#✧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ☆ 🤍 ‧₊˚ ⋅ and at the end of it all i just hope that your scars heal ⌗ derek .

[afterglowsainz]

friends | max verstappen

summary: you and max broke up a few months ago and he can’t seem to get over it, looking for a second chance with you or at the very least, be friends

fc: camila morrone

warnings: food

a/n: so happy for max!! (a bit sad for lando but he said he had fun so happier for max overall) anyways enjoy this one based on that justin bieber song that’s been on loop in my head this whole week

—

liked by maxverstappen1, sukiwaterhouse and others

yourusername a never ending series called yn being obsessed with food

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username how are you so gorgeous doing everything like what is your secret

username omg yn finally posted !!!

username girl we MISSED YOU

sukiwaterhouse my beautiful baby😚

yourusername not the iconic suki waterhouse on my comments 🤭

username what is max doing on the likes ???

username 🤨🤨🤨

username i thought he was out of the picture what is he doing here 😩

liked by samclaflin, maxverstappen1 and others

yourusername daisy jones & the six is now on streaming🌟 who’s watchinggg

tagged samclaflin, rileykeough and daisyjonesandthesix

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username FINALLY THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF

username and she looked sooo good throughout the whole show

username the perfect camila dunne🫶🏽

samclaflin ❤️❤️❤️

username love the first pic they legit look like a couple ☺️

username max punching the air right now 🤣

username you really did the book justice!

username YN NATION WINS AGAIN

maxverstappen1 loved the show!

username what is this

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and others

yourusername so happy to see all the support daisy jones and the six has gotten🤍 now the goldens 💫

tagged samclaflin

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username she’s legit getting prettier and prettier each day

username and that dress 😍

username i’m so happy she’s getting the recognition she deserves💕

username and of course she’s saying on the red carpet

username i love her friendship with sam❤️‍🩹

username are they dating tho??

username max still on the likes seems a little…

username and now charles too

username what karma is she paying 😩😩😩

maxverstappen1 congratulations!

liked by yourusername, schecoperez and others

maxverstappen1 hot miami 🐬

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username last pic 😮‍💨😮‍💨

username no cause like, he knows what he’s doing

username nice p2!

username well, at least there was a podium

redbullracing great race🏆

username why is yn on the likes 😩

username pls god i never ask you much but pls

username guys let them live!

username am i the only one who lowkey wants them to get back together 🤭

yourusername 🦁🦁🦁

username okay bestie i get it

liked by landonorris, yourusername and others

maxverstappen1 sweet imola 🍝

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username aaaand back to winning

username and who’s that on the likes again👀

landonorris fun race mate👊🏽

username finally!!! as a redbull fan i can say i was in PAIN

redbullracing great comeback to p1😉

username you did amazing 💙💙💙

yourusername well if it isn’t my friend the grand prix winner 😅

maxverstappen1 🥰🥰🥰

username HUH?

[fum1ku]

aaaa hi there! i absolutely love your writing and i just saw that your requests are open!

do you mind writing love confessions (when they admit their feelings to reader) with some of the hq boys? sakusa, osamu, and whoever else you'd like to write for! 🤍

LOVE CONFESSIONS - HQ BOYS

ft. osamu miya, kiyoomi sakusa, koushi sugawara, tobio kageyama, hajime iwaizumi

thank you so much for your request! i hope i did it some kind of justice<3

OSAMU: it has ended up being just you and him outside the gym after practice. atsumu has to run a quick “errand”, and he swore he was going to be back in a quick second. but it had been nearly.. 30 minutes now?

osamu pulled the bento he had made the night before out of his bag.

“y’know, i don’t think he’s coming back..” you said, frowning.

samu had set the bento down between the both of you, pulling out a set of chopsticks. “yeah, i don’t think so either.. what an idiot,” he paused, looking at the chopsticks in his hand. “sorry, i only have one set..”

you looked down between the two of you to find his perfectly prepared bento.

“oh! thank you, ‘samu!” you smiled. “and it’s alright. i don’t mind sharing!”

you both ate in silence for awhile. you quietly laughed to yourself when the memory of what atsumu had said to you a few weeks prior had popped into your head.

“y’know, atsumu told me this funny thing awhile ago..”

samu hummed in response.

“he said you liked me. crazy, right?”

osamu nearly choked on the rice in his mouth.

goddamnit atsumu. that fatass mouth of his.

osamu finally composed himself, turning to take a glimpse of the expression on your face. but, there wasn’t much to read. you softly smiled, looking off into the sunset behind the trees.

god, you were so pretty.

“y/n?”

“osamu?”

he took a breath in. “what if.. i did?” and out.

you smiled, “then i’d say you should make up your mind already because i’ve been waiting awhile, ‘samu.”

he chuckled. “got out with me then?”

“alright.”

maybe atsumu had actually done him a service after all.

atsumu jumped out from behind the building. “fuckin’ told ya they liked ya, ‘samu! dumbass.”

or maybe he spoke too soon.

KIYOOMI: he was reserved. he was hard to get to know from an outside perspective. but to you, that only drew you further and further into the mystery kiyoomi himself.

he wasn’t the most.. intact with his emotions. he didn’t understand them, really. he didn’t know why he felt a pang in his chest when you’d smile at him. he didn’t understand why his hands would go sweaty when you’d stand so close to him—or even why he was so okay with you standing so close to him. but he was. he was and he didn’t understand it. and the only reason he ever did was because he turned to outside advice.

he called atsumu over after the msby jackal’s practice one day. he grudgingly explained every last detail to him.

atsumu chuckled in response. “omi, you like ‘em! you couldn’t realize that on yer own?”

he.. liked you?

“now, now, omi, like me show ya how it’s done!” atsumu beamed, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and began typing.

he heard the ping of the message he just received.

what in the hell was he doing..

atsumu wrapped an arm around sakusa. “there ya go! now y/n knows you like ‘em. just had to convince them i wasn’t messin’ with them first. rest is up to you, omi-omi!”

kiyoomi winced at the feeling of atsumu arms around him, sliding out from his grip and trudging off into the locker room.

“idiot.”

he really did like you.

KOUSHI: he absolutely adored everything about you. and as soon as he’s built up the courage, you bet he’s confessing to you. on one hand, you accept his confession and then he has the love of his life. on the other hand, you turn him down and, hey, at least the waiting game is over.

well, today he has finally built up that courage.

he was hanging out in the halls with daichi and asahi between classes. students rushed this way and that. but he was only looking for one person in particular.

you came rushing down the stairs well.

there. now or never.

he watched as you walked passed him.

“y/n!” he shouted, slightly jogging to catch up with you.

“koushi! hi!” you smiled.

god, he loved the way you said his name.

“what are you up to?”

you both kept making your way downstairs, together.

“not much! i just gotta run over the store for my mom’s last minute dinner plans. you? anything exciting?”

he stopped walking, causing you to stop too and give him a questioning look.

now or never.

“actually.. i was wondering. no. uhm, actually,” he took a deep breath. “i like you, y/n. a lot.”

you softly gasped, a look of surprise painted on your face.

“if you don’t feel the same, i understand,” he went on, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “please don’t feel pressured or anything.”

the halls had been cleared by now—leaving just you two. alone. together.

you laughed. “oh, koushi. you’re so silly. of course i feel the same! who wouldn’t?”

who wouldn’t?

he breathed a sigh of relief. “okay well that’s good because i was starting to get a little nervous there!”

you started walking again, him trailing behind.

“hey, what if walked you home after practice?” you smiled. “i’ll run to the shore in between and i’m sure you guys will be done by then!”

“yeah, yeah i’d really like that actually..”

TOBIO: took him literally forever to confess. really, forever. it was a process for him. he noticed you, realized he liked you, actually admitted to himself that he liked you, and then, once he was past that point, he began to wonder if you even liked him too. he’s a deep thinker; sometimes. most of the time—okay, maybe only when it came to volleyball. but he didn’t take things with you lightly.

it was late one night after practice. hinata had begged you to stay behind with him and kageyama to keep working on their quick attack after everyone else had headed home for the night.

“normally yachi would, but she has something going on with her mom. i think,” hinata began. “but, please stay with us! tobio, c’mon, help me convince y/n—”

it had caught tobio off guard. “o-oh. yeah. please, y/n. if you could throw us a few sets that would be great. thank you.”

you laughed. “okay, i’m convinced! but only a few. both of you need to get home at some point, y’know?”

“right!” they both agreed.

you threw them a few sets and watched their process—the way it seemed as though hinata truly flew threw the air to reach kageyama’s sets. but, more so, you were focused on the intensity in kageyama’s eyes.

you repeated the process over and over again. “one more!” they would say, and of course you agreed. the whole attack was.. mesmerizing to watch.

“one more!” hinata begged. “just one more! please!”

“hinata, it’s late. last one, i mean it,” you agreed. “we still have to walk home y’know!”

hinata and kageyama both gave a quick nod.

both of them were intensely focused—this would be the one they nailed. but either way, this was your last. anymore and you thought your arms might fall off.

you watched as the ball bounced off the other side of the court, bouncing off the floor all the way to the back wall. they really were something else.

“okay you two clean up the rest of our stuff and i’ll put the cart away!”

you soon found all three of yourselves out in the cool evening air. hinata walked alongside his bike while you and kageyama trailed behind. hinata rambled on about the quick attack—something about a bunch of “whooshes” and “pows”, whatever that meant. you didn’t pay much attention to him, focused on kageyama and the sleepiness you could see in his face.

“alright, i’ll see you guys tomorrow at practice!” hinata smiled, turning down the road opposite of you. he trailed off, saying something about how him and kageyema would get it tomorrow.

just you and kageyama then.

you stayed silent for awhile, not sure of what to say. you’d looks in kageyama’s direction every once-in-awhile. he looked.. peaceful, in some strange way.

“the quick attack is coming along nicely. don’t you think so?” you mused.

he paused for a moment. “yeah, i guess so. it’s just.. i wish i could do better. just as a setter in general, i mean.”

you hummed in response. “you don’t give yourself enough credit y’know.”

he almost stopped dead in his tracks. he was so sure about what he felt for you—he had a hard time admitting it, but it didn’t go away. it was still there, even after the months that had passed.

“y/n?”

“yeah?” you smiled.

“i.. i like you.”

without missing a beat you replied. “i like you too!”

and then it hit you. did he mean..?

you could immediately see the blush that overtook his face, even when he turned to look at the ground beneath him.

“you—you do?” he questioned.

“wait. do you mean..” you paused. “like, you like-like me?”

“yeah.. sorry that wasn’t clear before,” he let out a soft sigh.

you felt heat rise to your cheeks. embarrassment and giddiness. “kageyama, you.. you really don’t know?”

your response caused him to take his gaze off the ground and look back up at you.

“what do you mean?”

you laughed. uncontrollably laughed. “i’m—i’m sorry! I don’t mean to laugh, i promise. i just.. you didn’t know already?”

he was absolutely puzzled. “know.. what?”

“tobio kageyama you can’t be serious! everyone knows. well, except you, i guess,” you giggled. “i like you, kageyama. i mean, i have for months. i just figured you knew and didn’t feel the same.”

“oh.”

you finally stopped walking altogether, now right outside your front gate. tobio stood right in formt of you, close enough do that the tips of your shoes nearly touched.

you took his hands in yours. “but, i’m glad you like me too. really glad.”

you smiled up at him, noticing the light dust of blush still left on his cheeks. you stood on your tiptoes and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“goodnight, tobio. i’ll see you at practice tomorrow!” you winked, happily making your way towards your front door.

he walked home with his hand glued to his cheek in the spot you kissed him.

HAJIME: to him, it wasn’t the least bit apparent that you liked him. he just assumed you liked oikawa. you were always there, hanging around the two of them. surely it was only for oikawa, right?

you, iwaizumi, and oikawa has caught the train home together after school. iwaizumi immediately sat down and put his earbuds in to drown out the scene he thought was about to unfold between you and oikawa. even though he couldn’t hear, he still could make out the facial expressions.

you were smiling. okay, of to a good start. of course oikawa was smiling too. you said something. oikawa was still smiling. and now you.. weren’t? not good. oikawa must’ve rejected you. wait now you were both looking at him? and now you were.. laughing? okay, not what he expected.

the train suddenly came to a stop as the doors slid open and people began filing out. hajime watched as you stood up. you gave your goodbye to oikawa, turning to face hajime. you smiled and waved goodbye to him as you made your way out the door.

were you always that sweet?

the doors closed and the train began moving along the tracks again. oikawa moved across and plopped down next to iwaizumi, who paid no attention to him.

suddenly the music stopped.

“you little shit.. what gives, oikawa?”

“woah, woah, iwa-chan! calm down.” oikawa smirked. “jealous much?”

“oh shut up. i’ve got nothing to be jealous of.”

oikawa laughed. “yeah, you really don’t. you don’t even know.”

oikawa turned away to face the opposite way of hajime.

wait.. he didn’t?

“hey, no, what do you mean, oikawa? what did you do?”

“hey, hey! i didn’t do anything. i just told y/n what you should’ve told them a long time ago.”

iwaizumi was fuming at this point. “you told them i liked them as soon as they confused to you? that makes perfect sense, oikawa. nice.”

“woah—woah! confessed to me? wow, iwa, you really are dense!”

iwa gave him a puzzled expression.

what did he mean?

“they were going to confess to you, iwa. but you sat down in your corner to pout instead. they’ve been trying to tell you for the past week now!”

“they.. they were?”

oikawa sighed, picking up iwaizumi’s phone. he was in too much shock to do anything about it. you liked him. you liked.. him? you liked him!

“there ya go, iwa! now you’ve got their number. i’d suggest texting them sooner rather than later.”

oikawa moved to talk to the group of schoolgirls across the train, leaving iwaizumi to think about all that had just unfolded.

hajime stared down at the new contact in his phone. one deep breath and he started typing. another deep breath and he actually wrote out the words. one last deep breath and.. sent.

he quickly shoved his phone in his back pocket.

“i like you too.”

© fum1ku 2024.

⁂ taglist: @chloiyoomi @eashn + let me know if you want to be added! 💌

[judesfavflvr]

could you do reader and jude have a big fight and reader ignores jude then he ends up apologizing so rllu just angst and fluff at the end! if that’s okay w u🤍

˚୨୧⋆｡ you and jude barely ever argued, so when you did it naturally got big. this time it was definitely his fault, and he knew it when you he saw the way your face dropped at his words. it started off pretty tame, just a few words making their way back and forth between you.

“jude, i’m telling you i already made plans” you grumbled as you moved around the room, trying on your new dress. he wanted you to go out with him and a bunch of teammates, but your friend was visiting madrid, and you couldn’t wait to see her for the first time in forever.

“oh so now your plans are more important than going out with your own boyfriend” he sounded offended as he himself went about the room, throwing on his new pants.

“what are you talking about? i told you, she’s visiting madrid for the weekend, i want to see her” you sighed, fixing your dress before your mirror, jude looking you in the eye through it where he stood behind you, buttoning up his shirt.

“and i want to see you. this is my only free weekend for a while too” he sighed, coming closer so he could check his outfit in the mirror, standing next to you.

“we live together, jude” you sighed, looking up at him. he was being utterly irrational. he looked down at you, his eyes cold.

“sometimes i wish we weren’t” and with that he turned around, grabbed his phone, left the room.

“what’s that supposed to mean” you yelled back after him, tears already stinging your eyes. you quickly finished getting ready before making your way downstairs. he was sat on the couch, busy with his phone, and you simply walked past him to put your shoes on.

“what time are you coming home” he asked, not getting a response. you didn’t think you could talk to him. he called out your name, only to be met with the sound of the front door slamming shut, signaling your departure.

throughout the night you got various texts and calls from him, but you chose to ignore them all. at one point your friend got so annoyed she asked you to just reply.

“who the hell is spamming you? just answer already” but you sighed, putting your phone on do not disturb before putting it away.

you got home before jude, only for him to come back while you were getting unready in the bathroom. he walked into the room, calling out your name, only to be met with silence once again. he sighed, standing in the doorway of the open bathroom door, leaning against it.

“i called you so many times, why didn’t you answer?” his tone was defeated, a sigh following the stretched silence. you walked past him, making your way into the room.

he grabbed your arm, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling you so you stood between his thighs. you struggled against him, tears once again making their way to your eyes, but he refused to let go.

“i’m sorry” the apology was loud and genuine, making you finally look at him. “okay? i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said that. i just meant that us living together is sort of your excuse now, and i want to be with you all the time, even if we live together.”

he was looking at you with defeated and soft eyes, and you couldn’t stop the tear that fell down your cheek. he quickly stood up, pulling you into his arms as he rubbed your back, apologizing over and over again as he kissed the top of your head.

“i love you. living with you has been the best thing to happen to me” he whispered as he pulled back, and you could only kiss him in return.

[fun-loving-peach]

Different Types of Kisses with Suguru Geto

a/n: if anybody wants to be on the tag list comment or send me an ask , have a lovely day my little peaches 🍑 ✨

Divider by lovely @plutism 🤍

Suguru loves kissing the top of your head. Whenever he sees you working hunched over papers he places a gentle kiss on top as he lets you keep working after he tells you to join him in bed soon.

Suguru kisses you good morning and good night. He loves placing a kiss right as he wakes up and right as he falls asleep. For it brings some sort of comfort to know you’re there and you’re not leaving.

Suguru kisses your hand whenever you’re in public. He knows it might make you embarrassed if he kisses you in front of everyone. So he takes your hand looking directly into your eyes as he pressed a kiss to your knuckles.

Suguru loves seeing you on your tippy toes to give him a kiss. As he sees you try to reach him he bends down pulling your head up as he crashes his lips to yours. Fingers wrapped on your nape as he smiles into the kiss. You look so cute when you wanna kiss him.

Suguru sometimes catches you looking at his lips. He knows what you want he wants it too, but he doesn’t want to give in first. Even if your lips are looking plump and soft and… yeah he gives in first. Kissing your lips as you let out a chuckled. He always gives in the end.

Suguru loves the way your lips brush against him on soft intimate moments. You could be laying in bed in each others hold, just basking in one another’s presence. Soft touches, soft brushes before leaning in pressing a gentle kiss. Before pulling away and doing it all over again.

Suguru whisper’s “I love you” after every kiss before he follows it up with a stronger, hungrier kiss. Almost eating your soul as he kisses you deeply wanting more and more after each sound you make.

Suguru loves kissing you so hard it makes your body curve into his body. The way your chest presses against his. The way your hips rest against his. It drives him crazy with need.

Suguru loves the moments when you’re kissing and break away to murmur sweet nothings as your lips brush against each other. chuckles and giggles heard around the room as you leaned in again. He loves being so close to you and hear your praises and feel your lips on his. It can’t get any better than this can it.

