raventhology-blog

[raventhology-blog]

Second Chance

I always hated the thought of second chances in relationships. I always believed that second chances or so, are not necessary when your relationship is real.

I mean, if you really love your other half, why would leave them? Why the hell would you leave and then come back? For me, it was irrational.

But, yeah, love really makes you stupid and makes you act irrational. You can’t explain how or why, but it does.

When she started asking me if we could give us another try, I was lost and kept on answering no. I don’t know what to feel back then, I was torn between my belief, that second chances are nonsense and my love for her.

Then, after a week or more of thinking about stuffs, I said to myself, “If there’s a slight chance that she might be the one, the one I’ll grow old with, and I did nothing, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Maybe we needed to fall apart to realize how much we needed to fall back together, how much we needed each other. Maybe we needed the second chance because we were not ready the first time. 

I always thought that if we’ll get back together again, it won’t be the same. It won’t feel the same. I thought all will be arguments and conflicts for the rest of our lives. But come to think of it, I love her so much that I’d rather argue with her than lose her forever.

It’s not impossible to have another shot at it. It may even lead to a better relationship. Of course, a relationship is not something that will work out with the effort of the other half, it’s a boat where both of you should paddle to move.

I learned that if you were given a second chance, take it. Make use of it. Don’t waste a bit. It’s better to waste time trying than to not try at all.

We were not given the second chance to make it right. We were given this chance to make it better.

Adiós!

— Raven, Second Chance

[raventhology-blog]

Choice

 When I was young, I thought love was nothing but a feeling. I thought it’s something that will surprise you one morning, you’ll wake up and ta-da! You’re in love. It falls in front of you, and you’re too curious to leave it, so you grab it with all your heart. Not knowing that love comes and goes as it pleases. Like people. Leaving you hanging everywhere.

 So, I learned that love is not a feeling—let me rephrase that—Love is a feeling at first. It’s the start of everything. Special attention, special treatment, the care, the company, the contentment, everything, everything is special. But honestly, like how I observed the oldies, love is only a feeling at first. And as you surf the waves, the feeling of love also fades.

 That’s where true love kicks in. Choice. The choice of having the same person until the end. The choice of wanting to be with the same person no matter how hard it is to be with them. The choice of having them as your partner through thick and thin. That is true love.

 Of course, the feeling should always be mutual. Like what I said before, a relationship is a boat where both should paddle to work. Your other half should choose you, too. You can’t choose them then beg for them to choose you. You can never beg someone to stay if their choice is to walk away.

 You get tired. You get sick and tired. But you always have a choice to stay. Of course it’s not easy. It will never be. When you choose each other, expect more problems, more challenges, but I tell you, as long as the both of you chooses to be together, everything will be worth fighting for.

 Don’t be upset if the one you love doesn’t choose you back. I know you’ll tell me that’s stupid. But I tell you, it’s more painful to try to stay, when they want you gone. Believe me.

 Love makes us do things that don’t make sense. I know. But know when you don’t deserve the pain anymore. When you’re going through hell, yet your love one doesn’t care. You always have the choice. Make the right one.

Adiós!

— Raven, Choice

[raventhology-blog]

Second Chance

I always hated the thought of second chances in relationships. I always believed that second chances or so, are not necessary when your relationship is real.

I mean, if you really love your other half, why would leave them? Why the hell would you leave and then come back? For me, it was irrational.

But, yeah, love really makes you stupid and makes you act irrational. You can’t explain how or why, but it does.

When she started asking me if we could give us another try, I was lost and kept on answering no. I don’t know what to feel back then, I was torn between my belief, that second chances are nonsense and my love for her.

Then, after a week or more of thinking about stuffs, I said to myself, “If there’s a slight chance that she might be the one, the one I’ll grow old with, and I did nothing, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

Maybe we needed to fall apart to realize how much we needed to fall back together, how much we needed each other. Maybe we needed the second chance because we were not ready the first time. 

