#[ I refuse to sell something I worked on 7-10 hours a day for 3-5 days a week for a whole month or two for $100 while scribbles mcgee ]

[juniper-sunny]

The Art in the Heart - Chapter 10

It’s time to tell Silco the whole truth of your history. Who knows if it might scare him off for good…

Everybody Lives AU | Pre-Act I | Silco x Reader | Female!Reader | Slow Burn | Fluff | Mild Angst || SFW | TW: Mentions of Bullying, Mugging, Offscreen Death | WC: 2.27k

ao3 || Masterlist || Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 3.5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

taglist: @sherwood-forests @deny-the-issue @let-the-monster-out @ariaud @joscelyn02 @crunchlite @sheacrowley

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This might be the last time you ever get to enjoy Silco’s company, and yet you’re staring at the ground. But maybe it’s better that way; if you look into his seafoam teal eyes, you’re liable to drown. They contain the same passion and intensity as the ocean itself, a force of nature that is at times beautifully tranquil, but can never be tamed or controlled. 

You wonder if you’ve studied his face enough by now to be able to depict him accurately in a painting. The soulfulness of his eyes alone would take hours to capture, not to mention mixing countless different paints to get that precise color that’s not quite a true blue or green, but something in between. The complexity of the color matched only by the hidden depths of the man himself. 

Will your memories be enough of a reference? If he refuses to pose for a portrait?

You should meet his eyes when you talk to him. It’s the least he deserves. But your neck won’t obey you and your head won’t turn either.

(You don’t deserve to look at him.) 

Well, no use in putting this off any longer. Clearing your throat hurts, but you finally begin.

“Do you remember how I started working for Pilties?” You had told him that morning a long time ago, the day after the burglary. 

“You were selling paintings at a Progress Day fair, when you were 17 years old,” Silco recalls. “When you were about to be arrested for vending without a permit, a philanthropic Topside merchant came to your rescue. He was so impressed by your skill he declared himself your patron on the spot.”

Despite yourself, you feel a beaming pride at the memory. “He wanted portraits for him and his entire family. He had a wife and four kids, so it was a literal jackpot. It was a pain in the ass getting them to pose, though.” 

The lump in your throat returns with a vengeance, a harsh, choking pain. Along with memories and old wounds resurfacing that you normally try to keep at bay. It’s been a long time since you actively recalled them. The act of confession seems to worsen your agony.

“At that time I was still living here, at Janna’s Hearth. Kharon, Teema, and Cuny were happy for me, but the other kids… weren’t,” you say slowly. “They’d say stuff like I was a Piltie bitch, or that I was turning my back on the Undercity. Some said that my real mom was a prostitute and that my dad was a Topsider, so I should just leave the orphanage and go ‘home’.” That one gets a chuckle out of you. 

Silco grimaces. “That’s not funny at all.”

You shrug. “It’s just kids talking shit, you know? But then… it started getting worse.” 

Telling Silco about the bullying is easier than you thought. It’s been so long now, you suppose it’s a blessing that there are some memories you’re emotionally detached from at all: your paints getting stolen, paintbrushes destroyed, sketchbooks torn up. Some of your already completed canvases had even been burned, forcing you to request a delay in commission deadlines. 

(And you deserved every minute of it.) 

It doesn’t seem to be easy listening for Silco, though. For all his experience as a revolutionary, you’d think he’d be made of tougher stuff. His face turns stiff as stone, his grave demeanor betrayed only by the trembling of his clenched fists.

“My friends really pulled through for me,” you continue. “Gita and Kai would take turns watching my stuff when I wasn’t around. Nyle beat some of the bullies up too. They were great… and then they started asking for money.

“I was happy to give it to them at first. But Gita and Kai kept asking for more and more, and they didn’t want to hang out unless I had money for them. That’s when I told them to piss off,” you admit. You hope that Silco won’t ask you to go into more detail; part of your ego never healed from the fact that your “friends” wanted you to pay for the pleasure of their company.

You can’t help the way you sound: spoiled by your good luck. Complaining about having more than enough money to help your friends. 

(You really do sound like a Piltie bitch right now.)

“What about Nyle?” Silco asks grimly. 

“Oh, she was great,” you say with a watery smile. “Never asked for a single coin. We moved in together. She even insisted on splitting all the bills.

“Then one night… I was walking home,” you hunch in on yourself, resting your chin on your knees. Fisting the cuff of your pants until your knuckles turn white. “I had just gotten paid… and someone was following me. I tried to get away, but they caught up to me. I ended up losing all my money that night.” 

Silco’s eyebrows shoot up in shock. “What did they do to you??”

“Oh, nothing,” you cringe at the misunderstanding. (Don’t make Silco pity you for something that never happened. Stop trying to make a martyr of yourself.) “They never touched me. I just threw my money at them to get away. But that was my half of rent for the month. 

“Nyle lost her shit at me that night. It turned out that Gita and Kai were sharing the money they got from me with her. That way Nyle could play both sides,” Even after all this time, a bitter part of you is still impressed by your former best friend’s duplicity. Part of the guilt in your chest dissolves into an acidic, burning anger. “Apparently she had been making me pay the entirety of the rent without telling me. I don’t know why she didn’t just ask me when we first moved in, I would’ve been fine with it.

“Anyways… She kicked me out that night. I— I didn’t have anywhere else to go. If Kharon hadn’t found me—“ The tightness in your throat intensifies. Your jaw locks and it hurts to swallow.

That night inflicted scars that never quite healed yet. It hurt to be treated so badly.

(But they needed you. You were a bad friend. And you’re a bad person. Does Silco know what a failure you are?) 

“I owe Kharon, Teema, and Cuny everything. I actually live and work here when I’m not on a job. I only stay at the Promenade when I have to meet with Topside clients… apparently people who live in the Undercity for too long smell bad,” you roll your eyes. 

“Where are they now? Your ‘friends’,” Silco’s voice is hard and cold. 

It’s been a long battle, but you finally give up: your vision swims with tears that start pooling in your eyes. With a wobbling voice, you answer mournfully, “Kai died in the mines. Gita’s missing… no one’s been able to track her down for years. I think Nyle’s a tattoo artist in the Lanes.” 

You still need to pull yourself together. If Silco hasn’t figured it out by now, there’s still one more thing you need to spell out for him. 

It’s the hardest, but most important thing to say. The heartbreak can come later. 

“It was all my fault… If I were a better person… I could’ve saved them. I should have saved them. But I was too greedy… I wanted to keep my friends and my money. And now I have money and no friends,” the mirthless sound that escapes you is more of a cough than a laugh. “Do you still want a spoiled, selfish brat like me in the Children?”

 Silco pulls you in for a hug before you finish your question. His arms wrap tight around you as you finally succumb to great, heaving sobs. 

It’s not just the shame and remorse from past demons that’s tearing your heart apart right now. 

Now that Silco knows everything, he’s going to leave you. And that terrifies you. 

You’ll never see him again. 

As if he can read your thoughts, Silco starts wiping your tears. Pulling you in closer, forcing you to lower your legs so you’re pressed into his torso.

“You are none of those things,” he says softly. “You did no wrong in those terrible circumstances. Listen to me,” he places his hands on the side of your head. Firmly but gently tilting your head up to look him in the eyes. “You must understand this: the ones who dared call themselves your ‘friends’ betrayed you. All they did was take advantage of your generosity.”

“But—”

“You didn’t fail them,” he cuts you off, correctly anticipating your counterargument. “Their well-being was not your responsibility. Even if it were, that would have been too much for any one individual to handle alone.

“You did nothing wrong,” he repeats. 

With his hands still holding your face, you can’t turn away. It’s almost disorienting, the effect his words have on you. Warmth and relief are twin arms around your heart. They’re not quite enough to save you from drowning, but they pull a great deal of weight off your shoulders, making it easier for you to swim to the surface. 

One of Silco’s hands wraps around the back of your head. The other holds your chin. Directing your gaze upwards as he presses his forehead against yours.

“I will say it as many times as you need to hear it… You’re perfect,” he whispers.

It’s not enough to pull you out of the waters you’ve been treading for years. But in between your sobs, you take a deep, gasping inhale, filling your lungs and body with a renewed vitality. 

Your hands rise to touch him. The action is involuntary, but feels perfectly natural. One of your hands falls on the side of his neck. The other rests on his shoulder. 

“You’re cute, too,” Silco’s nose touches yours. You hear the smile in his voice more than you see it. He’s so close to you now. 

You sniffle and laugh. “I’m surprised you remembered last night.”

(“And I meant it when I said you were cute. You are cute. Feel free to ask me when I’m sober. I’ll tell you again and again, as many times as you need to hear it.”)

“Don’t you know? I always keep my promises,” he says under his breath. 

His lips part. The perfect space to fit yours against him. 

All you need to do is lean in closer…

And closer…

And—

“Auntie?” Vi’s voice shatters the moment. The little girl stands in the doorway.

You pull back with a gasp. Breaking free from Silco’s hands. 

“Hi sweetie!” You squeak out. Jumping to your feet. Almost stepping on Silco in your haste to run to Vi. Silco’s words and the intimate moment have you wound up, your heart hammering erratically and palms sweating.

He scoots backwards. Eyes following your progress across the room. 

You crouch down next to the little girl, determinedly fixing your gaze on her. “What’s up?”

“Is my rabbit here?” The little girl asks. 

Silco notices the toy. It’s still next to the bed that Powder was hiding under. He picks it up and hands it to you, looking you in the eyes when he does so. 

You take it from him without returning his gaze. 

“Here you go, Vi,” you tell her. “Have you finished breakfast yet?”

“No.”

“Tell Kharon I said it’s okay for you to have seconds,” you pat her head. “You have to eat a lot so you grow big and strong!” Hopefully the manic energy in your voice comes off as enthusiastic and not panicky. 

After receiving another smooch on her forehead, Vi dashes off. 

You’re tempted to run after her. But you can't leave Silco behind. You stand and take a deep breath, turning to face him. 

“Thank you,” you whisper. 

“Whatever on earth for?” Silco asks, getting to his feet. Stepping closer to you.

It’s hard to find the right words. To describe how much Silco means to you. His friendship, his support, his countless kindnesses…

It means everything. So much more than you can say. 

Instead of speaking, you hug him. Standing on tiptoe to wrap your arms around his neck. 

He reciprocates immediately. Lean but corded arms wrapping around your waist. Nuzzling his cheek against your hair. 

He keeps you warm. Not just with how comforting his arms are around you, but also melting the painful frost that’s trapped your heart for so long. 

You don’t know how long you both hold each other in silence. It’s nice enough that you want it to last forever. Two moons orbiting each other, unable and unwilling to break free to rejoin the greater galaxy. You press your face into his chest while he strokes your hair.

Silco’s stomach gurgles. Rumbling the moment like shattering glassware. 

You wince when you pull away from him. “I’m so sorry, I forgot you haven’t eaten. Why don’t you go and get some—”

“I’m fine,” Silco insists. He looks as chagrined as you feel. “Besides, we have many more rooms to finish.”

“I can take care of it—”

“Please, allow me to help you,” Silco says. “Then perhaps you’d like to join me for brunch?”

You take a moment to ponder his offer. Even if you weren’t starting to get hungry yourself, good food is always more enjoyable in good company.

And Silco is the best company you could ever hope to ask for.

When you tell Silco yes, he beams at you. 

Gods, what a beautiful smile. You hope you’ll get the chance to paint it one day. 

Chapter 11

[speakingagain]

I am 24 years old. So far, being in my 20's I have learned quite a bit. First off, you think you know anything about life, you're wrong. Especially when you are just becoming an adult.

Second, your 20's will not be the best years of your life. Literally everyone lied about it. Being an adult sucks, and it doesn't get better. You just learn to manage it better.

Your 20's are just your era to actually figure out what you're going to do with your life and who you are as a person.

Here's what I have learned so far about life and myself:

1) Coffee is my addiction and I have no plans on getting rid of it. If I could, I'd replace my blood with a cold brew.

2) I'm worth more than I have ever thought, and I only learned this because others valued me less than I should have been.

3) Milk is expensive. Gas is expensive. Paint is expensive. Existing is expensive.

4) No matter how appealing it is to hit someone, I would NOT thrive in jail. Even if they deserve it.

5) I have serious issues letting go of things. Physically, or emotionally. I hold grudges. And I keep shit I don't need. I actually have an entire box of shit from people I hate that I refuse to get rid of purely because I want to burn it, but I have no way of doing that safely unless I go up to my family cabin which is a hour away and has other members of my family there pretty much all the time and I'm not about that.

6) I want to be an extrovert but I genuinely hate people and I don't think that will ever change.

7) I got drunk and ate an edible once before a work Christmas party for a job I got laid off from a week before and went as a plus one for someone. Apparently people were highly concerned about me because I was talking so much.

8) People genuinely don't give a shit about what you're doing. More often than not, they find you amusing or slightly annoying. And they go on about their day. Do the weird thing you love, because it makes you happy. Even if you get weird stares. It's worth it.

9) I like cleaning and having things clean. But I hate having to clean. Having a clean space has scientific research behind it, stating that it helps improve your mental state. Do I know this very well? Yup. Do I actually keep my shit clean? Hell no.

10) Your mom will tell you that you're an adult and don't need a mother anymore and then when she wants you to do something you don't want to do, she will say, "I am your mother" to get you to do it.

11) My mom is the coolest person ever because she will vape THC with me (medical purposes duh) before bed and then sit on the balcony and laugh and giggle while staring at the stars with me. It is one of my favorite things to do with her and I really hate the fact that winter doesn't allow that.

12) Your shitty job that doesn't pay you a livable wage genuinely doesn't give a fuck about you. You can get better jobs with little to no experience that pay you well and offers decent benefits. Just quit applying to anything that focuses on customer service and the like.

13) Everyone is dead inside in Walmart. Everyone.

14) Promoting people who are being rude in stores (looking at you Karen) to use their words and ask for what they need is either going to get them to behave like an adult or royally piss them off. Either way, it's hilarious.

15) If you're starting off with nothing and money is tight, the dollar store has literally everything required to start up your kitchen.

15a) do not buy a can opener from the dollar store. It will break every time you use it. Spend a few extra bucks and go to Walmart or target.

15b) thrift stores sells random bundles of kitchen ware for like $2. I once found a $400 set of kitchen knives for $8 that just needed sharpened and CAME WITH THE SHARPENER.

16) If you can't afford to do something nice for yourself every once in a while like go get your nails done or a new pair of sneakers or whatever floats your boat, buy yourself that nice expensive toilet paper. Your booty deserves the best and it's relatively cheap compared to the other things you can't afford but love.

17) You can work on improving yourself, even if you don't have a therapist. Start asking yourself the hard questions you don't want to answer.

19) It is okay to be upset. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to express them. What isn't okay, is forcing everyone to feel your emotions and make them everyone else's problems.

20) I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time, and I'm not sure I will ever really know but it's a vibe.

21) Remember to relax your shoulders and your jaw.

22) I am actually a pretty good looking person, but I prefer to be comfy and wear 'unflattering' things than to cater to other people's images of beauty.

23) Space heaters are way cheaper than using gas to heat your home. Electricity is cheaper than gas. Candles can also be used to heat but aren't as effective, but can be used if you have no power.

24) know your tenant laws. Record every conversation with your landlord, or office people anywhere you rent. They will screw you over just because they assume you don't know your rights. They differ for each state but they are there to protect you from sleezy landlords. Which is 99.99% of landlords.

25) Feeling crappy? Make sure your basic needs have been met. Food, water (not coffee), hygiene, sleep, and attention. That will probably solve your problem.

I had a whole point to this post today. I don't remember what it was at this point. Stay safe y'all, and take care of yourself ❣️

[messythiccbitvh]

💖 The guide to becoming my dream girl 💖

Inspired by @2pretty✨

Because I got to the party late, I will be starting tomorrow, June 5th.

My dream girl focuses on bettering herself through her mental and physical health, her finances, and her studies. She prioritizes herself and ensures that she is stress free. She stimulates her mind by reading, studying her courses, and learning new things every day (no matter how big or small). She has a strict daily routine and practices self-discipline in all aspects of her life.

How I see my dream girl:

1. She is organized and maintains a clean and respectable living area and workspace.

2. She refuses to leave the house if she does not look put together and ensures she always looks stylish and feminine whenever she walks out the door.

3. She focuses on her mental health and heals her past traumas, so they do not affect her present, nor her future.

4. She tries to eat as many plant-based/whole foods options as often as possible and exercises regularly in order to enhance her physique.

5. She takes care of her outer appearance and has a strict beauty regimen.

6. She practices her spirituality regularly and is close with Mother Earth.

7. She studies hard and regularly in order to get good grades and maintain her scholarship.

8. She allows herself to learn things outside of her formal education by reading a new book each month, attending webinars, and learning about both sides of potential controversial topics in order to learn different people’s perspectives.

