#''you may be able to heal the deepest wounds but you can never heal my broken spirit'' and then fell asleep

[imissthefire]

stefan is my babygirl, my kitten, my sweet little rat, my caution wet cement sign that goes unheeded, my silly rabbit, my goofy goober, my cracked mirror that exudes an ominous mist, my sock lost in the dryer, my rusty nail, my fortune cookie with two fortunes inside, my broken drippy faucet, my glasses with fingerprints obscuring my sight, my soft taco, my little birdie in the woods who sings songs haunting as his past, my half melted ice cream, my dented can of peaches, my doorknob, my ergonimically designed powerdrill, my worn out jeans, my—

[talonabraxas]

Urna, Buddha's Third Eye Talon Abraxas

Third Eye Chakra Affirmations The third eye is the energy center of intuition and divine wisdom. I will show you how can quickly start energizing this chakra using my favorite 35 third eye chakra affirmations.

Third eye chakra affirmations encourage you to become more connected with your Third Eye or Ajna Chakra.

Affirmations empower and restore your chakra and as a result, you acquire greater self-awareness and razor-sharp intuition.

The Third Eye Chakra seats the eyes of your soul. You will be able to discern the world with greater perspectives when you activate your third eye using affirmations. You will be able to see, hear, and feel the energy around you. You may even be able to perceive psychically and with very strong intuition.

Awakening your Third Eye enables you to comprehend complex concepts and situations you may not have understood in the past.

You will see other angles of your circumstances with sharper vision. You will also be able to communicate thoughts and feelings easily.

Your Third Eye Chakra The word chakra originates from the Sanskrit word for circle or a spinning wheel.

At times, chakras are referred to as the wheels of life. Chakras are aligned in ascending order from the spine’s base to the top of your head.

Chakras have perpetually been referred to as a classical element, an aspect of consciousness and related to bodily functions.

The Third Eye Chakra emanates from between the eyebrows on your forehead.

Essentially, chakras are multiple subtle body focal points used in various ancient practices of meditation.

Denominated collectively as esoteric, inner traditions of Hinduism, also known as Tantra.

The area between the eyebrows is where we direct our attention when doing third eye affirmations.

Early traditions of Hinduism reveal the concept of chakras. Between religions of India, beliefs vary.

Buddhism texts mention five chakras consistently while sources of Hinduism offer six to seven chakras.

Regardless of belief, early Sanskrit text revels meditation visualizations combine mantras and flowers as the physical body’s physical entities.

35 Third Eye Chakra Affirmations

I listen to my deepest intuition

I am in touch with internal guidance

My intuition always works to serve my highest purpose.

I and my intuition are made with perfection

I am blessed with an inner voice.

I always know exactly what to do, all the time.

I am full of wisdom and knowledge.

I always look within when making decisions

My intuition always tells me what to do.

My intuition is never wrong.

I am complete with inner knowing.

We are all growing and learning. I am growing and learning

I was born to fulfill my God-given purpose.

I love discovering new things every day.

I see life everywhere I look.

I am here for a reason.

I accept that I have weaknesses. I accept that I have strengths.

I completely accept myself.

I accept everything my third eye tells me.

I accept the things I cannot change.

I can only control my reactions to things.

I can always see clearly

I am sensitive to the world around me.

I am shielded from harm by my intuition

I can see clearly.

I attract everything I have in my reality.

I am enough as I am

I always know the right thing to do

I live to serve my highest purpose

I was born to serve a greater purpose

I am born with everything I need to survive.

Everything I need to know, I already know

My inner-knowing never fails

I always know exactly what to do in every situation.

I trust my inner guidance

Why Are Affirmations So Powerful? The reason is that words are, like everything else, a type of energy with their own frequency.

There is tremendous power in spoken words.

Words can heal or they can wound. They are powerful and can be used as a powerful weapon. They have the power to recreate your world and alter your life.

The reason that positive affirmations work is because of neuroplasticity, which is a proven scientific principle. Neuroplasticity is the ability to rewire your brain with the power of words. There is a major role that affirmations play in actualizing our subconscious and manifesting desires.

Words can be used to balance your chakras and can have a significant impact on the outcome of your health. One example of the power of affirmations is when we have a positive attitude and feel good about ourselves.

The Energy of Words This raises the body’s vibration into something positive and attracts renewed health, stronger chakra, and as a result clarity of vision, perfect health, a relaxed mind, and total well-being. Holistic tradition suggests that positive affirmations raise your chakra’s frequency and make your energetic body stronger.

When you believe and act as if something you are saying is true, and that you have acquired the outcome you long for, then the more you actualize the affirmation.

Thus when you tell yourself “I am tranquil,” This will affect your energetic chakra body and you will, inevitably, become tranquil. Scientifically, affirmations have been proven to work. The fact that they have been around for centuries means that generations of human beings have reaped the benefits of using affirmations.

The best method of proving that affirmations work is to see for yourself first hand. After a few days, you will notice real results in your life and might finally understand what has made millions of people true believers in the power of affirmations.

[wearingaberetinparis]

Regency Style Jily Microfic

@jilymicrofics

Prompt: Pity Word Count: 907 “Miss Evans,” he breathed, holding his hat in his hands, his chest heaving from exertion after braving the journey from Peverell Palace to Gryffindor House. His manner was uneasy, his eyes darting all over her face as if he were looking for signs of her own unrest. “I’ve just heard the news, I –” he opened and closed his mouth, as if not knowing what to say. “You have?” she asked him. “And here I thought I might be able to surprise you for once, Mr Potter. Alas, again you are my superior in every way possible –” her cheeks glowed despite the gloomy April air that had caused goosebumps to rise on her arms a moment before he had arrived. She hoped one look in her direction did not rouse his suspicions. She had guarded her secret – the depth of her feelings for him – so carefully in the past months, she did not wish to fail in this final moment. He took her gloved hand in his then, holding it to his heart, startling her and causing her eyes to widen significantly. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest. “Miss Evans, I must say –” the expression on his face was pained, “– while I’m sure it will seem impossible now, time will heal all wounds and –” he swallowed, “– I hope that perhaps in time, your heart will learn to love once more, that it might carry the affection it has known again –” She frowned slightly, his words a riddle to her. “He truly is an abominable scoundrel, but – rest assured – he will soon be gone and –”

“Mr Potter,” she started, understanding dawning all of a sudden, “I’m not –” her heart fluttered at the warmth he showed her, at the regard he took to what he had assumed to be the truth of her innermost feelings, “ – you are very kind, but you are also mistaken, I have no regrets and wish the happy couple nothing but the very best –” He took a small step towards her, squeezed her hand that was so warmly placed in his own. “You are too good,” he almost whispered. “Miss Evans, he did not deserve you –” She was certain she blushed now. “I do not deserve your pity –” “Pity?” he sounded alarmed. “I have nothing but the deepest and warmest compassion for your situation for I am so well-acquainted myself with a love unrequited –” “Is it?” He stilled almost, wetted his lips with the tip of his tongue and this emboldened her. “Unrequited, I mean. How can you be sure that the lady you hold in such high esteem may not love you as you do her –” He dropped her hand, turned away slightly. “I have long lost all hope –” “Then I must pity you, Mr Potter –” He started to pace, hands curled around the brim of his hat. “I’m not here to talk about my own misfortune, I am here to tell you that Mr Diggory has been a most foul creature indeed, engaging your attentions so –” Her eyebrows rose, the question on her lips before she could stop to think about it. “Do you envy him?” “In every respect when it comes to you!” Time seemed to have stopped at his declaration and so had her heart. She watched him as he came to the realisation of what he had just revealed. He turned to her, spluttered out an apology, fully and completely horrified to note the impropriety of his conduct. “Miss Evans, I do so sincerely apologise, I had not meant to startle you so –” She was the one to move towards him this time, her fingers resting gently on his elbow as she said: “You did not, Mr Potter,” her voice was barely more than a whisper as he looked down on her, seemingly entranced by her very presence. “It appears that I am right to pity you for it seems that you have far too long been misguided –” “Do not remind me,” he spoke with anguish, “of the folly of my hoping you might ever return my feelings –” She stopped him by raising herself on her tiptoes and placing her lips – ever so softly, ever so hesitantly, ever so anxiously – against his, her heartbeat louder than it had ever been as it pounded through her veins. She let herself fall back, avoided his gaze for sheer nerves. “I have never loved Mr Diggory,” she confessed. “It’s you who has been on my mind for the longest of time, even if I didn’t know it at first or recognise its meaning for what it was –”   His hand now curled around her cheek and he brought her eyes up to his, noted the brilliance of the smile that played at his lips. “Could you be –?” he asked. “Are you certain –?” She very nearly scoffed, but didn’t want him to question the feelings that she harboured for him so dearly yet again. “Pity me, Mr Potter, for I am fully at your mercy.”

His kiss was all she had ever needed and more than she could have ever imagined herself wanting.

[syscourse-confessions]

Not so much syscourse specific but more so system spaces in general and an actual confession and abit of advice from an adult system whose been in system spaces since they were 15

Every time I hear someone say that someone in a system discord or someone on Tumblr invalidated their trauma or said it wasn't enough, my immediate thought is to blame them for sharing trauma with strangers. I have to fight myself to not just immediately blurt out about how naive that is and how you shouldn't be seeking validation from strangers period, especially about something as personal as trauma. About how no one can judge if it truly hurt you enough to shatter your sense of self other than you or someone who's been literally trained to do that aka a medical professional.

Yeah, I get trauma dumping with friends and all that and I agree that internet friends are real friends but I've personally seen some of the young systems, especially minors, here blurt out all their info other than their full name, phone number and address in vent channels and I feel like they need to be guided to actual help, not just random people who joined a discord. We cant diagnose you and we can't actually tell you if your trauma was bad enough and anyone who tries to be your " personal unofficial therapist" isnt probably a good person with your best interests at heart. Especially if you never met them irl. Some people here think that just being a system and an adult who's known about their system for a while might as well be a professional or psychologist and THEY AREN'T. They can hurt you with bad advice and teach you harmful habits that can carry on not just into your adult years, but the rest of your life. They haven't been trained and if they constantly try to tell you they know better than a doctor because "doctors only ever learn by reading the dsm and I've read it", run. They are going to start abusing you.

I totally get the desire to be validated. Everyone wants to feel like their emotions are valid, especially kids in abusive households with no medical assistance and no school friends. They have no one else. But this is how you get groomed. This is how you form wounds you'll be healing in adulthood.

Don't tell random people who did the easiest shit of lieing on a throwaway blog to get into a discord server to specifically get at young hurting children looking for the slightest bit of affection about the deepest and darkest parts of you. They don't need to know. It's not an expectation and these strangers don't need to know. Everyone on the Internet is wearing a mask and that is all you'll ever see of them. There's lots and lots of good people here who are just looking for friends like you but you can't tell the good ones from the creeps and the groomers and the abusers and the bigots. Most of the time, there is no sign and you need to be vigilant.

This gose for everyone, regardless of age. Don't tell strangers your trauma!! They don't need to know!! They can't give you validation you can't find from people who know what their doing and yourself!! If they are demanding it from you for some sick personal gain, they don't have your best interests at heart and you need to block them!! I wish people would of've told me this so some of my groomers and abusers didn't have triggering ammo to use on me!! Don't! Tell! Random! People! Your! Trauma!

Literally nothing good can come from anyone being able to use (and therefore abuse) the tenderest parts of you. Be vague if you need to specify but don't tell them in graphic detail. It won't help you and though your friends will pity you and give advice, someone is already locking that away to hurt you with it later. It's not worth the 30 minutes to an hour of validation to be violated for days later. Keep the important things close.

DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any

[slverblood]

Talk About True Love

I keep putting this off until I feel like my thoughts are coherent, but they're never going to be coherent lmao

True's Love Caress and True Love's Embrace are a matching pair of rings you loot in Reithwin. Despite the light-hearted item descriptions, the true story attached to them is far more grim. It both foreshadows Aylin's situation and, in my opinion, encapsulates a central theme of Act 2.

Reading "Bonded By Love - Husband's Diary" reveals the husband in question married Miranda, a Sharran cleric. She proposed to him on the eve of battle, officiated the ceremony on the spot, and blessed the rings the two would wear. The husband was elated. What he did not know, however, was the true purpose of the rings. As long as they wore the rings, any wound she received would be reflected onto her husband instead. Miranda could survive wicked battles without so much as a scratch. Meanwhile in Reithwin, every single wound appeared on her husband's body. He never knew the source. No one would tell or help him. The House of Healing sent him away. Finally, it killed him.

And, that's what Act 2 is all about: compassion, in the most fucked up sense imaginable. I mean the root word of compassion — compati: to suffer with. I was taught that pati isn't merely "suffer"; it is "torture". Compati is then "tortured with". In English, compassion has connotation of not merely feeling pity for someone. That alone would be sympathy. It is feeling that pity so keenly that you are compelled to action, for it is as if you suffer alongside them and to end their agonies is to end your own.

Act 2 is about the darker aspects of that. I'm trying to think how to word this . . . It's about compassion being weaponized and taken advantage of. It's in the way you're able to talk all of the Thorms in Reithwin into self-destructing by putting yourself into their shoes for a moment, understanding what makes them tick, and turning that against them. It's in the way He Who Was takes Madeline's soul into his body so that she may be judged for her crimes and the way the guilt of protecting herself at the expense of her friends torments her more than anything else. It's in the way the tadpole connects every cultist at Moonrise and beyond on the deepest level, allowing them to share every experience directly, and the way you would be among their ranks were it not for a fluke.

It's in the way everyone tried to comfort Ketheric after Isobel's death, but his pain ran so deep that he shouldered his torment alone, believing no one could be tormented with him. But, it was a torment too great for one person, so he spread it like a blight across the world. He sought to force them into compassion, into compatior, into being tortured with. So he took the one person for whom Isobel was also their entire world, and rather than take comfort in their mutual grief, he caged her in the Shadowfell. He bound her with a curse that forced her to suffer every blow that should ever be visited upon him and ensured she would be tortured eternally as he was. He led hundreds of people to Shar to lose everything in her embrace as he had already lost everything. He covered the land in an all-consuming darkness that would make undead husks of them just as he felt lost in darkness in twisted mimicry of life since his daughter's death. Then he sold his soul to Myrkul to get Isobel back and in turn stole hundreds, perhaps thousands, of souls by infecting them with tadpoles.

And, he is yet another Thorm you have the option to talk into self-destruction. You can approach him with compassion for his story, and he can be touched by it, making the subsequent fights easier. But, you cannot avoid those fights. It's not that compassion came to him too late. It's that he accepted it too late. He believed his pain was so deep none could touch it — and so none could. So focused on wanting others to feel his suffering that he failed to feel theirs, only inflicted more.

[feedingtheflockministry]

A Prayer for When Grief Affects Our Friendships

Grief changed me. It changed everything if I am being honest, including my relationships. But it especially put a strain on some of my friendships. After the loss of my mom, I felt so lost and alone. In time, depression wrapped around me like a smothering blanket, coddling and carelessly “comforting” me. Unfortunately, I sunk into the quick relief it provided, believing it recognized my pain. When we are in our deepest moments of sorrow, we desperately need friends to come alongside us. They offer support and clarity to situations that could lead us down dark paths. However, even the closest of friends may not recognize or understand the depth of our pain, causing more confusion and heartbreak.

The truth is, friends will naturally come in and out of our lives, and while some will be able to withstand and see us through the most difficult seasons in our lives, others will drift away. The death of a loved one has a way of rearranging our lives and oftentimes upsetting some of our friendships. While this can truly be disheartening, we must know when we are in a state of grief, and friends appear distant or silent, God is always drawing near. When we feel alone, disappointed, or even avoided, there are promises and Truths we need to remember and etch in our hearts.

God’s Promises to Remember:

God will strengthen you. (Isaiah 41:10)

God will grant you peace. (Isaiah 26:3)

God will instruct you. (Psalms 32:8)

God will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

God’s Truth to Etch in Your Heart:

God is trustworthy. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God is our safe refuge. (Psalm 46:1)

God offers hope in all circumstances. (Hebrews 12:2)

God’s love for us will never fail. (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Thankfully, our God is Healer and can bring peace and restore wounds acquired in our relationships during a time of grief. Will you hand over the hurt and pain to the Father, and allow Him to cover you in His mercy and grace today?

Let’s pray:

Dear God,

You are a loving Father, and I am ever so grateful for Your kindness and compassion. I come to You today with my heavy heart, in need of Your grace and tender loving care. Grief has taken on a shape that honestly concerns me and is now affecting relationships, especially my friendships. I’m emotionally exhausted and want to connect with my friends, but many days I am striving to put one foot in front of the other. I feel like I am disappointing them with my lack of response, and they are hurting me with their silence and distance.

Deep down, I know friends aren’t necessarily avoiding me because they don’t care, but rather because they possibly believe I need space. They may not even recognize I am hurting or unsure of how to help. I haven’t been the best about telling them how I feel and that I need their support, so in a sense, I am grieving them too. So, Lord, I seek Your guidance, wisdom, and direction. Please help me let go of the expectations I am placing on myself and others, as they are only causing disappointment and mixed-up emotions. Will You please come alongside me and help me see the blind spots I have acquired, so I can extend grace and forgiveness to the friendships that are bringing about confusion? If needed, show me where I need to create space and healthy boundaries in order to heal.

Lord, I am learning grief is a process and comes in waves. I ask You to provide a community around me during this difficult time so I can be reminded of Your promises and Truth when the lies are loud. Provide safe friendships that will be present, offer love and support, and lead me back to You. Help me to also be that friend in return. Thank You for the gift of friendship and connection, as I know You designed us to do life together. Most importantly, thank You, Lord, for being my best friend and loving me through this painful grief. I am so thankful that I can come to You in my mess, hurt, and selfish nature. I hand over all my wounds, knowing I am fully accepted, known, and loved.

I am forever grateful to be Your daughter. Amen.

By Alicia Searl

[sasorikigai]

“It’s time to come back from the dark.”

POETRY STARTERS II || @mamoriitai || accepting

💥 || The worst pain a human can feel may be having an hanging heart that grabs tight to the last tread; for a broken heart gets destroyed so it can heal. But the heart that is grabbing on by its dear life, the one that never gets his love rejected or confirmed, latches onto the last bit of hope. Death of Harumi and Satoshi Hasashi once turned agonizing and grieving husband and father Hanzo Hasashi into something frightening inside the mirror; a fearsome thing that lived between the fragile, yet deadly glass and the silver backing of the formidable steel. Despite him no longer able to see the one that he was before, he still can see the remnants, glimpses of the angsty bastard, here to take wretched life of the corrupted.

Yet, he was in the wrong. Perhaps he was a tree growing backwards; its roots to the sky, its leaves under the earth. Roots that futilely and desperately attempting to grasp the idealism that had long pulverized and disintegrated. The leaves of autumn long crushed beneath the trampling feet of the unpredictable life he led as the Commander Hasashi. Even when he himself hovered along the indistinguishable edge of life and death, with his thoughts befuddled and nearly severed, like the transition of day to night playing at the speed of light, shambling and clinging to the frayed thread of mortality, a body producing volumes of blood that would leak out of the penetrated bullet, as a shuffling mass of human flesh, the embodiment of living death, bodily function threatening to shut down, he relied upon the hindbrain, of his characteristic tenacity and resilience power him forward. Perhaps the autonomic processes of human in him tried in vain, to cease the deluge of viscera, but the vestiges of his humanity simply refused to rapidly being erased.

The suffering is intrinsic, in spite of Hanzo's outlook having transformed more optimistic. Simply based on the statistics and predictions of his character, Commander Hasashi may not exist in the upcoming years, even months, more so tomorrow. In this soft, quiet, liminal waves of twilight spilling silently across his thoughts, it touches Hanzo's beating heart with the gift of brazen dusk, as clouds float like unspoken words across the vast canvas of horizon. Perhaps it was meant to be a seamstress sewing oneness, healing tortured wounds once again with the love perpetual and eternal.

For Hanzo Hasashi is the one with an ardent heart and a hungry soul; one of the things he hungers for is happiness. So much so that as Sayuri Iwasaki's words gently float him back to reality from one of his deepest reverie, the curl of his genuine smile embodies his beloved as the one from the past manifests into the present, he crosses the vast tree line and over the edge of the blooming universe. How his eyes hold luminous and voluptuous stars upon the glowing firmament, as he finds the receding tides of gloom and anguish pass along with the bastions of sorrowful love unrealized. "I cannot help nor stop tragedy flowing into tragedy. Perhaps that is why torment has accompanied my life for so long," and love is pain, but you always knew that. For love is what sustains me.

"Storms continue to rise and darkness will fall, but we will be shoulder to shoulder, our souls to quell. You will keep me with a steadfast heart, as I share my pain, you share yours. I know you will support me in myriad ways, through my dimmed and grayed world, as I will continue to yearn for your guiding light, as I continue to rise, resilient and strong. For my worth no longer depend on wrongs. I will mend the wounds and find my way. Always." 💥 ||

[moviesessionwithmyhubby]

The jigsaw puzzle pieces -Part4

#notamovieexplanation

Part 4: The Tab and The Hole Do you recall that in the first part of "The Jigsaw Puzzle Pieces", I mentioned that a jigsaw puzzle piece consists of two parts?  The Tab represents the valuable contributions that an individual can offer to others, while the Hole represents the areas in which that same individual may require assistance or support. These two components were created during a phase of refinement and polishing. This is the statement I made in the first part, but I must confess that I neglected to mention a particular detail. In my humble opinion, it seems unlikely that a puzzle piece would only connect with a single other puzzle piece. It is more possible that a puzzle piece would connect with numerous other pieces, and undergo repeated rounds of polishing and refining with each connection. Occasionally, a pair of puzzle pieces fail to align and must proceed with an uneven shape. They no longer resemble their original form, as they are now riddled with holes and edges. So when the puzzle piece moves on and encounters another, it experiences a sense of hesitation or vulnerability. When my husband initiated a conversation about my value, power, and the success or failure of our relationship being in my hands, I was initially confused and taken aback. "What is he talking about? Why is it all about me now?” Do you know the student who is rebellious?  If you have a rebellious student on your team who always causes trouble, you may feel that the success or failure of your team depends solely on their behavior. I felt like I was the rebellious student in our relationship, always causing trouble. I began to feel emotional (and to make matters worse, it's autumn week for me now.)

But as my husband began to peel the onion and explain his idea, I began to comprehend that he believed I held more value than him. However, I disagreed with his perspective and began to argue that we held equal value. I used the analogy that he was like the sun and I was like the moon, and that both of us were essential to the functioning of the earth. However, my husband remained stubborn and insisted that the moon was more significant because of its proximity to the earth (I mean, seriously baby lol).

