#//and he WILL fight tooth and nail to keep the life hes fought like hell to achieve even if it feels weird to him

[mechahero]

//yes lambda is a murderer a vigilante/superhero and just some guy

[kettlefire]

Ember & the Dark Knight

She just wanted her guitar back. That's all Ember wanted, she needed it. The growing pain inside grew the longer she was away from it.

Her only outlet. The only thing that helped her. In every way of the word. She had to fight tooth and nail to be allowed to keep it in the first place.

Promised she's never use it against the living again. Never try to brainwash anyone.

Then she lost it. Just like that. Flying through the Zone, and a particularly harsh natural portal ripped it from her grasp.

It's the only reason she was in this godforsaken city. It reeked of anguish and pain, and Ember just wanted to get out of there.

Something about the place the portal spit her out into, just didn't sit right with her. She wanted in and out of quickly as possible.

To just get back home in the Zone. Back to Skulker.

Except there just had to be a really weird guy in burlap sack mask. Which was weird enough as is, but hey Ember wasn't one to judge.

She tried to be civil. To ask for her guitar back. Her baby that the man had clutched in his grasps.

Maybe she should have seen it coming. This place had to be stranger than Amity. The man barely even flinched when he saw her glowing form.

Ember expected a fight okay. That was it, just a fight and then she can take her things and get the hell out of dodge.

But it couldn't be that easy. Of course it couldn't be.

Because then a large man in a black armor suit just had to come falling down from the ceiling. And of course the human man seemed to scare the weird Scarecrow guy.

Ember tried to be calm again. She really did, she promised the little dipstick that she's work on her anger.

That was until she got a burst of green gas into her face.

It was almost comical. The way she swatted the gas away from her face with a slight cough. Glaring at Scarecrow and Batman. As she found out the dude in the furry suit was called.

Scarecrow seemed excited, like he couldn't wait to see what happened. But Ember noticed Batman tense. Weapons on hand, and ready for what to come. Leaving her in a full confusion.

Then it happened. Whatever that gas was finally kicked in.

And everything was on fire.

She couldn't breath. Oh god, she couldn't breath. Heat radiated from the walls, and the two men just faded from her focus.

She needed to get out.

And she tried. She tried, even as her no longer functioning lungs seemed to ache for air.

Even as her core seemed to mimic a heart. Straining, and pounding against the fear, panic, and pain she felt.

But Ember tried to suck it up. Pull away from the licking heat of the flames. Forcing her way through the warehouse.

Looking for an exit. An escape. Anyway to get her way back home. To get back to Skulker.

At this point, Ember didn't care about her guitar anymore. It could burn for all she cared. She just wanted to get back to her love.

All that fight she felt faded away in an instant. Zapping out of her the moment her eyes landed on him.

Skulker, the love of her life, was there.

Trapped in the flames before her. The metal of his suit twisting and warping. Damn near melting beneath the intense heat.

A pain Ember wouldn't would even wish on her worse enemy. She knew what it felt like to burn. It felt like she was dying watching it happen to Skulker.

She stared wide eyed and frozen as the twisted and broken Skulker tried to stagger towards her. Broken sounds and choked screams leaving him as his suit fell apart. As the fire began to take over.

Ember fell to her knees, tears streaming down her face and pain tearing at her heart. She couldn't breath. She didn't need to but she felt like she was suffocating.

Then she screamed.

The first sound she made since this nightmare began. Reverberating through her chest, tearing out from her vocal cords in a damn near painful sound.

She wasn't sure when she had closed her eyes. But before she knew it, there were hands on her shoulder. And she fought back. Tried to shove the hands off her. Too panicked to even think of her powers.

She was terrified of what she'll see. A twisted and melting Skulker pulling her closer the fire. The only image her brain could fathom for the reason of the too warm hands grasping at her arms.

Ember heard it. Barely there behind the loud roar of the fire, and the still broken cries of her lover. It was a voice.

A normal voice. A concerned voice.

It took all her willpower to pull her eyelids open. Prepared to see the worse of the worse. Except it wasn't like that.

The fire seemed like an overlay. A horrible projection of something that wasn't there. Expect him. He was real. Ember knew it, because he was there when the nightmare started.

The man in the suit. The Batman.

His gloved hands were trying to pull her back to reality. Pull her away from the nightmare.

"Look at me. It's not real."

Those words, spoken in the gruff and deep almost robotic voice was what did it for her.

Almost in an instance, it was all gone. She was seated on a perfect fine, and not burning warehouse floor. Tears burning her eyes, chest in complete pain, as her core rocked with the experience.

Ember didn't know why she did it. Maybe she just need to feel comforted. Like a child after a nightmare, she latched onto the man.

The man that pulled her out of this nightmare. Both residual fear and panic, paired with overwhelming relief flooded her.

Because she gets to go home. Back to Skulker. Back to the Zone. She even gets to see that little dipstick again.

[skepsiss]

Tooth and Nail -pt1- Steddie

You asked for it @strangersteddierthings it uhh...... hurts a lot at the end. Probably have to do a part 2... or more.

Uuhh, it's kinda sad guys. Prompt was to write something where Eddie is the one that is in denial about his queer-ness and Steve is the one who makes him question his sexual identity. Full request here.

14A ish rating. TW: Miscommunication, denial, mild homophobia, suggestion of past trauma (child abuse), use of drugs (weed), mild physical aggression, the f-slur (not spoken to anyone), self-hatred.

PT1 PT2 PT3

---

Eddie Munson was a freak. He’d been labeled as such since he was a little boy with a teen mom who ended up marrying the asshole who got her pregnant. He was a freak when his mother left and a freak when his father went to jail; how no boy who lived that kind of life was normal by any stretch of the word.

It only got worse from there as he got older. A freak for being poor, a freak for having long hair, being a nerd, a metalhead, trailer-trash, drop out–the list went on and on. Eddie had also gotten good at being a freak. He got good at wearing it like armor so people were scared of him instead of just judgemental. He wanted those insults said to his face, not whispered behind his back and no way in hell was he going to take it lying down. It didn’t make things easy, but it was how you coped.

So, why? Why would he give himself another reason to be labeled a freak? 

Eddie would fight tooth and nail for any freak or weirdo he managed to befriend. It didn’t matter if you were fat, ugly, smart, dorky, a boy or a girl. It didn’t matter what blend or flavour you happened to be–even if Eddie was partial to the nerds and musicians–you were family as soon as you walked into Hawkins High. Once you were a freak you stayed a freak and it came with Eddie Munson as a perk.

As long as he lived. As long as he was in Hawkins. 

It wasn’t surprising to Eddie when he found out Will Byers was gay. He had seen it on him as soon as the boy’s missing poster went up and the subsequent reunion happened. He had never really gotten to know Jonathan–he was a weirdo, but not one that apparently liked Eddie’s flavour–but he, much like the rest of Hawkins, had breathed a sigh of relief was Will was delivered home. It was under weird circumstances and Eddie didn’t know much about middle schoolers, but he knew a freak when he saw one. Will was a nerd and he was gay which meant he was premo-meat to be fried by the masses.

If they were in school, if Will came back to Hawkins and Eddie was there he would have fought for him. It didn’t matter if he was gay because freaks and weirdos stuck together no matter the flavour. So when he found out Robin was gay he felt much the same. He didn’t have anything against queer folk and honestly, he saw them as being in a similar boat as him. He’d embrace someone who was gay way before he’d embrace someone who was Christian–even though he was neither of those things. 

Eddie had no love for the church and apparently, all the ‘f-words’ were all damned to hell so they might as well make it a party. Seemed like all the interesting people were hell-bound. 

Their little collective. Family. A regular bunch of Addams. 

So, why would he give himself another reason to be labeled a freak?

Eddie had been called everything under the sun as far as insults went. He was no stranger to ’bigot’  or ’devil’, ’sinner’ or ’faggot’. You learned not to react or give them a reason to keep poking. You learned not to take it seriously or let it chink your armor. None of it had to be true and denying it wouldn’t help, you just learned to _ignore_ it and tell yourself that they didn’t know you and their insults didn’t mean anything. Surround yourself with people that either love you or respect you and you’re golden. Listen to them, take their opinions, be yourself, and embrace your flavour.

When Steve came out as queer though, Eddie had no clue what to do. The idea that he would claim that label was beyond Eddie’s understanding especially since he hadn’t seen that confession coming from Steve of all people. He was a weirdo by proxy but… No, the thing that really bothered Eddie about that was his reaction. When he found out Robin and Will were as gay as they came he had gone out of his way to make sure they knew he didn’t have a problem with it. He made sure they felt like they were family and if everyone else ditched Eddie wouldn’t. 

Tooth and nail. Tooth and nail. 

But when Steve came out? Eddie had been shocked, for one thing, and secondly, he had felt his stomach drop out. Panic had flooded him and he was thankful that he wasn’t the only one in the room when it was said.

He had put an arm around Will and jostled him affectionately. He had cracked a joke and smiled at Robin before privately telling her that if she needed anything he was there. He had felt those reactions so naturally almost as if Will and Robin were just telling them all what college they’d be going to. Cool, doesn’t change a thing. Let me know if you need any help with stuff. Easy. Steve though? Steve…

While everyone else in their casual setting seemed to be nodding or not making a fuss–most of them used to this kind of thing by now–Eddie sat there petrified. What did he say? What did he do? Steve wasn’t some kid Eddie could rib and force into an affectionate headlock. He wasn’t a chick he could pretend to posture for so she felt like he had her back. He was… Steve.

Eddie had left that night feeling out of sorts. He hadn’t spoken to Steve and his subdued interaction was pointed out by anyone, but Eddie hadn’t left their little gathering feeling subdued at all. Outwardly maybe, but internally his mind had been locked in place over Steve saying I think I’m bisexual.

Okay… so what? Same as anyone else, right? Queer, whatever–certified freak, cool–so why was he twisted up about it?

Eddie had been spending a lot of time with Steve over the last few months and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he actually liked his company. Steve was sarcastic and charming and a little bit of a bitch but it just made joking around with him easier. Once they had bridged the gap between ‘nerd shit’ and ‘jock shit’ it became easy to spend time with Steve. Eddie had watched Steve relax around him which literally looked like his body relaxing. You wouldn’t know it right away, but Steve was tense when he wasn’t comfortable around you: arms crossed, brows pinched, shoulders tight, jaw locked, and stance controlled. All of that fell away once he settled down and it was easy to be around him then. Eddie had actually enjoyed seeing the process of Steve relaxing around him as they played the NES with Dustin or sat outside and shared a joint without the rest of the goodies-goodies knowing.

He enjoyed Steve’s company, so what was he worried about? Was he scared Steve would come onto him? That was presumptuous of him and probably rude. He wasn’t scared of Will getting a crush on him or any other obviously gay guy he had seen at shows and bars. He’d even turned guys down which always seemed to embarrass them a bit and Eddie hated that he saw a flash of fear in their eyes when he told them he was straight. He always made sure to end the conversation with It’s cool, man. Don’t worry about it and then smile to show he meant no harm.

He liked queer folk. They were family. Why was Steve different? 

Eddie’s brain was stuck in fast-forward all night once he got home. He hated it when his brain did that to him. Every image flashed through his brain at supersonic speed and he couldn’t focus on anything. It was exhausting and frustrating and it literally felt like his mind was racing. The only thing that helped was imagining the sprawling darkness of space and slowly… very slowly… adding little pinpricks of light to the image. He had to force himself to slow down and from the outside, he knew it looked like he wasn’t doing anything. It looked like he was being lazy, but in reality, all the energy he usually exuded had just become internalized. 

He’d tell Steve it was fine. He’d made sure Steve knew he always had his support. That was what he was supposed to do. That was what he did for everyone else.

But when it happened–when he got his chance to have an aside with Steve–his gut had pulled and his tongue had gotten caught between his teeth. It happened the second time he tried too, and the third, and the fourth–each time he tried to talk to Steve one-on-one he clammed up. It was maddening really and Eddie had started to notice that Steve was suspicious of him–and not in a good way. 

The fifth time was different. The fifth time was worse. 

They had all been celebrating Max’s return home and as the kids got loud and the sun set it felt like one of those nights where Eddie just didn’t have the energy to be around this many people. He loved socializing–he loved the party–but sometimes it just became too much he could feel his mind drifting away from the scene.

Eddie had started his drift before looking up and catching Steve’s eye across the room. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and as he flicked his gaze up he slowly raised his hand to his mouth and mimed smoking. It didn’t take a genius to know what that meant and Eddie raised his brow in agreement before slinking away.

“I don’t have any on me,” Eddie explained as they stepped out into the dark, “but I’ve got some at home.”

His trailer was only a stone’s throw away from Max’s place so it wasn’t really a big deal. Weed sounded like a good idea too; he could smoke and bring him back to earth and maybe it would settle his nerves enough to properly talk to Steve. He _wanted_ to talk to Steve.

“We going to smoke here?” Steve asked as he followed Eddie inside the trailer. Wayne was out and Eddie didn’t have any qualms about Steve coming over to his place.

“Sure, might as well so the impressionable young children,” Eddie mocked, using a stuffy, posh voice, “don’t get tempted by our bad influence.”

He snickered as he touched his own chest, extending his hand skyward and acting as if he were delivering a Shakespearean speech. 

“Ms. Languard, is that you?” Steve mocked back, shoving Eddie’s shoulder so he’d continue his walk towards his bedroom. 

Eddie laughed again and stumbled down the hall, glad that they could at least joke around with each other still. Yeah, he’d smoke and then he’d properly let Steve know that being queer was cool with him and that they were blood-bonded for life already having survived a demonic war together. Steve would call him dramatic and they’d laugh over it and then things could go back to normal. 

Eddie had found one of his baggies of weed after tossing the laundry on his floor about the room for a few minutes before finally getting his stuff together so he could roll them a joint. The buds had been bitter and Eddie had jokingly apologized before hanging the blunt over to Steve to smoke. He had coughed and gagged at the flavour and Eddie had called him a pussy in good humour. Normal. They were acting normal.  

As the weed seeped in they got quieter though and Eddie felt himself drifting again as he sat on the foot of his bed. Steve was standing by the window so he could blow the smoke outside even though Eddie didn’t care about the smell. It was polite and Eddie could appreciate that at least.

“You okay?” Steve asked as Eddie caught himself staring blankly at the ground, knees tucked up to his chest.

“Oh–yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just thinking,” he admitted, blinking hard and then smiling at Steve. They shared a chuckle and Steve took a step forward to hand the joint over.

“Thinking about anything interesting?” He asked, carefully turning the blunt in his fingers so Eddie could grab it.

“Yeah, I guess so…” Eddie mumbled, taking a moment before finally putting his feet back on the floor and taking the smoke from Steve.

“You gunna share with the class?” Steve asked and Eddie giggled again at that, the joke was not that funny but the weed was getting to him.

It took another moment as Eddie smoked, his attention drifting a bit before he finally answered.

“I was thinking about what you said the other week,” Eddie admitted, trying to let the hold his anxieties had on him fade away. He could just let those fears slip through his fingers and he’d finally be able to say what he had been meaning to say for weeks now. Weed was good for that.

“The other week…” Eddie continued, and he stood slowly to pass the joint. Steve was staring at him with bemusement and confusion, obviously trying to follow along with what Eddie was saying. Eddie could feel that blanket of anxiety that had been wrapped around him slowly lifting. He didn’t have to think about anything, just say what he meant to say and then they’d be back to normal. 

“The other week when you uh, when you told everyone you were gay,” Eddie explained, nodding which got a pinched expression from Steve.

“Bisexual–bi,” he corrected, taking the blunt from Eddie and smoking it.

“Yeah, that,” Eddie answered, “it got me thinking about stuff…”

Eddie could feel himself getting distracted as his mind lost its grasp on the words he had been trying to deliver. He understood what he wanted to say–in sentiment–but he was having a hard time forming the words to go along with it. His attention kept on bending and then refocusing on other things that weren’t important. How his hair was tickling his ears a bit, and how bitter the weed tasted on the back of his tongue, and then to his room and how it was probably embarrassing to have Steve here when it was such a mess–he had to refocus on Steve.

