#“prepares myself for any hate on this post or my in box​“

[horanghaeluvsinniehae]

Stray kids hanahaki disease I don't care if reader has it or if the boys have it and I don't care if it is pure angst or angst and fluff just hanahaki disease I beg of you

《masterlist》

Pairing: Hyunjin x gn!reader

Disclaimer: 2,4k words mention of food, kisses usual author's notetell me if I missed anything else please!

His hanahaki disease

Hyunjin sighed one last time and neatly closed the envelope with your address on it. He slipped it into the post office’s red sender box, then the boy spun around and returned to his dorm with a heavy heart. He knew that it would take over a week before the mailman dropped the letter into your mailbox, but still, he preferred that, to giving it to you himself.

On his way home he was thinking about ways he could give you more hints about his intentions. He didn’t know if he was just too subtle with them or you don’t have any interest in him, and he hated the feeling of not knowing things, so he wrote a letter about his feelings and just everything that came to his mind about his crush. He needs to start taking action now, so to encourage that he made this letter to make him confess sooner or later.

Stepping into the dorm with an unusual small pout which didn’t go unnoticed by his friends.

Jisung was the first one to see him arrive and immediately knew what the pout could be about. He stood up and went over to his friend. Hyunjin pulled him into a hug as soon as he noticed Han.

The younger sympathetically rubbed his back. “Y/n?” Jisung asked. Hyunjin just nodded and with one last squeeze, he let go of his dongsaeng and sighed. “I need to pull myself together because at this point I'm just overreacting this whole situation…my mind has been occupied by them for a long time and I feel like it's just killing me now…” “I wouldn’t say you're overreacting, but yeah, you’ve been pining after them for at least two years now and that's a long time.” Jisung smiled sadly at Hyune. “Soon you’ll be coughing up flowers like the people in Minho hyung’s manga, if you don’t do something about this, Hyung.” At that, the other scoffed and smiled lightly. Jisung could always lighten the mood up at least a little bit. “I told you about my ‘last try letter’, no?” Although Jisung was a bit confused at first he nodded. “Well, I just dropped it off at the post office.” Han nodded understandingly and patted Hyunjin’s shoulder in a manner of comfort.

Later that day the others decided to go out for kbbq and bowling because they had tomorrow off and wanted to be with each other. Hyunjin was glad they had a small break, even if it was just a day because he could spend some quality time with his members.

Chan drove their part of the dorm to the restaurant while Minho did the same to his flatmates. They gathered around their reserved table and it didn't take long for one of them to notice that the table was set for nine people, not eight.

“Hey Jeonginah! You were the one who called in to make the reservation right?” Changbin asked, confused and his bandmate nodded his head. “Did you say table for nine people?” At that the maknae's mouth made an ‘o’ shape. “Oh yeah I invited y/n because we haven't seen them in a while and I thought you guys would enjoy the plus company! They're gonna be a bit late though.” Jeongin said cheerfully and everyone smiled at the mention of your name except him. Hyunjin choked on his own saliva a bit and mentally prepared himself to see you.

It's not that he doesn't wanna be with you, not at all! He loves spending time with you, but in the last couple of days he'd been overwhelmed with his feelings and thoughts about you. Him not knowing in advance that he's going to see you after a week made him anxious. Although the thought of being around you makes his heart beat a lot faster, it's also filled with warmth.

His train of thoughts had been cut off when the boys around him all stood up and happily started greeting you. The sight immediately brought a smile to his face and he stood up as well to greet you.

The only open space was directly in front of Hyunjin, next to Jeongin and Lino. You sat down with a big smile that Hyune couldn't help but reciprocate.

Thanks to the amount of soju he has chugged,he was much more bold and flirty the whole night.

He did things like, he picked out the best-looking meat and put it on the grill and cooked it as well as his cooking abilities let him and then put it on your plate telling you he cooked it for you and that he wants you to rate his cooking. He was absolutely ecstatic when you told him that it was really really nice and of course he made more for you!

He was also pouting and sulky when Lino made a joke that caused everyone to laugh very hard, but he didn't laugh anymore when he noticed how you were clinging to Minho and slightly hitting him while laughing while Lino had to put an arm around your waist because you would have fallen off your seat. All he saw was his hyung trying to steal his crush.

After Chan insisted on paying for you and the boys’ dinner, even though you begged him to stop spending money on you, you all went to the bowling alley part of the restaurant and rented two lanes. Everyone ordered drinks again and you started the games.

You split into two teams:Chan, Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin. The other team was: Minho, Jisung, Changbin and Felix.

You didn’t play because your wrist has been hurting for a long time now and you didn't want to make it worse, but you had just as much fun watching the boys as they did while playing!

Still trying hard, Hyunjin looked at you with a confident smile. “This one's for you y/nah!” If you hadn't been so oblivious of the boy's intentions, you would have seen the heart eyes he was sending to you. After that confident statement, he chucked his ball into the gutters which resulted in hyena-like laughter from the others. Doing the walk of shame back to the sofa you were sitting on, not giving any fucks anymore, he sat down next to you and put his head on your shoulder, cuddling into your side. He sighed big and loud and hugged your torso. “It was supposed to be an epic strike y/nah I'm sorry.” He mumbled devastated. You just smiled down at him chuckling, and rubbed his back. “Hey don't be sad about it! It's going to be your turn soon after Seungmin again and you can have another try!” You tried to comfort him. He looked up at you and nodded, encouraged by your words he stood up and prepared himself to show you a good one this time.

After Seungmin's bad turn, Hyunjin picked up a ball (unintentionally being your favourite colour) he looked at you once again, took a deep breath and swung his ball into the direction of the pins. The ball landed on the lane perfectly and knocked all of them down beautifully!

You jumped up from your seat happily and Hyunjin quickly ran to you to celebrate, hugging you and jumping up and down with you. What you didn't expect was for Hyune to suddenly stop and look at you with an expression you haven't seen before. Shyly smiles at you and leans down to connect your lips. You were so taken aback you didn't even realise you were kissing him back.

It was such a soft kiss and such an unexpected action that you forgot that your friends were all in the same room.

After he pulled away, his eyes grew wide and he quickly ran away to the direction of the toilet.

“Finally!” Jisung said loudly and ran over to you happily. On the other hand you still haven't processed what just happened.

“Y/nah are you alright?” Lix came over to you and rubbed your back to ground you. “Y-yeah I'm alright I'm just shocked he did that.” “Is it a bad shock or a good shock?” Felix asked back, concerned. “I think it's a good shock!” You said after a bit and smiled up at your friend. “But can you please check up on Hyune?” You asked, realising that he wasn't around you anymore. “Of course, stay here and gather your thoughts and feelings while I get him!” You nodded to him and sat down while he ran off the same direction Hyunjin did.

You looked over to see what the others were up to and saw Chan already staring at you with a worried face. He held up his thumb in a way to ask if everything's okay. You smiled back softly and held up your thumbs as well. You saw the relieved smile on his face before he went back to make his turn.

As you were zoning out, looking at the others goofing around, your brain started to realise what just really happened. You never thought of Hyunjin as more than a friend, but thinking about it now you didn't feel disgusted about the kiss, hell you enjoyed it a lot!! It was so sweet and caring but passionate at the same. You wanted to experience that again!

Just as you slowly came to the conclusion that you actually really liked and enjoyed the idea of Hyunjin liking you and him being your boyfriend, he and Felix came out of the washroom. The younger whispered something in his ear and smiled at him, he left him alone to make his way to you while Lix went back to his team.

Even though both of you were tipsy you could still see how nervous Hyunjin was as he was walking towards you. Your heart started to beat faster the closer he got.

When he made it to the sofa he sat down silently stealing glances at you. Bit of an awkward silence was created,but it didn't last long.

“Y/nah-” “Jinnie-” You both started to talk at the same time, which made you laugh and that made him feel a bit more at ease to see that you're okay. “Go first, Jinnie.” You suggested and looked at him softly, encouraged him. He took a deep breath and scooted closer to you.

“Okay um first of all I wanted to say how sorry I am for what happened and for um doing it without your consent and just the whole situation was very much not how I had planned…” He looked down feeling ashamed by saying this out loud. “Do you regret it?” Was all you asked. He looked up at you and started deeply into your eyes. You could basically see all his thoughts and hesitation flying around. “I'd lie if I said I did…honestly it's not the kiss itself that I regret, but rather how I had done it.” He says and looks at you with the eyes of a kicked puppy. “That's good then because I don't regret it at all…if I can tell this to you I liked it a lot.” You answer him with rosy cheeks and a shy smile. He took your hand and caressed the back of it softly. “Yeah? I'm happy if you're okay with it!!” He smiled at you sweetly. “Although I wasn't expecting it, like at all, but it was a pleasant surprise! What confuses me though, is that I don't know if it was just a drunken mistake or if you…actually like me.” You chuckled nervously, feeling embarrassed. “What?? I thought it was very obvious that I like you and have been liking you for a long while now…I just believed that you didn't reciprocate the feeling and didn't want to confront me about it, because you didn't want to make things uncomfortable or awkward between us…” Hyunjin looked away from you but then looked right back when you squeezed his hand.

“Although I didn't really realise that I like you more than just a friend ‘till now, I wasn't aware of your feelings Jinnie, I thought you were just touchy with me and stuff like that because you got as comfortable around me as around the others, I'm sorry.” You tell him the truth while holding his hands tighter. “Y/nah you shouldn't be apologising! But does that mean that you like me back…?” “Honestly yes! I'm a bit overwhelmed with emotions right now, but I can truly say that I like you Jinnie…a lot to be honest.” You confess sheepishly to him.

“Soo if I were to ask you out on a date, then you would say yes?” “Oh my! Yeah definitely!!” You answered him happily and he hugged you tight, but this time it was just a cheerful peck on the lips.

A bit more than a week later you invited Jinnie to your flat. Even though both of you were exhausted you still wanted to spend time with each other and just relax.

So that's why you two were cuddled up on the couch watching Friends because apparently he hasn't seen it! There was a scene involving a post office that reminded you of something. You chuckled about it looking up at your now boyfriend, waiting for him to notice you staring. “What is it, love?” He asks, looking at you all lovey dovey. “You know this scene reminded me that there was a letter in my mailbox this morning.” You smile at him cheekily.

You could literally see the gears shifting in his head, then comes the realisation. Eyes wide as his ears and cheek turns to a soft pink shade. “Oh my god, I totally forgot about that…” He replies, facepalming. “It was such a cute way to start my day!” You coo about his little confession letter. “Gosh it's so embarrassing now!” He whines and hides his face in the crook of your neck. “Nooo Jinnie! It was very sweet and it doesn't matter because we're together now aren't we?.” You smile at him softly and when he lifts up his head he gives you a soft kiss.

A kiss that could tell you how grateful he is to have you, to be able to call you his and for him to be yours.

You might be going too fast, but you can already feel yourself falling in love with him.

A/n: Hi guys!! I hope this was good and you enjoyed it! I hope you liked it @kaiyaba and thank you for requesting!! I was surprised how much I wrote, this was the most I've written ever I think but I really liked it!! I hope you guys like it too and if you do please give me feedbacks because it motivates me a lot!<3

Also if you have any ideas please do request because I need them a lot!!!

Be safe and take care of yourself please!🫂❤️‍🩹

Taglist:@justwonder113 @ihrtlix @mon2sunjinsuver (if you want to get added/removed comment or write in asks)

[w0w0zella]

um hello!!! im gonna be making a. bugbo murderstuck au Masterpost of sorts! I guess! ill format it like a q&a but im making up some of these questions myself. So lets get into it :3

this is a really long post! b careful :3

"what is murderstuck?" murderstuck is a Bugbo AU that made/am making (complicated wip status lol)! its a story that takes place a month and a bit after the events of familiar foe. Very long story short, gerbo ends up getting killed (on accident), joe then kills bugbo (On purpose) and joe seeks out thomas flyswatter for help. i have a post here that goes more into the story if you'd like to see it! vvv https://www.tumblr.com/w0w0zella/728157783124574208/ill-post-these-together-awawy-from-the-rest-of-the?source=share 

currently it is a well defined plot line that i and a couple other people have made art for,, and a work in progress fanfiction!

"why is it called "murderstuck"?"

murderstuck is actually (Believe it or not lol) a Homestuck thing! murderstuck is a specific part in act 5 act 2 of homestuck where one character kills someone and then someone else kills THEM, so i was like  Fuck yeah that makes total sense for this au. In all honesty, i just called it that cuz i needed a name to jump back to in discord for easy finding and it. Stuck i guess GIGGLES lol.

i am currently.  Semi looking for new name suggestions! so if anyone has any ideas !!!   Tell me !! Please !! I have No idea!! ((by the way, because murderstuck is already technically a thing, you need to tag murderstuck posts with #bugbo murderstuck or #bugbo murderstuck au or else it will be drowned out by all the homestuck art :3

(question by geluga on discord) "where did joe get his cleaver ? is it the same way he just happened to have an axe in episode 2 or is it from something else?"

yeah no i didnt really think out him having a meat cleaver lol. lets say thaat. umm. He got it becuase he was preparing bugbo a Yummy Meal (Steak is his Favourite or some  shit idk) !!!

i do NOT rmember why i gave him a meat cleaver aswell. If you want a Good answer, the reason i gave him a meat cleaver and not his Trusty Axe is because his axe would have been far too dull and bulky to slit bugbos throat. if you want the TRUE answer Its because i forgot he had an axe at all and thought the meat cleaver would look cool

(question by onyx on discord) "did gj feel bad after The thing or did he feel like totally justified"

AMAZING QUESTION !!!! Gradient Joe feels EXTREME remorse. of course when he looks back on it he knows why he did it, but if we're being completely honest; bugbo was immobilized. he did not need to kill bugbo. if he had killed him while bugbo was choking him, that would be a different story. but he killed him while he was backed up into a tree, immobilized and begging for his life.

he feels extremely bad ! Very extremely bad!

(question from ANON in my ASK BOX) "DUDE I LOVE YOUR AU SM RAUGHHHHH also question uhh where is hoppo in the au? we havent really heard about her"

So. During the events of this au. she is. away. like she usually is. Dont really know where! Shopping at grocery market. back at war. lost at sea. you decide. (More info on hoppo in the next question

(question by kets on discord) "uuhhmmmm what is the absolute WORST ending this au could have realistically?????????? like if it didn't end whene thomas was ocmforting joe idk :3333333"

OKAY i coudl see this one of a couple ways. First way is, bugbo wins. bugbo succeeds in choking joe to death, And now he is alone (til hoppo gets back) i said this one first cuz its probably not the worst possible thing, but i think it would be pretty terrible!

second worst would be if Joe waited for hoppo to come back instead of going to thomas for help. In my humble opinion, i think that hoppo is very stubborn and VERY loyal. so. (to me at least) it stands to reason that if hoppo came back, she would side with bugbo VERY hard. she would probably fucking hate joes guts, and that would be the worst  thing for him after everything he already went through. Maybe they would Fight too idk…

Very first worst would be if joe just straight up killed himself after killing bugbo. I could see this as a thing he contemplated, but if he actually went through with it?  Oh my god Fucking imagine. all of there corpses there for hoppo to find when she comes back. Thomas rotting away in his lair without anyone to talk to (and without knowledge of bugbos death) for years? Devastating.

other notable endings include Joe OR bugbo Killing themselves directly after gerbos death, hoppo ending up killing joe out of anger when she comes back, Or (In a silly alternate universe that We made on Disc Ord…) bugbo comes BACK to life and DRAGS himself to go kill joe HIMSELF!!!!!!

(question by DEMO on DISCORD) "is gradient joe book smart or money smart" i am going to kill myself and its your fault i think. never speak to me again (Joke)

NOTABLE INFORMATION:

as stated before, you need to tag murderstuck posts with #bugbo murderstuck or #bugbo murderstuck au or else it will be drowned out by Homestuck stuff !! i want to see all of your art and things!! Thank you!!

you are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WELCOMED AND ENCOURAGED to make stuff surrounding this au! Please Please Show It To Me!!!

if you are drawing During Fight or. During Murdering bugbo or joe, here are some things to note! - bugbo attempts to choke joe to death during a part in the fight, and he almost succeds! This causes Permanent scarring on gradient joes neck, and scratch marks all over bugbos arms from joe clawing at them!!!

- joe ends the fight with his shirt partially open and his tie missing!

- joe breaks bugbos right leg! there is a noticable gash on his inner right knee!

- joe kills bugbo by slitting his throat with a meat cleaver!- after joe is done, he drags bugbos body over to where gerbo died! (he was crushed by the fallen Stone Structure!)

thank you all so much for the love and support with this au It means so much to me. thank you from the botom of my hart.  IF YOU HAVE ANY COOL IDEAS, MORE QUESTIONS, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA SHOW/TELL ME, MY MESSAGES AND ASK BOX ARE ALWAYS OPEN!!!!!!

[inexplicablymine]

@welcometololaland you have DONE IT AGAIN. bows down.

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more).

I am humbly here to present my ABSOLUTELY insane WIP list for the Firstprince fandom and tell you a little more about them!

(Also to those who asked about WIP’s in my inbox those answers are coming ~ if anyone has any more questions or wants more ask box is open! I’ll be answering all of those tomorrow instead of (or with) Seven Sentence Sunday!)

Thank you to @welcometololaland for ANOTHER amazing weekend game truly a blast. To @kiwiana-writes @daisymae-12 @orchidscript @happiness-of-the-pursuit @gay-flyboys @rockyroadkylers and @anincompletelist for the tags I LOVED reading all of your words and answers.

If you have prepared yourself, then forge on ;)

1. WIP List

- The Firstprince Files

- The Ties That Bond Us

- Super Six and the Siren’s Call

- Looking for Orion

- Balls to the Wall

- Fifteen Hours Till Forever

- Watermelon Sugar

- Mr. Party Hardy (Mr. Bodypillow AU)

- Mr. Move It Move It (Mr Bodypillow AU)

- Mr. Massage (Mr. Bodypillow AU)

- S.M.U.T.

- No Laughing Matter

- Sweater Weather

- Ground(s) Up

- Delilah

- Minty Fresh

- Beast I’m an Animal

- Mind Over Matter

- [Switchback]

- [World Cup AU]

- [Orchestra AU]

- [Yoga AU]

- [Rugby Video AU]

- [Star Trek AU]

- [Oxford Slut Era AU]

- [Model/mistaken identity AU]

- [Pomodoro Method AU]

And probably more but that’s enough for now lmao

2. Which of your WIP’s is currently the longest?

Definitely Super Six and the Sirens Call. Currently at 48K but over the next two months I think a few of my other multichaps will also match it for length.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest

The Firstprince Files. The outline for it is 37 chapters long and the first two chapters that are written are clocking in at about 13K right now.

