#(but a lot of folks - yours truly included - may not feel so. i am not speaking for everyone tho and my perspective is christian)

[enbyjane]

the truth is (a perspective on love)

context: edit based off a personal conversation with @onlineproblems about parental love, unconditional love and the love we deserve bonus: her wise perspective:

more bonus:

[zombee]

I feel like the luckiest Our Flag Means Death fan in the world after the season 2 finale. By a series of incredible circumstances - including a significant metatextual realization that came in at the 11th hour - it was close to perfect for me.

This essay has everything. Completely normal behavior over a television series. Steven Universe references. The David Jenkins School of Whatever is Best for the Bit. Humbling catharsis.

First: this piece does not exist with the central thesis of “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad.” I feel like thousands of words have already been written on this since Thursday, so I’m going to try to not get too in depth on that.

Second, cards on the table, because it’s relevant and I don’t want to waste your time if this is going to sour your ability to hear me out: I’m an Izzy Canyon hater. For MANY reasons, but from way before the concept of the Canyon existed, (some) Izzy fans pinged me in the same way as Snape/Kylo Ren fans did, and before May 2022 was over I went from genuinely enjoying Izzy’s character and place in the narrative to hating him because his fans made it impossible for me to enjoy him anymore.

(SOME! of his fans. Please don’t keep making me say this, although I’m not going to talk about the Canyon directly anymore after this. I know there are a ton of normal Izzy Enjoyers and even Canyonites, I am literally friends with many of them, please take this all in the good faith it’s intended and if you’re not One Of The Bad Ones then you’re fine! I very carefully don’t go anti-Izzy on main, and when I stopped enjoying his character, I stopped writing him into fics. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just want to be honest. Anyway.)

The season 2 finale made me weep over Izzy Goddamn hands.

ALL season long, I was disgruntled. All season long. I really, truly, DEEPLY appreciated what they were doing with his character and arc, I thought it was wildly on brand for the themes of community/queerness in the show, I saw the vision, I liked it!!! But. I wanted a fucking apology, yall. I needed three seconds of “sorry I called you a slur, Ed :/” and that would have been enough. But I had to let it go. It was poisoning my enjoyment of the whole season, which I loved with very little exception (not none!) and I just had to let it go. I wasn’t getting an apology. That didn’t negate what they were doing with his character.

Yall. They withheld the apology on purpose.

THIS FUCKING SHOW!!!

Let’s go back a bit. I was at the episode 6 + 7 screening, and the breakup shook me. Probably a LOT more than if I had watched it alone in bed at 3am on my laptop - five days of no sleep after NYCC, lots of emotions, seeing it on a big screen with a hundred other intense fans, etc etc - but I did see other folks reacting in parallel ways to me when the episodes aired to the regular public, so maybe I would have felt the same way. Regardless, I was mad at Stede and to a lesser extent Ed. I NEEDED AN APOLOGY FOR THAT FISH LINE. I needed it! “Whativah” autocorrects to “WHATIVAH” in my phone. I was going through it.

(When I rewatched the episode when it aired it was not nearly as bad as I remember, lol)

So now the episode 8 screeners go out and the reviews drop and I think I catch one half-glimpse of a “What a heartbreaking ending!” kind of snippet, and some of my friends who are spoiler fiends unintentionally drop little hints about similar ideas (devastating/heartbreaking/split the fandom) type shit.

And I was a fucking WRECK! about it.

I do love this whole show with my whole chest. I do!!! But I’m not rotted because this is an excellent television show, I’m rotted because two old men kiss each other! On the MOUTH!!! in an excellent television show. You get it, right? I’ve written 700,000 words across almost 100 fics and 98% of them are dedicated to those two men falling in love in different universes. 

So it just did not even occur to me the “heartbreak/devastation/fandom split” would be about anything but Gentlebeard.

Another piece of this that was fucking me up - David Jenkins and his “satisfactory” ending biz. My brain was reacting like this show was ENDING ending, even if I knew logically! that this is just season 2!!! And I wasn’t ready for that, because what if it wasn’t personally satisfying, and I’m a mess about it? Why was I so worried about not liking it? I’d liked the whole season! Even if they didn’t nail the landing I wasn’t going to stop writing fic or hanging out with my pirate community & friends. 

…is what I kept trying to tell myself, but the way anxiety disorders work is funny like that lol. What if I did stop writing fic and hanging out in pirate spaces? That would hurt much more than a show I like disappointing me. And for anyone who’s having that experience with ofmd s2, I’m so very, very sorry. It sucks and that’s where my epiphany came from on Wednesday before the finale.

Because it has happened to me before.

I flit from hyperfocus to hyperfocus, as ya do when you’re spicy, but the last thing to get its hooks in me PROPERLY like pirates was Steven Universe. And I did NOT like the way the regular season ended!!! (I actually really did like most of Future; that’s not what I mean. I mean season 5). I don’t like how they handled the Diamonds, tldr; I think the scope of their villainy got too out of hand, and I was left grieving the thing that had meant enough to me I ran a fan convention for four years based around it. 

Side note: imagine if I had channeled the hyperfocus of almost a million words of fanfiction into an American OFMD con instead. We could have made magic :( I did consult with Our Con Means Death though so I am at least a teeny tiny bit of that one!

I did not like the way Steven ended… but I do respect the story they were telling and think they told it well.

I’m still sad about it. Steven is still one of my most beloved, it will always be beautiful and great to me, but that experience did and does sully my memories. There is so, so, so, SO much more good than bad from being in that fandom, and I cherish it. And I hope, if you’re having this experience with OFMD right now, that you’ll find similar comfort.

But, like I said at the top, “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad” has been belabored already by people better at writing about it than me. I just had the incredible privilege to remember my brush with lower case T trauma and having that experience in my last REALLY big deal fandom. That’s why I had been so extra anxious about being disappointed. Because it happened to me before. It helped so much to connect those two.

So the finale happens, and it’s actually about twelve hours of me going from “eh, rushed but fun, whole season was great” to “THIS MAYBE IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME, ACTUALLY!”

BECAUSE THIS SHOW MADE ME CRY OVER IZZY FUCKING HANDS!!!!

They literally told me this was the story they were telling this season. “Men can change” “The end  of piracy” “Ed leaving Blackbeard behind (ish).”

As for me? I didn’t get an apology for the fish. Instead, I got “Sorry I was a dick.” “You weren’t a dick. Life’s a dick.”

Just… fuckity BAM. THREE FUCKING SENTENCES resolving that fight. Saying so much in so little.

In real life, should these two men have an actual conversation about this shit? Sure!!! But that’s not how OFMD tells its stories!

It works in symbolism. It works in vibes. It works in an hour’s worth of content into each half-hour episode, and for how much lamenting I have done about the pacing, I would prefer that 100x to having to stretch it out too much.

I have said since March 24, 2022 that OFMD wields anachronism as a weapon. First and foremost, it’s fucking funny, but in addition to that, it’s stating clearly: “This is a fantasy world. This is not real history. This show is about romance (and so much more than that), and the rest is just VIBES!!!”

Sometimes vibes can be historical accuracy. Sometimes vibes can be true emotional poignancy. Sometimes vibes can be Ed finding his sunken leathers in the sea, changing underwater somehow, and coming out of the ocean like the Birth of Fucking Venus, because water and rebirth and mermaids and shit is all very prominent this season. And ALSO, and this is very important! BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING COOL!

I don’t want to do much real Izzy meta here. It’s been said by others, and better than me. But it was telegraphed and it was symbolic – he was the paragon of Traditional Piracy in season 1, for goodness’ sake, and Traditional Piracy is Toxic Masculinity, and he was a part of Blackbeard and Ed had to leave Blackbeard behind (yknow, ish), and he got this ABSOLUTLEY FUCKING LOVELY! storyline about appreciating what a (queer) community can do, and god fucking shit fucking dammit… most of all, best of all (for me), was Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave at the end. Men can change. And Izzy DID!!! He did it for Ed. For love. For community. I am puzzled by “it’s fucked up to use Izzy to further Ed’s storyline” because… this was Ed’s season, in the way that season 1 was Stede’s. And Ed cannot be removed from piracy as a whole (neither can Stede!) so to have this old, set in his ways, coded-queerphobic character blossom to the point he can give this gift to Ed and to piracy… idk man. I just find it so fucking beautiful.

It is okay not to like what they did. It’s okay!!! It’s okay, and it’s okay to mourn, and while it’s not okay to do [insert vile behavior here], it’s okay to carefully examine what you think is “bad writing” vs “what you would have preferred to happen” and give good-faith, textually-based criticism on that.

But I want to remind you over and over and over again, this show works on vibes. It tells its stories leaving many, many, many gaps. There are many things I would have liked to see, and y’know what? I would have told the Izzy story differently. I would have personally done it differently. But it’s not my show! It’s not my show, and I am humbled and delighted to remember that, and to appreciate Our Flag Means Death for what it is and not what it isn’t.

Other words have been written better than I could about the 18 months between seasons 1 and 2 and what that does to us as rabid fans with expectations of how things will go. Millions and millions and millions of words have been written about OFMD, fictional and non, and that is going to color our expectations and experience. We had built it up SO MUCH in our minds and along the way I think some of us forgot (INCLUDING ME!!!) that it is first and foremost about Vibes.

The vibes of Izzy’s death are about rebirth and forgiveness and leaving traditional piracy behind. And he got to die in Ed’s arms, knowing (HAPPILY!) that he had been wrong, and giving Ed the gift of letting him know he is loved, and being a part of something. We had a funeral but we also had a wedding. The only constant is change. Men, piracy, Blackbeard; it all changes. And Izzy found peace in that.

Before my last point, I want to @ myself on things I felt versus realizing in the end it is (I will say it until I’m blue in the face) about vibes.

