#( plotting call ) / * a potato flew around my room before you came .

[magnolix]

Tengen's Birthday Headcanons

As Spooky Season comes to a close, here's some Tengen birthday headcanons for y'all

tw: afab!reader, tengen x reader, cursing, alcohol, smoking, grinding, bondage, daddy!kink, creampie, a bit of a breeding kink, anal, toys, double pen

right away, you've been working on this for months

you, Rengoku, and Mitsuri have been plotting planning on what to do for his big day for a while now

you made sure to invite all of the Hashira, some other friends, and a few random people just for the hell of it

everybody had a dress code too, your best costume and something sparkly for extra flair

everybody brought gifts, some were big, some were little, a few people bought the same thing

Rengoku bought Tengen a whole ass fridge

"WHY DID YOU BUY HIM A FRIDGE? WE ALREADY HAVE ONE!"

"You can never have too much space to store food, y/n."

"YES YOU FUCKING CAN-"

as for the food

oh my god the food

you walked into the bakery with a checkbook and a dream

"Give me your best cake and decorate the hell out of it!"

you got it back, and it looked fantastic

so much edible glitter

it tasted like sand

(you got another cake dw)

once the party was only a day away, you finally put your plan into action

Rengoku came by and invited Tengen over to have a boy's night

all of the guys headed out to a carnival and had to make sure tengen didn't get wasted

together, you Shinobu, Mitsuri, and even Nezuko decorated the hell out of the house

one of the earliest issues was getting around the house considering how big it was

BUT YOU MANAGED

I'm talking LEDs

I'm talking ice sculptures

I'm talking bouncy houses

I'm talking every single decoration from Party City to Dollar Store

If they had it, you bought it

and oh the food

fugu-sashi for tengen, lots of it too

pudding, mochi, edamame, miso soup, tempura sushi, sweet potatoes, and ohagi

even some western foods

chips, candy, dip, fruit, etc.

Rengoku spent three days working on the food list. He did not sleep.

once you were decorated, you got dressed

a cute, little, shape-fitting, dark blue, bodycon dress

mitusri helped you dress

you looked fantastic

"Eeeeee, I can't wait for him to see you!"

"Mitsuri, calm down."

"I can't!"

sanemi called you ahead of time telling you they were on their way back

by this point, all of the other guests had arrived and went to hide

it wouldn't be a surprise party if you all were waiting in the middle of the room

you hide near the door so you could see outside

you gave a thumbs up to everybody else as you heard all the cars pull up

"Places everybody!"

and finally,

when the birthday boy arrives

the

look

on

his

face

he looked star struck

the cute, stupid little smile on his face made you grin

he looked at his house, at his friends, back at the house, and then ran in

he almost hit you in the face the door flew in so hard

he looked around bewildered before everybody jumped out and yelled "surprise!"

he pulled you into a hug and smiled

"Let's get this party started!"

the DJ you had hired put on some tracks and everything went swimmingly from there

he opened up his presents and loved each one

Giyu got him a gift card

Shinobu got him some tablecloths

Sanemi got him some new cooking knives

Rengoku got him a fridge

Gyomei got him a set of prayer beads

Muchiro got him a blender (he thought it was a housewarming party)

Obanai got him some new swimwear

and Mitsuri got him a mystery box

"What's inside, Kanroji?"

"You'll see."

the rest of the party went as expected

the day turned to night and the drinks were finally brought out

you hung out on the side and watched with joy

Tengen saw you and made his way over before getting behind you and bumping his crotch into your ass

as the guests all danced, you and your boyfriend grinded into each other with him occasionally, gently, bucking into you

you decided to pull the naughty card and went dancing with the girls as you left him with a hard-on

ooooo he was pissed

girl you better start praying

the boys all went outside to smoke and get their stress out

they all had their laugh and slowly began to leave

Gyomei was first, along with Muichiro

then Obanai

then Sanemi

Giyu and Shinobu left together

(they say they're not a couple but we all know where they're going)

the rests of the guests took off

and then Mitsuri

"Thank you, Y/n, you had such an awesome party!" The pink-haired girl smiled as she grabbed her things.

"Oh please, I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you guys!" You gave her a hug and Tengen gave her a kiss on the cheek before she took off leaving you and your 6'6" boyfriend who was wearing the world's biggest grin.

you two put some music on, paid the DJ, put up any food, and scheduled for some cleaners to arrive tomorrow

but there was one more surprise you had for your birthday boy

"I'm gonna take a shower, babe!"

"Alright, ten!"

you smirked and hurried upstairs, you took off your clothes, let down your hair, and grabbed some rope and the mystery box

you opened it up and displayed the items to show the numerous toys and special perfumes inside

you laid it out, got out a bottle of lube, lit some candles, and tied yourself up into a more than seductive position and waited for your boyfriend

you heard the bathroom door open and a few heavy footsteps before

"Hey daddy~"

damn his hair looked good when it was wet

he had nothing but a towel around his hips and a mischievous look across his face

he dropped the towel and took 3 long strides toward you before pushing you onto your back and parting your legs

your pussy twitched at the slightest movement from him

and oh did he loves watching that

he teased you, traced your folds, blew on your sensitive bits

you were fucking soaked by the end of his taunting and teasings

"Fuck yeah baby, you like that, huh? You like daddy teasing that sweet little cunt of yours?"

"Fuck- mmm- yes daddy." You whined.

he grabbed the lube and gave you a more than generous amount

your pretty little pussy was so tight for him

he had to use some "special techniques" to help you loosen up

and by the time he had gotten inside of you, mmm, pure euphoria

he pounded into you like there was no tomorrow

he was an animal

you threw your head back and saw stars as he tore up your insides

you were moaning strings of curses during the whole ordeal

at one point he flipped you over

ass up, head down, just as daddy likes

every now and then he'd spank you earning a yelp out of your soft lips

as you two got closer he picked up the pace

you felt the tip of his cock kiss the edge of your cervix over and over again

and finally

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," you whined into the sheets.

"Good girl, cum for daddy. Cum on daddy." He gave you one more spank before thrusting as far inside of you as he could. His dick entered your cervix and you felt his cum shoot up and fill up your pretty tummy. He reached over to the mystery box for a toy and pushed it in as quickly as he pulled out. A big vibrator decorated in a rose print.

as his cum sat inside of your belly, he sat you on his lap and shoved himself into your ass

you were drooling

the feeling of both holes being filled felt amazing

he whispered sweet nothings into your ear and held you around your waist as you were treated like a god

every now and then he'd kiss your neck and suck on it giving you little love marks

sometimes he'd moan gently into your ear getting you all flustered

the first time he did it you tried closing your legs

"Bad girl, you should know better than to do that to the birthday boy."

he was nice though, surprisingly

for the rest of the night, you two just cuddled as your plug kept you filled with his cum

you two hid under the sheet and you put your ass against his crotch, grinding into him until you started to fall asleep

Hope you all enjoyed that! I was planning of uploading this on the 31st but OH MY GOD HALLOWEEN so, y'know, candy. Take care guys and stay safe, ciao!

[shesloan]

since nobody has liked my starter call, here is a PLOTTING CALL!! feel free to like this, even if we haven’t interacted and i’ll reach out to you!! 

[selenianchariot]

✶ — › thanks for checking in ; i’m still a piece of garbage — ⌜ooc⌟

✶ — › a potato flew around the room before you came . . . — ⌜mobile⌟

✶ — › yeet or be yeeted — ⌜munday⌟

✶ — › you are gold baby ; solid gold — ⌜plotting call⌟

✶ — › you are so much lovelier than you think — ⌜starter call⌟

✶ — › support my clown brand — ⌜self promo⌟

✶ — › look at my friends ! they’re amazing ! — ⌜promo⌟

✶ — › i won’t hesitate bitch! — ⌜memes⌟

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Fake dating Drabble No. 5

Today with Dave York and 2k (🤡) of being undercover married to him (F) because the neighbors are leaders of a terrorist organization. The leader get a little too handsy at the dinner you had been invited to and Dave does sell the jealous husband very, very well.  Steph’s fake dating Drabble week

Warnings: cursing, inappropriate touching, masturbation, implied sexual content

It wasn’t like you had a choice when the CIA decided that you had to go undercover. It wasn’t the first time and it most likely wouldn’t be the last. But three months in, without having anyone to talk to except your partner, or the neighbors who most likely were the most dangerous people you had ever encountered, it was starting to frustrate you that there was no new information you could provide. But tonight the neighbors had invited you and your partner over for dinner.

Oh yes. You also had to pretend to be married to Dave York, who was your partner for this mission. It didn’t help that you were spending all your time with a man that always seemed to be plotting murder whenever you caught him starring looking at you. These last months were hard. You weren’t used to living with someone, let alone pretending to be in love as soon as you left the walls of the CIA proofed house you were living in with him.

Dave York was a mystery not only to you, but to everyone at the CIA. You always felt a little uncomfortable every time he looked at you and you couldn’t place why. He was nothing but polite towards everyone, but there was something dark surrounding him. Like he knew more than everyone around him. Like he knew all the dirty secrets. Your dirty secrets.

But it also had it’s advantages living with someone. It was nice waking up to the smell of coffee, a mug waiting for you on the counter just as you liked it, while Dave was checking his mails on his laptop. Part of your undercover identity was being the devoted housewife while Dave played the role of the husband who worked as an accountant from home.

You knew he had been married before, but somehow you never felt comfortable to ask him any personal questions. He never asked you either. Every other day you found yourself sitting next to him on the sofa after dinner, his arm on the couch behind you, without touching you, while you watched some netflix together. So people who walked by your house could see that you were a perfectly normal married couple.

He always let you decide what to watch.

“What do you want to watch?” you had asked one evening.

“I don’t really care. I don’t watch a lot of TV.”

“Really? And here I thought you were a couch potato,” you had a glass of wine on that evening and you could have sworn you saw him hide a smile before you started a new episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

“You ready?” he asked through your closed bedroom door. You were occupying the master bedroom, while he slept in the guest room. You decided on a yellow summer dress for the dinner at your neighbors. You felt a little naked with your exposed shoulders and legs, but it was a hot day and it would make zero sense to be wearing something you could sneak your gun in. You knew Dave would be carrying a gun, he always did. And you had no choice but to trust him. Not that he had given you any indication as to not trust him.