Suguru kisses you before he needs to leave but immediately holds your face kissing you with all his being not wanting to separate from you even for a minute. Making him late but he doesn’t care.

Taglist: @ladythornofrivia

[leonw4nter]

I really like ur fics with Leon as a dad 🤍 can I request one where it’s angst at the start but happy at the end? I think with Leon’s job he’s probably alway moving to new places and his wife is kinda at the point where she just can’t take it and worried for their kid?

My Baby Here On Earth Showed Me What My Heart Was Worth

Husband!RE:Damnation!Leon x F!Reader

“The kids are sleeping now,” you quietly tell your husband as you get into bed with him.

He hums a response, setting aside a copy of William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury as he gets up. To go look at the kids one more time for the night, he says as he walks around the foot of the bed and towards the door. You wait until Leon noiselessly closes the door, his footsteps growing fainter as he grows more distanced from you, to sigh deeply, sitting up to lean against the cold headboard as you bury your face in your hands for a moment. You love Leon and you know that he loves you and your kids too but he’s grown increasingly distant with each passing day after coming home from deployment to the Eastern Slav Republic. You’ve done your best to show that you’re there for him, initiating conversations and even giving him simple compliments but the most he’s done is look in your direction and nod. A hum and a forced smile, if you’re lucky and he’s feeling less bad about himself. He still took care of the kids, driving them to school and playing with them in the afternoons but it’s clear that his mind is far from home. Even the kids could sense just how weary their father is, doing their best to cheer him up by giving him colorful drawings and letters. “Don’t be sad, daddy! Me, Ollie, and mama are here for yuo!” one of them reads, the word ‘you’ misspelled but Leon loved it nonetheless. For a quick moment he genuinely smiled whenever he read the letters and saw the drawings again before the frown took its place in his face again as he put the artwork in a folder and placed it back in the drawer cabinet.

You lifted your head from your hands when Leon walked back in, silent as always as he headed back to his side of the bed. You stared at him, urging him to say something–anything, just to dissolve the wall that he put up around himself but to no one’s surprise, he doesn’t speak. He checks the time on his phone and decides that it’s far too late to continue reading his book and sinks down beneath the covers, muttering a nearly inaudible ‘goodnight’ to you before he closes his eyes and drifts to sleep. Hurt, you scoff at how distant he feels. Physically, he’s home and with you but you know that emotionally and mentally, he’s still on the other side of the world and dealing with Tyrants, Lickers, and corrupt leaders. Turning the lamp off, you sink into the sheets as well and turn to face the wall. You have so much to say, so much to express to him but you’re afraid that this will only push him further from you even more. Worst case scenario, he packs his bags and sleeps in a hotel for a week before coming home plastered. He’s never done that before but you don’t want this rift to widen to the point he even considers doing that, maybe even leave behind the family he has with you for the enigmatic woman in red. Inhaling deeply, you shut your eyes before you speak to him. You don’t even think deeply about what you’re doing before your fears get to you and force you to shut up again.

“I can’t keep doing this, Leon.” You shakily begin. “We can’t keep doing this. I’m here for you, so are the kids, but you’re pushing us all away.”

“I need space.” He responds. Short and curt, straight to the point but you wish he said more.

“What does ‘space’ mean to you, Leon?” you gently ask as you sit up and face him who is still curled up on his side, his face hidden away like a secret. “I just want to know what I can do to support you while also giving you some time alone.”

“Leave me alone. There. That’s the kind of space I want,” he grumbles as he sits up, facing you. You stay silent for a moment, your sympathetic gaze on him but his eyes are elsewhere as he runs a hand through his dark hair, not wanting to see the look on your face.

“Okay. But let’s still talk, okay? Let’s voice out how we feel and communicate, I want to be able to provide you with what you need–”

“Why are you doing this?” Leon interrupts, not out of irritation but rather out of wonder. Your eyes widen for a quick moment before you inch a little near him, hesitant to reach out and place your hand on his hand.

“Because I care for you, Leon, and I don’t want to see you suffer alone. I want to be here for you and share the weight of the world on your shoulders too. You don’t have to keep it all to yourself, I can see it eating away at you.”

He doesn’t stop you when you take his hand, feeling the scars and calluses on them. He quite misses your touch, actually, but he felt like he was throwing himself a pity party whenever he thought about asking you for a hug or a kiss.

“I don’t want to bring home anything from work,” he explains. “I don’t plan on mixing it– work and home life… and I didn’t expect for it to get to this. That I’m pushing you and the kids away. I don’t… I don’t want my family to even think about how the monsters I’ve killed looked like or how I killed them. Something as precious as you three don’t deserve that. Our little ones, most of all.”

Pulling him in for the first hug in nearly two weeks, after two weeks of Leon trying to avoid your physical display of affection, he gives in. He leans his forehead on your shoulder but doesn’t wrap his arms around you and instead, lies limply on his side.

“Oh Leon,” you delicately whisper. Sushing and humming the same tune you used to hum when your toddlers were still tiny babies, you tenderly sway Leon from side to side in order to ease all the anguish he bottled up and refused to share. It doesn’t take long for his tears to wet your shoulder, his large frame shaken with stifled sobs. He went by “Condor One”, “Agent Kennedy”, and many other aliases required by his job but at the end of the day, he is your Leon Scott Kennedy. “Daddy”, as his dear children would call him.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

Leon slept in your arms, his head buried in your side with an arm slung around your stomach, for the first time in the longest time. He still shook and spoke in his sleep, flinching at times, but his sleep appeared to be much more restful. It was your turn to be unable to fall asleep now, a hand gently patting Leon’s shoulder blade with a watchful eye observing him. You were tired from the entire day and the crying you did with him hours ago but you couldn’t find it in you to doze off; you thought about your kids’ future and raising them, along with considering the fact that Leon was rarely home for a long time and was always moving to new places for indefinite periods. Each mission brought the fear that this would be the last time you’d see Leon alive, to be talking to you in person and that what would come home to you are two agents holding a folded flag, an urn, and what remained of his gear instead. It would be cruel for Leon, who proudly proclaims that his life has only begun when he met you. Leon, who knew what it meant to truly live when he found out that you were pregnant with his children. You knew that it also hurt Leon to leave at ungodly hours of the night when he was going to be deployed for a mission and to think that his kids would wonder where their daddy is and why he’s always gone. You’re used to Leon’s constant absence but it doesn’t hurt any less each time he has to go. His job is bad for your heart, constantly putting it in a state of worry and fear. It always stung whenever your kids asked if they could go with Leon when he had to leave on an “adventure” because they wanted to spend more time with him. You hated breaking the news to Leon that he’d have to miss out on another one of their school events, having to phone Chris or Patrick to attend in his place; he sounded so pained whenever he asked about the details of the event, his dreams of walking up the stage and being active in his childrens’ schooling playing in his head every time he closed his eyes for a quick nap before being back on his feet and killing monsters. Ultimately, you decided to give the kids a day trip with Leon since their only trip with Leon was when they were still babies. Sighing once more before giving sleep another try, you start to mentally compile all the things needed for tomorrow’s road trip.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

“She’s already got a stain on his shirt and the ice cream hasn’t even melted yet,” Leon says with an amused grin as he tries to wipe the chocolate off of Euphemia’s pink shirt with a wet wipe. You’re preoccupied with watching over the other twin Ollie, who’s trying to call a stray cat and give the kitty a lick of his vanilla ice cream. You look back at Leon, who’s giving his daughter kisses as he got the stain to look a lot less dark than it was earlier.

“Pheme still tends to get ice cream everywhere,” you softly tell him as you offer another set of wipes, to which he declines since the stain isn’t obvious and the wipes could be used for later. Leon smiles when he notices you use the nickname he gave to Euphemia; he’s managed to get you to use this one instead of his other loving nickname for Oliver, “Rolliver Polliver”, derived from when Ollie almost ate a roly poly bug.

All of you finish eating ice cream without getting any more stains or a cat being fed something it shouldn’t be fed and get back to the car, hitting the road once more. Queen, Hall & Oates, Elton John, and The Flamingos have been traded for nursery rhymes and songs to induce sleep in toddlers in order to get them to nap a little bit. Instead of Leon sitting in the passenger seat with you, he decided to sit at the back in between the kids in order to spend some time being near them on the road trip. The twins seemed to have gotten their habit of sleeping with their head leaned back and mouth slightly ajar while softly snoring from Leon, who is also asleep with his hands on their child car seat. Caught in a red light, you quietly observe this tender moment in the front and snap a few pictures of them with your digital camera from 1989 that still surprisingly works well. You giggle at the sight behind you, heart melting at seeing your husband and children look so adorable. His jacket is on your lap when you told him that you were feeling a little chilly, insisting that he’s fine in the back without one. Just earlier, he was making funny faces and holding a serious, one-sided conversation with his little ones, making them laugh and giggle at his every word and now they’re all asleep together. If it means having more moments like this, you’re ready to fight the D.S.O. for keeping your husband occupied on the other side of the world. You guess that it’s also moments like these that Leon continues to fight bioterrorism so that other families can safely enjoy moments like this one without worrying about monsters coming to harm their loved ones. Since the red light is still going and you seem to have been caught in a moderate traffic, you take out your video cam and film the soft scene behind you. “Papa and the kiddos are sleeping together, their snoring isn’t in sync so there’s no moment of silence for me but I don’t mind. I love you all so much and momma is very happy right now.”

After nearly four hours of driving, you four finally get to the cliff overlooking the great wide sea. Parking your car to a safe place, you take out the picnic basket and start preparing your spot. You two chose a spot underneath the shade of a thick tuliptree, a cover from the hot sun. The kids have been asking so much about finally being able to play soccer and ‘helicopter’, a game where Pheme and Ollie hang from Leon’s arms as he spins around (the twins have promised to never, ever play ‘helicopter’ again because they got dizzy but they seem to have ‘forgotten’ it this time) and you explained that they can play an hour after having the picnic and when the sun isn’t so hot anymore. Leon agrees and although the twins don’t seem too happy, they don’t appear to mind it that much since they’re eager to help Leon in unloading the car (he gave them the lighter tasks). As soon as the food is set and most of the bugs have been successfully warded off, the twins gather to sit beside you but before everyone can take a bite of the sandwiches, Leon gets up and takes the digital camera and snaps a couple of pictures, even attempting a selfie at one point. Soon, everyone digs into their sandwiches and stuffs their faces full of the snacks you and Leon prepared together in the morning.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

After what felt like the nth picture Leon has taken of you and the twins, he finally puts the camera down and puts it back in its case but picks up the video cam instead. The twins groan, urging their dad for more playtime even if they’re drenched in sweat with dirty knees.

“5 minutes,” Leon says as he starts recording. “Papa’s back hurts. Why don’t you ask mama?”

“Mama already played! She can’t carry us and she says she’s also tired! She’s reading now!” Pheme exclaims.

He points the camera towards you, reading a pocketbook in the picnic basket while dabbing your forehead and neck with a towel. He laughs and calls you, causing you to look up from the book you were engrossed with and blow him a kiss. He laughs one more time, ‘catching’ the kiss and placing it inside his shorts pocket which gets a giggle out of you.

“My beautiful wife is uhh sitting there, she’s reading.” He narrates as he zooms in. “Very beautiful, the sunlight is hitting her just right. Gosh, she makes me nervous and she doesn’t even know. Love her very much.”

He zooms out and zooms into his children, who decide to take interest in the rocks and starts flinging them towards the cliff with the intention to try to fling it to the ocean, which is quite far from where they are.

“Hey kiddos,” he says as he walks up to them and pats them with his free hand. “What’re you doin’?”

“We’re trying to throw rocks into the ocean!” Ollie and Pheme cheerfully explain, showing their rocks to the lens before flinging it with all their tiny might.

“Ooh, that’s quite far honey,” Leon comments. “Want me to try?”

The twins cheer and he takes that as an opportunity to throw one, the recording being temporarily shaky.

“Woah! You threw it far, papa!” The twins say and clap, determined to throw it as far as he did. He helps the twins throw it, focused on teaching them how to aim and the force they need to exert to fling it a little farther.

After several minutes of flinging rocks and random conversations with your husband and your kids, you call them over to look at the pictures Leon has taken. Everyone gathers around you as you look at each one, oohing and aahing at Leon’s photography skills. Leon focuses the cam on the pictures popping up in the digital camera, chipping in with his thoughts.

“Mommy looks amazing there,” he breathily says. “Divine. What’d you think, Pheme?”

“So pretty!” She beams before giving you a big kiss on the cheek. Ollie giggles and snuggles closer to you, occasionally pointing to the pictures.

Like you guessed, most of the pictures are of you, the kids, or both. Observant like their dad, they picked up on this as well.

“Pa, you’re not in a lot of the photos! It’s always us or mama!”

Leon chuckled, ruffling his kids’ heads. He extends a pointer finger to a shadow in the image before you switch to another one, pointing to the tall shadow once again.

“That’s me,” Leon explains. “I’m the shadow.”

His twins seem confused, falling into silence along with you, who is also intrigued by Leon’s words.

“When you look at these pictures when you’re bigger, I want you all to know that I’m always here. These are proofs that I’m with you because I’m the shadow and I’ll always look out for all three of you,” he explains

The twins say ‘aww’ at the same time and tackle his legs, hugging him tight. While you set the camera down and look at Leon with a small pout and slightly glossy eyes. Leon chuckles softly and places a free hand on your face, his thumb gently stroking your cheek before you join your twins in giving him a big bear hug as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“I love you, Leon.” You softly tell him, warm breath fanning against his neck.

“Me too, sweetheart. I love you more.” He tenderly responds as he hugs you and the kids back.

He’s thankful that this tender moment is caught on camera so he can rewatch it several more times before he goes to bed.

NOTE - I hope you liked this fic anon!!! At first, I wasn't super confident about writing this or how it'll turn out but I think it turned out nicely ngl :) YALL. I finally got my driver's license. I can drive. Do I know how to? I know the theoretical aspects of it but driving itself? Running a motor vehicle? I have yet to learn (it's on June 20-21 and my dad will teach me until I get better)... I also scarfed down a big spicy bowl of ramen coz I didn't have breakfast this morning <3 Also, It's not rlly embarrassing for me to be writing fics while my parents r sitting at the back (I'm at my living room) but making the border??? Looking for pics of Leon??? It's embarassing for me 😭😭 My dad said that my Chris capcorom looks like a Bánh bò and ngl I kinda see it 😭😭 There's a Japanese mall where I live and I'll be going there tomorrow so hopefully yk there's a copy of any RE book or manga (PLEASEPLEASEPLE) Anyways, that's it and thank you for readings my fics!!!!!! I <33333 UUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The wavy divider was made by @kaitsawamura , the images are made by me (sourced from Pinterest).

[sofs16]

lalalove

pair carlos x reader

carlosylln

liked by 17,363 others

carlosylln my roman empire. horror movie lalaland irl

view all 1,733 comments

ynupdted heavy on the lalaland… they had to break up to pursue their own dreams and they still support each other 😭😭😭

⤷ carloscharles15 wym break up… THEY BROKE UP? ⤷ ynupdted … THEY BROKE UP LIKE A YEAR AGO😭??????? ⤷ carloscharles15 BUT I JUST SAW HER COMMENT ON HIS RECENT? ⤷ ynupdted yeah they comment on each other’s posts but nothing else aside from that 😞

carlossainz55

liked by yn.yln, and others

carlossainz55 Happy new year from the Sainz’s 🥂🎊 Wishing everyone all the best for 2024. We missed you anasainzdec ❤️ view all 1,574 comments

yn.yln Feliz año nuevo, el mejor familia! (happy new year, the best family!) yn.yln Anaaaaa!!!!! Bonita🤍

[liked by carlossainz55]

⤷ anasainzdec te echo menos, yn🤍 a ti también! (Miss you, yn🤍 you also!) [ liked by yn.yln]

yncarlos ouch first christmas w/o yn 😞

⤷ ynlover girl no need to comment.. im sure theyre all aware 😭😭

yn.yln

liked by carlossainz55, and others

yn.yln absolutely in shambles as i’m typing this but… my sophomore album “silence between songs” will be yours next week, january 8th :,) so incredibly grateful for this opportunity and hope you guys enjoy it 🤍🤍🤍

view all 2,161 comments

carlossainz55 👸🎊

[liked by yn.yln]

⤷ totalcarlos MY HEART. anasainzdec😍😍😍

[liked by yn.yln]

⤷ yn.yln te quiero😽

carlossainzoficial Felicidades! [liked by yn.yln]

⤷ yn.yln mi padreeee! muchisimas gracias

yn.yln

liked by carlossainz55, and others

yn.yln at a loss for words. silence between songs is out 🥹🎀

view all 5,385 comments

carlossainz55 stories

♫ king of everything - yn yln | caption musica de dia!

replies

yn.yln muchas gracias, carlitos 🥹🤍

⤷ carlossainz55 de nada🥳

anasainzdec “We’re not together” you said 😂

⤷ carlossainz55 no necesitas repitir. muchos personas dice estoy enamorado con yn (you don’t need to repeat. many people say i’m in love with yn)

⤷ anasainzdec y estas? (and are you?)

⤷ carlossainz55 un poco. (a little)

yn.yln

liked by carlossainz55, and others

yn.yln don’t u? view all 31,374 comments

carlossainz55 😍

⤷ yn.yln The hypnosis photo worked, didn’t it?

⤷ carlossainz55 I am still stuck at the first slide. ⤷ ca55yn WHAT

charles_leclerc carlossainz55

⤷ carlossainz55 I got here before you

user55 HELPME CARLOS DOWN BAD.. AGAIN.

user52 yn, babes, you don’t need the hypnosis slide😭 we all down bad for u [‪‪❤︎‬ carlossainz55]

iMessage

YN

en serio? (are you serious?) con tu commento? (with your comment?)

CARLITOS

piensas estoy jocoso? (you think i’m joking?)

YN

Ya no se, Carlitos. ( i don’t know anymore) We’ve done this before.

CARLITOS

I do not stop thinking about you though

YN

Too bad, you broke it off last time.

CARLITOS

That was a mistake; we both know that, Hermosa.

