#(I am not diagnosed with ocd so I'm hesitant to say that it is

[serendipity0930]

I love writing religious sam fics (esp childhood based ones) because I get to play a fun game of "how much of this is me and how much of this is sam"

[1863-project]

so for your poll abt abelism in fandom communities - i voted yes + reblogged but i will say i dont 1000% know im doing this right.

but for my experiences its been a lot of stigmatising of cluster b personality disorders. i have BPD which is already incredibly misunderstood/stigmatised but especially in fandom spaces where its "i headcanon x character w bpd" and immediately met with "no u cant bc ppl w bpd r evil and functionally not even ppl!!! all they do is hurt ppl they care about fuck them fuck ppl w bpd!!!" which

is incredibly harmful, as you'd imagine.

as well, i have autism and suspected schizophrenia and OCD (autism diagnosed, i am working on getting evaluated for schizophrenia and/or OCD) and fandom spaces can be incredibly rude to people with autism. whether it is schizophrenia related or not, i deal with extreme bouts of paranoia. fandom spaces also have a tendency to play into this - ie "joking" threats to be in my walls to hunt me down to kill me because i have a different fandom opinion.

its. alot. and i avoid most fandom spaces because of it.

Anon, I'm so sorry this has been your experience, because it absolutely should not be. This is the entire point of doing the poll and using the data to work on an essay - this behavior needs to be addressed and acknowledged as harmful.

I'm autistic with OCD myself, and this website is definitely bad to people with OCD. The misunderstanding of intrusive thoughts and how so many people become purity police and assume those intrusive thoughts actually mean you want to do something instead of understanding that they cause OCD folks extreme distress and anxiety is really, really harmful. And don't get me started on autism - I've been out in the real world doing self-advocacy for over a decade now, and the way a lot of people in fandom spaces treat autism is abysmal - there's even a lot of internalized ableism on that front, i.e. "I can't be ableist because I'm also disabled!" We all have internalized ableism to work through because of the world we live in.

Cluster B personality disorders and psychotic disorders get it the worst, though, with people treating those with them as "inhuman" and "evil" more often than not. No one is inherently more "evil" than anyone else. A personality disorder doesn't necessarily indicate that a person is bad. A psychotic disorder doesn't, either. BPD in particular actually makes a person very vulnerable to being abused due to the nature of how it works, but people love ignoring that part.

RE: people using your paranoia to send hateful anons, be really careful about what you share about yourself online. If you give too much information about what specifically can be used to hurt you, some people will absolutely do it. I know I may sound like an overly cautious adult to many of you (I'm 34), but when I was a teenager, we didn't put any personal information online in order to keep ourselves safe. If you aren't talking to people you really trust, don't necessarily share that information, because people are often cruel when they feel they can be so without any repercussions. Don't put all your triggers in your Carrd, don't make massive DNIs with all of the things that can hurt you in them - just use the block button and protect yourselves. Not everyone is acting in bad faith, and indeed, most humans aren't, but there are always some who will, and if they know how to hurt you or get back at you, they won't hesitate to hit where it hurts.

I'm sorry you have to remove yourself from fandom spaces just to feel safe, anon. It really isn't fair and you should be allowed to have a safe experience too.

[schizophreniceddie]

Hello, stranger. Stay awhile, have some tea or coffee. Call me Eddie--one of my many names.

I'm 23 and use they/them pronouns. What about you, stranger?

I promise I'm not angry--my face doesn't express the right emotion for what I'm really feeling most of the time, because of a combination of Schizoaffective Disorder and Autism.

I've been in mental health services for many years, but have only recently gotten some correct diagnoses. I have been considered Severely and Persistently Mentally Ill for 2-3 years, however. I have Schizoaffective Disorder--depressive type, C-PTSD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and possibly OCD and OSDD or DID.

I also have fibromyalgia, prediabetes, and a couple other physical health conditions. I am trying to exercise more, and getting physical therapy for joint pain so hopefully I can go running again.

If you've found me, stranger, I will not turn you away. Please feel free to talk to me about anything. However, if you do display hateful behavior, I will not hesitate to turn you out of my house (block you).

