#‘you want to see something interesting?’ she’s just like me blogging fr fr

[womansfilm]

🐑❣️

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 10

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

something borrowed by @rosyredlipstick

In the Solace Wedding Planning agenda, on the fifth page into their summer schedule, there are carefully scrawled out notes reading this: Bride and Groom - Hazel Levesque & Frank Zhang Best Man & Maid of Honor - Percy Jackson & Piper McLean Wedding Court - Annabeth Chase & Jason Grace Mellie & Gleeson Hedge Reyna Ramírez-Arellano & Leo Valdez Ring-bearer - Chuck Hedge Flower-boy - Nico di Angelo - Will plans wedding and now, apparently, Nico stars in one. Except...sometimes there's a bit more confusion on that last part. AKA the AU where Will plans weddings and thinks Hazel and Frank are going to have to cutest, gap-toothed ten year throwing flowers down the aisle, all while wondering why this 'Neeks' guy is always hanging around, and what business he has looking that good.

yes i am back on my rosyredlipstick (dude she's GOOD okay). however this one is my favourite i think. this is the kinda story you could use to explain to people what dramatic irony is bc LORD i wanted to SHAKE THEM 😭😭 will falling like deeply in love with nico and being intensely stressed about everything the whole time is so real and on brand. i love him and i love the fond exasperation that just bleeds from this fic its GREAT

2. Rental Love by @rosyredlipstick

*Read Terms & Conditions - Male/22/Long Island N.Y.C. Tired of showing up stag at holiday events? Want your family to stop thinking there’s something wrong with you? Just want some arm candy for a work event? Look no further. Your solution is here! I will attend holiday events with you as your paid date. Accepting all genders as applicants. Email solace.w@fastmail.com if interested. Interview & application will be set up there. - Nico di Angelo has been telling Hazel Levesque about his boyfriend for weeks. The bad part? Nico doesn’t have a boyfriend, the holidays are coming up, and not all of Jason’s ideas are horrible. They’re all a bit surprised about the last one.

THE LEVEL OF STUPID THAT THEY ARE...😭😭 kills me fr. like this whole fic is just a manifestation of truly one of the best tropes of all time…..like what if we took a hallmark movie and made it gay as all hell. iconique indeed

3. A Match in the Making by @coconutcranberries-blog

“You’re a morning person,” Nico muttered, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. He ran a hand through his black hair, which stuck up in disarray, the same way it did every morning. He was a mess, and Will Solace looked annoyingly put together, and Nico didn’t even care, really, he didn’t.

friendship is the core of romance!! it is!! every time!!! and it's such a core in this fic....which is fucking??? ten years old??? im just realising?? jesus christ??? anyways. "Nico had the sudden, warm feeling that Will Solace had never bought his act." i YELLED

4. Perception by scorchedtrees

In which everyone thinks Nico and Will are together.

i love this trope i love it SO BAD. both ways. when your love is so obvious that no one misses it.....love to see it truly. and will can have one second of beingn smooth and not a dweeby loser. as a treat

5. the world is brighter than the sun now that you're here by @finalizer

It was hard, Nico eventually concluded, to maintain one’s air of spooky otherworldly detachment with a blinding ray of sunshine trailing one step behind him every minute of every day.

grouchy nico my beloved truly. honestly hes such a bitch i love him like "Seriously, give the guy a perm and a few cats and he’d be that weird aunt that everybody avoided around the holiday season." why does he ALWAYS have something vile to say 😭😭 hes a mood fr

thank you for joining me this saturday friday!! happy reading!!

[depravitycentral]

Hii I think I've read all your hxh stuff but the Tumblr blog search is kinda scuffed so if you've already answered something like this just ignore me

Anyway I was curious to know how/if you think the phantom troupe members would share a partner. Like maybe not all of them sharing one partner (that's the dream fr tho lol) but maybe 2 or 3 members sharing one if any of them are into that

Then that leads me to my next two questions, Kurapika and Leorio, would they share a partner or are they just not into that

Then lastly (and if you don't write for them or have any ideas that's fine ignore this) do you think Silva and Kikyo would keep a little "pet" around?

Anyway sorry for the long ask, I guess I could have split this up but I didn't want to spam your box 😅 have a lovely day! ❤️

Please ignore how late this answer is... Also the answer to the Silva/Kikyo question will be posted separately!

Tw: kidnapping, mentions of physical violence, manipulation, mentioned non-con

I was wondering how long it would take before poly yanderes would be discussed on this blog!!

My personal philosophy on poly yandere relationships is that they only work in very, very specific circumstances. The whole concept of a yandere is someone who feels such blinding and overwhelming love and desire for another person that they literally throw their morals out the window just for the chance to bask in a bit of affection or love from their special someone, and adding another person into the equation doesn't exactly fit this vision.

Most yanderes don't want to share you - you're theirs, simple and plain, and often only a very specific person could be the one exception to this rule. Even then, the relationship is often still strained, because unless feelings develop between the two yanderes themselves, jealousy will always be an issue and you as the darling will have to be very careful about making sure you give equal amounts of love and time to each yandere.

But instead of focusing on the logistics of it, let's discuss the actual pairs/their dynamics!!

Machi and Pakunoda are the least resistant to sharing. They respect each other, and while it may be a stretch to call them friends, this respect and trust has led to a solid foundation for them to build off of. Neither are especially forceful with their darlings, instead preferring to hover and take care of them with minimal physical force, and this helps keep both of them placated. Machi is sort of the bad cop while Pakunoda is the good cop, but the reason this pairing works so well is that they help bring out qualities in each other that would normally be their weak points. Pakunoda helps Machi relax and warm up to physical affection with her, because her own natural touchiness is easier to convince Machi that touching you won't be the disaster she's so sure of. And Machi helps Pakunoda attend to every facet of your wellbeing - Machi properly feeds you, tends to any wounds of yours, makes sure that you're getting enough sunlight, that you're still moving and not becoming lethargic, all things that Pakunoda knows she should do but sometimes skips in favor of kissing you or spoiling you. These two are definitely the best pair to get stuck with - still overbearing about your safety and hard to handle always watching you, but certainly better than others.

Shalnark and Chrollo are, admittedly, not equal players in this partnership. Most likely, Shalnark initially became interested in you, and upon Chrollo's eventually learning of your existance, he found himself charmed as well. Shalnark wasn't the happiest at the notion of sharing, but he sees the partnership as an opportunity to help keep you in line and make himself look good. He and Chrollo are both very, very talented manipulators, and by playing off of each other, they're able to present themselves as simply loving partners, managing to gaslight you into thinking that you're overreacting about them being 'horrible' and 'evil' for kidnapping you and forcing you to be their partner. And frankly, it works - they're convincing, and because you get no reprieve or time away from them both at once, eventually you will begin seeing things their way. This isn't a particularly desirable relationship, if only because while you'll eventually be happy (your mind too mixed up to even realize you're unhappy, that is), you'll lose a piece of yourself in a way that you wouldn't with other pairings. You'll be somewhat of a shell of your former self - still you, but with the parts that they like emphasized, and the more problematic parts of your personality (like your desire to leave them) being repressed.

Uvogin and Nobunaga is possible, but it's unlikely that things would last long. This is because Nobunaga is particularly delusional, and Uvogin is particularly lucid. And this combo - Nobuanga's infantilization of you and Uvogin's leniency in your independence - spells out disaster. Things would be tense; arguments would sprout often, with you left to awkwardly stand in the middle, desperately hoping that Uvogin will win the argument. (You don't like him either, but at least his ideas are less dehumanizing than Nobunaga's.) I think it could work, if they worked hard enough to establish how to treat you, but you'd be constantly walking on eggshells around them. (Plus, if you think your poor pussy is getting a little too much action with just one of them as your yandere, then get ready - they fuck you every night, nearly, one taking your cunt while the other shoves himself down your throat. Occasionally they'll even try for your ass, though Uvogin has the sense to force Nobunaga to get you properly prepped before he fucks what he thinks is 'her best hole - it's so tight'. They're just gross, and you'll very obviously favor Uvogin - which once again sparks problems of jealousy. So it's possible, but unlikely to work out.

Phinks and Feitan is another unlikely combo - their types are very different, firstly, but if they did manage to develop feelings for you, things will become very violent very fast. Neither wants to hurt you (at least, not deep down), but they don't exactly agree on how to punish you or respond to your misbehaviors. Feitan is more strict, deciding that you must be punished when you act out because it's the only way to get you to behave how they want. Phinks doesn't share this mindset - he's more of a sucker than Feitan, more inclined to just make you promise not to do it again and then naively believe that you meant it. And this leads to problems - their treatment of you is so radically different, both in the way that they speak to you and how they touch you, that they'll be fighting over nearly everything. And while you won't ever be physically harmed, you'll be subject to watch them physically fight when they're arguing, swinging fists and lightning fast moves making you curl up into a ball because god, they're monsters. Again, it's possible if they can figure out a system that's a compromise for both of them, but it's unlikely.

This probably isn't the answer you're looking for, but it's my opinion! There are probably some more pairings that could potentially work, but these are the ones I see being most likely.

Unrelated to the Phantom Troupe, some other pairs I could see being potentially successful are: Leorio and Kurapika (they're into that!! more protection, as far as Kurapika is concerned, and Leorio is more clingy than possessive, so he wouldn't mind sharing with his best friend whom he is already displaying borderline homoerotic tendencies towards), Knuckle and Morel, Misturi and Obanai, Uzui + wives, Douma and Akaza though it would be very, very rocky and is significantly more unstable than these other matchups, Aizawa and Hizashi, Overhaul and Chrono, Tendou and Ushijima, Bokuto and Akaashi, Hinata and Kenma, don't ask me why but Goshiki and Kindaichi, Kita and Aran, Suna and Osamu

[ohmaerieme]

I'd love you to talk more about queerplatonic Louimar, please? I ship them romantically to an unhealthy degree (which is quite funny since I'm not that big of a shipper, but when it clicks it clicks hard) but I'm interested in seeing your vision too.

we love unhealthy degrees of shipping on this blog. live ur life to its fullest... be fucking batshit crazy insane about two fictional guys....

as for my queerplatonic louimar vision.

i PERSONALLY think. were it not for going to pnf-404 together. they wouldnt have bonded so deeply. like the foundation of their trust for eachother comes from having to survive with eachother u know .. i cannot. fully put it into words or else i will start gripping my head and telekinetically destroy my room HOWEVER.

i really do believe. the main reason i see them as queerplatonic and not romantic is cuz it would seem ooc for olimar i KNOWW u guys get this alot but he just loves his wife too much. like she needs therapy for her money obsession fr.! but i think on a cosmic level they need to be together do u understand ,... olimars whole journey is him wanting to get back to his family and his wife !! i dont think hed smooch his coworker even if amidst the horrors (i have seen polyam olimar though and its so cute.. love that for him)

ANOTHER BIG REASON. is just that!! i dont think they NEED to be romantic!! something about a bond so deep and strange and unbreakable and more than platonic but not needing to be romantic to be strong.makes me crazy ok.. and these little creatures are my victims of the qpr beam

[nutzworth]

today begins my homestuck reread. i wanted to start it yesterday january 1, 2024 but i got busy. so we begin today

PREFACE: i wanted to download the unofficial collection and read it thus, but it didnt WORK cus of my accursed mac. so. im on the unofficial collection website. also i debated on how exactly to do my liveblogging and decided on actually liveblogging in my friend's discord server and then translating the day's reading to text on tumblr. so!

DAY 1: JANUARY 2, 2024

STATS: read for ~3 hours pages read: 1-381. 380 pages slur count: 3. john, rose, dave. all r slur silly count: 3. jade, rose, rose. jade about dave; rose about herself piss count: 1/3. howie mandel strikes again

THOUGHTS:

ive found a lot of overlooked aspects of especially john and dave. whether or not these are "i never noticed she was holding corn on the plate!" encanto aspects or not is undecided. people tend to interpret john as having eaten cake his whole LIFE when instead it was just on 4/13 because it was his birthday. dave has A BUNCH of ironic blogs and websites that he never shows. ive only seen sbahj and his personal blog so that was kind of a shocker to me. thats all the overlooked aspects i guess lol in addition to john talk: all of his dad's harlequin merchandise is soooo cute. i wouldnt be annoyed if my dad put all this harlequin stuff in my house theyre so silly and bright dave is REALLY ANNOYING. i kind of forgot. he sounds so different from how he sounds later in the comic and how he does in my head. he does a rap in the pages i read and the first part was good but the second part was bad. rose and her relationship with her mom is JUST like me fr...... ugh. rose is so me but if i was like way pettier. something about them strikes me. mommy issues i guess. being spiteful towards your mother when your mother is just trying her best. something. oh well i was thinking about the strilondes and their conceptions of irony and its been affecting how i interpret the text. dirk and rose get irony; dave and roxy do not. dave tries to mimic what he sees in bro, but only scratches the surface of true mind games. he fails at being ironic, though he is cool i guess (for other reasons). rose interprets her mother's vaccuuming as an "ironic housewife routine" which broke my heart. rose gets irony; roxy does not. (this is also how their one-sided passive aggressive one-upmanship operates. rose is ironic; roxy is not). ive also been keeping track of the times in canon which is also corn on the plate level but whatever. johns doing this all at FIVE PM. brother thats dinner time for me. a meteors coming for you and youre playing this game and suddenly youre in another dimension and its FIVE THIRTY! ugh. daves like oh man i gotta fight my bro to get a sburb game to save my buddy rose and its like SEVEN PM! jesus! so night time. some dirk and dave mirrors: manbro bukkake theater. didnt notice dave said that?!??! ben stiller instead of rainbow dash above the closet door. awesome. sylladexes and fetch modii are crazy and i think its so interesting how hussie focuses on them so much in these first acts. i saw something a while ago about how fetch modii mirror people's thought processes and thought it was cool. dave thinking STOP! = 7 and then that releasing his sword (in 7 spot) was really cool. i love fetch modii they make no sense also some pages havent been working and its kind of driving me up the wall :-/ some flashes dont have sound and daves sound mixer DIDNT WORK AT ALL! but thats fine rather that than one of the gaming flashes where you walk around.

think thats it for today. thanks everypony

[memurfevur-archive]

A question for the mun; May I ask what are your favorite trolls in the ftc as a whole?