I always thought that if we’ll get back together again, it won’t be the same. It won’t feel the same. I thought all will be arguments and conflicts for the rest of our lives. But come to think of it, I love her so much that I’d rather argue with her than lose her forever.

It’s not impossible to have another shot at it. It may even lead to a better relationship. Of course, a relationship is not something that will work out with the effort of the other half, it’s a boat where both of you should paddle to move.

I learned that if you were given a second chance, take it. Make use of it. Don’t waste a bit. It’s better to waste time trying than to not try at all.

We were not given the second chance to make it right. We were given this chance to make it better.

Adiós!

— Raven, Second Chance

[raventhology-blog]

"Nothing's as red as your love."

Whether it’s the blood from the wound and pain, or the kiss marks of your lips in my neck, nothing’s as red as your love.

Whether it’s the rose in the garden, full of thorns, or your nails beautifully painted with crimson, nothing’s as red as your love.

Whether it’s the flames violently roaming around the forest, or the color as the sun sets peacefully at the end of the ocean, nothing’s as red as your love.

[raventhology-blog]

Prayer

Walang araw o gabi na hindi ako nanalangin, 

Na sana nasa mabuting kalagayan ka.

Na sana masaya ka sa mga desisyong ginawa mo, para sayo, para sakin, para satin, at para sainyo.

Na sana hindi mo pagsisihan ang ginawa mong pag-bitaw.

Na sana hindi mo maramdaman na ikaw lang mag-isa, walang kasama.

Na sana hindi mo maramdaman ang lungkot, lungkot na hindi mo malalabas kahit ilang beses ka pa sumigaw.

Na sana sakanya ka makahanap ng ligaya.

Na sana hindi mo maisip na hindi mo na kaya.

Walang araw o gabi na hindi ako nanalangin,

Na sana hindi mo ako makalimutan. Makalimutan lahat ng ating pinagsamahan.

Na sana matupad mo yung mga pangarap mo, yung mga pangarap mo na dati’y naging pangarap ko na din.

Na sana kayanin mo lahat ng problemang darating.

Na sana magawa mo sakanya yung mga hindi mo nagawa sa akin.

Na sana mahanap mo yung mga bagay na hindi mo nahanap sa akin.

Walang araw o gabi na hindi ako nanalangin,

Na sana makayanan mong maging malakas.

Na sana mahanap mo yung walang hanggan’t walang wakas.

Na sana ibigay ng Panginoon lahat ng pangangailangan mo.

Na sana dinggin niya itong tanging hiling ko

Na sana matutunan mong kumapit kahit pag sawa ka na, o hind na masaya. Hindi sakin, kundi sakanya.

Panalangin ko para sainyong dalawa.

Adiós!

— Raven, Prayer

[raventhology-blog]

Shambles

Words fall short when it comes to explaining my life right now. My life’s currently in a state of total disorder. I’m in shambles.

I’m having a difficult time holding my life together. It’s out of control. Maybe it’s the reason why people leave me alone.

Hungry, thirsty, to find someone who knows how to stay because she knows how it feels to be left behind. To find someone who will not have a thought of breaking me to pieces because she knows that insane, brutal, and depressing feeling to have your heart shattered on the ground. She also knows how it feels to be in shambles.

I make mistakes, lots of them. I’m not perfect, like you. I’m clueless sometimes, like I’m lost in the ozone. I’m alone, and it’s agonizing. 

All of these feelings, mess, shattered pieces, and clueless thoughts are multiplied to thousands because of something I believed in. And that is; 

I’ll have you as my strength and light in this one, hell of a life. But I guess everything was a lie.

Adiós!

