noneofyoubeewax

[noneofyoubeewax]

Changing account because of my phone

I’ll be reposting everything

[noneofyoubeewax]

Not trans, it’s genderbent

Lady Marvel, No Captain  Marvel

Genderbent Captain  Marvel

Billy Batson -> Lilly Batson

Still a homeless baby

Lilly first debut as a hero. After defeating Doctor Sivana

Male Civilian: “Thank you so much Miss?”

Cap: “o-oh Captain Marvel!”

(M) Civilian: “thank you so much, Miss Captain  Marvel”

Cap: “you can just call me Captain”

(M) Civilian: “Miss Captain”

Cap: “Just Captain”

Lilly was a bit annoyed but she thought it would be a one time thing (it would not be)

———————————————————————

Reporter: “ Lady Marvel! Lady Marvel! Lady Marvel!” (Waving hands frantically)

Cap: (confuse, looking around) “me?)

Reporter: “um yes”

Cap: (flys down to the reporter) “hello I’m Captain Marvel, how can I help you?

Reporter: (holds mic up) “Lady Captain Marvel can yo-”

Cap: “No…..Captain Marvel”

Reporter: “ok, um so this miss, (faces the camera) “today we have our new local hero, Miss Captain Marvel”

Cap: “um-if-I-excuse me, it’s Captain Marvel you can drop the Miss, please”

.

.

.

Reporter: “o-ok”

~~~~~~*A~w~k~w~a~r~d*~~~~~~

———————————————————————

Cap chilling on a roof, licking a ice cream feeling upset since everyone keeps on calling her wrong even after a whole year from her debut and her popping the time bubble.

Cap: “stupid stupid stupid stupid”

Solomon: “calm down Champion”

Achilles: “the next time someone says the wrong name punch them”

Solomon: “n-

Hercules: “ throw a building at them”

Solomon: “NO!”

Zeus: “YES, and tell them that you’re going to sleep with their father or male Parent figure and give a worthy respectable Child”

Cap: ”umm”

Atlas: “let’s ignore Zeus”

Mercury: “just don’t save them if they get your name wrong”

Solomon: “No! It’s not the champion job to get annoyed when people get your name”

Achilles: “you got mad at that kid at the history museum Lilly went to (because it was free entry day) when a kid called you, “Solo-mom”

Solomon: “she completely butchered my name”

Zeus: “OH YEAH THAT WAS HILARIOUS”

Cap: “I remember the headache. But I have right to be upset! It’s been a year and I’m starting to feel unappreciated, I saved so many lives and I popped the time bubble, is it so wrong for wanting people to save my name right!”

Solomon: “Lillian, I kno-“

Mercury: “just walk away-

Achilles: “I SAY-

Zeus: “I know a thing or two about getting-

Atlas: “LETS remember Lilly is a child and has a right to her own feelings-

Hercules:”CRUSH THEIR BONES”

Gods: “ overlapping argument”

Cap: “urgh guys please”

Gods: arguing continues and gets louder

Cap: (head pounding)

???: “excuse me Miss

Gods: “!?#**?!!”

Cap: (Rubbing head)

???: “miss? I’m fr-m j—ti-e le—ue”

Gods: “!/!#~\**?!!”

Cap: “please you’re being to loud”

???: “lo-d? Mi-s Miss M-ss”

Cap: “please”

???: “Mis -iss, MISS CAPTAIN MARVEL”

You could hear the snap

Cap: That’s. Not. My. NAME!! ( turns around and throws her ice cream with Mercury speed)

It’s was when the ice cream was only few inches from hitting the person face, when she realized that the man she see saw in front of her was a new face that she learned of when the time bubble popped.

Superman, a founding leader of the justice league, who didn’t have a fast enough reaction time to match Mercury speed to avoid the ice cream.

Cap: !

Gods: !

Hercules: “that guy’s important right?”

Solomon: “yes”

Cap: “oh no”

Solomon: “indeed”

[noneofyoubeewax]

Lady Marvel, No Captain  Marvel

Genderbent Captain  Marvel

Billy Batson -> Lilly Batson

Still a homeless baby

Lilly first debut as a hero. After defeating Doctor Sivana

Male Civilian: “Thank you so much Miss?”

Cap: “o-oh Captain Marvel!”

(M) Civilian: “thank you so much, Miss Captain  Marvel”

Cap: “you can just call me Captain”

(M) Civilian: “Miss Captain”

Cap: “Just Captain”

Lilly was a bit annoyed but she thought it would be a one time thing (it would not be)

———————————————————————

Reporter: “ Lady Marvel! Lady Marvel! Lady Marvel!” (Waving hands frantically)

Cap: (confuse, looking around) “me?”

Reporter: “um yes”

Cap: (flys down to the reporter) “hello I’m Captain Marvel, how can I help you?

Reporter: (holds mic up) “Lady Captain Marvel can yo-”

Cap: “No…..Captain Marvel”

Reporter: “ok, um so this miss, (faces the camera) “today we have our new local hero, Miss Captain Marvel”

Cap: “um-if-I-excuse me, it’s Captain Marvel you can drop the Miss, please”

.

.

.

Reporter: “o-ok”