However, this layer of the onion is not the final one. After we ended the call, my husband sent me messages that revealed the deepest part of his onion. He explained to me that he believed I held the upper hand in our relationship due to my youth, intelligence, and physical attractiveness, while he felt vulnerable and insecure due to his age and past negative experiences. Despite his tough exterior, these factors had affected him deeply. When I first heard him say this, I was stunned and upset. I don't know why. Probably I have felt that he was anticipating me to behave similarly to his previous partners. I also felt a sense of helplessness and lack of power. Despite being told that I was powerful, I couldn't help but feel that if I truly possessed such power, I would have been able to heal him of his wounds. But I am unable to do so. I found myself in tears and began to question what I could do to make him feel more secure. Initially, I believed that there were no words that could make him feel secure until we lived together and experienced life together. 

But after calming down, I came to the realization that insecurities are similar to the holes - something we feel is missing within ourselves. And not only does my husband struggle with his insecurities, I sometimes struggle with these feelings as well. To my surprise, despite the fact that I had put in a lot of effort to be in shape, I had never felt really secure in my physique. I worked out extensively, under the impression that all men only value a physically attractive body. I believed that changing my hairstyle was necessary, as I thought my current one was unappealing. But the most significant insecurity for me was feeling like I was difficult to love. I believed that my frequent mood swings and intense emotions would be too much for anyone to handle. However, my husband entered the picture and with his love, patience, and care, he gradually helped me realize that I am an incredible person with a sharp mind, lovely smile, and endearing double chins. I am gradually becoming more comfortable with my own skin and emotions. I am comfortable showing my husband my double chins and big tummy, and being vulnerable enough to cry in front of him. 

As you can see, none of my anxieties are related to my husband in any way, nor do any of his insecurities relate to me in any way. Likewise, none of my husband's insecurities are related to me in any way. Our wounds were caused by our histories and the relationships we had in the past. This is the present. My husband and I are now in the middle of the polishing phase of our jigsaw puzzle, and we still have a long way to go. I am aware that we are unable to mend each other's wounds, but we can hone our tabs so that they may be inserted into the wounds. During the polishing phase, my husband has been sharpening himself for me for a very long time without me sometimes even realizing, he has been utilizing his Tabs to fit in my Holes of insecurity. And I have been sharpening my tabs to fit in his holes as well; nevertheless, in order to address the greatest insecurity that my hubby has, which is not having a settled house, I will need some time to fit in this hole.

I will spend my whole life loving you. Baby, wait for me <3

[woven-in-christ]

A Prayer for When Grief Affects Our Friendships

Grief changed me. It changed everything if I am being honest, including my relationships. But it especially put a strain on some of my friendships. After the loss of my mom, I felt so lost and alone. In time, depression wrapped around me like a smothering blanket, coddling and carelessly “comforting” me. Unfortunately, I sunk into the quick relief it provided, believing it recognized my pain. When we are in our deepest moments of sorrow, we desperately need friends to come alongside us. They offer support and clarity to situations that could lead us down dark paths. However, even the closest of friends may not recognize or understand the depth of our pain, causing more confusion and heartbreak.

The truth is, friends will naturally come in and out of our lives, and while some will be able to withstand and see us through the most difficult seasons in our lives, others will drift away. The death of a loved one has a way of rearranging our lives and oftentimes upsetting some of our friendships. While this can truly be disheartening, we must know when we are in a state of grief, and friends appear distant or silent, God is always drawing near. When we feel alone, disappointed, or even avoided, there are promises and Truths we need to remember and etch in our hearts.

God’s Promises to Remember:

God will strengthen you. (Isaiah 41:10)

God will grant you peace. (Isaiah 26:3)

God will instruct you. (Psalms 32:8)

God will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

God’s Truth to Etch in Your Heart:

God is trustworthy. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God is our safe refuge. (Psalm 46:1)

God offers hope in all circumstances. (Hebrews 12:2)

God’s love for us will never fail. (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Thankfully, our God is Healer and can bring peace and restore wounds acquired in our relationships during a time of grief. Will you hand over the hurt and pain to the Father, and allow Him to cover you in His mercy and grace today?

Let’s pray:

Dear God,

You are a loving Father, and I am ever so grateful for Your kindness and compassion. I come to You today with my heavy heart, in need of Your grace and tender loving care. Grief has taken on a shape that honestly concerns me and is now affecting relationships, especially my friendships. I’m emotionally exhausted and want to connect with my friends, but many days I am striving to put one foot in front of the other. I feel like I am disappointing them with my lack of response, and they are hurting me with their silence and distance.

Deep down, I know friends aren’t necessarily avoiding me because they don’t care, but rather because they possibly believe I need space. They may not even recognize I am hurting or unsure of how to help. I haven’t been the best about telling them how I feel and that I need their support, so in a sense, I am grieving them too. So, Lord, I seek Your guidance, wisdom, and direction. Please help me let go of the expectations I am placing on myself and others, as they are only causing disappointment and mixed-up emotions. Will You please come alongside me and help me see the blind spots I have acquired, so I can extend grace and forgiveness to the friendships that are bringing about confusion? If needed, show me where I need to create space and healthy boundaries in order to heal.

Lord, I am learning grief is a process and comes in waves. I ask You to provide a community around me during this difficult time so I can be reminded of Your promises and Truth when the lies are loud. Provide safe friendships that will be present, offer love and support, and lead me back to You. Help me to also be that friend in return. Thank You for the gift of friendship and connection, as I know You designed us to do life together. Most importantly, thank You, Lord, for being my best friend and loving me through this painful grief. I am so thankful that I can come to You in my mess, hurt, and selfish nature. I hand over all my wounds, knowing I am fully accepted, known, and loved.

I am forever grateful to be Your daughter. Amen.

By Alicia Searl

[harmcityherald]

Well that's the most honest bio I've ever written. I am always devoted to the truth. People may as well judge me coming in the door. And I certainly do mean it when I say ask me anything. I'm devoting what is left of my life to doing real good in the world. At least my bubble of it. Sometimes you're afraid to admit who you are and where you came from. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to be able to even admit it even to yourself. Life is what you make of it. We all have stories of our lives and how we dealt with them. I firmly believe that people should not be afraid to communicate with each other. I do know at this point in time in the world today people are afraid to admit who they are and where they came from. And can someone please explain to me how do I label myself? Former trans? Is there such a thing? Former second generation trans I may add. Of course everybody is more interested in the lured serial killer story. It's someone I never met in my life but who's shadow passed a melancholic doom over my entire family who were very good people and did not deserve the judgment they received from the world because of the misguided actions of one person. I know I must have told the story before here I tell so many but I did have a conversation once outside of a roller derby event with a guy who was related to the young girl that he killed in a convenience store on Maryland's Eastern Shore. Just standing there smoking a cigarette. I Could Have Lied kept my mouth shut and walked away when he told me that but I didn't do that. We had a long conversation about the harm that it did to both of our families. I expressed to him my deepest condolences and apologies but I also know that there are no platitudes to heal such a wound. There is only acceptance and the need to move on in the world. I'm not afraid to talk about it anymore. I'm not afraid to talk about my experiences with transgenderism on many different fronts including my own. And I will tell you one thing, the most substantial change to my mental health and my battle with substance abuse ended when I lost the fear of exposure.

Let me say that phrase again because I use it very often. The fear of exposure.

I guess in a way it's a kind of coming out. And when I finally did that, being unafraid to admit that I battled with transgender feelings and unafraid to admit my great uncle was a dyed in the wool serial killer then I no longer had the fear that my secrets would be revealed and the bones of the skeletons in my closet would come spilling out across the floor to xylophone sounds. Losing that fear was the only thing that led me to the path of sobriety. So I'm also a firm believer that to beat any substance abuse you must first solve the underlying issue that causes the self-destructive Behavior. When I solved mine the alcoholism/addictions fell away like a dried out and crusty cocoon. The pressure inside myself that I was containing all my life like a fusion reaction happening inside of my chest ready to erupt at any moment and always manifesting in the endless blackouts simply winked out of existence. The fear of exposure.

The fear of exposure.

You must divorce it at all costs and the only way to obtain that divorce is the truth. Like the fear Mantra in dune. You must face the truth. You must pass through the truth and then turn around and look behind and what is left is you, standing taller now because you have lost the fear of exposure. You take the power back that fear has taken from you. You can now move forward and the judgments of others can now be of no concern to you. No one can blackmail you. No one will panic when they find out who you really are. No one can control your destiny now. Now you can control your own destiny confident in the fact that no one else's Judgment of you but your own is driving the vehicle. Now you can comfortably talk about what happened in your life and how it affected you and now perhaps you can help someone else who is struggling with their own fear of exposure. I believe that this problem is so prevalent in The Human Condition that it drives a high percentage of the hate and culture War Mania on one level and on another level keeps everyone from being honest with anyone about anything. The reason for pretense is fear. The fear of exposure. Even if it is just the simple fear of being found out as a klutz for a not so tidy person, so many silly reasons. People are afraid to have eye contact with each other in public places, some of that is fear of stranger danger and I do understand that. But I'm still the guy who strikes up a conversation about the Big Bang at 7-Eleven at 6:00 a.m. getting a blueberry coffee and rattling on about how much I love blueberries to someone that I've only known for 3.5 seconds. I guess that's the Smeagol in me.

divorce the fear. embrace the truth.

I am smeagol and I approve of this message.

~ciao

[lyallblacklupin]

Hey. I don't know if you are still taking prompts... but if so, I may have a challenge for you. 😉

Remus has to stay in the hospital wing for longer than usual. Sirius is secretly dating Remus and can't stand being away even though Madame Pomfrey says no visitors.

Thank you for such a cute prompt. I hope I have written just like you wanted. <333 Happy Reading! Stay Magical!

Rating: Teens and Up Audience.

The night was befalling as the walls of Hospital Wing started darkening, and the torches around the room ignited flames automatically with a thud. The room is filled with utter silence of the unoccupied beds with Remus Lupin being an exception, laying exasperatedly awake with bandages wrapped around his left leg. His stomach growled but it was the least he cared about because of the aching on the tips of his fingers and toes as his chest was in a constant state of agitation. He wanted something. No, he was craving for someone. He couldn’t stop his brain from the race of unwanted thoughts.

What if he doesn’t want me anymore?

What if he has realized that I’m not worth dating?

What if he is better off with my absence?

Suddenly, his thoughts came to a halt when his senses heightened with someone’s fastidious and highly familiar presence. Remus didn’t even have to look to recognize because it was none other than Madam Pomfrey. He loved her but not momentarily—infact not from the past five days who had strictly banned any visitors since his and Sirius’ fight. Speaking of, he shut his eyes as the memory enrolled in his mind all over for the hundredth time.

“I could have killed you!”

“But you almost killed yourself!” Yelled the boy who Remus was in love with.

“That is the last thing to be worrying—“ But he was not finished when the boy lunged at him and yanked him by his fists clutching his hospital dress, bringing him eye to eye and nose to nose as he growled, “Don’t you ever fucking say that. If you don’t care a shit about yourself then at least care about me! Us! But you don’t! You don’t care about us! Fuck you, Lupin!”

Remus’ heart was hammering in his chest, the pain of his broken leg was long forgotten. The tears glistened in the boy’s hard eyes. And before he could lift him his hand to hold his jaw, to soften the clenched face, to wipe his hurt away, Madam Pomfrey burst inside with her raging thunder.

“Mr. Black! Hands off this instant! How dare you bully a patient like that!? And within the Hospital Wing!” And he loosened his grasp which left Remus with an empty feeling in his chest. Even if he was being held brutally, he didn’t care because he was held by the foremost person in his life. The person he would never wish to leave.

“He’s my—“ He tried but his voice was a whimper in comparison to Madam Pomfrey’s.

