madman479r

[madman479r]

Dragon riders favourite TV shows

Hiccup: Forged in Fire (Has competed multiple times but no longer can because he kept winning.)

Astrid: Ninja warrior/Total wipeout (Also has competed and won too many times to play again (Another reason was because she brought her axe with her))

Fishlegs: Anything garden related (Wants his garden to be presented on the show)

Tuffnut and Ruffnut: Mythbusters (Have sent multiple suggestions which involve explosions along with applications to be a part of the show (also involving explosions))

Snotlout: Great British Bake-off (No, I will not elaborate)

[madman479r]

My PFP was a screenshot I took while playing "Warhammer 40K's Space Marine II." The game featured a dodge mechanic, in which if you dodge at just the right time, your character would automatically fire at the attacker with a free bullet.

There was a rare instance in which you can have the Space Marine aim at the camera and I thought it was a cool image, so I screenshot it and used it for my PFP.

@arc-misadventures @snapmite1998 @dragonotaku-justineverything @didyoutrydynamite @thereweredragonshere @rachetmath @juanarc-thethird

Reblog and tell us why your pfp is what it is

mine is my Sheikah OC, Plum, and Paya, her girlfriend

@angrypinkbunny @chatter-crow @magowlio @amberstone-16 @i-love-zelda-16 @plateapus

anyone else can join :3

[madman479r]

Hiccelsa: It is DOING IT for him

Passion projects were a common thing for Hiccup and something that could take up all of his attention, even his own body's natural requirements, I.E.: sleep and food, would be ignored whilst he was in the middle of his work.

Hiccup had created the Inferno sword as a means to help break the amber casing of the Death Song dragon, but he saw the added uses of the fiery blade as a means to hypnotise dragons, to calm them down, to make them think Hiccup was like them, a dragon.

But that gave Hiccup another idea on how to connect with dragons. Dragon scale armour. A suit of armour covered in the shedded scales of their dragon companions. Not only would it allow dragons to identify them as one of their own, but their fireproof attributes allowed for them to be... well, fireproof.

Hiccup also planned to integrate his flightsuit design into the armour as well. While the others didn't think his flightsuit was necessary originally, Hiccup had proven time and time again as to why it was useful. And now he had managed to convince the other riders into having their own flightsuits.

Right now, he was making the finishing touches on Snotlout's armour, seeing as his design requests were more time consuming and thus making the suit unnecessarily flamboyant. (Why Snotlout wanted a Cape and a dozen Nightmare like spikes all over was lost to Hiccup)

The sound of footsteps made Hiccup break away from the suit to see his girlfriend, Elsa, entering the forge with a plate in hand.

"Hi, Hiccup."

"Afternoon, Milady. Something smells good. Is it lunchtime already?" Hiccup was running on from what he had for breakfast but he could feel what energy it provided was long exhausted.

Elsa raised a thin eyebrow, looking slightly concerned. "Hiccup, it's dinner time. A day later. Please tell me yesterday's breakfast wasn't all you had to eat since I last saw you."

"... I can neither confirm nor deny."

Elsa shook her head with a sigh. "Hiccup, please go get some rest after you finish your food."

"I'll eat. But I just want to finish this one up." Hiccup promised.

Elsa set down the plate on Hiccup's desk and began to circle the armour, analysing the suit, looking just as unimpressed and unsurprised by the Cape. "I take it this is Snotlout's."

"What gave it away? The colour or the ridiculous helmet?" Hiccup shared a chuckle with his lover. "Yeah, I've finished my suit, along with Astrid's, Fishlegs', the Twins' and Eret's. But after this suit, I can get started on yours. A-After I get some sleep, of course." Hiccup quickly said as Elsa gave the young Chief a stern glare.

Elsa smiled and kissed Hiccup on the cheek. "Good." Then Elsa tilted her head as Hiccup's words registered. "Wait. Get started on mine? You want to make me some armour?"

"Yeah, I want to make sure you're protected too. I just need to get your measurements to get started." Hiccup said as he went to his desk and picked up a mutton leg to eat.

Elsa joined Hiccup at his desk, sitting on the table, leaning her face close to Hiccup's with a seductive smile and half lidded eyes. "Is that your way of having me let you run your hands over my hips, legs and chest?" She then leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "You don't need to make up a reason to do that, babe."

Hiccup shivered and was disappointed as Elsa pulled back.

"Besides, you don't need to make me a suit." Elsa said.

"Like I said, I want to make sure you're protected too." Hiccup reiterated.

"No, I mean you don't need to make me a suit because I can make my own armour." Elsa clarified.