You took one last look in the mirror before you walked towards the door and opened it. Dave looked at you, his eyes taking you in for a second before there was this twitch at his lips again. A small smile and this time you were sure of it and you had no idea how to feel about it.

“Come on, we gonna be late,” he said quietly.

He took your hand as soon as he locked the front door, a bottle of wine in his arm.

“If we’re lucky we are finally going to get some intel tonight. These fuckers are a suspicious bunch,” he said as he leaned closer to whisper. You nodded.

“I would be suspicious too if I was running a terrorist organisation from a suburban neighborhood.”

“True,” he chuckled, “You make sure to stay in sight. We don’t know what kind of people these are and I want you to be safe.”

“Aww are you worried about me, hubby?” you teased.

“No. I’m worried about them. I have no doubt that you could take them out if you want to.”

“Wow. That almost sounded like a compliment, Dave,”

“It was, just… Don’t try to be the hero. We knew this would be a longer mission and if we’re lucky tonight might finally be the start of getting things going.”

“I know,” you squeezed his hand and breathed in deep.

“Ready?” he asked. You nodded, plastering a fake smile on your lips as he knocked on the door.

Dave really could play the perfect husband. He even remembered what you were allergic to, making sure that no trace of parsley could be found on your plate. At one point he excused himself to the bathroom, giving your leg a squeeze. His hand had been placed on your knee as soon as you had sat down at the dinner table and it almost seemed like he needed some kind of connection to ground himself. You spend enough time with him to know that he was on edge ever since he came back from smoking with the man you knew to be the leader of this whole organisation you were here to get more information from.

His hand went up to your shoulder when he got up and to your surprise he leaned down to kiss your temple before he left the room. You were so surprised by this gesture you almost jumped when you felt someone sit down next to you.

“So… How long have you been married?” he asked. You looked at him, Bill, the man who was responsible for thousands of deaths. You smiled, remembering the story the CIA had manufactured for you.

“Second anniversary is coming up.”

“How did the two of you meet?” he asked and you felt his eyes growing cold. You were now being interrogated.

“That’s a silly story,” you laughed, shaking your head in played embarrassment. Bill only looked at you, waiting for your answer.

“Well we went to College together. We never really had much in common. He’s into numbers, I’m more creative. After college we went our separate ways but years after I needed an accountant for my business and his name popped up.”

“What kind of business?” he asked.

“I used to own a flower shop back in DC. I sold it once Dave got the job offer here.”

“That must have been hard.”

“Not really. Where he goes, I go. And I’m actually looking into opening a new one. Just looked at some properties last week.”

“That’s nice. If you need any help just say the word. I have connections in this city,” Bill nodded, getting closer. It took everything in you not to flinch as his hand came down on your thigh. Much higher than it was appropriate. You gulped.

“I mean it, if you need anything, just say the word,” he was so close now you could feel his nose on your cheek. Closing your eyes you thought about all the ways you could break his wrists within the next 15 minutes when you heard Dave call for you as he walked back into the room.

“Everything okay?” he asked. Bill only looked up at him, giving him a smirk, before he squeezed your leg and let go of you.

“Everything’s fine. We’re just getting to know each other, isn’t that right?” he asked. You nodded with a smile that hopefully didn’t look too pained.

“Great. Well I hate to cut this short, but we got an early morning,” Dave’s hand was on your shoulder and you turned your head to look up at him, your hand coming down on top of his.

“Oh, well. It was nice getting to know you,” Bill said. You got up from your seat and Dave’s arm sneaked around your waist immediately, bringing you closer to him and you let your head fall against his shoulder.

“Likewise,” Dave said, following Bill to the door.

“You’re a beautiful couple. Let’s do this again,” Bill said, his eyes lingering on you. You only nodded, thanking him before you let Dave lead you down the Driveway.

“Are you okay?” he whispered. You only nodded.

“If you would have come into the room 10 seconds later I would have blown our cover. Fuck he’s a creep.”

“He also is involved in way more shit than we originally thought,” he reached into the pocket of his pants, showing you a USB Flash Drive.

“What did you find?” you asked. He shook his head, looking over his shoulder.

“Not here,” he whispered. His arm around you tightened.

“He’s still watching?” you asked. He nodded. “Kiss me,” you whispered. Dave stopped walking and looked at you.

“You just saw someone touching your wife… I think we need to sell this better, I could feel him watching us all night.”

He breathed in deep, closing his eyes before they opened and he pushed you against the tree you just passed.

You couldn’t even take a breath before his lips crashed down on yours, his hand on the back of your hand, so he didn’t hurt you. He towered over you, his body pressed against your and you tried to suppress the moan at the feeling of his lips against yours but failed miserably. He used your surprise to dive his tongue into your mouth and your arms flew up to hold on to him.

“Dave…” you sighed.

“I’m right now playing a very, very fucking jealous husband sweetheart…” he groaned.

“Fuck…” you let your head fall back as his lip wandered down your neck. You felt his thigh between your legs.

“Is he still looking?” he asked, rubbing his thigh over your core.  You looked over his shoulder, seeing no one standing outside.

“No…” you gasped, rolling your hips. Fuck you were wet. He kissed you again, before he whispered against your lips.

“Good, then let’s go home.”

You were more than confused. As soon as you were back in the house, Dave let go of you and went to his room with a mumbled “Good night.”

You on the other hand were still trying to get your brain to slow the fuck down. You were undercover. This was all just an act. Right? Dave York was the best agent around and he knew what he was doing. You had to get your libido under control just because he kissed you once. Groaning to yourself you stripped off your clothes to take a shower. Which should only have taken a couple of minutes, but you just couldn’t stop thinking about Dave. How his lips felt, how his hands felt, how it would feel if he would push you against the wall and fuck you senseless.

“Fuuuck…” you moaned quietly, touching yourself, growing frustrated when you just couldn’t make yourself cum, knowing he was just down the hallway. Shaking your head you got out of the shower, drying yourself off, not bothering to change into your pajamas. You needed to cum. Getting out your vibrator your sighed, wondering how big Dave was when you opened the door and found the man in question sitting on your bed, looking at you with hungry eyes, asking:

“Need any help with that?”

[zen3to5]

J/H 6-15: Who Are You

And now we come to the Pam Burkhart arc...

Ooh boy.

Pam herself doesn't have much to do with what I don't like about her run of episodes, except that an arc that you would think would be about Jackie's conflict with her mom devolves into an unfocused mess loosely built around Bob and Pam dating. While I couldn't - and didn't want to fully exorcise that plot point, I did try throughout this run of episodes to refocus the story on Jackie's conflict. And, of course, have Hyde there for her too...