“A week’s detention Mr. Black for scaring my patient like that! None of your friends will ever visit the Hospital Wing! Now off you go before I take away the house points!”

He gave Remus one last look of misery, tears still swimming in his heaven-made silver eyes, and scurried away from the hospital.

Remus numbly watched Pomfrey re-bandage his wounds. He suddenly felt so despondent and lonely after rethinking everything. He had hurt his favorite person in the world. And all that person had done was the care and love him with his deepest sincerity. He also knew that his lycanthropy had always been on his mind that even led him to convince the rest of his friends to become Animagis just to protect Remus from hurting himself. And now Remus had done the very same thing by not allowing his pack to accompany him to the last full moon. His broken leg and severe wounds were the aftermaths of his isolated transformation

He didn’t want to admit that he regretted his decision because deep down inside he had been unbound from the usual fretfulness of hurting his friends. He’d been better off hurting himself than hurt them, especially Sirius Black.

Now, it had been five days and Remus had not seen him. Neither James nor Peter.

“Ma’am?” He didn’t realize he had called her before she looked at him in question while applying the salve on the half-healed wound. He hissed in pain but asked anyway, “When am I getting discharged from this bed and these walls?” The bitterness cut through his voice sharply which made Pomfrey look up in surprise.

“Well, Remus. I expect to call me Poppy instead of Ma’am after five years I’ve been treating you.” Remus suddenly felt hot with embarrassment, “And it will take few more days until your walk starts, and then you’ll be well enough to join your classes and friends.”

The way she spoke, Remus felt like he had centuries to wait. He flopped down on his bed again with disappointment, the hollowness in his chest created a bigger void. A Sirius Black void. He needed it to be filled by that very person. The longing was more than Remus expected, intense enough to cause burning in his eyes as his throat began to constrict gradually, tightening his chest. He held himself until his throat had turned thorny. He let out a shaky breath and tears spilled down his temple, founding their place in his already messy hair. He cried silently. He ached and ached until sleep drifted him away.

Even in his dreams, he saw dark hair rippling like the black sea, shiny grey eyes like silver orbs, and fair skin like snow accompanied with pink flushes on the dips of the body. And then he saw a hand reaching out to him and just as he tried to grasp it, the hand flew away with a burning brush on his arm. The sensation was warm enough to jerk him from his unconsciousness. Remus’ eyes opened up to the same ceilings of the hospital wings. The room was still inky blue. He saw his dinner tray on the nightstand in which the food had gotten cold and dry. He immediately touched his left arm where the same sensation was tingling his skin. Or maybe he just felt it in reality? But no one was there. Remus was alone and cold.

He tried closing his eyes again, feeling no appetite at all, but he sensed a faint noise of rustle. He ignored it before it came back again with a feeling of fingers brushing his arm again. He sat up abruptly, clutching his sheets to his chest. His eyes were scanning the room desperately when—

“Moony?” Remus screamed when he saw Sirius’ head appear in the mid-air. Sirius rush ahead to put his hand on his mouth, “Shh! Please! I don’t want to get more detentions, Moony!”

It was all too much to process; Sirius appearing like a genie with no body—before he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak, and Sirius’ warm and sweaty hand on Remus’ mouth, and most importantly, Sirius was here in front of him after five fucking days. He removed his hand once Remus calmed down.

“Look, Moony, I’m sorry—“ He never got to the end of it because Remus shoved Sirius in his embrace. The embrace that was yearning for Sirius only. He thought he might have thrown away anyone if they had tried hugging him before his boyfriend. Remus squeezed him impossibly closer and tighter. He was clutching him like a lifeline. He had his face nuzzled in Sirius’ chest. His fragile arms were strongly wrapped around Sirius’ torso. He was relishing the scent, the touch, the love, and everything he had missed.

“Fuck, I missed you, Pads.” He grunted in his collarbone, “I was longing for you…”

“I’m here.” Sirius cooed in his ear, pressing a kiss beneath it, “And I’m not going.”

“You’ll have to,” He chuckled, traveling his hands to find Sirius’ and intertwined them both.

“Eventually, yes but don’t ruin the moment, Moony.” Remus was torn between tightening his embrace or pulling away to gaze at Sirius’ face but then he felt the other move away. They parted from their lingering hug, and Sirius delicately held Remus’ face and bent down to kiss him. Remus felt his body was set on fire. They kissed languidly at first until their desires amplified their passion. Sirius dug his knees on the bed while Remus complied by pulling him in his lap. Suddenly, his boyfriend gasped and jerked away.

“Remus! Your leg is broken and—I’m sorry!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s just my calf area. I was not hurt okay?” Remus shushed him, peppering kisses on Sirius’ hands. The other boy nodded but frown still sitting on his face. He sat against him on the bed and Remus didn’t leave his hand. He just wanted them to be touching like an assurance of never parting again. They sat in silence. The flaming torches on the walls had already died out.

“Why did it took you so long?” Remus asked sheepishly, running circles on the outside of Sirius’ palm to make him sure that he was not mad.

“It’s not like I didn’t try,” Sirius spoke softly, “Had to sneak out from James’ hell hound eyes. And the last two days were spent in getting caught by Mrs. Norris. That fucking cat.”

“I love cats, okay? Don’t insult them.” Sirius cocked his eyebrow at him, “Yeah but she is such a pain in the arse.” They giggled. Remus couldn’t avert his eyes from Sirius who was avoiding his gaze, “Last two days, huh? It’s actually been five days. Are you mad at me?”

“Moony, how can I be mad at you?” The gentleness in his voice was powerful enough to cause Remus to feel hot behind his cheeks, “But yes, I admit that I was angry. I thought you didn’t want to see me. I thought that you’d want some space. But then I couldn’t stay away from you for so long. Life has been terrible without you.”

“Life has been terrible without you too, Sirius. I missed you so much. I felt bad the second you left this room. I felt so sorry to hurt you like that—“

“Your pain is my pain, Remus,” Sirius said sternly. His eyes are hard as steel. “You can’t isolate yourself like that. I know you fear hurting us but Moony, can’t you see? You are already hurting us like that. James has been quiet lately and Peter…well, he is just following his pursuit. What I mean is, none of us can see you wounded in hospital for like a week because of us. That we weren’t able to protect you.”

“It’s not your responsibility—“

“It is. You are mine.” Sirius squeezed their already entwined hands. The words were like a gush of affection in Remus’ heart. He was suddenly out of arguments. He smiled at the boy before him who smiled back weakly, “And yes, it’s been only two months since we started dating, but you already feel like my responsibility now.”

Remus arched an eyebrow at his flustered expression, “Wow, that’s quite patriarchal with few amendments since a man is claiming his supremacy on the other man.”

“Wha—you dominate over me all the fucking time!” They broke out in fits of laughter but then immediately clapped their hands on each other’s mouths to keep it down. Funnily, the more they forced themselves to be quiet the more laughter bubbled out of them. Remus suddenly grabbed Sirius by his collar and crashed their lips together. Their giggles were turned muffled until they were silently devouring each other’s mouths. Sirius was now moving from his jawline to his neck, and Remus turned into mush as the warmth began pooling into him. He just wanted to stay like this forever.

Suddenly, they both froze when the sounds of approaching footsteps came from the hall. Sirius lunged down to the floor to grab the invisibility cloak, and suddenly the door swung open.

“Mister Lupin?” McGonagall?

“Professor McGonagall.” Remus’ voice shook.

“I am sorry for barging into the Hospital Wing just like that, but I wanted to ask if Mr. Black might have stopped by here?” Even in the dark room, Remus was able to see the grave creases on her forehead. He gulped and eyed down the floor to found Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

“Umm…No, Professor.” He stammered.

“Well, that lad is one hurricane, isn’t he?” She sighed, “I hope you are recovering well, Remus.” Her voice softened and a hint of a smile passed her face. He nodded and then she was out of the hospital.

After he had made sure that there were no sounds of any footsteps he said, “What did you do now?”

“I came during my detention with McGonagall.” Sirius peeked through the cloak, with his entire body invisible.

“Okay, you look very creepy like that.” He stood, brushing off the dust from his trousers, “Come here, now. I want to relish you till my heart is contented. You are getting more detentions anyway.” He opened his arms for Sirius who fell into them with the goofiest smile on his face.

“You are such a masochist, Moony.”

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hi!

I've been reading your posts about Rosalie because I love her, and I was wondering if or how you would see her healing from her past/becoming more content with her vampirism.

She doesn't seem happy with the Cullens, as you have written about, but I they provide structure and "humanity" for her. However if she didn't have Emmett as a mate/admirer, she may be able to grow and not rely on her looks in regards to her feelings of safety and control.

I would love to know what you think! I admire all your work :)

So, some thoughts on Rosalie and on Rosalie's happiness vs. staying with the Cullens.

And ooof, I think it’s a long road to recovery. Not impossible but... hard, and certainly by Twilight, Rosalie isn’t anywhere close to being there yet. It’s a bit like curing Marcus of depression, it could happen, but there’s reasons we don’t see it in canon.

Where is Rosalie in Canon and What’s Up With the Cullens?

Rosalie’s relationship to the family is complicated but I do think she’s far better off with them than she would be on her own or with another coven.

Rosalie adores her family and does view them as primarily that, a family. She’s specifically close with Carlisle, but even those like Alice she’s fond of though knows Alice isn’t all that fond of her. She has her spats with Edward but ultimately loves him and likely doesn’t realize quite how low his opinion of her really is.

However, Edward disparages her constantly, bringing up things like her rape as insults and humiliating her in front of the entire family for something she’s genuinely struggling with. Emmett notably never stands up for Rosalie, at least, not beyond “Yeah, she’s a bitch, but she’s my bitch.” And even decades later still struggles notably with the trauma of her rape, her murder, and her inhumanity.

However, as you note, the Cullens provide her human life and human structure. This is the closest Rosalie can get to truly being human, the furthest from being a demon, and she lives this life in a seemingly meaningful way for the betterment of mankind. She’s able to pursue opportunities she never could as a human and marries a man, who does love her for all his faults, that she never would have otherwise.

Rosalie, in other words, is functioning.

She could be better and accept herself, what happened to her, and truly move forward. She could also be much worse.

And that’s the trouble, she’s hit this comfortable plateau, to get beyond this she has to want to change and change must be thrust upon her.

And I don’t think Rosalie wants to change.

Rosalie and the Past

Part of Rosalie’s issue is she both clings to and romanticizes the past as well as humanity itself.

What happened to her was awful and I think part of the way she’s coped with it is imagining what might have been. It’s not even that, really, but this pleasant fantasy of the life she could have lived.

Rosalie could have been human. She could have been a human mother, had a child, she could have married a human Emmett and lived a simple, good, life.

When Rosalie talks to Bella about what she’s going to lose, what Rosalie feels so strongly about, she never truly acknowledges that this wasn’t a life Rosalie Hale was going to have.

Rosalie’s parents were social climbers, Rosalie knew that they were using her beauty and her charm to marry her into money. Royce was utterly irresistible to them, though they didn’t know what he truly was. Even had it not been Royce, I imagine Rosalie may very well have ended up with someone similar.

And if she did not, she would almost certainly have been regulated to the role of a rich man’s wife. Her children go to boarding school, she barely sees them, she has tea with ladies but is unable to interact with business or a man’s world.

That idyllic country dream with Emmett: that was never her life.

And that’s what human life is. It’s hard, it’s not fair, and so often we do not get what we want based on arbitrary circumstances we’re born into. Rosalie has painted that away.

I think to heal, Rosalie would have to admit that humanity is not what she thinks it is. It’s not this golden idea. It’s nothing bad either. It just is, it’s a different state of being that, in and of itself, could not guarantee her happiness.

