#'karma' is referred to very loosely in this

[ministarfruit]

day 12: karma ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[yamayuandadu]

Mai, Satono and their peers: a look into the world of dōji

Okay, look, I get it, Mai and Satono are not the most thrilling characters. I suspect they would be at the very bottom of the list of stage 5 bosses people would like to see expanded upon. Perhaps they are not the optimal pick for another research deep dive. However, I would nonetheless like to try to convince you they should not be ignored altogether. If you are not convinced, this article has it all: esoteric Buddhism, accusations of heresy, liver eating, and even alleged innuendos. As a bonus, I will also discuss a few other famous Buddhist attendant deities more or less directly tied to Touhou. Among other things, you will learn which figure technically tied to the plot of UFO is missing from its cast and what a controversial claim about a certain deity being a teenage form of Amaterasu has to do with Akyuu. 

Mai, Satono and the grand Matarajin callout of 1698

An Edo period depiction of Matarajin and his attendants (via Bernard Faure's Protectors and Predators; reproduced here for educational purposes only)

As indicated both by their family names and their designs, Mai and Satono are based on Nishita Dōji (爾子多童子) and Chōreita Dōji (丁令多童子), respectively. These two deities are commonly depicted alongside Matarajin, acting as his attendants, or dōji. Nishita is depicted holding bamboo leaves and dancing, while Chōreita - playing a drum and holding ginger leaves. ZUN kept the plant attributes, though he clearly passed on the drum. In the HSiFS interview in SCoOW he said he initially wanted both of them to hold both types of leaves at once, so I presume that’s when the decision to skip the instrument has originally been made. We do not actually fully know how Nishita and Chōreita initially developed. It is possible that their emergence was a part of a broader process of overhauling Matarajin’s iconography. While initially imagined as a fearsome multi-armed and multi-headed wrathful deity, with time he took the form of an old man dressed like a noble and came to be associated with fate and performing arts. The conventional depictions, with the attendants dancing while Matarajin plays a drum under the Big Dipper, neatly convey both of these roles. The group was additionally responsible for revealing the three paths (defilements, karma, and suffering) and three poisons (greed, hatred, and desire) to devotees. 

In addition to being a mainstay of Matarajin’s iconography, Ninshita and Chōreita also had a role to play in a special ceremony focused on their master, genshi kimyōdan (玄旨帰命壇). This term is derived from the names of two separate Tendai initiation rituals, genshidan (玄旨壇) and kimyōdan (帰命壇).

Genshi kimyōdan can actually be considered the reason why Matarajin is relatively obscure today. In 1698, the rites were outlawed during a campaign meant to reform the Tendai school. It was lead by the monk Reiku (霊空), who compiled his opinions about various rituals in Hekijahen (闢邪篇, loosely “Repudiation of Heresies”). Matarajin is not directly mentioned there, and the polemic with genshi kimyōdan is instead focused on a set of thirteen kōan pertaining to it, with mistakes pointed out for each of them. Evidently this was pretty successful at curbing his prominence anyway, though.

By the 1720s, even members of Tendai clergy could be somewhat puzzled after stumbling upon references to Matarajin, and in a text from 1782 we can read that he was a “false icon created by the stupidest of stupid folks“. He ceased to be venerated on Mount Hiei, the center of the Tendai tradition, though he did not fade away entirely thanks to various more peripheral temples, for example in Hiraizumi in the north. Ironically, this decline is very likely why Matarajin survived the period of shinbutsu bunri policies largely unscathed when compared to some of his peers like Gozu Tennō. 

“Nine out of ten Shingon masters believe this”, or the background of the Matarajin callout

Dakiniten (Metropolitan Museum of Art)

Tendai reformers and critics associated genshi kimyōdan with an (in)famous Shingon current supposedly linked with Dakiniten, Tachikawa-ryū. This is a complex issue in itself, and would frankly warrant a lengthy essay itself if I wanted to do it justice; the most prominent researcher focused on it, Nobumi Iyanaga, said himself that “it is challenging to write about the Tachikawa-ryū in brief, because almost all of what has ever been written on this topic is based on a preconceived image and is in need of profound revision”. I will nonetheless try to give you a crash course. Recent reexaminations indicate that originally Tachikawa-ryū might have been simply a combination of Shingon with Onmyōdō and local practices typical for - at the time deeply peripheral - Musashi Province. Essentially, it was an ultimately unremarkable minor lineage extant in the 12th and 13th centuries. A likely contemporary treatise, Haja Kenshō Shū (破邪顕正集; “Collection for Refuting the Perverse and Manifesting the Correct”) indicates it was met with at best mixed reception among religious elites elsewhere, but that probably boils down to its peripheral character. Starting with Yūkai (宥快; 1345–1416) Shingon authors, and later others as well, came to employ Tachikawa-ryū as a boogeyman in doctrinal arguments, though. Anything “heretical” (or anything a given author had a personal beef with) could be Tachikawa-ryū, essentially. It was particularly often treated as interchangeable with a set of deeply enigmatic scrolls, referred to simply as “this teaching, that teaching” (kono hō, kano hō, 此の法, 彼の法; I am not making this up, I am quoting Iyanaga); I will refer to it as TTTT through the rest of the article. These two were mixed up because of the monk Shinjō (心定; 1215-1272) who expressed suspicion about TTTT because of its alleged popularity in the countryside, where “nine out of ten Shingon masters” believe it to be the most genuine form of esoteric Buddhism. However, he stresses TTTT was not only non-Buddhist, but in fact demonic. The description of this so-called “abominable skull honzon”, “skull ritual” or, to stick to the original wording, “a certain ritual” (彼ノ法, ka no hō) meant to prove the accusations is, to put it lightly, quite something. 

Essentially, the male practitioner of TTTT has to have sex with a woman, then smear a skull with bodily fluids generated this way over and over again, and finally keep it in warmth for seven years so that it can acquire prophetic powers. This works because dakinis (a class of demons) live inside the skull. The entire process takes eight years because Dakiniten, the #1 dakini, attained enlightenment at the age of 8. Shinjō himself did not assert TTTT was identical with Tachikawa-ryū, though - he merely claimed that at one point he found a bag of texts which contained sources pertaining to both of them.  Ultimately it’s not even certain if TTTT is real. It might be an entirely literary creation, or an embellishment of some genuine tradition circulating around some marginal group like traveling ascetics. We will likely never know for sure.

Regardless of that, Tachikawa-ryū became synonymous not just with incorrect teachings, but specifically with teachings with inappropriate sexual elements. By extension, it was alleged that the songs and dances associated with Matarajin and his two servants performed during genshi kimyōdan similarly had inappropriate sexual undertones.

ZUN seems to be aware of these implications, since the topic came up in the aforementioned interview. The interviewer states they read that “during the middle ages a lot of Tendai and Shingon sects end up becoming obsessed with sexual rituals and wicked teachings, leading to their downfall” (bit of an overstatement). In response, ZUN explains that these matters are “interesting” and adds that he “did prepare some materials with that, but that would make [the game] too vulgar.” No dialogue or spell card in the game actually references genshi kimyōdan, for what it’s worth, but seeing as this is the only real point of connection between Matarajin and such accusations it’s safe to say ZUN is to some degree familiar with the discussed matter.

As in the case of the Tachikawa-ryū, modern researchers are often skeptical if there really was a sexual, orgiastic component to the rituals, though. A major problem with proper evaluation is that very few actual primary sources survive. We know the words of the songs associated with Matarajin’s dōji, but they are not very helpful. They’re borderline gibberish, “shishirishi ni shishiri” alternating with “sosoroso ni sosoro”. Polemics present them either as an allusion to sex or as an invitation to it; as cryptic references to genitals; or as sounds of pleasure.

None of these claims find any support in the few surviving primary sources, though. Earlier texts indicate that the dance and song of the dōji was understood as a representation of endless transmigration during the cycle of samsara. When sex does come up in related sources, it is presented negatively, in association with ignorance. Bernard Faure argues that the rituals were initially apotropaic, much like the tengu odoshi (天狗怖し), which I plan to cover next month since it helps a lot with understanding what’s going on in HSiFS. The goal was seemingly to guarantee Matarajin will help the faithful be reborn in the pure land of Amida. However, the method he was believed to utilize to that end can be at best described as unconventional.

To unburden the soul from bad karma, Matarajin had to devour the liver of a dying person. This is essentially a positive twist on a habit attributed in Buddhism to certain classes of demons, especially dakinis, said to hunger for so-called “human yellow” (人黄, ninnō), to be understood as something like vital essence, or for specific body parts. In this highly esoteric context, Matarajin was at once himself a sort of dakini, and a tamer of them (usually the role of Mahakala), and thus capable of utilizing their normally dreadful behavior to positive ends.

The true understanding of these actions was knowledge apparently reserved for a small audience, though. Keiran shūyōshū (溪嵐拾葉集), a medieval compendium of orally transmitted Tendai knowledge, asserts that even monks actively involved in the worship of Matarajin were unfamiliar with it.

Beyond Mai and Satono: dōji as a class of deities

You might be wondering why an article which was supposed to be an explanation of Mai and Satono ended up spending so much time on ambivalent aspects of Matarajin’s character instead. The ambivalence present in the aforementioned liver-related belief was a fundamental component of the character of many deities once popular in esoteric Buddhism, and by extension of their attendants too. Therefore, it is actually key to understanding dōji. As I already mentioned in my Shuten Dōji article a few weeks ago, when treated as a type of supernatural beings, the term dōji implies a degree of ambiguity. The youthfulness of these “lads” means that in most cases they were portrayed as unpredictable, impulsive, eager to subvert social order and hierarchies of power, and prone to hubris. Some of them are outright demonic figures, as already discussed last month. Simply put, they possess the stereotypical traits of a young person from the perspective of someone old. They initially seemingly developed as a Buddhist reflection of Taoist tongzi, in this context a symbol of immortality and youthfulness, though a case can be made that youthful Hindu deities like Skanda (Idaten) also had an influence on this process. Many Buddhist deities can be accompanied by pairs or groups of dōji, for example Jizō, Kannon, Fudō, Dakiniten or Sendan Kendatsuba-ō. In some cases, other deities could manifest in the form of dōji. In Chiba there is a statue of Myōken reflecting such a tradition, for example. There are also “independent” dōji. Closely related terms include ōji (王子), “prince”, used to refer for example to the sons of Gozu Tennō and the attendants of Iizuna Gongen, and  wakamiya (若宮), “young prince”, which typially designates the youthful manifestation of a local deity.In the second half of the article, I’ll describe some notable dōji who can be considered relevant to Touhou in some capacity.

Gohō dōji: the generic dōji and the legend of Myōren

A gohō dōji in the Shigisan Engi Emaki (wikimedia commons)

The term gohō dōji (護法童子) can be translated as something like “dharma-protecting lad”. It’s not the name of a specific dōji, but rather a subcategory of them. Historically they were understood as something like the Buddhist analog of shikigami. The term gohō itself has a broader meaning, and can refer to virtually any protective Buddhist deity, even wisdom kings or the four heavenly kings. The archetypal example of such a figure is Kongōshu (Vajrapāṇi), who according to Buddhist tradition acts as a protector of the historical Buddha. A good example of a Gohō Dōji is Oto Gohō (乙護法) from Mount Sefuri. He reportedly appeared before the priest Shōkū (性空; 910–1007) before his journey to China, and protected him through its entire duration. Afterwards a temple was built for him. Curiously, this legend actually finds a close parallel in these pertaining to Matarajin, Sekizan Myōjin or Shinra Myōjin protecting monks traveling to China - except the deity involved is a youth rather than an old man. From a Touhou point of view, the most important example of a gohō dōji is arguably this nameless one, though. He appears in the Shigisan Engi Emaki, an account of the miraculous deeds of the monk Myōren, who you doubtlessly know from UFO. The section focused on him is fairly straightforward: a messenger from the imperial court approaches Myōren because the emperor is sick. Using his supernatural powers, he summons a deity clad in a cape made out of swords to heal him without having to leave his dwelling on Mount Shigi himself. He obviously succeeds. Afterwards the court sends a messenger to offer Myōren various rewards, but he rejects them. While the emperor is not directly shown or named, he is presumably to be identified as Daigo. While the supernatural helper is left unnamed and is often simply described as a gohō dōji in scholarship, it has been pointed out that his unusual iconography seems to be a variant of that associated with the fifth of the twenty eight messengers of Bishamonten. A depiction of a similar figure is known for example from the Ninna-ji temple in Kyoto. This makes perfect sense, seeing as the connection between Myōren and this deity is well documented, and recurs through the legends presented in the Shigisan Engi Emaki. Needless to say, it is also the reason why Bishamonten by proxy plays a role in the plot of UFO. Given these fairly direct references, I am actually surprised no UFO character borrows any visual cues from the gohō dōji, seeing as the illustration is quite famous. It was even featured on a stamp at one point.

Zennishi Dōji (Princeton University Art Museum; reproduced here for educational purposes only)

Yoshiaki Shimizu has suggested that the connection between Myōren and his Gohō Dōji is meant to mirror that between Bishamonten and his son and primary attendant, Zennishi Dōji (善膩師童子), and highlight that the monk was an incarnation of the deity he worshiped. He also argued that Myōren’s nameless sister (not attested outside Shigisan Engi Emaki) - the character ZUN based Byakuren on - is meant to correspond to Bishamonten’s wife, Kisshōten/Kichijōten (presumably with spousal bond turned into a sibling one). I am not sure if this proposal found broader support, though - I’m personally skeptical.

Kongara Dōji (and Seitaka Dōji): almost Touhou

Fudō Myōō, as depicted by Kyōsai (via ukiyo-e.org; reproduced here for educational purposes only)

Kongara Dōji (衿羯羅童子, from Sanskrit Kiṃkara) and Seitaka Dōji (制多迦童子, from Sanskrit Ceṭaka) are arguably uniquely important as far as the divine dōji go - a case can be made that they were the model for the other similar pairs. They are regarded as attendants of Fudō Myōō (Acala), one of the “wisdom kings”, a class of wrathful deities originally regarded as personifications and protectors of a specific mantra or dhāraṇī. In Japanese esoteric Buddhism, they are understood as manifestations of Buddhas responsible for subjugating beings who do not embrace Buddhist teachings. Acting as Fudō‘s servants is the primary role of Kongara and Seitaka. As a matter of fact, both of their names are derived from Sanskrit terms referring to servitude. This is not reflected in their behavior fully: esoteric Buddhist sources indicate that Kongara is guaranteed to help a devotee who would implore him for help, but Seitaka is likely to disobey such a person. Interestingly, both can be recognized as manifestations of Fudō. This seems to reflect a broader pattern: once a deity ascended to a prominent position in esoteric Buddhism, some of their functions could be reassigned to members of their entourage. ZUN arguably references this in Mai and Satono’s bio, according to which “their abilities (...) are nothing more than an extension of Okina's.” Despite the aforementioned shared aspect of their nature, Kongara and Seitaka actually have completely different iconographies. Kongara is portrayed with pale skin, wearing a monastic robe (kesa) and with his hands typically joined in a gesture of respect. Seitaka, meanwhile, has red skin, and holds a vajra in his left hand and a staff in the right. His characteristic five tufts of hair are a hairdo historically associated with people who were sentenced to banishment or enslavement. He’s never portrayed wearing a kesa in order to stress that in contrast with his “coworker” he possesses an evil nature. It has been argued the fundamental ambivalence of dōji is behind this difference in temperaments.

While the pair consisting of Kongara and Seitaka represents the most common version of Fudō’s entourage, he could also be portrayed alongside eight (a Chinese tradition) or uncommonly thirty six attendants. The core two are always present no matter how many extra dōji are present, though. Appearing together is essentially their core trait, and probably is part of the reason why they could be identified with other duos of supernatural servants, like En no Gyōja’s attendants Zenki and Gōki (who as you may know are referenced in Touhou in one of Ran’s PCB spell cards, and in a variety of print works).

As for the Touhou relevance of Kongara and Seitaka, a character very obviously named after the former appeared all the way back in Highly Responsive to Prayers, but I will admit I am personally skeptical if this can be considered an actual case of adaptation of a religious figure. There are no iconographic similarities between them, and their roles to put it lightly also don't seem particularly similar. Much like the PC-98 use of the term makai (which I will cover next month), it just seems like a random choice. At least back in the day there was a fanon trend of treating the HRtP Konngara as an oni and a fourth deva of the mountain, but I will admit I never quite got that one. In contrast with Yuugi and Kasen’s counterparts, Kongara's namesake actually doesn’t have anything to do with Shuten Dōji. The less said about a nonsensical comment on the wiki asserting Kongara’s status as a yaksha (something I have not seen referenced outside of Touhou headcanons, mostly from the reddit/tvtropes side of the fandom) explains why his supposed Touhou counterpart is present in hell, the better.

Uhō Dōji: my life as a teenage Amaterasu protector of gumonji practitioners

Uhō Dōji (Metropolitan Museum of Art)

Uhō Dōji (雨宝童子), “rain treasure child”, will be the last dōji to be discussed here due to being by far the single most unusual member of this category. Following most authors, I described Uhō Dōji as a male figure through the article, but as noted by Anna Andreeva, most depictions are fairly androgynous. Bernard Faure points out sources which seem to refer to Uhō Dōji as female exist too; this is why I went with a gender neutral translation of dōji. In any case, the iconography is fairly consistent, as documented already in the Heian period: youthful face, long hair, wish-fulfilling jewel in one hand, decorated staff in the other, plus somewhat unconventional headwear, namely a five-wheeled stupa (gorintō). Originally Uhō Dōji was simply a guardian deity of Mount Asama. He is closely associated with Kongōshō-ji, dedicated to the bodhisattva Kokūzō. The latter is locally depicted with Uhō Dōji and Myōjō Tenshi (明星天子), a personification of Venus, as his attendants.Originally the temple was associated with the Shingon school of Buddhism, though today it instead belongs to the Rinzai lineage of Zen. A legend from the Muromachi period states that Kongōshō-ji was originally established in the sixth century, during the reign of emperor Kinmei  by a monk named Kyōtai Shōnin (暁台上人).The latter initially created a place for himself to perform a ritual popularly known as gumonji (properly Gumonji-hō, 求聞持法, “inquiring and retaining [in one’s mind]”).The name Kongōshōji was only given to it later when Kūkai, the founder of the Shingon school of Buddhism (from whose traditions gumonji originates), received two visions - one from a dōji and then another from Amaterasu - that a place suitable to perform gumonji exists on Mount Asama. After arriving there, he stumbled upon the ruins of Kyōtai Shōnin’s temple, so he had it rebuilt and renamed it. Subsequently, Amaterasu appointed Uhō Dōji to the position of the protector of both this location and Buddhist devotees partaking in gumonji in general. Most of you probably know that gumonji pops up in Touhou as the name of Akyuu’s ability in Perfect Memento in Strict Sense. ZUN describes it simply as perfect memory, but in reality it’s an esoteric religious practice focused on chanting the mantra of Kokūzō 1000000 times over the course of a set period of time (either 100 or 50 days). The goal is to develop perfect memory in order to be able to memorize all Shingon texts, though it is also believed to increase merit and grant prosperity in general. The oldest references to it come from the eighth century, and based on press coverage it is still performed today. ZUN actually never mentioned gumonji in a context which would stress the term’s Buddhist character. In Forbidden Scrollery Akyuu prays to Iwanagahime rather than to any Buddhist figures. I get the idea behind that, but I will admit I liked the portrayal of her religious activities in Ashiyama’s Gensokyo of Humans much more.

Gumonji aside, the second major point of interest is the connection between Uhō Dōji and Amaterasu. In the legend I’ve summarized above, they are obviously two separate figures, with one taking a subordinate position. This changed later on, though. At some point, most likely between 1419 and 1428, the two deities came to be conflated. As Bernard Faure put it, Uhō Dōji effectively came to be seen as the “Buddhist version of Amaterasu”. To be specific, as Amaterasu at the age of sixteen, presumably to account for the fact that a dōji would by default be a youthful figure. The treatise Uhō Dōji Keibyaku goes further and asserts that that Uhō Dōji manifests in India as the historical Buddha, Amida and Dainichi; in China as Fuxi, Shennong and Huang Di; and in Japan as Amaterasu, Tsukuyomi and Ninigi. In his astral role, he represents the planet Venus, but he can also manifest as Dakiniten and Benzaiten, in this context understood as respectively lunar and solar. He is also the creator of all of these astral bodies. The grandiose claims about Uhō Dōji, Amaterasu and other major figures were not exactly uncontroversial. It seems that especially in the eighteenth century the Ise clergy objected to them, presumably because they effectively amounted to their peers at Kongōshō-ji promoting their own deity to make the temple more important as a part of the Ise pilgrimage, which at the time enjoyed considerable popularity. The association between Amaterasu and Uhō Dōji nonetheless persisted through the Edo period, and despite protests voiced at Ise among laypeople Mount Asama was widely recognized as the third most important destination for participants in the Ise pilgrimage, next to the outer and inner shrines at Ise themselves. It is also quite likely that there was no shortage of people who would imagine Amaterasu looking just like Uhō Dōji. Ultimately the Uhō Dōji controversy was just one of the many chapters in Amaterasu’s long and complex history, and there was nothing particularly unusual about the claims made. There were quite literally dozens of Buddhist or at least Buddhist-adjacent figures she developed connections to (Bonten, Enma and Mara, to name but a few), and the Ise clergy took active part in this process. Buddhist reinterpretations of Amaterasu flourished especially through the Japanese middle ages. It was only the era of Meiji reforms that brought the end to this, cementing the Kojiki and Nihon Shoki inspired vision of Amaterasu as the only appropriate one. However, this is beyond the scope of this article. Worry not, though: the very next one I’m working on will cover these matters in detail. Please look forward to it. Bibliography

Anna Andreeva, “To Overcome the Tyranny of Time”: Stars, Buddhas, and the Arts of Perfect Memory at Mt. Asama

Talia J. Andrei, The Elderly Nun, the Rain-Treasure Child, and the Wish-Fulfilling Jewel: Visualizing Buddhist Networks at the Grand Shrine of Ise

William M. Bodiford, Matara: A Dream King Between Insight and Imagination

Bernard Faure, The Fluid Pantheon (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 1)

Idem, Protectors and Predators (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 2)

Idem, Rage and Ravage (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 3)

Nobumi Iyanaga, Tachikawa-ryū in: Esoteric Buddhism and the Tantras in East Asia

Gaétan Rappo, Heresy and Liminality in Shingon Buddhism: Deciphering a 15th Century Treatise on Right and Wrong

Idem, “Deviant Teachings”. The Tachikawa Lineage as a Moving Concept in Japanese Buddhism

Yoshiaki Shimizu, The "Shigisan-engi" Scrolls, c. 1175

[first-of-her-nxme]

Thank you for posting the "rapist gendry" meta. All hell broke loose after that, and I was able to block the few delusional gendryas I haven't yet. It's like they can't accept karma exists. They've been calling jaqen a creepy nasty pedo for forever, but when someone dares to touch their bull...

