#+ we can see so clearly how she's begun to change + become her own person around those who won't judge her (too harshly lol) as she breaks

[flyinglowdown]

i have a dream. and that dream is cressida/eloise/lord debling

[buckyseddie]

tragic endings

pairings — logan (james) howlett x fem!human!reader

summary — in which, after she takes in a young, troubled mutant in and vows to protect her from all dangers that she seems to be in, she meets the famously-brooding wolverine, who unexpectedly changes her life.

word count — 16.2k.

warnings — mentions of reader suffering through parental neglect and abuse as a child and having LOADS of trauma (LOTS of heavy hints of ptsd too!), mentions of reader taking some lives in order to protect laura and carrying a LOT of guilt, ANGST (obviously, because this isn't a happy ending type of fic), some fluff in it though, reader's in her early twenties, character death and self-sacrifice, equal pining, kisses, use of pet-names [kid, sweetheart, doll], mentions of the reader being depressed and having anxiety and also being suicidal / wanting to die, also a little bit of logan and the reader posing as laura's parents, reader has abandonment and codependency issues, reader also has raging anger issues.

notes — i have one word to describe this fic: long. it is going to be VERY long. also, i love that i finally finish this right as i find out that my grandma passed away... we love grief! gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

main masterlist

IT'S SORT OF... COMPLICATED. ALL she knows, is that she feels something — something she can't quite explain — for the little girl that has suffered through so much pain and loss.

how could someone who suffered through so much pain at the hands of her own parents could become a motherly figure to a misunderstood little girl? well, maybe it's just because she couldn't help it.

she may have had a rough childhood, but [y/n] could just feel it in her heart that laura needed someone to show her that she mattered — that she was worth the hard journey of making it out of everything alive.

so, is it really that hard to see why she would do anything to get her safe? even go to the older, grumpy — clearly retired — wolverine for help?

"look, kid. you seem like you've got good intentions. but, i can't afford to have anymore trouble by helping you and the girl out." logan grumbles, after laura had arrived to knock out the asshole that dared try to mess shit up for him, charles, and caliban.

[y/n] sighs, trying to keep an eye on laura, who has just now begun to walk over to charles. "i can't say i don't get it. because... i do," she sympathetically states, understanding that he just wants to be left alone from all the danger that being a mutant brings.

with another sigh, she watches the young girl interact with charles with a sense of comfort, before turning back to face the older man, who's been watching her warily. "look, i know she's not my daughter — not by blood. but, i love her like she's my own. and she doesn't deserve to be hunted down and killed like a monster. she's done nothing wrong."

"so, i'm only asking you to get us somewhere safe, where we can travel away from on our own. i'll pay you whatever and however much you want. but, i'm not abandoning her — i'm going to protect her with everything i have, for as long as possible."

there's a moment of silence as he doesn't say anything. but, after realizing that his silence is his answer, [y/n] nods wordlessly, trying not to get emotional over the fact that she and laura are on their own to find somewhere safe for them to go.

"right. like i said, i get it." she mumbles, sighing.

an unexpected look of regret flashes in logan's eyes, but [y/n] doesn't see it, due to motioning for laura to come over to her.

a look of disappointment takes over the little girl's expression as [y/n] turns back to face the wolverine. "look, i'm sorry for bothering you about this. clearly... this was both a mistake and a waste of time." she murmurs as laura comes up from behind her and grabs her hand.

"and i hope these guys," she stops to point to the unconscious man still lying on the ground. "don't give you any more trouble."

he sighs and nods, still watching her warily as he begins to wonder why a human would risk so much — and her life — just to protect this little girl that he's been growing more curious about by every passing second.

he also finds her a little bit annoying, but nevertheless, it's all the same amount.

with no other words being said between them, [y/n] gives him a forced and fake smile, hoping that she doesn't make him feel guilty for not being able to help them, as she gently tugs on laura's hand to tell her that it's time for them to go.

as they walk further away, logan begins to wonder if he made a mistake — for not agreeing to help them.

after all, it's always been a first instinct and part of his nature to help and protect people. or at least, when he had been part of the x-men team.

—————

THE NEXT TIME THEY MEET, it's a few days later — after logan, charles, and caliban had been attacked by the group called alkali-transigen for the second time.

caliban had been captured by this group, while logan and charles were able to escape in logan's crappy limo-like car.

the two men had found laura and [y/n] sitting in an alley. laura was fast asleep, lying her head on the older woman's shoulder.

[y/n] shivers, tugging the tiny blanket further over laura's sleeping form as the sound of the limo pulls up near the entrance.

worried that they're found again by the cruel men that just wouldn't leave them alone, [y/n] cautiously pops open an eye, brows furrowing. she leans forward, trying to get a better look.

but, she stops suddenly as she notices logan stepping out of his car, confusion filled on his face. "logan? w—what are you doing here?"

"kid, why didn't you tell me that you guys didn't have anywhere else to go?" he asks her once he gets to the actual entrance of the alley.

she shrugs, sitting up now as she tries to ignore the cold weather. "i could tell you didn't want to be bothered. i thought it would've just been easier if i lied." she murmurs, stopping completely as laura begins to stir a bit in her sleep.

once the young girl has stopped moving in her sleep completely, [y/n] impulsively decides to move to stand up, in order to give the young girl all the room she needs.

so, within a few cautious and quiet seconds, she slowly moves herself away and moves laura to the side, before placing her jacket under her head to use as a pillow.

with a prolonged, nervous sigh, [y/n] then takes in a relieved inhale as the little girl falls right back to sleep without any further disturbance.

"you know, if i knew you guys had nowhere else to go... " logan trails off when she turns to finally face him.

with another sigh leaving her, [y/n] lightly grabs onto his arm — in which, who flinches for more than a second — before leading him over to the front of his parked car.

"look, logan. we both know that you probably would have still said no." she murmurs, making sure to keep an eye on laura every few seconds while speaking with him.

logan sighs, knowing that she is right — no matter how many times he wishes to believe otherwise.

but, there's also another part of him that knows that he would probably help her and laura in a heartbeat, if he weren't growing slowly weak every day. but, he is — it both slows him down and makes it hard for him to help them to his full potential.

he opens his mouth to say something, but charles, who'd rolled down his window from inside the car before and heard the twos' conversation, interrupts him, "logan, they need our help — we should help them."

with a small smile almost curving onto her lips, [y/n] sighs. she knows that she can't just drag him and logan into this. it just wouldn't be fair.

"no, please. it's really alright. i don't want to put you guys in this complicated situation." she murmurs, just as laura stirs again in her sleep.

charles shrugs his shoulder, as if he wouldn't mind if they got dragged into it. but, then again, he's never been one to turn down the chance to help others when they need it.

"really, guys... it's okay. laura and i will manage on our own." she murmurs as she turns to walk back over to the little girl and gently and carefully pick her up.

as she faces them and walks back over to logan with laura still in her arms, covered up in both [y/n]'s jacket and blanket, logan furrows his brows. "are you sure?"

the concern in his voice shocks her, but she waves it off as him just trying to be polite. "y—yeah. we'll be fine." she nods, gulping down her pride as she lies through her teeth, once again.

in a way, she's grateful that he'd said earlier that he couldn't help her and the girl. i mean, [y/n] is the type of person to deal with her own issues and problems by herself, instead of choosing to burden people with them — her words, not mine.

her going to logan for help was really just a moment of weakness. she was desperate — only wanting to do whatever she could to try every possibility that would protect laura and get them anywhere safe.

truthfully, the main reason why she's lying to them about really needing their help, is the fact that she feels guilty — it's already obvious that logan feels regretful that he didn't agree to help them.

and guilt-tripping them — mostly logan — that was never her intention. so, if she has to lie to make him feel better about the situation, then that's what she's going to do.

"you don't have to lie, [y/n]. there's nothing wrong with admitting when you need help." charles tells her from his side of the open window.

the young woman mentally slaps her hand to her forehead in irritation over forgetting that the extremely older man is psychic.

she stutters, hating that she can't hide the truth from them. "i... i just don't want to be a burden. and... i don't know what i'd do if either of you got seriously hurt because you guys decided to help us — everyone gets hurt when they get involved with me."

with a relentless sigh, logan simply nods to the car. "we'll figure it out, okay? just get in."

she hesitates for a moment, wondering if dragging them into this mess is really the right answer.

after all, she knows that if either of them gets hurt — in any way — because of her, she'll never forgive herself.

but, as laura recklessly jumps down from [y/n]'s arms, causing a shocked gasp to leave her, and runs over to the other door opposite of the one charles is sitting behind, she sighs.

both [y/n] and logan share a look of a tiny bit of amusement.

with a tired yawn, she shrugs her shoulder, knowing that she won't be able to change the little girl's mind now as she opens the door and slides in.

"i... guess laura would like to take you guys up on that offer. so, i'm not really in a place to say no now." she mutters as logan leads her to the front of the car.

if only they had known all the bigger trouble they'd all have to endure in the future, all because they allowed the possibility of helping them become a reality.

—————

AFTER MANY DIFFERENT NIGHTS OF passing through different towns, logan finally stops at a gas station that's in the middle of nowhere.

[y/n] follows laura over to one of the electric horses, while logan and charles stay back in the car. as she leads laura up and over the horse to sit down, [y/n] places some quarters into the machine.

"there you go," she murmurs, giving the younger girl a warm smile. "now, i'm going inside to use the bathroom. i'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

the girl silently nods as [y/n] hesitates to leave her alone.

but, nevertheless, after realizing that, not only are they all in the clear — for now — but logan and charles will surely watch her for a few minutes, while she's in the bathroom.

with the positive thoughts swirling around in her head, [y/n] finally walks over to the door, before walking inside.

after asking the person at the front of the store where the bathroom is, he points in the direction of where it is, and [y/n] races off in that direction in a hurry as she really needs to use the bathroom.

the young woman tries to pee as fast as she can, considering that they're all still on the run and practically fugitives at this point.

then, as she walks over to the sink, she rinses off and washes her hands. but, as she sees all the blood — from the previous days of running into trouble with the group that had started all of this — dried up on both her hands, arms, and face, panic begins to quickly sink in.

to protect laura, [y/n] had to take extra precautions and do whatever she could, to do just that.

not only had she been injured, but she had also had to do two things she'd always said she'd never do — learn how to shoot guns and really any other weapons, all the while also having to take some lives.

it was self-defense, of course. but, still.

the guilt and trauma she's endured because of the fact that she's killed some people... well, it's taken too much of a toll on her.

all she kept thinking was, how can i live with myself, after all the things i've done?

she still thinks this as she tensely and harshly tries to scrub all the blood away.

[y/n] has always dealt with self-image issues and her internal hatred for herself — especially, with growing up in the toxic household that she had as a kid. but, this? it's extra new and multiplied now.

shaky breaths and unshed tears escape her as she looks up at herself in the mirror this time.

but, just before the negative thoughts can become any worse, there's a knock on the bathroom door.

[y/n]'s head snaps up in the direction of the door, more panic filling her. "just a minute!" she yells to the person on the other side of the door as she tries to scrub harder to get the blood off.

her breaths become more panicked as logan's voice speaks up from outside. "[y/n], i'm coming in."

her eyes widen in both surprise and shock. as the door slowly opens, she panics and turns around, so that she's leaning against the sink and is hiding her hands behind her back.

just as he walks inside, [y/n] lets out a shaky, "h—hey. is everyone... ready to go?"

however, logan doesn't reply to her. he only steps closer to her as he crosses his arms over his chest with confusion swirling around in his eyes. "what's going on? did something happen?"

she abruptly shakes her head, dipping her head down to avoid showing any weakness. "everything's f—fine."

"don't lie to me. what's going on?" he asks her once more, stepping even closer to her, to the point of them only being a few inches away from each other.

with a sigh of defeat, [y/n] shakily pulls her hands out from behind her back. "i... i can't get the blood off — their blood. it won't come off." she whispers shakily.

he frowns, stepping even closer to her.

the young woman's breath catches in her throat as the space between them decreases by every passing second.

though, the concerned look in his eyes scares [y/n].

as someone who's never experienced someone worrying about her and her well-being in her entire life, just the thought of someone actually taking care of her, terrifies her, to be completely honest.

they stare at each other for a long moment, before logan slowly reaches for a paper towel and moves over closer to one of the sinks and turns it on to run the paper towel through some water. then, he brings the towel back to her and starts to gently scrub her hands and arms.

within a few minutes, he has successfully gotten the blood off of her hands, arms, and face. as he throws the paper towel away, her gaze softens as he steps away from her to give her her space.

"t—thank you." she murmurs raspily, trying to act as if she hadn't let him see her in such a vulnerable state.

he simply nods hesitantly, now stuck in his thoughts.

when they had first met, he — no matter how many times he's tried to ignore it — had become just slightly curious about her.

but, now? he can't help but find himself completely consumed with the feeling of concern and curiosity over her.

after another long moment of them just looking at one another, [y/n] finally snaps herself out of her daze, shaking her head in silent embarrassment. "i... i think i'm going to find laura and get back to the car. i think i've been in here long enough, right?" she tries to crack a joke, desperately needing to change the subject.

logan nods once more, before motioning to the door as he waits for her to leave first.

once she's officially out of the bathroom and through the hall, he follows after her.

though, before either of them can actually leave the building, both adults find them watching a very shocking scene playing before them.

laura has her claws grown out of her skin, and she holds down the current worker of the small gas station, an angry look placed on her face.

"oh, god..." [y/n] trails off, sharing a similar expression with logan.

as the young girl yells out, [y/n] snaps her head towards that direction and her eyes widen in shock and surprise.

then, she races over to the two of them, and gently pulls laura away from the man. her grasp immediately falls away from the man's when [y/n]'s gentle touch connects with her body.

"laura!" she murmurs in a slight lecturing tone, though it's still gentle. "you can't do stuff like that. you can't hurt innocent people, okay? you understand me?"

after a moment, the little girl finally nods and in a matter of seconds, her claws retract back into the skin of her knuckles.

[y/n] sighs in relief, before leading her back to the car, while logan stays inside for a few more minutes.

later that night, they arrive at a hotel. both [y/n] and laura fall fast asleep the second they reach their bed.

logan, however, struggles to stay asleep.

—————

SHE WAKES UP IN THE middle of the night, breathless gasps and hyperventilating breaths leaving her.

as she continues to struggle to breathe, she notices the little girl, who’s lying beside her, is still fast asleep. 

she runs a shaky hand through her slightly knotted up and greasy hair as her heart begins to beat faster than ever and her breaths become much more panicked. 

if only she didn’t have that nightmare — of all the lives she’s taken to protect laura. it’s a relentless, repetitive terrifying dream that she has been having almost every night, ever since it happened.

with another moment of her panicking state becoming much more worse, she shakily and quietly — as much as she can — takes off her blanket and rushes off in the direction of the bathroom. 

too buried deep in her panicked thoughts and the flashbacks that the nightmare has provided for her, she doesn’t even notice the wolverine sitting in the other room that leads to the bathroom.

she only stumbles into the bathroom and quietly shuts the door. 

as she slides down the door, she doesn’t even realize that the light is still off. she’s only focused on trying to not go into full panic mode, or worse, slip off of the edge and begin to have a panic attack. 

but, it’s quite too late for that.

she’s already slipping and losing all of her control over her breathing. another painful and breathless sob leaves her lips and her head falls to lean against the door as she clenches her eyes shut. 

the tears fall carelessly down her cheeks and she cries out in frustration. god, she hates crying. it has always made her feel weak.

she shakily stands up as she quickly flicks the light switch on. but, as she looks into the mirror and sees her wrecked appearance, another shaky breath escapes her lips. 

[y/n]’s brows furrow and more tears cloud her eyes.

then, out of nowhere, she slams her hands down onto the counter repeatedly. the loathing hatred she feels for herself grows and grows by every passing second. 

more tears blur her vision, the shaky breaths still leaving her lips.

though, before she can panic even more, there’s a light knock on the other side of the door. 

“kid? everything okay in there?” logan’s voice calls out through the door and it — fortunately — snaps [y/n] out of her panicked daze. at least, for the moment. 

“w—what?” she stutters out in an answer to his question. she holds her breath as she waits for him to say what he wants to.

“are you okay?” 

the tone of concern shocks [y/n] as she chokes on her answer, “y—yeah, i’m… uh, i’m fine.” 

there’s only silence for the first few minutes. but then, suddenly, the door knob is being turned and logan is slowly entering.

he shuts the door behind him as he turns to face her with crossed arms and a look as if to say, 'i know you’re not fine'.

“i know you’re lying. why can’t you sleep?”

she stays silent, eyes falling to the floor as she leans against the counter. 

“well?” he asks, causing her to snap her head back up at him.

“it’s nothing… i—” she abruptly cuts herself off, inhaling deeply. she dips her head down in shame as she tries to calm herself down.

"i just... had another nightmare. that's all." she mumbles as she lifts her head back up to look at him.

he sighs with a nod. "do you wanna talk about it?" he asks, not being able to help but feel a little worried about her.

as she notices this look on his face, something in her brings her butterflies. [y/n] gulps nervously, before shaking her head.

despite, trusting him now — a bit more than she had before — she just can't let him in, yet. and she knows that he can understand that more than anyone else.

he nods.

silence fills the room as they stare at each other with different emotions consuming them.

while logan still feels a bit worried about her well-being, [y/n] watches him with a wary expression, trying to figure him out.

"well, um... thank you — for checking in on me. but, i promise, i'm okay," she murmurs, anxiously running a hand through her tangled-up hair. "i'm always okay."

despite, [y/n] sounding really genuine, logan doesn't believe her for a second. but, he doesn't say anything about it.

after another moment of complete silence, [y/n] clears her throat. "well... i should go back to bed." she says, nodding to the door, causing logan to snap out of his own concerned thoughts.

he nods and drops his arms from his chest, before moving to twist the doorknob and pulls the door open.

he lets her pass him as she hurries back to her and laura's bed.

though, as she lies back down and stares at the hotel room’s ceiling, a soft smile finds it's way to her lips as she remembers how concerned about her he's been acting lately.

she may not still completely trust him.

but, for him to grow concerned for her? that's quite a big development on his part.

[y/n] falls asleep with that same smile on her lips.

—————

SHE SLEEPS A LOT BETTER. so much so that she sleeps through the entirety of the next day.

the only time where she actually wakes up, is when — while logan went off to find a better car for them, since the limo's already been seriously damaged — a few men, who were sent from the psychopath that's been hunting both [y/n] and laura in the first place, showed up at the hotel room.

unfortunately, right when she does wake up, charles begins to have a seizure. it not only stops the bad men from harming laura, but it also does the same for everyone else.

the entire process is especially more harmful to [y/n], considering that she's only human, after all.

lucky for her, logan arrives soon after, taking care of some of the men, before laura assists with giving him charles' shot that's supposed to help with the seizures.

once charles has officially calmed down, [y/n] takes in a deep breath.

but, as she stands up, she loses her balance, when her legs give out, taking much more of a hit than anyone could've anticipated.

she lets out a groan as she clutches her head in pain, suddenly being hit with a wave of throbbing pain.

as she continues to struggle to deal with the pain, both laura and logan watch her in worry.

while logan turns to face charles, who wears a very regretful expression, and gives him a pointed glance, laura races over to [y/n] and silently worries about her.

as she tries to breathe through the pain, she notices the little girl's presence near her and decides to place her now sweaty hands over hers, in order to calm her down.

"it's... okay — i'm okay. i promise." her voice comes out in a croaky whisper as she begins to slowly stand up.

surprise flashes in her eyes as she notices the crazy amount of concern and worry in logan's eyes.

he steps forward to help her, but she holds up a hand, before he can get any closer.

"don't worry about me. i'm fine." she murmurs, trying to ignore the pain that is still consuming her body.

logan raises a single brow at her, challenging her to tell the truth as he notices her wince in further-more pain. "you sure about that? because you don't look like you're okay." he steps forward once more.

before she can answer him, her head throbs, once more.

it causes her to stop completely and dip her head down in pain as she presses her hand to her forehead.

"[y/n]?" he calls out as he steps closer her, the rest of the people in the room becoming much more concerned for her as she sighs shakily.

"i..." she trails off breathlessly as she begins to feel so much more light-headed and becomes a bit nauseous. "i don't understand why it's like this... "

"like what?"

"why it hurts so much..." she whispers as her legs finally give out and everything goes dark.

—————

THE MOMENT SHE WAKES, SHE notices that she's no longer inside the hotel room they were in before she'd passed out.

she begins to panic after realizing that she doesn't recognize the room she's been currently sleeping in for god knows how long.

her heart beat picks up in a fast pace as she looks around in confusion and stress.

though, before she can actually find herself in a worse panicking state, the door of the room slowly opens.

as soon as she realizes that it's logan, [y/n] sighs in relief. "thank god." she whispers to herself as he slowly shuts the door behind him, before walking over to the bed she's currently lying on.

"you alright? you know, you look really stressed right now." he asks as he sits down on the edge of the bed, eyebrows already furrowing together in concern.

she sputters once more, glancing around the room again, before turning back to face him.

"w—where are we? i don't recognize this room... and it's honestly stressing me out. especially, since the last time i was awake, it was inside the hotel room and now i'm here — where i don't recognize anything." she rambles, furrowing her brows as she tries to catch her breath from talking so much.

he chuckles in amusement, before shaking his head at her in response.

"doll, you don't need to worry or stress about that. the explanation is pretty simple," he states as she waits for him to go on.

"after you passed out from what happened in the hotel room with charles and all those men, we had to leave to ensure that that group didn't get to you and laura. so, we left and ended up helping this family and they've offered to let us stay here for the night. we'll be leaving early in the morning, alright?"

after hearing his explanation, she sighs in relief. “oh… okay. that makes sense.”

he nods, staying silent as he stares at her with an expression filled with worry and concern — something that’s become a very familiar look lately. especially, when it comes to her. 

in the past — maybe today, even — he would've told anyone that he would never fall in love again, or even, in this situation, at least, grow genuine, protective instincts and to care for another person.

and when you have the type of haunting past — like he does — it's understandable.

[y/n], sensing his eyes on her, looks up, brows furrowing.

she tilts her head to the side in confusion, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"w—what?" she stutters out nervously, quickly beginning to wonder what's going on inside of his troubled head.

logan tries his best to shake the feelings and new — for him, anyways — thoughts away. "nothing." he mumbles, clearing his throat and cutting off the new moment between them.

it's quiet for a moment, before the door opens, only to reveal both laura and charles.

once laura realizes that the older woman is now awake, relief floods to her face, before she's racing over to the bed and crushing [y/n] into a bone-tight hug.

"oof!" she lets out, trying to ignore just how tight the little girl is hugging her as she hugs her back.

after a second, she laughs in a form of appreciation — she's never felt so loved before, considering how she was treated as a growing child.

"i promise i'm okay. and i will be for a very long time — you never have to worry about losing me. okay?" she murmurs quietly, before the younger girl finally pulls away from her with a protective look shining in her eyes.

"she was quite worried for you." charles says from his place, sat in his wheelchair.

[y/n] nods, feeling guilty for making her worry as a frown takes over the place on her lips.

"and... i'm terribly sorry for putting you in that situation and putting your life in danger." he continues, his facial expression obviously filled with only regret and guilt.

the young woman's face quickly becomes confused.

"oh, charles... that wasn't your fault. and i don't blame you for it." she states in a soft voice, sending him an appreciative smile.

the wolverine scoffs, as if he doesn't quite share the same opinion as her.

his tone of voice is bitter as he speaks again, making how he feels known, "maybe you should."

[y/n] tilts her head to the side in further confusion. "what? how could this be his fault? it can't be his fault, if he can't control when it happens." she says, quickly coming to the eldest man's defense.

"i mean... you can't possibly believe that he wants to hurt anyone. and having these moments of out-of-control seizures can hurt them."

logan only rolls his eyes. "whatever." he mutters, not wanting to argue with her, before he glances towards the door.

"we should go check and see if they've finished making dinner yet." he mumbles as laura hurries to help [y/n] out of the bed.

she chuckles, before shaking her head.

"it's okay, sweetheart. i'm okay to walk." she murmurs softly as the little girl simply nods silently in understanding.

as [y/n] makes her way over to the door, limping and wincing every few seconds, logan, charles, and laura watch in clear concern, but she only ignores it.

she doesn't want to be any more of a victim — not anymore.

her only fate is to be able to protect laura and get her across the border — that's all she's going to be.

logan backs up, pulling charles with him as he keeps a good grip on the handles of the chair, while [y/n] slowly and eventually pulls the door open.

with an excited smile, she turns to them with a hand motioning towards the open doorway and backs away, in order for them to get through. "here we go!"

laura claps excitedly as logan pushes the old telepath through.

as soon as they're out and making their way into the kitchen, [y/n] and laura walk through the doorway and follow after them.

laura lets go of [y/n]'s hand as soon as she gets to her chair, practically throwing herself into it in pure excitement.

the older woman inhales nervously, becoming a little anxious about meeting these seemingly nice folks for the first time.

she lifts her hand up and into the air, giving them a small wave.

"hi. um, i'm [y/n]," she nervously says, nodding towards laura.

"i'm laura's mother." she explains further as the brunette woman laughs and waves her shyness off.

"it's so nice to officially meet you — laura's spoken so highly of you. i'm glad you're doing a lot better than before." she kindly says, nodding to an empty seat, the one next to where logan is now sitting.

[y/n] takes in a deep breath as logan still continues to watch her every move in clear worry, before she takes the seat and sends the much older woman a warm smile.

"thank you. yes, i'm doing and feeling a lot better now."

after the family says their grace, logan and [y/n] glance at one another, not even realizing how much they seem to be looking at each other.

as laura begins to eat — quite messily, too, might i add — logan steps in with a frown and a glare.

he reaches over with his hand and taps her shoulder to get her attention.

then, he gives her her fork, quickly motioning for her to use it properly.

seeing this herself, [y/n] giggles, only finding amusement in watching her.

"i'm... so sorry about laura. as you can clearly see, we're still trying to teach her how to have proper manners."

hearing the 'we' part of her statement, logan gives a gruff agreement, quickly realizing that the woman is going for the wife-and-husband-with-their-daughter cover.

though, it's quite obvious that both adults are their own versions of flushed over the idea of them actually being together — or being a couple.

the older couple simply waves it off, not being ones to judge.

after all, all families are different, right?

though, as laura starts pouring big, big loads of food onto her plate, logan has to interfere, obviously. again.

"there's plenty more, if she'd like some more." katherine offers, nodding over to the younger girl, who's now glaring and pouting at logan.

he shakes his head, mumbling that she's had more than enough.

[y/n] can't help but let a small laugh escape her.

but, after realizing how childish she must seem in the moment, her eyes widen in shock over her own impulsive action, and then clasps her hands over her mouth to keep anything else from escaping.

the famous wolverine stops frowning at laura, only to turn to look over at [y/n] with a raised brow as a response to her childishness.

she laughs again, at the look placed on his face.

after all the time they've spent together — and obviously, the feelings that have shifted between them — she can't take him seriously. not anymore, at least.

although he looks like he's just about ready to lecture her, she knows deep down that he couldn't get mad at her over something so minor.

and another part of her just hopes that maybe he feels the same about her that she feels for him and that he couldn't bear to be angry at her for that long.

logan glares at her once more, though it's more playful than anything else.

as she notices everyone watching their seemingly normal exchange, [y/n] clears her throat as her face instantly turns beat-red at the attention they're receiving.

"uh, sorry." she genuinely apologizes to katherine and her husband.

katherine laughs herself as laura and charles join in. "there's no need to apologize. i think you and james make quite the couple."

[y/n]'s face heats up, once more, at the compliment. "o—oh, thank you." she stutters nervously, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear as logan's gaze catches hers.

this time, though, their eye contact is very much different than any of the others they've shared — this one gives off both admiration and genuine care over the other.

charles, however, decides to cut the moment short, after noticing the pair of adults' undeniable connection, when he accidentally hears both of their own thoughts.

[y/n] is not only flushed on the outside, but also on the inside — she wonders anxiously if anything could ever happen between them, or if it's just her that feels this way.

and logan? well, he's trying to act like she doesn't have a single effect on him at all — he's trying to stay professional about this all and fight against how he truly feels.

a small smirk tugs at the psychic's lips, before he breaks the silence, "yes, my son and [y/n] truly do make quite a great couple — they're actually quite perfect for each other."

[y/n]'s face turns even redder — if that's even possible — while logan glares at the side of charles' face.

but, after a moment, both logan and [y/n] realize that the rest of the family — and charles and laura — are watching them carefully and closely.

"yeah, we are perfect for each other. i'm just happy to be with him and to have laura and charles — this family means everything to me." the young woman states, no lies evident in her tone of voice — she speaks the truth in her words, even if it's all just for a cover that won't be permament.

something in logan changes when he hears her truthful words, a small smile — a grateful one — appearing on his lips as he stares at only her with a gentle look in his eyes.

without another thought, he nods and says his own version of the truth, despite the fact that he hasn't wanted to get attached to either her or laura, in the first place, "you know i feel the same, sweetheart."

his tone of voice comes out gruff, but [y/n] senses the truth in it and smile at him as she places one of her hands over his.

they both fall into the moment, completely forgetting about everyone else, almost as if the entire world falls away, when it's just them.

katherine smiles at them with admiration.

"you know how i know you two are truly perfect for each other?" she asks, breaking the moment between them as they glance over at her in confusion.

"you look at each other like you're the other's world — and that's true love." she continues as [y/n] laughs nervously, before murmuring a 'thanks'.

logan watches her once more, before katherine's husband asks where they're heading after this.

he snaps himself out of his daze as both he and charles reply with completely different locations.

"uh," logan starts, but [y/n] laughs and cuts the two men off, "sorry. apparently, there's been some miscommunication!" she laughs once more, trying to make a joke out of it.

katherine laughs with her.

"are you guys going on some kind of extended-vacation?"

after a moment, [y/n] nods, choosing to just go with it. "we're going to be going to both oregon and south dakota."

charles nods along with her.

"yes, it's a very long overdue vacation," he pauses as both logan and [y/n] nod in agreement. "we're city folk — always wanted to see the country. and meet the people in it."

logan watches the exchange, noticing how comfortable both charles and [y/n] are about speaking about a vacation.

needless to say, they all deserve a vacation — away from all the complicated situations they've been in lately.

"that's lovely." katherine nods in agreement as everyone continues to eat.

"i've been trying to get will here to take a vacation for years—"

will interrupts, quickly bringing up that they'd not be able to take care of their property, if they went on vacation.

katherine replies to this by telling him they need to sell the property.

