shampoo153

[shampoo153]

Batlantern where they are openly dating but no one believes them.

===============================

Hal, during some small talks at Watchtower : "You know, Bat, you can offer me some privileges."

Bruce : "That's called nepotism, Lantern. No."

Dick, the guest of honor today : "What's that about?"

Hal : "You know, lover privilege, husband favoritism, something, anything."

Dick, thinking about Bruce's past romance heartbreaks : "That's not nice to tease him with something insensitive like that."

Everyone else in the room : *nodding and humming in agreement*

Hal : "Huh?"

Bruce, as equally confuse : "Hn."

===============================

Tim : "You know him. He is kinda extra when it comes to his cover. You're attractive, you can score someone pretty easily even after this whole thing is over."

Hal, who just want to grab a glass of water from bats's kitchen : "... okay?"

===============================

Olliver : "He can't really tell when to stop joking sometimes, so don't be too hard on him. I'm sure you can hook up with someone soon to shut him up."

Bruce, doesn't even know where to start : *grunt*

===============================

Bruce, during an outing with Clark and Diana : "I wonder if my choice would annoy him or not."

Clark, sighing : "Bruce, I know you two don't have the best relationship, but you can't just keep pastering him with your whims."

Diana, nodding : "I don't know what kind of psychological warfare you're planning on him, but you need to not take it too far."

Bruce, who just wants to ask opinion on his choice of movie for their next date : "You two are unbelievable."

===============================

Hal : "I am not joking. I went to bed with him."

Barry : "Dude, stop annoying him. He will kill you one day."

Hal, frustrated : "I am telling you—!"

===============================

Billy, in his Champion form : "I truly believe we only kiss the people we love."

Hal, freaking out because Billy—out of all people—accidentally seeing them making out : "Look, I know this is not a professional way to use any room in Watchtower but—"

Billy : "You know, you two took the whole battering fiasco way too far this time."

Bruce, still internally shaking for not noticing Billy entering the room : "... you can't seriously believe that's what's going on."

Billy : "Hey. Wisdom of Solomon."

===============================

Damian : "That being said, we should treat Jordan with respect since he is willing to put up with Father's schemes."

Other bats : *agreed*

Bruce, just give up at this point : "This house is supposed to be the nest of a bunch of detectives."

[shampoo153]

batman in the watchtower monitor room watching green lantern and the flash almost get their heads blown off in a fight and he’s like pacing around in a circle pulling his hair hyperventilating and trying not to cry and then they get back and he’s standing there normal with his cowl on and his arms crossed going like “What was all that recklessness about.”

[shampoo153]

*slides over in an inconspicuous manner with my chin in my hands*

Thoughts on Absolute SuperBat?

I’d never read the comics, so I went to do some research and was totally blindsided by the height difference

[shampoo153]

I actually think Battinson has the best potential to bring out Bruce’s medical education when it comes to being Batman.

Keep in mind, it’s not that Bruce couldn't graduate med school. He just chose not to.

Battinson who can analyze a cut, determine the object used to inflict it, the intent behind it. And if you lie about it, he’ll know.

Battinson who’ll turn off his detective brain while at a scene, marching directly in someone’s face, — officer, offender, someone who just needs help and that's it, — and his voice is soft, which they know means bad. “Go see a doctor. Right now.”

Battinson who never leaves unless he makes sure everyone who needs medical attention at a scene gets treated accordingly.

He never says a word, just works, like ink on paper, hands capable of harm and healing of equal quantity. They feel safe.

Battinson who carries medical supplies on his belt. Narcan, Tylenol, insulin, bandages. An emergency scalpel.

Getting handed a tampon by him would be a religious experience.

ER doctors, from Park Row to the Narrows, don't know how, why, or when they started assisting the Bat on operating people. From civilian to Rogue. They just do.

He even gets his own pager.

[shampoo153]

Not on TikTok often but I heard this audio I had to make this edit with it. Here's a link to the original

[shampoo153]

billford animatic i made to the song 'confrontation'! ^^

[shampoo153]

We all know how flustered Battinson would be as a first time dad, but can you imagine him when half the rogue roster AND JL members come to them after Jason gets adopted?

Naturally, they assume he’s Bruce’s biological kid. And chaoes quickly comes knocking.

Harvey is VERY ready to be a dad. Too ready. “Don’t even worry about it, even if we’ve had our problem, OBVIOUSLY I’m the father, and I’ll be there every step of the way.”

“What.”

“There’s no need to hide the truth, Bruce, I’m not mad. I’ll be the best dad I can be. I won’t even let Two Face show him how to shoot a gun.”

“I already know how to do that :D”

“WHAT?”