(We assume that, in this timeline, 6-03 to 6-14 play out just as we know them.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   A pleasant, cool afternoon. ERIC sits on the back of the Vista Cruiser, watching as HYDE and JACKIE play basketball.   DONNA comes out from the kitchen. Eric hops down, crosses to meet her.   ERIC: Oh, hey, Donna. Um, about this little celibacy kick we're on - does that cover quickies? 'Cause I could be really quick.   DONNA: Well, that's why I call you "the Flash."   ERIC: That's why you call me “the Flash? I thought it was 'cause I was flashy, like an entertainer. Come on, one little one. You can even watch TV.   DONNA: Eric, we agreed to hold off until the wedding. It's cleansing.   ERIC: No, Donna, giving up cigarettes is cleansing. Giving up sex is reckless and irresponsible, and I think it might cause cancer.   No dice for Eric; Donna just laughs his pleas off.   BOB comes up the drive, crosses to Jackie.   BOB: Hey, Jackie. I know since you moved in, we agreed to give each other messages as soon as possible, and in the spirit of that, your mom called last Tuesday.   JACKIE: What? No, she couldn't call. She's in Mexico. They don't have phones there.   DONNA: Uh, yeah, they do.   JACKIE: Why would we give them phones? (to Bob) Look, I don’t have anything to say to my mom. She ditched me, and that’s all I need to know.   ERIC: Oh, man, that's... that’s really sad. It's, like, a mother and daughter divided. (to Donna) So, hey, what about some second base action?   BOB: (to Eric) What did I tell you about talking about the bases, Flash?   Eric turns to Donna, aghast.   ERIC: Donna!   DONNA: (shrugs) He doesn't know why.   She exits down the driveway.   BOB: Jackie, you should cut your mom a break. I think she's charming.   JACKIE: If she calls again, just tell her I don't want to see her.   BOB: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I just picked her up from the airport.   Up the driveway struts PAM BURKHART, blonde, tanned, and beaming.   PAM: And here I am.   JACKIE: Mom!   PAM: Oh, I love making an entrance. (to Bob) Be a dear and go watch my luggage.   BOB: Really? Thanks.   Giggling, Bob hurries down the drive.   JACKIE: (to Pam) What are you doing here?   ERIC: Who cares?   He pushes past Jackie to shake Pam’s hand.   ERIC (cont’d): Welcome to my driveway, pretty lady. I'm Eric Forman. Remember me? Big fan.   PAM: Oh, right. My toy poodle Snowball almost killed you when you were six.   ERIC: I was 13, but, yeah.   A breathless KELSO and FEZ come racing up the driveway to Pam’s side.   KELSO: Mrs. Burkhart! I thought I saw gorgeous, flowing hair on bronze shoulders. And I wasn't near a mirror, so I knew it had to be you.   FEZ: And I just run where Kelso runs.   PAM: Well, thank you, Michael. You always did have a discerning eye.   KELSO: Oh, I’ve got a lot more body parts going for me than that. Just ask your daughter.   Hyde crosses to frog him in the arm.   KELSO (cont’d): OW! (to Pam) You remember Hyde? He’s Jackie’s new boyfriend. Just don’t mention I did it with her first.   Hyde frogs him again. Kelso cries, pulls Fez between them as a shield.   PAM: (to Hyde) Didn’t you rob our house?   HYDE: Well, I was in there a few times at night, but I never took anything.   JACKIE: Mom, why are you back?   PAM: It got rainy in Cabo, so I hopped on a plane.   FEZ: (to Hyde) I wish I was a plane. Then she could hop on me. And by “hop on me,” I mean –   HYDE: Yeah, yeah, we got it, Fez.   JACKIE: (to Pam) Wait, let me guess: "rainy in Cabo" is Spanish for "my rich pilot boyfriend ran out of money."   PAM: Don't be silly. I don't know any Spanish. Except for gracias and mas tequila. I just missed you.   JACKIE: Well, I didn't miss you.   She stomps her foot and runs off to the back of the house.   HYDE: And there's the stomp and cry. (to the guys) See you guys tomorrow.   He hurries after Jackie. The rest of the guys move closer to Pam.   KELSO: Mrs. Burkhart, I know you and Jackie are working through some difficult stuff, but may I just say, nice tan?   ERIC: Yeah, it really makes everything pop.   FEZ: Yeah, I'm popping a little right now.   For reasons best known to Pam, she seems charmed by that, even as Eric and Kelso recoil.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. HYDE’S BEDROOM – DAY   Hyde’s room isn’t quite what Jackie made it in 6-11 (“I Can See For Miles”) – the pink and the unicorns are gone – but the twinkle lights, scented candles, floral curtains and furniture, and goose down duvet all remain. Hyde, sans shades, lies in his bed, with Jackie in his arms and her head on his shoulder. Jackie holds SCHATZI in her arms.   JACKIE: God, I cannot believe my mom. Why did she have to go all the way to Mexico to drink all day? A good mom stays at home and drinks, like Mrs. Forman with her wine. And I’m supposed to believe she came back after all this time for me? The last time I heard from her was a postcard three months ago that just said “good afternoon from Cancun.” And it wasn’t a good afternoon. It was 8 AM when I got it!   HYDE: My dad tried to get back in touch with me once. He left a six-pack on my car.   JACKIE: How did you know it was your dad?   HYDE: He was passed out on the hood.   JACKIE: (shakes her head) You know what the worst part is?   HYDE: That you feel like you should give her another chance ‘cause she’s your mom, even though you know she’ll probably just screw you over again.   Jackie looks up at his face. He looks down at her, gives her a very small smile. They both know: he’s been in her shoes. Jackie moans and buries her face into Hyde’s shoulder.   The muffled sounds of a clock chiming catch them both by surprise. Hyde reaches up to the dresser drawer above them, slides it open, and takes out a small, ornate clock. He presents it to Jackie, who takes it.   JACKIE: This is the clock from the mantle in my dad’s old office.   HYDE: Yeah, I lied before. I took a few things when I was in your house.   He takes the clock back, sets it on the floor, and holds Jackie a little tighter as she cuddles up against him and Schatzi licks her nose.   CUT TO:   INT. PINCIOTTI KITCHEN – DAY   Concurrent with the previous scene. Pam, Bob, and Donna sit around the kitchen table as Pam relates her travels.   PAM: And then we flew down to Tijuana. I shouldn’t speak too much about our time there, but let’s just say that Escobar was intimately acquainted with the local bar scene.   She chuckles and looks around the house.   PAM (cont’d): So, this is where my Jackie has been staying? Well, I can’t speak for the rest of the house, but this kitchen is just so... kitschy. (laughs) (to Bob) It was so good of you to take her in. I feel just awful about how things went. That was quite the trial.   DONNA: Yeah. I mean, you being gone and her dad going to prison – Jackie’s been through a lot.   PAM: No, I mean her father’s arrest. It was quite the trial. I wasn’t there, of course, but my girlfriends in the Ladies of Point Place filled me in. It sounded exhausting.   She sighs and fans herself as Donna and Bob share a look.   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   Concurrent with the previous two scenes. Fez and Kelso sit on the couch, perusing a pamphlet in Kelso’s hands.   KELSO: Whoa, check out this new police academy they're sending me to in Waukegan. It's got its own pool. Oh, man, if I'd have known it was gonna be this nice, I'd have burned down the old one a lot sooner.   FEZ: Kelso, I'm really going to miss you. Who's gonna take my lunch money and tease me and pull down my pants in front of girls?   KELSO: Hey, say something about Jackie’s boobs around Hyde, and he’ll do more than that, buddy.   Eric enters from the basement door, his hands full of bottle rockets.   ERIC: Hey, since Donna cut me off, I took the money that I would have spent on a romantic dinner for two and bought me a gross of bottle rockets. Take that, Pinciotti!   Kelso jumps up and grabs the rockets.   KELSO: Bottle rockets, all right! Fez, start running.   Fez jumps to his feet, but Eric catches him by the arm before he makes it to the door.   ERIC: No, wait. I got a better idea. (to Fez) We’re driving Kelso to the police academy, right? After we drop him off, let's stop at the dairy farm, scare the hell out of some cows. I love cows. They're the one animal I can run faster than.   KELSO: No, no, let's go before you drop me off. That big spotted one needs an attitude adjustment.   ERIC: No, man, it's gotta be at night. We’ve launched so much stuff at those cows during the day, I swear, they recognize the Vista Cruiser.   Kelso drops back down on the couch and pouts.   KELSO: I can't believe you guys are going without me.   FEZ: (to Eric) Those cows will never know what hit them. And even after it hits them, they still won't know, because they're cows.   He gains a faraway look in his eye as Eric takes back the rockets.   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   The Formans enjoy a rare moment of quiet. KITTY reads at the kitchen table as RED takes a beer from the fridge.   Kitty flips her magazine down and looks up at Red.   KITTY: Why don't we ever have tea?   RED: Well, this sounds like the beginning of a wonderful argument. Like the “stuffing versus mashed potatoes” fight that turned into “why don't I ever take you on vacation.”   KITTY: Why don't you ever take me on vacation?   RED: Oh, crap.   The patio door slides open, and Donna enters.   DONNA: Um, have you guys seen Jackie anywhere?   RED: Well, let’s see... my ears aren’t bleeding from listening to a four-hour story about a trip to the hair salon. So, no.   KITTY: Now be nice, Red. Jackie’s mom finally came home from her cultural tour of Mexico's many fine bars and cantinas. (laughs)   DONNA: Yeah, Jackie’s really upset. Her mom tried to talk to her earlier and she just stormed off.   KITTY: Well, that’s no good. Those two need to sit down and work this out. (taps the table) They can do it here - with tea. We'll have tea!   RED: No! Why does this always happen here? We're in a recession. There are vacant lots all over the place.   KITTY: Well, you can go stand in a vacant lot. We're having a tea party. With crumpets! I'll find out what they are, and we will have them.   CUT TO:   INT. KELSO’S BEDROOM – EVENING   Later in the day. Kelso lies on his bed, reading a Spider-Man comic book. Eric and Fez enter. They look around and notice a distinct lack of packed bags.   ERIC: Kelso, you’re not packed? You’ve only got one more day before you leave for the police academy.   FEZ: Don’t forget to pack gasoline and matches so you can burn that one down too.   He and Eric laugh. Kelso frowns, flips around to sit against his pillow.   KELSO: I don't need gasoline to burn stuff down. All I need is these two hands and a lack of adult supervision. Anyway, I'm not going. I decided I didn't want to be a cop.   ERIC: But, Kelso, I thought you wanted to impress the mother of your child and give your life a purpose... and pull over girls for speeding while foxy.   KELSO: No, I got my reasons. I mean, I don't want to leave when things are going so good for me and Brooke. Plus, blue isn't a very good color for me.   FEZ: What, are you crazy? You take blue to a whole new level.   Kelso shrugs, bends down to pull on his shoes.   KELSO: All right, let's go blast some cows.   ERIC: Whoa. All you talk about is being a cop. You haven't focused on anything this hard since you thought you heard your name on Led Zeppelin II.   KELSO: It's in there. In "Whole Lotta Love," he clearly sings "Kelso lotta love."   FEZ: Kelso, we're not gonna let you throw your life away.   ERIC: Yeah, man. We’re gonna make sure you become a cop. Now, I’ll have the car ready tomorrow, bright and early. (to Fez) You help him pack.   He starts for the door.   KELSO: Why aren’t you helping?   ERIC: My mom’s having a tea party.   Fez and Kelso start to laugh. Eric smiles, nods.   ERIC (cont’d): Yeah. Pam’ll be there.   He waves an airy salute and strolls out of the room as the smiles fall from Fez and Kelso’s faces.   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – EVENING   The tea party is impending. Red sits in the middle of the couch, frowning, while Donna sits at the piano.   Kitty enters from the kitchen with an elaborate tea tray set and puts it down in front of Red on the coffee table.   KITTY: Okay, here, Red, try this tea. It'll make you feel British. (doing English accent) “Mum's the word, guvnor.” (laughs)   RED: Kitty, this is America. We bomb countries that drink tea.   KITTY: Well, that's because coffee keeps us awake all night, and we wake up in such a bad mood, we have to bomb someone.   Jackie and Hyde enter from the kitchen. Between the tea set and everyone’s attention snapping their way, it’s not hard to realize something’s up.   HYDE: What’s going on?   Jackie’s eyes fall on the tea tray.   JACKIE: (gasps) Are you throwing me a tea party?   KITTY: Sort of. (laughs) We have Earl Gray, and Chamomile, and your mother’s coming over, and English Breakfast.   JACKIE: What?   DONNA: Yeah, Jackie. My dad’s bringing her over any minute.   Jackie glares at Donna and Kitty. Without looking away from them, she throws her hand back behind her. Hyde takes it, and she lets him lead her to the door. Kitty hurries to block their way.   KITTY: No, no, no. Jackie, you need to sit down with your mom and talk about what happened.   JACKIE: Mrs. Forman, I can’t even look my mom in the eye. I mean, I never thought I’d say this, but there comes a point when a person is too tan.   