#'sorry for having too much swag i just Had to die'

[tumblasha]

what will happen to me afterwards?

on death and social media - 11 april 2024

(content warnings for ovarian cancer, death of a teacher, death of an online friend, future death, grief)

today, one of my twitter mutuals found out that one of their online friends (known each other for Years) died back in january. they're obviously devastated and it makes me think of a three thoughts that run rampant in my head after every death that happens around me.

it's no secret that my first french teacher in high school died (72 year olds don't really survive ovarian cancer, ya know?). it's no secret that she was one of my favorite teachers. i think a lot about her life. her long-distance husband, the children she's "adopted" by teaching them french for four years (she could never have kids herself), her obsession with turtles. she gave so, so much of herself to her community, over 50 years teaching in my little high school. and she was not celebrated as much as i would've liked. she had a memorial service the saturday after she died, and we all talked to / near her urn in the school gym. the principal didn't give a shit, and her husband didn't show up. the other old faculty member (my us history teacher) retired at the end of the next academic year.

the way i found out was through text. i went through the first stage of denial, saving my grief for four hours later when i fully found out the context behind the "i'm so sorry" sent to the group chat. my french teacher had over 100 turtles, little trinkets she put all over her classroom. and she let each of her students take one home.

for almost a decade now, i've grown quite fond of the community i found on twitter. i made my little fan account, i followed people who were also obsessed with my fav pieces of media, and the rest is history. over the years, i also had to take breaks from being online after reading some "this is X's mom. X passed away last night" tweets or just let a friend fade away after their last tweet ("going into surgery tomorrow! should recover in a few months :3") turned one year old.

and i'm so scared. i think that with the many diseases running rampant on the planet, the lack of secure infrastructure in my country, and other problems, i realize that i could simply go away at any second. and who would know? legally, they have to tell my parents (they're the secondary recipients of health and retirement accounts). legally, they have to tell my job. legally, they don't have to tell anyone else. but i have friends everywhere. the most important ones existing as little icons on my screen or little words in my messaging apps. how the hell are they supposed to know?

when i was a kid, i always imagined myself having at least two weddings: one with my family in peru, one with my spouse's family and our joint community in the united states. now i realize the same might have to happen for my funeral. how am i supposed to plan ahead for that? now that i've finished school, there's never going to be a "guaranteed" place for me to be. i can go anywhere at any time! and none of you have to know!!

there are no conclusions to this ramble. there is only the three threads: online friends leaving but being remembered, people in my real life leaving but being forgotten, and me who will leave someday too. maybe i'll leave behind some turtles, too.

--

author's note: no, i'm not suicidal. you should not express concern to medical professionals over this post. i am healthy and happy to be alive.

[budbuddnbuddy]

Little obey me headcanons (pt 5)

A/n: God it’s been a while since I put out one of these things. Apologies yall, finals are terrifying but thankfully I passed all my classes, so yay! Anyways same thing as usual, though this one is mostly world building, so enjoy!

MC has an entire kitchen in their room. Bit weird to think of yes, but I just saw the dinning table in their room and the stuff behind it and it was the first thing that came to mind, the whole room is basically like an apartment but it’s no where near as big as the other brothers rooms. Also did you know that they had an entire kettle in their room???

Okay maybes it’s not a kettle more like a tea pot but you get the point, MC kitchen in room canon./hj

Mammon is infact not above stealing your stuff, has he sold any of it? No. Will you ever be getting it back? Also no. It’s been 4 years Mammon, MC wants their hoodie back.

RAD is basically the Harvard of the Devildom, of course there are other Ivy League schools throughout the realm, all ranked high in various categories and filled with various species, but if you really want to be a high ranking deadly demon then going to RAD is practically an requirement.

If you ever watched Steven Universe, you’d know that Garnet can give kisses that let you see into the future for a brief period of time. Barbatos can basically do the same thing, and can choose the amount of time that it lasts for, ranging from 3 hours to 4 days.

However it’s been MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of years since he’s done this and he’s never told anyone about it besides Diavolo, well until you of course. Just keep it a secret between the 3 of you all, will you?

Demon possession is in fact real, it’s sort of like a fucked up version of fusion, all the abilities and talents that you have can be accessed by your possessor, the strength that the two of you have is combined since like 93% of humans have no magic and it’s deadly wether you’re a human or a demon them punches are going to hit hard. Sloth demons are mainly the ones who have this ability.

If you ever get so lucky to the point where you get to me any of the Royals you MUST kiss their hand, it’s considered extremely rude and informal not to do so, doesn’t matter if it’s a woman, man, or a being with no hands at all and just a bunch of tentacles. You better find a way to kiss that damn hand. MC finds out about this by pure accident.

“Ah- Lord Diavolo, I’m sorry I didn’t even realize you were there.”

“Haha, no worries! It’s not common for most to not recognize me when I’m in the room!”

“Here, allow me to make it up to you…” *Smooch*

“…”

Typically Diavolo is very neutral when it comes to formal greetings since he technically gets them like every week but there was something about it being you giving him kisses on his hand that make him feel “butterflies in his stomach” as humans say.

Ever since then he’s demanded that you give him hand kisses every time you swag by the the Demon King’s castle, with a blush on his face of course.

There’s a three headed version of almost everything in the Devildom, it’s not just Cerberus, there’s three headed butterflies, cats, raccoons, rats (much to Barbatos dismay), and of course demons. No one knows exactly why, but most speculate it probably has something to do with the air.

No one is letting you die, there’s too many things that they want from you, too many things they want to give you, yet so little time to do so. You can scream at them, hate them forever, never talk to them again, but please for the love of god. Just don’t die.

[prince-of-red-lions]

so hi guys! ive been gone a while. which will. unfortunately continue to happen.

as you all know i've had some cOmPliCaTiOnS recently 😭😭😭 im so sorry! things Have Happened and i won't be on anymore. NOT FOREVER! but a long time. your all so wonderful and i am TEARING UP RIGHT NOW ASHGTUJAG SORRRYASHGU. but i love you all so much i can't even describe it properly. you've all done so much for me and made me feel so loved and appreciated and im literally crying rn so sorry if this post is a mess. sorry if i got your hopes up that i was gonna be back with the last few posts, just wanted to go out with a bang yknow? but please know that i love you all so much and i've been thinking about you guys nonstop ever since i met you. please never change and never forget yourselves or your purpose. im so proud of ALL OF YOU and im so sorry to be leaving. i really am. this has been a great place to be its been REAL. its been FUN. and its been SO ENJOYABLE. i love you all so so so so so so so much. i can't put it into words. its been so nice to have place to dump my art or thoughts and your all there with nice words and funny jokes. im so grateful for you all. i know im rambling and i know this a dumpster fire but oh well. ITS ALL TRUE. IT IS. 💖💖💖💖💖💖 please know i am ALWAYS out there and ALWAYS SUPPORTING YOU GUYS and i hope you guys don't forget me. HASNGJDJSHGEUAOYTE SOBBING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

this isn't goodbye forever! i will be back one day. i promise you guys that much. this account will continue to stay up, IM NOT DELETEING IT- DW- but i will not be active. i probably won't even be able look at it. i will be back one day i swear it i SWEAR IT. i hope you guys have a lot of patience 😭

i love you all so much and never change. your all so talented and beautiful and awesome and amazing and wonderful and SO COOL AND SWAG AND SLAY. >:D I SEE ALL OF YOUR MESSAGES AND ASKS BTW! SORRY I CAN'T RESPOND TO THEM. :( im sorry i wont be here for ya'll anymore. if you guys ever get off your own tumblr accounts or smth like that, maybe you could leave a message behind so i'd know? 💀 that would be great because i want to make sure you didn't die or smth LMAOOOO. but thanks for everything guys! sorry to be such a downer on christmas. yeah sorry kinda bad timing huh? but

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO! I HOPE 2024 ISN'T TOO BAD FOR YA'LLS :)

[greatlyblessed]

Sorry not if you were ever asked this. For 03 what is your opinion on each of the boys?

