#/ I'm already exhausted talking to one person - groups of people will send me into a quick breakdown. That's genuinely how bad it is rn lol

[lasplaga]

𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘 / 𝐇𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄: 𝐌𝐀𝐘 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

MEDICAL TW: Hello followers, I know my pinned points out that I'm low activity already, but I'm going to emphasize it for May 2024 ( & June more than likely ). I'll be in & out of the hospital very frequently beginning the 7th, so I may not have my devices on me, or I'll genuinely be too stressed / miserable / etc. to respond to asks & threads, plot or draw, you know the drill. Hopefully, I should be alright by the 17th - 20th, but the outlook isn't that good. If I have to extend my hiatus through June, I will post an update here. I do have an important notice regarding June, but it's a bit sensitive for medical, so it's under a read more:

For those not in the know, I'm undergoing treatment for a multitude of conditions, predominantly PTSD & Epilepsy, among other uncontrollable symptoms such as morbid hallucinations & irate behavior / extreme mood swings. Which, after briefly losing health insurance, worsened. I'm currently in the middle of trying different cocktails of medications + treatment to see what sticks, which has resulted in symptoms I don't even want to get into right now. The point is that I'm a very sick individual, & I'm sick to the point that I'm under the process of applying for disability, as I'm not safe to work in public or drive right now. Changing medications & going to the hospital for treatment take a serious toll on my emotional, mental & physical well-being, so depending upon how my mind / body reacts come June, I will post a second hiatus if need be.

[mr-ribbit]

gonna rant again bc im seeing a lot of trans women on my dash having to carry the heavy lifting to argue for their basic respect and a lot of other queer people who want to ??? get mad about that apparently. for the record as usual: im tme, im not speaking for anyone besides myself and my perspectives, but I am trying to reach out to fellow tme people to level with y'all from inside the house.

i thought we all got past the 'calling people gendered terms when theyve asked you to stop' thing in like. 2012. i swear we were allllll on board with not calling women dude anymore, nerfing sir and ma'am, neutralizing collective terms for groups, and all of that was like, during the onceler era. that's how we got off-putting shit like folx into the mix - remember???? why are we here again.

to those who I've seen claiming that they REALLY genuinely don't want to offend anyone, and that theyre trying to understand the dude thing, and they don't want to be seen as transmisogynistic when they aren't: ok. let's talk about it. step one, stop sending that really loaded anon to a trans woman you don't know, and close that in-group hatepost with 100 replies from people name-dropping trans bloggers they don't like. try to open your mind and assume for the duration of this post that I am not cynically trying manipulate thousands of tumblr users into making Bro the next big swear word, but a fellow queer human being who thinks you're all being pretty intentionally obtuse about an upsetting trend in our community

to be clear: this post is about the issue of trans women being called bro, dude, man, etc., particularly in recent tumblr discourse about transmisogyny, and the backlash they face if they get upset about it. this is also maybe moreso about the shitty ass excuses I see tme people make for why they supposedly can't stop doing this.

so let's go through some of the things I've been seeing people say they don't understand, supposedly in earnest, about this issue

"I DIDNT USE DUDE AS A MASCULINE TERM. I CALL EVERYONE BRO. MAN IS A GENDER NEUTRAL TERM"

I'm not actually going to exhaust my list of reasons why dude/bro/man are not strictly neutral, but you should be pretty aware that all words have context. Dude might be seen as neutral in many contexts, sure, but 'woman who is frequently called a man by others' is a situation where the context adds extra meaning to your words, just like calling someone "sweetie" might be neutral in some cases, but if you've got the context of knowing that's your coworker who's half your age, it's a bit less neutral. If you're not capable of reading that context and being tasteful about when you say dude, then you need to at least be ready to respond gracefully when someone asks you to stop. This is the part I'd rather focus on.

"BUT I DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY. IM NOT TRANSPHOBIC"

I think you should consider broadening your perspective *beyond* your intention behind the word. people may already understand that you meant the word neutrally and therefore didn't have transmisogynistic intent, but that's not really the entire scope of what people are saying. if that's your only concern, you're just trying to clear your record, not actually listen to what they're saying.

there are lots of words people don't enjoy being called, and in most cases, when they say 'pls don't call me that', people respect that and move on. even if the word isn't a slur, if it hurts someone's feelings, we all as a society have agreed that it's pretty shitty to keep calling them that. if your friend asked you not to call them 'buddy' anymore because their dead grandparent called them that, or something equivalently personal, you'd probably respect that instead of telling them 'but I call everyone buddy!!' right? even if you didn't really understand why it bothered them so much?

there is a prominent tendency for trans women to be denied this privilege, and when they ask not to be called dude or bro, people don't seem to respect this request as much as they would in other situations. when I accidentally use a gendered word and someone tells me they don't like it, I try to respond with something like "my bad, I didn't mean it as misgendering but I can see you were still bothered by it, so I'll try not to keep saying it. sorry!" and most people are willing to accept that. when trans women ask people this favor, a lot of people get VERY defensive, and treat the request as inane or unfair, instead of just apologizing and moving on. this is why people are upset when this happens, and it's why people are calling your actions transmisogynistic

also like you might not be doing this, but a lot of people DO use dude and bro in an intentionally gendered way to make trans women uncomfortable. it's a power play bigots use to talk down to them or otherwise maliciously harass them. do you know what arguments they use to defend that behavior when called out on it? 'oh I call everyone that' 'dude is gender neutral calm down' 'dont overreact its just a word'. by acting like this, youre all just giving credence to those same arguments.

"WELL THEY SHOULDNT GET SO MAD AT ME WHEN I DIDNT MEAN ANY HARM"

they can get as mad as they want!! also, are you sure they're 'mad'? or are they just expressing their feelings about a negative topic to you, and it makes you feel bad, so you have to make them out to be unreasonably emotional? how do you think they should have phrased 'dont call me that' to better spare *your* feelings?

also like, in most cases, these women do not knowww you. if your main response to someone saying you disrespected them is to say "I didnt mean it that way, I meant it in a friendly neutral way", well that's NOT YOUR FRIEND! she has no idea what your opinions are or what you think of her!!! she has no reason to assume you only upset her in a friendly way and not a bad unfriendly way! but she did get upset, and she did the one thing she can do which is *tell you what upset her* and your response is to say "well actually you shouldn't be upset at all"??????

and another thing:

it's not just the issue of using the word 'dude', it's because you're coming off extremely dismissive of women who have asked you to stop doing something that harms them, and because your argument is basically that they just shouldn't be so bothered by it. or that they're stupid, irrational, or otherwise crazy for telling you that it bothered them at all, just because you Technically used a gender neutral word according to Your Rules. be honest, does that seem fair? If people were calling you something that bothered you enough to ask them to stop, and they responded like this, how would it make you feel?

focusing solely on your intent and what the words mean when you use them is the same thing as saying "just get over it". no woman should need to Prove to you that 'dude' is gendered for you to care about what she's saying. the fact that you're asking people to do that sucks and makes you look bad, which is why people are arguing with you and calling you a misogynist.

especially those of you who are only doing this with trans women who are actively arguing with. you're wielding misgendering as a cudgel and we can all see it, grow up please.

[pedroschka]

SHOTS!

Joseph Quinn x reader

Summary: you find yourself in a bar taking shots with Joseph Quinn and leaving with his phone number

words: 1,5 k

A/n: felt inspired by the Spain Story to finally start writing again! Big Thanks to @icallhimjoey for giving my brain a kick to keep me on track, much love!

Unsure of what distraction you wanna go after at the moment you lay cuddled up on your couch and switching between scrolling through your phone and watching some sitcom playing on the TV, which occasionally gets an amused Snort out of you.

It was Saturday and after an exhausting week, you told yourself that you needed a weekend for yourself and maybe clean up your flat, do the dishes, bring out the trash or do some sport. But this was another you plans which has no similarity to this you who was scrolling through memes for over two hours now, with trash and dishes still happily lying in the kitchen, untouched.

A new notification stirred you out of your trance-like state and you saw that one of your friends send you a message with a picture attached to it

- " Isn't this that bloke you're obsessed with the whole summer?? We're partying with him he's buying everyone shots!!! "

- image attached -

No fucking way.

You abruptly sat up, clinging to your phone with sweaty hands and zooming in on the picture with shaking fingers. There he was, Joseph fucking Quinn in the same bar as your friends, which you canceled on because of your stupid healthy second personality.

- " holy shit no way, I'm coming over!! Nobody fucking moves!!" you quickly type back

TV and phone forgotten and with a blanket still tangled around your legs, you stumbled through your flat to make yourself somewhere decent looking in record time, because no way are you meeting your celebrity crush for over 6 months in your pyjamas.

Surprised by yourself and the uber system you achieved to stand approximately thirty minutes after you received the text message, in front of the dimly lit bar from which a remarkable amount of chatter is coming off already, busy night for sure

You wriggled your way through drunk people towards your group of friends who already are beckoning you over with tipsy waving.

'' you got to be kidding me, the one weekend I cancel on you my future husband is in the same fucking bar! " you babble straight away, your way of greeting.

" Either he wants us all to know that he's rich or that he's British " "or both"  "but this man actually turned on a timer and every 20 minutes he's giving out shots" two of your friends giving you a recap of what happened in your absence

" we already got our rounds from him, you want some? " your other friend asks, and you looked at her with wide eyes and then at the table with a round of tequila shots, most of them already empty. Nodding quickly and right away drowned two tequila shots, desperate for some drunk confidence. Screwing your eyes shut for a second, embracing the burning feeling going down your throat

"holy shit, I can't believe he's really here"

" well let's go, talk to him"

Looking at her like she grew three heads " what... What do I even say to him?! Hello, I cried harder over Eddie's death than at my grandma's funeral?!"

" I bet he's already so drunk that he would just say thank you and offer you another shot"

Taking a big breath and focusing your eyes on the man in question at the center of the bar, a mop of tousled curls surrounded by a group of apparently other fans or just people who gladly engage with him in exchange for free booze.

Taking all your courage, and with shaking legs you made your way to the counter, sweaty hands grabbing the edge of it, just to have something to hold onto. You stand now only a few meters away from the very man you watched interviews of at 2am while giggling like an idiot.

Just as you rummage your brain for a charming but funny way to grab his attention, a shrill beeping sound went off, making you jump a little, and he suddenly swirled around, big brown eyes meeting yours, and shouted " SHOTS! " right at your face.

and before you know it you stand in a bar, in the middle of sweaty and drunk people taking tequila shots with Joseph Quinn.

Take that for a first impression.

Slamming the shot glass a little too hard on the counter and giving a comically 'whoop' from him, a few drops of tequila running down his chin you seriously asked yourself why the hell you were so nervous to meet him because now he reminded you more of your drunk uncle when watching sports games. But instead of your uncle, Joseph Quinn managed to look hot even when swaying and alcohol breath coming off from him, or you just were already in too deep.

" hi I'm Joe!" he shouted at you over the noise

As if he needed to introduce himself you thought but told him your name

"I don't live under a rock I recognize the man of the year when he stands in front of me"

"Oh shut up" he snorts a bashful smile on his face now

" no you are very subtle about it, even got a shot timer and everything! " you both started giggling and his hand finds balance on your arm like you didn't just meet each other 5 minutes ago

"in my defense..." he holds up his finger but dropped It again as nothing comes to his mind "I don't know I guess I'm just very British" and you both started giggling again. Intoxicated minds turning everyone into a stand-up comedian and best friend for one night.

