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joz-yyh · 7 months

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Acta Est Fabula - Ch. 5

SUMMARY: Crimson Court AU. Tardif reports back to the Order to protect the one he holds dear. It goes just as horribly as he expected. No Beta. Read at your own risk.

PAIRING: Bounty Hunter x Flagellant / Crusader x Highwayman / Vestal x Hellion

RATING: M (violence / swearing)

WORD COUNT: 2,857

READ ON Ao3: -> HERE!!

A/N: Lots of characters introduced in this chapter as well as some lore! There's a reason behind every action and mysteries will be revealed in time. Comments and questions welcome~

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Tardif ascends the marble church steps with a burdensome trudge, the sentries waiting up ahead a familiar pair.

Missandei whistles at his arrival, surprised to see him, “Well, look who it is! We were starting to take bets on whether or not you were dead.”

“Feared the worst had happened,” William concurs, talking with his hands, drawing an invisible arch, “The great Nighthawk finally meets his match, slain at the top of his prime.”

“Teh, ye guys wish,” Tardif badgers, setting the rumors straight, “Ain't no one alive who can beat me.”

“Told you, man,” the female sharpshooter smirks, making a grabby motion with her glove, waiting for the other to pay up.

“Taking money straight outta the dog's mouth, you are,” William sighs, sticking out his lower lip, rummaging through his gear.

The houndmaster finally digs out a small coin purse, but is hesitant, looking down at his canine companion in morose consignment.

“Yeah right,” the arbalest growls, snatching up her winnings, “you know how many scraps I sneak Fergus from under the table? She’s getting fed plenty.”

“Explains why I've had to adjust her harness,” the houndmaster muses, rubbing his chin whiskers in assessment.

With a swivel of her floppy ears, the armor clad pet gives a guilty whimper.

“Serves ye right,” Tardif says, brushing the blonde man's shoulder in a mock punch, “Shoulda never bet against me.”

He takes a step back, eyeing the vanguards expectantly.

“Why do they got you two out here guardin’ the door fer, anyway? Thought ye guys would have better things to do.”

“I definitely do,” Missy adds before jabbing her thumb at the other, “don't know about kibbles and bits over here, though.”

William sighs, his posture a perpetual slump from moping too much, “Enough of your horrible dog puns.”

“But they're so good! Fergus loves my dog puns.”

The shaggy wolfdog barks in reply, making the pony-tailed girl grin.

“Told you!”

“Ignore her,” mumbles William, “I know I do.”

“Hey!”

The brute does just that, blocking out her bravado of puffed cheeks and sore green eyes.

“Ye were sayin’?”

“Right. Guess, the powers that be sent out a battalion while ye were gone. We're just filling in.”

“Hn,” Tardif muses, “Wonder what fer?”

“They didn't say,” the houndmaster drawls, crossing his arms in thought, “Not high enough on the ladder, apparently, strictly ‘need to know,’ but I could find out for you, for a price.

“Tryin’ to earn yer gamblin’ debt back, I see.”

“Any way I can.”

“Nice catchin’ up with ye,” Tardif says, patting them both on the shoulder, stepping past their vigil and into the great hall, “but I should get goin’. They’re expectin’ me.”

“You too,” the arbalest smiles, “good luck in there.”

“I'll be here if you change your mind,” William shrugs, mourning his empty pockets.

Tardif takes a deep breath as he enters the long corridor, ignoring the whispers and stares of those lining it, eyes focused solely ahead. It’s a wearisome walk, one of prejudice and judgment that makes him miss the company of his friends.

Lowly hunters like himself were not as well-received as those who were considered of higher rank. A ass-backwards shame considering others of his caliber had the most to lose, doing the dirty work none of the “purer” folk wanted to sully their hands with.

Another series of guards impede his path, blocking his access to the throne room, a poignant caduceus of axes that nearly clip his nose.

“Halt!”

“You must wait to be announced.”

Tardif swallows down the urge to argue that useless code of conduct. There were far too many stupid rules for his liking.

“Send him in,” Reynauld commands, standing from the dias further inside, “He's late.”

The guards remove their barrier, but sneer at Tardif, thinking him too irreverent for an audience with the knight superior, but Tardif returns their malice, leering right back as he traverses beyond their jurisdiction.

Reynauld seems too preoccupied with the scroll in his hands to pay him any mind, the length of it unfurled around his feet, trailing longer than his cape.

The church of Hamlet was governed by joint authority, Reynauld the decisive hammer of fire and action while Junia had a reputation for healing, a passive, merciful ruler that cherished goodness and virtue.

Tardif strides up to the set of twin thrones, kneeling before them to submit his findings.

“Hunter Darkwing reporting back from codename Rapture.”

“‘bout time,” Dismas barks from the shadows, leaning against one of the long red drapes, “Didn't think it would take ya four whole days, but then again, I was betting on the other guy.”

Of course the crusader’s personal body guard would criticize his work. He and Tardif never did get along, always at each other's throats, this undoubtedly causing more strife.

“That'll do Dismas,” Reynauld advises, looking up from his correspondence, tone gentle despite the scallywag who it’s reserved for.

“Teh, if you say so boss,” he growls, crossing his arms, staring out the window into obscurity.

“Well, I never had a doubt,” Boudica retorts, side-eyeing the ex highwayman, standing proudly with her glaive.

The brute can't help smirking in return, knowing at least the reformed hellion was rooting for him.

“Tardif, how nice to see you again,” the vestal smiles, awash in robes of white gold, the ever present warrior woman by her side.

Just as Reynauld has his right hand man, so too does the vestal have her honor guard, each their own inseparable match.

“I take it the threat has been neutralized,” the knight ventures, skipping past the pleasantries, eager to finish this unsavory business.

“More than that,” Tardif answers.

That earns him the holy crusader's undivided attention. “More? How can it be more? Explain.”

“Got a good reason fer takin’ as long as I did. Not only is the target neutralized, I dispatched the baron along with him.”

The room goes silent, Reynauld stiff as always, Tardif unable to discern his reaction from the narrow gaps in his helmet.

Junia and Boudica waver between shocked and impressed and Dismas is well … Dismas.

Tight-lipped as they are, waiting for the knight to share his verdict, the prodigal messenger instigates it.

“C'mon, don't leave me hangin’ in suspense. Tell me yer impressed.”

“He gotta be shittin’ me with this guy,” Dismas scoffs to himself, trying to hide his laugh of pity, “What an idiot.”

Junia's halo of Light glows brightly, reprehensible of such foul language, but it seems to have the opposite effect on Reynauld, the crusader reconciled for the moment.

"Taking down the entire brood is beyond you, Tardif,” the knight finally speaks, as if preaching to a child, “It does not fall to one man, but to all of us.”

“Didn’t ye hear wot I said,” the huntsman snaps, resentful of Reynauld’s lackluster reception, ”I killed the baron.”

“Yes,” the knight begins, throwing his precious scroll upon the ground, stepping up to the pretentious upstart with self-righteous fury, “I heard you defied orders, took authority beyond your rank and you’re being entirely smug about it, feeling entitled to our praise.”

Despite the knight superior standing before him now, garbed in all his shining, mantled glory, Tardif does not feel the distinction of status, addressing him as he would any other man.

“Who cares ‘bout all that,” the brute argues, doubling down, “I just took out the guy no one else could. Hell, ye should send me out again. Betcha I could slay every last one of ‘em wit’ an arm tied behind my back.”

The knight takes a moment to steel himself, gauntlets gripped into fists, pacifying his enraged tone. “Tardif, while I admit you are an exceptional warrior, you are also arrogant, insubordinate. You fail to grasp what is not your place to decide.”

Tardif can hardly stand the hypocrisy.

“Wot diplomacy is there in killin’ beings already deemed unfit to exist?”

The caped crusader does not entertain this, ignoring his underlings' words, a segway for his own victimized tangent.

“I knew it was a risk choosing you for this task,” the knight laments, bowing his head, “A grave disappointment I now regret. And though it pains me to do so, you’re hereby relieved of your hunter status.”

“Like hell I am,” Tardif barks, done with this charade, turning his back on the injustice, intent on storming out.

A steadfast grip reigns him in by the arm, the apprehender none other than the long-haired wild cat Boudica.

“Do not resist,” the warrior woman advises, a tinge of sympathy in her voice, “you know I have to bring you in.”

“Listen to the lady,” mocks Dismas, striding up to his left, enjoying his fall from grace a bit too much, “wouldn’t want to see ya get hurt.”

“Don't worry,” Tardif smirks, “I won't.”

In another horribly brash decision, the brutish delinquent suckerpunches the scarf-wearing bandit, an elbow jab delivered swiftly between the eyes.

The rebellious Tardif is feeling rather proud of himself, much better once he sees Dismas stagger backwards, blood pouring down from his crooked nostrils.

“Makin’ yer little lap dog do everythin’ fer ye as usual I see,” the axeman taunts, an insult aimed at Reynauld, but he stares at his dark-haired lackey, the injured man snarling, his scarf hanging around his neck to reveal his gruesome face scars.

The ex-highwayman wipes his lip, red droplets speckling the stone floor, drawing his firearm in retaliation, shoving the barrel against Tardif's back. “Go on. Say it again. I dare ya. ”

“Insolent savage,” Reynauld roars, demanding obedience from his flock, “can I teach you nothing of humility?”

“Oh, there is one thing I’ve learned,” Tardif intones, raising a middle finger, “Fuck ye!”

“Tardif, please,” Junia begs, breaking her silence, unable to watch this descent into madness any longer.

“My lady,” the persecuted hunter beseeches, “is this how I am to be repaid for all my years of devoted service? Being stripped and unmade? How many times must I lie naked before ye?”

Junia had been like a mother to him, as much as she could be before being coerced into the tireless position she wields now. A part of her will always see Tardif as a frightened little orphan boy, will seek to protect him above all else, hoping to one day absolve her own sins.

“Reynauld … ,” Junia councils, turning to face her fellow bishop, a chord struck within her, “is this punishment not too harsh? Surely, there must be another way.”

“You are too soft on him,” Reynauld decrees, knowing what angle his disciple was playing, “Let us see how he behaves after a few fastidious nights in prison. Perhaps, if he is remorseful of his actions, I will reinstate his title. Until then, get him out of my sight.”

—-

Dismas shoves Tardif forward, leading him down the stairs, further into the dungeon below.

He’s still sporting his pistol, poking it against the captive’s spine every chance he gets, Boudica’s escort trailing behind them, bottle-necked in such a tight space.

They’re underground, the seedy basement just as historic as the church itself, the old layout left unrenovated since it was built, but then again a prison didn’t have to be inviting. Tardif had visited this place a few times in the past, almost desensitized to it's eeriness.

“That's far enough,” the ex-bandit calls, halting their progress just shy of the empty cell, “Boudica, strip him down.”

Once more, the redhead gives her comrade an emphatic look, the brute raising his arms up in surrender as she moves to relieve him of his weapons.

His belts are unclasped one by one, feeling less like a man and more like a thing, a tool robbed of it’s usefulness, a blade dulled and discarded. The hellion hefts his possessions around her shoulder, hooking his weapons onto her own series of straps while he endures this demeaning penalty.