Hey! I don't think I've been asked this on tumblr so, time to go on a Rant™️

('03 is my favorite turtle show. It's just so goooood but okay specifically about the turtles--)

oh right i got really long I should add in a readmore--

Gonna start with Mikey. Ah Mikey. I think I called him a gremlin troll of a turtle in some tags earlier and I stand by that. This turtle wakes up every day going 'how can I make someone else (mostly Raph) chose violence'. He is good at reading people and he makes that everyone else's problem. Weaponized Incompetence King. I love him so much. He was my favorite on my first watch through but I don't think I have a favorite any more.

But also he's a good boy!! He wants to help people out. I was rewatching the series but I didn't really get past season 1 so I'm just thinking about the first Turtle Titan episode. He got an idea on how they could be COOL but nobody else was down for it, so fine he'll do it on his own--

10/10 turtle. Menace to society. Probably the smartest Mikey in the turtle multiverse.

Raph. Oh sweetie. Boy has so many feelings and struggles with dealing with them. 😭Relatable. He learns and grows over the course of the series and I'm happy for him. Big softie on the inside, prickly cactus on the outside. Feel like a lot of his anger is just other feelings turning into anger because y'know. Emotions Hard.

He has his struggles and his problems but he loves his brothers. I love his dynamics with everyone. Fighting with Mikey, the way he manages to actually be Soft with Donnie. The way he manages to even out into someone that helps Leo keep his balance over just. Challenging him in a way that sets Leo off. (Remembering the fight over the sword Shredder gave Leo early on now--)

10/10 turtle too. Goober. Not as funny as he thinks he is (and that only makes him more endearing.)

Leo. Oh no honey. Sweetheart. Baby boy. This boy goes THROUGH IT. I've seen a meta about his Trauma and how he's a lot more laughing and joking around pre-Window and then we don't see him lightening up again till Fast Forwards/BTTS. And yeah I can see it. This boy thinks DEEP. Maybe a bit too much so. Internalization King. Give him a nice cup of tea, a warm blanket and a hug please.

He's just so weighted down with the task of keeping his brothers alive. Mikey's the one who wanted to be a superhero but Leo's probably the one who actually has the most 'heroic' temperament. Very keen sense of 'bad things are happening and we can do something about it'. But also 'bad things may happen to us if we meddle too much'. (Which, they do. And then they all almost die because of calls Leo made so of course he handles that extremely well.)

10/10 turtle. Daddy's boy got his Autistic Swag. Ninjitsu is his special interest.

Don. Ah, Donny. (Which is apparently how it's spelled in 03.) Kind soul. Sweetheart. Precious. Absolute menace. Do not let his mild manners fool you. This boy is insane. LEAST common sense out of the four of them. Thinks that playing a flight simulator makes him qualified to fly an actual helicopter. (If Raph had hair Don would absolutely be making it go grey.) Mikey is a menace on purpose. Don? Don thinks he's the sensible, rational one. Which just makes him even more terrifying.

He's such a kind, sweet soul. Loves building his vehicles lol. He's got the combo of being fairly even-tempered and also more mild mannered so he's good at not making any Bickers worse among his family. I love how they all dropped everything and went to check on him in that one episode where he was stressed out and yelled at everyone. 😭

10/10 turtle. Let's not forget this boy had his own PTSD arc in the Back to the Sewers season. Of all places.

[thegeminisage]

oh, it's also finally time for the official ds9 character ranking as of the end of s1. i'm not doing minor characters yet (jake, nog, garak, keiko) since they haven't had any major stuff going on and idk if they ever will. rankings in the future may be different.

odo - whatever autistic swag he has going on has charmed and bewitched me. i'm so easy i love little guys that don't get humanity. he seems like the natural choice after spock and data i should have known this would happen. every single thing i learn about him makes me more insane. also, he's so dour and gruff that he is just BEGGING to be given an arc where he gets a child or a love interest or whoever who gets to be the only one able to lighten him up at all. and i know about him getting with kira so i am just sitting here like. PLEASE let that be good. please.

kira - ALL OF HER SCENES ARE SO GOOD. i liked her from the beginning but they have done NOTHING but feed me ever since the pilot. her conflict, or rather, lack of conflict, now that the war is over, is so fucking good. who even is she now that she's not the underdog? how do you just move on once the war is over? she's such a good actress too, she smiles when she's angry and she can cry on cue. you can feel the weight of her history every single time she's on screen, she's fantastic

sisko - the only reason he didn't tie with kira is because we haven't seen as much sisko-centric stuff yet. i thought his intro in the pilot was INSANELY good, it blew my mind, and i couldn't wait to see where he went from there...but then he didn't go anywhere else. that said, i do love that he always backs up his people, especially kira and odo since they're not federation. also i LOVE what a good dad he is and his extremely wholesome jokes about that time he and dax fucked twins or whatever.

bashir - i love to laugh at this guy. he is SO good comedically and i don't know why i didn't expect him to be the comedy character but he is. i know he has some deeper stuff later and i CANNOT WAAAAIT to see what else he is gonna have going on with garak, i'm very excited for his future. i feel like once bashir finally gets a serious storyline it's gonna hit me like a fucking truck because of how silly he is the rest of the time...my favorite cringefail loser <3

o'brien - he would have tied with bashir except again he had less stuff to do. i like him so much better in ds9 than tng and he is SOOO longsuffering but i'm still waiting to see why everyone says he suffers more than jesus on the cross. also, i fucking love his little girl. she's so cute i die. i'm never sorry to see this guy on my screen.

dax - love and light to women and people who are only currently women and genderfluid worms everywhere, so far i feel pretty uncompelled by the dax stuff. i mean, i don't dislike her or anything, but she can't hold a candle to some of the characters higher on this list. her hair is So Big that it's weird to look at but i could forgive this if she was less...buttoned up? she's always very :X except when she talks about how cool it is to be a hot woman everyone likes flirting with, which, like, GOOD for her, but i'd like to know who she is beyond that. her personality seems so fluid she doesn't have one - even sisko paints a more vivid picture of curzon dax than we get of jadzia, which is mostly a lot of blah. i absolutely believe they'll make her more interesting later they just haven't caught me yet

quark - i mean. this was inevitable. i DO like him better than i thought i would and whatever he has going on with odo is extremely fucking funny, but on his own he's not as funny as bashir and he's not got as much depth as the rest of the cast, plus there's the whole ferengi issue of them not being written well in general. he's actually such a huge improvement on all other ferengi ever though that i deeply considered giving him the #6 spot, but dax, while uncompelling, DID at least get a backstory episode that was good instead of that episode quark got that made him hold the idiot ball. so.

[deconstructthesoup]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me asking this and you don't have to answer if you don't have anything to say about it but;

If you were to make a The Locked Tomb x The Owl House AU, what would it be like? From what you've written in Superb Owls, I can surmise that Luz would be Gideon, Amity would be Harrow, and Belos would be Jod, but I'm curious about your ideas on the other characters.

I have my own opinions, but it would be cool to hear yours. Sorry if this is asking too much.

You ask me this not knowing that, a very long time ago, I had an idea for an AU where the Locked Tomb characters were in The Owl House and Gideon was a much cockier version of Hunter...

In all seriousness, though, Belos would not be Jod. He doesn't have the swag for it. He's an Eighth House necro at least. Even making Jod a version of Belos is doing his millenial/Gen Z ass a disservice, those two have incompatible dictator energies! You think Belos would have a three-way with anyone?