“What did I tell ya?” The seamless switch is blink-and you miss it, but not for Bruce’s sharp eyes. TF just grins, switchblade sharp, ruffling at Jason’s hair, “That IS my boy.”

Clark sheepishly approaching Bruce one day, sitting down at the JL cafeteria table. His handsome face fashioned a bare earnestness which only confuses Bruce MORE.

“Hey. So, we should probably talk about Jason, right?”

“What.”

“I’m really sorry if I did something that made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. But I’m ready to step up. So when should I move in?”

“We haven’t slept together, Clark.”

“Bruce, I think I’d know my kid when I saw him.”

Hal can’t take this anymore. “HE’S A MAN?” He pauses, “Also, why am I not questioned? I could be the baby daddy! I could SO be the baby daddy!”

“Go away, Hal.”

“Yeah ok.”

[shampoo153]

I saw a post saying that Boromir looked too scruffy in FotR for a Captain of Gondor, and I tried to move on, but I’m hyperfixating. Has anyone ever solo backpacked? I have. By the end, not only did I look like shit, but by day two I was talking to myself. On another occasion I did fourteen days’ backcountry as the lone woman in a group of twelve men, no showers, no deodorant, and brother, by the end of that we were all EXTREMELY feral. You think we looked like heirs to the throne of anywhere? We were thirteen wolverines in ripstop.

My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! I’m amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. I’m fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813

*electric guitar riff*

And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like

[shampoo153]

The feral cat gator of a 13 year old freshly scarred Zuko being forcibly adopted by the foggy swamp tribe! Bonus points if they willfully ignore the fact he's a firebender and treat him as a very strange waterbender bending-wise

It was Earth Kingdom ships that drove the metal one onto the reefs, so when the little thing came crawling up through the marsh spitting and hissing and dressed in red, they knew it weren’t no earthbender. No matter how much mud it had tripped in, trying to find where the ground stopped sucking at its feet.

“Wow-ee,” said Old Earl, “that sure is one way of keepin’ off the ‘squito-chiggers.”

And they all watched from Big Earl’s porch, sitting or rocking, as them bugs came for the all-you-can-eat and ended up on the bar-b-que.

“Sure is some weird bending,” said Little Earl, who was taller than Big Earl, but when they'd been twelve and they’d wrestled for the title it hadn't been Little Earl who’d won.

The little thing looked maybe twelve, too. And he was little little. But he had that same look like he was going to shove someone’s face in the mud until they said otherwise, as he stood there all panting and dripping and just realizing they’d been watching him this whole time.

“It’s firebending,” the one-kid mud-wrestler said, as bugs kept pop-snapping into flames around him.

Old Earl cupped a hand over his ear, like he couldn’t hear. And he kept doing it, while the kid got louder and louder about that bending of his, but quieter and quieter about looking at them like they were his next bugs.

“Oh, firebending,” Old Earl said, nodding like he’d only just got it, when the kid had stomped straight up to his chair. “Right, right, Old Jane’s got fire-water-bending, too. Why don’t you take him to her, boys.”

“It’s not-- ugh,” shouted the kid, but maybe he only had the one volume. Certainly only had the one volume for stomping, even though stomping was what got a fellow’s shoes shoved down so deep in the mud they’d be seeing them again as mole-shrimp hats. Not that the kid had shoes. Neither did Earl, Earl, or Earl. ‘Cept for Fancy Earl, but he’d gone off to Ba-Singing-Se, to be fancy.

Anyway, Old Jane was the best at turning anything and everything into fire water, which was the kind of thing a fellow called his or her liquor when they wanted fancy folk to keep right on walking. Was really good for making shouty little firebrands take their naps, too, which let Old Jane get her glowing mitts all over that fresh burn of his. And the love-bites from the shark-wrasses that had probably been half the reason the kid had come a-shore all a-shouting in the first place.

“Nope,” diagnosed Old Jane, when the kid woke back up. “That’s just how he talks. Mother was a screamer-bird, I’d say.”

“You take that back about my mother,” screamed their screamer-bird, who had pretty good hearing for someone who’s ear had lost the same fight as his eye. Anyway, Old Jane had done the best she could about both, and nothing was on fire that shouldn’t be, and she had that extra quilt she’d been working on that needed a body under it

And the waves and the shark-wrasses had all the rest of the kid’s crew

So sure enough they set their little screamer-bird up with a nest and let him cry loud as he wanted.

Anyway, if there was one thing Earl Earl Earl and Jane knew, it was how to make a joke so good the other person didn’t even know it were a joke.

“Firebending,” their little fledgling shouted, and waved his arms around, like all that fire pointed at no one was going to get them startled off.

