#@new-berry hahaha

[longeyelashedtragedy]

decided to write different scenarios in different styles etc to see what sticks

He wakes up with a hangover like a bloody teenager and a headache so bad it takes his vision a few seconds to kick back in.

Everything’s blurry–well of course, he needs his glasses and then he can sort it all out.  He can find the things in the dark with his hands tied, but his glasses aren’t there because–something’s not right.  The table next to the bed isn’t right.  It’s not his.

He’s too old to be kidnapped, too old, too dusty, the opposite of his old best friend Harry who’d probably get himself kidnapped and then charm the fucker into taking him right back home.  There has to be a normal explanation, so he feels around on the strange table, slapping his hand on things.  Pills stick to his hand.  He’s sweaty and they’re all over the table.

His hand hits a bottle of something, nails bouncing off with a clanging noise, and thank God, he feels his glasses next to it, and now his hangover's still there but the world is back.

There’s a lot to take in:

The shameful blue pills scattered all over the table that isn’t his.

His name printed right there on the open container.  He’d asked them if they could prescribe the damn things without his name on it.  He doesn't have that kind of power.

The bottle is one of his bottles of good whiskey.  The cap’s off.  It’s empty.

The bed isn’t his.  Too small.

It’s sunny–too fucking sunny for a hangover like this one–and he hears the familiar birds chirping outside.  He hears the shower.  Someone’s showering in his empty house. The sound is on the wrong side of the wall.

And there on the wall opposite him: paint chipping where things have been removed, but something’s still there.  An old card; someone’s drawn a football on the front of it, and the ink is faded but the words are clear enough.  Happy birthday, Frankie!

Another paper, also faded.  Brentwood School Latin Award, 1993–

When he realizes it, it hits harder than the hangover.  

What in God’s name is wrong with me?

Birds, shower, something buzzing on the floor over and over.  He rolls over to grab it, to shut the fucking thing off.  Rolling over makes his head pound.  It’s someone else’s phone.

Messages are pouring in on the screen and each one feels like it’s inside his head, kicking his skull.  He can’t see what they say, only who they’re from.  Frankie.  Frankie.  Frankie.  Frankie.  Frankie.  Frankie.  Frankie.  Frankie.

A pale neck, head thrown back to finish his good whiskey without asking.

You’re a terrible fucking person.  But you know that, don’t you?  You act like you know.  You’re disgusting.

And you’re a real bitch, a real fucking bitch is what you are, sweetheart.

Is that all you’ve got?  All that and those pills?  I see worse on the internet every week. There’s whole forums with jealous women talking about me.

What’s a forum?

Jesus.  What’s a forum.  Have you got any more whiskey? 

The shower turns off.

Frankie

Missed call

He wonders if he should pick up next time.  Now you want my attention?  Well, now you’ve got it.

Footsteps in the hall.

Are you happy ? I'm drunk enough to say fuck it. I know this is what you’ve wanted.  You’ve never shut up about it.

Well, she wasn’t wrong.  She’d always been smarter than Frankie’s last one–but stupid enough to ignore the poor kid this morning.  Frankie Frankie

Frankie

Missed call

He hopes he hadn’t gotten drunk enough to run his mouth.  Tell her the reasons.

The footsteps get closer.

He puts his head under Frankie’s old, yellowed pillow.  He’s always been a fucking coward. 

[jjenthusee]

Subtle Stitches

jason todd x reader

A/N: i had an idea then it kinda spiraled? idk if in a good or bad way but i kept adding more and more. i’m also so exhausted from day to day life so this is to comfort myself HAHAHA so ENJOY :D

Tags: fluff, domestic jason, silly jason, toxic jason if u squint but i’m blind to that 😌 and slight angst but all is well :)

You tiredly started putting clothes in the washer, throwing mixed pieces of clothing from your pile and Jason’s pile.

Colors were first, a mixture of fabrics placed in the machine.

After emptying the laundry basket, you remembered the shirt you threw on the floor from this morning. A bad habit you’ve started to pick up as you rushed to get to work on time.

Unsure of the precise outfit you wanted, multiple changes, then changing back into the original outfit, it gave you a pile of clothes thrown last minute.

You grabbed the shirt off the floor.

It wasn’t dirty necessarily, but now you wanted to wash it.

On your way back from the bathroom, you noticed a spare sock thrown sadly outside the door.

Then a completely different lone sock in your bedroom and a pair of pants you left to air-dry, but never bothered to put away still on the dining chair.

You gotta work on this bad habit you’ve developed, but after working all day and getting home late, you hadn’t been able to give yourself any down time, let alone complete any chores.

You hadn’t even seen Jason. Only giving him quick morning forehead kisses before work as he sleepily tried to cling onto your waist.

Wrapping a strong arm around you, locking you permanently to his side.

You had no idea how his sheer strength kept you in place as he lazily laid on the bed, but after much convincing that you had to fulfill your portion of the rent and several kisses to Jason’s face, did he finally let you go.

As much as it pained you to leave, you loved the wrinkled clothes left by his adamance to throw you back on the mattress next to him.

It felt like every weekday, he was getting closer to convincing you to drop everything, ditch the city, go off-grid and live deep in the woods surviving off berries and spring water, but alas you silently trudged yourself to the bus stop.

You left like a soldier going off to war, sworn to duty while their partner, like Jason, held their tears and waved a white handkerchief as the city bus wisped you away to 8+ hours of labor.

Both of your schedules, opposite of one another, never aligned. Jason swung the city in the peak of the night, under the stars and amongst the ongoing sirens, but you had the most torturous criminal in all of Gotham, a 9-5. It waited for you, forbade you from staying out too late.

You once joked to Jason over dinner that he should leave a small token of…warning to your boss, for a needed day off, but when Jason didn’t laugh and comfort you like you expected, you made sure to make him pinky promise he wouldn’t physically or mentally harm your boss.

When he wouldn’t wrap his pinky with yours, you refused to eat the warm meal he cooked. After dismissing every possible way he could make your boss beg, he reluctantly sworn the great promise of pinkies to not do any permanent harm in favor of you eating.

With a worrisome look, you took slow bites, watching Jason act like he didn’t create new torture tactics at a family dining table.

After another additional verbal reassurance from the man and an unconvincing sigh, he only agreed that if you promised to never miss a goodbye kiss before work, then he would follow any rule you set.

So far, no broken promises and no mass emails about a sudden company shut down due to threats, so it was a win?

Even then, they could force you to work remote, so unless Jason unrelentingly asks Tim to shut down all power and service in the area, you still had to be a working citizen.

The commute to and from work already took up most of your minimal free time, so it felt like you woke up to work, ate a quick meal, then fell asleep to wait for the next work day.

Luckily in the rare moments, Jason got to get a quick kiss on your shoulder before going out for patrol. Usually you were passed out on the couch, but with a beautifully handwritten note from your lover, you woke up on the bed thanks to Jason carrying you.

You needed a Jason recharge soon, but that had to be until the weekend and for work to even out before you got that luxury.

While the clothes were being washed, you started a small water to clean the dishes.

Soapy bubbles coating your hands as you washed the utensils that Jason used to make you daily lunches.

You almost cry at every lunch, adoring the beautiful meal that graced you, made with the scarred and gentle hands of Jason.

With the last pot placed on the drying rack, you sent one last text for the night.

You: clothes in the wash, was gonna put them in the dryer but i’m frog blinking and i need to sleep \(o-0)/

jay: ok, got the dishes when i get back :)

You: already washed them :(((

jay: how dare u be a responsible adult

You: i’ll repent 😔

jay: 12 years in the slammer, community service, and a lunch date with me on saturday

You: yes sir 🫡 i promise to reduce my sentence for good behavior

As you finished brushing your teeth, you noticed Jason’s jacket thrown on the couch.

You were surprised he didn’t take it out on patrol, but after the last stabbing incident there were relatively large holes in the sleeves and pocket.

You were grateful that most of the damage was in the jacket and not Jason, but he still kept it.

After looking at its sad state, you offered to shop for a new jacket together, but Jason was reluctant. Saying it could be fixed.

With a small smile, you grabbed the coat, grabbing your mending kit that you got for free from a hotel you stayed at a while back.

You messily stitched the first hole, but after finding the right pace, muscle memory kicked in and you finished up the stitching.

Not the best work, but you hoped the dark color would hide any mishaps and make it seamless.

When the handiwork was done, you left the jacket as you saw it and went to bed.

—

When work eased up, you almost got to see Jason for a full evening.

You cuddled on the couch, your legs over his, leaning on the pillows.

Engrossed in the movie, but time for patrol was near and Jason had to move your legs and get up to get his gear on.

When he reappeared from the bedroom, you saw the mended jacket back on his broad shoulders.

With a quick kiss goodbye, a quiet shut from the window, you finished the movie. Happy that you managed to save the jacket that Jason refused to let go.

After a couple nights, work was tougher on your body than usual and the jacket was back on the couch. A new tear on the sleeve that you closed up.

The several patchwork was starting to concern you.

You have to convince him that he needed a new jacket. One without tears preferably.

“Jay, I’m running out of thread. I think it’s time.” You tiredly held the worn out jacket in your lap. Poking the needle into the fabric, careful to not prick yourself.

“No, it’s still got some life. Since you’ve sewn it, it’s never looked better.” Jay washed the dishes.