Happiness is for Rosalie to grab, not for humanity to thrust upon her.

Rosalie and Her Loss of Fertility and Identity

Being infertile left a large, traumatizing, mark on Rosalie. Women (still are but especially then) were defined by their ability to bear children. To be barren or to not have children was a mark against you: you have in some manner failed as a woman.

In losing her ability to have children all of this is stripped from Rosalie. She will never be a mother, will forever be something like a girl, and she loses much of her sense of personhood in that.

And this... This might even be harder than coming to terms with her rape. This is painful. Rosalie will have to confront the deepest, most gruesome, hurts within her and take a good long look at them.

She’ll have to let go of both her fantasies, the society she came from and what it expected of her, and the hypothetical child she will never have.

Many people do not get over this and... To be honest, I don’t know how Rosalie would either. It’s not something I see her wanting to face about herself.

Perhaps, in helping to raise Renesmee, this will lessen. Except Renesmee is not her child, looks very much like a mixture of Bella and Edward. And Renesmee is also... Renesmee, she’s a very alien inhuman child who is bound to only become stranger with aid.

Perhaps, in realizing Renesmee is not what she pictured, Rosalie will be able to confront this and let her longing for a child go. She could just as easily cling to it with all of her might.

Rosalie Doesn’t Want to Change

Perhaps the most damning is that Rosalie is comfortable as of canon. She could be better, she could be worse, but she doesn’t seem to want to change. Would she want to be human? Yes. But she can’t, and she’s settled for what she has.

Bella Swan was the biggest catalyst her family has seen in a long time.

Bella forced Rosalie to confront the worst aspects of herself: all those open wounds related to her death, her vampirism, and what she lost.

Bella throws everything Rosalie ever wanted out the window without a care in the world (and somehow gets the child anyway). Bella pursues a man who is anything but human to live this empty shell of a life.

Bella is the thing that should have had Rosalie taking a deep, long, look at herself and realizing what she needs to to get better and move on.

The catalyst was there, the pieces were set, and yet Rosalie doesn’t.

Rosalie doesn’t heal because she does not wish to. Because it’s hard, it’s painful, it’s extremely unpleasant. So she interacts with this woman who is so unlike her, who doesn’t share any values with her at all, but she does not reflect upon herself.

The prime opportunity slips her by.

Okay But How Would She Heal?

I think Bella, in many ways, was her best chance. Bella was the ultimate foil for Rosalie, representing everything Rosalie would not do while still being very human. More, (at least at this point), Rosalie sees Edward and Bella find happiness in each other with inhumanity. Bella doesn’t sacrifice her humanity for this, she gladly trades it away.

And that could have been enough for Rosalie to realize that, perhaps, she is not damned. Perhaps, she too, can find peace and happiness with who and what she is.

Well, that ship sailed.

Her next options are much harder.

The Cullens fall apart or Renesmee leaves on a journey of self discovery.

In the first case, Rosalie’s crutch of humanity is gone, the family is gone. This will be devestating for all involved but especially her. She’ll have to reevaluate her entire life, who she is, and what she wants to do. She could heal from this. She could also become very codependent on Emmett. It could go either way.

As for Renesmee leaving, if this is before the family split, that will be a huge blow to Rosalie. It’s Renesmee as Bella 2.0, rejecting everything Rosalie believes in, the Cullen family and way of life, because it’s not enough for her. Rosalie will have to reflect on her relationship with Renesmee, with the family at large, and with vampirism in search for answers. This will be painful but could be a healing process for her.

But I don’t think the road to Rosalie’s recovery will be a pleasant one. If it was pleasant, she’d be further along than we see her in canon.

[barbariccia]

it’s time to talk about Hydaelyn.

i’ve been sat on this theory for a long time - i’m pretty sure i didn’t come up with the original idea myself, but the more i think about it the more it makes sense to me. i’m not sure HOW it’ll come into play in the story, necessarily, but the new year’s eve poem posted last night has me rubbing my chin even more. so:

Hydaelyn exists under Silvertear Lake and i won’t hear no for an answer.

(please note there'll be spoilers for 5.0.)

we have known since 1.0 that there’s Something Under Silvertear. admittedly, in 1.0 it was likely just Midgardsormr, because the times have been a-changing and while the dev team has done a truly admirable job at building on what lore remained from the 1.X days, they couldn’t and didn’t keep everything intact. i do not at any point consider this a downside, just something worth noting!

the Garleans, headed by Gaius van Baelsar (acting under solus-selch’s orders), after the invasion and successful annexing of Ala Mhigo, pushed into Mor Dhona as the next part of their “invade Eorzea” project as a central location that would make continued pushes into the land easy. not only that, but Mor Dhona is noted as being (and has been since 1.X) the center of aetherial connections in Eorzea, if not the whole world, though Eorzea is particularly topped up with aether compared to other landmasses. Cid Garlond in his 1.X iteration suggests that Mor Dhona is where aether returns to rejoin the Lifestream. Quote:

Cid nan Garlond: All aether would - should pass through Silvertear Lake upon returning to the Land, but it now appears that something is bending the energy's course - drawing it away.

in 1.X, Nael van Darnus was originally drawing Dalamud down to fall on this area, where Castrum Novum (now Castrum Centri in ARR and beyond) was built, until adventurers put a stop to that and the transmitter was relocated to Coerthas, where the Rivenroad was ripped from. I’ll accept it as a happy coincidence - the castra was built in this area, it makes sense for plot events to happen there - but it does strike me as interesting, especially where the parallel between the Garlean’s Meteor Project and the original Meteor from FFVII is concerned. Sephiroth wasn’t just calling down a giant slab of asteroid for shiggles; he was doing it specifically to create a wound in the Planet that would require an immense amount of energy to heal that he could siphon off of and become a god. If XIV’s Meteor had hit (and not hatched like an egg), a similar thing might have happened.

And there’s no better place to call a lot of aether to the fore than somewhere entirely rich in it. Almost like there’s a great being in that area dependent on aether that directs the Lifestream through itself to preserve not only itself, but all life on the planet.

The second the Garleans got too close to the lake, Middy burst out with a whole host of Dravanians and the Battle of Silvertear Skies began (and ended with Dravanian victory at great cost). This sequence from 1.X is notable as being one of those things that has to have been changed from ARR onwards considering what we now know about primal summoning (they weren’t just ‘let loose’ into the world, they’ve been actively taught to certain peoples (though why only ‘now’ and not ‘before, too’ is still up in the air)) - not to mention we know that the Echo started manifesting after the battle, too, almost as though something felt like it was in danger and needed thralls (1) to protect itself - but Middy came out to protect something. He’d been known as the great protector of Silvertear Lake for a very long time, since he first appeared to the source. Quote The Rising Chorus, from patch 2.5:

Minfilia: [...] an unlikely ally came to Eorzea's aid that day─Midgardsormr, legendary guardian of Silvertear Falls, burst forth from beneath the waters of the lake and led a host of dragons against the Garlean airships overhead.

Minfilia:  Midgardsormr was once worshipped as the guardian deity of Silvertear Falls [...]

Minfilia: One of the ancient myths regarding Silvertear Falls states that when the waters came into existence, so too did the great wyrm. Althyk and Nymeia, Brother Time and Sister Fate, decreed that Midgardsormr ever watch over the source, from which all water─and magic─was said to flow.   I wonder... What if this was the covenant of which he spoke, and 'twas not the gods with whom he treated, but Hydaelyn Herself? 

minfy and ourselves can only guess as to the nature of the covenant forged between hydaelyn and midgardsormr. Following the Omega questline, we know that Midgardsormr fled the Dragonstar with his seven eggs to get away from Omega, crossing the vast expanse of space at great cost to his own personal strength. We don’t know at what time Midgardsormr appeared to the Source - whether it was before, during, or after the time of the 13th Reflection being turned into the Void as we know it - but it would have been post-Sundering of the Ancient world, considering he was able to make a pact with Hydaelyn at all (2) (not to mention there’s no dragons on the First; if there were dragons everywhere we’d know they were reflections of the First Brood! i’m still angy there’s no Azdaja and Vrtra. fucking PLEASE squenix i’m DYING for info on them).

(1) this is a good a place as any to mention that in 1.X, Minfilia - then known as Ascilia - witnessed the Battle of Silvertear Falls with her father Warburton and her Echo awoke a few years later. interesting to think that the primal that tempered Ascilia in potential desperation would later scour her clean and use her for its own purposes, though i know this wasn’t intentional from the devs at all as a plot-point.

(2) the nature of Hydaelyn and Zodiark’s battle makes me doubt that there was much time between Her summoning and the Sundering of the world

There’s an interview from 2014/15 with Koji Fox where he notes, quote,"There's a presence [at Silvertear]. It wasn't just Midgardsormr there, it was more of a force[...]". There’s definitely something there that isn’t just the dragons. Something big. It’s Hydaelyn!!! It has to be. (highlights in the excerpt mine.)

My interpretation of this event is that Midgardsormr agreed to protect the physical ‘body’ of Hydaelyn in exchange for the safety of his eggs - the First Brood - which is what he’s been doing for potentially upwards of 10,000 years. The battle at Silvertear is pretty explosive otherwise for what’s effectively a non-event. There might not have been dragons in Gyr Abania, or in Ilsabard, or Othard or anywhere else they’ve been pushing into - but there’s never been any indication of the dragons being particularly territorial. The Dravanians shared their space with proto-Ishgardians back in the day, and their issues with the elezen of the Source was due to some choice eye-vorage, not encroaching on lands like the sahagin and kobolds.

As for Hydaelyn’s physical form - well, it’s known that Zodiark has a physical form which was sealed directly into the moon. The true moon, known to us colloquially as Menphina (3) (is there another name for it? i haven’t seen anything). It stands to reason that Hydaelyn has a physical form as well, then, hidden away somewhere safe, because as we known, primals can be defeated and their essences scattered to return back to the Lifesteam.

(3) Hey, it’s worth noting here that Menphina, the Lover (whose divine stone is parked right where Haurchefant’s grave is) is said to be the younger sister of Azeyma, the Warden! and boy, while we’re thinking about the misremembered names of the Convocation coming back as names of gods in modern day, what significance does that have?

The Antitower: In all of creation, what greater mystery could there be than the fate of this very star? To sound the deepest depths, to study the aetherial sea itself─for these purposes and more was the Antitower built. Abandoned by her Sharlayan caretakers following the exodus, it has since been overrun by the magical guardians they left behind. Yet were one blessed with Her gift to brave these dangers and descend to the furthest reaches─to hear, feel, and think at the heart of this world─what would they find?

(emphasis mine.)

in the cutscenes following the Antitower, we meet Hydaelyn in the aetherial sea, and Her mouthpiece, the Word of the Mother. and by using the Antitower, something specifically Sharlayan-built, no less. I’d be very interested to know if you can reach the aetherial sea from only the Forelands, where that dungeon is, or from anywhere. I’m gonna make a stab at anywhere.

It’s been brought to my attention that in the cutscenes post-Antitower, Hydaelyn mentions in the quest The Word of the Mother (patch 3.2), and Ardbert echoes later in Shadows of the First (patch 3.4) that “across ten and three were [we] then divided, reflections of the source, each possessed of a shard”, which seems to imply that not only the people of the world and Zodiark, but also Hydaelyn Herself was sundered and became weaker in so doing. which is FANTASTICALLY interesting, all things considered! maybe She wasn’t just becoming weak (and finding it harder to take mouthpieces and the like) because of the land’s aether being drained by primals (and other sources).