9. She ensures that she is financially stable and thriving by investing and utilizing her money wisely.

10. She does not let anything hold her back from achieving her goals and regularly works on her self-esteem in order to improve her self-confidence.

11. She socializes and spends time with friends and does not give time to anyone who does not positively influence her.

12. She explores herself mentally and spiritually in order to ensure that she is in tune with herself and her soul.

June: Health is Wealth

Lose 5 lbs

Workout 5 days a week and do something to be active every day (even if it’s just a walk)

Run at least two miles 3x a week

Complete Darihana Nova’s Booty Band Guide

Drink at least 100 fl oz of water a day

Focus on Eating more whole foods and less trash foods

Limit refined sugars/added sugars this month

No soda

Do not binge eat or overeat

Eat a salad 3x a week

Eat at least 3 vegetables a day

Eat at least 2 fruits a day

Explore and find more healthy and appetizing recipes

Take vitamins every day

Limit alcohol and weed intake

Begin reading Fabulosity: What it is and How to Get it by Kimora Lee Simmons

July: Focusing on Finances

Become more familiar with the financial world

Read financial blogs weekly

Watch YouTube videos dedicated to finance

Read Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

Begin investing in index funds

Possibly open up high yield savings account

Finally move up from a hostess to a server

Hustle at work and make at least $1,500 this month (save some and invest the rest)

Look into low interest loans for my master’s

Begin to sell my old Littlest Pet Shops and old clothes online

August: Study Like it’s September

Prepare myself to start grad school

Decorate my workspace and desk area into a more motivating and peaceful space

Develop a regular morning routine

Wake up every day at 5:30AM

Go to the gym or go for a walk

Read at least one hour each day

Leave the house at least 2x a week as if you were to go to school or your internship

Pick up my room and workspace each day to ensure that it is clean and prepared for my school life to begin again

Develop a regular, consistent, and healthy sleep routine/schedule

Attend/view webinars relating to social work practice, social justice, the justice system, and more

Begin to prepare myself to study like Elle Woods for the next 12 months

Read A Goal Digger’s Guide by Baje Fletcher

September: Curate My Closet and Care for Myself

Find my style

Find classic, basic, and timeless pieces

Find a style icon to look up to/get ideas from

Reconnect with my inner childhood fashionista (as I was a girly girl back then)

Find ways to always feminize clothing and outfits

Wear jewelry every day

Watch YouTube videos dedicated to femininity

Introduce and display my new style by attending social events and leaving the house more

Ensure that I never leave the house looking “rough”

Hair needs to always be done or at least pulled back neatly

Must wear “suitable” and flattering outfits

Look my best whenever I leave the house

Continue with my strict beauty regimen

Grow my nails out (again)

Do regular at home mani-pedis

Learn more about natural makeup styles

Exfoliate 3x a week

Continue to focus on eating well and losing weight

Start to focus on toning up for that *fall* body

Begin Darihana Nova’s Ultimate 8 Week Full Body Guide Volume 2

Read 50 Things Every Young Woman Should Know by Kay West

October: Spirituality Season

Study and become more familiar with each tarot card and their meanings

Complete a tarot reading each week

Learn more about crystals and their uses/properties

Continue to eat whole foods and eat more plant-based in order to fuel my body and connect me with the earth more

Learn about herbs and their uses/significance

Read Sacred Woman by Queen Afua

November: Know Yourself November

Begin mirror work

Read Mirror Work by Louise Hay

Journal every day

Focus on healing my past traumas

Begin to heal my inner child

Practice being more honest with people

Stop being a people pleaser

Continue to garner more self-confidence and develop a higher self-esteem

Spend more time with friends and loved ones

December: Wrapping up, Final Review, and Preparation

Be at my goal weight by the end of the month

Continue to focus on eating well and losing weight

Begin to focus on toning up for that *winter* body

Study like Elle Woods to prepare for finals

Review the year

Reflect on and celebrate all that you have accomplished

Celebrate yourself -- this is your birthday month after all

Travel somewhere (whether it be in the US or outside of the US)

Read Living in the Light by Shakti Gawain

Complete any goals that you have not yet completed

Remove/leave behind anything/anyone that you do not want to take with you moving into 2022

Prepare for 2022

Create a 12-month goals guide for 2022

[thoughtsonhurtandcomfort]

12C, part 12

Part 1 |  Part 2 |  Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |  Part 6 |   Part 7 |   Part 8 |   Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 |

Tag List: @deluxewhump @whumpinggrounds @yet-another-heathen   @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog  @killtheprotagonist

Content Warnings:  immortal whumpee, lady whumpee, captivity, lab whump, dehydration, starvation, exhaustion, temporary character death, sort of dehumanization? or perhaps better stated as disregard for ones humanity

Author’s Notes: I call this chapter ‘I have no clue what I’m doing but I’m trying’. Brought to you by 6 lovely souls. :) Usually I do a deeper edit of these but I’m feeling lazy tonight and really want to get this one up so I can move forward. I was also a little writer’s blocked this week so apologies if it’s not my best work. :\

Also, I think I might post the next set of parts under a new title...picking up where this leaves off, of course! But there’s something nice and complete about there being 12 ‘chapters’ to this, and as you’ll see, the title being named for the room might not apply anymore. ;)  So if you’re on this tag list or watching this series don’t be alarmed if suddenly a new title is there when the next part pops up.

----

Emmeline has been gone before - taken away for testing or left somewhere overnight so they can check for results in the morning.

But this is different.

Everything is gone. The table, the equipment, everything except the camera in the corner. The room is completely dark and empty.

Liv pulls out her clipboard and flips to her page for the room - or, she would, if it was there. She hasn’t been given any checklist, any notes, anything for room 12C. It’s as though no one was ever there.

Slowly she backs out of the room and shuts and locks the door. In her mind she begins frantically skimming through every moment of the day she can remember. Did anyone look at her differently? Say something to her?

This has to be my fault somehow.

Right?

And yet, no one called her to an office or confronted her in the hallway. She came in to work and went about her day as usual. Surely if they suspected her of tampering with a subject, or any other violation, they would take action immediately?

Unless Emmeline is being punished instead of me.

But where is she?

Liv goes through her final routine tasks of the night on autopilot, her mind turning over every worst possible scenario.

Maybe Emmeline was taken to another lab. Maybe there’s an even more top-secret level to this lab that she has no idea about. Or maybe...maybe that bastard Dr. Crafton did something with her…

An additional thought creeps in that Liv refuses to dwell on.

What if she died for good this time?

But that can’t be true. Even at her most fearful and cynical, Liv can’t comprehend the tragedy of Emmeline’s light being snuffed out in this prison after hanging on so long.

She has to be alive somewhere. Suffering, scared, but alive.

But where?

----

In the days that follow Liv performs her magnum opus of pretending things are fine.

On the surface she’s as calm, quiet, and moody as always. Inside she’s constantly paranoid, expecting to be confronted at every turn, pulled into an office and questioned. She’s wary of the researchers and of security, even of her own boss. She over analyzes every look and interaction.

But one, two, three days into the week and nothing has changed except Emmeline being gone and, as of Wednesday evening, a new resident in room 12C. The balancing act in Liv’s mind between ‘I’m so fucked’ and ‘where is Emmeline’ tips in favor of the latter. It’s not as though she can ask someone. So she starts simply...listening.

Her late hours are an obstacle; most of the researchers have left by the time she starts cleaning. But the ones that sometimes stay over tend to be the chattiest when they believe no staff - at least, in their mind, no staff worth acknowledging - are present.

It takes caution and patience, but soon from observations and overheard conversations with her headphones in, Liv manages to piece together what happened.

There are whispers of new subjects, more than they have room for. Frustrated complaints of how the ‘research’ with Emmeline was going nowhere, of failed blood transfusions and transplants. ‘Fascinating but useless’ was how one of them put it. Without results the funding would soon dry up, but selling her to a competitor would be disastrous if the competitor had success where they didn’t.

But that’s as far as Liv gets. A why without a where. They don’t have a room for her or funding to continue research, but they won’t sell her. In a better world they’d let her go, but Liv doesn’t humor that idea for a second.

Her suspicions still linger on Dr. Crafton a little while longer. Considering his newfound enjoyment of torture, she wouldn’t put it past him to ‘volunteer’ to move Emmeline to a private lab of his or something.

This soon disproves itself for her. In the fleeting moments she sees Dr. Crafton he seems irritable, not at all like a man who got exactly what he wanted. Then one evening she overhears him griping about the ‘wasted potential’ of the former subject in 12C and Liv is sure he doesn’t have her.

Any satisfaction she gets from these discoveries is quickly dulled by still not knowing where Emmeline is. Liv keeps showing up, keeps hoping, does her work in spite of the gnawing ache of Emmeline’s absence. All this time Liv was trying to help and comfort her, she didn’t realize how much of a help and comfort Emmeline was in return.

I just want to see her again...

----

A week passes, and then another. Liv still listens, still keeps an eye out, but her hope is fading. No one notices, of course. She was always a little sullen, always kept to herself. As long as she continues to be a good worker, no one bothers her or questions her.

That night is particularly quiet. Most subjects are asleep or keep to themselves. Even the chatty guards in Hall A are bored and end up listening to a sports radio show rather than talk to each other or Liv.

Near the end of her shift Liv makes her way to that floor’s storage room. It’s a small, dingy room with a single lightbulb that barely illuminates all of the shelves that line the walls. Nothing important resides here - not samples or expensive medical equipment. Only cleaning supplies, tools for maintenance, a handful of basic first aid, and obsolete equipment gathering dust, some of which might be older than the building itself.

Normally Liv prefers the supply room on the floor above; it’s a little bigger, a little cleaner. But tonight she’s feeling lazy and settles for this one.

As she’s putting things back on the shelves, she notices something pushed back against the far wall that wasn’t here before. It’s just a crate, long and sturdy but unremarkable. But what piques Liv’s curiosity is its presence here at all. No one uses this room except her, the janitor who fills in on nights she’s off, and sometimes maintenance. Maybe one of the researchers might come looking for something they need, but more often than not this room sits neglected.

Liv kneels beside the crate and feels around for a way to open it. She finds a latch and unclasps it easily, then manages to wiggle the lid up enough to get her fingers under. It isn’t even on that tight, and it only takes a couple pulls to lift it open.

What the fuck?!

She gasps and recoils, falling back and scrambling away from the crate, breathing quickly. Not much gets to her around here, but she was not expecting to open that thing and find a dead body.

Once the initial shock subsides she sits up and brushes her hands on her jeans. This doesn’t make sense. Subjects that die are given autopsies and then incinerated. If it’s here in the facility, why isn’t it in a lab room?

Shaken but determined, Liv scoots closer to the crate and peers in again. It’s hard to make out much in the dim light, but she can tell that the body is...fresh, for lack of a better word, and padded with some kind of loose packing material. She moves up along the box, having to tilt a little to keep her own shadow from blocking her view so she can see the face - 

For several long, silent moments, Liv just...stares. She blinks against the darkness, trying to process what she’s seeing.

“Emmeline?” she says aloud, barely recognizing her own voice. Hands shaking, she takes out her phone and turns on the flashlight.

The face illuminated by the light, gaunt and lifeless, is unmistakably Emmeline’s.

Liv quickly turns off the flashlight and puts her hand over her mouth to suppress a sound of...of…

Of what?

Relief that she found her, or fear that she’s dead dead, or disgust that they stuck her in a box in a storage room like nothing more than a piece of old equipment.

There are too many questions going through her mind and she pushes them all aside. She reaches a shaky hand down and cups Emmeline’s face. It’s cool to the touch, but Liv has seen her share of dead bodies before and something about this is...different. Like her body is lingering in some state between life and death, simply dormant. It’s just a half-assed theory, but it gives her hope.

Liv brushes her thumb over Emmeline’s lips, finding them chapped. There isn’t a mark on Emmeline’s body, and any drugs to put her under would have worn off by now. The most obvious and awful conclusion is that they simply let her die naturally of dehydration, alone in the dark.

A tear slips from Liv’s cheek onto Emmeline’s neck and trickles down out of sight. Liv sits back with a loud sniff and rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Fuck,” she whispers. “You deserve better than this…”

She slips her hoodie off and leans forward again, draping it like a blanket over Emmeline. Like this, it’s almost easy to believe that she’s just sleeping.

“It’s going to be okay,” she says numbly, “somehow.”

Then she puts the lid back on, stands, and leaves the room.

----

In the time between when she leaves after discovering Emmeline, and when she returns the next day, something shifts in Liv.

The sight of that drawn, still face haunts her dreams. And when she wakes all she can think about is the notion of Emmeline being stored like a piece of furniture only for them to take out and hurt again someday when they have funding or whatever the fuck.

When Emmeline was in one of the lab rooms the idea of trying to help her with guards and cameras around felt impossible. But the storage room...that she can work with.

She waits until the end of her shift before going to the storage room again. She doesn’t even have to act differently or come up with an excuse; she has plenty of legitimate reasons to be in there.

As soon as the door closes behind her she grabs her water bottle from her cart and goes right to the crate. She opens it cautiously, as though not wanting to startle its occupant. But Emmeline hasn’t moved an inch or changed in the slightest since last night.

“Hey,” she says quietly, just like she would when entering room 12C. It feels natural even if Emmeline doesn’t answer.

Liv leans over the crate and tips the water bottle to Emmeline’s lips. She lets just the smallest trickle of water slip in at first, then another, then another. Nothing happens right away, but Liv isn’t deterred. She has no idea how her immortality works, but Emmeline has been ‘dead’ for days now, surely it will take more than a couple sips of water for her body to heal.

She leans one arm on the edge of the crate and rests her chin on her arm. With the other hand she continues slowly pouring water down Emmeline’s parched throat, a little at a time. Pour. Stop. Wait. Look for signs of life. Pour again.

It feels a bit like watering a plant, and also not at all like that. Emmeline is not nearly so replaceable.

When the bottle is empty, she caps it and sits up with a sigh, stretching her stiff shoulders. She can’t help feeling disappointed. She was expecting something to happen. But it’s okay - if it takes time, so be it.

Just as Liv is reaching for the lid, she hears a soft sound. She freezes, arms out, listening intently. It wouldn’t surprise her if it was a rat or something, with the state of this room…

Several silent seconds tick by and she’s starting to believe she imagined it when the sound happens again. A little louder...and close…

Heart pounding, she looks down into the crate. At first glance nothing has changed, but the longer she looks...yes. Yes, she’s sure of it - her hoodie, still draped over Emmeline, is moving ever so slightly with barely-there breaths. When Liv presses her fingers to Emmeline’s wrist, she finds a weak pulse.

Oh my god. Oh my god, it worked.

The soft sound comes again and it is now clear that it’s the sound of a sighing breath. Triumphant as she feels at having done something right for a change, Liv knows things are far from good. Emmeline is in bad shape. This is going to take time.

Liv touches Emmeline’s arm for a moment, watching her face. Little changes apart from the puffs of breath that now escape her chapped lips, but it feels like a victory. Not to mention a big fuck you to the researchers.

“Hang in there,” she whispers. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

It kills her to have to put the lid back on and leave Emmeline in the dark like that. The best she can hope for is that she remains unconscious a little longer. Liv is impatient, she wants to make this all better right now. But for both of their sakes, patience is necessary.

Hang in there, she tells herself, as well.

----

Part of being patient means not going back to the storage room every night. She used to barely use it at all, and she fears too sudden a change in her behavior will draw unwanted attention. It’s one of the hardest things she has ever done, to walk past that room knowing Emmeline is inside and then keep walking.

Still, Liv manages to hold out for a few days before returning. She parks her cart just inside the storage room door; she doubts anyone will enter, but if they do, the obstacle might buy her some time to quickly close the crate.

Emmeline is no longer breathing. Liv expected as much, but it hurts all the same. This time, though. This time will be different.

Once again she feeds her sips of water and soon enough there are signs of life. This time, Liv is prepared with another bottle - this one filled with apple juice.

She cups Emmeline’s head and lifts it a little to give her a sip of the juice. Another, then another. Slow, patient, hopeful. Emmeline’s pulse grows stronger, her breathing more steady.

And then she moans, and it’s a weak, pitiful, broken sound, but Liv is so damn relieved to hear it, because it means she is that much closer to waking.

Liv continues giving her sips of juice, watching her throat bob as she actively swallows it. Suddenly she begins to cough and it startles Liv so much she nearly spills the juice all over her. She quickly pulls the bottle away and sets it aside, her eyes fixed on Emmeline.

Emmeline’s coughs fade into raspy breaths. She groans and shifts uncomfortably. Then finally, finally, her eyes slowly open.