· I was convinced they left Buttons’ transformation ambiguous because they wanted to leave room for it not having been real. NO!!! It is real, until they decided it isn’t. Magic in the OFMD universe? Fucking why not!!! IT’S SYMBOLIC!!! IT’S IMPORTANT TO ED’S STORYLINE AND THE CENTRAL THESES OF THE SHOW!

· I was unhappy, and still am a little, about the Polycule Situation, but now that I realize Oluwande is Zheng’s Stede… I am less so. The Zheng : Auntie :: Ed : Izzy vibes, btw? Fuckin immaculate.

·        Obviously they touched on Stede/Ed’s “killing people trauma” but I’d reallyyyy like Stede to address it, and even though I think Ed’s is left on a very satisfying note, I’d like him to dip a bit more into it as well. But if they don’t, oh well! It’s not like they ignored it, they just didn’t have a Deep Dive like I Wanted Them To!

· They didn’t deal with Ed throwing Stede’s shit away. They just ignored it! Stede started to collect new trinkets, and I believe that was as much about giving the audience back the old feeling of the Revenge as it was anything important (not to say it wasn’t also important thematically!!!). Just like Ed going back to his leathers is both Extremely Important thematically and about putting Taika back in the leathers because that’s what Blackbeard should be wearing for the epic final scenes for the sake of visually keeping the show consistent. That’s Blackbeard’s uniform.

· Stede’s frilly little outfits my beloved. God I hope they give him back some of his frippery in season 3. I think they will re: cursed suit BUT his journey this season was about something else, so!

· Ed’s stupid little non-profit non-apology, oh my god. It was so funny. And there is a transition from eps 5 to 6 where Ed is back in his leathers and the crew is more comfortable around him. They didn’t have to have him do a Real Apology, it’s implied it was all settled. What was the timeline? A day? DOESN’T MATTER, BABY, VIBES!!!

· Lots more, I’m sure, but now that I’ve tried to let it all go, I’m remembering less of what I wanted and appreciating what I got!

And, last point here, I think it is also very very very important to remember that a lot of people are normal about this show. In fact, WAY more people are normal about this show than aren’t. And that is EXTREMELY! IMPORTANT!!! because otherwise it wouldn’t be profitable and we all know what would happen then. We are the core of it, to be sure. Without word of mouth that stems from our intensity, this show would not be NEARLY as successful as it is. I truly, truly believe that.

But.

Do normies need deeply emotional discussions dissecting the central relationships? No. What normies need is Ed and Stede running dramatically toward each other on the beach and kissing. And I am happy, so fucking happy, to realize that’s what I need too. I’ve got fanworks for the rest.

I love this fucking show and this fucking fandom and its fucking creators so much. Fuck.

[antler-witch]

How do you know what’s a sign and what isn’t?

I’m in this online folk witch group and the other day a lady made a post asking about the meaning of something she experienced that she believed to be a sign. One morning she was making breakfast and cracked an egg as usual, but the contents of the egg had sent a shock down her spine—the egg had been full of blood.

This happens when a blood vessel is ruptured in the process of forming the egg. It’s not common but it’s perfectly natural and not harmful to the hen or the egg. A lot of people in the comments of the post were telling her this, so she edited the post to include something along the lines of “This is a witch group, so obviously i’m looking for witch answers. I didn’t think i’d have to make that distinction but i’m not looking for mundane explanations.”

If you search for spiritual and magical meaning in regular things in your day-to-day life, you’re going to create a lot of chaos for yourself (and you’re to be making a lot of misinterpretations!!). here's an example of what i mean—

Let’s say you’re going for a walk through your neighborhood, and you see a crow. There’s a lot of folklore around counting crows, and the spiritual symbol of seeing 1 crow according to such folklore is one of bad luck, tragedy, and loss. But it is important to take into consideration any other regular reason for a crow to be seen! If your neighborhood has trees, it likely has a population of crows. Thus, seeing one crow is no reason to expect bad luck and tragedy in your life.

so when am I supposed to know if something’s a sign??

Generally speaking, it would be wise to consider the possibility of something as a sign when it is repeated and when your intuition is alerting you to the presence of the sign. For example—instead of just seeing one crow on a walk, you see one crow everywhere you go. Not just as the animal itself, but in other places/forms as well. Maybe you see someone with a shirt that has a crow on it, and then you overhear someone say “crow” to someone else in passing, and then you see a post on social media by an account with the word crow in it, etc, etc, etc. At this point, it’s clear something is going on. Your intuition will also likely be alerted by these appearances of crows and you’ll maybe have an instinctive feeling that something’s up. THIS is what you should look for in an actual sign. One may then go the extra mile and perform some form of divination or meditation to confirm if what they’re experiencing is a sign and further clarify the meaning of the sign.

but what’s so wrong with asking others what something could mean spiritually?

it’s great to communicate with different witches and learn from others, but one thing you need to keep in mind is this: if what you experienced was truly a sign of something—whether that’s an entity trying to communicate, a sign of something that had yet to happen, etc—then that sign was meant for you. Not online witches or anyone else—YOU. it would be wise to try interpreting a sign yourself. Ask your intuition, meditate on it, pull a few tarot cards or break out the pendulum, whatever you need to do to narrow down the meaning of what you’re experiencing. And again, you shouldn’t be doing this at any everyday occurrence. You should be doing this when it really feels necessary, and when it’s clear that something is up.

main takeaway

to clarify !! i’m not claiming that the lady’s experience with the egg wasn’t a sign, it’s just that the isolated incident of the egg isn’t enough to assume spiritual meaning. There’s a possibility she experienced other things that day, like a reoccurrence of the color red, seeing blood more than usual that day, having a reoccurring feeling of doom or nervousness, etc. In that situation the egg could absolutely be part of a spiritual sign of something. Even in this situation however, she would be wise to interpret this on her own. The sign was meant for her—that means her mind and her intuition. In this situation she’d likely interpret the sign best and most accurately if she did it herself without intervention from others who have different associations with eggs, the color red, blood, and whatever else she was encountering.

utilizing critical thinking, being smart about your craft, and learning to rely on yourself and your intuition are some of the best things you can do as a witch!! practicing witchcraft and connecting more deeply with the spiritual side of your life doesn’t mean you need to throw logic, science, and reason out the window—you’ll find that very often such things work in tandem with witchcraft! science is your friend yall

[caliginouscreature]

Are Hearttypes/Synpaths *really* taken as seriously as Kintypes?

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about my alterhumanity for a while, and a big question that comes up is “am I otherkin, or otherhearted?”  The muddly struggle of sorting out “ID with vs. ID as” makes up the meat of this conundrum, and could merit several posts on its own, but another facet of the issue is quite notably one less-possibly-subjective thing: how the community seems to present and identify otherheartedness.

It’s been brought up numerous times how nonhuman experiences outside of ’kin and theriotypy are horribly underrepresented; even resources for non-spiritual individuals within those communities are woefully scarce.  If you’re copinglink, a synpath, or even just don’t have memories from your ’type, you’re going to have a hell of a lot harder a time finding community, resources, and-- most tragically-- firsthand accounts of what it’s like to be any of those things.

You may have noticed, as I have, that most of what could be argued to be the “big name” bloggers on here who post informatives on otherheartedness, are also of an alterhuman identity that’s more talked about (therianthropy, fictionkin, daemon-having, etc.).  There’s nothing wrong with this, and I’m quite glad it gets talked about in-depth at all, but it’s rare to find experiences from people who are primarily otherhearted.  Go to the blog of anyone who’s both otherkin and otherhearted, and you can pretty much guarantee that their posts are 99% about kintypes, and that they mostly bring up their hearttype when asked specifically about otherheartedness, or they’re otherwise making an informative post about it.  Maybe they’ll reblog an aesthetic post once in a while, or show you some pictures of their hearttype they have hung up in their house.

In general, despite frequent and ardent claims as to otherwise, the vibe I pick up is that being otherhearted really isn’t as intense or personal as being ’kin.  It’s hard not to be a tad disheartened when I’m seeing somebody talk on about how being ’hearted is no less valid or powerful an alterhuman identity than ’kin, how it’s something that can most certainly mean wishing to be the thing and that it’s a lot more than just liking or relating to it... only for them to turn around and describe their own otherhearted experiences in detail, and speak at length at how it’d feel alien and improper for them to be the Thing, how in their life, despite degree of alleged connectedness, it kind of does wind up manifesting as a thing they like a lot, how they totally can’t see themselves being the Thing even if they have shifts of it or consider it something they have a non-’kin kinship with. The “with vs. as” confuddle makes a strong return in the issue here, but the strong emphasis on the “you are not, would not be this thing on any level”, despite sometimes including “feeling like you should be the thing” being listed as a frequent symptom of ’heartedness gets a little... I don’t know what it gets, but it doesn’t feel very nice, and it makes it feel like it’s less the right ID for me.

Outside a few scattered and small posts, you don’t see many folks talking about trying to behave more as their hearttype, or look more like it.  Lots of talk about feeling a strong connection to and fondness for them, but much less in terms or desire to do things like acquire gear, find others of similar types... less talk of longing and existential dysphoria, especially if the poster is already otherkin (notice how if you go into the otherhearted tag, how many of the posts are tagged also with a specific kintype. I know experiences can overlap, but do notice this). On one claw, it makes sense.  After all, if your hearttype is a dragon, why try and present as a dragon or mope over not being one if you already know that you’re truly a wolf?  But that’s exactly the thing I’m pointing at here.  It’s not taken as seriously or personally as part of one’s nonhuman identity.  I can’t read minds and hearts, so I can’t say how closely one may or may not hold their hearttypes to who they are and how they are, but that’s how it comes across to me.

