#only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[pandaponderart]

Underrated Anime Part 1:

Hello my fellow Weebs, I’m back for some more Anime blogging, this time to talk about so not so well known ones. Some that have got forgotten with time, some that new Anime fans have maybe never heard of and the ones that I feel deserve more love and recognition. I’ve been watching Anime for about 13 years so I’ve seen a lot so this will be in at least 3 parts, so hopefully you like this and look forward to more. Til then enjoy, hope you can find some new anime you’ve never heard of thanks for reading and look forward to part 2!.

1. Azumanga Daioh(2002)

Starting off with an older Anime, and one of the best and earlier comedy, slice of life Anime that paved the way for a lot of other Anime in the same genre like Nichijou and Daily Lives of High School Boys. Off the wall and highly unrealistic, this comedy is completely over the top in the best way possible. it’s old but gold and should be crowned as one of the best comedy Anime to exist.

With the most lovable cast, you have Chiyo the 5th grader who is so crazy smart she gets placed in a high school class, then there’s Osaka, who’a real name is Ayumu Kasuga who’s named that because she‘s from Osaka. Osaka isn’t the smartest and neither is her other classmate Tomo Takino who will do anything to avoid studying. Then to balance out the cast is Koyomi Mizuhara aka Yomi, the smart one who keeps everyone in line and Kagura the sporty one. Then of course can’t forget to mention the teachers Yukari Sensei who is anything but the normal responsible teacher and to balance her out Minamo Sensei the responsible one. There’s no real plot with Azumanga Daioh but there’s not meant to be it’s just an over the top comedy slice of life, with moments that will make you laugh from your gut. It’s all about the characters and the ridiculous situations their put in and each one is a lovable idiot that really drives the show. Give this one a shot if you want a show that will put a big smile on your face the whole way through.

2. Eden of The East (2009)

Another older Anime, not everything on this list will be older Anime but there’s so many good ones like this!. Eden of The East is an action, mystery with elements of romance with one of the most unique stories I’ve seen in Anime. It’s a short watch being only eleven episodes with two movies following after which I recommend watching because they continue the story. I’m really surprised not more people know or talk about this show but it need to be talked about more!.

With one of the funniest and most bizarre starts to an Anime, our lead charcter Saki is on a trip to Washington D.C, when she gets in trouble for throwing a coin in the White House’s fountain she’s saved by a naked man who claims to be a terrorist. Not only is this mysterious man naked and claims to be a terrorist, he also has amnesia and is carrying a phone with 8.2 million dollars. Saki befriends this strange man and throughout the story they try to uncover more of his past, his involvment in an incident called careless monday and a dangerous death game with other players. They must also spend all of the money as instucted by the mysterious voice in the phone Juiz as well as try to save the world.

3. R.O.D The TV( 2003)

Ok I know I said this list wouldn’t only be older Anime but I guess the older Anime just has my heart and this one has a special place in mine. One of my all time favorites and one of the earliest Anime I saw and it still holds up to me til this day. It is hands down probably the most underrated show on this entire list and if you only watch one of these Anime please make it this one. The story is completely original, the characters are complex and endearing, there’s action, heartwarming moments, comedy and mystery, I wish there was more Anime like it, it deserves to be a classic.

It‘s a one of a kind show about the paper sisters Michelle, the oldest bubbly bookworm, Maggie the seemingly intimidating quiet giant. Then you have the youngest sister Anita who unlike her sisters hates books, she’s a bit rough around the edges but loves her sisters. Although they aren’t actually sisters they have a detective agency to help find lost books to help pay for rent while also doing odd jobs like being body guards. Their first assignment is to protect the author, Nenene Sumiragawa who is being threatened to be killed at her book signing. The paper sisters aren’t called that just because of their love of books, they can turn paper into weapons and whatever else they please, but each having their speciality. Nenene finds out they‘re paper sisters just like her friend who ‘s missing, Yomiko Readman and asks them for help finding her. They try to help Nenene find her friend, while solving other cases and saving the world with the power of paper.

4. Baccano(2007)

Probably the most well known but also I think one of the most under appreciated Anime, from Durarara’s creator, Baccano. I feel like most newer Anime fans won’t know this one and although it’s a beloved series by many, I still feel it’s underrated. Also another bias opinion shocker, it’s one of my absolute favorites but that’s why it’s here. It’s once again a shorter anime with only 13 episodes but it somehow manages to combine all of the storylines cohesively, it’s a wild ride full of mystery, murder, and magic that will keep you on board the entire time trying to piece everything together. Also warning it jumps around a lot so make sure to pay attention everything pieces together!.

Based in the 1930’s in the prohibition era you have several stories involving different characters going on but they‘re all connected to one thing the transcontinental train, the flying pussyfoot. Yes that’s actually the name of the train, why, still no idea but all these characters from different walks of life end up here somehow. Now to introduce some of these crazy characters, first off the goofy thieves in love Isaac and Miria, who aren’t the brightest but can steal just about anything. Lad Russo the sadistic hit man who loves to see people die, including fantasizing about killing his fiancé one day. Then you have the ones involved in gangs, all In different ones, but nonetheless involved in some sort of crime. First there’s Firo, the youngest of the Martello family and one of the immortals in the show, then there’s Jacuzzi Splot and his partner Nice, Jacuzzi is a big wimp and crybaby but will protect his loved ones with all he’s got and Nice is a bomb expert and his childhood food. Those are some of the main characters it’s such a large cast it’s hard to name and explain them all. This one is a must watch especially if you liked Durarara, jump on the hype train of this wild show.

5. Black Cat (2005)

Now quick disclaimer before I begin talking about this one, I haven’t watched this in years so it may not hold up as well as I’m remembering but when I watched it I really enjoyed it so that’s why it’s here. This was one of the earlier Anime I watched I’m pretty sure my friend showed me it but it caught my interest from the beginning. It’s not the most groundbreaking show to exist and I’ve heard that the manga is apparently better but that’s for almost every show. It’s got cool action, funny moments and a great cast of characters, plus not gonna lie I had a crush on train when I was younger. its just a fun show and definitely worth giving a watch!

Train Heartnett is an infamous cold blooded assassin who works for the organization Chronos, and because of his lack of empathy for killing he’s named Black Cat. But after a chance encounter with a bou hunter named Saya Minatsuki, they become friends and Train decided he wants to leave Chronos to pursue an honest living as a bounty Hunter. However chronos and particular his fellow member Creed Diskenth are not pleased with this and try to get Train to rejoin Chronos. Along the way Train teams up with fellow bounty hunter on the brink of broke Sven, the bio mech weapon and little girl Eve and master thief and seductress Rinslet Walker. Together they try to escape from Chronos and get enough money for their next .

6. Arakawa Under The Bridge(2010)

Where do I begin with this one first off, this is one of the weirdest Anime I’ve ever seen but just like Azumanga Daioh that’s what make it so good. Beautifully animated by Studio Shaft with some of the most colorful and visually appealing animation I’ve seen, it’s pure eye candy. it’s equally as strange as it is hilarious and it’s just a fun time that’s not meant to be taken seriously. So if you want a good laugh and something thats truly one of a kind in story and characters give this crazy show a shot.

The show begins with one of our main characters Kou Ichinomiya getting stuck by his underwear on a bridge by some kids, he falls into the river and is saved by a mysterious girl. Kou is the son of a wealthy businessman and his life motto is to not be indebted to anyone, so when he’s saved by this girl he asks what he can do. He finds out that her name is Nino and what she wants is to fall in love, so she asks Kou to be her boyfriend. At first Nino seems like a regular girl but she claims to be an alien from Venus and lives in a box under the bridge, not wanting to be in debt Kou agrees and begins living under the bridge with Nino. However Nino isn’t the only one who lives under the bridge there are many other strange characters like hoshi, the aspiring musician who wears a star on his head, and the captain who’s a human in a kappa suit. I highly suggest watching this strange sci-fi romantic comedy for something different and fun to watch.

7. 91 Days (2016)

The newest Anime on this list so far, see I told you it wouldn’t be only old ones!, this is also the darkest Anime on this list so far. This has been highly overlooked since it’s release in 2016, it reminds me of baccano and in parts like death note. If you like mafia movies or just a dark gritty story with some light hearted moments, it s short show but nothing is rushed and it’s solid from front to back and keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Just like Baccano, 91 Days takes place in the prohibition era in a town called Lawless where crime is rampant and illegal alcohol sales are thriving. In this town our protagonist Aviicio‘s family is killed by one of the mafia families, The Vanetti Family. He receives a mysterious anonymous letter telling him to return to lawless to infiltrate The Vanetti Family. He tries to befriend the families son Nero, to find an opportunity for revenge, the story keep you constantly guessing if they’ve truly become friends or if he’ll kill him. Please watch this wonderful mafia crime drama of friend vs foe.

8. Yamada Kun and The Seven Witches (2015)

This is one of the ones that I still really want to read the manga for because I just couldn’t get enough of it! i’m still hoping for a sequel one day! The premise of body swapping has been done many times in Anime and cinema as a whole but this one adds a unique enough of a twist to keep it fresh and interesting. I looked forward to watching this weekly each week meeting a learning about each new witch and learning what power they had.

Ryuu Yamada is a high school delinquent who wants a fresh start at a new school, despite the intention to start with a clean slate he soon falls into old habits of laziness and getting into fights. One day he trips on the stairs which leads to an accidental kiss with fellow student Urarara Shiraishi which causes them to switch bodies. Another student Toranosuke Miyamura learns that they can switch bodies and recruits them to his Supernatural Studies club. There they learn about the other seven witches that all have different powers

9. Arslan Senki (2015-2016)

The second to last of the list comes from the creator of my all time favorite Anime Fullmetal Alchemist, while it’s a very different series and not quite as good as FMA it’s still deserves a spot on this list and deserves your time. It’s hard not to compare it to FMA but it really is it’s own thing, and it actually came out before Fullmetal, it’s a historical drama about war and strategy and a character growing into his potential. Just as Hiromu Arakawa is known for there’s still some comedic moments and some great character development and a well done story, Plus if you like this there’s two seasons so there more to enjoy.

Ok I promise from this point forward I won‘t say anything more about Fullmetal Alchemist this is about Arslan Senki, here’s the story. In the year 320 the Kingdom of Pars is at war with the neighboring kingdom Lusitania. Pars is ruled by the ruthless king Andrangoras III who has a son who’s the complete opposite of him Arslan. Although he doesn’t know how to fight Arslan tries to prove his worth by joining the battle, but things take a turn for the worst when one of the kings officials betrays him. The once prosperous Kingdom of Pars is seized, and since Arslan is the kings son he must flee to avoid capture. So he sets off with his loyal bodyguard Daryun to find allies to help take back the kingdom. Knowing that Arslan is still alive he is still faced with pursuers from other kingdoms and the head of the Lusitania army, a mysterious man with a silver mask who knows a secret that could jeopardize Arslan‘s succession to the throne. Arslan is a gentle, kind person that doesn’t enjoy fighting, he must learn to fight and protect himself and gain the courage to lead an army to regain his home.

10. Shingeki No Bahamut: Genesis (Rage of Bahamut) (2014)

Leaving one of the best for last, not to be confused with the popular series with a similar name Shingeki no Kyojin(Attack on Titan) this show is just as good. One of the first shows from one of my favorite Anime studios, Studio Mappa. I had low expectations when I heard this was a card game adaptation from a new anime studio but I decided to check it out despite that and it was the best decision. This has all the elements of a great anime, the beautiful animation, the unique characters and the compelling story and all the cool action scenes are just a plus. There is a second season too but I’ll leave that for another time, ok time to stop gushing about this wonderful show, time for the story!.

Years and years ago the ancient powerful dragon Bahamut reeked havoc on Mistarcia, a land where gods and demons lived harmoniously with humans. The gods and demons manage to seal away Bahamut with the god key and agree to split it to keep him sealed. Now that the the peace has been restored we meet the main characters and one of my favorites the orange Afro haired bounty hunters Favaro Leone. Favaro is constantly on the run from his adversary and fellow bounty hunter Kaiser Lidfard who‘s main purpose in life is to get revenge on him. One day both of their lives are thrown into chaos when they meet the mysterious girl Amira who holds half of the god key sealing Bahamut and wants help reaching the land of Helheim. I also can’t forget to mention my other favorite character and the fourth member of this unlikely crew Rita the zombie necromancer little girl she is just the definition of cool. Then there’s the characters that want to steal the god key the demon Azazel and the knight Jean D’Arc who are constantly in the characters way but you’ll find out more about them in the show. These unlikely heroes must face the threat of the battle of gods and demons, the pursuers of the god key and incoming threat of Bahamut awakening.

[mikaze-discord]

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon: 

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE 

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda: 

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt: 

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Why YOU should give Rush a chance

Okay, so right off the bat, this is not going to be like my other posts on my blog. This is not a post about some show that has captivated my interest or anything at all related to animation. If that's not your cup of Dot rambling coffee, than I would highly recommend you take your L right now and come back for your regularly scheduled programming in a few days.

Are they gone? Okay cool! For those of you that stuck around past my forewarning let me tell you about my newest special interest to join my now growing music love affair with 80's and 90's Rock n Roll. For those of you that don't know, I'm guessing that most of you do not know what Rush even is. If you are not somehow on the autism spectrum or know a lot about music in general than this band will be entirely unknown to you. Rush is a three man progressive rock band born in Canada made up of three incredibly amazing men Gary "Geddy" Lee, his best friend since he was 11 years old Alex Lifeson, and last but most certainly not least, the amazingness that was Rush's drummer and songwriter Neil Peart. Together, the three of them changed the world of progressive rock through Geddy's unique vocal qualities, Alex's incredibly underrated shredding guitar skills, and Neil's immaculate drums and lyrics. I am here to tell you, yes YOU reading this length rambling message in three sections to keep this fair. Each member will get their own sections and I will try my hardest to keep personal bias out of this. I also just watched Rush: Beyond The Lighted Stage yesterday with my mom so I will mention some things that we talked about during it to try and sell people.

Geddy Lee:

* Geddy has one of the most unique voices in all of rock music. This will most likely be the thing that turns off the people that do listen to me and wind up listening to a couple of songs. He has had a lot of critics for his higher pitched voice usually yelling lyrics. However, I love his singing voice. It is filled with energy and power to it. His voice has a weight to it that not a whole lot of other people can really nail if they really want to.

* You want to talk about sheer talent? How many of you all know lead singers that are a one and done kind of singer? They can play one instrument and they're done? Well shove them aside because Geddy can play not only bass guitar but a double neck bass, synthesizer, and piano. Yeah I think all you haters can stand aside because this man will always be amazing technically.

* So many of lead singers in my opinion, think that they own the band. Because they get to sing the songs right? That means that they get to make all the important decisions and they can't ever do anything wrong. Well for those of you that know Rush, you will remember the synthesizer era. The era of new wave Rush where Geddy shelved his bass guitars for his synthesizer. This caused a small rift between Lee, Lifeson, and Peart who were not at all fans of the way that the synthesizer was going. While Geddy was having a fun time with it, he shelved the synthesizer almost for good and went back to his roots. I don't know many other lead singers that would put up something that they were legitimately having a good time with just for his bandmates.

* Geddy's just general goofball personality is something that continues to make me chuckle. Since he and Alex have known each other for practically ever (they met when they were 11) and have been there for each other for most of their lives they have very similar energy's.

Alex Lifeson:

* Alex Lifeson is an underrated guitarist. There I said it. I feel like of the three of them (Geddy, Alex, and Neil) Alex gets talked about the least due to the fact that Geddy also plays guitar. While it might be a different brand of guitar some people forget just how genuinely face melting his solos are. I could listen to his riff in Tom Sawyer all day long I swear. I'm still working my way through every Rush album in chronological order (I'm just now finishing A Farewell To Kings an absolutely beautiful album.) But his skills are not one to be downsized and I think he is an amazing, amazing guitar player.

* You want to talk about the group goofball? If Geddy is goofy, you look in the dictionary this man is the pure definition of a hilarious and quirky character. When Rush was FINALLY indicted into the Rock N'Roll hall of fame in 2013, after Neil and Geddy's beautiful and moving speech's about how important this means to them, Alex gets up there and his entire speech is spoken in very animated BLAHs. But what's really funny is that if you watch carefully he is actually trying to tell you a story. It's a story about how they all got there past the critics that tried to stop them along the way.