So, what do you say? Would you like to talk over a meal? Become friends, perhaps?

[satanfemme]

do you have any advice on convincing a psychiatrist to prescribe adderall/stimulants? i don't have adhd, but i do have severe depression and debilitating chronic fatigue. having tried them before, i believe stimulants will greatly improve my quality of life regardless of whether i'm using them for their "intended purpose." i know i'll probably have to convince my psych that i have undiagnosed adhd to get a prescription - any ideas of what could help?

hm. I think this would greatly depend on your psych. many psychs are willing to prescribe drugs "off label", which is literally the situation at hand: prescriptions for drugs that are intended for something you aren't diagnosed with, but in hopes that it'll helps the issues you are facing too. that's how I've been on things like OCD meds without an OCD diagnosis, or how I used to take a low dose anti-depressant just for sleep. if your psych is chill doing off label prescriptions, you may be able to be honest and say you suspect stimulants would help your depression, as they have helped before. off label prescriptions ftr are both legal AND common, so this isn't some unheard-of loophole thing. chances are, any decent psych would be perfectly fine with this. it's just something uptight psychs might be hesitant about wrt stimulants, so I understand your hesitation to bring it up.

(putting the rest of this under a readmore cause it got long oops)

but if you aren't confident that honesty would work with your personal psych, and assuming you have the ability to pull it off, the "safer" option might still be to lie. for the record I don't condone lying to doctors as I am a law abiding dogboy, hate all drugs, and would never ever do anything immoral or dishonest myself. but, hypothetically, you could. both ime and from what I've heard from others, this isn't particularly difficult. I have a formal ADHD diagnosis, but I've Never had to actually show this to a psych. I just tell them I have it, they ask me a few basic questions about my symptoms verbally (like, super basic "do you struggle with starting tasks?" type stuff), and boom they write me a prescription.

people who don't have the diagnosis can (from what I understand) usually do the same thing; either expressing that they have ADHD symptoms they'd like treated, or just saying they received a diagnosis years ago and would like to resume treatment for it after a hiatus (and if questioned further, either say it was an informal diagnosis, or say they no longer have the paperwork. imo if a psych still pushed for proof of a formal diagnosis at this point, it'd just be easier to find a better psych). ADHD symptoms and questionnaires are really easy to find on psych websites for when people want a refresher on them. also, fwiw, I don't have a formal depression diagnosis! all those countless anti-depressants I've been prescribed were thru the same "simple verbal questionnaire" process. for all it's flaws, psychiatry is not a rigid system in the slightest, doubly so with telehealth options, and for that we're blessed.

last thing I'd like to mention, regardless of what you do, if you're not confident that your psych is going to take what you have to say seriously, I've heard that "blaming" a third party for your inquiry helps. as in, don't say "I think stimulants would help me", but instead something more like "this might be a weird question, but I used to be on adderall. and my partner/parents/sibling/cousin/whoever swears I was much more functional back then and it must've been helping my depression and fatigue. they claim once I stopped taking them, they noticed my quality of life got much worse, and hasn't improved since. so they said I should ask you about that -- what do you think? they mentioned something called like... 'off label'...? is that an option? they insisted I report back to them what you said". I haven't tried it myself, but I've heard a lot of good things about this technique, cause as you can probably infer: it shifts the dynamic from "patient (potential ~drug seeker~) versus their doctor" to "patient (innocent) and their doctor versus a third party (who WILL be hearing about it if these concerns are ignored)". doctors are sometimes much more eager to help in the latter situation.

ok that's a LOT of information but I wanted to give u as much info as I could so you know your options -- cause YOU know your psych, not me. so you know what approach would be best. very last thing I'll say is if, for whatever reason, you end up going through with a formal adhd diagnosis: idk how standardized this is but the test I took included "trick" questions to catch "drug seekers". so make sure you do any research you need prior to any questionnaires AND formal tests. reddit has a lot of good advice from real people as well, remember I'm just one person. I'm not an expert on any of this, and I've also been lucky -- as far as stimulants are concerned I've had 0 push-back of any kind from my psychs. which definitely limits what kind of advice I can personally vouch for. anyway that's all I have to say, for real this time.

good luck finding a treatment plan that helps!! I hope your doctors are understanding and chill, and the process goes smoothly

[vaveyard]

Hi Victoria! Happy Holidays!!

