orphicorenda - Tumblr blog

[orphicorenda]

My worst enemy

A shard of glass to the heart

Fickle memories that fall apart

Left alone to my own devices

Is when I always turn to my vices

Numbing the pain, to avoid the truth

Is how I taught myself to view life from a dissociative point of view.

Always there, yet never present

Because scaring people has always been my easiest investment.

Never on purpose until I notice them leaving, that’s when I turn to inwardly retreating.

Left in my head playing hopscotch with my demons, that’s where I choose to make my bed for the evening.

In the morning I’ll fight my demons again; hoping for a beautiful, yet tragic end.

Searching for something I’ve never been able to recognize, this led to me constantly contemplating suicide.

Lost in a maze filled of depth I can not humanize, just what kind of light I may have left behind.

Yet, even in my darkest times, you’re soft touch, and kind eyes forced my demons to subside.

You say you’re here to stay, and I believe you.

Yet, the demons of my past refuse to believe in angels.

[orphicorenda]

Chiron persona chart obs

WARNING: BRIEF MENTIONS OF ED, S*ICIDE, S*XUAL AB*SE. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT TO READ THIS POST IF YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE thank you

Stelliums show us where our main trauma or wound lies:

Stellium in Aries/1st house - body image issues/body dysmorphia, hating ones face and wanting to change it at all cost, being so focused on ones trauma that it results in excessive independence

Stellium in Taurus/2nd house - self worth issues, hating ones voice and/or being made fun of for how ones voice sounds, excessive shopping due to fear of having nothing, having stash of cash hidden everywhere in the house due to being scared of getting robbed

Stellium in Gemini/3rd house - being too scared to speak to others, hating the way you express yourself, being an overachiever at school due to fear of being seen as "stupid", fear of being run over by a bicycle or a car

Stellium in Cancer/4rd house - family problems (divorced parents, one of the parents is out of the picture for whatever reason, family members dealing with addictions, family abuse), issues when it comes to comforting yourself in times of crisis, HEAVY abandonment issues

Stellium in Leo/5th house - had to grow up too fast instead of enjoying childhood, fear of not being "the perfect parent", fear of not making it in the industry (for those pursing creative careers or following their passions), issues regarding getting pregnant and delivering a child, fear of being burned by the sun or by fire

Stellium in Virog/6th house - fear of contacting an incurable disease, issues regarding eating disorders, trauma regarding messy spaces, which results in OCD

Stellium in Libra/7th house - issues caused by getting cheated in a relationship, fear of trusting someone in a one-on-one connection, trauma resulted from business affairs which have gone wrong

Stellium in Scoprio/8th house - fear of death, issues caused by sexual trauma/sexual abuse, grooming, stalking, human trafficking, mysterious disappearances, divorce, taxes, loans

Stellium in Sagittarius/9th house - fear of not being able to experience everything one has always wanted, issues caused by not living to ones full potential, fear of travelling too far away, religious trauma

Stellium in Capricorn/10th house - fear of being forgotten and not standing out, issues regarding not looking & acting in a professional manner when needed, fear of not being promoted in ones career, the trauma is very visible to the public

Stellium in Aquarius/11th house - fear of not fitting in a crowd or a friend group, issues regarding being part of LGBTQ+ or a subculture often dismissed (POC, people with disabilities, orphanage kids, emos), trauma related to the country's government and (possible) implications in war, fear of dying in a natural disaster (earthquake, tsunami, volcano), fear of dying by electrocution or in an airplane crash

Stellium in Pisces/12th house - fear of being admitted to a prison, asylum or nursing home, having frequent thoughts of unaliving onself, fear of drowning, fear of what happens after death, fear of being misunderstood or made fun of for hearing voices and seeing things which aren't real

Moon shows us how we process our trauma and wounds:

Moon in Aries/1st house : screams, throws things around (maybe also breaks a few things), if anyone reminds them of their wounds/traumas, they'd literally break that person's neck; they might recklessly drive, play with fire or drink excessively out of anger

Moon in Taurus/2nd house : resorts to retail therapy, cooks their favourite meals, gets some comfy pillow and blankets and watches their favourite show; they're slow to heal their wounds, but they manage to do so

Moon in Gemini/3rd house : overanalyzes what happened to the point that they've thought of every scenario possible, (if they have more than one wound/trauma) switches between wounds, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with siblings and acquaintances

Moon in Cancer/4th house : cries 24/7, acts distant with people who are not close to them and defensive with those who want to talk about their feelings; they tend to have very, very unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka they resort to self-harm)

Moon in Leo/5th house : transforms their pain & wounds into a form of art - whether it's through dancing, painting, singing, acting, photography, videography; sometimes they might not recognize how much their past affects them, especially around others, they boast about how "it wasn't that bad" even though they're clearly affected by what happened

Moon in Virgo/6th house : focuses on the details, what they could have done better and what they didn't, easily becomes anxious, cleaning the house becomes a form of therapy for them; in case of physical wounds, they document themselves very well (sometimes they are even able to heal themselves, since this Moon sign in Chiron persona chart has a sort of 6th sense about medicinal procedures)

Moon in Libra/7th house : their s/o knows every pain, wound and traumas they've ever experienced, analyzes the past in a logical manner and tries to find a healthy coping mechanism, without hurting anyone else in the process; listens to sad, romantic songs