“That should be everything,” the refurbished warrior announces, taking a step back, dressed to the hilt in his gear, signaling her task complete.

Dismas moves to inspect her work, noticing she's missed one item in particular.

“Forgot this,” Dismas says, ripping off the brute’s scouter.

“That stays wit’ me,” Tardif says, eyes forthright and stern, schooling his tone.

“You growin’ attached to the bloodsuckers or somethin’,” Dismas snickers, raising a brow, dangling the parasite's cage around by the clip, “wouldn’t that be the scandal of the century.”

“Don’t like people takin’ wot’s mine,” Tardif growls, putting on his best poker face. If they take Pierre from him now, the highwayman would probably squash him out of existence or worse.

“Teh, s'pose you two can keep 'nother company,” the ex-highwayman says, tossing the tiny creature at him, “Fine, take it. Don’t say I never gave ya nottin’.”

Tardif catches it, clutching the cage tight to his chest, masking his relief as Dismas shoves the brute inside his cozy new home. The gunslinger means to trip him, but the braided man is too big and his balance too practiced. At most Tardif stumbles, keeping his footing.

“Always knew you were destined for a grimy prison cell,” Dismas smirks, eagerly latching the door closed, locking it with a clatter.

“Always knew yer were destined to take it in the ass,” Tardif parries, face a vindictive glower.

Dismas is understandably incensed by the accusation, snarling as he aims his gun, intending to blow the lips right off his wise-cracking tongue.

“Enough,” Boudica shouts, knocking his gun away with her glaive, the firearm discharging against the bars. The bullet ricochets, missing it’s mark and Tardif silently thanks the Light for the hellion’s quick-thinking reflexes.

She leers at Dismas, anger notched across her nose, hurling a harsh reprimand, “He is our comrade at arms. He deserves some respect.”

“Ain't no more, remember,” the bandit sneers, tearing away from their confrontation to retrieve his pistol from the floor. He curses when he spots a nick in the metal casing, an imperfection caused by her meddling, one he’ll have to grind down if there’s any chance of buffing it out.

“That has yet to be seen,” Boudica says, watching the trigger happy hostile carefully.

Dust filters into the air, the side-shaven bandit following the trail of smoke to track where the pellet struck mortar and stone, prying at the hole with his finger.

“If you ask me,” he drawls, rife with ire, blowing against the debris, “He should rot in here. Better yet if we watch him hang.”

“Only if ye join me there,” Tardif quips.

“You wish.” The gunslinger laughs, twirling his pistol around before holstering it, “Maybe that lil’ bloodsucker there will do us all a favor and drink ya in your sleep.”

He spits at ground near the cell, taking his leave, whistling a funeral march, a trait usually customary of the knight superior.

With him gone the hellion can finally relax, her outward visage finally giving way, allowing her true self to shine.

She strides up to the thick-headed ex-hunter, scolding him through the palisade.

“What were you thinking,” Boudica urges, a grimace upon her face, wrinkling the war paint on her eyes, “You knew your actions would displease Reynauld.”

As much as Tardif trusts the hellion with his life, he cannot burden her with the truth.

“I was thinkin’, ‘ey, if I wipe out all the monsters, then we get a much needed vacation.’”

Her expression eases into a frustrated sigh, shaking her head of dreadlocks, “You are brave, *Kló (Talon), like myself. I admire that, but also very *þrár (stubborn).”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“I would expect no less,” Boudica says, her blue eyes serious despite the more light-hearted tone, “I will speak with lady Junia, see what I can do for you. Until then, keep your head down.”

Her words are reminiscent of the shrewd disciplinary lessons Junia would often instill in him, but Boudica had the fierce wild heart to back it up.

“Can't cause much trouble from in here,” the axeman shrugs, looking around the lame accommodations. Bits of straw are scattered about the cell, iron manacles nailed to the wall, a questionably stained bucket positioned in the corner. Well, at least there was a bed, though it wasn’t much more than a weathered slab of wood suspended by chain.

Her dark lips curl into a smirk, recognizing Tardif as the resourceful kind, an underdog never to be outwitted for long.

“Sure you could. I know you.”

“Heh heh, yer right.”

The well-meaning hellion reaches her painted hand through the bars, offering assurances, “Be strong my friend. I will visit again when I can.”

He accepts the gesture, their palms sealing together tightly, making a vow of his own.

“Ye better, else I'll hunt ye down myself.”

A flex of muscle is shared between them, his and then hers, their arms swelling with combined effort.

“If it ever comes to that, I will meet you head on,” she nods, shaking on it before letting go.

The two friends part ways, Tardif watching as her tabard disappears behind a wall of pewter, headed back the same way she came.

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folklvpin · 1 year

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i don't know if i made the right decision but for now it's fine.

i had this conversation about future, being in 20s and uni with mom yesterday where she told me: "you have to make a decision even if you'll wrong, i don't want to see you stuck in confusion of your thoughts and anxiety eating you up and if you'll understand you made the bad choice it's okay, neither me nor your dad will tell you you fail, just take a decision whatever it is"

so i did.

i love my parents <3 they care a lot about me and my sister's future, they always support us and they want us continuing to study at all costs. i appreciate this sm and i'm grateful.

but i feel like i'm wasting their time and money. idk what to in life and they're helping me as parents should do but i can't stop feeling guilty. but that's another story.

anyway. after spending a long day deciding between continuing archaeology or switch to biology *drumroll* i decided to continue archaelogy!!! and in 2nd year i'll discover if i really like it or not and if it ain't for me i'll see what to do.

i'm still confused about uni, obviously i am. i'm only 20 and it's okay not knowing what to do in life, i don't have to know this now. i think i'll know only living so struggling about it is useless, more experiences i'll do more things about me and what i want to be i'll learn. not everyone has the plan of their life, the dream job and the perfect city to live and that's perfectly fine. after school i stressed myself about future but i don't want to do it anymore, i'm exhausted.

maybe next year i'll change uni or maybe not who knows i want to follow the process without too much anxiety and pressure.

what made me decide to continue this uni career? well ...

first of all, i didn't know what to do so better continue what i started than start something over with all this anxiety and confusion.

the city. ok studying archeology wont be the most comfy thing cause i have to take 1H of bus everyday but it's the best for my mental health at the moment, biology uni i want to do is in another region and in my currently conditions i don't know if it's the best thing to do.

talking about mental health, i passed the last 5 years of my life struggling with anxiety and other bad stuff, with the pandemic everything got worse and now i'm here, in my 20s with a lots of things to fix and in september i'm going to see a psichologyst <3

also i have to get driver's licence lmao i postponed it for too long it scares me but i need it so yes, let's face some fears.

i passed all the 2022 stressing about my final exams and future and the 2023 was the same, i experienced uni for the first time and i didn't get much fun honestly, my anxiety intensified, i felt like i lost all my potential and still i don't know what to do so yes, the main goal for this autumn and 2024 will be taking care of me, stop surviving and star living and focus on those fucking 17 exams i have to do. i can do it.

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wildcatofgreen · 2 years

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⚰️👪🧱😱

headcanon memes; comfort character edition

"Woof, that's uh... That's a lot, chief! I mean, can't say I'm mad but stones.

"I mean, let's get at 'em I guess? Can't be that bad."

[ ⚰️ ] what are your muse’s greatest regrets? what would flash before their eyes when they’re on their deathbed?

"Nope. It is that bad. Right off the bat. Fuck.

"I mean... ugh, Iunno. Still kinda banged up about the Lyli thing. Wish we both said somethin' sooner. She's still my bestie--dun't get me wrong, but damn, if I jus' told her back when Sony left for the first time I think a lotta that drama could'a been avoided.

"An' dun't even get me started on the drama. That shit makes me regret even lovin' Lyli in the first place. That I could throw away my damn husband like that, 'cause of some stupid shit I did. Spirits above, that had'ta be my second biggest fuck up.

"First bein' lettin' Lyli run off on her own. Lettin' her get hurt like that. If I fuckin' knew she was gonna get tortured I would'a never fuckin' left her. Not for a second.

"If she asked me 'ta come with her 'ta help her dragon stuff I would'a, honestly. I know I got so much here in Shang Tu, but I was jus'... waitin' for her 'ta say somethin'. Anythin'.

"But. She wanted 'ta go alone. An' I'm okay with that. She's with Merga, apparently. She's got good company. She'll be okay.

"But that torture shit... I think seein' Lyli so burnt and hurt, that'll be what I see before I die. Constant reminder of how bad I fucked up that day. Swear I regret it every day.

"Eugh."

[ 👪 ] what is your muse’s relationship with their parents like? was it always this way?

"They're dead, dickweed. I ain't ever know my parents. One thing closest to 'em was my sis and she fuckin' left.

"Most I know about 'em is that they loved me. That's what Cory tells me whenever I ask."

[ 🧱 ] how would you describe your muses’ morality? what are their core values?

"I--... Iunno. Like.

"I... Iunno!!! Like, I know my cores--if ya see someone in danger, help 'em. No stealin' from people who look like they need the money. Dun't bully people unless they're asshats an' they deserve it. No killin'.

"But my overall morality...? I jus'... I ain't got a clear answer for ya. I try 'ta be good, I guess. I'm like, a hero, right? So, I gotta be good. It's apart of the job or somethin'.

"Don't hurt no one who don't deserve it. Help your friends out. Be good. That's... that's what I stand for, I think. Jus'... bein' good."

[ 😱 ] does your muse have any specific fears? where did those fears come from?

"Nah, I'm completely fearless. Jus' another great quirk of Carol the Wildcat~.

"Haha... yeah I'm jokin'. I ain't... as scared of death as I was before--I can thank Bapho for that--but it still kinda... messes with me. Jus' ain't somethin' I'm ready for--ain't somethin' I feel like I'll ever be ready for.

"An', I guess I also got a 'lil fear of... Iunno, people leavin' me? That... that one feels new. But it's scary, bein' all alone. No one there 'ta help ya, no one there 'ta even talk to ya, even if it's negative. I'd take a conversation with someone who sucked charlies jus' so I could talk 'ta someone, if I ain't have nobody left.

"I can't stand bein' alone. I really can't. Not even for a fuckin' second, it's just... it's awful. It makes me get this pit in my stomach and I feel that empty feelin' again and it makes me not wanna speak 'ta anyone anyway but like I wanna speak 'ta someone but my thoughts keep tellin' me that ain't nobody wanna speak to ya in the first place an'--

"Iun't... Iun't wanna think about this no more, man. This fuckin' sucks. This fuckin' sucks real bad.

"Fuck."

#carol's cruisings #diffxrentwxrlds #asks #meme answers

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mysteryshoptls · 3 years

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SR Azul Ashengrotto Labwear Personal Story: Part 1

"I have a favor to ask of you."

Part 1 (Part 2)

[Ramshackle Dorm – Your Room]

???: Excuse me.

Grim: Hm? Sounds like someone’s downstairs. Hey, [Yuu], let's go check it out!

[Ramshackle Dorm – Foyer]

Azul: [Yuu]-san, Grim-san. Sorry for the intrusion.

Grim: Ugh, Azul! What did you come to Ramshackle for?

Azul: Oya, there's no need to make such a disgusted face

Azul: I have not come to collect a debt or anything. If you will, I have a favor to ask of you.