— Raven, Shambles

[raventhology-blog]

Kaya Ko Nang Lumangoy Mag-Isa

Ang saya natin. Ang saya nating lumalangoy sa dagat ng pag-ibig, sa dagat ng pangarap, sa dagat ng saya. Ni pagod o hirap, hindi ko ininda. Basta ang alam ko kasama kita, wala nakong hihilingin pa. Napakadami nating pangarap para sa isa’t isa, napakadami nating pangarap magkasama. Akala ko yung buhay ko kumpleto na. Nalaman ko nalang, ayaw mo nang lumangoy na ako ang kasama. Sakit at lungkot lang ang aking naramdaman. Napawi ng ginawa mo yung mga dating nararamdaman ko. Yung dating dagat ng saya, pangarap, at ligaya, napalitan ng purong kalungkutan. Nalunod ako dito, ni hindi ko inisip umahon, ni hindi ko inisip umangat sa ibabaw ng tubig, ikaw lang nasa isip ko, hindi ko naisip iligtas ang sarili ko. Naisip kong hanapin ka, sumisid, at baka makita ka. Nakita kita, masaya na, tinanong kita kung pwede pa, sabi mo wala na. Sa kagustuhan kong manitili ka sa buhay ko, inalok kita na maging kaibigan ka, ang sabi mo sumunod nalang tayo sa ihip ng hangin, at lakas ng alon. 

At dyan, sa pag-"Go with the flow" natin tayo'y nasasaktan. Kung saan sanay ka nang kasama siya, bigla siyang lulubog at mawawala. Sa mga biglaang pangyayari, hindi pwedeng ikaw ay hindi mabigla. Susubukan mo siyang hanapin muli. Ngunit sa iyong paghanap at paghabol, ika'y mapapagod at mawawalan ng hininga. Saka karin lulubog kasama ng mga alaalang naiwan niya. Kaya ngayon, sa muli kong pagahon. Di man kita makita sa ibabaw ng mga alon, tanggap ko na. Hindi man kita kasama lumusong, tanggap ko na. Kaya ko nang lumangoy mag-isa.

[raventhology-blog]

Growing Up Sucks

Naaalala mo pa nung mga times na wala ka pang pinoproblema? Yung tipong nag-eenjoy ka lang sa kahit anong gawin mo, sa mga laruan mo, sa mga kalaro mo, sa mga bagay na hindi naman talaga laruan pero nagagawa mo dahil sa imagination mo. Nung bata ka pa. Naaalala mo pa ba? Sarap sa feeling no? Yung maiiyak ka lang dahil nadapa ka, hindi ka pinagbigyan sa gusto mo, pinagdamutan ka ng mga kalaro mo sa laruan, hindi ka bati ng kaibigan mo, pinagalitan ka ng nanay o tatay mo, at pag inaasar ka ng mga kaklase mo. Yung mapapagod ka lang dahil naglaro ka buong araw, nakipagdaldalan sa school, naghabulan kasama ng mga kalaro mo. Yung tipong masaya ka na pag may bago kang toys, may miryenda kang tsiken joy tsaka prens prays, pag nagkaron ka nanaman ng bagong friend, pag nagkaron ka ng star sa school, pag mataas grades mo at may reward ka sa mga magulang mo. Napakasimpleng buhay.

Pero sadly, iba na ngayon.

Mahirap man aminin, pero matanda ka na. May mga priorities ka na, commitments, responsibilities, may mga expectations na sayo yung family mo, napapagod ka na ng sobra, nai-stress, at di gaya ng dati na pag nasaktan ka ay temporary lang, ngayon pag nasaktan ka, nagtatagal, nagmamarka, naninirahan sayo. Hindi ba nakakaloko?

At dahil matanda ka na, yung parents mo, mas maraming nauutos sayo! Kasi mas marami ka nang kayang gawin ngayon. At sa panahon ngayon, parang nagiging batas na ang pagiging bread-winner kung panganay ka. Pag bunso ka naman, kanang kamay ka ng buong pamilya, utos dito, utos doon. Ano nga bang magagawa mo? Matatanda sila sayo. Panganay ako, kaya alam ko na personal alalay yung mga bunso. Ay joke. HAHA!