Moon in Scorpio/8th house : if someone else is guilty for their wounds/traumas, they're going to plot revenge and execute their plan in a discreet manner; often jealous, they might pursue fwb connections to stop thinking about their pain; the ones who manage to deal with their past in a healthy manner become a completely different person in the process

Moon in Sagittarius/9th house : dealing with their wounds/traumas opens a new world for them, they end up adopting a new set of beliefs as a coping mechanism, travelling to another country to get some space from their surroundings helps them heal

Moon in Capricorn/10th house : replays the past over and over again, they numb their emotions, if asked about their wounds/traumas, they answer very stoic; they also tend to be more realistic and don't like to tell themselves lies or hear lies about their trauma

Moon in Aquarius/11th house : resorts to technology to cope with the pain, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with their friends or on social media, but not with family; they might try some unusual coping mechanisms

Moon in Pisces/12th house : they isolate themselves from everyone in order to cope with the pain, meditation and breathing techniques are their to-go methods of calming their anxiety down; if they don't manage to cope in a healthy way, they dissociate and go through a depersonalization process or an addiction takes over them (drinking, smoking, they overuse medication etc.)

Jupiter shows us where we're blessed, but fail to see. The stronger the modality, the more obvious it is to other people.

♃ Jupiter in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) and/or fixed houses (2nd house, 5th house, 8th house, 11th house) are extremely blessed and everyone is able to notice, but the native.

♃ Jupiter in cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) and/or cardinal houses (1st house, 4th house, 7th house, 11th house) are blessed, but only a specific category of people notice it.

♃ Jupiter in mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) and/or mutable houses (3rd house, 6th house, 9th house, 12th house) are still blessed, but the effect is hardly noticeable to anyone.

Those with:

Grand Trine/Kite/Yod (Finger of God)

Sun, Jupiter, North Node and ruler of the chart conjuncting MC and/or placed in 10th/11th house (minimum 2 placements)

Stellium in 10th house/11th house

-> have got amazing healing abilites and often end up pursuing careers where they help & heal society (usually as doctors, therapists, spiritual advisors, social workers, advocates who actually make a difference, etc.) They usually become famous for their healing gifts.

Other small considerations:

Ascendant shows us how we are perceived at first glance when we are dealing with pain

IC shows us how we are perceived by our family (or in a safe, secluded place) when we are dealing with pain

DSC shows us how we are perceived by our partner or best friend when we are dealing with pain

MC shows us how we are perceived in public (or in our career) when we are dealing with pain

North Node shows us our salvation (where we need to focus on in order to heal)

🕊 Sun trine Moon & Sun sextile Moon individuals have an easier time healing their traumas and wounds

🕊 Sun opposite Saturn & Sun square Saturn individuals feel the need to rebel from their father/grandparents, norms that have been imposed on them, old customs & traditions, institutions/government, in order to heal themselves

[orphicorenda]

After you’ve loved and lost, and you find 100000 reasons to blame yourself; right before you have chose you to save yourself.

That’s one of the most isolating feelings in the world.

[orphicorenda]

Untitled Cycles 🔄

Back into the winter you dwell, chasing your demons around in hell.

By the spring you find what’s left of the nest, and rejoice in the beauty of believing that nothing that can hurt you is left.

In summer you shine brightly without fear, until fall when the ghosts of your demons reappear.

[orphicorenda]

Life without wonder never feels worth living. Keep exploring, and chasing freedom. 📚🔮

[orphicorenda]

A hard truth ✔️✍️

Mid to late 20’s is really where it’s at, but by the time you realize, in most cases it’s already passed.

So many beautiful memories you’ll never forget; lost moments with ex friends that you’ll always regret.

Moving on is really the hardest part, because looking back you just want the opportunity to go back, and restart.

So if you read this before 25, don’t forget to invest in the things you’d never wanna leave behind.

Enjoy your youth, and the beauty you’ll always remember; take lots of pictures so you’ll have them forever and ever.

And, one day when you find yourself feeling low; you’ll always have memories of when youth and opportunity shined through your soul.

[orphicorenda]

Your emotional response has always been the key unlocking the cheat code to your spiritual evolution. How you feel is what matters. Don’t let the world convince you otherwise. A strong awareness of individuality beyond the physical self will never feed consumerism. They’d starve so you could finally feed. Choose you; that’s the entire point of a personal narrative.

[orphicorenda]

Live for the moments where you find yourself intuitively aware that even when you move on from this life, your soul will never be able to release the remembrance of ‘this feeling’. And aim for an acceptance of knowing that in the next life, there will always be questions and longing for what once was. This is what life has always been about.

Spiritual development- by surviving the obstacle course of our daily life, while finding each encounter to be a test of faith. Your only real choice is: Grow, or stay the same. 🌱🔑🔮

[orphicorenda]

Don’t let the hate in this world make you cold, be like the sun and shine brightly, and warmly; regardless of public opinion.

[orphicorenda]

I think most people would sacrifice everything for the ones they love. It’s the people that wouldn’t even consider sacrificing that have lost what it is to be human.

[orphicorenda]

Adaptability is the most underrated key player in the ability to live a long life- along side, a positive attitude, and self controlled emotional regulation; these combined are a setup for success.

[orphicorenda]

One of the scariest thoughts I’ve had was how much it would hurt to have to live without you. Having to mourn with the knowledge that the best is officially behind me. I never worry about you wanting to leave, only not being allowed to stay. Losing you is something my heart would never be prepared to do.

[orphicorenda]

Time is the most abused currency. Enjoy as many moments as you can.