#(but it is a feeling of 'So much time has passed I'm not sure it's possible to re capture the feeling of what I produced back then')

[akxmee]

𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐔𝐏 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌//𝘑𝘑𝘒 𝘉𝘖𝘠𝘚

Your relationship was perfect, so why?

Satoru gojo, Toji Fushiguro, Nanami Kento.

𝘚𝘈𝘛𝘖𝘙𝘜 𝘎𝘖𝘑𝘖

: 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐘.

If someone asked Satoru who his first priority was, you would be his answer.

Because that's what sounds right, isn't it? But no, deep inside you were anything but that. Satoru never considered you his top priority even though you were his girlfriend, the world was above you. Don't get him wrong; it's not like he didn't love you, it was just that his responsability as the strongest came first.

And you knew it.

You knew he would never choose you over his work, as much as he claimed that he was bored of it or how many times he slacked out of it. It was something he was chained to and he wasn't even aware of it, but you were.

So naturally, this was the main factor you two didn't really work. That's the reason you were driving your car right now, clutching on the steering wheel while being on your phone with Satoru.

—So you're literally telling me to go back right now?

—Yeah, sorry babe. I'll make it u-

—Don't you dare say you'll make it up to me, Satoru. It's our fucking anniversary, and you're going to miss it again?

Silence filled the air, you didn't hear a reply coming from your phone. You knew you hit a nerve there, because he did miss your anniversary last year too for the same fucking reason: some stupid, dammed mission that wasn't even that important. You heard a sigh, and he talked again in a softer voice.

—Y/N, you know this is my duty as the strongest..

—This is also your duty as a boyfriend, or did you forget?

—Please babe, you know the world needs me right now the most.

—I need you too, Toru.

It came out of you in a tone needier than I should be, you were desperate at this point. You had planned everything so nice for your three years anniversary; your cute elegant outfit that matched the blue of his eyes in such a sotisficate way, the place where you two would have dinner since you wanted to make it perfect..hell, you even planned to be the one picking him up since it was all a surprise! All he had to do is put a damn suit and spend the day with you, and he wasn't able to do that because of some guard thing. He has his right to be busy, yeah, but isn't he always? You would even understand if it was something urgent like a major threat curse, but it was some casual guard around Shibuya.

—I know you do, honey. I understand, but..

—But the world is more important, isn't it?

He kept silence, and then you knew again.

It has always been, so where's the surprise? You should've known better.

—I'm so, so sorry. I'll try to make time for next week, maybe?

—We make three years tonight, not next week.

—I know, i'm sorry.

—You're always sorry, Satoru! But you never show it. You were sorry last year too, and you're just going to do It again!

At this point your whole makeup was ruined by tears, but you still kept your cool as far as you could. You even managed to park your car at some parking lot you found on your way since driving while being distracted was pretty dangerous, and your blurry vision could mess you up while being on the road.

He sighed once again.

—Y/N, let's just talk it out. I'm sure we can agree on som-

—No, Satoru. I won't humiliate myself once again trying to make it work out all by myself. This is it; me or that mission of yours. You choose me, i let it pass and pick you up from whenever you go to get to our anniversary date.

You take a deep breath before continuing.

—You choose the mission, you don't call me again expecting another date. You don't even dare to call me again because i will block you, we're just done.

An uncomfortable silence appears, you can feel the tension even if it's just by the phone.

On the other line, Satoru bites his lip thinking what he should even do. He thinks and thinks, considering wether he should choose. The world was his responsability, but so was his relationship with you too. He knew how much you suffered everytime he left for a long period of time, and he didn't wish for you to suffer because of him and his work again. However his duty was also important, being the strongest and all. This job had him tied up and he couldn't leave it for you even if he desired so.

But as hard as this decision was, he had to make it.

So he finally chose.

—Okay, princess. I'm at shibuya's station, come and pick me up please?

He smiled sweetly at his phone.

Yeah, he did the right thing. You were worth the sacrifice and he knew you would be happy to hear it.

So, why weren't you replying?

Fuck.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP..

He tried to call you again, and again, and again.

You had blocked him by then.

𝘛𝘖𝘑𝘐 𝘍𝘜𝘚𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘜𝘙𝘖:

𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐅𝐄.

It all started by small mistakes, like this morning when you approached him while he was cooking. You hugged him from behind as he cooked breakfast for you and your little Megumi, who you loved as if he was your biological son.

—Hey hon. What are you making?

He looked at you over his shoulder, leaning in a bit and kissing your temple as a greeting before replying.

—Your favorite, scrambled eggs.

You paused for a second, wondering if you heard right.

—Sorry, what?

He looked at you weird as if he didn't understand where your confusion came from before repeating.

—Scrambled eggs.

—That's not mom's favorite, dad! I know it, she prefers them fried.

You hear Megumi from the kitchen table, and he inmediately smiles at you when he feels you look at him as he was proud of his answer. You nod your head at the kid.