4. Which WIP is your favorite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Going to go for broke here ~ my co-writes (Super Six and the Sirens Call w/ @read-and-write- and @happiness-of-the-pursuit, [Switchback] w/ @celaestis1, Watermelon Sugar w/ @heybuddy-drabbles, and S.M.U.T. with @affectionatelyrs) have been a BLAST. The words flow, I'm obsessed with the stories, getting to read others words and then add your own and make good soup will always be fun.

Outside of my cowrites? … hmmmm honestly I am obsessed with mystery and plotting out The Firstprince Files was truly a delight, but I enjoy writing all of my fics otherwise I wouldn’t write them.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

The Ties That Bond Us. It’s a Bond/Q actor AU and there are already SO MANY great ones (and ones being written), and there is an extensive amount of epistolary writing that comes from different authors of articles and media works that need to have a distinct voice in order for the work to really work. I don’t know if I even have a distinct writing voice let alone if I can wear the masks of a bunch of other voices in a convincing way.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

Whichever one is currently being written/focused on/about to be posted? It’s not a one size fits all answer, but at the moment I’m writing this it’s my Halloween Huh fic. It’s done and posted- ready to be revealed. I made myself go read it out loud one last time to hear it back (newsflash I hate doing this but I still do it because it helps) and that just made me doubt everything hahaha.

7. Which of your WIP’s will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

All of them. I always have a beta, I am incapable of posting a non beta’d work I have too much anxiety about it. The Firstprince Files deals with some much heavier themes so I will likely want a sensitivity reader there for those, and Super Six and the Sirens Call has quite a bit of Spanish in it that we have beta’s checking on.

8. Have any of your WIP’s been struck by the curse of writers block?

Yes this is why I have so many … (joking). Yes and no. I will just power through to write a bad section to have words on the page and then come back to fix them later which helps. I have a focused few WIP's that I work on at a time (small rotation inside the big rotation). The rest of these have an outline and a doc and at least a little bit written, but will not receive heavy work on them until I go through what’s first on my internal fic calendar.

What is in the current small rotation? SSASC, Looking for Orion, Watermelon Sugar, [Switchback}, Minty Fresh, my Mr. BodyPillow follow ups, and The Ties That Bond Us is my Nano project this November.

9. Which WIP has your favorite OC? Tell us about them?

At this moment Watermelon Sugar which is a co-write threesome for Threesgiving with @heybuddy-drabbles. Our third member of the threesome is AMAZING and we love them so much and we are very very excited for them to come into everyone else’s world as well.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

This is a toss up between [Switchback], [World Cup AU], Watermelon Sugar, and [Pomodoro Method]. We will see when they are finished what I think really takes the cake there.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

I mean chapter two of Looking for Orion, but The Firstprince Files has quite a bit of angst. I don’t really write a lot of heavy angst or I haven’t yet we will see if the reception to LFO changes the tide there.

12. Which WIP has the best characterization (in your humble opinion)?

Looking for Orion at the moment, but I’m really hoping that Mind Over Matter takes that one when I have more written on it.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

Oh my, Super Six and the Sirens Call has quest locations that change in a rotation. Truly I can't tell you more but it is SO FUN truly so fun. The Ties That Bond Us also just is jet-setting movie stars in Bond movie locations, stunt training, doing interviews in wild places, and campaigns in larger than life locations. So that is ridiculously fun to write and I hope it is just as fun to read.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Super Six and the Sirens Call. This work has a promo schedule there is art being made, there are docs linked within docs. When I say this became a big brained thing it’s a big brained thing.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

I try not to ever have expectations, it’s better that way I find ~ but based on reaction and excitement (my irl bookclub today made me promise to send them a link) I would say Super Six and the Sirens Call. Outside of that I just hope that if one person likes it then it is doing it’s job which is to create joy. (but internally we all have those fics that we hope do a little better than others for one reason or another. My Mr. Bodypillow follow ups I hope people enjoy, my two longer Multichapter works I am deeply attached to, and Looking for Orion I am currently a bit obessed with and I hope others get obsessed with it too.)

16. Do you dream about any of your WIP’s?

NO I DONT DREAM BUT @happiness-of-the-pursuit LITERALLY DREAMED ABOUT ONE OF MINE THIS WEEK SO I'M COUNTING IT.

17. Do any of your WIP’s have any particular complexities that your other fics don’t?

[Orchestra AU] is meant to be read at pace with the classical pieces that are titled in the top of the chapter which is fun and funky but is going to make pacing HARD. Because people read at different times. + that posting schedule is supposed to mimic the NYC philharmonic concert series performance schedule.

The Firstprince Files has a lot of real world implications for the characters as it is a suspense mystery novel that requires so much research on realistically how things might work or play out.

The Ties That Bond Us is going to have SO Much coding in it for the media chapters and I am now thinking I’m going to do art for it which rip me I guess (hahaha).

[Switchback] has a lot of POV changes which requires a delicate hand to know when to stop and start a perspective

Mind over Matter and No Laughing Matter are meant to be laugh out loud funny and I’m going to need help with both of them for that … truly

A lot of the one shots I struggle with because I want to give the story enough depth while still not expanding them into multichapter works, which is something I struggle with.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humor?

Reiterating above, Mind over Matter and No Laughing Matter for sure.

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

Super Six and the Siren’s Call DOES and it’s SO FUN. Truly it has been a BLAST To get into the heads of these other characters, and flesh out how they see the main ship as well.

The Ties That Bond Us, every other chapter is an outside POV from the media perspective which as I mentioned earlier creates a lot of work for voice and structure.

20. Tell us one thing we don’t know about one or more of your WIPs.

Hmmm some super fast fun ones

- 14 of the WIP’s on this list are MultiChap works

- 4 of them are co-authored works

- The Firstprince Files has been outlined since February of this year and The Ties That Bond Us has been outlined since March. (They are my oldest outlined works but they are also long works).

- 6 of these works are my FirstPrinceWeek works that I will still publish. I got sick and had an “AO3 author note” standard few weeks which put me behind. I do have one FPW fic published so far.

- Balls to the Wall started after a conversation about how criminal it is that Starbucks doesn’t sell the "Off menu but actually on menu now because it is in the app" Medicine Ball Tea in take home form so you can make it yourself when you are sick.

- All of these are for Firstprince but I now have an IRL who told me TODAY that she wants me to write Tarlos so I better get started on finishing all of these.

- [Rugby Video AU] and Ground(s) Up are both based on TikTok’s that I saw and immediately went "ahhhh yes that’s firstprince."

- All of my Mr. BodyPillow follow up’s will have “Mr.” In the name, and the title of the collection is Mr. Ace Alex, though there is a bit of a push for me to rename it the snerdle collection.

- My ask box is open if you want to ask about any of my WIP's :)

And now I will be tagging my entire moot list because I have too many WIP’s (jk but … prepare for the wall of tags) there is no pressure here but this has been a DELIGHT to read through everyone’s and I want to read about a million more!

@affectionatelyrs @historicallysam @rmd-writes @treluna4 @cheesecurdsgravyandfries @cha-melodius @arand0mdutchgirl @adreamareads @vonpeepsisback @clottedcreamfudge @cityofdownwardspirals @14carrotghoul @cricketnationrise @myheartalivewrites @xthelastknownsurvivorx @mudbloodpotter05 @everwitch-magiks @leaves-of-laurelin @celeritas2997 @athousandrooms @smc-27 @three-drink-amy @sprigsofviolets @heartitinthesilence @sherryvalli @weighty-ghosts @heybuddy-drabbles @read-and-write- @raysletters @thesleepyskipper @kill8a @babiemonk @suseagull04

[western-magical-girl-confessions]

*Sigh…*

Hello everyone. I apologize for disappearing for a while. I know I promised to finish all the confessions and close them indefinitely, but with everything that has been going on in the past few months, I have just been reflecting a lot. After much consideration, I have made a decision:

On January 2, 2024, I am considering deleting this blog.

So with this said, I guess you might be wondering why, Well, I'll list the reasons. Been doing so for this long right?

I had been hesitant to admit it, but after some contemplation, I have come to the realization that this blog is becoming a negative experience for me. I've had to make confessions that I don't agree with and deal with anonymous hate for sharing confessions that I didn't even write. Trying to please everyone has also affected my own beliefs. Additionally, the lack of western magical girl shows has resulted in repetitive confessions. It's unfortunate, but my feelings about this blog may continue to fluctuate.

From then till now, I always said that not all the confessions made were by me, but I do admit that some of them were my own. I just want to be honest with all of you. I'm not proud of some of the confessions I made. Some aged like milk. Even though I know that I may still come across certain confessions that leave a bad taste in my mouth to this day, I just want to leave this part of my life behind me.

I have been a fan of several TV series, such as Miraculous Ladybug, She-Ra, Equestria Girls, My Little Pony, many others. However, some of the fans of these shows have given me negative experiences that I don't want to remember. Sometimes, reading these confessions reminds me of those bad experiences. Hence, I want to move on and forget about them. Nevertheless, I will cherish the good memories that these shows and their fandom have given me.

I need assurance that I won't be able to access this blog again, in case I give in to the temptation of making confessions once more. My desire is to move on and channel my energy towards other productive activities that will benefit me in my life. This has been a long-term aspiration for me, which I didn't do entirely.

I know I've said this countless times in the past, but I'll say this for the final time. I'm dealing with personal things that are just a real ongoing struggle, and I want to focus all my time and energy on them. Running this blog has started to feel like a chore, and I believe I've gotten all the satisfaction from it that I wanted.

Also, I've thought about moving on to focus on more original projects. I don't want to completely share these ideas publicly yet, but I've been having some ideas in mind.

Lastly, I'm just tired of constantly having to explain myself. I know that I don't owe anyone an explanation and I am not obligated to keep this blog active, but I did. I did it because I genuinely cared about you all and wanted to create something fun for fans of the magical girl genre. I wanted to provide a platform for others to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of being canceled. Unfortunately, I no longer want to do this…

Sorry guys for the redundant posts lol Let's just hope that this will be the last one until this blog closes (or goes inactive indefinitely). There’s no guarantee that I will delete this blog, but I’m just saying prepare for the possibility in the future. So if there’s anything that you would like to save or archive, then now’s the time to do so. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to finish the remaining confessions in the box or not, because there's a strong possibility that I'll delete this blog anyway.

So if anyone has any thoughts or ideas or anything, feel free to say so. I have to admit, I'm going to miss this blog, but this is probably for the best.

Thanks again guys, and as always, stay magical.

If you wish to reach me (the mod), my main account is @misssakurapetal27

[redux-sikfox]

Dunno how to start this post off, so I guess Happy Pride Month! And this post is just like... About me? No rhyme or reason or explanations. Just talking to myself really.

Guess I can start off saying I'm AFAB and have been attracted to men for most of my life. Started off in high school, not knowing why I was intimidating and not being the target of people's affection outside of friendship. To thinking relationships were a lot of hard work, but was still kinda sad not ever being included. Or not really having a connection with my friends because everyone was dating someone so I didn't have that core experience that people could talk about and share stories with.

Graduated and started working, and found that people actually found me attractive. School just wasn't a good space for that kind of thing for me because I was a quiet weeb who liked to ignore everyone and listen to music, and also had no sense in fashion. Now I'm testing out new fashion (as much as I can with a dress-code at work) and seeing what I like.

Then, slowly realizing that I was ace because a lot of the guys who were interested in me kinda just wanted to hook up, and I wasn't down with that. Which got me called 'she's secretly a man' by a lot of guys at work. Then I got confused about being Ace for awhile because I like to write smut a lot, though I tend to write mostly MLM. So then I worried if I was fetishizing gay men. So I toned it down a lot. Around this time, "Fetishizing" was huge and everyone was pointing fingers for dumb reasons, so I shoved that part of me down except for in certain groups where I felt like I was safe.

Two jobs later and I hear about people becoming trans more often. Never thought it would be me, though I've hated my body since I was 16. I just didn't connect the dots that there were people out there who hated their bodies/gender just like me who could do something about it. But surgeries scare me so I figured, I'm not trans. Trans are for people who can get those surgeries, and medication, and who look like the gender they want to be. But I still wasn't happy being me. So I figured I was agender or non-binary.

Nowadays, I know that that's not how it works. And you can still be trans without getting any of that stuff. And me being attracted to men? Turns out, I'm just attracted to masculine people. Men, women, in between. And that attraction made me want to be masc too. Found that out sometime last year into this one. I'm in my 30s now.

Straight logic says that I'm still a woman because my body hasn't changed and I'm still attracted to men. But pride logic states that I am whatever I wanna be; to be comfortable in my own skin, and I think I'd rather listen to that than be forced into a box. Labels can be confusing. So just be what you want to be. You don't have to prepare a speech. You don't have to justify anything. And things will change as you grow. You could be one thing one year, and something completely different in the next.

So in the end, I guess those guys at work were right. I am a man. And being attracted to other men/masculine people, I would have never dated any of those bumpkin fucks. And I still write my MLM smut. Though I am trying to branch out a bit. Not because I'm worried about what other people think anymore, but because I'm learning new things and testing what I like.

Still very ace right now. And that's okay. My writing lets me live through whatever I think I want without the commitment or ordeal of being with someone. But that may change in the future too. I won't know til it happens. There's literally no rush. I might go back to being non-binary one day, who's to say? No one knows. Not even me. I like being a safe space for people, and I've had thoughts about that. If I commit to being a guy, will that scare certain people away that would have felt more comfortable with me if I was a woman or neutral?

I have a lot of thoughts about these types of things. But I think it's important to prioritize yourself first before others. Because if they don't think I'm good enough, they can always find others that meet that criteria. I think I'm good enough, and I have a lot of friends who think the same. I'm like a special interest only few people have, ya know? And I think a lot of people fall under that. You won't be palatable for everyone, and that's okay.

[veronicaphoenix]

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: angst, sickness, best friends’ comfort, alcohol intake, implied depression. | Word count: 3.5k | Cross posted on AO3. | Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

Over the past two hours, my fever had spiked, signaling that I was getting worse. 

Although I had enjoyed a good night's sleep, as soon as I woke up, an unexpected wave of fatigue enveloped me. This sensation was different from the occasional bouts of coughing that would sporadically afflict me. 

By mid-morning, it became evident that I had caught some viral infection. 

As the day unfolded, my throat began to ache, and by lunchtime, my condition had deteriorated to the point where I couldn't muster the energy to prepare a meal. With Jolly off exploring San Francisco with friends from Sweden and Jesse away on tour with ERRA, I was alone, left to mend for myself.  

Struggling through a meager breakfast, I made it to noon feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. 

I lay on the couch with the back of my right hand on my forehead. I was sure I had a fever, but I didn't have a thermometer to confirm it. If Lia had been home, we probably would have had a box with one and some medicines, as had been the case when we lived together during our early twenties. Since she had moved into her apartment and Jolly, Jesse, and I had moved into a slightly smaller house, there were aspects of my life that had been somewhat neglected, and having medication at home just in case was one of them.

Lia was the one always ready and prepared to deal with any inconvenience and unexpected event. That’s why some times, besides managing the merch, she also helped with the logistic aspects of the band. She helped in the coordination of transportation, accommodations, and venue bookings, ensuring everything was in order. 

During times like these, I longed to call her for comfort and assistance. I knew she would be able to alleviate my discomfort. However, those days seemed to be a relic of the past. Lia was now committed to a relationship with Mitch, and she had started spending more and more time in his house, which signaled that this was more serious than I had hoped. 

I hesitated to reach out to her, afraid of intruding in whatever she was doing or, worse, being ignored. I would feel like shit knowing that she was with another man to whom she was giving more priority than me. I knew that she was in her own right and these feelings of mine were unnecesary, but I couldn’t help them. I knew she was at Mitch’s place. They had been together for over a year, but I was still not used to sharing her. Well, not that exactly. I wasn’t used to letting her go. I hated having to restrain myself every time I wanted her company. 

For all those reason, I eventually sent her a text message. I anxiously waited for the blue ticks that indicated she had received and read my words to appear in the screen. 

"I think I caught something. I feel like crap, and I don't even have a thermometer. Can you come by and grab something from the pharmacy on the way?"

She replied not later than fifteen minutes. 

“What’s wrong?”

“No idea. A virus, I guess. I feel powerless, my head feels heavy, and I think I have a fever.”

“Give me thirty minutes. I’ll be on my way.”

With the relief of knowing she would be here in less than half hour, I closed my eyes, reclining myself on the sofa. 

I drifted into a sort of dreamy trance, a state that blurred the lines between reality and the dream world. The urban symphony of cars passing by, a few people chatting, and an occasional dog barking felt like a distant backdrop. Although the house maintained an ideal temperature, my body stubbornly swung between feeling freezing cold one moment and uncomfortably hot the next.

By the time Lia showed up, I had already put on and taken off my sweatshirt more times than I could count. I greeted her at the door, and there she stood with a bag full of medicine and food. Despite the weariness also apparent in her eyes and the dark circles beneath them, to me Lia was a a ray of sunshine breaking through days of darkness.

As she entered, I couldn't help but smile. Lia dropped her backpack and stood on her tiptoes to peck my cheek. The gesture was met with a fit of coughing that made my shoulders shake. Lia shot a worried glance over her shoulder as she placed the supplies on the kitchen island. I closed the door.

"You look paler than usual," she observed, concern etched on her face. Before taking off her jacket, she returned to me, gently touching my cheek with one hand and then placing the back of her hand against my forehead. "And you're hot."

“Thanks,” I replied, smiling widely. 

She frowned and then slapped my chest. “Idiot.”

"No, you're right,” I conceded. “I'm a mess."

Despite how groggy I felt, I managed to sketch a smile that she tried to copy despite the concern that framed her face.

"How long have you been like this?" she asked.

"Since this morning" I replied. "I was fine last night. I don't know what the hell I caught." 

"Are you coughing up flowers this time?"

"Nope. Just feeling weak as shit, head is heavy, and throat is itchy."

"Okay. Well, sit down. I'll see what we can do."

I made my way to the couch and plopped down with a huff. I leaned back, resting my head on the headrest. Lia followed me with her eyes as she took off her jacket and started looking for something in the paper bag she had brought with her. 

"I stopped by the pharmacy before I came here. I wasn't sure what you’d need, but something will do. The rest you can keep in the bathroom or wherever you keep your meds."

I looked at her with a guilty expression, and she was quick to transcribe it. 

"You don't have anything, do you?"

I shook my head. 

"I think Jolly has some ibuprofen blisters in his room, but given how messy he is, before you find it I'll probably start feeling better."