Oh geez, I feel like this is always changing for me because I keep getting to know amazing new people and amazing new characters. I think I'll just name a few blogs and list my favorites from there, as I don't think I can pick out of the entire community when it's full of people I also don't know or haven't interacted with (yet!).

Quite a few of them belong to my partner @mageofspacemultiverse as I've known those the longest and have quite a few ships between us. A few of my favorite characters from him are Zomson, Hidelord, Devaron, and Pixcel. Each character of his is unique and has interesting backstories and personality, and yet every one of them is so on-brand for his blog.

From @thestarlightbrigade I have always adored Deltra and MY LIL MAN HIBUKI. Special shout out to Iiboye too. Lots of edgy angsty characters but each one is a specific flavor that never gets tiring. Avery's vibe is I'm shaking him by the shoulders and biting him affectionately. That is to say, he's a fun guy and silly to talk to. Prepare to get cat-gif'd.

@stuckstucktrolls I thirsted after Viktor since day 1 bruh. He's the Troll I am most familiar with besides Teagan. Creative characters and also very pretty, the lot of them. Cool cat boy cryptid gets the seal of approval from royal moth cryptid.

@goddesstrolls Kairos and Kairne. Ik Kairne isn't on the blog anymore but I thought he was pretty damn neat tbh. One of the first characters I knew Bast by. Also um... my (ex)wife Akidis, I love her to bits and pieces, and my male-wife Darvai. Buff women and bastard men run this blog, and all the world build and narratives Bast has come up with over the years are SO -chefs kiss- .

@miks-fantrolls Antemh <3 Sticking him under a microscope fr. I don't know a lot about anyone else, but maybe that'll change sometime. I don't know a lot about Mik but I personally think he's cool af. Mik if you're reading this I'm staring at you with wet pathetic eyes and offering you an egg in these trying times.

@roetrolls Veylin <3 She makes my heart happy. Also Franky, I would give him the world. Mallum is up there, too. Roe makes a lot of characters that are compelling, friend-shaped, and possesses you with the Funny Horrors (aka I can't stop laughing every time I see 'Dominion' on a street sign or pub. Like, it's the kind of joy that's like 'I know that guy! That guy belongs to this really cool person that I look up to! How silly that he has a bar named after him!' )

@sasster ...................... Redivi.................. Look, one could argue and say it's because he's a vampire and I'm absolutely a vampire simp 100%. But. But he's *terrifying* and that's a big reason why he's a favorite Chase Troll of mine. Compelling, scary, but recognizable as people we may know in our every day lives. An ever so loved face and name, but there's always something behind the scenes that we can't see. There's a performance for the world, while on back stage the true colors show. Mind you, I am extremely behind in the lore of the blog, but that guy? Man. That guy.

@windy-trickster -slaps the top of this guy's blog- This blog can fit so many funky lil dudes filled with unique lore and fantastic personalities and oh my god the angst. My favorites among them are Doleos, Rastho, and Althor. Windy is a creative writer and puts SO much love into his characters. Like for real, it's always a pleasure listening to him talk about them. It's clear he puts in a lot of love and effort into his guys, and I think y'all should go and see that for yourself.

@askthehiddencaste Shuska and Ashoal. I feel like Shuska is the face of the blog (i mean, the entire theme is a library, so), and she's such a charming character. Warm, friendly, but she's STRONG in spirit. Ashoal and Shuska are the two I'm most familiar with aside from Heliel (I want that goopy man carnally). Kanny has a lot of fascinating characters that all feel like a natural family to me. I could hang out with their characters and feel right at home.

@experimental-failures The only one I'm familiar with is Nix, so I guess he's my favorite by proxy-- BUT! I've always thought Nix was very neat. He feels like a guy I can run into out on the street irl. He feels so real to me, and it's always a pleasure.

@the-rainbow-overflow Elnric and Viroxa. Two very interesting characters for vastly different reasons, lol! I love the alternate timeline stuff Elnric has going on, and I feel soft for this guy mostly because it's the first Troll I knew Dusk by. Viroxa is... oh boy, god damn, a bastard? Such a manipulative and cunning guy where the ends justify the means, and I am OBSESSED. Bonus points that he's a scientist guy, ya know? We all love unhinged scientists. Kissing him on the cheek even if he may take my lips as donation and sew it onto someone else. Special mention to Makona as well, I am unwell about HISStory of Violence <3

@trollbreak Um, Bladed, teehee -twirls hair- Jonah has SOOO many lil guys. Silly lil guys! Some of these silly lil guys commit murder and treason! Some of them will give you plushies and Autism Creature stare at you as a means of friendship. Heehoo is my ultimate favorite, and Bladed is close second, but I adore Jonah and all of their characters.

@clown-fuckers-r-us Montague!!!! MONTAGUE!!!! MY BELOVED!!! CRYING WEEPING AAAAAAAA-- ahem. So um Montague is my favorite, he's so cool? I'm so invested in his story and not just because I have a ship going with that guy but his concept is so intresting??? A Purple with anger issues, rich and privileged but kind and loving-- now ruined by a broken mind and psyche, his one scrap of salvation that keeps him from fully losing himself being the memory of a lover that he hasn't seen since before the war on Limebloods... You should definitely go share some love with Bun, the mun of the blog; she's an AMAZING person, truly a wonderful friend, and one of the most nicest people I know.

@moonlit-trolls Tythus by far. It's been SO neat seeing Tythus grow and develop as a character. Moona and I made Ptillo and Tythus together, and while Tythus had some shaky beginnings as Moona was figuring him out, it definitely solidified and paid off in the end. Tythus is a compelling villain imo with complex goals and ambitions. Not to mention what a SILVER FOX HE IS GOD DAMN. You go girl, make that man hot and pathetic <3

I'm running out of steam for this post; if you're not listed on here it doesn't mean I don't have favorites or that I don't like you. There's A LOT of trolls to keep track of in the community and a lot of members too. Everyone has such amazing characters that I cannot possibly list them all off. Keep doing what you're doing, and remember that even if it feels a little pointless at times or that nobody cares, there ARE people who enjoy the content you put out-- whether its art, writing, silly little tidbits, or whatever else! There's people out there who will think about you over the smallest of things and smile, people who will think about you and your characters and feel inspired, people who may be too shy to interact but love and appreciate you and what you do. Whether you're a big or small blog or something in between, thank you for being part of the FTC.

[lostusagis]

Aaaaah! Is it Shower Dee With Love Day?! Well it IS Munday heheh! *Taps on mic* Ahem. Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Ok so first I'd like to say...

YOU'RE AMAZING!!! 🎤😊

I'm so happy to have met you. I still think about it so tenderly to this day. I'm really really happy to have you not only as my rp partner but also as my precious friend ❤️ You're my favorite person to see on the dash! Anytime you reblog or post something, I can't help but send you my support by giving a like or a comment or both~! You're so fun to write with and super sweet and funny and talented and smart and considerate and patient and supportive and kind and caring and- *BREATHES* I just think ur neat :) SUPER NEAT!!!

You put so many wonderful writing ingredients into all your muses and I want to eat all of them in one big pot of soup... Yes I want to eat them wyd about it? JNHBYUGTCFRTFYVUBHINJ LIKE I REALLY LOVE LEARNING ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR MUSES! It's why I always like to send headcanon asks. Your answers are always so good and interesting and I can't get enough!

You deserve all the support and love and recognition like fr people are MISSING OOOOOOUUUUUUUUT!!! I absolutely adore you and our interactions and I'll never stop expressing that. ALSO PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE POST THOSE DRABBLES I KNOW YOU HAVE THOSE GEMS DRAFTED I KNOW YOU DO DON'T HIDE THEM FROM ME THEY'RE CARRYING DUST OVER THERE THOSE FUCKING GEMS NEED TO BE SEEN I TELL YOU SEEN!!! Haha sorry I just love reading your drabbles like seriously I'm your #1 fan! I love your writing and your ideas a lot! Always the best stuff aaaahhhhh. Ok but srsly no pressure about posting those drabbles if ur not ready, but just letting you know that if you have doubts on them just know that they always come out great in the end ♡ I can tell you put so much thought and detail into writing them. It really does shine through. Actually, it's because of you that I ever wrote drabbles here for the first time! I've done a lot of first times here on this blog because of you, in fact. You inspire me in many ways, Dee! 😊

Haha sorry this got long wow. I could go on and on tbh, but basically you're the best and ily so so so so so soooooooooooo much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

( its 5am and im fucking skdjdjs gonna cry. you really know how to make me emotional huh? I really needed this though thanks. since as of late I've been hating my writing a lot. But man, you're honestly my favorite to see on the dash too. All those feelings are mutual. I LOVE seeing your reactions to my replies or asks, i always look forward to seeing that hahaha. And i definitely always wanna show my support to you too. I like seeing the stuff you rb related to Namida's character, helps me get a better understanding of her y'know? I adore her so much. I want to kiss her on the forehead and hug her tightly and tell her how amazing she is.

You're also super fun to write with, MAN. I still go through old threads and reread. That's how much every interaction was soooo great for me. But you're literally so sweet... So so kind. You're one of the few people I'm confident is interested in my writing & muses. Never had any doubts about that literally. I know I'd literally die for yours. Hmu if you ever write a book I'd buy that shit quick. Every reply, every ask, it's like a dessert. You've truly given me the best rp experience ever. And i wanna do my best to give you a good experience as well because im as invested in your content as you are in mine. You're awesome, amazing, so, so talented and creative. You're also such a great friend, thanks especially for sending me messages currently since it's just been rough haha. Just... Thanks for everything. I've had tough moments on this blog but having you as a mutual is why it still remains :))

But AAAA the ones i havent posted are unfinished, since i keep getting stuck or lose confidence in what I'm writing. I know i started the one i mentioned where the siblings talk about namida recently I'll try focusing on that next. You remain the only reason i still consider posting drabbles ajdjdjsksjd thanks i know i always look forward to your comments on them. But DUDE I'd love to read any other drabbles you'll write. I think so far you wrote the one where Namida got really upset and made a mess in her room & the really smutty one. I really wanna reread the first one so if you have a link pls send i read the most recent one a couple times already jesus. So good. Top tier stuff. Also if i forgot any others you posted please lmk 😩 but also just for u I'll make sure to try finishing more drabbles.

Thanks so much for being such a good friend / rp partner. Sending good vibes to you as well. You made me really happy by sending this sorry if its a jumbled mess ily )

[pulpitude]

meet my mc ✦ ilw edition 2/4

yes i know i mentioned 5 mcs in ame's introduction post but i got rid of the fifth one lmao. rip milena wilder you and your slutty antics will be missed. also got rid of aoya and replaced him with mia since there's just something about ao that didn't leave me satisfied enough with their character to keep her as a mc 😭

also a little fun fact about mc's sister: since all my mcs are so different and have different ethnicities i headcanon their sister's full name to be something else every time i play. in mia's case her full name is annalise labelle, in ame's case it's joanna grimes, for my korean mc it's shin an-hee and for my egyptian mc it's anipe el-sayed

(cw/tw for mention of sa and lesbophobia under the cut)

full name: euphemia "mia" labelle

age: 22

birthday: march 20th, 2000

gender: questioning if cis female or non-binary

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: greysexual lesbian (apologies for forgetting to put the grey flag above 😭)

personality type: genuine 99% of the time, aggressive once in a blue moon

love interest: amalia de león

occupation: unemployed, thinking of becoming a writer/poet

fate: merged with her human half, successfully defeated matty and cured the horrors

fates of friends: everyone survived and stayed

more:

♡ she has two mothers, esmé and miranda labelle, who only legally married when mia turned 12. she calls esmé "mom" and miranda "mama" or even "mamita". her name came to be because esmé wanted something that shortened to mia but didn't want to use just mia itself (she felt it's too basic), to which miranda suggested euphemia.

♡ however, what she doesn't know (and what neither of them wanted to reveal to her, for obvious reasons) is that her biological father is matthias. he used to cheat on silvia with esmé, who tried to leave him after finding out that he's married and that she's into women, but he manipulated her into repressing her attraction to women so she'd stay with him and coerced her into having sex with him.

♡ she's fairly loud about her shipping of abel and lincoln (but obviously not in front of them) and has gotten up to many shenanigans together with amalia trying to set them up, starting from the very first moment they saw the two interacting without arguing.