“A-yep,” nodded Old Earl. “That there is some fire-water-bending. Just like Old Jane.”

Old Jane wasn’t the kind of gal who showed off, but she wasn’t the kind who missed no cue, either. She swirled a lick o’ liquor out of her latest barrel and twirled it ‘round and straight into her mouth, and when she spit it out, it looked so much like the little bird’s breath-o’-fire that he didn’t even notice the spark rocks she kept on her fingers as jewelry. No one did, ‘til they’d seen the trick a few times.

The kid’s mouth hung open so low and so long, a moth-tick flew in. That was some kind of life lesson, that was. The swamp was good at sending those.

The Earth Kingdom sent troops a-stompin’ through, losing boots and scaring catigators out of their sunning spots left and right, askin’ all rumbly about those fires they’d spotted, and if anyone from that shipwreck had made it on shore, and talkin’ about how there’d be money in it for them if they made that last answer a “yes,” sounding like Fancy Earl and all his talk about commerce and living standards.

“Got a few parts of them ship people in the lagoon,” Big Earl said. “Probably still floatin’ if you want ‘em. But we better bring the shrimp-minnow nets, ‘cuase they’ll just slosh on through the turtle-sturgeon ones.”

“...No thank you,” the head stomper said, like sayin’ polite words made a fellow a polite man. He’d tracked those boots of his right up onto their porch without so much as a scuff on their mud rug. Even the kid had used the mud rug. “And the fire?”

“Oh,” said Little Earl, with a grin, “that was Old Jane.”

And she did her trick again, only less tricky, so they could see the spark rocks real good. “You boys want some fire water?” she offered. “It ain’t blinded no one who wasn’t already headed that way.”

They didn’t want any, which was grand, ‘cause she hadn’t really been offering.

When the last of them had gone stomping off back to the kind of land that let people stomp it, it took them two whole hours to lure out the catigators from under the porch. And their little screamer bird, too.

“...Why didn’t you turn me in?”

“What?” asked Old Earl, cupping his ear.

“Why—”

“What?”

“—didn’t—”

“WHAT?”

“—you—”

“Speak up, boy,” Old Earl said. “I never heard such a quiet child.”

And boy, did that set their bird back to singing.

[shampoo153]

Later, during a debrief, Batman turns to Dick: control your son

Dick : so yeah, we should definitely- oh hey jason, do you want to join us? We were planning to go to the movies-

Jason, who's looking down at his phone, walking past them,

Jason : maby another time, dad.

Dick :

Tim :

Damian :

Duke :

Jason, just walking off, leaving them baffled.

Duke : ..what just happend?

Dick : oh no..do I.. look like bruce?..

Tim who's being frantic : did he even notice that he called you- wait what? How-

Damian : does todd think...

Duke : is this normal? Did this happen before?!

Tim : ...no. sure, dick is a great older brother but none of us ever called him dad..

Damian : I'm sure todd ment to say dick, but misspoke..

Dick : do I look like b?!!!

Jason, who recently found out that dick tried to adopt him, and now to mess with bruce, calling dick dad and B gramps.

[shampoo153]

[ID: A series of fake tweets set in the universe of The Batman (2022), from the perspective of Gotham’s citizens. They read as follows:

Cedric C. (@/cedricccc): Ever since the flood last year, I’ve seen a few weird fringe theories about who the Batman is, but the craziest shit I’ve ever heard are the folks who think Bruce Wayne is the Bat. My man looks one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown.

Penny E. Larson (@/penny4urthots): i went to high school with bruce wayne at gotham academy. we got partnered together to dissect a frog and he started crying when he saw it. i had to do all the cutting. This man is #notthebat and we also need to protect him at all costs

R. Wilson (@/gothamtoaustin): I used to work for Wayne Ent. before I moved to TX. One day Wayne had to give my department a presentation and he was so awkward it hurt to watch. He dropped all his index cards, mumbled the whole time, zero eye contact. There’s no way. #notthebat

Javier Perez (@/itsjaviiiii): Bruce Wayne came into the 7-11 I used to work at, got an icee, realized he forgot his wallet as i was checking him out, then put the icee down and speed-walked away before i could get a word in edgewise. i would have given it to him for free. anyway yeah #notthebat

Alice Li (@/aliceingotham): Bruce is a regular at my grandparents’ restaurant. He gets take out a few times a month. I can’t tell you how incredibly soft-spoken this man is. My grandma always tries to take care of him but he shrinks away. Can confirm he is definitely #notthebat

Noah Crocker (@/gothamisnumba1): This poor bastard. Leave him alone. I was at that library charity thing last month and I saw him honest-to-God hiding behind a curtain. I went over to ask if everything was ok but a GCPD guy got to him first and pulled him out of the room. Cut him some slack guys. #notthebat

