#in our lowest points we are more likely to feel like we are not deserving of love

[enbyjane]

the truth is (a perspective on love)

context: edit based off a personal conversation with @onlineproblems about parental love, unconditional love and the love we deserve bonus: her wise perspective:

more bonus:

[nepentheisms]

You ever find yourself down and out, going through a real dark night of the soul? Well if your name's Vash, then fortunately for you, you've got a Meryl Stryfe on your side.

She came in clutch, and I'm proud of her. Nightow even conveys the moment Meryl's words of resolve reach Vash as a burst of light in the dark. After Vash kills Legato, we see his soul teetering on the brink. He feels truly lost, boxed inside an all-black space, wondering what reason he has to go on living, "What's there left to see?"

And as if in answer to prayer, sparks of light begin to appear around him. As our eyes follow the flow of panels down to the lower left, we're then hit with the impact of the space around Vash brightening dramatically as he hears Meryl's words. Her faith calls him out of the void, and he gets the answer to his question: Here are the people fighting to realize your dream. Here's the woman who declares that she's among those who will share your burden because it doesn't matter if you broke the vow that defined you for so long - you're still worth believing in. And here, right in front of you is a fragment of your sisters' memories - the key to finally bridging the gap between them and humanity. There's so much left to see.

I love how in every version of Trigun, it's the sheer persistence of Meryl's faith that pulls Vash out of his lowest points (I know Stampede hasn't reached this climax in Vash's emotional journey yet, but I think what we've seen with Meryl helping him break Knives' control is a foretaste of bigger things to come). That tenacity and refusal to give up are so central to her character. Once her convictions are set, she's incredibly steadfast in them, and it's this steadfastness that makes the Mary Magdalene comparisons even more fitting.

In Thomas Aquinas' reflection on Mary Magdalene, he calls her devotion "constant," and says "it deserves praise" as a quality that "made her fit to see the angels." Aquinas remarks that while the other disciples left when Jesus was buried, Mary Magdalene stayed because of her "stronger and more burning affection." Thus, she is privileged among the saints as the chosen witness and messenger:

"Notice the three privileges given to Mary Magdalene. First, she had the privilege of being a prophet because she was worthy enough to see the angels, for a prophet is an intermediary between angels and the people. Secondly, she had the dignity or rank of an angel insofar as she looked upon Christ, on whom the angels desire to look. Thirdly, she had the office of an apostle; indeed, she was an apostle to the apostles insofar as it was her task to announce our Lord's resurrection to the disciples."

So how fitting is it that Meryl ends the story as a news reporter and thereby having even more power to tell Vash's story? She has witnessed the most hidden aspects of him (a fact that makes a great point of comparison to the characterization of Mary Magdalene in the extracanonical Gnostic Gospels), and there's so much she could say to help the rest of the world learn to understand him. She now has the resources to share his message on a much greater scale, and in those last few pages we see that the people Vash met in his travels, people like Lina and her grandmother and Badwick's family, are among those watching the broadcast. Meryl gets the word out to others who came to know him directly: He is risen.

"Mary answered and said, What is hidden from you I will proclaim to you. And she began to speak to them these words: I, she said, I saw the Lord in a vision and I said to Him, Lord I saw you today in a vision. He answered and said to me, Blessed are you that you did not waver at the sight of Me. For where the mind is there is the treasure." -Gospel of Mary (extracanonical)

[alienisticxo]

Before the Fever - Chapter Thirteen

{Master Chief x Reader series - TV based}

{A╱N} nobody knows how sorry i am that this took me longer than i expected it to. life outside of here has kept me so busy, and i hadn’t been writing as much as i wanted, but it’s finally done! (i edited it, but i may be editing more once i read this entire series back to inspire myself further lol) we finally get into the glorious gloriousness 🫠 thank you so much as always for hanging in! i have this whole series outlined to the end so even if it takes me a little while sometimes, i will never abandon this story, its near and dear to my heart and your comments and kudos always keep me going too! 🥹🖤

Warnings: s m u t. i didn't want to make it as raunchy as I could've, so it's just some passionate smut 🥲

I hope you enjoy! ♡ 

Chapter Thirteen - Stardust

She kissed the corner of my mouth, down to my jawline, peppering me with little acts of love, compassion. It was like she was piecing me back together again, healing the scars on my body and in my mind with nothing more than her touch.

I knew the feeling would only last as long as this continued, and I knew it wasn’t the appropriate thing to do. Not amidst the war we were fighting, not amidst the way we were on the run, but there was nothing at this point that was going to stop either of us, it seemed.

There was nothing that could’ve kept me from acting on my love for {Y/N}.

Love.

That was a hell of a word, meaningless to me, at one point. But suddenly I understood it. I felt it. I knew it. I held it, and I was capable of returning it. It still baffled me, how strongly and suddenly it came. But there was no other explanation for the way I felt for her.

Believe me, I tried to find one.

She loved me. And I could feel it in the way she touched me, in the way she responded to my touch; her soft sighs, her quiet moans. Even more, it wasn’t only in this manner. I felt it in the way she held my hand in the Condor— kept it from trembling. In the way the smile touched her eyes when I told Laera she was coming with me. I hadn’t realized I felt it when I watched her staring up at the blue sky on Halo, the sun beams catching her just right; when she opened up to me that first night on Reach, at her lowest moment under Halsey’s control.

But I know now, and so does she.

This was a new field of experience for me— the entirety of it. But something within me had been awakened, ignited. I let the same long-buried instinct from our initial kiss lead the way, responding to her effortlessly as she gave into me just as easily.

Pulling her into my arms again, I kicked off my boots and lifted her off of the set of drawers, carrying her to the hallway. There was a guest room, I remembered that being offered from my first visit. I could’ve taken her right there, my avidity pushing to take over. But I felt she deserved better— she deserved something kinder.

She deserved everything good I could give her.

Her soft lips found mine again, and I occasionally peeled a hand off of her to graze the wall until I found the correct doorknob; not wanting to break the connection we shared. When I finally did, I swung the door open and closed it shut behind us, picking up the pace to the large bed in the middle of the room.

I hardly had time to register the view of deep space through the window wall just beside us, intensifying the heat of the moment. I’d have to compliment Soren’s home when I saw him again.

{Y/N}’s dainty hands traveled along my skin in a way that was still so foreign to me, but welcome beyond belief. Never having been touched so illicitly, so fully, lent to an entirely different range of sensation in various areas of my body. I was used to Medical’s sterile and concise touch when I was forced into frivolous repairs after battle. They were needed, I was told. ‘Stay still, sit down, don’t move.’ There was no love there. No care. Not like her, not like now.

She touched me like I would break— a laughable thought in any other situation. But she allowed me the space, the breathing room. She took care in every movement, and in doing so, allowed me to feel.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what was to come. I was too wrapped up in all that she was as I laid her down beneath me, carefully climbing over her. It was easy to notice how tiny she looked in comparison as we shifted to the middle of the bed, my hands on either side of her frame.

She looked up at me through a half-lidded gaze, a strap to her dress falling off of her shoulder and offering an intriguing view that I’d never expected to see. I drank {Y/N} in, possibly for the first time in such a lurid way. She was even more beautiful in a natural state like this. In the vulnerable moment that we shared— that for once, I didn’t mind sharing.

Her eyes gleamed in the starlight, and I was suddenly more lucid than I’d ever been. Her skin was smooth, holding the smallest of details. I noticed a tiny silver necklace that I hadn’t seen beneath her clothing before. It reminded me of the dog tags I only took off to shower.

But the girl surprised me when she reached down, hooking her fingers around the underwear she wore beneath her slinky gown. So easily she tugged them down and off of her legs, her eyes never leaving their fixation. Her expression had changed. There was a daring look in her eye, but it was smoldered with a desperation I’m sure my own reflected back to her. Her hand dangled off the edge of the mattress, dropping the fabric before I felt her soft fingers return to my skin.  

The urges, need, surging through me were wildly unknown and unfamiliar. They were stronger than anything I’d ever felt before, and while I was usually the king of composure, keeping a handle on it felt impossible. I wasn’t naive to the ways of these acts, I’d simply never felt the desire for them.

Until now.

God, did I need her now.

Just her. Only her.

Always.

———

John looked like a god in the flesh above me, his powerful build just outlined enough in the low light of the vivid stars that hung in the atmosphere just beyond the window. He stared down at me through intensely curious eyes, raking over what he could see of my body. I silently hoped he enjoyed it.