Sabi rin nila hindi ka tumatanda pag hindi nababawasan friends mo, sigurado kasi may mga darating at darating pero mas siguradong mas maraming mawawala. Na-didistingguish mo na kasi kung sino yung mga real friends at fake friends. Yung iba naman na nawala, hindi naman sa fake friends sila, hindi mo lang talaga ma-gets kung bakit isang araw hindi ka nalang niya pinapansin, yung para bang wala kayong pinagsamahan. Pero ganon talaga. Kailangang tanggapin.

Higit sa lahat, matanda ka na nga pag kailangan mo nalang maging okay kahit hindi okay yung lahat. Pag nasaktan ka kasi ngayon hindi na tulad ng dati na temporary lang, ngayon pag nasaktan ka, nagtatagal, nagmamarka, naninirahan sa katawan mo. Yung tipong pasan mo pa yung mundo, pero kailangan mong ipakita na okay ang lahat, na para bang isang kilo lang yung timbang ng planetang to. Yung tipong hindi na mapinta yung mukha mo, mukha kang abstract na collage. Yung gusto mo nalang bumalik sa pagkabata. O magmukmok sa sulok. Pero hindi pwede, kasi may mga responsibilidad ka na, may mga umaasa na sayo, may mga priorities ka na, at marami pang iba. Kaya nga growing up sucks diba?

May mga perks din naman ang pagtanda, konti nga lang yung maganda.

Adiós!

— Raven, Growing Up Sucks

[raventhology-blog]

Free Spirit

 What is the right way to live? Should life be lived like how society tells you?

 Go finish your studies. Get a job. Work hard every day. Find someone you love. Settle down. Start a family, so on and so forth. And if you haven’t accomplish any of these, you are considered as one of the people who doesn’t have a fulfilling life. That’s how society judge a fulfilling life. Can you imagine how boring a life like that can be?

What if you don’t want to be married someday and enjoy the freedom and love for yourself? What if, in some cases, you happened to be an under-graduate but you have a job, loving family, true friends, and a happy life? How can the society tell you that you don’t have a fulfilling life?

Just because many people do it, it doesn’t mean that it’s the right/only way. Where’s your free will there? Life doesn’t have rules. Don’t feel bad if you haven’t done any of these yet or it’s against your will to do any of these, don’t feel bad or left behind. You know yourself better than anyone, so decide the things you want for your life, it’s yours.

 So enjoy life, have fun, dream big, make mistakes, learn from them, take risks, venture, explore, love unconditionally, never stop growing, love new experiences, have an open mind, have courage, think freely, be yourself, do what you love, enjoy small and simple things, let go of perfect, just be happy!

 Be the person who lives according to his/her will, wishes, and beliefs. A person who’s unconstrained by people’s conventions. A free spirit.

You don’t need society to accept you. Accept you.

Adiós!

— Raven, Free Spirit

[raventhology-blog]

Fright-end

  “Everyone's afraid of something.” — Four, Divergent

It’s true. Everybody has something to be afraid of. I quoted this after watching again some parts of the movie. Then I began to think, “What are the things I was afraid of?” and, “What are things I’m afraid of now?”

And I was afraid of losing you. 

“Was.”

  I’m afraid of different things now.

I fear making mistakes now, because people might not forgive me, like how you didn’t.

I fear making promises now, because I’m afraid I might break it, again.

I fear to make plans now, because I might stumble and fall, again.

I fear to be me now, because people might not accept me, like you.

I fear to hold anyone now, because I might lose them, like how I lost you.

I fear to help anyone now, because people might think I’m not capable of helping anyone, that I’m useless even though I tried.

I fear to be weak now, because people might not understand.

I fear to love now, because people might not love me back, like how you told me you did, but you left.

I’m frightened of these things now because of you. Because of how we ended.

But thanks to you, I knew how I will be accepted.

Adiós!