* I love the relationship between Alex and Geddy especially. They're just both such unique kinds of people but they have similar quirks and traits that are evidence of decades upon decades of friendship. I get massive big bro vibes from watching the three of them play together and it's really touching that they never let the fame go to their heads.

* While watching the documentary, I found myself in awe of just his general personality. He was a jokester and the life of the party, and even if sometimes Neil was exhausted by his presence it was obvious that he loved his bros.

Neil Peart:

* If you are asking me, the heart and soul of Rush, was their drummer Neil Peart. Neil wasn't just their drummer though, he also wrote all of Rush's songs after their first album together. Neil grew up probably the biggest bookworm to ever bookworm. He was a socially awkward kid it seemed since he was always reading as his parents explained in the documentary (more on this laster). This resulted in lyrics that are absolutely gorgeous in any context and sound like literature themselves. One of my favorite Rush songs is their song Rivendale themed to Lord Of The Rings.

* Peart was one of the most technically amazing drummers of all time. I don't think I'm saying new information when I say that. He has been praised for not only his technical prowess but the intensity of how he played as well. He was a force of nature when you put him in front of a drum kit. The drum solos in Rush are not easy. They are technically extremely difficult and always leave me to collect my jaw from the floor.

* Lyrically speaking, his lyrics were so intelligent and beautifully worded that it's hard to focus on them sometimes. I've listened to Fly By Night I can't tell you how many times just within the last few months. They are so unique, so beautiful, just so Rush. I can't think of any other word to describe them other than Rush. Nobody else could have written lyrics like these other than Neil himself. Even though he's gone now (Rest In Power you absolute Mad Lad.) I still feel like his music will resonate with millions of future generations to come. It could be the year 3000 for all I care and people will still be jamming to Tom Swayer, just you watch.

* Lastly about Neil himself, this is of the opinion of my mom and I, and you heard it here first, I think that Neil was aspie. He was the quietest of the three of them, he hated getting spotted by fans while the other two seem to tolerate it, he was constantly stimming with his drumsticks on and off the stage by spinning them around his fingers, he was totally nerdy and antisocial, he loved literature more than anything else growing up and would rather have a book in his hands than go out to a public place with his classmates, and he grieved in a different way than most people do. When his wife and daughter passed away, he hit the road with his motorcycle and most often Geddy and Alex wouldn't hear from him for months at a time. They had cute little nicknames for each other that Neil would always sign the postcards with. It was a different one every single time.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on this day guys! I really appreciate it, I know that this hasn't been your regularly schedule Dot programming but I really appreciate you sticking around! Give Rush a listen to if I've piqued your interest you will not regret it.

[folightening]

Don't Go

Young Xehanort/Sora

Rated Teen

Summary: Five times Sora asked Xehanort to stay and one time he didn't have to.

5+1 fic with established relationship and shifting pov - some implied sexual content

- 1 -

This was not at all acceptable. It would do nothing for his plans. This wouldn't push Sora any closer to reawakening his power. He had absolutely nothing to gain from this. In fact, in the long run, continuing this could very well become a problem.

Despite all that, he couldn't part from the soft lips eagerly devouring his own or the lithe body encouraging their bad decision with every roll of those wide hips. Not until Sora was tugging down the zipper of his coat. Xehanort sat up to remove the coat himself, dropping it to the side as Sora shrugged out of his own jacket and pulled the tank top over his head. Sora may not be terribly muscular - he really was on the small and skinny side - but there was always something to be said about unassuming strength. That Sora was so powerful without physically giving it away was a trait that Xehanort found very attractive. As frustrating as Sora had proven that particular strength of his to be at times.

"We going to continue," Sora asked, "or are you going to sit there staring?"

"I'm enjoying the view."

Sora laughed but Xehanort's smile quickly faded as his gaze focused on the discolored X crossing Sora's torso. If he needed any reminder why this shouldn't be happening, that was a good one.

"Perhaps this isn't such a good idea."

"What?" Sora scoffed at him in disbelief, then followed Xehanort's gaze to his own chest. "Oh no. You are not leaving me now over this."

"Sora,"

"I don't want to hear it."

Sora grabbed his face with both hands and frowned at him with kiss-swollen lips. The stern look in his eyes was beautiful.

"What happened during my Mark of Mastery exam doesn't matter. Right now, I want you. You want me. So... please... stay and finish what we started."

For a few long moments Xehanort searched Sora's beautiful blue eyes. He could still deny him and leave; Sora wouldn't stop him. It would be the right thing to do. But Sora was right.

Gently taking Sora's wrists in his hands, Xehanort pressed down into another deep kiss. He could stay and forget about his - their - destiny for a while. It was easy to do that with Sora.

- 2 -

The Ocean Between really did look the same when viewed from on a world. An endless sea of twinkling stars; more than enough worlds to keep any wanderer busy for decades. Sora had seen many worlds and he was positive they didn't amount to even a tiny fraction of the worlds out there. Xehanort, however...

"How many have you been to?"

"Me personally? I didn't keep count," Xehanort said. "Nowhere near even half as many as my future self; he spent a large portion of his life running between worlds, seeing everything he could."

Sora hummed, nodded, and shifted position so his head was resting more on Xehanort's shoulder than his arm. For a moment he wondered how much had been wanderlust and how much had been for what he was doing now. When exactly had Xehanort decided to do all this?

"You have any favorites?"

Sora didn't really expect him to know about any from his future, and Xehanort probably wasn't really the type to rank worlds but Sora wanted to know more about him. His preferred worlds to visit was a safe enough topic.

"As much as I couldn't wait to get off the islands, I do find myself drawn to peaceful worlds where nothing much happens. However... My first will always have a special place in my heart, despite some of the memories associated with it."

Tilting his head up to look at him, Sora turned more onto his side. From this angle Xehanort didn't look particularly sad or bothered but a line like that could only be talking about bad memories.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Scala ad Caelum," Sora didn't miss the reverence in his voice, "was a beautiful world full of Light. No matter where you went you could hear the windmills, the ocean... An island city painted in whites and greens against a backdrop of blues... Scala's beauty is indescribable. You'd have to see it to understand."

That Xehanort couldn't find the worlds told Sora more about the place than any description Xehanort could have given him. Sometime, if possible, he'd like to go there.

"What were those memories you mentioned earlier?"

Xehanort laughed bitterly.

"Nothing too terrible. I have always been... different, and my opinions and interests weren't the most popular or accepted. I was also consistently the top of my class, which the nobility didn't like much. Then there was when I left..."

Xehanort trailed off and the frown on his lips had Sora wanting to comfort him. Without knowing what exactly was troubling Xehanort, he didn't know how much he could do.

"But you have good memories of the place." Why else would it be special to him?

"Most of my fondest memories are there."

From before whatever set him on this path happened, Sora supposed.

"Could you tell me about them?"

Xehanort chuckled and shifted so his arm was more comfortably around Sora. After a few moments he started telling stories of living in Scala ad Caelum. Chess matches with a peer named Eraqus - who's name caused a momentary odd feeling somewhere in his heart that Sora couldn't quite name. Nights spent telling stories with the stars with Eraqus and Yen Sid, though he couldn't read them the way Yen Sid does. One particular lazy afternoon he held dear and didn't get into much detail with. Being named a Master and achieving part of his life's goal...

After a while Sora couldn't stifle the yawn. It was late and he should've gone to sleep hours ago. They had a lot they still had to do in this world and he shouldn't do it sleepy.

"I should go," Xehanort said. "There are only a few hours left before dawn."

"A few more minutes?"

He was comfortable here, and he'd rather fall asleep with Xehanort than alone on the hard ground.

"Very well," Xehanort chuckled. "Until you fall asleep."

- 3 -

Sitting on the edge of the bed to pull his boots on wasn't a good idea. Thin arms wrapped around his waist, not impeding his motions at all but an obvious demand. Xehanort smiled at the gesture, but even so:

"I should be going."

Even half asleep as Xehanort knew he still was, Sora had quite the grip. He shook his head, soft hair tickling Xehanort's back, and returned his cheek to the space between Xehanort's shoulder blades.

"Don't need to be up for an hour," Sora explained, "so you can't leave yet."

"As much as I would love to spend more time with you--"

"You said 'should be', not 'need to'. I forbid it."

"Really?" He couldn't stop the chuckle. It was endearing how Sora thought he could forbid him from doing anything. A lot of what Sora did was endearing.

Though if Sora wanted him to linger that badly... It wasn't as if Xehanort wanted to leave. Quite the opposite, in fact. Xehanort would spend all morning, perhaps even longer, lazing around with Sora if their respective roles allowed it. ...He wasn't doing anything that couldn't be put off for half an hour.

"A bit longer," he relented. "I do have things I must do."

He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Ansem. The truth simply wouldn't do, definitely not, but Ansem was always so difficult to appease once he'd been deliberately ignored.

Sora nuzzling his face into his chest and fully relaxing against his side once more made the later headache worth it.

- 4 -

"I cannot believe you called me here to sneak away from your companions and play in the sand."

Finding some reason to get away from Donald and Goofy was something Sora found himself doing more and more lately. And not just because he wanted to spend more time with Xehanort. For all the problems Sora knew there was with this relationship, at least Xehanort didn't insult him all the time.

"Playing in the sand is fun."

Xehanort made a face that wrinkled his nose and reminded Sora of a person who'd just eaten something sour. It was an interesting expression and definitely not one he would've expected to ever see on Xehanort's face.

"It's the middle of the night," Xehanort argued though Sora doubted that had been his problem.

Besides, it had to be the middle of the night. He wouldn't get the chance to goof off if it wasn't. Sora placed his hands on his hips and frowned up at Xehanort.

"Do you want to spend time with me or not?"

A slight smile, half grin really, curved one side of Xehanort's mouth as he leaned forward.

"I was always told to avoid pirates."

In mock offense, Sora stepped back and placed a hand over his heart. It wasn't long before he was laughing.

"Come on, help me build a sand castle."

"I'll have you know, I haven't built a sand castle in years."

That activity didn't last long. Nor did an impromptu game of two person tag, once Xehanort tossed Sora into the ocean. Coming back up soaked and laughing, Sora tackled Xehanort into the shallow water just off the beach. The man went down easily, his own deep laughter mixing with Sora's.

Gently taking Xehanort's face in his hands, Sora moved up and kissed him. Three times; none lasting more than a brief moment. They were enough to bring a light flush to Xehanort's cheeks and leave a small smile on his lips.

"Stealing kisses now?"

"What kind of pirate would I be if I didn't steal at least kisses?"

Xehanort chuckled and stroked Sora's cheek. Without thinking, Sora leaned into the touch. Xehanort was always so gentle with him in moments like this; it was difficult not to enjoy the touches that came from this mood.

"We should get out of the water," Xehanort said.

They stood and walked onto the beach where Xehanort used some careful fire spells to dry them and their clothes. Of course Xehanort would be skilled enough to pull that off without burning them. He was... Great wasn't a word he should use to describe Xehanort.

"Stay for the night," Sora said. "Please."

It had been a few weeks since they'd spent a night together.

Xehanort smiled that fond smile Sora was pretty sure only he got to see and took his hand.

"Of course."

- 5 -

Xehanort stepped out of the corridor with a speech prepared. It had been some time since he'd last attempted to really speak with Sora about Light and Darkness. By now, maybe the Light's champion would be more open to listening.

It hurt when he considered that Sora likely denied part of him the same way everyone else had. Their respective roles in this upcoming war was a topic they refused to discuss; Sora could very well be putting aside who exactly he was. The mere thought of Sora not truly accepting him... Xehanort took a breath and closed the corridor. If Sora wasn't willing... Well, cutting this off wouldn't hurt any more than what had happened with Eraqus.

He wasn't prepared to see or hear Sora crying.

Sora was always so cheerful, so upbeat and bright and more than eager to bring happiness to everyone around him. Nevermind how Xehanort felt about seeing him in this state; Sora likely didn't want anyone seeing him like this.

Opening a corridor again, Xehanort turned to leave but stopped at Sora's:

"Wait."

A hand grabbed his own and Xehanort looked at Sora. His heart ached in response to the tearful, pained expression.

"Don't go. I- Could you-"

Xehanort turned and stepped closer, pulling Sora into a hug without hesitation. The corridor closed behind him as Sora buried his face in his chest.

There was nothing to say even if Xehanort had been any good at giving comfort. He had no idea what was wrong or what form of comfort Sora even appreciated. This was new territory for them. So he simply held Sora as he cried for what felt like hours. Some time during it he did move them to a seated position on the floor with Sora in his lap as he rubbed his back. It didn't feel like he was doing much of anything. In fact, any of Sora's friends would have done better. But it was all he had.

"Thanks," Sora mumbled into his shoulder.

Xehanort smiled as he played with the back spikes of Sora's hair.

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

Sora shook his head.

"I'll prob'ly mess that up too."

He sniffed and rubbed his face on Xehanort's shoulder while Xehanort frowned.

"What are you going on about?"

"I don't get anything right. Too dumb and- I can't get the power of waking. Can't help them get Aqua, I don't know how to help Roxas or the others in my heart. I'm useless on my own..."

Dear Kingdom Hearts, what had people been telling Sora? No, he knew what that damn duck and the others were telling him. Everyone had a limit to how much they could take, and it seemed that Sora had finally reached his.

"You are far from useless; I daresay you're the biggest threat to my oldest self's plans." That may not be the most helpful assurance, but what was he supposed to say? "No one is perfect, and you... You have something special, something none of your friends have."

Gently he pushed Sora into an upright position and tilted his face to look at him. As expected of someone who'd been crying for so long, he looked dreadful.

"The power you have - your Power of Waking - is different. It's truly no wonder you have such troubles controlling it. It's hardly your fault you can't get a grasp on using it."

Now was not the time to tell Sora that he was consistently using it improperly.

"No. I'm just too dumb," Sora whimpered.

"You may be reckless, entirely too eager to help others, and trusting enough for it to be used against you, but you are not dumb."

Sora blinked tearful blue eyes at him and scowled but Xehanort wasn't quite finished yet.

"The ones who put you down, do they have a right to or are they judging you with no personal experiences to justify their comments? Do they have any idea how easy or difficult it is for someone to master the abilities you have been told to master?"

Sora looked away and Xehanort huffed. He thought so. Why Sora spent most of his time with people willing to insult him rather than with someone who cared, Xehanort would never fathom.

A few moments of silence passed, then Sora moved into him again. Hugged tightly as Sora sighed, Xehanort returned the hold with a looser one of his own.

"Stay with me."

"Of course, Sora. I will stay with you as long as fate will allow."

That was the tragic truth of their relationship: it couldn't last no matter how much they might want it to. They had a destiny to follow.

+ 1

A corridor opening in the room pulled Sora from his thoughts about Kairi. He didn't have to look to know who stepped out of it; there was only one member of the Organization that would pay him a visit like this.

"You shouldn't be here."

"I needed to see you."

Sora turned to look at him, unsurprised to see that Xehanort hadn't looked at him with that admittance. When it came to personal heart stuff, Xehanort always seemed to get flustered or close himself off. Refusing to look at Sora while he said it was the best Sora could hope for from him.

"Pretty sure you aren't supposed to talk to the enemy the night before a big battle."

"We've done much more than talk and I never once heard a complaint."

Sora felt his cheeks heat at the reminder and now it was his turn to look away. That was true, but Xehanort being here the night before the big destined battle was different. It was dangerous, and other things Sora couldn't put a name to.

"When you're enemies," Xehanort added in a quieter voice, "the night before a big battle is the last chance you get to say what needs said."

That got Sora's attention and he was a little disappointed to see Xehanort studying his bookshelf as if it was actually interesting to him. For a few moments Sora waited for Xehanort to continue. Instead, Xehanort turned his focus to the keychains Sora'd collected during his adventure.

"So... What did you come here to say?"

Xehanort tensed and still didn't look at him. He rubbed his thumb over the red rose chain Sora had gotten from Belle.

"There is much I wish to say, but... I haven't quite found the words."

Sora could guess what was on his mind. He knew Xehanort decently well - he doubted anyone could claim to know Xehanort well - by now. This version of him anyway.

Getting up from the bed, Sora walked over and wrapped his arms around Xehanort's waist, resting his cheek on his back and gently holding him. Xehanort could take all the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

For a minute or two they stood there, just enjoying the other's presence. Sora could feel himself relaxing more than he really should with a version of Xehanort in his bedroom; especially this particular night. But he'd slept in his presence numerous times before and nothing bad ever happened.

That first time didn't count.

"I'm glad you're here," Sora said. He felt Xehanort tense then relax.