♡ she is 100% a girl written in pink, glittery gel pen. she frequently listens to female pop artists like britney spears, madonna, sabrina carpenter, (as of recently) chappell roan, girls generation and tomoko kawase. she's also a sanrio girlie and likes dressing in kawaii fashion with a bit of coquette inspiration. (yes all of my mcs are fashion icons don't blame me)

♡ mia does not sleep in that grey hoodie, most of the time she sleeps in bloomers or night gowns/baby dolls but those last ones are usually saved for when she wants to impress amalia. she does wear hoodies (rarely, but she does) but they're in her usual pastel color palette.

ps: if any matty stans follow my blog i'm sorry for making him into an even worse piece of crap than he is in canon

♡ she's very into writing and has been since she was a kid. she writes a bit of everything from poetry to fanfic to original stories and wants to have her works published in the future. ever since amalia got into fanfic as well, mia has beta read for her as well as given her writing tips.

♡ despite neither of them seeing matty as a father, mia still has a healthy sibling relationship with lincoln and considers him to be one of her best friends (and her one closest platonic friend ever since her relationship with amalia turned romantic). the fact they're related has yet to fully sink in for her, but the more time they spend together, the more things in common they realize they have. mlm wlw solidarity fr

[clearcloudlesssky]

BONJOUR (i really need to stop opening all my asks with this line there is not a singular french bone in my body)

you seem like a cool and intellectual person (everything i aspire to be fr)! and you speak mandarin like me (事实说，我的华文很糟糕...我的母语怎么说到那么差哎呀呀)! and you're friends with all my friends (i'm like a human detector device i see new person on my friends' blogs i stalk their page and follow them ehehehhj)

like we have to be besties at this point/j

my question: gush over your favourite book?? like GUSH IDC IF I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT I WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DETAIL

NEE HOW 没关系---其实我的中文也很糟糕 (ಥ﹏ಥ))

thank you so much for the ask!! i'm VERY new to interacting on tumblr so this is like really really really cool to me lmao

also PLEASE i am not a intellectual or a cool person do not aspire to be like me you don't know what i did last year under the blood red full moon of october 27th at 3:27pm

ok the gushing part I'LL TRY TO STICK TO BOOKS/MEDIA NO PROMISES THOUGH

generally speaking my favorite books are the ones i'm reading/have just read, so right now they'd prob be perfume as you who have stalked my blog may be able to tell and probably coriolanus which i am rereading rn @bassguitarinablackt-shirt i told you about coriolanus last year sobs

i was forced to read perfume by a friend of mine -- she's a sucker for these totally reprehensible, incorrigible characters, and she'd been ranting abt perfume for aaaages. and it sounded kinda perverse but at the same time really interesting so i read it and it was actually really good...

ok and just in case this monstrosity below convinces anyone to read perfume, there's a few warnings in hand

perfume is a decently dark book, there's like 26 total murders, and the ending is...interesting. the author has a talent for creating unique, immersive descriptions but like maybe 20-30% of the time these descriptions lean towards eroticism so if you don't like that pls be warned?

if you've ever seen food wars think that but with really really good smells

ok now to start

i think that perfume is really cool because it's one of those where there's exactly one, very very clear theme - others may crop up but this feels super central, and that theme would probably be human greed, and the tendencies of humans to destroy that which they most love. it dives into total obsession and the idea of wanting to possess something so much, so badly that you destroy it in that greed, and the poster boy for this idea is the main character of the book, jean-baptiste grenouille, who murders those with scents he desperately wants to possess

the entire book is very unique in that it focuses itself around one sense - smell, and this creates a lot of really cool descriptions and a pov that you've probably never thought of before.

the mc himself is also a really interesting character - he's totally dominated by this sense, he's like a dog but ten times more sensitive to smell. he doesn't care about other human beings at all, he doesn't care about physical pain, or visually beautiful things, he only cares about the smells around him. he has a urge to possess all of them, to learn how to create them and collect them. i've spoken about his inhumanness and other stuff before so i won't go into that (this is long sobs i haven't even spoken abt coriolanus)

ok what's below is a weirder interpretation..

one of the ideas that popped out to me when i was reading is that the author uses individual scents as an analogy for a soul. everything in grenonuille's world has a scent. it is what defines them. it is what makes them them in his worldview, and for him to lack a scent means that he lacks a soul, and this only further emphasizes his inhumanity. he's terrified when he realizes this, and his lack of a smell is what actually pushes other humans away from him

by attempting to create a sort of "ultimate perfume" for himself, he seeks to give himself a soul, a sense of being, but he's left full of hatred and fear once he realizes that people don't care for him, the soulless, scentless grenouille, but the scent he created. they aren't attracted to him as a person, they're attracted to his ultimate perfume, and their sheer olfactory gullibility disgusts him. i can elaborate but that means spoiling the rest of the book and i don't wanna do that TwT

this leaves no room for coriolanus but let it be said this is a goofy ass book (i love it but still) generally shakespeare is a bit dry? for me and i don't take a lot of enjoyment out of it but i had fun reading coriolanus

the main idea of coriolanus is a general, a military hero who enters the cutthroat world of roman politics, and is absolutely destroyed. his bluntness, refusal to compromise, and above all pride makes him psychologically ill-suited to become a politician, generally i feel that a lot of traits that made him an excellent general turn on him once he becomes a consul (think president).

he has an absolutely wack relationship with his mom, who i feel is like the roman equivalent of that one parent who's basically living through their child. from the start to the end, she's the one pulling his strings. she's the one who pushed him to military success, she's the primary one who pushed him to become consul, and it's her who's able to convince him to spare Rome when he finally leaves to seek revenge. and when she returns to rome? it's her who gets the glory, it's her who's hailed as rome's savior, while coriolanus himself is brutally murdered at the end of the book.

to me, she comes across as someone who's hyper-ambitious, and perhaps as a woman in ancient rome, she wasn't able to move anywhere with those ambitions, so she pushed them onto her son instead. she speaks of blood and swords and death, and is prideful that her son was sent into battle at a young age.

honestly their relationship is one of my favorites from this play, and the only scene that i enjoy more than the death scene is uh coriolanus's arch nemesis speaking about him..

"Twelve several times, and I have nightly since Dreamt of encounters 'twixt thyself and me; We have been down together in my sleep, Unbuckling helms, fisting each other's throat; And waked half dead with nothing"

And there's also this

"Than thee, all noble Marcius. Let me twine Mine arms about that body, where against My grained ash an hundred times hath broke, And scarr'd the moon with splinters: here I clip The anvil of my sword, and do contest As hotly and as nobly with thy love As ever in ambitious strength I did Contend against thy valour. Know thou first, I loved the maid I married; never man Sigh'd truer breath; but that I see thee here, Thou noble thing! more dances my rapt heart"

yep additional note coriolanus's full name is gaius marcius coriolanus

they're a little bit silly aufidius totally isn't the one assassinating him at the end nope

SORRTY THIS WAS REALLY LONG

[shzmluvrs]

Wait what if the reader an Billy are bffs (even tho they hav feelings for each other) but the reader starts dating a rly shty dude an Billy try’s to get them out of the relationship seeing how he’s treating them (can u do a fem reader ik u do fem readers a lot but I kinda selfish ig so pretty pls 🥺)

YES MORE HURT/COMFORT, OMG!!! *foams at the mouth👹💕*

Also, fun coincidence, I had another person with nearly the exact same request...

So it's cool that this now basically gets to be a two-in-one🤧🤞🏽.

AHH! Also, I wanna shout out @vivi-iiis-blog for always reposting my writing and Moon's collages bc it makes me feel all warm n stuff inside that y'all are really out here enjoying Moon and I's content, like 😻✨️🫶🏽!!!

~ Star✨️

All I Wanted Was You

Or, alternatively...

Stars and Hearts

Prompt: He couldn't be upset with you for being in love. Well, at least, what you thought was being in love. All he knew to do was to be there for you, no matter what. Even when you got hurt. But you'd better believe that he'd make sure something like that would never happen again. Not on his own accord.

Timeline: Post S!:FOTG

TW/Content: Angst⚡️Hurt/Comfort⚡️Cheating⚡️Arguing⚡️Reader being mentally drained⚡️Talk of manipulation/Manipulation tactics⚡️Cursing⚡️Alcohol/Drug use mentioned⚡️Slightly oblivious reader⚡️Billy being the best, as per usual⚡️Comic Relief Freddy, Big Sister Anthea energy on lock fr🤞🏽

Reader: Fem! She/Her/Hers Pronouns! (possibly) Bimbo-Coded ?? (but not full-on bimbo, if that makes sense)!

Requested By: Anon and @bansheecries

Back to Master List

"You did what?! "

       "I said 'yes'!" You exclaimed gleefully, ignoring how incredulous Billy's shout came out. "And we had a great time!"

"Oh, god, (Y/N)..."

It was his groan and eyeroll you couldn't bypass, watching as he shoved his hands into his pockets and continued to kick at the rock he had been rolling down the sidewalk the whole way home from school. You pouted a little, unsatisfied with such a lackluster reaction.

       "What? C'mon, he was really sweet and kind..." You praised, remembering how your latest romantic interest had treated you on your date. Your first date, no less, attempting to convince Billy of the legitness of it all until your voice dipped into playful sarcasm, nudging him with your elbow.

       "Not at all judgy and sarcastic like someone I know."

"Harhar..."

       "I think..." You sighed to yourself, unsure if you had even wanted to speak this thought aloud. But, you had already begun, no choice left to commit. Besides, Billy was your best friend. It was only natural that you told him everything.

       "I think he might actually be it, y'know? Like, I know that's-... That this is corny sounding, but I think he could be...'the one'."

       "What?!" Billy exclaimed once more, turning his wide-eyed gaze towards you for maybe a split second before closing his eyes and shaking his head in denial.

      "Absolutely not, no, that's crazy, you're crazy."

       "Crazy in looove~..." You hummed, suddenly reminding yourself of a certain Beyoncé track, not hesitating to spout out the lyrics as Billy tried his best to break your rose-tinted glasses and heart-shaped thoughts.

       "This is definitely just a fling or something..."

       "Got me lookin' so crazy right now, ya' love's got me lookin' so crazy right now~...!" You waved your hand in front of his face, Billy quick to push it away while he went on.

       "Plus...! Plus, you barely even know the guy. You met him two days ago. Two! And-and you're already going on dates with him?"

     �� "Got me lookin' so crazy right now, ya' touch got me lookin' so crazy right now~...!" You caressed his cheek with your knuckles dramatically, trailing them down until you were cupping his chin. And though he knew he was probably glowing red just from the careless act, it quickly fizzled out when he remembered you were still not seeing things the way he was. Seeing things clearly, if you asked him.

       "And just like that, you've suddenly decided to be his girlfriend? Don't you think you're moving too fast? I mean-"

       "-Got me hopin' you'll page me right now, your kiss got me hopin' you'll save me right now~...!" You danced around lightly, giving your best attempt at choreography while you sung, hardly taking notice of Billy's deadpan.

       "Dude, are you even listening...?"

       "Listening to you harsh the flow? Yeah, I am." You commented quickly before going on. "Lookin' so crazy, your loves got me lookin', lookin' so crazy in love~...!"

       "Hey- Okay, seriously. Stop."

       He took you by the shoulders, forcing eye contact and stopping your singing abruptly in hopes he'd make you understand where he was coming from.

       ". . ."

       "Look, I just..." He began, already searching your eyes for a tinge of regret in your choices.

       "I just think-..."

       And when he found none, anything left being a curious gaze up into his own green eyes with all of the hope in the world for his support, he let a sigh escape between his lips. He softened his stare and his hold on your shoulders.

       "I just... want you to be happy." A smile broke on your face at his words. "But also, be careful, okay? Please? Guys are... can be assholes, sometimes."

       "Yeah, no, I've got mega experience in that department." You quipped, nudging into him once more. "Being friends with you for three years has its learning perks."

       "Seriously." He reiterated his previous point with one word, hoping it would get through to your head as you nodded quickly and huffed.

       "Yes, Billy, I will be as careful as possible." And finally, he allowed a smile to tug at his own lips. You shrugged.

       "I mean, it's just my first serious boyfriend. How bad could it be?"

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Billy didn't know whether you had jinxed yourself or if it was mere coincidence, but to say things were going bad would be the understatement of the century.

The boy, as long as he'd known you, had always admired your tastes. Your sense of style, any "weird" physical and vocal quirks you might've had, and often tried his best to partake in your favorite interests. So, it was certainly a surprise to him when you had been rejecting all of those things, which eventually morphed into simply ghosting him whenever he'd try and get you to indulge.

But, he also had to assume you were happy. Content enough to reject all of those things, satisfied enough not to want to leave the relationship you had gotten yourself into. And at first, he had went to Freddy and Anthea about it all, asking them about things that at first seemed a little personal, but then left them quick to realize it was in hopes to ease his worries for you.

Once their advice had been given, expressing that maybe it was for the best that you two take some time apart to explore your interests in other people and that it hadn't meant you were going to leave him in the dust like others had in the past, he did as such. Though it was hard to hear and accept at first, he was doing surprisingly well on his own once again, especially with the support of his family (plus Anthea) to back him up.