— Raven, Fright-end

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I sit here as I wait for the one, to find me and love me in a way I’ve never been loved, to understand me in a way I’ve never been understood, to protect me in a way I’ve never been protected, to need me in a way I’ve never been needed. I wait as I’m desperately in need for you.

darkdome (via wnq-writers)

[raventhology-blog]

Chainsmoker

I don't feel ice cold anymore because of the sticks that provided smoke to warm me up. These sticks helped me hold my tears whenever I think of you. These sticks helped me burn unwanted emotions. I used to be obsessed with my problems(you), like how I love to walk in heavy rains. That’s it. That's how I got out of it. I walked. I can kill myself slowly by wondering, worrying about how things ended. Then I realized, what's the point? It will not change anything. Locking myself, will not help myself. So, I went out for a cigarette. 

For me, a chain-smoking left-behind-mess, I searched for the remedy for these wounds, but there’s none. So all I did was walk myself through everything with a pack of nails in my coffin, lighting every single one of them, watching smoke come out of my mouth as if my soul is leaving my body, letting time pass by. Then one day, I woke up and I'm not that affected anymore. It feels new, but it’s better. Now, I'm as relaxed as a guy lying on cloud nine. And every stick I burn, lit my way to happiness.

Let's burn memories to ashes.

Adiós!

— Raven, Chainsmoker

[raventhology-blog]

Fast Car

Inspired by the song itself, Fast Car by Tracy Chapman, I want to do this at some point in my life. I want to drive my car to anywhere with someone I love, then just leave all our problems behind, forget our past life, travel and start a new life. Leave the negative people behind, work harder, don’t be affected by insecure and judgmental people. Love yourself, love someone, and love the people around you. Things will get better. 

The only way to live life is to keep moving. You just have to find someone who will ride with you.

Adiós!

— Raven, Fast Car

[raventhology-blog]

Mind Over Matter

Ok, ok. So I’m writing for myself, as a motivation. Lately, I’ve been needing lots of willpower. Due to what happened to us between me and my ex-girlfriend (I know, sounds lame), I think I lost a huge part of, she also took my strength.

Seriously, I can’t do anything, people say that I became more active in doing other things, but I haven’t done anything for myself. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat much, my body feels so heavy, I haven’t come home yet, and thoughts are blocking my freaking mind!

It’s like I’m lost. Is this normal? Can heart break do this? That’s so messed up.

I wanted to start over, start fresh, forget what happened, move on. But it felt like a higher part of me doesn’t want to move, it felt like inner me’s in control of my body and mind. It didn’t feel right, I was asking myself “what questions” like, “What’s wrong?”, “What is happening?”, “What’s stopping me?”. Apparently, no answers came. So, I’ve been thinking about it all day, making me unproductive, useless, and I didn’t want that.

I decided to write this blog. Mind Over Matter, will be one of my signs that I knew I had a battle between me and myself, and that I really want to move on and forward.

This blog will tell me that visualizing in changing my life and that I should decide what I want. That I need all of my thoughts, feelings and actions are directed towards the new life. I should clear my mind first, let go of the things blocking me, then decide and make up my mind.

Thanks for letting me vent out,

Adiós!

— Raven, Mind Over Matter

[raventhology-blog]

Best Friend

Para sakin, yung salitang best friend. Siya yung laging nandyan para sayo. Siya yung handang tulungan ka pag may problema ka or nahihirapan ka. Siya yung magpapasaya sayo pag malungkot ka. Siya yung mag-cocomfort sayo. Siya yung kasama mo pag bad trip ka sa parents mo. Siya yung kinekwentuhan mo lagi ng nangyari sayo sa buong araw.  Siya yung kayang magmukhang tanga mapatawa ka lang pag broken hearted ka. Siya yung kakulitan mo. Siya lang yung taong malalabas mo yung totoong sarili mo, yung pagkabaliw mo, hinding hindi ka mahihiya sakanya, komportableng komportable ka sakanya.

Eh pano kung mainlove ka sa best friend mo?