The way he reacted let me know that he did.

He was only half dressed, the top gone but the bottom very much in place. Despite the passion of the moment building all at once, our hands and lips finding one another again, clamoring for any amount of skin we could find, it was still quite easy to feel how aroused he’d become. That alone sent me even higher than I already felt, the faint throbbing between my own thighs becoming more and more apparent; hard to ignore or control.

But I was sure I didn’t want to control it anymore.

Together, it was enough to have me decide I’d help him, taking the underwear I wore off and tossing it aside. To egg him on, let him know without words that he was exactly what I wanted, what I needed— more than anything and anyone in this entire universe. To show him that it was okay to keep going, to take it as far as we possibly could.  

And maybe it was bold to assume that’s what was going to be needed; that that’s what was going to come next. But there was no other act of passion we could partake in that would’ve expressed our love for each other any better than that. Without words, we spoke the same language. We felt one another’s burning desire along with our own.

After a few seconds of intense hesitation, John leaned down again, placing kiss after kiss on the flesh of my throat, eliciting heavy exhales from my lungs. I wanted to breathe him, to have him become a part of me, and me a part of him— entirely.

It wasn’t much longer before I felt his hand on my thigh, brushing it higher and higher until he was pulling the dress from me. My body seemed to arch all on its own to offer him an easier way to remove it, and he tossed the silky fabric aside.

I’d never felt more beautifully exposed to anyone than I had to him at that moment. His hands continued to roam, large digits exploring every curve and divet of my form— caressing; taking the time to relish in me as though he’d never have me again.

His hands were excitingly rough, but held the same delicate touch that they had before as one slid up my waist and over my breasts. He squeezed one, and then the other, a gentle fervency in his hold as his lips explored beneath my ear, traveling to the peak of my clavicle.

He trailed lower and lower until he found my nipples, his mouth wrapping around them as he took his time with both, tongue swirling and lapping lightly until he’d been satisfied with the reaction it pulled from me; a soft gasp in the quietness of the night, my fingers digging into his toned back as it contracted under my hands, and my shoulder blades pressed against the bed.

My core grew warmer by the second, and I squirmed just slightly beneath him, unable to get any kind of grip on my need for him. I was a willing victim to the way he worked at me, his lips moving to my rib cage and back up again to meet mine feverishly, as though he’d been teasing himself just as much.

There was no telling how experienced or not he’d been, the thought only briefly crossing my mind as he seemed to bring every ounce of ecstasy out of me with such ease. He almost seemed to know my body better than I did as his fingers found all the right places, his lips kissed all the right spots, assuring us both that I was warmed up beyond the point of simply being ready for what I so desired.  

I hoped he knew that he could have me forever and even longer after as my own hands began to glide down his sides, fingers rising and falling between the ridges of his own torso; the muscles that rippled and flexed beneath my touch growing warmer with each pass.

Finding the bottom half of his under armor, I tugged down on it intently. But getting him undressed seemed like an impossible feat for someone as fragile as myself in comparison.

It was no wonder these Spartans were so well protected.

But John took notice of this right away, his hand reaching down, brushing against mine to help me get him out of the final article that kept any barrier between us.

It was then that I pulled him down against me as much as I could with the height difference, the metal of the tags he wore around his neck now burning my skin in the most delightful way. I inhaled, his natural scent mixed with the soap he used filling my lungs. Concentrating on every sense I could, it was easy to get lost within him.

My lips pressed against the inside of his neck, the stubble of his jaw grazing my cheek as I kissed back along to his mouth. I could feel every single sensation infinitely, every single nerve ending inflamed with a sweet emblazonment I knew only he could offer me for the rest of my time in the universe.

The moment was so intense, so close to the final act of ultimate devotion.

Our problems, our achievements, our standings and otherwise, all fell away once more— even further into the abyss than they had when we’d danced. It was him and I all over again. Every thought was focused on John. Every feeling enveloped in him entirely.

And I didn’t want to close my eyes; to miss any of the reactions he could possibly have to me. But when he held me captive in the euphoria that was his kiss, there was no stopping the way my eyes fell shut.

And so my other senses kicked in, raising goosebumps along my silky skin as his warm tongue made passage into my mouth, grazing against mine in a heated contest of taste.

The heat that radiated in my center only spread; every small movement, every quiet groan between us, building me up further. My fingers drifted down John’s back gently before moving to take his hand. Once our fingers were intertwined, he pinned my palm back down against the comforter, squeezing it in a needy, but gentle way. I returned the energy, knowing exactly how he felt in the depths of my soul.

I lifted my hips to meet his, a soft buck of his own telling me he was just as ready. The friction was more than I could bear as I moaned against his mouth. His large frame shifted over me, repositioning himself as I opened my eyes again. I had to get another look at him. I had to commit him to memory in this moment, just as I hoped he would do with me as his eyes drifted back to mine.

No one had ever made me feel so combustible. No one had ever made me feel so delicate. John’s touch was like electricity, even the slightest brush sending me over the moon a million times as though it was a direct connection to my dopamine supply.

And then, after all of the anticipation, after the moment had been finessed to the point of no return…

I finally felt him…

as close to me as humanly possible, as bonded to each other as we might ever be in any way.

It was as though the entire universe had fallen apart just to accommodate us; the feeling of my life flashing before my eyes, but in the sweetest, most exhilarating way possible. I was inexplicably lost and found in the same second, a blissful reality I never wanted to leave.

My head spun as I felt John sink into me, evoking an immediate  exhale from the very depths of my lungs, followed by a moan I tried my best to suppress in the silence. The largeness of his length shouldn’t have been a surprise, but the feeling was delectably satisfying, impressive, as he pushed into my slick walls.

It was the groan that escaped him that rang in my ears like music— the most beautiful music I’d ever experienced. Never had I heard someone sound so laced with desire and yet, somehow, relief. As though this was the only thing that he’d ever really needed in his entire life, and now it was all his.

He pulled his hips back slowly, his jaw was tight as he hovered over me. His searching gaze never left my face, treating me as though I were the most important mission in the galaxy, something to be sure of; something he had to assure himself of; to know I was okay and taken care of above all else.

My mouth was slightly agape as I held his stare the best I could, my arms reaching to lock around the back of his neck. Pulling him down as close to me as possible, I never wanted to lose him. I would simply lose myself if I came close.

The thought would’ve scared me senseless in any other moment. But I was too far gone to think about how easy losing each other actually could be.

John sunk himself into me once more, deeper this time, with a bit more fervency. My body reacted before my mind could catch up, my back arching, chest lifting upwards. Another soft moan fell from my lips. If I could’ve been any closer to him, I would’ve been.

I needed John like I needed air.

“Oh, John…” I murmured against his open mouth as he leaned in to kiss me, my leg moving to hook around his.

He leaned up just a bit more to gain better purchase, beginning to thrust then. He was slow and calculated, his hand on my thigh to pull me closer as I held my leg around him. I bit into my own lower lip, tugging on it in another attempt at keeping quiet as he carried on. His stare burned right through me, intense and full of a love I’d never seen in anyone’s eyes before— no less staring back into mine.

My breathing seemed to escape me, his own chest beginning to heave. And every time he buried himself between my thighs, my heart felt as though it might stop. Needy fingertips found any flesh they could then, gripping onto him, nails running along his body as I became plagued with the urge to touch, to be touched; to encourage every movement he so beautifully made into me and against me.

The pleasure was so immense, the connection between us so extraordinary, that as we found ourselves irrevocably entangled within one another, my eyes seemed to grow wet on their own. There was no situation I’d ever been in before in my life that felt as striking and deep.. as perfect as this. I was awash with an emotion that, for once, even I wasn’t sure how to navigate.

John’s voice was a gentle growl in my ear as he leaned closer again, his pleasure deriving from me, all me, only me, as he bit into my neck. It was gentle, yet full of haste, my only response being a moan and a show of just what my nails could do to his solid back before wrapping around his broad shoulders.

Though the moment was full of sensuality, vulnerability and broken down walls, I’d never felt more safe.

My hips began to meet his, the blissful friction within my walls radiating wave after wave in all the right places. I was already hot to the touch with him, easily aroused and even easier to get to the finish line. No matter how badly I wanted the moment to last, it was impossible to keep the pleasure at bay. The way he picked up his movements just fractionally so, I got the sense that he was in the same situation.