Thank you for asking the question! It was a very interesting one and it touched an important subject of Arya's storyline. That part of the books really helps to understand Arya's future but also her aunt's past.

I always felt there was something off with My Featherbed song in relation to Gendry and Arya. First of all, there is nothing romantic about a big, strong boy tossing a small, skinny girl five year his junior on the ground. And also, Gendry is nowhere near the throne so why would the song about him tell a story of the prince/king offering the crown to his bride? I felt there was something more there. I re-read the chapter with more attention and then it finally hit me: it's about Rhaegar and Lyanna.

I want to write a separate post about it with book quotes to explain it better and to point out how it refers to Jaqen and Arya as well. I've become a bit lazy when it comes to analyzing ASOIAF. I guess I'm learning from GRRM.

Anyway, thank you for the question and if you have more, don't hesitate to ask. I don't promise to answer right away though.

Cheers!

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

@tihaari, as promised, here it is

The songs with a * means I think about several characters individually (2, most of the time) for these songs

The songs with a ¤ means there is an english translation in the comments (the other non-english songs have subtitles)

Almost every songs have lyrics (in the video, in the description, or in the top comments)

As you will notice, my music taste is quite wide. Hope you’ll find some song you’ll like

(just thought about it but i think like only 1 or 2 are ‘happy’/not angsty songs)

Shinichiro :

- 4:00AM by Taeko Ohnuki*

- Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

- Euthanasia by Will Wood

- Coma Baby by Nicole Doppelganger

- 最愛なるあなたは花葬 by 虻瀬犬 (Flowers, Mountains and Funerals by Abuseken)¤ (’Today, I’m just getting older. Today, you’re just getting older too.’, everything’s fine. ‘I’m getting older. Now, I’m getting older.’ no sign of the pronoun ‘you’, Mikey’s dead. ‘Today, I cannot grow old, yet since you can grow old today,’, Shinichiro’s dead, not Mikey)

- Birthday Kid by Mili

- I hold you by CLANN (this one’s over 9mins long. Just so you know if you wanna skip it lol)

- You are my sunshine - The Phamtoms version

- Don’t worry by Mr.Kitty (The lyrics fit as a whole but. 2:33)

- John and Nancy by Jack Stauber

- Telephones by VACATIONS

- Pale Machine by bo en (most of the song lyrics are in english but someone put the lyrics in the comments with the translation of the japanese bits)

- Secret by The Pierces (to sanzu ofc ofc. Also asked mikey if he wanted to start ridding bike… probably cuz mikey always wanted to but also shin never accepted but then. Then.) (first verse, OG timeline, second verse.. not-OG timeline)

- Mother Mary by Mr.Kitty

- Neverending Nights by Mr.Kitty

- Karma by AJR (OG timeline, before he knew about time leaping)(he does say in a chapter to wakasa that he spent a lot of money on suspicious religious groups and he did a lot of therapies)

- Youth by Glass Animal

- Lemonade by Mili*

         + Mockingbird by Eminem

Mikey :

- Sometimes by Nick Lutsko*

- Achilles come down by GANGOFYOUTHSBAND

- sister by Eve*

- Tout Petit Moineau (Very small sparrow) by Igorr (youll hear the pure despair in the screams | mikey loosing all of his loved ones one by one. Also parallels between a bird taking flight for the first time | bonten mikey jumping off the building. Probably the song/music i’m the less confident in)

- Poison Tree by Grouper

- Hurting for a Very Painful Pain (prehaps with kisaki singing the more feminine parts)

- Aesthetic ? More like Ass-Pathetic by Panucci’s Pizza

- I rather sleep by Kero Kero Bonito

- You are an Awful person by R.I.P*

- Sing to me by MISSIO

- Why didn’t stop me ? By Mitski

- Riptide by grandson

- Still Life by sitcom

- Between two worlds by Mili

-Cigarette Ahego by Penelope Scott (‘oh I don’t smoke, I just like how it smells’ → memories of Shinichiro - ‘In my defense I wasn’t suppose to be around this long’ → reference to the OG timeline ofc ofc)

- A sadness runs through him by The Hoosiers (Takemichi’s pov)

- HELP by PINK GUY

- Destroy me by Mr.Kitty

- Romantic Homicide by d4vd

- Suicide by Midnight To Monaco (the title is misleading. Its a hopeful song, okay ? Dont- don’t worry about it)

- 1985 by Bo Burnham (just for the 1:44-2:29 part)

- 不浄の世/The Impure World by Shitoo

- ハッピーエンド/Happy end by Shitoo (first part is final timeline mikey, second im not so sure. Perhaps og timeline shinichiro?)

- 棺の舟/Coffin arc by Shitoo (Manila timeline. Although I guess all of them work)

- Monster by Fight the Fade

- Bad Things by Cults

- Heart Nonsense

- Same Man I Was Before by Oingo Boingo

- Jesus don’t like im gay but satans cool with it by lil boodang (once again, you can ignore the title when listening to it) (‘summer’s always awful’ → Shinichiro’s death ‘winter is the one that breaks me down’ → his mom’s, emma’s and izana’s death)

-  物をぱらぱら壊す/breaking things to pieces by Kikuo

- 光よ/oh light (Hatsune Miku version) by Kikuo and here’s Hanatan’s version

- What i deserve by the remedy

- 降伏論 (Koufukuron) sung by Miyashita Yuu

- 悪い人 (a bad person) by syudou sung by すとぷり (sutopuri) (valhalla arc. To Kazutora. the ‘i’ve known it all along that you’re a horrible person’ may go to kisaki tho)

- 13th floor by Jade Lyel

- The mind electric by Miracle Musical

- 内臓ありますか by ピノキオピー (What’s inside ?by PinnochioP)

- Bulbel by Mili

- Oyasumi by bo en

- A New Hour by Mr.Kitty

- Bleed Black by Mr.Kitty (Bonten timeline)

- You’re somebody else by flora cash (can’t decide whose POV it fits best but it definitely describes Mikey)

- 大大大キライ/DAI DAI DAI KIRAI by DennokoP (Mikey’s words when there’s color, when it’s grey it’s Kazutora, from 2:43 to the end it’s Shinichiro)

- Mr.Fear by SIAMES

- CLOSET by Yoh Kamiyama*

(So. I love Kagerou Days. That’s like one of the first song i’ve got to heard when I went on youtube for the first time years ago. And it doesn’t work with TR timeline/story. But it could so much be an AU--) (Mikey plays the role of the boy and Takemichi the girl. Or Takemichi and Hina (with whatever role for each of them). Actually, picks two characters you wish to be stuck in a time loop, it’ll probably work ; You can imagine PekeJ as the cat idk if it adds anything)

Takemichi :

- 4:00AM by Taeko Ohnuki*

- the 1st opening of Owari No Seraph (to mikey) (different stories. Different context. Still works tho)

- I’d find you by phendste (about Hina)

Sanzu :

- Happy Pills by Weathers

- Blow my brains out by Tikkle me

- Do it for him/her (Sanzu singing it to takemichi) (also ive never watched stevens universe and this cover is the only version i can listen to the song so excuse me for ‘stronger than you’ following it)

- Room 401 by Shitoo (Sanzu thinking about the OG timeline)

- とんねる大冒険 (Great tunel adventure) by Kikuo (‘the you who is never anywhere’ is OG mikey ‘the you who should have vanished’ not-og mikey)

- p.h. sung by Miyashita Yuu

- Hyperdontia by GHOST (not all the lyrics work for this one. For example i have no idea what to do with ‘i’m pulling teeth for what seems like an eternity’ – but ‘i don’t want the infection spending’ first for his own scars then looking at mikey’s dark impulses, ‘pull ‘em out and wash ‘em off the memories – tear ‘em out and make up for forgotten years’ for the og timeline ofc, and ‘your hands in my mouth, 1,2,1,2, they never came out’ – how he got his scars. Plus ‘ahahaha’ for how mikey ordered him to laughed. 3:19 to 3:32 is (kanto manji) mikey speaking to sanzu – after learning shin was a time leaper from wakasa or something)

Takeomi :

- You are an awful person by R.I.P* (the first ‘him’ are for Shinichiro, ‘and soon he’ll realize he doesn’t need you – sooner or later he is gonna leave you’ is for sanzu tho)

- Everybody likes you by Lemon Demon (this man is the definition of wanting to feel important because he knows he isnt i swear-)

Chifuyu :

- Just take my wallet by Jack Stauber

- I can’t decide by Scissor Sisters (bad Toman timeline)

- Propaganda by Crusher (Bad Toman timeline)

- Mon amie la rose by Françoise Hardy (Bad Toman (or Manila) timeline. ‘my friend, the rose’ is Mitsuya cuz he’s the only one I can imagine - with what we’ve seen of the other Toman members of this timeline – not going full on evil)(‘you admired me yesterday – and i’ll turn into dust forever tomorrow’ for baji tho..) (btw ‘on est bien peu de chose’ while meaning, yes, in fact, ‘we don’t mean much’ also carries the meaning of ‘the person who’s in charge of us doesn’t care much about us’)

- なきそ – げのげ (Genoge by Nakiso) (genoge might mean ‘the lowest (of its kind) ; the poorest’ i don’t know japanese tho so..) (still bad toman timeline too)

Draken :

- Dark Red by Steve Lacy

- I’ll Never Smile Again by Frank Sinatra

Mitsuya :

- ビターチョコデコレーション (bitter choco decoration) by syudou sung by Miyashita Yuu (Manila timeline. Could work with Bad Toman too ig but i like the idea of Ran being the one saying ‘I remember now ! You’re that serious-looking person from back then… On second thought, nevermind’ about the festival in Roppongi where Mitsuya saw the brothers for the first time (and Ran saw him too))

Taiju :

- Saint Bernard by Lincoln Vlogs

- キリスト by 虻瀬犬 (Christ by Abuseken) (cw : repeated mentions of rape and child born out of rape) (ALRIGHT ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE. While i don’t specially believe the shiba siblings were born out of rape (even tho it is implied their father was (physically) abusive toward their mother) the rest of the song fits. Taiju became catholic since he didn’t have anyone to ask what he had to do – so this song of someone asking again and again things without them being ever answered fit. There’s also the ‘I’ll kill you’ at 2:52 which can so easily be said by either Taiju, Hakkai or even Yuzuha) (if you don’t see where i’m coming from interpreting taiju this way – i made a post ive pinned about it)

Izana :

- sister by eve*

- Treehouse by Alex G (with Kakucho ofc)

-🔪、🔪、🔪 ///ナイフ、ナイフ、ナイフ/// (Knife, Knife, Knife) by Kikuo

- CLOSET by Yoh Kamiyama*

Inui :

- sister by Eve*

- Washing Machine heart by Mitski (to Koko)

Koko :

- Feel dead inside by Younger Hunger

- Money by The Drums

- 요단강 (Jordan river) by Natsyona (Vivinos’s video) (well basically change the video to him making money rather than sewing a doll)

Baji’s mom :

- Lemonade by Mili*

Senju :

- Brutus by the Buttress (i like to think she was bitter about being left behind by Mikey, Baji and Sanzu. And since she kicks asses she deserves a song that does too)

Kazutora :

- YELLOW by Yoh Kamiyama

- Two birds by Regina Spektor (with Baji ofc ofc)

- No children by The Mountains Goats (still w/ Baji)

- Sigh sung by Kagamine Rin (STILL with Baji)

Kisaki :

- Dumb dumb by Mazie

Hanma :

- No one lives forever by Oingo Boingo (the lyrics fit but ngl, it’s mostly for the VibesTM)

Hinata :

- 一ツ眼リッパー殺人事件/One-Eyed Ripper Murder Case by Shitoo (this one also fit in an AU rather than the canon story (where basically Kisaki stays in contact with Hinata – everything else is the same. Naoto knows Hinata is going to die in the future). Also watch until the end, don’t be mad at the ‘little brother’ ;) )

It fits too many characters individualy OR I think of several characters at once (like Sunflower by Michele Leigh):

- Scars by Mr.Kitty (I always end up thinking about the original quartet (Mikey, Sanzu, Baji, Senju) for this one. But it works for Toman)

- Look What You Make Me Do by Taylor Swift

- Sometimes by Nick Lutsko*

- Teen Pregnancy by BLANK BANSHEE (ignoring the title -)

- Summer Nights by SIAMES

- いかないで (Ikanaide) (almost every character lost someone they hold dear)(although thinking about Mikey/Draken loosing Emma-)

- Sunflower by Michele Leigh (ex-toman members to kanto Manji/bonten Mikey... im not crying)

- Nowhere to run by Stegosaurus Rex

- Trauma by Mr.Kitty

- Fight your friends by Mr.Kitty (Three deities/Kanto manji arcs lets gooo)

- Oh Klahoma by Jack Stauber

- AaAaAaAAaAaAAa by NashimotoP

- Welcome to Paradise by grandson

- Pain Shopping by grandson

- Forgive yourself by xojira (lyrics in comments)

- 愛を探して (searching for your love) by Kikuo (ngl, it fits mikey a lot)

- あなぐらぐらし(Anagura Gurashi) by Kikuo

- 猫の食卓 (the cat’s dining table) by Kikuo

- わたあめ (cotton candy) by Kikuo

- 君が死んでも許してあげるよ (I’ll forgive you even if you die) by Kikuo

- 哀悼、そして日常は続く(Condolences, and then the everydays continue) sung by Miyashita Yuu¤

- How it ended by the drums (ex-toman members wondering about Mikey – Bonten timeline or Kanto Manji)

- Evelyn Evelyn by Evelyn Evelyn (choose your fighter among the different siblings) (honestly i mostly do with the akashi –)

- Francis Forever by Mitski

- We’ll meet again by Vera Lynn

- I’m sorry by Brenda Lee

Other audios/songs which are too shorts :

- What am I without you ? - Baji & Kazutora/Shinichiro & Takeomi (if you read toilet-bound hanako-kun and you havent finished/if you dont wanna be spoiled even if you dont know the story at all - avoid looking at the video/skip this one. couldnt find this audio by itself but for this one)

- Have we gone wrong ? from Don’t Hug Me I’m scared - Bad Toman/Manila timeline (one of toman member telling mikey he’s ‘gone wrong’, the others getting between them and brushing it off. Sanzu asking if they went wrong, Mikey answering)

- Peppermint by Jack Stauber – Takeomi & Sanzu cuz Sanzu’s hated food is anything spicy

- Hope by Jack Stauber – Shinichiro

- Rain by Jack Stauber – Shinichiro/Takemichi

- $ 4.99 by Jack Stauber – Kokonoi

- Library by Jack Stauber – Every character who has lost their mother/sister

- Big Brother i’m just like you – you know who :’)

- Is it cold outside – Izana & Kakucho

- Daisy Bell - Draken & Emma

- BMO always bounces back – Baji (‘but i’m supposed to save the rift. That’s my job’ → baji thinking he could save the founding members’ relationship by himself) (couldnt find a video with only this audio and no song - only with animatics)

- This but with Sanzu

- It’s not Michael – Takemichi when meeting one of the future Mikey

- One’s a genius, the other’s insane – Kisaki & Hanma. That made me laughed so hard the first time I thought about it

- Where did the year go – Takemichi with Manila/Bonten Mikey

[deathdxnces]

He’s probably getting too comfortable, on that him and the Darkin can agree. Still, the knowledge that Kayn’s far too relaxed with his current position with the dancer does little to deter his actions— his head placed in her lap, curious gaze focused on the soft curve of her lips, a picture-perfect display of casual indifference.

“How do you move them…?” he asks, curiosity getting the better of him as his mind wanders. “The blades, I mean. And where is it why come from?”

— @deathfxnds

The very first time he had laid his head upon her lap, exhausted and vulnerable, seemed now a distant thing. It took no extreme situation for Kayn to make himself comfortable this time, undisturbed by tension for once; Irelia inevitably appreciates it each time, rarity that it seems to be for the assassin to have any moment of peace, content to provide him that.

Absentmindedly her fingers brush the loose part of his long locks, gentle as the dancer always is toward him. The initial question draws her attention to the assassin, confusion as to what exactly he means lasting but a second before the explanation it is the blades he refers to. Not a simple question to answer, both for the lack of clear reason and for the tale that accompanied her weapons. A pattern made all too evident by each curious question seeking to know more of her: most of her tales are tragedies, in one way or another, and this is the one that started it all.

"I'm not entirely sure," A sincere confession, in reply to his first inquiry. "As to the how, I mean. It wasn't a power I always had — it only manifested when I needed it most." The shallow graves in what had once been a garden, the armored men occupying her home as if it belonged to them; a death sentence turned against those who would kill her. The memories come easy, even now. Her gaze strays from his, wanders somewhere else she pays no real attention to, and Irelia tries not to seem as grim as she feels. "There is some sort of connection to the Spirit of Ionia — I can't hear it as Karma does, but I can feel it. Somehow, that's where my power comes from. But there was never anyone who could explain what I do and how."

"My grandmother used to say our family's dances were connected to the Spirit — I didn't believe her before, but I wonder if it's somehow related. She was dead before I could ask, though," While a hand continues its task, softly playing with his hair, the other moves away, a fluid gesture enough to make the blades float. Irelia has done it enough times before it takes no effort at all to reform her family crest as it had been once. Whole, if not for the visible marks of where it had been broken. "And that is where they come from."

"It's my family's crest. Used to be on a wall in our house. I wasn't there when the noxians arrived — I had been learning from Zinneia in the Placidium, and it was the rumors of the invasion that brought me back. But they were already dead when I arrived." Killed not long before, she imagines, the earth freshly turned, the house still being pillaged by the soldiers. Another smooth gesture and the crest is undone, blades carefully returned to their former resting place. "It was recent. The soldiers were still throwing away anything they had no use for, before occupying the house."

"One of them was carrying the crest. I took it from his hands," The story spills easily, easier than it should. Easier than ever before. Had she even told anyone else the entire tale? The pause, longer than it ought to be, is accompanied by intense dread, air difficult to breathe. Restlessness almost makes her want to get up, move away, speak not one word more. How much can she give away so easily, unafraid of the damage she gives him the power to do?

Why does she choose to push against it and continue, conscious that it is once again placing the knife in his hands, pointing at her heart, and hope he will not use it?

"I don't know why that was the thing I reached for," Her voice is quieter when she speaks again, trying to breathe, trying to press on. Irelia trusts him; they wouldn't be there if she didn't. Now that she had started to tell, she would finish the story. "But I managed to take it, I think because he didn't expect an eleven-year-old to even try," It is one of the details she remembers best, the surprise on the man's face, dumbfounded by what she did. "His superior didn't appreciate my defiance. So the admiral told his men to shatter the crest, then kill me."

"I wasn't strong enough to do anything when they took it back. One of them used an iron maul to break it — and when it was in pieces, I felt it for the first time, that connection to Ionia, to the blades." Only then does the dancer realize she had stopped playing with his hair at some point, her hands colder than before, nails pressed against her palms. Irelia looks at Kayn again, then, softspoken in closing the tale. "That's how I got them. It's the only reason I survived."

It does not take explaining, she believes, to understand how. She lived — two of the noxians did not. This time Irelia allows silence to follow, the words no longer easily spilled. There is no expectation for him to break it, for any demonstration of sympathy; it had been a long time ago, now, and she had grown tired of empty words years before, commiseration and condolences alike never making any difference.

Carefully her hand returns to his hair, the contact somehow soothing despite being given instead of received. There is no expectation, but neither is there any suggestion he ought to uphold the silence, her own not the sullen sort. What sorrow the tale elicits in her manifests only as distant melancholy; tragic though the story may be, it had been willingly shared.

An odd feeling, still, to lower every wall and make herself vulnerable, to allow another to be so close in face of a mere question. At times Irelia wonders if there is anything he might ask that she would not answer, any part of her she would not give, if only Kayn made the request.

