#[ok but i dont expect anyone to read through all this! i need to write it down to keep record tho c:]

[iciatheguardess]

Hiiii it’s meeee elsie

conflicted Elsie

Look, you know as well as I do that I love TAOCC to freaking death

but like

I may have to partially step away from it after the current arcs are over.

these goofy goobers took over my life for the last three-ish months, and while I’ve had an amazing time, it’s…caused me to neglect other parts of my life, and restrict myself more than I should when it comes to how I am on this site. I’ve stated my intention to try and branch out multiple times but I never go through with it because I just…I have things to write here! I can’t! And yeah it’s fun but sometimes I get hurt even if people don’t mean to, like, I’ve gotten legitimately ill from this once or twice.

But I feel like even trying to step away a bit is somehow abandoning all of you or betraying your trusts. I want to stay friends with you guys, but my actual life and Irlsie has to come first most of the time, because I am not JUST Elsie, if that makes any sense. Elsewhere is and was always meant to be a sona for some interaction, maybe some friendos, but nothing this…involved, because I can’t put all of my social effort onto the internet because no matter what I do, the internet is not a completely genuine place, and I’ve accepted that. There are some parts of my personality I just don’t use. You don’t really ever see calm Elsie or mental illness Elsie or sappy Elsie, maybe once or twice, and that’s intentional. This is Writing Elsie’s blog, lol, but there’s other Elsie that needs to be allowed to exist outside of the internet, and I can’t neglect her or my actual life for the sake of this.

I honestly don’t know what to do here. I love these characters on a very personal level, and have poured my heart into them, and I don’t want to straight up leave them. Even only partially separating myself seems kinda pointless because I know what happens when someone gets really behind on the lore and has to be caught up on even just a day’s events to explain why Character A looks like this now or Character B is referencing this event, etc. etc.

But there’s a point where it’s not healthy anymore. Where things reach a place where I have to admit that this can’t be my entire life anymore. And I’m not entirely sure what on earth I should do about it…

If I do somewhat step back, it’ll probably be right after the vacation arc ends. i’m gonna pour my fluff loving heart and soul into that thing, don’t you worry. But you shouldn’t expect another dungeon or something like that from me unless I have a VERY good reason and a well formulated plan. Yes, I’ll probably still engage in shippery and fluff, as well as analysis, but mostly within the bounds of characters and dynamics we’ve already established, and not much farther than that. My one exception to the “after the vacation arc” rule would probably be Yelena’s arc, because of how long things in that section tend to take, for various reasons. Yelena’s arc is barely started, and stuff takes possibly days to move even a few hours in-universe. Sooooo….yeah, I wanna finish that, I’ve put too much work into it already to just stop it.

…dang this was only supposed to be a paragraph…

…pls halp, I have no idea what to do lol.

Ok. I've read over this a couple times.

First off, I'm talking to you as L here, and not Star. I am very, very proud of you for acknowledging this and understanding that this is getting unhealthy. I think it's very smart that you dont want to neglect your yourself irl and the fact you're saying this, and saying exactly what you'll be doing, I'm really proud of it.

To give you a clear answer, if it's going to help you irl then I think stepping back is smart. Especially from the trauma and angst, because that stuff hurts a LOT and it can be really, really detrimental and negatively affect irl things. What I DONT think is that it's betraying anyone. You need to be able to put yourself and your needs first in order to be your best self, and everyone understands that you can't be on tumblr 24/7 because, well, that's really really really really unhealthy and not good. I'm really glad you're telling me about this though so I, and everyone else who sees this, knows.

TAOCC is really great but there's a LOT of heavy things on here and with everything going on, it can be super weighing and really affect people irl. I can speak from experience because honestly, I'm in a similar situation. I won't speak much about that though. It's definitely addictive and can get really really unhealthy if you let it, and honestly it's not hard to let it.

I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you, no matter what that entails. Fei and Tails and Xeya and Kumo and so many others and I love you so much and do NOT want you neglecting yourself and your life irl for this- it's meant to be entertainment, not a lifestyle.

I think it's smart to finish Yelena's Arc before partially stepping back. And I think it's even smarter to not want to do another dungeon, because that whole thing was a massive angst-fest and I think it negatively affected people more than they care to admit. Shippery and fluff and minor things is a good boundary.

I'll wrap this up now, but again, I'm in full support of this decision because I want you to be at your best. You're right, you're not just Elsie. And it's not fair for you to only be Elsie when you're so much more than that. If stepping away from tumblr will help you take care of the other parts of your life that we aren't involved in or aware of, then please do so because no part of you and your life should be sacrificed for the sake of entertainment.

Again, I'm really, really proud of you for admitting this.

Please know we'll always support you and you're super important to all of us, so don't ever feel bad for putting your needs first. Irl things should always come first.

But no matter what always remember:

WE LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOURE SUPER IMPORTANT AND WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Everything I said is applicable for everyone else reading this too. Taocc is fantastic and we love it but it shouldn't completely take over your life. It's okay to take a break or step back fully if it means the best for your health and irl life. Please remember to take care of yourselves- and everything that Elsie talked about here is FANTASTIC self care. It may be hard, but it's also the best decision she can make for herself and may be the best decision for others too.

Alright- I think I covered everything. Don't ever feel like you're betraying us Elsie- it's not betrayal, it's self care. We'll still be here for you, always. Never forget that ❤️❤️❤️

[trainwrecksys]

ok!!!!!!!! i am!!!!!!! going to just say it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long long post ahead!!!!!!!!!

yes i look like an out of touch stan with a victim complex for one character when i draw no one but bentham in my fanart and completely ignore everyone else to feel sorry for him and yes i am aware and no i dont know if anyone else sees this in me or im just paranoid but bro i am annoyed with myself !!! i hate how stannish i am sometimes because yes bentham had every reason to be called evil but yeah i had a good few reasons to have a complete breakdown when i read that in the book !!!!!!!1 too much writing under the cut about a lot of stuff that is in my head and needs to get out for better or for worse idk

i have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and i do not expect to be forgiven but genuinely the way me being a stupid shameless stan can come off to others even subconsciously is actually important because it makes me look like someone who would see a situation like the bentham siblings' in real life and side with the STRAIGHT WHITE MALE who has made more than mistakes and hurt people in moments of heightened emotion (end of library of souls)- but like not in defense of bentham for ONCE IN MY LIFE everyone feels emotions everyone gets hurt and he had a right to not be perfect after everything he went through but that doesnt mean hurting people is the course of action and bro i have completely ignored that and skirted around it for two years and IM NOT GONNA KEEP APOLOGISING FOR MAKING THIS TOO LONG BECAUSE IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE AND I REALISE HOW MUCH OF A STUCK UP DICK I COULD BE NOT ONLY ABOUT THIS BUT IN GENERAL LIFE AFTER I READ THE BOOKS AND GAINED AN ATTACHMENT TO BENTHAM

the stuff im talking about is honestly mainly between me myself and i and most of the art i post is him either chilling or feeling a bit sad but the way i completely ignore miss peregrine's issues and betrayal to focus on how oh so hurt and betrayed myron was like there was no reason he was exiled

like yes years in a big mansion with three people to keep him company in the middle of devils acre with no way to resolve his trauma can do shit to someone but what about years feeling his sisters guilt, BASIL????? what about how she mustve felt after both her brothers DIED due to their own hubris???????????? what about how she felt she was a bad sister when she literally had to be like their mother with all the baggage she had then actually mother children while thinking her slightly better brother might have been getting better with him saying he was gonna give them info on caul only to see him SIDE WITH CAUL when he had just done something that COULD HAVE HELPED HIS CAUSE and then spitefully capture her and lead them into the mouth of hell OH MY GOD

and how jacob and emma had to deal with his bullshit being all "lets talk over tea!" and waiting for when it was right in the exposition to tell them who he fucking was, then telling them he BASICALLY KILLED JACOBS GRANDPA while giving excuses and them finding out later on that hE KEPT THE SUUL FOR HIMSELF?????? i made some bullshit reason up why he did that for my headcannons but lets be real the only reason they could have at least imagined was that he was planning on using it in the library. the information betrayed them either way and to alma again it was only a stab in the gut because he hurt a guy who was basically her son

overall hes not some aesthetic victimised pookie bear hes a more than flawed man who only did some things to mend his image and cant be excused for what he did and this whole post was basically me shouting at myself