"Fantastic," she mused, rolling her eyes. From the bag hse pulled out several small boxes of medication and a couple of foil-wrapped packages. "You haven't eaten either, have you?"

I shook my head again. Lia shook the two foil packets in the air.

"You're lucky. I brought burritos."

"Have I told you yet that you're an angel?"

She sat next to me on the couch two minutes later, scooping one leg over the rest of her body. She had taken the burritos out of their wrappers and separated them into two plates that now lay on the little table between the couch and the TV. After thanking her, I took one of the plates. Before placing it on my lap, Lia pulled a thermometer out of one of the back pockets of her jeans. 

She flicked on the thermometer and handed it over without a word. There was no need for instructions; we had been through this routine countless times, sometimes with the roles reversed. We sat in quiet anticipation, waiting for the thermometer to signal that it had done its job. I removed it from under my armpit, and instead of checking it myself, I instinctively passed it to her.

"You've got a light fever," she said, looking away from the thermometer and back at me. Worry etched her expression as she brushed a strand of hair from my forehead.

The only sounds in the house were the distant white noise from outside, occasionally interrupted by more dogs barking, and then the rhythmic ticking coming from the kitchen clock.

"Nothing that can't be fixed now that you're here," I grinned at her.

She shot me a reproachful look.

"Don't get too comfortable. It's not right for you to be so dependent on me. We talked about this the other day, Noah..."

"Bah, I have no idea what you're talking about," I retorted, shifting my focus to the burrito.

"All right, eat up. I don't want to give you meds on an empty stomach."

We ate in near silence, interspersed with occasional questions about her day and work. Lia usually spent hours in the studio with me and the boys, but there were times when she worked from home, focusing on her merchandising job, or went to the label's offices where logistics were handled. Lia was one of the hardest-working people I knew, and I admired her for it, knowing the challenges she had overcome while growing up. We had supported each other on our journeys, but the dedication each of us had shown to reach our goals was something that never ceased to amaze me.

Lia's drive and passion, despite her challenging past, left me in awe every day. She never took anything for granted, continually pushing herself towards her goals. However, I couldn't help but worry about her health. I knew that sometimes she sacrificed sleep and worked over-hours. It was a concern I had kept to myself, contemplating whether I should encourage her to ease up a bit or not, considering that I was just as much a workholic as she was.  

After finishing our meal, Lia brought me a glass of water and a couple of pills, which I swallowed without complaint. She suggested I lie down in the bed, but I insisted on staying on the couch, which led her to sit with me and deciding on watching a movie.

By the time the film concluded, I had dozed off, and Lia had made sure I wasn’t cold by drapping one of the blankets stacked in the corner of the couch over me.

I woke up to the clinking of cups. When I half-opened my eyes, I saw Lia in the kitchen, holding two cups by the handles with two fingers of her left hand. Two cabinets were open on her right.

"Lia? What are you doing?" I asked with a slightly hoarse voice, my eyes still adjusting to the intensity of the light.

Lia turned her head to look at me in surprise over her shoulder, and the first thing she muttered was an apology.

"I didn’t mean to wake you. I'm rearranging the cabinets."

If she was already finishing, it meant I had been asleep for almost an hour. Since Jolly, Jesse, and I had moved into that little house, we hadn't cleaned the cabinets even once, and they must have been loaded with dust and cereals scattered like rocks everywhere, among other things.

"You didn’t have to," I replied, sitting up and pulling my arms from under the blanket to stretch them like a cat. I felt somewhat better. The stiffness that had kept me on the couch for most of the day seemed to have dissipated a bit, and I felt like getting up and flexing my knees.

"How are you feeling?" Lia asked, closing the cabinets. She had tied her hair in a poorly made bun and had taken off her boots.

I threw the blanket off and stood up, taking with me the glass of water I had left on the table earlier and took a couple of sips.

"Better. Thanks," I replied after swallowing.

On my way to the kitchen, my eyes glanced over Lia's backpack, and I deduced that she only had the essentials with her. I felt a tug in my chest. I didn't want her to leave.

"Are you staying tonight?"

Her hesitation didn't go unnoticed. However, she approached me and checked my temperature again with the back of her hand on my forehead.

I chuckled.

"What?" she asked, pulling her hand away.

"You’re tiny."

She looked at me with a frown.

"I'm not. You're a giraffe, which is totally different."

She was right, but when she was barefoot and so close, I once again realized our height difference, and Lia seemed like a little creature I could hide in my chest by wrapping my arms around her and squeezing.

I continued smiling because I couldn't help it. Clearly, her presence and the pills had taken effect.

"You're better," she concluded, "although you should take another pill before going to bed, just in case. And you should have a good dinner."

"Stay," I pleaded. "We can order a couple of pizzas and watch Spirited Away or a horror movie. What do you say?"

"I said have a proper dinner. Besides, I didn't bring anything. I don't have my MacBook, and I don't have any pjs here."

"As if that was an excuse… You have already slept in half of the t-shirts in my closet,” I rolled my eyes. "About the MacBook, nothing will happen if you don't work for a day. Come on, stay. Jolly won't be back for a few days, and I need a nurse."

"You don't need a nurse," she replied, letting out a smile.

But it wasn't hard to convince her. The difficult part was dealing with the sensation that invaded me when I saw her appear down the hallway before dinner, wearing my t-shirt and only a pair of long socks. It wasn't the first time (nor would it be the last) that I saw her like that. The feeling wasn't exactly unfamiliar either.

Before preparing dinner, we sat together on the couch for another while. Lia had taken a notebook from her backpack and showed me various drawings she had done in the past weeks. Most of them featured flowers, all the ones she knew (which were a lot), and also dark stuff where skeleatons, bats, and distorted faces were featured. The myriad of emotions expressed on paper always left me feeling overwhelmed.

"Hey, how is Black-Eyed Susan?" I asked when I remembered about the last plant I’d given her.

"Growing healthy and beautiful,” she said proudly, with a fucking beautiful smile. 

I felt a tug at my heart, knowing that I had pulled her away from the comfort of being with her boyfriend and the other little things that made her happy. 

"I'm sorry I made you come," I said after a while. "Did I ruin your day?"

Lia shook her head slowly, her expression unchanged. Concern, impatience... She extended an arm and took my hand, giving it a squeeze and then offering a warm but weak smile.

"I have no problem spending the day here taking care of you."

We continued talking, at times with few words and in a low voice. Midway through the conversation, her phone, which she had left on the kitchen island, buzzed silently multiple times, lighting up. Lia glanced at it disinterestedly over her shoulder. I sensed a wave of unease passing through her, but I didn't press to find out the reason because telling me about her weekend activities with her yoga class friends seemed to keep her away from any dark clouds.

When an ugly cough shook my body, Lia sat up and patted my thigh. She went to the kitchen and brought me a hot mug of lemon and ginger tea. After drinking a few sips, I let out a long sigh.

Lia knelt on the rug in front of me.

"Let's hope you get better by tomorrow. We'll see what to do then. I'll take care of preparing dinner, okay?"

"Mhmh,” I mumbled with my eyes closed. She made a move to get up, but I stopped her. "You know, it's easy not to miss you when you're here.”

Her features shifted to a tender expression. 

"I know."

She kissed my forehead.

After dinner (an avocado and hummus salad, and some fruit for dessert), we started watching a series on HBO and ended up falling asleep halfway through. When I woke up, it was already pitch black outside. Lia had her head resting on my shoulder, and her breathing was calm. I brushed the tip of my nose against her hair. That woke her up. She opened her eyes in time for her iPhone to light up, announcing a call from Mitch from the coffee table. Her eyes widened, and she muttered a curse, straightening up tiredly.

Right in front of me, she rejected the call. I couldn’t help but notice a bunch of unread messages from Mitch on her screen.

"Does he know you're here?" I couldn't resist asking.

"No," she replied, serious, still not looking at me. "We had an argument this morning," she said, pretending to be busy checking something else on her phone. "I told him I was going back to my place.”

She dropped the phone on the table like it was no big deal and flopped back on the couch. 

“You should’ve told him you’re here,” I said. 

"No, I don't think that would have been a good idea..." she muttered, resting her head against the cushions, the sleep not fully gone from her bones. 

"Why not? Lia, if you're serious about him, Mitch needs to learn to be okay with our friendship,” I insisted, throwing in some serious concern. I was also feeling sleepy and I looked forward to going back to my bed, letting the hours pass and waking up the next morning with this virus gone from my body. 

But I was more concerned about her than myself. 

Lia let out a long sigh and turned her head to face me. 

"Mitch says friends don't behave the way you and I do."

The sentence hung in the air. For a fraction of a second, my eyes wandered down to her lips. 

“Well,” I continued with a shrug of my shoulders, “not all friends have known each other since childhood. We’re different than other’s for that reason, don’t you think?”

Lia’s reply came after a while. It was just a sigh and her eyebrows raising and dropping, as if she was too tired to discuss the topic.

"Is he very jealous?" I found myself asking. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, my hands too close to Lia’s bare legs. 

"To a fair extent," she admitted, not sounding entirely convinced herself. “But I’m not ready to sacrifice our friendship.” 

Unable to restrain myself, I touched her cheek and smiled at her with tenderness, grateful for her words but at the same time conflicted by the problems it might cause her in her relationship with that idiot Mitch.

“Does this have anything to do with the call from the other day?” I inquired. Her voice on the other side of the line hadn’t left my head ever since. She had me truly concerned, but she was adamant on not telling me what happened exactly that night. 

It didn’t surprise me to see her tensing at its mention. She diverted her gaze. It pained me to see her like that. There was something she was not telling me, and the distance growing between us, the wall she seemed to be putting up, was keeping me from pushing in, reaching to her heart and finding the truth. 

“Lia?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she finally responded. Abruptly, the back of her palm was back on my forehead, catching me off guard. “You’re heating up again. Take another pill before you go to bed, yeah?”

“Lia…” I insisted when she stood up.

“Noah, really,” she looked so tired now, the circles under her eyes more pronounced. There was no noise at all coming from the streets and the atmosphere inside of the house seemed to be charged with something unwelcome. “Can we just not talk about it now?”

“I just want to know if you’re okay. You seem tired than usual. I’m just cheking in on you the same way you’re here checking in on me.”

“And I appreciate that, but I’m fine, all right? If there’s something going on with me and my boyfriend, I’ll take care of it.”

Raising an eyebrow, I added a hint of mock concern. Lia didn't take kindly to it, her shoulders slumping, resembling a six-year-old on the verge of pouting.

“I can take your word on that, right?” I asked, totally unconvinced. 

It took her a moment of hesitation before she nodded. Stepping closer, I placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her into my chest.

“Omff,” she let out when she crashed against my body. 

“That’s what you get if you give me those sad looks.”

“I’m not sad. I’m actually pretty happy being here with you.”

“I knew you liked playing nurse.” 

She retaliated by pinching my side, prompting a loud ‘ouch’ from me, and I released her. Her soft laughter filled the living room, the house, and the last image etched in my mind that night was her figure siappearing into the dark shadows of the hallway, a small private smile reserved just for me drawn on her face. However, there was something else. Maybe it was the fact that the smile didn’t reach her eyes, or perhaps the fact that her eyes were not lighting up when she was smiling. 

I stood motionless in the living room, my heart pounding a slow melody in my chest, still echoing the presence of Lia’s face just minutes ago. I felt unsettled, and in a futile attempt to seek reassurance, my fingers instinctively brushed against the tattoo on my neck, the one that read her name.  

[muzanswaifu]

Rules & Commission Information

18+

These are the rules for my blog and requests! Below that will be my commission information. If you are interested in taking part in either, please read.

Requests

Requests are currently : CLOSED (any requests sent in will be deleted)

For if and when requests are open - please send an ask or dm with details such as the ship (check my rules to make sure that ship is approved by me) or character you would like the fic to be about, kinks, and important plot points, if necessary. Please specify to me if you'd like a full fic, headcannons, or a bulleted outline of events (if you do not specify, I will make that decision myself based on what I think would be best.) I reserve the right to refuse or ignore any requests I would not like to write.

Rules for Requests and Commissions🔽

All requested fics need to have smut in them, I do not write fluff-centric fiction. If you do not clarify the kinks or type of smut for the fic (Consensual, Dub-con, Non-con, ect) I will, again, make that decision myself based on what I think would be best.

ALLOWED:

MxF, FxF, M/FxGn (specify what body parts the character has)

Fluff, SMUT, angst

Here is a list of characters and fandoms I write for >>> LIST

Canon demon slayer relationships (Iguro x Mitsuri, Tengen x Wives, ect.)

Non-con, dub-con, manipulation, toxic relationships, verbal abuse

Somnophilia, spit kink, breeding kink, size kink, drugging, watersports/piss, a/b/o

Honestly anything as long as it's not listed in the not-allowed list

NOT ALLOWED:

MxM (I'm not very good writing it at present)

Crack kny ships (such as giyuxmitsuri)

Illegal age gaps or young children, all characters must be above the age of 18 or aged-up

Incest, bestiality, gangbangs, tentacles, excessive physical violence and abuse, anything with sh!t, cheating, brutal non-con, ageplay, pegging, or ass-play

Commissions

Commissions: CLOSED (1/1 slots taken)

I will be taking one commission at a time. The time it will take to complete said commission will vary, but it should take around a month or two depending on how busy I am. Rules for commissions are listed above.

Pricing is $10 for every 1,000 words. It is an additional $10 for every additional love interest. You can ask for as many kinks and fetishes as you want (as long as they are in my allowed list), and as much plot as you want, but keep in mind the word limit. Payment is through paypal, and I take the full payment upfront.

1k words = $10

2k words = $20

5k words = $50

10k words = $100

Ik the pricing is kinda expensive lol, I have it as such because I am a busy girl, I put my entire pussy into my writing, and it is just generally difficult for me to write requests. But trust me, if you commission me, I am gonna go hard in the paint for what you ask me. You will be asked many questions about what you want (so prepare for that lol) and I will keep you updated on my progress to make sure you like what I am writing.

Rules For This Blog

(@muzanswifey will have its own set of rules)

No bullying or hate - if you don't like what myself or others are posting or talking about, then leave. If I find out you are making drama over something you can easily ignore, I will block you and notify other writers to avoid you.

Only smut and anime is to be talked about on this blog, I do not want to hear about your personal life, interests, or traumas. This is my blog, not a soap box.

If I find you to be childish or attention-seeking, I reserve the right to block you.

[gasotea]

❗️Blog in construction❗️

What is this blog, after all?

This is a multifandom roleplay, writing and art blog. Fandoms I'm currently in are Diabolik lovers, Tear of themis and Twisted Wonderland. Twisted wonderland being more interesting to me at this moment. I'll be developing my OCs I have in all universe.

I also want to try out writing for canon characters. So feel free to give me ideas. No requests as of now.

Let's set some RULES beforehand, shall we?~

No nsfw. Suggestive is fine. Flirting is fine. But explicit content shall not be mentioned here.

No spamming. Either my ask box and DMs. Spamming as in more than 4 asks at one time. In this limit, I shall accept. Even so, whether I answer or not vary on my mood. Tho I try to answer everything. It just take some a lot of time.

No hate comment. Any hate directed to me, my muses, a specific community will not be tolerated.

Branching from rule 3. homophobics, transphobic people aren't welcomed here. Take note that admin is a gender fluid.

No religion talk. Religion makes me uncomfortable to some degree.

I don't have any trigger and into pretty much dark and gory stuffs. But even so, extreme things disturb even me. Please be mindful of my mental state.

Canon or not, this is all for fun. Writing is a hobby, not a job.

Because of the multifandom, I'll be tagging accordingly! I'll make a separate post for the tags only.

Blank blogs, blogs with no reblogs/posts will be blocked. Please properly put your name/age and a few information so I know you're not a bot!

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

Roleplay

Drabble

fanfic (Reira fanfic wip)

Art

Moodboards

Headcanons

About Admin

Tea or Asmo

20

Intj

A tired student (No I will not elaborate)

Asian

Sorry if I don't reply quick to chatting, I need to mentally prepare myself. (Mostly with strangers)

[nyctophilicdabi]

hello ~

So, I have a couple of side blogs because I need a separation of content.

@undergroundnyx: This is the main blog, sort of an umbrella, as well as content not relating to my side blogs (i.e. different animes, shows, etc.) This is also the blog that interactions would happen from!

@nyctophilicsamu: Haikyuu content! Warning: I am predominantly a miyacest shipper, and so most of my content will be that.

@nyctophilicdabi: you are here 📍 Warning: Once again an incest warning, because DabiShou supremacy! But if you click way below, you'll see what to expect from me!

bnha masterlist! (This is where you'll find AO3 fics, twitter threads turned into tumblr posts as well as exclusive tumblr content!)

@nyctophiliclevi: Attack on Titan content! Honestly, since reading anything from user: sugarplum-senpai I've been wanting to get back into the AOT fandom, so this is me forcing myself basically. (I mean, the Wings of Freedom series? However! Everything they write is absolutely top-tier). There isn't really a warning here, except if you have a huge thing with ship dynamics, so prepare to see RivaEre exclusively.

More personal information can be seen in the post on @nyctophilicnyx!

Now, onto business!!

About me in the BNHA fandom:

~ villain apologist ~

This is a no hate corner for the following characters: Bakugō, Shōto, Dabi/Tōya, Shigaraki/Shimura, Chisaki, Chronostasis.

This is a love/hate corner for Deku I have a couple of Deku shippers in my life, and yes. We disagree on a daily basis!

Ships to expect:

Bakugō: Shōto, Dabi, Shigaraki, Shinsō, Aizawa, Monoma (maybe, this is a love-hate type of thing right now)

Dabi/Tōya: Shigaraki/Shimura, Shōto, Bakugō, Chisaki, Kaminari, Natsuo, Geten

Shigaraki/Shimura: Dabi/Tōya, Bakugō, Aizawa, Natsuo

Others: ChronoHaul, MonoPress, SeroRoki.

Characters I'll write (and how) not mentioned above:

Blood Riot, Villain/Vigilante/UA Traitor Kaminari, Hurt!Deku, Endeavour, Punk Sero.

Fun fact:

One time I did a quiz on crunchyroll about which Agency I'd intern with -- I got Shigaraki. It definitely tracks.

For anything else, just jump into my ask box!!

My carrd for any other information regarding events, more social profiles, etc.

[happynewyear-99]

vent, keep scrolling

I have never truly felt like I belonged. The space I am in does not help me, yet I want to moderate it out of my own mania. And I can not leave, in fear of losing friends. Or people who I think are my friends, however this is not two-sided.

