#'I'm ridiculously handsome and have secret angst'

[thestoryofusstan]

I'm Shining Like Fireworks

pairing: harry styles x fay!reader

summary: amidst a fay hunt in your village, you fled to a different town far away. a human town. wanting to keep your identity a secret, you allow the townspeople to name you angelina. you're doing fine in the town until a mysterious man appears for unknown reasons. harry. and you don't trust him one bit.

warnings: cursing, violence, a religion similar to christianity gets bashed (not actual christianity though), magic (duh), angst, slowburn, some triggering topics such as abuse, murder, and sa.

—

angelina is what everyone called her, for no one knew her real name, and no one bothered to ask. she never bothered to correct anyone, either. she liked angelina. it was safer than her real name.

everyone knew something wasn’t quite right with her, but they all loved her nonetheless. working at a flower shop, most townspeople had to interact with her anyway.

she did, however, bring a certain joy to diveil they were lacking before she arrived.

she’d been but a child when she came, barely fourteen and always wearing whimsical dresses that floated through the air when she twirled around. now, she was nearly nineteen. a full-grown adult, and that same.. air.

almost magical.

although, that was ridiculous. magic was banned and anyone even thought to be magic was hung.

but what the townspeople didn’t know couldn’t hurt them.

—

angelina danced around her home above the flower shop, humming to herself.

“angelina! did you hear?”

the door was thrown open, and aven came through the door, taking her hood off and untying her cloak. she haphazardly threw it over a chair.

“hear what?”

“there’s a new person in town. a boy.”

a boy, meaning he was younger than them.

she didn’t quite consider aven a friend, but she was most certainly not an enemy or threat. she was simply someone who needed a person with whom she could gossip with.

angelina never minded hearing the odd rumors she’d come up with.

“oh, really?”

“yes. and he is very handsome. his name is harry—“

“and.. how old is this.. boy?”

“mother says he’s twenty-four. perfect suitor age!”

she laughed, “just because he’s suitor age doesn’t mean he wants to be a suitor, aven.”

“you’re no fun.”

—

there’s a certain joy angelina gets from the flower shop. she’d enjoy if she could have it in the market square more, in the sunlight all day. but she settles for her shop that is more window than wall.

her dress today was slightly darker than a sky blue. she smiled as it twirled with her as she hummed and picked flowers into a basket. she already had a few tucked into her hair, pinning it into a half up-do.

she stopped when she spotted a man, looking very put together, standing in the doorway.

he was in a purple, a dark one. townspeople were not permitted to wear dark purple, usually. it was a royal color. (although she wasn’t sure if it wasn’t allowed or people just didn’t wear it).

nevertheless, she quickly grabbed the hems of her dress and did a small curtsy.

“sorry, sir. i didn’t notice you slip in!” she chirped, floating over to the counter and setting her basket down. “how may i help you?”

“i’d like a boquet, please.”

he was british, she noted. and he was rather handsome. however, he was human. and she didn’t trust humans.. aside from aven. although, that was more so that she didn’t look odd with not conversing with anyone.

“of course.. did you have an arrangement in mind?”

a shake of his head.

“that’s alright, i can throw something together!”

more like magic something together.

“can i get a name?”

“harry.”

she smiled. he was the new guy in town.

“what’s that smile for?”

“you’re the town enigma, mr. harry. taken most the attention off me, so.. thank you.”

“you’ve been here a few years, though, no?”

“almost five,” she nodded.

“and yet no one knows your name.”

“angelina,” she supplied.

“that’s what they named you. i meant your birth name.”

he said it in a way that suggested he knew something. something more than she was willing to let on.

“anyway. i’ll leave you with that. when will my flowers be done by?”

she snapped out of her daze, “tomorrow morning, sir.”

“rather fast, isn’t it?”

she shrugged, “i’m a hard worker.”

magic, but he doesn’t need to know that.

he studies her for a moment longer before smirking and nodding, “i’d expect nothing less. i’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

—

she did not trust this harry person. she knew how to sense a hunter, and he was.. not quite one, but he also wasn’t.. not one.

he was in dangerous middle ground. she didn’t like it.

and so, in order to keep her identity a secret, she arranged the flowers herself. using magic was too dangerous. if he were a hunter as she suspected, he’d be able to detect it, and she’d be killed.

and like promised, bright and early the next morning, he was there.

she was ready for him, a black dress on as she did her ‘finishing touches’ (tying a bow on it over and over to keep herself busy), when he entered the shop.

the door creaked open, and she looked over with a smile.

“your flowers, mr. harry.”

“thank you, ms. angelina.”

he said her name in a way that made her slightly uneasy.

“why do you let them call you angelina, if it is not your name? you’d think you’d want to honor the person who picked your name.”

“i believe that if someone desires to call you a name they believe fits, then it is your name.”

and it wasn’t a lie at all. if the people thought her an angelina, she was angelina.

“an interesting perspective,” he commented.

“i suppose i’m full of them.”

he gave her a quizzical look, studying her for a moment.

“thank you for the flowers, ms. angel.”

“angel?”

“angelina,” he smirked, and left the shop.

—

that night, harry visited the tavern, “what do you know of angelina?”

“not much,” the man replied. he was older, maybe forty? he wasn’t horrible company, though. “she just showed up a few years ago, with her songs and flowers and.. stories and ideals.”

“what do you mean?”

“at least once a week, she’ll hop up on that well in town square and tell stories to the children. she’ll sing, sometimes. some of the women don’t like it. claim she’s hypnotizing them.”

“that’s a bold claim,” harry’s brows raise.

he’d have to catch one of her stories or songs soon.

“yes, well.. people are nothing if not judgmental creatures.”

he was more right than he’d ever know. “i suppose that may be the case.”

“anyway, she’s nice. doesn’t talk to anyone. not much, at least. nobody knew her name when she got here, she wouldn’t say it. said this funny phrase anytime someone asked.”

“what was it?”

“oh, it was so long ago.. i think it was.. ‘a name defines who a person is. if you can determine what kind of person one is, their name will come to you’.”

this man just gave him more information than he’d hoped.

“odd, isn’t it? tripped me up for weeks.”

he smirked, “odd, indeed.”

“we just called her angelina after a while. i forget who even started it. she never corrected us, so i suppose that’s her name.. or she’s too kind to correct us. she’s a nice enough girl, real polite.”

“yes, i got flowers from her. although, something was.. off.”

“yes. there is something off about her, but she gives the town a little bit of life. i don’t know much about her. aven would know more than anyone, i’d bet.”

“aven?”

“angelina’s friend.. about the only person in town she talks to for more than five minutes.”

“and… where would i find aven?”

“oh, i’d stay far away from aven. she’s nothing but trouble. she’ll corrupt poor angelina if she keeps it up.”

“what has she done?”

“wild girl, that one. does whatever she pleases, doesn’t care about the consequences. her and angelina had a disagreement once. aven lost it and cried witch. no one believed her, of course, because they’d seen the fight. aven was mad a boy had taken interest in angelina as opposed to her. angelina never cared for the boy, but aven was upset. the next day, she dropped it. they were back to friends.”

“huh..”

—

harry wasn’t sure what to make of this all so far.

angelina had a magical air about her. everything about her was like it was intertwined deeply with the magic he was sure flowed through her veins. she was magic.

she’d shown up when she was fourteen, nobody knew from where. just that it was ‘far, far away. a different world from yours, almost’ (her words), never told anyone her name, and her only friend accused her of witchcraft, and then mysterious dropped it.

something wasn’t right here.

—

a/n: i am so excited for this series!!! if you’re confused, din’t worry, it’ll all make sense eventually you’re supposed to be confused lol

[thinking-about-writing-mm]

Chapter 8

Title: Those Evil Ways

Pairing: OT7 x Y/N (female reader)

Genre: supernatural au, medical, fluff, angst, smut, war

Word count: 5 230

Characters: (Demons!BTS) Namjoon/Corson, Jin/Agares, Yoongi/Baal, Hoseok/Alastor, Jimin/Aamon, Jungkook/Mammon, Taehyung/Gaap, human reader (with special abilities later in the story)

Warnings: angst, short mentions of war and tactics, cursing, mentions of cigarettes, mentions of intercourse from a previous chapter, arguing – if I have missed something please send a pigeon 😅❤️

Summary: Y/N is a third-year medical student going through life like others do. On one unfortunate night she gets in unexpected contact with otherworldly beings who drag her into their world of violence, war and fight for power.

Author's notes: TAGLIST OPEN. I know it's been more than three months since my last update. Excuse me, I'm sorry 😅😅 It's been so stressful to do the final test and prepare for the exam session. I'm in the middle of doing the final exams for the year so after a month and a half, I will try to update more often when the summer vacation starts. Please bear with me for a while longer. Love you! Feel free to send me an ask

Enjoy!

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The simple question “Should I do it?” was tormenting Jin. On one side stood the desire to protect his men and fellow brothers in arms and on the other - the unhealthy possessiveness and dismorphed love for Y/N drove him to insanity. Agares wondered if he could have both. He also asked himself if the intel he would get from Asmodeus was trustworthy enough to trade away his secrets. There was only one way out of this…

Lie.

Do it as convincingly as possible. Mask his thoughts as subtly as the demon could do it and lie.

“Let’s see how far we can go.”

“I guess it’s way more important for me to protect the legions. I cannot afford to kill the troops because of a woman who I’m not even sure can help me.”

Christopher smiled sideways. His face was so handsome and the corners of his eyes scrunched cutely. “I knew you’re a reasonable man.”

The silence that followed was for Jin to clear his mind and weigh the things that were going to come out of his mouth. Here goes nothing.

“You know I’m in a difficult situation those past few months. The war is draining me and my men. So I did what I could and decided to take the actions needed for me to succeed.” The spy was listening carefully with a flat expression. “I gathered that there was a woman in our world with powers great enough to help me win this ridiculous war. I didn't know how to find her, nor where she was. I've heard only legends. Then one day a few weeks ago this girl stumbled here unexpectedly. Turns out, keep in mind this was Y/N, that the woman was some kind of a long disowned princess. During her years of wandering she learned medicine. Her skills are quite impressive by the way." Jin smiled at Christopher. It was getting easier to lie and believe the story the more he told it. "Maybe the stories are true. Y/N seems extraordinary. Her aura and presence is quite impressive. You should see how the people around her behave once she steps on the scene. If it turns out to be her - the one with special abilities it will be more than perfect. We will be able to utilize her. The need for the girl is great. The war will end in our favor and then…" Agares inhaled with a wishful expression. "I want them to see me and recognize my capabilities.” Jin got quiet after saying that. There was more truth in his words than he even realized.

The other demon was expecting more to come but it didn’t. He stood there expectantly, fingers crossed under his chin. “So what? I didn’t think you were that desperate for the Kings to start liking you again” Asmodeus laughed mockingly. He began doubting Agares’ words almost immediately.

“I’m not doing all of that so they can praise me. I do it because I deserve a better position, recognition and a higher status” he retorted. Was it even worth it to build another string of lies for this ass? Jin was getting more and more irritated.

“So petty and greedy” Christopher laughed again.

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t know you are with the moral police” Jin bit back and his black eyes rolled back. “The question is why do you care about my plans and motives? Another thing is who sent you here and the last one - why the hell do you wanna know about her?”

Yoongi stood completely still and quiet in the next room listening to the two men. He hoped that the conversation won’t go sideways because of Jin’s temper. If he played his cards right they would finally be able to know who was after them and why.

“Too soon don’t you think?” Christopher tilted his head to the side. “You gave me nothing and expect everything from me in return. Not fair.”

“Excuse me?”

“What do you know about her? Where does she come from?”

“Our world I told you.” So much annoyance was laced in Agares’ words but that didn’t sway the spy for even a second.

“Sure about that? Because it seems to me that she could actually be from further away or-”

“You know well enough that magic and otherworldly abilities can be found not only here” Jin noted, adopting a stern look.

“Yes I know but still this seems way too suspicious. Don’t you think she can turn out to be some mighty being that will destroy everyone around her and ruin your plan?” Asmodeus continued prying into Jin’s mind. With all those questions he searched for some picture or a scene in his head revealing things that were well hidden. Nothing. Everything the Master said was playing exactly the same in his mind.

“How many lame questions are you going to ask?” Jin snorted. “You sound exactly like Noir. He gets on my nerves usually and so do you.”

The spy leaned in the armchair. “You sound calmer than before. You’ve changed and yet you’re the same.” Why was that said exactly for? Agares’ expression became that of pure confusion. Excuse me?

“Uhm…” he laughed awkwardly “maybe the war has rendered me retarded but I’m at a loss here. Why did you come here? To talk about my character or share intel? We’re not besties or something of the sorts.”

Christopher sighed. Here we go again. “Forget it. Every time I start to think that I can actually talk with you, you prove me wrong.” The demon ran a hand through his hair in a defeated manor. “Let’s get done with this. I see you don’t know much about her which is a shame. I thought there’s something going on behind the scenes, some venomous plot against the Kings or the Ministry. Apparently not…” Asmoseus’ eyes narrowed in Jin’s direction, still trying the demon. “I think it’s best if you find more information about the woman. You remember the Spark?”

Keep it down. Clean…

“What? The Spark? They’re all dead” Jin stated as matter-of-factly. “Decades ago.”

Christopher shook his head. “Apparently not.” The demon straightened up and leaned over, placing his hands on his knees, ready to share his knowledge. The spy trusted almost no one but he and Agares went way back. They hated each other but also the spy had some weird brotherly feeling in the pit of his stomach towards him. If you ask the man he would never be able to explain it… His training and readiness to die rather than share whatever he knew, were gone the moment he heard the wrong statement about the faith of this legendary nation. He had to enlighten his brother…

“I talked with a lot of people the past few years while I was on missions. Many of them unwillingly shared with me that there are only a few left of them still alive. Some in the human world, some in our world but well hidden and protected. Their powers are very dangerous if not controlled…”

Jin frowned. Ridiculous… “So you want to tell me that this useless girl, who fell the other day in the bath and almost broke her ankle could be one of them?” The Master laughed theatrically. “Not possible.”

The spy felt offended. “We’ll see about that.”

Silence followed. Agares called for the servants to pour them a glass of liquor. “Look, I told you whatever you wanted to know. Now I don’t care much about your suspicions about her. I want you to tell me about my men.”

“Boring” at those words Jin sent a death glare the spy’s way. “Okay, okay. You know the two inns, facing each other that’re next to the crossroad with the six paths?” The other demon nodded. “So the Queen sent a considerable number of her whores there long ago. Those women roam the streets in that region too. They have some weird potions that mess with your head once you drink or smell it.”

“So that’s it.”

It was Asmodeus’ turn to nod now. “Some of the men who are frequent there from the legions were poisoned, let's say.”

“They… who are they? How many?” He hoped it wouldn't be a big number.

The spy laughed. A nice and warm sound in contrast with his personality. “You have a huge amoun of men in your command, Master.” The silence on Jin’s end along with the sour look on his face made the spy to just move on. “Twenty-seven soldiers from the ninth legion, fifteen from the twenty-fifth and thirty-nine from the fourth.” He then proceeded telling Jin the names of the demons who were as he said “poisoned”.

Agares exhaled loudly and rubbed his temples with a weary expression. “What the fuck… so apparently their dicks got me in this mess.” He downed his glass in one go and got up. “If that’s all I would like you to leave. There are things I need to prepare and come up with a plan.”

Christopher hummed in agreement and rose to his feet. The two shook hands and the spy left without another word.

…

“So many people” Yoongi seemed more glum than usual. “What are we gonna do? We don’t have that many people to fill the empty spaces.”

“We can’t leave them in the cohorts. They will corrupt the others and turn against us.” Jin was looking outside in the garden where Y/N was sitting on a bench with her personal maid. “This might spread. From what Asmodeus told me it’s like a disease. If you inhale that potion or drink it then you’re done for. No antidote, nothing can reverse it’s effect.”

Baal turned to another page of the book he was looking at. “I can’t even find something that resembles the description of it.”

“You won’t. Those are written by men from our land.”

Yoongi nodded saddened. “We have to lock them up and present new rules to the soldiers.”

Agares came to stand next to his closest companion. “No going to the inns for the time being, no whores if not from a known and checked place, no going out alone. We need a witness if something happens. The troops need to move in groups of three or four.”

“Understood.” Yoongi closed his read and placed it back on the shelf. “I will pass it on to the commanders.”

“Do it. I will talk to her.”

A while later Jin walked out of the mansion.

“Hey. We need to talk” the demon said once he reached Y/N. She turned around calmly.

“You know when someone hears that in the human world it only means the worst.” She smiled wistfully.

There was something so sad yet poetic of hearing this simple sentence here. It reminded the young woman of the life she not so long ago had. Apparently behavioral and attitude patterns transcended dimensions and… species.

The Master continued to stand behind her with a flat expression plastered on his face. “We have huge problems with the man-power in my legions. Maybe in other’s too.”

“So?”

“You need to go away for a while so you’re not harmed.”

Y/N didn’t react. She just stood quiet looking at the small forest ahead of her. “Won’t you say something?” Jin asked.

“What am I supposed to say? To say that I’m happy that I will leave? There is no way in hell that any of you will just let me go and let me be. Or maybe cry that I want to stay here and be with you? No. That won’t happen either. I’m just accepting that no one thinks about what I really want but you all try to decide instead of me.” The young woman ran a hand through her hair in frustration then turned to face the broad-shouldered demon. “So to answer your question - I won’t say shit because it won’t matter.”

Agares narrowed his eyes at the girl weighing the options. Truth be told a few weeks ago he was definitely going to say that it didn’t matter to him what she wanted but now was a different story. 

“Okay let’s say I care” he circled the bench and sat close to her. “Where do you want to go?”

Y/N laughed sarcastically. “So you can say no in the end? Thanks but no thanks.”

“Tell me” he demanded softly.

“You know how hard it was for me to get into that university? The exams, the preparations before that, the sleepless nights? I guess you don’t.” When Jin tried to interfere she shushed him with a wave of her hand. “I struggled in so many ways that you can’t even imagine. Then during my studies I enjoyed every part of it - the lectures, the shifts in the hospitals, the knowledge you get. So many people around me and all of them were good to me.”

The memories were painful now because Y/N thought that maybe she had lost it all. The demon noticed the melancholy creeping on her features. He didn’t know how to react or what to do.

“I want to be a doctor, I want to be with my friends. Another thing I didn’t think I would miss is being buried in big fat textbooks and notes taken down during classes but I do. To answer you question - I wish I could go back home, away from this dark life here and intrigues.” Y/N got up and walked away from the bench, her back turned to the dark-haired man.

“Y/N…” he sounded lost and hopeless now. “I can’t protect you there. If someone finds you not me, neither Yoongi will be able to help you. It will be extremely hard to find you if someone kidnaps you.”

She turned and raised a brow in the demon’s direction. “Why would anybody want to kidnap me? I doubt that the Kings have anything of that sort in mind.”

Jin shook his head. “Not them. Some other people know about you.”

“What? Who knows about me and what exactly do they know?”

“The night of the feast many of the high-ranking guests were onto you. Some of them even knew about the abilities you possess.” Y/N’s eyes widened in horror but Agares waved his hands defensively. “Not in the literal sense. Some of the commanders and ministers knew there was something special about you and tried to get it out of me while we talked. Another thing that happened was meeting Doordale’s best spy the same night.”

He then told her everything that happened then. The young woman couldn’t believe his words. “I never wanted any part of this! I was happy living my ordinary life and you dragged me in this shit-show!” She was screaming at the top of her lungs, hands shaking, eyes watering. “Now my life’s in danger! What am I supposed to do?!”

Y/N could feel the eyes of the staff on her, looking through the windows of the mansion, others peeking behind the trees - guards, maids, gardeners and so on. None of that mattered though. Not now.

“I tried to protect you! That’s why I lied!” Jin shouted back at her, getting to his feet too. “I needed information that’s why I shared some too but most of it was a lie!”

“It doesn’t matter! Now someone is most probably coming for me!” She threw her hands in the air. “I’m a mere human! I can’t control my powers, can’t fight, I don’t even know who to look out for!”