It was today, a random, fall school day, that you two had reconnected for the first time in the couple of weeks. And of course, at first, Billy was ecstatic to see you. Be in your presence, chat with you about whatever came to mind first, let the inside jokes that accumulated over time relay back and forth between the two of you...

Not that he'd be able to easily express any of that, past experiences making it quite the task for him to be as open as he wished. But he tried to be and enjoyed doing so, which was all that mattered. Besides you, of course, who mattered very deeply to him, no matter what.

Which was exactly why he was taken aback by the odd silence. You hadn't spoken a word after your initial, uncharacteristically timid greeting, almost as if you expected him to carry the entire conversation. He and Freddy had been doing so for the entire walk around the campus, lunch really the only time you three had ever shared together within school hours, and now, ever at all given your new... boyfriend.

And whenever he'd make attempts to prompt the conversation to continue with any rambles you might've wanted to add, all he would receive was a curt response or a seemingly entertained laugh or gesture. Even with Freddy rambling on in your place, both brothers having been eager to catch up with you, it was clear neither of them would be getting you to fully engage without prying.

Something they were trying to avoid doing but soon realized might be their only way to get you to open up.

"Are you okay?" Billy finally asked, leaving you to whip your head towards him in surprise.

"Yeah?" You answered, almost as if it were a question, because why wouldn't you be?

"No, I mean, like..." There was a pause, Billy trying to gather the proper way to convey his concern. But, you had already realized what he meant, your body language shifting from that of confusion to sureness. Even if it was forced.

"I'm fine." And though you chuckled through your teeth and allowed your eyes to linger towards the floor rather than his own, you upheld your front, no matter the rearranging of his wording.

"I'm just saying, like... I don't know, you just feel off, y'know? Just wanna be sure everything's good between us."

No matter the sincerity of his tone.

"Why wouldn't they be?" You questioned, attempting to keep things light and nonchalant. Hoping he wouldn't press any further.

"We barely talk, it feels like."

"We're literally talking right now, though."

"That's..." He sighed. "Not what I mean."

It was a sigh that unknowingly prompted vexation within you. Not for any particular reason. At least, not one you could place or justify. All the more incentive to push them away further while he continued.

"Plus, you're acting different, too."

"I'm really not..."

"You are, actually." Freddy agreed, quick to spare more examples of your recent change in persona. "You're way more quiet than you used to be, you don't dress how you used to... We all hardly hang out anymore, either."

"I...don't know what you're talking about, okay?" You huffed, subconsciously distancing yourself from the two boys as you walked. "I've just been with my boyfriend. What's so wrong about that?"

"Nothing, if he wasn't literally changing everything about you." Billy grumbled, no intention to truly sass-mouth you. But, it was too late to take it back upon realizing you had heard.

"Who says?" You challenged, your tone dipping into the irriation you were so valiantly holding back.

"What?"

"Who says it's what he wants? Maybe I like being this way. Have you ever thought about that?"

"That isn't true." Billy denied, shaking his head in dismay at your claims. This only frustrated you more, though you still couldn't place why. Never had you been so quick to defensive behavior when it came to your best friends, and especially Billy. They were too understanding to ever need to do so.

But his words had triggered you in a way that they shouldn't have, targeting something deep within that made you question the things you had already grown so sure about.

So instead, you projected further.

"And you're just gonna tell me that?" You scoffed as if you were mimicking amusement before continuing. "I'm perfectly fine and happy, and just because I'm not spending every waking second with you or because I wanna make some changes for myself for the better doesn't mean-"

"-I say it's not true because that's clearly just him talking." Billy cut in before you could conclude your harsh rant. "The (Y/N) I know wouldn't have ever changed herself after getting to know someone or do things she thinks will make others feel good about themselves. You deserve to do what you want and be whatever makes you happy. So yeah, sorry if I miss the old (Y/N) more than whoever this is now..."

Your lips formed a stubborn pout, word vomit coming up and out of your throat with immediate regret once they were said.

"And how do you know I didn't change myself for you? Are you saying you don't like me anymore just 'cause I've finally met someone who wants what's best for me, not for me to be someone they think I am?"

"Oh my god, this is annoying..." Billy murmured with the shake of his head and the roll of his eyes. And while sure, he was just addressing the situation, or maybe just the conversation, that's not at all how you heard it.

"...You think I'm annoying?"

"What?!" He exclaimed, almost laughing at such a wild suggestion, but quickly began to panic when he saw the tears well up on your waterline.

"No! No, no, I-..."

"Is this guy bothering you...?"

You almost jumped at the feeling of an arm snaking around your waist, but upon looking up to see the familiar face of your new love, your pout dropped into a frown.

"Not anymore." You clarified. "If I'm so annoying, Billy, we don't have to be friends anymore. Since that's obviously what you want."

"(Y/N), wait, that's not what I meant-... It's not what I want! I just-"

"Well that's too bad, because I know what I want." And the moment your eyes trailed away from the brunette to look back at your boyfriend, going practically lovesick just being next to him, Freddy was the one to grasp onto the fact that there was no getting through to you now. At least, not like this.

They watched as the lovely couple took their leave, your solemn demeanor not the same slap to the face as your boyfriend's comforting back rubs were before he shot a glare over his shoulder right towards Billy. For a moment, he was willing to ignore it, stepping forward to go after until he felt Freddy's hand tug back at his shoulder.

"Don't, dude." He warned with the shake of her head. "He isn't worth it, and... I think you should just let her cool off."

And though it left a bitter taste in his mouth to admit it...

"...You're...okay, you're right..."

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

He ignored the two sets of brown eyes that stared at him, following his quick figure all the way to the kitchen, and then wincing at his stomps up the steps. From the way he had slammed the fridge door shut to his refusal to make eye contact with anyone (and probably for the best, his glare capable of icing anyone over) the second he walked through the door, Mary was swift to let her her mouth fall open in order to ask what was wrong.

Freddy spoke up before she could, shutting the front door as he entered.

"Don't worry about him, he's just in a mood."

Anthea's head perked up at this, moving her gaze away from Mary's strange, rectangular object that she had now been informed actually wasn't magic, but technology. A cool subject to be learning about, but it was now Billy's sudden frustration that piqued her interest. Or, more accurately, the cause.

"Why, what's the matter?"

Freddy couldn't help but snort to himself, waltzing over to quickly press a kiss to Anthea's temple before explaining.

"Doesn't like that his lovergirl is all cuddled up with some douchebag she met two weeks ago."

"Wait, you mean (Y/N)?" Mary smiled fondly at the mention of you while Anthea giggled at the odd yet teasing way he had said the word, "lovergirl." It ceased, though, when she posed a question of her own into the air.

"What's a...douchebag?"

"Mmm- Kind of like a dickwad." Freddy both unhelpfully and vulgarly informed. He was lucky his younger siblings and/or parents weren't around.

"Or like an asshole. A really mean yet dumb person. Kind of like how the Breyers are? Yknow?"

"Ohh!" Anthea gasped, gaining a sudden understanding once Freddy had reached the last bit of his explanation. "You mean an imbecile."

"Yup!" Freddy snapped and pointed with a smile. "An imbecile, exactly that. That's what she's dating."

"Wait-wait-wait, no way this is the same (Y/N) we're talking about right now." Mary half-laughed, half-scoffed. "You mean the same girl Billy was trailing around after like a lost puppy two or three summers ago? She was so sweet when they met, at least, when I met her. What happened?"

"Yea-up, that would be her." Freddy confirmed nonchalantly. "And, don't get me wrong, she still is. It didn't stop them from having a fight, though."

"What, about the boyfriend?" Mary pressed further, her nosyness for her younger brother's love life getting the best of her.

"No- Well...! Kinda? Less about him, more about them, together. Even though they're not together? I dunno, it's weird, hard to explain."

Anthea's gasp gained the both of their attention, the tan girl placing a hand to her heart in melancholy understanding.

"Ohh~! He pines for her from afar, but he cannot pursue what he's forbidden to attain. How tragic...!"

"...Uh...Yeah, basically that." Freddy shrugged.

"Well, we don't know the whole story, so who's to say she's officially unattainable? These things can be tricky, you know."

"Hmm..." Anthea nodded with a hum at Mary's words, agreeing with her statement as they pondered their next step. Freddy gave an amused 'Tch.' attention lost in his phone looking for his daily mishap that only a superhero like himself could fix.

"Yeah, good luck prying it from him."

And with that, the two girls spared each other a knowing look, one full of both mischief and wonder before shooting off of the living room couch and in the direction of Billy and Freddy's shared room. They gave soft knocks at first, Anthea the one to hesitate upon not just wanting to intrude. But when they didn't receive an answer, Mary was swift to disregard any second thoughts before bursting in.

"Oh my god, you're so emo..." She muttered after further inspection of the room, both girls greeted with the sight of Billy laid sprawled out on his back, head buried between the comfort of his pillows while music blasted through his earbuds. So loud, he hadn't even noticed their presence until he felt the edge of his mattress dip, angling his head to peer forward at the culprit.

He merely scoffed at the sight of Mary's teasing yet knowing smirk and then sent an eyeroll that led him back to his pillows at Anthea's shy wave.

"What now?" He practically huffed, expecting an order of chores from Mary or the random input on some super-work that needed to be completed, nevermind just homework.

"So, um..." Mary began gently, tucking in her lips as though she were pondering over her next set of words. "(Y/N)..."

But truth of the matter was, no matter how she'd approach it, Billy's cheeks would still flush red, and his eyes would gloss over. His hands would still jitter, and he'd still break out into a cold sweat. He'd still think about how pushy he was being and about how maybe he shouldn't have spoken so recklessly towards you.

"Oh my god... what did Freddy tell you..." He sighed, barely a question while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Only that you and (Y/N) are fated to be...!" Anthea sang with a gracious smile and placing a comforting hand on top of his own. He pulled away without a second thought, eager to remind the two of how untrue such a statement could be.

"Well, if you remember anything from what Freddy wasn't supposed to tell you, you'll know that if that were true, she wouldn't have a boyfriend right now."

"Speaking of," Mary interjected. "Freddy also mentioned how the guy she's with isn't a good fit for her. Are you sure? Or rather, is that true?"

"Why does it matter?" He sassed. "She's happy, I guess. She doesn't-. . . We don't even talk anymore, so that's it. Drop it."

"Wait, you 'guess'?" Mary indulged further. "Is the guy cool or not?"

"If he is as Freddy described, then she needs to be warned that-"

"Don't you think I've tried that...?!" Billy cut into Anthea's words, running a stressed hand over his face and through his hair. "She said she's fine and that it's what she wants. So I'm over it, it's whatever. I'm not gonna stop her from doing what she wants. She's smart, so I'm sure she'll figure out what's best for her..."

It was silent for a few moments, nothing but the sound of Billy's playlist cycling through, music bleeding out of the speakers of his earbuds until Mary ceased the knawing of her bottom lip. She had been wracking her brain for the best solution, or at the very least, some older sister wisdom she could impose on her younger brother.

"I don't blame you for wanting to give up. These kinds of things can be tricky, especially now since you've waited so long to come to terms with your feelings for her."

Though wasn't her intent, her outloud thoughts sent a wave of hopelessness crashing through him. He hadn't meant to wait. Hell, he didn't even want to recognize such feelings when they first started happening. Afraid that if he confronted them, he wouldn't even get the chance to express them to you before you were out of his life, just like the rest.

But it was obvious it didn't matter what he did, if he confronted them or not. You were basically already gone. Well, not gone...

Taken. He felt that was the more appropriate word, not that he'd tell you that for fear it would imply something else he didn't mean. Just like last time.

"You want the best for her, right?"

Once again, no initial response to her question. It urged her to insist further with a slight nudge against his shoulder.

"Don't you?"

"...Yes."

"Then, for now, you be the best most supportive friend you can be. You will be there for her when she needs you."

"And if everything we've heard about her current partner is correct, then trust us, she will." Anthea confirmed, attempting again to calmly take Billy's hand in hers. He didn't pull away this time, simply allowing her to deliver comforting squeezes until she stood to trail out of the room after Mary, leaving him back to his swirling thoughts and loud music.

He decreased the volume in order to hear his thoughts better. They left him faced to admit the fact that they were right. No matter how hard he wanted to push these foreign emotions deep down back inside, he couldn't. But he also knew it would be selfish of him to try and butt in after you had made your own feelings clear to him. Instead, he'd do as advised, doing all he could in any way. Be your best friend, just like always, and support and care for you no matter what.

Because just that was better than losing you altogether. He would make peace.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Friday afternoon was when he had finally gathered the strength and courage to do so. He had done as Freddy told him, giving you ample space and time on your own. Or, with your boyfriend, rather. And he had taken Mary and Anthea's words into deep consideration. It was now time to act, his eyes scanning over the large cafeteria in search of your (H/C) hair mixed amongst the rest of the student body.

Once he had found it and began to approach, he was swift to notice the change in color of the tips. A bold color that he never would've assumed you'd do, but was eager to ask about it the second he could. He thought it looked cool, a half-second distraction to your change in wardrobe as well. Surely more conservative, he noted, but at least both observations took away from the perturbed look on your face.

That was also something he was eager to question but wouldn't, for now, and simply settled on the simple and casual...

"...Hey."

Your head whipped towards him, silent at first with wide eyes until breaking out in a grin that he hadn't expected to come given your previous conversation. Almost as though you were glad it was him, a pleasant surprise.