[wangmiao]

Tan Jianci’s birthday celebration live concert on 10/04/21 (his birthday is on Oct 5th), video credit to 一念山河·1029x1005 (23/? SPL/FHLJ cast interviews & other info while we wait for the show to air)

Tan Jianci celebrated his birthday last year with the cast and crew of Feng Huo Liu Jin/Sha Po Lang during the filming of the series. He got very emotional recalling that birthday, and expressing how much he loved Gu Yun (AGAIN!). Fans kept shouting “Don’t cry!” to him. And in case you are curious, his first most unforgettable birthday was his 18th birthday.

*Lao Tian Ye/老天爷: Literal translation is old sky/heaven lord, which can be loosely translated to god. In most context for Chinese speakers, this word does not refer to any specific deity, but rather means things like justice, luck, karma, etc..

[toorumochi]

Hello~ I created some KaruShuu Headcanons for you guys~ hope you enjoy ❤️🧡 (Questions ain’t mine, I just answered them) Also some of them are based off fanfics I have written/read.

Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop?

KARMA IS A BITCH AND IS ROCKING THE FERRIS WHEEL SEAT WHILE SHUU IS HOLDING ONTO THE POLE FOR DEAR LIFE

Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Hm. Both. Lmao

Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Karma is the sexy time, always time and Shuu is the relaxing time one BUT. That doesn’t mean he isn’t playing along with Karma

Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Karma. Karma walks around at least half naked maybe some boxers - and it’s not like shuu doesn’t enjoy watching his manly man walking around the house beefy af and flexing his muscles without even trying but he still tells karma to put some clothes on

Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

I DONT CAREEE HOW SOFT THE ARGUMENT WAS. KARMA SLEEPS ON THE COUCH.

Who takes photos of the other while they sleep?

BOTH DO. BOTH DO TAKE PICS OF THE OTHER ONE AND THEY TEASE THEM WITH THE PICS LATER ON

Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

I would say that Karma was the first one who said ‘I love you’ and the ‘bc I love you’ feels like smth Shuu would say

Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts?

Shuu likes to wear Karmas, and then:

“...shuu pls give me my clothes back I swear I have nothing to wear-“

Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

Karma would be the one with cool dreams and wake Shuu up but since Shuu is a supporting bf/husband he will listen to him ❤️ and when it comes to nightmares, I would say that Shuu gets them but Karma is always there to comfort him ❤️❤️

Who is more likely to cheat?

No❤️ but if it’s in a video game- karma. He is a little bitc-

Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

NDNSNSNSBD KARMA WOULD MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT LIKE

“Wait whattt??? You have a crush on me? Omggg stahp I’m blushing now”

“......Karma we are dating-“

Or better!

“What? Omg- really? You actually have a crush on me? Damn Shuu why didn’t you tell me”

“...Karma we are marrIED-“

Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

Karma is a little bitch and he would start with maybe splashing some water onto Shuu and then Shuu turns to face him with a straight face “oh it’s on”

Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Both initiate duets; anywhere and everywhere - and Shuu is the better singer. Karma sounds like a bitch

Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the others butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

Hmmm maybe Karma would take it easy with the hand holding; like he would start taking Shuus hand when they are at home and when it comes to public he lets it be and waits for Shuu; cause if he is ready to hold hands, Karma is ready too.

GRABBING BUTTS- OMG PLS. KARMA. KARMA WOULD. AND AND HE WOULD TEASE SHUU ABOUT BEING HEAVIER THAT HE IS AND SAY THAT HIS ASS IS 4KG HEAVIER.

AND THE ARM SLIDING AROUND THE WAIST- *slams fist on the table* KARMA WOULD DO THIS ANYWHERE LITERALLY ANYWHERE.

AND THE BELT LOOPS- SHUU. SHUU WOULD THIS BUT LIKE HE WOULD DO IT AS A SIGN THAT HE IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND WANTS TO LEAVE SO HE SHOWS IT TO KARMA THAT WAY AND I THINK ITS ADORABLE.

Who likes to write the others name on their wrist?

Karma would doodle his own name on Shuus arm during study sessions or so ksksksks bonus: Shuu does NOT wash it off, when in the shower, he has this one hand stretched out so the water won’t touch the doodle.

Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed?

Shuu. Both is Shuu. Pls.

Who is more protective?

Karma is pretty protective- but not in an obsessive way, more like taking care of Shuu and his health as well as his eating habits and sleep

Who talks to the other while they are sleeping?

Karma would just talk and talk till Shuu falls asleep but karma KEEPS ON TALKI-

Who drives and who has the window seat?

Karma drives bc he is the most terrain oriented and besides, Shuu likes to drink from time to time (like coming back from parties or so) so there is no way that a drunk Shuu at the steering wheel would survive.

Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?

Shuu would fall asleep in Karmas lap (DURING SHREK MARATHONSSS 🥴 Idk if anyone gets that but in my fanfics on Wattpad Karma is OBSESSED with Shrek lmao so Shrek marathons >>>) and Karma would carry him to bed.

Who cuts the others hair?

I would say Shuu would cut Karmas hair, pls he is perfect at everything. (.......except cooking and baking *clears throat*)

Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day?

Shuu is hella bad at sexting, but when he is drunk he is the god of flirting lmao

And the encouraging ones- hm... both djdjdjd

Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

AAAAAA NOOOO *war flashbacks: “You’re my Moron” fanfic ending II”*

Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?

KARMA KARMA KARMA WOULD. KARMA WOULD START TO RANDOMLY SLOW DANCE WITH SHUU IN THE KITCHEN AND THEN KISS HIM AAAAA

Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

KARMA DOES THIS IN THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE TIMES PLS

Who kissed first?

OH OH!!!

I think!!! That if maybe Karma was the first one to confess bc come on, Shuu has a reputation so yea, but when it comes to first kiss- Shuu would. Shuu would be the one who kisses Karma like totally randomly, maybe hanging out at each other houses and watching a movie and then Shuu leaNS IN AND KISSES HIM AAAAA-

Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark?

JDJSJSHS KARMA WOULD ORDER TAKE OUT BUT ONLY WHEN THEY ARE MAKING MOVIE MARATHONS AND THE FOOD RUNS OUT- AND THE THREE AM WATER GETTING IS SHUU BC HE IS JUST SCARED OF THE DARK YES.

Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them?

YES. THIS. SHUU WOULD. Since he plays many instruments, he finds himself creating love songs for Karma butttt he wouldn’t give them to him bc he would be too embarrassed ndndndnd on the other hand, Karma would write poetry and stories for Shuu like very dorky ones and cute and Shuu finds it adorable on the inside but he has to keep his reputation and standards and stuff like that up so he just says it’s stupid but let me tell you, that boy loves Karmas poetry and stories

Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

KARMA WOULD TRY TO IMPRESS AND THEN BAM. HOSPITAL.

BUT. JUST BC KARMA IS A DORK, IT DOESNT MEAN THAT SHUU ISN’T. IMAGINE SHUU TRYING TO BAKE SMTH FOR KARMA FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE FUCKS UP SO BADLY THEY HAD TO CALL A FIRE DEPARTMENT-

Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

KARMA WOULD WEAR GLASSES BUT HE WOULDN’T BE EMBARRASSED BUTTT SHUU WOULD FIND HIM EVEN MORE ATTRACTIVE

who worries about what they will look like when they are older?

BOTH, they worry that they won’t be good looking enough for the other one

who hogs the blanket?

Karma is a hoe.

who eats the others uneaten pizza crusts?

Pls, Shuu would rather die than not eat his own pizza left overs butttt Karma sometimes wont finish them and Shuu gladly accepts 😩❤️ (also a fanfic reference, bc Shuu loves pizza in that one fanfic so yea-)

who is more likely to cry over a sad book or movie?

BOTH BUT WHEN THEY ARE WATCHING A MOVIE TOGETHER AND ITS SAD THEY WONT ADMIT NOR SHOW IT

who talks while playing video games?

KARMA WOULD CONSTANTLY TALK AND THAT WAY HE CAN BEAT SHUU BC HE DISTRACTS HIM BUT SHUU ALSO TALKS BC HE HAS QUESTIONS ABOUT THE GAME

who sings along with the radio?

KARMA SINGS BUT HORRIBLY AND SHUU IS THE TYPE TO HUM TO THE SONGS

who would enter them both into a talent show?

KARMA BUT NOW THAT I THINK OF IT, RIO WOULD FORCE THEM TO DO THAT BEFORE KARMA CAN EVEN THINK OF IT

who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking?

DO I NEED TO ANSWER THIS? 💀 (Shuu.)

who would throw the other into a pool?

KARMA WOULD THROW SHUU INTO A POOL. IDC. HE WOULD. B U T SHUU WOULD QUICKLY GRAB ONTO KARMA AND THEY BOTH LAND IN THE POOL. I DON’T MAKE THE RULES.

who shops for groceries?

THEY BOTH DO BUT KARMA IS MORE ORIENTED DJDJDJ

who kills the spiders?

PLSSSS SHUU IS S C R E E T C H I N G AT THE SIGHT OF A SPIDER. KARMA IS THERE TO KILL/GET IT OUT TO SAFETY BUT BEFORE THAT, HE CHASES SHUU AROUND THE HOUSE WITH IT

who is the morning/night person?

SHUU IS A MORNING PERSON AND KARMA A NIGHT PERSON. BUTTTT ON SOME DAYS- *EHEM* SHUU ISNT A MORNING PERSON BC THEY HAD S-

whO PROPOSES?

KARMAAAAAAAA

I thinkkk that I have more of those- as soon as I find them, I’ll post them here 😩✨

[ginkgomoon]

Gavin’s Mini House In Detail 🏡

During the Mini House special events, I obtained all the furnishing items and had already unlocked all the furniture in the home so I thought for Gavin’s Birthday Week, I would share all of the little secrets it contains! 

Gavin has four sections of the house including-

Living Room

Loft 

Courtyard

Basement

This post also includes MC’s commentary and quotes from special happenings associated with Gavin. Special furnishes will have the coziness points indicated next to its name.

Please enjoy! 

Living Room

Soft Stool 

The white soft stool next to the tea table.

This stool is a must when Gavin watches soccer games.

The leather surface is very soft, and its height is just right for watching TV on.

Want to know the trend of the soccer lottery recently? How about asking about it? 

It seemed to have won all the recent games, and is both happy and lonely.

If his favourite team loses, Gavin will sit here alone. (#sad) 

White Sofa 

With so many pillows, you don’t have to worry about having no support behind you.

Is the white sofa difficult to clean? 

The bolsters are very comfortable.

Curled up on the sofa with soft ginkgo aroma.

“Gavin, do you remember what you told me?”

“I just want to be with you, just like this...”

“You still remembered!” 

“I won’t forget what I’ve told you.” 

“Then... Do you have anything you want to tell me this time?” 

Gavin kissed MC’s forehead gently.

- This special happening (Starry Sky) refers to the Furniture City Date!

White Table 

“Gavin’s Pad is placed here too.”

(It has a photo of MC and she says she will change it into the both of them next time.)

“I can add a snack box, but Gavin doesn’t really eat snacks.”

Hallway Cabinet

“Gavin waters the plants regularly.”

“These are often loose change on the cabinet which we can take before going out.”

“The silver ornament is a souvenir I bought when we went to Disneyland.”

The “Wavy Thing”

“I noticed a little “go for it” written on the most recently scrawled page of the notebook.” 

“I found a magazine that puts people to sleep in a second, which was necessary for insomniacs.”

Zoombot 

The black Zoombot.

Today I’m again busy all over the place saving Zoombot.

It’s a bit stupid and often gets stuck after hitting the furniture.

Makes a buzzing sound when working.

You threaten it: If you hang again, I’ll replace you!  

Music Stand

The music stand bought by Gavin.

On it are sheets of music scores printed by Gavin.

It will sometimes think that the small black table next to it is a bit short.

Sometimes Gavin uses in in the hanging chair to record melodies.

Gavin will print the music scores and put them on it to practice.

Flowers on the Wall 

Each flower is carefully selected by Gavin.

The front wall stores a variety of flowers.

The flowers on the entire flower wall are all preserved fresh flowers. 

Black Table and Seat 

Looking at it closely, it is the song that Gavin played last time. (Music score sheet on table.) 

It is also very comfortable with the little black seat cushion next to it.

The soft black cushion stuffed with cotton.

My exclusive seat for Gavin’s recital.

I bought it with Gavin when we were shopping at the furniture market.

Hanging Chair/Rose Hanging Chair (Coziness 88)

A great napping spot.

Here in the Leisure Time special happening, MC and Gavin talk about the swing they had in high school. MC is surprised that Gavin knew about the view of the sunset when being on it. He says he “passed by” sometimes. MC notes how the ginkgo leaves danced in the wind. He says, “they were gifts from another person”.

Heart-Shaped Chair (Coziness 28)

A cute small stool and a convenient storage box.

Gavin’s expression was a bit subtle while he sat on it first.

Alternating blue and pink hearts, as it’s a Valentine’s Day limited edition.

Surfboard Cabinet (Coziness 42)

It’s a new surfboard. Bring it next time we travel.

There are also other surfboards. Guess where they are? 

It says fly on the surfboard, like I can leap through waves with it.

(THEIR CUTE SHOES ARE NEXT TO IT AHHH)

Blue Lamp

A lamp that always blows bubbles from the bottom to top.

It’s beautiful and dreamlike when switched on at night.

Black Table on the Left 

“This looks like the score that Gavin played on the beach last time. I suddenly feel a bit nostalgic.”  - This refers to the Slightly Drunken Date!

“I found a picture of an asleep Gavin. He was sleeping soundly.”

Claw Machine and Carpet 

A dream-like claw machine. Gavin will add new dolls in it.

The inserted game coins can be taken out from the back of the machine and then reused.

A small black carpet in front of the claw machine.

I bought it together with the large carpet.

Red Bunny, White Bunny, Pink Bunny, Red Bunny, Grey Bunny.

Motorcycles 

The blue motorcycle sometimes want to compete with the opposite motorcycle.

The colour of the motorcycle displayed is sky blue. 

Maybe its name will be “Azure”? (because Gavin uses colours to individually name items.) 

Spring Landscape Display 

The landscape has been embedded into the window, like beautiful paintings.

Maybe there is a new world inside.

I can't help stopping to enjoy the view each time I pass.

Is designed for a wider view, improving your mood even when you're tired.

Winter Landscape Display (Coziness 61)

A corresponding landscape should be changed into winter.

Such heavy snow! Frozen river! Unfortunately, they are all fake. 

You can enjoy the red maple leaves and snow even at home, isn’t it wonderful?

Loft 

Painting

This is a word map that covers the entire wall.

Looking at it, Gavin and I have already been to so many places.

If you want to travel, you can find the destination on it in advance.

I'm willing to create memories with him in many more places.

Chandelier

The current iron style design is really cool.

Shines warm yellow when turned on, warming our hearts.

Display Cabinet  

It should have been a wine cabinet, but Gavin doesn’t drink, so it became a display cabinet.

The ‘little things’ between me and Gavin are displayed inside.

It looks empty now, but it will slowly be filled up in the future.

Black Tea Table

A black low table in front of the sofa.

I occasionally work here.

The star and moon deco piece is very beautiful, I picked it with Gavin.

You can put fruits and snacks on it while reading.

The wood texture had a matted quality with the black coat of paint.

Art 

Looks cold but is artistic.

Seems useless, but also seems cool.

Greenery

A corner with blooming flowers all seasons, is warm and restful to the eye.

Outside the window is a huge ginkgo tree, and the fallen leaves are like brocade.

I feel like it’s always spring with all these flowers around.

It compliments the scenery outside the window. (They have a ginkgo tree right outside their home!) 

Cabinet 

Photo framed have karmas from the Starry Date and the Romantic Date!

Decorative Cabinet/Snowman Closet (Coziness 49)

The two little snowmen stared at each other throughout the winter. (Cute little reference to the CN Recovery ASMR.)

It looks like a window at first glance, but it’s actually a cabinet if you look carefully.

And you could open it. Didn’t see that coming right? 

Starry Sky Wall (Coziness 52)

Today’s wish… I hope that Gavin…

I will accompany you to see the meteor rain which falls on this Earth.

Every moment a wish is realised, there will be a meteor streaking across the sky.

Dandelion Lamp (Coziness 43)

The lamp looks exactly like the grapefruit during Mid-Autumn Festival.

Like a burning sparkler, shining brightly.

Six light sources, not too dazzling nor too dark.

Festive Decoration Table (Coziness 57)

Although there are two cups of drinks, we can still drink from the same cup.

The sofa in the corner always makes people feel safe. 

Although we are only two people, I still chose two long couches.

The letter under the ginkgo biloba leaf, writes a love poem.

All the shopping bags represent his most flawless love.

The wide view allows you to see the scenery in the yard.

The soft white mat was added afterwards.

But it’s always hot under the sunlight, so the curtain is often pulled down.

Basement

Security Camera 

You are in a monitored area, please mind your actions.

Bulletproof Glass 

It’s not a normal screen, it’s bulletproof.

It's not often that one gets to see such a cool and HARD-CORE transparent screen.

Anyways, curious what’s in this wall.

Sci-fi glass wall in the movies.

The engraved badge is Gavin’s silent pride.

1-2-3... still shorter than it!

Gingko Tree

Seasons slip by soundlessly.

No matter how small their wishes are, they will become seeds and eventually bloom in gold.

All life’s little joys turned into gold.

It guards the serene life here quietly over in the corner.

(Gavin makes ginkgo bookmarks with them for MC. CRIES.)

Corner Resting Area 

These action figures are actually pretty fun!

The puzzle is all grown up. It should be able to piece itself back together. (LOL)

(Puzzle) Maybe finish it while Gavin’s gone? 

(Table) It sometimes thinks the table is a bit short.

(Chair) It looks hard but it’s actually comfortable to sit on.

Very spacious, but looks a bit empty.

Some decorations should be displayed here.

Sitting on a blanket is also very comfortable. You can also lean on the small pillow. 

(Carpet) This is a carpet. You can’t tell, right? 

The advanced smart carpet that is warm in winter and cool in summer is awesome.

(The book on the table is called ‘Kritik Der Urteilskraft’- The Critique of Judgement by famous German philosopher Immanuel Kant. It follows after the Critique of Pure Reason and the Critique of Practical Reason- the First and Second Critiques, respectively. The Critique of Judgment constitutes a discussion of the place of Judgment itself, which must overlap both the “understanding” and “reason”.)

“You need to take better care of your health.”

“Who was the one working overnight over the proposal the other day?”

“Alright, we’re birds of a feather, so... so both of us should look after ourselves for each other!” 

“Rest assured, I will. After all, it’s different now. I have you by my side.”  -Harmonous Compa Special Happening

Gavin’s Workspace

Accompany Gavin though every sleepless night.

This seems… No, I’m seeing things.

All folders are neatly organised and arranged.

A spacious table, with files and reports spread all over when busy.

I no need to worry about waking up from naps due to cold late at night.

I was reminded of some criminal investigation shows I have watched. Come on, Officer Gavin!

If this complicated case is made into a movie, it will be an exhilarating one. 

(Computer) A customised large-screen UHD model customised for work purpose.

(Computer) Work exclusive computer, only connected to intranet.

(Computer) The three auxiliary monitors can help keep the data safe.

(Chair) If you want to protect your waist, you should first have a comfortable cushion.

(Chair) if you work long hours, be sure to work in a comfortable chair.

(Board Area) What does it say? Ermm… Cats have nine lives? 

“Found a girl crookedly drawn next to a work record when he reached a bottleneck.” 

Airplane

This airplane model was assembled by Gavin himself.

The computer says-  Agent B-7

Team Operator S.T.R.I.K.E

Location Tracker 

S.P.Y Camera 

U4V Commando

Gunship Operation 

Motorcycle Repair Area 

Every vehicle is so cool in its own way! 

Hello, you are... Little… Erm… Let me think… 

With the strength to lift mountains and the spirit to take on the world! Ha! 

The robot arm is actually a simple robot.

For your safety, please don’t linger below it

(Motorcycle) I would like to greet my seniors.

Electronic Control Pad

Responsible for controlling the rising, descending and switches of the entire area.

On Spring Festival, it will say: Happy New Year, Sir!”

Sooner or later, fully automated smart management will be achieved.

Radio Office 

It’s an important communication device, and the only disadvantage is that it’s a bit heavy.

It’s actually a satellite phone, and it can receive signals everywhere.

Looks like the palm phone in the 90s. Oh no, I’ve exposed myself.

It looks like an electrocardiogram.

Don’t know how to use this weird device.

A thick laptop that it’s properly shut when not in use.

A cool eagle logo is printed on it.

Gavin used it only for special tasks and it will not be brought out.

LMAO MC DOESN’T HAVE ACCESS-

Courtyard 

Corner Seating Area 

A courtyard in sunny or snowy days are interested in their own ways.

Sometimes the unfrequented bolsters will envy the knee pillow.

It's’ wonderful when two people are sitting here reading, even if they don’t talk.

Standing barefoot on the soft lawn is very comfortable.

There's nothing nicer than basking ourselves when its sunny.

Binoculars

The white binoculars which you can see things several miles away.

You can use it to watch the stars when it’s not too cloudy.

But star-watching is clearer mid-air.

Seems to be the same binoculars as those in the scenic area.

The binoculars in the scenic area require coins, but this one doesn't.