YN

🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not risking it again. I like having you in my life, even if it is s a friend

CARLITOS

But we can be more than that

YN

How come

CARLITOS

i’m going to win you over one day;)

delivered

ynupdates

liked by carlando55, and 12,779 others

ynupdated Yn Yln kicks off her tour in Madrid Spain and sings an unreleased song: Decode! Lyrics are seen in the next slide. Many believe this is about Carlos Sainz, her ex, who many say attended the concert. #ynyln #tour

view all 283 comments

user1 dramaticcccc why doesn’t she just get with him? it’s obvious he’s obsessed with her

⤷ ynupdates it’s not really easy to have a tour everywhere and have your boyfriend race everywhere lol. Yn mentioned it was the distance that ultimately ended their relationship, no bad blood. ⤷ user2 long distance with her first bf is so😭

⤷ ynupdated carlos being her first bf is 😭 she does not dilly dally

yn.yln

liked by carlossainz55, and 7,272,953 others

yn.yln wouldn’t trade this for anything 🤍 thank you madrid, te amooooooo te quierooooo

view all 261,842 comments

carlossainz posted an instagram story

caption: a star

yn.yln replied!

stop being a simp boyy

you are going to get us EXPOSED ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES

⤷ I can’t help it when my GIRLFRIEND looks like that😍

yn.yln

liked by carlossainz55, and 15,272,584 others no

yn.yln Hi! Hello! Released a new song! And a music video! It’s called Please Please Please! Check it out! Love ya! Xx Yn (and Carlitos)! view all 2,822,593 comments

user1 YN ITS 3 IN THE MORNING. carloyn THE HARDLAUNCH AND MV HARDLAUNCH

user2 this is why she’s been silent for a month aside from tour 😭😭😭😭

carlossainz55 👸😍

Liked by 181,181 others

ynupdated STOP SPAMMING MY PHONE 😭 YN RELEASED A NEW SONG CALLED PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE (LYRICS NEXT SLIDE) GNB

View all 21,913 others

Userq let admin sleep😭

user2 dont embarass me motherfucker😭

carlossainz55

liked by yn.yln, and 31,183,954 others

carlossainz55 Will not be that motherfucker who embarrases her ❤️

view all 2,833,595 comments

user7 BRO PULLED OUT ALL THE GF RECEIPTS IN ONE POST

yn.yln babe… why these pics 😭 love you tho

⤷ carlossainz55 what? You look gorgeous, you always do

⤷ yn.yln😍🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜💜🤎🩵 LOVE YOU😍😍😍

⤷ user4 atp yn will be embarrassing Carlos with her random shit AHAHAHA ♥ yn.yln

[wilted-society]

🖤🤍🐈‍⬛

what do you think about soulmate au with either Theo or Mattheo thanks!!

It's currently 1 am here but considering that this is my alone time and i'm also bored, i will absolutely do this! i hope you like it!

soulmate au!hot and cold

pairings: theodore nott x reader

genre: soulmate au

warnings: none

— In a soulmate AU with the hot and cold dynamic, the world operates on the belief that each person has a soulmate who, when near, brings warmth to the individual. The farther their soulmate is, the colder they get. And the nearer their soulmate is, the warmer they get.

You shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, your body curled around the well-worn spine of a book, attempting to anchor yourself against the biting cold that permeated the Slytherin common room. The chill seemed to seep through the stone walls and the thick curtains drawn across the windows, as if the very air itself conspired to dampen any warmth that ventured inside.

As you flipped to the next pages of your book, Theodore Nott entered the room with an ethereal grace, his silhouette melding with the faint light spilling from the fire. There was a peculiar warmth that radiated around him, an almost imperceptible shift in the atmosphere that contrasted sharply with the bitter cold that clung to the room’s corners. It was a phenomenon you had become aware of, an inexplicable warmth that accompanied him wherever he went. It intrigued you. It made you think if you were imagining the sensation of how it became less chilly when he entered the common room.

His gaze drifted to you, observing the tension in your posture as you tried to ignore the chill. “Having trouble with the cold tonight?” he inquired, his voice low and unhurried.

You glanced up, feeling a faint flush rise to your cheeks. “It’s a bit relentless tonight,” you admitted, lowering your eyes to the pages of your book. “I feel as though the chill has taken residence in my bones.”

Theodore approached the fire, his steps deliberate and measured, and the warmth that seemed to surround him followed in his wake. It was a strange sensation, one that you had yet to fully understand, but it provided a subtle reprieve from the icy grip of the common room.

Theodore stood there—wordlessly for a good minute. Just staring into the fire as if he was waiting for something to jump out, his mind dazed as he was deep into his thoughts.

You glance at him, wondering ‘What could be in his mind?’ Before drawing your attention back to the book you were reading. Distracting you from the fact that it was warmer since he entered the room.

“Well, you mustn't be staying up all night then. You might end up asleep during Charms class tomorrow.” He spoke up, turning around and smirking at you. You smile, closing the book and looking up at him.

“You're right, I probably should've learned my lessons by now.” You held the book on your lap, much more comfortable now. Though you were intrigued why it was warm all of a sudden.

Theodore nodded, “I'm off then. Have a good night.” he flashed a genuine smile. “Goodnight, Theodore.” You simply replied, returning the genuine smile as you stood up as well.

You bade your goodbyes and went to your respective dorms, you simply can't help but notice the warmth slipping away as you went to different paths. Which made you confused, and intrigued. ‘Is he the one?’ Oh nonsense! You decided that it was best to sleep your thoughts off and deal with them in the morning.

-

You wandered through the empty corridors of Hogwarts, the flickering candlelight casting eerie shadows that danced along the cold stone walls. The chill of winter had permeated every corner of the castle, lingering like a constant, unforgiving presence. Every movement you made seemed to intensify the cold, as if the very air around you had become a barrier between warmth and you.

Theodore Nott had always been an enigma to you. There was something magnetic about him, a charm that was both infuriating and alluring. It wasn’t just his looks—though his dark hair and enigmatic smile certainly added to his allure. It was the way he seemed to challenge everything around him, pushing boundaries with a nonchalance that left everyone guessing.

Tonight was not any different than last night. Tonight, the cold seemed particularly harsh, clinging to your skin and settling into your bones. You found yourself wandering toward the entrance hall, where the heavy wooden doors creaked shut behind you. The gust of icy wind that greeted you seemed to double in intensity as you stepped into the night air. You drew your cloak tighter around you, feeling the cold bite into your fingertips.

Theodore appeared out of the shadows, his tall figure looming over you. There was something in the way he looked at you, a mix of curiosity and something darker that sent a shiver down your spine.“Still freezing, huh?” he asked, his voice low and smooth.

You sighed, leaning against the stone wall for support. “Seems that way.”

He stepped closer, his presence almost crowding you against the wall. The cold around you seemed to intensify, yet there was a flicker of warmth in the air between you, something you couldn’t quite explain.“Maybe it’s not just the cold,” Theodore murmured, his breath warm against your ear.

You felt his fingers brush against your arm, sending a surge of warmth through you. It was as if he carried a fire within him that could chase away the cold, if only for a moment. “Are you trying to tell me something, Theodore?” you asked, your voice low and challenging.

He chuckled softly, his gaze never leaving yours. “Maybe I’m just trying to see if we can figure this out. After all, the cold always seems to follow you.”

You pressed your lips together, feeling the tension between you tighten. There was something about the way he looked at you, as if he could see right through your defenses. You glanced away, trying to ignore the heat that flared between you.

“I'm sorry but I have to get to Astronomy. Goodbye, Theodore.” You blurted out rather quickly, trying to keep a poker face as your legs began to pace out of the situation. Not daring to look back because if you did, you feared you wouldn't be able to get your eyes off.

-

Later that evening, after Astronomy, you found yourself in the dimly lit library, searching for an elusive book to help with your Potions project. The rustling of pages and the occasional creak of old furniture provided a serene soundtrack to your solitude.A shadow loomed over you, and you glanced up to see Theodore standing there, a smirk on his lips. “Still searching for warmth?” he inquired.

You sighed, rubbing your hands together. “The cold seems to follow me everywhere.”He moved closer, his fingers brushing against the edge of your arm, and you felt the warmth spread through you. The cold around you dissipated, replaced by a gentle, comforting heat.

“There’s more warmth where that came from,” he murmured, his voice low and husky.You glanced at him, feeling the tension between you intensify. “What are you playing at, Theodore?”

He chuckled, stepping closer. “Just trying to figure out if we’re soulmates or not. And if we are, I’d say we’re pretty damn close.”

Your heart raced at his words, and the warmth seemed to surge between you. You leaned in closer, drawn to him despite your better judgement.

“Or maybe you’re just trying to take advantage of the situation,” you whispered.

Theodore’s eyes gleamed with mischief. “Maybe. But if it’s a game of hot and cold, I think we’re pretty damn close.”

The heat between you became palpable, and for a moment, you hesitated.

But when his lips brushed against yours, the warmth became unmistakable, and you surrendered to the moment.

Suddenly the cold you felt was gone, and all that you could feel now was warmth. It was a foreign feeling to you, it felt like something you would only feel when he was around.

You surrendered to the kiss, feeling the connection between you deepen with every touch, every brush of his lips. The cold that had plagued you for weeks faded into a distant memory as his hands explored your body, drawing you closer.

And then it hit you.

It was in this moment that you realized—perhaps there was more to this cold than mere coincidence. Perhaps Theodore Nott was the missing piece to your own warmth, the one who could chase away the chill that had haunted you for so long.

And as you clung to him, feeling the heat between you intensify, you knew that the cold had no power over you anymore.

[wholoveseggs]

Heyy, you should make an Elijah fic where it’s set where he has his middle part and he falls in love with Elena’s best friend as the reader? With fluff and smut please!!! 🤍🤍

Rules {Part One}

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

Part One

As the little sister of the Salvatores, trouble always finds you. Whether it's from a vampire, werewolf or an original, you are always at the center of it. When the mysterious villain Elijah comes to Mystic Falls, everyone is trying to stop him from hurting Elena. But you? You might be falling in love...

♡♡ Thanks for the request beautiful anon! Middle part Elijah will forever have me in a chokehold && it's about time I write a little bit about the Salvatore brothers...♡♡

2k words - Warnings: this one is just mainly smut, foreplay, secret affair, enemies to lovers, Elijah being the sexiest middle-part menace he can be, reader is a lot like her brother Damon... will this turn into a romeo and juilet tragic romance ? maybee

"Rules? I don't recall such things..." You giggled softly, kicking your feet a little, a wide smile on your face.

Laying on your stomach in front of the fireplace at the boarding house, you chatted on the phone with Elijah. You ran your fingers through the soft rug underneath you, biting your lip and waiting for a response from him.

"Hmm, perhaps you just have a very poor memory then," Elijah murmured, you could hear the smile in his voice. It had you grinning like an idiot, and you had to roll onto your back and stare up at the ceiling just to calm yourself down. You felt giddy, excited, and so many other emotions that you thought were long dormant in your old age.

"Perhaps..." You murmured, letting out a happy sigh and smiling at the ceiling.

"Let me refresh your memory," Elijah whispered into the phone, his tone calm and deep, as he sat back in the large leather chair in his office. "Rule one, when we are together, it will just be us,"

"And it will be," You assured him, closing your eyes, imagining his voice directly in your ear. "Everyone has gone away for the night,"

"I don't see why we don't just rent a room," He chuckled softly.

"Because," you murmured, feeling shyer by the second. "I want you to see my room, I have some books and art to share with you, there's this painting I hung up the other day that you would love..."

Elijah smiled, looking down and picking at a piece of lint on his pants, unable to deny how much he liked that thought. "I would love to see all the details of what makes you happy,"

You blushed, sitting up on your thighs, the heat of the fireplace warming your back.

"So? Come over?" You asked, hopeful, almost squirming with need.

Elijah knew this was a bad idea, if the Salvatore brothers returned, he would have to deal with their wrath. They were the enemy, but you... You were a weakness, one he couldn't seem to ignore.

"What would I get in return?" He wondered, standing up and moving over to the window.

You grinned, a plan forming. "Anything you want..."

Elijah licked his lips, feeling his heart beat just a bit faster.

"You are dangerous..." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Give me an hour,"

You giggled happily, rolling onto your stomach and kicking your legs behind you. "I'll be waiting,"

With a small hum of confirmation, Elijah ended the call.

You tossed your phone aside and scurried to your room, deciding what to wear. Usually you weren't shy or nervous to hook-up with someone, but with Elijah it was different.

It had been a few weeks, and you had both agreed, the last time would be the only time. But then one thing led to another, a text here, an invitation there, and now you couldn't deny the pull between the two of you.

After showering and shaving and washing, you stood naked in your closet and looked through the clothes. You finally settled on a simple yet expensive lingerie set that hugged your body and pushed up your breasts. Then you slipped into a simple black dress, deciding to keep it casual, since you were planning on being naked for most of the night.

A knock on the door made you grin, and you rushed to the door, your excitement bubbling to the surface.

Elijah stood on the porch, hands tucked in the pockets of his long trench coat, a small smile on his face.

"Hello, Miss Salvatore," He said softly, stepping inside.

You shut the door behind him, pressing your back against it, taking in the man before you.

"Elijah," You purred, grinning like a cat. "Glad you could join me,"

Elijah hummed softly, his eyes roaming your form. You could see the lust in his eyes, the way his jaw clenched.

"You know, the last time we were alone, I believe we agreed this would not happen again," Elijah reminded, taking a step forward, closing the gap between you.

"Hmm, did we?" You murmured, your hand reaching out and running down the front of his suit, feeling the material. You stopped and looked up at him, a grin on your face.

He leaned down and kissed you, his lips soft and gentle against yours. His hands went to your hips, pulling you flush against him.

You let out a small gasp, a hand going to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.

You pulled away, your cheeks a light pink and your breathing heavy. He already had you dizzy, and he had barely done anything.

"How about a tour?" He murmured, a smile on his lips.

"Sure," You nodded, pulling him towards the stairs, a giddy smile on your face.

He followed along, not paying attention to the art and paintings on the walls, instead he was watching you, the way your hips swayed with every step, and the smile on your face as you brought him closer and closer to your bedroom.

As soon as you stepped through the door, Elijah's hands were on your waist, his lips kissing along your neck and shoulders. He kicked the door close, and started pushing you further into the room.

You stumbled a little, giggling and holding onto his arm, letting him push you towards the bed. You spun around and faced him, and he leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a passionate kiss. You ran your hands up his chest and to his tie, unknotting it and throwing it on the ground. You worked on his jacket next, sliding it off his shoulders and down his arms, leaving him in his white shirt.

"Mm, you're rushing," Elijah teased, nipping at your bottom lip, his hands gripping your hips tightly.

"No, no, you're just too slow," You shot back, ripping open his shirt, the buttons flying across the room.

Elijah looked down at his torn shirt, and then up at you, his lips curled into a smirk. "Careful,"

"Or what?" You teased, running your fingers through his hair, a playful glint in your eyes.

Elijah pushed you backwards, and you fell onto the bed, letting out a laugh as he crawled up your body, his mouth attaching to your neck, sucking and biting, making you moan.

"Greedy little vampire, aren't you?" He murmured against your skin, his hands running up your thighs, slowly pushing your dress up.

"Hmm, for you," You purred, tugging at his belt, getting frustrated when you couldn't get it undone.

Elijah chuckled, sitting up and working his belt free, a cocky smirk on his lips. You rolled your eyes, and wiggled your way out of your dress, tossing it onto the ground, leaving you in nothing but the black lace lingerie.

"My, my," Elijah said slowly, his eyes drinking in the sight before him. "You look stunning,"

You bit your lip, a small smile on your face as he climbed back on top of you, his hands running up your sides.

"This was an excellent choice," He murmured, running his fingers over the lace. "Maybe I should rip it off, make it match my shirt,"

"Don't you dare," You warned, wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing his mouth to yours.

Your hand rested against his stomach, and you let it wander up his chest. You could feel his strength as he held himself over you, the muscles of his arms flexing, his chest rising and falling.

His hair fell into his face, framing his cheekbones, his intense gaze fixed on you. You blushed and tucked his hair behind his ear, running your finger along his sharp jaw.

"You're so handsome," You breathed, the words escaping your lips before you could stop them.

Elijah chuckled, his breath hot against your skin.

"And you're breathtaking," He murmured, before ripping off your lingerie, leaving you completely bare beneath him.

"I told you not to do that," You gasped, though you weren't really angry, your blood was already rushing south.

He grinned, his fingers trailing up your leg, teasing your core. You spread your legs wider, and he eased a finger inside you, chuckling as your annoyed expression melted into pleasure. He watched you like this, lips parted, panting softly. Then he added second finger, then a third, until he was fucking you with three fingers, the palm of his hand brushing against your clit.

"Elijah," You moaned, tugging him down, kissing him roughly.

Elijah smirked against your lips, and curled his fingers, finding that sweet spot that had you seeing stars.

"Fuck," You moaned, arching off the bed, your eyes screwed shut.

"That's it," He encouraged, his eyes dark with lust as he watched you, his fingers picking up speed, curling and twisting inside you.

"I can't..." You whined, squirming and grabbing his wrist.

"But you can," He mumbled, kissing you deeply. You moaned into the kiss as he moved his hand faster. The tension was so delicious and intoxicating, but before you could reach your release, Elijah was pulling his hand back.

You were so lost in pleasure you didn't hear the sound of the front door opening, or the noise of Stefan and Damon entering the house.

But Elijah did. He froze, his ears trained on the footsteps of the Salvatore brothers. He cursed under his breath, and turned to look down at you, a smirk playing on his lips.

You frowned at the lack of contact, and pouted, looking up at him, confused. You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off with a kiss.

Then you heard them.

In a flash Elijah was gone, all that was left of his touch was your scattered breathing and lust filled eyes.

You heard the sound of your brother's footsteps coming up the stairs and pulled a blanket over yourself. A moment later Damon and Stefan walked in the doorway.

"What do you want?" You muttered, looking grumpy, and trying to sound like you were angry at being interrupted from a good sleep.

"Just checking in," Stefan smiled, before noticing how disheveled your hair was, the blush in your cheeks, and the fact that you were wrapped in a blanket and nothing else.

"Have you been here all night?" Damon asked, looking concerned.

"Yes," You snapped, sitting up and pulling the blankets tighter around you. "I was tired and fell asleep reading,"

Stefan and Damon shared a look, neither looked like they were buying your story.

"We'll let you rest," Stefan nodded, heading for the door, giving you a suspicious look.

"Yeah, go back to sleep, we'll be downstairs," Damon murmured, shooting you a knowing look, before following his brother out the door, shutting it behind him.

Once they were gone, you collapsed back against the pillows, letting out a breath.

You could still feel Elijah's lips on yours, still smell his cologne, still taste him on your tongue. You closed your eyes, a smile spreading across your face.

It was in that moment, that you knew you were absolutely, undeniably, hopelessly, in love with Elijah.

And, without a doubt, completely and utterly fucked.

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@li-da-savage

[bgomtori]

☆ colours - c.bg

synopsis - despite everything you two have been through, all good things must come to an end right?