Trying to stay as calm as possible Jin came closer to Y/N and placed his big hand on the girl’s shoulder. “That’s why if you wanna have a piece of all the action we can make it happen.”

She raised a brow and scoffed.

“What does that mean exactly?”

“Everyone can hear you even from the other dimension.” Yoongi approached slowly. “Stop shouting and come inside so we can explain and find a solution to this ridiculous situation.” He was cold and his voice was as flat as a floorboard.

The other two looked at him in disbelief but headed inside.

For some reason Baal was a 180-degrees-different. Y/N was listening intently but other thoughts were clogging her head. What exactly made the man so stiff and distant? It reminded her of the time before he revealed his true identity.

“You have three options,” the minty-haired demon said. The young woman wondered why was he partly transformed. “One - we can send you to a place where the Oracles live. They can teach you the ways of your people. Those people know it all and have seen many things. Keep in mind they’re hundreds of years old and someone can tell you who are your parents.”

“This is the best option in my opinion” Jin chimed in nodding his head, his hair trembling slightly.

“Secon one” the other demon continued without paying any attention to the remark, “a bit useless but still an option - to go and stay with King Mammon.” Y/N began laughing maniacally.

“What the fuck is that option? I thought none of you favored the ma-... the demon I mean.”

“Well, he has taken a keen interest in you and maybe he can do a splendid job protecting you - something me and Agares can’t do well because we have to be on the battlefield.” She expected the shorter demon to get upset or angry about this but he didn’t. How she wanted Yoongi to be sad for her to leave. Baal winced for a second while looking at her. “The King maybe knows something about you which we don’t. You spent some quality time with the man from what I’ve seen.”

The Master rolled his eyes and spoke again. “I don’t like this one even one bit but Yoongi was adamant we tell you this. I-”

“It. Does. Not. Matter. What. You. Want.” Baal enunciated each word slowly with a loud voice. “So the third and final one - you can go home. Forget about us. We can make you disappear with a spell and the trackers of our world won’t be able to find you-”

“I never said I’m okay with that!” Agares roared slamming his fists on the table. Y/N jumped in her seat, her soul successfully leaving the girl’s body for a second. “Who knows what he will do to her and the others? They’re even worse.” The blabbering continued. “They may be excellent fighters and leaders but the rest? They tricked Y/N into doing disgusting things.”

“For the record, they didn’t” Y/N cut him short of his last sentence. Jin frowned and scoffed.

“So…” displeasure was written all over the shorter demon’s face. “Those are the three options that you have, that we can offer you. It’s up to you.” He stopped and looked Y/N straight in the eye. “We won’t force you.”

With that, both of them became quiet and waited for her to decide. So many emotions were stirring in the broad-shouldered demon - mostly anger and impatience. He feared that she is going to choose the Kings over him. Then his ego was going to take the greatest hit in his centuries-long life. 

Yoongi stood opposite his Master, eyes looking somewhere far away in the distance. For a while now he felt the grip Y/N had on him becoming loose. Definitely, the distance and the time apart had something to do with it but at the same time this wasn’t the whole reason. From what he knew of her people the power of the Spark transcended time and place and the only logical conclusion would be that she had forgotten about him. Then and there he put all his powers into breaking free of the influence so he could be sure if his own feeling were real or just her doing.

When she came back he was so thrilled to have her in his arms. Then Yoongi remembered that it might not be real.

Agares seemed the same as before, did that mean the girl wanted him more and longed for the Master? Poisoning thoughts and questions. Instead of sadness or regret, Baal was angry and sour.

“Can I negotiate?” Y/N asked after a while, ripping Yoongi out of his daze-like state.

“Depends on what you want.”

“I was thinking if it will be possible to take me home for just one day and then bring me back to the place where these Oracles are?”

…

When the valet entered the solar room he found Noir reading an old grimoire. The King didn’t even move or lift his eyes. “Who is it?”

The man bowed deeply. “Master Asmodeus.”

“Send him in.”

When the spy entered he too bowed respectfully and waited for Namjoon to let him in. The King rose from the armchair and nodded towards the shorter demon. “Good to see you. I hope you bring good news.”

“Not sure exactly.”

The two of them stood there for a second looking at each other.

“Want to move to the Great hall and wait for the others or is what you’re going to tell me for my ears only?”

“If the other Kings are here they are free to join too.”

“Only Jungkook is missing but I will bring him up to date once he arrives.”

Half an hour later Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon were all gathered in the great hall, sitting on their respective thrones. The King of the South seemed as menacing as usual - his hooded eyes were heavy and cold. His slim figure was covered from head to toe with leather and those boots with silver heels reflected the light. The spy was most comfortable talking with the other two, while with Aamon he always had to think twice before speaking. There was something incredibly scary about him. Jungkook thought otherwise though, as well as Taehyung and Hoseok.

“I’ve come to tell you what happened in Agares’ mansion.”

“Oh! Interesting!” Alastor’s voice rang through the hall.

“Speak” Noir urged the spy.

Christopher told him everything word by word while opening his mind for the three so they can see the pictures of what happened and assess the behavior and gestures of Jin. They listened intently, each one of them looking at something specific in the memories.

“Well, that doesn’t give us much. Apparently, he wants to win this war desperately and rise in rank.” Namjoon said after hearing the whole story.

“I don’t think so. He has never shown any intentions of becoming a minister or a face in the military.” The whole ordeal bothered Alastor.

Jimin shifted in his seat. “You remember why we separated in the first place, now think. There must be something behind all of that. Also…” he looked at Noir. “He never told us that she’s special, nor did she.”

“Had Jungkook told you something?” Namjoon asked him, feeling the situation slipping out of control. This was apparently just the tip of the iceberg.

“No.” He gritted his teeth.

“What is that face exactly?” Hoseok laughed. “Jealousy?”

Aamon remembered how his closest companion was touching Y/N the night of the feast, the way he was looking at her and she - back at him. The longing returned. “No.” A cold voice that made Hoseok forget about teasing him. “He fucked her though. That must mean something. I guess the girl has gotten under his skin somehow.”

“How do you know that?” Namjoon lifted a brow.

“Saw them in the garden when we celebrated. I lost sight of Mammon at some point and went out to look for him and I saw them.”

Alastor frowned. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why would I? It’s not like he isn’t allowed to fuck.”

“Yes, but he hasn’t done that in decades. Jungkook refused all the girls from his harem, ours too.”

While the King argued Christopher was worrying about the oncoming feud between the four demons. Nasty business.

“She must be special if Y/N really is from the Spark nation,” Noir noted, bringing the dispute to an end. “Also that would mean she lied to us. About everything.”

“You’re awfully calm though.” Hoseok knew that this was the calm before the storm.

“Why would I be anything else? I can’t deal with this from here, at least not now. And let me tell you this - this girl is not to blame. Y/N’s just a part of a bigger scheme - Jin’s. I don’t know what it is exactly but mark my word - I will find out.”

The rest of them nodded.

"Another thing - it's not a crime to be from any other nation. We welcome everyone here as long as the order and quiet is maintained. Of course lying to the rulers is a crime." Jimin added playing with his fingers. The spy could taste the tension.

“What I want from you” the King of the West turned to the spy once more “is to go back to the mansion. Keep an eye on them. From afar. If something suspicious happens report to me immediately.”

“Understood.”

It was obvious that the Kings were struggling to keep a straight mind, being overcome with doubts and suspicions. Suspicions that Christopher himself planted when mentioning the Sparks. If things didn't work out in the end the situation might result in a war and for Doordale to be split.

Jimin seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts. “I doubt there is something brewing against us - at least not anymore. I think Jin only wants recognition for all he’s done for the past years.” He said in conclusion.

Aamon’s concern now was Jungkook. He wanted what he had, wanted Y/N and desired to know what made the King break his rules so easily when he couldn’t. If she really possessed the power of the Spark everything would finally make sense. 

Yoongi’s last words from that night rang in his mind “We’re demons. We're not made to be happy and nice."

…

“What about your initial plan?” Yoongi asked Jin later that night. “I thought she was supposed to take the Kings down and raise you to the throne.”

The other man rolled his eyes. It would’ve been too obvious to her and despite Agares’ manipulation techniques she would’ve caught up and straight out refuse. That’s the thing the taller demon was sure about. “Y/N would’ve never agreed to it.”

“Since when do you care?”

“Since she is the main character at play. The woman has a high moral.”

“Tsk…” Baal clicked his tongue in displeasure.

“What exactly is wrong with you? It’s like our roles are switched” Jin noted with a mild surprise laced in his voice. “What the fuck happened to you?”

For a while the mint-haired demon was quietly looking towards his companion not breaking eye contact. “What bothers me is that maybe Y/N messed our minds with her abilities. All of it - the nice uncharacteristic behavior of ours, the feelings we have, the changes in your objective and everything else. It’s because of her and what she did.”

“It might as well be as you’re saying” Agares shrugged “but I’m still me. My demonic soul is intact. I can perform my duties just as well.”

Yoongi was taken aback by those words. “That’s exactly what I mean. You’re not you.”

“Uh-uh. You’re wrong. I’m completely fine. The only thing that has changed is my way of getting what I want.”

…

A week later everything was set for the long journey ahead of them. Preparations were made for later when they had to return and go to the land of the Oracles. In the end it was decided that once more Yoongi will accompany Y/N on her visit to the human world since he was familiar enough with it and had somewhat a good relationship with the girl.

“24 hours. That’s all you have.” Jin said to her.

“I know.” She smiled brightly. Everyone around felt her heightened energy. “See you tomorrow then, Jin” Y/N waved, then took the pre-prepared small bag.

Baal nodded towards the Master then joined Y/N on her way out.

The two walked for a while reaching a clearing in the forest.

“The Wishing Well. Remember?” 

“I do.”

After a short ritual, the energy around them started buzzing with static. It was like the moment before a thunder hits. Then when the passage opened it looked like a rip in the matter of space, the sight was so outworldly and cosmic.

Yoongi grabbed Y/N’s hand.

“Don’t let go.”

When she came to, the young woman was laying on a familiar soft mattress. A bit confused and dizzy, she looked around. Her house. The bedroom.

“Welcome back. You’re home” Baal’s soft voice greeted Y/N.

“I’m home” her eyes began watering unintentionally.

After a short trip to the shop Y/N came out with a pack of cigarettes. “I’ve longed for these.” She lit one and inhaled deeply. Such a nasty habit but inevitable. 

“You’re supposed to be a doctor. Why smoke when you know how bad it is?”

“I could ask you the same - why do bad deeds when you know the consequences and the pain they will cause for the others.”

“It’s not the same…”

“Whatever. My choice, thank you very much.”

Impossible to argue with someone like her, Yoongi concluded once more. “At some point I will quit but not today I guess.”

It was late morning when they arrived at the university’s campus.

When they entered nothing seemed out of place. Wednesday - that meant that her friends will be in the cafeteria at this time. The usual table by the window, having coffee.

And exactly as predicted the group of three people was in the exact spot. Y/N ran to them hugging Monica tightly.

What the young woman was expecting was not what she got. Silence and still bodies turned towards her.

“Excuse me. Do I know you?”

Y/N stood up, dumbfounded.

“It’s me - Y/N. I’ve missed you guys so much.” She went on and on about how much time they spent apart and how they haven’t seen each other.

“I think you’re mistaking us for someone else.” Felix cut her short. His cute and small face was cold and unwelcoming. “It’s not very appropriate to burst on people and claim to know them and get into their personal space like that” gesturing towards Monica, who seemed extremely uncomfortable.

“What the hell?” Y/N muttered and turned to look at Yoongi. “Excuse me…” she began trembling and started sweating. Running towards the demon she dragged him out of the cafeteria.

“Care to explain?!” she screamed in his face. “What the fuck happened there?!! They don’t remember me!”

“I don’t know,” he said flatly.

“I think you do and you will explain everything!”

Yoongi rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Look, I don’t think you have any right to accuse me. I haven’t done shit and why would I?”

“This is something that I will figure out in time but I’m sure you have something to do with it.”

Yoongi of course knew that it was just a precautionary measure that had to be taken before the two left weeks ago.

Chapter 7 / Chapter 9

Masterlist

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 186: Lunch and Then Some Light Noumu Battling

Previously on BnHA: The New JP Hero Billboard Chart Top 10 rankings were announced and the heroes each gave a short little speech. My new adult bird son Can You Smell What The Hawk Is Cooking stole the spotlight by basically saying, “y’all need to stop being such bummers, we’re the best that the world’s got now so let’s fucking act like it.” We learned that Hawks is basically a hero prodigy, having started his own hero agency at the tender young age of 18, and now having risen all the way to #2 at age 22. Anyway, he then handed the mic over to Endeavor who went with the short and sweet “just watch me” route, for better or worse. Afterwards Endeav throttled Hawks a little bit in the privacy of his dressing room, and Hawks apologized and then said he actually needed Endeavor’s help for something. “Do you remember the Noumus?” I then proceeded to lose my shit, as we transitioned to some unknown location where an unknown figure was talking to an unknown Noumu with a Kurogiri face (!) who could TALK BACK (!!!!). Then I really lost my shit omg.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks go for a stroll on their lunch break. Hawks casually saves like 15 random people and attracts a crowd of fans seeking autographs and selfies. Meanwhile Endeavor attracts one (1) fan, and tries to offer an autograph of his own only to send the kid running off in tears because Endeavor’s aloof attitude is apparently what makes him cool lol. So as Endeav tries to sort all of that out, he sits down with Hawks in some fancy high-rise restaurant. Hawks tells him about some rumored Noumu sightings that he’s been investigating all across the country. He says he flew out to the locations, but couldn’t find any evidence. He theorizes that someone might be purposely spreading rumors in order to sow fear among the general populace. And he says he wants Endeavor, the newly crowned number one here, to be the one to put the people at ease. Meanwhile he himself just wants to chill out, and he would like nothing better than an ideal world so peaceful that heroes can just relax. Anyway, so then that Talking Noumu from the last chapter comes flying at them from out of nowhere and smashes through the glass and is all “WHICH ONE OF YOU IS STRONGEST.” So Endeavor goes to fight him.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 208 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

omg

I think this might be my favorite SJ cover like, ever?? is that a huge overreaction? but like, Deku looks so cool. and I fucking love the colors so much. and don’t think I didn’t notice the distinct BakuDeku theme of this green and orange aesthetic, Horikoshi. because I did! notice! gosh these colors look so good together don’t y’all agree. okay fine I’ll shut the fuck up

lmao

this was such a badass cover and then it’s just. completely ruined by the text in the background being all “TOAST ‘EM”

(ETA: that text was so distracting that I honestly didn’t even notice the Noumu in the background. completely missed that. so observant lol. I probably would have noticed in Mangastream’s version, which says “seething!” but that’s pretty funny too tbh)

jesus Endeavor calm the fuck down and put yourself out already. why are you always so fucking angry

holy shit

well now, that’s one hell of an opening hook

the text is all “ever since I could remember, I’ve lived at the whim of others.” and apparently this dude found it suffocating

so here we have a disgruntled office worker about to shoot the place up, presumably? or like, the quirk equivalent of that. how fucking creepy

oh my GOD

IS HE STRIPPING NAKED TO GAIN MORE EMBARRASSMENT POWER

what the fucking fuck oh my lord. every so often Horikoshi is just like “lol I thought of a really weird thing. let’s just roll with it and see where it takes us”

so this man with his weird humiliation kink thinks he’s all that, but!

did Hawks just shoot fucking feathers to cover this man’s R-rated parts

also if Endeavor is even 1% like his youngest son, his favorite food will be soba. moment of truth!

goddammit, Endeavor’s just completely ignoring the question, and he’s actually focusing on stopping the flasher guy while Hawks continues to talk about food

lmao now this stupid fucking dog is running out into traffic

don’t worry kids, Hawks fired off more wings to spirit sweet, stupid Schwartz away to safety

you had me until “chicken liver” Hawks but I guess I could keep an open mind

does Hawks ever actually make eye contact with anyone

I’m starting to feel like he’s the type who would deliberately turn around if he ever did happen to be facing the same direction as whoever he was rescuing. he only does casual rescues

oddly enough I’m liking him less than I did before. Too Cool For That Shit is just not my type. I prefer Too Grumpy For That Shit and/or Actually Fully Enthusiastic And Earnest And Will Do The Uncool Thing Without Hesitation

but I have a feeling that what we see might not be what we get here, so let’s just wait a bit. idk just a feeling about him. because he sure as heck didn’t have that meteoric rise by not giving a damn

(ETA: okay so! needless to say my fears were unfounded as it turns out Hawks’s thing is not Too Cool For That Shit, but actually Too Tired For That Shit, which is actually one of my favorite types. Too Cool is just the persona he puts on because it’s what’s expected of him. but in actuality the reason he seems so nonchalant is because his heart isn’t really in it. this was never something he wanted to do; it was something he was more or less forced into because he was so talented and With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, and so it didn’t really matter what he personally wanted or didn’t want. in other words, Hawks is the very first Reluctant Hero I think we’ve had in this series. he’s someone who is more or less trapped in his role, and by now he’s become very, very good at what he does, but more than anything he would like to one day not have to do it anymore.

but of course not only does he not have that option, he’s somehow managed to get himself in way deeper than most of his peers will ever have to worry about. not only does he have to contend with the everyday stresses of hero life, but he also has a fun undercover double agent mission to worry about! so add in the fear of being caught and the stress of having to play both sides, while all the while trying his best to make sure no innocents get hurt! and having to think about all of this constantly!

basically, up until now I wouldn’t have thought that anyone could come along and actually contend with Aizawa for the title of Most Exhausted Character in the series. but not only does Hawks contend, I think it’s actually no contest. and yet he does it anyway. without complaint. well with a little bit of complaining, but under the guise of being a lackadaisical young twenty-something who isn’t particularly concerned about anything. 

he actually ends up confessing more to Endeavor than I would have expected, given all this. like he was straight up confiding in him. that all turned out to be completely true. but because he says it with that carefree smile, you don’t realize at first how much he’s just kind of quietly suffering underneath it all. like that dog in the house on fire saying this is fine. like, no it fucking isn’t, but he puts on such a good act of being completely unconcerned. it’s astounding in hindsight.

my god I have so many fucking feelings about Hawks apparently. I didn’t mean to essay this much and there are probably more essays on the way too lol. I love my tired bird son too damn much and I hope to god he doesn’t get himself killed fffff.)

anyways he’s signing autographs and giving interviews and shit, and meanwhile Endeavor is just completely being ignored

okay now they’re acknowledging him, but it’s the usual “man, he’s scary!”