Actually, what even is the point of trying to befriend someone so desperately despite knowing how different you are? Is it their rank? I don't want it to be that way. I have never wanted to befriended someone because of their rank, yet I cannot help but push myself into a box that this is what I am doing, while knowing that pushing myself into a box is not a good idea. I hate being hyper-aware of all that I can not change.

I am oh so lonely, yet I can not maintain friendships. I accept that they drift away and I will never see them again, when I can change this reality at any point. I just don't know how.

I hate the skin that I live in. I hate how it feels like I'll never be mature until I am 16. I'm going to be annoying and it won't end.

If there is a God out there, why was I shaped so horribly? Made from spare parts and scrap, all to hatch into a butterfly? When do I hatch? I don't think I can hatch. I don't think I am a caterpillar. I think that this is what I will just be now. This feeling has been unchanging for so long, I don't think it even can.

I center the world around myself, but not in a way that is malicious or anything, but in a way that is meant to protect me. If I say that I am amazing, maybe people will see it that way. I'm tired of it all.

My skin is too heavy for my fragile bones. I speak and stare at my words on the outside. I can not leave, there is nowhere to go. I am stuck here, here until the rot finally takes me. If only it'd take me sooner.

I want to fall asleep until I wake up a butterfly. Too much?

I am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human i am a human

the door is open i just don't know where to go

the door is open

it is open

i can see it open

it is open

i do not want to leave

it is not safe

not that id know

ive never been there

and thats scary

it might even kill me

I am going through an episode. A manic and depressive episode all at the same time, strengthened by my bipolar. Which one? Hell if I know. Took me damn long enough to get to this point. I write this all on a Tumblr post because the thought of people viewing me makes me happy. Does that make me an attention seeker? I hope not.

la la la

tra la la

lee lee lee

I like to imagine a content creator reading all of this as if it were a clue for an ARG. Why would someone even read a vent? Well, it COULD be fictional! Maybe they'll give us a clue to solve the next puzzle! I wish. I wish this was fake.

I make up scenarios in my head, but too many. Even when I talk to someone, I mentally prepare for questions they would never ask, just so I can answer them in case it happened. Which it never does.

Have I mentioned that I love answering questions? I love answering questions, even difficult ones. I like to think of solutions, even if none of them are really that good, all things considered.

I love music that is so loud it sounds like pain. Like a computer screaming as it dies. It makes the loudness of my head sound quieter and then it stops

[masonmyluv]

I posted 1,490 times in 2022

That's 1,345 more posts than 2021!

113 posts created (8%)

1,377 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:❤️❤️❤️❤️

@bluesmason

@mountzka

@cityfanchelseaslut

@masnmount

@carlottawllms

I tagged 164 of my posts in 2022

#masonmount - 90 posts

#money mase - 71 posts

#mason mount smut - 49 posts

#mason mount - 37 posts

#mason - 19 posts

#mason mount imagine - 13 posts

#fc chelsea - 13 posts

#ruben dias - 11 posts

#mason mount fluff - 11 posts

#mason mount fanfic - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 75 characters

#his legs not being the only thing i’m looking at in the first and third pic

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Why is this so hot and cute at the same time 🥺😩

103 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

#4

This picture breaks my heart in millions of pieces 😭😭💔💔 I just want to give him a hug 🧸🤍

Someone please write a sad imagine because I’m in the mood for crying thank you 🥰😭

110 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#3

The bodyguard ~ part 1

Mason Mount x reader

Contains angst and fluff

“You pepper-sprayed me!" Mason yelled.

"Of course I did! You came in while I was changing!" You yelled back.

"It was an emergency" he said.

"Emergency my ass! You thought you heard a glass broke. You're being paranoid" you rolled your eyes at him.

"I swear to God-"

"Get the fuck out!" You tried to push him out of the door, but he was a 6 feet 4 muscley brick wall so your attempts failed. "I'm here to protect you and you'll thank me one day" he huffed, leaving the room in a hurry and slamming the door shut. You collapsed on the floor, breaking into sobs and tears. After 3 months of him being 24/7 near you as your bodyguard, you thought things would look differently. You thought he changed but I guess he couldn't feel any emotion besides anger and coldness.

You replayed the scene in your head all night, not being able to sleep after another unhappy encounter with him. Why did you have to endure all of this? Oh yeah, because your father was the head of the Mafia and you were an easy target. And your idiotic of a brother was working with him and got the brightest idea to hire a bodyguard for you. An ol' friend of him who was in the army. Bullshit. You didn't need protection. You knew how to fight, you had a pepper spray always with you so why did you need a bodyguard? Just to drive you nuts with his stubbornness? No thanks.

*Mason's pov*

I left the room before I lost control and did something I would regret later. I've locked myself into the gym, punching the shit out the boxing bag to ease my nerves. No one else... damn! No other woman could drive me this crazy. I hated it so much... but also loved it... Stop! What am I thinking? Punch. Kick. Punch. She was dragging me to the edge of my patience day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute of the time spent with her, guarding her. I could've refused the offer, but Jack had been my best mate in the army and I couldn't turn him down. Not after he saved my life, but no one knew that.

My knuckles already had bruises on them from the hard punching. I. Hate. You. No. I hate me. For not being the bodyguard she saw in me. I stopped before I hurt myself further and made a quick walk to the bathroom on the hallway. Of course I had an en suite bathroom, but I wanted to pass by her door. See if she was alright. Of course she wasn't, you just yelled at her like an idiot after she built her trust in you. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard her crying. I felt awful, being the reason behind her sadness. I inhaled a deep breath and continued my way for a short distance. Because, without me acknowledging it, my legs carried me to her door and my finger knocked on the door. She didn't respond, yet the sobs couldn't be heard anymore. Not fooling me this easy, princess.

I opened the door anyways, preparing myself for another pepper spray and I was damn right. She was there with the can in her hands, aiming in to my face. "You really like seeing me hurt don't you?" I asked her with a small smile. "I don't. I don't wish that to anyone. Not even to my worse enemies" she replied. For a spoiled child, she was pretty wise. "What do you want?" She asked coldly. Coldness, not the usually happiness I heard in her voice every day. "I came to check on you" I said. "I didn't know you cared about others then yourself" she said and I allowed myself to smile. "You don't know me princess" I replied cooly. Her eyes searched for any form of emotion on my face, after falling on my bruised hands. "Oh my God, what happened?" She asked, throwing the spray away and taking my hands in hers. That soft, simple touch drove me crazy. "I hope you didn't get into a fight with someone" she said like a mother would scold her child. "You sound like my mom" I said amused, but cleared my throat when her eyes shot up to my face in shock. I've never opened to anyone about my family or my past. "A fight with the punching bag" I said quickly. "Come on" she said, dragging me inside as we were still at the door.

*your pov*

I used my first aid kit to clean the bruises, to which he winced in pain. "Sorry" I said softly, bandaging them carefully. I knew he was watching me all the time, I always felt when he looked at me and it was a strange feeling. "I didn't know you cared" he said. The jerk is back. "You don't know me enough, darling". His face fell at the nickname, just the reaction I was looking for. We stood in awkward silence for a few moments, until he spoke up, shocking the hell out of me.

*Mason's pov*

"I'm sorry" I mumbled. "I didn't quite catch that" she said, patting her ear. That little brat. "I said I'm sorry. About earlier. I shouldn't have come in" I said louder this time. "It's fine. It's not like anything you never seen before" she shrugged. She was damn right. All the times she walked in the skimpiest bikini to the garden pool made my cock hard as fuck. Or the time she got stuck in a dress at a shop and I had to come to the rescue and she was only in her purple panties. I wished I could touch her in that moment, feeling her soft soft skin under my callused hands, palm her breasts and... It's not the moment to think about that now. "Tell me about your mother" she suddenly said. "There's not much to say" I shrugged. "She died when I was 7. Father left when she told him she was pregnant. An uncle raised me but he died while I was in the army" I said. She didn't say anything, and the next thing surprised me. She hugged me. Not out of pity, but for comfort. My comfort and hers. She had a place where all the worries disappeared. That place was in my arms. I hugged her back, pulling her closer into my chest when her body started trembling, meaning she was crying. But now I was here to comfort her, and yet I didn't know what to say. I just hugged her tighter while she let all the worries and stress of the past days flow away. Even I surprised myself when I kissed the top of her head and she sucked a deep breath, pulling away a moment to look into my eyes. "I... I don't hate you" she said even though I never asked. "I just wanted you to know this" she said blushing. "I don't hate you either" I said softly, brushing the remaining tears on her cheek with my thumb. "But I do hate your stubbornness sometimes" I smiled down at her. "Aaaand you ruined the moment" she scoffed. "What's your greatest wish?" I asked. "Find true love. But something that won't take that much, probably go away from all this bullshit. Even a vacation. 4 days. I don't need more. I just want to forget what family I live in" she sighed. "That sounds good" I said, pulling the best neutral face to hide my enthusiasm. "Yeah. Though it won't happen very soon so all I can do is dream" she sounded sad. "Speaking about dreams... it's 1 am and if somebody finds us, we'll be in great trouble" I said. "You're right. Night Mason" she said, pressing her lips to my cheek in a 3 seconds kiss. "Night princess" I said, making sure she was tucked in bed before I exited the room. What did just happen?

Hope you like it 🥰 Any feedback is appreciated 🦋

123 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#2

If he knew what he does to me 👀😩

130 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What is with men and billiard? All I can think is sinful 😩🥵

136 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theblackqueen-ofmyheart]

Rant post because I’m tired of seeing Loki critics who don’t engage their critical thinking skills. I don’t think I should have to offer more warning further than that but if I do. Fair warning, reading further will probably tick you off to some degree if you have criticized the show so far. Also spoilers.

No marvel didn’t pick between incest and homosexuality. Mobius and Loki had no romantic chemistry. They barely had chemistry as friends. Loki and Slyvie didn’t have romantic chemistry either but at least they had chemistry as friends. And the kiss was her using his moment of vulnerability to her advantage. If you’re upset about queerbating you’re the type of shipper Anthony Mackie was calling out. You saw two men on screen and immediately decided they were gay for each other despite Mobius activity torturing, belittling, using and manipulating Loki. And even if they did have chemistry loki and Slyvie are both Bisexual or pansexual depending on how you’d like to label them. If they were to end up together, yes, it would be weird but that doesn’t make them any less bisexual or pansexual and if you think it does then you’re more of an issue than marvel is.

“I thought the Loki show would focus on Loki not these other people” you mean these other people who are mostly Loki variants? These other people who are also loki? We were never told it would focus solely on 2012 Loki, we were just told it was a show about Loki. No matter which Loki it focuses on it’s still focusing on Loki.

“Kang was annoying. I didn’t like him” GOOD, maybe we aren’t supposed to?? Almost every story has an antagonist. Kang was one of the the antagonists of Loki, not every antagonist needs to be likeable. People got too comfy thirsting after villains to realize not every one needs to be someone you can like. Hats off to the actor for making Kang someone not everyone will like, especially because he was honestly fun and bubbly.

“Ewww, Loki and Slyvie kissed” did I like it? No. Did I want it? No. But like I said before it was a tactic to get what she needed. If the Slyki shippers want their moment let them have it. Who is it going to harm? If you don’t like it you can see it as a tactic. If you did like it see it as romantic as you want go shippers! And I know we all saw those “would you fuck your clone?” posts that would go around and most of the time loki would be under “yes, who would know how to fuck me better than me?” We all knew Loki would fuck another Loki given the chance this is old news.

“Why was this not explained? Why was that like that? Why was??????” Google it….Wanda vision and Loki have very strong comic ties, google it and you’ll likely find your answers.

“Wow, Loki can’t even enchant something without Slyvie’s help because she’s soooo important” HE SAYS HE CANT FFS!! More than once even. On the train he is amazed she knows how to enchant minds and that she taught herself how to do that. And then right before they go to enchant Alioth he says he doesn’t know how. Her gripping his hand tighter doesn’t have to be anything more than her reassuring him that he can do it if he tries. Or maybe her communicating mentally with him to show him how to. You guys were the ones who decided it was him being useless without her help. And again, so what if that’s the direction it was going? If it focuses on slyvie over 2012 loki it’s still a show about loki.

“The ending was so unsatisfying” I’ll give you that it was pretty bland and anticlimactic but remember there’s a season 2 coming and we don’t know what’s going to happen there.

You can be upset about the show but at least use your minds and what was freely given before you pick it apart like what you’re criticizing isn’t explained in one form or another or at least isn’t something that’s a given. I have so many loki hate tags blocked right now and I’m still seeing loki hate popping up and it’s ticking me off how little people are using their thinking skills over this show. Do I love loki? Yes. Do I think they were done dirty by the show? To a degree yes. Can I still enjoy it instead of picking it apart? Yes!

I’m not a Wanda or a vision fan so I didn’t watch Wandavision past a few episodes because I didn’t like it much. Instead I stayed up to date by interacting with people who did watch it, Google, and comic knowledge because it is comic content heavy, much like Loki. I didn’t pick it apart despite not liking it. Y’all kept watching a show you’re disappointed by then wonder why you’re still disappointed like you didn’t set yourselves up for it. It’s something even kids know, don’t like something walk away. The internet is great for keeping up to date with things you’re not actually interacting with if you want to know what’s going on but don’t wanna actually subject yourself to it, supernatural drama is a great example.

[qqueenofhades]

Do you really hate this county? Or were you just ranting?

Sigh. I debated whether or not to answer this, since I usually keep the real-life/politics/depressing current events to a relative minimum on this blog, except when I really can't avoid ranting about it. But I have some things to get off my chest, it seems, and you did ask. So.

The thing is, any American with a single modicum of genuine historical consciousness knows that despite all the triumphalist mythology about Pulling Up By Our Bootstraps and the American Dream and etc, this country was founded and built on the massive and systematic exploitation and extermination of Black and Indigenous people. And now, when we are barely (400 years later!!!) getting to a point of acknowledging that in a widespread way, oh my god the screaming. I'm so sick of the American right wing I could spit for so many reasons, not least of which is the increasingly reductive and reactive attempts to put the genie back in the bottle and set up hysterical boogeymen about how Teaching Your Children Critical Race Theory is the end of all things. They have forfeited all pretense of being a real governing party; remember how their only platform at the 2020 RNC was "support whatever Trump says?" They have devolved to the point where the cruelty IS the point, to everyone who doesn't fit the nakedly white supremacist mold. They don't have anything to do aside from attempt to usher in actual, literal, dictionary-definition-of-fascism and sponsor armed revolts against the peaceful transfer of power.

That is fucking exhausting to be aware of all the time, especially with the knowledge that if we miss a single election cycle -- which is exceptionally easy to do with the way the Democratic electorate needs to be wooed and courted and herded like cats every single time, rather than just getting their asses to the polls and voting to keep Nazis out of office -- they will be right back in power again. If Manchin and Sinema don't get over their poseur pearl-clutching and either nuke the filibuster or carve out an exception for voting rights, the John Lewis Voting Rights Act is never going to get passed, no matter how many boilerplate appeals the Democratic leadership makes on Twitter. In which case, the 2022 midterms are going to give us Kevin McCarthy, Speaker of the House (I threw up in my mouth a little typing that) and right back to the Mitch McConnell Obstruction Power Hour in the Senate. The Online Left (TM) will then blame the Democrats for not doing more to stop them. These are, of course, the same people who refused to vote for Hillary Clinton out of precious moral purity reasons in 2016, handed the election to Trump, and now like to complain when the Trump-stacked Supreme Court reliably churns out terrible decisions. Gee, it's almost like elections have consequences!!

Aside from my exasperation with the death-cult right-wing fascists and the Online Left (TM), I am sick and tired of how forty years of "trickle-down" Reaganomics has created a world where billionaires can just fly to space for the fun of it, while the rest of America (and the world) is even more sick, poor, overheated, economically deprived, and unable to survive the biggest public health crisis in a century, even if half the elected leadership wasn't actively trying to sabotage it. Did you know that half of American workers can't even afford a one-bedroom apartment? Plus the obvious scandal that is race relations, health care, paid leave, the education system (or lack thereof), etc etc. I'm so tired of this America Is The Greatest Country in the World mindless jingoistic catchphrasing. We are an empire in the late stages of collapse and it's not going to be pretty for anyone. We have been poisoned on sociopathic-libertarian-selfishness-disguised-as-Freedom ideology for so long that that's all there is left. We have become a country of idiots who believe everything their idiot friends post on social media, but in a very real sense, it's not directly those individuals' fault. How could they, when they have been very deliberately cultivated into that mindset and stripped of critical thinking skills, to serve a noxious combination of money, power, and ideology?

I am tired of the fact that I have become so drained of empathy that when I see news about more people who refused to get the vaccine predictably dying of COVID, my reaction is "eh, whatever, they kind of deserved it." I KNOW that is not a good mindset to have, and I am doing my best to maintain my personal attempts to be kind to those I meet and to do my small part to make the world better. I know these are human beings who believed what they were told by people that they (for whatever reason) thought knew better than them, and that they are part of someone's family, they had loved ones, etc. But I just can't summon up the will to give a single damn about them (I'm keeping a bingo card of right-wing anti-vax radio hosts who die of COVID and every time it's like, "Alexa, play Another One Bites The Dust.") The course that the pandemic took in 21st-century America was not preordained or inevitable. It was (and continues to be) drastically mismanaged for cynical political reasons, and the legacy of the Former Guy continues to poison any attempts to bring it under control or convince people to get a goddamn vaccine. We now have over 100,000 patients hospitalized with COVID across the country -- more than last summer, when the vaccines weren't available.

I have been open about my fury about the devaluation of the humanities and other critical thinking skills, about the fact that as an academic in this field, my chances of getting a full-time job for which I have trained extensively and acquired a specialist PhD are... very low. I am tired of the fact that Americans have been encouraged to believe whatever bullshit they fucking please, regardless of whether it is remotely true, and told that any attempt to correct them is "anti-freedom." I am tired of how little the education system functions in a useful way at all -- not necessarily due to the fault of teachers, who have to work with what they're given, and who are basically heroes struggling stubbornly along in a profession that actively hates them, but because of relentless under-funding, political interference, and furious attempts, as discussed above, to keep white America safely in the dark about its actual history. I am tired of the fact that grade school education basically relies on passing the right standardized tests, the end. I am tired of the implication that the truth is too scary or "un-American" to handle. I am tired. Tired.

