arielbuttercup

[arielbuttercup]

Another Step

The year has been good to us so far. We decorated our bedroom; it was utterly necessary we didn’t get around to it when we moved in so it still had everything from the previous owner of our house. Now it is ours! And it is the most beautiful bedroom I ever slept in. My brother came to visit to watch a Six Nations Match live. That was incredible. It was so good that I decided I want to go more…

[arielbuttercup]

The Year In A Nutshell

The Year In A Nutshell

A little change to my usual posts, there will be no photos. Just words. I am going to start today with a quote that spoke to me years ago and I truly believe that he was right. “You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of…

[arielbuttercup]

Let's try this again

Let’s try this again

 used to write here to share the road I was travelling to give someone a moment of hope knowing they weren’t alone. And then my life changed. I used to write semi-regularly here semi-regular, and then life kind of happened and I wasn’t sure if people wanted to read about my walks in the area, about my happily ever after? I don’t know. So I am living in the area of Caerphilly now since Whitsun…

[arielbuttercup]

Stairway to Heaven

Looking back to December I don’t think I was really able to comprehend what had happened. It’s been nearly 6 months since I made the decision but it was such a hard decision. I hated myself for making it even though I knew it is the only way to help her. My beloved Yvaine, my little dwarf fighter cat -best friend to Thorin who was on a different mission when he sadly fell- was having to deal…

[arielbuttercup]

Babies, jobs and houses

Babies, jobs and houses

So… IUI – Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a fertility treatment that involves directly inserting sperm into a woman’s womb. Sounds like a sure thing doesn’t it? Well I had three rounds, three rounds of injections, two a day for nearly twenty days… Well… it didn’t turn into anything. Not even enough to try insemination. So the natural thing would be to go to IVF… Done all the tests and…

[arielbuttercup]

A Whirlwind of a Time

A Whirlwind of a Time

Gosh where to start? 6 months of so much that has happened. Some bad things, some scary things but to be honest so many good things. But I am getting ahead of myself. So when I wrote my last entry the day after I had a great afternoon with my best friend. That Saturday I was rather sad. The word “soon” became my most hated word. I will see her soon. She will come to visit me soon. We go to…

[arielbuttercup]

Lockdown Week...

Lockdown Week…

I think we are in week 10, but honestly who cares by now. This past week or like ten days I have been thinking about things I miss. Things I did before that I stopped, things that are actually people, and things I had before that I don’t have anymore. Plans I had to change.

To be fair it is not as much as I thought I would. I do miss the stroll through town. Not preplanning when to go food…

[arielbuttercup]

Week 6... AND...

Week 6… AND…

I knew it since months I knew it since New Years Eve, since the party in my house. It was little things but when I greeted her that night, when I hugged her. I knew she is pregnant. I think even before she did. I smiled and later told Mama that night she was surprised she didn’t expect for her to be pregnant before she started her proper work life. I couldn’t give her exact details but I knew. I…

[arielbuttercup]

Week 5

Yeah I know I missed a few weeks. Lockdown is not as exciting as one might thinks. I don’t do much. I feel like I am purposely ignoring everyone. But I don’t do it to be mean. I love being alone. I love not having to talk to anyone. I love my own company. I spend a lot of time in the garden, I read, and enjoy the sun. I might not spend as much time as I should spend with God. But I think this…

[arielbuttercup]

Day... week 2?

Day… week 2?

So this time I am feeling more prepared. I made a list and took notes the past few days. Quite a few things have happened. I think I will try to follow chronologically the events of the past days. Well I try but my mind is very jumpy, it always has been and I guess it always will be. Thank God for that.

I forgot to tell you in my last post of my adventures going to the pharmacy. So I rang my…

[arielbuttercup]

Day? I lost track of time

I said I’d write every day but to be honest that would be very short posts. I am not doing much. Well I do quite a fair bit. But let’s start at the beginning.

Last weekend it was disgusting to see the masses out and about in, parks, beaches, markets just everywhere. The lockdown that was announced Monday was not surprising. I think it was necessary.

A week ago it was Mother’s Day and I got…

[arielbuttercup]

Day 1

Frodo: “I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

Gandalf: “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring, in which case you also were meant to have it. And…

[arielbuttercup]

Flattery or Objectification

I guess it happened before but maybe not as much, maybe I didn’t believe it did, maybe I just didn’t hear it but since I lost weight I seem to hear it wherever I go. I have no idea how to deal with this.

I am so proud of my achievements. I never felt better, I feel amazing, sexy, fit, I feel like the girl I always felt is inside of me.

New Years Eve

People tell me I look stunning,…

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It changed everything, it changed me

It changed everything, it changed me

Let’s start with this is not made up, this happened to me, and one day the Lord will give me the justice I deserve.

I tell people I am scared of hospitals because people die in it and people believe it, but it is not the death that scares me. It is the doctors that scare me.

I don’t know how to make this sound better, I don’t even know how to word this nicely. It is not a nice topic, I…

[arielbuttercup]

For the First Time

For the First Time

I am not a big dater, I am not a person that goes out all the time and meeting new people is so hard for me. I am writing with her since two months now, I enjoy talking with her so much, I miss when she is not replying, she is fun, and sure she does make me incredible nervous at times but she also makes me laugh and makes me come out of my shell. I was so looking forward to finally meeting her.…

[arielbuttercup]

Why him?

So it has been a very long time. Funny I came out as bi and thought that would magically fix stuff. I went to two Prides. Had a long conversation with my mother about it and went on living and thought I would be free of everything. How wrong I was. Well no not completely, I just realised that coming out as bi was not the fix I needed, I didn’t win the lottery, I didn’t inherit a but house. I was…

[arielbuttercup]

Who We Are On The Inside

Who We Are On The Inside

It has been a while. And I could tell you about my 2 stone weight loss, or my overall increase of my fitness level… but this is not it. I have been angry and irritated for a long time and I couldn’t explain why. I was angry with everyone, I was annoyed by everyone, I was furious with myself. But I didn’t know why. This is really hard to explain, and scary and weird. I always wanted to belong but…