heres-the-scoop

[heres-the-scoop]

hi it’s been a while friends. i’m going through adhd testing right now and it reminded me of the posts i used to make all the time. today (the first day of testing) lasted two hours. the first part of it i kind of just talked to the test-giver person and she asked me questions about my traits and life. then i filled a self-assessment. it took a while since i take FOREVER to do things like that. anyway, after that we did some game sort of things that were more fun. first she gave me 4 wooden blocks with different patterns on them and she rearranged her 4 blocks and i had to make mine look like hers. that part was pretty easy. then i had to use 9 of those blocks to recreate pictures of patterns. it was easy at first but then the lines on the paper started disappearing and it was extremely difficult. i couldn’t finish two of them which really bothered me. next, she gave me two words (verbally) and asked me to tell similarities between them. this one was extremely hard for me because they were nothing alike. an example was “luck” and “practice”. i couldn’t think of a single similarity so i just said that they both have c’s in them. that wasn’t really what she was looking for but that’s okay. my last test/game was to finish the sequence like the test we used to do at school. they were super easy at first but then they got super hard at the end and i must have stared at the paper for like five minutes each and i couldn’t figure it out. after that the first day was over. i tried not to mask as much as possible and i was super drained still after because it was hard. i feel like i did horribly because i couldn’t answer a lot of questions, but i guess that’s a good thing in this case because that means it could lead to a diagnosis. anyway hopefully this helps for anyone nervous about adhd testing:) bye i’ll update you some other time. -scoop

also here’s my puppies after picking them up from daycare today:)

[heres-the-scoop]

hello again. last night i had a virtual sleepover with my cousins so i decided not to post. yes i know nobody reads these, but it helps me get my life together when i see everything written out. anyway back to beliefs. i don’t really know what to do about my faith. i don’t really believe at the moment but i guess i’m just so good at acting that my cousin maleah picked me as her confirmation sponser... she thought i was that faithful... yeah. so i think i’m gonna try out practicing wicca and talking to god and see what happens. wicca makes me feel good and it makes more sense to me, but part of me still believes in God and i’m scared that He is real and i’m just messing everything up idk. anyway i kinda don’t really want to type anything so i’m gonna go now... bye.

[heres-the-scoop]

hello everyone. oh boy it’s been almost a month now. i haven’t gone on tumblr once since then. a lot of things have changed in that month so this might be long.

NAME CHANGE:

so the name i go by in real life is delaney. i don’t necessarily dislike this name, it just makes me feel uncomfortable and it’s too feminine for me. i’m fine being called it, i would rather not though. on this account, i was originally going by the name Willow and Willy on my more masculine days. However, since then I started to dislike this name. I was looking at androgynous names and I found some that I liked and Willow was one of them. At first, it seemed like the one; it was related to nature and just androgynous enough. Then I saw a tiktok with names for trans people. There was a column for mtf, ftm, and non-binary people. Willow was in the feminine name column. I know that it was just a stupid tiktok, but ever since then I get this horrible feeling when so hear the name Willow. I just think of myself with that name as a girl and I don’t feel like one. Willy was a variation and too masculine for me, so I decided to drop the name altogether. I realize this is my profile name and stuff so I have to change everything. I’m gonna change it so that it doesn’t have to do with any particular name. I just don’t want the same thing to happen again. The names I like right now are Acorn, Cricket, Everest, and Scoop. If you want, you can let me know which ones you like best. You can call me delaney for now, but once i change my name i’ll let you know so you can call me by the correct name.

SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC ORIENTATION (?):

On this account, I told you guys I am an ace lesbian. That is still true. In fact, I’ve only grown more confident about this label. I read an online thingy called “Am I A Lesbian?” and this thing got me from questioning to certainty. If you are struggling with your label, I’d recommend reading it. I’ll link it here. Please remember though, that you owe a label to no one. You don’t have to decide who you are overnight. You can go as slow as you want. You can stay unlabeled too! There is absolutely no pressure to define yourself, but if you would like to, feel free to read this! https://www.docdroid.net/N46Ea3o/copy-of-am-i-a-lesbian-masterdoc-pdf

SCHOOL:

I am currently on break and I’ve been so anxiety free. Most of my anxiety comes from school and this break was exactly what I needed. I can’t wait until I don’t have to go to school for good. My grades are pretty good right now... they could be better, but it’s been a while since I’ve had a missing assignment. I’m very proud of myself for that.

