emosyroseblog

[emosyroseblog]

Genuinely i have no friends who like anime🥴 someone be my friend omg😭

I also like kpop and have no friends that like kpop😒

I also like manga and have no friends who like god damn manga🥺

Omg i just want a friend who i can relate too about certain hobbies and interests😒😭

Im new with manga btw

This is me 🤐😬

[emosyroseblog]

🌺me🌺

Well.. My mum is back in hospital again... For mental health reasons.. That's why i haven't been online for a long time. This would probably be the first time since last beginning of summer that she went into a hospital for mental health.. If I'm being honest it was scary. My dad is getting me and my sister locks on our doors for night times, just incase. (My mum is a perfect amazing mum by the way, she'd never intentionally hurt us) I've been struggling with my mental health, i relapsed with SH, my eating is on and off, i can't sleep well, my anxiety is off the roof especially my paranoia. But most of all im scared that im going to go numb again, when i was 13 until i was 16 i had no emotion and struggled with severe depression but i got better but now there are times where i feel numb and black out and then i snap out of it and im able to pull myself out, but its getting worse and im scared , i don't wanna lose my emotions again, I've been making the most of them since i got them back last time.

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

🌺me🌺

My anxiety is so high today, i started off posting on here in the morning but now my anxiety is so high i don't post until evening, which is not what i wanted to do... I had to go to the doctors but results are all clear.

I've been taking notes for health and social care this evening, but i haven't been able to get round to doing my actual assignment cause i just feel so weak at the moment, physically. Hopefully I'll be able to push myself to get it done on time, me and my boyfriend argued this evening cause i had a panic attack and he told me to drink water but i said no and i wasn't in the right frame of mind so i got really stubborn and ended up making him mad, so i feel real bad for that, we are okay now though.

My stomach hurts from anxiety but i have nothing to be anxious about which some how's gives me more anxiety. But I'm leaving on sunday to go back home and i really am not ready... But idk how to say that to my own mother....

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

Yummy😋🥰

Today has been so weird, i woke up quite early and i felt light headed all morning, and I've been having problems which i can't talk about on here so my nan is going to call a doctor tomorrow, and im kinda worried... Cause i just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen..

I've done alot of college work today but not my assignment.. Which is bad, i need to get on with it i need to stop being so lazy

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

✨college✨

Im so happy we get to actually go back to college on the 8th of march, i love it so much it was the only thing keeping me distracted and sane, i can't wait to see everyone again and finally do my work in the college rooms.

Im on a college call right now and it's annoying cause the internet just shuts down all the time and everyone is lagging its so stupid. Hopefully a due date will be set for the unit 5.5 assignment and i hope she gives us a while to do it because i still have barley done anything for it😭.

I hope this call won't last long because i was planning on going live on twitch to bake banana bread with my nan🥺 i was looking forward to it🥺 i really hope she wont keep us long because i was so excited for making banana bread 👉👈

~✨

[emosyroseblog]

🌺Me🌺

The stream was so fun last night, it was my first ever twitch stream and i had 101 views all together and i was happy with that. i had fun talking to new people and telling them about myself and what ill be streaming in the future, my boyfriend supported me on there a-lot too and helped me decorate my twitch account theme. i was really shy to start with haha but i managed to warm up to a few people and made some really good friends. the CMT call was really fun too even though i got the lowest score of the quiz ahahaha, but i enjoyed myself and it was good talking to them again.

I'm gonna try to get a-lot of work done today since i didn't do any yesterday and barley did any the day before, so hopefully i can get a-lot done today. i kinda want to make a study discord server where we can all have our cameras on and help each other study as i know some people like studying with company even if its quiet. so let me know if i should make one and if anyone is interested in that sort of thing. and then i will sort out the schedule.

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

🌺Me🌺

My bestfriend... And my boyfriend.. Are both acting off towards me today... I'm kinda worried, why does everyone seem distant today, i feel kinda alone tbh , or maybe im just being paranoid. Idk... I don't wanna say anything to them.. But i just feel so left out and alone and idk why .. Maybe im just being selfish or annoying..