Libby H. Lewis (@/gothamlibby): Gotham, come on now. We can at least protect our boy Bruce Wayne from this nonsense. Are we all forgetting that time when he “ran away” as a teen and was found crying in a port-a-potty at an AFI concert? It was in the news for months. Leave him alone. #notthebat /End ID]

Image description via @t4tchucky

[shampoo153]

we need more divorcebaiting. how strongly can canon imply (without technically outright stating) that these two characters are bitterly, acrimoniously divorced? essential we explore this

[shampoo153]

I think about Azula shooters often and their common refrain of "if Azula hadn't had a mental breakdown, she would've won" and I'm here to tell you that no, she wouldn't have.

There is no universe in which Azula was winning that fight with Zuko (or Katara, for that matter).

Azula spent so much of Book 2 being built up as this deadly terrifying force against whom the heroes are badly outmatched that it can be difficult to catch exactly how quickly Zuko is advancing.

Back up a bit to Book One. For the fearsome exiled crown prince of the Fire Nation, Zuko's not that impressive a firebender. He's not bad by any stretch, and he's able to lay the untrained Sokka and Katara flat pretty easily. Then he gets in the ring with Aang, who is an airbending master, and the difference between a regular bender and a master becomes apparent when Aang literally puts his ass to bed:

People have attributed this to the fact that no one's fought an airbender in 100 years, but I think it's also worth noting that Aang (a 12 year old from a pacifist nation) has probably never fought anyone before. Like, ever. And yet the second Aang thinks "okay, I'll attack back", the fight's over.

Zuko's got the same genetic predisposition for firebending talent that Azula does, yet it never seems to manifest because of his mental blocks. At the beginning of the series, he's already so beat down that all he really has is conviction, pride, and anger, so even with training from Iroh (the firebending master, thank you very much), he struggles. Yet throughout Book 2, when he has no time to train because he's on the run, he actually seems to advance faster. The fact that his bending is literally tied to his character arc (as his morals become tangled and he has to fight off aforementioned mental blocks) is pretty brilliant. Like, by the time of the Crossroads of Destiny, Zuko getting his ass handed to him by Aang is a pretty consistent feature of the show--he just can't match wits with him.

Hell, at the beginning of the series, he and Iroh (again: the actual firebending master) launch a combined power surface-to-air attack...which Aang casually swats away into a nearby ice wall. Come the Crossroads of Destiny, however, and Zuko by himself launches this bigass fireball that blows through Aang's defenses.

Zuko advances so quickly that it's scary. That prodigious talent is in him even if it doesn't come through as cleanly as with Azula. Who, by the way, was busy about to get flattened by Katara some few dozen feet away, until Zuko took over and then effectively stalemated her himself.

All of this in retrospect makes it abundantly clear why Zuko's firebending seemed to skyrocket so much when he learned true firebending from the Sun Warriors: it was really the only thing left. He's hard a hard road learning how to fight waterbenders, earthbenders, and airbenders, and even if unconsciously, he's applying the philosophy Iroh taught him about augmenting his bending style with aspects of other styles (see also, the waterbending-like fire whips he uses in the above gif). Once he actually understands fire and how it works, he's got it mastered. Hence why any gap between him and Azula effectively disappears as soon as their next fight--before her friends have betrayed her and her stability goes out the window. There's no real sense of urgency to their fight at the Boiling Rock prison. True, Sokka's presence with the sword helps, but Zuko doesn't look remotely worried and he counters Azula's every attack perfectly.

All her life, Azula only ever learned fire. She was taught by the best people the fire nation can employ, so she knows all the cool tricks, but she's still poisoned by the corrupted firebending practiced in the modern ATLA timeline. Unlike Zuko, who managed to get the basics if nothing else from Iroh (fire comes from the breath, and can be used to survive as much as to kill), Azula has always used fire as a weapon and a means to hurt others. She has no true knowledge of the craft, meaning she's got the same weaknesses as Zhao, she's just better disciplined to the point she can make up for it.

Zuko's victory was a given considering Azula's complete loss of control by the time of Sozin's comet, but even had she been in a perfect mental state, she'd have lost, because in many ways Zuko is simply the better firebender.

And that's the truth of it.

[shampoo153]

Favorite part is the kids reaction

[shampoo153]

I know it’s not hard to point out reactionaries hypocrisy when it comes to like safe spaces or hug boxes or whatever but genuinely how much of an echo chamber do you have to exist in for you to think this is a reasonable thing to say

[shampoo153]

My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.

[shampoo153]

My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.