She and Hyde try to get around Kitty, but she moves to block them again.   KITTY: No, Jackie –   The doorbell rings.   KITTY (cont’d): (to Jackie) Ooh, I bet that’s your mom now. (to Red) Red, get the door. (to Jackie) Just – just try the tea.   Jackie gives up and Hyde follows her lead; they let Kitty herd them over to the couch as Red gets up and crosses to Donna.   RED: How did my house become the one all these things happen in? This should be at your house. Bob likes company.   He doesn’t wait for an answer but goes to the door. In step Bob and Pam.   PAM: Hi, Red. I’m Pam Burkhart. I believe you knew my husband.   RED: Well, if by “knew” you mean “got screwed over by him and his crooked city council,” then yes.   He steps aside, lets Pam and Bob in. Jackie and Hyde stand, as if to leave, but Kitty moves between them and the way to the kitchen door.   PAM: (to Kitty) You made tea. Oh, I love tea.   BOB: So do I.   RED: Of course you do, Bob.   PAM: (to Jackie) Hi, honey.   JACKIE: Hi. And by "hi," I mean “not hi,” because I'm not talking to you, even though I'm talking now. So, I'm just gonna stop talking, starting now. Oh! Dang it. Starting now. And now. Shoot! Starting –   HYDE: Yeah, yeah, they got it, Jaq.   He helps her sit back down on the couch. Pam sits on the other side of her.   PAM: This is awkward. (beat) Why don't I tell a story about something charming I did in Mexico?   Eric rushes in from upstairs, rounds the coffee table, and throws himself into Red’s chair.   ERIC: (breathless) I'd love to hear it.   PAM: There was this woman on a beach in Cozumel, and normally, I wouldn't talk to someone who had such bad skin, but she was selling the cutest hair clips... (takes them from her purse) So, here.   She hands the bag of hair clips to Jackie.   JACKIE: You know, I'd tell you that this doesn't fix anything, but I'm not talking to you. Oh, shoot! Starting now!   She throws the bag across the room. Donna catches the bag and looks it over.   DONNA: Damn, these are cute.   PAM: Look, Jackie, when your father got into trouble, I panicked. But that doesn't mean I stopped caring about you. I know that you've got hostile feelings towards me, but I'm your mother, and I love you. And I promise I'll never leave you again.   BOB: I believe her.   ERIC: Me, too.   Kitty, Red, and Hyde all roll their eyes.   JACKIE: Mom, a good time to tell me you loved me was the day Daddy went to prison, not two months later on a postcard from La Cantina Cucaracha in Guadalajara.   She stands and storms past Kitty into the kitchen. Immediately, she sticks her head back into the living room.   JACKIE (cont’d): Starting now!   And with that, she leaves for good.   Hyde also stands, crosses to Kitty.   HYDE: Mrs. Forman, I hate saying this, ‘cause you usually know what to do, but stop helping with our parents!   He follows Jackie into the kitchen.   Donna holds up the bag of hair clips.   DONNA: Mrs. Burkhart, if Jackie seriously doesn't want these, can I have them?   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – EVENING   The aftermath of the tea party. Kitty packs up her tea tray as Red stands by, looking more than a little smug. Donna sits on the couch, examining her new hair clips.   RED: Well, whaddya know? A sissy, pansy-ass tea party just couldn’t bring Jackie and her ditzy lush of a mother together. If only we knew someone who could see that these things never work out. Well, I guess that’s just another crazy dream.   KITTY: All right, mister. (pushes tea tray into his hands) Just for that, you can put all this away.   Red rolls his eyes but does as he’s told, exits into the kitchen with the tray. Kitty drops down onto the couch next to Donna.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, maybe he’s right. Maybe we should leave this between Jackie and her mom.   DONNA: No, Mrs. Forman, if Jackie won’t even listen to her mom, we need to help them patch things up. Moms and daughters should get along, even if one of them’s a little ditzy or a little... Tequila-y.   Kitty smiles. She knows why this matters to Donna.   KITTY: Have you heard from Midge since you came back from California?   DONNA: A few times. Not a lot.   Kitty pats Donna’s knee.   KITTY: Well, you’re eighteen now, so what do you say you join me at the home bar for a nice Manhattan?   She laughs, leads Donna over to the drinks.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – EVENING   Concurrent with the previous scene from Red’s exit.   Red sets the tea tray down on the island. Jackie and Hyde come up from the basement, Hyde carrying Schatzi.   JACKIE: Oh, Mr. Forman, I don’t know what to do!   She rushes over and hugs him around the chest. Red throws his hands up, glares at Hyde.   RED: This again? Why the hell aren’t you handling this? You’re right there!   Hyde can only shrug in reply as Jackie refuses to let Red go.   BUMPER   INT. KELSO’S BEDROOM – DAY   The next morning. The sheets are pulled up all the way to the headboard over the mass in the bed.   Eric, knocking even as he opens the door, strolls in with Fez behind.   ERIC: (to Kelso) Hey, come on, buddy. Time to go to cop school.   He pulls the sheets back and finds Kelso’s pillows lined up as a decoy.   ERIC (cont’d): I don't believe this.   FEZ: I know. King-size pillows on a twin-size bed? Why didn't I think of that?   ERIC: Man, he just split on us.   Their eyes are drawn to the closet as a rustling and banging sound leaks out from behind the door.   KELSO (v.o.): Ow!   Eric and Fez share a look.   ERIC: (flat) Yeah, he's definitely gone. I guess we'll just leave then.   In lockstep, he and Fez stomp their feet in place. Fez shuts the door, hard enough for the CLICK to clearly register.   The closet door opens and out steps Kelso. He finds Eric and Fez waiting for him, arms crossed.   KELSO: Oh, that's not fair. You guys made leaving sounds.   ERIC: Kelso, enough kidding around. We’ve got all your bags packed. Let’s go.   Kelso makes a show of heaving a sigh. Dragging his feet, he follows Eric and Fez until they reach...   INT. KELSO HALLWAY – DAY   ... Where he promptly runs turns around and runs down the opposite end of the hall.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – DAY   The girls are both out. The room is seemingly empty until Eric and Fez enter. They immediately move to the closet and throw it open, where they find Kelso crouched down on the floor.   KELSO: That’s not fair either. You didn’t even look anywhere else.   Eric notices that Kelso’s hands are closed around something.   ERIC: Kelso, is that Donna’s underwear?   Kelso doesn’t meet Eric’s eyes. He tosses the panties at Eric, springs out past him and Fez, and shoots out of the room.   CUT TO:   INT. HYDE’S BEDROOM – DAY   Hyde and Jackie are cuddling together on the bed, with Schatzi seated on the edge. They seem ready to doze off when a rustling sound comes from behind the curtain. Jackie and Hyde look over towards it.   JACKIE: Fez?   KELSO (v.o.): (doing Fez) “Yes. This is Fez. Don’t mind me. I am just here doing ‘Fez’ things.”   Hyde and Jackie share a look.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   Eric and Fez lean against the Vista Cruiser. Eric has Donna’s panties in his hands.   ERIC: Damn. Getting these back from Kelso is the closest thing to action I’ve had since that marriage counseling session. I can’t believe how seriously Donna’s taking this celibacy thing. Fez, how do you cope with not getting any?   FEZ: I think you know how I cope. When you don’t see me, I’m coping.   Hyde comes around from the back of the house, dragging a sputtering, gasping Kelso by his collar.   HYDE: (to Eric) Hey. You missing one brain-dead cop-in-training?   He throws Kelso out in front of him. Kelso staggers, spins around, gets upright.   KELSO: (to Hyde) A simple “get out of my room, please” would have worked just as well.   ERIC: (to Kelso) Okay, just get in the car.   KELSO: You know, you guys can take me to the academy, but as soon as you leave, I’m gone.   ERIC: All right, Kelso, that’s it. I haven’t had sex in weeks. Fez is in a drought not seen since the Great Dust Bowl. We are tightly wound. So you’d better tell us what your real problem is, or we’re gonna freakin’ throttle you!   FEZ: (to Kelso) I will tear you apart like a lion.   KELSO: Okay, look, I don't want to tell you guys, because I'm afraid you're gonna make fun of me.   HYDE: Oh, Kelso - of course we're gonna make fun of you.   KELSO: All right, fine. You know what? It's like I'm going to a new school, okay? And I'm worried that I'm not gonna be able to make friends. First off, I'm so much better looking than everyone else. The only reason you guys are friends with me is 'cause you met me before I blossomed.   HYDE: Man, you should be worried about something that could actually happen, like handcuffing yourself to a horse.   ERIC: Look, Kelso, here's the thing - you've stolen my stuff, and you've burned my stuff... you've even groped my stuff. But I still hang out with you because you are a great guy. Come on - you're Michael Kelso, right? You're bulletproof.   Kelso lets the words sink in. Slowly, he smiles and nods.   KELSO: Dammit, you're right. I am bulletproof. All right - let's get going!   ERIC: All right!   He, Kelso, and Fez move to pile into the Vista Cruiser as Hyde heads back inside.   Eric takes Kelso by the arm and pulls him aside.   ERIC: Hey, by the way – um, you're not actually bulletproof.   He claps Kelso on the shoulder and lets him think about that as he gets behind the wheel.   BUMPER   INT. PINCIOTTI KITCHEN – DAY   Later that afternoon. Donna, Jackie, and Hyde all sit around the kitchen table. Jackie is holding on tight to Hyde’s hand with both of hers.   DONNA: Jackie, just go see your mom.   JACKIE: Why should I? She’s only here ‘til she finds a new meal ticket.   DONNA: Jackie, she chose you over golden sunsets, frozen margaritas... man, why aren't we down there?   JACKIE: Donna, you don't get her, because you'll never understand the intoxicating quality of getting anything you want with your looks.   She lets go of Hyde, stands, and exits out into the yard.   DONNA: (to Hyde) Okay, that girl does not know how to accept help. “You’re not pretty enough to understand, Donna.” “I’m too cool to live with you, Donna.” “You must be colorblind if you think that’s a good outfit, Donna.” You try acting that way when my uncle Carmine offers to do you a favor, see what happens.   HYDE: Man, none of you are helping.   He stands, crosses to the island. Donna follows.   DONNA: What do you mean?   HYDE: You all keep trying to make Jackie sit down and work things out with her mom, all Partridge Family, when you don’t even get what she’s going through.   DONNA: Of course I get it. Her mom left. It happened to me, too.   HYDE: Donna, your mom told you she was leaving, and she knew you still had your dad. Jackie found out her mom wasn’t coming back two months after her dad went to prison from a postcard sent from a nudie beach in Acapulco.   DONNA: Okay, well... why would she come back to the town her daughter’s living in if all she wants is a meal ticket?   HYDE: When my parents came back into town, I was the meal ticket.   DONNA: Fine, whatever! Look, Jackie’s mother is a lovely woman. I still say she came back to be with her daughter, not to find some lonely rich guy.   The kitchen door swings open. Bob and Pam lean inside.   BOB: Donna, Pam and I are gonna catch a movie.   PAM: It’s my first American date in months!   Giggling, they lean back out.   DONNA: (to Hyde) Jackie’s mother is a gold-digging tramp!   Hyde frowns at her as Donna slams a palm down on the island.   CUT TO:   EXT. POLICE ACADEMY – NIGHT   The police academy of Waukegan, a stately training facility for Wisconsin’s finest. The courtyard is filled with cadets and officers.   The Vista Cruiser is pulled just outside the main entrance. Fez and Eric sit on the back as Kelso shakes their hands one at a time.   KELSO: Okay, I'm all set. So, here I go.   ERIC: Kelso, you're gonna do great. But, hey, just in case, I packed some extra cookies in your lunch to help you make friends.   He hands him a paper lunch bag.   FEZ: Oh, um... I ate the cookies. Try to find a friend who likes carrots.   KELSO: Okay. Well... guess this is it. Hey, give those cows hell, boys.   Slowly, he makes his way into the academy. Every few steps, he stops and looks over his shoulder, but he presses on.   Just as he’s about to reach the center of the courtyard, Eric hops off the back of the Vista Cruiser and starts waving.   ERIC: Hey, Kelso, I love you!   The other cops all turn to stare. Kelso shrinks under their gaze.   KELSO: (to Eric) Shut up!   ERIC: Oh, come on, Kelso, you know I love you!   KELSO: Eric, quit it!   FEZ: (with passion) I love you the most!   Eric and Kelso both stare at Fez.   ERIC: I was just kidding.   FEZ: (beat) So was I. So was I.   He retreats inside the Vista Cruiser.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   After the drive back. Hyde sits in his chair, Eric sits on the top of the couch, and Fez sits in the couch properly on the other end. He and Hyde have a few bottle rockets in hand each, while Eric holds the greater bundle.   HYDE: So, no cows out in the field?   ERIC: None. Man, what are we gonna do with all these bottle rockets?   He and Hyde both slowly turn toward Fez. He sighs and grabs the stupid helmet.   FEZ: Fine, I'll be the cow. But this time, count all the way to ten.   ERIC: You got it, buddy.   Fez jumps up and races out the basement door.   ERIC: One...   HYDE: Ten.   They jump up and hurry after Fez.   END.

