#'Why you don't edit the chapter?' I can not do that. Once I write something is like that for eternity and will not change

[disdaidal]

The way I'm still not finished with writing the first two ideas I had in mind for this ship, I'm suddenly getting two more. 🙈🙊 Could somebody please arrange it so that I'd have all the time in the world to write it all? Because 24hrs a day is simply not enough.

[twpsyn-who]

Don't you hate when you have a ff idea and start writting it, but the chapter writes itself and goes in a totally different direction than you would want and you get mad cuz that's not how you wanted things to go but you have to roll with it now. *looking angrily at my document*

Like fuck you Eddie it wasn't supposed to be about you man. Not yet anyway

[breannasfluff]

Fanfiction Comments: Why Bother?

Genuine question: If ya’ll like a story, why not comment?

This question, born out of previous discussions and Discord chats, is one writers have been dealing with for a long time. Feedback/reblogs on art tends to be more common than on fics. Yet writers continue to beg for comments on stories. So what's stopping people?

Don't know what to say/an emoji/script feels too impersonal

Forgot to comment

Read everything and how do you pick out one part?

Rather give feedback personally

Feels like an expectation/I owe them

Send me a string of emojis? I love it. Send a single heart? I love it. Keyboard smash? I love it. Copy/paste a "thank you for writing"? I still love it. "I don't know what to comment or how to put my feelings into words." Then put that! That's a compliment! Can't think of anything to say, then "I don't know what to write but asgfdhgf I liked it." is fine!

Seriously, I don't care WHAT you put, because it shows me you cared enough to take a few second to show that love. I recognize and look for my regular commenters, even the ones who leave just a heart or "extra kudos".

Forgot to comment? Leave the fic open on your phone or get in the habit of dropping SOMETHING right as you finish. If you had time to make it through the last 100 words, you can probably tap an emoji. It's likely more of a habit to build up than anything.

Read it in one go and it's all a blur? "I read this all in one go and it's a blur, but I loved it!" We don't need specifics; just tell us you loved it on the chapter you stopped on. That in itself is a compliment because Hey! You loved it so much you had to keep reading!

Personal feedback? Well, I'll never say no to friends gushing about stories to me! And it might not be the same for everyone, but if you stop commenting on AO3 and only tell me personally...my assumption is you don't like it enough to say it publicly. I've spent many a time wondering why people stopped giving that support and what I should do better. If it's a friend, try asking them which they prefer! We can go back and reread (and do!) AO3 comments. Much harder on discord/dms/etc.

Owing authors? Look, we put a lot of time and work into writing and providing content for free. Hours of idea planning, actual writing, editing, catering to requests, etc. My partner once said I have a second job, writing, but I don't get paid. If you read and enjoyed something that someone put a lot of work into, it's nice to take a few seconds and tell them that.

You don't owe authors comments. They also don't owe you free writing. Sometimes, you forget there is an author at all when you're reading. But there is. A real person put out a story hoping you'd love it, or connect to it. You'd see yourself in the writing and feel less alone, or cheered up when you have a bad day.

Writing is art, and all we want to do is connect with you. Comments help bridge that gap.

[ghostofwriting]

Kildare Split Part Two: Place In Me

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Chapter 2: Place In Me

Note: Me: I don't know when I'll post chapter 2 maybe on the weekend but who knows. Also me: posts 3 hours after saying that. Once again I wanted to thank everyone for reading and interacting! I appreciate all of you so much. Not edited so be warned. I confused everyone with part 21 and this doesn't provide any answers! Just more context for other parts of the smau. Enjoy!

Warnings: none, bad writing, Rafe being mean, y/n being mean

Word Count: 3,371

Synopsis: Everyone has noticed that there's been a shift in how Kildare Split acts around each other. Rafe and Y/N used to be so close, they were always pictured together, and always shared stories of each other and for the last few years, there has been nothing from them. A behind-the-scenes look at what went down between everyone's favourite band.

She thought that she made herself clear and that they understood where she was coming from after her speech in the green room.

She’s not expecting Barry to be sitting on the couch of the tour bus she had chosen to sleep in, her hair sticking to her sweaty forehead from her run, slightly out of breath. 

When she opens the door and sees him sitting there, she jumps.

“Fuck, Barry what the hell?” Barry had a very specific regime for show days. He should’ve been napping on the other bus.

“We can’t go on hiatus. You’re being selfish.” She feels her ears start burning, she scoffs at him. 

“Selfish? You better be kidding me. The audacity of you to come in here and accuse me of being selfish?”

“Y-” She doesn’t let him continue.

“I have put up with this bullshit for two years, Barry! Just because I’m tired and need a break doesn’t make me selfish.”

“If you would just talk to him.”

“No. Fuck you. No.”

“If you talk to him, and he explains himself, you’ll understand and this can all go back to normal.”

“No. I will not fix this. I don’t need to fix this.”

“What happened to be there for each other?”

“Barry. You and Topper were supposed to be there for me!” She snaps, her voice rising.

“You were the only people who knew exactly what I was going through not only with Rafe but with the fame and the drugs and the people wanting things from me. You were going through it too, I know you were. But you abandoned me the second Rafe decided to what? Get in a relationship? You threw me away, I was so alone!” 

Tears are threatening to spill over now. She hates how she can’t get angry without crying. 

“I went through everything by myself and the people I thought were my best friends abandoned me. I get it okay. You chose your boy. But I thought I meant something to you. I thought I was your friend. He broke my heart and my spirit.” She stops to catch her breath, “I was a shell of a person and you still didn’t even ask me if I was okay. In two years you haven't checked in.”

“y/n..”

“He told me he didn’t want to live without me and the next day I found out he was seeing Sofia. And suddenly I wasn’t his friend or his bandmate or even a person. I was just someone he fucked. And I don’t care why he said that. I don’t care if he meant it or not or if he was lost and scared. He still said it. I’m done. I’m done with him, I’m done with this Los Angeles, I’m done. I don’t owe him anything. I don’t need to talk to him.” She finishes her chest heaving. Barry is staring at her, eyes wide.

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay in the band. But it’s work. That’s all. We aren’t friends.” 

Barry’s silent. Still sitting on the bus couch. 

“Get out. Please.” 

+++

The early days of getting over Rafe were hard. She wanted to go back to who she was before him. The version of herself before she got involved with him. Journaling and writing song lyrics and poems could only do so much. Everyone told her that she needed someone else. She understood that but she didn’t feel like it. She wasn’t ready to get her heartbroken all over again. 

Not when she constantly got her heart broken on tour, not only when she saw Rafe making out with Sofia backstage but when Barry walked right by her without acknowledging her existence, or when Topper pretended not to hear her. Her heart cracked every time for the little girl who trusted these boys with her entire being and let them in only for them to stomp all over her. 

She spent endless nights on tour, alone in her hotel room crying at the top of her lungs and on the tour bus muffling the sound of her sobs with her pillow. So when people suggested she needed to meet someone to get over him, well, it didn’t sound like a good idea to just let someone else in to break her even more when they eventually left. 

It got better little by little, the heartache over her friends hating her. The heartbreak over Rafe choosing someone who wasn’t her, someone who was worth it. The loneliness never did. It was crippling how alone she felt. There were times when she wanted to go back to the drugs, drinking, and partying. She would feel so much better if she just couldn’t feel anymore. She didn’t go back on the promise that she made to herself. She would never be that afraid high out of her mind 17-year-old girl again. 

She isn’t sure if she gets over Rafe or if she learned to live with the pain. Sometimes she thinks she’s so angry at him and that’s the reason she doesn’t want him. She misses him all the time, she thinks she’ll miss him forever. At least who they were before they had sex and fucked it all up. 

She lets everyone know that when the time comes she’ll make them all aware. Cleo tells her that she better be the first one who finds out she’s seeing someone. She tells her that she wouldn’t have it any other way.

The day she met him was one of the most ordinary days she had lived in her entire life. She had woken up in her Los Angeles apartment, made herself breakfast, gone for a swim and gotten ready for the day. She didn’t have anything planned for the day, maybe tidy up a little, call Sarah, and run some errands. The craving to make brownies hits her out of nowhere, she doesn’t have any of the ingredients at her house though, the life of a touring artist. 

She’s leaving the grocery store with her reusable bags filled to the brim with all her cravings. She’s digging in her tiny pink purse that can’t hold anything for her keys when she drops two of her bags. 

She doesn’t want to get angry when she sees everything fall, she stares at it for a second, takes a deep breath and moves to pick it up. Once she gets everything together and packed up in her car, she decides that she needs a little treat for putting up with her groceries falling.

Her favorite pastry spot in LA is right by a hotel where all the celebrities who don’t live in the city full time. It’s usually a curse because everyone is hanging out or camping outside the hotel for a small glimpse of someone famous.

She thanks Caroline, the bakery owner and steps out of the store without looking at where she’s going. She feels herself collide into something strong and hard. Someone. Her pastries shake in the box. Of course, this would happen too. Why can’t she just keep herself from dropping her food today?

“I am so sorry.” She says to the man standing in front of her. He’s pretty, she thinks. Dark brown hair, almost black, brown eyes that look very familiar, and strong, and his arms are bulging where his black shirt sleeve ends. He’s hot. 

“Don’t worry, you’re fine.” She hears his friend behind say something in a different language and the man in front of her shakes his head and smiles at her. 

“Are they making fun of me for being a klutz?” He laughs. 

“No, they think it’s funny that I would run into my celebrity crush. Literally.” Any other time, if someone confessed that she was their celebrity crush, she would run so far so fast. Something keeps her there, smiling like an idiot, at a loss for words. She says the first thing that pops into her head.

“Have we met? You look familiar.” She feels like she’s seen him somewhere but she can’t place him. 

“Mira que te ha visto a través de la ventana.” one of his friends says, he shushes him not even turning to look. 

“I’m an actor?” He says it like a question, his cheeks flush, and he’s embarrassed. It’s endearing. 

“Yeah? Have I seen anything you’ve been in?” 

“I doubt it.” 

“So as your celebrity crush, it seems that I have a responsibility to watch whatever you’ve been in, don't you think?”

“No way.” He smiles at his friends doing a quiet chant of something behind him.

“No? Not even if you join me and walk me through it?” She knows she’s giving him eyes now, looking at him through her eyelashes, fluttering her eyelids a little too much. Her resolve is gone, she doesn’t know where her confidence is coming from and she’s going to use it until it’s gone. 

“We could arrange that,” he pauses, “Julio.” He extends his hand out for her to shake. 

“Y/N.” and maybe when she takes his hand she feels a shock run up her arm. 

Maybe she’s being dramatic and jumping the gun but what if everything she’s been through led her to this moment? Right here with him. 

+++

When Rafe finds out Y/N is seeing someone he tries not to lose it. He knows he has no right. His palms start sweating. He feels his breath shorten, he’s honestly a mess though he doesn’t show it. 

At least not until Topper pushes him on the subject when they’re left alone. 

“She’s seeing someone.” The room is eerily quiet, they’re in the studio recording their second album. Y/N had gone off to probably call her boyfriend and Barry was off doing who knows who.

“Yeah.” He’s short with his answer, scrolling on his phone to distract himself from the ever-intrusive thoughts of her her her. 

“You good?” No. No, of course he’s not good.

“I have Sofia.” Topper clears his throat and continues his torture on him. 

“Doesn’t answer my question.” 

“Yeah.” He looks over at Topper, his eyebrows lifting in acknowledgement.

They stay quiet for a few more minutes, the questions and thoughts and everything eating at him.

“Who’s the guy?” The question forces its way out of his mouth. He doesn’t want to know anything about the man that holds her heart.

“Some actor,” Topper responds nonchalantly, looking at him like he’s going to blow up if he moves anymore.

“Cool.” He wants to claw his heart out. What the fuck is happening to him right now.

“Rafe.” Topper isn’t convinced that it’s cool at all. Because Rafe can lie to everyone in his life but not Topper.

“No yeah, that’s cool. It’s great, yeah, good for her.” He knows he still doesn’t sound convincing.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Let her be happy.” He’s going to be mature about this. He asked Sofia to marry him last year for god sake. If he gets to be happy, she does too. Is he happy?

“Rafe.” Fucking Topper and his questions.

“I’ve fucked her life up enough. She deserves this. Deserves someone.” It spills out of him again, his eyes meeting with Topper’s, begging him to stop. 

“Do you ever miss her?” Topper’s not showing him any mercy today, wanting to know everything he’s kept inside for the past two years.

“More than anything.”

“You fucked up” understatement of his life. He ruined her and in turn, ruined himself. He was stupid and selfish and he deserved the worst.

“Yeah.”

+++

“You have to apologize to her.” Rafe’s once again fiddling with his guitar. The arena is empty except for the techs playing with lightingThe stage had been set up the night before. Y/N was with Sarah exploring the city before she had to be back for soundcheck. Barry was taking a nap and Topper was being a pain in his ass. He tweeted some bullshit at him and Rafe had called him back to talk.

“I don’t have to do anything, she’s leaving.”

“Yeah because of you. Because of what you did to her.”

“I seem to remember that you were included in isolating her.”

“That only happened because she was so hurt she pushed everyone away and I thought I would make it worse by forcing her to talk. Anyway, that’s between y/n and I. You need to take responsibility, Rafe.”

“For what? It wasn’t my fault I didn’t love her.”

“Oh fuck off Rafe. You loved her. You were just scared.”

“Of course I was scared! It could’ve ruined everything. The band, our careers.”

“You shouldn’t have ever gotten involved.”

“I couldn’t help it!” He closes his eyes, doing the breathing exercises they taught him in rehab, in therapy. 

“Please, just talk to her.” 

“She doesn’t want to hear it.”