Xehanort turned to face him, his hands rose to cup Sora's face, and Sora smiled up at him. A few moments of Xehanort simply studying his face passed before Xehanort was moving closer. The kiss was gentle, yet full of a desperation Sora didn't understand. He could feel it in the way Xehanort's fingers pressed into his skin, the way his lips moved against his. Almost on auto he raised his hands to Xehanort's back. One hand pet through his hair while the other rest on his shoulders.

It startled Sora when he realized Xehanort was trembling.

Sora drew back in concern to see tears clinging to Xehanort's lashes and watched as one rolled down his cheek. Xehanort's lips parted briefly, long enough for a sharp inhale. Gently cupping his cheek, Sora wiped the tears away on that side. He... Had no idea what to say. What to feel. What was he supposed to do? Xehanort was crying.

Xehanort was crying.

"It's so easy to forget why I'm here when I'm with you. I forget that I am... Nothing more than a useful piece in a game of chess."

There was so much Sora wanted to say to that. Most of all how bullshit it was.

"You make me feel wanted."

"I try."

The laugh was a weak sound that quickly changed back to soft crying. Sora reached up and buried his hand in the soft spikes of Xehanort's hair. Xehanort's forehead pressed against his a few moments later. His eyes stared right into Sora's with so much emotion that Sora was stunned into stillness. He'd never seen Xehanort's eyes look like that. They were beautiful.

"I love you," Xehanort admitted. "So much I-- Allow me this last night together with you."

Before everything ends, Sora's mind supplied. One of them was going to lose tomorrow.

In a way both of them would.

[thoseofgreatambition]

get well soon

cha/n: thank you for all the great feedback for my prologue! i'm excited to keep telling this story and watch it grow into something special. it's definitely going to be a fun one. please keep up and keep sending in your thoughts! xoxo --LeeAnn 

prologue | pt 1. {get well soon} 

smoke and roses masterlist

                                  ___________________________________________

You could see Fred out of the corners of your eyes. He stood in your peripheral vision constantly, a somewhat frustrating but reassuring presence. Typically, your vision was either black or hazy, today however it was clear. 

Before, when you came in and weren’t sure what was happening he sat in bed with you and talked you through everything. 

That it’d be alright. 

It wouldn’t hurt.

You could stay or go. 

Things like that. 

However, as time went by he went further and further away. To the edge of your bed. To the chair where George sat. To the edge of the room. Now, you could still see him but he seemed very far away. 

George came in like he always did. About a half hour after the shift changed. It was only recently you’d begun to get well enough to notice these sorts of things, but you noticed them nonetheless. George had become a man of habit. 

Read the newspaper to you. 

Read your letters. 

Fix your hair so it didn’t become matted. 

Tell you about his day.

It had become such a constant that you could tell when the nurses would come in and tip the potions into your mouth by the time he finished reading your letters. 

Today was different. 

He had a quill and a folded up parchment in his shirt pocket. 

And you were growing increasingly certain that today was the day you’d be able to speak, after trying for about a week now. 

                                 ___________________________________________

George told you hello, asked how you were with no expectation of a response, and sat down heavy in his chair. 

He fingered the edges of the Daily Prophet for a moment, about to open it when he actually looked in your eyes. 

There was a sharp gleam in them that he hadn’t seen in almost a year.

“What is it, y/n?”

There was a lot you wanted to say, but couldn’t quite bring yourself to. Your throat felt scabbed over and tight with disuse. 

“George.” 

The name felt foreign in your mouth, the sound grated in your ears. 

You had forgotten your own voice. 

However, George hadn’t. 

It looked like someone had breathed life back into him, his face lit up like a child’s. 

Words escaped him for a moment, before he seemed to bubble over in excitement. 

He shifted quickly to sit at the edge of the bed smiling so hard his eyes burned. 

This was it. 

This was what he wanted. 

This was what he’d hoped for.

Some little bit of normal to come back to him. 

“I missed you.” 

The strain in his voice matched yours when you replied. 

“Missed you too.” 

With those three words George found himself melting into you as he folded you into his arms and pressed a dozen small kisses to your face. Weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and he wouldn’t deny how lovely to know that you missed him too. 

For a moment George lost all of his sense, nothing else mattered aside from the fact you were giggling underneath his kisses, and you were calling him ‘Georgie’. 

As he came up for a breath, flushed with excitement and giggling along with you the fact that you two weren’t dating hit him like a train. A rather embarrassing one at that. 

You’d known George long enough to know what those bright red ears meant. 

Poor George always did get flustered pretty easy. 

With a cough George straightened himself up, “Sorry-- let me go and find your healer so she can check you out.” Before you could say that it was alright and you quite enjoyed that, George was off leaving you to shoot the door a meaningful look. 

George had come to you every day without fail. He brought you quilts when it was cold, and flowers every few days. 

You knew how he felt, you’d be incredibly thick if you didn’t. 

To his credit though, you could see why he didn’t know how you felt. 

It probably was difficult to read romantic interest from a sweaty, fevering blob of a human. 

By the time the healer had come, you had struggled yourself into a sitting position. Huffing and puffing, covered in a light sheen of sweat, you frowned at the healer as she guided you to lay back down. 

Clearly she didn’t know how hard it was for you to sit up. George hovered by the doorframe for a moment, still red-faced.

“I’ll give you some privacy, Y/N. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Just like that, he was gone. 

With a huff, you stared right up to the ceiling. 

You could still see Fred out of the corner of your eye. 

                                ___________________________________________

There was a long while where you were left in silence, no sound in your room aside from the healers in the hallway, and a faint radio from the room across from you. You’d been propped up with quite a few pillows, and the healer had given you a potion to help ease your throat. 

Talking didn’t hurt so much anymore, but it was still strange, and you were finding yourself already worn out. 

You saw flowers around you, and a neat assortment of get well soon cards on your windowsill. 

George must have done that for you. 

“Sweet man.” 

Your eyes snapped towards the source of the noise and saw Fred Weasley standing before you. 

“The nurse said I’m just seeing you because of the pain potion she gave me.” 

“You could say that.” He gave a cheeky grin, looking so full of life that you truly wondered if he was gone. “Or maybe I’m just checking on you. Thought of that?” 

“Because you thought I’d kick it, huh Weasley?” 

He waltzed over to your bed and plopped down heavily beside you. “You did seem rather close to kicking it, in my defense.” 

You stared him down, studying the goofy grin. There was a lot you wanted to say, a lot you wanted to talk about but at the end of the day this wasn’t really Fred. 

When your eyes began to water Fred gave you a brighter grin. “Don’t cry, Y/N. You’ll get better soon and go home, do a bunch of sappy shit with George and live happily ever after.” 

With a sniff, you frowned at him. “But we miss you.” 

“That’s shouldn’t stop you from doing sappy shit with George.”

“Be serious!” 

“Can’t, I’m Fred.” 

Unable to help it, you let out a short bark of laughter. 

How could  you not? Fred had a habit of making you laugh. 

You watched as he rolled off the bed and stretched, “Do you have to go?” 

“I do, yeah.” 

“I want you to stay.” 

“Sorry there Love, can’t help you with that.” 

His grin looked a little sadder at that. “Take care of Georgie for me, alright? Please.” 

“I will. I promise.” 

Just like that, he was gone.

                               ___________________________________________

In a matter of time that felt like the blink of an eye but also overwhelmingly long, George found himself helping you prepare to leave St. Mungos for the Burrow. 

By help obviously he meant doing most of the work and urging you to sit and rest even after the healer said you were alright. 

With a small smile, you hid the rolling of your eyes and folded up the quilts that he’d brought you. “I can do things, if you haven’t noticed.” 

The look on his face was most comparable to a pout. “I don’t want you to get over-tired is all.” It was hard for him to keep up the pouting look when you let out a laugh. It was too nice that you were actually getting out to be anything close to upset. “I’ll go check and make sure we have all the potions, and then we can go, alright?” 

With a small nod from you, you watched as he walked out before pulling a torn out sheet of parchment from your pocket. You’d found the folded up piece of writing that morning, and could recognize George’s handwriting. 

Curiosity had put it in your pocket. 

You’d never known George to write. 

Finally you had a moment to take a peak. 

Clean air. 

The poison has been sucked out. 

I can breath. 

The sky seems blue again. 

It matches that jumper you knicked. 

An odd feeling,

freedom when I was already free.

Softness when softness had always existed. 

Warmth when I didn’t know I was cold. 

You’re smiling now. 

I can hear your laugh again. 

My own sounds less fragile lately. 

I don’t know what this is, really. 

Healing?

It’s so hard to tell. 

Just like I can’t tell what you know. 

But you’re soft and warm,

the air is clean,

and I feel balanced for the first time in a while. 

I can’t ask for more. 

You could feel your pulse going off in your neck, almost as if your heart had moved up from your chest. Cheeks red, you folded up the paper and tossed it to the corner where George had dropped the bag he’d packed for you before stuffing the quilts in. 

When George came back in, it was almost as if your fingertips were buzzing as he came closer. 

“Healer says we’re all set to go! You ready?” He paused to take in your red face, “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah!” however convincing that sounded you weren’t sure, but George seemed preoccupied enough once he noticed his poem on the floor that he didn’t question that. You watched as he stuffed it into his pocket and hoisted the bag over his shoulder. When he caught you staring at him, his head cocked a bit to the side. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Quickly, you nodded. “I am.” hooking your arm with his free one was a bit of a guilty pleasure, but you shot your best carefree smile at him. “Let’s get going.”

Tag list: taglist: @fainting-fancy @aziraphale–crowley @insearchofnewdreams @stillwater20-blog @siriuslyimmoony @oh-the-snowinthemoonlight @notstandingstill-imlyinginwait @geeksareunique @hermione-who @phantomhive-shadow @blusnowflakee @l-am-tired @carolinesbookworld @imaginethis-st @xinyourdreamsx @wildfire-whizbangs @dwarfwizard-from-panem @doct0rstrange @slytherin2800 @neontiiger @lovelivelovesomemore @diary-of-an-onliner @answer-the-sirens @hasinoreb @1moom-girl1 @nikki5209 @familiarcrow @amortentiaimagines @chocok22 @mrsbluesmize226 @fandom-rpblog @familiarcrow @kimytimeywimey @knreidy1

[veganfortheearthlings]

Hello Earthlings!

Today is February 6

I want to write something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. Before you read on I want to share:

> TRIGGER WARNING < mention of suicide! Some content may not be suitable for all readers and if that's the case please skip down the numbered list.

Today isn't a particularly significant day, but I realized it has been 26 months exactly since my brother passed away. Two years and two months. December 6th, 2017 was the last day my brother was alive. We didn't discover his body until two days later. After a blurry couple days of grieving the autopsy results came back:

Suicide by hanging

It was egregiously sudden. I knew my brother was going through some serious stuff but suicide??

I have my own history of suicidal thoughts and self harm in the deep dark abyss of depression and I turned to my brother for help or advice from time to time. I was finally beginning to emerge from the gripping darkness when my oldest sister picked me up from work. With my mom in the car they told me that the police had found my brother's body. The police immediately declared it a suicide and I knew in bones that wherever my brother was he wasn't happy with his decision.

It has been 26 months today since my brother took his life so today I hope I can help someone out by writing this list of "15 Reasons To Keep Living".

1.) The most said reason is surprisingly true. Things WILL get better! I remember those long nights where I'd drink alcohol and energy drinks in my bedroom at 3 am even though I had to be at work at 7 am. I cut. I drank hoping my organs would shut down or my heart would literally explode. I remember thinking it wouldn't get better, but I'm here typing this today because it did! Its hard and it's gonna hurt but I believe you can get through anything!

2.) Depression can seem lonely, like your friends and family care but they seem to keep you at arm's length. That's bullshit. If you're reading this I care about you. I've bled and been broken a thousand times and it's put me in a place where I can hopefully help you and I chose to take that chance. I am always available if you need someone to talk to :)

3.) You are the reason someone is happy! Have you ever seen a baby smile? The next time you're in a store and see a baby looking at you give them a smile. Most of the time they'll be super excited you even acknowledged them! It's the purest way to make someone else happy I've found to date.

4.) Animals. I'm vegan because I decided my existence shouldn't involve the exploitation of any other being. I have a cat (or to be honest my cat has a human) and she's delightfully sweet when I need her to be. Animals know when someone is hurting and most of them, if they're not predators, will try to show compassion. Just think of how many dogs you can make happy. If the noblest of species on this planet thinks you're worth love then maybe they're right!

5.) Books!

6.) Music!

7.) Foooood! Maybe you've lost all passion for things that used to make you happy. Books aren't as fun to read, your favorite music doesn't cheer you up, and food doesn't seem appetizing anymore. Or maybe they're an escape for you? If they are then that's a reason to keep living! Live to read new stories, hear new music, and try new foods!

8.) Maybe you haven't been able to travel and see more of the world. I know sometimes you might feel trapped in one place but opportunities to leave will present themselves in time. Suicide isn't an escape, it's a self made prison sentence that you can't escape from.

9.) Love. Okay here me out! Most people are lonely or just ended a relationship when they take their own life. I don't believe in God and I dont believe in heaven or hell but I do believe everyone in the world is compatible with someone! Not all love has to be romantic either. It could be love for a friend or even a pet. Maybe you haven't met yet but trust me please. They're there and they are waiting patiently to meet you!

10.) Art. I know I've always had an eye for art. 90% of the time I don't know what Im even looking but I appreciate all the time and energy that went into it! It opens the mind up to different cultures and different ways to do things. It might be poetry, music, sculpting, filmmaking, etc. People are coming up with new interesting stuff everyday and you can be there to enjoy it all.

11.) Little things. Petting a dog or a cat in your lap and hearing them purr. Brushing your teeth with your possible children. Snapchat filters. Singing in a goofy voice. Playing an instrument. Kindly buying someone else a drink out of the blue. Making a child smile. The little things you might have forgotten could be someone's precious memories of things you did.

12.) Regrets. You'll never get to have the satisfaction of saying you lived the life you wanted to live. My ideal life when I was depressed is nothing like the life I'm living now but that's because I changed as a person and now I've found happiness in simple things. I treasure life and I don't want to waste a second of it. Your life is precious and you should live it in a way that will make you truly happy.

13.) You can be a voice for others just like you. The world won't get any brighter if you turn off your light. My favorite inspirational quote goes like this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

You can be a voice for the voiceless. You can be a whisper heard by the people who choose to ignore the screams of the suffering. One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, one life can change the world. That one can start with you.

14.) Nature. Humans aren't meant to be surrounded by concrete and steel. No being on this Earth can say their natural habitat is made in a factory or at a construction site. No, we are all primitive beings and nature is where our souls belong. Give yourself a reason to live by saying you're going to live how you are meant to live. School and 9-5 jobs weren't mother nature's inventions. I'm not saying quit school but there's always more to life than getting a piece of paper saying you're educated or having pieces of paper in your wallet with a made up value (money).

15.) You will never be able to see yourself smile again. Look in mirror. Chances are you might not like who you see. I certainly didn't. You have odd quirks and maybe disproportionate body parts. Maybe you have a tooth gap but that's what makes you original. There's no one else on this Earth with all the same qualities as you. I love you just the way you are. No make up and no shaving. You are naturally beautiful, it's the world who's ugly. If you took your life your uniqueness will leave this world. Don't become another statistic like my brother. I love him and he'll never be forgotten by me but the world will continue on. Only now he can't contribute and make my life or anyone else's life, including his own, any happier. You deserve to be happy. You deserve someone to fight deep and hard to show you that you deserve to be happy. I hope someday soon you'll see how special you are and you'll love yourself because you deserve the realest purest love there is.

Thank you so much for reading this! If this helped you in any way please like and leave a comment if you have any questions! I put a lot of time and thought into this today because I love you and I think you deserve to be genuinely happy and I hope you find the happiness you're looking for soon.

Anyways that's going to be it from me. I will be back again very soon. I hope you have a good rest of the day!

Bye-bye!

☮️💚🌎

[taehyungiestummy]

Return to Paradise -- Chapter Twelve

Masterlist     Previous     Next

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3023

         “You are so goofy, Tae,” I smile as Taehyung makes a silly face at a baby a few tables over. “That baby is so cute.”

         All night Taehyung and I have been having a great time talking and being ourselves. Our meal was delicious, and now we are waiting for our waitress to come back so we can order dessert.

         “Your Korean impresses me,” Taehyung looks back at me. “You learned so much so fast for me.”

