#//but am too tired to try to write that today

[ladymarvel27]

Frazzle 🎀 Carlos Sainz

Carlos Sainz x Reader

Series Master List

Description: Can he return on time for the date?

f1 masterlist

“But why?” You almost shout out.

“This,” he opens his phone and shows you the message of details, “an event is today, and a meeting tomorrow.”

“I waited two weeks for this date!” You sat down on the edge of the bed, throwing your hands in the air frustrated. “TWO WEEKS!”

“Don’t worry. It’s just a small event. I will try to return by evening, okay?” He assures, placing his hand on your shoulder. You don’t say anything, your head hanging low. He lifts your chin and holds your gaze, “I promise you, I will be back on time.” You softly nod. “Now let’s get your dress before you leave for work, huh?” A small smile makes its way to your face.

The dress he got you hangs neatly in your wardrobe-Pink in colour. You lined up other accessories, a pair of earrings and a necklace to see how they look with it. Your phone dings.

Princess, how are you? He had messaged you.

Yeah, just returned, you? You replied.

Just attending this boring event.

Looks like you’re not enjoying.

Missing you so much me reina, he sends.

I am also missing you, my bear, you texted

Btw I have made dinner for you, check in the refrigerator.

Oh. You went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. You smiled when you saw an airtight container with a sticky note attached, ‘Dinner for you, Senorita’, and a kiss emoji next to it.

Thank you, Senor, you messaged him.

He sends a kiss emoji

Enjoy the dinner amor, going to dinner too, adios, He wrote.

Adios, my love, you replied and closed your phone.

After doing all your chores, you lay on the bed.

Going to sleep, you ate? He messaged.

Yeah, thanks for the dinner, I was too tired, the message was sent, received and read immediately. You smiled.

Few seconds later, he replies, Mention not mi amor

Btw, when will you return?

I have a meeting tomorrow, I will return by evening.

Good to hear.

It will be like the first date. I will pick you up from your home, bring you flowers, see the sunset together and couple dance to your favourite song.

So romantic, aha, you giggle as you write, remembering his old Renault interview. You send him a gif:

😂😂😂, he replies.

How was the event?

Ah, it was boring, but it was important for sponsorship. How was your day?

Yeah, fine, but I am exhausted.

You should go to sleep.

Yeah, I am in bed.

Good.

Goodnight, bear.

Goodnight, princess.

You closed your phone and placed it on the nightstand. You looked around the room, taking in everything. You smiled to yourself, excited for tomorrow's date. Your hand reached for the table lamp’s switch, you turned it off and went to sleep.

The next day, you returned in the early evening to get ready.

Got the flight, will reach by 7, he had texted you few minutes before.

Have a safe journey, you texted, but the message wasn't received by the other end. ‘He is in flight, it’s obvious’, you thought. Your stomach rumbles. You placed the phone on a charger and went to eat something.

You open the refrigerator to take out the face pack you will use. The water bottles were looking at you, but you ignored them. You didn’t want to go to the washroom in between. Leave them. Half an hour later, you come out of the shower and put on your dress. You put on some music while grooming yourself. You hummed to the music looking in the mirror. You weren’t a master, so you only put on a little so that it won’t ruin your look. You applied the finishing lipstick and pouted in front of the mirror. An hour later, you got ready. You decided to open your phone. The message was still not received. You looked at the clock. It was half past seven.

Carlos, where are you??? You messaged him. ‘What happened? Has he again gone missing like on Tuesday?’ You thought.

You sat on the couch and waited, but the message wasn't even reaching him. You tried calling him several times, but the bell wasn’t ringing. You put on your flats and went outside. Maybe he wanted to surprise you. But no signs of him. It was so hot, but you were still standing. Your throat felt dry. After it became intolerable, you went inside, to the balcony instead.

Your eyes roamed all over the neighbourhood, looking for his car if it was approaching. Your body was drying up, but you seemed to ignore it. You were already tense about Carlos. He wasn’t picking up calls, and your messages weren’t reaching him. You called his parents, but they seemed to come across the same problem. He wasn’t ignoring you. The calls weren’t reaching him.

The streetlights were suddenly turned on, blinding you. Your head felt heavy. You held the railing, trying to support yourself as you sat on the floor against the balcony. You tried getting up, but your steps staggered as you slumped on the floor.