MENTAL HEALTH:

oh boy this is a big one. my mental health has never been stable. i mean i’m autistic and i’ve had plenty of struggles in my life that have greatly impacted my health. i’ve been through a lot of trauma: both related and unrelated to my autism. This past year has been the rockiest my mental health has ever been. Sophomore year has sucked and my grades have shown that I’m really struggling. I was finally able to start therapy. I haven’t had an appointment the past couple of weeks because I am starting a social anxiety group. That brings me to my worst problem: anxiety. It sucks and it basically dictates every decision i make. it’s not fun. but i’m getting the help i need now so that’s good.

PHYSICAL HEALTH:

it’s been interesting i guess? nothing came back from the endoscopy. it looked perfectly normal. none of my questions or worries was answered. we haven’t had a follow up and i don’t know if we will. something is obviously going on and i don’t know what it is. i’m a good researcher. i get invested in something and i research it. with my mental health i have everything i need. i can look inside my own mind and evaluate what i’m feeling and thinking and going through. and then i can research that. physical things are different. i can’t just see inside of my body i can only research these symptoms but i can’t know for sure that it’s the problem. anyway i’m at a loss right now. If anybody knows what’s going on please let me know because i’m tired of not getting answers.

BELIEFS:

i don’t know what i believe in anymore. i grew up in a Catholic family and i went to a Catholic Church and i’ve always been to Catholic Scools. I was baptized and i’ve received 5 of the 7 sacraments. I went to a Catholic summer camp for four years in a row. i put everything into it. I tried so hard to be Catholic, but something doesn’t feel right. i don’t know how to explain it. it’s well um boring. it’s so fucking boring. i mean why would they make a religion they want people to convert to so boring? it makes no sense. like nobody understands latin so why is there like 17 different things in latin and everybody zones out on the homily so we aren’t learning anything. i don’t feel anything at mass. it’s just something i have to do. i’ve gone to church every sunday my whole life. For sixteen years this is what i’ve done. i don’t know what i believe in, but it certainly isn’t a religion of boring people who do boring things for a boring god who doesn’t give a shit about anybody in that church. i won’t believe in that.

there’s certainly more, but i’m tired and want to go to bed. i wish my mind could type. i rush it could move as fast as my thoughts. anyway, i promise i’ll update soon, but i’ll do it when i’m ready. (maybe in a few hours, maybe in a day, or in a week) i will update though. Bye.

[heres-the-scoop]

umm hi. so it’s been a couple of days and uh the adhd part of my brain can’t remember to post every day and the autistic brain does want to do it daily because if i don’t do it daily, i won’t do it all. so i just completely forgot that this account existed for a little while. i’ve been better recently. i cleaned my room and i’m working on organizing it. i got everything caught up in school so i now have all A’s and B’s. My show, Alice in Wonderland, debued... i was Alice btw. Also I got an app called tiimo that might help me actually do my work. so hopefully that will go well. i only have three more weeks of school until break so hopefully they go well. i am gonna take a break though and try to figure out a good routine before i work this back into it. i might still randomly post if i feel like it but for now it’s a break. see ya in a little bit.

[heres-the-scoop]

I’m sorry guys. I’m not doing well. It’s currently after midnight and I tried to sleep, but i’m having the worst acid reflux ever. I can’t do anything and it hurts so bad. I’m sorry that i didn’t really update you today, but i just haven’t been feeling well.

[heres-the-scoop]

Today’s post is going to be boring, because i’m tired and burnt out. I worked on school for the entire day. I cried a lot. My throat is very sore and it’s hard to swallow. I have to wake up early to work out tomorrow. My hair is greasy so i’ll have to wear a headband which hurts my head. I didn’t organize my room at all. BUT all of my assignments are turned in (mostly) on time and i’m very proud of myself. i’m gonna go to bed now because i’m exhausted. Today was a solid 0/10 but whatever. (Day 6)

[heres-the-scoop]

aaaand i’m out of the procedure!! i was a little loopy but that’s okay, because i was aware of everything i was saying. and i got ice chips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i even got an iv!! i was asleep, though, while they put it in:/ probably because people don’t normally like it when they get iv’s... on the other hand, i love them!!! i know i’m weird... i like anything medical really. i didn’t list it on my special interests because there are so many fields of medical things and i’m just interested in it all. now for the results you’ve all been waiting for...