“You have to try!’

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You won’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Because I’m engaged. I’m with Sofia and I’m happy and if,” he breathes “if y/n were to even give me the slightest greenlight I would burn my whole relationship to the ground. Her whole relationship.” He says the last part under his breath, hoping Topper doesn’t hear it.

“What the fuck, Rafe?”

“I know.”

“Why now?”

“I did and said some shit back then to not fuck up the band. It was wrong, stupid and childish. It’s not a question of ‘why now,’ I never stopped.”

“You still love her.” Rafe doesn’t confirm or deny it. Topper shakes his head. 

“You need to apologize.” Topper leaves Rafe to strum his guitar in thought. 

+++

Everything changes when he comes into her life. It’s like she was living in this deep black hole of anger, sadness, and endless turmoil. He’s her calm. He grounds her and she feels like she can finally breathe. She hasn’t felt wanted in such a long time and even though they are long distance most of the time between his film schedule and her tours, she has never felt alone since meeting him. 

She has a video from him every time she wakes up in the morning. Sometimes it’s just him telling her something that happened to him during the day, or a funny story, and sometimes he sings. She wishes she could drop an album just to feature him on it. She wants the entire world to know that he’s hers and she’s his and she is so incredibly in love. 

It’s scary going from such a low to such a high. The extreme contrast is intimidating at times but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She learned what she wanted in a relationship from an extremely difficult situation and somehow it was all worth it as long as she got to have him in her life. 

They’re together for a year before it gets out. They chose to be private about their relationship, it’s easy when he’s halfway across the world most of the time. That doesn’t stop her from spending every single moment that she isn’t on tour or in the studio next to him in Spain, Italy, France. She loves him. She would do anything for him. She knew that he was the one three weeks into their relationship and when she told him and he told her he felt the same, it confirmed it.

It’s her fault it gets out, he said it was about time and he wasn’t mad about it at all. 

Sometimes she still finds that deep-seated anger she holds for Rafe bubbling over. It’s all-consuming and she can’t stop the venom that leaves her body.

When Rafe’s engagement gets out, she and Julio step out on a date night. Cleo calls the paparazzi for her. It’s a great plan until everyone is freaking out because they’re convinced she and Rafe were dating this entire time.

She loves her fans but sometimes the theories and threads get a little too much. Mostly because they’re correct most of the time. 

At first, she was scared of Julio seeing all those things and seeing how everyone wanted her and Rafe to get married. She was scared he was going to run away. It never seemed to faze him. He never not once doubted her. He understands how people get and believes her when she tells him she chooses him for the rest of forever.

+++

Topper’s words haunt him. He wants to apologize to her and give her and himself some form of closure. He doesn’t know how to approach it. They haven’t talked in years, not really. How does he talk to the person that he hurt so much?

He catches her after soundcheck one day, his wringing his hands together, riddled with anxiety. 

“Hey, Y/N?” He calls out after her as she passes him.

She slowly turns around and crosses her arms, raising her eyebrows at him in surprise. 

“What can I do for you?”

He gulps as she looks at him expectantly.

“I was wondering if you had listened to the album?” What? Why the hell did he open with that?

“Why would I listen to the album?” She asks incredulously 

“Well, because I mean it’s about,” he stumbles over his words, “I just wish you would listen to it and maybe hear me out.”

“You want me to listen to your album so that I can hear you?” She nods her head and puckers her lips. 

 “It’s so stupid that after all these years you can’t apologize to my face so you what? Make an album? Is your apology hidden in there somewhere?” 

“Yes-No, I just think that if you gave it a chance, we could talk about it.”

“You want me to pretend to give a shit about your album when you can’t tell me how you feel right now in person?” She’s laughing a little now. Shocked at his suggestion. He wants the ground to swallow him whole.

“Please, can you just listen?” 

“No Rafe. I am so done with this. I have been done with this. I don’t care about your album, I don't care about you.” Her words hit him like knives in his heart.

“Why do you care about my opinion about your album? Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I don’t know that your album is about me? You called it Angel, Rafe! The fucking nickname that you gave me when we were 12 years old! I’m not some dumb girl who you can just manipulate and get whatever you want out of her. Not anymore. I am not that person for you.” She stops, her hands coming down from where she was waving them. He wants to say something but his mouth is dry and he has a ball the size of a grapefruit stuck in his throat.

“You made it incredibly clear to me that you don’t think of me as a person. Like- what did you say to me? That I’m just a fuck?” He grimaces when she throws his words from three years ago back at him. 

“Yeah, you said I’m just some girl you fuck, ‘you’re just some girl I fuck I don’t care about you.’ Sound about right?” He can’t move. He’s frozen.

“You could have worded it a million different ways and still gotten your message across. You could have been so much nicer. Let me down easy. Let me know in a better way that you found someone that you wanted to get to know. I would’ve put everything aside and just been your friend but no, you decided that I meant nothing to you, that everything we had been through, everything we had built, Our friendship was not important to you.”

 “Because I’m just someone you fucked. So, Don’t worry about me, don’t worry about my opinion because you’re just someone I fucked too and someone that I no longer care about. You are just my bandmate. You are just a coworker, I don’t think of you. I’m done with you. Keep your album. Good luck.”

He was so fucked. It would be a miracle if he ever got her to forgive him.

[mayariviolet]

AOT Men That Are Hozier-coded.

ft. Armin and Jean.

summary: Horny and pathetic. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO YOU.

cw: slightly suggestive themes under the cut. religious guilt, specifically Catholic or Christian beliefs… obviously (y’all know me atp).

a/n: Someone who can write smut comfortably please write an armin x reader OR jean x reader fic to the tune of:

‘Take me to Church’ and ‘It Will Come Back,’ by Mr. Andrew Hozier Byrne. PLEASE

THEY ARE SO HOZIER CODED! I’m just rambling rn because I think I’m ovulating falling in love with them again. Maybe I will turn this into a series where I associate artists with certain characters… I don’t know.

✧˖°.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✧˖°. ✧˖°.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✧˖°. ✧˖°.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✧˖

“My church offers no absolutes

She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom"

The only Heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick, but I love it

Command me to be well.”

LIKE TELL ME THATS NOT ARMIN… HE WOULD SO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WANTING SOMEONE SO BADLY THAT ITS BORDERLINE SINFUL. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY HE WOULDN’T CARE!

HE WANTS TO BE RALLIED AND HELD TO A HIGH STANDARD OR JUDGED BY SOMEONE HE REVERES, BC HE WANTS TO BE CHALLENGED. LORD HAVE MERCY. HE WOULD BE THE KIND OF DUDE TO HAVE IMPROMPTU RELATIONS IN A CONFESSIONAL. SURE HE WOULD FEEL GUILTY, BUT IT WOULD BE SO GOOD IN THE MOMENT! HE WOULD PROBABLY THINK HE FOUND SALVATION WITH YOU UNDERNEATH HIM. Impromptu, ‘Wrong use of a rosary.’

He probably sang in the choir or played the piano and just decided to drag you to church one day. Not in a:

‘I’m going to convert you’-way.

More like,

‘Look at this thing I’m proud of!’-way.

══════════════════

“Don't let it in with no intention to keep it

Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it

Honey, don't feed it, it will come back.”

THIS IS SO JEAN BC THIS BOY IS A MUNCH!!!

I AM TIRED OF PRETENDING HE ISN’T.

He is so pathetic in a way that is just so satisfying for both of you. THIS MAN LOVES YOU IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORLD AND IS SO ANNOYING ABOUT IT. ESPECIALLY AT THE END OF THE SONG WHEN HOZIER SAID

“Don’t you hear me howling babe?”

HE IS CALLING FOR YOU! AGHHH!

If ever he got in a fwb type of situation I feel like Jean would jokingly say,

“Don’t fall in love with me.” and you’d be like, “Okay? I wasn’t planning to…”

BUT THEN HE WOULD BE ALL POUTY AND TAKE IT ALL BACK WITH SOMETHING LIKE,

“Wait no I lied please fall in love with me-”

So when you do finally fall in love it’s kind of a:

“Last chance to back out because once we do this with emotion, there’s no turning back.”

MORE OF A WARNING FOR YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES SO DEEPLY.

Jean would not be one to go to Church because he doesn’t believe in God or a higher power. He’s open to discussing it, though, especially if you are. But if he could choose to worship something or dedicate his life to it would be YOU.

══════════════════

(Me after writing this…)

a/n: I have no idea why I’m so feral lately. Nor, why I keep writing head canons at like three am… I’m gonna finish editing the first chapter of my Geto fic tomorrow. Hopefully upload it by Saturday!

I should also clarify that I was literally raised Catholic.

══════════════════

© Please do not copy or replicate my work. Inspiration is appreciated, but credit properly! ♡

[girls-are-weird]

YR fanfic pet peeves (and corrections): latin america edition

so. i was originally going to post this in january as a kind of "new year, new opportunity to learn about simon's hispanic heritage" kind of a thing, but life got busy, and then my computer died and i lost my original list, so i've had to reconstruct this from memory as best as i could. there may be some stuff missing, so perhaps i'll just keep adding to this post as missing/new points come to mind.

disclaimer 1: if you've included any of the points made here on any fanfic of yours, please don't take this as a call-out. this isn't intended to shame anyone, but rather as an educational opportunity. it's very rare that a latin american nationality that is not mexican or colombian or puerto rican is showcased in an international show, especially outside of the US, and it's given me such joy to have all of you lovely folks make the effort to be open to and research and understand the idiosyncrasies of simon's (and omar's) heritage because the rest of latin america tends to go overlooked in most other fandoms. so i don't intend to scold anyone with this. we can't all know everything about every other culture-- lord knows i don't know everything about sweden, but i want to be respectful to the country and its people and that is why i heavily research anything i don't know and ask people who do know when my research doesn't quite cover it and am open to corrections when even that falls short. i expect most of you come to write about simon's family background in good faith and also want to be respectful to his family's culture, and so i thought i might make things a bit easier for you all by putting the most common errors/misunderstandings i've seen in one handy post. but once again, it's not a call-out, i don't get offended by these things, and i'm in no way implying, if you've done any of these things in fic or in life, that you are a bad person. i understand people make mistakes when they don't know things.

disclaimer 2: i am not venezuelan myself. i was born and raised in the same general region of latin america, though, and i have venezuelan friends and have worked with venezuelan people and have visited venezuela. generally speaking, i feel their culture is very similar to mine (though our spanish is much closer to spanglish than theirs is, haha xD) and feel a deep kinship with them. but of course, i'm no native, and if you're venezuelan and catch anything here that you feel is incorrect, feel free to point it out and i'll add a correction in your name.

warning: this is very long. christ almighty. DX if you can't make it to the end, tl;dr-- feel free to ask if you have any questions or if anything isn't clear. my ask box/messages are always open.

1- "mijo." this is the only one that legit has caused me to click out of several fics/chapters, at least in the beginning, but i've learned to grin and bear it by now. it's not so much that it's wrong, per se, but rather it's more of a location issue. "mijo" is, to my ears, very much a mexican (or, if you stretch it, northern triangle) slang. it IS used sparingly in other countries, but rarely used unironically. instead, if you hear the term used in the caribbean region of latin america (which my country is part of, as is a large part of venezuela), it's almost always used… let's say sarcastically. for example, if your grown-ass adult friend is being a dumbass and doing something reckless, you might call out "oiga, mijo, se va a romper el cuello" ("hey, mijo, you're going to break your neck"). basically, it's a way of calling someone immature like a child. it doesn't have to be ENTIRELY unaffectionate (kinda like the way someone might call their significant other "idiot" or "dummy" but mean it endearingly. in fact, in colombia it's way more common for spouses to call each other "mijo/a" than it is for them to call their children that), but you can also use it with complete strangers-- like if someone cuts sharply into your lane while you're driving, you might yell at them "oiga, mijo, a donde le enseñaron a manejar, en un potrero?!" ("hey, mijo, where did you learn how to drive, in a horse paddock?!"). but even in these sarcastic/neggy cases, it's rare. and EVEN RARER to hear a mother call her children "mijo" or "mija" in this region. it's just not a thing. so when i read it in fanfic, it immediately takes me out of the story because it's so weird to me that linda would sound mexican-- it's a very distinctive accent, which carmen gloria 1000000% does not have. (plus, "mijo" in spanish is a type of birdseed. so it gave me a chuckle the first few times i read it in a fic because i always have that brief second of confusion where i go "why is linda calling simon birdseed?" before it clicks. xD i'm a dork.) it's much more likely that linda would just say "hijo" or "mi hijo," instead.

1b- the way you decide on whether to use "hijo" or "mi hijo" is important because "mi hijo" can sound overly formal in the modern context especially, much like it would in english. in fact, you can use the english version of it, "son" vs "my son" to guide you on which of the two to use. like for example, if linda were to say directly to simon "i love you, my son," she would sound oddly old-timey and anachronistic, so you would just use "son" ("hijo") in that case. whereas if she's talking about simon with someone else, for example saying "i told my son to be here on time," you'd be perfectly okay to use "mi hijo" in that sentence in spanish. it's very transferable in that case.