After a few more drunk small talk and giggling you looked at him wide-eyed like a light bulb just went off inside your head

"ohh by the way British, I'm actually in London next month! Let's meet up!! " your voice getting louder with your enthusiasm and his eyes grew even wider at your information

"fuck you're kidding! That's awesome! We should totally hang, wait imma give you my number so you can text when you're there yeah?!"

You both fumbled with your phones, squinting at the sudden brightness and trying to make out the blurry numbers. Both way too excited over the possibility of meeting up again.

Right after, the next alarm comes off from Joe's phone and you linked your arms together and gulped each other's shots.

As the night continues you both lose count and conversations turned indefinite and slurred until you both part ways with the promise to meet each other again and a toddler-like hug, literally just holding onto each other so nobody falls.

...

You woke up the next morning and wished you wouldn't wake up at all anymore, glad you're actually lying in your own bed with clothes on but with what reward?! The biggest headache you ever felt and vomit already crawling up your throat. Hangovers were no fun but especially not after reaching the age of over twenty.

Around noon you felt good enough to finally check your phone, maybe it can help to fill your missing memories from last night if you even wanted to know.

The first thing you saw was a new message from your friend with an image attached to it, deja vu

"oh no" you mumbled shocked as some memories came back to you, very surreal memories!

In the picture, you and Joseph fucking Quinn, linking arms and taking a shot

Your friend's message under it

- '' thought you wanted to frame this <3"

Idiot.

Hastily scrolling through your contacts, not sure if your memories are wishful thinking or reality and in fact, under the letter J was a new contact

- Joeeeeee q.

Your stupid ass remembers telling him to put the Q behind his name so you can remember which one he is. As if you know so many other Joe's.

Now panic. You have joseph Quinn's number. Result of a very drunken night. Which he for sure doesn't remember. Does it even matter if you write him, He probably won't respond. You could just enjoy it and live in a daydream about him like all the other days before.

But otherwise...

You're staring at the message you typed in and your thumb hovers over the send button... It's now or never

- " was a pleasure to meet the man of the year last night! I don't remember much and you surely even less but I think we wanted to meet up next month when I'm in London" With your name under it, on second thought you even send the image your friend made of you both right after it.

Right after you click send you made an inhuman squeak sound, chuck your phone away from you and throw yourself face down on your bed again, face squished in a pillow and regretting every life decision you ever made.

After doing literally anything to busy yourself the Bing for a new notification on your phone makes you stop in your tracks while holding a now clean dish in your hand

"Please let this be mum, please let this be mum" mumbling under your breath while speedwalking into your bedroom again, anxiety unbearable

Taking a deep breath and opening your phone you saw that it was in fact not your mum writing you

- "you're right I don't remember shit, feeling like it too. How are you doing?"

-" do I really look like that when taking a shot?! "

From Joeeeeee q.

(reblogs and comments are very appreciated additional to your likes)

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: I Have a Lot of Feelings about a Lot of Things

I have lost track of how many missed cleaning appointments there were. It's been weeks. I've been scheduling twice a week since November in hopes of getting one a month. Which is annoying, but not nightmarish right now, but gets ugly fast in March, when Goth Millennial is going to burn through all their hours fast taking care of me post surgery.

The Millennials are working out a cooking schedule between them, but this is a huge load on Goth Millennial's shoulders.

Basically the company Medicare is out sourcing to is falling apart because treating their contract workers like shit and lying to them about things like mileage compensation when hiring them is a terrible business model in this economy on top of being an incredible shitty way to treat humans. My decision to start calling them the Asshole Agency within a week or two of starting to deal with them continues to be vindicated. The workers there need a union since the company is devoted to it's assholery, but I get why it's easier to quit.

The system is collapsing, basically. The Medicare advantage people know this and are "discussing options."

So Friday I spent hours playing phone tag with local volunteer organizations trying to get six weeks of help, but those systems are already flooded with people who are supposed to be getting Medicare advantage help, but can't because the Asshole agency isn't sending people and hasn't been for months. Still, I was hoping a short term acute need might get me in. The secular one got right back to me. They are full up. No word yet from the Catholics and the group that coordinates a bunch of protestant organizations.

I have been told over and over to try to get a church involved, but I'm not Christian and it feels weird, especially since most of my contacts with Christian strangers in the last couple decades involve aggressive proselytizers. I have Christian friends who are cool. I have no beef with the Quakers or the Unitarians or the Episcopalians or the Catholics who are trying to change things from within (Nuns on a Bus, queer friends trying to push their parish left) or what have you. I do have a beef with extremists, which most evangelicals are and the more conservative strands of catholic, orthodox, and Protestantism and there are a lot of door to door Mormons, Jehovah's witnesses, etc. in my part of the country.

Look, a had late family members who were very involved in their churches who were decent people with reasonable views. I was a Queer Medievalist and I have some sexy late medieval saint pin ups to prove it mixed in with all my other art, some of which references assorted other religions, despite never having been Catholic. I have a Quaker friend closer to me than my own sister.

I just… Christian religious strangers in my house make me uncomfortable as a queer non-Christian in a country where Christo-fascists are trying to make me literally illegal.

I know it would likely be fine. I did fine and made lots of friends at University which doing a major that is mostly Catholics, Ex-Catholics, and people in the process of converting. I come from a debate culture. I can quote scripture like Satan. ;) I was in Philosophy before I dropped out and moved west and switched to History in one form or another. I can talk theology across a whole lot of denominations and the major "heresies." I just don't want to anymore and I haven't wanted to for a long time. That was long ago and far away when I wasn't so exhausted and in pain.

I should have stared looking last August or October.

I am likely fucked because I waited too long.

Sigh.

In other news, I've been really doing well on the massive number of now mostly advanced physio things I have to do every day.

Sunday I was about a third of the way in when my arm noped out of about another third of Sunday's quota. I am trying to do all the remaining ones that don't move my arm that way, but I'm not sanguine.

I forgot to do my blood work Friday. I have an afternoon pre-op appointment Monday. Let us hope I remember then. I am so tired and it all hurts so much.

[wonderwitchch]

002 Amy

002 | Give me a character & I will tell you

How I feel about this character: 

I definitely like her a lot more now then I did back then. She's cute and sweet, but also strong. I like it when a character can be 100% completely 𝒻𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑒 ~💖 and it's not shown as a bad thing...at least not anymore. We'll get to that in unpopular opinions. But yeah, she's the heart of the group and I feel like she hasn't really been appreciated as such until recently.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Amy is just everyone's gf lmao. I think her loving personality makes her easy to ship with. I particularly like ShadAmy, SurgeAmy, and MetAmy....I'm sensing a pattern.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

I really like it when Knuckles and Amy interact. Amy is just genuinely a good friend and that's kind of important for someone who's lived alone on a floating island most of his life. Amy also is very respectful now and is a good listener which I think Knuckles would appreciate a lot. Also they totally train together, that twitter takeover was 100% canon, Amy can split the Earth with her hammer.

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

This current Amy IS the best depiction of Amy there's ever been. I've seen people say she's boring now, but I feel like these might be younger fans who don't understand just how annoying she used to be. This isn't internal misogyny talking, if anything it was whoever was writing her back then that was misogynistic. She was either a stalker or completely useless. Her personality was "girl" and her only thought was "Sonic". I would gladly take "boring" emotionally mature Amy over that any day, which I don't think is boring, if anything it helps balance things out. The only thing I will agree on is I think they should bring back her short temper because that shit's funny.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Already mentioned how I wished her and Shadow interacted more in the ask about Shadow, but specifically I'd love it if Amy pulled off some insane feat of strength that Shadow witnesses it and he's slightly perturbed and questions his status as the ultimate lifeform (in a comedic fashion).

my OTP: SHADAMY!

my cross over ship: Just send her any other girl from any other franchise and they'll be besties in no time.

a headcanon fact:

Amy might of stopped being the organizer for war and recovery efforts, but she still overexerts herself organizing social gatherings for everyone. Whenever given a task she will go to great lengths to get it done, even if it ends up exhausting her. There might be a part of her that does this because she feels guilty about how she used to act, and wants to be more useful to the group now.

[fedorahead]

i've been talking with my husband on the topic of the hypervigilance of oppressed minorities and traumatized people in general.

when a group of people are under constant threat, the individuals in those groups have to face every situation with the understanding that it can be an attack on them, it can be a threat to their safety or their life, it can destroy their relationships and even interfere with their jobs or housing or children. i know this, firsthand, as i imagine many people on this site do... and i'm demonstrably not above overcompensating for that looming threat myself, but i often struggle to see it in others. and thinking of myself as a threat, or a potential one, has to be a mindful exercise because it does not come naturally and honestly i haven't ever really had a strong need to consider.

i dunno if we're all really being played against each other. it feels like it, a lot of the time. but we all have to see each other as potentially life ruining, because honestly any stranger could be with the wrong series of choices or too public an online persona or letting too many details of your life out where people can find them.

and being in this headspace of at least a little bit but usually quite a lot more than a little bit on edge all the time is exhausting, it's awful, it makes us respond to things from that position of "this conversation is dangerous to me". which sucks somewhere like tumblr where regardless of what the people in charge are doing, the majority of the users are here for love, support, to share fandoms or art or whatever to create a beautiful space. and, often, to band together in solidarity. this is the only site i see hundreds of posts sending love and support to palestinians without the weird mysterious ~glitches~ that leave people unable to comment on pro-palestine posts. it's the only site i see mutual aid and emergency crowdfunding numbers actually go up as they get reblogged and passed around to people who may not even have enough for their own bills but are farther from homelessness than the person asking and so they donate what they can anyway. it's a beautiful community full of people stuck on survival mode, trying their best.

so i engaged with a post tonight earnestly, seeing it only from my perspective. which... is something we all need to work on as a general rule, but also i pride myself on my ability to see things from different angles and even being good at that i still very much did not understand the other side. explaining why i was getting pushback for what i said to someone who has less context and understanding helped me to realize, well, why i was getting pushback. and unlike experiences i've had before, in places more cynical and less communal, the people upset with me were also being earnest and i handled that poorly.

i don't ever want a trans woman (or anyone) on this website to feel like i am a danger to them, their safety... or even their joy on this site. because honestly, wrecking someone's day by being hostile to them is more than just getting some justice or being heard like it feels like in the moment. it's also adding to the pile of tiny and huge awful things they're dealing with already. it's telling that survival mode that yeah, actually, this time you were right and you should get up at arms at this person because they are damaging. because it is damage. every random pulse of cortisol from every self-righteous message is adding to the unnecessary shitty stress levels. every increasingly tense back and forth argument is a genuinely dangerous conflict on a biological level. our brains don't know the difference. and yeah, nobody's going to have a heart attack because somebody was a jerk to them online (i hope). but we have seen what too many jerks over too long does to. and when there's waves of negativity, it doesn't matter how big or small a part each person plays, because they're still adding up together to that wave. and trans women, every single trans woman right now, is facing one hell of a fucking wave.

so... i'm sorry my misread of a situation meant that i added to that. i'm sure it will happen again, but also, i think this will serve as a reminder to me next time to shut up, at least until i've actually put in the effort to understand what's even really being discussed, under the surface or on it, in the first place.

[pbandjesse]

I am sitting at a baseball game with James. I forgot that they said we were doing this today. I'm having a nice time but also I am really sleepy. Today was a pretty good day but I didn't sleep great and I just really wanted to be home.