Hiccup paused as his leg of mutton hung over his open maw. He pulled the meat away and asked. "What do you mean?" He knew Elsa's magic allowed her to make some of her own clothes, such as that fetching ice dress Hiccup found irresistible, but armour? Was that possible?

Elsa smirked and stepped back before closing her eyes and gaining a look of concentration. White magical ice swirled around Elsa and the girl was suddenly covered from neck to toe in a gorgeous set of ice blue armour.

("Elsa - Knight" Art by Zeronis on Patr30n (Found on Pinterest))

Elsa gave a slow twirl of her body, showing off the entirety of her ice creation. "I got the idea from my ice sculptures. I figured that since I can adjust the density of my ice, why not make it stronger than metal, yet flexible for mobility? I know you're going for a draconic style, what with the scales, but I was inspired by the stories of knights in shining armour I'd read when I was a girl. I know the design is a bit show off-y. But I thought, why not make it functional and fashionable. So, what do you think?" After a long silence, Elsa turned around to face her boyfriend. "Hiccup?"

But Hiccup stared at Elsa with a dropped jaw, his eyes wide and completely mesmerised. It seemed as though the world around him slowed to a crawl as he drank in the dream like sight before him, the moonlight shining off the glimmering armour that somehow still showed off her tantalising curves, the heels that emphasized those amazing legs, the chest plate that didn't make an effort to hide her endowment, her pale blonde hair in a practical braid that still made her look beautiful.

Hiccup felt that he was in the presence of a breathtaking valkyire, dangerous yet enticing. And it made his blood flow to a certain region of his body.

"Hiccup? You still there- mmph!" Elsa was suddenly pulled into a hot kiss which she quickly and happily melted into, her body melding against Hiccup's perfectly, like a lock and key. "Mmm" Elsa moaned into Hiccup's mouth, which increased in decibels when Hiccup's hand travelled to her rear.

Unfortunately, oxygen was still a necessity for both, which made them reluctantly pull away, but they rested their foreheads against each other, their breaths mixing together as lustful, crystal blue eyes stared into hungry forest green.

"Is it strange that I want to get you out of this armour, but want to have you wear it at the same time?" Hiccup asked breathlessly.

"The same way I feel when you first showed off your scale armour." Elsa confessed before a sly look took over. "You know... I can make certain... adjustments to this. Giving you... easy access without having to take it off." Elsa suggested.

Before Hiccup could say anything, his arms were suddenly vacant as Elsa pulled away, making Hiccup whine under his breath.

"But first, you're going to eat your dinner. Of course, I'll be waiting for you at home, so... don't take too long." Elsa glanced over her shoulder with a look of desire and walked away, hips swaying, knowing a pair of green eyes were glued to them.

Elsa quietly giggled at the sound of a plate scrapping and fast munching as she walked away from the forge.

[madman479r]

Hiccstrid: The seven stages of 🐓 shock

Hiccstrid wedding night

**Hiccup and Astrid kissing heavily, tearing at each others ceremonial wedding clothes.**

Astrid: **Straddles Hiccup on their bed** You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment.

Hiccup: **Joking** What? You've fantasised about us having sex for the first time?

Astrid: *dead serious** Yes.

Hiccup: W-what?

Astrid: Ever since I realised my feelings for you, I've imagined this moment, being atop of you, or you being atop of me. Visualising your face, whether it be flustered pleasure or lustfully hunger, with your eyes always being the same, filled with love as we finally join as one.

Hiccup: Astrid...

Astrid: And now, I don't have to imagine because I get to see it and feel it. **Reaches for his under garments but Hiccup grabs hed hands.** Hiccup?

Hiccup: **Nervous and avoiding eye contact** Astrid... I... I just don't want to disappoint you by my...

Astrid: Hiccup. I stood by your side for years because I love you, I married you because I love you. I don't care if its big or small, because your heart and mind is what won mine. **Leans down to Kiss Hiccup and trails kisses down his body until her face is level with his crotch.**

Hiccup: A-Astrid-!

Astrid: Shh. Relax, **Pulls down his underwear slowly** I want this. I want you. All of you. Big or sma- **Feels something thick hit the underside of her chin.**

STAGE 1: SHOCK

Astrid: **Wide eyes and jaw nearly touching the bed** H-Hiccup?! What the fuck?!

Hiccup: Gah! I knew it. It's too small.

Astrid: Hiccup, how in the ever living Hel is THAT small?!

STAGE 2: CONFUSION

Astrid: No, seriously, how have you hidden this?! How do you fucking walk with it?!