2- speaking of non-transferable, though, you can't use "cariño" in all instances you would use "sweetheart" or "sweetie." it really depends on the grammatical construction, and it can be tricky to get it right, but it depends on whether you're using it as a direct address or as an object. for example, if you're using it in place of someone's name-- say, a mother telling her child "te quiero, cariño" ("i love you, sweetheart/sweetie") is perfectly fine, because in that case, she could also say "te quiero, hijo" ("i love you, son") or "te quiero, simon" ("i love you, simon"). but if, say, simon says to wille "you're my sweetheart," you would not use "cariño" there; you'd go instead with some syrupy way to say "boyfriend," like "eres mi novio" or "eres mi enamorado" or even "eres mi amor," and if sara tells felice "you're a sweetheart," that would also not involve "cariño" at all. in addition, "cariño" is also very rarely used in plural; if linda is using a term of endearment for both her kids, or for a group of teens her kids' age, she would use a different term of endearment altogether: "hola, mis amores" ("hi, my loves"), "hola, bebés" ("hi, babies") or "hola, mis tesoros" ("hi, my treasures") among some examples. one exception is when you say "cariños míos" ("my sweethearts"), but very rarely the plural by itself. in fact, "cariño" is often slang for gift or present, especially in the diminutive-- for example, if you go to someone's celebratory party for some occassion (birthdays, graduations, baby showers, heck even christmas), you might hand them a small gift and go "te traje un cariñito" ("i brought you a small present"), and if it's more than one gift, or you're bringing gifts for several people, then you'd say "unos cariños" or "unos cariñitos" in the plural.

3- simon's skin is tan, not tanned. this… doesn't personally bug me as much because it's more of an english grammar issue, but i know people who might actually feel very offended if you get this one wrong with respect to them. "tan" is a color; a light shade of brown. "tanned" implies the original color of your skin has darkened with the sun. now, i'm sure simon can tan (lucky goat, says she whose skin burns even while indoors), but about 95% of the time "tanned" is used in YR fanfiction, it's used as a descriptor of the color of simon's skin as we see it on the show. that would imply his skin used to be lighter at some indeterminate before-time and has been darkened by the sun. this is incorrect; that is the natural color of simon's skin. so stick to "tan skin" instead (not tan PERSON, mind you. his SKIN is tan, he is not). and i would gently suggest that if you take away any single thing from this post, make it ESPECIALLY this point, as someone more sensitive than me might interpret this error as some kind of retroactive whitewashing. and i don't want anyone here to get in trouble for simply not knowing.

4- pabellón criollo is one dish, yes, but it's four different FOODS. it's not something a newbie would be able to make off of a recipe (i don't know how to make it and i've been eating it all my life), and it's not something that's likely to be taught in just one day. also, if you're bringing it to a dinner or a potluck, you're bringing four separate food containers, not just one.

4b- also, venezuelan food, for the most part, is not particularly spicy. you CAN make it spicy if you want, but traditionally, it is not. it's flavorful, maybe even saucy depending on the dish, but rarely spicy. i know the joke of white people being unable to handle spice is funny, but there's also plenty of us hispanic people who are equally terrible at it, because there's different levels of spice in the food from different regions of latin america. besides, as a friend of mine perfectly put: we are living in the 21st century now. if you can eat mild mexican food, you should be able to handle traditional venezuelan food just fine. and i'm pretty sure there's mexican food in sweden. plus, wille would probably be more used to international food-- not only does he have the means, but having traditional meals in foreign countries is kind of part of the job.

5- while i'm at it: simon is definitely half venezuelan. this is canon as of S2. there is no other place in the world where that dish is called pabellón. please keep that in mind when you're writing and researching.

5b- this, along with several of the points above, is important because it's a bit of diaspora trauma that whenever we venture outside of latin america and people learn we're latino, they immediately assume we're mexican, or that our culture and traditions are the same as those of mexican people. it happens often, and it's incredibly annoying. not that there's anything wrong with mexico or mexican people-- they're lovely, and their traditions and culture and food are fantastic-- but we are not them, and treating us like we are is reductive. the rest of latin america can be very different and incredibly diverse, and it can be dispiriting when people treat us like we're all the same. so that is why it is important when writing about simon, his family or his venezuelan roots, that you take care to actually research things as they are in venezuela, and not just pick the low-hanging fruit of latino facts you might've learned through pop cultural osmosis, which eight times out of ten will be mexican-only because most hispanic people in the US are mexican and the US exports its media all over the world. i've learned to just roll my eyes at it by now, but some people might actually feel offended or hurt, and i'm sure nobody here intends for that to happen.

6- although simon speaks spanish, neither he nor sara nor his mother nor any aspect of his mother's culture is spanish. "spanish" is what people from spain call themselves. people from spanish-speaking latin american countries are not spanish; we are hispanic, or latino/a/e. "latinx" is… let's call it controversial, at least outside of the US. most people born and raised in latin america don't like it; i personally don't get offended if people use it, but i don't use the term myself. also, you can say "latin food" or "latin music," but we usually don't refer to PEOPLE as latin, but rather latino/a/e. if in doubt, just use latin american or hispanic. they're also conveniently gender neutral.

EDIT: @andthatisnotfake also brought up a very important point: "if you spell it latinx, it makes it harder for screen readers to read (or so I've been told) and some people depend on those, so there's another reason to avoid it." (the unpronounceability of that term is at least part of the reason why hispanic people who live in latin america don't like it.)

6b- never use "the latino/a" on its own to refer to people. "latino/a/e" is an adjective, not a noun, so you would say "the latino boy" or "the latino man" but never just "the latino." kinda like it would be weird to point out the one japanese man in a room as "the japanese." there are some nationality/ethnic terms that just don't work as nouns in english.

7- spanish is not simon's one native language-- or at least not any more than swedish is. he grew up in a mixed-race household, speaking two different languages. it's pointless to call spanish his native language when comparing it to swedish. both are his native languages. also, while we're at this, wille is probably at least bilingual (i'm assuming he can speak at least english), although he only has one native language. it's hardly a competition between the two boys as to who's more of a polyglot.

7b- simon wouldn't take classes on the spanish language-- like to learn how to SPEAK the language-- since spanish is one of his native languages. he wouldn't take them at hillerska, nor in university, nor elsewhere. he wouldn't be allowed. you're literally not allowed to take classes on your native language, nor get credit for said classes. trust me, those would've been an easy extra 24 credits for me in college if that was a thing.

EDIT: have been made aware (thanks, @rightsogetthis and @plantbasedfish!) that at least in sweden and in finland one IS allowed to take classes of your non-swedish/finnish native language, in certain circumstances. i have to say, i'd be pissed if i were taking my french classes alongside a french native speaker, but hey, the system's the system, i guess. ;) so i've struck this one out.

8- dear god please don't use google translate for your spanish translations. listen, i'm not judging-- i do it with other languages, too, when i'm in a pinch. but google translate is literally The Worst (tm) so i always try to either check with someone, or stick to the stuff i already know is correct. seriously, you don't want to know the kinds of crazy stuff GT can spit out that people actually put out in the real world; some of them are quite hilarious. if you're unsure, my ask box/messages are always open and i looooove helping people with this kind of thing, hispanic language and cultural stuff. i know it seems like i'm hardly around, but i do check my messages. don't be shy, even if it's something really small.

PS: while i'm talking pet peeves, malin is wille's bodyguard, not his butler. she's nice enough to attend to him at hillerska because there's no other palace staff around and she's literally stationed outside his door, but she wouldn't do that in the actual palace. there's other staff for that. she wouldn't even guard him at the palace, i don't think, because the royal palaces in sweden are guarded by the royal guard, not SÄPO. if anything, malin might spend the time while wille is in the palace grounds at a gatehouse (like in YR 2x03 and onwards) or at some kind of security office in the palace, and then get called whenever wille needs to go anywhere. she wouldn't be giving wille messages from the queen or walking guests to wille's room or anything like that. that's not her job. (sorry, i had to get that off my chest, lol.)

[l0t4n]

VOICE CLIPS THEY RECORD OF YOU IN SECRET

a/n I just caught up with Noragami - since the last chapter is coming out in three days, I want to write fanfic for it, but I have absolutely no ideas -3- such is the world... I may write an nsfw version of this prompt too, lmk if there's anything specific you would want to see out of that!

Contains the brothers, gn mc. In honor of that one chat where Belphie reveals he has a hoard of embarrassing sound files of his brothers - what would they record you saying/doing when you aren't looking?

LUCIFER

-since he spends so long away from you for work, a lot of the recordings he holds onto are likely accidental/taken from conversations he wasn't even involved in

-a boring video call he had to attend for work where you pop in for just a moment, before realizing he's on call and scurrying away

-a voice memo Diavolo sends him where you're talking in the background

-and he secretly holds onto his favorite voice clips that the others send to make fun of you

-knows it comes off rather desperate and strange, which is not the way he wants to come off

-but can't bring himself to delete any of them

-I would say what would happen if you found his collection, but he would move the three realms to keep it so you wouldn't even suspect it exists

MAMMON

-he will record literally anything

-any time he can pull up the voice memo app fast enough to catch something is good enough for him

-especially fond of catching clips of you while you're audibly happy, like when you're laughing or talking about a topic you're invested in

-also saves any clips he can get his hands on

-he doesn't feel bad about recording you, nor does he hide it from everyone else, but he is very sensitive to the thought of you finding out specifically

-he still isn't very careful

-will openly ask you to repeat yourself whenever you make a good joke or after you start rambling about something you like

-he just won't tell you it's so he can get his phone out and record you, even if he has to hold it behind his back or underneath the table to do so

-there's a high likelihood of you finding out eventually, since he's notoriously bad at being sneaky

-once you do, he will obviously jump to explain how it's not at all because he likes you…

-he's embarrassed at first, but moves on from it quickly if you don't get upset

LEVIATHAN

-definitely the most prolific offender

-his collection of mc voice clips is the largest

-amassed through skills he's learned from his many other collection-based hobbies

-may go to the extent of wearing a hidden microphone any day he knows he'll be around you a lot, then editing it down to the best clips once he gets home

-he CANNOT run the risk of missing your best lines

-saves any lines he gets from others too

-may take voice clips as debt payment from Mammon if the clip is good enough

-all that being said: he is very, very aware and very, very self conscious of how creepy this comes across

-he honestly doesn't mean it that way, collecting is simply a hobby that brings him comfort, so of course he winds up combining the things he enjoys

-it's not like his collection of mc voice clips is the ONLY audio-based collection he keeps

-(but it's definitely the one he cares the most about)

-if you find out by snooping through his DDD or computer, he will be so utterly ashamed

-will sequester himself away like never before

-his physical health may genuinely be at risk if this occurs, please reassure him that you don't find it creepy

SATAN

-very picky with what he deems a worthy mc voice clip to save

-may ask you to record yourself reading for him

-if you ask why, he might say he wants to know the contents of the book, but wants to do something else while he listens

-that is partially true, he will listen to you read while multitasking or doing chores or homework

-but he also listens to it while reading along with the physical book, or otherwise during times when he could absolutely read it himself instead, or just to fall asleep to…

-of course, if anyone has any clips of you meowing, he will demand to have them for safe-keeping

-but otherwise, his collection may be larger due to the individual size of the files, but in terms of actual quantity, he probably has the fewest audio files of your voice

-nevertheless, if you were to find out how many times he re-listens to the clips you send him, he would get rather defensive at first

-admits to it and softens up quickly, though

-if you were to tell him that you don't mind, he would probably ask you to record yourself reading for him far more often

ASMODEUS

-stickler for quality, second only to Levi in that department

-while he will collect voice clips of you to listen back to on bad days, he will not take low quality or barely audible clips

-actually very offended at the idea

-your beauty is best represented through audio at the highest possible quality!

-will not hesitate to tear into Mammon for this, or Lucifer especially, if he ever manages to find out about his own collection

-will mostly collect his clips by asking you to record things for him to put in his DevilTube videos

-he may or may not actually use them, but more likely to slip it in if he knows you'll watch it later

-will also hide the fact he's trying to record your voice by pretending to take impromptu videos for Devilgram

-those, he's even more unlikely to post, even if he knows you're watching

-usually just says that, upon rewatching, it revealed too many “personal details”

-doesn't actually care much if you find out about his collection, but will get upset if you don't make your thoughts known on it

-he went through all that trouble collecting only the best clips, the least you could do is let him know how you feel…

BEELZEBUB

-doesn't really care much for it

-may save any of the sickly-sweet ones Levi records of you saying things like “good morning” and “I love you”

-otherwise, enjoys spending time with you in person much more

-when he's enjoying your company, it doesn't really strike him to record whatever you're saying

-but when he's lonely or missing you, he either falls back on the clips the others catch, or asks you up front to call him/send him audio files/come see him

-isn't actually shy or nervous about asking you for voice recordings outright, even to the extent of asking you what to say on occasion

-will be very pleased and send you clips of himself talking as well if you let him know that you don't mind

-may be a bit excessive with how frequently he asks you to record something and how frequently he sends you voice notes, however

BELPHEGOR

-has a secret trick up his sleeve

-you would ASSUME he's asleep all the time, and thus too unconscious to catch recordings

-but you would be partially incorrect

-while he does trade with Levi and Satan frequently, especially for long audio files for him to fall asleep to, it turns out that merely pretending to be asleep is a wonderful way to get people to ignore you while you record them

-they let their guard down and talk to themselves, which is how he acquired all the other voice clips he has of his brothers saying embarrassing things

-since he sleeps in your room so often, he enjoys collecting clips of you sleep talking, or things you say right after waking up

-isn't really embarrassed about keeping the clips, although he won't find it important enough to tell you or ask you for recordings outright

-where he otherwise would've tried to play dead or keep the phone a reasonable distance away from you before, however, if you say you don't mind

-he will become a menace

-any time you say something he wants to record, he will immediately pull his phone out, shove it in your face, and ask you to repeat yourself

-is not subtle at all with the way he hovers near you, holding his phone going forward

[hearts4golbach]

The Night Shift.

Chapter 7.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

I sat at the counter with my notebook and pen, scribbling down ideas for new recipes or drinks. My mind frequently wandered to johnnie, and it worried me. I couldn't get what Jake asked me out of my brain. did I like johnnie? I couldn't tell if what I was feeling was just having a really good friend or something more. I cringed at myself. I doodled on the side of my page, drawing hearts and stars until someone walked in.