everything came back normal. so i have absolutely no idea what is happening. they took some biopsies which will come back in 5-7 days so if anything is abnormal, it’ll show on there. that’s good news and bad news. although, it means it most likely don’t have EoE or anything else, it does mean that they don’t know what’s going on. a thing i have considered before is cyclic vomiting syndrome. i don’t want to self diagnose anything physical that i can’t tell myself since i haven’t researched it enough. i do know, though, that my vomiting has appeared like clockwork. it happens at the same times of day and the nausea goes away right after. it would make sense since it doesn’t seem to have any physical appearance inside my esophagus, stomach, or small intestine. if you have an GI problems, chronic illnesses, or especially cyclic vomiting syndrome and you happen to see this, could you please give me any ideas of what it might be. thank you all! (Day 5) Day Rating 4/10

[heres-the-scoop]

Hi everyone! i thought i’d update you all a couple times today since it’s the big day! today is my endoscopy. i just got checked in and i’m in my hospital gown and everything. i just realized that i haven’t told you guys WHY i need an endoscopy, so i’ll do that now. about two and a half months ago i started getting randomly nauseous and throwing up. it seemed to have a pattern: before i left for school, in the middle of second period, and right before third period. we ruled out anxiety, not eating enough, not drinking enough, side effects of medicine, and diabetes. i saw my doctor who referred me to a GI specialist. he told me that i might have an autoimmune disease called EoE (Eosiniphilic Esophagitis). he said that i’d need an endoscopy to confirm it which is today! my nausea and symptoms have been getting better recently. i don’t know if it’s from the anti-nausea medicine i’ve been taking or not. i have no idea how this is going to turn out, so wish me luck! the procedure will only take like 10-15 minutes so it’s not anything big. I am nervous, because i have to be under anesthesia. one of my biggest fears is somebody finding out one of my biggest secrets, but since it’s so short, i don’t think that’ll be an issue. I also i am very excited for the end because the anesthesiologist told me that afterwards they have ice chips and popsicles!!!!! (and you know how i feel about popsicles) See ya guys later!

[heres-the-scoop]

Greetings! i got my covid test first thing this morning and it wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be. honestly it was just slightly worse than the flu nasal spray. i still would’ve felt better if i had the option to do a blood draw. whatever it’s over now. After the covid test, i went home and showered. (this was my first shower in a couple of days so yay) Then, i practiced for cantoring at mass. I am catholic (please don’t judge me i’m not homophobic or transphobic of racist or anything and i’m pro choice... i’m very liberal) and i love singing so i volunteer to sing at mass every once in a while. since i’ve cantored so much in the past, i already knew all of the antiphons so i only needed to review them. i’m also very very quick with music. i can learn things after listening to them one time. I know i said before that i needed the covid test to make sure i don’t have covid for the procedure and going to mass in person seems a little counterintuitive, but i got permission to go to mass since i don’t have any symptoms. i’m still a little confused but my mom said it’s fine. I did stay in the choir loft the whole time so i didn’t go near anyone except the organist. After that i got starbucks and then i gave my two puppies a bath!!!!!! Then i prayed the rosary with my family at 3:00. I took a break to eat lunch... i’m aware that it’s late but i kinda forgot to eat so whatever. then i started cleaning my room again and listened to musicals in my new headphones. they are kind of loud so i have to put them on the lowest volume and take one of the ear buds out so i don’t go into sensory overload. i like this method, because then i can still hear my surroundings in the other ear!! i get really anxious that somethings going to happen if i can’t hear and have to constantly pause my music to make sure i’m just hearing things and that it’s not real. 3/4 of the way through my cleaning process, i ate dinner. I had mac and cheese which is one of my safe foods and popsicles!!!! I basically only eat safe foods at this point. Then i watched El Grán Hotel on Netflix, helped my mom decorate, and took my dogs on a walk. After that, i was cold so i made some hot chocolate which was delicious! Then i sang some more and finished cleaning my room. I’m very proud of myself today because i had a VERY VERY productive day and i got over my fear of the covid test:)))))) i’m gonna go to be in a little bit, because my endoscopy is tomorrow and i have to wake up early for it!!! anyway goodnight everybody. i hope you had a wonderful day too and if you didn’t i’m sorry. i hope tomorrow is better!!!! (Day 4) Day Ranking: 9.5/10

[heres-the-scoop]

This is my updated all about me! (in alphabetical order)