"Hi...! I-... You're here, wow."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Billy almost chuckled at your fond gleefulness, happy to have whisked away some of that obvious stress.

"Well, I dunno." Your voice dipped back into a timid demeanor as you spoke. "I just figured... I made you upset, and that you didn't wanna be friends anymore."

"Of course I still want to be friends. I... wanna be there for you. If you need me, of course."

You perked up at this, a feeling of reassurement that hadn't recently been there returning to you. Letting your guard down.

"Really? Even after... after..."

"Yes."

You didn't have to finish, smiling to yourself instead before directing it towards him in thankful courtesy.

"So, how've you been?" You chirped, picking lightly at your fruit cup while awaiting to hear the next wild story he would relay from hearing Freddy tell it, or some troublemaking Darla had caused lately.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you that."

Both smiling, you poked your fork towards him in a teasing manner.

"I asked you first."

"But I wanna know more."

"Stubborn, as usual."

Sharing another laugh, you lied through your teeth, giving him the most basic and surface level knowledge of your recent hardships and achievements. Not on purpose. Just so that you wouldn't be immediately giving him something to worry about. Friends don't dump their problems onto the other right after making up, right?

Right.

You'd just hold off for now. Let him in to the fullest on a later date.

"What about you?" You finally inquired, the two of you now strolling through the semi-empty halls together. Truly catching up, which was nice for the time being.

"Bored, not gonna lie."

"Pfft-." Your snorted aloud at his answer, laughing more when he argued he was being serious with such an unserious tone.

"I'm just saying, like... Mary and Anne were on my case the second I got home last week. I'm just... we're just used to having you around, I guess."

"Yeah, that's my bad. I've just been so caught up lately with everything... School, and my family, and my boyfriend. Relationships are... so much more complicated than I thought."

A silence lingered between the two of you. Not an uncomfortable one, but it wasn't exactly the most peaceful, either. It was like your most inner thoughts and secrets just danced upon the tip of your tongue, while the very question that would pry them all out danced on his. Neither of you knowing, yet able to just feel it in the air. Expecting it.

"How is that going, by the way? I don't really see you guys together often, so I just figured you hang out outside of school?"

"Oh, I just had him last period, actually...!" You informed almost too swiftly, the lightest of defense in your tone.

"Oh, that's good...! Great."

Quiet. It wasn't intentional, not on anyone's end. But it was something that had somehow forced you to let him in anyway. Even if just the slightest.

"I guess so. He's been... quiet, recently. Like, doesn't really wanna talk."

"Oh? Why, what's going on?"

"He isn't like this all the time. But sometimes, things get to him, and he just takes it to heart, you know what I mean? Like, just yesterday I was texting him all last night and I was helping him through some things with his mental and like, how sometimes he feels like I'm being weird, but he's weird, too, and... bleaugh."

Towards the end, you had sensed you revealed a bit too much, able to feel Billy's green eyes mulling over you with hints of concern.

"All last night?" He confirmed with a slight emphasis on 'all.'

"Well-! Nothing I can't handle, just a couple of hours, really."

"Aren't you tired, though? I mean, it was a school night..."

"...A little. But it's not a big deal, I'm happy to help. Besides, like how you said you'd always be there for me... I'll be there for him."

"Right... I just-"

The scuffing of an additional pair of shoes against tile alerted the both of them, the conversation being cut short with a swiftness Billy hadn't seem coming or understood. Even more troubling, the way you had created a noticeable distance between the two of you, your foot awkwardly sliding to left the closer your boyfriend came.

"Hey, baby...!" He trailed, already eyeing up and down, side to side between you two the faster he got closer. He wouldn't be one to admit he had been listening in on your conversation long before either of the two of you realized he had entered the corridor, but the fact he had chosen now to, not only make his presence known...

"You just... telling people all our business now?"

...But to also add on such a sly little remark, masking it as an awkward joke, was something that made Billy narrow his eyes for mere seconds. He could sense the comfortable vibe decrease, listening to you stumble over your words in a much quieter tone than before.

"No! I-...No, we were just... catching up, basically. We were just talking and I was... I was just kinda asking-... Inviting-!... him to your...um... your party this weekend?"

"What, you mean tomorrow?" Billy clarified, having accidentally revealed both her initial lie and a new tidbit of information. The boyfriend let it slide, for now, swift to play it as cool as possible with Billy around by pulling you into his chest unexpectedly. Making a big show of fondly rubbing your shoulder up and down and spewing ample amounts of affection that would make anyone uncomfortable.

"Yeah... tomorrow." You softly answered, unable to continue eye contact with your best friend under the pressure of your boyfriend's. You couldn't exactly place or even begin to assume why, but it was a look that always made you squirm. At first, it seemed to disguise itself as lovesick nerves. But now it constantly came riddled with the extra thoughts of, 'Is my hair okay? Does my outfit look nice? I hope he likes the color I picked. The makeup isn't too much this time, right?' Etc, etc.

"I'm sure she's probably ran her mouth to you all day about it, but, you know (N/N)...!" He chuckled, gently shaking you upon mentioning you with a pet name. "Just talk-talk-talks."

"I guess..." Billy mumbled, unappreciative of the subtle implication while you internally took it to heart.

'...Do I talk too much?'

"But I totally get that it's not your scene, I mean... socializing, fun, hot drunk girls..."

'Am I not hot enough for him?'

You played with the ends of your newly dyed hair, debating on asking your boyfriend's favorite color as means for the next change.

"Actually, I happen to be free this weekend, so it's a good thing (Y/N) invited me now before she forgot."

"Really?" You asked, and though your tone hadn't meant to convey such hope, your eyes all but practically screamed it when you had finally gathered the courage to look back into his. A smile slowly made its start, but faltered upon hearing the same word leave your boyfriend's lips, tone all too different.

"Really...?"

One of skepticism, almost as if there was a betrayal taking place right in front of his own eyes. A tone that let you know you wouldn't be hearing the end of it later tonight.

"Yeah, I mean, we're basically best friends, so..." Billy didn't hesitate to make facts known and clear, all under the guise of a polite smile and a shrug.

"Where she goes, I go."

An awkward chuckle was shared.

"Well, lucky you..." Your boyfriend sighed with a compassion you knew was fake, parting with one last squeeze to your shoulder before heading towards the nearest exit of the hallway.

The pout on your lips never seems to leave after the interaction, resembling the same look of puzzlement you sported when Billy had first approached at the beginning of lunch. But now, it was the end, and here it was back again after Billy had done his best to absolve you of such worry. And, now that he was at least eighty percent sure of the direct cause, he'd go out of his way to make sure such feelings didn't increase on your boyfriend's behalf.

"Are you sure you actually wanna go?" You sighed. "I mean, he is right. I've never seen you at a party, ever."

"What, and you've been to how many...?"

You nodded. He made a fair point.

"I'm his girlfriend, though. I basically have to go so he can show me off and whatnot."

"Won't he have enough 'hot drunk girls' there already?"

You struggled to hide the grin at his sudden yet subtle compliment. Giving your boyfriend's harsh and clueless words a new meaning while nudging him with your shoulder as if it'd get rid of a feeling you hadn't felt in the last few weeks.

"Silly. I don't drink." You half-heartedly joked, a way of accepting his compliment before taking your leave as well.

"I'll text you the info, then, 'kay?"

"I'll be there."

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Those words ran through your mind like a broken record. They had you admiring such sureness and swooning at the thought of someone... well... being there! It was this, coupled with the fact that, even after everything, Billy truly hadn't given up on you. He wasn't so hasty to let go of your friendship, and if it weren't for your-

No. No, don't think that way. It was your own doing that led to such an outburst. Your boyfriend was going through a tough time. Even now as the two of you chatted back and forth early into the Saturday evening. To place blame on him would be wrong. Almost cruel of you.

But even so, you were beginning to grow weary with the constant contact. And normally, it wasn't something you'd mind if the usual topic of conversation wasn't something so draining. Usually, the abundance of info on family matters. How his mother and father would treat him, or how his feelings were never "put first." He even had the gall to bring up yesterday, leaving you to reassure him that Billy wouldn't cause any issues.

Hogging your attention, acting like "a loner," whatever it was the boyfriend had implied...

'Ping!'

Speak of the devil, here to rid you of your swirling thoughts.

─────────────────────

Billy😼

You there?

I'm at home still

Gonna be there in a bit

Oh mkay

Omw

Btw Freddy and Anthea are coming cuz they don't wanna be "left out"🙄

Is that okay?

Yeah sure that's fine, great actually

I'll have someone to talk to

Alr bet

─────────────────────

For whatever reason, though the conversation was short and dry, it soothed your nerves, and suddenly, you weren't as high strung anymore about possible future events and conversations. It allowed you to finally put together a reasonable outfit and do your makeup, hair the last thing on the to-do list before gathering necessities into your purse/bag and heading out.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

You were starting to wish you had packed earbuds in that little purse/bag of yours, wanting nothing more than to tune out your boyfriend's advances. Albeit a rude thought, you couldn't help but allow this one to slide considering how he was acting just as such.

And yet, you still didn't have the heart to reject the obvious signs, or at the very least, hint at the fact that his breath reeked of alcohol, which was all you needed to know in terms of why he was suddenly being so touchy-feely. Something that used to give you butterflies, now leaving you with an odd disdain with/after every rub and pinch and grasp.

"Why're you so'stiff...?" He asked (slurred, more like), running his hands across your shoulders. Without thinking, you pushed yourself further onto the bed, shrugging him away and swiftly denying his claim.

"I'm not. I just... have good posture."

"Ha-ha, babe." He tossed his head from side to side. "I'm being for real. What's the issue? Are you not relaxed? I can- We can, like, maybe lock the door or something. So no one'll walk in, y'know?"

"Why would I want the door locked?" You almost scoffed but knew better than to let any attitude slip from your person as a smirk glossed his lips subtly.

"Unless you like to play it risky, that's cool, too~."

"I don't want to play anything, I just...thought we could have a nice time together." You spoke, your voice dipping a little from the stoic demeanor to one of vulnerability as the confession flew over his head.

"We could~." He responded simply to your suggestion, having not truly taken in your words, tone, or even just body language. It took you having to snap in the slightest for him to finally understand...

"And talk. To just talk, okay? I mean, there's literally nothing you want to talk about right now? What was all of that texting about earlier that we were doing? You don't wanna talk to me about that?"

...And, as usual, he managed to take it to heart. More often and...accurately than you'd like to admit, he had managed to become the victim.

"Mncht...oh." He finally let up, sitting himself up from dipping into the bed with the click of his tongue against his teeth and turning himself away from you.

"I mean, the whole reason I threw this party was to have fun and not worry about that, so..."

"Then why bring it up?" You huffed, frustration growing in the pit of your stomach. Not even at just the current conversation, but at every interaction you've had with your boyfriend beforehand. Matter of fact, as it occurred to you, you couldn't even recall the last memory/time you'd actually been excited or content with him present, causing even more bitterness to rise the more he spoke.

"Uh, I dunno, 'cause maybe I figured my girlfriend would understand and be there for me an' shit. Like, c'mon, you're my rock, start acting like it."

"You first..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

Quiet followed, one that weighed you down like a heavy blanket. One that made you want to run out of the room the second you got the chance, because for whatever reason, you expected the sudden wave of guilt or maybe even some harsher words from the boy in question. Surpringly, neither came.

"Look, uh... I just don't wanna talk about it while I have you here, 'kay?"

Your brows furrowed.

That was...understanding of him. Gentle. Maybe you had misconstrued all of this. Maybe you truly were in the wrong. Maybe-

"I'm gonna get you a drink, yeah?"

"Well, actually, I don't really-"

"-Yeah, but you need one, so..." He interrupted, lifting from his spot on the bed and pressing a swift kiss to your temple. One part of you, as he slowly stalked out of the bedroom, hoped he'd forget and just take the drink for himself. But another part told you the last thing he needed was another, mainly because you didn't come here to babysit. He was right. It was a party, and you did have stress you wanted to celebrate away.

But you were finding it so difficult. After everything, literally everything, all you could do was just sit there and let your mind swirl with thought after thought after thought. Questioning everything, especially yourself, more than ever. Was it really supposed to be this way? Were these the responsibilities that came with being in a relationship? It seemed real complex, draining, even. It hadn't seemed as such from the outside, having observed the other relationships you witnessed your peers enter over time.

I mean, all you wanted was just that. Something simple. A significant other who'd be there for you and care for you and talk to you, not just about their issues, but with you about any and everything. You wanted the cute little kisses and the shy hugs and the awkward meeting of each other's parents. You wanted the cheap gifts and the creative dates, and even if it all sounded like straight-out-of-a-rom-com fantasy crap, you figured it wasn't too much to ask for...

'Ping!'

Your phone chimed once more, and you saw Billy's contact light up on the screen.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

"You are making it entirely too obvious that you're obsessed with her, dude."

Slowly, Billy turned his head so that Freddy could witness his dead stare, the boy giving an unphazed shrug in response and adding a swift, "Just sayin'."

"I'm literally just trying to make sure Mary is going to the right place, okay?"

"Ooh! Why don't you ask her about the grievances with her partner?" Anthea chirped on the other side of him, leaning over to peer into his and your private chat.

"I'm sure she'd appreciate the-"

"-Trust me, she does not want me bugging her about her love life, okay? I got this."