[that-fandom-writer]

3000+ words of chenford

Is this going  to be a long ass post about all the different things i have noticed about Tim and Lucy over 5 seasons? yes do i expect people to read all of it? eh probably not lol, am i gonna write it anyway because i just need to get it all outta my head? yes lol also some of it might be outta order of when it happened lol 

ok so heres the thing. it alll started in the first episdoe if you really think about it, the fact that they saw Isobel and she covered and didnt tell anyone a damn thing about it. then the fact that he was shot and she dragged him to cover to get him safe all that happened her first day on the job, and i think that with both of those things happening they both knew they were gonna be a good team, there was a trust there. tim was in a dark place when lucy came into the picture. 

she went to Isobels apartment for him to check it out, she went to her apartment in the middle of the night ot talk him about of taking the drugs out, she knew even only being on the job with him for a few weeks at that point, she knew that he had a code, and he had principles and wouldnt wanna live with that later. 

he started giving her pep talks when she didn’t even realize she needed them. when she got poked with the dirty needled at the homeless compound, the way he had her back in the hospital and the way he talked her off the ledge that she was on that day. 

the fact that when he started to study for his sargents exam, she convinced him he needed a hobby and they went paintballing together on their time off 

the audio books the fucking audio books the fact that she figured out he learns by listening, and then the fact that she went out of her way to talk to isobel about him, and then went out of her way to record the book on the mmp3 player for him so that he would be able to listen to it and learn the book 

There is also the fact when the rookies had to complete their lists he went out of his way to make sure she got her list, he even stayed for overtime, and yeah he would have said at the time that it was because “shes MY rookie if she fails it looks bad on me” but i truly think that even then he wanted her to succeed for herself he knew even then that she had something deep inside her that she would figh through any of it 

the day that they crashed the rigged car, he was looking at getting in trouble, but she went out of her way and spent the entire day trying to clear his name to ensure that he would not get in trouble 

 the quarantine there was the fact that as soon as he was coughed on he closed the door to protect her from it, there was the fact that she stayed and was concerned the entire time. the fact that they talked the entire tiem, and then she went in the ambulance with him, and covered his body with her own when the ambulance was getting shot at,

the abduction- he blamed himself so much for her getting taken, (that also shows how great his friendship with Lopez is and i LOVE their friendship as well) anyway the way he did everything he could to find her, then when they found her, the way he literally dug with his bear hands to get her out, and then he did the compressions, he did mouth to mouth he LITTERALLY brought her back to life, he stayed in her hospital room all night until she woke up (yeah i know he said he wasnt there all night but we all know lol) and then how he knew to have her food ready for her, i just loved every part of that 

when he gives her the ring back, but more so the pep talk he gives her before that, like the whole “that tattoo is a  sign your a survivor” 

 how worried he gets about her when she goes undercover, deep down hes afraid of what happen to Isobel, it worries him, and when Angela tells him about the little freak out she had and angela tells him “dont go on Tim on me” i think at that point is wher Angela knew something because Tim wouldnt get that protective over some one he doesnt care about 

Emmit - so there was the time that Tim yelled at Lucy and Emmit was defending her and she was mad at Emmit for that lol. but he was trying to protect her. or the night in the car when he was saying that he pushed her right at caleb and she almost died, and then she todl him it wasnt his fault, th look on his face when she said that was like a part of him thought she blamed him and they way she said “i wouldnt ask if i didnt value your opinion” and how right after that he went straight into his insulty sarcasm “you can do much better”

the pranks all the pranks (ill go more into details about the radio tho)

the way he gave up the promotion for her

 he goes tougher on her because he knows she can handle it. 

 her last day as a Rookie when he says “youve been lucky on the job, wait that isnt fair you have dealt with things that would have broken veteran cops” he kknows how strong she is and he is starting to get more comfortable telling her that 

the first wedding Lopez and Wesley, the looks they exchanged, the fact that Grey and Harper had that “its only a matter of time” look on their faces when she excused her self and went to Tim, the way he said “save me a dance”

 the way the night jackson died, he made sure she wasnt alone, a lot of people assume they would have possibly gotten somewhere that night had he not gotten the call he did, however i dont think he would have, i think deep down he wanted to, i think he had feelings for her, but he wouldnt wanna do anything in that moment because of how vulnerable she was that night 

*yes this is outta place but again I already mentioned that would happen lol* anyway when the team went down to find Angela, she stayed behind but she was so worried and concerned about him when he was there yes she was on the phone with him but pretty sure she knew it was on speaker and she made it a point to say Tim becareful not just for everyone

 The way that she helped him through his childhood issues with his dad without even really trying. The look on his face when she said “tim tests” when Genny mentioned the time their dad dropped him off and made him find his way home, Tim looked upset, like almost as upset as he did when he thought that he was to blame for her abduction.  Like he was upset and hurt when he thought even for a second that Lucy was comparing him to his dad. And then how she had no problem using her day off to help at the house. She had no issue going to the hospice house when he confronted his dad one last time. And then the hug outside the in the hallway the look on his face when he said “the tim tests those don’t make me like him” like all he wanted was for her to know that he wasn’t that person, he wasn’t his dad

 The way he had no issue taking Kojo, the way they still talk about him from time to time. The way he told Ashley that he kept the dog for Lucy. Or when Ashley called Lucy about Kojo and the way she said that the is a lot like tim “big and tough on the outside but deep down hes a real sweetheart”

Her fake confession of feelings, how he was all speechless and wasn’t sure how to let her down, and then when she started laughing, and he seemed legit offended that she would do that

 THE DOUBLE DATE THE FUCKING DOUBLE DATE like do I even have to go into detail about why that was as awesome as it was for Chenford fans lo

The dance at Harpers wedding. Th way he told her she deserved to be recognized and he wants her to have a nice and long career and how his eyes said “and ill do anything l make that happen”

The way he told her “don’t let anyone tell you that you cant do something, not even me”

The start of the undercover that episode where they meet Dim and Juicy, when they are then at her apartment to go over everything and practice being a couple the look on his face when she gives her ida for the back story

 The air plane, they were undercover flirty because they had to, and then they found out about Roslind, and he puts his hand over hers to comfort her, and we all know that it was Tim comforting Lucy at that rate and the way he made an excuse to get her alone to check on her, and then the way she pulled him in for a kiss even though she could have just messed up his hair and and shirt a little bit

At the table when he confirms with Angela and shes solid, he trusts her and je trusts her judgment the hotel room, how he is speechless seeing her naked back, he confronts her about the kisses not feeling pretend (at that rate im sure they were not pretend for him) then he tells her that shes good at the under cover stuff, I think in that moment he realizes that she wouldn’t be a repeat of Isobel

When they fight off 3 dudes with guns by themselves without guns and with tim being tied and Lucy being in a robe, that was just a sign of the way they are both bad asses. Lol

When he walks her up to her apartment when they got back, the way they were talking about how what happenes under cover stays under cover and then she invited him in, that right there was when she 100% knew she has feelings for him, and I think he knew at that point as well because while yes he hesitated he still walked in.  we can also add the fact that he was annoyed at first  when Chris was there.