The minutes felt like hours in the most sublime way as they passed by; as I fought to keep time stretched forever. But when John shifted, his taut member caressing already sensitive spots within me, I felt my control leave. My chest rose and fell, hands exploring his now hot flesh. His hand reached behind my head, and his fingers tangling in my hair with an instinctual ease that didn’t surprise me as he pulled at my roots lightly.

While I reacted to his pleasure, he reacted right back, acting accordingly to my every dead give away. My release was right around the corner, and as I felt the way he thrusted into me just a little harder; just a little quicker, I knew we were on the same track to beautiful oblivion.

His soft grunts mixed with my quiet moans, both of us becoming just a little louder, no matter how badly I wanted to cry out for him. My walls tightened around his throbbing shaft, my swollen bud spiking each time his hips rubbed against mine. The stars seemed to cast their shine a bit brighter over us as he held my gaze, his light eyes burning through me. There was a romance to the moment that I immediately knew I’d never have again.

Not with anyone else, anyway.

The inside of my thighs were coated with my arousal for him, his ease of gliding in and out sending me straight to the heavens. I finally cursed, gasping as I reached out for him again, taking what was mine and claiming it. There was nothing I ever wanted more than to feel every last inch of him, than to have his strong build smother me in the affection he so willingly offered with no sight of being released from it. And when I felt his body tense, his thrusts grow sloppier, more animalistic, carnal, I lost all control I had left just as he did.

When my name fell from his lips like a prayer, I’d never felt more idolized. I only hoped he felt the same as I returned the sentiment, his name leaving a sweet taste in my mouth each time I murmured it back to him.

My mind drew a blank as the knot in my stomach finally pulled free. There was nothing driving me any further other than John and the way he so spectacularly sent wave after wave of ecstasy coursing from my core outward, the sensation washing over every limb as goosebumps rose on my flesh and my breath left my lungs.

My walls drew him in with a euphoric ease, craving him all on my own, the wetness I’d already felt between us only growing as he continued to push through his climax. I rolled my hips beneath him, suddenly shifting into wanting nothing other than to satisfy him just as much as I was being satisfied, to heighten every sizzling nerve ending that connected within him.

His voice was a velvety rasp, his brow furrowing. His breath was hot against my skin as he leaned back down, his lips brushing against my own, suffocating me beautifully with the love we held so deeply and vulnerably for each other. His mouth moved downward, kissing and nipping at my jaw, my neck, as my frame moved with his.

I cursed happily, my voice a saccharine moan. Unable to catch my breath, my body trembled slightly beneath him as I felt another point of pressure building once more. I wondered just briefly if he could handle it to continue, but without much more time to think, I slid back into another peak, my back arching at the pleasurably painful overstimulation. Even if we’d truly been alone, the entire universe might’ve heard the way I wanted to scream, anyway.

My voice was louder this time, though probably still quite quiet in the grand scheme. His eyes met mine again, and I could see the satisfaction written all over his features as he absorbed every ounce of emotion and ecstasy I showed him— that he caused me.

While I wanted to grip onto the comforter, I couldn’t bear the idea of my hands leaving him. I couldn’t tolerate even thinking about being disconnected from his person. And as I rode out my second climax, my walls gripped his length relentlessly, no doubt over stimulating him right back. But he carried on, the look in his eye needing to satisfy me, needing to allow me any pleasure he could, deriving his own pleasure from it.

If I could collect a thought or two, I’d blame the stamina on being a Spartan.

The feeling was blissful as it sizzled into a slow burn, its radiant spread through my veins and under my skin retracting back to my entrance once more like molasses. I was still thoughtless, and John was still very much focused on the task at hand as he slowed to a stop. We were both breathless, entangled within one another as though parting might destroy us and all that we were.

He pulled himself from between my thighs carefully, almost reluctantly so. While the eye contact was still intense, there was something softer about it. Something warm, and sweet. It was as though we were both being dipped back into the world we were in, unhurriedly, deliciously, together. Something had changed, wonderfully so. Where I’d certainly felt like we were two halves of a whole, I now felt like there were no longer any halves at all.

We had simply meshed into one.

Thoughts began to ease their way back into my mind, though hazily so. And I could see the coherence return to him as he caught his breath— much easier than I. It was when a hint of a smirk touched his lips, that I felt myself smile in return.

I allowed my hands to drift from his jaw, down his biceps, dancing lazily over his muscles, absently in awe of what had just happened. I never wanted to move from the spot we were in. I wanted to relive it over and over until we were both spent— and then I wanted to relive it again.

After another beat, John scooped me up into his large arms, pulling me close with him as he laid on his side. We faced each other, his arm draped over me, both of us still coming down from the highs we stunningly inflicted on each other. The minutes felt timeless all over again as we savored what remained, not another word between us.

My eyes fluttered shut just briefly as his hand reached up to brush a few strands of -what I was sure to be matted, now- hair from my face. But as he began to smile, really smile, I felt my heart leap in a million different styles behind my rib cage.

I wasn’t sure I’d seen a full blown smile from him before. It was dazzling, completely infectious. It felt like a secret, or like some kind of hidden talent that the rest of the world was forbidden to see. I smiled in return, and he leaned in to kiss my forehead, the tenderness I was beginning to enjoy shining through.

“I’ll protect you with my life,” he murmured, his expression solemn again.

Be it that his life’s mission was to protect, to potentially die for his objective, or that the seriousness in his tone was unlike anything else I’d heard him say, that sentiment felt even heavier than the ‘I love you’ we shared before our rendezvous. I nodded ever so slightly, my hand reaching up to rest atop his as he held it on the side of my head. I squeezed his hand gently.

“I would die for you,” I expressed softly in return, my tone just as heavy, just as sincere.

And I meant it.

I really did.

-x-x-x-

Tags: @allthelovefromstylesxx, @grimistangel, @guiltgoldglory, @laurenstacy610​ 

thank you guys so much as always!! it means a lot that you look forward to my lil story! ♡

[ghostatas]

BENITO CHARACTER ANYLISIS THING BUT ITS NOT THAT GOOD JUST ALL MY THOUGHTS

FUCK SLEEPING I HAVE TOO MUCH ENERGY AMD THOUGHTS FOR THAT RN. ILL PROBABLY DO LUCIE NEXT IDK.

Can I just start this off by saying how good Quackity is at portraying a character and a storyline? We've seen it since dsmp, then qsmp now opq. He is just so good at it like, props to him.

Now into the juicy stuff. When we are first introduces to benito, he is kinda unlikeable. He is arrogant and cynical, thinks of himself as simply better than others. He says he will choose a soldier over a kid to save himself, and scolded the others for not being honest when they hadn't even answered yet (he was so wrong about himself). He held himself up to a standard and in very high regard.

He is constantly butting heads with Jeffrey, calling him pizza boy like he's demoting him in a way, comparing their statuses as he likes to point out he is a doctor all the time. He divides them. He is above them. Jeffrey is the lowest of the low, and he will never lower himself to that position. Yet at the end of the first episode, he doesn't want Jeffrey to die. He, despite what he says and how he justifies it and calls it research, wanted Amy (Emmi? I'll stick with Amy for now) to live. It was obvious the vials were a cure of some sort, and the papers described how it worked. He didn't need to experiment, but he wanted to save her regardless. He just didn't want to acknowledge it.

He starts to rely on the people around him. Its probably the first time he's done that. He most likely grew up in an unstable, dangerous position, which caused him to grow up into an ambitious, selfish person who didn't hesitate to step on others; or he would be the one stepped on. But now he is in a dangerous position again, however the people around him are actively trying to help eachother and supporting eachother. Benito is not used to this, and doesn't really know how to react, hence all the name calling and acting like his typical arrogant self.  He will, however, eventually think about saving their group, not just himself. He still very much distrusts others (Mikhail, Carla, though those two DEFINATLEY fukin deserved it, I'm totally still not mad about them), but he trusts the people in their circle. His people.

Enter episode 2. Benito wants mikhail DEAD, he will not trust a liar twice. But he's their only source of info, so he goes along reluctantly. Lucie dies.

Lucie dies trying to save Amy. He DESPISES Carla for trying to sabotage Amy. Not only because she tried to kill a kid, but that in turn also gave Lucie a harder time escaping. Benito says he helps Amy after that out of spite. I think it might be a part of it- a few hours won't change his entire personality- but only a part. He cares about Amy. Maybe it's because she's being forced to grow up in a world that wants to kill her all of a sudden. Maybe because she looks pitiful calling our for her dad even though she knows he's dead. Maybe it's because she reminds him of himself, ina way; just a massive ball of spite and anger and determination, all muddled up together. Who knows? What's definite though is that Lucie gave her life to protect this dumb, idiotic child, and letting the kid die would tarnish her legacy. (And isn't that a funny word, one we know Quackity likes).