(ETA: CAN’T YOU SEE-KUNNNNN)

this kid knows what’s what. Inasa was fucked up for years because of his I Asked Endeavor For An Autograph trauma

now Endeavor is silently and intimidatingly turning his head toward the kids and walking over

by the way these children are fucking adorable and I want take them all home and give them sandwiches and juice boxes

(ETA: I’m so glad Can’t You See-kun is even acknowledged in-universe as the most adorable child on the face of the earth. if anyone ever deserved to become a beloved meme it’s him)

oh shit Endeavor’s making an effort!!

he’s really trying to fix that image omg

but it’s not working!

oh snap. it’s just like All Might said, huh. remember he told you not to try to copy him and to do your own thing, Endeavor

the kid is having a meltdown now and saying that Endeavor doesn’t need fanservice and that the lone wolf attitude is what makes him cool

okay but you can be a lone wolf and still be Not A Dick, though

now the kid is running away crying. jesus christ. well so much for those juice boxes then. maybe I’ll just give them to your shark-looking friend

Endeav’s just staring in confusion and wondering where he went wrong

where you went wrong is being a dick for 40 years. change isn’t just going to come overnight. but you need to keep at it! if you want to be nicer just be nicer, and eventually either your fans will warm up to the change, or you’ll get new fans

(ETA: I stand by this, for the record. I know this arc is doing a whole thing of showing how Endeavor can be a different type of hero than All Might and still be someone that people rely on. but in addition to this I think that if he genuinely wants to be more approachable than he should just keep working at it even if people are naturally going to be really confused by it at first)

anyways so now we’re cutting to some fancy high-rise restaurant and Endeav and Hawks are eating in what seems to be a private room

or more accurately, Hawks is eating, and Endeavor is just sitting there with his arms crossed same as always

are you sure Shouto isn’t adopted? that kid loves stuffing his face during serious discussions

(ETA: lmao and he even does it yet again at the end of this arc. I don’t know why I’m always so tickled by this but I just love it)

anyway, so Hawks is replying that when he wants something he just goes for it. “it’s just my nature”

he apparently tried to draft Shouto after the sports festival! interesting

but he says he’s glad that he ended up with Tokoyami in the end

wow but kind of a dick reason -- “Shouto-kun’s brand took a hit after he failed his provisional license exam”

is he just trying to rile up Endeavor here? interesting

Endeavor says Hawks knows a lot for someone who never went to U.A.

which we kind of already knew (that he’s not a U.A. alum), because otherwise he would have been involved in the Kamino mission. but I wonder where he did graduate from. is he a Shiketsu alum?

how mysterious

(ETA: in the Mangastream version he says “I’ve always been a good observer, you see,” which is something that gets called back to later)

anyway, now Endeavor’s getting impatient and demanding to get to the point

ahasfhkhlkj

yesssss more info about them omgggg. how are there even Noumus anymore with AFO locked up??

okay so Hawks is reiterating the stuff we already know, that “scores” of Noumus were captured along with All for One at Kamino. and that since then, even though the League has been active, they haven’t been able to confirm any new appearances of Noumus

hmm, I see, so it’s going to turn out that it was B

(ETA: actually now I’m wondering if there might be a C and this is purposely trying to mislead us! because everyone always assumed that AFO was the only one capable of producing Noumus, but what if that isn’t the case though?)

Endeavor says that since Hawks wants to team up, that must mean he’s actually found proof of this so-called “rumor”

oh my god Endeavor. why couldn’t we have had you during the last arc. you would have had us out of that bullshit basement in no time flat

(ETA: for real, this arc is only what, nine chapters? the man knows how to move things along)

okay now Hawks is saying that this isn’t the only place where Noumus have been sighted, and that there are rumors all around the country -- though not in the news -- and people have been gossiping

oh for fuck’s sake could you get to the point already Hawks. stop dramatically building up to it

blah blah he heard it from locals when he went on a business trip, and he did a secret investigation at that time but wasn’t able to turn anything up

so he says he got interested after that, and flew around the country to investigate further

so apparently there were similar rumors cropping up in completely unrelated parts of the country, with slight variations

but in the end he wasn’t able to validate any of the rumors

so then if this is all true, how many of these Noumu 2.0s are there??

(ETA: and is any of it actually true? it’s hard to say at this point. I’m learning toward “yes”, or else why bring it up in the first place. there’s gonna be a Noumu arc coming up in the future at some point I think. Noumu Wars)

so Hawks is continuing to munch on his yakitori and he says that ever since the incidents at U.A., Hosu, and Kamino, everyone knows about the Noumus now, and he wonders if it’s just “some asshole with a motive to spread unease” who’s spreading rumors throughout the country

okay but we the readers know for a fact it’s not! and you wouldn’t have called Endeavor to team up if you really thought it was just rumors. so when are you going to get to your point

...no way he’s talking about All for One, is he? "a criminal from a long time ago.” someone who wanted ability users to be free. was AFO the Magneto of his day once upon a time?

(ETA: actually, thinking about this more I think maybe it was the mysterious Destro who was mentioned by Gentle not too long ago and who I’m still hoping to learn more about. he was the leader of the Quirk Liberation Army or something along those lines wasn’t he? definitely sounds like a Magneto type)

he says that the more fear a society has, the more these kind of delusions sell and spread

Endeavor is again telling him to stop being a dramatic fuck and to just get to the point

wha

seriously?? you invited him to lunch just to ask him that?

Endeavor’s asking him what his angle is

did fucking Hawks just admit he wants to 420 blaze it. in my good Christian manga. which takes place and is published in Japan where weed will get you thrown in fucking prison for the better part of a decade. something tells me this is Jaimini’s Box taking certain liberties lol

(ETA: yeah, in Mangastream’s version he says “sit back with a nice cold one” which is much more in line with Japanese culture lol. still, Hawks does give off that stoner vibe a bit, can’t deny)

aww, but this part is sweet

though you do know you’ll end up putting a lot of heroes out of a job lol. safer world = no need for heroes. I’m sure most heroes would take that trade-off any day though

so now Endeavor is being all quiet and seemingly thoughtful

and he’s looking out the window

and... whaaaat is this

...do not fucking tell me this is a Noumu

holy fuck it’s a Noumu

um, what? can we back up just a sec? we just had a whole long discussion all about how there have been no verified Noumu sightings since AFO was locked up, and now one just happens to show up the instant the #1 and #2 heroes are done having their little talk?

lmao and now the hostess is coming with the check

maybe this Noumu’s uncannily good timing was cancelled out by this lady who has the worst timing that any human person has ever had in the history of existence

holy shit look how dramatic this is!?

“HELLO MY NAME IS TALKING NOUMU. WHICH IS THE STRONGEST ONE. RARRRR”

Endeavor is telling Hawks to lead the evacuation

Hawks is asking “what about you?” as if that part wasn’t obvious

RIGHT? suspiciously good timing if you ask me. I don’t have any real clue what’s going on yet, but damned if this is a coincidence

anyways now Endeavor is showing us just why he’s the current number one!

TAKE THAT, SUSPICIOUS TALKING NOUMU

and next chapter we’ll apparently get a whole Endeavor battle. well I hope it’s interesting! this arc is off to a bit of a weird start for me, but I think it’s because several of the pieces have yet to fall into place completely. there are a lot of weird coincidences and things that seem Just A Little Bit Off, and I feel like once we learn why, I’m going to be like, “ohhhhhhh!!”

(ETA: yeah, needless to say there were a lot of “ohhhhhh!!” moments and this arc is incredibly dense on a reread. so much going on here omg. this is good stuff)

no bonus today! I almost ran out of time to even put tags. anyways, toast ‘em Endeavor

[bollur]

hello i have returned with a single used brain cell and humbly submit this request: percy lowkey (struggling?) to confess to a very oblivious reader bc they simply cannot take a hint after x years of flirting (and maybe percy is a little worried that reader is just casually flirting without any actual feelings for him but is just really good at hiding their feelings) (and percy just can't take the uncertainty any longer) (pls feel free to freestyle whatever pushes percy to confess 😊 emotional constipation, angst, whatever fits the bill)

again, love your work!!! 💕💕💕 it's not trash it's ✨FANTASTIC✨ !!!!!

a/n: why did i have so much fun with this?

i'm actually kind of proud of this one.

tag list: @imaginesfire

Percival stopped in his tracks, having been making his way downstairs, heading to the kitchen to finally eat for the first time that day after having just washed up. Looking down over the railing, you stood with a bright smile on your face, a bouquet of flowers resting carefully in your arms, a card in one of your hands. “That’s the second time this week,” he commented casually, continuing his descent once more.

Now watching him, you flashed a smirk, clutching them a bit tighter but making sure not to crush them, and teased, “Don’t be jealous just because you didn’t think about doing it first, Percival.”

Biting his tongue for a moment, he rounded the end of the stairs to stand in front of you. If only you knew. “You say that, yet,” he began, plucking the card from between your fingers to read over his own handwriting that created a sweet poem. “You actually have no idea who it is.”

“You?” echoed from your lips, gaze trailing up the wall as you wandered in thought. “I imagine it would be someone handsome.” eyes becoming a bit starry as your imagination run wild.

Percy’s expression tilted to amusement, asking playfully; “Implying I’m not?”

Coming down from your little cloud nine, you looked back at him, and he felt his heart flutter. “Oh, absolutely not,” you replied softly, a smile turning tender. “You’re the prettiest person I know, actually.”

A slight heat came to the tips of his ears, and he had to bury the little fire igniting in his belly under a mountain of dirt to extinguish it. “You know yourself, don’t you?” came the smooth quip, a smile to match your own.

The look you shot him was almost a silent compliment on how sly his comment was. That’s how he was going to take it anyway. Turning back to your flowers, you hummed, gently rubbing a petal between your fingers. “It’s a shame, you know,” soft was your voice, as though you were afraid your next words would scare the plants within your hands. “I love them, but it makes me so sad when they wither.” brows furrowed, you gave a little laugh. “Could you imagine that? An immortal flower?”

It took only a second before something in him clicked, flicking from you to the flowers in your hand. It was a ridiculous idea … he was going to do it. “Yes, I suppose anyone else can only imagine,” he murmured to you, placing a hand on your upper arm as he excused himself rather quickly.

Percival missed the contemplative expression that crossed your face as you watched him make his way along the path of his workshop before casting it at your bouquet as well with a sharp exhale.

The forge in the basement burned hot that day, all into the night and the morning. It was deep enough that the pounding of metal couldn’t be heard until the steps were descended, thankfully, but it was no secret he was down there sometimes for a day or two straight. He would be so engrossed in his projects that time would escape him, but maybe a part of him looked forward to it as you never failed to bring him essentials; food, water, snacks. Then you would stay and chat, he would happily show you what he was working on, the teasing and flirting. It all felt so natural, and those moments meant the world to him.

He just wished that it could be different - more than just what it felt he was receiving from your end. More than he could admit, he loved you. You who had been there with him through so much, putting your life in danger, helped him come to see himself as more than just a means to an end for his revenge. That he could do good, learn to find the good in life, and while the family he once had could never be replaced, he had one now that he could grow with.

Maybe he shouldn't be so greedy, wanting more. Percy had a life with you now, a wonderful one. Why did he deserve more than that? You were not the type to lead someone on, but maybe you were misunderstanding his advances, wanting no strings attached when he wanted all of them, including a chain.

Suddenly the door flew open and in made the way of Vax’ildan with no regard to privacy or personal space, not that it should be much of a surprise. Looking up mid-tinkering, he and Percival made direct eye contact. “I like to think we’re both sensible men, wouldn’t you agree, Whitey?”

Not losing this non-existent battle of dominance by dropping his gaze first, the gunslinger didn’t even move to set his tools down as he answered him. “One of us more than the other.” He would humor him for the moment.

“Considering your current circumstance,” Crossing his arms, the half-elf leaned against the door frame, making himself comfortable. “I’ll take that compliment.”

Expression suspicious, the tools in Percy’s hands were now laid onto the table. “Please, do enlighten me.”

“As if it’s not obvious,” Vax began, motioning with his hands vaguely in the direction of upstairs and then to the human himself. “Even Grog has noticed - Grog!”

“You are one of the last people that should be handing out relationship advice,” the gunslinger verbally jabbed at him. “Considering the outcome of your recent confession.”

“Low,” Vax shot back, but he couldn’t disagree. His confession with Keyleth didn’t exactly go the best. “But completely unrelated since it's not a relationship.” there was a look from Percy, showing how done with his shit he was becoming. “At least I straight-up did it. How long has it been, Percival?”

Not even skipping a beat, he replied, “Two years, twelve weeks and six days,” silence fell over the room, the rogue quirking a brow at him pointedly. Percy sighed, slumping over and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh, Gods."

“And you really gotta stop with the flowers, man, they’re so cliche’!” Suddenly another voice cut into the conversation from the doorway.

“Flowers are a perfect token of affection and,“ Looking to the new intruder, Percival’s face suddenly scrunched up in distaste. “And-and get out, Scanlan! You’re not even allowed in here.”

The gnome looked confused, glancing between Vax and Percy. “What? Since when did that become a thing?”

“Since there has been a sign on that door from the moment we moved in.”

Scanlan scoffed. “You’re bullshittin’ me.”

“He's not,” Vax defended, pointing a finger at the very large sign clearly stating the names of people who were not allowed, and one of them was indeed Scanlan.

The gnome blinked once, twice, and held up the middle finger. “Well, fuck you too, dude.” The fingers on the hand suddenly snapped, the bard's face lighting up. "That's it!" he said, becoming ecstatic and climbing up onto the large work table as though he was going to be making a public announcement. "That's exactly what you have to do."

Once more, silence came over the room, Percy took a quick sip of water and still managed to comment dryly, "I admit, beyond not caring, you have lost me."

"You bang. You know; dippin' the wick, bumpin' uglies, slappin' beef - "

"O-kay, but," The gunslinger narrowed his eyes, growing increasingly frustrated as they both spoke. "You're suggesting this to the same guy who can't even admit he's in love."

Scanlan nodded, doing short paces on his end of the table. "You're right - not to mention he's probably never even wanked it in his entire life."

"I," burying his face in his hands, Percival wanted to scream, but that well-practiced restraint kept him to only do it internally. "I absolutely hate both of you, I do hope you know that."

"We do," they both responded at the same time, mutually shrugging.

"Have you ever wanked it, though?" a new voice suddenly cut in, entirely too amused. "Sometimes I can't tell 'cause you're always so tense."

Inhaling sharply, about ready to gouge his own goddamn eyes out, his teeth ground. "I'm not about to dignify that with an answer, in fact," he stood up, pointing at the door. "Get out, all you -" he stumbled, looking up and seeing you in the doorway with a smirk on your face, fresh water in one hand and a plate of food in the other. " - you-you, hello, when did you get here?"

Completely ignoring him, you giggled, looking at Scanlan. "That's so cooky, though - wank it."

The gnome wagged his brows at you suggestively. "What about: beat the meat?" Percival felt his excitement die down as you laughed, walking over to set your offerings onto the table.

The gunslinger looked solemnly, longingly through another doorway into the fire of the forge off. You bumping into him lightly with your whole body barely brought him back, only gaining a glance. "Trying to decide if burning alive would be less painful than listening to this?" he didn't even bother to respond, simply narrowing his eyes at you, ever the instigator. The chuckle you gave was almost evil, looking back at the sniggering gnome and rogue. "Alright you two, you heard him. Go on, get out, go beat each others meat instead of trying to beat Percival's while he's working."

"Oh, what, 'cause that's your job?"

"Yeah, it is, now leave, so I suck out whatever's left of his soul." you joked, but the gunslinger couldn't help but feel a rush of heat in his chest as he tried to stave off those taunting images.

Hanging his head, his shoulders slumped and he decided, face entirely too red, that burning alive definitely would be less painful. The door shut and the sound of Vax and Scanlan laughing could be heard as they disappeared up the stairs. "Not to embarrass you any further, but," you began, looking at Percival who reminded you of a dejected kitten. "Is it true?"

Furrowing his brows, his eyes narrowed as well. "Not that it's anyone's business what I do regarding that, but - "

"No, no, not that," The laugh you gave was sweet and airy, and he felt himself relax. "Although it certainly is an interesting topic," you winked, changing the mood in the room to one he felt completely natural in and he smirked. "I mean," you looked down, holding your hands together and playing with your thumb. "That you love me ... " came the small murmur, and you glanced up through your lashes, shyly.

The world around him came tumbling to the ground, looking at you like you were from a different plane of existence as you stood in front of him in a new light. You looked almost hopeful, but his reasonable brain tried to argue it was a biased opinion. The wool over his eyes. "I - " he swallowed, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck. This was it, the moment he had been waiting for, right? So why was he still having trouble saying it? No, you were just asking. You weren't admitting anything to him by a simple question ... but ... "I've been working on this the last couple of days," he began awkwardly, quickly turning away and walking over to his work table, missing the pained look on your face. "It's done, but I was looking to see if there were any finer details I could."

"I-I'm sure it's nice - " you began, keeping a hold on your voice.

"It's for you," he interjected, turning around to face you with the object in his hands; a single flower, beautiful and delicate looking. This was his one shot, and he supposed if he was going to do it, it was going to be in the way he was most comfortable with. Your eyes shined as you began to come closer to him. "Who also gave me the idea, actually," he held it out to you, feeling tight as he moved. "When you said how sad the flowers I had been sending - " your head whipped up, eyes wide. " - made you when they withered."

"My immortal flower," the smile you gave him was a bit watery, but just as beautiful as any other before as you took it, and despite it being heavy, made of metal, it was perfect. "I had been hoping it was you, actually," you confessed, flush coming over your cheeks.

His brow quirked, newfound confidence coming to him, but that didn't stop his heart from thrumming through his ribcage. "I suppose you were right - it was someone incredibly handsome," he teased lightly, carefully.

Reaching out with one hand, you cupped his cheek, and immediately he leaned into it. "Now, now, I didn't say incredibly," you replied, leaning forward onto him as his arms crawled around your waist. "But you're not wrong." With that, after waiting so long, he found that your lips were just as soft as he imagined and you tasted just as sweet, and he relished in every second of it.

Percival de Rolo, a very brave man who endured so much, trembled at the thought of eight letters, three words, one sentence that said everything. But as you pulled back, looking so adoringly at the metal flower held in the space between you, he found that one simple action could say it indefinitely better, and as long as you were satisfied with that, he would work to eventually give you it all.

[nashibirne]

DESPERADO - 4

Ready for the next part of Desperado? Here it is. You will learn about Helen's past and August's feelings but it's pretty emotional and angsty so I hope you still like it. Let me know and leave me a comment, reblog or like 💜

Pairing: Augut Walker x OFC (Helen Nichols)

Summary: August has survived the fight with Ethan Hunt and the fall from the cliff. A few lucky coincidences saved his life and he ends up with a woman that saves him and gives him shelter in her little hermit hut. He is at a turning point in his life. What is he going to do?

Word count: ~ 3.3 k

Warnings: A lot of angst, mentioning of death and grief, mentioning of sex

UNBETA'ED! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

Credits: I don’t own August Walker and anything related to MI:Fallout. Pics for the moodboard from pinterest, face claim Helen: Rooney Mara

You can find parts 1 to 3 and my other fics on my masterlist.

Taglist (please let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabrobro @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq

*************

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day

You're losin' all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

From Desperado by The Eagles, Lyrics: Don Henley, Glenn Frey

August soon lost count. They had sex often after he had been able to dispel Helen's worries regarding protection by revealing that he had a vasectomy years ago. So they fucked almost every day, but Helen wasn't up for more than foreplay and the sex itself. It was always the same, when they were done she got up to take a shower before going on with her daily tasks and it left him feeling strangely used and empty. 

After their first time he had mentioned that the folding bed seemed to be an unnecessary loan now and Helen's reaction had left him speechless. She had laughed out loud.

"I don't think so. I'm not planning on sharing the bed with you...August." His real name just wouldn't flow smoothly from her lips at this time.

"Why not? We've just fucked."

"That's sex, just physical. Sharing a bed is intimate. It requires trust and I'm sorry but I can't trust you as long as you don't tell me who you are and what you're involved in."

"I'm not going to rape or murder you in your sleep", he snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I know, but still…"

And so, since he still hadn't told her the truth about August "The Hammer" Walker and John Lark, they fucked but they didn't sleep together. August found it quite ridiculous but he couldn't do much but accept it.  He just wasn't willing to reveal the dirty truth, even after Helen had finally told him about the FBI guy that had nosed around in the village and about that file that proved that his enemies considered him to be dead. He was too scared she would kick him out of her house and out of her life. He wasn't ready to lose her. Not yet. 

Instead he got accustomed to the situation and in the next weeks they established a domestic routine that was new to both of them. Helen usually worked in the mornings. She was a journalist and writer and to his surprise August found out that in fact she was a bestselling author. She had published three books so far. One about her hermit life in Kashmir, one about the region as a destination for backpackers and an illustrated book that was dedicated to the beautiful nature in the Dachigam National Park and all three of them had been pretty successful in the US. So she worked on her new book till noon almost every day and August worked on his recovery, doing all kinds of exercises indoors and outdoors. 

After lunch they did anything that had to be done around the house and Helen often left for a walk to collect berries and mushrooms or to take photos in the afternoon. August usually read a book when she was gone but on this day he decided to join her. He had done some runs in a small radius around the hut but he had never really explored the surroundings and he felt like missing out on something. Plus, if he was honest with himself, he wanted to spend some time with Helen. Quality time. 