"Oh, really? Is that why she's with some other dude and not you?" Freddy chided, and before Billy could snap back, Mary aimed her review mirror so that she, too, could deliver Freddy a stern glare.

"Dude..." She warned simply, and he hushed. With a curt sigh as she turned down into a neighborhood street, she began a semi-short lecture and some added advice.

"Look, the only reason you two are going with Billy is because I need you two to...keep the peace, per se."

"You act like I'm gonna lose my shit, oh my god." Billy huffed, Anthea and Freddy sharing quiet giggles while Mary shrugged.

"Relax, it's just a precaution. Like I said before, these things can be tricky so it's better to be safe than sorry. Besides, last thing Rosa needs is you getting into your umpteenth fight."

"Besides," Freddy started up again. "If you do decide to do whatever it is you gotta do, I want proof to laugh at later."

He raised his phone in the air, giving it a knowing shake as they pulled onto a packed street that led directly towards the house they could only assume where the party was being held.

─────────────────────

Billy😼

We're here

Why is it so packed😭

Cuz it's a party, Bill

Did u expect it to be empty?

💀

No but gosh

Why are ppl this hyped to get wasted n high

U are so cynical

I'm realistic🥱

Yeah well IM meeting you outside, so dw about trying to find me ;)

─────────────────────

You couldn't help but bite your lip in feeble attempts to hide the smile threatening to practically crack your face open. Your heart pounded, and your hands were growing clammy and jittery. The bounce of your leg made the bed shake, and it made you wonder why you were so anxious just to see Billy. He was your best friend. It should never be this serious.

Was it even anxiousness? You were smiling. But, then again...

Maybe it was because you had sent that stupid little winky face. Was that too flirty? Did you even mean it to be flirty? You were his best friend, there shouldn't be a reason for him to even take it that way. But... if he didn't, wouldn't that make you a little upset? What would be so crazy about you flirting with him? Would he hate that? Or would he hate that because it's you and you're supposed to be just friends?

Oh shit. You're supposed to be meeting him outside.

You quickly gathered your things and exited the bedroom, making your way through the crowds and towards the stairs.

"Hey...!"

Billy, as much as he tried to fight it, allowed his entire stoic and introverted demeanor to melt into lighting up at the mere sound of your voice. And then, the half-second you gave him to admire you and your outfit and your hair before running into his arms for a much needed and, for some reason, unexpected hug.

Should he even be hugging you? You had a boyfriend. Why should that even matter? It's just a hug, and you were just friends. You know what? Doesn't matter.

"You're here, you made it!" You spoke loud over the music blasting from the stereos, Billy nodding surely as he spoke.

"Told you, I'd be here!"

"You did." You barely agreed, nodding to yourself and again, fighting off a bashful smile before sending a wave Freddy's way and sparing Anthea a hug and some swift girl-talk.

For a while, this is how it stayed. The four of you off to find a semi-quiet place to talk and indulging in your own playful banters and stimulating conversations. But, at some point, Anthea remembered her mission. She was to play matchmaker, and it occurred to her that her and Freddy's presence could potentially be stifling that. So...

"Oh my goodness, I love this song!" She squealed suddenly, jumping up from her spot and grabbing Freddy by the wrist.

"I- Wha-? This song? You love this song?" Freddy questioned in a flurry of shock and surprise.

"Yes, this one! My...mother...sung it to me as a traditional, uh... lullaby in my realm. Long, long time ago- let's go dance, my love!" She sputtered quickly, leaving all three of you to tilt your heads like confused puppies.

"...You had-...Y'all listened to Ke$ha in your realm?"

"Yes!! Bye!"

Anthea practically dragged Freddy away, the two boys sharing a shrug as you giggled to yourself at such silly antics.

"They're so...perfect for each other." You sighed, watching the two fondly.

"They're aggravating." Billy huffed, but you knew he didn't mean it. The upward curve of his lips told you otherwise.

"I'm almost jealous." You chuckled, looking downwards into your lap.

"What do you mean? I'm sure the guy your with treats you like a goddess. I mean, that's common sense, right?"

"I wish." You scoffed through another, almost bitter, chuckle. "I can't even remember the last time he..."

Your words trailed away, processing Billy's words as heat rose to your cheeks.

"You think I should be treated like a goddess?"

"Uh, yeah?" Billy spoke with a tone that made you second guess the things you had been putting up with your current boyfriend. "(N/N), didn't I just say common sense?"

"Yeah, but-... I dunno, that's a little crazy, I think."

"If only you knew." Billy threw mindless words into the air, looking back towards the way Freddy's eyes were basically hearts and stars towards Anthea as she danced with him amongst other kids. Mind you, Anthea, the goddess daughter of Atlas, whom Freddy worshipped as such.

"Hm?"

But you weren't supposed to know that.

"Hm? ... oH-! Nothing, nothing. I just...you know...I-"

"-Are you... trying to say that you would...treat me like a goddess?"

Billy stared down at you, green eyes meeting your expecting (E/C) ones until he finally pushed out a curt, "Don't I already?"

"No, but if you're willing to start, I don't mind." You challenged mischievously, standing up and pointing your finger downwards. "I wish to be taken away from the loud music and the drunk teenagers! Upstairs to a much quieter, safe zone! I command it of you."

A disbelieving smile spread across his face, leaving you to try your best and ignore those mesmerizing dimples of his.

"Please."

"I am not carrying up the steps, (Y/N). What if I drop you?"

"But, you said...!" You almost whined, and before you could do so further, he held up surrendering hands and shot you another smirk.

"You're right, I did. C'mon..."

"Yay!" You squealed giddly, adjusting your clothes before jumping onto his back, fully thrilled at the added height and the way you no longer had to use your own two feet.

"Don't make me regret having said anything." He ordered sternly, but you knew him well enough to know that he had trouble remaining so pessimistic around you.

"Never that." You chirped.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

The "quieter, safe zone" consisted of the two of you finally getting to completely catch up in an empty, upstairs master bedroom. Thirty minutes deep in whatever late night conversation there was to be had by the two of you. Giggles and inside jokes were shared once again, and the playful, witty banter returned. Just like old times, although something in the air lingered differently. Neither of you could place it nor wanted to address it due to the fear of negative change.

But that was okay, because this was enough. It beat the uncomfortable feeling of your drunken boyfriend any day. A harsh thought yet again, but it couldn't be helped. Billy was just... better. Yeah, in general, but now that you've entertained the thought...

Was Billy better for you?

"What'cha thinkin' about?" Billy hummed, laying next to you with his phone in the air as he scrolled through his entertaining TikTok for you page. He paused the next video, waiting to hear you instead, until you finally flipped over on your side to give him your full face. Intern, he gave you his full attention, phone off and away, and eyes gazing into yours.

"...Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, whatever you want."

"..."

Okay, this was a lot harder than you thought. Maybe you hadn't thought this through. It was too late now, though.

"...Do you think-"

"My, my my music hits me so hard! Makes me say, "Oh my lord!" Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet...!"

Both of your brows knitted at the same time, searching each other's eyes for the wild answer as to why you could hear Freddy's voice over the one of MC Hammer's all the way from downstairs, along with a cheering crowd.

"No way...no he didn't..." Billy murmured, unable to allow himself to move another inch while you nearly shot up from the bed in your own pure disbelief.

"Oh my god...!!" You shrieked with a nervous grin, exiting the room while Billy finally willed himself off the bed just to follow it suite.

The music continued as you two raced down the steps and back into the main area of the house, and low and behold...

"Oh, ohh, oh-oh, oh! Oh, ohh, oh-oh, oh...!"

Freddy had managed to get a crowd going with him, and granted, this was probably the best experience of his life, he would surely wake up tomorrow remembering none of it.

"I swear he had one drink and then just...vanished!" Anthea expressed, both entertained and mildly concerned.

"What are you doing?!" You yelled to him in a panic, Freddy casually pointing out to you with a lazy grin and excited laughter.

"Vibing!!"

"I'm gonna get him a water..." Anthea sighed, making her way towards the direction of the kitchen as you began to try and settle the reckless crowd down. But mainly Freddy's tipsy ass.

"Do not break anything, I swear...! I don't own this house!"

"Relax, I won't!" He scoffed, turning away to face the crowd with his crutch just barely missing a vase by a couple of inches.

"Dude...-!" Billy sighed but found it useless at that point when Freddy was already so unaware of his surroundings.

He looked down at you, you having already been looking up to him for reassurance before another nervous laugh broke out in between the two of you.

"Cmon, let's find Anne, and we can bring them back upstairs."

And though you wished you and Billy had gotten more time together, just the two of you...

"Okay, sure."

...It was probably for the best.

"Hey, (Y/N), there you are, okay, let's go...!" Anthea rushed, having already left the kitchen at such a brisk pace, it caught you off guard when she spun you around by the shoulders and was pushing you back towards where Freddy had accumulated Instagram story worthy hype.

"Wha-? Wait-"

"I'm thinking we should just...grab Freddy and go home!" She chirped, almost uncharacteristically, as she guided you along. "I think we've been here for long enough."

"Well..." You began, slowly maneuvering out of her grasp. "I can't really just leave, y'know, I have to tell-"

"Oh, don't worry about that! He was in the kitchen, I already told him that Mary's here and that she's gonna take us. It's no issue, really...!"

Upon hearing this, Billy looked back over his shoulder towards the archway that led into the kitchen, brows knitting once again as a sinking feeling settled into his chest. Something was very off, and though he wanted to trust Anthea's word...

"Okay, well, at least let me say goodbye..." You mumbled, Anthea too busy hauling Freddy out of his beloved crowd to notice it was too late to grab your hand to stop you.

"Wait...!" She called, but you were already out of sight.

"(Y/N)..."

"Hi." You smiled at Billy as he stood in between you and the archway. A naivety about you that made what he had just seen even more anger and guilt inducing. Not that he should be the one feeling guilty, but...

"Hey, um...You know, Anne's right. I think we should go, y'know?"

"That's fine." You nodded. "But I wanna say goodbye."

"Oh, don't worry." Billy smiled at you calmly, rubbing at your shoulders and ever-so gently pushing you backward. "I already told him 'bye' for you, so..."

This was beginning to grow weird. Your stomach suddenly growing bloated even though you hadn't really eaten yet, a tightness forming in your chest. Why was everyone being so pushy all of a sudden? Why was it so okay for everyone to nudge you around like this? You've already been dealing with it from your boyfriend for so long, you couldn't handle your best friends doing it too.

"Stop it, I just want to say it myself, okay?" You informed sternly, pushing Billy's hand away.

"No." He stopped you, moving back in front of you as if he were blocking you. Or... was he blocking something from you? What was he hiding from you?

"No?" You questioned in disbelief. And you didn't wait for his response before shoving past him and into the kitchen.

"Wait-!"

"Oh shit...."

As cliche as it felt, time seemed to stand still, and the noise began to fade. You actually couldn't believe it was happening, just like in the movies and TV shows and books. And yet, here it was, happening to you the moment your eyes landed on your boyfriend kissing another girl.

Your boyfriend. Kissing another girl. And he was enjoying it. He was enjoying it, and then he saw you and pushed her away like nothing. The exact same way he had been treating you. Like nothing...

"What are you...?" You couldn't even finish because you already knew exactly what he was doing. He was cheating on you, and you were starting to cry.

"(Y/N), I think we should go, now..." Anthea murmured, having joined the scene with a for-the-most-part sobered up Freddy.

You ignored. Not purposefully, of course. But you just...

"Why would you...?"

You couldn't finish that sentence, either.

"I'm-I'm sorry! I didn't even see yo- She-! She kissed me! I didn't-...!" Excuses stumbled from his lips before he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No, no, how could you?" You faked anger, not truly having it within you to be as mad as you wanted. As pissed as you should've been. It just... wasn't there. And it was evident through the freshly dropped tears onto your cheeks as you continued to fake it anyway because he had no right to act as though he was annoyed with the circumstances. You wouldn't let him have it this time.

"I thought that you were supposed to love me? And be there for me? Why the hell are you even-? Why did you even invite me if you weren't gonna even talk to me or be with me or even- even just act like my boyfriend? Even if you didn't mean it, you couldn't just fake it for one fucking night?"

"Oh, because you've been the best girlfriend ever..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When I was with you earlier tonight, (Y/N), I tried to be with you. You didn't want to do shit, I mean, c'mon! You don't even drink!"

"I literally tried-! I-...What does that have to do with anything?" You cried in stammers. "How is that a good reason for you to-... to-...!"

"Being with someone and getting with someone are not synonymous. She didn't owe you any of her just because she consented to being your partner." Anthea stated factly, words you couldn't formulate in the moment perfected for you by her on your behalf.

"Look, I wouldn't expect you to understand." He spoke, addressing Anthea with condescension and an eye roll that made her sneer. "Guys... we're different, okay? We just...we have needs, and at least she's trying. What we're you doing, (Y/N)? Hanging out upstairs with him?"

He pointed to Billy, and the boy in question had half of a mind to end the argument right there on his own, more violent, terms. But for now, he wouldn't. He knew better than to act out of turn, especially given your emotional state, as much as it hurt him to see things play out this way for you.

"How do I know you weren't cheating on me, huh? Even after everything I told you about what's going on with me? My family and my worries?"