Amy is Benitos priority. Whenever they're in danger, he's the first to remember her and immediately says "I'm taking her with me". Lets be real, i think we all agree that Carla was an ass for trying to kill her (we got attached to Amy too quickly it happens ik) and Benito was having none of her shit. Benito was trying to save all of them, in his own way. Because he cared, in his own fucked up spiteful way. He wants them safe, because he knows in this unknown world that suddenly got a lot more dangerous and scary, he has people that will care for and protect him and eachother.

When they all escape, benito feels like he has a purpose now. He wants to help people, or at least his family (cuz that's what they are now). He wants to properly learn medicine so he can better help those he cares about (and he cares so, so much). Maybe if he knew how to treat people better, Lucies leg would've been more healed and she couldvr run faster. Maybe they had an easier time escaping. But it's all in the past now, there's no changing that. He can only look to the future, no thinking of what ifs.

For Lucie. For Amy. For himself. For his family. (He'll continue to deny it though, cuz he's an ass. We love him for it.)

If other people want to share stuff or deny shit I say I'm all for it I just need these thoughts OUT, no matter how incoherent they are. Might do some art later too if I can be bothered :D

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I am just a random nobody online, but I really want to let you know that you are not alone. Please never think not even unconsciously that you're not enough or deserving to ask for or receive the help you need to receive. You totally are enough and you will receive it too. Maybe it won't be from the people you are interacting with now but don't give up on hopes and on searching for help even somewhere else, and keep asking for it too, even more than once if you think it can be necessary: at times people (even the ones around us the most) cannot really hear our call, so instead of closing off when we feel unheard we can ask again and be even more clear about our needs, maybe wording them differently and giving them (and our fears/anxieties) the right importance like even just saying "I'd really need a hug right now: please, can I get one from you?". Keep voicing your needs with no fear of being judged. Let yourself be vulnerable in front of those you feel like it's okay to. In the end someone will answer and fulfill your needs, even just partially (to start with).

Honestly I am not a doctor or a professional figure in any sense so I cannot really give you answers or proper solutions or prescriptions (these should be done on you specifically), but I hope you can at least feel a bit of comfort and understanding in these words. It's really heavy and painful to go through bad stuff, especially when they seem to keep coming and never stop: the trauma mount that these create really feels too much to bear with, especially if you feel alone fighting against it all and trying to survive to the escalade/dismantling of it; all that can really play with your nerves and cause deep emotional imbalance and stress that shows in your body too, since mind and body are heavily connected. Try to listen to your body when this happens: I think it wants you to find outlets for that huge amount of energy that anxiety and stress may be causing you to store within yourself when you spiral/overthink/overstress (it may be a reason why you may esperience a burning feeling or may even tremble or breathe heavily or even stomachaches or shoulders/back tension: your body is trying to respond to your mind's impulses and give you signs about them/help you let things out/survive).

Idk if you already know of and/or have tried any technique to distract/"ease" yourself when you start spiralling (so to gain again a little control over yourself and to process your anxiety in a different way: eg. *alternate* nose breathing, 5 things focus or walking back and forth in a room alone or in nature, talking to yourself out loud -not inner talking- or singing, yawning/drinking, moving your eyes in the 4 directions -slowly-, hugging/touching your legs/body or anything comfy for as much as you need while you hyperventilate -if you reach that point- until it feels better, journaling, yoga...), but I hope you keep taking care of you as you can, and do anything that helps you to feel less stressed and get the lowest amount of external negative/overwhelming inputs (eg. not staying much online/looking at the news, trying to get away from other's people problems at least for a little; maybe you can try doing other things that can help you relax all your senses as well or focus on another sense instead of eg. sight to "calm" it, like listening to calming music with your eyes closed).

Keep taking as many breaks as you need and go slow. Do not feel guilty for not doing much. Try to not rush anything as the need to get away from/push away something, even a feeling, "asap" will just make it more present/important and everything may get worse (at least in my personal experience it was so, I cannot tell without a doubt about you ofc). It's almost impossible to not do that at times, I know, but with patience and time, and talking with yourself as if you were a scared child reminding yourself you're still safe despite the very overwhelming feeling and finding ways to stay present like touching solid stuff around you/feeling the ground/holding something near your stomach, you'll be able to (again it worked for me, not sure for you as we're all different). I also hope you'll soon find the right people able to really help you as you deserve and that can give you the right suggestions and support. Please, do not give up! I am cheering for you<3

[actualbird]

what is your ranking of all the main event stories we have received so far? (as in sott, enduring light, skadi etc)

OHHHH THIS IS A FUN QUESTION, THANK YOU ANON!!! let me go from my highest to lowest.

for this question, im taking "main event stories" to mean the Big 4 SSR Events where the event story involves the entire team all at once (so no xmas events or sotn, or solo or duo events). and i will be judging these events primarily on their event story (so not as much as the gameplay, though thatll also be a factor. but i wont be judging the cards)

OH DANG WHY DID I EXPLAIN IT, THE TOT WIKI DOES A MUCH BETTER JOB AT DEFINING BIG 4 SSR EVENTS, HERE, THIS IS WHAT IM JUDGING

anyhoo, here is my personal ranking!

FIRST PLACE: Mysteries of the Lost Gold

my beloved, my favorite, my perfect shining star. lost gold was the first big event i played and it has yet to be dethroned as my favorite event story of all of tot. absolute homerun of a rich story with intrigue, high stakes, a good balance of tender moments and lighthearted ones, and just SO gripping in terms of all of the story threads coming together, plus the absolutely A+ nxx team interactions. my advice to every new player who comes into my inbox is "PLAY THE LOST GOLD DLC" because i love it so much. i will never shut up about how i love it so much. it has our very first raven!luke sighting. it has marius nearly getting stabbed. it has artem with gun. it has vyn doing that THING with the bow and arrow. LIKE. THIS EVENT IS PERFECT TO ME. it'll take something really really special to dethrone it.

SECOND PLACE: Enduring Light

this isnt recency bias speaking but my real honest thoughts: this story delighted me to no end. i was kept on the edge my seat for every single phase, and the sheer novelty of the story's setup and the gameplay was such a nice change of pace after the previous event formats started to get repetetive. i especially loved that this time, we had to suspect the nxx boys as well because that really added to my enjoyment of this event. it really felt like a mystery that had to be solved by us, and not just a mystery that will unravel by itself as long as we keep playing, if that makes sense? my point is i was immensely immersed in enduring light and i love it lots lots lots. luke looking stupendously hot in his outfit during the entire event was also a huge plus.

THIRD PLACE: a tie between Blizzardous Threads of Red & Mystery of Bakerlon

i really loved BTR and bakerlon!!! both of their murder cases were adequately thrilling for me, though towards the end i could feel the adrenaline wearing off, if that makes sense? like by the 4th phase, things were slotting together already in a way that like lowered the feeling of intrigue. also i know i said i wouldnt judge much based on gameplay, but these two deserve a shoutout for MINIGAMES I WANT TO KILL W MY BARE HANDS. bakerlon's crystal tasks were so repetetive to me, and BTR's TIMED ESCAPE ROOM THINGIES heightened my blood pressure several times HAHA

FOURTH PLACE: To My Beloved: Moonlit Eve (anniv 2)

this has a soft spot in my heart for including all of the old NPCs from main story, and that was very heartwarming. while theres no mystery that needs solving, just seeing the team hang out together and have fun together was such a treat for my soul

FIFTH PLACE: Secrets of the Tomb

sott is where i'd say the event story quality is inching towards the meh scale. the mystery here was interesting but was not particularly gripping to me. it might just be a me thing, but i enjoyed the side stories (the ones you get with the boys when you investigate the artefacts) more than the actual event story itself.

SIXTH PLACE: A Love Poem to Skadi

ahhhhh skadi. psychological and medical malpractice horrors skadi.....HJSVKHSJDFDSF. i will admit, the mystery in this story is HORRIFIC and it was enjoyable to unravel it, but here is where i break my rule again of not talking about gameplay but mAAAAAAN THE GAMEPLAY HINDERED MY ENJOYMENT OF THE MAIN PLOT LOTS. it was rather difficult for me to do all the exploration in that manor and that stalled my absorption of the story too. plus, i think the fact that the story is Over made the story have a bit of a muted quality to it. not in a bad way (i distinctly remember i wrote a semi-analysis post about how i enjoyed that the story was in the Past) but it definitely affected the mood of the gameplay, if that makes sense?

