rottenrager

[rottenrager]

Perhaps He Loves Me Then

I opened my skin, let warmth seep into the earth.

I waited through winter,

waited for hummingbirds

to rise from their torpor.

When soft moss wraps

the carvings of my epitaph,

when the wind lifts the grime

settled into my skin,

when the river of grief

meanders into the sea.

When a beetle carries the last of me

to his garden, and I bloom,

a dahlia cupped in his palms.

Perhaps he loves me then.

[rottenrager]

Sin

Nostrils pinched shut

And eyes wide open

Drenched in the tranquil

Elixir of life

My father washed away all his sins.

The ice cold drop and the

Warmth of his blood

A brew to erase

Every shade of grey.

He rose from the water

In an angel's shroud, perhaps.

With a resignation

No man could muster.

But he never knew

The greatest sin of all

Lay dormant, waiting to resuscitate

The monster he became.

In the Ganges he went,

My father,

And washed away all his sins.

In the Ganges, he went

My father,

But he couldn't wash away me.

[rottenrager]

Child of Rage

Pious, pure, pristine

Doused in crimson

Weeping an elixir that

Flows in the Ganges

A pardon of their sins

A relic of their love

To fill the void

And mend the cracks

But her shriek has blared

The siren of doom

Rising from her penumbra

She is the sun

And not as forgiving

As the goddess they worship

She screams and screams

Until their drums pierce

And truth bleeds from scratches

From her thrashing hands

A child born of rage

Never knows to love

[rottenrager]

Sandcastles

Wind in our hair and salt on our lips

We make sandcastles on the beach

A gum wrapper and a soda cap

And a darling home for us each

And the sun fumes with envy

For your eyes are all that I see

The fluttering of your lids is every

Dawn and dusk for me

The music in my heart thumps

A crescendo, as my fingers thread

Through yours, a silent promise

To never leave, that goes unsaid

Perhaps the sun holds a grudge

And the moment, it fleets by

You in the ocean's hammock

Lulled into sleep, so blue and wry

And I think, the ocean is cruel

But crueler is that gale

That takes our sandcastles away

And not a soul to tell the tale

So in a life after, or after maybe

When the ocean has aged still less

We'll make sandcastles on the beach

And let our palms again caress

[rottenrager]

When is the time to die?

When is the time to die?

As an infant, pink and breathless

Strangled by your own

Mother's umbilical cord,

Making a womb itself your grave?

Or as a child, a ball of hope

Innocence echoing in

Every word you speak?

Your life waiting with outstreched arms,

A ghost of a grin on her face?

Or a young man, strong and brave

Shouldering grief and pain

The world in your palms and

Then suddenly, you in hers?

Or old and wrinkled, having lived your life

Orphaning hands that held your own

And leaving a void that,

Swallows them whole?

When is the time to cross the bridge?

When is the time to cease the heart

And halt the ones that pump your name?

When is the time to die?

[rottenrager]

I shall lie down at home

and pretend to be dying

Then the neighbors will all come in

to gape at me, and perhaps, he will come with them.

When he comes, I won't need a doctor,

he knows why I am ill.

(An ancient Egyptian poem I'm in love with)

[rottenrager]

There are two hearts on the floor, one is mine, both are yours.

[rottenrager]

To The Dead Bug on My Windowsill

A tickle on my neck

Was it a caress? Or an attempt

To suck the crimson off my skin

I guess I'd never know

I didn't hesitate a bit

To brush you off like lint

And just like that you fell

Lifeless before my gaze

Had you fanned your wings

You would have got a day

Or two to live, perhaps

But you didn't, was it fate?

Or unwavering resolve

What went wrong?

Who broke the heart

I wasn't sure you even had

I'd give a million reasons

Even a bug's heartache

To justify my nerve

To befell a depraved sin

And with my filthy hands

I will pray and grieve and give

The greatest ode I can

To the dead bug on my windowsill

[rottenrager]

Just Yet

Hand-in-hand they saunter

Through a carpet of leaves

None trodden black

Their shoulders heavy

With the weight of books

None yet of the world

The sun smiling down

Not yet a ball of fury

The birds still chirping

Their blood still pure

With no radio waves

Pumping through their veins

The ocean serene

Not hiding the wrath

Of its waves, no capsizing

Ships, no destroyed homes

No forests turned into

A mammoth furnace

No bridges falling, no

Children crying while

Their mothers make

The atomic bombs they

Will greet in a fortnight

No people dying, still land

Spared to bury the corpses

Oh, they're safe

Just yet

[rottenrager]