Hiccup: W-well, I- uh

Astrid: Wait. When we were making out that one time at the Edge and I said I felt something large poking me, you said it was the Dragon Eye... Was that your cock?!

Hiccup: I-I didn't want you to think I was a pervert.

STAGE 3: EVIDENCE GATHERING

Astrid: **Hesitantly wraps her hand around it**

Hiccup: Urf! A-Astrid...

Astrid: Freya- Hiccup, my fingers aren't touching. Its thicker than my axe handle. **Puts her forearm beside it** Its as long as my fucking arm...

STAGE 4: BARGAINING

Astrid: M-Maybe we should w-wait until I've gotten ready for this. Maybe if I talk to Valka, she may have some advice.

Hiccup: Why would we involve my mom?!

Astrid: Hiccup, I can only think of one man on Berk who'd have a cock just as big, and your mom fucked him. She'll know what to do.

Hiccup: I'd wish I had a small dick if it meant you didn't bring up my parents' sex life.

STAGE 5: ANXIETY

Astrid: Get it together, Girl. You're a Hofferson.

Hiccup: Pretty sure we just had a whole ceremony that changed you from a Hofferson to a Haddock.

Astrid: You've rode a dragon you just barely trained to fight a queen dragon. You’ve faced a screaming death without fear. You've trained a wild, hostile dragon while blind. You can do this! Then again, you done would you could to avoid being stabbed with claws, teeth and stingers, now you’re about to have THIS thing inside you.

STAGE 6: RESOLVE

Astrid: **Takes a deep breath and gains a look of determination that Hiccup fell in love with.** Okay. Let's do this.

STAGE 7: ACCEPTANCE

**Loud slapping noises and moans and groans coming from the Chief and Chieftess' home**

**Slap!Thwap!PlatPlatPlat!**

Astrid: **Bouncing on Hiccup’s cock** Oh, fuck yes! 💕💕💕

Hiccup: A-Astrid! *Barely keeping up with his thrusts**

Astrid: Oh, gawds! Its~ Tearing me apart! But I love it! I-Ah! Won't be able to- OH~♥️! W-walk after t-HISSSSS! GAWWW!

Hiccup: Astrid, you're so warm! NRG! And tight!

Astrid: No! Y-You're just- Ha~❤! Fucking BIG! Ha! Ah! AHHH~💕! E-even iF!-💕 I wanted t-to be unFAIthFUL- so fucking full~💓 n-no man w-would evER be able to FEEEEL MEEEE!♥️ HAAAA~💕! I'd- be too stretched OUT! By your massive FUCK meat!💕💓♥️

**Thwalp!Palp!Slap!**

[madman479r]

Burglar: **Breaks into my house**

My ghost house mate: WOOO! YES! YES! I'VE BEEN WAITING- I'VE BEEN PRAYING THAT SOME MOTHERFUCKER WOULD!

You're about to close on your very own, suspiciously affordable and comfortable house. Just before you sign the contract, the realtor shows you the required legal disclosure: your new house is haunted by the type of presence you'll get from this spinner wheel.

Of course it is.

[madman479r]

I remember when Hiccup said to Fishlegs "Meatlug is safe. Johann's with her."

And Fishlegs is immediately in protective papa bear mode. "Johann? You let Johann ride Meatlug? MY MEATLUG?!" Like bro was ready to catch a body then and there

Snotlout describing himself as completely lost when Hookfang was ill in Race to Fireworm Island is so good. That's definitely how all of the Riders feel whenever something happens to their dragon.

I mean, Hiccup literally almost killed Dagur because Toothless was injured.

The twins let Snotlout get punched because Barch was doting on Hiccup (and Toothless).

Astrid gets herself poisoned for Stormfly in this very episode.

Not ignoring Fishlegs and Meatlug: he's incredibly protective over her.

[madman479r]

It depends when it comes to Jaune robbing a store.

Wants to buy some materials and tools in order to patch a hole in his roof but doesn't have his wallet? Guess he'll just firm the cold winters night.

One of his friends ask him to buy a stick of gum and he doesn't have his wallet? Holds up the store, keeps hostages, basically gets a 5 star wanted level but he's getting his friend that gum

Lmao

[madman479r]

Hiccup ready to catch a body

Astrid: Snotlout, can you calm Hookfang down!

Snotlout: Urgh! Fine!

Astrid: Snotlout! Stop, you could hurt him!

Snotlout: Relax! He actually likes this.

Fishlegs: He likes having his horns bent to the ground? Interesting.

Astrid: Huh. Well as long as he's not in pain. What do you think, Hic-...

