#(( because shes so deep in denial she doesnt even realize that she IS feeling them

[royalreef]

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: friends to lovers, sub!seungkwan, sub!reader (but not as much as him lbr), smut, f reader, non penetrative sex, grinding, too many run on sentences, etc.

wc: 1521

masterlist

bestfriend!seungkwan and you, who have insane underlying sexual tension that neither of you is willing to talk about but everyone else can see.

the way you two jokingly argue with each other, constantly scolding the other one second, and cuddling chest-to-chest the next.

kwannie who envies any type of attention you give his members because you're HIS best friend and you should be doting to him only.

kwannie who gets annoyed at the sight of you giggling endlessly at chan's jokes and unknowingly flirting with vernon, who doesnt realize his best friend is in love with you and is wishing him a very inconvenient evening for even daring to steal you away in his presence.

kwannie who gets fed up of watching you go to yet another member and strike up conversation (flirting with mingyu ?? seriously ?) from afar and drags you away under the vice of 'why are you hogging my friends? get your own!' and leads you to a more secluded area.

you, annoyed (but not really) at his antics, start to pick a fight with him, enjoying the unserious back and forth you tend to have with each other.

it's all going as usual; both of you still in denial about the tension between you and the reason for your constant discomfort at seeing the other in near proximity to anyone else. that is, until things take a shift.

the atmosphere seems different somehow. this time, kwannie seems to be taking your lighthearted flirting with his members to heart; something that you had never encountered in your years of friendship.

"why are you always flirting with them?", he whines. "do you think its fun watching MY best friend ditch me the moment she sees a pretty boy walk by? what about me??"

this is now a good ten minutes into the argument. one that is usually light-hearted enough to take place in front of the other members and ends in the members teasing seungkwan about his dependency on your attention. this time, however, seemed different.

"what about you, kwannie? you know it doesnt mean anything. theyre my friends too, they know its not serious," you argue back, feeling nervous at the serious tone of his complaints.

"its not that, its just..." he cuts himself off. "even they see it, but you dont. why is it always them? .. why wont you look my way?"

that last sentence stops you in your tracks. whatever rebuttal you had in your mind suddenly going away, not knowing how to respond.

unsure as to whether that was a confession or simple frustration at having to share his best friend, you stare blankly at him, breathing heavier than ever.

"kwannie .. of course i look at you. i love you, you're my best friend," you try to salvage the situation in the most ambiguous way you can, not knowing where this is going.

he lets out a heavy sigh, looking down at your shoes, unwilling to make eye contact with you, something very unlike the seungkwan you know.

"kwannie .. ?", you inquire and step towards him.

"we'll always be friends, right?", you nod at his question, urging him to continue "so it's okay if i talk freely? we'll always be there for each other, right?", he asks rhetorically, nodding at his own question to reassure himself.

he takes a deep breath as he walks towards you. "you know .. jeonghan hyung told me over and over to just tell you, that you would love me regardless and that i'd never lose you. but i guess you might already have some sort of idea, don't you?", he smiles sadly at you, timidly extending his hands towards yours.

you accept the embrace of his hands and nod back; head down, feeling vulnerable at the situation.

seeing as he's already put his cards on the table (kind of), you decide to walk the rest of the way for him.

you step forward and run your hands from his hands to his arms to his shoulders, closing any distance between you. he seems slightly surprised at what seems to be your reciprocation, but quickly recovers, not wanting to ruin the tender moment.

like in any teenage movie, you both stare down at each other's lips, breathing heavily at the thought of finally getting something you've wanted for years.

you make the first move and softly press your lips against his, causing you both to instantly moan against each other's mouths. it escalates quickly after that. with mouths open, and tongues desperate to get a taste of one another. your hands moving from his shoulders to his hair, pulling him as close as possible. his landing on your waist, finding their way under your shirt softly but desperately scratching at your skin.

your kiss becomes so needy and desperate it's almost impossible to call it a kiss anymore. incessant moaning into each other's mouths and spit covering both your lips. your resolve breaks first, causing you to push him into the nearest surface, which takes form of a sofa bed located behind seungkwan. you push him down, readily straddling his waist and pressing yourself even closer to him.

if seungkwan had any thoughts in his mind prior to you kissing him, theyre even further gone now. he has no control of himself as he runs his hands all over your back, wanting to remain respectful of any boundaries you may have, but going insane at your lips on his and your crotch laying so so closely to his.

you take notice of his desperation and pull off your shirt, making sure to take your bra off with it. you receive a reaction you had only ever dreamed of before.

seungkwan's desire and desperation are clear in his eyes, with his eyebrows furrowed and a whine escaping his mouth at the view of his best friend's chest bare in front of him.

"p-please, god. fuck. can i- please. please let me ..." he whines nonsensically, hands and mouth nearing your tits but not quite touching them before getting your permission.

with no verbal answer you grab his hands and fondle your own breasts with them, moaning at his whines and pleas to get his mouth on them; something which he does soon after.

grinding your crotch against the very obvious bulge in his navy shorts, you whine at the stimulation from his mouth desperately licking your tits, teeth softly pulling at the sensitive buds as he whines at the taste of your skin.

"kwannie .. fuck kwannie dont stop fuck please ..." you breathe out, shoving his face closer to your chest, grinding even faster.

despite your frustration at wanting even more pleasure from seungkwan's body, you disconnect yourself from him to remove your pants and instruct him to remove the rest of his clothes. he whines at the sudden interruption, but hurries to undress himself as soon as he sees you expectantly watch him with just your panties on, wanting you back on him as soon as humanly possible.

with now only two thin layers separating you and seungkwan, you feel the pressure of his dick against your clit even more, causing you to whine into his open mouth.

you know your grinding may be more pleasurable for you than for him, but the pleasure makes you so delirious you cant bring yourself to stop, grinding even faster and shoving your tongue in his mouth, hands harshly grabbing onto his shoulders for better accuracy in the rutting of your hips.

"kwannie- fuck please i promise i- shit. i'll do whatever you want, just let me- please let me finish. it feels so fucking good," you cry, speeding up even more, completely drunk in the feeling of your clit deliciously grinding against his pulsing length.

he seems to not mind it, even helping you meet your undoing by grabbing onto your hips and pushing them against his crotch in order to optimize your pleasure. his mouth is open, letting out whines at the thought of all the pleasure he's causing you by just sitting there.

unbeknownst to you, seungkwan is also nearing his end, felling insane pleasure at the friction caused from the canting of your hips against his. he's the first to find his high, whining into your neck as your never ending grinding continues its course atop his sensitive dick.

it's soon after that you also reach your high and deflate against his warm chest, weakly running your hands into his hair, pulling him for an uncharacteristically sweet peck.

"thank you," you breathe against his cheek. "i wasnt sure where that argument was going, but im glad it ended here," you giggle as you feel his chest shake from his own chuckle.

"sorry i was so dramatic, but i guess it worked in both of our favours so .. you're welcome," he jokes, running his hands up and down your back soothingly.

after a few more teasing comments back and forth, you help clean each other up with whatever wipes and tissues are at your disposal and dress yourselves back up.

it was safe to say that after this, flirting with his members was strictly prohibited.

a/n: i love seungkwan more than life itself which is why i feel kinda bad writing such filth abt him but i also want him so bad so .. anyways this was not proofread bc im too lazy to reread this many words over again. pls lmk if theres anything that makes zero sense that i should change tho <3

[hoyotournament]

FINALS!!! Furina vs Kiana Kaslana

(Propaganda under the cut)

Furina:

the girl who saved fontaine. condemned herself to a life of silent pain and suffering without any warning or preparation. she could confide in no one, seek out help from no one, all while bearing the weight of her entire nation on her shoulders. not only did her willpower save everyone in fontaine, but after the prophecy was averted, she was finally allowed to live a normal life.

Kiana Kaslana:

TLDR: she's kiana kaslana what do you MEAN!!!! kiana is a beautifully written character who fully encapsulates what hi3 is about and she's so full of love and guilt and (most importantly) hope. she's a clone who struggles with her own identity/inhumanity and traumas extending from when she was a young child and her guilt but is so so resilient and so so so so compassionate which ultimately reinforces her humanity :)

kiana's character IS the honkai impact thesis statement. i don't even mean it as in she's the literal main character and face of honkai i genuinely mean it when i say she just IS honkai impact. she reflects every single theme that they portray [hope over nihilism (chapter 25 || the flame chasers and just. the previous era in general), having agency over your identity and your own story (himeko, her being k423 and being so linked to sirin, everlasting flames || the kaslana household name honestly, bronya, fu hua, mei, sirin), believing in the humanity's inherent worth (chapter 25, arc city || elysia <- important since as a current era herrscher, she is a successor to elysia AND as kiana kaslana, she is a narrative parallel of elysia), having faith in the youth (himeko, kevin || the other flame chasers! notably su), etc.] her character being so reflective is also sooooo OUGH to think about when you view it as a reflection of honkai's 50,000 year samsara because kiana is a representation of these themes coming full circle (especially since many of these stretch back to the previous era and elysia).