A favor?

I feel like nothing good will come of this.

Azul: Would you be able to assist me in Ortho-san's maintenance?

Grim: Ortho's maintenance?

Grim: Why's an Octavinelle guy asking to help someone from Ignihyde?

Azul: I am in the same club as Ortho-san's older brother. He requested help during our last club meeting.

Azul: He said that he wished to replace some of Ortho's body parts in order to upgrade his performance, but he couldn't do it alone.

Grim: Idia must fear nothing if he's going to you for help, yanno…

Azul: He doesn't have many friends, after all. I believe it most likely took him an inordinate amount of courage to reach out to me as well.

Azul: However, he was determined. He broke out of his shell in order to help his dear little brother.

Azul: Ortho-san with his mechanical body, and Idia-san who does his utmost to maintain his "little brother."

Azul: What a wonderful tale. I was absolutely touched by such beautiful brotherly love.

Azul: Wouldn't the two of you wish to help them as well?

Grim: Not at all.

Azul: Oya, that was blunt.

Grim: That's cause this ain't got nothing to do with me! Why do I gotta go out of my way to help him out, anyway?

Azul: Oh my, it seems I misjudged you… As if. I had thought that you would respond as such.

Azul: Incidentally, Grim-san. What was it you were doing the night before last?

Grim: Night before last? Two days ago, that was… Oh! N-no way, you…

Azul: I thought it rude to not come bearing any gifts, so I have brought this for you. This is a photo that was captured of the staff room two nights ago.

Azul: We can clearly see that this is you picking a quarrel with Trein-sensei's pet and trashing the room.

Grim: W-w-w-w-wait no. Th-th-this isn't me, yanno.

A lame excuse.

The photo is perfectly clear.

Grim: But… But it's Lucius's fault, yanno. He stole my dinner roll and ran off with it!

Azul: Aah, this won't do. It seems that the teachers are all still searching for the culprit.

Azul: I am trembling so much from worrying about Ortho-san so much…

Azul: That I may accidentally drop this photo where the teachers may find it.

Azul: I feel as though if I were to be able to resolve Ortho-san's issue, then I may be able to protect the secret.

Grim: I'd be happy to help, yanno!! Right, [Yuu]!?

It was all due to my lack of supervision over him…

If we can be of assistance, I'd be happy to.

Azul: Aah, wonderful! Then, let us head to Ignihyde posthaste.

[Ignihyde Dorm – Lounge]

Idia: W-wel-wel…come.

Ortho: Thanks for coming for my sake, everyone! Nii-san is also very grateful.

Azul: No worries, friends help each other when in need.

Idia: Azul-shi… Is this really okay?

Azul: Fufufu. I believe I already told you that you may leave it to me.

Azul: Now as they say, time is money. Let us quickly begin the work. Idia-san, are you prepared?

Idia: I'm good whenever.

Grim: What're we supposed to be doing here?

Idia: Y-you guys are the assembly team…You'll prepare, remove, and attach Ortho's components, th-things like that.

Grim: Isn't that something you guys could have done without us?

Idia: Ah, I-I-I'll be doing the programming and operations management… Ortho's mechanisms are pretty complicated… so...

Azul: Ortho-san has an abundance of parts, so it would be practically impossible to perform this operation alone… is what I believe he means to say.

Idia: Y-yeah… that.

Ortho: I've been really looking forward to this update. Thanks, everyone!

Azul: Fufufu. Of course, I'm quite happy to help.

Azul: Now, you should lie yourself down now. Try not to overdo yourself now.

Azul: Replacing your parts like this is quite similar to actual surgery. It would be quite a problem if something were to happen.

Grim: Huh, Azul is kinda nice to Ortho, yanno.

Azul: I am kind to everyone, didn't you know?

Azul: To you, Grim-san, and of course, [Yuu]-san as well.

Grim: How can you say that when you took a secret photo and are threatening me with it!?

Part 1 (Part 2)

Requested by Anonymous.

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #idia shroud #ortho shroud #twst azul #twst idia #twst grim #twst translation

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missess-fanto · 2 years

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☁️, 🍩, 🍁, 🍂, 🎁 for uh Jovi

🕷️, 💧, 🖍️, ❇️ forrrr Tepsi

Jovi

Soft headcanon

So for stahtahs, if it's from me it's not really a headcanon yknow just real ANYWAY so in my assumption that soft here would mean cute little thing or whatever, in the winter when he was younger he would cuddle up with Les a lot because the heat coming from him being on would warm him up :)

Favorite sweet treat

Favorite season

Spring, flowers are nice(especially when you live at the dump), it's getting warmer, he doesn't have to worry about pollen and it's just really pretty!

Enjoy being in nature?? favorite outdoor activity???

Well from his position you'd kinda HAVE TO to live a good life sooo yes! He really likes to compare his skipping rock distance between him and L.O.A.P, good way to measure growing strength

What types of presents would they be most happy to receive??? R they good at gift giving????

Just a whole lot of raw cash, that's all he wants at the moment. And no absolutely not, putting aside the lack of money and skill of making things, the only person who he knows what they want is himself unless he's literally told. So definitely not one of his strong suits

Tepsi

Biggest fear

Yeah no that wasn't a bit it's canon

Angst headcanon

Repeat what I said in jovi's first question, and, angst really ain't my thing so I'll try to closest thing I can. The reason she's grown so fond of Charus in pepn is because he reminds her of herself when she was younger, she enjoys his company because it gives her the impression she's finally part of the childhood she was forced to miss out on. This also is why she treated him harshly at first, since she was forced early on to take that part of her life and shoot it down (figuratively and literally) to preform best for the Hellsing organization. Behaving like that was habit, a habit that Charus was able to break and ultimately make Tepsi happier as result.

What advice would you give them?

Wow I've never thought of that, probably sell vintage idk I'm not an advice guy

Most prized possessions

Obviously her guns, The Jackal and the Hellsing ARMS .454 Casull Auto!

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rpmemesbyarat · 4 years

Conversation

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 4 "Haunted House" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

A girl died in this tub.

There's no record of any of these names except for one.

Oh, my god, there's two of them!

I own Halloween. It's my jam.

Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath.

I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body.

A lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits.

They put down their hot pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me.

I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents.

Oh, my god, it says my name!

I hope the severed leg brightens up your trailer park.

You're a bright light in my life, and I wanted you to know how much you impress me with your frumpy spirit.

You are so devastatingly mediocre and adorable!

I can't wait to see you in person, but before that, I'd like to see you post this all over social media, to exploit it for my own gain.

Aah! It's a rotting jack-o'-lantern!

Aah! This box is just filled with blood!

She got me a razor apple!

I stole this cadaver head from an ophthalmology student just for you.

You're the most important person in the world.

So you didn't see anyone in a red devil costume entering or leaving the house?

Are you coming to the precinct pig roast this year?

Come on, she's obviously the killer!

Do you mean to suggest I changed out of my nightgown, strapped myself into a skintight pleather red devil costume, climbed out a second-story dormer, and shimmied to the ground with a chain saw before entering a window I had left open, tried to kill you, then leapt out the window, climbed back up the wall, changed back into my nightgown,

and raced downstairs, all in the course of about 90 seconds?

Clearly that's got you a little freaked out.

I'm not gonna hold any of this against you, and I'm gonna let you be my date for the faculty Halloween party.

Attempted murder!

A guy was almost killed tonight, okay?

Now, no, I'm not a detective, hell, I ain't even a cop, but what I am is somebody who watched every one of those Cosby mysteries, okay?

See? Dismemberment!

I am so sorry that I pushed you out of my car and drove off real scared.

I just can't believe that How To Lose A Guy In 10 days is your favorite movie, too.

In precisely two and half minutes when we go in there, you let me do all the talking.

What are you dressed as?

Oh, you have a squirrel. Don't see that much anymore.

Breakfast is almost ready, we got meat today.

What can you tell us about that night?

Now, we will keep your name out of it, of course.

'm a vault,

And to get in this vault you need a key. Now, you may ask, a key to what? It's a key to meaning. Once you've found the meaning, you don't need the words. You know what I'm saying?

Please, continue with your story.

Have any of you ever heard of "negligent homicide"?

We need to dispose of this body on our own. Now, I've got everything we need in the kitchen to make sausages out of her.

I'm gonna go downstairs, shut this party down, and then we'll get the body out of here.

Somebody has to watch after the baby.

Can you at least turn on the radio?

Just leave the details to me.

We can't just act like this never happened.

She's the devil, that one.

I looked at that baby up close. I know my peas and carrots. That baby was a girl.

Your support doesn't matter.

My campaign needs a theme?

My pumpkin's drunk.

I'm hosting a haunted house to raise money for sickle cell anemia.

Why are you holding a fund-raiser, though?

I don't think you understand the magnitude of the miscalculation you just made.

I can assure you you will not be winning an election anytime soon. And when you lose, I am gonna make it my lifelong passion to destroy your reputation.

You're a stuck-up little sociopath, and everybody in this room knows it.

It might behoove you to recall that everyone here witnessed you actually murder someone

Just sharpening knives.

Put the knives down.

I don't know what came over me.

How very adolescent of you to think of this.

It vaguely smacks of something my six-year-old sister would be excited about.

It's the most disgusting disease in the history of mankind.

You get it when you don't even understand the most basic tenets of oral hygiene.

Just give the dang thing its pot of gold already!

I ain't got no candy!

Bet you're a sexy dirt-covered girl. That's what I bet you are.

Sometimes I come out here and I just rub my hands on the gravestones.

I get you more than anyone.

I also find the thought of dead bodies extremely arousing.

I just don't understand why I have all these dark feelings.

You know, I just think our generation's had it too easy, you know? We haven't seen enough horrible stuff. There's no awesome diseases randomly killing people. There's not really any awesome wars to go off to and witness horrific things you can't unsee. We, like, pulled out of all of 'em.

Sometimes I just don't even feel like I'm living, you know?

The only time I feel anything is when I'm thinking about chopping up a body.

And here you are, saddled up with an uptight girlfriend who freaked out for no other reason than the fact that you just wanted to fantasize about having sex with her lifeless corpse.

Oh, my god, I got a total chub right now.

Not scary enough.

She'll let you in the back door.

What could be scarier for an adult than a child coming to murder them?

Isn't that all of our greatest fear? That the pain, the regrets, the mistakes of our youth will destroy us in our adulthood? That we can't escape our inner child. One we would rather forget, but who, at the end of the day has all the power.

Why are you lying to me?

Something does not make sense.

You got to give me more here, okay?

I don't understand what you're getting at.

Are you on bath salts?

Why are we even here?

This house is haunted.

There's a legend in this neighborhood about a woman who wailed about her dead children. And this was the house she lived in.

These dumb ol' kids are smoking crack.

I think it's incredible what you can find out with just a quick trip down to your local library.

This can be one of the rooms for the haunted house.

What exactly do you plan on doing at this haunted house?

I was thinking we could blindfold folks and make 'em put their hands in a bowl full of grapes we peeled, so it'll feel like eyeballs.

I think the reason you want to have a haunted house party is 'cause a haunted party is like a buffet for murderers.

Yeah, yeah, you can just go around killing anybody you want and ain't nobody even gonna even notice.