[y/n] laughs at their interaction, never before seeing an actual healthy couple before — her parents, after all, didn't have a healthy relationship at all.

they continue to argue, before their son interrupts them, "i could drop out of school!"

"let's not go that far." katherine says to him seriously as he just laughs it off.

"i mean, i'll do it."

"no."

"why not?"

something in logan's face changes as he watches the normal family exchange between them all.

his gaze goes over to laura, something changing immediately.

[y/n] notices this and smiles, hoping that he truly does care about her and laura, like she hopes he does.

"now, why would you want to do that, nate?" charles asks genuinely and [y/n] can't help it as she lets out a giggle.

"you might want to be careful with answering that question, nate. charles here, was a professor that ran a very important school." she announces in an amused tone of voice.

"a lot of years, right, charles?" logan asks, finding some entertainment in this topic of conversation, as well.

charles waves him off, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

though, just as he begins to agree politely, [y/n] begins to experience some more sharp pains in her head.

this time, though, it's much more extreme than before.

then, she's suddenly pushing back from the chair as she stands up, catching everyone's now concerned looks.

"i... i'm sorry. i think... i need to lie down — it seems that i'm still having some headaches." she murmurs in an embarrassed tone as she starts to sway slightly and her eyesight gets blurry and splotchy.

logan immediately stands up, becoming much more worried than before.

he places a hand over her back and the other on her shoulder as she begins to groan in pain — she's never felt headaches this bad before.

"i'm going to help her get back upstairs." he announces, not caring if he seems rude, his attention completely on the young woman in pain.

"yes, you should," katherine agrees, after standing up and placing her hand up to [y/n]'s forehead.

she frowns at how warm she is. "she's burning up. she really should lie down — maybe, just for a little bit, or until y'all leave tomorrow morning."

logan doesn't say anything in response. though, he understands what she's saying and is mentally agreeing himself.

[y/n] gulps guiltily, both feeling bad for all of the issues her health is causing and because she really doesn't understand why she's been in so much pain recently.

for only a moment, she leans her head against logan's chest, the sudden nausea becoming way too much for her in the moment.

logan, not quite expecting such an open and vulnerable action from her, breathes in a deep breath as he allows the physical contact. only because it's her.

"alright," he suddenly says, wrapping one of his arms around her waist and turning to face katherine.

"i'll be back to help laura and charles to bed." he states, nodding to them, who've both stopped their eating to watch [y/n] in further concern — they all know that she's only been acting like she's fine, but they didn't expect everything to get worse for her.

[y/n] barely acknowledges anything after that — the pain she feels is just too distracting for her to hear the worry in logan's voice, or to see the concern everyone in the room holds for her.

though, as logan brings her into his arms — bridal style — and walks them up the stairs, she lets out a barely containable cry.

this causes his eyebrows to furrow together in both concern and confusion. "what's wrong, doll?"

she cries again, hating how worried he is for her.

"i... i hate this... " she says through her heavy breaths that match with her small cries.

"hate what?"

"this — being so pathetic and weak of a human being that i can't even make it through the night." she mumbles, but he hears her completely, considering of how close they are.

"sweetheart—" he begins to say, knowing where this conversation is going, just as they reach the doorway of the room that she'd slept in before.

but, she interrupts him, "—no."

as her voice comes out in emotional stutters, she forces herself out of his arms as carefully as she can.

as soon as she's standing, she begins to feel light-headed again.

"[y/n]—" he says again as he notices that same sick-to-her-stomach expression on her face.

"no... i can't do this." she whispers shakily as a bunch of strands of her hair falls over her face.

though, honestly? this small little detail is something that she could care less about.

logan frowns, not sure of what she means. "what do you mean by that? can't do what?"

she lets out a slightly unhinged laugh as she shakes her head.

"i can't help laura... if i can't even survive," she mutters, taking in a deep breath as she leans against the doorway.

logan tilts his head to the side in concern for her.

he waits for her to continue, knowing that she's not going to stop until she gets what she needs to say out.

"i mean, this behavior isn't fucking normal for me! i have never had these types of issues before, when it comes to my health. this is all happening so suddenly, and i can't understand why."

"you know it could easily just be stress. you've been so worried about the kid and charles lately. i'm sure everything is fine." logan says, stepping forward to help her into the room.

she doesn't budge for a moment, not ready to accept that this is her life now.

she ducks her head down as he places a hand over her shoulder, her bottom lip quickly becoming harshly pulled in between her teeth. her eyebrows raise as tears blur her eyesight very quickly.

"c'mon. let's get you to bed, alright?" he murmurs, trying to stay patient with her, knowing that she's been going through an awful lot in the past few weeks — maybe, even longer.

i mean, logan can't know for sure how many months she's been with laura. or if she's been going through all this trauma, long before she ever met the little girl.

and it's not like he's forgotten about the guilt and anxiety she's been experiencing lately because of the people she's had to kill, in order to protect laura, who she's grown to love and see as her own daughter.

"logan... " she trails off as she finally, finally looks him in the eye with fear in her eyes for the first time ever.

"what if i can't protect her? w—what happens... if something happens to me and i can't keep her safe?" she whispers tremblingly, some of the tears escaping her eyes and sliding down to her cheeks.

normally, she'd be embarrassed to let anyone see her like this — like she's pathetic or weak.

but, this is logan.

he's been much more vulnerable than anyone she's ever known.

also, the fact that he could never judge her for being terrified when he's felt so much worse than her.

this time, though, he stops in place. he no longer tries to get her to the bed.

especially, when he sees the scared look placed on her face, and just how vulnerable she's allowing herself to be with him — even though, she'd never do that with anyone else.

"what are you saying?"

"let's just face it, logan. i'm... obviously getting sick — or something. i don't know what it is, but something is happening to me. and i don't think i'll survive it. which means... " she trails off as she takes in a deep inhale of shaky breaths, trying to accept what she's saying — she needs to make peace with it.

"which means what?" he questions her in a harsh tone of voice, obviously not liking where this conversation is heading.

"it means that i don't have long. and we've barely even gotten to where we need to be, in order for laura to cross the border. i can't help her if i'm dead, logan — you know that." she finally spits out what she's been secretly thinking.

a dark look fills his eyes as he shakes his head, jaw clenching impossibly hard.

"no. i don't know that — we don't know that. you don't know that you're going to die." his statement is spit out in a negative tone of voice, showing that he refuses to believe that it's true.

maybe, it's because he has found himself growing to care for her — way more than he ever planned to.

after all, she and laura aren't strangers to him — not anymore.

"logan, i know... t—that you don't want to hear this." she starts, still leaning against the doorway, clenching her eyes shut and taking in a deep breath at the thought of what she has to say next.

"i know how much pain and loss you've experienced. and i wish and hope that you don't have to experience it... ever again. but, we have to face the facts."

now, she opens her eyes and looks up at him again with more tears spilling.

"and the fact is... i might die. and if i do — whether that's from what my body is experiencing right now, or getting myself killed — i need you to promise me that you'll do right by laura."

he grunts, growing more frustrated and annoyed by the second.

it's obvious — and understandable — that he does not want to have this conversation right now.

or ever, actually.

"she's your daughter — whether you can accept it or not. you are her parent. maybe... even more than i am. after all, i'm just a woman who cares for her and sees her as my child — even when she isn't. but, you, logan... you are her father — you both share the same dna and pain."

he stays silent after hearing this, however.

even if he has so many things to say to her, he doesn't say it, because he knows that she has more she wants to say.

"you have a chance with her. she's not too far gone — she can be better. and you can teach her how to be. but, you have to protect her and get to that border — no matter what happens. she needs a normal and healthy life, where she isn't treated like a weapon." she says, gulping down her pride as she readies herself to say her next choice of words.

"and... of course i want nothing more than to be right there with you guys, when she gets to have the better life she deserves," she states, pausing as that life flashes in the back of her mind.

but, as it disappears, just as fast as it came, she sighs and blinks away the tears. "but, that might not happen. no matter how much i want that future, i have to accept that it might not happen. and... i need you to give her that, okay? she needs a different life than this. she is only a child — one that doesn't deserve to be hunted down like an animal and killed because they think they can't control her. she deserves better than that."

[y/n] forces a smile to her lips.

"she needs you, logan. and i need you to promise me that you'll do what i ask of you — for her sake." she finishes as more tears fall.

he's silent for a moment. but, the anger and denial is quite clear and evident on his face.

noticing this, she steps forward, despite the nausea and pounding of her head that she still feels. "loga—"

"no!" he yells suddenly as his eyes meet hers.

she jumps slightly, worry filling her as she notices the raw emotions swirling around in his eyes.

"no. we're not having this conversation, alright? you're not dying. so, stop with this damn martyr act." he tells her harshly, trying to ignore her hurt expression.

it's a few moments, filled with complete silence and tension slowly building up in the air.

though, logan doesn't care.

or maybe, that's just what he wants it to seem like as he gently grabs onto her waist and side again, silently helping her over to the bed.

they don't exchange any words as he helps her get under the covers, before walking over to the door.

though, before he can shut the door behind him and leave her to her overwhelming emotions and thoughts, she calls out to him, "logan."

he turns to face her, keeping his face stoic as he looks at her in question.

"i want her to sleep in here — just this once." she mumbles shakily, refusing to look him in the eyes.

he silently nods, before walking out and shutting the door, needing to get out of there before he suffocates in that room with her extremely hurt expression.

—————

SHE WAKES UP TO SCREAMS of terror filling the entire house.

[y/n] immediately throws her body up as she lets out a gasp, searching the dark room.

but, she knows that scream — laura.

with a protective instinct towards the little girl, the slightly weak woman stumbles out of the bed and continues to struggle to get out of the room.

once she has the door open, she races into the hall, following the sounds of laura's whimpers and screams, only to find her lying down on the floor of the room that charles had recently fallen asleep in.

"laura? what's going o—?" she starts to question, not quite seeing the full scene of the bedroom.

but, when she does, she sputters and gasps as she takes in the bloody scene before her and the robot-like man that looks way too familiar for her liking.

laura races over to [y/n], hiding behind her as the older woman continues to watch in shock and hurt as charles continues to lose more and more blood by every passing second.

"charles... " [y/n] whispers as tears fall down to her cheeks, not wanting to leave him to bleed out, but also needing to protect laura, who's shaking in fear from behind her.

"it's okay, darling. get laura somewhere safe."

"what? i—" [y/n] wants to say no, but the murderous glint in the enemy's eyes causes her to slowly back away, before turning to laura and kneeling down.

"sweetheart, go find logan. tell him what happened and you tell him to take you with him and get the hell away from here, okay?" she tells her hurriedly, ignoring the pang in her heart at the fact that this is going to be the last time they will ever see each other.

laura cries out, shaking her head and refusing to leave her as tears flood her face. "n—no. i can't leave!"

despite, not saying it, it's clear to [y/n] that what laura's trying to tell her is that she can't leave her behind.

she nods, her cries barely containable as she dips her head as she struggles with her emotions.

but, when she hears his footsteps nearing them and she glances back to see him getting closer and closer to them, she pulls herself together and pushes her away from her.

"laura, go! i'll be fine — i promise." she tells her, despite the fact that she's only lying to protect her.

as the older woman begs her to go with just her pleading eyes, laura hesitates.

but, as [y/n] stands up and turns to face the monster behind them, laura hesitates once more, before turning and running down the steps and races out the front door that's wide open.

as soon as she realizes that the girl is safe and away from the violence, [y/n] spits in his face.

"you're not touching her, you psychotic bastard!" she yells, pulling out her knife — the one she always keeps hidden in a strap she has wrapped around her waist.

he only yells angrily and slaps her to the ground.

she cries out, before she looks back up at him, noticing that he's not done with her yet.

as she winces and pushes herself back further down the hall, he pulls out a needle connected to a tube with some type of scary-looking liquid inside of it.

then, he pulls her closer to him by one of her ankles and injects it into her neck, causing her to groan through the pain, before her body quickly becomes to grow weak.

in the next few moments, all she wants to do is close her eyes. she's just so damn cold and tired.

but, as he assumes that she's about to pass out and begins walking down the stairs in search of laura, [y/n] carefully — and struggles to — get up and stumbles her way down, determined to protect laura.

just as logan walks back and closer to the house from walking around with will — and encountering some complicated trouble — he finds laura, running out of the house with a look of terror swirling around in her eyes.

she heaves in a bunch of breaths as he stops her from running past him. "hey, hey. what's going on, kid?"

she simply shakes her head hurriedly, tears beginning to cloud up in her eyes. "charles, dead. [y/n] sacrificed herself." she bluntly says with an edge of fear, still not able to say complete sentences.

"dammit!" he mutters, realizing what she means and putting it all together, before he looks back down at her with his eyebrows knitted together in worry.

"where? where exactly?" he exclaims in question, trying to not take it out on her as fear and immense concern begins to fill his entire body.

laura only points back to the house. "upstairs."

without any hesitation, logan turns to will.

"watch her for me, will you? make sure she stays safe." he tells him, who nods in agreement — though, he's a little confused too — before he races inside and makes it to the stairs.

though, what he finds before him leaves him completely and utterly speechless; blood is trailing the floor of where charles was last, and [y/n] struggles to stand as she tries to fight the man that strangely looks exactly like logan.

"stay... the hell... away from her!" the young woman yells at him, her speech slightly slurred as she struggles to stay awake, trying — and failing — to fight him off.

after all, this is a stronger and much more powerful version of the famous wovlerine.

"[y/n]!" logan yells as he sees the obvious pain she's in, along with all of the injuries she now has — thanks to that lovely injection she's just started to experience.

she becomes distracted for a moment, her terrified and worried eyes catching his.

after she heard his voice call out for her, all she could think about is that this is the last time they'll see each other.

because she knows that she can't fight this very scary version of him, and logan just has to take laura and get the hell out of here, before either of them gets captured and killed — at least, that's what she knows.

but, the evil version of logan takes this moment of distraction to get the upper-hand on her; his claws grow out of in between his knuckles and forcefully thrusts them into her stomach.

blood spurts out of her mouth as it becomes even more extremely hard for her to stay awake.

not only is she currently fighting whatever the hell that syringe was that just got jammed into her neck, but now, she's being practically impaled by the evil-logan's claws.

more blood spills from her mouth and lips as she chokes on the air, trying to fight the pain she feels over all of this — she's only human, after all.

"[y/n]!" logan yells her name again. this time, though, both anger and worry is evident in his voice.

though, something in her makes her stop fighting the other logan — she knows that she’s going to die.

that's why her gaze finds logan's, who's just about ready to kick the other him's ass for hurting her — charles as well, too, obviously.

"get h—her... out of here. now... " she sputters, more blood spurting out of her mouth.

"please... she... s—she needs you!" she yells, trying to keep the evil logan-spawn distracted for as long as possible.

though, logan shakes his head, not being able to let her go.

"no. we're going to get out of this — i'm not letting you die."

but, evil-logan could care less about this romantic exchange between them as he kicks her body back to the ground and his claws slide out of her now wounded body.

then, without another word, he walks down the steps, giving the real logan a challenging look — trying to size him up, i suppose.

[y/n]'s vision goes blurry and soon enough, her eyes slowly close.

everything goes dark as she — this time — can't stay awake anymore. her body's just too damn tired.

—————

"I'M SORRY. THERE'S NOT MUCH i can do. whatever it was that was injected into her body... it's taking effect quite fast. i can't delay it, and i can't fix it." an unfamiliar voice says, waking the injured young woman from her long, long sleep.

"what do you mean you can't fix it? you're a doctor! this is what you do — you're supposed to save lives! why can't you save her?!" that familiar angry voice that she knows so well yells in utter frustration.

there's a pause, before the stranger speaks again, "i'm sorry. if this was a normal injury, sure, i could treat it. but, it's not," he states, as an annoyed grunt comes from logan, quickly causing him to continue. "frankly, i don't know how she's survived this long — she should've died the second she was injected with that mysterious liquid. but, what i can tell you, is that she's strong."

a sigh is heard, before he speaks again, his voice now filled with pity. "all you can do right now, is enjoy your time with her and make peace with the fact that she doesn't have much time left — before she's going to die."

hearing all of this isn't new to [y/n].

she suspected something else was going on — something that could very much result in killing her.

but, hearing the heartache and pain in logan's voice brings tears to her closed eyelids.

the doctor apologizes once more, before he leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

after another moment of silence, logan talks to the younger girl in the room, "it's okay — she's going to be okay. she's strong. she'll get through this."

though, the fact that he's lying to laura, in order to keep her from breaking down, doesn't sit well with [y/n].

"don't lie to her. she doesn't need things to be sugar-coated." she croaks out as she slowly opens her eyes.

she flinches from the bright light that hangs from the ceiling, before moving to sit up.

as she looks over to them, she notices the worry displayed on both of their faces.

but, the tear-stained cheeks of laura's concerns her the most.

laura doesn't need to tell [y/n] what she's feeling because she feels it just as much.

she nods in silent agreement, before opening her arms. "i know, baby. i know. c'mere." she murmurs, tears blurring her eyesight.

the little girl lets out a breathless sob and races into the older woman's arms, hugging her so tight, as if she's afraid that if she lets go, [y/n]'s going to disappear.

[y/n] sighs in relief, happy to have the girl near her, once again — she really did think that she was going to die on the munson property.

though, thinking back on that whole entire situation, [y/n] pulls away and looks over at logan for the first time.

she turns back to laura, giving her a sad smile.

"hey, why don't you go out to the waiting room, yeah? i need to talk to logan." she murmurs, her gaze finding his again, not being able to look away from him.

laura wordlessly nods and walks out, sensing that the two adults need some time alone.

as soon as she's gone, [y/n] clears her throat as she begins to dread asking the question that's been on her mind since she woke, just seconds ago.

though, before she can quite ask what she desperately feels that she needs to, he clears his throat as he steps closer to her.

"how are you feeling?" his voice comes out gruff, but also, filled with worry and hesitation.

"logan, that doesn't matter right now." she gulps as he rolls his eyes and throws his hands up in the air in clear frustration.

"of course it does! why do you always do this?" he questions, jaw clenched as he watches her flinch.

"do what?" she asks in a meek voice, trying to ignore the pang in her heart over how much he cares about her.

he sighs, regretting how harsh he was — he's acting just like he had that night, before everything had gotten worse.

"why do you treat yourself like you're expendable?"

[y/n] slumps in defeat, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth — like she's been doing repeatedly — and knawing over it in anxious nerves.

logan crosses his arms over his chest, raising a brow at her as he waits for her to answer him.

though, it doesn't come.

she simply stays silent, not sure of how to answer him.

i mean... how do you even answer a question like that?

it's hard to explain why she acts the way she does — especially, when it's tied to how she acts with herself — when it's all she's ever known, her entire life.

[y/n] has always been hard on herself, as well as being reckless with her life.

though, when she met laura, that all changed — she knows that she has to stay alive, in order to protect her.

but, that doesn't mean that she doesn't hate herself or have really unhealthy coping mechanisms. because she does — thanks to her family, of course.

"[y/n]." logan calls out, snapping her out of her dark thoughts.

her eyes snap up to meet his, shock filling them — she'd forgotten where she was for a mere moment.

"i... i—i don't know, okay? i'm just used to being this way." she stutters, not sure she wants to have this conversation with him anymore.

finally making up her mind, she stands up from the table she'd been lying on, minutes before.

she sways a bit, catching logan's attention further-more, but she shakes it off as she starts to walk past him.

"we don't need to talk about this right now, logan. we need to get laura across that border." she states shakily, though she tries to hide it, as she almost makes it past him.

but, logan, having been too worried about her for so long, grunts annoyedly and gently grasps her arm, just as she's about to brush past him.

"we're not going anywhere, until we talk about this." he states seriously as she freezes in place at his words.

she sighs, wishing he just didn't care this much in the moment.

"why? logan, laura is the most important thing right now — not having a therapy session." she mutters, not daring to turn around and look at him, fearing that she will break down and spill everything to him, once she looks him in the eyes.

"you need to talk about this, sweetheart. if you don't, it's going to get you killed. and you can't afford that when you need to be there for laura."

she rolls her eyes, lowly scoffing.

hearing him talk about her mental health like this makes her mad.

how can he talk about this — like this — when he doesn't even believe the same for himself?

she whips around to face him, her face full of obvious irritation.

"really, logan? you really want to talk about this with me? when you can't even do the same for yourself?" she exclaims, finding it so damn aggravating that he's being such a hypocrite.

his eyes widen in shock, having not expected her to snap at him like this — she's usually so calm and collected.

if only he knew just how much she struggles with the anger issues she gets from her family.

"excuse me?" he asks incredulously, snapping himself out of his shocked state and quickly going back to his cold act.

"you heard me! you're trying to tell me to try to talk about my issues and try to see that i have a good life ahead of me, when you can't even do that yourself! you don't want to live, do you?" she exclaims, throwing her own hands up in the air.

she scoffs as a dark look takes over his face, jaw ticking as he tilts his head to the side.

"you really wanna do this right now, doll?" his voice almost comes out in a growl, while [y/n] refuses to let it scare her — she knows that he'd never hurt her, especially when he's just acting this tough, most likely to push her away.

"yes, because i don't need you to act like you care about me this much!" she spits out, not taking a moment to realize what she just said.

he barks out a laugh, tossing his head back in sarcastic disbelief.

"really? you think i don't care about you?"

her entire body goes weak at his question.

she didn't even realize she said it. but, there's no taking it back — not now.

with a relentless sigh, she bites down on her bottom lip and stays silent as she ducks her head down to hide the obvious tears that are just about to spill — she doesn't want him to see what kind of effect he has on her.

"well?" he asks again — much more harshly, might i add.

"yes." she whispers weakly, knowing that she only blurted out the truth.

because, sure, she'd hoped that he cared about her, but there's been some other side of her that kept telling her that he could care less about her and just couldn't wait to finally be rid of her and laura.

"you seriously fucking think i don't give a damn about you and you're well-being — along with the kid, too — at all?" he questions further, still not fully calmed down in the moment.

in fact, it seems that he's only getting more frustrated by every passing second.

without another word, she nods.

shame fills her at the thought of losing him, all because she couldn't keep her damn mouth shut.

that, and the fact that she's used to everyone leaving her.

though, she also feels hatred towards herself — she hates growing attached and dependent on others.

and losing logan? well, that scares her shitless.

especially, since people hurting and leaving her, is all that was ever done to her.

anytime she grows to care for someone and begins to trust them, they leave her all alone, only with the heartaching conclusion that she did something wrong to make them abandon her.

that, or she assumes there's something wrong with her that is so terrible that they couldn't stand her anymore.

something snaps inside of logan, not understanding how she could be so blind.

"if i didn't care about you, why would i be refusing to accept the fact that you're dying? or the fact that i care about you so much that i'm willing to give the kid a chance?" he asks as he steps closer to her, causing her breath to catch in her throat at how close they're getting to each other.

"logan—" she says hesitantly, starting to really regret this entire conversation, all together.

he shakes his head in frustration. "no. don't. we're going to have this conversation. whether you like it or not." he says in a dark voice, his facial expression becoming something of a mix between anger and bewilderness.

"i don't know where the fuck you got the idea that i don't care about you. because you're wrong. why would i change my mind about helping you and laura, if i didn't give a shit about you? why would i be protecting you this entire time, if i didn't care? or calm you down from a panic attack, or help you feel better about the blood that's now on your hands? or take care of you and make sure that you're safe?" he yells this time, completely frustrated at her for thinking for just one second that he doesn't care for her at all.

though, you'd think that a man like logan wouldn't admit to caring for her. especially, with everything he's been through, and all of the people he's lost.

i mean, the man has practically lost everything.

"i didn't want any of this. i just wanted to take care of charles and protect caliban and get through the time i have left, before everything would be going to shit, once again, like it always does." he says seriously, not taking notice of the tears flooding [y/n]'s eyes, or the trembling of her bottom lip.

he's far too overwhelmed with the current conversation.

though, it's barely even a conversation at this point — it's just him yelling and raising his voice at her.

"i didn't want any part of it. but, then you came into my life and i found myself wanting something more than the miserable fucking life i was living before. and along the ride, the more i got to know you and the kid, i've grown to see things differently — i saw you differently." he says, this time his voice becoming much more genuine and gentle.

[y/n] swears that her heart stops and the whole world disappears.

"w—what do you mean?"

"i mean that you've changed me. and i'm not going to fucking stand around, while you risk your life repeatedly, with no regards of the fact that we need you."

tears spill to her cheeks as her heartbeat quickens at his admission.

"we?" she asks in barely a whisper, wondering if she just misheard him.

"yes, we." he states with no hesitation, before suddenly walking all the way over to her.

he hesitates on his next actions, hoping to god that he hasn't read too much into the situation.

god, the thoughts running through his head is making him feel like a love-sick teenaged boy.

but, something changes when she looks up at him with both hopeful and shocked eyes. "logan—"

she stops herself, wondering if she's getting the right signs.

does he really want to kiss her, or is she just an idiot?

"doll, i can't fucking take it anymore. i can't be around you, without doing this before i regret it." he mutters as he brings his fingers up to her face, wiping away the tears on her face.

her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she looks up at him. "what do you mean? do what?"

"this." he simply says, placing his hands over her cheeks and then slams his lips onto hers.

a shocked sound comes from her, it now becoming a smothered breath as they both close their eyes and melt into it.

logan smiles into the kiss as [y/n] presses her body closer to his and wraps her arms around his neck.

then, as she opens her mouth just slightly to let out a content sigh, he takes the moment to bring the kiss to become more heated as their tongues meet together.

when they pull away, [y/n] places her hands over his chest as she takes a deep breath, heaving for air to get back into her lungs.

"wow. that was... " she trails off in a murmur, still very much speechless.

"yeah, i know." he mumbles, a small hint of a smile on his lips.

"did you really mean all of that? what you said?" she asks in a soft voice, after they stand in a few minutes of comfortable silence.

he nods. "yeah. i had to get through to you that i do care." he murmurs as they both pull away from each other.

after a few more minutes of silence, [y/n] asks the question she's been wanting to ask since she first woke up, "so, you gonna tell me where charles is yet?"

but, the answer she receives — along with the distraught expression that takes over logan's face — tells her all that she needs to know.

—————

SOMETHING IN HER KNEW THAT everything that'd happen the next day would end with only blood and innocent kids getting hurt.

but, she didn't question how she knew that.

she only knew that she'd die to protect laura and those kids. no matter what — even if things had shifted between her and logan and she wanted to try to stay alive for him.

maybe it was the fact that finding out about charles' death had more of an effect on her than anyone anticipated.

or the fact that the munson family had experienced so much pain and loss because of them.

really, it doesn't matter.

but, she wouldn't dare let transigen take laura or those kids and put them through more hell — she needed to put an end to that psychotic group.

the worst part was leaving logan while he was asleep.

she hadn't said goodbye — she only gave him a long lasting look with a sad smile, before leaving with the kids.

and laura had only assumed that [y/n] wanted to make sure they got across safely.

technically, that's not a lie. but, she hadn't exactly told anyone the full truth.

and she was right.

somehow transigen had found out where they were headed and ambushed them in the woods.

and of course, the young woman decided to stay behind to fight the men off — to protect the kids.

with a yell to them to 'get out of here, now', [y/n] struggled to fight the men — her pain in her body was only getting worse, thanks to the other stronger version of logan — but, succeeded in distracting them.

that was until one of them stabbed her in one of her legs and tied her to a tree while she was distracted.

and as they leave to hunt down the kids — one by one — something in [y/n] snaps.

she's never felt so much gut-wrenching pain over the thought of losing a child that was never truly hers in the first place.

but, the thought of those kids — those innocent children, who only want freedom and normalcy — being brutally murdered for being born and having the powers that they do, changes something in her.

her blood runs cold as a shiver runs through her body at the thought of finding their bodies.

scorching, hot tears spill from her eyes and she just can't help it as she lets out the loudest, most pain-filled scream.

the kids hear this, and it makes them stop for a moment.

but, this distracts them for too long as some of the men have found them and begin to capture some of them.

though, another yell — one that belongs to a very familiar, protective man — distracts some of the men and laura helps the rest of the kids break free.

[y/n], now exhausted from that one scream and the agonizing pain filling her entire body, she helplessly sobs in both emotional and physical pain. she feels so weak.

but, before she can fall further into that negative and dark mindset, a pair of heavy footsteps makes her freeze in her place.

though, as she looks up, she realizes that it's only logan.

as he kneels down in front of her, his face filled with worry for her, she lets out a cry of relief. "logan?"

he musters up a soft smile — one that's only recently been reserved for her — and tears the ropes free of her hands.

"hey, sweetheart. you didn't think you'd be doing this alone, did ya?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood as he rips off a piece of flannel off of his shirt and wraps it around her leg that's currently bleeding out.

tears find their way to her eyes again as her bottom lip trembles.

"they're going to kill them, logan." she cries out, not being able to think about anything else.

a look of both anger and worry for laura and the other kids finds its way to his face as he helps her up, before placing one of her arms over his shoulder.

"don't worry. we're going to help them."

"promise?" she asks in a whisper.

he nods as he begins to walk further into the woods, in the direction of the screaming kids.

"i promise. we're not leaving until they're safe. alright?" he tells her as she starts to walk on her own, ignoring the pain.

she nods, agreeing with him. "good. because i had the same idea." she mumbles as they get to the entrance of the field that the children are being dragged to.

ultimately, with some hesitation, the couple decides to split up.

though, logan hands her some weapons to help her, before placing a loving kiss to her temple and murmuring a 'be safe'.

then, they're both sneaking around trying to scope the area out, and trying to find an opening to get this shit done without too much blood and death.

worry and confusion fills [y/n] as logan hurries right into the middle of the field, obviously going for the confrontation approach as she finds laura.

the girl hides behind her by a tree as they both watch the scene playing out before them.

"oh, look who it is!" one of them sarcastically exclaims, before slamming the end of his gun into a boy's head, immediately knocking him out.

the doctor and logan talk; the doctor tries to play nice, while logan is just not having it.

while there's nothing much happening, [y/n] kneels down and faces laura.

"you think you can go to your friends without getting caught? i gotta help logan get the bad guys, okay?"

laura nods, silent worry evident on her face, but she doesn't say anything as she sneaks back towards the nearest vehicle, which is where the rest of the other kids are being held by.

