bloodintoink-blog - Tumblr blog

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Today my friend saw the embroidery I did on the jeans I wore and said "Bro you are so talented. Please teach me. I hate your parents."

(She knows a surface level of how my relationship is with my parents)

I laughed, that didn't make sense to me first so I asked why. She said "Because they don't value you. You're literally so talented and amazing."

And in a long time, in that moment, I felt loved.

Life is good sometimes.

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Distant

"Give it time", I thought. "It's a phase"

"If they couldn't fix you, time would.

It didn't turn out to be so true

Everytime I try to forget who I am

and start to love

It's right there, lurking in the dark

The feeling of disconnection

My failed attempts to try and feel something

I swear to god, I try to pick up your calls

I swear I try to speak and remember to not look at the blades

It doesn't help

This strangeness doesn't let me rest

I can't sleep until my bones ache 

I can't cry unless it's from a source so fake 

I can't stop the noise of the ticking clock

the blood rushing in my ears

My hands shaking and heart beating

I can't feel nothing at all 

But I can't stop thinking how it makes my skin crawl

If I don't feel emotionally

I resort to physical means like ouroboros

The indifference comes right back to me

Again and again and again

I survive it every time but

I can't live too long with a headspace like mine

They say "self-care makes you feel good"

Bullshit

I can't take care of myself if I don't feel shit 

He says, "She's so distant. Like she's barely there."

Can't you see?

I'm distant from my own self

I feel like I belong nowhere 

He says, "Her eyes are so weary. Like she's high"

And honestly I wish I was

I'm so fucking tired of feeling nothing and everything

My eyes been screaming I need an escapism 

They couldn't understand my dilemma if they tried

And I couldn't write them poems if I can't feel anything inside 

So I turn into someone 'cruel'

And then hell is my ikigai

—𝓓, (unedited from) 'Cacography '

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You know you are besties with her when you tell her he said "I like your neck" and then you both blurt "ok then choke me" in sync

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The fact that there's such a huge amount of art, music, books, drama, dance, poems that I won't be able to watch, read or listen before I die pisses me off atleast once a day

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My head could be a vessel for your own mind

All you gotta do is talk

A flood is slowly building at your wrists now

And death is just a thought

~Chase Atlantic, 'Uncomfortable'

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BORN TO SLAP SOMEONE, TELL THEM TO SHUTTHEFUCKUP, BREAK THINGS AND THROW MY PHONE ACROSS THE WALL

Forced to tell myself to calm down

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My aesthetics are so posh and expensive for a broke girl like me :(

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I see these amazing amazing writers around me and the way they string their trauma and pain and love into such artistic pieces.

An accident happened around me, which shouldn't have and I just need to get it off my chest. This is specifically for people who write and deal with unbearable pain and su!c!de. I just need to tell you all, KEEP WRITING. Please keep doing whatever it is that keeps you away from physical harm. Keep writing poems, spinning stories, drawing, sketching, dancing, and writing songs. Bring as much art around here as you can. I NEED IT. I promise. It helps other people too.

I know life doesn't seem to treat you gently right now but just please believe in yourself, more than you've ever before, each day and things will get in line slowly. You will find your peace. Flowers will grow. I need you to hang on. I need you to keep writing.

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HIS HAND PLACEMENTS ARE EVERYTHING

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if he doesn't analyze your 10-line poetry for an hour and make notes on it, he isn't the one

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I love how gen z people have such varied interests and vast range of hobbies and passion; someone wants to be a marine expert, someone wants to be a scriptwriter, a pop singer, a chef, a ballet dancer, a sculptor, a skateboarder, a cyber expert, a footballer...

YOU NAME A FIELD AND THERE'S ATLEAST ONE PERSON IN THIS GEN WHO'LL HAVE THAT AS A HOBBY / PASSION

like bro there's no lack of talent, only freedom and opportunities

it's like Italy in the 1400s, there are so many artists, so much art and a lot of unspoken love because all of us are scared of it but it's beautiful regardless

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I love it when people randomly send me sky/moon/flower/chocolate/food pics, book annotations pics, song recs, photo album pictures or just random, raw things that reflect you....LIKE YES THANKYOU FOR THINKING ABOUT ME, THAT I WOULD WANT TO KNOW OR SEE IT, THAT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE IT.... I DO, I DO.

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And on simple days, my only problem is being love-deprived

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im such an attention whoreeeeee

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sometimes I just want love. so much love. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much. so much.

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if I can't have love, I atleast deserve a mind-blowing orgasm or two or more