SHE FEELS SO MUCH. she's so full of love and guilt. she clearly prioritizes others over herself and part of her arc is her learning to value and love herself as well!!! she would give herself for the world ten times over because she holds so much affection for humanity!! (WHILE FEELING DEHUMANIZED BECAUSE OF HER IDENTITY AS BOTH A HERRSCHER AND K423) and it's actively apart of her character's growth :'')

dear god her growth… okok. so i think first you have to understand that a lot of kiana's growth obviously coincides w general maturity as she grows from a teenager to a young adult. but aside from that i think people often forget that younger kiana is incredibly self sufficient since her father literally left her with little to no explanation when she was like. what 8? the insecurity she feels at that! the anger she has to navigate while also balancing it with her own feelings of missing and loving him. basically: kiana has struggled a lot w instability and is thus kinda good at navigating it. ex: she isnt shaken by nagazora and literally tries again and again and again to save mei and convince mei to let her help. the thing is this fucks w her a bit though because a big thing that she does as a means to cope w instability is avoiding them (not reflective of real life of course, but in the fictional hi3 this is partially represented in kiana's repressed memories about her actual origins as k423). she can not stand the realization that she killed himeko that she's so deep in denial and doesnt truly realize it until more than 10 chapters after himeko dies! she's so horrified with her being a herrscher she actively tries to not use her powers out of fear, even when it puts her in harms way (the chapter XI-EX CG!!!!!! her literally trying to kill herself!!) she literally runs away from her friends and loved ones because she's so scared of hurting them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is why her promise to himeko to not run away is so important!! because it addresses one of kiana's biggest flaws!!!!! this is especially important bc her refusal to continue her avoidance feeds into her arc during the herrscher of dominion chapters where she both faces her own guilt/identity and deliberately chooses perseverance and hope over nihilism!! she is hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lollytea]

hi i know this is so outta left field but "line without a hook" came on my playlist and i got knocked off my feet thinking abt sobbing robert hl.

my mind literally flashed back to chapter one abt how hunter felt abt willow and all kinds of shame and guilt abt it abd trying to repress a lot of it but good GOD he cares a whole lot AND AND HOW HE'S GOING TO TRY TO BE THERE FOR WILLOW BUT TRY NOT TO BURDEN HER WITH HIMSELF *AND YET HE STILL CAME TO THE DANCE BECAUSE SHE ASKED HIM!!!!!!!*

*AND WILLOW STILL HAS THIS WALL UP EVEN THO SHE DOES LIKE HIM AND ENJOYS HIS ATTENTION!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW THE DEPTH OF HIS AFFECTION!!!! BUT SHE FEELS SO ALONE AND WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING, SHE DOESNT SEE WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO REACH OUT!!!*

ok sorry for yelling with my popcorn brain i literally lost my mind a bit thinking abt them for a moment. thank u for ur time 👋

YELLING BARKING RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES

I think it was in 2021 when I played Line Without a Hook to DEATH and at some point I put it away and haven't listened in forever. It might have been on my hunlow playlist very early on but I got rid of it because it was basically white noise to my ears back then because I had played it so many times ahsbsjnk

Listened again after like a year with Sobbing Robert in mind and AAAAA!!!! MEDICAL ATTENTION!!!!!!

Hunter is just in a constant state of absolute shambles. He's trying very hard to come up with logical explanations as to why he finds Willow so overwhelming, FOR HIS OWN SANITY, WHICH IS DANGEROUSLY DWINDLING, and he is very deep in denial but ultimately he knows. He tries not to know but he knows. He knows and it's tearing him limb from limb and he doesn't know what to do about it but he knows that ignoring her isn't an option. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do with her, but he doesn't know what he would do without her. And he's scared of the future and he's scared he's gonna lose her so he's desperately grasping for whatever traces of her he has left, even if he doesn't know how to hold them properly. Bro is constantly yearning to do SOMETHING but he can't get past the mental obstacle to acknowledge what he wants to do. Category five loverboy event happening here. So he's just gonna start flinging himself into Situations just so he can be around her, wondering why the fuck he wants to be around her so badly in the first place cuz it makes him want to throw up. But he wants this, he needs this, he's just trying to satiate whatever is inside him that wants so desperately.

Willow acts like she's so wise beyond her years and she understands everything and she's got a great handle on her feelings for Hunter but she's just as in denial as he is, except in different ways. Hunter can't even bring himself to ENTERTAIN the idea that he might be in love (though he knows. He knows deep down) while Willow lets her silly little crush chill on the living room couch of her mind, because she thinks she's got the whole thing under control. She's like "I think he's cute and silly and I'm flattered that he thinks I'm pretty but I'm not interested in being anything more than friends with him" and then lets her feelings get into all kind of mischief without her supervision because she doesn't see them as an actual threat, even though they are very VERY dangerous to her current situation. She's so stupid I love her.

They are both so fundamentally lonely. They both have this great chasm of emptiness inside of them that they're trying to fill with life's many distractions, though Willow is having a better time of it than Hunter.

They've been reaching for each other for years without realizing it. Stretching their hands out as far as they will go, desperate to brush against the others fingers. But there's always a wall, a gate, a mask, a glove, a suit of armor, a shell, a tree, an assumption, a whole universe that keeps them at a distance. So many tangible and intangible obstacles at play here. It should be SO easy for them to just come together and hold hands. They are next door neighbours. They could not physically get any closer. And yet they're still strangers, and yet they still don't know each other the way they think they do. But they know enough to know that they'd LIKE to know more. And they'd be prepared to handle whatever secret the other spills. Maybe. Possibly. If their stomach can take it.

I'm sorry what were we talking about? I got lost in the debris and blurted something out. Thank you I love you, this ask made me crazy. Thinking about them constantly. So excited for the next installment where they kiss or strangle each other or whatever the fuck happens idk I haven't read it

[sn0wp1anets]

sometimes i think about james potter who spent his early time at hogwarts with this absolutely debilitating crush on lily evans- he was so sure that it was true love; all the signs were there right? he wanted to impress her, he didnt like when his best friend was close to her, he did like looking at her, too.

and he did really like her. but in 4th year james gets his first girlfriend (not lily) and he really likes her too! (he thinks) and james takes her to hogsmeade and they go to madame puddifoots together and they kiss in the courtyard sometimes and its nice but a little awkard but james is okay with that- at least he has a girlfriend before sirius! but then they break up two months later and she asks james if he even likes looking at her. and james knows its about lily but shes like ??? sirius???

then james kinda realized he looks at sirius more than his girlfriend, more than lily. and this is kinda crazy to james because hes like holy shit do i have a crush on my best friend? and hes kind of horrified because thats his best friend. but at the same time its his best friend

and it almost feels too easy?? he's already close to sirius he already knows sirius doesnt dislike him or anything and he kind of likes the chase! but also of course he can't like sirius! so he carries on 'liking' lily and being way way more obnoxious and doing these ridiculous displays of asking her out.

fast forward to 6th year: sirius has left home. james (who is in deep denial) gets up from the dinner table on christmas eve and opens the front door to his best friend. it was raining and sirius is soaked through and they just stare at each other. and sirius sounds almost manic, ecstatic and he tells james that he hates them and he finally did it. they spend the rest of the winter together. in the day james drags sirius flying and they steal james' dad's firewhiskey and they drink it on the roof and crawl into james' bed together at night. and sirius doesn't talk about his family and james doesn't make him.

and one night theyre talking again and james feels a bit drunk and he asks sirius why he never tells him about the girls he snogs. and sirius is like ??!!?? because sirius at this point had been in love with him for years and yeah girls have asked him out but theyre not good enough because theyre not james! sirius tells james hes never kissed anyone and then james just does ? and sirius goes with it at first but then hes like james wtf are we doing. and james denial potter is like practice! i'm helping you practice!

so theyre now like kinda a thing by this point but its just 'practice' when remus walks in on them kissing in the dorm after james' quidditch practice and its just 'helping a mate out' when peter pulls sirius' curtains open looking for his transfiguration essay and finds them in various states of undress. except the night before james' birthday theyre both in his bed just talking and sirius is like i think im gay. and james is like holy shit im in love with sirius

[oathofkaslana]

TLDR: kiana is a beautifully written character who fully encapsulates what hi3 is about and she's so full of love and guilt and (most importantly) hope. she's a clone who struggles with her own identity/inhumanity and traumas extending from when she was a young child and her guilt but is so so resilient and so so so so compassionate which ultimately reinforces her humanity.

1. kiana's character IS the honkai impact thesis statement. i don't even mean it as in she's the literal main character and face of honkai i genuinely mean it when i say she just IS honkai impact. she reflects every single theme that they portray [hope over nihilism (chapter 25 || the flame chasers and just. the previous era in general), having agency over your identity and your own story (himeko, her being k423 and being so linked to sirin, everlasting flames || the kaslana household name honestly, bronya, fu hua, mei, sirin), believing in the humanity's inherent worth (chapter 25, arc city || elysia <- important since as a current era herrscher, she is a successor to elysia AND as kiana kaslana, she is a narrative parallel of elysia), having faith in the youth (himeko, kevin || the other flame chasers! notably su), etc.] her character being so reflective is also sooooo OUGH to think about when you view it as a reflection of honkai's 50,000 year samsara because kiana is a representation of these themes coming full circle (especially since many of these stretch back to the previous era and elysia).