[softupshur]

The Lord Rejoices: Chapter 15

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Ao3 link if you’re into that kind of thing

~Updates every Sunday~

During Temple Gate’s founding years, Marta nears womanhood and wonders of God’s plan for her.

*Warning that this is one of the more disturbing/squicky chapters and please proceed with caution*

Chapter 15:

The days that followed blurred together. The slaughterhouse became as regular as trips to the market. More animals died at Marta’s hand, some sick and needing rest, but a few remained strong and hearty until their final breath. Knoth’s praises always followed.

No longer did Marta bat an eye nor wretch at the stench. It had become so much a part of her that people crinkled their noses and whispered as she passed them, but she never stayed long enough to hear them theorize on her state and smell.

As time passed, Knoth shirked his duties so long that he abandoned Marta for a day at the chapel. While he tended to his flock, Marta saw to her chores and went to gather firewood. Axe in hand, she travelled into the forest. She came to a clearing with a barren stump in the center. Around it lay several logs. Townsmen often used the space for gathering lumber when they hadn’t room in their own yards for the task, but today, only Otis worked on breaking down pieces of wood. He paused and sniffed at the air, but when he looked around, he couldn’t see Marta until she stepped forward.

“Good day.”

He flinched. “Oh, hey...didn’t hear you come up.”

“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Otis shook the last of his nerves then stepped aside. “You want the block for a little?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Be my guest.”

He set a piece of wood on the stump, and she thanked him before bringing the axe down.

“Don’t mention it.” He drank from his canteen as she swung the axe again.

“How have you been?” Marta asked.

He shrugged. “I’ve been okay, aside from falling behind on chores, as you can see.”

“That makes two of us.”

Another swing.

“Well, you’ve been busy, right?” His question came slowly, deliberately.

“...Yes.”

“And Knoth is still making you do his chores?”

“I volunteered.” Marta’s grip tightened as she chopped a block, then waited for Otis to place the next one.

“My mistake,” he uttered.

“It’s fine.”

Splinters flew off the last cut, falling with the dead leaves on the ground.

“I’ve been…” She chopped another block as she searched for an answer. “Okay.”

“That’s good. People have been saying some weird things and I wasn’t sure if you were alright.”

“What do they say?” Marta looked up.

“Everyone thinks Knoth is training you for something, but no one knows what. They only say he’s acting strangely and you always smell of blood.”

“Do I reek of it now?”

“...A little.”

“Think nothing of it.” Marta wiped the sweat from her brow. “I needed to pick up meat from the slaughterhouse for tonight’s dinner.”

“Alright.” Otis fetched more wood.

“And how is Paige?” Marta asked after another cut. “I seldom see her in town these days.”

“Because she’s been sick,” He answered too quickly. When Marta raised an eyebrow, he continued, “The colder months most likely.”

“I’m sorry to hear.”

“It’s fine, just a cold. A little rest and she’ll be alright.”

“Is there anything I can do to help? If you have chores to attend to, I can go to your home and aid Paige in her housework so she may rest.”

“No!” He blurted loudly enough to make Marta stop and stare. He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to worry about us, really. She’s probably asleep anyways. No need to wake her.”

“Yes, but...I had still hoped to see her, even if only for a moment. I never did apologize about…” She bit her lip. “Georgette, right?”

“Forget it. It’s no big deal.” Otis avoided meeting her gaze.

“Are you sure? She seemed awfully upset at the time.”

“It’s not like you did it on purpose. She won’t stay mad forever.”

“So she is mad.”

“No-no! What I mean is she was mad, but she’s fine now!”

“Except her cold.”

“Right, the cold!” Otis attempted a smile which Marta returned with narrowed eyes.

“Can you get me one last block of wood?”

“Oh, sure…”

Once he set it before her, he nearly jumped at how fast and hard the axe came down, splitting the wood in two.

Otis went to tie his own collection. “I need to get going.” He’d have left without a goodbye if Marta hadn’t called after him.

“Good day and God bless,” she said, her voice flat.

“Yeah...God bless,” Otis muttered without facing her.

Marta watched him hurry off. He might have ran if not for the wood anchoring him. Marta decided to follow him.

Not once did Otis turn as she trailed behind. Even if he did, he wouldn’t have spotted her weaving through the shadows cast by the trees. She took great effort to keep her steps silent when lingering outside his home. There, she waited until Paige opened the door to let Otis in. She wore oven mitts and a stained apron, smiling sweetly as ever, chattering about something Marta couldn’t hear. They disappeared inside and Marta returned home for the evening.

Marta cooked dinner as any other night, but rather than inquire about Knoth’s day, she asked of blood.

“People take notice of the scent. They’ve begun to talk.”

“Then let them,” he replied. “So long as you confirm nothing, idle prattle is all it will be.”

“But it gives me away.”

They locked eyes for a moment before he nodded. “I have an idea.” He left the table and returned with a small globe on a thin chain. Incense seeped through. “Take this with you when you go through town. It will mask the scent and if any ask, say that you returned from chapel.”

“Thank you. I shall try that.”

Without another word on the matter, they dined like any other night.

The following evening, Marta lingered outside the Walsh home again. She dared to draw closer, with the incense burner tied around her waist.

Framed by a brightly lit window, Paige and Otis dined together. Seth preferred to build a mound out of his mashed potatoes to bury his vegetables. Once or twice, Otis scolded Seth, but Seth would only chomp into the juicy steak and demand dessert after putting the intact vegetables on Paige’s plate.

When Marta tired of watching, she returned home and retired for bed without dinner.

Each night, Marta watched them through that window.

Sometimes, Knoth caught her sneaking in long past supper. He sat at the empty table, leaving the kitchen untouched. Marta waited for a scolding, but only received wordless stares as she walked past him to retire for bed. Not once did he ask where she had been.

One evening, curtains shielded the window that Marta usually watched them through. All the lights had been snuffed out, from the kitchen to the living room, even the porch. Only a faint glow came from one of the bedroom windows. Though that window was covered as well, Marta drew closer. She removed her boots so that she could step onto the porch without disturbing the creaky planks. Tiptoeing, Marta made her way to the outside of the bedroom where she could barely hear them.

“I can’t do this.” Otis’s voice broke through first.

“Yes, you can,” Paige made no effort to manage her tone. “Just stick it in there and I’ll tell you what to do.”

Marta covered her mouth. She considered running, but remained when the talk continued.

“But what if I hurt you?”

Paige groaned. “Then I’ll tell you and you could pull it out and try again! We just have to focus!”

“But—”

“Stop it! We can’t put this off any longer. It has to be tonight.”

“What if we wake up Seth?”

“Otis, oh my God!” Paige nearly shouted. “If Seth wakes up then you just put him back to bed! You could tell him whatever you want afterwards, but right now, just do it.”

“Alright, alright…”

Marta held her breath in the silence that followed, only releasing it when Paige spoke again.

“What the hell are you waiting for!?”

“There has to be another way.” Otis said almost too quietly to hear. “This is too dangerous.”

“Otis!”

“No! I’m not doing it! We’ll think of something else!”

“By the time we ‘think of something else,’ it’ll be too late! Either you help me or I’ll do it myself!”

“Paige, give that back!”

“No! I’m doing this whether you like it or not! If you want to help, get the mirror so I don’t mess up!”

Marta could hear Otis’s footsteps run off for a moment, though they quickly returned.

A gasp from Paige followed as if someone knocked the breath out of her, then a slight groaning.

Eyes wide, Marta sank to sit, her back against the wall. Every whimper, moan, and cry that broke through the wall made her shrink further into herself. Her head hung low as she tried to discern the sounds as pain or pleasure.

Then came a final, loud cry. It lacked the restraint of the other sounds, making Marta jolt up. She took her shoes and went far enough so she could no longer hear the two.

For a good time, she waited in the darkness when the front door flew open.

Otis exited with a bloodied sheet gathered in his arms. Setting it down, he then fetched a shovel from the shed. He looked over the area, missing Marta in the dark, reclaimed the sheet, and departed.

If not for her unnaturally long strides, Marta would have struggled to keep up with him as he ran. He would slow only when passing certain houses too closely. Despite his apparent carefulness, he never looked back until he reached the outskirts of town. Even so, he pressed forward.

Without the buildings’ shadows to hide her, Marta fell further behind, making do with cliffs and jags to mask her presence.