—That's right sweetie. Mom's glad you remembered, unlike someone I know...

You joked, emphasizing the "someone" in your sentence. Megumi laughed and so did you.

However, he didn't laugh.

Instead, he simply put the scrambled eggs in his plate and put a new egg on the frying pan.

—Well, then fried eggs it is.

You thought nothing of it back then, until later on you found out a photo of toji and his ex wife having breakfast on a restaurant while you were looking for a shirt to borrow in his drawer. You looked at it closely, so close that you even looked at what they were having out of pure curiosity. Want to know what was in her plate? Scrambled eggs.

Now, the confusion had more sense.

It wasn't a mistake, he just did it again.

Once again, he reflected his wife in you.

This has happened more than once, him pretending you were his late wife just because he missed her. At first you didn't mind, he was getting used to the married life and having another wife after losing his last one was hard enough for you to understand it and let it pass.

However, as time passed by it became more frequent.

From him simply calling you nicknames like "Love" instead of "doll" or mistaking your clothes size with hers to things like confusing your hobbies, favorite movies and memories with hers. He recalled moments you didn't even spend with him that you later on figured that were with his ex wife, and Megumi was the one that usually had to correct him when he did so.

It was tiring, and it was driving you insane.

It made you insecure knowing that every time he saw you, his mind reflected the image of his deceased wife in his eyes. How many times have you thought about her while he held your hand, while he kissed you or while he held you? To him, were you Y/N or were you someone who really resembled her? He liked you because you were you, or because she was like you too? You didn't know, and you didn't want to.

So after thinking about it for what felt like an eternity and watching it happen again and again, you decided to leave. It wasn't healthy for you anymore, this lifestyle was only hurting you all over.

This had to end.

—You're going to leave dad, aren't you?

No way.

You looked behind you, finding Megumi at your door at the verge of tears. He started sobbing silently when he didn't hear a reply from you, rushing to hug your leg.

—Mom, please, d-don't go. I'll talk to daddy, I promise! We will make fried eggs tomorrow too. He will remember this time..

It sincerely broke your heart how tightly he clung to your leg. His hands were trembling and you felt the need to comfort him, so you grabbed him by his shoulders and crouched down.

Then, you spoke softly.

—It's okay, Megs. Mommy is not leaving, I'm just packing my things because i have to go on a business trip in a few days. You understand, right?

He looked at you as he sobbed, and you wiped his tears with your sleeve.

—So you won't leave me and dad?

—Yes, I won't. Mommy has a little something to do, but we can have fried eggs tomorrow.

He looked calmer, but he still looked at you worried. You could tell he was still scared.

—Mom..

He pulled on your tear stained sleeve.

—Yes, sweetie?

—Could you...—He looked down, shy to ask.— ..read me a book tonight?

You looked at him in awe, it has been so long since you read him a book since he claimed that he was a big boy now and didn't need it anymore. Yet, he was asking for you to do it again.

You looked at your bags and sighed.

—Yeah, why not.

And you did, you accompanied him to his room and tucked him in before grabbing a random book from the shelf to read. He struggled to stay awake throughout the story and managed to do so despite how sleepy he was, You could tell how he was still a little unsure that you weren't going to leave. So before you put the book back and kissed the boy goodnight, he asked if you could sleep with him that night. You hesitated but said yes, and he made space for you to fit in his bed while you two hugged eachother to sleep. He was calmer and happy now that you were laying with him since that meant you wouldn't leave, at least not for tonight if he stayed awake. That was his plan: staying awake the whole night to check if you were planning to leave or not. You wouldn't like it if he catched you, but he figured it was for the best. He smiled and snuggled with you, he won't let you go.

But his plan failed, he fell asleep.

And when he woke up, you where nowhere to be found.

𝘕𝘈𝘕𝘈𝘔𝘐 𝘒𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘖:

𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐌.

Nanami loved you to the core, he was so sure of it.

You were the one he wanted to marry, you were the one he wanted to have kids with and he wanted to be the one you call "husband". As simple as that, he just wanted to have a future with you in it. He wouldn't have dated you if he wasn't sure of it, he was a determined man after all.

It took you so long to make him fall in love with you, but you managed to do so. You dug into his heart and reached places in him that he didn't even know he had in such a small place. You took over his heart and became the main focus of his mind, occupying all his thoughts throughout the day until he managed to see you when he came back home. You did little things for him every day that made him fall more in love with you every day, and he loved that.

Until you stopped.

It wasn't immediate, but little by little you began to distance yourself from him and stop trying to make him fall in love with you even more as you always used to do. The funny compliments without any context stopped being present in every conversation, your handmade gifts for when you got home such as cards or matching bracelets stopped appearing and time together It began to decrease more and more.

And he noticed that.

And he missed it, missed them so much. He did because he loved you so much, and he felt like he was losing you. He thought that maybe you were going through a bad time, that maybe you were angry with him, but every time he asked you you always answered him in such a sweet and kind tone that he knew immediately it wasn't something he did. Because he knew you, and he knew that the reason was something deeper than that.