         “I think I know why I am your first true girlfriend,” I brush passed his compliment.

         He chuckles. “Why is that?”

         Our waitress steps up, taking our plates, “Dessert?”

         “Chocolate cake, please,” Taehyung smiles.

         “Coming right up,” the waitress nods before walking off.

         “You remembered,” I feel my heart skip a beat as my cheeks warm up/

         “A love of my jagi, I would never forget,” Taehyung reaches across the table to grab my hand. “Now, why are you my first girlfriend?”

         “Because you are so weird,” I giggle.

         “What?”

         “Like, when you first meet a girl, you are calm and such a sweetheart. Then, you show how goofy and weird you can be, and they can’t handle it. I could. I love your silly side because I have one myself. We fit together so well.”

         “I guess, that makes sense,” he smiles.

         Our waitress comes back, placing a slice of chocolate cake in the middle of the table. “Enjoy,” she smiles before walking off again.

         “Can I feed you?” Taehyung picks up his fork, contrasting with how we have used chopsticks all night.

         “I’m not a baby,” I pout.

         “I know, its just,” Taehyung bites his bottom lip.

         “It is cute and shows everybody that I am with you in that way,” I squeeze his hand. “Go ahead.”

         His face lights up, and he is quick to fee me a bit of cake. “Is it good?”

         “Amazing,” I run my tongue over my lips to pick up any icing.

         “Ah, don’t do that,” Taehyung’s voice comes out lower than usual.

         “What?” I innocently look at my boyfriend.

         His tongue runs over his bottom lip, “That.”

         I chuckle, “Licking my lips? That got you?”

         “Hey,” he pouts. “Shut up.”

         “Aw, Tae, you are so cute.”

         “Why am I never manly?” He grumble.

         “Oh, you are so manly in that suit,” I teasingly bite my bottom lip.

         “Now you are teasing me,” he takes a bite of cake.

         “Just a little. Think of it as revenge for all the times you have teased me.”

         “Fine,” he feeds me another bite. “You’re lucky I love you.”

         “I am lucky that you fell in love with me. As you are lucky I fell in love with you. That was confusing, but I think I made some sort of sense.”

         “Have you planned our next date?”

         “I have, and I am not telling you anything about it. It is going to be a surprise.”

         “I can’t wait. When will it be?”

         “After we are done traveling.”

         “Oh, well, that’s fine. We are going to get busy really soon, but we will be together, so I can’t complain.”

         “Yeah, traveling starts in a week or something.”

         “You know what I just noticed, and I can’t believe I haven’t noticed until now.”

         “What?” I barely tilt my head to the side.

         “You don’t have your ears pierced.”

         “Oh, ha, no, no I don’t,” I reach up with my free hand to touch my ear lobe. “Just not something I want to do. It’s painful, and I am scared of needles, and I just don’t feel the need.”

         “I did it.”

         “Yes, and you look so hot with your ears pierced. I just, don’t want them. I like necklaces and bracelets. At times, rings.”

         “Why aren’t you wearing a necklace now?”

         “I didn’t have one that matched. I haven’t had a necklace I love to wear in years, so I don’t have any over here.”

         “I’ll change that.”

         “Oh, oppa,” I roll the word over in my mouth, still debating if I should use it. “Don’t do that. You don’t need to do that.”

         “No, I want to. I’ll get a cute necklace you can wear everyday with any outfit.”

         I tenderly smile, “Don’t get anything too expensive. If it comes from you, I will love it no matter what.”

         “I will find something when we are traveling. Your birthday present, that’s what it will be. Then, you get to meet my family.”

         “Do they know?”

         “Know what?” Taehyung eyebrows come together in confusion.

         “Does your family know about me?”

         “Of course,” he shoves some cake into my mouth to calm me. “I talk about you so much. They want to meet you because of how much I gush over you.”

         “That’s good, but not what I meant. Do they know I’m not Korean?”

         “Oh, um, yes, they do,” Taehyung nods. “They got over it in seconds when they saw all my pictures of you and how much I love you.”

         “Why do you have pictures of me on your phone? When do you take them? Besides our selfies and what not.”

         “I take pictures of you all the time when you aren’t paying attention to me. They are all adorable, I promise you. I have them on my phone for when I miss you, and because I love you.”

         “Yes, of course,” my cheeks warm up again. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

         “Do you not have photos of me on your phone?”

         “No, I do. I save everyone you send to me. I also have photoshoots and whatever else I can find online. Helps when I miss you and can’t video chat.”

         “So, my family knows what you look like, jagi. They are excited to meet you, regardless of where you come from. You’ll love them and they will love you.”

         “I’m sure we will all get along,” I smile. “How about we finish this cake, and then get going?”

         “Are you getting tired?”

         “Yeah, not because of you or anything. Just, it’s been a long day, and we’ve been here for a long time. Nari and Emily are going to want all the details of this, so I need to make sure there is enough time to spill everything to them.”

         He chuckles, “Of course. They are quite interested in us, and I find that cute. Do I ever tire you out?”

         “You make me feel energized, actually, which not many people do. Only Emily is the other person that is constantly in my life that can pick me up.”

         “I feel special,” he smiles.

         “You are very special to me,” I smile back. “So special.”

********

         “Just a few more minutes,” Jungkook messes with the laptop. Being able to understand him has been beyond great for this summer. Being able to understand all the boys has been truly wonderful.

         “Every time one of you comes on screen for the first time, we are shouting your names,” I smile, looking around at the seven boys.

         “Won’t be the last time you scream Taehyung’s name,” Jimin smirks.

         “Jiminie,” I glare at the boy.

         “I will kill you,” Yoongi grumbles.

         “Screaming my name, hm?” Taehyung chuckles.

         “Amber and Taehyung are innocent kids,” Seokjin says. “To an extent, of course. The internet is a crazy place.”

         “Yeah, tease Namjoon and Emily,” I sigh. “Namjoon has a lot more experience.”

         “Hey, don’t drag me down,” Namjoon shakes his head. “I can’t believe you.”

         “Experience?” Emily looks around. “What does that even mean?”

         “Namjoon has a dirty mind,” Hoseok smirks. “Like Amber, but like ten times that.”

         “Keep me out of that,” I flop down on the couch, pulling Emily with me. “Is the music video live, Kookie? How much longer do I have to wait?”

         “It is ready, so you don’t have to wait any longer,” Jungkook smiles, turning the laptop around on the coffee table.

         “Okay boys, shut up so we can watch how amazing you are,” Emily says.

         “Yeah, the only people who can talk are Emily and I when we shout,” I smirk.

         Jungkook pushes play and everyone goes silent.

         The Big Hit logo sequence starts up with its soothing tone, lasting a few seconds.

         “Kim Namjoon!” Emily and I shout as the boy comes on screen.

         Namjoon shakes his head, a smile on his face. The version on the screen is dressed up as what I can only guess is the one who works the elevator.

         “Jeon Jungkook!”

         The maknae is dressed as a police officer, looking fine as hell.

         “Park Jimin!” Emily and I already have big smiles on our faces.

         The red head is an office worker. An office worker that is way more attractive than any office worker I know.

         “BTS!”

         All the boys are on screen for the chorus. All dressed as office workers. My eyes darting between Yoongi and Taehyung.

         “Jung Hoseok!” Emily and I don’t miss a beat.

         Hoseok is dressed as a race car driver, and he fits the part.

         “Min Yoongi!”

         I catch Yoongi nervously smiling out of the corner of my eye.

         The blond boy seems to be dressed as a military man, and he looks very handsome in it.

         “Kim Taehyung!” Emily and I are now leaning into one another.

         My boyfriend is dressed up like a detective from what I can gather. He’s cute and hot at the same time which is driving me mad.

         “And Kim Seokjin!”

         Seokjin is dressed up as a doctor, looking adorable as always. Nari is going to love this look.

         The music video is very similar to the dance practice. Just more outfit and setting changes. It’s hard to soak it all in. The video ends and my thoughts are all over the place.

         “So, did you like it?” Seokjin asks.

         “Like it?” I take a deep breath. “Loved it!”

         Emily nods, “Yes. Best music video to date. They just keep getting better and better.”

         “The outfits, the dancing, the song. It was all perfect.”

         “We have seven talented, hot, amazing friends.”

         “Can we watch it again?” I look around at the boys, using my puppy-dog eyes. “Please, I was so into shouting, and I feel like I missed out on like half the video.”

         “Of course,” Jungkook hits the replay button. “You can watch it as many times as you want.”

         “Thank you, Kookie,” I smile, ruffling his hair.

         “Is this all we are going to do today?” Hoseok whines.

         “Video game tournament in a second,” I wave him off.

         “Just a few more times for the music video,” Emily adds.

         I’m not sure how many times we watch the video, but enough that I could recount it scene for scene to someone who has never seen it before. Even though I could look around and see those same boys next to me, I can’t help but love the fact that they could have these different personas.

         “Wow, I just love it,” I squeal as Taehyung drags me into his lap. “Don’t you guys like watching it?”

         “It is nice to see all the hard work pay off,” Namjoon has pulled Emily into his side.

         “We just wanted it to be over with when we were filming,” Jungkook closes the laptop. “It was fun, but also a lot. We had to film as quickly as possible, but there was so much to do.”

         “Now you want to play video games, right?” Jimin starts going through the games in the cabinet next to the TV.

         “Very much,” I giggle as Taehyung places multiple kisses on my cheeks. “What games do you have that we can play against each other?”

********

         “A whole month, well, close to it, traveling with our boyfriends and best friends,” I smile, opening my small suitcase.

         “Comeback and then vacation,” Emily tosses clothes out of her dresser into her suitcase. “Sounds like a great few weeks.”

         “I’d love to share a room with Yoongi one day.”

         “I bet he is good at cuddling,” she teases.

         “He is,” I toss some clothes into my suitcase. “That day I was with him at the studio, he held me as we listened to some of his music that he’s working on. He is comfy and warm.”

         “That’s cute,” she smiles.

         “Anyways, we get to see the boys perform tonight, so that’s cool. Three days without seeing them is hard.”

         “Well, we watched their performances the past two days, so it hasn’t been too bad.”

         “The first day just sucked because we could have gone to watch them practice, but we wanted them to work hard and focus, so we stayed home.”

         “I bet they thought of us all day.”

         “Of course,” I shake my head. “I can’t wait to see them tonight. They did so well the past two nights. One more, they can do one more this week.”

         “The song is so good; I don’t think we will ever get tired of it.”

         “Never,” I plop down next to my suitcase, folding my clothes neatly to fit.

         “This summer seems to be lasting longer, yet not at the same time,” Emily kneels by her suitcase, neatly folding her clothes as well.

         “It’s the last summer we have to worry about our time over here ending. I don’t know if that helps.”

         “You are so sure our parents will let us move over here.”

         “I will do something so they can’t say no. Really, once I turn eighteen, I can do what I want.”

         “What could you do?”

         “Get married.” I burst into laughter. “No, ah, I need parent consent.”

         “Would you really get married at that young of an age?”

         “No, Taehyung would be too busy, and it would be so hard. Our lives would be so crazy, and even thinking about marriage is something I can’t believe after less than a year is coming up so much.”

         “You could just travel with him. We, actually, could travel with the group if you are thinking about that.”

         “I guess. I still would want to wait until I’m at least twenty. My parents wouldn’t consent before then anyway.”

         “Eh, I don’t know. I bet Taehyung could get them to. All for love.”

         I giggle, “I still have the final say. I’m no getting married at eighteen. End of story.”

         “Fine, fine,” Emily sighs. “Would you share a room with Taehyung on this trip? Or, better yet, a bed.”

         “Maybe,” I zip up my suitcases. “I don’t think we get much of a choice.”

         “Same for me. We’ll see what they let us do.”

         “I’m ready for all the laughs and fun times.”

         “They have to be filmed at times, so we have to be hidden.”

         “A small detail. Easy to hide when we can wear face masks.”

         “Period week is going to suck for you,” Emily zips up her suitcase.

         “Don’t even want to think about it,” I groan. “But, Tae will help me through it, so it won’t be too terrible. Still, I don’t want to worry about it.”

         “He can’t be better than me.”

         “No one could be better than you, but he can try. He needs to try to live up to your standards.”

         “He’ll do a good job; Taehyung seems to be good at things like that.”

         “I can’t stop thinking about going to award shows as his girlfriend.”

         “Weird to think of, but, I can imagine going as Namjoon’s girlfriend.”

         “Walking down the carpet in a beautiful dress, arm linked with Tae’s. Everyone knows us as the goofy couple. Yoongi is keeping a close eye on me. We have to separate as the press can get group photos. You and Namjoon are known as the serious couple.”

         “We have matching dresses in different colors. The two of us hang off to the side as photos of the group are taken. Photos of us are being taken too, though. Going public has its perks and drawbacks.”

         “Nari would be there once. I know she doesn’t want to be out in the public like that a lot. She comes once. All of us have a grand time. The life of having an idol as a boyfriend.”

         “One day, we will be public. We will have to deal with a lot. Love and hate.”

         “I can deal with it. I want people to know about our relationship. Hiding sucks.”

         “Yeah, it’s a lot of effort to not get spotted.”

         “Can’t wait to stop worrying,” I stand up.

         “Girls!” Nari’s voice travels from the living room. “The boys are here to take you to the venue! I need to say goodbye and repeat rules!”

         “Ah, so soon,” I grab my glasses case off my desk. “It seems so early.”

         “Just a tad,” Emily stands up. “Come on, we have a fun night ahead of us.”

         The two of us grab our backpacks, leaving the room with our suitcases in tow. We may not be leaving tonight, but it feels like it.

         “I feel like I am sending my kids off to college or something,” Nari chuckles, standing behind the couch. “You’re just leaving me for a few weeks, and will be back before I know it. Just like when you leave to go back to America at the end of the summer. You’ll be back before I know it.”

         “What are the rules?” I stop in front of my cousin. “That before goodbyes.”

         “Only a few rules,” Nari nods. “Call me often so that I know you are doing good and everything is fine. Don’t do anything stupid, and take that anyway you want. Last, have a great time and take in everything around you. Take pictures and buy little knick-knacks.”

         “We can do that,” Emily nudges me with her hip.

         “For sure,” I widely smile. “We come back tonight, anyways, and we don’t leave for a little bit longer. We are just getting ready.”

         “I know, but I still need to make sure you know how much I love you, and how happy I am that you get to do something like this,” Nari smiles. “You are my responsibility, but I trust you. This is good for you. Have a great time, girls.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A bit shorter because another scene would make it too long, and everything is changing, so it makes sense to stop here. Anyways, hope you enjoyed, and I’d love to know what you thought. :D

[miraculousmumma]

The Cream That Got The Chat - A Miraculous One-Shot

Before you get into the story, I just wanted to thank everyone for their interest in this, but especially @minetteenfers for hearing me ramble on and producing some crazy beautiful artwork to go with it!  I’ve had so much fun!

Marinette wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

A few weeks ago it had come to her attention that a local company had started selling what they called “Sexy Bug Hero” and “Sexy Cat Hero” costumes, just in time for Halloween.  They had been vague enough in their description that it wouldn’t have been a copyright infringement, not that they had copyrighted their costumes, but the designs were also vague enough that…well, they weren’t even close to accurate.

What they were was an insult.  The absolute minimum of fabric used to make them passable as vaguely decent, and a little extra thrown on for extra slutiness.

And that wasn’t the worst of it.  She had left making an outfit for the annual costume party so late she had no time to make one.  Guess what her only two options were?

She stood looking at the two costumes in disgust.  They were the last two in the entire shop in her size and she knew Alya wouldn’t let her get away without being in costume.  She had to make a decision.  And fast.  She sighed and grabbed one of the costumes, steeling herself for the looks she would no doubt get, before taking it to the till.

As Ladybug, she had brought the costumes up with Chat Noir, half expecting him to comment he would love to see her in them, but to her delight, if you could call anything about this situation delightful, he had done the exact opposite.  Chat Noir’s rant had gone on for almost an hour, about how they were degrading to women, how they demeaned their repeated heroics and what they represent.  She had been pleasantly surprised and impressed by just how passionate he had been.

Even now, on Halloween, Adrien was still mad about it.  So mad, he was determined to make a point.

‘You look ridiculous.’  Plagg remarked around a piece of ripe camembert.

‘That’s the point.’  Adrien replied as he adjusted his top.

‘Where am I meant to hide?’

‘Use your imagination.’  Adrien shifted he weight from foot to foot, testing his unfamiliar shoes.