“I’ve heard Roy ask if you tried to sew it yourself. I know it’s not the best work, but even you’re more meticulous than I am.” You knotted the end of the thread, cutting off the excess.

“Roy can’t even tie his shoes, so don’t listen to him.” Jason turned on the faucet, letting the water flow into the sink.

“I know we’re both busy, but I can run to the store after work to buy you one. I saw a really nice one that would look great, It’s not far and I can take the next bus—“ You tried to reason.

“Absolutely not, you already know how I feel about you taking that route so late.” Jason scrubbed the plate.

“I’ll go with a coworker, we do leave in groups anyway. It’s just once—“ You sighed, folding the jacket.

“No, this isn’t something you can convince me on.” Jason placed the glass plate down, a little more harshly than he wanted, but he grabbed a mug without stopping. “I have to meet Babs and Steph to talk about the recon tomorrow, I won’t be in the area.” Sternness filled Jason’s voice, unconvinced.

“Jason, we’ve talked about this, I can go—“

“I don’t want to risk it.” Jason held the cup, frustration in his eyes as he stared it down.

“But, I want to do this for you. We haven’t—“ You pushed, exhaustion making your patience thin.

“I said no!” Jason raised voice, shutting yours down.

The mug shattered in the sink. Jason flinched as if even he was shocked by his own reaction.

The faucet continuously ran water as all noise surrounding you stopped. Like it was inconsiderate to the tension that built in your apartment.

You sat for a moment before walking over to shut the water off.

“I’m—I’m so—“ Jason fumbled.

You looked into the sink, at the aftermath of the pieces of the mug that had snipped his fingers.

You calmly grabbed the sponge soaking up Jason’s blood as he stood there, letting you maneuver his body like a puppet.

You can rinse and sanitize the dishes later, but you grabbed a kitchen towel. Letting Jason sit at the dining table as you patched him up.

“I’m not mad, Jay. I was just surprised.” You disinfected his cuts, no reaction from Jason, probably from years of experienced pain. Years of trying to patch himself up.

It saddened you.

You didn’t realize the privilege of hating the pain of paper cuts and not stab wounds. Hating the sting of alcohol, not digging out bullets out of your skin.

“I know we haven’t seen each other and I’ve been missing you.” You cleaned up the miscellaneous bandage wrappers and sat in front of Jason. “But, you’re more stubborn than usual about this new jacket.”

You looked at Jason who was avoiding your eyes, rubbing at the bandages covering his skin.

With a sigh, he reached for your hand. A silent reassurance as he found the words.

“I’ve missed you too. That jacket—it’s been with me since I’ve met you. I’ve had it too long to just get rid of it.” He admitted, fluffy hair drooping the more he talked.

He continued.

“It’s just…hard to part with it. When I saw the new stitches, it felt good that a part of you was with me on patrol. We’ve also been so busy, I can only see you for a split second before one of us leaves. I know you wanna replace it, but…I need it.” Jason rubbed at your knuckles.

You put your hands on top of Jason’s, reciprocating the rubs as you listened.

“I didn’t know.” You gazed up to Jason, who hung his head down.

Vulnerability was a step that both of you had to learn. You focused too much on Jason, constantly forgetting about your own feelings and Jason still needed help in rightfully expressing his emotions.

You had barely made time to enjoy each other and despite living with one another, you weren’t updated in each other’s lives.

“I’m sorry.” You pecked Jason’s hands.

“Why are you apologizing? I raised my voice and broke a cup.” Jason leaned forward, hesitantly bringing his face and body closer to yours.

You stayed still, not to frighten his advances, to tell him it was okay.

“I would’ve known about this if I had made time for us. I’ve been so focused on work that I haven’t been able to even do simple chores.” You touched your forehead to Jason’s. “I’m so tired. I just want to sleep in next to you and go for a lunch date. But even that’s asking for too much, I guess.”

The vulnerability covered the two of you in a single blanket. Protecting and helping both of you finally be honest.

“No, no, don’t apologize for that. I was ready to help you in any way I could.” Jason kissed your eyelids as you closed them, the exhaustion slowly easing from your bones as you kept contact with him.

He held your face, hands wrapped in bandages.

“All I ask is you take care of yourself.” Jason whispered. Watching your lips, watching your eyes.

“All I need is my Jason recharge. I’m on empty.” You lightly chuckled, sleepiness apparent in your voice.

“I think I could spare some time.” Jason teased, kissing the corner of your lips.

You nudged his shoulder playfully.

“Shut up and kiss—.” You breathlessly pulled at Jason’s shirt.

Before you could even finish your request, Jason leaned in, using his thumb to rest on your chin, opening your mouth for him.

The rhythm was slow.

Jason always started like that, letting you control how far and how soon you wanted him.

Your face heated, letting feeling take over.

Your grip on his shirt got tighter.

Jason pulled your chair closer.

When it wasn’t close enough, he grabbed you to sit on his lap.

Effortlessly, you rested yourself on his thighs, making your body flush with his.

Grabbing at the roots of his hair, you tried to inhale his hums.

Your imaginary battery was slowly filling, maybe you would need to take this a step further for a full recharge.

As Jason’s grip got stronger on your skin, your breaths louder, and the more you pulled at his hair, he got more restless.

In one lift, Jason got you off his lap, laying you onto the dining table.

He leaned his body between your legs.

You watched his beautiful flush face as he lifted your shirt, his hands just as flushed as he kissed down your abdomen.

“Jay, I think I’m too tired to help you.” You breath hitched.

“Relax, this is my recharge too.” Jason leaned his cheek on the inside of your thighs, kissing the sensitive skin before a call rung from his phone.

It vibrated repeatedly as Jason continued to keep his attention on you.

When the ringing stopped, you could focus again.

Then the same ringtone started again as Jason’s face scrunched.

“Dammit, I’m gonna kill whoever—“ Jason reluctantly walked away from the table you laid on.

“You better be on the verge of dying, so I can go over there and finish the job, Dickwad.” Jason watched you sit up.

Another huff came out of his mouth as he was not pleased that he wasn’t getting his alone time with you.

Then your phone rung from the chair you were previously on.

Your stupid boss had decided to call about some other task he thought was too important for him.

With reluctance, you answered.

Both of you were disappointedly looking at each other as you were both occupied.

When both calls ended, you silently stared at each other.

You sat on the edge of the table and Jason stood in front of you.

He offered you a hand and you slowly fell into Jason. Burying your face into his chest.

“Sadly, we’re both needed somewhere. I think we need to take a rain check.”

“Can’t believe I have to set up an appointment to get laid.” Jason sighed into you.

You laughed out loud.

“Maybe if a miracle happened tomorrow, but we have the weekend.” You kissed Jason one last time.

—

The next morning, you woke up passed your alarm. Jason’s muscular arms and his even breaths were too soothing that it blocked out the repeated ringing.

The bus was arriving in 15 minutes.

You rushed outta bed, grabbing your keys, putting on mismatching socks on the floor.

Jason lazily perched his head up at all your movement, absently watching you run around.

“Sweethe—“ He called out.

“Shit, did I finish the report?” You ran to grab your laptop.

“My lo—“

“My watch! Crap, I didn’t iron my shirt for the meeting today.” You grabbed your bag.

“What about—“ Jason tried to interrupt.

“I gotta go, but let’s eat out tonight? I’ll call you when I get off.” You ran out the door, blowing air kisses to Jason.

You barely managed to get on the bus before the doors shut and you were scrambling to get yourself in a seat.

After a deep breath, you were gonna make it to work.

A late start, but you made it. You stepped off the bus, walking to the large building that made your jaw drop the first time you laid eyes on it, but it didn’t seem all that spectacular after a couple years of seeing it.

As you were walking, several people were rushing out the building.

Crowds walking out in large strides, taking what they could as papers fumbled out the doors.

You watched in confusion.

What sick villain was wreaking havoc on your building at eight in the morning?

You were about to turn around when your coworker bumped into you.

“Thank goodness you’re out. I was worried when I couldn’t find you.” They grabbed your arm, giving you a once over as you stood there.

“What happened?” You looked up at the building. It seemed fine.

“We gotta go, they got the boss and I don’t wanna be next.” Your coworker pushed you across the street, trying to get you farther from the sea of people shoving you outta the way.

“What?”

“I don’t know, but it all happened so fast, then all the alarms started and ya know when shit starts happening you gotta get outta there. One moment I was making scans, then the boss’ computer flew right by head and his glass walls were shattering. I saw the back of a big red guy and I just got this job, so I ran. I only need to see the back of Nightwing, if you know what I mean—“ You coworker rambled.

You stopped in your tracks, eyes widening at the realization.

“That son of a—“ You raised your voice before your phone rung from your pocket.

You angrily tapped the accept button before you were yelling at the invisible person, yanking your arm out of your coworkers.

“You crazy motherfucker—“ You swerved your body back toward the building, tension built up in your bones that you could only angrily walk back to the building in chaos.

Tons of employees dodging you.

“You forgot your lunch, so I decided to deliver it myself. I hope I got the right floor—“ Jason sung into the phone, walking past a suited man kneeling on the floor, glass digging into his knees.

“What are you doing?!” You marched to the front entrance, gripping your phone as you shoved the doors open.

Jason walked over to sit in the swivel chair, pushing himself to spin once and throw his boots on the overpriced desk. Not caring about dirtying the papers on it.