He loved you so much that even when he looked at you right now, crying in front on him, he could only think about one thing: you're beautiful.

—How did you know, Kento?

He smiled at you, holding your hand and wiping your tears away. Nanami simply shrugged.

—I just felt that tension between the two of us. We weren't in love, not anymore.

—Yeah, i felt it too. I was just...worried of hurting you, because I had this feeling that you still loved me.

His expression remained as it was before despite what he was feeling right now. If only you knew how wrong you were to think that it wasn't true, that he didn't love you. He did love you, he loves you so much he wants to keep you all by himself and force you to love him again. He loves you so much he wants to cry hearing you confess to him that you fell out of love even if he already knew it.

He loves you so much he's letting you go.

—..but I'm glad you're the one who proposed the breakup. Otherwise, we would be still stuck in a no feelings relationship.

He finished wiping your tears and slowly moved his hand away, as if he was holding back the urge to touch you again.

—If you're glad then, why do you cry?

He asks you, genuinely curious. He was the one that wanted to bawl his eyes out, seeing the love of his life reach for the door to leave him and never come back again. However, you looked back again and shrugged at him like he did to you just a moment ago.

—I'm just sad that this is how we end. After 4 years of dating I... I just felt that you were the one I was going to marry one day.—You looked back at the door, opening it.—So I guess it's just younger Y/N lamenting the end of this relationship.

—Yeah, I understand what you mean.

You gave him a sad smile.

—I.. don't regret dating you at all, Kento. Just hope you know that.

He nodded, you took that as your sign to go.

—Goodbye, Nanami.

—Goodbye, Y/N.—He took a deep breath, whispering something.—..I love you.

But you already closed the door.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: nanami's was so short, but i swear i couldn't make this man suffer anymore he's just too good 😩 anyways, hope you enjoyed this angst! 💕

KAM'S MASTERLIST.

[love4myg]

Healing Touches

Sometimes, your boyfriend's tender touches and caring actions help heal your fragile state faster than any medication.

────

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship au

word count: 2.2k

summary: yoongi comes home to find you sick / he makes you food / reader can't help but fall asleep literally everywhere / yoongi loves you too much 😪😪

warning: very brief mentions of passing out

notes: im a slut for sick fics and i couldn't find many yoongi ones so i decided to just write one 😋 if anyone has any ideas for fluffy or suggestive yoongi drabbles feel free to drop them in my asks 🙏🙏

────

"I'm home!"

Yoongi's voice echoes through the house and he furrows his eyebrows at the lack of response to his words.

Usually, he would meet you at the lobby of your shared apartment on weekdays, as you would often stay back to grade a few assignments or prepare for the next day. On the days he didn't meet you, he would hear your footsteps as you made your way to greet him, or some sort of noise to prove that you were busy doing something.

But today, there was nothing but silence. Yoongi shrugs it off. You probably just lost track of time.

He makes his way into the living room and places the keys onto the small key holder on the wall.

He begins to remove his jacket but his actions still when he finds you sitting on the couch, a large blanket completely wrapped around you. The TV in front of you was on, but the sound was barely audible and your head was turned away from whatever you had put on to rest against the leather sofa.

Yoongi folds his jacket over his arm as he makes his way over to you.

"Did you get back from work early today?" He asks, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

You groan softly as you stir, slowly moving your head up to look at him through squinted eyes. You were going to whine about how he had disturbed your sleep, but decide against it. Complaining needed energy, energy that you currently lacked.

"Didn't go today. Called in sick."

A bead of sweat rolls down your temple and you begin to move out of the warm confinements of your blanket. Yoongi quirks an eyebrow at you, reaching out his hand to place it against your forehead.

You didn't have a fever, but your words came out dry and broken and there was a clear flush to your cheeks.

"Why didn't you tell me? Are you still feeling sick?"

You nod softly and move the blanket to the opposite end of the couch. You cringe at how your top sticks to your body from the sweat coating your skin.

"I just had a headache in the morning so I didn't think much of it. But after you left, I was like cold all of a sudden so I used the thermometer and it said I had a fever."

You leave out the part where you almost fainted in the bathroom as you changed back into your pyjamas after calling in sick, not wanting to worry your already worried boyfriend.

"You should've called me, I would've left work in a heartbeat," he says as he presses his lips against your forehead.

You ignore the way your heart flutters at his words, failing to bite back a smile.

"It wasn't even that bad, don't worry. Plus, I'm pretty sure the fever pretty soon after. I just fell asleep on the couch."

"Still. Did you take any medicine?"

"Yeah, I took some painkillers for the headache."

You notice how dry your voice is in your throat, wincing at the pain when you try to swallow.

"Did it help?"

"Not really, but I'm fine now so."