Just like you chopped the arms off that dumb-ass golf guy.

Why do you have it out for me?

So now you look at me and see everything you could've been.

I hope you have a good time at you haunted party and get to murder lots of folks.

You have this way too thought out.

Isn't this kind of nice?

My sense of personal identity is completely external.

I really don't have much to offer.

I've found that my particular style of speaking and gesticulation is extremely off-putting to most boys. And girls. And anyone.

I need to eat. My blood sugar is crashing.

I'm tired of depriving myself of joy and sustenance.

I may die at the end of a serial killer's blade, but I refuse to die hungry.

Which one of you ladies would like to be my costume for Halloween? I'm going as "dude having awesome sex with you."

I mean, what in the hell's wrong with the world where a guy can't even whistle at a chick just to tell her she looks hot?

I recently took a women's studies class. Yes, because it was a requirement, but I learned a lot anyways. Like the culture that says it's okay for a man to objectify a woman for her appearance is the same culture that pressures girls as young as ten to have eating disorders.

So you're basically saying I'm the one responsible for making you look hot?

When you treat us like meat, you're no better than him!

I'm not really sure how you got my number, but I like how you took the initiative and texted me where you wanted us to meet.

Do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?

I'll sure this house has an amazingly romantic basement.

Hey, so, uh, a little awkward since we're about to bone down and everything, but, um, what's your name?

Smells like roadkill.

I've never been so scared in my whole life.

All right, if we go to the police, they're gonna see I'm still rocking a mad sidepipe, and they're gonna think I had something to do with it.

We have to warn people.

All right, everybody listen up! All of your lives are in danger!

There are dead bodies! Dead bodies. Real-life dead bodies.

Did you say dead bodies?

Those are like the most lifelike dead bodies I've ever seen.

Is that a real dead body?

There are five dead bodies in that house. Laid out in horrible and deliberate macabre poses.

You are not leaving this house tonight.

You make it harder and harder to believe that you're not the killer.

I found out something really interesting, and now I have a theory.

Everything is weird about that story.

I mean, it's too big a coincidence.

We have to figure out who that woman was.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #scream queens

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tsrookie · 4 years

Text

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

#open heart #open heart second year #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #mercy goes nuts #happy three years of Reputation🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤#ethan ramsey

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loaded-remains · 4 years

Text

Nothing Personal

Arthur Morgan X f!Reader

Part 1

Part 2

Summary: The more Arthur gets to know you the less he seems to know you at all...and vice versa. That is until another job changes everything....

Warnings: Mild angst. Sexual tension.

Words: 3290

A/N: It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, let alone something like this but I’ve had a couple of things floating around my dusty old head so i decided to let one free. Apologies in advance. It was meant to be a one shot but isn’t…

****************************************************************************************

Chapter 3

The following few days had been quiet, you'd passed time at camp doing chores, occasionally leaving to hunt to help feed everyone. You and Arthur hadn't spoken much lately, a simple nod of recognition as you crossed paths with an added 'hello' sometimes. It felt like you'd gone backwards with him rather than forwards, not that you knew where forwards would take you anyway. The exchange by the cliff tops days before starting to fade in your memory, but his touch, his scent...that you couldn't shake and that drove you wild, not always in the way you were comfortable with.

You sat by the fire alone, a warm cup of coffee in your hand, as you stared into the distance contemplating everything one more time. Maybe it was time to move on, start a fresh somewhere new. You were so distracted by your own thoughts you hadn't heard Sadie call your name three times before you finally snapped back to look at her.

“Hey?” she said “You okay? You look miles away.”

“Yeah...” you said, shaking your head smiling “...Sorry...I'm fine.”

“Okay...” Sadie continued “...Good...Well Dutch wants to talk to us over by his tent...you coming?”

You nodded, standing up and shaking what was left of your drink on the floor before placing your cup back in you satchel, before following her across camp to where Dutch was standing.

He wasn't alone. Alongside him were John, Charles and Arthur, all waiting for you and Sadie to join them.

“Ah...Ladies...” Dutch began “...I'm glad you could join us.”

He moved into the middle of the group, his eyes now focused on you and Sadie.

“I was just explaining to my boys here...” he continued, gesturing to the men “...I have a new plan...a plan to get us some money. Now it might not be all we need but it might just be enough to buy us some time”

You were intrigued. Anything to get you out of camp other than hunting was always welcomed. You were starting to crave some action.

Dutch went on to explain about a train that was due through north of Valentine and how Hosea had found out that there would be a decent amount of cash on board. He laid out a plan, places, people, times of how he had wanted you all to play your part in carrying out the robbery.

“So...” he asked, his eyes scanning the group before him “...you all okay with that?”

He waited for anyone to question what was being asked of them.

“Sounds okay to me...” Charles responded.

“Me too.” John added.

You and Sadie nodded while Arthur just glared at Dutch not saying a word.

“Good...” Dutch finally said “...Ill leave you all to it then. Don't let me down.”

Everyone walked quickly and when they finally got to their horses, each of them adjusted saddles, checked guns and ammunition. It was bound to get ugly and everyone wanted to be prepared.

Arthur, however, had hung back to speak to Dutch.

“You think this is wise?” he asked in a quiet concerned tone.

“Wise?” Dutch frowned “What do you mean, son?”

Arthur looked over his shoulder in your direction as you stood by your horse before swinging back to look at Dutch.

“The girl?” he added “You really think she should be coming?”

“Come now Arthur...” Dutch said walking back into his tent “...You of all people don't let emotions get in the way....besides...I happen to think she'll do just fine. She's got that fire in her belly...we need that right now.”

Arthur hung his head. He knew, for the most part, that Dutch was right, but it still lodged in his throat what had happened last time you had him had done a job before.

“I guess...” he said looking back up at Dutch “...it's just I...”

Dutch turned, placing a hand on Arthur's shoulder, stopping him from completing his sentence.

“Son...” he said softly “...I remember when you had that same fire, that desire to do what needed to done and to hell with the cost...stick to the plan....it'll all be just fine.”

Arthur simply sighed, nodding defeatedly at Dutch.

“Well alright then...” Dutch said, patting Arthur on the back as he turned to walk away.

Arthur made his way swiftly over to his own horse, as you and the others sat patiently waiting for him to join them.

“We ready?” John asked eagerly.

“I think so...” Arthur replied despondently, jumping onto his own horse before trotting away, leading you all out of camp.

The short journey to the location Dutch and Hosea had set out for you all hadn't taken long. You had all cantered in a group, Arthur out in front, John and Charles following close behind with you and Sadie at the back. No one really spoke as you rode out, instead the group focused on the mission, the plan, to getting the job done. That was until Arthur finally broke the silence.

“So...” Arthur shouted back “....we all know what we're doing?”

You knew the question was really directed at you but after everyone confirmed their answer you simply nodded in his direction.

“Good...” he added “...I don't want no mistakes this time...” His eyes fixed on you as he spoke, before turning forward, yanking the reins making his horse run faster.

He really wouldn't let it go.

The group finally pitched up in a small wooded area just below the train line on the outskirts of town, You hitched your horse tightly to a tree and collected a rifle from the back that had been secured under your blanket. The weather had turned, a sharp wind with driving rain making it almost impossible to hear or see anything. Not ideal conditions for anything, let alone a train robbery.

You pulled your hat down the cover your face as you walked against the rain before finally making your way over to the others.

“Charles? Sadie?” Arthur said quietly“You guys go over there...behind that wall.” gesturing to the right of the track as he did.

The pair scuttled over the track before Arthur turned his attention to John.

“Marston?” he whispered “...You get ready behind that tree?”

John simply nodded and ran to hide in wait of the train.

Arthur then pulled out his gun, cocking the arm back not saying anything else, leaving you confused.

“What about me?” you asked frowning.

He stopped, the rain pelting against his face, and glared at you before finally speaking.

“You're staying with me” he said firmly “I need you so I can see you this time.”

He started to walk away to where he wanted you to wait, not waiting for an answer.

You could feel the anger growing within you once again as you watched him walk away. The arrogance of the man was unbearable.

“Are you kidding me?” you shouted in his direction, the rain not able to drown out your yell.

The silence between you both from the last few days was starting to boil over and you were close to losing it with him yet again.

Arthur turned sharply back to look at you.

“No...” he said angrily “....as matter of fact ..I ain't kidding. Now get your ass over here now!!!”

You shook your head, the rain running down your face, soaking your clothes as you stood in the open staring back at him.

“You are an insufferable asshole, Morgan!!!” you yelled, not moving from your spot. “I don't need looking after!!!”

“Just do as you're damn told, woman!!” Arthur grunted through his teeth, tired of the arguing.

You were just about to answer when John interrupted you.

“Would you both just shut up” he yelled over at them “We're about to rob a damn train...!!!”

You stopped, looking back at John, before conceding defeat and made your way over to where Arthur stood. Now wasn't the time to try and come to some sort of agreement with how you and Arthur would ever be able to get along and you were starting to think that maybe you never would.

You stood next to Arthur, the heat from his body penetrating through his wet clothes, the familiar scent of him filling your nostrils yet again. He never spoke directly to you again, instead focusing as the gentle rumble of the train bounded towards you all along the tracks.

This was it, another chance to prove yourself. Not to him, he would always find a negative in anything you did, but a chance to show you could hold your own when things got real.

As the train slowed, you all moved closer, pulling up your bandanas in anticipation of it finally coming to rest for you to board.

Charles and Sadie ran into the first carriage as John made swift work of incapacitating the driver. You and Arthur made your way to the rear of the second carriage, Arthur moving to the luggage compartment checking for loot boxes. You focused your gun on what few passengers there were, demanding money from whoever was closest to you. This wasn't a way to make a living but you had to survive. That's all you ever wanted, was to just survive.

You could hear the familiar voices of John, Sadie and Charles as they shouted at the passengers in the front carriage, as you yourself continued to comb the men and women for whatever you could get.

All of a sudden you heard a gunshot come from behind you. You turned sharply, fear trying to enter your thoughts, as you saw Arthur drop to the floor. A group of about five guards were now standing in the last carriage where Arthur had been with one of them pointing a gun in his direction. You wasted no time in raising your rifle, pulling the trigger and catching the guard squarely in the chest, making him drop to the floor immediately. The other guards tried to force their way towards you as passengers fled the carriage amongst the commotion.

“What the hells going on?” You heard John shout as you continued to fire at the incoming guards, catching another making him drop.

You didn't answer him as you continued to defend yourself, trying desperately to search for Arthur among the gunfire.

Sadie, still standing in the carriage where she had been frantically searching passengers for anything she could get her hands on, looked up through the window, a few lights flickering through the trees. She tried to make out what it was when all of a sudden the familiar sound of hooves on ground came thundering closer. She could make out the shadowing figures of law men on horseback making their way to their location, guns pointed firmly in their way.

“We got company!!!” she yelled, making John and Charles snap back into cover, looking as the law made their way ever closer.

Both men joined Sadie, guns held high, shooting back at the men on horseback.

You had your own problems. The three remaining guards drawing closer to you as you picked another one off with your rifle. You could just make out the dark figure of Arthur on the ground, slowly writhing around in pain, his hand fixed firmly on his shoulder. As you drove another bullet into one of the guards causing him to fall against a large wooden chest you barged forward to the remaining man, knocking him to the carriage floor before removing your knife from its sheath and driving it into his chest.