A mile outside of Temple Gate, Otis stopped. He set the sheet down before digging. He only dug few feet deep before setting the shovel down, then took the bundle and placed it in the hole carefully, as if he feared whatever lay inside would break. Only after great hesitation did he fill in the hole and start back to town.

Marta didn’t follow. Rather, she went to the newly dug plot and knelt before it.

The dirt moved easily under her bare hands. Much of it caked under her nails, but she continued to dig until reaching the sheet. Dirt stains now joined the splotches of red. She lifted it and felt an unmistakable weight. Setting it down, she muttered a quick prayer before unfolding it, as if unwrapping a gift.

Under the final fold was a bloodied fetus, wrinkled, undersized, and lumpy. It resembled a pulp, but human, its eyes shut and little mouth frozen open.

[kindaangelic]

BatFam Week Day 2: Shennanigans

Day 2 of BatFam week! Yippity skip! Prompt: Shennanigans ------------ Dick honestly did not know what he had done wrong. All he had done was to mention Wally taking him out to dinner, and Damian had chucked his mashed potatoes across the room and had ran out in tears. Bruce sat at the head of the table, stunned, with mashed potato dripping down his face, while Tim and Jason offered commentary and recorded the debacle. Dick had more pressing issues on his mind than his spud covered father figure, and rushed to see what had gotten Damian into such a tizzy. Dick opened the door to Damian's room to see the boy sobbing and stabbing at a messily drawn picture of what looked like the Flash on fire. "Damian, what's wrong?" Dick cooed. Damian continued to sob, but somehow managed to string together a coherent sentence. "You-you're going to g-go away with the Red Speed De-Demon and you'll forget about me!" Damian wailed. "Then Dr-Drake will take over the house, marry Father, and he'll ma-make me sweep and mop and he won't let me go t-to the ball!" Dick listened to the hysterical boy with growing dread and horror, and when he had finished, held him close, rocking him to and fro. "Hush, hush, now," he whispered. "There's been a huge misunderstanding here. Why don't you tell me what happened, from the beginning?" "I'd like to know that as well," Bruce grumbled, walking into the room smelling vaguely of seasoning. "As the main victim in this-" "Bruce, be quiet!" Dick hissed, silencing the vehement man. "Damian, you go on. Why'd you attack your father? And why is Tim going to marry Bruce?" "I didn't mean to," Damian said. "I just...Todd said he would!" Bruce gaped in horror, while Tim closed his eyes and waited for the sweet embrace of the void to take him. "Jason told you," Dick repeated. "Can you tell me what exactly he told you?" "Well, he said..." ___________ "Where's Dick?" "Grayson is with Flash," Damian answered with a sniff. "Titans business." "Hmm," Jason hummed, pondering. Damian looked blankly at him for a minute before sighing and walking away. Jason followed his small, retreating, figure with his eyes and just as Damian turned the corner, called him back. "Hey, Dami!" Damian flew towards Jason and socked him in the stomach. "Don't call me that!" "Dick calls you that all the time," Jason wheezed out. "Well...that's Grayson. Only he's allowed to call me that," Damian pouted back. Jason nursed his sore stomach and glared at the brat. Slowly, a plan began to form in his mind. "And what will you do once Dick's gone, huh? Who's going to call you Dami then? Who'll love you then?" "Where is Grayson going?" Damian asked curiously. Jason looked at his brother with his innocent expression and tilted head, and felt no mercy. "What, you think Dick's going to stay home forever? Nah, he's going to get married, move out, and have his own kids. That's why he's with Flash right now - they're dating, and soon, they'll get married." Damian's look of anger grew at every passing sentence. "You're lying!" He cried, lunging forward to strangle Jason, and missing. Jason circled easily around the distraught boy to catch him by the middle, and whispered in his ear. "And once Dickie's gone, who's going to be on your side here? Bruce? He's a dolt. Tim? He hates you. In fact, he'll be looking to make his claim on the house stronger with Dick out of the way." "H-huh?" "He's going for the classic scheme. Who's going to be next in line to inherit after Bruce? Not Dick, he's going to get married and leave, and live happily ever after." "Father would split things evenly between his children-" "Oh ho, but what if there was another? Say...a spouse?" Damian was shocked into silence, and Jason took full advantage of the moment. "Tim's going to be an adult soon, and why look around for a partner when the most eligible bachelor in Gotham is right under your nose?" "No-!" "Yes," Jason hissed, bending down to Damian's level, coming nose to nose with him. "Tim will wed Bruce, and he'll be your step-father!" "Aagh!" "Yes! Now you're getting it! He's planned the seduction, the wedding, the control, and once he's Mr. Wayne, he's going to do to you exactly what was done to Cin-" Jason choked off, stuffing his fist in his mouth. "Cinderella," he rasped out. "What? What is that?" Damian cried. Jason's shriveled heart danced a merry jig. This was unbelievable. The demon assassin baby didn't know about Cinderella. Talia couldn't have been big on reading her son bedtime stories; she would have probably put him to bed with A Handy List of Stabbing Techniques. It was what Jason was given when he was Talia's protégé. "Cinderella was a girl," Jason started sadly. "A girl whose step-mother forced her into servitude. She swept the chimney and sewed dresses all day long, when all she wanted to do was to go to the Prince's ball." "Was she...able to go?" Damian asked softly. "No," Jason said sadly. "Her step-mother wouldn't let her. Do you know what happened then?" Damian looked at him with wide eyes and shook his head. A better man may have stopped the prank then, but this was Jason. "She never got to go out again, and she never married her prince." Damian gasped. "I will never be able to wed Jon? No!" Jason smirked. Well, that was news. The baby bat wanted to get hitched to SuperBrat? Bruce wasn't going to be pleased, but Clark was going to be tickled pink. "Yup. No wedding, no ball, no Jon, and guess what?" Damian leaned in. "No Grayson." "AAAH!" Jason cackled as he watched Damian run away, and sat back to plot the next stage of his grand plan. ---------- "How was patrol?" "It was fine, B. I actually busted Fal-OH!" Tim squeaked as he fell forward into Bruce's outstretched arms. Tim's nose was squished into Bruce's chest, and Bruce's hands were gripping Tim's back tightly as he looked down at the smaller hero in his arms. They stayed locked in that position, Tim falling asleep in the safety of Bruce's arms and lack of caffeine, and Bruce taking advantage of getting to discreetly hug one of his children - the only way he would ever hug anyone. The moment was broken when Bruce heard a withering gasp by the corner, just in time to see a small, tri-coloured child run up the stairs. Bruce frowned, but settled for lugging Tim over to his bed, to put his clever, little, sleep deprived pup to sleep. He never did see the marbles that Tim had slipped on, or his second son snickering from inside the t-rex. ----------- Finally, there was a peaceful night in Gotham. No one was stirring, not even a minor gangster, and all the Arkham inmates were trussed up in their straitjackets, dreaming of breakouts and planning what to do once they escaped. In Wayne Manor, family movie night was in full swing, and Damian was content, cuddled up against Dick. He had previously snarled at Wally that he was not invited, and had successfully scared him off. Jason looked at Damian's contented face, and thought that he looked not unlike a very small Emperor Palpatine who had just enacted Order 66. Dick, of course, suspected nothing, because he was an oblivious, hug-loving, boob that was currently busy smothering Damian with his love. Jason spied Tim sitting next to Bruce and cackled, a plan already concocted in his mind. He hurried to the kitchen and whipped up a batch of hot chocolate, and added sleeping pills in Tim's mug. "Here," Jason said sweetly, handing the cups out to his family, who took them with due suspicion. "Why?" Tim asked cautiously. "Because I care about you," Jason replied innocently. Well, it was true in a way, he thought to himself as he watched Tim down the hot chocolate, the pills would help his sleep deprived little brother some. Jason patted himself on the back. He was such a good sibling. Within minutes, Tim had dozed off. Jason nudged his sleeping brother and sent him sprawling all over Bruce, who caught him and held him close, while continuing to watch Finding Nemo. Dick cooed and went to fetch a blanket, and busied himself with draping it over Bruce and Tim. Jason shot Damian a pointed look, and watched the boy's face take on an ungainly puce coloration. Just as Dick was about to sit back down next to Damian, Jason purposefully pulled Dick towards himself, leaving Damian all alone in the corner. Out of the corner of his eye, Jason watched Damian get upset, his rage shaking his tiny frame until fat, angry, tears started dripping down his cheeks. Jason silently mouthed the word "Cinderella", and looked over at Tim sprawling over Bruce. Damian immediately jumped up and ran to his room, with Dick watching concernedly. "What happened?" "He probably identified with Nemo," Jason supplied sagely. "Nemo left the ocean and found a new family in the aquarium, just like Damian left the League of Assassins and came here." "You're so smart, Jay," Dick said in awe. Jason chuckled and slung his arm around Dick's shoulders. "I've got hidden depths, Dickhead, hidden depths." ----------- "Hey, Flash." "Hey, Red Hood. Nice to be cornered by you," Wally replied guardedly, shrinking against the wall Jason had herded him towards. "The pleasure is mine," Jason said benignly. "Here's fifty bucks, go and take Dickie someplace nice." Wally looked at the money that Hood was waving in front of his face and took it. "Um...why?" Jason frowned. Why did everybody suspect him of being up to no good? Oh, yeah. He wasn't. "Dickie's been really stressed lately, what with sharing Batman, being Nightwing, and mothering his brothers. You could show him a good time, get to know him, grope him-" "Hood!" "Don't play coy, West, I know where your hands have been," Jason said, shrugging the interruption aside. Wally blushed, and Jason continued, "So go show my brother a good time. Take him someplace nice, buy him a little something." Wally nodded and took the money before zipping away, leaving Jason to practice his evil laugh alone, in the privacy of one of Gotham's sleazier alleyways. ----------- "That's a nice necklace, Dick," Bruce commented over after-patrol dinner. "Thanks, Wally gave it to me. He said to wear it when he takes me out to dinner tomorrow." "That's nice. Where is he taking you? Tim, pass the salt, please." "Here you go," Tim said, his fingers absentmindedly brushing Bruce's as he passed the shaker over. "Right, Dick, you were saying?" "He's-" "Father, you absolute FOOL!" Damian cried hysterically, and flung his plate aside and ran away. Everyone watched, horrified, as the mashed potatoes soared off of the plate, into the air, and landed with a wet plop on Bruce's head. Silence resonated in the dining hall until Alfred moved to carefully remove the spuds from Bruce's hair. "Tremendous execution by Damian Wayne, did you see that wrist motion, Timmy?" Jason commented, channeling a 1950's radio sports commentator. "I did, Jay, I did. The parabolic arc of the throw was perfect. A graphing calculator with an y = x2 formula would have been jealous." "Plus ten points for the sound," Jason added in his baseball commentator voice. "Didja hear that wet splat?" "It was superb - like a thousand slugs hitting the pavement, Jay. We've witnessed history today." "Too true, Timmers, too true." Bruce sat glued to his spot, horrified, while Dick ran out to check on an obviously distraught Damian. It took a good five minutes for Bruce to finally regain his senses and follow Dick, intent on grounding Damian until the next Crisis. ----------- "-and, and Father is too dull to realize, and Drake is going to enslave me! I won't be able to go to the Ball, or marry Jon, and I won't ever see you again because he'll chain me in the basement!" Dick was torn between horror and awe at Jason's sheer gall as he cradled a hysterically crying ten-year-old in his arms while Bruce recovered from being called foolish and dull. "Damian, I won't leave you-" "But Todd said-" "Jason was lying," Bruce said harshly. "Dick isn't getting married, Wally's too broke and classless to have a proper Wayne style wedding. I won't accept getting hitched at the registar, Dick, just do you know. Furthermore, Tim isn't seducing me, and I'm not going to marry him, he's my son." Tim puddled to the floor in disgust, and sought to become one with the carpet. "See? Tim is horrified!" "Tim is disgusted," Tim corrected him. "Tim is traumatized at the thought of wooing his adoptive father, who is old and has grey hairs, and the emotional quotient of a prune. Tim is also offended that Damian thought that I would imprison him and make himsweep the chimney." "That's right-" "Damian wouldn't be able to reach far enough to do a good enough job of cleaning-" "Not helping," Bruce gritted out as Tim's words evoked a fresh wave of wailing from Damian. "But the Cinderella Plan-" Bruce groaned. "Jason lied," he said, sitting down. "It's a fairy tale. Cinderella had a fairy godmother, went to the ball, got her prince, got married, and lived happily ever after." Damian sniffed morosely and swung his little feet in silence. "Promise?" He asked, finally. "Yes," Bruce breathed in relief. "I promise. I promise that Dick isn't going to have a slap-shod wedding, I promise that he's never going to leave, I promise that Tim isn't depraved enough to want his own father, and I promise that when I find Jason, I'm going to make him wash the batmobile with his own tears." "Bruce!" "Shut up, Dick," Bruce grumbled, getting up. "Take care of your brother. Tim, come with me, we're going to find Jason." "Yes, daddy," Tim breathed heavily. "TIM!" ------------- Later that night... "You ought to be ashamed of yourself," Dick seethed at Jason. "How could you manipulate your little brother like that?" "I feel nothing," Jason hissed as he wrung out his sponge and scrubbed the batmobile. "Also, you should be grateful. You got to cuddle Demon brat for a whole gen minutes because of his little meltdown. I also lent Wally that fifty bucks for your necklace!" "Aww, really?" "Dick, you are hopeless," Tim sighed. "Jason, keep scrubbing. Damian, keep whipping him." Damian grinned freaky and cracked his whip at Jason, catching his bottom and eliciting a cry from the older man. That would teach him to mess with Damian Wayne. ----------- Meanwhile, at the Watchtower... "...Batman, you're staring." "I'm aware, Superman." "Um, okay." Clark paused for a beat. "Why?" **Because I'm slowly dying inside contemplating the near future where our sons may force my lawful bonding to you through their marriage, and if I could kill you now, there could still be time for me to mould your son into someone that I could approve of Damian marrying.** "In preparation." "Of...?" Bruce swept out of the room in silence, leaving Superman with a cold feeling in his bones.