-> beomgyu x reader

-> listen to colors by halsey for an experience 🤍

-> friends to potential lovers to acquintances, highschool au

-> warnings! beomgyu pushes reader away, angst, talks on mental illness and eating disorders, yn becomes an insomniac, beomgyu's a year older than you

-> notes! i've gotten back into jjk for the 7th time, and i saw like 3 edits abt stsg to the song colors, so i just wanted to LET IT OUT. GEGE AKUTAMI WATCH OUT

love is the most twisted curse of them all

tired eyes scanning through the folder of memories on your phone, your head dipping into the fluffy cushions underneath you. you didn't want to go through it again, but you couldn't stop your fingers from moving. your eyes watered, tears dripping from the corner. this was at least your 50th time rereading past messages, past folders, and old voicemails you had with choi beomgyu

choi beomgyu, the man that he was. talented, charming, and pretty. he was constantly bombarded with the squeels from your schoolmates along the hallways. however, he would always stick to you like glue, to him, you were everything he wanted. what a trope, maybe opposites do attract.

he was the light to your darkness, even if he stuck onto you like a emotionally attached puppy, you appreciated his presence. as much as you wanted to ignore his pestering, you enjoyed it, too much, to the point where your heart starts beating rapidly whenever he's around.

"ynn, let's go to the arcade after school. you don't have anything after right? let's go." the way he drags his words to persuade you into doing something he wants to do with you, and how your name rolling off his tongue perfectly, has an effect on you. his arms leaned on your desk, giving you puppy dog eyes.

"beomgyu, we have a test next week, i can't just waste my time playing games with you." you closed your textbook, placing your pen back into your pencilcase, making eye contact with beomgyu.

"come onn, you've been studying so much this entire week, you've barely hung out with me." beomgyu whined, using the tip of his shoes to kick your shins.

"beomgyu. this test is important for my final grade." you firmly stated your point, hoping that it'll get through beomgyu's thick skull. you sigh when beomgyu continues to look at you with the same puppy eyes, your words going deaf to his ears.

"fine.." you muttered out, you could have sworn that you saw beomgyu's eyes sparkle when you said that. he jumped out of the random chair he stole from the person who sat infront of you.

"i'll wait for you outside your class! see you!" beomgyu beamed, messing your hair before skipping out of the class like a lunatic. you watched as he left your class, smiling to yourself.

"are you giggling over choi beomgyu like everyone else?" your tablemate, natty, commented. knowing the teasing glint she had in her eyes, you glared at her.

"shut up."

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

"i'm graduating in a month, will you miss me?" beomgyu smirked, biting on the straw of his drink. you took small bites out of the bread beomgyu got for you, giving him a disgusted glare.

"what's with that look." beomgyu gasped, swinging his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. the side of your body was completely squished against him, you could feel your heart about to jump out of your throat. he was too close, too close for your liking.

"i'm going to miss my favourite junior ever, you know that right? you're my favourite junior, no one can ever compare to you." beomgyu reminded you, your lips pursed into a line, pushing his body away from yours.

"don't you have other juniors to care about? why me?" you asked, your eyes not leaving his own round ones.

"isn't it obvious.." he mumbled, not loud enough for you to hear.

"huh? speak up."

"it's nothing! come on hurry, i have a new song to play for you on the guitar." beomgyu grabbed your hand, running towards the direction of his house. you screeched as he pulled you at a speed you were not ready for. you felt like you were running a track competition at this point, just how much stamina does choi beomgyu have?

your head was dizzy, you haven't ran in such a long time at a distance you don't even want to remember. the click of beomgyu's door caused your head to look up from your phone.

"sorry for making you run, i was just excited." beomgyu apologised, placing a plate of fruits and a cup of water on the floor, finding himself on the floor beside you.

"it's fine." you shook your head, poking the fruits on the plate, not having an appetite for them. beomgyu noticed your odd behaviour throughout your entire conversation with him, from the way you just took small bites of the fruits and taking huge gulps of water.

"have you been eating these days?" the sudden question had you panicking, is he always this observant? your eyes darted around his room.

"i ate the bread earlier, doesn't that answer your question?" you replied non-chalantly.

"i meant like proper meals, when was the last time you have eaten an actual meal?" his face has gotten serious, you thought to yourself, your nails dug into the flesh of your thigh, trying to think of a plausible answer.

"i can read you like a book yn, you can't lie to me." beomgyu sighs, his hands reaching out for yours, pulling them away from your thighs.

"i know i'm always not serious around you, but this has to stop soon okay? don't starve yourself, it's unhealthy, and i'm worried for you okay?" beomgyu carressed the knuckles of your fingers. slowly, you calmed yourself down from the unsettling thoughts that were eating you alive, smiling at beomgyu,

"i'm sorry, i'll stop. i don't like seeing you all worried because of me."

beomgyu's lipped tugged up into a smile, standing up, "i'll make something for you to eat, wait here."

from that day on, you knew you could rely on beomgyu with whatever problems you had. he's your best friend either way, opening up to him was easy. he was your solution to everything.

that was until a week before beomgyu's graduation, you've noticed that his radiant aura was turning dull, his eyes slowly getting more tired by the time. despite that, he has been wearing a fake smile around his batchmates, smiling whenever he was with them, returning the same energy they were giving him. your eyes squinted at his odd behaviour, you too, could read him like a book.

"you're not actually that optimistic right?" you stated, trailing behind beomgyu. beomgyu paused in his tracks, turning to face you.

"what are you talking about yn?"

"you know what i'm talking about. if you need it, i'm here to help you." you inched closer to beomgyu.

"please, if you're hurting let me help you too. let me return that favour. isn't that what friends are for?" you gagged at your words, friends? of course. you two were just friends, nothing more.

"aren't you cute? don't worry about it yn, i'll tell you everything soon." beomgyu patted your cheeks, waving a quick goodbye to you before disappearing into his classroom. you stared at the empty spot infront of you, why isn't he telling you anything after everything? didn't he tell you that he trusted you with all his life, if not, why isn't he opening up to you?

you bit your lips, trying to suppress the tears that were about to flow out. you groaned, walking back to your class as if nothing happened, but your mind was overthinking, again.

what you failed to notice was that beomgyu was watching you from the window of his class, his heart ached seeing your pained expression. he then felt a tug on his sleeve.

"when are you going to tell her?" seungmin whispered, his eyes watching beomgyu's actions carefully.

"soon enough."

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

it was finally the day every senior had been dreading or anticipating. you stayed back after school to watch the ceremony, in hopes of seeing your seniors for one last time before they leave, including choi beomgyu.

you felt so proud for him, he's finally done with this hell, and now he can follow his dreams. however, you couldn't escape the feeling of emptiness, without him, what were you? ever since he started distancing himself from you, you felt horrible, you felt like shit.

before you knew it, the ceremony was over, the crowd screamed in joy, running to find their best friends in the crowd. you did the same, dashing to where beomgyu might be at. you hated running, but in order to talk to him in school one last time, you ran as fast as you could.

finally, you found him, your eyes watched as he took multiple pictures with the girls from his batch and yours. your face fell as you realise that the crowd practically engulfed him, you probably wouldn't have enough time to have a decent conversation with him.

however, your eyes met his, your body tensed up, he looked exhausted, yet he was still able to flash you a cute smile that you reciprocated. he signalled you to go towards him, telling the crowd that he needed to leave soon, and that was when you walked towards him.

"congrats on graduating." you hugged him, feeling his body slowly soften under your touch.

"lovebirds, wanna take a picture together?" seungmin shouted, his hand stretched out, asking for your phones. both you and beomgyu handed him your phones. seungmin smirked, snapping numerous shots for the two of you.

when he returned your phones, he whispered something in beomgyu's ear, causing him to blush and yell at him to shut up.

"don't mind him. come with me, i have something to tell you." beomgyu shoved his phone back into his pocket, dragging to towards a familiar direction.

the walk was comforting, you talked about everything that came to mind. beomgyu stared as you rambled, watching you as if you hung the stars in the sky, you were stunning.

"sorry, was i saying too much?" you mumbled, sitting beside beomgyu on a bench at the park where you first met. beomgyu shook his head.

"i like hearing you talk don't worry." reassuring you.

"what did you want to tell me anyways?"

"before that, take this, i want you to cherish this forever, as if your life depends on it okay?" beomgyu pulled out a ring, placing it on your pinky. your heart raced, the butterflies in your stomach turned into a whole zoo, your face felt warm.

"what for..?"

"i'm leaving daegu to pursue my dreams, i may not be able to see any of you again, so i just want you to have this as a reminder of me." beomgyu suddenly announced. your eyes widened, a lump formed in your throat, leaving your mouth dry.

"what are you saying? can't you at least keep in contact with me? that's stupid, you can't just cut everyone out of your life like that." you argued, biting back the tears that were watering your eyes.

"you're making this harder for me." beomgyu laughed, "you'll distract me from achieving what i want, my priority isn't you."

you were smacked with the hard truth, beomgyu was more determined to pursue his lifelong dream, and in order to do this, he has to let go of one of his dreams, and that dream was to be with you forever. your goals were completely different, you would only hinder his progress towards success. your eyes stung with tears, it hurts.

"gyu, you can't do this, maybe we can figure something out?" you pleaded, you couldn't live without him by your side. beomgyu wiped your tears with his thumb, making you look at him.

"you know i love you right? if you love me back, promise me that you'll let me go." beomgyu forced a smile, trying to calm you down.

"you? what? why didn't you tell me this earlier? we could have spent more time together as a couple." your voice was shaky, you wanted to leave, but you wanted to stay by his side till the end.

"yea i could have, but i guess i was too scared, so were you though." beomgyu shrugged, laughing dryly to himself. he hated this, he hated the fact that you were crying because of him, he hated that he can't do anything to stop you from crying. beomgyu watched you sobbed, his eyes beginning to sting, but he blinked the tears away.

"this is just a bad dream right?" you looked at beomgyu. beomgyu held your hand, shaking his head slowly, your eyes tearing up once more.

"sometimes love can be the most twisted curse of them all." beomgyu chuckled, looking off to the side.

"then at least curse me a little at the end." you hiccupped. beomgyu's eyes widened, softening once he made eye contact with you. he pulled you into a kiss filled with longing and desperation. you were quick to kiss him back, you didn't want this to end, you wanted him to stay by your side forever. you slowly pulled away from him, wiping off the dried up tears from your face. beomgyu took your pinky, intertwining them with his,

"i'll go now, take care of yourself for me okay? please eat well." beomgyu kissed your lips once before walking away from you. leaving you to cry by yourself on the bench, at the park where you first met, and now you've ended it at the same spot.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

bonus!

beomgyu started sobbing when he walked away from you. you must have endured so much pain when he left you in the dark for so long. his first love, a love where it could have blossomed into something more than friends, crumbling down like that. he hated himself for that, he hated seeing you hurt, but you would still suffer the same fate if you stayed by his side. thus he made his decision that week prior to his graduation.

perm taglist! (send an ask to be added) @mrsyawnzzn @tinyelfperson @woncheecks @boba-beom @naveries @be-argyu @defnotleee

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Officer Stark

A/N: This is for you @ccbsrmsf1 my lovely! I’ve heard you’ve been stressed lately, so here’s an attempt to make you feel better. @nicoline1998enilocin You’re a good friend, my darling. Leave a comment, heart or reblog if you’ve enjoyed the story.

Picture credits: @tonystark-au 🤍

Pairing: Tony Stark x F! Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut & humour.

Word count: 1642

Tony Stark Masterlist

.

You never got pulled over. This was a first.

Sitting in your car, your fingers tapped against the steering wheel in nervousness as you waited for a cop to appear by your window and give you a ticket for overspeeding. In your defense, you were heading home after a terribly long day at work.

Your muscles ached, your head felt like it was about to explode, you were looking forward to soaking your butt in a hot bubble bath. And now you were on the side of the road, waiting for a frickin cop.

A figure approached, got closer and closer to the mirror as you watched, taking a deep breath before looking out the window. Standing outside was the most strikingly good looking cop you had seen in your entire life.

The dark gray uniform hugged his muscles perfectly, a tie fixed to his shirt with a gold pin, a badge adorning his taut chest. He motioned for you to roll down your window, a small smirk appearing on his features as you did. You wished to see his eyes that were hiding behind those aviators, but you were sure they were just as pretty as he was.

Safe to say you had a thing for men in uniforms. And this guy wasn’t helping. At all.

Your heartbeat quickened as he opened his mouth to speak, asking you for your driving license. Watching you fumble only deepened that smirk, like he knew the effect he had on you.

“Did you realize you were driving over the speed limit, ma’am?”

“It’s Y/N.”

Mentally you cursed yourself, feeling heat rush up to your cheeks as your meek little voice reached his ears. Why would you even say that?

“I–I’m sorry, I understand I was. And I’m sorry, officer.” you mumbled, shaking your head.

“It’s Stark.”

Your head snapped up in his direction, an amused smile adorned his handsome features as he lowered his sunglasses just about an inch.

“I’m gonna ask you to step out of your vehicle, Y/N.”

You obeyed at once, and you could swear to God you heard him say ‘good girl’ under his breath, or you imagined it. You weren’t sure given your flustered state.

His walkie beeped and you heard a muffled announcement come through, it was hard to decipher. Also because your eyes were fixated on the way Officer Stark’s lips moved as he held it mere millimeters away from his mouth, the movement also gave you a chance to shamelessly check out his toned arms with veins that popped out.

He was a few steps ahead of you, and your eyes couldn’t help themselves as they wandered shamelessly over his rear. The slate gray pants defined his ass so well you salivated at the thought. He wasn’t too tall, you noticed, but you thought his persona more than made him for his lack of height.

You stood staring at your feet after you reached his car, feeling terrible about how the day had been, and how quickly it went from bad to worse. He scribbled something on a pad, throwing occasional glances your way. Was he checking you out?

The silence stretched long, you grew impatient enough to clear your throat to get his attention.

“Aren’t you going to give me a ticket?” he simply hummed in response, making you frown as you wrapped your arms around yourself, the air was pretty cool out.

“Or I could just arrest you.”

“W-what?”

Of all things that could go wrong today, you weren’t imagining this day to end with you going to jail. You hoped and prayed to God there was another way around it.

“For driving a little over the speed limit? That is highly unnecessary!”

A metal clinking sound reached your ears before you saw Officer Stark take out a pair of handcuffs. He seemed to be having fun watching you all flustered and tense, stepping in your personal space, a little too close, allowing you a whiff of his musky cologne.

“Hands behind your back. Now.”

When you didn’t oblige, he reached around to clasp your wrists together and held them behind your back, his warm breath fanned over your cheek as he clicked the handcuffs in place. You swore as his body deliberately brushed against yours, you felt his bulge against your lower abdomen. As if his presence wasn’t enough to get your panties damp, this little gesture only added fuel to the fire that unfurled deep within your belly.

“Now that’s a good girl.” his eyes raked appreciatively over you, while he grazed his fingers over your waist, leaving a trail of dark, x-rated thoughts in their wake. This certainly took a turn where only your deepest fantasies had gone until today. It was like your brain had turned hazy, unable to think rationally.

“Officer Stark please...” you trailed off.

He clicked his tongue, gently caressing the side of your face and reveling in the way your body reacted to his touch.

“You’d do anything? No. You’ll let me do anything, Miss Y/L/N. Because you’re such a good girl, aren’t you?”

He expected an answer out of you, his coffee brown eyes now revealed that stared intently, swimming with lust. Morals left you as you felt yourself nod in a yes, the last thing you saw was a victorious grin before Officer Stark’s lips descended on yours. Capturing you in a heady mix of want and desire, your resolve melted away.

His grip on you was strong, not that you would run away, you wanted this as much as he did, you were at his mercy. His hands cupped your breasts wantonly, slipping down to undo your pants. A needy moan escaped your lips as his fingers made it past your panties to find you soaked for him.

“What do we have here? You’re so wet, dirty girl. Did you want this to happen?”

His voice sent a thrill down your spine while he teased your wet folds, thumb brushing against your clit occasionally. He nipped at your bottom lip when you remained quiet, withdrawing his fingers slowly.

“Yes! Yes! I wanted this to happen. Touch me, please.” hating how desperate you sounded, you let out a gasp when he rewarded you with two finger that pushed into your slick entrance.

“That’s a good girl.” he murmured against your lips, trailing them down your neck while massaging your walls, stretching you open deliciously. Your hips moved to gain more friction, needy for more as his words and ministrations brought you to the brink of your climax.

It was the kind of pleasure that made you moan out loud, so loud it resounded everywhere. Least bothered about the fact that you were out on the side of a road, handcuffed while being fingered to the most earth-shattering orgasm by a police officer.

“Mmm…” your moan reached Tony’s ears, making him stop in his tracks to look back. Seeing you on your side, still fast asleep with your leg draped over a pillow and hand reaching over to caress the sheets, it piqued his curiosity.

“I’ll be your good girl, officer…” you mumbled, the words garbled but clear enough to make Tony lie back down next to you with a wide grin on his face as you dreamt on, blissfully unaware that your boyfriend was an audience to it all. He felt his cock twitch inside his boxers at the sight of you panting and moaning in your sleep.

With a sudden gasp, your eyes flew open, making you realize it was all a dream. Light sweat clung to your skin as you released the tight grip you had on your sheets. You were met with a smirking Tony Stark who was eyeing you with amusement, waiting for you to get your bearings.

“Someone had a good night’s sleep.”

You felt heat rush up to your face at his words, he probably heard you talk or worse, moan in sleep. The dream had felt too real.

“Now I understand the kind of porn you’re into, what was your safeword?.” he jested, catching the pillow you flung in his direction with a hearty laugh. Your neck felt hot as you groaned into your hands, embarrassed about the whole thing.

“Can we just forget about it please?”

“No way. Tell me more, I wanna know.”

“You were a police officer.” you mumbled, your voice too low and incoherent.

“What?”

“You were a police officer, okay? Happy now?” you shook your head, wanting him to drop the subject, but then again, knowing Tony, he probably wouldn’t.

“Hey I’m just happy it was me. Judging by your moans there, I could tell I was pretty good.” Tony chuckled, grazing a finger up your arm only for you to swat it away.

“Drop it, Tony.” you begged, throwing the sheet off of your legs to get up. You just knew you were in for a whole day of this with your boyfriend, or days.

“Just out of curiosity, what did I arrest you for?” Tony seemed thoroughly entertained by the idea as his eyes bore into yours, mirth swimming in them.

“Overspeeding.” You admitted sheepishly as he chuckled, clearly enjoying this reaction.

“Ironic.” He was amused, given how he wasn’t exactly known for driving within the speed limit. He stood up all of a sudden, headed for the door while pulling out his phone to type something.

“Where are you going now?”