I know as well that "America" is not synonymous in all cases with "capitalist imperialist white-supremacist corporate death cult." This is still the most diverse country in the world. "America" is not just rich white middle-aged Republicans. "America" involves a ton of people of color, women, LGBTQ people, Muslims, Jews, Christians of good will (I have a whole other rant on how American Christianity as a whole has yielded all pretense of being any sort of a principled moral opposition), white allies, etc etc. all trying to make a better world. The blue, highly vaccinated, Biden-winning states and counties are leading the economic recovery and enacting all kinds of progressive-wishlist dream policies. We DID get rid of the Orange One via the electoral process and avert fascism at the ballot box, which is almost unheard-of, historically speaking. But because, as also discussed above, certain elements of the Democratic electorate need to fall in love with a candidate every single time or threaten to withhold their vote to punish the rest of the country for not being Progressive Enough, these gains are constantly fragile and at risk of being undone in the next electoral cycle. Yes, the existing system is a crock of shit. But it's what we've got right now, and the other alternative is open fascism, which we all got a terrifying taste of over the last four years. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to go back.

So... I don't know. I don't know if that stacks up to hate. I do hate almost everything about what this country currently is, structurally speaking, but I recognize that is not identical with the many people who still live here and are trying to do their best, including my friends, family, and myself. I am exhausted by the fact that as an older millennial, I am expected to survive multiple cataclysmic economic crashes, a planet that is literally boiling alive, a barely functional political system run on black cash, lies, and xenophobia, a total lack of critical thinking skills, renewed assaults on women/queer people/POC/etc, and somehow feel like I'm confident or prepared for the future. Not all these problems are only America's fault alone. The West as a whole bears huge responsibility for the current clusterfuck that the world is in, for many reasons, and so do some non-Western countries. But there is no denying that many of these problems have ultimate American roots. See how the ongoing fad for right-wing authoritarian strongmen around the world has them modeling themselves openly on Trump (like Brazil's lunatic president, Jair Bolsonaro, who talks all the time about how Trump is his political role model). See what's going on in Afghanistan right now. Etc. etc.

Anyway. I am very, very tired. There you have it.

[writeroutoftime]

undercover feelings

pairing: jack thompson x reader (requested by: @rubesque)

summary: you and jack don't like each other in the slightest. but when an undercover mission throws the two of you together, what will become of your relationship? (aka - undercover enemies to lovers)

warnings: minor violence

words: 3.4k (not even sorry)

a/n: let me just start by saying, I know my action sequences aren’t the best, but I'm trying to get better. that said, I absolutely adored writing this story, and I hope everyone enjoys it! a lot of thought went into it, so please please let me know what you think!

oOoOo

As you strode towards Chief Dooley’s office, you noticed Jack coming up behind you out of the corner of your eye. Rolling your shoulders back, you tried to ignore his presence even as he was merely steps behind you, almost purposefully trying to catch the back of your heel. Right as you raised your hand to wrap your knuckles against the Chief’s office door, you let out a frustrated sigh.

“Is there something I can help you with?” you spit out, spinning around to face Jack, wishing you could wipe that smug smirk off his face.

“Never in a thousand years, y/l/n. It seems you’re in my way.” he said, trying to step around you and knock on the door himself.

Rolling your eyes, you blocked the door with your body. “Look, I know you think your daily suck-up sessions with the Chief will get you a promotion, but I was personally asked by Chief Dooley to meet with him, so move along.” you told Jack proudly, ready to see his anger bubble over.

To your surprise, Jack’s grin simply widened as he leaned in. “Me too, sweetheart.” he whispered, leaving you speechless, and pushing past you to knock on the door.

Collecting yourself, you quickly entered the office first, standing in front of the Chief’s desk with your hands behind your back. Every so often, your eyes flitted over to Jack, wondering what the Chief could possibly want with the both of you. It was no secret to any agent in the SSR that you and Jack had a strained relationship to say the least. From your first day, Jack had mistaken you as a secretary, thus beginning a long hate-hate relationship. Even to this day, Jack was one of the most pig-headed men you had the displeasure of knowing.

“Alright, I’ll get straight to the point. I’m sending the two of you on an undercover mission to retrieve sensitive, government information.” Chief Dooley explained. “The most opportune time to retrieve it will be during the American Gala in Washington D.C. hosted by a Mr. Mark Williams. The two of you will pose as husband and wife –“

“That’s a real funny joke, Chief.” Jack interrupted, looking shocked at the prospect of going undercover with you.

“Oh, please, Thompson. You’d be lucky if you could ever convince me to marry you.” you shot back.

“I’d rather go undercover as husband and wife with Krzeminski.”

Before you could move to smack Jack’s arm or throw another insult his way, Chief Dooley stood up, slamming his hands on his desk. “Enough! It’s like dealing with a couple of damn toddlers.” he scolded, instantly causing a wave of shame to wash over you and Jack. “Now, can the two of you act like the federal agents you are, or do I need to find two other agents?” he asked, staring both of you down.

“No, sir.” you mumbled, hearing a similar sentiment leave Jack’s lips.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Chief Dooley sat back down. “Now, as I was saying. The two of you are scheduled to leave in two days, and here are files with all you need to know on the target and your responsibilities.” he continued.

The moment you were dismissed, you stormed out of the Chief’s office and made your way back to your desk. Picking up the nearest piece of paperwork, you stared at the words for a moment before shoving it to the side, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“Everything all right?” Peggy asked, coming up behind you and setting a mug of coffee down on your desk.

“Chief Dooley is sending me on an undercover mission – with Thompson.” you explained, running your hands down your face.

Peggy looked amused by your so-called bad news and shook her head at your oblivious nature. “Perhaps, it will give you the opportunity to recognize your feelings for Agent Thompson.” she suggested casually.

“Feelings?” you nearly shrieked. “The only feeling I have for Agent Thompson is the feeling of dread every time I see him.” you argued.

“If you say so, dear.” Peggy placated as she walked away.

oOoOo

The entire plane ride to D.C. was filled with tense silence as you poured over the case file the entire time. The only noise that came from Jack was the tapping of his foot against the floor and his pen against the table.

“Do you have to do that?” you finally snapped, reaching forward to snatch the pen out of his hand.

Holding his up in mock surrender, Jack chuckled. “Woah, sweetheart, you might want to be a bit nicer considering we are married and all.” he teased.

“Listen,” you started, voice low and serious. “I know that you joke around and don’t always take everything seriously, but this mission is important to me. You have no idea how hard it is working in that office as a woman, and this mission is my chance to prove myself. I will not have it be ruined by the likes of you.”

For once, Jack had no quick remark to offer, instead he was simply stunned by your speech. Silently admitting defeat, Jack conceded to your wishes. “Alright, I’m sorry, y/l/n.”

You were slightly taken aback by how easy that had been. Perhaps you didn’t give Jack enough credit. “Thank you.” you responded, turning back to your files.

The rest of the flight followed in relative silence, Jack or you only speaking when you had questions or needed clarification from the files. It didn’t pass your mind the subtle looks Jack threw your way, but you ignored them, focused on the task at hand. If he had something to say, he could say it. However, the moment the plane landed, you were whisked away to your separate hotel rooms to prepare for the gala, watching Jack walk away.

oOoOo

It was only when Jack heard the clack of your heels against the marble stairs that he turned around and froze, watching your descent. The y/f/c dress you had donned flattered your figure in every sense, and Jack swore you were an angel in that moment. He suddenly felt aware of the way his breath had quickened, and the way his hands shook the tiniest bit from the nerves. So lost in his own mind, Jack didn’t even notice he had yet to take his eyes off of you.

“Is there something on me?” you asked, suddenly feeling very bashful from Jack’s gaze.

“No, no it’s just – uh – I mean,” Jack stuttered, running a hand through his perfectly gelled hair. “you clean up nice, y/l/n.”

“Not too bad yourself there either, Thompson.” you teased, flashing Jack a dazzling smile.

It was true that Jack looked absolutely dashing in his suit, making your knees just a bit week as you had walked down to meet him. His compliment sent a flutter through your chest, and you were brought back to Peggy’s comment about feelings. Perhaps, deep down, all the back-and-forth bickering had simply been a disguise for something else. But you couldn’t let yourself think about that now, not when you had a mission to complete.

Right as you were about to walk into the ballroom, Jack grabbed your wrist gently, stopping you in your tracks. Before you could question his action, he held up his hand and wiggled his finger, a metal band gleaming in the low light. “Now what kind of husband would I be if didn’t give you a ring?” he asked before pulling a small box out of his jacket pocket and producing a beautiful, sparkling engagement ring.

Carefully, Jack lifted your left hand and slid the cool metal over your ring finger until the diamond rested perfectly against your skin. It was difficult to fight the spark of energy when Jack grabbed your hand and the way he gently rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand.

“There.” he whispered, staring into your y/e/c eyes, a soft smile replacing that smirk that typically resided on his lips.

The two of you stood in the foyer for a moment, lost in the other’s gaze until other couples around you laughed and chatted on their way into the ballroom, breaking the spell. Ever the gentleman, Jack offered his arm, which you accepted, leading you both into the belly of the beast. Walking into said ballroom was breathtaking, the entire room being decorated from floor to ceiling with gold accents; however, you forced yourself to stay focused on the mission at hand.

A quick scan of the room showed you multiple entry/exit points, as well as a good estimate of the security posted throughout the room. Beside you, Jack was doing the same before his eyes widened slightly. Following his line of sight, you noticed your target for the evening, Mark Williams, surrounded by a group of people. While your first instinct was to go straight to the source, you knew that would raise alarms and potentially jeopardize the mission.

“Care for a dance?” Jack asked, having the same idea as you when he noticed Williams leading his wife to the dance floor.

Wordlessly, you allowed Jack to lead you towards the dance floor where he rested a warm, gentle hand on the small of your back while his other hand intertwined with your fingers. A small gasp left your lips from the proximity between you and Jack, and it was difficult to not become intoxicated by his cologne. For a moment, you allowed yourself to admire Jack’s strong jaw, piercing eyes, and the few hairs that had fallen out of place under the golden light the room provided.

The music began to pick up, and you let out a surprised cry of delight as Jack spun you around the floor, selling every bit of the perfectly happy couple. After one such spin, Jack brought you closer and whispered that you had caught the attention of Williams. Glancing over your shoulder, you saw the man staring in your direction.

“Trust me.” you told Jack under your breath before you took the lead and danced the two of you straight into your target. “Oh golly, I am so sorry, sir.” you apologized, feigning innocence. “I’m such a clutz, I don’t know why you bring me to these events, dear.” you said, aiming the second half of your sentence to Jack.

“Lord knows why, sweetie.” Jack responded, quickly catching onto your act. “Sorry again, sir. My wife said it herself – she can be a real clutz.”

Mark Williams flashed a quick smirk, looking your body up and down, seemingly sizing the two of you up. “No harm done, pretty lady. I’m Mark Williams. Mind making it up to me with a dance? That is, if your husband doesn’t mind.” he asked, though both you and Jack knew it was more a command.

“It’s the least I can do.” you giggled, accepting Williams’ hand, and letting him pull you away from Jack just like you thought he would.

Immediately, the band in the corner struck up a slower tune, and Williams placed a hand on your waist and began to awkwardly sway off beat. Unlike Jack’s soft, warm hands, this felt cold and unforgiving, and you forced yourself to swallow back the nausea.

“So, you must be used to all the glamor of these events, huh? Being a powerful man and whatnot.” you flirted, batting your eyelashes to help sell your act.

“You could say that, though they get pretty boring after a while. But having someone like you here helps to pass the time.” Williams said, slipping his hand further down your back.

Humming in response, you used the distraction to subtly reach your hand into Williams’ jacket pocket where you silently cheered when your hand touched a key – which you assumed unlocked his office. Carefully, you slipped it into your own pocket before squeezing William’s bicep with a smile to keep his suspicions down. Before he could slip his hand down any further, you pushed back gently and flashed an apologetic smile.

“Excuse me for a moment.” you purred, slipping away to the nearest hallway, keeping an eye out for Jack. Suddenly, an arm shot out and grabbed your wrist, pulling you further down the hallway. You nearly let out a shout of surprise before you saw that it was Jack.

“Are you done flirting or what?” he hissed, eyes narrowed, and chest puffed out.

Rolling your eyes, you flashed him the key you had slipped into the pocket of your dress. “Didn’t take you for the jealous type, Thompson.” you teased, scanning the doors for Williams’ office.

Once you reached the door, you quickly unlocked his office and ushered Jack in, quietly closing the door behind you and locking it. The office itself was spotless, leaving you no clue as to where the files could be hidden. Wordlessly, you and Jack split up, searching through every nook and cranny in order to complete your mission.

It wasn’t long before a soft “found it” came from Jack’s side of the room. Rushing over, you peered at the document in front of him to confirm that it was the correct document. Joy filled your body when you saw that your mission was a success.

Placing a hand on Jack’s bicep, you beamed at him. “Jack this is amazing, we did it!” you celebrated.

Jack let out a small chuckle, enjoying the way you were so excited. He glanced down at your hand on his arm, then back towards you where he locked his eyes with yours. Some unknown force took over you, causing the two of you to lean in towards each other, lips inching closer. Just as you could feel his warm breath on your face and almost touch his lips, loud rattling and banging came from the two, pulling the two of you apart instantly.

“Williams.” you both whispered, looking for a way out.

An open window caught your eye, and you ripped the file out of Jack’s hand as you pushed him towards said window. “Go, or neither of us are going to make it out of here.” you said through clenched teeth.

Jack hesitated a moment before he ran to climb out of the window, instantly turning around to offer you a helping hand. Right as you jumped out, the office door burst open, and Williams appeared with a half dozen bodyguards. He caught a flash of your dress and noticed the torn apart file cabinet, quickly putting two and two together.

“Shit! Get those two, dead or alive, and bring me back that file!” he shouted, pointing in the direction of your escape

It wasn’t long before bullets whizzed past your head as you and Jack ran through the garden towards the getaway car. Adrenaline pumped through your veins, minimizing the dull ache on the side of your arm you eventually felt. All you could think about was getting yourself and Jack out of there in one piece.

The moment the car came into view, you pushed yourself further and faster, sliding into the passenger seat as Jack started the engine and drove off with a squeal. There were still bullets that banged against the car, but once Jack stepped on the gas and swerved off the beaten road, you finally allowed yourself a breath of relief.

“Please tell me after all that, you still have the damn file.” Jack said, glancing to his side at your crumpled figure.

Slamming a, albeit slightly bent, manilla file folder onto the dashboard, you let out a dry chuckle. “You’re welcome. Maybe, for once, Thompson, you can just admit that I actually know what I’m – shit!” you suddenly groaned, clutching the side of your arm, and pulling away to reveal red, sticky fingers.

Jack looked over once more at your groan of pain and slammed on the breaks the moment he saw blood. “You got shot?” he all but shouted, turning your body so he could see where a bullet had lodged itself into the side of your arm.

“Thank you, Sherlock.” you breathed out, squeezing your eyes shut as Jack poked and prodded the area. “You’re gonna need to dig it out.” you told him after he continued to sit in silence.

“I know!” Jack snapped, before sighing upon seeing your reaction and approaching the situation softer. “I know, I know, I’m sorry.” he said before stepping out of the car and grabbing the first aid box from the trunk.

Jack quickly opened the passenger side of the door and knelt down so he could reach your wound. “This is gonna sting.” Jack whispered before he began to clean the wound with some of the alcohol from the kit, wincing along with you.

Jack felt his heart clench as you gripped his shoulder in pain, biting your lip. It became even worse when he started to remove the bullet from your arm, though there was nothing that he could do. There was silence between you and Jack, leaving Jack to his own devices. Seeing the blood on your hands and having to dig a bullet out of you made Jack feel as though he had been the one to be shot. In fact, he wished he had been to avoid you going through this pain.

“Got it.” Jack finally announced, throwing the bullet to the side and wrapping your arm in gauze.

“Thank you.” you said, letting out one more hiss of pain.

Instead of responding, Jack let his hand linger on your arm as he poured over every inch of your body, trying to determine if you had been injured anywhere else. There was such an intensity in his eyes that you couldn’t believe this was the same man you bickered with on an almost hourly basis. It had to be some kind of trick your eyes were playing on you from the pain.

“There you go, you’ll be alright.” Jack reassured you, tying the final strip of bandage around your arm, his hands lingered gently. “I gotta say, you really know how to give a fella a heart attack, y/n.”

“Oh please, I’m sure you would’ve forgotten all about me and reveled in all the attention you’d receive from the Chief.” you shot back, deflecting any emotions that could make you look weak and vulnerable.

Jack’s face morphed into one of hurt, and you felt guilty at the way his titled head and soft eyes made him look like a lost puppy. “Is that what you really think of me? That I wouldn’t care if you didn’t make it out of this mission?”

“You don’t like me, Jack. And I don’t like you. That’s how we’ve always operated, what else could I have possibly interpreted from that?” you argued, frustrated that he seemed to be dragging this conversation on.

“That’s not true, and you know it, y/n.” Jack countered, taking both of your hands in his grasp. “Both of us know deep down that this enemies act is self-defense, but I know that after tonight, I can’t pretend anymore. And I’m pretty sure you don’t want to either.”

For the second time that night, Jack cupped your cheeks in his hand, and leaned in. His lips hovered over yours for just a moment, giving you the chance to change your mind, but you launched yourself forward and finally kissed Jack Thompson. The kiss was sweet, but passionate, years of pent-up feelings bubbling over the surface. Jack pulled you close to his body while your fingers played with the hair and the nape of his neck. You had never allowed yourself to imagine this moment, but in that moment you knew you could get used to be kissed by Jack for the rest of your life.

Eventually, the two of you pulled away, foreheads leaning against each other, and your breath the only thing that could be heard in the night air. Jack’s thumb brushed against your cheek, and you leaned into his touch, now unable to reject his touch.

“Wow,” you breathed out. “maybe we should bottle our feelings like that again.” you teased.

“No, I don’t want to not be able to kiss you again.” Jack whispered, before he pulled you back in for another kiss, grateful you were safe in his arms, giving him the rest of his life to spend with you, and making Peggy five dollars richer.

oOoOo

tagging: @sarcasm-n-insomnia @bde-break-down-energy

[deluluass]

all yours; all mine

71 and 58 with Atsumu pleaseeese. I just love this man and I would appreciate it if you wrote something with him. Youre so talented!💕 — anon

sidenote: anon, i hope u know that u have a very special place in my heart for being the first ask ive ever received. i hope u are well & having a gr8 day ;U;

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; daddy kink; mild angst; implied post-breakup depression; toxic relationship/s

Breakups are a messy business. A lot of crying, begging, screaming (if it's that type of a breakup). Whatever it is, breakups generally inspire intense— so-intense-it-could-get-you-kicked-out-if-you're-in-a-public-place, high-strung, and the most unpleasant kind of emotions. 

