#(around the same time in the year too it was weird)

[iluvmattsbeard]

threat (m.s)

master list

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: swearing/smut/p in v/ unprotected sex/cheating/mentions a bit of blood/drinking

preview: you and your baby daddy Matt kept a close relationship for the sake of your toddler. your boyfriend Liam never saw Matt as a problem. he knew you guys were only close because of your shared child, or so he thought.

a/n: drama alert 😗 - L 🤍

you were laying on the couch with your boyfriend Liam as you both watch a movie. you weren’t paying attention as much because you couldn’t help but have constant thoughts in your head. tomorrow was your daughter Sophie’s 2nd birthday. you were feeling anxious of the thought of your boyfriend and your baby daddy finally meeting. you have been hesitant to introduce Liam to Matt. you let out a soft sigh. your boyfriend looks at you as he speaks up, “what’s wrong?” you look at him hesitant to speak what’s on your mind. “come on you can tell me.” he adds on reassuringly. “i’m nervous for tomorrow.” you say quietly.

his face soon turned into confusion, “what why? is it because i’m finally going to meet Matt?” he asks which you respond with a nod. his expression softens as he lets out a laugh, “babe don’t worry so much. i’m glad I can finally meet him and finally see if he’s better looking than me.” he says. you just sit there with an unamused look as his smile fades, “in all seriousness, i understand how important this is to you. i know you guys are co parenting for Sophie and I think it’s awesome how you guys kept a close bond for her.” he says. “it’s just- i mean-.” you sigh stopping yourself, “he has to have some sort of approval you know? i mean you are around his daughter constantly.” you finish off.

Liam nods, “I understand. I’ll just have to leave off a good impression.” he says with a smile. you still have the same blank face as you nod. you lay your head back down on his chest as you continue to have the thoughts. you were hoping for the best.

*time skip*

you were in the backyard setting up the tables as your Mom helped you. your mom stared at you as she noticed your expression. "what's wrong Y/n?" she asks laying down napkins. you were fixing the center pieces as you stop to look at her. "is it obvious?" you say with an awkward laugh. she lets out a soft laugh before responding, "yes it is. is it because Liam and Matt are going to meet later?" you sigh, "yes. Liam is some what excited to meet him. Matt on the other hand has been giving this weird vibe through text. what if Matt doesn't approve?" you say.

"so what if he doesn't? just because you have a daughter together doesn't mean you can't simply have your own life." she says. "plus, he was the one who ended the relationship between you two remember?" she adds on. she was right about that. Matt ended the relationship because he didn't feel ready for the whole commitment of living together. he thought everything was going too fast. he still wanted to be in his daughter's life though. he's a good father, he just wasn't the best partner.

he wasn't good at being open or vulnerable. so that's what ended the relationship. you and Liam on the other hand have been together for almost a year and he does nothing but prove to you that he is a great man. he adores your daughter and that's what made you grow more attached to him. you nod your head, "yeah you're right. i'm with Liam now so he just has to put up with it." you say with a weak smile. she rubs your shoulder, "good. now let's go fix the dessert table." she says.

as time goes by, guests finally started to arrive. you were holding your daughter as she rested on your hip. Liam was right next to you as he tries to make Sophie smile for a picture, "look over here Sophie!" he says holding his phone while making a silly face. Sophie starts to giggle as she looks at the camera. meanwhile while you were giggling as well at Liam, Matt walks into the backyard. "Matthew!" your mom says with a smile, embracing him in a hug. Matt embraces her back in a hug as he says hi. as they were hugging, he sees you laughing in the distance with Liam and Sophie. it made him tense up a bit from the sight. he pulls away from your mother as he speaks, "i'm going to go say hi to Y/n and them." he says as your Mom nods.

Matt then makes his way to you guys. you notice and do a double take making your smile fade away. you could tell he was tense. he was wearing a white shirt, black pants with his keys hooped onto his belt ring, and a fitted hat. you gulp as you lock eyes with him. "hey Matt." you say quietly. "Dada!" Sophie squeals as she reaches for him. Matt takes her from your arms as he smiles, "hi princess." he says. he then looks at Liam, looking at him up and down, "what's up. you must be Liam." he says. "yes that's me. you must be Matt." Liam responds holding his hand out. Matt looks at his hand for a bit before going to give him a handshake. Liam gulps with a nervous smile. he was a bit intimidated by Matt. he didn't expect Matt to look the way he does.

Matt notices your stare as he grins, "you did good setting this up. i'm sorry I couldn't help. busy morning." he says. "thank you. it's fine, I had my parents and Liam to help me." you respond. Liam was noticing the way Matt looked at you. he wrapped his arm around you as he looked at Matt. Matt tenses up again and lets a fake smile appear on his face, "Dada! bouncy house!" Sophie says making him look at her and chuckle. "well I guess I have to go." Matt says as he walks away with Sophie. "are you sure I have nothing to worry about with you and Matt?" Liam says pulling away. you widen your eyes as you nod, "of course! me and Matt are just co parenting." you say. "okay, just making sure." he smiles, "I hope I get to talk to him more later." you just nod and give a fake smile. you turn to look towards the bounce house as you see Matt playing with your daughter.

you couldn't help but look in admiration. even though you were in a relationship, you still couldn't shake off the thought of 'what if?'. what if things were different? you just stood there as you tried to avoid the thoughts. later on, Liam and Matt started to talk to each other as you sat there with Sophie on your lap. it looked like they were getting along, which made you feel a little bit of relief. you were mostly studying Matt's facial expressions and body language. it looked like he was enjoying the conversation.

"time for cake!" you hear your mother say. you get up carrying Sophie as you make your way to the dessert table. everybody else follows as they gather around the table. you stood behind the cake as Matt joins right next to you. you all started to sing happy birthday as Matt keeps his eyes on you while singing. you weren't paying attention as you sing as well. when the song comes to an end, you smile as you lean towards the cake. "blow the candle baby!" you say to Sophie.

Sophie blows out the candle and everybody claps. Sophie claps as well while giggling. "take a picture guys!" your mother says holding her phone out. you and Matt stand close together, "look Sophie, look at grandma and smile." you say. she smiles big making you let out a soft laugh. your laughter slowly died out as you felt Matt's arm wrap around your waist, gripping a bit. you gulp before smiling a bit at the camera. you felt Matt softly rub your waist as his hand touched your skin a bit under your shirt. after the picture was taken, you move away quickly.

time goes by and the party finally ends, you say bye to everybody and thank them. “i got to go too babe.” Liam says. you turn to look at him as you speak, “what why? you aren’t spending the night?” he smiles a bit before responding, “i have work early in the morning. you know this.” you sigh and nod, “alright… just text me when you get home.” you say. he embraces you in a hug and he kisses your forehead before leaving. “how sweet.” you hear a familiar voice say. you turn your head around to see Matt. "are you heading out now too?" you say. "yeah. I cleaned up a bit so you have less to do. I also took a few of Sophie's gifts so she can have some more toys at my place." he says. you nod and smile, "thank you. tell Nick and Chris I said hi." you say. "I will." he says walking to leave but he stops right next you as he whispers in your ear, "I don't like him." you widen your eyes as he walks out.

a few days pass by since the party and you couldn't help but replay what Matt last said to you before he left. how could he just leave with no explanation to his words? you thought they were hitting it off, what made Matt dislike him? you were in the kitchen as you poured yourself a glass of wine. you sat on the your bar stool as you looked through the photos that had been taken at the party. you couldn't help but keep your eyes on the one of you and Matt. remembering his touch on your waist in that moment.

as you sit there staring at the photo, you hear the door bell ring. you put down your wine glass as you look towards the door confused. who could it be? you get up walking towards the door, opening it. you were caught by the site of Matt. he was wearing the same fitted hat from the party, grey long sleeve shirt, and baggy jeans. your eyes widen a bit from shock, "Matt? what are you doing here?" you ask.

"I thought I was picking up Sophie?" he says. you look at the date on your phone before looking back up at him, "no, you were supposed to pick her up tomorrow. she's with my parents right now." you say. he knew that. he just wanted an excuse to see you, "oh, I got the days mixed up." he says which was a lie. you let out a soft laugh as you believe his words, "yeah..." you say. it stayed silent for a bit as he checks you out, "can I stick around for a bit? I mean I didn't drive here for no reason." he says. you were hesitant but eventually respond, "uh sure I guess." he smiles as you open the door all the way letting him in. you shut the door before following behind him towards the kitchen. "drinking on a Wednesday afternoon?" he chuckles. you smile nervously, "I was just in the mood to do so." you reply.

he takes off his hat, laying it down on the counter. he began to fix his hair in the microwave reflection as you stand there watching him. “so… about what you last said…” you say quietly. he turns to look at you, “what about it?” he asks. “well, i thought you guys were getting along. why don’t you like him?” you ask shifting uncomfortably. he grins before speaking up, “it’s not that i think he’s a bad guy. he’s cool to talk to don’t get me wrong. i just don’t like him for you.” you look at him with confusion before responding, “why is that?” “Y/n, do you think i believe it?” he says catching you off guard, “what is that supposed to mean?” you ask.

“you really want me to believe you actually want to be with him?” he says before letting out a chuckle, “look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t think about me still.” he adds on. your eyes widen a bit, taken aback by his words, “are you serious Matt?” you say. he gets closer to you, looking down at you, “tell me.” he says. you look up at him as you analyze his face. what is he doing? you could smell his cologne from how close he was. the familiar scent drove you crazy. “i-i’m with Liam.” you stutter out. he lets out a laugh as he grips onto your waist, picking you up, placing you on the counter, “keep telling yourself that.” he says before attaching his lips onto yours.

your eyes widen again as you almost pull away but you quickly give in from the familiarity. his hands were attached on your hips under your shirt slightly. the kiss was getting heavier as you felt him stick his tongue into your mouth. you do the same back as your tongues fight for dominance. he eventually won like always. your legs were wrapped around his waist as he begins to kiss on your neck. “Matt…” you moan out softly. he grins before picking you up walking to your bedroom. he lays you down on the bed before going to shut the door, locking it. he wastes no time crawling on top of you as he reattaches his lips with yours. it felt so wrong but so right at the same time.

he then slips his hand down your silk pajama pants as he rubs on your clothed cunt. you gasp a bit from the sudden feeling as you felt yourself get wet. “M-Matt…” you stutter out. he then starts to kiss on your neck again as you moan out softly before turning to look to your side to see the framed photo of you and Liam. shit. Matt then pulls away, slipping his hand out from your pants as he takes off his shirt. he notices you looking at the framed photo. he goes back to kiss you as you kiss back, without pulling away, he knocks the frame from the table onto the ground on purpose. he begins to take your shirt off, exposing your bare tits. he looks at them, “how i missed them.” he says. you blush slightly from his words.

he then pulls down your pajama pants along with your panties. he then pulls down his jeans along with his boxers which makes your eyes widen at his lengthy cock. “you missed this huh?” he asks. you gulp while nodding. you knew he was much bigger than Liam. you spread your legs as he takes the blanket to cover you both before inserting into you causing you to throw your head back from the feeling. he begins to thrust back and forth as he watches your face that had visible pleasure shown. “you like that baby? feels good huh?” he says. you nod moaning out, “fuck yes.” he laughs before picking up the pace, “that’s right.” he says. your eyes started to roll back as he hit your g spot over and over again. Matt smirks, “you belong to me.” he says.

before you know it, you both were going at it for a while. you were taking in the moment as you now remembered why you both ended up with a child. when you guys were finished, Matt kisses your forehead before getting up, “can i take a shower?” he asks. you nod, “of course you can.” he smiles before going to the bathroom, leaving you there staring at the ceiling.

after a bit, you put your panties and your shirt back on clueless. little did you know, Liam was downstairs looking for you. as he heads to the kitchen, he notices Matt’s fitted hat. which made him pick it up with his face heating up from anger. he grips the hat before walking upstairs to your room, quickly opening the door. Matt walks out with only a towel wrapped around his waist, he locks eyes with the angered man as you sit up looking at Liam as well, “so how long has this been going on?” Liam says. “L-Liam. i can explain.” you say. he just throws the hat on the bed as he walks out the room. you get up quickly, running after him. “Liam please!” you shout desperately. Matt begins to put his clothes on in your room. Liam stops walking as he turns to look at you, “you’re fucking ridiculous Y/n.” he says.