"I would never do that!" You defended. "Billy is my friend, okay? And it's not my fault that you've never been able to accept the fact that maybe he should be more than that, because he treats me ten times better than you ever could!"

You had let the words...confession?...words slip out unintentionally, but you were on a roll. A force to be reckoned with as you moved closer to your newly made ex.

"I've been there for you this entire time, but what about what I needed?! What about my needs? They were always ignored, and you were always the one ignoring them! I mean, look at you, you're not even sorry! Just mad you got caught."

"I'm-!"

"-No!" You cut. "You know what you are? A self-centered, cheating, asshole!"

*s m a c k*

And before he could even register you had slapped him and that Freddy had laughed inappropriately loud at it, you were gone. He didn't even get to see you leave the kitchen, your figure already halfway up the steps and towards the master bedroom to gather your things. At least, that's what you told yourself, until the tears kept coming, and your chest wouldn't stop rising and falling. Your throat was on fire and-

*SLAM!*

*c l i c k*

. . .

"I should rearrange the insides of your body where you stand..." Anthea cursed with half of a mind to do just that. But alas...

She was swift to urge Billy and Freddy along, quickly rushing after your path until stopping at the sound of your broken sobs.

"Oh no..." She sighed to herself, her heart aching for you as Freddy moved forward. He twisted the knob and sighed.

"It's locked."

Billy and Anthea shared a look, Freddy's forehead leaning against the wood of the door and mustering it up within himself to speak as calmly as possible.

"(N/N)? Heyyy, y'know-...I know things got...rough for you out there. But-! But maybe this is a good thing, like, if you just-!"

"Go away...!"

A pause lingered in the air, Freddy able to hear the hurt in your voice. He knew that's not truly what you wanted, to isolate yourself. And even if it was, he just didn't have the heart to let it be so. He was one of your best friends, he couldn't stand to see you like this. Hell, even just to hear it. Looking over towards his brother, he could only imagine what it was doing to him on the inside. So, for both you and Billy's sake, he tried again...

"You know I can't do that. I don't wanna leave you here, (Y/N). Please just...talk to us. We wanna help you through this."

No response this time, though he could hear you muffiling your cries away in failed attempts to not be heard.

"I don't...think she wants to come out."

"Let me try." Anthea spoke. She moved forward, replacing Freddy's position in front of the door and giving the softest of knocks.

"(Y/N)? It's Anne... I...can't possibly begin to understand the way you must feel right now. You never deserved this, and we'd just like to help you, okay? Whatever you need, just tell us, I'll make it happen."

"Go. Away." You seethed.

"...But-"

"I need you guys to go away, okay? Just leave me alone, I just..."

You didn't want to say you wanted to go home. Even though you did. It seemed a little baby-ish on your part, and regardless of the meltdown you were having, the last thing you wanted was to further embarrass yourself by acting childish. Crying over your freshly dumped boyfriend and your new, heart aching, emotional wounds was enough for tonight already.

"Please, just go away." You begged through choked sobs.

Billy couldn't take it anymore.

"Just...okay, just move. I'll sit with her, Freddy, call Mary."

"But how-"

"-Just do it, please, okay?"

The two sighed, Anthea sending a nod of good luck before leaving Billy on his own to sit on the other side of the door with his back up against it, listening to you carefully. Not that you were doing much of anything but crying, but part of you couldn't even believe it.

You wondered to yourself why the tears and emotions were even lasting this long. Although, you supposed that regardless of how laughable the relationship was, it was still your first. You had still given it your all, invested your energy and love into it. Maybe that's why it hurt so badly. All of it taken for granted, thrown away disastrously at a random house party.

God, this house.

You wanted to get out of this house.

Not that you could...

You hadn't paid much attention to the commotion outside the door, but you had loosely figured that once it'd gone quiet, the trio had obeyed your requests, leaving you on your own. Which, in hindsight, that's not what you wanted. More than anything, you needed someone to be there for you. To just be there was even enough. You needed-

"...Billy?"

He had stood the moment he heard you begin to unlock the door, taking steps back to allow you space before you opened the door to his sheepish figure.

"Hey."

You could only stare for a moment, warm tears brimming your waterline all over again until you literally couldn't stop yourself from moving forward.

"(Y/N), are you o-"

He huffed at the impact of you colliding with his chest, but recovered just fast enough to hold you as you cried some more.

"You didn't leave me..." You whined in between shallow breaths of air, gripping onto the back of his shirt as though he would in mere seconds.

But, he wouldn't. He couldn't.

"Of course not, I'd never leave you." He reassured, encouraging you to bury yourself further into him by tightening his hold.

"I'm right here, okay? And Mary'll be here soon, we're gonna take you home, 'kay?" He murmured against your temple, only for you to look up at him with big, glossy eyes and a pouted lip.

"Home?"

"Anywhere but here, but yes, home."

You laughed. He had made you laugh, even when you truly thought you couldn't.

"I-"

You stopped yourself. You were not going to say that. You knew better than to try and say something you weren't even sure you meant. Hell, you had been doing it this whole time with your ex, and you hadn't even ever told him the I.L.Y words yet. You wouldn't do that to Billy. Instead, you began to apologize.

"I'm sorry." It was a murmur at first, barely audible words before you willed yourself to speak up and be brave yet again tonight. Have some confidence, even if it was a little fake.

"I'm sorry I said those things. Earlier, when I was yelling at...that prick. I hadn't meant for it to-...It just came out, and it came out weirdly, and I don't-... I don't wanna make this awkward between us, I didn't- I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You don't have to be sorry."

"Yes, I do." You argued, even as he shook his head 'no'.

"No, you don't, (Y/N). I just... want you to mean it."

You were a little thrown off by such wording, pulling away slightly as you wiped your eyes and cheeks with the sleeve of your shirt.

"Huh?"

"(Y/N)..." He sighed, looking away for a moment as if he were putting the words together in his mind. You waited patiently, having known that he was never one for thoroughly explaining his inner emotions. He had been there for you, so, now it was your turn.

"...I want you to mean all of that stuff you said because I just... I love being your best friend, it's... You're amazing. But I've kind of always thought us being... more than that would be even better. But I didn't wanna ruin a good thing, so I just...I just decided I'd be there for you for everything else, even if it meant you... not being with me and with someone else."

"Billy-"

"-And I know...! I know it doesn't really matter what I want at the end of the day, because again, I'm just here for you. But... when you got with that doucebag, I just...I didn't not want you with him. I just didn't want you the way you were with him. I never have. I don't want some version of you that's toned down and trying to be a certain way for anybody, including me. I mean, all I've ever wanted was you. I only want you, (Y/N)."

You didn't know what to say. What could you say? I mean, you could think. But all that would run through your mind was, 'How could I be so stupid and blind?'.

It was here that you knew that you would be completely sure... that you meant it when you told him-

"I love you."

And while yes, you blurted it out fast and awkwardly, you still knew that it was true.

Billy smiled because he did, too.

"I love you, too."

And there you were again, back in the safety and comfort of his arms, but this time, with his lips planted on yours in a kiss that actually felt like fireworks. The way it was supposed to feel, gentle, and full of love and care. Soft, yet eager, with no intention to take it further than you wanted it to go. Breaking the kiss in order to breathe properly, you could finally see the way Freddy had looked at Anthea all of this time while Billy gazed down at you.

With stars and hearts in his eyes.

I hope this was good!! I know it's a bit long, but I have no self control, no one's here to tell when to stop. So. I don't🥴.

Also, I apologize for my long hiatuses. I feel like it's a curse, for fanfic writers, to be going thru the most wicked shit when all we wanna do is write our silly little stuff😭.

But I promise, I'll try to keep more consistent because I love doing this!

~ Star✨️

Back to Master List

[crystalprima]

🌸 Intro! 🌸

GENERAL INFO:

Hii!! I'm just going to post whatever comes to mind here. It'll be unorganized and messy, but who cares, right? You can expect head-canons from random fandoms I'm in, aesthetics, stim-boards, mood boards, and MAYBE icons. Still debating it. If you want me to make something for your favorite character/show/fandom/whatever, feel free to ask for it! I have literally 0 followers at the time that I'm writing this, so I'm sure I'll see it.

Keep in mind, I'm in a lot of different fandoms, and some are pretty cringey (sorry MLP). This account is not going to be focused on one fandom, but an entire variety.

If you wanna learn a bit more about the stranger behind this account, feel free to keep reading!

PERSONAL INFO:

Name: Crystal Age: 22 Gender: Half female, half computer babyyyy (I'm being fr. I feel like a CPU more than I feel like a human. It's like 60/40%.) Pronouns: She/They Zodiac: Libra

Alignment: Chaotic Good Enneagram: 2 MBTI: ENFP Hobbies: Playing video games, singing, traveling, hiking, editing, this blog probably

FAVORITE THINGS:

Favorite Food: Pho Favorite Drink: Mint Tea Favorite Songs: Bailando, Fireflies, Birds Don't Sing, Alive, Amsterdam, Cha-Ching, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart, New Romantics Favorite Artists: Kesha, Madonna, Tame Impala, TV Girl, Empire of the Sun, One Republic, Imagine Dragons, Taylor Swift, Beyonce Favorite Movie(s): Heathers, Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days Favorite Shows: The White Lotus, Bob's Burgers, Bee & Puppycat Favorite Games: Far Cry 5, RD2, Stray, Any Pokemon Game Ever Favorite Book Series: Villains by Serena Valentino Favorite Season: Fall (Haha got u) Favorite Sports: Hockey, Baseball, Football Favorite Time Of Day: Night

FANDOMS:

(I will definitely add onto this as time goes on.)

Shows: -Danganronpa -My Little Pony -Pokemon -ENA -Gravity Falls -Adventure Time -Bee & Puppycat -ATLA

Games:

-Alice: Madness Returns -Kingdom Hearts -Stardew Valley -RD2 -Far Cry 5 -Doki Doki Literature Club -FNAF -Literally any Pokemon game

Movies: -Disney -Pixar -Studio Ghibli

Kin List

DISCLAIMER: I don't actually believe or pretend that I'm these characters. I just relate to them the most. It also provides some insight into my personality, I guess. I ALSO DON'T BEHAVE LIKE AN ANIMAL, IF THE KIN IS AN ANIMAL. I PROMISE I'M SOMEWHAT NORMAL.

Pokemon Kins: -Hilda -Skyla -Lillie -Primarina -Eevee

Danganronpa Kins: -Akane Owari -Aoi Asahina -Junko Enoshima (I'm sorry) -Celestia Ludenberg -Chisa Yukizome -More to come when I finish drv3

FNAF Kins: -Chica -Bonnie -Glamrock Chica -Roxanne Wolf

DDLC Kin: -Yuri

RD2 Kins: -Sadie Adler -Arthur Morgan

Amazing Digital Circus Kins: -Ragatha -Bubble

Bee & Puppycat Kins: -Bee -Toast -Sticky

MLP Kins: -Fluttershy -Sweetie Belle -Princess Cadence -Applejack -Rainbow Dash

ENA Kins: -Ena -Hourglass dog

Gravity Falls Kin: -Wendy

Adventure Time Kins: -Flame Princess -BMO -Lumpy Space Princess

ATLA Kins: -Ty Lee -Suki

Disney Princess Kins: -Ariel -Moana -Rapunzel -Belle -Anna -Nani

Disney Character Kins: -Luisa -Alice -Sally -Lady -Daisy -Eeyore

Pixar Character Kins: -Dory -Dug

Studio Ghibli Kins: -Sophie -Hin -Kiki

Other Fandom Info:

Favorite Pokemon Type: Water, Fire, Grass, whatever Missingno is

Dream Pokemon Team: Primarina, Alolan Vulpix, Eevee, Squirtle, Lilligant, Tauros

Talent: Ultimate Performer

Element (ATLA): Air

Other General Info:

Random Interests: -Uncommon glitches in games/software -Scammers getting angry -Science experiments -Miniverse things -Coding/scripting -Corruptions in games/software -Drama (i like to observe it, not to be in it)

Conclusion:

If you made it this far, I'm proud of you. You seriously have some dedication when it comes to trying to figure a stranger out on the internet. But please, go get some water or touch some grass. It's probably been a minute since you've stepped outside. Don't worry, I'm in the same boat. I'll do it with you. 3. 2. 1.

[colorlesschristmastree]

I thought you were a Gwynriel? What a disappointment to know you’re not just like every Feysand on this app. Fr now what makes Elain better than Gwyn for Feysands? It doesn’t make sense to me how you would want someone like Elain to be with Azriel when Gwyn is right there. Actually Gwyn is so similar to Feyre and she would‘ve never treated her the way Elain treats her sisters. Just know that you’re not obligated to ship Elriel just because you hate Nesta and Gwyn happens to be her friend. I‘m so disappointed right now.

Hi anon,

I am truly not sure how to respond to this. Is this because of my most recent reblog? I'm sorry you're disappointed, I really am, but I'd like to take this chance to make my stance on these two ships clear.

"It doesn't make sense to me how you would want someone like Elain to be with Azriel when Gwyn is right there" "Just know you're not obligated to ship Elriel just because you hate Nesta and Gwyn happens to be her friend"

A lot to unpack here. Do I want Elain to end up with Azriel? Ehh? I don't genuinely have any vested interest in Elriel, I have a lot of Elriel moots and it pops up in my for you a lot and often there's cute things there, I see something I like, I reblog it. Do I want Gwyn to end up with Azriel? Ehh? I see equally as much Gwynriel in my for you and guess what? I sometimes will see something I like, and I'll either like it or reblog it.