Hiccup likes-dragons-more-than-people Haddock: **Has his knife half way unsheathed with a glare** "..." **Sheathes knife with narrowed eyes.**

Astrid:😐

Fishlegs:😐

Snotlout:😐

[madman479r]

As long as Tomas also becomes a woman and remains shirtless, that is an acceptable deal

If this happens I will literally flip tables.

[madman479r]

Bottom or top?

Nuffink: So that's how Grandpa met Skullcrusher?

Hiccup: Yeah. But that doesn't mean he loved Thornado any less, he loved both of his dragons, equally. Just how like me and your mother love the both of you equally.

Zephyr: Dad, I was wondering, how did you and mom fall in love?

Hiccup: Ho, boy. That's a long story, and one we won't be able to get into tonight. It's bedtime.

Zephyr: The other kids were asking if you're a bottom or a top.

Hiccup:... They- They should not be asking that.

Zephyr: They said if that was your answer, you were a bottom.

Hiccup: Who are these f*****g kids you're talking to?!

[madman479r]

Random Chief: So you see why we requested Berk's help, Chieftess Hoffers-

Astrid: Apologies for interrupting, but it's Haddock.

Chief: Of course, my mistake, Chieftess Haddock. As I was saying, these Whispering Deaths are becoming a problem. With Berk's reputation on controlling dragons, we were hoping if you could be of some assistance.

Astrid:...

Chief:... Uh? Chieft-

Astrid: Wait for it.

**Great Hall doors burst open**

Hiccup: Oh, my Gods, Astrid! These Whispering Deaths are so adorable! Spike here- that's his name, by the way, I named him Spike- is so affectionate and protective of his siblings! **Says this while atop a Whispering Death while cradling a baby Whispering Death, who snuggles into his arms**

Chief and his Vikings: **Shocked looks and dropped jaws**

Astrid (internally): That right there is my fucking husband.

Opinion on the AU/headcanon where Astrid either becomes an official chieftess with hiccup taking a different (likely dragon-related) role, or just takes over most of the time while he's off somewhere?

Insanely in character. Would so read a fic on that. Chief Astrid and her slightly feral husband goes so hard

[madman479r]

Random girl test

Ruffnut: So, how's things with you and Hic?

Astrid: it's actually going great. Our dynamic hasn't changed that much, we're just more open about what we're thinking and feeling. And thankfully Hiccup knows how to be a good boyfriend and a leader at the same time. It was his idea that, whenever we're on mission or business, we remain professional.

Ruffnut: Yeah, part of me thought he'd get overprotective and try to give you less dangerous jobs or bench you all together.

Astrid: Thankfully that's not the case. He trusts me completely.

Ruffnut: Sure, but do you trust him?

Astrid: What? Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?

Ruffnut: Girl, you haven't even tested him yet.

Astrid: Test him how?

Ruffnut: Well, one scenario that comes to mind is if a random girl kisses him. Does he push them away as soon as possible, or does he let them kiss him and just say he was "taken by surprise"?

Astrid: Ruffnut, that's ridiculous.

Ruffnut: Alright. I bet that if you pretend to be a random girl, he'll let you kiss him.

Astrid: Deal.

Later

Hiccup: **Walking towards his hut**

Astrid: **Walking towards Hiccup** Hey, Hiccup?

Hiccup: **Turns to see Astrid** H-

Astrid: Think fast, I'm a random girl **Gets close to Hiccup to try and kiss him**

Hiccup: **Reacts and pushes Astrid against a wall with his hand on her throat**

Astrid: 😐 *Astrid.exe processing*

Hiccup: 😐

Astrid: **Blushes and feels strangely turned on**

Hiccup: **Hand still on her throat by steps closer to Astrid**

Astrid: **Bites lips and put one hand over her and another on his cheek**

Hiccup: **About to kiss Astrid but pauses**... Wait, you're a random girl.

Astrid: Nonono. Screw that.

Hiccup: Nooo. You're a random girl.

Astrid: Nope. Screw that. **Picks up Hiccup over her shoulder**

Hiccup: Wait-

[madman479r]

The struggle of having "hot" parents

Zephyr

An 18-year-old Zephyr was hanging out with her friends by the statue of her grandfather, Stoick the Vast. Each of the girls were talking about Berk's recent history, or rather the years of the dragon riders.

Many people would think having parents that had such feats as Hiccup and Astrid Haddock did would bring a lot of pressure and an inferiority complex, but not Zephyr. If anything, she was proud to have such awesome parents as hers.

Seriously! Her mother was the best warrior Berk had ever seen, going up against giant burly vikings with ease, being second only to her Grandfather Stoick, and that was only because her mom didn't fight him out of respect.