"Hello, miss." the man said with a heavy southern accent. I suppressed a laugh, thinking about Jake.

"Hi, what can i get for you?"

"Let me get the peanut butter mocha, please. That'll be all." he sighed. I nodded in response. "You got a boyfriend?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded. I immediately thought about johnnie. "No, sir."

"Well, don't worry. once you find someone, you'll know." he had a crooked tooth grin.

"Oh, thank you." I smiled. it confused me where this came from. "Why do you say?"

"You learn to read how people feel when you have a bipolar wife." he snorted.

"Well, you were spot on."

a woman walked in behind him on her phone. she looked up and smiled at me. she was beautiful, even if she had a messy bun and no makeup. she seemed sweet.

"Listen, you seem like a nice girl. you've got looks on your side, too. I say go for it. I know I don't know your situation, but when you look back, you'll regret it."

I was getting a little more concerned each second. this was almost creepy. how could he be so right? I passed his coffee over the counter. "Thank you." I said genuinely.

he nodded, not saying a word as he walked out of the cafe.

"What was that about?" the girl asked, walking up to the counter.

"Apparently, he could sense how I was feeling. I've been overthinking about this guy I met, and he was spot on." I shrugged.

"so, when's he going to tell my fortune?" she joked, pulling out her wallet. "tell me about this guy."

"well, I met him a few days ago. I think he's really cute and we've had our... moments, I guess. i think I might be gaslighting myself into thinking I don't like him like that. I've never had a boyfriend, let alone a genuine crush." I rambled. "I genuinely do not know why I'm opening up to strangers."

"I mean, who knows if we'll ever cross paths again."

"still, I feel stupid." I shake my head. "anyway, what can I get for you?"

"can I just get an iced caramel coffee?" she asked with a sweet smile on her face.

I hum, turning around to make it. What a weird night, I'll probably end up rephrasing to tell johnnie later. we talked little after she asked.

"I hope you have a good night." I smiled softly as I handed her coffee over the counter.

"you too." she smiled back before walking out.

I sat back down and continued to try and write, but my mind frequently wandered back to johnnie. was he even coming tonight?

about an hour and a half later, the door bell rang. "Hey, y/n." Johnnie's tired voice called. I looked up, he carried his computer under one arm.

"johnnie, how bad is your sleep schedule?" I teased, "this is the 3rd night in a row you've come to see me. you must love my face to come here at like 2 am every night."

"what can I say? I get really bad nightmares and your face does in fact make me feel better."

my gaze softened as I smiled.

"do you mind if I hang out in here and edit a video?"

"I'd love that." my heart fluttered at Johnnie's presence.

I turned around to clean the counters as he chose the table closest to where I was. he lazily opened his computer and pulled up the needed footage.

I hummed quietly to what was playing in my headphone as I finished wiping everything down. I fixed myself a coffee and went to sit across from him.

"I had the weirdest fucking encounter today." I mentioned.

he looked up. "what happened?"

"This guy came in and told me that I seemed stressed over a guy and that I'll know if he's the right person and I shouldn't fight my feelings off." I blurted, not bothering to rephrase it.

he made eye contact with me again, curiosity glistening in his eyes. "so, like, a connection you can't explain? thats really poetic."

"yeah, it's scary cause he's right." I mumbled.

"well, if you think you've found that person, then go for it. life's too short to not." he looks back down at his laptop.

"what if I'm not sure if he likes me back?"

a twinge of hurt flashed in his eyes. he seemed to be scrounging for ways to respond. "well, what if he's just as unsure as you?" he asked knowingly.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "so should I really think on it?"

"you might be wasting time, but you never know. maybe waiting is a good decision." he avoided eye contact with me.

"are you good?"

"yeah." he trailed off, rubbing his arm.

silence filled the room for a good minute, I zoned out, staring into my coffee once more.

"have you ever felt that way?"

"felt like what?"

"when you like someone but you're terrified it'll ruin something good?" I pondered.

he looked up, his gaze softening. "yeah, the fear of losing someone so special even though nothing has happened yet?"

"yeah, exactly."

"well, I guess we have to take risks. step out of our comfort zone, you know?" he paused. "at least we could say we tried, right?"

"right." I whispered, awkward tension filled the room.

he cleared his throat. "when you know, you know."

[nervoushottee]

A Solemn Promise Ch. 5 | Joel Miller Series

Summary: The group heads to Joel and Tess' apartment to prep and plan. You and Joel both don't want to be around eachother but life decides otherwise...

Warnings: Not many, cursing, blood, small injuries, regular the last of us warnings.

Note: HEY HOTTEES I missed you guys and this series so so much! I know it's been like MONTHS since I updated this series but I was at a loss of where to go with this story. Since this fanfic is very canon compliant and goes along with the tlou show, its takes alotttt to write the fic and connect to the show.

But! I'm slowly coming back to it!!! I don't want to make any promise just yet but I was sitting on this chapter for a long time so here it is! hope you enjoy!

*comments and reblogs are always appreciated*

(limited editing)

----- ----- -----

The four of them arrive back inside, heading to  Tess and Joel’s apartment. All of them were wet from the cold rain that poured on the streets. Tess at the front with keys in her hand, you and Ellie are side by side in the middle and Joel at the rear. 

With a turn of the key, Tess opens the apartment door. She walks in and you follow in suit. Your eyes linger at the common area. Ellie hesitates, Joel gesturing to her to follow. When she does, Tess quickly steps out and closes the door with you and Ellie in the apartment. “What the fuck?!?” Ellie exclaims. 

“So what’s the plan?” Joel asks.

“There’s not a lot of options. There’s the short way or the long way.” Tess explains. They both know that the short way wouldn’t be ideal as Tess states. “That leaves the long way. If things look bad, we’ll come up with something. We’ll have to drop, head to Bill and Frank’s. Stock up on everything we need.” He tells her.

Tess agrees to the plan, nodding a few times as she stares at the wall. Assessing the plan and the trip over in her head, Joel assumes. After a few seconds she turns her head back to Joel, staring at him. 

There’s that silence again. 

That thick silence that came when they were in the hallway minutes before. That deafening quiet meant that Tess was going to bring you up again and he couldn't run from it this time. But he’ll try to, he’ll dismiss it as much as he could despite everything. 

“That’s her isn’t it?” Tess asks him softly. She doesn’t question him with anger, or jealousy. Just a simple question but it rubs Joel the wrong way all the same. He didn’t want you here. He didn’t want to talk about you, especially with Tess. 

He had brought you up once years ago when he had felt vulnerable enough to speak about it. Four glasses of whiskey deep mixed with a couple pills would do that to you. He only spoke about you very briefly, and what he said wasn’t much despite being under the influence. But it was enough for Tess to remember and bring it up now.

“Does it matter?” annoyed that she’s continuing to push the question of who you were to him. But Tess still stares, her eyes flooded with an emotion that he could never properly entertain with her. Not as much as she wanted him to anyway. She scoffs softly, “I guess not.” 

Joel readjusts his stance but does not push her statement any further. He can tell she’s upset and that she wants more, but they both knew that he wasn’t going to give it to her. “We leave after dark, stay with the kid.” she says to him abruptly, walking past him and heading down the hallway. She’s leaving him with the kid and you. 

He didn’t know if it was a punishment or if she just wanted to give the two of you some time alone. Either way he didn’t like it. “Wait, why do I have to-” , he couldn’t finish his sentence as Tess got farther away from him.   “Tess.” he calls out to her and the woman doesn’t turn back. “Tess!” he calls out again, but she turns down the hallway and leaves. 

He lets out a huge sigh. He’s exhausted both mentally and physically. In all honesty, he would prefer if he could just sleep for ten days. But like always, there were things to do. And even if given the chance to rest for such a long time. Joel would probably put up a fight and find an excuse to not do it.

The front door to his apartment opened, you stepping out and closing the door behind you.

It was just the two of you now. No Tess, who was long gone. No Ellie who was still protesting behind the door of not being involved. Just the two of you. And if Joel closed his eyes, he could make himself go back to twenty years ago.

 The salt and pepper in his hair are gone. His calloused fingers from construction work instead of survival. Your hair, longer from the cut it is now. The look in your eyes, more playful and loving. Instead of being a glare that you hadn’t gotten rid of since you both saw each other again for the first time in such a long time. But that is just a dream. A memory too faint to even feel real. And from the look on your face you didn’t want it to.

Yea, Joel didn’t want you here.

“So what’s the plan?'' you ask him. Joel doesn’t respond to your question immediately. Hesitating on if he should even tell you what would happen next in the first place. “We stay here for a bit, lay low until it’s darker out. When Tess comes back we’ll leave.” You nod your head at the information, “Okay.”, with that you turn, headed back into the apartment. 

But for some reason Joel stops you. Despite his best efforts, despite his years of pushing back anything that burned too bright about his past. Despite the constant denial he gives Tess.  His curiosity of you gets the best of him for just one moment. 

“Ad-”  he starts to call your name.

“Don’t.” You hiss at him, turning yourself back in his direction. 

You’re angry now, desperate even. Not the kind of desperate that Marlene reeked of when she begged for them to take Ellie. But a desperation in not wanting to have the conversation both of you knew you probably needed to have. “It’s Woods to you.” You side step your balance on your other foot and point your finger at him. “This,” you start, pointing back and forth between both you and him. “We don’t need to talk about it. We don’t need to make it a big fucking deal.” 

“Never said I was gonna make it one.” Joel responds with a quickness.  

The open chance for you both to have a brief moment washed away quickly with your attitude.

“Good. That makes it a lot easier.”you state. 

He scoffs, “You sure are a ray of sunshine.”

If you were offended by his remark you didn’t say anything. “Once we get out of here, and Ellie is safe and we’re on our way with the rest of the Fireflies, we can put this behind us.” 

“We both go our separate ways and you can run off to your brother.” You finish

“Fantastic.” He says monotone

“Great.” 

You turn to open the apartment door and Joel follows you inside. Joel walks past the two of you and places his bag against the couch before taking a seat. “So who’s Bill and Frank?” 

Joel sees you sit down at the table, letting your bag fall next to you. 

Ellie continues, “The radio’s a smuggling code, right? ‘60s songs, they don’t have anything new, 70s, they got new stuff. What’s 80s?” Joel never answers the young girl's question, already annoyed at the fact that not she hadn’t been here even five minutes and the young girl was already snooping in things that didn’t belong to her.  He gets up and takes the book out of her hand and tosses it at the table you were sitting at and heads back to the couch to lay down. 

“Next time ask before you go snooping through people’s things please.” he can hear you say to her. 

“Well how could I when they kept me in here by myself for so long?”

“Patience is a thing, Williams.” you state with a small tune in your voice. 

“Yea, yeah Woods.” she mutters back. 

He listens to the whole ordeal, the playful tone of  banter between you two. Do you let Ellie only call you Woods too? Is there a reason why you only go by your last name? He assumed ‘Williams’ was Ellie’s last name. But the way the two of you said it back to each other, it didn’t seem like a standard. But a simple play at words that meant more than just saying each other's name. 

Joel lays down on the couch with his eyes closed. He can hear the footsteps of a person who assumed was the annoying girl. “What are you doing?”

 “Killin’ time.” he says simply

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” the young asks loudly

“I’m sure you and Woods will figure it out.” 

Joel hears you sigh and the sound of his kitchen chair creaking. Indicating you stood up from where you were sitting previously. “Actually, you got a mirror? I need to clean and cover up some of these cuts  but I can’t see much.” you ask him nodding your head towards the window, the sky getting darker and darker with each minute.  

Joel opens his eyes at your question to see you already staring at him. Your hands on your hips in question. The same thing you used to do 20 years ago when you were annoyed with him and asked him something. He points his finger lazily, “The door behind you.” He watches as you turn around and mutter a “thanks”. Grabbing your bag, you open the door which leads you to the bathroom. There wasn’t much for light and the bathroom amenities barely worked as is. But a mirror doesn’t need power to work.

 He closes his eyes again to try to get some sleep before it’s time to move. Ellie sighs as she walks past Joel opting to sit in the chair by the window. “Your watch is broken.”Despite it being a simple sentence that didn’t mean anything to the young girl. Meant everything to him. The watch that was gifted to him by the one he held so dear to his heart, gone. The woman he loved was just a painful memory now real and alive, now an entirely different person as was he. The day, the night which was supposed to be a wonderful night turned to hell in a matter of hours. 

Joel opens his eyes and sees you. With how he lays on the couch, he has a full view of his common area. The front door, to see when Tess comes back. The kitchen table you once sat at, now the bathroom you stood in with the door open. The small lamp used for light illuminated the small room with its white hue. 

He had a full view of you as he watched you patch up the wounds and bruises you had received from a now dead member of Robert and his crew. Your jacket was off, in the sink that you leaned over to look at the cut that was blazing red on your neck. You were applying a piece of cloth to stop the bleeding. You grunted from the pain as you applied pressure. His eyes trailed your body and stopped at your waist. Your tank top rising from you reaching towards your neck. A sliver of your lower stomach showing everytime you lifted your shoulders.

With the help of the dim lamp light, Joel could see a small glimpse of a  tattoo peeking through on your right side. Joel’s heart sank and his blood ran cold when he realized what the tattoo was. 

He couldn’t see all of it, as it looked like the tattoo seeped farther down into your jeans. But he did see a part of it. Before he could be sure what it was, your shirt was shoved down. He looks back up at your face to see you already staring back at him. With a fierce look in your eyes, you grab the door and close it shut, away from Joel’s view. 