AGE: 16

BIRTHDAY: november 10th

DIVERGENT FACTION: erudite

ENNEAGRAM: 4w5

FAVORITE ANIMAL: snail

FAVORITE BOOK: the little prince

FAVORITE COLOR: sky blue

FAVORITE MOVIE: into the woods, les miserables, titanic

FAVORITE MUSICAL: carrie, the prom

FAVORITE SONG: achilles come down-gang or youths, unruly hearts- the prom

FAVORITE TV SHOW: she-ra, my little pony

GRADE: junior (11th grade)

HOGWARTS HOUSE: slytherin

MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE: infj

NAME: scoop

PRONOUNS: he/they

SEXUALITY: asexual aromantic

SPECIAL INTERESTS: autism (and overall mental health), melissa benoist, musical theatre, my little pony, snails, the periodic table

STATE/COUNTRY: ohio, united states

ZODIAC SIGN: scorpio

[heres-the-scoop]

hiii. today is saturday. i had to wake up early to work out, so that wasn’t fun. also, nobody i knew was there and the workout was hard. anyway, then i went home and fell asleep for hours until 4:00. my mom told me to clean my room, so i tried but i kept getting distracted and it was all too much. i cleaned half of it, though. however, i know my mom will only see that i failed to clean it, not the fact that i tried to. i’m really nervous for tomorrow, because i have to get a covid test. i have my endoscopy on monday but in order to get it, they have to make sure i don’t have covid. i know there’s two different types... maybe there’s more idk. i know about the nose one and the throat one. both of them seem horrible. i have a really bad gag reflex so if they put it in my mouth to the back of my throat i might throw up. and the last time i had something in my nose, was those horrific flu spray shots. they hurt so bad and felt horrible. i will always prefer i shot, but i can’t get a shot this time and i’m so scared. i know i don’t have covid but in order to have the procedure i need the test. wish me luck. (Day 3)

[heres-the-scoop]

hello again. today was friday and the last day of in person school before thanksgiving break. i am very excited to just relax and be happy. today was pretty good. i was in an overall good mood. i still have a couple assignments to do but hopefully i’ll be able to finish them tomorrow. the good news is for most of the day i was pretty motivated. the only time i was in a bad mood was when i found out about the new sia movie. i don’t know how to feel. i wish that she would’ve cast an autistic person in that role and i wish she didn’t partner with autism speaks. it makes me feel sick to know that they are gaining popularity. a group whose sole purpose is to spread awareness for a “cure”. because apparently i need a cure. apparently i’m too much of a burden and i ruin everything. that’s what they’re saying. the movie isn’t out yet so i don’t know if it will be fine... they’re off to a bad start though. goodnight. (Day 2)

[heres-the-scoop]

i’m gonna try to post something everyday from here on out. err well at least until december. i think that’s a good goal. i guess i’ll just post about my day and challenges and successes i come across. I currently have a couple missing assignments, but i’m working really hard on getting everything turned in before the weekend. After tomorrow, I’m basically on thanksgiving break!! Then, I get plenty of time to relax and recharge. This past couple of months have been really horrible for me. I just changed my medication, i have an endoscopy on monday, and i’m gonna get tested for adhd soon, so everything seems to be coming together a lot nicer. I think this break is a nice place to rearrange my life and come up with some better ways to do things. I’ll see you tomorrow. I just showered so my hair won’t be greasy at school tomorrow!!!! Bye! (Day 1)

[heres-the-scoop]

alright i’ve got a rant. so i’m a slytherin right? but everybody thinks i’m a hufflepuff. being a nice person doesn’t define who you are. in fact you should just be nice in general. you can be sarcastic and sassy and still be nice. being nice doesn’t define your personality. i am a slytherin because i am cunning and i’ll do what it takes to get what i want. i’ll follow my own personal rules though. so if my rule is to be nice, then fuck i’ll be nice. but i’ll do whatever it takes while being nice. i also don’t need anyone else to be me. hufflepuffs are about caring for OTHER people and stuff. i feel like in order to be a hufflepuff you sort of have to define yourself by what you can do for others. as a slytherin, i define myself by what i can do for myself. i don’t need anyone else in my life to be happy, because at the end of the day, i’m the only person that’s there for me.

[heres-the-scoop]

do you ever just think that you’re faking it for attention? because i keep trying to tell myself to stop faking it, but i can’t stop being autistic no matter how hard i try. and then i think i’m faking that too.