“Liam please it’s not what it looks like.” you plead. all he does is scoff, “what the fuck do you mean? it’s clear to me.” he says. “i didn’t want to see him as a threat for your sake and for your daughter but i guess i had to.” he adds on shouting. “i-i didn’t think this would happen.” you say. “oh don’t start.” he says rolling his eyes. “i’m sorry Liam it was so sudden-.” you say but he cuts you off, “it’s a little too late for that. it was obvious since the party that you still felt some type of way for him. you lied to me!” he shouts. Matt was at door listening. “can you please calm down? like i said, i didn’t think this would happen.” you say. Liam just scoffs again, “you didn’t think this would happen? where you would spread your legs like a fucking slut?” he shouts causing you to flinch from the words that came out his mouth.

suddenly, Matt comes out from the door way as he swings at Liam. you cover your mouth as you look at the boy on the ground holding his face, “why did you do that?!” Liam yells out. Matt was standing there angrily as he yanks Liam from his shirt aggressively to get closer to his face, “you know why i did that. what you’re going to do now is go down those stairs and walk out the fucking door.” Matt says sternly. you stand there shocked as you see Liam’s lip bleeding from the altercation. Liam just stares at Matt with the same shocked expression as you. “and don’t even bother showing up again. understood?” Matt adds on. “don’t just fucking stare at me. answer me.” Matt shouts angrily which causes Liam to nod quickly. he releases him from his grip as the busted up boy walks down the stairs, leaving your house.

Matt looks at you, “what a pussy.” he says with a laugh. “I can’t believe he called me a slut.” you say. “a slut for me that’s for sure.” Matt says with a grin. you smile hitting him playfully, “there you ruined my relationship are you happy?” you say. “yeah i guess.” he says which causes you to glare at him. “what do you mean ‘i guess’?” you say. “well yeah i’m glad he’s gone now but it would make me even happier if you got back together with me.” he says. “are you even ready?” you ask because last you recall he wasn’t. “i’m more than ready. seeing you be happy with that guy and Sophie at the party made me angry. but i felt stupid for being angry because if i didn’t leave in the first place, you wouldn’t have been with that guy. now, i realize what i did was cowardly. instead of thinking for myself i should’ve thought about you and our little family.”

you stand there with your stomach turning. when did he become so open? “if you give me a chance, i will make it up to you and Sophie. I love you Y/n.” he says which makes your heart start to beat fast. “i love you too Matt. i want nothing more than this.” you say. Matt smiles and embraces you in a hug. it stayed silent for a bit until he broke it, “plus be honest.” you look up at him confused, “what?” you ask. he looks down at you with a grin, “who fucks you better? i mean you did have my baby.” he says. you push him away turning red which makes him laugh. “answer the question Y/n.” he says with a smile. “shut up Matt.” you say. you already knew he knew the answer to that stupid question.

a/n: daddy Matt 😗 this song is so nostalgic - L 🤍

Tag list! (comment anything to be added)

@jnkvivi @fuckshitslover @nickgetsmewetter @mwahsturns @jetaimevous @sturniolo-fann

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA FOR TELLING MY FRIEND TO STOP LETTING INTERNET RANDOS RUN THEIR LIFE.

I m20 and my best friend f21 talk about everything to eachother. We’ve been best friends for around 3 years but we got in a fight the other day here’s the tea:

She loves a really popular musician. Infact the most popular musician in the world. And she thinks that she’s being victimized and infact endangered due to the fact that a very small amount of people compared to the amount of fans the musician has don’t like them.

I think this is absolutely crazy. I think this is like when American southern Christians say that they’re oppressed like there isn’t a church on the corner of every street. This musician plays on the radio every other song, this musician sold out their over expensive tour, this musician is the darling of celebrity life and this musician is a billionaire.

Another thing is that the fans of this musician are extremely toxic. There are a few good ones including my friend but usually they are obsessive and mean.

My friend says that people bully her for liking this musician and she acts like it’s a weird interest that only a few people have but I think that’s crazy talk because this musicians fans bullied me as a child for liking things like doctor who and lotr. The even crazier thing is my friend has a ton of actual interests that people are mean to people about. Like indie video games and other bands but she chooses to act like this one is ACTUALLY the biggest thing that people don’t like about her.

I listened to her rant about how oppressed she was for liking this musician for around 30 minutes before telling her that she couldn’t let random people on the internet dictate her life or how she lived and that none of these people affect the musician in any way. I told her that the musician is a billionaire with a hot Boy friend who is literally not hurt in anyway by people on the internet not liking them.

She got upset and told me that she thought I would understand and that she listens to me vent about people mischaracterizing my characters all the time so I should’ve just listened to her.

Now there are a couple things about that that are funny including: she does the same thing. She talks to me about when people mischaracterize her characters and I agree with her and support her. She also vents to me about every single problem in her life all the time and I listen to her and give her advice.

I love her she’s amazing and smart and kind but this one time I drew the line because she is not the victim here.

Anyways she hasn’t talked to me in 3 days and I sent her an apology text which she has not responded too. AITA?

[11rosebunny]

can you do headcannons ab how would be if Umemiya fell in love for Sakura's sister?

(desculpe se algo estiver errado, inglês não é minha primeira língua 🥲)

Hajime Umemiya falling for Sakura’s older sister (DRABBLE)

It was quite the shocker when the people around him found out that he had an older sister. It was funny how you first met your brother's friends.

Not even a week into a High school and Sakura texts you to come to the restaurant called PHOTHOS down at the Main Street. Generally speaking, you've grown accustomed to the different types of behaviours Sakura gives out and so when you read one of his rare texts to meet him outside at night on the first day of school, you're scared shitless.

You jump out of bed and rush to the designated place and swung the door open in heavy breaths, afraid he was beaten up and rushed to the nearest shelter. You zoomed down the street like a complete maniac until you came face to face with the lightly dimmed restaurant before swinging the door open.

There, you saw your younger brother sitting with a group full of people?!

You hadn't realized how crazy you might have looked, too in shock at the scene of Sakura staring back at you with wide eyes. He wasn't expecting you to come here so quick.

Shortly after, the others began to murmur about who you were and asked Sakura since they caught on the fact that you were staring at him alone. The moment he said it, they all went berserk.

"She's my older sister. I told her to come!"

Even the brown-haired worker shouted. Much to your dismay, the sight of three other first years were around him, but something that stuck to your eye was the table right beside theirs, was a pair of two older guys wearing the same uniform as them. Eventually, Sakura reeled you into the place and made you sit in front of him and right in front of you to your left sat an odd looking boy with grey hair? At first you thought it was fake and he maybe dyed it, but looking up close, it was indeed his actual hair.

Your younger brother ended up admitting he called you to come here because he knew he was going to come home late and didn't want you to eat dinner alone.

Afterwards, you briefly chatted with his friends for the first time but at the end of the night when all of you exited out the restaurant, the grey-haired man known as Umemiya called you over. You learned he was the president at his school that was also in charge of looking after the town. Doing so, he asked for your number purely because he wanted to call you if Sakura would end up getting injured at anytime (they explained Sakura was now involved with a fight with Shishitoren tomorrow. You weren't happy with him).

It's weird though, even after the fight, Umemiya continued to chat to you over the phone—it was a bit unusual for the man. Sugishita was the first one to notice with the way he kept getting up from the garden to check his phone every 10-15 minutes. The boy questioned what was happening but never had the balls to ask him.

You didn't mind speaking to him for the first few times, you weren't attending the same school as Sakura and it was nice hearing how your younger brother was doing at school since he refused to tell you (he was too embarrassed at how nice everyone was treating him). Eventually, your conversations end up leading to speaking about yourselves and learning each other's interests. He didn't expect to speak to anyone at all like this, it's even come to a point whenever he sees Sakura, he asks how you're doing.

The boy didn't think much of it since he wasn't aware you were speaking to his representative for his school until one day Umemiya calls you for the first time and asks where Sakura is.

He was sick that day, and so you had to take care of him in the morning. You were a bit hard on him needless to say, but after cooking him up a quick warm dish, giving him medicine, hot towels, and alone time, you now found yourself stuck on what to do. You couldn't get close to him otherwise you would get sick, you told the grey-haired man to which he replied with.

"Do you want to come to the school to help me garden?"

"Really?"

He had told you about his garden through phone and seeing that you didn't have anything to do, you accepted his offer. The two of you were a bit awkward—he's not going to lie. But soon enough, the both of you warmed up together.

That was when Sugishita understood why he had been checking his phone so often during those days.

Afterwards, that was when he started to grow closer to you.

The two of you grew very close in a matter of days, chatting every single day in the morning and before bed. He doesn't find it odd to text and become friendly with the opposite sex. He's had many countless friends that were girls and was known to be a charming man that anybody liked. But still, with that many people on his roster it's hard to keep up with every single one of them. So why now was he keeping such a close eye on you?

The first thing he noticed was he would slightly feel annoyed whenever you replied a little too late. He would never show that he's mad at you for that due to how well he covers it. In the following weeks he finally his the courage to ask if he can pick you up from school and bring you to help tend his garden. The first time you gardened with him, you had a lot of fun and took pictures to send it to Sakura who was back home (he yelled on text saying— 'ARE YOU AT MY SCHOOL ?!') and so you agreed to help him after school.

It all seemed normal to him, texting and calling you every single day, picking you up, running quick errands with you, and holding your stuff. It's hard to process those feelings he gets around you and shakes it off by saying that he just likes you a lot because you're a good person. Yeah—that's the best explanation.

However, whenever you reply late, take a little longer than usual when he picks you up because a boy was talking to you after class about your group project. He senses a faint taste of bitter on his tongue and almost replies in a passive aggressive manner to those types of things.

"I've been waiting out here for a little longer than usual [Name], what were you doing?"

But soon enough when he hangs out with his best friend Hiragi on a Friday afternoon, due to the fact you were busy that day, the spiky-headed boy brings you up in his conversation at the fast food restaurant the sat in eating their burgers.

"Y'know you really seem to like her Ume."

"I just think she's nice is all." He replied back, in a split second Hiragi caught on the way his voice faltered for a second.

"You say that but whenever ya hear her speakin' to a boy that isn't you, ya get all quiet and nonchalant."

He hummed, "Only sometimes..."

"For pete sakes—you like her gosh damnit!"

[ryomku]

yellow flowers

synopsis: “when a person gives you yellow flowers it means they want to stop wasting time and spend their lives together with you”.

tags: choso x reader, fem! reader, fluff, aged up characters, college au!, no curses au!, use of y/n

a/n: i know nothing of nursing nor am i a nurse student or stuff like that so there might be some mistakes on choso´s career, idk it's like 1am and i'm crying

a/n 2: i’m mostly doing this after the leaks of chapter 259 cause i'm still crying and i need something soft in my life right now, this is based on a real experience, sorry if there's any typos english is not my first language

As someone who has never received flowers their whole life you don't get the appeal of such displays of affection, dads giving flowers to moms, boyfriends giving chocolate to their girlfriends, you just didn't see the need for such things.

In your eyes this was something unnecessary and silly, your parents never showed affection towards each other, in reality the only interactions they had were arguments which always occurred very early in the morning, at the hours where everyone is meant to be asleep and that you couldn't help but overhear.

Since they always talked about you and your problems that don't really exist, they were just looking for an excuse to say what they really think about each other.

As time went by you just didn't pay attention to any of those things, you had a very neutral opinion about flower giving, yet there were people who said, “You're a pretty girl. How come you've never received flowers before?” Genuinely you didn't know what to answer since you don't have low self-esteem and you love yourself the way you are because there's nothing wrong with the way you look or feel, so it was something that could not be answered.