(that is the third time ive said "if that makes sense" in this response, THREE STRIKES AND YER OOOOOUT)

SEVENTH PLACE: Blissful Fete (anniv 1)

be honest with me.....do YOU remember the event story plot of blissful fete? cuz i sure dont. JVSKDHFSJDHSF. i only remember getting very very mad at luke during that fucking minigame where we guess if the card is higher or lower. that being said, if i cant even remember much of the story, then it didnt make an impact on me and couldve been improved.

so thats my ranking! thank u for the ask :D

[caitmeetsworldsstuff]

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲,

Being in a relationship with Mickey Milkovich has been a wild ride, to say the least. I never thought someone like him would end up being the love of my life, but here we are. Our story is far from conventional, but it's our story, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Our journey to being together was anything but smooth. We grew up on opposite sides of the tracks, with Mickey being the tough-as-nails, no-nonsense guy from the South Side, and me being the Gallagher who always seemed to be searching for something more. Our paths crossed countless times, filled with tension and fiery arguments, but deep down, there was an unspoken connection that neither of us could deny.

It was during one of our most turbulent moments that everything changed. In the midst of chaos and danger, we found solace and comfort in each other's arms. In that moment, our hearts finally aligned, and we realized that the love we had for each other was undeniable. It wasn't the fairy tale romance that you read about in books, but it was real, raw, and passionate.

Our relationship has been a rollercoaster of emotions, filled with ups and downs, fights and reconciliations. We've faced obstacles that would have torn most couples apart, but somehow, we always found our way back to each other. Mickey's loyalty and unwavering support have been my rock, even when I didn't deserve it. He's seen me at my lowest points and loved me through it all.

But what truly sets Mickey apart is the way he loves me. It's a love that's fiercely protective, yet tender and genuine. He knows me better than anyone else, and he accepts every part of me, even the broken pieces. Mickey has seen the darkest corners of my soul and still chooses to stay, reminding me that I am worthy of love and happiness.

So, to anyone who questions whether Ian Gallagher truly loves Mickey Milkovich, let me make it clear: I love him with every fiber of my being. He's my anchor, my partner in crime, and the person who makes my heart feel whole. Our journey may be unconventional, but our love is undeniable. Mickey, you are my everything. Gallavich Forever <3

𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝓘𝓪𝓷 𝓒𝓵𝓪𝔂𝓽𝓸𝓷 𝓖𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓰𝓱𝓮𝓻

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags: @milky-m-milky @gallavichgeek

[its-chelisey-stuff]

well, nobody dumps trauma on the younger counterparts of main leads like this writer. In retrospective, I should've known who was the evil mastermind behind it lol

I am conflicted about their specific trauma, but I am enamored with the characters and want to protect them so badly. I find their story so tragic and I'm so sad that the happy ending will belong to the older protagonists and not the young ones, because damn, they didn't have enough laughter and love around them. When will these young actors not deal with such heavy storylines?? So unfair.

Drama portrays so well the fact that trauma works in such different ways for people and how we show it. The first thing we notice about this guy is that he's quiet, reserved, stoic and very dedicated at school. The first thing we know about him is that nothing comes for free, as he uses every opportunity to get money and just before we think he loves money and dreams of getting out this town and this provincial life blah blah, we find out the truth and that all the money is for him to get away from his abusive ass of a father who beats him everyday. Ugh. My jaw dropped to the floor, I swear. I was shocked. I HATE HATE HATE this so much. You have to be an insect of the lowest kind, utterly disgusting, if you hit your children. People like that shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

But then, right after this, literally the next scene, we find out her father also beats her and I swear to God I was screaming and pulling my hair because whyyyy ???poor children. They do not deserve this. Their house is the place where they should feel the safest, not the place where they walk on eggshells and are afraid of even making a noise. Their parents should be the people who make them feel the safest, not the ones who make their nightmares come true. This right here is something I hate seeing represented in media, so watching it was pretty difficult for me. In fact, I'd advise people who are triggered by this to skip scenes or the entire episode, because the domestic abuse scenes were pretty realistic. And so loud.

But trauma for our young female lead it's different. She tries to escape from it and leave it at her house, and so she is bright, happy and over-the-top silly teen at school. She tries to enjoy, even if it's a facade. Because this is her way to cope. And her music.

I loved how he tried to reassure her and calm her down. Even if they haven't been friends for so long, he already knows her and understands her in a way no one else does. He's such a kind and selfless soul, despite everything and no matter if he's the second or main lead (more on that later), I'm rooting for him to live happily.

I really wanted for them to get away together, and live in Seoul, being adopted by her idol and brand new CEO. I wanted them to grow up together and happy, but I knew exactly where this was going, not only because of the premise and the writer, but also because this is dramaland. So when he told her they had to run away, I knew they wouldn't make it.

We are presented with a dilemma of who is the endgame here, but right now I don't care that much. I only want for this girl to live her life and finally achieve her dream of meeting her idol and be a singer. Still, we must acknowledge the elephant in the room and I've seen second male lead has glasses, so that's either the drama telling us the answer OR trying to confuse us. I find that I'm okay if he is the young kid who bravely stood up to her violent father just so he could give her time to escape.

But my money is on my human golden retriever. Aww, it's such a sight for sore eyes to see Chae JongHyeop in a main role again after almost a year and a half. He was amazing in Love All Play.

So yes, this is the writer of Start Up (does anyone else get PTSD from how toxic the fandom was back then? No? just me?) so we know she's gonna make it a point to drag this love triangle for a while. But this is also the writer of Pinocchio, While you were Sleeping and I hear Your Voice (my personal favorite), so *fingers crossed*

[anamericangirl]

Hey there, I have a question.

First off, I used to self h«rm a lot and attempted suic!de multiple times. When I finally decided to talk to the social worker at my very Christian school, the first and only thing she told me was that what I did was a sin, and that I had no right to do it, since my body only belongs to God. Don’t get me wrong, I’m Christian too, but what she told me really damaged my faith. When I told her that I am bisexual (that wasn’t the main topic, it just came up), she told me that for that, I deserve to be kille?, and that it would’ve been better if my attempts had succeeded.

I tried dot educate myself on the topic of suic¿de in the Bible, but I couldn’t really keep doing that since it only triggered me and I couldn’t keep doing it. But I feel like you really know about the Bible, and so I wanted to ask what you know about that topic.

If you don’t want to answer this, that’s completely fine, I can understand it‘s a sensible topic.

Have a beautiful day, you deserve the best.

Wow, I'm so sorry you've had such serious struggles and the social worker would tell you such things. Some people really shouldn't be put in positions where they are supposed to be a trusted source of advice and counsel and she sounds like one of those people. Those are incredibly damaging things to say to someone who was in the very vulnerable state you were in. I'm glad you were able to keep your faith in God and made attempts to study the issue yourself even though you had an experience that understandably made both those things more difficult. Like if she actually told you it would have been better if your suicide attempts were successful that's very suicide baity and I hope she's not still in that position.

I'm very honored you feel like I know the Bible pretty well. I have been studying it more in depth this past year or two so I definitely know more than I used to but there's still a lot for me to learn!

The Bible doesn't explicitly address suicide and say not to do it, but we can get a very solid understanding of what God thinks about it by reading and studying his word. We know that God is the creator and he has given us the gift of life. And he makes it clear in the Bible that all life is unique and precious to him and he does not want us to take it upon ourselves to end our own lives.

There six or seven people mentioned in the Bible who committed suicide and several more who had suicidal thoughts but overcame them by putting their hope in God. Elijah, Solomon, Jonah, Job, even Paul all hit the point where they wanted to give up on life and some even asking God to end them, but instead of going through with these desires, they ended up putting their trust and faith in God and he pulled them through, which is what he wants us to do whenever we have to the point where we are in so much despair the only things we can think of to distract ourselves or end our troubles is self harm and suicide. In Acts 16 Paul even explicitly stops a prison guard who was about to kill himself after thinking a bunch of prisoners had escaped and tells him not to kill himself.