So they strolled through the woods on this beautiful, sunny day, enjoying the warmth of the sun and a light breeze that chilled their cheeks. Helen took a bunch of pictures, concentrating on moss and lichens that grew on giant rocks and gnarled, old trees. August was waiting for her to take a shot of an overgrown branch, leaning against a rock wall, his face turned towards the sun, his eyes closed. "Stay exactly like this." Helens soft voice made him smile but when he heard her camera click he opened his eyes with a frown. "What are you doing?" He turned his face away from her and started to walk on. "Taking pictures of you. You looked great in that light, all lost in thought." She jogged a few steps to keep up with him. "Oh yeah", he snorted, "I'm sure I looked like a supermodel." She stopped him by tugging at the sleeve of his jacket. "You looked like yourself. Confident and very handsome." Her smile touched him in a way that made his stomach flip and he really didn't know how to reply to her compliment. He just gave her a helpless smile and Helen placed a hand on his burnt temple, giving him a tender smile in return. August grinned the awkwardness away and when he turned around his eyes fell on a huge rock that was completely flat on the top , building a natural lookout point over the region. "Look", he said pointing upwards, "the view from up there must be fantastic." 

"Yeah. Maybe." Helen gave him a look he couldn't really read. "Let's just go back home, okay?"

"First I wanna go up there." August ran his hands over the rough surface of the stones, glancing up to figure out the best way to climb the cliff.

"No, that's a bad idea, August. It's too dangerous, and your ankle…"

"My ankle is fine, Helen. It's been more than 8 weeks now. It's completely cured."

"Still... you're not a climber, you could get hurt." She sounded strangely anxious and August had no idea why. The cliff was very rocky, so that natural steps could easily be found and it wasn't very high. It didn't seem to be dangerous at all.

"You don't have to join me. I'll climb up quickly and will be back in a few minutes. You can take pictures of me conquering the mountain." He winked at her before he put a foot on a ledge and started to climb.

"No! August, please…" Helen yelled at him, the despair in her voice making him stop immediately. He turned to Helen with a frown. "I'll be carful, I promise."

"No! Don't do this. Please don't." She sank down on her knees, sobbing, staring at him pleadingly, her voice weak and trembling. August hopped off the rock and kneeled down beside her, taking her in his arms. She was crying now, hiding her face in her hands.

"Helen, calm down. I'm here, I won't climb, okay?" She wasn't able to answer, she just clinged to his body, weeping uncontrollably. He hugged her in a tight embrace, cradling her, rocking her trembling body gently back and forth. To his own surprise it didn't feel awkward or forced, it felt natural, he wanted to comfort her, he wanted to hold her and to be the one to make her feel safe and sound and all this made him realize that he had slowly and somehow unnoticed fallen for her. 

He'd been in love before, of course, he hadn't always been a bitter, cold-hearted jerk, but that was years ago in what felt like a different life. So August Walker knew love but with time he had forgotten about the sensation, after far too many disappointments in his life, not only in love but mainly in his job, he had pushed all positive emotions aside and his heart had gone numb before turning into a stone. It seemed like Helen, with her tough, aloof but captivating and caring personality, was able to touch his heart, to make him feel again, to make him love again. The thought alone scared the fuck out of him but now was not the time to worry about himself, now it was time to take care of Helen.

"Shhh... it's okay. Everything is fine, Henny." He'd never called her that before, it was his secret nickname for her, he just used it in his thoughts, and when she heard it she lifted her head to look at him with a hint of a smile, her eyes still overflowing with tears. "I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"No need to be sorry. Just try to calm down." He smiled at her tenderly and gave her hair some soft strokes, still holding her in his arms. When Helen started to relax and her breath went back to normal, August pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Helen gave him a sheepish grin. "I guess you think I'm totally nuts now." She blushed a little and August gave her a wink. "Don't worry. I've seen worse."

They didn't talk for several minutes, they just sat on the ground in the sun, snuggled up to each other.

"It's because of Allison", Helen broke the silence eventually, "she died like this." 

"She died climbing?" August asked softly and Helen nodded, a sad look on her face. "Yes, and it was my fault."

"You said she died in an accident."

"Yeah, but it was still my fault."

"Tell me about it", August asked and after a short moment of hesitation Helen took a deep breath and started to talk. She told him how she and Allison had been on a backpack trip 8 years ago, both of them working for a travel magazine, preparing  a report about Jammu and Kashmir, Helen as the writer, Allison as the photographer. They had stayed in the hut Helen lived in now, doing day trips to explore the region. Helen had heard of a special spot, a mountain that not only offered a spectacular view on a hidden lake but that also was kind of a biotope, a habitat for rare plants she wanted to write about. Allison had been hesitant about the idea of going there because they both were hikers, not climbers but Helen had persuaded her. When they had reached a plateau just below the top of the mountain Helen had backed out at the sight of the steep, exposed mountain ridge they would have to manage to get to the summit. She had refused to go any further but Allison wasn't willing to give up so close to their goal. Helen had begged her not to do it but Allison had insisted on trying. She had climbed only a few yards when she'd lost balance.

"I'll never forget the surprised sound she made when she fell. She hit a rock, hurting her head and she broke her back when she landed on the rocky ground of the plateau. It was terrifying." Helen was crying again, softly this time. August took her hand to soothe her and it seemed to work. She was able to talk again. "There was nothing I could do for her besides holding her hand. She had a fractured skull and internal bleeding. She died in my arms."

"I'm so sorry, Helen. That must have been dreadful", he squeezed her hand and he truly felt the sympathy that was showing in his eyes, "but this wasn't your fault. It was an accident."

"An accident that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't made her go on this stupid trip."

"You didn't know that it was dangerous. And it was her decision to climb on the ridge." August's voice was soft and tender and Helen was grateful for his sensitivity and his kind words. She rested her head against his chest with a sigh. "I know. The rational part of me knows that, but the irrational parts of my mind will never stop feeling that dreadful guilt. I just can't shake it off."

"Yeah, I know the feeling." August smiled at her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Why did you stay?"

"I stayed because I needed a safe space to process what had happened and to mourn. I wanted to return to Maine when I felt ready to face the world again…"

"But you're still here."

"Yeah, I grew to like my hermit life and I fell in love with a man who helped me to deal with this tragedy. And so I decided to stay for good."

"Naseer?" August guessed.

"Yes. He was such a great support. He was always there for me, helped me to buy the hut, to renovate and furnish it according to my taste but our love didn't last. In the long run he wanted me to move to his farm, to become his wife and mother to his children, to live a traditional life as a married couple. But that wasn't my dream, not my vision of my future."

"But you're still friends."

"We are. Now. It took us a few years but after his wedding we found a way to leave the past behind and become friends. He's my only friend actually."

"No, he's not", August said softly and Helen gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you. For...all this. Listening and comforting me...and, well." She shrugged, blushing, gesturing vaguely at him and her and their surroundings.

"Of course. You took good care of me, today I take care of you, okay? Just tell me what you need."

Helen nodded. "I want to go home. Let's go back and watch a movie?"

"Sure. Haven't watched a movie in ages."

They got up and walked back to the house and Helen felt strangely happy when she linked arms with him and he let it happen. She knew it was foolish to become emotionally involved with a man she knew close to nothing about, who hid every personal information from her, who was bossy and cocky and way too stubborn for his own good, but she still couldn't help it. She was falling for August Walker and there was nothing she could do about it. It wasn't the sex, not only. He was a great lover, sure, experienced and skilled but what she really liked about him besides that physical component was his dry sense of humor, his cleverness, his confidence, his dignity and his passion. The way he had fought himself back to life, his willpower, the determination to work on his recovery as soon as he was able to leave the bed, ignoring all pain and exhaustion, had shown her that he was a fighter, a survivor. A strong, protective man she was so attracted to, it really scared her and it was also pretty embarrassing that she was so turned on by his alpha male vibes and the caveman attitude. But there was more to him. He had this broody, emotional side too and she was sure deep down inside he was pretty sensitive and maybe even warm hearted. And so over the weeks she had grown feelings for him, she'd tried to fight hard but unsuccessfully. Each time she went to the bathroom after having sex with August, it was a kind of helpless and futile attempt to wash away her emotions and pour the loving feelings down the drain. Unfortunately it never took more than one look into his eyes to resurrect them. 

An hour later August and Helen were sitting on her couch in front of the TV, sharing a blanket and a plate with fruits and berries, waiting for the movie to begin. She had chosen a film called "The Shape of Water" he had never heard of before. The cover of the DVD was pretty strange, showing a couple hugging under water, the woman looking ordinary but her partner seemed to be some kind of fishman. 

"It's a great movie," Helen said not for the first time, "very moving and romantic. The female protagonist is an outsider, a mute cleaner in a lab and she falls in love with an amphibian man."

It turned out she was right. The film was amazing and it left August extremely touched and with many questions running around in his head. They were eating the last berries, discussing the end of the movie, when he blurted out what he desperately needed to know. 

"Could you fall in love with a monster?"

"He's not a monster. Not to Elisa."

"But everyone considers him to be one."

"Yes, because they don't understand him and his nature, they don't even try. But she does and she knows what lies underneath his spiky appearance."

"So you could? Fall in love with a man who is considered to be a bad man, an enemy, an unscrupulous monster?"

Helen looked him in the eyes, taking her time to answer. "If he was honest with me...if he let me see who he really is...if he explained himself to me and let me draw my own conclusions. Yes, under these conditions, I could fall in love with a monster. I'd rather have an honest monster than a lying saint."

August closed his eyes with a sigh that was full of relief but also filled with fear.

"Well, then let this monster tell you its story."

"You're not a monster…", Helen turned to look at him with a deep frown.

"No, Helen, please. Just listen, okay? And then -as you said- you can draw your own conclusions."

She gave him a nod and August started to talk. He told Helen about his loveless childhood with physically and emotionally absent parents, his youth as the time he gained recognition for being an extraordinarily good athlete and how it turned him into a confident, popular jock. His career at the CIA, his life as an agent, doing all the dirty jobs efficiently, eliminating public enemies indiscriminately and without asking questions in the first years. He admitted that he was nothing less than an authorized assassin legitimized by the state and he described how he got more and more frustrated with time, questioning his job, the national authorities and politics. He pointed out to her that his disillusionment, the years of frustration and the feeling of being caught in an unjust and outdated machinery culminated in following the ideas of Solomon Lane and finally in writing a manifesto under the pseudonym of John Lark. The hardest part was to confess that he had planned on eliminating one third of mankind by letting off a nuclear bomb in the mountains of Kashmir to alter things for the better. After he had ended with telling Helen about Ethan Hunt and their fight he was anxiously waiting for her reaction, not daring to look at her. 

She didn't say anything for a very long time. When she finally started to speak, her voice sounded weak. "You would have killed me and all the wonderful people in this valley without the blink of an eye if Ethan Hunt hadn't stopped you?"

"Yes."

Helen nodded. 

"I see. And if you had another chance, would you try again? Do you still stand by what you wrote in that manifesto?"

"No. I don't. Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"I've had a lot of time to think about it during the last weeks and I lost my conviction. You've shown me another side of life, of thinking. You have made me feel again. Feelings I haven't had for the longest time. Feelings of love, Helen." August almost whispered the last words, scared of her reaction but Helen just nodded again, her face blank, her expression unreadable.

"Say something, Helen. Please." He took her hand but she pulled away.

"I can't, August. Not yet. I need time to process all you've just told me. I need some time on my own." 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm going to return the folding bed to Naseer tonight and I'm going to ask him if I can stay with him and his family for a few days because I don't feel well and don't want to be alone. I'll return when I've made up my mind and when I have we won't need a second bed anymore. One way or another."

*****

[youbloodymadgenius]

Angel’s Touch (Modern!Ivar x reader)

A/N: This is my long overdue contribution to @rosepetals-flyingbirds‘ challenge. I’m sorry it took me so long, babe 💖 I’ve been going through a lot lately (including the loss of a loved one) and I wasn’t in the mood to write 😔

The prompt, as usual, is in bold.

Thanks to the lovely @geekandbooknerd for beta reading this for me 🌺

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

The gif belongs to @therealcalicali 💐

Summary: Ivar's always been very secretive when it comes to his legs. How is he going to react when you tell him you want to know all of him?

Warnings: angst; fluff at the end; Ivar’s insecurities; soft and vulnerable Ivar.

Words: 4600

"I'm coming!" you shout enthusiastically, wrapping a soft towel around your body before closing the bathroom door behind you. 

 Wincing at your words, Ivar hastily hides his legs under the comforter. "That was a close one…", he mumbles while breathing a sigh of relief. Deep down, he knows he's not doing the right thing. Avoiding the problem will not make it go away.

 He can't help himself, though. He still has nightmares about that awful night with Margrethe. It was years ago, yet memories of her disgusted look as well as her eyes full of pity still haunt his nights, vivid and humiliating. 

He doesn't want to go through that again. It would be unbearable and painful, much worse than the dull ache he's used to enduring every day. No, he definitely can't relive it. Shuddering at this thought, Ivar squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists tight. 

 He won't allow it. He can't. Because he's not sure he can get over it again. After Margrethe, he had been broken – more broken than his broken bones – for so long. It had taken him years of therapy to stop being disgusted by himself, to stop hating himself for what he was. A freak. It had taken him years to endure looking at himself in a mirror. And it had taken him years to imagine sharing a bed with a woman again. 

 Oh, of course, he had fucked every so often. He needed it after the complete fiasco with Margrethe. He had to prove himself that he could… But it had always been in a hurry, and with random, uninteresting women. Till you…

 You. You're not random, and definitely not uninteresting. You're beautiful and smart, patient and funny, warmhearted and caring but never overbearing. You're… perfect, he thinks, and it scares him as much as it makes him shiver with excitement. On top of that, so far you don't seem bothered by his legs and he wants to keep it that way. 

 His legs. His fucking legs. The averted elephant in the room. Well, averted… more or less. Because if you've never seen them, you know the braces, the crutches, the uneven gait and he's pretty sure you've figured out his pain. But you two never talk about them. He knows that you understood from the beginning that they were, they are a major issue for him. You're smart enough for that. 

 Yet, you never bring them up and he couldn't be more grateful. He's very aware that he can't keep going like this for long. But he doesn't know how to address what is, to him, a huge matter of concern. He's afraid you'll go away as soon as you realize how damaged his legs are, how crippled he really is. He doesn't want to lose you. He can't. That would be insufferable. And he knows exactly why. It's not just that he likes you, that sex is great, and that you're fun to be around, no… He's helplessly falling in love with you. It may be terrifying, but it's no less true.

 That's why he does what he does. That's why he's always hurrying up, hiding, avoiding. It doesn't matter if it leads sometimes to awkward situations. It doesn't matter if you're not fooled. All that matters is that you don't see his legs; not for a long time anyway; and most preferably never.

 Inhaling deeply, Ivar slips his hands under the comforter, rubs his scrawny, bony, twisted thighs, feeling their scarred skin and grunting in disgust. He knows he's wrong, he knows he's not going anywhere, but he can't help. He can't risk losing you. 

 ***

 More sad than irritated, you hardly stifle a sigh as you enter the room. Once again, Ivar is unsurprisingly already in bed, his fluffy comforter keeping his legs out of sight. 

 His legs… A fucking huge elephant in the room… It's amazing – not in a good way – how something that's never addressed can take up so much space.  

 The truth is, you know a lot about them. Being a son of Ragnar, the man who rules Scandinavia – at least economically but surely politically too, with friends in the right places and enough money to corrupt them – didn't allow Ivar to grow up in the shadow. Ivar's life therefore has always been on display, making headlines more often than not. So you know about his disease and its inherent struggles, about the surgeries and about the pain – well, now you even witness it sometimes, and the way he always tries to hide it is heartwrenching. 

 You know more than you'd like to since you even know about his supposed failing sex life, that bitch whose name you've long forgotten having told her story to everyone around. It doesn't matter though, as you can testify that Ivar's cock is far from dysfunctional. 

 Anyway, if you know a lot – truths or lies – about his condition and about his legs, you don't know them. And you're aware it has to change. You just don't know how. You can't be too straightforward or Ivar will close up on you. Yet you can't let things go on like this for too long, because it's unhealthy. And an unhealthy relationship with Ivar is the last thing you want, both for his and your sake. 

 Somehow always in your mind, his legs make things awkward. Sex is great, but could even be better, for they prevent you from being spontaneous. The last thing you want is to make Ivar, the man you're falling in love with, uncomfortable. So, you don't speak about them because you can feel he doesn't want to speak about them. You don't look at them because his tight jaw is unmistakable each time your eyes wander to his lower body. You do your best never to touch them, which isn't easy when you share his bed. In short, most of the time you act as if they don't exist. And this has got to stop. 

 You can't let this unspoken thing continue to grow between the two of you or it will end up becoming a problem that will eat you up, you do know it with utmost certainty. You won't allow it. You can't. Ivar is important to you, to say the least, and you're pretty sure he reciprocates your feelings. You see it in his huge blue eyes that sparkle each time he looks at you; you hear it in the softness of his tone each time he talks to you. 

 So yeah, the whole situation annoys you. It doesn't mean that his legs annoy you. They don't. You won't lie, you're a little nervous about them. How could you not, given how sensitive a subject they are? Will you say the right thing? Do the right thing? Will you hurt Ivar unwillingly? Just thinking about it, about them, makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Ivar is being very touchy when it comes to them, to those-legs-we-mustn't-talk-about, it seems to you that the slightest word could ruin everything. And you don't want that. Gods, you don't. Yet, you're not sure how to handle well something that important.

  That's the point. His legs are that important. They shouldn't be. They shouldn't matter. They don't matter. Of course, you're not stupid. Ivar has a disability, there's no denying it. But it doesn't define him, right? What defines him is his outstanding intelligence, his sharp mind, and his deadpan, ironic humour. And well, if you're being honest, his ridiculous handsomeness too… It might sound shallow, but… who cares?  

 Anyway, enough is enough. Things must change and you're sure Ivar won't be the one initiating the change. It leaves you no choice, you know it. Your heart hammering in your chest, you rub your sweaty palms together before inhaling deeply. That's it. Let it be done. The sooner the better.  

 ***

 "Are you not coming?" Ivar's blue eyes are scrutinizing you from under furrowed brows as you scrabble around in your small overnight bag, as an idea has just popped into your head.

 Glancing at him over your shoulder, you barely nod while swallowing the lump in your throat. "Of course I am, give me a minute." You reply after a while, sounding more confident than you feel. But you know it's a good idea. It could be the first step. It could work. It has to work. 

 Your hands are shaking but your heart is filled with hope when you eventually find what you were looking for. "Here it is.", you mutter, a tentative smile playing on your lips as you turn towards your lover, who looks at the silk scarf in your hand with a mischievous grin. 

 "What is it on your naughty mind?" He asks playfully, tilting his head in his very own way, the one that melts your heart each and every time. "You want to blindfold me, Y/N?" His low, deep voice sends shivers down your spine. "Or maybe you'd rather be blindfolded? It's up to you, I'm totally on board with either one." He swallows heavily, and when he licks his upper lip and then the lower in a slow-moving and sensual motion, a familiar warmth spreads in your lower belly. 

  Of course, he had to misread the situation. And you, you're so easily, pathetically flustered! Closing your eyes to push away any distracting thoughts, you inhale deeply while just shaking your head no as you don't trust yourself to speak right now. 

 Raising a brow, Ivar gives you a questioning look. "So, what is it about, then?" His tone is more serious now, you can almost feel a hint of uneasiness in his voice as if a part of his brain already suspects what's in your mind. 

 "Actually, I want to be blindfolded, but not to do what you're thinking about." You explain, shyly lowering your gaze. "I'd like to try something." You speak in a whisper but with honesty, fidgeting with the little silver Mjölnir – a gift from Ivar – you wear around your neck. "If it's okay with you." You add, your shaky voice giving away your nervousness. 

 Confused, Ivar looks at you with knitted brows. Since you don't want to explain further – because you're sure that if you told him of your plan, he would deny you – you just climb on the bed, kneel next to him and bring the scarf to your face, wrapping it around your head and over your eyes before tying it in the back with a tight knot. 

 Being blinded like that, even if it's of your own volition, is quite unsettling, you must say. You feel weirdly exposed, vulnerable, in your tiny shorts and a tank top and you have to inhale and exhale slowly several times in order to calm your nerves. 