She’s frail and shaky. Her glazed-over eyes flick around, uncomprehending. Her mouth opens as though to speak, but when she tries nothing comes out.

“Emmeline?” Liv says, very quietly.

At the sound of her name, Emmeline’s eyes land on Liv. The recognition on her face is immediate, and Liv can’t help but smile.

“Hey. It’s just me. Here...”

She holds the bottle to her lips again and Emmeline drinks eagerly.

“Careful, not too fast...that’s better...okay I’m going to take it away again, I don’t want you to overdo it…”

She sets the bottle aside again while Emmeline gasps for breath after practically chugging the whole thing down. Liv can’t blame her, and hates to deny her what she so desperately needs, but she also doesn’t want to make her sick.

“Just breathe. You’re okay.” Relatively. “I’ll give you more in a minute.” She reaches down and takes Emmeline’s hand.

“Where…” Emmeline’s voice cracks. She pauses, swallows, starts again. “Where am I?”

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

“...good.”

“The good news is you aren’t in the lab.” Liv gives her a moment to process that before regretfully adding, “the bad news is that you’re still in the building. In...a storage closet.”

Emmeline blinks slowly up at the ceiling, her brow pinched. “What?”

She shifts again and Liv realizes that she’s trying to sit up. Liv instinctively reaches to help, putting a hand on Emmeline’s back - only to withdraw when Emmeline gasps.

“S-sorry, I was just - “

“No,” Emmeline interrupts. “Please - put it back, it was warm…”

Liv remembers how cold Emmeline’s skin was when she found her like this, and this room is just as chilly as the lab. She slowly settles her hand on Emmeline’s back again and helps her ease herself up. It’s hard to resist the urge to touch more - a hand in her hair, an arm around her shoulders - but she doesn’t know whether it would be welcome.

But Emmeline is shivering and she has to do something.

“Here…” she takes the hoodie that has been acting as a blanket for Emmeline these past few days and slips it around her shoulders. “Arms.” Emmeline obediently slips her arms through the sleeves.

When Liv zips it up Emmeline curls her arms up to her chest and presses her face into the cuffs of the sleeves. “Thank you, this is - oh - “

Emmeline’s eyes flutter shut and she sways, nearly dropping back into the crate. Liv steadies her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Shit...hey, breathe, you’re okay…” Maybe sitting her up so quickly wasn’t the best idea.

Taking slow breaths, Emmeline opens her eyes again. She looks so tired in spite of being under for so long. But then, she’s been denied food, water, warmth, proper rest, safety, and the type of weariness living like that brings is bone-deep and not so easily solved.

Her eyes dart around the room - from the old metal shelves to the dim lightbulb to the concrete floor, and heartbroken understanding falls over her face.

“When they put me in this box,” she whispers, looking so empty, so resigned, “I thought they were moving me somewhere. Maybe another lab. I thought within a day or two the lid would come off. But it never did. It was so dark and cold and...and you weren’t there, and…” her lip quivers and she clutches at the cuffs of the hoodie. “I was scared…”

Liv swallows around the lump in her throat, feeling her eyes burn. Those fucking bastards. “I thought they took you away too, at first. Finding you was...kind of by accident. But now that I have...” she steels herself, knowing once she says this, there’s no going back. “...I’m getting you out of here.”

Emmeline looks to her, eyes wide and tentatively hopeful. “You are?”

Liv chews her bottom lip and nods. “I have a plan. I just need you to hang in there a little longer…”

“I can do that,” Emmeline replies, voice wavering. “Please just be careful…”

“I will.”

Emmeline looks half about to cry, half about to pass out. Liv gently nudges at her shoulders, easing her back down into the crate.

“Please don’t take the shirt,” Emmeline whispers as her eyes close.

“I won’t,” Liv promises. “It’s yours now.”

“Thank you…”

A tear slips down her cheek and Liv brushes it away with her thumb. She leaves her hand there a moment for Emmeline to lean into, seeking out every small bit of comfort she can get. Liv wants to give her more, so much more, but she can’t. Not here. Not yet.

“I’ll be back,” she promises as she reaches for the lid. “Just hang on a little longer,” she adds as she lowers it, cloaking Emmeline’s sleeping form in darkness once more.

[torque-witch]

🖤 Torque’s Witchy Wishlist 2020 🖤

Hello everyone! For informational purposes I am 28 and live in the US. If you would like to reach out to me for address info, please DM me privately here on Tumblr or on Instagram @dhdivination. These are where I will most likely see your message 🖤

1. Follow me on Instagram! 2021 will be the first year I am (hopefully) running my Etsy shop completely as my sole income! This is where I spend the most amount of time per social media and where you will see my art first. Every follow, like & share helps me support myself financially 🖤

IG: dhdivination

2. Follow/Buy from my Etsy shop! Every sale helps me keep up with bills, health insurance, medication, etc. I chose to quit my office job in April of 2020 as I am immunocompromised from Crohn’s disease medication as well as complications from comorbidities and should not work in the public during a pandemic (they refused to let me work remotely). My health is unpredictable, and this allows me more freedom to take care of it and buy things that help accommodate my illness like medicine, mobility aids, medical creams for skin conditions, pain relief, etc.

I currently offer crystals, Tarot readings, Tarot bags, rune sets, spirit boards, religious statuary, witchy wall decor, vintage home decor and crochet beanies.

Death’s Head Divination

3. Etsy Wishlist

Please support small businesses this year first wherever possible! Even if you don’t buy anything for me, some of these shops are people I know that could really use some help. Browse and see if there’s anything you like too 🖤

4. Buy this witchy planner for yourself (or me!) and share with your friends!

Plans & Intentions Day Planner

Lauren Kelly is a great friend of mine and created this awesome planner for anyone to use. Although it is sold through Amazon, you are still supporting an Indigenous creator and she did it this way so that it is accessible to everyone. You can also browse her other works and blog here

5. 💲💲💲

Frankly there are a lot of things I could use in order to run my business a lot smoother - a printer, ink, better paint brushes, restock of business cards, shipping supplies, stickers, ring light, light box, phone tripod, etc. I also pay a weekly fee to sell my items at auctions!

If you’re feeling generous or just want to buy me a coffee I would appreciate it!

6. Show me your art! Show me your friend’s art! Show me art you like! I’ll reblog it and try to get more eyes on them to help support artists and makers 🖤 If you want to send something via Ask or Submit, both are open.

7. Send me your podcast recommendations! I’m home alone for most of the day, so these really help me stay productive and feel like someone else is there.

8. Follow Bitxhin’ About on Spotify (or wherever you listen to Podcasts)

Another creation by Lauren Kelly and Megan Giselle that is super informative, inspiring & full of hot takes on topics that need discussed that definitely affect the witchcraft community and humanity at large.

9. Please be kind to essential workers right now. Most places are still understaffed, people are working long hours and they have to deal with crappy people all day long as well as being put at risk for illness. Tip where you can and be patient or say a kind word, leave a good review at places you visit often 🖤

10. If you need/want witchcraft books, buy from Portland Button Works first before Amazon if you can afford to!

Shop run by @upthewitchypunx

11. Send me your ghost & paranormal stories! I always love hearing them and will share them where possible 🖤

12. Drink some water & take your meds!

13. And finally if you’re feeling frisky - send me a letter! Mail is always nice when it isn’t bills, and I’ll be sure to send you one back 🖤

❄️ Happy Holidays and Merry Wishmas ❄️

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 15 November 1834

9 25

12 5

No kiss fine morning F43 ½° at 10 ½ at which hour breakfast - Had Mr Hoyland about 10 ¾ and fixed about the blue room painting to be begin on Monday – Holt came about 11 ½ and staid 40 minutes took his uncle James? Holdsworth (who buys of or sells goods to Mr Priestley) with him and went over to Thorpe (I suppose from seeing also Mr John P-) last Monday – Mr Walker P- very free – they had 2 bottles of porter together – did know his coals were with anything – would inquire about them and let H- know in 3 weeks - but promised he would not see them to anybody till he had done with him, H- - i.e. gave him the 1st refusal - what would the coal be with? H- thought £50 per acre would be a good price but he would give as much as anybody - it must be remembered he had the privilege to buy of Mr. Waddington (privilege of loose) and should have no pit to sink in the land - had bought the field adjoining at £40 per acre belonging to W...... (Widding or I did not catch the name) - JP- asked if his coals were not worth anything - H- answered ‘they are not ripe yet’ but said it was difficult to say - nobody knew when they could be got - they might be worth £10 per acre - JP- said that was like giving them - Inquired about James Thwaite who has just taken Taylor’s lease of A-‘s tan-yard - a drunken young man who had £600 left and set to and spent it all, but will have something at the death of his father - but the Thwaites low now - none of them have anything (the young ones) but the one in Rawson’s bank - no trusting to SW-‘s recommendation - be this a lesson forever - we shall see how it hands - said I had sent the letter about Spiggs colliery - said, if we did not agree, I should stop up the loose - H- said the Clarkes in their deed of sale of their share they had reserved a power of loose of Northowram coal - and I had better without mentioning names tell the parties I had heard this - said I should tell them so, and also that, in agreeing with them, I should have a regular agreement selling the loose for so much per specified acre and reserving a power to send down and examine their works whenever I chose - H- thinks he knows of a man who can draw me a plan of the coal strata - urge him to get it done - time to advertise mytham farm did not know Pearson had given it up - told H- the whole story - he thinks the plan of letting by ticket good - Wednesday the best day - no market - should have a fortnight’s notice and might well put among the conditions that the answer should be given (which ticket should have the farm - not bound to take the highest bidder) on the Saturday following - said I would have bills out next week (Mr. Parker my law agent and steward for personalties) and letting on Wednesday the 7th next month and answer given the Saturday following might perhaps consult him (H-) but should say nothing about it - he would not pay for the skin pits - if a skinner takes the place let him pay for them - if not, let P- take them away - fiat - Stocks sadly annoyed about my buying Staups - perhaps may get his coal loosed thro’ Wilson who has sold almost all he has and Lewis (Alexander) has got hold of him -said I could afford to give Wilson as much as Stocks could and H- to say nothing but be on the watch and let me know all that passed - I did not want to throw money away but would get hold of Wilson’s works and upper brea, too, if I could and then said H- you till shut up Stocks like R- if S. Hall’s coal is come at - I said Stocks would be much more likely to succeed with me if he came and told me openly what he wanted - gave H-

SH:7/ML/E/17/0109

£7.15.0 to give to SW to pay the pit-sinkers desiring that their notes might be brought to me on the Friday evening and I would give SW the money the following Saturday morning -wrote the whole of the past page after having been a few minutes with my father and Marian and stood sometime with my aunt looking over the Yorkshire Gazette relative to the projected railroads when called down to Mr Musgrave at 1 ¾ - my aunt was with him in the drawing room and he staid about ¼ hour after I went down – very civil – then with A- at her luncheon – backwards and forwards – out with A- at near 4 for an hour in the walk – she rather poorlyish today. Said  I had promised Holt not to mention what he had said of Thwaite but I wished I had known before  However if he did not do well the lease would be voidable and we could manage well enough by and by  I think this made her poorly never tell her more than necessary of what is not brightest about her own concerns. Talking to John – he had given a wrong message to Mr Wilkinson about the road walled up along the top of the Wellroyde upper wood – then had Pickles – he is to move the soil from Greenwood’s (Park farm) field to the slope just under the approach gates at 9d per yard to begin on Tuesday - Mr Pollard of Greenhill and 2 or 3 gentlemen from Bradford hunting in A-‘s joint property yesterday (Hunger hill near Bouldshaw in Northowram, near Shelf, Moses Jackson the farmer) yesterday  in spite of the noticed served on the gentlemen or men of the hunt to the contrary and telling the person ordering them off the ground they would hunt there in spite of him - George on calling at Wellhead this afternoon brought back note from Mr. Waterhouse apologizes (had really not had time) for not giving me fuller information - meant to have seen me before the meeting to bed held on the 3rd of next - he writes ‘your note which conveys to me in a sufficiently strong light your disappointment at my not entering upon a detail of the resolutions of the committee’ - the committee unanimous on Wednesday as to what should be done - the 1st part of the following material part of the note is hardly English but no matter - ‘Two parts out of three (which the act empowers) even thought desirable with a seven foot depth of canal, and 50 feet surface in breadth so far as the new works extend, single locks not double were decided upon of the dimensions of 70 ft. long by 16 wide. Such are the principal points agreed upon, the accomplishment of which will involve an expenditure of near £40,000’ out of the question to make any charge for the acts of parliament - vindicates the committee from any wish to involve their proceedings in secrecy ‘from any interested enquirer’ ‘never did there exist a period when the Lucubrations of that committee were of equal publicity as at this period’ - I see in the Yorkshire Gazette of today (dated Saturday 15 November) notices advertised of intending to apply to parliament next session for a Railway from Sheffield to Rotherham Thomas Badgen, Rotherham, and Henry Vickers, Sheffield, solicitors             a Railway from Hull to Selby. Charles H. Phillips, solicitors one line by Hessle and another by Cottingham (to take one or the other line as hereafter may be) -     a Railway or train-road ‘Great northern and eastern (railway)’ from London to the town of Cambridge - and from Great Yarmouth to Norwich - and to York and Selby - dated ‘Grand Northern Railway office, n° 56 Lombard street 11 November 1834’ the application also to be made for act to be amended for the Scarbro’ harbour to be made a large and capital port - and asked leave to bring in a bill for making a port or asylum harbour to be called ‘Port William’ at Redcar. - p. 2, col. 5 of this same Yorkshire gazette gives a sort of prospectus of the Northern Railroad from London to York, thro’ Cambridge, with branches to Norwich, Leeds, Sheffield etc for the conveyance of light goods and passengers, bullion and the public mail -  the question fairly argued 2 years ago before the parliamentary committee on the Preamble of the Birmingham Railway Bill - the country from York to Cambridge an extensive plain - .:. expense of construction 1/3 less than thro’ an undulating country - less wear and tear of carriages and greater speed - at Doncaster and Selby the road will connect itself with the West Riding of Yorkshire - at York a centre will be formed for the East and North ridings and ultimately for Edinburgh and Glasgow - From London to York expensive arranged at £12,000 per mile =  about £2,500,000 exclusive of the branches - according to experience of Liverpool and M- railroad travelling expected to increase 3 fold - gentlemen carriages with their retinues, public coaches and other conveyances, race horses to and from New Market - cattle, sheep, and lighter sort of merchandise at the rate of 15 or 20 miles per hour - deducting expense a dividend of 10 pc. expected   division in London about the plans of 2 rival engineers as touching the route from London to Cambridge and Norwich but this does not affect the northern portions nor affect the general merits of undertaking .:. the York committee (met 20 October last the Lord Mayor in the chair) will not delay initiatory proceedings leaving the points at issue to be settle when the matter is more matured - Shares in the Northern railroad forthwith commenced at £50 each and 5/. paid at the time of subscribing towards the current expense - applications to be made for shares and more detailed information to Mr. Davies Town-clerk, and to Messrs. Blauchard and Richardson, solicitors York. Deposits received on account of shares at any of the York banks - I see in H-x Guardian of today p. 1 col.1 ‘a special assembly of the proprietors of the C. and H. navigation ‘advertised for Wednesday 3 December at 11 am at the navigation office ‘for the purpose of deciding upon the execution of such of the New works authorised to be made, by virtue of an act passed in the last session of Parliament as may be deemed expedient specifications, and a Report there upon, are left at the office of the said company, in Hx, for the information and inspection of the said proprietors’ dated H-x 12 November 1834’ - dinner at 6 ½ - a few minutes with my father and Marian – coffee downstairs – looking over the plan (Smeatons’ in 1757) of the river and cal till 10 – Charles and James H- and Mrs Lee and her assistant staid till near 10 to finish the north chamber ready (druggeted and all done) for Marian to sleep there tonight -  A- and I busy moving her drawers and putting the last hand to tidying till about 11 -  Sat musing there a while on the extreme neatness, comfort and prettiness of the room - very fine day

[fuck-customers]

I actually have a few Fuck Customers, and 1 Fuck Coworker stories.

The Fuck Coworker story:

The psychotic, hypocritical, Preacher's Wife I work with has been saying very racist things against the Asian community since the pandemic started. I finally snapped and said "The Coronavirus is no excuse to be racist." and "The Chinese have suffered enough." to her. She replied with "NO THEY HAVE NOT!". This woman is supposed to be a Christian! The Bible teaches "Love thy neighbor!" not "Be a racist bitch!". I reported her to the store director... But I'm not sure if he talked to her...