It’s understandable, considering you’re losing the person you love. 

But he doesn't even look upset.

"Aah," Atsumu sing-songed, twirling the plastic stirrer between his fingers. "Ya wanna call it off?"

The heat from the mug bit your skin as you gripped it. 

"What?" you choked, shaking your head. "I didn't say that, Atsumu. I only-"

He scoffed. "Fuckin'- ya just did."

You finally looked up at him, porcelain clinking as you placed your drink back on the saucer. Ball cap on,  muscles filling up and straining his hoodie and jeans; even in an outfit that almost concealed him he never fails to take your breath away. 

Only, it's for a different reason this time.

"I said that I-" you cleared your throat. "I want- I want you to-"

"I get it, I get it." Atsumu sighed, waving his hand nonchalantly. "Let's break up, then."

He was already standing up and he didn't even deign to meet your eyes. You didn't expect much when you'd travelled all the way to Tokyo just to have a talk with him. After all, the last conversation you had was over the phone. (And that, too, did not go well). 

Though, is it too much to expect he'd at least listen to what you have to say?

"Tsumu-kun! Wait!" 

Some customers were already staring, urging you to hide, hop on the next train, and run back home; away from the cold scrutiny of strangers. 

But not now. Not when what you have with him is hanging on a balance.

"Please, sit down and- and let's talk," you huffed, voice and hand trembling as you held onto his.

Breakups are a messy business, you heard.

A lot of crying. A lot of begging. A lot of screaming. Whichever kind it is, don't breakups usually inspire only the most intense emotions?

But he doesn't even look upset, doesn't even look like he feels anything other than a passing irritation, as if you were a fly buzzing in his ear, when he told you, "I know this is ya first rodeo, but yer gonna find someone new eventually, hm?"

It's been a long time coming, Atsumu thinks. He'd known for quite a while now that his relationship with you would end, actually, ever since you'd wanted to include "feelings" and "trust" and "opening up" into the mix. 

"Why?" he'd laughed at your face once. "What? Ya ain't happy? That it? We got somethin' good goin' on don't we?"

He didn't get it, at first. You'd always been your cheerful, bubbly self; never failing to be that one sunny spot when his day gets too pesky and such a pain in the ass. You were happy.

Until you weren't. 

"You don't.. tell me things," you muttered, fiddling with your hands on the kitchen table. "Which is fine! I'm not- go at your pace, but- but know that I'd listen to you. Always. I'm here, 'Tsumu."

And it wasn't as if he didn't try. It's just that Atsumu realized, a few months later, that he wasn't any good at it. 

Every time he'd lay it all out in front of you⁠— every tiny and pathetic and gritty part of him, you would eventually take him in your arms. So much smaller, weaker than his and yet Atsumu did not mind if it could be his entire world. 

Then, a thought would creep in, like a thief that'd stab him in his sleep. In the safety of those tender arms, with those guileless eyes peering at him, Atsumu would think that he'd rather stay there forever, cling onto you until he bites the dust.  

It disgusted him. 

Atsumu couldn't stand it. Because if he could be anything in this short life, he'd choose to be perfect. And that- that wasn't it. 

So he avoided it when the occasion arose. Diverting the subject to mundane stuff was easy, at first. The weather, the new show you're binging, your slacker of a boss, what happened back in the game. When that didn't work⁠— well, there were other ways. 

(His favorite was sticking his tongue in your wet cunt, to prod at the soft walls with the tip, and to lap and suck at the clit until you're begging for the stretch of his fat cock.)

The break up was understandable. When you'd greeted him in the café as if you'd spent the entire time you were apart crying, Atsumu knew it was over. 

You just repeated what you'd always said. It's okay to be vulnerable. If he needs some time to work out the right words then you'd always wait because I love you, 'Tsumu. 

(But there was that feeling again. Like he could die on the spot if you would so much as leave his sight.)

(Ending it was the only way out. When poison seeps itself into the bloodstream, you're left with no choice but to cut off a part of you.)

Unlike others, he can say that it was a clean parting. You wanted something and he was bad at it. And because he hated fucking up, Atsumu decided to leave. Easy. 

Really, the only people who didn't understand were his teammates.

"That's strange," Hinata spat, rice bursting to his chin when he suddenly faced Atsumu. "I don't think I've seen her for weeks now."

He could hear barely suppressed groans  behind him, no doubt from Bokuto and the others, before their spiker blurted out a confused, "What?"

Because, of course, Hinata could only mean one "her.” (There had only ever been one that Atsumu Miya allowed inside the team's gymnasium; inside his circle of friends; inside his life.)

Apparently, except for Hinata Shoyo, everyone had caught on that the both of you had thrown in the towel, so to speak. (And here they thought the guy's finally in it for real.)

"Nah, it's fine," Atsumu smirked, addressing it to everyone gathered around Samu's onigiri stand.  

"We broke up." 

He clicked his tongue. "It's not like there ain't no other fish in the sea."

The remark, casually said in between sips of cold coffee, was met with a gaping silence. 

That turned out to be right, like everything else that he'd predicted. 

A hole is a hole is a hole is a hole. No disrespect meant to you. But before you there had been many others who'd helped warm his bed. It just so happened that you got to stay for far longer. 

(Because waking up next to you meant waking up to that dreamy look, as if whoever's in charge up there has finally given you everything you've ever wanted.)

(And when he greets you with a hoarse good morning you say it back with eyes that tell him he's worth it, simply for being there.)

Anyway, going back to that old routine hadn't been difficult. 

(Except when he finally does it with someone new, for some reason he keeps searching for a different touch, expecting that endearing combination of inexperience and enthusiasm.)

(And when they cum he can't help but put a hand on their mouth, around their throat, because he's hearing the wrong voice, seeing the wrong face.) 

It's obvious, looking at him. Everyone can see that life's going pretty well for Atsumu. He can only hope that the same goes for you.

"You're miserable."

Peeling your attention away from the mother braiding her young daughter's hair, you hurriedly brought it back to the two women sitting in front of you.

"See?" Aya swung her hand in your direction. "Not even listening."

"No, no," you giggled sheepishly. Kaori was already pursing her lips.

"No, seriously. I am."

You sat upright, setting the chopsticks on your bento box. 

"Then what was it she said?" Kaori pressed. She folded her arms and you knew you were in trouble. 

"Uh..huh." You nodded. "Right. So. Um...."

"You didn't catch it," said Kaori.

"I didn't catch it," you winced.

Both girls sighed. 

The first three buttons of their blouses were open, the heat of the afternoon getting to them. And as they leaned back against the wooden bench, you had a feeling that they were about to give you the Conversation that's been waiting to happen for two long months.

That's why you'd decided to start it before they could. Just so it won't linger anymore painfully so.

“I know what you're going to say."

They only raised their brows, a mere "okay, go on" than an actual expression of surprise. 

"I've been sad. I haven't been..fine. That is true," you inhaled, preparing yourself for the agonizing part. Then, you released your breath.

"Ever since..'Tsu-" you gulped. "Ever since breaking up with Atsumu I haven't been feeling like myself but nowadays I'm getting back on my feet and I'm still working see so really there's no need to worry okay? Okay."

Aya grinned, but it didn't hold her usual devil-may-care humor to it. 

"You say that," she started, "but we’ll probably always be if you keep at that- at that⁠—"

"You're rarely in the moment," Kaori supplied, to which Aya replied with a harsh thank you. "You're distracted. And we know you're trying your best to be okay on your own. We've given you space, but remember that you have us."

Something was lodged in your chest and you found it hard to breathe. You'd missed them. You hadn't realized it, but you missed your friends. 

So much.

"Thank you," you whispered, forcing back  tears. "I- I wouldn't know what to do if it not for you two-"

"Hold it." Aya raised a palm. "Before you get corny again. Can I just say, I know he's your first dick-"

"Aya," Kaori murmured.

"And we all know it was good-"

"Aya," you hissed.

Your face burned as you searched from left to right, making sure no innocent being heard her.

"But can I just say," she slapped a palm on the surface of the table. "I don't care what you or the TV or his fans say about him! But the man's a walking red flag since day one!"

Kaori rolled her eyes. And despite yourself you couldn't keep a chuckle from bubbling. 

"Here we go again."

Aya almost rose from her seat. "When he sent that poor dude from accounting to the ER for just, I don't know, breathing your way, I knew something was up!"

You felt your smile die. 

That had been the first time it happened. You'd asked him what's wrong, after you'd rushed to the hospital, and all he gave you was silence. A whole day of it. He hadn't spoken a word about it, only that he'd warned you not to talk to that bastard again, or else.

(You'd learned, much, much later, that he doesn't do well with people that annoy him. That's what he said. You wanted to know more, but he suddenly decided that he had to make it up to you between the sheets.)

Kaori touched your hand. "Talk to us," she whispered.

You hummed as you shook your head. "I just remembered him," you said, only half of the truth.

If they knew it, they didn't let on. But Aya did say, "Tell you what. Company outing's upon us. So you know what that means?"

"Oh, I don't know," you mumbled apologetically. "I might sit this one out."

"No," Kaori gritted. 

Aya held your face with both hands as she  stared you down.

"You will buy yourself a new swimsuit. You will enjoy that cheap beach resort." 

The heaviness was lifting, bit by bit, as you felt your stomach ache with laughter. And with each silly word uttered by your friends, you could almost see the gray clouds overhead disappearing. Even for a little while.

"And you, you beautiful person you," Aya beamed. "Will finally, finally get laid."

Having best friends who are dead set on helping you get over an ex is a fearsome thing to behold, indeed. 

You couldn't even get a word in edgewise as they took you in a whirlwind of spas, salons, mani-pedis, and shopping bags. 

"Calm down. You rarely spend for yourself," Kaori told you when she'd caught you peeking forlornly at the frightening bill you'd amassed. 

But, try as you might to miss owning a fat wallet, you couldn't deny that you have no regrets wasting your money away. Not even for a single cent. Because you did feel amazing.

And when the day arrived, you couldn't help at the giddiness of having compliment after compliment thrown your way. 

"Is that really you?" said a co-worker when you'd boarded the bus. "You're glowing!"

During the games, as well, you'd often hear "Love the new look!" and "Have I ever told you before that you're so pretty? Because you are." And you'd preen with a soft-spoken thank you, having been taught by Kaori that denying a compliment makes one look stupid.  

It was so silly, honestly. Though not the part where, after a lovely comment, you'd be emboldened to strike an actual conversation. Learning that a coworker has a new baby now, or that so and so has recently moved up the corporate ladder; learning that, during your period of grief and self-pity (and even during the blissful time you’d spent with Atsumu), there were so many things you hadn't noticed.

You basked in it: the shower of pleasantries and anecdotes that had you feeling soft and fuzzy inside. The same way you lazed on the sandbar, clutching tiny conch shells in your hand, as you watched the sun tinge the sparkling waves with warm light.   

"Hey."

You jolted, turning towards the person who'd called your name. It was him. "Poor dude from accounting" as Aya dubbed him.

"Sano-san," you gasped, reaching for the towel beside you to cover up. "How- how are you?" 

Of all the people in your office, he was the last one you wanted to see. Solely for the reason that things have been awkward between you ever since that incident. A working relationship characterized by the literal turning of the other cheek whenever you two bumped into each other.

"Oh, pardon me," he scratched the back of his head. "Do you..want me to go?"

Yes. 

"No..!" you blurted out. "I think-"

The sun was almost setting. You wrapped the towel around you as you took in the balmy sea breeze. 

"I think I'm done hiding," you whispered, meeting his gaze for the first time in a long while, head on and baring the tiniest hint of shame, like how you did with your friends and other coworkers.

He didn't say anything, allowing you to continue. "I- It's nice. Talking to people again," you giggled. "Look, Sano-san. About before, I'm really sor-"

"Actually," he smiled. "That's why I'm here. Well, my partner pushed me but-"

You grinned at the blush that rose to his cheeks. 

"But I wanted to tell you: No hard feelings."

Sano-san extended a hand. You stared at it for a few seconds. His hand, then his face. Back to his hand, then his face again. And when you'd finally accepted it, it felt like witnessing the cage that’s imprisoned you for centuries finally open.

"By the way," he added, walking back towards an obviously amused fianceé. "It's a good look on you, being happy."

Atsumu entertained the possibility that maybe— just maybe, not everything was  fine the night the Jackals went home after an overseas tournament.

As soon as the plane landed on Japanese soil, the hunger he felt throughout the journey morphed into some kind of  anticipation, palpable through the thrill that electrified him into wakefulness. He might have left in a hurry, only half of his mind present when the Coach ordered for a short meeting. 

His foot tapped endlessly on the way⁠— while in the car; during the tedious elevator ride⁠— and when he'd finally entered his pad, slamming the door open with much eagerness than usual, Atsumu felt his heart plummet down his stomach when he was welcomed by a dark and empty hallway. 

You're not here. Not anymore.

Hasn't it been almost half a year now? Why did he expect you, face brightened by a grin that went from ear to ear, to materialize in front of him, with the smell of something delicious wafting from the kitchen? As if a magician with a hat trick.   

("Welcome back!" he was aching to hear.)

(You always insisted on eating with him when he got home; sometimes opting to just stay by his side⁠— munching on a midnight snack while you babbled on, if he arrived later than usual and you'd already had dinner.)

("It's lonely having a meal on your own," you explained. "Don't you think food tastes better if you have someone with you?")

Perhaps it was the jet lag. Or, it could be that the abrupt change in time zones was starting to mess with his head. Either way, Atsumu was sure that sleep would eventually cure him of the momentary delirium. 

But then he woke up the next day feeling like someone had pissed in his morning drink. The day after that, too. Even the next had been the same, persisting onto the following weeks. 

Until one game, after a winning streak that had the crowd chanting their names and with blood still roaring in his veins, he condescended to survey the numerous people occupying the bleachers. 

And when he couldn't find one⁠— one person that had always stood out to him despite being constantly drowned in an ocean of spectators— it was only then that Atsumu Miya decided that enough was enough. 

You hadn't really agreed with Aya when she told you that you'd be getting "laid" during this short vacation. 

Reason number one: it's a company outing. And you're sure you'd be breaking some protocols by fooling around with any of your coworkers. Reason Two: as you'd sagely imparted to a miffed Aya, "I don't think it's nice to cure a broken heart with sex; strings attached or no."

That being said, the lingerie she'd chosen for you did flatter your figure. It didn't matter that "no one would see it," as Aya grumbled. It was enough for you that you yourself saw it, you thought as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror. 

The way it was tailored made it seem like it was made just for your body. The details of lace also made it look so pretty that you felt kind of sad that you'd have to cover it up with a summer dress soon. 

Nevertheless, you allowed yourself to strike a few poses in front of the mirror; feeling like a teenager on their first date as you admired how you looked in it. 

You smiled to yourself, humming a tune, before you opened your makeup kit and prepared the necessities you'd be bringing for the bonfire dinner. 

"Wipes: check," you murmured, rummaging through your bag. "Hygiene stuff. Where are you hygiene stuff, hygiene stu⁠—"

You froze.

Something rustled. Outside. As if something had moved. 

Putting a robe back on, your heart thundered against your chest as you stepped out of the bathroom and into the dimly lit sleeping area, illuminated only by a small reading lamp.

"Be careful there, girlie," the old caretaker warned as she guided you to this room. "Lots of mean spirits lurking about."

You didn't believe in ghosts. For some reason, however, your coworkers did. So you'd taken it to yourself to move here after a room assignment mishap, leaving Aya and Kaori behind. 

It didn't seem like the cursed chamber that she purported to be. Sure, it was isolated at the furthest wing of the beach house, away from the other rooms and separated by a too dark hallway. But that had been the creepiest thing about it. Besides, you heard from logistics that renting the house didn't cost much, despite its size, so maybe it's just that they lacked the resources to renovate. 

The floorboards creaked beneath you. "Aya? Aya, I know it's you," you called out as you squinted, catching a faint silhouette reclined at the corner of the bed. 

It was too large to be Aya, but you chalked that up to the shadows playing with your eyes. You puffed out a chortle, resting a hand on your hips when she finally stood.   

"Very funny, Aya," you snorted when she sauntered towards you. "Just you wait until Kaori hears about.…" you trailed off.

"......this."

You drew in a breath as she moved closer, revealing a build that was much taller, towering almost in the small room, shoulders that are way broader than the ones your friend has, and a face that clearly wasn't Aya's.

"Evenin'," Atsumu yawned. 

Your legs refused to listen to you.

"Been a minute, hadn't it, darlin'?"

You don't know why he's here. 

And even if you wanted to ask, you find that no sound could escape from your mouth when you tried to open it.

You do know this, as he gave you a lopsided grin that used to have you eating at the palm of his hand, along with a lazy gaze that was belied by a bird-like focus:

That although he told you that all he wants is a little chat, you knew that he didn't come here just for that.

You ran.

Atsumu had been the worst boyfriend.

He's aware of it now, realized it fully when he knocked on Samu's door, shit-faced, and it only took a single look and a consoling arm from his brother to break Atsumu into tears and snot, as well as Samu's voice telling him, "Yer a big baby. Ya need her, dontcha?"

That's why he followed you here, figuring that you'd love a thoughtful surprise. Because you always have. He didn't expect you'd take to it kindly, of course, not right away. But he also didn't expect that you would be doing the surprising.

You were talking to that man when he arrived. 

Didn't he tell you not to?

His intentions still haven't changed. He's here to bring you back, but before anything else Atsumu's sure it's only normal that you guys clear things up first. 

And if you're going to do that, he can't have you running away now, can't he?

Grabbing you by the waist, Atsumu's palm tingled at the feel of your body, pulling you closer to him as he pinned you to the wall and stifled your shrieks with his hand.

"Everybody's gone, angel," he whispered, losing himself in your skin, though covered in silk; lips and fingers roaming every which way because finally, finally, fuckin' finally you're here and you're real.

"Just wanna talk." He stroked the curve of your ass, middle finger tracing the lining of the crack. "Ain't this what'ya always wanted? S'let's talk," he murmured against your collarbone.

You were already crying, shaky hands weakly grasping his back and tears wetting even his cheeks. Atsumu couldn't help but smile. You'd always been a crier. It's one of the many things he loves about you. Always so honest with your emotions.

"I missed ya," Atsumu groaned as he grinded his cock against your pussy, feeling it harden when he mouthed your tits.

There was something peeking out of your robe, he noticed as it became more rumpled. 

"D-don't," you breathed, your attempt to swat his hands away thwarted when he seized your wrist.

It was lace. The color pulling the eye to your body like a siren's song. And when he stripped the robe off of you, silk swishing down your elbows, Atsumu saw that it was a piece of lingerie. One that he hasn't seen before.

