#[ this has been very useful information to share xDD ]

[despairforme]

[kezibun]

Mages and hybrids?

Thought of a cool way to share my au headcannons XDD.

Enjoy this little story.

Disclaimer this is my Au’s history, all of it is made up ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~

You were just sitting in the living room with your favourite gaggle of skeletons flicking through channels on tv when something caught everyone’s attention.

‘monsters, mages? and hybrids?’ written above the two reporters.

“Next on our groundbreaking discoveries segment, some interesting findings on possibilities of mages and some of the history of it all.” said one.

“Over to an esteemed archaeologist Maxwell Digger in the Egyptian tombs, over to you Max.” The other chimes.

The screen changes to a dog monster.

“Thank you, Celia and Jenna, I’m here in the tomb of Bala Hamra, a great Egyptian king to show you something we recently found that is completely new. This discovery is all thanks to Penjani and Rutendo our resident monster couple here on the site. Tell us what happened.”

The camera pans over to a dragon-like monster and human.

“Well, you see we were just examining the wall over here for more secrets about this Pharaoh.” they walk through a sandstone corridor.

“You see,” the other continues. “This tomb unlike others has a lack of history or legends.”

Max interrupts popping his head in frame. “That was until now.”

“Yes until the wall we were researching glowed and opened up before us into a secrete room.”

They show the highly decorated room, carvings and paintings over the walls ceiling and floor. A depiction of the pharaoh, a skeleton monster and his human queen.

The camera goes back to Max. “Our team has then spent months researching, translating and deciphering the story this room holds. It speaks of mages and hybrids, it starts like this.”

Text appears on the screen as he reads.

The boys around you are all intently listening, even those who were reading or otherwise occupied.

‘In case time does decay the knowledge of today, a description is needed, they are said to be part soul of monster and heart of human this must be heeded. A hybrid you see in the form of a monster they will be. But mage should mostly become human on the outside. These rules you must abide. For royal of empire northward a hybrid, and south a mage the ruler should be made. If does a rise a pure half that is one who may switch from form of human or monster at will? a choice may be weighed. This is how it shall be so human and monster peace they keep. This peace is all we shall need to seek.’

“That’s all we have at the moment handing back to you.”

The screen switches back to the two reporters as in the studio.

“Thank you Maxwell Digger for your report.”

“We have some more information from the royal science institution on this matter. Would you play this recorded report for us, Jenna?”

“I absolutely can, This is a report straight from the head Royal scientist W.D Gaster.”

A few of the boys either roll their eyes or huff at the mention of that name.

“A report on mages and hybrids, with this new discovery in Egypt in mind. There have been some findings that many humans and monsters have a mixed heritage, although and in some humans with enough monster in them may awaken almost mage like traits the biggest being magic use, we’ve found these attributes are awoken more frequently in humans spending time with monsters more often and eating monster-food. In fact, since humans have been more accepted in monster communities there was a 50% increase of magic using humans, and since the ban on humans eating monster-food was lifted two decades ago there has been a 30% futher increase in mages. We actually believe only a very small percentage of beings are pure monster or human, since through history there have been findings like in the tomb of Bala Hamra that show hybrids and mages were once prevalent through the ages of our history. It is of course harder to tell a hybrid apart from a monster than it is a mage from a human, but it will be interesting to see how things change with monster and human mateships being more accepted and frequent. What does the future bring? We’ll have to see.”

“A big thank you to the head royal scientist for that insight. Now, what do we have next to report Cilia?”

“Well you’ll never guess what, there is a little tension between our beloved royal siblings.”

“Oh, how so?”

“Well, it seem-”

The screen goes black.

A moment of silence falls on the room… there’s a lot of thinking going on right now.

[nollatooru]

I don't know who to talk about it with but I think you really have tons of knowledge of the canon so my question is... Do you think Kazama probably inspired himself with some martial arts heroes? 🤔 BEFORE YOU SAY IT'S A CRACK, HERE'S AN EXPLANATION. In anime and the routes I played, he constantly makes live-action moves (like banging Heisuke's head into ground and counting lmao, I shouldn't have laughed but failed) and not to mention he actually always kicks everyone - both MC and boys xDD

Hi I’m glad to you came to talk :) This got little long so here’s my short input

and longer under the cut :)

That sounds quite logical conclusion to be honest. I don’t remember all the fights or mentions of Kazama’s fighting skills in Hakuouki but there’s a lot of mentions like these:

Basically they’re telling us between the lines that Kazama is not especially skilled swordsman. He’s strong, dude’s literally a demon and that’s why he’s giving Shinsengumi such a hard time. Most of the main guys can fight just barely even with him because they actually have very good swordmanship skills. I don’t mean to say that Kazama doesn’t know how to fight, it’s obvious he does, but on skill-wise he seems to be more on average side. Which makes perfect sense, why would he be super skilled when he already has super strength? It’s not like he has to fight other oni and even raretsu are generally below him.

Let me here share this one link about Hakuouki’s battle stances, it doesn’t include Kazama but note how he also wieds the sword one handed, and also on unpractical position, which I think shows both his strenght and arrogance.

https://tokio-fujita.tumblr.com/post/78376618406/quick-pic-of-battle-stances-in-hakuouki-yes

If we think about how Kazama acted when he lost his upperhand in fight with rasetsu Hijikata, he just got himself a better sword but I don’t think he ever changed his fighting style (apart from being more maniac but that probably doesn’t count). Kazama obviously doesn’t have the same kind of passion to swordfighting as Shinsengumi’s men do, who put their whole life on their swords. And like you said he seems to like kicking stuff more than Shinsengumi’s fighters, so it’s more like he just does whatever he likes than any particular style, be it sword or feet or fist. Which again makes sense since Kazama’s an Oni-Lord, not a samurai to the begin with.

Then taking into account his somewhat narcissist nature and pride, he would prefer looking as an Oni-Lord should and execute his fights in suitable manner for one. Therefore I could definitely see him mimicking some cool looking fighter, his teacher or father or whoever taught him to fight in the first place. Maybe said mentors even purposely made him fight such way?

So finally to answer to your question, yes I do think Kazama’s fighting style is probably inspired by moves he simply thinks are cool. I guess my only kinda nitpick would be were there famous martial arts heroes going around in Edo period from whom Kazama could get inspired by? Would he allow himself to be inspired by some human anyway? He definitely wasn’t inspired by Okita who’s said to be the best swordsman at the time. But if you mean martial arts heroes as his tutors/precessors then there wouldn’t be any problem.

Lastly I’m flattered that you think highly of my canon knowledge but I don’t think I have even close to all information there’s out there, at least on this subject. I have this feeling that somewhere in the games there has been said something about Kazama’s fighting more directly and I remember long time ago seeing here a post talking about Kazama’s sword skills but I don’t remember where anymore :/ So please everyone who remembers/knows/has more input to this matter please share, there could be some important details I’m missing.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

hey! I got permission to share some of the opinions from the "LO can burn in Tartarus" Tumblr group chat. I liked some of them very much and wanted to share with the world! (coming in next ask)

note: in some of them I will add my personal opinion, so it’s not *exactly* how the members of the gc wrote them (unless I put quotation marks). If anyone wants to clarify their opinion or ask for it to be deleted feel free to!

1) The characters don't look like the Greek gods (clothing/appearance-wise) but like characters from Inisde Out.

2) "I don't care how much of a 'gentleman' you are LO Hades, but it's never ok to just take a (dead drunk) girl home when you could have sent her back to her friends whom you have seen her come to the party with"

3) Disappointment at the lack of interactions between mortals and gods. How are we supposed to know Persephone cares about the mortals if the only time we have seen her talking to them is before her rage moment?

4) adding to the previous one: we also didn’t get the chance to see good humans. The humans who enraged Persephone pushed her! What human would see a deity and treat her like that?? It doesn't make sense and it paints humans as ignorant.

5) We would like to see the gods doing THEIR ACTUAL JOBS. There are some scenes where Persephone and Demeter are in the fields and use their powers but what about the rest? I just have the sense that everyone is supposed to do some vague work around there. And because of the setting and narrative choices, we don’t get a sense of how grand and IMPORTANT TO THE WORLD the gods are.

Another person added “they seem to rely a bit too much on technology than their own powers”

“They’re just normies with powers,” someone else said and, honestly, YES

6) Speaking about the setting: “There’s so much more you can do with this other than generic cities and modern aesthetics! We don't even get to see what modern Olympus is actually like.”

7) “I have more sympathy for the workers and the college kids Hades mistreats and underpays than a couple moments where he feels sad about Persephone for some reason”

8) - “Does Persephone actually give or do anything for Hades other than providing companionship?” - “That and eye candy”

9) “Did anyone else felt creeped out when Hades asked if Peresphone could grow big again? I left thought he wanted her to be like his mom for a hot second”

_______________________________________________ [END OF ASK]

Very interesting opinions! I laughed out loud reading some 😂 Lemme comment on some:

5) We don’t see Zeus and Hades managing stuff and generally, working. It’s not that we like reading about characters doing paperwork but some insight into what they prioritize in the workplace would be nice

-- and the technology aspect... I hadn’t thought about it! They are gods, they could potentially communicate just with thoughts and it would be more interesting than texting. Why would they bother with technology when they can store information with their powers? What is the appeal of doing paperwork??

7) It’s hard to empathize, especially because he is shown in a good light!

8) aka “Persephone has low market value” (sorry, I have been burning my brain cells with trashy videos from PUAs lately 😂😂)

9) OOOMG NOOO!!! WHY DID YOU PUT THAT THOUGHT IN MY MIND?? Imagine if the comic revolves around a different fetish than the one we thought xDD (admittedly, a better plot twist than Persephone’s rage)

[marumafan]

Hi! I’ve been reading your KKM analyses, and I absolutely love them, most especially the YUURAM ones! Can you do some detailed ones on Love Letters and Crossheart too? Please, please?!

Hi @celinelean​!

Of course! I'm having a day and may not be drawing, so why not?

Also to everyone who likes analyses/discussions, you can always leave some questions/requests in my mailbox if there's anything you're interested in. I'll try my best.

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Love Letter

"Love Letter" was Takabayashi-sensei's first new short story in about 6 years. The first part features Yuuri and Wolfram writing sweet stuff about one another.

The excuse of being 'from Greta's point of view for her homework' gave them both the excuse to express their true feelings.

(Now a cultural point here: The more I live in Japan the more I notice people never tell you the truth about anything. They either don't say anything and let you know 'in some way' or you never find out. A fan of maruma I once met, who could speak English, thanked me for continuing to talk about a topic even after we had disagreed at some point about something. She said people who disagree in Japan simply drop the topic XDD . True story. XD They avoid talking about 'truths' in general. So I feel like this whole keeping your true feelings hidden is a very Japanese thing (which is the target audience for maruma, don't forget). So in this story, both Yuuri and Wolf can express their feelings for one another.)

As for the things they like about each other:

The first thing Yuuri sees that Wolf has written in the cards was some compliment about his awesome black hair. But when Yuuri asks if he should write about Wolf's appearance "How good looking he is" " How his green eyes are like gemstones", "How even his eyelashes are blonde", Wolf's like "Of course not, that's not something Greta cares about".  (Wolfie, never change. XD)

Wolf also writes: "How well he gets along with his spouse" which really shows along with his entire demeanor during this story, that even though there's no official title, he really thinks of himself as already married to Yuuri.

Yuuri then writes:  "He never abandons his PARTNER" Again, this is a word you use for people you're romantically involved with, but in a more 'earthly' slang. This reminded me of the Seisa arc when, during the bed scene, Yuuri mentions how happy he is to have Wolf there.

He writes another 12 good things about Wolfram, and he mentions that "his left cheek was hot due to the flames of the fire" , implying his right cheek was blushed due to what he was writing. So he's putting in there things that make him blush.

Yuuri asks then if they will get these cards back, and Wolfram assures him that yes they will. Yuuri:"So that we can read them many times and remember how much Greta likes us."

Wolfram: "Of course"

Meaning: Yuuri:  "So that I can read many times all the wonderful things you really think about me?" Wolf: "Of course"

However, Yuuri tells Wolf about the futility of having the cards, when you have the other person right there living with you. Yuuri says" Even without something like this, I'm sure that the feelings would be conveyed, "  (XDD see this is what I'm talking about! This Japanese mentality of ‘expressing in some way without words’ what you feel)

BUT! this is when Wolf says that in that case, the cards would be more useful to remember people who live apart from you.

So Yuuri's 20th thing he likes about Wolfram is " He tells me things straight to the point".

This means, it's Wolfram who pretty much tells Yuuri to go visit Conrad and have him write stuff about him, cuz he's not living in the castle and so that Yuuri won't miss him.

Wolfram asks if Yuuri's going out. Yuuri says yes. Wolfram's last card says: How honest he is. Yuuri's last card says: How kind he is.

And I mean, damn! If this isn't yuuram af, I don't know what is.

Second part is what was introduced in the first part, Yuuri goes to visit Conrad, he's living above Jozak's bar in a cold, dirty room. And Conrad writes and gives him the card about Yuuri, and it 'warms Yuuri's heart'.

-----------------------------------------------

Comments on Love Letter: I used to think this was a lot more conyuu than it is, but re-reading it and seeing that it was all Wolfram's idea to begin with (and Yuuri knows it was Wolfram's idea), it really shows that strong relationship between Wolfram and Yuuri and includes Conrad's current situation (not living in the castle) as a trigger for getting in a little conyuu in the story and making those fans happy.

You see this 'conyuu afterthought to please the fans' in the first two stories she wrote after the break "Love Letter" and "Lame star Wars". After that, they're all yuuram centric stories. And before the break, they were very much so as well.

It's very clear in everything Takabayashi sensei writes, that she really likes her main couple, and had always planned for them to end up together.

------------------------------------------------

Crossheart 

This is an older story (2010ish), even if it was only published as an extra for the omnibus release in July 2013, and it was also used as part of drama cd 70 released in January 2013. But the contents of this story are the origin of another story published in 2011, so it must have been written before that. (EDIT: I found the original information at Ray Clover: CROSSHEART IS FROM APRIL 2006! (file: asuka1302). It was published as a mobile story, and republished as an extra in the omnibus re-release! )

The title: Although it could be a combination of crossword and heart, like hearts crossing/intertwining; or crossword and the last word of the puzzle" kokoro->heart",   I like to think that sensei, knowing a bit of English based it on the phrase: "Cross my heart and hope to die"; as in 'a promise' -> which is the topic of this story. 

Then the intro line starts with "That day, there was a strong wind blowing since morning, so I couldn't really go outside."  This line, much like the title of novel 4, has the concept of 'wind blowing' that makes reference to the proverb 「明日は明日の風が吹く」`Ashita ha ashita no kaze ga fuku'. Tomorrow, tomorrow's wind will blow. Which means something like "there's no point in thinking ahead" or "What comes next is up to life". Whenever sensei writes that enigmatic first line, it usually carries a lot of meaning and foreshadows what is to come.

The story starts with Yuuri and Wolfram alone at the office. Some event is taking place and everyone but them is busy. Yuuri is doing a crossword and struggling. Wolfram finally gets closer to see what's bothering him.

The first hint for the crossword, is 'a pet name for children'. Wolfram then remembers his mother used to call him Honey-chan (Hachimitsu chan). Yuuri immediately likes the name and says "Maybe I too will start calling you that from now on, honey-chan."

(Additional info: In MisePan2, 2011, Wolfram gets angry at being called honey-chan, because "Yuuri is younger than him" so he has no right to call him something that older people call younger people. Clearly, "Crossheart" where Yuuri discovers Wolfram's pet name comes chronologically before Misepan2. So we can pinpoint that Crossheart was written before 2011, maybe it was even a failed attempt at Misepan2. Misepan 2 came out with the last DVD box, which was delayed a year due to circumstances with Takabayashi sensei. We know this because in the afterword of Misepan2 , the author says: "I really can't apologize enough for this.... I honestly apologize to all of you for keeping you waiting. I'm really sorry for the inconveniences I caused to all the parties I kept waiting for this." So sensei apologizes and blames herself for the delay of the last DVD box. This might have been due to her health issues, which she only mentioned once, in 2010. EDIT: I found the original information at Ray Clover: CROSSHEART IS FROM APRIL 2006! (file: asuka1302). It was published as a mobile story, and republished as an extra in the omnibus re-release!)

The second hint for his crossword was the name of a famous mouse, so of course Yuuri is thinking Micky, since the last letters are cky. But it turns out to be "Rocky" a famous mouse character. So there's a legend that small animals, like mice, squirls, rabbits and even birds can see spirits. And this particular mouse is said to deliver messages from the dead to their families.

This triggers Yuuri to ask a question to Wolf: "What would you do, if I never returned?". Wolfram asks him to clarify what he meant. And Yuuri asks: Would you cry? To which Wolf says: I wouldn't. At first Yuuri is a little hurt by the cold answer, like you wouldn't miss me? But Wolfram explains, of course he'd miss Yuuri but he wouldn't cry. Because if he did, Yuuri wouldn't be able to live a happy life back on earth. Wolfram's promise of not crying so Yuuri could be happy, left Yuuri speechless and then he noticed the word that was formed vertically in the crossword.

The hint for that word: "What you use to share your feelings with your partner."

The word is never specifically said, but in the drama cd it's "ko-ko-ro" -> heart. Which would also circle back to the "heart" in crossheart.

------------------------------------------------

Comment on Crossheart:  This story as well as its natural continuation, Misepan2, are very yuuram oriented.  Do you want an exorcism, another contemporary story of these two, is also largely yuuram. And the same goes for all of sensei’s work including the very last doujinshi. 

I also want to point out the pet name she chose: Hachimitsuchan. Again, I may be over reaching, but she has enough English knowledge to know “Honey” is something you call children AND your significant other. The fact that Wolfram eventually gets angry at it, adds to the comedy of errors, which is one of the underlying tropes in maruma. Yuuri’s sweet words are generally misinterpreted by Wolfram.

I've been saying this for years. Takabayashi-sensei has liked this couple from the very beginning and has been building their relationship for novels on end. Every story she's written, shows them happy and together. The very last one even has them married with Wolfram wondering if Yuuri would want more 'wives' (as in, what about the other ships?) and Yuuri assuring Wolf he only wants him (no other ships are sailing from this port).

People who ship Yuuri with other characters aren't basing themselves on novel canon, which is fine, of course! But the novel canon is yuuram. Note: I use yuuram as a word to denote the relationship between Yuuri and Wolfram, also because it’s shorter than royal couple. I’m NOT talking about ‘who’s top’ in the relationship. I feel like this whole ‘top’ bottom’ talk is so 90s, we should get over it, much like Takabayashi-sensei herself has expressed she doesn’t care about that whole ‘top’ ‘bottom’ thing. 

[gilmesc1]

Do you have any thoughts on fictional portrayals of DID, like danganronpa, spl!t, and others?

Yes, I usually would take time to do research but lucky for you I already did XD

I looked into Danganronpa a while ago since we have 1 or 2 system mates from it, and in that case, prepare yourselves for a hot mess of my opinion and facts I got from a google fest.

So, to start out, I guess I might share spoilers?? So you hath been warned. Additionally I’m not going to sit here and rephrase the entire story so, honestly why am I even explaining this. Anon at least knows what’s going on XDD

So Danganronpa is a psychological mystery anime that focuses heavily on the themes of hope and despair, where in most versions of the story characters are forced into a killing game where they have to kill each other. Bet you couldn’t have figured that one out on your own XD

One thing I like about it is that the characters overall are written fairly well. Many of them are complex multi layered gems of writing with good development and story arcs. One thing that I found interesting is the semi accurate portrayals of mental illness and how it impacts the characters in this insane situation.

So, let’s break into that. I focused on the portrayals of NPD and DID specifically, and I could go back and look into others, but we’ll focus on those for this post. And just going to throw this out now, I think it’s interesting and also kind of a bold move to tackle those kinds of things in an anime.

So let’s look at the DID portrayal. The character’s name is Toko Fukawa, and she is a fucking wreck. Confirmed emotional abuse gives a lot into her character, and we see her as this timid, deflective, honestly broken shell. Later in the series we are introduced to her alternate personality, I know, exciting.

However it’s a literal serial killer. So like. Yeah.

I don’t love that part. I mean, out of all of the portrayals for this alter, you had to go with serial killer? And not only that, but a really famous, generally acknowledged as insane serial killer. Thaaaanks writer.

To recap what a lot of tumblr says, this kind of portrayal is dangerous because the majority of DID portrayals are of crazy violent stereotypes. It was quite honestly disappointing, and I wish that the writers hadn’t used this as their big reveal.

But hey, neutral standing here, let’s look at why he did do that from a different perspective. Since the theme of the game/anime is killing, it does make sense plot wise to have a serial killer. Additionally, it’s a clever way to get said serial killer into the game in the first place. Plot wise and with a few things I’ll mention in a second, it does make sense in a twisted way.

But let’s get the bad out of the way first. One thing I really don’t love is her appearance. It’s like someone took the original character design of fukawa, took some drugs, and then drew a nightmare creature. Seriously, there’s crazy eyes, hair flying everywhere, and this freaky inhuman tongue that the alter has out no matter what she’s doing. Like whaaaaaat the fuck.

Firstly this spreads misinformation that we can change appearance at will. Like don’t get me wrong, I wish I could, but the best I got is changing clothes if I have the time. Also the tongue I really hate because it gives the impression of the alter being this inhuman monster. Also again with the impression that we can morph stuff when we switch. I mean, if I had that, I’d be having a lot more fun in my day to day life than I do now.

Do what you will with that information.

Additionally we do see Fukawa’s tongue, and it’s not a weird demogorgon kind of thing, so, yeah, the tongue thing is weird.

Finally her name. It’s Genocider Syo/Jack/Jill. Not a normal name, no the only name we have for her is her serial killer name which I feel serves to continue to show her as this inhuman thing where we all go, Oh god oh fuck time to be afraaaaid.

But hey, let’s look at what they did right.

The backstory of how genocider came to be is really accurate to how it works. Fukawa has a history of abuse at a young age, and genocider eventually comes into the picture to protect her.

Let me explain: So this is a theory on my part (Check out Weeby Newz’s youtube video, that’s where I got this) but Fukawa was revealed to have suffered massive emotional abuse at the hands of a boy who she had romantic interest in. Since he was moving away, she decided to confess her love to him in a letter before this happened. Turns out the boy pinned the letter in her classroom so everyone would make fun of her. Dick move.

I think genocider formed after this specific event, firstly because this is a huge defining experience for Fukawa. Additionally, the way genocider acts serves to prove this. Her target victims are boys, and her first victim was the boy who hurt Fukawa. I mean yeah, killing was waaaay extreme, but bear with me on this next part:

I’d say that genocider is a protector. A lot of her initial actions were to protect Fukawa from getting hurt in the same way, and protectors do have a history of going to the extreme to protect their hosts and systems. Even though she seems like a persecutor, I don’t think any of her actions have been directed at herself and Fukawa, they actually seem to have a decent relationship, and to end this theory that is completely non canon and just me pretending I’m smart, I’d call her a protector.

Next, looking at the relationship they have. Genocider at one point tells the protagonist that they have a “non disclosure policy” when they switch when the other is in the middle of something. (like murder??) And I personally really liked this, as it was a kind of realistic DID humor in my eyes. Take it or leave it, that’s my opinion.

And that’s really all I have on that behalf. Genocider really isn’t shown as a “normal person” often, which I guess is the point but also leaves me with nothing to evaluate. (Side note, this is only V1 of the series and I’m aware she changes but dear god go easy on me)

Finally, here are a few things that I find a little weird tbh.

At first glance when they switch, it’s a touch accurate, if over dramatic. Losing consciousness and coming to as a different alter is possible so I do like that, however they also have her constantly switching when sneezing, which is a little out there.

I mean, I think I’ve done that before, but for it to be a consistent theme, idk. Maybe overdramatized again.

Secondly, there is a voice change, which is accurate, but it really just serves to fit the crazy image, so I’m conflicted on that.

So that is really all I can say on that specifically, to end things I’m going to talk about one other character Fukawa has interactions with, Togami. (He has a first name but I can’t spell/remember it.)

So I gravitated towards him while watching the series because he reminds me of me, hence me saying that he seems to be a dead ringer for npd. Let me explain.

He’s very cold and distant from others and obviously feels superior, additionally he is willing to fight tooth and nail to consistently be on top and win in any situation, leading to him doing some fucked up things.

But like I feel for him. It’s like watching me XD

His past was a very competitive cuthroat environment, where he was taught that losing is worse than death. Additionally he was almost groomed to be this untouchable figure so it’s no surprise that he believes that. I might make a second post about him because there’s a lot more I can say, but I’m going to double back to Fukawa now.

So Fukawa gains a very unhealthy obsession with Togami, despite him wanting literally nothing to do with her. He’s verbally abusive to her and does go out of his way to attack her, but she thinks it’s a sign of love. Poor Fukawa.

This also kind of fits with NPD, because we can have some pretty gravitating personalities. I think the attraction has a lot to do with Fukawa’s mental state, but I just found it interesting that the emotional abuse victim gravitates to Togami of all people.

So I brought him up for that above thought I had, and also to compare this last point. So Fukawa was confirmed to have DID, like it was specifically stated. To my knowledge it was never stated that Togami has NPD, but I strongly assume that he does. (key word assume, I could be wrong.)

So I found it interesting that Togami has this very accurate portrayal of NPD without ever confirming that he has NPD, while Fukawa is specifically confirmed to have DID while having a semi accurate portrayal. I think the writer really wanted to include mental illness in his story line and I doubt he intended anything to be intentionally harmful.

Writing mental illness into a story is very very very tricky, and it’s practically impossible to satisfy everyone, but the fact that he did do it is in my opinion, very bold.

He made good and less good choices, but overall he did make very compelling characters. Genocider admittedly fits better in this plotline as a crazy killer than she would as a realistic alter, but this is fiction.

So final statements: Toko Fukawa is not a bad character. I like a lot about her and overall I think she is very well written. Genocider is very less developed and more of a surprise plot twist than a character, which is unrealistic. The writer made some very awkward choices from a realistic standpoint despite it fitting well with his story.

So overall, she really isn’t a good portrayal of DID. You can enjoy her character like I did, but the main takeaway here is to not take her as a realistic portrayal. I know it seems obvious but this is the kind of thing that forms unhealthy ideas in viewers.

I’m not hating on Danganronpa or Toko, I actually really loved both. I’ve tried to stop ranting about fictional works that I hate. I used to be a loose fucking canon but I realized that I had been bashing a few autistic friend’s special interests, so now I try to be hyper aware that a fictional work might mean everything to someone even if I personally disliked it.

But that isn’t the case here because again I loved Danganronpa XD

So friends, that about does it for me. I liked doing this kind of analysis so if you want me to do more, send them my way XD

My next post will probably be the syscourse analysis if I can get that done before I get an easier topic. So thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, thank you for the ask anon.