Yet on valentine's day one of your friends gave you and your girl friends some plastic roses as a token of appreciation and it genuinely surprised you because for many years (or your entire life) you've never received gifts on valentine's, it was a nice gesture you though you thought it might be the last time you get a flower.

You were proven wrong.

On September of last year you met Choso Kamo on the bus you took on the way to college he was a nursing student, more specifically a phlebotomy technician, in your life have you ever seen someone so passionate about their career, the way in which he spoke about every detail regarding his classes it was hypnotizing it drew you in, suddenly you became friends and later one he introduced you to his friend group.

Soon enough it was a new year full of new classes, new teachers and the same friend group that had your back.

Time flies fast they say and suddenly it's March 21st and somehow the entire campus is covered in yellow. Wherever you walked there was people selling bouquets of sunflowers and daisies, girls all dolled up in pretty dresses, guys wasting ridiculous amounts of money on flower bouquets or in plushies it was weird something wasn't adding up.

What festivity happens today? The thought flooded your mind, you felt and looked clueless about the things that were happening around, still there's no time to waste cuz classes start soon.

10:00 am

Luckily the philosophy of education class was a free hour since the teacher didn't show up, there were so many things you can do in a free hour like eating, sleeping or just hanging out with friends and forcefully you had to choose the last one, against your own will.

“Heh Y/N could you come real quick to the cafeteria near the med students building?” Was the message that Yuki sent you a couple minutes ago.

In your way to said building more couples hugging and kissing surrounded the entire campus, it was getting too uncomfortable with how intense some of them were kissing in public.

Upon arriving at the cafeteria you spotted your friends quickly noticing two flower bouquets in front of Choso.

“Those flowers must be for his siblings. Didn't know Yuuji liked flowers so much.”

That's what anyone would think because since you met Choso he always spoke highly and dearly of his brothers, they were his entire life and his reason for becoming a nurse aside from his interest in the career.

Seeing how Choso cares about his siblings is another thing added to the mental list of things you like about him. Is there someone out there who doesn't have a crush on him? Cuz you find that hard to believe, just by feeling the way you felt nervous and the butterflies in your belly would be going crazy every time he talks to you.

Liking Choso was inevitable, like a storm or a hurricane, it was just meant to happen.

Liking Choso was something that involuntarily at this point in your head was always his face, his voice and even the small hugs he gave you every morning upon arriving at college.

Liking Choso was unexpected, you always thought that you might never have someone to like in your life since you didn't want to end up like your parents, living in an unhappy marriage full of arguments and sadness.

Liking Choso makes you feel human.

‘’Hi Y/N! What took you so long?’’ said Yuki as she moved her backpack to give you space to sit down next to her.

‘’Stupid philosophy teacher didn’t even send a message in time and had us waiting like idiots outside of his classroom.’’ You said as you sat down beside your blonde friend.

‘’Y/N here you go.’’ Gojo (your other friend) handed you a package of cookies.

‘’Why are you giving me cookies?’’ As you ask you gave him and Geto (who was handing you a bag of candies) a pointed look.

‘’Just cuz we want to and because you’re a good friend and we appreciate you.’’ Weirded out you accepted the gifts.

As you turned to put the gifts in your bag they drifted off to a conversation with Shoko, Nanami and Haibara though your attention was caught by the flowers displayed on the tablet in front of Choso the curiosity was eating you up.

Somehow Choso was a lot quieter than usual, which is fair enough he is really quiet and only gives his opinion or joins the conversation when he feels like it yet today not only was he quiet, he seemed uncomfortable and it was very clear, his facial expressions gave it away.

Suddenly Yuki stands up and walks behind Choso grabbing his wrist and guiding his hand towards one of the flower bouquets, in unison the rest of your friend group starts laughing while Gojo being the menace he is, starts recording everything.

‘’Come on man we all know you are a coward and if we don’t help you’re never gonna give her the flowers.’’ Said Yuki while laughing and giving you a smirk.

‘’Hold o-on Yuki! I don’t wanna do it with a-all of you here!!’’ Choso started to pull his hand away from the flowers all while his face gained a red hue and stuttered.

You gave all of them a questioning look. Choso was gonna give someone flowers? Did he like someone? If so, who was it? Was it a friend of yours? Or was it someone you don’t know of?

Questions filled your head as a sudden feeling of uneasiness gained a hold of your heart, it was kinda stupid that you thought someone like Choso might like you back, you hated the attitude you had with people, sometimes you would come off as rude or at worst having a potty mouth which you only spoke like that with close friend, Choso being one of them, probably your carefree attitude and shity mouth drove him away or he generally just didn’t like you as a person.

Maybe he never noticed you at all.

It only hurts because you thought he might like you due to the shyness he had around you which you liked a lot, even your friends would tease you both, while it made you giddy inside you never really knew if Choso felt the same way.

Now that you think about it the teasing started with Geto and Haibara saying Choso wanted to take you out to the movies, that never happened, the only reaction you both had was pure laughter.

You were so out of it drowning in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Choso grabbing the flowers and standing in front of you, flowers in hand and a blush on his tattooed face while he handed you the flowers.

‘’These are for you Y/N I hope you like them.’’ He gave you the flowers while looking away.

That made you snap out of it.

Choso, he gave you yellow flowers.

HE GAVE YOU FLOWERS!!

Choso’s face was a poem, truely. You looked so shocked, that he started to question if buying you flowers was a good idea.

Did you not like them?

Were the flowers too simple?

The thought of you rejecting him crossed his head. What was he going to do if you rejected him? It was going to be so embarrassing, he was gonna be rejected in front of the whole cafeteria, that only increased his anxiety.

Suddenly his ears were blessed with your soft laughter, his heart fluttered.

Your beautiful smile, the soft laughter and the cute blush in your cheeks made the anxiety go away, then he saw the most in love look in your eyes. Oh, how he loved your eyes, he could get lost in them for hours.

He felt a pair of arms around his neck in a warm embrace, all he could hear was a soft whisper.

‘’Thank you, Choso.’’

His arms circled around your waist holding you in a gentle hug, his warm hands rubbing circles, he didn’t even notice that he no longer had the flowers in his hands.

‘’Y/N I like you.’’ His smooth and deep voice whispered in your ear, the warmth in your cheeks increased.

‘’I like you too Choso.’’

They say that when a person gives you yellow flowers it means they want to stop wasting time and spend their lives together with you, and Choso knew since the moment he saw you that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

[mxmmymilkers]

you were flirty by nature, that's just the way you were born. you never really considered yourself as introverted, always taking any opportunity to attract the attention of those around you. that often involved flirting with your acquaintances, using your charm to win over people almost immediately.

the new people you met sometimes found your humor weird and borderline worrisome, but as time went on, almost everyone got used to you and your peculiar way of joking around.

flirting was the best way you knew to ease the awkwardness of meeting new people. your out of pocket commentary never failed to ease the tension and your conversations with friends often ended up in laughing fits.

throughout your three long years at UA, you'd faced a lot of hardships, like every other student who'd made it this far into the hero program. despite that, you'd managed to keep your flirty personality, entertaining the rest of class 3-A with your remarks on the daily.

izuku midoriya had no doubt gotten used to your incessant flirting over the years, though it never failed to fluster him when it was in his direction.

during your first year at UA, by some dumb luck, you'd gotten incredibly close with the aspiring hero. you found yourself on call with him at night more times than you'd liked to admit, talking about anything and everything.

your bond became even stronger once your whole class moved into the dorms. you'd spent almost every night with izuku, either in each other's rooms or on the rooftop of the building, sharing a cigarette or two on rare occasions.

it didn't take long for izuku to see beyond your flirty remarks and crude jokes. he was one of the only people to not judge you at face value and actually try to get to know you.

maybe that's why you fell in love with him so deeply.

he was used to you randomly turning towards him in the middle of class with that vibrant smile of yours, spewing something along the lines of 'hey handsome, how you doin' today?' or 'you mind if i look at your notes, pretty?'.

izuku didn't let your comments phase him too much, or at least he tried not to let them. he couldn't help the way his heart skipped a beat whenever you'd use that compelling voice of yours to call him whatever pet name you had in mind for that day.

he often scolded himself for allowing you to worm your way into his thoughts. although he considered you his best friend, he knew fully well that best friends didn't think about each other as often as he thought about you. you basically lived in his head rent free and your constant flirting with the poor boy didn't help.

he knew you were that way with everyone. he wasn't judging at all, he knew your humor was just wired that way. he knew you probably saw him as another friend to joke around with. he knew you didn't feel the same way as he did. yet he couldn't stop himself from indulging in your jokes a bit too much.

despite having grown a lot during the last years, both in size and in mindset, he just couldn't shake the grip you had on him. izuku couldn't for the life of him figure out why he was so enthralled by you.

maybe it was the way your eyes fucking sparkled in the sunlight streaming through the windows, or the way you smiled oh so adorably at him. maybe it was the image of your in your oversized shirt and shorts in the dorm kitchen, trying and failing miserably at making scrambled eggs. or maybe it was the way you listened to him, the way you understood him. the way you encouraged him to be the best version of himself. the way you were always there.

he knew he was fucked the moment he caught himself wishing you were there, sleeping by his side after a particularly hard day of training. he knew he was fucked once he realized you were the first person he wanted to share everything with, the good and the bad. he knew he was fucked when the sight of you sharing flirty remarks with sero made his stomach churn in disgust. he knew he was fucked when after months of denying it, he finally came to terms with being in love with his best friend.

he knew he was fucked, yet what could he do about it? he definitely couldn't keep pretending he didn't feel so strongly for you, but he also couldn't just confess. the thought of being rejected by you made him want to vomit.

he felt pathetic. how could one of the most powerful future heroes be so tightly wrapped around the finger of his best friend? as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was at your beck and call. he'd do anything, anything for you. and he felt pathetic for it. pathetic for not being able to face his feelings. pathetic for feeling them in the first place, and pathetic for not having the courage to share them with you.

izuku was overthinking every possible aspect of your relationship, and maybe that's why he failed to notice the drastic change in your behaviour. you'd stopped joking around with everyone like you used to. you'd stopped with the flirty comments and out of pocket remarks with everyone, everyone except for him.

your sudden change in behaviour didn't come as a suprise to any of your friends, considering everyone but izuku himself knew how you felt about him. it wasn't like you kept it a secret, you were pretty obvious with your advances. ranging from the constant flirting to the intimate moments you shared late at night with him, you tried every possible way of showing him how you felt about him without saying it.

talking about your feelings was never your strong suit, so it took you a while to realise that your usual tactics wouldn't work on izuku. unfortunately for you, you came to the conclusion that you had to be direct with your feelings, which made you practically shiver in fear.

you spent months building up the nerve to quit the foolish act and straight up confess to him, which was unusual for you, considering you were one of the most direct people to exist. nothing made you shy or hesitant, nothing except for him.

you didn't hear about izuku getting hurt until late in the evening. he was one of the lucky few that managed to become a sidekick to a hero while still in training. of course, you always had faith in your best friend. you knew that if anyone could progress so quickly, it would be him. that didn't stop you from worrying though.

when you heard about his new placement, you were incredibly enthusiastic for him. you pestered him about his new job as a sidekick non stop, sometimes even annoying yourself with the amount of excitement you felt for the boy.

but of course, you also knew how dangerous it was. your faith in your boy didn't stop you for worrying. for a little while, you had disregarded the idea of izuku ever getting hurt, considering how strong he was. that was incredibly foolish of you.

you first heard the news from aizawa. izuku had gotten into a minor accident involving a villain with a firework quirk (how fucking ridiculous), resulting in the boy's arm being shattered.

of course, broken bones were nothing new to izuku, but that didn't stop you from going absolutely nuts over his injury. after finding out he was currently getting patched up by recovery girl, you didn't waste any time before dashing out of the building and towards the infirmary, needing to see the boy immediately.

the door of the office flew open. you had forgotten to knock in your panic, but that didn't matter in the slightest to you right now. as soon as your eyes landed on the boy, up and on his feet, you allowed yourself to exhale in relief.

your relief was soon replaced by rage. in a few strides, you were in front of him, your palms slamming into his chest in frustration. 'you fucking idiot!' you whisper-shouted, not wanting to disturb anyone at this ungodly hour, yet still trying to express your anger.

izuku's eyes widened upon your entrance, his ecstacy soon replaced by surprise. he had been mostly healed by recovery girl, so the slam his chiseled chest took didn't really phase him. what grabbed his attention were your teary eyes and the way your eyebrows were furrowed in anger.