I get very much pensive over how my personal experiences and feelings seem to stagger haphazardly somewhere between what defines “otherkin” and “otherhearted”, and wonder if either of those is even the accurate term for me at all. Sometimes I wonder if there are entities out there who are truly otherhearted or other sorts of alterhuman, but call themselves ’kin because the general firsthand accounts of what ’heartedness is like to experience don’t sound personal or deep enough to match how they feel their own nonhumanity.  I really wonder.

[revlyncox]

Love, Liberation, and New Visions: Wisdom from bell hooks

Love is more of a practice than a sentiment. This sermon was offered to The Unitarian Society in East Brunswick on February 11, 2024.

Love is an important practice for Unitarian Universalists. Indeed, love is at the center of the way UU values are described in the proposed revision to Article II of the UUA bylaws. As Valentine’s Day approaches, and we are bombarded with images of romantic love that may or may not be healthy, this is a good time to re-orient ourselves to our deepest values; we remind ourselves about what love means in concrete terms. 

A few years ago, the world lost one of its great sages who wrote about love. The author, feminist, poet, professor, and social activist known to her readers as bell hooks died in December of 2021 at the age of 69. She used her great-grandmother’s name as a pen name. She would write it in all lower case, and said that was so readers would focus on (quote) the “substance of books, not who I am.”

As an author and an academic, bell hooks was successful and influential. She taught at various universities such as Stanford, Yale, and City College of New York before returning home to Kentucky to join the faculty of Berea College in 2004, where she was a Distinguished Professor in Residence in Appalachian Studies. 

With over 30 published books on topics ranging from racism to pedagogy to a culture of place, there is a lot we can learn from bell hooks, yet in honor of the upcoming holiday and our exploration of love in the proposed Article II, concentrating on her book All About Love: New Visions seems the logical place to begin. Written in 1999 and published in 2000, this was her first in a series about love that also included “Communion,” “The Will to Change,” and “Salvation.” While the book All About Love does address romantic love, hooks makes the specific point that romance isn’t the only or the most important kind of love, and that all love is better understood as a practice rather than a sentiment. 

In practicing a love ethic, hooks said that love is best understood as a verb. Inspired by M. Scott Peck and The Road Less Traveled, hooks advocated for clear, operational definitions of love. She wrote, “To truly love, we must learn to mix various ingredients–care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication” (From “Chapter One: Clarity: Give Love Words”). We might be surprised that, as a poet, hooks was less caught up in creating metaphors and images that described the inner experience of feeling affection than she was fierce in insisting that we can all learn how to love well. Yet, as a poet, she knew that words need to have meaning in the living world. 

Dr. Takiyah Nur Amin made the point in this week’s Braver/Wiser devotional newsletter that Unitarian Universalism is a lived faith. Our actions matter. She also talked about the theological importance of Black Unitarian Universalist history, because much of what our Black UU ancestors have to teach is written in their lives rather than in essays. She writes:

If you’re seeking sacred Black “text” in our tradition, you have to examine the way our Black ancestors lived. You have to seek out the Black folks who were in Unitarian and Universalist or UU congregations, and the work that they were doing in community—whether it was suffrage, or trying to educate Black children, or their working towards social action or civil access. Our “text” is embodied in the lives of people like Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, Joseph Jordan, David Eaton, and countless others.

(Dr. Amin continues)

One of the things I love about this tradition is that our faith is covenantal and not confessional—meaning that to some degree, our tradition cares little about what you stand up and say you believe. The evidence of your Unitarian Universalism is embodied in the depth of your relationships: how do you live in relationship to self and other? (I don't just mean human other: to the plants, to the animals, to the stars…) The proof is in the pudding, for UUs. It’s not about what you have to say. How are you living?

I encourage you to read Dr. Amin’s whole reflection. How we live means how we show up for our values in the public square, and how we treat the people around us, and how we steward the resources with which we have been entrusted, and how we commit to growing as people. It’s all love. 

Here at TUS, one of the ways we practice love is by adhering to the right relations covenant. This document is on display in the hall, and I’ll read it to you:

Right Relations Covenant

As members and friends of this Unitarian Universalist congregation, we affirm that our community is founded on openness, trust, respect, and love. In our time together–in meetings and conversations and worship and work–we covenant with one another to freely explore our values and honor our diversity as a source of communal strength. Therefore, I will:

accept responsibility for my individual acts and interactions;

in all encounters, speak for myself, from my own experience;

allow others to speak for themselves;

listen with respect and resilience;

not criticize the views of others or attempt to pressure or coerce others;

not interrupt–except to indicate that I cannot hear;

participate within the time frames suggested by the facilitator;

communicate with kindness and clarity in service of justice and peace in our community

Love is one of the values named right in the first sentence of the Right Relations Covenant. Love is operationalized, it’s about the ways we behave, and the ways we demonstrate respect. One of the things I notice about this covenant is that it requires us to slow down. We allow others to speak for themselves; that takes time. We listen with respect and resilience; that takes time. Deep and healthy relationships require an investment of the gift of time. 

Love, in a community setting, asks us to communicate about our perspectives, needs and wants; and also asks us to recognize the perspectives, needs, and wants of others. With kindness and consideration, we understand that our own perspective does not equal a demand that all operations be geared toward making us comfortable at the expense of others’ ability to participate. Love calls us to show up in service to others, to express appreciation, to look carefully for the pieces that are missing that would help us create a place where all can, as bell hooks says, “live fully and well.” 

Love makes room for repair. One of the things that sets a covenant apart from a list of rules is that it stretches to accommodate our human-ness. People make mistakes. A covenant should be constructed to take this into account, and to invite people back into relationship as we acknowledge our mistakes and work toward making amends. In this morning’s story, bell hooks (in the voice of Girlpie) reminds us that “there is no all the time right. But all the time any hurt can be healed. All wrongs forgiven. And all the world made peace again.”

We come together in community from a variety of backgrounds, bringing all kinds of experiences and heavy emotions from other parts of our lives; of course we will sometimes make mistakes and have conflicts. Our brushes with misunderstanding, when we navigate them skillfully, can be the sandpaper that softens our sharp corners and helps us to smooth out the pathways for forward movement. 

This is sharply different from how many of us were raised. There are plenty of settings without room for forgiveness or repair. We might say that these are places without grace, though I know that can be a tricky word. There are families where perfection, or at least a convincing illusion of perfection, is expected at all times, and failure to produce that perfection results in isolation and rejection. There are cultural expectations on some of us to be right, and where being right is more important than being collaborative. 

Switching gears to a practice of love in which we can discuss our differences honestly is a profound paradigm shift for many people. It is disconcerting to be asked to acknowledge conflict or hurts if our experience is that these conversations lead only to punishment and rejection rather than to a deeper relationship that comes from mutual understanding. If our previous experience is that discomfort is a one-way ticket to exclusion, the discomfort necessary in hearing other perspectives, in admitting that we don’t know everything, in accepting responsibility–all of that discomfort is hard to tolerate if we have been taught that discomfort and danger are the same thing. The active, flexible, living practice of love is necessary to create the spaces where we can be bold, authentic, and caring. 

This brings me to another point raised in All About Love, which is that the authentic practice of love is congruent with liberation. The true practice of love cannot coexist with abuse or with systems of domination. In the contrast I made just now between the loving community and the settings where no mistakes are tolerated, one of the ingredients that gets in the way of love is fear. As hooks writes in Chapter Six:

“Fear is the primary force upholding structures of domination. It promotes the desire for separation, the desire not to be known. When we are taught that safety lies always with sameness, then difference, of any kind, will appear as a threat. When we choose to love we choose to move against fear–against alienation and separation. The choice to love is a choice to connect–to find ourselves in the other.”

As an antidote to fear, hooks calls us to choose to be known, to choose to be our whole selves and to embrace the practice of other people being their whole selves, different from us. This is what we need to cultivate hope and to overcome the nihilism of isolation, despair, and fear. She quotes Cornel West, who says:

“Nihilism is not overcome by arguments or analyses, it is tamed by love and care. Any disease of the soul must be conquered by a turning of one’s soul. This turning is done through one’s own affirmation of one’s worth–an affirmation fueled by the concern of others.” (Quoted in All About Love, Chapter Six)

Cornel West is also known for reminding us that “justice is what love looks like in public.” For both West and hooks, love is a practice in our personal relationships and in our societal structures. Listen to West here, talking about “affirmation of one’s worth.” This is Humanist language, ready to unleash the potential of the inherent worth and dignity of every person, which necessarily includes dismantling the structures that dehumanize. West and hooks agree that making that turn is fueled by active care and concern, by practices of nurture and affirmation and support. The project of caring for one another and the project of humanizing the spaces we inhabit and the project of cultivating justice and mercy in the public sphere are all the same project. They are all aspects of love. 

I want to back up a little bit and talk about liberation, because it’s not a framework that everyone is used to. Liberation is not single-issue based, and it is not about more powerful people making good things happen on behalf of less powerful people. Liberation is a vision for a different way of being. Putting this in love terms, bell hooks says, “A love ethic presupposes that everyone has the right to be free, to live fully and well.” 

Liberation requires an assumption of agency, particularly the agency of people who are most impacted by oppression. Black liberation theologians like James Cone and Latin American liberation theologians like Gustavo Gutiérrez are also illuminating here. In liberation theology movements, our deepest sources of hope and inspiration are not separate from the world, but are present with us in the struggle for liberation. Liberation means freedom from oppression, living into a world that practices the inherent worth and dignity of every person, moving toward economic justice and collective concern for collective well-being. 

Liberation is a vision in which all of us need all of us. Our thriving is connected. Liberation is not about benefactors or saviors, but about people acting together for the collective good, because none of us are truly self-sufficient. Put another way, liberation is about right relationship, at every scale of relationship. And so, full circle, liberation is about love. When we behave in our relationships in a way that brings about mutual care and shared thriving, that is the love in operational terms that bell hooks spoke of. 