[y/n] takes a deep breath as she begins to sneak closer, making sure if a fight happens, she'll be able to step in — even if she is only human.

but then, suddenly, logan shoots both donald and the doctor in pure anger.

donald yells in pain, holding his now destroyed hand and runs over to one of the other vehicles closest to him.

the fighting starts as laura attacks some of the men, near the rest of the children.

one of the other kids being held uses their powers to electrecute the men sitting inside the vehicle.

[y/n] takes the moment to step forward and shoot two of the men in the head, shocking the kids.

then, she turns to laura. "get you and your friends out of here. logan and i will handle the rest."

laura wordlessly nods as she helps the kids get up and get out of their handcuffs.

but, as logan follows the asshole that no longer has a hand anymore, the other version of the wolverine — the evil one — appears behind one of the doors of the vehicle and shoves him back with pure rage.

"logan!" [y/n] yells, stepping forward in distress as she completely forgets about the kids that are getting ready to run.

the two wolverines continue to fight each other — the evil version having more of an upper-hand.

laura takes out the rest of the men as [y/n] steps forward when the evil wolverine stabs logan in the back and throws him into the air, far away from him.

something dark swirls around in her gut — some of it is just her being protective of logan, and the other is something that she's never felt before in her entire life.

"get the hell away from him, you fucking piece of shit!" she screams as she steps in front of logan protectively and starts shooting her gun.

this, though — no matter how many times or where she shoots her gun at him — only makes him more angry.

becoming a little nervous, [y/n] backs up as she pulls out one of her daggers.

just as he gets close enough to her to hurt her, she thrusts the weapon into his side.

but, this has no effect on him as he shoves his claws into her gut — repeating history.

a shocked gasp leaves her as she tries to keep the whimpers of pain shoved deep inside of her.

logan growls as he watches the evil version of him find satisfaction in hurting her.

then, as he stands up, [y/n] slowly backs up — despite all of the pain she feels — as the claws pull themselves out of her stomach.

the evil wolverine prepares to strike her again, but logan isn't about to let that happen; he rushes forward and shoves her behind him as he uses all of his strength to throw the much more powerful monster away from them.

then, he grabs a broken door off of the ground and tries to take out his head from his neck with it.

but, it doesn't help that when the monstrous version of logan sees the doctor dead on the ground.

there's also donald deciding to motivate him by telling him that logan killed him — this obviously brings him to fight back against logan and shove him and the door to the ground.

he growls angrily as [y/n] runs over to help logan get up.

but, then, donald shoots a graveling hook into one of logan's legs.

[y/n] yells out in pure irritation as she turns to shoot him in the head.

he lets out a shocked breath as he falls to the ground.

[y/n]'s not sure if that killed him or not, but at least he'll be done for — at least, for a few minutes.

while both [y/n] and laura are busy trying to fight different people, logan angrily rips the hook out of his leg, yelling in beyond-imaginable pain.

more of the kids appear to drown donald in the nature of the grass, which eventually kills him.

as the evil wolverine goes for laura, logan and [y/n] share a look, before she's running to get the little girl to stay behind her, while logan stays to fight the other version of him.

"stay behind me, okay? this isn't your fight."

laura — for the first time in a while — sends her mother-figure a terrified look.

[y/n] sighs regretfully. "it's okay. he's not going to touch you." she says, before facing the evil logan before them.

as she notices that the kid that donald had with him, is trying to lift up a heavy truck near them, [y/n] grabs laura's hand and shoves her in logan's direction.

"you guys need to get out of here."

"no! not without you!" laura yells, tears filling her eyes as logan pulls her close and hesitantly keeps her behind him.

[y/n] gulps down her pride as she allows a few tears to escape. "i know. but, you have to. logan will protect you — i promise. but, you have to go. now!" she yells, before the monster in front of them comes to notice them all very quickly.

laura hesitates, but stays with logan.

"sweetheart—" logan begins to say, but [y/n] refuses to look him in the eyes as she steps forward and tries to fight off the evil version of him — she can't look him in the eyes as she realizes that there's only one way this is going to end.

and if it's going to be up to her, she'll do just about anything to make sure he and laura — and the other kids that remain — get out of there safely, and alive.

as she fights the monster once more, [y/n] yells to the real logan, not turning to look at him, "get yourselves out of here! i didn't survive all of this, just for you to die on my watch. go!"

the pain in her body becomes even much more hard to bear as she pushes the evil logan back, just as the other kid is able to make it so that the truck lands directly on top of him.

with a sigh of relief, logan and laura start walking towards [y/n], but, she's not willing to risk that monster surviving this and killing them and everyone else.

"no! you guys have to go!"

but, it's too late.

just as she turns back to face the vehicle, one side lifts itself up, before falling back down — he's still alive.

the thought of having to watch them die brings back the searing, hot tears as she runs over to them and pushes them further away.

"go, please!" she cries out, needing to do anything to keep them safe.

the evil wolverine eventually escapes from under the truck and when he's standing — quite angrily and vengeful, might i add — he runs straight for her.

though, instead of running in the other direction, [y/n] clutches her dagger and runs straight at him.

once she reaches him, she swallows down her fear and slams the tip of the dagger straight into the side of his head as she kicks him back, his back hitting the edge of one of the many vehicles.

this only makes him more angry, though; in a fit of more intensified rage, he slams his claws into her stomach — for the second time that day — before dragging her to a broken stump with sharp edges surrounding it.

as body meets sharpness and wood, laura screams out as the blood spurts out of [y/n]'s lips.

she chokes as she struggles to breath — even more so, this time — body wracking with breathless sobs.

her eyes meet logan's.

his face is utterly torn. tears — something he never has let happen in a very long, long time — have spilled to his cheeks.

"p—please... " she cries out in between the blood that's repeatedly falling from her lips and the struggle to breathe as the evil logan mercilessly shoves her back against the sharp edges of wood, before stabbing her with his claws once, twice...

"g—get her out... of h—here!" she finishes, just before laura has had enough and snaps, grabbing one of the guns off of the ground and shoots the monster straight in the head.

this destroys half of his face, before he limply falls to the ground, unmoving.

both logan and laura run over to [y/n] as she lets out a choked sigh of relief, grateful that she doesn't have to endure any more new injuries.

though, she's still growing more and more weak by every passing second.

the little girl sobs loudly as she drops the gun to the ground beside them.

without another thought, she lies her head on [y/n]'s chest.

she moves her very shaky hand up to hold laura's as she tries to stay awake — just for a bit longer.

her breaths become much more hollow as logan falls to his knees, right in front of her, on the other side of her.

his face is filled with so many different emotions; love, fear, guilt, worry.

"you know... m—meeting you, james," she pauses, gulping in pain as she tries to find the words she needs to say before it's too late, while logan's heart almost stops beating at the realization that she just called him by his real name.

"it... was the best thing that ever happened to me... " she trails off as an extremely pain-filled cough with more blood falling from her lips escapes her.

laura cries once more, not wanting to lose the woman who's only ever protected and loved her, despite all the bad things she was forced to do.

"don't go... " she lets out as her tears fall onto [y/n]'s weaker-by-the-minute-body.

[y/n] chokes on her own cries as she clutches the little girl's hand in a tighter grasp.

"i—i'm so sorry." she cries out as her heart pangs at what her possible death is doing to both laura and logan.

he clenches his jaw angrily as he bites down on his bottom lip in frustration.

"why didn't you just let me take care of this?" he asks in a tight tone of voice, trying to ignore the extra tears swirling around in his eyes.

she gives him a sad smile, her heart breaking completely. "because... it had to be me." she croaks out as another coughing fit begins to escape her.

"and because i... i couldn't lose you guys... because i—i love you," she whispers, starting to hate the fact that right when the three of them had just started to feel like a real family, something like this tears them apart — forever.

"b—both of you." she finishes, more blood trailing around her lips and sliding down to her chin.

hearing those words leave her lips allows logan to feel so much pain that the tears finally spill.

he ducks his head down, trying to hide his emotions.

[y/n] frowns as she notices this.

"it's... okay. i wouldn't have this any other way," she states as she cups his cheek with her other bloody hand. "dying for the man i love, and... the little girl that's become like my d—daughter? it... s—sounds kinda like a pe—perfect ending to a great story." she murmurs, trying to hide how much she wishes to just stay with them.

but, on another hand, she's also made peace with it — that she's going to die.

because — deep down — despite how much she didn't want to accept it, she knew that sacrificing herself for the people she loves dearly, is the only way she wanted to go out.

"logan... " she coughs, once more, as her breaths becomes much more shallow — death is almost about to knock on her door.

he looks at her, waiting for her to tell him what she needs to.

"p—please... be happy. don't... d—don't let my death be the end of the happiness and the good life you both deserve."

as those words sink into his head, he desperately wants to tell her that there is no happiness or life without her — she's become like home to him.

for the first time, in a very long time, he's grown to want the life he's tried to avoid having — he's been punishing himself for so long that meeting her was the one exception to actually wanting that life. but, with her.

but, before he can say anything — and tell her this — she turns to laura, who hasn’t pulled away from her as she tries to desperately wipe away her tears.

"laur, baby, everything's going to be alright, okay? i know that you're scared. and you have every r—right to... to be. but, logan's gonna protect you and take care of you, o—okay?" she murmurs in stutters, trying to hold on for as long as she can, starting to feel how slow her heart is beating now.

laura cries harder as [y/n] takes one deep breath. "do—don't... don't be the m—monster they made... made you i—into — be b—better." she whispers as her breaths slows now.

before the last beat of her heart hits her body, she sighs with a content, happy smile, despite dying so fast. "take care of e—each o—other... for m—me, o—okay?"

then, as that last beat hits her body and heart, the light slowly leaves her eyes and her face begins to relax as both of her hands drop to the ground, limp and unmoving.

"no!" laura yells in anger and fear as the emotions quickly escape her, now realizing that she's gone.

logan, not being able to handle his own grief, stands up and walks over to laura, without saying anything as he kneels down beside her.

laura jumps into his arms and lets everything out.

they both stand there for god knows how long, only drowning in their grief, with the other kids standing behind them, feeling pity and sympathy for them.

[y/n] may have only known them for a small amount of time, but still, she made an impression on them, for the better.

[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

P&C | Ch. 3: Nursing Buddies

➪ Playlist (Spotify) l Series Masterlist

"I think I like your space buns more," a soft whisper lingered in the air as Tae bent his neck, lowering his gaze before our eyes met.

"Trust me, so do I. But first impressions are important," I say, already anticipating his quick remark regarding his first impression of me.

"You know, I thought you would just keep your hand on my hoodie the whole ride down. You didn't seem in much of a rush," he chuckles, teasing my flushed face.

"Yeah, well, it's not my fault you had to stand there," I quickly glance at him with a smirk, before composing myself once again. 

He gives me a boxy smile, "Oh it was my fault? My bad, sorry, next time you decide to tumble into the elevator let me know so I can get out of your way," he says with the same teasing smirk.

It's goofy, obviously, but I'm glad he wasn't awkward about it. I've reached my limit of embarrassment for one day, but still, I'm surprised he hasn't said anything about my unfortunate outfit choice. Nonetheless, I'll take it. Don't need him knowing about my Barbie obsession too. Flip-flops is enough.

Accompanied by a few drinks, Tae and I have a quick debrief about our first day of school and the majors that we chose to pursue. 

"Shut up! Nursing? No way, me too," I unconsciously let out a tiny squeak, genuinely intrigued by the news. 

"Stop, are you serious?" Tae exclaims. Leaning in forward to make sure he heard me correctly. But yes, turns out we are both soon-to-be nurses. Who would have thought? 

"I'm dead serious. Wait, then how come I didn't see you in today's classes?" I pause, meeting his eyes with furrowed brows. 

"I didn't go, slept through them and then helped out with the party," he explained.

"Well, you didn't miss much. We just went over the syllabus, but the courses are fast-paced and content heavy so try not to miss too much," I explain. 

"Oh no trust me, my mom would whoop me if I did. Today was the only exception. She loves Jungkook and Jimin, so I told her it was a party for their arrival from Busan." he smiles pointing to the two guys standing by the food table.

"I see. By the way, is Jungkook alright?" I didn't mean to change the subject so abruptly but my curiosity couldn't resist any longer. He hasn't left Jimin's side since we walked in and barely said a word aside from that short introduction.

"Yeah, he is fine, don't worry. If he doesn't sleep well, it clearly shows on his face. Becomes all grumpy and quiet. Give him a day or two and he'll be like a brand new person." Tae explains with a reassuring smile. I nod. Anyway, he knows better, they've been friends for a long time. By now they know each other's characters better than they know their own.

After talking to Tae for a while, I found my way to Jiah who was naturally with Jimin.

"Hey Mira, are you enjoying the party?" Jimin offers me water, as they scoot closer making room for me on the sofa.

"It's awesome! I met so many people already. And guess what? Tae and I are in the same major, how funny is that?" I laugh.

"Tae is in nursing? Since when? What happened to graphic design?" Jiah asks, turning to Jimin as her eyes scan for Tae's silhouette amid the dancing crowd. 

"Yeah, that was before his parents found out. They said he needed a real job. One that would make him stable money. Capitalism, what can I say," Jimin sighs, resting his head on the back of the couch. 

"That's unfortunate, he looked so happy when talking about his projects. But, now he has Mira to pull him through nursing." Jiah exclaims with a bright smile, before giving me a quick wink. 

"We'll see if I'll be able to pull myself through at least a semester," I scoff, masking the fearful undertones of concern in my voice with a soft chuckle. However, I'm glad that I at least have Tae in this with me. What if we end up in this same cohort?

--

1:00 a.m.

It's the next day, yet the party seems to have only begun. I'm not sure what these people are drinking but I'm ready to call it a night and sink into my warm bed. So, I go to find Jiah and Jimin and thank them for the invitation, before waving Tae goodbye. We promised to meet each other tomorrow morning before class to prepare for the battle that is Nursing.

As I left the studio room, I was relieved by the breeze of fresh air coming from the opened emergency exit door. Seemed strange, but in the moment I didn't mind it since I'd been suffocating in there for God knows how long. So, fresh air had never sounded more appealing than right about now. 

"Hello? Is anyone there?" my voice is quiet, trying not to disturb the sane people who are fast asleep. I walked out of the building and onto the bench area by the dormitory. The moonlight was reflecting onto the pond as the sound of crickets filled the night ambience. Everything was at peace. That is until I saw a dark figure sitting on one of the benches farther back.

"Hello?" I called out again, stumbling back on my feet. Before ... boom. There I was, on the ground, one heel off my foot completely while the other was stuck in those dam pavement cracks. Phenomenal.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" a familiar voice exclaimed as the dark figure rushed towards me. Black hoodie, black hair. Jungkook. Why was he here all alone? 

"Yeah, I'm oka..." my words were abrupted by his sudden action. In one swoop he was able to lift me while taking care of my broken heels. And, with my arms just awkwardly dangling off of his broad shoulders, I tried not to make eye contact with his face, despite the obvious proximity we were in. After reaching the bench, he gently put me down, taking off his hoodie before covering my bare legs. Everything was happening so quickly, because mentally I was still on the ground, too embarrassed to look up.

"What were you doing out here? It's so cold," he asks, furrowed eyes searching my dumbfounded expression. 

"What were you doing out here? I only came up to check why the door was left open," I snap back with what I thought was confidence that soon turned into a stuttering mess. Seeing me get all defensive, Jungkook let out a small chuckle, nibbling on his lip ring before taking a seat beside me. 

"It was too loud in there and I already had a migraine before the party even started. So, I decided to get some fresh air. Ta-da! Mystery solved." he glances back at me with a sly smirk, which I awkwardly reciprocate with a tiny smile.

"Anyways, I wanted to reintroduce myself, since I looked quite rough back there. I swear I'm much hotter in real life," he grins before holding out his hand.

"This is real life ..." I scoff, shaking his hand nonetheless.

"You know what I mean. Anyways, I'm Jungkook, nice to meet you. Mira, right?"

I nod. 

"So, how was the party?" he asks. I explained that I'm not much of a party girl and came as Jiah's plus one. But it turned out to play in my favour as I met my study buddy. And, although the hint was quite obvious, Jungkook seemed tired enough to forget about Tae's change in his major as he initially questioned who I was referring to. 

"What about you? What's your major?" I ask.

"Well, right now, it's Kinesiology, but we'll see. Maybe I'll double major in something else," he explains. Well, he definitely did play the part of someone majoring in Kinesiology, with a lean physique and those buff muscles. Everything about him screamed gym rat, I know because I'm quite literally the opposite. I don't remember the last time I stepped foot into a gym. It's too intimidating and, also I'm lazy. I hyperventilate going up 3 flights of stairs, so I think that should tell you all you need about my level of fitness. 

We talked for a little while longer until silence consumed our surroundings. It's peaceful again. With his hoodie still on my legs, he was left sitting in nothing but a white T-shirt. And, as I tried to scoot over my body was restricted by the sudden weight on my right shoulder.

"Ouch," I yelped quietly, as I felt the tips of Jungkook's dark hair on my cheek. He fell asleep. On my shoulder. The one that suddenly wouldn't stop hurting. That's it. I remembered why Jungkook seemed so familiar. He was the guy that bumped into me at the entrance door.  

Previous l Next

[momo-meowz]

LibidO

𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭 // 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐈𝐝𝐨𝐥!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

★──────.★.───────.★.

..#｡𖦹°‧𝐀/𝐍: 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎 𝑳𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒅𝑶 𝒃𝒚 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚𝑶𝒏𝒆𝑶𝒇!!!𝑾𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 </3

★──────.★.───────.★.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.ᐟ: 𝒀𝒆𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒅𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑💀💀

You and your girlfriend, Chaeyoung, were in the practice room together. The two of you had been practicing the choreography to OnlyOneOf’s song “Libido” as a surprise for fans. No one was really expecting it considering the last time a Twice and Red Velvet member were seen performing together was in 2018, so your companies thought it would be a great idea to bring some sort of collaboration once again.

You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when Chaeyoung suggested the song. In fact, you hadn’t even heard of the song until then. Much less seen the choreography to it. At the start, you couldn’t even do Love and Nine’s part without becoming a blushing mess, with you doing Love’s part and Chaeyoung doing Nine’s. However, as you practiced more and more, you were able to do it with just the slightest blush creeping up to your cheeks.

The two of you had been practicing for hours on end. Sweat dripping, chests heaving, and the sensual beat to the song driving you insane. You had begun to become distracted with how incredibly attractive Chaeyoung looked like this. Your eyes glued onto her figure as her body effortlessly moved to the song. Her sleeveless shirt hanging on her torso, just barely see through, but enough that her black sports bra was showing. And her bangs clinging onto her forehead as it became hot in the practice room with all the dancing.

“Love? Are you just going to stare or are we going to run through this one more time?” She asked, a bit of a teasing tone in her voice.

“Right, right. I’m sorry,” you responded, clearly embarrassed.

And there you guys were again, running through the same moves all over again. It’s not like you had a choice anyways. MMA was in two days and you sure as hell didn’t want to mess up.

‘Leave it leave it leave it leave it to libido

(Want you to sing on my body)~’

With those final lyrics, you guys were done. Absolutely exhausted from what felt like endless practice. You plopped to the ground letting out an exaggerated sigh. Laying down, arms and legs carelessly spread leaving you in a star shaped form on the floor. Your girlfriend chuckled before plopping down as well, but sitting with her legs crossed beside you.

“That wasn’t too bad now was it?” Chaeyoung asked.

You whined. “Well not now, but what about when it's the REAL thing? I don’t know if I can survive that part.”

Another chuckle. “Come on, it can’t be that hard. It’s not like we haven’t done things like that at home before.”

You glared at her. Even when you did have your little intimate moments, you always had the same reaction, quickly getting shy and flustered. You would melt into a puddle when Chaeyoung would do the slightest bit, literally the bare minimum, of flirting with you. That had to change though. At least before the performance, you thought.

After a bit of going back and forth on the situation, the two of you packed your things and headed home for the night. And there may or may not have been a little bit of a session. JUST A LITTLE BIT. Don’t get any ideas just yet you homo.

Day of MMA 2022:

Shit shit shit, I’m so nervous. You thought. You and Chaeyoung were currently getting makeup done. Hair and outfits were already taken care of and it was nearly time for your performance. Fingers suddenly intertwined with your own whilst you were distracted. “In your own little world” as your girlfriend says. Chaeyoung gave your hand a small squeeze of reassurance. It did somewhat help, you weren’t going to lie.

“Ladies! You’re up in five!” The manager shouted.

On cue, you both headed over to the trap room, standing on the lift, waiting to head up. Slowly, it rose. The lights shone as you and your girlfriend appeared on stage. Fans cheered all around as the audio began to play.

‘Libi libido stem tangled like ropes

Im attracted for no reason oh

Leave it leave it libido

We are roots sprouting up like veins

Get mixed up with no rules at all yeah’

Your confidence grew with the cheers, your stage presence becoming better as you go. Chaeyoung’s as well. Her body moved perfectly in sync with yours, drawing the attention of everyone in the crowd. No mistakes. You thought.

The song went on. Two minutes and eight seconds passing. It was time for the part you struggled to keep your cool on. Chaeyoung got down on one knee to your side. Her fingertips gliding down your back and onto your ass as she gripped the back of your upper thigh. The sensation left you almost forgetting you were on stage, but you couldn’t let that stop you. You continued on with the choreography, bringing the thin string around her neck and pulling her closer to your pelvis. You subconsciously looked down while doing it, making eye contact with Chaeyoung. Her eyes went dark staring into you. A look full of want, a look full of lust.

Fuck, you thought. But you didn’t have time to think as Chaeyoung’s arm was already between your thighs, hand hovering your area, gently touching you as she pulled it back to herself. Everything happened so fast. She was already back up with her face about a foot away from yours, but the choreography called for it closer. And so you grabbed her jaw pulling her near. Her lips just inches away from yours. And there it was again. The eye contact. The way her eyes darted to your lips shortly after too. A small smirk plastered across her face amidst the brief moment. Your eyes widened slightly and you could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks. Still, you continued trying to keep your composure, pushing aside your hormones until the end of the performance.

To your surprise, it was over before you knew it. You were already back in the changing room with Chaeyoung. And oh boy was she eyeing you. You were oblivious to it though. All you had in mind at the moment was to get home and rest the night away. Your girlfriend though? She had other plans. Seeing the minor reactions you had on stage left her wanting more. She wanted to make you feel good. She wanted to tell you how pretty you look as you moan out her name while she touches you. She wanted to feel you.

And that's exactly what she did.

Chaeyoung came up behind you while you were about to put on your shirt. Her arms snaked around your waist as she placed tender kisses on your neck and shoulders.

“Fuck” You sighed, immediately leaning into her touch. You could feel her smile on your skin.

“You're so desperate baby, aren’t you worried about someone hearing you?” She asked. Her hands slowly traveled up your torso; fingertips reaching your bra, kneading your breasts with every teasing word. You could only let out a whiny hum having no mind to answer the question. She chuckled, mumbling out a small “I guess not”.

With that, her kisses became slightly rougher, leaving marks everywhere. Your soft whines became moans as Chaeyoung began to kiss down your body. One hand on your waist and the other still toying with your breast. Her kisses got down to your waistband before she pulled away.

“Take that off for me will you darling?”

You did as told. What else would you do? Sure you didn’t have the mind to answer questions, but if Chaeyoung told you to do something, then you would do it in a heartbeat.

“You’re so good for me love” She spoke, whispering sweet little praises against your skin.

You couldn’t think. She was teasing you far longer than you wished for. You were wet; desperate for her to touch you right where you wanted. She knew what she was doing and you couldn’t handle it any longer. Subconsciously, your thighs rubbed together in search of any friction whatsoever.

Smack!

You whined.

“Did I tell you you could do anything? You were so good for me earlier, what happened princess?”

“Shit, I'm sorry.. Please just please.. Touch me”

“Is that it darling? Tell me, what is it that you want?”

“Fuck me.”

Without a second to waste, she slipped in a finger. You gasped, the action bringing you immense pleasure. She continued slipping it in and out of your heat leaving you a whining mess.

“Chaeyoung please.. Faster”

She really didn’t want to listen until–

Knock knock knock

` “Y/N-ah, Are you almost done? The performance was insane! Get out here!” Yeri called out.

Both of you mentally facepalmed wishing this moment could last a bit longer. You were getting ready to pull away when Chaeyoung replaced her finger with her lips gently sucking on your clit, occasionally sliding her tongue in and out. You bit your lip in attempts to stifle a breathy moan, praying that Yeri wasn’t still outside the door. Not that it would make much of a difference with the sounds of Chaeyoung sloppily eating you out though. You were dangerously close to cumming. Teary eyed in fact. The sounds driving you insane mixed with how pretty Chaeyoung looked in between your thighs had you begging for release. And before you knew it, your lips parted as an unmistakable moan of pleasure escaped your lips as well as your orgasm. Gently caressing your thighs, Chaeyoung placed soft kisses up your body making her way back to your lips. Her hands pulled you closer as her arms wrapped around your neck.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go at it longer baby. Maybe some other time, hmm?” She whispered.

“Don’t apologize, Chae. This was by far one of the best times we’ve done it. Howeverrrr, I wouldn’t mind doing it some other time too.” You added playfully.

She chuckled, leaning her forehead against yours.

Knock, knock, knock!

“Y/N I know damn well it doesn’t take that long to change. Hurry the fuck up.” Sooyoung called this time.

You groaned finally getting your home clothes back on. Wouldn’t wanna leave your group waiting any longer after all. Chaeyoung did the same, walking out of the room with you where your members waited for you. They each exchanged greetings before Chaeyoung left to find her own group.

On the way home…

“They definitely fucked,” Sooyoung spoke.

“SHUT UP”

[dyreatic]

Liella! Cross Talk 02

The trio voicing Tang Keke, Heanna Sumire, and Onitsuka Natsumi sit down and converse with each other, engaging in lively conversation over their journey since the release event towards the 3rd Live Tour!

Liella! has nine members now. Has adding new members made you nervous or stressed?

Liyuu: Honestly, before we met face-to-face, it wasn’t on my mind at all (laughs).

Emori: Huh?! Really?!

Liyuu: I’m someone who leaves the future for later, so I decided to worry about the increase in members when it would actually happen… It was also around the time of our 1st Live Tour, so my attention was focused entirely on that. Even so, after we met face-to-face, there was still some time until we would actually work together… So I dodged the issue!

Emori: True, it took the longest for me to get close to Lichan!

Payton: She even talked to me about it! (laughs)

Emori: While on the train, I kept on thinking to myself, “What does she think of the 2nd gen members?”... (laughs)

Payton: I think I responded something like, “Lichan’s probably just focused on what’s right in front of her.”

Liyuu: Wow, Paychan! You really understand me well!

Emori: (Laughs) Naomi said to us, “Lichan thinks of everyone the most, so she’s waiting for you all to reach out”, which gave me the confidence to do so.

Liyuu: I’ve never been involved in club activities, so I have no idea how to interact with my juniors. I ended up deciding to just wait and see, so thanks, the both of you~

Liella!’s already been active as nine for some time. When did it feel like you finally clicked together?

Emori: The release event!

Liyuu/Payton: I agree!

Liyuu: During the fan meeting, only the 1st gen members performed, so it still felt like our activities were separate. Our tasks were also different, so it was hard to feel the same way as each other. That’s why I was really happy that we were able to perform together as nine for everyone during the release event!

Payton: For me, I think it was the time that we formed a circle during the release event. It’s a tradition for the Love Live! series, and it reminded me once again that we were going to sing WE WILL!! as nine members. I also thought back to the previous Hajimari wa Kimi no Sora release event where we stood as five. Now, we would be taking a brand new step forward.

Liyuu: It was our first performance as nine, so we faced the same goal and strove to achieve it together.

Payton: We’d been going at our own paces, so this was the moment that it felt like we were finally walking in step.

Emori: During the fan meeting, we only wore the school uniforms, so we couldn’t wear the same costumes as the 1st gen members, which was a big hurdle. Because of that, I was really happy that all nine of us could wear the same costumes!

Payton: Yeah, I feel that!

Emori: Also, when I watched the archive after the concert, the sight of the curtain rising and the spotlights shining down on us made me finally feel like the era of nine had finally begun. During the actual performance, I was focused on what I had to do, so I don’t really remember it that clearly… (laughs).

It really does hit you once you see your performance from the audience’s point of view. What’s changed on-stage since the days of five members?

Payton: Now that we’re a group of nine, we’re closer to each other while dancing. Sensing that there's someone close to me makes me feel much more reassured.

Liyuu: Our formations have become more complex too.

Emori: If we don’t keep track of our movements, we’d end up colliding with each other, so we have to practice slowly know our movements well.

Payton: Also, the 2nd gen members are really putting in a lot of effort!

Emori: (Laughs)

Payton: If I were a 2nd gen member, I’d want to catch up to the 1st gen and perform at the same level as them, so I totally understand. I can feel the amount of effort they’re putting into it. During our rehearsals, I always see them practicing, so we gotta do our best to make sure that they don’t catch up to us. Wait no, I’d be happy if they caught up to us, but not if they left us behind… It’s a complicated feeling (laughs).

Liyuu: I think they’re pretty admirable and awesome. Everyone’s doing their best. We can’t lose to them!

Emori: It’s because we have something to chase after that we can do our best to do so. Actually, I just talked about it with my family yesterday! I watched the release event’s footage with my mom, who praised me, saying, “You’ve come so far!” I knew that was because I had giants next to me all this time. It’s difficult to go from zero to hero, but that’s what the 1st gen did for us. We're only able to aim high because they were there to set an example for us, so I’m really thankful that they were there to become our goals.

Liyuu: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Payton: Thank you!

Looking back at the release event, did any particular moments stand out to you?

Emori: The moment at the very start when the curtain rose and revealed the nine of us with individually colored lights shining down on each of us. I was looking down while waiting, so I had no idea that that moment was actually such a beautiful sight.

Payton: For me, it would be the 9-member version of Watashi no Symphony. Up until the end of the first chorus, it was just the 2nd gen members, and we joined in after that. The sea of lights in front of us only consisted of four colors, and it instantly changed to nine colors then. Before then, there were only five colors, so seeing such a beautiful sight moved me.

Liyuu: As for me, it would be how our performances as five and as nine have felt completely different. I danced a lot during the rehearsals but watching everyone sweat and move on stage made me realize once again that this is what a performance as nine looks like.

Sorry for the sudden change in topic. Among the members here today, is there anything that you admire or want to learn from them?

Emori: I’ve got it written down! For me, it would be Naomi’s singing power and her humility.

Payton: Wha-?! That’s embarrassing!