~~~~~~*A~w~k~w~a~r~d*~~~~~~

———————————————————————

Cap chilling on a roof, licking a ice cream feeling upset since everyone keeps on calling her wrong even after a whole year from her debut and her popping the time bubble.

Cap: “stupid stupid stupid stupid”

Solomon: “calm down Champion”

Achilles: “the next time someone says the wrong name punch them”

Solomon: “n-

Hercules: “ throw a building at them”

Solomon: “NO!”

Zeus: “YES, and tell them that you’re going to sleep with their father or male Parent figure and give a worthy respectable Child”

Cap: ”umm”

Atlas: “let’s ignore Zeus”

Mercury: “just don’t save them if they get your name wrong”

Solomon: “No! It’s not the champion job to get annoyed when people get your name wrong”

Achilles: “you got mad at that kid at the history museum Lilly went to (because it was free entry day) when a kid called you, “Solo-mom”

Solomon: “she completely butchered my name”

Zeus: “OH YEAH THAT WAS HILARIOUS”

Cap: “I remember the headache. But I have a right to be upset! It’s been a year and I’m starting to feel unappreciated, I saved so many lives and I popped the time bubble, is it so wrong for wanting people to save my name right!”

Solomon: “Lillian, I kno-“

Mercury: “just walk away-

Achilles: “I SAY-

Zeus: “I know a thing or two about getting-

Atlas: “LETS remember Lilly is a child and has a right to her own feelings-

Hercules:”CRUSH THEIR BONES”

Gods: “ overlapping argument”

Cap: “urgh guys please”

Gods: arguing continues and gets louder

Cap: (head pounding)

???: “excuse me Miss

Gods: “!?#**?!!”

Cap: (Rubbing head)

???: “miss? I’m fr-m j—ti-e le—ue”

Gods: “!/!#~\**?!!”

Cap: “please you’re being to loud”

???: “lo-d? Mi-s Miss M-ss”

Cap: “please”

???: “Mis -iss, MISS CAPTAIN MARVEL”

You could hear the snap

Cap: That’s. Not. My. NAME!! ( turns around and throws her ice cream with Mercury speed)

It’s was when the ice cream was only few inches from hitting the person face, when she realized that the man she see saw in front of her was a new face that she learned of when the time bubble popped.

Superman, a founding leader of the justice league, who didn’t have a fast enough reaction time to match Mercury speed to avoid the ice cream.

Cap: !

Gods: !

Hercules: “that guy’s important right?”

Solomon: “yes”

Cap: “oh no”

Solomon: “indeed”

[noneofyoubeewax]

Mom’s dinner

Inspired by this post

The shazam family is about to have have dinner when Rosa notice that Billy isn’t home and asks Mary to go to the Rock of Eternity. Rosa knows that Billy has his duty as the Champion of Magic, she has learned to pick her battles but Rosa is a woman who likes to have dinner as a family

When Mary returns with no Billy, claiming that he’s at a Justice League meeting. Rosa knows that patience is a skill that she has gotten as a foster parent so she waits and waits and waits.

Darla: “Mama, I’m hungry”

Rosa: “I know baby, but I would like to wait till Billy is here before we eat”

Eugene: “yeah but JL meetings go on forever, and unless Billy was a good reason to leave the Bat won’t let him”

Victor: “how about I set aside a plate for him”

Rosa: “ Mary, Freddy are you sure you two don’t have a way to bring Billy back”

Mary: “maybe”

Freddy: “not really”

Both didn’t want to get drag into a meeting or Batman and robin trying to squeeze out some information.