Outdoor Lounge Chairs 

The new furniture I asked Gavin to buy.

Can enjoy the sunlight spa comfortably when relaxing. 

Closing my eyes, I feel like I’m lying on a beach.

The soft breeze and warm sunshine. This is life. 

Lying on it and looking at the blue sky and white clouds, your mind goes blank easily.

The blue and white clouds-

Leisure Table/Romantic Table (Coziness 52)

Lace tablecloth… I can’t imagine that it was chosen by Gavin.

The elaborately prepared dinner and roses, just for today.

A large sunshade on the balcony. (Black large umbrella.)

Bird Nest (Coziness 37) 

Once it was a pair of binoculars, now it’s a bird’s nest.

I bought it just because it was cute, but I’ll consider having pets in the future.

Birds flying by can also have a free meal here.

[darlingdtarot]

🌕 2/27/2021 - Full Moon In Virgo & Horoscopes For All Signs🌕

 The Virgo Full Moon, where do we even begin? This is going to be an amazing time to take stock on what all is in your life. Where the New Moon is about setting new goals for yourself, the Full Moon is a wonderful way to reflect on what all has happened over the last month and how to be more in your own integrity. Are your current circumstances aligning with what you know is right for yourself and your Divine Purpose on this planet? This energy of rumination on what has transpired, and how this has either bettered your life, or made you a stronger individual, is almost palpable and you could very well be feeling it's effects days before the actual Full Moon itself.   

Some might be feeling a little emotionally charged and might feel as if it's easier to judge yourself a little too harshly as Virgos can be very detail oriented about themselves.  They can tend to be way too hard on their own projects, while being comforting and loving to other's. Show yourself and your dreams this same unconditional love and understanding that you would show others. Don't stoop to making self-deprecating jokes in the presence of others in the heat of the moment or setting the bar low on how you should be treated. Give yourself your dues – you deserve it for always pushing forward so courageously. No more cutting yourself into bite sized pieces to be more palatable for others. You are the spiciest, warmest, and most comforting cup of tea; but not everyone is a tea drinker. Some people enjoy coffee or hot chocolate and that's okay. Remember even though you might not be everyone's cup of tea, there are still a heck of a lot of tea drinkers out there in the world. Respect what sets you apart from others and what makes you different. These are things that others can't replicate even if they tried as they are unique to you. Embrace your uniqueness and authenticity with this Full Moon, and go into the month of March feeling empowered and strong.     

  Remember; this is a heavy time for everyone, so make sure that you're reaching out to those that you care about and seeing how they're faring with these newfound energies. They will be ecstatic that you took the time for them.  

Rituals that you can do during the Virgo Full Moon:     

Some of the best rituals to be doing for the Full Moon in Virgo are actually the most simple.  We are going to discuss a few of the different ways we can utilize the energy of the Full Moon. Take what you feel called to, and don't feel as though you have to accomplish everything on this list. We go over a few so there are many different ways for many different lifestyles. The most important thing to take away from this is to be kind towards yourself during this Full Moon, and not to be so hard on yourself. Give yourself credit where credit is due, and respect your boundaries! If you're tired, take a nap. If you're hungry, get something good to eat. Which speaking of; Eating better such as making yourself a home cooked meal is a wonderful way to honor yourself during the Virgo Full Moon. Work with your Clairgustance and allow yourself to go all out when cooking yourself something. This could even include eating a bit cleaner – more water, more vegetables, and more fruits. It sounds so simple, but it's a great ritual to take part in on the Virgo Full Moon. Learning new recipes and offering some of the food to your ancestors is also a wonderful way to not only honor yourself, but also your bloodline that has come before you. This energy will be transferred to your living relatives as well, protecting and providing to both you and your loved ones. Virgo also reminds us to take some time to honor our living friends and relatives with a cooked meal, too. Sometimes we get so comfortable with them being around, that we can take them for granted. Do or say something kind ; remember, “a kind word can keep someone warm for years.” On that same note, volunteering at local charities and rescues would be another incredible way of utilizing the momentum of good karma coming your way over the next moon cycle. Remember, Full Moons are about reflecting on what we have had over the last moon cycle, while honoring that we are stepping into a brand new space yet again.  

    Baking some breads would also be a wonderful way to honor the Full Moon and the harvest it has brought into your life over this last month. I would love to suggest a braided bread with 3 strands. Each strand of dough will represent something different ; One being in reference to all that has been brought into your life, One Strand being what you are Currently Thankful for, and the Last Strand is going to be what you want to manifest into your life over this next period. There are many yummy bread recipes online, might I also suggest Butterswim Biscuits, Sweet Bread, or Gluten Free Socca bread. (There are many great ways to turn a regular recipe into a Gluten Free one as well, I love to make my dog's cookies using Chickpea Flour as they have sensitivities to gluten.) On the subject of our pets/babies, this is a wonderful time to make them treats or snacks of their own! Honoring your Fur-baby (Or Scalebaby, Featherbaby, etc) is a wonderful way to also bring in this Full Moon.  

  Cleaning your space and getting things in order is going to be incredibly beneficial for you also. You'll feel recharged and more inspired when your space is cleaner. For some in particular getting up earlier in the morning and making your bed is going to make you feel more encouraged to do other things. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back for all that you do though. The Virgo Full Moon wants us to remind ourselves of all that we do on a daily basis. Just getting up in the morning and pushing forward is so commendable and brave – and both The Universe and I couldn't be prouder of you, Darling!  

Furthermore, this would be a wonderful time to work on getting into an exercise routine too. This doesn't have to be a super intensive workout session, but something that gets you going for the day and gets those endorphins going. Some are going to really do amazing with yoga, and this will bring you a more peaceful energy while you are practicing poses that provide mindful moments. Express yourself over all during this Moon Cycle, loved one.  

Horoscopes for Each Sign over the Full Moon in Virgo:  

         (Please make sure to check your Sun, Moon, Rising, and Venus Signs as they might resonate with your current energy)

Earth: 3 of Pentacles – Working with others is going to be amazing this month, Earth Signs! You're going to feel excited to cooperate and share ideas with those around you. This is going to bring in eye opening conversations and you're going to really appreciate bouncing ideas off of those around you and have their input. Teamwork truly does make the dream work this month, Earth Signs. There might also be someone who wants to extend you a job opportunity or maybe wants to go in on a business with you. For some this could be a friend that gets you a job interview at their place of work, and you're feeling grateful to know them. Others might just be finding it easier in general to get along with coworkers or peers – even those coworkers that aren't always the easiest to work with. This is going to have you feeling more open to fellowship and conversations with like-minded individuals. Make sure you're not hiding yourself away as these connections are going to be incredibly important to you later on in life. The Virgo Full Moon is bringing things in that are meant to stay for the long-term, so don't be scared to be vulnerable with these new people joining your energy space. For a few Earth signs, The Universe says “Don't judge a book by it's cover.” Give new individuals a chance to be a part of your life. You won't be disappointed – that's for sure.  

 Taurus: 7 of Wands – You're fighting for what you want, Taurus, and now is not the time to back down from what you truly desire! What you hope for is in the homestretch, which might be adding to the surmounting feeling of needing to finish things up. You might be wanting to tie up any loose ends, but those around you might be giving you a little bit of a hard time to do so. Some Taureans are discovering who is really in your corner and supportive of you this month, which is going to be both liberating and a bit frustrating at the same time. When someone tells you 'No', you're going to laugh in the face of danger and show them what you're really made of. No one quite accomplishes those goals like Taurus does, and it's time you show them who is really boss. Some might be deciding to pursue an entrepreneurship with a craft of hobby that you are incredibly skilled at. Spirit wants you to disregard any of the naysayers and keep striving forward towards those dreams. A select few Taurus might feel as if they have been taking one step forward and two steps back, but The Universe wants you to know that this was for a reason. “If we gave you all your abundance at once, what would there be to fight for?” is their message to you, Taurus. Don't stop believing!    

Virgo: The Star – Wow! You are feeling very hopeful with this Full Moon in your sign, Virgo! This energy is going to uplift you and make you feel excited to take action in many different areas of your life. No longer feeling stuck or stagnant, you're going to feel as if there is truly nothing holding you back or could get you down. You will be feeling very creative this month too. Some are going to be feeling hopeful in regards to business endeavors while others might be deciding to branch out in their hobbies. Now is a wonderful time to learn a new skill and to share your intelligence with others. Know that good fortune and incredible luck is coming your way. Some Virgos might be called to start writing as well, so if you have any ideas during this full moon phase be sure to write them down. Get out in nature too as it will inspire you, Virgo. You might be feeling called to sit near a small stream or take a long hike to clear your mind – and it will! This is going to be incredibly beneficial to you. Spirit keeps showing me that some Virgos need to clear their Solar Plexus Chakra, and loosen up their body – for some there is a need for a better posture as your neck and back have been aching. Take priority in yourself now, Virgo ; do your hair, sing in the shower, laugh loudly! The hardest part is now over. Now is the time for healing and honoring your space. You might have been carrying around stress for a while, but it will feel as if you've finally let out a breath you were holding in. Good for you, Virgo!  

Capricorn: The Magician – You're manifesting great things into your life, Capricorn! Have you been working with the Law of Attraction more? If yes, then your harvest is coming in a lot faster than you originally anticipated. If no, The Universe wants you to start working with the Law of Attraction and Affirmations as soon as possible as this will really help you in so many aspects of life, Capricorn. Saying Affirmations that confirm that you are That-Bitch™. Know that you are worthy of achieving all your dreams as you're not just a snack; You're the entire Buffet. The Universe also wants you to know that you have all the resources that you need in order to achieve your goals. Anything that you can dream of can be birthed into being – you are the creator of your world, and someone who knows how to get things done. Mixing both your Logical mind with your Intuitive mind will help balance out decisions you have to make. Some Capricorns are manifesting a call on their cellphone from an Air or Fire sign. This is working, and you can expect some kind of a call very soon as this person has genuinely been missing you. Stay optimistic and envision yourself doing good in every scenario you desire, Capricorn. This is the key to manifestation. Your high vibration is going to bring your fruition in sooner than you could even begin to imagine.

Air: The Hierophant -  Air Signs are being called to get back to basics and ground themselves. This could be through more mindful moments or actually meditating. Bringing a new plant into your space is a wonderful way to freshen things up and get some positive energy into your room. Someone might have recently gotten a succulent or have been planning on getting one – this is your sign to do so! With this plant offering some perspective you'll be able to take a hard look at your life in where you need to grow yourself. Some Air Signs are going to be receiving some sound advice from a Authoritative figure. This could be someone with a strong Paternal/Masculine Energy (Regardless of Gender), this means this person wants the best for you. They are protective, and want to offer you some words of wisdom on where to go next. Don't see this as the end all be all, but do take the moral from their story on whatever they're telling you as it might be incredibly important regarding where you're going in life. For some this is going to be a Grandfather, Father/Step-Father, or your Boss. Some might also be longing to follow tradition, perhaps getting connected with their heritage and culture. Some Air Signs are wanting to deepen a connection and having a stronger commitment. Stability is the name of the game right now, and something that is weighing you down a bit. Other Air Signs might be longing to have a promotion at work as well and step into your own position of Authority. As you already know, Air Sign, you are a natural born leader who is capable of doing so quite easily! You're going to be offered the chance to prove yourself worthy of what's next – either to a boss, the Universe, or someone shady. You've known your worth this whole time – it's about time they get on the same page. ;) One Air Sign in particular has been mulling over in their head if they are going to branch out into something new in regards to career. You're being asked to go towards what you know and are amazing at. This Air Sign in particular has dark hair with blonde highlights and beautiful eyes. You might want to start a Spiritual Youtube or Social Media account and Spirit is telling you to go for it as you truly have a gift for connecting with the Divine. Let nothing hold you back, Air Signs!    

Aquarius: Knight of Pentacles – You're really making sure to take your time with something, Aquarius. You're deciding to stay very practical and not to just dive in head first to something. You're choosing to be cautious with everything that you do. You're seeing every angle of a situation or reading all the fine print. It might feel a little meticulous, but it will be something you'll be glad you spent the extra time on. For some Aquarius, you might be focusing more on your material wealth and finances. Some are very excited about a job they have, but they're having to learn how to pace themselves better. There might be a lack of boundaries that you have had in the past when it has come to job situations, and you're learning how to work smarter – not harder. You're feeling determined to do a job well done though, and who better to call for the job than you, Aquarius? Others are in a relationship that they might be wanting to pump the breaks on a little. This isn't out of lack, but wanting to regroup and have a bit more of a 'Slow-Burning Romance'. You might be saying, if it's meant to be they will wait for me. It seems as if you want to get your ducks in a row first before you proclaim a commitment of forever as well. There might be a Aquarius in particular that wants to get back to basics as well. Go for it! 

 Libra: 3 of Swords – You might be feeling a little down in the dumps about something, Libra. What has been getting you down? Was there an ending of something? Are you grieving something that you miss from the past? For some you might be feeling nostalgic, but it pains you to have to think about it. The Universe wants you to honor the memories, but honor yourself first. When you feel overwhelmed, feel your emotions, but then spend time picking yourself up again. Taking care of yourself, having a nice meal, watching that new series on Netflix. For some Libra, the song “Had to Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez is going to resonate. Look up this song or read the lyrics as I feel it could pertain to your situation. It's not always easy to have to move on from a situation, a person, or a relationship – but not everyone is meant to be in your space forever. Some are meant to just be lessons in your life. For some Libras there is going to be a Dark Night of the Soul that makes you really look at what you've been doing leading up to this point. I see this card as the Soul Growth card as well – each sword representing a different cycle in our life that we are going to experience. The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone all have their different lessons and morals to learn. You might be having a Coming Of Age or 'A-Ha!' moment that ushers in a brand new energy with new opportunities and blessings around the corner.   

Gemini: King of Swords – Gemini, you're taking a logical approach to everything you're doing over the Virgo Full Moon. Some are taking a look at their obstacles or problems with a fine toothed comb – really seeing where they can improve or grow. This Full Moon is going to make you feel as if you are in your power and you're trusting yourself more. You might be focusing on your studies a lot more as well, and really putting your nose to the grind stone in order to make big waves. Even when trials or tribulations come your way over this period, you maneuver it with such ease that others are going to be shocked in this. You are going to see life as a beach with waves, and when a large one comes your way instead of panicking you're taking your surfboard out and riding this out. How incredible, Gemini! You're going to be focusing on yourself and the things you enjoy a little more as well, maybe not having as much time to just has conversations with anyone around you. You're being more discerning on how you spend your time or where your intention goes into. For some Gemini's you're going to be putting up better boundaries. There's a blue haired Gemini that is going to be stepping into their integrity and inner truth – this is going to bring new opportunities. For a blonde Gemini spirit is showing that you might be receiving a lot of signs and synchronicities through flowers. Make sure to look up the kind of flower you are seeing repeatedly in order to gain the full message. What an exciting time, Gemini!

Water: 4 Of Wands – Wow, Water Signs! That's all I can say right off the bat. Good things are coming your way – and fast. This could be in the form of stability, firm foundations, celebrations, homecomings, and inspiring thoughts. This is an amazing card as it shows people all together,  celebrating the beauty of life and love. You yourself might be invited to celebrations yourself – perhaps baby showers, weddings, or birthday parties. Of course a lot of these might be virtually as well, because of the pandemic, but it will still be a good way to get you out there. For some Water Signs, it might be Bittersweet as you are wanting these things to come into your life also. So while you might be genuinely happy for others, you might feel a bit left out or contemplative on how to bring this into your life. Don't stress it, Water Sign. It's coming into your life when you least expect it – and that's the beauty of it. To manifest something, the Law Of Attraction asks us to let go of what we truly desire to be in the moment. This will bring more chances of what you want entering when we don't hyper-focus on 'when' or 'how'. Let the Universe work it's magic! In the meantime, enjoy basking in the celebrations and connecting with those that you love! I'm hearing the song 'Bittersweet' by Panic! At the Disco, so this might be a sign for some Water Signs.    

Cancer: 9 of Swords - Are there worries on your mind that are keeping you up at night, Cancer? You haven't been sleeping very well, and this might be causing you to hyper-focus on or analyze the things that scare you. The Universe wants you to change the way you're seeing your situation in order to solve whatever this might be. Are you worried about someone in particular? Or are you missing a Passed Loved One? Are you worried about a Job position even? In the words of Newt Scamander, “Worrying is just Suffering twice.” Know that if this Job/Partner is meant to be yours, it will come your way no matter what. Get some good rest tonight and clear your mind. Know that you will also be able to think about it tomorrow when you start your day. To prepare for this, set your alarm 45 minutes earlier than usual to be able to think over everything that has been stressing you out. It will not only give you a quiet space to be alone with your thoughts, but also a dedicated time just to deciding what you're going to do going forward. Other Cancers feel as if something is on the horizon and just about to enter their life. This is causing you undue stress, because you might not be able to pinpoint what exactly it is. This makes you feel on edge and uncomfortable, but why not shift this energy to excited? Know that you are headed towards another new adventure, another new perspective, or another new connection. Be proud that you're going through another cycle in life! Some Cancers might be reminiscing on memories you spent with a passed loved one that you miss dearly. Your loved one(s) with you no matter what, in every walk of life, guiding you to something better. They want you to take care of yourself, and honor yourself too just as you honor them.  

Pisces:  2 of Pentacles – Do you feel as if you have been juggling for a while, Pisces? There might be two different energies that are calling you in different directions. Some are struggling to divide their time between their loved ones and their studies or work. With all of this trying to be in many different places at once, you might be feeling a little unbalanced. Grounding yourself will do wonders over the Full Moon in Virgo. Some Pisces might be feeling a little drained. Spirit is showing me someone who feels as if they have ran an entire marathon – exhausted, sweating, but feeling excited for all the progress they've made. Victory theirs as they know their hard work wasn't in vain. Know that yours wouldn't have been in vain either Pisces. With this constant pushing forward or juggling you may feel pulled between what you want to do versus what those in your energy expect or desire you to do. You might feel as if something is going to have to give sooner or later. You're highly underestimating your phenomenal juggling skills though, Pisces dear. You have all the resources to get through this period of trials and tribulations. Others are trying to find balance between their logical mind and their emotions. Some Pisces have noticed that in the past they would over-react with others, but now they're realizing this came from a place of needing healing. You're pulling your energy back and honoring yourself more over this Full Moon – which is fantastic! You're more mindful about where you're putting your intentions – and this is going to bring a lot more happiness your way.    

Scorpio: 3 of Cups – Your friends are thinking about you, Scorpio! Have you been wanting to spend more time with them? Or to get away from such serious, stagnant energy towards more productive and lighthearted fun? That's totally fine! Spirit is telling you to go for it now! Allow yourself to reach out to those that you care about; they're going to be extremely excited to hear from you. You might be wanting to hang out more with family members too during this time, perhaps wanting to play board games or have more family nights. Other's might be craving to have a drink with their longtime buddy. (Remember to be mindful with the pandemic, of course) This could be someone that you haven't talked to in a long time and you're wanting to change that. Regardless of what you've been manifesting, people are wanting to connect with you just as much as you've been wanting to connect with them. It's looking like setting aside a whole day to livestream a movie with your group would be more conductive and beneficial right now than constant working – so make time to find joy in your day. Some Scorpios are going to benefit from hearing other people's point of view. For one Scorpio in particular you might have a friends group with two friends, one with blonde hair and the other with auburn (you yourself might have dark brown hair). Something exciting is going to enter into you guy's space. You might have an opportunity to safely travel to see one another, or have a chance to come together through online video calls.  

Fire: 2 of Cups – Fire Signs might be getting a deeper level of commitment! For some you might be going on a date with someone who makes you feel on top of the world. This person is supportive, kind, and they encourage you to do better in every aspect of your life. You both understand each other on a level that you've never experienced before, and it's both alluring and a bit terrifying at the same time. You two might be a lot like yin and yang. The Universe is highlighting for someone in specific “Sometimes Opposites Attract”. They are showing me a battery, and how there is a Negative and a Positive. You can't have one without the other, and this might be the same for you two's union. Let this love come in naturally. For Leo's especially there might be a solid offer of love headed your way. Fire Signs are also being asked to be flexible between Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energy – to be comfortable with switching between being nurturing to protective, or logical to emotional, without missing a beat. This is going to get you the most out of every situation you find yourself in, so make sure to go with the flow. Don't be scared to be vulnerable with people around you. There are so many people that value your thoughts and want to cherish you, Fire Signs, allow others to celebrate you during this time.  

Aries: Ace of Swords – Clarity is on the way fast, Aries! Have you been hoping for clarity in a situation with something or someone? Perhaps this is clarity on what you want to go towards or achieve during this next Moon Cycle. The Full Moon is going to make you reflective on where your energy has been going, and where you might have been overextending yourself. You're getting into the Driver's Seat and taking the wheel, which Spirit is very proud of! You're being asked to look at things logically right now when making decisions. For some Aries, you're deciding if you want to go back to school and pursue a different line of study. This could be something completely different than what you originally thought you would want to go towards, but it will be a better fit overall. You're going to decide to chase your intellectual endeavors in whatever means possible. This is going to inspire other people around you as well to do the same thing, and how amazing is that, that you are going to be making others strive ahead too? Some are deciding to finally cut energetic cords to people or places that no longer serve their highest good. You'll know when something isn't serving you, Aries. You're incredibly intuitive, and you know when to stay in something or when to disengage.    