Liberation is a vision, it is a practice we can create on a small scale, even as we acknowledge that the larger society is not yet free. According to bell hooks, systemic oppression, accepted in the larger culture, is a major obstacle to our practice of true love. In All About Love, she explores the obstacles of patriarchy; gender roles and expectations that prevent people from being honest with others and themselves; norms of systemic oppression that turn what could be mutually caring relationships into power struggles. In other writing, she explores how racism gets in the way of relationships and in the way of the feminist movement. Systems of oppression overlap and interlock. Every aspect of a worldview that diminishes the agency, dignity, and worth of some for the benefit of others gets in the way of the practice of love. And practicing love in defiance of those systems–being authentic and demonstrating care and cultivating courage in relationships–the practice of love helps dismantle oppression. 

We cannot practice a love ethic without letting go of racism, patriarchy, classism, wealth inequality, xenophobia, and other oppressions. “Awakening to love can happen only as we let go of our obsession with power and domination,” writes bell hooks. She goes on to say, “To bring a love ethic to every dimension of our lives, our society would need to embrace change.”

Embracing change is, of course, difficult. The pandemic has invited us into a period of profound change, and it’s hard. Our society has the opportunity to improve building requirements for clean air, to normalize masking, to increase access to paid sick leave and to quality health care. We know that no one person’s health is an isolated phenomenon; what happens to one of us affects all of us. Pretending that everything is back to normal is more tempting than making the societal changes we need to take care of each other. 

Out of love, we advocate as best we can in the public square, and we remain true to our capacity to change in the service of love in our own environments. As we as a congregation live into being a hybrid community–a place where people can remain connected even if their disabilities or their caregiving responsibilities make it hard to travel on Sundays–we are going to remember again that change is hard. Practicing welcome and inclusion is hard. Demonstrating our values in the way we do things, even if it’s not familiar or comfortable, is hard. Again, if you are used to comfort being the same as safety, it may not feel like love to do the things that are unfamiliar so that we can be inclusive and flexible. Love asks us to change so that all of us can live fully and well. 

Fear gets in the way of love, and practicing love gives us the courage to overcome fear. Choosing love means choosing authenticity, choosing the possibility of accountability and forgiveness, choosing collective wellbeing instead of power and domination, choosing mutual thriving instead of an ethic of control. Choosing love means choosing connection. It is not easy, and we are capable of doing hard things. Choosing love means we will not be doing hard things alone.

May it be so.

[the-lincyclopedia]

I’ve gotten quite a few fic comments in the past two days, and I had the thought, I am so lucky. And that’s true. I am, in a lot of ways, including in fandom friendships. I have a lot of good friends in fandom, and I know that’s not something that can be earned or that should be taken for granted.

But it’s not all luck. I also have some skills around developing fandom friendships, and since we’re largely a bunch of neurodivergent folks over here in fandom, I thought it might be worth spelling some things out in case other people are wondering how to make more fandom friends, since direct instructions can be helpful.

Right off the bat, obviously, don’t be an asshole. Tell people nice things about their fics, and don’t tell them mean things about their fics (or mean things in general). If you eventually get to the point where someone has asked you to be their beta, you can give constructive criticism at that point, though it’s still important to be kind. It goes against fandom norms to give criticism, even criticism meant constructively, outside of beta relationships. If you didn’t know that before, well, now you do.

But beyond not being an asshole, here’s what I typically do: I comment a lot on other people’s fic. I probably comment on over 75% of the fics I read. Commenting is my default reader state, and I only don’t comment if I truly can’t think of anything nice to say (either because I didn’t like the fic or because I’m having trouble phrasing the thing I liked in a way that sounds good). Whenever possible, I quote-comment, meaning I use the lines I liked from the fic in the comment and basically live-react at the writer through my reading process. I try to comment on every chapter of multi-chapter fics I read.

After I’ve commented on multiple of someone’s fics, if I’m really enjoying myself, I might try to find the writer on Tumblr. I don’t mean trying to stalk them and find a non-fandom blog, obviously; I just mean looking up their AO3 username on Tumblr and seeing if they pop up. If they do, I might DM them and say how much I’ve been enjoying their fics, or how much I appreciate their characterization of a certain character, or make a fandom-related reference.

From there, sometimes people respond. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we don’t seem to have much to talk about. But sometimes we hit it off. If it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, I don’t push it, but if the other person also seems to be having a good time and is responding enthusiastically and/or initiating some of the time, I keep talking to them.

Note: I am less likely to try to talk to people who are clearly Big Name Fans, whatever that means in a certain fandom. I don’t show up and immediately try to catch the attention of people who surely have tons of people vying for their attention. And people who get less engagement are more likely to really appreciate having one new really enthusiastic supporter, anyway.

There comes a point in some online friendships where it’s okay to ask to exchange numbers/talk on the phone/Skype/etc. That point comes at different times in different friendships, and it may never come at all in plenty of them, and that’s all right. It’s nice to offer your information rather than asking for someone else’s (a tip I picked up in autism support groups), and you should definitely make sure the other person feels like they can say no, they’d rather not give you their number, or whatever.

It’s important to know going into this that sometimes fandom admiration isn’t mutual. Some people whose work you enjoy may not enjoy your work, and you need to be okay with that. Some people also won’t want to be your friend, and you need to be okay with that, too. This isn’t a manual on how to make everyone like you. But I do think that this way of interacting in fandom has helped me make a higher-than-average number of fandom friends.

This is not to say you have to follow all this advice or that there is One Right Way to engage in fandom. You’re not obligated to comment on anything or DM anyone, and I can’t guarantee any results even if you do. But if you’re wondering how to make more friends in fandom, being enthusiastic and complimentary (when you can do so genuinely) is a decent thing to try.

[rivetgoth]

I don’t know if you can answer this because idk if you’re gay or not but would you say it’s nearly impossible for someone who is ftm and gay like me to find a cis gender boyfriend? I know there’s chasers and to some I’m like a kink but I feel like most cis gay men are not open to dating, let alone ever settling down one day with a trans guy

I don’t mean this to sound rude but I’d probably recommend checking out my bio in the future because unfortunately (for the context of this ask, not for me, haha) I’m bisexual and in a long term and happy relationship with a woman, so I’m not gay, no, and I’d probably suggest finding a gay trans guy who is in a happy relationship with a man to get better information on this, but I mean… I’ve known PLENTY of trans guys of all orientations who have found love. I’ve known trans guys with success in dating apps for both relationships and hookups, trans guys who’ve been in happy relationships with men, etc. I would not at all say that it’s nearly impossible; I think if you interact with large LGBT community spaces (which I’m very aware is a privilege that I have due to living in a big city in a blue state, I’m not saying that’s an easy thing to have access to) you’ll hear a MASSIVE amount of varied experiences among trans people in relationships, including a huge number who have happy relationships with long term partners.

Like, truly, speaking from experience as someone who knows a LOT of trans people, I would earnestly say, not trying to just sound nice or sugarcoating it or anything, the ratio of trans men (and trans people I know in general, including transfems and nonbinary people) in happy relationships is just about perfectly 50:50 to the cis people I know. I do know trans men who are chronically single and struggle hugely to find relationships. I also know cis men in the exact same boat. I know trans men who are in open relationships and have both long term partners and are able to hookup with hot guys they meet. I know both straight and lesbian trans women with long term partners. I know kinky polyamorous nonbinary people who have had like 3-4 partners at once. Trans women in huge polycules. I know chronically single socially awkward cis women. It’s like. Genuinely not even something I really think about, I know so many “taken” trans people by being active in local kink and alt and LGBT spaces, and I’m not exactly like a social butterfly that knows insane numbers of people, I just am never surprised to hear about a trans person in a relationship because it’s not even a rarity or anything to me, you know?

I do get that dating as a trans person can feel like a minefield though, especially if you’re in an area that doesn’t have a big LGBT community presence. Options feel limited and at worst it can genuinely feel unsafe. I still get nervous when I’m hit on sometimes because I’m aware as a passing transsexual guy that I’m not being interpreted as trans and thus if I pursue the relationship there will be a moment that I’ll have to “come out,” where my genitals will have to be a whole convo on the table and it’ll be for some the moment of judgment and they may very well change their mind altogether, if not react with violence or aggression. That sucks. Like, a lot. I also don’t really think that it’s possible for anyone, trans or cis, to have a healthy and happy relationship unless we feel at least somewhat secure in ourselves. You know the whole “you can’t be loved until you love yourself” phrase? Obviously that’s not 100% true point blank, but I do think it’s hard to express outwards affection in a healthy way when you can’t get out of your own insecurities; it’s bound to be projected onto others or keep you from fully expressing yourself and your wants. But that’s hard for lots of trans folk, due to both dysphoria as well as external pressures like how so much of society views our bodies as anomalies or fetishes. So there is a balancing act that kind of has to happen where you learn self preservation and being smart about how you put yourself out there, but also learn to confidently put yourself out there at all and not be limited by fear. Tricky, and sometimes luck based IME, but like, the more social interaction you have and the more people you meet and the more you’re rejected and the more you’re able to form positive social connections and just the more experience you get in general the easier it becomes.

And uh last thought, I’m not going to touch this too much because I get it’s a touchy subject, but you asked me so I’m answering, I would like to push back on something here— I’d suggest asking yourself why you explicitly seem to be looking to date cis? I know “genital preferences” is like, a massively controversial subject and I don’t need anyone justifying themselves in my inbox by explaining the nuances of their unique traumas or preferences that have made them decide that they only want to date cis (I’m an anarchist so I think you can do whatever you want lol) but like, all being open to dating other trans guys does is open up the door to more options and possibilities? I’m not exclusively T4T myself seeing as I’m literally not dating a trans person, but I have spoken before about how I’m not really crazy about trans people who explicitly only date cis. I think there are often implications there that should be worked through about how you view your own identity TBH, but that’s not really my business. My advice stands regardless of your relationship preferences or goals IMHO.

