deckyshep

[deckyshep]

when other people are manic, they go out and have fun or drink or whatever. but when im manic, i publish poetry books

you can buy your paperback copy here!!!

[deckyshep]

how i used to draw myself when i was younger:

how i draw myself now that the world's end is approaching:

[deckyshep]

people pleaser, 10 jan 2024

[deckyshep]

fractured, 2 jan 2024

poem by @deckyshep

[text of poem under the cut]

it is beyond me to know who lives in this brain

i have tried countless times to commune with

the dead, only to find that i am not dead

who am i? it should be an easy answer

but it has never been simple enough

i am an amalgam of everyone i have ever been

everyone i have ever met

everyone i have ever tried to be

and everyone who has died beside me

a party of personalities

but more somber, like a wake

💀

there is a young girl here, who sings quietly

to her stuffed animals and plays with her dolls

she is easily spooked, do not raise your voice

keep your distance, she trusts too easily

remind her she is good and true but

she must use her own voice

💀

there is a teenage girl here, maybe seventeen

who paints her face in wild colors and has chopped

her hair short. she is quiet, but inside her is a

deep, pulsing rage — do not raise your voice

or she will throw it back at you threefold

remind her that she is not her emotions, that

she is not her father

💀

there is a young man here, twenty or so

he writes like there is no tomorrow, a hundred

pages a day. he is impulsive, he is scared

he clings to what is familiar. do not raise your

voice — he is a child at heart and begs for love

remind him what he is worth, what he is capable

of, and what he deserves, before he sinks

—r.d.s.

[deckyshep]

my temper got the best of me so i've decided to block all blatantly hateful blogs who interact with this blog from hereon out. for anyone who is unaware, this is my art/writing blog! i use it as a portion of my portfolio for local shows. and while i understand that some of you don't agree with my existence as a transgender person, you have absolutely no reason to make your hatred my problem.

[deckyshep]

i've gotten more support & engagement for my books on tumblr than any other goddamn social media site which speaks to 1) the way tumblr users value creators and 2) how much these mfs love gay & mentally fucked shit

[deckyshep]

if you like emotional freeform poetry, i have two short poetry collections for you!

my books are still for sale on amazon!!

BOY CRAZY BOY: A QUEER POETRY COLLECTION is a collection of twenty different freeform pieces ranging from topics such as mental illness, disability, and queer love. it was my very first published work ever and contains some of my favorite love poetry i've written. [link to amazon]

GAME OVER: A TRAUMA-FILLED POETRY COLLECTION is a collection of twenty-one freeform pieces focusing primarily on mental health, trauma, and disability. this book in particular was my trauma baby, allowing me to get my emotions out of my head into something that could do some good. [link to amazon]

please order a copy, or both copies, or ten copies i don't care i'm just tryna survive bruh and reblog this to get the word out! i love y'all for allowing me to do the things i love! 💛

[social media links]

[deckyshep]

a very quick poem i just wrote, made from excerpts of texts my mum has sent me this year.

[deckyshep]

cold snap / 20 december 2022

[links]

[deckyshep]

just in case / 20 december 2022

[links]

[deckyshep]

so, uh... i got a new tablet and started out with a self-portrait. first time i've drawn in what feels like years.

[deckyshep]

happy 46th birthday

original poem, written 2 september 2022

“dad:

just a reminder…

my love

goes everywhere

you go!”

🌀

you kept that card

in your wallet

with my black

straight bangs

and

my beaming

seven-year-old

toothy smile.

🌀

did that kid’s face flash

before your eyes

when you died with a

tube down your throat

and an ICU full of

a hundred people

begging you

to hold on?

🌀

i know you wanted

to go to heaven.

did my love

follow you there?

did the almighty lord

see my love trailing

just behind you,

trying to keep up?

did he let my love

pass through the

pearly gates

at your side

as your soul

walked out of

the mortal plane

and into heaven?

do you still have

my love in your wallet?

and do you still open

it occasionally to

remind yourself

that my love is there?

🌀

we’re taught that heaven

is the epitome of

love and joy

in the embrace of

god himself.

but that single embrace

must get lonely,

right?

yes, you have the lord’s love.

but what about your wife’s love?

what about your son’s love?

what about your siblings’ love?

because everyone’s love

is different,

but it’s always love.

and sometimes you need

a specific kind of love—

the kind that only

a big brute of a dad

can give with his

incredible bear hugs,

the kind that i can

barely remember

but still cry about

eight years later.

—r.d.s.

[deckyshep]

too much, never enough

poem by @deckyshep

[links]

[deckyshep]

[14/24] ☃❄✨

[deckyshep]

[11/24] Kinda surprised myself with the outcome of this wreath ✨ It’s probably the most balanced & round one I’ve ever painted 🥰 I also love how loose I could paint this without feeling it looks like crap 🙃

[deckyshep]

tree topper for my holiday tree art project,

The Q Stands For Queer, Not Quiet

✨ links ✨

[do not remove caption]

[deckyshep]

i wanted to share this ornament my mom painted for the art show today because it's very pretty and i think y'all would like it