I woke up and tried stretching and it helped a little. I got dressed and James would drive me to camp. They had a bagel for me. And it was a pretty nice drive in. We listened to a podcast and had big laughs about a game where you had to guess the host of a podcast based on the guests and we were having a great time.

We got to camp at 9 and James helped me get stuff out of the car. And then they left me at the office. Heather was just getting there but we both still had to wait because she left her office key at home. Opps.

So we talked about her trip to Zion national park last week. I got sure would love to go see that. Seems so unreal. And we also talked about pewter casting at camp. I would send her some stuff about it later.

Once Elizabeth got there she told me what needed to be done but also told me don't try to do everything because we had so much staff today. She was correct I would have just tried to do it alone and exhausted myself.

When I got outside Celia was pulling up so I asked if she just wanted to drive up to the low ropes course. And that was perfect. She was like yes but also my car is full of baby mice?? I did not care but I was like. Slightly concerned she is driving a mouse van.

We got up the low ropes and worked together to get that set out. She worked on the ladder and I untangled the ropes.

While we were finishing that up Sarah and Dachelle pulled up in the gator to get ground elements stuff to take over to the tipi feild. And then we headed over there to help untangle all of that.

It was kind of a slow wait. The bus was late. But it was fine. Once it did come I met it outside and helped direct traffic a bit until Elizabeth came over and we figured out what was up.

This was a sleepover group so they unloaded and went up to the cabins. I helped direct there too. And got to meet a few teachers that hadn't been there last week. Because this was the same school, just the highschool and not the middle school. And I recognized some of them from last year. And that was nice.

We got them all on the feild and they decided to do free choice to make their groups. Which would have been fine but then they did that again after lunch? So then the groups were all mismatched and there was no reason for that. It was so stupid and stressed everyone out.

But thankfully the programs all went super well. Me and Celia started with ground elements and would have low ropes the rest of the day. And it was lot of fun honestly. Having the larger groups allowed us to really do the programs more thoroughly. And when they didn't want to do it anymore I read a few of their fortunes. I had a big long chat with Celia about how neither of us believe in cards or magic or anything but card reading is so much for like. Story telling reasons. Interpreting and basically improve on the fly. It's just fun.

Lunch was quiet. Me and Celia ate on the porch. I paid some bills and did some accounting. It's half way through the head and I wanted to make some projections about the rest of it. And if things go the way I hope we should be in a pretty good place.

Like I said though they wanted to do free choice again in the afternoon. Which of course was super confusing and then we were all sort of thrown off. But it was fine in the end and we figured it out. I was a little stressed about it though and felt a little annoyed with the person who organized it but it would work out.

In the last group we did have one student who had already done low ropes. He requested we do the team wall though so we made that happen for him. And then got into low ropes. And while two people did fall, overall it was fun and everyone did great.

I checked in with the group about finishing early so they would have time to change for the pool. And that worked out great. Celia ran the swing while I watched the part of the group that was finished the program and Sarah worked on taking the ropes down.

We were very efficient.

Once the group left I headed to the field to put away ground elements for tomorrow. And then to the office to get the Gator key to go collect water coolers. Celia would come with me and we drove all around to find them. Finding Tony had dumped one out, which was only annoying because we were supposed to combine them to take to the pool. But whatever, with the others we made one full one. Dropped it off at the pool and then drove to the lodge to drop off the empty ones.

We got back to the office and of course then Elizabeth asked us to take the trash out at the lodge. Thankfully James was just pulling up to come get me so they drove us over there but it was already done so we were able to bust drop Celia off at her car and then me and James went home.

When we got back we ran into Nick in the hall. He just bought a house on 4 acres and is slowly moving and I'm so happy for him. It was also just really nice to see him.

I was happy to get out of my work clothes. I took a shower. I was coated in dust and it really made me feel better but I was still pretty tired. We laid in bed for a while. But at 530 we got ready to get out of there to go to the baseball game.

We walked to the lightrail station. Someone yelled out the window to ask if James was Justin Tucker, a sports person, and we got round trip tickets so we could get back easy later.

Taking the lightrail was nice. And we got here and got tickets no problem. James got us fries and they got themselves chicken tenders. Eventually we would also get cotton candy. And I've been having fun. The other team has 1 run and we have 7, which is very embarrassing for them. I've been enjoying people watching. And I'm tired and my earrings are hurting but I am happy.

Tomorrow I have an early day but we will have a short day as well. Ending after noon. So I'll come home and hopefully get some cleaning done. I hope tomorrow is fun. I hope we win. But even if we dont I am still glad we came!!!

Goodnight everyone!!

[stars-tonight]

hey there, may I ask a matchup? <3

as an anon I've chosen this 🫂 to be my emoji

I would like to have a long one, platonic.

my pronouns are she/her and I'd prefer to be matched with a guy

my ideal type would be someone who I can laugh with, someone kind and caring, but also someone who can I talk to about everything comes to mind, from the silliest thing to the most philosophical. someone that can accept me when I'm channelling my "mature" side, but that also can be there for when I'm more childish.

I'm the mom friend in my group, I'm an overachivier. I'm the middle child but also the first female daughter (I have two brothers older than me and two sisters younger than me, yes, my mental health is not the best lol). I love psychology and philosophy and I chose to study those subject at university. but I also love literature, art and maths. I'm an ambivert, I like spending time with my friends and I'm friendly with strangers I feel comfortable with, but I can often be perceived as cold because it takes some time for me to really open up with people.

I'm very understanding and caring towards everybody except myself, I always have to be at the top of my game and I know it's not the best thing in term of mental health and general wellbeing, but I'm working on it.

I love reading, watching TV series and anime, listening to music and going to the beach. the sea is like my comfort place, my happy place. I'm a kpop fan. I also play volleyball, even though I've had a couple of injuries so I can't play as much as I would like.

my love languages giving are words of affermation, physical touch and quality time. receiving my love languages are acts of service, physical touch and quality time.

I'm also asexual and I've recently decided to come out, but not like publicly, only to my close friends. so it's important to me that the person match with me can accept me, but also be very discreet about it, until I'm comfortable enough with sharing it with other people.

thank you so much <3<3<3

headcanons

🥛 akaashi is the first person that comes to mind with the words "talk to about everything"

🥛 would never judge you

🥛 always there for you when you're struggling with mental health

🥛 i feel like he'd be such a selfless friend

🥛 if you call him at three in the morning because you can't sleep

🥛 even if he's exhausted and sleepy

🥛 he'll talk to you on the phone until you fall asleep

🥛 although it's more likely he falls back asleep first

🥛 but will 100% text you in the morning to make sure you're okay

🥛 will remember every little thing that makes you upset

🥛 wants to make life as easy and beautiful for you as possible

🥛 he deals with childish bokuto on like a daily basis, so he's already programmed with "stern mom mode"

🥛 will also appreciate your mature side because he deals with childish bokuto on a daily basis

🥛 will often complain to you about bokuto so you can laugh at his childish antics together

🥛 also because of bokuto, akaashi has learned how to encourage people and speak gently

🥛 so he's very good at cheering you up

🥛 goes out of his way to do things with and for you

🥛 like if he sees you're having a tough time he'll bring you dinner

🥛 or he'll give you a book you've been eyeing and stick a note in it like "remember to drink lots of water and get some exercise"

🥛 also likes spending time with you, whether it's listening to music or watching shows

🥛 you two will probably have like a spotify blended playlist

🥛 and he'll actually listen to it

🥛 i believe he's a manga editor post-timeskip

🥛 will sometimes send you drafts of things he's working on so you can read them

🥛 although you have to promise you won't spoil anything to anyone else lol

🥛 if you're a fan of tenma he'll definitely get you a signature

🥛 will let you meet the original little giant

🥛 akaashi is like the one friend you can trust with all your secrets

🥛 would never tell anyone anything you tell him unless he thinks you're in danger

runner up for you was sawamura daichi!

A/N: i hope you liked it, 🫂anon! and congrats on coming out!! all the love and support 🫶

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[juststuffshere]

I have a love-hate relationship with those posts that are like "if you want your friend group to do this thing, be the one to organize that thing!" "you have to be the one to text first" "if you want genuine friendships, the fact is that you have to put in the work." I get it, yeah, and I agree, connections come easier when you're reaching out. but I have spent my entire life in draining, one-sided, often toxic relationships, desperately putting every last ounce of my energy into maintaining and improving relationships that I never get anything close to the same amount of effort out of. it is fucking exhausting. boyfriends, best friends, family members, I have had to fight, tooth and nail, to have a fulfilling relationship with. and the vast majority of those relationships don't exist anymore, because the second my effort level dropped, the relationship evaporated, because the other person wouldn't pick up the slack and we just weren't able to recover, no matter what I did. I am tired. so, so tired, and so, so lonely, but I just can't make myself do it anymore. I can't make myself text another group chat and get ignored day after day. if I get another "sorry for the late reply, I'm not available at that time but can we reschedule :)" text two days after I send an invite, I'm going to implode. I've had enough of clinging to people that can't even reach for me. I've had enough of vain attempts at arranging get togethers. I've had enough of being the organizer, the first texter, the planner, the rock. I can't even stand making small talk in my classes anymore, because the second I stop, the whole table goes silent. I've never had a friend that wasn't either using me, or someone I felt responsible for. I've never had a friend I could depend on, because the ones I could bring my problems to either brushed them off or used them to manipulate me, and the others I needed to be there for, so I couldn't make them feel like I wasn't capable of doing so. I've never had a friend willing to put the same amount of effort into our relationship, even for a little while, as I was routinely putting in just to keep it alive. I know there are people out there who would. I know there are people out there who could be everything I've ever wanted in a friend, a partner, whatever. I'm just tired. I can't do it anymore. I can't continue to be the one to do the work. I think about those goddamn posts every time I wish my lab mates were more talkative, my project group would actually meet in person, my coworker would text or even ask for my instagram. I know I don't have friends because I don't try to make friends. but I'm sick of it. and I say that and I still try. but every time I realize I'm the only one really conversing, and the three people at my lab table are just giving me "uh huh's" and "that's crazy's," it feels like getting punched in the gut. every time I send a message to my shitty roommates and it goes unanswered for days I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am burning myself up just trying to find someone to get lunch with me. I don't understand how other people do it. the mental illness probably isn't helping. but I no longer put any more effort into my friendships than I'm getting back, and it's depressing as hell that I can already see them fading. I stop trying to reach out to new friends when they aren't doing the same for me. I cried three times writing this stupid post, and all I can think about is how this might make me toxic, or lazy, or in some other way the problem. maybe it does. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I can't do it anymore. maybe I'm being unrealistic. maybe I'm doing something wrong. I don't know. but just once, I want someone to put in the effort for me.

[moonstonehailstorm]

Farewell, hopefully

The last time I did this kind of rants was to kill the crush, and take her out of my system for once and for all. And it worked. So, I salute you this time, this is for you.

You made me cry yesterday. And sadly, it was not the only time. Hopefully, it will be the last. Our rant was also not the only one. But I've noticed this pattern from which I've quit up until the last 5 years almost. Because I noticed that when I say something you don't like, you react badly. I have to anticipate how you are going to answer. And it's honestly exhausting.

Yesterday, I went down a spiral of things I started to remember from other times. You hate whenever we talk about how you love and approach other people, but you don't mind sending me ridiculous posts about people criticizing diversity, when you very well know I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community, and that I'm an ally in many ways. You don't like to talk about it, and I just have to accept it with a "I have other friends who laugh at this". And I can't say anything.