Seperators credit: @saradika-graphics @saradika

Taglist: @faithshouseofchaos @itsjustvs4

[juliaia]

Rainy Nights in Hell's Kitchen

—————————————————————

Summary: You’ve been dating Matt for about a year—you always sleep better when you’re with him.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x gn!reader

Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, fluff, overuse of em-dashes.

A/N: This is super short and sweet, but I wanted to try writing for Matty. Totally feel free to request stuff if you enjoy, but I post fics at random whenever the urge strikes, so I’m not like an “official tumblr fanfic person” or whatever—but I sure am here!

—————————————————————

It was a dark and stormy night—and usually you wouldn’t mind that. The rain is pretty peaceful, and with the windows open you can catch the cool night air and the smell of petrichor on the breeze.

But today has been long and tiring, and lately you’ve been having really vivid, unpleasant nightmares.

You’ve kept them mostly to yourself, tying them to the general stress of day-to-day life and maybe a dash of unresolved trauma—but they’re just nightmares. They’re silly, and you are definitely not afraid to go to bed tonight in your own room in the dark, with the occasional, startling boom of loud thunder in the background.

The fact that you immediately answer a much too eager, “yes”, when Matt asks if you want to stay over at his apartment is totally unrelated.

So now, you’re sitting in the bathroom with Matt, getting ready for bed.

He looks so damn pretty in the slightly dim lighting. His face is cast in a soft glow, his bare chest is looking like a very warm, very comfortable pillow, his sweats are fitting him very nicely and making his butt look exceptionally cute—but to be fair, he always looks sinfully good. You’re pretty sure you could watch him just exist for hours on end.

You see a grin creep onto his face as he feels your eyes on him.

“You’re staring, sweetheart.” He says, pushing his hand through his hair as he turns towards you and holds out a hand. You take it, and he leans in to kiss your forehead.

“Just watching you. You’re pretty.” You say. His grin softens to something less mischievous and more fond and sweet, and he leans in again, this time planting a soft kiss on your lips.

“You’re prettier.” He murmurs—he’s got this shamelessly lovesick look on his face. You chuckle and roll your eyes.

“Says the blind man.” He gives your hand a playful squeeze.

“I can still tell you’re pretty—ready for bed?” He asks. You hesitantly nod.

“Uh, yeah, alright.” He raises an eyebrow.

“…You’re usually more enthusiastic about sleeping.” You sigh, the two of you walking over to settle into bed on top of the cool silk sheets.

“I’ve just been having weird, bad dreams.” You explain. Matt’s face goes all soft and sympathetic.

If there is one thing Matt is, it’s protective. Which is usually sweet, but occasionally overdramatic to the point of hilarity. For example—two weeks ago, you got a papercut while opening a package (one of those awful cardboard-paper-cuts), and the moment Matt heard you let out that little hiss of frustration and pain, he came rushing over to fuss over you, face painted with concern as he took your hand and frantically examined the wound. It’s especially funny considering how he insists you don’t need to worry about him when he shows up at 3 in the morning after patrol, bleeding from a stab wound in his side, or on the verge of passing out from a concussion.

So, you mention the nightmares, and Matt goes all soft, pulling you against his chest, holding you close, kissing the top of your head.

“Oh, angel, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks. You shrug.

“Eh, you’ve got other stuff on your plate—they’re just nightmares.” Matt shakes his head, nuzzling his face into your hair and inhaling deeply.

“They’re upsetting you, and ruining your sleep.” He murmurs, kissing the top of your head.

“Matty, babydoll—“ He cuts you off by pulling back and pressing his forehead against yours, his warm eyes unfocused and unseeing but somehow still so damn emotional.

“Sweetheart,” He says. “You always take care of me. Let me take care of you, please?”

Dammit—Matt and his stupid puppy dog eyes. That sweet soft sad look he gives you, the pleading, pouty face, his pretty pink lips and big dumb wet eyes. You relent, sighing in defeat, and he grins, pulling you into his arms, kissing your cheek, and dragging you to bed, laying down with you.