“Don’t worry, my love. We all make mistakes. We can all be forgetful.”

“What?!” You pushed the elevator button, waiting for the doors to open, but the wait only made you angrier.

“You broke a promise, sweetheart.” Jason spun a pen on his finger, letting gravity and motion balance the pen perfectly.

“What are you talking about.” You entered the elevator and pushed the button for your floor.

“You can’t even remember.” Jason glanced over to your boss still on the floor, motioning with his hands dramatically pointing to the phone. “What am I going to do? This is ridiculous, right?”

Despite your boss not being able to hear the conversation, he fearfully nodded his head quickly, not quite understanding why the Red Hood made a visit in broad daylight. Sweat beating on his forehead.

As Jason counted the elevator rings for every floor you passed, he smiled while on you stayed on the line.

Covering the bottom half of the phone, Jason looked at your boss, his helmet staring down the man.

“Beat it.” Jason commanded, not an ounce of the sweet playfulness he spoke with before.

Your boss was frozen, scared and confused as he looked back at the vigilante sitting in his chair.

In one motion, Jason nodded at the door, never saying another word as your boss ran out the door, throwing his body into the emergency exit stairwell, hopping down the steps.

Now with the man gone, Jason strolled to the elevator.

“You better be gone when I get there Jason Peter Todd—“ As soon as the elevator doors opened, Jason grabbed you, swinging you into his arms as he lifted his helmet and passionately kissed you in the aftermath he created.

In one woozy turn, you were back on your feet as you tried to process everything.

“Now that you fulfilled your promise, I would tell you to have a nice day at work, but, well…” Jason glanced around the office floor. Some lights burnt out and others flickered. You watched as glass littered the floor and chairs were thrown as everyone fled their way out. “You might be out for a couple days. The food is probably cold anyway, so let’s go out for lunch instead.” Jason grabbed you by your waist as he led you to a window he smashed open.

He smugly took your hand and swung your arms as he spoke, overjoyed.

“Watch your step, please.”

“You’re so dead when we get home.” You grabbed onto his arm, afraid to look out the edge of the building.

“What’s another death?” Jason held you tightly to his side. “If it’s by your hands, I’d face death any day.” He looked at you through the red helmet, his words modulated. It would’ve been swoon worthy if he didn’t just evacuate your entire work building, probably humiliated your boss, and costed you your job.

“I’m for sure fired.” You hit your head against Jason’s chest plate.

“Tim wiped all the service and power a mile out. Cameras stopped working before I even stepped in here. I tampered with the security myself, a personal touch. It’s like you weren’t even here, besides your boss isn’t so innocent, but Dick’s got him, he owes me for last night.” Jason’s gloves rested on your sides.

“How did you even convince him?” You couldn’t believe Jason would even ask for the help.

“Blackmail.”

You didn’t believe a second of anything that came out of Jason’s mouth.

After you gave a blank face to Jason, his helmet was looking back at you until he finally broke.

“Fine, it was a humiliating picture of Bruce I’ve kept for the perfect opportunity.”

“You risked all that because I forgot a goodbye kiss?” You raised an eyebrow.

“That you promised.” Jason emphasized.

You could only laugh out of disbelief.

“Fair enough.” You looked out toward the blue sky, wind picking up against your face at this height. “Your banned from any kisses for a week for this.”

“Sorry, wind is picking up!” Jason fell out the window with you in his arms. Grappling hook dragging your bodies across the city.

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Bad Decisions (+18)

Bad Decisions (Sanji x f Reader)

Summary: Your hunger and your impulsivity both get the best of you and you end up in a compromising position. You ask Sanji for help, but it might be even more important to him than it is to you.

Pairing: Sanji x afab!reader

WC: 3500+ oops

TWs: vaginal sex, pet names, oral sex, fingering, crying, begging, virginity loss, it's porn with a brief plot idk man

You were starving. You and the crew had just finished a rough fight on a random island and brought back several chests and bags of treasure back to the ship. For over an hour after your return, you sat on the wooden floor of the deck with Nami going through bags full of gold, silver, and rare jewels. 

“Once we find somewhere to turn all this into berries we can buy the CUTEST new outfits!” Nami shouted with her back to you, head buried in a treasure chest.

“Nami your closet can barely close and you still have stuff with the tags on it, what the hell do you need new clothes for?” You quipped back while rummaging through a burlap sack.

“I’m a pirate, I can do whatever I want y/n.”

You rolled your eyes and continued going through the bag. Your hand felt something… fleshy? Like the soft, tender skin of a banana. You grabbed it and pulled it out to see a strange pink, oblong fruit. Your immediate thought was that this was a devil fruit, but it didn’t bear the signature swirled texture. 

“Nami... come look at this…”

A door was suddenly flung open from the galley. 

“Hello my beautiful girls! I’ve prepared you an aperitif to keep you satiated before dinner is ready! My sweet y/n here-“

Sanji stopped in his tracks after his sudden intrusion.

“Where the hell did you get that? Put it down!” Sanji swiftly placed the tray he was carrying on a barrel and snatched the strange produce out of your hand. 

You were confused as to why Sanji suddenly looked so concerned. 

“Sanji what the fuck is your problem? I found that fair and square!” You snapped at him, your piracy-addled brain wanting to keep it for yourself since it was clearly of value at this point. He held it behind his back as you approached him.

“Mon amour you don’t understand, this is a very dangerous berry and should not be consumed under any circumstance.” Sanji stepped forward, eyes dark with concern.

“Ok weirdo keep your purple banana, I’m here for the diamonds.” Nami said as she carried several of the bags downstairs on the Sunny to the storeroom, leaving you and Sanji in a stalemate on the deck. 

“I’m putting this away.” he said as he walked back into the galley. You followed him quickly, not even letting the door close behind him before threw it open behind you and snipped at him.

“Ok give it up cook, what’s your deal with this thing? Why is it dangerous? It’s not a devil fruit, right?” 

“You don’t understand. These are very rare fruits that are native to the South Blue. I’ve only heard tales from patrons at the Baratie of what this can do to you. It’s the worlds most powerful aphrodisiac.” Sanji’s hands were shaking as he placed the fruit on the kitchen island. 

You snorted trying to keep your laughter in but it fought its way to the front. “Hahaha oh stop it! Those are old wives tales, Sanji. If it’s not a devil fruit, it’s harmless. You’re afraid of it, why? Afraid that it will make you what? Too horny? Come on, be serious!”

“I’m as serious as a heart attack, love. You have NO idea what this can do to someone. And there’s only one way to reverse the affects.” He met your gaze with his last sentence. You expected him to wink or pull something perverted, but his blue eyes showed nothing but worry. You sighed and backed off, realizing that the fruit probably wasn’t worth any money. You returned to the deck and going through the bags Nami left behind.

—-

After another half hour of treasure picking, you heard the growl of your stomach and was painfully reminded of how hungry you were. You silently cursed the curly-browed chef that dinner was taking so long. You made your way to the galley to see how the cooking process was going. 

You walked in to find an empty kitchen. Sanji was probably out having a cigarette. He stopped smoking in the kitchen as much after Robin found a pile of ash in her scrambled eggs one morning. Sanji felt so bad that he cried and groveled for three days. 

You remembered where Sanji stashed that fruit in the ice box. 

Curiously you lifted the lid of the ice box and grabbed the strange berry. As you rolled it in your hand inspecting it, your stomach panged again. Long term thinking had NEVER been your strong suit, hence why you ended up on a dangerous pirate crew with little experience at sea. 

Impulsively, you popped the fruit in your mouth. 

And god, fuck, it was the most magical taste you’ve ever experienced. It was like dark chocolate, raspberries, lavender, all the most tender, delicate flavors rolled into one. You audibly groaned as you tongued it around your mouth. You didn’t want the experience to end but you had to swallow. Right as the fruit hit your stomach the door to the deck opened and there was your blonde lovecook. He looked at you, then at the empty fruit stem in your hand. 

“Tell me you didn’t…” he stood there, mouth agape. 

“So what if I did? I was hungry and you’re dragging ass with dinner. Those stories aren’t even real, I’ll be fine.” You confidently strode towards him trying to move around his tall, slender frame when he grabbed the sides of your arms and forced you to look at him. 

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DANGEROUS THIS IS?”

“Get off me!” You were young but you were strong and you shook off his grasp with ease. “I’ll be fine. Stop worrying about me. I can handle myself.” And you ducked past him and walked out onto the deck and back down to your room. You would be fine, right? He had no evidence other than stories from dirty old men on the Baratie. You spent awhile in your room reading before the crew was called for dinner. It was a beautiful spread. Luffy was dominating the serving platters while you sat next to Robin and joked about something gross Franky had done earlier in the day with a large bottle of cola. 

Halfway through the meal you started to feel warm. You ignored it, blaming the summer heat. But the warmth grew, spread to your cheeks and deep in your tummy. Your skin felt like you had a fresh sunburn. Robin rubbed your arm accidentally while laughing at a joke and you jolted forward, your skin being so sensitive and hot. 

“Are you okay y/n?” Robin asked looking into your eyes, visibly concerned.

“I’m fine I think… I think I’m just tired… maybe I need to go to bed.”