And her father was the brightest Viking of the barbaric archipelago, using his mind to defeat powerful foes and overcome overwhelming odds, making a sword of fire and being able to fly without a dragon!

One of her friends, Bodil, suddenly shivered when a cold gust of wind brushed past them. "Hey, mind if we go inside. It's getting cold."

"Sure. Let's go to my house." Zephyr offered and the group of teens made for her house.

So yeah, Zephyr truly loved her parents and was proud to be their child. But there was just one issue...

"Soooo... will your dad be home?" Alma, another one of Zephyr's friends, tried to casually ask, but her sly and hopeful tone betrayed her.

Zephyr stopped in her tracks and deadpanned at the girl. "Seriously?"

"I'm just asking because... I... don't want to disturb him?" Alma weakly defended.

"Oh yeah, you'll totally be disappointed to see him." Every time. Every. Single. TIME! Many women apparently had the hots for her dad, both his generation and her generation, and her friends were no exception. They'd either freeze up, become overly awkward, try to get his attention or act flirtatious, sometimes it was all of the above.

And the funny thing, something Zephyr didn't know whether was a good or bad thing, was that her dad was completely oblivious to it.

Once some girl baked something for her dad, brought to the house and everything. From her stance, how she offered to bake some more if he wished, it was clear she was shooting her shot. And dad's reaction once the door was close? "...What a nice young lady."

And her mother, who could see through the compliments and gifts, would only smile or laugh it off. Apparently her father wasn't one for subtly or ques, seeing as she had kissed him multiple times before they got together and he never imagined her mother was in love with him.

But seriously! It was only gross! That was her dad! You can use 'cool', 'awesome', 'brave' or 'smart' to describe him, but hot? That was not a word she wanted associated with her father.

=================

Nuffink

Ever since he understood his warrior lineage, Nuffink wanted nothing more than to be the greatest warrior of Berk, along with his mom and Grandpa Stoick. Even wanting to achieve the same feat as Grandpa Stoick did in breaking a rock in two with only his head.

(Nuffink didn't see why mom was annoyed with grunkle Gobber when he told him that story, it sounded so cool!)

So he would constantly train, with whatever weapon felt the best (twin short swords sounded cool, maybe even a wrist sword) and with his mom. Maybe he was a momma's boy, but who wouldn't wish to have such a cool, badass warrior for a mother?

And when his mom became the teacher for the next generation of fighters, he was the first in line to sign up, and aimed to be the best student.

Unfortunately, there were some other eager young men who wanted to learn under his mom. But not for the right reasons.

"Man, I can't wait to do some hand-to-hand with miss Astrid."

"I know how to make her sweat, and not just in a fight."

"Think I'll be able to get some private lessons?"

Nuffink normally would have broken some Jaws and knocked some teeth loose after hearing the other boys talk in such a way about his mother, not only was it disrespectful to him, but to his mother, who didn't deserve to be talked in such a way, and to his father, who these morons acted like wasn't worthy of her.

But Nuffink knew that what was to come would be so much more satisfying and hilarious.

See, these horny idiots didn't know how strict Astrid Haddock got when it came time to training. Outside of it? She was kind, nurturing and loving to Nuffink, but during training? It wasn't 'mom', instead it was 'Ma'am', even to him.

"Alright, listen up!" Mom finally made it into the training arena, gaining the attention of all participants. "I want you to get one thing. I bet you all think you're already the best fighter here, that you'll breeze past this, but I plan on crushing that delusion, crushing that arrogance and crushing that enthusiasm. Because if that enthusiasm can be so easily destroyed, then it was too weak for me to mould into a true warrior. If you don't leave here sore, then I consider that a session wasted. Is that understood?"

Nuffink was the only one to answer with the expected "Yes, ma'am!" With his chest puffed out and back straight, while the others gave half hearted affirmations.

Astrid Haddock narrowed her eyes dangerously and took out her axe before throwing it at the group, missing one boy by just a hair, which made them all straighten up in sudden fear.

Nuffink snorted. Didn't these idiots get it? She had intentionally missed. If she wanted that throw to kill someone, there would be one less person on New Berk.

"Alright. We'll be focusing on hand-to-hand combat. Because if you can't even throw a decent punch, then I doubt you'll be able to a sword correctly. Any volunteers?"

One arrogant asshole, by the name of Ivar, confidently strode up to mom with a leer on his face, flexing his muscles 'subtly'. "Don't worry, miss Hofferson, I'm sure a session with me will leave you sore, in a good way." He said in an oily tone.

Mom simply raised an unimpressed brow at him and silently got into a fighting stance, which Ivar pathetically copied, pathetic in the sense that it was completely open and a poor replication of his mother's stance.