You could still hear John, Sadie and Charles battling it out with the law men outside but you returned your focus to Arthur who was still lying on the floor. You dropped to your knees and rolled him over, the evidence of his wound now apparent. Blood soaked his shirt and he gave a gentle moan as you looked down at him.

“Son of a bitch...” he muttered angrily under his breath.

“You're gonna be okay...” you replied reassuringly, ripping a piece of his shirt to wad the wound, placing light pressure to try and stop the bleeding.

“The hell is goin' on out there?” He asked as he tried to sit up, wincing at your actions to help him.

“The law is what's going on...” You replied frantically “..but we need to get you out of here...”

“Well, let's go help 'em...” Arthur said firmly, trying to stand, pain searing through his shoulder as he did, making him yell out.

“No!” You sharply replied “You're not well.”

Arthur looked at you dead in the eye, his brow furrowing with displeasure at your negativity.

“I ain't in the habit of leaving folk behind” he replied, a deep gruff tone to his voice, the gunfire still ringing in your ears.

You just stared at him.

Another dig at you.

You knew he wouldn't leave anyone behind, not even you, but you had to try and reason with him. Now wasn't the time for 'I told you so'.

“I know....” you finally replied softly “...and I am sorry...I really am...but we gotta get you outta here!!!”

It was in that moment, that apology, Arthur changed. A softness in his face as he looked up at you, a flicker of relief as he lay on the floor, your hand still pressed firmly on his chest.

The gunfire grew closer, making you snap your head up to look in the direction of your fellow camp mates. You caught John's eye as he had made his way through to the other entrance to the carriage which you were with Arthur.

“Get out of here!!!” he yelled.

“I ain't leaving you...” Arthur screamed back, watching John dodge a cascade of bullets as he spoke.

“I ain't asking, brother...” John replied firmly, shouting through all the noise that surrounded them “..Now go!!”

John looked up at you, not waiting for Arthur to respond.

“You take care of him...” he pleaded “...please!”

You simply nodded before watching John leave to join the others, the gunfire slowly dissipating, the number of law men remaining dwindling with the rapid fire of Sadie, Charles and John. Others would be here anytime soon as word would have spread of another robbery on the railway line. You returned your attention back to Arthur, placing his other arm around your shoulder and slowly easing him to his feet, He grimaced in pain with every movement no matter how gentle you were trying to be.

You finally made your way back to your horses watching the others making small work of the remaining men on horseback. You looked at Arthur, his back now leaning against his own trusted horse.

“Can you ride?” you asked, the heavy rain still driving into them.

“I'll be fine” he said, as if the question even needed to be asked.

You helped him to horse, his body struggling to find the saddle as he yelped out with pain one more time.

Settling into your own saddle, you lead on in front clutching the reins of Arthur's horse, leading them away from the battle and into the damp darkness of the night, not looking back as you did.

You travelled for about fifteen minutes, constantly checking on Arthur behind you as he lay slumped over onto the mane of his horse. He never spoke, a gentle grunt falling from his lips as you made your way over rough ground. The ride for the most part, was quiet until you finally came across a small path that led from the main highway leading you to the shoreline of a river. As you wiped the rain from your eyes, you could just make out a small cabin in the distance. You made your way over, hitching your horse to the rail outside before quickly checking if anyone was there or had been recently. You opened the door, a musty smell welcoming you as you did. If anyone had lived here it had been vacant for some time. You quickly returned to Arthur, his body using all its strength to stay on top of his horse. He was fading, the loss of blood slowly starting to take a hold. You grabbed him as he slowly slid off, using all of your own strength to hold him up as his feet finally found the ground. You walked him over to the cabin and found your way indoors and out of driving wind and rain. You noticed there was a single bed in the corner which you quickly moved Arthur too, his limp body dropping heavily on to, finally laying and relaxing.

You found a lantern which you lit, illuminating the tiny space you found yourself in. You looked down at Arthur, his eyes closed, his face covered in a mixture of dirt, blood and rain. You quickly opened your satchel, retrieving a small bottle of whisky and placed it in his hand.

“Here...” you said softly “...drink this”

Arthur slowly opened his eyes, grabbing the bottle before slightly lifting his head to look at it.

“What is it?” he asked quietly “Poison?”

You smiled, a hint of previous encounters implied in his question.

“If I wanted to kill you, you'd already be dead.” you smirked back at him as you slowly started to remove the cloth from his shoulder.

Arthur smiled back before taking a big swig of alcohol, returning the bottle to you. You took the bottle from him, placing it on the floor before finding the right words for your next question.

“You're gonna need to take off your shirt....” you said sheepishly. You felt nervous asking him as you weren't sure what his response would be.

He looked up at you, his eyes softened as he as he did. He held your gaze for what felt like ages before finally responding.

“I'm gonna need your help.” he replied, his tone now quiet., not once taking his eyes off of you.

You paused, taking a breath as you did before leaning forward to him and reaching for the top button on his shirt. Time felt like it had stopped again just like it had on the cliff top. You could feel his breath on your face, the whiskey fumes filling your nostrils as you slowly made you way down through the buttons, the wet cloth of his shirt clinging to his chest, your eyes not looking at his face as you did until you had reached the bottom button and pulled his shirt apart revealing his skin to you. You leaned ever closer to him as you slowly pulled the damp cotton over his broad shoulders one at a time, taking great ease when releasing his wounded shoulder.

You stopped and finally looked at him, his eyes tracing your lips and back to your eyes. It seemed like the pain had left him momentarily as he studied every inch of your face. You were lost in him and you didn't know why, the line between love and hate seeming to become even more blurred than before. What was happening? This was the one area of you where fear really did creep in, and at that moment it was busting down the door and screaming at you.

“Who are you?” Arthur finally said quietly, breaking the tension.

You paused before answering as you searched for the right words to say.

“I don't know any more.” was all you replied.

#rdr2 fanfic #red dedad redemption 2 fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur fanfic #rdr2 #my fanfic #i know its not great but it helps me #so yeah #arthur x f!reader #arthur morgan X f!reader #f!reader

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake, and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more. But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go

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the-synchronicities-liac · 6 years

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After hearing about the ban on the song "Baby it's cold outside" I understood immediately why it could be a trigger for people. Although disappointed because it is my favorite song for Christmas season I put the turmoil to rest knowing that it was probably the best choice for the feminist movement of social equality to start to end the sexism and rape culture women have been drowning in since the beginning of time. But while understanding this reflection, I researched the top 10 songs on the Billboard. seeing that it probably would have taken a large number of people to get such a popular and traditional song banned from the radio and yet these top songs are still being played. songs such as "Sicko mode by Travis Scott", "Mo Bamba by sheck Wes", and "Drip too hard by Lil baby and gunna". these songs are the problem it is not traditional songs like "baby it's Cold outside" that represent aggressors in our society but also the songs that speak of women as if they are dollar bills saying they have a lot of hoes and that they make the pussy wet and the vulgar degrading lyrics all throughout our top 10 Billboards.

please, tell me if I get this wrong you're telling me that we had enough people signed a petition saying that "Baby it's Cold outside" should be banned but these songs referring to people as pussies as if they are a negative thing as if they're not strong enough to push a human being out of. Saying they have a lot of hoes; saying that they're bothering them for their money as if women are unable to make their own. These ideas ultimately changing the mindset of our culture by telling everyone, it's okay to use women; it's okay to use drugs stating that they took a xan before their flight and they were out like a light. Children 14, 15, 16, 12, 13, and 10 all of these kids aging, developing, and listening to this music and thinking this is how their life is supposed to be, full of drugs and women. You're going to take off a traditional song such as baby it's Cold outside and keep de-

moralizing, desensitizing, offensive content such as those songs an exact quote from one of the lyrics from sickomode by Travis Scott "Stacey Dash, most of these girls ain't got a clue

All of these hoes I made off records I produced

I might take all my exes and put 'em all in a group

Hit my esés, I need the bootch... Bitches treat me like I'm Uncle Luke don't stop pop that pussy" the sexualization of these girls that are listening to this music thinking it's okay to sexualize their own bodies to get their way manipulating men not only hurting men in the long run by desensitizing women thinking that developing emotional connections is only for the weak. It makes preteen girls paranoid about stepping into relationships and lose the value in identifying emotional yearnings but instead purely sexual this desensitizing content hurts our society. And yet baby it's Cold outside is the only thing taken off the radio. the men making these songs are looked up to by young boys those same young boys that touch little girls and say it's okay Travis Scott I said don't stop popping your pussy. Whatever happened to us being offended if you're going to be offended enough to take music off the radio be offended enough to take this off the radio if it really triggers. Being talked about and treated like a piece of meat as a slab of cake that should trigger you.

We should all only appreciate an idea of taking these vulgar things off the radio but also think about taking baby it's Cold outside and what it may do to our country our world even. Growing millennials training themselves that your world should be built around fear. I understand why aggressive behavior could trigger people but telling young people that to be an aggressor is wrong is false things don't get done when you don't have an aggressor relationships don't get started when you don't have an aggressor and I understand the aggressor can be taken in a derogatory format but this is the formal use of aggressor to take the first step slightly forcefully because the truth is there are women out there that appreciate a firm persistent hand it's sad and it's scary because you don't know which is who and you don't know when you're just doing too much when you hear a no that's when you stop when you can see somebody's uncomfortable that's when you stop or at least you take a step back the complementing somebody because you want to talk to them that's being an aggressor not a pedophile not a creep men are the going to be too scared to be viewed as scary or aggressive they don't want to have that name on their forehead because then they have to realize that they are old that's what happens when you get to a certain age people think you're scary when you walk up to them and that's a New concept that you want to stay away from as long as possible and by telling them that you're not allowed to approach a girl because she thinks she's pretty. Telling girls that if you're an aggressor then you're not going to be seen as pretty by anyone training people that it's not okay to be forward you have to beat around the bush you have to hope someone brushes your hand down the hallway and hope that they look at you the way you look at them that hope the blind Faith that something may happen instead of grabbing what you want I understand that I may be too Frank with this what I'm trying to say is aggressors are necessary for the reproduction of our species I guess ending aggressors is a great way to depopulate but it's sad because Obama was an aggress, r not, an aggressive aggressor but he was an aggressor in the relationship and look where that relationship took them all the way to the White House Obama would have not made it there if it was not for Michelle and I'm sure that he could own up to that on his own.

the fact is the people who decided to take off baby it's Cold Outside in the people that listen to the rap music now that degrades women they are present visionaries they don't look into the past or they look into the future and by doing so they are harming our species more than they will ever know training minds and harming people in the way. Will taking these songs off may help your trigger do you think that they may trigger someone else? Somebody that may not be on the planet yet and never will be because their parents never met the way the world was intended to make them meet because their dad was way too scared to talk to their other dad cuz he didn't want to be seen as aggressive or the moms that were supposed to meet and have this great love story. were the two people that found each other finally I knew exactly who they wanted to be when they found each other never did because they were too scared to look at the other person that I when they walk down the street that fear takes away. Fear cannot run a country and fear cannot run us as a society. My motto is felt the fear and do it anyway responsibly of course anyway #girlythings

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austinpanda · 3 years

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Dad Letter 071821

18 July, 2021

Dear Dad--

I shall tell you an epic tale of internet loss! Here's what happened: When we went to bed last Monday night, we had no internet. No big deal, it just goes out sometimes. Still didn't have internet when we woke up on Tuesday, and we continued to be without it all day Tuesday. Then I got off work, and called them, and spent about two and a half hours dealing with them, before the call mysteriously dropped, and I decided not to deal with it any more on Tuesday.