You looked across the wooden dining table and Sanji was staring directly at you. He had clearly been watching you the whole time, eyes filled with concern for your physical state. You ignored his glare and excused yourself back down to your room. This feeling was unlike anything you’ve ever felt in your life. It was like static electricity going straight through your veins. You went straight to the bathroom and splashed cold water on your face repeatedly. After a big sigh you buried your face in a towel. Looking up into the mirror you notice something. Your nipples were completely erect. 

You couldn’t possibly believe that this fruit did what Sanji said it did… but you realized you were growing increasingly wet between your legs. 

“You’re kidding…” You audibly curse to yourself. 

You went back to your bed and grabbed your book to start reading and calm yourself down. You stared at the pages, your brain unable to focus on any of the words, only able to focus on the electric feeling in your body. 

Your body was no longer just hot, it was BURNING. You were wearing a large grey t shirt and light pink panties. You look down and see that you’ve soaked them completely through. Frustrated, you throw your book on the table and lay fully on your back. You want to resolve the issue quickly without problems so you reach your hand down into your underwear and start to circle your clit with your right hand. 

It wasn’t enough. 

You insert your pointer and middle finger inside of yourself the way you always do when you need to release. It wasn’t working. You were hurting. It simply wasn’t enough. You kept trying. You were panting and sweating, your hair plastered to your forehead and grunting in frustration as you struggled to reach a peak. Your skin was so sensitive but you simply couldn’t get there. You were starting to feel sick…. The hot, sweating feeling becoming too much for your brain. An idea suddenly hit you-

“There’s only one way to reverse the effects.” Sanji. He knew. He knew how to fix this. You sprinted out of bed, still in a t shirt and panties and grabbed your baby den den mushi and called the Sunny’s landline, knowing it was in the kitchen and Sanji would be there washing dishes. It rang. You waited. Sweat beads dripping down your forehead, pain radiating through your lower half, you kept waiting for a response. 

“Y/n? Mon amour? Are you okay?” Sanji’s concerned, deep voice came through on the line.

“No I’m not. You were right I was wrong, okay? I need you to get down here now.”

He breathed heavily on the other end, having an idea as to what you were going through. He didn't respond.

“Sanji. You told me you knew how to fix this. Please…” your voice was trembling and broken. 

As soon as he heard the desperation in your begging he knew it was serious. He had an obligation to his crew mate. 

“I’ll be there right now.” And he hung up.

Barely a few moments later you heard rapid knocks on your door and the knob turning. Sanji was fully unprepared for the sight he saw when he entered your room.

There you were. Laid out on your bed, but thighs clamped together so desperately trying to get any sort of friction on your aching clit. Sweat from your neck had stained your large, old t shirt. Your breathing was so heavy he could see your breasts rise and fall tiredly, clearly not wearing a bra. 

“I told you not to do this…”

“Okay! I know! I get it! I should have listened to you! But right now Sanji I-… I need your help.. please…” 

He had imagined it so many times… you spread out in bed, begging and pleading for him. Was he dreaming again? He fisted his cock late at night so often thinking about this exact situation. But as a gentleman he was hesitant. Would you be begging for him like this had you not ingested that fruit? Would it be right to touch you like this? You weren’t drunk, you weren’t on drugs, but is it right? His brain was going a thousand nautical miles a minute until you spoke again.

“Sanji…”

You looked at him as you sat up on your elbows. You let your legs fall apart as far as they would go so he could see the massive soaked spot on your panties. 

“Sanji please… it hurts so much…” 

Hurts. You said it hurts. You were in pain. He could see the tears threatening to fall from your lashes. He has never seen you like this a day in his life, even 2 years ago when you first joined the crew and you were new to piracy. He had seen you take blade slices and Chopper sewed them up with no anesthesia and you barely winced. He could barely imagine the pain and frustration that was causing you to have this reaction now. He vowed to never leave a woman in distress, and you certainly were. 

“Let me go get Chopper, he will know what to do.”

“NO!” You shout at him. “Don’t you dare tell anyone on this ship what happened. You said you could help me and I need it.” You were pleading with him. He saw the look in your eyes. So much desperation. So much lust. How could he leave you writhing in all this pain?

Screw it. 

Sanji quickly slips off his shirt jacket and it falls to the floor. He strides toward you loosening his tie. He sits down next to you on the bed. He was more than a little hesitant but he couldn’t resist anymore.

“I need you to understand... that if I help you with this… we won’t ever be the same… I need you to tell me that’s okay.” 

You grabbed his hand. It was so soft and delicate in yours. Slender fingers slotting in between yours. You looked up into his all-blue eyes, you could see the worry. He looked at you like a porcelain doll that he might break if he takes it off the shelf to play with. But you could tell deep down, he wanted to play.

“It’s okay. I need your help Sanji. Please help me.” You breathed out, the feelings getting so much more intense. Your pussy was clenching around nothing after just feeling his hand in yours… your pulse was so high… You needed release soon or you thought you might have a heart attack.

“Fine. But if anything feels wrong you’ll tell me to stop, love, right?”

You nodded your head aggressively and lifted your torso off the bed and removed your shirt. Tossing it aside you then shimmied off your panties, leaving your body fully naked on the bed for him. He had never seen something so beautiful… pert, full breasts heaving on your chest, a sheen of sweat covering your skin. A puddle was forming on the sheets between your legs…. He knew this wasn’t normal. The wetness your pussy was experiencing was nothing human at this point, dripping far more than was normal for any biological person. It was clearly aching.

Sanji got to his knees at the base of the bed, fully taking his tie off now and undoing several buttons of his dress shirt. “Ok love, I’m going to fix all of this.”

He grabbed the backs of your knees and yanked your sweat covered body to the edge of the bed so that he was face to face with your hot, dripping sex. 

“Merde…”

Sanji knew this was his dream. Sure the All Blue was number one but this was the best thing he’s ever seen or smelled. He leans forward towards your bare pussy to deeply inhale your scent. You cover your face, embarrassed at his lewd, perverted actions.

“Sanji please…” you were whining and writhing, waiting for him to touch you. 

He firmly grabs your hip with one hand and holds you down while he spreads your lips with two fingers from the other hand. No longer able to resist your sopping cunt, he dives in immediately and latches onto your throbbing clit. 

You scream out underneath his touch, your skin so painfully sensitive that it feels a thousand times more pleasurable with his mouth. You moan loudly as he laps and sucks at your most sensitive area. With the affects of the fruit and the pleasure Sanji is giving to you, your brain short circuits. You instinctively fist his blonde locks and pull him deeper into your cunt. You needed release and you needed it now. 

Sanji was in Heaven, your sweet sounds and the taste of your rapturous pussy he could barely think straight. Things were going beyond well… especially for someone who has never done this before. Sanji has never touched a woman, let alone had sex. This was a show. He snuck some of Robin’s erotic novels months ago and tried to understand  how to please a woman should the opportunity arise. Sanji’s hands were shaking on your thighs, trying to make sure everything was perfect for you. He remembered reading that having fingers inside a woman feels good when done right. He inserts two fingers and crooks them upwards, pulling slightly while his lips were wrapped around your clit and you shouted out in pleasure.

“Sanji! Oh my god! That’s it, please! It’s perfect, right there! Don’t you dare stop, please!”

Hearing you simultaneously praise and beg him made his head swim. He never thought he’d be able to pleasure a woman like this. He ruts his crotch into the side of the bed as he slurps down all of your sinful juices, trying to suppress his own sexual desires. 

You felt the tension and in your belly start to reach its peak and you aggressively grabbed Sanji’s head.

“Im… cumming!” You shrieked as you released all over his face. You laid back and heaved and felt relieved.. but only for a moment… 

He pulled off of your cunt, goatee soaked in your release. He greedily licks his lips, smirk forming at the corners.  

“My love… it was the best meal I’ve ever eaten in my life… and as someone with a refined palate, I simply can’t say what an honor it’s been.” He tries to compose himself and put his tie back into place as he stands up from the bed. You grab his wrist. 

“Sanji… I need more… all of it… please…” 

He couldn’t believe that he was hearing. Was this it? He needed you almost as bad as you needed him at this point. 

“My darling… do you mean that?” He asks hesitantly

“Of course I do. It still hurts, Sanji. I can’t get rid of this unless I feel all of you inside of me… please…”

Sanji rips off his clothes at lightening speed, stumbling over his trousers in the process. Thick cock slapping his stomach as he pulls down his briefs. He climbs back onto the bed and hovers over you. Remembering the books he read, he grabs an extra pillow and shoves it under your ass, grabbing an experimental squeeze as he does it. You giggle.

“M-my love… I’ve… I’ve never done this before.”

You look up at him, shocked and bewildered. A virgin? Maybe it was because of the mysterious fruit’s effects, but this man had just given you the most earth shattering orgasm you’ve ever had. How can this really be his first time?

“Oh Sanji I’m sorry I just can’t help it, if you don’t want to-“ He cut you off with a sloppy, passionate kiss on your lips. It was messy, it was frantic, it was needy and so, so good. He pulls back panting and says to you, 

“I want to. My love, I want to more than you know, please let me help you.” 

You release a breath you didn’t know you were holding and reached up to cup his face with one hand and pull him into a kiss. With your other hand you reached down and guided his throbbing, virgin cock into yourself. 