“I’m here, okay?” He murmurs, kissing the top of your head. You grumble, folding yourself into his arms, smushing up against his chest. He rubs your back, holding you close. “Nothing gets to ruin your sleep except for me.” He says. You snort, giving his bicep a squeeze–oh those wonderful thick arms of his.

“Dork.” He pulls you over, tucking you against his chest for a cuddle. He nuzzles his face against the top of your head.

“I’m here. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. No nightmares.” He says. You smile, hand finding his, fingers lacing through his own.

“I don’t know if you have any control over what I dream about, but I appreciate it anyway.” You say. Matt yawns softly, kissing your temple.

“I’m just gonna hold you so tight the nightmares won’t be able to get you.” He loves having you so close, loves being able to protect you and cuddle up with you to sleep. He presses his nose and mouth into the crook of your neck, letting out a happy growl. You reach back to ruffle his hair.

“Thanks, Matty.” You murmur. He nods, kissing your cheek.

Curled up in his arms, you fall asleep easier. The rain falls outside, soft pitter patters on the window panes as Matt’s steady breathing lulls you to sleep.

When you wake up at two in the morning, hands gripping the sheets, Matt wakes up with you, pulling you closer and kissing your temple, hands coming up to rub your shoulders.

“Hey angel, you’re okay. I’m here.” You push yourself further into his arms, body shaking slightly as you wrap your arms around his arm, holding it against your chest. “I’m here.” He rubs your chest, hand drawing soothing circles against you. “What can I do to help, hm?”

You just push yourself closer to him, and he settles you into his lap, shushing you gently and kissing the top of your head. He holds you tightly, hand gently rubbing over your racing heart in a gesture he hopes is grounding and comforting.

You tuck your face against his warm neck, inhaling the scent of him, pressing a soft kiss to his skin. He chuckles, hand coming to cup your cheek, his face tilting down and his nose nudging against yours. You wrap your arms around him, too tired and shaken up to be embarrassed about seeking him out for comfort. He cuddles you against him, laying back with you against his chest.

You’re quickly lulled back to sleep by the soothing sounds of his breathing and heartbeat, and after that, you sleep solidly through the night without any issues. Matt’s warm arms wrapped around you, blankets cozy and soft, the rain and thunder outside becoming gentle background noise.

In the morning, Matt wakes you up with a few soft kisses on the temple, stirring you to consciousness, drawing a little grumble from you. He chuckles, rubbing your back gently.

“Sorry sweetheart, I couldn’t resist.” He pecks you on the lips. You hide your face against his chest, trying to block out the light from the window. He kisses the top of your head, throwing his leg over your hip to pull you closer. He’s so warm, and he smells so good, and he’s cuddling you close like you’re the most precious thing in the world. “Did you sleep okay? Aside from the bad dreams?” He asks, hand resting on your back. You nuzzle your face against the crook of his arm. You did sleep okay, you felt safe and warm in his arms, held close in his arms.

“Mhm. Slept better with you.” You say. Matt grins, face flushing as he snuggles you closer, squishing you against him.

“You should stay over more often. Move in with me, so I can keep you safe from all the nightmares.” He says, fingers brushing through your hair. You smile softly.

“…Shit, are you asking me to move in with you?” You ask. Matt kisses your forehead.

“Depends…would you say yes if I was?” You chuckle.

“Yes, yes I would.” Matt smiles, nuzzling his nose into your hair.

“Then yes, yes I am asking you to move in with me.”

“And I’m saying yes.”

[truly-quirkless]

Twenty Day Challenge 2024 - Day Four

Type: Fluff Piece Timeline: Post-Sports Festival/Evan's Attempt/Pre-Summer Camp Location: Yagi's Apartment

WARNINGS: Depiction of a panic attack.

"Stop...stop..." They couldn't hold it back- not forever. They could feel the tidal wave approaching their mind, hands slowly rising to grip at their hair. They could feel the pressure along their skull, skin refusing to give way from so minimal a tug.

I'm going to die---

"Stop,---please,--" It was sprinting. Darkness--- they could feel their breathing increasing, growing from normal to panicked, short gasps for air. They couldn't breathe. They were suffocating. "---stop,--" A hand raised from their head. They brought it down, feeling their own knuckles slam against their skin. "--stop, stop stop stop...!"

