#{SUPER SCOURGE}「Why Be A King When You Can Be A God?」

[scumbag-the-hedgehog]

"Oh, it's so on now. Who wants to be first? Surge? Rosy? Macaque? ONE OF MY COUNTLESS KNOCK-OFFS? DON'T BE SHY!"

"There's more than enough to go around."

[sagasofazeria]

OC-tober day one!

Prompt: Journey

Taglist: @talesfromaurea @hellishhin @thelaughingstag

And a special Event Tag for oc-tober: @oc-growth-and-development

For this one I’m doing two things! First, I finished the maps of the rest of Azeria and I’m too proud of them to wait to share haha. The heroes journey across a significant amount of this map throughout the story.

I’ve also included some snippets of each character leaving home for the first time, as it’s the beginnings of their journeys here.

Maps up first!! Behold, the full continent in all its massive size and glory. Super proud of all of this, I think it looks awesome. Also please excuse the repetition of the name labels and compasses and that stuff, I have the maps all on separate pages and wanted to make sure they can stand alone as well.

[Image Description: Six hand drawn maps, each showing a portion of a continent. Besides the northwest corner and a small exclave on the west coast, most of the land is of the country Azeria. The other parts are part of Leinos. The continent is covered in deserts, plains, hills, and rainforest/jungle. Off the western coast is the fog-shrouded sea of dragons, and off the eastern side is the vast ocean of Aksir-Atan. To the north is the Ikarron ocean./end ID]

Now for the snippets!

Gonna put them below a cut so this doesn’t get too long.

“Yep. I’m tired, Ardos,” Faulkron said, moving to push past.

“Of what, son?”

“Well first of all, that! Stop saying that, you know I’m not your son,” Faulkron said with a growl.

“Well first of all, that! Stop saying that, you know I’m not your son,” Faulkron said with a growl.

“Maybe, but I raised you, didn’t I?”

“I don’t care! I’m sick of all this! I’m tired of being here, with you!” Faulkron snapped.

Ardos’ face fell further, and his shoulders sloped. “You don’t mean that, do ya?”

Faulkron groaned and leaned against the wall, throwing his free hand into the air. “Maybe I do! I don’t know! I don’t even know who I am, Ardos! This town is all I know, but it isn’t me! How am I supposed to live like this any more?”

“Oh, a simple life ain’t so bad-“

“Yes it is, da— Ardos,” Faulkron quickly corrected, turning away.

“You almost called me dad,” Ardos said, a tiny kindling of hope in his voice.

“We all slip up,” Faulkron said, the coldness of the words making him almost regret saying them. Almost.

“You’re sure you wanna leave?” asked Ardos, voice much softer than it had been before, and laced with pain.

“Yes.”

“You even know where you’re goin’?”

“No. That’s the point. I’m tired of the things I know, I want something new.”

“I won’t stop ya, son.”

“I know,” Faulkron said as he turned back to face the door again.

“Come back and visit?”

“Ha. We’ll see,” Faulkron muttered, pushing past Ardos and out the door.

“Be careful!” Ardos called after him.

“Hmph.”

“I love ya, son.”

Faulkron didn’t respond.

•••

Fuego

•••

The fog lay, as it always had, like a heavy blanket over the island.

Fuego lit the lamp at the front of his boat with his fire, coaxing it to life and sending the fog hissing back, the slender ship’s front pointed out to sea.

He turned back to shore. His family, friends, the King even, were all gathered on the beach, similar lanterns in hand. The whole island had gathered to see him off as he sailed into what could prove to be a fatal journey.

Fuego took a deep breath, then spoke.

“People of Zul’Zagan! I promise you all, this great journey I’m taking now? It will be nothing compared go the glory of my return! I swear by my life I will sail the sea and find the fire to burn away the Shroud, the gods have decreed it and so that is what I go to do. I will keep you all in my mind, my heart, and my soul. I know these gifts are a thanks for what I’ve done, but it feels wrong not to thank you all as well. This is and always will be my home, and you are my people. I carry you with me anywhere I may sail.”

The king stepped forward, voice regal and booming. “And I pray for smooth seas and a forgiving sky on your quest, Fuego. We will not forget you either, lightbringer.”

The king bowed his head in salute, and Fuego returned the gesture. Waving goodbye to his family, he whooped as he unfurled his sail and his ship leaped forward into the unknown.

•••

Shakari

•••

“Shakari A’Tusaara. You have violated the laws of the Duulza, your people. You have stolen from the Vhamani, those who are your elders and who wield magic you are not yet strong enough to control. You show yourself to have dangerous hubris. Your ambition could be the downfall of all of us, you know this.”

Shakari hung her head. She couldn’t bear to look at her family, watching from the crowd.

“I am aware.”

“So then you know why we must exile you.”

“I do,” they responded, fury and pain boiling inside their chest.

“Very well. Shakari, you hereby lose your place among the Duulza. You are no longer your mother’s child, and have no home in Duulza lands. You will be sent into the desert alone. If you should return and you have not been humbled, you will be met only with blades. If you should return and have made right your crimes, then you will be welcome once more.”

The elder, a rugged-looking dragonborn with sandblown blue scales, stepped forward, magic swirling around their claws.

“I place this Mark on you now. When it has gone, return to us. Remember, you are not above the world, but part of it. A dragon’s ferocity is wasted on destruction.”

A searing heat pressed into their chest, a white-hot symbol appearing on their scales as the elder placed their palm over Shakari’s chest.

“It is done.”

Still wincing from the brand, Shakari turned her back on her tribe for the last time, and walked into the desert.

•••

Jetra

•••

Jetra scowled at the man on the street corner.

“Marakos, the Hero! He died for you, all of you! He fought off a bandit scourge, and sacrificed his life! Honor his sacrifice. Be a hero! Join the army of Leinos! Remember him, and fight!”

She was sick of hearing the army talk about her father like this.

Setting her jaw, she slunk through the crowded streets toward the recruiter.

She snuck up behind him where he was standing on some crates, and before he could spew another lie she kicked the crates out from beneath him.

He crashed to the ground, sputtering, and Jetra took off back into the crowd.

When she was sure she wasn’t being followed, she made her way back to their house.

Her mom wasn’t home yet, so she let herself in. She packed her stuff quickly, and when she’d finished, she waited.

When her mom finally opened the door, Jetra had already made a meal.

They ate it in silence for the most part. They were both tired, and their minds were making all the necessary noise.

When the food was gone, Jetra finally spoke.

“I’m leaving tonight, mom.”

“I suspected,” her mother sighed.

“I can’t take this anymore, and-“ Jetra started.

“Hush, love. The less I know, the better, remember?”

Jetra sighed. “I know.”

“You’ve got everything?”

“Yes.”

“Come here,” she said, opening her arms and standing.

Jetra walked over and sank into her arms.

“I love you, daughter. Please, be careful.”

“I will, mom.”

With that, she stepped out into the nighttime streets of Anikora.

As she walked through the shadowy streets, she saw a small glowing bird appear on a nearby rooftop. It flapped its wings once, then took off. She smiled, and followed it out of the city.

•••

Alejandro

•••

His parents didn’t say why they were leaving, just that it was today. Alejandro wasn’t sure how to feel. He would miss the village a lot. He waved goodbye to all his friends, his old house, the beach, and the rest of the village, as his dad held him on the horse they were riding. His mother was on another horse next to them, with all the stuff they’d taken with them. It wasn’t a lot, because they couldn’t afford that much more space.

When they’d reached the big city, they stayed for a while, before getting on a boat that took them across a lot of water and to another city. Then they were walking again, and they walked with some other people too, people Alejandro didn’t know. There was another kid too, and they played sometimes, but it was mostly boring. They all traveled for a really long time, and Alejandro quickly forgot which way it was to home.

[berrydoodleoo]

Two tarot for the price of one! Ardyn and Ifrit as the Devil (of course) and Aranea and Garuda as the six of swords. More about these choices beneath the cut:

So first, Ardyn. I was not super drawn to Ardyn on my first time through the game, I was busy yelling at the characters (specifically Iggy and Gladio) for making such bad decisions. Why on earth would you trust him even a little bit?!?!?! He is practically carrying a sign saying ‘I’m a bad guy’! You’re protecting the primary leader of your government AND your only hope of salvation! Obvs I’m still frustrated.

But moving past that, I think the connection between Ifrit and Ardyn is interesting. It’s probably the most obvious connection, as they appear together often, and Ardyn can control him through the Scourge. But I think they mirror each other well on a story level -- Ifrit was originally a kind and benevolent god, who gave humans the gift of fire and uplifted them (like Promotheus). Ardyn was originally a kind and benevolent healer/king, who wanted to save humans from the Scourge. But like Prometheus, they both end up in chains and tortured for millinea. In the end, they both decide to destroy humanity.

They also tie into the Devil nicely. Upright, the card symbolizes oppression, addiction, obsession, dependency, excess, powerlessness, limitations. Reversed, it’s independence, freedom, revelation, release, reclaiming power, reclaiming control. The card itself shows the Devil front and center, with two smaller figures enchained at his feet (in this case Somnus and Aera). I originally had something more complicated in mind, including both Scourge Ardyn and Healer Ardyn to emphasize the upright/reversed sides of the card, but between the additional two characters and the flames, there was just too much visual chaos. And I had to include the Bone Throne, of course. :)

Aranea! This card took F O R E V E R, mostly because I decided to be clever and create Aranea’s canceled DLC look and Solara, who used a few existing elements but needed a lot of customization. I really liked Aranea’s character in the game, but I feel like the chopped story between Aranea and Solara is a major missed opportunity. There are a growing number of video games that focus on fathers and their children, and I would love to see something similar with a mother and her child. Aranea and Solara traveling and training together during the apocalypse, with Solara’s potential destiny as the Empress of Niflheim, would have been a fascinating mirror to the Witcher 3.

My original idea was to put Aranea and Garuda together, even though Garuda isn’t one of the Six. They’re both linked to air and the sky, Garuda as an eagle and Aranea as a dragoon and airship commodore, and they both have a tendency to drop in and save Noct’s royal rear when he’s in danger. FFXV Garuda is a counterpart to FFXIV Garuda, who is screamy and tyrannical, which mirrors Aranea’s role as counterpart to invading and conquering Niflheim.

Given the air connection of the characters, I focused on the suit of swords, and the six of swords really captured some elements of Aranea’s character. Upright: moving on, departure, leaving behind, distance, accepting lessons, and reversed: stuck in past, returning to trouble, running away from problems, trapped. Aranea isn’t loyal to the Empire, although she does care about her country and countrymen. In DotF, she is very aware of how she is exploited as a mercenary and commoner, but also how the MTs have it worse. Underlying that is the reality that, despite how badly she and her men are treated, as Niflheim subjects they benefit from the exploitation of the MTs -- and we know that the MTs are just regular humans whose growth has been accelerated and who have been systematically abused by Niflheim. So the card’s themes of running from problems captures this element of avoidance of responsibility, and the themes of transition and accepting lessons capture her rejection of the Empire and its military and taking on a role as a leader.

The card itself is a really striking image of a woman and child on a boat, with six swords stacked in front of them. There is a man pushing the boat, but to me, he always reads as an outsider -- he is standing well above the woman and child, and is separated from them by several harsh lines. To me, the card symbolizes the act of fleeing from hardship into peril, and being surrounded by danger and bleakness on all sides.

Which led me to creating Solara’s model! I stuck to her concept art as closely as possible, and also gave her a stuffed Cait Sith. I started with an unused child mesh from the game and rigged it with Talcott’s armature and using the Data Transfer to get most of the weighting correct. It was definitely a learning experience! It’s not perfect, but for a simple pose like this it worked.

For the rest of the card, the six swords became a six-legged spider demon (also chosen because ‘aranea’ means ‘spider’). The boat is symbolized in Aranea’s ship, approaching in the distance with a little help from Garuda. I’m still not completely happy with the final image, especially the wheat and how busy the composition is, but eh. I do like how Aranea’s jacket and Solara turned out, so I’ll have to find a way to use them again.

[dirkjakeweekly]

DIRKJAKE FIC RECS

This is a rebloggeable version of our sidebar page reproduced in full, for those who prefer to save things on their own blogs for later!

INTRO

This page is not intended to be an encyclopedia, but rather a non-exhaustive list of a few Dirkjake Fanfics (and Fancomics) for those that may be interested in the ship, but a little too tired of trawling through AO3 search! Some of these contain NSFW or suggestive content, viewer discretion is advised.

[ FIC RECS (last updated Jan 2021, click readmore for full list) ]

It’s only a canvas sky

Their guardians dead at the hands of the Condesce, growing up in the shadow of her slow takeover of the Skaian Federation, Dirk Strider and Jake English have spent their whole lives alone up until shortly before their twelfth birthdays.

Or: Dirk fixes a transmitter, makes a friend, builds a robot, and tries to communicate affection over distance to the barest possible minimum.

Read here!

GOD’S BRAND NEW FATE SELECTOR (Fancomics)

In ONE PARTICULAR TIMELINE, detached from many similar ones, an aspiring divorcee stands by his baby’s cradle and attempts to hatch an escape plan with some aid from the ghost of his long-deceased boyfriend. He’s not exactly helpful.

SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY, Dirk Strider is overcame by the nagging feeling his splinters may be getting a little out of hand and far too into his head, when he gets a booty call.