Sanji groans against your lips, you suck a breath in, finally feeling the fullness your body has been violently craving for what felt like an eternity. He leans back from your kiss, seemingly trying to catch his breath and compose himself. He knew it would be good, but the feeling was far more than he’d ever imagined. Your insides were so warm, so wet and open for him, fitting him inside you so perfectly like the last piece to a puzzle. He was broken out of his trance by a desperate whine from underneath him.

“Sanji… baby please… I need more, fuck me now please?” You bucked your hips upwards into him deeper, trying to fuck yourself on his cock desperately trying to fix the painful ache in your lower half. 

He pulled out of you slowly, still hesitant as to what to do, this being the first time he’s ever made love to a woman, let alone someone he felt so passionately about. He leans forward and fully pushes his sensitive cock back inside of you and you let out a high pitched whine. He repeats his actions as he finds a comfortable rhythm. 

“Oh Sanji thank you so much, thank you so much, it feels so good baby, just like that…” You punctuated his thrusts with explicit compliments and loud moans. Growing confident, he leans back and places his hands on the back of your thighs and pushes them up to your chest. He speeds up his hips and you feel his thick cock reach the perfect spot at this new angle. 

“Sanji! There!” You were screaming at this point. Sanji had half a mind to cover your mouth, knowing every other person on the Sunny could hear you calling out his name in pleasure… but the other half? The thought of everyone knowing that HE was the one giving you such intense pleasure that you can’t help but shriek his name throughout the ship? That was the half that was winning. 

You feel like you’re about to explode. It was right there, you could feel it. Tears begin streaming down your face as your love cook destroys your sloppy pussy with vigor. 

“My love you’re so close, I can barely pull myself out… Please cum for me? Mon amour, I need to see it again. I need to feel you cum on me, please? You’re so beautiful when you cum, you’re perfect, darling, please?” Sanji was shamelessly begging you to release on his cock. He desperately drilled his hips into you, pushing your further up into a pretzel. 

“Yes Sanji I’m right there, fuck baby I’m cumming, SHIT-“ you screamed. The orgasm ripped through your entire body, unlike you’ve ever felt. It was an almost painful, intense pleasure. Sanji continued to plow into you, so incredibly close to his own peak, trying to talk you through it but your ears were ringing. 

“So perfect baby, such a perfect, gorgeous pussy. My perfect little pussy, so good for me…I love you so mu- oh my darling, I’m going to cum, please let me fill you!”

Your brain short circuited, so broken by your orgasm, body almost numb. “Yes of course, I want all of it Sanji please! I want your cum inside of me.”

And with that, he did. He moaned your name loudly as he slumps forward meeting your forehead with his. He lets your legs fall comfortably, but stays on top and inside of you. Nothing but heavy breathing and the sound of waves hitting the side of the ship could be heard. After a few minutes he pulls back and he looks into your eyes, seeing the relief, that you’re finally rid of your pain, he smiles. You smile back. You both start laughing. 

“Sanji, thank you.” You finally breath out after catching the giggles, not even believing what just happened. 

“It truly was my pleasure, darling. Just… just promise me you won’t do anything that stupid again?”

“After how incredible that was? I can make absolutely no promises.” You laugh. “Hey remember when you said you loved me?”

Sanji buried his face in your neck with a groan, clearly embarrassed and hiding his shame. It wasn’t a lie, he just knew you didn’t feel the same way. He didn’t know what to say, he wanted to throw himself into the ocean outside the window just to get away from confronting this. He pulled out of the crook of your neck to look at your face. 

“Y/n I-“

“Shhh…” you press your finger to his kiss-bitten lips. “Stay here tonight. We can talk tomorrow.” You assure him while stroking his cheek. Sanji sighs in relief, kissing you gently and laying his head on the pillow next to yours. With nothing left to say you both drift off to sleep, limbs tangled together on your mattress. You can talk about this in the morning.

xx

[archangeldyke-all]

ima sorry bm so drunk rn byt cannyou write smutty for coweboy sebika

hahaha of course, but only if you drink some water!!! one glass for every drink you've had please :)

men and minors dni

what was meant to be a family hunting trip quickly devolved into a 'the girls play in the river all day while you and sevika hunt' trip.

you're not really upset. you and sevika are enjoying the time alone in the wilderness, and you gave the girls a flare gun to shoot if they get into trouble.

neither of 'em need any hunting lessons anyways. they both love coming home with rabbits and squirrels over their shoulders-- you had to put a ban on any animals bigger than the average house cat when ten year old powder dragged home a forty pound doe. the four of you were up all night chopping up the deer and distributing the meat to your patrons and neighbors.

plus... you'll never complain about a little alone time with your wife.

she doesn't seem to be too upset about the girls bailing either, if the way she's smirking at you is any indication.

you're trying to ignore her, trying to focus on the fox at the end of your barrel-- but she's not making it easy.

you take a slow breath, steady your hands, and shoot-- only for the fox to dart away at the last second.

sevika chuckles. you curse.

"quit fuckin' doin' that!" you whine. she chuckles.

"doin' what, darlin'?"

"undressin' me with your eyes while i'm tryna get us a good pelt!"

she giggles, taking the gun out of your hand and wrapping her arms around your waist. "'s my duty as your wife to lust after you at all times." she says. you roll your eyes, trying to bite back your smile. "you look hot with a gun in your hands, all that focus in your eye."

"you're lucky you're rich, sev." you laugh. she raises an eyebrow at you.

"why's that?" she asks.

"we're supposed to be stockin' up for winter. so far all we got was that fish we shared last night." you say, chuckling. sevika giggles then shrugs again.

"you know the girl's probably got a whole pile of game waiting back at camp." she says. you laugh, she's probably right.

her hands are trailing slowly down your sides, the mischievous sparkle in her eye growing the closer she gets to groping your ass.

"and just what do you think you're doin'?"

"undressin' you with my hands this time, since you threw a fit when i was doin' it in my head?" she tries. you laugh, and she untucks your shirt. "well?" she asks, waiting for your permission before she gets you naked. you smile at her.

"gimmie a kiss." you demand. she grins, pressing a sweet, chaste peck against your lips. you hum. "just... make it quick. i really do wanna stock up the cellar before the first frost--"

she cuts you off with her lips on yours, and you lose your train of thought, melting into her arms and wrapping your hands around her neck.

she tastes like campfire and sweat and the handful of berries you'd foraged in the morning. she's intoxicating. her strong arms strip you fast-- not bothering to get you naked, just shoving your pants and underwear down, shoving your shirt up under your armpits.

"turn 'round." she grunts. you shiver at the commanding tone in her voice, and pull her down by her collar for one more kiss before following her instructions. she smacks your ass when you present it to her, chuckling when you jump. "fuck. wanna fuck you." she grunts. you chuckle.

"don't think we packed the equipment baby."

"don't care." it's all the warning you get before she claws your bare hips and starts grinding her clothed cunt against your ass. you gasp. "fuck." she grunts.

you bend a bit at the waist, both of you groaning at the friction the new angle gives you. one of sevika's hands trail up from your hips to fondle your tits. "feels good." you whimper.

sevika growls. "yeah?"

"yeah."

she starts thrusting against you, each one a little more aggressive than the last. each time your hips meet, you both let out little sighs.

"you're stainin' my pants, baby." she murmurs. you shiver again. "fuckin' love your cunt, honey. so pretty. so wet for me, huh? don' even gotta touch you, 'n i still got you makin' a mess." she smacks your ass again and you fall farther forward. she chuckles. "hold onto that tree, doll." she encourages.

you reach out and steady yourself, bent at a ninety degree angle now, your cunt on full display for her. for a few seconds, she just examines you, spreading your ass and marveling at the way your cunt clenches around nothing. you whine, pushing against her grip on you, and she snorts.

she lines her hips back against yours, and just when you think she's gonna start fucking you again, she hooks two of her thick fingers inside of you.

"sevika!" you squeal. she chuckles, then starts thrusting her hips in time with her fingers. "oh, fuck baby!"

"better?"

"yes, fuck, y' fuck me so good sev."

"yeah?" she moans. you nod, gasping as she hammers into you. "y' gonna cum?"

you can't answer, your face is pressed against the bark of the tree and you're too wrapped up in the pleasure between your thighs to think. sevika doesn't seem to care, though.

"love this fuckin' cunt, honey. 's always on my mind. 's fuckin soft--" she punctuates it with a hook of her fingers, pressing on your g-spot, "n' warm--" another press, "n' wet--" you let out a high pitched mewl, and sevika gets one more word out before you cum, "n tight--"

"sevika!" you wail. a few birds go flying, startled.

"oh fuck baby, there you go." she laughs as you start to cum and squirt around her fingers. she doesn't stop her thrusting, doesn't stop her assault on your g-spot, she fucks you until the pants gathered around your knees are soaked your thighs are trembling. you can feel your cum soaking into your socks when she finally pulls out, and you nearly collapse. "woah, doll." she laughs, wrapping her arms around your waist before you topple over. she helps you turn around in her arms, grinning at you when your eyes meet.

"f-fuck off." you sigh. sevika chuckles.

"i didn't even say anything!"

"i know that look in your eye."

"i was just gonna suggest i get you a clean pair of pants--"

"shut up!" you squeak. she laughs again, kissing your forehead as you bury your face against her shoulder in embarrassment.