The talk in the hallway about him telling her she needs to do the UC school. He knows its good for her, it was him telling her that really pushed her to go, Chris had already told her, Nyla had already told her, but it was when Tim told her when it really pushed her, tho that conversation with tim asl broke her a little bit, you could see it, but I think it also broke him, I don’t think he wanted to push her away, I think he thought that some distance was for the best for them at that point in time

The fact that it was Tim who realized that she was radio silent, he was the one who saved her when they got there, he didn’t ask Aaron to help didn’t say shit to arron for that matter just went straight at the door and did everything he could to pull the door open and ger her out of ther e

The episode where Bailey gets trapped in the tank, the entire time she was having PTSD triggers but she was trying to hide it, but he saw them and that’s why he didn’t wanna be too far from her at any given point, he was trying to protect her even if no one realized it, she didn’t even realize it, like the “no youre not going down there its too dangerous there could be more traps let me go instead” and he did not have to give her his duty belt lol and then the look they shared the entire time he was going down

While he was in the hospital, the way she made him go in the first place, t he way she wouldn’t take no for an answer about him going. Then when he was there and he was like “yes give me surgery” and she was like well wait what are the risks like she cared more about that than anyone else in the room then there was also when he fell he didn’t want any one to tell her because he knew she would worry because he knew if it was reverse he would be worried about her. Then when she got to the hospital and he didn’t tell her right away about him and Ashley, he told her to slow her role the fact that they had their normal dynamic, or the little smirk on his face when she said “I know” about staying to keep him company

The radio, the fact that she knew he would figure out that she was the one who had it, based on the clues, because they both know they know each other that well. And then the banter between them when he first tries to get it back from her, “is it pay back for how I treated you as a rookie” and then the sigh he told her it was nothing simply because he knew he couldn’t lie and keep saying he was fine. And then when he finally did tell her, the exchange they had about it, and how she was like “I should know better than to get in your personal business” ike girl please stop acting like you aint in that mans business all the damn time any way lol but also its like then he told her, and told her that he did appreciate it and that it was helpful, which was her goal all along anyway

The under cover opp, Tim KNOWS lucy can handle herself and is good at UC but he also WAS very concerned about her, and he knew that what Aaron said had a little truth behind, it, it wasn’t willingly trying to hurt the kid or anything like that but he would do whatever he could to help Lucys career

The conversation in the shop all day, they talked about having feelings for eachother without really talking about it like that, they talked about Chris, she knows Chris is a good person, she likes being around him and everything like that but she isn’t in love with him and they both know it. I don’t know if tim knows at that point that is because she is in love with him, but he knows at that point that he is in love with lucy. The way Chris cant read a damn room, and called her about a house in he middle of the bombs happening and everything, and tim can SEE that Lucy doesn’t wanna have the conversation with Chris and gives her an out. Tim doesn’t hate Chris, but he also knows that Lucy isn’t as happy as she deserves to be.

The conversation out side the station, she started it yes, but I think deep down he wanted to ask her out all day and was just waiting until he could gauge a little more. And then when she mentiones that their relationship is the most important one in her life he gets the confirmation that he needs to go ahead and ask her out.  The nervous look on his face before he asks, and then the huge smile on his face after she says yes. But then when she had to sya no because she wanted to end things with Chris the right way, but then she tells him to ask her again later, like she wants him to know, that she does indeed wanna go on a date with him and give them a shotshe just wants to be a single woman when they do

In the office when he asks how the break up is going, and then tells her what to do, and then asks her if shes having second thoughts, because he doesn’t wanna pressure her into it he wants it to be her idea and he wants her to want him the way he wants her. The way he says “good” and smiles when she says she isn’t having second thoughts or just the way that Chris knows that Tim knows Lucy so well he asks his opinion lol

 And then the office after the Chris break up. The way she went straight back to the station to be able to talk to him right away, she wanted to make sure he knew right away that she was single and was able to be his now. The way when she said she talked to Chris he got up to talk to her, and then the little joke because that was simply them and the “don’t make me hurt you” because that was also so much them, and then the way he asked her nd the smiles when she said yes.

I can not wait til they finally get to go on their date, it does say there will be complications but like I think we all knew there would be complications but I truly, truly believe that the writers will be smart enough to let them happen because the fans will riot and they will loose ratings if Chenford gets too fucked over lol

[deceitful-darlings]

Important question cause i dont ever seeing anyone writing this. So ive read plenty yanderes where the reader escapes while being preganct only for they yandere to find them years later.

What if mc escapes the gang bang au while being pregnant? The 1st years find them a couple years later, but notice theres no child with them. What happened to baby that shouldve been born by now? They were put up for adoption, cause lets be real, not everyone would want to keep their rapist/kidnapper child and be reminded of all the bad times. How would they react?

It’s something I think about often for these kind of scenarios, because not only would they need to be a parental person to start with, but also to be able to deal with the trauma of what happened to keep the child, and how many people could say that.

Now, they probably react better to the child having been adopted out rather than terminated, so that’s something Jack is actually thankful for, as the one who’s probably most in his right mind, he does have moments of lucidity. Even when you were with them he could see how concerned you were about the pregnancy, and of course at the concept of parenthood itself. While the human part of him doesn’t want to, the wolf in him is annoyed if you’re in situation where you can provide for yourself and gave the child away. It’s fine, you’re back and he can go back to ignoring reality, they can get the child back one way or another.

Deuce fron the moment of your disappearance went into full on denial. He lives in a delusion about your relationship, and can’t see anything that should’ve upset you or made you want to leave them in the first place. He spends years lying to himself and coming up with various excuses for your absence that don’t put the blame on either party, and his thought process doesn’t change when they find you and discover you gave the baby away. He’ll convince himself you were forced to, that you had no choice in the matter, but it’s all ok, they’re here now! They’ll get your baby back, just you wait and see!

Sebek. Well, is it any shock that he’s angry? I know, huge surprise, right? To disgrace him by not just giving away their his child, but to allow them to be given away to a human family? To be raised by people he doesn’t know, can’t trust, and will inherently be weaker than him by virtue of being human? Have you no standards? No care? No shame for your outrageous actions?! Don’t expect sensitivity from him, because it isn’t going to happen, you must have some documentation about this family you gave their his child away to, yes? Now, he’s going to pay them a visit.

Epel is actually heartbroken about it, but as with most things he hides it behind frustration and lashing out. While there is a small part of it that is down to it feeling like an insult, for Epel there’s actually something more behind it. Family. He’s used to being close to family, being able to rely on each other for anything and giving things up for one another, it doesn’t matter what they have to go through they do it together. You’ve gone against everything his upbringing was, and what it taught him. He can’t forgive you for that, you might just notice the tears in his eyes if you can get past the yelling.

As always, the one that eludes me most is Ace, while I don’t think Ace was thrilled to be a parent, I definitely think there’s a part of him that isn’t going to feel pleasant when he finds out you’ve gotten rid of the kid. There was a chance it could’ve been his, which means that in giving them away it means you had no problem getting rid of him, cutting ties and moving on. Rejecting him. He doesn’t take kindly to that at all. He doesn’t get angry, and in a way that might be even scarier than Sebek and Epel yelling, he’s just kind of emotionless, maybe raising an eyebrow or shaking his head, but he’s not his normal self laughing and jabbing at you, and what’s scarier than someone acting as the opposite to what you remember?