And while we're at it, Luz and Amity don't have enough drama to be Gideon and Harrow. Eda and Raine are the only two who can live up to the "we live together, we die together, you are my only friend, I am undone without you" dynamic.

Honestly, thinking about it, it's incredibly tricky to even do a "how would these characters fit into this world" thing, because they're so drastically different in their execution and tone. They're both wonderful stories full of queer catharsis, don't get me wrong, but they're just so very different.

(I say this, and yet I've combined The Owl House with fucking Magnus Archives)

In terms of AUs... I don't have a lot, but if you wanna ever hear my vague ideas about the Locked-Tomb-characters-on-the-Isles-AU, I wouldn't mind fleshing it out a bit.

[straycalamities]

Oh my okay I've got several... no I've got plenty of questions abt Truffula Flu lol

So... I'll ask all I remembered I wanted to ask, I hope it won't be too much..

1. Why guns aren't allowed in camp Entre? Maybe I skipped few posts, but I didn't see explanation for this one

2. About zombie mutations. Is they're really become stronger or is it just Rocky and Entre become weaker cuz of their illnesses?

3. Swags mod said that Swag would probably leave camp and die somewhere in quite place, while trying to survive. Why would he leave people that he cares about? Im a little bit dumb and don't exactly understand his planned ending 8(

4. There was a moment when One-ler tried to convince Bitter to put him out of his misery, but he escaped that. And I was curious, if he actually killed him then, would Entre blame himself for that? And if so, would it be worse then he blamed himself when he killed Bitter by his own hands?

5. After Rockys planned death, would Swag blame Entre for this? I mean, emotionally shocked, blame him again about this apocalypse stuff, that Rocky wouldn't die if he wasn't infected and etc.

I hope I made myself clear cuz I dunno how to put some questions ughh😭😭

And again Im sorry if its too much questions!

PHEW THAT IS A CHUNKY LIST. i love it

1. guns are loud and the infected are drawn to loud noises so if you shot a gun you’d be ringing the dinner bell basically. i feel like maybe we touched on it directly? but if i’m wrong it’s probably bc it’s a common thing brought up in zombie apocalypse stories so we might’ve assumed ppl just Knew why none of them used or wanted to use a gun

2. they do become stronger! i actually have a whole list of mutations (and more can be added as ppl come up with them! it’s open lore basically)

i made a whole google doc explaining the actual truffula flu and the symptoms, risks, etc (content warning for if you’re sensitive to medical discussion?? i don’t know how to word it but i wrote it like ur typical online disease info page. also content warning for zombies bc. it’s entirely abt zombification.)

rocky and entre being weakened definitely didn’t help their situation but yes. it’s mainly bc the spiky zombie is faster and stronger than ur typical sort

3. this is kinda hard for me to answer bc i’m not the one who originally wrote it. i don’t rly know why it was planned for it to go like that. i guess out of irony? i know the original plan was for swag to be the sole survivor at the end, but that kinda clashed w other plans so it was changed. so maybe this was the compromise to that

i will say tho that. things had been discussed since that post was made and his story goes differently than was broadcasted. howso? you’ll just have to see :)

4. yes, entre still would’ve blamed himself because ultimately: this is all his fault. regardless of who dies how or where. they wouldn’t be in that situation if it weren’t for him. especially if it’s connected directly with the infection. especially if it’s right in front of him where he can’t ignore it

he wouldn’t have been AS devastated by bitters death if he weren’t the one that had to kill him tho, because the thing is: that was the first time entre had directly killed someone who was still “alive” (unless i’m forgetting some obscure shit i did or said idk it’s been over a decade) and not only that, it was someone who was still his friend despite what he’d done? and even more layers: he had worked so hard to get bitter to come out of his shell prior to the infection and actually be his friend and then this happens. and he has to be the one to end it. bc he was pressured into it

so honestly entres descent into immense self-loathing and all that would have been Very different from how we saw it if someone else had taken care of bitter

5. nah i don’t think swag would’ve like actively started pointing fingers at entre again at that point. like deep deep down swag can’t ignore that this IS entre’s fault and this WOULDNT have happened if not for his mistake, but…swag realizes in the story that it’s not gonna get them anywhere if he keeps holding on so hard to those facts. like if he keeps berating and belittling entre as payback for everything what’s actually gonna get better for that? nothing. all it does is give him temporary catharsis and even that gets cheaper and lasts less time every time he does it

entre wants to fix things so earnestly and tries and swag sees that and wants to help because obviously he also would like this to be undone or at least, cured. and they can’t help each other if they’re at odds. and so even if it’s really hard on him to lose rocky like that, i think at that point it’s just chalked up to “this bitch of a situation” and not “entre did this”

not forgetting the fact that at that point, entre is going to mean a LOT to him because of how their relationship has deepened. so he’s not gonna turn on one of the only ppl he has left

thank you for the questions!! 😊

[raidenssblog]

Love is red but so is blood

Part1, part2, part3 ← you're here, part4

Paring: Zenitsu X d!m!reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: depression, small mention of needles, attempted suicide, self harm (not eating) isolation from real world and feelings, grief, self indagerment (if that's a real word), fainting, hallucinations, violence, yelling and cursing.

Summary: Zenitsu finally came to the realisation that you were never coming back. He's tried everything. He's lashed out at the people he needed. So he will be with you. Or so he thought.

_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_—_

It's been 4 days. Zenitsu only had the energy to shower. He doesn't even eat or go on missions anymore.

No he didn't feel hungry, he just felt empty, sad and lonly. Even if Tanjiro and Inosuke visit him. Knocks come from the front door every morning and night.

The first time that happened Zenitsu ran down and swag the door open. Hoping it was you in the other side.

But no, it was Tanjiro and a bored looking Inosuke. His heart droped now knowing it won't be you.

Whenever Tanjiro comes around he doesn't even go to the door to answer him.

Today was no different. 10am. Zenitsu could her tanjiro walking towards the door. But there was no knock, but he heard the door open slowly.

Zenitsu got up and walked down the steps to be met with tanjiro. He sounded....upset.

"Zenitsu. Please listen. I'm so sorry about that night. I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I'm sorry sanemi took him away from you. I know the pain you going through and I want-" "no"

Tanjiro was cut off by Zenitsu. He voice sounded raw and sore. Most like from crying, screaming and lack of food.

"I'm sorry?" Tanjiro asked confused as to why the only thing his friend said was no.

"no. No you don't. You have NO idea about the pain I went though that night. Sure you found your family dead but I watch him get KILLED. That is different. At lease the last time you saw your family alive they were happy, right? He was scared, helpless and he knew he was going to die. The look in his eyes, it was horrible. I can NEVER GET THAT IMAGE OUT IF MY FUCKING HEAD."

He pause and took a long deep breath befor staring into tanjiro's eyes. "And it was your fault for not talking up. It was Inosukes fault for not letting me go. And it was Sanemi's fault for taking him away from me. The only person who I loved and loved me back just as much." Tears were now pouring out.

"you have no right to say that to me Zenitsu. My family were kill brutally while he was killed in one swing. Sure you watched him die but that doesn't mean he was in pain." Tears gained in Tanjiro's eyes at the memory of his family.

"BUT HE WAS. I COULD SEE AND HEAR IT! WHILE YOU MADE SURE NOT TO LET ME GO YOU ALL MISSED THE TEARS IN HIS EYES!"

Tanjiro was taken aback. This was the first time Zenitsu had yelled at him aiming for it to hurt.

"HE KNEW HOW MUCH THIS WOULD HURT ME! HE KNEW! BUT YOU DIDNT SO DONT YOU DARE SAY HE WENT PEACEFULLY!"