Pedro: “why not ask the wizard to bring him back” (being serious )

Rosa: “yeah let go ask…(not thinking it’s serious) wait actually”

Rosa: “I’ll be back soon”

-

-

-

Rock of Eternity

Rosa: “ excuse me, Mr. wizard are you there?”

Yes

How may I assist you

Rosa: “would you be able to return Billy home”

Ah, dinner time already. As much as I would love to summon Billy to return home to you it would cause some confusion among his fellow heroes if he would to disappear.

Rosa: “you’re right, I’m sorry fo-

But you can get him

Rosa: “what”

I have been around for a long time and there is nothing more powerful than a mother’s authority.

Rosa: “but what about secret identities”

….. say my name

-

-

-

Justice league meeting

Marvel: (“please stop talking, I want dinner ”)

Batman: “marvel, pay attention!”

Marvel: “yes sir!”

Green lantern: “come on spooky you been going on forever”

Batman: “I wouldn’t have to if you did your job right”

Superman: “let’s calm down be-“

Martian Manhunter: (telepathically link, outside in space) “ friends, a person approaches, a woman”

Wonder Woman: “is she a threat”

MM: “ I am uncertain”

Batman: “ what does she look like? “

MM: “7’2 feet, dark brown hair, all white with- wait, Captain Marvel. The outfit she wears a similar to yours”

Marvel: “what”

MM: “ I’m going to engage with her”

Superman: “be careful”

……

…..

MM: “it seems she is unable to communicate, she humming like a whale and I have no idea what she saying”

Batman: “bring her by the window”

……

……

……

GL: “Damn”

There floats a tall woman with her hair floating around dress in all white who gives a smile and a wave

GL: “Damn Cap, who this goddess. Don’t tell me this is your girlfr-“

Marvel: “MOM!?”

JL: “Mom!!?”

The reason Rosa was unable to talk was because the wizard didn’t want anything to happen if Rosa got capture (the only word she can say is Shazam). I can imagine Rosa Towers over her children, but not in the Scary way, in the motherly love way.

I can see Rosa’s hair floating all the time and covers her left eye slightly.

[noneofyoubeewax]

reblog if you're gay, not gay, slightly gay, or if you just want to launch donald trump into a dying star

[noneofyoubeewax]

Dumb Ways to Die

There when been many incidents where “Marvel” has die, some are down right awful and the rest are hilarious.

Magician (1): “ please be careful, for these plants are quite dea-

Marvel: * not paying attention * “ oh a flowe- *get swallowed whole*

Plant: *munch munch munch munch* “Ptth”

Out comes a fully Skeleton of Captain Marvel that is still intact and being held together by nothing. 

Magician (1): * horrified, cause they just witnessed the champion of magic just die* “C-C-Champion ”

The skeleton slowly starts to form all it’s nerves,muscle, skin, and organs.

Marvel: “ woah, that was a close one. What did I miss?” * noticing how the magician looks horrified and disgusted*

Magician (1): * completely disgusted by seeing his body form back together* “ throwing up noise”

__________________________________________

{ During a fight }

Doctor Sivana: *shoot a bunch of lasers  at Marvel*

Marvel: *reflecting the lasers  with a metal trash can lid*

The fight goes on for a bit with Marvel shooting back doctor Sivana lasers. Till Marvel gets his hands on another metal lid.

Marvel: * using both metal lids to charge up one of the laser system back at Sivana* “ oh yeah get ready for this Doc-“ * shoots himself in the face”

Marvel body falls like a piece of paper

Sivana: *flabbergasted*

Random citizens: *shocked*

Sivana: “ it was t- does that mean I win, what just happened”

Marvel: * Face rebuilt, shooting up back into the sky, while breathing in very deeply * “ Aaaaa and I’m back!”

Sivana: “ what the fu-“

———————————————————————

Justice league mission

Superman: “everyone be careful, these shadow monsters can be anywhere”

Marvel: *faintly feels something brush up behind him*

It was his own hair

Marvel: * freaks out and ends up shooting lightning, which bounces off a mirror that was behind him, shooting him right in the chest *

Green lantern (Hal): “OH SHI-

Marvel: * gasping for air, when rising back up to his feet* “it’s ok I’m fine”

GL: WHAT THE FU-

[noneofyoubeewax]

Billy is afraid of……Bruce……Wayne?