[youcantdateosmosisjones]

dont get me wrong- I dabble in spreaver as much as the next chode, but I'm not like... super into some of the ooc content? Not getting into specifics, because who am I to judge, but we need some more toxic spreaver rep. Like... the potential there. Two imperfect and arguably unchangeable individuals who somehow view the other as an equal- despite various conflicting and borderline disastrous combinations of character- and use them in order to both humble them self and also get back at the other person???? Who mutually just write it off as "this doesn't mean anything", but for different reasons??? One who simply indulges in conquest and pleasure, marking this as another notable person off the checklist- and the other, who just needed a little break from the responsibilities and consequences they have to live with? AND THE POTENTIALLY UNSPOKEN FEELINGS AN THOUGHTS THEY HAVE- SPECIFICALLY ABOUT HOW THEY FIND THEIR... whatever it is- SOMETHING THEY DON'T REGRET, AS IT'S THE ONLY TIME THEY FEEL AS THOUGH THEY FONT HAVE TO BULLSHIT??? Like, yeah no they hate each other and actively find themselves annoyed with the very presence of the other, but they also understand them for what they are better than ANYONE else. They are two sides of the same coin, and possess the ability to murder the other if they decided to- and yet choose not to. Why? They don't even know. But it's just... wild, that they know things about the other that no one else probably ever will, and the fear from knowing that they see right through them just kind of shuts them up about trivial things that don't exist within or beyond this moment. They just couldn't care.

Ok but in general: They literally do not care. It's... weird, but it's not like a super emotionally investing prospect beyond the greater scheme of "huh... this is kind of a fucked up situation when you really think about it. But low key I don't want to put in more than what I already have into this, so fuck no I'm not getting into it"

-I do think that if they were different people under different circumstances, they could've maybe been happy together, though. Maybe as simple villagers- or adventurers, seeing how skilled they are in that field. But defiantly without the added impact from lifetimes worth of burdens, trauma, terrors, destruction, expectations, and sacrifice. Without all that, I think the free-spirited yet determined Sparrow would've been content with the articulate and skillful "Reaver". One, a mute who commits them self to whatever they set their mind on, often to the benefit of those around them- and the other, a well-versed man with ambitious goals, but who settles for living everyday to the fullest via the experiences he gains in daily life. Different people. Different story. Y'know what? I'm just gonna pretend like every spreaver fic I read that isn't as needlessly complex as the image I've got in my head is just an au version of the story. Saves me a few braincells.

Thank you fable writers for leaving a gaping middle chunk between fable 2 and fable 3 so that I could write delusional half-assed thoughts about a bunch of polygons who I think had, like- 3 conversations? Whatever. Fuck you.

[prettyboykatsuki]

extended authors note ; how to be a dog.

WELCOME TO MY TWISTED MIND MOTHERFUCKERS.

that is a joke. i speak in jest. this fic has taken me almost a year to write. it was requested of me in july of 2022 and its currently april 2023. i want to give my highest regards ever to the most lovely and patient human being in this world miss ame. your kind words through updates kept me pushing through the very end and i hope this fic is everything you could want

ok. onto the talking about it stuff.

this fic is pretty dark all things considered. though my scale for that is kind of fucked and since this is my tumblr audience - you people are well-aware it gets bad but its... still pretty graphic. there is a lot of truly henious shit in here and its in the perspective of that guy.

tldr ; don't read if you think it will give you the heebie jeebies. u are not obligated and i am not your mother nor am i a public executioner. if this is the one fic u skip out on no hard feelings at all. i mean this.

this fic is one of Those Fics where writing it did something to my brain. i have never, ever in my entire writing career been so challenged by a single project. every single element of this fic has been run through a million things. the last time this happened was my big deku fic but that fic rlly feels like a cakewalk in comparison.

all that to say, because it has simply been seeing my eyes only for months with no input from anyone else - i have no idea how anything worked out. no beta no meds just balls to the wall insanity. i can only measure my own work so much and i have bar zero expectations for this fic just to save myself some sanity.

i ask very kindly that if it sucks u just dont tell me. and if it doesn't and u want to be nice that'd be cool too. but know that a lot of my heart and soul went into this and i hope in the very least - you are able to discern that in its makeup.

a lot of the stuff ive worked into here is related like. to plot and motif and actual development. the dog motif is a huge part of the story as is the religious imagery. i want this fic to feel like a fall from grace in a sense. it is a character study as much as its anything else. where there's always something wrong and one day everything goes to shit. i think gojo is that kind of sicko.

i also do like. love gojo so much. this fic is written with nothing but adoration for him in mind.

i dont have much to add (said after this absolutely disgusting wall of text) because my tumblr homies r very aware of what shit im up to and this fic is not a surprise to anyone.

but i hope you enjoy it if you do read and even if you don't, thanks for sticking around despite it all. i have been thru the trenches and i will need a bit of break to recuperate once its in the world for good so i hope u can be kind

i am terrible with comments and asks and tags bc it all scares me but i am so genuinely and so unfathomably grateful for all of it and i hope im finally out of my insane writing dry spell.

thanks. lots of love. sincerely yours,

fang.

[rueririn]

ALSJSKSKS I JUST GOT CALLED A PEDO ON A WATTPAD COMMENT PLSSSS

So like. Verity, OC story where we give Fairy Tail a big brother. I have said before that I didnt want anyone to expect any ships and definitely not a harem, because they're all his "kids", but mostly because I'm not interested in writing any sort of romance for Eir. But I am also alright with whoever wants to ship whatever in the comments so long as they do not force the perspective on me-- because have fun. You know? I don't control you, so if you enjoy seeing what's interpreted as 'ship vibes' between Eir and Laxus, power to you!

And so, underage police dropped by and said how disgusting that was, how Eir was technically a man with another lifetime of maturity, how grooming this was, yada yada.

(I don't care. Eir is physically two years older than Laxus, and the laws of reincarnation is how you interpret it. Did Eir continue to be an adult and is now the grumpy ikemen equivalent of a loli hag? Is Eir just a child struggling through traumatic remembrances of adult memories in his head? Is Eir's maturity adapting to his body? Is it not okay to ship him with Laxus, but ok to ship him with Jura since Jura is... two years older than Eir? Which is still way younger than Eir's unspecified 'mental age'...)

I really dont care. I am not even going to bother with the damn age question. I am not going to make him get together with anyone! I thought people would know the trend of my stories by now. The second you fall in love yeah goodbye get into your grave lmao romance is a plot device go brrr

But anyways.

Once again I put a warning in 'not shipping' because I didnt want anyone to pester me about eventual harems or keep asking what the main ship is. I don't do it to ban my readers from never talking about it again. They are allowed to squeal about how cute a duo can be in the comments or wish soandso would be the main pairing while acknowledging that I, the author, cannot fulfill their dreams. I liked that, you know, you guys be silly in the comments, let your intrusive thoughts win. Go on a siege on terrible villain #3. Have fun. It is a wattpad comments section and it isn't that serious.

So.

About underage police.

Went off about how "this isnt okay" and "get help" and how "it is obvious you are a child". "I sincerely hope whoever gave you this mindset dies."

Like. Wow. Okay. Chill.

Yaoifangirl123 just said they saw 'ship vibes' between Laxus and Eir and then doubled down on this person to say "you can't stop me, ;)" so basically you fell for the rage bait. And then you sent... a death threat? Really? To Yaoifangirl123? Called them obviously a child because they... what? The projection here. They created a "person that gave them this mindset" and wished death upon 'them' pretending they're not literally saying 'go kys if you're not, in my opinion, young'?

So I stepped in, you know, mainly because I didnt want this person coming in picking fights each time someone remotely hints toward a relationship I already said won't happen. What will poor underage police do when Sherry shows up??? All Sherry talks about is capital L Love!

I said they needed help if they were going to send a death threat over something so silly. How it wasnt their business how 1 comment was saying something problematic. (And mind you, this comment wasnt "winkwink nudgenudge ooh Laxus and Eir had ship vibesss I am now going to imagine them romantically!!!" it was "LMAOO WHY DO THEY HAVE SHIP VIBESsssS?!?" And this person felt the need to police a weird fella trying to be funny.