"so hot when you do that." she grunts. you gently bite her shoulder and she chuckles. "c'mon. lets get you in dry pants, 'm serious. we're gonna have to walk a few more miles if we wanna find somethin'-- you scared everything within a two mile radius off when you came." she teases again. you groan, then sneak your hand up under your wife's shirt to pinch her nipple. she gasps. "ouch!"

"can't stand you."

"no, you can't. i make you way too weak in the knees." she says. you burst into laughter, then pinch her nipple again.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub

[enpr-ss]

1 HOUR LONG RUN?! HE WOULDNT FARM THAT LONG WOULD HE?

He doesn’t recognize the bony ravagers lol. “You gotta feed the ravagers they’re skins and bones!” LOL.

Also the amount of cards he has is just visually intimidating.

The joy in his voice every time loot n scoot plays.

He just can’t stop hitting these pressure plates. LOL HE THREW A BERRY INSTEAD OF THE COMPASS. dude needs to stop jumping onto the pressure plates. He’s just booking it out because he’s scared. And of course he gets bounding strides as he is being chased by a ravager to go right over the jump boost wall. HOW DID HE FALL IN JUMP BOOST?!? THERES LITERALLY A JUMP BOOST BYPASS FOR THE CHAIN PARKOUR. AND HE DOES IT AGAIN!!! DOES HE NOT KNOW ABOUT THE PATH? He could have made it on the second try but now the ravager’s there.

Ravager ping pong is always so funky to watch. What do you mean very hard to do with bounding strides etho please. THERES A BYPASS SPECIFICALLY FOR BOUNDING STRIDES. how does he fall into the same pit 3 times WITH bounding strides. HE GOT BOUNDING STRIDES AGAIN?!? AND HES GOING TO WAIT FOR IT TO END BEFORE GETTING OUT?!? WHY. I’m having a breakdown watching this. I’m losing my mind. Tango is also correct; there’s other ways besides the chain parkour and he has jump boost AND armor. He can take 2 ravager hits. “But they’re not blocked because you have jump boost, skippy” TANGO LOL.

Is this really our champion. The best player. The winner of phases 3 and 4?

“We’re going to get it first try” *takes berry damage* AND HE FALLS DOWN FOR FOURTH TIME. THE RAVAGER ISNT EVEN INTERESTED IN HIM ANYMORE BUT GETS LINE OF SIGHT BECAUSE HE LINGERED TOO LONG ON THE WRONG END. How does someone fall into the same pit 5 times. He was almost out of there. “How many times can I fail this?” “You’ve surprised me so far” Tango absolutely obliterating this man. Good. And he finally realizes the jump boost bypass. The regret in his voice. Delicious. He’s begging, weeping and wailing and cowering in the pit. Keep it coming this is fantastic. “I’m safe to come up now” as the ravagers wanders closer LOL. THE DUNGEON TRULY IS YANKING HIS CHAIN HAHAHAA. where are your Jedi mind tricks now Etho? Look at him yelling and pleading with the ravager. Pearl logging in just to roast him. We love it. NOW THERE ARE TWO RAVAGERS LOL. IM LAUGHING SO HARD IM CRYING. He’s overloaded with sounds and no one has any pity for him. We’re too busy laughing. Kangaroo Master LOL. NUMBER 6 HAHAHA

lackey on demand for 30 crowns honestly not a bad idea. LET HER IN!! LET HER KILL! 7 times. This is a farce. “That was a bad booping.” That llama idea by Pearl is brilliant. The shame, the humiliation of dying by being literally spat on. Definitely should be the path of the coward death. Meatball and Snausages LOL.

New plan to live in the dungeon? DUNGEON LET’S PLAY CUB HAHAHA.

AND TANGO GOES IN JUST TO PUNCH HIM. OH MY GOD. PEAK COMEDY. “I can’t believe this. It’s ridiculous at this point. What are you doing?” Eat your own words Etho.

AND HE’S OUT!!! AFTER LIKE 20 MINUTES. Is he literally going to go camp the berry bush. Just live in the treat or trick hut. I’m losing it. IS HE GOING TO RUTSY? I HATE HIM SO MUCH. 12 CROWNS AND 53 EMBERS?!?! DIE. “Just a little more berries and I’ll go just trust me IM GOING Don’t let Gem in” most pathetic man ever.

HES JUST BEELINIG TO ALL BERRIES LOL. AND THE RAVAGER IN THE WATER HAZARD IN THE CRYPT AGAIN. NOT AGAIN. NOT THIS CAMPING AGAIN.

“Oh no you might hit max clank soon” tango stop LOL. “Which year?” LOL. THE HAZARD BERRY BUSH IS INSANE. IT REGREW INSTANTLY TWICE. AND HES JUST THROWING COINS AND KEYS INTO THE LAVA.

AND HE FAILS!! AND DIES TO A VEX!! YAY!!!! GET HIM GEM!!! GET HIS ASS!!

A lava bucket at max clank! Making it worse for himself! Etho’s run was so long that the server died HA.

This run as long as one of my reaction posts.

[coffee-or-hot-cocoa]

Don’t mess with the chef

hahaha lol based @skittlescripts’s isekai to the west au, special thanks to the works of @semisolidmind, @rennsdeaddoves, @thesexydancingcrepe, @rainyriu, @ritzhasmonkeybrain, @rinitachan, @lavenderskye29, @zamypachi and @theweepingegg

Oranges. It all started with oranges, Nikki loved the fruit too much, and while she was willing to share a few slices, she didn’t expect the damn pig to eat all of them while she was distracted from cooking lunch three days ago, of course, she was angry and why wouldn’t she be? While on the outside she may look ditzy and cheerful, Nikki swore revenge with barely contained anger on the inside and she already swore revenge in the worst way she knew how, through food.

The sun was shining brightly on a beautiful peaceful day, while the pilgrims went on their journey to the West, the only female in the group was happily skipping along and humming a little song as they traveled hoping to make time flow faster, she was buzzing with excitement it was finally her turn to cook, she can’t wait to use the potatoes and leeks she bought for a bargain from the town they passed by yesterday, she even found some herbs and mushrooms from the forest they went through this morning. 

Dark eyes sparkled in delight as she thought of recipes to use, making soup was definitely a good option, but she also wanted to make stir-fried potatoes and mushrooms, making potato gnocchi would be nice but there isn’t enough herbs to help flavour the potato, but maybe she can make some classic garlic chili oil noodles with some mushrooms, and potato and leek dumplings, though she can improvise and make Wukong help her with making some baked potato, now if only she can lure Zhu Bajie into a secluded location to butcher him into bacon, unfortunately, they're in an open field so she can’t dump the body for wild animals to eat the carcass, as much as she wanted to kill him, she doesn’t have an established alibi to make her innocent, so those plans for murder must be on hold for now.

The hours passed by quickly as the group made their camp near a pond, the dark-haired woman saw something in the trees, it was a cluster of small round yellow berries, she recognized these from a survival wilderness show she watched, it was chinaberries, she remembered they caused diarrhea and were poisonous, but not enough to kill, with a happy smile, Nikki skipped to the nearest tree and gathered the ripe fruits while the others were distracted in setting up for the night.

Sha Wujing noticed Nikki looking happy while setting up the fire to cook. “Did you decide on what to cook for tonight?” he asked quite curious, the woman seemed more cheerful than usual this evening “Yup~ I’m planning on making some garlic and mushroom noodle soup with potato and leek dumplings!” the young woman chirped as she boiled some water to soften the potatoes and leeks, after the water was finished boiling she used a portion of it and some oil to make noodles while kneading the dough she asked Sha Wujing to wash the potatoes and leeks.

Nikki then chopped the potatoes, leeks, and mushrooms and boiled them, getting a mortar and pestle, she ground some chili, garlic, and ginger into a soft paste to flavour the broth and to mix into the dumplings, once the herbs were done being mashed into a paste, Nikki added half of it to the boiling vegetables, she scooped out the cooked veggies and swapped it with the freshly made noodles and added some salt, the woman then mashed the potatoes and mixed some leftover flour and herb paste to create new dough for dumplings, she then took the leeks and mushrooms and used them as filling for the dumplings, once done she added all of the dumplings to the boiling soup to fully cook.

The rest of the pilgrims just stood by watching as Nikki cooked, it was always a treat for them to watch her use skills in the culinary arts, it was especially endearing when she looks so happy feeding them. Once the food was done cooking, she asked for their bowls and served them, Nikki discretely added the chinaberries to Zhu Bajies bowl, their yellow colouring didn’t seem out of place near the potato dumplings she made, smiling brightly as she joined the group in dinner.

It only took an hour before Zhu Bajie complained of an upset stomach while the rest of the group was warming themselves by the campfire after cleaning up from dinner and it only took 10 minutes before he panicked and scrambled to relieve himself near some bushes, every time he thought he was done and was about to sit down, he had to rush to the nearest bush, after an excruciating 20 minutes, Zhu Bajie was nauseated started to cry while holding his grumbling and upset stomach, the pig started to crawl back to the bush to vomit.

Nikki just smiled happily at the scene and Wukong noticed her gleeful expression. “What’s got you so happy about this? Did you do something?!” he questioned the cheerful woman, the rest of the group stared at the scene, and before Tripitaka can activate his spell on Wukong's fillet, Nikki answered happily, “Yup!~ that’s what he gets for eating all of my snacks three days ago, just because I didn’t get angry at you doesn’t mean I’m not plotting my revenge” Nikki’s smile became wider as she continued “At first I planned to butcher him, but the local predator species wasn’t big enough for it to be believable to make it look like an animal attack and I don’t have an established alibi but then I thought poison is the way to go, luckily I found these chinaberries~.”

