remnantrites

[remnantrites]

I screamed into the

Abyss until the abyss

Screamed at me in turn

[remnantrites]

Am I a swirling vortex devoid of thought?

Something chastens me within

I wonder if it all were for naught

The load I carry for my sins

I think back to the day I died

When I laid myself bare

I no longer have to hide

I never asked for it to be fair

What, Who, and Why are the questions I ask

As I swirl in uncertainty

Yet I cannot complete this simple task

As it pertains to me

By and by I wash away

Til I reach another day

[remnantrites]

Today I procrastinated writing my fanfiction by writing a different fanfiction

So that's where I am with my writers block

[remnantrites]

Oh my gods this makes me want Shadowgast mermaid fanfiction! Has anyone written this? Do I need to write this?

finally finished my mermay shadowgast picture, which took a while and was all sorts of fun to work on 💜🧡

initially inspired by a vintage photograph (under the read more!); i took one look at it and thought yep this one needs to be turned into shadowgast merfolk

tip jar!

[remnantrites]

Meanwhile the voices in my head:

L: drink water

A: you forgot to take your meds, bitch

R: gimme a snack. Now

L: no seriously, drink water or we will literally die

A: take care of yourself right now or I swear to all of the gods I will end you

They only demand one thing and that's self-care

Writing prompt:

The voices kept getting louder the longer he ignored them. They screamed bloody murder day and night. He couldn’t sleep. They only demanded one thing, and they would quiet down. The one thing he could never do.

[remnantrites]

*takes notes for the critical role gladiator fic I want to write someday*

But please don't encourage me or I won't finish my current WIP before I start this one (or do, live your best life)

The fact that one of the “monsters” in the Victory Pit is a pair of minotaurs is pretty disturbing and insidious in retrospect.

As soon as meeting Bluud we knew that minotaurs are normal people and not mindless monsters, which means that these minotaurs are probably Xhorhasian prisoners forced to complete in a fight to the death, and against the Last Line, the team made up of members from the Righteous Brand no less. That whole bought was a massive showing of Imperial propaganda.

I do like though that they completely thrashed the Last Line despite being outnumbered three to one. It kind of ended up foreshadowing how the Dwendalian Empire was losing to the Kryn Dynasty in the War of Ash and Light before the Nein arranged the peace talks.

[remnantrites]

I'm laying in bed.

I've spent hours doomscrolling.

Now the doomscrolling no longer scratches the itch in my brain.

I'm going insane.

I'm laying in bed.

I'm playing scenes and scenarios over and over in my head.

I tried to write the ideas down, but they flew away.

I tried to get up, but my brain said stay.

There are stories that I love.

Stories that I want to tell.

I try to write.

My brain constantly puts up a fight.

I'm laying in bed.

So I try to sleep.

In the morning, I can try again.

But now I cannot sleep.

My brain will not turn off nor is it satisfied by reading, or writing, or anything.

I don't have the words nor the energy to express my frustration.

I no longer know my own destination.

I am stuck somewhere between the stories in my brain and the words my hands want to write but can't.

I am a train lost at sea.

I am a car trying to drive on the tracks.

I am a boat floating through space.

A rocket crash landing on the road.

I am both driver and vehicle and yet I still have so little control.

I fight for every word I put on the page.

I go to the battlements of my brain, fortified though they may be

I let loose my battle cry, pull the whistle of the train in the sea

I fight until the break of dawn until the road's paved with red.

I blink as the lights come on.

I'm laying in bed.

[remnantrites]

A couple months ago I bought a queer romance/fantasy book and I really enjoyed it

Then the other day, I saw the author using ai generated animations to promote the book. I looked into it further and apparently they use ai to brainstorm and outline their books. I don't know if they use ai to write the actual book or not, but at this point I don't know if I would believe it if they said they didn't

Is it bad that I feel betrayed?

Like, why would you ruin a good thing with ai? Do you not trust your own skill and creativity?

I'm so sad and disappointed in the author and idk I'm just ranting because it hurts

[remnantrites]

Not me literally talking about the fanfiction I'm writing in therapy because it's easier to process my feelings if I'm pretending they're actually a fictional character's feelings

people say “write what you know” and then get surprised when i hand them 47 pages of unprocessed emotional trauma disguised as fantasy worldbuilding

[remnantrites]

Nuh uh, I didn't say discombobulated over five times today. You've got the wrong guy, your honor

but your honour thats my emotional support word i overuse

[remnantrites]

Today I experienced a phenomenon where my nose simultaneously was and was not bleeding.