Leo: Seven of Cups – Leo, you are going to have a lot of options coming in very soon, but this might leave you feeling a little confused. With all of these opportunities, you might be feeling as if you could potentially make the wrong decision. There is never any wrong decisions in life, Leo. As long as you believe in your goal and yourself, you will always be able to make the right choice for what is correct and aligns with your integrity. Some Leo's might be confused on what it is that they want to pursue going forward into the month of March. Spirit also wants to remind you, Leo, that choosing to not make a decision is still making a decision. So make it count where it matters most! Again, there is no wrong decision. If you decide not to act towards the opportunities coming your way, know that better ones will come. Others are finding a way to get away from self sabotaging tendencies, and are taking a realistic look towards their life. Spirit says, “Someone is dropping the Rose Colored Glasses, and Seeing things the way they Actually Are.” The Universe wants to remind you that when someone shows you their true colors – don't paint them to be something else. Someone better will come in, but right now the name of the game is combing out the tangles in your life with a fine-tooth comb. This might feel a little tedious, but the meticulousness will pay off – I promise, Leo.  

Sagittarius: Six of Wands – Victory is ahead, Sagittarius! Do you see it in the distance? It's a lot closer than you realize, and it might be a bit surprising. Some might be getting money for something that they put effort into a while ago, and it's finally paying off. Others might finally be receiving recognition at a job which will lead to promotion. Whatever these opportunities are, Sagittarius, one thing is for sure; it's finally coming full circle! For those that have been struggling, there will be relief and smooth sailing. Others are going to have a new mindset of 'Only Up From Here' – this is a perfect perspective to have, Sag! The Six of Wands also reminds us that whatever we set our mind to is definitely something that can be achieved. You will definitely be getting a lot of praise and recognition for all that you do though. Those around you are going to want to lift you up and honor you over the next few weeks. Are you ready for this? This recognition has been a long time coming, with some Sagittarius in the past feeling overlooked or overburdened, and it's something that you have been in the works manifesting in for yourself. There is an energy of not having to compromise your ideals or dreams in order to achieve amazing things either. Don't worry - Let the chips fall where they may, and know that a glorious outcome is yours, Sagittarius.

[redqueen-hypothesis]

memory traveler ➳ gavin (mlqc)

➳ PAIRING: reader x gavin bai (mlqc)

➳ WORD COUNT: 3383

➳ GENRE: winter world! gavin, slight divergence from canon (at this point do the elex writers even know what’s going on), angst

➳ SYNOPSIS: contains spoilers for chapter 24+, direct references from gavin’s SP karma date dream traveler. 

i. parting

In the light of the sun setting over Loveland City, he sees you again.

Sitting at a park bench along the road, you’re wrapped in a soft woollen coat and a light scarf draped around your shoulders, hands tucked into your pockets and seemingly lost in thought as you watch the traffic and pedestrians move before you like a vignette film. Yet, you’re the only thing in that frame that doesn’t move, still and painfully out of place, a strange expression on your face that he can’t quite put his finger on - as if you’re searching for your place amongst the crowd.

Gavin knows he’s on a mission, but he can’t help but slow his footsteps as he walks towards you, as if drawn to you by an invisible force tugging at him. As he steps closer, a shining gleam on your wrist catches his eye - a small ginkgo charm hanging from your hand reflecting golden evening light.

Slight regret pulls at the seams. The person you had so desperately been looking for... you still haven’t found him, have you? If you had, you would definitely be with him now, smiling and laughing with those bright eyes he had borne witness to during the Eternal Winter incident. If he had found the person you were looking for, perhaps... you wouldn’t be wearing that expression of crippling loneliness on your face.

Before he can call out your name, however, you’ve already lifted your head to meet his eyes, slight surprise flitting over your features before a smile settles on your face at last. It’s not a bright smile, but a quiet, resigned one, filled with a trace of nostalgia and a hint of pain.

“Gavin.” You say softly, and he barely hears you over the rush of traffic coming from the street, his name barely over a whisper in the wind.

“Hey.” He greets back, taking a step closer. The wind tugs loose a few leaves from a nearby tree and sends them spiralling between the two of you, and your eyes break away from his for a second to watch them as they fall to the ground. “Long time no see.”

At his brief words, your smile falters slightly, disappointment written all over your face, and Gavin presses his lips together, mildly concerned. Did he say something that he wasn’t meant to?

“What’s wrong?” He asks. You hesitate for a moment, eyes wavering, and Gavin knows in an instant that you’re hiding something from him. A small bit of disappointment tugs at the corner of his heart. Sure, he’s known that you were hiding things from your very first meeting, from your involvement with the Eternal Winter incident and your identity as Queen, but now that the problem was resolved, Gavin had thought that you would be ecstatic.

He was wrong.

But then you’re taking a deep breath and smiling up at him, voice slightly shaky. “Where have you been all this time? I’ve been... looking for you.” Your words grow softer and softer, trailing off. You sound like you’re trying to choose your words carefully, and he wishes you wouldn’t. “I was... worried about you.”

Gavin pauses a moment to take in this information. The two of you have only known each other for a limited amount of time, yet you’re worried for him, seem to have been for a while. “Pretty good.” He says, to reassure you. “After the sattelite launch tower mission, it was arranged for me to hibernate and recover, so my contact with the outside world was cut off.”

He wants to say he’s sorry for leaving you alone, but hesitates. The last time the two of you had been together, he had lost control of his Evol. He remembers you trying to protect him from the rest of the NW team that had come in to sedate him, a weak powerless thing with your fragile body flung in front of his to protect him. “Speaking of, I never got a chance to thank you.”

You blink at him, surprise flickering in your eyes. “Thank me?” You sound genuinely stunned, as if trying to protect him was second nature instead of something to be thanked for. From the way that you’re reacting, he can guess that the incident isn’t even on your mind. “Why?”

Gavin decides to change his words. “For resolving the ‘Eternal Winter’ incident.” He says briskly, watching your expression closely. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but you did it. Your persistence paid off.”

You smile weakly at him. For the key factor in resolving the incident, you don’t look particularly joyful at the results you’ve achieved. In fact, now that he thinks about it, you barely mention the incident at all - he hasn’t heard any news of anyone claiming to have stopped the Eternal Winter. Everyone simply thinks that it happened to be a miracle, but the miracle is sitting in front of him right now on a park bench in the flesh.

“It was nothing. How about you? Did you get hurt during the mission?”

Back to him again. Your concern over a man you’ve barely met confuses him, but he can sense that it’s genuine. Gavin nods slowly. “It’s nothing serious.”

A smile - a real one this time, no matter how small - blossoms on your face like a blooming flower, gentle and sweet to look at. “As long as you’re safe.” Your smile is real, but it’s a flower decorated with thorns that stab you the tighter you hold on to it, you look like you’re hurting on the inside. “I’m really, really happy that you’re safe.”

“You don’t look happy.” The words fall from his mouth before he can stop them, but a slight scowl flits across your face and you puff up your cheeks slightly at him.

“That’s what my ‘happy’ face looks like, alright?”

That’s what is missing, Gavin realises as he watches you pout indignantly at him. Your indomitable fighting spirit in the face of all odds, how you had been so determined to carry on even when confronted with overwhelming obstacles and danger. After the Eternal Winter incident, you look weary and tired on the outside, but when he seeks a little more closely, that tiny spark in your eyes seem to have been lost.

“Well, Loveland is back to normal again.” Gavin says quietly, trying to reassure you. He doesn’t like the idea of you continuing on with that pained expression on your face, especially when he’s not going to be able to see you much from now on. “Everything will be okay, I’m sure of it.”

The second he says those words, your expression almost crumbles behind that thin facade of calm, fingers gripping the bracelet around your wrist tightly. That man again... just how precious is he to you?

“That person you wanted to find...” Gavin hesitates for a moment. “Did something happen?”

Anguish still lingers in your gaze, and you seem to almost curl up on yourself at his words. “No...” Your voice cracks slightly. Gavin frowns, takes a step forward. Something must have happened, for you to react that way. But whether to reassure, to comfort, he doesn’t know.

“I’m sorry we didn’t find the person you’re looking for.” He apologises sincerely. “But if you want to, we will continue to search-”

“No need.” Your words take him by surprise, and the rest of his sentence dies on his lips. You’re cradling the tiny bracelet with your hand, running your fingertips over the silver links with a pained smile, as if you’re trying to connect with that man’s touch through metal and steel. “I already found him.”

Gavin’s eyes widen, slightly surprised. You’ve already found him? “Then, why aren’t you with him-”

You look at him with a painfully tender smile, eyes sparkling with the barest hint of tears. “He’s...” You pause, struggling to find the words. “He’s not coming back anymore.”

Your words grow more and more choked, and Gavin can’t help but move forward to squeeze your shoulder with one hand. “I’m sorry.” He speaks softly, unsure of what else to say. But it seems to have been the right choice, because you look up at him and manage a smile, cracked and brittle at the edges.

“It’s not your fault.” Your breath leaves you in a shaky exhale. With a final forced laugh, you turn to face him. “I should probably... throw this away, shouldn’t I?”

Gavin blinks down at what’s clutched tightly in your hand. Delicate silver chain and golden gingko charm twisted between your fingers, chaining you to an unknown man whose presence has left your life.

Leave it and move on, Gavin wants to say, but for no reason the words are stuck in his throat, unwilling to leave. Don’t! A voice at the back of his mind suddenly screams, urgent and desperate. Don’t throw it, please, don’t... Distress almost tormenting sweeps through him without explanation, and he has to employ all his will to stop himself from shouting his refusal.

When Gavin had the bracelet on him, with the intention to return it to you, he had looked it over once or twice in moments of idleness. The unprofessional but careful lines that shaped the little charm had told him that it was clearly crafted by the hand of someone who wasn’t an artisan. The person who made it clearly must have put volumes of effort and care into this gift, but then why would he leave you all alone like this?

Gavin had run a search on the GPS tracker he had found embedded inside the bracelet. No results had matched it, as if the person had never existed.

A dead end. A hopeless case. And yet Gavin still can’t find the strength to tell you to throw it away.

Your fingers still on the bracelet, before a slight, resigned smile crosses your face. “He waited for me six years, though.” You say softly, more to yourself than to him as you look down at the little charm cradled in your palm before slipping it back onto your wrist. “I guess I can be a little patient.”

Relief floods him when he hears the ‘click’ of the clasp, and he tries to contain his expression. “You can do it.” He says, possibly the most gently he’s spoken in his entire life. You pause for a moment before you smile up at him, and the ache in his chest that he didn’t even know was there settles. “I know.”

With that, you rise to your feet, dusting off your pants lightly.

“Well then, Gavin. I’m sure I’ve already wasted quite a bit of your time.” You tell him, and he pauses, the words ‘don’t go’ lingering at the tip of his tongue, barely clinging on. He had almost spoken them out loud. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way, and it confuses him. “I should get going. Take care of yourself... and... well, I guess it’s good bye.”

“Wait.” He speaks before he knows what he’s saying, one hand reaching out to catch you by the elbow when you move to walk past him, away from him. “I’ll... see you again, won’t I?”

He doesn’t understand the fear that lurks deep in his belly at the thought of never seeing you again. It’s a foolish one, of course, he could easily track your movements with his connections in NW, and finding you would be a simple task. But still his fingers won’t seem to obey rationality, and his grip on you doesn’t loosen.

You look back at him, surprise crossing your features for a moment before you smile at him, warm and soothing as the first spring breeze that signals the end of winter.

“Of course.” Your voice is impossibly soft, and so, so tender. “We’ll definitely see each other again.”

ii. reunited

When you had said that the two of you would see each other again, neither of you had expected that it would be so soon.

From meeting in the VR game center, to participating in the game together, Gavin has to admit that it must have been a sheer stroke of coincidence, perhaps what others would call fate, that the two of you were brought together again. As he stands at the side of the piano room, watching you play the piano and guiding the younger image of himself along, he closes his eyes and basks in the powerful melody as if rises and falls.

“If only I had met someone like you back then, I wouldn’t be how I am now.”

The younger version of him says these words softly, and Gavin pauses, eyes blinking open to stare at the boy sitting next to you on the piano bench.Alarm rises in him when he catches the image of his younger self flicker slightly like a mirage, and he steps forward to pull you away from him.

“It’s dangerous, get away from him-” Gavin begins to say, but pauses when the boy utters the next few words, confusion lacing his voice.

“But... why can’t I read your memory?”

At his words, Gavin’s feet still where they are. Thoughts, unbidden and unchecked, run through his mind at the realisation - all the memories that had been constructed so far in the virtual world, they all had been his. By all means, the Evol should have affected you both, so why...

He turns to you, intending to pull you away from the unknown character before solving this question, but then you smile at the young Gavin sitting on the piano bench, seemingly undisturbed as you take his hand in yours gently.

“I’m afraid my memory is somewhere you won’t be able to follow.” Your voice is soft, secrets reflected in your eyes, hidden meanings in the words that fall from your lips. “But could you lend me your Evol just once... please? I want to take a walk down memory lane for one last time.”

That’s dangerous, Gavin wants to say, but the younger image of him stares at you for a moment before nodding. By instinct, Gavin believes that the man that wears the skin of his younger self will not hurt you. There’s no reason to it, but before he can rationalise it, the person he now knows to be an Evolver begins to speak again.

“People who live in constant denial will come to accept them as truths.” He says solemnly. “They need a voice to lead them out of the darkness... so thank you, mysterious lady.”

When the Evolver flickers and vanishes from sight, it’s just you left alone with him in a dark music room, the full moon shining outside the windows. Slightly confused at why he’s still there with you, Gavin takes a step forward towards you, a question forming on his lips.

Right before they can fall from his mouth, however, you turn back to the piano, put your fingers to keys, and begin to play.

A rich melody fills the air, ringing powerfully in his ears as your fingers strike every chord and note with ease, the music rising and falling like breathing, as if it’s alive. It swirls around him, lifting the senses, and with each new note that joins the harmony, the world begins to change and warp around you.

In a bright flash of colour, shapes and lines overlapping over each other, Gavin blinks once - and then you’re no longer in the piano room.

He has to blink a few more times to adjust to the light, by the brightness of the sun in the sky, it’s barely early afternoon. The two of you are standing on the sidewalk outside of a normal company building, blending in easily with the couples that are walking down along the street, hands held tightly. From the roses that some of them are clutching, Gavin surmises that it must be Valentine’s Day in Loveland City.

“Where are we?” Gavin turns to ask you. The afternoon light dances across your face, eyes soft and lips slightly parted, seemingly not hearing his question. He follows your gaze to a man standing beneath the shade of a tree, strangely out of place amongst all the couples wandering about and knows instantly from the sheer warmth in your eyes - this is the man you’ve been searching for the entire time.

His back is the only thing Gavin can see, dressed in a simple black jacket and jeans, but his build is athletic and strong, even from the distance. He appears to be waiting for someone, unhurried and patient, glancing once at the company building before turning back to check his phone. The immediate impression that Gavin gets of him is a firm, steadfast man.

One that would never have let you look like that on that park bench earlier.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” Gavin speaks quietly into air, as if afraid to disturb your serene memory. You nod slowly, a smile so tender spreading over your face that he feels like he’s intruding on something private.

“You’re right.” You say softly, eyes never leaving the man’s back once. “That’s him.”

The intensity in your eyes burn, a gentle, homely glow that he has only seen in the most lovestruck of people. Whoever this man is, you must love him very, very much.

“What’s his name?” Gavin asks, curiosity lingering in his throat. The question is meaningless, you’ve already found him so there’s no need for him to know, but he can’t help but want to know the name of the man who has you so enraptured, so captivated.

The corners of your lips lift ever so slightly into a sad smile, and you open your mouth to speak.

Just at that moment, the sliding doors of the company building open and a young office woman dressed in a blue and white dress stumbles out, clearly in a hurry. Pausing for a moment to adjust her heels, she raises her head to look at the solitary man under the tree, and Gavin watches as a bright, loving smile spreads across a familiar face.

Your face.

The ‘you’ before him doesn’t wear the weary, tired smile that he sees far too often on yours. Instead, it’s filled with innocent joy, pure and unadulterated, almost infectious. Your other self covers her mouth with one hand to stifle her giggles at the sight of the man’s, before she quietly tiptoes across the sidewalk to her prey. What she clearly doesn’t notice, however, is the way the man’s head tilts slightly at the sound of her shoes on the pavement. He already knows that she’s approaching, recognises her just from the rhythm of her footsteps.

The man before him is attuned to her, to you, every fibre and every sense of him.

Yet, he doesn’t turn his head back and chooses to remain still instead, scrolling through his phone leisurely. His other hand taps a slow rhythm on his thigh, amused.

The girl sneaks up behind him, moving forward to cover his eyes playfully with her hands. Before she can do so, however, the man spins around and grabs both her wrists before she can react. She stumbles, a little yelp that turns into happy laughter when he catches her by the waist instead, pulling her close effortlessly.

“His name...” you begin to say softly, startling him out of his daze. His eyes can’t help but be drawn to them, as if magnetic. The man lets out a softer laugh, shaking his head at the woman’s antics, but the sound is impossibly fond even to him.

And bizarrely familiar.

As if in a trance, he takes a step forward, an urge to see just what this man looks like clinging to his mind. The man in the black jacket sets the woman back down, voice firm and steady as he utters the words ‘I got you’ with all the sincerity the world can offer.

A promise. A vow. An oath to never leave your side.

The man turns around, face illuminated by golden sunlight to reveal a gentle smile and amber eyes that sparkle with happiness. Amber eyes that look just like his.

“His name,” you whisper, and every word that leaves your lips echoes in his ears like the sound of a gunshot, “is Gavin.”

[pagingevilspawn]

Loving You Is A Losing Game- chapter seven

i actually hate this, so ew. but i’ve forgotten that i write, so i’ll try to type some stuff up tomorrow! regardless, i hope everyone enjoys! click here to read on ao3. 

TW// domestic abuse

~*~

"small town boy in a big arcade. i got addicted to a losing game."

~*~

alexandra: you do realize how crazy that sounds right?

joseph: it's not crazy at all if you ask me.

alexandra: jo, asking for lollipops for your christmas present sounds very crazy to me.

and christmas isn't for like, a while.

joseph: dude, christmas is in two weeks and one day

and plus, i'm settling on lollipops. what i really want is a pony, a shiny, pretty one with rainbow hair, you know those? that's my dream right there

alexandra: oh crap really?

yeah yeah, ha ha. laughing so much right now.

joseph: hate to break it to you, but it's the 10th alex.

and i know, what a shame i wont be able to have my pony. it was at the top of my list this year

next to an ice cream sundae the size of manhattan, obviously.

alexandra: very funny. can't you tell how much i'm laughing.

crap, got to go, robbins is letting me in on an esophageal atresia on a newborn. i'm her favorite you know.

joseph: ugh, lucky.

make sure to kick ass and not kill anyone. that would suck. 

actually... your big head could use some ego deflating. make sure robbins has to save you halfway through. maybe then you'll earn some humility.  

alexandra: wow, you're such great help. so nice too.

joseph: you know it ;)

she turns off her phone, a small smile on her face as she looks out the window, passing by houses that all looked exactly alike; white exteriors with a bright green lawn. the only thing that could help someone tell them apart was the door colors. her and paul had just come back from a dinner with some of his coworkers, but he wasn't talking to her so she decided to text alex. the silence in the car was tense, though she was unable to grasp the reason why.

they'd been texting non-stop since the conference three weeks ago, talking about each other's days, complaining about annoying coworkers and classmates. they really enjoyed having a friend they could just talk to because they felt like it. it was refreshing. they'd never had anyone like that before. in the past they had friends that they felt comfortable around, but it was different when you had someone who understood you so well. not to mention, being able to make self deprecating jokes about their crappy childhoods and receive a laugh in response was so much nicer than the pity stares they were both so used to getting,

she snaps back to reality at the sound of the engine turning off, cutting the music as the expensive car door opens. she sees paul angrily walk out of the car, slamming the door behind him, not stopping by her side of the car to open the door for her like he normally did. (she was actually thankful for that. she was a grown women, she could open a damn door herself)

weird, she thinks, but decides not to question it. her husband had been a bit more moody and temperamental lately, so she supposed it was just that. but the dinner seemed to go really good in her opinion. she got along with his colleagues and paul certainly enjoyed himself, getting to be around all his coworkers and interact freely. she liked to think that his colleagues liked her as well. they complimented her all evening and included her in all of their conversations. though, she did wish that they would've referred to her by her name more, rather than 'mrs. stalder' or 'paul's wife.'

she gets out of the passenger side and shuts the door behind her, walking up to the steps after she hears that paul had locked the car. she places the small clutch she had on the entry table and walks to the kitchen, seeing paul sitting at the kitchen island, nothing in front of him except tea that he had heated up in the minute or so he'e been in there. she kisses his cheek and starts talking, knowing that it would probably help calm whatever he was feeling.

she gives him a smile, rubbing his shoulder affectionately. "it seemed like the dinner went really well, all of your coworkers are super nice and-"

"you talked to steven too much." he cuts her off, sending an icy glare her way, and look she had never seen on him before shining darkly in his eyes.

she cocks her head to the side, "huh?"

he stands up from his place abruptly, making her jump back slightly. "i said," he spits out, eyes narrowing as he stares her down "you talked to steven too much."

she lets out a loud laugh, thinking that he was just joking around and messing with her. at any second he was going to join her giggling, ignoring the way his eyes had only seemed to darken the second the sounds had escaped her mouth."oh, that's funny." she says in between laughs, eyes shining with childish glee. "jesus you really scared m-"

pain.

her words get cut off by a fist coming directly into contact with her face. she feels the stinging sensation burn from her eye to her cheek, her brown eyes watering with tears as she realizes what had just happened. she lifts a palm up to touch it protectively, almost making it seem like it was more real if she touched it.

oh god, it hurt. it hurt like hell. his gold wedding band adding to the impact was sure to leave a scar by the corner of her eye. she'd been punched before, multiple times actually by foster parents and girls while she was in high school, but this hurt so much more. it was so much harder than she'd ever been hit before.

her husband just hit her.