At this point Zenitsu was screaming at the boy Infront of him. No caring if it ever so slowly made tanjiro guilty. He should be. He should have said or done something. Anything.

"I AM SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME ZENITSU! I KNOW I HURT YOU, WE ALL DID BUT PLEASE FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! I beg of you." He whispered the last part not wanting to fight anymore.

"I don't care if you're here to say sorry. I don't give a fuck if you want to apologize. You just, you just don't want to feel guilty. Because you know you were of the reason as too why Im like this now" Zenitsu was calm compared to how he was before.

All that tanjiro could see was the tears running down his face and dripping off. He could smell the thick hatred and sadness Zenitsu let off.

Tears of Tanjiro's were now not about his family, but because he made his friend like this. If he could even call Zenitsu a friend anymore.

"I'm really am sorry" he said before he walked out the door. He could hear Zenitsu start to cry again but didn't go back. He couldn't, as much as he wanted to he could never.

Zenitsu droped to the floor. The feeling of hunger started to kick in but he didn't care. He knew his time would somehow come soon.

So he reread the letter which felt like the hundredth time. The handwriting was yours. That was for certain. But the words wait for me stuck in his mind for the rest of that night.

'Wait for me, what does that even mean' he thought while covering his head with the thick blanket. It had a very faint smell of you. It comforted him a little.

He knew he couldn't wait. It was getting to painful, to much. He felt to gone already. So he waited untill night fall.

He went out side for the first time in short of a week. The breeze was calm. Unlike his mind. Zenitsu blotted for the butterfly mansion.

He snuck into the mansion listening out for anybody as he enter a room. Specifically the medical room. He grabbed around 3 different pills and ran back to your cabin. He grabbed a glass of water and letter before he started to sob.

He cried harder as he walked through the thick bush. Towards one clearing. The place you two met. He sat down and opened the bottles.

Pouring them into his hand he sighed he put half of the pills in his mouth not caring what they'd do and drank water to wash them down.

They were hard to swallow due to how many they were. He than took the other half and did the same. Zenitsu chucked the last bit of water before chucking the glass someplace, he didn't care where. He was going to be with you. Than NOBODY can take you away. Never.

He picked up your letter and yet again reread it. Though he wasn't sad. He was happy. Relifed some would say.

His eye sight started to get blurry and his chest got tight. That's when he heard it. His name getting called. "Monichi?"

It was Inosuke. Well that doesn't matter anyway. He was going to be dead soon. Hopefully quicker than how it was going now.

He blacked out before he knew it. He heard footsteps running towards him. "Monichi! Wake up!" The voice that slowly grew on him now made him want to die faster.

Zenitsu felt hands picking him up and quickly, not very gently, running away from that spot.

'no no no. I was ment to die where we met. Go back. Please' Zenitsu thought but couldn't say. His heartbeat was slowly fading away and purely he felt like his body was numb.

Multiple voices called out but they were all muffled and he couldn't understand what they were saying. Than everyone just...stoped.

'am I...dead. no wheres m/n?' he didn't understand what happened. He took all the pills. Forced himself not to throw up. Reread the letter but, he's not dead.....

Four days passed. Tanjiro hasn't slept in three days. Shinobu gave him a anaesthetic that knocked him out for a few hours.

But he woke up and headed straight for Zenitsu recovery room.

Inosuke brought him in, he was blabbering about bottles and a letter. Saying how he watched him down a bunch of little things and read a letter while crying... happily.

Aoi ran in and said someone had taken some pills from the medical room. Tanjiros heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He looked over to shinobu in a panick.

She knew what had happened as well. She wasn't smiling, instead she was breathing quickly and she let off a scent of worry.

She put him in a spare bed and by now most of the hashira have gather by the door. Mainly because of the girls screaming and Inosuke shouting random things.

Shinobu quickly made a thick purpley red liquid and put it in a needle before sticking it into his vein.

Zenitsu started to breath normally again and his pulse came back. Shinobu let out a shallow sigh. "He'll be fine, just make sure to keep and eye on his heart beat and if he does wake up. Please tell me or Aoi."

Tanjiro nodded and quickly wiped his tears away before setting himself down in the bed next to him.

He was now sitting in Zenitsu's bed looking at the sleeping boy. Tanjiros breathing started to quicken and his throat got tight. Tears skilled as he began to sob and talk.

"Im-im so sorry. I did this too you. I-I-I didn't mean to. I thought he was d-angerous. Like most of the other demons, I thought he was fakin-g his feelings just to kill you next. I'm s-sorry you had to think this was the only way you could see him ag-again"

He wiped his tears but they kept coming. The guilt was finally setting upon the red headed boy. He was the reason behind this. It would have been his fault that his friend killed themselves.

His fault

But he didn't kill you. Sanemi did. It was his fault for all of this. If he didn't kill none of this would have happened. None of it.

Zenitsu and you would still be happy. He would still go on missions, eat and go outside. He would still have meals with the group and put effort into his life. These thought wouldn't even dear to cross his mind.

"w-where *cough* am I?" Tanjiro snapped out of his daze and looked at the boy in shock. "Z-zenitsu! You're awake! Let me go get shinobu!" And with that he quickly ran to get the girl leaving the yellowed haired boy in a haze.

'why didn't it work? It should have worked. I was ment to see m/n. Please." He thought. Tears welled in his eyes. The clenching ache in his heart grew worse by the second.

He was chocking on his own breaths. He heard the door open but when he looked he only saw....you.

Zenitsu stoped crying for a second and just stared at you. He cried harder and louder. "M/N! YOU'RE BAC-K! I-I KNEW IT!"

But when you didn't respond he only lower his voice. "M/n please come over here?" You didn't answer, you only stared at him.

"m/n?" Zenitsu said quietly. This wasn't you. He knew it. For the time when you didn't hug him straight away.

Suddenly you head was cut off. A horrendous scene as you body crumbed to the floor. Zenitsu let out a loud scream. Tears poured harder than they did before.

The memory of your death now refreshed in his mind. Tanjiro and shinobu ran into the room. "Zenitsu please calm down. I need to give you you medicine to even out-"

She was cut off with Zenitsu running out of the room. He instantly regretted it as his vision went blurry and his head felt heavy.

He just wanted to get out of there. Away from them and away from everything.

[therealityhelix]

Shards of the Nexus: Applesauce pt. 4

Everybody tries.

@cardwrecks​ @captainbaddecisions​

?~?~?~?~?

The time whizzed by as he wondered what he was going to do now.

“You baleful, deleterious, idle-brained douche bag! “

Oh. Die, that's what.

He turned just in time for Narci to grab him roughly by the shirt. The kid was shorter than him by a decent amount, but strong enough to twist his head off, and he felt his toes leave the floor.

“Hey, watch the threads!” he protested in a watery voice. Narci shook him like a rattle.

“Fuck your threads! I'll burn down your closet! I'll burn down your whole life!” Narci exclaimed, then shuddered so hard, his black ponytail shook. He set Swag back down, very carefully, and released his clothes. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. But just...how could you? You're supposed to be the best of us. How could you?”

“I'm not the best of anything, Narci.” Swag said, leaning against the bar to let his heart rest, ignoring the sticky mess that still dripped. “I'm not a role model. Not really. I'm a fuckup in good clothes. I mean, it's not that I don't try, it's that when I make mistakes, they are really big mistakes that get people hurt. Helix. Harvey. Puzzles. You. Fuck, I coulda done something for you, way back. But I turned you away. I was too busy pretending I had no obligation to anyone else but myself to see how everything was connected. That I could at least try to help someone who should have been like a little brother. I...the idea of me is far better than the actuality of me.”