Emori: All of the 1st gen members are like that, but her singing voice is so stable that it’s so good. She’s also way too humble but in a good way. Humility is a trait that people have to be mindful of all the time, so I want to learn from that. As for Lichan, it would be how she completely understands her own cuteness. She always knows how to look cute from any angle!

Liyuu: (Sits up straight)

Emori: Also, whenever I ask her, “How should I do my makeup today?”, she always responds immediately (laughs). She’s so well-informed about what it means to be cute.

Liyuu: I think Paychan is “frank”.

Payton: Frank?

Liyuu: She always speaks her mind in private, though she always ends up apologizing right after (laughs). It’s great that she always says what she wants to say. Though she’s probably only like that to me!

Payton: (Laughs)

Liyuu: Emorin is really cheerful, as everyone probably already knows. She’s always showing 100% of it. I also really like how she always speaks up immediately if there’s something on her mind.

Emori: It shows on my face too.

Liyuu: Yeah! I never really thought about the 2nd gen’s point of view, so when we were talking with each other, she brought it up to me, and that was when I first realized how much pressure they were facing. I think it’s great that she said that to me. Before that, I’d only seen them work their utmost best and didn’t understand what they were going through.

Emori: I’m so happy! I remember that conversation when we were taking the same train.

Payton: I’ll go next. Lichan is really positive and doesn’t worry too much. I’m always feeling down about what I say or do and end up worrying a lot, so Lichan always says to me, “Huh? No need to worry about that~”.

Emori: I totally get what you mean!

Payton: Because of that, I started realizing that I shouldn’t get hung up over those small things, which made me want to change myself. Now, I’m working to change my negative streak into a positive one. Lichan changed my negative personality.

Emori: I completely get it. I agree with everything you said.

Payton: In the past, Lichan declared, “I’m cheerful!”, which I found really interesting. I want to be able to say that too!

Emori: During the rehearsals, there were many times when Lichan was the only one who was still cheery. Even though the other eight were completely spent and feeling like they wanted to hurry up and leave, she was still imitating everyone else (laughs).

Liyuu: That’s because everyone was there too! We’d all gathered together, so it would be a waste if it wasn’t lively.

Payton: It’s that part of Lichan that helps us through! Aya is really good at putting her thoughts into words. She has a good vocabulary and is really good at speaking, so I’m always impressed by how she can convery her thoughts in interviews and live streams. It makes me want to work hard to improve too.

Emori: I’m really happy! It’s the first time someone’s said that to me. I’ll continue polishing my language skills.

The theme of the teaser visual for the Anime’s second season was “Chasing after them, surpassing them”. How did you all react to this?

Emori: Oh yeah, during the 2nd gen’s foundational lessons, I told the staff, “I want to chase after and surpass them!”

Payton: I didn’t know that!

Emori: That’s why they were like, “Aya, that’s what you said!” I’d made that declaration, and when the teaser visual came out, I felt that it was a theme born out of the feelings of the first years towards the second years..

Payton: No matter how you look at it, it was clearly a theme born out of the 2nd gen’s point of view. But after thinking about it, the 1st gen also shares the same feelings, and for me, my target would be Sumire-chan. Even if it's the same words, it means different things to different people.

Liyuu: As for me, I want to surpass the past me!

Emori: Wow, so cool!

Liyuu: Doing the same things over and over again won't lead to any improvement.. Because we became a group of nine, I could take on new challenges and surpass my past self!

I’m sure everyone’s preparing for your 3rd Live Tour right now. First, Emori-san, you’re a 2nd gen member. What’s your biggest task or goal?

Emori: There was something that the staff said to me during the release event. “I can’t feel Natsumi…”

Liyuu: Oh my god!

Payton: That must’ve been such a shock.

Emori: It was a total shock, and it hurt to hear. I had been trying my best, so I had no idea how to appear like Natsumi for some time. I had studied everyone’s dancing for myself, but I still haven't completely figured out how to stand together with Natsumi on stage yet, so I'm still thinking about it. Since then, I’ve kept that goal in mind, and know that I need to work even harder.

Payton: Anyone would feel the pain from those words…

Liyuu: That’s the first I’ve heard of that. Wow, that’s quite a situation…

Emori: The juice of my heart (tears) spilled out. They told me that precisely because they had high expectations of me, so I worked hard in response to that. I’ve never danced with a carefree style before, but her expressions are always really dynamic, so I had to discard all the baggage I had and start from scratch.

Liyuu: No need to worry too much~ Emorin, you can do it!

Emori: That’s what I love about you, Lichan!

This question was asked previously in a Liella! special feature for the 1st gen members. Liyuu-san, you said that dancing is your weak point.

Liyuu: Yeah, dancing! I totally couldn’t remember the choreo for Tiny Stars. It took me twice as long as the others to remember it.

Payton: But recently, our dance instructor commented, “Liyuu, you’re memorizing the choreo faster now.”

Emori: Yay, that’s an improvement!

Liyuu: Thank you! But I particularly remember the time when I remembered the choreo to Shooting Voice!!. I took the same amount of time as everyone else, and I was like, “Wow, I’m pretty good!” (laughs). It was the most complex choreo we’ve had so far, so I was happy that I could match everyone else. I hope that I can slowly improve myself.

Payton-san, you also talked about your own dancing skills too.

Payton: I had my own solo dance section for Nonfiction!!, so I knew it was the perfect time to give everyone a great show! Because we’re now a group of nine, I felt like I had to reevaluate Sumire-chan’s position. On stage, Sumire’s the type of person who would perform something that screams “Look at me!”. I studied her movements and tried to figure out how to overcome my own desire to stay low-key. I heard “You’re not showy enough” quite a lot, so I wanted to show myself off more.

Liyuu: We’d already gotten used to performing as five after over a year, so I wanted to show our improved selves as nine. I’m working hard so that I can show off our powerful, shining selves to everyone!

Payton/Emori: Let’s do our best together!

Last but not least, a message for the fans!

Payton: Our 3rd Live Tour will start real soon, so we’ll do our best to perform each and every single leg while also keeping our health in utmost on our mind. I’ll perform together with Sumire-chan in a way that shows off all her charms to everyone. I’m really looking forward to meeting everyone!

Liyuu: There'll be people who first watched us perform as nine, whether it be in the release event or in our 3rd Live Tour. Because of that, I want to show off how much we've changed from we were five. I’m in the middle of practicing really hard, so please look forward to it! Let’s make some really great memories together!

Emori: Thank you very much for supporting Liella! all this time! I’m so excited about what kind of tour our 3rd Live Tour is going to become. I want to perform to the best of my ability, so I’m preparing myself while also thinking of everyone. Even if you’re still not sure about coming, there’s still time! I’ll make sure that it’s a concert that you’ll walk out completely satisfied with and leave with no regrets, so please look forward to it!

TLC: xIceArcher QC: Yujacha

[santalsaburablog]

The adventures of Santal. Chapter 17. Testing of younglings

Understanding is respect for the truth that does not lie on the surface.

An ancient Jedi tradition: six Younglings are sent to the caves of the planet Ilum, where a gathering takes place — a ritual, according to the results of which everyone gets the crystal necessary to create their own lightsaber. During the trip, the guys overcome great difficulties, the most difficult is self-knowledge. After passing this test, they enter a huge new world for themselves. Including Santal.

The exciting moment didn't last long. Santal heard footsteps and ducked back into bed. Her fellow clansmen came.

— How are you feeling? Max asked.

— Much better. I collected the sword. And you?

— Us too! — the guys showed their blades.

Max and Trilla have blue, Landa has green, or rather, emerald, Dasha has pink, and Green has orange.

— You have turquoise! Green was surprised. — Cool!

— Hurrah! We are full-fledged Jedi now! Max shouted with joy.

"They're not full—fledged yet," Landa said. — We still have to learn and learn.

— Soon the others will also go for swords, — Dasha said. — I wonder what kind of swords others will get.

— We'll see.

The guys hugged. After chatting a little more about everything and telling all the news, the clan members left, promising to come back tomorrow.

And they came. Early in the morning. The full composition. So Santal was not bored. Although she had no books and was not allowed to leave the room, she was constantly thinking about something. And she never parted with her sword for a minute, like a child who received a new toy. She could look at the hilt for a long time. Delight and awe did not come off his face.

Soon Santal was discharged. And the girl happily hurried to class.

After the trip to Ilum, the lives of six guys from the Santal group changed. Much more attention was now paid to fencing in the classroom. Even more than before. For hours, the children practiced the racks, the techniques of Form 1. It wasn't easy. After all, it is much more difficult to fence with a real sword than with a training one. To hold such a weapon in your hands is both exciting, but at the same time scary. The realization that you can accidentally harm, and maybe even kill. In the future, when everyone learns more and more stands and techniques, and everyone will have real weapons, the first sparring with real swords will begin. But it won't be soon. In the meantime, sparring continued to take place only in training.

— It's too early for you with the real ones, — said their curator.

Otherwise, life flowed on the same course. Santal spent all her free time reading holobooks. She especially loved to study the book "The Way of the Jedi". For a huge amount of interesting information, presented clearly and accessible. Even the beloved librarian Jocasta Nu was surprised by such a desire for knowledge.

The girl did not forget the physical training, the love for which Dooku instilled in her. It's amazing: what she was afraid of has become almost her favorite. When the extra classes had just begun, Santal could not imagine that the old master would be able to interest her. But it happened. She even started reading educational literature on martial arts and was very surprised when she found out how many fighting styles there are. She wanted to learn everything!

And with a lightsaber, there was something in between. When they just started practicing stands and techniques on real swords, Santal involuntarily remembered her first fight with training swords. How everyone was worried then, including her. She was afraid that it would not work out again. However, to her surprise, fencing was a little easier for her than acrobatics. But not so much that it was just too easy.

That day, she took a green training sword. As an opponent, she got Max. Which she was happy about. The first match ended in two minutes. Max swung, Santal was scared. As a result, the sword was knocked out of his hand.

— Never lose your concentration. Sometimes one second can decide the outcome of a battle — you can't hide anything from Yoda's keen eye.

Another problem of sword fighting is that only the hilt has weight, which complicates the duel. But the remark of the Wisest Santal sobered her up and it became easier for her in the next duel with Dasha. Really, what is she doing? After all, even Master Dooku somehow gave her a hint even when he was teaching hand-to-hand:

— To win, you need to find the opponent's weakness and focus on it! Use his own power against him, until he gives up or gives up this case.

So why doesn't she use the advice? The girl gathered herself and won. But I had to sweat with Green. There was already a draw here. Then Santal began to notice that everyone fights in their own way. They all look like something or someone in battle. But she couldn't think of a suitable comparison yet. Even for myself.

In general, she had the ability to use a sword. And at the level of "good". Apparently, they got it from their ancestors. And as Vocara Che said, if there are abilities, you need to develop. When you plant a seed, you need to take care of it, and only then will a branching tree grow.

It would seem that everything is fine, but no. There are a couple of "buts".

Firstly, a few days after Ilum Santal had a nightmare. She fell through the ice. The ice floe turned over, and the girl was trapped. Panic seized her. She tried to get rid of the ice floe. Nothing worked. Oxygen was running out. Santal tried desperately to fight for her life, but she couldn't. It was starting to get dark in her eyes and then she woke up in a cold sweat in her bed. It feels like they've really been doused with ice water.

After Ilum, Santal became afraid of water and did not want to go into the water. It began to seem to her that she would start choking again.

The second "but" — Santal continued the tradition of approaching the bust of Master Dooku every evening and looking at it. Despite the fact that the girl became much better, she could not completely forget what had happened. And I didn't want to.

So several months passed. Quite routine, without any incidents. And then one fine morning Santal woke up and realized that today she turned 10 years old! The first anniversary! So, I want a serious gift. And of course, attention.

And Santal got it. Gift. But not from those from whom I expected.

According to the rules, Jedi should not celebrate a birthday. But despite this, the Santal clan congratulated each other and gave gifts to the best of their abilities. And in general, it should be a normal day for the Jedi. Except for the day a Jedi turns thirteen. This day was very important for every Jedi student. Then he officially becomes a padawan. By tradition, this day was not celebrated with a magnificent holiday, but was spent in silence, in meditation and meditation. And on this day, the teacher handed the student a gift with meaning.

Jedi masters usually think about a gift for weeks or even a month, often travel to distant planets to bring something wonderful to the student: for example, a healing crystal or a wonderful cloak from the planet Pasmin, where weavers make an amazing fabric — very warm and at the same time almost weightless.

Every padawan on his thirteenth birthday was obliged to take time to think in silence. Concentrate and bring to life all the memories — both good and bad.

When Santal read about this, she immediately wondered what gift her friend Obi-Wan had received. And what was her surprise that it was a river stone. An ordinary river stone. At first, the padawan was a little upset, but then it turned out that the stone is Force-sensitive. And one day a gift helped him out a lot. Unbelievable!

Although the story did not seem entirely plausible, Santal still believed it. Jedi never invent and lie only as a last resort. Unlike the Mandalorians.

Santal still couldn't forget Django, the way she was told that he allegedly killed six Jedi with his bare hands. She did not believe in this nonsense and will not believe it. In her opinion, the Mandalorian simply exaggerated and in fact there were two Jedi, or maybe there were no Jedi at all. Because the Jedi are invincible. Well, almost (Santal remembered about the Sith). But Django is not a Sith and is not Force-sensitive at all. Another argument in favor of the fact that the story is fake.

The more the girl thought about it, the more she wanted revenge. And no, she wasn't going to kill him. Especially since he wanted to become a father. That would be wrong. But he must answer for humiliating her in front of the teacher. Although thank you for bringing me and giving me hints. At the same time, he almost killed her would-be teacher! It's decided. She will take revenge. She will train. And when she grows up, she will defeat him in front of the crowd. That will be the case.

Daydreaming, Santal did not notice how she crashed into Anakin. He was walking towards her. It was clearly visible that he was holding something behind his back.

— Oh, I'm sorry!

— Nothing. By the way, happy birthday!

— How do you know?

— Your clansmen said. This is for you.

The boy pulled his hands out from behind his back, holding a small droid. A black domed hemisphere with a red photoreceptor. There were several limbs with different attachments.

�� Do you like it? I made it myself. More precisely, I modified it, and before that I found it when he was walking around the Temple, and remade it, completely changing his memory and role. Now it's your personal multifunctional assistant.

Skywalker began to list the functions. Santal liked the built-in voice recorder for several days, the stun gun and the ability to monitor objects the most.

"Is it him or her?" the girl asked.

— She is. I thought it would be better this way.

Santal didn't know how to react. It's... just… She didn't expect to receive such a treasure. The girl just hugged the donor.

— And what model?

— ID-8SPU72. I came up with it myself.

Santal took the gift and went to her room.

— You and I will be friends.

In response, the droid tweeted to her, and the girl realized that in addition to Tweelek with the language of Lekku and Hutt, she would also have to learn a binary language. And she also planned to study Duros, so that she could impress her uncle later. If ever their paths converge. If they get together at all.

Then life went back on track again. The guys trained, studied, had fun and just lived. There were often exercises with a training droid in the form of a ball. Deflection of a blaster charge using a training drone. Max liked this kind of training the most. He did not miss the opportunity to show the "lightning" invented by him.

"We must always rely on our feelings in everything," the Wisest often repeated.

There were speed exercises, where in a duel with an opponent you have to constantly accelerate attacks and movements until someone shouts "sola", which means "I give up". But Santal decided for herself that this word would never be shouted.

According to the rules, victory is achieved with one disarming blow — shiim. It leaves a superficial wound, forcing the opponent to drop the weapon or temporarily paralyzes the limb. Which is very Jedi.

— Almost perfect. There is literally a little thing missing," Yoda said when Santal demonstrated all the learned techniques of Form 1. Attack, parry.

The girl shuddered, exhaled and straightened a loose strand of hair.

— "Almost" does not suit me, — and with even more effort she began to activate the sword in different positions. Wanting to achieve perfection. So that it was right exactly.

The girl also continued to practice healing and was already able to cure cuts and other minor injuries. There have been difficulties with fractures so far. Once she wanted to master the treatment of poisons, but her Vocara stopped her and said that it would be mega difficult for her. This technique requires great concentration and so on. So I had to abandon the idea.

But Santal did not even suspect that she was in danger. And not only to her, but also to other younglings from her clan and not only to those who distinguished themselves in a good sense of the word. Who has mastered the entire youngling training program, theory and practice. And he just showed himself. And the name of this danger was "Trial".

Officially, it's called the Junior Jedi Trials. Without them, it is impossible to move to the next rank. Padawan rank. The test consists of three exams:

1) It is necessary to show knowledge and understanding of the Jedi Code.

2) It is necessary to demonstrate your own achievements in self—control - through meditation and lightsaber combat.

3) It is necessary to prove that the Force flows through you, and does not rest on the stone lying in its path.

When Santal first found out about this, she was scared, as she had never encountered this before. This is the first test in her life. And if she fails? Strength, the first exam. She was already shaking.

—Calm down,— Barriss told her as she sat down next to Santal at the library table. — It's not that difficult there.

— How do you know?

— I have already passed two stages, the last one remains.

— Wow, and how?

— In the first test, you need to recite the entire code by heart and show that you understand the meaning of the mantras. In the second I fought with Tutso Mara. As they explained to me, it's not the victory that matters, but how you fight. Without aggression and other negative emotions, not wishing the enemy harm, not trying to win at any cost. And here is the third… I think the Council will assign an individual easy task. But it is impossible to predict which one.

- thanks. You've helped me a lot.

— Please. If you want, we can study together.

— Come on.

— This will help you in your studies, girls, — Madame Jocasta put some cards for them.

After a while, Santal remembered what else she wanted to ask.

— By the way, have you already gone to Ilum?

Barriss smiled at the corners of her lips. — According to Mirialan traditions, my teacher will be a Mirialanka. And then we'll go to Ilum with her. It won't be soon yet.

— Wow, how you... everything is running.

When there was little time left, the girl was already restless. And in two days, on the night before the exam, I woke up ten times. I fell asleep once, and when I woke up, I saw that it was getting light. She was afraid that there was very little time left before the exam, and she was not prepared. But when one of the Jedi caught her and returned her to her place, it turned out that on the contrary, it was getting dark. The girl sat down at the table again, trying to understand the Code.

The night before the exam, she couldn't sleep for a long time. She kept tossing from side to side, lying on her back, looking at the ceiling. It seemed to her that she had forgotten everything. And then she didn't notice how she closed her eyes and fell asleep. And when I jumped up, there was half an hour left! However, Santal knew that there are emergencies when you need to jump up and get dressed quickly. There should not be a single unnecessary movement. So the girl trained.

Realizing that now the moment has come, which can be called an emergency, having dressed in five minutes, the girl ran to the right place. In the end, I won five minutes. Green and Max were already standing by the door. The Jedi Council did not take the exam from a large number of beings at a time. Therefore, they appointed different days and different times. Busy people, what can I say.

Santal was afraid that she would be called first. However, Max was called first. He calmly entered.

— Are you nervous? Green asked.

Santal didn't deny the obvious.

— Wow. Are you scared? I do not believe. With your abilities…

— What are you starting?! Santal couldn't stand it. Not only that, she is already nervous, afraid to forget something and not pass. So also this one stuck.

— And what? Am I wrong? Everything is easy for you!

Santal was outraged to the limit.

- Yes? Have you forgotten how I couldn't do a somersault?

"Oh, I haven't forgotten that. You know what? I think you were pretending. Come on, admit it.

It seemed to the girl for a moment that she was on trial.

— Well, no! I don't want to admit what I didn't do!

— You're lying! You know I don't like liars! Yes, you were afraid, and then abruptly... you got scared!

— Quiet! a voice came from behind the door.

Green paused, but showed with a look, they say, then we will definitely finish.

Five minutes later, a satisfied Max came out, whose smile gave Santal confidence in a good outcome. The girl thought that now they would call her, she would confidently walk out the door and amaze everyone with her understanding of the Code.

However, as luck would have it, Green was called. Mikkianka came in, and Santal was left absolutely alone.

A long corridor, surrounded by silence, which always frightened the girl. Because there are no sounds around you. It's like you're in a vacuum. And it is unknown what will happen next. It's also creepy. Suddenly, now someone will jump out from around the corner, or just a feeling appears that you got into the wrong place, in the wrong place.

Santal began to reassure herself that she was in the right place. I began to remember what I had taught. The main thing that had to be learned was a five-line mantra, which consisted of the Jedi Code.

The girl memorized the first, second and fifth. The third and fourth were poorly remembered. Santal often forgot them, and tried to peek into the datapad when she was preparing. But then everything seemed to fit in my head. Nevertheless, the girl again forgot everything on the day of the exam, and being the last one left, she began to think, maybe it's better to run away? Power, she doesn't remember anything again. There are no emotions — there is peace. There is no ignorance — there is knowledge. No… And then what?!

No matter how Santal strained her brain, nothing came to mind, as if someone had hidden the knowledge, but she could not find it.

It seemed like an eternity before Green came out. The girl did not wait for her to be called, and went in herself. On wobbly legs with a cold inside. As if she had drunk a bottle of ice water before.

—Don't worry, young Jedi. The trials of youngling are an inevitable part of the path that everyone must and usually goes through.

Santal was not at all surprised that the Wisest realized that she was nervous. Then a blind man would understand. Everything is as obvious as possible.

The girl inhaled and exhaled through her mouth.

— So, yunling. Are you familiar with the Jedi Code? Master Windu asked sternly.

— Of course, — Santal decided that she needed to name five lines first. — There are no emotions — there is peace. There is no ignorance — there is knowledge…

The girl tried to speak slowly and calmly to make a positive impression and delay the inevitable. She thought she was going to stumble, but everything didn't go according to plan.

— We would like to know how you understand them.

Well, so be it.

—Well... the first... line says that a Jedi should always be calm. Emotions interfere with seeing the picture clearly and cloud judgment ... — as the story progressed, the girl slowly began to relax.

Santal recalled what the teachers said, generously diluting their opinions. She tried to tell as much as possible. That's probably why she was interrupted:

— good. And how do you understand "there is no passion — there is serenity"?

Precisely! Santal had an idea. There is no passion — there is serenity. There is no chaos — there is harmony. What she forgot.

— So… I think it means that a Jedi should have serenity in his head. It is necessary to remain calm in any situation. Do not rush to conclusions and do not let emotions lead you. We need to control them.

So Santal philosophized, as it seemed to her, for half an hour. In the end, she said that death is the natural order of things, although in her heart she strongly hoped that her parents were not in the Afterlife of Power, but simply lost somewhere in unknown regions.

In general, the Jedi were satisfied and released. She passed the first exam. And this made her feel so happy, as if she had already passed everything. Santal wanted to rush, jump like a gazelle.

Until I remembered about the next exam. You will need to demonstrate your experience in self-control in lightsaber combat. But who will be her opponent? Santal wished it was someone she knew.

Having found out the next date, Santal began to repeat all the stands, techniques, exercises, spending several hours a day fencing alone, with a droid or asking someone to spar with her.

But there were few consonants, which made it a hassle again. The girl really did not want to drop the bar set at the first stage of the tests. This evening, on the eve of the exam, she was engaged in activating her sword in different positions of Form 1. She practiced jumping in the air, double strikes, attack and parry techniques, honed almost to perfection. It seemed to her that a little more and the sword would break in two. She also trained previously hated acrobatics, especially what became her calling card — running along the wall and flipping behind the opponent's back.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Annoyed that her workout had been interrupted, Santal opened the door. Green was standing in the doorway. A sword hung from his belt. The girl was wary, fearing the worst. She was about to pull the lightsaber by Force and activate it.

— Ready?  Mikkianka asked.

— To what?  Santal asked, and she thought, "Well, that's it. We're going to fight now. Oh, and it will fly to us."

— By tomorrow's exam, of course. How stupid you are. And how you were admitted to the trials, you bastard.

Mikkianka pursed her lips, turned around and left. Santal continued to stand in the doorway, looking after her in confusion. My eyes stung, I wanted to cry. She couldn't figure out why. What did she do to her? Still calling names… As if she would have guessed what it was about. And this word "blatnitsa"... Green sincerely believes that she is like that. And it's a shame, because it turns out, in her opinion, Santal can't achieve anything on her own. And it's useless to explain, Green won't believe it, even if she tells the truth.

Santal wanted Green Pine to be her opponent tomorrow. They will come together in a duel and then she will prove to her that she is good in herself. She'll try.

However, the next day again, as luck would have it, the Council seemed to conspire and paired everyone with those they do not know. Santal got a twilek boy, whom she had never met. Probably, it was done so that the duel was unpredictable. And indeed, she didn't know what to expect from her opponent. Out of the corner of her eye, the girl noticed that Green was paired with a Wookiee, Max with some kind of Rodian.

The duel has begun. So far, everything has been going like clockwork. Santal mostly wielded her left hand, but sometimes she held a sword with two, so as not to drop it during a strong blow. The girl saw that a tweel with dark blue skin was studying her, trying to predict. And indeed, he doesn't know her either, which means you can use it.

Realizing that she had a slight advantage in her hands, Santal made a couple of deceptive tricks. As a result, she lightly touched the opponent's left hand. The boy screamed, but continued the fight. It is necessary to wound two more times so that you can be considered that you have won.

The girl turned around three hundred and sixty degrees, holding the sword in her right hand as far as possible so that the blade looked back. She made an arc with her left hand. The boy was scared for a second, and then he did this: he raised the sword over his head. Santal repeated the movement, but at the crucial moment he knelt down and brought the sword diagonally with the blade down. As a result, Santal's leg was slightly injured. One—one. The girl got excited.

The duel accelerated. Santal began to twirl her sword quickly, making half-turns, spinning and jumping. She tried to break the enemy's defenses, to deliver a more powerful blow. And it didn't always work out. The tweel boy was flexible and deftly dodged. The girl began to be pushed against the wall. Santal started to panic when she remembered that Master Dooku had talked about what was needed to win.

— To win, you need to find the opponent's weakness and make him suffer! Use his own power against him, until he gives up or gives up this case.

"But you can't forget your strengths and weaknesses," the girl happily recalled.

She can do her trick. Santal jumped, dodged and counterattacked. Feeling that she was close to the wall, she turned around abruptly, ran up to her. Now she clearly felt the Power and the wall that she, the little girl, was receiving. Running up the wall, the girl pushed off and jumped back. The boy reacted and stretched his right arm back, like Santal before. The green and blue blade created an even cross.

For the first time, tvilek used Force and slightly pushed his opponent away. The girl flew a meter away, landing on her ass. She stood up, and then performed the main six smooth movements of Form 1 at high speed. The blade of Santal's sword was at a height of two centimeters from the opponent's shoulder. The boy jerked, as a result he received two small burns. Not serious, but moderately painful. Santal got scared and put the blade away.

— Maybe "sola"?  The girl asked, ready to deactivate the sword at any moment.

— Sola, — the boy sighed.

The duel was over. The girl wiped her sweat wearily. She looked back at the Jedi who had seen all the duels. Her and others. There were almost no emotions, neither positive nor negative.

Suddenly Santal had an idea, she came closer to her opponent and raised her hand over his wound.

— What are you doing?  tvilek was frightened.

"I just wanted to heal the wound.

— Do you really know how? — the boy was skeptical.

- of course. I studied with the main healer Vocara Che.

Tvilek wondered if he should trust a strange girl. I decided to try it. Santal was worried at first, but in the end she was able to heal a simple injury. It's not for nothing that I've been training for so long.

In the test, it was not important to win, but to show self-control. The girl thought that she had coped. After all, she fought without aggression, and even then she helped, which will also count for her. Then, just in case, she took tweelek to the sick bay, whose name, as it turned out, was Terry Maruno.

An additional stage of the second exam was meditation. That was the only thing Santal wasn't worried about. She loved meditation. The main thing is that there are no visions during it. Fortunately, everything finally went off without incident.

The girl was announced that the last test was left. Santal was glad that she would rest soon. In the evening, going to bed, she pressed a piece of the blanket to her chest with a wide smile on her face and fell asleep.

This time the dream was normal. Santal dreamed of a boy with brown eyes. She was playing ball with him.

The next day was free and the girl decided to rest and gain strength. She went for a walk around the Temple, to look into the Hall of a thousand Fountains, and then to sit near trees, a pond with fish, with which so many bittersweet memories were associated.

Santal lay down under a tree, folded her hands behind her head, and closed her eyes. It's an incredible feeling to do nothing but listen to the sounds of nature and feel the grass under you, as a light wind blows.

The girl did not notice how she dozed off. And when I woke up, I ran back to my room, deciding that I had stayed too long.

As she was running past the dojo, the door suddenly opened. Standing on the threshold was someone Santal didn't really want to see. It was Green. And she was quite belligerent.

— Oh, what a meeting. Let's go," Mikkianka beckoned her with her finger, inviting her to the dojo.

Santal, not being stupid, immediately realized what would happen, and decided that it was not worth retreating. Do not delay the inevitable. The girl pulled her sword into her hand and went inside.

— So what? "What is it?" she asked. — Shall we talk? Or will we start right away?

Green tilted her head slightly, standing apart from her. Then she turned around, showing her profile, abruptly activated the sword, uttering a cry, swung the weapon over her head. Santal reacted with lightning speed, standing in a stance: legs shoulder-width apart, blade straight up, arms extended to the right.

The first really serious duel in Santal's life has begun. Because the opponent fought as if he wanted to smear her on the wall.

It was obvious from the very beginning that Green was not like Terry. It is also flexible, but more like a battering ram. She's more brusque. But most importantly, unlike Terry, she knows Santal well. She has known Santal for a long time. About six years is enough to study habits, preferences. Santal was sure that Green, thanks to this advantage, would be a more formidable opponent. It will be much more difficult to defeat her. After all, this girl has known her since she was four years old. She can predict her actions, what techniques and positions she uses in close combat.

For half an hour Santal spun, did somersaults, made arcs with a sword, put the blade down, then up. Every second, the sound of swords crossing could be heard. The air was saturated with ozone.

Green was a good fighter, that's a fact. She managed to parry all the blows. She even kicked her opponent in the stomach a couple of times. The first time was successful, pushing off from the wall. Santal flew away, and then bent over. The next time the girl kicked the Mikkian's leg with a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn and knocked down the blow.

Another arc. More. Santal's sword blade caught Green's sword blade. The result is a synchronous arc.