Billy is able to see peoples aura, aura always change yet stay the same based on a persons mood, actions, mentality, and who they are as a person. 

As Caption Marvel, Billy has met a lot of interesting people with interesting yet fitting auras. Batman’s aura is a dark and heavy storm  full of faces crying.

When Billy heads to Gotham for WHIZ Radio where he attends a Gala with Morris as his chaperoned, Billy doesn’t really like the gala since all the rich peoples auras show them fake snakes looking down on him and his rented suit, so Billy sneaks away, where he meets Bruce Wayne.

Bruce: hello little one are you lost? 

Billy:No I’m fin—

Billy see Bruce’s aura is dark and gloomy that keeps on spiking back-and-forth. which freaks out Billy because this isn’t the bumbling floozy that he heard all about and it scares billy; now thinking that Bruce is a real dangerous man.

Billy: I-I-I..sooorrryyy * shaking like a leaf in a hurricane *

Bruce: !? Oh no no calm down, you’re fine * trying to keep his composure while trying to not draw attention*

This cause Bruce’s aura to change more, scaring Billy, even more to the point of tears

Billy: *now actively crying*

Bruce: *panicked*

Now a bunch of attention is on them, And paparazzi right now taking pictures 

Billy ran away, Bruce was confused and felt bad for scaring the kid



[noneofyoubeewax]

Mourning Who?

As you know the whole JL believes that Mary and Junior are Marvel’s kids, but they never heard about a wife or a mom. During a mission it is revealed that Marvel and past champions have this coping mechanism that blocks out anything too traumatic that happened,

Mary and Junior take a vantage of it.

Justice league headquarters

Marvel: *trying to quickly finish up a mission report*

Mary: “hey Cap I was wondering what you think of this painting I made?”

Marvel: * Quick glances back and forth at the mission report and the drawing* “um yeah it’s , wait wrong form”

Superman: *sensing Mary’s “sadness”* “oh I think it’s a lovely painting of a woman”

Marvel: * not looking* yeah it’s pretty

Mary: * faking sadness * oh thanks…………….. *walking away* “ why don’t you remember mom”

Superman: !!

——————————————————-

Teen Titans

Superbody (Kon): “So is Lex my mom or Clark”

Red Robin: “all I asked if you wanted bacon”.

Junior: “ it’s better to never have a mom than spend the rest of your life wondering what she was like and if she really did love me!

Conner: …

Tim: ….

Rest of the teen titans: ……

—————————————————-

After defeating a bunch of robots

Marvel: “well done Mary” *giving her a pat on the head* “ you look just lik-” (“ oh shoot secret identities”)

Mary: who? * pretending to look excited *

Marvel: “ o-oh I don’t remember” *walks away*

Mary: “ oh ok”

Flash: “ you good Mary”

Mary: * fake crying* “y-yeah”

Flash: “ oh no no no don’t cry”

Mary: * covering her face with her hands to hide her smile”

Flash: !!

[noneofyoubeewax]

Cat marvel

Justice league space station

Marvel: *zoned out*

Flash: * going to sit down next to marvel and puts his mug down to pull out a chair*

Marvel:*not turning his head, swatting  the mug off the table*

Flash: “Dude!”

Marvel: “w-what” ( notice the broken glass), “not again I’m so sorry Flash”

—————————————————————-

Batman: (upgrading his gadgets, throw a box to the side)

Batman: “Done, where that’s……box”

Marvel: (some how sitting in the box with his knees to his chest) “hi”

Batman: (◣_◢) “out”

Marvel: (◕︵◕) “yes Mr.Batman”

——————————————————————-

Fawcett

(Clark flying around looking for Captain Marvel, and he spots Freddy carrying pillows).

Superman: “Ah! Junior, do you know where your dad is?”

Junior: “dad? Oh, yeah I know where Marvel, i’m heading over where he is right now, come on”

Superman: “umm, what is this”

(Top of a building, Mary and Marvel passed out on blankets and pillows bathing in the sunlight)

Junior: “break time” ( arranging his pillows before plopping down on them)

Superman: “oh, can I talk to Marvel”

Junior: “ oh, yeah”

Superman: “ great can you wak-“

Junior: “ in 45 minutes”

Superman: “but um I”

Junior: “in 45 minutes………… join us?”