And I’m now out of words. You all should be happy. XD

[popopretty]

BSD Chapter 70

Chapter Name is “Prison Break - the second half”.

Now that I hope everyone has calmed down about Dazai’s new unlocked skill set, this is my monthly wordy chapter writeup. I really enjoyed this month’s chapter and I hope you will too.

Please keep in mind that neither English nor Japanese is my native language so I might, and I do make mistakes here and there. Please let me know if you have any doubts or questions regarding the writeup ^^

SPOILERS AHEAD (AND IT IS SUPER LONG!)

- Ango’s troop saw the shadow of Atsushi’s group entering the one of the open safe and closing the door. They approached the closed safe and broke themselves in. However, Atsushi group is nowhere to be found. Ango used his ability but couldn’t sense any traces of someone using abilities.

- Meanwhile, Atsushi group was able to escape outside. The trick was simple. They let Ango see someone enter the safe and close the door but it was just Yasha Shirayuki. The three of them actually hid in the safe next to it, the one that is wide open. And then Kyouka just cancelled off Yashashirayuki and they managed to escape while everyone was focusing on the empty safe. It was a simple psychological trick. Atsushi praised Oguri to come up with such great idea and Oguri remembered how Yozomizu taught him about that in the past. He wonder if Yozomizu has always been there, with his locked room mystery.

- The group planned to get into the sewerage underground pathway to find a car and run away later. But was caught up by Ango who shot Atsushi and Kyouka with anethestic. Atsushi begged Ango to believe in him, that the ADA is not guilty and that if it’s Ango he would understand. Ango said that the only thing that only him could understand is thing that he could see by his ability. He showed Atsushi the money they have used to escape in the previous chapter, and revealed that his ability is “to see the remaining memories left in objects”. Through that he was able to see their escape route. Kyouka then remembers that Ranpo once mentioned that there is a “memory reader” inside the government and figured out that must be Ango. Ango pointed the gun at Atsushi saying that for a member of government’s secret association like him, to “believe in” the enemies is a joke he can’t even laugh at.

- To Atsushi’s surprise, Ango didnt shoot him but instead push them into the underground pathway. He told the other soldiers that the group has run away using an unidentified ability. He then looked down and smiled to Atsushi saying that by doing so Fyodor will think they are really going against each other.

- Later, Ango took everyone from the scene by his car. Atsushi asked if he actually believed what Atsu said, to which Ango answered that he had known it from the start. He revealed that he was the one who sent Dazai’s message to the screen to save Fitz earlier. He has been the “middleman” for Dazai from the start. In order to prevent prisoners from escaping from Mersault, they have implanted a sensor into the prisoners’ bodies to record their heart rates and stuff. Taking advantages of that, Dazai has manipulated his heart rate to have it recorded as numbers that Ango can access by government authorities and decode them. About controlling one’s heart rate, Ango said it is something only Dazai can pull off.

- Oguri didn’t believe Ango and doubted the reasons why Ango had to do all of those tricks. Ango said it is because he does not know if there is Fyodor’s spy somewhere. He also explained that he does not belong to No.7 Association, and that was a lie made up by Fyodor to prevent Oguri and Ango to meet up and talk.

- Ango took everyone to Lucy’s room because it is safe to talk there. Atsushi asked why Montgomery knew Ango. Then Ango said she came to the Police office and made a fuss there with a pile of hand-written documents claiming that Atsushi was not guilty. Lucy was super embarrassed while Atsushi thinks it is really earnest of her.

- Oguri asked Ango if Ango was the head of No.7 Association, that captured Oguri and made him erase criminal conducts for them. Ango denied that. Oguri then asked if Ango ever used the power of that association, to which he said yes. He did use it just once, 4 years ago, when he erased all of Dazai’s past sins so that Dazai could continue to live out of the mafia. Oguri then asked the reason why he decided to dirty his hands like that, to which Ango said it is to atone for his sins to a friend who is no longer in this world.

- Ango then confirmed Oguri’s word that No.7 Association is criminal. Almost nothing is known about them, from scale to members, to its chain of order. There are rumors that they are the people from inside the police and cabinet but noone knows the actual truth. One thing for sure, if those people want to they can easily threaten the government. Ango spoke of his fear that Fyodor and this association will join forces, and that there might be Fyodor spy inside the government itself. That’s why Ango cannot trust anyone and he asks Oguri to share with him the info that he has. (Oguri was reluctant at this part but as he saw Kyouka asking him for it too, he was scared off and decided to tell everything xDD)

- Oguri then talked about the structure of Tenningosui. There are 5 members. Apart from Fyodor and Gogol, there are 2 other powerful ability users and another “organizer” who brings them all together, which means there is one more person above Fyodor.

- Oguri does not know the final goal of Tenningosui, but he did get to hear the step just before that, which is “Erase the nation”, not “overturn”. And they will achieve it through “the page”. There is only one page, which they have used to set up the ADA. But there is still the other side of the page. Once one side of the page is already written, it will take effect right away. That means they can use its power one more time, by writing on the remaining side of that page.

- Atsushi asked why they havent written it right away. Oguri explained that there is a rule of consistency and cause-effect that they have to follow. The detailed plan will be too much within the limit of one page so they only write down the most important event and have to actually carry out all the other smaller steps by themselves. In details, their plan has 4 steps. 1st step is “Canibalism”, so that they can give ADA the award and get close to the government. The next step is to write on the front side of the page to set up the ADA. 3rd step is the present, where they will perform terrorist attacks. And the last step will be to write on the other side of the page to erase the nation. The time when the page will be written will be on the next full moon, 10 days from present time.

- Ango and Oguri then left. Ango mentioned that he is gonna give the information to Dazai (through whatever means Idk).Lucy tried to comfort Atsushi and Kyouka but turned out they are super happy after hearing the information. Because they know that there will be one more side of the page to write on, and the enemy will not be writing it in the next 10 days. So as long as they can find Tenningosui, destroy them and get the page, they can write on the page and overturn the situation.

- Chapter ends with Atsushi looking very hopeful about saving the ADA. I guess the situation is still very tough but at least now they knew a way to get out of it, no matter how hard it might be.

That is the end of this month’s chapter. My brain is still trying to process the amount of information. And thank you for reading until this part. It has been one hell of a long post, but really there is so much information that I cannot leave out ;; See you next month (probably).

[kait0taku]

wait could i have a condensed history of the vocaloids?? if not it's totally chill and i completely understand

OOF i’m really glad you’ve asked that, but i’m not so sure i’m the best person for it!! i’m much better at just dispensing random bits of information, as opposed to really… organizing all i know into any sort of.. chronological order, yenno? lmao but hey, lemme share what i can with you okay!!　

first of all, i’ve definitely read one thing that i thought was really freaking cool bc it really dives into the history of voice synth development as a whole. though it really doesn’t focus that much on vocaloid, as it mostly just focuses on what laid down the foundations and paved the way for vocaloid to come into existence in the future. i’d really recommend it if you might be interested in learning that much history!! honestly, it could surprise just how far back voice synthesis goes. 😱 i thought it was a modern thing but it totally isn’t!!! so yeah heres the article for that if you're interested!　

buuuut you did say it was vocaloids history you really wanted to know, so in that case, since that doesn’t focus on it too much, heres the official timeline of releases and major vents pertaining to vocaloid straight from the wiki!

wikipedia might also be worth checking out too! heres a link directly to the section about software history.　

BUT HEY BEFORE YOU GO, I PROMISE I’M NOT ENTIRELY USELESS OKAY SO LEMME JUST DROP SOME OF THE RANDOM HISTORY TRIVIA IK FOR YA THAT I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD NOW MMK~~~

▪It has been 14 years since Vocaloids initial release. (I actually dont know that off the top of my head, I just ended up skimming that while searching for the articles :o)

▪It has been 18 years since development began. (I didn’t know this either, it just occured to me while fact checking some things lol) From the Wiki timeline I shared, “2000: Kenmochi Hideki began the first developments with a team at the Pompeu Fabra University in Spain.”

▪The first vocaloids were actually English language vocaloids, contrary to what some may believe. Additionally, you should also know, if you don’t already, that Hatsune Miku wasn’t the first Japanese vocaloid either. Meiko was the first female Japanese language vocaloid to be released, and Kaito came next.

▪Before it was decided that the software would be called “Vocaloid” the entire project was codenamed “Daisy,” as reference to the name of the very first song ever sung by a computer in voice-synth history. The songs name was “Daisy Bell” and you can hear it, plus learn a little bit more about it, at this link here~🔹Special bonus, check out this wonderful duet between the original Vocoder (the voice of the original software has been saved and is now useable in the modern day thanks to another software called Chipspeech!) and Cyber Diva! its like listening to Grandfather and Grandaughter sing together haha~

🔹SPECIAL KAITO FACT THATS NOT VERY MAJOR TO ANYTHING but before his name was Kaito, he was called “Taro” (which is the equivalent of a name like “John Smith” in Japanese lol)

▪The very first known use of vocaloid ever was in this song here.Vocaloids Kaito and Meiko were used in this before they had ever been released or announced (so presumably, Kaito was still called “Taro” at this time ww)

▪The first vocaloids did not have characters and were never intended to. This includes Kaito & Meiko. Their original boxart was never meant to be a depiction of them as characters, it was probably just meant to basically advertise the gender of the vocals by depicting a male and female on either package lol.

▪It was not until Crypton began their own “Character Voice” project and started releasing their vocaloids, beginning with the release of Hatsune Miku in 2007, that the idea of creating characters for Vocaloids had really become a thing. If you don’t know already, Crypton Future Media is the company who developed Hatsune Miku, Kagamine Rin & Len, and Megurine Luka. (They also handle Meiko & Kaito these days and developed their V3 updates, V1 being originally developed by Yamaha themselves.)　

aaannnd I feel like the rest of is sort of just, well, history at that point. (: from then on, Vocaloid grew into what it is today, yenno? our beloved singing robot/anime characters and all that good stuff xDD

but for a better more detailed history of this stuff, I do recommend referring to the links I provided. Also!! on the wiki you can even learn about the history for each individual vocaloid themselves. Including neat little facts about their development and everything! it’s voca-history inception haha :D

I hope this information was useful and/or interesting for you~ despite it being kind of messily organized and all that bc i’m just no good at actually making anything i write organizable xD i just dump all my thoughts at once pffft.

but ummm yeah :D i hope you have a lovely and more vocaloid-informed day~ ig idk heheh💕

[totty-chan]

The Truth about Fhujeth vs. Chocho

This isn’t a callout post, it’s a name-clearing and fact-straightening post for @chochomatsu / @domatsu

Before I go on with this post, I’m going to say a few things for the sake of transparency. I have known (or at least known about) both Fhujeth (@totally-totty / @osomi) and Chocho within the Osomatsu-san fandom for roughly a year now. I have had my own share of negative experiences with Fhujeth over that year, not least the Totty Club issues. I met Chocho because of the Totty Club and we’ve been friends since that time. The club is not what this is about though. I just felt I needed to state my relationship with these two people to clear up any potential questions of bias towards one side.

No one in existence is 100% unbiased, one is my friend, the other isn’t. But despite completely different experiences I have tried to maintain neutrality where I possibly can. I already knew there was a past friendship and later breaking of said friendship between Fhujeth and Chocho, and that there was some drama that spilled over into the public domain after that break.

I was told last week that Fhujeth continues to vague post about the situation, suggesting she hasn’t been able to let go. I decided to approach Fhujeth to see what was going on - for the sake of a friend that I care about. Fhujeth knows that I am friends with Chocho but again, for the sake of neutrality, I asked Fhujeth why she sees Chocho as her “abuser”, and what proof there is of this. I am someone who needs proof before I believe. Fhujeth explained her position and gave me some evidence in the form of chatlog to back it up.

After Fhujeth presented her argument to me along with the evidence she had to give, I stated that I wanted to get the other side of the story by talking to Chocho about it. Fhujeth’s nature basically instantly turned more... apologetic? Certainly less fighty. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want me to approach Chocho about this - which to me rang alarm bells.

I then spoke to Chocho about the situation - a story that Chocho has been unwilling to talk about in any detail until now. The reason being that she didn’t want to relive it, hoping that it would blow over and go away. But obviously it hasn’t.

Just to note that Fhujeth (and apparently some of her friends) questioned whether I am being appropriate by mediating between her and Chocho, asking for details as I go. Later on, Fhujeth said this to me:

I try to hear both sides of a story but I also since this summer have been trying not to get too involved in other people's drama. I don't want to because I don't want to get on anyone's badside. I know this is hard to believe but like you, I am someone who sticks up for their friends and fights and often is a diplomat or mediator or a neutral party who tries to hear two sides out. I have been for my friend and someone who wants nothing to do with them who keeps harassing my friend.

My answer is that this is exactly what I am doing here. You are welcome to judge me for making this information public however you see fit.

I have been given explicit permission from Chocho to post the information beyond this point.

I asked for this permission because I feel that it is disgusting that this issue has been going on for so long, an issue affecting a good friend of mine. I am of the opinion that if Fhujeth can go around the fandom spreading chatlogs to incriminate someone, I can use chatlogs to debunk it.

The rest of this post is under a cut - it is a LONG TEXT WALL but it clears up a lot. For those without the time to read a post of this length there is a tl;dr at the end. However you will need to read the post to understand the reasons for the conclusion!

KEY FROM NOW ON:

Normal - Me (totty-chan, Sammy)

[ITALICS] - Chocho’s notes, opinions, etc.

BLOCKQUOTE - Chatlogs - Chocho is normal text, Fhujeth and others are bold

I have been assured by both sides that none of the chatlogs shown to me are edited in any way, except names where appropriate and the occasional note spliced in to better explain certain things. For Jussy, a person unfortunately involved in this, I have replaced their tumblr username with “Jussy” to protect their identity. There is private information (location, etc.) about both parties in the logs which I will replace with “---” for the sake of their privacy. Some chatlogs had images within them - these cannot be shown as they were not logged in the text files and no longer exist. I only sought permission from Chocho to show logs. Anyone who would like to see the evidence shown by Fhujeth will have to ask Fhujeth herself for it.

Both Fhujeth and Chocho mentioned that they used an IM app called “utox”. Fhujeth claimed that this app doesn’t keep logs. Chocho’s logs from this point mostly come from utox (some are from tumblr). This image is proof that logging is possible:

Commissions/Money

The first thing Fhujeth spoke to me about was regarding commissions done by Chocho for other people.

totty You want the chatlogs? I have one that was taken from when her and a friend of mine were talking after my friend found out Chocho had been pretending to be two different people and pleading as both for commissions and I have our last convo that we had before the "we're not talking anymore." That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Fhujeth gave me evidence in the form of a chatlog about the second issue mentioned here first. I’m going to cover the issue regarding begging for commissions first despite not being given “evidence” about it until a lot later in the conversation. This also involves other people and money which is why it’s the important one.

Fhujeth claimed that Chocho asked people for commissions, claiming that she “needed money for this or that reason really bad.” There was also a claim that Chocho would pretend to be both “Domatsu” and “Chocho” - two separate people - in an attempt to ask for more money from the same person. This person is a mutual friend of both Fhujeth and Chocho.

Fhujeth claimed to have proof that Domatsu and Chocho are the same person but said that Chocho admitted this anyway so it wasn’t needed.

When I asked Chocho about this, she said:

[I never asked anybody for commissions, ever. It's against my morals. I made a commissions promo post on domatsu in order to replace my dodgy old Wacom tablet that was years old, worn down and no longer supported for parts and did commissions for that, people continued to commission me after that, even though I posted when I got my tablet. That was their choice. Fhujeth saying that I squeezed Jussy for tons of money... whilst Jussy did commission me A LOT, she always came to ME asking, I never asked her (unlike Fhujeth who flat out said to me one time that she was going to go ask Jussy to commission her). I never begged Jussy and I never approached her or pressured her to commission me. She always asked first and I always made sure she was okay with the price and knew where all the pricing was coming from in the picture before she agreed to it. I thanked her for all her commissions because she really did help me.]

Chocho gave me evidence of Jussy asking for the commissions:

Jussy Hey, honey~ ^.^ hope you are well? I can't stop looking at my OsoMisha piece~ *u* and I am so happy with it~<3 I would love to commission you again X33 Jussy I will email you again~ ;) with my new idea~

Jussy BTW, when I get paid again, I was thinking of commissioning you again, but for something different ;3 * at the end of the month

Jussy Haha XDD you think you can take on another commission of mine? ;3

Jussy Eeeee, plz let him tumblr XDD and yush~ 0w0 it is <3 such great times X3 Plus, your Kara comic inspired me to commission you for an OsoMisha one X3

Jussy Soon, I'd love to commission an icon X3

Jussy I was thinking of Osomatsu and his brothers surprising Misha on her birthday on the 10th >w< Jussy as a commission

Jussy Hey, ChoCho X3 you up for me to commission you again? c:

Jussy Now I have the urge to commission Misha taking care of Osomatsu in the clothes his wearing~

Chocho also gave me this chatlog between her and Fhujeth regarding Jussy, commissions, the cost of said commissions, and asking for them.

Fhujeth: Jussy wants to pay me 35 (total) for a drawing with 3 chars (dollars) yay or nay Chocho: Fullbody or no Chocho: *? Fhujeth: full body Fhujeth: that's alot less than she was paying Chocho: I'd ask for 40 at least Fhujeth: Did my art value suddenly change Chocho: I don't think so! Chocho: Did she mean £? Fhujeth: Originally she paid 71$ for it Chocho: Or does she not know currency conversion? Chocho: What did she even say? Fhujeth: Cus I'm not sure if I should be insulted and hurt and start crying and just stop doing commissions or think she has no idea about currency conversion Chocho: I'd fall on the last one there first Fhujeth: I really hope so... Chocho: This is Jussy Fhujeth: [9:38:02 AM] Jussy: Yo~ ;3 [10:48:33 AM] Firrymatsu: Hi ^^ I am going to get this commission done fast but is is possible to be commissioned again sometime soon I just had to go to the doctor and my medication was 25 pounds ;.; [10:49:40 AM] Jussy: Okay my darling~ >w< and sure thing my honey~ ^.^ you know, I was thinking I COULD give you back the sketch you gave me, so you can finish it off and I give you 25 $ or more for it~ : 3 [10:49:54 AM] Jussy: Now you have a good idea on Hummingdoe's appearance [10:50:22 AM] Firrymatsu: dollars or pounds :o [10:50:52 AM] Jussy: Dollars ^w^ [10:51:36 AM] Firrymatsu: the one with croc, moosel, and hummingdoe? [10:52:07 AM] Jussy: That's right ^w^ [10:55:32 AM] Firrymatsu: 25 dollars is not very much @_@ [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? Fhujeth: does she even have a concept of money? Fhujeth: I'm taking into consideration the 10 she already gave me... Chocho: I haven't a clue! Fhujeth: I'm too tired for this ;.; Fhujeth: It's 3 full body characters in a style I dunno, one is a fan character with an out of style reference.... Chocho: I'd also consider that you are asking her to commission you and give her money rather than her making that decision herself to ask on her own... Fhujeth: Yeah! I am taking that into consideration. Originally this idea we planned at 70, I think 50 is fair? Fhujeth: or 45 Chocho: Ask her for that! Fhujeth: Ok! Fhujeth: [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? [10:59:41 AM] Firrymatsu: 40 @_@ then you had already paid that 10 dollars towards it, that makes it 50 - I'd normally charge 70 but since I am asking you for help I will go lower?

Fhujeth: i'll reply when i am done with this commission is reluctantly asked if they were willing to commission me again.

[See? She flat out asked/begged Jussy to commission her... and was insulted with the price Jussy was willing to pay. From what I could gather, Jussy wasn't happy with the sketch Fhujeth gave her before so wanted to commission Fhujeth for something else instead of the original pic?]

(Note, Firrymatsu = Fhujeth)

From my perspective it appears Chocho received commission requests - she didn’t go asking for them personally. There is evidence that it was in fact Fhujeth that asked for at least two commissions rather than being approached.

Also (this is just my opinion), what is wrong with commissioning under multiple aliases? Novel authors write books under different names all the time to separate styles - and make money on those separately. It happens in the music world too, songwriters often have multiple aliases or they ghostwrite for other singers or bands, making money as they go. It’s not immoral, it’s just a method of being able to separate different styles of working and still be able to keep on top of things. I do not understand why Fhujeth is using this against Chocho in an attempt to back up the “abuser” claim.

Fhujeth also said this to me regarding Chocho and Jussy:

If you see her collection you'll understand she had no NEED for money, she had a WANT for money. When Jussy found out that not only was her money going towards the same person but also not for needed things like food and health but for buying say, a full set of 45 dollar a piece matsu plush... she was not terribly happy.

I asked Chocho about this and was given this chatlog with an explanation afterwards:

Chocho: We live in a little town. =( Fhujeth: Ahhhh. Fhujeth: That makes it creepier you're so close to Jussy then. Chocho: It's not even that... it's a sub-town? Or village? I dunno. --- is the area, --- is the town... and we're in --- which is considered a part of --- overall so I guess it's a village Chocho: Yeah, we are REALLY close to Jussy Fhujeth: we don't have villages here so I have no idea how to like.... word it. Yeah it seems creepy..... like nothing on her but she is strange... part of me wonders if she is an adult... or a kid.... or an impulse buyer Fhujeth: Like nothing on your fanart I just don't see how someone can afford all that so fast like wow. Fhujeth: That's a lot of artwork of a weird fantasy. Chocho: I dunno. =T Not complaining though, it helped John with his bills this month

Chocho: I finished one of the comms for Jussy Fhujeth: Yay! Chocho: dop Chocho: =image goes here= Fhujeth: you did it!! Fhujeth: cute! Fhujeth: she will love that Chocho: Thank-you! =) Chocho: 1 down Chocho: 3 Chocho: to Chocho: go Fhujeth: are they easier ones? Chocho: Not particularly Chocho: One involves Iyami Chocho: who is a bitch to draw Chocho: And one is hypnotism-esque Fhujeth: from her? Chocho: Well, yeah Chocho: I don't take commissions from anybody but you, John, Jussy and Cathie at the moment Fhujeth: Ahh that is nice and a smart idea Chocho: I really want to help John out. @_@ Chocho: So I'm just having the money sent straight to him Fhujeth: Good idea! Fhujeth: And they have lots Fhujeth: Well, I wonder what Jussy really is she seems to be so mysterious

(And when Fhujeth says that I "didn't use the money on life but on merch instead"... that's not entirely true. I got some merch that I had ordered sent to my friend because I couldn't receive it here and it ended up being way larger than we expected, it was HUGE! If I'd have known they were THAT BIG I wouldn't have ordered them, but they were and we ended up with them. He had to send them one by one and they cost $22.50 to send EACH. He IOU'd me the money and sent them over to me since his house is not very big and they were taking up space. Then it turned out that he was short of funds for personal reasons (I'm not gonna say what because it's private), so I wanted to pay him back ASAP to help with his bills. So I was getting Jussy to send ALL the commission money she paid me directly to my friend (John) in order to pay him back for his kindness and help his bills. So yes, whilst it was not going on MY bills, it was going on my FRIEND's bills. And whilst it was TECHNICALLY going "towards merch", it was actually going towards paying my friend back for the postage it cost him to get them to me. Fhujeth knows this.)

I personally don’t see an issue with spending commission money on merch, or for that matter, anything. In any case, this issue doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as Fhujeth was painting it to be. The obvious conclusion from the things Fhujeth told me would be that Chocho demanded to be commissioned due to a strong “NEED” for money, claimed that it was for “things like food and health”, only to spend it on merch. I’ve seen enough evidence to be able to say that this isn’t the case.

Chocho also gave me further logs about the commissions/money issues:

Fhujeth: I refunded her the 35 when the REALLY EVIL PART OF ME WAS LIKE, "Dude keep it dude, dude, duuude, dude, greed, dude, greed, dude."

Fhujeth: plus the 45 USD she just tossed me for (well, some stuff I paid 3 dollars for basically) Chocho: How much profit are you making off of her? Fhujeth: The camera case/bag was in a super clearance machine I think they put it in there to make it difficult to grab the iyamis and chibitas cus it was big and would catch the claw but I was like, "FUCK THAT" and got all the chibitas and iyamis around it and then pulled it out Fhujeth: and then like there was times I just bulk won tons of osomatsu keychains and she bought 2 of those Fhujeth: cus on golden week they rigged the machines to pay out super crazy easy and I spend like 300 dollars I ended up with like 8 choros and 7 jyushis Fhujeth: contacted jussy about the osomatsu cushion hehe Fhujeth: did I tell you I charged her 10 shipping and her item to ship turned out to be 180 Chocho: 180? Fhujeth: like 2 dollars

Fhujeth: "the keychain and pillow (very huggable) for 65 + shipping (and you already paid for " ya so I know what you'll do with these poor plush so I will charge 15 for the keyring and 50 for the plush juss Fhujeth: me: Well the pillow which I sell for 40 I'll sell to you for 50 and this keychain I sell for 10 I'll sell to you for 15 and I know oyu paid shipping on the other thing you bought but I'ma go ahead and ignore that and combine this all shipping so 15 shipping Fhujeth: yeah I feel bad Fhujeth: but I also am like Fhujeth: she is really Fhujeth: but I Will give her a nicer shipping i think Fhujeth: at least tracking Fhujeth: you: *terrible person* Fhujeth: you're thinking that Fhujeth: a bad person would be if I decided to not refund her that 35 dollars and see what happens x.x Chocho: I didn't say anything! =B Fhujeth: What are you thinking? Chocho: That I'm not sure if Ichimatsu looks right? XD Fhujeth: So you don't care if I charge her for things? Fhujeth: Like a lot. Chocho: Oh, I do, but it's none of my business. =B

Fhujeth: I most def do not feel bad Fhujeth: charging her Fhujeth: because she probably torments many people

[I find it amazing she says about my "collection"! Hahaha! She's shown people her collection what, countless times? She has far, far more than I do and it's not like she needs that any more than I do. XD SHE's the one who doesn't have a need for money, not me, I never inherited anything from anybody! SHE's the one who has a want for money, even though as far as I know, she has a lot already! (She also liked to horrendously overcharge Jussy for things, just because she knew Jussy wouldn't question!)

To be honest, any time Fhujeth offered me something to buy off her it was.... really unnerving... it wasn't like a friendly "Oh yeah, you can buy this if you want", it was always so... like a sharp merchant, not a friend helping another get something. She even said one time that she would only hold a piece of merch for me for "up to a year"... that put quite the unnerved feeling onto me... XD;;; And it was ALWAYS like that... we had to make sure the money was 100% EQUAL AND ACCOUNTED FOR. To be honest, it was scary. She did this with the plush she wanted me to make her too. I didn't really like buying from Fhujeth, it was stressful, but a lot of the time I felt pressured.]