Masasabi mo bang nainlove ka sa tamang tao? O masasabi mo ring mali? Kasi natatakot ka. Alam mong maraming pwedeng magbago. Alam mo na baka pag nalaman niya na may gusto ka sakanya, maaari siyang lumayo. Umiwas. Maraming gugulo sa isip mo. Hindi mo alam kung itatago mo ba, o sasabihin mo yung totoo.

Natural lang na naiisip mo rin na malay mo mahal ka din niya pala ng higit pa sa best friend lang. Malay mo may chance? Malay mo kayo na talaga? Kung meron, iisipin mong swerte ka.

But you can’t take the risk. Kasi alam mong may chance na masira yung relationship nyo, yung pagkakaibigan nyo. Baka masayang lahat ng pinagsamahan nyo. At kung maging kayo man, pano pag hindi nyo natagpuan yung forever sa isa’t isa? Edi lalong nawala lahat?

At dun mo napagisip isip na mas mabuti sigurong itago mo nalang, itago mo nalang yung nararamdaman mo dahil alam mong mas magtatagal kayo bilang mag-Best Friend.

Experience and thoughts.

Adiós!

— Raven, Best Friend

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The 6° of Separation

1st Degree:  Shock and Denial — It’s hard and painful. Ayaw mong tanggapin sa sarili mo na wala na kayo. Mali, hindi mo pa to kayang tanggapin, masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari. It was like a second ago, you’re still in love with each other, then in a blink of an eye, your lover’s gone. And because of that you’re blanked, you're still overwhelmed by the situation. Mahirap pang tanggapin.

2nd Degree:  Pain and Guilt — Pagkatapos mag-sync in sayo lahat ng pangyayari, saka mo mararamdaman yung sakit, yung sakit na bigla bigla nalang magpapabuhos ng luha mo. Nag-start ka na ring sisihin yung sarili mo sa mga nagawa mong mali, o yung mga hindi mo pa nagawa para sakanya.

3rd Degree:  Anger and Pleading — Questions fills your mind, asking things that aren’t clear to you yet. Galit ka sa sarili mo, tinatanong mo yung sarili mo kung bakit niya ginawa sayo to, kung bakit ka niya iniwan ng ganon ganon lang. At dahil don nagmamakaawa ka sakanya na ibalik nyo ang dati, na kaya nyo pang ayusin yung mga bagay na naging dahilan ng break-up nyo. Sa sobrang sama ng loob mo, nagdadasal ka nalang na sana panaginip nalang ang lahat, na sana bigla nalang siyang bumalik sayo.

4th Degree:  Depression and Loneliness — Habang natatanggap tanggap mo na yung nangyare sainyo, mararamdaman mo yung loneliness. Mararamdaman mo yung pagkukulang sa sarili mo. Mararamdaman mo kung gano kalaking parte ng buhay mo yung nawala sayo. Gusto mong mag-pacomfort sa family mo or sa friends mo, pero nararamdaman mong gusto mo ring mapagisa, at alalahanin yung dating kayo.

5th Degree: Acceptance — As time flies, unti untin ka nang nakakagalaw, unti unti mo nang nakakayanan. Nagagawa mo nang gawin yung mga bagay na normal mong ginagawa dati either mag-isa or kasama siya. Nakikita mong kaya mo naman pala after all the pain and loneliness. Natatanggap mo na. Although, you’re still not happy like before, nakikita mong nakakapag-move on ka na.

6th Degree: Finding and Loving Yourself — After ka nyang iwan at saktan, alam mo sa sarili mo na malaking bagay ang nawala sayo. Through time and with the help of the ones around you, nakayanan mo. Marami kang natutunan hindi lang about sa relationship, kundi sa sarili mo din. Natutunan mo na kahit wala na sila, nakatayo kang mag-isa. You learned to accept who you are and nalaman mo na kailangan mong mahalin muna yung sarili mo bago mo i-expect na mahalin ka ng iba.