'y/n, wh-' he was cut off by your hand on his mouth, preventing him from saying anything further.

'no. you're going to shut up and listen.' you waited for him to reluctantly nod in agreement before letting your hand drop from his face. 'listen up, you moron. you ever scare me like that again and i'll kill you. i'm not kidding.'

'it's just a broken ar-'

'shush! i'm talking.'

you paused to compose yourself before continuing.

'do you know how badly you scared me? aizawa with that damn look on his face made me think you died or something.'

you exhaled shakily, trying to steady your racing heart.

'i know you want to be number one and i know you're bound to get hurt in the field, whether i like it or not, but you can't do that to me! you can't just go and get yourself hurt while i'm sitting on the couch unable to do anything to protect you!'

you were aware of how irrational you were being, but you just couldn't fathom the thought of losing him.

'y/n, i-'

'i can't bear it, okay? i can't bear the thought of you not being there anymore. i don't want to think about living a life without you in it. especially not when i haven't even gotten the chance to show you how madly in love with you i am, idiot.'

you sighed in defeat, letting the words slip in your tired state. it was far too late once you realised your mistake.

at your words, izuku's eyes widened even more, his jaw hanging slack in surprise.

'shit, i didn't mean to say that.'

you groaned in annoyance at yourself, pinching the bridge of your nose as you tried to ignore the look on the speechless boy's face.

'okay, look, i know you must think i'm a whore or an attention seeker or something, especially since i haven't given you any reason to think otherwise-'

'i don't think you're a-'

'i know i haven't done the best job of expressing how i feel towards you, mostly because i'm a coward-'

'y/n-'

'and i know it might be too late to say it, especially since we graduate soon, but-'

his lips slammed into yours, his good arm latching itself onto your waist. you barely surpressed the squeak of surprise at the sensation of his lips on yours. before you could even register what was happening, you hands were on his shoulders, your lips pressing further into his.

you inhaled his scent, the tension in your shoulders easing by the second. he slowly pulled away from you, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to catch his breath.

'i love you too. and i'm sorry for worrying you, i didn't know you'd be this affected by me getting injured.' he teased slightly, the corners of his lips quirking upwards into a soft smile.

internally, he was screaming. he tried his best to keep his composure, though if you looked at him closely enough, you'd notice the way his hands trembled and how shaky his breathing was.

'oh.' you breathed out, clearing your throat as your cheeks flared a bright red. 'thank you?'

izuku grinned at your awkwardness. he rarely got to see you so flustered, as in most situations he was the one completely smitten with you.

'you're welcome?' he returned the energy with a small smile, his hand squeezing your waist in reassurance. 'you could've saved me a lot of overthinking by telling me earlier, you know.'

you regained you composure, matching his smile with one of your own. 'let me make it up to you.' you muttered before pulling him closer, connecting your lips to his for the second time that night.

you'd never lose your flirty personality, but you'd be damned before you used your charm on anyone but izuku midoriya.

[catboybiologist]

i just had a moment

i wonder how many people on this were, in a way, saved from an alt-right pipeline by realizing and accepting that they're queer.

like 12-13 year old me was going on like /pol/ and shit before the dysphoria hit

just makes you think

Oh yay this is causing me to ramble

I think that being targeted by some form of radicalization was genuinely part of the reality of being a white kid online in the 200Xs to 201Xs.

I don't think I was fully on that pipeline, but I was 3000% an obnoxious neolib atheist as a teenager. The kind of person that describes themselves as "socially progressive, economically conservative", engaged with MRA stuff online with shallow "but what about men" sentiments, thought many protests had "the right idea, but are too extreme, we should just debate", and generally considered myself better than everyone else because of how "smart" and "rational" I was.

You know the type. This was when I was like... 14-17yo. And before you scoff at it being "dumb teenage shit", the alt right targeted those people, at that age and time, hard. I turned 18 in 2016, and that election was my first, coming right off of an online climate relentlessly trying to radicalize kids... So yeah, it was weird.

I feel like the ones that didn't become alt right gradually slid into leftism. Usually, the "revelation" moment was when you're excluded. You realize a lot of these people's "rationality" is based on irrational biases that they're dressing up as "logic", and it all crumbles. PoC and other minoritized groups are excluded form the start, of course, but since being queer is something that doesn't awaken until a bit later in life, it creates a kind of unique experience of potentially falling down that hole, until you realize you can't be a part of it.

But also to be fair... the same environment that caused a lot of the radicalization also fostered a lot of the communities we love. Modern "breadtube", as annoying as that term is, is an offshoot of this as well. Beyond just a few online-famous people, there's larger circles of leftist communities that have organized and done real, active good. I still carry some streaks of that stuff around, and I'm probably less extreme than most terminally online queer leftist circles. But idk. A bit of that weird, "rational worship" online vibe has done good, even if it's also done a lot of harm.

Honestly, everything I'm talking about here is extremely well summarized by Contrapoint's tangent about New Atheism. It's a Patreon exclusive, but it's a topic I saw myself reflected in a lot.

If my ramble here is shitty/incomplete and feels like I'm being apologetic or trying to excuse the alt right, that's an error in communication, not my actual intent- I hope that's clear.

[yumeka-sxf]

Thoughts on Spy x Family: Family Portrait

I finally got around to reading the SxF light novel, Family Portrait...and I mean "finally" because it's literally been sitting in my shelf since it was first released in English back in December of last year! I was distracted by Code White and the SxF video game which came out around the same time, but even long after that, I was having trouble getting motivated to read it. For some reason, experiencing SxF in novel format instead of in anime/manga just didn't appeal to me, plus the fact that it's not written by Endo himself (these weird preferences of mine are also why I'm not into reading fanfics either). Don't get me wrong, in general I love reading stories in prose form too, but for a series like SxF that already has such an established visual identity, it doesn't feel as "authentic" to me if that makes any sense. But I did want to read it eventually, since it is an official part of SxF media and Endo did the illustrations and does acknowledge the book (he wrote a nice afterword at the end). So I finally sat down and read it in sections over the course of this week! I'll share my brief thoughts on each of the contained stories:

Novel Mission 1

Since this was the first story in the book, it took me a while to get used to experiencing the world of SxF in novel form. There were some things I felt would have been better conveyed in anime/manga, for example, one of the very first gags about Yor misinterpreting Anya's nature class as some sort of hardcore outdoor survival trip. As I was reading that part I was like "I get the joke, but it would have been funnier if I actually saw these images and the characters' expressions with Endo's comedic illustrations." It was also a bit jarring to hear the characters thoughts and feelings from third-person narration, but I got used to it. As for the story itself, it was Damianya focused, something I'm not particularly into, but I don't mind it either. I liked the rare, soft Damian moments, and the thing with the squirrel eating Anya's peanut trail was funny. I also liked the scene at the beginning where Loid and Yor feed Bond together while Anya watches.

Novel Mission 2

Oddly, this was my favorite of the stories! Of all the characters, I think the author nailed Yuri's unhinged thoughts the best - as I was reading, I couldn't help but hear every cringe thought in his voice, which is a good sign of how well the author gets the character! I actually chuckled at a few parts too, both from his insane Yor-obsessed and anti-Loid musings, as well as from his banter with Anya. The police interrogation scene was great and would be even better if it ever gets animated! I also found it interesting that this story has the first instance where we find out what Yuri thinks about Bond (that he's fat and useless - rude!) Makes we wonder if Endo will make him feel the same way if it ever comes up in the manga.

Novel Mission 3

I liked this story a lot too! I think it worked the best in novel format out of all of them, probably because it was more focused on drama and emotions than comedy. It's ironic that the two official SxF stories that feature the deeper side of Franky's character - this one and the omake chapter from volume 13 - are both not even part of the main canon! Alessa would have definitely accepted Franky's job as an informant, but he felt that someone like her should only be surrounded by "beautiful things." The poor man really needs to see that inner beauty matters too, and he has that! I also think he should have swallowed his pride and told Loid the real reason why he wanted the disguise...not that it would have changed the outcome. Poor Franky.

Novel Mission 4

This was a cute Forger-focused story, but like the first one, I felt it had parts that would have been more effective in anime/manga form, for example, "hair monster" Yor and whatever hideous painting Felix ended up making! But despite that, it was still funny and cute. Though I do think the author went a tad overboard with Yor's flustered antics...they just kept going and going, lol. Also, like the movie, we have another scenario of Loid getting flung into the air by Yor but landing gracefully on his feet (though this instance was much tamer since she wasn't drunk and only pushed him instead of hit him). Again, maybe I would have appreciated the humor in this story better if I saw it in anime/manga with Endo's hilarious designs and expressions, but for what it was, it was enjoyable enough.

Short Novel

This extra short story would be perfect as a reintroduction story for a future anime season...maybe one day!

-----

Overall, the Family Portrait novel is a nice addition to the Spy x Family universe. Even though I feel the humor in the series is most effective in illustrated form, it's still nice to have more stories in the canon, especially ones that show new sides to the characters, like the Franky and Yuri stories. Like the movie, it's debatable if this novel should be considered true canon or not, but personally, I don't find anything in it that contradicts canon, at least not yet. So yeah, definitely check out the novel if you haven't already! 😁

[dr-spectre]

I’ve been seeing a lot of people in the Splatoon community say that Splatoon 3 ROTM will be the last time we will see the New Squidbeak Splatoon which includes Callie and Marie, but like… no?! Nintendo hasn’t outright said “hey y'all, you like the Squid Sisters and wanna see them continue to grow and develop? TOO BAD BITCH!! THEY AIN'T COMING BACK AFTER THIS GAME HA HA! IT'S JUST OFF THE PEAK AND DEEP PEAK NOW BUDDY! ENJOY!!”

When that person said in the Splatoon 3 direct “witness the finale of the Splatoon Saga” she meant the finale of the trilogy set up from Splatoon 1, the story of the New Squidbeak Splatoon vs the Octarians. The Splatoon games up until this point have always had a consistent throughline of developing the Octarians and giving more insight into the conflict between them and the Inklings. Octo Expansion was about diving deeper into the Octolings, them reaching the surface and living with the Inklings. In Splatoon 3, it seems like the Inklings have accepted the Octolings and are living peacefully alongside them. (Or they are just really dumb and still don't realize that Octolings aren't just Inklings with weird hairstyles.) 

Splatoon 3 ROTM marks the finale of the New Squidbeak Splatoon vs Octarians storyline as DJ Octavio’s entire army literally got turned into mindless furries and he became allies with the New Squidbeak Splatoon at the end of the game. Whether he’ll stay as a good guy remains to be seen but by judging Smollusk’s dialogue in Side Order where he says that Octavio is just flying around in his new machine nowadays, he’s probably gonna stay at the very least neutral to the Squidbeak Splatoon. His mission to save his race is basically over now, Octolings are living on the surface and his army is a bunch of furries. We will most likely never see the Octarians as enemies ever again in the series and the developers will move on to different threats never seen before and start a new storyline, or maybe they’ll focus on the Salmonids for Splatoon 4 but we’ll have to wait and see. 

Now I wanna roll back to the Squid Sisters, listen, aside from the Inklings, Callie and Marie are the most iconic characters in the entire franchise. If you tell a random person “do you know Splatoon?” They are probably gonna think of the Inklings, the unique gameplay and then the Squid Sisters. The only other characters that rivals their popularity are arguably Off the Hook, Deep Cut are still recognizable but they aren’t on the same level of popularity as those two groups in my opinion. 