Fhujeth: well, I have one Chocho: One is in 18 Fhujeth: I will sell it Fhujeth: I can hold it Chocho: Oh? =o Well... if you want to... Fhujeth: if you're up for that Fhujeth: I don't mind holding stuff for you up to a year

I’m seeing a “NEED” for money from Fhujeth here - not Chocho. There are also some very obvious nasty and insulting attacks on Jussy from Fhujeth combined with some extremely unfair financial tactics in an attempt to squeeze more money out of her.

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth involved a claim that Chocho demanded to be commissioned by Jussy to buy a new cellphone:

She threw her phone on her bed and it accidentally cracked and broke (baring in mind this was a phone her dad gave her, had no service, and she used to play games on it). She said she was gonna ask Jussy for help to her a new one. We were also talking about Timezones for another reason. If it wasn't cause the phone broke it was cause she wanted something else but I remember around that part not caring too much.

I think it was the phone.

Chocho gave me this chat between her and Jussy along with comments and chat with Fhujeth:

chochomatsu And my phone smashed yesterday tooooo Jussy B'awww, I am soooo sorry to heat that my lovely ;w; chochomatsu Not having a good time (;m;) Jussy what?? o0o nooo! Anything I can do to help? ;w; chochomatsu Yeah! (;m;) [<--- Note, this is a response to "what?? o0o nooo!", not "Anything I can do to help? ;w;] Some of the glass actually fell out... so... it's pretty much unusable now. (;_;) RIP my phone...I didn't even have it all that long... Jussy Oooh, my...you poor lass ;3; <3 can you get it fixed? chochomatsu And I can't afford to get another one either! At least I didn't use it all that often... (;w;);;; Jussy b'awww ;3; I only use my phone for calling and texting chochomatsu I think it's pretty much gone. (;_;) I don't think you can replace the screens on these... This was my first ever smart phone, I wanted one for years... and I think it lasted... a few months... not even a year! Jussy Ooooh, poopy ;3; what a shame How did it break? chochomatsu It was a really silly thing. (;_;) I went to bed last night and took it with me because I do Japanese study just before bed... I put the charger on my pillow and then gently plopped my phone on top... Jussy b'awww ;3; chochomatsu BANG Glass all over my pillow... Jussy Oooh, my..o.o Jussy goodness it happens darling, don't worry chochomatsu Yeah. (;_;) I feel really stupid... it wasn't even that hard an impact, I guess it just hit it in the wrong place Jussy aww, I am sorry dear ;3; chochomatsu I think we passed your workplace today though! Jussy Really?? 0w0 --- That's where --- is~ chochomatsu Yeah! You work at --- Bupa, right? Jussy I do :D Jussy what time?

[we talked here about completely different things for a while until we had to go, this next part is the next day]

11/23/2016 Jussy Aaaahh, Hey, ChoCho~ X3 I would like to help you get a new phone by commissioning you. I have something in mind and I would like to discuss it ^w^ chochomatsu Hiya, good morning, Jussy! <3 How are you today? And thankyou so much! (;m;) That is so sweet of you! <3 *hugs* Jussy Good morning my darling~ ^w^ I am good, a bit better from my cold >w< <3 and ya welcome, always happy to help out~ ^.^ *hugs*

[In regards to the phone, I never asked Jussy for commissions to cover replacing it. I mentioned it to Jussy because she was my friend and I was frustrated I'd just broke my phone (anybody would be I think), she approached me the next day saying she wanted to commission me to put towards getting myself a new phone, which I was absolutely greatful for. This commission I asked her to send to my BOYFRIEND instead since he'd be the one buying the phone and I wanted that money to absolutely go towards the phone. But before I could get the phone, Fhujeth lied to Jussy about me in order to put Jussy off me and cut me off from any future commissions (knowing that I only ever accepted commissions off of Jussy by that point). Since I no longer had any kind of income, I had to send the entirety of that money to John since he was a priority over a new phone. I still don't have a new phone (but luckily for me, it hasn't fallen apart yet like we expected! Since the crack is right at the button, we expected the button to fall out at any time, luckily it hasn't. I had to stop doing my kanji/kana learning because that involved drawing the kanji/kana on the screen and the sensitivity is basically shot on that part of the screen making it very hard to do anything there.).

(Also, my phone has always had service (you can see that it does, "TESCO" in the bottom corner of the photo I gave Jussy of my phone showing the damage)

It wasn't my Dad that gave it to me, it was my Boyfriend's Dad and I used it to study Japanese with apps because it was too weak to play the phone games without crashing. I tried playing Hesokuri Wars on it for a bit, but it was unreliable and crashed during game play a lot. So whilst I left it on my phone for ages, I didn't open it because it wouldn't load at all eventually (updates made it too hefty). I mostly played things like Hesokuri Wars and Tabimatsu on my PC using an emulator called Andy. It was FHUJETH's phone that didn't have service that she only used for games.]

Fhujeth: My mobile lost service... 3-4 months ago.

Chocho: My phone is too shit to run Hesokuri Wars without endless crashing

Fhujeth: we should find a chat program that works on your phone Chocho: It's like shell shock Chocho: I don't think any will, it's just not powerful enough to be any more than a call and text thing

I don’t think I really need to add to this - the proof is clear enough for me.

Fhujeth also told me this, bringing another person into the issue with Chocho and commissioning:

Cathie had her own experiences with Dexts (commissions being rushed/made poorly).

Like she'd pay 100 for a drawing that was not nearly up to par for what Domatsu usually did. That was one thing she told me

This is Chocho’s response to this claim along with logs to back it up:

Chocho: And Jussy knows I plan to finish hers when it's cooler Fhujeth: Totty: Choromatsu-Niisan is the kind of person who wears..... like... the pads on the elbos and all Chocho: It's okay if I fuck up a background, it's not okay if I fuck up paid art

[The background in this chatlog was regarding the backgrounds I used to draw for domatsus blog updates. All of the art I have ever done on commission for anybody, ever, including Fhujeth themself, was to the best of my ability at the time. I promise that completely, I have no desire to "half-arse" anything. I have no idea where Cathie got the idea that I didn't draw pictures up to par of my others at the time? I always tried my very best... =/ If Cathie said that at all, I wouldn't know! But I honestly had no idea she felt that way.]

Chocho: I don't want to cop out on the story Chocho: That's why it's pissing me off so fucking much Fhujeth: Rush it? Chocho: no Chocho: Absolutely not Chocho: Quality or bust Fhujeth: i mean it's good and i can help you make sure it's in character Chocho: I've got a good reputation I don't want to fuck it up by coughing up half arsed shit onto the blog Chocho: Yeah, it's a matter of pride, but also a matter of respect for my fans

Fhujeth: It's nice to have stuff made by friends! I liked the figure i had from my friend but i was bummed when i realized she made it shitty on purpose ;.; Chocho: did they really though? Fhujeth: I'm 99& sure. Fhujeth: %^ Chocho: i have more respect for myself than to do that Fhujeth: They're those kind of people.

chochomatsu i have far too much respect for my works to do anything less than my best i wouldn't want to crap out a shitty item chochomatsu i never like asking anybody for money

Fhujeth: Apparently I illustrated a book... and it's coming out soonish..... *halfassed all the art they accepted it and took it my mind is blown, all it is I think they changed the cover*

Doesn’t look like Chocho is the one that “halfassed” art for other people. Art is, of course, subjective... but as long as the person drawing it does so to the best of their current ability and with as much effort as they can spend on it, that’s just fine.

An extra note from me... I saw this in the logs I was given and thought it worth mentioning (because it’s just... not right).

Fhujeth: So for a picture I might charge 25 for I charge 50 for to someone who I knew made 6 figures a year and wanted --- KND operatives Chocho: I think my biggest deal is asking for money full stop

Fhujeth is charging higher prices to people who she knows to have more money. I don’t recall rich people walking into a store and having to pay more because they’re rich. This isn’t a variable income tax system.

The Plush

Still regarding commissions and money in reality, Fhujeth told me about trying to commission Chocho for a custom Matsu plush. This is part of what Fhujeth said to me:

She made a Karamatsu plush and it had messy hair, he was supposed to be from her blog. I didn't like the hair but the plush the rest of it came out great. I told her the honest truth about it. Later she made a Choromatsu plush and I LOVED IT and I kept saying how I wanted to commission her for one and she kept holding the thing I said like 4 months prior about the one's hair against me?

We were friends so I wanted to give her my honest answer when she asked what I thought. The rest of the plush was fine but the hair just looked really off on it. She made the Posing Karamatsu too which I loved as well! I really liked the pattern she made for the Choro one but a lot. A LOT of drama would constantly ensue whenever I said, "hey I wanna commission you for one."

I wasn’t at all sure what the real problem was here or why it was brought up with regards to Chocho being an “abuser”. When I asked Chocho about this one it took a long time to explain.

[Ok... this is a complex one that needs a LOT of backstory to explain... so... I can make plush, but I can't make them EASILY because I don't have a sewing or embroidery machine. Everything I do on a plush has to be done by hand using a needle and thread. That includes the face embroidery/embroidery anywhere else. This takes hours and can mess up my hands/fingers because of repeated pressure of a thin, metal stick pressing into them (also because pushing the embroidery needle through multiple layers of fabric and embroidery REALLY hurts. @_@ And you can stab yourself all too easily. I don't like doing it really so try to avoid it and don't take any commissions unless they are specifically for friends. Fhu knew about the faces and embroidery, so she knew it was a hard and painful activity before she even started pressing for a Totty plush later on.]

Chocho: I have a question Fhujeth: sure :3 Chocho: If I were to make Karamatsu plush, should I make it chibi like the official ones or proportional Fhujeth: that would depend on if you want it to be proportional or chibi :O Fhujeth: why not both Chocho: Because it takes a long time to hand embroider the faces. XD Chocho: And I'm limited on fabric. =( Fhujeth: you hand embroider? wooow Chocho: Yeah! Fhujeth: woow that looks like it would take forever Chocho: It does. @_@ Chocho: And it hurts. XD Fhujeth: that is some dedication Chocho: It's the only way I can do it. =( Chocho: Which is why I only do plush commissions for friends. XD Fhujeth: well, otherwise it'd be a lot

[Eventually, I felt like Fhujeth was a close enough friend to me for me to want to make her a plush. So I offered that I could potentially trade some merch for a small, custom demon Todomatsu plush. I was instantly made uneasy by how it all became about "how much are you going to charge me?". What was simply a "maybe you'd like something made by a friend?" had suddenly turned into a hyper-serious TRANSACTION. I was basically put on the spot to give a price for something that I hadn't even planned yet, I wasn't even suggesting actual money, just a merch trade. That felt like pressure and I was a bit unnerved, but I shook it off.]

Chocho: Hey.. I have an idea/proposition Fhujeth: Go oooooon :O Chocho: Would you be willing to take payment for some thing in the form of a tiny demon Totty plush? Chocho: *some things Fhujeth: :O payment for like what, and PROBABLY x3 just what I have here or? like the kara head/buttons? Since I think we're about even on the auction lot Chocho: I think we're about even on the auction, yeah! =D And I dunno, yeah, the merch you get in Japan I guess, yes! XD Chocho: I'm not sure how big he'd be since things always come out bigger than I expect... Chocho: But he'd be custom cos he'd be demon Totty Fhujeth: i'll be buying more blind bags of stuff :O so I can just keep you updated. Yeah @-@ Chocho: I'd have to make a new pattern. XD I can't use Karamatsu's because he is MASSIVE Chocho: Okay! =D Chocho: How much would you be willing to pay for the plush anyways? @.@ If he came out to be about 12-15cm? Fhujeth: What are you charging o_o Chocho: I was gonna make him keychain sized? But I just know he'll end up bigger. B/ Chocho: I dunno because I've never really done it before. Chocho: Well, I've made things for John on commission but yeah Chocho: I know the cost of fabrics and time and pain Fhujeth: Like, how many hours would it HYPOTHETICALLY TAKE Chocho: But that doesn't line up to what people expect to pay so Chocho: Well Chocho: How long do patterns take. =_= Hmm... a few hours Chocho: Making plush can take... over a week Chocho: (It's usually way longer to be honest, but they're usually bigger( Fhujeth: I'm not sure o_o I'd like it but my budget is only as big as what I have ATM. Kara head is 35 + the buttons is 9 (minus one from the doodle just now) Chocho: Watch him end up being half the size of Karamatsu instead of 12-15cm Chocho: We can wait and see! Fhujeth: And as I get more stuff I'll figure things out o_o I'm bad with plush prices. Chocho: It was just an idea. XD Fhujeth: I am interested! And yeah! Fhujeth: If you can give me a number it'd be better!! and you should put a dog squaeky inside it o_O so it makes some sound, if you can, I think you can get that from like... a cheap store and take out of dog toy.... ?? which I can pay for? AHHHH, let's wait till I figure things out but assume right now we're at 42 dollars or something Chocho: Hahaha! XD That's a good idea on the squeaker! Chocho: Yeah, we'll keep it in mind! =D Chocho: (Also gotta remember the face embroidery) Fhujeth: Yeah x.,x Chocho: I wish I had a machine for that. =(

[The idea of the plush stuck around though]

Chocho: I'm really concerned about this plush Fhujeth: Aww don't worry about it too much. Fhujeth: I am not that picky if love is involved. Chocho: Yeah, but you don't want him to be hideous Chocho: I also worry about the quality of the embroidery Chocho: Because I'm not a machine Fhujeth: oh I am not picky on that I will know it is hand made. as long as it wont fall apart. Chocho: It shouldn't fall apart Chocho: But it might be ugly Fhujeth: I got a sculpture from sone, I showed them the example of what I wanted, I showed them a turn around, the got the proportions all wrong Fhujeth: you wont be that bad. Fhujeth: I still kept the loved the sculture Fhujeth: scupture Chocho: Kept the sculpture? Fhujeth: I kept it and loved it^ Chocho: What sculpture? Fhujeth: it was of my knd oc Fhujeth: i commissioned her because i thought she'd do really good Chocho: Was it not so good then? =< Fhujeth: i was disappointed greatly Fhujeth: but said nothing Chocho: Aww.. =( Chocho: I'm sorry about that Chocho: That's what I'm worried about

Fhujeth: I've commissioned some original stuff of my characters and came out really bad, in fact one I think got made bad on purpose.... Fhujeth: But I loved it anyways until one day the head came off because they didn't bake it enough... like the wire just split through the head >< I wanted them to fix it but I moved by then so it's at my dads so it wouldn't break more Fhujeth: And I'll be honest on a technical level and for that person's skill it was atrocious and when I first saw it I felt kind of bothered... Fhujeth: But I thought maybe it wasn't like that on purpose and they did it the best they could so I put it with all my other stuff of that OC

There was a weird situation building up here from what I could tell. Fhujeth wanted a quality plush which is fair enough, and Chocho doubted her ability to match the requirements. Fhujeth saying that they’ve commissioned other people and been disappointed with the result in the past was obviously furthering the doubt from Chocho that the requirements could be fulfilled. Claiming that a past commission had been done badly on purpose was, to me, a step too far. There doesn’t seem to be any proof of that here and presenting that thought to Chocho inevitably heightened the concern about being able to satisfy Fhujeth even further. I know for sure that if someone commissioned me for anything creative and was mentioning past commissions in this sense I would lose all confidence in my ability.

[The concept of a "demon Totty" plush had become a thing and was on our er.... list of things I owe in trade for merch? No merch traded hands though, I liked to pay for them first... but Fhujeth would "put things aside" on the "plush list", though not everything applied. In any case, I eventually decided to try and make a small Karamatsu plush as a test, since Fhujeth didn't like the risk of me making her a plush without seeing the pattern first. I was a little unsure about him, his hoodie kind of pinched his neck because I'd made the opening too small and his hair was VERY fluffy because of the fur I'd used for it. I felt concerned about him, especially since Fhujeth had now set this very high bar in my mind, what with being so money concerned, telling me about how she was certain her friend intentionally made her a bad commission sculpture to spite her and that she was VERY disappointed in the result, but didn't say anything... also with the idea that she didn't want to risk me making it without proving she'd like the pattern first.]

Chocho: Progress Fhujeth: aww that looks adorable! Chocho: NOT WHEN HE HAS A HEAD Chocho: I just placed it there Chocho: I used the long pile fur so it would NOT be that messy if I had used the minky Chocho: OH WELL Chocho: Whatever Chocho: I'm only finishing this really because it'd be a waste of embroidery otherwise. XD Fhujeth: give him bandages Fhujeth: have big Kara care for poor injured baby scruffy kara Chocho: It this particular one worth the effort? Chocho: "He looks retarded because he fell off the roof" Fhujeth: xDDDD Chocho: I guess he's not THAT bad Chocho: but eh Chocho: I don't think he's worth $ Chocho: maybe if the hair was shorter fur but I dunno, can't really tell that because it's not Fhujeth: haircut? Chocho: Nah Chocho: Because once it's cut it can't come back Chocho: And if I fuck it up that's it fucked up further for good! Chocho: But yeah, I don't think I can make you a Totty. @_@ I'm sorry Fhujeth: it is ok ^-^ Chocho: I didn't think you'd like it! XD Fhujeth: you don't seem confident :3 Fhujeth: so it is ok! Chocho: You don't seem to like how he looks anyway though. XD Fhujeth: it's hard to tell with the hair tbh Chocho: It's overall pretty shitty, huh? Fhujeth: Nooo! Fhujeth: The body for sure looks great Chocho: But the most important part is the head Fhujeth: the face is good too! Fhujeth: but the hair is very... wild Chocho: Really? I thought the face looked bad... Well yeah, I used craft fur, minky is like what you have on the keychain plush Chocho: Look at the length on big Karamatsu compared to little here Fhujeth: yeah! that is a hugeee difference Chocho: Yeah

[The small Karamatsu plush's hair kept coming up, even though I had explained that I used a different fur than what I would use for hers....]

Chocho: Be honest, do you want a chibi body like the keychain plush, or a to scale one Fhujeth: whichever you as the artist want. What do you personally thing might look better Chocho: The body pattern I have looks more to scale Fhujeth: I do like the chibi body but a real body, if it translates well, the bunny I got, did you see how it is... Fhujeth: it's like 2.5 heads tall Fhujeth: how is that like... that is ok too... Fhujeth: 3 heads tall Fhujeth: ok Fhujeth: 2 heads ehh Chocho: XD Chocho: I dunno Fhujeth: I like the height of the karamatsu plush but yeah his head (and hair) bugged me Fhujeth: we talk little the big one is fine Chocho: Well, I told you that his hair was not the same fabric. =P Fhujeth: yeah! Chocho: I used craft fur, not minky, cos I wanted it messy Chocho: But yeah, seriously though, no promises Chocho: I've seen a ton of cute plush and I don't think I'm cut out for it Chocho: To be honest, I knew you didn't like it as soon as you said you didn't know if you wanted to trade for it yet Fhujeth: brb my mom got me Chocho: Ok! Chocho: I think for now, it's best to assume I won't be able to do this, ok? The plush. Chocho: To be honest, to make one to the proportions of cute bunny Totty would involve me remaking the pattern all over again, not just the head. And that involves making the clothes patterns again too. It's a lot of effort that to be honest I don't think I'm willing to put in. Chocho: The effort and time to make ANOTHER pattern (especially if it just fails again), considering that I've already made 2 Matsu patterns already, not that one of them was with Totty in mind, but nonetheless... if more time, effort and stress than I think you'd be willing to trade for Chocho: *is Fhujeth: oh the bunny totty is bleg Fhujeth: I like your big karamatsu Fhujeth: bug maybe half the size Fhujeth: but^ Chocho: That would still be making a whole new pattern. u_u And I thought the Bunny Totty was really nice. =( Fhujeth: not just a resize Chocho: The way that big Karamatsu's head is done makes it hard to resize. =( Chocho: Besiiiides Chocho: I'm sure you wouldn't like the nasty darts I had to put in to make his hair work... Chocho: Also, his head flops cos it's heavy, you don't want it Chocho: It's too hot to work on anything plush now anyway. Because I don't have a machine, all the sweat that the hot, muggy weather causes will soak right into the fabric. Which is disgusting. So I avoid it... I also think if I had a machine that would do the face for me in a matter of minutes, it wouldn't be a problem... but I don't.. so every failure is a lot of wasted time and pain and suffering. All in all... I don't think I could make you something you wouldn't be disappointed with. =( Chocho: And not because I think you would rip into it, but because I don't think I have the skills Chocho: Anyways, I better get to bed! G'night! I'll catch you tomorrow! Fhujeth: nooo Fhujeth: i haD TO EAY Fhujeth: eat Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: to when I came back Fhujeth: i was gonna confess eerything to you Chocho: Confess? Chocho: I only send the message a minute ago. XD Fhujeth: AHH YOU ARE HERE MY FRIEND <3 Fhujeth: Yeah but a minute, less than you can walk away Chocho: But really, I do need to go after I've taken my meds, Kirk has to get up early Fhujeth: I love you, I am glad I met you. before we fuss, let me clarify things hsould we get into an argument Chocho: It's probably best we do this tomorrow so I can sleep. XD;;; Fhujeth: please, when we end a day in a huff and you show up not the next day it hurts so bad Chocho: As in, if it takes a negative turn, I can never sleep and Kirk's health tomorrow depends on me sleeping Fhujeth: Affirmative, be well, sleep well. Fhujeth: It was more detailed, that was a summary. Chocho: I didn't think we were arguing or having a huff today. '3' Fhujeth: not today! just anytime~ Fhujeth: like the other day Chocho: I was just expressing that I don't think I'm fit for purpose!

Which way round is this? Fhujeth claimed to me that Chocho was the one that brought up the hair thing and held it against Fhujeth. These chatlogs suggest it’s the other way around; Fhujeth really didn’t like whatever had been done with this other plush’s hair and was holding it over Chocho’s head whenever the idea of the Totty plush commission was discussed.

[I started to pay off the stuff we had on the "Totty plush list" from what I remember, since my first attempt had been not good enough. Fhujeth still wanted a Totty Plush though so that was still in the air. Then there was a set of limited edition... uhhh... lottery official plush I think it was? Of the Matsus in the "I <3 Toto" outfits released. I managed to get the Choro through my friend in Japan and I wanted the Kara (of course) but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually one popped up on Yahoo Auctions!, but he was expensive, I couldn't afford him. Fhujeth mentioned she wanted it, but would feel bad if she got it (and I didn't), so I figured I'd offer, if she was willing to grab the plush and hold it, I could trade it for the Totty plush (if I could do it to her standards), otherwise she could keep the plush for herself without guilt, or sell the plush off for profit or something since it's limited edition and the value will only go up. She didn't want to "RISK" it, which made me incredibly upset since she, by this point, had repeatedly insisted/hinted that I wouldn't do a job good enough for her to accept and it was getting quite insulting. Why did she keep saying these things, yet keep asking for the plush? =/;]

Chocho: I really want that but it's out of my reach Fhujeth: I like it but I'd feel bad if I got it Chocho: Would you trade me it for a demon Totty plush? Fhujeth: You mean like I buy it, keep it in the package and all and if you design a plush I like we trade or is it I buy it expecting we trade? Because in one regard that is alot of pressure because One I see done, already, the other I don't... so... and then if you make it and there is some issue then I'll feel so bad and obligated to say yes anyways. Like what are you thinking o.x Fhujeth: I mean Fhujeth: what are you thinking/what is your idea Chocho: Yeah. I'd trade you that Karamatsu straight for a demon Totty plush and we would make sure it's a pattern you like. Chocho: Nah, never mind, it was just a thought Fhujeth: Isn't that a lot of work for a plush like that? Chocho: It is Fhujeth: I'm willing to take the risk I guess... I hate calling it a risk but... In the end I guess my biggest fear is you present me with something and I dislike it and then we end in a problem. I'm not picky but my last few non-drawn commissions from people have been all crap. Fhujeth: Not saying you'd do that! Fhujeth: I'm just saying it's like I pay for something and it breaks. Fhujeth: Not that a plush can break, and yours look like good quality. Chocho: You think my plush would fall apart? Chocho: If you think it's too much of a risk don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No, no. Fhujeth: Do you prefer me not expressing just my thoughts outloud? Chocho: I think it's kind of insulting you think that doing a trade with me is a huge risk and you'll probably get something you'll hate... Chocho: But it's fine, don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No that's not my concern! See now I feel guilty ^^;; Chocho: I'd prefer not to do all the work of making a pattern and plush and the face embroidery for one plush anyway Fhujeth: I'll do the trade if that is what you want to do. Chocho: Because it IS a lot of work, effort and, since you seem to think I'd fuck up, heartache for a $55 plush +fees and postage Fhujeth: It's not that I don't trust you I just always jump to the worst conclusions. Fhujeth: Chances are the plush is going to be super cute and awesome. Chocho: I don't really want to make a plush for somebody who thinks I'm going to churn out junk... that is WAY too much pressure Fhujeth: I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me.... Fhujeth: ..but maybe I am misreading it. Chocho: Not really, I just feel hurt that every time I mention making a plush you make it sound like I'm going to make an ugly piece of crap Chocho: You are the only one who has ever repeatedly made me feel like I churn out shit plush... Fhujeth: I really want a plush from you! Fhujeth: I'm just really nervous to buy plush, always. Chocho: I don't want to make a plush for you because you don't trust I can do it Chocho: It's fine, I don't need to spend another $55+ anyway really!! Chocho: And plush take weeks Fhujeth: I do really want a plush from you. Fhujeth; I am patient and in no rush. Chocho: What if I can't make something you like? Fhujeth: You'll make something I like. I'm sorry for instilling fear in you. Chocho: Would you sell it to me in commissions of other kinds or for tutoring/red lining/whatever as long as it's not something I can't teach? Chocho: Or would you just keep it you think? Fhujeth: I want a demon totty plush or I'll keep him, probably... unless there is more art I need i the future. Just take your time. I'm sure whatever you do will be great. I didn't mean to make you feel scared or pressured. I'm just scared of things but yeah...

Wait... what? Fhujeth says here “I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me....” but this whole chatlog continues to read like Fhujeth is almost threatening Chocho that they must get things right if the work is to go ahead. It’s plenty obvious that Fhujeth really wanted a custom plush from Chocho... but at the same time injecting incredible levels of fear and doubt about whether she trusted Chocho to do a good job. I don’t really know why this was the case but I know for sure that if I was in this situation I’d simply say “No, sorry, I can’t do this for you” and refuse the job. Fhujeth obviously couldn’t take this for an answer, though.

[A little while later, I offered to pay off the Karamatsu plush straight and not trade him for the plush so that Fhujeth could have the money since she needed the funds. Fhujeth still wanted the plush though, even though I wasn't sure if I could do it, so it continued...]