2. SHE FEELS SO MUCH. she's so full of love and guilt. she clearly prioritizes others over herself and part of her arc is her learning to value and love herself as well!!! she would give herself for the world ten times over because she holds so much affection for humanity!! (WHILE FEELING DEHUMANIZED BECAUSE OF HER IDENTITY AS BOTH A HERRSCHER AND K423) and it's actively apart of her character's growth :'')

3. dear god her growth... okok. so i think first you have to understand that a lot of kiana's growth obviously coincides w general maturity as she grows from a teenager to a young adult. but aside from that i think people often forget that younger kiana is incredibly self sufficient since her father literally left her with little to no explanation when she was like. what 8? the insecurity she feels at that! the anger she has to navigate while also balancing it with her own feelings of missing and loving him. basically: kiana has struggled a lot w instability and is thus kinda good at navigating it. ex: she isnt shaken by nagazora and literally tries again and again and again to save mei and convince mei to let her help. the thing is this fucks w her a bit though because a big thing that she does as a means to cope w instability is avoiding them (not reflective of real life of course, but in the fictional hi3 this is partially represented in kiana's repressed memories about her actual origins as k423). she can not stand the realization that she killed himeko that she's so deep in denial and doesnt truly realize it until more than 10 chapters after himeko dies! she's so horrified with her being a herrscher she actively tries to not use her powers out of fear, even when it puts her in harms way (the chapter XI-EX CG!!!!!! her literally trying to kill herself!!) she literally runs away from her friends and loved ones because she's so scared of hurting them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is why her promise to himeko to not run away is so important!! because it addresses one of kiana's biggest flaws!!!!! this is especially important bc her refusal to continue her avoidance feeds into her arc during the herrscher of dominion chapters where she both faces her own guilt/identity and deliberately chooses perseverance and hope over nihilism!! she is hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scaredstupid]

🤝🫶🦀 for Austin!

(🤝: how did they meet in the first place? what was their first impression of each other?)

WELLL my s/i is one of dr. evil's henchpeople in the first film so i think she'd probably first meet a.ustin due to her boss constantly trying to kill him LMAO. as for first impressions, she thinks he's obnoxious and kind of a tool. he thinks she's beautiful and IMMEDIATELY after meeting her tries to hit on her because he's just like that LOL

(🫶: who ended up falling first? which of them actually realized that they’d fallen in love first?)

hmmm i think he would fall in love first. i can see him being absolutely whipped for my s/i - bringing flowers, constantly flirting with her, asking her on dates, etc. she, on the other hand, doesnt realize she likes him until after theyve spent a little bit more time together. and even then she is in DEEP DEEP DENIAL lmaooo

(🦀: how did they handle realizing they were in love? embarrassed? nervous? mad?)

obviously my s/i was very conflicted + angry about her feelings for him bc. shes literally one of the villain's underlings and she Should Not be crushing on the guy they've been trying to kill for years on end. she does just accept it eventually though <3 as for a.ustin, he (shockingly) was kind of cautious about it because the last person he felt romantic feelings towards turned out to be a murderous robot. lol

[actualbird]

0/////0 do u have any spicy marius thoughts? the more luke or luke AND mc involved the better.... the thought of this threesome grabbed me by the balls and simply will not let go. do u see marius actually being interested in luke, or just bitter and in denial abt him being so likeable?

[n/s//f///w text in answer]

hello anon!!! ive actually been thinking about marius/mc/luke ever since i wrote “instructions unclear...” but i have a...very convoluted and long winded vision of how it would actually happen

if u want the gist: marius in love with mc -> marius/luke FWB -> luke/mc -> marius heartbroken over BOTH OF THEM -> communication happens -> marius/mc/luke happy ending

if u want the Full Story and are willing to bear with me for a bit, i imagine it like this:

despite being the youngest of the NXX gang, marius has fucked before. he's fucked a bunch, actually. it's fun and he's good at it so for a while he treats sex like the rest of his hobbies, but the thing is that That's All Sex Is To Him. by the time he's 21, he's got a good number of casual one night stands in his pocket, but deep down, he....kinda wants more than a quick roll around in the sheets. he wants to not have to slip out of their bed before they wake up, he wants to make breakfast for them when they wake up, he wants something more than the song Temporary Bliss by The Cab.

and then he meets mc and for the first time in his life, he's in love.

he's never been in love before so he kinda sucks at expressing sincerity, resorting to making himself look like a massive tool most of the time, but mc, god bless her, still likes him in spite of that. in marius' heart, a deep and fragile yearning he has no idea how to show and, well. marius isnt used to not being good at things. marius doesnt like not being good at things.

enter luke pearce.

to answer your question, anon, i do think marius in this scenario would be interested in him, but for a period of time, that interest is muddled by bitter jealousy. because come on, luke pearce, who is made of fucking sunshine and rainbows and is a super spy and is mc's childhood best friend, like, how the hell is marius supposed to go against that? marius hates luke! he hates him! //insert entirety of "instructions unclear..." to express the point im getting here but moving on from that like

marius does eventually, begrudgingly, come to terms with the fact that he's attracted to luke, but that actually makes his feelings situation worse because he can (at least on a superficial level) see that luke has got even MORE GOING IN HIS FAVOR.

//distressed marius noises

but here comes the kicker. one day, luke approaches marius, and huh, he's nervous, he's fidgeting with his key, he's---

luke: can you have sex me?

marius: WHAT

---HE'S PROPOSITIONING HIM????

luke then goes to explain, quite embarrassed, that he has no sexual experience whatsoever---which comes as a shock to marius, what with how luke looks like how he Looks Like---and that he wants to learn how to do things. luke doesnt have many friends (vyn scares him, artem is a virgin too, and aaron, just, no, oh god, no) and marius asks "okayyyy, why not mc?" and luke blushes and goes "she's...kind of who i want to be good for..."

marius, at this point, is feeling a lot of emotions. on one hand, theres a very very hot man asking for a fuck. on the other, this man wants the said fuck to be better when he gets with the woman marius is in love with. the logical thing to do would be to reject luke, because duh, but marius...marius doesnt like not being good at things. for a while now, he's had to deal with being bad at love, but now, there's an opportunity to show his competition that he's got advantage in this arena?

needless to say, marius says yes. and thus begins marius/luke Friends With Benefits funtime.

marius is very smug, every time he and luke have sex. he cant help that rush of power he feels when he one ups luke, when he takes luke's cock down his throat, when he hears luke's punched out moans. he loves seeing luke out of his element, whining and flushed and destroyed. they have a LOT of sex, in this point of the story, all under the flimsy guise of "teaching luke". marius talks luke through how to kiss, how to touch, how to fuck.

"you need to up your stamina," marius says, getting down on his knees. "lesson for today is don't come for as long as you can, got it, super spy?"

"got i----oh my fucking god, Marius!"

the tables turn eventually though because luke pearce is a fast learner, and soon enough, marius isnt in control all of the time anymore. luke pushes back, luke uses his knowledge of marius' body against him, luke makes marius see fucking stars.

this would have been all well and good, marius is used to casual sex afterall, but luke pearce, as we've established earlier, is nice. he's nice. he doesn't let marius leave his bed in the middle of the night because he's cuddling marius like a squid the entire time. he always makes breakfast for marius before he leaves in the morning because over the course of the FWB thing luke learned marius' tendency to skip meals out of corporate induced stress. luke always holds marius, holds him as if he's something worth more than his dick and what it can do, and marius realizes, day by day, that he has made a terrible mistake.

marius is bad at love. and he just had to go and fall in love with luke pearce too.

//makes vague hand gestures because im starting to run out of steam so i'll speed this bit up. plot happens here where luke and marius stop doing the FWB thing because marius feels the need to distance himself. luke is hurt, but accepts, and then somehow luke gets with mc which causes an Angst Bonanza for marius because he's heartbroken as hell over the BOTH OF THEM. somehow somebody realizes theyve all been idiots and the three of them have a conversation where they actually communicate, and then they all get together and live happily ever after.

and have awesome threesomes, yes, but i didnt realize this answer got this long and now im too tired to describe the threesome kJBKSJBKFGSD

anon, i would like to apologize to you, because you asked some very simple questions and i gave you this trainwreck of an answer that's....holy fuck, 1000+ WORDS LONG?? IM SO SORRY

but also, anon, how dare you for this. now that ive written all of this out, i am possessed by a need to make it a full fic. how could you do this to me. 

[enchanted--realm]

When Calls the Heart Live Rambles

Season finale, s8 ep12 The Kiss

So this was such an awful finale. Everything leading to this moment made absolutely no sense. Before we get into the whole thing, let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start *sing like Julie Andrews*

Noooo, Henry is leaving!!! I kinda suspected this already, but I didn't want it to actually happen. Man, when Abigail left she really dragged everyone else with her: Cody and now Henry *le sigh*

Clara running to Jesse when he arrived was so sweet.

I wish Faith were leaving instead of Carson.

I absolutely love Rosemary and her newspaper business. And finally Elizabeth apologized. Goodness.

Now the triangle. I need to do this very calmly or else I will explode.

When Elizabeth spoke to Nathan saying she was just trying to replace Jack with him, that she loves him but isnt IN LOVE with him. Yo I just about fell out of my seat. I was so scared. That was the first time I ever doubted she wouldnt be with Nathan. But then the whole scene at the saloon between Nathan and Lucas made me think Lucas is still hesitant about Elizabeth's feelings, so maybe this love triangle isnt over yet.

Then when she opened that package where her book was and it read A Single Mother...that's when I was like. Oh my gosh she chooses no one. She chooses Baby Jack Jack and the 'the kiss' actually DOES refer to a kiss on the cheek. I thought my awful joke that I posted earlier was coming true. But then I suspected, okay, there's no way she's picking Lucas. If she doesn't feel in love with Nathan yet, then she will later in s9.