Gradually Santal began to feel that her strength was getting less and less. And she went to the trick. The girl sat down on one knee, bowed her head and turned off the sword. Green came closer in shock. And Santal just needed it. She jumped like a nexu, snatched the sword from her hands and deactivated it. And then she pushed him into the wall by force. Green hit her and slid to the floor. Shaking her head, she watched with wide eyes as Santal approached her, activated her own and someone else's swords and made a cross.

Green lowered her head and then stood up. There were tears in her eyes. Santal was afraid that she had inadvertently hurt her and tried to help. However, she was pushed away.

— Leave me alone! No favors needed!  Green snapped.

Santal shuddered.

"I wanted to help," she whispered.

"What are you mumbling about?" You should be happy. You won.

"I cheated in the end,— Santal admitted.

A spark of anger flashed in Mikkianka's eyes for a second and then went out.

— And what? There are no fair fights. What a stupid bastard you are.

— That's enough!  Now it was Santal's turn to shout. — Stop calling me that! What did I do to deserve such an attitude?

— I've explained it to you a hundred times!

—Oh, yes," the girl quipped. "You think I pretended I couldn't do acrobatic exercises. But let me tell you something. So, in confidence. On the ear.  Santal leaned close to her ear and yelled. — I WASN'T PRETENDING! I was really afraid to do a lot of things! Because I was afraid of getting injured!

— And what? That's a problem for me, too. I was falling, but then I got up.

— And I didn't want to be hurt. And I also didn't believe in my strength!

- why? — Green was surprised and for the first time the anger completely disappeared from her face. — You're smart. This is a fact. You know the theory well.

— Yes, but not in terms of practice. I was absolutely sure that nothing would work out for me, looking at the others. It seemed to me that all these somersaults and jumps were impossible.

— It's very possible. It's just that you, it turns out, were too insecure about yourself.

— Master Dooku decided to help me, but in the end the training was ruined because I refused to do a somersault. We had a fight. I still remember what he said to me. That I'm bothering myself, that I'm letting fear control me. But it was easy for him to talk. And then I'll have a nightmare where you're all making fun of me. Including you.

Green was surprised again. Stronger this time.

— That's how… I didn't know.

— No one knew. I didn't tell anyone, and why. It's just a dream.

Mikkianka wanted to disagree, but kept silent.

— And then… What made you believe?

— This dream made me. I decided to prove out of spite that I'm not a coward. It was the first time I felt such a surge of strength. And I did what I was always afraid of.

— And then it went like clockwork.

- yes. I was taught, like everyone else, to trust the Force. I am one with the Force and the Force flows in me. It's not my fault that I was born so sensitive.

— How many midi-chlorians do you have?

"I was told fifteen thousand."

— And I thought more. I have fourteen thousand.

— Almost the same.

Green sighed and continued:

— You know… I've always envied you. I came to the Temple in my infancy. Come on, I'll show you something.

Green led Santal into a large hall where there were a bunch of babies of various races. They were all in cots floating above the floor. Absolutely identical, transparent with some turquoise circles and handles. A med droid was walking nearby.

"I used to lie here, too," Green said sadly. — I don't remember much about my past. Just the med droid who coddled me. And then I got into the clan when I was 3 years old. And then you showed up, they brought you. Do you understand? Brought. You weren't here originally. You were brought from your home planet, which means you remember life before the Temple! At least a little. And most importantly, Grand Master Yoda himself brought you!

"Not really. I lived with my aunt and uncle on my home planet of Ryloth. I didn't know my parents and didn't see them. I was told that they died, but I don't believe and one day I will find them!  Santal exclaimed fervently. "But a Jedi didn't bring me from my planet. There was something else before that…

The girl told the version that she told the Council, that is, not the whole truth.

— Wow. I never imagined that you could have such skeletons in your closet. No, I knew you didn't know your parents, I remember you saying something like that, but still… It seems that not knowing is sometimes better than knowing. And yet… I'd really like to find out who my parents are. But you're lucky, at least you know they're Jedi. Although I've never heard of Sabura's last name. Oh well. There are many of us. More than ten thousand. And these are only knights! I'm sorry I set this up. Instead of talking… I just didn't like that you got everything easily. You were pushed, and as a result you got a guarantee. You had extra classes with Master Dooku, and now with healers. In fact, you have several paths. Several options for the future. You don't have to worry about your future, whether they take you or not. And even if they don't, you'll be a healer, for example. And people like me have to fight every second for the right to a place in the sun. That's why I freaked out. That everything is easy for you.

— But there are a lot of people like me.

— Maybe.

— Not "maybe", but it is. Believe me, I understand you. I know what it means to be jealous. Everything was going great until Skywalker came into my life. And from that moment a dark streak began. Troubles poured in one after another. Everything went awry. My friend's teacher died, the Sith appeared for the first time in many years, but most importantly, the one who promised to take me as a student after the tests left the Order!

Santal didn't quite understand why she was telling everything, but she felt that Green wasn't a liar. Moreover, she is from her clan and loves honesty. Maybe she's not using the information she's received against her. And why?

— In general, this guy not only knows how to pilot starships, drive racing cars, but also a mechanic. He even made a droid! And he was only ten years old then! Also, when he got here, he immediately became a padawan.

— Yes, I've heard about it.

— That's it. He wasn't a Youngling, unlike us. He already has a teacher. He doesn't have to worry about being taken or not.

— And he will never have his own clan.

— It's just not fair. A lot of attention is paid to him now. And you say… I'm so-and-so.

"Looks like I jumped to conclusions.

— The world?

— The world.

Of course, after that, Green and Santal did not become great friends, but at least the dislike disappeared.

At the last exam, it was necessary to demonstrate the abilities of the Force by immersing yourself in it. Santal was asked to lift a large stone to a certain height. Nothing special. She was hoping for a more difficult task. Oh well. She liked it. When you trust the Force, the sensations are unforgettable and unique. The deeper you dive, the stronger the feeling. It's like you're underwater, but you can breathe. Your mind is clearer than ever. It's like you're connected to a holonet, a kind of unbreakable connection. You just have to let her guide you, concentrate and feel her, trust her. Trust is almost the most important thing in a Jedi's life.

But now she's free. Finally, she can breathe a sigh of relief. And not only because she passed the tests. A huge weight was lifted from her soul. Santal has been worried about the tension with Green for so long. But now they have settled everything. It's all over now.

The quarrel with mikkianka made Santal think about the relationship with other comrades. Are they all right? Is there harmony in them? It seems there is. She just doesn't talk to everyone often. Maybe catch up? For example, to help Svanta become bolder. Or listen to Justin, who loves tinkering. And also Landa with a difficult fate. She doesn't talk to many people anyway. And they have just established a relationship. It would probably be better if they spent more time together. Then funny Nick with his jokes. Fayon with his plans to change the world's opinion about the Zygerrians. Anna, who is often dissatisfied with a lot of things. Strength, each of them is unique in its own way.

Then other friends not from the clan. Barriss, who loves to read, with whom it is pleasant to discuss texts or just hear a voice. And her eyes... Such a beautiful shade, heavenly blue. Senior Comrade Obi-Wan... I wonder how he copes as a teacher? He's never taught anyone before. Skywalker is his first experience. I'll have to ask you sometime.

But the main thing is to try to escape again for a walk on Coruscant. For example, to the bar where she met Django. Who brought her to Dooku. Not to Master Dooku anymore...

Memories of the last meeting spoiled the good mood instantly. The girl became sad. It was almost the most terrible day. She saw and heard so much there. Torture, insults, attempted murder. By the way, how's the guy she was trying to save? Did he get out? I'll have to ask this Fett if they ever meet again. And his warning not to mess with... whatever his name is. No matter.

Over time, she will grow up and she will have nothing to fear. And now she will be more attentive to herself and others, watch what she says, and will study more. But he won't get too close to anyone. She will communicate more often with those whom she has known for a long time and in whom she is sure. And then suddenly she will relax and someone else will betray her for some reason or just leave for one reason or another. That's why you can't get attached. So that it wouldn't hurt later. But Santal Sabura will not allow her to be hurt again.

[onewomancitadel]

I wrote all those posts (Cinder is polite, Cinder's speech patterns) yesterday once again on archetypal blindness with Cinder and what amounts to the typical fandom flanderisation with characters. Tangentially to that topic is like when the headcanon went around and gained traction that Cinder couldn't read. Because she was abused and enslaved so when would she ever become literate? Notice that this is again on theme of 'feral woman' - unkempt, lack of manners, inability to read, a collection of traits that run counter to her actual character and canonical facts we know to be true (she went to Beacon, Salem is her master, Salem canonically 'teaches' her), but again you've got an archetypal grouping going on here (and some gendered stereotypes at play as I was saying).

I made brief reference to this in another post but there has been a resurgence of interest in female villains specifically of the feral woman variety. Cinder is an interesting study because historically two categories of acceptable female villain archetypes have been assigned to her: the cold sexy calculating femme fatale, and now the feral woman archetype. There are a collection of traits in her character that can align with those at different times, but they ignore the context of her character and generally flatten her. Why does this matter? Because I think the memetic nature of fandom makes it so that fanon predominates interpretation before canon and it basically defeats the point of engaging with canon at all.

That we've seen this archetypal shift over time accompanying the narrative shifts her character has gone through is actually its own interesting study; I would say that part of what has reformed Cinder on Tumblr has been this archetypal shift itself that people have begun to accept (though the fact that it's tonally not really appropriate is another matter, canon tone is not a concern with archetypal trends in my experience). I also know of some major blogs that have encouraged this type of interpretation of her, most fanart and most posts I've seen about her generally come from either of these archetypal angles. Archetypes are powerful. Jung wrote about them for a reason, even if psychoanalysis doesn't hold up now the way it did then; fitting people and characters into schema, particularly in group settings like fandom, is an easy pattern to fall into. Ironically.

What's interesting is that right now you can actually see the holdover of the femme fatale in some parts of fandom because the changes on Tumblr are not happening everywhere - so the femme fatale and other sexualised/objectified female villain archetypes are held in tension with the current feral woman archetypes of Tumblr, and both are kind of happening at the same time. I think that the feral woman is also partly an expression of sexuality, just in a different way - if female sexuality is suppressed under the proper performance of femininity, female sexuality can be expressed through the feral woman who is usually of voracious appetite. The irony is that, again, the feral woman archetype can become its own boxed in set of expectations. The problem is once you associate female sexuality with villainy, it's going to have thematic consequences that may be unintended. This is why I think 'true' romance can play a major role in Cinder's redemption arc and have positive consequences for, well, sexuality, and not leave the 'sexy' archetype she played as something, well, completely associating sexuality with villainy.

What does this all say? I don't mean to condescend to anybody. I think the memetic function of fandom and flanderisation of characters clearly has some purpose, otherwise it wouldn't be a thing we see over and over again. It's partly related to prosocial behaviours and building community over finding things compelling. It's also partly knowing how to say the right things and making sure other people also know you believe the right things about xyz character. This is where fandom and canon interpretation get messy. Because it's not like I'm exactly making friends myself.

It's interesting how powerful the role of archetypes are, though, in that they can even transcend canon and colour interpretation to the point that it's almost unrecognisable as what it was originally, and in others can give you the thematic key to the story. The subconscious way we interact with storytelling is really diminished now, mostly because of conscious narrative cynicism, but in this case can really explain fandom behaviour.

Does it matter? Let people have fun. That's the refrain I always encounter. Well, it's not fun for me and I don't like venturing out beyond my blog, and you're supposed to write and create the things you want to see. So I try to write and create the things I want to see. I think that much is obvious. But it does get kind of lonely and frankly it does get kind of boring seeing the same character repackaged across fandoms and seeing stuff that so obviously ignores Cinder's actual character (... or Jaune).

[yourqueerbookshelf]

How Not to Drown In a Glass of Water, by Angie Cruz

“You never heard that word? You said you’re dominicana. You don’t understand Spanish? Oh, just a little. OK. Desahogar: to undrown, to cry until you don’t need to cry no more,” (p. 35). — Normally, the books I post on here are immediately recognizably queer, but that���s not the case with How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water. The main character, Cara, isn’t any type of queer, which is normally what I’m looking for, and even though she can only ever bring herself to allude to the word (or anything adjacent), queerness plays an important part in one of her most sacred relationships. For that, as well as just being a well told story in its own right, I think this book deserves recognition here. — The Great Recession has just begun, and after having lost her factory job of over 20 years, Cara is now struggling to pay rent. To continue to receive unemployment benefits, she must complete twelve sessions with a job counselor who slowly becomes an ear for all the things Cara seemed determined to never talk about. She came to New York from Hato Mayor with nothing but her infant son and her own determination, desperate to escape a death she was sure awaited her. Now, her neighborhood is being gentrified, her community is slowly being dismantled, and her familial relationships are fraught with discord. To Cara, who has worked so hard to hold up everyone around her, the only thing holding her up is herself. — It was interesting to watch Cara’s life story unfold through her own voice, and to sympathize with her in instances where her logic was clearly flawed and her stances were not relatable. Seeing somebody’s story from the beginning, from their own point of view, I think increases our capacity for empathy and understanding (which doesn’t mean that we need to agree with their actions). Being able to hold a story in your hands and digest it at your leisure gives you the space to learn and take away your own lessons. — “Learn this from me: Sometimes when you can’t change your ánimo you have to have people like Hernán to remind you about the important things in life. Sometimes we need help to not drown in a glass of water,” (p. 139).

[bippot]

A Real Headscratcher

Story Summary -> The two BAU younglings clearly feel something other than friendship towards each other. Despite how much Morgan and the rest of the team tease them, the dynamic duo progress at their own adorable speed.

Tags -> Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Crushes, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Drinking, Awkward Flirting, Touch-Starved, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug

Would you prefer to read this on AO3? Click here!

Over the years, Spencer had grown more accustomed to people touching him. He still didn't like it. He still would prefer if he was left untouched. But if someone held their hand out for a handshake, he no longer declined the offer. He did rigorously wash and sanitise his hands after every encounter with a new person, though.

The rest of the team had begun to notice this new, more relaxed Reid.

Coincidentally, this change had occurred a few weeks after a certain Agent Y/N had joined the BAU; a young woman whom Derek had affectionately begun calling 'Peanut' since she had dethroned Reid as the youngest of the squad and had brought a peanut butter sandwich for lunch on her first day.

Together, the two youngsters had become fast friends. The new arrival quickly took a liking to Spencer's quirky personality and was the only person who allowed him to ramble on and on for as long as he wanted, about whatever he wanted, without interrupting or changing any of his train of thought.

Whereas Spencer was particularly fond of the way Y/N always gave him a helping hand socially whenever he needed it. He knew he wasn't the easiest to interact with sometimes, but with Y/N's advice and guidance, he was getting better.

After a particularly disgusting case, the team were on the jet and on their way back to Virginia, and they were all ready for a long weekend. The 'dynamic duo', as they'd become known, sat next to each other, both quiet and absorbed in their own thoughts.

"Hey, look at Pretty Boy over there," Morgan whispered to Prentiss, nudging the arm she was holding her drink in and causing it to splash down her shirt. He snorted but was quick to apologise, "Sorry, we can have a wet t-shirt contest later if you want payback."

Emily brushed her hand down the wet patch as she glanced in the direction of the duo to find Reid pretending to read. His book was firmly in his hands, yes, yet his eyes flitted between the page and the woman beside him, who was busy watching the clouds outside the window. Spencer's eyes were practically hearts behind his glasses as he watched her, his mouth slightly open and his tongue poking between his lips, and he looked utterly fascinated, completely enamoured.

"Oh, that's adorable," she teased, looking sideways and catching Morgan's eye with a knowing smirk.

Y/N finally took her focus off the window, realising she was being stared at by the young brunette. "What?" she questioned curiously, giving Spencer what she hoped was an inquisitive smile. Reid suddenly realised how creepy he must appear staring at her like that, so he tried to pretend that he wasn't doing anything weird but couldn't help smiling an incredibly goofy smile in return.

"You look tired, Y/N."

"That's no way to talk to a lady, Reid," Morgan interrupted, raising an eyebrow with a playful smile playing on his lips. "You still look beautiful, Peanut."

Spencer dipped his head to hide the frown that appeared due to Morgan's comment, and his fingers gripped onto his book a little tighter, which was obviously noticed by the profilers opposite. Even Hotch let out a quiet huff of something that sounded like laughter from where he was sitting, having turned around to see the display.

"I didn't mean it like... I, uh, I just..." Spencer trailed off, trying to come up with something to say. He looked across to gauge Y/N's reaction in the hopes she'd help him out and not embarrass him further.

Instead, he found himself looking straight into her bright eyes, which had crinkled at the corners as she giggled at him. Her hand made its way to his thigh and gently squeezed in an effort to comfort the confused boy, who had seemed to turn into a blushing, flustered mess in front of her, and her smile grew impossibly bigger at his bashfulness.

"I've been called worse, doctor. Don't sweat it."

With that, she went back to watching the passing scenery, while Spencer and Derek stared at each other, having a conversation with only their facial expressions. It didn't take a genius to figure out what Morgan was trying to urge Reid to do. It seemed that Reid was reluctant to go through with it. He looked across at Y/N and bit his lip nervously before shaking his head.

For the next hour or two, they all tried to get some shut eye, some more successful in their attempts than others.

Prentiss was snoozing with her cheek squished against the glass.

Hotch had spread himself out and had a sleep mask on, so who knows if he was truly sleeping or not?

JJ had fallen asleep a couple of minutes into the plane ride - she'd called Henry, and then, boom, out like a light.

Rossi had brought along a neck pillow and draped it around his head, apparently content to sleep away the remainder of the flight with the occasional snore escaping his slightly opened mouth.

Derek, well, he had his eyes closed but he had yet to drift off. He was too busy listening to the dynamic duo as they were in the throes of a passionate conversation, both of them leaning forward intently towards one another, their heads close together, and their voices hushed.

"I don't know what to tell you, Spencer, but I know - with one hundred percent certainty - that I'd prefer to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer over Star Trek any day."

"You've got to be kidding me?" Reid said, almost shocked that she could ever consider such a thing. "Star Trek has endured for over fifty years. It transcends generations, and it's still going strong!"

"Yeah, well, have you even watched Buffy?"

"No." Spencer narrowed his eyes. "Have you ever seen Star Trek?"

"No."

He opened his mouth and seemed as if he was about to continue, but gave up with a laugh and shook his head in amusement. Y/N grinned at him and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as if she were assuring him that this argument meant nothing and it was just for fun.

"If you wanted to, and I, uh, u-understand if not, I'd be willing to endure a Buffy marathon with you. Any time."

His voice faltered slightly, and for a moment, it was like he had forgotten how to breathe. It felt like his heart stopped beating momentarily. For a second, he could feel his stomach churning uncomfortably, but the sensation vanished quickly and Y/N nodded her head in reply, unable to contain her grin at his response.

"You can try and turn me into a Trekkie if you'd like."

"Oh! Okay, yeah, I'd like to. W-we can arrange that. We can sort that out."

They soon settled down enough to fall asleep, heads resting against each other's and failed to notice Morgan whisper, "My man," under his breath. He peeked out of one eye to catch a glimpse of the good doctor and his soon-to-be sweetheart. Prentiss was right, he thought, they were adorable. And Derek had half a mind to take a picture and send it to Garcia.

After that, it was impossible not to notice how comfortable Spencer had gotten while interacting with Y/N in every way. The team was unsure whether the pair had actually gotten together yet, but they knew it was only a matter of time. The boy wonder often rambled about how they went to the library, the cinema, or had those TV watchalongs.

And it seemed that the pair were so close that they'd developed their own sort of language, even if they were unaware of its existence.

"Hey Spock," Y/N greeted as she entered Morgan's hotel room where they'd been going over the case after hours, her hands coming down on his shoulders to gently massage them. He'd positioned himself right on the edge of the bed, so Y/N took the opportunity to kneel behind him and rest her chin on his shoulder.

On this particular case, Reid had to read through thousands of pages of a psychopath's very descriptive diary, which was filled with gruesome descriptions and diagrams of torture. The rest of the squad had gone to dinner, yet Spencer had waved them off. They knew there was only one person who had a chance at changing his mind.

"Take a break?" But instead of stopping like she asked him to, he continued reading until she pulled the book out of his hands. "...Please."

"Fine," he replied with a sigh. "The unsub-"

"A total break. No work talk."

"But -" She gave him a look, one that was stern but soft at the same time, and he gave in.

As she went to pull away, she noticed that his hair was a complete mess. "Did you brush your hair today? Or at any point this week?" she teased while she reached up to brush through his thick locks with careful fingers, untangling the knots she spotted with ease.

"We were called out pretty early this morning, Y/N," he reminded her with a playful inflection in his voice.

He tried to say something else, but it died in his throat as her fingers worked through his hair, massaging his scalp in such a way that he was turning to mush in her hands. His body relaxed, and his head lolled back against her palm. When she finished detangling his hair, she continued to further relax him with her touch until he let out a borderline embarrassing whine.

"Ah! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make that noise," he told her, sitting bolt upright in embarrassment. His ears were bright red as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as if he could somehow rub away the blush that had appeared on his face.

Frankly, Y/N was proud that she could pull a noise like that from him. There was no doubting that it would be imprinted on her brain forever since it was so cute. She grinned in triumph while she tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. "No need to apologise, Spence."

To show how little of an apology she needed, she resumed working her fingers through his hair again, this time more forcefully and with a little more pressure, causing Reid to once again moan softly at her pleasurable treatment. They stayed like that for a while, neither really caring that much about how fast the time was flying by.

Just as another noise fell from Reid's lips, Morgan reentered his hotel room and stood there for a few seconds in stunned silence when his eyes landed on the embrace his two friends were sharing on his bed.

"Well, well, well," he started, making them jump out of their skin. "I'd prefer it if you use your own room to canoodle, kids."

Their faces flushed as they scrambled apart from each other as though they had been caught doing something forbidden. "Uh... we weren't… we... we...uh..." Reid stuttered incoherently, completely failing to find the words to explain themselves without sounding like an absolute idiot.

"Pretty Boy, I'm just teasing you," Morgan told him, holding his hands up in surrender as he walked closer to the bed, his gaze shifting between Spencer and Y/N. "Although, I'm planning to get at least two hours of sleep, either you guys leave or you give me the keys to your room, your choice."

Looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes, the pair made a silent agreement and shuffled out of Morgan's room quietly. As soon as they were in the hallway outside, both of them burst out laughing, both at the awkwardness of their situation and at how they were probably going to endure even more teasing.

They began to slowly walk in the direction of their rooms, both of them swinging their hands and almost knocking them into each other with every step they took. Their laughter faded away and was replaced with nervous smiles, the awkwardness still lingering in the air. It was only when they neared Y/N's door that one of them spoke up.

"Are you hungry? We both skipped out on lunch earlier, so..." The brunette asked suddenly, looking down at her with hopeful eyes.

"You want to go and grab food?"

"Maybe we could order to the hotel? I haven't eaten anything all day except for breakfast."

"Has anyone ever told you you're a genius?"

"Funny enough, they have."

Soon enough, they were huddled on Y/N's bed, surrounded by Chinese takeaway boxes, and watching cable TV as they ate, talking animatedly as they enjoyed each other's company. By the time they'd finished their meal, they hadn't managed to wipe the grins off of their faces once. And neither of them was willing to move an inch from their spot. They were too cosy, too warm, and too full from eating, so as the night turned into morning, the pair were once again side by side as they drifted off.

From that mission on, whenever Reid needed calming down, Y/N knew exactly what to do. And after getting used to it, Spencer began to ask beforehand. Not vocally, no. Whenever he wanted her to play with his hair, he'd simply and subtly tap her thigh, which was his way to silently plead for the girl to pet him.

Obviously, their coworkers had witnessed many strange things over their years as profilers, but none of them expected to ever see the touch-phobic Dr Reid urge someone to initiate physical contact with him. It was a rather shocking revelation for everyone who knew him.

It all came to a head one evening when the squad convinced Reid to join them for one of their after-work bar nights. Morgan had heavily stressed the fact that Y/N would be there and she would want to see him, and as much as the doctor didn't particularly enjoy these nights out, he was swayed by the suggestion anyway.

The only problem was that Y/N had caught the attention of the recently hired bartender there, who proceeded to flirt with her nonstop. Reid, due to his lingering second thoughts about the outing, was last to arrive and, as soon as he walked through the door, was already regretting his decision.

"Doctor, you're late," JJ teased, nudging him with her shoulder and gesturing towards the bar. "It looks like Y/N's still ordering our round if you want to go and add yours onto the tab. Rossi is paying, so go wild."

"Have you ever known me to 'go wild', JJ?" Reid asked dryly as he headed in the direction of the bar.

"Tonight could be your night. You never know, Spence."

That sentiment rang through Reid's head as he approached the other half of his duo. Y/N was smiling but as he got closer, Spencer noticed a certain fakeness to it, almost as if the girl was forcing it. A bolt of something sweet went straight to that big brain of his as he realised she never looked at him like that. All of her smiles had been genuine when they'd been directed at him. And that was proved when Y/N caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and broke out into a real, goofy grin that caused him to do the same.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to turn up," she greeted him cheerfully, holding her hand out for him to hold. He took it, and to his delight, she pulled him in for a hug.

She was a little wobbly and a lot more giggly than usual so it was obvious she'd had a few drinks. Judging by the glare he was getting from the bartender, Spencer assumed she'd got those drinks for free as a way to sway her affections. There was a flush to her cheeks as she looked up at him, and his heart skipped a beat when he caught a glimmer of something in her eyes.

"Do you want a drink, doctor?" she asked playfully, tilting her head to the side and giving him a coy look. "They do mocktails if you'd like something fancy."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll take a mocktail."

"I'll get them," Y/N volunteered, squeezing his hand before releasing it and waving the bartender over. The guy was quick to try flirting with her again despite the fact that Spencer was right there and still had his arm wrapped around her.

Did the bartender not see him as a romantic threat? How was that possible when he was literally the one who was closer to her in every sense of the word? Was it so unlikely? Reid's brain was working overtime, desperately trying to come up with a solution to this issue as he stood there, helpless, watching the bartender make a very flamboyant and fruity-looking mocktail.

"Are you wearing a new cologne, Doctor?" Y/N questioned, a hint of flirtiness in her tone. It was just enough to cause Spencer to very loudly gulp and avert his gaze. Accidentally, he looked directly at Morgan, who gave him (what Derek intended to be) an encouraging wink. Whether it was, was another thing.

"Uh, y-yes," Reid managed to squeak out, before mentally kicking himself for being so obvious.

"It smells nice. You smell nice."

"I do?"

"You do."

Before Reid could thank her, the bartender placed the drink right between them and that disturbed any response he would eventually mumble out. Instead, he hurried to take a sip as an excuse to not say anything other than a hum of approval. It was delicious - he had to admit that. Maybe he should branch out from extremely sweet coffee once and a while.

Throughout the night, Reid stayed glued to his friend's side and did his best to ignore the knowing looks the other members of the squad were giving him. Y/N kept him on his toes with the amount of times she caused a blush to appear and his IQ to drop by twenty each time she made a playful comment.

By the time they left the bar, he was a total mess. And although Y/N had only been a little tipsy - it seemed that she only needed a little bit of liquid confidence to act upon her feelings - he was determined to make sure she got home.

Working a job that constantly forced him to see the worst of humanity, well, he had an obligation to ensure nothing bad happened. Safety first, after all.

Getting more time to hang out with her was a close second, though.

The pair made it back to Y/N's apartment in no time. It was a relatively short walk, and the streets were quiet at that late hour. The night air was warm and humid and the moon was full, giving their journey an ethereal glow. Neither of them said much. They didn't need to. There was no need to break the comfortable silence as they made their way closer to her door.

Spencer let Y/N lead them up to her apartment door. He even allowed her to hide behind him when one of her drunk neighbours stumbled into the elevator they were in because she didn’t want to interact with him. She stood behind him, her hands on his hips and her forehead resting against the back of his shoulder.

It was only when the drunkard - who'd not paid attention to Spencer at all - left that Y/N came out from hiding. "Sorry, Spock. Last time, he spoke to me about buying a timeshare for a full hour and I couldn't go through that again," she apologised sheepishly.

"I hide to avoid talking to my neighbour almost every day. It's a small price to pay for peace and quiet."

"That doesn't surprise me."

Once they were inside her apartment, Y/N immediately flopped face down on her couch. Spencer plopped down beside her feet and, without prompting, untied her laces and slipped her shoes off. He then did the same with his shoes, leaning back and getting comfortable.

"You're so sweet to me, Spock," Y/N muttered, lifting her face from the pillow she'd squished herself into to look at him. What she was greeted with was adorable. Reid had his hands intertwined behind his head, sitting criss-cross applesauce with his eyes closed.

Because of how he looked and how sweet he was, Y/N got to her knees and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. His eyes snapped open and his jaw dropped so he was gaping at her, blinking slowly.

"W-what was that for?"

"For being you."

"Oh. Okay." He tried to hide his confusion, but the look on his face was priceless. For all his intellect, he couldn't work out what the hell she meant.

So, to give him a helping hand, she gently placed her hooked forefinger under his chin and tilted his head up so he'd meet her eye.

"For making me happy," she whispered, pressing her lips to his in such a way that Reid was so startled by her display of affection that he forgot to respond for a moment until his hands came up to either side of her face and deepened the kiss.

That was all it took to send him plummeting into the depths of lust-induced oblivion. Spencer was acting purely on impulse as he pushed Y/N down on the couch and pressed his body into hers, trapping her underneath him with his knee between her legs.

Breaking apart, he let out a breath and leaned his forehead against hers. "Morgan is going to be so smug," Reid joked, "When he finds out I kissed you."

"You kissed me?" Y/N repeated jovially, winding her arms around his neck. "Is your memory different to mine, Mr Eidetic?"

"I'll just tell him about our second kiss."

Before she registered how smooth that had been, Spencer's lips were back on hers. He was eager and hungry and intent on making her dizzy. He held nothing back, and neither did she. Their lips collided in a storm of moans and groans, tongues tangling and fingers clutching at each other. Reid moved away for a moment to take off his tie and undo the first few buttons of his shirt.

"It's getting a little warm in here," he muttered, finally realising his skin was on fire thanks to her touch.

With this new stretch of skin uncovered, Y/N couldn't help herself and attached her lips to his newly uncovered collarbone, kissing up his neck to his ear and biting down gently on the lobe. He made a noise that was somewhere between a groan and a whimper, and he let his head fall back so he was looking at the ceiling.