PS: I'm hungry ahahah

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

Im live in twitch guys!!!❤

[emosyroseblog]

🌤Good afternoon again🌤

My dads over today, at my nans with me, for an early dinner, i know this sounds mean or horrible, but it just brings feelings of home into my mind, and I'm here at my nans for a reason, to get away from home. i really love my dad, we have an amazing relationship but idk why the feeling of home gives me this much anxiety, i need to get ready to go home soon this week, but i don't wanna leave, i not ready at all. i need to stay here, i cant leave yet, I'm so happy and relaxed here, I'm not ready and nw I'm crying while writing this haha. I'm going live on twitch later for the first time ever, but I'm gonna have the category on just chatting since i cant use my playstation here, so I'm hoping that'll cheer me up. i really don't have many online friends haha, if my tumblr posts start getting noticed i might make a discord server haha.

~🌤

[emosyroseblog]

🌤Good afternoon🌤

I guess its just a chill day today, I'm not really up for doing any work today, the bark of my nans new dog gives me anxiety, its a very sharp bark and she hasn't been trained to stop in her old home. well i mean at-least she's in a good home now, but i have to lock myself in my nans room whenever she decides to start barking. i have a zoom call tonight with my friends who have the same disability as me (CMT), I'm exited for that, we have a zoom night every Saturday ran by the leader of CMT camps, which haven't been on because of corona, and next time i go, my friends wont be there since they are 18+ and i don't turn 18 until October. but there is an adult CMT camp which they will move to, and i cant wait to move to that one to be with them. so yeah, thats all for today i guess, id really like if my tumblr posts got noticed in some sort of way, kinda feeling lonely recently haha.

~⛅

[emosyroseblog]

✨College✨

Its going quite well to be honest, i struggled to start it and get motivated but once i got going, it went really well, I'd still like anyone who struggles with any type of mental health illness to maybe tell me their story if they feel comfortable with it, or private message me because like i said ,my mom has eupd but i struggle to ask her about it, im afraid of twitching her or anything, so i was wondering if i can hear someone's story , just for my own curiosity as i suffer with depression and anxiety but I'd like to hear more about other illnesses, if you don't mind, please pm me or comment on this post, it's be great help to me :)

~✨

[emosyroseblog]

✨Good Morning✨

Hey, i know im not a big tumblr blog, but to whoever finds this post or my blog, please feel free to join the chat I've made, i wanted to make a safe place for you all to maybe share your worries, troubles or stories with mental health, whether its about you or someone you know or love. Anyone is welcome, its a safe place for you all.

~✨

[emosyroseblog]

Anyone here with EUPD or BPD, i guess I'd like to hear some people's experiences with it, just out of my own curiosity and also for an assignment I'm doing, my mother has it but i find it hard to ask her about it, so if anyone wouldn't mind, could you please share a little of your experience with me 😁

~✨

[emosyroseblog]

I've been feeling really comfortable and confident since staying with my nan, she makes me feel calm and at home, i think im gonna stay here a little longer 🥰

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

Haha, my cat ears came the other day. This is so embarrassing, but oh well, this seems like a safe place so i dong mind. Anyways good morning, i really should start that assignment today. Anyone have any tips on starting assignments, like how to get relaxed and into it haha?.

~🌺

[emosyroseblog]

🌤Good Afternoon🌤

i dropped my bread in my soup this afternoon 😭  wasn't able to save it lmao. I've been sleeping so well since staying at my nans, I've never slept this well before, and i got my new retainers yesterday and of-course i forget the wear them the first night i get them 😤 i want to start my assignment today but for some reason i feel like being super lazy like i am everyday aha, idk i think i need some inspiration lol. Or should i just start tomorrow ahahah. the weather is so bad today i feel so lazy haha.

~⛅

[emosyroseblog]

✨College✨

i guess I've started planning for my new college assignment, its so stressful, i was asking a friend for help and i just feel like all I'm doing is bothering them, and i just find it hard to ask for help because i don't want to be annoying. but i really needed help, i managed to understand in the end and i thanked them for their help, and apologised for being a nuisance, but i still feel bad. well at-least I've got the plan over and done with, I'm hoping i can start the assignment tomorrow, if i can get myself to do it.

~ ✨