[padawan-crevette]

7, 8, and 14 for the pride asks :)

Hi there! :)

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

As far as I'm aware yes, at least I'm the only one who's out and a lot of relatives have made it clear they perceive me as the odd one out, but then again I only know a fraction of my family so I really can't say

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

"Error 404: Not Found"

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

(This one ran long, sorry! And thank you for asking it, it was very fun to answer!)

My parents are ND too, no matter how much they're in denial over it half the time, and I think it showed in the way they raised me with hardly a thought for gender stereotypes until puberty hit and my dad got all overprotective about it. I think they also don't understand gender as well as they think, because what they say doesn't match up with what they do. Especially as far as gender roles go, you can see it's a learned thing and not quite something they understand because it's absolutely not consistent across the board, and that really bled over onto the way they raised me. You can probably imagine how confused I was when other people, particularly at school, started expecting me to conform to certain ideas in regards to my behavior and tastes.

It definitely took a long while for my autistic ass to even get it lmao and I think both of these things play a huge part in the way I understand gender as a concept only in relation to other people and the way they identify and define themselves. Encountering the word "agender" was even more a revelation than "non-binary" was, and honestly such a relief. Same for asexual and aromantic. As much as I am a big language nerd overall and love to read, defining myself in single word labels was a big struggle for a while, and had the same flavor as struggling with finding the right words to express myself and my emotions in my daily life, which is one of the things that first made me relate with posts about autism. Figuring out I'm autistic helped me understand my identity and how I function the same way figuring out my gender identity and orientation did, and it's all something I'd never have bothered to do if I hadn't felt the need to find people I belonged with when many pushed me away or questioned who I was. Hell, I never thought of questioning my orientation until my friends in high school talked about being straight/gay/bi (the only three labels they knew) and asked me my preferences. My immediate response was a confused "I can't just... Idk, like people??" in part because growing up in very tiny countryside villages, I wasn't really exposed to queerness as a concept for a while, and what thoughts I may have had on the subject were filed under "marked for later", and in part because when the question came up I only had some vague thought that maybe gender had nothing to do with liking someone or not.

Same goes for being aspec and poly, my flavor of neurodivergency comes with being somewhat confused about people and feelings and emotions most of the time, and it took a long while for me to have some idea of what I felt and wanted. But getting there came along with meeting some truly lovely folks, and spending hours talking about it together and finding out we had so much in common.

In conclusion, I'd say my neurodivergency absolutely plays a part in the way I perceive and understand things, including every queer label I identify with, but really all of the above is interconnected in a way that feels very much like the chicken and egg question. And my upbringing at least let me grow up in a space where, more often than not (at least when puberty wasn't getting in the way of my parents' behavior towards me), I didn't feel like I had to think about gender, and I believe that helped me be comfortable with that the way I am now, as an adult.

[leftpuppyfestival]

A Trip Back in Time: How People Talked About replica handbags 20 Years Ago

I am positive many of us have heard about bogus baggage, and in many cases purchased them in advance of.​ Bogus luggage are a tremendous trouble in today's style world.​ These are built to glance just like designer bags so It can be difficult to tell that is which.​ It truly is such a bummer that individuals would even stoop so minimal and create these faux baggage, which not only are a rip off to designer brand names but will also, are minimal top quality.​

Once i observed my friend having a designer-hunting bag, I was so envious and wished to get one myself.​ Until eventually I discovered that it absolutely was a pretend, and I Just about fainted! I had been so mad, knowing that she experienced likely been jipped of her money.​ To make issues even worse, the bag wasn't even effectively-manufactured nor did it glance pretty much as good as the real point.​ A handful of days later on the strap broke and that is when she realized it had been a fake designer bags pretend!

The worst portion was that the bag had cost her lots of money.​ It wasn't affordable, still the standard was terrrible.​ It had been painful to view a colleague working experience this type of loss.​ I signify, who truly Gains from these bogus bags? Certainly no one.​ And It can be not only the large names that faux luggage hurt, but additionally little corporations who craft authentic luggage and also have to compete with faux luggage.​

I've encounter lots of folks that obtain these fake baggage mainly because they Feel they're able to just 'get away with it'.​ They could get absent with it for some time, but it's a make any difference of your time in advance of they recognize the true expense of a phony bag.​ It's a squander of money and time.​ As well as, the morality concern.​ It's normal expertise that purchasing phony bags is prohibited, and still persons hold acquiring them, Irrespective.​

Having said that, in case you find yourself in the need for a designer-searching bag, you will discover options like 'classic outlets' and even branded outlet shops.​ These shops have astounding bags which will appear fantastic and past longer than an everyday bogus bag.​ Not surprisingly, it'll Price a lot more than a fake, but quality in no way will come affordable.​

Let alone, the phony bags never commonly Show the vintage attributes that authentic bags do.​ Particulars like components, lining content, stitching, stamp of authenticity and more, are missing in bogus baggage.​ On the other hand, the original designer baggage have an additional standard of sophistication which the bogus bags, Unfortunately, never have.​

Another concern with these bogus luggage is that they're often manufactured with counterfeit products like leather, which aren't only unhealthy but also degrade conveniently.​ They do not previous extensive and break aside, which, in turn, affects the quality of the bag.​

Furthermore, faux bags generally lack legal warranties that include legitimate brand names.​ Which means, even should they harm accidentally, you may by no means get it mounted with the help of your designer's label.​ That is why It really is far better to pay somewhat more than have a bag that can certainly stop working.​

Lastly, the scent of faux baggage is nearly always plenty of to spot them from the real deal.​ Bogus baggage have an uncomfortable oder to them due to fakes resources they are designed with.​ This is exactly why it is important to examine the scent from the bag when producing a obtain, to you should definitely're not remaining tricked.​

I recall investing in my laptop computer for The cash needed to acquire my first duplicate bag.​ I couldn’t think that this desire of having a designer handbag was ultimately close by.​ And when it arrived, I felt like I was in heaven! It experienced everything - attractive leather-based, a delicate strap and also a brilliant lining that matched the color of my costume.​ I felt like a celeb.​

It had been the best dimension for my on-the-go Life-style.​ Anytime I was out and about, I could conveniently slip it over my arm, carry all my Necessities, and still glimpse elegant.​ I could also fit in all my knick-knacks and even more which made it an ideal companion for weekend visits and obtaining all-around city.​

The best part of possessing a duplicate bag was that it was a lot more reasonably priced than the usual designer brand.​ Don’t get me wrong…I even now like designer brand names, but the worth tag just doesn’t usually fit in my budget.​ With replica luggage, I was capable of help you save a ton of money and nevertheless get a fantastic on the lookout bag.​

Irrespective of every one of the wonderful attributes of a replica bag, there was a single down side - the sturdiness.​ I predicted the bag to final me for awhile, but right after about six months of utilizing it, the fabric began to break down.​ The bag just didn’t delay in sure weather conditions.​ This wasn’t a giant offer for me as I just replaced the bag with a newer 1, but this might be truly worth taking into consideration for people seeking a a lot more long-lasting accessory.​

The bottom line is, for those who’re looking for a trendy and affordable bag that’ll assist you look put-together, a duplicate bag is a great way to go.​ From my practical experience, I can claim that it’s absolutely well worth the dollars you’ll be paying out.​

I've also employed a variety of other replicas - which include a Kate Spade impressed duplicate.​ I thought this was a particularly excellent obtain as it gave me the texture of a designer bag with out breaking the bank.​ I acquired many compliments for it, and it felt like it absolutely was just the appropriate dimensions.​ What's more, it experienced more than enough element to really make it glance very exclusive.​

I've also experimented with a Gucci inspired duplicate that was comprised of substantial-excellent components and a far more intricate design and style.​ It absolutely was Completely stunning, even so, the detail was a tiny bit too much and I felt like it absolutely was also extravagant for every day don.​ I'd personally ordinarily reserve it for Specific events or nights out.​

A further wonderful duplicate I tried out was a Michael Kors inspired bag.​ This was a little something I arrived at for When I required to search classy although not overly dressy.​ It was ideal for Distinctive events, nevertheless nevertheless relaxed with its minimalistic style and design.​ I did locate the straps somewhat short for me, but absolutely nothing too bothersome.​

My working experience with replica baggage continues to be good In general.​ I discover them to generally be a terrific way to get designer appears to be without having sacrificing a ton of cash.​ I like which i get to specific my personal fashion by the selection of reproduction baggage I very own.​ Once in a while I like to interchange them for anything different, as they usually very last me about six months before breaking down.​

Nevertheless, I do understand that not Everybody feels the same way about replica baggage.​ Some people think that they’re not worth the dollars, and that designer bags are outstanding regarding good quality and magnificence.​ I am able to surely respect that impression.​ What I do know is always that, for me, duplicate luggage have already been an unbelievable strategy to take a look at a range of kinds without breaking the lender.​

The ethical in the Tale is the fact It is basically not worthwhile acquiring pretend bags.​ You will discover a lot of pitfalls concerned and the standard will likely be not worthwhile.​ The original high-quality designer baggage have colonial insurance policy, warranties, excellent design and in addition greater materials.​ Shelling out somewhat further will promise you the quality and gratification of owning a real bag.​ Moreover, It can be unlawful, and versus the moral code.​ You should not be fooled into purchasing a phony!

[xtrablak674]

Getting My Affairs in Order

Not being shady or even trying to fish for a compliment but I don't think even ten folks would show up to a memorial service for me. #facts

My position on this point hasn't really changed in decades, and it has to do with a few factors. It's not that I am particularly unlikable or anything albeit that may play a part, I am not going to try to gaslight myself into believing I am everyone's cup of tea, because I am not.