“Uh, you, Steve,” Eddie tried, lifting his hand and poking Steve hard in the chest. He just had to drift his brain over to thinking about Steve.

“Yeah… me?” Steve replied, breathing a small laugh.

Eddie smiled, wondering for a moment if he was acting silly and if he was amusing Steve. He liked it when they joked and he had been missing that the last few days. He missed spending time with Steve. He wanted to tell him he accepted him. He wanted to tell Steve he’d always be there. He wanted to put him in a headlock, rib him, posture a little… see him relax… He wanted to see Steve’s posture change, his brows soften, and his mouth unpinch. And then everything would be normal. How they’d just go back to being freaks together.

Yeah, no more anxieties about all this, it was just Steve. It was just Steve.

“Eddie?” Steve asked and Eddie only vaguely registered that he was touching Steve’s face. He looked confused, but he was smiling, and all Eddie could think about was how beautiful his smile was. 

The next thing Eddie knew he was stepping forward as if in a slow dance and pushing Steve back towards the wall he had been leaning on. Steve didn’t fight him, but Eddie didn’t have the presence of mind to question what that meant. He was just moving them across the room so he could press flush against Steve and kiss him. The action had been so gentle Eddie had felt like he was dreaming through the whole thing like it wasn’t really him doing it. Steve shuttered under him and Eddie pulled back just far enough so he could see Steve’s expression. His eyes were closed and his brows were pinched together as if something painful had just happened.

They had kissed and Steve was in pain? They had kissed, why would Steve be in pain? They had kissed.

Eddie let go abruptly and stumbled backward as his anxieties plowed back into him.

“Sorry!” He said quickly, sticking his hands up in front of himself.

Steve didn’t move from the wall and as he opened his eyes slowly and a pang of guilt shot through Eddie. He stumbled back again as his knees hit the edge of the bed forcing him to sit down.

“Sorry, sorry–” Eddie offered, laughing now as his fear bubbled up. Why the hell had he done that? What the fuck was he doing?

“Sorry, man, I didn’t mean anything by it, I uh, was just curious.”

That was the reason, right? There probably wasn’t another reason that made sense. He had been high and his brain had just filtered through the possibilities and for some reason, it had settled on a kiss. Fucking weird, but he had never claimed to be normal.

“Curious?” Steve said back slowly as he came out of what seemed like a daze, “you were… curious?”

Eddie felt his throat getting tight and he was desperately trying to swallow the lump that was forming there.

“I was just joking around,” he offered a weak smile and Steve just stared at him. Eddie watched as his expression changed from dazzled confusion to anger. 

“What the fuck, man?” Steve bit out sounding insulted. He didn’t sound as angry as Eddie thought, but he did sound upset.

“Sorry, I dunno man, I’m high,” Eddie blurted, speaking to the first excuse that came to mind.

Steve just stared at him before shaking his head in disbelief. His frustration looked like it was building and that in turn was making Eddie shrink back.

“You’re unbelievable…” Steve muttered to himself, as he slowly turned to face his back to Eddie, his hands going to his hip, “unbelievable… what the fuck?”

“Sorry–” Eddie tried once more getting cut off this time as Steve snapped at him.

“Stop apologizing, okay?” He said slicing the air with his hand before settling back down and putting his hand back on his waist.

Eddie shut up and stared as he watched Steve’s shoulder bunch and his posture shift from relaxed to tense.

“Joking around… joking around?” Steve asked, his tone accusatory even though it was level. Eddie just gaped at him, not sure what to say if he wasn’t supposed to apologize anymore. The question seemed like it had been rhetorical anyway.

Eddie watched as Steve touched his own lips, squeezing them sharply as if he were thinking and trying to pull the sensation away from his mouth at the same time. 

“So, you were just curious to know–what? What it’s like to kiss a guy? To know if you like guys?” He asked, turning to look at Eddie again but not changing his posture at all.

“I don’t like guys, I’m straight,” Eddie said sharply, his stomach tightening, “I was just…”

Steve’s lip started to curl and Eddie shrunk back further, feeling guilty and embarrassed and ashamed in a way he didn’t know how to communicate. In a way he didn’t want to communicate.

“Just… joking around?” Steve repeated back, his dipping so his delivery lacked emotion. That had stung. That hurt more than Eddie thought it would.

Steve shook his head and raised the joint back to his lips to take a hit. 

“Yeah, real funny,” he started to say as he tossed the blunt at Eddie, “a regular riot. Just kiss your buddy Steve. It’s soooo fucking funny that he likes guys.”

Eddie could see that Steve’s cheeks were flushing as his voice hitched slightly. He was keeping it together but his expression was that of a man who had just been betrayed. He looked hurt. It looked like he had just bore his soul and Eddie had laughed in his face. Like he had been cruel for no other reason than to hurt him.

“Steve–” Eddie started, standing up, not sure what to do.

“You’re sorry, I get it,” Steve replied, stepping towards the door and starting to walk away.

“I didn’t mean it like that–” Eddie tried, hurrying after him and grabbing Steve’s shoulder to stop him from leaving. Steve tried to brush him off, but Eddie was determined to hold on.

Steve moved quickly then and it caught Eddie off guard as he grabbed his wrist and whipped around. Steve shoved hard and Eddie stumbled backward until he hit the wall, Steve’s forearm across his chest.

“Don’t–” Steve bit out, sticking his finger aggressively in Eddie’s face, “--fucking touch me.”

His tone was incredibly level but it was obvious that he was holding back real anger. It was easy to forget sometimes that Steve was an athlete. That he could run circles around everyone in the crew and was easily the strongest amongst them under the age of twenty-five. He had survived Russian torture and Eddie had witnessed him using that strength to help the party. Steve was resilient and he was strong… even if he rarely threw a punch. 

Eddie was too shocked to react properly and before he knew it Steve had let go of him and stormed out of the trailer. Fear rang Eddie like a bell as he stood there and listened as a car engine turned on and the sound of tires of gravel filtered through the open screendoor. He was shaking, he was sure, his body reacting to old memories and mortified by what had just transpired.

“Fuck…” Eddie mumbled, his throat tight and his lips feeling as if they were glued together.

“Fuck–” he repeated, heaving as he raised his hands to his face and pressed his wrists into his eyes.

“Fuck!” Eddie shouted feeling the tears build as he let his knees buckle under him. He slid down the wall and crumpled, hands still pressed into his eyes as he started to sob openly. He was soothing the memories of that scared child but he was also mourning Steve. It felt bad. Everything felt bad.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Eddie muttered to himself through his tears, his voice thick with phlegm, “what the fuck was that? Why did you do that? You fucking… asshole!”

He was bullying himself, he knew it, but he couldn’t help how upset he was. He was mad at himself for doing something unbelievably stupid and he was frustrated that he was reacting this way to it. But he couldn’t help that it felt like his heart was about to give out as he gasped in breath and his stomach filled with air. He was practically gulping as he forced himself to his feet and stumbled into the bathroom. It was like he was a little kid again. But that wasn’t fair–he didn’t get to act this way. He had been the one that had hurt Steve.

“Fuck,” he gagged, leaning over the sink and turning the tap on. A morbid part of him needed to look and see the fear and sorrow on his face so he looked up at the mirror and cringed at his own appearance. His face was red and tears wouldn’t stop flowing from his eyes. His upper lip had gathered snot and his mouth was turned grotesquely into an open frown.

“Stop it,” he swallowed, gritting his teeth as he stared at himself, “you don’t get to do that.”

Eddie gulped in another breath and stood up straight. He closed his eyes and forced his frustration inwards, forcing himself to just get over it.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it,” he mumbled, breathing out slowly as he tried to calm down, “stop it!” He flipped the switch from upset into anger, tears still running down his face but no longer hyperventilating.

“What the fuck was that?” he repeated, dropping his gaze to look at himself in the mirror again, “you–you… you fucking creep. Asshole. What the hell? You’re fucking straight. How the hell are you going to fix this, asshole? Why would you give yourself another reason to be labeled a freak?”

The words stung and Eddie swallowed hard, looking away from the mirror finally. He was calming down even if he didn’t feel better, pushing those emotions inside to deal with later. It was too raw right now, it was too much, he couldn’t do this right now.

Eddie let out a breath through gritted teeth and then moved back to the sink. He turned the water on full blast and then started yanking his rings off. He didn’t care where they fell, but once his hands were bare he cupped them under the water and splashed the cold liquid into his face. He gasped at the sensation and did it again, did it until he had washed all the snot and tears from his face, and then turned the faucet off.

Eddie hung his head over the sink for a long moment, breathing through his mouth as the water streamed off his face. He settled slowly and sucked in one last hard breath and then dried his face off.

“Fucking hell man…” Eddie said quietly, sounding more exasperated than anything now. 

He frowned deeply as he walked back into his bedroom. The joint they had been smoking was on the floor at the foot of his bed and it had started to singe a hole into the carpet. Eddie tisked and picked it up before stamping on the burn mark a few times to make sure it didn’t spread.

How the hell was he going to fix this?

Pt2

[sitp-recs]

15 21 fics where Draco takes care of Harry

Happy Weekend folks! The last reclist for this self-indulgent HBD Harry celebration week brings the trope we all love and deserve: Harry being taken care of! Let 👏🏻 that 👏🏻 boy 👏🏻 be happy! I’m really soft for this trope because it delivers delicious character development and emotional payoff. Harry deserves all the nice things and I love seeing Draco willing to provide it, whether in the form of physical comfort, protection, shelter, medical care or just good old diq. I wanted to follow the previous lists format but ended up with 20 fics which means I left a bunch out (my first draft had around 30 🤡). As usual I tried to include both classics and hidden gems, and especially some that aren’t in the other lists. Enjoy!

Ceremonials by @jackvbriefs (NR, 4k)

“What are you doing here?” Harry said. This Malfoy blinked up at him, then lifted the bottle of tequila. “I’m teaching you how to make a drink.”

Is This Love? By @phdmama (E, 4k)

Draco wouldn’t call himself a tender man. He fights the forces of evil for a living, trying his best to pay penance for the evil he’s done. He’s fought and killed in the name of duty, and when he’s not on duty, he tends either to play hard or retreat alone. He doesn’t lean on anyone, and he knows he’s not the first person anyone goes to when they need care. Comfort. That all changes tonight.

It Never Occurred to Me That I Would Fall in Love With a Frenchman by lamerezouille (T, 6k)

Harry kisses Draco in a public place. All hell breaks loose.

Unseen by astolat (M, 11k)

When he wasn’t wearing it, he got jumpy, always waiting for someone to come at him wanting something—and now they did it even more urgently, if they ever saw him, because most of the time, nobody did.

Nice Things by aideomai (M, 22k)

The first thing that happened was Theodore Nott came back from France.

Lusimeles by spqr (E, 23k)

“You’re not special, Potter,” Kingsley informs him, not looking up from his work. “But I’ve already done Occlumency training!” Harry splutters, indignant. “And it’s Malfoy.”

just tell me when it’s alright by M0stlyVoid (E, 23k)

Harry’s been fighting tooth and nail for any bit of normalcy he can get his hands on. He’s sick of feeling like something’s wrong with him, tired of feeling different. He thinks he’s finally gotten to the root of it, and has settled into a routine that makes him happy. Naturally, that’s when Draco Malfoy walks back into his life and upends it once again. Has Harry bitten off more than he can chew with his former rival?

The Green Vial by @eidheann (E, 31k)

After months of seeing Harry Potter walk into his Apothecary disappointed and hopeless, Draco offers to carry the baby that Harry can't. Now he's just got to hide the fact that he's been half in love with Harry for years.

Expecto Patronum by @writcraft (E, 35k)

Harry Potter is the most sought after celebrity in wizarding Britain. His every movement is scrutinised, his relationships questioned and his photographs plastered over every paper. Harry's used to everyone thinking he’s a hero and has had plenty of time to learn how to keep his biggest secrets hidden from the press. As Draco Malfoy negotiates his feelings for the wizarding world's brightest star, he becomes increasingly attached to Harry and unravels the secrets he keeps hidden from the rest of the world.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil (E, 36k)

Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected.

Breathe In (and Feel No Hurt) by Constance1 (T, 38k)

A tale of love, loss, and of finding hope again. Or the story of how Draco turned into a house-cat in order to secretly bother a depressed Harry Potter until he was no longer feeling sorry for himself.

Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (E, 50k)

When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Sweeten to Taste by @saintgarbanzo and @babooshkart (E, 51k)

It starts with Draco's buckwheat crepes with honeyed oranges. Or maybe it starts with his porridge with toasted walnuts and homemade apple butter. Or perhaps it starts with the cinnamon buns Draco made from scratch with mascarpone icing. Harry just knows he's hungry for more.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse. That is, until he stumbles upon the surreal and beautiful world of a mysterious fae creature…

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.

A Thousand Beautiful Things by geoviki (M, 100k)

Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.

Far From The Tree by aideomai (E, 112k)

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

A Sword Laid Aside by @korlaena (E, 128k)

When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be.

Any Instrument by @dictacontrion (E, 131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 (T, 300k)

Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Hi I'm new to your blog and I been reading your post and your so talented I have an idea what if Jonnalookalike marrying into they Tyrell family? (I hope I spell it right you don't have to do this if you want too it was just an idea hope you have a good day)

Okay so I absolutely love the idea of Joanna!lookalike and Margaery being besties (possibly even more😉) therefore Margaery would fight tooth and nail for the Reader to become part of House Tyrell.

The best outcome for everyone involved; namely Cersei, Tywin, and yan!romantic!Margaery, would be to have the Reader marry Loras. Cersei and Tywin wouldn’t have to worry about the Reader succumbing to the same fate as the late Joanna and Margaery would get to have her darling become a member of her house. Not only that but if Joanna!lookalike married Loras she wouldn’t have to leave to Highgraden and would be able to stay with Margaery and we all know Cersei and Tywin would be more than happy to have their precious Joanna!lookalike still within their possession.

However, if Joanna!lookalike were to marry Willas then she would surely end up in Highgarden, far enough away from Cersei and Tywin. Margaery could work with that, as long as her darling was safe and sound away from her delusional and semi-psychotic family then that’s all that truly mattered to her. Hell, she would even be willing to give up being the queen just to stay close and be with the Reader. It would be a pretty tough to sit and watch Joanna!lookalike being happy with her brother, especially if the Reader and Willas were really into each other and truly fell in love. Or even if Joanna!lookalike just really wanted to be a mother and fell pregnant, there would be a part of Margaery that would be jealous that her brother got her darling pregnant but if it made the Reader happy then she could tolerate it. Besides, Margaery knows her brother, she’s well aware that he’s no Joffrey whatsoever and that he’ll surely take care of Joanna!lookalike and their child(ren). But Margaery will be damned if she isn’t the best aunt/surrogate 2nd mother to her darling’s child(ren). Whether her love is solely one sided or actually reciprocated, Margaery would be right beside her darling all the way. Queen or not.

Meanwhile, Cersei and Tywin couldn’t possibly be more on edge when their darling is sent off to Highgarden. No matter how hard either Cersei or Tywin fought to keep the Reader with them and in King’s Landing, Olenna undoubtably fought even harder against them to get the Reader home to Highgarden where they belong and will truly be loved and cherished for who they are and not who they look like. Now that doesn’t mean that Cersei and Tywin aren’t still doing what they can to not only keep some control but to ensure the safety and protection of their Joanna!lookalike. The Mountain would still be following Joanna!lookalike wherever she goes, whether it’s to the North or to Dorne, Gregor would go without question. Highgarden is simply another place to check off the list.

When it comes to Joanna!lookalike being pregnant, Cersei and Tywin would absolutely be overwhelmed with sheer panic and fear for her life. They would never forgive House Tyrell for putting their darling Reader in this predicament. If the Reader were to end up dying in childbirth similar to the real Joanna, House Lannister would be plotting the demise of not only House Tyrell but Highgarden as a whole too. It wouldn’t really matter too much whether Joanna!lookalike and whichever Tyrell son’s child lived or not, if the child didn’t look like the Reader or have Lannister features at all then Cersei and Tywin would completely dissociate themselves from the child and add them among the rest of the fallen House Tyrell after they’re done with them.