 Uncertain, Ivar keeps quiet, his breathing just a little bit shorter than usual. "Y/N?" His hesitant voice startles you and you swallow, biting your inner cheek. 

 You know you have to take action, the sooner the better. So you fumble blindly on the bed and as you find Ivar's hand, you bring it to your mouth, kissing each knuckle one after the other while your free hand slips under the comforter. 

 His breath hitches, yet Ivar doesn't react, doesn't stop you, as you slowly lift the comforter, pulling it away. But when your fingers graze what you think is his thigh, he grabs your wrist, wrapping his fingers around it. 

 "What…" Ivar stutters, his grip tight enough to bruise your delicate skin, "… What are you doing, Y/N?" His voice, barely audible, is nothing more than a shaky whisper that wrings your heart. 

 Yet, you won't back down. "Let me, Ivar, please…" You beg softly, but to no avail. Ivar rushes his words, panic coursing through his veins. "Stop Y/N! Don't, please don't, I… They are… They are ugly. I… I can't." That's it. He can't. Just thinking of you exposing his disgusting legs, he feels like throwing up. He can't. 

 Hearing your lover so upset, and maybe even close to tears, is heartbreaking. Raising your free hand, you find his arm, then his shoulder, his neck, and finally his face, which you cup tenderly. 

 "You do know I won't see them, don't you?" You ask carefully, peppering light kisses along his jaw while trying to slow down the frantic pace of your own heart. 

 Ivar doesn't miss a beat, pushing you away gently but very firmly. "You don't need your sight to feel how hideous they are." Almost convinced to give up by his broken voice, you struggle to keep in mind that postponing the problem can't be a solution. 

 "That's what you think about them, how you see them, Ivar, that's not what they are." Your tone soft and soothing, you're trying to convey how much you care. "And it's certainly not how I'm going to see or to feel them."

 "How would you know?" You can tell that he shifts in the bed to sit upright, his back against the headboard. His fingers still around your wrist, you have to stifle a hiss of pain when he changes position. 

 "Because they are a part of you. Nothing from you, or about you, can be ugly." You wince, realizing that you've just opened up to him more than you would have liked. But well, speaking your mind isn't a bad thing, right? 

 As Ivar, dumbstruck, keeps quiet, you decide to strike the iron while it's hot. Once again finding his cheek, your thumb lightly strokes it while you speak. "Let me touch them, Ivar…"

 You know him well enough to be sure that right now, a storm is clouding his features. But as his breathing starts to quicken and as his grip on your wrist loosens, you understand that he's more frightened than angry. "Please…" You plead, aiming blindly a reassuring smile in his direction. 

 "But… Wh… Why?" He's never felt so scared, not even with Margrethe. Even if the rational part of him knows you're right, he won't give up yet, not without fighting. "Why… Why does it have to be? You don't need to touch those fucking…", swallowing, he closes his eyes briefly, "… you don't need to touch my legs, Y/N. You don't. We could just go on like this, as we have done up to now. Believe me, it will be better like that."

 "No, it won't." You sigh, shaking your head. Ivar's distress may break your heart, yet you're more and more convinced that this is the right thing to do. "Let me touch them, Ivar, please…" You simply repeat, your free hand still on his cheek.

 "Why… Why is it so important to you?" As soon as the words escape his lips, he regrets them, wishes he could take them back. He should have said no. Why didn't he say no? Slapping himself internally, he rolls his eyes, annoyed as much by his own stupidity as by your stubbornness. 

 You answer in a sweet whisper, placing your hand on his chest. He's sure you can feel the crazy thumping of his heart under your palm. "Because your legs are a part of you, and I want to know everything about you. Will you let me, Ivar?"

 Ivar, deeply moved by your words, is eager to believe them. But on the other hand, it's so… frightening; unsettling. Not used to being so vulnerable in front of someone, he feels like he's being ripped apart, and gods, he hates it! "I… I don't know… I'm… not sure…" He eventually stammers almost unwillingly, more or less denying you once more, yet his resolution starts to falter, and he knows you can hear it. 

 Even more surprising, it's as if his body betrayed him, his fingers finally releasing your wrist. As you gasp, astonished and pleased, he ponders for a few moments before deciding – if deciding something against what seems to be your own will is even a thing – he won't stop you. He knows he could, but he also knows you're right. So, conflicted and petrified with fear, he just waves his hand, wiggling his fingers, and mumbles under his breath a faint "go ahead" that you almost miss.

 "Is that a 'yes', Ivar?" Full of hope and with what you're sure is a beaming smile on your lips, you intertwine your fidgeting fingers and put your hands on your lap, anxiously awaiting his reply. 

 His jaw clenched, Ivar just nods. At first, he doesn't realize that you can't see him. As the silence drags on, he furrows his brows, confused, before breathing a hesitant answer. "Yeahhh…" Digging his fingernails into his palms, he waits for your next move, almost like someone awaiting a death sentence.

 Sensing his anxiousness, you raise your hands and then move them very slowly, willing to give Ivar time to stop you if he needs to. Since he doesn't utter a word nor grab your wrists, you keep going, your fingers grazing what surely is his lower belly before finding the hem of his cotton boxer shorts. 

 Intensely aware of the importance of the moment, you can't help but swallow loudly, your stomach tied in knots. You started all this, and even if you're still not sure if it's the right time – will there ever be a right time for this? – you have to keep going. But you're scared. What if it'll push Ivar over the edge? What if it is too much for him? What if you won't handle this as well as you think you will? You don't want to lose him. Your mind suddenly filled with doubts, you do the only thing you can think of, and send a silent prayer to the gods, hoping they can help the two of you. 

 Holding his breath, Ivar looks at your hands as if he was hypnotized. His eyes wide open, he can't move, can't speak, utterly terrified of what is to come. He knows he should trust you. Maybe he does. But he doesn't trust himself. No, that's not true. Most of the time, Ivar doesn't lack self-confidence. He knows his worth. He's aware of the strength of his intelligence, his cunning. He knows about his good looks – even if they're quite useless; or about his highly appreciated caustic humour. And as he's no fool, he knows that being a Ragnarsson – name, wealth, all the stuff – is a major asset. Yet, when it comes to his legs, he's nothing more than a frightened little boy, so anxious that he's ready to fall apart. Feeling ashamed, self-conscious, and helpless, he's wondering how much tenser he can become until he physically shatters. Conflicted, he wants you to stop as well as he wants you to keep going. This has to be done. This should never be done. He's in love with you. You will never love him. You won't hurt him. He'll be hurt once again. Hectic, opposing thoughts are constantly fighting in his mind, leaving him frozen in fear and panicked. So, since he can't think straight, he does the only thing he can think of and sends a silent prayer to the gods. May they help him; help you. 

 Uselessly closing your eyes behind the blindfold, you gather your strength. Ivar didn't stop you. That's good. That means he wants you to do it, right? Inhaling deeply, you try to stop the shaking in your hands, and then, slightly leaning forward, you let your fingertips run over his thighs, barely touching them. You forget how to breathe and Ivar is so still, so quiet, you think he's not breathing either. 

 As you become bolder, you place the flat of your hands on his legs, careful not to apply any pressure. Under your palms, you can feel every bump, every scar, every broken bone. Your movements intentionally agonizingly slow, your hands move down to his protruding knee caps before finding his atrophied calves, their wasted muscles evident to the touch. You can't think how painful walking, or even just standing up, must be. The thought spreads a dull ache in your chest, but you keep your face emotionless, aware that if you can't see him, Ivar can see you. Rather than dwelling on it, you continue exploring, and when your fingers brush against the sole of one of his misshaped, scrawny feet, Ivar flinches. "Sorry," you mumble, "I didn't know you were ticklish." Since Ivar doesn't react, you're not sure he heard you and decide to slowly move your hands up his legs, placing them back on his bony thighs. 

 Keeping his eyes on you the whole time, Ivar struggles to breathe, his heart pounding wildly in his rib cage. He's surprised, he must say. He expected to see disgust or pity on your face, but there's none of that. Of course, he can't see your eyes, but a small smile never leaves your lips. Could it be that you're not disgusted? In any case, you don't seem troubled by what you're feeling. Maybe you're hiding it, but if so, you're hiding it well. He's also surprised because he expected to hate every moment of the process. Himself, he's all the time trying to avoid touching his legs. He hates PT sessions and doctor's appointments with a passion for a reason. But your touch is… enjoyable if he can push away all his doubts and his awful thoughts. It strikes him all of a sudden: it's probably the first time someone touches his legs for no reason at all. They were regularly massaged, checked for injuries, examined, palpated; of course, they were. But there was always a medical reason. Even when his mother touched them, it was to ease the pain. But you… you decided to touch his ugly limbs just because you wanted to. And just now, he realizes how much he missed that. Can he really miss something he's never known? He's not sure, but here he is, enjoying your featherlike touch, craving it, not wanting it to stop. Yes, he likes it; needs it. But what if, after tonight, you don't want to touch them again? He wouldn't blame you, who would want to touch such repulsive things? The thought brings bile to his throat and he knows it won't stop plaguing his mind. So he has to know, whatever it takes. Moving for the first time, he runs a trembling hand through his hair and summons all his courage.

 "You… you didn't say a word." His quivering voice startles you, making your heart swell with sadness. You don't need your eyes to know that Ivar is filled with dread. The need to reassure him compels you to blindly fumble on the bed until you find his hand, which you grasp between yours. "What do you want me to say?" You ask cautiously, your thumb lightly stroking his knuckles. 

 You can feel Ivar stiffening, his fingernails probably bruising your palms as he lets out a shuddering breath. "I…" He stops to swallow. "The… truth, Y/N. Go ahead, speak your mind. You… you touched…" He stutters, and you're willing to bet his eyes are tightly shut, his tone giving away his level of anxiety. "… you touched them. My legs, I mean. I know… I know how they feel, ugly and disgusting… no need to sugarcoat your thoughts… I… I can handle the truth…" His voice cracks at the end, contradicting his words.

 Releasing his hand, you graze his right thigh with gentle fingers. "No, Ivar", you speak softly yet firmly, "that's not how they feel, at least not to me." You know you have to be honest, you can't just say nonsensical, lovey-dovey things, he won't buy it. "I won't tell you they feel beautiful. They don't." Choosing your words carefully, you let your pointer finger follow a massive scar from his mid-thigh to his knee. "They feel different, and yes, you can feel the scars. It must have been painful, it's probably still is. But I promise you, they're not disgusting. They're your legs. They say a lot, Ivar. They're telling a story, your story. That's why I wanted to know them because as I said earlier, I want to know all about you. And they are part of you. I do think they finally deserve to be cared about, to be loved. Let me love them…" You whisper the last words, feeling vulnerable. 'Let me love you…' is what you want to add, but you know you can't, not yet, so instead you lean forward, your lips brushing and then kissing his thigh.

 Something between a whine and a choked sob escapes his lips and you can hear his breath hitch as his hand gets up close to your neck. "Did I hurt you?" You ask with concern, frowning behind the blindfold. 

 Ivar can't help but smile, even if you can't see it. "No!" he replies quickly, his hand now on the back of your head. "I wasn't expecting that, the kiss I mean, but I… liked it." He explains shyly, surprised by his own words. "Actually, I loved it." He's not lying. He loved the kiss, he loved your words; it's as if a tremendous weight had just been lifted off of him. Part of him tells him not to believe everything you said, but he decides not to. He didn't hear any malice or mischief in your voice. He knows you were being genuine. That's why, choosing to chase the disbelief away, he decides to trust you completely. And that's why, suddenly, without warning, he pulls off the blindfold.

 "What are you doing, Ivar?" You squeak, immediately closing your eyes and picking up the comforter. But as you intend to cover his legs, Ivar grabs your wrists with both hands. "Just leave it where it is." He retorts before letting out a heavy sigh. "And open your eyes."

 You do as you're told, but keep your eyes on his face. There are tears in his eyes and a whirlwind of emotions. "Just look at them, Y/N." He almost commands you, but you know that's a way to hide his true feelings behind bravado. 

 Blinking a few times and scrunching your face, you tilt your head to the side, scrutinizing him. "Are you sure?"

 Your lover just shrugs, biting his lower lip. "Will I ever be?" Taking a deep breath, he adds in a murmur. "But I trust you."

 ***

 Later that night, as you're sound asleep, your head on his chest and his arm around your waist, Ivar can't get sleep, amazed that you didn't run away. He keeps replaying what you did when you saw his legs. You had just smiled. And kissed them one more time. And then thanked him for trusting you, for allowing you to love them. Moved and overwhelmed, he could see the matching tears in your eyes, but no sadness on your face. What he saw instead was relief, and care, and… love? 

 Kissing your head, he mumbles. "It is I who should be thanking you. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, but whatever it was, I'm glad. If angels are real, you're mine. I won't let you go, Y/N, never ever." 

 "I love you…" He finally whispers, taking advantage of your slumber. Well, little does he know you're awake but staying perfectly still. You know you weren't meant to hear those three words, not yet. And it doesn't matter. You can wait. You and Ivar have a lifetime to love each other. 

 All of him. All of you. 

🛡⚔️🛡

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[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. This is part 2. You delve deeper into your relationship with Poe and he reveals some secrets about himself that break your heart.

Will you ultimately sign the papers and walk away?

Warnings, smut, angst, talk of PTSD and genocide, fluff, not for anyone under 18.

Scene 2, Aftermath

The atmosphere in the room immediately changed, from the giddy euphoria of great sex to one of awkward silence.

You had given in to temptation and his seductive charms. Poe could look at you with his smoldering good looks and he knew that you would soon be in his bed.

You hated yourself for having sex with him and enjoying it too. But Poe had that effect on you, mentally and physically, it was nearly impossible for you to resist him.

You suspected that Poe knew this, and took advantage of it at times.

After a chance encounter at a birthday party for a mutual friend you met Poe. You fell hard for the handsome, brave black leader and he fell for you too.

You were both absolutely besotted and had trouble keeping your eyes, and hands, off of each other.

You'd never loved anyone with such an intense passion, a ferocity, as Poe.

After dating for nearly one year the two of you decided to get married in a quick but lovely little ceremony. Surprising everyone around you.

Some of your friends had expressed a little concern that things were progressing too quickly, including Finn.

But you were too blinded by love, maybe even lust, to listen.

Your son was conceived on your wedding night, both of you were ecstatic at the news that you were going to be parents.

But noone was more excited than Poe. No matter what he tried to be there for every check up and pampered you while you were pregnant and after the birth of your son.

Everything happened at a dizzying pace, a blur. Within two years you had become a wife and a mother.

You were starting to realize that maybe things happened too quickly. That instead of spending a little more time to know and understand Poe you had instead rushed off, gotten married and had given birth to his child.

But then you would gaze into the dark eyes of your beautiful baby, kiss the top of his little head that was covered in dark curly hair and see Poe, your husband, and start to fall in love even more.

It was a painful cycle that was ripping you apart at the seams.

"I guess I could say that I'll always have some affection for you because you are the father of my child." You explained calmly as you looked down. "But I can't say that I love you anymore".

"I'll always love you but then again I'll always love Finn too". Poe confessed as he looked away from you. "We have a special bond that you wouldn't understand, we've been through so much together".

"Why weren't you honest with me about Finn? Are you still closeted?" You continued calmly. "I don't get it, I feel like I was lied to and led on".

Poe looked irritated at your choice of words. Finally with a deep sigh he looked at you and said,

"There was never a closet, I fucking hate that term".

"Then what was it then?" You continued, genuinely curious.

"I always assumed that everyone knew about us, that Finn and I were more than friends, we were so obvious at times". Poe continued, laughing bitterly. "But certain higher ups didn't want us to be together so we kind of kept things hidden, a secret".

"I'm so sorry to hear that and I can't say that I understand how it feels". You confessed as you looked down again. "Just so you know I don't hate Finn, this isn't his fault, he's still my friend".

"Jakku broke me a little". Poe confessed with a bitter laugh as he fought back tears. "A lot, actually, I still have nightmares about everything sometimes, Finn supported me and helped me with things when noone else wanted to, or could, he understands me".

Poe's candid and raw confession brought tears to your eyes. You could see the hurt and torment in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

"If you want to cry, do it". You told him with a slight smile as you took Poe into your arms. "Let it all out, if you can, talk to me".

"The first order killed everyone in their path, including women and children". Poe told you as he buried his face into your shoulder and started to shake. "A mother and her little girl were killed right in front of me, when I try to sleep sometimes I can still hear their screams".

You had to remain strong for him but your heart was shattered by his confession.

You held onto him tightly and protectively, kissing him on the top of his head, as Poe started to cry. He felt safe in your arms as you lovingly cradled him.

"I love you and I don't want you to go". Poe confessed as he snuggled closer to you.

Poe got on top of you and started to kiss you again, you let it happen, and progress. It didn't take long for him to be back inside of you, and you were enjoying soft, half asleep sex.

Your bodies, and souls, felt deeply connected.

You'd be a liar if you said that his bare cock didn't feel good inside of your body. It felt too good, actually. The raw, skin on skin sensation was almost overwhelming to your senses.

Poe enjoyed his second climax deep inside of you, you felt it too. His cock got extremely hard, and warm, as he spilled his thick seed within you.

You were taken back to the warm, beautiful night that your son was lovingly conceived.

The scent of sex clung heavily in the air, just like that night too.

Only this time you felt like the smell of your sweaty, mingling bodies was taunting you.

"This isn't good, not good at all". You confessed as you burst into tears and held your head in your hands.

"Gee, thanks a lot". Poe snapped as he turned his back to you.

"Why did you even marry me if you knew that you were in love with Finn?" You screamed as you burst into tears.

"Because". Poe snapped, sitting up and looking you deeply in the eyes as he fought back tears. "You could give me the one thing that Finn can't, okay? I don't know what I would do or where I would even be without my son".

"So you used my body like an incubator?" You screamed back as you slapped him as hard as you could across his handsome face.

"It's not like that". Poe explained as he started to cry. "I love you too, I didn't use you, it's just that you could have my children, and I guess I wanted my kids to grow up with a mom and dad".

"You picked a poor choice of words". You screamed as you stood up and got out of bed. "It's over, Poe".

You went into the kitchen and shakily signed the divorce decree, as soon as you were finished you got dressed and left, without saying goodbye.

Six months later

You were free. A single woman again. Much to your surprise your last sexual encounter with your now ex husband had resulted in a second pregnancy, another boy.

After many tears and much debate the two of you decided to keep the baby.

Poe was excited that he was going to be a father again.

Finn and Poe were living together and engaged. You had patched up things a little with your ex and were now friends.

"You're huge! How are you feeling?"

"A little tired and achy but otherwise fine, the second pregnancy is going along a little easier".

"I can't wait for our second little boy to be here".

You were nearly 7 months pregnant and had decided to surprise Poe in the resistance hangar.

He looked ridiculously sexy in his orange jumper, his curly hair askew.

Even though you were no longer together Poe was once again a loving and supportive partner.

You were the friendliest of exes. You even had plans to attend his wedding after the baby was born.

"Why did you walk away so easily?" Poe asked with a slight smile as he lovingly rubbed your massive baby bump, leaning down and kissing it.

"Everyone deserves to be with their soulmate". You confessed as you fought back tears. "And it can't be denied what you and Finn have".

"So you love me so much that you let me go?" Poe asked with a soft smile as he lovingly embraced you.

"Yes". You confessed, finally losing control of your emotions as a flood of tears streaked down your face.

"I love you too". Poe whispered into your ear as he held you tight. "And I'm sorry that you found out the way you did".

The end

[danicarosaline]

Until i met you

𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

The anon request: G’day gorgeous, was wondering if i could request jj x kook reader! Shes rlly great friends w/ rafe, topper, kelce but somehow ends up falling for a pogue(jj) and she keeps the lil crush a secret from her friends? fluff if you will🥰

Warnings: swear words, fluff & angst (theres a punch on)

A/N: reading my own fics makes me cringe for some reason lolol anyways, i hope y’all like this one!! 🌸✨

For the sake of the story, JJ works at a cafe called ‘The Milk Bar’ & he’s a barista there.