I am a bachelor.

I've long been estranged from my entire family.

I am an orphan, neither grandparents or parents are still alive.

In recent years I have not been overly social, not joining any groups or organizations like I had in my youth.

More or less I am a hermit, with contact with truly no more than a single handful of people.

I also have a tendency to be radically honest with folks, and let me tell you folk definitely don't like this.

On its face this may appear extremely sad, but I never wanted a life full of hollow meaningless connections. Depth, honesty and truth have always been paramount to me in my relationships, and when a particular friendship isn't serving those things its time to move on from it. It may seem harsh, but why would you stay in a relationship that is no longer serving you? Living things grow and change, only dead things stay the same. #period

In the past I have talked about, what good is love you don't feel? I have had and or have people in my life, who I rarely interact with but they say, they have love for me. I reiterate, what good is love you don't feel?

Why do we allow people to move through this life and not give them their flowers why they are still here? Part of my remunerations about my life is reflecting, reviewing and rewarding the accomplishments I have had during my brief time on the planet. Per my list there isn't really anyone else doing that work, so I do it for myself. #selfcare

Part of this is making sure my death is as frictionless as my life, and making sure I have taken care of as many things as humanly possible to prepare for my demise.

The big thing grabbing my attention today is how to I wish to be visually remembered and this had me thinking of the artist who I have known who have captured my image in to my liking.

Without doing too much of a deep dive, Ms. Abramson is one of those artist, her portrait [seen above] at a former friends art exhibition opening is one of those shots I love, and the top of the list for favorite profile shots. The second shot in this category would be this shot by Mr. Kushner, now some of the technical aspects of this shot I don't love its not as clear and crisp as I like my portraits, but Mr. Kushner was still learning at the time in 2016 when this shot was taken.

Another photograph that has meaning to me is shot by Laylah Amatullah Barrayn, I was in a show she was curating at the time. It's meaningful because it was the one and only time a significant amount of family showed up to one of my exhibitions. This event was never repeated and was very memorable for me because of its uniqueness. It's rare that I get folks there clapping for and celebrating me.

The no-brainer photos that I would also want included is me and the kids, and when I say kids I am meaning nieces, niblings and nephew. Most of those ones I have actually met I have those in-case-of-death photos. You know the photo you make your wallpaper or post on IG when someone you knows dies. I have specifically instructed certain friends that we haven't created this shot and should get on it STAT. But they may find themselves wanting and that isn't on me.

An aside photos I wouldn't want included in any remembrances of my life are any photos of me and any former siblings, each and everyone of those shots I had to personally orchestrate and still got shit on by the lot of them. I don't want anyone to think for a moment that is how I would want my life reflected, but basically fantasies.

The reason these kind of things are important to me is because I didn't have those kind of shots of my former-siblings and myself as children and no shot ever of both of my parents together with me. I think these kinds of absences are significant to our identities and our perceptions of ourselves, which is why I have always made sure that I always try to get these kinds of shots with the children.

That's all I had to say, this ish may seem dark, but the truth is once we are born we are going to die, might as well get yourself right for the inevitable. #facts

[cirrusmeat8]

The smart Trick of Dating That Nobody is Discussing

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This includes the visibility of folks who are not our actual members, like members who've shed their work, or who possess the ability to prove what they currently know. In some cases this raises the reddish banner for some individuals. We will definitely additionally operate with members concerning whether we are certain they are real. There are actually so a lot of profile pages on Dating.com… I as if to search through them properly and decide on the very most qualified individual to talk to. I then pick one individual to talk to. I at that point move on to the upcoming person. This is where some potential prospective dates begin to look up. I at that point make certain they are not about to approach the person I am looking for and get a listing of all of the prospective day I will certainly speak to for their account and my listing. Dating.com carries out the feeling of adventure in me! I located several women who had been in the market, and there are certainly plenty of the same individuals in the area. I was fascinated along with those who could possibly certainly never find it happening -- individuals of both sexes who could possibly view it happening. Why was this? I remember possessing a conference with an old friend who came to the house because she was about to enter into the firm. The website is therefore effortless to make use of and the opportunity of meeting someone from yet another culture that associates to me is just thrilling. I've never once thought I'd be at the base of this thing.". When asked if there's also an "under the sun" mindset concerning taking pictures of your friends, it's clear that they haven't created a lot attempt. It is truly trendy to comply with various individuals who come coming from different histories than your personal but have comparable rate of interests and values. We can easily comply with and spend the time all together at the same time. At that point we may have a lengthy walk with each other and receive together to come up along with wonderful ideas about each other and to produce a great deal of exciting.". Scarcely one month in to their honeymoon venture after he acquired out of college, the loved ones was back on the isle and excited concerning their brand-new begin. Countless matches experience the delights of finding a connection on Dating.com. You may look by means of all the appropriate dating posts, went through profile pages of popular women and locate brand new ones, fulfill, be on the series. Not sure why some couples aren't brought in more to you? Then look no better. Matching apps coming from Tinder and Match.so.org, for case, allow you explore coming from your social network with your Tinder profile page photographes, images or the likes of your pals. While the end result for happy married couples are the very same, their trip is commonly quite various. The results can then be contrasted to normal marriages, and they could also help know the relationship's past history. Delighted pairs come from a broad range of histories: wed to one yet another, divorced, or separated from the other members of their relationship after being devoted. Married pairs are very most probably to possess a loved ones living apart, separated. Every passion story motivates us to always keep on improving, which is why we love to listen to coming from you. We get inspired by all styles of people to share how they experience the outdoors—to find out about the lives of nearby companies, local area volunteers, and of training program, our fantastic area. Thus, if you'd as if to share your affection for outdoor pursuits along with us, our website are going to present you how outdoorsy you may be.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s the 1st date, the very first embrace or the very ideal headlines of an engagement, marital relationship or childbirth of a kid. It will take location in the very actual world, after all“ and in true lifestyle, and we won't recognize for a even though’ up until when the world acquires serious. But I know our real future is going to be a lot brighter’ than just the "points in one day" we pictured it.

[mosegaard71hildebrandt]

Testimonies From an Empath

Emotions for instance fear, fury, and frustration happen to be energies. Like the virus, you can possibly "catch" them from your peers without having realizing it. Empathic people can be clairvoyant sponges that soak up energy everywhere they go. In my twenties and thirties, I used to be so vitality sensitive that in the event that I heard a good ambulance siren, We would feel instant panic. If I actually come upon an crash scene or even a homeless person, I cried. If I observed an open injury, We would feel some thing like the shock all over my figure. In traffic, We felt the anger and frustration of my fellow drivers so keenly that my throat would close upward and i also could certainly not swallow. Once i was throughout my prayer closet, I would weep, groan, shake, and even travail on behalf of others. These types of and similar cases were so popular for me i thought everyone felt this way. My partner and i had no idea that I was a great empath. I experienced never heard about like a thing. Nevertheless I quickly learned that I am not alone within my empathic abilities, that can be both a gift along with a curse. In section 2 of the new book, In whose Stuff Is This?, I share stories from your empaths We interviewed as part of my analysis. There is the wide variety involving situations in which often folks have realized by themselves as an end result of this user-friendly gift. Many of these individuals have just understood they are empaths; other medication is veteran empaths who will be using this particular intuitive gift since part of their very own healing practice. website evaluated said that it includes both saved the life and broken his heart. "I thought I has been an agoraphobic for the longest mainly because when I had been around a lot of people My partner and i felt overwhelmed, inches said Jonathan. " get more info thought it had been anxiety, but then I began to be ready to tell if someone was lying down to me. This can hurt to be able to know someone you love is lying for your face. " Anyone We heard from explained she if your woman drove past a serious car accident, the lady would feel most the emotions of the people involved, including typically the confusion of the person who acquired just died at the scene. If presently there was someone inside the car ready, she felt uncomfortable about crying plus having to explain why she has been crying. Samantha says being an empath is generally draining. "You may feel grim or have to prepare yourself to get around people. This makes it unattainable down to exactly what you truly experience instead of precisely what others are projecting to you, " says Samantha. "There will be a few people who find themselves very good at disguise. Their strength may feel beneficial in the beginning, but these people can't keep up the wall lengthy. " Julie Isaac states she has usually known that your woman picked up people's emotional energy, but she didn't realize she was picking up their pain and pains, simply because well. "For decades I thought I got a hypochondriac until one Thursday night time when I recognized with every fiber of my being that will I was planning to have a center attack. Likely to include! There was zero pain, so there was clearly no reason to go to the hospital to inform them i would shortly be using a coronary heart attack. I decided to look at TV plus relax until We felt something of which would tell me it can time to visit the hospital. Then, instantly, the feeling/knowing removed. It was thus bizarre. The up coming day, Friday, My partner and i went to function and my employer was out ill. On Monday, they will told us of which she had a center attack on Thursday night. That's after i realized I has not been a hypochondriac; I had been picking up on other's physical strength. inches Fortunately, typically the gift of sympathy may be developed in addition to utilized to help other people without causing damage to yourself. Hillary Raimo may be the owner and author of the signature UNtraining� series. As a good empath she feels energy and can tune in to the particular emotional energy involving another individual, animal, or even event in order to read it. She says the particular gift can generally be dismissed by others or wrong for psychological concerns. Hillary pursued psychology in college therefore she could better understand herself, but when she began to be able to explore shamanistic in addition to psychic studies, that clicked that your woman was empathic just about all her life. The lady now uses this gift in your ex act as an user-friendly healer.