The just-released (as of time of writing) New Year’s Eve poem makes me think that the “last chapter of this story” might relate back to this in some way.

[EN]

Our progeny may never know Wherefore we look unto the sky Nor why we dig for truth below; We bear their scorn or watch them die.

[FR]

With our mouths closed, we pile stone upon stone, To form a staircase leading to the lands of knowledge, As well as another pointing to the heavens of existence. Our children will remember it, no matter how angry they are.

[GR]

Committed to our silent office We seek wisdom in the deep earth. Put tomorrow in starry hands, Sung by children's lamentations.

[JP]

By staying silent and saying naught, we will not accumulate the crystals(?) (4) To gain knowledge, we climb into the earth, To survive, we climb to into the heavens. Even if our progeny resent us, it is all for their sake.

(4) 石 meaning stone rather than ‘crystals’, 水晶 meaning ‘crystal’ (and used in the JP title of the Crystal Exarch).

*** translations from THIS reddit post and THIS tweet for the EU and JP translations of the poem, respectively.

something something 6.0 is looking more likely to be Sharlayan than anywhere else, something something big tower something something learn stuff from within the earth. c’moooon, i wanna go beat some answers out of crystal mom. walk freeeee indeed.

Getting away from the poems again and back to Stuff On The Source, we can take a look at the First, a much more pristine reflection of the Source due to having no Calamities happen to it ever. The Source (not to be confused with the Source), the equivalent of Silvertear, is being presided over by none other than... Bismarck, a member of the fae (and BOY i’d like to know more about whaleboi in this world!!!!), in exactly the same position Midgardsormr is, presumably protecting something of equal importance. Having said that, I don’t know if by splitting the world, Hydaelyn also split Herself.

Having said that, there’s an environmental anomaly in that area. Fly out to Bismarck’s (5) nose, and then dive under the waves. There’s a crystal formation coming out of the ground that can’t be found anywhere else on the First - there is nothing else similar to this formation - that has patches of light emitting from bits of it. A friend of mine noted that the way it seems to be coming through in only this location is almost cancerous in origin - that is to say, uncontained and Wrong in some manner, more complex than we have words or knowledge of. The only way you can interact with these crystals is in the level 78 mining levequest Crystal Meds, which notes that you can yank salt crystals out of that formation... but it seems a little too suspect to leave as ‘just salt’.

(5) Speaking of Bismarck, from that earlier interview with Koji Fox, he also has this to say, which... what else have you been hiding in plain sight... (highlights again mine.)

Or the Crystarium’s just going around seasoning their meals with primal mama, who knows.

Eep, this post got away from me. Anyway, i’m not really sure what to DO with any of this information. as many of my friends know i’ve been harping on about this for years at this point, and i’m not the best at speculation and guessing accurately where stories end up going - but it feels more right than ever to talk about it now after that poem was release.

hells, maybe they’ll give us another tower. say... a tower of bab-il, to take us to the moon? 6.0 FFIV expansion pretty please??

[moonstarinfinity]

BTS Group Astrology Interpretation

What is BTS's overall vibe? How does their debut influence them as a group, their sound, and how their career as a team will play out? There are a lot of things you can see about a group or business using event astrology, and we're going to explore how BTS's group astrology plays out for them as a whole. Want to see what placements are beneficial? Does their chart indicate fame? How does it influence their music? What potential things could be issues for them as a group? Lets take a look!

(This is long winded, so grab some banana milk and churros and enjoy the ride!)

Chart Pattern

Their chart pattern is called a "Tripod" pattern. This pattern indicates that they like to do their own thing. They are the trailblazers, and are often doing things that have never been done before. They refuse to be boxed in. We can see this in a TON of their music but the song that comes to my mind first is "Idol." They are not afraid to speak their mind and to bravely put their thoughts and feelings out for anyone to see and hear.

Personal Planets

Sun in Gemini - 7th House

Communication, self-expression, curiosity, and adaptability. This placement is STRONG for BTS when it comes to their lyrics and style. They change up their sound and styles frequently as they grow. They are excellent communicators and often times their lyrics are deep, but easy to follow.

They are crafters of the spoken word, and this placement is actually a great one for an artistic group. It allows them to stay current and to be able to understand and gather information about what is going on around them at all times.

Gemini Sun placements are very good at fitting in with the world around them, and in this case the placement is strengthened in the 7th house of relationships and beauty.

Gemini in the 7th house is all about learning how to get to know others better. This plays out in them trying to keep up with their fans and each other, and to really understand and relate to their closest relationships.

You can see this influence in their style, and in the way they try to empower, relate, and connect with people through aesthetics and communication. Take "Dynamite" for example: It was created in an attempt to connect, inspire and uplift people all over the world. It was well thought through, brilliantly created, and extremely successful.

Amongst themselves this placement allows for them to understand each other better. They are all very different people, but they all have an understanding and love for each other regardless, and this energy is part of what makes their bond so close due to it's ability to help them understand and communicate as a whole.

One thing they need to watch out with when it comes to this placement is a restlessness. They struggle to stay still for too long, which is good and bad. When it comes to the 7th house this means that they tend to not focus on one commitment for too long, but it also means that when things seem too stable they may get anxious as a group, which can cause some discord. Thankfully this is also good in the sense that it always helps them to stay relevant, and as long as they are investigating and researching before they make moves, they can use this to their advantage.

Moon in Leo - 8th House

Loyal, proud, adventurous, enthusiastic. This is a really bright and cheerful placement. It's also a placement that LOVES love.

In the 8th house this is a very creative and straightforward placement. They thrive on creating with their emotions, and they likely bring a positive spin to topics like death and rebirth. They often will have a deep understanding of things that are more taboo, and are able to express their views and feelings of these things in a creative and positive light.

As a whole they are very aware of the important people in their lives (ARMY), and it's very easy for them to emotionally attach because their love for their fans and their group is very deep and intense. If anything were to happen to their relationship to their fans or as a group it would be a huge blow.

They need to be able to express things in big, passionate ways. They have a big voice as a group, and it's likely people will try to discourage them and dull their shine and intensity. Think to when Namjoon and Yoongi were both teased and looked down on for being in a kpop group by other rappers. This is the energy they face as a group overall, and it's important to continually express their passion and energy regardless of the people that try to bring them down.

A downside is this placement tends to be pushy and somewhat domineering, so they need to stay patient with each other as a team. They may try to rush themselves into situations, and at times this could make them feel unstable, but again...as long as they are taking calculated risks with their music and contracts then this is a good thing.

Let me also say that this is a very psychic and intuitive placement and people and businesses with this placement are often times healers. They heal through their artistic expression, and they bring those deepest, darkest feelings to a place of comfort for their fans. If you look at all of their music there is a theme. Map of the Soul. That alone is already proof of this placement without including each song, their music videos and concepts, and the way they connect to their fans.

This is a GREAT position for a business because the moon in the 8th is also seen as a position that indicates wealth earned from others.

Ascendant in Sagittarius - 1st House

BTS has an overall energy that exudes exploration and is extremely social. They are relatable and well-respected all over the world. They are open-minded, flexible, and extremely good at adapting to constant change.

Hope. Excitement. Change. Optimism. This is a very good ascendant to have in both a personal and group situation. You can see everything here from adventure, to fame, to being charitable, to expression, to intuition.

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter and in the 1st house they are larger than life. This placement has been, and will continue to be, an amplifier for them. It is a placement that has led to fame, expansion, and notoriety.

This placement helps them be confident in themselves and their music. It's a placement of good luck and success. People are drawn in by the energy of this placement, and it helps BTS explore and understand all types of people, no matter their background.

They exude a colorful, childlike energy as a whole, even when talking about deep concepts and darker parts of the world and psyche. This makes them relatable and even for those that don't understand their lyrics, they can feel a sense of magic when listening to their music. They are funny, playful, hopeful, optimistic, and extremely likable.

This is another placement that has a strong intuition and a connection to spirituality. They often discuss things like the persona, shadow, ego, and the soul. These things are explored and the group as a whole grows and bonds through their own personal journeys and discoveries of who they are.

Generous. They LOVE to donate to causes. They LOVE to do things that better humanity. They are well informed, knowledgeable, and extremely attuned to the things going on in the world, and will sacrifice whatever they can as a group to bring awareness, support, and donations to causes that really need it.

A downside to this placement is a tendency to get bored, so they may have lots of projects that don't get finished or brought to light. They may get restless when they feel like they've been stuck in a situation for too long.

For some they may come off as naive or overly optimistic, and we can see that this was an issue in the beginning for them when they were looked at as just a kpop group, and not as a group that is more serious. Thankfully they have worked hard and proven time and time again that they are much more than just a kpop group.

Personally I don't see many challenges for a Sagittarius rising, and I love this placement. It's beautiful, and I could talk for days about how this placement is a lot of what BTS is known as.

Mercury in Cancer - 8th House

Here we find a place that helps BTS to slow down their high energy. Cancer is all about emotions, intuition, and going with the flow, and is traditionally ruled by the moon. Mercury is all about communication and knowledge, and the 8th house is the house of Scorpio traditionally. A place that is deep and watery.

This is a gentle, calm, and deep placement. They understand emotions, and express in a way that helps people who are in the darkest places feel heard and nurtured.

This placement is a huge one for music. It helps with rhythm, lyrics, and putting emotion into melody. This helps BTS express emotion through their sound, and that's a magnet for them as a musical group. Think poetry through sound and lyrics.

They can get frustrated as a group with "facts only" conversations, and as a whole will always touch on deeper subjects. They likely won't engage with drama or mainstream theatrics. They will likely stick to more personal topics in their music.

This also allows them to present or perform things in a powerful way that lets people know what they think and what they mean without any doubts. They are honest, and expect that honesty back from the world.

They may also need to retreat at times to work on projects or to go through their projects as a team, and all of them have to bring their viewpoints together in order to create the deep, soulful music we know. They likely have a ton of deep conversations amongst themselves about their feelings and emotions.

Ultimately this placement is kind, caring, and loving. BTS uses this placement to help people heal deeper wounds through love and compassion.

Venus in Cancer - 8th House

This placement honestly just triples the love, compassion, intuition, and care BTS has.

It brings a sensitivity and dependable energy to their group, and to their fans. They are protective, patient, and caring when it comes to their group and to ARMY.

This is another romantic placement, and it means they have a DEEP love for BTS as a whole and for their fans. They feel the connection on a deep level, and they place a ton of trust in their fans. (See Jungkook running into a crowd during a concert with zero fear, or how outspoken they are on controversial topics.)

They build a home amongst themselves, and invite their fans in to that home. It's a home built on dreams, intuition, love, compassion, and connection.

Again...spirituality. Literally their chart screams spirituality. This is another placement that focuses on the deep inner workings of being a human, loving ourselves and others, and developing humanity overall. You can see all of these spiritual influences in their music. They even touch on subjects like astrology, intuition, death of the ego, dark night of the soul...the list can go on for a long time.

They need to make sure to appreciate where they are at now, as this placement can make them forget to enjoy the moment. They need to allow themselves to revel in the current success and not chase after the next thing on their list. Celebrate the successes that you have now, because soon this moment will be a memory. Enjoy it while you are in it.

When they are hurt by someone or something they have a tendency to close down, and this would affect them on a more personal level. For example if someone in the group is hurt by a rumor, the entire group will put up a shield and nurture that person. They might withdraw from the public to make sure everyone is safe and cared for until there is no longer a threat. They also might hold grudges as a team against people who wrong them as a group, meaning that they could potentially fuel each other to do this if they aren't careful.