One timeline is Epilogues-Compliant, another Epilogues-Divergent. 

Read here!

We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit)

It’s been about a year since the big Fast Forward, and sure, things on Earth C aren’t perfect for everyone. But they’re fine. Really. It’s fine. Everything is super fuckin’ swell, and that’s that.

It’s not like one night is going to change anything.

Read here!

Perpetuity

“Call it a car crash waiting to happen, you’ll just call it your downfall”

Dirk is a romantic, just not a particularly optimistic one.

(Written pre-epilogues release, post-game, fix-it)

Read here!

Tailspinning Into the Epilogues with Dirk and Jake (complete series)

Read here!

Stark Nonfiction (Part of the Tailspinning series)

Jake tries his hand at a gentler epilogue.

Read here!

Between the Lines (Part of the Tailspinning series)

“It’s just… I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace, I guess. It was such a lovely jaunt with Jade, and instead of being all torn up about coming home, I feel even better, now. It’s actually been a real while and a half since I felt… bad, you know? Like actually bad.”

You don’t have much in the way of emotional permanence about that sort of thing. Surely it was months ago, when you were staring gloomily at the bottoms of bottles like the world’s most up-his-own-ass useless overdramatic dilettante. Did it even really happen, if it all, in hindsight, just seems like a dumb pantomime of misery to get attention? A successful dumb pantomime of misery to get attention, mind you, you definitely got it, and a boyfriend to boot. Was it ever really as atrocious and apocalyptic and unsurvivable as it seemed?

Read here!

A Palate Cleanser (Part of the Tailspinning series)

ROXY: hay everybody its jakes turn! ROXY: hes got a few words hed like to say about our dear departed buddy

The eulogy we missed on Candy’s page 15.

Read here!

Eschewal

“you hope he’s a benevolent god”

Read here!

Grublr. (Fancomic)

In the consort kingdom, atop of the large, humongous mansion where the god of Hope lives, there is an apartment complex.

Read here!

The Hitchhikers Guide to Your Ex-Boyfriend (Fancomic)

Jake English waking up sore and alone on a cold floor is not a strange occurrence for him as of late. The ethereal beam of light and sluggishly churning floor is new, but he’s woken up in stranger places.

If circumstances were better he’d probably have something shocked and relevant to say about this strange landscape he’s found himself in, but circumstances are in fact legendarily shit right now.

(A comic/fic where Jake English gets rights)

Read here!

The Four Kings, the God Thief, and the Black Diamond Pirates

Dirk and Vriska have it good. They raid ships, pillage merchant vessels, constantly poison each other, possess a lucrative pact with the Wind King, sing a lot of dope fuckin’ sea shanties, and captain a loveable crew of pirate scum. They’re ready to kick back, take it easy, and become the vile and revered scourge of the diamond trading line.

Then they find someone in the water.

Read here!

Sea shanties for Thots (Four Kings continuation)

Jake English has never done anything wrong, ever, in his life, if you don’t count literally all that stuff from the first installment of oxfordRoulette’s diegetic-musical-cum-found-family-pirate-AU. Luckily, that was in the last story, and he is completely better now in all respects. None of that nonsense is a thing anymore and it will not be relevant at all! Surrounded by friends and allies, with a very cool piratey boyfriend and a hold full of treasure from his recently decimated country, he’s got everything a fellow could want.

What will he do?

Befriend an octopus god. Learn to fish. Kick back. Take it easy. Kiss his boyfriend a lot. Open a jewelry company? Pursue immortality. Confront his past. Embrace his future. Maybe save the world. One thing’s for sure: there will be a lot of songs involved.

Read here!

Two idiots at Homoville, N69, TX

In a moment of desperation, Dirk goes on r/relationships. Things get oversharey real quick. He types as follows:

“I [23M] cannot understand my [24M?] roommate. He is the most bizarre man to ever set foot on earth and I’m afraid I’m losing him.”

or, and They Were Roommates.

Read here!

Drive it home with one headlight

Some mistakes are so fucking big that they divert the path of your life entirely, sending you somewhere you were never meant to go. Some mistakes are so seismic and so obvious that when you look back on your life all you can see is the beacon where you made them. Some mistakes leave you so far off course you don’t even recognize who you are or why you’re still here.

You don’t usually get a chance to make amends.

Read here!

A Tallied List of Various Occasions in Which Jake English Encountered the Elusive Smile Belonging to One Dirk Strider

Jake English, explorer extraordinaire, tracks down the most unique treasure of all: a nerd in pointy sunglasses.

Read here!

BONES OF BLACK MARROW

Dirk summons a demon for the exclusive purpose of ‘cathartic boning.’ He gets what he wants.

NOTE: This fic is ergodic (think House of Leaves), which means it cannot be downloaded for offline perusal on your kindle/pdf reader. Also has CYOA elements, so clicking “Entire Work” will make the fic impossible to read.

Read here!

fire fly

A wedding. An anxiety attack. A daring tryst.

Read here!

DIRK TOPS (Fancomic)

Ever think about how Dirk Strider got full narrative awareness of the fanfics where he’s the big scary hunk in charge and went “I can do that” when he wasn’t, in fact, able to do that? i do. i think about that.

Read here!

MLM stands for Moron loving Moron (Fancomic)

aren’t you TIRED of longing? don’t you just want to go APESHIT while dating your best bro? i mean, you’ve earned it, right? (Collection of oneshot comics. marked as complete, updates whenever)

Read here!

fist is a four letter word

Jake’s face quirks. “App?“ 

“Yeah, app. Like, application. You know your phone can do other things right? Like, apps.”

“You sure do keep using that word! I’m not quite sure I understand what you mean.”

“You know, apps.” You try to think of how to explain apps. You suddenly can’t think of what apps are.

What’s the name of an app.

Literally just name any app.

He’s staring at you.

Oh my god.

Read here!

Witching Hour

There’s something almost magical about that time between too late at night and too early in the morning. It’s the perfect time to meet a stranger and go on an adventure.

Read here!

[wowheadquarters]

don't be shy, drop ALL your Kel'Thuzad headcanons~

All of them? Hm. I don’t know if I remember all of them. Also, I stopped keeping track of WoW some time in the middle of the Battle for Azeroth, because it can either be WoW whcih I enjoy or shitwreck, and I chose WoW, which isn’t what Blizzard/Activision is currently serving- I meant to say that most likely my headcanons aren’t Shadowlands compatibile.

Anyway. Kel’thuzad headcanons of various importance as I remember them.

Kel’thuzad is his actual given name, it’s not a pseudonym or anything.

In Thalassian “kel’thuzad” mean “seeker of the truth”. (In Darnassian the same phrase is “keil tassad” and in Zandali “kel’ta sad”.)

Kel’thuzad speaks Common and Thalassian fluently. Before the Dark Portal opened he knew some phrases in Dwarven (conversational) and Gnomish (related to transport industry and mathematic). He can also speak Zandali with varying accents (mostly Amani), but he knows only five or six Zandali signs (he can sign his name, but that’s it).

After the Dark Portal opened, Kel’thuzad tried and failed to learn Orcish. He gained the skill later when it was a trial-and-error learning by communicating with Ner’zhul. Due to that Kel’thuzad’s accent when speaking Orcish is not “Human,” but distinctly Shadowmoon.

He also learned Nerubian from... well, the dead Nerubians. He can now both speak and write fluently even with encryption.

(There are 3 ways of Nerubian ecryptions and they can be simultaneously applied. This way there exist 7 versions of encryption plus 1 unencrypted text. These are known as the Eight Webs of writing. Plain text is written in the First Web, triple encryptin is the Eighth Web.)

He can read (but not speak) Nathrezim, and somewhat read and speak Shath’Yar, the language of the Old Gods. He would understand Quiraji if he ever encountered it, because it is very close to Nerubian (like Czech and Slovakian, I imagine).

The Language of Death, by the Scourge usually referred to as Deathspeak, is an artificial language created by Kel’thuzad. It is based on all languages he knew at the point of creating it, and is fairly easy to learn if you find a willing teacher. It was created for the members of the Cult of the Damned to understand ach other without them feeling like one language/race is put above the other, and to partially control their thoughts, as the language specifically hasn’t got some words or phrases (such as “rebellion”). Orwell would be proud.

He was brownhaired, but he greyed out fairly quickly when Ner’zhul settled in his head without paying any rent.

He was from Kul’Tiras. (I still want him to necromance a sunken ship. And a chalk cliff.)

His family name is Naxrierre. There is a theory that Naxrierres were a witch coven that became civilized with years, which is mostly spread by naysayers to explain the family’s talent towards magic. Another theory claims that they are a part-elven bastards which would besides the magic explain the name.

Kel’thuzad took the elf-Naxrierr theory to heart and in his ambition for one of his sons to make it somewhere else than the navy agve him a Quel’dorei name.

The suffix -ramas in Nerubian signifies not encessarily a necropolis but any place to permanently home dead bodies. “Naxxramas” is basically “Nax(rierre)’s tomb” but in Nerubian. 

As a mage in Dalaran Kel’thuzad studied arcanophysic, a way to describe and measure magic. This field is where all the calibration of spells or even negating spells comes from. He became the sole teacher of it in Dalaran, because he was the only one enthusiastic enough about it to bother.

He was that type of teacher who didn’t give homeworks, he hated correcting them. He also had his classes in the most unreasonable hours, such as 3 AM, because he had a busy schedule and non-existent sleep pattern.

Since Kel’thuzad’s banishment the knowledge of arcanophysics among the Dalaran mages has drasticaly declined and is nearly nonexistent nowadays. All books Kel’thuzad had written on it have been sealed away, which removed nearly all reliable sources from the public access.

Kel’thuzad actually had good relationships with his colleagues. He helped Alonda with her fild research on Trolls (hence his speaking Zandali).

His closest friend was Anthonidas. They used to be classmates once upon the time.

What really undermined Kel’thuzad’s trust and belief in Kirin Tor was what happened to Khadgar. He realized that Kirin Tor is not going to act if given a warning, and not going to help if hearing a plea.

He still tried to warn Kirin Tor before what he didn’t know was the Scourge. He had noticed the Amani “moving out of the way”. “Whatever will happen, and I believe that this time it will be the dead, because the demons haven’t tried that yet, it will happen in a single line from Lordareon to Quel’Danas. We know the Amani can see into the future, and they are clearing out of this path.” Dismissed as a doomsayer, he wasn’t really persistent in his warnins.

Ner’zhul’s talks to Kel’thuzad began as especially persistent migraines. Whenever Kel’thuzad tried to tell Anthonidas that his condition is serious, he was sent off with a mug of peacebloom tea and an advice not to stay up so late, and maybe lay off some stress.

The teacher who taught Thrall in his early years such stuff as writing, that was Kel’thuzad in disguise when he was rectuiting in and around Durnholde Keep.

No, Kel’thuzad has no idea the little pet-orc he was trying to groom and later kidnap for the Cult of the Damned (What a better liteunant than the one you raise yourself?) is Thrall, the Warchief of the Horde.

Kel’thuzad was tasked with finding and preparing the perfect new host for Ner’zhul. He was trying to overthrow the Lich King, so he picked Arthas as a paladin of Light whom he believed strong willed enough to handle it. And at the start of the story Arthas was.

His second choice for Lich King would have been Kael’thas.

He shuffled his cards in the deck of “Scourge politics” so that Bolvar Fordragon would take the Helm of Domination after Arthas. Players greta victory? Just according to keikaku.

He had (and still has) a “wanted poster” for Garrosh Hellscream. He really wanted him into the Scourge army. The reward was a whole necropolis with units.

Naxxramas had a dedicated “catkeeper” tasked with taking care of Mr. Bigglesworth and cleaning the acid/slime vats. Her name was Gwendoline, usually called Gwen, she is now one of Garrosh’s ghost children. Gwen died during the attack on Theramore where she was working as a spy for the Scourge.

Liches feed off people emotions and minds. The Lich Kign keeps it secret (even from Kel’thuzad) to keep them starved and obedient. The passive “nibbling” causes that people around liches start to be unfeeling.

Kel’thuzad has developed the Cure for the Plague quite early on. Ner’zhul made him test the plagues seeds on himself.

Speakig of that, Ner’zhul (and later Arthas as the Lich King) had a complete control over Kel’thuzad’s body, so if he refused to carry out an order, Ner’zhul could just make him do it anyway.

Additionally, the Lich King could kep him going despite injuries, exhaustion &c. Arthas fancied himself thinking that h killed Kel’thuzad, but the truth is that the cumulative injuries (several broken bones, stab wounds, a concussion, frostbites, poisonings), exhaustion and starvation were enough to kill Kel’thuzad twice over, no hammer needed. Ner’zhul just in that moment let Kel’thuzad die, because that was what he needed.

He used to play Hearthstone a lot when he was alive. He had a very good Hunter Murlock tribal deck.

He is asexual, and quite possibly aromantic too. In his words: “I believe in love on the first sight. And I am probably blind or something, as it seems.”

His favourite colour is purple.

Shortly before the capture of Bolvar Fordragon Kel’thuzad re-bound his phylactery from the whole urn to a single shard. The shard was sold by a cult of the Damned agent in Kul’Tiras to Taelia Fordragon as a lucky amulet.

Whenever as a lich Kel’thuzad regained his form, he always found himself knee-deep in water due to some fucking coincidences, starting with the Sunwell.