Plagg sighed.  ‘I really don’t want to.’

‘Plagg?’  Adrien gave him a stern look.

‘Okay, fine!’  He swallowed the cheese whole.  ‘I’ll figure it out.’

‘Thanks.’  Adrien replied as he disappeared.  ‘Time to go.’

‘I don’t want to go.’  Marinette groaned as Alya dragged her down the street arm in arm.  ‘It’s embarrassing!’

‘You look amazing.’  Alya replied.  Again.  ‘Everyone is going to be floored by it.’

‘Everyone is going to laugh.’  She pouted in reply.

‘Are you kidding?  Nino is going as Ginger Rogers.  I don’t think you’re the one anyone is going to laugh at.’

Marinette knew Alya had a point but as the music grew louder as they approached the venue her heart leapt into her mouth.  ‘Maybe I’ll keep my coat on.’

‘You will not!’  Alya shot her a glare.  ‘Everyone will be in costume, not just you!’

‘It’s alright for you though, you’re wearing a tails suit!’

‘Of course I am.’  She tilted her top hat with a grin.  ‘What would Ginger be without Fred?’

Marinette gave up arguing.  They had reached the doors anyway and would soon not be able to hear one another unless they yelled.  She was definitely going to need a couple of drinks to see her through the night.

Adrien knew there was only one way to handle the party, and that was to walk in with his head held high and absolutely work this look.  He had modelled in less before and he decided to treat this no differently.  Coat checked, he walked into the party hall confidently, taking in the reaction from those nearest him as his eyes searched the crowd for his friends.  Which was when his eyes found her.  His jaw almost hit the floor as he took in the vision before him.

Marinette had chosen to wear the “Sexy Cat Hero” costume.  He would never have thought she would wear something so…revealing, but there she was.  There a lot of her was.  His eyes trailed from the cat ears resting amongst her hair, which she had caught up and styled to look short and spiky.  She wore the mask on her head as a band and in its place her eyes were dark and smoky with a heavy cats eye flick that emphasised them greatly.  Her throat held a choker and bell, the low cut black crop top hugged a small portion of her torso, showing off assets he had never before considered.  Her hands and arms were covered with long gloves, one holding a cup which she drank from regularly.  Standing side on he could see how the booty shorts clung to her, her tail bobbing behind her as she shifted nervously from foot to foot.  The final piece of the costume was thigh high heeled boots.  The entire costume left very little to the imagination, and his right now was running rampant.

Shaking himself from his daze, which was weird, he edged around the room, planning on surprising Marinette.  Sure, he didn’t approve of the costumes but he wanted her to know she looked amazing.  As he got closer, Alya spotted him over Marinette’s shoulder, her eyes going wide until he shushed her, allowing him to get right behind Marinette.  Slipping his hands over her eyes he spoke close to her ear to ensure she heard him.

‘Guess who, chaton?’

Marinette froze as the room was blacked out by hands over her eyes, a voice speaking so close to her ear she felt the heat of breath on her skin.  What the hell?  Why was Chat Noir sneaking up on her?  ‘Chat Noir?’  She asked hesitantly.

It took Adrien a moment to remember he wasn’t here as Chat Noir.  Had Marinette recognised his voice?  Had she thought that his use of chaton was a clue?  He had to act fast.  He dropped his hands and stepped around her.  ‘No, it’s me, Adrien.’  He raised his mask to rest on top of his head.  ‘You didn’t really think I was Chat Noir, did you?’

‘What?  No!  I thought you saying chaton was a clue!’  Marinette laughed to cover up her embarrassment.  Then she took in his costume fully.  ‘Oh my God.’

‘Tada!  What do you think?’  Adrien did a twirl for her while Alya laughed.

‘Oh, I love the socks, Adrien.’  Alya shook her head.  ‘I didn’t realise they did those in your size.’

‘I did have to special order it.’  He admitted.  ‘But it’s worth it.  Why should it just be women who have to dress sexy on Halloween?’

Marinette just continued to stand and gawk at him, rendered absolutely speechless.  Adrien was wearing the “Sexy Bug Hero” costume.  Which meant a spotted mask, a polkadot bikini, over the bottom of which sat a stiff net skirt.  His legs held socks, just as Alya said, but they came up over his knees, the final part of his costume being polkadot heeled shoes.

‘What…uh…what, what?’  Marinette managed to spit out and Alya patted her on the back.

‘I’m going to go find Nino.  You two have fun in your couples costumes.’

Neither one knew quite how to answer, they simply looked at one another.  Eventually it was Adrien who broke the silence.

‘So, erm, what made you come as Chat Noir?’

‘I left it too late to get anything else.’  She admitted sheepishly.  ‘Not that he’s a bad person to dress as, but I’d rather something less…’  She indicated to herself.  ‘Maybe more is the right word.  What about you?’

‘Protest.’  He admitted, trying very hard to maintain eye contact.  ‘You know, why should girls have to wear such degrading costumes, and it’s demeaning to the heroes, don’t you think?’

He continued to talk but Marinette switched off, his wording striking a chord in her memories.  No, it couldn’t be.

Adrien was just expressing to Marinette why he had decided to make his point when she put her drink on a nearby table and reached up as though to touch his hair.  He paused, wondering what she was going to do, until her fingers reached the mask and she pulled it down over his eyes and stared into them.

‘Chat?’  She said, just loud enough for him to hear.

‘No, you’re Chat.’  He said quickly in his defence but she wasn’t done.  She pulled the mask off him, took hers from her head and held it over his face.

‘Don’t lie to me, I’d know those eyes anywhere!’

‘You know Chat Noir that well, huh, Marinette?’  Adrien laughed nervously, knowing his eyes looked different like this.

‘Yeah, I do.’  She replied as she held the Ladybug mask up to her own face.  ‘Really well.’

Adrien’s jaw flapped a couple of times.  He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.  Adding the mask to Marinette’s face changed her eyes.  They were suddenly confident, strong, determined, and he was so in love with them he would know them anywhere.  ‘My la…?’

She pressed her finger to his lips and handed him back his mask.  ‘Not here.  Later.’

‘Later.’  He repeated.  ‘I can’t wait until later!’

‘You have to.  People will notice if we leave now.’

He glanced around as his mind whirled.  Marinette.  Ladybug.  It made so much sense and the reality hit him like a bucket of cold water.  ‘Then dance with me?’  He took her hand.  ‘No one will overhear us.’

She sighed.  Dancing with Adrien sounded amazing but the truth of what she had just learnt had shook her more than she cared to admit.  It turned out she was in love with her partner all along.  ‘Adrien…’

‘Please?’

‘One dance.’  She held her finger up between them.  ‘Then I need a drink.’

‘Great.’  He grinned as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dance floor, turning and resting his hand on her hips to avoid pressing them to her bare flesh.

‘This isn’t a slow song.’  She narrowed her eyes at him even as she brought her hands up to rest on his shoulders, feeling the warmth of his body even through her gloves.

‘I don’t care, I’m scared if I let you go now that I’ve found you I might lose you.’

She smiled at the goofy look in his eyes, shaking her head slightly.  ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

‘Good.’

They began to sway to the music far too slowly, not caring about what else was going on around them.  There was no one but the two of them.  They stayed like this the entire night, as tempos changed and the number of people on the dance floor began to wane, and it was only when the lights went up they realised they were the only guests left.

‘I think we overstayed our welcome.’  Adrien laughed.

‘I think so.’  Marinette’s cheeks flushed pink and he was able to finally appreciate her outfit in its entirety.  She was so beautiful.

‘You want to go get a coffee?’  He asked.

‘I’d like that.’  She nodded.

You could have cut the silence between the pair with a knife.  They sat on opposite sides of a small table at the back of an all night coffee shop, coats fastened firmly over their costumes, Marinette staring into her coffee as she stirred it, all too aware of Adrien’s eyes on her.

‘So…’  He prompted and she looked up, the sudden word jolting her out of her overthinking.

‘So…I don’t know what you want me to say.’  She said quietly.

‘Tell me again.’  He smiled softly and she felt her own lips twitch in response.  He was infectious.

‘You’re not mad?’  She asked hesitantly.

‘How could I be mad?’  He asked.  ‘Just tell me.’

She swallowed hard and glanced down again.  ‘I’m Ladybug.’  She murmured so quietly he could barely hear her.

‘A little louder.’  He encouraged her and she looked up, finding him grinning an entirely Chat-like grin.

‘You’re not funny, you know?’

‘I’m a little funny.’  He tilted his head.

‘You’re funny in that outfit.’  She laughed slightly.

‘I was going for crazy hot, but okay.’  He shrugged.

‘Shut up.’  She looked at her cup again as a gentle blush coloured her cheeks.  He was right, he was crazy hot, but she wasn’t about to admit that to him, not knowing what she knew now, but that could work in her favour.

He narrowed his eyes and ducked his head to try and meet her gaze.  ‘Wait, are you blushing?  Do you actually think I’m crazy hot?’

She gave him a deadpan look.  ‘I’m shy, Adrien, not blind.’

‘Huh.’  He had a far too satisfied look on his face.  Talk about the cat that got the cream.  ‘But just say it one more time?  Please?’

She huffed out a sigh.  He wanted her to say it, fine she would say it.  Pressing her hands on the table she stood, leaning towards him until her cheek was almost touching his.  Finally she whispered; ‘I’m Ladybug.’  Directly into his ear.

Adrien swallowed hard as her breath tickled his skin.  He could feel the heat from her skin, he could smell the sweet scent of her with fruity overtones from her shampoo, and as she sat back again he could see every freckle on her face, every fleck in her bluebell eyes.

Marinette sat down and picked up her coffee, blowing across the surface to hide her flushed cheeks as her heart raced.  She had decided to surprise him with a little confidence he was only used to seeing from her in costume, and it seemed to have had the desired effect.  He had shut up, at least.  ‘It’s your turn.’  She prompted him.

Adrien’s mouth flapped twice before any sound came out, and then he had to clear his throat.  ‘Do you want to go on a date after patrol tomorrow night?  He said rapidly.

Marinette choked on her coffee, causing it to swallow the wrong way, scalding her throat in the process.  ‘What?’  She asked when she could speak.

‘Nah, forget I said anything.’  He shook his head.  ‘It was a stupid thing to ask, I know you’re not interested I just hoped, now we knew each other’s identities, that you might give me a shot.’

Marinette looked at him in disbelief, which he took completely the wrong way and continued to ramble.

‘You have to be disappointed, I would be, I’m not exactly superhero material like this.  I’m a model, that’s not really what you expect from Chat Noir, and you’ve always told me you don’t feel that way about me, that there’s someone else.  I won’t ask again, let’s just pretend that I never said it.’

‘Well, if you’re not going to ask again,’ she said as she pulled the mask down off her head to cover her eyes, ‘then maybe this Chat should ask his bugaboo.’

‘Maybe what now?’  Adrien asked in confusion.

She sighed and sat forward, pulling his mask down over his own eyes.  ‘Would you go on a date with me after patrol tomorrow night, my lady?’

‘But…’  The look of confusion on his face was absolutely endearing.  ‘What about the other guy?’

‘You pretty idiot.’  She rolled her eyes.  ‘You’re the other guy!’

‘I’m…I’m what?!’  He said louder than he meant to and it made her laugh.

She slid out of her seat and beckoned to him with her finger.  ‘Try to keep up, chaton.’  She walked towards the exit and knew he was following from the sudden scraping sound of the chair and his rapid heeled footfalls following her.  Smiling to herself she mulled over how things had turned out and how she had it all to thank the very costume she had so despised.

[silverwhisp]

I’ve Completed KH3 And I Have Thoughts.

I have finished KH3 short of the side stuff like the ultima weapon, classic kingdom, gummi ship stuff, battle portals and the cooking. I have some thoughts. First off, I loved this game allot. I only have a couple of complaints gameplay wise and three story wise but all in all, I loved every minute of this game. For those who don’t want to read everything I’d give the game a solid 8.5/10. It was amazing but a few small flaws and the three story issues I had made me bring the score down. First I will discuss the issues cause I feel that’s what one should do when critiquing art. I will offer solutions where I can. 

I will discuss my gameplay complaints first.

The manual lock on is ass while the auto lock on is decent. I almost never used the manual lock on due to the fact it can just drag the camera where ever it wanted. Especially if enemies start flying. This is largely due to how often you spend in the air while in combat. The auto lock is good though and doesn’t seem to change targets unless you make it or bump into another enemy. The manual lock is good for human sized bosses though. Short of making the camera tighter this may not be able to be fixed.

The game is to damn easy. I had this issue in BBS and DDD after I got to level 30 and beyond. The game becomes easy even on proud. This is largely due to bad enemy health scaling. They still can hit damn hard and enemies like the Ice Dragon still are dangerous. But since the enemy’s health and defense don’t scale up better the game becomes real easy after level 40. I don’t doubt they will patch in a critical mode which may be a better way to play this game. Just better enemy scaling would fix this problem.

That’s all my gameplay complaints now for story ones. SPOILERS will be discussed so leave while you can.

The game has bad pacing in the Disney worlds. Some like Olympus, Toy Box, San Fransokyo and Kingdom Of Corona have great pacing while Monstropolis is meh and ones like Pirates and Arendelle were just awful. Why are you cheering for Anna and Elsa Sora? You didn’t do anything you turd. This could have been fixed if they added intervals in between all the worlds to reset the pacing and if they just followed the movies from start to finish in their entirety instead of jumping around.

Twilight Town is more of a bus stop then a world. They should have made it bigger and included old areas to explore. Even an expanded sewer system would have been fun. No story reason needed it just exists. Oh well.

These next issues ARE MAJOR SPOILERS so leave now if you don’t want to be spoiled.

What the fuck is Nomura’s issue with writing a good arc for Kairi? I mean they set her up to be training to become a bad ass and we don’t get to see either the training or a decent fight scene. We fight with her once, she gets kidnapped, and then fucking dies!? I’m starting to think Nomura doesn’t know how to write female characters. That may be one of the reasons they dropped him from FF Versus XIII since females had big roles in the story. He fucked Kairi over and made her the least likable and cared about character in the fucking finale of this Saga to me. What the hell? This alone may actually get me to start my own series on something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. Jesus. The death isn’t the issue its that there was no build up for her.

The last story complaint is a small one. I saw Sora’s “death” coming since death seemed to be a theme in allot of the world’s we went to. Flynn, Anna, Jack, and Tadashi were or are dead at some point. Even Young Xehanort hinted at it when he said, “There is a high price to pay for wielding such power recklessly (...) There is no saving you.” The issues I have with the “death” of Sora is that it means nothing. Nomura said he will be the protagonist for the foreseeable future. If he didn’t say that then the death would be okay. The main complaint about this is the final scene on Destiny Islands where everyone sees Kairi and Sora but Sora just gets Thanos’d. That shouldn’t have been in there. There are two scenarios that would work way better than that one in my eyes.

One: Everyone is just looking out to the sea and the music goes quiet. All you can hear is the sounds of the waves and it zooms to Riku and he just smiles.

Two: Same thing but Kairi comes from the ocean in tears and Riku helps her up. They all look at her and she shakes her head. Everyone gets solemn until Riku chuckles. He smiles and says, “That knuckle head always getting into trouble. He’ll be back. Even if I have to drag him home.”

Maybe its stupid but if you removed the scene where Sora turns into smoke or whatever, the ending would have allot more impact.

Those are all my complaints for the game. Like I said solid overall but with a few issues that could easily be fixed.

Now for the stuff I loved about the game. Gameplay Is First

All the worlds were so much damn fun to explore. I easily spent and extra couple hours in each just looking around for chests, emblems, Easter eggs, and ingredients. Even Pirates was fun and I was worried it’d be gimmicky due to the ship mechanic but nope it was so much fun. The only one that was less fun was Monstropolis but since it takes place in a factory its okay. It seemed more into hidden paths than open places which is fine.

I haven’t had that much fun with a combat system since playing as Vergil In Devil May Cry 4 Special edition and that’s saying something. His combat was so smooth and easy to experiment with I didn’t think it could be beat but KH3′s comes close with transformations and grand magic. The attractions are a bonus though I didn’t use them allot. There wasn’t a need at later levels.

Thank god for combo cancelling with dodges and slides. Against the Gigas, which are the only enemies that pose a threat now, its a god send.

Flowmotion is fun to use and not over powered like in DDD. No more spamming air slam at early levels.