Superman: “…..sure” (plops himself down, mummy style)

—————————————————————

Power out in the watch tower

Green lantern (Hal) : (walking through the tower, using his ring as a flashlight)

(scurrying sound)

Green lantern: (Panic, quickly, you think it’s ring the shine light right here the noise)

*Nothing*

Green lantern: “Hello?”

(Creaking noise )

Green lantern: (spins around quickly, shining his light) “wh- who’s there!”

Marvel: (in a big foot pose, eyes acting like cat eyes in the middle of the night with light shining over them)

Green lantern: “ Jesus Christ dude”

[noneofyoubeewax]

 inspired by this post 

Deadly concerning 

I seen a few post about Billy and Danny either getting tricked into marrying each other or just marrying each other for the convenience, so I’m making my own.

Billy 12. Danny 14. They’re not in a love relationship they get along like friends 

(During some magical ghost crisis)

Green Arrow: Are we sure we can’t just call Cap

Black Canary: No, I told you this already, Marvel had family troubles and that he would be off online

John Constantine: besides, you have me the worl-

Zatanna: and me

John: yeah yeah and her helping you take care of this ghost, all we have to do is-

(After trying out his plan and processed to get their butts kicked)

Green arrow: that fail horribly

John: shut it

Batman: we need a new plan before that thing destroys anymore of the city

Superman: is there anything else we can do

Zatanna: we try summoning a greater ghost to deal with this ghost

Green arrow: and who do we call to deal with the new ghost

Zatanna: no no we just need to summon a ghost who has to leave after it completes its task.

John: true there are ghost like that but usually very weak, doubt they could take out are problem.

Zatanna: there is one we try

John: which one are—OH HELL NO, you trying to get this all killed

Batman: what are you both talking about

John: she wants to summon the The Ghost King Consort 

Black canary: and that’s bad way?

Zatanna: The Ghost King is already a bloody tyrant and you can imagine how worst his partner can be. But the Constant can beat this ghost and would have to return back to the ghost realm.

John: yeah but that doesn’t stop them from going to the king and getting us in trouble.

Zatanna: what other choice do we have

Everyone:…

Batman: do it

(The summoning)

John: stand back everyone , there’s no telling what this thing can do

Billy: *poof* …..

John:……

Everyone: ……

Superman: tha that’s a child

Billy: um hello (“nonono did they figure out my identity”)

John: this can’t be real

Superman: OH MY GOD THAT IS A CHILD

Batman: (crouching down to Billy) hello little one, are you ok?

Billy: um ….yes!…… why am I here? 

Batman: Do you know who the ghost king is

Billy: (thinking about Danny, not the previous ghost king) yes he’s my husband (“that so weird saying”)

Superman:that’s a child

Batman: (presses his lips together into a frowning face) we called you here to help us take care of a ghost that is destroying everything, can you help.

Billy: (smile so bright that there is a ting of pain that goes through everyone’s heart) of course, it would be my honor. Tawny here can help (raises a Stuffed beat up Tiger)

Superman: Oh god the tiger has a name.

( after defeating the ghost and sending it back)

Billy: (prepare to step in the summoning circle to go back home)

Black canary: wait ummm

Billy: billy

Black canary: has the ghost king made you anything you don’t want to do

Billy: what

Green arrow: how old are you

Billy: um 12, look I have to go before someone comes looking for me

Batman: here take this (holds out a card), call if you ever need help.

Billy: ok (takes the card) bye

( billy vanishes right before their eyes as he steps into the circle)

Superman: oh my god that was a child.

[noneofyoubeewax]

Today’s post was inspired by This post

Captain Marvel is in need of a therapist ( same with Billy)

Billy Batson ( Captain Marvel) suicide attempt.

( JL hallway)

GL: * Pulling aside Marvel to tell him about a gossip secret *  you have to swear on your life you ain’t gonna tell anyone. Ok so her-

Marvel: Um yeah no, sorry I can’t swear on my life.

GL: Aw what, I thought you were cool with stuff like this.

Marvel: Oh no! I promise I won’t tell anyone , but I just can’t swear my life.

GL: What, dude you’re not making sense.