[nakahras]

᯽ cop car • oda sakunosuke

synopsis • a chronicle telling of your life before having a relationship with odasaku, during your relationship with odasaku and after your relationship with odasaku

warnings • lower case is intentional, canon compliant, mcd, angst, depictions of anxiety/panic attacks, reader has an ability (description below), fem!reader

wc • 2.8k

a/n • odasaku makes me really sad and i just needed you guys to be sad with me ig </3

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

ability • fujyo no kagami/a great example of women: allows the user to apply endless perfect actions to something/someone that’s considered feminine. user can apply this rule to herself as a woman. if applied to something/someone masculine the ability takes on the opposite effect. a rule is applied where every action taken results in failure. user cannot apply this rule to herself.

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

before

you were terrified all the time. like a scared animal overwhelmed by its own mind, you would snap, and you would bite. even while climbing the ranks of an organization like the port mafia, you felt alone. you would never blame anyone else for it though. how could you when you so plainly knew how unapproachable you were.

your face was permanently sketched into a scowl. your attitude was less than savory. your arms always folded across your chest in annoyance. your foot tapping impatiently whenever someone was talking just a little too long for your liking. your bad attitude deterred any chances of connecting with someone.

you were accustomed to it. becoming the port mafia’s assassin made it easy to lurk in the dark. that meant going places most people didn’t like to follow. most being the key word there.

there was one persistent person that fought his way into your life. your bared teeth and unsheathed claws never being a deterrent for him. he was crazy, maybe even had a death wish.

it was the only explanation you had for him never backing down.

you had your fair share of run-ins with other children assassins. this one in particular, though, always stood out amongst the rest. he had burnt umber hair and deep dark blue eyes that seemed to look right through you. oda sakunosuke, at least that’s what he had introduced himself as. after letting you take the kill and bounty money on several occasions. he was a gentleman even at a young age.

you were ruthless though. you would take advantage of his kindness knowing exactly why he was so generous with you. he felt bad, the pity seeped from his pores and clogged your senses. it made you want to be cruel. so you were. you never showed him an ounce of gratitude.

oda sakunosuke never asked for it, he waited patiently for you to be ready.

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

during

he teases you constantly for it. how hostile you used to be. fighting tooth and nail to keep him at arm's length. you would try to stay mad at him for it but when you saw the way his face would light up when he lets out a genuine and hearty laugh you would immediately melt. how could you keep up the facade when he looked so beautiful laughing like that.

it had been quite some time now, since he joined the port mafia. almost 3 years.

you tried to avoid him at first. sure, he was familiar but he was a lower rank than you, there was no reason for him to “accidentally” run into you on most of your missions. he didn’t even kill anymore, so, how did he think he could be helpful? he was of course. he had your back when you were just a little too overwhelmed. eventually you swallowed your pride and showed your appreciation by inviting him out for drinks.

bar lupin. that was the name of the bar oda asked you to meet him at. he said he was bringing a plus one, offering that you could bring someone of your choosing too if you’d like. you felt embarrassed when you had to tell him that you didn’t have anyone to invite. the one person you had was far too young to go to a bar with you. hell, you were almost too young, but you didn’t want to spend today alone. that’s the whole reason you set this up for today specifically.

you walk down the stairs only to be met with…confetti? you draw your face back in shock and blink a few times before you realize it’s oda who just let off a little confetti popper next to you. you don’t even take note of your surroundings and just hone in on him. you give him a look as if he’d just spontaneously grew another head. oda quickly hides the evidence behind his back but it’s clearly too late for that.

“...was that?” he can’t have known what that specific day was, right? there is no way. at least that’s what you told yourself until you heard a distinct voice chime in from across the bar.

“i advised him against it. i’m honestly shocked you didn’t tackle him to the ground for that one.” ango sakaguchi, the top intelligence agent for the port mafia. if anyone knew what today's significance was, it would be him.

you let out a sigh. you’d had a few dealings with ango, so you were somewhat familiar with him. despite his slightly older age, you spoke with him casually. “i suppose this is your doing, sakaguchi?”

“i just thought it made for good conversation. i was right, of course.” ango shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his beverage.

you looked over at oda who had a sheepish look on his face. at least he had the decency to look embarrassed. you thought to yourself. you shake your head but couldn’t help the endearment that rose in your stomach and settled in your chest to spread an unfamiliar warmth. you looked back at oda expectantly, trying your best to bite back a threatening smile.

“well? are you gonna at least say it?” you cross your arms over your chest and raise a brow at the former assassin.

oda lost his voice for a moment, he didn’t think he had ever seen you so… relaxed. it took him a moment but he finally managed to croak out, “happy birthday, precious.”

“just for that stunt you pulled when i walked in, you’re buying me a drink.” you said quickly as you turned around, trying desperately to hide how red your face got all because of a simple pet name. you’ve heard him use them before with others but never directed towards you and never specifically the word precious. you quickly took a seat one stool away from ango, leaving the middle for oda.

a few hours pass and you’re on your 4th drink, not counting the 3 shots oda fed you slyly. ever the gentleman though, he would make sure to take one with you. it was safe to say you were beyond feeling just a little tipsy. your face was hot and tongue felt heavy but that didn’t stop you from arguing with ango over some subject you don’t even remember. ango just had such a disagreeable face when you were this many drinks in.

oda watched with such fondness in his eyes, he had always wanted to see you this relaxed, craved it even. it’s been so long that he’s felt this way about you that he can’t even remember a time he wasn’t infatuated with you. he doesn’t even realize it, but he has this stupid/goofy smile on his face as he watched you attentively. at some point you had moved to the middle stool so your back was to oda. you were so animated that he didn’t even care that he couldn’t see your face right now.

oda is so dazed that you startle him when you whip around and look to him expectantly. he’s taken so off guard that his face twisted into a confused grimace in the most comical way and spits out an eloquent, “heh?”

oda watched as your eyes brightened when you squinted at him. oh. you were smiling widely, the first smile he had ever seen reach your eyes like this. no, you weren’t just smiling, you were laughing. the sound was quite possibly the most beautiful thing oda had ever heard. far better than any music he would ever listen to in his lifetime, he was so sure of it. it was like a siren song and you had ensnared him in it.

after that night, oda was yours. you had successfully trapped him and he had no plans of escaping any time soon.

᯽•᯽

he was yours, that was, until ango betrayed you all and mimic surfaced and oda lost virtually everything in a single moment.

it was early when he came to you. he’d just lost his family, the five children you had begun to see as your own and help him raise had been taken from you far too early. you cried — no, that was an understatement. you wailed from the depths of your soul. life was so unfair. it took quite some time for you to calm down. when you did, you saw the dull, almost lifeless, look in oda’s eyes. of course he had told you the whole story, so immediately you knew where his mind was going.

the panic took root in your chest and spread across your entire body. you felt in your stomach in the form of twists and knots. you felt it in your throat in the form of bile burning your throat, threatening to be released. you felt it in your nervous system in the form of hyperactivity, your limbs shaking uncontrollably. you reached out with trembling fingers and desperately clutched onto the material at oda’s chest.

“no- no, sakunosuke. you can’t- it’s not- i can’t lose you too.” your mind was working too fast for your mouth to catch up. every thought soaring through the forefront of your brain getting lost in translation.

he didn’t look at you, he didn’t say anything. he knew if he looked at you right then and there he would fold, he’d give in and that was just something he couldn’t allow himself to do.

you became more desperate, bringing him closer and shifting your hands to hold his face. “sakunosuke, look at me. you can’t do this. not alone. i won’t ask you to not go but, please, let me go with you.”

“no.” that caught his attention. he looked at you sharply and spoke firmly.

you looked at him with wide and watery eyes. “you can’t go alone. if i go…it’ll be safer if i go. please don’t go alone. i can’t let you go alone.” you weren’t breathing. or maybe you were? it felt as though your lungs weren’t receiving any oxygen. they burned as you gasped for air. everything felt as though you were free falling, the adrenaline from it setting all of your nerves on fire. it was frustrating, you were losing your mind over losing your heart — practically your soul.

after a moment there was a glint of remorse that set in his deep blue eyes. he held you again until you were calm enough to hear him out. “are you able to listen to me?”

“no, i have no interest in anything you have to say to me right now, odasaku. i just want you to stay.” your eyes were pleading with him, voice begging him to just listen to you.

who knew a simple shake of the head could shatter your heart in one blow. “i can’t. i have to do this, precious.”

“don’t. don’t call me that right now. not when you-” you choked on another sob, you had lost count of how many tears you’d shed that morning. “let me go with you then. i could ensure your safety. you don’t have to go alone.”

he didn’t think his own heart could break more than it already had. the desperation that bled into your repeated words proved him wrong. “i have to do this on my own. it has to be done alone. someone has to look over that little punk.”

“dazai will never forgive me if i let you go.” you were grasping at straws, silently praying something would convince oda to not go.

oda sighed and you knew you had already lost. you had no chance of winning this. “maybe not at first, but he will. eventually, he will.”

you’d resorted to sobbing again, you were honestly surprised with yourself, you didn’t think you had this many tears to shed. “just…kiss me one more time. before you go, please.”

and how was he supposed to refuse such a simple final request of him when he was asking the world of you. he held your face gingerly and crashed his lips to yours. the kiss was wet and his lips tasted salty from the mixture of both your tears. he was crying too. he poured everything he had left in his heart out into a single kiss. it lasted exactly 7 seconds before oda was pulling away completely. he doesn’t look back as he pushed himself up. you crumbled completely to the ground and even as oda closed the front door of your home behind him he could hear the heart breaking sobs and wails that tore from your throat.

you didn’t think you would ever have to live without odasaku. the reality of it hit you in an instant. you would be living in it, a world after odasaku and you would continue living in for the rest of your own life.

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

after

it had been 3 days. you were numb all over. your chest ached where your heart used to be. you’re sure it was still there, just laying in small pieces. the service had ended an hour ago but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave.

you heard familiar footsteps approaching you. you didn’t need to look at him to know who it was.

“you shouldn’t be here, traitor.” your voice was flat, no emotion behind it. you couldn’t even bring yourself to sound betrayed.

ango almost winced at how tired you sounded. “i figured you could be found here. i wanted to pay my respects too. despite my actions, i valued his friendship.”

you looked at him sharply. how dare he have the audacity to still call him a friend? how dare he be so bold when you couldn’t even bring yourself to say his name. you’ve tried, but the moment oda slipped out of your arms that day, every moment afterwards you would choke on his name. you were so tired of crying, so you couldn’t bring yourself to try anymore.

“did you do what i asked of you?”

“yes. you know dazai won’t like you following him…”

you let your head fall back and shut your eyes. breathing in the fresh air and enjoying the sea breeze, you almost forgot where you were. standing at oda’s freshly buried grave. “i’m quite aware of his distaste for me.”

“so then why go? why ask me to wipe your slate clean?” ango’s tone is so incredulous, he didn’t understand but you expected as much from him. he had his faults and one of them was his selfishness, something you could never quite get past.

“because he asked me to, it was his last wish of me. he was failed by so many people in life, how could i possibly fail him in death?” the treacherous man opened his mouth as if to argue but you shook your head and cut him off. “that’s a rhetorical question, ango. the answer is: i can’t. i suppose i’ll see you again someday. take care until then. i’ll never forgive you if you die by another's hand…”

with that you seemingly disappeared. there was almost no trace left of you. the only tell that you were still present was the fresh bouquet of flowers appearing at oda’s gravestone every week.

you resurface a year and a half later, finding yourself in front of the armed detective agency. it wasn’t planned. you weren’t supposed to show up in front of their office door for another year. but you happened across a man your age, although he resembled a much younger man. he introduced himself as ranpo and invited you back after requesting your help with a case.

you were welcomed with open arms. you had found a new family. it terrified you.

six months later dazai joined the ada. he was not pleased by your presence but he pretended it didn’t bother him. no one was the wiser. except for you of course. you gave him the space he needed but still looked out for him from a distance. he came around eventually. after all, you were all he had left of odasaku.

he was even there for you when you had a mental break down about falling in love again. you’d promised yourself you would never love another man but the universe had a sick and twisted sense of humor. it wasn’t a man you had fallen head over heals for, it was yosano akiko who had caught your attention. she was patient with you and gave you the space you needed.

you eventually found yourself at his grave stone on a rainy day.

“i met someone. i made good on my promise, it’s not another man. her name is yosano, i think you would have gotten along with her. dazai thinks the world of her. i’m scared… the last time i loved someone this deeply… what do i do?”

as if to give you his blessing, the storm that had been raging for 3 days slows and comes to a complete stop. you let out an incredulous laugh. for the first time in years you utter his name.

“thank you, sakunosuke.”

[chicohungers24-7]

A/N: Got reminded to post my fic on Tumblr so you can read it on AO3 or under the cut! :)

Consciousness split Nine's head open, and no sooner than he had finally began to feel alive did the agony begin. He whimpered aloud and curled into himself, tattered shoes roughly scraping against the floor of.. wherever he was. His brain pulsated and pounded against his head, scattering all his thoughts. The cool floor did nothing to help the horrible burning under his skin and for a moment he considered if this was some sort of hell.

Nausea washed over him and Nine gave up trying to recollect his shot memories. Something primitive in his mind told him to hold on longer. To let this pass. Conserve everything.

...

He wasn't sure how long he had stayed there until the world become a bit more bearable. Nine lifted one heavy eyelid, blearily focusing on the surface he layed on. Bare stone. Dark red stains pooled in front of him. Nine slowly sat up, swiping at nose and felt nothing but the tug of crusted fur against his glove.

"What happened?" His splintered voice carried to no one and did not even have the decency to echo back. Nine looked up and the vast expanse of the shatterverse stared back at him.

Oh right.

Everything had happened.

His entire world had been flipped upside down and newly hatched hopes torn to shreds subsequently after.

He was alone.

Which is exactly what he wanted, of course. That was the whole point of this entire thing. He had fought tooth, the ambient taste of his own blood lingered in his mouth, and nail to keep the Grim to himself. And his plan had worked. So why did something out of place beat against his chest? This is what he had wanted. What he had bled for.

Nine's tails clicked as they came to life and lifted his aching body off the ground, drawing him closer to stare at the infinite space before him. The lights of the other gateways twinkled, almost mocking in their new found reformation.

You're welcome. His mind snarked rather uselessly.

There was no response other than a subtle fizzle of energy that started and supposedly died at his finger tips. Well. He thought it'd have no effect. The energy tingled against a nerve that reignited the burning pain under his pelt, charting out webs of pain up his paws and past his elbows and over his shoulders. He shockingly did not scream and instead gnashed his teeth together and expelled a high pitched squeak as the energy took its course. The arcing pain stopped after what had felt like minutes, until his brain sputtered to start again and he realized it had happened in barely a few seconds.

Okay. Maybe no sassing the semi-sentient gateways. Nine turned away from gateways and took the time to assess himself. While he expected the headache and general ache that came with trying to fight Sonic and his fr- er. He expected that. Not the lingering buzzes that caused his fingers to twitch and skin to burn. So that was the most pressing thing to inspect.

Nine stared at his arms for what felt like a concerningly long time. Furless skin revealed unfamiliar, dangerous patterns. With a trembling finger, he spent some time tracing the fractal like raised skin with senseless disbelief.

His fur had always been shitty. It was prickly and dull, and it clumped together when enough grime clung to it. But this was nothing like it. Webs carved into his skin. They were unlike the other scars he harboured, mauve and faded, but sickly greens and blues. Nine withdrew his paws. How long had those been there? It couldn't have been just now. Something tightened in his stomach but he quickly moved on in his assessment.

Residual prism energy. (Sonic had not been senselessly pleading when he said the prism had been destroying him.) Lasting effects unknown. Monitor for more information.

The rest of the assessment came easily. The stains on the floor had come from his nosebleed, which had long since stopped. No definite cause. Prism usage? The headache he nursed had multiple causes. Dehydration, sleep deprivation, hunger, and hypothetically another symptom of the prism usage. Muscle aches. Extertion. Sleeping on a hard floor for who knows how long. Prism.

A lot of these were coming back to the prism. Nothing he could do about that now except for waiting it off. But in the meantime, he need to eat.