Fhujeth: Hey Chocho: Hi! Chocho: I have a proposal for you... Chocho: How much was the postage to get Totty and Kara idols to you? Fhujeth: For both? Well I put them in with some other stuff remember? Chocho: What would be my percentage of it? Fhujeth: Well just the Kara right? o.o Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: Let me look ;o Chocho: OK! Fhujeth: sorry if eel reallyyy shitty Fhujeth: if you saw my tumblr messages Fhujeth: my mom poisoned me Fhujeth: in short so you don't have to read Chocho: I did and that's why I'm asking this Fhujeth: Okay so he alone was 5500 + Buyee fee 150 + Yahoo Fee 200 + Domest Shiiping Fhujeth: not going to charge for consolidation Fhujeth: it was 3700 yen for all 5 items to be shipped....... the 700 is fine I'll do the other 3000 of that Fhujeth: 5500+ 350 + 1112+ 700 Chocho: Ok! Would you be willing to post him to Kaji too? Fhujeth: Yeah, when I get that other Karamatsu eventually. Chocho: If so, I'll pay you for him flat out (if I can afford to after I've paid Kazuki) so that you can put that money towards getting away from that mother that's trying to kill you. $75.57 he comes to Fhujeth: No, no, no. I want the plush from you. Chocho: We can do the plush later, you need the money more right now

[Eventually I tried again at a pattern, this time a little bigger in a rag doll style with floppy limbs. When I started making the pattern I was already on edge because of the high feeling of pressure, especially since I never know if a pattern is going to work when I first make it. When I had actually put him together, I was really quite disappointed. I felt that I had messed up his body, it was too much like a cylinder and I felt I hadn't tapered him enough to his shoulders so he looked boxy. His eyes also came out wonky (one iris/pupil a little higher than the other...) which I had no idea how had happened since it was straight in the hoop as far as I was aware. I was just incapable of seeing the plush in a good light, I felt like I hadn't hit the standard I was desperately hoping for and I felt the plush was a failure.]

Chocho: he's also naked because i don't have his clothes fabric yet Chocho: yeah i did, but he hasn't turned up in the house yet Fhujeth: Can I see nakey choro? Chocho: i'd rather not... it's... really bad Fhujeth: *it's cool if not* Fhujeth: That's fine! Chocho: i'm just going to make him my hug buddy Fhujeth: I'm sure he's not that bad! Fhujeth: I have Present Jyushi and the one time he showed up I did not be there to pet him Chocho: you thought little karamatsu was bad, this one's not much better Chocho: which sucks because it wasn't easy to make Fhujeth: I did notthink he was bad o.o Chocho: you said you didn't like him, especially his face [<- this here, unless I missed one of the logs, was a mistake on my part. Unless Fhujeth restated at some point that his face was bad too, but I don't remember specifically] Fhujeth: I think the hair through it off for me Chocho: i used craft fur on that one instead of minky Chocho: i did say that... Chocho: craft fur is lower quality and longer pile, but i wanted it to be messy Fhujeth: Yeah, but it made an illusion for me! I think if I saw him in person it'd be different for sure! I am sure it looks great (Choro)

[In the end, after I broke away from Fhujeth and gave my Chocho some clothes, I ended up falling in love with him. The clothes nicely hid the fact that his torso is a tube... XD;;; And I don't notice the eyes now, even though I know they're dorpy. I also don't have that whole pressure over my head to perform any more... So yeah.... this entire thing went WAY past the whole messy hair plush thing... it was the constant being threatened that I better do a good job and the whole air that commissioning/trading me a plush was a "risk" to her and her high set standards etc. had left me feeling hypercritical of all my attempts and feeling at a complete loss. She brought up the hair repeatedly in regards to that one, small, plush. But there were other factors too that made me absolutely want to back out, but I felt too scared to say "sorry, no... I'm not going to make this" because it had gone on so long.]

It’s definitely Fhujeth that brought up the hair issue on multiple occasions, despite using this as part of the “abuser” argument in my conversation with her. There is some context here I’m not 100% sure of but it’s more than obvious that there was a lot of injected pressure from Fhujeth regarding this commission over a period of time. There is no reason for me to believe that this was Chocho being abusive in any way.

The Fat/Slob-love situation

In my conversation with Fhujeth, the subject turned to a claim that Chocho had a thing for “slobbing up characters” which made Fhujeth uncomfortable. This is what was said to me by Fhujeth:

I lost a lot of faith and trust in having close friends because of the way they would make me feel bad if I didn't do something for them or if I mentioned that some of what they drew made me uncomfortable. (example; the drawing in reference to that chat was uhh, Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob)."

"It was more that that was all she drew. I draw some weird stuff but it's never consistent. As you can tell she has some sorta thing for slobbing up characters based on our roleplays and private interactions and literally most of Domatsu and Chochomatsu blogs being.... slob. Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

This again had me confused... I couldn’t see where the “abuse” actually came into this. I mean, fair enough, some people find certain things uncomfortable and if that is stated to the person they believe to be making them uneasy with certain types of content, they should speak up and let them know - especially if it is in a one-to-one conversation between friends.

I obviously asked Chocho about this situation and this is the explanation I got:

[See, the fat thing is funny because it was FHUJETH that kept bringing it up. We'd be talking about something completely different, or roleplaying normally and she'd bring the subject in. She KNEW I didn't like it, I said multiple times that it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't stop. I kind of wondered if she was trying to push "desensitisation" of something I don't like on me. And that bit where she said that picture of Choromatsu made her uncomfortable? That's funny too because she sent me this in one of her post-parting ways e-mails;

"There is a common reoccurring theme with your art that screams "slob love" the baggy eyes, messy hair, beer belly/guy, five o'clock shadow. It's okay to like that and I never thought it was gross even though I was well aware you were into that way before we stopped being friends. I never judged you for that because I mean, I'm a fetish artist, lol."

Also, it wasn't ME who drew obese Matsus... that was Fhujeth, I still have some pics she sent me, here.]

For the record, the image Fhujeth was referring to (”Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob”) is this one:

That, to me... isn’t what it was dramatized to be. Dad bod, anyone? “gut hanging out”? Er, nah... if that picture makes Choromatsu out to be a fat slob I really need to sort my life out!! And that arm chair isn't green...(??)

Also, salarymatsu.tumblr.com is publicly visible and the reference for his hair was from canon material (kun).

This is the Osomatsu-kun reference Chocho used for the hair:

It was Ichimatsu with the messy hair (the one with the glasses, last panel)... but this is real canon stuff about the Matsus being 30 years older than their kun age. It’s a bit of a running joke in the series that Choromatsu becomes bald but there’s absolutely nothing here to suggest a “slob” kink.

[Also, she was ALWAYS talking about fetishes. So, so often, more so than anybody I have ever met before. EVERYTHING was(/is?) a fetish to her!]

Fhujeth: The only cartoon network shows that I can argue had any kink content in them was Uncle Grandpa and Kids Next Door and the latter the director told me it didn't.

Fhujeth: Tuttle I think he gets depression after his wife dies and becomes a blob... I really like that video. XD Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;; Fhujeth: Anyways yes I wanted to share that with you since we talk of kinks a lot and that song is one of my favourite things seth macfarlane's done Chocho: It's not like I choose to talk about kinks! XD Fhujeth: But we do!

Fhujeth: How... how close to "stuffing" should I get before too much is too much because I am not very good at drawing the line between kink and not kink because I have done kink artwork and am 100% desensitized to it

[Another interesting piece of chatlog from Fhujeth is...;]

Fhujeth: I like stupid drunk losers tht are slobs

Fhujeth: Ahh ok! But I like fat slob loser characters a lot, idk why they appeal to me greatly... especially ones that are unaware of how lame they are

Wait... you what?? Fhujeth was blaming Chocho for being into this as a kink and using it in her argument as to why Chocho was an abuser. This is evidence that it was in fact THE OTHER WAY ROUND and the accusation is blatant projection. I don’t get it - why use this as an argument when it’s an obvious lie?? Like I said earlier, if something makes someone uncomfortable, they should speak up. But as proven in the chatlogs it was in fact Fhujeth that liked “fat slob loser characters a lot” or “stupid drunk losers that are slobs”.

There was a LOT more chatlog suggesting Fhujeth liked to bring up fat in random conversations that were, in general, unrelated.

Chocho: Why does Karamatsu go around with his arms crossed in those clothes Chocho: Only in those Chocho: There seems to be no reason Fhujeth: Karamatsu: *feels fat* Totty: OF ALL THE CLOTHES*

Fhujeth: originally a black and white character, is just a fat pig now Fhujeth: Btw this show if you never saw it is brilliant Chocho: Ichimatsu: Actually Todomatsu then Fhujeth: Totty: :// IIRC: She is even depicted as super fat and can't fit into things and like eats an entire car. I feel like there was an episode she gets stuck somewhere from being so fat and she can't get outside to a food mobile that comes every rare time. Chocho: She doesn't look that fat! XD; Fhujeth: They change it for the show, it's very.... cartoonish Chocho: Ahhh okay! Fhujeth: Like, at certain times they make her fatter

Fhujeth:XDD Totty: I'l commission you - Draw Karamatsu really fat and ugly.... and then make his head normal... you know Chocho: XD Fhujeth: Totty, wait, he already is like that Chocho: Karamatsu: ... 8( Totty!

Fhujeth: dayon has a big head. Chocho: XD Chocho: yes Chocho: DAYOOOOOOOOON Fhujeth: and on a perspective level that person is tall Fhujeth: and the one in green is tall Chocho: Yes. XD Chocho: Well, I still think the Matsus are short Fhujeth: they were tall as kids Fhujeth: at least in 66 kun Fhujeth: xD they look like giants Chocho: I love that bit before that though, where they call Karamatsu an idiot and he's all hurt Chocho: XD Chocho: Yeah, but in 66 kun they change height all the time. XD; Fhujeth: "I'm not an idiot" :( Chocho: Karamatsu: *wiggly mouth* Fhujeth: i bought those tickets because i care Chocho: And all the merch. XD Chocho: .... something weird goes on with his body here.. Chocho: ???? Fhujeth: Totty: It's the fat inside him Chocho: XD Chocho: It just couldn't take being called an idiot Fhujeth: THE FUCK DID HE SAY JUST NOW Chocho: XD Chocho: "How so"????

Fhujeth: Totty: Hah, if Choromatsu Niisan wants to do that then I'll go to his stinky idol club and make a fool of himself in front of nyaachan. Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: Yeah, exactly Chocho: Feel free to get Totty to get Chocho's dick out in front of Nyaa-chan Chocho: And do whatever with it! Fhujeth: So he sneaks back stage using his "Totty Charisma Charm" and makes a fool of himself. OK! Yeah! This is fun :D Chocho: That doesn't involve a knife or irreperable damage, hahaha Yeah Fhujeth: it was an ideaaaaa ;.; Chocho: Totty can do things like join Nyaachan and idol fansites and post dick pics and nudes Chocho: No no, I mean, you can do dick things. XD Chocho: Just not involving knives Fhujeth: Totty: I AM CHOROMATSU MATSUNO I AM A REAL FAT OTAKU WITH NO PRIDE. I HAVE TWELVE BROTHERS SO IF YOU SEE A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE ME ITS TOTALLY NOT ME BECAUSE I AM GROSS AND NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE EXCEPT TO GO TO IDOL SHOWS :>

[This particular chatlog was about a "bodyswap" event we were going to do between Chochomatsu and Totally-Totty where the two (in each others bodies) go off to try and ruin each other's reputation.]

Chocho: Choromatsu's muttering that he'd like some boobies wrapped around him Chocho: Preferably belonging to Totoko and Nyaa-chan Chocho: Because he's scared of everybody else Fhujeth: Kara's man boobs Fhujeth: jk Chocho: I think that's something that people don't tend to realise with these guys... Or at least Karamatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu... Chocho: They're virgins... they're nerds and they're (deep down) introverted... they're scared of girls.. they're gagging for it, but they don't know what they're doing and it's been so long that when a girl DOES approach them, they panic Chocho: Jyushimatsu's too 8D to be bothered by it I think... Totty's practised with being around girls and Osomatsu is just... XD Chocho: But the other 3 don't have a clue what they're doing Chocho: Karamatsu acts like he's this hot piece of meat, but as soon as he actually potentially gets a date

["Kara's man boobs" was, of course, not in regards to ANYTHING we had been talking about. I ignored it.]

Chocho: Besides how weird that is Chocho: Lice prefer clean hair. Apparently. Not that Ichimatsu's hair wouldn't be clean, it's not even that messy Fhujeth: what a werid ask Chocho: Right? Chocho: *picks nose* Fhujeth: xD Fhujeth: ughhh Fhujeth: Totty: Ok, when I say Kara is fat he's not Chubby. -.- Chocho: Ichimatsu: What's the difference Fhujeth: Totty: He's.... fat... *does motion like pregnant*

[The "weird ask" "lice" part was in regards to an ask Chocho got mentioning about how anon was concerned that Ichimatsu would have lice because of his hair. I answered that one fairly close to the end of when I was interested in working on the blog if you really want to see it. The fat comment wasn't in regards to anything that we had been talking about.]

Chocho: This is actually a redraw of something from 2002/3 Fhujeth: Are those all saying he needs to lose weight? Chocho: No. XD Fhujeth: Oh

Fhujeth: Yeah! "Karamatsu Tax" Totty: He's so fat he has to be charged mroe to be drawn.

[This was in a conversation about somebody young who wanted to commission me, but had no money, who had been passed my details by somebody who had no idea that they couldn't afford to commission anybody. I had a waiting list for domatsu commissions at that point, so I couldn't warrant doing anybody artwork for free in that style (I didn't even have time to draw art for myself!) but the person wasn't taking no for an answer. Just before going to pressure the person who gave the young person a recommendation to come to me, Fhujeth said this. I won't share the rest of the log, because it has details (names/urls) about the young person and the person who pointed them in my direction. It was a misunderstanding from their part, so it's not fair to and I won't put them on the spot. This just had nothing to do with the subject.]

Chocho: ah, they're around Fhujeth: AHH Fhujeth: I'll try to see if choromatsu becomes available Fhujeth: i need Fhujeth: tots Chocho: ded Fhujeth: No sign of Pink Legless man yet! The only way he could lose that weight was cutting it off :( Chocho: who totty? Chocho: i take it the idea of that machine is to push kara off the platform? Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: however that is don Chocho: e Fhujeth: just.... poke at hit until his fatass falls off... probablly.... seeing if you can scoop it otherwise just start at one end and try to push it in one direction then flip to the other end x.x it looks money consuming Chocho: there is only one claw Fhujeth: Yeah I mean by one side being his butt and then head Chocho: i see Chocho: i don't care for that one anyway, i only want choros

[This was about that online crane game you can win real prizes from, Toreba I think? Fhujeth was talking about the available prizes and how to win them.]

Chocho: choro's the rude one? Fhujeth: XD No. Totty knows he was wrong, he feels really bad. I think he'll get flung back and remain there like, "X.x" and then when he comes to try to "make it up" to his big brother whether it be getting in the way or mentioning that his brother has some issues with his shirt Fhujeth: or fat

[wait what]

What indeed... why is fat being randomly brought up as a subject in the middle of conversations so much if Fhujeth knew Chocho didn’t like it? If I know one of my friends doesn’t like something I don’t try to constantly push it in their face. This, to me, is an example of abuse in the opposite direction to what Fhujeth is claiming.

Fhujeth: My mom LOVES to watch the fat people shows like about the people so fat that they are like nothing but blobs and then they lose the weight

Fhujeth: Totty: EHHH? *huff* I.... I don't care either. Fhujeth: TottY: I DON'T CARE! (almost wrote cake) Chocho: chocho: sure! Fhujeth: Totty: To prove I don't care I will wear this fatsuit. Chocho: chocho: go on then Chocho: chocho: post photos of you in it to twitter too

Fhujeth: Jyushimatsurepliez took the leaf off Totty and now Totty is a Tanuki I'ma draw him kinda fat but not with big balls Fhujeth: But fat animals are not gross like people

Fhujeth: Finally Totty is fat xD

[By the last month this was what MOST of the conversations were about, it always went back to fat, not because I wanted it to. Where my text is lower case, it's because I was fucking done, I was so sick of this topic, the only way I could bounce it back was using humour.]

I would be fucking done by this point too. If someone I thought was a friend was constantly throwing a subject I didn’t like at me, despite me saying I didn’t like it and I don’t want to talk about it, I’d be seriously pissed off.

Fhujeth: I really like Choro! Actually that was one I paid for too today was the idol choro mascot plush, I wonder if he'll be fat Fhujeth: I'll get him in a few days! Fhujeth: And hopefully he'll... be skinny. Fhujeth: but if he is fat he is ffat Fhujeth: Then we know. Fhujeth: But if he is skinny then you were blessed. Chocho: "blessed"

[This was out of nowhere too. For context with that plush, I ordered a Choromatsu from the second set of the first plush (I think?) that were available? It's the small keychain "mascot" where Choromatsu is in the green flannel shirt with glowsticks and a bandana. When mine came, he was overstuffed which made his face look... wide... I was somewhat upset because he was nowhere near what the first one looked like, I wanted one that looked like the one from the first set. Apparently by getting a "fat" Choro, I was "blessed".]

In my conversation with Fhujeth, she claimed this:

Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

Chocho gave me this chatlog to explain that the topic was, again, brought into the roleplay by Fhujeth - not the other way round:

Fhujeth: Totty: All old people have hard candy in their pockets, Choromatsu-niisan... It helps them remember what it's like to feel teeth. Chocho: chocho: no idea what you're talking about Fhujeth: Totty: *finds one* Ewww, it's sticky... Fhujeth: Totty: You should use this... *runs away and returns with a green bumbag/fannypack* Chocho: chocho: why would it be sticky in a wrapper in a bag? Fhujeth: Totty: It must've melted. Fhujeth: Totty: *it's not sticky* Chocho: chocho: if you don't want it, give it back Fhujeth: Totty: I want it... Fhujeth: Totty: *opens and eats it* :3c *realizes this was in his brothers pocket* *smiles still despite realizing how gross it is being in an old man's pocket too* :3c;;;;;;;; *spits it out* Fhujeth: Totty: It tastes good at least! Fhujeth: Totty: Is there a bag of fresh ones? Fhujeth: Totty: *carefully places bumbag on Choromatsu's waist* Hopefully it's not too small~ Fhujeth: Totty: *tightens it all the way, too tight* Chocho: chocho: argh why?!?!?! Fhujeth: Totty: Hmm it seems really tight on you... Fhujeth: *steps back, hand on chin Chocho: chocho: what are you doing to me?! you're trying to kill me Chocho: chocho: again Fhujeth: Totty: I'm giving you this bag to store candy and goods in! Chocho: chocho: stop tying it up so tight, i'm not a child i don't need the child setting!! Chocho: chocho: that HURTS you know! just like if i did it to you!! Fhujeth: Totty: Ah, you're right.. *loosens all the way* There, fat old man setting. *it still fits on him* Chocho: chocho: THERE IS NO "FAT OLD MAN" SETTING Chocho: chocho: todomatsu... *puts his hand on tottys shoulder* i'm sorry to break it to you, but... i'm not actually fat Chocho: chocho: here, let's see how YOU like it! *swiftly takes off the bag, whips it onto totty and yanks the strap as tight as it will go, harshly in a matter of a couple of seconds* Fhujeth: Totty: ... :S *ithurts* AGHHHH >< It's tight Chocho: chocho: hmm? what's that? it's tight? does it hurt? what a shame *huffs and stomps off* Fhujeth: Totty: *teary eyed immediately* Fhujeth: Totty: AHH TAKE IT OFF! *can't find the snappy part to undo it* CHOROMATSU-NIISANNNNNN!!!!! Chocho: chocho: *long gone*

[Just reading this I am so done, hahahaha! This is another example of us roleplaying and Fhujeth making it about how fat Chocho is. As I said, I just shrugged it off with humour. It ended up being about ridiculing Choromatsu and/or him being fat because she MADE it about it. She knew I didn't like it, so it always came up.]

I mean... this RP just looks playful and silly without context... but with all the above chatlogs taken into account, the obsession with fat and slobs evidently wasn’t coming from Chocho.

Chocho sent this to me which was posted by Fhujeth after the end of their friendship:

“Stop talking to other people”

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth was a claim that Chocho had told her to stop talking to so many other people so that Fhujeth had more time to talk to important people, i.e. Chocho:

It was little things like demanding that I stop "stretching myself thin so I can chat with the people who matter (her)" instead of jumping around from the dozen or so convos I am in a day.

Chocho showed me this chatlog of that event:

totally-totty The second the drama was done that is why I went and messaged you on domatsu to tell you my reply so you could see it in the morning but I was just getting over anxiety attack and stuff. I didn't want to tell you to go away or anything because I liked knowing you were right there... chochomatsu To be honest, trying to guilt trip me into swallowing my feelings isn't fair either really. totally-totty I dunno. I guess I just do the wrong things. chochomatsu It's not a case of telling me to go away, I would have still been there I know what it's like to have something come up where your mind feels stretched thin and you need to focus on one thing at once as it's really important totally-totty I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings. chochomatsu So really, you should have just said something like "hold on, I'm having a crisis with a friend over here, it's serious", I don't see anything wrong with that totally-totty I will remember to do that. I am learning just now I have so much to learn socially and that I am still so socially under developed with dealing with other people and that I am fucking retarded. I'm really bad with other people's feelings. chochomatsu Calling yourself "fucking retarded" is another form of guilt tripping, by the way.. trying to make the other person feel guilty for being hurt by your actions totally-totty No. I am not asking you to feel guilty about it. I need to get better and learn. I know I have flaws I need to work on it. chochomatsu That's why I'm telling you how it's coming across, that's all totally-totty Thank you. totally-totty I'm really sorry about yesterday it just started off hectic with the auction, I am sure you know that is very high pressure. So after that I was all antsy and didn't feel like drawing so I went around and just cleaned my whole room and then I swam and then I finally sat back down and we chatted some and I was sorta spaced out and then the drama with my friend started and I immediately went into that anxiety shock, you know what I mean? That anxiety shock where it's all, "omg, omg." totally-totty When I was antsy I also started a bunch of other chat conversations with people. x.x So I was distracted with those all day. So I was ignoring them all... I jumped around and would forget them all.

But back to us. I'm really sorry. It's weird when you're not on anymore... haha. I didn't mean to make you think you were annoying or bothersome, either. chochomatsu That's why I don't talk to many people at once totally-totty I'm starting to think I need to stop talking to so many people now. It's really mucked with things. chochomatsu The feeling of complete and utter disconnection and lack of care you get from somebody spreading their conversation capability so thin is extremely damaging Especially when it's from somebody you really enjoy or need to talk to totally-totty I agree, and I have noticed this has been happening especially as of late. Which is why I need to stop it. Because I'd rather talk to the friends I care about than other people.

[So... I didn't even bring it up, she was the one who said it. I just gave reasons as to why it might help her (and the people she talks to, not just me).]

Yeah, I’m not seeing abuse from Chocho here either. Chocho may have given a reason as to why she thought Fhujeth was doing damage to their friendship by trying to talk to many people at once, but isn’t this a valid concern? Fhujeth seemed to take it well here and agree with the stance. Also I do see manipulation of Chocho by Fhujeth with things like “I am fucking retarded” in an attempt to get a sort of “No you are not” response.

Another claim from Fhujeth was this:

It was little things that getting mad at me for being friends with some other people that hated Choromatsu.

Chocho had this to say:

[I never got mad at Fhujeth for being friends with anybody. I admit I got frustrated at people who hated on Choromatsu endlessly, but I'm sure anybody who had their favourites get hated on would feel the same way. I vented to Fhujeth about it, but never, ever attacked her over it. Who she's friends with is none of my business.]

Venting is wholly different than being mad at someone. There doesn’t seem to be chatlogs of this event from either side unfortunately.

Chochomatsu = Domatsu

This goes back to one of Fhujeth’s main claims of abuse from Chocho - that Domatsu and Chochomatsu were two blogs run by the same person but that Chocho refused to tell Fhujeth about it despite them being friends. Fhujeth said this to me:

We talked all day every day and we did the ask blog thing together. For me, it felt like a massive breach of trust when she pretended to be someone else to me. It's okay to want to start new but to lie to your friend that you're not someone is.... that feels very unsavoury.

Asking Chocho, this is the explanation:

Chocho: Interesting that she puts Chocho highly already though Chocho: He's existed for what half a month Fhujeth: Yeah you seem really tense Chocho: Yeah. =( Chocho: I have the magazine pic, your body pillow, jussy's commissions, that plush (Bob), THE NEXT DOMATSU UPDATE, chocho's asks, this birthday thing, just paid twice for my birthday present, probably going to have to do that again when Chibita finally shows up... Chocho: I'm trying!

[This is proof that Chocho existed for less than half a month by the time I told Fhujeth. I didn't tell ANYBODY about Chochomatsu at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the blog. If I had told anybody, even my closest friends, I would have basically had to be committed to it and I didn't want to seal myself in on a blog I wasn't even sure I'd keep. After a week or so, I felt I wanted to keep Chocho, so I let Fhujeth in on it and my other closest friends outside the fandom (I didn't really have any friends in the fandom besides Fhujeth. Funny that, huh?). Fhujeth was the only one who took offense. (Also, in regards to "we did the ask blog thing together"? That's because she always forced her way into my blog stories and pressured me when I wanted to use my own Totty. I wasn't allowed to even concept asking another Totty blog to be my Totty for any particular post.]

So, what, 2 weeks that Fhujeth didn’t know Chochomatsu and Domatsu were the same person? I am again finding myself not being able to see where the abuse is. Even if it had been kept a permanent secret, it’s another case of this multiple alias thing just... being a thing in the creative arts. Why is it abusive?