Now to the Fuck Customer stories:

1. At the beginning of all this insanity, I was taking an older gentleman's groceries out to his car. I commented "Woah! This is crazy!" and he WENT OFF ON ME. Literally saying "You stupid, punk, kids! You should be grateful that you've got a job!" and bitching for nearly 10 minutes about how I'm complaining about working. He even called my boss and told him that I was complaining about having to work. I had to explain to my boss what I actually said. I wanted to tell the customer "Which job, asshole? The one where I come to work and bust my ass during a pandemic that puts my health, and the health of my grandmother at risk? Or the one where I go home to and take care of my, aging, grandmother who has health issues ON TOP of the fact that BOTH of our immune systems are slightly compromised due to the depression caused by my mother's recent death?"

2. A few weeks ago, we changed hour hours to open at 8 a.m. I had just clocked in at 7. I'm standing there with the Preacher's Wife working on my morning check list when the Bread Guy goes to the door to go to his truck. He talks to someone outside and a minute later, an old woman comes in to the store. We ask her "Can we help you?". She asks "Can I just do my shopping for an hour?". We tell her no, that we're not open yet, and she goes back outside to wait. I wanted to look at her and go "Are you fucking kidding me? Do you not see the sign on the door that says we open at 8? That means WE OPEN AT 8! That precious hour I have before you bastards flood the store is meant for sanitation! Now, respect hour hours of operation and STAY THE FUCK OUTSIDE!".

3. A woman called the store before we opened to talk about the Curbside Service. No big deal, right? The office manager is the one on the phone with her. The woman explains that she doesn't have internet or a smart phone, so she wants us to take her list, rewards card and bank card, and do her shopping for her. The office manager asks the store director if we'd even be able to do that. He has her tell the woman that we don't have any spare employees that could do that. The woman flips out and yells at the office manager "IF I GET THE CORONAVIRUS, I'M SUING YOU!" before hanging up. The store director, Preacher's Wife, store trainer, and I are all standing there as this happens... We all got a good chuckle from that. Like, seriously? How the fuck do you think that will go down in court? I'll tell you, it won't. We're not responsible for your stupidity.

4. This last Sunday (on 04/19), we had a truck come in that actually had toilet paper. Not really a big deal, we knew it would sell fast... But, we also have a limit on paper products. That means, if you want toilet paper or paper towels (or whatever), you had better choose the 1 you want most, because that's all you're allowed to get. We have signs EVERYWHERE on that aisle. An old woman came in and had toilet paper, paper towels, napkins and tissues in her cart. Our Social Monitor was making her rounds, saw the woman and told her about the limit. This woman, literally, THREW A TANTRUM. She began throwing stuff onto the shelves, cussing out the Social Monitor, and yelling "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WIPE MY ASS?!". Without missing a beat, the Social Monitor tells her to pick the toilet paper. A couple of minutes later, she comes up to the register, still throwing a shit fit. She cusses out the cashier and throws her groceries back into her cart before I even have a chance to bag them. The transaction ends and I politely ask her "Would you like some help out with that?", to which she yells "NO!" and storms out of the store with her cart.

5. Just today (04/21), I had 2 old ladies make me want to vomit. Every day, the courtesy clerks are supposed to deep clean the restrooms at 7 am, 10:30 am, 1:30 am, and 5:30 pm. Because I'm a girl, it often takes me FOREVER to get the men's room done (because there's ALWAYS someone in there!)... But today, the ladies won the trophy for being gross. At the 7 am cleaning, an old woman came into the room before I could finish. She does her business, then goes straight for the door. I notice she's wearing gloves, but I still got grossed out. The least she could have done is wash her gloves before touching the handle that I had just cleaned. A few minutes later, I'm called to the front to sack a bit. I tell the cashier (the Preacher's Wife) about the woman and that she might want to wear gloves when dealing with her groceries because I can guarantee that she did not change her gloves after using the restroom. I straight up refuse to sack for the woman and walk off the front so I can go mop the restrooms. A few hours later, at the 1:30 cleaning, I'm working hard on the women's room again. Another old woman comes in, does her business, then goes straight for the door. This woman was NOT wearing gloves. This time, I was so grossed out, I literally yelled "REALLY? We're in the middle of a pandemic and you people still REFUSE to wash your hands?" as the door closed behind her. Of course, after both women did that, I sanitized the door at least 3 times each. You people are told day in, day out, to wash your fucking hands. There are signs on the mirrors that say something along the lines of "WASH YOUR HANDS like you've been handling jalapenos and you need to change your contact lenses!" with a picture of jalapenos on them! I understand teaching kids to do it. They're kids! They need to learn! WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO REMIND ADULTS TO WASH THEIR HANDS!

And trust me, those are just the stories that stick out the most. I've got tons of others involving people trying to make this thing a religious and political thing... Including 1 old woman who told me "I'm ready to go to heaven!" with a straight face...

[bluebellravenbooks]

The Book Addiction Tag

Thank you for the tag @franticvampirereads , and sorry for taking forever :) This December has been pretty overwhelming, but now that it's holiday time I'm happy to be back on booklr!

1. What is the longest amount of time you can comfortably go without picking up a book?

This really depends on what else is going on in my life! If I'm into a good book and have enough time to spare, I'll be reading every day. However if I'm swamped with things, or travelling, or binging a show, it could easily be a couple of weeks...

2. How many books do you carry on your person (physical or device) at any one time?

It's one physical book normally, or two or three if I'm travelling and might need a change of pace during a long flight. (Aahhh, remember when flying was a thing?..)

3. Do you keep every book you buy/receive or are you happy to pass them on to make space for more?

I keep most of them. I used to keep absolutely everything, but now I'm trying to get rid of the ones that I don't really want to keep - I'll likely move long-distance quite a few times before I settle down, so book luggage is something I have to consider...

4. How long would you spend in a bookshop on a standard visit?

Usually about half an hour browsing, and then some more time in the cafe - all the central bookshops in Oxford are also some of my favourite spots for coffee :)

5. How much time per day do you actually spend reading?

It could be anything from "zero" to "until sunrise"...

6. Where does the task “picking up a book” appear on your daily to-do list?

Definitely evening/night, after I'm done with the day's tasks - and I'm a night owl anyway, so I like spending late evenings doing the things I enjoy, reading included.

7. How many books do you reckon you own in total (include ebooks)?

I honestly have no clue, probably around 400-500?

8. Approximately how often do you bring up books in conversation?

Quite often, if I know that the person I'm talking to would be interested!

9. What is the biggest book (page count) you have finished reading?

Probably War and Peace by Lev Tolstoy? Even if it's not the biggest, it's definitely up there.

10. Is there a book you had to get your hands on against all odds (searched bookstore, online digging, stalked author, etc.)?

Ah yes, that happened a few times - mostly because I lived in Russia for most of my life, so a lot of foreign lit, especially in original, was simply difficult to find. (Deliveries are horrible there, and most foreign companies don't even try; even ebooks were difficult, because websites that sell them don't work in every country.) For example, when I watched Paterson, I really wanted to read the poetry book that it was sort-of loosely inspired by, and the only way I could do it was ordering it to my friend's address in Europe and then picking it up the next time I visited...

11. Is there a book you struggled to finish because you refused to DNF?

This definitely happened, although I can't remember an example from the top of my head... I do tend to DNF if the book really bothers me.

12. What are 3 (or some) of your main book goals for 2020 or 2021 (if you’ve started planning)?

Just get back to reading, really! End of 2020 was not a reading time for me.

13. Have you ever had the privilege of converting someone into a reader (by inspiration or your incessant nagging)?

Not really! I did get my friends to read a few books that they really enjoyed, which was pretty great too.

14. Describe what books mean to you in FIVE words.

Storytelling magic, adventures, feelings, empathy

[acrispyapple]

Harr Silvers’s Route Outline

in anna’s lazy way of making random notes per chapter. will prolly need more editing but i’ll do it another day~ ☆

both ends included now + special appearance of edgar in an alice wig!

Chapter 1 Alice is staying with the black army. Sirius and Seth take her to the market. While looking at a wanted poster of Harr, she loses sight of them. Alice is lost, and drunken men approach her. Harr and Loki come to rescue her.

Chapter 2 While taking Alice back to Sirius and Seth, Harr advises Alice to stay hidden somewhere no one knows about until the next full moon. Sirius finds them and they head back to the black army base. That night there’s an explosion. Ray tells Alice to stay in her room. She finds out that she’s the target of the attack. Loki shows up via the window in her room. She leaves a message for the black army as Loki takes her to the Forbidden Forest (Harr’s house).

Chapter 3 Harr prepares Alice‘s room. It was a room used for storage originally. He cleans it up with magic. The next morning, Alice is about to change her nightgown, Harr opens the room while carrying a lot of books. (He forgot Alice is now using his old storage room) He shuts the door and says sorry . Harr leaves the house. Alice looks for Harr. He’s fishing at the lake. Loki’s out selling the magic crystals Harr created.

Chapter 4 Harr finishes fishing and goes back home with Alice. He cooks. Loki also arrives. They all have a nice lunch together. Alice wonders who tried to attack her. Harr says it’s from magic tower, probably. He explains stuff about the magic tower.

That night Harr goes out. By the next morning, he has not returned. Alice and Loki have breakfast.

Harr comes home that evening. Alice says ‘welcome home‘ and gazes at him intently. (Loki‘s plan to check whether Harr gets embarrassed or not) He gets embarrassed and blushes. Alice feels it’s cute.

Chapter 5 At the magic tower, they notice that Alice is not with the black army anymore. They start searching for Alice. Dalim seems to know who’s hiding Alice, because their ‘finding magic’ was blocked by a strong special magic. This magic is rare, and he knows only Harr can use it.

While Alice is cooking soup, she finds a small bottle with a label that says ‘drink me’ among the seasoning bottles. She tries it. (alice why are you like this) It’s delicious, so she decides to use it in the soup to add a subtle flavor. After she drinks tho, her body shrinks~ (alice i thought you read the alice in wonderland book) She wants to go to Harr‘s room to ask for help, but it’s like a mile away with her tiny body. Harr’s owl (named Sue) is flying around, so Alice yells for Sue to take her to Harr’s room. Sue takes small Alice to Harr‘s room. Harr breaks the magic, and Alice returns to her normal size-- but she’s naked... Harr is embarrassed. While Alice is putting her clothes on in a hurry, Loki comes home. Loki misunderstands the situation, but they explain.

Chapter 6 Alice wants to do something for Harr as a present. She’s going to make a cake. (Loki ‘s advice) She plans on going out alone to get fruits. Loki worries about her and warns her not to go too far. She promised she wouldn’t. She heads to a fruit tree. She kind of hears something in the distance. After she’s gathered enough fruits, a gust of wind blows and hooded magic tower guys appear. Dalim says that it’s good Alice went beyond the barrier border. Harr apparently cast a protection magic around the house, but Alice went past it. Dalim tries to take her to the magic tower. Alice blocks his magic. She’s captured anyway. Suddenly something flashes and she gets freed. Harr and Loki arrive to rescue her. Loki takes Alice back home using magic. Harr stays in the forest to fight against the magic tower guys.

Chapter 7 Harr casts a spell and makes a line. He says no one can go beyond the line. Dalim is doubtful and still says they’ll try. Dalim and the other scholars gather magic crystals. It causes a blast and but nothing happens. The spell is too powerful. Harr says quietly, Mr Dalim, I don’t want to make injure anyone. Dalim says, So give me Alice before someone gets injured. Harr refuses. His eyes turn red again and black water appears from the line. It’s like thunder, it’s clear that if anyone touches the water, they’ll get hurt terribly. Dalim gives up and leaves.

Harr comes home and Alice is relieved. She apologizes but Harr says it’s okay. The problem is they know where Alice is now. He fixes the barriers around the house. He gives Loki a key to use for when he needs to leave and go to town. The spell is only dispellable by the person whose magic is just as powerful as Harr’s. (lancelot, anyone?) Alice asks who would have such a power. There’s only one apparently. Harr looks exhausted, he says he’s going to take a rest without dinner. Alice worries again but Loki says it’s because he used magic, so it’s no biggie. Loki explains the magic and consumption relationship. Alice is shocked because they’ve used magic for her several times.

Around midnight she still can’t sleep, so she goes to the kitchen to get some water. She finds Harr sitting there.

Chapter 8 Harr’s not wearing his mask. There’s a scar around his eye. She says hello, and he puts the mask back on. He’s making a fishing rod for Alice. He says she doesn’t need to stay inside the house all the time. She can go fishing. The lake area is safe. He makes hot chocolate and says he’s going to continue work. He’s creating magic crystals. After she drinks it, he gives her a piece of candy. Loki also wakes up. He can’t sleep either, so he suggested that he and Alice sleep together. Harr isn’t on board but Loki gets him to join them. Loki says they’re like a family.

~magical bed that suddenly becomes big enough for 3 people, when it used to look like a single bed~

Chapter 9 Loki whispers to Harr, I want Alice to have a great time until she has to go back to London because Alice is a good girl.

At the magic tower, Amon is furious after learning about Alice’s current location. Amon gives an order to Dalim, “Call him, he can take care of Harr.”

The next morning, Harr’s already gone when Alice wakes up. After breakfast, Alice and Loki go fishing. Alice doesn’t catch anything~

Around the evening, Harr still isn’t back. They get a letter from Sue saying Harr will be home late.

Chapter 10 Loki suggests Alice goes shopping with him in Central. Alice hesitates but Loki says he has something that’ll help. The next day, Alice wears a hat that makes her invisible. Alice sees Sirius and engages. Sirius can’t see Alice but he can hear her. He says Harr will protect her until the next full moon for sure. Sirius explains that they’re old friends. After shopping, Loki takes Alice to Blanc’s house. Oliver apparently made the hat. Blanc gives her an invitation card for a masquerade. The party is attended by both the black and red armies. Alice tries to refuse, but Blanc says the magic tower people can’t go to the party so she should be okay.

They get back to the house and Harr is waiting outside all angry. They explain stuff to him and mention the masquerade. Loki says Harr has to take Alice since he has another appointment and can’t go himself. Loki wants Alice to make great memories in Cradle. Harr accepts reluctantly. Blanc sends a dress and some accessories. Alice and Harr head to the party.

Chapter 11 At the party, Alice and Harr dance, then go to the balcony after. Alice asks Harr to show her his face without his mask. Harr asks if she’s drunk. She says maybe, and goes to get a glass of water. Loki appears on the balcony and tells Harr off. Harr is surprised that Loki made him and Alice go to the party together intentionally.

Chapter 12 All three of them are back home. Harr visits Loki’s room and says it might be difficult for them to live safely since the magic tower won’t leave them alone. So he needs to do something. He asks Loki to protect Alice no matter what. Loki readily agrees, then asks what Harr is going to do. Harr doesn’t answer.

The next day, Alice is baking. While she’s putting the cake in the oven, someone knocks on the door. Loki nor Harr don’t usually come home at that hour, so Alice feels wary. Alice remembers Harr saying only one person can break the barrier. Alice looks out the window and sees Lancelot standing there.

Chapter 13 Alice doesn’t open the door and stands still. Lancelot says he knows she’s there, and if she doesn’t open the door, he will open it by force. Alice lets Lancelot in. Alice says the owner of the house is out, so Lancelot should come by another time. Lancelot says he came by to take Alice. Lancelot’s eyes turn red but Alice blocks the magic. Harr arrives and asks why Lancelot is there. Harr says he won’t hand over Alice. Lancelot says he’ll just have to take Alice away himself. Lancelot and Harr’s eyes turn red. Sirius suddenly arrives. Harr is surprised to see him because no one else can go through his barrier but Lancelot. Sirius says the two of them should talk and listen-- not fight. He also said this same line 7 years ago. The tense situation is sort of diffused when they hear a timer go off. Alice says the cake is ready and invites them to a tea break.

Chapter 14 Alice serves them cake and tea at the table. Only Sirius talks about their school life, Lancelot and Harr are both quiet. Sirius asks what happened to the two of them 7 years ago. Harr says Lancelot betrayed him. Lancelot says he hasn’t changed a bit from 7 years ago. He declares a war in 7 days, and that he would get Alice by then. He tells them his condition for him to give up on Alice. Harr says he won’t let Alice go, while Sirius says he’ll protect her with the black army.

Chapter 15 Harr eats the cake Alice made. Alice asks him again to show his face without a mask. Harr obliges. He says he can’t see from his left eye. He starts telling her about his past. He was at the magic tower for a while, and he discovered their dark secrets. He injured his left eye while trying to leave the tower.

Chapter 16 Dalim is informed that Lancelot wasn’t able to get Alice because Sirius turned up. Someone told Sirius about the whole thing. It was actually Dalim, he didn’t want Lancelot and Harr to fight there.

Back in the forbidden forest, Loki is briefed about what happened during the day. Alice asks Loki why he lives with Harr. Loki talks about his past, and how when he tried to escape the magic tower, Harr protected him. (Harr also helped his owl Sue with something else) Harr regrets not being able to save a person who was running away from the magic tower (Zero), so he promised he would protect Loki.