Because he didn't buy this one. It wasn't from him. You weren't the type to get one yourself. 

Until now.

"This for him?" he murmured, pressing a kiss against your pulse, beating like a drum against his lips. 

"Wh-who?" you whimpered.

"The ugly piece of shit. Saw you guys gettin' chummy earlier."

He was close, too close to you, back at the beach. You smiled at him, laughed and showed him what he isn't supposed to see. And when he touched you— when the fucker touched you, Atsumu wanted blood on his hands.

"Yer gonna fuck the guy whose face I busted?" 

You squeaked as he dug his blunt nails against your wrist. Atsumu licked the red impressions they made.

"And what- what about it?" Your voice was so brittle and small. God, he just wanted to hold you. "It's none of your business, who I spend my time with. And don't- don't tell me you're jealous because-"

He chuckled, the sound of it making you shrink back into the wall. "Jealous? Doll, ya wouldn't wanna know what I'm feelin right now. But, sure." Atsumu lightly nipped at the tips of your fingers. 

"'Course I'm jealous," he rasped. "You're mine."

Then, Atsumu looked at you. And what he saw in your eyes made him stumble that when you shoved him away, all he could do was stand and stare.

"I'm not your thing, Atsumu," you cried. A light-year difference from the girl who'd always stare at him so tenderly. "I never was and I never will be. I'm not yours."

You didn't run this time. You should've. 

Atsumu clenched his jaw. "Like hell ya ain't," he snarled.

People say that breakups are a messy business. Atsumu was so sure he wouldn't have to endure that, before he met you.  Now that he's had the experience, though, Atsumu can say with confidence that breakups are, in fact, a goddamn mess.

But you're over that now. It's time to turn over a new leaf and return to one another. And Atsumu's finding out, in the process, that making up can be astonishingly reminiscent of the breakup.

You started crying when you woke up, screaming for help as you tried to budge the rope that was tying your hands to your knees. You got louder when you found out that you were naked and not in the rickety confines of the beach house. 

"Welcome home, baby," he beamed, eying you from between your legs. 

The begging started when you realized how drenched your little pussy was, his tongue lapping and slathering the cum dripping from your twitching hole, against  your swollen folds; his calloused thumb massaging deep circles on your clit. 

And when he stuck another inside your puckered asshole, you writhed out of your binds and squealed, "T-tsumu-kun…!"

Fuck. 

"Babydoll," he growled. "Daddy's gotcha, daddy's gonna treat ya so fuckin' good."

He slapped your damp cunt with his long fingers, thrusting them inside to rub and feel at your walls, at the bump that never failed to make you screech. "Daddy's been mean hasn't he? Hm? Been a bad daddy to ya, baby?"

You could only gasp out wordlessly as he slurped the juices off your clit, not stopping until you were gushing, sloppy cum drizzling on the bedsheet, every muscle in spasms, incapable of even stretching out your legs although Atsumu knew you wanted to, you really wanted to so fuckin' bad, resorting to curling your toes instead. 

"E-enough, please, please, stop!"

How adorable, Atsumu thought. "My little slut," he cooed, tapping the tip of his hard cock on your pussy. "My good 'lil fucktoy."

He relished it, wanting to draw this on forever, so he slides it against your folds, pussy lips wrapping the meat of his cock, gyrating his hips back and forth, as if he were fucking you, and grabbing your tits to play with your nipples. 

"Atta girl," he laughed, licking his teeth when he finally sunk inside your tight cunt, pushing you so far down into the mattress until his chest was rubbing against your tits, your feet dangling against his shoulders.

"I don't-I don't want this, 'Tsumu," you sobbed. "Don't want this!"

Oh, of course you don't. Atsumu knows you don't. He'd fucked you against your will, after all. 

But you were taking him so well, darlin'. Your walls were hugging his cock so fuckin' nicely that he couldn't help but shove deeper inside you, craving for the way your pussy twitched rapidly around him. 

If you weren't bound, he's also sure that you'd be pushing his hips away. But that's not what's getting to him. Because as he pistoned his cock into you, heavy balls slapping against your ass, you instantly turned your face away.

Did you know that you were breaking his heart? Shattering it to pieces, when you close your eyes like doors, locking them to prevent him from ever reaching you again. 

So he gripped your chin. Forced you to meet his eyes as you wept and shook your head. 

"Am gonna be better, baby," he groaned.  "No more keeping things from ya. None of that bullshit, now."

Atsumu shivered as you came around him, convulsing under him and strained voice still begging him to stop. Because he wasn't. He would never stop. Not when it comes to you. 

"Am all yours, angel. All yours." He pounded your fucked out cunt, chasing his own high as he kneaded your tits. 

A tear fell from your eyelids. And when he kissed you, it felt like everything in his life shifted back in its rightful place. "You can have it all," he sighed, cupping your cheek.

"So give me all of you now," Atsumu pleaded. "Come back to me."

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 17

So, as promised, part 17 is her.

Be prepared to submerge our bird boy with hugs, he will need them.

I promise the chapter will end in fluff and in a good note. The angst is only for the beginning. I need to douse it a bit since from ch 19 onwards the angst gremlin will be back with a vengeance.

I hope you will love it.

A big hug to all the people who commented, reblogged or loved this fic. Thanks to all of you.

A week had gone by and Aelin and Rowan had taken the official decision to try and go back and both deal with the mess of their lives. 

The week had been perfect. Rowan had taken her hillwalking everyday and slowly she had started to feel like herself again. His presence had helped immensely. In a very short time he had become her rock. Full recovery was still a long way ahead but she felt better and with him at her side she had no more panic attacks or nightmares. 

She felt sad at the idea of leaving the cottage in the mountains but they had promised to go back for some special occasion.

*

It was morning and Rowan was getting ready to go back to work. They had set a date for the inquiry on his student’s death and that would be the day.

For once Aelin was the one worried one. She could not forget his reaction to the movie or the night he came back drunk after Fuzzy’s death. She knew he had put up a wall but hoped he would at least let her in. 

“What are you going to do?” He asked her while adjusting his tie.

“I have a meeting with Dorian and the counsellor and then I will pop in at the station and say hi to the squad and apologise.”

“Good.” His tone was detached and she moved a step to him and hugged his waist from behind “are you okay?”

He sighed “nervous. This will mean revive the entire accident over and over again.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He shook his head and kissed her “thanks for the offer but I will be fine. My squadron will be there and you have an important meeting as well.”

“Ok,” she wanted to believe him, but could not ignore his cold detached tone and Aelin had learned that it was his coping mechanism. He was not okay.

-

Rowan arrived at the airforce HQ and was met by Lorcan.

“Sir,” he stood to attention.

“At ease captain,” Rowan stood down from attention and placed his hands behind his back in a at rest pose “I am sorry it’s so quick. I knew you were coming back yesterday and I did manage to hold on until today.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Are you sure you are ready?” And for once Rowan heard concern in his CO’s voice “this is going to be brutal.”

“I know.”

“I am on the board too and we have Captain Walker from the 24th squadron and Captain Matthews from the 31st and two engineers. They have all copies of the inquiry sent to the board.”

“Who is the president?”

“Marshal Clark.” Said Lorcan in a preoccupied tone.

“Fuck. The man hates me with a vengeance.”

Rowan sighed again and sat on the bench just outside of the room used for the meeting.

His squad arrived a moment later and they patted each other’s back in support.

“We are all here.” Gavriel told him taking a seat at his side.

“Thanks everyone.”

One of the assistants appeared on the door and announced the board was ready to convene. Rowan quickly texted Aelin and switched off his mobile.

The marshal, being the president, was in the centre of the seating area. Rowan went to greet the other two captains with whom he got along nicely and had known for a long time. Then he went to the marshal and saluted as expected “at ease captain.”

Rowan went to his assigned seat and flipped through the folder in front of him. It contained all the documents they needed. His report of the accident, the reports from the engineering team and other supporting evidence.

Marshal Clark called everyone to attention and declared the board in session. He then proceeded to explain to the members the accident that had happened.

One of the engineers who had performed checks after the aircraft had been recovered was asked to present his findings “after the analysis of the recovered aircraft and after having studied the dynamics of the accident we have found out that the main cause for the engine failure was a disruption in the airflow in the port intake causing it to stall with enough yaw rate to induce a flat spin. Cadet Williamson, according to the records of the accident, flew in the jet wash of one of his classmate’s aircrafts. That caused the airflow disruption. The stall was unrecoverable.” explained the engineer reading from his report “with regard to the canopy, we have found a fault in some model of jets used by the students where the charges did not operate correctly, causing the canopy to separate incorrectly. All those planes are grounded and now being checked.”

“Thank you.” Said the marshal, then his gaze turned to Rowan “Captain Whitethorn, stand please.”

Rowan did so.

“Could you please re tell the board the events that lead to the death of the cadet?”

Rowan took a deep breath and retold step by step what happened. It was still vivid in his mind that it would take ages before he could forget it.

“Did you tell the cadet to eject?”

“I did, sir.”

“Why?” Asked the marshal with inquisitive tone.

“He had lost control of the aircraft. From the black box retrieved from his jet he had pulled 9g after he started spiralling. From my position I could see that he was about to pass out. Ejecting the seat had been the safest option. Little did I know that the canopy would fail.”

The two other captains nodded in agreement, knowing full well that they would have suggested the same thing.

“Would the cadet have survived if he had more high G training?”

“Sir,” Rowan almost growled at his superior “his jet was under 9g for almost ten seconds before crashing in the water. Not even an experienced and highly trained pilot can sustain or survive that.” He breathed again “and you know better than me that centrifuge training can be done only with some weekly limits due to its dangers.”

“Had the cadets received basic procedures on how to properly eject and when?”

“Yes, sir. It’s one of the first things they are taught. They are shown how to properly deploy their parachute and how to blow the canopy. Training is also done in different conditions to simulate possible combat scenery.”

“Training was not the issue here,” said Lorcan going in Rowan’s support “Captain Whitethorn is one of our most experienced instructors and hundreds of students have survived his crushing training and are still alive today because of what he has taught them.”

“The post mortem also backed the cause of death in the crash of the body against the canopy.” Added captain Matthews.

“What kind of training were you doing that day?” The marshal continued, ignoring the protests.

“We were going through some basic dogfight routines. The cadets were only five months out of the academy so we were just covering the basics as per fighter school curriculum.” Answered Rowan who felt lost all of a sudden.

“Would the manoeuvre you had practiced put the boy in a position to be in another jet’s wake? Didn’t you teach them how to stay away from the jet wash of another aircraft during a dogfight?” The marshal had an agenda, that was very clear to Rowan. He was trying to blame this on him.

Captain Walker stood angrily “why are we attacking captain Whitethorn? The problem was that the engine stalled due to the jet wash from another aircraft. An experienced fighter might have been able to find a way out of such deadly spiral, the gods know I have found myself in that situation and got out of it by pure damn luck. Not a cadet five months out of the academy. It’s our job to teach them such manoeuvres but only after they have mastered the basics.” He sat down again nodding at Rowan.

“A good instructor would have taught his students how to fly in close formation and to avoid the wake of a team mate. A captain should know what such manoeuvre could cause.” Continued the marshal who had taken the fight to Rowan.

Lorcan stood angrily “That is enough.” He shouted.

“I would suggest you to sit down, Air commodore.”

“Not when you accuse my best instructor of being the cause of the death of a student.”

“It is my job as president of this board to try and figure out what happened.”

“I told two of my students they were too close. I advised another one not to drop below hard deck. I care about the safety of my students.” Rowan almost growled at the marshal “also, I stand by my decision to order cadet Williamson to eject. Had the canopy worked he’d be alive now.”

The marshal nodded and with a bored expression he then went back to the engineering team and they discussed the canopy issue.

Rowan let them talk and his brain disconnected completely and tried to ignore the pain from what had just transpired.

He sat in silence listening to the rest of the board discuss in the background. 

The marshal eventually called the board to attention “Following the evidence provided by the engineering team and the testimony of captain Whitethorn I declare that the death of cadet Williamson was caused by the port engine stall due to airflow disruption in the intake. The commission also noted that the flat spin in which the cadet went in was not recoverable. Captain Whitethorn is cleared of any faults.” Rowan noticed the disappointment on the man’s face for the fact the had been cleared of any faults.

The marshal then turned to Lorcan “Commodore, I expect you to keep the students grounded until the training jets have been fixed.”

“Yes, sir.”

“The board is dismissed.” Clark stood and walked out.

The other two captain went to Rowan “I had no idea the bastard would try to blame you for this.”captain Matthews added with fury.

“I would have told my students to eject as well. It was the only option.” Added captain Walker.

But Rowan was not listening. It hurt too much, knowing that someone had tried to blame the death of his student on him. That the marshal had to question all of his choices and possibly his training methods.

Lorcan and his squadron were at his side as soon as the room was clear.

“The arsehole has some guts.” Commented Fenrys but Gavriel elbowed him.

Rowan stood in a daze and left the room ignoring the voices of his team calling him.

*

Aelin’s meeting with Dorian and the counsellor had gone better than she expected. Thanks to Rowan she had been able to open up and talk to them about what happened and how she had been before her escape and what had prompted her to flee. She admitted to them her fears.

She felt much better but she had confessed that she did not feel ready to go back in action. She felt okay about going back to the station and work from the office but was not ready yet to be in a fire. She was still too scared for that and Dorian and the counsellor accepted her admission.

So they had agreed for a transition period. Aelin was told as well to attend weekly sessions with the counsellor to track her progress and her mental health recovery. She would be on desk duty for a while and after that, Dorian was willing to send her back out but just at his side in a fire emergency allowing her again to be close to the fire scene and if that went well they could work on a plan on sending her back in. 

She had agreed with the final decision and had left the room with a smile and a light heart. She stopped in the corridor to check her phone but no news from Rowan. The meeting should be over by now. She hoped he was okay.

Happily she drove back to her squad and everyone was eager to catch up with her. Then Aedion stopped in front of her “never again,” he told her and Aelin went for a hug. He remained stiff for a moment, then his arms enveloped her in a bear hug “looks like your captain fixed you up nicely.”

“Hey, I would recover from anything if I had such man looking after me.” Said Ansel and everyone laughed.

“He has been nice to me.” But all she could think was his face from that morning.

 *

Rowan had been walking without a direction for a while now. He felt as if he had lost his rudder, he had spent the last twelve years of his life working for people who had been ready to blame on him the death of a student. He looked at his uniform and for the first time since he had worn it he felt no pride in it. He had been so tempted to resign his wings on the spot. No matter that he had been cleared, it stung so much, even if it had been the opinion of one man.

It had been too much. He knew the marshal was never a fan of his. The first student he had lost had been his son. But at the time as well the board had declared it had not been his fault. It had been the pilot’s mistake. The marshal never forgave him. Seeing him again at a board for a student’s death he had probably tried to punish him for what happened to his son.

In the distance he spotted a pub and decided that a drink might help. He got in and sat at the counter and ordered a whisky, but once the drink was in front of him he could not drink it. In his current state he would spiral down again to the same level of self destruction of many years before when he lost the marshal’s son and he could not do that again. He could not put Aelin through that pain.

So he did the only sensible thing. He called her.

Aelin was in the common room with the squad and they were having fun and the guys were telling her about some of the calls they had and then they were teasing Luca and his upcoming exam.

She was about to tell them to stop picking on him when her phone went off. It was Rowan and her heart stopped. 

She quickly left the room and went outside, sitting on the bumper of one of the engines “hey,”

“Hi,” his voice was low and flat and she feared for him.

“What’s wrong.”

Silence.

“Ro, are you okay?”

“No.”

Shit. She stood and started pacing “where are you?”

“At a pub.”

“Which one.”

He told her the name.

“I am coming. Just stay there.” And closed the conversation and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. A week before she had been at the receiving end of such conversation.

She ran back to the squad “guys, I need to go. Rowan. It’s not good. I just have to go…”

She didn’t even wait for an answer. She just rushed back to her car and drove to him. He did not sound drunk so maybe it was not all lost.

She arrived at pub not long after and stormed in. Rowan was sitting at the counter staring at a glass of whisky in front of him.

“Ro.” She walked to him and his green eyes fell on her. There was pain in them, so much pain.

“You are not drunk,” she told him.

“He ordered the whisky two hours ago and had been staring at it ever since.” Said the bartender.

“Hey,” she caressed his head and he closed his eyes at the touch “what happened?”

He shook his head “not here.” He stood and Aelin followed then came back and chugged down the abandoned whisky and went after him.

He was walking away and she ran after him “wait, you have long legs, damn you.” He extended an arm behind him and Aelin grabbed his hand “fine, we are outside, spill the beans.”

She definitely had no tact.

He walked silently a bit longer until they reached a small park and he sat down on a bench and Aelin took a spot at his side never letting his hand go.

And then he told her. Everything that had happened in the room. The results of the inquiry, the marshal’s accusations. The identity of the first student he had lost and his desire to quit.

“I wanted to throw my wings in the marshal’s face.” He looked down dejected “I feel lost now. I want to go back to my students, I owe it to them, to teach them how to be safe. But everything else… I don’t care about it anymore.” his head leaned against her shoulder and Aelin brushed his head with her hand and kissed it tenderly “Ro, how can I help you?”

Rowan turned his head to her and she thought his eyes were wet with tears “what you are doing just now is enough. Having you with me helps.”

“Do you need to go back to the airbase now?”

Rowan nodded sadly.

“Ok, I’ll drive you.” Aelin stood and Rowan followed but before moving he pulled her to him and drew her in for a kiss “I love you.” He said quietly.

She flicked his nose “let’s go.” She offered him her hand and together they walked back to her car.

They arrived at the airbase not long after “do you need me to come in?”

Rowan shook his head “my team is there. I will be fine. Gav will stop me from doing anything stupid.”

“Good. I am going back to the station.” She leaned forward to kiss him “Will you be okay? I am worried about you.”

“I am a big boy.” He joked.

“Ro…”

He leaned forward and kissed her “I do love so much when you call me Ro like that…”

Aelin smiled against his lips “don’t do anything stupid and tomorrow you can ravish me all you want. You can even be super creative.”

“How can I refuse such proposal?” He kissed her again “I will be fine.” His hand went to the door handle and opened the door “I will see you tomorrow morning at home. Have a nice night shift.”

Aelin’s heart swelled with joy at the word home. Their place. They hadn’t made it official but her house had become home. Their home. And she loved the feeling of it.

“Think creative, captain.”

He winked at her and left the car. Then he waved at her and Aelin left, he put his cap on his head and headed back inside the airbase.

-

Rowan made his way to Lorcan’s office and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Come in,” came from inside.