Then, the minutes kept passing by. Its 9:50pm and I'm thinking to myself 'wait a minute. Is this enough time to resolve things with Nathan?' And then I got really scared. More minutes passed and she hadn't broken things off for good with Lucas. I could only start to think that there is only time left in the episode for a conversation with Lucas and that's it.

When Elizabeth was at the school house and Robert brought little Jack with him. I was like, 'omg my theory is coming true. It is a kiss on the cheek to Jack Jack because she chooses him and to be a single mom,' then later she can choose Nathan without a love triangle plot.'

Next...

The last few minutes of the episode. She's looking for Lucas and looking very much in distress and I'm super confused at this point and also scared and slightly in denial. 'She can't be choosing Lucas?' And then I realize what the writers are doing. 'Ohmygosh she's choosing Lucas' and then I watch the rest of the episode in horror and I'm covering my eyes because I can't watch that kiss and then ew ew ew so MANY kisses yuck.

Elizabeth choosing Lucas doesn't make any sense storytelling wise, regardless of any bias I have towards Nathan. There was so much build up for Elizabeth and Nathan's relationship. A solid foundation had been built between them, something that a real relationship could grow from and become love. Whenever Lucas and Elizabeth had scenes it was so surface level. They had some connection through her writing career but even that wasnt very deep. Everything else in their relationship, the fancy dinners and romantic dates, that's really all they were. It was all just romance and the feelings of love without having any true depth of feeling. And not once did Lucas or Elizabeth ever mention the word love with each other.

And what about ep2 of this season when Nathan confessed his love to Elizabeth and she ran away because she was scared? It showed how she was running from her feelings and living in fear and when she ran away to pursue Lucas afterwards, it showed how Lucas was only a crutch for her and a comfortable relationship rather than something true and real. Because news flash, loving someone is actually being vulnerable and taking a leap of faith which she would have been doing if she were with Nathan, not with Lucas. She isn't taking any risk by opening her heart to Lucas. There isnt any vulnerability in their relationship on Elizabeth's part there.

And what about the Emerson quote, about doing what you're afraid to do. And what about Nathan's cringey parallel with Carson 'I'm not giving up', and what about Allie's feelings in all this and her wanting Elizabeth as a mother, and what about the ep with Ned and Florence's wedding when Elizabeth starts to take her own advice about not living in fear and that we can't let fear stop us from missing out on life's greatest joys? I'm sure there's lots more too that I'm missing here but that's what I could think of just at the top of my head.

Also, Nathan was saved that day he didnt go on the mission at Fort Clay. He was saved for a reason and now for what? For a Lucas ending? They totally filmed two versions of the ending and then decided last minute who she should end up. It actually makes sense too because when she first talks to Lucas, what? She's gonna confess her love to Lucas in the middle of a crowded cafe? As if! She was gonna break up with him there. She really was there just to see Minnie. They had the scene interrupted so that it could sort of make sense with whichever ending they wanted to decide upon later.

I'm so annoyed with the writers. They obviously did this for shock value. There are so many tv shows that do this but an audience doesnt watch a show for shock, they watch it for the story. Just bc something is shocking doesnt make it good storytelling. Shock value is only good when it makes sense upon looking back. This does not. A good story can usually be predicted by the audience actually. From what I've seen on social media, it seems that the majority of viewers wanted and predicted that Elizabeth would be with Nathan. This is for a reason. A good story sets up the relationship and gives clues and leads the viewer along to grand reveal later. It all makes sense to the audience. It's suppose to be a good story and an enjoyable ride for the audience. A show shouldnt be written as the season is happening, everything should be concluded or at least have a very clear ending to work towards. I hate how writers just decide to change things in an instant because then all the moments prior to the present episode make no sense and it was all for nothing.

This finale literally made me sick to my stomach. They did this story so dirty and I'm also upset that now, the actress who plays Allie, she probably won't be in the show much anymore which is a real shame because she was pretty good for a child actress and I just like to support the youth coming into their own.

I am not going to watch s9. Catch me fulfilling my heartie needs on fanficiton.net and also, I pray that we get leaked footage of this Elizabeth chooses Nathan ending that I am sure was filmed. Also the episode was called 'The Kiss' which is very vague and not specific to either relationship. Which is another hint to the writers leaving things open so they could make last minute decisions on who they wanted her to choose.

So disappointed. From what I see on twitter and everywhere else on the internet, this show will tank next season because no one will watch it. Lori Loughlin really said if I go down then the show goes down with me.

Jack died for this????

[akirameta84]

original chuunibyo au post but condensed down for me to easily read/reference (and edited because the spelling errors piss me off every single time okay)

(this is bad btw and not very accurate to the actual plot points i fleshed out later with audrey but its the rough thing and when i link the post from the posted fic i dont want the fucking spelling mistakes and ill shut up now)

(i gave up fixing mistakes halfway through and just fixed names okay)

okay so i had this randomly while reading and like now im too invested.

So like, imagine saiki has chuunibyo just like kaidou in middle school and his parents are just like?? yeah its chuunibyo but he has powers?? and so we cant tell him its fake really? and like nobody believes he's actually an esper because cmon, its obviously 8th grader delusion. and he gets to high school and him and kaidou get along so well. and one day, jet black wings and whatever saiki calls himself are, idk, stopping dark reunion and saiki shows his actual powers and so kaidou goes even further into delusion. i imagine they make all the same friends but like they all just put up with it.

that was long but seriously imagine

 akirameta84

reblogging cause i had MORE TO ADD

okay so, his meeting with toritsuka. toritsuka has no clue about the chuunibyo, and saiki is like how did you hear of my totally secret abilities?? and first of all, the spirits told him, and second, literally everyone knows cause he won't shut up about it but obviously doesnt believe it. and honestly toritsuka has no clue whether saiki is actually an esper or just had really bad chuunibyo. then they meet at school and toritsuka sees him with kaido and is like yeahhh he's prolly not legit. until saiki ends up threatening him in the bathroom and reveals his telepathy and toritsukas like you're kidding right??

thank you for coming to my ted talk im so gonna write a fanfic for this at some point

 akirameta84

"I wear a blindfold over my eyes because i was inflicted with a deadly curse, and even a glance can leave you paralyzed in fear, and-"

Kusuke, slapping him: "Put on your glasses and go to school, you can't go blindfolded"

I feel like in this universe i somehow started, Kuusuke wouldn't be like he is in the original show, instead he's a lot calmer and actually cares somewhat for his brother. Why?...I just like that trope. anyways, he's the reason Kusuo hasn't accidentally made a real show of his powers. He just tiredly puts up with him, and made a point to come back from London every now and then to make sure Kusuo wasn't on the news or smt. Kusuo also told Kaidou that Kuusuke tries (and succeeds, with the limiters) to limit his powers, and they come up with the only conclusion, that he's a part of DARK REUNION. and kuusuke is just..done with this shit tbh

honestly im a little obsessed with this universe now

 akirameta84

is it more you're looking for??? hehehehe

so saiki doesn't use the hypnosis that make his devices seem normal, at all. prolly cause it makes Fuchsia Deathbringer (editing note: idk if ill use this but i still think its neat) look 10x cooler. and yes, I've decided that's what he calls himself. i came up with it at 3am lmao. anyways, obviously his friends find his gear weird but considering kaidou wears similar things they're just all like..okay yknow what? just gonna...pretend its not there. kuusuke has to constantly stop him from removing his limiters because he believes they're dark forces of evil restricting him, when in reality they're the only reason the world is intact.

 akirameta84

oh no she's adding to the chuunibyo post again oh god-

kokomi and chiyo both develop their crushes on him, but kokomi's desire to make him say oh wow fades away quicker, and maybe the crush itself, cause damn he's not all with it. on the other side, maybe she finds the chuunibyo endearing, similar to chiyo with kaidou in canon. speaking of chiyo, in this au she apparently has a thing for boys with chuunibyo huh. her crush on saiki starts when him and kaidou are talking about dark reunion or smt and she imagines being rescued by him all princess like. she tries the classic tricks, but he avoids them. why? because he has no time for people interrupting his plans to stop the worlds end, duh.

this whole post is not gonna be seen but who cares cause now ive got fic ideas laid out lmao

 incorrect-saiki

I love how detailed this is and it’s great

What place does Nendo have in this au? I imagine he’s seen Saiki’s powers and believes him and so he either believes Kaidou or taunts him to show his powers like Saiki has

 akirameta84

omg im so glad you think that >.< actually hadn't thought about nendo yet.

i love your idea of him taunting kaidou. saiki of course defends him saying that he can't show his powers because removing the seal on his arm is too deadly. however, deep down, i think saiki knows that kaidou doesn't actually have powers, but whether he's ignoring that detail his mind came up with to spare kaidou or his own fantasy's he doesnt know. anyway, saiki is still nendo's buddy pal whatever, and saiki deems him a lackey. just a lackey. poor nendo. but he's okay with it, cause he can still hang out with his buddy and the runt to get ramen.

 incorrect-saiki

Oooooo I love to think that Saiki is in deep denial about Kaidou not having powers and can sense that he doesn’t. He won’t listen to it and will say to himself that Kaidou’s “limiters” (bandages) are just blocking it because he doesn’t want to face the fact that he’s all alone in terms of his powers. He could destroy the world in just three days and no one else knows how that feels so he feels desperate to have at least one person who understands him, even if he knows it’s a lie.