I was also thinking that... What would happen if I was the person who posted the story with a wholesome message from a friend instead? I know you would also react, but BADLY. With your damn jealousy, reclaiming something you never wanted. You've always possitively rejected any form of love and care from me. And I just had to accept your terms. "We are not like that. Don't tell anyone we're best friends. You know, and I know, but don't say it". Okay.

I wish this was new... But this has been going on for years. And I noticed something too, from this dettachement I've been doing: you give me the awful glances ever. It's been several times now that when I say something you don't agree with or don't like or whatever the hell it's going on in your brain, you just glance at me with the coldest, harshest eyes. But last week, I couldn't take it anymore, and I exploded in front of everyone and said "please, can you give me an even more AWFUL glance?!" Because I felt the fear running through my body that I was saying something you didn't like and wondered "what am I saying that it's wrong...?" But why?? Why the fuck should I refrain myself? And you laughed afterwards and changed your face immediately, because we were with a group of people. You make me feel sometimes that you don't like me at all.

I'm tired... Because there's no point to talk to you about all of this. I've tried several times: once, both of us drunk, it didn't go well. A couple other times, you denied it and said I was wrong or exaggerating. And several others making jokes, that I'm not sure if they're jokes anymore.

This friendship is worn out. You know this. I know this. But you want to keep going on for whatever reason. You've broken my heart several times, and I just keep letting you. You've abused me. I'm scared of you. You made me cry for the last time yesterday and I'm begging to the universe it's the last. I want you out of my heart. You've overstayed and I'm not happy anymore. You make me feel insecure all the damn time. And it's already showing... More people are now noticing how you treat me, without saying them anything. Up until then, I thought it was normal. I thought that's how a friendship should go, and that's how love between friends looks like. And I got tired of letting you. I step down for the first time 5 years ago. Now, I'm planning to leave completely.

I'm not going to lie, this hurts as hell... But I guess it would hurt more if I stay.

But I genuinely wonder... Am I going to keep silent and accommodating to you for the rest of our lives just to keep you on edge? So when does that stupid cycle of passive aggressiveness and bickering stop?

You're clinging to something it's not there anymore for several years now. And I regret pushing you to say something you clearly never wanted. You want everything and anything at the same time. You want all of my heart while crushing it all at once. This is insane.

And believe me, I'm aware that maybe I've done several awful stuff to you as well so you keep reacting to me like that. Maybe I hurt you and you never told me. Maybe I've been annoying, maybe I've been a bad friend. Maybe you're only used to me and it's for the sake of early years that you keep talking to me. Maybe we keep together because we miss the early years at school... Maybe I've provoked all of this and I don't know how... I'm very well aware this goes both ways and probably you have many things you're tired of me as well. But I'll never know, because you refuse to talk.

So... Yesterday was the last time you made me cry. It might have been my fault somehow, I don't know... But that was the last time.

Goodbye, dear friendship. You broke me for the last time.

[deeisace]

.

Typed this out last night and fell asleep without posting - still dressed and with the lights on, even

My uncle just flew in from Thailand to like help my dad some with their mum's funeral uhhh stuff

And obviously he's exhausted and it's a fuckin awful awful situation but idk like

My dad's been working out like who's gonna come and stuff, all my nana's friends and her facebook groups an all sorts, he's doing all the logistics and like most everything, and my uncle's gonna pay for it cs he's the business guy right

We've been talking a little bit in code cs my grandad has Alzheimer's and we don't want to upset him? But I think that's what's sorta been agreed

Also dad's sent an email to the Alzheimer's Society asking for advice of what we should do about grandad, if to tell him and upset him every 2 days, or to kinda leave it and say she's at hospital when he asks - dad also says that grandad's unlikely to last a year, this morning, which I didn't fully know

Anyway dad's done maths and my uncle hears there might be 60 people coming to Nana's - we don't have a huge family, there's maybe 15-20 family and the rest will be friends - and he says "no, we have to do something about that, I can't do that"

Which, totally fair enough to be socially anxious an stuff - maybe he's thinking he has to stand and talk, cs he's the oldest son, but there's no set way to do a funeral, he doesn't have to do that - absolutely totally fair, and it'd be fucking awful even without it being your mum's funeral

But who the fuck can we turn away, you can't turn people away from a funeral - from saying goodbye to someone they've known for 50 years, or who helped them through their cancer in between dealing with her own, or I don't know what else, she had a whole bunch of fb groups - she was a force of nature, and she helped a ton of people, and lots of people loved her, and I know it's hard and I know he has like social anxiety problems and fucking nobody wants to talk to ~60 strangers and/or people he hasn't seen for 30 years, for three hours, full stop, let alone in this fucking awful situation, but I don't know what else we can do?

Dad and him are going to the funeral people, they've got an appointment tomorrow morning to figure some stuff out, idk if they'll have an idea of what to do - dad says valium would help, but my uncle is not the sort as would agree to that, and my stepmum says maybe he can stay for a short while and then go uh like say he has to go and sit with his dad cs we couldn't organise an all-day carer (tho my dad's sorted that already, pending a date), which I think is probably the closest to a solution we can manage tbh

Oh I don't bloody know

Nice thing tho, I went out and got some lavender from the garden - her lavender, that dad says originally came from her mum's garden - to hang up and dry, so to sort of send with her? It was mum's idea, I think it's a nice one - dad helped me tie it up to hang on a hook in the garage, y'know, I'll find a nice ribbon for it - tho I imagine we'll (or dad will, he's been nonstop, I'm amazed in between my sadness) have to ask a funeral person if that's okay

But then mum's friend, her funeral was today, and they sent her off with - I forget which, but some nice greenery - like, with her - so it must be okay

I know that nana's funeral is going to be in about 2 weeks, but I need to remember to tell dad tomorrow that my granny's one is on the 24th, so if possible to avoid that day, so that I can go to both

[missluckycharms]

You, Me and Harry make three. Part One.

Summary: Joey, Izzy and Harry are in a poly relationship. They're head over heels for one another and they can't seem to keep their hands off each another, even when they really need to.

Harry is the Harry Styles, the man who is known for being so open and lovable. He's nervous to let the world see his girls, what would his fans think If he was dating two girls at the same time? And they all shared the one bed and home? He doesn't want to know, he wants them all to himself.

This small story follows the three and their rendezvous together behind the scenes.

Masterlist.

Warnings: Switch!Harry, Mommy kink, slight Daddy kink, FxFxM threesome, fingering, oral sex f+m receiving, Male + Female penetrative sex, Female + Female sex, spanking, choking, hair pulling, sneaking around (?) masturbation and mentions of it, degradation kink, praise kink, dirty talking, anal play, biting, polyamorous relationship.

Warnings apply to both first and second part!

Word count: 3.6k words.

A/N: There will be a part two, keep your eyes out for it. I also envision the women with Blonde and Brown hair, but you can apply any hair colour you want to this scenario, I just wanted to give a description to people who find it hard to imagine people :)

—

Adrenaline.

It's rushing through Harry's veins as he finishes his last concert of his first ever world tour. His body covered in sweat from singing Kiwi and total of three times and his suit jacket is for a fact dripping from all the dancing he did, his body isn't exhausted, no, it's hyped up and he could go out and perform again if he could.

It's a bittersweet moment ending the tour he thinks, on one hand he has more time to himself, more time for friends and family but on the other hand he doesn't get to do what he loves every night for at least another year, which is perform for thousands of people.

The crew is cheering and slapping him on the back as he walks off, the band following him as they all congratulate one another on completing the whole tour. There's tears, tight hugs and even a champagne bottle popped by Mitch, for someone who seems emotionless he was the most emotional one amongst them all. He basically cried into his champagne flute.

Harry pulls himself away from the crew celebration after an hour or two, his phone buzzing in his back pocket non stop as he tried to converse and have a fair well party with his whole crew — he knew exactly who was texting him, and they won't be happy he isn't responding like he usually does.

His phone is filled with messages, some from Joey and some from Izzy and a few more in the group chat they all have together. Harry is scrolling through them all as he sits in the back of the car on the way to their hotel room. He lets out a shaky breath when he sees two photos — one of Izzy wearing a bright pink lingerie set, her dark hair all around her while Joey wears a dark cobalt blue set, her platinum blonde hair vibrant against the lace.

Izzy is laying down as Joey looks at the camera between her legs, the picture being from Izzy's perspective while the second photo is similar, but this time Izzy's panties are off and Joey's head is nuzzled into her pussy.

If anyone knew what Harry Styles was hiding behind the scenes they would be shocked, he's hiding two beautiful women who are in plain sight for all his fans to see, the pair helping out the crew and makeup department on tours while only the three of them know what they do behind closed doors. It's somewhat thrilling to have this secret, it's spurs them on more and even makes them act out and fuck one another in public places, such as Harry's dressing room or even his tour bus when all the rest of the band is asleep — they all seem to get off on their little dirty secret.

Harry never wanted to hide his girls, he feels guilty for doing so. But to protect them and himself from the hate and backlash they would get for this, he settled on keeping them himself only. Sure, there's times where they'd want to go to a restaurant, hold hands all together and feed one another dessert like couple do, but they have to settle on a professional looking dinner, each spread around the table with a large gap between them all as they try and keep their hands away from one another, cameras flashing outside and update accounts flashing the images labelling Harry to be at a business dinner.

It does take a toll on them, some nights they all cry together and hold one another when one of them has to leave and see family, they all aren't ready to tell their families so when one leaves it's like something is ripped from them, it's like they're missing a piece of themselves. Harry is the one who's away a lot, giving the media to calm down on the speculations that Harry is dating one of them — it's mainly always Joey because she's blonde and seen as "Harry's type" because of that, both of his girls are his type.

They take small vacations together, the three of them locked away in a villa in Italy or even in Spain, their own private space to lounge by the pool together or even show affection to one another more openly around the foreign country — but then cameras show up snd Harry is immediately hurrying the girls inside as he pays off the paparazzi to not leak the photos.

It's tiring, they're all exhausted from hiding, but it's what they have to do.

Harry chuckles darkly as he looks at the photos, his hand sliding down to palm himself through his suit pants as he types out a message with one hand, a lazy smile on his face as the driver doesn't suspect a thing.

Harry: told you both to wait, you know what happens when you disobey me, my girls.

It's not long after he sent the message that he's parked outside the hotel, the driver opening his door as a security guard walks out and helps Harry into the hotel under all the preying eyes of fans and paparazzis who seem to love blinding him every second with their flashes and asking him ridiculous personal questions that you wouldn't even ask someone who is on trial.

His security guard walks him as far as the elevator, Harry saying he can do the rest by himself — but in reality he didn't want anyone but him to hear the sweet little moans that are probably coming from his suite right now.

"Couldn't even wait two hours for Daddy, huh?" He says deeply walking into the room, rolling the sleeves of his shirt up as the two girls both look at him on the bed, Izzy nearly passing out from pleasure as Joey smiles evilly from where she's sat between Izzy's legs.

Izzy makes grabby hands at Harry which he immediately melts at the sight, she's the more submissive one in the relationship, leaving Harry and Joey to be the more dominant ones, and when Harry is submissive it's usually Joey fucking Izzy before him as he watches.