-

Nine had been prepared for this. He had festered in a smog choked landscape with no natural life around him. When he had been abandoned, he could not simply hunt for food like his feral counterparts. That left him rather lacking in living in wilderness 101. More so than he'd ever want to admit to anyone but himself. That is what made the Grim perfect for him. It was no urban empire, but it was certainly not the sprawling jungle he had gotten a glimpse of. While he couldn't recall too much about the Boscage Mage, he did remember his doppelganger that resided there.

Er. Not doppelganger. But he couldn't find another word to describe that mutt that bore too much resemblance to himself.

He was getting distracted. Nine often found himself derailing trains of thoughts to focus on something new for his rattled brain to latch on. That hadn't been uncommon when he lived in New Yoke, isolation meant the only person you had to entertain was yourself, even if that self had to be one of the most miser- Ah. There he goes again.

Back to the topic at hand. Food. Nine had brought rations to last for both him and Sonic. Water, of course, a good amount of his favorite juice packs, and plenty of protein bars. Even when he had the eventual hopes to create more favourable foods with the help of the Prism, he would've been foolish not to bring along enough for a few weeks. And now that it was just him here, Nine was sure he could make these rations last months.

The satisfication that gave him was short lived.

Only a few months. He had planned to live his entire life here. While Nine never expected to live long in New Yoke, he thought he'd have more time in the Grim. Something unfamiliar snaked around his chest and chilled his entire body. He couldn't fully parse out what exactly he was feeling, anger was not a center point and his second guess was that it was related to sadness. Nine's cool expression shriveled into a frown and he stepped away from the rations he was organizing. He shouldn't care that he had only a few months here. It was his world. He could spend as much time as wanted here. There was no reason to be sad.

He was alone.

He should be happy.

-

Nine was not happy.

He cast a long look across what used to be an endless sea of red sand. Crystalline shards relentlessly crashed into the Grim, dotting the dunes creating an echo of a war torn battlefield. While the other shatterspaces had grown back and had their gateways to protect them, the Grim remained defenseless and small. A reminder of his actions. Which was fine. It gave him something to dwell on. There wasn't much to do here anyways. Aside from the little equipment stored in his lab, there was not much to tinker with. All his grim robots had been dissolved and the remains of the Mothership had disappeared alongside with the rest of the Grim. He couldn't create metal out of thin air anymore.

Another crystal shattered against the strong walls of his Citadel and snapped him out of his thoughts, noise so jarring that it rattled his brain against his skull. Nine's ears flattened against his head. It was best not to look at the view for too long. Crystal shrapnel was no joke. His tails lifted him and he scuttled back into his lab.

It was not much better down here than it was out there. Just a more sheltered view of the Shatterverse and of course, twin palm trees with a hammock strung between them. That's where he spent most of his time. Not to sleep, mind you, his mechanical tails made it impossible to lay there on his back, and he did not fancy the idea of being pinned down to the hammock while he slept. But whenever his body was overcome with burning pain he'd lay there until eventually the sensation dissipated. Those episodes of pain came frequently enough that the thing that occupied his time the second most was figuring out why this was happening.

The most obvious answer was the Paradox Prism. He still had his handheld scanner and computer, so of course he figured out pretty quickly that he was still chockful of prism energy. That wasn't the confusing part. He was more concerned on why he still had energy within him. All the prism energy should be gone. Earlier he had hypothesized that he was the reason the Grim had not been repaired. He'd brood over it for a few days before noticing that the amount of energy he had was steadily increasing, but everything seemed fine in the Shatterverse. No tears began taking what little he had left. So he neatly tucked behind that theory in the 'Needs more evidence' pile. Not that he really thought he'd revisit it. But putting it away would get him out his sulking.

Nine's next theory was that he had become a shatter battery. It was also quite weak. The only shatter battery he had known was Sonic and he worked differently than whatever was going on with Nine. That idea he had toyed with for only a few hours before shelving it. He didn't like thinking about Sonic. The power of the prism was something they had barely scraped the surface of, so while the similarities were there he was sure he could come up with another explanation.

But he hadn't yet.

Nine picked up a sizeable shard he left laying around his lab. He had discovered that the shards that floated through the void were the same kind of crystal that made up his citadel, and what he had used to create his alpha grim robots. That had given something for his mind to chew on for a few days but he realized that he still couldn't do anything with it. Not even with the sizeable amount of energy that permeated through his body. It was nowhere near the amount of just one prism shard. But hey. At least these things made okay icepacks. More often than not he found himself nuzzling against the emotionless piece of rock whenever his headaches decided to return. It was almost humiliating. But the cool relief it brought overcame his sense of shame. Which is exactly what he needed right now.

Easing his way into his hammock, tails sheathing back into their plates to make his life just a bit easier, Nine settled down on his stomach and held the rock closely. The headache he had predicated came just as he thought it would. Nine pressed his eyes shut with a huff and waited.

-

Nine yawned, shaking claws tapping against his keyboard. Lately he'd been spending his time monitoring the shatterverse. While it was vast, and he had made sure to send the Chaos Council as far away as possible, there was no harm in just double checking. Or triple checking. Or- you get the point. Besides, he didn't have much else to do. With an idle swipe of his nose, Nine typed in another set of parameters into his computer and waited for the scan to begin. He leaned back on his tails and watched the progress bar slowly tick by.

He didn't really know what he would do if he found the Chaos Council out in the void. It was highly unlikely he would. They were probably dead. His snout twitched.

This was all meant to be a distraction, anyways. So he waved away the realistic option.

I've truly lost myself. He humored dryly.

If Nine found the Chaos Council, he knew he wouldn't venture out into the shatterverse to confront them. No. He had long lost his shattercraft and was not keen on braving the crystalline belt without something to protect him. One of his less load bearing tails tapped against the stone floor. But would he allow them to find their way back to someplace like New Yoke?

That was a loaded question.

Over time in the Grim, he didn't feel his bitterness towards New Yoke melt. If anything, it only hardened. The rebels, or.. inhabitants- whatever they were called now, kept their promise. Which.. he appreciated. But something about it ate his insides up, turning his steel hard resolve into a bubbling mess of emotions he couldn't even begin to put a name to. Thankfully, that confusion irritated him. Irritation was something he could recognize. He was irritated with the knowledge that everyone there were having far better lives. But would he wish the regime of the Chaos Council resumed? No. The sheer hatred he felt towards the Chaos Council made his scorn for the denizens of the city look like mild distaste in comparison. An involuntary growl escaped his mouth and the sound shocked him out of the spiral of anger he almost slid into.

It had been a long time since Nine bothered speaking. Sometimes he sighed or sniffled, and of course it was hard to miss the tick tick tick of his tails, but they quickly blended into ambient sounds he didn't bother to register. The growl had hurt his throat. Nine unscrewed his bottle cap and took a sip of water.

That had been weird.

Anyways. He decided that despite his dislike towards New Yoke, he wouldn't allow the Chaos Council to take over without intervening. Or anyone dangerous like that to enter the Shatterverse. Not on his short watch.

Beep beep beep. His computer chirped and his eyes focused on the screens in front of him. Nothing. Nine sighed and began typing again.

-

Scraping against stone. Curled in a tight embrace. Splinters embedded deep. He's burning alive.

-

The next day was spent plucking out fragments of his makeshift icepack from his arm. One tail tapped against the floor as he methodically squeezed out a smaller splinter from his forearm. Dark red blood welled up in its place.

This was a painstakingly long process. But it was better than having to pull out shards from his eye.

He had a few first aid supplies stored in his lab. Not much for pain relief, he had run out long ago, but enough to disinfect and wrap up his wounded arm.

Nine didn't bother using the shards anymore after that.

-

The tremors in Nine's hands had worsened recently. He wasn't entirely sure why. The pain of his accident had subsided. So that was off his list. While his diet hadn't been.. entirely the best, there was no reason for this. Nothing has varied. Nothing could vary. Not in this blank slate.

Maybe he was due for another scan. It's what he usually did when he couldn't find an answer for anything wrong with him.

The level of prism energy within him only got higher when he checked. It was gradually making him more uncomfortable. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen first. Would his rations deplete and he'd wither away? Or would the prism energy burn him from the inside out? He shut his eyes.

-

The voices in his head were getting incessant. Nine usually was able to tune them out when they whispered venomous things. But it seems like isolation tore out their fangs. Now they wailed.

It was irritating.

Why wouldn't they shut up? Couldn't he wallow in peace? Sure, the clock was ticking. But they didn't have to remind him.

They cried about burning. For escape. For anything but himself.

But there was nothing here. No body. Just Nine.

They begged for escape.

Escape? He couldn't escape.

-

Nine dreamt of a choked clouds, thick with water. Thunder rumbled an ominous warning as the first heavy green drops hit the red sands. A torrential downpour that soothed the wounded Grim. Nine left the safety of his lab and stood under the driving rain.

Pacifying cold enveloped him. If his lab was safe, then this was sanctuary. Sweat, blood, and grime gently washed away while soaking him down to the bone.

When was the last time he had been this clean?

-

The voices were drowned out by buzzing throughout his body. The tremor spread from hands to the tips of his tails. Fur on end. Fractals burning.

Something told him he needed to expell this.

It was almost reflexive. Tails clicking into place. Fingers tense. The energy flowed from all parts of him and shot out from his seven tails.

It wasn't the destructive beam he had used during the battle. Reality tore before him, a portal of light rippling and burning his eyes.

The act exhausted him. Weakness immediately spread throughout his body and his tails limply fell behind him as he stumbled forward, pulled into another world.

It burned.

[most-tragic-character-tournament]

Ok cTubbo's still losing it's time for me to whip out the propaganda

I've been mentally ill over this cube man for a year I'm not letting him lose without a fight

So in this I'm going to list all the tragic events in his life in order (although DISCLAIMER I might forget some stuff or get stuff wrong fellow dsmp fans please don't @ me)

He was a child soldier. Canon ages of basically all the characters are dubious at best, but if we go by cc!Tubbo's age he was only 16 at the time of the L'manburg Revolution. That's only one of the THREE wars he fought in but we're going in order and more shit happened in between the L'manburg revolution and the next war he fought in (Manberg v Pogtopia) so PUT A PIN IN THIS

He DIED in the aforementioned L'manburg Revolution. For the unacquainted, characters in the DSMP get 3 "canon" deaths, so you get to die canonically 3 times before dying For Real, so he came back after, but he still DIED, which hurts!

He had to watch his best friend (cTommy) and basically big brother figure (cWilbur) get exiled from the nation THEY HELPED BUILD.

He was forced to be a spy

The aforementioned being a spy...ness lead to him getting EXECUTED. Mind you going by cc!Tubbo's age he STILL was only 16 or 17!

Did I mention the fireworks and the box?!? Ohhh boy. The fireworks and the box. This was his canon event. You know when people say "x never truly left y"? CTubbo never truly left The Box. This is the ROOT of soooo much trauma. He was trapped in a tkiny box and shot to death. First off, he was SHOT TO DEATH WITH FIREWORKS. That is one of the most painful ways to go. You're getting shot to death AND burned to death at the same time. This left him with permanent scarring. Second, he was killed at a festival that HE DECORATED HIMSELF. I could go on and on about why the red festival and Tubbo's execution are tragic as hell but I'll stop here cus I have more shit to cover.

*takes pin out of thd first point* He fought in a war AGAIN

He was appointed president of a country at 17 (again, going by cc!Tubbo's age, also don't quote me on that number he might've still been 16, I don't remember. The point is he was YOUNG. Like, that's a high schooler!(in the US anyway))

His basically older brother figure killed himself immediately after he got appointed president

He was manipulated into exiling his best friend not long after becoming president

He was led to believe said best friend committed SUICIDE while he was in exile (cTommy was alive, but cTubbo thought he was dead for a pretty long while)

Doomsday. Just. All of Doomsday. Finally giving up on L'manburg, the country he'd loved and fought tooth and nail for, and still they lost. He lost. Reconciling with Tomny, his best friend, only not really, because their friendship has been so damaged. Just- EVERYTHING.

Also Doomsday was technically a war so that's the 3rd war he fought in

He tried to sacrifice himself for his best friend.

He INVENTED NUKES. He's literally DSMP Oppenheimer to an extent. He invented nukes because he's had to fight so hard to keep the people and things he loves safe that he went all the way to the extreme of INVENTING NUKES to keep his family safe.

SAID NUKES ENDED UP KILLING HIM

He lost his husband! C!Ranboo fucking died!

He lost his son! Michael was kidnapped MULTIPLE TIMES (at least TWICE) And then thanks to the shitty ass finale making him LOSE HIS FUCKING MEMORY, HE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER!!!

He lost his best friend MULTIPLE TIMES (he lost metaphorically Tommy because of exile and how their relationship was damaged, then he thought he'd lost Tommy LITERALLY because he thought Tommy committed suicide in Exile, AND THEN, not long after Tommy got out of Exile, before they could repair their relationship, Tommy DIED. FOR REAL THIS TIME.)

And finally, his story ended not with him getting a chance to heal, but with him dying to his own nuke and then getting memory loss. And him getting memory loss is ALSO tragic in its own way but I won't go into that cus this is getting long.

So yeah here's my propaganda. /rp for all of this. I know I already put c__ in front of most of the names but just in case. I don't want anyone to get confused and think I'm talking about Actual Real Life 19-year-old YouTuber Tubbo.

I'm gonna end this out with this:

I don't know SHIT about Madoka Magica. I've not seen it yet. But I bet Sayaka Miki didn't die THREE times.

[Propaganda]

[peachymilkandcream]

Ready or Not|Part 6|Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: This one is going to be a bit more graphic than the others so please keep that in mind! Levi's going to get a bit unhinged with this one so please be aware and read the warnings before continuing! Comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, graphic depictions of violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

=============================================

Cracks of light shone through the prison bars when Levi entered. Part of his determination to break Strecker was to keep her in total darkness and isolation until she couldn't stand it anymore.

So far that wasn't working, and Levi had never been known to be a patient man. If she wasn't going to talk willingly, he'd make her, on pain of death.

"Dr. Strecker, how are we today." Despite his efforts, he couldn't hide the slight mocking tone and smug grin creeping onto his face.

"Go to hell Levi."

She was thin and pale, his men giving her enough to stay alive, but never enough to make her stomach stop gnawing in on itself. A sad state for such a respected medical professional.

But this is what happens when you cross Humanity's Strongest Soldier.

"Still as stubborn as ever." He sheds his coat, donning gloves instead, at this point the feeling of warm blood soaking through his clothes was second nature to him, besides, it would get her to see how far her denial would really get her. "I'll ask you this nicely," He picked up a pair of pliers almost lovingly. "Where is my wife."

The moment he steps close enough she spits on him, making his eyebrow twitch in anger as he struggles to calm himself enough.

"So you're still going to be difficult hm? I can fix that."

================================================

Lili stared down at her nubs for fingers, she had heard that most military interrogations ended with missing fingernails, not missing fingers.

One by one Levi had ripped off the nails and then the fingers, asking her question after question to find the whereabouts of Evelyn.

Each crunch of her bones gave Levi and even wilder look in his eyes. Soon he forgot to ask the questions, simply enjoying torturing her. Lili remembered now all the secret conversations she had with Evelyn and how the poor girl feared for the life of anyone who chose to help her. At first she hadn't believed the short man had it in him to be violent to anyone but his wife who couldn't fight back.

It was all her fault, if only she had found a way to get Evelyn out from under him before he had gotten her pregnant the first and second time, maybe then he wouldn't have this obsessive attachment to her. The poor girl deserved freedom, she had fought for it so hard.

"You can keep this up Levi, but Evelyn will be free from you, even if it means killing me, I'll never let an arrogant bastard like you control her!"

He seemed almost bored by her declaration of defiance, as if he expected this but wished she wasn't so difficult.

"You know, your mouth really pisses me off. Maybe if you didn't have your teeth you wouldn't keep biting your tongue every time I try and get a straight answer out of you."

=============================================

Lili had to look away from the tray beside her to avoid feeling nauseous. One thing the Captain was happened to be thorough, he made sure he didn't miss a single tooth, keeping silent through her screams and waiting until she begged for mercy.