“Swag. You know you couldn't have really done anything for me back then, right? I would have just killed you instead.” the wavering tone was back, a permanent feature in his voice. “Mine was a sickness that couldn't be cured with human hands. And part of me is missing now. I didn't come back whole. Maybe I'm better this way. But you...why did you hurt her? I don't understand that. Her hand is so badly burned that our medicines did nothing! She was crying so much, and she couldn't actually tell me. What did you do? And why?”

“It wasn't supposed to go down like this. It was supposed to...I don't even know. I never meant it to hurt her, I'd never...I'd never mean to do that. I just started thinking down the wrong road, and I got swept away. I try not to do that. It always goes bad. Now, I know a lot of you think I've allowed myself to dumb down, and Unswag doesn't hesitate to point out that I don't allow myself to think, but-”

“It's an attempt at self control.” Narci stated. “I know. I know.”

Narci's new eyes had been pleas for help since the moment he'd opened them. Swag believed him.

“Got paranoid. Got serious about it. Got this dumb thing.”

Swag showed Narci the little wire. He'd twisted it around his left ring finger, like a true fool.

Narci, possessed of the simian curiosity writ large in Edwards Nigma the multiverse over, grasped his hand for a better look.

For the next few minutes, Swag held Narci's lifeless body in his arms, whispering grief and apology. If Helix had been mad at him before, she really was going to turn him inside out now. She was ready to fistfight Satan himself for this kid.

The doorbell rang.

This was the worst possible time. He was in mourning, damnit! Who could even be at his door at this hour?

Swag stared up into the dark cowl, panic thumping in his blood. There was a body in his parlour. He was wearing contraband. He'd been hiding a second self. Not to mention possession of controlled substances, and the aiding and abetting of known criminals from other universes. Surely any of that would be enough to put him away again. Maybe forever and ever this time.

“What could you possibly want?” Swag asked, trying to keep his voice from trembling. He was pretty sure his hammering pulse was loud enough to be heard.

“The Nth metal, Nigma. Where is it? Why do you have it?”

“Oh this thing? This fuckin' thing? You can have it!” Swag yanked it from his finger and flung it into the parking lot. “Take it! I never wanna fuckin' see it again. Worthless scrap of shit. You want it, go get it, just leave me alone. I don't want nothin' to do with it.”

He slammed the door shut. And waited.

It didn't smash back open in his face, so it looked like he'd been taken at face value. The wire would be gone; no matter where it landed, it would be found. And good riddance.

He turned, then flung himself back against the door, heart in his throat choking off a scream. Narci's body lurched down the hall towards him, flopping and stumbling like a puppet on very loose strings.

“Narci?” Swag whispered. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sor-”

He mumbled over and over again, growing hoarser and more urgent with every shuffling step closer, until it became a hyperventilating plea as Narci pressed his drooling, slack-jawed face against Swag's chest.

“Could...n't...get...back...in...while...you...were...touch...ing...me...” The words escaped from Narci's mouth, each syllable a labored puff of air.

“I'm sorry.”

“At...least...you...grieved...”

Ooh, ooh, that cut. Because the first time, he hadn't.

No one had.

Guilt choked him silent once more, and Swag carefully, cautiously curled his arms around the boy's shoulders. Maybe he should have done this sooner. Maybe years ago.

But the second best time was now.

“D-does it hurt?”

“No...can't...feel...an...y...thing...”

“That actually sounds worse.”

“Yes...”

“Anything I can do?”

“Must...go...home...”

Swag helped him to the special door, and let him slip through, just like Helix did. It seemed the way was still closed only to Swag himself.

There was a lot of cleaning up to do, partially gelled apple goop, a broken mirror. It smelled so good that it hurt; his favorite apples reduced to a soup of memories that would now never be made. Forced to mop up what should have been a sweet song on his tongue, no more than a paraklausithyron to the world now barred to him.

He glanced at the sky while taking the trash out. Cloudy, as usual. Starlight was the rarest commodity in Gotham. Would he ever see it again?

Swag tested the door over and over during the next few days, even under the scorn of his pale twin, with whom he'd gotten into a terrible row upon returning. Just like old times.

Back and forth and back and forth, until a small hand reached out and pulled him through.

That nauseating, semi-familiar feeling of falling without moving. Stomach twisted around his spine, blood in the brain and feet, and the unbreakable, all-encompassing cold.

An eternity in an hourglass, then a shocking blast of humid heat. His glasses fogged as he gasped, gulping in the warming air.

Clutching his pinkie finger was a tiny, blue-eyed doll of a child, a little girl who, aside from her barely contained mass of curly orange hair, clearly resembled a miniature Helix.

“Hey there, Maddie-mads.” he said, taking in the lush garden around him. “How're you doing today?”

“I'm okay.” she said in her chipper, squeaky little voice. “But you're not. Momma's not either”

“Ah. I imagine not. Did she, uh, say why?”

Maddie shook her head.

“She said she made a mistake and she doesn't know how to fix it. Can you help?”

Swag rubbed the back of his neck.

“I'm...not sure this time, kiddo. I might make it worse.”

Her expression said that she didn't believe that for a second. The unwavering faith of a child. He'd had that once too. He hoped she would be able to keep it longer than he had.

It looked like he had to try.

Maddie held her hands in the air, and Swag scooped her up into his arms without really thinking about it. He looked out over Helixs hand built garden home, with its improbable, Escheresque landscapes, and soaring, vaulted glass sky. He had only been here a few times, and never very deep into the gardens, but he knew that space was warped and folded in unexpected ways; recursive paths and nested areas that one could easily get lost in forever.

He had never built a more perfectly horrifying maze. Here, if he lost his way, there was enough food and water that he could wander for the rest of his life, slowly losing hope, descending into madness. Surrounded by Eden, yet utterly, helplessly trapped.

It was frightening. She was frightening. All of this and everything about it was terrifying. It was.

And so was he. And so was Unswag, and everything he represented. And so was Arkham's undying bloodthirst, the direction Narci was taking, Puzzles' new lease on life, Nash's growing involvement with literal demons. The things YJ had almost gotten involved in, the disease that had nearly taken Detective. This whole big tightly tangled Nexus. Knowledge of the multiverse itself.

It was all an ever-expanding cosmic dread, bearing down on all their shoulders, and they each had to figure out how to handle it, because it wasn't going away.

He could look at Helix as a representative of that dread, or he could see her as yet another person upon whose shoulders that weight rested. See her as an alien being, like the Grays, or as a familiar woman whose warmth he had tasted. He could destroy a good thing, like he always did, or he could finally cherish what he actually had.

This could be his last chance.

Madeline guided him along the color-coded pebble paths, a labyrinth perhaps only she and her mother truly knew by heart. Greenery, flowers, and fruits burst joyfully on every side. An artificial stream meandered through the young trees and under small bridges. Little waterfalls trickled, and fish flashed in the water. Here and there stood a carved log, stacked rocks, suncatchers, and circles of standing stones.

Birds chirped and flitted about, Every now and then he saw a chicken, heard the braying of a goat somewhere.

Over the top of it all, a song floated like perfume on the breeze, a pair of voices entwined in haunting harmonies. One of them was Helix, naturally, of course she could sing. That was practically required of a sorceress, wasn't it?

That meant that the other voice had to be Narci, didn't it? Swag would never have guessed the kid could hold a tune, much less that his reedy, wavering voice could produce such enchanting sounds.

Maddie, cradled securely at shoulder level, loosed her own voice into the air. A string of notes akin to the birdsong, that particular pitch that only children could achieve fitted into the music with improvised ease.

Song swam through his mind. It was a compulsion, to add his voice, add himself in. To become part of the music, complete it.

He could not find the notes.