Now slightly embarrassed and interested all at the same time, the man closes his eyes and lets sleep rush over him.

— — — — 

You had finished cleaning up your wounds a long time ago. 

The door now closed and away from Joel’s curious stare, you stand in the barely lit bathroom. Deep breaths going in through your nose and out through your mouth. You assess everything that's happened in only a few short hours.

Marlene and Kim are badly wounded. The rest of the team that was in that hallway was wiped out. One of ‘Robert’s’ goons trying to make you join them a few hallways down. Marlene making the decision of you and Ellie being “cargo” to Tess and Joel.

Joel.  A man you tried to put behind you for years now. To keep that part of your life dead and buried for as long as you could. It was forcefully dug out of the dirt and thrown back into your life without a say on either of your parts. Unwanted feelings and memories resurfacing with every waking minute you stand close to him. 

He was supposed to think you were dead. You wanted to keep it that way. And if you had the right idea, you would grab Ellie and take her away when he was sleeping and get to the rest of the Fireflies yourself. But Marlene was right, it was too risky to do it alone. You would never forgive yourself if you died and left Ellie alone before getting there. The plan wasn’t to die, but in this world there’s always a risk. There’s always a “what if”. 

Plus, you cheated death once, you didn’t think God would  let you do it again. 

The only other option was to let Joel and Tess take you both there. Let the man you onced loved so dearly, with every fiber in your being,  bring Ellie safely to the group. The man who you knew like the back of your hand. Twenty years can change so much about a person.  If there was no such thing as infection or the world didn’t go to shit, age would be the main reason for that change. Both older, and both having to do things to survive. 

You knew with time, if you weren’t careful with your anger towards him or if Joel would stop staring at you. Ellie will get curious and ask questions. You loved that young girl with everything you still had in you but the questions you knew she would ask would bring up things you wouldn’t want to talk about. 

After a minute or so, you finally looked at yourself in the dirty mirror. Giving your wounds a final once over and put your jacket back on. Open the door to see Ellie sitting at the window next to the couch Joel was sleeping on. The girl turned her head at the sound of the door opening, her thumb against her mouth as she bites her nail, a dirty habit you’ve been trying to get her out of.  “He mumbles in his sleep.”

You walk over to place your bag back on the kitchen table. “Oh yeah?” 

“He said your name a few times… and something about daisies.” she tells you. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It wouldn’t be you and your angry comments or even Joel’s intense stares that would get Ellie to bring up your past. It would be Joel and his stupid mumbling in his sleep. His own subconscious coming out to bite you in the ass. You sigh, not even bothering to try to come up with something to change Ellie’s mind.When you don’t respond back to her, simply just placing the items you just used back in your bag, Ellie speaks. 

“You got anything to say on that?” Ellie questions. 

You grab a chair and drag it across the floor, closer to where Ellie was sitting.  You hope the annoying sound of the chair legs scraping the floor would cause the stupid man on the couch to wake up. So he can endure the same questioning you knew Ellie was going to give you. He stays asleep to your disappointment, eyebrows furrowed as if he’s having a bad dream. 

You sit down with a grunt, propping your feet up at the foot stool. “Not really.”

Ellie squints her eyes at you, something she does when she tries to “intimidate” you into telling her the truth about something. “If you try to lie it wouldn’t work either. Because he said your name.”  You roll your eyes and shake your head, “He could know another person with that name.”

“Would that other person have a bunch of daisies tattooed on them?” She got you there. You don’t say a thing, which gives her the confirmation she needed. Eager to know more she turns herself more towards you, giving you her full attention.  Her eyes light up as they always do when she learns something new or does something exciting. You could already tell the thousand of questions that were piling up her tongue. “So you two know each other?”

“Knew. Knew each other.” you correct her. Emphasizing the past tense.

“Same thing. Either way you both know something about the other.” 

She wasn’t going to let this go, you knew that. And once Joel woke up, she’d probably ask him and you’d rather not be in the same room when that happens. You rather be a thousand miles away and preferably still dead in his mind but you can’t always get what you want. “It was a long time ago, El.” you say to her softly. You look up at her and hope she can see in your eyes and in the tone of your voice that you really weren’t up for the conversation. 

She seemed to catch on, her raised shoulders in excitement now relaxed. Her eyes less dim as she sighs. “Later?” asking if she can ask you about it another time.

“Sure.”

Joel wakes up with a deep breath. “You mumble in your sleep.” Ellie tells him. 

You watch Joel sit up from his layed position. Stretching out his shoulder, probably sore from sleeping on the couch.  “I’ve never been on the other side of the wall. Addie tells me stories but I never saw it for myself.” Ellie states.

You can feel Joel turn his head at you when Ellie says your nickname. After your stern statement of telling him not to say your name or anything in relation to it. You’re not surprised that Joel is shocked to hear Ellie say it so casually. 

You don’t look at him though. Your eyes linger on the blue and purple butterfly taped on the window. Your mind lingers to old memories that still hurt after so many years. “You guys go out there alot? You and Tess?” Ellie asks. 

 “I guess..” he replies. 

“When was the last time?” You can tell these questions Ellie asks aren’t with excitement or positive curiosity. She was scared. And with being so young and never seeing much of anything except the QZ or the FEDRA school you didn’t blame her. 

“Maybe a year. What’s it matter?” he questions in annoyance. 

“What matters is  do you know where you’re going?” You ask him, helping Ellie ask the question she truly wanted to know. “Do you?” Ellie pushes, “So we’re going to be okay.”

You watch Joel, his annoyance leaving slightly once he realizes what you already know. Despite everything, despite how fierce Ellie may seem. Or brave or determined she may look, she is still a young girl. A young girl that is experiencing all these new things in the span of such a short time and she’s scared. 

His eyes flicker to you briefly before answering. You raise your eyebrows with your arms crossed. Waiting for his answer. “Yeah.” he finally says, leaning back on the couch. 

Satisfied with his answer, Ellie turns her attention back to the window. Looking outside in the dark streets of the Boston QZ. “Look how dark it is.” You hum in agreement. From where you're seeing you can get a view of what's outside the window. Your eyes flickering back to that butterfly every so often. 

“So what’s the deal with you anyway?” Joel asks curiously, “You some kinda bigwig’s daughter or somethin’?” You laugh quietly at his question. If that were the case, this trip would be a whole lot easier than what it probably is going to be. “Something like that.” Ellie tells him, with a smirk on her face as the two of you look at eachother. Joel looks between the two of you for more commentary on the matter besides what Ellie had said. 

“Oh, that radio came on when you were asleep.” Ellie told Joel. 

Your eyebrows furrowed, not remembering hearing the radio go off. Maybe it did when you were in the bathroom but either way you still would’ve heard something. “What? What was the song?” Joel’s now relaxed position turned interested as he leant forward to listen to what Ellie had to say. “He kept saying, ‘Wake me up before you go-go?” the young girl looked at you confused then back at Joel. You knew the old song, hadn’t heard it in a long while but had no clue what it meant to Joel. 

“Shit.” Joel whispers to himself, you curiosity perks up at his reaction and from the corner of your eye you see Ellie smile smugly.“Gotcha. 80s means trouble. Code broken.” 

“Ellie-” you begin to scold her for what feels like constantly for her nosyness.

“Listen-” Joel speaks up to more than likely scold her also for her nosyness. 

You and Joel both didn’t get to finish what you were going to say when the apartment door opens. Tess was back from wherever she had gone. 

“The spot under Lancaster looks good.” She says to Joel, placing her bag down on the chair you once sat in. She looks at the three of you until her eyes land on you.  “She got a jacket?”

“Yea, in her pack.” you respond back.

“Good, get it out and let's go. It’s time.”

Everyone gets up with her announcement. You get your bag that was on the floor and put it  across your shoulders. Ellie does the same after she puts her jacket on. The both of you head toward the front door as you watch both Joel and Tess speak without words. 

“We’re ready.” you tell them. 

With that, the four of you head out the door. You were hoping this would be easy, but that was asking for a lot.

----- ----- -----

taglist: @givemeth @lost-inside-my-mind23 @marantha @lunxramour @silas-222 @drewharrisonwriter @violinchick @l3laze @n7cje @duckybird101 @anavatazes @hoemadegrace @catchallfangirl @elliaze @noisynightmarepoetry @spookyxsam @bearrycool @amberpanda99 @kirsteng42 @capswife

(comment if you want to be added to the taglist and I will add you!)

[wannaeatramyeon]

You hit the nail on the head! I‘ll ask for more professional assessment: honest opinion on Crystal?

Following on from my ramblings about Sally Park. Oops! Edited to add in Zoe too.

Well written female characters in Lookism? Uhh...

When the bar is at an all time low, it's really not hard to step over it.

At this point, I've been pavloved to think that any female character that expresses a personality trait other than 'simp' is pretty good. Simp is fun when it's part of a list of characteristics (Zack, Ryuhei). Not so much when it's the only thing.

Long live PTJ, the greatest feminist. Anyway.

Female characters I like

Mary Kim

Love her. Empress of 2 seconds. Queen of my heart.

Surprisingly kept a platonic relationship with Vin Jin, showing quite a healthy mixed gender friendship. Sassy and smart. Loyal. Good taste in men (Jace). Is shown having a life and interests outside of a man.

On my hands and knees praying that PTJ doesn't ruin her. Kinda glad she hasn't appeared in a while so she is kept away from his incessant need to turn everyone into a love interest.

Lua Im

Once we got over the odd Johan panels, which I heard the Korean audience didn't like and I'm quite happy about, she's fine. And it's not that I care that much about Johan staying a single dog-dad, I just needed a coherent reasoning/build up why they would be interested in one another.

Lua has potential.

Sourcing intel, even impressing the likes of Gun? A little Muay Thai knowledge? Jake and Jerry scared of her? Lol. Ok. Good. Let's build on this.

Just please don't white knight her.

Crystal Choi (meh)

And Ms. Choi, because anon specifically asked. I really don't mind her? I know she's meant to be anti-Lookism but still judges people based on their looks eh. That's fine. Pretty realistic actually. Whatever.

She can be a bit bitchy for no reason. So can I. Handwaving all that.

What I do take issue with though, is her so called title of Business Genius. Please show me the chapter where she actually does something to earn that title besides the one where other people ooh-ed and aah-ed over her in the meeting with DG.

Wow she's sooooo gorgeous. Ok good for her. If that's the route they're taking her character then at least OWN. THAT. SHIT. Use her beauty and looks to sign deals and get what she wants. GOOD. DO IT.

Zoe Park (also meh... Wait)

Sorry anon, I think 'really well written' is a bit of a reach... She does have some decent character development, starting as quite a flighty, shallow girl and then showing that she has a heart of gold, liking both Daniels and. Huh.

Wait. You're right. She is pretty well written. She's selfless and kind and loyal to her friends, putting up with Logan's bullshit. There's enough of a character arc for her from the Zoe we're introduced to at first.

And I do like that she's good at maths too.

Wasted potential

Minseong Kang (Jake's momma)

Appreciate this is the older generation and from a much more conservative culture. Saying that, I am so over the slighted and bitter housewife rotting at home while her big powerful husband cheats on her.

And then some sort of marriage redemption cos they pop out a kid. Whatever. (Sorry Jake bb, I love you).

If you were going to do that, give me the most toxic red flag shit where they are constantly at each other's THROATS. Show me how they are equals. Can't live with or without one another. That's the good kinda shit.

Leonn Lee

I just. What the fuck was this.

A girl in Burn Knuckles? A group that reeks of testerone and (positive) masculinity? Show us why she joined! Show us why she stays. SURPRISE. Main character trait?? Having a crush on Vasco.

She could have been SO interesting. And she obviously trains, why not get her to fight?

Hate for irrational reasons

Joy Hong

Listen, she's not really in enough or significant enough for me to really feel one way or another about her. BUT. The reason I HATE her is because I was trying to write a headcanon involving everyone and then I got to Joy and I was STUMPED.

Sub in a plank of wood, and it would have the same depth of personality.

Truly. Who is she apart from Jay's sister and a Daniel simp? At least everyone else has something.

Others

I don't really think about them. Sera Shin has potential I guess.

And of course a special mention to Daniel's momma. She's not exactly a unique character, but who doesn't love her?

LET. THEM. FIGHT.

Lastly. Why can't we see women fight? Like the men's fights are realistic LOL. Ultra instinct? Smashing through walls? So why are women fighting men outside the realms of this.

And yes yes. Men are SoOoOoOo strong. But can they take a kick to the balls?

Are you saying Gun Park has been training his dick and balls and would be able to eat a hit there? He wouldn't go down like a heap of shit??

HUH. TELL ME THAT.

In Summary

Mary by and large is pretty well written. Lua has improved.

I don't care much about anyone else.

And I wanna see Gun, Goo, Sammy, Vin etc. get kicked in the balls in a fight.

[stonemags]

SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.4 Leeway

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary: As a good friend you are responsible for people closest to you, right? But can you handle it all at once? For now, your friends are a priority.

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, aggression, cheating, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass. 

Word count: 6556

A/N: This chapter took a while and im greatfull for all your patience. This story is a proces and i go through it while writing, it growns on me with every sentance and page. Im happy i can share it with you. All ideas, theories, comments are welcome. Dont steal or claim my stuff as yours or im going to bite your ass off. Enjoy!

As always thanks to @charturnus for editing, helping to write and posting this fic. It wouldn't be here without you.