 akirameta84

some angst and i LOVE IT

my crack fanfiction now has a smidgen of angst prolly gonna get added in it damn

 incorrect-saiki

I love Saiki angst and now that’s like the main thing I can think about with this right now. When Saiki finally stops talking about his powers (after coming to terms with Kaidou not having any) people think “oh he’s finally growing up and getting better” but nope... he is going down a long and depressed hallway because he’s a god and is the only one

 akirameta84

ah yes my favorite trope, make the characters realize something horrible and have them suffer through a depressed like state and the horror of them realizing they're alone in the struggles (spoiler, they aren't technically, they have love from people who will support them even if nobody can relate)

haha time to make him suffer

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

ahhhh the last chapter was 😩😲🥲😭😍🥰😖 goddd ive re read it like 3 times now omg... when bug thinks to herself that she wants a good guy and "what you wouldn’t give for one of them, for just one of them to be honest with you and really show you their true self" i'm like!!! girl!!!! right in front of you pleaseeee. like deep in the back of her mind she knows she just knows, i wonder what it's gonna take for her to realize because she's already oh so close... she literally mentions how she's shoved these thoughts away and how she thinks about his eyes and his "tips" and i'm gonna have a heart attack. she's just too cute but it drives me insane how in denial she is because i get her so much... when you just wanna crush on someone but you're scared of the relationship changing, especially if it involves your best friend and roommate. the tension and slow burn is kiiiilling me, and don't even get me started on how touch deprived both of them are... that sleeping scene was so edging, especially when peanut said she was "so fucking beautiful" 🥺🥺🥺 my babies. they're just too cute... the kitchen scene as well (i did listen to fantasy as i read it, one of my favorite songs of hers).

this was kind of a silly rambling of mine but i just needed you to know how crazyyyy this story drives me. like, i just keep thinking about it the rest of the day (and week) until we get a continuation... your power 🤯 and now that sweet bug is finally coming to terms with her feelings i just know the moment they finally confess to each other i'll die. like i'll pass away and go to heaven. i can't wait 😭💜💜💜 thank you lori!! you seriously keep outdoing yourself

SPOILERS!!!! Obvs 

I love this ask so much, thank you for sending me your silly ramblings, oh my god.

And since you mentioned it, Bug’s internal desire to have someone honest in her life and yet clearly, clearly repeatedly pushing this need to falsify every detail about herself (her job applications, dating profiles, etc) and about him once he joins in the dating game simply because “that’s what everyone else does” is such a REAL struggle. Her past dates have failed to live up to her expectations. Clearly she knows that this method doesnt seem to be working, but what else can she do? She doesnt know any other way. 

How much better would life be if we all stopped listening to everyone else?? and Peanut literally saying this exact same thing later in the chapter about how he just wants someone who likes him, THIS Byun Baekhyun and not some made up fake ass version of himself. I love how She struggles so much with it. How she’s mad that he won’t just do what they all do because this is how it’s done and this is what works. It really shows what a strong character he has and how much he values himself over what other people think. Idk, i just love him. Obviously they both have a long way to come. Baekhyun is at least honest with himself. Bug isnt honest with anybody. Once they start there i feel like a whole new world will open up for them both. 

A sexy world, of course. This story is about touching a penis. (But its also about touching your heart🥲) 

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 10, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

KSJ theme song with this guitar is seriously a mood. This scene is so beautiful, where its reminds him of old days with the person that he refers as beautiful dream. Its a bit sad, because jte is literally a dream for him, he is not from Korea, therefore his existence here is not real. He doesnt belongs here. But he is still in denial because this dream is where his heart is

One of the charm from this series is they always brings us to what happens prior to the ending and also sometimes its a flashback. I really cannot describe the detail but it is well done. If you watch this series you will get what i mean 😬

Here in eps 10, we got to see prior Gon meeting LR. And its beautiful. Gon coming to check the time in space between 0 and 1 (the humming voice and lady noh’s voice gave me chills) , and because he misses JTE he stop by Korea to hear her voice because he doesnt have much time, but ended up meeting JTE because she is also roaming around forest because she misses Gon.

This scene is beautifully made, with the poems that fits well, the longing, the shocking face of each other seeing each other, them hugging. The camera also plays the big part to make ot more dramatic. I love how they blurred Gon face then become more and more clear when he is closer to JTE. It feels like we can see hom through JTE eyes. Saddest part is when Gon ask JTE “have you beed waiting here?” With a worried face and a red eyes kind of holds back tears 😢 Fav part is when JTE holds Gon hand while they hugging, as if she needs reassurance that he is really here. He really exist 😢 i cried though, damn

And the poet by Kim So Wol :

When the sun goes down over the white rapids, I shall wait by the gate.

Between the shadows of the birds singing at dawn, i see the world brightening up in its still calmness.

With my eyes fixated on the traveler passing by at the break of dawn, “is that you?” “Is that you?”

I read somewhere (haters basically) says that this scene is lack of feelings, and they dont feel the longing because there are no clear timeline on how long they have been separated. But if only they think logically, they will realize that JTE and Gon not seeing each other for at least 2 weeks (plus).

We can count it from KSJ. After the revelation that he is from Corea, he took his 21 days leave. The day he took leave was the time Gon about to go back to Corea. The time JTE and Gon meeting in forest is around 7/5 days before new years, so it means Gon have been away for 2 weeks. And 2 weeks is enough for you to misses someone so bad especially when he is coming from a different world and about to face danger

Move on to JY part in taking JES role. This scene is hilarious because of the sister. She knew that JY is not JES 🤣 people need to appreciate this series and him more seriously

Back to Corea its also new year. I will said it tirelessly, Gon and fantasia from another dimention is one of the best thing exist in this series. They match perfectly especially in this scene! Its majestic and have a royal vibes. The whole scene could win its own award if its up to me. Also the speech, well written. Kudos to KES

There is 1 scene in between we got to see PM asking Lady Nohs help to wins Gon heart. This short coversation between them is one of my favorite.

PM “what can crush Pyeha’s heart?”

Lady Noh “the normal question would be, what makes his heart flutter?’ Yet you are asking what can crush his heart”

Damn Lady, love you a lot!

After the speech PM walks with Gon, fav line here from Gon, and PM startled face

PM “will you also be rooting for me every step of the way?”

Gon “as i said before, i always have. Of course I hope you dont have a bad sense of direction”

If we hear it in korean, the words actually sound a bit sarcastic. Loved it.

Also this line is superb, because it shows me how Gon is good at reading people personality 🤣

Gon is coming to police station and saw Luna face finally on the report. I love Gon glances to the detective when he says she is terminally ill, as if he sense something. And yes we got the answer that he assume, the balance that the traitor keep metioning means “those with the same face are stealing the lives of their counterparts” then we see his eyes going to Luna again. Means its also possible to happens to her. Because he knew that she has motives.

He also realize that LR obelisk located in different place. Here i catch something important, Gon has never been aware that familiar faces has always been his weakness. He realized it only in eps 13 and 15. But i realized it actually on eps 5 when he meet seung ah, he greets her as if they knew each other. Also now in eps 10, he calls her directly asking to make public invitation of him going to haeundae (to provoke LR). Familiar faces makes him feel too comfortable, later we knew that it brings him danger and sadness

Now we back at the ending of eps 9 scene, Gon saw LR alone, try to confront him with all royal guard but his judgement is wrong this time, of course LR have minions and attacking the people. Gon ended up letting LR go because he has ability to hurt people and also because he is startled that LR is actually still have the same faces and also because JES got shot, damn its so tense. I need to give LMH, LJJ and the one who play Ho Pil, standing applause for their acting! Very good, i can feel Gon angry, i hate LR was very calm, and Ho Pil angry voice and expressions, COOL!

While Corea was in chaos, JY in Korea was investigating KSJ, finally he knows that KSJ mom’s doppelgänger is working at the palace, thats explain a lot of things. But JY is in Korea what can he do? He cannot inform this to Gon 🥺 but at least he join forces with JTE and KSJ to solve this mess at Korea side.

I think up to this point where viewers will have confusion, because one scene we are in Korea and next its in Corea, poeple need to pay attention to be able to follow. Thank god i can so i still pretty much following this story okay.

Gon is now talking to PM on phone where she is - as usual - crossing the line asking Gon to be honest and inform her whether its really LR or his follower. I love love Gon expression here, very subtle and detail, its like “im having a very rough day got terror attack yet this person is being annoying and not helping at all” 🤣 i love how he claps back to PM

Gon “Hence, i beseech you, PM Koo. Do not pull the gag. Do not use the word ‘honesty’ as your weapon. Please focus solely on the safety of the people”

The Royal family actually furious about the terror attack and asking Prince Buyeong to act, actually i found it very realistic when they blame the PM because she is woman. This world is flowing like that 😅 its not even relevant but people love to blame it to woman and also because they want to get rid of PM for a political reason. Jeez. Disgusting.

Gon is coming to visit Prince Buyeong, as you know their conversation always deep and meaningful. Sometimes it feels like im watching some different movies because of how high quality their scene most of the time. Both acting superb, makes me teary eye when Gon asking hows sejin’s doing? And how Gon also wants to do a good job as her.

Gon “will i do a greta job too?”