"Do what you want with me Levi, I'll take her secret to my grave-"

"Will you. What about that little friend of yours that you've kept so hidden from everyone's radar?"

A sickening feeling washed over her. "What the hell are you talking about."

"Oh I think you do, one Rosalie Brauer, you two seem to be very good friends. Don't you?"

Lili remains silent, begging her body not to betray a thing to this devil of a man.

"Or perhaps...more than friends?"

Again she keeps her lips sealed, he was cunning, he could take anything she said and twist it until it's a threat.

"Your silence is deafening doctor. It would be a terrible shame if she were to suffer a fate worse than you, and die knowing it was all your fault."

Before Lili could catch herself a single tear rolls down her cheek at the thought.

Levi noticed, he always notices the small things.

He crouches down to her ear, feigning sympathy.

"Now don't cry, love is a cruel mistress. Whether it be to spouses, lovers, children, or friends, all of us have this fierce need to protect. All I want is to protect my wife and children, that's all I've ever wanted. And my sweet Evelyn was content with that until someone put an idea in her head that she should want more. She had it all Strecker, a husband who adores the ground she walks on, two beautiful children, the largest house in all of Eldia, and plenty of money to ensure she and her children are taken care of until they take their last breath."

"You're....you're a monster who could never love-"

A dark look comes across his face, sympathy gone. "Why should you care about Evelyn's fate? What did she ever do to you except get you into this mess? You think you're righteous helping those who don't need it to feel better. To look good on paper and in front of those you're lying to. What would sweet Rosalie do if she knew the one she cared for had such a haunting past?"

Now she looks at him, a twinge of fear in her eyes.

"Oh yes I know. When I brought you in I did some digging, and trust me doctor, I know. I know how you used to help men like me to get what they wanted every time. How many women have you helped that are knocked up with their sixth child in the bed of some wrinkled asshole. How you use that money to fund an addiction that will slowly drive away all you hold dear. You claim to help women like my love but only if you have enough supplies to last you. If not, they all turn out the same. How would your friend react to this I wonder? As the life is draining out of her, knowing dear Dr. Strecker is a monster."

The tears flowed freely, he was terrifying. "You can't kill an innocent civilian- you'll get caught-"

"Watch me." His voice was so cold it made her jump. "I've done it before, I'll do it again. And again until I have my wife securely in my home. The bodies in my basement are piled too high to give a damn about you or your friend. Now I'll ask you for the last time Lili Strecker, where is my wife."

==============================================

Levi exits the room, throwing on his coat as one of his men approach.

"Did you find out anything Captain?"

"Yes, but keep her on edge, use the name Rosalie as leverage, see if she has anymore of her guts to spill."

"Yes sir, where are you going?"

"To speak to Commander Erwin, he'll want to hear this."

"Hear what exactly sir?"

"That I've found my wife."

[beantothemax]

“Mr Morlock.” Tressa’s voice cut through all the din, silencing the raging buzz in Therion’s ears. 

“Never before in my life have I heard someone spout such cruel words!” Every word she hurled at Morlock dripped in venom, anger in every syllable. “Your coffers may be overflowing, but you’re still morally bankrupt!” She shouted, her eyes blazing. “You make a mockery out of others like you’re getting paid for it.” She glared at Morlock, her words carefully enunciated and thrown. “You cheat your workers out of their hard-earned money and monopolise their profits! If anyone’s a swindler here, it’s you!” She shouted the last bit, shoving Morlock in the chest, sending him stumbling backwards. “It seems the girl has forgotten her manners,” Morlock mused, a cruel smile twisting his lips. “Omar, let’s help the girl remember her place.” 

And all hell broke loose. 

It was an excuse for a fight, and a fight was exactly what Therion had been hoping for. He threw himself at Omar, dagger brandished and glinting wickedly. He sliced a gash in the man’s shoulder, Tressa sent blades of wind hurtling at him, and Alfyn unhooked his axe. Ophilia slammed the butt of her staff down against the ground, and chanted in Ancient Orsterran, a language only known to the priests of Flamesgrace. A bright light erupted from her staff and fell over the group. Despite its brilliance fading moments later, a faint shimmer remained in the air around them. Ophilia had cast a protective veil of sorts around them, and Therion had to admit that he was impressed. Omar the guard was holding his ground well, much to everyone’s frustration and rage. Ducking under Therion’s dagger, parrying Tressa’s harpoon, and piercing through the veil. It was just a guard against magical ailments. Alfyn hung back, concocting healing tinctures from the various herbs he’d collected on their journey here.

Therion’s hands tingled, and he braced himself. They had the protective veil, but Omar did not. Tressa caught his eye, and mutual understanding passed between them. Tressa fell back beside Ophilia, who had reformed the veil over them. An almost protectiveness washed over him. These were his friends, he had fought tooth and nail and bloody dagger to keep them safe, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to them now.

ok thank you for not performing a killing blow on me mav. I needed this.

therion having the realization that these are his friends and that he’s gonna protect them, no matter what, is really sweet…… give this boy the goddamn love he deserves

[wildcatofgreen]

which is better: freedom or security? or does one not necessarily contradict the other?

"That's... deep. Spirits, ya sure ya should be askin' me that? Ya dun't think Lyli or Sony can handle it better?"

She sighs, "Uh. Iun't... know, really. "I mean, ideally they wouldn't, right? "Why can't ya have both? Freedom 'ta be able 'ta do whatever ya want but the security 'ta like... do them without harm?

"But, shit, ya need 'ta give a little freedom away for security, right?

"Or, is it the other way around? Or, like...

"Aggggh, Iunno, dude! I'm a dumb cat, how am I supposed 'ta know this stuff?!?!"

She sits on her floor, staring at the ground before her.

"I guess like, if we're talkin' stuff I'd want?

"Freedom, easy. Freedom 'ta do whatever. Freedom 'ta run aroun' an' do all my fun stuff like gem teleportin' or catchin' up with my friends or jus' spendin' time with Sony.

"I'm secure enough in my own abilities that security wouldn't like, matter 'ta me. If there's a baddie I'll crush it, if there's a problem I'll smash it.

"I ain't gonna be bogged down by some dumb stuff jus' 'cause it'd be more ''secure'' or whatever.

"Shit, ain't that part of the reason I ain't wanna marry Sony...?

"Uhm.

"S-Security's important though, right? Like without security I wouldn't be sure I'd still have all the things I want. Like my stupid Battlesphere job, my Sony, my friends.

"I can have all the freedom I want, but if it comes at the cost of not havin', at the very least, my friends, then what's the point?

"Shit, isn't that why I ain't wanna tell Lyli how I felt...?"

She starts groaning loudly. Wow, those are two very fucked up realizations to have in the same moment.

Give up her freedom for security, or give up her security for freedom?

Well, consistently she's chosen security, hasn't she?

She didn't want to give up the security of her and Lyli's friendship--sure, she might have felt more free, being with that girl she's loved for stones know how long, but there was that unknown there. She could be more free. But she also could lose her best friend just because of some stupid feelings.

And, she was willing to give up some freedoms just to be more secure with Sony.

She won't even let herself fuck up a little bit just to satiate those stupid feelings she still has.

She needs that security--she can't let it happen again, she can't lose him again.

Even with her job, she's fought tooth and nail to keep it--hell, she's still fighting, isn't she??? She has a rematch with that stupid panda fuck on the 27th.

Stones, the 27th--why'd she even PICK THAT DAY??? If she loses it'll just be known as ''the day carol tea ruined her life'' instead of it being her stupid little birthday. What is wrong with her.

"I-Iunno, man.

"Jus', ask someone else. Ask Spade, doesn't he have a gemerald like mine??? That dumbass would have better answers than me."

[lottiethroughthelookingglass]

15x20 Coda

Can’t believe it’s the year of our Lord 2020 and I’m writing Supernatural fix it fics at 3am.... This truly is the bad place. Anyway here’s what happened immediately after the credits rolled on whatever that was...

“Sam and Dean stood, arms around each other looking out towards the vista. Heaven. Their heaven. United again, after everythi-“

“-Is he for real?”

“That’s what was saved on my computer. Supernatural – Final Draft.”

“This is bullshit.”

Becky shrugged, taking her laptop back from Sam as his face twitched uncomfortably. 

“Who did I even marry? Like, it wasn’t even Eileen?”

“I don’t know man but you named your kid after me. I’m holding you to that one.”

“I don’t even want kids. Our lives are crazy. Why would I do that to a kid?”

“Well I’m just glad Chuck didn’t get to go ahead with that one.” Becky said, sitting back down with her laptop, “I mean all of his drafts were honestly terrible but that one… I mean it didn’t even make sense considering your character arcs. Dean literally died like he thought he would at the beginning of the series and Sam, grows old with a random woman and doesn’t do anything with his life and not even mentioning Cas even though he was right there in heaven-“

Becky looked up to find Sam and Dean staring at her.

“I’m sorry, not that you guys are just characters or anything. But just, when I came back and I found that I was really worried you’d actually died in barn because you fell on a nail.”

“Yeah well I will be avoiding all barns from now on.”

Thunk. The three of them looked up to where Cas had knocked over a Funko Pop Sam.

“Sorry,” Cas readjusted Funko Sam so he could go back to back to fighting Funko Crowley.

There was an awkward moment of silence as the group processed the revelation of Chuck’s ending. Becky sipped her tea as Cas sat back down next to Dean. Dean looked over to him, their eyes met briefly and they shared a small smile.

“Did I never even ask about Cas?” Sam shook his head breaking the silence. “Like, you come back from fighting Billie and say he’s dead and I just… never question it?”

“Well, none of you seemed very upset about my death in that story.” He turned back to Dean, “You were far more concerned with the pie and the dog.”

“To be fair that was probably the only thing that felt right there – pie is more important.”

Cas rolled his eyes and picked up another biscuit from the tray Becky had brought them. Ever since becoming human again he’d picked up a real sweet tooth. Dean was silently waiting for when Sam would start having a go at him too about healthy diets.

Like hell I’m going because of a rusty nail in a barn, Dean thought, I’m getting killed by a heart attack and Cas’s gonna die of diabetes. Sammy’ll still get to outlive us both though.

“It’d be nice to think Jack is doing that with heaven though.” Sam said, “You know, rebuilding things, making it actually good.”

“I guess we’ll have to see when we get there. Which will not be soon, we fought for a bit of peace and I’m intending to actually enjoy mine.”

“We can just ask him next time he’s home.” Cas added.

Dean shook his head stifling a laugh with his hand, “Can you imagine if we’d made him God I mean- He’s three for crying out loud. He made me buy him a Marvellous Marvin the Talking Teddy three months ago.”

“You bought him that?”

“Wait so Jack didn’t become God?”

“God no, no he’s not God.” Dean plucked the biscuit Cas had just picked up out of his hand and started to eat it, “I mean he is up in heaven, but he’s just helping Michael get things running again with all the angels back from the Empty.”

“I’m confused, so you didn’t kill Chuck?”

“Noash fukind matr-“

“Chuck’s gone, but he’s not dead.” Sam interrupted the garbled explanation Dean was trying to make through a mouthful of cookie. “We found a way to umm- bind him I guess? In his own mind so he didn’t even know it was happening. Rowena and I did the spell and Dean set the trap.”

“I was still as useless as in Chuck’s version.” Cas clarified taking another biscuit to make up for his stolen one.

“Hey, if you hadn’t saved me from Billie we’d all have been toast. You were key.”

“Wait so Chuck’s not human and he’s not dead?”

“No- God I can’t believe he made himself human. I can’t believe we made him human and then said that was a punishment – sorry, no he’s kind of in a uhhh…”

“Alternate universe.” Sam added, “but one just for him. It’s more like an alternative plane of reality inside his own mind where he can write whatever stories he wants and think they’re real but they’re not. They can’t hurt anyone.”

“But he’s God so…. They might be real? He could be making them real.”

Sam twisted his mouth thinking, it was something he’d considered but didn’t want to dwell on.

“Well it’s not us.” Dean declared, “And honestly, if he makes another world with other Sams and Deans and Cas’s and Jacks then they’ll defeat him some other way. Like Inception, but with God!” He grinned at his reference even as the rest of the room ignored him.

Becky leant back in her armchair letting out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you guys are ok. You too Cas, he was really adamant about killing you off.”

“Dean was very adamant about bringing me back.” Cas looked over to Dean, a soft smile and look of adoration of his face.

Dean blushed, trying to cover it up with a cough. “Yeah well, I had some stuff to say.”

Becky grinned, taking a sip of her tea as Sam suddenly started to find the wallpaper very interesting.

“So, what are you guys going to do know?” Becky asked after the moment had become sufficiently awkward. “I mean no Chuck, no apocalypse, no world to save. Are you going to keep hunting, or…?”

Sam, Dean and Cas looked at each other.

“I don’t know,” Sam said. 

“Honestly, I’m thinking Chuck had it right with the pie festival.”

Becky and Sam laughed at that.

Cas took another biscuit

***

Dean closed the boot of the Impala with a soft thud. Becky had given each of them one of her dioramas she sold on Etsy. It was always a bit weird being reminded that their life was a story that some people liked to collect stuff from for fun but he had to admit the miniature scale replica of Baby she’d given him was awesome.

Sam stood at the door giving Becky a hug and thanking her for the lunch. She hadn’t quite explained to the rest of the family who these three strange large men were that were randomly joining them for lunch beyond “They’re just some Supernatural fans I know from the internet.” Her husband had spent the entire time struggling to believe that lie even moreso after Cas had slightly traumatised one of the kids with an in-depth description of the dangers of invasive wasps to honey bee colonies.

Dean wandered over to where Cas stood beside Sam and Becky.

“Thanks again for checking on us Becky.” Dean said, accepting the hug she gave him.

“Of course, I always knew you’d beat him but it’s good to know for sure.”

“Sure is.” Dean took a step back, “Well I guess we’ll be seeing you?”

“Next Supernatural convention?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Even if there’s a ghost?”

“You do know we’re not the only hunters in America.” 

Becky bit her lip.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she paused, “it’s just, this is exactly how I would have written it.”

Sam raised his eyebrows in surprise, Dean brows knitted as Cas tilted his head.

“I don’t- not that you had to go through all that. Just that now you can actually take a break. Be normal, do your laundry-“

“-Sam and Dean have always done their laundry. That’s how they clean their clothes.” Cas piped up in confusion.

“-Be happy. Get to actually enjoy living in the world you saved. Have free will and be at peace.”

Dean chuckled, “I mean I’m personally good with never doing my laundry. But you’re right, it’s weird but good.”

“We’ll stay in touch Becky.” Sam said.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

They waved their goodbyes and walked back over to the Impala. Dean got in behind the wheel, Sam in shotgun and Cas in the back.

Turning the key the Impala revved to life. The radio began to sing, the opening chords to Kansas’s Carry on Wayward Song filling the car. 

Dean slammed the radio off.

“God, I think Chuck has forever ruined that song for me.”

Sam laughed, in the back Cas even let out a chuckle as he leant his head against the window ready for the long drive home.

It wasn’t their heaven. Not yet anyway. And that made it so much more.

[rosesloveletters]

Change in Events.

pairing: Ledger Joker x Fem. Reader

word count: 4,086

warnings: strong language, mentions and description of past trauma relating to an ex, J losing his temper

summary: Reader exposes past abusive relationship to J; “saying ‘I love you’ over and over doesn’t make it true.” 

notes: a repost of an old fic (special thanks to an anonymous message request for the reposts of my old work because I forgot I still had some lurking in my folders!) Please read with care; this fic is about the reader having an abusive ex. I initially took this piece down because it was very close to my heart and I felt strange posting it, but lots of people said they identified with it, so if it can help even one person then I feel it’s worth sharing. 

Unedited.

It had been a long week for you. Not the busy kind, but the ‘sitting around wishing you felt better’ kind. It had been the type of week where you had so much time on your hands and nothing to occupy you that you spent it by lying around eating garbage and feeling sorry for yourself. You were in a pretty foul mood.