Schrodinger's nosebleed

[remnantrites]

Do you ever get a story idea that you really really want to write, but you can't because you've committed to finishing your current WIP first?

I'm laying here in bed playing a thousand story ideas in my head instead of writing. I have two WIPs that I want to finish and I promised myself I would finish one before starting a new WIP

I want to write

But my brain is focused on future stories instead of the ones I am trying to write now

[remnantrites]

Sometimes I'll look at my own fic to see if it's been updated.

Sometimes I'll reread my own work and hope that the next chapter comes out soon.

Sometimes I'll look at my own writing and send out a blessing to the author so that maybe they will write more.

Sometimes I'll treat myself as a writer I don't know.

I give other writers grace when they don't post a chapter for months or even years.

I comment on other writers work, hoping they'll find joy in how much I liked it

I send blessings to other writers so that maybe they will write more.

I would never shame other writers for their posting schedule or the frequency of their updates.

Yet, sometimes I feel shame about my own.

Writing is gift.

My writing is a gift.

Sometimes it's okay to give yourself love even when you feel like shit.

sometimes I’ll be looking at my own fic just to see how long it’s been since I last updated it and all I feel is

✨shame✨

[remnantrites]

I made a Finding Nemo reference in the second chapter of the first ever fanfic I wrote (my current WIP) and nobody noticed.

This was nearly a year ago and I still get a little sad about it sometimes

Writer: Adds a super obscure detail no one will notice. Also writer: Gets mad when no one notices.

[remnantrites]

I write for myself.

I choose ideas and themes I want to see written on the page. I write what brings me joy. I craft precious personal moment that leave me smiling and giggling for weeks. I write devastating scenes that have me spilling actual tears over the characters I wrote about.

I craft characters for myself.

I write representation into the world so I can see myself in stories. I give my characters struggles and flaws and joys and hardships. I write characters to better understand myself.

I write for myself.

But I post for others.

I post my writing to share my joys and struggles.

I post so that others can smile with me.

Learn with me.

Grow with me.

I post so that others can see themselves represented in my characters. So they can find something they can relate to

I post because there is something amazing and entirely human about sharing something you love and having someone love that thing in return

I post for validation and the knowledge that I am not alone in what I love.

I post because maybe someone will read it and find great meaning in it. Maybe they will find the courage to post writing of their own.

I write for myself but I share that writing for something greater than myself

“i write for myself,” i said, casually refreshing to see if my fanfics had reached the audience i secretly hoped for.

[remnantrites]

Adding Astrid, Eadwulf, and Pumat to this list

I love the fact that basically nobody knows who the Nein are and most of the people (especially the powerful/important ones) on this list found out about the stuff the Nein did after the fact

Like there are literally plays being put on about Vox Machina (in canon); kids probably read about them defeating Vecna and the Conclave in school. But nobody knows the Nein and I love that. They're the epitome of unsung heroes

"I've never heard of this Mighty Nein!"

A non-exhaustive list of people in Exandria who know who the Mighty Nein are and know at least some of what they've accomplished (i.e. helped end the War of Ash and Light, defeat the Somnovem, and defeat the Weave Mind), in order of political importance:

Leaders of nations, both large countries and other polities

Bright Queen Leylas Krynn

Skysibil Abrianna Mirrim

King Bertrand Dwendal

Lady Allura Vysoren

Marquis Zhafe Uludan

Keyleth, Voice of the Tempest

Government officials, people connected to the aforementioned leaders

Martinet Ludinus Da'leth

Lord Athesias Uludan

Taskhand Verin Thelyss

High Curator Yudala Fon

Orentha Stonegrasp, Lawmaster of Zadash

Bryce Felid, Watchmaster of Alfield

Influential figures, people who are well connected

Yussa Errenis, wizard of Tidepeak

Babenon Dosal, "The Gentleman"

Marion Lavorre, "The Ruby of the Sea"

Average Joes, people who probably know more than they should

The First Draught Book Club, authors of the Exquisite Exandria cookbook

Iva Deshin, store owner of Chastity's Nook

Padmund Pondhop, teenage camper

[remnantrites]

Seriously tho, I will write for CRUMBS!

Someone commenting something as simple as an emoji or a keyboard smash on my fics will make my day and send me running to my computer to write more

"i don't comment on ao3 because i don't wanna be annoying or weird" skill issue + you greatly underestimate the power dynamic here, writing multi paragraph comments is like feeding a bunch of deeply insane and possibly starved ducks at the park and watch them go completely mad over having received a piece of bread