Anyways.

I laughed so hard when I read the response.

"I wasn't wishing death on them, I just wish the person who gave them this mindset dies, which is different."

I shit you not. They blocked me but it's still in my news feed so I can read it but this fella unironically said "no I didnt give a death threat, I said I WISH THEY WOULD DIE! ITS DIFFERENT!"

Anyways they called me a pedophile, a part of the problem, and how they "should have known I would be in support of this" because, and I quote, "no wonder you made the line between pedophilia, platonic relationships, and harem so thin" in this fic.

Chronically online behaviour help.

The line is thin? I dont even understand romance, so... If that is how you saw it... I think it speaks more about you...?

Anyways, if anyone would like to read a sincerely familial Fairy Tail fanfic, written by a romance-repulsed aroace author, about an OC going around to be a big brother to all of the cast, please give my fic a read, it's called "VERiTY" on wattpad and "it's a timeless verity" on Ao3.

Bless you all and have a greater morning!

[rebecca-babe]

out of char

watching the amazing digital circus pilot writing down my thoughts

DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT YET

-ooh the change in graphics was so good

-why does Caine enter the screen like a deflating balloon you've blown up and set loose

-WHY THE HELL DOES BUBBLE TALK LIKE THAT I DIDNT KNOW IT WOULD TALK AT ALL MUCH LESS SOUNDING LIKE >THAT< DEAR GOD THAT SENT A SHOCK THROUGH ME I WAS PARALYZED FOR A FULL MINUTE JUST IN SHOCK

-the soundtrack???? It actually sounds like a kids show when they introduce them. ALSO gangle is so cute

-someone fire kaufmo bc why is he not showing up. Disrespectful. Also does it bug anyone else that they say ragathas name like raga?? No tha??? Just me, ok.

-the 'why' in the 🎶we don't know why🎶 is so good

-SOMEONE HELP POMNI OUT SHE IS SO CONFUSED

-i didn't get the Jax simps before... I'm not saying he's hot he just has sassy fav character potential

-can someone actually acknowledge pomni or is she gonna go insane by herself

-the censorship... I love how pom goes straight to swearing. Also it seems like you put I headset on and then you become a part of the circus? Like... a vr headset? Something like that?

-RAGATHA HAS NO FEET

-IM DYING CAINE IS LIKE "stop swearing girl this show is supposed to be PG 😊" and pom is just like "SHIT BITCH FUCK ASS. BITCH!!!"

-pomni is so baby

-"did someone say something about an insect collection?"

-micheal kovatch really gets all the good roles huh

-ZOOBLES VOICE. MOMMY?

-i thought pom was gonna have a panic attack instead she just spirals

-NEVERMIND. I HATE JAX. HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO GANGLE DID YOU HEAR HER VOICE IM SOBBING BABY NOOOO

-" the GROUNDS! 🎪🍓😊😁🎶 drown yourself at the digital lake 🍓🎶🎪😊"

-was not expecting a flirty moon. Huh

-bubble what. "Why are you like this..."

- I- that was an exit door. The way Caine just goes DIGITAL HALLUCINATIONS! and shuts her down makes me think Caine is keeping them there all on purpose. either that or the exit door is something evil that Caine wants to protect them from.

-"I said that like five minutes ago"

-"YOU! do you like adventure? Activity? Wonder? Danger? HORROR? PAIN? SUFFERING? AGONY? DEATH? DISEASE?! DEATH??!!! angel food cake?"

-Caine is actually insane what. YOU PARASITE!!!

-gather the gloinks has bisexual letters

-Caine is insane pt 2

-really hoping the way to defeat a gloink is to beat the shit out of it

-"oh no. They killed zooble. Anyway do you guys want to get something to eat"

Yeah I'm only at 7 minutes so I'll stop now. I'll keep going when I wanna blab about something

-CRYBABY AND HOOHAH 😭

-gangle is my favorite. I love her. She is baby.

-OH MY GOD. OHHH MY GOD. LITTLE RUNMO REFERENCE!!!

-uhh. Yall pomni isn't okay. Can someone help her out

-oh damn. The end is just pomni realizing she'll be there forever. She needs a hug

[origamiyoda]

Leonardo

*looks thru the selection of dozens of different Leos* I'm choosing to believe u meant 2012 Leo <3 if you didn't then feel free to send me another ask and specify which one !!! :D

First impression

Well. Ok. this is complicated bcos my first impression of him was when I was like. 8? And at that point in time my impression was "holy fuckign shit this guy is the coolest guy in the whole world oh my god hes a fuckign NINJA turtle omg and hes got SWORDS"

Impression now

Upon rewatching the series a few years ago my impression was a dawning horror that I had literally just grown into his character. the awful realization of "he's just like me fr...." (said in despair). We're the same guy and this isnt a good thing 👍

Favorite moment

UH. I rlly like when he actually has moments where he's making a joke or an awful pun or some stupid catchphrase??? He's normally v serious and stoic and crumbling under the weight of responsibility so I really like when hes a goofy little guy. A silly <3 or like along the same lines when he gets excited about Space Heroes !!!! Hes just like me fr !!!!!!

If we're looking for more of a specific moment I rlly love his solo fight scene w the foot and the shredder at the end of s2??? It's SO atmospheric and visceral, and hes just like. fighting in a very feral and violent way ?? Its rlly interesting bcos again hes usually so collected so its neat to see him be able to pull away from that. Also I love the like little details of snow and their breath fogging its great and rlly cool

Idea for a story

I'd love to write or read something focusing around his guilt and/or anger concerning Splinter?? Like obviously Leo looked up to him and idolized him and I'm sure Splinter did love Leo but like. Man.

idk like Splinter put so much responsibility on him at so fuckign young and like. expected so much of him and Leo did his best but still felt like he couldnt live up to the expectations that were given to him. He expected Leo to be ready to DIE for a city that would never know his name or care about him at age 15????????????????

Theres gotta be some resentment there that Leo's gotta sort through and unpack??? Splinter was his hero and i think he's definitely got some right to be angry about what he did, or even what he didn't do. He put Splinter on such a high pedestal and I really think Splinter disappointed him and let him down, and Leo I think needs to come to terms with that in a way. Learn that he doesnt need to be the hero that he doesnt NEED to save everyone that its okay if he screws up. idk. I'd like to see something examining that.

Unpopular opinion

HES NOT AN ASSHOLE. DEAR GOD. Scrolling thru the Leo tag bums me out bcos people r so mean to him !!!! Hes not a stick in the mud jackass hes just a 15 yr old kid who had a LOT of pressure and responsibilities thrown on him and he's trying to navigate them !!! Please leave him alone omfg. YES he can b short with his brothers at times but to be fair they can b annoying !!! And he's trying his best to prove he can be a good leader !!! Fight me on this idc!!! I'm a Leo apologist he's done nothing wrong !!!!

Also hes not cool at all hes a big dork and thats why I like him

Favorite relationship

Idk if this means like fave romantic relationship or just fave dynamic but I'll just say I dont ship him w anyone really???? Hes just a guy.