"Feeling good pup?" He asks Izzy brushing a strand of her hair from her face, her eyes glazed over and mouth slight parted as Joey teases her, sucking and nipping at her clit as Harry rests beside them both.

"Yes Daddy" Izzy says softly, licking the thumb that Harry brushes over her bottom lip, he slowly pushes it into her mouth as she takes it in with a small whine and suckling noises are heard from her pretty mouth.

"That's a good girl. You enjoying yourself down there?" He asks Joey more sternly, she loves when he's stern with her, while Izzy loves it when he dotes on her.

"Mmh yeah, such a pretty tasting pussy" she teases him, keeping her eyes on his as she licks a big stripe up Izzy's centre, Harry's cock twitching in his pants at the sight as Izzy keeps sucking on his thumb.

"Hope you've had your fun puppies, because you both know how Daddy hates it when you disobey him" he says with a small laugh, the two girls looking at him as he removes himself from the bed, standing tall as he strips down to his boxers.

"C'mere my girls, wanna feel both of you suck my cock" he says palming himself as he watches Izzy cum on Joey's tongue before they both jump off the bed and into their knees.

"I'm only obeying because tonight is your night, prepare for you to lose all control tomorrow, Daddy" Joey says, Harry already knowing she means what she says as he smiles at her.

"I'll look forward to it Jo, darling" is all he says as he runs both of his hands through each of their hairs, one hand on Joey's head with her hair wrapped around his arm, as the other has Izzy's hair wrapped around it, guiding them both to his clothed cock.

"Take me out, go on, know you both missed Daddy's cock" he moans out when they both palm him through his underwear, their hands immediately pulling down his boxers as he kicks them off, standing tall as both girls look up at him innocently through their eyelashes.

They both flatten their tongues and run them up either side of his cock, Harry immediately tightening his grip on their hairs and throwing is head back a little as he grunts under his breathe at the feeling. They both suck the head of his cock, their tongues in each other's mouths a little as they dance along the slit collecting his pre cum as he nearly buckles under the feeling and view he has of his girls.

"That's it, suck Daddy's cock" he breaths out through moans, his eyes fighting to stay open so he can watch every move his girls make.

The room is filled with heavy grunts and moans, small whines and sucking sounds from them all, Harry throwing his head back as he curses loudly into the air, Joey and Izzy working on his cock fast and messily just how he likes it. He's nearly scent into a frenzy when Izzy focus's on his head and pumps the rest in her hand while Joey sucks his balls into her mouth, dribbling and moaning around them which vibrates through Harry's body sending shivers all over and erupting goosebumps on his skin.

"Need to fuck you both now, onto the bed" he says sternly, taking their heads away as they both whine and try to get back onto him. Gentle slaps to their cheeks cause both girls to scurry over onto the bed, kneeling down and watching as Harry rests onto the bed, back against the head board as he begins to stroke himself.

"Izzy, do you wanna ride Daddy first? Yeah?" He asks and he chuckles lighty when Izzy nods in excitement, crawling onto his lap as he welcomes her into his embrace.

"Joey, sit on my face, gonna eat that pretty cunt of yours while I fuck our darling little Izzy" Joey smiles darkly at this, both of them looking at Izzy who's smiling cheekily against Harry's chest, her petite frame lost in his broad one.

Harry lays completely on his back, Joey coming to sit down on his face, as Izzy teases herself with the head of his cock. Joey faces Izzy, their mouths immediately catching in a sloppy kiss as Harry helps Izzy slide himself into her. She doesn't move, she grinds down a little as Joey's tongue explores her mouth, her tattoo hand holding the petite girls face as Harry holds onto Joey's plush thighs, his face nearly being smothered but he loves it — he wants to be smothered by her thighs always.

"Look at you Izzy baby, taking me all, such a good girl for me" Harry says lowly, looking at Izzy from between Joey's legs as Izzy begins to move, Harry immediately grabbing Joey's thighs and sitting her flush onto his face, his nose resting on her tightest hole as his tongue flicks and sucks at her pussy.

"Ride Daddy's cock Iz, fuck yourself until you cum like a good girl" Joey whispers to Izzy, her hand holding the girl by the jaw as she speaks to her, their lips inches apart as Izzy falls apart on Harry, the feeling sending her into oblivion as she bounces harder and faster, erupting guttural moans from Harry.

"Is he making you feel good Jo?" Izzy asks, her voice a slight tremble as she moans loudly watching as Joey grinds herself down onto Harry's tongue with force.

"Yeah, but you're making him feel so much better baby, hear him? Hear him moan into my pussy because of the work you're doing?" Joey asks as Izzy smiles lazily at her, her words making her go faster and faster on Harry's cock which ends in him meeting her bounces with thrusts of his own.

"That's it, fuck her Daddy, fuck her so good" Joey moans out loudly, grabbing Izzy before she crashes down onto Harry, holding the girl in her arms as Harry fucks up into her with all his strength.

"Fuck, yes right there Daddy" Joey moans out, Harry fucking his tongue into her while he fucks Izzy hard, the two girls holding onto one another as Harry pleases them both.

It's not long before they both cum with screams of his name and a mixture of Daddy between them all, Joey being the loudest as Izzy is barely able to speak or keep her eyes open over how fucked she is.

"Feeling okay puppy?" Harry asks when Izzy is laid out on his chest, his cock slipped out of her as she comes down from her high, Joey beside him as they both cradle Izzy and help her calm down.

"M'okay, just tired Daddy" she slurs out, the two helping her lay down onto the bed, Joey laying beside her as Harry positions himself on top of a smiling Joey.

Izzy turns her head to watch the two, Harry immediately bending down to kiss her softly as Joey kisses Harry's jawline and runs her hands over his bare chest lightly, her fingers playing with his dangling necklaces as her legs wrap around his waist, ankles locking behind him.

"My two pretty girls, all fucked out" Harry whispers as Joey pushes her hips up to him, signalling she's ready as he pecks Izzy's face before pulling away and focusing back down on Joey.

"Eager little thing aren't you? Such a slut for Daddy" he says to her, their lips inches apart as Izzy gasps at his language, Joey smirking and enjoying every last word that drips from his mouth towards her.

"You're also a slut for me Daddy, don't lie" she fires back, Harry shaking his head as he lines himself up with her pussy.

"Right now, you're my little slut, take it all for me, yeah?" He says kissing her chest as he pushes himself in, her moans immediately filling the room as Izzy runs her fingers over the lace bralette on Joey's skin, her head right next hers as they both look up at Harry.

"Come on Daddy, fuck me like a whore" Joey whines out as Harry begins to pound into her harshly, his balls hitting her ass as she sets a fast pace that has Joey's eyes rolling into the back of her head.

"You're going to hard Daddy, gonna hurt Jo" Izzy says nearly crying, Harry immediately bringing a hand to her face and cradling it as the other cradles the back of Joey's pulling her hair lightly.

"She likes it hard baby, she likes Daddy to wreck her pussy and call her his little slut" he says softly and calmly to Izzy who pouts before pecking his lips.

"Harder Daddy, please" Joey moans out, Harry immediately thrusting faster and faster as he holds both of his girls in his arms, Joey's legs wrapped around him as Izzy pecks his bicep every now and then with small giggles.

"Yeah? Want it harder, does my little slut want it harder? Does she want me to fucking wreck her and make her unable to walk for days?" He asks sinisterly as Joey babbles and moans under him, her words slurred and her eyes leaking tears at the intense pleasure she's feeling.

"Wreck my pussy Daddy, fucking ruin me, yes!" She screams out when Harry hits her spot over and over again, Izzy's small fingers now rubbing circles over her clit as the two of them coax her towards an orgasm, which hits her hard and fast.

"C'mere, wanna kiss you both before I cum" he moans out, his hips slowly down as his two girls push their heads together so Harry can bend down and take both of their mouths at the same time, their tongues everywhere as they all moan and grab onto one another.

"Come on Daddy, cum for us" they both moan out, looking up as Harry kneels on the bed over the two of them, their hands on their boobs pushing them up as he strokes himself fast, his eyes rolling back and his body covered in sweat.

"Gonna look so pretty painted in my cum, my two pretty babies all fucked out beneath me" he moans out, their tongues out flat as he finally cums, spirts and ropes of his cum coat their chests and some splashes up onto their tongues as they swallow it greedily, their fingers rubbing through his cum painting them more as Harry watches in awe, completely spent.

"I love you both, so much" he says smiling at them, their faces glowing and their own smiles on their faces as they look at him like he's the best thing in their worlds — which he is.

"We love you too H, right Iz?" Joey asks Izzy who's trying to fight off sleep, her small nod and smile is enough for Harry as he coos over how cute she looks, her cheeks blushing at his complements as Joey kisses her face all over making her giggle out, Harry kissing Joey's as they all attack one another with kisses gently with laughs in between.

"Think it's time for a bath, huh?" Joey laughs out as Harry agrees, Izzy laughing also as they both lay next to one another covered in Harry's release.

"Don't move, I'll be back" Harry says, the pair of girls whistling and cheering him on as he runs to the bathroom butt ass naked, his laugh loud as he wets two wash cloths with warm water.

"Are you two ever gonna not laugh at my ass?" He asks kneeling over them again, one hand clutching a cloth and washing Izzy while the other washes Joey and gets rid of his cum from their skin.

"It's funny! It's so soft and squishy looking when it jiggles!" Izzy laughs out, Joey beside her nearly snorting as she laughs along, Harry laughing and shaking his head as he throws the cloths into a laundry bin.

"You have a cute butt Mr Styles" Joey says kissing his nose as he flops his body down onto them, one of their legs resting on his waist as he rests his head between their breasts, both of their fingers running through his hair.

"We can't stay like this" Joey is the first to speak up in a few minutes, sleep nearly taking over them all before she realises they need to clean up and get ready for bed — Izzy needs to do her skincare routine while Harry needs to drink his nightly cup of tea.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Come on, bath time" Harry groans, grabbing his boxers and sliding them back on to avoid anymore comments on his bare ass, the two girls avoid eye contact with him as they bite back their laughs looking at one another.

"I can hear you both laughing!"

"We aren't laughing!"

"Yes you are!"

"Nope!"

The three of them have been dating for almost a year now, everyday bringing something new but their love for one another grows by the second. Harry cherishes small moments with them, heck, he cherishes all moments with them. When they step outside together Harry addresses them as part of his crew to not raise any suspicion. But all he wants to do is scream at the top of his lungs that these two beautiful women are his girlfriends.

Just as Harry is filling the bath, adding Izzy's favourite bath bomb and setting out Joey's favourite body wash for her, a shout and a hard knocking is heard from behind the front door to the suite, causing the two girls laughs and conversation to stop.

They look at him as he holds up a finger to his lips, shushing them both as they nod watching as he heads for the door. He opens it slowly, only revealing his head. Jeff stands outside, his hand running through his hair as he jumps when Harry opens the door.

"There's fans outside, they won't leave until you come out. Please just walk out and show your face or something" Jeff says nearly passing out with anxiety, his hands shaking from how nervous he was being bombarded with the fans who are lined up outside the hotel at nearly midnight.

"Okay, I'll be down in a few" Harry sighs, knowing guilt will eat him alive if he doesn't see his fans, but he'll also feel guilty letting the girls bathe alone and be without him for awhile again.

"We heard, go down to them. We'll have a bath and you" Joey says walking over to Harry, Izzy beside her as they hold hands, Izzy shorter than the two as she looks at them softly. "Can bring us all up some wine when you're coming back up, sound good?" Joey finishes as Harry smiles looking at them both.