Marvel: It’s well um……. I can’t swear on my life since I have tried to kill myself before so I can’t technically swear on my life! (The last few parts come out rushed).

GL:(doesn’t really know what to say)…….

Marvel: So yeah…….can you um tell me the secret.

(JL MEETING)

Batman: The victim was found in his bathroom tube after committing suicide (going over a case)

Marvel: Nah, this guy was murder.

Batman: how so?

Marvel: His suicide letter doesn’t match up with his suicide.

Batman:(squinting) Explain.

Marvel: In his letter he explains how he hates the world and how cruel  it was to him and how he just wants to leave it in peaceful yet he cut his wrists. If he wanted to leave peacefully, he would have taken down a bottle of pills .

Batman: Hrm ( not bad thinking )

Marvel: I mean, that’s what I did when I tried to commit suicide.

Batman:…….

The rest of the JL members:………

Marvel:………..Did I say something wrong?

(JL cafeteria)

Aquaman : I was stuck in med-bay for a week trying to recover. It was awful.

Flash:  it couldn’t have been that bad, the last time I got a bad injury, I was stuck in there for like 3 weeks. 

Aquaman: Hey Cap, what was the longest time you were in med-bay for?

Marvel:OH! I never gotten hurt on the job.

Flash: go figure, of course the big red che-

Marvel: But I did spend eight months in the hospital after my suicide attempt 

Aquaman:………

Flash:……..

Every body in a hearing proximity:………

And the worst; HE SAYS IT SO NONCHALANT

[noneofyoubeewax]

In Billy we trust✨✨

Growing up in the streets had made Billy be wary of strangers and then getting the powers of Shazam made Billy have a very judge of character.

*JL meeting, watching a interrogation video*

Batman: This is our suspect, he was last seen exiting the room with missing files and wa-

Marvel: *Barely glancing up from his screen* It wasn’t him.

Batman: I barely explained the case

Marvel: *Shrugging his shoulders * Yeah, but it wasn’t him

Batman: *Annoyed*

Marvel: *Unbothered *

Superman:* Sensing Batman’s annoyance* ok um…Cap let’s Batman talk about the case before w-

Marvel: But I just said he didn’t do it! * voice a bit louder than he wanted it to be *

Batman: Captain Marvel! ……Unless you already know about the case which I highly doubt please hold your comments.

Marvel:…

JL members:….

Batman:* proceeds to go over the case*

Same time later

Turns out Captain Marvel was right about the man being innocent much to Batman’s annoyance.



[noneofyoubeewax]

Marvel has a staring problem

Flash: * eating in the cafeteria minding his own business*

Marvel: *staring from across the room* (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O)

Flash: *starts chewing his food slowly while glancing back at Marvel*

Marvel: *still staring* (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O)

Flash: *feels as if the temperature is rising while tugging at his suit and no longer focusing on his food*

Marvel: *No longer blinking* (O)_(O) (O)_(O) (O)_(O) (O)_(O) (O)_(O)

Flash: *heavy, rapid  breathing. Now fully looking at marvel*

Marvel *only to be met with cold, empty eyes* (O)_(O)

Flash: *is at his breaking point* DUDE WHAT DO YOU WANT.

Marvel: *billy, who was deep Conversation with the gods* Huh?

[noneofyoubeewax]

After some huge disaster with some monsters/demons/ aliens. Superman talking with some reporter.

Superman: we highly encourage peo- (looks a little to his left) DROP IT MARVEL

* camera pans to Caption Marvel holding a dead creature by foot*

Marvel: BUT COME ON I-

Superman: I DON’T CARE IF ITS NOT HUMAN PUT IT DOWN THIS SEC, WE BEEN OVER THIS.

Marvel: *grumbles to himself, but let’s go of the creature*. So stupid and dumb

Superman: Now where were we * pleasantly, smiling, as if nothing happened*

Reporter and cameraman: * Side eyeing each other*

Marvel Eating Random Things

I love allllllllll the Billy eating random things as Marvel posts/headcanons. I don’t know why. I just love it. I love unhinged Marvel soooo much. But what if we took it one step further and had Marvel eat anything, including living creatures. Also, I’m gonna connect this to the Marvel being a Good Cook post. In that post, he’s just a good cook basically.