Ivar suddenly threw a jab, (too slow, too wide and leaving his vital points open to attack, Nuffink analysed) to which Astrid simply parried and quickly threw a powerful punch into his exposed sternum, making the teen lose both his air and confidence. As he bent forward, struggling to breathe, Astrid was quick to follow up with a elbow uppercut to his chin, forcing his chin to point up towards the sky, as Astrid spun around and used her hand to chop the side of his neck, effortlessly taking him down in only three strikes and in seemingly just a blink of an eye.

As Ivar rolled on the ground, gasping for air, the other students suddenly grew a new found level of fear for their instructor.

"Anyone notice where he went wrong?" Astrid questioned, unconcerned for Ivar.

Nuffink answered, not raising his hand as his mom preferred, "He left himself exposed with a poor stance, especially after throwing a punch that was too wide."

Astrid nodded with a small smile. "Correct, Haddock."

Nuffink allowed a smile to grow on his face. Even if his peers acted to shamelessly towards his mother, he wouldn't have her any other way. And being able to have front row seats to his mother decimating those same idiots wasn't a bad trade.

[madman479r]

A change of Schneenery

Weiss:... *staring blankly at book*

Ruby: Hey, Weiss. You okay?

Weiss: Huh, what? I mean, yes. Why wouldn't I be?

Yang: Because you've been staring at the same page for 20 minutes, so unless you're a slow reader, something is bothering you.

Weiss: Since when are you observant?

Yang: Nice redirection, now spill.

Weiss:... *sighs* Well, as you know, Winter has been able to visit since Atlas has lent some of its forces to Vale and Beacon.

Blake: The sister you strive to impress and feel that nothing you do is good enough so you push harder? Yes, we know.

Weiss: Thank you for that unnecessary commentary, Blake. But yes. During our tea time, I asked if she would like to spar this evening after classes, but she said she was... otherwise engaged.

Yang: So, what? You're bummed because she's busy with work?

Weiss: It's not that. I understand she is quite busy, having responsibilities as a high ranking Atlas Specialist, I've come to terms with that and cherished the short times we get to spend together, but she said that this engagement was not work related, but rather... a... date.

Ruby: *Gasp* Oh! Your sister has a boyfriend?! That's great, good for her!

Weiss: She doesn't have a boyfriend, dunce! It is apparently her first evening with this person, so he's hardly a "boyfriend", and I wouldn't use such an immature title for Winter.

Yang: Whoa! Calm down, Ice Queen. Jeez, you seem pretty wound up by this guy.

Blake: Maybe it's because she's jealous.

Weiss: Jealous?! Of what, exactly? Why would I be jealous of Winter?

Blake: Not Winter. But of the guy she's going on a date with.

Yang:.. Weiss, please tell me you don't think incest is wincest.

Weiss: W-WHAT?! GET SUCH FILTHY, DEGENERATE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR MIND, XIAO LONG!

Blake: Not like that, either of you. I meant as in you're jealous of this mystery guy because you're afraid of him cutting into your 'Winter' time, and she'll have less time for you.

Ruby: Oooooh! Well that's ridiculous too, Weiss. Winter is your sister, your big sister. And she'll always have time for you, the best big sisters do. Even if they can be a little overboard.

Yang: Are you referring to me?

Ruby: I don't know. Do you know anyone else who stood outside my friend's home and watched the house all night while I was having a sleep over?

Yang: It was your first time, I was just making sure they weren't the bitchy type.

Ruby: Anyway, just remember, Winter will always love you and have time for you.

Weiss:... Thanks, Ruby. I guess I just needed to hear that.

Yang: So, who is the guy that managed to capture your sister's heart. If she's got an even bigger stick up her ass than you do, he must have been a catch.

Weiss: Har har. But to answer your question, I'm not sure. She never gave me a name or even a description.

**KNOCK KNOCK**

Weiss: I'll get it. **Opens door to see...**

Weiss: Winter? What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?

Winter: Weiss? Oh, I think I may have the wrong room.

Weiss: What?

**Sound of a door behind Winter opening**

???: Winter?

**Winter and Weiss look to see**

Weiss: Urgh, Arc. What do you-

Winter: Ah, Jaune, I hope I'm not too late for our date.

Weiss: YOUR WHAT?!

Jaune: Oh, no. Just on time if anything. And can I say you look stunning.

Winter: *///* Oh, flatterer. You clean up quite nice yourself. Very handsome.

Jaune: *Rubs back of head with a blush* Yeah, I didn't think my hoodie would be a good attire. Oh! Uh? **Offers arm for her to hold** Shall we?