“To see about that uniform for my girl, where d’you think?”

[jstor]

Yooohooooo!! Hi Friend! 🤗

How do I does my friend get her dissertation published on Jay-star Jstor??

Thank you!🤍🧿

Hi! This is actually a common point that warrants clarifying, so thanks for bringing it up.

JSTOR in itself is not a publisher. Rather, we work with publishers to make content available all in one place. So at this time, your friend (😉) would have to go through another means of publishing.

You can explore which journals are currently making their content available on JSTOR here.

You can explore which publishers are currently making their books available on JSTOR here.

Hypothetically, in the event that a journal or publisher picks up the dissertation (or other form of research), that is when it could end up on the JSTOR platform.

I hope this is helpful, and feel free to reach out with any additional questions!

[synthetickitsune]

Hi!! I love your work sm and I was wondering if u could write a minghao drabble with the prompt “you don’t count- I love u” thank u 🤍🤍

The8 (SVT) | "You don't count - I love you" fluff | 0.8k | gn!reader A/N: thank you for requesting! also inspired by @hanniedream's froggy ring post and bibi being a menace feeding into all of my delusions

“Absolutely not.”

You pout at him, whine his name, whisper into his ear how cute it would be to have a matching jewelry - a silly piece, the exact opposite of the classy necklaces and rings and bracelets you already had plenty of. But nothing gets Minghao to change his mind, and so the little froggy faces can only watch as you leave the store without them.

You sulk about it only a little. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. Your relationship matters, and it’s loving and wonderful, and Minghao is the best partner you could wish for. What would be the point in wearing a matching ring if you knew he hated it? He always makes sure you don’t lack anything you want or need, silly or serious. You let it go and truth be told, the entire thing slips your mind.

Until today.

Until today’s afternoon, to be exact, today’s very ordinary afternoon when your boyfriend suddenly told you to close your eyes before putting a little box in your palms.

“Open it,” he smiles at you as he sits down next to you.

You feel a lump in your throat. There are two rings staring at you. Matching rings. One with a little black frog, its limbs spread as if it was swimming, and the other with little lily pads and a white blossom. Minghao must’ve had them made, you don’t think he could find rings like this in a shop somewhere. 

“Do you like them?” he asks with a small smile. His hand slowly rubs circles on the small of your back. You look at him in disbelief.

“Why Hao?” you take a shaky breath. He frowns, sitting closer to you and putting his other hand over your knee. 

“What do you mean why?” his brows are knitted together, “Do you not like them?”

“No, I do - I love them,” you sigh, “But you hate things like this.”

You look at them again. The sizes make it pretty clear which ring is his and which is yours. He’ll look even more like he came out of a fairytale with the tiny blossom adoring his finger. You truly love them. You love the cute little frog. And you appreciate the gesture, but…

“I wouldn’t get them if I hated the idea - or if I didn’t like these rings themselves,” he assures you patiently.

“But you hated the silly frog rings I showed you,” you argue back, making Minghao smile and pinch your cheek.

“And I didn’t get those, did I?” he watches you laugh and loosens up a little himself.

“These are still silly,” you shake your head, “More… tasteful and elegant, but silly.”

“I’m good at compromising with you,” he grins. His thumb strokes your knee absentmindedly. It’s good to see you relax again, good to see the tender look in your eyes as you study the rings.

He looks at the box resting in your hands and carefully takes it from you. He slides the frog adorned ring on your finger before handing the now half-empty box back to you. Suddenly he feels shy when you take his hand in yours. You stroke your thumb over the ring once it sits on his finger, tapping the little flower. 

“You know you can tell me if you don’t like them or if I hurt you before and you no longer want silly matching rings. I won’t be upset,” not at you anyway - but he doesn’t say that.

“I’m really happy, Hao,” you lean in for a kiss that he’s more than happy to give you, “I just don’t want you to do anything you don’t like.”

“I’m not,” he threatens the doubts in your mind with a slight pout on his lips.

“You always shut everyone down with things like this though,” you don’t give up, stubborn as he is.

“Well,” he smirks mischievously and leans closer again to steal another kiss, “You don’t count - I love you.”

“That’s so corny,” you scrunch up your nose, pushing at Minghao’s chest without any force. It’s only natural that with every push comes a pull, so you don’t struggle when he pulls you into his side.

“But I won’t wear mine all the time, just so we’re clear,” he says softly yet firmly enough to let you know it’s not up for debate. Still he looks at the ring with a smile.

“I guessed you don’t have that many fits to match it,” you tease, “But I’ll wear mine all the time just so you know.”

“I’ll wear it when I’m not running around schedules. And when I’m with you. We shouldn’t leave the frog without its home for too long, hm?” he laces your fingers together. You gasp when you see it - like this it indeed looks like the frog is swimming towards the lily pads. You can’t help but laugh and snuggle closer to him.

You guess it is a little like that - Mingao is your home.

And you’re Minghao’s whole life, giving his existence a purpose. Even if that might be too much for a little frog to convey.

[inuiiwonderland]

Hiiiii

What if you made an alternate ending to change my future where the reader dies and it's just the aftermath of our death and Azul realizes how much of a dick he was and just feels p a i n

Tyyy :)

Honestly I could work with that

BUT

Imagine in the second timeline reader butts in this time and refuses to get married to him and causes a scene before storming out of the Ashengrotto house.

Reader makes sure that she won’t suffer the same fate that she did in the last timeline and does everything in her power to not let the marriage happen.

Reader won’t settle for less in this timeline and since she’s still mad at what Azul did to her in the past timeline she gets all rude and petty when the two of them have to interact.

BONUS

Reader ends up with a entirely different person in this timeline who actually LOVES and CARES about her and her wellbeing🤍

(Jealous Azul?👀)

[intopsh]

UNFORGETTABLE - l. hs

no matter how much you wanted to forget Heeseung, he would always make his way back into your life

pairing ; heeseung x fem!reader genre ; exes to ???, slight angst, college au warnings ; jealousy, kissing, swearing

mae’s note ; reblogs and criticism are appreciated! 🤍

“Having fun?” you heard a masculine voice say behind you. You quickly turned around to meet the man who was standing in front of you.

You recognized immediately that familiar face, it was Sim Jaeyun. You never actually talked in college since your majors were the opposite of one another, but you casually met him at frat parties like the one you were at right now.

“Pretty boring in here, y’know” you replied, a genuine smile appearing on your face. You heard the boy snicker at your answer, not knowing what was so funny in what you said.

“They’re going to play beer pong in a bit, want to be my partner?” he changed the subject of your conversation, asking you to be his partner for the game.

You nodded your head while still giving him a smile, looking around the room, searching for the table where you will play. “Would love that” you replied, earning a smile from the boy.

He grabbed your wrist and led you to the table, slightly bumping into all the people who were at the party. Your eyes were lingering around, trying to find Aeri, your best friend. You wondered if she was already getting laid on.

While you were looking around, your eyes locked in with a person. It was Lee Heeseung.

Your heart skipped a beat, making your body feel a chill sensation. The look on his eyes was telling you that he was annoyed at the sudden skinship with Jaeyun.

You slowly let go of Jaeyun’s hand, approaching the shell of his ear since the music was too loud to understand each other from a distance.

“Wait for me, I forgot something outside” you told him, nearly yelling from all the noise in the room. You watched the boy nod and give you a pat on your shoulder before making your way outside, needing to take a breath.

As soon as you walked out, you were met by a cold breeze that made you shiver slightly, rubbing yourself with the palms of your hands to create warmth.

“Going for your ex’s friends now?” your body froze. You recognized that voice straight away. You felt his frame approaching you, leaving you lost in thoughts.

“As far as I know, we broke up a long time ago, Heeseung.” you replied, trying to hide the weakness that was persisting in your head.

You and Heeseung didn’t break up in good terms. A heated argument of yours led to you two splitting up. You knew for a fact that you missed each other, but both of you had too much pride to admit it.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I asked Saerom for her number?” his voice had a teasing tone in it. Your jaw clenched at the mention of her name. She was mainly the reason of your break up, and hearing your name made you feel challenged and annoyed.

“Go fuck yourself, Lee” your response was bitter enough to make Heeseung understand your annoyance at the mention of the girl’s name. You heard a laugh from the guy, making you turn your head and glare at his face.

He then abruptly made his way to you, nearly closing the gap between the two of you, smirking at the redness that spread across your face. After taking a close look at your face, he planted his lips on yours, making his hands travel freely through your body, only to place them on your waist.

You tilted your head too quickly for your liking to deepen the kiss, heat filling your body. You cupped his face as he continued kissing you, not wanting to leave your lips.

The kiss was interrupted when he moved to your cheeks, making you whine silently as you didn’t want for it to end.

He made his way to your jawline and then to your neck, kissing your sensitive spot, making you wonder if he remembered.

After tracing kisses through your neck, you heard him say something.

“You will never forget about me, Y/n.”

[builtbybrokenbells]

Melodic Memories | Track 1: Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones

In a tattered old box shoved deep down in the corner of an overfilled closet, a lifetimes worth of memories lie dormant at the bottom waiting to be rediscovered.

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 15k

Warnings: angst, crying, heartbreak, high school breakups, divorce, estranged parent/strained parental relationship, depression, high school drama, anxiety, mentions of drinking, mentions of hookups/one night stands, unrequited love, PTSD mentions/explanations of reactions and behaviours due to PTSD, mentions of addiction/drugs, smoking, swearing, best friend fluff, sorry if i miss any!

Here we go!! I’m so excited to share this. this story is very near and dear to my heart as all of these songs are very special to me in one way or another. I will warn this is a bit of a slowburn, and there’s a lot of flashbacks/memories in the chapters to showcase the extent of the relationship between the characters. As always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🤍 I can’t wait to hear what you guys think

I usually have a listen while reading section, and it’s mostly a suggestion, but it’s imperative that you listen to the song stated in the title at least before reading, as every chapter is directly related to each one. If that’s not your thing, at least give the lyrics a quick read over! Much love 🫶🏻

SIX YEARS LATER

“Holy fuck, you have a lot of stuff.” Your best friend let out a dramatic huff as she dropped an overflowing box to the ground. You looked back at her over your shoulder, letting out a small chuckle as she pushed her long hair away from her forehead. She was tired, that much was obvious, and so were you. Still, despite your aching bodies and worn down minds, the two of you persevered with faith that the end goal would be worth all of the suffering.

“So do you.” You reminded her, folding a t-shirt and setting it neatly atop a pile of clothes you had been focused on. “Don’t hear me complaining about it.”

“Yeah, as if.” She scoffed. You could hear the roll of her eyes in her tone, striking a small smile on your face as she took a step towards you. “All you do is complain.”

“Yeah, ‘cause it pisses you off.” You grinned, grabbing an old pair of jeans from the mound of clothes you pulled from your closet. You looked over the tired material, your lips turning down into a frown as you tossed them into a pile on the ground, knowing there was no sense in keeping them when they looked one wear away from disintegrating.

“I’m kidding, you know that.” She assured you, making it clear that she wasn’t truly as upset as her words seemed. She began moving another box from your bed to the hallway, huffing as she bargained with the weight of the item. She was stacking them outside your door to allow for some more space inside the already tiny room.

Despite the smallness and the outdated decor, it felt nice to be back, sleeping on the same comfortable mattress you’d grown so used to when you lived at home. In truth, the lack of space was mostly credited to your oversized bed; you had begged your mom for a king size, asking for it for every Christmas and birthday from the ages of ten to sixteen until she finally cracked and made the purchase. Turns out, it was a great purchase, because six years and a graduate degree later, you and your best friend were sharing it while you prepared to move into your own apartment a few towns over.

You had traveled to Mel’s hometown almost a month prior, tearing apart her childhood bedroom just the same as you were doing to your own. You packed boxes full of her belongings, spending some quality time with her parents while learning and laughing about the funniest of all her childhood stories. Just like her, her parents were fun, free spirited and more accepting than even you could comprehend. They took you in with open arms, extending their gratitude for loving their daughter so dearly while she was so far away from home.

In truth, the pleasure was all yours, because in your six years at university, you felt as though Mel was the reason that you not only survived, but flourished. The two of you clicked instantly when you met, finding each other during your first week of freshman year in an intro to classic literature class. You bonded over your mutual dislike for your monotone professor who had to make an effort to be so disinterested in her own syllabus, and from there, the rest was history.

“You know, I actually liked Jane Eyre before I took this class.” You muttered under your breath, casting a sideways glance at the girl sitting next to you.

Her dirty blonde hair hung over her face, her eyes focused on a piece of empty paper in an unused notebook as she clutched a black pen in her hand. Every time the professor would switch slides on her PowerPoint, she would jump to write something down, but stop once she realized that once again, the gray haired woman was spewing nothing of significance.

Her skin was sunkissed, like she had spent all summer on the beach (or in a tanning bed—who were you to judge?), and her clothes were cute, but comfortable. Her brown eyes flickered to meet yours, her head turning ever so slightly to give you a glimpse of her face through her thick locks of wavy hair. The warmth within them was familiar, like you had seen them before in someone else you loved so dearly. You swallowed hard, forcing the thought out of your head. You were nervous, yet still excited at the thought of making a new friend, wondering if your words held any value to her, or if she would tell you to shut up.

Since moving to town, you hadn’t found one person you clicked with. You met lots of rich boys who threw their money in your face in hopes of convincing you to sleep with them, and plenty of girls who turned their nose up at your jeans with holes in the knees. They all looked like they stepped out of a magazine, and you felt completely out of place as you tried to break free from your small town habits. You dressed the same as you did in senior year, barely understanding how to be a university student and definitely lacking in the fashion department. You wore makeup to parties, but never anywhere else, mostly because in the years prior, you never felt the need to impress anyone.

Your long term relationship in high school left you more than secure with yourself, happy if you were comfortable and confident without any external aids. Now that he wasn’t by your side, you realized just how dearly he loved you, because without a pristine outward appearance, all of the university-goers seemed to turn their heads as you walked by. You had yet to find anyone to make friends with, and definitely no romantic interests as you tried to mend the hole in your heart that formed when you left your boyfriend behind to start anew. You were lonely, and more importantly, desperate to find someone to talk to.

“UPenn, Ivy League with a 7% acceptance rate and an English program better than any of their competitors, if you survive it.” She cracked a small smile, keeping her voice hushed as she joined in on the joke. “Only place in the world you can pay 20k a year for someone to put you to sleep.” You bit down on your lip, forcing yourself to swallow back the laugh stuck in your throat. You had sat beside the unnamed girl for your first three classes of the semester, but never found the courage to speak to her until that moment. She was the first person you had met that radiated a bit of life, something unique and alluring in her eyes that you couldn’t quite place. More than that, when you looked at her, you felt an overwhelming sense of familiarity. You were incredibly appreciative that she reciprocated any of your efforts at all.

“I think she put herself to sleep on Wednesday.” You confessed, recalling her slumped posture as she sat at her desk, waiting too long to engage in the group discussion after assigning an individual comprehension activity.

“Think she’s on her way there now, actually.” The girl nodded towards the front, suppressing a grin as she noticed the professor's drooping eyelids and extended bout of silence. The two of you shared a silent giggle, shaking shoulders and hurting bellies as you used all of your energy to silence yourselves in fear of getting caught. “I’m Mel, by the way.” She said, introducing herself after she calmed herself down.

“Y/N.” You replied, feeling better than you had in days. It felt nice to laugh, especially with someone who seemed to adorn the same sense of humour as your own. “Mel… is that short for Melanie? Or are you just ‘Mel’, cause that would be cool. Mysterious, even.”

“Neither, actually.” She chuckled, shifting in her seat so she was facing you a little better. “It’s short for ‘Mélange’, which is the stupidest fucking name I’ve ever heard.” She gave you a moment to digest the fact before explaining further, noticing your curious eyes as you held back another laugh. “My parents had me young, during their hippy-dippy era when they smoked too much weed and dressed like they were headed to Woodstock. Apparently it means ‘a mixture of dissimilar elements’, because I was made from different parts of them, or whatever. To me, it sounds like a really weird way of saying they had sex, and I really don’t think it meant that much to them back then. Probably just wanted to be the first to name their kid something, then realized how ridiculous it sounded so they had to come up with a story about it.”

“That’s… cool, though.” You stifled another laugh, finding her expression comedic as she rehashed the same story she used to explain her name every time someone asked.

“Yeah, cool unless it’s your own. Try growing up with that name and trying to survive the American public school system.” She shuddered at the thought, but a smile still lingered on her lips, telling you that she truly didn’t care that much anymore. “What about you? Your name short for anything, or are you just cool like that?”

From there, the title of best friends went without question. You did everything together, ranging from schoolwork to trips to the grocery store, hating the thought of being apart even while doing the most mundane tasks. You had made a pact to live together after graduation, unable to digest the idea of being apart when your university days ended, and you took the promise seriously. Since then, you did everything you could to ensure it happened, including travelling to her home state to pack up her shit so long as she promised to help you with yours. You both decided to go in the direction of teaching with your degrees, so you thought that if you lived together, you even had a shot of getting hired at the same school. Though, she seemed more keen on teaching younger students, and you leaned more towards high school.

There was lots still up in the air, especially without a solid job offer in line, but the two of you were determined to make it work, knowing that if you had each other, you could get through anything. Your mom was enough of a saint to house the two of you while you figured your shit out, and that’s what you were doing; packing, reminiscing, applying, and enjoying your life before things got too hectic again.

Despite it being manual labour, you quite enjoyed the experience of packing up your belongings, even though it did feel a bit melancholic at times. With every item you picked up, you were reminded of memories you’d shoved so far down that they were nearly forgotten. Although not all of them were the best, they were still important, and they showed you how far you had come when sometimes it felt like you made no progress at all. Mel was having a fantastic time for a whole different reason, finding your dramatic retelling of stories greatly comedic, and getting her first pick at the clothes you were planning on donating.

Being back at home with your family was different than it was all those years ago. Your mom, who had finally come to terms with the fact you were an adult, drank wine with you both in the evening as she got to know your best friend beyond what the surplus of FaceTime calls allowed over the years. You went on errands with her when you wanted to get away from packing, and enjoyed the things you once took for granted. Some nights, when she found herself a little too tipsy and reminiscent on the years that passed so quickly, she sat before you, weepy-eyed as she professed how proud she was of you. You felt like you were learning a whole new side of her, rather than the strict but loving one you knew all of that time ago. She was a woman who hurt and cried just as much as you did, who always put her kids first and held herself together when she was falling apart, just for the sake of being the rock in the house. You found yourself growing a whole new respect and a whole different kind of love for her, and you were grateful for the opportunity to see it.