He was led to a clearing, a community center of sorts. This was a place Swag had been before. Under a tall arbor of blooming vines, tables and chairs, set up for a meal. Narci, his black curls crowned with flowers, Helix in her frilly apron, setting out the dishes. The song dying on both their lips as they noticed him approach.

Narci scowled, but Helix just gazed back at him, her expression apprehensive. Her hand was still bandaged. Narci had said that no medicine had worked on the injury.

Words clogged his throat, each one begging to be said, but reluctant to be the first.

Madeline squealed happily at the sight of the meal, and Swag put her down. She rushed over to Narci, who swept her up and sat her into her bright purple booster chair.

Swag swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.

“Starlight...” he managed.

“I'll set another place at the table.” Helix said.

artists: @captainbaddecisions​ @miasmacaron​ @cardwrecks​

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Right.

I've had a really good idea for something that could cause a lot of possible DRAMA within your fanfic. Historically, when big cities like London were suffering from a bout of the plague the king would remove his court from the capital to another location in order to reduce the chances of the royal family catching it (e.g. Great Plague of London 1665).

So, I was wondering if perhaps something similar might happen in Kings Landing were a really bad plague sweeps through the city sort of like a precursor to the Great Spring Sickness in Dunk and Egg. The plague would be so severe that Vissy T would be forced to temporarily move the royal family in Kings Landing to another location in order to reduce the chances of them catching the plague. But the only other property the Targaryens own apart from the Red Keep is, you guessed it... their ancestral seat of DRAGONSTONE. The place where all the BLACKS are.

Alicent tries to get Vissy T to go to Oldtown instead but he's like 'Pffft. Why would I exchange one plague-ridden city for another plague-ridden city?' and so Viserys takes his entire family of GREENS to seek safety from the plague on Dragonstone and Rhae-Rhae wont object because she's worried that her father, who's already ill, will die from the PLAGUE if he continues to stay in Kings Landing.

So the Greens and the Blacks will be forced to live in close proximity for around six moons, will they wait for the plague to abate in Kings Landing. And obviously theirs going to be DRAMA because Alicent and Rhaenrya cannot stand each other and Daemon, Criston and Otto are stuck in a hatred triangle. Simultaneously, the Green kids might get jealous of how familial the Blacks are with each other and Otto Hightower might try and distance Daeron from the Blacks when he sees how close they are to him so Daeron snitches to Big Sister Babey and Nuncle Daemon who then engage in a covert war with Otto and Alicent over Daeron's loyalties which BABEY ultimately wins because she is better than them. This causes Alicent to resent her for 'stealing' Daeron and by Episode 8 they'll no longer be as cordial with each other, with Alicent viewing Babey not quite as badly as Rhaenrya but close enough because she's jealous that Daeron barely knows her and treats Babey like his mother. With Otto criticising her for allowing Daeron to have so much Team!Black influence in his life, I can see Alicent making more and more desperate overtures to get Daeron to join her in Kings Landing, and by extension the Greens, which ultimately gets her nowhere and actually causes Dareon to distance himself from his Hightower family for a bit. MUHAHAHAHA.

Sorry for making you read all this crap but I really had to vent all of my brain-rot before it got out-of-control. You don't have to consider this but the potential for DRAMA MAKES ME GO NFFFFFFF.

Thanks Em!

This is actually really awesome! I do borrow quite a bit from medieval history to fill in world-building gaps, seeing as how ASOIAF was more-or-less modelled on the Wars of the Roses, so this has some historical weight to it that would make things hilariously chaotic. Plus, Vissie T and the King's crew get to see how Daemon and Babey and Rhae and Laenor run their shit. Bitch, they're visitors on Dragonstone. The court be mad jealous of how fucking swag the awesome foursome are, Vissie T is like 'bitch you stole my SPOTLIGHT' to Daemon, Alicent's huffy as fuck cuz they radiate badass and she radiates social climber, and Otto looks like he's permanently sucking on a turd. Ser Incel is losing his godsdamned mind, while Helaena's just happy to vibe, tbh. Aemond's all 'eh' and skulky, while Aegon's fine cuz there's alcohol here too.

Daemon's torn between wanting to show off and wanting them all to fuck off, Rhae and Laenor are done already, and Babey's givin' it her best damn shot. Everyone's stunned as fuck by how domestic they've managed to make the literal hellscape that is the Targaryen home seat, given its depressing-as-shit decor and drab moody vibe.

This is awesome, anon - I'll definitely have to keep it in mind!

[calpalsworld]

My First Dukethan (The Duke x Ethan) Fic Please Be Nice

Content Warning: lots of swearing, weed use, ethan being a WHORE, suggestive jokes.

.........................

Ethan Winters was so fucking fucked up as fuck. He trailed blood behind him as he walked through the village.

“Everyone keeps dying!!!! I keep getting my fingers cut off and then I got my hand cut off, AGAIN.” He gripped his hand, which he was easily able to take off like a glove, and then re-attach it again. He thought to himself: humans must be way stronger than I thought. The movies just make us seem really weak. Avengers: Endgame is not very fucking realistic. I’d survive Thanos snapping me.

 “My damn wife got killed --I think?-- and now my baby is in jars!” All dejected and shit, Ethan screeched into the sky. Erm. What the fuck? What a messed up guy. Lol. Bad day for him. One positive Ethan could think of: He met a nice lady named Elena… who also DIED…. in a FIRE. 

“That nice lady died too!!!!” Ethan cried, and muttered motherfucker like 10 times.

Because he had been screaming for the past 5 minutes, 5 lycans popped out of the buildings on all sides, and tried to kill him as per usual. They bit and scratched at Ethan and severely maimed him, which was becoming muscle memory for Ethan tbh. Finally, Ethan shot the final sorry lycan bastard three times in the face, and it went down. But after taking out the swarm, Ethan was out of bullets. He threw his gun to the ground. It was only then, at the peak of his frustration that Ethan kicked a brick wall really hard and stubbed his toe. 

“Man that hurts!” Ethan said and his screen went red, and he passed out…………………………………………………………………………………………..

When Ethan opened his eyes again he was in the Dukes carriage. 

Ethan mumbled. “What the…” 

A second positive: he had met a really fucking annoying guy called “The Duke.” Ethan thought: AITA or is that ummm pretentious much? The guy was a real asshole, he seemed to understand everything that was going on but would explain mysteriously for some reason. But meeting the guy was a positive thing overall. The Duke traded supplies with Ethan (swag), and also had a strangely calming and tingly aura that made Ethan’s loins feel strange… But YEAH ANYWAY the mysteriousness sucked, because Ethan liked straightforward communication and clear answers. Thats why he sometimes struggled with Mia and had considered divorce…. oh Mia… Ethan fucking started crying more because he remembered having a DEAD WIFE.

Hearing Ethan cry and moo, the Duke glanced back at him. “Good to see you’re awake Mr. Winters. I thought you were going to die forever after stubbing your toe too hard.” The Duke lit a cigar(?) (why did it kinda look like a blunt? Is he smoking weed now? okay.) and took a puff. 

“Woah…. Duke, is that w-weed? I didn’t know you had that kinda stuff around here.”

“Of course we have weed. We’re not animals, Ethan!” The Duke looked disappointed, but then offered to share the blunt, politely.

Pondering the small blunt in the Duke’s BIG LARGE WRINKLY MEATY HANDS, Ethan thought of that small blunt as himself. If the Duke held Ethan, would he look as small and fragile as that blunt? Ethan got up, crawled closer to the Duke, and looked up at him. The Duke looked at him too, leaning in, offering the blunt. The two looked at each other. Ethan looked at the Duke. The Duke looked at Ethan. Ethan kneeled and put his hands between his legs shly and stared up at the Duke, wide-eyed. He swayed back and forth and made small shy noises. The Duke recoiled a little. Like a giraffe, Ethan ate the blunt.