I cants, he is just so scared and insecure 🥺 he ask his uncle to stay in the palace as the second in line. Like, at this point he is ready to sacrifice anything as long as he can get LR. Most heartbreaking words was when he promise to protect himself and he is asking his uncle to also protect himself too, thats the king’s order 😭😭 i cry a river

To be continue

[fipindustries]

list of comics i made so far

i already shared the list of all the novels i tried to write throughout my llife so i see no reason why not to do the same with the comics i tried to work on. no i should clarify, with my lists of novels there was a clear cut distinction between what was a novel and a short story so to parse one from the other was an easy task. it should be known that i wrote hundreds of shorts stories that i havent shared with anyone. now a similar situation occurs with my comics, i have done hundreds upon hundreds of little comics, short jokes, little skits and short lived strips through my life, so in order to give this list some weight and not make it longer than the bible the criteria i used was that it had to be something i did on a regular basis or that tells a self contained story with a beggining middle and end.

now without further ado, lets begin!

spike Vanderville (age 7)

you can tell i was way more into comics than i was into novels from a young age. done with pen and folded paper, it was the story about a young kid called spike, whose design was heavily inspired by bradley from sticking around, who had magical powers which allowed him to manipulate reality. it was a mix of harry potter and a series of illustrates short stories that came in a magazine in argentina. his best friend was a scarecrow with a pumpkin head that he had brought to life, his archnemesis was a fat bully.

curiously enough i was so passionate about this project even though i had no idea what i was doing and no talent that i actually did like three full colored issues of it. my family was really proud of me. sadly those comics are completly lost to time

andrew and the monkey (age 10)

this was the classical story about a boy and his best friend the talking animal. one page comedy strips done in pen and paper. nothing too clever, just a way for me to try lame jokes mostly stolen from spongebob squarepants. not much else to it. i tried to do like a revamp in 2014 but it was short lived, as you can see the jokes didnt get any less lame

FIP industries (age 17)

mostly done in digital. yes as you can see fip is something that has followed me my whole life in quite the variety of mediums. there were as a matter of fact multiple attempts to make this comic a real thing but time and again they would peter off as i saw that my skill was just not up to the task. i think i have talked more than enough about fip industries on this blog, one interesting thing is that if you follow the link you will come across a lot of proto ideas that i had before they cemented and took their definite shape in the novel (and even after the novel i kept retconning and retooling things over and over again, fip industries is an ongoing thing that will probably last my entire lifetime)

Disregarding Reality I (age 20)

the first iteration of disregarding reality, a humorous strip done in pencil and paper, a fairly short lived affair, lasting no more than 3 months. the entire premise of the comic was an MRA activist and a feminist live together, they are friends, they argue a lot. remember 2013 guys? back when this whole politics bullshit truly kicked off online? this was before gamer gate, mind you. but by that point i had seen more than enough of it on tumblr and i was like “someone should do some scathing commentary with wit and penache” and that someone had to be me. mainly inspired by commics like f@nboys and el goonish hive and a thousand billion others that were so popular back in those halcyon days.

i got bored of it pretty quickly and it wouldnt be until three years later than i would finally decide to re-start the project but until then...

Strangers in the forest (age 21)

here comes a rather productive era in my ouvre, ink and paper, based on a short story i wrote, its about an eldritch monster pretending to be human and a ghost girl, killed by her father. they have a dispute because the monster wants to eat the corpse of the girl but the ghost doesnt want to give up her bones because its the one thing that tethers her to the mortal plane. they eventually resolve their dispute. by this point i was actually, unironically trying my best to do comics which i felt looked professional.

Song of a nightmare (age 21)

another one based on a short story i wrote. ink and paper, a private detective wakes up in the middle of the night and sees a mermaid lying in bed next to him. he spends most of the comic trying to figure out how the hell is this possible. still one of my favourite ones and certainly one of my family’s and friends favourites as well. a rather poetic tale, strongly inspired by argentinian fiction and their propensity towards magical realism, i was reading a lot of cortazar back then.

Aika (age 21)

as you can tell i was on a fucking roll that year. ink and paper, this was a story based upon a simple and basic idea that i had in my mind for years and years. i always liked the concept behind the movie “the kid” where bruce willis mysteriously comes across himself as a kid. so of course one day i came up with the idea, what if you recieved a visit from your future self... but she was a woman?

this is probably the most aggresively trans story i ever wrote in my life, it is literally about a guy realizing they are trans and breaking down over it. here is the giant kicker, i did not realize at all what i was doing. i was completly unaware of what was going on here, i was still deep deep in the closet and not even realizing i was there. it really is astounding the honesty and the rawness with which i wrote this comic and it went all over my head. a perfect example of “im such a great ally lol”

oh also there is time travel i guess. my main impetus (beyond whatever my subconcious was forcing me to do) was my desire to make a complete clusterfuck of a story, i was a huge fan of homestuck, i had read fleek and demon, i wanted to do my own take on a hypercomplicated time travel puzzle plot. other things came out on top of it but i didnt noticed them. fucking hilarious

Hello Agatha (age 21)

a comedic strip about a wacky pixie dream girl having wacky adventures with her wacky friends, one of which is a man with a toilet for a head. what a gut buster, what a knee slapper!

there is not much to say about this one, wacky surreal comedy was always my favourite and so time and again i would try my hand at it but it is surprisingly hard to do!

The /co/ ventures! (age 20 - age25)

an ongoing project done in multiple mediums. i think i said more than enough about this in here and here. it was me practiscing comics, practiscing my humor and adding my tiny grain of sand to the 4chan culture. i am proud to say these comics were actually very well liked there and that i would be recognized without a name or signature of any kind, just on the strength of my style.

the vest kind of madness (age 22)

probably one of the projects in which i put the biggest amount of effort to make it look professional. traditional inks and digital colors. a crossover that i cant believe never happened in comics considering how obvious it is. Rac Shade, the changing man and delirium of the endless, the two flagship vertigo characters associated with madness. clearly a match made in heaven.

to this day im flabbergasted i seem to be the only one to think of this.

Disregarding Reality II (age 23)

another work where i have already spilled rivers of bytes explaining my thought process behind it. after having a no good, terrible, very bad day, finding my self aimless and without purpose, deep in denial and depression, i decided to give my self a big project to have something to get me out of bed every day. these three guys came from the depths of my mind to save me.

this time leaning a lot more on silly humor and surrealism than political commentary, still insanely proud of how much i managed to make this last, almost three years, well over 200 pages! and in here i found the inspiration and the creative energy to tackle all sorts of diverse projects of which we are about to see all about.

Mama Bird (age 24)

my masterpiece.

by far the best comic i ever did. a kid with a bird for a mom. hilarious, touching, heartbreaking. it was a concept that i had come up with when i was 21. back then it was supposed to be exclusively a humorous comic strip but then i found a dramatic angle for the story and that was when everything clicked into place. that was when i realized this was a comic i had to do. and i did it. it took me five months but it was well worth it. still insanely proud of this one

Soft boys (age 25)

a weird experimental little story where i decided to sit down and deconstruct one of the most popular superpowers. super elasticity. more akin to me just mashing my toys against each other than me trying to tell a serious story. i am actually really happy with some of the art here and some of the sequences presented. particularly the final one where a brick joke twenty pages in the making finally pays off.

Hexen Snatch (age 25)

a semi spinoff to my novel FIP industries, we focus on a side character that managed to survive after the events of the novel and how they’ll manage to survive further beyond that. insanely soaked by the magical world of pact by widbow i wanted desperatly to share my own take on magic, every page is accompanied by a little text where i expand upon the lore and the way magic is supposed to work on this world. i really like the prose on those snippets and the ideas they work almost more that the comic itself with which i was not happy at all when i was working on it. i didnt like the character design, i didnt like how the art in general was coming out, i didnt like the pacing of the story or how superficially we were getting to expore this world in the comic proper. i had to take a very long hiatus just to accumulate the will to finish the comic and once i did i feel it really petered off without much of a satisfying payoff.

on some level i blame the exhaustion and frustration that i came out of this comic with for the fact that i ended up quitting disregarding reality soon afterwards.

Maxplosive (age 26)

another project that has followed me across multiple mediums. came up with an idea for a videogame back in 2015. saved it on the back pocket for a while, used it as a story within a story on my novel fan.tastic, practisced a couple of animations with the characters and eventually decided that, if my skills at videogame making were not enough, i had at least more than poven myself as a comic artist so maybe that was the definitive medium in which this idea would have to exist.

the original idea was to tell the story in two parts, the first half would introduce the character and the videogame as if the comic was a playthrough of the game. all fun and childlike and innocent. then the second half was meant to explore the life of the main character as an adult, how being “a videogame protagonist” had ruined her body, her mental health and her life. i tried all sorts of weird stuff with the format here, using reciclable assets, static camera angles and generally presenting the whole thing as if it was a videogame.

sadly the project got too big for my breaches, i was fucking exhausted back then, swamped with a bunch of other projects, my job, other responsabilities, unsatisfied with the story and with no idea where to take it. eventually i got tired, decided to skip a day, then the day became a week and then the week became a month and by then i had to face the facts, i was just no longer able to continue the comic. and so i quit not only maxplosive but disregarding reality all together.

i still did the occasional comic here and then but it wouldnt be until the very end of 20-fucking-20 that i was finally inspired to tackle a new project, my newest one, my last one....