The woman had a sadistic little twinkle in her eyes and giggled as Zhu Bajie crawled back to the camp, the pig looked scared at the young woman’s blissfully happy face. “Next time don’t eat all of my fruits, I might not outwardly express my anger, but I won’t hesitate to get even and then some okay?~ welp good night everyone~” and with that, the young woman gleefully skipped to her cot and happily went to sleep, the rest of the group just gaped at her. Yup don’t mess with the chef.

lol should I publish the recipe for this too?

[sharkbatez]

Fallout was good. It had its grand moments and it had its boring ones. I'm loving the fact that we don't see the vault dwellers as just unfortunate people who are naive and can't survive out in the wasteland, but also as a viable faction capable of violence and destruction to justify their idea of a new nation.

I'm very curious about what would happen in New Vegas.

Writing and characterization-wise, there was plenty of parallels with characters from Westworld. It's very hard not to see The Ghoul as Fallout's iteration of The Man in Black, how "this new world" corrupted this kind-hearted man with questionable principles into a morally corrupt cowboy that basically shoots everyone. Lucy seems like a combination of Dolores and Teddy. Max seems like a mix of Teddy and William. A part of me wants to say Moldaver is like Maeve and Rose was her Clementine.

It's a great exploration of the Fallout universe, with its dark dreary setting and moments of light-heartedness. I also like how the show basically depicts different play styles.You can be like Lucy and believe everyone is good and help as much as you can. You can be like Max who does good things as much as he does bad things. You can be the bad guy and just shoot every body like The Ghoul.

Matt Berry as Codsworth hahaha all I can hear is Prince Merkimer. Sad.

The Brotherhood of Steel still sucks. The Elder guy reminded me so much of Father Elijah and it sucks. I would like to see the interior of their aircraft carrier. Just like the Prydwen in Fallout 4, I want it destroyed.

Anyway, the show seems friendly enough for people who haven't played the games. Plenty of blood, gore and violence and flashing lights though.

They did not play Let's Ride Into the Sunset Together.

[protect-daniel-james]

thank you @new-berry and @longeyelashedtragedy for the tag!

Rules: In a new post, post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell us about it. Then tag as many people as you have WIPs. If you don't write, list your art WIPs!

I don't have that much going on in the actual WIPs hahaha. I have a bunch of ideas I haven't even had time to put down on paper.

Take a walk

Big Boss (uhhhh I need to figure out a Proper Name for this one)

My blood will forever run through the stone

do new chapters count?

Fate up against your will chapter 3

Txoria txori chapter 5

I feel like most ppl on herehave been tagged already or they don't really share their writings publicly?? However if you feel like participating please feel free to consider yourself tagged haha!

[singull]

Been working on the yard during my weekends this past month and got it pretty much dog poop free (other than new nuggets the dogs dump out daily lmao). Got lazy with cleaning the poo over the winter because who wants to go outside and do poo duties when it’s cold and miserable outside and your scooper isn’t as handy when contending with ice and snow??

But now it isn’t dangerous to walk around the yard! I can actually get back to the porch with absolutely no shit on my shoes. Hooray!

After that, I started raking up yard debris (branches, dried moss, and SO MANY PINECONES). Got several bags filled up the other day and I just spent an hour doing moar raking (it’s a really gotdamn big yard) that’ll probably fill at least another 3 big bags. /flop

All that work has paid off though because hot damn the yard is looking so good! Now I just need to remind mom to get a pile of clover seeds next weekend so we can have Moar Clover this year.

There’s still a chunk of the yard left to clean up, but it’s cordoned off right now until we can get the fence fixed (it practically got leveled by the snow falling from our neighbor’s roof this past winter).

Not looking forward to having to clean out the firepit again. T A T That took me so much work last year fffffs. We really should salt the area in and around it so vegetation won’t grow there, because hooboy the plants sure do love all that ash.

Something else I want to get done is butcher the salmon berry bushes some because they desperately need it (and they’re a hardy native plant so you absolutely can get away with butchering them lmao). Got a pile of smaller ones we need to pull from the ground too since they’re creeping towards the house again hahaha.

[panelshowsource]

HEY NOW...

aw thanks anon!! i did post my gif resources a while ago but i can post an updated one of these soon and include some psds! my gifs really aren't that good tho anon — if i'm being honest, i don't really spend that much time on colouring like i could — so if you can find someone PROPERLY good (usually a film/tv blog, as you can imagine) they may have really expert tips 🤔

as someone who has been at the ugliest end of reddit & discord tv/britcom fans' trolldom (too nice a word, really), and lived through the fucking unending years-long era of that one incel's rule over the panel show subreddit, i understand the reticence to participate in those spaces — even though, these days, they're mostly pleasant enough and subs that supply downloads (tv_bunny is life) are more or less transactional. that said, the purpose of this blog has always been to service the people who can't or don't torrent — who a lot of reddit & discord tv/britcom fans don't have the patience for, but i digress — so it doesn't bother me that a lot of my followers don't know reddit as well as i do. no worries!

omg! recently i watched after life (i love kerry godliman!!!!!!!), dara ó briain's new special, and i've also been doing my biannual re-listen of the entire horne section podcast because it is so fucking impeccable chef's kiss! i was catching up on guessable but it's really, deeply, truly mid, so i kinda gave up for a while and switched over to breeders (martin freeman agenda continues). otherwise non-panel show things, some films like close, return to dust, un beau matin, etc. — but that's for my main hehe i'm someone who wishes i could watch 10000 things in one day T_T

hahaha i do get asked this a lot!!! like you there's just so. many. and i often chicken out of substantially answering this because if i forget anyone i'll kick myself SO hard later

but

back in the day i answered a similar question about some non-comedians i want to see on taskmaster AND I SAID AMELIA DIMOLDENBERG AND IT CAME TRUE

LIKE

MY BRAIN 🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠

SO MAYBE I CAN MANIFEST THINGS LET'S TRY 🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮

this is personal to me, of course, and i'm considering people i really love + who i think would be really fun specifically on taskmaster, so in a somewhat priority order...

robert webb

stephen mangan

robert irwin

martin freeman

catherine tate

jessica hynes

miles jupp

simon amstell (preferably on the same season as jessica hynes because about 15 years ago (literally) i used to watch this clip religiously, and i'm sure that has something very specific to say about why i am the way i am but we don't have time to psychoanalyse me rn)

larry dean

ed byrne

holly walsh

diane morgan

daniel radcliffe

charlie brooker

hugh laurie

susie dent (omg i was CACKLING at susie, who is never on panel shows(!!!), being on the same episode of guessable as nick helm — and now i kinda wanna see her on the same series of tm as nick helm muhahaha)

kayvan novak

limmy

paul foot

bill bailey

lawrence chaney (i also love the vivienne of course! but i think lawrence may be more fit for tm while the vivenne is more fit for something like celeb juice; btw just watched her on guessable with ivo graham, and ivo calling her "viv"...omg...it did something to me...it really did...again, we're not talking about why i am the way i am)

vic reeves

the sexted boys

some other randoms people i'd certainly be happy to see, even if they don't make the priority manifesting roster — ahir shah, adam buxton, danny dyer, jimmy carr, graham norton, matt berry, glenn moore, maggie aderin-pocock, gary delaney, hal cruttenden, rhys james, huge davies, josie long, alasdair beckett-king, gino d'acampo, julian barrett, and tonsss of actors but we'd be here all day

i don't think there are many people i vehemently do not want to see on the show. while there are of course a few comedians i just don't like, and if taskmaster puts another tory politician on the panel again i'll fucking write in with my upset, the disappointment i typically feel if and when i see a new lineup is more along the lines of "meh they're fine but they took the place of someone i'd much rather see". but tm is also so good at introducing us to people we may not have seen much of before — and then we love them, so i trust the producers and alex a lot!

🔮 MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING 🔮

—

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[fireflyhwufanficwriter]

My thoughts on Dr. Stone’s S03E02 (“Greed Equals Justice”)

(Safe to read for anime-only folks.)

My thoughts after watching Season Three, Episode Two:

01. Kohaku and Chrome like Senku's incredibly burnt bread, but poor Ryusui really, really wants a professional chef! That face he made looked so sketchy XD

02. This OP seems to be a lot less spoilery compared to past OPs! There's still stuff there that you can see, but not as much as it could have been. I guess they really wanted to keep some of the good stuff as a surprise! :D

03. The title of the second episode... Greed Equals Justice! :)

04. "Journalass" :D And she looked away, which must have showed Gen that Ryusui was onto something! And Minami does have an AWESOME name for a journalist! :D

05. Ah, we got some invention flashbacks! :)

06. "Enough for a tiger cub?" Hahaha! Is that some sort of Japanese idiom? It sounds funny and cool! XD

07. Francois is here! :) I think that when I first read the manga, I thought she would either have red hair or a red outfit. But since they gave Ryusui a red outfit in the anime, it makes sense that they'd give Francois a different color!