In the two and a half hours I spent failing to reestablish my internet connection on Tuesday, a lot of the problem was explained to me. Firstly, whenever they access my information by my phone number, my Austin, Texas Time Warner shit comes up, and they immediately feel lost in the twilight zone, because I'm in Maine, and have been for some time. Once we get through that shit, and they find our current account, then we have to verify our address. Here's where the stupidity awakens and begins doing yoga to loosen up for the arduous work ahead.

When we moved here, we couldn't get them to give us internet service. We tried so hard, in so many long phone calls, to give them our money, but they refused, because our address doesn't exist. There CAN'T be a trailer 1A, there can only be numbers. If you include a letter, the way 1-A includes a letter, it breaks the whole fucking internet. The guy who represents the leasing company that owns the trailer we're renting even went down to the local Spectrum office and talked to them in person, and it still didn't work, until this one time when we called and got that one guy, the One Right Guy, who knew how to make it work.

The way he made it work was by taking note of the fact that trailer 2 appeared empty (It was not.) and he could just put "Trailer 2" in the address, which made it work, and he could give instructions to the installation pukes that it was actually 1A who needed the connection, not trailer 2. And I was there when the pukes showed up, so I was able to make sure they ran the cable to the proper physical location. And after that, all the mail we got from them said we were trailer 2, and had pissy notes written on it by the mailman asking us to correct it.

But we couldn't correct it, because that breaks the whole internet, if you'll recall, so we found a solution: We went with paperless billing! No more mail from Spectrum, our internet providers.

Then, few days ago, someone associated with trailer 2 requested a termination of service, and sure enough, Spectrum came and shut off the cable/internet to us in trailer 1A, because of the intentionally obfuscated trailer number bullshit.

And they can't just turn us back on, because trailer 2 now has service going with Spectrum, and 1A still doesn't exist! Never fear, they assured me, in the most recent phone call. They can create my address in their system, update everything so that it all has the correct trailer number (1A) on it, and even give us a new, cheaper deal on our next 12 months of internet, EXCEPT!!! When they're creating a new address, they have to physically send someone out to do a required thing, and there's no way around that. The guy still tried to upsell me on a complete cable/internet/phone package, and asked me lots of questions about what I watch, and how much, and what I pay for my phone each month, etc. I found a genuinely sweet and non-sarcastic way of telling him, "We ain't gonna talk about that."

That last phone conversation was yesterday, Wednesday, and now it's Thursday, and they'll be coming by to hook us up between 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. There's a chance I may be charged a couple of fees for the installation, but the Spectrum puke on the phone said he'd make sure we either (a) didn't get charged for it, or (b) get immediately reimbursed for all of it. We'll see how THAT goes, and it's almost time for the installation person to show up.

Okay, the installation person has come and gone. His reaction when I explained why he was there was priceless! He couldn't believe that our internet had been working fine until they switched it off by mistake and he STILL had to come out here and physically do stuff? Crazy talk! They should have fixed it over the phone! Zach and I both assured him that the nice phone pukes at Spectrum tried that many, many times, but since we were a whole new address being created, someone had to come survey the blah blah blah, and he basically said, "Yeah, that's bullshit."

Having said that, he DID have to take our combination cable modem/router away, and replace it with two devices, a cable modem, and a router. We had one combined device, a single black rectangular thing, and now we have two: a black rectangular thing, and a WiFi router that looks like it dispenses febreeze into the air, but it actually dispenses the internet. They really should make it dispense both; I know we have the technology to make that possible.

###

Now a couple of days have passed, and we continue to have speedy, reliable internet. I’ve been bemoaning our lack of adventure lately, but when it comes time for adventure to happen, we tend to want to stay indoors instead. I am working on fixing this! I’ve determined that a lot of my recent depression has been the result of all the isolation over the past year and a half, so I’m now attempting to do more stuff with other people. I have a goal here, too: to be able to have a New Year’s Eve party at our trailer with at least 5 or 6 fun people in attendance. So far I’m up to about 3 fun people, but I’ve got a few months to go, still.

Here’s something I’ve been experiencing some dread about: tomorrow I begin working at the casino full time. I haven’t worked full time since Progressive, years ago, and I’m worried that it’ll rob me of my sanity. I think I’m going to be okay, however! Because, as I predicted, nine hours at the casino doing audits isn’t the same as nine hours at the call center being shat upon by anxious car accident victims. Now the only person who poops on me is my boss, and then, only if I mess up something in a particularly regrettable fashion. Otherwise, my work is free from anyone giving me poop. It’s a refreshing change.

Also I’ve got a hearing aid-type thingy. Getting hearing aids is expensive, even with insurance, and I found a sort of middle ground option. They make a thing called an Olive Smart Ear. Basically, it’s a hearing aid that you can set up at home, and because (I assume) no doctor is involved in the process, they can’t legally call it a hearing aid. It’s called a conversation enhancing ear bud. Woo!

Anyway, the Olive Smart Ear isn’t really intended to be used in pairs. But when you get it, and charge it up, and stick it in your ear, and you install the phone app, you can give yourself a hearing test. It shoots tones to your ear, and you press a button on your phone when you hear the tone. Then it adjusts the gizmo to suit your particular areas of hearing loss, and bam, something resembling a hearing aid but cheaper, with no doctor visit. You can also switch between three modes: normal living mode, conversation mode (background shit is muted) and television mode (TV shit is amplified).

I’ve spent some time wearing it and noticed a few things. First of all, I can hear all my S sounds really loud now, and I hit those Ss too hard, and it makes me sound lispy. I don’t wish to sound lispy any more than I ever wished to sound southern, so I shall work on that. Also, everything makes sounds. The remote to the projector TV makes little clicky sounds I never heard until now. Everything we own makes little clicky sounds. The air conditioner in the living room makes deafening jet engine sounds. But the hearing aid gizmo itself is kind of cool, all black with a couple of glowing lights. The whole thing is a button! You jam it in your ear, and tap and hold to turn it on, tap and hold longer to pair it with your cell phone app, tap and hold longer to turn it off. Quick tape to lower volume, quick double-tap to increase volume. It’s very futuristic. Plus, now I can hear a mouse get a hard-on.

More next week. All my love to you both!

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deardiary152-blog · 7 years

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PART 7

💦WELCOME TO WESTMORELAND💦

Finally in Westmoreland I reached in the evening hours .Hasty sexual encounter again This man can't wait to get in my panties .I didn't give him any sex though just let him suck on my nipples. while he rubbed his dick between my legs till he came I wanted to suck his dick so bad but couldn't as his dick had a raw odor .And I love a fresh smelling dick in my mouth.Boy I wanted to fuck him so bad I was so horny the way he sucked my breast was a complete turn on .Like I could anyway as I still had the infection but had bought some insert tablet to take while I was stayin there .Also bought some toning creams my plans have changed I decided well since I'm In Westmoreland and its not a fast place let !e just chill tone my skin and then think about my next move on how to get my second batch of good which is another 200k plus I didn't want to go home as I didn't look the way I wanted to look for the fact that people seen me by my rent house in the country for awhile I wanted to go back looking fresh .plus I needed a Second batch of good as the 200k could only buy some of the hair but for the beauty and the store also needed repair etc so I had to try and get !money for that also. Anyways the next morning I washed out everything I brought there's because from a couple week earlier I realised a weird smell like a dead rat has started to come from my perspiration why and how? is a question I would pay any money to Gert the answer for But I have a clue that it might be the infection which is long well overdue and needed to be taken care of.Anyways I went outside and washed my clothes it was like 5 different houses in the yard.Mother Brothers Sisters Cousins who is not washing is gettimg ready for school who ain't getting ready for school is gathered in a group gossiping.I was terrified your talking about the right setting to kick off my paranoia to level 100 and yes I have a case where I am scared and get nervous when I see too much people I like to be alone I fear people because I know what they are capable of the capabilities to make your life a living hell just for the fun of it so most times I stay far from them and now I have to face this!!! Im 100%,sure I would be a woman of unsound mind by end of the week damn!no privacy another thing which I crave alot privacy and there was none in that yard the bathroom was in the middle of the yard if u per ten time they know and trust me they know because there's always someone outside being nosy .Even the clothes I washed I suspected where inspected by his mother who also lives in the yard.Man I had to get the hell out of that place .So I called back the guy in Ocho Rios and by early in the morning the next day I was off....

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seekandsekkle · 3 years

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Happy Full Moon in Sagittarius Family.

The Moon: This energy is like walking into a ratchet reality tv episode. We got this Sag Moon lounging around complaining and worrying while doing nothing and everything is due. Then Gemini walks in doing so much talking without looking and gets knocked head first into a wall. While the Sag Moon looks on and laughs then the Eclipse slides in and steals the show with some knock down drag out display of fuckery that won't allow you to do anything else but get tight and right so your life is not this shit show episode. Lunar Eclipses bring chaos into the universe. The purpose of that chaos is to shake you out of the complacency you tend to fall into when you get too comfortable with the bullshit. We ain't got time for that so that means we get this all star lineup. Sag the Archer is getting its bow and arrow ready to deal with all the old shit showing up due to the retrograde, then you have Gemini the grand communicator cooking up conversations that need to be had so healing can occur or freedom can be obtained. Mr. Eclipse is pulling you and your emotions to the darkside so you can get to the roots of some of your core issues...or at least look at them....acknowledge them at the very least cause you could easily get dragged for taking your shit out on everybody because you refuse to do the work on yourself. All funny bits aside we gotta pay attention to the feeling coming up but wait to react. Some of these feelings are parts of old stories we created about ourselves that are not true or they are old paradigms that have shifted on their side but you are still on the previous page. You will never know what people are currently thinking or feeling if you haven't asked. Assumptions get us in a lot of trouble. This is a rough time for everyone in some way or a challenging time. You have no idea what someone is struggling with so be mindful and compassionate about that. Hell be compassionate to ya' got damn self. You've been struggling too, sad too, fucked up in some way too. How would you want folks to respond, how would you like to be cared for?

The Ritual: This Moon and Eclipse ask us to honor the divine feminine. We are still in the mode of honoring the sacred mother, the mothership, the portal of life, the vagina, the womb, the creatrix that gives us access to this world. She is divine and she is worthy of honor and praise. If you are bleeding we honor you and thank you . If you are ovulating we honor you and thank you. If you are deeply emotional we honor you and thank you. If you are activated and excited we honor you and thank you, If you are conceiving we honor you and thank you. If you are in the middle of birth we honor you and thank you. We honor the divine feminine within us regardless of identity. It is the energy of this earth and we must recognize ourselves in her and honor what is sacred. Light a white or pink candle for her, state what you want to release. Breathe in and exhale deeply holding your womb or your belly and feel the energy of the great mother. Thank her humbly.