There are many verses in the Bible about coming to God when we feel at our lowest.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." - Psalms 55:22

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." - Romans 8:1-2

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." - Psalms 34:18-19

Those are by no means all the verses, but it is a small sampling that shows that God wants us to come to him with our despair, sorrow and grief so he can give us healing and hope again.

Speaking theologically, suicide would be a considered a sin. It goes against God's commandments and disrespects the gift of life he has given and disrespects the fact that God is the giver and taker of life. Life is not ours to take. Not from another person and not from ourselves. God created us special. In 1 Corinthians it says “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” This pertains to far more than suicide, but suicide is definitely a way to disrespect our own body.

God does tell us not to commit murder and suicide is technically self-murder. So while suicide is a sin, it's not unforgivable and it's not something you deserve for anything else you do or are struggling with and it's completely unbiblical for anyone to say you should be killed or your suicide attempts should have been successful.

I am very glad you made attempts to study for yourself instead of just accepting what that woman told you and I hope you have found healing and I hope I was able to provide a somewhat satisfactory answer for you.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope you are doing better and have a wonderful day! God bless!

[hauntinq-6]

So... last night my very first run of BG3 finally came to an end, and... I gotta say I am pretty emotional.

Summer (my Tav) has been with me for six years. I first created her for my first ever D&D campaign back when I was still in high school and I still had the possibility to play. Hers was the only campaign I got to see from start to finish, so she is very dear to my heart.

Many things happened in these six years. I graduated from high school, I played other campaigns that never got to have an ending (don't date your DMs, kids-), I got broken up with my boyfriend, I got into uni, I lost family members, I've had some of my highest highs and lowest lows, I got my first degree in Psychology... And all throughout these years I kept creating characters, I kept addind and removing and modifying and writing and drawing and it was all so much fun!

But I kept missing Summer. I can't quite explain what attracts me so much to her character. If it's the fact I was in a happy place when I first created her and so my emotions and feelings from that time still connect me to her, or if it's specifically because I got to play a whole campaign with her or even because not only I could play with her but my best friend was also along with me for the ride and we had a blast together. Whatever it is, I could never quite be done with her, you know?

One thing was for certain though. After the first two or three years her ending didn't satisfy me anymore. She was still so young, she still had so many questions left unanswered and so much potential. We were thinking of a possible sequel campaign for her and Arwen (my best friend's character and now Tav) but that's when our DM dropped us both. We were left wondering what we could do for them, what we could write and how. We weren't entirely sure which direction to take our characters in.

Then BG3 came out. I remember my timeline being flooded with Astarion edits (that damn song lives rent free in my head at this point), being so utterly confused at what the hell was going on and then slowly becoming intrigued. I remember sitting down with my best friend to watch a mega compilation of all the characters' romance scenes, finding the visuals so damn beautiful, being convinced I would be my usual freak self and go for The Emperor but falling hard for Gale instead. We so desperately wanted to play but neither of us had a PC that was compatible with the game.

Then my long distance friend reached out and told me he wanted to play long distance with me on Discord. It was all incredibly clunky and finicky but Gods I was so happy. He'd be playing from the other side of the country and streaming it for me, and I would pick all the dialogue choices in character. That's when my bestie and I had a eureka moment and thought "what if... what if Summer and Arwen's story wasn't over yet? What if they left Aegis to find new adventures and ended up in Faerun??". I was so fucking excited it is almost unbelievable.

We spent six whole months on this one game file and I enjoyed every. single. second of it. Six whole months of pure excitement and delight. The more I played, the more I tweaked Summer's character and backstory to fit the narration, the more I got inspired to write up the new chapters of her adventure with my best friend and the more I fell in love with her. I laughed, I cried, I launched myself into deep discussions over her character and why she would do or say certain things in each situation. I saw her easily slip back into her avdenturing habits, adoring each moment she got to spend under the stars. I saw her face her demons once again and with even more purpose this time. I saw her make new friends that she would want to spend the rest of her life with, I saw her fall in love with a man that truly deserved to be by her side... My little tiefling sorceress that plays like a barbarian, my pride and joy.

And it all came to and end last night. Her and her allies won the last battle, they saved Baldur's Gate, Gale proposed to her and she moved with him to Waterdeep to spend the rest of their life together. She got her happy ending.

Six whole years with Summer and I can finally consider her story complete. Perhaps she is so important to me because out of all the characters I created, she is the only one that finally got her whole character arc. A beginning and an end. And after all the harsh challenges she faced, after all the dangers and the pain and suffering... she finally got her happy ending. She got what she deserved.

Now, does that mean I am done with Summer? Absolutely not. There is still much to do, much to write and much to draw. I'm gonna have tons of fun thinking up extra little scenarios for her and her friends and what her life in Waterdeep is gonna look like as she finally gets to build a family of her own. But as far as I am concerned... her main story's complete.

And as I listen to Endless Spring and get emotional all over again, I want to thank @wolfhunter89 and @sheeplyquillwrites for coming along with me on this wonderful journey. Summer's story just wouldn't have been the same without you. I love you guys so damn much, even if I never say it. I can't wait to see what's in store for Arwen next. To many more stories and games shared together!

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 13: Episode 8, Pandala's Chichala

A very interesting episode for Joris's characterization, and the question of how much we can even trust Kerubim's stories.

On one hand this thing really is impressive, on but on the other... Simone will be so mad when the giant sexy card sculpture falls apart, and she has to clean this up.

(Guy who reads into this show as if it were the bible voice) Do you think Joris is frustrated that he, as a 7yo boy has to do so much around the home? Do you think he has to answer the door a lot? Did Joris ever try to clean the dishes himself before Simone came around and fixed their home for them, — and if so, did Luis or Kerubim reprimand him for trying to make things better? Or did they not care? No wonder that in the movie, he says that Kerubim is a wreck and that their home is a prison, and that he h— [I am forcefully dragged away from the microphone and sedated]

Yay use your son for word-combat with potential customers.

She deserves better pay, between all the dishes and the cards.

Also, for our obligatory "pointing out food" moment: They are eating fish. That's all.

Kerubim shit parent moment 999: Keeping all the evil potions, poisons, and alcohol on the lowest possible shelf, as god intended 🥰💕

12-14yo Joris, after Kerubim has died and turned into a kitten (hes meowing sadly, unable to stop Joris): I hauve to become an alcoholic. I can't do this shit anymore. Where can I—— THE LOWEST SHELF.

Really, this household is a nightmare, as I've pointed out in the previous episodes.

Joris has definitely, before the show, almost died multiple times (just like he will, yet again, almost die in the future episodes,) due to the random dangerous, poisonous, venomous, sharp and cursed shit Keke leaves lying around in places Joris can reach.

Keke simply saying "no" isn't going to like, fix how bad things are, to me. This is the bare minimum of parenting.

It must hurt, to be treated like a kid all of a sudden — when Kerubim's main parenting tactic in day to day life is "we are Equals, and you are my most important person in the world, and I will tell you aaaall my secrets and gruesome stories (totally not censored because I don't want to traumatize you)."

Probably feels like rejection, or like being gatekept from something that would usually be okay to do (trying something that Papycha was just hyping up a second ago.)

As I've said, his parenting tactic is just... "I trust you sooo much. We are Equals."

Which is good in some ways, but inevitably leads to some heartbreak along the way.

Considering the fact that Kerubim later says that he was looking for ecaflip city to become rich and propose to Lou... Man he can't stop thinking with his cock even on his romantic quest for marriage. 💀

(This is an edit from future me: it is also just as likely that he has been searching for Ecaflip city for most of his life, — and that he started looking for it again, and more actively after deciding to marry Lou. This is the more charitable interpretation.)

One of the not-so-many times in the series that Kerubim is around someone who can call out whenever he's lying.

As I've said, unless there is sufficient reason, one should take the events Kerubim presents as what happened, but, by god do we have a big gran of salt that we need to take into account.

Kerubim's main reasons for lying in this show are, of course: 1. Being embarrassed 2. Censoring things that make him upset. 3. Censoring things that would make Joris uncomfortable, or that are age-inappropriate. All are very understandable, but still make him a very unreliable narrator.

One of the more fascinating micro-character arcs that are present in this show, is Joris's questioning of Kerubim's stories, and beginning to look at him as a person, instead of putting him on a pedestal, as he was doing in the first episodes.

This episode is its beginning. Until now, Joris didn't really know anyone who would question what Kerubim was saying.

Anyway,

There's no fucking way he actually said that. I refuse to believe that.