Yoongi places his jacket on the couch and makes his way to the medicine box he had placed in one of the kitchen cabinets, having to look through each one before finding it. He takes two tablets and brings them over to you along with a glass of water.

"I'm fine now, babe, seriously," you mumble, reluctantly taking the tablets and the glass from his hands.

"I don't wanna take any chances, love. Drink up."

He watches you as you tip the glass over your mouth and gulp down its contents. You hand it back over to him with a small sigh, and he places it down on the coffee table.

Your eyes scan over Yoongi's body. He's wearing a simple black hoodie, the one you steal from him the most because of how comfy the fabric is.

You reach out your arms invitingly, wanting nothing more than to melt in his arms after not seeing him the entire day.

"I don't wanna get you more sick though," he says, tilting his head as he runs his hands through his grown-out hair.

A small pout forms on your lips and you throw him a scowl.

"I'll get more sick and die right now if you don't cuddle me."

Yoongi laughs at your words. His gums are on display and his eyes crinkle into crescent moons.

"So dramatic," he mumbles.

The leather beside you sinks beneath his weight as he sits down and you instantly wrap yourself around him. His body radiates warmth and you throw one leg over his lap, snuggling your head closer into his chest.

────

You don't quite remember falling asleep, but when your eyes flutter open, the sunlight in the room is replaced by blue rays emitting from the TV.

Goosebumps erupt across your back and you slightly shiver. The space beside you is empty, Yoongi is no longer there to provide you with any heat.

You blame the moody weather for the chills you feel across your body. You were starting to regret throwing away the patterned blanket a few hours earlier, desperately craving the warmth it had enveloped you with.

A few minutes go by and the only thing on your mind is how you were going to die of hyperthermia any minute now. You had closed your eyes in hopes of falling asleep again, but your actions went in vain.

You let out a small groan as you turn your head to try to spot the blanket, trickles of pain erupting from your neck.

The fabric sat just out of your reach, and it seemed to mock your weak attempts at attempting to grab it.

You give up fairly quickly and resort to sitting completely still, trying to dull the ache that pulses through your limbs.

You hadn't been this sick in months and you felt as if this was the universe's way of reminding you how miserable it was.

"You OK?"

Yoongi's voice is deep and you look up to see him standing at the doorway to the living room carrying a plastic bag in one hand.

He throws his keys onto the counter and they hit the marble loudly.

His eyes squint against the harsh light of the TV as he sets down the bag and moves towards you.

"Yeah, I was just tryna get the blanket. Where were you?"

He brushes away a few strands of your hair before resting his hand against your forehead.

"Shit, you're burning up. I don't think a blanket is a good idea, love," he says.

"But it's freezinggg."

Your words come out as a small whine. Yoongi's eyes shift between you and the blanket, weighing out both options.

"How about you go to the bedroom and I can put a wet towel on your head, so you cool down while also being under the duvet?"

You practically shiver at the idea of a cold towel against your skin.

"Fine."

Yoongi reaches out his hand and you hold onto it as you stand up. It takes more energy than anticipated and you wince at the throb of pain in your legs.

"Where were you?" You repeat.

"Oh right. I was gonna make you rice porridge so I needed to get some stuff. Apparently it's great for when you're feeling sick."

You smile at your boyfriend and place a small kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks, baby."

"Mhm, no problem." Yoongi's grateful for the dim lighting of the room so that you don't have the satisfaction of seeing the blush that taints his cheeks.

"I'll bring it to the bedroom, you go lie down."

You nod before slowly making your way to the bedroom as Yoongi moves into the kitchen.

────

By the time Yoongi comes into the room with a bowl in his hand, you're fast asleep again.

You lie completely curled up and covered by the blankets. Your cheeks are flushed from the incredible warmth you are putting your body through.

Yoongi sits down on the mattress carefully, not wanting to disrupt your peace.

"Wake up, love. Your food's ready."

"Not hungry," you mumble, bringing your knees closer to your body.

"You're not gonna get any better if you stay hungry."

You huff and reluctantly stretch out your limbs. With great effort, you lazily sit up against the headboard of the bed.

Yoongi takes a spoonful of the rice porridge and brings it to your lips. You take a mouthful and swallow it down eagerly.

"Not hungry my ass," Yoongi says with an accusing stare and you laugh.

You can't shake off the warm feeling that fills your heart at the domestics of the entire scene at hand as you take another large bite.

You end up eating the entire bowl but decide against asking for seconds. The need to sleep was stronger than anything else right now.

Yoongi leaves the room to put the bowl back and bring you a wet towel. He returns to find you sleeping again.

Your body must be exhausted from fighting whatever sickness had overtaken you for you to be sleeping this much.

He gently places the towel over your forehead, pressing it down so that it doesn't slip off onto the mattress.

Your brows furrow at his actions but you don't wake up. His hand reaches out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, mumbling under his breath.

"Pretty."

Yoongi never thought he would find the one. He believed in love, but the idea of finding someone he could think of as home always seemed too unrealistic, a mere fantasy he would sometimes use for inspiration in his lyrics.