Previous chapter

CHAPTER 4

The next morning. You find Darcy occupied with her phone, laughing at something and scrolling down TikTok. You can tell which side of the platform she is on, and you smile under your breath, hearing the “woooo I’m mentally ill” sound, that both of you love. You gather yourself and enter the living room. You feel guilty, it wasn't right for you to speak to her this way, or say those things. Your opinions should never get between you and your friends, no matter what they do. God, you would help them bury a body without a question, why would you be a bitch about the way they decide to go in their life. That's not your place to say so, and you see it now, after a mostly sleepless night. You need to set things right, you need to apologize. You need to-

“Is this one of your ADHD things, when you just stand in the middle of the room and have a full-on conversation with yourself?” Darcy's voice breaks you out of your reverie, and you look at her with shocked eyes. You get lost sometimes. I guess it was one of those moments. 

“Yeah… I haven't taken my meds yet. Sorry about that.” You hang your head down and move closer to the couch that is occupied by Darcy and at least 5 blankets. Why would anybody need 5 blankets on one couch? It's not even that cold. Yes, it's November, but still, it's pretty warm for this time of the year.

“You are doing it again.” This time she touches your shoulder to bring you out and ground you, in reality a little bit more.

“Shit, sorry.”

“It's okay, what's bothering you?” She knows what, of course, she knows. The whole argument happened not more than 7 hours ago. God, you don't deserve her. 

“Darcy…. About yesterday…” You start fidgeting with your hands. Clearly uncomfortable, you are being eaten up from the inside by guilt. The fuzzy blanket that you are sitting on provides comfort with its texture. 

“About yesterday… I…”

“I know.” And you know she does, but she needs to hear it. You turn to the side to look at her, taking her hand into yours. You two were never touchy with each other. This is the kind of friendship where you would rather die than hug your friend, but you still would die for her in seconds. The older you two got, the closer you were, and the relationship between you two is far more mature now, you both are. 

“Still, even if you do, it wasn't acceptable for me to say those things. I don't have the knowledge of how it looks from your side. I have my own issues, I shouldn’t put that on you or attack you because of them. It wasn't right, and it won't happen again. I'm not going to judge any of you and if I'm going to be confused about anything I'm just going to ask. I was ignorant, angry, tired and rude. Nothing excuses my behaviour. I'm sorry Darcy.” 

She shifts her position and gets really close to you. You feel her arms around your neck and her face hidden in the crook of your neck. She feels warm, like home or fireplace, like the fuzzy blanket under your palm providing you with comfort. It takes you a second, but you practically scoop her up in your arms, hiding her even more in your chest. You stay like that for a little while and once you start pulling away you feel her grabbing you tighter. You don't let go.

“I'm sorry too.” You want to interrupt her, tell her that there is nothing to apologize for, that you were in the wrong, but she speaks again. 

“I said some shitty stuff yesterday. I don't want to talk to you that way. Even if I was a little bit right.” you both laugh at it, and the world gets a little lighter. The heavy feeling on your shoulders, it's always there, it always lingers, but now you don't carry it by yourself. When you finally pull apart, both of your eyes are a little bit glassy, you both notice it, but nobody will say anything. 

“You need to repay me, though. For the things you said.” Of course. You know that she is just using the situation and that you are actually forgiven, but you play the game either way.

“You have one wish. Shoot.”

“And no saying no?”

“No saying no.” 

“I'm going to set you up on a date. And before you interrupt me…”  You were actually going to interrupt her. 

“You have to be there for at least 30 minutes, and then I'm not going to set you up with anyone ever again.”

“Deal.” She looks at you like you’re dumb. This kind of look that tells you she is not done. You take a dramatic breath in.

“What else…?” She smiles and as much as you will never admit it, you want her happy. 

“Today Carol is having a small party with clients, friends, and business partners. It’s Bridgerton themed. You are going to be there, and you are going to like it. And no, you don't have to be there from the start, I know how you feel about all these business conversations. The party starts around 6pm and is going to last till 11pm at least. After that it's just going to be us, Maria, Kate, Pepper, Carol, Natasha and Wanda.” Hearing the last two names pulls a reaction from you. It’s one of the most dramatic eye rolls you've ever done. Darcy is laughing at you at this point, and you can't help but join her. You are not happy about any of that, but at the same time, you owe it to her.

“Yes ma’am.” The blanket beneath your fingers becomes overwhelming, so you start playing with your rings. 

“Good girl, now go because you have classes in half an hour.” She cares, and that's one of the ways she shows you that she does.

“Also, don't worry about your regency outfit! I’ve already taken care of it.” Your best friend tells you, not moving from the couch, as you stand up to take care of breakfast. She really gets on your nerves sometimes, but to be honest, you didn't even think about the outfit. You are grateful, even if it’s her that put you in this situation.

“Actually, I’m not going to uni today.” That's shocking news for her, and you get why she is surprised. 

“I also called off my shift at the bar.” Well that's a double shock, and it's surprising that she can take it. She gets off the couch and walks up to you, checking your temperature.

“Are you sick? Wait, you’re not dying, are you?” You love that dramatic bitch. 

“No, actually, we need to call a family meeting today.” 

‘’Oh,’’ Darcy breathes, realizing that the situation is serious. Only a few times before the meeting was called, this was the day Carol was introduced to all of you, or when Maria finally came out. This is an emergency only situation, and you are pretty sure that this one is justified. 

“Wait, family meeting? Someone died?” Maria’s sleepy voice flows through the room. Her hair is messy. Her silk robe flows nicely around her body. You always admired her confidence, and she is surprisingly kind for such an attractive person. Her hair is freshly cut, shoulder-length is the most comfortable for her, at least that's what she always says when they get too long. You like that about her, the way she knows what she wants, when and how. Even more, you don't understand why she would give control to anyone else. 

“Nobody died. Kate’s home?” You say. 

“Yeah, she came back around 4am.” Darcy's answer is followed by a big yawn. All of you can use a break today, and a little bit more sleep. 

‘’Could you please wake Kate up?’’ You say, turning to Maria. 

‘’I’ll get started on pancakes in the meantime.’’

She moves from her spot by the door and hurries to Kate's room. It's not going to be easy, but the longer you are putting off the conversation, the harder it's going to get. 

Preparing breakfast takes you little to no time, everything always goes by fast when you have Darcy on your side. You two work in perfect harmony, managing to cook, set up the table and even squeeze fresh orange juice for all of you. The scent of sweet citrus filled the whole room, bright sunlight falls aggressively through ajar blinds. Crispy air hits you as you move to close the window, trying to get rid of the burned smell of the last failed pancake. You are still going to eat it, you hate wasting food. 

Darcy is on your right, sitting cross-legged on a high chair with a messy bun and an oversized sweater stolen from Carol. She looks peaceful and warm. Maria sits half naked in front of you. She is always really comfortable in her own skin and it shows. Long pyjama pants and a bra are her go to outfits in the morning. It suits her. When Kate comes out of her room, the first thing that you acknowledge is her wet hair, indicating she just had a shower and dark circles under her eyes. She moves smoothly closer to where you all wait for her and as she moves behind you, she stops in her tracks for a second to wrap her arms around your torso from behind. She hides her head in the crook of your neck, and all you can do is put your hand smoothly through her hair, hugging her closer with one arm. 

“I missed you.” She whispers just for you to hear, and you feel tiredness and pain of the past busy weeks in her voice. It fills you with love, care but also anger for not being able to change it for her, or rather respecting the peace she chooses to live her life on. She needs to learn, and you will be here to catch her if she falls. And that's exactly why family meetings are so needed. 

“I missed you too, hun.” Her smile makes you happy and breaks your heart at the same time. You have been in situations when someone was trying to open your eyes, and you were taking out anger and pain on the messenger. Honestly, there is nothing she could do to push you away, but you know some part of her will hate you after this. 

“So what's the family meeting about? It sounds serious, you even took a day off.” 

“Let's just eat for now. We're gonna talk later.” 

****

You wash the dishes after breakfast while girls talk with each other on the couch. They offered to clean, but you needed a second for yourself to muster up the courage to tell her the truth. Giving yourself time is needed, but also creates moments like this. Wet sponge in your right hand, plate in your left, and your phone laying heavy in your pocket with evidence. You feel it digging into your leg through the material, kind of like pushing you to stop procrastinating the inevitable, so you do. 

You sit down on an ottoman that matches the rest of the couch set and as you sigh heavily, all the attention is drawn to you. Nobody’s rushing you to open up, it's one of the many rules of the meetings. They all wait for you, ready to provide comfort at all times. You lock your eyes with Kate’s, and as you almost always keep your posture and face up, your eyes water up a little, but not enough for them to notice. 

“Go on y/n. Lay it on me.” She is the youngest of all of you, but sometimes she is more mature than all of you combined. 

“Valkyrie is cheating on you.” You can see in her eyes that she thinks it's a joke, another dumb idea of yours to separate the two of them because you don't think her girlfriend deserves her, so you continue. 

“I was at the bar, had my shift with Steve, she was there. There was a whole group of people, God, all of them drunk out of their minds. She came to me and told me that you’re not texting her back. She wasn't too nice about it.” You take a deep breath in and grab anything you have close to you to stop yourself from standing up and pacing around the room. The plastic scrunchie provides some stimulation, so you look at her again. 

“At some point, she started kissing some girl that was in that group. I don't even know if they know each other.” Kate just listens, not taking her eyes off of you. You notice her lips quivering a little, but it's so slight that you’ve almost missed it. 

“Shuri was there, she can vouch for this.” 

“Wait, you saw your ex!?” Darcy jumps in but back off as soon as she can catch herself going off-topic, that's not important right now and she knows it. 

“Show me.” Two words you hoped you wouldn't hear. Speaking about it is one thing, but seeing it with her own eyes will be different. As the last resort, you try to play dumb, pretending not to know what she means.

“This is far too important for you not to have the proof. Just show me y/n, I’m a big girl.” So you do. When you hand her the phone, it’s already opened in your gallery. It's the last thing you recorded. The video starts with Shuri drinking her martini and talking to you about something happening at her university. However, as soon as you zoom into the group, she falls silent. 

‘’Oh fuck,’’ The girls can hear Shuri swearing, combined with your heavy breathing through the speaker in your phone. The scene ends with Valkyrie standing up and dragging the girl behind her into the bathroom area and Shuri’s voice saying “y/n don't do it”. 

“What did you do?” Maria asks what everybody is wondering. You answer her question, but all you say is for Kate and only for her. 

“I didn't do anything. I ended my shift and went home.” She believes you, you are always honest with her, always. 

“I wanted to tell you right after, but this is not something to do over the phone. Maybe I should have just found you at your job, I'm sorry but-” She's interrupting your explanation with the softest voice she has.

“It's okay, I know you are more of a face to face person.” The scrunchie is long forgotten on the floor, and Kate's hands are secured strongly in yours. You caress her palm with your thumb, providing as much comfort through the touch as you can, but she leans back on the couch. You expected anger, sadness, a breakdown or denial, but not this. 

“I mean, she was awful either way, right?” Both Darcy and Maria jump in with copious nodding and approval of that statement. 

“I guess it's for the better, at least I have a good reason to end it now.” With that she…. smiles? Something is wrong, something is very wrong. 

For the next 5 minutes your roommates rumble about how awful Val is, how much better Kate will be without her and how happy they are that she feels that way. Kate jumps in from time to time, smiling and telling them how right they are, and that's when you can't take it anymore. You start laughing, and it takes everybody off guard, to be honest it takes you off guard too. You don't explain anything to anybody as you stand up, take your hurt friend by her hand, and announce that you will be back in a couple of hours for dinner. You are much stronger than Kate, so manhandling her a little into her room is easy. 

“Get dressed, put some training clothes on and take your wallet. I'm taking your car keys, and I'm waiting for you in the car park. Don't make me wait too long.”

“Y/n I’m fine! What are you even doing? I don't understand.” You hug her really close, face buried in your chest, her arms hanging loose on her sides not really knowing what to do with them, but even when she’s not reciprocating you don’t let her go. Your left hand goes all the way around her waist, grabbing her side, while the right hand keeps her head close to you. Your touch feels hungry for closeness with her, while you almost shield her whole body with yours. When you let go, you grab her face into your hands, look deeply into her glassy eyes and smile with the most honest love you ever felt to someone. This kind of love is different from anything else you ever had. You imagine that's the way your brother feels when he looks at you. At least he did when you were younger. 

“You’re not Kate. And it's okay.” You kiss her forehead and tell her once again to get ready before you disappear from her room. 

*** 

The ride to the location takes you around 25 minutes. The whole trip, Kate is trying to get you to tell her where you’re going or what this whole thing is about, but you keep your mouth shut, which makes her more irritated by the minute. It's good, you need her to be irritated, you need her to be mad, and soon enough everything will become clear to why. 

You arrive at a big open space with one building that's in poor condition. Vines have taken over its walls, invading cement and binding everything together with nature. It’s a truly beautiful view if you can just stop for a second and try to understand what's in front of you. It's far, it's quiet, and it's your safe space, one of just the few that you have. You get out of the car, still not answering Kate's questions. She makes it harder for herself and as much as you get why she is doing it, you wish she would stop. 

“What's that place? It looks like a squat.” She comments, and she sounds unnecessarily annoyed.

“This is a place where me and Shuri were meeting for most of the time. It's a safe place and a safe space.”

“Safe for what?”

“To be yourself.” 

Your answer takes her a little bit off guard, you can see by the appearing wrinkles on her forehead that she really thinks about what you just said, and hopefully she will find some truth for herself in your words. She follows you into the building, you take out a bundle of keys, which is definitely too big, you don't even remember what half of them are for, you are pretty sure that some of them were found around here, never finding out their purpose, but the one that you need right now is easy to find. The red band on top of it makes it easy to spot. The word ‘’sanctuary’’ is hand-painted onto the key, and it fills you with warmth and gratitude that your last relationship ended up on good terms. You really appreciate having Shuri in your life, her and her family were nothing but good people to you, and you are glad to reciprocate anytime you can. You open a heavy looking lock and enter the building with Kate on your heels. 