I don't want to---

The strikes to their head increased. The pain was starting to register as a low-level buzz. But even so- they couldn't sense it. Couldn't react to it. All they could see in their mind's eye was an infinite abyss. A yawning, stretching void. The nothingness---

"Stop--stop," They didn't want to. They didn't want to. All they could think was to beg. Beg for the thought to end. For the panic to fade. Salty tears began to fall. They weren't aware of their bedsheets dampening as they curled into a tight ball. Anything- anything to be. "Please,- please I'm sorry!" Couldn't---- get----

Please---

STOP--

The emptiness. The nothing. Just beyond their reach- waiting--- they were going to go to it- one d---- STOP PLEASE---

The buzz was a dull ache, now.

Please--- please please pleasepleasepleasepleasestop--stop- stop stopstopstoppleasestopstoppleaseplease---

[]

He'd been feeding Prism when he heard their voice. Fin's cat perked up, her ears swiveling as Yagi stood frozen for a moment. He'd spent too long in the Hero gig to not recognize the specific tone their voice had taken. He all but dropped Prism's kitty food, just barely remembering to put it down to not break the bowl as he took off for his bedroom.

"Fin...?" No sudden movements. No unpredictability. He didn't want to risk sending them deeper into the hellhole they seemed to be engulfed in.

"pleasepleasepleasepleaseI'msorryplease--I'msorryI'msorry--stop--stopstopstoppleasestop," Their hands were curled into fists, one holding their hair while the other rapped lightly against their skull. He could see the light reflecting off tracks of tears on their cheeks, see the definition of their body under the blankets, curled into a tight ball.

"...Fin...you can get through this." He moved to rest on the bed, careful to go slow. Fin's murmuring had broken up, fracturing into bits and pieces as their words became little more than a jumbled mess. "..just tell me what you need." He kept his tone even, his eyes flickering over their body. Their speech had totally disintegrated. What had been unknown pleadings to someone for it to 'stop' had disappeared, their knuckles pressing against their own skull- but no longer hitting it. "You're doing g-"

Fin's hand shot out from under the covers, grabbing Yagi's wrist with far more force than he was accustomed to. Even so, their grip softened not a moment later- their hand sliding up his arm as they snuck out from under the covers.

Yagi's blanket fell off, pulling their hair into a wilder format as they pulled his arm towards them. Their mouth opened- just barely, lips almost pressing together again. Yagi shifted cautiously, turning to more fully face the brunet as the last of his blanket pooled behind them. He could feel his heart picking up its pace in his chest. Are you okay?

"...to-uch..." Their voice was barely a whisper. It was nearly a choked gasp, like they were being strangled. They pulled his arm closer, fingers ghosting over his skin- only to press down. It was like they were worried their hand would sink into him.

"...is it okay if I?...." He received no response. Fin shuffled until their body was pressed against Yagi's. He could feel their breath, quick and rapid. He took in a small one of his own. They were still breathing so rapidly... "....can you breathe with me, Fin?..." They looked up. He met those eyes he knew so well, seeing the overwhelming fear burning in them. He made a show of slowly opening his mouth, forcing an audible inhale. "...in..." It quickly made his single lung ache- but he didn't stop. "...hold..."

They were still breathing so fast. Their hand tapped his chest- then his shoulder. It hooked there, the other squeezing their hair.

"...out...."

They stared at Yagi. Real. Real. Real--- not fake. Real. They clutched at his shoulder- their hand trailing down the length of his arm once more. They let go of their hair. The dull throb of pain in their skull registered somewhere in the back of their thoughts.

Real...

Focus on that.---

His skin was warm...they could feel the musculature underneath. Their touch drifted to his fingers, feeling the elongated digits one-by-one.

"....in...." Breathe in.... His palm felt like grit. The food he gave Prism. Prism. Real.--- "....hold...."

Their breathing was beginning to calm. Yagi could feel their hand wandering along his skin- pressing in at random points. They clutched at his fingers, their smaller digits squeezing for a moment.

"...out..." Yagi let out his breath. Fin was no longer panting for air. An amount of clarity had returned to their eyes, and their touch dropped- falling onto their own leg. They leaned their head against his arm. Beams of moonlight drifted from Yagi's window, reflecting softly off Fin's hair. "...good..." He rested his arm on their opposing shoulder, drawing them close to himself with a small sigh. "....you're safe, Fin..."