You perch yourself onto a dark blue beach towel, not quite sure if it was yours or Kelce’s since your towels were almost identical. It was high noon and the sun beat down with intense ferocity that caused sweat to trickle down your neck and back as a few strands of baby hair clung to your forehead. You felt like you were showering in your own sweat and even though this big old tree hovered above the four of you, sheltering y’all from the sun just a tad and a cold drink stowed in your left hand, it still wasn’t enough for the heat to be bearable.

Not to mention that the sand was far too hot to walk on. whose idea was it to flee to the beach on the hottest day of the summer? the sidewalk was hot enough to fry an egg for crying out loud.

“Whose idea was it to come here?” Kelce whined as if he read your mind. Topper clicks his tongue from where he stood, turning himself around to face Kelce with an annoyed expression. “I'm sorry man, I thought it would be a good idea okay? sorry for suggesting” he replies with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

“Whatever dumbass”

“You know what Kelce, you’re a dick”

“What? how?”

“You’ve done nothing but complain the entire time we’ve been out and I’m-“

“Yeah, I don't care- how come your pool is malfunctioning itself when we need it the most? Explain yourself Top”

“I have literally explained it twice already! have you not been list-“

“Will you two shut up for a fucking second?” Rafe bellowed as he ran a hand through his soaked blond locks, fingers hovering just above the screen of his new Iphone.

You chuckled lightly at the three in front of you, bringing up the cold water bottle to your lips for the hundredth time that day. “It was a good idea at the time Toppy, but right now it’s just way too hot to walk around this sand” you factually state, smiling up at the pouty boy sweetly.

“Shall we leave then and go back to my place?” Kelce suggested and you nod enthusiastically. This heat was getting worse by the minute and you were sure that you would pass out at any moment. Rafe waves a hand in the air, not having a single care about the conversation and where the group ends up at, his attention still glued to his phone. Topper’s shoulders deflate a little. Seemingly annoyed at his friends for wanting to leave the beach so suddenly but an idea crosses his mind.

“Yo why don’t we head to the Milk Bar first? I heard that place sells the best ice cream on the island and it’s not even that far from here!”

A pretty hostess around her mid twenties welcomed you once the four of you arrived at the small cafe Topper had suggested and as you drink in the aroma of the place you couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t all that from what you heard from the other kooks, charitably speaking. But it was definitely very well decorated with it’s interior warm and cheery and colourful walls and it’s ridiculous amount of flower pots. It was simple, but nonetheless cute in it’s own way.

You were about to scold the boys for looking like a bunch of perverts ogling at the pretty hostess but before you could do so, a cute barista behind the marbled countertop caught your eye. His blond hair was unruly; tied up into a tiny cute bun at the top of his head and a loose black shirt covering his frame along with a brown apron.

Damn those arms. You tilt your head thoughtlessly to get a better angle of the way his arms flex through his tee, not at all realizing how you look to the others who stared at you with curious eyes.

“Oh fuck no”

You snapped out of your daze and angled your neck to look at Rafe who was sitting beside you, his brows furrowed, lips formed into a somewhat frown. You took one last glance at the blond barista and then back at the other blond next to you. Not quite understanding why Rafe all of the sudden became tense. You were the new kook on the island and have only been around for about three or four months, give or take? After all those months of being around the three, insanely attractive kooks, you never actually took notice on how protective these boys had become over you. ‘Never get yourself involved with a pogue. They are dirty, weak and all around devious’ was one of the rules you had to commit to. Ridiculous i know, but you loved the friends you came to know so you obeyed.

“That blondie over there? He’s a pogue and the worst one possible so don’t even think about going there” Rafe asserts protectively and you felt intimidated under his intense stare. Not knowing what to say, you just nodded in response and Rafe gave your nose a gentle boop, end of conversation.

“-whatever Kelce, anyways, who's paying?” Topper speaks with a mouthful of strawberries in his mouth, making you grimace at the sight before you. You reached over the table to close his mouth and hand him a few serviettes for the mess he made around himself.

“Not me”

“Yeah, not me either!”

“Nhut meh”

“Ew Toppy eat with your mouth closed for the love of god! And don’t worry you idiots, i'll pay” you offered with the roll of your eyes. For a bunch of rich kids they sure don’t wanna pay for themselves. ‘You’re richer than us combined’ Rafe would announce childishly whilst the other two agreed with certainty. What a bunch of dorks.

Upon making it at the front counter, you feel yourself freeze as you come face to face with the cute barista you had your eyes on. You couldn’t identify the colour of his eyes from the distance of where you sat but evidently, they were ethereally a deep ocean blue that was so full of life. He had smooth sun-kissed skin and if you lean in just a bit, you could see the small freckles sprinkled about like confetti. This boy was beautiful from head to toe it seems and there was no denying that.

“Hello, how was everything miss? Have our desserts reached up to your satisfactions?” He asked, the tonality of his voice sounded just as good as he looks. You reply back with an audible yes, biting down on your bottom lip slightly out of a nervous habit. After all, you were always the shy type. Especially around handsome strangers such as- you took a glimpse at the name tag pinned on the strap of his apron- JJ. Handsome strangers such as JJ.

“I especially loved the coffee chocolate um..” you trail off, having forgotten the name of the dessert you ordered but luckily JJ knew exactly what you were referring to. “Ah yes, the coffee chocolate ripple ice cream. That’s everyone's go-to around here” the blond chuckles and you nod. “I’m not surprised to be honest, coffee ice cream slaps! It’s the best out of all the other flavors i reckon”

He didn’t match your enthusiasm for the flavour, since chocolate was his favourite, but then your eyes lit up and the prettiest of grins decorated your undoubtedly stunning features, making him swoon at the pure sight. He claimed that it was his favourite ice cream, just so he could see that smile on your face again. He thought he’d seen you somewhere before. Definitely not a past hook up because how could he forget such a pretty face? His eyes flashed towards your table and then back at you. As if a lightbulb had been switched on in his mind, his eyes widen when his brain contemplated on who you were. He asked for your name and sure enough, you were the one he was thinking of. The new kook from Figure Eight. The chick who was glued to Rafe’s side at all times, Topper’s best friend and Kelce’s family friend. JJ hated those stuck up, pieces of shits and he wanted to despise you by simply being around them, but he felt drawn to you. The reasoning for that is unknown to him, so unusual and unfamiliar. Maybe it was because you looked angelic standing in front of him and the innocence radiating off of you got him believing that you were different from the rest.

☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎

“Is this even a top?”

You reached out toward your maroon curtains and drew it aside in one swift motion, spinning back around to rummage through the diverse of clothes sprawled across the bed. JJ held a white lace up, silk crop top in his hands, observing it attentively with arch brows. “Where’s the back of this shit?” He asked, pulling on the strings to untangle it from the soft material.

“Dude it’s supposed to be a backless top and stop pulling on the strings! You’ll ruin it!” Snatching the top out of his hands, you throw him the white tee he accidentally left at your house last week. That’s what led you both here actually, getting ready together for another boneyard party, with your clothes all out and about everywhere messily because JJ’s favourite top was missing from his own closet. He ran to you without a second thought, already knowing that if he somehow loses something of his, it will undoubtedly be at your house.

After your first encounter with the blond at the Milk Bar, (that seemed like it was just yesterday but in fact it was almost a year ago now) JJ had been nothing but an amazing friend to you since. Much to the dismay of your three boy-friends.

JJ kept in touch with you after the countless amount of times he ran into you at a boneyard party. Never had he met anyone who could drink him under the table up until you, hence, wanting to keep you as close as possible. You got along with his friends well, too well to be exact as if you were a pogue yourself, and it was only the way you dressed and styled your hair that made you look so out of place with them. They loved you nonetheless, more so than they could admit but you were still a kook that was slumming it with the kooks, with Rafe out of all people.

“Thanks cutie” JJ reaches over his head to undress, replacing his gray cut off tank with the shirt you handed him. After months on end of watching this guy undress in front of you, whether that would be at the beach or him wanting to have a shower in your bathroom, it still made your heart flutter and butterflies to erupt in your belly. “Liking the view babe? Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer” he flirts, winking and blowing a kiss your way.

With a click of your tongue, you swat at the hands he raised to pinch your cheeks, puffing them out in frustration when JJ tugged on the strands of your hair like a toddler. “Piss off Jay” turning away from the touchy blond and headed to the bathroom. “Nah you love me!” He calls out and you scrunch up your nose, voicing out an audible gag. “Hey i heard that!”

“Yeah you were meant to”

☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎

The waves rolled in, churning across the sand on the shore as the sun began to set like it does naturally. Teenagers were laughing and swaying their hips to the music that was booming out of the big speakers you offered to pay not long ago, as a gift from you to the pogues. Your eyes wandered from person to person, trying to spot your kook friends from where you sat on the log and when you couldn’t find them anywhere in the crowd you slowly brought your eyes back on your favourite blond, who held his gaze at you expectantly. Like he was waiting on a response. Oh wait.

“Oh sorry JJ, what did you say?”

“I think she’s had enough to drink”

“We literally just got here like an hour ago Pope” JJ says comically, bringing the beer he held up to his lips. Blue eyes still fixated on your frame. “Yeah so, as i was saying Y/n/n, do you remember that time you had to tell your dad that i was gay because he caught me in your room once?”

you laughed aloud at the memory whilst the others around you did so as well. “I got in so much trouble dude, you have no idea.” From the corner of your eye you caught a familiar bright red button up shirt. Twisting your head and narrowing your eyes in that direction, you can clearly make out Rafe’s broad shoulders arrayed in the red button up, Topper’s fat head and Kelce’s dark skin. You’re sure they haven’t seen you yet because otherwise they would have been dragging your ass back to where they occupied themselves. Surrounded by bimbo, fake breasted tourons.

You tensed when you felt a presence beside you. JJ had his ring clad fingers at the nape of your neck, massaging the skin affectionately whenever he sensed the stress emitting out of you. Leaning into his touch, you casted your attention away from your three best friends and focused on the one who held your heart. “You good?” He asked worriedly, his voice was smooth and velvety. You felt those butterflies again knowing that he was only this soft around you. “The three musketeers are here” you murmured, counting the faint freckles on his cheeks and nose.

JJ sat a little straighter to peek over your head, spotting Alvin and his chipmunks almost immediately. “Rafe’s wearing the brightest red shirt i have seen” he cringed, causing a giggle to escape your lips at the disgusted look on JJ’s face. “I know, we all hate it but it’s his favourite, so”

“I’m surprised you actually let him go out like that? Aren’t you a fashion freak?” You boop his nose with your finger, drawing your bottom lip between your teeth when you became aware of the close proximity. JJ was so close that you would almost kiss him if he moved an inch. He so desperately wanted to claim those lips but what if it was a bad idea?.

It was definitely a bad idea. What if she reciprocated though? He thought. You didn’t move, nor did he. JJ was gazing at you like he was looking far beyond the makeup and for once, you didn’t feel insecure or nervous under his gaze. You felt loved and cared for. Nobody has looked at you the way JJ Maybank does.

Those ocean eyes fall onto your lips so quickly you almost missed it. Your hands start to sweat just as they shake. He’s leaning forward and your instinct was to swerve and avoid kissing a pogue before Rafe and the others see but you find yourself mirroring his actions. fluttering your eyes shut, his chapped lips brush yours lightly, before planting them on your delicate ones completely. Your heart hammered in your chest, not sure if you felt light headed because of the alcohol you consumed or from the way lips danced with yours perfectly.

You were hauled away from JJ as fast as the kiss had happened, and suddenly people came from every direction to surround the group of you. Topper had JJ in a headlock, with Rafe continuously ramming his fist to JJ’s stomach. “Rafe no! Stop!” Kelce’s grip was strong on your waist, keeping you solid in his embrace. You kicked and screamed for Rafe to stop. The stubborn bastard not hearing a single word you screeched.

“Rafe please, enough! Topper let him go!”

John B and Pope come into view, throwing themselves at the two kooks heedlessly whilst Sarah and Kie bellow for the fight to stop. You elbow Kelce in the stomach, causing his grip on you to loosen and seeing this as an opportunity, you shove at his chest forcefully. Kelce falls flat on his side and you keep a mental note to apologise to your friend later. Recklessly, you dash through the fight. Avoiding the swinging hands and massive bodies as Sarah cries out your name in a panic, worried that you’d end up getting trampled by the boys.

“J- JJ!” You fell on your knees and scooped up the blond’s head, inspecting his face for any new bruises besides the faint ones he already had. JJ only sported a bleeding lip and you were terrified to see what work Rafe’s done to his stomach. “Rafe what the hell is wrong with you?!” Your voice cracked when you shouted, which captured Rafe and Topper’s attention. “That dickhead harassed you!” Topper barked, like the drama queen he was. “No he didn’t you fucking idiot Top, i kissed him!”

“Why Y/n? Do you like this dirty pogue now? He’s nothing but a scum on this Island”

“No he’s not Rafe, I love him!!”

The world seemed to stop spinning. The words passing through your lips before you could stop them from slipping. JJ’s eyes widen, as do the multiple eyes around you. Your face conveyed an emotion Rafe simply did not understand, but the way you pulled JJ further into your chest, with your brows sloped downwards in a serious expression made his eyes glazed over. “You love him?” The kook leader asked melancholy. JJ lifts up a comforting hand to wipe away the tears that flowed down your warm cheeks. “Yes Rafe. I love him”

“You love him?!”

“Oh my god- yes Toppy, i said it already!!”

“Say it again” JJ pleads.

“Rafe i’m sorry.” You affirm, sniffling, and trying your best to blink calmly when you felt your eyes start to well up with tears again. You helped JJ to his feet, placing a firm hand on his chest when he clenched his fist and started to walk forward, probably to start the fight up again. JJ stared at Rafe menacingly, but Rafe couldn’t focus on anything but you. His blood boiled seeing you locked under the pogue’s arm. “No, I’m sorry” was the last thing he said before stalking away and dragging two of your best friend’s by the arm.

“W- wait Rafe!? Y/n/n!” Topper hollers, stressfully prying off the tight clutch Rafe had on his arm but to no avail. “I’ll call you later Top, I promise!” The whines from Topper trails off as the three of them disappear from your sight. You internally hoped that Kelce wouldn’t run his mouth to your parents about JJ and the fight that went down at the boneyard. You were in enough trouble as it is.

You cup your face in your hands, sighing heavily. The anxiousness creeped up your spine like a cobra and you wanted nothing more than to lie down in the soft mattress of your bed and maybe with JJ too? To be completely honest, you weren’t quite sure what kind of feelings the playboy harbors for you because of all the mixed signals that you had to endure through the long months of knowing him. You opened your mouth and prepared to belt out your frustrations when you were suddenly stopped by a pair of lips. JJ drew away quickly and caressed both your cheeks with his freezing hands, leaning in so his forehead rested on yours.

“No one has ever loved me before” he pecks your lips in a swift kiss. “Truth be told, I have never been in love, but that was until I met you and never did it cross my mind that a spoiled kook like yourself could keep me grounded” JJ chuckles at his own cheesiness, pulling you closer by the waist. Your ears perk up on the cheers and the clapping from everybody who witnessed the whole scene, including your pogue friends who cheered JJ on for getting the girl.

“Wanna do something cliche, and possibly cringy?” You asked the blond. JJ tilts his head amusingly and before he could answer, you were dragging him away towards the shore, skipping in your steps all the while JJ rolls his eyes playfully with the shake of his head at your silly antics.

Sarah watches you spurt away with JJ, the hint of sympathy tinges at her heart for her brother who she perceived was in love with you. Rafe can be an impulsive dick at times, hard headed and a weirdo but the thing he had most in common with Maybank was that Rafe also never loved anyone up until he met you.

[hiro-gari]

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

-Hanahaki Disease concept modification: Flower Tattoos Blossoming AU headcanon- by: Little1993lamb

I have this Hanahaki Disease concept but been trying to make more happier version. Because while I love the angst or hurt/comfort that associated with this trope, I still wanna make Badd and Garou together without any suffering, especially for Valentine's Day! Just pure dumbassery and oblivious mutual pining (or mutual in-denial, lmao) 😆💝💐

Thus, this concept was born: Instead of vomitting flower petals and suffering through it after falling in love with someone, small flowers tattoos will blooming from chest area where the heart is located at, and scattering across a person's entire chest until it forming into their crush's initial name.

The blooming process of flower tattoos formation doesn't hurt the person, but it will spread across more further onto other body parts like arms/legs/face, until it becomes very noticeable to see if the person won’t admit their feelings to their crush. It’ll spreading further until they confessed their love. Once the person confessed their feeling, the blooming process would be stopped.

There are 2 results after love confession or after the crush noticed their feeling:

1. If the crush rejected their love: the complementary flower tattoos across their body will looked like wilting and retracted back into person’s heart area and leaving a bruise-like shaped like the former main flower tattoo mark at it (if rejection hurts the person), or disappear with no trace (if the person accept their rejection and can move-on). Same cases if someone decided to break up with their lover;

2. If the crush reciprocated their love: the complementary flower tattoos across their body will retracted back BUT the flowers doesn’t wilt during the process. The main flower tattoos on their heart and their crush initial name’s flower tattoo formation will be remain imprinted on their chest. Not to mention, the colour of main flower tattoos will be even more vivid than before.

Now let’s imagine Batarou in this scenario...

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

After Garou and Badd living together, Garou start to develop romantic feeling for Badd. He wont admited it but he was actually having a crush and deep admiration for the hardworking hero but Garou didn't realized that it would grow more further into romantic love, and not platonic friendship love anymore.

When it happened, Garou found out a small pink Magnolia flower tattoo blooming on his chest are above his heart. Then day by day, the more he falls in love with Badd, the more tiny tattoos spreading and blossoming until it covered his entire chest.

At this stage, Garou recognized a small cursive word on his chest made from clustered tiny lil flower tattoos, forming a name: Badd. The name was surrounded by bigger yet equally beautiful Magnolia flowers tattoos. The meaning of flower language is: beauty, nobility, and dignity. Perfectly represented on what and who Badd is as an S-Class hero.

Garou didn't want Badd to see his tattoos nor confessed his love for him. He still wasn't sure if Badd has the same feeling as him or even seeing him more than a bestfriend. So Garou tried his best hiding those tattoos from Badd's sight.

Then it got worsened.

After the magnolia flower tattoos filled his entire skin on his chest, it spreading further on other areas such as his abs, his back, arms, legs. Even now it had been already reaching his collarbone area ready to spread on Garou's neck. Also it has different type of flower tattoo than the one he has on his chest. It was red Carnation flowers. The meaning of flower language is: deep love and admiration.

Therefore, Garou has two kind of flower tattoos: pink Magnolias on his chest as the main tattoo representated who he loves, then red Carnations on other body areas as the complementary tattoo representated what he feels for the person.

Combining these flowers meant: "I deeply admiring and loving Badd for his beauty, nobility, and dignity, both as a hero and as a person".

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

Unbeknown by Garou, Badd actually had been secretly crushing on him. Since he knows the truth about Garou's true self that he's not a real bad guy and still has pure-heart, Badd start to like him more. He was so happy on the day he found Garou again and successfully bringing him into his house, at least he has a chance to have fresh start on building newfound friendship.

At first he only adored Garou as roommate or friend, but the feeling start to grow as longing one as he spent more time together with Garou. He was longing for Garou's sincere affections or even intimate touch such as warm hugs and intimate embraces, or kisses and loving gazes from the wolf boy.

That's when Badd waking up with freshly blooming Gladiolus flower on his chest above his heart. At first it's just one flower, fhen it keep adding and blooming one more flower per day.

Until they formed diagonal colorful Gladiolus flower spikes across his chest, with the biggest and brightest colored one blossomed on above his heart. On the middle of his pecs, there's cursive words made by tiny lil Gladiolus flower spikes forming a name: Garou. The meaning of flower language is: strength, faithfulness, and sincerity. Just like what Garou has in himself that Badd absolutely adored for.

He really wanted to spill all of his heart content for Garou but he didn't know if Garou likes him the way Badd likes Garou. Thus Badd refused to confess it to him, decided that the best way is to bottled up his love and longing feeling for Garou.