But it got better. Thanks to someone you would never have expected to give two shits about your moods or pain. You had met J by happenstance. How it had happened, though, didn’t matter much now. What mattered to you was that he was here now. As much as you loved having him around, whenever you were feeling as rough as you were you couldn’t wait to get rid of him. J didn’t let you feel badly for too long. You fought him tooth and nail because subconsciously you didn’t want him to make you feel better. You wantedto feel bad if that made any sense. Feeling bad was familiar to you and no one before J had made your happiness and security a priority.

J wasn’t sure how much he caredabout what you were going through, but he didn’t like the way you got during this time. You were less likely to joke or enjoy his usual antics. You weren’t playful like normal and it got to him. It wasn’tfunto play with you if you were sad.

You were lying awake for yet another sleepless night. J was snoring softly beside you, his head tucked underneath one of his arms. You didn’t look at him. It was such a small thing to set you over the brink but you were hurting so much that it all came crashing down for one reason. He hadn’t wanted to cuddle that night. He had been so exhausted all he had wanted to do was lie down and sleep. J almost neverslept in your presence, only because he was more concerned with your sleeping patterns than his own. He didn’t need as much sleep as you and suffered from insomnia as well. But when he went down, he went down hard. J took little cat naps here and there and that usually kept him going, but every now and then he needed more than that to keep his body functioning.

The pain you were feeling inside was agonizing and all you had wanted was to curl up in his arms and cry while he held you. He knew what was going on, but you refused to tell him much. You wouldn’t open up to him when you felt like this. You shut yourself down much like he did. You didn’t want to trouble him, but tonight you felt like crying. You wanted to bury your face in his chest and just cry until you felt something other than that aching sadness. You hated yourself. You hated the way you looked, you hated how you were never happy with yourself or anything that you did and you hated feeling like a failure. You felt worthless and like you didn’t deserve anything good out of life. What the hell was J supposed to do about it? He likely didn’t care.

You looked up at the ceiling, biting your lip as you hiccupped and tried to fight the tears. It didn’t make much difference. The more you tried not to, the more tears came. They slid silently down your cheeks, dripping off of your jaw and onto the sheets. J hadn’t noticed yet. He was still fast asleep with his back to you. You didn’t want to wake him but at the same time you just wanted to punch him. You wantedto kick him out. You didn’t know why you wanted to do that. Nothing made sense to you when you felt like this. Everything just hurt.

It was impossible for you to stop crying now. You whimpered pitifully and questioned whether or not you should try and wake him. You decided against it and turned your back to him, balling up and pressing your face into the pillow. Your shoulders shook as you sobbed. You couldn’t even tell how loud you were being. You felt nothing other than the weight of that sadness; the crushing weight that threatened to break you.

Your soft sobs had roused J from his deep sleep and he rolled over, rubbing at his eyes, “w-wha?” he asked, but he never got the next words out. The way his expression changed when he saw you lying there would have made you cry even harder had you seen it. His eyes were filled with concern and he quickly put his arms around you, bringing you flush against him. J had much more humanity in him whenever he was tired, his walls would come down and yet you still never saw. You didn’t see the look in his eyes or the curve of his smile or any of that and right now you didn’t care to look. You flipped over in his arms and put your arms around him, burying your face in his bare chest.

You felt him sigh as he carded his fingers through your hair, his other hand rubbing slow circles on your back. He nuzzled you gently and kissed your cheek, “sweets…” he ventured, “why are ya crying?”

Your answer came as a loud sob and he clutched you tighter. You mumbled into his chest and it was a wonder he could understand you through the tears, “e-everything is just…w-wrong…” you sniffled. Your legs wrapped around his hips, bringing you closer to his body, “I-I thought it was all getting better but…it’s not. W-When did I become second-best? A-Am I unlovable, J? You should have something nice to look at but…Instead you have me.”

J left a tender kiss on your forehead, “what the hell are ya talking about?” he asked incredulously, “Nobody said you’re second-best. What did I do?”

“It’s not you!” you hissed, wrenching yourself from his arms. You could see it in his eyes that he was just as willing to fight with you as you were with him, but it was killing him. He was confused and exhausted and just wanted you to shut the hell up and go back to sleep, “actually…it is you.”

He wasn’t expecting to hear that; you could see it in his eyes. The questions: what had he done? Why hadn’t you told him before? And the pain… J trustedyou, “what in the fuckare you talking about?”

It had been one of the worst ideas you’d ever had to piss off the tired and bedraggled clown. J liked to fight, just because it was you didn’t mean he felt any less inclined to do so, but you just kept going,  “It’s your fault, J!” your crying grew louder as you were practically shouting at him, “It’s all your fault! You came into my life and everything was fine at first but that was just a phase. We aren’t that similar. You act like you can save me from the world by telling me how awful everything is but you can’t. You are just one person, Jack. You’re not that special. You can’t know that much about people.”

J’s sudden laughter was as sharp as a knife and as cold as frostbite, “you really fucking think…that’swhat this whole fucking thing is about?!” he burst into little fits of giggles, enraged by how quickly you turned on him, “Oh, no no nosweets. Never. Special? Me? Never thought ya saw me that way. Must be a new one. You’re the one who’s not special, doll. Not my fault ya spend your days throwing yourself at me expecting me to bite, like a fish on a hook. Fuck you. When did ya come to terms with the fact that ya don’t always get every little thing ya want out of life, hm? When did ya realize you don’t get me?”

Your eyes slipped closed the longer he screamed at you and a single tear leaked down your cheek. Two more followed and soon you couldn’t stop. J had never shouted at you like that and it shocked you enough to make you cry, but he was right. How had you been stupid enough to believe that he actually did care about you? You just happened to be at the right place at the right time. You provided him with things like shelter, food, water, a bed… It hurt to think that he had been playing you like this. And it worked.

You were terrified you were about to lose him. You had never had another person love you as much as J did. You were just hurting. You had never meant to make him hurt too. You kept everything bottled up inside and it had boiled over like a pot left unwatched on the stove. You were scared and in pain and afraid you were going to lose him anyway. J would go, just like everyone else did. People say they care, but really they don’t. You had learned that from J. People talk a good game but when it actually comes down to the play, they can’t hack it. You had come to rely on J because he was the only one who did what he told you he was going to do. He hadn’t left. He didn’t make you question him or live in fear that he secretly hated you. If he did hate you, he’d tell you. J had no qualms with honesty. It was a big part of who he was. He was brutally honest in everything that he did and sometimes it was comforting to just be told the way things were.

“I-I know you didn’t mean that…” you whispered. You had so much going through your mind it had all come crashing down and you’d taken it out on the one person who deserved it the least, but you couldn’t get his words out of your head. They stung like a million little paper cuts all over your body. It felt like you couldn’t move. He was looking at you like he was trying to come up with another way to hurt you even more.

The truth was, it wasn’t his fault. You didn’t blame him, even if he didhate you. He wasn’t a false hope for happiness. It was real. He was real. It just took a long time for you to realize the truth.

“What are ya so upset about anyway?” he asked out of the blue, much gentler with the way he spoke this time. In J’s own way, he felt badfor shouting at you like that. It had been a long time since he’d become so impatient and lost his temper with you. He hadn’t wanted to make you feel worse. J wasn’t completely heartless, devoid of any and all emotion. He didcare. He might’ve fought the feeling but it was still there, hidden below the surface. He cared to a point where it made him feel sick to his stomach. He was able to fight past the feeling and be there when you needed him, he only couldn’t get a grip on why you suddenly thought you were unlovable. Maybe a small part of him wanted to showyou what it felt like to be unlovable so that you would know that he didn’t feel that way about you and that’s why he yelled. It angered him that you would make such an outlandish statement, let alone believeit. J had watched you cling to him for far too long to believe that you were actually serious, but you were. He couldn’t figure it out.

Your chest heaved as you tried to tell him more, but you were scared. You hadn’t ever been afraid of him before, but here you were cowering before him in fear of him raising his voice at you again, “I…J I just…wanted to be close with someone. I’ve wanted that all my life. Not with just a partner, but maybe…maybe just a friend. I’m starting to believe that you can’t give me what I need.”

“What gave ya the idea that ya couldn’thave that with me?”

You didn’t have an answer for him this time. All you knew was how you felt. You had always felt like you faded into the background, you weren’t easy to love or beautiful to look at. All you were was a tragedy and even then no one had shown you any mercy. Your mind would beat you to a bloody pulp while everyone around you praised the ground you walked upon. It didn’t matter. J was always right. You could trust him because he said what he meant and he meant what he felt. J didn’t say things to say things or do things just to do them, as he would let people believe. He did them because he was completely behind those actions or words, every step of the way. Even within his rage he still knew it was something you needed to hear. You didn’t have to throw yourself at him. You already had him. You could relax. He was yours. You weren’t unlovable or intolerable. You were suffering. J just needed to know why in order to help you through it.  

Your mind was a complex creature and J knew it well. You had learned that when it came to how you felt about yourself, you were as stubborn as J himself. You didn’t want to feel like you were having to force yourself to love what you didn’t, because who in their right mind wants to feel like that? Who wantsto live a lie? You let yourself feel bad on a daily basis, until you learned that you weren’t lettingyourself do it. That made it sound like you had a choice. You could choose to have a better outlook on yourself, your life and your choices but that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t ever feel bad again. It didn’t mean that you wouldn’t experience self- hatred or deprecation any longer. It just meant it would fade for a little while. It always came back. Not hating yourself was like forgetting how to ride a bike. It just can’t be done.

You hadn’t been very good at taking care of yourself anyway. Self-care was never in your playbook and you wouldn’t really know the first thing on how to keep it up for a long period of time anyway. Why would you want to do things to make you feel good whenever you don’t.

You let your moods get the best of you. That was one of the only things you’d become good at over the years. You’d lost so much time blaming other people for the person you’d become that you never paused to realize this whole time you had perhaps been mourning the person you never got to grow into. You were slowly becoming that person every single day. You had lost years to someone who stifled your growth and kept you small and bent on the need for reassurance, acceptance and love. One of the most painful things you’d ever experienced was coming around to the idea that someone you were in love with did not love you the same way you loved them. Perhaps they hadn’t even loved you at all. You were not incapable of being loved. You were just never loved by the right person. That would be enough to bring life to a standstill for anyone, you believed.

you lost who you were and you had no idea who you were supposed to be. You don’t remember a lot from that time anymore. It had been too long and J didn’t like for you to revisit it on your own. J didn’t reflect on his past whatsoever. You used to think that was unhealthy, but maybe looking back too much is just as bad for someone. You looked back less and less every day, but still, those memories came where you could not block them out.

You failed to see all the good that had come out of your life and you overlooked your accomplishments and focused on your failures because sometimes those are the only things you can ever see. The feelings of failure and negative comparison to others overrule any sense of accomplishment or success. Once those blinders came up you could not see past them. You could not see that J was there and that he cared and that he hated to see you like this.

You couldn’t see that he was there taking care of you the way you had wanted for so long and have needed yet never received. He was there, pulling you into his chest as you sobbed into his shirt. He held you there, cradled you in his arms and didn’t say a word as you cried. He too had felt pain that sharp in his life. He wouldn’t talk about it or even acknowledge it, but you can sense it. He wasn’t good at hiding himself from you like he was with the rest of the world. You learned about people quickly. You were a listener. You knew a lot but you say very little and that is what makes you.

You hugged J as tight as you could, trying to feel something that wasn’t so bleak. Your stomach hurt and your eyes burned with tears. You needed someone to pick you up again when you fell.

“Ya don’t have to talk about it,” J whispered to you, holding fast to your much smaller frame as his arm supported your backside. ‘But I’d like for you to’. J never said fully what he was thinking or even what he wanted to say, but you could read between the lines. You knew what had given you the idea that j couldn’t be what you needed. It wasn’t any sort of lack of communication or really anything to do with him at all. That seed of doubt had been planted long ago by someone J didn’t even know of. He knew not of your past, where you’d come from, where you’d been, the things you’d dealt with or seen. You didn’t tell him any more than he told you about himself. He knew that certain things affected you or recovered memories better left forgotten, but he didn’t really know. He didn’t know what things had been like before you’d met him.

He didn’t know that you had been in love with someone else who played games with you and tormented your mind. He didn’t know that this person played with your emotions, made you sick with sadness for a month and a half that all you had felt was numbness. He didn’t know how little you remembered because of how unpleasant of a time it was. He didn’t know how much trouble you’d gone to for this person, only to not have the same generosity or kindness returned. He didn’t know that you had been used so terribly that you were so afraid of having it done to you again that you’d been timid of him at first until he’d made his intentions clear.

J didn’t know that someone had made you feel like you weren’t worth the kindness that you gave others. You didn’t tell him.

You felt your heart break a little bit more as you held onto J, hugging his shoulders as your tears left dark spots on his shirt, “J…” you hiccupped, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t doing enough. You are. I just don’t know how to tell you…”

“Tell me, uh, what?” He nestled against your body more, pressing his face against the column of your throat. His lips met the juncture where your neck met your shoulder, latching on as he suckled on the area lightly. J was the best at expressing affection with kisses and love bites. It was easy and didn’t require a lot of vulnerability. He could always give you a quick smooch and nothing would ever fall out of place again. You liked his kisses anyways and never asked him for more. J was as forthcoming on his own as he needed to be for you. Otherwise, you took the reins. You hugged him when you needed to be hugged, cuddled him when you needed to be cuddled and held his hand when you needed a hand to hold. J had never denied you any of that and perhaps that was the greatest gift you’d ever been given by another person. J didn’t fully understand what being held meant to you, nor why it was such a privilege. Truth be told, he was happy to do it (never without fake grumbles.) No one had really ever expressed physical affection to him his entire life. Maybe the only time anyone had ever really held him was when he was a baby and of course he’d been too young to remember. You treated him tenderly and lovingly, something he never believed he’d been missing in his life. He had never seen it as a disadvantage to have never been hugged or held hands with another person, at least until he’d found out what it meant to be missing those things. Once he had experienced them, he understood it better. He understood what it felt like to be closer to another person and why you craved it so much. When you go without something for the entirety of your life, you never expect that one day you’ll need it, but that’s the beauty of life: things change.

“I don’t know how to thankyou for not making me beg for any little scrap of affection that I need. Or for not picking mindless fights with me just to get me shaken up and then pretend like nothing happened. Or for just…thank you for never saying ‘I love you’.”

The last sentence took J by surprise. It was any young girl’s wildest dreams to be told they’re loved. Isn’t that what you had been craving? What was this about being unlovable, then thankinghim for not saying it? You had a very intricate mind, though J knew you too well to believe you didn’t have a purpose for the things you said or the emotions you felt. You always had a reason, whether he cared enough to ask or not. He held you a little bit tighter when you uttered the last sentence, feeling your body mold against his as he pressed you down against the mattress. His body enveloped yours, encasing you so that you should know you were not as alone as you felt, nor as worthless as you believed yourself to be. You were worth everything to J and he would have turned the world upside down and made time go in reverse just to show you that.

You pressed your nose into J’s greasy hair and inhaled. It had been a few days since he’d showered and he smelled of greasepaint, sweat and gasoline. You hummed appreciatively, “I think that ‘I love you’ is filler, for when there’s not a better sentence to be spoken. I don’t think the words themselves mean anything. I don’t think the word is supposed to fill in for the action.”

You gently nosed through J’s hair, letting yourself get lost in his scent as his arms wound around your body. He didn’t know what you didn’t tell him, but J was just as skilled in reading between your lines as you were with his. He didn’t have to hear you say it. He could hear it spoken to him through your eyes, your smile, and the way you loved him. How you loved him said it all: ‘I’ve been hurt before, but I won’t let that stop me from loving you like I’ve always loved’.

“Thank you, J,” you whispered gently once more, “thank you for never saying it.”

J didn’t need you to tell him why you didn’t want to hear him say the words. He already knew.

“you’re welcome, sweets.”

[arcanadreams]

OM Brothers as Hozier songs

I am a cottagecore lesbian, therefore this post was inevitable. Anyway here are the Hozier songs I think resonate most with the boys and their relationships to MC! Each will have a little explanation blurb (tho I am writing this before I start so I’ll probably get carried away asjdgkdj)

this is very different from my usual style so feedback would be greatly appreciated!! thanks :D

Lucifer -  As It Was

You are the home Lucifer comes to after losing his first one. He can never go back to the Celestial Realm, the place he was born and raised. But he doesn’t even want to when you are with him. 