Chapter 17 Loki says Harr is doing something with his magic secretly, that’s why he’s so tired. They want to help Harr but they know they’ll get turned down, so Loki makes a plan to get involved another way. Alice asks Harr on a date. This is Loki’s plan.

Chapter 18 They go out on a ‘date’. Just walking around the lake. Alice insists Harr stop using magic. She worries about it consuming his life. He gives her a necklace and says it’s a charm. Alice realizes she loves Harr.

Chapter 19 Lance is at magic tower. Amon gives him lots of magic crystals. He orders Lance to kill Harr.

The next morning, Sue brings the newspaper. It says the red army will go to war in 5 days. Harr says he’s going fishing. Alice feels weird, because he always goes fishing in the evening.

That night, Harr returns and prepares a gorgeous dinner. Alice and Loki feel something is off with Harr.

Around midnight, Alice hears something. It’s Loki trying to stop Harr from going to the magic tower to fight alone. Harr casts a spell on Loki and Alice, and they both fall asleep.

Chapter 20 Loki sees the necklace Harr gave Alice and says it’s a trump card. Harr was researching rechargeable magic crystals at the tower. The necklace Alice has is the eternal magic crystal. They can cope with tons of magic attacks using the tiny necklace. They head to the magic tower to support Harr. Near the tower, they see Zero.

Chapter 21 Zero says he followed Lancelot. They hear a siren buzzing from the tower. The alarms is for when someone enters or escapes the tower. They try to get into the tower only to be met by Dalim. He welcomes Loki and Zero back. He says Lancelot and Harr are in the hall above. Zero is confused when Dalim says Loki, Zero, and Alice are the three people Harr tried to protect from the tower. Dalim just says Zero’s memory has vanished. Dalim lets them go past him. He assures them he’s their enemy, but their goal is the same. At the hall, Amon orders Lance to kill Harr.

Chapter 22 Alice, Loki, and Zero see Harr and Lance battling with magic. It looks like a fierce battle, with their clothes torn and all, but they were not injured. Harr suddenly stops fighting and realizes something. Lance’s eyes turn back to normal. Amon urges Lance to use the magic crystals. They notice the arrival of Alice and the others. Amon orders Lance to kill all of them but Alice. Lance attacks Amon instead. Amon calls for backup to attack Lance with their new crystals that are made from human experiments. Lance uses too much magic to block it and is left a bit weak. Harr protects Lance. Dalim realizes Harr is using his eternal magic crystals, and that he continued his research all this time.

Chapter 23 Amon orders to use all of their magic crystals, but there’s none left. It was mostly given to the red army for the war. Harr steps towards Amon, but he teleports away. Harr thinks he went to the ruins where he stores magic crystals. Harr asks Loki and Lance to make a protective barrier around the ruins to prevent damage if the magic crystals inside explode. Harr goes after Amon alone. Lance faces Dalim and the magic tower goons.

Chapter 24 Dalim says if the ruins explode, the magic tower would be affected the most. He orders the tower scholars to protect the tower with magic using whatever they have. Lance goes back to the red army and makes a protective barrier around the territory. Zero informs the citizens to escape. Loki alerts the black army. Alice tells Dalim she can help protect the tower. A big blast comes from the forest, and a strong shock wave hits the barrier. Alice tries her best to block it but she’s at her limit. Her necklace flashes and a strong light covers them.

Due to the blast, the ruins have disappeared. The shock wave destroyed the protective wall of the tower, but the power of the necklace stopped the attack. Alice faints. When Alice wakes up, Loki briefs her about the outcome. There were some damaged areas, but the citizens are safe. The red army has stopped the war. Amon and Harr are missing.

Chapter 25 Loki and Sue are with Alice. Loki says he promised Harr he’d protect her until her return to London. They miss Harr, but still believe he’ll return. 3 more days until the full moon. Dalim visits Alice with big news about the tower she helped protect. Amon is gone, so they have a new leader. From then on, the normal distribution of magic crystals will start. He thanks Alice and promises not to go after her anymore. Alice asks who the new leader is. Dalim just says he’s a supporter of that person. He wishes her a safe return to London. Alice says she’ll wait for Harr‘s return.

Later she hears someone coming, she thinks it’s Loki coming back home. It’s actually Harr. He says he’s home and smiles, then they embrace. Loki comes back and is surprised to see Harr. Harr explains what happened in the battle with Amon. He detonated the magic crystals then teleported to another country. He used too much magic so he was incapacitated for a while. Loki goes out to tell everyone the news. Alice confesses to Harr. He thanks her and says he wasn’t planning on coming home originally because he might not let her go if he did. He thinks it’s better for her to be in London. But he heard she was waiting for him, so he decided to return. He says he loves her and kisses her. 1 day before the full moon.

Chapter 26 Harr says he became the new leader of the magic tower. Dalim forced the delegation on him.

At the garden, Blanc, the red army, and black army are gathered. Harr, Lancelot, and Sirius are united. Zero thanks Harr.

Harr is selected as a new leader of the magic tower officially. Harr goes to the spot where Alice fell down from London. Alice follows him, they reminisce, etc and they kiss.

On the day of the full moon, Harr takes Alice to the garden again. Alice is about to step into the light leading to London but Harr calls out to her. He says he doesn’t want to lose her and that she should stay with him. Alice throws her bags down and runs to Harr to embrace him.

愛され Romantic End

Harr embraces her tightly and kisses her. He slips some tongue in, and Alice bites it. (≖‿≖) Harr is surprised, Alice says it was sudden. They went home hand in hand. [insert sexy timez] (i don’t feel comfy describing scenes like this, i can only make jokes about it)

Normal days returned. Loki says they’re like a normal family. Loki goes out to sell magic crystals while Harr goes to work at the tower. Alice makes dinner. Loki says he’s not coming home that night and that they can enjoy alone time.

[more sexy timez] (//▽//)

END.

愛する Dramatic End

Harr insists that Alice return to London just this once. He says he wants to live together forever in Cradle so he wants her to go and settle her affairs in London -- work, friends, family etc. Alice goes back~

Several days until the next full moon...

At the magic tower, Harr is spacing out. Darim says he's also looking forward to Alice's return because he likes her. Harr frowns and Darim says he's just joking.

...

At Harr’s house, Lancelot and Sirius are hanging out. They've started having frequent tea parties. Sirius and Lancelot are also awaiting Alice's return. Harr gets jealous.

...

On the day of the full moon, Harr catches Alice as she falls from the sky. They decide to go to the lake first before going back to house. He proposes to her. Alice promises eternal love. They kiss.

...

Back at the house in Alice's room, she notices it's as clean and tidy as she left it a month ago. They get to the bed, where they embrace and start the sexy timez~ (¯▿¯)

END. (edgar in an ‘alice wig’ makes another appearance!)

Extra:

I really like how Harr’s other hand is bandaged. ¯\(°_o)/¯

[graphicabyss]

?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

[inkribbon796]

Egotober Day 28: Phantoms of the Old World

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Prompt: Fear

Summary: In an undisclosed location there is a vault where a powerful group keeps “troublesome” relics. Nate and Mare have to go in, and play a little game of pretend. If they play their cards right, Nate gets to walk back out with Mare. If they don’t, they’re both in quite a bit of trouble. But there is more to fear than hooded figures and hard-to-find places. Things that time is trying to bury and forget . . . the phantoms of the old world.

A/N: Birthday post for Mare.

Warnings: none

They had been in the car for a long time, and normally Nate wouldn’t have minded. If this was an ordinary car trip he was forced to sit passenger on, he would have been on his phone, or writing another song or cover.

But this was no ordinary car trip. He was out in the middle of what he thought was the desert, interrupted from his tour, but promised he’d meet up with them at the next stop, with a black bag over his head to block out the possibility of him seeing where he was going. The only positive was that he was allowed music to keep him and Mare from going insane.

And that was part of the problem, Mare was with him. Normally he would have let Mare slip away, pretend they didn’t know each other and Nate would sit and be fine.

However Nate and Mare had to play of game of pretend. They had to pretend that Nate was completely in control of Mare. That Mare couldn’t and didn’t get away from him. Pretend that there wasn’t a slowly but surely founded bond of trust between the two of them.

Around Nate’s neck was a necklace with a fake metal key dangling around it. In the head was a large amethyst that seemed to faintly glow. Mare was inside the necklace, hiding and trying not to look like he could get out if he casually stretched.

They had to sell this perfectly. So far Mare had already passed a couple tests before Nate had gotten into the car, and things seemed to be going alright.

But now it was dark and the car’s heater was almost silently going in the background. All Nate could do was hope and pray that Mare didn’t go completely crazy in boredom. He didn’t want Mare taken away, Nate liked Mare. The demon wasn’t half as bad as Anti and nowhere near as devious as Dark.

But to this group a demon was a demon, and they would believe Nate had been taken over. So they couldn’t afford to mess this up.

Mercifully the car stopped and the bag came off.

Nate blinked in disorientation, taking his ear buds out. “We here?”

“Yeah,” the driver got out as the guy next to Nate opened the car door.

“This gonna take long? I’ve got a tour to get back to,” Nate got out, putting his phone in his pocket and taking out his head phones.

“Shouldn’t take more than a half-an-hour,” the driver promised.

There was what looked like a decommissioned aircraft hangar surrounded by a gated fence, runes and protection seals all over the place. It wasn’t meant to keep humans out, that’s what the desert was for, it was to keep out other dangerous creatures.

Nate was greeted by five people in robes, “Ahh, Young Nathan, we hoped you’d join us properly. Make sure you leave that thing in the vault and get changed. We have a lot to talk about.”

“I still have a concert to get back to and I’m not done using his aura,” Nate pretended to be a lot colder towards Mare than he ever had been, but he still took off the necklace. Mare tried to be as still as possible as he was placed inside an ornate but non-magical box.

He could still hear the conversation as he was slowly taken away.

“And I’m not wearing those robes, you all look like cultists,” Nate refused.

“We’re not cultists,” the leader insisted, as they got farther away and Mare fought the urge to rush to Nate’s side. Nate wasn’t extremely magically inclined like Dark’s host or Marvin. He had a nice voice and was sensitive to magic, but otherwise defenseless against those who wanted to harm him.

But Mare had to trust Nate, that he knew these people, that they only wanted to harm Mare if he showed he couldn’t be contained.

A gnawing unease that felt worse when he was taken into a room and could feel other twisted, tormented souls inside the room. Locked and sealed inside of various objects. Because Mare wasn’t locked inside the necklace, he could sense around the room. There was a sealed book holding a demon that wouldn’t stop screaming. A music box with a banshee locked inside. A mask. A couple more necklaces each with a demon inside the centerpiece gemstone. A statue with a weeping demon.

But at the other side of the room, locked inside of a glass case, tethered onto place with chains and papers written with all kinds of rooms was a black cane, the pommel head of the cane was a three talon claws hand holding a clear gem.

And the demon inside that cane . . . it was staring at him.

Mare didn’t want to be in here, he could feel the screams of other demons and spirits trapped in this room. It was like if you stuck a human and people locked that person into a room with the sick and dying, and then closed the door behind them.

“Well,” a voice rumbled out and the other demons immediately fell silent. “That’s not fair.”

The other demons seemed to echo the one in the cane, with almost a mad fervor.

“Not fair . . .”

“Not fair . . .”

“Not fair . . .”

“Not fair . . .”

“Not fair . . .”

“Enough!” The demon called out and they immediately fell silent. “You have a name?”

“Oh, I don’t trust you,” Mare defended.

Mare could almost hear the smile when the demon asked, “So you’re not an idiot? How about this: you help get me out, and I don’t tell them you’re not under your host’s thumb?”

Mare felt a tight coil in his soul, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“The longer I wait little parrot, the more impatient I get,” the demon warned.

“Okay, okay,” Mare allowed. “I got it.”

Then the door opened and Mare went quiet. Mare didn’t think any real time had passed, but that might have been the droning of tortured souls warping his perception of time. His box was picked up and removed and in a minute or two the box was opened and Mare felt relief wash over him as Nate put the necklace back on.

“I’ll definitely keep an eye on the situation,” Nate promised the leader. “Figure out of it’s really them.”

“I’d like to know how bad the situation is,” they told Nate. “Make sure you tell us if the demon you have becomes unmanageable.”

“Of course,” Nate agreed, “safety first.”

Mare did his best to stay quiet and still, Nate had his head covered, but this time it was just Nate and the driver.

When the driver was concentrating on the road, Mare clung to Nate’s neck.

“Hey, buddy, calm down,” Nate whispered as quietly as he could.

Mare felt like a coiled spring, waiting for everything to fall through. But to Mare’s relief they rendezvoused back with the tour group and Mare flew out of the necklace the instant the van started driving away.

“Hey, come on, you don’t have to go back for a while,” Nate promised, everything’s okay.”

“They’ve got an evil bastard in there,” Mare warned. “He just threatened to expose us.”

“Okay, you tell me and I tell you,” Nate told him.

“We were in assfuck north Arizona,” Mare reported.

“Alright,” Nate nodded. “They don’t suspect anything right now, so we’ve got sometime. Which demon was it?”

“He was in a cane, that fucker had the whole cell under his thumb,” Mare warned.

“Shit, okay,” Nate swore, his hand forming a claw. “Did the top have a claw and a marble in the claw.”

“Yes.”

“Dammit!” Nate yelled. “M’Kay, we can’t free him, that fucker needs to stay in his cage. We’ll think of something. We’ll do the tour and think of something.”

“Do I have to go back in the necklace?” Mare asked with a little bit of trepidation.

“No, there’s some hot wings in the kitchen unit,” Nate offered. “Have fun, buddy.”

“Sweet,” Mare let out his first smile he’d given Nate since he told Mare about the necklace trick.

“Make sure you save some for everyone else,” Nate told him, smiling back at Mare.

“Maybe if I feel like it,” Mare scoffed, still smiling.

The demon slipped through the door, Nate’s smile lingered a bit as he looked at the door. Then Nate turned back to the camera he had taken from the Sides, currently it was tied down with rope and spell tape. “Okay, now back to work.”

[abyssal-memories-and-dreams]

Twisted Wonderland Tag!

Shout out to @twistedwonderlandconfessions for giving me inspiration to do this tag!

Rules: Answer the following questions to the best of your ability, then tag at least 3 other blogs you think would enjoy playing this game.

~Dire Crowley appears before you~

1. Welcome to Night Raven College! Did you enjoy the trip here?

For most part! I’d just rather wish I wasn’t transported in a coffin...

2. Wonderful! All students here must choose one of the seven dormitories to reside in during the school year. Which one do you choose? Why?

If I had the capabilities, I would’ve gone for Savanaclaw 100%. However, I am certain I would die within the first week, so I’m actually gonna choose Scarabia! i just think it’s a very fun dorm to live in, and I would absolutely try to ride on a flying carpet. 

3. Now that you’re officially a student, what would you like to learn first?

Definitely Potions! 

4. I’ll leave you to settle in now. Before I go, do you have any questions about the college?

How much of my soul am I gonna have to sell to pay off my tuition?

~Crowley out~

5. Which dormitory leader are you excited to meet? Why?

Probably Kalim! I can imagine myself having the most fun with him, especially knowing that he would be my dorm head.

6. Azul offers you the chance to fulfill your heart’s desire. What is it, and do you accept?

Honestly, as much as I love him and his story arc, I would probably have to refuse whatever he proposes. I can see him trying to make a contract with me in exchange for something to improve on my education or talents, but I feel like if I were to accept his offer, then I would just forget to fill my end of the bargain and lose everything in the process :(.

7. Which of the boys are you friends with? Why?

Floyd because he’s fun despite his unpredictability. Also Kalim as well because he’s also fun, and Cater because he’s laid back.

8. C’mon, we all know everyone at the school is attractive. Is there someone (or more) you’re crushing on?

I’m definitely lying if I said I didn’t have a huge small crush on Leona. As The Twisted Wonderland wiki describes it, “Leona has great respects for every women.”

9. The hallways are a terrifying place to be after hours. Who’s the last person you wanna be out there with?

Definitely Mozus. Just... anybody but him.

10. Would you rather listen to Jamil’s puns, work at the Mostro Cafe with Jade and Floyd, or clean the dungeons with Lilia?

While I feel like I can handle Jamil’s puns, I would actually prefer to work at the Monstro Cafe - gotta find a way to earn money to spend on things like the school store. If Azul even gives out paychecks.

11. Everyone loves karaoke night at the Cafe! Do you sing? If so, which song would be your go-to?

I DEFINITELY am more on the shyer side when it comes to karaoke. I’d probably do it if I had multiple friends, but it definitely takes more for me to do it by myself. If I did do it, my go-to would probably be “9 to 5″ by Dolly Parton.