Your younger sister, who was also staying at home for the summer, found herself hanging out in your room more often than not. There was much less arguments over who was spending more time in the bathroom, and no more mean words shared between the two of you that once flew so fast. In the early hours of the night, you finally had the chance to have the heart-to-hearts you missed out on when you were angry at each other over nothing important. She had grown up just as much as you had, and it almost pained you to see a woman standing in the shoes of the little girl you best knew her as.

Being in your hometown was different, and you had spent little time there since your studies began. Mostly for a few days during the holidays, and rarely any other time. When Mel pitched the idea of moving out of dorms and into an apartment, the visits grew much less frequent and when they did happen, it wasn’t usually for very long. You didn’t have many friends left in Frankenmuth, if any at all. The town was strange, a former village in which you had built a life that was now completely abandoned. Shops you used to love closed down for good and replaced with something new, old hideaways being changed into modern corporate hellscapes. Every year, there seemed to be new buildings lining the streets and different faces regularly appearing on sidewalks. It was home, for sure, but nowhere near as comfortable as it used to be. When you blundered around the town, you felt like a stranger visiting for the first time, learning everything all over again.

“Hey,” Mel caught your attention, pulling a cork board from your closet that had pictures tacked to the surface and small paper decorations in between. “Ms. Fishers sixth grade graduation!” She exclaimed, pointing to the banner of cardstock paper tacked to the top, the letters outlined with black sharpie and filled in with coloured marker. You laughed at the sight, realizing you hadn’t seen that board in years as you stepped towards her.

“That’s me!” You exclaimed, pointing to you standing in the mini-graduation gown at the very end of the front row. The class picture was sweet, but it made you wonder where everyone else in the class ended up. After all these years, were they nearing twenty five with no clue where they were headed, just like you? Or were they settled down with families, finding full time jobs and building lives with the people they loved?

The thought was saddening to you, making you realize how far away you were from getting to that point. A relationship was laughable, barely mentioning marriage and kids. In your six years of university, you had your fair share of hookups and flings, but never anything serious. You couldn’t seem to find anyone who you connected with further than physical attraction, and certainly nobody you would be willing to spend your life with. So far, the only compatible relationship for living was the girl standing next to you, and you were certain at some point, she would be ready to move on to something different.

“Look at this,” you stepped past her, grinning as you grabbed a cowboy hat from one of the handmade shelves at the top of your closet. Your dad, when he was still a good dad, made it for you so you could have some extra space. You placed the hat on your head, tilting it downwards over your face as you struck a pose. The dollar store gemstones you hot glued to the top glimmered under the light, making the sight even more ridiculous.

“What is that?” She asked, caught in a fit of laughter as she looked at the poorly decorated hat.

“I got really into spirit days at school.” You shrugged, tossing the hat in the pile of throwaway items.

“Loser.” She muttered, reaching for an old sports jacket suspended on a hanger. “Volleyball?” She questioned, raising an eyebrow as she read the words embroidered on the back.

“Yeah, tenth grade and never again. Coach was a bitch.” You explained, reaching for it to see if it still fit. As you made a move to slip it over your shoulders, you froze in place, knowing that even if it did fit, you would never wear it again. Instead, you threw it in the pile of clothes you were planning to drop off at the thrift store.

“Oh, cool!” You exclaimed, a shiny trophy catching your eye, hidden in the back corner of the top shelf. You brought it down, flashing it in her direction so she could read the gold panel.

“1st place…. Frankenmuth Middle School Relay?” She asked, unsure of what the award was for.

“Big race we used to do at the end of the year. Think the teachers got sick of lesson planning, so they brought us to the soccer field to do a bunch of activities. I was the fastest in the class that year.” You said, proud of the achievement as you placed it back upon the shelf.

“Is this a diary?” She asked, hauling an old leather bound book from a stack of papers and magazines.

“Yes,” you cackled, snatching it from her hands and flipping it open to a random page. “Let’s see… April 30th, 2010.” You cleared your throat for dramatic effects, beginning to read the entry aloud. “Today, in English class, Liam S. was totally checking me out. He’s definitely not the cutest guy in the class, but he’s funny, and he’s so nice. I hope he asks me to the spring dance, mom got me a new dress and everything!”

“And did Liam S. sweep you off your feet that night?” She asked, pulling her hands to her heart as she let out an airy sigh.

“No, but we did date.” You explained. “For three weeks, until I broke up with him for rating me too low on a hot or not list.”

“What!?” She exploded, her voice shrill as an echoing laugh boomed through the room.

“Yeah, apparently I only had the fourth best ass in the class.” You scoffed, quickly reading a little further into the book. You used to sit in your bedroom for hours at night, pouring your heart out on to the paper just for it to be forgotten in a mess of items in your room. “It’s funny, you know. I used to carry this thing with me everywhere, and I barely even remembered it existed.”

“Yeah, there was lots of stuff that I did the same thing with. Used to be a prized possession, now they just collect dust on a shelf somewhere.” She muttered, pulling out a large box sitting in the back corner. “And for the record, I bet you had the best ass out of anyone at that school.” She clarified, plopping the cardboard down on your mattress.

“No, I definitely didn’t.” You laughed, looking to the door as you heart a small pitter-patter of paws against the linoleum floor. The jingle of the bell around the collar signified your suspicions were correct, and when a fuzzy head peeked around the corner, you greeted him with excitement. “The man himself, Blizzard of Ozz: Prince of Fucking Darkness!” You exclaimed, watching as the tubby black cat raised his tail and rubbed himself up against the doorframe. He let out a meow in response to your voice, happily trotting over to greet you.

“Don’t call him by his full name unless he does something wrong!” Mel scolded, reaching down to pick him up as he rubbed against her leg. “He won’t take us seriously if we use it all the time.” She plopped him down on the bed, the sound of his purring loud enough to reach both of your ears. He sniffed around the boxes a few times, nudging his face against the corner of the cardboard flaps to investigate the item taking up his place on the mattress.

“I don’t think he ever really takes us seriously, Mel.” You furrowed your brows together, looking from her to the small animal curiously meandering around the bed. “He gets treats and new toys every day, and we kiss him on the head after we scold him because we feel too bad about it.”

“Right, so don’t give away the last bit of power we have left.” She said, fixing the tag on his collar that somehow adorned his entire name in small print.

The cat was spoiled, loved so wholly and deeply by the two of you that sometimes you believed he was in charge. After a particularly rough exam week in your second last year of school, the two of you took a break from studying and took a walk downtown to clear your mind. You stopped at a coffee shop a few blocks away from your apartment building, where you found him, keeping content by playing with empty coffee cups in the nearby alleyway. Being two kindhearted people, you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him behind. Within two weeks, he had made himself at home in your apartment, and not long after that, in your hearts, too. He went with you on every adventure; his harness being on more often than not. He tagged along in every road trip, and neither of you ever thought once about leaving him behind as you moved across the country again.

He was a witty and clever little thing, always sneaking into places he shouldn’t be and never allowing himself to go unnoticed. The minute you stepped in a room, he was squeaking at you to pet him, and never did he allow either of you to sit alone on the couch. He took turns sleeping with the both of you, and was happier than ever now that you shared a bed and he didn’t have to pick.

And yes, his full name was The Man Himself, Blizzard of Ozz: Prince of Fucking Darkness.

Oftentimes, Ozz sufficed.

The cat actually went unnamed for quite some time after you brought him home. Neither of you seemed keen on the names being suggested, so for a while, he went by ‘Mr. Man.’ Or some odd arangement of classic terms of endearment that got stranger by the day. Then, when the two of you found yourselves a little too high off some weed you bought from an upperclassman, the name made its first appearance. You both took turns rambling ridiculous titles for him, until you took a leap of faith and rattled off the first thing you thought of when Crazy Train played from your Bluetooth speaker. The laughing was so intense it brought the both of you to tears, and from there, it seemed to stick.

Now, you couldn’t think of a better name to call him, even if it was a little ridiculous.

Careful not to disturb him, Mel reached forward into the box, lifting a few items from it. Ozz busied himself by chewing on the cardboard flap, not privy to the woman beside him at all. “What’s all this stuff?” She asked, looking over a few sheets of Monopoly money, a cracked mirror from the dollar store, and a deck of playing cards.

“That must be the stuff I cleared out of my locker in senior year.” You said, turning your head downwards and peeking inside. “Yeah, it definitely is.” You confirmed, pulling out a set of string lights with a battery pack attached. “It’s all junk, you can throw it out.” You dismissed it, ready to move on to something new.

“Are you sure?” She asked, looking between you and the box with great hesitancy. You casted another sideways glance, your lips pursing together as you wondered if it was worth your time.

Something in your heart told you not to jump so fast, to think about it a moment longer before discarding the memories away so easily. You tried not to be a sentimental person, because you found that sentiments only seemed to hurt you rather than bring you comfort. You used to be that type of person, so many moons ago when life was simple and the most you had to worry about was a surplus of homework and no pocket change to spend. Now, you thought it was ridiculous, and you did everything you could to draw a line between memories and objects. Items could not hurt, just the same as they could not be happy. They were objects, inanimate and unable to mean more than what you made them to be.

But there was something about that fucking box, like it was fate for you to rediscover all the things that awaited you inside.

“Let’s go through it.” You said, changing your mind as your skin prickled with curiosity. The emotion that took hold was unfamiliar, confusing and unsettling when you thought about throwing it away. It washed over you so quickly that you couldn’t even think of anything else, and you wondered if you were the very thing psyching yourself up for nothing, or if there was a reason you felt such a pull to the old items inside.

You sat on the side of your bed, your hands landing on the very corners as you gripped at the soft sheets lining the mattress. As you did so, a twang of hurt filled your chest, passing almost as soon as it came. You blinked hard, your eyes wandering the room as you tried to comprehend the sudden change in yourself. Your eyebrows furrowed together, your mind racing as you looked at the old chestnut dresser that stood next to the door, standing prominently against the crimson paint on the walls. The scene was so familiar, just like the melancholic emotion that came along with it. The hurt in your heart seemed right as you sat on the edge of your bed, but you didn’t know why.

“Are you okay?” Mel asked, also noticing the shift in your demeanor. Your head snapped towards her, your eyes glossy with the feeling that plagued you, but you nodded your head and tried your hardest to snap yourself out of it.

“Yeah, just a nasty little bit of deja-vu, I think.” You breathed, your eyes wandering back to the empty door frame. Whatever your brain wanted you to remember was pertinent to you, but you couldn’t seem to put it together yet. You felt like you’d been in the exact position before, but you couldn’t place it.

“I get it,” she empathized, taking a seat next to you and placing the box on the floor in front of her. “It’s a lot seeing all of your old stuff, like a lifetime you’ve completely forgotten about.”

“Yeah,” you laughed, the sound airy and forced. “I haven’t thought about high school in so long that it kind of just seems like a different world, now. I kind of forced myself to stop thinking about it, because it hurt too bad, you know? And I guess after a while, I blocked it out completely.” She knew what you meant, because in the entire time you’d known her, you had been unreasonably stingy with stories from your high school days. Every time she mentioned it, you seemed to go to a different place entirely, like you were using all of your energy to ensure the memories wouldn’t resurface. She respected you enough not to ask, but it was impossible to run away from now that you were standing face to face with the very things you tried so hard to stay away from.

“We don’t have to go through this, if you don’t want to.” She assured you, watching your face as your eyes fluttered towards the box.

“I do and I don’t.” You tried your best to explain how you felt, hesitant to reach out and explore the items before you, but gutted at the prospect of throwing it in the trash. “I feel like I’ve grown so much and I’m so different, and I don’t need to see any of this stuff again, but there’s something telling me I have to look through it all, that if I don’t, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.” She bargained with your words before she responded, carefully considering all you had to say.

“Seems like you’re looking for something, but you don’t know what it is.” She offered the idea with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Yeah, maybe.” You muttered, finally harnessing enough courage to reach forward and sort through the mess of items.

Underneath a pile of loose papers, you found your old graduation cap. You held it in your hands, your fingers drifting over the silky, light blue fabric. You let your hand drift downward, running through the red threads of the tassel that dangled from the top. You placed it to the side, finding little comfort in the item at all. Below that lay a tattered AP Biology textbook, the front cover frayed and littered with marks from the students who used it before (and remembered to return it). There was an old pencil case stuffed to the brim with writing utensils and erasers. When you pulled it open, you found a folded up note from a fellow friend that was much too faded to read.

The more you pulled out, the stronger the tugging in your heart felt. Photographs of you and your old friends, bent and torn, floated loosely around the box. You took the time to study every one of them, saddened at how estranged you’d become from them. You didn’t talk to anyone from your hometown, and although you thought cutting contact was for the best, it only seemed to hurt as you recalled the sleepovers and adventures you engaged in with people who didn’t know you any longer. It all hurt.

Why did it hurt so fucking bad?

Sitting on the edge of the bed, boxes packed and the lingering scent of your mother’s favourite lavender candle hanging thick in the air. The chestnut boards of the dresser that once stored your entire wardrobe, the tile underneath your feet, impossibly cold despite the summer heat radiating through the panel windows by your bedside. Reruns of Dr. Phil on the television downstairs, the hum of a song stuck in your head despite no tune playing at all.

You’ve been here, in this exact position, hurting over something with the same fervor as you felt in the moment. It was so far away. Why couldn’t you remember?

For once, six years after leaving the town, you were aching to remember the memories and the love that was contained within the walls of the home, but you couldn’t. You pushed it so far away that the life you once led in Michigan no longer felt like your own. It was hazy, fuzzy around the corners every time you tried to recollect a scene. The voices were warbled, echoing somewhere deep behind your eyes and not quite loud enough to reach your ears.

Why did you try so hard to forget? Why did you force it away so desperately?

Then, the world stopped.

No person beside you, no curious cat nudging your hand. Dr. Phil had gone silent, and the air wasn’t even filled with the sweet notes of vanilla laced in unison with lavender. The creaks and groans of the old house ceased to exist, and the mattress below you disintegrated to nothing. You were stuck, frozen in time, floating amidst a cloud of smoke that wouldn’t clear. Your lungs burned for air, your heart threatening to explode under the weight of emotion. Your mind was repeating the same thing over and over again, incessantly reminding you, forcing you to remember everything you had hidden away in hopes of closure.

Instead of your voice, it was his, saying the same words that were written in silver sharpie on the lid of the tiny, black shoebox.

So let’s make it last.

“Oh, god.” You wheezed out the words, feeling like you were suffocating from the plethora of pain encasing your body. In an instant, six years spent dedicated to forgetting suddenly dissolved into one, terrifying storm of reminiscing.

The box.

The box.

That’s why you couldn’t throw it away.

“What is wrong, Y/N?” Mel asked, urgent as if she’d already asked a hundred times.

Little to your knowledge, she had, but you were too busy listening to the sweet sound of Jake Kiszka’s voice, stored so pristinely in the deepest depths of your mind.

“The shoebox.” You squeaked, raising a shaky finger to point her attention towards the poorly painted over Vans logo.

“So, what? What is it?”

What is it? It was everything.

It was a box full of love, sealed so long ago and hidden away for safekeeping when you couldn’t part from the physical reminders of the boy who forever had your heart. It was years worth of memories, years worth of emotion you hadn’t let yourself feel since you locked it away.

“That should be everything, my love.” Your mom crooned, placing the last movie ticket stub inside the box and sending a sorrowful look your way. Your tear stained cheeks were too much for her to bear, but she loved you enough to stand witness to the biggest heartbreak of your life. She loved you enough to put her own hurt aside, just to ease yours, to alleviate you from being the one to close the book on the chapter that hurt you the most. “What do you want to do with it, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know.” You drew in a shaky breath, holding in a wail that was begging to escape you.

It had been 110 days since you had broken up with Jake, since you left him with sad eyes and a heart that bled only for you standing in your driveway, the ghost of his last ‘I love you’ still on his lips. It had been 110 days of the most gut wrenching, exhausting, and excruciating pain you had ever felt.

The snow stuck to the ground, the frost nipping at your nose when you stepped outside, and the Christmas tree standing tall in your living room told you that the season had passed and the world was still turning, but you felt stuck in that sticky summer day in August, tears on your cheeks and love on the tip of your tongue as you spent your last night with him. It was the first time you’d been home since then, the first time stepping foot in your bedroom after creating your most haunting memory within it.

You knew you needed to get over him, but you did not know how.

How do you move on from someone who loved you so completely and wholly? How do you stop lamenting about better days that have since passed and will never return? How do you keep going, knowing you would never hold his hand again, feel his touch, or appreciate the sweetness of his kiss? How could you move on when you did not hate him? When his memory still existed in your mind and he was still that perfect person?

The memory of him lived within the walls of your house still, his shampoo still lingering on your pillowcase and his love still in the air. The reminders of your relationship existed in every corner of your bedroom, on the walls, in picture frames, and in the threads of your sheets and blankets. Even now, with the pictures and love notes and dried flowers contained in a single box, you had no idea how to get him out of your head.

“Wait,” you sniffled, watching your mom begin to close the top of the box. You couldn’t stand to do it yourself. You tumbled down the stairs, a mess of tears on your face and a pain in your heart growing larger by the second, begging her to help you gut the last remaining proof of your relationship from the walls. “There’s one more thing.” You confessed, reaching down into your book bag. 

For 110 days, you kept it so close, carrying it with you wherever you went and playing it through the disc drive in your laptop every night to fall asleep. Now, you knew that you would never be able to move on, especially not if you continued to hold on to the memory so tightly.

With an unsteady hand and a heaving chest, you handed her the plastic CD case. Her eyes traveled over the faded writing on the disk itself, and her heart ached for you. Slowly, she placed it underneath the rest of the items, hiding it from sight to make it easier on you.

“I’m gonna keep this, and I’ll put it somewhere safe, lovebug.” She said, finally closing the top to the shoebox and sealing the memories inside forevermore. “Why don’t you go take a nice bath? I’ve got a bottle of wine downstairs with your name on it, but only this time.” She offered, reaching out and tucking your hair behind your ear. “Tomorrow, we’ll go out and do something, all three of us. That sound good?”

Of course she understood; five years ago, she sat in her bedroom, hurting just the same over a man who left her without a second thought. Who left all of you without a second thought. The only true healer was time, and right now, time was not your friend. You could lean on her, ask her for help, hold her hand, because she knew how you felt, and she’d felt that way many times before you even knew what it meant.

“That sounds good.” You breathed, closing your eyes and squeezing out the last of the tears brimming the lids.

“I’ll change your sheets for you, too.” She said, standing with the box clutched tightly in her hand. “It hurts right now, my love, but it won’t feel this way forever. I promise.”

It won’t feel this way forever.

Oh how wrong she was, even if the truth didn’t come in the way she meant it.

It did hurt forever, but it was not constant.