"Yes Ma'am's"

[fairycosmos]

Therapy is so mentally draining and also kinda a fucking scam unless you find a really good one. Paid an arm and a leg for 2 sessions only for the therapist to just kinda sit there and listen to me try to recount all my trauma as quickly as I could hoping for some kind of validation and wise insights to reassure me that I’m not a fucking freak. Group therapy might be better at least that way there’s people who can relate to u.. idk I hate my brain it’s a fuck. Stupid pain meat.

hey i'm sorry you had such a bad experience :( that fucking sucks. the price is absolutely crazy, sometimes it really does seem like a scam. i feel like there are a lot of uninvested, bored, boundary-less, money-hungry, agenda-ridden "professionals" in the field, which makes it feel like fucking hell to navigate sometimes. esp when you're already at your wits end. i get you, it really is expensive as hell and also so so emotionally tiring that simply shopping around for therapists certainly isn't as accessible or as easy as people make it out to be at all. but i will say that when you feel ready, both mentally and financially, i hope you know that it's an option you can always return to until you find what clicks, even if that process isn't as linear or as as simple as just trying on different therapists for size.

like, i haven't been in therapy for months now for basically the same reasons as you, but i'd already quit it once before going back again. and i noticed that every therapist works so individually, the dynamic is always going to be super unique depending on who you're talking to so like - i'd almost try to see it as getting a whole new form of treatment each time you go for it, rather than viewing it all as one nebulous blob of Therapy. because idk, it sounds dumb or whatever, but there is so much contained within that word, so many different avenues toward finding the version of help that will be compatible with your brain, finding the right person who can give it to you. and communicating with MH professionals about your pain/trauma does get better the more you do it, doesn't exhaust you as much, so at least there's that too. it's not hopeless, it's just hard unfortunately.

though it is like sorting through trash to find treasure, and obviously your frustration/sadness is totally justified. maybe that's all anecdotal, but what i am 100% certain of is that you're not a freak - especially for dealing with mental health issues. no matter what they look like. you could pluck 5 people off the street and i'm sure at least 3 of them would have thoughts and issues that mirror your own in some way. therapists have heard it all before, but as patients we feel like we must be the only ones who've ever lost it in this exact way before, since we don't get to see others in their most vulnerable state very often. but i think if we did, there'd be some common ground. sounds like group therapy could be really good for you - they're often a little cheaper, too. i hope you're able to look into it at your own pace. proud of you for getting help in the first place. that's fucking huge, you're doing way better than the stupid sack of meat in ur skull is allowing you to see. sending you a hug. <3 x

[justgayrevolutionnaries]

You got living to do

Or : Enjolras does too much and his friend tries to knock some sense into him.

My gift for @cherrypigeon as part of the @drinkwithme-exchange ! You requested Enjolras and Eponine friendship and I really wanted to see what I could do with them, so here you go <3

Also a big thank you to @aceofspades-smt for being an amazing beta, it was my first fic and you really helped me through it !

Enjolras doesn't really know at what point he lost track of time. Sure, after the meeting was over, he told Courfeyrac and Combeferre that he wouldn't stay here for too long, but there is just too much stuff he needs to get done. He tried to keep writing his speech for the next protest, and when he ran out of inspiration went back to reading that article about the changes in the Congress, made a note to himself that he needs to get Grantaire a birthday present for next week, then went to see if the online petition Les Amis started got more votes since the last time he checked (ten minutes ago). Then replied hotly that guy on their website who apparently had nothing better to do than to insult the group and their actions. Then-

"Earth to Enjolras, is anyone there ?"

The unexpected voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry, you were saying something ?" The blond asks, removing his headphones and looking at the person standing next to him.

Eponine sights heavily (and, he thinks, quite dramatically).

"I was asking if you were planning to stay here all night or if, very hypothetically, part of you would be sensible enough to think about getting some sleep ?"

He shoots her a confused glance "What are you talking about ? I've been here for-"

"Three hours straight. It's almost midnight, dumbass, and I hate kicking you out but we have to close at some point."

With a look of horror, Enjolras realizes he got lost working on this for way longer than he thought.

"Shit, shit, shit", he mutters, very eloquently, while glancing at his watch. Maybe there is still a way he can make it to the metro station before it closes- he really doesn't want to walk an hour to his and Ferre's apartment in the middle of the night.

"Man, you look really bad. Like, worse than usual. Need a ride ?"

Ignoring the exhausted part of his brain that wants to accept, he shakes his head and sends her a smile that tries to look thankful, but is really just too tired to be convincing.

"I will be fine, don't bother. You need to go home, too."

"I mean, I told Gav I'd come back early, but y'know, I think the kid won't die if I leave him alone twenty more minutes. At least I'm gonna pretend I trust him not to set anything on fire while I'm not there."

Enjolras can't help but snort at this - Eponine isn't really one to talk, being on Courf's list of "people most likely to set something on fire in a kitchen" (along, for the record, with Enjolras himself).

"C'mon, Enjolras, you look ready to fall asleep on the spot. You really feel like being an idiot and refusing my help ? Because that's, like, a very stupid move."

Again, he vaguely tries to protest, or at least to sound offended, but she doesn't really sound like giving him a choice. God, I'm definitely too tired for this.

After packing all his stuff carefully (Ferre is gonna kill him if he forgets his coat again), he follows his friend outside. Part of him briefly wonders when and how Eponine got a car, but his brain is so clouded he decides it's not worth asking. Still, it feels weird to rely on Eponine for something. He is more used to arguing with her than to seeing her being helpful.

As a matter of fact, the first time Eponine showed up at a Les Amis meeting, the two of them didn't exactly get along well - Enjolras seeing her only as a lovestruck girl who came along because of Pontmercy, while Eponine already had her own not-so-positive opinion on him based on Grantaire's endless rants.

It took them exactly two weeks and a protest gone wrong to realize that maybe they needed to change their opinion on each other. Since then, they didn't exactly become friends, as they never really had a conversation that wasn't either about their actions with Les Amis or Enjolras's relationship with Grantaire, but at least they managed to get along. Kind of. Given how headstrong and outspoken they both were, their relationship was still a rather tumultuous one. The kind that involved a fair amount of annoying the hell out of each other from time to time, through almost-constant bickering and bullying (affectionate bickering, you might say, although both of them would rather die than call it that way).

But apparently, they were comfortable enough around each other to just sit in silence together without it becoming too awkward. It was one of the things Enjolras unconsciously noticed about her : since she started dating Cosette, Eponine became a lot more relaxed and easy to hang out with. They may not be close, but Enjolras is glad to see his previously morose friend looking so happy.

"Y'know, I wasn't joking earlier" Eponine suddenly says, snapping him out of his thoughts for the second time in the evening, which makes him realize he had been on the verge of falling asleep on his seat. Again. Which is a little concerning, since he has never ever been able to even come close to sleeping in a driving car.

Okay, so much for avoiding awkward conversations.

"What ?"

"Are you actually planning to get some sleep anytime soon ?"

"I am getting sleep !" snaps Enjolras, slightly annoyed by the question. How is that any of her business ? "It's just… there is some stuff I need to finish, but it's nothing more than usual."

Again, his friend lets out a sigh while shooting him a concerned and slightly exasperated look. Enjolras staying up all night to plan a rally or some other action, or even just study something, was nothing unusual. All of les Amis knew that when their friend was getting passionate about something he could stay up for days to think about it, and they usually tried not to worry too much when that happened. But this time something felt different. The blond had been acting like this for weeks, drowning into work and not really taking time for himself or to hang out with his friends.

"Listen, Enjolras, I am your friend, okay ? I just want to help you here. I know what this means to you, but you need to understand you can not keep going like this. You can't just get caught up in the idea of saving people to the point where you forget to live your own life."

"Wha- I don't-" he feels so frustrated by what she is saying that he doesn't even know what he wants to say. "Are you serious, 'Ponine ? Who cares about my life ? When I look at the world around me, you think I want to keep living my life like nothing is happening ? People need help ! We need to do protests, tell more people to- to just do something !"

He seems to be on the verge of tears now - which is how Eponine understands that this may be worse than she thought. It's not that she thought Enjolras wasn't capable of being emotional, obviously, but he never actually showed it to people who weren't his closest friends. And even then, it took the combined forces of Courf, Combeferre and Grantaire to get him to admit what was wrong.

"Okay, listen. Just for once, don't be an idiot and listen, okay ?"

She waits until he gives her a reluctant nod to keep talking.

"You are enough, Enjolras. You are doing more than any other person I know, and - god, I can't believe I am saying this - I really, really respect you for it. I respect the way you just always try to make other people's lives better, no matter what. Trust me, what you are doing is good enough. But you need to understand that at some point you can't just always keep doing more. And most importantly, you can't take everything upon yourself, not when we are all here to help you. You aren't gonna save the world by working yourself to death, Enjolras."

He vaguely tries to say something, but Eponine shoots him a look that makes him very effectively shut his mouth. Maybe the girl seems harmless to people who didn't know her, but she could be terrifying sometimes - like when Enjolras started dating Grantaire and she showed up at his door to give him the basic "you hurt him, I kill you" talk, which the blond has absolutely no reason not to believe given the way she looked at him. Which is why, for once, Enjolras thinks it might be wise not to argue back - this, and the fact that a part of him, even if he really doesn't want to accept it, knows that she is right. But still, that doesn't make it easier to accept.

"I know how much you don't want to listen to my advice, but at least take time to think about it, okay ? And whether you like it or not, your friends care about you. So you need to understand we won't stop giving you those talks until you actually start listening, got it ?"

Enjolras still doesn't answer - but this time, it's because he has a knot in his throat that makes him feel like he is going to start crying if he says anything. Eponine is, has always been, a brutally honest person, and the way she told him that his friends care about him went right through his heart. Even if, sometimes, he still struggles with the idea of people loving him for who he is, he knows his friends care. And he knows that if he doesn't listen to them, they would very well be able to lock him up until he starts taking care of himself. And as much as that frustrates him, he really, really loves his friends for it. So yeah, maybe this one time, he can consider listening to Eponine. Maybe.

Still, when he gets out of the car, it feels like a weight has been taken off his chest.

"Thank you. Really." He doesn't add anything else, because he knows he will always be too stubborn to admit he really needed the help from Eponine Thénardier. It doesn't matter, though, because he knows his friend understands what he meant - she can't help but smirks, and he sees very well how hard she is trying not to say anything sarcastic as an answer.

"Anytime, blondie."

"Don't call- yeah, okay," he sighs. Could be worse.

[fairyoftbz]

it's never too late... | b. jacob

🏀 pairing: crush! basketball player! jacob x fem!reader 🏀 genre: high school!au, fluff, (sort of) strangers/acquaintances-to-lovers 🏀 word count: 5.2k 🏀 tw: very cliché 😳 and it goes kinda fast lmaoo 🏀 a/n: lisa I'm sorry I took this long to do your request, but I hope you'll like it nonetheless!! ALSO: to my fellow Americans, here football = soccer!! 🏀 requested: yes! thank you lisa!! @skrtbabe

╰☆☆☆☆╮

You had waited for this time since the beginning of your academic journey there. Graduating from high school was two months away, and it felt just as exciting as weird.

It felt like you had started your first year last week, but the amount of work and time spent in those dull buildings makes you feel like you’ve been there for at least five years.