Her fingers toyed with the remaining buttons of his shirt, teasing them open to get access to the skin underneath. Reid kept his eyes closed as she continued her exploration, enthralled by the attention she lavished upon him. Eventually, she was able to slide the fully opened shirt off his shoulders and ran her palms down his sides until she reached his belt.

"Spence? Do you want to continue?" Y/N asked, her voice breathless yet understanding. He beamed at her with eyes as wide as a bush baby. Reid could barely form a coherent thought, but clearly still held some grasp of his gentlemanly nature.

"Let me take you on a date first. Please? There's a few showings of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari at the Palace this month. I've been trying to gather the courage to ask you for seven months, eighteen days and -" He checked his watch. "Ten hours and thirty three minutes."

"You're adorable, Doctor Reid." She nudged the tip of her nose against his, and let her hand trail up to rest in his head, her thumb drawing soothing lines against his pink cheek. "I'd love to."

Their glee was evident. It was palpable. Spencer placed his hand on her thigh, just as he'd become so accustomed to over the months, and expected her usual response. Yet, when Y/N tangled her fingers in his hair and lightly tugged his chin up, her eyes focused on his lips, he wasn't disappointed with the change of routine. Quite the opposite.

"Do I have to wait until our date to kiss you again or am I allowed to do it now?" She coquetted, raising and wiggling her eyebrows in a teasing manner.

His response was instant. "Now!" He cleared his throat, afraid that he'd been too eager. "I mean, now if you want. Yeah, uh...now." She peppered his cheeks with sloppy, wet kisses until he was breathless and desperate for a proper smooch. It didn't take long before he was guiding her into position to get what he wanted.

It was safe to assume that their very intelligent, very observant colleagues were going to be difficult to hide from. Especially when, in all the excitement, Spencer left a hickey on Y/N's collarbone. One that was just a few centimetres too big to be hidden by her work shirt.

*Click here for my Spencer Reid masterlist, or here for the entire masterlist*

Wanna be added to a taglist? Either comment on this post or send me a message!

[phantom-ellie]

The Art of (Smashing) Crockery Chapter 27: 5150

Click here for CWs/Full Chapter List

Stede Bonnet is having an out of body experience.

He sits in the Emergency Room, head resting on Ed’s shoulder, knowing that he feels tired and a bit sad, but not much else. And he can’t do anything about anything. He doesn’t know if he doesn’t want to, or just can’t. He gets the sense that Earth is still turning, but his soul is at a standstill.

Ed hands Stede his own phone so he can unlock it and text Mary. Tell everyone he’s okay. But Stede just stares at the phone for a while. He can see it. He knows he’s supposed to do something with it. But the connection from his brain to his fingers to the phone back to his brain is broken.

Ed finally places Stede’s finger against the fingerprint sensor and unlocks it so he can text Mary. Soon Ed has become Stede, Stede’s entire social life, telling his wife and his crew and whoever seems to care even a little what Stede cannot. That he’s okay, he’s alive.

Stede doesn’t really believe that he is.

Mary arrives, and he just stares ahead as she gives him the scolding of his lifetime, or pulls him into a hug, or rubs his shoulder. He’s an empty vessel that is simultaneously too full for input.

Stede had begun to reclassify all of the people in his life in his mind, so it wouldn’t hurt. So he could leave. Mary is Doug’s wife, Alma and Louis are their children. Ed is someone else’s friend.

But they’re still here? With him?

He’s called back to see the doctor. Stede gets up to follow the nurse, and sees that Mary is coming with him. He turns back to look at Ed. He has a question that he doesn’t know how to ask.

“Not going anywhere, mate, I promise.”

Stede nods, and imagines himself smiling back, and isn’t sure if he actually does. He follows the nurse. It’s easy to follow directions. It’s easy to surrender control of his life to people who know better how to care for it.

---

When Mary returns to the waiting room hours later, it’s alone.

This wasn’t how she’d pictured losing her husband. She’d wanted her marriage to end. She hadn’t expected Stede to want everything to end.

His friend (boyfriend?) is still in the same spot. He’s on the phone with someone. He spots her and waves her over.

“Hang on, she’s come back out, I need to know what’s going on. Call you back?” He tucks the phone in his back pocket and looks up at her.

“He okay?”

“Uh, no?” Ed’s eyes widen. “I mean, he’s a total mess, I don’t know what happened! We were texting and everything right up until this morning.” She sits down. “I think they’re going to keep him.”

“How long?”

“The full 72 hours, probably. After that, they have to find a place for him in a specialized hospital.”

“But he’s going to be ok?”

Mary shrugs. How is she supposed to know? “The doctor said it isn’t the worst he’s seen, and he came willingly and seems to want to get help, so I think he has a good chance.” She sighs. “I don’t know what to tell the kids.”

“I have a friend who helps people through this kind of thing for a living, he is a bit of an asshole but I can probably guilt him into giving you some advice.”

Mary sits down and sighs. She feels pangs of guilt coming from all directions. Why didn’t he tell me he was struggling? How could he do this to this family? Why didn’t I insist on helping him sooner? Who the fuck is this Ed guy? If I hadn’t been with Doug, could I have stopped this? What kind of asshole doesn't even try to say goodbye?

“We’re gonna need so much family therapy,” she sighs.

“Hey, therapy is awesome. Everyone should go to therapy.”

Mary smiles and holds out her hand. “We weren’t formally introduced. I’m Mary, Stede’s soon-to-be-ex-wife.”

Ed shakes it. “I’m Ed, the owner of Stede’s favorite rage room.”

“What is a rage room?”

“Oh, it’s a business where you destroy lots of objects, glasses, appliances, that sort of thing. To get it out of your system.”

“And… that works?”

“Clearly it fuckin’ doesn’t,” Ed mutters.

Mary laughs. “I’m sure this isn’t your fault, Ed.”

“Well, in case you change your mind and decide to sue, don’t bother, I’m shutting it down soon anyway.”

“Why? Because of Stede?”

“No. I mean, that’s part of it. But I’m just bored with it. I want to do something new. Stede was going through some big life changes and I thought… we could both make some big changes. Together maybe.” Ed still doesn’t meet her eye.

“Are you Stede’s boyfriend, Ed?”

“No.”

“Do you want to be Stede’s boyfriend?”

Ed blushes, just a little. “I mean… I guess we’ll see. When he’s better.”

Mary smiles at him. “Well… I hope he’s smart enough to agree. It would be good to have someone like you in his life.”

“He has me no matter what.”

Eventually Ed gets back on the phone, and Mary pretends to read a magazine so it doesn’t seem like she’s eavesdropping.

“Don’t hold out on me, Iz. You know the best, I want the best. The best fuckin’ facility you can get a bed in. 72 hours. I promise you, he can afford it. Who do you think dropped a 20 grand donation on Los Robles the other week? The fuckin’ tooth fairy? Stede fuckin’ Bonnet, that’s who.”

“He did what?” Mary mutters to herself. What the fuck has Stede been spending money on?

“No, I don’t know if he’d be into art therapy. A-animals? Animal therapy? What’s that, just having, like, a dog?” Ed looks over at Mary. “Does Stede want a dog?”

“Don’t get Stede a dog, Ed.”

“Izzy says he doesn’t have to get a dog, they have horses.”

“I don’t think Stede should be buying a horse, either.”

“Iz, does Stede get to keep the horse? No? He doesn’t get to keep the horse. Moot point.” Mary nods. “Ok on temporary horses, ok on art. Look, do you want to just talk to his wife? She probably knows more about him than I do…”

Mary shakes her head. “I really, really don’t.”

“What about water therapy? I know it’s for physical shit, Iz, I meant for me. My knee got fucked up at Jack’s. And don’t- listen, I don’t need a lecture from you. Get Stede a bed and me someplace to unfuck my knee and I’ll pay your fuckin’ rent for a year. Oh, and I need someone to get my bike. It’s at Pigeon Point. Yes, I know how far that is, dickfuck, I was just there.”

The conversation continues, and Mary sits back with a newfound sense of hope. With friends like these, Stede will be fine.

---

Stede Bonnet,

This is an apology. I handled things the wrong way. I interfered when I shouldn’t have. Said some things that aren’t true. I got you a bed at St. Anne’s Behavioral. Get better so I can do this in person. Jim, Wande, Buttons et al say hi.

~Izzy Hands

PS: You break Ed again, you buy him. I mean it.

Stede holds the card in his hands. It had arrived attached to a bouquet of flowers. Blue hyacinths, white orchids, sunflowers. Apology flowers. Pretty.

Nobody who has truly wounded Stede has ever apologized to him before, not sincerely.

It feels… hopeful?

There’s hope. There’s help.

There are so many flowers around Stede right now from all his friends. He accepts it now, that they are truly friends. They didn’t have to care about him, they could have let him drop off the face of the earth. But they didn’t. They had kept trying.

Stede realizes that he needed that. He needed people in his life who thought he was worth trying for.

And if he’s worth trying for, isn’t it worth trying for them? Isn’t it worth making an effort? You only get one life.

Maybe Stede’s life is worth fighting for, just for a bit longer.

---

It’s been 48 hours, and Ed doesn’t even pretend there’s anywhere else he’d rather be. If Stede can have visitors, Ed will be there. He arrives with a bouquet of sunflowers. He’d already sent flowers ahead the day before, but he was worried that there wouldn’t be enough, that Stede would be sitting in an empty, colorless hospital room.

He needn’t have worried. The fucking things are everywhere when he arrives.

“Ed,” Stede says softly as Ed enters and admires the garden.

“Stede,” Ed replies, “Jesus, how many are there?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really counted.” Stede looks around. “They are lovely though, aren’t they?”

“Fuck yeah. Never seen so many.”

“How are you doing, Ed? Has it been difficult for you?”

Ed places his bouquet on the floor and sits down. “Fuck, Stede, I’m fine, it’s you I’m worried about. Talk to me, how are you feeling.”

Stede twists his mouth to the side, thinking. “I think… I’m better, maybe? I don’t feel much, good or bad. I’m just sort of… existing.”

“They got you on anything?”

Stede nods. “Oh. yeah. I don’t know what the meds are called. But they won’t kick in for a while. Just have to wait, you know?”

“And you’re… okay with that?”

Stede looks at him and smiles, just a little. “Yeah. I’ve waited this long to be happy. What’s a few more months, right?”

“That’s the spirit.” Ed fistbumps Stede’s shoulder.

In return, Stede squeezes Ed’s hand.

“I’m sorry, Ed. For putting yo- everyone through this. There was a better way.”

“You weren’t thinking clearly. It’s okay.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever thought clearly. But… some things are more clear to me than ever. If that makes sense.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know… why I am the way I am, for starters.”

“You mean… gay?”

“I mean everything. But that, too.” Stede looks Ed in the eyes and takes a deep breath. “Listen, Ed…”

“You don’t have to say something just to make me feel good, Stede.”

“I’m not. Just… do you still feel? Some kind of way, about me?”

Ed doesn’t know which answer Stede wants to hear, which one will do damage, so he goes with the truth. “Yeah, man. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. But I’ve loved… I’ve had a crush on you for a while now. I’m sorry for springing it on you when I did. It was wrong.”

Stede nods. “It was the wrong time… but not the wrong feeling? If that makes sense?”

Something warm leaps in Ed’s heart.

“I mean… I might have felt the same way, and maybe still do? You felt like…” Stede thinks about it for a second. “Like, family? Safe? Like a warm blanket? Like I could be who I am around you? And it felt good.”

“Felt good?”

“I think it still does, feel good. Except I can’t feel much right now. Everything is dull.” Stede looks down and plays with the edge of his hospital gown. “But I want to feel that again. For you. I hope I do. I want that for you. And for me.”

“Stede, it’s no pressure. You’ve had too much happen in your life and you need to get better. Then we can talk about those feelings more.”

Stede nods and looks back at him. “Ed, I’d like… a have a few favors to ask of you.”

“Anything, man, name it.”

“Will you… wait for me? To get out of the hospital?”

“Of course, Stede, it won’t be that long.”

“They said it could be a month or two. We haven’t known each other that long…”

Ed grabs Stede’s hand.

“Stede, nothing I feel for you has changed or will change. I care about you now when you’re like this, right? I want to get to know you when you’re happy.”

Stede’s face almost cracks into a smile at that, as deadened as his emotions are.

“Thank you. Also…” Stede looks around at the flowers. “Could you take care of my plants? I don’t think most of them will last, but that monstera deliciosa should be okay.”

“I’ve got a couple of my own, mate, it’ll look even better by the time I’m through with it.”

“Thanks.” Stede squeezes Ed’s hand. “There’s… one more thing.”

“Name it.”

“I don’t have my phone right now so I had Mary print out the information. It’s in a folder in that drawer over there.”

Ed pulls out the folder and opens it. He smiles.

“Can you look after it for me, Ed? There’s no one else I’d trust with it.”

Ed chuckles. “Yeah, mate. It would be an honor.”

Chapter 28

[sepublic]

Abominations for Amity, Darius, and Alador

If what appears to be an Abomination-pattern on Amity’s dress is deliberate here, then I’m fascinated;

We know in Reaching Out that Amity has either begun to read/consider Darius’ ideas, or has already been implementing them for a while; Possibly since Eclipse Lake! And that’s clearly a sore subject for Alador...

Thematically, Amity’s Abomination technique seems to be inching closer to how Darius would do it, instead of her father; Something Reaching Out will likely explore. Amity started off as externalizing Abominations as mindless drones, but as of now, they’re more fluid constructs attuned to herself; Basically an extension of Amity, and not unlike how Darius’ magic manifests.

If Amity is wearing some sort of Abomination dress, then that means she’s taken it even further; Her magic is now adhered to her body, practically a part of it at this point! So even if Amity does well in these fighting rings, her success coming from Darius’ techniques and not Alador’s is likely going to result in the latter’s disapproval regardless. You can’t do it THIS way, it has to be MY way!

And I find it fitting; Alador is less overt about it as Odalia, but he still wants control. His magic manifesting in Abomatons, separate drones that he commands, reflects this; Whereas Darius, he seems to prioritize self-care and personal agency, as we see with his pampered attitude but also encouraging Hunter’s independence. His control is not outwards on others, but towards himself; Darius is very self-oriented and wants power over himself, not others, because the coven already has more than enough recruits as-is. This is reflected in how he keeps up his appearance while Alador doesn’t, being a grimy little man.

So it’s appropriate that Amity is styling her magic after Darius then; She’s less about controlling others now, but instead about exercising her own personal agency and direction. Amity is directed inwards in having autonomy over herself instead of others, just as Darius believes in and encourages self-care and independence; And like Darius, Amity has invested into her personal appearance. Likewise, Darius and Amity’s magic is flexible, adaptive; Which reflects how they’re willing to change their minds on others, like Hunter and Luz respectively.

Methinks this won’t be the case for Alador this episode; At most he adapts his plans, but one could argue he was just sticking (ba-dum tsss) to his original goals anyhow, by convincing Odalia to make Amity into the Abomination Head. Plus, Amity and Darius at least do things themselves, instead of setting up proxies to vicariously perform those tasks for them; Unlike Alador, who makes Abomatons and turns his kids into puppets for Odalia, singling out Amity to become Abomination Head for him. One could argue that Alador has also resigned himself to doing work for his wife (not that he can’t override her whenever he chooses of course), which of course adds to the interplay between personal agency and drones. He’s not doing it himself and not even entirely for himself, either!

So all of this just makes Amity stray further from Alador’s ideals, as someone who doesn’t bother to self-reflect nor consider; Simply making mindless robots out of his creations, which are made to obey any buyer. One could even apply this to how Alador’s most personal ‘creations’, his very children, have been leased out to Odalia; He lets Odalia take the reins in indoctrinating and customizing their kids as she sees fit, basically making them for her. And this is not unlike how Belos lobotomizes Hunter so he does exactly as he’s told, so Darius observes.

And/or, I have to wonder... @smokestarrules suggested that Amity’s abomination dress can also turn into a suit of armor, not unlike the Abomatons that Alador makes. So in a way, Amity is incorporating the best of both worlds in her father and Darius’ magic styles; Externalizing the abomination as a fluid and organic technique, AND making it a part of herself as a sturdy and powerful suit of armor! Galaxy-brain Amity has it both ways, IN BOTH WAYS!

We even kind of see this in the last episode; Amity is mostly about that personal type of Abomination, but she’s still flexible and capable of adapting as need be, summoning a separate Abomination when chasing Tinella Nosa! Amity can go back and forth between both worlds at will, combining the best of both techniques; And unlike Alador, I feel snooty Darius is going to adapt his own beliefs to admit Amity has a point, and encourage her; Just as he has with Hunter!

Because unlike Alador, Darius ultimately cares and that’s why he’s willing to be proven wrong, for the sake of betterment. This is art for Amity and Darius, personal expression, not just mass-produced products designed explicitly to harm others, because these two are constructive and encourage people (like Hunter for both of them) to choose for themselves. They’re more than someone else’s single purpose for them and they know it, they’ve got imagination and free thinking.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Tripped Into Love ~ MYG [Request]

WORD COUNT: 3.5k

PAIRING: Yoongi x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Fluffy, friends to lovers, opposites attract, best friends friend, fluffy yoongi, yoongi having a crush on the reader

Yoongi was 100% without a doubt in love with you. There was something about the way you dressed. The way you acted. The way you held yourself. You were the complete opposite of everything he was and everything he thought he wanted in a partner. Everything about you had him head over heels in love with you. 

From the moment he met you he knew there was something about you that drew him in. Something that made him feel as though he could never let you out of his life. Jungkook wanted you all to meet and so he set it up, way back before everyone debuted. Yoongi figured you would be exactly like Jungkook but he couldn’t have been more wrong. The fact that Jungkook felt the need to warn the boys about you should have been his first guess that you were nothing as he was expecting but in a good way.

“Just remember I said Y/n can get a little excited over things, and when she sees something she thinks is cute she’ll keep telling you how cute she finds it,” Yoongi rolled his eyes at the persistent Jungkook. He’d been going on for the last hour about you. His best friend. Someone he’d known since the two of you was able to walk and talk. Jungkook just wanted to prepare Yoongi about you, he knew how temperamental Yoongi could get with things and he didn’t want there to be any issues.

“I told you, I’ll say hello and leave.” Yoongi reminded him as he sat on the dorms sofa and waited for the doorbell to ring. Jungkook wanted you to meet everybody since you were going to be seeing them all a lot more now your best friend was going to be training more.

“That’s her,” Jungkook breathed out as he walked over to the door calling you to come in. Yoongi couldn’t see you at first because Jungkook had his arms wrapped around your body. 

“Come in, this is Jimin and you already know Tae.” Yoongi kept his eyes on the door waiting for your arrival and when it finally came his jaw almost dropped open. Not only were you beautiful but you seemed so happy to be there. A smile plastered across your face as you held up a bag for Jungkook to see, 

“I got everyone something. I couldn’t resist.” Taking the bag over to the coffee table in front of Yoongi you smiled at him and his heart practically lept from his chest. The way you smiled at him did all sorts of things he never thought would happen. 

“I’m Y/n,” You shook his hand and he smiled, beginning to stammer over his words trying to introduce himself to you. Never in a million years had he ever been this shy around someone. 

“That’s Yoongi, he’s one of our rappers,” Jimin said as he sat beside Yoongi, poking his side and earning a death glare from Yoongi. 

“I can tell,” You joked about the way he was stammering and let out the most heavenly giggle Yoongi had ever heard in his life. It was something he would feature in the back of a song if you would ever let him.

“What did you get us?” Jungkook asked as he stood beside you trying to peek into the bag. You smirked before rummaging through it. Yoongi still couldn’t take his eyes off you. The dress you were wearing looked as though it had been plucked from a barbie doll but it wasn’t anything too much for the eyes. A simple A-Line dress that went to below your knees, short puffy sleeves with a lace-up-front. Covered in cute strawberries. You had paired it with a pair of pink vans and Yoongi instantly could tell what your favourite colour was from the first look at you. 

“Yoongi!” Taehyung began snapping his fingers in front of Yoongi’s face to pull him back into the conversation. All of the boys were staring at him holding cute stuffed animals while you grinned at him. There was clearly something on his mind that was taking up his attention but you had no idea that it was you.

“I got you one too,” You smiled holding up a black and white stuffed cat. It was larger than a small sofa cushion and adorable. Yoongi couldn’t help but smile even more as he took it from you carefully, giving it a small squeeze. 

The boys all exchanged looks with one another as Yoongi had a slight blush to his cheeks. It was shocking for them to see him so shy in front of someone but they were going to enjoy seeing him like this for a while. 

“I figured since Jungkook always tells me how much you look like a kitty,” You smiled sweetly at him and he couldn’t help but smile more. Not only was it a kind gesture but it was something he never would have expected. 

“I love him,” He breathed out as he looked up at you. Jungkook could already see what was beginning to happen and he wasn’t going to put a stop to it. Only encourage it, it would be a breath of fresh air to see Yoongi so happy around someone. 

Yoongi stayed longer in the living room with you and Jungkook, agreeing to watch any movie with you that you were willing to put on. He never would have pegged himself as the guy to sit and watch copious amounts of Disney movies just because someone asked him to.

Smiling to himself Yoongi bopped the cat toy you had gotten him on the nose, he had kept it for eight years and kept him on his desk in each studio he stayed in. It never left his side unless he went home for the night. It had been eight years of Yoongi being in love with you and he had never once admitted to you or confessed to you that it was all happening. Why would he want to ruin something that was already perfect? 

Jungkook knew of Yoongi’s feelings for you and had confronted Yoongi about it trying to convince his Hyung to tell you the truth. That he would feel even better once the feelings were out in the open. But he never did. He never wanted to risk the friendship that you and Jungkook had, nor did he want to ruin the friendship you and he had. 

The two of you had begun to get close over the years, hanging out together whenever Jungkook was busy or just because you wanted to be around one another. The two of you had movie nights, take-out nights and even lunch dates together. You knew what he was like for forgetting to eat so you made sure to bring him a homecooked lunch at least once a week, two if you could push it. 

Yoongi figured it was something you did for Jungkook as a friend and he let it continue on, having no idea that it was because you were head over heels in love with him. 

The moment you met him you couldn’t help but feel a yearn for him. You needed to be around him at all times or you would feel sort of lost without him. It was hard to explain and you had tried to explain it to Jungkook too many times you were beginning to lose count. 

“I thought we were going to have lunch,” You complained to Jungkook as he stood inside one of the dance studios sweating and panting heavily. It was your annual lunch in the HYBE canteen.

“I got caught up in a late practice. I’ll be out in an hour or two,” You rolled your eyes at him playfully before agreeing to go off on your own. It wasn’t the first time he had suddenly become busy while you were supposed to visit him. The joys of being friends with a kpop idol.  

It wasn’t as though you were going to be bored you could just go and sit with Namjoon or Yoongi. Whichever you happened to run into first on your way up to their studios.

“Hey! I thought you were going to lunch,” Namjoon’s voice filled the hallway and Yoongi frowned as he turned to look at who he was talking to. He’d gone out to get a small cup of coffee before going back on his break. He thought he was the only one around on the floor.  

As soon as his eyes landed on you he couldn’t help but smile. Your back was to him but he could already tell it was you because of the outfit. A soft pink jumper and matching plaid skirt, your pair of pink vans that Yoongi had gotten you for Christmas. 

The fact that you wore them almost every day bought a huge smile to Yoongi’s face whenever he saw you. It was secret Santa with the boys and Yoongi swapped with everyone until he got you. 

“Jungkook is practising so I was coming up to see if you or Yoongi were free,” Yoongi’s heart almost combust hearing that you wanted to spend time with him. Whenever you were around him it felt as though he was going to have a heart attack or at least have his heart suddenly burst out from his chest and confess to you itself. 

“Well, I’m not but I think Yoongi might be considering he’s staring at us,” Yoongi felt himself beginning to burn up as your body turned around to see him. Standing there holding a paper cup of coffee and smiling shyly over at you. The sight alone was enough to make you smile and heart sing, 

“Thanks, Joonie,” You hugged him goodbye before rushing over to join Yoongi beside his studio door.

“If you’re doing something I don’t have to.” You didn’t want to ever push your presence onto anybdoy but Yoongi shook his head at you. There was nothing that could stop him from inviting you into his studio. Spending more and more time with you. 

“I’m free, you can come and sit with me. I just finished a song, you can help me decide if I like it.” He smirked a little as you began to jump up and down on the spot getting excited at the thought of seeing a sneak peek of a song. 

“I think this will be the first time you’ve ever allowed me into the studio…” He thought back on all of the times you had been there and it was true. Mostly because he never wanted you to see him working, he would drown out the world and end up ignoring you. Or there was the possibility that you being in his studio would be far more distracting and he didn’t think he would be able to concentrate on anything but you. 

“It’s nothing much,” He pushed in the password and you looked away. You knew how private Yoongi was about things and you didn’t want him to have to change the password because you had seen it.  

“Welcome,” He breathed out as he pushed the door open.

Eyes dancing around the studio you couldn’t help but smile at everything around you, looking at the huge audio mixer, three monitors that were at his set up. Two on the desk and a larger flatscreen mounted onto the wall above his desk. There was a keyboard beside the desk that was put away whenever he wasn’t using it. A sofa sitting on the opposite side where the boys would sit and a small recording booth to the side. 

“This place is huge,” You gasped out as you looked at his desk. The mixer took up a little more than half of the desk, then there was a keyboard and mouse ready for him to use. 

As you were about to ask about what every button did on the mixer you saw it. It being the cat you had gotten for him all of those years ago. To your knowledge, the rest of the boys just put them away never to be seen again but the cat was there. Dressed in a miniature version of Yoongi’s Daechwita outfit. 

“You kept him?" There was genuine surprise in your voice as you looked at the small animal sitting there.

"Of course, you gave him to me and I love him." He chuckled watching you as you began to pick up the stuffed animal. Holding it close to your chest, 

"So cute! Did you get this made for him?" You questioned looking at the small outfit. It had every last detail from Yoongi's rags outfit in the video on the teddy. 

"Yeah, I got it made after the video dropped." It was a lie. He got it custom made the moment you told Yoongi how much you loved the video on set. 

He'd invited Jungkook to film with him and you'd tagged along to watch everything for the two days of filming. Watching Yoongi act tough as Agust D always made you feel something inside you couldn't quite explain. Even when he was dressed in the rags it made your heart skip and your stomach flip. 

"I love the video and song so much," You admitted as you put the cat down onto the desk. 

The video shoot had been one of the most amazing two days of your life. Yoongi had tried to convince you to get in the video but you declined, just wanting to watch the master at work. 

"Do you remember when you burnt your hand?" You looked at him remembering the scene where he had been bound near fire. He'd accidentally slipped and burnt his hands on one of the metal holders when he was trying to impress you. 

"How could I forget?" He whined looking at the small burn on the back of his hand, nothing large but just a small pink mark where he had gone into contact with the metal bowl. 

"It healed nicely," You told him as you took his hand into yours to take a look at the mark. Your fingers softly running over the faint mark as you inspected it. Yoongi's heart lept into his throat as you held his hand. A spark radiating from his entire body.

"Only because you made me ice it right away," He reminded you,

"Because you would have scared a lot worse if I didn’t." You scolded him as you began to look over his hand, letting go of it and smiling. When he did it he tried to act tough, as though it hadn’t bothered him but you could tell by the look in his eyes that day that it hurt more than he was willing to let on.

The two of you sat down on the sofa looking at one another. Talking about anything and everything that came to your mind. You were in the middle of planning your next movie night together when he suggested a horror movie.

"I'm telling you, there is no way on this earth you can get me to watch a horror movie with you," You complained as he continued to beg you. To you, it was just a horror movie but to Yoongi it was going to be a ticket into getting you to hold you in his arms. 

"Why not? I'll be there to protect you." He announced clearly as you shook your head,

"Protect me? Who's going to protect you!" You laughed rolling your head down onto the sofa and shaking it. 

"There is no way," You repeated to him and he pouted a little. There had to be a way to get you to watch a movie like that with him. 

"What if I asked really, really nicely." He pleaded, you looked up at him before sitting straight. 

"How would you do that?" Yoongi sat up straight and looked at you, eyes turning into puppy dog eyes as he begged you.

"Will you, Y/n Y/l/n, like to watch a horror movie with me? Pretty please," You scoffed at him, 

"Have to do better than that." You told him clearly as you waited for him to continue on. Yoongi nodded,

"I'll bring you chocolates, flowers, and a new stuffed animal.” The idea made you smile a lot more than if it was something between friends.

"It'll be like a date," Your mouth spoke before your brain even had time to register what it was that you were saying. The two of you froze. Yoongi didn't laugh and neither did you. You just stared at him wondering what to say next.

"A date...Would that be a bad thing?" His voice came out soft. He was testing the waters to see what you would think about having a date with him. 

"I don't think so..." Your voice came out a little strained. Was this your way of coming clean to him and admitting your feelings for him? 

Your eyes kept staring at his lips, his eyes doing the same as he did his best not to kiss you. He didn't want to move too fast or be too forward with you. Yoongi's head moved forward just a little as if he was going to kiss you so you. His breathing was careful as he glanced at you, heart racing from how close he was. He couldn't feel his legs, his arms or his toes anymore. All he could feel was how close you were to him and that was the only thought running rampant in his head. 

Meeting him in the middle you kissed him. His lips were softer than anything you had ever felt and you began to feel weightless. Lips moving against his as you sat up straight to deepen the kiss ever so slightly. Yoongi's hands at on your waist as he smiled against your lips. This was everything he had imagined and more. 

Pulling away your eyes stayed shut, resting your forehead on his as you were unable to open your eyes. Opening them meant realising that had truly happened and the repercussions that could have come along with it. 

"Y/n I need to tell you something," The whole room seemed to tense up as he looked at you. As if the kiss wasn’t obvious enough for you he needed to tell you how he was feeling.  

"I don't think I can be friends anymore..." He admitted as he looked at you, your heart almost dropped to the pit of your stomach.

"What? I-I didn’t mean to...I thought-”

"No, Y/n...Listen," He took your hand into his and smiled softly at you. Cutting you oof as he shook his head,

"I don't want to continue as friends because I need something more...I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you more and more every time that I see you and it's getting harder and harder to keep my feelings for you at bay." Heart lept back into your throat hearing that Yoongi loved you back.

"You love me too?"

"Yes I do- wait, too?" He questioned as he raised his eyebrow not expecting to hear that you loved him back. He would have thought you liked him after the kiss but loved him?

"You think I wouldn't fall in love with you?" You giggled softly as you kissed his lips again softly. It was like a drug, every time you stopped you wanted to go back in for more.