Speaking of Sunwell, he carries in himself  “a spark of Sunwell”. this has many benefits, such as power or not giving a fuck about Light being super-effective against the undead. It is a thing to be revealed out of the blue without prior warning when we need to reset the Sunwell (again).

He has enough knowledge of Troll and Orc shamanism to be considered a shaman, and too analytical and scientific mind to be actually good at it.

He also had made an oath to the Amani tribe that everything he’s learned from them would never be used to harm any Troll. It is why Kel’thuzad was not responsible for the havoc wrought in Zul’drak.

Naxxrams “responds” to Kel’thuzads emotions and feelings and even physical state. When he gets discorporated (killed), Naxxramas enters “save battery” mode. Naxxramas’ usual is “cold and static” and “cold and slightly shaking” which is Kelthuzad’s “bored” and “irritated” respectively.

He doesn’t like sweets, but he enjoyes crunchy stuff, be it cookies or fried potato slices. He craves the crunch.

He ate the flesh of several sapient beings. In several cases he knows it and the memory of ti makes him retch, even now when he is dead.

He likes dragons. He wants his own dreagonflight. (I have a headcanon abbout Sapphiron’s “Ivory” dragonflight of undead dragons.)

He has a saronite armour to match with the Bloodsurge. It decorates a ziggurat somewhere in Plaguelands. el’thuzad honestly doesn’t care. The armour has spikes on the inside, so if you put it on as a living being, you can’t take it off without bleeding out. A very emo move.

And I am tired now, so this will have to do for now. It’s not all of them, I am sure I haven’t thought of some area. But here we go.

[essays-for-breakfast]

Tales of the Past

Kiane Week Day Three: Innocence

Note: Since the identity of King’s and Diane’s child is still a mystery, I simply incorporated Ivy from my other story, Conquest of the Past, into this. You don’t have to read that one to understand this one shot. Please enjoy.

Doesn’t time fly?

One day the Holy War scourged the lands of Britannia, a threat to all life and all light, and the next King kissed Diane and sealed their unending bond through the marriage he had dreamed of for so long.

One day he held his newborn daughter in his arms, mesmerized by every breath she took, and the next she talked in full sentences and outran him in a race to the silver springs and back home.

Life hurried past so quickly, it never stopped for King to catch up, and before he knew, his daughter would grow up to go her own way. Even his increased life span as Fairy King didn’t allow for enough time to appreciate all these precious moments, to savor all the talks and all the embraces and all the kisses before time placed the veil of forgetfulness over them. But life always had a new gift in store to repay the bittersweet taste on King’s tongue when his mind drifted to the inevitable end. A simple walk, a simple conversation, a simple smile – he never needed more.

Few things these days filled King with the same warmth as when he watched his daughter play. Ivy hopped across the root-infested earth of the Fairy King’s Forest, in pursuit of a butterfly. Unlike her mother, she took a liking to bugs and critters of all kind, maybe more so than to the Fairies around her.

His thoughts circled around her in lazy turns, like ponderous bees in the summer heat, and so he nearly missed the low-hanging sycamore branch in Ivy’s path.

“Ivy, be careful or you will…” She craned her neck towards King but didn’t bother to slow her steps. Her temple crashed against the branch, and she went down. “… or you will bump your head!”

King pushed his wings to their limits and raced to where Ivy lay in the grass. But she sat herself back up before he reached her, and a sigh slipped his lips.

Ivy rubbed her head. “That branch wasn’t there last week. Do I have to die now?”

“Don’t say such silly things, you won’t die. Not on my watch.”

King flicked his fingers, and Chastifol manifested by his side, enwrapped by a golden aura. Another turn of his hand later, the Spirit Spear transformed into the translucent dome of its eight form. Ivy gaped and giggled as the pollen of the Sacred Tree healed her wound and replenished her energy. The cramp between King’s shoulders disappeared, and he allowed himself three additional breaths surrounded by the scent of flowers and the transient sound of windchimes. But, although he had plenty of magical energy to spare, the excessive use of Pollen Garden remained a lavish act.

“Everything alright now?” King asked as the gold-patterned walls disintegrated.

Ivy nodded. “It doesn’t hurt one bit! I thought I was done for.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you. I promised you that, don’t you remember? But I’m afraid that the branch above us was there last week as well. You are growing too fast.”

“And soon I will be twice as tall as you! Do you think I will be as tall as mommy one day?”

“Maybe. But I hope you take your time with growing up. Just a little bit, for my sake.”

“I don’t like being so tall anyway. Every time Lance comes over to visit, I feel like he is getting smaller. Hitting his head with a ball becomes so much harder when the target’s so tiny.”

King opted for a serious expression, but the round violet eyes of his daughter melted any steel in his voice. “Ivy, you’re not supposed to hit him.”

“Why? He always gets back to his feet the next second. He’s a sore loser, it’s not my fault he can’t admit that I’m the better thrower.”

“I just don’t want you to do something you will regret later on. You are incredibly strong, and looking at your mother, I think you will become even stronger. But strength can be used for the wrong reasons. In a moment of carelessness, strength can become a weapon to hurt others, including people you care about. I fought your uncle once because I was blinded by loss and thoughts of betrayal. I wanted to hurt him. And I did. And he wasn’t the only one I hurt. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”

Ivy crossed her arms. “But you’re not a fighter. I’ve never seen you so much as argue with someone. Not even with uncle Ban, even though he tells terrible jokes and talks too much when he is drinking that weird stuff in the glass bottles with the unseemly pictures.”

“You’d be surprised by how many battles your mother and I have fought. Come on. Let me show you something.”

Ivy straightened and climbed back to her feet – the last time King had offered her a hand, the attempt had ended in a dislocated shoulder on his part and a stream of sobs and apologies on Ivy’s part. After throwing the branch in her path a final death glare, Ivy caught up with King, and together they navigated the maze of tree trunks and broom bushes. The pathless forest allowed for uncounted places to hide and get lost beneath the dense canopy. But King knew every stone and every plant, could differentiate sections of the vast woodland by the sound of its leaves and the unique scents of morels or honey agarics. The energy of the forest was an ever-changing pattern that gave him a better understanding of where his wings carried him than any map. And so, he found the clearing overgrown with sweet woodruff in a matter of minutes.

Ivy pulled in a sharp breath. Amidst the greenery lay a war hammer of thirty feet length. The sun reflected from the bronze head. Despite a lack of recent polish, neither weather nor plant life had touched the Sacred Treasure; Gideon looked the same as on the day Diane had placed it here.

Ivy ran over and put her hands around the hilt. But she only managed to nudge the pommel from the ground. The head remained glued to its resting spot.

“What is this?” she asked and puffed when her next battle against Gideon’s weight proved fruitless. “It must weigh more than you and me combined!”

King smiled. “A lot more. This is your mother’s Sacred Treasure. She wielded it in the New Holy War.”

“No way. Mom fought in a war? And you were with her? Did you win?”

“Yes, we won. We won battles against knights and Demons, and even the foulest creature of all them all, the Demon King himself.”

Ivy abandoned her assault on Gideon long enough to gawk at King. “You mean you and mom were heroes? You took responsibility for all the many people out there and protected them?”

“Not us two alone, no. We had friends to rely on. Your uncle Ban, the Captain, and Gowther among many more. You remember them, don’t you? It’s important to have friends you can trust. So, next time you play catch with Lancelot, maybe try to be a little more careful. If you’re both nice to each other, your bond will eventually reward you, maybe in a way you never expected.”

“Yeah, sure, as long as he admits that I’m the better thrower. What else happened during the war? The people must admire you very much for saving them.”

“I believe they did. Some still do. But I never fought to gain their favor. If anything, I felt a little uncomfortable with all the parties they threw to honor the Seven Deadly Sins. There was a lot of gratefulness, some of these people gained a freedom they never knew before the war. And without the war on the horizon, the Seven Deadly Sins might have never been assembled, and Diane and I might have never reunited. Most likely she would have found someone else, maybe not the Captain, but someone who would have been willing and eager to give her the love she deserves. It’s easy to say that all fighting is bad, and I will be the first to admit that the Holy War claimed far more victims because we as a group of knights did not always stand united. But at the same time, I’m glad I can’t turn back the clock. Because otherwise, we wouldn’t have had you.”

King stroked Ivy’s soft, reddish-brown locks. She leaned into the touch, even went so far as to wrap her arms around him.

No, King would never want to turn back time and risk the life he had now, the happy ending he and Diane had fought for. But if the Sacred Tree or another god had offered him the chance to stop the clocks and hold onto today forevermore, he might have accepted.

One day, before he knew it, Ivy would be grown up, and the sweet innocence of her childhood would run through his fingers no matter how desperately he begged the flow to stop. Another war might plague the lands. Another tyrant might escape the ashes, another creature sent from Purgatory or a realm beyond the world he knew. Ivy might have to take up arms to protect what she loved, just like her parents before her.

King listened to the soft breaths of his daughter and blinked away the veil of tears. “Try not to grow up too fast. Will you do that for me?”

“Okay, dad. But I will first have to ask mom if she agrees.”

A chuckle rocked King’s torso, and the grey clouds of the future backed away to gift him with another day in the sun. “Please do that. I wouldn’t want to enrage her with another one of my selfish ideas. She could drop a mountain on top of me. And I’m afraid she doesn’t need Gideon for that. How about we go back to her right away? I miss her, don’t you?”

“Very. I wanna ask her more about the war. I bet she was a super-amazing fighter if she could lift this hammer. And while we go back, I could catch another butterfly as a gift for her!”

King made a face and produced a series of undefinable sounds. “Maybe… we could look for – er – something else to surprise her with? Flowers for example. Everyone likes flowers.”

“But they’re so boring to catch! They can’t even run away!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll try to come up with something on the way home. How about some wild berries?”

“That’s not very creative. And once mom has eaten them, she’ll have nothing left to remember the gift.”

“A mushroom that looks like a face maybe?”

“How boring!”

Side by side and engrossed in a discussion loud enough to scare away swarms of song birds, father and daughter walked back home, to Diane. By the end of their journey, they had found not a single idea they could agree upon. Diane nevertheless embraced both of them with a smile and a remark of how heavy Ivy was getting.

And as she gave King a casual kiss, he stopped the clocks and held onto this moment forevermore.

[brazenautomaton]

oh, don’t you worry though

the writing in Shadowlands is bad

I am through Bastion and Maldraxxus, 2 of the 4 leveling zones, and I don’t know if I would say “God-Awful” because our point of comparison is Heart of the Swarm, and indeed some of the concepts there are really cool, and there’s great opportunities to meet old characters in new contexts (not only is Thrall’s mom an assassin built like a brick shithouse, she and Lady Vashj are best buds because they got sorted into the same Afterlife Hogwarts House and bonded over their mutual love of garroting motherfuckers)

but it’s got the problem of “the special rules of this fantasy setting are very important to how things proceed and our ability to understand what is happening, are explained nowhere at all, and different parts by different writers clearly assume the rules to be different.” Where do the souls of regular-ass people go, who aren’t super notable enough to be sent to one of these five realms, the kind of people the Kyrian are shepherding? Who does Maldraxxus stand guard against, how often do they get attacked? Do they spend the rest of their time fighting and killing each other? What does it mean for a being to die in the Shadowlands?

and every cool bit constantly undermined by every cool concept being underexplored or straight up sandbagged, so the story can instead focus its time on doing nothing.

you spend almost all of your time in Bastion attended by two Kyrian characters, and you learn about this weird system where they all have to go through ascetic purification to cleanse all memory of their past lives, and that’s fucked up! and there’s a rebellion against this system, secretly backed by the Jailer, Lord Of Double Hell, but led by fucking Uther the Lightbringer, that’s so fucking baller! And then instead of engaging with that in any way or having a chance to say “dude this is fucked up right here” you walk from generic objective to generic objective with these two characters who are fucking aggressively generic and uninteresting.

Maldraxxus is cooler, it has character, it’s weird and not always fitting that the afterlife of eternal battle has a Scourge undead aesthetic -- where does the plague stuff fit in to that? abominations? why do people’s souls, the manifestation of their essence beyond the mere accidents of their flesh, look like fucking skeletons? Sure would be cool if you told us that! But there’s one thing that instantly establishes their Construct House as being different from your Scourge abomination stitchers by having their stitched-up patchwork flesh beasts be not only intelligent, but very very concerned that people will remember them. That’s cool. And Drakha and Vashj are cool, they aren’t “deep”, but they are cool and they are not insanely generic and when you are around them you do cool things together instead of just watching them bitch and moan. But you don’t spend nearlty, nearly enough time with them. There’s less of a “choosing to do nothing instead of doing something” problem because at least the stuff you do in Maldraxxus is cool, but it’s not focused, doesn’t spend enough time on its strong points, and is greatly injured by the “how the fuck does any of this work” problem.

after you finish Maldraxxus and before you go on to Nightweald por whatever it is, you jaunt back to the Maw, which is Double Hell that only you can escape from, abnd to its credit has a wonderful atmosphere (all of the environments in this xpac are incredible) and a wonderfully atmospheric mechanic wherein the more of the Maw’s creatures and minions you kill, the more attention the Jailer is paying to you, and that’s a really bad thing because everything just gets progressively more dangerous to you. But we have a vision through Bolvar, the old new Lich King, where we hear Jaina and Thrall being tortured (remember them? yeah) and then see Sylvanas cackling evilly with the Jailer about how their plans are unfolding as planned.