[im-not-a-what]

What the Deuce, Ch. 2

Title: What the Deuce

Summary: Neal Gold and Lily Vincent don’t start on the right foot when they meet at camp. But friendship blooms, and they discover some odd coincidences about each other’s families. Before they know it, they’ve stumbled on a long-kept secret that will throw the Golds and the Vincents for a monumental loop and into an overdue reunion.

Rating: T

Genre: family, friendship, humor

Chapter: Coincidences [Chapter 1]

Characters: Neal, Lily

AO3 link

Note: Neal and Lily are starting to get along and get to know each other. It’s time for the truth to come out.

It started with the typical getting-to-know-you questions. Maybe most people wouldn’t start to get to know someone they’ve known for a week under less than favorable circumstances. Not to mention that they were currently sneaking in extra work time on their shared game in the lab at nearly seven o’clock at night. They were struggling to stay focused, though, having come up with a baseline for a dragon-hunting plot with no title. Lily wanted to use “dragon” in its name, but a few Google searches turned up way too many pre-existing titles. To give their creative juices time to replenish, both Lily and Neal sat back in their seats. She stared at a screen full of code while he stared at polished, digital renditions of their heroine in various game-based poses.

“You never mentioned where you’re from,” Lily asked out of the blue. Apparently, personal questions as well as barbeque chips helped her reset.

“Neither did you,” Neal pointed out.

“Boston.”

“Really? I would’ve guessed New York.”

“I’d love to live in New York. Anything to get a break from my family.” Lily paused with a slight grimace. She’d caught herself blurting out something she’d meant to keep to herself. “I mean, I love them and all, but they can be a bit much.”

Neal nodded. “My dad’s like that. He does too much checking-in. He’s texted me every day since I’ve been here. I told him I wasn’t going to answer until bedtime. He hasn’t quite gotten it.”

“Yeah? What about your mom?”

The hint of a side-twisted frown earned a quick apology from her. Neal shook his head. “It’s all right. I haven’t heard from her in a while. She calls now and then. Just as well. Dad is enough to handle.”

Lily somberly dug into her bag of chips. “I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay, really. My parents divorced years ago. I was in first grade, so, I’ve had time to deal with it.”

“I doubt it’ll make you feel better, but I don’t even know my dad.”

Neal sat up in his chair. His eyebrows rose with joking concern. “We’re not secretly brother and sister, are we?”

Bits of potato chips flew fell out of Lily’s laughing mouth. “I hope not!” She wiped her mouth. “My mom’s name is Mal.”

“Mine’s Milah. That’s a little too close for comfort.”

“Mom is blonde, tall, about 50 years old.”

He slapped his chest. “Oh, thank God,” he coughed out.

As she giggled, an intrigued look crept into Lily’s expression. “That doesn’t rule out the possibility that your dad and my mom had an affair.”

“At about the same time my parents had me? I can’t see him doing that.”

She shrugged. “You never know.”

“No way. Here, I’ll show you a photo of him.” Neal took out his phone and pulled up the photo gallery. “You and he look nothing alike.”

Other kids might’ve jeered at how he had a photo of him and his father. Granted, it was his father’s birthday, and the candles from the cake unintentionally cast ominous shadows on Rumford Gold’s face. That alone made the picture a keeper. Neal’s face was harder to see, but his smile was clear while his father’s just as easily could’ve been a real smile or a demonic smirk. It was terrifyingly hilarious.

Lily scoffed from the first glance. “Is this your way of telling me your dad is Lucifer?”

“He’d take that as a compliment.”

“Hah! Nice. When was his birthday?”

“January 9th.”

The impact of that sentence was far from earth-shattering, but its ripple effect stretched beyond anything he or Lily could’ve predicted. While Neal sat there oblivious, fondly admiring and chuckling at his father, Lily was close to losing her eyes. They wanted that badly to pop out of the sockets.

“You’re shitting me,” she said.

Neal looked up, feeling like he’d been slapped with a fish. “What? No, of course not.”

“That’s my mom’s birthday.”

His mouth dropped opened, then spread upward in a grin. “You serious? That’s crazy!”

Lily didn’t look nearly as tickled. “What are the odds?”

“Yeah, I know!”

“How old is your dad?”

“Forty-eight.”

Now Lily looked a bit crazed.  “So’s my mom.”

Neal narrowed his gaze. Maybe she was trolling him. “I thought you said she was fifty.”

“Almost fifty.”

“Oh.” His amusement followed hers into oblivion. “Wait, are you joking? They’re the same age?”

“Sharing the same birthday,” she whispered.

A chill skirted down his back. Neal wasn’t sure if this information or Lily’s wild-eyed look caused it. “Okay. That means—”

“Born exactly the same day.”

“That’s . . . that’s an insane coincidence. But I guess it’s possible. There’s, like, one person born every four seconds, right? Or maybe four minutes. I can’t remember which.”

Lily slowly unwound as she leaned back. “I guess that’s right.” The puff of air escaping her foam-stuffed computer chair matched her deflating expression. And yet a lingering sharpness in her stare kept Neal worried.

The alarm on his wrist watch rattled them back to reality.

“Hey, dinner time,” Neal said.

Lily blinked. “Yeah, sure. Let me text Emma and see if she’s already at the cafeteria.”

About six hours later, Neal’s phone sang a techno tune. He groaned. The morning had come too early.

Well, he was right, but 1:24 a.m. wasn’t the definition of “morning” he had in mind. The noise from his phone was a notification for a text. He had to rub his eyes thoroughly before the bleariness cleared enough that he could read it. The light was far too bright for the total darkness of his dorm room. He checked that Michael and John hadn’t been disturbed. They slept in the opposite bunks, sound asleep.

Squinting, Neal read: Need u 2 look @ this. Txt me.

He hadn’t plugged in the name for the person whose number now loomed above the text message, but he gradually remembered that it was Lily’s. After reading the truncated words a couple times, not entirely convinced he wasn’t dreaming, he watched another data-loaded message come through. There was a photo attached to this one. He enlarged it.

In the picture, three teenagers stood crowded together. Two girls, one boy. The boy and the girl on his left looked about Neal’s age. The other girl was a few years younger. The photo had faded a bit to sepia, suggesting its age, yet the kids looked like anyone he might go to school with. Except that one of them was vaguely, uncomfortably recognizable.

Neal maximized the photo as best he could. The girls sandwiched in the boy. Both girls had long, straight, dark hair. The older girl on the left had Polynesian features while the other—well, he wasn’t sure if she had mixed ethnicity or was just white with unusual bone structure. The boy had the broadest smile of all of them. His dirty blond hair caught some shine from the sun. Blue eyes laughed at Neal. The kids were all grinning. This was the peak of their lives.