The Tea: (read the sign for your sun, moon and rising to get the most out of this tea)

Aries - You ready for something new...life, job, career, path, religion, teacher...something ain't been working and you are finally ready to make it happen. You wanna feel good, feel like you are progressing at something. Now is the time. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on your fears,especially when it comes to your fame or lack thereof. You are afraid to get under that spotlight due to the past. Just know things can be different this time, believe in yourself.

Taurus - Being avoidant won't make the things go away, it just makes a bigger mess to clean up later. Lets get ahead of the shit this time and just face it all head on. I know this ain't how you like it but trust me its better this way. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on beliefs. Everything you have understood to this point could be actually different and you may begin to see the truth for the first time on some things and this may shake you up a bit. You will really see how truth can set you free on ideas and beliefs that no longer serve you.

Gemini - You have been everything for everybody and now you need the care you give, the love you give, the service you provide. You are gonna sit this one out and go inward yet again. Have several seats and get your list of boundaries so you are not overdoing and hurting yourself in the process. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on personal power or lack of thereof. Somewhere in there you forgot who the fuck you are. It's time to remember you are a dynamic, divine being. Accept your greatness and move on.

Cancer - This moon energy has thrown a wrench in all of your plans. The goal was to help you see that you can be your biggest enemy. You make choices sometimes that pull you away from all the blessings you have in your hands. You may lose some things so that you may learn to appreciate some things. I know it feels frustrating because everything was going so well and then it all derailed....Let this be looked at as divine intervention umkay. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your relationships how you manage them and who you have them with. You may have a hard time listening to your gut during this cycle. Get some guidance for once you could gain some insight that gets you back on track to winning.

Leo - Trying to create with others is not the way to go this moon cycle. You will have miscommunications and misunderstandings and who knows what else. You got some good ideas but at the wrong time. Wait it out and once Mercury goes direct try again. This Eclipse is casting its light on ya mouth. Watch what you say and to whom. Don't get caught up in drama or gossip it will backfire yo ass so swift you will think you got hit,

Virgo - The world is trying to tell you to slow and steady wins the race but you ain't been listening. Do you okay but just know that this tendency to think you know better will show you exactly where you went wrong when it's too late. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on the details. Make sure you check your mail, email, messages, schedules so you don't overbook, underbook or double book ya self. Be extra Virgo about all this stuff so you don't have too many "Doh" moments

Libra - You trying to fly out the nest but you need to settle for a Staycation cause this retrograde energy will mess up all your plans. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your temper. This is a great time for breathwork, grounding and following the way of the peaceful warrior cause you aint gon' win none of the fights you find yourself in.

Scorpio - Hold on to ya coins. This ain't the time to sign the deal. This retrograde energy will have you regretting all the decisions you make right now, While you wait you can use this time dreaming, creating, or making money instead of spending money. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your feelings. Ima tell this heaux to leave you alone and let you be. It's too much for you anyway. This is not a time when I'm gonna tell you to go deep into that scary darkness. This time ima let you turn a night light on while you focus on some unexpected blessing falling out the sky for you.

Sagittarius - Out with the old in with the new. New you boo boo. Since you are changing and growing, so are your needs, hopes and dreams. This could also factor in your need to change you who fucking with. Everybody can't come where you are growing, they won't fit in the car nor the life you are dreaming to have. It's ok you won't miss them when you're happy doing something or someone else. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your communication especially with people you're romantically connected to. If you are booed up check in on thangs so you stay that way.

Capricorn - Hey Cappy this moon will have all your shit fucked up...ok that was dramatic as hell and you didn't deserve that but if I said it nicely you wouldn't take me seriously. You can be practical and go over all meeting details 100 times. I say surrender to the bitch and just blame everything on the retrograde. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your transformation. You've been doing some work on yourself, now it is a good time to do an assessment of these changes and chart your progress. Shift somethings if its needed

Aquarius - Your path is the way of the solo wanderer. Your best magic is done in the privacy of your own space, cooking up a good meal and spending time with the emotions no one knows you have. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on the drama brewing with the comrades. Your job is to whistle and walk on by when the bullshit starts flying around. You can try some comic relief to lighten up the mood or you can simply let the bomb go off after you have left the building of course.

Pisces - Playing small won't get you nothing at all. You are a Boss so embrace it. This is a great time to release some old feelings of worthiness, imposter syndrome of just lack of confidence. You got this, believe me. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your homegirl/boy crew. Some people aint gon' make it on your new team and let that be ok. We tend to grow apart from folks when we start doing the work. Misery wants company but evolution wants the light.

Extra Tea

Weed Strains for your sign. Puff Good

Make yourself some good ass Moon Water. Set a full jar of spring water (lid on) in the Moon light and let this energy charge it up. Harvest before daybreak. Drink it for a charge, bath in it for a cleanse, give it to your plants for a blessing.

This is a Super Moon and this Eclipse has taken the energy to another level. We could use some help so I recommend charging up your Blue Lace Agate. This stone will help you manage the Geminis Sun and Sagittarius Moon energy since together they could have you combobulated. Blue Lace Agate is good for helping you get your thoughts together, it will help you pull those repressed feelings to the surface so you can release them. I appreciate the way it helps me stand firm in my truth...whatever truth that is in the moment. This is a perfect stone to use when you need help activating your throat chakra. If you don't already have some now would be a good time to getchoo some.

Created for Moon Tes Subscribers. Get the tea in your inbox twice a month. Send me a message and ill sign you up.

Bushmama Africa

Multidisciplinary Artist, Curator, Workshop Facilitator

Spiritual Life Coach, Intuitive Astrologist

Culture Preservationist, Sex Trafficking Abolitionist

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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"40 acres and a mule"

Baby what the Hell you want a mule for?

Alright baby. Let me tell you.

You will never ever ever get reparations.

Y'all this lady instigated him and pissed him off. Called him a dam liar and a begger and all kinds of bad.

I quit watching it. I seen enough. "Hustler"

Bitch I'll hustle my fist in your teeth and get you a new set, don't talk hustle when you don't know a dam thing about it.

Let me tell you about me.

I'm registered 1/16 Muscogee (Musckogee and/or Muskogee as well) Creek Nation out of Oklahoma. Our tribe headquarters is in Oklahoma in a mound of dirt -- under a pile of earth is our headquarters.

We have the original council house of brick in town it's a measeuem were all very proud of. Its on 6th street. On a big ole square.

So. Let me tell you. We used to be in Georgia. That's why i picked Atlanta for a big ole fuck you fire. I picked others but I said "this is a government thing?"

"Not really Sabrina it's more police"

"I'm hearing government in that word. Can I fuck up Atlanta? I'll take some country Georgia but you know my tribe is from Atlanta specifically. I don't want no one to get hurt though"

Tree said "i got something perfect, a Wendy's because you use to live in Ireland, too Miss Red Leg hairs in the sun"

"Alright then. Ill take you on Then. Its a done deal".

This was 2008 and to be clear, we didn't start human trafficking in that parking lot -- they already was. 12 years and they ain't stopped. We did intervene but, they dumb and stubborn and they stayed away from the Wendy's unlike the other night. For the last 12 years. This way they would be more inclined to use it. Like we bust them and they keep on. They don't care. Its greed. An addiction. They can't see. So.

I get punched in the face and I get back up and fight again. Same thing - different American Dreams.

So Spain came now Spain is over by Europe. Look at a map. And we left. From fear, we went to Florida.

We didn't have no label. We were humans. We were love. So we moved down to Tampa area.

Then we got named by the whites. The whites then fought us unlike the Spaniards who just wanted to share and we didn't want to. So we just left.

So some of us was all fuck you. We ain't moving just because Spain said we did for them don't mean we will for you. So. We fought.

Some of us were captured. So then the white people said you will show us America, The New World. Like bitch you think we know it all been all over and shit like we got cars. Fuck.

So the whites raped and tried to kill all that refused to move. So they left them. We left them. They were named Seminoles.

Because semen they were raped and we also left the old that were unable to travel. And the small kids. Two words. Semen in. Olds. Raped. Wounded. Old and children.

The rest of us took the whites and Spaniards (some did and some didn't war) across the new world.

And we followed Creeks. The Spaniards knew the rivers went North and South. They wanted to go West.

So we walked. All the way to the Middle of the United States of America. And stopped.

We said we want our land. We want our trust. We want our lives back. You go do you and leave us here and alone without you.

The Spaniards agreed. And the whites of course so fucking greedy and non cognitive. Fought.

Eventually we got our land. My family. We had a big ole 2 floor 10 room mansion. It felt like.

32 years later the government decided they wanted to build a dam. And once again. Our land was gone.

And our land was stolen.

Now that glorious home we had that my family earned to show the way West is gone. Flooded under a lake built by a dam in Oklahoma.

They moved us to Okmulgee about 45 minutes South of Tulsa.

Its not a reservation. Anyone can live there. In fact our HQ is in the city limits.

And we don't have land. We don't have anything we were promised.

Since i don't live there and i live in New Mexico, I don't get any of the benefits. And because New Mexico Native Americans warred with each other due to the Hispanics from Central America. Other Nations don't like to help me.

Here. Native American tribes in New Mexico. They're prejudice against each other. And whites.

And it's really fucking bad. I used to work at the BIA. Beaururu of Indian Affairs. "What tribe are you?" And if you were Aztec you were cool. If you were Peublo you were fighting with Navajo. And vice versa.

And we were making sure people of ALL Tribes got money for their needs. Like for medicine or transportation. And our office was fighting each other.

Like what the Hell? We all have the same purpose here. We all come from the same place, we all have the same heart and same pain. And we're all are hurt and so why are you all hurting each other?

I got a tattoo of an Indian Head on my left lower arm so no matter what unless it was long sleeves, everyone could see.

And i would hear them physically hitting each other. And they all remembered I got the tattoo and i showed them when i came back from lunch and I wss all bleeding and it was brand new.

Then i went around and showed them all as it healed. Showed them progress and lack off.

So they would fight. The Aztecs didn't put up with shit like me. And so people would try to dominate them

So i could always hear them fight. And it was a big office. An entire floor of the big Compass Bank building in Albuquerque. But I could always hear them except on the complete opposite because door ways. But three certain ladies would go to the hall and call for me to go stop it.

You know. It was the year 2000. I was only born in 1985 although I have always used a different birthday since i was adopted of 1980.

So literally I was 15 years old. "Legally" i was only 19 and not even old enough to buy alcohol and there I was pulling grammas off each other And people old enough to be my mom.

They called me a stupid white. Because I am light skinned. A stupid white nigger. I know what that is. An abusive slave owner

Me!! Me of all people!!!

I already had PTSD coming out the ass and i could barely drag my ass out of bed in the morning because i wss so suicidal depressed. And i get called a slave owner. A lazy and abusive one at that!?!

"Well i don't see you working!! You wanna call people nigger you brown ass bitch?!?! Your ass is always fighting!! Why don't you go earn a paycheck!!" She regretted running her mouth at me more than 2x. I had shoved her and when she got closer, she claimed because she couldn't hear although people from the complete opposite walls came running, i punched her in the face. Cold coked her dead to the floor. She had that evil gleam. The dead Zulululu look. That evil dumb bitch look. And no fucking way was she touching me. So then her back up who was like 7 foot tall grabbed up my hair and vagina and threw me 8 feet across the room.