Winter: *locks her arm around Jaune's and waves to Weiss** I shall see you soon, sister. Sorry to disturb you. *walks off with Jaune.*

Weiss:... *twitching eye* (mind .exe has stopped working)

Yang: Dang. Didn't think I'd say this, but vomit boy looked kinda hot dressed like that. He should try that more often.

Blake: I didn't think we'd see the day he actually managed to get a date.

Ruby: Blake! That's mean.

Blake: Sorry but you can't deny what I said.

Yang: Yeah, sorry sis. But Jaune isn't exactly beating the women away with a stick, not with his dorky attitude. But still, I guess Jaune just hit the right buttons for Ice Queen senior.

Weiss: This... this has to be a mistake. A cruel joke! How could my sister, the epitome of perfection and sophistication, even entertain the idea of spending time with that buffoon?!

Yang: Hey, like I said, maybe she just saw something in him we didn't. Besides, it's just a date. It's not like she's gonna marry him.

Weiss: Do not put such disturbing imagery in my head, Yang.

Blake: Uh, guys? What's that on the floor?

Weiss: Hmm? Is... is that...

Yang: Holy shit, that's a condom! Vomit boy is kinda moving fast.

Ruby: Girls...

Weiss: That pervert!

Ruby: Weiss.

Weiss: He thinks he can so easily bed my sister and sully her name?!

Ruby: Weiss!

Weiss: I'm going to take this condom, find Winter and expose Arc for his degeneracy!

Ruby: WEISS!

Weiss: WHAT?!

Ruby: That condom doesn't belong to Jaune. It fell where Winter was standing

Weiss:...

Blake: **Slowly goes back to reading.**

Yang:... Damn.

[madman479r]

Ghost hunters

Hiccup: I still don't think there was anything in that house.

Merida: Oh, you say that every time.

Hiccup: And every time we come up with squat. Nothing.

Merida: That's because we didn't have the same kind of equipment we have now. Speaking of which, how's the upload coming, Punzie? Did it catch anything?

Rapunzel: Give it a minute, its nearly complete... there. Video and audio capture uploaded.

Screen:...

Hiccup: Once again, nothing. See, I told y-

Rapunzel: Wait! I think i saw something!

Merida: Bloody hell, really?

Rapunzel: Yeah, but it's too dark to see.

Hiccup: Probably just a speck of dust.

Rapunzel: Let me turn up the brightness and saturation... there.

Screen: **Shows a pale, skinny figure, floating past the screen and through a solid wall**

Hiccup: Holy fuck. That's a ghost.

Merida: Ha! I fucking knew it! Guess our source was right. Apparently his name is Jack. Anytime the room suddenly gets cold, its a sign he's there.

Rapunzel: And the thermal readings comfirm that. Its the middle of summer yet the room dropped to near freezing. Looks like a recent spirit too. He had a blue hoodie on and his hair was white. Maybe he dyed it?

Hiccup: That or he's albino. Rewind and increase volume, let's see if he had anything to say.

Merida: Oh, now you believe.

Rapunzel: Shh! I think he spoke.

Jack (on screen) ~Can I put my baaalls in your jaw~? Baaalls in your jaaaw~ Can IIIII? Can I~ *Floats through wall*

Hiccup:...

Merida:...

Rapunzel:...

[madman479r]

RWBY MK INTROS (Jaune becomes Spawn II)

Ren

Frayer: I didn't want you to see me like this.

Ren: Dead or alive, you're my brother.

Frayer: Thank you, brother.

***

Ren: Jaune, what happened to you?

Frayer: I got stronger.

Ren: At what cost?

***

Frayer: Get out of my way, Ren.

Ren: This isn't what Pyrrha would want.

Frayer: You've used up your one pass for that.

***

Ren: You're not the only one who lost Pyrrha.

Frayer: We won't lose anyone again.

Ren: You can't guarantee that.

***

Nora

Frayer: I didn't want you to see me like this.

Nora: You're still my fearless leader, dummy.

Frayer: Thank you, Nora.

***

Nora: Jaune means yellow, what does Frayer mean?

Frayer: It means Spawn.

Nora: That's a goofy name.

***

Frayer: I'm a dead man walking.

Nora: You're still Jaune to me.

Frayer: No, I'm not.

***

Nora: Stop this, Jaune. Please.

Frayer: I'm protecting you and Ren, Nora.

Nora: Not like this, Jaune.

***

Pyrrha

Frayer: Pyrrha? Is that you?

Pyrrha: Guess again, toasted shit face

Frayer: Violator. Don't think that face'll save you.