"oh brooke, baby." paul says, taking her into his arms and brushing her hair back immediately, trying to get her to relax into his embrace. "i just got so mad. you just made me so mad brooke. you can't make me mad like that" he tells her, eyes dripping with some kind of emotion she can't place as he places light kisses on top of her sea of brown curls, ignoring the way the way she stood stiffly in his arms, a few lone tears making it's way down her cheeks.  

"i love you. you know that brooke" he whispers, wiping the tears from her face, his hands feeling usually rough against her skin, his touch not easing over the bruise that hard already begun to form.

she nods. it was okay. he loved her. he didn't mean it. he just got angry. it was okay. it was fine. he loved her, it was okay.

she thought she probably deserved it. after all she'd cheated on her husband just three weeks before, and had continued to keep in contact with the man she had cheated with. it was only karma.  

"i'm sorry paul." she apologizes sincerely as he cups her face in his hands, giving her a sweet smile. it wasn't his fault. it was hers.  

"it just better not happen again." he states, eyes burning into hers intently, his grip on her face tightening without her even realizing it. all she really felt was numb, as if all of her senses had seemingly shut down to avoid dealing with the pain that was spreading throughout the side of her face.

she nods her head up and down as she pulls her back into him. "i'm sorry" she whispers into his chest.

he smiled.

and that's when he knew he had her.

____

alex finished scrubbing out of a surgery, shaking off the excess water on his hands, grinning internally. it was always so much better when he was able to help save a kid. the success was just that much more fulfilling. he's about to push the door open when it swings in itself, making him come face to face with cristina, the expression she was wearing was more worried looking than he'd seen in a long time. he'd known yang for a while know, and he knew whatever was about to come out of her mouth would be bad. cristina yang was never worried.

"what do you want yang?" he asks, noting how she had her hands crossed over her chest and was avoiding his gaze.

"there's a merger happening." she says, looking up to meet his eyes to let him know that she was serious.

his narrows his eyes, scrunching up his nose. "what?" he questions. a merger? as in, combing two hospitals into one?  

"you just missed the announcement. apparently we're merging with mercy west." the raven head repeats, a slight trace of fear in her voice, a very unusual thing for cristina yang.

he lets out a deep breath, tugging his scrub cap off and running a hand through his hair as he leans over the scrub sink, gripping it so tightly his knuckles begin to turn white. "i can't loose this job yang." he says to her softly, making her nod in agreement.

"you and me both." with that she walks out of the room, alex not far behind her, both of the surgeons heading up to the resident's lounge to change, which was filled to the brim with chatter, all of the doctors talking about the newest topic, the merger.

meredith sits down next to him, slipping a long sleeved purple shirt over her head when she casts a glance to alex, who was sitting still looking down at his phone's empty screen, seemingly deep in thought, almost as if he was waiting for something to magically appear on it.

the blonde nudges him, snapping him out of his trance. alex sighs, resting his elbows on his knees as he buries his head in his hands. "what am i gonna do about iz?" he asks her, judging by her face that she was drawing a blank, much like him.

jesus, this was great. these past few weeks he had hardy been able to look his wife in the eye, because every time he saw her he was reminded that he slept with someone else. not to mention, he was just texting that certain someone just a few hours ago. he was really screwed. izzie had currently been home on bedrest, not being allowed to return to work until two weeks from now, which apparently would also be when the mercy westers would turn up. fucking great. he felt as if the universe was rallying against him at this point, no matter how much he knew that wasn't possible. he dug his own grave, it was just a matter of time before he would need to lay in it.

"she'll be okay." meredith reassures him, but he can tell by the look on her face that she was unsure as well. who knew would end up getting cut? they would need to pull their heads out of their asses and prove that they deserved to stay. none of them could lose their spot. not only because of their job, but also because of the people there. they were a family. they couldn't lose any more of their family. they'd just lost george, and they couldn't lose another.

"evil spawn, put on a shirt!" cristina yells, balling up a shirt from his locker and throwing it at him, hitting him square in the chest as he glares at her. he pulls on the shirt silently and heads out, not bothering to say goodbye to anybody as he leaves the lounge and heads straight to joe's across the street.

he slides onto a barstool, ordering a beer and thanking the bartender with a slight nod of his head. how was he supposed to tell izzie about the merger? he knew that if his wife knew, she would want to return to work immediately, but he knew she couldn't do that. she was still getting her strength back, and standing around on her feet all day surely would delay the healing process. he couldn't risk her getting hurt because he wasn't able to stop her.

he'd done enough recently, even if izzie didn't know about most of it. the last thing he needed was to cause his wife more harm than he already had.

he was going to tell her, he knew that, just not right now. right now he was going to sit on this uncomfortable wooden bar stool and drink his beer and forget he had any problems. he was going to forget about the merger, he was going to forget about him and izzie going at it twenty-four seven, and he was definitely going to forget about the brunette with a fake name who seemed to be on his mind all the time.

he was just going to forget everything, his only focus being his beer and the football game on the small television above the bar. yeah, that sounded like a good idea. a really good idea.

____

okay, so he forgot about two out of those three things.

he was actually doing pretty good for a while, almost a full hour with nearly a beer and a half finished. all he had been focused on was the seahawks playing against the steelers, with the steelers crushing the seattle team thirty-four to seven. not much of a surprise though, he couldn't remember the last time he'd witnessed the seahawks win. it wasn't that they were a completely crap team, it was simply the fact that one; the steelers were much better this year, and two; he hardly ever got enough time to sit down and watch a game. being a resident drained the life out of him, especially since he had finally knew that he wanted to specialize in peds. when he wasn't at the hospital he was reading up new medical procedures in magazines, or occasionally sneaking over to meredith's to watch old ellis grey tapes.  

he was doing really... until he got a text message from jo.

joseph: how was your surgery?

alexandra: wow, you must be bored.

joseph: ...

what makes you say that?

alexandra: really?

joseph: i'm in med school, thank you very much. i have a severe interest in your surgeries. 

alexandra: mhm, sure.

joseph: fine, i'm bored. entertain me. please.

alexandra: that sounds vaguely dirty.

joseph: oh great. how drunk are you?

alexandra: what makes you say that?

haha, two can play that game.

joseph: i'm guessing two beers in?

alexandra: shut up, only one and a half.

joseph: mhm, wasn't too far off

but seriously. i'm bored and am in need of anything remotely interesting. you just scrubbed in on a super cool surgery, i want details

alexandra: fine, baby maria duboir, two weeks old, robbins let me lead the procedure about half way through, coded once, we then shocked her at 150, and now she is stable and in the NICU.

happy?

joseph: yes. very much so

although i do think your OR stories need work

you sound like you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about

alexandra

wow. you're a real delight you know that?

joseph: oh, believe me, i know. don't even get me started on how many times people have complimented how freaking amazing i am

it's quite a common occurrence.  

if i had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, i'd be living on my own private island

alexandra: i bet you would.

seriously though, tell me something. i've got nothing better to do than watch the seahawks get crushed.

joseph: i'm guessing that's sports talk, so i'm just gonna ignore that, since it hate any sport where men look like giant block of cheese, run around a court, or just run in general.

but today's been boring. went to a dinner tonight. fancy stuck-up rich people who laugh with posh accents and sip their champagne way too slowly

fucking turtles.

alexandra: sounds fun.

joseph: you suck. i can literally hear the sarcasm through the phone asshole

alexandra: that's the point. i'll take a sick kid over fancy dinner any day.

crap, that sounded really horrible didn't it?

joseph: it really did

"i'll take a sick kid over a fancy dinner any day" real charming if you ask me. night in shining amour.

alexandra

yeah yeah you know what i mean.

____

they're not sure how long they end up talking for, alex siting at joe's bar and jo lounging on the couch in her living room while her husband was in his study going over and grading tests for one of his classes. before either one of them even know it, it gets to be twelve thirty boston time and nine thirty in seattle. alex's texts had gotten much harder to read, which made sense, considering he was now on his third beer.

jo teased him about it though, finding it more enjoyable than she would've guessed to text a drunk alex than a sober one. he seemed to get increasingly flirtier the tipsier he got. not to mention, all the spelling mistakes he made was definitely one for the books. she had a feeling that it was getting a but harder for him to see which letters where which, considering a few b's were located where there should be d's, and 'm' where they should be an 'n'

alex knows for a fact he's earning many stares from fellow people at the bar because of how much he's laughing (loudly too), but he doesn't really care. if he's gonna laugh, he's gonna laugh. all he could really focus on was the fluorescent lights hanging from the bar's wood ceiling and the frankly hilarious texts coming through his phone. (okay, so they weren't that funny, but everything is always a lot more funny when you're drunk)

jo was thoroughly enjoying herself, laughing more and more as she sank into the couch, completely forgetting about the bruise on her left cheek as she typed away, grinning from ear to ear when the man on the other side responded, words misspelt and random numbers and semicolons popping up from time to time.

they knew that what they had done was wrong. they knew that what they were doing was wrong. but they couldn't stop.

if only they had stopped sooner.

[towerfandoms]

So this is based off of @hopoffmyschlong idea so thank you ✋😌 but I really liked @darkkidplaidopera idea about the fridge 😔 so if yall want a FRIDGE!reader x Khun (where reader is a fridge and khun has to carry her) then lemme know. 🥵🥵 N E WAYS LETS GO. This is also VERY loosely based off of karmas and nagisas fight in ass class here (yes I am using an ass class gif for a khun fic what about it 😌😌) *repost cuz first one did show up in tags*

“Do we reallyyyyyy have to do this, Khun” you whined, rubbing your arms shivering slightly. “It’s way too cold in here and I’m tired!”

Khun didn’t even give you a choice that morning. He just entered your room, grabbed your wrist dragging you out of bed and leaving you in a heap on the floor. Well to be fair to the blue turtle, he had asked nicely three times but you were too busy dreaming of being Nagisa in that gif (don’t lie 🙈)

“Come on, get up. We have to train now before everyone else wakes up.” You laid there on the floor, refusing to move after the rude intrusion. Seeing as you were making no effort to move, Khun sighed loudly in annoyance. In one swift motion he threw you over his shoulders ignoring your quiet protests and threats and carried you down to the icy cold training room.

“Stop making so much noise or I’ll drop you again” He whispered in a hushed tone when you two passed by everyone else’s room. At last admitting defeat, you went limp and let him carry you down fireman style. If you were being honest you’d prefer bridal style but it was still comforting to feel Khuns warmth. Unbeknownst to you he smiled slightly at your unusual obedience but when yous arrived at the training room he just had to let go suddenly and drop you on the floor. When questioned, “its to build stamina,” was all that was said.

Hence your current predicament.

“Of course we do! You may be good with a sword but you still haven’t mastered the basics of hand to hand combat.” he replied exasperated. He had explained everything on his way down but you were dead set on delaying this as much as you can. “We can stand around doing nothing for as long as you like but the rest of the team will be here soon. Do you really want them to see how terrible you are at this?”

He did have a point damn it. Gritting your teeth you meekly shook your head no.

Khun clapped his hand and gave you his signature smirk. “Excellent, just as I thought. Now get into place and when I say start, come at me. And remember-”

“I know, I know. No shinsu or anything. Just hand to hand”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, then countdown. Three, two-”

“ONE, GOOO!” You shouted, running at full speed towards him and startling him in the process.

Khun barely had time to dodge as you tried to swing at his head. He rolled to the side but unfortunately for him you suddenly had a burst of energy. Like hell you were gonna let this arrogant jerk make this much fun of you. You tried punching him again, still aiming for his head. You missed once again but continued your ruthless attacks nevertheless. You only stopped once Khun jumped back, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead.

“You didn’t even let me finish counting down” the blue haired man yelled.

“It’s the element of surprise, innit luv” you cheekily replied, poking you tongue at him.

“Oh for Gods sake!” He placed a hand on his head feigning a headache. Or maybe it was a real one, you were good at giving him those.

He stopped still and slowly looked up. He suddenly gave you an evil smile, sending shivers down your back. You knew what that look meant.... he was pissed off. You were in danger. And a lot of it.

“Ok, this time when I actually count to three, we’re gonna retry that. But word of advice, stop aiming for my head only. It leaves the rest of your body,,, defenceless”

Yup, today you were going to die. You quickly thanked god that the last thing you were gonna see was his handsome face and just as fast took up a fighting stance. You wanted a painless death so you didn’t want to risk pissing him off more-

“Three, two, one. BEGIN”

This time Khun was the one who ran at you but fortunately you were a bit faster so you managed to jump out of the way.

“I-I th-hah thought we were trai-hhh-ning” you panted, hands on your knees.

“The real world doesn’t adjust to your need... luv.” He began jumping towards you again, ready to attack.

That son of a bitch- how dare he use your words against you. He probabaly didn’t even know the reference. However you didn’t have time to ponder on Khuns appropriation of British culture as he narrowly missed your face. Thankfully you managed to block him just in time otherwise that would’ve left a bruise.

Guess there’s no choice but to attack back, you grimly thought to yourself.

You decided to use a different method. (Like deku) you realised you had legs and thought it was time you used them.

This time when Khun came at you again you held your arms up as if you were about to block. But at the last second you jumped and swung your leg, hitting him full force in the face sending him flying. You watched as Khun fell face first and laid in a crumpled heap on the ground, his back to you.

You regained your stance once again, expecting him to get up and finish you off once and for all. However Khun didn’t move but he was still breathing... luckily? He wasn’t gonna be happy when gets up anyways.

You slowly walked over to him. “Khun... ahhaa are you alright” you nervously laughed. When he didn’t respond you walked all the way over to him, standing above him.

“Khun- AGH” just as you were about to bend down to check on him when he pulled you down, crawling on top of you. He pinned your arms down, affectively trapping you. His blue eyes bore into yours causing you to squirm, shifting your gaze awkwardly.

“You haven’t got anything more to say hmmm?” He was grinning from ear to ear now, like the big bad wolf.

“Not really no...” you mumbled back, feeling your face heat up.

He leaned down closer, talking directly into your ear. “Honestly, I’m surprised how naive you are. Do you really think a single kick was really enough to knock me out.” He chuckled softly, his laughs directly in your ear. You could feel his breath on your neck sending shivers down your spine.

“Ahaahaha,, K-Khun. I-” you tripped over your words not able to form a coherent sentence. Hell you couldn’t even think properly. Not with Khun staring so intently into your eyes with that look. You turned your head to the side, trying to avert your gaze. However, as you did so your eyes fell on another blue head by the doorway.

“AHEM!” Ran cleared his throat loudly. He crossed his arms, clearly annoyed.

How long had he been standing there? you thought miserably to yourself.

“Ran?!” Khuns whole demeanour changed. He quickly clambered off then lent a hand down to you, helping you up. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh sorry I must’ve interrupted something,” the little brat did not look sorry. “Anyways, Rachel needed to talk to you AA but I suppose she’ll understand if you’re doing something....”

What happened to the Khuns to make them all so cold, you mentally shuddered inside your head. Luckily, as you were no longer under Khun you managed to compose yourself.

Khun sighed irritably.

“Ugh, what a pain that woman is. Why now for gods sake.”

“Hey, don’t blame the messenger. I’m just telling you what’s what.” And with that retort, Ran turned and left the training room with his hands in his pockets. Fortunately for you Ran could not care less about what was going on with you two so there was no need to worry about him telling the others.

“I suppose I better get going now too. Y/n, we can continue tomorrow. Besides,,, you probably wanna go get changed. You’re still in your pyjamas yknow.”

“And who’s fault is that.”

“Well maybe if you woke up when I asked nicely. Anyways, I’ll see you at breakfast. Bye bye for now.” He waved you off and left the training room

You watched his retreating figure, stifling a yawn. That man... he was the reason you were going to jail for 1st degree murder. Still you couldn’t deny you did enjoy that morning.

Looking at the clock you were brought back to your senses, remembering you had to be there for breakfast at 7. You had 10 minutes to change and wash up. And so you ran from the training room, your the tips of your ears still warm from the incident.

And scene guys, gals and nb pals 🥰🥰 anyways I hope this was to your liking cuz ngl I had sm fun writing this fic.

[irelise]

Fic “Behind the Scenes” - Alex Rider

Trying to dip my toes back into writing, so I thought I’d ramble about some fics I’ve already written! This started off as ranting about my title choice and how they’re usually Final Fantasy XIV songs I butcher in order to forcibly fit the fic, but it expanded into musings about things that didn’t make the cut into the final fic, and potential sequels/things that happen down the line.

Just doing Alex Rider fics for now since that’s my current active fandom, but drop me an ask if there are any fics you’re especially interested in from any fandom!

Starting off with: Time (2368 words, gen, Alex & Yassen focused) aka my untagged Inception-flavoured AU where the plot twist was that it was a dream all along That said, this title was probably one of the easiest to come up with and was obviously from the main theme of Inception, Time! Which is fantastic like the whole movie aaaa i love Inception AUs and this fic is probably the one I’m most likely to expand into longfic if I dredge up the motivation from somewhere. It would be a mission style fic, possibly a heist, where Alex and Yassen are seemingly working together in order to steal some valuable intel from another group. Of course, it’s all a dream! Through copious dream symbolism and mind fuckery the real mission was set up by MI6 for Alex to extract intel from Yassen, who by this point is steadily losing his grip on dreams and reality after months, possibly years, spent under sedation.

Yassen has a few tricks up his sleeve, though. He’s aware that he’s (probably) dreaming and he can see the fractures in Alex’s resolve after such a long time of being used and manipulated by MI6. It would only take a little nudge to get Alex to defect -- or, at the very least, to escape.

So while Alex is busy trying to extract information from Yassen, Yassen is trying to do the opposite: inception.

The rest below cut for length and also because they’re nsfw since most of my writing was for the kink meme! Warning for general fucked-upness and unhealthy relationships

at the end, on a dusty road  (8154 words, Yassen/Alex) aka the reputation sabotage fic, aka where’s part 3b?!

Title from Origa’s Polyushka Polye:

The wind scatters your brave songs Across the green field. Songs of the past, Leaving them alone with your glory, And right at the end, on a dusty road…

i just wanted something wistful and Russian about past soldiers and fading glory ok....... I came pretty close to titling the fic leaving them alone with your past glory but decided it didn’t make much sense out of context.

ANYWAY my first Yalex fic! Very much inspired by a hodgepodge of comments on Discord about how MI6 would react if they ever saw Yassen paying Alex visits in the middle of the night - “Could they be exchanging information?” “The whole night? Maybe the answer is something more obvious...”

ANYWAY the ending at the moment is pretty open - there’s two main ways I see it going:

1) Yassen comes back shortly afterwards, realises he had fucked up colossally, stays and helps Alex rebuild even though Alex (very justifiably) no longer trusts him. Very slow reconciliation and healing but ultimately happy ending.

2) aka the one where I broke Nanibun’s shipper heart over Discord: Alex and Yassen eventually reunite, but it isn’t until years later, when Alex is nearing middle age and Yassen has faded into obscurity. Alex managed to pick up the pieces of his life and even moved on properly from MI6, and now lives a fulfilling life. Married, 2.5 kids, white picket fence, the whole lot. So what if his marriage is more for partnership than for love? He’s content with the direction his life had taken and has strong ties to his community. He even managed to forgive Yassen, even though it took him a long time.

He and Yassen meet for the last time in a sunlit cafe in spring. Alex looks at Yassen and sees only a stranger with lines crinkling under his eyes.Yassen is getting old, he realizes. He thinks he should be happy that Yassen even had the chance to get old, but all he feels is relief that their paths had diverged. Alex is done with that life and he can never trust Yassen again. All that old passion had burned away to nothing, not even a flickering flame. Even though the initial parting had been painful, Alex had managed to find peace long ago, and he hopes Yassen will be able to do the same. But it's a distant, unemotional hope, the sort of hope you'd have for a distant acquaintance you haven't seen in years. The type of well wishes that are etiquette more than actual sentiment.

He's glad when their drinks are finished and Yassen melts away into the chattering springtime crowd, one final dangling chapter of his life closed at last.

.

...............or, 3) Alex throws himself into increasingly dangerous situations in an attempt to feel something and dies young.

(part 3b is coming someday i swear! it’s the alternate path where Yassen has second thoughts, tells Alex the truth, and doesn’t send the sex tape to MI6)

---

Lemniscate  (3562 words, Julia Rothman/Yassen) Not a whole lot to say about this one, except after I finished I realised it was really similar to another fic I previously wrote which also involved a young man desperate to reinvent himself completely being taken advantage of by his superior............ i have a Type

Title - I was jamming out to Locus while writing this which is a song all about an inability to escape from cycles - When fighting back right out of this system/Means falling back right into this space ; When falling back is better than simply/Falling back into pieces again  - but it was long and unwieldy so I thought about shortening it to Moebius but that was a bit overdone... In the end I settled with Lemniscate which is also an infinity symbol, Moebius-like shape. Mostly it’s a reference to how Yassen never quite breaks free of his “cycle” even though he’s with Scorpia now - he was Sharkovsky’s slave and bedwarmer and...now he plays basically the same role for Julia Rothman. (Just with a bit more murder and moral erosion!)