Flash: *passed out on the floor of the kitchen in a hypoglycemic coma*

Marvel: *walks into the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks* “Wally?” *walks over and prods him with his shoe* “Are you dead?” *kneels down to sniff him* “Can I eat you?”

Flash: *groans*

Marvel: *stands up* “Oh, thank the gods.” *picks Wally up to take him to the medbay* “Come on, bud. Let’s see if we can fix you up.”

A little bit later…

Flash: *on a medical cot and wakes up*

Marvel: *nearby, doing a crossword puzzle*

Flash: *sees Marvel* “Cap?”

Marvel: “Yes?” *fills in one of the words on the puzzle*

Flash: “Did you… Did you ask if you could eat me?”

Marvel: “Nope.”

Flash: “Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s just I swear I heard you say something like that.” *sits up, stomach rumbling*

Marvel: “You were pretty knocked out, man. I don’t remember saying that.” *puts crossword down* “Why don’t we get something to eat? Like chili dogs or burgers or something?”

Flash: “Sounds great.” *gets off the cot so they can head to the zetas*

He gaslit, gatekeeped, and girlbossed. He’s also done this to multiple leaguers by the way. One of them was Batman who now has a recording of Billy asking if he could eat him. Bruce listened to it a solid ten times because in this AU, he knows next to nothing about Marvel, and now, because of this recording, he’s wondering if Marvel is, or was even human.

Then, there was the time him and Wonder Woman went together to wrangle some demons back into Tartarus. Unfortunately, one of the demons died during the process and didn’t make it back into the gates. So, now Diana and Billy were stuck with a demon corpse.

Diana: *looking at the corpse* “What should we do with it?”

Marvel: *also looking at the corpse* “Hmm… I have an idea.”

Diana: “Oh? Could you sha-” *now sees Marvel in his little lightning bolt apron and chef hat* “Why’re you dressed like that?”

Marvel: “I like to get into it.” *starts pulling salt, pepper, paprika, Goya Adobo, basically a bunch of seasonings out of his pocket dimension*

Diana: “Cap…? Cap. You can’t seriously be suggesting we eat the demon?”

Marvel: “I’m not suggesting anything. I’m just politely telling you that it’s one, delicious, and two also delicious.” *conjures up a giant, demon-sized, floating frying pan from nowhere with a fire underneath it*

Diana: *watches as Marvel picks the demon up, puts it in the pan, and starts seasoning*

She does end up eating some of the demon later with Marvel. Though she swore she would “never do it again.” But, when she heard Marvel tell her of a demon that tastes like hard candy when you mix its body with a certain magical herb, she wouldn’t admit it, but she had second thoughts. Those second thoughts amped up when he told her they were really good to eat with ice cream.

Then, there was the time with Aquaman. He came over to Atlantis because he wanted to see Aquaman’s sea creatures. His school had a field trip to the aquarium and he not only did he not have an adult to sign the permission slip, he also didn’t have enough money to pay the fare. Thankfully, Billy’s Marvel form didn’t need to breathe so he could go underwater just fine. Meanwhile, Arthur was just happy to yap about the sea creatures to and listen intently and ask questions and all that. Unfortunately, some mermaids swam up and decided to ruin their fun. Now, you see, they were sort of fighting them in an underwater cave and all the fighting caused a piece of rubble to come loose and fall on one of the mermaids, killing her. This caused the rest of them to run.

Aquaman: “Alright, back to the tour.” *sees Marvel casually sawing off the mermaid’s tail* “What’re you doing, man?”

Marvel: “I’m gonna eat this later.” *holds the mermaid tail up, shaking it a little*

Aquaman: “Oh. Cool. Can I have some?”

Marvel: “Sure, I can make it when our tours done.” *puts the mermaid tail in his pocket dimension*

Aquaman: “Nice, I’ll bring some Atlantean mead.”

Later…

Marvel and Aquaman: *both munching on mermaid tail*

Aquaman: “This really good!” *grabs some mead to drink down his mouthful of fish*

Marvel: “Thanks.” *munches on fish* “You know, I was surprised you wanted to eat this.”

Aquaman: “Why?”

Marvel: “You can talk to fish right? So, if you were to go to an aquarium, wouldn’t you hear some fish screaming to be let out or something?”

Aquaman: “Geez, I haven’t been to an aquarium since I was a kid.” *sounding nostalgic* “But nah, they normally just chill.”