It would genuinely be a bad financial and story mistake to never ever bring back Callie and Marie for Splatoon 4 and onwards, they are extremely iconic and profitable characters that people LOVE and wanna see more and continue having brand new adventures. Now, do I think they are gonna have the same role as before? No, I think they may take a break or step back from the Squidbeak Splatoon and let Captain 3 take control over Agent 4, Neo Agent 3, etc.

For Splatoon 4, I am guessing they are still gonna perform as the Squid Sisters, but in the main story mode or dlc I'm hoping that the developers take an Octo Expansion/Side Order route with the Squid Sisters where you get to hang out with them and learn more about them. How are they doing currently? What was it like for them at the start of their careers? Some more info about how they were as kids? How do Callie and Marie look back on the events of Splatoon 2? How do they feel about the other Idols and characters? 

There’s still so much left for these girls and just never seeing them again after Splatoon 3 would be a massive mistake and destroy all that interesting potential and lore. 

Also, the way that the Splatoon world works is that it’s an ever evolving world that follows our time, meaning that the characters age and go on new journeys as the years go by in our world. We see updates on past characters and are shown where they are at, the only times when that doesn't happen is when a character is fucking dead (Commander Tartar and the Octoweapons except for Octostomp) or they are in a location that isn’t the focus of what the writers wanna tell (C.Q. Cumber), heck even a character like Iso Padre who was a small side character in Octo Expansion managed to make an appearance in Splatoon 3 and show that he actually made it to the surface! 

Callie and Marie are not going anywhere, you can rest easy. The credits song "Wave Goodbye" is not called that in Japanese, it's called "Star of the Sea Breeze" and we all know that the localization team can make some pretty bad mistakes....

[homochadensistm]

Hello. I know this will sound super weird and probably rude because why tf would I come to a stranger with my personal problems? But I wanted to ask for advice, if that’d be okay? I remember you saying you suffered from depression, and managed to deal with it and work on it enough to get somewhat past it. Depression ruined my life completely. I’m 30 with absolutely nothing to show for it, not even a degree. I have tried so so many things, but nothing seems to help me. I promise that I keep fighting with all I���ve got, and I’m not really asking about what to do or something like that, but I want a sincere opinion, if that’s okay. Do you think I can still turn my life around somehow? Do you think I can still try to start over at this age? Start going to uni again even with the pressure that I need to have kids soon as well before it’s too late? With the pressure that I might fail again if my menthol eelness gets too bad again? Is it too late for me to have big dreams of ever living up to a potential I could’ve had if not for this stupid disease?

Hi anon, I think you're completely fine. Life is not a race, there is no medal at the end of it for all the XP maximizers. You're not gonna get a Goodest Girl award for doing uni at 20 or for not having Being Sad Debilitatingly DiseaseTM. It's really OK. Your pace is your own and the amount of progress you can have with yourself in 1 month can be equivalent to the progress a 20yo girlie has in 5 years, it's all good. Time is not the most important factor in the Happiness and FulfillmentTM equation.

That being said, I'm sensing a lot of fomo/expectations stress(?) from ur text. What do u mean "I NEED to have kids"? That's not something you "need" to have, it's something you should WANT to have. You shouldn't feel pressured by time (or anything else) to have kids, you can have them later in life if that's something you aspire to, it's fine. iirc nowadays around 25% of births are by women who passed the age of 35 (and the rate+age is increasing), you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

You can turn your life around at any given point in time. You can do it at 20, at 30, at 50, it doesn't matter. Again, the universe won't hand you an award for getting your shit together sooner than later, we're all going to die as the same, medium quality slab of meat. Will you maybe feel like you could've done it sooner and save yourself the time and misery? Sure, but that isn't going to get u anywhere, yesterday is over bestie there's only now and tomorrow, and that's plenty of more time!

From my experience, depression is informed by both internal and external factors, and, most annoyingly, the internal factors are informed by the external factors as well. You feel the way you behave and live. If you treat yourself like shit you're gonna feel like shit. If you behave in ways that encourage negativity (angry, resentful, spiteful, selfish, lazy etc) it'll affect you negatively. Depression also encourages you to be comfortable with yourself (ironically) in a way that inhibits growth and learning: I don't have to hold myself accountable to doing chores or taking a shower or eating well or doing homework or working on my project or even going to work, I'm depressed! This doesn't happen consciously imo, you don't actively decide "I'm not gonna take a shower cause I'm depressed", you sort of slip into the mood of not taking a shower, and the excuse your brain gives you for that is "oh well, that's depression for ya" and the cycle continues. The uncomfortable zone is the place where YOU ACTIVELY catch yourself doing that, and doing something else, uncomfortable, instead (like taking a shower despite feeling like you REALLY don't wanna). This ofc applies to literally everything in life, not just showers. Depression actively keeps you in your comfort zone, where you don't have to do anything that makes you feel anxious, nervous or UGH-y, and provides you with a wonderful excuse.

Your life will start taking a turn for the better once you free yourself from the prison of comfort your brain put you in, and start actively seeking out and completing activities that make you uncomfortable. Start taking care of your skin daily. Put those moisturizers on your face. Clean your place, declutter your surroundings. Dont eat food straight from the fridge like an animal, put it in a bowl and sit down and eat. Cook for yourself, stop relying on the comfort of instant trash. Move your body more, take walks outside, preferably around nature/parks, even if it requires a bit of travel to get there. Invest in your own fucking stocks, your looks, your health, your well being. Nothing will ever happen if you won't actively make it happen, and you will never feel good about yourself if you don't start taking yourself seriously. You give your Sims the best lifestyle with food, health, clothes and hobbies, why not yourself?

Make a routine for yourself and stick with it. Eat your meals at the same time every single day. Wake up and go to sleep at the same time every day. Give yourself a structured framework to live by so that your brain can feel like there's order in the chaos, trust me it's a big deal. Start working out, and make it a routine. For the love of God, PLEASE start working out! It doesn't have to be super long or complicated, but moving your body is essential for both your mental and physical health, and if ur so worried about the time "wasted" on being Sad SickTM then the solution is in prolonging the time and the quality of time you have left, and that can be done optimally through exercise and good food habits. You have no idea what kind of physical and mental changes a well structured workout program (that you stick to as part of your routine) can bring, at any age. It can also count a hobby and give you measurable little goals to reach.

In short: taking responsibility over myself and owning up to my (in)action, having a set routine and bedtime/waketime, a good diet, working out and taking care of myself are what eviscerated years of depression for me. I obviously don't know your personal situation but I (and the field of cognitive behavioral therapy) feel like these factors^ are the most common denominator in all of us feeling like shit, and play such a huge role in every human person's wellbeing and they're universal across the board.

I highly encourage you to watch this, and take notes:

Hope I helped somehow and Goodluck anon! There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, I promise.

[jevilowo]

Tf2 Sexuality Headcanons

because at the end of the day I am but a basic bitch

Scout: repressed bisexual. If I ever get around to making that tf2 fangame, he must fight the physical manifestation of his internalised homophobia and he promptly begins flirting with half the guys on the team.

Soldier: if you asked him, he'd say his true love is AMERICA (eagle sfx). He's into anyone really, no preference

Pyro: doesn't think about labels. Love is love and by love they mean ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Demo: confidently bi but usually too drunk to really think about it either way

Heavy: bisexual, preference for men (COUGH Medic) but as we see in POKER NIGHT he has a thing for red haired women too

Engie: there's no way he's not gay, and probably somewhere on the ace spectrum too (vibes)

Medic: look me in the eyes and tell me that isn't the most homosexual man you have seen in your stupid baka life.

Sniper: like 95% gay (5% straight) but has no game with men. Completely oblivious whenever a dude flirts with him. Has two ex wives and the Administrator will probably become his third one.

Spy: bisexual and greyromantic. As fun as shipping is, in my heart of hearts I believe he is dedicated to his one true love Scout's Ma

Bonus:

Ms Pauling: lesbian, duh. Any lingering traces of heterosexuality were flushed out of her system upon meeting Scout

SAXTON HALE: he claimed to have shagged a bear in Brazil once despite bears not being in Brazil so I choose to believe he wandered into a gay bar. Bisexual King.

Administrator: same sort of shit as Sniper, 95% patron saint of toxic yuri and 5% enraptured by weird australian men

Scout's Ma: likes to impregnate beautiful transmen and calls it a sexuality. Doesn't like labels.

Merasmus: thinks sex is below him (6000 year old virgin on purpose), but doesn't stop her from writing his strange and sexual fanfictions. Also divorced Soldier like four times. Gender isn't real.

[cryptocism]

So, out of curiosity (AND a slight fear of messing with what you've laid out so clearly in Frequency, which I see as the most reasonable and rational explanation to Thad's character inconsistencies basically, ever), I am wondering if this version of Inertia from Flash #760 fits into the Too Many Thads AU anywhere? From what I can tell, he's the only one not mentioned in your very thorough (and impressively detailed, he was at boomerang's funeral, excuse me sir why are you here???) timeline of Thad appearances. Would you consider him one of the clones we get from the AU, like Six? Or maybe just Thad himself given he's sort of just... chilling in the Speedforce lol. Or did you just not consider him given it's yet another instance of Thad appearing, doing something wild, then disappearing as quickly as he came haha. (Also, I just noticed he says vibrational FREQUENCY, nice👏)

i did... kinda include this iteration. but admittedly it's pretty brief, and the bits of story that take place in the speed force sit in dreamy abstraction rather than solid prose

start of chapter 2 when Thad is running thru the speed force:

He thinks he sees the Flash, once or twice. Tick tock tick tock. You’re running out of time, Barry. But he often thinks he sees lots of people. Once, he thought he saw Max. But the memories exist in his mind the same way a daydream would, and he can’t be sure if it was real.

The "tick tock tick tock" line is taken directly from #760

compared to the other threads of canon that Frequency is written around, it's definitely more on the borders of believably. The "tick tock" line and the bit where Thad threatens to snap his fingers and "blast Barry's mind to pieces" harkens back to the Kid Zoom era and Rogues Revenge, which fucks with my attempt to differentiate this Inertia as a separate person from Kid Zoom. but the hiccup feels minor enough that i think it still works

(and on a tangential note the whole "i'll snap my fingers and blast your mind to pieces" line straight up doesn't make sense to me because YES Kid Zoom famously snapped his fingers and exploded a baby, but he accomplished that by fast-forwarding that baby's timeline so quick that its literal molecules shook apart under the stress. Barry is a speedster and would not respond to timeline manipulation in that way - if at all - because his molecules are already used to that kind of shit. it's a weird and out of place threat to make and i think Williamson may have gotten the impression that Kid Zoom acquired the power of spontaneous combustion which he Fucking Did Not ok rant over)

the general idea i was going for was: Thad is running on rage, sees Barry, has the brief confrontation in #760 where Barry mostly just feels bad for him, and then disappears back into the storm. Implication being that Thad has actually had a couple different interactions with people during his 5 years in the speed force (Eobard, Max, Barry, etc) who try to convince him of things or promise him things, but staying for that long in the speed force (without being dead) fucks with perception a little bit, especially perceptions of Time. so when he's out and looking back on it, Thad can't totally discern what happened, what didn't, or in what order.

also the attendance at Captain Boomerang's funeral gets a shout out near the end of chapter 8 when Bart is going through Six's collection of Four's old stuff:

Some of the items on the shelf he didn’t recognize. A shot glass. A funeral pamphlet for one Digger Harkness. Several empty syringes and auto-injectors all meticulously arranged. A variety of small gadgets and devices that Bart couldn’t place.

because the funeral is technically Inertia's return after the events of Mercury Falling, I translated that as Four's first appearance in the 21st century

[chqolan]

Comfort at night — Ed x Reader

A/N: this was something i had written up for a while in my drafts and i’m finally posting it! unfortunately there was a weird error that happened and i had to redo the last bit of this, so apologies if it feels rushed </3

TW: gn reader, fluff, a bit of angst, ed and reader are friends ! , mentions of that card game ed talks about in world tour, author can’t write to save her life

recently his nightmares had become more frequent than usual for the first time in a while. every night felt the same — constantly bursting awake, feeling dizzy, out of breath and covered in sweat… he felt like such an idiot, like a stupid little kid who couldn’t sleep alone.

ed let’s out a sigh and grabs his phone from the nightstand as he sits up against his headboard. he glanced at the time, ‘just 1:00 am…’. with a swift motion of his thumb, he unlocks his phone and opens his messaging app. from there he sees a series of texts he’s yet to respond to, but he didn’t have time for that right now.

he glanced over your contact, contemplating wether or not he should be bothering you at this hour…

‘you up?’

to his surprise, he seen the typing icon appear from your end of the screen almost instantly.