I just got up and sat at my desk and pretended like nothing happened. Just like the Zulululu do. I had road rash like a mother fucker tho.

I got him later in the parking lot. Shoved him in front of a moving car at 40 mph. This girl that worked with us. A 68 mustang all real metal total steel.

He never came back to work to mess with us. And,the girl got transferred to another floor. And I got called down for her 5th fight and I interviewed the people around the fight area and they said they all worked in peace until she had come. They had whites tho.

And most New Mexico Native Americans HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE whites.

So she got fired, I recommended it. She couldn't get along with anyone. I recommended she get a job on her reservation in Montana for her tribe and so the BIA paid for her to move. Citing emotional difficulties, PTSD due to government intervention in Native American lives.

So this man he's asking for reparation in this video.

And i just want to answer him..

You never will. They were gonna fire her. Leave her dead. I asked special they send her away to a place she could likely find peace.

Nd she did. But if it wasn't for me, she would had nothing.

And she had called me a white nigger and I got thrown 8 feet across the room because of her.

I'm adding her now and him to the list. Idc if they been interviewed, its eye for an eye. They are both Zulululu and still causing fights over nothing.

I had slammed her against the wall by her throat and i wanted to kill her and i should had. But i told her "im going to do something for yoh because i hate myself more than i hate you and you will accept it. And if hou keep acting like this you will receive death more than me slamming your head on this printer until you can't breathe" then i put all the pressure I could without killing her on her throat. Then killed her anyway. Died myself went through the black hole and dragged her ass back in her body pushed the EMT OFF ME, got up and jumped on her stomach and chest full body and killed her again then this bitch tried to go to the sun, so i got her ass back. Threw her ass back in. Woke up in the fucking elevator, trying to get outta the stretcher "oh im fine where is this dam bitch"

"Oh my God! You gotta lay down!"

"Fine i bet she's not back in" got out of my body and found her hiding in the dirt.

This bitch wanted to fight?! She was gonna find me fighting her. Behind death for the rest of her life.

She was old, too. Like 46... I was only 15/19. More than twice my age. 3x my real.

I woke up in the stretcher downstairs laughing and farting. She was crying how scared she was. I thought it was funny. I was so mad I didn't care how she felt. Scared was not what i expected. It surprised me and made me laugh. I didn't know how she would feel. She never stopped fighting. Scared of me? Nah. Im just an innocent sweet babe.

So other than her, i would show people my tattoo when the fought. "You and I. You and her. We all come from the same place. We are all Indians! Look at me! My tattoo! It hurt! For no reason and I didn't want it to! Lets just get over it and heal ourselves in our souls the Indian way!"

They had saw. Some had taken photos. They knew it hurt. It swelled up. It was red. Imflammed but not infected. Like anger of the hearts.

I shouldn't had to prove we suffered

So I ask those asking or demanding reparations, please don't.

We don't all have benefits. And we have pain and suffering. And a lot is jealousy because some tribes have more than others.

If you get reparations, i fear the ramifications.

"Oh them ni**ers got shit and we didn't"

Babes. Sometimes it just time to let go.

Just let it go, baby.

I can't think of my family's land and mansion under water. Flooded. I get punched in the fucking heart. And it hurts. It hurts so bad

I ain't a piece of trash. Following a dam creek so fucking far just to climb what looked like another mountain. Fuck that.

Then they flood it. Fuck you back.

Fuck you back. Fuck you back. They said. FUCK YOU. BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT TO BE RAPED AND WOUNDED AND YOU TOOK US TO THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY ON YOUR BARE FEET AND HALF YOU DIED ALONG THE WAY BECAUSE WE BEAT AND RAPED YOU ANYWAY. FUCK YOU BACK FOR NO REASON THAT YOU WERE ALIVE AND IN OUR NEW WORLD FIRST.

OUR NEW WORLD. FUCK YOU. PIECE OF TRASH.

Lost city of Atlantis. People look for it by Greece and shit. Its just in Oklahoma.

We came from Atlanta. "Fine this can be your new Atlas location" said the Spaniards..

But they were too nice. Christopher Columbus was too nice. Spaniards brought food and shelters. But we we're afraid of them. Their odd food, and so on. We did not know what they were. We didn't recognize any one. When we went to Florida they did go with. It was exploration to them. Running away to us. They followed, just curious.

Then we understood. They were like children playing. Innocent. They followed. They kept us safe.

They knew we were afraid once there was a ravine. Their scouts spotted it. They knew we ran our horses too fast and we would all died. They raced ahead in the night while we camped and they all stood to block us off. 100 feet from the edge they formed a line of their own bodies to stop us.

That is when we knew we could trust the Spaniards. So we went scout back to Atlanta to see what happened there. And to tell what had occurred. That our lives had been saved.

Then we took court. We camped near side them for 10 days to decide how much of our lives we should give. Reports came back that 100% trust would be accurate. And so slowly we allowed the "wapuauhaluani" to lean into the Spaniards to truly see what they were all about.

We became friends.

But the whites took over the country. And we all lost.

So I understand what my brothers and sisters and my ma's and pas and little babies in the African American community is going through.

From the eyes of my current life as a registered 1/16 Native American, 23andme says only 3%

As a person to get a tattoo to stop war after I did so many years of community work in the Black Panthers where obviously I am not black any more and I was accepted.

I know what it feels like to be white and hated.

I know what it feels like to be hated for the color of my skin.

As a white person.

But fully accepted into the black community..

So excuse me when I go to a state that has an actual African American population and I just sit and stare looking like a true jack ass.

I just feel like myself. I feel complete. And I feel accepted.

And so not all of you know me. I do work in South America and all over the globe and i treat them all the same.

Reparations, i am afraid. I know and I believe will have repercussions this day and age.

So now Altlanta. Where i am from. My tribe was all brown there. Is now black.

I don't be ignorant and hate them because they took over my town.

That's not why i say. I say because it happens to everyone else.

And so I plan to treat people all the same. We do the DNA4U paid education and quizzes. And i know its not what you ask but it is done by the Tree of Infinite Knowledge.

And right now I'm just a POW and i can't do more than what I can.

But all you beautiful people that is gonna survive. I promise you.

Every single person on this Earth has suffered.

Every single person will get rewards for living. Every thing will be okay..

I know it's not today. Today is the fight for our beautiful children in this world and ourselves.

Its not almost over yet its not just beginning.

This is the orgasm state. Orgasm. So intense and wild and pleasurable and exhausting.

What comes after? Bliss and peace.

Tree keeps telling me two to four years more

My babies, it sounds so long. But every time he says 2 years I say "Well at least it's only 2"

I ask him 3 times a week. "How long is it now?"

We are gonna be okay.

You know those books that you pick the ending? What you do effects it?

Sometimes you can do 5 different things and the ending is the same?

People. I saw call it the "plandemic"

Trust me, it's planned so hard core the black hole feels it. We will win.

I gave up my only child. She was 4 years old. In 2008. I have a clone. And her spirit comes sometimes in it. And sometimes it's other ghosts.

People were wondering why I was crying the other day when I was driving. And I didn't want to say.

My daughter is in prison now. To keep her safe. You cannot imagine the intense fear I have every single day. And I don't even understand myself as for why.

I can see my daughter and she's safe and she's happy and laughing. But... She's a divine clone. My parents made her and the evil aliens took my real daughter.

They call her Sophia. She volunteered. Well. Voluntold. She said "someone needs to fix this! I was born on Martin Luther King's (Jr) birthday of his I have a dream speech and I have a dream too! For someone to fix this!!"

And my mom said from the dead, "I have a proposal"

Like I'm screaming and already bawling but u stop myself because she goes straight out of body and stands in front of my mom.

Its so beautiful. Then it is like a horrible Disney Fairytale curse.

"So i just want you to say yes and don't think about anything and don't think about your mom. She's hurt. Remember her back is broke? Now back to Martin Luther King. Yoh can make all dreams come true. You can be the Hero for the whole entire world because your dad is a mess and you can change this from oh 47 years to about 12 what do you think about that?"

"Yes!! I do! I want that! What do you think mom?"

And i could only stare at how beautiful mu child is. And I felt the horrific horror of how the Queen or fairy God mother puts the whole town to sleep for the curse and you know i began to bawl.

In our past lives. She wasnt the brave one. She was the first born. And she was always with me. Over protective like crazy. Someone was always watching just to make sure she breathed right and had all she needed immediately. Never went out. Always had 7 layers of guards between her and the outside world.

And my mom of all people was telling her to go free and go Just walk in the front door of evil to live.

I was proud. And joyful and in complete agony.

I had to do what was right.

God didn't send his only begotten son to die on the cross. That never haoend.

But a Goddess gave birth to a girl after having sex. And the aliens that attempted to kill her on a cross, named her Jesus and wrote a shameful book about her called the Bible. With nothing but lies. And that Jesus. The real Jesus. The Only Jesus. Sent her only daughter into the pits of Earths most Evil to destroy it with dreams.

So we will all suffer for two to four more years..

For that child to allow us to finish our work.

And no one will say the word reparations again. They will simply say "thank you, I am happy with the changes"

My mom promised me and my daughter.

Due to the True Annabelle parading around as Sophia (now in my prison and went swimming with a historical sibling that was born in a lifetime different than this in their shared hall cell) we are down to two to four years as opposed to 35.

So please quit fucking with Christopher Columbus.

The statues that are being taken down by states will be placed when it's safe to do so in places Christopher Columbus loved, if that is okay with every one else.

Robert E Lee as well. Tree has already publicly listed our blessed that we were so lucky to have that ARE heros for Earth.

Obviously not all white people are bad. But they used to be. Back then. Obviously I am 95% White according to 23 and me.

We had an emergency situation. So we changed the skin of all people not on the Africa continent to white. That os on the non American side. Later after invasions we changed all our good to brown.

This way. Because the invading aliens were so power full. So #1 is protect.

So Northern Europe was changed to white from Negro in order to blend in with the invaders. This way invaders in that,area,didn't know who to kill.

So,obviously invading in Ireland was red heads and white skin.

Sweden, yellow hair and white skin.

So we instantly did that.

Then because of information they would continue to invade that area, we kept them the aliens color.

So all of us except the negros are the color of aliens.

But the Zulululu kills and invades the body with their souls. So now African color folks have alien as well as every other color..

And that is why I'm fed the fuck up.

Im killing every fucking alien i don't agree with.. We did 12 years of intensive studies. In 1994 we jailed ass holes like Trump and more. And this is the end result.

THIS IS THE APOCALYPSE..

Y'all Jesus been here 35 years.. And i want to kill myself. This Earth. I just wanna blow it up and start all over. But I'm stubborn.

And I'm PISSED the fuck off.

And i have a child willing to risk her life until age 16.

Like the damdesr Princess in the world.

So every one will get the land they are owed.

African Americans. Remember VIKINGS.. Our babies, our brothers and sisters our elderly had their land stolen.

People in Africa. The Middle East.

I had to tear down a dam wall in the middle of Germany.

Okay?

I'm here and i hate it.

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