"You light up my life Y/n...I never would have thought someone like you would ever go for someone like me." When he finished his sentence you frowned at the statement. Someone like you?

"Someone like me?"

"Someone so cute and pink...The complete opposite to who I am." He rambled on a little as he looked at you. Never in a million years would he have expected you to like him back.

"Opposites attract," You whispered as you looked at him.

"But you're so soft and gentle with us and you're unreal. You make me melt into a puddle." Giggling at the small statement you kissed his lips over and over again making him blush deeper. The effect you had on him was unreal.

"So you fell for me?" You teased as you held his hand in yours. Locking your fingers together and giving his hand a small squeeze.

"I didn't fall in love, you tripped me." He licked his lips as he looked at you. Head racing to kiss you again but he didn't want to go too far or too fast with you. He had to take you out on a date first. 

"You tripped me too," You admitted to him as you pressed your lips to his cheek. The blush growing deeper with each touch he earnt from you. 

"Let me take you to lunch...We can make it up to Jungkook another time." He admitted before kissing you softly, pulling you to stand up from the sofa. If the two of you stayed in the studio any longer he was never going to be able to let you go.

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @min-yus​ @rjsmochii​ @taestannie​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @justbangtanthingz​ @taeechwitaa​ @mwitsmejk​ @stillwithlix​

[potter-imagines]

Being Thor and Loki's Little Sister and Dating Peter Parker Would Include...

Notes: wow I haven't written a marvel one in a long time pls don't read too much into the timeline lol I know things overlap but just go with it (:

Warnings: none... I think ??

Word Count: 3.6k (sorry its a bit long for a write like this but I couldn't help myself)

You managed to do a decent job at keeping your relationship under wraps from your brothers for quite some time

Of course every other member on the team knew before the two of you even begun officially dating

Peter had spent three months ranting and raving to Tony Stark about how cute he thought you were and how much he liked you

Tony insisted time and time again he should tell you but Peter’s fear of rejection was much too large for him to find the courage for that

Unbeknownst to him,

You had spilled about your crush on Peter to Wanda and Nat almost a week after living in the compound

Being the only other girls there besides Pepper, it was easy to confide in them

Day after day you would wander to Wanda’s room and lay on her bed and gush about how handsome Peter was and how kind of a heart he had

Wanda found it adorable

And Bucky, Steve and Sam had placed the pieces together after days on end of watching Peter and yourself flirt like school kids in the gym during training

Even after being frozen for years, Steve recognized the look of smitten on Peter’s face when he talked to you

Bruce on the other hand had to sit through most of the kids talks with Tony in the lab so he figured it out fast

So when the two of you finally confessed your feelings for one another and Peter asked you out, there was only one road block holding the moment back from perfection

Your brothers

You and Peter shared the news with all the other team members expect the two, possibly most important in your case, members

You’ve been close to your brothers since you were brought into this world so it wasn’t like you didn’t want to tell them

It was more or less how overprotective they could be that made you bite your tongue

And as nervous as you are, Peter is 1,000% more worried about your brother’s finding out

Like honestly can you imagine how petrified Peter would be to tell Thor and Loki you two were dating

He’d purposely walk in the opposite direction every time he saw either of the two for the first week

Couldn’t stop fumbling with his words when he spoke to either of them

Like he was terrified

It’s sort of a cliché to have protective older brothers but older brothers who were also both Gods ????

Peter felt like a deadman walking

When the day finally came that you did tell your brothers about your relationship with Peter, it was absolutely cringe worthy

Peter had been coming home to the tower after a long day at Midtown High School when he spotted you the second he stepped foot out of the elevator

His excitement had clouded his judgement as he failed to check and see if the coast was clear

“Y/n! Hey!”

He nearly tumbled over his own feet as he rushed over to you

His face was gleaming with happiness and for a brief moment you felt a smile creep to your face until you were pulled back to reality by his hand reaching out to grasp yours

Your eyes widened in shock as you stared at Peter and before you could warn him to stop, he had planted a soft kiss on your cheek

That adorable smile was glowing from his face as he reached down for your hand only to fall once you pulled your hand away

He gave you a look of confusion, clearly surprised by your lack of response

But when an awkward cough sounded from behind him, he suddenly knew why

Peter didn’t have enough time to make any sort of a move when a husky, all too familiar voice spoke up,

“Hello, man of spiders. May I ask why you just kissed our little sister?” “Oh shit- I uh, well you see I…um...she had something on her face so I uh…”

Loki would snicker in amusement at seeing the boy squirm and prolong his torture “So you kissed her?” “Yeah…” “Hm, there something you’d like to share, little one?”

It wasn’t exactly the way you were hoping to break the news to your brothers

But it was certainly one way of doing it

The rest of the night was filled with awkward tension as you and Peter had to confess the truth to your brothers, who then made you share the news with the rest of the team

Thankfully, the rest of the team pretended they were just hearing about your new relationship for the first time, seeing as no one wanted to deal with an angry Thor

Now let’s get into your relationship with Peter

Peter Parker is the most caring person in the universe

Honestly

And dating him certainly came with it’s perks

You can expect to wake up every morning with a fresh coffee and a pastry on your nightstand, courtesy of Peter

He’ll also write you a sweet little ‘good morning’ note with a sketch of spider-man hanging from a web

(( he’s actually pretty talented in the doodling department ))

Makes cute sketches of him as spiderman and you as a princess ( vv fitting)

But also draws you as a total badass saving the galaxy bc… well you are

Count on him to be the first person to greet you when the sunrises and the last person to wish you a goodnight when it falls

Gets Mr. Stark to buy you an iphone so he can teach you how to use it

Has your name as “goddess” in his phone

The first thing he does is teach you about texting so he can pay you in imessage games

Refuses to play you in battleship since you somehow have crushed him every single time

Gets slightly annoyed with the overwhelming amount of random photos you snap of him

But he knows its all new to you and finds it irritatingly adorable

Loves it when you walk home with him from school

Will also keep reminding you that you shouldn’t have walked alone all the way to Midtown High School alone

Peter often forgets that you’re Asgardian and can protect yourself just fine

But it’s so cute how protective he is

He’s very observant and notices nearly everything

Like when you’re feeling a bit homesick

He picks up on it right away and will ask Thor and/or Loki for advice

Or when you start to become bored and tired at one of Star’s parties

Peter made his way over you before you even had the chance to turn and search for him

He’d escort you back to your room and lay with you until he was positive you had fallen asleep

Kisses to the top of your head

Is the boyfriend that will take your makeup off for you if you wear any

(( and sets yours lashes on the nightstand so neatly and labels which eye they were on cause the poor boy doesn’t understand ))

Spends weeks learning how to master the intricate braids that adorn your head

It’s so cute cause he’ll sit and look up Youtube videos and try to learn how to make the different braids and is just so confused but so determined

Taking Peter to visit Asgard

“Woah- this place looks like something from Lord of the Rings! It’s awesome!” “Lord of the Rings? I’ve never met that God.” “Uh, no, it’s a movie from Earth. We can watch it when we go back.” “To Midgard?” “Midgard? No, to New York.”

Loves it when your people refer to you as “Princess Y/n”

For some reason it makes him blush

Will tell everyone back on Earth that he’s dating a princess

I could def see Peter getting annoyed and frustrated with the Asgardian men trying to flirt and win your heart

Although that’s something that already belong to Peter

And even though Peter trusts you entirely

He’s still insecure from time to time

Especially when he sees how much taller and stronger Asgardian men look in comparison to him

But he finds reassurance in the feeling of your hand in his and the gleeful smile adorning your face as you show him around your homeland

Attempting to help Peter study

Although you’re not much help to Midgardian school work “Peter, darling, I don’t have a clue what a watergate is and I haven’t an idea how that could be scandalous.”

Maths however you excelled in

And Peter was thoroughly surprised to find you had the sequence of PI memorized to the one hundredth number- and in song form

Holding your hand 24/7

Endless cuddles on the couch

And when you’re walking around together, he does that thing where he swings your hands and back forth

Movie theater dates… at the tower b/c your brothers feel the need to be in close proximity the you guys at all times

Trying ice cream for the first time with Peter at two in the morning

One of Peter’s favorite things to do with you is take you through a walk in his world

At least three times a week Peter and you will walk around the city and find new things your Asgardian self has yet to experience

Like pizza

New York pizza to be exact

And hot chocolate

Ice skating at Rockefeller Center once the weather got cold

Loves to take you for drives in the more woodsy land of New York once fall set in and the leaves began to change

But by far his favorite thing is showing you Midgardian films and movies of all sorts

He loves that you don’t judge him for nerding out over his love for films

Not to mention you actually sit and watch Star Wars with him

(( maybe it was the whole space element but Peter was just thrilled you liked it ))

But then he shows you ‘Alien’

And it was an instant regret

It took him the rest of the night to convince you that the movie was fake

You made him sleep in your room just for reassurance

Your favorite out of the films Peter played was called ‘Toy Story’

Buzz Lightyear reminded you of Thor

In terms of TV shows

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. which quickly became your guys comfort show

Parks & Rec too “That Andy fellow looks an awful lot like Starlord, don’t you think?”

Peter refuses to let you watch Black Mirror

After the whole incident with Alien

Black Mirror didn’t seem like a good idea

Constantly teasing from the rest of the Avengers

Tony just can’t help it

He loves tormenting the two of you

Especially when Thor and/or Loki are around

“Hey Peter, I thought I saw you go into Y/n’s room last night but I didn’t see you leave until the morning. Heard a lot of noise too- thought Y/n was getting attacked. What was that about?”

Or

“Kid, I got you those condoms you asked for. How’d you manage to run out of that last box so quick? I just bought it for you a week ago!” “Messing with you, they’re just sugar packets- Thor put Peter down right now!”

Aunt May absolutely adores you

Always tells Peter how sweet you are and is constantly inviting you over for dinner

Lets you two have sleepovers in his room at her place

As long as the door stays open

Peter can’t stop laughing when you compliment May on her ability to make an amazing bowl of cereal

She thought it was a joke seeing as she burned dinner the night before to a crisp and laughs until she’s in tears

And you’re literally sitting there so confused, clearly not understanding the joke

Peter then takes you on a trip to a grocery store for the first time to show you a whole aisle full of cereal

It is then that you realize Aunt May didn’t hand make the fruity pebbles

She still laughs about it to this day

Befriending Ned and listening enthusiastically while he gives you a full speech on the franchise Star Wars

And his rant on how terrible Star Trek is in comparison

Is shocked when you ask questions out of genuine interest

Ned immediately takes a liking to you after that and asks Peter daily to invite you to hangout

Whenever Stark adds an upgrade to his suit, you’re the first person Peter shows it to

He shares quite literally everything with you

As do you to him

The rest of the Avengers love gossiping about you guys

Nat and Wanda have already started planning the wedding and Pepper has the perfect venue in mind, much to your brothers dismay

For some reason

Thor and Loki are always within reasonable distance, enough so they can keep an eye on you but also give some sense of privancy

Thor is def always the first one to step in

“Peter, please remove your hand from my sister’s behind.” “Oh uh, ye-yeah… sorry, Mr.Thor.”

Loki would find Peter amusing

He loves to mess with him whenever given the chance

“Ah, Peter. Good to see you. I’m sure Y/n informed you of our task today. Very impressed that you offered yourself as the sacrifice to the aliens-” “Wait, what? Y/n?!” “He’s kidding, Peter.”

Everyone in the Avenger’s tower knew Peter was lactose intolerant and knew the repercussions of the boy consuming any sort of dairy

(( he physically cannot leave the bathroom for a full day ))

Yet Loki regularly will swap Peter’s specially labeled almond milk with a jug of skim milk just for the hell of it

There’s something so hilarious to him about the look of panic and alarm that smacks abruptly across Peter’s face as he quickly stumbles out of the kitchen to his room

It keeps him laughing for days

You’ll just shoot your brother a look of disapproval, clearly certain it was his doing

“Loki, why did Peter run off?” “Not sure, darling sister, maybe he’s got one of those stomach bugs. I’ve heard Midgardians are prone to them…weak bodies and such.” "You switched out his milk again didn’t you.” “I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re accusing me of, little one.”

Thor is a bit more hesitant on accepting your relationship with his fellow Avenger

He trusts that Peter would never harm you

Although he did not trust that you would never be harmed because of Peter

It was risky enough that both your brothers were big names in space, as well on Earth, however

Thor knew Loki and himself were capable of protecting you but Peter?

He was just a kid, in Thor’s eyes

However the one thing that kept him from telling you this was seeing how happy Peter made you

As your older brother, Thor trusted your judgement and tried his best to be accepting of his little sister dating

And as much as he wanted to deny it, he saw crystal clear the care and love Peter gave to you and he wasn’t willing to break that for you

Still

Thor is the type of brother to barge into a room and shove himself between Peter and yourself without warning

This man does not care at all

At least Loki has the decency to give you two space as a couple

Thor does not

He is constantly third wheeling on your dates and will ‘accidentally’ walk into rooms he knows you two are in claiming he forgot something

Not that he ever grabs anything,

He’ll usually just stand and stare at the two of you until you either leave the room or ask him to leave

To which he always answers,

“No.”

But with a smile

A smug smile

PDA is something he will never be okay with

Thor will yank Peter back by the collar every time he sees his lips on yours and glare at him, “Man of spiders, I know you’re in love with my little sister but kissing her infront of me is too far.”

And Loki will physically gag just to piss you off

For the most part, your relationship with Peter is nearly perfect

It would be entirely perfect if you weren’t constantly worrying about him dying on a mission or getting hurt

But still, just like any couple, you had your moments

And when you did fight, it was typically over Peter’s safety or him not wanting you to tag along for a mission

Your common way of dealing with conflict was the silent treatment

Which is pure torture for Peter

Not only does he miss the sound of your voice

He misses having you around

Seeing your smile

Hearing you laugh from something he said

He felt terrible everytime

He’d go to Tony for advice and spend hours rambling on to him about how sorry he was for yelling at you and for adding to the fight

Tony would half listen while he worked away on a new system and suit, offering a ‘yeah’ and ‘hmm’ every few seconds which pleased Peter who thought his mentor was fully listening

And after almost two hours of his non-stop talking, Tony Stark had reached his limit

Setting his wrench down on the metal table with a thud he turned around to face the young boy

“Kid, why’re you saying all this to me and not her? I mean, I’m all ears but I’m also not Y/n. I know we’re both good looking so I can see why you mixed us up, but you should be talking to her right now.”

Similar to Peter you also had someone to confide in when the road got rocky

Loki had always been the one you shared all your secrets with

As children you were attached at the hip to both your brothers but Loki a smidgen more than Thor

Your father, Odin, had Thor at his side 24/7 growing up

While he was busy learning the ropes to ruling Asgard, Loki and yourself run amuck causing trouble left and right through the royal palace

Through the years of bonding Loki become your best friend, and you his

So when trouble struck in paradise, your older brother was the one you ran to

He’d welcome you with open arms and a questioning gaze

Loki is by far the best listener in your family

Instead of telling you what to do, he asks what you want, which is a refreshing change

After a long talk with Loki you’d search the tower high and low for Peter while ironically Peter was doing the same thing

When you did finally make-up, it felt like coming home

The apologies were so sincere and genuine

You’d end up having a sleepover in your room watching 80’s films that Peter claimed were ‘iconic’ and laying in his arms

And that’s where you felt complete

Fights never occurred often but bickering ???

DAILY

You two bickered playfully over everything under the sun

Like who’s the better superhero; Ironman or Captain American

Or

Debates between living in New York and living in Asgard

Loves to pull up Midgardian inventions and ask you to guess what it is “Princess, what do you think this is?” “Oh! Oh! I’ve seen this one! Tony has one in his kitchen!” “Okay, so what is it?” “Yes, it’s a chicken nugget maker!” “It’s actually an air fryer but we only ever make chicken nuggets in them so I’ll give you a half point.”

Peter sneaking out of your room at the crack of dawn and sprinting to his

As much as Thor and Loki liked him and supported the relationship

He was sure they’d both team up to murder him if they caught him sleeping in your bed

Steve and Tony, who seem to be incapable of sleep, have watched him tiptoe out of your room numerous times but they only share a look of amusement then go back to their previous discussion

Playing hide-n-go-seek and tag on rainy days at the tower

Cuddling in Peter’s bed while he asks you to tell him stories about Asgard

Loves hearing about your childhood and what it’s like to grow up with siblings

Is fascinated when you tell him about Heimdall

Stealing Peter’s hoodies

Especially his Midtown High School ones

They’re insanely soft

Sweet little kisses throughout the day

He's just so sweet and gentle

Loves getting to hold you and snuggle in his bed

Most weekends you spend lounging on the couch with Peter’s head in your lap while you play with his hair

Other times you’re sitting next to Peter on his bed watching him play some video game and asking a million questions “Who is that man, Peter?” “That’s me, he’s the main character of the game. That’s Mario, babe.” “You’re not Mario- you’re Peter.” “No, the main character of this game is Mario, I’m just playing him.” “Oh… and what is that green dinosaur creature?” “That’s Yoshi!” “Adorable.”

Making out between games

In terms of... y'know... sex

Neither of you were keen on rushing the process

You had tip toed on the line multiple times yet never fully crossed it

Until you had decided to make the first real move after being together for about five months

You trusted him with all your heart so it wasn't exactly scary, but rather exciting

He had a way of making you feel safe, comfortable, and loved all at once

Lets be honest, Peter nearly fainted the first time he saw you naked

And still, no matter how many times the two of you have sex,

He worships every inch of you like it was your first time all over again

You couldn't have asked for a better lover

Dating Peter means a new adventure everyday

You’re constantly learning new things about each other and from each other

Despite coming from two very different worlds

You’ve never felt more connected to a soul until Peter came along

[separatist-apologist]

You should do a one shot of Elain letting her inner fire out and yelling at the IC about using Elain to control Lucien AND going on and on about Lucien failing Feyre in Spring. (I mean we all know Tamlin abused Lucien both mentally and physically and its a bit hard to take care of someone else when you are being abused yourself. Ya feel me? HA)

This will be done more elegantly if you're reading I Know Places. I also can't help but feel like my Elucien reputation is becoming Night Court slander. This is my preface by saying I LIKE (most) of the IC, so this isn't dunking on any one person or being an anti.

Anyway don't send me hate if you don't like this (Send me Eris X Elain brotp prompts instead!!!)

Elain stomped through the city streets of Velaris, furious. Lucien was back in the city again, and yet he hadn’t come to visit. Things had been rocky, sure, but she thought they were doing better. They’d been exchanging letters weekly, she’d made him dinner—granted, at his apartment—and they’d even had that sweet kiss she still daydreamed about to the exclusion of all else. Yet, for the fourth time in six months, Lucien had come to Velaris, met with Rhysand, with Azriel, with Feyre, but not her. She’d been quietly polite about it the first time. He was a busy man, after all and probably had somewhere to be in the morning. She’d been quiet but less polite the second and third time, allowing her self-doubt and insecurity to creep in but now she was just mad.

If he didn’t want to see her, he should just say so.After four years of yearning and avoidance to get to where they were, which was practically no where given how far away he chose to occupy his time, he at least owed her an explanation.

She pounded on the blue front door that comprised his little town house. She heard scuffling and a muffled crash before the door flung open.

“Elain,” he breathed, clearly not prepared to see her, given how disheveled he looked. “To what do I—”

“Why are you avoiding me?” She demanded, crossing her arms over the silver cloak she wore. Frigid wind whistled around them, biting at her cheeks though she hardly felt the chill over her hurt and anger. “Have you changed your mind?”

“Ah…come inside,” he urged, stepping out of the way to let her in. Elain did as he asked, mostly to prevent making a visible scene she knew would work its way back to Rhysand and his inner circle.

“I understand if you’re too busy to spend time but not even a note?” She rounded on him once they were out of the foyer and in his living room. He reached for her cloak, ever the gentleman but Elain swatted his hand away.

“I do want to see you,” he replied softly, palms raised upwards in defense. Both eyes, one gold, one russet, watched her with apprehension, as though she were a bomb that might explode at any moment. She certainly felt like one.

“Then why don’t you?” She demanded, hands on her hips.

Lucien licked his lips. “It’s…complicated.”

Her stomach dropped. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

“What?!” He panicked, taking a hasty step towards her. “No, just you. Only you, I swear.”

“Then explain. I’m not stupid, I can follow whatever is keeping you. I don’t want secrets between us I want—” She stopped herself before she could admit that what she wanted was to be in the same place for longer than a night.

“I need permission to visit with you,” he told her, dropping his hands with a sigh. Elain looked at him sharply.

“What do you mean…permission?” She demanded.

Lucien gestured for her to sit but Elain shook her head, her mind whirring. Why would Lucien need permission to see her? He’d been nothing but polite, he’d give her distance…they always had a chaperone, she realized. Save for once, right before he left to find Vassa, Lucien and Elain always had an audience unless she snuck out of the house. It was why she’d begun writing him letters in the first place. That was the only way she could speak to him without someone else in the room.

Lucien was watching her shrewdly, his lips pressed in a thin line.

“Do they think you’ll…” she couldn’t bring herself to say it. He laughed dryly.

“I certainly hope not.”

“Then why? No one cared about how much time Cassian spent with Nesta.”

“Well…I imagine it’s different when the High Lord trusts the mate in question.”

That didn’t make sense. She bit her bottom lip. “They trust you…you’re their Emissary…”

Lucien laughed again, plopping onto his cream-colored couch. “Emissary I may be, but trust me they do not.”

Elain frowned. “Because you’ll betray them?”

“Because I don’t want to be here,” he replied honestly, his every word condemnation. She could put it together now. Lucien was in Velaris for her, he’d left Spring for her, and he’d continue to be the Emissary on behalf of the Night Court for as long as Elain lived in Velaris.

“You don’t have to stay for me,” she assured him, crossing the wood floor to sit beside him. She took his hand and squeezed, looking up into his tanned, beautiful face. Lucien smiled at her sadly.

“If I quit, I’d never see you again.”

“Of course you would, we’re—”

“Do you imagine Rhysand or Feyre would just hand you over with my resignation? If that were the case, I would have taken you from here when we first met.”

“So I’m what? Bait?” She asked breathlessly. He didn’t respond but the steely look in his russet eye was answer enough. “Something to keep you in line?”

He shrugged but Elain was angry again. “I thought you were avoiding me,” she told him, pulling her hand from his. “I’ve been mad at you and all this time you were trying?”

“Elain—”

She spun on her heel and tore out of his apartment, well aware he was right behind her. She didn’t care. She wasn’t an object or a tool to be weaponized against her own mate, for cauldrons sake. She was tired of being treated like a pretty piece of furniture that couldn’t think for herself. She wanted the Nesta treatment, she decided, storming into the river house.

“You had no right!” She shrieked, storming into Rhys’ study. She’d meant to find Feyre first, but Rhys was there, sitting at his desk staring down at parchment. On the couch beside the fireplace, Azriel looked up, hazel eyes wide at the outburst.

“Hey Elain…Lucien…everything okay?” Cassian asked from a chair in the corner.

“No!” She continued, her chest heaving. If she didn’t say everything now, she’d chicken out; Elain hated confrontation. Rhys stood, his violet eyes glittering with emotion. A moment later Feyre skidded into the room, practically slamming into Lucien’s back.

“What’s wrong, Elain?” Feyre asked breathlessly, shoving past Lucien to touch Elain’s shoulder. “Did something happen, did—”

“Why does Lucien need permission to visit me?” She demanded, stepping out of Feyre’s grasp only to slam into the sold chest of her mate. “No one had a problem with Cassian breathing down Nesta’s neck, but Lucien needs advance written notice?”

“Whoa, that’s not how it went,” Cassian complained. “If anything, she was breathing down my neck—”

“Cassian,” Azriel murmured quietly, silencing his friend.

“You and Nesta are different,” Feyre tried but Elain didn’t want to hear it.

“So? I think Nesta could have healed perfectly fine without being…fucked—” she whispered the word, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, “Up against a wall.”

The mood of the room became immediately tense. Cassian stood; arm crossed over his broad chest.

“Elain,” Rhys warned. Lucien put his hands on her shoulders, squeezing his support. She didn’t have to do this. She could walk away, could tell them to shove it. She had to. Lucien didn’t understand, was good at sticking up for himself but she wasn’t. They needed to know.

“It’s shameful,” she told Rhys, looking him dead in the face.

“We just wanted to keep you safe,” Rhys told her, his voice very much implying she was on dangerous ground.

“From what? I thought Lucien was Feyre’s friend,” she challenged. “I thought he was your Emissary. How can you trust him with your politics but not his own mate? Why is it okay for Azriel to see me but not Lucien?”

Rhys’ took two steps forward, darkness rippling off his back. She’d overstepped, she’d openly challenged Rhys and, perhaps most damning, she’d done the one thing he’d ever asked her not to; discuss the almost events of Solstice. Azriel’s face paled for a moment as Cassian, Feyre, and Lucien all turned to look at him. “I’m not your political pawn,” she whispered, stepping closer to Lucien.

“You are my subject and you will sit down and stop talking.”

She felt the metallic tang of magic slam into her face, attempting to make her obey. Elain knew what Rhys didn’t, what she’d kept a careful secret until that moment. He couldn’t compel her; his magic had no effect. He wasn’t her subject. She never had been.

“Sit down,” he said again, his every word dripping in authority. She straightened her spine even as her hands trembled. “You can’t make me,” she replied, pressed as close to Lucien as she could get.

“Rhys,” Lucien warned, his own voice rich with that same magic. She shivered at the sound. Rhys glanced towards Feyre, exchanging some conversation silently between them.

“I want to leave,” she told them, her voice wobbling nervously.

“Elain…can we talk? Just me and you?” Feyre murmured, holding out her hand. “Please?”

Elain looked over her shoulder but Lucien was still staring at Azriel with a clenched jaw. “Fine.”

Feyre grabbed her hand and whisked her out of the room. In the hall, Nesta had her back pressed to the wall. She followed behind Elain silently, spine straight, eyes cold. The three practically ran down marble floors, up the stairs, all the way to Feyre’s room. She locked the door behind her, as if that would keep anyone out.

“What happened with Azriel?” Nesta asked the second the door was shut.

“There are things you don’t understand,” Feyre interrupted, ignoring Nesta’s question. “You can’t leave.”

“Are you saying that as my sister, or High Lady?” Elain whispered.

“Where will you go, Elain?” Feyre prodded. “Spring—”

Her laughter was practically a shriek. “Did you know the last time Lucien came home from Spring he had bruises all over his ribs? Couldn’t look me in the eyes when I asked what happened? What do you think happened?” Elain demanded. Feyre flinched.

“How can you send him back there and stand here and tell me I don’t understand the situation?” Elain pressed. “He’s your friend.”

“I know, Elain, I’m sorry,” Feyre interrupted breathlessly. “I care about Lucien, too but he’s cunning and—”

“And what is Rhys?” Nesta interrupted with an imperious smile.

“You suddenly like Lucien?” Feyre demanded, hands on her hips. Nesta scoffed.

“No, but I like watching Elain tell Rhys to fuck himself. And…and it meant a lot what you said about…”

Elain nodded.

“Don’t leave,” Feyre pressed, ignoring Nesta completely. “Move in with Lucien if you want just…just don’t go.”

“I want to do more than garden,” Elain whispered. “We’d still see each other…he’d still help you, if you asked because you’re his friend…and I’m your sister.”

Feyre nodded, her eyes glassy. Elain knew she was still talking to Rhys, trying to strike some sort of balance between the fight they’d just had and not making things worse. “Rhys is asking if Lucien will go to Day Court on his behalf…they have a lot of libraries��Vassa still is spelled and we haven’t been able to figure it out. Maybe you could go with him? If you want, I mean?”

Elain nodded her head. “I’d like to see the other Courts.”

“But you’ll come back?” Feyre asked, her voice small and Elain knew she needed to apologize to her sister. Feyre was trying…Feyre had been good for all those years, selfless even when she didn’t have to be. Guilt gnawed at Elain. She’d let her temper get the better of her. She crossed the room and hugged Feyre tightly.

“Of course I will. I’m sorry…I didn’t…I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“Wrong again,” Nesta said dryly. “You should yell more often. Tell Helion if he tries anything—”

“Helion won’t try anything,” Feyre assured Nesta. “Trust me.”

Nesta frowned. “He’ll take one look at her face and fall in love just like everyone else. How can you say—” “Rhys is going to talk to him.”

“He doesn’t have to do that,” Elain cajoled. “I can handleone High Lord calling me pretty.”

Feyre pinched the bridge of her nose. “It…it’s not appropriate, you have a mate—”

“I can handle it,” Elain said firmly, determined to do something for herself. “Promise.”

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by Rhys and Lucien in the archway. They looked tense; neither looked at the other. Elain wondered what had been said. Rhys looked from his mate to Elain before raising his palms.

“We…we worked it out,” Rhys assured her. “Don’t kill me.”

“I’m sorry I yelled,” she told him, not sorry at all. She suspected he knew.

“Day Court?” Lucien asked, brows raised, his face very much. She smiled.

“Day Court.”

[i-am-distressed]

The one that (almost) got away

Character: Noritoshi Kamo x reader

Warnings: MILDLY SUGGESTIVE THEMES, not really cause I don’t write NSFW, but I did put a lil spice for tension and plot reasons, it’s really more just mentions of making out, fighting/sparring, mentions of injuries, exes to enemies to lovers, both parties being mean, Exchange Event Arc spoilers!!, I wrote this on a whim and very early in the morning, LONG

“Hey, L/n, you’re participating this year too? I thought the 3rd years were suspended?” You sighed as Maki’s face held her questioning gaze. “Well, since they did whatever it is that got them suspended while I was elsewhere on a mission, I got left out of the punishment. I’m here for the exchange event if you’ll have me.” The second years nodded, Maki and Panda giving you high fives while Inumaki gave you a thumbs up and a ‘salmon!’ Fushiguro giving you a little bow that you returned.

You, Y/n L/n, are a 3rd year student at Tokyo Jujutsu High, you’re also a semi-first grade sorcerer. You yourself didn’t come from an impressive lineage, but your cursed technique was nothing short of useful, and you had become a master at using it.

You briefed Fushiguro on your technique and you all decided which group you would be fighting in (it was decided you’d join Fushiguro and Maki) while you waited for the other school to show up. Not long after you came, Nobara arrived, and as she had her scuffle with Panda, Mai’s voice cut through the air. “You guys actually came to greet us? How lame.” You turned to see the rest of the Kyoto Jujutsu High second and third years walked up the stone staircase, naturally filing into a sort of line that stood parallel to your own group, you finding yourself towards the back.