12. Riddle invites you to a tea party with the rest of Heartslabyul. Do you attend?

It depends - Are we talking pre-Overblot disaster or post-Overblot. I feel like I would be more obligated to go to one of Riddle’s tea parties if it took place after the events of Episode 1.

13. Choose a champion!

I’m not sure I understand. Sorry :(

14. Favorite headcanon(s)?

I can definitely see Kalim trying to break dance like Jamil on multiple occasions only to fall on his face every time.

15. Unpopular opinion?

Don’t really have any. 

16. You forgot to send Malleus an invitation. Your survival plan?

First, I p a n i c. Then I try to hide anywhere in the school until I can make a gift basket full of ice cream to win his favor as an apology. If it doesn’t work, then... guess I’ll die :|

17. Be honest, would you trust Rook to shoot an apple off your head?

Yes and no. On one hand, as someone with great eyesight. I trust that he will know when the arrow is aimed lower than it should be. On the other, I have a fear that he might “accidentally” aim lower should I piss him off that day...

18. Lilia, Ace, and Kalim invite you to hang out with them. Do you go?!

Hell, yeah! Why wouldn’t I?

19. Where is your favorite place to chill on campus?

My Room

20. Ortho asks if you’ll help him drag Idia out of his room so he won’t skip class. How does that work out?

Probably not so well - This boi is six feet while I’m five foot two with the strength of an ant, so most likely I wouldn’t even be able to budge Idia out of his room.

21. Who would you rather train with, Jack, Sebek, or Ashton?

I feel like I’d get the most done out of training with Ashton despite his ego surpassing the volume of the entire Atlantic - 

22. You’re locked up in Mr. S’s shoppe after-hours, who’s with you?

Probably either Kalim or Floyd

23. Leona fell asleep…again. This time on top of you. You have potions in 15 minutes; what do you do?

As much as I love nap time and this man, I’d REALLY rather not miss Potions knowing how Divus is...

24. Would you rather go on a magic carpet ride with Kalim, let Vil give you the Pomefiore spa treatment, or play on Azul’s grand piano (with his supervision)?

Magic carpet ride, HANDS DOWN!

25. Grimm feels a little left out. Comfort him?

YES! Let me grab some tuna and I can give him endless pets!

Tag: Not sure. Don’t really know anyone on here that would do it...

[skgway]

1832 Nov., Wed. 21

6 10/.. 

11 1/2

Fahrenheit 51º at 7 10/.. Very thick and hazy – The light just beginning to try to peep thro’ the fog – Ready in an hour – Reading the courier newspaper of last night till very near 8 – Then breakfast – Had done before my father came –

Mr. Mitchell, the land valuer, came about 8 1/2 and staid an hour – Agreed that on Mr. Carr’s giving me the 1st refusal of Godley I should say I would apply to Mr. Mitchell to act as my agent in the business – The buildings might be worth £200 or £300 – Would value the place for me on my hearing from Carr – Valued the land proposed to be purchased at Northgate at 7/. [shillings] a yard – Said I was lucky in selling the land for St. James’s church – Oates did not want to lose the job, so pushed it on –

On saying that 12/6 [shillings/pence] and last 11/6  [shillings/pence] had been given per yard for land near mine, he owned it might be worth more but said I should not get my price 15/. [shillings] a yard – Yet owned that it was intended to bring the Keighly road out by Stannery and into Broad street thro’ North parade in 4 or 5 years, and thus my land would be very much improved in value –

Advised me to take a ground rent of 6 d [pence] a yard – Yet allowed that the feoffers of Waterhouse’s charity tho’ they had 6 d [pence] a yard for Waterhouse Street had just stopt the sale of some more ground at that price thinking it not enough – Said these ground rents were worth 30 years purchase –

Advised me by no means to build myself – Mentioned the case of Collins (but without name) but owning the man was not a tenant of mine – No remedy for selling off, but to commence on action on the man’s leaving the farm for damage done to it – The state of the farm when he entered is what he had paid on entering should be known, and all that he had sole off taken account of – But as there was an agreement and he had afterwards refused signing it, yet this would be brought forward on a trial at York, and probably made to stand good –

All this went by the common law of the land, and custom of this part of the country – One must look to the terms and trials for precedents – Particularly Armytage (sir George) versus –––––– about 14 years ago, and some other cases – All very uncertain – Those fields at the bottom of Horton Street called Grease fields – The ground worth 8 /. [shillings] or 10 /. [shillings] a yard – The fields in Lister lane not worth more than £3 a daywork. Doubtful whether Wortley will come in or not –

At 9 1/2 went down to Pickles and his son John who began this morning – Soon called home to Metcalf, Linen draper, in Waterhouse Street to whom let my front pew at St. James’s church – To enter next Sunday – Pay the same rent as the adjoining pews – He thought that was 40 /. [shillings] a year –

And Hinscliffe too was waiting for me –  Ended in his bidding me £230 an acre for the coal at the top of the hill – Will be about 2 acres – Anxious to begin as soon as possible – But I gave him no hope that the person to whom I had given the 1st refusal would let him have the coal even that price, but said he should give something more or else not have it –

Hinscliffe’s scale of expense on getting coal is as follows he observing that one should only reckon 4 1/2 instead of 5 corves out of a square yard

Banking and pulling per dozen 1/6 [shilling/pence]

∴ [therefore] Ditt]o ditt]o per score = 1/10 1/2 [shilling/pence]

getting (colliers) –––––––––––––––– = 4 /. [shillings]

pheying . . = £4. [pounds] 16. [shillings]. 0 [pence] per acre

taxes . . = £5 or £6 per acre

wear and tear (he said) = 1 /. [shilling] per score (I said impossible and 6 /. [shillings] a score quite enough)

one dozen = 16 loads

20 loads = 1 score

1 score = 1 1/4 dozen

5 men working regularly will get an acre in a year

The main throws run from NorthWest dipping to South East according to the general opinion between sea and sea. Hinscliffe’s estimate of expense makes the cost per score = about 7 /. [shillings] per score

Suppose to sell at 7 d [pence] a corve = 11/8 [shillings/pence] per score – 7 /. [shillings] expenses = 4/8 [shillings/pence] clear gain

1 acre or 1210 scores at 4/8 [shillings/pence] = £282. [pounds] 5. [shillings]. 8 [pence]? 

If from this is to be taken 1/2 a corve per square yard (i.e. 4 1/2 instead of 5 corves per square yard) then suppose £30 to be taken off the coal leaves £250 odd, so at the worst Hinscliffe paying me £230 will gain £20 per acre tho’ he went away declaring he could gain nothing –

Before he went Joseph Wilkinson came and staid about 1 1/2 hour till 12 40/.. – But we were very good friends – Promised to give me on Saturday a direct and final answer what he would do about the water. He wishes to have the bridle road in Lower brea wood stopt and will engage that it shall be done at the Sessions without opposition – He and Samuel Holdsworth (2 of the Surveyors) will attend the Sessions in its favour –

Then came Wilson to beg off doing the library passage till Monday – Then Charles Howarth – The oak tree of Miss W– [Walker]’s that Washington valued at 5 /. [shillings] and her joiner Woodhead at 6 /. [shillings]. Charles H– [Howarth] has 9 feet of wood in it, and is worth 10 /. [shillings] – Should have been worth 15 d [pence] a foot but is coarse and only fit for posts – Had it been a fine straight pole would have been worth 2/3 [shillings/pence] a foot –

At 12 50/.. went back to Pickles – 1/2 hour while he dined, I was in my walk – Then all the rest of the afternoon with the men – John (had James Smith’s son thrashing in his stead) planted 200 hollies and 16 box and helped to move laurel and 2 large thorns planted on the slope at the top of Charles H– [Howarth]’s acre field lastly (having in the morning stubbed and carted to Lower brook Ing wood rails about 15 hazels) planted out 2 or 3 large hazels in the wood –

Quite too dark to see at 4 3/4 – I staid out walking till so dark I could scarce keep on the path and came in at 5 40/.. – Dinner at 6 1/4 – Afterwards wrote note to “Mr. Carr White Swan Halifax” in answer to his of this morning that came just after Mr. Mitchell went away to say he had no objection to sell the Godley farm, and gave me the preface – Said I should be glad to be the purchaser and wrote by the bearer of my note to Mr. Mitchell the land valuer to desire him to act as my agent in the business, and call upon Mr. Carr on the subject immediately to ask his price –

Then to "Mr. Mitchell, Land valuer Cowmarket Halifax" a note explanatory of the above, but if any saw the note nobody could get that Mitchell had been spoken to on the subject before – Wrote also note to “J.T. Holroyde Esquire solicitor H–x [Halifax]” as follows 

"Shibden Hall – Wednesday 21 November 1832. Sir, I beg to inform you that my price for the land proposed to be purchased is fourteen shillings a yard or a ground rent of seven pence a yard – I am, sir, etc. etc. etc. A Lister" –

Sent off these notes by John at 8 – Afterwards calculating about coals etc. and wrote all the above of today till 9 3/4 – Then went into the other room and staid talking to my aunt till 10 35/.. – At which hour Fahrenheit 49º – 

Very thick, soft, dark day but good for planting – Kind letter tonight, 3 pages letter paper franked by Lady S– [Stuart] de R– [Rothesay], thanks for the shawl which seems to have given great pleasure – Pothered by Mr. James Wortleys thanks for my good wishes and hopes to make my acquaintance. I shall say I am going to York or be out of the way by some means or other. I am only afraid he will call. Mrs. Briggs my late steward’s widow called this morning.

[in margin] page 289

[aion-rsa]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Funniest Guest Cast Characters

https://ift.tt/3oTakdX

Warning: contains Brooklyn Nine-Nine spoilers.

Brooklyn Nine Nine is one of the funniest sitcoms around thanks to its fantastic ensemble cast and just-broad-enough humour blended with almost-realistic cop show elements. But that great regular cast are supported by an equally brilliant array of recurring characters and guest stars. In this list, we’re celebrating the funniest of the show’s less often-seen characters, those guest appearances who’ve turned up once or twice to inject a fresh burst of comic energy into the show.

Note that we’re not counting regular recurring characters like Adrian Pimento, Madeline Wuntch, or Kevin Cozner, aka Mr Raymond Holt. If they turn up more than once a year, or in more than three episodes in one season, they’re off the list.

12. Adam Sandler, played by himself in Operation: Broken Feather, Season 1, Episode 15

Adam Sandler’s appearance as himself in Season One is beautifully self-deprecating as well as funny. His deadpan delivery of “I’m a serious person” is hilarious in just the right way – of course the real Sandler is, presumably, as serious and as complex as anyone else, but he knows his own public persona and just how to play on it in the right way to raise a different kind of laugh. The interest in antiquities, the planned film about the Russian Revolution, it’s all funny – and somewhat undercut, even more amusingly, by his taunting of Jake straight afterwards. The whole scene did help to flush out a criminal though, so it wasn’t a total loss for Jake.

Funniest moment: Admitting his “serious” Russian Revolution film features Kevin James as Trotsky, and a wife who doesn’t wear a bra through the whole film.

11. Geoffrey Hoytsman, played by Chris Parnell in two episodes in Season 2

When Jake’s lawyer girlfriend Sophia uses her boss as a transparent excuse to break up with him (by going on ‘pause’), Jake wilfully misunderstands and decides that the boss is the key problem, so he sets off to make the man like him. It all goes horribly wrong when Jake finds Hoytsman snorting cocaine in the bathroom, which Hoytsman claims he was doing accidentally while screaming loudly that Jake is arresting him to the whole room of lawyers. Sophia somehow still ends up blaming Jake – probably because she simply wanted to break up with him in the first place – and Hoytsman ends up returning to take Jake hostage and quite seriously threaten his life later in the season. Parnell’s over-the-top performance as a character who is, of course, high for much of the time, is what really sells the character.

Funniest moment: Sniffing cocaine off his collar in the middle of the police precinct.

10. Jessica Day, played by Zooey Deschanel in The Night Shift, Season 4, Episode 4

Back in 2016, both New Girl and Brooklyn Nine Nine were active Fox sitcoms, so the network decided to do a crossover event in which the New Girl characters travelled to New York City and ran into the 99. Most of the crossover scenes actually ended up in the New Girl episode, but Zooey Deschanel’s character Jess Day did make a brief appearance in the otherwise stand-alone Brooklyn Nine Nine half of the crossover. While the New Girl episode provided a lot more context for Jess’s feelings about New York and her stress level surrounding Schmidt’s mom’s car and the soup she’s carrying, her appearance as an apparently slightly nutty woman who resists Jake’s attempts to commandeer the car is an entertaining interlude during the half hour.  

Funniest moment: Insisting that Jake’s oath to serve and protect applies to her soup.

9. Philip Davidson, played by Sterling K. Brown in The Box, Season 5, Episode 14

If this were a list of the show’s ‘best’ guest characters, rather than ‘funniest’, the top ranked would surely be Philip Davidson, played by Sterling K. Brown. ‘The Box’ is a tight, taught bottle episode that takes full advantage of Brooklyn Nine Nine’s hybrid status as both sitcom and cop show, and Brown’s Davidson forms a strong third of a triangle in this three-header with Holt and Peralta. It’s a really strong performance, but given that he’s playing a tough-to-crack murder suspect, not really the funniest, exactly. Still, he gets a good few laughs when appropriate over the course of a really engaging half hour of comedy/cop show crossover.

Funniest moment: When Davidson finally cracks, he cracks hard – his confession is equal parts triumphant, cathartic, and hilarious.

8. Karen Haas, played by Maya Rudolph in Coral Palms Parts 1&2, Season 4, Episodes 1&2

Maya Rudolph has a good line going in slightly weary authority figures (see also: The Good Place). Handling Holt and Peralta while they’re in witness protection is not an easy job and her exasperation at Jake’s refusal to accept his situation is well played. Haas is really funny, though, when she starts bringing her own issues into her official duties, clearly trying to get permission to cheat on her husband from someone, anyone – and Holt is happy to oblige.

Funniest moment: Whoever it is she wants to sleep with is “really young” – something that clearly shouldn’t be funny, but the face Rudolph pulls as she says it is what sells it.

7. Lin-Manuel Miranda as David Santiago in The Golden Child, Season 6, Episode 9

Miranda is marvellously smarmy as Amy’s too-perfect brother, her demanding parents’ favourite, who snubs popular culture and shows off by saving people’s lives (including Amy’s own husband). Amy’s delighted reaction when he’s arrested for cocaine possession and deep disappointment when he turns out to be innocent are highlights, but the funniest scene by far is the dance-off between David and Amy, in which both comprehensively demonstrate that dancing is not among the Santiago family’s many strengths.

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Brooklyn Nine-Nine Remake Series Baffles Internet

By Kirsten Howard

TV

The Best Brooklyn Nine-Nine Episodes

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Funniest moment: David thinks elbows should form a bigger part of a dance routine than they really should.

6. Frederick, played by Nick Offerman in Ava, Season 3, Episode 8

Any time we meet Captain Holt’s friends and family, many of whom share his stoic, Vulcan-like demeanour, it’s always hilarious. JK Simmons as his old friend Dillman very nearly made the list, but he was just pipped to the post by Ron Swanson – sorry, Nick Offerman – as Holt’s ex-boyfriend. There’s a lot of crossover between Parks and Recreation and Brooklyn Nine Nine among the cast and crew and Offerman isn’t even the only Parks & Rec alumnus to appear on this list, but he’s probably the one whose appearance most quickly calls to mind his earlier character. The idea that Holt’s ex-boyfriend is Ron F-ing Swanson is just genius. OK, Frederick lacks Swanson’s magnificent moustache (though he has a glorious beard) and he’s even more brusque and stand-off-ish, but he’s a perfect match for Holt, even more in their post-break-up mutual antagonism than we imagine they were in their relationship.

Funniest moment: His straight-faced insistence at the door that they have a “wooden-duck situation”.

5. Mark Devereaux, played by Nathan Fillion in Serve & Protect, Season 4, Episode 14

It’s always funny any time police characters in a cop show visit the set of a TV cop show, and for added meta humour, in this case the actor playing the fictional detective is played by an actor who works on a cop show (albeit as a non-cop character). Phew! That’s a lot of layers of meta. Nathan Fillion’s pompous star who apparently thinks playing a detective makes him a detective is very funny, and it gets better when it turns out that was a ruse to cover up his own petty criminal activity before he folds like wet paper. It’s just a shame we didn’t get to see more of him.

Funniest moment: Devereaux tries turning on the angry detective act from his show to cover up his own crime, only to be confronted with quite a lot more than a “shred” of evidence and fold immediately.