One of my fave (PLATONIC DEAR GOD) dynamics he has is w Mikey hehe. Mikey is underestimated a lot and I think (?) Leo is the one who picks on him the least. Theyre just kinda buddies and I love when they team up 👍 team tide pod 4 the win :] they def have a lot of untapped potential, and Mikey brings out the kid in him which is a nice change of pace. They argue about cartoons together and its great

Favorite headcanon

UM i think hes got that autism swag and his special interest is space!!!!!! It definitely bleeds over from and into Space Heroes being his fave show. He can name every constellation and really liked being at the farmhouse bcos the skies were so clear w/o light pollution. I also think he misses the farmhouse in general bcos it was nice and quiet and monotonous :]

(I also think hes a trans nonbinary dude and demi/ace. maybe aroace idk. he/they king)

[melpomene-writes]

ok so this is shitty and very much the first thing ive ever written (and probably the last).so im sorry beforehand. and please keep in mind that eng is not my mother tongue💪and i didnt proof read. also can i be the 🦦anon if its not taken

it can be seen in the way how she excuses herself when you are in the same room for more then 10 minutes. or in the way how she doesnt hold the eye contact anymore. or how she always pairs you up with literally anyone else but her when you should collect samples from the planet surfaces or when you go out to check on the space crafts outer casing for any damage. because thats what you do, checking on the shuttle to see if anythings wrong. so a few days later when you gather enough courage to ask her whats wrong jihyo doesnt get buffled because thats what you do checking on machines and people. and the way she tries to assure you should be enough because she is looking right through your eyes but what catches your attention is the crumpled papers on the little foldable stall (because they take up so much space[no pun intended] and every mm is crucial if you live with 4 other people in a limited zone). so you know she is nervous because she always writes her thoughts and just scrumples it up if there is a word, even just one, that she doesnt likes. jihyo would probably prefer to drink till she cant remember whats niggling her but alcohol is prohibited in space and even if it wasnt she wouldnt want to be a bad example as the commander.

you try a few more times for her to open up but she doesnt budge untill a few days later. you are talking about the book you finished with momo. she is the lunar module pilot from japan. before the first day of the mission only hearing her name and the title of being the best LMP in japan (maybe even the whole endustry but lets not give her this to brag) made you withdraw a little but turns out she is a really good person to talk to while munching half dry space brownies. in fact she was kind enough to let you borrow her book. you are so engrossed in your conversation that you dont realize that jihyo is standing in fromt of the module that you’re speaking in.

“do you have a minute to talk?” this is the longest thing she said except the orders for the shuttle. you get up without saying anything, just turning back to nod to momo for curtesy.

walking to her own private room feels like its taking hours but infect it should ve less then 5 minutes because the space station that the shuttle situated in is not that big and every one stays close to eachother incase an emergency.

she sits to a chair and expects you to sit on her bed. this is better in a way because at least you have covers beneathe your hand to toy with. you know that look in her face and itll make you need something to fidget with.

“so…” there is a pause and you dont know where to look. “ i have been doing some thinking… and i think we should quit what we have. and before you say something please let me finish.” all you can think of is why arent you so suprised and also you wouldn say anything even if you want to…doesnt she know this? you always seize up when things like this adresses you. so all you do is continue looking out the portholes. it helps a little to be able to see a glimpse of another planet,S818 or something like that, tho very far away,familiar. jeongyeon explaned a few days before that it is so cold and you would be dead the second youve touched the atmosphere so no getting samples from there.

“it is just too much. the responsibility.the burden. its getting to me. i cant sleep. and i dont want to do this between all this. i dont want to think about you while i’m doing something for this mission. its not good for me. its not good for anyone. its not professional. and its making me feel so so bad.” you only now realise that she is standing. you cant formulate your words. you were never good ad speaking dor yourself and jihyo did it for you most of the time. she stops and waits for you to say something. but only thing speaks for you is the tear on your left cheek. a tear that makes you curse the gravity. stupid station. stupid gravity. stupid feelings. the only thing you manage to say is a quite “okay” while you’re wiping it. she turns her back slowly. you wonder if she is also looking at S818. you think it cant be colder than jihyos heart. the tought almost makes you smile untill you remember why you where sitting in this bed in the first place. the small bed that was big enough for jihyo and you ever since your spacecraft attached to this station. you rise slowly and say “ill be out of your way, commander.” with the best voice you can muster. you probably should say something to oppose what she’s saying “please dont say that!” or just a simple “No!”. after that you can continue to make her belive that she is making a wrong decision. you have never been happier. more willing to live. you love her. even though you havent said that to each other that much is evident the way you look at her, the way you brighten up when you see her. (even mina makes fun of your googly eyes though you try to convince her there is no such a thing but no avail.) but you dont dont say anything, you cant. all you can do is to walk away without looking back.

i loved it, tysm 🦦 anon <;3 angst will always be on top 💪

now pt.2 pls (jk, unless...)

[dearestones]

Akudama Drive Matchup: Courier

Warnings: Fluff.

@siouxxiie Request: Hello!! How are you??

Could I request a Platonic Matchup for Any of the Akudama Characters? Okay, My name is Joey but I go by Rachel, Tori or Calypso.. I am a minor(is that ok..?) I’m like at least 5’5, I have Sholder Length-ish Curly black hair, brown eyes and I have a hour-glass body.

For my Hobbies, I really love a lot of things basically… like sketching, drawing, writing, edit, playing games(so many omg), I also play Lacrosse and Volleyball, making music on garage band(getting used to it), Reading, Being with my online/irl friends, and Playing the Piano and Harp!

For my interests/likes, enstars (switchP), rhythm games, doukyuusei, mystic messenger, twf, genshin, a silent voice, lemon demon/neil cicierega in general, eddsworld, homestuck, the goldfinch, horimiya, fnaf, heathers, sasaki and miyano, blueycapsules, hxh, saiki k, hamilton (sadly, im sorry.)

Some of my traits, I talk about my intrests a lot, Im pretty silly when I’m with someone like I’ll say stuff like hai as a joke a lot please dont take it seriously, I hate negitive mentions of my voice, comparing me to people/saying stuff like "you remind me of ____", spiders. i am very bad at comforting sorry, im fine with taking with people but i will probably be very awkward until we get to know eachother more(i hope i did that right)

Comforts, cats, hajime hinata (danganronpa), a silent voice, albedo (genshin impact), lemon demon, felix kranken (twf), bread, sharks, christmas music/christmas in general, scp 3008 (roblox game), get a snack at 4am (roblox game), hotels, and my friends!

Sorry if this is to long! I really hope it isn’t… Have a great rest of your day!!

.

.

.

After reading through the information given, I believe that you are best paired with Courier!

When you first meet each other, don’t worry if your’re feeling awkward and ultimately embarrass yourself in front of Courier. The man is just as emotionally constipated, but he won’t think anything of it if you stumble over your words or if you do something that is unconventional when it comes to starting acquaintanceships. It takes practice to become used to a person so you’ll eventually get it right as long as you’re persistent. 

While Courier isn’t one to hang out with too many people at a time, he finds that he’s somewhat at ease when he’s around you. As a listener, he likes it best when you rant and rave about your interests. Sometimes, you’ll catch him smirking (but never laughing because he’ll never live it down if you caught him) at the corner of his eyes. If you tease him, he might relent and tell you that you’re actually funny, but don’t expect it so soon. Courier needs some time to get used to you before he starts emoting freely.  

Courier is a man who values hard work and what a person stands for. He’ll never compare you to anyone but yourself. If he finds out that someone hurts your feelings on purpose, he’ll make it his personal mission to make sure that you’re doing well in the aftermath. He won’t go as far as to pummel the offender, but if he ever sees them again, he might say something.

It’s okay if you’re not that great at comforting people. Courier can easily relate to that. He values actions over words anyway. To those he treasures, he will do small gestures for them like cooking their favorite foods or taking them out on a ride on his motorcycle. He doesn’t expect the same in return since you’re bad at comfort, all he wants for you is that you’re doing well. 

As for your interests, Courier can’t say that he enjoys all of them, but if you ask nicely, he’ll consent to playing a few rhythm games and watching your favorite animes. However, he’ll jump at the chance for some physical exercise. You might have to teach him lacrosse, but he’ll probably thrash you at volleyball. There’s just something cathartic about spiking balls at your enemy’s side of the court with deadly precision that gets him excited. 