---

This probably needs a special content warning - major character death (gun suicide from the second Russian roulette scene), gore, necrophilia

closing the circle (3650 words, John Rider & Yassen) aka is it still a gen fic if there’s offscreen necrophilia?

This was originally written for a kink meme prompt for corpse mutilation + necrophilia but then the John and Yassen plot thread kind of took over and I never actually ended up writing the gory stuff oops since it was too out of place compared to the rest. So everything below can be considered not “canon” since the fic diverged so heavily from its original plan (which is why the section numbers skip around - I cut out Yassen’s bits). But if you’re curious, here’s the details for what I originally planned to happen to Yassen (well, his corpse) and the Sharkovsky family, copy-pasted straight from my notes and full of as much karma as I could stuff in:

Yassen’s death, Sharkovsky shoves his fingers in the bullet hole and spits on the body in disgust. Yassen regains consciousness halfway through this; he can feel what Sharkovsky is doing

Ivan comes running in, attracted by the sound of the gunshot. Sharkovsky tells him to do what he likes with the body as long as it’s disposed of in the end. Necrophilia scene? Afterwards Ivan disposes of the body by locking it in the cellar alone with the Dalmatian for a few days

Yassen starts getting his revenge. Ivan is the first to go when he comes to let the Dalmatian out – the Dalmatian savages him and tears out his throat before it’s finally shot. Yassen’s bones get buried along with the Dalmatian. Ivan’s body is kept in the cold storage room in the basement where they kept the old food taster’s body while they decide what to do with him.

Maya, Sharkovsky’s wife, is next. She passes away in the middle of the night. Sharkovsky wakes up next to a cooling corpse.

There are whispers that there is some sort of curse. One of the maids talk about finding blood on the carpet of Sharkovsky’s study. She’s the next to disappear. Some other workers stop turning up.

Finally it’s Sharkovsky’s turn. He dies of poison. The dacha burns down that same night.

A Scorpia agent was sent to tie up loose ends (Scorpia didn’t know Sharkovsky is already dead); Yassen kills him too. He has no loyalty to Scorpia and just wants to be left alone.

Hunter is sent to investigate. He and Yassen talk, in the end, Hunter invites Yassen to come with him, Yassen agrees. But when they leave the dacha and Hunter looks back, he finds that Yassen is gone.

And an excerpt:

Yassen is dead. He does not remember dying. There are some things the human mind tries to shield itself from, and the memory of a bullet traveling through bone and brain to erupt on the other side in a shower of gore is one of those things.

Yassen is dead. He had hoped death would mean oblivion. At his most naïve and optimistic, he had hoped death would mean reunion. Happiness. A return to simpler days.

He discovers, instead, that death is not so different from life, except he is even more powerless now than before.

There is a body on the floor of Sharkovsky’s study. Its hair had once been pale white-blond, but now it is matted with coagulating blood. That same blood spreads in a dark pool against the carpet, clotting the fibres together into ugly clumps, stiff and flaking. The fire in the hearth is still burning sullenly. Its light glistens against the grotesque strands of viscera splattered against the ground, the furniture, the wall. A round hole had been punched into the side of the corpse’s head, piercing bone and brain. That was how the man who had once been Yassen Gregorovich had killed himself. The fingers of the corpse remain loosely curled around the old-fashioned revolver that had been the instrument of death.

The only living person in the room rises slowly from his wheelchair. Sharkovsky’s skeletal face is twisted into an ugly grimace of anger. He totters over to the corpse, nudging it with the tip of one polished leather shoe. “Waste of time,” he says coldly. “Ruining a perfectly good carpet, and for what?”

In a sudden fit of temper, he lashes out with a kick. Once, it would have been strong enough to break several ribs (Yassen knows from intimate experience). Now, the corpse merely flops limply to one side. It incenses Sharkovsky further. He drops heavily to his knees, breathing harshly, and backhands the corpse across the face with one shaking hand.

[colorfullfalls]

Appreciated

Summary: An American assistant catches Kylo Ren's eye at a United Nations conference.

Kylo Ren did not appreciate Earth. The people were unaware of his power, of the First Order's power. He was undoubtedly taking over Earth whether it was liked or not. He didn't care. He was free to do what he pleased without anyone to stop him. The UN gathered to discuss the issue of what to do, if war was even an option. Kylo Ren was amused by Earth's citizens for thinking they had a choice. Even if there was a war, the First Order would dominate within hours. His light saber would kill any of these fool within seconds. The conference was held in the United States, tense anxiety looming over each member like a cloud. Kylo smirked at the intimidation of his starkiller hovering in the sky. One wrong move and he would wreak havoc.

His knights surrounded him as he walked through the streets earlier that day taking in the new scenes of the world that would soon be theirs. Women moved their babies away from the crew, men hesitated to keep walking, and kids pointed and whispered in awe. Attention that was not completely negative was foreign to him. Other world's would scream in fear and hatred as soon as their ships landed. But at the same time, Earth was so very unaware how things go when it came to him.

Washington D.C was busy as people filed into the House Chambers for the primal meeting. Kylo pushed past a few representatives of Spain as he walked in, his build larger than anyone else's. He rolled his eyes. This was all unnecessary to him, but he let them have their fun. Tomorrow he would take what was his. What was owed to him for his shitty upcoming with Luke.

He leaned against the back wall as the meeting began. Everyone in the room was dressed in suits or pant suits or even dresses. Clothes here were much different than he was customed to. Listening was no priority of his because this damn gathering was equal to a child's birthday celebration in his eyes. Meaning that nothing was going to be accomplished.

You slipped in beside him holding five coffees on a tray. You glanced at the beast beside her but kept going. You could not afford to deliver cold coffees during such a crisis. Your job depended on it. American representatives took the coffees wand practically shooed you away without a single thank you. Shoulders sagging, you went to walk back out to grab their sandwiches.

Kylo watched the encounter with confusion. They took the coffees without even looking at you, and you were somehow okay with it? His people served him but that's because he was in charge. He didn't say thank you, didn't need to. But these low lives? What possible status could they have? One among hundreds at a meeting. Earth was odd because it was divided, different leaders ruling different areas. In his eyes it made Earth weak.

You were breathtakingly beautiful. Short hair framed your face, cascading to rest right about the shoulders. You looked unbelievably kind with your soft smile even though you just got treated like scum. You looked like a woman who should be Queen of a prosperous planet, not an unappreciated assistant of sorts.

"Come here." Kylo's voice caught not only your attention, but also the people's around you. Your eyes adverted to him, ghostly pointing a finger at yourself in confusion.

"M-me?"

"Yes, you, come."

You sheepishly trudged over, terrified that the Supreme Leader would kill you. His hair fell over some of his face as he looked expectantly down at you. You went to kneel in front of him but his gloved hand grabbed your bicep.

"State your position."

"Assistant, sir."

He clicked his tongue in amusement at you calling him sir. Such a beauty in a shitty place. Your voice was soft and unsure. It made his hard exterior slightly melt away. His mother once told him when he was a young boy that you only truly fall in love once. That your soul only binds completely with another one single time. Woman usually were not that desirable to him. He would have sex with them but he never cared about them. He was already interested in you.

"Seems beneath you. Follow me."

You swallowed heavily at the order, but before you could protest his knights were crowding behind you. A silent demand that you comply to their leader's wish. You sighed. Today was simply not your day. A black ship was parked outside in the yard, white armored Storm Troopers surrounding it. They stared at you earlier when you had walked past to deliver coffee. Not friendly folks, you presumed. Kylo waved his two fingers and his guard dogs shifted, allowing a clear path to the entrance ramp.

Kylo walked in first and turned around, leaning against the wall. Apparently that was his usual. Yet again his fingers moved to signal his knights away. They nodded their heads and in synch left down the ramp to guard themselves. His dark hair flowed slightly against the light breeze.

"Earth is a pitiful thing." He declared, "Technology is far behind other planets, no alien species habitat the area, and the people here? They are senseless. My troops could destroy this place."

You sighed, "I am not a leader. I cannot discuss terms with you. Leaders are in the room you just took me out of."

He rolled his eyes at your lack of understanding. He wanted you to understand that he was tolerating Earth for the day, but he wanted to more than tolerate you.

"I do not wish to discuss terms with you." Your eyes snapped to his. You had been in many situations where you had zero power. You were to listen and do what was told because the people you work for are above you. In charge. While you work your ass off and still are struggling to announce yourself as a successful woman. Again, Kylo Ren was way way way above you on terms of authority. Being an assistant woman on Earth is no comparison to the handsome and aggressive man before you.

"Why then...?"

"Why what? Say it." His voice was demanding and goosebumps traveled down your arms and surely to your legs too.

"Why did you bring me here? Oh no.. am I going to die to set an example? Of course this is the karma for not picking up that Hitchhiker the other day. Paranoia is what gets me killed... Mom would be proud." You rambled to yourself, hands running down your face in frustration.

Kylo shook his head no, not liking that you assumed the worst of him, "I am not killing you. Tell me your name."

"Y/N."

He hummed in appreciation of your name, never hearing it before. It somehow suited you perfectly. He nodded, "I'm Kylo."

You nervously barked out a laugh, "Yes. Kylo Ren. I am aware of that, infact the whole world is. Did I do something to disrespect you earlier?"

"You were disrespected."

This took you by surprise. The lethal Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, Han and Leia's only heir was pressed at how you were treated by your asshole bosses. Being a moderately pretty woman gained you attention from time to time, but catching his eye was beyond you. Unknown to you Kylo was reading your mind. It was easy to slip into.

Kylo was stunned that you referred to yourself as moderately pretty. In his eyes you were the most beautiful being his brown eyes landed on. Maybe it was his Mother's tale about soulmates that was getting to him. He considered this very carefully. He did know you or your soul, but could the force be giving him a hint that you would be his one life partner? Either way he was not letting you rot here.

"Not really. It comes with the job because that's how things work around here." You retorted, glancing outside to see people looking in at you. An elderly man stood on the skirts of the lawn, worrying that you were in harm's way. You offered a wave followed by a thumbs up and it was enough because he continued on.

"Do you think you deserve to be treated as such?"

"I'm a hard worker but so are millions of people who get the short end of the stick."

Kylo rolled his eyes and pointed outside, "Blowing this place up may be considered a favor. This is the supposed greatest country's capital and there are homeless here."

"Anyone can be poor anywhere. Earth has it's flaws, sir, but I can assure you that there is good here." You crossed your arms in a defying manner. This was your home.

"Good and bad are not definite, both coexist in a complicated manner. Whoever disagrees is an imbecile." He snarled, hand hitting the wall in anger. Both at you defending Earth and for not listening to him.

How could you defend a planet that was full of selfish pricks who were living lavishly with billions of dollars while more poor swarmed the streets than flies. Kylo took care of his people once they were under his rule. The First Order elegantly supported struggling citizens according to need. Earth seemed like a waste of his time. It only infuriated him at how poorly it was doing.

"What do you want from me?" You quietly asked. Escaping was impossible. Troops surrounded the ship and Kylo Ren was said to be stubborn.

"Power comes with loneliness, Y/N. Consulting with my officers leaves me in a position to be weak. Being weak revolts me. As beautiful as you may be, you are weak."

You scoffed in disbelief, "Excuse me?"

His body moved to surrounded yours like a lion going after a gazelle. His body pinned you, hands rested close to your head against the solid black wall, "You are weak. You take shit from worthless money makers with no true value. Earth raised you this way. But I am here to change that. You will be more."

"More?"

"Yes. We can help one another. For you, I will give you power. No longer will those beneath you take you for granite." His voice was stern like he had all the answers in a tiny book that only he had access to.

"Yeah? What about you, Supreme Leader?"

"Glad you asked. I need someone to confide in without the risk of being overthrown. The force within me senses trust and loyalty. Simply words are what I require from you."

Compromises rarely proved helpful in your case. Set backs always trailed along with them like a loose string on an old sweater. Untangled until nothing but scraps were left. Kylo Ren was a snake. A successful murderer who worked for his cause alone. But what did you have to lose at this point? Your family shut you out after you moved away, you were really too busy for friends, and certainly busy enough to not have a significant other. Leaving Earth behind did not sound that bad. Not when what was offered was appreciation in turn for treating a someone like a decent human being.

"Okay. On one condition."

Kylo's head leaned down so that he was looking into your eyes, "Go on."

"Protect Earth instead of destroying it. I'm not dumb, this place has shitty people but there are simple pleasures that I want maintained. Old tribes, trains, caramel candy, the cultures, high school baseball games, fireworks, cows in pastures, and dogs. Dogs are so very sweet and we don't deserve them. Just please..."

Kylo leaned away from you, crossing his strong arms over his chest. Your eyes tried to look as pleading as possible. He didn't want to give in. Earth was pretty annoying and it being wiped out of the sky would please him to an outrageous extent. But the way you were asking so nicely with every ounce of his heart, he contemplated it. Not to mention that it meant he would finally have someone to talk real conversations with.

"Deal."

[wildshub]

WHO: The Fearless Fifteen WHAT: Jillian’s death and subsequent burial was grueling. Nothing like a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ between the castaways to help distract themselves from the trauma. WHEN: Day 2 NOTE: Just posting for record again and so it’s easier to refer back to.

Joss Joss was fiddling around with the miniatures, amused by the adorable size. She looked around the group and wondered how they planned on rationing the limited volume of alcohol they had. Maybe some girls didn't drink, that would help. Regardless, there was barely enough for one girl, let alone all of them and they would have to come to some sort of agreement about how they shared the drinks. "I don't know if this is enough to get anybody buzzed but we can make a couple of Jack and cokes, at least," she offered.

Shane shane looked over at joss when she made her suggestion. while she did agree that it wasn't nearly enough to get a good buzz, she didn't think wasting drinks with it would be too smart considering they didn't have anything else. "i dunno, wasting cokes when we don't have water doesn't seem like a good idea," she spoke up. "maybe we do some dumb drinking game or something?" not that three mini bottles would do much of anything that way, at least it could be fun? maybe?

Jenny If they were at home, it would have been a no to drinking games from Jenny. Not that they didn't drink, just that they didn't like to be out of control. Especially after the last year. But they were on an island in the middle of fucking nowhere, everything was already pretty god damn out of control. "What, like bullshit or something?" they looked to the stack of cards that had washed up, they were waterlogged from their time in the ocean, probably past the point of it being worth trying to play any game with them. "Though those cards are looking proper fucking sad at the moment."

Joss Jocelyn made a face at the mention of wasting the extremely limited number of coca cola cans they had left. While she was fairly certain that the rescue team would arrive before they came close to getting down to the last of their rations, Shane had made a good point. "Yeah, true," she conceded, picking up one of the cans, and wrapping her palms around it, "It's warm anyway," she added before putting it down. She brightened up a little at the idea of a drinking game or anything to pass the time for that matter. "I'm in," she confirmed with a growing smile. She got up on her knees and lazily reached for the pack of cards, dispensing them into her hand and wrinkling her nose at the state of them, "Yeah, might be a day before these are worth anything- they're still damp hey,"

Cora She didn't talk much with the other girls, letting them chat. She'd grabbed her sketchbook and pencil case from among the pile of things that had washed up. Nothing useful of course, but a comfort nonetheless. The sketchbook was mostly dry now, thank god, and the pencils had mostly survived. She wasn't really paying attention, sketching the scene in front of her loosely. The talk of a drinking game made her look up, glancing at the tiny bottles they had. Not really much for a group this size.

Cherry “Card games? Are we thirty?” It’s true that the group had already come to terms with the fact that using the damaged cards were a no-go, but cherry couldn’t help but slide one more comment into the mix. Which likely had more to do with her being terrible at bullshit than anything else. Dark brown hues were eyeing the tiny bottles in Joss’ hands, at this point she didn’t care what the reason for them consuming the liquid was, just as long as she was able to take a shot.   “What about,” reaching over, she grabs a mini bottle of Jameson from Joss’ hands and as much as she’d love to down the entire thing that second, she instead tilts it upward as if she were presenting it, “Never have I ever? Or is someone going to suggest Bingo next.”

Joss Though it was probably unwise to side with Cherry, given Jocelyn’s current reputation, she couldn’t help but laugh at the other girl’s ribbing. She smiled delicately at the suggestion, she had fond memories of playing with her friends on Saturday nights, though those friends had since decided she was a backstabbing slut, unworthy of their time. She tried not to think about it and put the remaining bottles down in the sand instead, “I’m keen,” she announced, “Fair sure one of you almost caught me squatting behind a tree earlier this arvo so we’re gonna get to know each other one way or another,” she reasoned with a shrug of her shoulders.

Jenny No offence to these girls, but if they hadn't been what they had been through the last 48 hours, Never Have I Ever would sound like a fucking nightmare. Jenny hated games like that, why did you have to get to know each other, why not just drink. But, they didn't have a better suggestion, and none of these girls knew them well enough to really put them in an uncomfortable position the way someone from home might be able to. "Sure," they agreed easily, despite their reservations on the game. "Who starts?"

Shane the idea of opening up did not seem appealing, but it would be nice to have something to focus on other than their fucked up situation. they were all probably going to lose it if they don’t get some distractions soon. instead of waiting for everyone to decide who to go first, shane just went for it. “never have i ever misspelled the word ‘help.’” she said right off the bat, looking across at jocelyn. if she wanted to steal her idea, the least shane could do was tease her for it.

Reyna keeping mostly to herself, reyna couldn't help it as she snorted at shane's comment. she glanced over to jocelyn for a moment before going back to prodding at the ground. not very productive, but with little interest in getting to know the girls she couldn't think of how else to get rid of her nervous energy.

Joss Before Shane had even officially conclude, Jocelyn’s jaw popped open, realising immediately that she was the target of the first round. “Oh, get fucked Shane,” she scolded playfully, though she couldn’t help but laugh as she grabbed for the nearest miniature, cracking it open and raising it in a toast to the other girls.  She took a sip, wary of the limited supply, “Righto- never have I ever gotten into a fist fight,” she offered, glancing around the circle as she re-sealed the bottle and tossed it back into the pile. She had her suspicions when it came to which girls were and weren’t inclined to a brawl but she thought it interesting to find out for sure now.

Shane as joss reacted to getting targeted, she just smiled cheekily, trying to not laugh at as she took her drink. it was all in good fun anyways. but as joss went, shane raised her eyebrows before taking one of the bottles and taking a sip of her own. shane had been in many of fights in her day. with her short temper, it wasn’t hard. tossing the bottle in the sand, she looked around at who else had been in a fight.

Jenny The first Never Have I Ever earned a small smirk from Jenny, but they kept their mouth shut just to prevent karma coming back in the form of a sentence targeted at them. Then the second one, it wasn't targeted (thank god) but they did have to drink to it. After Shane, they leaned forward to pluck a bottle themselves. Taking a sip, before tossing it back in the pile and resuming their position of arms wrapped around legs. They hadn't been in many fist fights, and they had lost all of them, but they presumed that still counted.

Cora She smirked at the first one, not looking up as she heard Wesley crack open the alcohol. But the second one caught her attention. She leant over, taking the bottle from Jenny and taking a sip. "Does it count as a fight if it was one sided?" she asked, despite already drinking. It wasn't exactly a fight as much as a single punch, but Cora counted it anyway. She didn't really regret it.

Reyna reyna didn't really have to think about it as she took a sip - and it would probably come as no surprise. granted it was only a recent development in her life. her old self would have never incited anything. "no, i'm pretty sure that's just regular assault."

Cora She shrugged, putting her sketch book down. "He deserved it anyway." Ruined the little amount of good she had going. Got her in a shit ton of trouble. And he faced nothing. Typical.

Divya Divya stared in shock at the girls who had gotten into fights. More than she expected to be honest. She assumed Shane because well, she'd seen her rage over the unsuccessful fire. But everyone else she could not call. Though, maybe Cora. "Alright then, Fight Club, good to know." She chuckled before coming up with her question. She hasn't played this game an awful amount and definitely not much as of the recent years since her life was flooded with school. Her question may have been one everyone would groan and be upset at but she simply had to try anyway. "Alright," she started, cheeky smile on her lips. "Never ever have I drunk alcohol."

Shane shane scanned the girls, a little surprised by some of those who drank. she expected most of them to be soft and not the type to fight. just goes to show her how little she knew about everyone she was now stuck with. at divya’s turn, shane groaned. “that’s not fair.” but as a good sport, she took one of the bottles again and took another sip. “that just means we need to get you to drink,” she said with a chuckle before tossing the bottle back into the center.

Joss Joss was among those who were shocked by the response to her question. Alright, so she was stranded with a bunch of brawlers. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? On the one hand, they knew how to defend themselves, on the other, Jocelyn was more likely to get her ass kicked for saying the wrong thing. It was swings and roundabouts she supposed, like the situation at large. She rolled her eyes at Divya’s question though the smile remained on her face, “Such a cop out,” she teased as she took another sip, without realising she’d picked up a different bottle altogether this time.