08. I like how she just started walking in presumably the right direction, since they didn't tell her she was going the wrong way. It's like she has a mental compass pointing straight to Ryusui XD

09. So Ryusui doesn't remember Francois' real name or gender... but he remembers her fashion style, and her clothing and shoe sizes? That's... some selective memory there :O

10. ...And she walked into the conversation, just like that! XD Poor Gen... this isn't the first time he's had to go through those woods without rest... AND he's barefoot! :O

11. Poor modern-timers... XD Kohaku and Chrome's stick figures looked happy, though! :D

12. Somebody asking Senku for an even MORE accurate figure than he's already provided... I don't blame him for looking perplexed XD

13. Time for stollen! :) Ah, so Kohaku knows how to use that... that... animal-catching thingy! That's good info! She surprised Ukyo with her animal catching, and Francois with her butter making :D

14. And the elderly folks are helping with the stollen, too! Pretty convenient that those berry plants are around their height! :)

15. Pretty cool to see Senku learning something and being on the sidelines while somebody else is doing the teaching! And he and Ryusui got scolded XD

16. Hmm, I'm going to have to figure out when they found the time to build that bread oven... It's too large to just be former iron forge, although they could have used some of the same bricks... but, no, even these new bricks are too large and square... :O

17. Senku helped by injecting water into the oven! :) And Francois totally wants him... to be part of the future Nanami Conglomerate :D

18. Chrome's so happy, Kohaku likes it, and even Ukyo is teary-eyed... :) We can also see random villagers enjoying it! And Francois showed us how to make bread! :)

19. Poor Minami... But everybody is so happy about Francois' bread! XD And there it is again, "tiger cub's worth of revival fluid" XD

20. While the others were talking about what Minami wanted in return, Kohaku was just in the background, quietly gobbling up that loaf of bread :D And aww, Kohaku's very considerate of Kaseki! :)

21. That car, those clothes, that drip... wow, Kaseki! :O ...Although the clothes didn't last for very long... XD

22. Some building, some science, and voila, a mirror! Another invention that Chrome and the elderly folks are enjoying! :)

23. That's what Minami REALLY wanted... a camera! :D And we got bits of backstory about her! It is SO in-character for a journalist to want to photograph the green light of the pertrification! She was the one who made me cry this episode. She made such a beautiful promise to Senku and the rest of them! :)

24. Grr, Senku... XD Well, at least Minami's going to take the first photo... and it's great that Ryusui knew who the subject of the stone world's first ever photograph should rightly be :)

25. Francois has great insight into Ryusui's motivations and desires! :O

26. A suit; an old-timey waistcoat thingy; some kind of rockstar getup that totally makes him look like Byakuya (and that buckle, hahaha! I see you, animators :D); another modern outfit, and... huh?! :O

27. Senku sticking his tongue out - the pose of the modern world's most famous scientist, recreated by the stone world's most famous scientist! :D

28. I wonder if those circle thingies in the ED are elements that somehow relate to the five wise generals? :O

29. Francois has joined the party; we've acquired bread, mirrors, and photography; and Minami took the very first photo in the stone world! :) But, oh, the next episode... "First Contact..." I CANNOT wait! :O I'm going to watch it right after I publish this post! :D

https :// fireflyhwufanficwriter . tumblr . com / MyDrStoneEpisodeMangaThoughts

[therandomcreechur]

mmmkmock

hello! id like to make fanart of your ocs! wondering how i can do so?? hahaha (i am new to this website. sorry :C) and if youd like any preferred ocs to have fanart made of..!

yeah uh rhats it goodbye!! good night

I have a new oc shadow! Basically, he travels through people. (Not in a weird way)

And my main oc is nightmare Berry

Non binary, she/they/he

[sharkblizzardblogs]

Last Line Tag

Thank you @little-peril-stories for the tag!

This turned out to be a last snippet since I'm a sucker for context hahaha! From my WIP Nowhere to Nowhere, see my writing page for more 😁

Thorn was not the only faerie to explore the new structures with their accompanying culture, but he was one of the boldest. With as big as the world was to Thorn, he greatly preferred sailing to walking. A boat made of woven berry vines with three large leaves to serve as sails was his pride and joy. He gave it the noble name Blackberry's Branch and invited any who would wish to come along, though it was Esker who volunteered nearly everytime.

"Good morning!" Esker called, he was alike to Thorn in height but with a sturdier build and skin of mottled stone. "I've brought another journal and refilled my paints. Do you think we'll speak to them today?"

"I think today is as good as any to show ourselves." Thorn agreed.

No Pressure Tagging: New folks in @writeblr and anyone who is interested

[blushedtrait]

Hi! i’m loving the aesthetic of your blog so far! it’s so cosy and clean and soft! i was wondering if you had any tips on playing the game in that way? more slowly ig? i’ve wanted to try play like that but the 3x speed button calls to me haha

Hello there, lovely! First of all, thank you so much for the compliment on my aesthetic! I really appreciate it 🤍

Second of all, I think I’m the last person you should be asking this bc I am quite new to the “soft aesthetic” gameplay style hahaha. I’m usually more of a challenge player as I get bored so easily and need to have goals in order to keep me engaged. The challenge i’m playing rn and the only save i played with for 3 years straight is the not so berry challenge. But because challenges are very fast paced, i wanted to try something new, something a lot more slow paced and one i can take my time with. I took a lot of inspiration from other simmers with the soft gameplay style, and here is what I’ve learned:

Mess around in cas. Who knows, maybe that sim would be the one you want to start a brand new save with! That’s what happened when I first made Lacey. Without her, I wouldn’t have started this simblr :) Try out different styling. The soft aesthetic typically uses very soft colours like beige or light pink and pops of colours here and there, but honestly whatever suits your taste!

Make a backstory for your sim. If you can’t think of any, using the create a story feature in cas can help a lot. I think backstories can make you want to actually play with them to see how their life will unfold.

Take things slow. Watch your sim increase their skills, watch them as they eat their meal and socialize with their loved ones. I know speed three is very tempting, but taking things slow with your sim will help you become more attached to them.

Take your sims out! Whether it’s outing with their friends, family, or even a self care day. Send them on vacations. Summer in Sulani or Tartosa, winter in Mt. Komorebi or Granite Falls.

Take photos of your sim and put them around your sims’ house! It adds a nice touch personal touch to their homes.

Maybe this is just me, but using gshade is a must for me. Having a pretty game makes me want to play it hahaha

That’s all i can think of at the top of my head rn. I didn’t mean for this answer to be sooo long but I hope it helped a little bit! Remember that how you play the game is very personal to you and your own preferences. As long as you enjoy playing it, then that’s all that matters! Hope you have a wonderful day 🤍🫧

[granny-core]

Inspired by Héléne, can you tell us about your gardening? What do you prioritize and how do you go about making choices? ♥️ Alicia in the US (Iowa)

Yesss!💖💖💖 I could talk about gardening for ages, hahaha! I'm sorry if this is more information than you asked for.

Two things that very much affect my priorities are space limitations, and the cold Norwegian climate. Another thing is that I personally care more about maximizing the amount of food I get to harvest, than I do about the aesthetics. This means I usually go for cold hardy vegetables that will tolerate a short growing season and don't take up too much space, and don't grow flowers that aren't edible. This garden came with a lilac hedge surrounding it though, so that's a bonus!

The space I have available is greatly limited by the fact that I don't own my home, so all changes I do to the garden have to be at least somewhat reversible for future tenants. I currently have three raised beds, as well as lots and lots of large pots, haha. My biggest priorities are potatoes and carrots (super easy to grow in this climate, nourishing, and makes for a pretty good amount of food in a small space), as well as tomatoes (because I really like them). I usually go with early micro-dwarf cherry varieties in pots, because they grow quickly and will have time to ripen before it gets too cold. I can also carry them back inside if some days are colder in spring. Aside from my staples, I like to try something new every year, like daikon, bell peppers, sugar snap peas, strawberries, pumpkins, etc. I do have IBS though, so I try not to grow veggies that I can't really eat, like beans, onions and garlic haha. I tend to keep some fresh herbs too, but the cold and wet summers here make some of them quite hard to grow, so I stick to stuff like chives and parsley.

I also grow some edible flowers, mostly for fun. Violas and pansies are my favourites, and I usually end up growing way more of them than I should. I also like to have some dwarf sunflowers around.

If I am able to afford buying a home, I would like to plant raspberries, blackcurrants and redcurrants as well. Most Nordic gardens have them because they are super easy to grow, stay forever with little to no care, and produce lots and lots of berries no matter how awful the summer weather gets, hahaha!

Summing things up, I prioritize veggies that I know I like, that tolerate the climate, and that don't take up too much space. I also try to save some money on seeds by collecting my own!

[spindas-juice-bar]

I am very looking forward to new holiday recipes! Your smoothies got me through grad school 😋 I forget which color gummi drink it was based off of, but I remember looking up the one for poison types bc it’s my favorite type and finding the smoothie recipe and it was so good it is probably my favorite smoothie!

Do you have any plans to use cranberry in any of the holiday drinks? I love cranberry anything and cranberry sauce is my favorite part of holiday meals.

ahhh i'm so glad my humble little blog has helped you, ur giving me warm fuzzy feelings hahaha

I am a cranberry STAN and i've been trying to figure out which pokemon berry could feasibly be a cranberry stand-in for continuity purposes so if anyone has an opinion on that it would be greatly appreciated!

I have a cranberry-based recipe in the works based on this ask tho! I just don't know how to title the post hahhah