It was exhausting to attend classes and see the same people every single day of the year, with repetitive subjects, annoying or cool teachers depending on your luck and everything that followed. The homework, the assignments, the small -or not so small- fights between classes or groups of people, you were praying that university wouldn’t sound like that.

However, at the same time, you were almost starting to feel nostalgic for this time. The last years where you could remain a bit silly before entering the adult world, being in your last teen years with people that you appreciated and met there. You chose to do this before letting them go and live your own lives, memories that will disappear if you don’t cherish them enough.

So, with Soyeon, your best friend, you decided to enjoy the time that you had left to do things together while still studying and revising for the exams, which was sometimes not easy to do. Yes, you shared classes, but personal and private activities sometimes came in the way and prevented you from hanging out.

“It’s life after all,” she said one night over the phone as you shared your opinion on this topic, “it’s good that we can be together almost 24/7, but sometimes, things don’t allow us to be together. It might be for the best, we never know,” she said, trying to be positive no matter the situation she was in, but you knew her well. As much as she wants to appear strong, you had found her many times crying on her own. But it was her personality, and no matter how hard you tried to change her, what's bred in the bone comes out in the flesh.

Soyeon wasn’t your only friend, you were getting along well with most of your girl classmates, as well as the boys that weren’t suffocating under the number of pick-me-girls that were populating your school and your class.

Sadly for you, you’ve been eyeing the most popular (and prettiest) boy in your whole school since you crossed gaze with him at the very beginning of your first year there. Jacob, your crush, was also the star basketball player of your school, and constantly surrounded and attracting cheerleaders or rich, random, good-looking girls, which had a knack for getting on your nerves. He was always spending time together with his pals and teammates, but other people as well. Everyone wanted to be his friend because you know, he had a promising career ahead of him, so it was always nice to be friends with a potential future celebrity.

As defeated as you were, there was still a small voice in your head telling you to do something before he left to go back to his home country, South Korea, where he had a career already planned and traced out.

You were confused as it was almost impossible for you to get a chance with him since you were not one of those girls and you simply couldn’t compete against them, but Soyeon and her boyfriend Sunwoo were always there to praise you and reassure you about your potential chances of dating him. Never convinced by your friends’ words, you had tried many times to get him out of your head and focus on someone else, but it never worked. Everything came back to him. He was unique and oh so nice, everything reminded you of him, and it was sickening at this point.

“He won't get out of my head, it’s getting on my nerves,” you shared your thoughts to your best friend as you braced your head in your hands, slapping your cheeks as if it were going to change anything and help you throw Jacob out of your brain.

“Why do I keep this stupid boy in my head when I know I don’t stand a single chance against those girls,” you slapped your cheeks harder and whined as Soyeon’s hand landed on your wrist.

“Y/N, stop your nonsense. You are perfect, you don’t need to change anything for him!”

“It’s easier said than done, you pulled the football star player!” you exclaimed, and she rolled her eyes, shifting closer to whisper.

“He pulled me because he knew that I am pretty, and that wouldn’t change a single thing for him. If he’s not happy with who I am, he can leave,” she shrugs, signalling you to do the same if you dated Jacob.

Sunwoo was also among the popular boys, but your friend remained the same, not even trying to fit in with the popular girls. She claimed that Sunwoo fell in love with her for her true self, so she didn’t see the point of changing to please other people. And you wished you had her confidence and her strength, admiring her for not changing anything about herself to please others.

Back to the present.

You felt stuck, desperately in love with an unapproachable boy who was too popular and way out of your league to be lucky to have his eyes sparing you any sort of attention. Even if he was a sweet young man, he was always surrounded by popular people, who were trying to hook up or use him for his school fame and sharp features.

One day, while studying with your best friend at the library, Sunwoo and one of his friends, Hyunjae, the football captain, burst into the library and come not so quietly to your table.

“For the love of God, can you both be quiet for once?” Soyeon whispered-yelled but her voice got toned down by Sunwoo vividly pressing his lips on hers, an arm wrapping around her shoulders. Hyunjae laughed but quickly gagged as they didn’t stop the kiss as quickly as the captain wished.

“Gosh, please, get a room,” he mumbled before hugging you, your knee resting against his as his arms pressed you against his chest.

Your friendship with Hyunjae felt more like siblings, he was genuinely nice and caring with you, making sure that you were okay and that you had enough of everything before allowing you to go home. Despite all the teasing and a few rumours going around school, you were not dating and didn’t have any romantic feelings for each other. He simply checked that you had an older brother figure since you were the first-born child, and it felt relieving.

The thing you did not know was that Jacob and a few of his basketball teammates, Juyeon, Eric and Younghoon, were a few tables away from yours, your back facing them, the future star looking at you and Hyunjae from the corner of his eyes. He nodded at his friend at your table, who gave him a wink as an answer, Jacob’s eyes burning holes into your back as Hyunjae was close to you. Too close to you for the basketball player not to feel something churn in his stomach.

Two long, manicured fingers snapped in front of his eyes to get him out of his reverie, lazily looking at the girl that sat across from him, who he was supposed to get help from.

“Jacob please, pay attention to meeeeee,” she whined and pouted, giving him puppy eyes that he couldn’t give a single fuck about, too busy in his mind to hear what she had to say.

She had volunteered to help him study History, but she wasn’t any better, probably worse than he was. It was already the third time Juyeon corrected her basic knowledge without being an expert himself, not even caring about the death glares she kept sending him. It only made him smirk as he knew it irked her dearly yet amused the rest of the table a lot.

They all sighed as she finally took the hint and left their table, Jacob bitterly chuckling as Hyunjae rolled his eyes when she walked past your table, his demeanour making you laugh.

╰☆╮

“Bro, do you think I should ask Y/N for help? Isn’t that a bit… lame?” Jacob sat on one of the soccer balls, hands joined and panting as Sunwoo practised his dribbling skills before shooting the ball in the cages, aiming for the up-right corner. He trotted to his friend and collapsed on the grass next to him, the last rays of sunshine offering his skin a wonderful, honey glow. He ruffled his hair after plopping down, checking his phone for any message before answering.

“If you need help, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask her. I mean, she’s super smart in every subject, but she’s just the boss in History. Her presentations are always golden, and she explains things a lot better than some of the teachers.”

“I got Smith as a teacher,” the basketball player grimaced, his left hand holding his right wrist as his gaze wandered in the grass.

“We’ve got Antal, and I can tell you that she’s always mad when Y/N does a presentation because they honestly just sound better than her lessons,” Sunwoo chuckled as Jacob pondered his friend’s words, the gears of his mind working at full speed.

How is he going to be able to approach you and get to talk to you?

╰☆╮

“Bestie, no. I swear I saw that in the other book,” you said as you found yourself back in the library the following week, bending over the table to grab the book your best friend was resting hers on. You started flipping some pages when a loud, masculine chortle followed by some whispers of annoyance drawing your attention.

“Hi, babe! Hi Hyunj- Oh hi Jacob!” your neck almost snapped as you abruptly lifted your head up at the mention of your crush’s name, a small, embarrassed smile making its way on your mouth. You were a bit sad that your brother best friend was not here with Sunwoo, but you weren’t going to complain to have your crush instead.

“Can I sit here?” the basketball player asked in a soft voice while pointing at the empty spot next to you, making you quickly nod and gather your stuff to make him some space.

You resumed searching for the precious paragraph you were searching for your project as if it were nothing, trying to ignore your stammering heart in your chest and the couple eating each other's mouths. The only thing you hoped was that Jacob couldn’t hear the loud, irregular beats in your ribcage because it would give in your attraction to him.

“Hum, Y/N?” the voice next to you made you flinch, surprised that he knew your name and that he said it aloud.

“Y-Yes?” you said, cursing in your head as you stuttered.

“I heard that you were the Ace when it came to History,” Jacob started, and you couldn’t look at him in the eyes, fire spreading in your chest up to your face.

“I can’t really say that I’m the Ace, but I really love that subject, so yeah I have some… knowledge,” words tripped over your tongue, and your best friend pulled away from Sunwoo and scoffed.

“Some knowledge? Are you kidding?” she said, Sunwoo placing a hand on her mouth as she was louder than intended. She removed his palm and furrowed her brows at him, before turning her head back at you with the same angry expression.

“She knows so fucking much that Antal hates her because she feels humiliated compared to Y/N. So let me tell you one thing, Cobbie, if you need help, you’ve come to the right person. Y/N is just a living encyclopaedia,” your best friend proudly smirked as you glowered at her, Sunwoo chuckling at his girlfriend’s behaviour before immediately stopping.

“Wait, did you call him Cobbie? How come you call him like that when I get nothing other than babe or baby?” Sunwoo argued while pouting, and your best friend sighed, ruffling his hair before pressing her lips against his one more time, making you slightly grimace as envy flooded your veins.

You sighed and dared to look at Jacob, who was reading the beginning of your essay written on your computer, leaving Sunwoo and your best friend bicker like the cute couple they were.

“Do you have this project too?” you asked, and he shook his head, eyes remaining glued on the computer screen.

“It’s so interesting what you wrote, I like your way of writing and explaining stuff,” he offered a small smile as he looked at you, clearing his throat. For someone that was super popular and constantly surrounded by friends or people at parties, he behaved and sounded quite like an introvert.

“W-Well, thank you,” you said with a smile and turned your head to the side for a second, taking a deep breath before looking back at him, opening a new tab on your computer after he gestured to you that he was done reading.

“What do you need help with?”

╰☆╮

You were astonished at how quick-minded Jacob was. Behind his fit, muscular appearance and obsession with basketball, he had the soul of a thinker and grasped the knowledge of historical concepts quite easily and rapidly. He just wasn’t good with the way Smith was teaching, the method not suiting him.

“You retain things well for someone who hates History,” you joked, and he shyly smiled, scratching his neck. His smile looked gorgeous, and you were pleasantly surprised at how much of a genuine person he was.

“Well, History is not my cup of tea, but it might be a bit more thanks to you,” he said, and you tried to stifle a smile, thankful that your best friend was no longer sitting across from you because she wouldn’t have let you two live.

“It’s nothing. You can come back to me if you need help, I really don’t mind. I actually like explaining things,” you said, and he nodded, clicking your pen close before placing it in your pouch.

“Thank you, really. Sunwoo was actually the one that told me about you, so I have to thank him as well,” you stood up and slowly started to pack your stuff, shutting down your computer with a smile.

“I’m glad he did so, I just hope it was positive,” you giggled, and he quickly joined you, twirling his pen in between his fingers as he cleared his throat.

“You know, it’s Sunwoo. It can only be nice and positive,” you genuinely smiled at him and fall in silence, throwing glances at each other from time to time as the conversation was slowly starting to die down.

“And... How’s basketball going by the way? Is everything going well?” you asked, and his heart skipped a beat at your question as it took him off guard.

“I-It’s going pretty well, I’m excited to finish high school to be able to focus on basketball. I’m gonna have to take some of my last finals in South Korea because the season and the training start pretty early in Summer so…” his voice trailed as his eyes widened, a hand slapping his mouth as you both stood up.

“What?” you quizzed, confused by his sudden change of behaviour.

“I… was meant to keep this a secret,” his voice trailed, the end of his sentence falling in a whisper as he started panicking. “Can we pretend you didn’t hear what I said?” he asked as you placed your bag strap on your shoulder, taking your sweater before pushing the chair against the table.