Is there any chance you will be writing a neurodivergent character in your future books?

Or pehabs is there a character that you consider being neurodivergent in RQ or RB? (As for example adhd, ocd, autism, bipolar and etc)

It would mean the world to us ❤ especially because I love your books so much, they're like my confort books

This is a great question, and one I struggle to answer, largely because I see a lot of myself and my own mental patterns in neurodivergency. That said, I'm not diagnosed in any way, but I do identify with a lot with elements of female ADHD and autism. I remember reading The Kiss Quotient and feeling like I'd been hit with a brick, I identified so closely with Stella and felt so oddly seen. So I struggle to directly say, this character is based on this, because I'm writing myself in a lot of them, and I don't know what I am. But I certainly know how my brain works and what pieces I identify with.

Corayne, for example, is very tied to lists, compulsive collection of information, and problem-solving. She struggles with anxiety and has a lot of the same coping habits I do. Habits that correspond with several neurodivergent identities, and I welcome anyone who identifies with her in that way. But I would definitely hesitate to say Corayne is neurodivergent because I simply don't know what *counts* - and I don't know what I *count as*.

At the end of the day, I would love to write a neurodivergent character but I don't feel educated enough on different identities to directly identify a character as such right now. But I'm learning more everyday. A lot of that has to do with my own relationship with my mental state, and the way I process the world.

[mental-health-advice]

Hey, um, so I'm nervous to ask this, but if I don't I might lose my mind. With OCD, can it ever feel like you want to act on your thoughts? I have what I hope is just POCD (P as in Pedophile), and the other day I had a thought like 'it would feel good to touch a child down there', and it felt like I wanted to... Naturally I freaked out and got anxious, and I'm still worried. This has been going on for nearly a decade, and I'm miserable.

Hi lovely, 

Thank you for reaching out to us here at MHA; I know that must have been really hard for you given the circumstances, but I’m so proud of you and I really hope that I’ll be able to give you some advice and reassurance! I am so sorry that you have been dealing with this so long and are now feeling so miserable.

In short, the answer to your question is yes - sometimes our obsessive thoughts can be so strong and overwhelming (especially when we’ve been dealing with them for such a long time) that it can feel like we actually want to go through with the thought. This is really common for people dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorders and intrusive thoughts, so please know that you are not alone in this. And most importantly, please know that you are not a bad person for having these thoughts!

I think the most important thing for you right now is to remember that these are just intrusive thoughts - they can’t be controlled, they’re literally unwanted things that intrude into your consciousness. They are not a reflection of you and your worth or anything like that, please don’t feel bad for having them. Personally, I believe that the fact you are questioning these thoughts and you felt panicked and upset by them, shows that you don’t really want them. Maybe looking at it like this will help you to feel a little better about yourself and the situation? I promise that you are not bad or wrong for this.

The most important thing with intrusive thoughts, but also one of the hardest, is to not give the fire any fuel - if you mill over the thought and try to analyse it, you are adding power to a thought which will likely make it stronger and make it appear more often. This is not to say you should completely ignore the thoughts, but simply acknowledge the thought is present and then move on and try to distract yourself; I like to try and do this by imagining storm clouds coming in (representing the intrusive thought) but then they slowly blow over in the breeze, taking the negative thoughts with them. Speaking of which, I am going to link our page of distraction techniques here, and a video here. Grounding techniques may also be useful in helping you to take back control from the thoughts, and bring yourself back to reality; here is our page on grounding techniques.