To follow on from the subject of Totty blogs, Chocho gave me some explanation as to what that meant:

Chocho: If I legit went and made a Totty blog instead, you'd let me rot domatsu? Fhujeth: No, what I meant was more like... Fhujeth: I don't think I could stand a chance against you and I'd probably have to quit myself. Fhujeth: And I'd see it as competitiion, I guess. Chocho: Why would you do that? Chocho: You know I can't write Totty as well as you Fhujeth: Because there is absolutely no way in hell I can compete with your art. Chocho: Character portrayal is more important than art though Fhujeth: well, not really on tumblr people care about art lots ;.; well, in the end of it all I'd be incredibly hurt like, "Errr, there's 6 guys and you legit going to drop the one to pick the one I play even tho we work so closely together now I'm doomed and we can't work together so much and now I guess we're frenemies." Basically I'd handly it all in a very immature and very bad fashion because I have a very childish competitive nature.... But you are more than welcome to I just wouldn't be able to handle it at all like a grown adult. Fhujeth: its not a threat lmao I legit don't think I;d handle it well XD I already get really competitive when I see other Totty blogs Chocho: Well, don't worry, I wouldn't. I only asked since you said you'd only let me if it was to make a Totty blog? Chocho: I think? Fhujeth: Noooo. Fhujeth: I don't want domatsu to rot at all I love it Chocho: *only let me quit Fhujeth: yeah because the immature fraction of my brain would say, "Uhhhhh...... this person who was my friend is now my enemy" Fhujeth: like blanca was thinking of making a todomatsu universe I said, "NO" Fhujeth: Not like that Chocho: Uh... how do you feel about my Totty then? =S Fhujeth: I like him! Fhujeth: But since you don't have him as a dedicated blog... Fhujeth: I'm not like, scared. Fhujeth: That he'll become something I have to worry over. Fhujeth: Since you're Karamatsu to me... Fhujeth: of course I don;t OWN him either I just don't want to get competitive Fhujeth: against friends... because I get really bad. Fhujeth: I am crazy agressive competitive person if I wanna be.... or I give up if I don't think I can do it. Fhujeth: this is a bad side of me... Fhujeth: a really bad side of me Chocho: Even if I gave him his own blog, it'd work in the same way as the rest of them. Fhujeth: Right, that is OK. I mean.... your Oso blog doesn't take asks and all really... Fhujeth: Wow I can already tell I would handle this terribly. Fhujeth: I am feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, God I am so immature :/ At least I am aware of this flaw but still... damn. Chocho: I'm not going to make a Totty ask blog, don't worry Fhujeth: T-Thank you..... Fhujeth: You're allowed to though. Fhujeth: I'd figure you'd go for Choro Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: I'm sorry....... Fhujeth: For how I just was Chocho: Oh, no, don't worry

Fhujeth: I just hope I didn't make you hate Totty Chocho: No Fhujeth: Did you fall out of love with him tho? Chocho: The only thing is that I feel pressured not to include him in blog things (as mine solo) because you've told me in the past that he's yours Fhujeth: Oh, I don't mean like that you can do that.. Chocho: So if you feel like he's not there much it's because I feel you'd be angry with me if I gave him screen time or his own blog Fhujeth: Hmm, I would feel nervous about his own blog but not screen time.... Chocho: Exactly Fhujeth: Because you do so much better than me... XD;; it's more like Chocho: That's why he's not around Fhujeth: You could basically run me out of business... I guess... Chocho: I really doubt it Fhujeth: Look how fast Chocho grew and he is the same popular as Todo Chocho: Apparently he became one of the more expensive ones, so I don't think that's true... Fhujeth: i dunno. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want. Fhujeth: ^^ Fhujeth: If you run me out of business you run me out of business it's just the way it'd go. XD Chocho: I can't run anybody "out of business", it's not a business. ._. People haven't stopped with Karamatsu or Choromatsu blogs because domatsu and chochomatsu exist for example... Chocho: I managed to get enough for a gacha again and I got red hoodie Osomatsu. =/ Fhujeth: No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point". That is what I got and I was so mad. Fhujeth: But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you. Chocho: And that's why Todomatsu isn't around at all on my blogs Because it would be my fault if you quit Chocho: It's not that I don't like him, more that I'm... not really allowed Fhujeth: Ahh, no, please, don't say that. Fhujeth: Please do what you want. Fhujeth: ==inadifferentveinifeellikeishouldquitnowsighs== why is this all so complicated. can we talk this out just so you can understand where I come from and then you can see that you can do as you wish? :3 Chocho: See? Now I've made you want to quit just by saying that I wanted to separate dematsu into 4 blogs. =S Fhujeth: You can Chocho: I know where you're coming from, you've explained before Chocho: But this is why Totty hasn't been around on my end, that's all Fhujeth: It's not like it's going to be super active or anything like chocho or domatsu .... Chocho: Respecting your wishes Fhujeth: no? Or is it Chocho: It is! You told me you didn't want me to be Totty and that you would feel threatened and annoyed if I did Fhujeth: It would be more active? Please do as you wish. Please don't let me stop you.. Fhujeth: Honest. Fhujeth: But now I feel bad because you want to do something and you feel like I am stopping you. Fhujeth: All I was doing was expressing my feelings but I didn't want you to actually not do something because of me. I am not that selfish. I'll deal with it on my own. Chocho: Nah, it's fine. As long as you know that it's not that I don't like Totty! Fhujeth: I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something. Fhujeth: I'm really torn right now. Fhujeth: I'm gonna go away for a while and lay down... x.x I am too conflicted. I do not own a character, so please, by all means, you have every right. Chocho: This is why I didn't do anything! >_< Fhujeth: But you want to!

This is quite an obvious example of gaslighting... “You could basically run me out of business” ... “Don't let me stop you from doing what you want.” ... “No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point".” ... “But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you.” ... “Please do what you want.” ... “I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something.” ... “But you want to!”

Seriously... that is some powerful manipulative flip-flopping in an attempt to scare Chocho out of making a Totty blog.

Back to the issue of Chochomatsu and Domatsu being the same person...

[Also, she approached Chocho and pressed for conversation, not the other way around.]

05/19/2016 mr-flag hii ^^ welcome to the ask blog world! I am gonna answer you ask, sorry it';s coming form this blog you only follow this of my blogs <3 I am totally-totty too your choro is super cute <3 I might answer it though in a bit I am not sure yet the timing I have..... I wanna answer it now.... chochomatsu Oh! I thought I was following your Totty blog! I can see it on my dash right now! :O Are you sure? Maybe I need to unfollow and follow again???

[Chocho's blog was started on the 17th of May, 2016. Fhujeth approached the blog on the 19th of May 2016. 2 days after the blog was born.]

Chocho went on to explain that Fhujeth had been accusing her of having a Totty blog before the end of working on the Domatsu blog:

Fhujeth: you are capable of a lot.... i'd not be surprised if you had a totty blog already and I didn't know of it XD Fhujeth: not that you'd be that deceptive Chocho: I'd ummed and ahhed about Chocho for a couple of months before I did him... and I hesitated before I posted him first post even... I felt really guilty about him to be honest. Nah, I really really don't have a Totty blog I have domatsu and it's partner blogs, Chocho and Wakuwaku. And I don't do anything with Waku... since he chills out on Chocho's blog all the time. Fhujeth: Oh I am not accusing you of one...

[She was falsely accusing me of having a Totty blog back before I had even stopped doing Domatsu too. She accused me of a lot to be honest, with no grounds. And how do you prove you don't have something when you don't have something? She always put me on the spot for things I couldn't prove otherwise because they didn't exist.]

“Oh I am not accusing you of one...” Oh really? That’s what it sounds like to me.

In my experience, Fhujeth has been accusing Chocho of running a Totty blog for a very long time. A lot of people in this fandom already know that Fhujeth accused Chocho of being Todomatshu/Shu/Boots - another good friend of mine. This is in fact connected to the Totty Club situation as Shu was the founder and the one maintaining the list of members and such. The Totty Club drama is of course where most of my bad experiences with Fhujeth come from and it is difficult to prove to someone that two blogs are two different people when both people have been scared into not wanting anything to do with Fhujeth at all. I don’t have saved proof, but I have personally witnessed Chocho and Shu in a drawpile session together, working on separate drawings at the same time.

Fhujeth’s words:

totty Like I said too, I wasn't there at the drawpile. I guess one of my other friends was and said something how Chocho emulated Shu's style effortlessly and flawlessly but that is all I know. It falls back down to proof, again. I wasn't there just like you weren't there. I don't know. I'm not going to tell people Shu is Chocho. I don't even bring any of them up in name anymore.

I know which friend Fhujeth is talking about and this is not the same drawpile session I’m talking about. They weren’t there. In fact this friend she mentions is almost certainly the one that leaked chat from the Totty Club discord we had that triggered a lot of the drama with Fhujeth to begin with. I wish I had proof of the drawpile claim but I don’t. I didn’t think to take screenshots - we were all busy drawing and having fun. To this day I get the very strong impression that Fhujeth still believes Chocho and Shu are the same person.

I can’t give chatlogs as proof that they aren’t the same person as no logs I have access to have anything that would prove or disprove anything to do with this issue. The only other thing I can possibly add to this is that in the days of the Totty Club discord I could occasionally see Chocho and Boots (Shu) typing at the same time. Again, no proof, I don’t record my screen!

This entire situation was abusive to all of us. It ripped the Totty Club apart - people were unable to trust other members, Shu in particular, because of Fhujeth’s unfounded claims. As always, Chocho preferred to remain quiet about anything to do with Fhujeth at the time. I have to say I now understand why that was. I also finally understand why Fhujeth was so persistent about Shu being Chocho - she was STILL paranoid that Chocho was running a Totty blog and was attempting to be in direct competition with her.

The Pain Incident

Before I go on with this issue I have to explain why this is the last one I’m bringing up despite it being one of the main things Fhujeth presented as evidence that Chocho was abusive to her. It needs everything that has been explained previously to make sense and to give context, otherwise it comes across as very one-sided and it’s hard to see why the things being said are actually being said. The events of the previous months lead up to this final situation.

First of all, the claim Fhujeth presented to me:

Uhh. Okay, day before is what we're talking about. We were in a convo and she was super into collecting all the Choros for it so the first thing she said was like, "aww I didn't get X choro in the roll" she immediately showed me a drawing after that and I replied with a very stock reply of, "I'm sorry" or something, but as I was sitting down my back just died on me. So I started to panic like, "oh my god I am in so much pain holy shit ahhhhhhafsdgsdfhgdhdg" which obviously caused me to not reply to the drawing cause I was in physical pain and now spazzing about how i'm at home alone and scared and that idk what to do and I can't call anyone and idk where my mom is and i am scared. I was freaking out. She mentioned the drawing again but I just was sorta like.... in freaking out mode by then. I eventually got to the floor, got proper care after laying on the floor home alone for an hour with the anxiety now that my friend hated me and that I was home alone and couldn't move. After my mom came home and I got treated for the pain I came up to apologize on utox and what not and the last message she had written was, "ugh whatever i'm gonna go watch tv"

When I brought this part up with Chocho...

[This is another thing that needs FAR more backstory than Fhujeth gives... but of course she wouldn't give the whole story I suppose... =T In any case, this event happened after months and months of her complaining about her back pain (and other pains, she was just apparently constantly in pain and on pain medication) and shooting down my ideas for ways to get it seen to or ease the apparent pain. Eventually, especially by the last month, I was sick of hearing it and starting to doubt it was actually as bad as she always said it was. It ALWAYS came up, but she was NEVER willing to do anything about it because money and weed is more important.]

Fhujeth: Yeah. I hope I can. x.x I am like, really.... blah. Chocho: Do you think it has to do with the med you had to drop and the lack of weed at all? =( Chocho: Some kind of withdrawal symptoms? Fhujeth: Oh, hey, would you be willing to reblog my promo post? You don't have to... because you probably don't want that on your wall right now, but yeah. Any withdrawl would be gone now. Chocho: Combined with the pain of your slipped disc Chocho: Cos that is not pleasant Fhujeth: I am used to the pain, that is not like, a thing that gets me. Chocho: Pain gets to anybody. u.u Fhujeth: It adds to it but it's not like.... what is angering me. Chocho: Is it the education thing? Chocho: Also, brb!! Fhujeth: Nah, it's the "I am pissed at my friend for not keeping me away from game centers even if I beg because I have no self control and will pile through hundreds of dollars easy because I am mentally sick and can't control myself even tho I begged them the other day to keep me away." Fhujeth: "I am pissed at them too for forgetting that shop exists after I spent a TOOOOON of money on blind bags.

Wow... just to comment here... that’s really not your friend’s responsibility. If you can’t control your own spending don’t put the blame on someone else! You’re saying right there that you have no self control and yet you’re pissed at someone else...

Fhujeth: Ahhh the chronic pain is so... Fhujeth: awakening Chocho: Your slipped disc? =( Chocho: I bet it is! Fhujeth: yeah and then like just pain everywhere else it's kinda messed up Chocho: How are you, besides your disc? =< Fhujeth: Sore xD Chocho: <=( How long have you been suffering this for? Fhujeth: Since I got here for sure uhhh, for the one on the higher part my back, since 2012 I had diagnosed a disc in my lumbar that was out but it is ok now Chocho: Hmm... >_< Can they pop back in place? Fhujeth: I don't have health insurance atm Fhujeth: so I can't get it treated Chocho: I meant on their own. =( Fhujeth: It could I guess Fhujeth: depends on the damage Fhujeth: basically it's really tender at this one spot and then it causes all the muscles to tense around it Fhujeth: and all the walking has been really bad Fhujeth: I get back from going out and the pain is so intense Chocho: Yeah... =( Hmm.. Can you get a hold of heat or massage packs that might help? Fhujeth: I have.... some menthol strips I been sticking on they help a bit Chocho: Mm! At least you have something! ;o; Fhujeth: yeah :D Fhujeth: and ibuprofen Chocho: Ibuprofen is amazing

Chocho: Yeah, came back from the doctor and Zenryoku Batankyu had finally arrived. =D Fhujeth: Ramen is not really healthy and the high sodium must ause inflamation and I am in insane pain today from it!! AHHH Congrats!!!! I should pick up those CDs Fhujeth: so are you ok :3 like from the doctor? Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;;; Yeah, that's not good... I hope you feel better!

Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: Woow!! Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: That is already more support than I have gotten @-@ That is so cool! Fhujeth: ahh i feel crappppy Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* I miss my Dad. =( Ahhh, still bad? ;m; Is there anything you can take? Fhujeth: ahh I am sorry you miss him ;.; Fhujeth: Yeah, weed, but I am waiting on my damn mom to finish with the laundryyyyyy Chocho: I haven't gotten to see him in a few years now, darn lack of money. Ohhh, would weed help then? Fhujeth: it helps me with pain, most. XD; It makes me forget I am in it.

Just to be completely clear, that chatlog has obvious edits to protect the privacy of Chocho and her father.

Fhujeth: Totty: See? I'm a lot cuter, and I have like, a better personality, and my eyebrows are well shaped and maintained. :3 Chocho: Ichimatsu: *holds up another drawing similar to the first except it has "shaped eyebrows" drawn on* Fhujeth: Totty: o_o *pulls out phone and checks self* No, wait, that could be deceiving me *runs to body length mirror in closet* *looks ok* ??? Fhujeth: (ugh my joints hurt) Chocho: Is it all the pain? =( Fhujeth: i dunno they just hurt all the sundde l.l Fhujeth: sudden^ Chocho: Hmm.... have you been tensing because of the rash? Fhujeth: not sure o.o Fhujeth: I'm sooo tired tho Chocho: I really hope the doctor can help on Monday. =(

Chocho: The idol otaku I mean Fhujeth: I am looking for those online @-@ They were lottery prizes too Fhujeth: it looks like there was when I was looking a big set and a small set, only the big set has choro and kara with the jackets and all Chocho: Yeah, I wanted the big set! Fhujeth: they look cute! if i seem weird today it's because I am in intense pain !! Chocho: Okay, I hope you feel better. =(

Fhujeth: like the one in the tv Fhujeth: ? Chocho: I imagine so! Fhujeth: it hurts to moveee ffff Chocho: Like the one on South Park Fhujeth: I might lay down with the tens unit -- yeah! Chocho: Okay! I hope you feel better!! Chocho: Thanks for listening to a part of my teens. XD Fhujeth: Not right now! I need to draw... but it just so distracting. No problem same for me! Fhujeth: You said someone you know how a disc issue right? Chocho: Oh, yeah, my Dad has I think Fhujeth: ok ^^ Chocho: Why do you ask? Fhujeth: if you know how it is like at all :o Chocho: Well, I don't have it personally.. =o Fhujeth: Mine is pretty painful at times! Like, "this hurts a lot I might puke" painful

Chocho: I love all the spinning they put into these intros, hahaha Chocho: Skillz Chocho: ZARD... ;m; Fhujeth: i miss the mid 00 Fhujeth: s Chocho: 8th opening with the dancing. XD Chocho: I don't miss the 00s at all Chocho: It was more of a time of suffering for me than I even realised Fhujeth: For me i grew a lot. if I reply slow right now it is because i wanna finish this art and go lay downb ecause pain

Chocho: I wouldn't want to send out my rare badge and get nothing Fhujeth: True! Fhujeth: ahh i slept really bad on my back Fhujeth: i am in so much pain i can't focus that is why i am on so late Chocho: Did you take some painkillers? =(

Fhujeth: Thanks! Chocho: No probs! Fhujeth: "wh-why is everything distorted" Fhujeth: Heh I wish I didn't have caffiene addiction so I didn't have to drink cofffee this morning! Chocho: How come? Fhujeth: It's a stimulant so it's going to make my anxiety worse too.. Though the inital effects the the pot should be out of my system by now I am confused @_@ Oh well. I wish it would stop. I'll shut up about it XD Chocho: I hope it passes for you, really! Fhujeth: I hope it passes too because it's more painful to be sitting on the computer and being awake and trying to be alive than it is laying in bed pretending I don't exist! I'm fighting so hard to go back to bed and not exist!

Chocho: Karamatsu's enjoying it at least Chocho: Vados wasn't even in the 3 episodes we watched, only the intros for a second or so Fhujeth: Sorry for not talking lots I have weird muscle pain going down my arms -.x Chocho: S'all right! Fhujeth: i've felt shitty I hope nothing is seriously wrong lmao Chocho: It's probably one huge body shock combination or jet lag and coming back from Japan and infection and tiredness Fhujeth: yeah ;.; Chocho: Probably sister and mother induced stress to put the cherry on top

Fhujeth: invisible trauma from being fickin Chocho: that's not a work book Fhujeth: nyaachan fanbook Fhujeth: omg i just sorta fixed my back but I hear if I move my disc will slip back in place Chocho: oh? Fhujeth: Yeah I used a TENS to stop all the pain and decompressed my back and it doesn't hurt right now but I am scared to move Chocho: that's no good Fhujeth: no and i guess i don't qualify for obama care or something so I do not get insurance Fhujeth: ahh well

Fhujeth: No. It stinks bad too. Chocho: as do cat farts Fhujeth: Yes. XD Fhujeth: I cannot stay up at all @_@ Chocho: too tired? Fhujeth: pain Fhujeth: and that time of month Chocho: i seeee Fhujeth: but my back being like a squished sandwich cookie is kinda gross Chocho: yeah... Chocho: i hope you feel better Chocho: wanna talk totty? Chocho: would that help at all? Chocho: cos Chocho: i mean Chocho: it's totty

Fhujeth: I accidentally hit end task when fixing something else - I have a lot to do but I am getting it done I am just freaking out some because my mom is making me do the back porch and I am only a third done, I'm in intense pain and I wanna get Jussy this commission by tonight!

Fhujeth: Are you feeling okay? Chocho: why do you ask? Fhujeth: Because you're my friend and I am concerned about your well being? Chocho: oh i meant if you thought i was acting weird or something Chocho: i have a headache and i'm peeved but otherwise ok thanks Chocho: you? Fhujeth: My back wont get better and the pain is intense no matter what I do and I'm running out of pot and the guy who was supplying me left the country I think Chocho: i remember you mentioning about the pot guy... Fhujeth: So I might be weird a few days after I 100% run out. x.x Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: But I need to figure out more pain managment ideas because it's pretty much at the point where I am unable to do very much. It's excrutiating to bend down to feed the cats and I haven't done hardly any housework in the past few weeks that required hevy lifting and when i was powerwashing the other day the pain was insane. Fhujeth: but yeah! That's how I've been! Fhujeth: Otherwise I've bene okay emotionally! Chocho: there has to be other ways Chocho: my friend goes to massage therapy and accupuncture for his pain Fhujeth: I have something that is like accupuncture! The problem is I don't have health insurance, otherwise I'd be all over physical therapy x.x Chocho: you're gonna be saving a buck by not buying weed Fhujeth: I think a session for physical therapy will cost me half a month's supply of weed Chocho: just go every 2 weeks Fhujeth: When I went they wanted me to go 2 or three times a week (I forget how many times but it was like 15 sessions) for some very specific things (sessions were 45 minutes and were workout, massage, stretch, and decompression, and TENS). I'll see if there is anything the state! I think right now my best option will have to be the way most americans manage pain... XD our ridiculously heavy duty pain killers that kill us slowly and surely.

[This log was nearing the end of us talking. She literally asked me how I was JUST to talk about how much pain SHE was in, then say she's not willing to pay for care.]

Chocho: but he gets bad bad pain Fhujeth: Ah! Ok! I have back pain! I wish had healthcare! I'll look into things more. I was thinking of getting one of those inversion tables! Chocho: heat pad might help too Fhujeth: I use heat, ice, and a mini-tens unit! (also those are great for cramp pain!) Fhujeth: Oh I remember what helped too is that stinky rub Chocho: i think if it's that bad, your pain, you should try these things out, if only a couple of times... like the massage treatment Chocho: it may well super help Fhujeth: I did twice! Fhujeth: err, I did physical therapy twice Chocho: ah well there you go Fhujeth: like 40 sessions! It helped but I went a lot. Chocho: i don't really have any other ideas Fhujeth: It's ok! Chocho: dried cranberries Fhujeth: What do those do :O Chocho: some kind of pain relief, i'm not sure

Fhujeth: I am in. So. much. Pain right now. I'm wanted to stay at the computer and still play sm but I think I'm gonna have to lay down and try to work on my back at the same time. What else do I need to do for Choromatsu and the meds :3

Fhujeth: i am so much pain i can't hardly walk Chocho: maybe you should rest.... Fhujeth: I'm gonna when the game comes try to lay on the floor with my legs up and try to get my spine to at least not hurt... gonna try to get some other work sorted first Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: Sorry for whining I'm kinda scared it's never been this bad and it wont stop Chocho: it's all right Chocho: i hjust hope you can get some relief Fhujeth: I have some vicadin it just recently expired i think...

Chocho: i looked up slipped disc treatment Chocho: "It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain. Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time. In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve. Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve. " Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: i still recommend massages Chocho: once every 2 weeks Chocho: if you're in that much pain, surely it's worth a try? Fhujeth: I have a thing I am going to start to use for massages and start with it... I think mine isn't a slipped disc though it's the next step above that (unless it's the same name) Fhujeth: But massage would def help Fhujeth: I wonder if there is a place here that can do it not as a "spa" Chocho: it would be worth looking into if you're going to not be spending that $ on weed... use it on something else to help the pain Chocho: i would Fhujeth: Yeah I know! Trust me, I know. ;.; I tried doing some other stuff like laying the way you're supposed to but it felt like uhh how to word it..... Fhujeth: I was more sore when I got up

What stood out to me in this one was just how willing Chocho still was to help Fhujeth out with her pain despite everything that Fhujeth had put her through up until now. But it’s being mentioned so much it’s difficult to know how bad the pain really is.

Chocho: good Fhujeth: Ugh I am trying to massage the area and the pain got like 50 times worse Fhujeth: I think Chocho: i think it may well be a case of worse before better Fhujeth: it might wear off Chocho: cos you're shocking the system Fhujeth: Yeah. shocking the system? Chocho: yeah, as in it's not what your back is expecting Chocho: kind of like ice stings before it numbs Fhujeth: I hope! I feel kinda tense now x.x;

[These all lead up to the "day" where I was finally done with the topic always being about how much pain Fhujeth was in and me not being all too sure how much of it was true and how much was attention seeking... turns out the time I was finally done was the worst time to be done.]

[The pain stuff, whether is was a headache, a migraine, rashes, aches after working in the garden, her back or anything else... basically started, at the latest, around April when she was in Japan (condering that we first started talking at the very end of February that year). From that point, talk about pain came up all the time, it was draining and the pain just "escalated" all the time. And it continued right up to when I said I wanted out (Which was the end of November the same year).]

The logs here are just from the utox app and Chocho says these are not all the mentions of pain from Fhujeth.

This is where we got onto talking about the ignored artwork...

[I actually shared the artwork first, then commented about the Tabimatsu event. Her back didn't "escalate" until I mentioned "let's ignore it" about the art (which to be honest, she ignored my art a fair few times before then) which I had been actually drawing out some of our roleplay we had been doing, which I had been doing to try and distract her from the apparent pain. By this point, she had been complaining about "bad pain" so much (crying wolf, basically) that I... have to say, I no longer believed the severity. Here's the chatlog. With that in mind, you can see I'm tired of this same situation over and over, it just happened to be the worst time to make a comment. Either that or she escalated it BECAUSE I made a comment? I don't know, I can't be sure, I was only on the other side of the screen. After a while she went silent, so when I decided to go watch TV with my boyfriend, I left the note saying I was. It was blunt because I was annoyed, which I assume came across as heartless to people she showed. Sadly, timestamps weren't kept, so that context is lost.

Apparently the people who she showed at least partial logs to, she didn't mention that I was drawing the pictures to entertain her and help distract her, nor that I asked if she took pain meds and if they would help. Basically the only part she kept of mine was "thanks for ignoring my pic", I was told. So THIS is the "edited chatlogs" I mentioned. Editing means conveniently dropping details from the conversation too, being that because you've only shown snippits or because you've dropped lines entirely...]

Chocho: *PIC WAS HERE* Chocho: i never managed to get school uniform choromatsu from the event before it ends Chocho: there's no way i can get enough coins for another spin before the event goes, which sucks Fhujeth: I'm sorry >< Chocho: it's okay i guess what can i do? let's ignore it [<- note, this was me hinting about the ignored artwork] Fhujeth: uhhhhh my back is Fhujeth: very bad Fhujeth: atm Fhujeth: i am home alone Chocho: thanks for ignoring my pic can you get any painkillers or do ones like ibuprofen or paracetamol not work? Fhujeth: this is emergency Chocho: or do you have any of that one that worked the other day? Fhujeth: your pic is good I like it Fhujeth: sorry I am panicing Chocho: mmhmm [<- note, this is a response to “your pic is good I like it”, not that she is panicking] Fhujeth i can't move Chocho: have you got any of the one you used the other day Fhujeth: i can't move Chocho: the one that let you sleep well Fhujeth: like my back is that much pain i can't move Fhujeth: i am like leaning ovef in my chait Fhujeth: your picture, I like it! I am really sorry I can't focus right now. I don't mean to ignore it I'm freaking out and in a lot of pain and I can't do anything Chocho: i don't have any advice left Fhujeth: there is no advice Fhujeth: i am stuck here and scared Fhujeth: and hurting Fhujeth: till my mom gets back Fhujeth: i'ma try to fb her Fhujeth: she coming home Fhujeth: im trying t figur out how to get to the floor Chocho: im going to go watch tv

This is the conversation that happened a day before the chatlog that Fhujeth gave me as evidence that Chocho didn’t care about her pain while only being interested in the fact that Fhujeth ignored an artwork. After all of the previous “I am in pain!” claims how was Chocho supposed to know that THIS one was a dire emergency? Anyone who is told about someone else’s pain that many times is going to be desensitized to it and it becomes very difficult to tell what is bad and what is REALLY bad. Because Chocho wasn’t convinced that it was apparently an emergency, Fhujeth accuses Chocho of abuse.

Fhujeth claimed that the question about painkillers was insulting:

I might've forgotten when I worded the story but I rectified that. That was something that to me was more an insult than a concern because if I am in pain OF COURSE I am going to take pain meds.

Chocho gave me these...