‘yup! i might get ready to sleep soon though.’ he only watched as you continued typing, ‘did you need something?’. ed sighed and forced himself to respond in a ‘normal’ way.

‘can’t sleep.’

you glance at his response and bite the inside of your cheek, waiting to see if he’d say anything else. though after a minute or so, you caught the hint that he had no intentions of continuing. both you and ed have been familiar with each other for quite some time after he helped you with beating up some weird creeps who were following you around in the subway.

since then, the two of you had become mutual friends. he’s opened up about his past, but did so very cautiously as he didn’t want to scare you away. ed wouldn’t ever admit it — but it was comforting to have a friend who wasn’t fully involved in his past or his crazy line of work. comfort was also something that ed was never used to receiving during his years growing up… the feeling was still quite foreign, but he only ever felt it with you.

‘wanna come over to my place, then? i don’t mind staying up a bit longer.’

‘plus, it feels like a while since you’ve last swung by metro city. we should enjoy your time here together while we can!’

ed reads over your messages and hums to himself. will he ever get used to the gratitude and kindness you show him? he always tends to ask himself that same question…

‘yea, you’re right.’

‘i’ll head on over right now.’

the next thing he knew, he was at the front door to your apartment. he held a blank stare and slowly held up his fist to softly knock (more like bang) at the door. the sound of the lock fumbling from the other end was heard and you cracked the door open to take a peak. once you notice it's ed, you fully open up your door to welcome him inside.

your place was so clean and organized compared to his, he thought. just by stepping inside he felt a wave of comfort wash over him. ed makes his way over to your couch and plops down with a sigh. you could tell how exhausted he was just by looking at him...

although you didn't know the details of everything, you knew that ed has been through (and still puts up with) a lot. you'd never be able to relate to his struggles like his neo shadaloo group could, but you made sure to give him all of your comfort and support for whenever he needed it.

"i know you're not one for small talk, so i'll get to the point..." ed keeps his eyes on the blank tv screen in front of him, but you knew he was listening. you take a seat next to ed and turn your full attention to him. "what's going on? you don't look like you're holding up too well, ed." you noticed from the moment you opened the door that he looked in worse shape than usual.

the bags under his eyes made it apparent that he's been lacking proper rest time, and his pale skin was scattered with red patches, along with what you could only assume to be bruises. knowing ed, he most likely wouldn't bother to take some time off and take care of himself.

the boxer was hesitant to respond. he didn’t know how to communicate very well, and the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally lash out at you. ed looks in every direction except yours and you notice his leg started to bounce… was he nervous?

without even thinking, you placed your hand on his knee and softly stroked it. the sudden contact took ed by surprise as that same leg stopped its bouncing. there it was again — that weird sense of comfort you brought him which he would never get used to.

ed couldn’t bring it in himself to answer your question even though it was something so simple. he hated that he didn’t know how to respond. the boxer tiredly rubs his eyes and awkwardly clears his throat. “you’ve still got those cards i gave you, yea?” ed looks over at you and he can sense your small hint of confusion from him desperately trying to change topics.

to his surprise, you don’t mind and let up.

“oh, uh.. of course i do.” your response makes him crack a slight grin as he pulls out a small deck of cards from the pocket of his hoodie.

of course he carried these around with him.

nothing can stop the small laugh that you let out at the sight of him hurriedly looking through all his cards.

you remember ed telling you about this trading card game he had been into… you’ve bought him some cards on certain occasions because you’d figure he’d enjoy it with how much he seems to gush over this game. and he had also bought you a small deck of cards along with giving away some spare ones he thought were useless for him. he mentioned that it’d be useful for whenever you two had a chance to hang out and play together.

it didn’t take long for you to get up and find your small deck of cards. once you came back to your main living room, you seen ed already seated at your table. he was organizing everything and sat on the opposite side to your seat. without wasting any more time, you grab your seat and begin getting your cards ready to play.

to be honest, you weren’t sure how much time had passed. once you two played multiple rounds of that trading card game, you had binged a few comedy shows that had ed intrigued even though he would never admit… but you can tell he was into it just by how much he bantered with the episodes as they went on.

and now you were here…

ed was fast asleep as he snuggled into you. it took everything in you to hold on your giggle and not wake him up. you were certain that he wasn’t aware of how close he was holding on to you right now… he would probably die of embarrassment if he was conscious right now. ed had only asked to share your bed because it ‘looked comfy as hell’ , but in reality you knew there was definitely more reason behind it. and that’s how you can only assume it had to do with his night terrors.

it’s not a surprise that he wouldn’t admit that, but you knew better and allowed him to sleep with you for the night. his face finally looked relaxed as he slept here close to you. honestly, you also never would’ve thought he’d be the small spoon between you two.

though, you couldn’t stop thinking about how there was a part of you that felt extremely sorry for him… sometimes you can sense and feel the heart of a little boy inside of ed, but he’s forced to keep up such a rough exterior due to everything he’s been through.

the thought of it made you frown a little bit.

he deserves so much better.

although he’ll never fully tell you what’s going on, you still want to be there for him as much as you can. you gently move his hair to the side to see his full face and you instantly smile at the sight of him.

without even thinking, you slowly place a kiss on his forehead and close your eyes with an even bigger grin on your face now.

“good night, ed.”

[naturesapphic]

I’d love an angst/comfort filled Olivia Benson x reader if you’re willing!

Olivia pulls reader into her office after noticing she’s been a little off, distant and disengaged with the rest of the squad. Reader reluctantly opens up on an incident from a couple of days prior, at a school reunion. (Incident being someone made unwanted advancement at reader, groping her and making her touch them.) She tells Olivia nothing more happened because she finally broke free and left. She starts crying from all the overwhelming emotions and Olivia reminds her she did nothing wrong and is there for her.

High School Reunion

Olivia benson x fem!reader

Warnings: groping, little bit of SA, Olivia being a protective sweetheart

Olivia knows you. Too well to be exact. You are her best detective and her partner. She knows you inside and out and knows that something isn’t right. You’ve been distant and quiet from everyone, especially her. She wants to give you your space but ever since you’ve been back from your high school reunion it’s been like you’ve completely changed into a different person. “Y/n? Can you come inside my office for a second please?” She called out for you.

You slowly got up from your desk and walked over to her. She gave you a loving look and helped you inside as she shut the door. She motioned for you to sit on the couch and she followed behind, sitting close to you but not too close since she wants to give you some space. “What’s been going on? You’ve been distracted and barley been focusing. You know you can tell me anything.” She gently asked you and your eyes fill up with tears. You didn’t mean for all this to happen. You were trying to stay normal about it but of course your boss/girlfriend would know something was up.

She’s a captain and before that she was a detective! You couldn’t hide anything from her. Olivia noticed how your eyes filled up with tears and she felt her heart drop. She didn’t understand what happened but she was going to figure out soon. “You know you can tell me anything y/n/n…” she said as she gently grabs your hands in hers and gives you a reassuring look. You take a deep breath in and you start to tell her what happened.

~ flashback ~

Today you were going to your high school reunion. You let liv know about where you were going as she let you get off work since there was no new cases to worry about. You were a bit hesitant to go without her but you knew she had a bunch of paperwork to do so hopefully in the next one she could make it.

Walking into your old high school felt so weird. You couldn’t believe ten years has past by so quickly but at the same time you could. You saw some of your old classmates and friends and went over to them to mingle. After awhile you felt a presence staring at you from afar. You turned around and saw that a boy from your school was eyeing you up and down.

You knew that years ago that he had a big crush on you but he never made any attempts to do anything about it but honestly you were glad he didn’t. You always got a bad feeling from him and you still do now. Feeling uncomfortable, you tell your friends you are going to head to the bathroom right quick. You head inside the ladies room and splash some water on your face.

You hear the bathroom door open and assume it’s one of your friends checking on you but it’s the boy from earlier. You felt your whole body freeze up as he comes closer. You can see him talking but you don’t hear anything besides the beating of your own heart thumping in your ears. He comes up behind you and starts groping your everywhere and make unwanted advances and movements towards you.

You felt so disgusted but yet your body still wouldn’t let you move. You felt his hand grab yours and you look down to where he was going and your eyes widen. You snatched your hand away and turn around to slam your foot against his balls. He screams out and falls to his knees, grabbing his area while you flee out of the bathroom.

You didn’t tell your friends or teachers goodbye as you run out of there as fast as you could. What would the squad think of you? What would Olivia think? Will she leave you? You couldn’t think straight as you ran towards your car and drive home.

~ flashback over ~

“Nothing more happened before I broke free, but that’s what happened…I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner!” You say as you start crying hysterically. Olivia pulls you into her strong comforting arms and holds you close. “Hey hey shhhh…you did nothing wrong babygirl…I’m so proud of you.” Olivia whispers against your ear. “You have nothing to be ashamed about princess…” she spoke again and you nod against her as your cries turn into little sniffles.

You raise your head up and look into her eyes. She flashes you a small but reassuring smile that everything will be alright. Finn opens the door and his eyes widens at the scene of your red teary face and the look of anger in Olivia’s eyes. “Everything alright?” Finn asks as he looks between the two of you. “We’re fine. Just another case we have to do.” Olivia states as she pulls you closer to her side and gives Finn a little nod that he understands and recuperates.

Finn closes the door and Olivia puts her attention and focus back on you. “We are going to find and get this guy I promise my love. No one hurts you and gets away with it.” She says with a hint of sternness in her voice but not directed towards you. Never. You nod and snuggle in closer to her, you knew that y’all have loads of paperwork to do but those will be done later. Right now, Olivia will hold you however long you want. She will always be there for you, every step of the way.

A/n: thank you for this request anon and I hope you like it! And I hope the rest of y’all enjoy it too! Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all!

[i-smoke-chapstick]

'DON'T BLAME ME, [PART TEN]

-GOTHAM!JERVIS TETCH X READER-

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; Reader remembers why Jervis captivates her. Jervis remembers why he has a soft spot for her.

⋆ tags/warnings. GOTHAM!jervis x female reader. SLOW BURN!!! Not sure how many chapters this will be yet! LOTS OF PLOT SET-UP!! AGE GAP ROMANCE! (reader is Jim and Barbara's daughter) Jervis being a horrible teacher. The slow burn is slow burning. She fell first, he fell harder. (Guys, he's falling harder!!!) Soft Jervis. Jim and Barbara are probably tweaking out somewhere. Writing this kind of artistically and as character studies for everyone. Why are they in there friends to lovers era rn. I'm taking canon out back and beating it with a stick until it stops twitching.

⋆ tag list (tell me if you want to be removed!) @adalwolfgang @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @honestmrdual @moonlightnyx @all-things-fandomstuck @killingboredom @sweetlimeharvest @frenchfryqueen69

⋆ 'PART ONE, - 'PART TWO, - 'PART THREE, - 'PART FOUR, - 'PART FIVE, - 'PART SIX, - 'PART SEVEN' - 'PART EIGHT, - 'PART NINE, - 'PART TEN,

♫ “Baby, am I your little secret? I'm old enough to keep it.” Older by Isabel LaRosa

You're not sure when you two fell asleep, or if Jervis even did.

He still needed to wash the cuts and warm water helps the ache. You watched him settle himself into the bath water, or rather, turned around and covered your eyes for his privacy. You couldn't see the absolutely flustered expression on his face.