If you've ever noticed that they have a magnetic draw, part of that charm can come from this placement. It makes them naturally appealing and have a social chemistry as a whole that keeps people intrigued and coming back for more. As a group they develop each other and can actually increase each other's attractiveness.

Mars in Gemini - 7th House

Witty and edgy! Mars in Gemini knows how to use their words, and they definitely are not shy about it. This is a high energy placement and when the group is fired up about something expect there to be a lot of explosive communication about it. Think about songs like "Cypher 4" and "Ddaeng" and you can feel this energy.

Fast. This placement is FAST. This seems to be a good thing for BTS as long as they can take the moments to celebrate their successes as they happen. They are always quick to change and adapt. This speed allows them to keep up with trends, other groups, and the world. They just need to make sure all decisions are thought through, and usually this placement really helps them make calculated, smart decisions on the fly.

This placement is really good for BTS in the sense that it's usually a great fit for careers in the media, fashion, and entertainment. Again it's about keeping up with the trends and communication. What is cutting edge? This placement knows.

Usually people with mars in Gemini discharge their powerhouse energy through their hands, so it makes sense that as a group they are constantly making music. They also enjoy doing group puzzles and games together. (See BTS Run.) They have to constantly stay busy or they may get bored or depressed, and this just means that as a group they feel the most success and happiness when they are busy. They need that constant change so they can stay hyped up, and when they are all together their energy levels rise tremendously. This is where some of that chaotic energy comes from.

With Mars in the 7th house they may often times actually thrive in being the leaders, and they tend to have a dominant energy, but for a powerhouse group this is a good thing. They are extremely honest and loyal to their fanbase and they will likely fight anyone who comes for their team or their fans.

They are extremely competitive, and this placement almost always guarantees success. They don't stop until they are finished with a project, and they throw themselves into what they are passionate about as a group.

Jupiter in Gemini - 7th House

Lucky. Successful. Spiritual. Curious. Jupiter rules Sagittarius traditionally and this is actually a really great placement for them. They love to travel and be students of the world. They are constantly exploring in many different ways, and this allows them to bring their knowledge to a platform.

This placement is also very fortunate financially. It brings them wealth, which in the 7th house this can mean that it also brings the group lots of beauty and love.

Long term partnerships and relationships (with each other and their fans, and company) are predicted here. Jupiter is the sign of expansion and in the home of partnerships, relationships, and beauty, this can indicate a very happy, harmonious, long term situation.

I want to mention that their Ascendant is in Sagittarius and that actually affects this placement as well. Sagittarius being ruled by Jupiter means that this placement is actually their chart ruler. That means the effects of their Jupiter can be felt much stronger as a group than some of their weaker placements.

They have an innate ability to make their enemies into their friends, gain the affection and trust of the public, and to turn any partnership into a successful, financially lucrative situation. So this makes lots of people want to work with them and sponsor them. Think LG, FILA, Maplestory, Hyundai, Conway, Baskin Robbins, etc.

This placement personally makes the group very aware of their own energy overall. So they are very in tune with what feels like it's in alignment for them at any given time, and they will do research if they are not sure how they feel. They will usually discuss amongst themselves and really feel out how the whole group feels and thinks about things like partnerships and projects before committing to them.

Legal matters. They win. The 7th house is also the house of legalities and contracts so if at any point any legal matters arise for BTS, they have luck and intelligence on their side x10 because of this placement. They likely will quickly, easily, and successfully deal with any legal stuff that comes their way.

Last, but not least, for this placement: Their fans mean the world to them. Their love and relationship with their fans is amplified because of Jupiter being in the 7th, and you can see their love for their fans runs deep. It hits them very hard that they haven't been able to perform live, or meet their fans in person for a while, more so than a lot of other groups. They feel very deeply for their connection to their fans, and feel extreme amounts of happiness, love, and success when their fans show them love.

Saturn in Scorpio - 11th House

Hard workers first and foremost. Saturn is the planet that rules over hard work, and Scorpio is one of the most intense signs in the zodiac. They take their work very seriously, and they will dive into their work and won't come back up for air until it is finished.

Shadow healers. They use their music to relate to people on a level that makes you feel like you are their best friend. This allows them to really help you open up to yourself and dive into the depths. They can take you on many journeys through your soul and psyche and help you through even the toughest moments.

Saturn here is really fortunate because it means they are meant to reap the full benefit of their hard work. Whatever work they put in they are rewarded tenfold in time. Because they had to put in the work they appreciate the reward a lot more, and generally don't let things like materialism or finances go to their heads. (See Bangtan forgets they are millionaires videos on Youtube.)

Friendship and their relationships with fans are very important to them. They value the friendship that the group has overall, but also externally. They actually gain a ton from their friendships due to this position, which is no surprise. Think about all of their music collaborations, and the fact that their fans are what makes them successful. This Saturn can traditionally make it hard for the person to open up completely, but...that's not necessarily a bad thing for BTS because they are a KPOP group, and need that privacy.

Speaking of privacy:they treasure their privacy, and they are extremely protective over their individual lives away from the group. They tend to have a wound here about trusting others with things like this, and I think rightfully so honestly. Fame can bring good and bad things, and being overly cautious when it comes to who you let inside is important for idol groups.

This placement also nods to a group that refuses to follow trends. They are very unique and want to express that, so they will ignore what everyone else is doing, and follow their own beat. This can lead to them feeling isolated as a group sometimes, which may make them doubt themselves at times, but they ultimately should know that this ability to be themselves is what attracts the greatest things into their lives.

Their biggest shadow fear is the fear of being misunderstood. Mostly because of the point we just went over. They have a fear that they will be so deep or different that people won't understand them and that they will lost interest, or they will never truly understand their messages.

They also may fear that they will lose their passion as a group and things may spin out of their control, or become inconsistent. They want to heal the world and reach as many people as possible, and there's a fear that they won't do this, and at this point that they would lose the status they have and stop being able to change the world through their music.

They need to know that their whole chart is lucky, and as long as they keep following their passions, their spirituality, and their values they will be extremely successful as a group. You're already so many leagues ahead of so many people BTS, so look around right now and know that you are safe and that so many millions of people love and support you.

Transpersonal Planets:

Uranus in Aries - 4th House

A powerful trailblazing placement! This is yet another sign and planet combination that goes their own way and leads the group into uncharted territory with confidence.

Uranus in the 4th house traditionally makes them feel like they are outcasts or outsiders. That they don't necessarily fit in or have a "home." Aries being here drives them to create a home of their own. This is why they make every person feel included and safe with them.

They also will find that this aspect makes them feel at home with each other as a team of people who may feel like they don't fit in with "normal" society, but they feel like they fit in with each other.

As a whole they will encourage each other to rebel against society, norms, and traditions. They will all feel like a fire is lit beneath them when they are working together. A passion and bravery will exude from them as a whole.

This will give them a craving for freedom (which goes hand in hand with their Sagittarius Ascendant) and a desire to be independent. They will find that this placement develops a safety and stability within their group, and this is what gives them a strong foundation. They may at times come off as cliquey but they are far from it. They just really like to do their own thing, and are confident in the foundation they continually build together as a team.

Normally this placement can indicate hardships with family, but because it's a group chart reading this is saying that they come from all different backgrounds, and atmospheres, and they find a way to make anywhere their home as long as they are together. At times they can be dependent on each other, but this bond is what gives them stability in their endeavors as a team.

They are all inclusive, meaning that their love (ARMY, music, each other) doesn't judge, and it accepts everything. They are not superficial, and they like to think of themselves as a safe place for anyone and everyone to land.

Neptune in Pisces - 3rd House

Led by their intuition and thinking processes, they will look within their group and themselves to move forward.

I know this is sounding like a broken record but: SPIRITUALITY. I can't say it enough. They like to know the ins and outs of the deepest parts of life. They like to develop themselves on an individual level, as well as in their group. They then like to share this journey through music and art as true Neptune in Pisces placements often do.

It's another placement that gives them a leg up when it comes to communication as well. They have a way of using metaphors, art, sound, lyrics, and emotion to explain and teach things on a global scale. It's one of the reasons they are so popular globally, and relate to almost anyone they come across.

This placement has a power struggle early on between the mind and intuition. Generally there's a lack of knowledge on how to express, but over time as the mind and creativity flow together, it becomes a powerful placement. We can actually see this in BTS in the way that early on their music was influenced more by others, and now they are the ones who are creating their music exclusively from within themselves.

Eccentric, different, funny, and sociable. This placement creates a very forward-thinking group that loves the unusual and thrives from doing things in their own ways. It's given a very energetic and humorous spin because of the fact that the ascendant is in Sagittarius, and the overall energy of their chart allows for the group to have a massive amount of freedom, passion, and drive.

Pluto in Capricorn - 2nd House

I laugh at this placement because this can lead to a tendency to be very frugal with money, but can lead to holding onto things too tightly. So for instance: If your phone breaks, you tape it back together instead of buying a new phone. It's not that you can't afford one, it's that you don't value buying a new phone, and would rather save the money for something better. Plus you like that phone, and it still works, so why not?

This is a very logical and practical placement, and the goal of this placement is to teach the group what is really valuable, and in doing so they can translate that to the world. It causes them to develop as a team in the realm of stability and finances.

They are incredibly gifted at following their intuition as a group when it comes to what they spend money on, how their tours are organized, what businesses to partner up with, and how much to invest into their projects financially. They just understand and know the ins and outs of what is the best deal and what can bring them the most success.

They likely have struggled as a team with the pull of money versus stability from within. They have to continually understand that their group is stable and abundant just because of who they are, and that it's not all about how much you can earn or how successful you are. This will help alleviate the fear that all can be lost at any moment by helping them understand that they could lose these things, but that they won't lose their stability in each other.

The lesson is to let go a little. They need to follow their intuition, and it's okay if they are a little possessive over their team, their fans, and their success, but they also need to be okay with letting things come and go. They seem to already work through this challenge really well, and thankfully their other placements make it a lot easier to not get stuck holding onto everything. See the song "Let Go."

Aspects:

Scorpio North Node - 12th House

Their purpose as a group is literally to show the transformation process (death and rebirth, spirituality) through art and music.

Their challenges are to embrace the unknown and to teach others how to do the same while understanding and accepting their emotions and themselves for who they really are.

It's all about embracing change and emotions for what they are and flowing through them. You will find that most of their music is about this very thing. Love yourself. Map of the soul. It's all about transforming yourself by working through your shadows and wounds.

Song recommendations if you want examples: Butterfly, Interlude: Shadow, Persona, Ego, Black Swan, Mikrokrosmos, Magic shop....I could just say their entire catalog really.

The goal is to change the world by helping people step out of their comfort zones, follow their passions, and love themselves. If that isn't beautiful, I don't know what is. If you find yourself drawn to BTS, don't be surprised if you are also drawn to spirituality, self-love, and massive personal transformation.

Pisces Chiron - 3rd House

When I do group Chiron placements they are read as how the group helps their fans, each other, and potentially the world heal.

In this case they help each other and the world believe in the universe again. That there is good in the world, and that we are all part of one big beautiful consciousness. (Not to get all spiritual on you.)

People who feel like the universe has dealt them a bad hand, beaten down by the world, discouraged with life, will come to BTS for healing. When you listen to their music and connect to them as a group it creates a sense of oneness. They teach others that they are important, they do have a place in this world, and that they belong. Your differences are what makes you who you are, and they are here to help you see that, accept it, and embrace it.

They will help you see that even in the darkest times there is always light. There is always hope, and you are ultimately in control of your life. They teach that the universe co-creates with you.