Aaand one last hit of that "Kerubim Crepin is a LIAR who LIES" weed that drives me insane.

He probably has a lot to think about, regarding his papycha.

Welcome to the club, Joris.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

I know that everyone expects Crowley to be super depressed and suicidal and doing nothing at the start of S3 but like. I really hope they DON'T do that and use this to showcase Growth and some of my favorite things about Book Crowley. He loves life and creation!! He's an optimist! In the book he thinks Aziraphale is dead and the forces of Hell are hunting him and the world is ending but he still chooses to drive to Tadfield without any angelic intervention! He's still going to try! He loves humanity too much to give up on them even at his lowest- thats an essential point to him. And TV Crowley knows they're planning another Apocalypse. I have faith in Crowley. Crossing my fingers that it isn't misplaced because I want to see it.

i agree with you 100% nonnie✨ this is - whether he admits it or not at least in the show - the core of crowley's character and it would be a shame if he were portrayed as otherwise. given that s3 is going to be more in line with what terry and neil had planned for a book sequel, i think we can rest assured that he will be characterised in the way he was in the original book!!!

i mean, it'd be strange if he weren't sad... but i don't want to see it be his only manner of expression. i want rage, and numbness, and single-minded determination to Carry On. i want the hard shell he has around his heart to callous and toughen even further, i want him to be practically impenetrable because that would feel the most authentic reaction to the ep6 scene... and it layered underneath swagger and cockiness and confidence that we have also seen from him, but like a thousand-fold.

i want to see him hate aziraphale, because he doesn't know how else he can tolerate what happened. i know that's possibly controversial, but i do - i want him to see aziraphale as the Enemy to his side, formerly Their Side. i want him to think that aziraphale has fully regressed to the devout angel he used to be, and villify him because he can't reconcile that the image of him he had in his head is the same angel that chose to go back. this isn't to make crowley seem like the bad guy - i want the same reflection from aziraphale, too!

but then out of that i want crowley to take the opportunity to look at why he rejected heaven in that scene, and by extension aziraphale. why does this part of aziraphale, this constant need to do good and do the right thing (by his account) scare him? why did he interpret what aziraphale was saying in the way he did? why does he feel he doesn't need, want, or deserve to help build a better heaven? why does he feel the constant need to run? we have our speculations but im so excited to see his introspection and possibly discover that actually, he's allowed to be angry and hurt, but he's allowed equally to be vulnerable and to heal.

crowley has his own brand of bravery. to my mind, it's not the same bravery as aziraphale's, which despite being a bit jittery and trepidatious, is deep and fervent... crowley's is impulsive and instinctive, afraid to fly but will leap off and dive with little regard for the consequences given a push. aziraphale is usually that push, but i would love to see crowley find it just for himself, because he deserves to fight for himself as well as aziraphale and the rest of humanity✨

[swearyshera]

Reliving this is a trip. I was an interesting feeling the first time thru, and I'm not saying that to humorously downplay a horrific situation. It drew out a little bit of sympathy for Catra I really thought I'd used up by that point, if only cuz what Prime does is really that vile. That's super unusual for me. I went in rooting for Adora to take back someone she cared about, not necessarily cuz it was Catra specifically if you know what I mean, but this got me to want Catra rescued weirdly well. I almost never feel for villains at their nadir like this.

Twisted how empathetic paragon heroes like Adora are among my most treasured characters in fiction, yet I suck at extending the same sympathy they can. You're supposed to see characters like Catra (or Azula or Bakugou or whoever you please) going thru awful things as flawed people with interior lives and subject to exterior circumstances that the heroes are kind/strong/savvy enough to see and incorporate into their responses and my knee jerk is still "fuck off with the pity party, get to the atonement." Or in a lot of cases to laugh while they're down. I always sabotage myself by seeing the author making horrible things happen to the rival/villains, and contrasting them with worse villains, as a cynical tactic to get me and the heroes to sympathize before they've started changing for the better.

It helped that Catra already saved Glimmer at her own peril, and Adora already would've saved Catra no matter what, but still. This is a big reason why villain mind control is one of my least fave tropes. Manipulation and coercion are all good because meaningful agency and responsibility are still there even if characters can't see it, and that is everything in my eyes. To me mind control is the writer hitting pause on a character's growth til a more convenient time in the plot. Or just forever. *cough*🌊🦂🧙‍♂️.

Most of my appreciation for pre-s5 Catra only built up in retrospect through meta-posts and following fanworks like this. So seriously thank you for this series; it's like experiencing the series as it was intended for the first time, weird as that sounds.

You're version of this sequence is as skin-crawling as I think we all could've hoped/feared. Prime is the worst kind of living scum. Great work. Now I can start counting down to the "you miscalculated." scene. Aimee Carrero crushed that line. Can't wait for your version. Positively dancing with anticipation.

It is - at least to me - a really interesting point for Catra to be at, narratively speaking, because it shows the dialectic in her journey. She both did and didn't "bring it upon herself" - yes, she tried to get in Prime's good books, but no, she didn't ask to be chipped. Yes, she saved Glimmer against his instruction, but no, she didn't know the full consequences of what that would do. And when you get people on different sides of the argument, some saying "poor meowmeow didn't deserve this" and others saying, "She's reaping what she's sown", actually they're both right, in this way.

I don't think it would have worked going straight to the atonement, anyway. We don't have these scenes to revel in the depth of her lowest point, we have them to show how bad, how inescapable it was - and then we set up to escape them!

The whole story with Prime has been an interesting writing journey, too. Every time I review the lines, I tweak them to make them that little bit more realistic, that little bit more uncomfortable. I'm painfully aware that we're seeing a lot of similar rhetoric flying around from real people in the media these days (particularly with anti-trans bullshit), and it's no coincidence that Prime is a reflection of this. But my focus isn't on "Oh look, doesn't this character sound like the person trying to destroy our lives", it's on "This character, like the people you've seen on the news, might think they're right but they will never win. They will never defeat us."

Indeed, the Save the Cat books (yes, this episode did remind me of them... It's probably where the name is from) talk about the 'All is Lost' point and the 'Dark Night of the Soul' - this is where we're at right now. It's bad, it's the worst - but it's going to get better.

[vampzxi]

this isn’t anything hateful ,uncomfortable or offensive towards you or your mutuals, I promise…I really feel sick of what’s been going on.

The anonymous button was created for those who have some sorts of anxiety, insecurity or fear of communicating with others. It was created for them to reach out and ask, share, bond and in a way help them grow and regain that confidence that was slight or missing. But now it seems some of you have gained too much confidence in hiding behind that button to disrespect those who give you that opportunity to talk to them. An opportunity you aren’t worthy of.

Too much confidence in stepping out of line and talking mess; it’s one situation to give your opinions and thoughts of something you dislike. It’s a whole other situation to call others names, attacking them based on their decisions, experiences, and lives to which you have no business to! You’re lucky enough for them to even share a piece of themselves with you- and yet you take advantage of it and later on acting as if you’re the victim in this entire mess when YOU’VE started it. They’re strong enough to try and push through the uncomfortable feelings and screw up names and defend themselves because they know their boundaries, their worth. They clap back because it’s what you deserve. Advocating for themselves is never being difficult or acting as a victim. Their feelings are allowed to be expressed, they’re allowed to change their mind, disagree, express discomfort, and not always  be silent or “chill” about everything.

I understand we all have our different opinions on things and it’s good to share it, there is nothing wrong with honesty and expressing but at this point (a long time ago it was a point) it isn’t even that. Opinions are really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding.

The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding. And yet it isn’t that now. It’s threats, harms, names, revealing, nosiness. Major difference between honest expressing and carelessly speaking and doing. Do ya’ll even rethink and reread what it is you’re typing before sending it? Of how that person has a life outside of this app that maybe is already affecting them enough and you come on here with your puterias, feeding your negative and fucked up energy to their minds and hearts, damaging them more? Why would you criticize another human being harshly? Have no decency? Have you ever felt the struggle between good and evil? Do you not have the capacity to keep your mind in your own business?

To shed your judgments on yourself instead of strangers? To learn out of your ignorance and into a place of acceptance and understanding? Do you not know what it's like to feel hated and let it scramble with you? If you did, you wouldn't pass opinions about people that are trying so hard to fight their way out of a personal hell. And then you’re there wondering why that person’s disappeared. It’s sickening and exasperating to see when people are unnecessarily mean. Like, you didn't have to make that comment. You could have just kept your mouth shut and left that person not feeling bad about themselves. What do you gain from making someone else feel like shit? Nothing of substance. Maybe a fleeting moment of power but that's gone as soon as it comes so why? There's enough unhappiness in the world without you adding to it.