[mendozawolf77]

replica burberry scarf 2

Burberry Scarf Replica I’ve been watching a variety of the critiques recently on YouTube about varied purses and that was the primary time I had ever heard of a Birkin bag. So here’s where it will get really attention-grabbing. The exact same day my scarf arrived from Burberry, this scarf beneath arrived in the mail. If I had my eyes closed and someone positioned certainly one of my arms on every scarf, I may simply let you know which one was the real Burberry scarf. You don’t have to be looking on the scarves to inform, you probably can tell purely by really feel. But again, if I didn’t have a real scarf to compare the fake one against, I would never have recognized this one was a fake as a outcome of it’s tremendous delicate and does really feel like cashmere. Ch David is the co-founder and CEO of Legit Check By Ch. replica burberry cashmere scarf Finally, the width of the fake label was not measured appropriately, as it needs to be narrower, with smaller texts on it. For some cause, replica factories at all times appear to get fonts incorrect. In this case, the letters in the best picture are bolder, thicker and everywhere when they are supposed to be thinner, exquisite and symmetrical just like it's on the genuine label. You can inform so much in regards to the authenticity of a model by observing its label. Even the true ones are slightly fuzzy, just not as much as the fake one I was despatched. If it’s from Bloomingdales, it must be fine. When hubby and I first went to Italy in 2006, there have been “genuine” handbag avenue distributors in all places in Rome, Florence and Milan. They would set out their goods on a avenue nook for an hour, promote a couple of purses to vacationers, then rapidly close up store earlier than the police got here along. wikipedia scarf Some of the fake Gucci’s, Prada’s, Chanel’s and so forth., that I looked at close-up seemed genuine, quality was truly fairly good. It’s so dumb of them to take chances like that with their brand! I watch lots of YouTube videos online about trend because I just love learning about it, even if it’s a model or product that I’m not excited about buying for myself. In the last couple of months, I’ve observed all the YouTube folks who love and purchase Louis Vuitton have began complaining that the quality has slipped. I am a Louis Vuitton girl myself but same rules apply when shopping for from ebay. Elaine, I would contact them and tell them that you just didn’t name sooner since you wanted to offer it a while to see if the odor went away…and it hasn’t. The worse factor that can happen is they say, no. I’m fairly certain that all products have to have a tag or label stating the place and from what they are made. The reality your bag doesn’t have that could be sufficient so that you can demand they allow you to return it. Before we proceed to the failings on the fake Burberry scarf, we're going to try the true vs fake Burberry scarf picture so that you’d perceive the issues simpler. Looking at the fake example of the headband within the fake vs actual Burberry scarf picture above, you can discover how the text is simply too skinny in comparability with the text met on the genuine Burberry scarf. In this fake vs real Burberry scarf legit examine information, we've organized 4 spots to analyze in your Burberry Scarf so as to see whether or not you have a fake or real Burberry scarf. See what it's prefer to get my merchandise authenticated Real experience, not self claimed. Join the Legit Check Club More bang on your buck, with extra benefits and extra included. Learn the method to authenticate objects The most exhaustive Library of pretend vs actual comparability guides. In the highest left nook, you can see the equestrian knight emblem, and to the best, there is a square block that depicts the sample and magnificence of the headband bought, in this case, it’s Giant Check. A true symbol of high-end style, stepping out in basic Burberry’s classic checked sample never fails to turn heads. Our favourite method to showcase the bold design is by carrying a scarf. First, we are going to check out the fake vs actual Burberry scarves on the outside side of the wash tag, after which, on the inside side. Items should be returned to us inside 14 days of delivery within the situation by which they have been received. You ought to take care when trying on gadgets to make certain that clothing isn't stained with fake tan, make-up deodorant etc. Refunds for returned objects will exclude shipping costs.

[subwayswing2]

Typically the Sandata Evv Logon Chronicles

We? ve been the largest supplier of paver sand for more than a ten years and we? ve worked with hundreds of homeowners in addition to contractors issues tasks. If you had been bullied, if an individual were ashamed, fearful of reprisal, and even if you will be really more sympathetic to giving cash to the Scarlets than keeping it for the men and women who elected a person, it doesn't make a difference. You get up inside the mornings, an individual are you, then you go to cargo area. Trying to find a handle upon all of these physical and emotional changes, I absolutely began to examine myself. This amplified an already dodgy problem with the international supply chain induced by the COVID-19 pandemic; that of course has been an issue because the pandemic began. Yet , multiple users pointed out that the 3D effect was limited found in scope: garuzary7 said "you have in order to keep the system still including a pretty specific angle to get the ideal effect" and MFOtaku4, JadenHybrid and Nymo all concurred this kind of was a little bit of a good issue.

When My partner and i went to write this specific blog post, this dawned on us, that within the past few of years My partner and i have only published Spring and Summer posts. It had been definitely my intention in order to write 4 in season posts a yr. Weirdly, for stating I have a blog which in turn I share to anyone who decides to read this, I'm a very quiet and individual. I think it can be been seen while a bit of a joke, and only others that have, or who are currently experiencing it may completely understand that. Very specialized sand can often be purchased in twenty pounds bags, helping to make moving the crushed stone an easy plus clean process. When I'm in the better frame associated with mind I can quite happily brush all of it off plus see it all intended for how it truly is. And even Repeat. Anyway, I realised something about myself that had not crossed my mind ever previously and it seemed to be sort of a revelation for me. Won't change anything, nonetheless it clears a whole lot up and form of organises typically the compartments in my mind. The number of compartments on the roulette tire will depend on where typically the game is being played out. I have largely put it all the way down to being peri-menopausal.

Usually once i experience like I am on some very fast roundabout, We have an extremely urgent need to just retract by pretty much anything during my world. We just don't genuinely feel like I understand myself at the particular moment. I realize as a result many others talk about similar feelings, so I take comfort throughout not feeling on your own, when sometimes My partner and i feel very by yourself. As soon while I start in order to feel like things are spinning around too fast, then I recognize to start cutting myself faraway from everything and just concentrate on the things that will really count in my personal life. I move from feeling just like the crappest mother on earth, to feeling similar to I actually performed a decent job found in a space associated with 0-60 seconds. My partner and i felt like things finally made feeling. To tell a person the truth, I actually have felt thus discombobulated and out of sorts lately. Approximately 785 thousand people in the world do not have a new potable water resource close to house, and off-gridders aren? t exempted with this global crisis. Other folks may have faired better. This divergent finding may point to different? communications of influence? within just the school environment that shape the school experience for Spanish-speaking Hispanic children, which may ultimately lessen the potential protective effect associated with higher income universities on obesity with regard to this subgroup.

I actually questioned my state of mind at one level. 카지노사이트 추천 I'm sure the particular Bears have been finding me a little testing. 2 thirds of typically the Bears are totally grown adults, in addition to Baby Bear is usually catching up fast. Big Bear lures the nest throughout a few months and the dynamics changes. When My partner and i is not sensation myself, I locate the lure of social media practically a lot of to have. The fake perfectness does nothing at all to help me complete how I'm feeling. It's also really hard to get others in order to understand exactly how much this kind of season of living affects you. There exists little doubt how the Independents would happily have shelled out, and there were even voices from Meryl-land that the council should have presented him an still bigger payout : not because they wanted to get rid of him, but simply because they felt he well deserved it. Do an individual know, I had never even HEARD of the peri-menopause until We started to obtain symptoms. Post upon your social sites, reach out to friends from the time if you were studying the book, in addition to ask an area librarian or even classic teachers. I'm bracing myself. Of training course, I'm over the particular moon enough time provides come to commence spread wings, nevertheless it's bitter-sweet and even it's hitting me personally hard feeling thus out of types too.

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[merrill05mahler]