After the intro sequence where you escape the Maw for the first time, the one you do before Bastion, Sylvanas -- the Big Bad of the expansion -- has had fuck-all to do with the plot. Everything going on in these two zones so far is a perfectly cromulent ideological conflict on its own, and aside from a couple of people saying “oh this thing we’re going to do anyway is gonna be super good because the Jailer’s gonna give us cool shit for Reasons” it has no impact on anything. We haven’t learned more because there’s nothing to learn and no hints to uncover. At this point in the WOTLK levelling story, Arthas Menethil had shown up to menace you personally a few times and possiblty drag his ballsack over your face, constantly reminding you of who you were fighting and how he was entwined in everything! This isn’t how you write a cool story! If you want the bad guys to be mysterious, we need to care about solving their mystery! To care about solving their mystery, there needs to be SOMETHING there instead of NOTHING!

Why do they always choose to do nothing instead of choosing to do something?

I hear that “oh, the storylines don’t really pick up until you hit level 60 and complete the main quest and pick a Covenant,” and that’s even WORSE, because this whole thing that was supposed to get me invested has been a waste of my time! I don’t know about the other Covenants, but when it comes time for me to pick I’m not going to be saying “Oh, I need to find out what is happening in Maldraxxus!” or “Ooh, I want to spend more time with the Kyrians!”

[caltropspress]

FEEDBACK LOOP #4: Armand Hammer & The Alchemist’s “God’s Feet”

As a child I introverted and drew pictures while my mother prayed to Jesus reading King James scriptures.

—Ras Kass, “The Evil That Men Do”

The dark and evil passions of his soul, His secret plot, and sordidness complete, His hate, his purposing…

—George Marion McClellan, “The Feet of Judas”

Bury the Bible at my feet, A testament at my head. If my dear father should call for me, Tell him that I am dead.

—Nelstone’s Hawaiians, “Fatal Flower Garden”

1.  James Joyce apostatized from his Catholic faith but continued to dig it for its rituals. That was an aspect to it he could tolerate and utilize for his art, as if his indoctrinated mind could fully renounce it if he wanted to. ELUCID’s first raps were recorded in a church—hallowed ground for some; narthex reverb, and nothing else, for him. Organized religion is “totally manufactured…a tool of control,” he’s said. Still, he concedes “the Bible is a beautiful book…if you remove the spirituality.” He renders its rolling paper pages into something worth uttering. Smell the burning coals and incense.

2.  “Blow that horn fast, we been read’ to go. When that horn blast, the dead is coming home.”

woods sings first, but ELUCID’s singing voice, to paraphrase Jupiter Hammon, is a penitential cry. I turn the radio knob to 89.9 FM on Sunday mornings when I go for groceries in Passaic. WKCR’s Amazing Grace plays raw gospel, which is what ELUCID emulates here: where the more hideous the voice gets, the holier the expression becomes.

The song structure is raw and unblunted, too. The refrain cuts for 80 seconds before a single verse, like Bashō in its brevity, staggers us. The Alchemist and Earl Sweatshirt co-production is muted: soft keys and Mark tree accents. They leave space to let God in.

3.  White is not a color!

In Franco Rosso’s Babylon, the titular Babylon is—among much mayhem—the cops with the no-knock warrant—the abhorrent clampdown on the sound-system. The guns of Brixton need blazing (or at least a knife to the gut, courtesy of Brinsley Forde). “Racial tension” is only a euphemism for murderous oppression.

4.  And upon her forehead was a name written, Mystery, Babylon The Great, The Mother Of Harlots And Abominations Of The Earth. (Revelation 17:5, KJV)

When Mississippi John Hurt sings “Make Me a Pallet on the Floor,” he’s humbling himself—subordinating for the sake of adulterous love. The pallet is on the floor, and it’s soft and low. The sinful sweet-talk, he knows, signals risk: shoot, cut, stab. There’s no tellin’ what she might do. But the Book of Revelation offers an Armageddon glimpse of what she’s capable of. When accounting for behavior, though, who’s really the whore?

5.  “So the story goes…”

The pallet is full of pestilence and plague—of lice, roaches, scourges. It doubles as a coffin, or a cooling board. Son House sang of his love “laying on the cooling board” on “Death Letter Blues.” The pain of “her Judgment Day” seemed to rack him, and the “10,000 people…standin’ around the burying ground” felt it, too.

In Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men, the stable buck Crooks—the sole Black man on the ranch—associates only with the horses he tends to. Crooks’ bunk is a “long box filled with straw, on which his blankets were flung.” He’s segregated from the other workers, surrounded by harnesses and the sound of halter chains. Crooks, whose nickname carries the weight of criminality, “reduce[s] himself to nothing” when a white woman apocalyptically threatens him with a lynching.

6.  For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand? (Revelation 6:17, KJV)

Milton William Cooper’s Behold a Pale Horse is, of course, a blessing and a bane. A dog-eared and spine-cracked hood classic on 125th in Harlem. But Wise Intelligent has recognized the limits of it. In its hip-hop adoption, the failures and shortcomings show through. Like on 2000’s “Horsementality,” where Kurupt barks a litany of adverbs including “ultramagnetically,” and it’s on “We Are the Horsemen” that Ced Gee looks beyond God to complain “the universe bothers [him].” You’ve got Canibus’ needlessly excessive 666 wordplay and Kool Keith’s “gamma data” and “galactic horse” super-scientifical madness. ELUCID, though, deals in the concrete, disregards the conspiratorial. He “find[s] the spirit getting lifted,” in a decidedly non-Keith Murray manner. When he beholds the white horse that comes forth conquering, we’re reminded of his anticolonialism, not black helicopters and chemtrails.

7.  “In the blink of an eye, the faithful go where they are made whole. / …the dead coming home, prepare a table... / Leave your freshest linens.”

God’ll have you feeling welcome, invited, only to leave you to the cops for violating the Sabbath. He’ll roll up on you like, Wilt thou be made whole? (John 5:6, KJV). Like, Motherfucker, do I look like I want your help? He’ll convince you your disability deserves a miracle, crap on crip culture, and then chastise you about “sin” while he spits ableist fictions.

8.  “Singing murder ballads. / Looking for a body.”

Harry Allen, in his eccentric and alchemical liner notes for the Anthology of American Folk Music, pens a summative headline for “Fatal Flower Garden”: “GAUDY WOMAN LURES CHILD FROM PLAYFELLOWS; STABS HIM AS VICTIM DICTATES MESSAGE TO PARENTS.”

There’s a foreboding to, arguably, every Armand Hammer recording—an educated guess, or a warning. (Aw shit!—you got a red dot on your head, too.) The mood is pervasive, like lily-white hands in murder ballads. One can find comfort in this consistency. It’s a proven fact ELUCID is up on that folk tradition shit: He hammers out danger. He hammers out a warning. What the song does is make the killing, the revolution, irresistible.

9.  For he must reign, till he hath put all enemies under his feet. (1 Corinthians 15:25, KJV)

What do God’s feet do exactly?

Does He still keep His Timbs on? Does He pirouette spin in a pair of Timbs? Is it haram to show the sole of your shoe?

If you read Corinthians, the feat of God’s feet suggests a more Old Testament-style HIB violator—a brutal and vengeful supreme being on the bully pulpit letting you know what’s what. Or maybe it’s not so wrathful. Maybe God’s feet are just a power move—the aggrandizement of the Godhead at the expense of the masses: “The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool” (Isaiah 66:1, KJV). We’re used to getting stepped on. The back alley boot stomp. We mortify our flesh, self-flagellate. And we keep coming back for more. But why? “God’s Feet” speaks of a return, but it’s more a recidivism.

Images:

The Siege and Destruction of Jerusalem (detail), by David Roberts (1850) | Screenshot from Franco Rosso’s Babylon (1980) | Mississippi John Hurt, Folk Songs And Blues cover art (detail), Piedmont Records (1963) | [Dr. Richard Burr, an embalming surgeon in the Army of the James demonstrating the procedure on a dead soldier] between 1860 and 1865 | Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (detail), Viktor Vasnetsov (1887) | The Crucifixion, panel from the Isenheim altarpiece (detail), Matthias Grünwald (1515) | Anthology of American Folk Music liner notes (detail), ed. Harry Smith (1952) | Screenshot from Franco Rosso’s Babylon (1980)

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 14: SCOURGE

............

............

......Huh?

Oh, hello there! My name's Lutrudis, pleased to meet you. Judging from that look of surprise on your face however, it's evident that you weren't looking for ME per say... What's that? You want to know what this is? Right, of course, my apologies.

Well, this is a mini-series belonging to... ahem, my creator, in which he goes into slightly more detail about his thoughts on the villains in Sonic's history, and why he thinks they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). Usually he gives his stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. He also stresses that these are just his own personal thoughts, and that whether you agree or disagree, you're free to share your own thoughts and opinions.

Unfortunately, as you may have gathered, it seems he's a bit occupied for today, and is thus unable to do a review... is what I WOULD be saying if he didn't let me cover for him! That's right boys and girls, I'll be filling in for him today, by doing a little review of my own! Please forgive me if I prattle on for extended periods, but I sincerely hope my efforts in assessing the Wrong'un of the Week are of the utmost quality. Truth be told, it's kind of nerve-wracking, but I'm happy to give it my all for you guys. ❤️

So then, let's carry on with the show, shall we? Welcome to a new edition of Sweet or... Sour. Welcome to Sweet or Sour. Yes indeed, heh heh... (Is the creator's language normally this gratuitous? I hope Cream hasn't seen his posts...)

Anyhow, for today's review... well, this is quite interesting. Normally the creator prefers to keep his reviews focused on game-centric villains, but I guess he made an exception with this one. Today, we'll be directing our attention to a notorious copycat of our blue hero in the Archie continuity, and legendary connoisseur of 70's fashion: Scourge the Hedgehog.

The Gist: Once upon a time, in the land of comics, there was a world known by all as Mobius. But there was also a parallel dimension called Anti-Mobius, or as it would later become known as, Moebius... one E makes all the difference, apparently. Anyway, in this dimension, everyone and everything that existed in Mobius had an identical equivalent in Anti-Mobius, but things operated a bit differently, in the sense that they were largely the opposite of what we were familiar with.

Putting aside the rather disturbing implication that this world might not have had any real will or independence if it existed purely to do the opposite of what Mobius did, this meant that it had a Sonic the Hedgehog of its very own, as well as a father to that Sonic. Sadly though, this Sonic's father was not that kind to him. In fact, he was said to be a rather poor excuse for a father, as evidenced by how he didn't give his son enough attention, and... oh, that's it.

How awful.

I'd say his choice of attire is the real crime presented here.

Anti-Mobius in its original form experienced a period of Great Peace, but alas, it was not to last. It soon became a shadow of its former glory, which seemed prophetic in hindsight, as it was by this time that this world's Sonic the Hedgehog - Evil Sonic - murdered his own father in cold blood, and then threw his world's incarnation of King Maximilian Acorn into the Zone of Silence. He quickly became a dictator to the people of Anti-Mobius, with his only immediate opposition coming in the form of the kindhearted counterpart to Dr. Ivo Robotnik... or should that be Dr. Julian Robotnik, in this continuity...? Hmm, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore...

Naturally, the laws of the universe saw fit to correct this wrong. Just as water is wet, and fire is hot, Sonic gives evildoers a right kicking. And lo and behold, our magnificent hero did eventually meet his evil duplicate. The two were evenly matched in speed, but the good-natured Sonic triumphed regardless, possibly because he had more wittiness on his person.

Pictured: Quality banter.

Evil Sonic later brought along the rest of his gang to aid him, who predictably mirrored Sonic's own band of Freedom Fighters. They were just as much of a match for our heroes, which is a polite way of saying they weren't. You really shouldn't expect anything exquisite when they looked like this.

Maybe you should call your group something else then...

These parlor games went on for a while, with the status quo never truly changing. But then, after one final showdown with Sonic, the evil Robotnik of Mobius kicked the bucket, which among other things, inspired ANOTHER Robotnik to fill the void. This Robo-Robotnik took Evil Sonic along with him to commit many acts of dastardly intent, an act of generosity that proved to be tragically undermined by Evil Sonic getting caught and trapped by different people time and time again, to the point where even his old gang had long replaced him with a new leader. He did go on to escape the grasp of one Zonic the Zone Cop... only to later get arrested again by the same guy. So far, so adorably incompetent, right?

Still, he did bust out once more, and he proceeded to turn the overall universe into a glorified soap drama by pulling the moves on numerous ladies in Mobius, which in true Evil Sonic style, achieved precisely nothing of merit. Even after he briefly teamed up with Rouge the Bat, his luck persisted in not manifesting. But things were about to get even worse... for us. On a meta level, if you know what I mean.

After one final botched attempt at pointless thievery, with the Master Emerald being the prime target in this particular case, Evil Sonic's attempt to gain himself a super form was halted midway with great force by none other than Locke, the notorious father and attempted microwave murderer of Knuckles the Echidna. Rather than kill him however, all this did was change his fur to green, and leave him with some hardcore scars.

He promptly renamed himself Scourge. Because he's a real SCOURGE to good ideas, har har.

New kid in town, do not steal.