Four years it’s been since his name crossed your mind, four years of sleeping soundly and four years free of regret that plagued you so viciously. You were so tired of hurting that you forced yourself to forget; you erased every memory of him from your brain with the help of alcohol and meaningless hookups. You went home with a new guy every night, promising yourself that with new hands on you, you would forget the feeling of his. You buried yourself in school, studying so intently and for so long that your eyes crossed and you had a constant migraine. You deleted him and his family off every social platform, because despite going no contact that first ever week at university, you still stayed up at night, torturing yourself as you scrolled through Instagram and Facebook. You deleted every picture you ever took of him, knowing that if the temptation was there, you would submit to it. Worst of all, you vowed to never speak his name again, just so you could forget how good it felt rolling off your tongue.

You purged him from your life entirely, and it worked so well that he hadn’t been a passing thought in your mind in years. It was not because you hated him, not because you wanted to forget him. You did it out of necessity, knowing that every time you reminisced on the beautiful memories you made with him, it took a little more of your soul. For nearly two years, Jake Kiszka plagued every thought you ever had. You abstained from relationships and romance as a whole, because you knew nobody would ever be able to replace him. You needed to forget him, or else it would have killed you. You loved Jake so utterly and completely, even two years after you broke up, even after never speaking his name again, that it forced you to drown his memory. Every time you thought of him, you forced yourself to think of something else. Every time his face was pictured, perfect in your mind, you made yourself look at something else.

After so long, it became a habit, and now, it was a way of life.

But, even so, as you stared down at the silver writing, you knew deep in your heart that no matter how much forgetting you did, you never stopped loving.

“—earth to Y/N!” A hand waved in front of your face, breaking your staring contest with the Vans box decorated in silver sharpie. You could remember writing it, the sobs that shook your shoulders and the aching of your heart. The shakiness of the letters retold the story as clear as day.

After six years, you were still hopelessly in love with Jake, and one fear you always had remained true; nobody in the entire world could compare to him, and nobody else ever loved you in the same way he did.

Not that you let them, and not that they tried.

So let’s make it last.

How, after so long of refusing to think of the man, did he still have such a drastic effect on you? How were you still so caught up on someone you fell for when you were fifteen?

Out of all the questions, that one seemed the easiest to answer; you were still pining for him, because every version of you after fifteen loved him more than the last.

“Christ, you’re scaring me.” Mel tried again, her hand landing on your shoulder in a desperate attempt to pull your attention back to her. Your head finally snapped in her direction, your lungs searing from the lack of oxygen as you drew in a long overdue breath. “Are you okay?” She was panicked, her eyes wide and her expression coated with her fear. Never once had she seen you in such a state, and she was clueless as to why you were taken from her so quickly.

“I…” you trailed off, shaking your head in an attempt to clear your mind. It felt like a million memories were washing over you at once, stuck in an endless stream of thoughts that you forced yourself to ignore for so long. “That box.” You finally huffed out, your eyes shining with the same heartbreak you felt all of those years ago. Time did not change the intensity in which you hurt over losing him, even if you convinced yourself that it did.

“What about that box?” She asked, trying to pry it out of you. It was a rough subject, not only because it was hurting you so badly, but because aside from your mother, you had never spoken a word about Jake to anyone.

She was your best friend, your partner in crime and everything good in the world, but this was a heartache she had not touched, yet. It was one you stored so deep down that not even you touched it anymore, and in order to answer the question, you would have to tell her everything.

“What isn’t in that box?” Your rhetoric was full of refrain, like the words fought a daunting battle to even pass through your mouth. Your heartbeat was so strong that you could feel it surging through your entire body, under your skin and behind your eyes, all the way to the very tips of your toes. Your face was burning, your throat dry and your eyes sad as you finally reached forward. Your fingers grazed over the surface, collecting a layer of dust as they traced the words. “My whole life is in this box, Mel. The very reason my heart beats.” You whispered, picking it up and placing it in your lap.

“I don’t like it when you get poetic.” She let out a nervous laugh, looking between your face and the item in your hands as she awaited further explanation.

“I don’t know if I can explain it without showing you.” You admitted, your finger gently running over the lip of the cardboard where the cover sat flush with the rest.

“If it’s so important, how did you forget about it? And more importantly, why have I never heard of it?” She asked, trying to make sense of it all. You couldn’t blame her for being so confused—in all of the time you’ve known her, this was the only thing you had ever kept from her.

“You know when something hurts so much that it feels impossible to survive? Like if you don’t stop thinking about it, it will be the only thing you ever think about?” You began, your eyes fluttering closed as a sad smile crossed your lips.

“Yeah, I guess.” She replied, her tone softening as she realized the seriousness of the situation.

“This is one of those things. It was the most beautiful part of my whole life, but now that it’s gone, it’s horrible to remember. It took me two years to get over it, and even then, I never really did. I just got better at bottling it up and ignoring it, and eventually, it became a habit. This hurt so bad that I had to forget about it, because if I didn’t, I would have spent the rest of my life stuck in it, rather than making something new for myself.”

“Ooookayy.” She drew the word out for dramatic effect, her humorous tone usually uplifting you in times of crisis, but not even this time could it begin to ease the feeling of hurt in your heart.

With a breath of courage you did not have, you flipped open the lid. You did not look inside straight away, instead finding yourself staring at the empty section of wall between your door and your dresser, remembering the sight that was there so long ago. Jake, teary-eyed with flowers from his backyard and a CD he’d worked so hard to make, clad in a sweater that he wore only because you bought it for him. You wondered what he looked like now, if he’d recognize you if he stood before you again. You smiled gently to yourself as you recollected the softness of his features, the warmth in his dark eyes, feeling a sense of comfort wash over you that you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Where was he, now? Was he halfway across the world, living his dream and playing guitar on stage every night? He used to talk about it so often that you thought it would be a shame if he let that passion go to waste. Was Josh alongside him, still annoying him beyond belief and loving him in a way only a twin brother could? Was his hair long, flowing past his shoulders and cascading down his back, just like he told you he wanted it to? Was his smile the same, toothy and goofy enough to make you fall in love at the first glance?

There were so many things you wanted to know, gutted that Jake existed in the world somewhere and you were not a witness to the light he added to it. You were in agony knowing that there wasn’t just one, but so many versions of him you never got to know, just the same as he never got to experience the many different versions of you. You hated yourself for never reaching out, for locking up that part of your heart and throwing it away, but you had to. It was necessary for survival, and you didn’t want to lose yourself to a stranger who might not even be the boy you once loved so desperately.

Then again, a small part of you knew that no matter how strange Jake would be to you now, he would still be just as lovable and just as beautiful.

Your heart ached at the thought of him being grown, now, likely wrapped up in someone else’s arms who could love him more than you could at the time. Back then, you thought that letting him go was the best way to show how much you loved him, but six years later, you understood he was the type of person you never should have let slip through your fingers. You wondered if he ever thought of you, or if he went through the same turmoil that caused you to shut out his memory completely. You swallowed down the lump in your throat when you realized he likely didn’t, because Jake was always much too grand to be caught up on someone as mediocre as you.

Forcing yourself out of the maddening thoughts, your eyes trailed down to the items inside the box. Carefully, you picked out a pile of movie tickets, sifting through them and trying not to get stuck in every memory of every theater date the two of you had.

“In high school, I met a boy who turned my whole world upside down.” You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as you passed the tickets to Mel. “He was everything anyone could ever want. He was the type of person that made it impossible not to love him.” You explained, feeling the scratch of tears in your throat as you grabbed a ziplock bag full of dried wildflowers and petals from bouquets. “He was a real romantic, always buying flowers and writing love notes. He walked with me to school before he got his license, and drove me as soon as he did. He was my best friend, and unfortunately, probably the best love of my entire life.”

“What was his name, love?” Mel asked, taking the bag of flowers from your hand so you could continue the walk down memory lane.

“Jacob,” the name felt like gold on your tongue, the taste sweet and the warmth otherworldly. “I called him Jake.” You pulled out a torn journal page, folded neatly and begging to be read. Carefully, you opened it up, letting your eyes drift over the familiar scrawl of his messy handwriting. “We dated for three years. Liam S. had nothing on him, and I met Jake not long after the hot or not debacle.” You laughed quietly, your eyes crinkling in the corners as you realized how happy you were that Liam turned out to be an asshole. Because of his childish behavior, the best years of your life happened. “I’ve never been so thankful to have my heart broken by someone, because if I stayed with Liam, I never would have met Jake. I was skipping class one day because I couldn’t stand the thought of being near Liam after that god awful list, and I ran into Jake, skipping because he couldn’t stand the thought of being in History class. Was fate, I guess. We were inseparable after that.”

You took a moment, swallowing back the pain and blinking away tears as you pulled note after note from the box, each one more painful than the last. There were doodles, stick figures of the two of you holding hands, and hearts dancing around your heads. Jake always had a special way of expressing his love, and he did it in every way he could. It was always lighthearted, never too serious but always fully expressing the tellings of his heart. He wrote you love notes because he wasn’t good at saying it aloud, and he drew terrible pictures when words failed him. At the end of the day, he was a teenage boy, but he was so much better than the rest of them.

“We did everything together. So many days spent at the lake, and so many nights spent talking in this bed. We used to sneak out on the roof and look at the stars every night, because there’s a ledge on the attic window that makes it easy to get up there. He listened and never made me feel stupid, and he loved me so much that I never had to question it. He used to drive my sister to her basketball practices when mom was at work, and he’d sit with me the whole time, happy to do it. He was quiet, but everything he said was worth listening to. He was funny, and so kind. The biggest heart I’ve ever seen on anyone.” You felt yourself choke up, the surplus of emotion becoming too much for you to hold back.

“What happened?”

“Life did.” You responded, simple enough as you continued to sort through the box. There were tickets to school sports games, tokens from the local arcade, and all of the guitar picks that fell from his pocket into your bed. There were unopened ring pops, because he’d buy you one at the corner store every time you stopped, forever promising that it would be a real ring someday. Your entire relationship was in the box, staring you in the face with a ferocious grin as you recounted the mistakes you made. “Him and I were always different. He had a dream of being in a band. He hated school and everything that came along with it. He played soccer, he loved to have fun, and he smoked cigarettes. He wouldn’t listen no matter how many times I told him it was bad for him. I loved school, I was good at it, and I wanted to go to the best university I could get into. I didn’t drink all that much, and I stayed in more often than not. For three years, it never phased us, and we loved each other no matter how different we were. It still seemed right.”

“Until it wasn’t?”

“Not even then.” You chuckled, pulling out an old Polaroid picture.

As your eyes landed on the two of you, laying in the long grass in the field at the old park, you felt the knife twist in your stomach. He was smiling, the grin lighting up his whole face as he held you in his arms. You were between his legs, your back against his chest and your arms atop his, wrapped around you. You were in his clothes, your hair falling over your face that was nearly washed out from the flash of the camera. You could remember the feeling like he was behind you now, the rattle of his chest as he laughed and the warmth of his body against yours. The deep amber of his cologne lingered in your nose, and the sweetness of his kiss still remained on your lips.

In that moment, you thanked God that Josh was there to take the picture. Even now, even after all the hurt, the memory was so precious to you and you wished so badly to be there one more time, just for a minute.

“We talked about it for a long time, what would happen when I left for school. I knew I was going far away, and he knew he was going to stay here. Maybe if I went to school closer, the outcome would have been different.” You shrugged, acting nonchalantly about one of the thoughts that often plagued your entire life. “We decided long distance wasn’t right for us. I didn’t want to hold him down, and he didn’t want to hold me back. We loved each other so much that we let each other go, believing it was for the best. I can’t speak for him, but for me, it was far from the best. It was the worst, actually.” You explained, looking at a few other Polaroids in the box. “We broke up the night before I went to school. Or the morning of, I guess.” You corrected yourself, your fingers going in search of the only thing you truly wanted to see.

“And that was it? You never talked to him again.”

“No.” You shook your head. “Never again ‘cept for a few days after I got there.” Your fingertips found the hard plastic case, pulling it out from the very bottom of the box. Origami flowers went flying, the ones you made for him but never had the chance to give him, and a few guitar picks fluttered to the floor. “That night, he gave me this.” You flashed it in her direction. She reached out, taking it from your hands so she could read the words written on the disk. “I remember exactly what he said, and it fucking killed me, Mel.”

“Eight songs, Y/N. I sat there for hours, listening to as much music as I could. I sorted through my dad’s old vinyl records, and all of the CD’s Josh and I could find in the house. I searched for lyrics on the internet, I even asked my mom if she had any ideas.” Jake explained, taking a step closer to you. There was a small plastic case in one of his hands, a bushel of hand picked wildflowers in his other, and a look in his eyes that made your heart ache with all of the pain you had been holding back. “This is it; eight songs that tell you exactly how I feel about you. Four that tell you how much I love you, and four that tell you everything you need to know about how I feel about you leaving.”

You recounted the memory aloud, the quiver of sadness in your tone too loud to ignore. “For three months, I listened to this every night to go to sleep. I carried the CD with me everywhere I went, until I came home for Christmas and mom and I decided it was best that I put all of this stuff away. I was torturing myself, loving someone I couldn’t have. That’s why when I met you, I never wanted to leave your side. I was recovering from this, and I had nobody.”

“So he’s the reason you listened to that Pearl Jam song on repeat all of the time?” She asked, thinking back on the state you constantly found yourself in.

“Yeah,” you laughed, nodding as a tear rolled down your cheek. “Black. That was the song.”

“Right, how could I forget?” She chuckled, humming the tune to herself. “I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s…” she sang to herself, trailing off as she realized why the words spoke so loudly to you.

“Sky.” You finished, unable to leave it hanging. “But why can’t it be mine, right?” You forced a smile on your face, trying to joke, but both of you knew it was not funny to you.

“Why did you never tell me about him?” She asked, looking at you with sadness in her own eyes. She was grieving the love with you, like a true best friend would.

“Lots of reasons, I suppose.” You sniffled back another wave of tears, your voice now infiltrated with the sadness that once only ravished your heart. It was taking over again, like it did so long ago when you vowed to shut it out. “Guess I didn’t want to scare you away, and I didn’t really want to bring that memory to school with me. The dorm and the apartment walls, all of the buildings…. That sadness never touched that, you know? He was never there, his memory didn’t live in the place like it does here. I thought if I never talked about it, it would never hurt as bad there as it did here, that night.”

“But it did anyway.”

“It did.” You agreed, clearing your throat slightly. “For a really long time. I spent two years thinking of him, dreaming of him. I wanted him so bad, and it never went away with time like all of the Reddit forums said it would.” You laughed at your own stupidity, shaking your head at all the time you spent reading breakup advice from faceless strangers on the internet. “One day, I had to stop. I was my own worst enemy, listening to all the music we used to listen to together, living in the memories at night when I was alone in bed, picturing him beside me, holding my hand. I deleted him off all my social media, and his family, too. I erased all the pictures, and I drank and partied so much that I couldn’t think about anything, let alone him. I studied so much that I dreamt about Shakespeare, and every time I thought of his name, I shoved it so far to the back of my mind that I couldn’t possibly find it again. I forced myself to forget it all, to pretend it never happened so one day, I could believe it.”

“I told myself new memories would replace the old ones, and after a while they did. Christ, when we came here he wasn’t even a passing thought in my head, but I could feel this lingering sadness in the air, looming over my head all of the time. I didn’t get it until now, when I saw the box, and it all came back at once. I shoved it so far down that I tricked my brain into blocking it out, but when it’s in your face like that… it’s hard to keep it out.” You finished, closing your eyes to regain yourself. “That’s why you lost me for a while, I guess.”

“So you haven’t had any contact with this guy? Like, at all? You don’t know what he looks like, where he lives…?”

“Nothing.” You assured her. “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s ignoring a problem so much that it ceases to exist.”

“But it does exist, and it still hurts.” She explained. “You don’t date, you don’t try to meet guys, you hate the idea of love, and this is why, Y/N. If it’s been six years and you still feel that way, maybe you should reach out.” She offered, looking over the CD once again.

“As if,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at the idea. “He wouldn’t even remember me, Mel. It’s been so long, I’m sure he’s long moved past us. He’s the type of guy everyone loves, so I’m sure he’s found someone who treats him really well. He deserves that, not the girl from high school who broke his and her own heart.”

“Maybe we should just look at his instagram, just to see what he looks like?” She asked, pulling out her phone.

“No.” You said, reaching out and holding her phone down. “I don’t want to, Mel. I stopped keeping up with him for a reason. All it does is hurt me more.”

“Okay.” She conceded, placing her phone back on the bed. “Since we’re already sad, why don’t we listen to the music? Why don’t you tell me about the songs?”

“Nosy.” You snipped, but shot a playful smile her way.

“Obviously.” She huffed. “My best friend just told me about a boyfriend I’ve never heard of before, who is apparently the greatest love of her life. I want to know everything that I didn’t know I was missing.”

“I don’t know…” you trailed off, eyeing the messy handwriting on the surface of the disk. “I’d just be reopening old wounds. I don’t know if that’s what I should be doing while I’m trying to start my life.”

“Seems like they’re already open, Y/N.” She said, raising an eyebrow. “Just one song?” You watched her face for a moment, your heart racing at the thought of playing that first track. At the same time, an overwhelming sense of calm washed over you at the idea, like an addict finally in reach of a fix. It had been so long since you let yourself enjoy the music that spoke his love for you, and the thought of hearing it again made your heart soar. It had been so long since you felt such an abundance of love like that, and you understood that it couldn’t hurt more than it already was.

“Yeah, okay.” You sighed, carefully placing all the items back in the box. You sat it beside you on the bed, slowly standing to your feet. You grabbed the disk from her hand, navigating through the mess on the floor and plopping down in the computer chair nestled in the corner of your room. You hunched over; searching through the drawers of your desk until you exactly found what you were looking for. “A-ha.” You muttered to yourself, pulling out the old CD player and the speakers you had to go with it. The cords were tangled, wrapping around all of them and knitting together to make the task even more daunting for you. “I haven’t used this in years.” You said, your fingers carefully unraveling the tangled mess of the cords.

“Used it? Y/N, I haven’t even seen one since middle school.” You chuckled, plugging the player into the outlet on the wall beside you.

“I only ever used it to listen to this.” You clarified, wiping the dust from the surface with the bottom of your already dirty t-shirt. You popped the top open, carefully taking the disc from its holder and placing it inside. You shut it, trying to read the faded white print on the black surface to find the play button. Eventually, you hit start, and the air filled with a static silence, the whirring of the machine the only thing filling your ears.

