i-m-halhefner

[i-m-halhefner]

THE CURIOUS CASE OF JORGE THE VAMPIRE HORSE

This is Jorge.

Jorge was a good little horse.

He came from Mexico.

He didn’t have papers—just dreams.

This is the Man in the Red Hat.

He was not the sharpest tool in the shed.

He was very mean.

He hid behind a cross and a gun.

And he treated politics like his favorite sports team.

The Man in the Red Hat hated Jorge.

But he couldn’t sell him.

Jorge was his wife’s horse and she just died of cancer.

They couldn’t afford health care to pay the hospital bills.

They lost their social security and the tariffs killed their farm.

The Man in the Red Hat blamed “the Mexicans.”

The Man in the Red Hat didn’t feed Jorge.

He left him in the cold.

He told Jorge that this was his country and he should go back to his

He hit Jorge with a whip.

That was a mistake.

That night, Jorge ran.

He ran into the woods.

There he met…

Cortez the Killer--A Friendly Vampire.

Cortez was hiding in the woods.

He loved horses.

He hated ICE.

They had raided his castle.

They deported his familiar who was a US citizen.

Cortez looked at Jorge.

Jorge looked back.

“I wonder,” Cortez said,

“Can a horse become… immortal?”

He drank Jorge’s blood.

And Jorge—

Changed.

Now Jorge could fly.

He could think.

He could talk!

Telepathically, of course.

“I want revenge,” said Jorge.

“I want justice and freedom,” said Cortez.

“But first,” Jorge neighed,

“Let’s burn some shit down.”

That night the Man in the Red Hat

came home from church with his GOD HATES HEAVY METAL signs.

He had yelled at teens for being in a Metallica cover band.

He was ready to relax.

With PornHub, lotion and a laptop.

That’s when Jorge kicked in the door.

He screamed like a banshee.

He stomped the man’s Johnson he held in his hand.

He bit his neck.

He pooped on his corpse.

It was beautiful.

The Jesus candle tipped.

The house caught fire.

Jorge trotted off.

To find the Friendly Vampire.

Cortez hopped on Jorge’s back.

Canada bound.

“People always feared the occult,”

laughed Cortez, as they crossed the border.

“In the end…”

Jorge neighed,

“…it was just a cult they should have feared most.”

Art and story by Hal Hefner.

Produced by Catmonkey Studio

[i-m-halhefner]

[i-m-halhefner]

Goodbye NoSleep!

[i-m-halhefner]

[i-m-halhefner]

I just dropped a terrifying new horror story on reddit no sleep about Preacherman a forest specter who feeds the trees with human souls in upstate New York in a place called Columbia Center. https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/s/7073WFm7I

If you hear preaching in the woods, don’t respond, don’t respond.

If you hear preaching in the woods, it’s not for you—it’s for the roots.

If you hear preaching late at night,

Don’t look left and don’t look right.

If you answer—even once...

THE PREACHERMAN WILL EAT YOU UP.

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/s/56cYP1GYqa

[i-m-halhefner]

true story. changed my life forever. this was such a healing tool for me to get this out and into the world. Thank you all in advance for reading.

[i-m-halhefner]

I was attacked my a homeless man on meth who tried to kill me and my son.

[i-m-halhefner]

I do not want to be part of the crafty underclass in a cyberpunk dystopia. I do not want to be confronted by militarized police drones or have to wear defensive AI camera camouflage. I want this:

[i-m-halhefner]

“People are always telling you that “we have always done thus,” and then you find that their “always” means a generation or two, or a century or two, at most a millennium or two. Cultural ways and habits are blips, compared to the ways and habits of the body, of the race. There really is very little that human beings on our plane have “always” done, except find food and drink, sleep, sing, talk, procreate, nurture the children, and probably band together to some extent. Indeed it can be seen as our human essence, how few behavioral imperatives we follow. How flexible we are in finding new things to do, new ways to go. How ingeniously, inventively, desperately we seek the right way, the true way, the Way we believe we lost long ago among the thickets of novelty and opportunity and choice…”

— Ursula K. Le Guin, The Seasons of the Ansarac (via probablyasocialecologist)

[i-m-halhefner]

Art by https://www.casetify.com/artist/madebynelson?

[i-m-halhefner]

[i-m-halhefner]

Solarpunk now has a magazine! Solarpunk magazine Kickstarter just launched on Friday and they need 20k for first year funding!

[i-m-halhefner]

[i-m-halhefner]

Just did a new thing...a Christmas cartoon parody with some South Park animators...narrated by Alan Cumming. Donald Trump’s BIGLY liddle Christmas Album cartoon commercial.

[i-m-halhefner]

More photos of Bella Thorne have been found. This time revealing her true skin suit.

[i-m-halhefner]

The Simpsons and midsommar mashup

[i-m-halhefner]

(via GIPHY)