Lapsarian (age 27)

an interesting experiment, i decided to do the whole comic in one sit and then post it chapter by chapter on a weekly basis. a surprising result of this was that i managed to do in one month the same amoung of pages that would have taken me 5 months back when i started disregarding reality, is good to see that after al this time i still got it.

took me a while to get the hang of it again and find my own style once more but once i armed up it was smooth sailing for 40 pages all the way to the end. but what is this comic even about?

its... weird, with full disclosure and no shame, it is mostly a fetish story about big lizard creatures commiting vore. the milkman had already shown me that i could do those types of stories and no lighting would come from the heavens to strike me down so i said, why not as a comic? i like to think that beyond the fetish content it is still a decent story in its own right, an interesting feedback that i got from this is that people are suprised how earnest it is, one saying something like “this is the best pitch for a fetish that i was never interested in”

Conclussion:

looking back on this im surprised, turns out i was a lot more prolific and working a lot more regularly than i expected, in here are documented ten years of creative output that never seems to wane. it was fun to do the roundabout trip and see how my style, my technice and generally my work ethic evolved through the years. another nice thing to see is the multiple formats, the multiple tools and mediums i experimented with, i find myself constantly trying new things, new methods, new angles, new interesting ideas for how to make a comic (without even getting into what to make a comic about).

something i always knew about myself was that drawing is a fundamental part of who i am, it is something that just cant be taken away from me and that will always be a part of my life one way or the other, is good to see it so plainly, in black and white, on this list. here goes for what i might be able to do in the future

[hoyotournament]

Semifinals: Nahida vs Kiana Kaslana

(Propaganda under the cut)

Kiana:

TLDR: she's kiana kaslana what do you MEAN!!!! kiana is a beautifully written character who fully encapsulates what hi3 is about and she's so full of love and guilt and (most importantly) hope. she's a clone who struggles with her own identity/inhumanity and traumas extending from when she was a young child and her guilt but is so so resilient and so so so so compassionate which ultimately reinforces her humanity :)

kiana's character IS the honkai impact thesis statement. i don't even mean it as in she's the literal main character and face of honkai i genuinely mean it when i say she just IS honkai impact. she reflects every single theme that they portray [hope over nihilism (chapter 25 || the flame chasers and just. the previous era in general), having agency over your identity and your own story (himeko, her being k423 and being so linked to sirin, everlasting flames || the kaslana household name honestly, bronya, fu hua, mei, sirin), believing in the humanity's inherent worth (chapter 25, arc city || elysia <- important since as a current era herrscher, she is a successor to elysia AND as kiana kaslana, she is a narrative parallel of elysia), having faith in the youth (himeko, kevin || the other flame chasers! notably su), etc.] her character being so reflective is also sooooo OUGH to think about when you view it as a reflection of honkai's 50,000 year samsara because kiana is a representation of these themes coming full circle (especially since many of these stretch back to the previous era and elysia).

SHE FEELS SO MUCH. she's so full of love and guilt. she clearly prioritizes others over herself and part of her arc is her learning to value and love herself as well!!! she would give herself for the world ten times over because she holds so much affection for humanity!! (WHILE FEELING DEHUMANIZED BECAUSE OF HER IDENTITY AS BOTH A HERRSCHER AND K423) and it's actively apart of her character's growth :'')

dear god her growth… okok. so i think first you have to understand that a lot of kiana's growth obviously coincides w general maturity as she grows from a teenager to a young adult. but aside from that i think people often forget that younger kiana is incredibly self sufficient since her father literally left her with little to no explanation when she was like. what 8? the insecurity she feels at that! the anger she has to navigate while also balancing it with her own feelings of missing and loving him. basically: kiana has struggled a lot w instability and is thus kinda good at navigating it. ex: she isnt shaken by nagazora and literally tries again and again and again to save mei and convince mei to let her help. the thing is this fucks w her a bit though because a big thing that she does as a means to cope w instability is avoiding them (not reflective of real life of course, but in the fictional hi3 this is partially represented in kiana's repressed memories about her actual origins as k423). she can not stand the realization that she killed himeko that she's so deep in denial and doesnt truly realize it until more than 10 chapters after himeko dies! she's so horrified with her being a herrscher she actively tries to not use her powers out of fear, even when it puts her in harms way (the chapter XI-EX CG!!!!!! her literally trying to kill herself!!) she literally runs away from her friends and loved ones because she's so scared of hurting them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is why her promise to himeko to not run away is so important!! because it addresses one of kiana's biggest flaws!!!!! this is especially important bc her refusal to continue her avoidance feeds into her arc during the herrscher of dominion chapters where she both faces her own guilt/identity and deliberately chooses perseverance and hope over nihilism!! she is hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stateofloveandnegan]

Hey Ed - Eddie Vedder

Hi, dear! First of all - Merry Christmas! I saw that you liked my song about Ed and I couldn’t but notice you’re a fic account, aha. Reading fics is literally my only escape from life these days. If you could, if it’s not too much to ask, could you maybe make a fic scenario out of that song with like a mix of Solider of Love. Like the girl is friends with Eddie and the band, they both have really good playful flirty chemistry/really like each other, but she’s really hesitant to accept her feelings for him let alone admit it because she’s insecure/doesn’t think she’s good enough and closed off due to her hurtful past. So finally after days of denial and failing to move on, he walks in on her singing that song by herself in a room. And y’know the fluffy or smutty rest, aha. I just thought it would be cute, aha. Totally understand if you’re busy though, it is the holidays after all.

So, what do I say..? I got this request about a year ago, it wasn’t last Christmas, it was Christmas 2018. I’ve literally taken forever and I feel really bad for it, but it’s been a weird (not all bad) year and most of the time I simply didn’t know what to write down, I had no inspiration. Since we’re all practically in quarantine, I thought it’d be a good time to try and get back to writing. I had part of the story written before, but today I deleted it all and started over. 

Lili, I've said it before, but I apologise for it taking so long. You have no idea how much I appreciate your patience. I deeply hope you enjoy it!

Requested by: @sweetness-doesnt-touch-my-face​

Warning(s): tiny bit of angst

“Hey, Lili! Come here,” Eddie smiles at me and opens his arms as he gets up from his seat in the booth. I smile and my heart flutters at how cute he is. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him as he kisses my cheek. “S’good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you as well, how are you? I haven’t seen you in quite a while.” I smile at him and he mirrors my expression. “I’ve been great, just busy with the band and all that stuff. Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight? We can catch up and talk all we want.”

The idea of having dinner with Eddie alone makes my heart flutter, but I quickly push that feeling away and smirk, bringing the usual flirty demeanor between us back. “Dinner, hm? Just you and me? One would almost say you’re up to something, Vedder.”

I almost notice a slight blush on Eddie’s cheeks, but he’s quick to roll his eyes with a smirk and shake his head fondly.

Soon, we join the others at the table, I greet everyone and take a seat across from Eddie. Throughout the night, Eddie and I keep sneaking glances at each other, and we keep catching one another. For a long time, I can keep up my flirty demeanor, the smirk on my face barely fading. But, after a while, I notice the feelings I have for him blossoming up and as soon as I feel them, I push them away. I get up from my seat and excuse myself to the bathroom. ‘Stop it, they’re not real.’I mumble to myself as I look into the mirror after splashing a tiny bit of water on my face.

After a couple of minutes, the door to the ladies’ restroom opens and Katie, Mike’s girlfriend, walks in with a sympathetic smile on her face. “Are you still trying to fight your feelings?”

I know she never means harm, but she knows how hard this is for me, she knows it’s stupid to joke about these things, and she does it anyway. “Piss off, Katie.”

She sighs, “C’mon Lili, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got feelings for him, so what? He seems to feel the same, you know? He wouldn’t be so damn flirty with you if he doesn’t like you.”

I shake my head, “He doesn’t, and he never will. Do you know me, Katie? A guy like him could never like a girl like me. I’m not even close to what he deserves.”

Before she can say anything, I leave the restroom, quickly come up with an excuse as I gather my things and leave my friends to go to my dad’s little garage studio. I’ve had my own place for a good couple of years now, but I always find my way back to my parents’ house when I want to hide away from stuff; like my feelings.

When I get there, there’s no one home. My parents said they would go away for the weekend, so I’m not surprised to find the house abandoned. Right now, I’m happy they’re not here, especially my dad. He’s always been able to read me like an open book, so he’d immediately notice something’s wrong.

I make myself a cup of tea and a small bowl of chips and retreat to the garage. I’ve been working on some stuff for a while now, but I can’t seem to get the words right. Also because I’m not even sure what I want it to be about, which probably isn’t helping the situation.

Nonetheless, I get my notebook out of my bag and sit down beside it with my dad’s guitar in my lap. I gently begin to play some chords, getting into a rhythm as I slowly hum a melody. I keep doing this for a while before some words suddenly come to me, and without hesitation, I begin to write them down in the notebook.

It’s like I’m trying to sleep in somebody else’s bed

But I can’t lie in this comfort and pretend.

He murmurs my sad thoughts, he screams my shit,

But my heart don’t mirror his perfect wit.

As soon as I realize what the next words are going to be, I curse myself and slam my notebook shut, why does he always need to be on my mind?

I stay at my parents’ house for a little while longer, but when I notice the clock hitting 12:30am, I gather my things and make my way home. My mind is like a whirlwind, all the thoughts and feelings I’ve been suppressing for the last few months coming together all at once. Yet still, I don’t listen to any of them. I know how I feel, but I’m not going to give into them, because I know how it’s going to be..