***

Pyrrha: Who are you?

Frayer: The idiot you took pity on.

Pyrrha: it can't be... Jaune?

***

Frayer: Bad idea, mother fucker.

Pyrrha: What are you talking about?

Frayer: You're using a dead girl's face.

***

Pyrrha: Who are you?

Frayer: The idiot you took pity on.

Pyrrha: Jaune would never commit the atrocities you have!

***

Frayer: Why did you accept Ozpin's offer?

Pyrrha: It was my destiny.

Frayer: Fuck destiny.

***

Jaune

Frayer: Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

Jaune: Whoa! Who- what are you?

Frayer: The fucking ghost of Christmas future.

***

Jaune: So I become a badass anti hero? Cool!

Frayer: Was i that fucking naive?

Jaune: A potty mouth too.

***

Frayer: You sure you wanna train with me?

Jaune: You said Pyrrha dies, so I want to be strong enough to stop that.

Frayer: I'm gonna make you beg for death.

***

Jaune: This isn't how a hero should act.

Frayer: Don't you give me a fucking lecture.

Jaune: You're just as bad as the bad guys.

RWBY MK intros (Jaune becomes Spawn)

(Frayer is French for Spawn)

RUBY

Frayer: Drop your morals or get outta my way.

Ruby: I know you're still in there, Jaune.

Frayer: Stop it, Ruby.

***

Ruby: My Cape is cooler.

Frayer: Mine gives me whatever weapon I want.

Ruby: Crescent Rose is all i need.

***

Frayer: We gotta kill our enemies.

Ruby: If we do, we're no better than them.

Frayer: Say that when your sister dies.

***

Ruby: Jaune, is that you?

Frayer: Arc is dead, I'm what remains.

Ruby: No, please. Not you too.

***

Weiss

Frayer: You think the same as Rose?

Weiss: I'm just not sure.

Frayer: Our enemies deserve death.

***

Weiss: Jaune? What happened to you?

Frayer: As if you give a shit, Schnee.

Weiss: You're my friend, of course I care!

***

Frayer: Your sister is pissing me off.

Weiss: Maybe don't disobey her every order.

Frayer: I don't take orders from anyone.

***

Weiss: I kind of miss your goofy attitude.

Frayer: The attitude of a weakling.

Weiss: You were stronger than you realise.

***

Blake

Frayer: Heads up, you're not my type.

Blake: You think you're mine?

Frayer: Your last boyfriend was edgy, dark and brooding.

***

Blake: I miss the old Jaune.

Frayer: You never gave a shit about him.

Blake: You don't know what you have 'til it's gone.

***

Frayer: You killed Adam?

Blake: It was a one time thing!

Frayer: Why stop with him?

***

Blake: We can't become killers!

Frayer: Adam might have something to say.

Blake: That's-! That's not the same!

***

Yang

Frayer: You got a problem, Xiao-Long?

Yang: You made Ruby cry!

Frayer: Boo-fucking-hoo.

***

Yang: When did you become such an asshole?

Frayer: Probably when I became an undead corpse.

Yang: Smart ass too.

***

Frayer: You regret killing Adam?

Yang: Not for a second.

Frayer: Ready to get your hands dirty again?

***

Yang: Think you can handle me?

Frayer: Fight me and you'll lose more than a limb.

Yang: For that, I'm hitting below the belt.

***

[madman479r]

Twins on dragon nip.

Tuffnut: If... crabs walk under water...

Hiccup:...

Ruffnut: Do they think fish are flying?

Hiccup:... You got into the dragon nip again, didn't you?

0-0-0-0-0

Ruffnut: If... a person is born blind...

Astrid:...

Tuffnut: Do they dream? Can they see in their dreams?

Astrid: Nobody's at the guard tower, are they?

0-0-0-0-0

Tuffnut: If... a ship's wooden planks are gradually replaced over the years until there is no more original planks...

Fishlegs:...

Ruffnut: Is that still the same ship, or is it a new one?

Fishlegs:... Oh my Odin. That's deep.

0-0-0-0-0

Ruffnut: If... we snap our fingers...

Snotlout:...

Tuffnut: You will forget you were ever gay. **Tuff and Ruff snap their fingers simultaneously**

Snotlout: ??? I was never gay.

Ruffnut: Exactly.

Snotlout: Wait, no. Stop!

Tuffnut: Yes.

Snotlout: No, stop! You can't- i was never gay.

Ruffnut: Okay.

Snotlout: No! I was never gay!

Tuffnut: Sure.

Snotlout: You can't just... state something, then snap your fingers and then be like isususo- I was never gay!

Ruffnut: If you say so.