Jenny To be honest, the amount of brawlers was less than Jenny had expected. They assumed that was gonna be an easy one that most people had to drink to, maybe just the good two shoes left behind but apparently not. Or maybe everyone else had much higher standards for what counted as a fist fight. But regardless, they then had to drink again because of Divya's suggestion. They gave a roll of their eyes, though smirk tugged at their lips while they took a little bottle from someone beside them and sipped. "I've got one for Divya," they announced looking to her, once it seemed everyone who needed to drink had done so. "Never have I ever planned to use a game of UNO as an icebreaker slash get to know you game." they teased with a grin, holding the bottle across the circle for her to take.

Divya Divya's mouth hung open at Jenny's targeted attack. The betrayal. "Oh c'monnn." She laughed whilst shaking her head, feeling her cheeks go warm. "Fine." She reached over to take the miniature bottle from Jenny. "But I stand by it, you know," she announced to the circle as she unscrewed the bottle. "UNO yeah? Great icebreaker. Who doesn't love a good game of UNO?" Though the smile on her face turned into a grimace once she'd gotten a whiff of... Jameson? Whatever was in the small green one. "Oh, that- that doesn't smell nice. Is it supposed to hurt your nose like that?" She shook her head a little before being a good sport and taking her very first sip of alcohol. Quite a moment to be having in front of a group of girls she didn't know well. "Ugh." Her face was twisted up and she shook her head again. "Oh that's horrible, why do people like that?" She coughed a tiny bit before screwing the cap back on and returning it to the middle with the other miniatures.

Joss Joss couldn't help the smile that split her lips when Jenny spoke up. It was nice to see that she wasn't the only one being targeted. Actually, the whole affair was kind of nice. Just a bunch of girls, hanging around, talking shit, taking jabs at each other and complaining about bad tasting alcohol. For the first time since Jocelyn had left Melbourne airport, she actually did feel like she was on a retreat. She chuckled at Divya's response to the Jameson, "The more you drink, the better it tastes," she advised, "Actually- wrong. The more you drink, the less of a fuck you give about how it tastes," she corrected herself with a smile.

Cora "Plus, if you breathe out through your mouth straight after drinking you won't taste it as much," Cora said without thinking. It was a neat trick to be sure, one she'd learnt not too long ago sneaking spirits from her aunt's supply or buying cheap crap from the bottle-o once she turned eighteen. But sharing it suddenly felt out of character for her. Luckily, a light blush never tended to show much on her skin, especially in the dark. To distract attention, she decided to go next. "Never have I ever left my home country. Before this trip."

Shane "definitely don't drink it for the taste, you drink it to numb everything," shane said without thinking about how that could be taken, probably revealing too much to a bunch of girls she didn't know. the last thing she wanted was to have everyone thinking she was some alcoholic at eighteen or have them digging to find out what else was wrong with her. but thankfully, cora was up with the next round. she reached forward to take a different bottle and take yet another sip before putting it back down. "you know, if these were real bottles, i'd be drunk by the end of this game," she commented to no one in particular.

Divya Divya chuckled at Joss’s advice even if she was still trying to rid her mouth of the horrid aftertaste. At Cora’s tip, she tried to do as such: breathing out of her mouth. She couldn’t really tell if it made a difference, not that it mattered much considering Cora’s next Never Have I ever. Oh no. She groaned a little before reaching for the pile again and taking one of the bottles. This time, the liquid inside was clear. Hopefully it tasted less horrible than the green one. After a little sip and another small cough, she decided this too tasted horrible but didn’t linger as much as the other. “Numb everything?” She asked Shane before wiping the back of her mouth on her sleeve. She screwed the tiny cap back on the bottle and tossed it back in the pile. “Also, is this seriously the first time you’ve been out of Australia?" She looked to Cora now. "God, you must never want to leave when you get back if that’s the case.” What terrible luck, Divya thought.

Joss Shane’s reasoning didn’t register as strange to Jocelyn, in fact, if she hadn’t been so surprised by Cora’s know-how, she might have even agreed with the other girl. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d skulled a colourful assortment of vodka Cruisers just for the fun of it, rather than to get out of her own head for a while. She picked up one of the bottles and took a sip, keeping an eye on the rest of the group. The fact that some of them hadn’t traveled much before said a lot to Jocelyn and she was starting to sympathise a little more with Cora than she had previously. She’d even drop the cruel nicknames, she decided. “Never have I ever gone on a feminist retreat with a bunch of rando girls before,” she suggested, then a moment later she laughed, “Wait- does this still count as a retreat since we’re all kinda bonding?”

Jenny They couldn't help the dumb grin that pulled up their features as they managed to single Divya out. Chuckling a little at the ensuing reaction to alcohol and helpful tips from the rest of the girls. Weird to think that if they had actually made it to the resort they likely would have rolled their eyes and sat it out without a second thought. And here they were, having fun. Cora's Never Have I Ever allowed Jenny to sit out another round. Not only had they never left their home country before this trip, they could count the amount of times they'd left their home state on one hand. However, that wasn't information they were about to offer up. They couldn't help the small snort that escaped them when Joss spoke up again. Arms still wrapped around their legs they quickly offered the next one "Never have I ever referred to surviving a literal plane crash as bonding," they joked. Another targeted one for Joss but she made it a little too easy.

Reyna reyna glared at the bottles, staying silent for most of the conversation. she wished they had more to drink, that way she might actually he able to stomach spending time with these girls. instead, she lay back and closed her eyes. but the last comment made her sit up again. "she has a point." hating to stick up for joss however she had to add, "a stupid point, but it's true. we're bonding. i wouldn't volunteer to talk to any of you normally." her eyes roamed her companions until she caught divya's eye. "maybe you." she meant it as a joke, but her dry tone did her no favours.

Joss "Yeah, yeah, get over it- I obviously didn't mean the plane part, dick heads," she defended herself with a laugh and a roll of her eyes. When Reyna spoke up, she was admittedly surprise that Divya had been the one that Reyna picked. Actually, she was surprised she'd picked anybody at all. "Poor Divya," she teased Divya at Reyna's expense, jumping on the opportunity to get one back at the other girl. Then Joss took a moment to observe the other girls, one by one with Reyna's comment in mind. Shane was the kind of girl she'd purposely trip over on the soccer pitch and then pretend to be so sorry about it as soon as the other girl fell. Cora was the kind of girl she and her friends made fun of on the train and yelled at when they walked past in uniform in the Melbourne Central food court. Jenny was an odd ball, she imagined her friends making up some sort of rumor about Jenny, about how they collected other girls hair from their desks, and stuffed it into their blazer pocket on the way out of class. Cherry was the type of girl she wanted desperately to impress. She was kind of a cunt, she wasn't making things any easier for the other girls and still, Joss wanted her approval so bloody badly, it was tragic. Cloggy spoke for herself.

Shane shane just shrugged when divya tried to push more, not wanting to reveal too much about her personal life to a bunch of girls she didn't even know. thankfully everyone moved on, shooting a pointed attack at joss, shane couldn't help but smile to herself. it was nice to see someone who thought they sat on a pedestal above everyone else get knocked down a few pegs. joss was defnietly one of the girls shane would have gotten into a fight with back home and since she's never been in a fist fight, shane probably would have won. reyna was right though, she probably wouldn't have talked to any of them in real life. maybe jenny if they would have crossed paths on the subway or something. but even then, they lived in the same city and never crossed paths before now. "not gonna lie, i probably would have ignored most of you if we actually made it to the retreat." maybe not everyone, but most.

Divya Divya had to agree with Joss: they were bonding, in a strange way. It may have not been at the retreat or during the luau dinner the itinerary said they'd be having but it was still bonding. Sort of. They were talking, making playful jabs at each other, and playing a game. That was bonding, right? Both Reyna and Shane's honesty about ignoring most if not all of them had they made it to the retreat had Divya's mouth falling open. "Wait," she said to the group, holding her hands out. Perhaps the 2 sips she took was already taking some kind of effect on her because she was rather comfortable making that bold gesture. "So does that mean if I asked you all to play a round of UNO at the retreat, you lot would have pied me off?" Because that was clearly the most important thing for her to know at the moment.

Reyna she couldn't think of anything worse than sitting somewhere made for human habitation and playing a game of UNO. it didn't even sound better than this. weirdly, she was glad that they were sitting peacefully and not lord-of-the-fliesing each other. although she'd keep an eye in shane just in case, she seemed most likely to turn first. "never have i ever felt genuine joy at the thought of a game of UNO."

Divya Divya let her hands fall to her lap and rolled her eyes at Reyna's Never Have I Ever. "Oh c'mon, man." She shook her head before reaching over to take one of the miniatures. "I'm starting you all have just never played a good game of UNO. It's so fun." At this point, she was sure of she was trying to convince the circle or herself. Nevertheless, she took a tiny swig of the bottle. This one was the same green one she had the first go around and it tasted just as bad as when she first had it. She tried Cora's tip to help alleviate the burn but she was starting to think she wasn't doing it right because it didn't help her at all. She screwed the cap back on the bottle and tossed it back in the pile. "Okay, never have I ever... pissed my pants," she finished. "There you go. Notice how I'm not having a go at anyone with that." She gave Reyna a playful shake of her head before laughing a little.

Joss There was no reason for Jocelyn to drink at the mention of UNO. When she thought of UNO she thought of beach houses without wi-fi or school camps but never of genuine joy. She simply shook her head with a laugh as Divya continued to defend the card game, "-are you getting commission for selling us on it or something?" she teased, though it was starting to sound like the girl did have a stake in UNO, other than here mere pride. At Divya's follow up, Jocelyn straightened her posture, attempting to look dignified in an otherwise fairly undignified situation. Without a word, she picked up a bottle and took it to her lips, disguising a coy smile as she took a sip.

Reyna reyna was hoping to have an excuse to drink. she was even debating fabricating a story all about how she had wet herself once - did being a literal baby count? but her eyes narrowed on joss and she snorted, leaning back on the palms of her hands. "this has got to be good. what's the story, blondie?"

Shane shane couldn't help but laugh at how intense divya felt about UNO. she herself was never a big fan of games like that so she didn't need to take a drink this time. but once the next round came, shane reached for a bottle, only to see joss taking one for herself. her eyebrow raised as they both took a drink. "not something i'd expect from someone like you," she teased the blonde.

Joss Joss couldn't help but laugh at the attention her response had garnered but instead of offering something witty in response while the alcohol was still searing her esophagus, she just held her middle finger up, offering it to Reyna and then to Shane. "Someone like me, hey? Honestly not sure I even wanna know what that means," she mused, though she absolutely wanted to know what it meant and with the addition of more alcohol in her system, she'd likely end up prying for a decent answer. She chuckled and shrugged her shoulders, "Look, it's really not that exciting," she primed, "I mean, unless you're into that sorta thing, I mean, I won't judge you too harshly," she added, the comment directed at Reyna as a smirk grew on her face. "So, one time I wet my pants at school- then I purposely knocked over the fish bowl in my classroom and blamed it on that- I was like five or six," she confessed, "Then...I wet my pants laughing at the Westfield, bought new jeans and left my old wee jeans in a change room," she felt worse about the poor bastard that had found the jeans than she did about the fish, "- then a little bit laughing in a sleeping bag I was sharing with a mate on school camp, drunk at a pajama party because my friend tied her PJ shorts too tight and couldn't get out of them- maybe I just have more fun then you guys do," she suggested in an effort to defend herself or perhaps to defend her bladder.

Shane shane returned the middle finger to jocelyn but with a smile on her lips. as much as they kept butting heads, she didn't actually mind the other soccer captain. they probably still wouldn't have been friends in the real world, but the more shane learned about her, the more she realized they had in common. "wouldn't you like to know," she teased back at her. she tried her best to not laugh at joss' reasons for peeing herself, just happy she wasn't asked to explain herself as well.

Divya Imagine Divya’s surprise when she learned that out of all of the girls on the island, Joss was the first to admit she’d peed herself. Her mouth hung agape. She didn’t count the first one because well, Joss mentioned she was five or six. Accidents happen and all. But God, how did she pee herself laughing twice when she was older? Divya never thought having a good control of her bladder was something she’d be proud of herself for. “Why did you leave your wee jeans in the changing roooom?” Divya whined, shaking her head at the thought of someone finding it. “Mate, you could have at least put it in a bag and gotten rid of it yourself. The poor person who found those." She pulled her lips into a pout at the thought of whoever was working that changing room that day.

Joss Jocelyn's tongue ran along the contours of her molars as she tried to decode what Shane might have meant by her words. Was it something good? Something bad? A combination? "As if I care what you think," she passed off casually,  though she had been prone to caring far, far too much what others thought of her for as long as she could remember now.  She chuckled at Divya's dismay, though it was fair enough, "Gross- they make you do that when you wet your undies in primary school, I would have looked like such a dick head- we had more shopping to do," she insisted, though it wasn't a good excuse by any stretch of the imagine. "So what- none of you have laughed so hard a little bit of wee has come out? Bullshit- surely, that's bullshit," she insisted, finding it difficult to believe that her friends were so funny that it was an uncommon experience.

Shane "i think you care a lot about what i think," shane shot back at joss. considering how they keep going back and forth with butting heads, she was picking up the vibe that jocelyn cared far too much about things. why else would she keep flashing around her captain jumper? if she wanted people to see her as the leader of the group, she would just do things instead of trying to prove it. shane wasn't the one trying to prove anything. "i think that's just you, maybe you should get your small bladder checked out when we get rescued. might be something wrong there." she said as if she hasn't pissed herself in public before.

[dungeons-and-danis]

How I Prepare For Major Arcs & Organize My DM Notes, As Well As Just General Narrative Advice!

So, I got a question quite a while back to try out this neat little trend of displaying and explaining away how I prepare for a session, as well as show how i organize and utilize my notes as a DM. I’m going to be using my upcoming, work-in-progress arc, “Nightingale”, as a visual reference throughout the post. 

So, I know i’ve released my DM’s notes on worldanvil before, but I gotta admit that the platform I most like to use for notes and plot setup is always OneNote, which I have for free via my college. It’s versatile, organized, and easy to navigate on any platform (even my phone!). So if you can get your hands on it, I highly recommend it.

PART ONE -- THE MAIN PAGE OF CENTRAL INFORMATION

What I like to do first, is create a central tab of navigation, the first thing that will pop up when I open my fresh set of notes! Things I like to include in that main tab would be any of the following:

Format Key

This will come in handy later, but essentially I have a key to differentiating different types of text throughout my notes and it looks like this (note: your notes DON’T have to look like this, but I recommend having a specific format for all these types of text to help keep you organized):

Reference Links

This is to link to articles I have on world anvil with more detailed information

Settings

NPC’s

Organizations/Factions

Misc.

Plot Setup/Brainstorming

This is helpful to get you started on your overarching plot! Be as messy as you want and DON’T DELETE ANYTHING, even if you think it’s stupid. All brainstorming is good brainstorming.

Objective

Themes

Relevant History

Hooks

Encounters

Small Outline of Main Questline

Reputation Points

I like, especially for big cities with lots of factions and NPC’s, to keep track of reputation and karma with a point system. Every good deed or bad deed, I like to record and assign a certain number of points to add or subtract from the total score of each faction, based off of just how good or bad that act was. This will help decide things in both the conclusion of that arc, as well as the conclusion of my campaign. This way, your actions really do have consequences.

PART TWO -- BUILDING THE PLOT IN ACTS

So I believe it is pertinent to keep things simple when it comes to notes, especially when it comes to major arcs where your players have a lot of freedom and you need to do a lot of writing in order to allow that freedom. So i like to build in 4 acts, each of them being dedicated to its own special needs. You can add however many acts as you might need, but this is just a base line! 

Act One: The Introduction

Act Two: Exploration/Information Gathering

Act Three: The Rising Action

Act Four: The Conclusion/The Climax

To add onto this, I usually put these acts as Major Groups in OneNote, and they look a little like this:

Act One; Introducing Your Players To The Setting

This, in my opinion, is the most important act of the four. I usually like to send my players into the setting with a BANG! Throw something at them that they don’t expect! An eerie exorcism, a public execution of an old friend, a plague that keeps the party away from public entrances, anything you can think of! The intro should be narrative heavy, not battle-heavy. That will just make your party snore. Give them a reason to fight, a reason to care about this story and its NPCs. Make sure that this first part is your best work, because it sets the story from here on out and will determine if your players are eager to return to the table. Do not forget to set the precedent of your arc’s main plot goal here. If you don’t do it now, it won’t make sense elsewhere. Make the PC’s care right away!

For example, some snippets of my introduction notes look a little bit like this (remember my format key from before? well here it is in use:)

Act Two; Exploration/Information Gathering

This is a big one, because this is where the majority of your work will go. This is the part where the players can roam around the setting, getting to know the NPC’s and the environment for themselves and make their own opinions on the current state of affairs wherever they are. I like to get super organized with this part, because it can get VERY hectic while going live. You want to write where you leave room for players to move, but also keep them focused on the task at hand. So whatever dialogue or side quests you introduce in exploration, keep it brief and drawing back to the central plot line at hand. 

I will expand more on this in PART 3, because it deserves its own section.

Act Three; The Rising Action

Yes, just like your english teacher taught you in 6th grade, there has to be a Rising Action in your plot line! This is self explanatory, it might seem. But this is the hardest part about writing up a plot line for D&D, because you never know how your players are going to change the plot. So keep things loose and relative, allowing for wiggle room and improvisation. But still, have a decent chunk of the plot ready to go in this act, because this will be the majority of your plot and usually where the information gathering from act two will start to come in handy. Things need to start coming to a head towards the end of this act, or else you’ll be stuck with a very unsatisfactory conclusion. Another helpful tip during this act, is to write down EVERY, and I mean EVERY SINGLE LITTLE question your players might have. Figure out an answer to all of them, even if the answer is “you’ll find out later”.

Act Four; The Conclusion/The Climax

This is the end. The part of your story where everything starts to come together into a full circle! You need to be prepared to answer all those questions your players had during act three, in one form or another. There’s nothing worse than ending an arc finding that there were a million plot holes that didn’t get accounted for. So prepare, prepare, prepare for this final act. On top of that, prepare for several outcomes on top of that! Don’t be afraid to change the ending on the fly, just make sure you answer those questions somehow--be it out right, or implied in the narrative. My best advice is to not write out the ending until you’re at least half way through act three. Because your player’s choices should matter, and should have a major effect on the ending. If they don’t, then whats the point in running a narrative-heavy campaign? This is where my reputation points have come in handy in the past.

PART 3 -- EXPANDING ON EXPLORATION

I wanted to give you guys a taste at how I organize my exploration section. And to be honest with you, it’s fairly to-the-point and straight forward. I’m using a city setting for my example, but I feel like this can apply to any settlement setting to be honest. But I usually like to start with a table of contents as the first page for me to land on when going to my Exploration section. It looks like this, and each link, links exactly to that page on the document so i don’t have to guess at where everything is.

I also have a page dedicated to general information about the city in my worldanvil, linked on the Reference Links page I mentioned before! But it’s always good to have a central source of information about your settlement when prepping.

Now, let’s take a look at what one of the shops looks like, as that’s most likely going to be the bulk of what you’re writing. We’re gonna start with my shop “Dagna’s General Goods Store”, which is simple enough. Here, you can see all the pages I have for this location:

These are specific to a certain encounter, but to put it in a more general sense, this is how I would organize any relevant location in a settlement:

Introduction

I like to introduce my players to the outside and inside of every establishment in my settlements. So, narrative of the outside... and then a narrative of the inside. For example, this one looks like this:

Then, from there, I can dive into whatever introducing encounters I may have planned for that shop on the same page. This is just to give the players an impression. I continue for this page like this:

I like to put in brackets before voicing a new character, how their voice may sound. But that’s just me!

The NPC(s)

Always have a page for NPC’s relative to the establishment! I usually like to link to my worldanvil at the top, but sometimes characters are so small that I don’t make them a page. For those instances, I like to write just a little bit about them under the following format:

Appearance

Personality (including voice/accent)

What They Know

Willing to Share

Not Willing to Share (requires skill checks, or otherwise)

I like to keep this brief as possible, because too much text will just overwhelm me when i’m actually DMing live. Don’t make them too complicated, unless they’re major NPC’s, otherwise you will suffer.

Whats For Sale

Self explanatory, especially for shops. If the establishment sells things, I like to take screenshots from the books and place them in this page. Or I make tables myself! Cause OneNote can do that lmao.

General Information

I like to split this up into three categories:

Schedules

What time does the establishment open and close? When is the owner there? When does the owner go to bed? Is there anything the people living there do at certain times that are of relevance? This all becomes helpful when trying to nail down routines and time tracking.

Points of Interest

Things the players can find! Maybe a secret heirloom, a private letter, or a family tree! Usually these require skill checks to find, but can also just be apart of the apparent environment!

Encounters

Events that happen to the players. This can happen at certain times, or only when the players are currently present! It’s entirely up to you. But don’t equate encounters with battle, encounters are just events, battle or otherwise!

Mine looks kind of like this, though it needs some more fleshing out-- which will come with time as my plot progresses.

Missions (if applicable)

This can split off into various sub pages, if need be, and may not even be applicable to this specific establishment! But sometimes, you can acquire missions from people and places. I like to write the mission pages in the Establishment or NPC pages that will give them out. 

And well, that’s about it! Sorry for the huge post, but it gave me some time to kill, so there you go! LOL Have fun with that, guys.