Moving On, madaling isipin at sabihin pero mahirap gawin.

Alam ko na yan. Mahirap talaga, nasanay ka na may “kayo” eh. Naging routine na sainyo yung isa’t isa. Kagising mo nga, naka-good morning ka agad nuon eh. Naaalala mo? Yun yung mga bagay na masakit, yung ala-ala(memories) na naiwan sayo. I remember dati, pag tuwin may problema ako, I just had to break down and cry. Then she’ll be there to say, “Tama na. Ayaw kong nakikita kang umiiyak. Kaya mo yan, kaya natin.” Tapos nung umiiyak ako sakanya, about sa nangyare samin, ang sabi niya, “Tama na. Wag ka nang umiyak, kaya mo yan. Masasanay ka rin na wala ako.” Oh diba saya? Hahahaha, nasan na yung “kaya natin” niya? Nasa na yung kami? Bandang huli tatawanan mo nalang din yan.

Payo ko lang. Time heals everything.

Adiós!

— Raven, 6° of Separation

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#WalangForever!

Yes, napaka-cliché. Kadalasang maririnig mo to sa mga taong sawi sa pag-ibig, nasaktan, pinaasa, niloko, pinaglaruan, at iniwan. I’ll just reply, “Napaka-bitter mo naman! Haha”. And at the back of my mind, I’ll whisper to myself, “Buti pako may forever!” But I never thought I’ll be sharing the same feelings as theirs.

We had like the most strongest and perfect relationship. She wasn’t just my queen, my princess, my best friend, my strength, my smile, my enemy, but she was also my partner-in-crime. She was the one who kept me going, who kept me positive, who kept me looking on the brighter side, who kept me close, really close. We had troubles, hindrances, it’s normal, but we didn’t mind, we had each other’s back. She accepted me for who I was, she knew all of my sides and shades and yet, she continued loving me for who I am. I saw life with her, I saw our future, I can’t even imagine a life without her. She doesn’t even have to do anything just to make me smile, just looking at her, watching her doing normal things was not normal to me. It felt like I had everything, that we had everything. It was like me and her against the world. Having a relationship like that? It was really perfect to me. But maybe I was too over-confident.

One day, I felt like everything changed. I can’t explain how and why, but I just felt it. We’re together most of the time, thinking she’s happy, contented, and loved. But out of the blue, she said she’s tired. What did I do wrong? Questions filled my mind. She was the strongest girl I know. And now she’s tired? Tired of what? Us? Me? I don’t know, I can’t understand. Because of what I heard, I asked her series of question. She just said, she’s having trouble deciding whether she should hold on, or let go. I tried talking thing through, but she made up her mind, she wanted to let go. I panicked. I have to talk to her in person. It was 2:00 am, but I had to go to her, thinking I could still fix everything. But I was wrong, there was no more us to save.

And just like that, forever’s over.

Sooner, I knew why she’s tired. She was tired of me. She was tired of being with me, she was tired of my messed up life, and she was tired of pulling me up. We promised with each other’s love, that no matter how hard it is for both of us, we will still be together. But I guess promises are made to be broken.

It’s funny how I used to laugh at bitter people who keeps on saying “Walang forever!”, minsan pa nga may “Hashtag! Walang forever!”, it really is funny. But because of what happened, kinain ko rin yung mga salita ko na papatunayan ko sakanilang may forever. I never thought I’ll be part of the people pushing the trend #WalangForever. I was against it at first, believing that our relationship has flaws but will remain, and it didn’t.

Sabi nga nila, “It’s better to end something and start another than to imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.” In the end, you still have to move forward because there are things you can’t change. It was hard at first, but you gotta get used to it, of course. But thanks to the people who comforted me, and never made me feel lonely, I can say, I started the steps of moving on.

So, I wrote this just to leave everything here, in this very said post on Tumblr, with a pack of cigarette, and my thoughts of her.

Adiós!

— Raven, Walang Forever