Fhujeth: it's just she wants me to clean always at the worst time so I try to get it done in the am Chocho: That's a good idea.. u_u Fhujeth: There, now if I have to do anything it'll be powerwash Fhujeth: which I might do in a few minutes Fhujeth: because also if this pain gets worse I'll be unable to clean at all! Chocho: Hmm.. =( Have you been taking painkillers or..? Fhujeth: I will in a bit if it gets worse it's ok right now :3 Fhujeth: roombas are great (robot vaccuums) ahh Chocho: Okay! ;w; Just don't suffer too much, all right? <3 Hahaha, I bet! XD Fhujeth: oh I wont :3

Fhujeth: ahh my head hurts Chocho: How come? D= Fhujeth: not sure o_o Chocho: Headache? Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: Can you take painkillers? D= Fhujeth: Yeah I may... brb gonna do the dishes Chocho: OK

Fhujeth: whch pattern Fhujeth: For kara? Chocho: Yeah! => Chocho: See if it's possible to shrink down Chocho: I doubt it cos it has small parts. XD Chocho: It might not even be worth trying... Fhujeth: I have a badddd migraine Chocho: Did you take painkillers? =< Fhujeth: Yeah not working x.x Chocho: Did you take paracetamol AND ibuprofen together?

Fhujeth: it's ok! also happy birthday again Chocho: Thank-you! ;w; Fhujeth: x3 no problem, I wish my head didn't hurt so bad. Chocho: Did you take ibuprofen AND paracetamol? =< You didn't answer Fhujeth: what is paracetamol? Chocho: It's a painkiller.. =o Chocho: One of the most common... Chocho: You can take it with ibuprofen as long as the ibuprofen you took doesn't have it in it. => Chocho: And it acts like a double whammy because it attacks pain in a different way Fhujeth: Ahhh, no I don't have that Chocho: Might be worth checking your painkillers to make sure they don't have it in already, then getting some if they don't! =o Fhujeth: it's hard to get that stuff here. Chocho: Is Japan really stingy with painkillers or something> Chocho: *? Fhujeth: well you can only get them in a pharmacy Chocho: Cos paracetamol is... the standard painkiller Fhujeth: I will sleep soon Chocho: Okay! ;w; Sounds like a good idea since you're in so much pain! Fhujeth: Yeah... I wanted to finish the bag but I will when I wake up. Chocho: Good idea.. =< Chocho: Don't suffer, you know? Fhujeth: Yeah x.x I am suffering at this point Chocho: You should try to rest! =< Chocho: Especially with a migraine Fhujeth: Yeah, I will sleep now!!!! Goodnight :3

Fhujeth: Back.. are you feeling betteR? Chocho: Yeah, you? Fhujeth: Nope x.x Chocho: Still in pain? Fhujeth: Yeah. ;.; Chocho: Did you take any painkillers? =) Chocho: *=( Chocho: Heh, shouldn't be smiling at that Fhujeth: it's ok XD You seemed pretty pissed at me when I left so... about to! Chocho: I was pissed at the world Fhujeth: I am used to people taking their frustrations out on me XD;; So I sorta knew you were upset about many things but I felt like I was in firing range. Did you wanna post that thing? Chocho: Ohhh no, I might have ranted about things to you but I don't go about ATTACKING my friends

[Any time she was in pain, I suggested/asked about painkillers and usually she hadn't even bothered to take them... so... painkillers were the first thing I always asked about every time.]

So hang on... every other time painkillers were brought up it was Chocho being helpful and it was appreciated... but this one time where ignored artwork also happened to be involved is was hugely insulting? I don’t get it.

And something else I’d like to mention. I’ve never seen Fhujeth mention pain before. There are endless instances of it in the logs from Chocho, but past Chocho saying goodbye to Fhujeth...?? Maybe it’s only ever in private conversations... but just a thought.

Part of Fhujeth’s conversation with me:

Ah, to add, yeah. So that event happened, I didn't log into the chat we used (utox) the next day so that night they IMd me talking just about 'Oh I guess Totty has big balls now" or something cause the yokai set came out... :S and I was like, "Wait are you for real you're not gonna ask how I am after that?"

Chocho gave more logs:

11/22/2016 chochomatsu just gotta say choromatsu is very amused that todomatsu is a tanuki and what that implies totally-totty Yeah. chochomatsu i'll leave you be

totally-totty And. The "icing on the cake" was instead of you sending me something saying, "are you ok? i know you were in a lot of pain yesterday." You had to tell me about Tanuki Balls. I think you're a great person and I like to RP and interact and chat with you but I think you think I don't care about you. chochomatsu tanuki balls? totally-totty Isn't that what your first message to me implied? chochomatsu not really besides the fact that that was trying to start conversation i wasn't even thinking about tanuki balls totally-totty What were you implying in your first message? chochomatsu tanuki's are portrayed/commonly seen as fat that's all are they supposed to have big balls too? totally-totty Yeah.

[The continuation of the "chatlog evidence" that Fhujeth cropped out, revealing that I wasn't actually talking about tanuki balls at all, but actually that tanukis are portrayed as fat, something she kept pushing on Choromatsu (and earlier, when I was working on Domatsu, Karamatsu) that is now Todomatsu instead. Even though I flat out explained myself there and then, I guess she thought that messaging her about tanuki balls was more offensive and better to use as "evidence", so she cropped the rest out.... also, one of the lines in her chatlog is out of order. Here's the true order;]

FHU'S 'EVIDENCE' ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

chochomatsu here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

TRUE ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

So... edited chatlogs? It’s a minor edit but it significantly changes the flow of the conversation in Fhujeth’s favor when read in the order Fhujeth showed it.

Additionally...

Fhujeth: I am back now! I have to try to clean my side of the house that is what I was doing the other day when we were talking when pain got me ;.; now it's all messy again and I am terrified so if I say that I am in very bad pain again it's probably the same as yesterday! I'll try not to "cry wolf" with pain that is tolerable from now on to help clear things up! Fhujeth: the day before^ Chocho: take it easy, ok?

[Fhujeth even admitted she had been crying wolf about her back pain before the fight after the event.]

[I found out later from others that Fhujeth chased all my potential friends away by spreading tiny nasty rumours about me to people who were other ask blogs in the fandom, in an attempt to keep them away from me. Telling them things like I was SO controlling and had a huge ego/bad attitude. I had no idea this was going on, but apparently she started super early into our friendship (the domatsu days, before chocho existed).]

[I found, after I had broken away from Fhujeth that I realised that she had really... muddied my mind. The way she was so quick to aggression or even a full out argument (which I really did not want) made me just nod along and agree with her nasty comments and tactics in order to defend myself from potential fallout and I felt disgusting about that after I broke away and my mind was cleared. I rarely stood up for my beliefs and morals whilst talking to her. I mean, sometimes I did? But usually I didn't. I dunno if maybe the people who talk to her now are doing that very same thing now themselves. She just had this toxic atmosphere that infects you. After I walked away I found that my mood was instantly more positive, even though she was trying her very best to destroy me publicly and privately. The absolute hell she put me and my name through after I left was actually less stressful than the frustration and pressure I had to deal with daily whilst we were talking, especially near the end.]

[Fhujeth would fight about /anything/. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed arguments (which I really, really do not) and liked to spur drama. So I would try and avoid that at all costs, not calling them out on their poor behaviour or bad morals because I didn't want to argue about things, ever. And the fights took forever, they lasted sometimes hours I think because you just can't be right against her. Even when the argument was as stupid as "what the right way to play DDR is". I could never win because she would never reconsider her opinion/point/stance. Basically the only way out of the argument was bowing down and saying "you're right, I'm wrong, you win". But of course, the response to that is always negative (and insulted) because she wants the argument to continue I suppose. And of course, if you're angry, the way you pitch "LET'S END THIS" is always going to be angry. I'm actually quite hard to anger and yet she managed repeatedly. Possibly more times in a single year than anybody on their own has managed to do (besides maybe my brother if we count my entire life). I can't believe just how many times I say I'm frustrated or angry or peeved or upset in these chatlogs looking back... it doesn't sound like me... <=/;;; Cos I'm not usually angry or peeved or upset... tired maybe... XD;;]

Fhujeth claimed to me that she was the one that tried to get away from Chocho.

That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Chocho gave me a small chatlog with her point of view...

Fhujeth: You having a good day today? Chocho: Yeaaah, enough. You? Fhujeth: Eh, was ok, Jussy did something minor but irritating to me Chocho: Really? =S What did she do? Fhujeth: she messaged me on two seperate accounts of mine within 5 minutes of each other saying Hi on one and "boop" on the other at 5am XD Chocho: Ugghhh... you might wanna tell her that it was 5am and you didn't appreciate it... Chocho: She probably doesn't think time zones Fhujeth: it was more so the... probably... 5 minutes within each other. I can get after a few hrs or osmething if it is important but just to say hi...... within 5 minutes is.... strange Fhujeth: Cus I know I messaged you twice the same day on different accounts but it was after a fight.... and it was over the span of a day. :S Fhujeth: But this was like 3 minutes or less even.. and not even to say anything.... important...

[By the last month of talking to Fhujeth, I have to be honest, I wanted out. But I could tell that if I told her "that's enough, I'm leaving" that she would... well, do exactly what she did. There were a couple of times after fights where I'd say something like "Is this the end?", hoping they'd say "Yeah, let's part ways" so that I wouldn't have to make the run for it and the parting would hopefully be mutual and peaceful, but every time, they wanted the friendship to continue. (As an interesting point, now I'm looking back at these chatlogs, basically every fight/argument had a "So what do you want to do then? We always fight anymore, should we still be friends??" from her in it. This was from quite early on though, so it looks like a threat, rather than a resoution.) The fallout I could sense scared me into not leaving, but I was completely done/spent emotionally otherwise. If I had just not signed into Tox ever again, I would be leaving behind all my friends on there and she would just come find me on tumblr anyway as always... but after "the back event", I found out about all of the horrible stuff she had been doing in regards to me even from months back, the whole talking about me behind my back and villainising me to others. So I decided that was it, wrote her a message about giving the "closure" that she wanted, that she had told me at the start of the friendship (if I wanted to leave I had to give closure, not just disappear). I didn't block Fhujeth so she could have her say and I got nothing but abuse back which I didn't respond to until she blocked me. I have not said a thing to her since. She even sent some horrible, abusive e-mails in the coming months after, knowing I'd see them. Also, it's probably worth mentioning that she sent my boyfriend of many years a direct malicious e-mail, trying to turn him against me.

She says that she was trying to get away from me for ages, but it was the other way around. I was terrified to leave, I even said so to one of my friends, because I could just tell from the atmosphere that if I left, no matter how I did it, she would follow me or try to destroy me. Which is exactly what she did.]

This is a chatlog of Chocho talking to one of her other friends (name censored for protection):

chochomatsu <name>, I'm scared... if I try to cut ties is she going to try and destroy me? It's pretty much the biggest reason why I've let myself be pushed around by her for so long.... this has been going on for months... chochomatsu I can't do it any more... chochomatsu If she's willing to ruin my reputation over a tiny scuffle/misunderstanding... because that's basically what that was a few days ago. Hurt feelings, not even a fight

And this... is the very last thing Chocho said to Fhujeth. The parting message:

11/26/2016 chochomatsu Hey. I can't do this any more.... I found out what you did regarding Monday/Tuesday. I'm not willing to put up with this any longer. It was fun while it lasted and I can't say I didn't have some good times with you, but enough is enough. This is the closure you asked for... thanks for being my friend.... I hope things go well for you from here on out. Goodbye! totally-totty You mean you hurt me so bad? It was fun when it lasted... What do you wanna do with what is owed? Just be even? totally-totty I think it hurt me that you did not get that you hurt me... And then guilt tripped me... Tried to put the blame on me. totally-totty So yeah. It was great while it lasted. Sans the times youd misunderstand me and I would put up with it. totally-totty But i am not all to blame here. If you cannot see what you did wrong. I feel so sad for you. I only retailiate when i have had enough. totally-totty What did you find out exactly? Just for reference. totally-totty That I told people you abused me tooons of times? That when I have had right to be paranoid and scared you told me not to hold it against you but when ai hurt you youve held it against me ever since. totally-totty Ill miss talking to you. But i wont miss the anxiety and stress of feeling like i was walking on eggshells to make sure i said things properly. totally-totty I wont miss you interpreting everything as either aggressive or ignored either. You have hurt me more than you actually know or probably grasp and all you cared was that I ignored your drawing. "If i was in pain id have done this" ya well im not you And id try to apologize but itd always go to a false ear. totally-totty So I leave you with this. I know it sucks to have epilepsy and other physical ailments but please... You have NHS. For your future... Please seek some psychiatric help. You are lucky enough that you get access to it. Utilize it. Also learn how to take a critique.

...wow. After everything I now know this is just... incredible. Fhujeth is insinuating that everything is Chocho’s fault here. That Chocho guilt tripped her(?), hurt her, misunderstood her... and that everything they ever spoke about in their friendship sparked anxiety and stress. And that final attack on Chocho’s physical illness is just flat out despicable. There is NO excuse for that. (Note: Chocho has given me full permission to include this information in this post)

Perhaps, given everything here, it is Fhujeth that needs to seek psychiatric help.

Past this point, Chocho claims to have not spoken to Fhujeth at all hoping that Fhujeth would eventually move on and not cause further drama over the broken friendship. Fhujeth didn’t do that (as I can back up). Emails were sent to Chocho from Fhujeth for months after the final goodbye...

"Have fun, I guess. You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me. You're a heartless person. I should've known when I first met you. I have no idea what your issue is..."

And...

“And I can NEVER forgive you for the shit you pulled on Jussy you desperate little fuck."

What... seriously?? Fhujeth was the one bugging Jussy for commissions and insulting her behind her back. If Fhujeth is referring to the two aliases thing... jesus fucking christ get over it! People have aliases, big deal! There is some SERIOUS spite here for reasons I can’t fathom. That Chocho managed to get away from her maybe? If you’ve read to this point you’ve seen the level of manipulation aimed at Chocho from Fhujeth.

And, quite importantly I think, it’s clear that Chocho was the one that wanted to get away, not the other way round. An abuser does not try to get away from their target, that’s what the abused does. The abuser is the one that takes chase once their target has got away.

Among other emails sent to Chocho from Fhujeth, there was also one apparently sent to Chocho’s boyfriend in an attempt to get him to turn against Chocho and reveal information to Fhujeth (this I couldn’t believe until I saw it, it’s a SERIOUSLY disgusting move). I wasn’t shown the entire email but I asked if I could see so Chocho asked her boyfriend to hand over some parts... (name changed to Chocho for privacy - real name was used)

Chocho did some really terrible things to me in the past and I can't say I haven't retaliated but even after I've tried to apologize she has kept it up. I just want peace. I have been trying to move on and it has been literally impossible, even with the blacklisting software and blocking.

I'm not here to criticize her or get mad at her, I just want to ask if you can check on her and what she is doing with ask blogging. I know she has stolen an idea from me now, and this I have records of. I think she is running multiple blogs under different aliases too. If anything I am actually more so worried for her mental health than anything else.

It's not my place to start anything. I just want you to look at what she is doing. Please, I urge you to keep this between you and me. I wouldn't be contacting a complete stranger if I wasn't getting desperate.

I think at this point she is running around four different tumblr "identities" and trying to play them off as if they are entirely different people despite it is very clearly in her art style that it is her.

Yes, really. Fhujeth actively tried to get Chocho’s boyfriend to reveal information to her behind Chocho’s back because she was paranoid about what Chocho was “doing with ask blogging”. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I find this utterly despicable. Not to mention the continued attacks on Chocho’s state of mental wellbeing.

Extras...

[I had so, so many fights with Fhujeth because she'd take something the wrong way or she'd be rude/disgusting or she'd pick a fight.... and every fight lasted FOREVER and I was SO DONE with fighting. My 2 best internet friends for up to 10 years? I have probably had 1 argument with each in those years. And it didn't last and cleared up quick. My best friend in person that I have known since I was about 8 years old? I have had 1 fight with them EVER and it was because of another person. My other best in person friend I have never had a fight with ever. I had another best online friend who I had known since we were 12, she slowly drifted away over time due to changing interests and I think we lost touch when we were about 24 or older by the time that happened... we had 1 fight in the history of us being friends and that was when we were what... 15? Prime time for teenage friend arguments. In general I think it's natural to have at least ONE fight with your best friends that you know for years. But the sheer amount of fighting Fhujeth started between us in less than a year was just incredible...]

While looking for the chatlogs shown in this post, Chocho found a lot of these fights with Fhujeth... but because the post is already very long I have put these in a separate draft here:

https://totty-chan.tumblr.com/private/172180653683/tumblr_p62b4pvIRS1w7dwde

There are also other subjects of interest in this post although they weren’t strictly related to Fhujeth’s claims of abuse from Chocho that she discussed with me. There are also some logs and comments that extend upon the subjects covered in this post, but again, this post has grown into a monster already

tfl;dr

I (Sammy) have had my fair share of bad experiences with Fhujeth over the past year. I have known about the drama between her and Chocho but not any of the details until now. I approached Fhujeth about it asking for proof because I didn’t like the fact she was STILL going around accusing Chocho of being her “abuser” and I didn’t know why. After listening to Fhujeth’s argument and considering her evidence, I went to Chocho to ask her for her side. Up until now Chocho has been very unwilling to talk about anything to do with Fhujeth because it was a very hurtful topic for her. But when I told Chocho that Fhujeth is still claiming that she is the abused, Chocho decided to break silence and... well.. tell me everything. If you’ve read the post, I’d like you to make you own decision on all of this, BUT, in my opinion Chocho is the one that was abused. And in a big way, for a very long time. Manipulation, gaslighting, fear, uncertainty... you name it, Fhujeth tried it. And when Chocho finally decided enough was enough, Fhujeth took chase and terrorized Chocho privately and publicly for months after the friendship was broken up.

tl;dr of the tfl;dr

Fhujeth’s a manipulative, despicable piece of shit who thought she could frame Chocho for her own disgusting behavior.

Considering my personal experiences with Fhujeth and those that I have discussed with others in the past, this article expert-reviewed by a licensed professional counselor describes this situation to near-perfection. I am of the opinion that Fhujeth is living with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD.

https://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath

Please read if you can and consider your relationship with Fhujeth and if any of this is relevant to you.

Take care of yourselves.

Chocho, I really hope Fhujeth finally leaves you alone. After seeing the proof you have given me I now believe you have been framed for abuse you didn’t commit and I can honestly say you don’t deserve any of the hell you have been dealt for the last year and a half...

[rainstormfes]

Kiramune Presents: Bokura no Music Park #1 Summary/Review

with: Uemura Yuuto, Chiba Shouya, Hozumi Yuuya, Horie Shun, and Yoshinaga Takuto

I don’t usually do this and this’ll probably be the last time I do this (for this radio show at least). But I wanted to do a little summary/review of this particular radio show’s first episode cause it’s Kiramune, it’s the new unit’s radio show’s first episode, and I wanted to see how it went for them. 

***PLEASE KEEP IN MIND***

I am not the best at Japanese but I tried lol. I honestly didn’t think I would do this in the first place but I wanted to share cause I care a lot about Kiramune and the journey it’s going on.

Summary

They were very nervous in the beginning of the episode and they kept stumbling on their words a lot. (and their unit has yet to have a name)

After the intro, they talked about themselves a little bit, talking about hobbies and stuff. (little side note when they were talking about themselves: I couldn't help but notice that almost all of Nobugnal: Ryohei, Wingu, and Nobu have kouhais from their own agencies:

Hozumi Yuuya: Ken Production (Wingu)

Uemura Yuuto, Yoshinaga Takuto: Gekidan Himawari (Ryohei)

Horie Shun: Pro-Fit (Nobu)

idk i was just really happy for some reason lol. now WHERE is egu's kouhai XDDD)

They talked about various bands like radwimps and bump of chicken (just to name some) And then they talked about ipods and walkmans XDDD going off in various/random topics about music and anything having to do with music.

So the first corner that they actually went into was "Kiramune History" which made me real happy cause they were talking about their senpais!! So when they first said that Kiramune first started in April of 2009 they mentioned Yoshinaga (the youngest of the unit) how old would’ve been when Kiramune first started. He was born in 1999... HE WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL OMG. Them talking about it just made me realize too like OMG. Kiramune has come a long way!

And they went to mention all the events that came out of Kiramune like KiraFes, the Reading Lives, and the Fan Meetings.

They went to talk about Kiramune as a whole. Yoshinaga basically talked about how their senpais have shaped Kiramune over the years and how (don’t quote me on this) he wants to keep the feelings that their senpais have created within the label and how they will try their best while under the label.

Hozumi mentioned how at the Shizuoka Live Reading he was impacted by all the fans there when the unit was announced there and how he was really nervous but also happy when the fans seemed to welcome the new unit.

And then Uemura  said that he wanted to have fun while under the label and (funnily enough) mentioned the fact that this 5 person unit was pretty big(at least compared to the label so far XDDD)

Then a radio clip of CONNECT's Connect played. And while the song played they talked about it. They talked about how SuzuKen and Iwata started it all in 2009 and talked about how the 5 of them will try their very best to continue what these two had started in Kiramune

Then they went on to talk about KiraFes 2017 and the beginning performance which was done by Trignal(they all attended the event in the audience). And they talked about them for a little bit saying how they're very 'pop' in their music. And also mentioning their senpais were 'cool' during their performance XDDD.

And then they talked about Yoshino and how he sang his songs. Like when he had a megaphone for Sha-ra-ra and when he played the guitar.

And then they talked about the MC corner and how it showed how Kiramune had a very 'warm'/gave a 'warm' feeling with all the seiyuu within the label.

Then they moved on to talk about Nobu’s peformance and Horie stepped up cause Nobu's his senpai. And they all commented how Oborozduki was amazing overall (the PV makes it look amazing enough lol). And then they mentioned 'Want you' XDD and how it's super cute. (these guys are so adorable themselves) And then talked about how Melty Halloween’s MV was cute with the kids as well as the song.

Then they talked a little bit about how they should perform because there’s 5 of them and how they should be on stage and stuff like that.

Then the radio clip of Trignal's Update A Day played. Apparently Yoshinaga LOVES the rap XDDD and they just continued to comment how it's really cool and how they love it.

Then another corner "Kiramune Information" began and they just announced all of the new music coming out soon, mentioned the upcoming KiraFes 2018 event, and mentioned KiraFes 2017's BD coming out.

Then the radio clip for Kiramune☆ALLSTARS Bokura no Egaku Mirai played. They all love it and mentioned how it is REALLY treasured especially within Kiramune. And apparently the boys on stage were all teary eyed during KiraFes 2017′s performance of it (aAaAAaHhHhHH). And they also mentioned how they could even hear the fans singing along (they were in the audience). They commented how everyone singing together just added the power and connection of everyone in Kiramune.

And the ending:

they just mentioned again how they were nervous in the beginning but it was fun as it continued XDD (cuuute)

and Yoshinaga mentioned how Ryohei wished him and Uemura luck before they started recording (what a good senpai👍)

And apparently Uemura was really nervous and his face definitely showed it and apparently he said something along the lines of “I'm sorry Ryohei-san I'll really try my best but...' and just ended it there LOL

also someone mentioned Hozumi went out to go eat fish somewhere (couldn't catch where) before they were gonna record for the radio (most likely leaving him barely a few minutes to spare before the actual recording started) but he said it was really good XDDD and everyone just laughed

Review

It was really entertaining and fun to hear the new unit interacting with each other on the radio. They all sounded very sincere especially when they commented how they will do their best for Kiramune, continue working hard for us the fans as well as their senpais, and maintain the nice, warm feelings created within Kiramune. And hearing that made me happy. I couldn’t hope for anything more than for these 5 to try their best in the label.

So far they haven’t mentioned anything about them producing music nor have they come up with a name for their unit but I’m looking forward to what they produce for their music and the name they come up with! (hopefully the mails will help them come up with a name like how the mails helped Trignal come up with their unit name)

[janiedean]

asoiaf for the meme thing :)

ALL OF THE QUESTIONS? ALL OF THE QUESTIONS. *cracks knuckles* beware: cersei fans pls skip this post it was named salty asks and I’m not trying to sound nicer as I’d try to be usually

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get? see the crackship question for an appropriate answer to this since out of the ships that actually are canon I do *get* why they’re a thing

Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP? jon/sansa, any stark*cest tbh

Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? in asoiaf? yesterday I unfollowed someone because I realized they changed their blog title to an anti jon/sansa thing (WHY DON’T SHIT ON OTHERS’S SHIPS) and on top of that they hated jaime and at some point made a post dissing him in the tags and then basically wishing brienne ended up with hyle and NO THANK YOU

Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP? t/ramsay, l/annincest and sansa/marg, t/ramsay is like 50% of what theon fans are into so I guess it’s popular but I don’t mind since the fans are chill and tag everything, l/annincest isn’t as popular as it could be and I honestly hope it keeps on declining because I’m petty and salty and the more time passes the less I can stand it, sansa/marg is sadly very popular and it’s half the reason why I can’t read a lot of t/hrobb stuff around because it’s the sideship and I can’t stomach it for reasons related to how obnoxious the shippers were during s3

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you? in asoiaf? no but the part of sansa fandom who in s5/6 decided that whichever character shared a screen with her (from jon to theon to brienne) had to be dissed on principle was putting up an admirable effort to ruin the character for me

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated? *thinks* .... nah, but the t/hramsay fandom is a+ and has done wonders in not making me see it even if I stalk the theon tag which means I tolerate it a lot more than I used to

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now? the show

Have you received anon hate? What about? *thinks* meh someone once sent me hate because I was arguing theon didn’t owe the starks anything and then there was the slew of j*aime/cersei anons a couple years ago who kept on sending asks like ‘he can’t be with brienne because she’s too ugly’

Most disliked character(s)? Why? cersei. good lord I guess she’s interesting for what she is but the only kind of *horrible people* I enjoy reading are *competent* horrible people and not only she’s incompetent, out of her mind and so self-absorbed she can’t even be an efficient villain, but like the fact that she’s an abusive narcisist asshole who fandom likes to present as a FEMINIST MODEL before declaring that she and jaime MUST BE THE SAME PERSON SO HE HAS TO BE AN ASSHOLE doesn’t help, also I find her povs boring af and I’m not interested in her head at all, and cherry on top anyone who laughs about catelyn going insane when she saw robb die in front of her is dead to me as anything. also she has the most fucking obnoxious subfandom in this fandom and she’s basically everything I detest in a) a person, b) a fictional character, so. yeah. hahaha. years ago it’d have been ramsay but the ramsay fandom is a LOT less horrid than hers, so.

Most disliked arc? Why? dany’s adwd arc, because it was too long and too much filler and I slept through about 70% of it like I honest to god don’t remember half of what happened. 