4. Eleanor Horstweil, played by Kathryn Hahn in Hostage Situation, Season 3, Episode 11

We heard a lot about Boyle’s ex-wife over the first couple of seasons, partly because Boyle was still living in her basement, hanging out with her new husband Hercules. We knew what sort of person Eleanor was when Boyle explained that he gets the beach house from December to February. When we finally meet her in the flesh, Kathryn Hahn does not disappoint – Eleanor is surely one of the most purely horrible characters we’ve seen on the show (and yes, we’re including all the murderers). She hits a 90-year-old priest with her car and then destroys Boyle’s frozen sperm, all with no apparent sense of guilt, and she largely gets away with it, too. But she does it all with a perfectly deadpan expression and carefree attitude, each horrifying act funnier that the last.

Funniest moment: She goes further than Jake ever thought she would when she “shoots a hostage” – i.e., throws some of Boyle’s sperm down the drain.

3. Seth Dozerman, played by Bill Hader in New Captain, Season 3, Episode 1

Bill Hader’s screentime on the show is relatively brief, but he is hilarious from start to finish, attacking the squad with every shouted command like he’s firing metaphorical bullets at them. It might actually have been really cool to see the squad try to deal with him as their Captain for more than one episode, with his extremely demanding requirements and very highly strung personality, but on the other hand, perhaps this is a joke that works better in small quantities. Any character whose dying words are “Tell my wife I love her work ethic” is probably a character better enjoyed for a shorter period of time. 

Funniest moment: Both heart attacks are very funny, but the first (non-fatal) one just pips it for the sheer suddenness of it.

2. Caleb, played by Tim Meadows in three episodes in Seasons 5 and 6

Jake is shocked to discover his only friend in maximum security prison is a cannibal (though he would prefer to be identified as a wood-worker), having assumed everyone in protective custody was a wrongly accused police officer. Caleb is surely Brooklyn Nine Nine’s best streak of really, really dark humour – not only did he murder and eat nine and a half people, they were small children too. Every reference he makes to his “nightmare” past is sickly hilarious, and gets worse and worse every time, including a reference to his “skin suit”. But he really does care for Jake, even if he still kind of wants to eat him. The sheer audacity of the black humour surrounding this character is fantastic and always funny.

Funniest moment: Caleb shows that he has a softer side when he saves Jake’s life – but he immediately deeply regrets it and would not do it again.

1. Doug Judy, played by Craig Robinson in multiple episodes (one episode or two-parter per year)

Yes, we carefully defined a recurring character as someone who is either in more than three episodes or who appears more than once a year specifically so that we could include Craig Robinson‘s Doug Judy. It’s our list and we make the rules. There’s something twistedly beautiful about Jake and Doug Judy’s tender but tense friendship, even in the early years when Judy is constantly double-crossing poor Jake. The two of them have perfect comic chemistry, and each running gag in their friendship, especially their fondness for swaggering out in a new outfit or disguise, just gets funnier and funnier. Long may Doug Judy continue to turn up roughly once every twelve months to harass his long suffering best friend.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Funniest moment: Having escaped yet again, Doug Judy leaves Jake a pre-recorded message in a karaoke booth – complete with a full hour of pre-recorded singing for Jake to duet with.

The post Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Funniest Guest Cast Characters appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3kZOKSD

[smlyds]

Sam x Reader (stardew valley)

Dandelion

Chapter 3

The next day, I woke up in the early morning and planted my new seeds and watered my crops. I also noticed I had some mail. One was a fifty dollar check for some sap and fiber I sold the day before and a letter from the joja mart in the east side of the town. I put the money in my wallet and decided to go to the town again to see if anyone had posted a request. The walk was as peaceful as the day before with the morning light shining through the trees, the birds singing and the quiet patting of my feet in the soft dirt. When I reached the town, I looked at my watch and realized it was still really early, only 8:26. That meant nothing would be open for another half an hour. I sighed and continued to the bulletin board with the calendar and request section. On the requests, a small paper was pinned that said,

If it’s not too much trouble, I would like someone to bring me a Joja Cola after my shift at Joja Mart. I will give you 3 dollars. Bring it to me at my house around 2:30! Thanks!

-Sam

I took it down and took and put it in my journal, deciding to buy a cola from the saloon for him. I still had about 6 hours until then, though, so I decided to spend some time at the beach, which lay at the southern end of the town. I walked through the town square, then the small graveyard and to the bridge over the river that led to the beach. It was a very nice beach. A small cabin was built in one corner, where Elliot lived. The sunlight shimmered off the water as waves crashed against the sand. A fishing dock stretched into the ocean, and a small building was built and the far end of it. I walked around the beach and found some shells, which I placed in my backpack, then decided to see what the building was at the end of the dock. I walked down it, the old wood creaking and bending slightly under my weight, which made me uneasy. When I reached it, I opened the door to see a small fishing shop. It had bait, fish and fishing poles all over. At the end of the small room, behind a counter, a tall man with a gray beard and a red hat and jacket stood.

“Hello there! Yer’ new here aren’tcha?” He asked.

“Yes, I’m (y/n),” I said.

“Well I’m Willy. It’s good to meet’cha!” He said with a hearty laugh. “So, d’you have a fishin’ pole?”

“No, I can’t say I do,” I responded, hoping he wouldn’t try to convince me to buy one. I was really bad at refusing things, so I knew I would spend what little money I had on a fancy fishing pole if he suggested I do.

“I just got a nice fiberglass pole, so If you’d like, ya can have me old bamboo pole,” he said, picking up the bamboo fishing pole he had referred too.

“Oh, I would feel bad to take that,” I said, though I did want it.

“I don’t need it, so there’s no reason to feel bad,” he said, handing it to me, and J took it.

“Are you sure it’s alright?” I asked, to which he replied with a smile and a nod. “Okay! I guess I will go fish then!” I said, walking out the door. I then proceeded to fish until 2:10, getting tons of great catches I could sell, then left the beach and bought a Joja Cola to bring Sam. After buying it, I checked my watch and saw that it was 2:25, so I walked quickly to Sam’s house, and thoughtlessly knocked on the door, taking out the note with the request. Today, a young boy with reddish hair and brown eyes who seemed to be about 7 answered the door.

“Hello stranger!” he said.

“Hi! Is Sam here?” I asked the boy.

“Yeah, I will go get him,” the boy responded, going back into the house. A moment later Sam stepped out, and I felt myself get a little nervous.

“Hey there Farmer!” He said in a bright and cheery tone.

“U-um, hi,” I said awkwardly. “I saw your request on the bulletin board.” I said, handing him the Joja Cola.

“Oh, cool! I’ll go get my wallet,” he said, almost going back inside.

“You don’t need to pay me, it was only a dollar,” I said quickly.

“Well, on the request, I said I would, so I am going to stick to that,” he said with a smile.

“Well, then I will just use that 3 dollars to buy you a pizza or something,” I said stubbornly.

“Alright, then let’s get some pizza, on me.”

“Huh?”

“I will go get my wallet,” he said, smirking at me and going inside. After a moment, I processed what he had suggested and started to blush. He quickly came outside and said, “alright, let’s go to the Saloon!”

“A-alright,” I said, walking with him down the street and through the town square to the Saloon. “Also, let’s sit at the bar, because the chairs are tall and it’s more fun that way.”

I smiled at that suggestion, as I always felt the same way when picking where to sit.

“Thank you, for the pizza,” I said quietly, still blushing, but trying my best to hide it.

“No problem! This seemed like a good opportunity to make a new friend so I thought I should take it,” he said happily. He quickly ordered a pizza from the Saloon’s owner, Gus.

“So, have you lived here your whole life?” I asked in an attempt to make small talk.

“Nope, I moved here from Zuzu City about 6 years ago,” Sam said.

“Oh really? Do you prefer it here,” I asked curiously.

“I think I probably prefer the city. Things seem to move slower here. There are some nice things though,” he said, pausing before continuing. “I might move back to the city once I have enough money saved.”

“That makes sense. I guess the country isn’t for everyone,” I said, a little disappointed.

“Of course, that’s just a maybe right now. I might stay. Anyways, why did you move here?” Sam asked.

“I got tired of working an office job and remembered a letter my grandfather left me that he said to read when I was tired of modern life, and it had the will to the farm, so I decided to pack my bags and go,” I said, resting my chin on my hands.

“Wow! I wish I could do something as spontaneously as that,” he said, seeming amazed, which didn’t make sense to me. “I couldn’t do that though,” he said, looking a little sad.

“It hasn’t been all that great, so don’t worry to much about the idea of it. If anything, I wish I had planned more,” I said in response.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right! It does seem like it would be kind of stressful,” he said with a laugh, his mood restored. I smiled.

“Here’s your pizza!” Gus said, placing a medium sized pizza between the two of us with two small plates.

“Thanks Gus!” Sam said happily. “Pizza is my favorite,” he said, taking a slice. I got one as well and took a bite.

“Wow! That’s really good!” I said, taking another bite.

“Yeah! Gus’s pizza is the best,” he said, already having eaten half of his slice, sauce smeared on his lips. I let out a small giggle. He laughed and said, “Y’know, you’re a lot of fun! We should hang out more!” I blushed and continued eating my pizza. We spent the rest of the day talking about random things, and I learned a few things about Sam, like how his favorite color is blue, he plays guitar and sings, his favorite drink is Joja Cola and that he has a younger brother named Vincent.

I spent the remainder of the day in my room doodling and thinking about how much fun I’d had with Sam. I hoped we would be able to do something like that again. With that thought, I went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, the sun shining through the window of my one room house. It felt so serene as I stood up from my bed, which loudly creaked in reaction. I spent the morning farming and weeding, only to remember I needed to meet Emily at 10:30 with only 15 minutes to make it to town. Panicked, I ran down the path to town and made it to her house on time, my breath uneven and shallow. I looked at my watch, which read 10:28, and knocked on the door. A girl with blonde hair answered.

“Who’re you?” She said in a rude tone.

“I’m (y/n),” I said, pausing to breathe. “I’m here to have tea with Emily.”

“Oh, okay I guess, come inside and I’ll get her.” I walked in and took my boots off, looking around. It was decorated normally, with a bookshelf, and a coffee table which was surrounded by a small couch and a chair. The blonde girl, who had failed to introduce herself, walked to another room and came back a moment later with Emily.

“Hello, (y/n)!” She said, smiling cheerfully, bright red lipstick lining her small lips. “Take a seat. Oh! What’s your favorite kind of tea?”

“Thank you, I like peppermint tea. I hope that’s alright,” I said, sitting on a yellow chair next to the coffee table.

“I like peppermint tea, so it won’t be an issue. Haley, would you mind making the tea? I wouldn’t want to leave (y/n) by herself to wait,” She said to the blonde girl.

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes and going back into the room she went to to get Emily.

“Sorry about her, she can be kind of rude. She’s my younger sister Haley, by the way,” Emily said, sitting on the small couch.

“She’s been fine, so it’s really no problem,” I said, feeling a little awkward.

“So, how are you liking Stardew Valley?” She asked.

“It’s nice here. Most of the people are very friendly, and farming has been a lot better than I expected,” I said in response.

“That’s good! We only moved here about 5 years ago,” She said.

“Oh really? Where did you move from?” I asked.

“Calico desert. It’s a lovely place,” She said, looking nostalgic.

“I’m sure it is,” I said. “I just moved from the city.”

“I can’t blame you for that. I’ve never liked the city. Too harmful to the environment,” She said in a serious tone, and Haley came in, setting out tea down. I quickly picked up my cup.

“That makes sense,” I said in response.

“Have you made any friends here yet,” Emily asked.

“Kind of,” I said, pausing for a moment. “Jodi is nice. I talked to her a bit. Also Sam is... nice,” I said, my cheeks warming as J looked into my tea. Emily giggled at me.

“I suppose you could say that. Sam is a good guy,” She said, smiling at me. I could feel my heart beat a little faster.

“Yeah. He got me pizza yesterday. It was so much fun,” I responded enthusiastically. Emily giggled again, and I started to take a sip of my tea.

“I hope I’m not overstepping any bounds, since we aren’t close friends or anything yet, but do you have a crush on Sam?” Hearing her words, I immediately choked on my tea and started blushing immensely . “Ah, sorry, are you okay?” Emily asked, sounding a bit worried. I coughed a few times.

“Y-yeah, I’m okay,” I said, though I was very embarrassed. “Also, your question was fine. I don’t think I have a crush on him, considering I barely know him,” I answered, but in that moment I knew I was lying through my teeth.

“Alrighty, if you say so,” Emily replied suspiciously. I could feel heat rising to my ears.

“Well, I have to go,” I said, downing my tea and setting the cup down. Emily laughed at me.

“Bye, then,” She said as I walked out of the door. I closed it behind me, closing my eyes to take a deep breath, only to be met by those gorgeous green eyes with blue and yellow specks. “S-Sam!” I shouted in surprise.

“Hey there, (y/n)!” He said cheerfully. I felt embarrassed knowing my face was still bright red. “Are you alright?”

“O-Oh, yeah, it’s just a bit hot,” I said, fanning myself, even though I thought it was very nice out.

“It is a bit hot. Anyway, I’m on my way to hang out with Abigail and Sebastian, so I gotta go! Bye, farmer,” He said happily, starting to jog away. I felt a pang of jealousy, wishing I could hang out with them too.

“Bye!” I said, giving him a weak wave.

“Don’t like him that way, huh?” I gasped, turning around to see Emily giggling at me.

“When did you come out here?” I asked, spooked from her sudden appearance.

“I have been here the whole time. You would’ve noticed if you weren’t so enraptured by Sam,” she said teasingly.

“I am not!” I said, lying to her once again.

“Alrighty. Just know, my door is always open if you wanna talk about it,” She said, ducking back into her house and closing the door. I blushed and decided to go home to collect my thoughts about the whole situation.

The walk home was long, and I felt uneasy the entire time. When I got home, I farmed and thought everything over, berating myself for getting a crush so easily on someone I didn’t even know. In the evening, I left the farm to go get something to eat from the saloon. When I arrived, the jukebox was playing a cheery tune. I sat at the bar and asked for some pancakes.

“You got it!” Gus said with enthusiasm, cooking them at a stove only a few feet away after handing me a small glass of water. I watched bubbles drift up from the side of the water in silence as I waited. “Y’know, I don’t know you, but you seem troubled.”

“How could you tell?” I asked.

“Running a saloon and seeing so many people makes it easy to read people’s moods,” Gus said, flipping a pancake. “If you don’t mind, can I ask what’s bothering you?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, just something dumb,” I said with a sigh.

“I know what it’s about!” Emily said, and I suddenly noticed her organizing wine bottles a few feet away.

“Emily?” I said in surprise.

“I work here, by the way,” she said.

“I figured,” I said in an accidentally rude tone.

“Well, if you don’t want to share, you don’t need to,” Gus said, handing me a plate of perfectly made pancakes.

“Thanks. These look amazing, by the way,” I said, taking a bite. “Mmm! Yummy!”

“Thanks! It’s taken years to perfect the art of the pancake,” he said in a serious tone. “Well, you seem to be okay again,” he said happily.

“Yeah, I feel much better than I did before,” I said, eating the pancakes faster, when the door opened with a creaking sound.

“Hey Gus!” A voice I recognized quite well said.

“Hey Sam,” Gus said in response, hearing Emily giggle at me in response the the redness suddenly coloring my cheeks. “What can I get you?”

“Could I get a Joja Cola?” He asked, sitting down next to me, giving me a quick wave.

“Of course!” Gus said, shooting me a glance, wondering what was wrong as he poured a glass of Joja Cola for Sam. “Are you okay? You’re kind of red?” He asked.

“Yeah, you were pretty red earlier, too,” Sam said.

“I-I’m fine!” I said quickly, looking at my glass of water.

“Are you sure? If you feel sick at all, you should go home,” Gus said.

“Really, I’m fine,” I said, and Emily laughed again.

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Emily said, smirking at me, and I glared at her.

“Well, okay then,” Gus said, looking a bit suspicious.

“It’s good you’re alright,” Sam said, smiling and taking a sip of the Joja cola. I took a deep breath.

“Yeah, it would suck if I got sick,” I said, looking at my pancakes to avoid eye contact. I knew if I looked him in the eyes, I would be blushing even more than I already was.

“I don’t mind getting sick too much,” he said. “When I’m sick I don’t have to work,” He laughed at the end.

“Oh, where do you work?” I asked curiously, taking a bite of my pancakes.

“I work at the Joja mart,” he said, and I found myself looking at him frowning.

“I worked at Joja in the city, the jobs there suck,” I responded.

“Really? You must like farming better,” he responded.

“Farming is so much better! It’s a lot of work but it doesn’t suck your soul out like Joja does,” I said, stopping in response to Sam’s laughter. He really had a nice laugh, and it made me happy that I caused it. My cheeks started to warm once more.