Marvel: “I haven’t been to one ever. And really? Huh.” *munches on fish more* “But I guess what I’m really asking is if you’re sensitive about eating fish or not.”

Aquaman: “Nah, not really. In this great big sea, what did you think the main source of protein was? Plus, this is mermaid, it’s only technically fish.”

Marvel: *shrugs* “So is that a no? You don’t care about eating fish?”

Aquaman: *nods head as he drinks more mead* “It’s a no.”

Marvel: “Sweet! Cause I have a bunch of fish recipes I wanna try out.”

About an hour after this, Marvel had to help Aquaman home since the Atlantean challenged him to a drinking contest, not knowing the Captain couldn’t get drunk. Mera had a brow raised at Billy judgmentally the entire time he explained why he came home with her husband black out drunk.

[noneofyoubeewax]

I fucking love this man

The only thing you need to know about Tim becoming Robin is that he's the protagonist of a horse girl movie and Batman is the horse.

[noneofyoubeewax]

😂😂😂

I couldn’t stop laughing and I was the car so family just looking

Thinking about Billy Batson again and about how unconventional he is in his approach to dealing with villains and their scheming and battling them in such a creative but ultimately childlike way that it psychologically befuddles his enemies.

Imagine Mister Mind using a phone to relay his monologue message via calling through it and saying something like-

"Hello Captain, I've been working on another, but better and newer scheme! This time, with my brilliant mind I've devised to kidnap half the citizen's in Fawcett city! And strap them to a beam that can vaporize the OTHER half of the citizens! A trolley problem of sorts! So meet me in the middle of the city and we can—"

"kshhk-- chhkkkk-- ch ch-- sorry, what? Kshhk-- kh kh-- you're breaking- cccchhhkk--"

"What— what are you doing?! The phone lines aren't even damaged!"

"sorry what?? Can't— kkkhhhh-- hear— shhhk shhk-- you!"

"Why, you INSOLENT LITTLE—"

Meanwhile Marvel has already found and rescued the citizens held hostage with the use of his speed, while Mister Mind was just getting distracted by a childish prank, and then Marvel broke the beam thingy and flew to find Mister Mind in the center of the city and put him in a jar again, Mister Mind didn't account for the phone being taken ahold of and carried around as he was monologuing, winning Marvel time to get info and also distract him.

Also also! He could do something similar like use things that aren't typically expected of a "Demi god with ultimate magic powers who looks like he lives in a gym"—

Picture this, Dr. Sivanna in his lab and he is ambushed by The Captain and uses every single thing at his disposal, grabbing ahold of a prototype acid or something he invented and holding the vial and then Marvel grabs it too and now they're wrestling each other but it's so stupid because Marvel literally is powerful enough to rip it out of his hands but instead he does the petty "Gimme! No! Mine! No, Mine!" Thing and then when Sivanna is distracted enough with this pettiness Marvel let's go and Sivanna is defeated by sheer gravity alone because he fell over and spilled the stuff on himself, thus ending up defeated by such silly trickery!

Imagine Marvel doing stuff like this around the League while they're fighting a super race invasion of aliens or something like that and Marvel just outdoes everyone by screaming "PILLOW FIGHT!" and whipping out a pillow out of nowhere and hitting the aliens and they're surprised and are all like "Oh it's nothing lol it's just a soft pillow, how could that harm m—" and it turns out there's magic rocks in the pillow and marvel is just socking it in their faces and laughing like it's a fun sleepover and the other aliens don't understand what the fuck is happening because That's A Pillow, but then they get absolutely destroyed and it's so funny, because Batman is minding his business taking out enemies and then he looks over and his teammate The Captain is piling bodies like a mountain with the use of one pillow and nothing else and there's feathers everywhere and his laughter is just ringing in everyone's ears and the aliens are running screaming stuff like "BROTHERS, RUUUUNNN" and then Marvel just bashes in their heads and he's covered in a little bit of blood and he's laughing and his smile is genuinely cheerful because he never had a sleepover and this is him taking a chance, but to the outside world it looks like he's experiencing bloodlust, but he never killed anyone of them, Batman just stares because the aliens are all running away and he's just so so tired and confused, while Marvel is covered in feathers and his unconscious enemies blood—

Anyway I just think it would be really, REALLY funny to see him do stuff like this

[noneofyoubeewax]

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