replica birkin bag 27

Greatest Faux Designer Handbags Evaluation And, in fact, the sloppy stitching in the proper picture definitely gives away the pretend. You also can see a black wire exhibiting on the fake one which would never happen to an original bag. Bags of the French style house Hermes can be rightfully thought of probably the most recognizable. These famous and splendid baggage are carried by celebrities and heroines of tv sequence. I went online and found many firms providing knockoff designer bags. The Purse Queen was began in August of of 2010 by me, Angie , as a weblog that evaluations authentic & replica handbags I truly have bought throughout the years, and replica websites as well. I am your typical style obsessed lady in her 30s (think Blair Waldorf or Serena van Der Woodsen post-Gossip Girl) based mostly in New York, but incessantly travel across the globe . We are providing a free , fast and secure delivery to the a lot of the nations our customers are based mostly. one hundred pc genuine Hermès Birkin 30 bag in Gold Veau Togo leather-based with contrasting white stitching and Palladium hardware. Vintage Hermes Birkin Bag in good condition. Established clients with an everyday purchase history at Hermes could also be supplied a Birkin for purchase. Even so, Birkin and Kelly purchases are usually capped at a quota of 1 Birkin or Kelly per “semester” or six months. VIP’s may sometimes be allowed to surpass this quota. These rules are recognized to alter regularly at Hermes. Rachel Bilson was spotted out around Hollywood looking fashionable as always. She has on Paige Premium Denim, Chloe clogs, and my favourite her Hermes Constance bag. This bag is basically complimentary to Rachel’s fashion and outfit in this photograph. Demi Lovato was spotted purchasing at Nordstrom in West Hollywood with her Louis Vuitton Damier Canvas Berkeley bag. Unable to get the Hermes Birkin bag many are settling for a NFT of the coveted handbag. This means our Dupe is flexible and can be used for leisure or at the office. HermesBirkinbagstell the the rest of the world that you're one of many elite. Browse on hermes outlet for an excellent selection to get your hands on new and used kinds. Now, Jimmy Choo is the talk of the city for working with H&M. This cooperation between the 2 companies aims to create handbags with metallic hardware adornments to be part of the H&M collection. 1) The lining and inside of each Hermes Birkin bag is made with as much care as the remainder of it. Its without a doubt- an excellent alternative to the 1000's of dollars. Save your $$$, Invest in shares or actual estate or one thing that will make you richer (;. https://re-pin.me/replicas-hermes-bags/replica-birkin-bag.html There is no lady on this planet that hasn’t heard of the name Hermes and doesn't know how a Birkin bag looks like. Particularly, the Hermes Birkin Togo is taken into account to be some of the iconic baggage of all time. It is an outrageously fashionable bag that's synonymous with luxurious and wealth. Its recognition amongst famous folks will increase by the day and we always see celebrities wearing one. Hermes don't concern an authenticity card. They by no means have and more than likely by no means will. Many faux Hermes Birkin and Kelly baggage include these orange plastic bank cards that say “Hermes” on them. The Birkin bag may be distinguished from the same Hermès Kelly handbag by the variety of its handles. In addition to the basic Retourne Birkin, Hermès launched the Sellier Birkin as part of the Birkin line in 2010. The Sellier fashion with external stitching and a sharp-edged structure is an exceptionally elegant purse. In an exotic Hermès pores and skin like crocodile, ostrich, or alligator, the Birkin 25cm is a glamorous alternative for day to night, cocktails or the red carpet. I often do all my fake bags purchasing under the impulse of a sudden determination, however I feel like this one was a wonderful alternative and I will tell you why I factor that you can purchase a Hermes Birkin replica bag. A shut take a look at this purse reveals all of the explanation why this handbag is so perfect for any fashion fanatic city gal. This may have been simply one of many things that saved you on the fence for so lengthy. wikipedia handbags Well, you should know that you just had been right to be on the fence. I am not going to sugar coat something for you. There are tons of scammers on the market in the replica world, and, when you allow them to, they'll take you for no matter you are keen to pay. I taught myself to take a glance at every particular person handbag and discern whether or not it was worth the asking worth or not. Most vendors are pretty open with their pictures and data, even the scammers. You are bidding on a model new 30cm Genuine Dark Grey Manta Ray Birkin. Burberry FakeEach brand has a distinct design template and you'll really inform it by the form of the bag. Copyright © Smartbuyfashion Group since 2005, All Rights Reserved. This occurred like that - some of the lovely and chic actresses of the time Grace Kelly had a photo on the quilt of the magazine, the place she was hiding her pregnancy under this Hermes bag. Actually there have been extra images of her with the purse, but the first one made the story. All the knowledge on this website is published in good religion and for basic information purpose solely. Most of the bags could be discovered simply by seaching for the mannequin name – If you wish to find a Hermes Birkin Bag then search for Birk bag or Birking bag. I know it isn't just like the unique name but when you kind in “Birkin” at Aliexpress the location comes with recommendations. Look at the picture under if you are unsure what I mean.

[a-slut-for-smut]

One Big Slutty Fuckoff List of Gloriously Smutty Alutegra fanfics :D

Greetings, fellow Alutegra sluts out there! I am but a humble whore for Alutegra for well over a decade, but finally decided it was high time to curate some of the finest, most exquisite smut of our OG girl boss/malewife ship. What spurred this on, you ask? Welp, I am guilty of sluttily luring in some of my moots aboard this ship and been promising to deliver this for AGES, so here we are years later (sorry i operate on grandma speeds!!!)

A couple things to know regarding this rec list (which may be particularly helpful for curious newcomers, horny vets feel free to scroll on down):

1.) As the title suggests, this is a smutravaganza so mostly is rated E, some M. Sorry folks, im sure there is a ton of amazing non-explicit fics but this is all i read! Also, given the very nature of the series (iirc it originally has hentai roots) it doesnt shy away from sexually kinky themes. Honestly name a kink and its probably not only been explored but likely grounded as far as canon goes. What do i mean by this? I'm only going to name a few but if any of the following get your juices flowin then Alutegra is the ship for you:

Dom/Sub BDSM (emphasis on consent)/Power play vibes- Integra is master, Alucard is her servant. As my boy Oscar Wilde said “Everything in the world is about sex — except sex. Sex is about power.” Honest to God, I don't know any ship that embodies this quote any better.

Bondage- Alucard is first discovered by Integra in a strait jacket/chains etc, and if memory serves me correctly makes several appearances throughout the series

Genderbending/fluidity- well im not sure this is the right term, but in canon Alucard can shapeshift/says he doesn't identify with a specific form/body (whether this applies to gender is up to interpretation i guess?). His "Girlycard" form is generally seen as his female form in the fandom.

Monster porn- Well, Alucard is a vampire and can shapeshift. Including a wolf/dog beast. Sky's the limit folks

Tentacle/cosmic horror porn- Alucard can conjure these shadowy tentacle thingys and a million extra eyes which serves as some sort of relevant symbolism that ive completely forgotten. Shit's hot tho (i got a cosmic horror kink shutup)

Non-penetrative sex & forbidden/taboo vibes- in canon, its established that only virgins can be turned into true vampires, everyone else turns into inhuman mindless ghouls. That said, the authors who write within the bounds of canon find very, VERY creative loopholes. Also the sheer level of pining (for penetration especially) might drive you insane no joke (proof: me). Mad respect to these authors- trust me this is sayin a lot coming from someone who actively prefers full-on penetration smut XD

2.) I am by no means a resource for canon- I watched both series YEARS ago, so my memory of the plot is shaky at best. What truly gripped me about this series is the Alutegra relationship, the true struggle in how to define their bond (or if it even can be, kudos to the fic authors that try). They are both utterly compelling characters in their own right within canon (truthfully I crush harder on Integra than Alucard) and i think the fandom absolutely recognizes that. Much of the gravitas of their bond is tied to canon, so most fics seem to understand/reflect this. No warm fuzzy coffee shop/high school AUs here folks, prepare yourselves for a truly smutty angst fest.

OK enough of that, to the smut! I'm really just commenting on the porn vs the plot so no summaries here. Oh and if any of you know the tumblr URLs of any of these authors lmk so i can tag them. Also im sure ive missed some gems, feel free to share and i'll look to add later

Welp, im going to hell and im taking you all with me- get sinning and enjoy the feast you horny hoes

One-shot porn

What It Wants and Where It Goes - by @crystallinee-waters

Femdom but goddamn its written in a way that made me ache. Alucard's sheer level of contrition, desperation for forgiveness goes beyond your standard simp energy. Top tier, i fucking LOVE how their relationship is depicted. and fun fact, i may have helped the author brainstorm some of the smuttier details <3<3

Mine - by @crystallinee-waters

Goddess at femdom and pining, but holy hell the way how explicit sexual content is approached is just *chefs kiss* I needn't remind you folks- consent is sexy as fuck and this authors fics are proof of that *sidenote - im keeping this list to smut but do yourself a favor and read ALL these authors fics, im a whore for her interpretation of their relationship

In This Darkness, I Have You by @goblins-riddles-or-frocks

What is the point of a vampire/human porn-rec list if you don't include menstrual cunnilingus smut? Also feels. Lots of feels.

Girls & Wolves by Calesvol

mmm hate-sex at its finest folks. Gotta fuck em into obedience yallwhatimsayin??

Homeostasis by Calesvol

A semi-sequel to Girls & Wolves. Very kinky smut but laced with hurt/comfort.

Kingdom of Heaven by Iggy_Lovechild

more hate-sex basically, yay. Also has a shit-ton of smutty one-shots, far too many to list- enjoy

A Queen's Throne by Anilucard

a smutty ode to Alucard's wicked, wicked tongue :D

With the Thorns Underneath by wllw

Holy femdom batman!

Loopholes by @and-i-write-sins

eyyy remember when i mentioned creative loopholes? LOL

you'd make a dead man come by valenstyne

LORD HAVE MERCY! i'll let the fic summary speak for itself: There’s more than one way to stake a vampire. Metaphorically speaking.

Pain by hypnonaut

lol this one just gets progressively kinky as it goes, but Alucard's adoration of Integra is both sweet & sexy

Tentacles of the Night by LaviniaLavender

eyyy remember when i mentioned tentacle porn? LOL

Simple Motions by @ironcladvalkyr

eyyy remember when i mentioned genderbending? but to expand on this this is probably one of the hottest things ive ever read and top tier aftercare/pillow talk

To be watched, in such silence by @ironcladvalkyr

short but smutty, the way Alucard goes on about how Integra turns him on is yums

darling, I wish you were red by @lunarcrystal

yay for cunnilingus and pining!

These fics from Cardinal_Daughter - you have to be logged in to see

Clingy - Timeline of their relationship via Integra POV.

Adore - post-canon angsty smut

Remembered - no smut but this was so achingly angsty i had to shout out

Multi chapter porn

And Though You Turn From Me - by @when-rivers-run-red

THE PINING, THE NOTICE ME SENPAI FEELS, THE TENTACLE PORN AUGHHHHHHHHH this one is a recent favorite folks, do not skip!!!

Eternal Sin by @therustycage

This post-canon multi-fic is one of my favs. Love the Alutegra interactions on how to tackle the obstacles presented in the finale, the pining, and the plot is definitely something to chew on. Slow-burn but tis a good burn

Embracing Sin by @therustycage

Sequel to Eternal Sin. Basically fluffy-porn and time travel. Delicious.

Satis by @lesmismignon

A heavy weight champ of Alutegra post-canon fics. Integra's POV on how she wrestles her feelings for Alucard- just INJECT that shit straight into my veins MMMM! Alucard's pining is top notch/the slow burn makes the smutty bits that much more exquisite. Honestly just read all her fics (one-shots) they're great

The Return by ButifulDeath

Post-canon porn with interesting plot, and fuckin hell dat smut is just *chefs kiss*

Samhain by ButifulDeath

fluffy porn one-shot sequel to The Return and it is hothothot

Like Real People Do by @my-mild-ginger

ahhh so i actually havent read this one yet as its a chonky 40 chapters (currently), seems much more fluff vs smut for those that prefer that balance