He never thought that the simple thought of someone could brighten his day. Until he met you.

You were chaotic and quiet and everything in between. Someone people could talk to comfortably and freely, someone open-minded and thoughtful.

Everyone seemed to love you, which is why it confused Yoongi whenever you would get flustered at the compliments that fell from his lips.

He thought you would have been used to it. He didn't know how someone could talk to you without showering you with compliments.

When he had told you this one night during the first few months of your friendship—before you started dating—you had laughed, confessing how you rarely ever got compliments. Yoongi still remembers how he had stood there dumbfounded.

Ever since that night, he had made a vow to shower you with compliments.

However, the words soon turned into a habit. They weren't any less truthful, but he found himself whispering them to you even while you were out of earshot or while you slept, like now.

Yoongi stays by your side for a minute longer, simply admiring the way the lamp on your nightstand illuminates your features with its faint glow.

Eventually, he stands up, only to feel your hand grab his before he can take a step.

Your grip is loose and your eyes are still closed, but you lightly tug at the sleeve of his hoodie and he finds himself returning to your side.

"Can you get me the blanket from the living room?"

Exhaustion laces your words despite the numerous naps you had taken throughout the day.

"Aren't you warm enough? I dont want you to have a heatstroke or something."

"I won't, I swear. Please?"

How can Yoongi say no when your voice comes out so fragile and your grip is so gentle. Fuck, you truly did have him wrapped around your finger.

"Fine."

You smile and Yoongi feels his heart skip multiple beats.

Your hand drops from his top and Yoongi retrieves your treasured blanket in less than a minute.

He drapes it over your figure, placing a kiss on your nose as he does so. He fights the urge to immediately slip into the bed beside you, not wanting your sickness to worsen from whatever his clothes may have contracted over the day.

He lazily strips himself and changes into the first pair of sweatpants he sees. He also takes off the wet towel from your forehead, wiping down your face and neck with it before folding it and placing it onto the nightstand.

Finally, he climbs under the duvet beside you. Your body instinctively turns to face his.

Yoongi doesn't expect to feel your lips on his cheek.

"Thank you. I really don't deserve you," you whisper. You drape an arm across his chest and roll onto your stomach, letting out a small moan of pain as you do so.

"You do, baby."

You deserve a lot more than just him taking care of you. You deserve the world itself in your hands and Yoongi knows that if you were to ever ask, he would give it to you in a heartbeat. He would give you the world and so much more.

He leans over your body to switch off the lamp.

"I love you," you whisper, a small yet content smile drawn on your face.

"I love you too."

[nightcolorz]

i read through a few of your recent asks and it got me on an armand defense blender so here we are. & i thought about doing this anonymously but then decided to rawdog it so fuck it. this is probably gonna be ridiculously long but i have Thoughts + i have a feeling if anyone will understand it's you (also i'm too much of a coward to make my own post on this topic)

ANYWAY the way some people in this fandom treat armand is actually like... vile. it goes hand in hand with the whole "reducing louis to a victim and nothing more" thing which you talked about and i want to expand on allllll that because jesus christ some of this shit

people have been talking about how armand is Literally The Worst Ever for two years now and that has really imbibed into to the fandom. i mean i was affected by this as well, i went into the books expecting the Worst from him but it wasn't nearly as bad as i had believed it would be (though tbf i am also biased here, i saw armand in a tiktok edit like a year and a half ago and autistically imprinted on him for a long while before i even watched the show. he can do no wrong ever actually)

but that mindset of "oh you thought LESTAT was bad wait until you meet ARMAND lmfao" (not flaming anyone for that btw, i'm pretty sure even i've jokingly said that at one point) has really poisoned him to the fandom. i fully get book readers being wary of him and overanalyzing everything when it comes to him but it's often the show only fans that are the worst culprits and it's a bit out of hand honestly

after s2e4 i legit saw a person say that they don't believe a word that armand said about his backstory and that he probably made up marius and all the abuse he suffered because he wanted "sympathy" (very pointed quotation marks on that one) from louis and to manipulate him. and it would've been bad enough if those were the words they used but instead they were downright horrible about it. i genuinely had to put down my phone and take a few deep breaths after reading all that. like why would you even assume that? i really hope that's not how that person treats real life victims because holy shit

and like I DON'T GET IT!!!!! people just loooove to apply malicious intent to armand in situations where there is none and i don't get it. this is the series about complex, shitty vampires and yet some people still shove them into boxes like Irredeemable Abuser Who's Just Horrible All The Time (armand, lestat), Perfect Innocent Victim Who Can Do No Wrong (louis, claudia) and Pinnacle Of Neutrality (daniel)

and the person from earlier was a die hard loustat shipper and stanned lestat and whatnot and like i'm sorry but only one of these characters has committed dv atp and it wasn't armand. why is armand the scapegoat here? (it's because he comes in the way of loustat) (also i really don't like flaming individual people for their opinions but i feel like this is vague enough that it gets a pass + this one genuinely made me want to bang my head against a wall)