“You’re funny, (y/n)!” He said, drinking the last of his cola and handing Gus money for it. “I have to go, so I will talk to you later!” He waved goodbye and walked out of the saloon, and my cheeks were burning from the unexpected compliment.

Once the door closed, Gus said, “so you like Sam, then?”

“Is it really that obvious,” I asked.

“Yes,” Gus and Emily said in unison. I blushed and sighed.

“I really hope Sam can’t tell,” I said, stressfully eating my pancakes.

“He is kind of dense, so you don’t need to worry about that,” Gus said, and I giggled in response.

“That’s a relief,” I said, finishing up the pancakes. “Well, thanks for these! They were delicious.”

“No problem, and they’re on the house today,” He said with a kind smile.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!” Gus said, taking my plate.

“Thank you so much! Have a good night, Gus, Emily,” I said happily, leaving the Saloon.

I walked home with a clearer head, and a good feeling in my heart.

#fanfic #samstardewvalley #stardewvalley #xreader #samxreader

[chiefnooniensingh]

I Won’t Hesitate (for you) Chapter 12

Chapter 12: What is lost will be found (when the truth hunts you down)

In this chapter: The truth.

A/n:  Oh my god guys. Here we are. I'm so nervous about this chapter because I am equally excited and nervous about your reaction to it! After this, there's only an epilogue left. Enjoy, and please let me know what you thought of it!

As always, a special thanks to Aileen (@acomebackstory), Callie (@callieramics), @hm-arn, @royalshadowhunter, @ladymajavader and May (@merlinss) over on Tumblr for their continued support and cheerleading. I don't know if I would've finished it without you guys!

@hmd23 guessed it, last week's chapter title was from Third Eye Blind again. Congratulations!

Can anyone guess this week's?

Also on: ao3

other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

January, 1934

Liz Ortecho, now 23 and wise beyond her years, entered the little cabin she had rented, a newspaper clutched in her hand. They were living just outside of New York, trailing a ghost that refused to be found.

They’d travelled all across the country; starting from New Mexico, they went to San Diego, Sacramento and Seattle, travelling north past the Canadian border, even going so far as Calgary, before returning to the States to follow even the smallest hints of Rosa’s killed.

Five years they’d searched. Five years of barely any food, finding work wherever they could, and constant disappointment. They’d built up a steady network of informants, through a mix of bribery, good Samaritanism and flirting, but apparently Rosa’s murderer instilled fear in the hearts of men. Not many were willing to sell him out. Those who were, quickly dropped off the radar after that.

Liz knew she was being watched. She’d seen the shadows in the corner of her eye, the unremarkable cars in her rear-view mirror. She knew, if she ever got truly close, she’d probably end up dead. But she was determined and so were her travel companions. Rosa’s killer needed to be unmasked, taken off the board, or he’d kill again.

“I have news and you’re not going to like it!” Liz announced as she entered the tiny living room. The other two women immediately joined her at the table. Liz smacked down the paper, pointing at a small article, accompanied by a picture.

The immigrant man Sheriff Valenti had had to let go because of lack of proof. Looking fancy and happy, standing next to an absolutely gorgeous blonde young woman. “That’s him,” her friend said, her voice shaking, “that’s Rosa’s killer.”

“I’m pretty sure, too, yes. Sheriff Valenti was never able to get any proof, but…he’s the only suspect we have. Either we cross him off the list or we get the bastard. Either way, we need to find him.” Liz looked at the picture, her face hardening. “And he just made it extremely easy.”

The headline read:  Oil Mogul Noah Bracken (33) and noted event planner Isobel Evans (25) tie the knot in Malibu.

Liz looked up at her companions, who looked back with the same determination on their face. “Alright, call everybody. Michael, Kyle, my dad…” She felt her lips pull into a sardonic smile. “We’re going to plan a murder.”

Maria and Mimi DeLuca nodded, heading off to pack up their stuff and call the cavalry. Maria had grown up with Rosa, had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. Mimi had taken care of Rosa, and Liz when she came along, for years. When news reached them of Rosa’s disappearance, Mimi had wanted to return immediately. Mr DeLuca’s illness prevented that. When Michael called another few weeks later to tell them Rosa’s body had been found, just days after Mr DeLuca’s own passing…something broke in Mrs DeLuca, and she was never the same again.

Both were extremely determined to hunt down and kill the monster who killed that little girl.

Present day, 22nd of October, 9PM

Alex was standing in front of the passengers that had occupied so much of his mind for the past three days. He looked over all of them, and he wondered why he hadn’t seen it before, why he’d missed all the little things that could’ve tipped him off. He wondered if he was getting rusty.

They were all sitting in the dining carriage, their chairs moved to face Alex, who was standing with his back to door. He had always been able to command a room with just his silence, and now, too, people were waiting for him to speak.

“Thank you for coming,” Alex began, his eyes locking with each of them in turn. Isobel Evans, Max Evans, Beth and Arthur Otto, Kyle Vale, Maria and Mimi DeLuca and…Michael Guerin. All of them liars. All of them trying to hide themselves from him. But the jig was up, the curtain had fallen, and Alex could see clearly now. He continued. “I have a decision to make. I need to decide what to tell the police when we arrive in Paris tomorrow. And I was hoping you all could help me.” He saw the surprise on Michael’s face, and most of them exchanged worried and confused looks.

“We all know there was a murder here on this train. I have been working relentlessly to find out who did it, and after three days of hard searching I have narrowed it down to two theories. I will lay out these two theories before you now.”

Several people shifted in their seats, others smoothed down their clothes. Alex couldn’t help a small, half-smile that played around his lips. “My first theory is as follows. In 1920, Noah Bracken kidnapped and killed Rosa Ortecho in revenge over a workplace dispute with her father, Arturo Ortecho.” Alex let his gaze fall on Mr Otto, who blushed and lowered his eyes. “Rosa was loved by many, and her death instilled a rage in the hearts of those who loved her, none more than in the heart of her sister, Liz Ortecho.” His eyes moved over to Beth, whose eyes were already filled with tears. “So, presumably when she turns 18, Liz sets out to find her sister’s murderer, aided by her sister’s best friend Maria, and the latter’s mother and the Ortechos’ former house maid Mimi DeLuca.” Beth, Maria and Mimi all looked at each other uneasily. “Somehow they find out who Rosa’s killer is. Maybe they saw him on a train. Maybe they read about him in a newspaper. It doesn’t really matter how; they find him anyway. So they bring in the cavalry; Rosa’s father, still grieving for his eldest daughter; Kyle Valenti – ” Kyle shifted in his seat but kept his eyes steadily on Alex, though Alex could see the tears forming in them. “ – the son of the Sheriff who tried to find Rosa’s killer and failed, killing himself with shame of it – ”

Alex took a deep breath and turned his eyes on Michael, who looked at him with clear eyes and an expression of love and acceptance on his face. “ – and finally, Michael Guerin, the boy who took care of the Ortecho sisters when he couldn’t take care of himself. Six people, who all loved and adored Rosa, who all wanted to see justice for her death, a justice the system would never give them.”

“Rosa was the brightest star on this planet,” Liz burst out, tears falling freely down her face now. “She was happy when things got tough, when dad had to work long hours, when mom died. She loved and laughed and lived and that monster took her away from this world.”

Alex merely acknowledged this outbreak with a simple bow of his head, then continued. “So they devise a plan. A plan that would bring them justice for Rosa, that would – if carried out properly – help them get away with murder. It soon becomes clear they can’t get close to him. Noah Bracken has transformed himself from illegal immigrant to an oil mogul; rich, powerful and, in almost every sense of the word, untouchable. So they approach his wife. Isobel Bracken, née Evans, who may have already figured out who her husband really is…”

“He had a box,” Isobel whispered, her voice hoarse, her eyes hard and filled with disgust. “A box filled with newspaper clippings and writing. He boasted about killing that poor girl. Kept track of what the police knew. Disappeared when he needed to. I had unknowingly married a monster.” Max put a hand on hers, and she trailed off again.

Alex continued again, as if he had never been interrupted. “Isobel, having figured out who her husband really is, realizes nobody will believe her. Noah Bracken is rich and powerful, surely he would never harm a child? So when Rosa Ortecho’s loved ones show up with half a plan, she knows the only way out is through; she has to kill her husband. She knows someone in the police department of Roswell, someone with access and credibility and skills. Her own brother Max. This is also presumably how the two siblings find their long, lost brother; by planning a murder.”

“I couldn’t believe it when we suddenly were face to face,” Max muttered, glancing towards his brother. “After searching for so long, to find him in the middle of this awful tragedy.”

“So now the group is 8, and they need a plan. A plan that can help them get away with murder. A plan so intricate that even the most brilliant minds would have a hard time finding the truth.”

“Such modesty,” Michael muttered with a small smile, and despite everything, the group chuckled.

Alex smiled, too, but continued. “And then, a window of opportunity. Noah Bracken has a meeting in Istanbul with other big oil companies, and Isobel manages to convince him that they should make this a little holiday. Fly to Istanbul, spend a few days there, and taking the scenic route back; the Orient Express. A little…second honeymoon, as it were. What reason would Noah Bracken have to doubt his loving wife? She’s an exceptional actress and has not once slipped up in her façade of loving him, though she has known, at that point, for a long time. So, they come together to plan the perfect murder.”

Alex started pacing slowly up and down the dining carriage, his leg already twinging, but biting through the pain, nonetheless. He needed to get through it, he needed to know their reactions to his theory. “Isobel has her own income from her business, so she buys out an entire car on the Orient Express, two for her and her husband, and 6 for the remaining group. Michael gets a job at the Compagnie, getting himself stationed aboard the Istanbul-Paris line. There needs to be a minimum appearance of foul play. Coincidences is where they hope to confuse and befuddle anyone who tries to look closer. Simply coincidence that Isobel’s brother is on the train. Simply coincidence that the Ortechos’ house maid and her daughter are on board. Coincidences hide facts more completely than people think. This group of avengers realize this.” Alex looked at all of them in turn. Liz was still silently crying, with her head on her father’s shoulder, who in his turn looked stricken, almost sick. Mimi and Maria were sitting straight-backed, staring right at him, almost challenging him to continue. Kyle stared at his hands. Michael merely looked at Alex, an expression of pure wonder and awe on his face.

It almost made Alex falter.

“They needed a weapon that would also be a coincidence. The knife Michael always carried with him, because it reminded him of his first great love.” They locked eyes and for the first time, a single tear escaped Michael’s eyes. Alex’s heart ached. “And so they plan, first finding the perfect time to commit the murder. Kyle has medical training, and he knows that cold decreases body temperature faster than usual. So the time of death needs to be when the train passes through the coldest regions; the Alps. The decreased body temperature will not only throw off the time of death to a time that coincides with a brief stop and will provide alibis for them all. For who is awake at 3 the morning? Isobel starts taking sleep medication, weeks, maybe even months in advance, complaining of insomnia to her doctor who is fooled – again, she is a terrific actress – so that she cannot be the murderer; she was asleep, heavily medicated, so how could she possibly have killed her husband?”

Alex stopped for a moment to prop himself up on a table, unable to take the twinge in his leg any longer. “And so, on the morning of the 19th of October, 6 seemingly random people board the Orient Express, pretending not to know each other, knowing they are stepping into a closed environment with a murderer. In the evening, either Isobel or Michael put a sedative in Noah Bracken’s evening tea.”

“I did that,” Isobel said, her voice strong. She looked hardened and sure of herself, a stark comparison to the shocked and traumatized girl Alex had seen that first morning. “Michael brought the tea, but I put the Barbital in his drink. I knew if he woke up at any point, he would be able to fight back and win. He was a terrifying man, Mr Manes.”

Alex inclined his head. “At 4AM that night, everybody sneaks towards the Brackens’ cabin. Every one of these people has a reason to want Noah Bracken dead. So instead of just one person committing this murder, the knife Michael brought exchanges hands. This has the added benefit of thoroughly confusing any coroner examining the body, because not one of the stab wounds has the same depth and patterns. So every single one of the hurt and grieving people takes a stab at Noah Bracken’s chest, ending his life like he ended Rosa’s, justice finally done, Rosa’s spirit finally at peace.” Alex took a breath, examining the faces of the people in front of him. Liz and Arturo were quietly sobbing, Max holding Liz’s hand tightly. Michael’s face was wet as well, but a small smile played around his lips, too. Kyle was white as a sheet, his face taut with emotion. Maria and Mimi were holding each other’s hands tightly, their knuckles turning white. Isobel just stared at Alex, an open challenge. Alex let them all absorb the information he had laid out so far.

After a minute or two, he cleared his throat. “Now there was one thing none of them counted on. Passenger number nine. The unknown variable. I believe they tried to fill it with someone they trusted, a Miss Cameron. But she never showed up, so the cabin was given to a man who had already tried to get a ticket to Paris, but failed. Me. When the group realized a renowned private detective had somehow gotten aboard the train and straight into their meticulously planned out murder, I believe they panicked. Maybe they tried to blow the whole plan off, to try again at a later date. But they knew this was their one shot. So they went through with the plan. I think Michael was supposed to be my distraction, an actual coincidence that we had known each other in a previous life. He’d always been rather good at that, and maybe he was supposed to be that again. And it worked. For a while.”

“In the end, it was you who distracted me,” Michael said, with a shrug. “Long enough to understand that you are more important to me than anything in this world.”

Alex’s heart twisted in the best way, but he ignored it and continued on. “The group tried everything to throw sand in my face. The fake identification papers were a stroke of brilliance. The broken timeclock. Even stabbing Liz. I presume that was your doing, doctor Valenti.” Kyle inclined his head. “I still don’t understand the placement of the half-burned newspaper clipping, though – ”

“ – that was Noah’s doing,” Isobel interrupted, shrugging. “When he realized you were on board, he burned all his memorabilia he always carried with him, so you couldn’t inadvertently catch him. You scared him, Mr Manes. And my husband didn’t scare easy.” She gave him an impressed smile.

Alex inclined his head towards her slightly. “In the end, I realized I should’ve seen it before. Should’ve realized who each and every one of you was. I think Michael’s distraction worked beautifully. If only it had worked a little longer.” He let a silence fall, the group digesting Alex’s words slowly. Michael reached over and squeezed Alex’s hand. Alex squeezed back.

The silence stretched between them all, as each tried to compose themselves. After a few minutes, when even Kyle had lifted his head to look Alex in the eye again, Alex pushed himself off the table and went back to the middle of the room, facing all of them. “It’s the most plausible theory I have, it is true. But it is not bulletproof. While I have uncovered every identity, I have not a single shred of proof.”

“You said you had another theory?” Michael said, sharpest of them all, the love of his life, and Alex smiled.

“I do. After I lay out this theory, each and every one of us is going to have to make a choice. A choice that we will have to live with, one way or another.”

“Share it with us, Alex,’ Liz said, wiping her nose on her sleeve and looking up at him, trust in her eyes. She trusted him still, after all this.

Alex inclined his head. “Noah Bracken was murdered at 3AM when we were stopped in Vinkovci. An unknown assassin slipped on board this train while the conductor was making his scheduled telephone call, killed Noah Bracken in his sleep and locked the door to incriminate his sleeping wife. Then he slipped out through the window, which he left open, and disappeared into the night.”

A stunned silence fell in the dining carriage. Everyone was staring at Alex, then at each other and then back at Alex. Alex knew it was the simplest theory of all the ones he’d run through his head, and the one that had the least chance of ever being proven wrong. “Are you…are you serious?” Isobel said, leaning forward and staring up at Alex. “That’s…that’s your other theory? After you spend 20 minutes explaining your first one?”

“The simplest theories are often the truest, Ms Evans,” Alex said with a small smile that made Michael chuckle. “Every investigator knows this.”

“But in this case…” Liz started, but Alex held up a hand.

“In this case, I am faced with a choice. A choice of what I will tell the French police that will be waiting for me in Paris. If I choose option 1, you will all go to trial for murder. You may get off, since the theory I have is merely a theory. But your lives as you know it will be over. I will have to live with putting the man I love and good people to whom bad things have happened, behind bars.” Alex swallowed thickly. “If I choose option 2, you all walk away from this, and we will all have to live the rest of our lives knowing the truth. You will have to live with blood on your hands. And I will have to live with letting murderers walk free.”

Alex put his hands in his pockets as he looked at all of them. They were all looking at him, scared, afraid of his judgement, of his choice. But Alex shook his head. “I cannot make this decision alone. This is going to affect all of us. So we are all going to make a choice. And whatever we decide, that decision will haunt us for the rest of our lives.”

A stunned silence followed that. Alex looked at them all in turn, ending on Michael’s face which was filled with love and hurt and fear, mixed with just a tiny hint of pride.

“So,” Alex said, “what’s it going to be?”