He felt their hand move against his leg, resting in a strange position. It only took a quick glance to see the small shape they'd formed with it- ASL. I love you.

"....I love you, too..." He murmured. "...and I promise...I'll keep you safe." Even against their nightmares...he'd do his best.

"...thank you..." Yagi raised a thumb, wiping it slowly under one of Fin's eyes...and then the other.

"...of course, love..." He raised his other arm, fully hugging his small soulmate to his chest. "...you can rest...I've got you." And if they started to lose themself again...he'd be right there, to help guide them back.

[cerise-on-top]

Hello love! Hope you are well!

So I’ve had this cute idea for a while with AleRudy poly! Where Alejandro and their s/o spoil Rudy for a day, like make him dinner,, whatever you think lolz and then end it by both Ale and s/o spooning him?? I think it would be adorable!!

Hey there! I don't think I made this as fluffy as I could have, and for that I am truly sorry! But I tried!

Spoiling Rodolfo

I feel like he’d be surprised at first. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t doubt the love you and Alejandro have for him one bit, but he never would have thought you’d go out of your way to spoil him this much. First you bring him breakfast in bed, essentially waking him with a kiss to each side. It was all there, French toast, eggs, orange juice. He didn’t have to lift a finger. Naturally, as he got out of bed, he’d try to make it up to you by cleaning up after himself, only for you and Alejandro to stop him from doing so, forcing him back onto the bed once again. Rodolfo would grow suspicious. Did he miss an important date? Did the both of you miss an important date? It wasn’t like it was his birthday either, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember something that you did where you had to make it up to him either. For the time being, he’d simply accept his fate. Eventually, he would get up to check up on you. And then there was the barrage of gifts. They were lovely, naturally, but what did he do to deserve them? Again, he would grow even more suspicious. From the beautiful flowers to the small stickers you stuck on him, he wouldn’t know what to do. However, he wouldn’t say something immediately. Maybe he can think of why you’re being especially nice to him himself. Were you about to get into a lot of trouble? Were you just trying to get on his good side?

Of course, Alejandro made the suggestion of going out together, spending the time outside to do whatever it is he wanted. And then came the idea of having a picnic, since it was nice and warm outside. As you went to pay for all the items, with Rodolfo already taking out his wallet, you almost tackled him to get him to put it away. Alejandro paid, even though he shouldn’t have. You were three people, and with the amount of snacks you bought it didn’t come cheap either. From a massage to a heartfelt poem from you, it all started to seem like a little too much. Again, Rodolfo doesn’t doubt the love you feel for him, but it seems a bit off. However, you wouldn’t give him a satisfying answer either when asked about it. Were you going to break up with him after all this time? Making your last day together as beautiful as possible so he had something to cry over? He hoped not, but it didn’t seem impossible with how nice you were being towards him. A kiss to the cheek, you even gave him a plushie of a small cat, claiming its silliness reminded you of him. Why on Earth would you do all of this? Why go to these lengths?

Even around dinnertime, when you wouldn’t let him help out, he almost felt a bit sad. Sure, it was nice to not have to lift a single finger for a day, but why? He loved helping out, you both knew that. He was very much an active man at home, doing what he could to keep everything clean and in order. He didn’t mind cooking for you either, pouring his heart and soul into every meal for you. Rodolfo adored doing something for you, so he wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of it all. The meal was delicious, but he felt almost sad as he was unable to help you out at least even a little bit. You watched his favorite movie with him, you took pictures of him with his silly cat plushie, hell, you would have likely spoon fed him as well on that day. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. What have the both of you been up to? He would ask you again regarding it all when you were spooning him, trapping him on either side. It would take the most embarrassing nicknames that you only use on him to calm his nerves. Something along the lines of “Hush, Rudy-Poody, can’t we show our love and appreciation for you for once? You always make us feel good, so it was time to return the favor.” and “Mi esposo, you need to have more trust in us. Sometimes we just wanna see you smile as well. Cheer up, we just wanted to spoil just once in this life.”