Inside it is really dark and scary looking, dust covers the floors, and various types of glass, wood and all kinds of materials can be found on the side of every wall. Used spray paint cans decorate one corner, making the whole place more alive because of their colours. They also create a nice contrast to the surrounding chaos. All cans are securely stacked in a pyramid shape. A skylight lights up the middle of the room in a theatrical way. You love this place to the bone. 

As Kate looks around with a little disgust on her face she tries to appreciate you getting her out of the house, you collect some things from the locker and close it with a metallic clang. 

“Here,” you say into her direction, getting closer to her with two jumpsuits in hand. She looks surprised, but gets the general idea of what you want from her. She is obliging even if she is not fully sure why you are both here, she’s too shaken up to put it all together. Putting on a brave face is one of her greatest strengths and weaknesses, but you know every little piece of her. At least most of them. 

You start undressing while Kate is half ready with her suit on, you were always impressed with her physique. She’s the one who motivated you to go to the gym, taking you with her a couple of times gave you the kick-start that you needed to go on your own, you are grateful for that, not sure that she is aware of it. As you take off your shirt, you don't notice Kate's eyes lingering on your body. You are muscular it's hard not to be after putting so much work in at the gym, her eyes are tracing the tattoos on your body, from your legs up. You’re  turned away from her, so she has a perfect view of your wide back. She isn’t sure why she’s staring, but it seems natural to do so, so she lets herself. As you turn around to face her, you zip up the suit to your waist, looking for a shirt you took with you. You don't want to ruin your nice clothes, that's why you asked Kate to pack something up herself as well. You look at her. She seems to be stuck for a moment, and her face is red.

“Are you okay?” You reach out to her, worried that she might be on the verge of crying because of her breakup, unaware that the reason for her state is completely different. Kate on the other hand is trying to understand what's happening to her. Nobody was ever as sweet to her as you, so protective and caring. Nobody held her like you do, nobody was interested in her in the way you are. In the beginning she was trying to figure out if that's your way of hitting on her, but after she got to know you a little bit she understood that it's just your nature. It didn't change the fact that she always feels special when you act protective over her or caring in any way. Late night texts telling her to get home safe, to remember about lunch, calling her love. Or just simply sitting down together and letting her talk while you listen. Just the way you let her be with you is enough to get some ideas in her head. She has been questioning for a long time now if she is attracted to you, but even if the answer is yes, your relationship has always been platonic, and she is aware of that. 

“Yes, yes I am. Dress up, or you're going to get sick.” She stops the topic before you can ask her more questions, not wanting to fall into a hot mess in front of you. 

After you both get dressed and leave your stuff secured in the locker, just in case, you take Kate's hand and tell her to follow you. Her palm is soft but cold to the touch, instinctively you start to rub her hand with your thumb to warm it up and comfort her a little, sensing her nervousness. She’s still playing with her hands, grabbing onto her jewellery and loose strands of fabric fraying off of the partially torn jumpsuit. Your touch seems to bring her a little bit more back into the present. You can hear her taking a big breath in when you soothe her hand, and it seems like her arms are starting to relax a little. 

You moved further into the building, which leaves you in front of a massive, heavy looking reinforced door. Something straight out of the teen wolf series. As you open them, you are both hit with too much sunlight coming out of the skylights. Your eyes take a second to adjust and get past the sting of it, Kate tries to blink the pain away too. As soon as her vision is clear, she gets what all of this is about, and she doesn't know how to feel about it. 

“Wha…what? Y/n I don't think it's necessary.” She comments as soon as she sees a table covered in lots of different kinds of mugs, plates, dishes, boxes and bottles. It's warmer here than anywhere else in the building, probably because of the sun coming through the windows. She understands now why the doors are so thick. She waits for your answer, but you leave her in silence. You move to the deep right corner of the room and grab two aluminium bats and two helmets secured in the covered box. Your weapon is strictly for looks, you are not going to participate in breaking today, this day is all about Kate and you need to focus on her. 

“Take it.” She shakes her head, refusing to do so. 

“Kate, take it, please.” She does see that you are being really serious about it. It feels heavy in her hands at first, but her muscle memory is trained on such a good level that it takes her just a minute to get used to the handle and balance of the bat. 

“I don't need it. I know you think I'm sad and heartbroken but I'm not, okay?  It's for the best and we both know it yn.” She pleads with you, it all seems really unnecessary for her. 

“Kate..” you come close to her and put  your free hand on her cheek. “ You are heartbroken, you are tired and you are sad, but most of all you are angry. I can see you holding your fist together every time someone mentions your mother.” Exactly the thing she does as soon as the words leave your mouth. “ I know that you feel betrayed by Val, it doesn't matter if you loved her or not. She abused you for so long, just as your mother. Dont hate me for it but I think you chose her for a reason.” She looks at you not believing your words, and takes a step back. Her eyes ask you what you mean by that and you know she felt a sting because of your assumption. You straighten out your posture and keep going, gambling your friendship in the name of her sanity. 

“You have been controlled since your father died.”

“Stop.” Her voice is low but the tone of it is threatening.

“Your mother uses you as her personal project, to be honest I'm not sure if she was ever a real mother to you.” You continue not letting yourself back up no matter what. She needs this.

“I said stop.” Her voice is louder letting emotions take over a little.

“ Were you saying stop when Val hit you? Or when she was pouring alcohol in your system so she could take advantage of you? You didn’t deserve any of this” She is crying at this point and it pains you to see.

“All those times I was picking you up from her apartment seeing a new bruise on you, all those times when you got hell from your mother or from your girlfriend because you had to choose one and there were no other options in your life. This is not love Kate, it never was.” 

“Nobody asked you to take care of me!!” She is screaming now and you decided to match her energy. 

“BUT I DID! I was cleaning the fucking cuts, i was holding the ice bags and i had to watch you being broken everyday! I had to restrain myself of fucking her up everyday because of your feeling towards her!” Kate never knew about this, so that information is shocking, her head unfortunately for both of you took a defensive state so everything you say is taken personal. !!!

“ If that was such a fucking issue for you you could’ve just told me! I would never ask you for help if I knew!’ The bat in her hand is flying around, she always uses her hands while speaking so it's normal, in this situation though it's a little dangerous. 

“It's not about me ! Its about you Kate, about people fucking you over and over again and you allowing them. It's about the fact that you are angry and you don't let yourself go!”

“I'M NOT ANGRY. I'M IN PAIN! AND THEY’VE PUT ME THERE” With that she delivers a first hit to the stack of plates. It's not in the center so plates end up falling from the table while  breaking a couple of them. It's hard to aim when your face is covered in tears. You grab her arm before she can do a second strike stopping her mid flight. She tries to get out of your hold pushing you away with her other arm but you are one step ahead and you let go of your bat to grab both of her hands. You take her into a strong embrace letting her totally break down in tears. She cries, and it sounds like something she loved, someone she loves has died, maybe a part of her. Her voice is broken and you can hear her asking why, while you drop with her to the floor not letting go for even a second. She is still fighting to get out of your arms but you know that she is not fighting with you. You put your hand on her head closing any space left between you and you try to calm her crying a bit.

“I got you Kate… I'm right here with you, I'm not leaving…. ever. You can let go… just let go, I'm holding you.” And she does. She lets go of all the pain she feels at the moment, lots of memories coming back to her in a big feeling of chaos. It is hard for her to focus on one feeling, one problem, one pain so she grabs on to you tighter trying to ground herself in your touch. She starts paying attention to your fingers tracing patterns on her back, on your breathing being slow and deep and she tries to match it the best she can with her own. She focuses on the vibrations she can feel on her head that are coming from you humming her favorite melody. She finds peace in it and after a little while she slowly lets go of you to take a deep breath in and look at your face. You smile at her with the most genuine smile that she ever saw. 

“Why are you so happy?” She is teasing you, you know she is.

“Because I'm proud of you Katie… so proud.” Your voice is low and soft, like the silence after the storm, like the moment when the rain stops falling abruptly after ripping the sky open with its force. 

You help her stand up and that's the exact moment that she sees blood on your face. Her breath hitches while she points at your cheek. You touch the place and realize that while she hit the plates one piece of them got stuck in your skin. You take it out with almost no force and wipe already dried blood off of you. 

“That's why we wear helmets.” You pick up the gear that was left on the floor, and help her put it safely on her head. After doing the same you hand her a bat and let her have an outlet for all of the forgotten feelings hidden inside of her for so long. Sounds are loud, rapid but so satisfying. Pieces of glass are landing on the walls, the floor and your clothing. At first she was shy with her hits, but you can see that she got more comfortable with the whole idea and actually put some work into it. You hold your cold bat in your left hand, it's only a prop, because today it's about Kate…. today is about Kate yn… You tell yourself trying to suppress any emotions you might have with this whole situation. Stacks of beer glasses seem to have your name written all over them. The bat you are holding gets a little bit heavier in your hand when you tighten your fist around it. Your veins become visible because of the pressure and your eyes are focused on the target, never looking away from it but holding yourself back as much as you can. Just when you start to feel yourself going into emotions, all of the glasses break in front of your eyes. A big hit delivered by Kate crashes them into pieces and powder, and with that she says that it's the last one that she needed. It brings you back out of your head and you nod at her, pointing to the door. 

After leaving the room you give some time for Kate to change into her clothes while you are sweeping the floor to make it nice and tidy, mainly safe. You put down all the equipment and as you move into the room with a locker you can hear Kate humming the same melody you were trying to calm her down with. It warms you from the inside, the fact that you understand her and she trusts you enough to show you the most raw parts of herself. While you change Kate decided to look around some other rooms in the building. Some of them are holding more stuff to break, some of them have camping equipment, making her acknowledge that you probably spend some nights here. As you catch up to her you see that she found one of the most important places for you. The biggest room in this whole building has two chairs in the middle of it and 5 plastic boxes on the right side of it. Chairs are facing one wall, a wall covered in graffiti, with big sentences written in the middle of it. You lean on the entrance while Kate is trying to take it all in. 

“What's that? Ver- Verba Vo…” “Verba Volant Scripta Manent. Spoken words fly away, written words remain.” You explain to her, trying to get her to understand what this place is about. “And what's all over that?” “All the reasons why me and Shuri were coming here. Tony Stark, Loki, work, even when I was arguing with you guys.” You laugh a little at the memory. “Even your mom.” You see her go closer to the wall as she eyes your mothers name written on the wall in the most chaotic way she ever saw. She puts her hand on the cold concrete and touches it lightly, collecting some dirt on her fingers by accident. She doesn't seem to care though. She turns with glossy eyes to look at you and a second later you are holding her in your arms. She is not angry anymore, but sad. Tears flow out while you hold her and allow her to feel all the emotions at once. She doesn't have to pretend with you, she never should. She lets you go and look at your face. Her cold hand lands on your cheek as she is trying to take care of you, leaving some of the dirt on your skin. It throws you off guard for a second because you didn't realize you were crying with her. As soon as you do you whip off the tears that escaped and hand her spray can from one of the plastic boxes.

“Write Katie, everything that's on your shoulders, write it out of you. It will stay here, and you will move on without it.” “Verba Volant Scripta Manent.” She repeats your mantra butchering latin pronunciation, making you laugh. 

“Exactly.” You give her a nod and encourage her to start letting go of all the things that are in her heart. She is a little shy at first but gets a hold of it really quickly. She writes dates, names, words like work, comfort, cheating, fear. With each word she seems to be lighter and you enjoy the view. Carefully she writes everything down avoiding your drawing, your motto, which you really appreciate. As she finishes her work she takes a couple of steps back and enjoys the art of it. You join her, kiss the top of her head and take out of the box the last can, red one to put one last statement. She watches you really carefully as you go to her part of the wall and above everything she has written, you spray a big red word, saying “Rebirth”. As you turn around, a little bit dirty and tired, you feel happiness filling you in as she is smiling at you, in a way you haven't seen in a long time. 

After closing up everything and making sure that the whole place is secured and tidy you make your way to the car. Kate is surprised to see an emotional hangover setup at the back of her car. Bottle of water, her favorite snack and tissues waiting for her, set down with love and care. It always amazes her how you can think in the future. There were countless situations in both your lifes when something unusual, tragic or just really out of nowhere came up and you are always ready for it. At least you seem to be. You are not talking much to each other while going back, no words needed between both of you. Kate can sense that it took a hold on you too so she provides comfort by playing with your hair on the back of your neck while you drive. 

“I texted her.” Kates breaks the silence for a second, her voice barely above whisper. 

“What did you say?” 

“I broke up with her, I officially ended it, and I blocked her.” You put your hand on hers, letting her know you are right next to her. She expected you to be happy but you were always better for her then she anticipated.

“And how do you feel about it?” You ask tenderly. 

“It hurts… I know she wasn't good, she never was, but she meant a lot and it… it just hurts.” You nod your head waiting for her to continue, giving all the space she might need. 

“ But it's going to heal, and as much as it pains me I also feel lighter. I need it. Thank you yn, for everything.” She interviews her fingers with yours and allows silence to take over, leaving you both in each other's comfort. 

Next chapter

───⋆☆────────────────⋆☆────────────────⋆☆─── tag list : @autorasexy @lizziejolsen @natashaswife4125 @sayah13 @romanoffskisser @lijo-8 @jjiiuuisssagcebrcw @natashaswife4125 @dumbassbitchwithnotits @teenybean, @marvelwomen-simp, @ripofflizzie

[eternalchiyo]

𝕆𝕟 𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤

ー The scene starts in Shuu’s room at the Sakamaki castle

Chiyo: I can’t believe you made them prepare only one room…

Shuu: We’ve always did it that way, do you want to seem even more suspicious while digging through my family’s secrets?