You leaned back in your chair, closing your eyes as you braced yourself for the impact of that first note. Your palms were clammy, your chest tight and your stomach swirling with nausea. Even as horrible as you felt, knowing what was to come, the feeling was comforting, familiar even. You felt it so many times, huddled in that exact chair with your knees pulled to your chest. You felt it in your dorm room, tears clouding your vision as you tried to hide yourself under the covers and disappear from the world. You knew this feeling better than anything else, and you had every scratch and pause on the track memorized so well that you could recite it in your sleep.

Even so, it didn’t seem to stop the wave of grief that washed over you when the first strum of the acoustic guitar filled the air.

You nearly doubled over in your seat, struck with an invisible force that was stronger than anything else. Your bones ached and your body felt heavy, your eyes aching as you squeezed them shut so tightly it made you see stars. The music that filled the room was quiet, but it felt like it was screaming at you, beating you down and berating you for being so foolish.

“Childhood living,

Is easy to do

The things you wanted

I bought them for you.”

Four years old, Barbie doll in hand and chocolate stains visible on your neon green shirt as you stood at the entryway of the kitchen. Your hair was wild, messy from a full day of playing outside. The summer air was sweeter than it had ever been, the color of the grass so prominent in your mind. Dandelion yellow stained your knees from kneeling on the abundant petals in the backyard. The clouds in the sky looked like cotton candy, and you pleaded with your mother to let you stay outside for just a moment longer.

Of course, she picked you up by the arms, scolding you with a smile as she told you that you wouldn’t be able to play if you were hungry. Dinner was waiting for you on the table, your favorite meal to top off the wondrous day of being completely carefree. For dessert, you split an ice cream sundae with your dad, doused in chocolate sauce and rainbow sprinkles. As your mom did the dishes, you watched a cartoon on the couch. When the sound of the water stopped and giggles filled the air, you couldn’t help but investigate, dreading missing out on a moment of fun.

When you peeked into the room, the kitchen table concealing you as you stood at perfect height, you did not see your mom hovering over the sink. Instead, you heard the static hum of the radio, the familiar song playing quietly. Your mother was in the middle of the room, dish towel still in her hand and a blinding smile on her face. Your father stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head nuzzled in the crook of her neck. A smile that matched hers rested on his own lips as they swayed slowly, and he was singing her the lyrics as they passed through the speaker.

Although it was out of tune, off time, and nowhere near as good as Mick Jagger had sounded, it was perfect. To you and your mother, it was the best sound in the whole world, because when your dad sang it, it was full of love.

“Graceless lady

You know who I am

You know I can’t let you

Slide through my hands.”

Eight years old with your little sister by your side, the words passed through your fathers lips, but it wasn’t the same as it used to be. He was tired, withdrawn, singing the song with refrain in his eyes as he watched the hand your mother was holding. The love has lessened, the tune a habit rather than a gift. Things were different, and you chalked it up to age. One day you were certain your father would sing it again, with the very same love in his eyes he used to have.

“Wild horses

Couldn’t drag me away

Wild, wild horses

Couldn’t drag me away.”

The familiar song played through the closed door of your parents bedroom, but it was not framing a sweet moment. It had been on repeat for a day, now, and your father had left late the night before. Something deep in your soul told you he was not in there, nor was he singing it to her. Sometimes, when the music lulled, you could hear a muffled cry pass through the hollow door, cementing the notion in your head for good.

“I watched you suffer

A dull, aching pain

Now you’ve decided

To show me the same.”

At thirteen, you stood at the door of your parents bedroom, a lump in your throat as you watched your mother sleep away another afternoon. Your sister continued asking when your dad would be home, but the longer you stared at the half-empty room, the more you understood that the answer was something she couldn't quite understand. The longer you watched, the more you understood you’d never hear him sing that song again.

“No sweeping exits

Or offstage lines

Could make me feel bitter

Or treat you unkind.”

“Oh, God. Jake, please turn that off.” You pleaded, the melodic sound filling your stomach with dread. He looked back at you, nestled in his bed and safe under his blankets. He turned around in his desk chair, his head cocked to the side as he abandoned his math homework.

“What, you don’t like The Stones?” There was a careful kindness in his tone, wondering where your sudden discomfort came from but nervous to cross a line by asking.

“No, I do, just not this song.” You clarified, your heart racing in your chest as the hum of Jagger’s voice began to fill your ears. You tried so hard to stay calm, not to retaliate and cover your ears so you did not look like a child throwing a tantrum. Instantly, he reached over and lifted the needle from the spinning vinyl, placing it back on the holder. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t listen to it.” You breathed, feeling a wave of relief wash over you as the song came to an abrupt stop.

“S’okay, sunshine. You don’t have to apologize for anything.” He promised, wheeling over to you as he noticed the discomfort in your eyes. He reached out, brushing your bangs from your eyes in an attempt to comfort you. “Why not?”

“Long story.” You whispered, your head sinking further down into his pillow.

“I always have time to listen to you.” He assured you, his thumb drifting over your cheek. Your eyes fluttered to meet his, the sight immediately calming your mind. You swallowed hard, leaning into his touch ever so slightly.

“My dad… he used to sing this to my mom. It was the best song in the whole world to us for so long.” You explained, fighting the distaste begging to leech into your tone. “They used to slow dance to it in the kitchen, and he’d sing it to us too, when we were sad. Then he fucking left, and mom listened to it over and over again, like it would bring him back. Guess it didn’t work out as well as she hoped it would.”

“I’m sorry, sunshine. I had no idea.” He hummed, his fingernails gently scratching over your scalp in hopes of soothing you.

“S’okay,” your eyes fluttered closed in bliss at the feeling. “Just sucks, ‘cause I used to love the song so much, and now it makes me sick.”

You didn’t understand back then, but now you knew why your mother played it so often. She was hoping it would bring him back, or hoping that it would make her feel close to him again. She was torturing herself in the same way that you tortured yourself with the exact CD you were listening to, then.

“Wild horses

Couldn’t drag me away

Wild, wild horses

Couldn’t drag me away.”

“I have something to show you, sunshine.” Jake's hand in yours felt right, just as it always did. His voice rang through your ears as you walked up the stairs to his bedroom. You had no idea what was awaiting you, but you knew if he had anything to do with it, it would be nothing short of fantastic.

“I know I dreamed you

A sin and a lie

I have my freedom

But I don’t have much time

Faith has been broken

Tears must be cried

Let’s do some living

After we die.”

You couldn’t stop the tears, running like waterfalls down your cheeks as Jake softly strummed at his dads old acoustic. The rasp in his voice paired with the quiver of nervousness made his singing all the more beautiful, and the sentiment behind his actions made your heart swell with joy. He was the most beautiful thing you’d ever laid eyes on, and you couldn’t believe he loved you so dearly.

His playing slowed to a stop, his anxious eyes flickering up to your face. As he noticed the trails of mascara streaked down your cheeks, his stomach dropped, fearful that he hurt you more than helped. You wanted to speak, to commend him for his gracious gesture, but words were failing you. You had never been so full of love in your life, not for anyone or anything, but he continued to amaze you with every day that passed.

“I’m sorry, beautiful. I never wanted to make you cry.” He stood, propping the guitar against his desk as he stepped towards you. His hands reached out, gently swiping away any lingering sadness on your face.

“No, Jake.” You shook your head, still choked up at the sweetness of the moment. “It was beautiful. So, so beautiful.” A small smile crossed his lips, and he crouched down to eye level, dreading overlooking a single moment of time with you. “Nobody’s ever done anything so nice for me.”

“I just… you said you loved the song, but you couldn’t listen to it anymore because it hurt too bad. I wanted to make the song good again, to make it hurt less.” He whispered, his brown eyes seemingly staring into your soul. “I don’t know if it worked, but I’d do anything for you, sunshine. I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy.”

“You do, Jake. You always do.” You felt tears falling from your eyes, but they were for a whole different reason than they were all of the times you heard the song before. He did exactly as he intended, and the song took on a whole different meaning. The bad hurt less, and the memory of Jake singing to you would be something you would never forget. He was everything, and you were so incredibly lucky to have him.

You reached toward, pausing the track before it could finish. Your chest was aching, your shoulders shaking with your tears as you felt Mel’s hands on your shoulders in support. She slid them downwards, and your hands raised in search of hers. Your head fell back, resting on her stomach as you tried to calm yourself down. It hurt the same every time; no matter how many years stood between the initial heartbreak, the thought of losing Jake had always been the worst one ever.

“Tell me about the song.” She whispered, pulling you out of your own head in hopes you’d share the sorrow with her, just to make it a little easier to digest.

With a shaky breath, you recounted the memories that you’d kept locked up for so long, finally allowing someone to help you carry the weight of them. She listened intently to every word you had to say, hanging on to the stories and keeping them as safe as you had the whole time. There was no one in the world you trusted quite like her, knowing that you could confess anything and she’d still extend a helping hand. You were lucky to have her, grateful to call her your best friend, but you knew that even she could not begin to ease the pain from this.

“I just… I wish things were different for us, you know? Like, I always knew we should have been more, that we shouldn’t have ended like that.” You let out a ragged sigh, finishing your retelling with the sentiment that haunted you for so long. “He tried to stay friends, and he tried so hard, but I had to stop. A few days after I got to school, I had to stop talking to him, because I loved him too much. Friends was torture back then, but now I feel stupid for cutting him off. Now I know that having him around would have been better than this.”

“Y/N, you have to reach out to him.” She urged, combing her fingers through your hair. “If it’s been this long and you still feel that way about him, you can’t let it go.” She tied your hair back in a ponytail, keeping it away from your face until you calmed down. Your cheeks were crimson, burning with heat as the sadness ran its course. Your eyes were swollen, your head aching, and you wished it could be that easy.

“After six years, Mel?” You didn’t mean to sound so condescending, but the tone slipped out without a second thought. “We’re totally different people now. I bet he doesn’t even think about me anymore.”

“You don’t know that, though.” She argued her point, squeezing your shoulders ever so slightly. “He could be sitting in his room, talking to his best friend like this. He might still be hurting, too, and maybe he’s scared to reach out because he thinks you forgot about him.” She let the thought hang in the air for a moment, not pressing any further until you responded. You blinked hard, wiping your eyes with the backs of your hands. The coolness of your skin felt nice against your face, bringing you back to earth for a moment. When the silence became too much for her, she spoke again. “You never know unless you try, Y/N. You can’t live the rest of your life wondering. Just reach out, say hi and ask how he’s doing. Even if he’s moved on, at least you’ll know for sure. Once that door is closed, you can move on too. Right now, you’ll be stuck thinking about him and wondering ‘what if’ forever.”

You didn’t want to tell her she was right, mostly because you were too afraid he would be moved on, in love with someone else and happier without you. You wanted it for him, because he deserved it, but you wanted to be the one that made him happy. The thought of someone else loving him made you sick, because you doubted that anyone could ever love him as much as you did. Actually, you doubted that anyone could love anyone as much as you loved Jake.

“I doubt he has the same number, anyway. I just have the one he had in high school.” You shook your head, finding yourself too hopeful already. You needed to shut it down before your heart broke even further.

“Try, Y/N.” Mel urged, unable to drop the topic. She wanted it for you, to see you happy and in love. She always wondered why romance never seemed to move you, and now she knew it’s always been because you were waiting for him. Instead of responding, you hit the rewind button on the player and pressed play again, already yearning to live in the memory of him singing it to you again. A sad smile crossed Mel’s lips, but she gave a curt nod, turning around and continuing to pack and move boxes of already sorted items.

You pulled your knees to your chest, resting your chin atop of them as you listened to the familiar melody. You wondered if maybe his number was the same, and if you reached out, he’d still have your contact saved in his phone. You wanted to know where he ended up, what he was doing and who he was doing it with. You wanted to know him, to hear his voice and have him say your name again. The need was pressing, and it grew harder to ignore the longer the song played.

Could he still feel the same? After this long, did he still think of you from time to time with hurt in his heart and regret in his mind? Was it possible that he was still hung up on you, or were you just an idiot who couldn’t comprehend letting go?

You had so many questions, the same ones that plagued you since the day you left. You didn’t know the answer, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to.

However, Mel was right.

You would never know unless you tried, and for him, you would do anything. As much as it would kill you to hear how happy he was without you, it would still be better than never talking to him at all. You needed to know the man he grew into, even if it was for a fleeting moment in time. You wanted to know if his hair grew out, if he still played guitar, and if his laugh was still just as sweet as it was back then. You wanted to tell him you graduated, that you finally did it after so long spent talking about it.

You couldn’t waste the rest of your life hung up on a man who loved you when you were young. You couldn’t be eighty years old and still thinking of Jake Kiszka when you tried to sleep at night. More than that, you couldn’t open yourself up to love if you were still so in love with him.

“I’m going to grab something to eat.” Mel said, hovering in the doorway of your room. When you didn’t so much as look her way, she turned towards the stairs and walked out of sight.

You needed to reach out. You needed to try, just like she said. Even if the conversation sealed shut the door you always wished to open again, it would give you closure, and you might finally be able to move on. Right now, moving on was laughable, and it was something you never believed you could do.

Mel was right, and so right that it was impossible to ignore her.

Even if his number changed, or if you were blocked, you would finally know for sure. You took a large gulp of breath as you stood to your feet, Wild Horses still playing softly in the background as you stepped towards your bed. You grabbed your phone from the mattress, unlocking the screen and clicking on your contacts. You gulped down the ball of anxiety stuck in your throat as you selected the name you never thought you’d speak again. There was still a red heart beside his name, something you couldn’t bear to change. You opened a new text thread, the empty screen sending a shiver down your spine as you recounted the endless ‘I love you’s’ once held inside the chat.

Your finger hovered over the keypad, your mind blank as you thought of what to say. There were so many things you always wanted to confess to him, that you were sorry and you missed him, or that you were wrong and never should have left. You wanted to be angry that he let you leave, and to be happy for all the love he gave you that carried you through until that very moment. You wanted to say everything and anything, but it wasn’t right. You couldn’t break the radio silence after so long with something so powerful, but you never knew how to keep it simple when it came to Jake. His name alone caught you in a storm of emotion, and the picture of his face in your mind nearly brought you to your knees.

You began to type, quickly stopping yourself with a shake of your head. It wasn’t right. What were you supposed to start with? How could you rekindle conversation with the only man you’d ever loved, after so long of loving him silently?

You started again, letting out a sigh as the words seemed to come out wrong yet again. You felt like an idiot, but you still stood in place, staring at the screen. Somehow, no matter how stupid you felt, putting the phone down felt wrong. You needed to do it, but you just didn’t know how.

You typed and re-typed the message so many times that your eyes crossed and your head began to spin. Your heart was thudding against your chest so intensely that it began to hurt, and you hadn’t even hit send yet.

“Come on, coward. You can do it.” You huffed, furrowing your brows as you hyped yourself up. “Stop overthinking it.”

And you did; when you stopped thinking, it seemed all the more easy.

You - 4:53pm

Hey, Jake. It’s Y/N. I know it’s been a while, and I’m not sure if this is even your number anymore, but I’m back in Michigan again, for good I think. When I’m in Michigan it always reminds me of you. I hope you’re doing okay, and I hope that this isn’t too weird. It’s strange being home, and I guess I was just thinking of you and wanted you to know that after all this time, you’re still on my mind.

With little hope and a lot of courage, you attached a song from Spotify to the text. You hit send, watching the blue line at the top of the screen slowly begin to slide across, signifying it was much too late to change your mind. It was slower than usual, making you believe he truly may have changed his number, or blocked you at the very least. If he did, you couldn’t blame him, because you’d been tempted to do the same.

Before you could spiral too far, the small chirp let you know that the text was delivered, and the words underneath the bubble read as such. Your heart drummed even faster, and you expected a wave of regret to take over, but it never came. Instead, your mind was calm, a strange peacefulness washing over you at the sight of his name in your phone again. Soon after, the song delivered too, the link turning into a shortcut. The album cover showed in a small square, and next to it showed the name of the song and the artist underneath. On the very opposite side, a small little play circle appeared, letting him preview a snippet before he opened the app.

“Wild horses

Couldn’t drag me away

Wild, wild horses

We’ll ride them someday

Wild horses

couldn’t drag me away

Wild, wild horses

We’ll ride them someday.”

You listened to the song playing over your speakers, your cheeks flushed and your lips upturned into a small smile. You wondered if it was too much, or if he would think you were weird for sending him the song, but deep down you believed that even if he did, some semblance of the man you used to love so dearly continued to remain. Even after all this time, the song would still be important to him, and just the same as back then, even after all this time, not even wild horses could drag you away from him.

TAGLIST: @anythingforjtk @highway-tuna @klarxtr @hollyco @thetroublegetssoloud71 @ageofbajabule @dannys-dream @raceb14 @watchingover-hypegirl @starshine-gvf

[olivianyx]

hi love! i see so many similarities in your story w mine. Thank you for being so open and honest about it. I too had many troubling thoughts as i am trying to enter the void still. I know death is not the option. I know i want to live, live my best life. I’m glad your brother was able to save you. I’m in a terrible situation currently and sadly can only think of the void to make all of it go away so i had a few questions, i hope you can answer them

Can you go in detail as to what you were doing before you entered the void? like the affs u used, subs u listened to

“I just did my affs, persisted in it, and listened to subs, and on Christmas Eve, I got into it successfully. “

and how did you get into the void? did you meditate or wake up in it? could you also please share how you entered the void for the first time as well?

thank you for your time❤️

Heyy! First of all, your welcome sweetheart, I just wanted to share how naive I was before just like some people struggling to apply the law. If I did it, anyone can.

Second of all, deciding that the void is the ultimate solution will put your own life at risk. I've experienced it. Let's not use it as a method of escapism. The void is you. You are the void. It's not something that you need to achieve. It's just you in your purest form of your awareness. So I need you to understand it my love.

Coming to your questions,

🫶 what was I doing before I entered the void?

I first researched about the void and it seemed like a light at the end of the tunnel honestly. I read success stories and was really eager to try it. I tried it and I did not enter (actually we all enter the void everytime, we just need to be aware of it) so the more I tried and failed being aware, the more depressed I became. Like literally I only used to think of it as a way for escapism.

So I learnt to apply the law first. What does the law of assumption say? What you assume to be true, is the truth. So what was my assumption? I always enter the void being aware. So I started acting like the person who always enter the void. Like I would robotic affirm on my off days. Then after doing this for like a few days, I saw a change in my mindset and I eventually entered the void.

I personally used guided meditations abd sats at night. Subliminals and robotic affirming in the day time. That's it! It was hard for me to change my mind, but I didn't give up. I persisted in my assumptions.

On Christmas Eve, I just laid down and did lullaby method. My aff was 'I'm a master at void' and slowly I felt myself drifting away. And I entered the void that night.

Hope this helps 🤍🤍