You make it seem like me drifting right in between Elriel and Gwynriel is my way of punishing Gwyn for daring to be Nesta's friend, like it's me saying she doesn't deserve him for associating with Nesta. I will tell you the truth of the matter.

I do not like Azriel.

What has he done to deserve either of these two women? Is he to be some type of reward for good behavior? If I like Elriel it's because Gwyn's bad for being friends with Nesta, if I like Gwynriel it's because Elain's bad for how she treated Feyre in the cabin? Seriously? Why can't Azriel be the problem? He is the least interesting to me, I wouldn't mind if he ends up alone.

Elain and Gwyn are not competing to end up with Azriel in my mind, I truly don't think they have to. He should be the one competing for them. Elain isn't better than Gwyn to me and Gwyn isn't better than Elain. That's literally why I reblogged that post from katsum50, because I agree with them, I care more about reading a story about Elain than one on Azriel or Lucien. I think her book will be interesting and I really am curious to know what goes on in her head and how she sees the world and the people around her. In the post I recently made defending her people had literally been shipping her with her sisters abuser! Does me defending Elain from those who ship her with scum like Tamlin automatically mean I've forgotten my dislike of her actions (or lack thereof) while living in the Cabin? No! I ain't forget, thats why I need an Elain book so I can see what's what.

Gwyn and Elain both have more character and personality than Azriel has had in all the books he's appeared in. I like the respective ships for them alone. I love seeing Azriel be Elain's manservant in fanart while she gardens, providing her shade as to not burn her lovely skin. I love seeing Azriel train Gwyn to be a better warrior, so that she can cut him with more ease. I love when I see Elain drawn as a pretty fairy and Gwyn as a mermaid.

I've chosen to explain myself because I value the people who follow my blog and like my posts, but I really think you need to reevaluate how you approach the Azriel centric ships, because he is not some prize or an indication of which woman is better.

[dogwittaablog]

i think she probably had met him once cause supposedly her dad is an OHL coach, but she’s defiantly boosting it for clout. like i’ve met a ton of hockey players and they’re normal guys but would never describe them as “nice and respectful” as many times as she does

*IM GOING TO BE STANDING ON BUSINESS WITH THIS POST*

So I never even knew she existed till that submission I got, and weirdly all of a sudden I kept getting a bunch of messages all at the same time in this same text/grammar/punctuation format LMAO… which concludes to me she defs sent them in.

I tragically did a deep dive into her blog before I formed opinions and speculations, just to see if anything wasn’t actually bs. Though the more I read the more sus I got about a bunch of stuff.

She allegedly claims she’s known or was around Nolan and her family when she was young, because their dads golfed together (I literally do not think his dads much of a golfer either lmaooo) + her dad and his uncle were coaches together… Anytime a question is brought up about Nolan she constantly brushes it off cause she wants to respect his privacy… listen if I genuinely know people personally or have the respect for them as she claims, I wouldn’t even be entertaining one word let alone let it be known that I even know them… on a blog… 😭💀

Bro I fr don’t even want to get into the her having two kids and her having a child allegedly at 16, not that it’s even a issue, cause not my problem, but their is something sus about that whole ass thing too. She also seems to constantly wanting to lie or hide about her age, or not disclose it… which I find weird, cause if you do the math even by her kids alleged ages you’d know she’s at least early 20’s but claim she’s in her mid 20’s, idek. It’s probably some literal teen running it. Respectfully if I had 2 kids I wouldn’t be up on some Tumblr blog posting what she posts??? Something about the way she writes in terms of punctuation comes off juvenile. Nothing radiates baby mama of 2… oops. Also the sus life story idek man.

(One of her post regarding nolpats)

So as I said she’s someone who claims to know nolan on a not super close but a still personal level lol. Yet says he doesn’t have any reputation… be for real with me 💀💀💀 “cause no one is really that aware of him”. You could pay me with a cheese burger to personally fly out to Winnipeg to ask people around and I bet you they’d know who the kid is also Winnipeg isnt huge and the communities are small, everyone mutually knows each other especially when you’re born and raised there. Nothing adds up to her even knowing him.

Also claiming she’s on his private account, I’m sure babe… that account is strictly for family and friends he’s known closely for years. Not some random that allegedly got pregnant at 16 and then left Winnipeg for 4+ years (as she’s said) and never was in contact with him for years LMAOOOO. Also to publicly claim you’re on it too, interesting.

Long story short I’m sorry home girl @ urhockeymilf you defs are making up half to all of or pre much everything you’ve claimed… I know you send yourself submissions too on your own blog… so I cannot wait for your submissions in my inbox after you potentially see this.

I’ll also add I do run this blog myself but I won’t be stupid enough to start claiming I PERSONALLY know anyone. I share info I gather from others, and express they’re just rumours and speculations, and when making points on why I think something seems true I’ll always try to provide proof and a logical answer to why, rather then just talking out my ass or making shit up lmao.

[conjured-osteon]

Hiatus

{-Kicks rocks an mumble grumbles- I SWEAR this account was fully intended to have more activity but I'll be going on a Hiatus till further notice. If curious, I've added more under the cut but to keep it short'n'simple; Rough start to the year that only continued hasn't helped my creativity an instead stressed me out. (Triggers in the Tags, just in case.)}

{Starting this explanation on a softer note, I find myself having a hard time focusing on my lovely characters an this blog. Not to say I'm intending to get rid of it! But when you get nervous trying to reach out to others or don't get responded to it can be a bit disheartening an I never know what to do as a plan B. (Plus I know we all have lives outside of this. I'm just an unfortunately nervous person an sometimes the Logical Thinking gets bopped by the What If's) But I also have Bouncing Interests so at times my drive will go from full throttle to Zero without any warning because something else has gripped me like a vice.

I have been desperately wanting to work on the blog but as mentioned above, lack of interaction kills the motivation an leaves it kinda stressful cause I dunno what I can do to do better, especially when not wanting to be a pester or bother anyone. Otherwise I HAVE met some wonderful people who are a delight to chat/plot with and I am so, so, so sorry I've been inactive the past month :'D I take responsibility for that radio silence of mine.

And onto rougher notes... New Years Eve I had to say goodbye to my childhood dog. She lived a good, long life an it's still upsetting not seeing her around after nearly 15 years. Holidays already grate me so the addition only made it worse and then some other details surrounding it just, made it especially bitter for me. I've suffered depressing/anxiety fueling dreams involving her almost every night since. Following as a few days ago; one of my cats passed away. Another example of old age but losing a pet never comes any easier over the years.

Around December is when my mental state really started taking a nosedive, one I thought was going to be a temporary thing seeing as I was working odd hours for events from my usual shifts, not resting or eating properly Truth be told I'm bad at that in general bUT, grieving over the approaching vet visit on top of other stressors that came during the Holiday season. A part of the mindset I was thinking it would pass was due to the fact I don't register things that have happened/are happening immediately, an so I just guessed I was having one of my delayed responses from other things and handling present stress... Cept, it continued on in waves for several weeks in comparison to a day or two. Aaaand earlier today while I was working, I got so stuck in my own head, so tightly wound up by meaningless thoughts, arguments with not purpose and physically over stimulated into self directed aggression by getting MF'in' hiccups that I ended up reaching out to a Cr!s!s Hotline when I found I couldn't even make myself contact friends/family. My strongest Rational and Logical Thought was I needed to talk to someone before my predicament made itself truly hazardous. Immediately after, I called my partner so he'd be aware. I'm doing better at the current moment, quite chilled out actually an I fully intend to bring this all up with my Therapist this week.

I hate worrying others and I falter to express what's going on due to the always hovering thought of I'm just looking for attention, or I'll be ruining another person's day because I'm being a child. Something I've struggled with for a long time that I'm hoping-- Trying, very hard to work through.

Soooo yeah- I guess this is me saying I need to step back for my mental health. I'm still so bummed out by having to do this but I really, really want this to be a fun space I can look forward too at the end of my day without my own nagging negativities getting in the way of it.

DMs will continue to be open but I'll be much more MIA from here than I was prior, this time with reason behind it.}

[fullsunstrawberry]

hey girlllll

okay first- the chap was SO GOODDDDD and i’m so excited for your nct reactions and texts!

also your tattoo with your mom is so cute 🥰🥰 and the designs for your seventeen ones are adorable so i’m sure your nct dream ones will be super cute as well <333

i want to get a tattoo but let’s be so fr i’m so scared of needles 💀 kao (bf) has a bunch of tattoos and they’re so cute but i personally would never - your so brave for thiss

also mother in law apologized thankfully so so more problems there :)

my life has been pretty boring tbhhh i’m living with kao rn but he’s pretty busy with his med school things rn so i barely see him 😢

i really need friends 😭

BUT ITS NOT LIKE I DONT HAVE FRIENDS my two ride or dies (yes we are a trio but we’ve known eachother since 2nd grade and there has been 1 argument that lasted 30 mins 💀) are literally so far away 🥲 missing them 24/7 but we have our weekly group facetime soon so 😋🤞

ugh life has been so boring recently fr i need a hobby asap

i feel like i’ve lost all my interests because i’m high school i would lterally do math for fun and that’s the last thing i need to do rn 😭 like sure i did. volleyball but where in nyc am i going to okay volleyball like be so fr rnnn

WNYWAY HOW ARE YOUUUU????? TELL ME EVERYTHING 😜😜😜😜😜

i have an obsession with these emojis i find them so funny

also my niece/cousin idk but she’s so like… IDKKK- she’s middle school high school age but i feel like i’m just on a whole different planet bc she’s so into everything like i need to keep up frrr

ANYWAY

make sure to drink lots of water and eat lots of good foodss- i love youuu 😜💓💓💓💓❤️❤️❤️‼️‼️‼️

also congrats on your blog growth! you deserve it fr

I got a bunch of nct random texts that I'm gonna post soon 🤪 but I gotta make some enhypen ones too cause my master list is lookin a little biased 😅

ahh thank you! i gotta hurry and get more kpop tattoos because my mom has more than me (she has two bts tattoos and wants a txt one)

i was terrified of needles but i had to get a bunch of blood work done when i was younger, so i’m a pro now 😤😤

if my partner had and tattoos i would color them in with markers if they had black and white ones

life’s been pretty boring for me too that’s actually why i made this account cause i used to have a tumblr way back and post on it but it became too hectic with my schedule…so i deleted it. but now i’m not really doing anything i love how hectic i post!! it gives me something to do and look forward to

i’m also in a friend group of 3 💀 but mine is kinda rocky because the other two always fight and im in the middle sometimes… but i love both of them and one of them might read this 🤪🤪

i still have lunch with them every other day in school but one of them is going to a different school and im gonna make sure we don’t drift apart 😤😤

most of my hobbies involve technology lol…

i like to make random webpages and of course video games, mostly sims or acnh.

But i love scrapbooking and i know a lot of people do it online now but nothing beats cutting up pictures and gluing it to a cute notebook or having a pen pal and decorating my letters

also photocard trading is fun and helps keep me busy

i’m glad the mil apologized because no one wants bad blood in a new marriage!!

i love using emoji’s because i don’t wanna sound boring when i’m writing and i can only use “T^T” so much

SAME! my cousin is younger than me and she makes me feel so old even tho i’m young! but she talks about tiktokers and celebrities i have no clue who they are nd half of the words she says, i’m like what?

tysm!! i’m surprised on how well my blog is doing, I love how many people have reach out to talk to me! It means a lot 😩❣️

don’t skip a meal!! 🥰🫶

[ravenkinnie]

silco's corpse ask anon here. i knew i went to the right blog to ask that bcs i did not want a normal answer and you delivered adkdkdl ive always appreciated your unhinged but deep view on jinx and arcane characters that i dont often see muchwhere else

jinx taxidermifying silco is a deranged idea i love it😭 fr tho, the more jinx loves you, the freakier her methods get to keep you in her life and she's so endearing for that.

also we need that cannibalism fic pretty pretty pls-

HSGDBSH one thing about me!!! I love weird and macabre and death is one of my special interests and I'm always willing to give an abnormal answer!! jinx is a character that is so good to be absolutely insane with, she works so well with abusing taboos and boundaries and I appreciate that about her character sm. I'm unhinged and so is she and I think everyone should be so that's the only takes you'll get out of me xjshjdjs

the taxidermy thing is so deranged I'm so obsessed with the idea, shout out to my mutuals who brought it up hdhdhsj like you talk about keepsakes and dolls but what if she just kept him and completely lost touch with reality. like her idea of keeping vi was putting her in a fucked up family dinner scenario and telling her to murder her three day fling yall can't tell me I shouldn't make her more depraved. I imagine she would do something like it, whether it's taxidermy or a doll dhdhsjjsjs both as punishment for herself and reminder of her failures but also as a comfort item because he's still there. imagine a horror scenario where vi somehow finds it and she's confronted with how much Jinx is lost to her because she can't understand her and can only accepted that her sister has gone off the deep end and thats all she'll ever get and also that jinx might kill her and taxidermy her too <3

hshdhdhsh maybe if I rework it bc it was written with the idea that it will never see the light of day. and also I have to consider that arcane fandom is very mild and someone might doxx me for it <3