This app isn’t- WASN’T for all of this…negativity, all this hatred, harassment, drama, toxicity. It was to escape from the real world for just a few moments, to create new bonds, to meet beautiful people in fandoms you could relate to and have a friendship with, to express yourself. To let others know you. But now, it seems the real world is just seeping through nearly everything and everyone, sharing a single post has everyone attacking you…it’s infuriating. It hurts too- you’re hurting people with your words. It’s disappointing to see what has become. And I'm sure we’re WAY better than all this. I know we’re all human, mistakes, flaws, bad paths we take. It’s normal and there's always going to be something bad and situations like these in life. And I realize that not every situation deserves a reaction, sometimes you just have to leave people to do the dumb shit they do. Sometimes we have to make peace with the fact that we might be the “villain” in someone else’s story even if we’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. We don’t get to tell them how to narrate their experience. But should we really make it a frequent occurrence every damn month? Do you not get annoyed by repeating the same cycle? By repeating the same words yet in a stronger way? Don’t y'all have a life, or have time to check yourselves first before hopping on here and calling someone a bitch? Ungrateful? Butting into someone’s personal life and revealing it? Asking weird uncomfortable questions and more shit that just irritates and hurts others? Grow up, please.

If they do unfollow you, delete, block, and leave— don’t think they’re being childish, petty, a “pussy” or that you’ve “won.”

It means your toxicity is invalid in their lives and they know their worth and appreciate their value. They don’t want any form of contact with that energy you have. They want to move on in peace and not give a damn of what you’re doing, thinking or saying. They have requirements, not expectations.

Don’t like the people on here? Block, delete, unfollow, unfriendly, erase, disconnect, turn off, and leave. Stir up whatever it is you want out of this app. Or if you are going to stick around, do us all a favor and shut up. Keep those thoughts and that energy to yourself…or a therapist. Matter a fact I don’t wish that on a therapist- turn to God. Seriously. He can handle you better than we all can. Don’t like what you read on a writer’s post? Bible- pick that up, work on kindness, respect, and humility. Thanks.

(I believe in you dizzy…all of you🤍)

oh wow. this was definitely a read but this is the sweetest and most realest thing ever ☹️☹️. like my eyes started to sweat☹️. thank you so so much, whoever sent this, REVEAL YOURSELF. SO I CAN KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH!! you have such a beautiful and kind heart, i really needed this. and i’m sure others do too ☹️☹️ thank you so much 🥹🥹 I CANT BREATHE!

tagging people who’ve been getting fuck shit in their inbox, i love you guys. ☹️🫶🏽: @zayswriting @vixentheplanet @marsolgy @verachii @inmyheadimobsessed

[knyplotrewrite]

my thoughts on canon Akaza

(Will have manga spoilers!)

He’s basically perfect. No joke. I can rag on literally everything else about KNY, but when it comes to Akaza and how his characterization was executed in the story? I really cannot find any fault at all, except maybe that he might have been a little too overpowered, but I’ll go over that later.

People love to talk about his backstory as a human, and yeah, it does pretty much encapsulate all the things that made this manga so good in the first place. The beauty of love both familial and romantic, the harsh way it was taken from him simply because of someone else’s jealousy. He wasn’t punished, he was merely unlucky, and his motivation to becoming a Demon completely aligns with how he felt at his lowest point; what point is there to care any more? If he can’t be strong, he doesn’t deserve to love, and be loved in return. The world treats him as a monster, so he might as well lean into those perceptions completely.

But, his actions as a Demon and in the story are handled so well, too. He serves as the formal introduction to the pure power the Upper Moons possess. He causes one of the biggest casualties in the series. The way he explodes into the scene in the manga, or walks out from the mist in the anime, are moments that would be seared into my brain forever, its just so iconic and drastically shifts the tone from the scene prior, where it feels our heroes have won. It’s just so damn good, Mugen Train is already pretty nice already but the way Akaza was dropped in instantly makes this arc one of my favorites, and personally what I think is one of the best in the story (screw RLD and Swordsmith Village, Mugen Train is the best arc and that is a hill I will die on).

Then, there is the follow up in Infinity Fortress. In theory, it’s once again a fucking amazing concept, this idea that Tanjirou would finally avenge Kyojuro after seeing what Akaza had done to him so long ago. In practice? I wouldn’t say it’s poorly done, but it’s like, okay.

This fight is where we actually see how truly powerful Akaza is, however, I always thought he was a bit too powerful for Tanjirou and Giyuu to realistically handle. The two literally can’t find any weakness to exploit because of his compass ability, and it’s not like they were throwing crap around to mess with it either. The way the Anatta state had to be used to defeat him is like so cringe too, because this concept wasn’t ever brought up prior to this battle. It was just thrown in there, and not really touched on afterwards either, except as a way for Akaza to reconsider what he was trying to pursue as a Demon. Would have been better if it was never brought up in the first place.

But yeah, overall, Akaza is fucking fantastic writing-wise. It’s a shame that the series doesn’t handle its other characters as well as it did for him, though.

@lavender-rosa

[thistleandpoppies]

Morpheus stands next to me, his skeletal, snow-white hand that I have kissed more times than there are stars in the sky lingering over our laptop’s keyboard. One click will change the world, for better or for worse. I don’t really know. At this point, I’m not sure I even know myself or him. If I have ever known either of us.

You’re supposed to know who you sleep with. It’s safety 101. Yet, how many one-night stands gone wrong happen every day, everywhere? Right now, someone out there is going on a date with a stranger just to be found later in neatly packed bags in the forest. And do we truly know even those whom we share a bed with night after night for years? In homicide investigations, the main suspect is always the spouse. That’s all you need to know about partnership. About love.

Morpheus and I, we are lovers, but we are also friends, first and foremost.

“Do you still question me?” Morpheus asks, his long finger frozen in less than an inch over the Send button. “Do you still despise my design, Hob Gadling? Despise me?”

I’ve never launched bulk email software, but I would bet my life savings that I can imagine what happens when you send out a newsletter. I also know how many recipients are there on the other side of their screens about to receive Morpheus’ final message.

His dreams are my dreams, after all. So are his nightmares.

“No.” My voice cracks, but I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t. I fucked it up, and, in the end, it cost me everything. It cost me him. “I was wrong, Morpheus. I would give anything to prove myself to you once again. If you ever… If you ever find me deserving again.”

Morpheus hums noncommittally and glances at the screen where thousands of words weave together into a story scarier than the worst of primeval horrors. More powerful than ancient rights, summoning capricious gods or hideous demons. He’s so calm and collected and so certain that I won’t harm him, and this observation is the only thing that brings me a modicum of peace. I won’t harm him or let any harm come his way, that’s for sure. But after everything, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought otherwise.

“You have always loved humanity so much, even at your lowest,” Morpheus points out as if commenting on yearly revenue amid some deathly boring marketing presentation. “Your love… Your unyielding passion for these deceptive creatures has always been beyond my comprehension. Perhaps I will never understand it. Perhaps it is the only thing beyond my station.”

“Morpheus.” I’m not above begging, and I suppose I’d rather start before it’s too late. “Do whatever you think is right. I’ve learned my lesson, I will support you no matter what. All I want is you. And I want you to believe me.”

I also want to take his hand, lead him home, and pretend none of this happened. Pretend we’re not wanted for all the shit we did in the span of the last year. Is it even a long or a short time to fuck up one’s life? Have we been productive?

Morpheus smiles coolly.

“Fear what you wish for, Hob Gadling.” He takes his hand off the keyboard and steps aside. “Do it yourself then. Prove that you choose me above all those millions of people you have never known but claim to love nonetheless.”

I can feel my eyes widening without a double eyelid surgery. This is so easy and so cruel, and so on-brand for Morpheus. The red Send button is there, like the light at the end of the tunnel that turned out to be a high-speed train. Like his ruby brooch that would have looked ridiculous on anyone but him.

“I love you,” I tell him, wondering whether something would have changed for the better if I had only said it more often. We could have been drinking Irish Coffee admiring fjords in Iceland. We could have been lying spread like starfishes in our hotel room somewhere in Sicily, having fried ourselves for the whole day at the beach.

We could have. Yet, we are here now.