people are just not equipped to deal with 3 dimensional characters because not only can they not accept that armand is not a cartoon villain that is Unequivocally Evil and some machiavellain mastermind but they also can't accept that louis is a shitty person. you can be a victim and a bad person. you can be a victim and toxic and abusive. like.. the way louis is treating armand is not okay and people shouldn't be afraid to accept that. HE'S A BAD PERSON THEY'RE ALL BAD PEOPLE THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINTTTT

and if people are bothered by that then this is not the show for them

personally i am glad they made louis actually be undeniably shitty this season it made me like him even more (& i say undeniably but people will still deny it like their life depended on it lmaooo). and i am also glad that they managed to really humanize armand for the sane of us because this portrayal of him and his character and personality is just *chef's kiss*. assad GETS HIM and all his little nuances and autistic swagger

yeah anyway uhhhhh people stop immediately assuming the worst of armand challenge (impossible) & i could keep going for another 7 paragraphs but i fear i've waffled on enough i am really fucking frustrated with parts of this fandom send help

(also like, hate armand if you will but hate him for actual things he has done lmfao stop making him something he's not. if you hate him for what he did to claudia, fair enough you do you i can't stop you but jfc some of these people)

YESSS GO OFF 🙏🙏🔥🔥‼️‼️ U or anyone else r so so incredibly encouraged to put ur steaming hot Armand takes in my ask box that ur too scared to post urself for fear of back lash! my Armand apologist army will eat it up and I will shield u from the masses ❤️❤️ consider urself protected and embraced solider.

but anyways, ur so right omg say that shit. The “if u think lestat is bad wait till u see armand he tortures people and does animal cruelty and frankensteins kid heads onto adult bodies lol all Lestat does is graphic domestic violence Armand is like crazy fr” meme has done irreversible damage to this fandoms comprehension skills it’s wild 😭 like due to two years worth of bracing themselves for mega evil Armand we have people spouting the most disgusting insensitive takes about sexual violence I’ve ever seen said so casually in a fandom 😭. I don’t think I’ve come across the post ur referencing tho *holy shit*, even in a fictional context “this person must be lying about being assaulted” is an insane thing to say with ur full chest, but I digress. I’ve seen takes where ppl r saying Armand was trying to emotionally manipulate Louis by talking about being repeatedly raped as a child and like ?? 😨😨😨. Excuse me😭😭 genuinely what the fuck. That’s the same thing as saying Claudia was trying to manipulate Louis by telling him about when she was repeatedly raped, like that is genuinely a fucked up thing to say😭. I don’t think it’s irrational to be weary of Armand’s actions at all because of course we were all bracing ourself for his betrayal so it’s not unreasonable to suspect he has ulterior motives, but it’s both dumb and also fucked up ngl to assume that literally every thing Armand does or says is two sided, especially when there has been nothing in the show besides fandom speculation to suggest that this is the case with him😭. It’s such a shallow, dumb assumption to go “oh this character is two sided so therefore he is never ever sincere at all”. Especially since Armand isn’t two sided bcus of non complex villainous intent, his motives and his lack of trust or loyalty for people or consistent, reliable behavior is very trauma based. I always like to say, he’s not like a snake, he’s like a reactive former fighting dog. A reactive dog can and will attack you without warning at any moment, but a reactive dog is so often disproportionately violent and unreliable because it’s learned that the world is unreliable and violence is how it can protect itself. Armand isn’t rlly the schemer type, he’s more of the “lifts his head from your lap and bites your face off” type.

I think that if the show was trying to suggest that Armand telling Louis about how he was raped was emotionally manipulative that would have been a fucked up and insensitive thing to write! and the fact that ppl r interpreting it that way without anything there to imply that is 😭 um. Woah?? It’s pretty overtly explained why Armand tells Louis his backstory, I’ve talked about it before but, in that scene prior to the backstory dump Louis is telling Armand that he doesn’t feel like he knows him, and he wants to know who he really is. And in this episode Louis and Armand r having a conflict where Armand perceives their relationship as intimate and important and Louis doesn’t even really see them as “together” because he doesn’t want to open himself up to that kind of vulnerability. So when Louis explains to Armand why he doesn’t feel as close to him as Armand does, Armand decides to be vulnerable with louis and tell him about who he is (and why he is the way he is) since Louis told him that that is what he wants from him. I don’t see how telling ur partner about ur life (which is made up of constant trauma) when he tells u he doesn’t know anything about ur life and would like to know more is in anyway manipulative or deceitful. Usually when I see a take I rlly disagree with I am at least able to discern how someone could come to that conclusion, but honestly I have no idea with this one 😭. Just, dude, come on. Y’all do realize that instantly assuming wrongfulness or deceit from a scene where a character is talking about their history of childhood sexual abuse does not make u look good 😭 right? The lack of self awareness is insane 😭 I understand it probably feels uncomfortable to watch a character u perceive as a straightforward manipulator and abuser talk about being horribly abused himself in a way that’s overtly sympathetic, but I think doubling down on ur previous black and white interpretation is like kind of silly goose behavior!