Ever since his hypnotism, your wound has only been mildly painful, every now and then twisting. Turns out, Mr. Tetch's hypnotism is a much better alternative then pain killers. He seems to detest the idea of you putting any drug in your body. Weird.

You settled yourself into a guest bedroom in the mansion, becoming familiar to your new surroundings. It looks more like a nursery for rich people. You weren't entirely sure how long you were going to stay with Mr. Tetch. This could take months.

You were going to learn hypnotism, from the guy who tried to kill your dad, to kill your dad. Huh.

Well, that's not exactly true. You don't know if you want to kill him. You just need him to hurt in the same way you hurt.

That idea puts you calmly to sleep.

You wake up the latest you've woken up in years. Typically your dad would wake you up at an ungodly hour, and you're not sure Barbara even has a bedroom for you to stay in. She falls asleep at her desk in the club half the time.

It reads 11:00 AM on the clock next to you. Damn. Mr. Tetch let you sleep in.

You look at your clothes to find the hospital gown still on you. You must've forget to change last night. There was...a lot to deal with.

You rummage through the drawers and closet. For a guest bedroom, it's got a wild selection of clothes. All female. All petite. An old teenage daughter of the couple must've abandoned this room. You're thanking your lucky stars. It's perfect.

Discarding the hospital gown, you scan through the garments. Pink shirts, jeans, rings and necklaces. You pause when you see it.

In all it's glory, hangs a baby blue dress. Mysteriously lolita-esque, white lace decorating the sweetheart neckline. You want to laugh. The irony. Mr. Tetch does remind you of the Mad Hatter. Alice and her dress....

You sigh as you put it on with a pair of thigh highs. It's too good not too, and provoking Mr. Tetch seems to be your favorite past time as of late.

Coming down the stairs, you smell the sweet scent of pastries and tea. Is he...cooking? He never stops being interesting.

"Another tea party?" You question, stepping into the kitchen. "The last one didn't end too well for me."

You watch as he turns to look at you. At first he goes to sneer at the jab, before he fully intakes your image.

He stands rooted in the ground, staggered, and utterly taken aback. You hear the sharp and small exhale of breath he releases. His eyes scan you over, widened, and his mouth gets dry underneath your gaze.

He looks at you with complete and total fascination. You feel your own breath catch and your cheeks burn. You can't but feel satisfied at startling the showman time and time again. The way he looks at you now is different though. Like he was just reminded of a part of him he didn't know was missing. Like he just found it again.

The timer of the oven breaks your silence. You avert your gaze from his, but he doesn't. He keeps his eyes firmly on you. You start to feel your body heat up.

"Those are going to burn." You say, swallowing, looking at the biscuits. He blinks at you, expression soft. He cocks his head, and without a word, turns back around. You sit down at the dining table.

As the timer beeps, he takes out the biscuits, perfectly golden brown. It takes him a moment before he takes his seat parallel to you. He's silent for a moment, just studying you. His voice comes out in a shaky breath.

"You look...magnificent, I must say." He clears his throat, complimenting you.

"You don't look so bad yourself, showman." You whisper, sending him a smirk. There it is. That jolt of electricity from his eyes on you. The same feeling of seeing him for the first time in the club. Before it all went to shit.

It's not so bad though. You think. It could be a lot worse. At least It's Mr. Tetch and not some other insane freak in Gotham. Mr. Tetch is gentlemanly. He's...nice. When he isn't trying to kill you or your father, or taunting you into oblivion.

He offers you a smile at your own compliment. You see his entire face beam. His voice is soft, yet sharp when needed. He seems to be more sincere, genuine. For the first time, you see the real him. Not the charismatic exterior. He's like a puppy, wagging his tail at your praise. He leans back in his chair.

"Hypnotize me." He says, bluntly. You almost choke.

"What? How?"

He pulls out his oh-so-very-precious pocket watch, and his gloved hand gives it to you with care. You marvel at the item.

He leans forward slightly and watches you take the pocket watch, his eyes sparkling with intrigue. He's enjoying this. A LOT. He crosses his arms and waits patiently for you to continue.

You rack your brain for what to say. You think about what Mr. Tetch says. Okay. Okay. Okay. You got this.

"Look into my eyes. Not above them, not around them, but deep into their center." You try to repeat his exact words back to him, watching as his eyes never stray from yours.

You want to utter another command, but you can't get the words off your tongue. The two of you just stare at each other in silence, letting the light from the blinds peak in. You hear yourself breathing, and see that shit-eating smirk of his on his face. You feel mutually scrutinized...and aroused.

Aroused? No. You can't be aroused. This guy shot you. All this is, it's just fascination! And a partnership for revenge!

Still, that jolt of electricity only grows. You notice the way his lip curls, and he notices the way your big, almost innocent eyes look up at him.

"Mr. Tetch..." You murmur the name out beside yourself. At this, his eyebrows furrow, voice still soft.

"...Yes?" His head cocks, awaiting your command.

"Are you hypnotized?" You ask, and at this, he lets out a chuckle.

"No, dear. And, if I may, that was truly a ghastly attempt."

Ah, and he's ruined the moment.

You groan into your hands as he chuckles, smug.

"Do not fret, my dear. Do you recall when I hypnotized your father? He was truly a bawling mess, wanting nothing more than to end his miserable life." His tone is gentle, and he speaks the words so casually, but there's left over venom in his voice.

"What's your point?" The volume to your voice raises. You don't want to be reminded of your fathers oversights right now.

"My point, Y/N," He clicks his tongue at your hostility, "Is that hypnotism is something intimate. It allows you to reach the deepest, darkest depths of a man."

"You want me to reach the deepest, darkest depths of you?" You ask, raising an eyebrow with a bit of a smirk. He sputters.

"No! That's- that's certainly not what I meant!" He sends you an expression of disapproval, like a teacher scolding a child for telling a joke during class. But his face is just as red as yours was earlier. He huffs. "You need to feel that intimacy. That darkness. Channel it."

You listen to his notes intently. There truly is something about him that's startingly perfect. You can't quite place your finger on it. But you notice how his smiles seem to be less saccharine, more genuine. You notice how his eyes never quite leave yours, or how your hands fidget under the table.

There were many hypnotism attempts that day. Most of them just ended in staring contests.

[smok3r7]

They Always Come Back

Aaron Hotchner x f!reader 

Explicit, 18+ 

Butterflies & Broken Glass

 Main Masterlist & Series Masterlist - My AO3

Summary: You and Aaron met in college, Criminology Major, funny enough. Throughout your five years at George Washington College, you and Hotchner had this on and off again relationship; it was all fun until you started to realize that you loved him. After graduation the two of you cut ties and left it as dumb college love, going your separate ways. After a decade you finally land your dream job, a seat at the BAU; however when you notice the name copied on the email, you can’t believe your eyes.

Chapter Summary: Moving on isn’t always the easiest and honestly takes a long time. But does it ever get better when old wounds get ripped open? 

Word count: 3k

—

 “So,” your mom starts “Are you ready to talk ‘bout, you know, it?” 

   The sound of her knife hitting the cutting board after slicing through a carrot pierces your ears. You don’t answer her, you continue to peel the batch of potatoes and carrots that sit in this metal strainer under a running tap. She also says nothing and continues to chop the vegetables you pass to her as if you’re on an assembly line. 

   You’re not sure if you are, but you’ve avoided it as long as you could. It’s weird that it feels like years ago and, simultaneously, feels like hours ago. But it’s been three months, going on four next week. The reality of the break up, however, hit you the second week you came home, and it was brutal. 

   And since then, you haven’t been the same. 

   Bella and Kelly have tried everything to help you; consistent phone calls from Kels since she’s still in DC, and Bella coming over whenever she can - which is all the time. But you just can’t shake the utter pain and heartbreak that pours out of your skin, and the only person who can help you through this, is your mom. 

   She’s been through most, if not all, of the hardest and toughest things you’ve been dealt with. She’s your real ride or die bestie. So even though you're not ready to discuss it, evidently you have to - for your own sake. If you’re going to move on with your life, move on from Aaron Hotchner, you have to talk about it. 

   “Not much to talk about, really.” You lie one more time. You’re not sure why you do - you chalk it up to your subconscious mind not being ready to properly handle this or that your mom will drop it. 

   The sound of your moms chopping stops and you hear her sigh. She’s not gonna leave it alone. The cold water flows through your fingers, causing them to go numb and start to sting when there are no vegetables left to rinse. So you know you’re stuck listening to what she has to say, so you figure you might as well just take it. 

   “Well, I’m tired of you sittin’ on your ass ‘n mopin’ around all fuckin’ day for the past few months. That’s not the daughter I raised.” By the loudness of her words you can tell she’s now facing you, but you’re too afraid to turn around. Too embarrassed. Too ashamed of yourself. 

   She barks your name and orders you to turn the water off and look at her, which you do, but not before you grab a sheet of paper towel to dry your stinging hands. You do this very slowly, to the point where you feel like it’s in slow motion. You know she’s not going to do anything but just try to understand where your head is at, and maybe scold you just a bit because of your actions - or lack of, for that matter - but you know she means well and she just wants to make sure her little girl is okay. 

   Looking into her eyes, you break. The bubble in your throat finally bursts. As you lunge forward, your moms arms open and welcome you with love and affection as she wraps her arms tightly around your shoulders. 

   You cry and cry, until no tears are left. 

—

   Your senses are overwhelmed; the smells of plants and people from the park overpower you, the sight of the masses of people panics you just a little, and the sound of music playing in one ear and screams of small children on the playground in the other keeps you alert. Your heart feels like it’s going to jump out of your chest, while your lungs work overtime to keep you going - the cool morning weather making it harder to catch your breath. 

   The white gazebo is now within sight as you jog past the large playground that’s packed with children of all ages with their families. Saturdays during the summer are the busiest days at Richmond park, so you always take that into account when you go on your daily run. 

   But this morning is different. Instead of going to your usual civil court office, like you have for the past eleven years, you’re waiting on an important email from Erin Strauss. The section chief of the BAU in Quantico, the very job you’ve been working so hard for. Your second interview was three days ago and it went pretty well considering how judgmental and difficult Strauss was. 

   You honestly weren’t sure if you were going to get the job because Strauss was picking apart every tiny thing about you; where and how you grew up, what college you attended, what’s so important about joining the BAU, and whether you can hold your own when it comes to a career with something like the FBI. You felt like you were being stabbed with each one of her questions, but you figured that she’s just like that, with a job requiring a brutal sort of honesty.

   Catching your breath, you raise your arms above your head and fold them over so the air can flow freely through your body. Standing on the steps of the gazebo, you step in a small circle to get a bearing on your surroundings, making sure to note anything that seems out of the ordinary. Too many women have been getting assaulted or mugged recently, so you’re always scanning your environment. To add another element of security, you own a black 9mm, which is currently in your car in the parking lot just a few feet away. You have your carry permit, but it doesn’t do much good when you’re in leggings and a sports bra. 

   Your mom was extremely concerned about you living by yourself and forty-five miles away from her, so she and Anthony convinced you to go to the gun range to become familiar. Then, after about four months of that, you decided you felt comfortable and educated enough to own a gun, for your safety. 

   While doing one last spin, you lower your arms and reach for your phone in your side pocket. Your breathing is now steady and regulated, so you can focus more on yourself and your surroundings. 

   Pausing your music and taking out your one earbud, you notice an email from Strauss and you instantly feel proud. You really did it, you really made it to your dream job. It felt almost impossible; after eleven years, you were about to give up hope about this job. But your inner child put up a huge fight against it and ultimately won. There was no way in hell that you would give up on this dream of yours. It was going to happen one way or another. 

   You open the email as you start walking to your car, but before you can read past the names copied in the email, you freeze. 

   Your stomach drops to the cement below your sneakers, your heart rate increases rapidly, and your mind somehow is silent but screaming at the same time. There’s no way this is possible, you never thought this would happen. 

   Hotchner, Aaron

   —

   “You haven’t even seen him since graduation right?” 