“Said what?” you replied with a smile, and Jacob sighed in relief, somehow feeling like his secret was safe with you, even if you’ve talked to him for the first time at the beginning of the afternoon.

╰☆╮

The rest of the month rolled off smoothly, yet the stress and the revisions became more intense as the days went by. You didn’t hear anything back from Jacob, but you’ve caught him staring at you a few times, offering him an awkward wave and a smile as not to get noticed by some of his “fan girls”, as they called themselves.

You still had a whole month left before finals, and you felt blessed as summer decided to start a bit earlier this year. It was only the beginning of May, but you were already able to wear shorts and dresses. It felt good to see the blue sky and being surrounded by the warmth of the sun hitting your exposed skin after the cold, lonely winter and spring you’ve just got out of. Everything looked prettier and warmer, and it did nothing but make you happier and brighter, despite the stress of the finals piling up on your shoulders.

So, to get rid of this pressure, you decided to leave town with Hyunjae and let him drive to one of the lakes that surrounded your town, knowing that the beach and parks would get crowded in no time. It was a place that you used to go to with your parents when you were still a child, memories that you shared with your friend coming back flooding in your mind.

Hyunjae and his family tagged along to give you some company and take care of you as your parents were busy looking after your newborn twin sisters, Hyunjae and his younger brother acting like elder siblings to you.

After driving for a few dozens of minutes, you settled your stuff in the shade, right under a weeping willow that offered you freshness throughout the entire day. Your best friend napped almost the entire time you were there, hand lingering on his abs while the other plucked out some grass until he dozed off, trying to store as many hours of rest as possible before finals. By his side was you, reading a book and enjoying the chilly water to cool down from the hot temperatures of early Summer, playfully nudging the young man next to you each time he was starting to snore.

It’s near the middle of the afternoon that you heard another car pulling up near the lake, a bunch of excited teenagers coming out of a van. You didn’t pay much attention to them, only sighing as your peace was about to get ruined, their screams when they jumped in the water woke your best friend up.

He abruptly sat up next to you and rubbed his eyes, some sleeping marks lingering on his face, making you giggle. Being the short-sighted idiot that he was, he squinted to try and recognise some people, but he didn’t have to.

A young woman screamed and started jumping up and down, waving her arms above her head in your direction, hearing her scream something towards you.

You looked at each other with Hyunjae, confusion painted on your faces, hearing your phone buzz in your small bag hidden by your folded clothes.

“Hello?” you said as Hyunjae’s phone started vibrating too, picking up the call as well.

“Y/N, it’s us! We’re on the opposite side of the lake! Come and join us!” you heard your best friend yell in your ear, hearing her as well through Hyunjae’s phone, who picked up a call from her boyfriend.

“Okay, we’re coming!” you excitingly said as you hung up, waving at your best friend from your spot as you started packing your stuff to get back in the car and meet up with your friends.

Your best friend excitingly jumped in your arms as soon as you got out of the car,

“Tt’s crazy how we’re so connected! Did you also think that the beach would be crowded?” she asked, and you nodded with a smile, happy to see her this joyful to see you.

The inseparable duo was here, as well as Younghoon, Jacob, Eric, Juyeon and Sangyeon, the striker of the football team. They all engulfed you in a tight hug, Jacob staying in the background the entire time.

“Hi Jacob!” you brightly said and wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him close. “Hi Y/N,” his answer vibrated in his chest and had repercussions in yours, sending your heart flying in your ribcage.

You looked so good being this carefree, it was thankfully a sight that he managed to imprint in his mind despite the shortness of the moment. Being surrounded by all your friends felt so good that you forgot to be awkward and worry about the stupidest things, and Jacob adored seeing you this natural and smiling in the company of your friends. He was a bit sad that he wasn’t fully the reason for your smile though, but he still managed to enjoy the rest of the day with you and your mutual friends, whether you were on the ground or in the water.

Sangyeon, Younghoon and Juyeon copied Hyunjae and joined him in a restoring nap, while Eric, Sunwoo, Jacob, Soyeon and you played different games in the water, improvising a volleyball match with an imaginary net and the ball Sunwoo took with him as the volleyball, but it did the job. It was just a bit hurtful for the liberos since it wasn’t as soft and bouncy as a volleyball, but the joy of the moment allowed any type of pain to become bearable.

The evening eventually started to settle in, and you all got out of the water, drying yourselves before deciding to spend a part of the night here. You helped Sangyeon build a bonfire in the safe area by bringing some different branches, the eldest placing them correctly before lighting them with his pocket lighter.

“Hyung! I didn’t know you were a boy-scout,” Sunwoo exclaimed and made everyone laughed as you all were sliding some marshmallows on a stick, Sangyeon smiling with modesty at everyone.

“Ya, don’t say this,” Sangyeon mumbled, and you smile, rubbing his upper back as he sat down next to you, thanking him when you handed him over his marshmallow stick.

“Oh no! Mine burnt,” Soyeon pouted when she retrieved her snack from the flames, and her boyfriend was quick to give her his sweets, Eric cooing at the gesture of affection.

“Give it to me, I like them burnt,” he mumbled as he bit in the fluffy texture, immediately regretting it as it was boiling. His girlfriend handed him water as he stood up, bouncing up and down to try and reduce what felt like flames in his mouth.

“Oh my, thanks babe,” he muttered with his mouth stuffed when he gulped down everything with a pained expression on his face. Eric’s eyes filled with boredom locked into yours and you both chuckled, your friend shaking his head.

“When is it gonna be my turn,” he huffed and Sunwoo hit him playfully in the back as you all laughed around the bonfire, relating to your friend.

“When you’ll stop being obsessed with football and mango juice,” Eric grunted and folded his arms over his chest as Sangyeon called him out, making you coo and playfully run to him, holding him against you as he fake-cried on your chest while everyone was laughing at him.

Except for Jacob, who only offered a weak smile, but you didn’t catch it, too busy having fun and being light-hearted with your friends.

After your stomachs were filled with sweets and soda, Sunwoo pulled out his guitar and strummed a soft melody until some became heavy-eyed or fell asleep against the other, his girlfriend succumbing to his musical talents first. Jacob looked exhausted as well but forced his eyes open, finding him even hotter with hooded eyelids and his hair slightly curling with the humidity of the air and the lake water.

When it was time to go home, Hyunjae, as well as Younghoon, Sunwoo, Soyeon and Eric decided to jump into Hyunjae’s car to go to the beach, feeling the urge and the thrill of going skinny-dipping. On the other hand, you and the rest of the boys were too exhausted and modest to do this, only wanting to go home and get some good rest.

Just like they had arrived, Sangyeon was behind the wheel while the rest was either next to him or in the back seat. And you didn’t know how it happened, but you got stuck between the window and Jacob, who was struggling to keep his eyes open.

“You good?” you asked, and he turned his head towards you before offering you a tired yet sweet smile, moving his head up and down.

“I'm just exhausted, tonight was simply amazing,” he mumbled, and you expressed your agreement by a happy hum and a nod, bringing your attention to your eldest friend.

“Are you sure you’re awake enough to drive?” you enquired on the current situation and Sangyeon looks at you through the inner rear-view mirror, eyes forming two crescent moons as he smiled.

“I just jumped in the water, I’m nothing but awake,” he clapped in his hands to motivate himself and started the engine, your best friend’s car already gone.

Jacob rested his head against the headrest and closed his eyes, his head rolling to the side each time Sangyeon took a turn. You settled yourself on the window and let the vibrations of the car lull you to sleep, the small talk that Sangyeon and Juyeon were having in the front seats acted like a background noise, which helped you dozing off.

However, when the car pulled up in front of your house, they didn’t expect you to have your head resting against Jacob’s shoulder, his hand on your knee. The two men smiled at each other before Sangyeon got out of the vehicle, drawing the door open. As he was about to carry you to your doorstep, Jacob’s arm was quick to wrap itself around your waist, keeping you close to him.

You woke up confused, blinking a few times as you saw the striker standing next to you with a wide smile on his face. He removed a limb around your body, and you felt someone groan under your right shoulder, noticing in dread that you snuggled up to Jacob for some warmth in your sleep.

“You gotta go before the beast wakes up,” Sangyeon joked and winked as he helped you get out of the car, closing the door behind you. It opened again a few seconds later, Jacob looking just as confused as you were.

“Come on, lovebirds, we don’t have the night.”

“Lovebirds?” Jacob and you asked in unison, the basketball player rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. He jumped out of the van and gestured to Sangyeon to get back in.

“You can go, I live just around the corner,” he drowsily said as he vaguely gestured behind him.

“You sure? Your house is on my way back home, I can drop you off,” Sangyeon suggested but he refused, offering a handshake to the striker before letting him go.

Being more awake now, you waved at your friends driving away before turning to your crush, who looked even more adorable as he was super sleepy and just woke up.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay? You look really tired,” you asked, voice still laced with sleep yet sounding caring, which made Jacob’s heartbeat fasten. He nodded and weakly smiled, taking a step closer to you. His attitude was a bolt from the blue as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to him, nuzzling his face in your neck.

“You felt so warm during the ride, it’s almost like I could get used to this,” he tiredly said with a smile, gently pulling away to stare at you, his fingers leaving your back to come and slide a wild piece of hair behind your ear. Your whole body stiffened at his words as he stared at you in the eyes, noticing a small, washed-out smirk plastered on his face.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit... late to start something with someone? I mean, we have finals and then y-you’re le-leaving for South Korea and-” you started stammering as his thumb gently stroked your cheek, loving watching you lose your composure at his display of affection.

“It’s never too late when you love someone,” he whispered, feeling his warm breath tickling your lips in such a delicious manner that you have to resist the urge to move forward and press your lips against his.

His words punched the air out of your lungs, leaving you breathless as he kissed your cheek, mouth slowly moving to the side until it reached your lips. The kiss was soft yet a bit on the rougher side as if he wanted you to understand every feeling he had for you. Instinctively, your arms wrapped around his shoulders, and you kissed him harder, deeper, his hands on your lower back pulling you flush against him.

You had dreamt, wondered about what it was like kissing Jacob, but it never felt as good as you were experiencing it now. Fireworks and butterflies were erupting in your stomach, leaving you dizzy with love and passion as one of his hands came and cupped your cheek, the pad of his thumb gently caressing the skin.

Once you pulled away for oxygen, you held onto his shoulders for your dear life and he chuckled, his mouth slowly travelling down to your neck.

“I-I think my… my- oh my god, my parents will worry,” you gently pushed him away and he stared at you with a smile before diving in to capture your lips in another soft kiss.

“I'm only letting you go if you're free tomorrow. Let's put that off to tomorrow, shall we?” he asked, and your eyes widened at his suggestion.

“We can go back to the lake if you want, but only if we’re alone,” he said, his hand caressing your cheek while the other was busy stroking your upper back up and down.

“I want to enjoy this with you and you only,” he added, mumbling against your mouth and this time, you’re the one pulling him for a kiss.

“Come and pick me up at 10, then,” you said as you pulled away.

“I’ll be there, I promise,” he answered and started walking towards your house, closing the front gate behind you, waving at him with a smile.

He sent you a flying kiss with a smile and you waved at him one last time before closing the main door of your house behind you, both sighing with a huge smile and warmth painted on your faces.

You peeled the clothes off your skin and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower, shaking your head left to right while chuckling as you recalled what just happened in your last month of high school.

Nothing was making sense, you didn’t know how you got there, but you were happy.

And that’s what mattered the most.