The Duke looked at Ethan.

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

1, 3, 6-8, 13, 16, 20-22 (didn’t think of a Thing to ask abt so go wild!!) (sorry if this has sent several times my app keeps crashing <3)

1) the character everyone gets wrong

oooh another one of this question lemme think of another one to complain about…. um. ty blackthorn…. i know you don’t know him but you should have a basic level of familiarity with his sherlock holmes swag and necromancy realness and ghost guy slay like. just based on my posting… i don’t like fandomy interpretations of him that make him like. soft and cutesy and uwu whatever like that boy is a huge fucking cunt he’s the worst… he’s a supervillain in training it’s ridiculous stop calling him your soft little baby or whatever the hell…. like you sound insane not even cassie is babying him like that get serious

3) screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i’m saying this cuz i know you were there too so you’ll get it but literally the 2021 pre s4 era of bylertheorism posting was so awful fr….

6) which ship fans are the most annoying?

wow see prev response….. no but like i’ll give a real answer. um idk i already complained about a few things but i’m gonna pull out a nicheish one due to the fact i saw a sofia wylie tiktok today and it made me think about hsmtmts. um i think ricky and gina shippers ruined everything sacred about that show and tim federle needs to die for the crimes he’s committed against me for them. this is also true about jiara but i’m beyond caring about obx and hsmtmts is like. THE show that got me through summer 2021. it was so rough oh my god. ej and gina were all i had. and now i don’t even have them anymore we should all kill ourselves. not to be a person that cares too much about ships. idk you had to be there maybe. and by there i mean like. you had to be me i guess

7) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

damn speaking of outer banks. jj. that boy should kill himself i don’t even care. or jesper shadow and bone. i promise i’ll like him more when i read about him but as a netflix original comic relief man…. i just can’t get behind him. also that actor was in a movie i hated so he should have to do like. 100 hours court ordered community service picking up trash in parks. that’s just one girl’s opinion

8) common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

can i talk about my shadowhunters. ok well i’m going to. it’s like sorry about your mental illnesses or whatever but i don’t think projecting them onto kit herondale is necessarily the way to go babes. he exists in a fantasy universe where he can put a little tattoo on his body and instantly gain speed, the kid hangs out with werewolves and his mom can do magic. i don’t think he is taking adderall. plus shadowhunters can’t take medication anyway so L + ratio + i can tell you’re either 16 or the most annoying adult alive. sorry if you’re 16, i promise when you stop being 16 you will feel better about life. like fandom lovessss to headcanon him with the most boring shit imaginable. oh you headcanon that this character who lives in a universe where MAGIC IS REAL has adhd? that’s cool i headcanon that he’s a virgin but makes up elaborate lies about it so none of the bad guys who are constantly after him can use him as a virgin sacrifice. i just made that up but it’s still more fun than being like ohh this character is training to be able to kill demons but the most important thing in his life is remembering to take his medication!! like booo 👎 nobody wants to read about medication in fantasy…. unless it’s like some sick ass herbs and potions like my buddy gaius makes. whatever.

13) worst blorboficiation

can i say will herondale. you know what don’t even worry about it. i’m gonna say tom holland spiderman. i don’t engage with literally any of that but i am an internet user in this day and age so it is unfortunately thrust upon me. sorry to that man but i hope peter parker dies goddamn. today’s writers just don’t hate their protagonists enough they always wanna keep ‘em around as long as possible it’s insane. arthur conan doyle had the right idea i think. like kill that dude!!

16) you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

i hateeeeeee fandom himbo characterization. ESPECIALLY. when it comes to my beloved arthur bbc merlin. he is not. a himbo…. we should all kill ourselves.

20) part of canon you found tedious or boring

no offense to cassandra clare’s infernal devices but. i’m so so sorry tessa i love you forever it’s just. well.

21) part of canon you think is overhyped

i’m just gonna say barchie. can’t fucking stand this season sorry abby that i made you watch this show only for its final season to be a flop ass barchie season.

22) your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i think we all need to talk more about how in city of fallen angels clary had a pink cell phone. that was a nothing detail i just think about it a lot and i didn’t know what else to say here.

[swanmaids]

OOOOH I HAVE SO MANY CHARACTERS FOR THE ASK GAME…SORRY YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ALL OF THEM

-mel (is this allowed ? can i put her here? pleaseeee)

-catelyn 😏

-turin ⚔️

- stannis 🧅

- findis as far as this can be applied to her

- turgon 🫶

YAYYY!!! OK PUTTING THIS UNDER A CUT LOL....

Ruindis

1: sexuality headcanon

Female misogynist bisexual woman. 2: otp

Of course her insane cringe marriage with Curufin, literally can't beat it. Though of course we're right about the Telchar threesome thing too. 3: brotp

Does she have friends? Well, there's Maz from Nogrod- if Curufin can have a bunch of interactions with dwarves to the point of learning khuzdul, so can she. And she and Celegorm are worsties forever. 4: notp

Don't really think she should be inflicted on anyone but Curufin 5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Had her head shaved for Nefarious Deeds in Nargothrond. 7: one way in which I relate to this character

Needs therapy so so bad 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

She is a walking cringe compilation. Getting disowned by her own son was probably the worst moment. 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

The most problematic.

Catelyn

1: sexuality headcanon

I doubt she's ever thought about it so I'll say straight for now 2: otp

Mental breakdowns over Nedcat every single day...I found the good sweet heart in Ned... I can't do this I really can't 3: brotp

Brienne! Brienne trying to comfort her when she heard Bran and Rickon were dead was so ;__; 4: notp

PETYR GET AWAY FROM HER DIE JUST DIE 5: first headcanon that pops into my head

I KNOW SHE KISSED THAT SKULL! 6: favorite line from this character

Possibly "I have no sons but Robb" just for the awful nasty dramatic irony of it all. 7: one way in which I relate to this character

I've got red hair too uwu 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

When people make mean awful posts about her... 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Somewhere in between.

Turin

1: sexuality headcanon

Bisexual, it's pretty much canon right? 2: otp

His relationship with Beleg makes me want to throw up and claw my eyes....anglachel saying Beleg's name right before he died...I can't do this 3: brotp

Gwindor ;__; I can't think about them for too long because it makes my heart hurt. 4: notp

Androg. 5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Doesn't like having his hair touched by anyone other than Beleg and Nienor. 6: favorite line from this character

"RUN, MOCKER OF WOMEN!" 7: one way in which I relate to this character

his disordered personality 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

The Brandir killing was pretty bad :skull: 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

The poorest, soggiest meow meow.

Stannis

1: sexuality headcanon

Deeply repressed gay man. 2: otp

Stavos truther thanks to you <33 3: brotp

Really interested in his weird relationship with Mel...what IS going on there. Oh well love her swag. And Shireen...don't kill Shireen...DON'T KILL!! 4: notp

Selyse and NO HATE ON HER OF COURSE IF SHE HAS TWO FANS THATS US....but they're both too repressed and gay. 5: first headcanon that pops into my head

That line from the sh*w about him contacting healers from all over the place when Shireen first contracted greyscale was actually valid and I accept it. 6: favorite line from this character

PEACH MONOLOGUE 7: one way in which I relate to this character

I'm a teeth grinder and I have permanent jaw pain from doing it lol 8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

would be harder to name something that doesn't. Thinking of that iconic post that just listed all the ways he's an embarrasing flop 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Problematic fave, but not as problematic as he could be.