If I accept the fact that I have strong feelings for Eddie, and if I were to tell him that, he’d just laugh it off. I’d be hurt and I’d feel even more like garbage than I already am.

Guys don’t like me, not genuinely. All they like me for is a little bit of fun and when they’ve had their fun, they throw me out. I’ve been there, done that… It was like that with Kenny. We’d known each other for a long time and at one point I realized I’d fallen for him. I told him how I felt, and he told me he felt the same. We started dating, but he never wanted to do stuff in public. And if he was feeling down, he would always cancel plans because he would not be in the ‘mood’ anyways. I was too naïve to realize what he actually meant with that.

It wasn’t until one day, when we went out for lunch. I was so happy we actually went out for once, but I noticed Kenny wasn’t too happy about it. And it wasn’t until the moment his friends ‘caught’ him with me. They came up to us, throwing comments and laughing at Kenny for spending time with ‘someone like me’. Kenny didn’t even hesitate when he stood up, and his words are craved in my mind for the rest of my life. “Do you really think I’d take her seriously? C’mon guys, she’s just a good fuck and was desperate for lunch. But now that I’m here I realize she isn’t even worth having lunch with. Let’s get out of here.”

Truth is, Kenny wasn’t the first one to betray and hurt me like that, before Kenny it was Patrick. Guys don’t like me… I’m not worth it for anyone. So why on earth would Eddie think any different?

Some days go by and I keep getting the urge to write down the words that play in my head,

Hey Ed, I heard what you said

But my tears are still bled,

Hey Ed, you’re on of my daily meds,

But your solution is so far ahead.

“I don’t know how to handle it anymore, Katie.” I say in tears as she wraps her arms around me. Earlier, she called me to hang out and I thought it’d be nice, to maybe get my attention away from all the things in my mind, but as soon as I saw Katie, I couldn’t hold back all my emotions anymore.

Katie’s known me for years, she knows what I’ve been through and how I feel about everything connected to love. She knows how I feel about Eddie, she knew it long before I did. “Accepting your feelings could be a good first, Lili. Don’t torture yourself like this any longer.”

It takes me a whole lot of effort and energy, but after a couple of minutes, I quietly speak up. “I’ve got these words in my head, they could very perfectly become a song, but I couldn’t… I didn’t want to write them all down, because I didn’t want to give in.”

Katie sighs softly and leans back a little so she can look at me, “Give into them, Liliana. It’s gonna kill you if you don’t. give in and write that song, you’re going to feel so much better, I promise.”

I nod slowly and wipe my tears. Katie smiles softly and gives me one last hug, making sure I’m going to be alright, and leaves.

Before I get to writing down the words, I go to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. Fortunately, my face didn’t get too red, so I just splash some water on my face and apply a bit of mascara. When I’m happy with how I look, which is when it’s not noticeable that I’ve cried, I go back to my room, grab my guitar and sit down on my bed with a pencil and the notebook beside me.

I close my eyes for a moment, let out a deep sigh, and let all the thoughts and feelings come out. The pencil slides over the paper, the words coming so fast, my hand can barely keep up with my mind. After what feels like less than a minute, the lyrics are written down on the paper. I grab my guitar and start playing a slow melody that fits the mood perfectly. When I’ve found the perfect rhythm, I softly begin to sing the words, getting lost in my own world as I close my eyes.

It’s like I’m trying to sleep in somebody else’s bed

But I can’t lie in this comfort and pretend.

He murmurs my sad thoughts, he screams my shit,

But my heart don’t mirror his perfect wit.

Hey Ed, I heard what you said

But my tears are still bled,

Hey Ed, you’re on of my daily meds,

But your solution is so far ahead.

Who knew a voice could make you soar,

Even when you’re feeling most unsure,

Sometimes I feel like your soul is the cure,

But how much can one body endure?

Hey Ed, I heard what you said

I know you want the powerless fed,

Hey Ed, I know what you said

But I still feel so unread.

You’re one of us, just on the stage.

Sometimes that feels far away.

That’s just the way of the pay.

You still make our days less grey.

Hey Ed, I heard what you said,

You’re the reason my worries fled.

Hey Ed, I heard what you said,

I’d just wish you’d get out of my head.

When I’m done, I slowly open my eyes, finding myself back. When my eyes land on him, my heart sinks and I feel the need to vanish, but his words tell me otherwise, and when I look closely, I notice his eyes aren’t like they usually are; they’re filled with tears.

“E-Eddie?” I quietly speak up. He doesn’t say anything, though. He just walks closer to me, gently takes the guitar from me and puts it down before bringing his rough hands up to my cheeks. And then it happens… he leans forwards and plants his soft lips onto mine, kissing me softly, yet with so much passion and only now I realize how much of a fool I’ve been. He does feel the same…

The kiss lasts forever, but when he pulls back it also feels like it only lasted a second. Eddie rests his forehead against mine as we both catch our breath for a moment. When I open my eyes, Eddie’s already looking at me. “Why didn’t you tell me, Lili?” his low and husky, because of the tears, voice gently asks me.

I sigh softly and shrug a little, “You’re amazing, Eddie. You literally deserve the world and more… how did you expect me to think I’d be good enough for you?”

Eddie shakes his head and rubs his thumb softly over my cheek, “You are worth so much more than you think, Liliana. You are the sweetest, most amazing, most loving… most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Don’t ever speak so lowly of yourself again, please.”

I’m unable to find the right words to say to him, so I just wrap my arms around him and hold him close, as Eddie does the same.

“How did you even get in?” I manage to get out, a small smile entering my face. Eddie chuckles and pulls back so he can look at me, “Katie texted me earlier, saying you could use a friend. I got here as soon as I got and the door was unlocked, so I let myself. Then I heard you sing, and I couldn’t help my curiousness…” a sheepish smile enters his face as his cheeks light up a little.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m thankful Katie did that…” I admit, unable to get my eyes off Eddie’s. Eddie smiles and nods, “Me, too.”

Eddie comes closer again and presses another kiss onto my lips, “If you’ll allow me, I’d like to take you somewhere for dinner.”

“I’d love nothing more, Eddie.”

[zimvasion]

Anger was the one emotion that anyone who came close to Zim would become very acquainted with very fast.

He was, and always had been, prone to random bursts of rage that would come and go; throwing what could not be described as anything other than tantrums and screaming at anyone who dare invoke his wrath were common occurrences.  

However, complete seething silence was a whole new level, not something he took to often, if ever. Any sort of quiet was completely out of his character. And it had been a very, very quiet ride back from planet Judgementia. 

Escaping had been relatively easy. All they had to do was find their way around the guards, steal a ship, and leave. They would probably realize that Zim was missing sooner or later, and Zim would be receiving a call from his Tallests, but..well, who cared about that anymore! That ‘party’ that had been thrown for him had not been much of a party after all, and Zim had been the only one not in on the joke.

There was a part of him that just wanted to lie down on the floor and wail in despair–his Tallests wanted him DEAD! Somewhere along the way, though he could not imagine where or how, he had angered them. Lost their respect. Failed them. But a larger part of him was filled to the brim with indescribable resentment. He had done everything they had always asked! He was a loyal irken Invader, one of the greatest–THE greatest! Sure, his mission was taking a little longer than everyone elses, and he had had a mishap here and there, but he had his reasons! He just needed more time. What had he done so wrong for them to not be able to understand that? For them to give him..an existence evaluation!? The worst thing he had ever done was harbor a fugitive..

The fugitive, Hal. She had known all along too, hadn't she? ( Somewhere, deep inside, Zim too was well aware of his own defectiveness. He had just been under the impression that no one else knew. And over time, he had dug himself so deep into a hole of denial that he completely blocked out the truth and made his own truth that suited his needs better. )

Zim stepped out of the ship, still quiet. For a moment it seemed as if he were not going to say anything about it at all. And then he turned around, one hand balled into a fist and the other pointing an accusing finger at the Vortian. 

❝ Y o u. ❞ he snarled, waggling his finger a bit. ❝ You knew, did you not? DID YOU NOT!? ❞ he demanded, repeating himself at an increasing volume without even giving Hal a fighting chance to answer. ❝ I thought we were–ah..er.. ❞ He paused to search for the appropriate word, avoiding 'friend' at all costs. ❝ A..ALLIES! Yes, allies! Business partners! ❞ he screeched, gesticulating wildly. 

He rose up onto his PAK legs, putting himself several feet taller than Hal. He glared down at her, ruby eyes shimmering with misplaced rage. Yes, he was irate with her in particular, but he mostly felt betrayed. He didn't know how to deal with feeling betrayed by his leaders, the ones he had been trying to impress and gain the attention of for years. And he didn’t know how to deal with feeling betrayed by Hal, who had more or less became something of a companion to him even if he refused to admit it.

❝ You were USING ME for my BASE! But I don't CARE! It doesnt–nrggghh, none of it MATTERS! Because I'm GOING TO TAKE OVER THIS STUUUUuuUPID PLANET! I AM GOING TO PROVE TO MY TALLESTS THAT IM WORTHY, EVEN IF IM DETECTIVE! EVERYONE IS GOING TO SEE WHAT A MIGHTY INVADER I AM, AND THEY WILL RUE THE DAY THAT THEY LIE TO ZIM!

....AND I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP TO DO IT!!!!! ❞

@vortship​