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? THEON GREYJOY because he’s the objectively best written and conceived character in there never mind the most original one grrm’s ever come up with and a delicious deconstruction of everything he sets to deconstruct and he has the best identity arc ever and I’m a sucker for identity arcs and fandom hates him sooooo *sigh*

Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? every time I hear brienne’s chapters are boring I want to weep and bang my head against the wall because they’re in my top three asoiaf povs and like it was the first time I ever related to a fictional character because of things we had in common and tbh I thought it was exquisitely done and the exploration of post-war westeros was a+ and I loved everything about it

Unpopular opinion about XXX character? I don’t have a character so I’m just gonna pick one I have an unpopular opinion about hmmm I don’t think bran’s chapters are boring and I don’t hate jorah

Unpopular opinion about your fandom? oh god idk about the whole fandom but let’s just say that for how much I bitch about it, it’ 100% better than ANY other fandom around rn 

Unpopular opinion about the manga/show? the SHOW? lol, if I say I don’t like 90% of what they choose it’s not UNPOPULAR anymore I guess? idk I think yara’s a terrible character and has nothing to do with asha but everyone seems to love her so

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? LOL I’d reinstate jeyne westerling instead of that horrid talisa stuff and then I’d put winterfell back where it belonged as in with jeyne poole and theon being the main character talking about MAIN STUFF, I’d get someone to inform theon that ramsay died, I’d have killed ramsay through jon beheading him and I’D HAVE SCRAPPED WITH FIRE THAT RIDICULOUS ENDING OF S5 WHERE THEY KILLED SHIREEN SO THEN THEY COULD MAKE BRIENNE KILL STANNIS IN THE MOST OOC THING I EVER SAW IN THAT SHOW sigh ah and jon*dany wouldn’t be canon by now I guess and lady stoneheart would have been a thing

Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen… .... yeah right instead of talisa I’d have had jeyne, instead of sansa and theon I’d have had jeyne and theon and jaime would have dumped cersei properly two seasons ago

Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased? no, but harping at people who ship something popular and not canon telling them they’re in denial/biased is really fucking irksome

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom? sorry I can’t pick ONE. on the same level: *book readers* who obviously haven’t read the entire thing, people who think jaime is the same person as cersei, whoever in the l/annincest fandom sends the monthly anons telling jb shippers how biased they are and that no one gives a fuck about jon connington. ah, and that people still think theon betrayed *the starks*

What is the purest ship in the fandom? jon/sam

What are your thoughts on crack ships? listen I enjoy crack ships myself but I hate it when some become more popular than actual sensed ships when they’re a thing because of aesthetics and I REALLY hate that in this fandom a lot of crack ships are more popular than ships that make sense or are canon (see: jaime/sansa - WHY IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE - vs jon/sam or jonc/rhaegar, or the fact that rhaegar/HARRY POTTER has more effective fics than jonc/rhaegar, or jaime/sansa probably having more effective fics than jon/ygritte since the latter is always a sideship or IN THE PAST and if you take the dany/jon and sansa/jon out of the ao3 search you get... 300 maybe, and actually add sam/anyone in the list of ships that don’t get following HMMM GUESS WHY) that said jonc/the blackfish is the crackship of the century and I’ll go down with it (and I enjoy a lot of others ie jon/asha XDD)

Popular character you hate? if she counts as popular, cersei. otherwise dany’s not my fave but I don’t hate her or anything I just don’t like her that much. ah no wait show!margaery like I honestly don’t get what’s so special about marg period

Unpopular character you love? THEON

Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not? of course I’d recommend asoiaf to people I do love it XD

How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX? it’s not ended already but I want jon ALONE on the throne, dany back in essos, the other starks in winterfell, theon getting a break and jaime and brienne being ridiculously happy on tarth (I KNOW IMPROBABLE IDC)

Most shippable character? def. jon like I ship him with a bunch of people too bad none of them are sansa or dany #hahahahahaha 

Least shippable character? idk out of people I actually ship with anyone period def. brienne like if she’s not with jaime or he’s not involved I really don’t see her with others (tho I’ll admit to watching the tormund/brienne crack vids because they’re amusing), also meh arya because I only ship her and gendry? 

WOW I COULD MAKE IT XD

[nycttophilic-a]

Atsushi Nakajima

This post in under construction!! Sorry for the inconvenience!!

=BASIC INFO= FULL NAME: Atsushi Nakajima NICKNAME(S)/ALIAS(ES): Man-Tiger/Jinko, Atsushi-kun PRONUNCIATION(S): At-soo-she AGE: 18 GENDER: Male SPECIES: Human (ability user) BIRTH DATE: May 5th SEXUALITY: Pansexual =PERSONALITY= PERSONALITY: Timid, shy, awkward, self-deprecating, determined, frugal, kind, gentle, pushover EMBODYING QUALITY/IDEA: Abused orphan with the secret power to turn into a white tiger. LIKES: Chazuke, cats, chameleons, Yokohama DISLIKES: Himself, his old orphanage FEARS: His old headmaster, hurting someone with his ability, never being enough WEAKNESSES: Timid nature lets people step all over him, but depending on where the thread takes place during the anime’s timeline he could be more direct. Very self deprecating. STRENGTHS: Will do anything for the people he cares about, has a big heart, knows when it’s time to be strong. SPECIAL/SIGNIFICANT BELONGINGS: He left the orphanage with nothing but the clothes on his back. His most significant belonging is the clothes the Agency gave him. =PHYSICAL AND HEALTH INFO= HEIGHT: 5’6” WEIGHT: 121 lbs BODY TYPE: malnourished, rather weak and scrawny. JEWELRY: N/A PIERCINGS/TATTOOS: N/A SCARS/DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Skin has scars and marks from his abuse at the orphanage. His hair is asymmetrical due to bullying as a child =RELATIONSHIP INFO= RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Verse dependent PARENTS: unknown SIBLING(S): N/A – BEST FRIEND(S): Kyouka Izumi, (sometimes) Osamu Dazai, Lucy M. Montgomery FRIENDS: The entire Armed Detective Agency ACQUAINTANCES: police force, Chuuya Nakahara, Ougai Mori, Guild members, Sigma ASSISTANTS: N/A GUARDS: N/A ALLIES: The Armed Detective Agency, Lucy PETS/SPECIAL ANIMALS: A black and white (not striped tho) cat named Jinko – ENEMIES: Port Mafia, (ex) Guild, Decay of Angels, Rats of the House of Dead MAIN ENEMY(IES): Ryunosuke Akutagawa, Fyodor Dostoyevsky MOST HATED: Akutagawa =STORY INFO= STORIES THAT THIS CHARACTER APPEARS IN: Bungou Stray Dogs STATUS: Alive BACKSTORY: Atsushi was thrown away by his parents at a very young age, being found and taken in by the headmaster of the orphanage. Atsushi was often bullied for being the runt, and that was before his ability began to show. Once the headmaster saw glimpses of his ability, he put him through intense torture meant to make Atsushi hate the headmaster instead of himself. When he was 18, he was kicked out of the orphanage and found Osamu Dazai, who informed him of his own ability and then offered the weretiger a place in the ADA. – PLACE OF BIRTH: Tokyo, Japan PAST LIVING QUARTERS: Tokyo CURRENT AND FUTURE HOMES: Yokohama – NATIVE LANGUAGE(S): Japanese LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Japanese, currently learning English, knows a tiny bit of Russian (from being exposed to it) =TALENTS/OCCUPATION/EDUCATION= OCCUPATION/JOB: Detective (in training) in the Armed Detective Agency BOSS: Fukuzawa TALENTS: easy to get along with, happy to learn, sympathetic YEARS OF EDUCATION: 0 LEVEL OF EDUCATION: no formal education =COMBAT= SKILLS/TECHNIQUES: often uses the brute strength he acquires from his ability. Jumps into combat with little to no plan, but thinks very well on the spot. Favors close combat. SPECIAL POWERS: His ability, “Beast Beneath the Moonlight” allows him to turn into a white tiger. Due to Fukuzawa’s ability, Atsushi has gained enough control over his own ability that he can now control what parts of his body change at a time, as well as give himself the tiger’s strength while still mostly his own body. WEAPON(S) OF CHOICE: His own hands/tiger claws STRENGTHS:His claws can cut through ANYTHING, is very quick on the spot, has incredible strength WEAKNESSES: relies too much on his strength and often throws himself into danger without thinking. Still doesn’t have really any formal training in combat and makes things up as he goes. =VERSES=

~í cαn‘t lívє α nσrmαl líf��; í wαѕ rαíѕєd вч thє ѕtrєєtѕ~ [Beast! AU]——An alternate AU where Atsushi is the White Reaper, a pet of the Port Mafia, along with other changes. This verse will be extremely selective as I don’t know much about the Beast novel, so you guys will have to help me lol  

~í‘m juѕt líkє чσu! чσu‘rє juѕt líkє mє!~ [Twin! AU]— Atsushi and Atsuki (my boi) Nakajima were both twin orphans in the orphanage before they were kicked out. They share a name for their ability, and as identical twins, have identical abilities. They both joined the ADA together and are the closest of siblings. When they were in pain back in the orphanage, the other was always right there. So now, they must learn to navigate this new world together. When it comes to a twin verse, my “twin” will have the same backstory as yours unless stated otherwise. This is to prevent confusion with differing headcanons and backgrounds.

~єvєn íf í dσn‘t pull thrσugh αm í α hєrσ tσ чσu?~ [Hero! Verse]

— Here, Atsushi is a 3rd year student in the hero department, in the class 3-A taught by Osamu Dazai. Atsushi is an orphan and had lived in an orphanage all his life until he was kicked out at the age of 14 instead of 18. He fled from Yokohama after learning of his quirk, which he previously had no knowledge about, to train to get his powerful quirk under control and become a hero so he can save people, which is his true passion. (Learn more

here

!)

~íf í tσld чσu whαt í wαѕ wσuld чσu turn чσur вαck σn mє?~ [Monster! Verse]—In this AU, Atsushi is a weretiger (surprise surprise XDD) who protects the woods Lia is from. He is human by day and only turns into a weretiger in the full moon, but if there is some moonlight he becomes more like a tiger. Find more info here.

~ín thє dєαd σf níght чσu wєnt dαrk σn mє~ [Aftermath Verse]—A spoiler heavy AU that follows the idea that Dazai will have to go back to the port mafia. Find more info here.

~tσ α ѕєnѕєlєѕѕ вєαtíng; crípplєd αnd вαrєlч вrєαthíng; í tσrє σff mч ѕkín; í‘ll hαng frσm thíѕ nσσѕє~ [Reverse! AU]—A very dark and twisted AU that’s the complete opposite of normal. In this AU, Atsushi is an executive in the Port Mafia, known as the Black Tiger. He’s insane and twisted and very obsessive, and he is Dazai’s personal abuser.

~ѕσund σf mч hєαrt; thє вєαt gσєѕ σn αnd σn~ [Band Verse]—Atsushi is a drummer and a pretty good singer, but he’s very shy and struggles to meet new people. He wants to join a band, but how...??

~í’m α crєαturє whσ‘ѕ up tσ nσ gσσd; í‘ll lσvє чσu líkє α vαmpírє wσuld~ [Vampire Verse]—This verse is very simple and the same for all of the muses that have it: the character is a vampire. This verse is very flexible, so if you have ideas please let me know so we can incorporate it into the thread!! But it’s nothing major, I just love vampires lol

~tαkє mє tσ wσndєrlαnd~ [Wonderland Verse]—A verse that takes place in the AU of Alice in Wonderland. Here, Atsushi takes the place of the White Rabbit.

~hσld чσur вrєαth αnd cσunt thє dαчѕ; wє‘rє grαduαtíng ѕσσn~ [High School Verse]—A verse where Atsushi’s just a normal teen. He is a foster child who has been jumping from family to family. He’s very similar to how he usually is and would rather DIE than go to detention. 

[tsaritza-mika]

Beneath a Shattered Sky - 12

This one has gone through a LOT of tweaking to make things sound even as close to what I was hoping, and I can only wish that it has the impact I want. Anyway, hope everyone enjoys it, and sorry it took so long XDD

Enjoy~!

Alex smiled to herself as she walked with Nicolas and Worick the rest of the way home, meeting the sidelong glance from her boyfriend and returning the careful squeeze to his hand. Things had gone well that week so far, all of them had passed their tests for the time being, and the kids had taken well to the responsibility of learning to care for their new kitten with full enthusiasm. Betty as well seemed to acclimate to being in Monroe’s home quickly, playing with the children and enjoying sleeping with or near Nicolas whenever possible. It was cute how attached she was to him.

She had also been able to see Emilio over the previous weekend, his bright smile when she had walked up to the playground in the park with Nicolas in tow making her happy even now. As dearly as she missed seeing him everyday and taking care of him, she could hardly complain when he seemed to be doing so well. Off course, it was never easy when their short visits had to end, but with the knowledge that the Costa’s were treating him as well as they did.

Reaching the house, Alex frowned when she saw the police car parked at the end of the driveway, wondering if perhaps they had pulled over to rest during a patrol. “Okay, now before they ask Ally, the bodies were like that when we found them.”

“Cut it out Worick, you're not funny.” Even as she said that though, Alex giggled and reached over to playfully smack his shoulder.

“Aww, no? Man, there goes my career as the infamous comedian gigolo. Over before I even got a taste of the fame...”

[The hell were you even planning to already have fucking ‘infamous’ attached?]

“We'll never know now, since apparently I've gone and failed before even starting.”

“I'm going to assume we'd rather not know, Nicolas. Besides, ignorance grants both of us immunity from whatever mischief he may have otherwise dragged us into.”

[I can live with that.]

“Thought so. Anyway, any requests for dinner, or should we let the kids decide?”

[Something spicy.]

“Mm, at first I was thinking fish, but if Nic wants spicy, then maybe chicken or beef.”

“Hm, alright then. Nicolas, were you thinking maybe Asian spice, Mexican spice...?”

[Asian sounds good if we have it. Otherwise either is fine.]

“Alright, I'm sure I can come up with something along those lines.” Coming up to the house, the three of them grew quiet when the door to the police car opened, a familiar middle aged man with greying blond hair looked toward them as he put out his cigarette under his shoe.

“Worick, Nicolas. Should I assume you're still causing trouble in between your studies?”

“No other way to really live, Chad. What's the deal? Last I checked cops don't normally drop in for pleasantries.”

“That's because we don't, smart-ass. Not unless we have reasons.”

“Those reasons being...?”

“None of your business unless the information is volunteered. I'm not here for either of you, I'm here for Miss Benedetto.”

Alex grew tense at being addressed, wondering what could have lead to the inspector to feel the need to come down and see her, rather than calling and asking her to drop by the station. “Ah, me sir?”

“That's right Alex. There's a few things I need to speak with you about, if you have the time of course.”

“Mm, of course. Um,should we stay out here, or..?”

“Is probably be best if we went inside if that's alright with you.”

Nodding to the man, Alex followed Nicolas as he stepped up the walkway and unlocked the front door, smiling in thanks as he took her bag from her and went to put it away in her room before making himself scarce. Worick tried sticking around, but Alex shooed him away after making up some cool water and lemon for him and Nicolas, doing the same for herself and offering a glass to Chad as they took a seat at the small dining table. “Thank you. That damn car's air conditioning had been out the last few days. Gets hotter than hell in there...”

“Hm, I'm sorry to hear that, sir.” Giving him a moment, Alex sipped at her water, glad to be able to cool down a bit after the walk home in the warm sun.

“Okay, Alex. I'll be frank,I didn't come by to make sure that you, or any of the other kids were doing alright.”

“...oh. Is, everything okay? W-What about my brother? He's not in some kind of trouble is he?”

“No, nothing like that. There's really no easy way to say this, Alex, so I won't bother trying to mince words. Your father was found in his cell early this morning, he'd hung himself with his bed sheets.”

Alex felt her eyes go wide, her throat suddenly feeling tight as her lips thinned slightly. “Daddy..? But...I mean, I thought that, he was getting help...that he-”

“I know, Alex. And he had been. Since you and Emilio were placed into foster care, your father had been receiving counseling and therapy regarding his alcoholism and child abuse toward the two of you. From what I was told, he'd been making slow but steady progress toward getting healthy again, until finding him this morning. The only thing we have, is a letter he left addressed to you that we found on his pillow.”

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as he spoke, cheeks warming when she finally broke and let out a quiet whimper. Watching as Chad placed the folded letter on the table between them, she almost didn't want to risk touching it. As if it might all end up being some kind of joke or illusion if she refused to acknowledge the paper in front of her. “So...what happens, to us now? We... why...?”

“I'm sorry kiddo. Sometimes...sometimes there is no answer. Life can't be a fairy tale for everyone, but I won't lie and say that you kids did anything to deserve the shit you get either. I've already informed Mr. and Mrs. Costa, and they're going to try finding a way of telling Emilio. They've also said that they're fully prepared to make sure he's cared for until he's ready to leave, so they won't just be looking to foster him until he's eighteen and then just toss him on the street either.”

Nodding at that, Alex wiped at her eyes, her hands shaking as she tightly held her glass. “Mm, thank you, for looking out for him.”

“Hm, you just do what you can for now Alex. You three are just about done with high-school. You guys still have your whole lives to consider after this.”

“Yeah...I know...”

“We still have his personal things down at the station for the time being as well. If you want any of it, Worick knows my number.”

Sniffling quietly, Alex nodded as they finished their drink, showing him out the front door and sinking slowly to the floor. Bringing up her knees, she curled in on herself, quietly sobbing at the deep feeling of loss and ache in her heart. She wasn't about to ignore the things her father had done, the drinking and beatings weren't things she would ever be able to forget, but she had been willing to try to forgive them if he had gotten the help he'd needed. For as much as it hurt to see what had become of him, deep down she had always hoped that he could someday manage to be the father he'd started out as, rather than the drunk that beat his children whenever he was between empty bottles.

She was grateful for the time alone that the boys were giving her, pushing herself up to stand and walk slowly back to the table. Staring at the folded letter with her name written on it, she gingerly picked it up and turned to go back to the room she shared with Erica, softly closing the door behind her. It took her a few more minutes before managing to open it up, taking a deep breath as trying to ready herself as she started reading.

Alex,

I hope that they pass this on to you. I know with everything I've done, a simple apology isn't enough. The things I've done, and did to you, even thinking of them leaves me angry at myself. Even now I can barely believe that I let things get that bad. The therapist told me what you had been doing while I was too busy in my own head, being such a pathetic drunk. I'm sorry. I know it'll never be enough, but I really, really am. I was your father. I was the one who was supposed to take care of you, and Emilio. You two were all I had left of your mother, and instead of holding you close and protecting you, I crawled in a fucking bottle and left you two alone.

I know, that even if you ever felt you could forgive me, I wouldn't deserve it. I know that I'll burn in a very special part of hell for the things I've done to you both, but I'm done making excuses for myself. Whatever suffering I have to endure is more than deserved, and can never truly measure up to what I've done to you. I'm sorry that I'm so weak, that I can't stand facing you or Emilio after these painful years.

You're so much stronger than I am, I know you'll be able to make your own way, without me. I know you've been teaching Emilio, and he'll turn out a good man when he grows up. Better than I ever was. All that I wish, is that you both find whatever makes you happy in life. That you can eventually forget about me, and smile and laugh together. Just know, that even though I caused you nothing but trouble and pain, hurt you in ways that no father ever should, I do love you. I love you both so, very much, with every last beat of this rotten heart of mine.

I love you

The words on the paper bled and smeared slightly as a few tears fell from her lashes, the room quiet except for the soft sounds of choked emotions making their way out from Alex's throat. She stayed that way for a time, unsure of how long she had been in there before there was a soft knock at the door, the dim light shifting as it was shut once more. Only barely lifting her head, she managed something of a grateful smile as Nicolas sat down in front of her on the floor, setting down two plates with some pizza nearby.

[Will you be okay?]

[...yeah, someday.] Alex sniffled and moved to sit in his lap, comforted by those strong arms when they settled around her. [When you and Worick leave... can I follow you?]

[If you want. What about your brother?]

She stayed silent a moment, thinking about what it was she had asked him. It was true, that by going with them she would be leaving Emilio, but at the same time, she just didn't feel like she could stay where she was anymore. The city felt like it was far too stifling, difficult memories and around all those corners and alleys were the faces of men she'd had to service just to try keeping her crumbling family together.

She'd given everything to try and take care of what was left of her family. Her innocence, body and mind, her youth, it was all spent on the streets rather than laughing and playing with others her own age. And what did she have to show for it? Her cover had been blown when her teacher had blackmailed her into sucking him off, her father incarcerated and now dead, Emilio sent to live with another family, and she had been sent to live under Mr. Monroe’s roof. Everything that she had fought so long for had just fallen apart, leaving her emotionally exhausted from it all. Emilio was a good boy, he was with good people who could take care of him the way a sweet boy should be.

Alex though... After graduating...then what? Her plan had always been to work hard enough to get a scholarship, and then a job that would allow her to take care of her family without needing to sell herself anymore. With all of those driving forces suddenly gone... Looking up at Nicolas, she reached up to move his hair from his eyes, coming in for a soft kiss, knowing her decision was probably not the right one, but it was one she had to make for herself for a change. [He'll be okay, with the Costas. I...I can't be here anymore. This place, it holds too many bad memories to stay.]

[You're sure?]

[...yes. I am.]

[Okay. Then when we skip town after graduation, you'll come with us.]

Nodding sadly at that, Alex reached up to wipe some moisture from her eyes, glad to have those strong arms wrapped around her just then. [Thank you, Nicolas.]

[You're one of us now. We look after each other when no one else does.] [Yeah.]

[momorabu]

03.07.2017

Viidog Code Main Story - Episode 3 - 消えた人たち / The Missing People

It’s a new month and I realised that I have not translate anything for Viidog Code for the month of June so here is it~! Sorry for the late update for this, I was quite busy thins

As always, the summary of the story can be found below. Translation may not be 100% accurate due to my poor Japanese skills~

Chapter 1: さまよえる幽靈 / The Wandering Ghost

After dinner on another day, Yu wanted to return to his bedroom straight away, but Ryohei asked him to stay around for awhile longer since from what his grandma had said in the past, if one moved around too much after eating, their stomach will get a shock XD (This reminds me of Hokuto talking about his grandma~~ ^^)

Chihiro looked around the living room and commented that there seems to be more people from the other classes here with them, though for Class 7 it’s just “me” and Shiro. (Since it’s kind of rare that Tsubasa was actually missing here OWO”)

Suddenly, Chihiro went into spooky mode, talking about there’s “people who doesn’t exist in this world anymore” among them, and that made Yu started to get really scared as he told Ryohei not to listen to it too. Turns out that Chihiro was talking about one of the case which the detective agency was looking into, which is the missing person case in this town. Chihiro mentioned that he has discovered something strange while he was on the trail to track down these missing people, and that is… before they disappeared, it seems that their last sighting were all at the same place. After they were spotted at that place, any further traces of them were gone, just like a gust of wind.

Chihiro wondered that perhaps these missing people were actually ghosts, but Shiro immediately shot down that idea, saying that ghosts won’t have legs and people have heard their footsteps. It ended up making Ryohei interested and Yu even more scared by screaming that he doesn’t hear any footsteps at all. (Poor Yu is really treating this as a ghost story OWO”)

Just then, Class 5 appeared~ But upon seeing the crowd of people here, Naoto proposed to Suzu-kun that they switched place since it’s noisy in here. Apparently Hina appeared when a few of them were scared, making them jump even more… and that cause Yu to hide behind Rudo by accident. Yu apologised while Suzu-kun remarked that it’s rare to see Yu hiding behind someone else other than Hijiri actually~

Both Shiro and “me” were shocked / scared to the point that we were frozen though XD However, Shiro denied that he’s scared and hurried off while saying that this was a boring / lame topic to talk about. (Why are you rushing off Shiro~ Are you sure you’re not scared? XD)

Naoto asked Suzu-kun where is his omelette, but “I” informed Suzu-kun that the kitchen had just ran out of eggs actually. Even though Suzu-kun claimed that “I” didn’t have to apologise since he could still cook without eggs…. but Naoto insisted on his omelette so Suzu-kun decided that he shall head out right now to purchase them. Naoto didn’t want Suzu-kun to go shopping for eggs, claiming that “I” should go since “I” was the culprit who finished all the eggs =w=“ (Woah, Naoto, did you just blame “me” for using something that everyone could use in the agency? o.O) In the end, Suzu-kun proposed to “me” that we shall go together instead, as Naoto whined to him whether he is going to let him starve to death here XD (Naoto,if you would just choose to eat something else other than omelette then probably you won’t starve to death XD Even Suzu-kun dissed him that he won’t get starve to death just waiting for an additional 10 mins XD)

Chapter 2: 大きな拾いもの / The Big “Object” that was Picked Up

Just nice the supermarket had the eggs on sale at 1 pack for 98 yen~ So Suzu-kun was glad that he had made the right choice to come with “me” together, since the eggs were limited to one pack per customer and we managed to get two for two of us~

Along the way, we spotted someone who had collapsed in the middle of the road. Suzu-kun rushed towards the person and upon realising that he seems to be still conscious, he asked him whether he’s hurt. Suzu-kun got scared when the person hugged onto him and said “I’m hungry….” (So… I take it that he’s too hungry to the point he collapse? OWO”) Suzu-kun decided to bring this unknown person back to the detective agency, since he can’t bear to leave him behind unattended like this.

(It’s funny how Suzu-kun was kind of relieved that the unknown person was quite small sized, since at least he could still carry the person back via piggy back~ XD)

Naoto was displeased when Suzu-kun arrived home with the unknown person, asking him what he had picked up and they can’t rear him. (Why is he referring him like a pet dog or something ^^;?) Hina was very interested in the new person, that he wanted to dissect it but Suzu-kun quickly stopped him from doing that as the person was still alive OAO” Suzu-kun decided to make some food for the unknown person while letting him sleep for awhile, and of course, he would make Naoto’ share as well ^^

The unknown person woke up and rushed into the kitchen just as Suzu-kun has just finished making the omelette. He assured the new guy that there’s still some more and asked him to eat up. Naoto got jealous that Suzu-kun had actually drew a picture of a dog on the omelette for the new guy with ketchup whereas his doesn’t have any. Suzu-kun reminded him that it was Naoto who requested that he doesn’t want any ketchup on his omelette =w=“

(Look at Naoto claiming that he’s not jealous of the new guy, he just want a fair treatment between the two of them XD I especially like Suzu-kun’s expression here XDD)

In the end, Suzu-kun told him that he would draw on the omelette with ketchup if Naoto asked for a 2nd helping later on~

The new guy finally spoke up, complimenting that the vegetables were really delicious since the ones he usually eats were disgusting. Suzu-kun was all proud as he told him that they were special dressing made by him, so that Naoto will eat the vegetables. (I guess Naoto is a picky eater ^^;)

Suzu-kun asked the new guy why was he out on the road at night, wondering if he was lost. However, the new guy answered that he was actually looking for his younger brother, and had lost his strength when he decided to head home. (He really wait until he has like 1 HP left though =w=“…) The new guy said that his brother - Ru, was small that it was hard to find him, that Naoto actually dissed whether the missing brother was a mouse =w=“ (He’s definitely not THAT small, Naoto ^^;)

They asked the new guy to provide more information about his brother, but what they could get were very vague details like he has large eyes and he’s really smart. He even emphasized that his brother was really smart like a genius when he’s an idiot himself… (Erm, you don’t have to diss youself like that just to praise your brother… ^^;)

The new guy finished his meal, and Suzu-kun was glad that he enjoyed it so much, saying that it’ll be good if Naoto had ate the same as him. Naoto asked Suzu-kun whether he was joking, since the new guy actually ate 5 omelettes and 10 bread altogether… (and there’s no way Naoto could eat that much XD)

The new guy thanked them for the meal, and told them that if they need any help, they could call for him as gratitude to them. He headed off since he might get scolded if he stayed out for too long (scolded by… who?). Suzu-kun said he would clean up after that, and asked “me” to head back to my bedroom first. (Aww, I wanted to help him clean up though =3=“)

Chapter 3: 亡靈の奥さん / The Wife of the Dead Spirit

On another day, the detective agency had a visitor. It was an old lady who was crying, so Kaname, being a gentleman, handed her a handkerchief while he comforted her. Sousuke was clueless on what he should do at this time so he asked Rudo for suggestions. He wanted to go for a run but knew that it won’t help her at all. Looking at his class members, Sousuke asked them if they had wanted to give a hand to help the poor lady to stop crying, but Kotetsu couldn’t do anything as he stood faraway. (Ahhh… his phobia for females had act up again D:)

Finally, it’s still down to Kaname who managed to make the old lady smile again. She calmed herself down to start recounting. Her husband hasn’t returned since a month ago, and since then she felt unease about it everyday, till she heard that there’s a good detective agency here and thus decided to come here. She described her husband as someone who is really hardworking and works at a bank, and has never stayed outside overnight. He just disappeared on a night a month ago without leaving any messages or hints.