You, and all that you are, are home. Being with you makes Lucifer feel a joy like he did before the otherness, the War, came. He never thought he could feel that way again. You are as bright as the lights of the Celestial Realm; a light he thought he would never see again. A light he thought he had dragged both himself and his entire family away from forever. But here you are, in front of him, shining with a light he had almost forgotten despite his best efforts to remember. 

And your love for him is unmoving. You know his past, you know his present, you know the worst sides of him. Hell, he tried to kill you before! And yet...your heart remains unmoved. He will never be able to express his gratitude for the way you waited for him, waited for his pride to subside, waited for him to realize the depth of his feelings for you. You welcomed him with open arms when he finally came home.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

Just as it was, baby Before the otherness came And I knew its name The drug, the dark, The light, the flame The highs hit the heights of my baby And its hold had the fight of my baby And the lights were as bright as my baby But your love was unmoved

Tell me if somehow Some of it remains How long you would wait for me How long I've been away The shape that I'm in now Your shape in the doorway Make your good love known to me Or just tell me about your day

Mammon - Sunlight

Your love is sunlight. Pure and simple. Your love is sunlight to Mammon, who has not known a soul like yours since the Celestial Realm. He loves his brothers, and he knows they love him, too, but their love feels conditional. Your love for him is unconditional, and you tell him so every day through the way you look at him.

He still doesn’t know how you put up with his waffling for so long. With the way he ran away from your affections, the way he put up walls between you to protect his aching heart. If your love was like his brothers’, if it required him to change...he didn’t think he ‘d be able to bear it. 

But you were stubborn. Almost as stubborn as him! And when you finally reached a stalemate you confessed. The moment “I love you,” left your lips, Mammon knew he was lost to you. He was lost in this foreign feeling and the only way out was in your arms. And from that moment he knew he would never leave your embrace, never leave your wonderful heart. 

He would sooner die before he let his sunlight be taken away.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

Oh, the tale is the same Told before and told again A soul that's born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight At last can grant a name To a buried and a burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight All that was shown to me, sunlight Was something foreknown to me, sunlight Oh your love is sunlight Oh your love is sunlight But it is sunlight Oh your love is sunlight Oh your love is sunlight But it is sunlight Sunlight

and

Each day you rise with me Know that I would gladly be The Icarus to your certainty Oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight Strap the wing to me Death trap clad, happily With wax melted I'd meet the sea Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

Leviathan - Like Real People Do

Levi has never cared for the company of others who are real, who are not figments of some grand author’s imagination. All they do is hurt him. He has had too many heartbreaks in his life to let anyone else into his story. He is a lone side character.

But then you came bounding into his book and tore apart every page with self-loathing words written on it. He fought you tooth and nail, but you just kept digging, straight to his heart. You dug yourself in deep, so deep he couldn’t move you even if he wanted to. Which, of course, he can’t even imagine doing now.

You’re real. And so is the love you have given him. With each kiss you prove to him that he is not some side story. He is the protagonist of his own adventure. You are his love interest, written to fit perfectly against his side when snuggling on dark nights. 

It took your arrival for him to realize just how much he longed for the company of real people, for the affection of real people. And I don’t mean in the literal sense of real- I mean people who are real with him. People who are truthful, who won’t hurt him with stinging words, barbs aims right at his psyche. You use your words to guide him without crippling him, and he is so thankful for that.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

Satan - Shrike

Satan had no idea there was any goodness in him. No idea he was capable of anything with a shred of goodness in it. That was, until you came along and showed him just how long his stone heart had only been lying dormant. It was never useless, as he had suspected. It just needed a skilled stonesmith to chip away at it carefully, which is exactly what you did.

Even as he felt you cracking away at his walls, he would not tell you how he felt. He knew from the first tap of your gentle hand on the rough rock of his heart that he was yours. That he always would be. But he could not utter his love. How was he to know if you did this to everyone you met? Was he as special to you as you were to him? Or was he just another sculpted heart in your collection?

He couldn’t hold out for long, though. Not when you were housing him in your heart’s warmth with no mention of reciprocation required. What was your scheme? Why were you showing such goodness to him, and at the same time revealing he was capable of the same? 

But when you whispered words of love to him, it all fell apart. The last chip of stone covering his heart shattered, as did his resolve to hide his love from you. He knows that you two will always be together, even after this lifetime ends. Perhaps the two of you will return, him as a thorn and you as his shrike.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

I had no idea on what ground I was founded All of that goodness is going with you now Then when I met you, my virtues uncounted All of my goodness is going with you now

and 

I was housed by your warmth Thus transformed By your grounded and giving And darkening scorn Remember me love when I'm reborn As the shrike to your sharp And glorious thorn

Asmodeus - Nobody

Asmodeus, unlike his brothers, has known love. He has bathed in love, breathed in love, slept in love. He knows love. And yet, in all his years, he has known no love like your love. 

Your love is a wholly new phenomenon to Asmo. So pure, unfiltered, unconditional. Surprise picnic dates you spent all weekend planning, bouquets of flowers waiting for him on his bedspread, hugging him when you’re all sweaty after a jog because you know it bothers him. There is a fondness in your every action, even when you simply pick a nail polish shade for him to use for the week. It is an unfamiliar sensation for Asmo to feel such love through an accidental brush of the fingertips.

Because of this, Asmo never wants you or your relationship to change. Damn everything he has known before, damn the opinions of anyone he knows, damn what he knows of love! Your love is the only love he cares to know, now. Your love and everything that comes with it. 

Asmo has had many adventures and love affairs in his time, and yet you are the only one he never wants to end.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

And I think about you though everywhere I go And I've done everything and I've been everywhere, you know I've been fed gold By sweet fools in Abu Dhabi And I danced real slow With Rockettes on dodgy Molly But I've had no love like your love Ooh from nobody I'd be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint I wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave But I want you to know that I've had no love like your love

Beelzebub - NFWMB

You are part of Beelzebub’s family. You have been ever since you slept beside him, holding his hand to keep his nightmares at bay. You are his family, and nothing fucks with his family.

Beelzebub’s family is his heart and soul. You are his heart and soul. He would do anything for you. Your little finger is stronger than any arsenal in the Devildom, because you have Beel wrapped around it. But part of the reason you have him in the first place is because he knows you would never use that to your advantage. You do not see Beel as a weapon, or a hungry beast, or a danger, nor even as an annoyance who empties the fridge every two days. No, you see him as Beel. And that’s all he can ask for. That’s all he wants.

Your affection for both him and his brothers is something he cherishes more than anything else. Nothing will harm you as long as he can help it. He has lost his family before, and he will not lose any ever again. The second your fingers interlocked with yours the night you slept at his side, he knew no harm would ever come to you from that moment on. 

Lucifer started a war for the ones he loved once long ago, and now Beelzebub knows that he would do the same.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

Nothing fucks with my baby Nothing can get a look in on my baby Nothing fucks with my baby Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing If I was born as a black thorn tree I'd wanna be felled by you, held by you Fuel the pyre of your enemies Ain't it warming you, the world goin' up in flames? Ain't it the life where you you're lighting off the blaze? Ain't it a waste it watch the throwing of the shade?

Belphegor - Would That I

Ever since the death of Lilith, Belphegor feared the fires of love, the fires of feeling, of emotion. He stomped on the embers of his heart and vowed never to light them again. It was easier to feel nothing than it was to feel her loss.

And then you...you and your blinding light, arrived. He hated you at first. He killed you, tried to put out your fire the same way he put out his own. But even death couldn’t douse your flame. You were a wildfire, one that had already spread to all his brothers and rapidly came to set him ablaze too.

It didn’t take you long to light him up. He knew it wouldn’t, but he still tried to fight it at first. The first word you spoke to him in the attic told him that if he were to ever burn bright again, it would be by your hand.

And that’s exactly what you did. Even after he had killed you, you fought to ignite the long-dead pyre of his heart. Your persistence wore him down until his lazy nature decided it would be easier to give in and let you burn him. He expected pain, expected scars, but instead he simply felt warmth. Your warmth. All the years he spent in the cold without even realizing it were suddenly over. He was warm in your arms, and he never wanted to leave again.

The lyrics I think resonate most with him:

With the roar of the fire my heart rose to its feet Like the ashes of ash I saw rise in the heat Settle soft and as pure as snow I fell in love with the fire long ago With each love I cut loose I was never the same Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame I was fixed on your hand of gold Laying waste to my loving long ago But that's not tonight  Where I'm set alight  And I blink in sight  Of your blinding light  And it's not tonight  Where you hold me tight  And the fire bright  Oh, let it blaze, alright, honey 

[bubbleteaimagines]

You Can Rest Now

Levi Ackerman Oneshot

Summary: People often wonder why Levi’s so cold. For a man that’s lost everything, it’s not so hard to see

Pairings: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Warnings: Ansgt, gore, death

Authors Note: I got this idea suddenly and decided to break my heart

there was speculation. there was always speculation, but none more about levi ackerman.

the short man had a notorious reputation. he was cruel, nonchalant and just generally didn’t seem to care.

he was different. cold. so cold in fact, that death didn’t even seem to faze him. he could watch someone die and be fine the next minute.

but was he? it seemed so.

all the recruits admired his bravery and strength, but they feared his attitude.

what had made him so cold, exactly? so...closed up? who or what had turned his heart into stone, causing him to shut out the world around him so easily?

how did he do it?

why did he do it?

what had caused him to snap?

it was simple, really. levi had made a mistake. long ago, when he was foolish enough to still believe in love and happiness in this retched world. long ago before he realized that love made you weak, he make the mistake of loving someone in this cruel, cruel, world.

-

flashback —

“shit! y/n, they’re gaining on us!”

after three years in the survey corps, you could safely say that those words were anything but a good sign. scratch that, those words were the worst thing to hear out in the field. an omen of death, if you will, but you tried not to think about that as you furrowed your eyebrows and gripped your horse’s reigns tightly.

“how close?” you made the mistake of asking your comrade. a lump grew in your throat as you guys trekked across empty land. no trees, no buildings, absolutely nowhere to even think about using your 3dmg gear.

“i...,” he was at a loss of words. neither of you dared to look back, so he had to go off of the thumping footsteps that were getting closer and closer. “i reckon in the next minute or so they’ll be...”

“got it,” you pursed your lips together, not wanting him to finish that sentence. you knew what was coming. you both did. the very ground beneath you shook due to the titan’s footsteps. the monsters that you had been battling your whole damn life. “you ready to kick some ass, then?”

“always.” his voice was weak, his hands trembling as he reached for his swords. but his spirit had not yet been broken. neither had yours.

the footsteps were getting closer.

“i say we stay in rank but finish this thing off. then we’ll speed up and catch the others in case some more come,” you told him

anxiety pooled in your stomach as you thought about the rest of the soldiers. wrong place, wrong time, you knew that. but you couldn’t help it — your mind flashed images of him and you couldn’t help but feel scared for him, wondering if he had made it back to the wall safe or if he was still stuck on the ground, like you.

levi was a much better fighter than you. he was fast, efficient, and a valuable fighter. humanity needed him, and he had to be kept safe to fight another day.

that was the only reason you guys had been split up. he was on the special forces team, you weren’t. a damn good soldier you were but you were needed on the outer side of the formation, you were needed to protect levi.

after two years, he still hated the idea of you risking your life to protect him. he had fought tooth and nail with you and just about everybody else to keep you safe, to keep you next to him at all times. but commander erwin wouldn’t allow it. he couldn’t, levi was needed to save humanity. you weren’t.

you guys had had this argument time and time again. and time after time, you had reassured him that you would make it back. that he would always find your tired but yet still smiling face waiting for him on top of the walls.

why should this time be any different?

“let’s move!”

before you could even think, you had a ten meter titan lunging at you causing you to yelp and yank your horse out of the way. the beast whined in terror, it’s fear possibly rivaling your own. unfortunately though, that didn’t cause it to go any faster. you were gonna be forced to take it down yourself — you wouldn’t be able to outrun it all the way back to the wall.

“y/n!” your comrade yelled as you were swiped at again. this time though, you stood up on your horse and launched yourself at the titan, your gear lodging itself in it’s shoulders.

“keep moving! i’ll take care of this!” you yelled out to him.

letting out an angry cry, you whipped around the creature at astonishing speeds and aimed straight at the back of it’s neck.

a routine kill, that’s all this was.

fire danced behind your eyes while the creature moaned and swatted it’s hands at you. 36, that was your number of solo kills. and soon, it was 37.

“take that you fat bastard,” you yelled and sliced it right in the weak spot, never missing a beat as you carved up the flesh. blood splattered everywhere from the fatal wound and steamed as it got on your face and clothes. the titan went limp, and soon you propelled yourself back to the ground and back on your horse.

“well, looks like petra and me are tied. can’t wait to tell her,” you grinned as you carried on riding, your partner sighing in relief.

“you really are one of the best, you know that? you totally just saved our asses,” he grinned back at you.

“yeah, and you’d do well not to forget it,” you chuckled. “next time there’s cake, i want-”

“Y/N LOOK OUT!”

there was a scream, and then there was a sudden pressure as an abnormal came leaping out of nowhere and hit you dead on.

you didn’t have time to react. you barely even had time to scream before everything went to shit, your horse flying away from you and you — oh god. your comrade screamed as you flew through the air, and appeared again only as you were clutched in the titan’s mouth.

“w-what?” you couldn’t move. your vision was blurry from the hit but what you could feel was it’s breath. blindingly hot, and rancid. you had a first row seat as you hung from the monster’s jaws, everything from your waist and below clutched tightly in it’s teeth.

“y/n, no!” the strangled cry of your fellow comrade was all too familiar. it was a helpless cry, one you had heard many times from many different people. it was a cry of death, a cry of sorrow if you will. it was the type of sound people made when they were face to face with death.

“son of bitch,” you moaned as you lifted your head up, your (e/c) eyes meeting the bright blue ones of the titan. “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

of all the ways to die, of all the times and situations, this just had to be it. with your luck, you were gonna be split in half by the ugliest goddamn titan you had ever seen.

“fuck me.”

dread pooled in your stomach.

as you stared down your killer, as you stared down death itself, only one thought crossed your mind.

“c-comrade,” you glared as the titan opened it’s mouth to devour you. “g-get out of here! you don’t need to see this!”

“y/n no! i’m coming!” he desperately clung to his gear, standing on his horse and preparing to take down the monster that was gonna kill his teammate. he couldn’t let that happen. he wouldn’t.

but you weren’t gonna let him die either. not whilst you were still alive.

“comrade! i said go! i’m the leader of this team so that’s an order!” you screamed at the solider causing him to freeze in place.

“no,” he whispered, watching as the monster’s jaws came down.

it was as if it were in slow motion. the universe dragging it out just so he could witness every detail. the moment you screamed profanities at the titan, promising that you’d see it in hell one day. the moment you ripped off your cape, letting one last piece of you remain on this earth. the moment you screamed for levi, yelling one last time how much you loved him.

the moment the titan’s jaws finally came down, cutting you in half.

everything stood still after that. time stopped completely, and your comrade couldn’t even scream, couldn’t even cry out for you as your eyes finally fluttered closed and your body went limp.

you were gone.

-

levi paced anxiously as he stood on top of wall maria. he had his hands behind his back, but his eyes were on full alert, searching the terrain in front of him for any signs of life.

for any signs of you.

levi didn’t understand. it had been well past an hour, and everyone had made it back except for your squad.

it wasn’t even a squad, really. just two people — so how could two people possibly be taking this long?

“captain, you should calm down. i’m sure y/n is gonna be fine,” petra placed a gentle hand on his shoulder but it did nothing to sooth levi.

“if they were fine they’d be back by now,” he snapped, his eyes darkening.

he didn’t want to admit it but levi was starting to lose hope. being gone for this long usually only meant one thing — but he refused to think about that. he refused to even let the thought cross his mind, shoving it so far back it was practically non existent. levi couldn’t think like that. he wouldn’t.

because it was no question whether you were okay or not. you had to be, there were no other options. no other scenarios other than you coming back alive and safe.