Findis

1: sexuality headcanon

Lesbian Findis truthers stand up? *three people stand up* 2: otp

Elemmire! Ok I KNOW Elemmire has pretty much nothing but a name and writing a sad song about the trees but she's an epic woman to me. 3: brotp

Finarfin :') I know she visited him in Tirion after the flight of the Noldor I just know it. Also always here for Indis and her children wholesome content. 5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Actually was ineligible for the throne due to her gender (though I think that's pretty much canon?). A big fan of performing arts, can often be found at the theatre/ ballet or equivalent. 6: favorite line from this character

:/ 7: one way in which I relate to this character

Eldest daughter 9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Has done nothing wrong ever.

Turgon

Here!

[breadboylovin]

confused how many men ya wanted, boss

men(u):

1) Dan Harbour. I’m sorry he’s stranger things adjacent

2) Steve Buscemi

3) Daveed Digs. With or without the miku binder, your choice

4) Rahul Kohli. do not consider without facial hair (undercooked)

5) Aaron Paul

6) Gerard Way, any iteration

7) Nicholas Braun

8) Kieran Culkin

9) Jerma. Is he a celebrity? He is now.

10) Jim Carrey. but only from Sonic.

11) Kayvan Novak

oh this is a wonderful selection of men thank you

1) Dan Harbour. I’m sorry he’s stranger things adjacent

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

despite his affiliation with stranger things i have huge respect bc i think he was the first dilf type guy that made me go O___O. like this changed me

2) Steve Buscemi

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY Sexy as fuck in a weird looking guy way

please refer to the three different fancams i have of him on my blog

3) Daveed Digs. With or without the miku binder, your choice

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

i like his smile :-)

4) Rahul Kohli. do not consider without facial hair (undercooked)

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

HI HI HI HI HI

5) Aaron Paul

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

now normally this type of guy would be very Ehhhh to me. however jesse pinkman rewired my brain chemistry and now i want aaron paul carnally. especially in this gifset

also you get a pic of him with bryan cranston cus theyre besties :-)

6) Gerard Way, any iteration

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

i was gonna say im just not into him bc no facial hair but i looked up pics of them WITH facial hair and its still not doin it for me. sorry. huge respect tho

7) Nicholas Braun

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

i like how tall he is and the 'sad wet rescue kitten' swag he exudes in succession but idk how much i like the real life guy. this pic is cute tho

8) Kieran Culkin

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

this look changed me. i thought i had two types in men (bears and 'feminine in a queer-coded villain way') but i think this invented a secret third type for me that i cant understand

9) Jerma. Is he a celebrity? He is now.

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

well hes just some guy to me. instead of adding an actual pic of jerma i will show you the jerma bowl that my bestiecrush made which he told me to bring back to my dorm only for my beloved roommate isabel to condemn it to our hallway within a salt circle

10) Jim Carrey. but only from Sonic.

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

respect the goofy villain swag but its just not for me

11) Kayvan Novak

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

well hes just alright. i know die girlies auf tumblr love him but he just doesnt hit for me like matt berry (my wwdits man of choice) does. also i was gonna crop this next pic but actually guillermo deserves to be there too

and all of these different dudes are from this ask meme

[melancholiaenthroned]

amanda saw for the ask game :))

yayyyy tyyy<333

first impression: ok full disclosure i did NOT like saw the first time i saw it LOL. i thought adam was annoying and the bathroom was yucky and it was too slow paced. BUT i did like amanda she was like the redeeming quality to me. and once i watched saw ii i was completely sucked in she was everything to me. the way she claws at her face when she first wakes up like shes expecting the bear trap is such an acting moment of all time.

impression now: i love her so much shes the best apprentice her character is everything to me. i dont know what to say that hasnt been said before but i guess my most recent impression of her was in saw x and i just felt like her character, at the state in between saw and saw ii, was so well written. like her dependence on john but her reluctance to hurt people who she doesnt think fully deserve it... god... you can see the doubts starting to form like why are we doing this am i fixed is this what being fixed feels like... and shes so so scared of losing him... godddd. god. and her dykey outfit... i had some issues w saw x amanda was not one of them

favorite moment: DIFFICULT QUESTION hmmm all her moments r so good. i think the one that makes me craziest is i forget the exact line but in saw iii she tells lynn smth like "sure u can kill me but when john heres me cry out hell come running for me and rip off his heart monitor and then ull die" but later when shes bleeding out she looks up at john and reaches out for him and he just looks down at her and tells her its her destiny. COMPLETELY FUCKED. also obviously "fix me" and you know what can i just list all of saw iii as my favorite moment.

idea for a story: god. ok. like actual film wise i think we should move on from john kramer forever and honestly like over the course of the 4 movies shes in weve gotten a pretty good look at amandas character like it feels like theres limited room to fit in a new story. theres small things id like to see, more of her interacting and butting heads w the othe apprentices, but nothing like huge within canon bc i feel like it would throw off her arc. that being said idk how it would fit into a film but i would like to see her almost relapse post saw ii but discover that shes developed a fear of needles and instead of taking this as like. a fucked up thing. she tries to reframe it as like proof that traps work like she Is Fixed. but obviously this is right before saw iii and shes wavering but shes trying to tell herself that. developing ptsd over being thrown into a pit of needles. was a good thing<3

unpopular opinion: i dont rlly ship her and gabriela i see gabriela very much as a mirror of amanda but i dont rlly think its valuable or interesting to interpret that relationship as romantic SORRY

favorite relationship: ive said it before she and lynn have the craziest chemistry of any couple in all the saw movies like what was in the water on set that made them act that way... my only wish is that more fans made them insane rather then like. in lynn lives aus where theyre cute and healing together like no. they wouldnt do that. and then of relationships in canon obviously her and john have the most interesting and tragic thing going on (to be clear i dont mean relationships as in romantic here) but if i think about that too long ill start crying so instead lets just remember her and lynns crazy dyke swag.

favorite headcanon: oughh god idk... shes such a complete and basically perfect character to me i dont have a lot of big ideas about her outside of whats shown... like i said i think she has a phobia of needles after saw ii that she pushes through for the sake of traps that require it and then immediately goes and like throws up after. i think she bites her hand when shes really angry and sometimes draws blood. i think it reminds her of the beartrap and i think she pretends that gives her comfort. and i think at some point pre saw she dated the same vegan feminist punk that adam did<3

[penguin--person]

16 for Alik, 8 for Artyom?

hihi!!! sorry for responding late . i forgor i have no other excuse

16. How do other characters in the story view them? - there's two other main characters, dr (petro) volkov, who is the primary caretaker of the other main character, artyom! dr volkov views her as dangerous, something thats not worth the risk and should be put down. though, after artyom is born, his view on her does soften. it changes into more of a "poor thing, to be fated such a cruel, miserable existence.. we should just put it out of its misery before it hurts itsef, or god forbid, someone else" mindset. artyom views her as cool:3 she's the only friend he's ever had, and though he Does have dr volkov, alik's love is unconditional. she loves him no matter how tired he is, how unresponsive, how out of it - she always hangs out with him! also thinks she's super cool for being so proud of her mutation . a little bit jealous of her wolfness maybe hehe but not too much for any bad feelings to sprout

mm . ive already 8 for artyom:( so! im gonna do 16 again, if thats ok hehe . dr volkov thinks of him similar to alik at the start, but then he sorta . lord, volkovs feelings on artyom are complicated. its a mix of "you never should have been born at all. you should just die, freak." and "i love you. id die for you. you have to stay with me. you have to stay alive, for me. ill save you." . alik's thoughts on him are "swag best friend!!", even if he's not as playful as her, he always listens to her n even scratches her ears and stuff sometimes! hes her BESTIE and if anyone would hurt him she'd KILL them. besties for LIFE