The members made several guessed on what kind of scenario that might cause him to disappear. Did he ran away from home? Or is it because of a woman?(Why are you suggesting that he has a third party, Kotaro? =///=“)

Chapter 4: 行動開始 / Operation Start

After the old lady left, Sousuke remarked that thank goodness she stopped crying in the end. (If not they won’t be able to get any information from her at all =w=“) They praised Kaname, but he showed a weak smile and said that it’s his duty since he’s a man afterall.(Aww, Kaname is such a gentleman~) Rudo commented that the missing husband’s seems to be similar to the other cases of the missing people, as he had been spotted at the same place as the others before they disappeared. Sousuke guessed that perhaps they were all ghosts but Kotaro said that’s a deduction without any evidence or logic ^^; (Guess Kotaro really doesn’t believe in ghosts at all ^^;)

Kaname was interested in the fact that the husband actually came from quite a rich family. The husband actually had a yearly income of 30 million yen (woah, that’s around 250+K USD… OAO), so the police initially suspected that he might be kidnapped because of his money. (But since there’s no phone call from kidnappers so… ^^;)

Rudo decided that they should start by investigating about his social circles first, to check if there’s anyone suspicious. Kuki and Tsubasa appeared, handing over a list of people to be investigate and a map where the missing husband was around on the night before he disappeared. Kuki announced that Class 7 is going to team up with Class 3 for the investigations, and that includes “me” too, being their assistant. Obviously Kotetsu got a shock knowing about it that Kuki had to assure him not to worry since “I’ll” be pairing with Shiro instead. Shiro isn’t happy about this arrangement as he complained that why does he has to pair up with a “baggage” like “me”. (That’s mean, Shiro TWT TWT)

Kuki didn’t like how he himself always seems to pair up with Shiro recently, and if Shiro pairs up with Tsubasa the two of them will end up bickering instead. (I don’t remember Tsubasa quarreling with Shiro though, it seems more like Shiro getting angry by himself ^^;) For the sake of preventing Shiro from going on a rampage and also for “me” to gain some experience, Kuki thought that arrangement would help to achieve these two goals together.

In the end, Kuki even had to use his “class leader’s rule” just so Shiro would listen to his instruction. Shiro didn’t like that and grumbled that Kuki is “acting as a class leader” only at this time, which Tsubasa corrected him that he’s not “acting at this time”, he’s always “acting as the classleader”…. Kuki really wonders whether Tsubasa was helping him when he gave such a statement though ^^;

Rudo announced that he would continue to gather more information and would also give instructions to the rest of the class members on what to do next. He instructed Kuki and Tsubasa to investigate about the old lady who had asked them to investigate the case, and that made Kaname mad since he doesn’t like the fact that Rudo was actually suspecting her. Kotaro gave out a reasonable possibility, even if she was crying so pitifully just now, they can’t rule out the possibility that she might be acting. Sousuke didn’t thought of that at all, so Kotaro dissed him that it seems that even his brain is only full of muscles, but that seems to be dodged by Sousuke as he wasn’t affected by it all ^^;

Rudo instructed Kotaro and Sousuke to investigate on the people who were related to the missing husband, handling them the list of people which Kuki had brought just now. Kaname and Kotetsu were given the same task too, so Kaname encouraged Kotetsu to buck up and work hard, even if the person they investigate might be a female ^^; (How can this guy work if there’s a possibility that he would need to investigate or interact with females?… =w=“)

Chapter 5: あべこべコンビ / Vice Versa Combi

“I’ accompanied Shiro to the train station and he was pissed that “I” had no idea how to tail someone. He decided to teach “me” how to do it, though he warned “me” that he shall only teach “me” once. He explained that one would need to “blend” into the background when tailing someone, and scolded “me” being an idiot when “I” thought it meant blending into the ground. He continued that other than people who already suspected that someone’s monitoring them, usually people don’t take much notice of their surroundings. He warned “me” not to follow someone like hiding behind the lamp post and staring at the person “I’m” tailing, saying that such an attitude from “me” even made him being thought as suspicious since we’re together ^^;

He explained that even though it will be hard to lose track of the person if you’re monitoring / tailing her really closely, it would also be easy to get suspected and discovered by the person easily. “I” thanked Shiro for his lesson but that only triggered his “tsundere” side as he claimed that he’s not teaching “me” specially ^^;

On the other hand, Kotaro and Sousuke had taken a wrong route. They were tailing a bank worker to work and it seems that the person seems to like walking routes that aren’t really routes, like cutting through people’s garden, that Kotaro complained that it seems more like an obstacle race instead ^^;

Sousuke noticed “me” and Shiro and decided to wave to us while Kotaru noticed that we were actually in the midst of tailing someone ^^;(So in a way, Sousuke is interrupting us…?) Sosuke realised that he had made a mistake, but since he had already waved, he decided to just head towards us and talk to us instead ^^; (Since the person we’re tailing has headed into a coffee shop anyway)

Shiro knew that they had just came over to help cover up the fact that we’re tailing someone, so as to make us seems less suspicious in a way. “I” commented that both Kotaro and Sousuke seems to be getting along well together, that Shiro really wonder how did “I” see their relationship that way XD (Since from the outside, one won’t really think that way as both Kotaro and Sousuke were opposites of each other ^^;)

After Kotaru and Sousuke had left, Shiro noticed that the person seems to be heading somewhere in her lunch hour, and wondered where on earth is she heading towards…(Let’s tail~!)

Chapter 6: たどり著いた先 / The Place that was Arrived

Kotaro and Sousuke walked along the residential area, as Sousuke handed Kotaro a cup of coffee that he had commented on wanting to get earlier. However, Kotaro said that he had talked about it as part of a make-up conversation just now and told Sousuke to drink it himself instead ^^; Sousuke still forced him to take it in the end though =w=“ He felt weird being the person who stood in the middle of the road while drinking a bottle of coffee milk… (So Sousuke didn’ even bought coffee in the end, it’s just coffee flavoured milk =w=“)

Shiro and “I” started tailing behind the person as she walked down the streets, as Shiro wondered where on earth is she heading to during her lunch hour. Even when we were quite a huge distance away from the lady, Shiro was confident that he won’t lose track of her since he had his good sense of smell ^^: (They could still track down the person through scent even if they can’t see her anymore XD)

Shiro remarked that the lady had a really strong perfume smell that it was easy to trace as a marking. He found it pungent though and claimed that he’s not being rude and just saying the truth anyway, since at least he knew better than to say it in front of the lady herself. (If he really did that, it’s going to burn pretty bad =w=“…)

Just then, the lady seems to noticed that she was being followed by us, and started to run away in a hurry. We started chasing after her while Shiro told “me” to hand over the map that Kuki had sent to us to “my” phone. Looking at the map, Shiro realised that the path on the right would lead to the person exiting on the left, but he still decided to follow the lady down the path instead of waiting for her on the outside.

We chased her until we reached a dark alley, and Shiro found a door over there. He asked “me” to take a photo of the area, and deduced that the lady must have headed inside the building through the door, wondering that she might have a key to unlock it.

Suddenly, we were surrounded by a group of men, who decided to capture “me” instead and leave Shiro there instead. (Why just “me” though? TWT) Shiro get pissed by what the men were talking about among themselves, and asked them to get away from “me”. (That seems quite a doki doki moment actually >///<)

One of the men remarked that females, unlike males, have a use for them. He decided to use “me” as a product. (That sounds really creepy from the hidden meaning of it… D:) He took out a gun and tried to shoot at Shiro, who dissed at him that he might end up hurting the “product” this way. However, Shiro was knocked out in the end, and the men decided to capture him too since there’s a possibility that Shiro might knew something that they didn’t want him to know actually. And thus, both of us gets captured and taken away…

Chapter 7: 暗い部屋 / Dark Room

Shiro and “I” were captured and taken to a jail cell, and when he awakes, “I” apologised to him, but that only made Shiro confused on why am “I” apologising. He claimed that he’s not shielding “me” specially just now (guess he tried to protect “me” just now T///T), and that it just happens to seems that way. (Shiro… your explanation… just doesn’t really make sense =w=“) He assured “me” that he would treat his injury later on and asked “me” not to get so bothered about it. (Is it me or somehow Shiro seems alot nicer than initially? ^///^)

(At one point, Shiro seems to get worried about “me”, but flustered later on and claimed that he’s NOT worrying about me XD Keep trying to deny it, Shiro… ^///^)

Shiro explained that he had a feeling that Kuki would definitely nagged on him alot if anything would to happen to “me”, so it’s why he’s protective of “me” at that time ^^; Shiro realised that nobody has even came to the cell even when they’re talking like this, and wondered that perhaps there isn’t any guards around. He was fed up when he thought that we would just have to wait until our help has arrived, since there’s also a possibility that the enemy would arrive first before our help does TWT He started to ponder what we should do by ourselves first, but upon looking at “my” worried face, he asked “me” to stop worry about him instead and worry about “myself” first ^^;

In the end, he made a promise with “me” that he would definitely escape with “me” when we get out of this place. (Yeah, “I” won’t feel good if “I” have to abandon Shiro here TWT…)

“I” told Shiro that “I’ve” noticed that the men were all wearing hoods with weird dog ears under it, that Shiro realised that those people might be after “me” because “I’ve” picked up the pin badge. (From episode 2) “I” tried to deny it but Shiro said that it was just a possibility but we should not ignore it anyway. Since there’s no guards around who came to us even when we’re talking, Shiro said the time that we could make a break through is only when someone comes to us in the end. (Which means… we’ll have to wait…? OWO”)

Just then, Shiro heard that there’s are sounds of someone, and deduced that there’s someone nearby on the same floor as us, even though it seems far away. He guessed that they maybe people who were captured like us or someone who has unknown motives. Upon listening to it even more carefully, Shiro realised that these are sounds from a casino, as these were sounds made by the slot and card machines. He realised that there seems to be a hidden casino that were unknown to the public.

Shiro asked “me” to turn around as he untied “me”, and when “I” asked him how is he going to do it, he answered matter-of-factly that he’s just going to bite the ropes off OAO” He explained that some of the descendants from the “Kenrouzoku” have well-developed teeth, and one of them is Shiro, so he could bite through these types of ropes as long as they’re not too thick. He assured “me” that he won’t bite “my” hands though and asked “me” to just turn around XD

Shiro had just managed to untie “me” when he heard footsteps approaching our cell. He asked “me” to put “my” hands behind “me” and pretended that “I” was still tied up. “I” seems to be worried that Shiro is going to ask “me” to run away first but he assured “me” that he would definitely keep his promise and escape together. (Aww~)

Listening closely to the approaching footsteps, Shiro guessed that there’s around 3 people approaching us. However, the 3 people aren’t our enemies, but instead our comrades from Class 3~! Kaname held out a hand to “me”, asking “me” whether “I’m” injured. He admitted that he had worried for “me” when he had heard that “I” was captured by the enemy, that he had felt that his heart was going to stop… >///<

Shiro was relieved that our comrades had finally discovered that we were being captured. Kaname explained that this was because Kotaro and Sousuke were walking around in the same area and realised later on that we seems to be missing. Rudo continued that when they waited for our scheduled call and it didn’t came, they knew that something was definitely off and started to search for us by then. And that’s how they managed to locate us~ ^^

Chapter 8: 脫出 / Escape

Kotetsu appeared and informed Rudo that he had found an unknown person being captured underground. Since both Kotaro and Sosuke were handling things up there at the casino, Rudo decided to go up there and helped them. He instructed Kaname to lead Shiro and helped the person that was trapped below this level… and that left with Kotetsu and “me”. Kotetsu was flustered because of his allergy to female, and while Rudo would want to bring “me” along with him, he knew that it would get dangerous upstairs and didn’t want to do that.

In the end, Kotetsu decided to bear with it, asking “me” to grab hold of his hand as he brought “me” to the detective agency. (Aww~ Even though when he did that, he gets goosebumps all over him, he asked “me” not to worry about it ^///^)

Kaname and Shiro headed to the cell the unknown person was locked in and managed to lead him to safety, as Kaname calmed him down with his words. When Rudo had went upstairs, Kotaro informed him that the guests had escaped from the casino, and the staff denied to reveal any names about them. Sosuke appeared and alerted them that the staff had brought some help (more men) and thus Rudo thought that it’s best that they escaped from the situation now.

Back at the detective agency, Leo asked Shiro whether he wanted some recovery juice (the very sour lemon juice) and informed him that “I’ve” came back safe and sound by Kotetsu’s help. He also told him that Rudo they all were interviewing the missing husband (seems like the unknown person locked up in the cell was actually the missing husband), and asked him whether he would want to take a look at the situation.

In the meeting room, Rudo, Kaname and Kotetsu were trying to get more information from the missing husband on regarding how he had managed to get himself locked up in there. Kotaro and Sosuke had gotten some minor injuries and thus treating them in a different room.

The man revealed that he was being approached by someone to join the hidden casino, and the hidden casino was one where larger bets were being made and were suitable for people who were very rich and had lots of money. The man actually goes to the normal casino everyday after work, and this was a secret that he had not told his wife about, and was later invited to go to a “more thrilling” casino - the hidden casino not known to the public. Rudo deduced that it must be an illegal casino, since the amount of bets were larger than what was allowed by law.

The man continued by saying that though he had won initially, he started losing consecutively after that. And before he knew it, he had landed himself in debts. Rudo wondered why he had not asked his wife for help in repaying the debt since his wife’s family was actually quite rich, and Kaname had felt that it maybe abit too much that the man was thrown into prison and captured like this just because he had landed himself in debt. Upon noticing the expression on the man’s face, Rudo guessed that he had more that he had wanted to say.

Chapter 9: 迷の組織 / The Mysterious Group

The man revealed that he had heard a name, but he had no idea whether him overhearing about this name had much to do with why he was being locked up. The name he had overheard was called “Beto”, and Kaname commented that he had never heard of this name, wondering whether it was a person’s name. The man said that rather than a person’s name, he had felt that they were referring to a group or a guild instead actually. Kotetsu said that they had only managed to locate this missing man and their missing comrades (Shiro and “me”) at the underground prison, so the other missing people were still missing. Kaname tried to assure the man that perhaps it’s just the other people had stopped coming to the casino (but from his expressions, it doesn’t seems so though…)

After the man left, the three of them continued their discussion as Kaname pondered whether the illegal casino was operated by a company in the background. He also wondered why by just overhearing the group’s name was enough to land the man in prison. Kotetsu guessed that if the other people had also been through the same scenario, they would have been captured too, but there’s no sight of them. The case came to a standstill yet again, though Rudo tried to encourage them that the enemy would definitely commit a mistake in the end, and that would be their chance. However, since they guessed that the enemy seems to have a large number of man, they decided that it’s best the whole agency regroups in the morning and head towards the illegal casino.

Kaname decided to send “me” back to “my” room, since “I’ve” been through quite a hectic day, but Kotetsu started to diss him saying that “my” room is actually just downstairs. Even so, Kaname had his own ideals and claimed that it’s a must to escort the “princess” (Woah! Somehow I’ve become a princess? +W+), and he asked Kotetsu whether he wanted to send “me” back instead.

Kotetsu obviously rejected that idea, but assured “me” that it’s not my fault, but more because of him still being unable to interact with females. Kaname thought Kotetsu was alright when he was escorting “me” back to the detective agency, but he admitted that it was not alright as there’s goosebumps all over him when he did that just now. Kaname had thought that Kotetsu would have get used to “me” by now since it has been awhile since “I’ve” arrived at the detective agency, but since he’s not… Kaname thought it’s best that both of them escort “me’ together so as to get Kotetsu used to being with “me” XD (Kaname, I really like how you think about things XD *thumbs up*)

The next morning, Shiro, Kaname, Kotetsu, Rudo and “me” arrived at the hidden casino. However, when they reached there, there was nothing at all at the venue! Even all the tables and chairs which were there a day ago were all gone…

Kaname guessed whether the staff had thought they were the police yesterday and had escaped in the middle of the night as they knew that they might be in danger. Kotetsu asked Rudo what they should do now and suggested to look for guests who had escaped yesterday. Rudo agreed and said that Shiro, “me” and him would look around the venue for more clues before we returned.

Chapter 10: 闇夜の密談 / The Secret Talk at Night

Over at Cyan cafe, Kuki complained to Senri why does he only gets plain water when Shu gets tea instead XD (Look at the double standard that Senri is setting XD) Kuki thought that it’s okay if him and Mashiro had the same treatment of not getting any tea, but Rui who was in the same class as Senri also gets plain water too, so Kuki felt that the most Senri could do was to pour him a cup too. However, it seems that however much Kuki had said was useless, so Kuki decided that he shall just make some coffee for himself instead.

They talked about which company might be operating the illegal casino, and Mashiro piped up that he had a very good idea which company was the one, saying that the company was even a very big and well-known company. However, instead of really operating and managing the casino, Mashiro had felt that the company seems to be just funding it instead. He also mentioned about “Beto”, which was the group that was operating the casino, and asked Shu whether he had heard about it.

Rui also revealed some new information, even though they had no idea who was operating the illegal casino, Rui had done some research on the landowner of the venue, and also the building that led towards the illegal casino, and they deduced that once they managed to track down who the owner is, they’ll be able to reveal who was the culprit.

Mashiro asked Shu whether he should investigate more about this “Beto”. Kuki warned him that they have a fast speed of escaping though, since Shiro had told him that there was nothing left at the venue when they had arrived there earlier on. Senri said that he had received the report and it said that not only the furniture of the casino was gone, even the wallpapers and carpeting of the venue was removed. Mashiro was shocked that even the carpeting was gone since they had found the casino yesterday and the time now was today’s morning… (How is their speed so fast? And they did everything so clean too… even removing the wallpapers and carpeting… OAO”)

Somehow the conversation turned towards them suspecting that there might be a spy among the members at the detective agency. Kuki was mad as he doesn’t believe that there would be a person who would do such a thing among them. Senri said that though he understood Kuki’s feelings of not wanting to suspect anyone, he felt that it was all too suspicious that the group had escaped so fast this time. Shu guessed that the enemy must have knew that they were detectives, which is why they retreated and escaped so fast this time.

Kuki still didn’t want to suspect anyone, while Mashiro suggested to do a background check on all the members in the agency. Rui agreed since if they do not “pluck” out the suspicious seed now, it might become an obstacle in the future for them when they carried out detective work (since the person could be obstructing them again and again). However, Shu felt that it’s too early to get suspicious about anyone, and thus tell Mashiro not to do that for now. Shu had felt that if they started to suspect anyone, as it would cause mistrust among the members and he wanted to avoid that currently. (Good thinking, Shu! It’ll be bad if everyone doesn’t trust each other…)

Chapter 11: 迷多き情報屋 / The Mysterious Informant

The next morning, “I” helped out Leo in washing the dishes, and he felt apologetic about it actually. It was supposed to be Shiro and him doing the dishes today, but it seems that Shiro had not realised it at all, and Leo guessed that he must have forgotten about it, since he believed that Shiro won’t be someone who purposely skipped out on his duties and make it troublesome for others.

(It’s so cute how Leo realised that “I” actually had household duties of washing the clothes today yet “I’m” helping him. He decided to help “me” in washing the clothes together later on~ ^^) It seems that Leo had a new invention that could help in washing clothes so he was actually very willing to help “me” out with it ^^; (Let’s hope his invention works~ *cross fingers*)

Leo also revealed that he’s a part of the “Kenrouzoku” and had really good hearing actually~ He revealed his invention called “The person who could differentiate the clothes!” (I guess it’s machine that could help to split clothes into different colours or something?) However, the machine ran into mishap as it started spinning too fast and ended up being a failure later on… Leo was disappointed but later on he had yet another great idea for an invention. “I” decided to let Leo work on his next invention, which Leo was thankful for, but was kind of unwillingly to go off initially since he knew it would be hard for “me” to dry the remaining the clothes by myself. (It’s okay Leo~ *pats pats*)

At the top of building, “I” saw a new guy which “I’ve” never met before. (But if you have read the earlier episodes, you’ll know that he’s Izana.) He approached “me” and commented that he had deduced correctly that he would definitely be able to meet “me” here. He introduced himself as Amo Izana and he’s part of Class 4 of the detective agency.

Izana expressed that he had a very strong interest in “me” and had wanted to meet “me” much earlier. He asked “me” whether “I’ve” heard about him from other members in the agency. (Why is this guy behaving kind of weird… You seems kind of creepy Izana…=w=“)

Izana was more interested to know more about “me” rather than talking more about himself though. He said that he had come to know that “I” had arrived here at the detective agency as “I” had nowhere to go to, but this was still a detective agency meant for “Kenrouzoku” in the first place. He felt that “I” seems to have gained entry in here abit too easily, and asked “me” a weird question. “Do you know anything about Viidog Code?” (What is this? Why is he asking about the title of the game? OWO”)

However, Izana’s questioning got stopped short when he realised that Shiro had came and found “me” here.

Shiro was shocked to find Izana here, and asked him what on earth is he doing here. Izana gave a weak smile as he remarked that he was just talking with “me” happily over here (I do not think it’s happy at all though =w=“), and Shiro dissed back at him that that’s why he’s asking because he doesn’t sees it that way (High five Shiro!), and hoped that he isn’t trying to brainwash “me” with something that he’s saying.

Izana knew that it’s best for him to leave the conversation, since he guessed that he might get chewed out by Shiro if he stayed here any longer XD

Shiro asked if anything happened to “me” while Izana was gone. He cautioned “me” not to believe Izana easily as this guy doesn’t have a trustworthy reputation around here. (Aww~ Shiro seems really protective of “me” here >///< But why is Izana so not trustable? OWO”)

Chapter 12: 一步一步 / Step by Step

Seems that the reason Shiro had came for “me” was to call “me” to have lunch with them. Upon arriving at the dining room, Shiro complained that why does the whole class had to have their lunch together. However, Kuki dismissed that easily and said that he had been waiting for us so that we could eat together.

Shiro explained that today’s lunch was actually some sort of lunch gathering to commemorate that both Class 7 and Class 3 had managed to close a case. Since Class 3 was joining us for lunch too, the lunch looked even more extravagant than usual. Shiro said that he had initially planned that he won’t eat if “I” had said that “I” won’t be eating but since we’re here, he asked “me” to quickly sit down and eat with them.

Shiro noticed that both Tsubasa and Kuki seems to be giggling among themselves as their shoulders were shaking. Kuki remarked that he was just touched, and Tsubasa helped Kuki to explain that it’s a rare scene since no one had expected that there would be one day where Shiro would gentle to “me”~ ^///^ (No wonder their reactions are like this, I feel flattered too that Shiro is actually treating “me” very gently this time ^^)

That only ended up making Shiro blushed, as he went into his tsundere mode saying that he’s not being gentle XDD (Keep trying to deny that, Shiro~) Kuki scolded Tsubasa that he shouldn’t be so direct since that would made Shiro embarrassed XDD (Look at them teasing Shiro that way XD)

Rudo and Kotaro appeared and commented that Class 7’s members were still in a good relationship with each other as always, but Kotaro remarked that he just only sees Shiro being teased actually XD (or “bullied” actually if you take Kotaro’s words literally ^^;)

Kaname and the others arrived, and he noticed that Kotetsu had maintain a shorter distance away from “me” than usual. Sosuke noticed it too and commented that it was only a metre apart, and this was actually an improvement~! (Yeah~!!) Kuki was impressed that Kotetsu had actually taken steps to get used to getting closer to “me”, and that made Kotetsu quite embarrassed.

Kuki was proud and said he shall let the next newcomer to come to our class next time so that he could rear him up ^^ Even though Shiro complained that he doesn’t want to look after newcomers, Kuki said that he had still taken care of “me” even though “I’ve” created troubles for him ^^; Shiro answered that he just does it because he had no choice XD

Kuki was interested on who might be the one taking care of others in Class 3 since they were always split up into pairs to work together, and made a guess on it might be Sosuke actually. He later guessed that it might Kaname, or maybe even Rudo himself. (Since he was the leader afterall~) Kuki was shocked when Rudo suggested that it was actually Kotetsu, whom Kaname agreed since there’s alot of times which Kotetsu had actually taken care of Kaname as his partner~ ^^ (Glad that these two were getting along well~ XD)

Seeing how united Class 3 seems to be, Kuki said to Tsubasa that they’re going to work hard to be like that. However, Tsubasa was missing when he had turned around, with Shiro commenting that Tsubasa was gone when he had noticed it. Kuki started to feel abit weird that Tsubasa seems to just go off and disappear suddenly at times…

And that’s it for Episode 3~! If Episode 2 focus more on Tsubasa, then Episode 3′s limelight is definitely on Shiro~ Aww~ I like Shiro so much after that, he maybe a tsundere but he’s really quite adorable when he gets embarrassed like this XD Kotetsu is another one, I’m glad that his “allergy” is getting abit better though~

This episode is also one that Class 3 members get to shine abit more, since other than Kotetsu I get to see more of the other members like Rudo, Kaname, Sosuke and Kotaro too~ However, I feel that we still need more scenes about Kotaro though, I felt kind of a pity that I didn’t get to know more about him as much as the other members =w=“

The main mystery is still yet to be solve though we managed to close one sub case of the missing people now~ What exactly is going on with the casino, or say the illegal casino? Who is Beto? And who is the mysterious new guy which Suzu-kun and “me” gets to befriend, is he related to this story? (Since if not why would he appear XD) Hopefully, the next episode would be able to reveal more about it~! +W+