With his first act of villainy as a new man tattering to pieces due to foolishly invoking the wrath of Shadow the Hedgehog, he soon crossed paths with Dr. Finitevus, an albino echidna who otherwise looked exactly like Knuckles (good heavens, how many of these can one muster?), and spent some time on his side by aiding a new gang of lovely gentlemen called the Destructix. Together, these functioning psychopaths committed more mindless evil.

He also managed to swoon over Fiona Fox to his side, a miraculous modicum of success considering you need some sort of charm to be able to do that, of which Scourge has shown nil. I'm hardly an expert on dishing out romantic advice, but I'm willing to bet there's plenty of superior fish in the sea, Fiona...

How about “Oh my god, did I seriously die to THESE losers?”

Eventually, Scourge and Fiona broke away from Finitevus' allegiance after the deadly and boring Enerjak was unleashed on Mobius. He returned to Anti-Mobius, and it turned out that any repairs made since the last time he was king didn't amount to anything substantial, because he went and conquered the entire land all over again. Rechristening his old gang as the Suppression Squad, he continued Being Evil™ some more, until the aforementioned Suppression Squad betrayed him for constantly being abhorrent to them, which led to him being stuck with Rosy the Rascal for a while, yet another shameful derivative of a close friend.

In his last days, at long last, he finally achieved a super form with the power of an Anarchy Beryl... only to get soundly thrashed once again, get thrown in prison, and then just when it seemed he'd be back in business, he got wiped out by the Genesis Wave. Tch, Mondays, am I right?

As you can tell from my words alone, let alone in an extremely abridged format, he did a fair amount over the years... and yet at the same time, when you really think about it, he ultimately did so very little.

Oh, and there was also a Metal Scourge at one point. I'm aware that the man who made him has never been all there in the head, but I still find myself questioning why he saw fit to go through with this nonsense.

I shouldn't need to say this, but that's a disgrace to the hostile Eggman robot that I know and detest.

The Design: Well, he started off as a Sonic, so it's to be expected that he'd look exactly like the lovable goof. Since this was ~Evil~ Sonic though, he was determined to remind us at all times that Grease was in fact the word.

~You're the one I don't want, you're not the one for, no-ho-ho, honey~

Then he turned green, and... yeah, he turned green. All I can say, really.

Please excuse me, I'm utterly beside myself with amazement.

It doesn't quite strike the imaginative chords, needless to say. And neither does his super state, which... I'm sorry, it's not normally my cup of tea to chide others for their appearance, but just look at this tripe for a moment.

No, I don't think I will.

When you combine his already ridiculous self with black eyes and a tiara... what exactly is the intent here? Am I supposed to be intimidated by this display?

Keep this between us if you can, but personally, I'm more intimidated by staircases than I am by this fiend.

The Personality: You would think that since a Sonic is a Sonic, Scourge would share a lot of his personality with our Sonic. And that is true... in the most superficial sense possible.

Sure, he's jovial, cocky, and prone to moments of overconfidence, which is enough to sound very familiar to us on paper. Beyond that however, that's all they really have in common beside their appearance. In every other category, you could argue that Scourge is the exact opposite of Sonic.

For instance, whereas Sonic is supremely loyal to his friends (trust me, I’m grateful to know!), Scourge treats his gang like fetid garbage, and that's when he's not outright abandoning them, neglecting them, and putting them in danger. Likewise, whereas Sonic is a blue bundle of bravery no matter the odds, Scourge is a poor little chicken when the going gets tough, despite all his ramblings about being Sonic's full potential.

This means that for all the acclaim he receives as Sonic's evil doppelganger... he shares very few similarities with who he's replicating. He's barely any different from all the other ruffians that Sonic faces, so what point is there to him being a Sonic at all? If he had a different name and design entirely, what would honestly be lost in translation?

But then, maybe he would just become Mephiles the Dark instead.

Or Mimic the Octopus instead.

Or Eggman Nega instead.

Or Ken Penders instead.

Or... sheesh, they all kind of blend together after a while, don’t they?

The Execution: If my general tone has thus far not been enough of an obvious indication, I do not rank Scourge with any particular favouritism when it comes to Sonic's rogue gallery.

Mind you, ANYONE who threatens our world and tries to kill my friends is nothing but rancid at their core, and as long as they remain unrepentant, I would never support any of them. Asking me which dangerous maniac is “the best” is like asking me which sewage stinks the least, after all. But even I can understand that there's a right way to do bad, and a wrong way to do bad. Scourge, Evil Sonic, whatever you wish to call him, falls squarely into the latter category.

How I'd love to shove an arrow up His Majesty's rear end.

First of all, his motivations were poorly structured, and that's putting it tactfully. Most of the time, we're led to assume that he does evil for no other reason than because it's evil, so we're already not looking at masterpiece material. But as it turns out, as I mentioned way earlier on, he grew resentful of his father for not giving him as much attention as he felt he deserved.

So when he killed his dear old dad, and went on to do everything else to bitterly stick it to his dad's memory, we're supposed to... sympathise...? Understand his point of view, perhaps...?

Well, I dare say I'll be sticking my nose up to THAT presumption, because there is no pathos to be had here. None at all. It's just a selfish brat becoming a violent and murderous selfish brat, and nothing more. By doing everything for evil's sake, intertwined with this sorry excuse of a tragic backstory, it's as if he's trying to have the best of both villainous worlds, without understanding what makes either of them work.

Secondly, for what little success that Scourge actually had to his name, few of them were by his own hand so to speak. As much as it pains me to give Dr. Eggman even a veneer of kudos, it does require mentioning that for all of the doctor's contemptible attributes, he truly is single-handedly responsible for a great majority of his own... achievements, if you wish to call them such. By contrast, this stinker rarely worked for his moments, instead often relying solely on others to get anything done efficiently, whether it be Fiona, Finitevus, his gangs, or the Anarchy Beryl. Without them, Scourge was always nothing.

Thirdly, as mentioned, he failed to fulfill even the basic concept of what Sonic would be like if he became evil, since he has virtually nothing in common with the hero he's trying so desperately to present himself as the corrupted counterpart to. While I'd obviously prefer not to entertain the mere notion of an evil Sonic anyways, since I know deep in my heart that he would never go down that path, I know him well enough to reasonably assume that even if he did lose his way, he would still be recognisable in some capacity, since there are countless aspects to his personality that remain so... inherent to how his mind operates.

I guess what I'm saying is that if an evil Sonic came to be, he would exist as a darker mirror of how Sonic actually is, and not... something that is not at all like Sonic beyond the physical.

What's the matter? Not used to a horse seeing you for what you really are?

Finally, remember when I said he was considerably more cowardly than Sonic? I wasn't simply referring to life or death battles and similar heat of the moment situations. Even when the scenario is of lower intensity, when the odds are completely in his favor at that, Scourge proves himself to be what Sonic isn't. Remember when he broke into the house of Sonic's father, with the intent to intimidate and kill said father... only to be scolded into submission by him? We're expected to believe this guy is a big baddie who ranks high in threat level, yet getting a telling off is sufficient enough to shoo him away?

If only Eggman was this easy to deal with...

Now granted, it's to my understanding that all of Scourge's failings are occasionally explained as him being a parody character. But, and correct me if I'm wrong here... aren't parodies supposed to be, you know, parodic, even if done subtly? As opposed to being played completely straight with no trace of irony, which is exactly how Scourge was portrayed throughout the entire duration of the comic's run, with no exceptions whatsoever?

Despite how often the comic insisted otherwise, and despite how often he received it, Scourge was not a villain who warranted importance. He was not a master planner, or a legendary conquerer, or a malevolent force of nature. He was bottom of the barrel, a wannabe at best, who thought he was made for bigger stripes, but remained little more than a walking pile of fresh manure, with nothing to show for it till the very end. His credibility was often alluded to, and handed to him, but never in any stretch was it properly earned. A punk who occasionally got lucky is hardly worth the rank of arch-fiend, in my humble opinion. He was a disgrace who simply had the luxury of wearing Sonic's skin to mask his shortcomings, and I can’t say I’m crestfallen to see him go.

And quite frankly, anyone who impersonates Sonic in the first place reeks to high heaven anyway. To think this trash heap thought he could ever compare in the slightest to my darling... Oh goodness, did I say that out loud?

Lutrudis Gives Scourge a: Thumbs Down!

[mamthew]

On Final Fantasy XIV and Asymmetrical Memory

I plan to spoil large chunks of Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn and its expansions in the following write-up. I will probably go most in-depth into the Heavensward expansion, but I expect to at least allude to plot details from other expansions in such a way that people who haven’t yet played them might work out what happens, so steer clear if you don’t want that to happen.

Every time I play a Final Fantasy game, I constantly think about what a remake/demake would look like. The cutoff for this is between IX and X – from X on, I parse out a potential demake in the style of VI or IX, while from IX earlier, I think about what a potential remake of the game could look like. I figure this cutoff is pretty indicative of what I most enjoy about Final Fantasy games. I really like the ATB battle systems of IV through IX, but I want the stories to be presented with voice acting and cinematic cutscenes (I was a little disappointed in the gameplay depicted in the XVI trailer for that reason, but that’s only sorta tangentially related).

I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in the potential for a demake as when playing FFXIV. The game is an MMORPG, and I do not like MMOs, so that’s definitely part of it. I kept thinking in the back of my mind that I would much rather be going through dungeons with the characters accompanying my character in the story, rather than the random fellow players rushing me through them. The developers, clearly, had heard this criticism before. As the game progresses into newer updates, more options become available to make the story feel more like a single-player experience, culminating in the ability to choose to explore dungeons with a party of NPCs and a story explanation for why randos appear around the protagonist for boss fights (neither of which apply retroactively, unfortunately).

Over the course of the game, then, I went from wishing I could play a game with this story in the style of VI or IX to wishing I could play this game, but developed from the beginning by the developers who made the Shadowbringers expansion with six years of experience under their belts. That’s not to say I don’t sometimes fantasize about the ways this story could be handled in a more traditional style, but with Shadowbringers, the game has essentially become a single-player game I am made to experience next to other players, which is much more bearable than a traditional MMO.

Like many games in the series, FFXIV is about memory, but it tackles this theme in a very different way from most. Rather than focusing on amnesia or memories fading, it looks instead at the conflicts that arise from asymmetric memories.

The second expansion, Heavensward, is about a holy war fought for centuries between dragons and humans (slash-elves). Over the course of the story, it is revealed that the main disagreement in this holy war arose from the differences in the lifespans between these two species. The humans have developed a religion explaining to them why dragons attack them every few decades, in which it is taught that their original king was murdered by the dragon Nidhogg, and one of his loyal knights took the dragon’s eye in revenge. The dragons, this religion teaches, are a scourge on the earth. It is heretical to consort with them in any way, and those who do often change into dragons themselves. Thus, from the humans’ perspective, not only are humans and dragons locked in a constant war, but the dragons are the aggressors for attacking every few years and for turning their own fellows against them.

Dragons, however, live for a much longer time than humans. Nidhogg is, in fact, still alive, as are several of his siblings, and his father. The dragons are at war with the humans because those many centuries past, the humans discovered that they could gain strength by killing and eating the dragons, and they did just that to Nidhogg’s sister. There is an asymmetry of memory to this conflict, meaning neither side is truly in the wrong. The humans, who only live for a hundred years or so, can only remember the dragons’ attacks to their cities. From their perspective, they are attacked by these monsters without reason. The dragons, however, still vividly remember the inciting incident of the conflict. The wound of the murder of Ratatoskr is still fresh, to them.

The game has an overarching conflict that’s framed in much the same way: neither party believes themselves to be at fault because the discrepancy in their respective lifespans has created an asymmetry of memory. Summons in the FFXIV universe take on different forms depending on what stories the summoner had heard about the god, meaning that the look and behavior of staples like Shiva and Ifrit can vary wildly depending on the memories of their worshippers. The game suggests, too, that the perfect empire would be one that can create and manipulate this asymmetry of memory, to have subjects who do not remember ever having not been subjects, but who the imperial structure still remembers are not sovereign citizens.

Difference in experience can allow for this asymmetry in memory, too. The protagonist has counterparts in parallel worlds, but each of these counterparts is, by any metric, their own person, with their own life and experiences. The protagonist’s power allows them to view others’ memories, which works well as an expository tool, but also maintains in the forefront of the player’s mind that everyone’s actions and ideologies are informed by their experiences and memories. Our diversity, the game reminds us, is literally a product of an asymmetry of memory.

This way of exploring memory is a pretty stark departure from the rest of the series; it’s much more subtle than the series’ usual focus on the acts of forgetting or chronicling experiences. This theme was absolutely informed by FFXIV’s status as an MMO; I can watch as hundreds of fellow players experience the same story events in radically different ways. Everyone’s protagonist is a different race with a different name, aesthetic, and class. They start in different towns, each of which has its own unique first thirty or so story quests. How we each experience dungeons and bosses is determined by our “role” - do we deal damage, or heal, or sponge damage from enemies? Our characters essentially do everything alone but with company, and we can stand and watch as others’ characters criss-cross fields, spawning enemies only they can attack, or standing in front of random NPCs, experiencing stories we ourselves are not seeing. Some players are “legacy players,” and the story is very different for them, as it is a continuation of a story us newcomers cannot access.