The Wait

Many people fear death

But I fear the wait

I can hear it ticking by

And I can see it on your face

Pick me up on your shoulders

Let us both see the parade

But I'm not five

And you're too frail

I miss when I believed in forever

When death seemed only but

A fable to put me to sleep

There is so much I don't know

Your boyhood, your dogs

The way you used to play

So I put my head to your chest

Too scared to live the moment

That soon will be nothing

But a soul crushing ache

I beg you, don't go

Stay, please wait

[rottenrager]

Stillborn

The silence is deafening

Stingingly white and

A hint of red

Seeping through the covers

But she smiles still

Her womb defies nature

As death cradles

A piece of her soul

She hopes it's warm

And feels like a swaddle

The umbilical noose

The mightiest of suffering

Of being human

Bestowed upon a little soul

At least now the shards

Can be eluded

He will take his first steps

In a lush underfoot

And clear blue skies

He is now free, he is now safe

And still he is loved

So dearly by his mother

[rottenrager]

Only Love

Yes, I'll swallow my words

Roll them up in my tongue

And stick them so deep inside my throat

That they are drenched in acid

Stinging scalding blistering

My throat will cater third degree burns

But at least you won't feel hurt

Sorry, I upset you, you can

Hit me all you want

And when I sit with the blade tonight

I will be thankful that

You gave me a canvas to paint on

Your knuckles are so red

Let me patch them up for you

What a waste of such pretty hands

But at least my eyes look good in blue

Shake me out of this trance

Wash me awake with my blood

Is this love? It's all I have learned

So I will swallow the poison

And it will burn

But it's only love

[rottenrager]

Reaper

My house reeks of death

I can pinch my nose

And pretend it doesn't

Too late, I can see the reaper

Waiting patiently at my doorstep

The daisies in my vase

Withered

The three headed dog

Untethered

I can't escape

So I lie all callous

Teered in earth

To mask the smell

But it's me that's pungent

Failure, failure, failure

He's already here

He's already here

He's already here

[rottenrager]

Inferno

Can't help but wonder why

I am so repulsed by touch

A gentle hand, a lit cigarette

A timid tap, a scalding ember

And when the stars feel catastrophic

And our palms happen to embrace

I am doused in oil, I am ablaze

I am kindling in dazzling flame

Perhaps they speak the truth

Fear comes from what one yearns

Then be enveloped by wildfire

Emerge parched, pared, pristine

And if fear is what to fear itself

Let me be the goddamn inferno

Engulf the life around me

Become the life they always dread

[rottenrager]

Golden Girl

A crowd full of strangers

Bellowing at my door

Looking for that child

Who wants to be no more

The playbill is over

The curtains are drawn

What's left to see, barely

They hardly can adorn

Wrinkled and bruised

Inside and out

Heart in shreds

Mind in doubt

What can I be

How can I please

The best of me seen

Nothing left to tease

Oh, your golden girl

Tarnished at last

The songbird is gone

The crowd aghast

[rottenrager]

Sunflower Shoes

Whispers she softly as

She fondles her womb

The moment is close by

She can adore her sacred bloom

A gift from her other half

Dazzling sunflower shoes

The size of her palm, she chuckles

Lost she gets in her motherly muse

Time ticks by, alive is the room

She wails, her nails dig into her skin

With a final push, she drowns in rheum

In her arms is sweet pardon of her every sin

A daughter, her heart is sewn with joy

She calls out for him to see

"Rotten is the fruit of your womb!", he thunders

He snatches her world, her pride, her glee

Is being a girl, so sinful, so evil?

Never opened her eyes, she's put to sleep

A man turned monster in a heartbeat

That he numbers, all god can do is weep

Lie those sunflower shoes in a corner

And the remains of a mother she lived to be

Six feet under, her child, her soul,

And hopes in heaven she's safe and free

[rottenrager]

Unk*ll Myself

Sunrise at six but I am not awake

The last leaf has fallen

The weather is colder, brittle like my insides

But I lay silent, suppressed, forgotten

I haven't sung in months like

The bluebird I haven't seen

Was she lucky to take flight

Or lays lifeless by the ravine

Tear soaked bedsheets

And a blood soaked handkerchief

Shreds of photos of you

And me and our bygone belief

Remains of a hope

To see the lily bloom

On the right side of grass

Coddled in dame nature's womb