He’d sort of cringe at the nickname you gave him, but it was the reassurance he needed since you only ever used it when you were being especially sappy. You didn’t get in trouble again, you were simply a bunch of lovesick fools. He’d give you a kiss on the nose and a smile. However, he would also try to turn around as Alejandro was spooning him, only for the colonel to not budge in the slightest, saying that Rodolfo shouldn’t be tossing and turning like this. No kissy for Alejandro it seemed. Rodolfo was this close to just wrestling him down for that kissy. Although he can’t really get used to the feeling of being spoiled, he will accept it for just that day. He will pay the both of you back in his style, though. You will also be spoiled. He couldn’t wait to team up with one of you to spoil the third one. All three of you will have had a day like this at some point.

[piningpercussionist]

transfem scott getting lots of support from ramona and kim in the early 2000's when shit's very taboo but they all 3 have a fire forged bond and lord if they aren't going to make sure they're all as happy as they can be because they've come this far and I dunno it just makes me happy all three of them

YES YES YES

It makes me very happy as well,,

Like I've said before. General Trans Scott enthusiast here- I love the idea of their little support network *violent coughing* I (we?) mean polycule *violent coughing* so fucking much.

Ramona I think has a bit of a more gentle hand with reassuring Scott with gender issues, but sometimes she just can't help herself from some pointed banter or teasing- how could you with someone so dense? (Said w affection)

And then Kim I think is more blunt. But like, in a good way mostly, you know? The kinda blunt that makes you snap to attention and go "Oh. Yeah that was silly of me." And if Ramona's started some sort of banter? Kim is SO piling on. Maybe sometimes she's a bit TOO blunt with it- but it's only because she's so firm in her support. She wants Scott to Get It Together- and be happier for it. So if some ribbing now and again is in order, then goddamnit she will do so! Anything to crack that shell.

And ohhh can you imagine how they would react to some transphobic bullshit?? Unholy terror would be driven into the offender before they walk off with an absurd amount of coins between them. I can feel it in my bones. Scott doesn't even have to lift a finger (if the transphobe is even noticed/processed at all, bc I honestly can see Scott just. Not realizing someone's being transphobic.) Kim giving someone a lashing with her tongue as distraction and then Ramona coming in with the hammer- BAM! Free Money! Paying literally with your life for your transphobia. A Better And Just World.

And of course (transfem Scott more specifically, here,) the way Scott would start to flourish under their support... cagey and maybe a little (perhaps a lot-) resistant to start- but Kim's blunt affirmations and no nonsense attitude for bullshit (which is what Scott insisting on "being cis" would be, c'mon now,) and Ramona's also low bullshit tolerance but less Stabby (bc I won't lie, that's probably how Kim's comments would feel,) assurances? Ough... My Heart... Be Still-

I would Kill for them, Your Honor-

(Ran out of tags so putting this in the body of the post- I am SO tired someone pls sound off if this isn't as coherent as I am hoping this is. I WAS trying to nap and get the extra sleep I desperately needed but the writing bug... it Bit Me.... only a little but enough to stop that process-)

[notasapleasure]

I'm so tired I just wanna read Brassian smut you can't ask me to write it as welllll ;;_;;

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Not sure even the jcs soundtrack can save me tonight

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <333

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: January 2

"It's Not All About You" by Lawrence

[velvetineblue]

I couldn't sleep so I Bedazzled tai's carrd .

[roses-and-tears]

.

[seiwas]

hope everyone is having a great day/night!! ☀️🌙 what’s one thing that made u happy today !!! / u’re excited for !!!

[ranvwoop]

i found some older writing and the prose is good but i need to get a handle on the characterization orz. who is this man.... what do i have to say about him....

[merspots]

Another reason not to let your cats free roam

TW: Animal injury (but hopefully the cat will be okay)

Well, I just had to rescue one of my neighbors' cats from dangling from a fence by her back leg :/ I don't know how long she had been stuck there, but hopefully not too long, and she's with her owners now so will be getting checked by a vet.

She was lucky that I seem to have an ear for crying cats, though, because no one else was out looking for her, not even the people in the houses on either side of the fence she was stuck in. I fear what would have happened if I wasn't one to go looking and she was stuck there until who knows when.

Just remember this when you let your cats free roam - it is very easy for them to get injured and for no one to find them until it's too late. So please don't let them if you can.

[mittenlady]

thinkin about klavquill

(the audience boos)