While this theme was made for the MMO medium, though, I think it is also well-suited to the Final Fantasy series as a whole. We all experience the series very differently. Some were introduced through Final Fantasy I on an NES in the ‘80s, others were introduced through VI, or X. Some were introduced through Kingdom Hearts, or Super Smash Bros, or a Dissidia arcade machine. We all picture a different character when we think of Cid, whether that’s the spandex-clad Cid from IV, the cantankerous astronaut from VII, or the cranky garage-owner from XV. When a Final Fantasy game references a previous game, we all might have different games we connect that reference back to, informed by our differing memories and past experiences.

I saw a complaint once that FFXIV fails to be its own game because it is too caught up in nostalgia. It would rather remind people of other games than stand as its own game. I disagree, especially when it comes to the stories of Heavensward on. I find it and Shadowbringers to have some of the better plots the series has ever done, with characters who earn their right to stand among the most iconic characters in the series.

I do think, however, that it is impossible to play a game in a long-running series without your experience being affected by your memories of other games in that series. Humans naturally have a tendency to seek out and find patterns, and we write connections and patterns into series, pretty much by definition. This is what I do when I imagine remakes and demakes while playing Final Fantasy games. I use my memories of other games to inform my understanding of the one I am playing. I find throughlines between vastly different games and cross the yawning void of divergence to imagine what it would be like if they weren’t so different after all.

[scumbag-the-hedgehog]

"Conquer this stupid little planet. Then we can rock the multiverse. Twin unstoppable kings."

An Independent, Selective Roleplay Blog for Scourge the Hedgehog from Archie Comics' Sonic the Hedgehog series. Canon-divergent after the "LOCK DOWN" arc in Sonic Universe #29-32. Ft. Fiona Fox, Doctor Finitevus, and the Destructix as Secondary Muses!

Duplicates welcomed! Please read the RULES before interacting!

ABOUT SCOURGE / ABOUT FIONA / ABOUT THE MUN / THE LORE

I follow #scumbagthehedgehog, #scumbag-the-hedgehog, and #scumbag the hedgehog

All blog and icon art from Archie Sonic (Tracy Yardley, Jon Gray, and Matt Herms), Scourge: Eternal Blackout (patar-fuifui), and tobyxtots

Promo Banner by @wintershub

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes from Robert McKee’s “Story” 14: Idea vs. Counter Idea, and Striking a Balance

(I highly recommend that you check out my previous post where I spoke about determining your Theme [referred to as “Controlling Idea” by McKee] and its values and causes, as that post’s content is necessary background information for this one.)

Idea Versus Counter-Idea

For the sake of this section, let’s pretend that we are writing a typical action/adventure story in which the Controlling Idea is “Good triumphs over Evil when the good person’s intentions are unselfish.” Here we have the values of “Good/Evil,” and the Counter-Idea of “Bad triumphs over Evil when the bad person is willing to resort to any means to win.” Basically, pretty much any recent Marvel film haha. 

“A story progresses by moving dynamically between the positive and negative charges of the values at stake in the story. 

Sequence by sequence, often scene by scene, the positive Idea and its negative Counter-Idea argue back and forth, creative a dramatized dialectal debate. At climax one of these two voices wins and becomes the story’s Controlling Idea.

This rhythm of Idea versus Counter-Idea is fundamental and essential to our art. It pulses at the heart of all fine stories, no matter how internalized the action. What’s more, this simple dynamic can become very complex, subtle, and ironic.”

I think the first Iron Man movie really illustrates this well. Tony Stark starts out as a selfish weapons maker who by the end of the film has become willing to sacrifice his own life for the safety of others, and the film has scenes of the Baddie Obadiah progressively making more ruthless, evil decisions in order to defeat Tony and obtain the arc reactor. 

Of course, because this is a super hero movie, the audience goes in with the assumption that the hero with triumph. This is one of the genre rules, after all. However, each time Obadiah grows stronger and Tony is further challenged, the audience is left to wonder which idea will win out in the end. 

The Importance of Balance

Let’s say that you have a very, very important message to instill in your readers. McKee uses the example, “War is a scourge, but it can be cured by pacifism.” 

No matter how strongly you believe in something, you must make the effort to build the power of both sides of your argument. 

“As a story develops, you must willingly entertain opposite, even repugnant ideas. The finest writers have dialectical, flexible minds that easily shift points of view. They see the positive, the negative, and all shades of irony, seeking the truth of these views honestly and convincingly. This omniscience forces them to become even more creative, more imaginative, and more insightful. Ultimately, they express what they deeply believe, but not until they have allowed themselves to weigh each living issue and experience all its possibilities. 

Make no mistake, no one can achieve excellence as a writer without being something of a philosopher and holding strong convictions. The trick is not to be a slave to your ideas, but to immerse yourself in life. For the proof of your vision is not how well you can assert your Controlling Idea, but its victory over the enormously powerful forces that you array it against.”

I think that a lot of “hero vs. bad guy” stories fall flat because they fail to develop the counter-idea of “evil triumphs when it is smarter/more powerful/more determined than good.” I am certain you can think of at least three works where the bad guy was just...a bad guy intent on doing on bad things. There is also poor character development of the antagonist at work here, but because the audience isn’t shown enough of the counter-idea, we are left looking at our watches and waiting to see when the good guy saves the day, because we can foresee no other outcome. 

“A great work is a living metaphor that says, “Life is like this.” The classics, down through the ages, give us not solutions but lucidity, not answers but poetic candor; they make inescapably clear the problems all generations must solve to be human.”

The Three Categories of Story: Idealist, Pessimist, Ironist

McKee divides all stories into three categories based upon the emotional charge of their Controlling Idea.

Sorry for the poor-quality picture. I’m just too lazy to recreate this graphic. From top to bottom we see the change in charges of the controlling idea from start to finish, for Idealistic, pessimistic, and ironic controlling ideas, from top to bottom. 

Idealistic Controlling Ideas “’Up-ending’ stories expressing the optimism, hopes, and dreams of mankind, a positively charged vision of the human spirit; life as we wish it to be.”

Pessimistic Controlling Ideas “’Down-ending’ stories expressing our cynicism, our sense of loss and misfortune, a negatively charged vision of civilization’s decline, of humanity’s dark dimensions; life as we dread it to  be but know it so often is.”

Ironic Controlling Ideas “‘Up/down-ending’ stories expressing our sense of the complex, dual nature of existence, a simultaneously charged positive and negative vision; life at its most complete and realistic.

On Irony

Ironic Controlling Ideas can be either positive or negative. 

Positive Irony The compulsive pursuit of contemporary values--success, fortune, fame, sex, power--will destroy you, but if you see this truth in time  and throw away your obsession, you can redeem yourself.

Negative Irony If you cling to your obsession, your ruthless pursuit will achieve your desire, then destroy you.

This is one of my favorite sections in the book, so I’m going to liberally quote McKee here.

“The effect of irony on an audience is that wonderful reaction, ‘Ah, life is just like that.’ We recognize that idealism and pessimism are at the extremes of experience, that life is rarely all sunshine and strawberries, nor is it all doom and drek; it is both. From the worst of experiences something positive can be gained; for the richest of experiences a great price must be paid. No matter how we try to plot a straight passage through life, we sail on the tides of irony. Reality is relentlessly ironic, and this is why stories that end in irony tend to last the longest through time, travel the widest in the world, and draw the greatest love and respect from audiences. 

This is also why, of the three possible emotional charges at climax, irony is by far the most difficult to write. It demands the deepest wisdom and the highest craft for three reasons.

First, it’s tough enough to come up with either a bright, idealistic ending or a sober, pessimistic climax that’s satisfying and convincing. But an ironic climax is a single action that makes both a positive and a negative statement. How to do two in one?

Second, how to say both clearly? Irony doesn’t mean ambiguity. Ambiguity is a blur; one thing cannot be distinguished from another. But there’s nothing ambiguous about irony; it’s a clear, double declaration of what’s gained and what’s lost, side by side. Nor does irony mean coincidence. A true irony is honestly motivated. Stories that end by random chance, doubly charged or not, are meaningless, not ironic. 

Third, if at climax the life situation of the protagonist is both positive and negative, how to express it so that the two charges remain separated in the audience’s experience and don’t cancel each other out, and you end up saying nothing?”

McKee makes it clear that Irony is god-tier writing. Notice that he does not provide answers to the questions he raises. If you want to learn more about Ironic films done well, here are the films that he mentions in this section: 

KRAMER VS. KRAMER, THE WAR OF THE ROSES, ANNIE HALL, MANHATTAN, ADDICTED TO LOVE, THE PAPER CHASE, THE DEER HUNTER, AN UNMARRIED WOMAN, AND JUSTICE FOR ALL, TERMS OF ENDEARMENT, THE ELECTRIC HORSEMAN, GOING IN STYLE, QUIZ SHOW, BULLETS OVER BROADWAY, THE FISHER KING, GRAND CANYON, RAIN MAN, HANNAH AND HER SISTERS, AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN, TOOTSIE, REGARDING HENRY, ORDINARY PEOPLE, CLEAN AND SOBER, NORTH DALLAS FORTY, OUT OF AFRICA, BABY BOOM, THE DOCTOR, SCHINDLER’S LIST, JERRY MAGUIRE.

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

[gwiiyeoweo]

Gladio and Prompto walk past just in time to hear Noctis mention the trauma of ten years ago. Except, it turns out he’s talking about a different kind of ring entirely, and they wish they could scrub their ears clean of what they just heard because, uh, yeah TMI much.

Situational: Ignis and Noctis talk about Ignis putting on the ring Pairing: Ignis/Noctis, Prompto/Gladio (brief) Rating: T @ignoctweek​

During the ten years of darkness, they learned a lot of and from each other. 

Gladio, having spent nearly all his life learning the in's and out's of wilderness survival, still found himself challenged with the new dangers the constant night brought. He had to figure out new tactics, find ground that was decently safe since the havens no longer held their protective magic, learn to sleep with one eye open when he was forced to keep outside when he ventured too far from civilization and proper shelter. 

Prompto forced himself to tuck away his camera in favor of not getting mauled by some daemon or Scourge-infected beast, no matter how perfect the snapshot would have looked. Sometimes, not even the most well-timed joke or gentlest smile could soften the blows of grief and desolation, and he had to let people ride out their own waves of sorrow. 

They also learned just how Ignis had almost lost his life. Between horror and understanding, all they could do was bow their heads and take it as it was. A valiant effort made in the past, to keep their future king safe and alive. Neither could blame Ignis, especially knowing that any of them would have done much the same, if not something more drastic. 

It was done out of love and loyalty, but dead kings didn't care for heart-rending stories. Gladio and Prompto couldn't fathom the idea of standing before the great phantoms, feeling their burning gaze cut deep into their very souls, to have them cut through their chests and gauge their hearts for whatever criteria of arbitrary "worthiness" the old beings held. Gladio never considered himself a coward; he's stared at death reflected in daemons and beasts, but something about having his soul dissected and laid bare before ancient kings did not strike any fancies. Prompto, well, was understandably not on board with the whole thing to begin with. 

And the pain? Wretched, horrid, unimaginable. They could see only a glimpse of what he must have endured — despite his guard, there was the tell of his set jaw and the crawl of his hand toward his scarred finger — but they knew to not press. When they had first found him, crumpled to the ground and barely clinging to life, they almost feared to breathe as Noctis begged the Crystal to return what had been almost stolen.

It was a sight no one wanted to remember ever again. 

"Ignis, did it uh… Hurt? Putting the ring on."

So when Gladio and Prompto cross the hall and hear Noctis' question through the crack of Ignis' office door, they thought better of their king. 

Noctis, of all people, should be most understanding of Ignis' trauma, having watched the Ring drain the life of his father throughout his childhood and after the fall, feel its terrifying draw on his own life. 

Gladio remembers racking his brain of all the first aid and emergency lessons he's been ingrained with, trying in vain to find a solution to the ashen skin and burning veins that crawled up his King's arm and neck. Prompto deleted every photo he managed to snap of Noctis using the Ring, feeling what little remained in his stomach threatening to climb up his throat. During the ten years, they managed to cull the daemon numbers around Insomnia but the city was still a nest itself; upon Noctis' return, they tried to pick off as many as they could before the Ring had to be used, and it was still used too many times in their opinions. 

“I was nervous the first time I’ll admit,” they hear Ignis say, “but by the second try, I rather enjoyed the pressure.”

Gladio and Prompto jerk their heads to stare at each other in disbelief. There was a second try? What in the gods’ name happened that warranted Ignis wearing the Ring again? The first attempt should have never happened; it was a miracle the man survived the power of Kings, and he was bedridden for days even after the Crystal healed him of most of the injuries. And he enjoyed it? What.

Prompto reaches for Gladio’s arm before either of them can barge in there and demand an explanation, but Gladio is too quick (despite his massive bulk) and shoves the office door wide open. 

“Oh, okay. It’s just, I just thought it might be interesting to try too so — “

Noctis cuts himself off the second Gladio stomps inside, Prompto quickly following after and having the mind to close the door behind them. 

“Gladio? Prompto? Is something wrong?” Ignis rises from his seat, slightly alarmed at the urgency the two carry themselves with. 

“Damn straight something’s wrong.” Gladio barely keeps his hands from slamming against the desk, and he leans over to see almost nose-to-nose with Ignis. “What’s this about wearing the Ring again? You know what happened the last time! We all do, Iggy, so why in the hell would you even — “

“Holy shit.” Noctis flies both his hands to his face and groans.  