In return for all of your enthusiasm concerning your interests, Courier will take you around his bike, teach you how to cook, and walk you around the city to see some of the prettier sights that Kansai has to offer. (Before you ask, no, he’s not doing it because he thinks you’re a good friend. Why would you think that? He just wants to return the favor when you share the most vulnerable parts of your life to him).

Bonus: A good way to annoy Courier is to play Christmas music nonstop months before the actual Christmas date. He’ll threaten to run you over with his bike, but it’s worth it seeing the annoyed look in his eyes because he doesn’t mean it. 

To sum it all up, you and Courier have the foundations for a great, lasting friendship. Just be sure to communicate, lest there be misunderstandings!

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If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

AKUDAMA DRIVE MASTERLIST

[eroticcannibal]

Hey Risu I think ud have some sound advice about this... I want to learn to draw n be an artist (digitally) but my brain screams when I try cos I'm new n not good at all and idk how to counteract the brain so I can draw shitty things until I get good.... It's hard to have fun when my brain is saying I'm shit and should quit :( Any advice? (I love ur art on ur art blog BTW... Ur art is good but like, not what I'm used to seeing and it's kinda nice to see how a hobby artist art looks cos I'm so used to more professional artists who take comms on twitter)

I was thinking of doing some of my shitty art to song lyrics (they're some of my fav, I draw my ocs in some sort of pose and then slap the lyrics on top in fancy font text or write it on my drawing tablet by hand) - and just don't care how bad it looks but I'm unsure if I can get my brain to not scream at me for not being enough long enough to do it :(

Any advice would be nice <3 p.s. My art is so bad it's like a kid trying to draw (derogatory but only at me) n I don't really have anyone in my life for support cos if it's not good they don't care :/// (well I have one friend, he's also a hobbyist as well, rarely draws cos he has the same issue of not being good and perfect type deal)

Oh hey its how I feel about my art 24/7 (and how most artists do!) So I will run u through all the things I find helpful

Listen. Brains are little bitches, ok? They LIE. They are MEAN. You need to practice telling ur brain to shut up. Like "hey, thats not fucking nice, I'm not listening to u until u have something helpful to say!" And its hard, cus its you, but with practice it gets easier to ignore ur brain being on one. Treat it like a toddler who is kicking off and calling u mean names cus u won't give it chocolate. "Thats nice dear im busy with my art". Like u gotta remember, for anyone trying to get started with art, it looks like a kid trying to draw because that's when most people stopped drawing. Same with any other skill u stop in childhood. My kid struggled so much with handwriting due to being ND that it switched to typing and guess what? Still has the handwriting u would expect from a small child. Because it stopped writing as a small child. I have the coordination with running and throwing of a young kid cus thats when I stopped doing sports. People who stop reading books young will find it harder to read books for an older audience. U do those kiddy drawings, do lots of them, you WILL get better.

Another thing. Heres a secret. For every artist, the majority of what they produce is shit. No really, all of them. Not just the crap you have to produce to git gud, but like, every amazing piece of art you have seen has like at least 5 fucked up sketches that got scrapped. Whole bits of painting that got covered up. All art is made up of mistakes and fuck ups. And even if u are sat there going wow this is perfect! The artist is DYING because they can see a hundred little mistakes that u cant. Art is all about perspective and honestly the perspective of the artist is the worst one. We are too familiar with the details to see our art for what it really is.

The thing that helped me most tho was when I went to art museums in Paris. I saw so much "good" art and im like. OK. This is technically good I guess? But it was kinda meh. The museum of modern art was the most disappointing cus, and listen I stan modern art ok there was some good shit in there, but there was a fucking rack of skis. Someone gone bought some skis and put them away and thats art. Hello? Oh someone painted some squares and came up with some deep meaning and im meant to be impressed. And then I go outside for a fag and I open tumblr and see some crappy 2 minute MSpaint vent art and u know what? It made me fucking feel. It make me feel like NOTHING in that museum had. Who is fucking deciding what "good" art is? I dont remember being consulted! I dont think I fucking agree that "good" art is good! I think shit art is good! Some fucking ship art scribbles has more meaning for me than the fucking mona Lisa, yknow?

And then I went to an exhibit of Picasso's sketches and doodles. Napkins with little scribbles on and shit. And they were so normal. Nothing impressive. And it was wonderful. I've done better sketches! I promise u u have done better than some of that stuff. Honestly so many artists aren't even "better", they're just successful. And idk but I think success is a poor way to measure arts worth.

There is a genuine magic to a hobby artist just. Doodling what makes them happy. Not for money, not for fame, not for skill, just because they want to. Art for arts sake, yknow?

Also I understand it can be very hard to share ur work but I would encourage u to do so with ppl u trust to give u fair feedback. Feel free to send me what u make I will be more than happy to tell u how great it is

[clatoera]

I’d love to hear the clato long live lyrics if you still do that based In yesterdays post

Okay so probably the entire 5:17 of the song could apply to them but if we wanna get ✨ specific ✨ I kid i kid ok

To start off this is a VERY VERY SPECIFIC Era okay this VERY MUCH gives like..Teenagers towards the end of training with the games coming up fantasizing about winning/those very last nights before like the games you know. okay lets hope I dont write out the whole fucking song lets goooo I think i'll use purple for speak now ok cool

I think theres the Very obvious

"..and they read off our names, the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same. You held your head like a hero on a history book page, it was the end of a decade, but the start of an age."

Like tell me that doesn't give like.. day of volunteering. End of a lifetime of training, new chapter where only one survives and goes on to win etc. Like it makes sense I can picture it SO clearly. Does this make sense to literally anyone else???

"when they gave us our trophies and we held up for town"

once AGAIN does it not give imagining winning?? returning to 2?? Like???

Of COURSE

"Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you, I was screaming 'long live that look on your face' and bring on the pretenders, we will be remembered."

DO i even need to EXPLAIN? do i NEED to explain Because it feels self explanatory. It's giving realizing this is the end and only one is coming out??? Ready to go in the games reminiscing on the life they lived because only one is coming out and this is the END this is the LAST few days they will be together but they're the best tributes District 2 has had in years and of COURSE the victor wont let the other be forgotten. Haha ouchie!

"May these memories break our fall. Will you take a moment, promise me this. That you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye..."

I mean..Come on. COME ON. Going in knowing only one is coming out but planning to fight together until the end and be the final two sort of vibe. It's a "we'll be together until the very end" vibe. Paired with the rest of the line of

"...If you have children some day, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name. Tell them how the crowds went wile, tell them how I hope they shine."

Like?? Expecting the other to win and go on and carry on and not let them be forgotten in the lives they will carry on without the other?? wishing the best??? Remember me and tell your kids about me because I was your partner and I was in those games with you and I went through that with you and I want nothing for the best for them because they are yours and you lived and got to be happy. And if it couldnt me be it had to you.

You know what I mean?? Does that make sense because it makes PERFECT sense to me.

I could keep going but I mean literally every lyric in this song does this to me I legit cry when I hear it im listening to it now and borderline crying.