Knowing how stubborn Badd is at hiding his own feeling, the tattoos growing more further on his body. Now it has complementary tattoo with pink and red Camellias, which are nearly covered Badd's entire body except his hands, his neck and face. The flower language for pink Camellia is longing, while red Camellia is passion and desire. Hence, those expressed a new meaning as romantic passionate love.

Combining these flowers meant: "I'm longing and desired for Garou's romantic love, I admired him for his courage and strength to do something he believes on, also for his sincerity and kindness in his pure heart".

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

Usually both Garou and Badd wearing long shirt or turtleneck combined with long pants even in home, which is fortunately helped them hiding their tattoo marks that have been blooming on their entire body from eachother. They avoided on have a shower or bathing together, even more ridiculous they also avoided changing clothes in the same room.

That happened for a week and both of them starting to get suspicious for the other's weird new behaviour, wondering why they have been so awkward to eachother during those time. But then one day, when Badd had just arrived at home after a mission with tattered clothes, he forgot to put his school jacket uniform on.

Once Garou laid his eyes on Badd's exposed tattoo-covered body underneath his tattered outfit, he immediately asking Badd if Badd has a crush on someone lately and who is this lucky person. Badd was caught off-guard by Garou's question, but he dodged it quickly as the hero excused himself to the bathroom. That dismissive reaction made Garou frowned.

Garou was a bit hurt by the fact Badd was in love someone without telling him, he couldn't help but feels jealous for whoever gets Badd's unconditional love. It's not like Garou wont allows Badd to love someone, but a tiny egoistic part of Garou wanted to it to be HIM. He wanted all of Badd and will not sharing him with anyone else (Zenko is the only exception as she is their family so no problem).

But Garou understood Badd decision to hide the flower blooming tattoos from him. Maybe Badd wasn't ready enough to tell about it as it's very personal thing. Maybe he wanted to talk to him after all is settled.

Same as Badd, Garou himself also didn't wanna talk about his own blooming tattoos that have been spreading on all of his body and limbs, except his face thanks to holding back his longing feeling.

Thus, he wont push the matter to Badd. Garou would wait until he comes to him on his own term.

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

On the other hand, Badd was so scared that his little secret has been exposed to Garou because of his own clumsiness. Now Garou would questioning who the hell his crush is. He feels guilty not telling about this before to Garou but what was he supposed to do?

Spilling the truth which would automatically makes him revealed his feeling for the handsome wolf boy? What if Garou doesn't even like him and feels disgusted by the confession? Honestly Badd wasn't strong enough to face Garou's rejection, especially that he had been falling so hard in love with him. He doubted if fighting spirit could mend and heal a broken heart.

So, Badd kept his deeply longing feels from Garou, locked it inside his heart. Hopefully it wont affect the growth of his blooming flower tattoos as he wont like it when Garou noticed him covered in colourful tattoos from head to toe.

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

Garou thought Badd would confess his love as soon as possible, so his tattoo would stop blooming and Badd finally could get together with whoever his crush is. Because for Garou, Badd's happiness is the most important thing to him. He wouldn't ruin it just because he has a special feeling for the beautiful hero.

If that happens, maybe Garou can confess his feeling for Badd then let go of his love instantly. His own tattoo would wilting just like his heart wilting from unrequited love. Garou hoped the tattoo would be disappear with no trace as he moves on from Badd, but he didn't mind if it left a bruise, marking that one time in his life he was deeply in love with Badd.

But Garou's prediction was wrong.

Badd's tattoos still hasn't disappeared yet. It's even spreading further onto his face! That's the red flag warning because the moment flower tattoos start blooming on someone face, they must immediately confess their feeling. Once they do it, no matter what's the result, the complementary tattoos would be retracted back.

So why hasn't Badd confessed yet? Is there something wrong?

Couldn't take it anymore seeing Badd in such miserable condition, Garou decided to confront Badd after a hero mission. He genuinely wanted to help Badd going through his problem if there's any. By doing that, Garou would put aside his own feeling and prioritized Badd's happiness.

When Garou approached Badd in his room and calmly asked about his current situation, Badd attempted to flee from conversation. But before Badd successfully escaped from the room Garou already caught him in his embrace, begging the struggling Badd to listen to him.

Garou explained that he would help Badd to be together with someone Badd really likes, or at least talking to eachother, whatever it takes. If needed, Garou would also captured and dragged that person in so they can hear Badd's confession. Badd replied that it was kinda impossible to do that (and also silly to think of because the person he loves was actually Garou himself, what Garou would do? dragged himself in??). Badd also wasn't convinced if that person even likes him romantically or even wanted to be with him.

After calming Badd down in his arms (and calming himself down because he was currently hugging his crush), Garou tilted Badd's face. Gently caressing his tattooed cheek, thumb brushing on the freshly blooming pink Camellia tattoo on Badd's cheekbone.

Garou thought, 'Longing for that hard, huh, Badd? Who is this person you longing for?". He gazed at Badd's dark chocolate eyes, which are already looking teary and glassy from holding back internal frustation with a hint of sadness. Garou hated to see Badd like this, especially when he bottled up all of his feelings. Then Garou shifted his eyes on Badd's lips. He must refrain himself from kissing him senseless, to wash away every sadness from the hero. But it's not Garou's right to do it when Badd already has someone who owns his heart.

At last, Garou was pleading to Badd for dropping the person's name, he would helped Badd find this person so he could confess all of his feeling for them.

Seeing Garou's strong determination, Badd couldn't help but surrendered to his doomed fate. Badd was sure he would embarassed himself after the confession, letting Garou know that he has been stupidly fell in love with him after all this time. Only to receive impending rejection from the wolf boy.

Badd sighed loudly while released himself from Garou's arms, ready to spilll the truth in front of Garou. Slowly he took his shirt off, revealing how the colourful flower tattoos covered his entire torso.

Then as soon as Garou laid his eyes on the name written on his chest, Badd closed his eyes, not wanting to see Garou's disappointed or disgusted expression. Badd could forget turndown talk but sure as hell he wont forget the look of judging face. That's why he closed his eyes. He waited for Garou's reaction.

But it hasn't coming as he heard nothing from Garou for a whole minute. Taking a courage, Badd opened his eyes again.

What Badd saw was Garou's dumbstrucked face as his eyes still zero-ing on his own name that written on Badd's pecs. After realizing he was stared back by Badd, Garou immediately taking off his turtleneck shirt. It was when Badd got dumbstrucked in turn.

There Garou was, bare-chested showing off his own flower tattoo-covered body in front of Badd. On his chest was obviously Badd's name, beautifully written made from those tiny pink flower tattoos. Badd looked back at Garou's face, who currently smiling happily for him.

So the whole time they both have been secretly doing mutual pining for eachother like a lovestrucked dumbass??

With that big revelation from eachother, Badd bursted out laughing so hard then running back towards Garou's awaiting arms, inhaling his calming scent before continuing to laugh happily.

Badd just felt both stupid and relieved. Why didn't he just confess to Garou as soon as possible and found the wonderful result instead of making himself in miserable state by worrying about Garou's feeling for him thus prolonging his pining until his whole body covered by these bright colourful flowery tattoos. Now that his love has been reciprocated, Badd was in bliss. He thought he cried a little from the sheer happiness and relief.

Badd felt a pair of lips touched his forehead in a lingering kiss, and the moment he looked up Garou already giving him those trademark cheeky grin, then peck his nose in adorkable manner.

Both Garou and Badd laugh wholeheartedly together while also rubbing their noses in Eskimo kisses. They just happy to know that they have the same feelings towards eachother after the whole silly mutual pining for months already.

Badd tiptoed and clung his arms around Garou's neck so their hug becomes closer until their bare-chest flushed together. He nuzzled Garou’s neck then gazing softly into his bright golden eyes, soft smile on his lips.

Badd could feels Garou's tighter hold around his slim waist in a possessive way, then with so much tenderness and gentle voice, Garou whispered his love confession for Badd.

Even though both of them already know that their feelings are returned, but it didn't hurt if Garou said it directly to his beloved hero. Make the confession clear and unhesitantly so there will be no doubtness anymore between them.

The heartwarming confession left Badd at a loss of words. Never have expected he would hear Garou said those declaration of love before. He had been yearning for Garou to say that words to him after all this time, but never had courage to ask it from the wolf boy because he didn't to make him weirded or uncomfortable if the feeling wasn't reciprocated. Badd would definitely choose to fight Dragon-level monsters than asking Garou out to date him.

Yet here Garou is, whispering those loving sentences into his ear, reassuring Badd that he is indeed is loved by Garou. That made Badd got teary-eyed again, he just so happy finally they could be together.

To complete Garou's confession, he pulled the taller man down a bit and kissed him softly on lips. Despite the kiss was just for a brief moment but it was very sweet for Badd. This was his first kiss and he gave it to the man he loved the most.

Once he released the kiss, their lips still barely apart, Badd in turn whispered his own declaration of love into their warm breath they have shared. Not forgetting to looking up so Garou could see his joyful smile full of adoration for him.

Replied with the same adoring smile, Garou kissed Badd slow but passionately. He poured all of his feeling out into the kiss. The love he feels for Badd never once wavering nor faltered, it strenghtened throughout time they’ve been together. Just like this moment.

For a brief second Garou letting go of their lip-locking act to take a breath, then resumed the kiss with even more intimacy than before. It made Badd whimpering softly into Garou’s mouth, his knees weakened and he’d be fallen down if not for Garou’s strong arms supporting his standing position.

Not too long after that, Garou ended their intimate kiss but still peppering small kisses on both of Badd’s cheeks, nose, forehead, then on the top of his head while inhaling his hair scent.

Unbeknown by them, the flower tattoos that covered their bodies had been retracted back slowly as Garou and Badd celebrating their love union together in silence. Only ticking clocks and the lovers' soft humming sounds could be heard in the room.

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

It's already late night, Badd and Garou spending time just lying on the bed together, each other's hand were tracing the remaining flower tattoo marks on the other's chest.

On Garou's chest, there's only one big bright pink Magnolia flower mark that located above his heart, and Badd's name formation made from tiny flower clusters in the middle of his pecs. All surrounded by a few of smaller Magnolia tattoos that scattered across his chest. The red Carnation complementary tattoos had disappeared entirely as Garou's feeling already delivered and reciprocated.

On Badd's chest, there's only one big flower spikes of Gladiolus flower mark that were located diagonally across his chest, starts from his right lower ribcage and ended on his left collarbone, with the biggest and brightest single Gladiolus flower blossom among the spikes on above his heart. And Garou's name formation made from tiny curved flower spikes in the middle of his pecs. The pink and red Camellias complementary tattoos also had disappeared entirely once Badd finally confessed his love for Garou.

Badd was impressed after learning about Garou's tattoos meaning which represented all of his best feature. That means those were what in Garou's mind whenever he thinks about Badd. "Beauty, nobility, and dignity, huh? I'm flattered, honestly", he nodded in approval.

On the other hand, Garou was very amused for the meaning behind Badd's tattoos to represent him. So, in the end, it showed that the hero was absolutely attracted to him very badly after seeing his true self. "Strength, faithfulness, and sincerity? Are you sure you talked about me, hmm, babe?", Garou teasing Badd who flustered at his words.

When the moonlight shining through the window, both of them already sleeping in each other's arms. They sleep peacefully with a soft content smile plastered on their face, enjoyed the warmth of their tight embrace.

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤ -The End- ✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

Notes:

Yooo I know this headcanon writing is very messy, and not to mention with the butchered English I'm so sorry waaah 😭🙇💦

I was thinking to make a special Valentine's Day Batarou headcanon as a gift for the fandom. But I couldn't think a good idea lately, so I just pick some older headcanon and trying to rewrite it into a longer version ehehe! 😅😎 You could find it here: https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/611523394277687296

I decided to write and finished it to you before the actual Valentine's Day because why not? You get Early Valentine's Day gift from me yaayyy!! 😆💕💝

This headcanon was specially written for: @hiro-gari, @the-goddessfighter, @kaincuro, @guby1620, @garous-nipple, @jusqu-une-etudiante, and @lovelybutnot-ablankcanvas

Also of course, for all of Batarou shippers in the fandom! 💖💖

HAPPY (Early) VALENTINE'S DAY, GUYS! 😚🎉🎉🍫💝💐 While it's not perfect nor impressionable, I hope you still like this humble present from me 😅🙏🙇

Thank you so much for reading, and also thank you for letting me support this fandom I love you all very much! 😘❤💜💙💖💝💐

-Little1996lamb-

✽ ✾ ✿ ❀ ❁ ❃ ❊ ❋ ✣ ✤

~Lilia:

asdshdfjk I saw Hanahaki Disease and went 😳 *clutches chest* o h nooo But oh my goodness this is a beautiful concept!! 🌸 You put such a soft and lovely creative twist on it

Especially perfect for these two, who literally might need to be covered in flowery tattoos so they can finally Figure It Out™️ but we love them anyways!!

Thank you so much for this warm fluffy writing, it’s so perfect for Valentines Day 🥺💕 WE ALL LOVE YOU TOO

Happy Valentines Day!! 💐💗

[pffbts]

hello my baby! are requests still open? can I request a Taehyung imagine where he's been in love with a co worker noona for sometime but he is afraid to confess but finally gets his chance? its ok if you dont answer this request right away! your well being is more important. always remember that I'm here for you 🥰

―genre: fluff; angst; crack; minimal smut.

―characters: kim taehyung x female reader | no supporting character.

―w.c: 2.1K

―author`s note: i, honestly, have no words but this is such a good request i had to like dive in with all my love – i guess. also no, i did not just almost write a sappy kissing scene. thank you for the request, didi. much love

[08:50 PM] [the city during the night times is always the best time for someone to see the outline of someone`s presence]

―the blue haired guy beside your cubicle is out of this world attractive. you know it, the guy who sits in the other cubicle beside this guy knows it, the women of all age in this office know it, your dog knows it, and most importantly, the desktop which sits right in front of him, on top of his desk – knows it, mostly.

the blue haired guy – our shamelessly beautiful protagonist, kim taehyung felt like he had never seen a woman this beautiful in his whole life as if sometimes he can`t even see what is beyond you in his field of vision. it was tempting and satisfying. even though your presence affects him this much, you were completely unaware of his thoughts. but it was only because he is good at hiding it.

you always thought that taehyung is a hard-working guy, who watched anime and read comics during his free times. he`s always the one who greets you first thing in the morning but you didn`t know that he did all this because he wanted to keep in touch with you as long as his time permits him to do so.

to be frank, office workers work late – sometimes the shifts are so late that when you return home, your heels are legitimately giving you nightmares back to back. but things like this are part of your life. but to be given a choice that you can skip such activity then you would probably be the first one to raise your hand up and with that simultaneously, the blue-haired guy because then he`ll probably have no work in the office without your presence beside him all the time.

this is pathetic, taehyung thought. because even he knows there are a thousand reasons why this thing for you of him will not work out. first – you`re older than me and it`s not just by age (four and a half years) but also career-wise, you`re much senior to him; second – his looks, strangely enough, he`s aware of the wavering glances the younger female co-workers give to him, taehyung knows that he has killer looks and to that he thanks his parents every day but then what is the use of such good looks when he can`t even make you fall in love with him. why must he get the such-a-hard-working-junior pat on his head every day whenever he greets you in the morning?

also – ridiculous, this is so fucking ridiculous, like why is that weird breaded man hanging over your head as you speak about this project you`ve taken up while scrolling through the draft and bullet points – like dude, back the fuck up or else, taehyung might lose his good boy persona and that`s definitely not good news.

taehyung clenched his fist – his fingers hovering over the keyboard mid-typing as he watches everything from the corner of his eyes. suddenly, the tie around his neck was suffocating and his toes were twitching with rage inside his shoes. this is impossible. without considering any other thoughts, taehyung jumped in, “sir!”

both you, with wide eyes and the weird-breaded-guy looked at taehyung`s direction.

“yes, mr.kim?”

“sir, i-.”he started, only to be cut off.

“mr. kim you can see i`m currently talkin-.”

“washroom!” a panicked taehyung squeaked in, “can i please be excused?”

well, what the fuck, kim. taehyung felt like if only the ground would open up right at that moment and just swallow him up then he wouldn`t have to watch your face giving him strange expression.

“of course you can. it`s not school anymore, mr. kim.”

even though the breaded guy laughed for a second, taehyung felt like all of his bad deeds since childhood had been relived and he felt helpless under your funny gaze and everyone who had stopped typing and looking at his direction, sly grins on their face and weird whispers from their mouth.

without another glance towards anyone, taehyung got up from his place and swiftly walked away from the secret laughter, away from you whose eyes have softened when you realized something was completely wrong with his face – this is not the taehyung you know. this taehyung is flustered and probably looks like fighting a battle within himself. this taehyung looked like someone had touched a very sensitive part of the reel of his memories.

after an hour and talking about your project sidelines, you looked to his side. the seat was still empty and somehow, you know, you shouldn`t be feeling like this – because there`s really no reason for you to feel like this – you shouldn`t really be missing him. you looked back at your computer screen, waiting for the next word to follow your thoughts.

washing his face vigorously and making a mess of his bangs against his forehead, taehyung looked back at his reflection. why was this so difficult – to just tell you everything and just be confident with it, or was it something that`s not feeling right within himself. taehyung was all at once not confident – not confident enough to look at his reflection, the way his eyebrows are always on the flick, his eyes that has only intensity looming in them, his skin, his lips which is shaped just like a heart. maybe because he`s nervous – to confess his true feelings to you because he fears that if you see his true self, the reasons behind his morning greets, his assuring smile every once in a while then you would completely cut him off from your life.

maybe, you don`t even consider him as a man who is capable of taking over your heart. maybe you see him as a friend – or worst, brother. then, what would he do? will he try to cover up his shattered insides with a white cloth filled with smiles or just leave you and let you give the time to regret your decision?

no! he can`t do that. another splash of water against his face and taehyung inhaled as quickly as the water dripped off his face. he can`t just make you regret something you weren`t even responsible for doing. but, you`re so far away, so far away that sometimes he thinks distance is like snow which melts away no matter what and that it was never a real thing. pushing his hair back, taehyung stood straight up, his shoulders slouched and his jaw lose.

maybe if that`s how it is – then he`ll definitely give it a shot. maybe he`ll give his best and get through this exam without a red mark on his report card. maybe this time he won`t have to come back home with his heart in his hand and no one in front of him without a stretched out hand waiting for him to pass his heart to that person.

it was probably getting quite late and for a moment you thought why not take a breather in the office balcony while watching the night view of the city that spreads itself oh so beautifully under the night with no clouds but stars. pushing your chair, your eyes flickered to taehyung, who was sitting, his body leaning forward and it was clear he was writing something instead of typing. a smile came across your face at the thought of his sudden smiles that he gives often out of nowhere.

getting up finally, you softly padded towards the balcony – the cool wind already making your knee-length skirt flow in soft waves. you walked forward, cutting the air and soon, your hair was flowing on your sides – some of the loose strands over your face. your hand found the purchase of the railing and you breathed in closing your eyes in bliss.

a few minutes later, you stayed still against the flowing air around your body and soon, you heard a voice – and it was such a good voice you tried to remember how it felt like in your ears.

“maybe this is what people mean when you can`t see anyone but the one in your field of vision,” opening your eyes, your eyes flickered on an ethereal looking taehyung, his chin resting on his palm whose elbow rested on the railing, his eyes on you, his lips in a loose pout and his blue bangs messy and moving along with the air. it was such a sight and you still were unaware of his words.

taehyung tried again but this time, he pulled himself up and moved closer to you – so close that the end of your right shoulder met with his sternum. taehyung is definitely a decently tall guy with a pretty handsome face, not to forget his voice was something you would love to wake up every day to.

wait, what are you even thinking? you asked your clouded brain. the air was cool and soon taehyung was eye level with you, a little bit distance and his nose would almost touch you, you thought again.

“i can`t do this anymore,” he started again, his breath falling over your face.

“taehyung, what do you-,” you stumbled on your words and closed your eyes as he leaned in dangerously close to you at once.