I’m just wondering if you have ever reached out to a professional regarding this?  The most effective way of dealing with these intrusive thoughts is to seek some professional help. A therapist or counsellor will be able to guide you into understanding your thoughts, why you are having them, and how you can learn to manage them and diagnose you if necessary. If seeing a counsellor or therapist isn’t immediately an option for you, you could go to your GP who can then refer you onto a mental health professional. I’m linking our page about getting help here because I know how hard it can be to ask for help and to admit the issues you are facing out loud. Professionals are trained in dealing with instances like this, and this will not be something shocking or ‘wrong’ to them, so I promise that they won’t judge you or treat you differently for going to them with these issues - you have nothing to be ashamed of, lovely!  You could call a helpline or use web counselling anonymously if seeing someone face-to-face is too difficult for you.

I am linking you to our page about OCD here! We have some really great informative pages which may help with your own understanding of what you are going through. Also, the following webpages might be helpful for you to read and they have some good interactive information about trying to overcome the thoughts too:

This four step programme

Intrusivethoughts.org

Suppression

I hope this has been of some use to you, friend. Again, I’m going to say that you are not a bad person for having thoughts like this, you are not wrong or bad, or anything like that - this is just something you have been struggling with, and you are never wrong for struggling and needing to reach out for some support. Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else that we can help you with! Please take care.

Rhiann xo

[akajustmerry]

Hi! So I was wondering, would you be open to telling us a bit about what you studied in college? I only realized recently that I wanted to pursue teaching English in the future. Up until this realization, I thought I would try pursuing medicine. I meet with an advisor soon to discuss my path but I'm just searching for as many sources and advice that I can, because I need to register for a new set of classes soon. I'm a first year in uni. I really admire you and your blog, btw! You inspire me.

heya, nonnie! 

omg waking up to this message made my day ahhhh!!! thank you for supporting me and being so kind!! also prepare yourself for my epic ongoing saga of studying!

so i didn’t start out studying teaching, my first year of uni i studied a communication and media degree (majoring in media production and studies!). i adored the classes and averaged high distinctions (also dated a guy which is not relevant but lordy lordy it was STRESSFUL), but the employment rate for media comms was dismally low and many graduates ended up working retail while they waited for job opps in their field. it freaked me out A LOT i worked at mcdonalds at the time and the idea of being stuck in that hellhole even with a hd average degree was a nightmare!!

teaching had been my second choice in my applications. writing and media is defs my no.1 love in life, but i also have a very big passion for showing people why literature and communication is so dang cool so teaching was always something i saw myself doing as much as writing because i also think its vital teens have positive role models

i figured if i was going to end up waiting on a job opp in comms and media i may as well accqiure the ability to work in a field i also enjoy while i was waiting on a job in media so after a year of studying comms i switched to a high school teaching degree majoring in english and drama (humanities) which meant that i could credit a third of my classes in the event i went back to comms. now this was a massive decision because it meant being at uni for a minimum of 6 years, but i talked it out with family and im lucky to have their support. 

the next five years studying teaching weren’t always breezy 2015/16 i was diagnosed with suicidal depression, OCD, and anxiety. thankfully the tutors at my uni were extremely considerate and i was able to continue my studies on a lighter load until my treatment stabilized. i really loved the theatre courses and lit courses i was doing and they kept me somewhat sane when i was down. and yeah to make up for my lighter load i did a few extra classes in semester 1 2017. 

the practicums in teaching were very eye-opening and i was lucky that i enjoyed teaching when i finally did it, despite some shall we say environmental setbacks (two of my supervisors were homophobic abusive shits but i reported their asses and got better ones in both instances.

now in 2018, i am about to pick up where i left off with my media degree and am qualified as an english teacher!!

best advice i can give is to ask all the questions you have and be honest. this could be your career so no question is too big, small, complex or dumb. decide whats best for you and chose classes you’ll enjoy even when you’re feeling down. but the biggest piece of advice i can give is you have time so much time so do you at your own pace and don't worry about everyone else, use every support resource that you have and remember all you have to do is pass. at the end of the day you’ll be qualified the same as someone with distinctions average!!!

i hope this is helpful!! if you need to chat anytime pls don’t hesitate okay? i’m sure you’ll make the best of whatever you choose to do!

- merry xxx