Chiyo: Hmph…

(He does have a point. It would be a real hassle if someone were to catch up on why exactly we are here…)

ー Shuu walks over to the bedside table and puts the lights on

Chiyo: What are you doing?

Shuu: Playing a trumpet. What does it look like to you? I am turning the lights on.

Chiyo: I can see that. But why?

Shuu: *sighs*

You don’t like when it’s dark. We can turn them off, I don't care.

Chiyo: No. I mean… thank you.

(I didn’t expect him to act so nice towards me despite his harsh words…)

…

(Why do I feel touched by the fact he still remembers those details…?)

ー She watches him walk towards the window

Chiyo: (I wonder how we should go about this situation. There is no way he is going to be fine with sharing the bed. Not sure I am completely fine with it either…)

Umm… about the bed…

Shuu: Take it for all I care. I have no intention of going to sleep anyway.

Chiyo: (Shuu doesn’t want to sleep? The moon is normal. What made him that way?)

ー She steps closer

Chiyo: Are you okay?

Shuu: Why would you ask? I don’t need your pity.

ー She rolls her eyes

Chiyo: I am not pitying you; I am expressing my concern for you!

(His face is so pale… more than usual... and the shadows under his eyes make it seem like he hasn’t slept properly in days…)

Shuu: ………………………..

I can’t sleep because of nightmares.

ー Chiyo looks up at him with a sad expression and gently puts a hand on his cheek

Shuu: …!

ー They look at each other for a while, before Shuu lowers his head and places his lips on hers

*smooch*

Chiyo: Nn…

(So soft. His lips are cold, but they feel so nice. )

ー He guides her towards the bed until they both fall back on it

ー Shuu pulls her towards him

Chiyo: Haah…

Shuu: Nnn…

ー He pulls away and studies her face

Shuu: This doesn’t mean I forgive you.

Chiyo: I know.

I don’t forgive you either.

*smooch*

I made a little something something to go with the latest CG that I edited. (Thank you @//equinox-86 and @//yuriko-mukami for the suggestion) This scene is from an earlier draft of Everlasting Spark MANIAC chapters. I have since moved the scene to ECSTASY and I will probably rewrite it a bit once the time comes. But I hope you guys will enjoy this little teaser, hehe. And if you are wondering: “Author-Pam, can’t you just write a wholesome scenario without throwing the angst at us?” Well, the answer is yes, but not really. I have been swimming in ShuuChiyo angst since 2017 or earlier, so until I reach their happy ending in the story I don’t know if I am physically able to switch to fluffy and wholesome like that. Illustrations are easier though, so you can expect a lot happier art!

BONUS Me when people ask if I can write anything but angsty stuff:

[crimetimesteadicam]

ok @morporkian-cryptid tagged me to do this fic author interview so here we go...

if you would like to do this, i am officially tagging you, yes you, right now. tag me back so i can see your answers

1 How many works do you have on AO3?

i got 40

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,044,749

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

sorry like none of these are lupin iii. a blight on my lupin iii blog

Wabisabi (991 kudos) - Spirited Away. idk it's short and cute, read it

BONES OF BLACK MARROW (952 kudos) - Homestuck. the infamous cyoa cannibalism sex fic. scrolling through the things people say about it in the bookmarks is always so funny

Cum mortuis in lingua mortua (925 kudos) - Homestuck. no clue why it has so many kudos lol it was like the first long thing i've ever wrote (a whole decade ago??? jesus). it's a d&d/discworld joke

Vanitas vanitatum (914 kudos) - Homestuck. the same d&d/discworld joke except the LI is turbo depressed. notable for being the only fic i ever outlined and edited and that's why it whips

Supermassive Retinol Overdose! (677 kudos) - hey look, a lupin fic made it on here!

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do when i have something meaningful to say besides "thank you!" i don't have a lot of thoughts about my own work so therefore i tend to not respond if there's not a direct question :( my head is empty. i always respond to every single comment on the last chapter of longfics though because i'm always impressed people read that far lol. genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading all that

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

idk uhhhh i wrote a series once where two of the main couples break up at the end, but it wasn't really angsty

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

they all end pretty happily

7. Do you write crossovers?

if i did it was so long ago i don't remember it

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no but people used to send passive aggressive hate about my art in fics once in a while. hasn't happened in like 2+ years

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. every kind. EVERY KIND

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

a bot will sometimes scrape my high kudos homestuck fics and plant them on a junk ebook site

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah i think like 7 of them got translated into russian and do numbers on ficbook.net

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

in the past me and my friend would sit around a laptop and scream laugh write our way through crack fics

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

right now it's jiglup and fujilup

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i finish almost all my WIPs because i'm a freak. if i don't finish a WIP it's because some dramatic life event happened. this has only occurred two times

15. What are your writing strengths?

im a funny binch

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

i don't outline or edit or re-read any of my fanfic. i just type it and then eyeball it for typos and then post it. i COULD outline and such to really make the narrative nice and tight, but i don't find it very fun to do (for fanfic) and this is like, my relaxing wind down hobby. i just wanna have fun haha. the only reason my fics like, make sense, is because i write at least one ending scene first thing and always aim for that, and also i write out of order so i kinda know the route of the story

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

it's fine if it makes sense to do it there as a narrative device

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

h-hetalia crack fic.....

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

once i figure out how to draw zenigata it's over for you bitches. luzeni hours on da clock

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

for lupin iii fic, i like Lightkeepers the best

[farfromstrange]

Update

Okay, now that I've got your attention. Listen up.

Just kidding. (Not really.) I have some actual updates that you might want to read.

Good news for all of my fellow Michael Kinsella lovers: I finished rewriting and editing the next chapter of Chaos Theory! It has been a while since I watched the show, so I need a bit more time to reread it once more and check how it sounds. I don't want to disappoint. If all goes well, I can post it later tonight. Thank you for being so patient with me!

Also good news for all of my Foreigner's God readers: I have scrapped the first draft of chapter 55, which is a very good thing because that means I have finally identified why I hated it so much in the first place, and I'm currently in the process of writing it again. It's already flowing so much better, so I think I might be able to finish it by the end of tomorrow or, at the latest, Saturday!

Not so good news for my Total Eclipse Of The Heart readers: I have not come around to writing for that series, and I'm still trying to find a way to reign the plot back in before it can run away from me. I'm also trying everything to get some vampire inspiration, so that might take another week, but I promise, I'm rereading and I'm trying to give you what you've been waiting for. This series has turned out to be quite a beast, so I need to figure stuff out a bit more before I can put new chapters out for this one. But I promise, it won't be too long.

And to everyone else following me and my writing, I also have some news: There is an announcement for something I've been working on also coming later tonight! (Hint: It's a Matt Murdock fic). Plus, I have finally managed to agree on a vague idea for a Spencer Reid fic, but that will still take some time to plan. But I do have a plot and I do have a backstory, so that is also (kind of) good news for those of you who are curious about my jump back into Criminal Minds.

For those of you who have sent in requests back when they were still open: I'm trying to finish them. I'm so sorry for the long wait, but life tends to get in the way.

I have also gotten requests long after I closed them, and to those who have sent in requests anyway, I will still try to work through them, but you will have to wait until those who have requested while my inbox was still open have got their fics. It's only fair. I hope you understand.

Anyway, that was all (I think). I love you guys, and take care.

Thanks for reading this. You can scramble now. Bye!

[epickiya722]

I do not know if it was you, or another blogger that made a character analysis of Gojo that made me like the character and discover more about him through the manga.

While I never read the manga before or watched the anime, I had been exposed to it by my friends and some BNHA bloggers. Back then, I found Gojo to be overhyped (discount Kakashi) while liking the animation(?) style, bit still no interest.

BNHA and its Endeavour Redemption arc in the doing was tiring me to the point that I stopped reading it and manga altogether. For mayne six months or so, until now, at least. I randomly found your blog last week , and it got me a new hyper fixation 😃. You got me to start reading JJK (Megan cos playing also helps).

I bought Number 0 and Number 1 of the mangas. Only to remember midway in Number 0 that Walmart Kakashi will be snapped in two like a Kit Kat🥲. I saw that leak in one of the BNHA blogs, and I didn't mind it back then since I wasn't in the fandom, but Lord, now it sucks.

Anyways, all this long rant to say that I like reading your posts.

Gojo, rest in pain, I guess?

Probably was someone else, I don't write much analysis posts about Gojo. I think once or twice I did, I can't recall. Probably reblogged one though you saw!

I don't know, they're really just two different characters to me. Also... I was never really an active reader or watcher of Naruto like that (just very familiar) so when I first saw Gojo, Kakashi didn't register to me at all.

Like, I did not get similar vibes at all. And it actually annoys me that people will be like "He copied Kakashi's flow"! Kakashi ain't the only white haired, face covering character out there with magical eyes, y'all stop. 😆

Even funnier when, by this point, Gojo has probably been unmasked more than he has been wearing something on his face and switches up what he puts on his face. Kakashi been wearing the same mask for...? Also, didn't it take years for Kakashi's whole face to be shown or something? Took like seven episodes for Gojo to show that face.

**

I always been a fan of Megan's music and then when I found out she was into anime I was like "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAH". She cosplayed as Miruko one Halloween and it made my year. I am a former believer that Miruko would vibe to her music.

Just seeing other Black women being unapologetic fans of anime (or anything) does wonders for me and I hate it when people act as if it's such a foreign idea to understand. Honey, we can have interests, too, like everyone else. It's normal.

**

I always try to be careful about spoilers for anything I'm into. Like, I can talk about a chapter that happened two years ago, but I'll still mark as a spoiler because I know some people don't read Mangas or even if they do haven't caught up to that specific part.

That actually what set me off when Usher cosplayed as Gojo because he literally put "rest in peace, Gojo" or something along those lines and the amount of people who weren't even aware of 236... like bro, come on.

I knew it just had to be a marketing tactic because I know damn well Usher ain't seen JJK a day in his life and how convenient it is he comes out with that cosplay around the time when "Daddy's Home" becomes a fairly popular song used in Gojo's edits. I can't go watching one video on YouTube without hearing that song play when Gojo pops up. And even if he has... WHY WOULD YOU TAG IT LIKE THAT?!

Oh, but Megan definitely doesn't know any of the characters she be cosplaying, alright... okay... 🙄

I'm just going off on a whole tangent here, I apologize for that. I've been sick for like three days and just woke up from a nap. 😅

**

Also, thank you! Glad you enjoy my posts!! Anytime anyone says they like reading my posts, I still get shocked. They're really are just random thoughts I been having and really I'm still learning grasping the characters and story myself. And this is just for any. I don't even for them to get read, let alone for anyone to actually agree with me. I guess because, at the end of the day, I really just needed to throw a thought out there before I lose it or keep rethinking about it over and over.

[nerdieforpedro]

Heyy Nerdie <3

So since I'm relatively new with writing, I wonder how other writers manage their docs, like what tool is good for writing stories with multiple chapters. And I know everybody will have a different answer and solution for their writing process but I was just wondering if you had any tips for a newbie like me (I'm writing in my notes but that doesn't works so great, also no word count etc.)

Thank you in advance!

I appreciate you ❤️

Ooh! I'm excited1 A writing question! I feel honored that you're asking me. Full disclosure: I'm not the most organized person, even with my fanfic. I am trying to improve though.

I have found for all my fics, no matter if they're one shots or chapter series, I write them in Google Drive. The only reason I don't use Word or my notes app is because I find it easier to edit on my phone when I'm out and about having ideas randomly. (Always happens in places that aren't great to write in which is why I try and stay ready. Only works 50% of the time because of driving. 😭) I also tend to keep each fic even with all their chapters or parts in one very long document instead of a separate document for each chapter. That's just so I will be less confused. I get confused easily. 😳

Many writers use Google Drive so if you're brave enough to ask, you can usually send them what you have to review and they can either just look or comment on different parts depending on permissions you give them. To give your fic a good once over, you can pop it into Word for grammar and spelling corrections. Google docs does do that as well, but sometimes it misses things that Word catches. It's weird.

For on the go notes about vibes or random ideas, I feel your notes app should be good for that and also outlines if you want to plan out chapters or your one shot before writing it out. That way if you have it on your phone in your notes app, you can type in Word or Google while looking back at your bullet points to keep the story flow going.

Also if you like music, I highly recommend a writing playlist. It can be just your favorite songs, set to the mood of what you're writing, instrumental, anything that will help you focus and get your story out. it also could help inspire things (there's numerous fanfics written from songs - hundreds).

Maybe yourself a comfy space, enjoy a nice beverage (I like tea, hot chocolate or coffee if it's in the morning and a snack while writing) and remember it's supposed to be fun.

Sure frustrating sometimes especially when it seems like you have no ideas or the idea isn't coming out quite like you wanted. Take a break, might be hours, days or months, however long you feel you may need for it not to see like a chore. Writing, drawing and crating in general should be fun - in can require focus and work, but should still be enjoyable.

Try out some prompts, challenges or toss some ideas out to friends or people if you feel your creativity is lacking to you just want some different perspectives. We're all different, have histories that make us who we are so there can be as many ways to write a fic as starts in the sky. No one has thought of all of them, many reuse tropes (myself included) because they're fun and provide a template to work from and all sorts of themes can be explored. If you like to edit graphics and/or create moodboards, that can be a good way to distract yourself from writing while also focusing on a different aspect of your fic - visuals. It could help spark something too.

I truly hope I answered your question and didn't ramble too hard. Like this is... 8/10 rambling. 😆