“Hello, Y/n. It’s been awhile.” You felt your face heat up at his voice, you sucking in a quick breath before plastering a fake smile on your face, “Hello, Noritoshi.” Maki’s eyebrow raised as she looked between you and the Kyoto 3rd year, and it didn’t take a genius to see that there was an obvious tension between the two of you, she just had no clue what. “Do you two know each other?” Your gaze never left Noritoshi’s, his dark gray gaze never leaving yours as you found yourselves in the middle of an intense stare down. “We’re acquainted.” You watched as Noritoshi huffed, to most it would’ve been a trivial gesture, a simple sign of irritation. But you knew much better than that, you knew him much better than that. “Quite well, isn’t that right, Y/n?” You narrowed your eyes at the tone he used, he was testing you, you knew that, and you knew exactly what he was referring to.

Before you could respond, Gojo came barreling in, with a...box? He stopped between the two groups of students. Seeing as how you were ignoring the young clan head and he kept stealing glances at you, Gojo knew you two had interacted, and by the puzzled look he saw on Maki’s face, he figured it had gone poorly. ‘Poor kids...these stupid higher ups just don’t know when to quit..c’mon guys, I know you’re both smarter than this..’ Frowning for a moment Gojo shook it off, as a teacher and a passionate one at that, seeing his student (and someone he’s known for a fair amount of years) obviously suffering really rubbed him the wrong way but...there was nothing he could do. They’d have to fix it themselves.

After the...surprise of Yuji Itadori A.K.A Sukuna’s Vessel being alive was revealed, Y/n took a glance over to Noritoshi, seeing the obvious surprise on his face, she knew he was with the higher ups on this one, that Itadori shouldn’t be alive, that he shouldn’t count as a real person. It stung how much he had changed in a short period of time, and it stung even more knowing he was far too stubborn to listen to anything you had to say. Which, now that you think of it, isn’t all that different from you declining his calls..

You groaned as you splashed the cold water on your face. Shortly after the reveal of Itadori, the two schools had a good 3 hours of free time before the event, some students used it to train, others to socialize. You had already determined your role with the others, so while they sorted things out with Itadori you took your leave to the bathrooms to have some peace and quiet, and to try and snap yourself out of the headspace seeing Noritoshi had put you in. Getting a bunch of paper towels you thoroughly dried your face off, taking a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom and into the hall, but the minute you exited the bathroom you were met with none other than the man of the hour himself, Noritoshi Kamo.

You attempted to walk past him, go back to the room where your classmates were and avoid a confrontation all together. But before you could get far, Noritoshi had grasped hold of your forearm, forcing you to turn to face him before he (albeit reluctantly) let your arm go as his own returned to his side. “We should talk, we haven’t spoken since the fight and it’s clearly not doing either of us any good.” You crossed your arms over your chest, more out of unease rather than out of sassiness. “Is there anything to talk about? I thought we made it clear how we both felt the last time we talked.” Noritoshi frowned, leaning against the opposite wall as his arms mirrored yours as they crossed over his chest.

It was silent between you two, neither one knowing exactly what to say, it was funny really. You both have spent the last 3 months wanting nothing more than to talk things through, but now that the opportunity is here neither one of you have the courage to say the thoughts that have been plaguing both of your minds. “I just- I don’t know what you want me to say...you know how I feel about..everything..you know why I feel that way. And there’s nothing we can do about it anyways.” Noritoshi wanted to correct you, tell you that you were wrong, that there was something you both could do to get around the pressure of the higher ups, but there really wasn’t.

Well, there was, but that was out of the question. He couldn’t just up and tell his family they were wrong and he disagreed with them, not now anyway. 3 months ago, Y/n and Noritoshi’s relationship was very different. At the beginning of their second years, they had both been placed for promotion to semi-first grade, and to solidify their ranks they would be ‘interning’ with a grade 1. Usually they would do their ‘internships’ separately, since they were a fair amount of distance apart, but when the summer came both of them were sent to a sort of summer training camp to train together under the same roof.

Despite being different in personality and different in background, the two got along really well, and somewhere between exorcising curses through the day and training together at night, the two found themselves growing feelings for the other. And after a specific practice when one of them let a confession slip from their lips, the two found themselves becoming the Romeo and Juliet of the Jujutsu world. They started dating, dating in secret because neither of their families would be thrilled about it. Even after summer ended and the two returned to their respective schools, they kept their relationship intact.

They’d make trips to meet half way between Kyoto and Tokyo, one would drop in on the other if their mission was nearby, and they kept in constant contact. And they had managed to keep it a secret, neither one telling anyone about it and keeping their affections private and out of the watching eyes of the higher ups and other sorcerers. All was going well, until a certain first year student by the name of ‘Yuji Itadori’ became Sukuna’s vessel, and you and Noritoshi found yourselves on very different sides of the argument.

“I just don’t see why you can’t understand this Y/n, he’s dangerous. Sukuna’s vessel needs to be taken care of, how can you not agree with this?!” Your hands came up to rub at your eyes, you sighing with frustration before returning your hands to your hips. You and your boyfriend, Noritoshi, had been arguing for almost half an hour. You had been in a meeting with your teachers, Gojo and Utahime, when Gojo brought up his new student Itadori, and the power and potential Itadori held. You, after hearing he could control Sukuna, was all for Itadori joining Jujutsu High. I mean, Gojo would be watching over him, and his situation really wasn’t all that different from Yuta’s. But Noritoshi didn’t agree, he saw it as the higher ups saw it, he saw it as his family wanted him to see it. That’s what started the argument.

“What is there to understand about wanting him dead! He’s 15!” You two stood across from each other, both of you were breathing heavily, and your emotions were running wild. You didn’t want to fight, you didn’t want to damage your relationship, but with how sure both of you were in your decisions on where you stood, it was clear you weren’t reaching a compromise, not this time. He was frustrated because you weren’t looking at it objectively, you were upset because he was acting like the higher ups. And neither of you was willing to back down from your convictions, both of you being just a little too stubborn to put this disagreement to rest and move on.

“Then what does that mean for us? It’s clear we’re not reaching any sort of agreement, why can’t you just accept this when you clearly don’t know what’s best.” You shook your head in disbelief, a bitter chuckle cutting through as a few tears had begun to fall. “Good question Noritoshi, Are you going to ask your family what to decide on this one too?” Too far, you knew you had crossed a line, you knew his family was a touchy subject, but rationality had been thrown out awhile ago. His lips pursed in a straight line, his steel eyes narrowed and his gaze became cold, “I don’t have to confide in them, I think we both know what’s best for both of us.” It went silent, you were crying and he was seething, there was no rational thinking, you both were acting out of emotion and quite frankly not like yourselves. You shakily sighed, wiping the tears that had fallen while you shook your head, “...fine...goodbye Noritoshi..we should’ve known it wouldn’t work.” With that, you turned around and left, both of you wishing you had stayed and fixed it.

In the end, a petty argument was what ultimately drove the two of you apart. A stupid argument neither one of you were personally involved in, but the politics and ideals behind it were what drove you both to your wits end. You weren’t even mad at Noritoshi, you were more upset that you both let some stupid conflict be the reason you two broke up! I mean, words were said on both sides, but you were both rational people, you knew neither one of you meant it. And you both really just missed each other on top of all of that.

But like I said, it was a messy situation, and in order to make any progress, you’d both have to let go of your pride first and foremost. And as of right now, neither one of you really wanted to do that. Your stare down was interrupted by the sounds of Miwa and Mechamaru walking down the hallway, you both looking away from each other when the two second years rounded the corner. “Oh, L/n, Kamo! I was looking for you both, but if we’re interrupting, we can always come back later…” As they spoke, you both watched as a few more of the first and second years rounded the corner. “It’s fine,” Noritoshi briefly looked at you as he spoke, a silent ‘we’ll finish this later’ to which you covertly rolled your eyes before turning to your underclassmen with a smile. “We were finished talking anyways, what do you need?”

Miwa looked to you both, “Me and a few others wanted to get stronger with weapons we don’t usually use, me and Kugisaki wanted to try a bo staff so we asked Mai’s older sister but she said to ask you two, since you trained a lot together using them.” Your eyes widened as you stole a brief glance at Noritoshi before returning your gaze to the younger students. “So, if you don’t mind, could we observe a sparring session? Maybe get some pointers on how we can improve?”

“I don’t see why not, that is unless Kamo has a problem with it?” His eyebrow twitched at how you said his name, becoming that more irritated since he knew you knew it ticked him off. Nonetheless, he never was one to turn down a challenge, and especially not when you were the one really putting it up to him. “Don’t complain too much when you lose, L/n.”

And that’s how you found yourself in a man made ring in one of the training rooms, most of the underclassmen sitting on the sidelines as the two of you got into your stances, both of you trying not to acknowledge just how nice and nostalgic it felt to be in that position again. Panda acted as ref, reminding you and Noritoshi of the ‘rules’ before stepping back and yelling ‘start!’ Noritoshi attacked first, you blocking him and ducking to move to the side. You charged him next, him barely getting out of the way in time before spinning around and hitting you right on your backside, smirking when he saw how your jaw dropped before you spun around and caught him in his side.

“That’s pretty unbefitting behavior for the future Kamo Clan head, don’t you think?” He scoffed, and at this point the tension between you two had gotten so obvious even the most clueless were starting to get an inkling as to how exactly you two had known each other beforehand, and why you weren’t friendly to each other. “Ghosting me and blocking my number wasn’t exactly proper either.” You jumped just in time to avoid him sweeping your legs out from under you, but you weren’t expecting him to then use his staff to knock yours out of your hands. Not one to give up, you kept sparring without the staff, both of you slowly becoming oblivious to the watching eyes that were still very much engaged watching this all go down.

You narrowed your eyes at his last comment, and you used your legs to first kick his staff out of the way, and second to sweep his legs out from under him and straddle his middle. You both sat there, breathing heavily as you looked at each other intensely. In a low voice, not quite a whisper, but not too loud either, Noritoshi spoke. “Well this is new, I recall the last time we were in this position, our roles were reversed. Can’t say i’m complaining.” You felt your eyes widen as your cheeks heated, leaving you vulnerable to him flipping you over and aiming the staff at your neck.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “I specifically remember you telling me off for using underhanded tactics, a little hypocritical don’t you think?” Noritoshi feined a look of innocence, setting the staff to the side as he stood, “I don’t know what you could be referring to, I was talking about our sparring sessions, don’t tell me you were thinking of something else?” You hated how fast your heart started beating, you trying to hide how flustered you were by standing up only to freeze when you remembered why you two were sparring in the first place..and that your underclassmen had just saw and heard that all happen.

“Okay~ well as much as I love a good old enemies to lovers, we’ve got about 30 minutes until the event so both schools need to split up and talk tactics!” You and Noritoshi both tensed up at the voice of Gojo standing in the doorway, Panda and Mai both respectfully snickering at the two of you as you both went your separate ways.

It was time for the event, both sides had taken the time to strategize and figure out how they would work together to win. You would be going with Maki and Megumi when the group split, which was fine with you. You may have been a semi-first grade, but you weren’t keen on fighting Todo one-on-one. After Gojo had embarrassed poor Utahime, the buzzer sounded, signaling the start of the event.

When the group was interrupted by the arrival of Todo, you ran off with Maki and Megumi as planned. You jumped backwards when Miwa took on Maki, eyes widening when you saw Megumi get stopped by Noritoshi. “I’ll be fine, you go help Megumi.” You nodded as you ran ahead, only to be stopped by a grade 2 cursed spirit. It wasn’t super powerful, but it most certainly wasn’t weak either. You took a glance ahead of you to see Megumi and Noritoshi fighting, you grimaced, knowing his intentions behind going after Megumi were no doubt clan-influenced. Shaking your head free of distractions, you focused your efforts on taking down this pesky cursed spirit.

Unsurprisingly, your weapon of choice was a bo staff, you had found yourself falling in love with it (amongst other things) during the summer you and Noritoshi had spent together. Using a mix of strength and cursed energy you knocked the cursed spirit a fair amount of distance away from you, using the time the spirit took to charge you to cover your staff in cursed energy. And with one final swing you had successfully exorcised the curse. Unfortunately, the four that were fighting had all gone off to fight other places. Bringing your staff to your shoulder you continued to walk through the woods, searching for cursed spirits as well as your fellow classmates. You hadn’t gotten too far when you noticed the sky had started to get darker, your eyes narrowed as you looked up, watching as what you guessed was a veil slowly started to cover the sky. You continued walking, feeling a sick feeling in your stomach start to form which was only amplified by the yellow hue that coated your surroundings.

You continued walking along what seemed to be a path when ‘isn’t that Miwa…?’ you picked up your pace, and after finding out that, she’s just sleeping, you picked her up and carried her on your back, keeping on your so called path while you continued your search for others. Not long after that you ran into Mai and Nobara, who were unfortunately as clueless as you were. Continuing on you all managed to stumble upon Utahime, who was about to face off with some...guy? Thankfully the veil dropped, and the 5 of you were able to get back with the others.

You were now walking down to the infirmary with a still unconscious Miwa sleeping while you piggybacked her to Shoko. “Hey, have room for one more? We’re pretty sure she’s just sleeping but, Utahime wanted to be sure.” Shoko sighed as she nodded, leading you to the room where the medical beds were. “You can set her down on one of these.” You nodded and carefully setting her down and getting her situated. After Shoko did a quick check and yes, she was just sleeping, you walked back out to the main part. “Uhm, who else got hurt?” Shoko looked to you, “Well, Fushiguro got hit with some kind of bud but I was able to remove it, Maki got impaled in her shoulder but it didn’t do any lasting damage, Inumaki went over his limit, and Kamo hit his head really hard, there was some minor fracturing but he should be okay.” You already felt nauseous hearing about your classmates and friends, but hearing about the man you were still very much in love with included in that group made it all so much worse.

You gulped, hands shaking as you took in a shaky breath. “Is- is he- are they okay?” She gave you a sad smile, nodding as she picked up her clip board. “They’ll be okay, he’ll be okay. If you want I can tell you when he wakes up?” You nodded, showing your nervousness with how quickly you responded. “Y-yes please.”

And that’s how you found yourself sitting in one of the chairs waiting outside the room Noritoshi had been put in after his surgery, heart racing as your mind went through the ‘what ifs’ and ‘why didn’t you’s’. Dread consumed you as you thought of the worst case scenarios. Realistically you knew he wasn’t going to die, he had a minor concussion and a few broken bones, but he was going to make a full recovery. But it was the unrealistic part of you that was in control right now. The part of you who was berating yourself for never picking up his calls, the part of you who was yelling at yourself for ever walking away from him, the part of yourself that hated how things ended between you and Noritoshi. The part of yourself that knew just how in love with him you still were.

“Y/n? He’s awake. You can go in now.” You sniffed, wiping the tears that had fallen before standing up, thanking Shoko as you entered the dimly lit room. You crossed your arms over your chest as your heart raced and you felt your breathing get labored. You had spent the past 4 hours wanting nothing more than to see him, but now that you were walking towards him, your legs itched to turn around and run back to your room. But thankfully for both of you, that unrealistic part of you was still very much in control. You walked further into the room when you saw Noritoshi, sitting up in his bed, with bandages wrapped almost all of the way around his head, one of his eyes completely covered while his own remained closed. You sucked in a quick breath, but continued to walk closer to him.

“How are you feeling?��� Noritoshi looked towards you, a tired smile appearing on his face as he watched you come beside his bed and sit down in one of the chairs. “All things considered, not too bad. Apparently my injuries were minor compared to Fushiguro and Maki.” You hummed, “I don’t see any of their heads wrapped in bandages Noritoshi. You always have to be an overachiever, huh?” He chuckled at that, shaking his head as you smiled, desperately trying to blink away tears before they could fall. “...” it was quiet, for maybe only 30 seconds but it felt like eternity.

You took a look at him, and even though he was here, he was fine, he was okay, the only thoughts that were getting through were ‘if you had lost him, what would you have done?’. Noritoshi’s eyes widened as he watched the tears fall down your face, your body fighting sobs as your elbows rested on your knees and your hands clutched at your eyes, water flowing down your cheeks and arms. “Y/n? Y/n it’s alright, i’m oka-” “It’s not! This- this isn’t about that it’s just- I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had...you had- I can’t lose you Noritoshi!” He shut his mouth as you continued to cry, his stomach churning at the sight of your tear soaked face as you tried to stop them from coming.

You sat up, looking up to the ceiling as you tried to regain your composure. “I just- there’s still so much I need to say to you- a-and too much...too much I have to fix,” “Y/n,” “A-and what if you were gone? A-and I couldn’t say goodbye?I ignored you for months, I can never forgive m-myself for tha-at,” “Y/n,” “I would’ve hated myself, cause I never got to tell you I still love you and I don’t hate you and-” “Y/n” You looked down to see Noritoshi leaning to the side of his bed, watching as his hands guided your face towards his, you still very much delirious as he gave you a half-smile, thumbs wiping the tears from your face as your sobs died down.

“Y-yes?” You choked out, he leaned in, thumb brushing your bottom lip as he whispered, close enough that you could feel his breath fanning your lips, “Stop talking.” You nodded, taking a deep breath as your hands came up to hold his, his forehead now resting against yours as your cries effectively died down. “I was never going to leave you, and certainly not without making sure you didn’t believe any of that. We both made mistakes and did things we regret. We let a silly argument get between us, and I didn’t let myself see it from your perspective. I’m sorry.” You shook your head, “I should be the one who’s sorry, I walked away and avoided you because I was too scared to fix things...i’m sorry Noritoshi.”

He smiled, “We’re both sorry, but I think it’s time we fix this too...I’ve hated not having you with me these past few months.” You laughed as you nodded, “Yeah, me too...but you’re going to have to put your number in my phone, I deleted your contact…” He pulled away, eyebrows furrowed, “You deleted my contact?! I can accept you blocking me but deleting my number?!” You laughed, “I wasn’t thinking straight! I was mad and I didn’t handle it well...but don’t act like you’re innocent after humiliating me this afternoon...all those inappropriate things and in front of our underclassmen...you should be ashamed.”

He smirked as he shook his head, “Absolutely not, I was simply telling the truth, you’re the one who made it promiscuous.” You rolled your eyes, and for the first time in awhile it wasn’t condescending, but rather endearing. “Whatever, I know what you meant.” He smiled, his smile coy and sly, a perfect display of the mischievous part of Noritoshi not many people got to see. “Y’know...it really hurt having you ignore me like that for months...and now that I know you deleted my contact and avoided me, i’m rather hurt by your actions…” You narrowed your eyes as you could hear the teasing tone he held in his voice.

“...What are you up to Kamo?” He shook his head, leaning back in closer to you, his closeness causing your neck and face to heat up as your heart beat started to pick up its pace. His lips grazed your own before they slid to your cheek, all the while his hand dropped to your side where you had haphazardly left your phone when you sat down. “Getting my number back in your phone.” Your eyes widened as your face got impossibly hotter, watching as he tried and failed to suppress his smirk as he did what he ‘intended to’ and re-entered his contact. “There, all better.” He handed you your phone, you shaking your head as embarrassment started to set in.

“Well, now that you’re obviously feeling better, I’m going to go check on the others.” You didn’t get far before his hand had caught your wrist, and instead of letting go, he pulled you towards him, lips crashing on yours as his other hand steadied your waist. One of your hands wrapped around his neck while your knee propped itself up on his bed, his hand that was on your wrist now sat securely on your hip. He kissed you with what seemed to be the most love-filled and intense kiss the two of you had ever shared, and there had been quite a few kisses shared between the two of you. You moved to sit more on the bed as he pulled you closer, your kisses becoming more intense as the moments passed, and your surroundings began to blur.

“Well this is interesting.” You gasped as your head whipped around, finding not only Gojo, but half of the Kyoto school, Panda, Maki, and all 3 of the 1st years standing crowded in the door way watching with round shocked eyes at seeing two of the most respected and potential filled students making out like their lives depended on it. You felt your face get hot with more embarrassment when you heard Maki yell “ahA! I told you! Fork over the 20 Megumi!” You gave Noritoshi one last smile as you stepped down from his bed, bowing to everyone as you walked out and to your room. “I’ll see you all later, bye everyone, bye Noritoshi.” Before you made your way to your room to scream into your pillow, your steps increased as you heard the parade of ‘nice one y/n!’ and ‘lock the door next time!’.

You got to your room and fell face-first onto your bed. To say you were exhausted would be an understatement. Eventually you got up and did your nightly routine, changing into some comfortable pj’s before getting under the covers of your bed and setting your phone to charge. Just as you set your phone down, it dinged with a notification. Furrowing your eyebrows you picked you phone up to see it was a text, picking it up you read it. ‘Sorry for the interruption, but don’t worry, apparently we get the day off tomorrow so we can talk things out then ;)’ you laughed at Noritoshi’s use of an emoji, remembering that it was you who had taught him to use them in the first place.

You wrote out and sent your response, smiling uncontrollably at the ‘goodnight❤’ he sent before returning it and going to set your phone down. You paused when you noticed he had also put his ‘name’ into your phone. ‘Boyfriend’. You turned your phone off and screamed into your pillow, knowing it would be awhile before you could sleep with your head and heart filled to the brim with the one that (almost) got away.

[writing-in-april]

The Melody Lives On

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: Seeing Spencer after so long apart makes past feelings come to the surface again.

A/N: Hey heyy 🥰 this is my third fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! It was based on a request that @imagining-in-the-margins passed along to me- if you want to see a photo of the original request it’ll be on the follower celebration Masterlist! It’s got vague references to the prison arc and is also inspired by Grey’s Anatomy 🥰 Thank you to @lexieshuntingsstuff for getting me back to realizing how much I love Grey’s 😊 Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy, and requests are open!

Warnings: Nothing I guess- unless vague references to the prison arc bother you

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.2k

“Dr. Y/L/N to conference room A please. Dr. Y/L/N to conference room A please. ” Came through the intercom. I was sitting in the hospital cafeteria munching on crackers while reading a book that I honestly wasn’t paying that much attention to because of how dead tired I was. I couldn’t stifle the groan that escaped me, I didn’t want my first break in what seemed like forever to be cut short.

Besides the fact that my bones and muscles ached I willed my body to move out of my chair despite it’s very prominent protests. There was a line of attending that led outside the conference room, I guess I had been the only one they had forgotten to get the memo out too.

Karev then came up behind me with just as much of a quizzical look on his face as mine and the rest of the attendings- I guess no one knew why we were here.

The only hint that the rest of us got to what was going on inside was when Arizona left the room and said it was some sort of FBI interrogation before she scurried off back towards peds.

As the line dwindled down to just me and Karev with Meredith in the room my mind started to wander to the person that I knew that happened to be in the FBI. Well- I guess I didn’t know him anymore, it had been a decade plus since I had seen him.

Of course said person that I happened to be thinking about happened to be in the room.

As soon as I saw his fluffy hair memories came flooding back. He looked so different now, more mature. But, I could clearly tell who it was; it was Spencer.

We had met just as I had been starting my first year of college. At first I had assumed he was the same, a freshman. Then I had learned that he was actually already on his second PHD- which had been in mathematics if my memory serves me well.

I had admittedly gawked at him at first like so many had done to him as well when they found out about his vast valleys of intellect that seemed to go on forever. When I had asked him to tutor me in my own mathematics course it was for the sole reason of bumping up the grade I had let slip. That was until I had gotten to know the sweet boy who was almost a man, though his baby face definitely did try to fight that fact. Guilt had immediately cropped up within me once I realized how much of a fool I was to not want to get to know him deeper than just the ‘child prodigy’ that everyone knew him as. He was one of the nicest people I had ever had the pleasure to come across, plus his bountiful knowledge made conversations with him extremely riveting to say the least. I remember apologizing to him profusely that first night, that was the first time I had gotten the chance to see the true extent of how sweet his kind eyes could be.

What had first been a simple somewhat feigned friendship to get a good tutor turned into the closest friendship that I had ever had. That close friendship had eventually turned into a romantic relationship one that in my opinion rivaled any of the great classic love stories.

Unfortunately, fate is rarely kind to lovers and what had once been sweet turned sour. It wasn’t any one of our faults, I knew that. But, my blossoming career as a surgeon led me to get an internship in Seattle while Spencer was led to the front steps of the FBI.

Every time I thought back on it I bitterly laughed at the irony of us both being led to Washington, though they were different ones that were on the other sides of the country. I had no animosity towards Spencer and the last time I saw him neither did he. But, the memories stung painfully when looking back on them. They stung even worse when I was faced with the sight of the man who had stolen my heart more than a decade ago and had yet to give it back.

His hair had grown out since I had last seen him, it now curled more around his ears and was much fluffier. The color of his soft curls would make anyone obsessed, mousy brown that shined a little bit of a burnt caramel when the tops of his curls hit the light. He had taken to letting his curls run wild which I had always liked to see when he would wash his hair of the gel he used to religiously put in.

A new addition along with his curls was the scruff he had begun to let grow out a little. When I knew him growing out his scruff a little would’ve been a completely foreign concept to young Spencer. I remember him always complaining about how scratchy it felt when he even let it grow out a little. The scruff also used to seem jarring on his younger face, looking out of place on his boyish face. Now his face definitely suited the scruff.

He had changed a lot indeed, but underneath it all I could still see the Spencer I knew. His eyes held a darkness now that matched well with the fluffy curls and scruff. The darkness that deepened his eyes was attractive for sure, but I wondered what had made the sweet boy become so dark. There was a part of me that wanted to know this Spencer as well, even with the darkness, despite the fact that I hadn’t really known him in so long.

His eyes had been piercing right into my own as I took the sight of him in. Those dark eyes felt like they were reaching right into my soul and hooking their claws in deep to draw me right back into him. Though I can’t say I minded much, being drawn back into Spencer’s warmth sounded like something we may both need.

“Dr.?” One of the men that was in the room with Spencer spoke up to get my attention. They must have been talking while the both of us had zoned out looking at each other.

The older man that spoke to me looked like he may have been a bit too old to work for the FBI. If I didn’t know that Spencer worked for them I would’ve thought Arizona had been pulling our legs when she told us what this was for because Instead of acknowledging the other man I turned back to face Spencer and spoke softly,”It’s good to see you, Spencer.”

“You too.” His voice croaked and was hoarse when he replied. His coworkers looked extremely confused with what was happening, especially the woman with blonde hair that was eyeing me up and down. Though in her position I didn’t blame her, I’m assuming nothing had ever been shared with his coworkers ever since he had joined the FBI about someone that had been in his life all those years ago.

The group of us stood at an awkward standstill for a minute, I was unsure if I was supposed to say anything. I fidgeted a bit uncomfortable with a bunch of eyes fixated directly on me before Spencer decided to speak up to break the tension, “Um- well Y/N- there was a suspect that came here a few weeks ago to possibly find some people that would um- be suitable victims for him.”

I pushed my reminiscing thoughts of Spencer out of my mind just so I could properly answer their questions before hopefully snagging a minute away with him to talk. I wouldn’t lie, seeing him after all these years made my feelings flicker in a way I hadn’t felt in so long. And, it was really nice to hear him say my first name again. He was really the only one to ever make those butterflies in my stomach swell and sparks fly. I had even resigned myself to never feel those wonderful feelings of blossoming love again.

But, perhaps fate had decided to give us a second chance, realizing it had been too cruel to us by pulling us apart.

When the questions ended, which unfortunately I had really been no help to them- the only people that would’ve been able to help with the victims were probably Meredith or maybe Bailey who had been in contact with the poor people who had ended up as victims.

I moved to shuffle out of the room, though I purposefully lingered in hopes of Spencer pulling me aside to speak privately. I didn’t want to do it myself, he was on an important job after all.

My heart skipped a beat when I felt his fingers tentatively wrap his fingers around my wrist. Even from just a soft touch it was evident that his hands were not the same hands that I remembered. They were the same shape, his fingers were just as long and nimble and his palms were just as all encompassing, but there was something different in the way they felt. They felt rougher, covered in more calluses then I would think possible on him. The hands I remembered were baby soft as if they had been untouched by the world. Maybe the calluses were just from him handling the gun I saw strapped to his side, or maybe it was the same thing that had made the rest of him harder.

Even though he was an obviously harder- more damaged man compared to the one I knew I still wanted those callused hands to stroke my cheek again.

The yearning to be with him again had already flickered into a roaring fire just from seeing him with my eyes again and with one soft touch. I didn’t care in the slightest how much the world had changed him. The world had battered and bruised him, probably quite literally from my guess. I wanted to get to know this Spencer, even with the bruises he still filled my stomach full of butterflies and sparked my feelings into a roaring fire exactly like he had done so before.

I turned to face him, a little nervous that he’d tell me that he never wanted to see me again despite the fact that I knew he’d never say that to me no matter how much of a changed man he was.

“Do you want to get a coffee while I’m in town, maybe so we can- um catch up after your shift?” His voice was so soft, almost meek, giving me a little taste of what Spencer had been like and who he still was at his core.

“Yeah I’d like that, Spencer, just have one more surgery and then I’m yours.” His two coworkers that he had come with were giving us both looks like they’d be interrogating Spencer on the ride back. Yeah he definitely had never said anything about me judging by their looks I now cared to look at. I couldn’t blame him, the memories had been painful to look back on myself. But, seeing him now made them tinge with a little bit of sweetness instead of growing more bitter with time.

I pulled out my phone that was in my white jacket pocket and asked, “what’s your number?”

I had his old number memorized by heart easily even after all these years. It was as if I had taken a small portion of Spencer’s eidetic memory just so I could hold onto a number that after over ten years is surely not usable. He gave me his new number with a distinctly D.C area code with a sweet smile on his face. As I left the room to scoot over to the surgery I was due to perform I was sparkling with anticipation- I could almost taste the coffee already.

As I started my last surgery of my long shift, someone turned on the music playlist that I always had on a loop during my surgeries. A song that reminded me of Spencer was the first one that came on the shuffle. It wasn’t one that reminded me of the Spencer I once knew, but the new version of Spencer I had just met.

I focused in on the task at hand just as I always did. Cutting with pristine precision, I worked quickly but diligently. I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, but I wouldn’t skimp on my work. In the back of my mind I was still giddy like the schoolgirl I had been when I had first met Spencer. I couldn’t wait to get that coffee with him- I wondered if he still liked a gallon of sugar with it. Our first song had ended, but the melody lived on- maybe the melody was strong enough to start another.

—-

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