This placement helps them to open people up when they've shut down. To nurture people back to believing in the good again. They do this through communication and connection. They help people to face their wounds and to transform from them instead of running away from them. Then once they've faced them, they teach you how to voice your thoughts, your passions, your emotions.

Chiron in Pisces helps them to understand and actually feel other people's emotions and pain, so as a group they need to make sure they take the time to recharge after long tours or giving their energy to people. They can easily take on other people's emotions as their own, but this is also what helps them heal others.

The 3rd house Chiron placement also helps them teach others to find a balance between logic and intuition. Practicality and spirituality. Light and dark. A place where you can have both instead of leaning into one or the other.

Speak your truth. Be yourself. Feel your feelings. Love yourself. "Speak yourself."

Midheaven (MC) - Virgo

This makes so much sense it hurts me. Virgo Midheaven is all about having the ability to look inside yourself and bring what you find out in the open to teach others. They are destined for a career that allows them to better themselves (which they all do) as well as the world around them.

They use language as a healing tool, and are suited to a career that allows them to express their knowledge that they've gained from deep introspection. They are direct, but nurturing. They often bring a grounding energy into their career.

They strive for perfection and organization, which for a group placement makes a ton of sense, considering this is for their career.

This also indicates an importance when it comes to coworkers and teamwork, which is yet another reason they all work so well together.

They have great attention to detail, and we can see this in how much work they put into getting each part of their music to be just right. It's a great placement for working on masterpieces.

There is a tendency to be overly critical of their work as a group, but again...they need to recognize their accomplishments and their success in the moment and this will help curb that. Plus a little self-criticism can be a push forward if it's constructive.

Hopefully this gives you some insight into who BTS is and how they interact with each other, their fans, and the world around them. At some point I would love to expand even further on their placements because they exude such a warm and supportive energy.

Here's their chart for anyone who is interested. More on their aspects to come at a later time!

Stan BTS, and stream "Butter" on all platforms!

[astrojoong]

Seonghwa’s Birth Chart

☉ sun in ♈︎ aries  

aries is the child of the zodiac so honestly its no surprise that this is his first life

he’s just so full of wonder and excitement its truly lovely to see

so excited about learning and exploring the world around him

second decanate so his subruler is the sun

aries with a touch of leo flair

the sun subruler adds in just a touch more dignity and pride to aries

reigns in a bit more of aries’ impulsiveness and recklessness 

instead it adds to his hunger to succeed

it also really brings out his showmanship and ability to perform

when he performs he is able to show both raw aggression and passion while also maintaining poise and grace

holds an intense drive which can sometimes be to his own detriment 

has the potential to push himself too hard, and put too much pressure on himself

can have little to no patience or attention span, needs things to be constantly moving and changing, with new challenges arising or else he’ll become bored and dissatisfied 

☽ moon in ♋︎ cancer

(ayyy i have a cancer moon too) 

basically... a whole Mom

ok so the moon is at home in cancer

she’s right where she wants to be so that just means that she is That much more powerful

cancer is a feminine sign and she adds a very soft dimension to his aries sun

cancer is the middle child of the water signs, which means it can either take on a more parental role or a more childlike role-it has the versatility that the youngest and eldest signs lack (same goes for all middle signs)

in Hwa you can definitely see that its taken on the parental role

he is very in touch with his feelings and the feelings of those around him

super intuitive and really just a whole ass caretaker

so incredibly loyal and sensitive and protective

on the flip side this may also make him prone to nagging if he’s not careful, and it likes to team up with his aries sun and make him WAY too hard on himself

can be Incredibly self critical and have the potential to get stuck in ‘moods’ which can bring down everyone else around them (there are actually four fucking cancer moons in ateez idk how they survive if one- or god forbid- multiple of them get moody, my dad and I are both cancer moons and we engage in something I like to call vibe warfare in which we accidentally throw off the Entire balance of the household if one of us is feeling moderately shitty or In Our Feels)

☿ mercury in ♈︎ aries

mercury is pretty happy in aries so theres a lot of benefits to this placement

a wonderful conversationalist

there's that underlying fierceness that aries brings

witty, outspoken, and very original

very jovial in his speech, good at joking around

also very good at arguing.

watch tf if you get on his bad side he can go OFF

very lucky person

normally doesn’t put a Whole lot of thought or planning into decisions but they usually just work out for him

♀ venus in ♒︎ aquarius

maybe not the best at expressing love

I think his cancer moon is a bit at odds with this placement, he feels  all these emotions and can seem like he’s great at expressing them, but he’s really only showing surface emotions

I think he is very good at hiding his true feelings, even if he doesn’t mean to, he keeps certain things very close to his chest

very magnanimous, a great socialite  

personal freedom is very important

people with this sign are a little notorious for not wanting to be tied down, maybe having some commitment issues, we haven’t seen Hwa in a relationship so who knows

did I say freedom was important because freedom is Super important

really is able to satisfy his urges to travel and experience exciting new cultures and situations through his career. He honestly seems super well suited for the industry.

♂ mars in ♈︎ aries

ok mars is at home in aries so you know shit is abt to get INTENSE

much like how his cancer moon makes all his feelings super strong

this is all abt aggression 

essentially if Win by Ateez was a placement

an absolute force of nature

definitely some major self confidence coming through here

very courageous and honest, but potentially a little blunt, especially if he’s worked up

that's when he starts to lose his filter a bit

the good thing is, he doesn’t seem to let his anger build up or fester, he deals with it when it happens

this is also the ✨sexy✨ sign so lets just say he is very Active and... depending on where his houses lie, it could definitely point to him being more assertive in the bedroom. 

♃ jupiter in ♓︎ pisces

Jupiter is essentially the planet that tells you what you should do with your life

I am not surprised he’s in music 

pisces is like Known as the soulful, artistic sign, so the fact that he found his way into a career where he can play to his aries need for passion and power while also expressing himself and his emotions in a creative fashion, and in a way to help others? fucking incredible. 

He has a healing ability to him

Just being around him makes others more at peace

Very interested in/talented in emotional healing

♄ saturn in ♈︎ aries

jfc final aries 

its like his chart is just Oops! All Aries

if Jupiter is the planet of good luck, saturn is the planet of bad luck

saturn is what stands in the way

its not too bad though

it just means that he will have a lot of obstacles that he must continuously fight against in his journey to success

but good news! while it may seem like they’re never-ending, the difficulties begin to let up as he gets older and gains more experience

saturn in aries means he’s ambitious and determined

it may place these obstacles in front of him, but it also gives him the strength to persevere 

♅ uranus in ♒︎ aquarius

ok from here on out, up until chiron, its more generational so I’ll touch on uranus, neptune and pluto in my overall ateez analysis since they all share those signs

♆ neptune in ♒︎ aquarius

♇ pluto in ♐︎ sagittarius

⚷ chiron in ♏︎ scorpio

chiron tells us what our biggest wound is

Seonghwa’s has to do with his self worth and emotions

scorpio is a very intense sign, it doesn’t half ass anything, pain or pleasure

he will go through or will have already gone through something that will be catastrophic to who he is as a person. 

it will/has cause(d) a great deal of emotional pain 

in his life he has to learn how to love and accept himself, how to control his emotions and how to make peace. 

the lesson that must be learned is one of renewal and transformation, of endings and beginnings

⚸ lilith in ♎︎ libra

lilith is meant to represent our innermost psyche

primal urges and base desires

it also shows our fears

Seonghwa’s deepest fear seems to be one of rejection

he needs to find a balance in his life, learn healthy boundaries

he’s very susceptible to other’s opinions and influences 

I feel like it may not be as much of a problem because he has so many other fortunate signs to counteract this but it could be an issue if he isn’t careful

[forgivingfires]

You make me want to write in first person again.

I am at a loss.

For 30 years I have walked

with a sureness, an architecture

of this desolate wasteland

carrying a flickered out lightbulb —

my heart.

This city of steel and cracked sidewalks

broken needles and alley cat hisses

crumbling of an abandoned building

and vomit from drunks outside the bar

a city’s appeal glisten underneath street light

ascribing shameless guiltless pleasure

but when it rains, it all seems so romantic.

How the clouds open themselves up

a warm downpour from a sunsets gaze

bleeding yellows and pinks amid the fog,

and it looks a little bit like the sun

falling in love with the night —

I could learn something about the art of opening up.

Love is a language I am foreign to.

All I can taste is crimson shades of abuse.

It’s bitter. Sour. Lemon. Without the aid.

I grow lemon trees on my tongue.

It dilutes the blood, always stings.

But still healing. In its own way.

You taste me, first glimpse

a siren, so seemingly sexy

submission, soft starlight

seasoned sunset,

and your night sky is beautiful.

No time for plight, shyness or coy,

simply bend over, take, swallow everything

do not back down, do not hesitate,

just taste. More. Swallow whole.

The rush of my body accelerates along you.

The wind is taken out of me,

I close the door, and catch my breath.

I don’t know how we would’ve even met without todays technology.

Maybe that’s why people think they are always

looking for “the one” —

never satisfied. A sad forever wanting.

I don’t want that. I don’t think the grander scheme

of life planned all these meetings

never differentiating the difference

between wantings and warnings.

But when I talk to you, it seems as if

all of it was only so I could

somehow stumble on the path

of getting to know you.

I stutter on my thoughts

because you showed me neurodiversity

how the clouds opened up into

a resemblance of something brand new.

My eyes hold wonder once more, somehow

amongst the desolation of ruin and rebuilt.

The art of opening up is a new dialect

between the places I call unknown and bewilder.

I want to take residency in the village of your strong arms

collapse into the tenderness of towering adoration

bear witness to how your voice speaks honey

and maybe, just maybe

you’ll excuse this sour tongue of mine

as all I have ever grown from the roots of my being

are lemon trees, always sour and stinging the wounds

of my life, but still slowly healing. I have closed off

most doors to the cottage on a lakefront

where the deepest part of my heart resides

but you are showing me an open window

I’ve never noticed — some days may have felt a breeze

but mistook it as fleeting joy always escaping me

through the cracks in the walls I could never break down

but somehow, and maybe

just maybe you could bring me to a home

I never knew existed.

The comfortableness of loveless lingers

like a sad song, a scratched vinyl

only repeating at the moments where

it reminds me, that love burns

and people like me can’t do anything right but yearn

never expecting a dawn to sun kiss us on the cheek

never expecting to harvest

a blood moon from a just God

neglected from my absence —

star crossed closed caskets

only real lovers know that sometimes

it’s a feast only to prepare you for the fast.

But this time

I will no longer suckle the bone, crave marrow

in hopes to keeping what remains dead, alive.

No revival for the wicked.

No translation for any previous false messiah.

Because you might be able to teach the foreign language translating love

so for all the fires I mistook for a twin flame

I thank you for the burns because

I should learn to not touch the fire twice

but I’m thinking that maybe, that maybe I might

cause maybe, maybe

this newfound loss will become a familiar finding.

This foreign language may feel like home

and I want a coming of home to be with you

if you let me, love me, trust me

then maybe, maybe I will …

I will end this with an unsureness

because if I keep writing

I fear of opening myself up to the point

of bleeding myself out

and I know I don’t really know you,

and I know you claimed first impression as toxic

but don’t you see that beyond first glances

everybody’s got a story that can break your heart

and I know it’s not your problem,

but sometimes the world and people

need someone to make it their problem

because it’s too tough of a world

a loveless land in greed and machinery

so maybe we need that difference

for someone who matters to you.

I hope I matter just enough,

as I place this tourniquet in between

the place of my tongue and a lemon tree’s root.

Then maybe, just maybe

all you’ll have to do is hold me

and you’ll see just how sweet I can be

how we can churn

lemons into lemonade.