The party members all feel useful. Not many died in combat and seemed smart enough to back off when they’re in danger. Donald also heals based on need versus what he did before. Like if I was out of magic and potions he would heal me over goofy even if we had similar amounts of health.

There wasn’t a single boss I didn’t like short of Dark Baymax since it felt so slow. Skoll is now my favorite heartless design finally surpassing the Wyvern from Kingdom Hearts 1.

That’s all for gameplay since I could go on and on.

Now for story stuff. SPOILERS INCOMING! All the original story stuff for the KH characters was amazing. Anti-Aqua’s theme was so heartbreaking and beautiful and what she said as we fought made me feel like shit even though it was Mickey’s fault for leaving her there. Vanitas’ voice is god like and his scenes are so good. Him calling Ventus and Sora a brother to him makes sense yet unsettled me with the tone he used. ALL OF THE TRIO’S BEING REUNITED!!! I cried when Xion, Roxas and Axel hugged and cried. I was so happy they got to be together. Aqua’s reunion with Terra and Ven was also beautiful. Xehanort’s story beats were great and the man they got to replace the late Leonard Nimoy is amazing. Sounds more sickly and dying like he should at this point. The twist where Terranort wrecks everyone before we go back into time was a fucking shock and amazing. THEN LINGERING WILL SHOWING UP! The voice for Lingering will was amazing. DONALD’S ZETAFLARE HOLY SHIT! All the foreshadowing of Sora’s “Death” or “Disappearance.” Death was talked about allot and Young Xehanort even said Sora couldn’t be saved since Sora uses the power of waking so recklessly. All the Disney characters who met organization members being sick of their shit before they even talk. Woody especially. “I bet you’ve never been loved.” and “That makes you more hollow than any toy.” My son I am so proud. All the instagram style posts were so cute. The epilogue was mind blowing. I knew that sarcastic sniper knew way more than he let on but him being Luxu was a fucking shock. Amazing. And the secret ending seems to be hinting that Sora’s been given a second chance in the form of The Reaper game from TWEWY. Either its going to be DLC which Nomura said if he did decide to do he’d do free stuff and/or one big dlc that adds to the experience in a big way or the next game opens with The Reaper Game. Riku being in Verum Rex is interesting to me. Maybe he realizes Sora isn’t in the realm of light and after talking with Goofy and Donald he learns of Verum Rex and how Sora was tossed in so he goes looking for him there. And finally the Master of Masters looking at the moon and forming a heart with his hands. Is he looking for a new plain of existence for everyone to live on but before he can move people there it needs a new Kingdom Hearts? And is that what’s in the box? I’m excited to see. All in all I love the game and would recommend it to people who want a good JRPG.

8.5/10

[tigertoramaru]

NYFIC: Because I promised him!

A little Ares fic to enjoy. I was going to rp it up with @isleomuses, but this seemed more fun. Enjoy!

Others who would like: @producktions @shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 @enkazee

Because I promised him!

By Tigertoramaru

=

(Kazemaru’s reaction to finding out he’s been assigned to Kageyama! Inspired by Outer Code and Reloaded. Enjoy!)

=

Kazemaru gasped as he opened the letter he was waiting for. It told him what school he was going to be assigned to as part of this reorganization of soccer. Problem was that the school wasn’t an issue, but then he read the Coach he’d be reporting to. “No way…”

He wasn’t crazy about the idea of splitting the team up and now this really clinched it. Track was suddenly seeming like a good idea to get back into, but he needed some other words to motivate him. For that there was one person he could always count on.

 And that was his friend since Elementary school, Endou Mamoru. While he wasn’t the brightest at times, Endou always managed to cheer him up with his simple way of looking at things, and for him somewhere along the way he started feeling more for his friend. Another dilemma, his friend seemed only to love soccer, though sometimes he seemed closer to Gouenji or Kidou.

 Tears threatening to fall at one or both of those dilemmas, Kazemaru grabbed his shoes and ran to the Endou residence, arriving there as the street lights were starting to flicker on outside, small fireflies starting to dance around. It was such a beautiful night for such dark thoughts! Endou’s mother opened the door for him, recognizing him as it was hardly the first time he’d been there over the years. “Sorry, I need to see him.” Kaze said not waiting for an answer as he kicked off his shoes, bowed in apology and ran up the stairs to Endou’s room.

 “Endou! I…” Kaze began running into the room. Naturally it was a mess as Endou packed and he found himself tripping and ended up sitting in Endou’s luggage alongside his socks and some badly folded shirts.

Endou blinked in surprise at the interruption and turned to look at his friend in his suitcase. “Kazemaru, hi! Is something wrong? Sorry for the mess. I’m finding it hard to pack without knowing where I am going yet.” Then again, his room was usually on the verge of disorder.

 Kazemaru shook his head as he got up and sat on the bed. “You’re such a mess.” Kaze said as he picked up the shirts and began folding them properly. “Those will wrinkle you know.” Kaze said as he handed the now-wrinkled letter to Endou, but summarized the problem for him. “They’re sending me to work for HIM. Some punishment that is, after all he did, they leave him a Coach!” Kaze said wiping his eyes before tears could fall.

 Endou read the letter, frowning a bit at the news, but he looked at things more simply. “But Teikoku is a great school! Your team will be hard to beat, especially with you helping them.”

 Kaze glared at that. “Endou! How can you say that? I…I want to go back to Track, I can’t…I won’t work for that man, I…!”

 Endou frowned again as he took Kaze’s hands in his. “Kazemaru! Do you love soccer?”

 Kaze blinked at Endou’s rough grip on him. “Mamoru, don’t…”

 Endou looked at him with those chocolate eyes of his. “Do you?”

 Kaze looked down at his socks, composing himself and his thoughts, his face hidden by his teal hair. I did it because YOU asked me to Mamoru, not for soccer. Kaze thought, but this wasn’t a night to confess his feelings, especially since they were going to be split apart.

*

The memories came so quick and happy for him…

“Kazemaru? Didn’t you say you wanted to play against first-rate players? If you want to join, come by anytime!”

“When I said first-rate players I meant in athletics...”

*

“That sure is some messy special training…You’re serious about beating them huh? I’ll join you and that spirit of yours.”

*

And then reality came back as Endou tapped him on the head. “Kazemaru? You went all funny.”

 Kaze smiled slightly as he held Endou’s hands back. “I DO love soccer, but I DON’T love that man.”

 Endou smiled back. “Well there must be a reason they gave it back to him. Kidou says he knows a lot about soccer.”

 Kazemaru shook his head. “Mamoru, I don’t know if I can do this without you. I wasn’t crazy about the idea of splitting us all up, it feels more like a punishment, and…”

 Endou turned to the side as his TV turned on. “It’s on!”

Kaze blinked in surpise at the pause in their talk. “What is?”

Endou smiled. “Another soccer friendly, Italy’s nationals against that team that beat us, uh…”

 Kazemaru looked over with more interest now. “Barcelona Orb.” He supplied helpfully.

 Endou grinned. “Arigatou. You always have my back Kazemaru.”

 On the screen, Italy’s Captain Hidetoshi was on screen shaking the hand of Orb’s Captain Clario. “We saw your match against Raimon, you could have made your point without crushing them so badly. How about you pick on someone your own size?”

 Clario shrugged as he shook Hide’s hand. “We did what we were told, it wasn’t personal.”

 Then the camera turned to another Italian boy which the caption said was a FW for Orpheus, Assistant Captain Fidio Aldena. “If there are any Raimon members watching, we know you have a long way to go, but take heart. You’ll get there and if you need help, feel free to look us up.” Fidio said giving a thumb’s up and wink at the screen.

 A rapid maybe not so friendly game developed, the moves incredible and at times it seemed it could go either way but eventually ended in an Orpheus victory 6-5.

 Kazemaru watched it all with Endou and sometime during the game he recognized he did love soccer, and he also felt a little better knowing the team that crushed them could also be beaten. It was just a matter of skill and training. “I do love soccer.” Kaze said resting his hands on Endou’s shoulders.

Endou turned in surprise and gave his friend one of those big goofy smiles of his. “Then you’ll stay?”

 Kazemaru smiled back and nodded. “I will, but I won’t like it. Endou…you’re my best friend and Captain. Tell me what I should do.”

 Endou nodded as he stood and placed his hands on Kaze’s shoulders. “Kazemaru, please follow your orders and go to Teikoku, promise me you’ll do your best to help them so that one day we can be on the world stage like those guys we just watched.”

 Kazemaru tipped his head down. “I promise. I’ll do it for you. NOT for him.” Kaze said softly. “I should get back home, I have some more packing to do, my bus arrives early tomorrow. Write me when you find out where you’re going.” Kaze said, and with that, he gave Endou a quick hug and walked out of his best friend’s life for an indefinite time.

 Three days later…

After the briefing, Sakuma gave chase and grabbed Kazemaru’s arm as he walked away. “Kazemaru! Why are you with Kageyama?!?!”

 Kazemaru turned slightly, his iron mask breaking for a moment as he gave a small smile. “Because I promised a friend.”

 END.

[revchainsaw]

Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)

Wow! I can't believe I'm about to review a mainstream Disney release of all things on this blog. Eh! I make the rules and this thing is close enough to a high fantasy/martial arts film and who knows I may give a crack at Disney's Cruella later if the film strikes me the right way.

The Message

Set in the fictional land of Kumandra, Raya exists in a world where dragon lore is at the center of everything. Kumandra is a prosperous land that exists around a dragon shaped sea, and the different Kumandran tribes that live there are named after the part of the dragon they inhabit. Fang, Tail, etc, etc. It's no wonder that the Dragons are so revered in these cultures, as the prosperity that the world is now experiencing is due to the great sacrifice where the dragons gave their lives to create a magic jewel that keeps a horrible race of sprits called the Druun at bay.

The jewel is protected by the Heart tribe, particularly the lineage of the Heart chieftain. Raya is the heir to this immense responsibility. Her father the current guardian of the jewel is an idealistic sort and believes that the Kumandran people can be united, however the other tribes have their own interests and biases, even about the Heart people who they believe are using the power of the jewel to unfairly benefit themselves. Raya is an apt disciple of her fathers ideals but unfortunately this leads to her falling for a ploy by the people of Fang to steal the Jewel, when she 'befreinds' the Fang Princess Namaari.

A battle ensues over the jewel that ends up shattering the macguffin of power, and releasing the Druun back into Kumandra. The Druun now unleashed upon the world begin to create a ruin. Transfroming anyone they come into contact with into stone. Raya's father saves her before being petrified himself.

As we fast forward Raya has become a cynical adult bent on finding the last dragon of legend in hopes that she can defeat the Druun, and return the world to the way it was, abandoning her hopes that the Kumandran tribes can ever be united. It should come as no suprise then that Raya does in fact discover the Last Dragon, Sisu. Sisu is a fun loving, comedic, and hyper energetic creatuer with a love for humanity and trusting nature that is at odds with Raya's trauma and cynicism, it also doesn't help that her special power is "swimming".

As they journey across the Dragon shaped land of Kumandra, they gain friends and face foes. Raya holding onto her hurt and refusing to trust the other peoples they meet enough to think that maybe Sisu is a Sacred being who is important to their cultures as well. It is this lack of trust that eventually leads to tragedy for Raya.

At this point I'm going to uncharacteristically avoid spoilers. Raya is left with the fall out of her distrust and must either turn to her survivor nature and endure this world the way it is, or put her trust in those that have wronged her and bravely and boldly take a leap of faithful expectation that a better world is possible. It's a Disney movie, so I'm sure you know where this goes, but I'm not going to give you the specifics. It's pretty sweet and powerful.

The Benediction

Best Creature Design: Tuk Tuk: Available at Target

I can't lie. I work on the road and I have to use the bathroom all over town if I need to. My secret for finding the cleanest place to go is to generally avoid gas stations and rest areas when I can help it and to hit up grocery stores and book stores etc. as often as possible. My favorite is a local target, the bathrooms are generally less in demand than a gas station, much cleaner, AND at target they usually have a starbucks so I can also grab some joe. All that said, I have seen these absolutely massive Tuk Tuk toys in the toy section and I'm going to buy them for all the kids that I know. I just think he's a fun creature. Im not a big enough fan of Raya to justify having this basketball sized toy in my collection, but I think that kids will love having a giant armadillo bear monster to pal around with.

Best Character: Dragon's Heart

Sisu is an endearing figure and her offbeat but kind nature reminds me exactly of my favorite kind of people to meet in the wild. It's hard to be a lover and not a fighter. It's hard to be so understanding. It is an archetype that we see all over any media with a semi-spiritual message and I don't think we've seen it with quite the comedic edge as Sisu. Aang from Avatar comes close, but his light hearted attitude is certainly on par with Sisu, his comedic sensibilities are decidedly less "on". It also kind of says something that I forget that I'm talking about a dragon here.

Worst Aspect: Rayatar the Last Water Dragon

Alright, this might be a hot take but. Avatar: The Last Air Bender did it better. I can't call it parallel thinking as Raya came out almost a decade after Avatar. The two are playing off of very basic heroes journey style narratives that have existed in human story telling for longer than either show so it's completely unfair to claim that Raya was "ripping off" Avatar, BUT it's also a bit naïve to think that Disney wasn't banking on familiarity to move some product. Disney usually goes after public domain properties and fairy tales we are all vaguely familiar with and that's no accident. There's a clear pattern that people gravitate toward the familiar, it's why franchises won't just die. It's why they can repackage all their animated films into mediocre live action form and sell you the exact same movie over and over again. Even if the plot of Raya didn't have similarities to Avatar, which it does, the marketing certainly was attempting to banking on the beloved animated series.

When Raya was first coming out i saw a lot of people claiming that the fashions and character designs were copying Avatar and guys, that's kind of racist. Both shows are creating fantasy worlds with heavy influences from East and South Asian cultures. There's going to be some things that to a white American eye look pretty homogenous, although I'm sure with a little education are in fact very distinct. So as far as the "look", my only gripe is with the Logo.

Now, all that said. If you do want a show where an American animation company created a lore heavy fantasy world that draws heavy inspiration from Asian history and folklore, where a group of special spiritual individuals were wiped out but one remains and is the only hope of uniting a world populated by nations of people with very basic easy to remember names like "fire, and fang, and heart, and earth", where the chosen one is a goofy pacifist who uses the power of love and spiritual values to pull an impossible victory out of their butt at the last minute, but it still makes you cry and want to be a better person, then I have good news for you. You're spoiled for choice, I'm not gonna say Raya "copied" Avatar, BUT ... Avatar did do that particular story better. It may be a bit unfair, as Avatar had three seasons to do so and Raya had like an hour and a half.

Best Weapon: Shifty Sword

I just like Ranma's sword. I'm gonna use this category when I see an extra cool weapon. Oh man! When I review Flying Guillotine am I really going to have to talk about how bad ass the flying gullotine is?

Rayas weapons is actually not a sword at all but is called the Jade Dragon Keris. A Keris is an asymetrical indonesian dagger, and no it doesn't turn into a whip like in the movie, but it is cool that hers does that. The animators really do some creative things with that.

Summary

Raya is unfortunately shaping up to be one of Disney's forgettable features. I think that's a shame as it's stronger in my opinion than many of the recent films that have come out. But as is the case when Disney does a lot of it's more 'action/adventure' films, audiences seem to largely ignore them. Here's to you Treasure Planet. The good news is those movies do have the most passionate and interesting fans. The appeal is more focused than it is broad, and that's okay. As pointed out above, don't expect Raya to give you anything new, but if this is your kind of story then I'm sure you'll be happy to add it to your collection. There's room enough for lots of these.

Overall Grade: C

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2019, Part I

On one hand, I fear the direction of American cinema, and I feel more personally distracted from great art with each passing day. On the other hand, my viewing was up 5% from last year despite my belief that I’ve gotten choosier. I even approve of most of the films nominated for Best Picture. Are the offerings just top-heavy this year? Are my standards declining? Answering questions like those is part of why I present a paragraph or two on everything I see each year, though I can’t even imagine someone sitting down and reading all of this.

