meloncut - Tumblr blog

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Person A: Look, I just really need advice, and you're the best person I know. Can you help me?

Person B: A, I'm literally in jail right now.

Person A: Look, Bob from work is getting on my nerves and I'm three seconds from joining you, will you please listen.

Person B : If you bust me out I can do it myself.

Person A: ...Really?

Person C : Please don't make me arrest you again, I have dinner plans.

Person B : Oh, how is your daughter, C?

Person C : If her boyfriend calls me by my name one more time, I'm joining both of you.

Person A: We can be bunkmates!!

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POV: Charlie found out in the first movie.

Bella:*Sitting on the coach with her leg propped up*

Charlie: Lmao, here's a gun-

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Mike: Are you dating my Dungeon Master?!

Steve: Yes, and?

Mike: This is worst then when you dated my sister!!

Eddie: Wheeler, don't yell at your Mother-

Mike:*Screams*

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*Rachel and Gar laughing at a table*

Kory: They're cute together.

Dick: They certainly are sitting close together.

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At this point in my life, me showing you my fanart is more intimate than sex. If I show it to you and you like it, even if it's gay or anything, that's it, you are never getting rid of me, buddy, pal, my friend.

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Paused this at the right time, and now I'm scared. Like dam, Kowalski is so judgy

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Dude. Is it weird that a part of my brain just whispered: I'm the God of Cheese, I can't do that

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Or in Percy Jackson's case, both.

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If Emma was Raised by her Parents-

Little Emma: Dad, where did you get that scar?

Prince Charming: Oh, Your Mother gave it to me when we first met. She struck me with a rock to escape. It was so romantic.

Snow:

Little Emma:

Grumpy: God dammit, Charming-

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The Electroclan: Who the fuck is he?

Mitchell:* Awkward silence*

Jack: My friend, chill.

Wade: MITCHIE, SAVE ME

Michael: Uh, Hi.

Mitchell: Just kill me now.

Ostin: Now you know how I feel.

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Dr. Coonradt.m, on the phone: Michael, the worst thing you can do in these situations is take matters into your own hands.

Michael, over the phone: Got it.

Michael, to the Electroclan: We're gonna have to take matters into our own hands.

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Dc x Marvel

*We see the heroes and vigilantes engaged in battle with villains*

Riddler: The more of this there is, the less you see. What is it?

Peter Parker: Your Mom!

Ridler: I- No! The more of-

Tim: You're Momma is so fat, she's on both sides of the family!

Jason: OOOOHHHHH!

Shuri: Yo momma's got a leather wig with suede sideburns!

Dick: OOOOOHHHH!

Riddler: I-

Steve: What are they doing, Stark?

Tony: Shh, I wanna see who wins.

Green Arrow: pass the popcorn

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DC x Marvel Crossover

Loki: I feel stabby.

Peter: You can stab me, Mr Loki, if it helps, I'll heal.

Tony: Kid, no.

Peter: But Mr. Stark, he feels stabby. We have to encourage him!

Joker: Can I stab you?!

Peter: Are you like Mr. Loki?

Joker:...That sucks all the fun out of it.

Batman: God fucking dam-

Superman: Batman! Not in front of the kids!

Jason: Yeah, not in front of the fucking kids, bitch.

Dick: Is nobody else concerned that this kid is willing to get stabbed?

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Interview #2

[Who do you think is the most attractive person on your team?]

M'gann: *Blushing* Connor, of course.

Artemis: Wally.

Roy: Robin.

M'gann: Wait, you've seen him without his mask on?

Roy: Me and Wally both have, same with Kaldur.

M'gann: Aww... I wanna see.

Connor: M'gann.

Kaldur: Roy.

Roy: Thanks dude.

Kaldur: Anytime.

Robin: Superboy.

M'gann:..What?

Robin: Have you seen his jawline and cheekbones?

Wally: I know, right? And his muscles?

Robin: Definitely the best looking out of all of us.

Wally: He's on my DIF list.

Artemis: "DIF List?"

Roy: We all have a 'Dudes I'd F*ck' List. My first option would be Batman, sorry Robin.

Robin: My first would be Superboy or Kaldur. Those muscles are only a plus.

Wally: Dude..

Robin: I'm sorry, Wally.

Wally: Don't talk to me..

Robin: Dude-

[I think we should cut to a commercial break, Dan-]

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Interview #1

[Who do you think is the most-level headed person on your team?]

M'gann: Well, if I had to choose anybody, I think it would probably be Robin or Kaldur. They think ahead, and manage to keep their emotions in check.

Artemis: Kaldur.

Conner: Robin.

Roy: Me.

Wally: I would have to say...Wolf.

The Team: ...What?

*Wally gestures to Robin and Kaldur*

Robin: *Cackles* They think we're stable?! I can barely stop myself from screaming every few seconds.

Kaldur: *In physical pain* I'm trying not to laugh, it hurts.

Robin:*Drops to the floor, laughing.*

[I think we're done for today...]

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Then make sure the person you hate the most isn't the one getting shot, their right behind you, getting knocked out with you. The "If I'm going down, I'm bringing you with me"

What do you think is the funniest looking gun

28mm revolver cause it looks like a normal sized revolver until you see a real person holding it

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And then there's the classic I-chewed-wrong-is-everyone-looking-at-me. I feel embarrassed for eating, like did I just damage your eardrums?!