“captain—”

“silence!”

levi strained his ears as he heard hooves in the distance. he perked up.

it was the sound of a horse, most definitely. in fact, it was the sound of two horses, and in the distance he could see them galloping towards the wall, a titan right behind them and the lone rider.

levi’s heart swelled with hope.

“y/n!”

he was breathless as he ran towards the edge of the wall, igorning his fellow soldiers protests. extracting his swords, he quickly cascaded down the wall towards the person, hoping beyond hope that it was you.

commander erwin held out a hand to stop anyone from following him.

“don’t,” he warned, seeing how levi’s squad was gearing up. “this one’s for him.”

levi had never felt more eager in his life to escape into titan territory. quickly, he flew towards the rider and practically tackled them as he reached them.

“y/n, you—”

levi stopped dead in his tracks. confused, he tilted his head as he saw the grief-stricken face of your partner, but not you. in fact, you were nowhere in sight as the titan’s footsteps got louder.

“soldier, you had someone with you, yes? where is y/n?” levi demanded, completely ignoring the haunted and agonized expression of the solider.

“c-captain...i...,” how did he get the words out? how did your comrade look his captain in the eyes and tell him that you were gone — lost to the titan on a simple mission.

“well? we don’t have all pissant. spit it out,” levi snapped, becoming irritated at the lack of response.

where were you? if you hadn’t come back with your partner, then where the hell where you?

the soilder’s mouth moved but levi barely heard anything he said.

perhaps it was because he wasn’t standing close enough. or perhaps the titan’s thunderous footsteps drowned it out. or perhaps...it was because levi heard something he didn’t want to hear.

“dead?” levi tilted his head as if it were a foreign word. as if he had never heard the word before, when in reality it was probably the most used word in his vocabulary. “what do you mean y/n is...dead?”

the pieces didn’t fit. the word ‘dead’ and ‘you’ were apart of two completely different puzzles; they didn’t fit together. it was too wrong, too confusing for levi’s brain to pick up.

“t-they’re gone, sir,” the solider spit out painfully, letting out a wail. “w-we were on flat ground...the titan came out of nowhere...the abnormal...”

“shut up,” levi held his hand up as the pieces began to mold themselves. slowly, they transformed to fit each other.

“i-i’m sorry sir,” the soldier stammered, “t-they’re gone. they left this behind...but their body—”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” levi growled as anger began to flow through him, his fists twitching. the solider flinched back as levi’s death glare settled on him, burning holes through his skull.

“where do you get off on this? HUH?” levi yelled as he grabbed the man roughly, yanking him off of is horse. the beast whined in fear as the titan approached, but levi ignored it. instead, he focused on the red spots in his vision, pushing away the pain. pushing away the imagery that followed the solider’s words. all that was left of you was a cape...

“i’ll have you executed for this you bastard! you lying piece of shit—”

“CAPTAIN LEVI!” levi’s attention was diverted as commander erwin yelled out his name. briefly, he turned his attention to the wall where his fellow comrades and commander stood, horrified, “YOU HAVE A SITUATION!”

levi tore his gaze away from erwin and glanced over his shoulder. fast approaching was the titan that had followed the solider to the wall. an abnormal by the looks of it, with blood splattered all over it’s mouth.

levi felt his heart stop.

in the moment, it suddenly became real. he glanced at the solider’s terrified face, the cape in his arms that had your initials printed on it, and then back at the titan.

everything hit him at once.

and levi snapped.

“YOU BASTARD!”

he retracted his blades, squared his shoulders, and then zoomed off to battle the titan that that had murdered you. the love of his life.

levi saw red as an animalistic scream left him, his entire vision clouded with crimson as he made his target and slashed. levi slashed until there was nothing more to slash, the titan long dead and already dissolving by the time he was done.

“YOU ASSHOLE! YOU TOOK THEM! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”

“CAPTAIN! soldier, you need to restrain him and get back over the wall, NOW!” commander erwin shouted.

more titan’s were approaching. too many people were standing by the walls. too much prey.

but levi didn’t care. he was angry, hurt, and beyond the levels of revenge. his blades were stained with the blood of your murderer. he wouldn’t be able to rest if he didn’t end them all, right then and there.

“CAPTAIN LEVI! WE NEED TO GO!”

levi ignored the solider’s plea and stood his ground, hatred burning behind his eyes. he’d kill them, he’d kill every last one of them for what they did to you. his life be damned.

in that moment, it didn’t matter that humanity needed him.

he needed to avenge you.

“FALL BACK! DO NOT ENGAGE! I REPEAT, DO NOT ENGAGE! EVERYBODY STAND BACK!”

levi braced himself for the attack. he was running on pure hatred now.

he was dangerous when he was calm. but he was unstoppable when he was deadset on getting revenge for the one person he had left to care about.

“holy shit—”

“no way—”

“did he just?—”

all around levi was blood. crimson red soaked him to the bone, pouring over every inch of his body. it rained on him, like a sadistic waterfall carved out by levi’s sword.

but it wasn’t his.

none of it, not a single drop of the blood was his.

levi sheathed his now broken swords and leaned down to retrieve the only thing not soaked with titan blood. the only thing that wasn’t stained or reminded him of their treacherous, godforsaken existence.

“i did it,” he whispered, clutching your cape tightly. he held the fabric in his trembling hands, holding it over his heart as a way to hold you close— one last time.

“i killed that thing. you can rest now.”

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Long Way From Home Part 2

Summary: You and Natasha are left with the realization of what your future holds. 

Genre: Fluff

Request: Yes / No

Word Count: 2,408

* * * * * *

You weren’t entirely sure what to expect after Katya’s return home. Hope led you to believe that the situation would draw yourself and Natasha closer. But realism made you understand that if/when that ever happens, it wouldn’t be anytime soon.

Natasha was even more shocked than you were to find out that Katya was her daughter from the future. That shock went even deeper when she realized that Katya’s other parent was you.

Maybe it was that realization that pushed her to stay away from you. And you didn’t want to further push her away by being overbearing.

So for the first few days, you’d given her all the space she needed. You resolved to not speak to her unless she spoke first, you made sure she knew you were there whenever she was ready but didn’t become annoying about it.

But days turned to weeks and she hadn’t said or done anything. With the knowledge of what the future held in your head, coupled with the feelings you already had towards Natasha, you decided to take a different approach.

Switching some things around on your personal and work schedule, you made it so that the two of you spent more time together: working out and training, going on missions, having breakfast together whenever she was actually hungry. Hell you even volunteered to do public appearances with her and everyone knows how much you hate those. 

It was all in an attempt to get the woman you cared so deeply for to at least speak to you.

Luckily, it worked. Whatever the case may have been, her noticing the effort you were putting into being there for her or her getting annoyed with how persistent you are, she started to strike up little conversations when you were together. 

None of the topics ever held much weight but they seemed to make you both happier, helped lift that tension between you two. 

In a few weeks you two grew closer, as you’d hoped, occasionally throwing the term friend around which definitely grabbed the attention of your teammates, especially those who knew exactly how you felt about the redhead. 

While neither of you brought up Katya or what her presence meant, both of you thought about it a lot. With good reason. 

Having learned what you did from Banner during the “Time Heist”, you know that it’s possible that in this particular timeline you and Natasha don’t get together, or maybe you do but you break up, or you just never get married, or don’t have kids, or you adopt so you never have Katya. You’d have to talk to Doctor Strange to know the true number of possibilities but your head was ready to explode whenever you thought about it so you were fine not knowing. 

The one thing you hoped with all hope, was that you kept Natasha in your life. No matter what the future became you just wanted- you needed Natasha there. 

Only problem is, after all that progress you’d made in your relationship with her, everything stopped. Conversations, hanging out, seeing each other around, going on missions together. All of it went away. And it wasn’t because of you.

With how much your new schedule allowed you to see Natasha, you wouldn’t have dared to change it. Which let you know that it was her schedule that changed. Better put, she changed her schedule.

You aren’t sure what you’d done. The last time you spent together, the two of you had watched some movie that she really wanted to see. Conversation flowed freely, laughs and smiles exchanged in between. You’d ended up falling asleep during the sequel of the movie and woke up to her in your arms, her head tucked under your chin.

The moment had left you feeling completely content so, with her soft breaths against your neck and your arms wrapped around each other, you fell back to sleep with ease. Only to wake up to her gone. And you hadn’t seen her around since. 

After everything, after all of that, you refused to take steps back. You’d fight for her until she told you to stop. 

“Um, anyone see Natasha?” You ask, stepping into the kitchen.

Today marks a week of not seeing the redhead around as she continues to dodge you. You had been looking all over her, your search interrupted by Steve calling you and Bucky into a meeting regarding your last mission with him. But now that it’s over you’re back to looking for her. 

Sam, Bucky, and Wanda look up at you as you walk in. Your brunette friend raises her eyebrows at your question, tilting her head in silent curiosity. 

Chuckling quietly, Sam asks,“ she still avoiding you?” His eyebrows wiggle slightly as he asks, amusement in his eyes. 

You raise your eyebrow,“ I’m sorry Wilson I don’t understand what’s funny.” You tilt your head challengingly at him.“ Last I checked she’s still not giving you the time of day at all.”

Bucky and Wanda snort, struggling to hold in their laughs. Wanda bites her lip and turns away from Sam, having to sit her mug of tea down as she finally lets her laugh out. Which breaks Bucky’s resolve. Splutters of laughter leaving both of them as they face away from you and Sam.

He smacks his lips and waves you off,“ it ain’t even that funny.” He grumbles and looks down at his lunch. 

“What’s not funny?” 

Your eyebrows raise at the voice behind you, eyes slightly widening in hope as you spin around. Green eyes look into yours and Natasha’s pink lips press into a thin line before she turns on her heel and walks away.  

Looking back at the trio, you point at the spot Natasha had been in with a disbelieving chuckle. Only to have Wanda shoo you away, gesturing for you to go after Natasha. Understanding what she means, you immediately take off after the ex-assassin.

Luckily for you she hadn’t gone far.

You turn the corner and see her marching down the hallway. She’s moving much faster than you’d like, not giving you time to truly appreciate the tight yoga pants and tank top that adorn her body.  

Instead you focus on catching up with her, which doesn’t take much due to your enhanced genetics. Catching up to her just before she can get to her bedroom door, you reach out to grab her arm, gently pulling her back.

Only for her to twist her hand, grabbing your wrist and nearly slamming you into the wall, your arm twisted behind your back. You know if she wanted to she could make this hurt but she doesn’t. Most likely using it to intimidate you as she speaks.

“Stop following me Y/Ln.” She practically hisses through clenched teeth.

You turn your head to look at her over your shoulder.“ Usually I’d agree to that but not this time. I think I deserve some answers Tash.”

Using the little nickname causes her hold on you to loosen, her jaw unclenching.“ Don’t call me that.”

“Fine,” you huff, shoulders dropping as you turn your head slightly to hide your smirk.“ Just talk to me Natty.”

Her eyes roll and she drops your arm, stepping to the side and pushing her bedroom door open. Your eyes widen and you slip inside before the fingerprinted door closes and locks behind her. 

She quickly spins around as you step in and the door closes. Irritation writes across her features even deeper than before. 

“You can turn your ass right back around Y/Ln. I told you to stop following me.” Her arms cross over her chest.

Shaking your head you say,“ and I told you no.” A frown forms on your face as you look at her. Staring into those green eyes causes your feelings to swell.“ Don’t you see how this is hurting me? Being ignored by someone I care about without a single explanation as to why? And you can pretend that you don’t but it’s obviously affecting you too or you wouldn’t be so upset with me trying to talk to you.”

“Y/n just leave it alone. If I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to talk.” She tries to brush it off.“ We’ve gone without talking to each other before so just, go back to that.”

For a second you’re ready to walk away, catch her at a better time but you were done chasing her.“ No. I don’t want that and I don’t think you do either. Stop avoiding me and your feelings and just talk to me!” Your frustration pulls the words from your brain out of your mouth in an exasperated exclamation.

Natasha wastes no time returning the frustration.“ No okay!” She shouts, running her fingers through her hair.“ I don’t like feeling like this so I don’t want to talk about it!”

Eyebrows pinching together, you tilt your head in confusion.“ Feeling like what, Natasha?” A heavy sigh falls from your lips.“ You aren’t telling me something and it’s killing me.” 

Silence falls between you, once again stirring up that frustration.

“What feeling?” You beg her to tell you, more thankful than ever for soundproof walls, otherwise the whole team would hear your yelling.

She glares at you as if you’d personally offended her, then shouts,“ like I’m falling in love with you!” Her hands rise and fall with her words. Resting at her sides in clenched fists as she keeps shouting.

You drop your hands, shoulders sagging as you feel your heart swell. It seems to start beating a mile a minute and your face softens.“ You’re falling in love with me?”

“Yes. No! I don’t know.” Her voice strains as if she’s choking up.“ I don’t know if this is real or not. Just because Katya exists in some future doesn’t mean that she exists in ours. It doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to be together.”

Those words, that simple expression of her feelings makes you realize that she’s been thinking about the exact same things you had been. 

It’s not like what you’ve been feeling towards Natasha was forced. But you did worry if it was all just you subconsciously trying to make that future with Katya happen. Except you knew it wasn’t.

She: Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, ex-assassin/superhero, she’d had your heart long before Katya ever arrived. You fought it tooth and nail because the two of you weren’t on good terms but truth is, you’ve loved her since your first undercover mission almost 15 years ago. 

The first time your best friend had pressed her lips against yours in a sweet kiss meant to distract and deter your targets, you knew you loved her. Maybe she didn’t feel what you did then but she’s feeling it now.

“I love you.” You tell her, watching as she stops ranting and looks at you with scared eyes. Giving her a soft smile, you take a cautious step closer, reaching forward to take her hand. You squeeze it, as if to let her know that this is real, that what you’re about to say is real. 

“I’ve loved you for a long time now Natasha,” you take her other hand,“ Katya being here, the realization of who her parents are, that hasn’t forced my feelings for you. If anything it made me realize that I didn’t fight hard enough. I just let you go and I was so stupid for that. I should’ve tried harder to keep what we had, I should’ve said something about how I felt before.”

Green eyes bore into yours as you speak, a flood of emotions in them.“ Why say something now then? Why wait until you meet the little girl who we apparently parent? Just because it’s supposed to happen doesn’t mean it has to.” Her tone goes from genuinely curious to irritated in a matter of seconds. 

But you don’t let that hinder you. Instead you smile softly at her, letting your honest feelings show in your eyes.“ Because I don’t think we’re supposed to be together. I think we’re meant to be together. Everything we’ve been through together, every laugh and argument, every insult and compliment, it’s all led us to this very moment.”

Fear overtakes her other emotions and it settles in her eyes. 

“And yes it’s scary, terrifying even, but that makes it all the more beautiful. We can run from this. We can act like we don’t love each other, act like this isn’t what we want. But we both know that we,” you pull her hands up to press against your chest, knowing she can feel your heart pounding,“ this is home. It’s everything we need and more than we ever could’ve asked for.”

You see the battle in her eyes, you get a little scared that she’ll choose to run from it, so in a last attempt to fight for this you ask,“ don’t you think we’ve been away from home long enough?”

Like the clouds parting when a storm ends, you see Natasha’s eyes light up. They get bright as she stares at you and you finally finally see that gorgeous smile. 

She pulls her hand from yours and before you can get dejected about it, she wraps it around the back of your neck and pulls you down.

When she speaks you feel the breath of her words against your lips,“ I’ve been looking for a true home for a long time.”

You understand exactly what she’s trying to convey, you hear the unspoken admission of feelings and you feel her opening the door for you to come in. So you do the same in return.

“I promise I’m not gonna hurt you Romanoff.”

In a split second her lips press against yours and it’s like you’re taken back in time. Those same feelings you’d had when she kissed you for the first time come back tenfold. Soft pink lips mold against yours as you place your free hand on her hip to pull her closer.

For a moment you wish you didn’t have to breathe as you wanted nothing more than to continue to kiss her. But your lungs start to protest at the lack of air so you both reluctantly pull away. 

Natasha rests her head on your chest and you wrap your arms around her.

With her in your arms you can’t help but to think: It feels good to be home.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @owloftheshadows @natasha-danvers