Full disclosure: I haven’t seen Just Mercy, Monos, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Good Boys, Frankie, For Sama, or An Elephant Sitting Still. The tiers, as always, are Garbage, Admirable Failures, Endearing Curiosities with Big Flaws, Pretty Good Movies, Good Movies, Great Movies, and Instant Classics. GARBAGE

129. Cold Pursuit (Hans Petter Moland)- A film professor of mine showed us Wings of Desire and City of Angels, its American remake, in order to show us how a film can technically cover a story while losing the essence that made it special. I can only hope that Hans Petter Moland's Norwegian original is better than his stab at an English language remake, which fails completely at balancing violence and comedy. The movie almost announces its own boredom with the protagonist as it shifts focus first to the villain and then to cops on the case, all of whom have artificial quirks to try to give them life where there isn't any. The Neeson character's journey toward revenge is empty, so the film drifts from him, but it doesn't have anything to say with the other characters either. 128. Domino (Brian De Palma)- Seeking revenge, a Libyan informant roughs up a potential terrorist by throwing him over a restaurant bar. Cut to two cops driving wordlessly. Cut to the Libyan guy dunking the other guy's head in boiling soup. That interruption spells out what the rest of the film does: De Palma could not be less interested in his replacement-level actor's shoddy policework, especially in the self-parody of the last twenty minutes. Any intensity the movie has comes from terrorists (or Guy Pearce over-salting a salad), and then the police drain the momentum. Just make a movie about terrorists, Brian! And, as I've urged you for years, get rid of Pino Donaggio. 127. Beach Bum (Harmony Korine)- Moondog, the spacey, Floridian hedonist poet at the center of the film, is supposed to be "brilliant" and "a good guy" at heart according to his daughter. But at the daughter's wedding, he shakes the hand of her fiance, whom he usually calls "limp-dick," and he says, "What's your name again?" The line got a laugh in my theater, but is it likely that he didn't know the name of his daughter's fiance? Especially if he's a good guy who doesn't hurt people on purpose? It's one example out of a thousand of Harmony Korine making the goofy decision instead of the one that would benefit character or story. I thought that Korine had taken a turn for the lucid with Spring Breakers, but he just isn't interested in making anything consistent enough for me. There's an hour of consequence-free episodes to follow, though I did cherish Jonah Hill's three improvised scenes, for which he tries a sort of Tennessee Williams voice. You can admire how audacious some of the choices are--describing Zac Efron wearing Jncos makes the film sound more fun than it is--but looking at the poster gives you about 70% of what you would get out of the long ninety-five minutes. Yes, McConaughey's shoes are funny, but what else have you got? 126. Fyre Fraud (Jenner Furst, Julia Willoughby Nelson)- Half as good as the Netflix one. Please, by all means, explain to me what a millenial is again. 125. The Kitchen (Andrea Berloff)- One of my mentors stressed that Shakespeare worked in "cultural touchstones," truisms that weren't difficult to prove but served as a sandbox for all of the juicy stuff. So we all know that, say, too much ambition is a bad thing, but having that North Star at all times allows Shakespeare to ply his trade with character development and imagery and symbol. I know that The Kitchen isn't funny or cool or original, but it also doesn't really have an emotional or thematic core. It's a movie with neither the window dressing nor the window. I don't know what I'm getting at, but I watched the last five minutes twice to make sure that it actually was as anti-climactic and inert as I thought.

124. Climax (Gaspar Noe)- Ah, to be a provocateur who has made his best work already and took all of the wrong lessons from it. I don't envy Noe, who insists on formal rigor even when it adds nothing, who goes to greater, more desperate lengths to shock. A third of this film, embedded somewhere between the three openings, is gross young people talking, lewdly and clinically, about whom they want to bone. I thought I started watching French art movies to get away from locker rooms. 123. The Best of Enemies (Robin Bissell)- The supporting cast of Anne Heche, Wes Bentley, and John Gallagher Jr. avail themselves better than the finger-wagging, scenery-chewing leads, but that hardly matters in a movie this fundamentally broken. Apparently no one saw the problem with making a Ku Klux Klan president the dynamic hero of a school integration that he fought against, but that's how the story functions. He's the guy who casts the deciding vote and gives the speech at the end, but it's a bit anti-climactic for an audience that assumes, yeah, the White race is not morally superior to any other race. Congratulations on your realization, buddy. Long before that, Sam Rockwell’s character is inconsistent. Neither the Rockwell performance nor the Robin Bissell script can thread the needle between showing the heinous terrorist that a Klan member is and revealing the depth that foreshadows the character's change. The answer is to show the character being nice to his developmentally disabled son, which, again, doesn't get all the way there. That's cool that you love your own son, but, uh, that has nothing to do with the hatred that made you shoot up a girl's house because she has a Black boyfriend. Of course you can show these contradictions and changes in a character incrementally--lots of good movies have--but this one ain't going on the list. 122. The Intruder (Deon Taylor)- Probably the most two-star movie of the year. Prototypical in its two-starness. Instructive to me as far as what I give two stars. There’s a point of view error in the first twenty minutes that ruined it for me. ADMIRABLE FAILURES 121. Little (Tina Gordon Chism)- We're all good on body swap movies for a while. This one, otherwise undistinguished in its comedy or storytelling, is notable for just how specifically 2019 it might look in a time capsule: Here's a joke about transitioning as we're on our way to our job developing apps; there's a kid doing The Floss and talking to Alexa. Whoops! Bumped into a guy wearing a VR headset! 120. The Kid Who Would Be King (Joe Cornish)- I appreciate that somebody is still making movies for 9-10 year old boys, but I checked out hard and kind of just left this on until it was done. I don't like lore. Much less funny and urgent than Attack the Block, and it's crazy that this is the only project that came together for Joe Cornish in the intervening eight years. 119. Godzilla: King of the Monsters (Michael Dougherty)- Exhausting and joyless in its large-scale destruction, Godzilla: King of the Monsters pitches everything at the same volume, and even the end of the world ends up not mattering as a result. Despite (or maybe because of) the presence of such great actors, the screenplay dilutes the characters by having three fighter pilots or three scientists when all the lines really could have been given to one of these interchangeable figures. That's first draft stuff, homie. Still, Kyle Chandler is kind of awesome as the weathered one shouting about how everyone else is playing God. He reminds me of Larry Fitzgerald toiling away with professionalism on teams that would never sniff the playoffs. 118. Blinded by the Light (Gurinder Chadha)- I made it about twenty minutes into this movie before flipping the switch and making fun of it relentlessly. It tries to strike the heart-on-sleeve authenticity that a Springsteen song does, but if The Boss never overwhelms you with language, almost every line of dialogue in this film spells out what the character is thinking. The overbearing father is especially intolerable: "What is this music? You need to get rid of distractions and focus on getting a good job so that you don't end up a taxi driver. Like me!" I'm only sort of paraphrasing. Blinded by the Light is too well-meaning to be offensive, but it's absurd in its spoon-feeding. LMK, ladies: On the third time that I have headphones in my ears during a conversation with you, and I start buttering you up with lyrics to "Jungleland," will you still love me? 117. Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (David Leitch)- What a summer, huh? The go-for-broke final setpiece redeems the film somewhat, and Vanessa Kirby is a welcome addition to the universe. But Idris Elba's first line, responding to a question about who he is, is "Bad Guy," and the characterization doesn't go too much further. I feel as if I have honed the requisite disposition to enjoy a Fast and Furious movie, but that doesn't mean that the most cliched thing has to happen at the most cliched time in the most cliched way.

116. I Lost My Body (Jeremy Clapin)- Not for me ultimately. The film presents itself as above the tropes of cinematic romance but sure seems to circle around them. Clapin is willing to set up the pins of, say, "I'm actually the pizza delivery guy but have kept it a secret for a year," but he is unwilling to knock the pins down with anything resembling catharsis. I don't know if the French bowl, but feel free to substitute whatever kind of metaphor they might get offended by.

115. The Lion King (Jon Favreau)- I saw the original Lion King when I was ten: old enough to think that Disney movies were beneath me but young enough to know nothing about art or the world. And I remember the way that the songs transcended reality: "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" turning into a Busby Berkeley number, "Be Prepared" taking on an expressionist green tint. It was mass entertainment that was far from experimental, but I remember thinking, "Can you do that?" As an artistic experiment, this remake is kind of confounding, to the point that I don't know whether to classify it as an animated or live-action film. The final scene starts upside down, and your eye adjusts to the idea that you're looking at a reflection in a stream, but that stream is a Caleb Deschanel-aided, computer-generated reflection of a reality. However, I return to my original point: You're missing something if you think The Lion King is a better story if it's more realistic. Capably made as The Lion King 2019 is, no one is referencing 42nd Street. These Disney remakes just reference themselves. 114. Stuber (Michael Dowse)- The critical community has been pretty forgiving of Stuber; I guess because it's a type of studio film that used to be common but now is not. Judged on its own merits, however, it's labored. The screenplay circles around questions of masculinity, but not in a way that hasn't been done better in other recent comedies. Perhaps most disappointing of all, I've seen Iko Uwais and Bautista fight before, and it looked a whole lot cooler than the way they're sliced and diced here. The ending's sweet at least. 113. After the Wedding (Bart Freundlich)- Think of what Julianne Moore could have accomplished in the time it took in her career for her to shoot four crappy movies with her husband. This is the type of melodrama that makes more sense after all of the revelations have cleared the air, but that doesn't mean the preceding hour and a half was any more fun because of the aftermath. 112. The Goldfinch (John Crowley)- One day someone's going to figure out how to coherently adapt a Dickensian novel and actually do that thing Crowley is trying to do: condensing two hundred pages of back story into 1/8th of a page here or a line there. Somebody's going to be able to figure out the little moments that are important and the big moments that aren't. And you'll all be sorry. The movie is ultimately hampered by the bad ending of the novel, in which a person who isn't a mystery writer has to solve a mystery. Perfect casting for Luke Wilson though. He definitely looks like a whiskey-faced dad who would steal your social security number. 111. The Souvenir (Joanna Hogg)- This movie is autobiographical. The protagonist has the same initials as Joanna Hogg, and she's attending film school at the same time Hogg did. But what a self-own it is for your hero, based on you, to be this inexpressive and restrained and deferential. The film is mostly about a cold romantic relationship--and I guess what the character learns through that experience--but when her beau's friend asks what she sees in him, she can't really say. Neither can the audience. I guess it's a skill to write a scene in which a family is having an argument that is so clenched-jaw reticent that the viewer can't even discern the topic of conversation for a few minutes, but it's not a skill I appreciate. 110. The Dead Don’t Die (Jim Jarmusch)- Jim Jarmusch must be a very good friend.

109. Velvet Buzzsaw (Dan Gilroy)- If the film were funny, I wouldn't mind the lack of narrative drive. If the film had narrative drive, I wouldn't mind the lack of atmosphere--glaring for a film that circles around to horror eventually. If the film had more to say, I wouldn't mind how pedantically it says it. If the protagonist's change of heart made sense, then I wouldn't mind that his conversion apparently happens off-screen. At least most of the actors seem to be having fun. I wasn't. 108. It: Chapter Two (Andy Muschietti)- I started squirming in my seat during a sequence somewhere in the circuitous second hour. Bill sees his old bike in an antiques window, haggles with a Stephen King shopkeeper cameo, and finishes the scene on a triumphant note, believing that his old bike will ride like the wind. Cut to the bike falling apart on the road, deflating his pride with comedy. Cut to a flashback of him riding the bike with young Beverly, serene and warm. Cut to him riding the bike again with determination until he stops, terrified. Within fifteen seconds, the film jerks us into four divergent emotions at a whim. The overall tone felt just as arbitrary to me, and that's before we get to the always-unclear line between fantasy and reality. And this time, the flashbacks of each young character's encounters with Pennywise are less scary because we know they all live into the present. Andy Muschietti just does not have a light enough touch to make this movie work.The last forty-five minutes are interminable. But I had all the same gripes with the first chapter, so personal taste is a factor. 107. Trial by Fire (Edward Zwick)- Perfect example of a true story that could use some poetic justice. I don't want to give away anything that the first line of the imdb summary doesn't already, but this ending could have been much more satisfying by changing one or two lines. This is a movie that recreates, multiple times, babies burning alive, but the ending is somehow more punishing. It's also one of those films that should have just begun at the halfway point. If we can praise special effects when they're done well, then they should be fair game when they're this embarrassing. Zwick definitely put his flash drive into the Lifetime computers for fire.exe.

[generationphotoandgift]

Wedding: October 7, 2017

Ceremony: Timberhouse at Rolling Acres Country Club, Beaver Falls, PA  

Reception: Timberhouse at Rolling Acres Country Club, Beaver Falls, PA

Hair: Samantha Horne from Christine’s Salon and Spa in Hopewell

Makeup: Jessica Olsavsky

Florist: EcoFlowers

Bakery: Family Friends

Entertainment: Tim Cain from JL Entertainment

Colors: Plum and Gray

Honeymoon: Riviera Maya, Cancun, Mexico.

Let me just start this blog post by saying that sometimes the stars align, you meet someone that brings you joy, they enrich your lives and will forever hold  a special place in your heart. While there is no doubt that Theresa and Nate have this but here, I am talking about my relationship with this couple. Theresa is truly one of the sweetest, most hard working individuals that I have ever met and she can no longer be called a client, I knew this, I felt this about 5 minutes into meeting her…she is my friend and I treasure her.

Our day started at Theresa’s sisters home with pre-ceremony coverage, where I truly believe that I witnessed a family dynamic that is unparalleled on so many levels. The entire family gets along so well and it made everything run so smoothly that we were able to leave and arrive at the Timberhouse to continue the getting ready photos. Once we completed the pre-ceremony coverage with Theresa complete with photos of her very soon to be in laws, we proceeded to another area to get photos of Nate and his family and groomsmen.

I have met Nate a few times but the stunning woman that is his mother has got to be the reason to which I had the honor of photographing Theresa and Nate’s wedding. Nate’s mother, Susan AKA Sue is so sweet and a long time friend of ours. She is an amazing chocolatier and the owner, operator of Noland Chocolates. Seriously, if you have not tried her chocolates, they are a must! They are so delicious and creamy and the take away box that Theresa and Nate packed up for me at the end of the night seriously saved my sanity of the weeks following their wedding haha. October is always a crazy month for me with several, always popular October weddings and my amazing daughter Addison’s birthday is on Halloween, which since she was born has become a month long celebration with Pumpkin Festivals and Fall farm visits all month long.  But truly Sue Noland’s chocolates are amazing and I insist you try them I promise you won’t be disappointed!

FAVORITE MOMENT OF THE DAY: Pre-ceremony…who knew that it could or would happen so soon! Theresa and Nate’s only photo request was that we capture their prayer prior to the ceremony. You will see tons of wedding samples on Pinterest that have a photo of the bride and groom on either side of the door, to preserve that precious first moment of seeing each other as being that moment that she walks down the aisle but this, this was different. These two are starting their lives together is the best way, they are putting God first! A marriage requires three people for it to be whole, to be successful, for it to be long lasting and true. Those three people are a bride, a groom and God.  These two…they just get it!

We had gorgeous 82 degree weather and the Timberhouse steps set the stage for this amazing couple to get married. The ceremony had all the perfect elements to unite these two, there was family, friends, laughter, tears, pure joy and excitement!

Following the ceremony we use those same steps for family photographs, I LOVE how you can see the reflection of the gorgeous fall trees in the reflection above that window, immediately followed, by bridal party and bride and groom portraits. This Rolling Acres Golf Course and Timberhouse have so many options for photography that we just simply walked across the street to capture all those special moments.

After heading in to the reception, they made quick work of the first dance, toasts and blessing. Now in talking with the couple they expressed extreme interest in sunset photos, based on our timeline that sun was going to set right in the middle of dinner, while I wouldn’t normally interrupt a couples dinner for photos,  let’s be honest, we need that break for food as well, but Theresa said to come get her and we will go.  So we hit up the buffet line after immediate family, scarfed our food and got back to work. Boy o Boy am I glad we did! The sunset portraits are definitely my favorites, the sky was fairly clear and the colors are spectacular. I also LOVE getting that photo on the front steps of the Timberhouse with the warm ambient light indoors contrasting with the cool twilight sky outdoors.  I feel these moments are essential to a successful wedding; it gives the couple a moment to calm down, regroup and realize just how quickly this day is flying by and to really savor the moment of THEIR day!