Rowan entered the room and Lorcan looked up at him and he did notice the expression of disbelief in his CO’s face.

“Rowan —” but the other man stopped him.

“Thank you for today. For the support.” Rowan said quietly sitting on the chair in front of his CO.

“The man was out of line.” Lorcan growled “he knows what kind of instructor you are. How strict you are. The man was trying to get you sacked as a punishment for his son’s death knowing full well that again it was not your fucking fault.”

Rowan looked away, shutting away the painful memories.

“I already sent orders to start working on the canopies and check them all.”

Rowan nodded silently.

“I know what we can do to cheer you up.” Rowan turned his head staring at a surprisingly cheery Lorcan. Elide was really doing miracles.

“Grab you gear and let’s get out in the air, this man here needs to fly. It’s been so long that it’s a miracle I can still be called a pilot.” And he chuckled.

Rowan stood “Fine, be ready to be crushed.”

Lorcan grinned and stood as well “Oh, I submitted a proposal to allow women to serve in the airforce.”

Rowan’s head whipped to one side “who are you and what have you done with Lorcan Salvaterre?”

“The captain and Elide. Turns out we have both chosen very strong women.”

“I like that.”

“Me too.”

Rowan was doing his pre-flight checks when he noticed Lorcan joining him. The man had always exuded charisma.

“You should really send Elide a picture of you in a jump suit. I know how much Aelin likes it, I guess Elide might appreciate it too.”

Lorcan lifted an eyebrow while he reached his jet and popped open the canopy “you think?”

Rowan nodded “how is it going with her by the way?”

“She is incredible. She is tiny but fierce and stubborn and quite amazing.”

Rowan could not believe it, Lorcan was in awe of someone a feat that he thought was impossible.

“You are in love with her.”

“I think so.” said Lorcan hiding the words in a cough, almost embarrassed by his admission.

“Good.” Then he stared at Lorcan and he realised that going out out for a flight had been a good idea. They were evenly matched in skill and it was going to be a fun one. They had a few turbulent months but he had more or less always got along with him. Flying together again felt like the good old times.

“You missed a spot.” Rowan pointed at one section under the wing. 

Lorcan replied with a middle finger and it felt nice to have their old banter back when Lorcan could finally put aside his CO mask for a while.

“I am not a cadet, I know how to do my pre flight checks.”

“Well, you are not following the order we were taught at flight school, cadet Salvaterre.”

“Stop being a smartass, cadet Whitethorn.”

Rowan climbed in his jet and finished his checks inside and communicated with the tower to finalise the flight plan and get the authorisations required.

“Come on Lorcan, you are so slow. Tower gave us the all clear and the flight plan is in. Are you sure you still remember how to fly? Do you need any pointers, Chaos?”

Chaos was Lorcan’s callsign and he had earned it very early in his career for his flying skills.

Eventually they were both ready and the two jets got taxied away and not long after they were in the air.

“Rules of engagement: anything is allowed and two out of three?”

“Copy that, Iceman.”

“Good, be ready to lose.”

The two jets broke apart and went in different directions and for a while they just ran in circles above the airbase to study each other.

Lorcan hadn’t wanted to admit that he was a bit rusty and Rowan was indeed a nasty customer. 

Gavriel and the three young pilots were walking along one of the long corridors on the airbase when they heard the sound of jets in the air and ran to the next window to look who it was. The classes for the cadets were still grounded and the three of them were on ground.

“Holy fuck,” muttered Gavriel when he realised who was out flying.

He ran out to the viewing tower followed by the twins and Vaughan.

“Is that who I think it is?” Asked Connall speechless.

“Rowan and Lorcan.” The older man turned to the three young guys “you are in for a treat, they can make you feel like a newbie.”

Gavriel saw Rowan pull in a vertical and flying into the sun, roll on his back and continue in  straight line flying just a meter above Lorcan, finally flipped his jet once again and placed himself at Lorcan’s six.

Lorcan tried some evasive manoeuvres but Rowan did not let go, always at his tail attempting to get a lock on his CO.

Lorcan felt trapped and as a last ditch he went into a high G barrel roll to try and shake off Rowan.

“Rowan is going to overshoot,” said Connall who was silently watching the dogfight between their superiors.

Then Rowan pulled a trick out of the hat and kept his jet in line with Lorcan’s then rolled and found himself upside down and fired at the other man.

“Holy fuck,” was Fenrys’ comment at the scene.

“What did just happen? How did he even manage that?” Added Vaughan.

“That is Rowan for you. Now you realise why we can’t ever win?”

“One nil for me, Chaos.”

“You are a sneaky bastard, Whitethorn. And where did you learn such manoeuvres?”

Rowan laughed over the comms “get your act together, Commodore, and you can probably get me.”

The dogfight between the two went on for much longer. Lorcan did manage to win an engagement but Rowan still won 2-1. They landed back and they found Rowan’s team waiting for them.

“Good to see you two flying again. The youngsters never had the chance to see the pros at work.” Said Gavriel relieved that the two men seemed again at ease with each other.

“Oh, yeah. Our dear CO was a bit rusty and I took him out to stretch his legs and I handed out his arse to him twice.”

Lorcan gave him the middle finger in response.

*

Elide was in the ambulance doing some inventory checks when her phone pinged. She opened the text from Lorcan and almost fainted on the spot. It was Lorcan in his jump suit beside his jet and the man actually had a hint of a smile on his face. The second image was of him and Rowan standing back to back, their arms folded at their chest and both had a goofy smile on.

She jumped off the ambulance and ran to Aelin who was in the equipment room checking out their gear “Ace, look!” She shouted as she stormed in.

“What?” And she looked at the two pictures on Elide’s phone.

“Interesting…” Aelin stared with curiosity at the picture of the two men.

“He is soooo hot, I have never seen him in a jump suit and gods I don’t know? Want to remove it one bit at a time?”

Aelin laughed “that’s what I would do to Rowan right now if we were together in a private place. I would peel that jump suit off him until he is naked in front of me.”

She saw Elide blush “Lorcan and I haven’t… passed the kissing stage yet. He has never touched me. He is very considerate of me. But a few times he hugged me and I… felt him.” And she made a gesture and Aelin understood.

“Elide that is normal. How do you feel about the next stage? Like exploring each other’s bodies?”

“As in naked?”

“Yes, but you can start with keeping your underwear to have a barrier on if it makes you feel better.”

Elide sat on the bench beside her “I don’t know how to do this. How do I touch him?”

Aelin could see panic rise in the woman “ask him to show you and then once you feel brave enough to try just give it a go. It can be quite fun.” Aelin stopped for a second trying to find a way to tackle the next issue “Elide, have you ever… you know… explored your body? Down there?”

Elide blushed savagely “no.”

Aelin took the woman’s hand “take a nice warm bath and then…” Aelin wiggled her fingers “just put a hand between your legs and see how it goes, what you feel.”

“Oh.”

“At least once you two take the next step you have an idea of how it feels.”

“And Lorcan does that as well?”

Aelin nodded “yes, and if the man is as good as the others claim he might leave you a satisfied mess just with his fingers or mouth or both. A sort of appetiser before the main course.”

“Do you and Rowan…?”

Aelin nodded “and not just him to me but me to him as well.”

“This sounds so much.”

“Elide, look at me.” Aelin placed her hands on the woman’s shoulder “you do not have to take the next step until you are okay with it. Talk with Lorcan. Explain to him that you are getting curious and want to try more. You can use a safe word so that when you start to become uncomfortable, you shout that word and he has to stop.”

“Oh.”

“He hasn’t rushed you or anything?”

Elide shook her head “no, he has been so understanding, and never pushed.”

“Good. You set the pace. You are the one who needs time so he adjusts to you, remember. But if you feel like you are ready for another step just tell him.”

“Is it… is it as good as everyone says? Is it worth it?”

Aelin nodded “with the right person is something incredible. The intimacy… the connection…”

“Do you have that with your captain?”

“Yeah, and some.”

“Uhhh… are we getting serious?”

Aelin looked away for a moment “I loved Sam. A lot. We were good together but it was never like this. Never this deep.” She threw her head against one of the jackets “I don’t know how to explain it but my feelings for Rowan are so strong that sometimes I feel like I can’t breath.”

“I want that too.”

A moment later the conversation was interrupted by Lysandra entering the room “Here you are, why are you hiding?”

Elide showed Lys Lorcan’s picture.

“Oh mama…”

“Elide is feeling… curious.”

Lysandra hugged the woman “that is wonderful, darling. With such a specimen I’d be curious too.”

“Lys.” Shouted Aelin laughing.

“What? Fine the man can be an arsehole but I can’t deny that in that picture he is one hot bastard.”

“Show her the other.”

Elide showed Lysandra the picture with both Rowan and Lorcan.

“Ok, I really need a cold shower now.”

“I am pretty sure Aedion is available. Just keep it quiet.”

Lysandra laughed “don’t you think I tried? He said it would be against the rules.”

“I am almost done with equipment checks. This room will be free soon.”

“You are a wicked woman.” 

Aelin winked.

“Did you do it in here with the captain?”

“No, but his office is quite comfortable.”

“Nice.” Commented Lysandra.

Lys then took Elide’s hand “come on, we got a couple of things to finish.”

Once the two ladies left she phoned Rowan and he picked up at the first ring.

“I am jealous, Lorcan sent a picture of the two of you to Elide and I don’t get a copy?”

“You liked that?”

“You were both smiling.”

“We talked,” added Rowan “Lorcan was even more pissed than me. I think Elide did the miracle.”

Aelin laughed and relaxed at his admission “how so?

“He chuckled. Lorcan chuckled.”

She heard mirth in his voice.

“And the man is totally in love with Elide. I swear I never heard the man talk like that about a woman.”

“Interesting.”

“Also, apparently he has decided to support my idea of having women in the airforce and submitted a proposal to the higher ups and he is prepared to fight for it.” He told her, knowing she would love the news.

“Ok, I might finally start to like the man. What changed?”

“You and Elide apparently.”

Aelin smiled smugly “so he does listen, I am impressed. I don’t think I can cope with the idea of Lorcan not being the bad guy.”

“His job is very stressful and I don’t think I could be able to cope with the amount of shit he has to deal with.” He sighed “put me in a cockpit surrounded by enemies and I will be fine. But the idea of being stuck behind a desk playing the political game day in day out…. no. I will retire before it happens.” He added sadly.

“So, what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day, captain?”

“I am helping him with a few things. Then do more prep work for our performance review.”

“Do you think you are ready for that?”

She heard a lot of noise in the background and she guessed he was back in the hangar.

“Aye, we are good to go.” He was silent for a moment “I have to go, Fireheart.”

“Sure. Be safe and have a nice drill.”

“I love you. Have a nice night shift.”

“Send me that picture, Whitethorn.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She closed the conversation and relaxed heavily. Rowan sounded so much better and she was smidge less worried. With a big smile she went back to her work.

*

It was past 9pm and Aelin was in her office working away on some paperwork Dorian had sent over. She had a good day. It had felt good being back and she realised that Rowan’s help and their time away had helped very much. She felt saner and being at the station did not cause any problems. She was not ready yet to go back fighting fires, of that she was well aware. That was the last challenge she had to face but she and Aedion had discussed a training regimen that would slowly allow her to find the courage again to go fully back on duty and she felt excited at the idea.

She had been so engrossed in her work she did not hear the knock on the door. When it happened a second time she slowly raised her head “come in.” She said flatly and almost annoyed. 

A head of silver hair appeared on the door and she stopped “am I interrupting?”

“Of course captain. How dare you?”

He smiled and took a step in “I can go if you are working.”

Aelin rolled her eyes “get your arse inside and give me fifteen minutes of silence.”

He nodded and walked to her bookcase, giving her his back. His hand behind his back, his spine ramrod straight and his feet slightly apart in a perfect at ease position. She grinned. You could take the man out of the military but not the military out of the man.

She stopped working and rested her chin on her hands and a pen in her mouth. She studied him from behind and was impressed how still he could stay. A feat that had alway been impossible to her. 

Rowan grabbed one of her manuals and started flipping through it. It was only fair, she had done the same to his flight manuals. 

“A chemistry book?”

She eventually decided to stand and join him at his side.

“I hated chemistry in school. I was good at it but never liked it. I preferred physics.”

Aelin smiled and grabbed another book: fire science “this one might be more interesting.”

He had a look through it and smiled at her “can I take it at home or do you need it here?”

“You can take it home.”

Rowan smiled and placed the book on the sofa then cupped her face “hi, by the way.” And he kissed her.

“About time. I thought you were more interested in my books than me.” She teased him, pulling away briefly.

“You told me to stay silent for fifteen minutes. I was just following orders.”

“Screw that.”Aelin switched off her computer and walked to him, palm upturned, offering him her hand “follow me captain.”

“Do I need to be scared?”

She glared at him.

They walked along the corridor of the fire station and it was so silent and quiet compared to what he had seen during the day “where is everyone?”

“Resting. We got beds, you know? But Brullo and Ress are probably up watching tv as usual.”

They walked through the common area and as Aelin suspected the two guys were watching some  series on tv.

“Hi guys,” she greeted them.

They raised their heads “hi boss,” then noticed Rowan “oh captain, you found her. Good.”

“When I walked in I announced myself. I could not just waltz in.”

“Come on,” she grabbed his hand. Aelin dragged Rowan to the area where they kept the fire engine and the truck. She moved to the engine and opened a door on the side and pulled out two thick blankets then with them under her armpit, she started climbing the ladder at the end of the rig “Come on captain.”

Rowan looked at her puzzled.“Where are you going?”

He saw her rolling her eyes “on top of the rig.”

“If the alarm—”

“Captain, if the alarm goes off we have enough seconds to get our arses back down. They will not drive away with us on top of the rig. Do you trust me?”

He looked at her in a strange way.

Aelin threw the blankets on the top of the engine and climbed back down and marched to him, grabbing his hand “move.”

With force she dragged him to the ladder and prompted him to climb. He did as ordered and once at the top he stopped. Aelin stopped behind him, then in a swift motion she pulled her leg over the engine rail and climbed on its roof.

She took the blankets and placed them on top of all the hoses “it smells a bit of smoke. You’ll get used to it.”

He climbed over and stood for a second admiring the view from on top of the engine. When he turned he saw Aelin laying down on the blankets, her arms extended to him and a goofy smile on her face. He joined her and took a place at her side.

She nested against his chest and his arms looped around her frame.

“I come up here a lot on a night shift. I don’t sleep, I just relax, I love to imagine I am laying on the grass and that if I look up I can see the stars.”

“I do that when I am on an aircraft carrier and I am not on standby. I just walk on the deck along the rail, although is not as quiet as here as there are still flights happening, but it’s less busy. I just lean against the handrail, near the island and look out at the sea and I my case I can see the stars.”

Aelin turned in his arms and faced him “can you navigate by just using the stars?”

“We don’t use it much, GPS is a very handy tool, but it’s a skill we learn in case something fails and you are left with no GPS or any other electronic help.”

“What about you? Had a good day at the station?” He kissed the top of her head.

Aelin nodded eagerly “yes, I admitted I had a problem out loud and both Dorian and Aedion have offered to help in anyway they can.” She looked up at him “and you… you helped so much… and still helping…”

He smiled tenderly “it goes under my job description for boyfriend, I assume?”

She caressed his face loving the sound of him calling himself her boyfriend.

“Say it again,” she whispered to him.

“What?”

“That you are my boyfriend.”

He went for a deep kiss “I am yours.”

Aelin smiled against his lips “those are powerful words, captain.”

“They are true, though.”

Aelin’s heart raced and her hand went to his chest and found his doing exactly the same.

“I love this. Us. I really do…” she stuck her head in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent “but it still scares me because it happened so fast. One day I wanted to punch you, the next I wanted to kiss you. And it frightens me. I want this to work. I want us to work out.”

His hand covered hers still on his chest “you are not alone. This is a lot for me as well. But I am done fighting my feelings.” He hugged her closer “I love you, even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

Aelin kissed his chest “you are so cheesy it’s disgusting.”

Rowan pushed her away and she rolled on her back at his side, her hand still in his “I was trying to be romantic and you ruined the moment.”

She smiled “sorry, I used to do that with Sam all the time. He would say something super romantic and I would respond with a joke. When he proposed I replied that I had to check with my lawyer first.”

“You are a brat.”

“It was so funny. Then I texted him and said that my lawyer had agreed.” Aelin brought their twinned hands to her mouth and kissed them “I showed him later on that night in bed how much I wanted to marry him. He did not complain.”

“You really are a handful.”

“I know, but now you picked me and there is no turning back.” She said against their hands fearing she had gone too far.

“I love a good challenge.” He rolled over and was now half on top of her, his hand on her side caressing her gently.

Aelin grabbed his face in her free hands and kissed him stupid but Rowan pulled back when he remembered where they were. He was still terrified they would drive away with the two of them on top of the engine.

He lay back down and his hand started trailing along her injured arm exposed by the short sleeved shirt. The burns had healed but the skin remained marred. He traced the length of it and leaned over to kiss it.

“Does it bother you?”

“No,” he said softly while continuing to kiss her injured arm and her scars “you are my brave and fierce Fireheart. It scares me that I almost lost you. But you scars…” another gentle kiss “they don’t bother me.”

She snuggled closer and he enveloped her in his arms.

“I forgot.” He propped himself up on one elbow “I have received an invitation.”

“Oh?” Aelin did the same and faced him.

“This weekend the navy is throwing a launch party for the new aircraft carrier, down at the dockyards before she is set at sea for the trials and then off to deployment.” He explained “Me and the guys have been invited and I can bring a guest. Fancy being my plus one?”

“Are we going public, captain?”

“If you want to.”

Aelin thought about it “I could wear the stunning black dress I bought in Doranelle.”

Rowan remembered that dress and the effect it had on him when she wore it in the shop.

“Are you trying to give a heart attack to the whole Terrasen military?”

Aelin giggled “just going to show all those posh boys what an amazing taste in women you have.”

“That I do.” He flicked her nose.

Aelin was about to reply when dispatch alarm went off and she bolted on her feet and pulled Rowan up and grabbed the blankets “come on, captain.”

She climbed down super quickly and by the time he made it down, the blankets were back in the truck and the squad was getting ready to go.

“Showing the captain your special spot?” Joked Aedion.

Aelin nodded and patted his shoulder “keep the guys safe and you stay safe too.”

“Always.” Quickly Aedion ran to the truck and a moment later the squad was gone.

“It’s hard to see them go and not being able to be with them.”

He pulled an arm around her shoulder “come, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

She followed him “that’s exactly how you woo a woman, captain.”

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