“pretending like i just don`t have any sort of feelings for you. as if my smiles are just empty box of gifts, as if my eyes don`t find you every day, as if i don`t call out your name every time you smile back at me.” standing straight up and making you move to face him with his hand on your waist, he leant in, his face almost close to you. this is – why? – what is happening?

in no minutes, you felt a soft warmth against the corner of your lips. your breath hitched and you opened your eyes, to see nothing but the blue of taehyung`s bangs and his inhales and exhales too distinct on your skin.

“noona,” taehyung pressed his lips against the left half of your lips, “no,” a  microscopic giggle, “y/n, i,”pulling himself away from your lips for a second, taehyung looked at your closed eyes, your batted breathe, your stilled body, your hair that tickles his face. leaning in again, this time taehyung completely pressed his lips against yours but before you pull him against you, he pulled away with a “love you.”

“taehyung…”

your arms reached his neck and you pulled him against yourself, putting his mouth on yours again as if this was the kind of breather you were waiting for such a long time.

“i`ve loved you for a long time,” pushing his face against your collar bones, he whispered against the bare skin there, “i`ve watched you for a long time. i love you a lot. i know it`s silly but i really love you.”

looking at the sky right now is like watching sudden spaceships out of nowhere. the air against your body was different – there was a sudden heaviness in it, as if someone filled up a void in it, pushing all of their emotions, their strength into that void to let it be the strongest filled up void. the boy against your throat, the painfully leaning boy looking too drained to keep his head up – as if he has already used up his everything.

and at that moment, you just moved your palm up and down his back, feeling the muscles underneath the white cotton shirt and soon, you`re holding him close against your chest, your face against his hair and a smile there on your face, all over again.

[nashibirne]

Painkiller - 6

(It feels a little strange posting this right now, with the real Henry just going public with his new girlfriend, that looks exactly like my fictional (!!!) character Kelly. And I swear it's a coincidence that I chose the Daily Mail to reveal the pictures in my story...So if you feel uncomfortable with all this, don't proceed!)

It's time for the next chapter of "Painkiller". I left you with a bit of a cliffhanger, so here we go...

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Ella)

Summary: Henry has to explain a lot to many different people, Kelly is taking advantage and Ella is a kinky girl

Warnings: RPF! Angst, mentioning of daddy kink, a little sex talk, nothing serious, but still 18+

Unbeta'ed, as usual...all mistakes are mine, English is not my mother tongue, so consider yourself warned...

Credits: Pics for the moodboard are from pinterest, I don't know Henry Cavill, not a bit, this is all fictional, fantasy and wishful thinking!

Parts 1-5 can be found here: nashi's masterlist

taglist: (please tell me if you want to be added or removed)

@hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @summersong69 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @taebfada @xxxkatxo

~~~~~

6

Like every day Ella entered the store a good hour before opening time. It still felt strange to start the day without Katie who had decided to stay at home with little Lenny half a year before returning to the world of work. They had hired a help, Mr. Meller, who was the epitome of a middle aged bookworm and it worked perfectly. Ella got along with him very well, he reminded her of her father a lot, and the customers loved him. He wouldn't arrive until a few minutes before nine so Ella had almost an hour to have a coffee and prepare the shop and the cafe for the day. As usual she unpacked the stacks of shrink-wrapped newspapers and started to place them on the counter and the coffee tables in the cafe area. When she took a closer look at the headlines of the Daily Mail her heart skipped a beat before it started to clench. The pain that began to spread in her chest was dreadful and she felt sick all of the sudden. She sat down on one of the barstools at the cafe counter with wobbly legs before she looked at the pictures again. 

Henry. He had a girlfriend. A girlfriend he showed up with in public. A girlfriend Ella didn't know about. A girlfriend that was apparently beautiful, young, sexy, curvy...not flat as a pancake. Ella swallowed hard and forced herself to read the little article underneath the pictures. 

Henry Cavill was spotted with his new girlfriend yesterday by one of our readers, who sent us the pictures of the happy couple he was able to take in Kensington. "They seemed to be very in love." Our source reports. "Kissing and hugging all the time. Cavill couldn't keep his hands off of her and she kept gazing adoringly at him." It seems A-Lister Cavill has found a new love after a few years of being single. The actor, best known for his role as Superman, who is very discreet about his private life, has a long list of ex-girlfriends but -as he said in an interview lately- is still waiting for the one to fulfill his biggest dream: to start a family. Maybe the wait is over now and Superman has found his Supergirl. But who is the mysterious bombshell? Nobody seems to know…

A loud knock on the door interrupted Ella. She flinched when she saw Henry standing outside. Shit. She got up and walked over to the entrance with knees that felt like jelly, her heart racing at double speed. She took a deep breath before unlocking the door.

Get your act together.

"Henry, good morning. What are you doing here?" She was surprised that she managed to sound so normal.

"Hey. Good morning. Can I come in?" His voice was tense and he seemed to be nervous, tugging on his sleeve repeatedly with a sheepish smile.

"Sure." Ella stepped aside to let him enter the room. He glanced around and his eyes found the newspaper, the pics of him and Kelly staring right at his face.

"I'm sorry, Ella." He turned to her with a frown.

"Sorry? For what?"

He pointed at the Daily Mail. "For not telling you about Kelly."

"Kelly, huh? Well, there's no need to be sorry. This is none of my business, Henry." Ella took the newspaper and looked at the pictures with a nonchalant smile she had to force upon her numb face. "She's very pretty…"

"You're my friend. I should have told you. I didn't want you to read it in the papers…"

Ella just shrugged. She didn't know what to say without sounding jealous or disappointed or both. She felt incredibly empty inside.

"It's not even something serious...I mean  we're right at the beginning of our...whatever. I didn't tell anyone about it…"

"A secret affair? How exciting." Ella winked at him when in fact she wanted to scream.

"Not really secret but it wasn't supposed to go public."

"Well, you should have taken her to Gianni's. I heard they are very discreet there." Now her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Ella…"

"Henry, listen...as I said. This is none of my business, okay? But I'm happy if you're happy." Ella clenched her teeth to prevent her eyes from watering. She was sure he could see her jaw work.

"You don't look happy." Henry's voice was almost a whisper now, a whisper that crept into her ear, through her veins and right into her hurting heart. She turned around abruptly and went straight to the coffee machine to clean it. She wasn't able to answer when she had to look at him. 

Fumbling with the water container she finally was able to pull herself together.

"I guess I'm just a little disappointed that you haven't told me about her." She said as calmly as possible. "I thought you'd trust me."

"I do trust you, Ella." Henry leaned on the counter looking at her with a frown. "It's just...I didn't really know where this was going and I didn't want to bother you…"

"Bother me?" Ella turned around with something close to a smile. "You can bother me whenever you want with whatever is on your mind, Henry. You know that. That's what friends are for." She almost choked on her own words. Fake it till you make it.

Henry just nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You can tell me now. How did you meet her?"

"Well, that's kinda funny. She dialled the wrong number when she tried to contact a friend and so she had me on the phone and we had a pretty funny conversation and then we talked again the next day and texted and then we met and...yeah...well." Henry grinned and he felt like a fool.

"Oh...meet cute." Ella said and her heart clenched again. She couldn't help but think about the night she'd met Henry for the first time and the memory helped her to fake another smile.

Henry shrugged and let out a snort. "Yeah, guess so. A crazy coincidence at least."

"And now you're dating her."

What was he supposed to say? He wasn't dating Kelly. He wasn't in love with Kelly. He just had sex with her. But he didn't want to go down the rabbit hole and get confronted with more and more questions he didn't have an answer to. He simply couldn't talk about this with Ella without revealing his feelings for her. So he decided to choose the allegedly easy way out.

"Yes. I...we...want to take it slow though. We're just getting to know each other better."

"That sounds good, Henry. I hope you find what you're looking for. Can't wait to meet her." The lie tasted like acid, burning on her tongue. When Ella heard the door she was relieved and expected it to be Mr. Meller, but to her surprise it was Jax who stood in the doorway, holding the Daily Mail in his hand.

"Good morning."

"Morning, Jax." Ella and Henry said in unison, staring at him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting something." He joined Henry at the counter and threw the newspaper on it with a thud. "Congratulations on your new girlfriend." Jackson smiled at him.

Ella was sure Henry wasn't realizing it but she knew Jackson good enough to know he was pissed. The way his eyebrow twitched gave it away.

"She's not…" Henry sighed and shook his head. "Forget it...thanks I guess."

Ella couldn't stand this anymore. She just wanted this conversation to be over and get rid of Henry. She couldn't look at his ridiculously handsome face right now, didn't dare to look into his eyes and she absolutely wasn't able to be in the same room with him any longer without bursting into tears.

"We were just talking about how much I want to meet Kelly.

"Oh really? Kelly..." Jax raised his eyebrows in an odd mixture of surprise and annoyance.

"What about dinner at my place on saturday, Henry? You, Kelly and I? Jax, can join us…."

"Yes, sure." Henry was much too surprised to make up a spontaneous excuse.

"Great. Jax?"

"Count me in."

"Fantastic. Ok, that's settled then." 

She clapped her hands and turned to Henry.

"I'm sorry but I really got a lot of work to do…"

"Yeah, sure. I'm gonna leave you to it." He gave her a nod. "Talk to you later?"

"Sure." Ella gulped, avoiding eye contact.

When Henry had left she let out a deep breath and turned to Jackson who hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry, Elsie." Ella sobbed into his chest unable to say anything. Jax kissed her head tenderly before he took a step back. "Listen, sweetie. I know you're hurting right now and you just want to hide in your bed with tons of crisps and chocolate but you have a job to do. So keep a stiff upper lip and be strong for the next 9 hours, okay? And tonight you come to my place and we'll have as much junk food and sweets and cherry coke as you want and you can break down and cry and moan and mope. And I'm going to listen and dry your tears. And tell you that I was right, of course."

He winked and Ella let out a grunt that was half sob and half laughter. "Okay." She wiped her eyes to dry the tears and straightened her back. She even managed to smile.

"That's my girl." Jax gave her a thumbs up and when Mr. Meller entered the store Ella was sure she was going to make it through the day.

****

When Henry looked at his mobile on the way back to his car he snorted with frustration. There were countless missed calls and at least a dozen messages. From his manager, his assistant, journalists and his family of course.

Wtf, brother. Is that your way to win Ella's heart?

Charlie had texted and his friend Corey seemed to be confused too.

What's going on? U have a gf? Call me!

He was going to take care of them later. Now he had to call Kelly to give her some instructions.

He got in the car and dialled her number. She answered almost immediately.

"Morning, Babe." She sounded way too enthusiastic. "Have you seen it? We're all over the internet!"

"Yes, I have Kell. And that's nothing to exult over. This is a worst case scenario."

"Why. I don't care if everybody knows about us."

"But I do and there's not really an "us". You know that."

"Yes, I do. Oh come on, don't be so grumpy. It's just two pictures. Just tell the press we're only good friends and they're gonna lose interest."

Henry took a deep breath. "Don't be naive, that's not how it works. This wasn't supposed for the public eye but now it's on the internet and in the papers. The damage is done."

"Is it about Ella? You don't want her to know?"

"I didn't want her to learn about it from the Daily Mail….listen, Kelly, don't talk to anyone about this, okay?  Not to your friends and most of all not to the press or some internet freaks or whatever. Can you do this for me?"

"Of course. You know I'm discreet."

"Sure. I do. I just need you to stick to it."

"I promise. My lips are sealed."

"Thanks, Kelly."

"You know what, baby? Maybe this is a sign."

"A sign for what?" Henry had a notion what she was up to.

"Well, maybe we can be more than fuck buddies. Maybe it's time we start dating."

"Kelly…" Henry sighed.

"Yes, yes, yes...Ella. I know. And I'm cool with it. But maybe I can help you to get over her. Just gimme a chance, Henry. Let's date, everyone thinks we are dating anyway."

She had a point, he knew this.

"Yeah. Maybe you're right. But let's talk about this later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Oh and I almost forgot...Ella wants to meet you. She invited us over for dinner at her place on Saturday."

"You already talked to her?"

"Sure. I've just visited her at work. To explain…"

"I see. Well, I'm looking forward to meeting her."

"Yeah...so is she. I gotta go, Kelly. Talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye, babe."

After ending the call Henry closed his eyes and let his head sink back on the head rest with a deep sigh. It was just about 9 o'clock and he was already exhausted and done with the day. It fit in the picture that an angry looking traffic warden knocked on his window to point out to him that his car was parked in a no stopping area. He opened the window with an apologetic grin and took the ticket she handed him over with a sour smile.

*****

Henry spent the rest of the day at home on the phone and online, answering all kinds of questions about him and Kelly to his friends and family, his management and assistants.  Of course he wouldn't comment on all of this with an official statement. He never had before and he wouldn't start now. Even if not denying it meant that the whole world considered Kelly to be his girlfriend. Maybe he deserved it for being so careless, for going out with Kelly more often after the dinner at the chippy went so well the other day. For taking her with him when he walked Kal. For going to the bloody supermarket with her. He still didn't know how this was even possible. They had stopped by at this supermarket to buy some food for dinner after a short stroll with Kal. Henry had worn a cap and sunglasses. No one had recognized him, he was 100% sure of that. He knew the way people looked at him when they were aware of who he was. He had taken off the sunglasses inside the shop and hadn't taken them back on when they'd left and when Kelly had taken off his cap to run her hands through his hair and kiss him. It was a short kiss. Only a few seconds because Henry didn't want her to kiss him in public. But it had been long enough for some random passer-by to take a picture and sell it to the press. A few damn seconds that ruined everything. It could have been so easy. A casual fling with Kelly, his friendship with Ella…at least if he'd had the guts to tell Ella about it...but now everything felt so fucking complicated. Now he was somehow dating Kelly and jeopardizing his friendship with Ella.

He was just about to call her when a Zoom call from Corey came in. When his face appeared on Henry's laptop screen, he seemed to be worried.

"Hey." Henry waved at him like an idiot.

"Henry, what the fuck is going on? You and your girlfriend are breaking the internet."

Henry took a deep breath.

"First of all she's not my girlfriend."

"Yeah...I thought so...I mean because of Ella."

Henry knitted his brows and shrugged sighing.

"Yeah…"

"So she's not your girlfriend, but…?" 

"But she's a woman I have casual sex with…"

Henry told Corey the whole story from A to Z. How he'd met Kelly, how he'd kept it a secret from Ella and all the other shit that had happened lately.

"And you're absolutely sure that Ella doesn't want more than friendship?" Corey asked sceptically after Henry had updated him.

"Unfortunately I am, man. There have been so many intimate situations...and she never made a move."

"Intimate?"

"Yeah...we have been physically and emotionally very close so often. We even had this...I don't know...sex talk...but nothing's ever happened."

"You talked about having sex?" Corey seemed to be surprised.

"Well not about the two of us having sex together. But she once told me about a special kink. Man, Corey...that was a hard conversation...literally…"

His friend chuckled. "A kinky girl, huh. What kind of kink? Spill it."

Henry sighed with a strange look on his face.

"Okay. Let me tell you the story of horny Henry and how he wanted to be Christian Gray for his sweet elf Ella"

Henry and Ella we're sitting on her couch after dinner. Henry had made a vegetarian chili and they were both completely stuffed. They were just debating about one of the big questions in life -cereals or milk first- when Ella's mobile beeped repeatedly, signaling new WhatsApp messages. She took a look at them and a wide grin spread on her pretty face. 

"What?" Henry asked curiously.

"Jax just sent me a link."

"And what's so funny?"

"It's a video called "Henry Cavill reads thirst tweets"."

"Oh that...let's see." He grabbed her phone with a quick motion.

"Hey." Ella protested laughing. 

Henry looked at the screen

Look what Hunter sent 

😇😎

😏

https://youtu.be/fHS2cqjijIk Henry Cavill reads thirst tweets

"Who's Hunter?" Henry asked and Ella took her phone off his hand.

"Jax's brother."

"He knows about...well...that we're friends?" Henry looked at her with a frown.

"Obviously. Don't worry, he's not even...he's trustworthy." Ella gave him a wink. "So let's take a look at Mr. Cavill reading his fan's dirty fantasies."

"It's really not that spectacular…" Henry rolled his eyes, feeling a little awkward.

Ella shushed him, laughing, before she opened the link and the video started to play.

"Do you get called "daddy" a lot?" A voice asked while an extremely good looking Henry, dressed in a gray suit, his white shirt a little unbuttoned, showing off his chest hair, fished a piece of paper from a plastic container. A snort, a smirk. "On the internet. Sure."

Ella gave him a glance and a lewt smile. They watched the rest of the short clip and Ella laughed a lot, admiring Henry's funny, quick-witted answers.

"This is hilarious." she shook her head, still grinning. "Daddy."

"Oh, come on. Spare me…" Henry gave her an awkward smile. "I really don't get this daddy stuff. I mean...daddy in a sexual context...that's gross, isn't it?"

He locked eyes with Ella searching for approval. "Not really. I used to think the same way, but I learned that it's not about, I don't know… incestuous fantasies or something. I'm not an expert, but you don't imagine being with your father or your daughter. It's a roleplay and it's more about a difference in power between the sex partners. The daddy dom is in charge, dominating the baby girl and she's agreed to obey. The daddy dom is not an abuser. He takes care, is a protector and teacher, and when the little one acts like a brat he's going to discipline her...yeah...something like this." Ella cleared her throat and bit her lip, a little embarrassed now. Of course her cheeks were dark red.

Henry tilted his head with a mischievous  grin.

"For not being an expert you know a lot about it." 

Ella shrugged, pretending nonchalance.

"Is that your kind of kink?"

"I...well...yes, sometimes. You know, I had some kind of affair after Craig and I broke up and my lover...he showed me a new side of love. Of sex."

"New?"

"Yeah, the rough side, beyond Vanilla. Stuff I hadn't done with Craig. He showed me that it's great to be in control but that it can be even better and very relaxing to let go of control from time to time. To stop thinking and just do what you're told. To let someone take care of you, reward you, praise you and sometimes...well...punish you."

Henry had no idea why, but hearing her talk about this turned him on a lot. His dick twitched at the thought of Ella acting submissive with a dominating partner. 

"Are we talking about S/M?" He realized that his voice sounded hoarse and he looked her in the eyes longer and deeper than usual.

"No. Not really. It was more a little 50-shades-of-gray-ish. Nothing extreme, all very playful, but different to what I knew. I learned a lot about me and my sexuality with him. He opened my eyes in more ways than one." Ella held his gaze and Henry felt like his skin was on fire all of the sudden. He felt jealous of the guy...of her Christian Gray...of the things he assumed they'd done together. 

"And what happened? Why did the affair come to an end?"

"He had to leave London. Moved to Berlin for his job."

"I'm sorry." Henry moved a little closer to Ella shifting his position, turning his upper body to her. She did the same before answering.

"It's no big deal. As I said, it was just an affair."

"Shortly after the break up."

"Yes."

"So you were ready for a fling back then but not ready to date me?" 

This caught her off guard, Henry could tell by the way she flinched slightly.

"I did date you…."

"Yeah. Once. And all I got was a rejection and a peck on the cheek." He smirked, played it cool, but his heart was racing like crazy. They had never talked about this before.

"You mean I owe you a goodnight kiss?"

"Yeah...isn't that what good girls do? Kissing daddy goodnight." Henry felt his heart pounding in his throat. 

Ella raised her eyebrows. "If daddy tells them to. Of course." 

Their eyes were still locked, breaths going fast, hearts racing and they started to lean in slowly.

And at this point Henry's anecdote ended.

"Hey, wait...what happened next?" Corey wanted to know with a curious look on his face.

"Then you cock-blocked me." Henry laughed.

"What? How's that?"

"I'm just kidding. My mobile rang and the moment was over. You were the caller."

"Shit. Sorry, man."

"Nevermind. I doubt that something would have happened. We had quite a few moments like this and she never kissed me." He shrugged. "It's pointless thinking about it anyway. We're friends. I'm with Kelly now. Full stop."

"You could tell Ella you love her. Maybe she just doesn't dare to make a move after she friendzoned you."

"No, I can't. She doesn't want me. Not the way I want her."  And Henry's tone left no doubt that he was done with the topic.

~~~~~

tbc