Following dinner we started the dancing off with parents dances. Theresa and her father, followed by Nate and Sue and in quick succession was Theresa and her step father, bridal party and open dance floor. Open dance floor, there wasn’t an open space on that dance floor that wasn’t being occupied but a guest dancing the night away! Everyone was having so much fun and it was a blessing for us to capture all the love in that room. Speaking of love and it may just be my second favorite moment of the day, let’s talk about Nate’s dad Pat and his mad dancing skills, now I don’t want to call myself judgmental but maybe I just happen to lump all men into a category of non-dancers and bad dancers LOL.  I see a lot of my dad’s “type” in Pat, strong, hardworking, amazing providers and fantastic fathers…but my Dad will slow dance with my mom but that is 100% absolutely it, my Dad would never even consider “fast” dancing on the dance floor! I truthfully don’t know why I do this judgment, my husband is a dancer, he’s quite good also, he has good rhythm and doesn’t look goofy at all. I just never in a million years expected that from Pat, to the point where my husband was jealous and taking notes haha. Kidding of course, but it was one of those moments where I thought to myself, everyone should have video at their weddings because this is fantastic! Theresa, please tell me someone, anyone captured this!

We left shortly after the garter and bouquet but not before hugging and congratulating my dear friends Theresa and Nate. That’s when Theresa asked if WE could get a picture together, I don’t get very often but once in a while and let me just say, its super sweet and I treasure it each time it does happen, it really shows me that I have made some sort of impact on this bride, I am appreciated and an important part of their day. While I HATE having my photo taken just as much as nearly every groom I encounter, which is why I am behind it haha.

I will forever treasure Theresa and Nate, as clients whom I was honored to photograph on their wedding day, but more importantly I am blessed to call them friends. We made a promise on her wedding day that just because the wedding day was “over” that we would remain friends and stay in touch, I intend to keep that promise because I made a vow many years ago to surround myself with kindness, with people who have good values and integrity, people who love the Lord and recognize their blessings as much as I do and those who just simply make me feel good.

These are the Hands

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.

These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.

These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

[techouspeaks]

Classic Reviews: Ruby Gloom

I take a look at the bright side of the dark side as I review Ruby Gloom!

I was gonna do other things. In fact, I was going to go swimming today but decided to just chill out. Since I have been watching the show lately I decided, “Hell with it! I’ll give my thoughts about!” Before we do, I’ll go ahead and explain what Ruby Gloom is about. It was a Canadian show back in 2006, based on a apparel franchise of the same name. The franchise mainly revolved around this goth girl name Ruby Gloom.

Ironically the clothing had Ruby as well a typical goth girl. She’s kinda mopey, doesn’t smile that much but with a cute edge to it. Sorta like how Monster High started out. Creepy but with a cute, fashionable edge to appeal to young girls. Sometimes the apparel would also include her love interest Skull Boy, which was another early character that would show up in the series and of course, her black cat, Doom Kitty.

The most ironic part is that in the actual show, Ruby is anything but depressing and mopey!  She’s actually the exact opposite. She’s kind and constantly optimistic, always “looking at the bright side of the dark side”. 

The show itself is just random episodes  that you pretty much can switch around any order, with only the exception of episodes that may introduce characters like Boo Boo or Mr.Buns and of course, season finally episodes that string into two parters. The episodes are of Ruby and her friends, usually focusing on particular friend for that episode, with Ruby just trying to help them, if she shows up at all. Yeah, there’s actually times where she may not show up despite being the title character. Other times, they may have a special guest character that may show up in later episodes and the episode will focus on them.

The characters are pretty likable and they’re all unique enough to stand out on their own. You have Iris who is a cyclops girl that’s energetic and constantly getting into trouble or at times, endangering the other characters. Though, she doesn’t do it on purpose. She’s just adventurous and naive. Misery, who is often a favorite among fans, that as her name suggests is constantly miserable because bad things constantly happen to her. She gets struck by lightning, gets terrible illnesses but at the same time there’s a charm and they poke fun of it. She even helped her friends survive Friday the 13th. The only day when nothing bad happens to her, but at the price, bad stuff happens to her friends. And how she kinda misses the misery because she’s grown so accustom to it.

Poe is kinda annoying and if you took him out, I wouldn’t miss him all that much. He’s not bad. He’s just not as interesting as the other characters and he kinda plays a part of the show I don’t like or don’t think works, which I will get to in a sec. Also, I don’t think I recall any episode where Poe was actually useful, a side from pushing Skull Boy into acting as a love heroic towards Ruby.

Scaredy Bat is adorable! I dunno if his accent is offensive or not. I didn’t have an issue but with people’s sensitivities these days, I dunno. I didn’t find him bad. He can be kinda annoying but he’s not anywhere near annoying as Poe is and he does actually do more than Poe does. That and I just love bats especially shown a bit more positive. (For the most part, aside from the accent, I guess.)

Frank and Len, who are two brothers that are basically conjoined twins. They share one body and aren’t the brightest of the bunch, with Frank being a little smarter than Len. They often get into trouble. Sometimes their trouble will be the main focus, but more often then not, they’re usually a side gag to keep the episode a bit more light hearted during dramatic or less actiony times.  They’re not exactly my favorite but I stomach them okay. They get a chuckle out of me once in a while. 

Then you have Skull Boy, who is my favorite character. He’s a jack of all trades, mainly because he wants to find out who is his family. He doesn’t know where he comes from and I really had wish they did an episode about how Ruby and the gang meet him. In fact, shoot, that would have been the most interesting of all the episodes. How they all meet! You kinda feel for Skull Boy because you do seem to wonder if he lost all his memories, including of his family when either he died or if skeletons in this world are born? They kinda establish he’s dead but when a character nearly does die, they shocked by it so it kinda makes you wonder if skeletons and ghosts are another race or are they dead people in this world?

In terms of personality, I like how laid back and down to earth he is. He’s adventurous and his inventions will cause problems when he’s the center focus of the episode, but it doesn’t take long to get him grounded and there’s kinda naive and most of all innocence to him. You can tell why he’s called a “boy” and not a man because he’s just so innocent, sweet and curious. I also love his voice too. I think the actor does a pretty good job capturing his personality.

And yes, I’m one of those fans that ship him with Ruby a lot. They’re just so sweet and again innocent. There’s nothing sexual or dirty about it. It’s just a cute crush but they have great chemistry  and you can tell the feeling is mutual, even when they don’t admit up front about it. They get close to it in some episodes but it’s brushed off quick. Which I think is best because that’s not what the series is about. It’s about good friends, solving problems and living or in some ways, unliving their unlife. 

Ruby, last but not least is a likable character. I like how she is cheerful but she does have her limits and again, like Skull Boy, in fact a bit more than Skull Boy, she’s really grounded. Cheerful but calm. She’s helpful but sometimes she does get out of hand in it. She doesn’t usually push her way into things and knows when to back off and let her friends handle the situation, if they insist. Doom Kitty is also nice too and I like how she doesn’t talk but clearly can tell what she’s trying to say. I like it when shows do that. It’s very clever. 

Now there are problems as you can imagine and yeah, they are distracting problems. One does have to do with Skull Boy, mainly with his accents. When he does an accent it’s just so cringe worthy. I know that it’s suppose to be written as funny but I dunno. I don’t find it offensive, I just find that they’re trying way too hard to make him funny, when he doesn’t need to be. You got Frank, Len, Iris and Misery as kinda comedic reliefs. At the same time, I guess its because if he wasn’t trying to be funny, he would either just be a typical cool guy that’s talented or just be another Ruby with opposite being less feminine and more boyish. I dunno, I just wish they had lost the accents and tried something that wasn’t trying too hard to make him funny.

And that’s the main issue I have with this series is that sometimes it does try a little hard to wink at the kids and be a little over the top goofy. I don’t expect the series to be serious, but more so do it to where it’s not so cringe worthy obvious. You can do comedy in a kid’s cartoon well and the comedy in this is just not for me, I guess. Aside from Misery’s dry humor.

Then again, that’s mostly a nitpick. It’s a very distracting nitpick but a nitpick none the less. The series does have good and welcoming characters, the adventures they get into are interesting. The animation is pretty good for old flash animation and I like some of the steampunk and goth themes they put into it. There is some good stuff and the distracting stuff doesn’t keep me from liking the show. If anything, I’ll watch or skip a little bit of it just to get to the parts that are really that good. 

It’s a good series with lovable characters. It’s not perfect but it doesn’t need to be. It’s just a fun misadventures with great characters.  I rate this series a good 7 1/2 Stars out of 10. Visit the dark side to see the bright side for yourself!

7 1/2 Stars

Level: Great!

Also, what is with Skull Boy’s design in the merchandise? Do they just don’t like drawing him like how he is in the series? He just looks so weird! They draw the other characters like how they are in the series.

[slothcritic]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power - Episode 5 Review

The episode features boats. And two new amazing characters!

With the Flower Power Princess in their alliance, Brightmoon now turns to the sea in the hopes of recruiting Netflix’s Ariel, the Little Mermaid, to their side. 

However, as expected of a mermaid, she lives in the ocean. This means that the wonder trio is in serious need of an experienced sea captain if they want to rock that boat.

The Queen explicitly requests no violence or collateral damage, so I get the feeling we all know how that’s going to pan out.

I feel like I’m slowly falling in love with Adora’s puffy-shoulders overcoat. I’m sure there’s an actual fashion name or term for that. But it looks cool.

When the wonder trio enters the briny fishy bar, they meet some rough looking characters, and at one point Beau’s voice breaks. Like the voice actor delivers a line and the voice just pitches through the ceiling. But you know, I think that really fits his character, so that’s probably why they left it in.

Among all the bruisers and rough-housing animal and fish people, we’re introduced to a suave, majestic debonair of a daredevil that looks like the offspring of Miguel from The Road to El Dorado and Varrick from The Legend of Korra. And boy howdy does the attitude match the appearance. 

He is exactly what they’re looking for, but he is not cheap, even by royal treasury standards. I can’t remember who it was, whether it was Glimmer, Beau, Adora or even Seahawk himself, but someone challenges someone to arm wrestle, and Adora squares up against this smooth talking snake-oil seas-man.

Right here, I wanted her to go She-Ra and just destroy him, but turns out she doesn’t even need the power-up and flexes on him without issue. 

Seahawk stammers and stumbles over his words for a moment before agreeing to help, and we get our first glimpse at the idea that Seahawk may not be all he claims to be.

Back at the danger zone, Demontwister is still extremely buttrumpled over Adora up and leaving, and sends Catra to dispatch her. After some back and forth sass, Deathwalker informs her that she will not be going alone. A massive, imposing shadow looms over Catra, and we see a pair of massive lobster claws emerge from the shadows...

Right before they hug her. This is Scorpia. She has lobster arms. Well, scorpion arms, because her name is Scorpia. That’s pretty cool. 

Scorpia, as it turns out, is an absolute delight of a character. They managed to make a zany, endearing character without making them “lul sO rAndOm!!” and her antics drive Catra up the wall. Catra is now the straight man in this duo, and this is a great change of pace from being the wild card to Adora’s straight man. It also doesn’t help that, hey, they’re also on a boat! And Catra, being part cat, hates water.

We’re sailing, sailing, sailing on the ocean blue. Seahawk almost sings a shanty several times, but keeps getting cut off for one reason or another. However, when he finally does pull it off, Beau is there to back him up with the violin.

Beau is really just the flow with it, be everyone’s friend character. Though considering this goofy scene more, I hope we see more out of Beau as a character than just being the amicable comedy relief and voice of reason. Some substance to his personality would be nice. It’s very easy to write the virtuous, pure of heart, yada yada character. It’s not an issue yet, after all we’re still only at Episode 5, I just have high hopes and expectations for his character development.

We’re here! No we’re not! It’s a sea serpent. Adora turns on the spotlights and dives bravado-first into the ocean to kill it. Bye She-Ra!

The more watch this show, the more I like its art style. I found it very pretty just in the first episode, but the longer I pay attention to how it’s drawn and how the animators move the characters, the more I just appreciate looking at it. It feels unique, but also refined, focused and not too dramatically exaggerated.

Granted, it’s still very basic. The drawings are simple and the art style lends itself to being quickly and easily animated. It’s not a master class of animation or anything, and the art style isn’t completely breathtaking, after all it’s mostly flat colors with limited shading, but I still like it because they were able to take something basic and present it with a neat bow on it. Perhaps I’ve just got Star Vs The Force of Evil and Steven Universe on the brain but this style just looks so much better than those. Maybe if I watched something else, like a bunch of Studio Ghibli movies right before diving into this, I’d have a much harsher opinion of the art in this series. But for a campy Saturday morning kids cartoon, I like it and I find it’s growing on me.

The wonder trio meets the water queen, a very no-nonsense, serious and drol woman. Seahawk, ever the extroverted and dramatic goofball, is madly infatuated with her. The clash here leaves a lot to be questioned. Princess Waterlily actually has the more interesting half of the relationship here. It’s not your typical, plastic writing for your everyday tsundere because it seems like a lot of the time she genuinely dislikes him. But certain situations leave her exasperated to explain why she’s still hanging out with him. It’s nothing explicitly stated, or inferred through omission, or even spoon fed to the viewers through contrarian yet obvious tropes, but more in the idea that they just keep showing up together for SOME reason.

Anyways, the crux of this episode is pretty much the same as the last. Go to new ally, use She-Ra powers to save them, they’re happy and join the Brightmoon alliance. Huzzah. Now, since the barrier is weak and on the verge of just breaking all together, all She-Ra has to do is save the damsel in distress and-- 

Ah, yes, this trope again.

It draws into question how useful these princesses might be to Brightmoon if they’re so inept on their own. Like, I know we’re gearing up for some Princess Battle Royale at some point in the future. That’s being telegraphed years in advance. I’m sure the princesses will kick ass when that happens, and it’ll be awesome. But are they just sitting on their hands right now, waiting for She-Ra or even just The Plot to come save them from their helpless predicaments? Isn’t Lady In The Lake badass enough on her own to be able to do something at all about her current situation? Anything at all? No?

Putting that aside for now, it goes without saying that wherever the main characters go, the horde is not far behind. Catra and Scorpia have a ship, which I’m certain has no innuendo, and any further shanties have been hereby banned. Beau boards the ship with ye old faithful CareBear bow, and of course Kyle gets shot.

While this scene plays out, Glimmer turns to Seahawk for his assistance and asks him to do the one thing he’s actually good at.

“Set your ship on fire!”

He gladly obliges and they kamikaze that son of a bitch right into the other player’s battleship. Don’t ask me why a flaming wooden dinky can completely sink a floating metal tank. Maybe that’s Seahawk’s special princess power.

During all of this She-Ra and Catra have been having some incredible sexual tension on the floating platform, where the shining goddess is attempting to use the power of magic and harmony and friendship or whatever to fix the rapidly eroding magical barrier around Misty’s Splash Mountain.

With the apparent defeat of a the horde for now, Catra just... backs off I guess. And they just let them.

Little Miss Seaworld is understandable thrilled that the wonder trio and yes even Seahawk have saved her kingdom, in her own lowkey and monotone way, and grudgingly thanks Seahawk for his contributions. As thanks, her butler provides a new ship for Seahawk, christening it with a bottle of wine and everything. 

“Try not to burn this one down too.”

“No promises!”

With that, we have Seahawk and Murmista joining the party!

Conclusion

Seahawk and Scorpia are amazing. This episode is in very good fun and the new characters provide some great humor. The last four episodes were a little slow to the punch, but I found it hard to find something to dislike about this episode. The forced helplessness of the princesses here is a little off-kilter but it didn’t seem off-pace for the series and only started to bug me when I really thought about it. Initial first viewing it damn near flew over my head.

If I had to nitpick beyond that, I don’t feel like they leaned into Seahawk’s character enough. Don’t get me wrong, he’s great, but I feel like he could’ve been better if they had committed more into him instead of keeping his personality light like La Croix. It is the first episode he appears in so I’m sure there’s more to him that we’ll discover, but it’s hard to say he isn’t a little one-dimensional in this specific episode. Just an endearing goofball with no real depth beyond comic relief. Scorpia on the other hand seems to have more potential at least from the outset. She appears to have a more diverse personality but we don’t get to see too much of it here.

Now, it would be fair to say that I’m basing almost my entire judgement of this episode upon the shoulders of two very campy new characters, and that would be an accurate assessment. It’s important to note that the primary purpose of a show like this must always be entertainment. You need to be entertained to want to keep watching. That can either be done through a gripping plot, tension, character development, emotional investment, or just through goofy, hilarious hijinks. At Episode 5, we’re too early into the series for pretty much anything on that list except for the last one.

This has also cinched that little itch in my back for me about “not being quite sold on the series yet” - Up to this point, it had simply been a point of curiosity, but now I feel like I actively want to keep watching just to see how these characters develop and what happens to them as the story unfolds.

Score: 75

Passing Thoughts

“Go fish” says the fishy dude.