Ignis' eyebrows almost meet his hairline. 

“Uh, yeah? Holy shit is kinda right, buddy. Seriously, Ignis, how come you two didn’t tell us?” It's Prompto's turn now, and though he doesn't share Gladio's tactic of getting up close and personal, his disapproving frown and crossed arms are just as potent. 

“It’s a, ah, rather… private matter between Noct and I." Ignis slowly lowers himself back into his seat, pulling at his collar that seems just a tad too tight all of a sudden. "Really, you two, it isn't what you think it is."

“Dude. We know you’re a pair but we’re your best buds too! You can’t keep these sort of secrets from us.”

Noctis hunches over in his lap and whines like a dying dog, and he still hasn’t bothered to look them in the eyes. 

Gladio notices and turns his eyes to Noctis, seeing that his loyal advisor refused to peep a word. “Hey, Majesty. Wanna explain?” he says in an impatient tone, narrowing his eyes. Noctis may not see, but he's sure his King can feel his scathing look. 

“Gladiolus Amicitia,” Ignis nearly hisses, resorting to full names now. "I promise you it is not a topic for your ears —" 

"Iggy! C'mon, don't keep something like this from us." 

"Prompto's right. All these years together, the daemons, the battles. We have each other's backs, and we always will. You can tell us —"

“For fuck’s sake, it’s a cock ring!” Noctis yells, ripping his hands from his face, red as a ripe tomato. But just as quickly as he raised his head to finally give them the answer they so demanded, he ducks his face again into his hands. 

A deafening silence follows, and the air suddenly becomes too warm. Ignis breaks the pregnant pause with a sigh and an irritated tap of his pen. 

“Ohhh-kay then.” Prompto laughs nervously, already taking a few steps backward toward the door. "Yeah, that's uh. That's a ring alright."

Gladio takes a few extra beats to comprehend exactly what just transpired. He blinks, opens his mouth to speak, then closes it before any words come out. He ends up making a sour face as if he took a nice bite out of a rotten fruit; he almost wishes he had one just to chuck it at Noctis because why the hell are they talking about their sex life? 

"For your information, this is my private office, and you two happened to barge in here by your own volition."

Gladio doesn't realize his thought must have slipped out, as Ignis answers him anyway. Before his big mouth starts blabbering on without his consent, he mutters an apology and turns on his heel to leave. Sure, he's an adult, he's no blushing maiden. But hearing about his King's kinks and sex life? Yeah, that was just weird. It's like learning about his brother's sex life, and considering Noctis is practically one, kinda gross. Super TMI. 

He and Prompto walk down the corridor in silence, each digesting what they had heard in Ignis' office and wondering about the unfortunate circumstances that led to the misunderstanding. Perhaps, in a couple of weeks, they'll look back on it with good humor and maybe some whiskey; but for now, they'd rather just have the whiskey to forget about the whole thing. 

"Hey, Gladio, you think we should buy one too?" 

Ah, fuck it. 

"Sure."

[nyardynn]

Plotholes of FF15; the ultimate edition

It’s come to my attention that with the plot being as wonky and contradictory, many (including me) find it hard to decide what’s a plothole and what’s simply a part left vague by the game. I’ve made a list of all the plotholes I could think about so far which is..uh.. quite the long read. I’ve wanted to have it though while waiting for the new DLCs.

1. Ravus is made responsible for the Niflheim army’s huge defeat in Altissia and sentenced to death, however we can see him well and free walking into the Emperor’s throne room in Zegnautus Keep. Since at this time almost the entirety of Niflheim has fallen victim to the starscourge it’s possible he escaped somehow and came to finish the Emperor off, but the game explains nothing.

2. The starscourge seems to be an illness progressing either very fast or very slowly, possibly at a pace chosen by Ardyn himself if he so wills it. Emperor Aldercapt is mentioned to have infected himself with the scourge shortly after Ardyn’s appearance at his court which was 30 years before he transformed, meanwhile Ravus turned into a demon mere minutes, maybe an hour after infection. Again the game explains nothing

3. Ifrit got infected with the starscourge by a mysterious man who is given no name but who can only be Ardyn. If Ardyn apparently can kill and infect gods, why did he not infect any of the others so they would abandon Noctis and fight for his cause instead? We know the Empire has killed many gods including Shiva whose dead body still lies where its fallen on Niflheim grounds.

4. The gods die but they also don’t. Both Shiva and Titan are canonly dead and you can see Shiva’s dead body, however both are also alive spiritually (?) aiding you in battle.

5.  Ardyn is the only creature who didn't die from the starscourge, it just made him a godlike being instead. Why?

6. Bahamut delivered the prophecy to mankind telling of a king of kings to be chosen to save the world, a thing the gods want to happen because they have sworn to protect mankind - still every single one of them except Shiva and the Fulgurian try to kill Noctis. That means despite Bahamut revealing to Regis that his son is the chosen one when he was only a toddler, apparently noone else believes it and everyone doubts his ‘chosen-ness’. Get your shit together, gods.

7. Ardyn was known and worshipped as an extraordinarily selfless man who healed millions of the starscourge, however that led to him infecting himself eventually which caused the events of FF15 and the world being plunged into eternal darkness. Lunafreya has also been given the power to heal the starscourge - by Bahamut, if you believe the cosmogony which states he descended to Eos to handpick a maiden to be the first oracle. Are we to assume Ardyn was a prototype gone wrong who then was cast aside in favour of a new healer type? Or does Luna maybe infect herself slowly? Which leads us to the next point...

8. Lunafreya is sick. A cutscene taking place in Altissia has her weak and pleading to Ravus to take the ring and give it to Noctis, because she fears she will not be able to any longer, because her body is already failing her. We are however never told what this weakness is and it is literally never shown except in this scene. Is it the ‘prize of the covenant’ Ardyn mentions to know well, also in Altissia? Does doing her oracle duty sap her of life (sounds ineffective)? Or is that prize the starscourge? Or is the ring somehow killing her like the ring of Sauron??

9. For Bahamut to give the oracle her powers to heal the scourge, obviously he himself must be able to heal the scourge, however he never does.... was making Ardyn wait for 2000 years until Noctis could sacrifice his sad life for him a sick form of entertainment? Or can he just not heal Ardyn somehow? Whatever it is, Bahamut heals noone ever, not so sworn to protect humankind after all, I guess. See number 7.

10. Ardyn is often referred to as a chosen king, however we are explicitely told he was forbidden to ascend. Many believe this means the crystal never chose him and that seems to be what happened regarding his grudge against the crystal especially. What relativizes this again though is the cosmogony itself: “There once was a man born a mortal but blessed with powers divine. Conjuring a collection of glaives he dispelled the darkness plaguing our star. As a reward for his efforts the gods granted him a holy stone” - The Crystal, which he was to guard at all cost. Cleansing the world of the scourge in his time is a thing Somnus The Mystic is known for. That means the Crystal was given to mankind AFTER Ardyn became ‘the lost son’. Except the cosmogony was rewritten to exclude Ardyn which means the cosmogony is not a reliable source of history and lore at all. Seems like it, because being written out of history (again) is a thing Ardyn is concerned over when he dies. However what seems to be another fact making all of this more confusing is that according to Ardyn Somnus, if he got the crystal or not, himself was not chosen by the time he had Ardyn executed. Possibly he never was. Possibly noone ever was except Noctis who seems to be Ardyn’s successor in all ways possible. In their last fight Ardyn refers to Noctis as the chosen king, but ‘a second rate chosen at best’ seemingly referring to himself who was definitely sheduled to be chosen 2000 years ago. Maybe all of this is intentionally confusing and contradictory, but due to the missing pieces it is literally impossible to figure out the truth so it remains a plothole: was Ardyn meant to be the king of kings? Was he supposed to be ‘just’ the first king? Was Ardyn given the crystal or was Somnus? We will never know until maybe Episode Ardyn hopefully.

11. Ascended Noctis is - apparently - immortal. Ardyn who is pretty much the only character at this point who we can assume to know his shit explains his motives to Noctis as he is being pulled into the crystal the following way: “Killing you as a mortal will bring me scant satisfaction.” Evidently the King of Kings is immortal, at least in a way that he can not die a natural death.

12. If Ardyn was a prototype of the King of Kings who failed maybe the starscourge did not kill him because he was always meant to be immortal? Ardyn really is the gods’ fault, isn’t he? Pure food for thought though. You can fill a book with Ardyn theories due to the massively wonky plot of FF15.

12. Ascended Noctis is maybe not only immortal, but definitely more powerful than the gods. The gods can’t kill Ardyn. They can’t restore light. Bahamut actually explains to Noctis inside the crystal that his ascension will elevate him above the gods. We are never told why Noctis has to die to fulfill the prophecy though and if you accept Episode Ignis as being a valid alternate universe, a what-if path where all mechanics of Eos are still in effect, then very clearly Noctis never really had to die, it is just what Bahamut tells him. Maybe the ‘blood prize’ that needs to be paid is really only the gods’ hubris of not wanting another deity that is stronger than them ruling their little SIMS world of a kingdom. Like the blood prize Nyx pays for using the ring. Bunch a’assholes. See number 9.

13. Now on to Prompto. Dear god, Prompto is a gold mine. Prompto says in Zegnautus Keep that he always knew his barcode was the sign of an MT and that he is really from Niflheim, but it’s not something he could just tell his Lucian friends. So Prompto apparently knew MTs are somehow made from humans, however in his own Episode he seems shocked by the reveal.

14. However did Prompto know anyway if he was rescued as a baby? Did his step parents know and tell him later? Who the fuck are his step parents and why does this not have any role at all in the game?? If his step parents knew, who else fucking knows about MTs? Did Regis know? Deemed a plothole because if Regis did not know then his wall is apparently not as safe as he thinks for Niflheim people to sneak in and raise an MT there and if he DID know then he really oughta have known he was sending an MT with Noct who could betray him at any time which was actually supposed to happen in early scripts.

15. MTs start out as babies, however all of the Prompto clones we see in Episode Prompto are adults, which means they either give them about 20 years to grow into a demon core which is unlikely since they’ve had MTs for a long time and in huge numbers or the clones just grow super fast. Prompto however doesn’t age super fast. Something here is either lazy coding or very, very fucky.

16. What actually is an MT? Clearly MTs are mainly made from metal and not at all a human or demon in a suit though it is still a common misconception in parts of the fandom. They don’t bleed when they die, instead they give off electric sparks and show dozens of broken wires next to miasma. Their bodies are decidedly human looking, they can be programmed which is an integral part of their function lest they become violent and uncontrollable and they also move decidedly robotic. Our best guess at this point is that the demon core is the essence of a demon condensed into a ‘battery’ that is shielded from light by its purely robotic body. According to the files you find on MTs the reason human clones are chosen for the process is that they do not suffer a loss of ego and do not go insane which normal humans did when they used regular citizens. I assume that means the clones do not have a sense of self since they never were self-aware to begin with. They became conscious already being MTs. And then we have Episode Prompto where apparently an MT fears death which clearly indicates an ego. Or maybe that was Prom’s imagination, after all he also fantasized his childhood self…

17. Ardyn seems to know a lot about Solheim technology to be able to give Niflheim the ability to create advanced robotic soldiers or the tech to develop airships… quite a savvy chosen king for a time in which any and all Solheim technology was shunned by the gods as heretical. Either Ardyn never was such a holy messiah or very, very much of that Solheim tech was still present in everyday life in Ardyn’s time… provided the gods were cool with their king meant to lead people back to faith using any of it. Since, you know, the gods hated Solheim. That’s why they made Lucis.

18. The Ring according to the cosmogony is the sign for someone fit to rule, however also according to the cosmogony the ring can be weilded by everyone who’s worthy, not only the king. We see this confirmed in Nyx and Ignis. That strongly indicates not everyone in the long line of the Lucis Caelum was worthy either and in fact there are only a very short number of kings resting inside the ring including Regis who very obviously wore and used it. It seems to me we are led to believe putting on the ring is always a risk even for a Lucis Caelum; they might be burned and killed just like everybody else. That appears to fit the obvious fear in Noctis to put on the ring which he then only does because Ardyn took all his other weapons. The kings inside the ring don’t seem to see things the way the cosmogony does in any way condescending Nyx for being ‘not even a king’ - so what is it really? 

I’ll stop here though I’m sure I could think of more if I tried. The truth is, FF15 could have done with some more proper development time to clear out many of these issues. I’d love to hear more of these if anyone has some more!

[teaandinanity]

5, 8 and 25 for SWtor... whoever you ship from that. Do you ship your oc with anyone?

EEE thank you! And yeah, the game has romances in the story arcs and also a character who is not a romance who I nonetheless find Very Intriguing, so there’s a lot of shipping going on. :D Answering for the two characters I have reasonably fleshed out and putting everything under the cut because of my chronic allergy to being concise.

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

Iona and Vector: Toss up, probably neither. From a logistical standpoint, Vector would have an easier time of it, but I feel like this mostly depends on who has gotten most badly injured when Iona’s statistically improbable bad luck kicks in. Romantically, I can’t picture it either way; neither of them seems like they’d be super-grabby, and Iona has very finely honed self-protective instincts and surprising her - by, say, trying to sweep her off her feet - might very well end in needing to visit the med bay, because she keeps A Lot of weaponry on her person as a very pointy security blanket and she would react to an unexpected grab like a startled and displeased wolverine.