until ur ask I never rlly considered that some fans might be viewing Armand as noncomplexly always in the wrong bcus they are die hard Loustat shippers, but it makes sense! It’s also even more dumb 😭 I love Loustat a lot (mostly in the books cuz the show borderline desecrated them but whateves), but the thing about iwtv and tvc is that literally every character has and will date and be with each other constantly. The defensiveness over ur ship is not necessary 😭 if ur so hyper strict over monogamous shipping that it stresses u out to see ur favs in multiple relationships in the span of a show maybe this isn’t the fandom for u 😭🙏. I think maybe this attitude is coming from a place of “I need Armand to be worse then lestat because if Armand isn’t worse then lestat then loustat will look worse then Loumand and Louis will be wrong to go back to lestat”, and like, babes 😭 Lestat has already violently beat Louis on screen the harm has already been done, if ur still clinging to the hope that lestat will be ultimately the good and right choice for Louis u r fighting a loosing battle. Ship what u wanna ship guys, u can love loustat without trying to justify it as healthy or “healthier” then Loumand . But u do look like a dummy when ur trying to vastly mischaracterize Armand for shipping reasons 😭 like c’mon now. i feel the same way about Louis being portrayed as bad making u like him more!! I’m sure I’ve talked about this, but I kind of hated iwtv s1 and a lot of it was due to how Louis wasn’t at all overtly shitty or unlikable and seemed to be mostly in the right. My favorite thing about Louis in the books is how he portrays himself as a frail gentle human-like saintly vampire who wouldn’t hurt a fly and is better then other the vampires when in reality he is really a horrible, self victimizing unempathetic judgmental asshole who only cares about morality because he wants to boost his ego and feel better about himself. AHHHH it’s so interesting and entertaining to me, I love deceitful, selfish bitch louis sm. And I’m rlly happy with how s2 is leaning into this a little more than s1 is by making Louis such an asshole to Armand!! It feels really appropriate with the former slave owner/former slave parallel translated to the former pimp/former sex slave version in the show, and the way they are fleshing out the relationships in the books and adding more context. Louis is such a great character and I like him sm more in s2 lol, let him be shittyyy!! I beg u!! It’s such a shame that a lot of fans refuse to let their faves suck 🙏

and yessss!!! Armand is being portrayed so perfectly!! Assad is the perfect Armand I am so grateful for him, he is so beautifully nuanced and complex and human. So sad some fans refuse to acknowledge that 😭

on ur last paragraph!! Yesss literally there is so much about Armand to hate so if u hate him hate him for like canon things he has done instead of twisting everything he does into being non complexly evil bcus ur making the show worse for urself if ur viewing it so shallowly 😭. Armand has fucked over Claudia and Nicki and lestat and Louis, and if u hate him for that go right ahead 🙏 I hate Marius for ruining my faves life but guess what 😭 Marius is like a complex varied character and I’d sound like a straight dumb ass if I went on tumblr and tried to claim that literally everything he does is bad intentioned and evil, bcus that’s just not the case. U guys jumping through hoops to claim that Armand is always evil is like if I tried to say that Marius was actually being evil when he tried to save half the world from genocide from Akasha 😭 u know what I’m saying? Fortunately these characters r all incredibly complex and capable of like, nuanced intentions and behavior. If u can’t handle that in ur gay vampire show then I’m sorry ur going to be disappointed. God bless tho

thank u sm for the ask ur literally such an icon and I’m obsessed with u and ur steaming hot takes, everyone stands up and claps

[traumaboyexo]

CARRION!Sif Ghostfrin Event

[[Still pending a better name like Parasite Siffrin or Abomination Siffrin or maybe even a title I dunno]]

"Ah!"

(Isabeau points up ahead. Your heart nearly stops as you look ahead yourself.)

(It's the ghost.)

(Bonnie is the next to gesture towards it. )

"Look! Here!"

(Mirabelle.)

"That's...That really does look like Siffrin, doesn't it?"

(Sure.)

(It looks like Siffrin. Maybe it really is Siffrin.)

(And if they are...)

(Odile frowns. She's clearly the more disturbed of your family regarding this situation.)

"Another one, huh?"

(So they could all see it this whole time.)

(Ghost. Spirits.)

(You thought you were hallucinating it out of guilt, but that makes sense.)

(Monsters don't feel guilt. Monsters don't feel anything.)

(You find your voice once more.) "You guys can see it too, huh?"

(What would a ghost taste like. If possible, maybe if you eat it fast enough, they'll forget it was even here.)