Thank you thank you💜💜💜

[aj-theteenagecondition]

the teenage condition-chapter 1

(none of this is proof-read, read or do not idc)

ive got this nervous feeling about starting something new. i haven't felt really anomymous and simultaneosly been interacting online in forever, not since i was too young to reasonably be a functioning part or a contributer to the internet. before i was old enough to have my own accounts with my own name and age and personality, i still snooped and lurked around the web, but i wouldn't dare post something. i felt guilty, afraid, that oh god oh no, someone (my mom probably) would find that i watched unreasonable amounts of youtube when i said i was asleep, or read copious amounts fanfiction for a fandom mostly written about by 12 year olds and therefore, was quite shit. but im just writing, because my brain feels like it has to, and writing on paper can get a bit slow, and im terrible at keeping a good accurate journal (for fear that someone i know will read it and finally see me or understand something critical and embarrasing about me). i was going to start an angsty teen journal in a black moleskin notebook, but i felt guilty that i had too many notebooks i gave up on halfway through.

its raining like the worlds ending where i live, which is to be expected in january. i hate winter. i understand that people love the snow and rain and wearing their earmuffs and cute outfits, and ice skating, and skiing and snowboarding, etc etc. but my room is cold and my feet are cold and my hands are cold and my school is flooding and waking up in the dark makes me want to die. im not really looking forward to getting life back on a schedule and going back to school. i go to a good school, i have plenty of friends, ive never fallen too behind. things are fine. but also: things are suffocating. so many people who i've known for literally my entire life. and my same friends talking about surface level topics. sometimes i wonder if we really know eachother at all. and other times i love them so much that everyone around us pales in comparison. lately (for the last year) i've felt like i need a closer friendship, i need an outlet, i need a confidant, and even though i have known them for like 10 years, i don't feel like i've ever had that. i dont think i've ever had that with anyone at all. probably a bit of me problem.

i was on a long trip with my family over winter break and started having quite bad anxiety. to get through it, of course a good distraction would do me some good. and what better distraction than reading one of the most famous fanfics that the internet seems to have been absolutely raving about: All The Young Dudes. i finished it this morning. ok actually this afternoon. mostly what i would like to say is: fucking ouch guys. i didnt actually have that much of an interest in the fandom (definetly not planning on reading anything else about it or interacting or writing), to be honest i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. now that i've actually read it all those "anything for our moony" audios on tiktok from like over a year or two ago really pack a punch. my thoughts: the beginning was very slow, but that definetley made the rest of it more impactful; sirius and remus's relationship is actually pretty toxic, but it was delightful to read; i struggled to get through any chapter after they left school, i predicted that it was going to hurt and boy howdy did it. i get it a little but also so much of it was so sad and so much of it was all unprocessed trauma and unresolved conversation and arguments, which sort of pissed me off.

not to say that it wasnt beautiful and also helpful. things i was reminded about myself through reading atyd: my friends dont know to much about like the vulnerable parts of me but its probably because I AM bad at communicating and being open; i do not like unresolved convos and arguments (my parents fight fr); i am probs trans, and have accepted that but not really bc if i had i would have processed it and actually made a move in some direction after mentally having proposed this idea to myself like 3 years ago with the irrisputable evidence of feeling gay for men; i avoid dealing with my problems; and of course i really love a story about buddies being pals.

also i cried a lot reading it

[padfootastic]

Hi! I have many things to tell you! That snippet of James and Sirius "you'll always have me." "That'll never happen." I'm gonna make it sad and tell you about how I thought of Sirius thinking or screaming this at James when he dies 'You promised!' (or we can gladly pretend that James doesn't die, that works very well for me) Then your 'babe' with Harry and Sirius that's so sweet and I love it. I recently read a fic where it used 'babe' casually too, in a 'sure/okay babe' way and I have fallen in love. Then I have this thought from another fic where Sirius does this calming gesture of running his thumb or finger from the bridge of Harry's nose around to his cheek and it was just such a sweet gesture that I had to gush about it to somebody you would get it! Cause Sirius would totally do this, anytime Harry needed calming or safety or more love. It would be so soft. Thanks for writing what write!!

the paper bag has made yet another return today.

no but this is so sweet 🥺😭 thank u sm for reading and liking and sharing this!!! it means the world to me 💜 (edit: just saw that ur fOGYYdREAM? i love ur comments on my fics so much!!!! 😳)

ahhh the babe thing was and will always be @greyeyedmonster-18 that i absorbed into my stuff through osmosis (i’m trying to extend that to her other skills…like writing and causing emotional damage too but shh)

ok no but ur onto something there w the angst?? i can’t imagine him screaming it at james’ dead body bc he’ll probably go into numb shock in the moment but azkaban is ripe for such things. i’m thinking around his bday (bc poor baby was literally in prison on the day of) bc it hasn’t been long enough for the psych torture to really start, the memories are still fresh and stinging, and he wakes up - forgetting for a second - expecting james to bounce on his bed and wake him up with a massive smile on his face. when that doesn’t happen, well. that’s really what breaks him in those early days bc it just cements the fact that his jamie isn’t there anymore and that’s when you have him moving to like, screaming into the ceiling sort of anger. just ‘you promised you’ll always be there. i told you, i told you this would happen but no, james fucking potter is never wrong, is he? said he’ll always be there. well. where are you now, you bastard? huh?’ until his voice gives out and his throat is sore but the emptiness in his chest hasn’t lessened.

so, uh. yeah. that. (did u purposefully put the fluff after the angst as balm? bc smart) the rubbing a finger across his face thing is so cute oh my god pls. idk if anyone’s noticed but i like habits that pass down generations a lot lot (and i hc that james taught sirius most everything about love & affection and open displays of them, along with the potters being a loving bunch) so now i’m imagining james subconsciously doing that for sirius as a tangible way to sense him, know he’s there, bring him back to j when he’s lost in his thoughts—anything. and sirius picked up on that and does it to harry (also a fan of sirius passing on family traditions james didn’t get a chance to. the burden i put on this poor man lol) because he is all about that love & reassurance 🥺

pls dont ever hesitate in dropping by if u see something cute (or sad? 🤔) again, i love it sm!!! we all deserve more h&s fluff in our lives <3

[thefrontofmymind]

ok here's the thing. (lil fandom rant that doesnt matter, you dont have to read this, just yelling into the void)

i'm so easily swayed when it comes to like fandom opinions, i almost never get pressed about things that actually matter.

like when i first watched ep one of season 4, i thought eddie and chrissy were cute, i lowkey shipped them, joe and grace had good chemistry and the trope was fun albeit well-worn territory, and then she died and i was like 'oh well, in another life ig', and then i saw the chemistry the joes had and i was like 'oh yeah that's fun' and that's kinda carried on more just bc of the conversation around steddie

like both are good. i'm not overly enthusiastic about either ship but the way some people act in regards to the actual actors make it an obvious choice about where my loyalties lie

and like, i dont hold hatred for anybody. unless someone is horrible to me or someone i care about, there's no reason for me to be negative to someone, i'm very chill about this

and that brings up another point. in terms of fandoms and tumblr (and tiktok too, lets not kid ourselves) cringe is a made up concept.

if people are happy, not hurting anyone and not going against people's wishes (bc some actors/people in the public eye don't want to be involved in fandom stuff which is understandable) there's no need to talk shit about how people choose to love a show or book or game or whatever it is.

cosplayers are fucking cool, they spend hours and hours painstakingly recreating costumes that a department probably took at least weeks to perfect.

fic writers are cool, they create new material sourced from the thing they love, purely out of passion, often asking for nothing or very little in return. some of the best literature i've read has been fanfiction, and that's not a lie. not to mention writing is a great way to keep the brain active, at least in my experience as someone who spends a lot of time in hospital and home alone sick, reading and writing fic has actively made me feel like a functioning person again.

gif makers are fantastic, you guys must go through so much and honestly are so underrated in fandom spaces for the work you do, seriously. gifs are the essentials these days and you guys just do what's expected of you with nothing in return.

artists, fantastic work. you guys bring the characters even more to life, and i love seeing different interpretations of the people we love

songwriters (this one is apparently controversial) you do amazing work too! sing writing is hard and its amazing to see yall take inspiration wherever you can! keep it up!

and if you're just someone involved, you're amazing too. as long as you're being friendly and positive, you make this community a place worth being in. and that's what's important

fandoms have been like this for decades, even pre-internet. and i hate that this new perception of being enthusiastic about something you love is being seen as cringe, its crap and i wish we could all just happily coexist.