A studious examination of the boy brought back other images Neal had seen in a home movie. His grandfather, on a rare visit, had sat him down to “appreciate” a few reels of footage from the old man’s childhood. Neal did appreciate them. He got to glimpse at a part of his family he didn’t know much about. He watched Grandpa Malcolm run around as a tyke in the nude (a fact Malcolm was far from ashamed of) while tiny Aunt Maimie threw her pacifier at him. There was more footage, much of it starring Malcolm with Maimie appearing in about half. The other half featured Malcolm’s friends, who later became bandmates. The vintage hairstyles had made Neal laugh. His grandpa had aimed a disapproving but amused eyebrow at him. There was a lot to find memorable in those home movies, but none more than his granddad’s young, grinning mug. The same mug staring at him now.

Neal texted Lily back: Where did you get it? His heartrate climbed as logic sunk into his half-wakeful brain.

Waiting for her reply was painful. It took six minutes. My great aunt gave it 2 me. On the left.

His shiver came partly from uncanny excitement. U know the boy?

She said he’s my grandfather.

Neal didn’t like using all caps when it wasn’t called for. He immediately replied: WHAT?!

U know him? she asked.

He’s MY grandfather.

U sure?

It was close to an insult that she doubted him and didn’t deign to using caps lock, too.

99.99% sure.

Other girl = grandmother. Girls r half sisters.

U know the names?

Granny Melanie & Great Aunt Lila

He didn’t know those names. While he was aware of the hour, an itch in his fingers urged him to call his dad and ask for his grandmother’s name. Straight away he backed off from the notion. What little he knew of his family history consisted of his father being raised by two aunts while Grandpa Malcolm traveled for work. That was the cleaned-up version Pop had pitched to him for years. It was around middle school that Neal, meeting and befriending kids from broken homes, learned that abandonment wasn’t just a thing, but a thing that may well have happened to his own father. At first, he reasoned that it didn’t totally count, not if Malcolm dropped by every blue moon. Lots of kids didn’t know their grandparents that well. But Neal knew his great-aunts. It struck him how he had a more familial intimacy with them than his grandfather. And there was always tension whenever Pop and Grandpa occupied the same room.

His maternal grandmother never came up on Pop’s end. Neal presumed she’d died long ago, maybe even in childbirth.

He gulped and texted Lily back. Is your grandma alive?

Another minute dilated close to the point of breaking his sanity.

Yes. Lives in Boston.

A weight dropped away. Not for any good reason other than to be glad for Lily, he told himself.

Have u met your grandpa?

No. Divorced.

Oh. Why hadn’t he considered that? Maybe his grandparents divorced when Pop was really young. Maybe Pop didn’t even remember her that well. But why would his grandmother never visit? Was the pregnancy an accident? Had his grandparents even married in the first place? Neal felt a headache coming on.

And there was the question of Lily’s family—no. He had to stop drawing the conclusion Lily had directed him toward over their parents’ shared birthdays. But his grandfather knew her grandmother and great-aunt. Could that be mere coincidence, too?

His phone notification alarm sang quietly. Another text. Neal?

Neal exited the text chat. He called Lily’s number. She picked up on the second ring. “Hey.” Her whisper punched through the speaker, barely controlled.

“Hey.”

“So, uh, are you freaking out, too?”

“Not sure yet. We should . . . I mean, it’d be a good idea to—”

“Check this out?”

She’d stolen his words. A feverish heatwave stole over him. His brain replayed a composite memory of Aunt Maimie and Aunt Penny talking to him. They finished each other’s sentences with eerie synchronization.

“Yeah, exactly,” Neal finished one his breathing was steady.

“Meet me at the library lab after class,” Lily said. “I know a way we can find out for sure if . . . you know.”

“How?”

“Leave it to me. I’ll explain tomorrow. Gotta go.”

“’kay. Night.”

The click was too loud in the nightly silence. Neal played around with the idea of calling Lily back for more details. Most of him wanted to stuff his phone under his pillow or in his backpack, pretend this exchange never happened, and sleep in blissful ignorance. Maybe he’d wake up and find out this was a scarily lucid dream. He couldn’t remember a dream being so stubborn as he snuggled down and stared at the opposite wall, ideas spinning in his head like the wheels of an overturned, useless bicycle. It took forever for the momentum of his thoughts to finally wind down.

A quick self-assessment the next morning brought more grounding to Neal’s dizzy, weightless confusion than he expected. His stomach was alive like a beehive, yet apprehension sweetened to curiosity. He was a jittery mess and he couldn’t even blame caffeine by the time he was at the library, arriving a few minutes early of the appointed time.

Lily was already there. She was planted at her own laptop on a lab table left bare for kids who brought their own computers and plugged them into the row of outlets running down the center of aligned tabletops. Her thick eyebrows sat together, joined in concentration. Neal imagined the expression on a huntress tracking down a dragon through the wilds of an enchanted land. Then he imagined the same expression on the hunted dragon’s face, equally determined to find its quarry.

Neal came within five feet of her and properly announced himself. “Hey.”

Lily started all the same. Alarm was swept away by the relief and eagerness of someone meeting a coconspirator. “Hey, great timing. Take a look at this!”

He rolled up a free chair next to her. A quick study of the screen had him on the chair’s edge. Lily had pulled up several web pages, one with a UK address for a government site. It was a confirmation page for an order of some kind.

“What did you order?” he asked.

“Our parents’ birth certificates.”

“What?” Neal hunched at his own loud outburst. More softly he asked, “How did you pull that off? I didn’t even tell you—”

“I’ve been researching since last night.” Lily smiled sheepishly. “I should say I’ve been researching you since last night. I noticed you sent Emma a Facebook friend invite. I got into her account, accepted it, and searched through your page.”

“Okay. How did you get into—”

“Emma’s passwords aren’t exactly cryptic. Anyway, I grabbed a picture of your dad from one of your photos, sent it to a friend—a programming geek—to run facial recognition for me.”

“Facial—can’t only the government do that?”

“Oh no. If you know where to look, you can find someone who’s written that kind of program themselves. My friend sent me back some search results. Not a lot—your dad doesn’t have much of an internet presence, but I learned where he went to school as a kid. Got his name, confirmed his date of birth thanks to you, and I plugged the info into this site—” Lily pointed, barely taking a pause—“to order a new birth certificate. It’ll take a few weeks, but we’ll find out for sure, without a doubt, if what I suspect is true.”

Neal had been riding on her words like a roller coaster, too winded and astounded to cut her short. Now that she’d come to a halt, he jumped off as quickly as his frazzled brain could manage. He waved a hand. “Wait, wait, wait. Why were you looking up my dad? Is this about that photo?”

“The one with our grandparents? Of course!”

“What do you mean, ‘of course’?”

“You think it’s just a coincidence that your granddad is in a photo with my grandma and great-aunt?”

Neal shrugged slowly. “What else would you call it?”

“A freaking clue, that’s what!” Lily scoured her jacket pocket, whipped out her wallet, opened it and slipped out with extraordinary care the photo she’d sent him. Neal didn’t realize Lily had snapped a digital photo of the original with her phone—she’d done a good job with the alignment and lighting. Or maybe she’d already scanned and downloaded it to her computer before coming to camp. But why carry around the original? She held it the way Neal would hold a favorite CD, back before his dad wised up to iPods. Her fingers touched only the edges to avoid damaging smudges.

“You’re forgetting that this boy, according to Aunt Lila, is my granddad, too. So we have the same grandfather! That alone makes us related!”

Neal swallowed and finally let what she was saying, which was nothing but the truth, have its way. He looked at teenage Grandpa Malcolm, then Lily. While her complexion, hair and eyes were all darker than his, the overall shape of her features did faintly echo Malcolm’s. Neal hadn’t examined his own face in comparison to his grandpa’s. A few people had said he strongly resembled his mother, except for the eyes, brown like his dad’s. Brown like Lily’s. And like those of the girl she said was her grandmother.

“Holy shit,” he whispered.

“Holy shit, indeed.” Lily lowered the photo but didn’t put it away. Her hand rested on her lap. The photo stayed facing up at them. “You know what the amazing thing is?”

He hardly dared ask. “What?”

“That of all the ways we’d meet, it was at some camp.” Her elated expression turned pensive. “Do you think our parents know? Could they have planned this?”

“My dad isn’t the most open person, but he’d never not tell me this. What would be the point? It’s more likely he doesn’t know. We don’t even know the whole story. Maybe we have the same grandfather but different grandmothers. That could explain it.”

“True. That’s why we need the birth certificates. They’ll tell us who our parents’ parents are. But think about it—your mom and my dad share a birthday. They’re the same age. Either that’s a huge coincidence, or . . .”

The purposeful trailing off reminded Neal of his teachers at school. They used that tactic to get the kids to participate in class discussion. Either Lily was testing his intelligence or she wanted him to say what he clearly had avoided articulating. Because, come on, it was too ridiculous! How could the universe drop that kind of bomb on someone? On a whole family!

“Or,” Lily pushed.

Mega bomb-drop or not, it was a truth he had to be ready to face.

Neal inhaled. “Or they’re twins.”

She nodded. For once she had no words to follow with. That made him feel a little better. Better enough that he laughed in sheer astonishment at, well, everything. She joined him.

“I just realized something else,” she said after their laughter and incredulity leveled off.

“Oh great. What new epiphany are you having now?”

“You never told me where you’re from.”

Neal laughed again. “Oh, right! I’m from a tiny town in southern Maine. It’s called Storybrooke.”

[shesloan]

since everything is now freshly re-vamped on elena’s blog, think of this as a PLOTTING CALL to get restarted with everything before i throw some starters out there!! please remember to check everything over, before reacting! i’m heading of to bed, but i will send out messages in the morning! have a goodnight everyone. xx 

[shesloan]

here is a plotting call!! i’d love to get some more concrete plots going for elena, in really any of her verses!! please don’t be afraid if we haven’t plotted before, i would love to plot with anybody as long as we’re mutuals!! 

[shesloan]

shipping call !! consider this a shipping call for MUTUALS!! like if you’d like to plot something out between our muses and/or we can talk about things & let it develop naturally between them!! also don’t be afraid if we haven’t talked before, i love plotting things out and i’m honestly a ship whore.