   “Kels…yes! I never thought I’d ever see him again, let alone have to work with him, under him even!” 

   “Under him, hehe,” Bella murmurs to herself into her glass of wine as she takes a sip. 

   You glance to your right and she diverts her eyes to her feet, away from your judgy eyes.

   Immediately after you received the email and got back into your car to head back to your house, you called the girls over for a wine and bitch night. Something the three of you started once Kelly ended things with Jason six years ago and moved five minutes away from you and Bella, who lives only four houses apart. 

   Kelly has her own law firm and has done extremely well for herself. However, you do feel bad about how Jason and her ended things. Long story short, she caught him bringing random women back to their home constantly. But what makes it even worse is they have a seven year old daughter. A newborn at the time she kicked him out and never wanted to see him again, Jason hasn’t seen his daughter since then either. 

   You have no idea how Kelly is still able to be this bubbly person, but she is. You and Bella help Kelly whenever she needs it, especially when it comes to her daughter Lilly; babysitting, picking up or dropping off from school, picking up dinner some nights, and anything else. 

   You’ll be damned if anything else happens to Kelly and Lilly, they are least deserving of any treatment like that from Jason. 

   “So, have you replied to her email?” Bella questions as she takes a bite of stringy pizza, wiping the corners of her mouth after. 

   “She told me I didn’t have to. Just to make sure I read it before I go in on Wednesday, which I thought was a weird day to start but what do I know?” 

   “So, like… how are you feelin’ about all this?” Bella chimes in again, but with a tone that lets you know she is trying to be sincere. 

   Your right hand instinctively raises to your necklace and you start to fidget with it … the heart necklace from Aaron. You open your mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. You really don’t know how to feel about this, especially when you erased him from your memory almost completely so you could figure out how to move on. 

   After so long, the thought of Aaron became less and less, even though you still wear the one piece of jewelry from him. It’s been the one thing that you haven’t been able to let go of and you haven’t had a reason to understand why, but now it almost seems like this was meant to happen. The universe never wanted you to forget about him, but you also wonder if he’s ever stopped thinking about you. 

   He had to have noticed your name, just like you did his. But what does that mean? You wonder if he had any say in hiring you or if this is all Strauss’s work, because those two things have very different meanings behind them and those two people have very different motives. 

   “Do you think you’ll be okay?” Bella sits up and rests her hand on your bare thigh, shaking you back to reality. 

   You raise your eyes to her and give the best fake smile you can show and lightly nod your head, I’m gonna try. 

—

   You have an excellent first day baby, call me when you’re home. Love you! 

   Standing in the elevator, you read your moms text message with a warm smile. You didn't tell her about Aaron being your boss, that’ll be a deep conversation for later. 

   Thank you, love you mama! 

   The elevator dings, stops and the metal door slides open before a gorgeous, black haired woman walks in, and you both give a slight smile to each other as you move to give her some room. She goes to press the number six, for the BAU, but she notices you already have it pressed. 

   “Oh, you must be the new girl that Hotch was telling everyone about,” she confidently tells you. “Emily Prentiss.” She reaches her hand out, which you confidently take and introduce yourself to her. 

   So he does remember me…what did he tell them? 

   “Welcome to the world of horrible things people are capable of, you’ll come to learn a lot!” She shakes her head slightly, “But it seems like you can stomach it, I mean, you made it into the BAU which is huge in itself.” 

   The same time you chuckle, the metal doors open again and you’re met with a small hallway with glass doors that have the Seal of the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s logo on them. It’s busy with agents walking from one hallway to the other, all on a mission (or at least that’s what it looks like). You can finally release that breath that’s been sitting in your chest since you woke up this morning. 

   “Well, let’s go introduce you to the team,” Emily announces as she slightly nudges your lower back, “I got you, girl, don’t worry.” 

   Turning your body to the side so she can lead the way, you smile, “Thank you.” 

   Now, past the glass doors, you’re met with an open layout office with desks together to make squares. Emily walks past the first couple and heads to the next set, where a group of four gather around one’s desk. Your nerves build just a little bit, but you shove them down for your first impressions. You’re not going to allow Aaron the satisfaction of knowing he’s messing with your head. 

   “Listen up, kids!” Emily announces, catching everyone’s attention but you see how all their eyes move to you and then back to Emily. She steps to the side, almost showcasing you off to them as she tells them your name and that you’re officially joining the team. 

   With your leather brown purse hanging from your shoulder, a large confident smile comes across your face as you wave to them with your right hand, hi guys! 

   “I was just asking J.J when you were coming in, I’m Penelope Garcia!” This vibrant colored blonde reaches her bejeweled wrist out to greet you, which you happily take. 

   “My official first day!” You cheer, “So excited to be a part of your team!” 

   Over the next ten minutes you learn a whole lot about the team. And you overall, love them all already. They’re all just full of character and personality, which you’re always looking for in a work environment.

   J.J, the original liaison turned official Supervisory Special Agent and mom of two healthy boys. Spencer Reid, the impossibly smart guy, you have no clue that anyone could be as smart as him. Derek Morgan, the player and muscle of the team for sure, this man is flirtatious but in a fun way - he’s not rude or arrogant in the slightest. David Rossi, one of the original FBI agents and the old Italian man that reminds you a lot of what your mom described of her grandfather. Penelope Garcia, the technical genius and the brightest and most animated woman you have ever seen. Emily Prentiss, the pure badass and smartass of the team, is almost a mixture of the team all around. 

   Jokes and history are being shared amongst everyone, but there’s a huge elephant in the room. Even with the laughs from the team, the tension is so thick it could be cut with a knife. Where is he? 

   “Dad’s here!” 

   You hear Derek whisper, trying to not make a scene…which doesn’t work because everyone turns their head. Everyone except you. You’re caught staring at J.J, who sits in her office chair with her blonde eyebrows raised, and her lips purse as she slowly spins to face her desk. 

   Morning. 

   There it is. The voice you’ve ached to be able to hear again, but will deny if ever asked. From the one and only man you’ve ever longed for and have loved since you met him over a lifetime ago. The man you’ve lost sleep over from just wishing you could redo it all over so you and him didn’t go separate ways. The voice that distracts you from work when you’re alone in your office and you’re not sure why. The memories of you and him on date nights flourish your brain when you’re with friends, even though you thought you and him were done completely. The voice you thought you had erased from your memory, but just like that, the memories and feelings come right back like you’re in college again. 

   Aaron. 

   Just like that, he stops dead in his tracks. His back now to you about a desk away, his broad shoulders tense under his black suit. You watch the way his back stiffens and he takes a deep breath in and stands for a moment, but he doesn’t turn around. You’re not sure why you said his name just now, it’s almost scary how natural his name spewed out of your mouth. There was just no way that you couldn’t not say anything to him right now, it just didn’t seem right. 

   My office is all he says with the most monotone voice you have ever heard from him. You’re almost speechless, almost. You can’t help but chuckle to yourself as you push your tongue into the side of your left cheek - what in the fuck? If he’s going to make this into a thing that it doesn’t need to be, you’re going to lose your shit because you know he can be an adult when it’s needed. 

   “Uh oh, trouble in paradise…” Derek mumbles with a smile that goes from ear to ear. Garcia hits his arm and tells him to shut up, but you can’t help but laugh at him. 

   “Little do you know, pretty boy.” You crack back at him with a wink as you start your way towards the small set of steps that lead to his office. A small giggle fest starts behind you and you can’t help but feel incredible, you’re fitting in so well already and you’re honestly not even worried about what Aaron will do or say. 

   You already know this job is going to be tough. 

   But so worth it. 

[skitskatdacat63]

Tysm for the tags @fernando-jpg and @rubywritten !!!!

F1 Asks:

Who is your favorite driver?

Fernando and Seb! They come as a pair. Do not seperate :)

Do you have any other favorite drivers?

Yep! But mostly retired drivers </3 I love Mark and Jense! And then for current drivers, I like Oscar, and Max a bit as well(I can't help but feel loyal to him bcs he was my first fav)

Who is your least favorite driver?

I dislike being a hater on main but....#3 and #4. Also tbh I feel neutral to dislike about most current drivers, other than my 3 guys, so!

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

I'm mostly driver motivated, I think I'd follow Fernando anywhere, and probably Oscar too. I like and support teams as well but mostly just because my guy is there! It's like, I love Aston, right? They support Fernando, they're willing to do so much for him, they love him, the vibe is really good. But if he decided to blow up Aston tomorrow, I'd be like "I'm right there with you!!"

If you like teams, what team do you pull for?

+ HOWEVER! I am an RBR devotee. Like it's not even that much about the drivers, I like Max a lot, but I think I'll always keep my eye on RBR as long as I'm into F1. I just love the history of the team and their vibe. My fav team of all time will always be RBR 2009-2013, just so special to me 🥹 Not that I was actually around for it but, the way they evolved from a team that was mostly there to bring fun to the paddock to one of the most successful teams of all time, as well as being a fucking energy drink company in a sport full of car companies, is just so cool and inspiring to me. And I love the red bull golden boys so much(Seb and Max beloveds!!!) And I also have an addiction to red bull....But I got into them first so I have a special connection, even if I don't root for them all the time. Them and their aesthetic makes me happy :) they are F1 to me :)

How long have you been into F1

Probably over a year and half by now? I wish I could say I've been into it longer but unfortunately I am an American shjfkgkg

What got you into F1?

I've mentioned this several times before but. I read some oneshot in my prev fandom that was an F1 AU. And I was just like, enthralled. The first time I read it, I had to keep looking up stuff, and I kept going back to it. And then I went on the author's blog, and saw they talked about DTS and how to get into F1. So I tried watching DTS and it was alright I guess. But there happened to be an actual race that same weekend, so I tuned in, and was so into it!! Ah man there's nothing like that first race tbh. I knew only one driver, Max, and I rooted so hard for him and he won 🥹 it was just fun back then not knowing enough to be stressed and having pure focus on one guy. I'm happy where I'm at now, but that first race was cool :,)

Do you enjoy fanfic/rpf?

Yes of course >:) I think I probably looked at the ao3 page for F1 before even watching my first race actually, it's very habitual for me when joining a fandom. I draw rpf and write my own AU lore stuff, and meta and all that. And I think I check the ao3 page at least once a day 😭 its an essential part of my fandom experience

How do you view new fans?

Hmmmm sometimes I feel like an old person, even though I haven't even been here that long. I think F1 has such a learning curve and barrier to entry compared to most fandoms. Like you have to learn so much about racing and the drivers as well until you feel like you actually have a good grasp imo. So I guess it's weird for me to see new fans bcs im like, oh god was I like that back then 😭 I'm happy to see new fans ofc!! But it's also like, good luck on your learning journey 🫡

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

I am not a good leader, I think we'd crash and burn if I took over a team 😭 they'd be like "Catie! What should we do???" and I'd have a nervous breakdown. Go back in time to be TP for McLaren and be like, be careful who you invite to your garage at the Miami gp LMFAO

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?

Yes! My brother was into F1 before me(what a bastard for not getting me into it earlier.) Which is hilarious though because I pay for the F1TV account that he leeches off of. Like, damn who's the real F1 fan 🥱 I got my dad into it last season, and it was a very gradual process. He's a huge Fernando fan though, which is really fun, and sometimes he's much more positive abt the sport than me hahaha. He likes Fernando bcs they're both old men, and getting to see Fernando succeed last year is what pulled him into the sport. Some of my irl friends know of F1 but I don't think they watch all the races.

Are you open to talking to other fans/friends?

Of course!!!!! I am always desperate to talk to new people, feel free to hit me up always :D I will talk about anything F1, Fernando, Seb, Vettonso, etc related whenever :) I remember I got an ask a while ago last yr that's like "are you open to being friends/mutuals w strangers." It's like, um, yeah??? Its a lot of fun to be on here, I love making connections

Hmmmm ive seen a lot of people do this already so don't mind if I tag you and you've done it already aahh. But I will tag @suzuki-ecstar @sansebastinae @boisinnot @astronomical-light @thatdemonbish