grippy-socks-guru

[grippy-socks-guru]

My recent diagnosis makes a lot of sense. I have compiled images to illustrate and give those without this very stigmatised illness an idea of the intensity of the pain we carry. We are not monsters. We are people who need love and understanding because the pain we feel is so intense and the trauma many of us carry is an even heavier burden.

[grippy-socks-guru]

if i don’t turn everything into a joke it will destroy me.

[grippy-socks-guru]

I’m shrouded in my own veil of mystery and madness. I refuse to let you in. I refuse to take these meds. I refuse it all. Your help. Your love. I’m the unlovable. The unfuckable fucked one.

I’m drowning in my own devastation. The depth of our feelings is something you can’t understand. How alone I am. I’m screaming, wailing; pleading. Yearning for love and peace like a motherless child. An animal’a guttural screams echoing and falling on deaf ears.

Let me go. I’m too tired to try once again.

[grippy-socks-guru]

it's getting bad again

[grippy-socks-guru]

MASSIVE TW: SU! Thoughts and content relating to Unaliving oneself.

I don’t know how to swim; so in its place I danced and dreamt of sweet death and the painful plan my mad mind had constructed.

A fear as deep as the river i would set foot in. One final glimpse and gulp of air. The sweet summer air. Life giving air. Soon replaced by the burning of my water filled lungs. No sounds. No splashing.

Maybe desperation at the end followed by frantic flailing. Regret? Not sure.

A local death. Like any other. A local river known for taking the lives of thousands. Except I’d willingly be that river’s s victim.

It wouldn’t be an accident. I’d run away, go missing, and I’d jump in. I stood at the river’s edge days before and thought of it. Peace and dread filled me.

I wanted a poetic death. I wanted a painful one. To be a bloated and disfigured thing like the whale I was. A concept made reality before your eyes. A representation of how I was made to feel all my life. Floating. Long ago having faded out of this world. A gruesome sight.

To evoke and feel the pain I was feeling. That’s what I wanted. To be like Ophelia. My own madness being the final blow to an already weak flame.

I didn’t jump. But sometimes I stand at the edge of that same river, I think of how close I was. It’s hauntingly inviting. To dance with death. What a dangerous practise.

[grippy-socks-guru]

Anybody else wonder if there are any sick weirdos who wish they could willingly date and fix someone with BPD? I wonder if people romanticise the unwell unknowingly without realising they’re in for hell once we actually love them. Like wow you wanna be my fp? Goodluck lmao.

[grippy-socks-guru]

Sometimes I wish I could unsee and unfeel your betrayal.

To forget — what a shame wishes don’t come true for people like me.

Maybe a lobotomy could set me free.

[grippy-socks-guru]

I think the reason people with BPD don’t make it past their 30s is because after so much selfsabotage, burned bridges, ghosting, reinventing, and escapism; they realize they failed to obtain a dream they felt they never deserved in the first place. That can hit hard. To feel like you are the one person to blame and accepting that. Well you might as well die.

You don’t have anything to look forward to because you know you’re going go through the same cycle again.

Your substance abuse, impulsive spending, stupid decisions, and pushing everyone away — you have nothing but yourself.

And you hate yourself.

[grippy-socks-guru]

Does anyone else with BPD feel like your name doesn’t suit you? I have gone through so many names and none feel like me. I hate this sense of not belonging even when it comes to my name. My identity is so unclear.

[grippy-socks-guru]

“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.

[grippy-socks-guru]

i find it funny that conservatives try to paint me calling for the death and destruction of multi-billionaire CEOs as some radical "woke liberal" standpoint. as if that even has anything to do with politics, especially in this era of surface level circus politics. the same way they try to politicize the hurricanes or the wildfires destroying parts of america, as if climate change is somehow a red vs. blue issue. it's no secret i'm from a deeply conservative family in the sticks of florida and i still grew up hearing "i fought the law and the law won". the healthcare system has fucked each and every member of my family in a different way at one point or another, as is the case with pretty much every family in this scorched earth nation. remember when country music, the genre currently associated the heaviest with the most conservative faction of america, used to be staunchly anti-government and about sticking it to the man? remember when the coal miners, grandfathers to the "trump-er hillbillies" of appalachia that everyone loves to write off as ignorant, fought tooth and nail for unionization because the companies that were built off their labor didn't give a shit if they lived or died? since when has "upholding traditional values" gone hand in hand with... defending lawmakers and oil tycoons. my family and i complain about the same issues at the dinner table. the men in charge better hope they can keep their digital smokescreens running as long as they can because the moment the rednecks and the hippies lay down their swords long enough to realize they have the same enemy, all hell is gonna break loose.

[grippy-socks-guru]

@/hisethelcain. “i'd save you but the world's bent” twitter, 14 nov 2020.

[grippy-socks-guru]

everything feels empty, just want to sleep

[grippy-socks-guru]

“why are you so upset?” idk man. maybe bc i have i get super upset disorder

[grippy-socks-guru]

The Pleiades

[grippy-socks-guru]

lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism lesbianism

[grippy-socks-guru]