Asha and Scourge: Scourge. Between being the meathead jock variety of Jedi and also having Force powers, Asha definitely COULD pick Scourge up, but I do not see him allowing that unless he had been somehow rendered unconscious beforehand. Which would take a lot of doing. Asha… okay, she also is unlikely to allow someone to carry her short of situations where she’s not with it enough to protest, but on account of her tendency to yell ‘FIGHT ME!’ at whatever is menacing her friends, acquaintances, or total strangers (whether the threat be monsters, armies, evil space wizards, or immortal god-kings), she’s probably statistically more likely to end up KO’d even though she’s very good with a lightsaber. And Scourge will continue to want her alive until they manage to eradicate the aforementioned immortal god-king, so he's more likely to do the carrying.

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Iona and Vector: None, really. Iona has not used her real name since she was fourteen. Vector usually calls her ‘Agent’ and is wildly less bothered by this than probably anyone else she’s ever known because he’s aware that in NOT telling him a lie, she is in fact bestowing a fairly substantial mark of trust and offering as much honesty as is really prudent in her line of work. I think she probably does give Vector her nickname - Iona - once they’ve been married for a year, as an anniversary present, after making extra-sure those two syllables aren’t enough to for anyone to connect her to her family.

Asha and Scourge: Asha. Because ‘Tash’saarai’ is a ridiculous mouthful, Asha has a number of nicknames, of which ‘Asha’ is the one she likes best and is most likely to answer to. It also actually means something in the cultural language she has reached like, ‘took-a-year-in-college’ proficiency in and which Scourge probably speaks fluently. I love the idea of him waiting 300 years for the Jedi from his vision to show up as the sign that it’s finally time to move against the Emperor and the first thing he hears anyone call her is ‘Asha,’ ‘Victory.’ He definitely calls her that, and it probably takes a solid month for him to explain why he always seems to be smirking about it.

25. Who needs more assurance?

Iona and Vector: Iona. She tends to mirror her company, which is useful for infiltration and information-gathering but means her internal sense of self is a MESS. Her initial fondness for Vector arose in large part from the fact that she could look at him and go, ‘this is a good person. If I do things he approves of, I will be A Convincing Imitation Of A Good Person, which is the best I can hope for.’ She’s… still pretty much convinced the person he’s in love with doesn’t exist, but she likes being that person, she wants to be that person. She needs hugs and therapy and a LOT of assurance, basically.

Asha and Scourge: Neither. Asha is still in the ‘making confused moon eyes’ phase at the point I’m at in the game (and I’m almost to the level cap with her), so she doesn’t need assurance because she doesn’t know what’s going on. (She’s dumb and demi, she’s never had a crush before, she was too young for her grandma to have explained very thoroughly how sex and relationships worked before she left home and the Order definitely only gave her enough of a Talk to make everything seem even more confusing, shameful, and scary.) Scourge has almost certainly not experienced the need for assurance in a couple centuries.

[mooncaps]

Okay, so shout-outs to the anon (or maybe multiple anons) who told me to read Marcy’s Super Secret Scrapbook. I freaking loved it! I’m also glad I read it at this point and didn’t wait until after the whole series. It makes such a good companion piece to the Stakes mini-series.

The Enchiridion was...not quite as exciting, but still had a couple of neat tidbits. Simon’s notes are nice. The Wizard section was fairly interesting. Some nice lore and world-building. I kind of wish the Bestiarum Vocabulum section had a bit more to it. And I must admit I was slightly disappointed that the Enchiridion did not, in fact, explicitly state that you should not strike a foe who’s raised their bottom to the sky. The Scrapbook is so in line with the mini-series; it would’ve been nice if the Enchiridion could’ve incorporated that as a little nod. They cover their bases with the explanation that there are multiple editions and even strongly imply that Finn’s was an earlier edition, but it still would’ve been neat.

A far more glaring omission is the Empress. Hierophant and the Vampire King are both mentioned in the Scrapbook, but the Empress isn’t. She knew both Marceline and Simon. Marcy had her power of invisibility so she must have staked and absorbed her at some point. My best guess is that the Empress enthralled Simon at a point when Simon was still writing the notes and it was on one of the pages he pulled out before he left. Or maybe Marceline just didn’t write it down for some reason. Or the writers just dropped the ball and didn’t catch this little continuity hiccup.

Those are my general thoughts. I’m also doing the whole images of my some of my favorite stuff interspersed with my reactions and commentary thing, but since this is gonna be an extra-extra long post, I’ve decided to actually use a read more cut this time.

Marcy and Bonnie talking about Simon in the margins. Give me some of that in the show.

This is the kind of lore development I like to learn about.

Does that mean the writers have thoughts about more Shoko development in future episodes and didn’t want to burn up their ideas in the side material?

International crisis. I mean that was more-or-less implied by the irradiated world, but I like learning more info. Also, he’s already talking about going North. It fits that they paired this with the Scrapbook. The notes follow through for tracking Simon’s progression into madness.

Sure. Again, kind of vaguely implied already by the series, but nice to know.

Now all I can think of is “long ago the four nations lived together in harmony...” Thanks to whoever sent that ask.

I may wanna get these on buttons or patches for my coat to go with the Avatar symbols.

Not sure what to make of this. I feel like it’s some kind of lore for the show. Maybe something to do with Prismo?

Hoo boy. Here we go. The feels train is pulling into the station.

This relationship is just so moving. I’m a sucker for found families.

More world building. Bring it on.

Even if Simon’s story hadn’t been tied to Marcy’s, it would still be one of the most interesting parts of the show. And that first paragraph feels like something that should’ve come up in the show by now. They really haven’t explained quite enough about Betty for my liking. Learning that she has a history of studying these kinds of things helps clarify why she’s so willing and able to take the approach she’s been taking.

After Bonnie and Neddy, I can only assume that this is the Mother Gum in its early days.

Mmhm. Sure. Matter’s more pliable. I can dig it.

The vibrational talk reminded of that bag of miniature people that Magic Man planted on Finn that one time. And he had to shake them to speak to them on their vibrational plane or whatever. I wonder if that’s ever gonna come back with some kind of added significance.

Reminds me of when Life kissed Death.

Wonder if that was a deliberate nod or not.

This. Relationship.

Again, I’m glad I read this now. The thing I couldn’t quite puzzle out after Stakes was where Hunson Abadeer fit into things. This is filling in some of the blanks quite nicely.

You know, after seven seasons of Grob Gob Glob Grod, it was a little jarring to actually see the word “God” here. I’ve got a pretty good recall for character voices, so I could basically hear Tom Kenny saying it as I read it. Of course it makes sense that Simon would have God in his vernacular. Somehow, after the phrase being conspicuously absent for so long, it seems to punch up the impact.

She celebrates her birthday around the time Simon found her! This precious child!

Oh, I can hear it in her voice. My heart!

“I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. Ever.”

There’s no mention of her encountering him again in the scrapbook. I’ve already mentioned the Empress, conspicuous in her absence. And she alludes to other meet-ups in the episode “I Remember You.” I can only assume those meetings take place after the last page of the scrapbook.

I’d love to know more though. I’d love to see her first discovering that Simon’s still alive, but completely insane now. And I’d love to know how we get from this:

To this:

There’s so much of the story that’s still untold.

That moment in Bad Little Boy where Ice King was like “Gob, I’m sorry I doubted your power” kind of takes on a new dimension when you think about how Simon’s from a different time.

“I hope these bring you comfort now that I’m gone, and remind you that you are loved.”

Just fuck me up, why don’t you?

“I want to feel her holding me in her arms and hugging me again like that.”

JUST FUCK ME UP, WHY DON’T YOU?

Again, this ties in so well with the Stakes mini-series. This was exactly the right time to read this for maximum emotional resonance.

Oh, Marcy, you poor, sweet, confused, little angel.

Well, I wanted to know where Hunson fit into things. Should’ve known it would be bad times.

Yeah, I can kind of relate to not having a great father but still wondering how much of who you are is from him.

Deep. Especially at her age. Simon did say she was smart. And of course she had to grow up fast, given that world was a wreck.

“He didn’t deserve what happened to him.”

I concur.

I can also kind of relate to giving your not-so-great dad another chance and getting burned again. I suppose it’s not really a shock that I gravitate toward characters who have poor relationships with their fathers.

I never really gave any thought to how difficult it would’ve been to even find fries at that time. And the fact that it was the first time he stole something specifically from her also gives it a little more weight. Like I’ve said before, it’s hard to tell when something’s just a throwaway gag and when something’s gonna come back later with added perspective and significance. I have to wonder how much they thought about in advance and how much is just them looking back and saying “we can expand on that.”

There must be at least some of it that they knew they wanted to develop even from the very early stages.

It’s interesting to figure out where Hunson comes into the picture, but I still don’t fully understand all of it. Primarily: How could a human woman see enough merit in Hunson Abadeer that she would want to sleep with him? What stopped him from immediately sucking out her soul? Why was he even on Earth shortly before or during the Great Mushroom War? There’s still a lot of room to grow on here.

Oh, honey, you’re the most interesting person in this universe.

“I still hope for a living friend.”

I was kind of hoping I might get the story of how she met Bonnibel, but I guess they’re saving that for the show. Must be after the events in the scrapbook.

Gimme all the lore. And Marcy wandering through an abandoned sunken mall full of skeletons shouting for Simon is an absolutely heartbreaking thought.

This angel child deserves nothing but happiness.

THIS. RELATIONSHIP.

She found a puppy! Ahhh! They’re so precious!

Yas, Queen!

This poor girl can just never catch a break.

This backstory is fantastic.

RIP, my dude.

Rise, Marcy the Vampire Slayer.

Let’s go!

Oh no, what’s wrong with Schwabl?

Marcy defending the last of the life on Earth against the scourge of the vampires. I’d seriously watch a whole series of this.

“Staking vampires, protecting the last remaining humans. It felt like I was protecting you. It was the only thing that brought me happiness during those years.”

Fascinating.

It’s rough watching a character who’s so good go through so much pain.

No, not the puppy!

Save the puppy!

Also, that time she almost went feral on Jake was probably really terrible for her because it would have stirred up these memories.

Another good reason to pair the Enchiridion - and particularly Simon’s notes - with this. Who would’ve thought that Marcy owned it for a time?

Thank goodness something turned out okay in all of this.

Wild. So is this Simon and the Crown, or some other force causing it? Does it affect the whole planet, or just the continent Marcy’s on? What about all the humans who were leaving on the boat? Can they survive an ice age? Is it a full “400 really boring years” like in Finn’s wish world? Longer? Shorter? This side material raises at least as many questions as it answers.

So Simon found the Enchiridion and took notes on it for a while before finally sending it to a museum in Scandinavia just was the international crisis that would become known as the Great Mushroom War was ramping up. Then some wizards found it. Then Marcy found the wizards and took it from them. Now the Enchiridion is with Marcy in hibernation. Then somehow it ends up with a minotaur later and Bubblegum is the one who tells Finn where to get it. There’s another chapter in between there and I feel like it involves both Marceline and Bubblegum. Marcy’s life after the ice age could probably fill another book or two.

Precious angel child.

Oh snap, it’s actually written by the people who play Marceline and Hunson.

That was a trip and a half to read. I love the backstory and world building so much. Even in the early episodes I suspected that there must be some kind of substance to this universe for the show to go on for as long as it did. Based on the early stuff though I had lowered my expectations and never imagined that this universe would gain so much depth, complexity, and (above all else) tragedy.

Marceline seems so carefree, but she’s been through SO. MUCH. Most of it while she was still a small child. The people of Ooo are absolutely blessed to have someone like Marceline in their world. And they’re also quite fortunate that her trauma didn’t push her to the full-on dark side. Even after a thousand years of so much confusion and loss, however chaotic she may get, she still has such a good heart.

And wow does reading this ever reinforce my desire for them to figure out a way to save Simon. “He didn’t deserve what happened to him” is so right. Although if it hadn’t happened to him, he never would’ve been able to protect Marcy. He probably would’ve died in the Great Mushroom War like almost everyone else, and Betty would’ve died too. Maybe you could chalk it up to Marcy’s mother’s last prayer being answered or the universe working in mysterious ways or possibly even retrocausality that Simon was able to survive and care for Marcy. Even so, I’m about four seasons beyond ready for the heroes and protagonists to help this poor old man get back the sanity that was stolen from him.

I feel like Finn’s the key somehow. The Crown seems to be possessed by a ghost or spirit. Gunther’s unfinished ghostly business was Evergreen and Evergreen’s unfinished ghostly business was the Catalyst Comet and Finn’s the reincarnation of the Catalyst Comet and all of that’s tied up with the Ice Crown. It seems like there’s some kind of puzzle taking shape there. Betty’s studying psychometric energy, magic, and Glob’s freaking helmet...Glob who was last seen facing off against, once again, the Catalyst Comet.

And just from the Doylist perspective, the writers have been spinning out this tragic tale of Simon Petrikov for a long time and it would be emotionally unsatisfying if they never save this poor man’s mind. I’m worried they might make me wait until the end of the show to fully resolve it though. I was worried for a while that getting his mind back would kill him, but after the events of the episode “Betty” I don’t expect them to take that route.

Simon and Marcy are such tragic characters and I feel for them both. I love learning more about them, even when most of what I learn breaks my heart. The two of them embody so much of what gives this universe its heart and brings it to life.