"Yes??? Of course???" (Mirabelle looks at you in confusion. Somehow, you nearly break a smile. The notion that may be crazy has passed through your head more than once, and yet...)

(For her to look at you, so confused, it's almost comforting.)

(Bonnie speaks up.) "Yeah, weird Frin copies!"

(Odile sighs.) "Don't worry, Siffrin. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me as well. Take relief in knowing the both of us are not becoming delusional."

(No, you aren't.)

(Your real problem is so much worse.)

(You reply.) "Thank you. Good to know my brain isn't broken from all my napping."

"So, are we gonna say hi?" (You turn your head and look at Iseabau, doing your best to hide your disbelief and fear.)

(He wants to greet it?!)

"Me too, I wanna see the weird not-Frin!"

(You're on the opposite end of Bonnie's enthusiasm.)

(You're horrified.)

(If it really is Siffrin, if it's really their ghost...)

(What would he say? What would they do?)

(You don't even want to think about it. You don't even get a chance to. Because your family has already rushed ahead.)

(Isabeau's cheery voice rings out first.)

"Hey, ghost Sif! How are you-ah!"

(Almost immediately, Isabeau turns around and quickly covers Bonnie's eyes.)

"HEY! ISA?! WHAT'S CRABBING GOING ON?!"

(Mirabelle glances over at them for a brief second before looking at the face of the ghost herself.)

(...her eyes widen in horror and her legs instantly give out. She would have fallen to the floor if Odile hadn't caught her.)

"Woah. Easy easy, I got you." (Odile looks at the ghost's face herself, and her face turns into one of great unease as well.)

"...gems alive."

(...a slimy wet, sound.)

(...the ghost is melting.)

(Slowly, it begins to droop and drip parts of itself as it becomes smaller and smaller, slowly dropping into a formless sludge puddle of itself.)

(...and then it fades, sinking into the ground...until it's no more.)

(There's a long pause.)

(Everyone is still. Silent. Even Bonnie stopped trying to escape Isabeau's grasp.)

(Isabeau is the first to make any movement, taking his hands off Bonnie's eyes.)

Bonnie: "...what happened?"

Bonnie: "There was a scary...wet sound and-"

(Mirabelle exhales heavily. Her voice and breath is shaking.)

Mirabelle: "O-oh change..."

Mirabelle: "I...I..."

(She looks over at you.)

(She's terrified.)

(...everyone else is staring at you the exact same way.)

(...you have to know.)

"So? Did it have a third eye or something?"

(...that was suppose to be a joke. You smile during jokes. You forgot to smile.)

(Odile seems to have noticed that.)

(She is the first to answer you.)

"...Siffrin."

"You're not hurt anywhere again, are you?"

(...huh?)

"No?"

"No cuts? No bruises or scrapes?"

(Wouldn't matter.)

"No."

"How about...headaches? Naseau? Feeling dizzy? Are you unwell in anyway, Siffrin?"

(Why won't she tell you.)

"No!"

"Really? Absolutely sure. Remember last time, we didn't realise you had a cut under your arm until-"

(You need to know!)

"I said I'm FINE! TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!"

"...what did you guys see?"

(She continues to stare without a response.)

"Uhm...I'll be on explaining duty then, M'dame." (Isabeau walks away from the group and pulls you aside, while Bonnie, Mirabelle and Odile start to discuss amongst themselves.)

"Don't be too hard on M'dame Odile, what we saw was just...a little scary is all."

(Scary? How?) "It didn't seem like it did anything."

"It...didn't. That's why it was kinda scary."

"So, it was standing in front, and we went up to it, cause it was kind of strange it wasn't facing us."

"And luckily I was the first to see it, or Bonnie would have seen it as well."

"It didn't flinch when I called out to it. It didn't even try to look at us."

"It's face was..."

(Isabeau looks uncomfortable even trying to remember it.)

(...You have to know.) "What? What about the face?"

"Yeah yeah, sorry, it was...Uhm..."

"...well, it was covered in scars. Bleeding scars. And its eyes were...gone? Its mouth was open, and it kinda looked like..."

"...like if someone had died, standing up, and refused to sit down."

"But then its lips started moving like they were trying to talk. But I didn't hear a noise voice or noise or anything."

"And then...well, then it started to turn into goop, and that was it."

"So you can see why Mirabelle was so startled, she was already super stressed, but I think...I think it'll be fine."

"And, don't worry about M'dame Odile, you know how she is. She's always worried about us, even if she won't say she is."

(...)

(Startled.)

(Worried.)

(Haha.)

(Hahaha.)

(Ha.)

(...Mirabelle and the rest are walking towards you now.)

"Sorry about that...it was just a little overwhelming...but I feel better now."

(She shouldn't.)

"But Siffrin, if anything is ever wrong...please make sure to tell me. O-or any of us."

(You won't.)

(Maybe if you're hungry.)

(But not about....)

(Odile continues to frown.)

"Siffrin."

(She stares for just a few more moments, before looking away.)

"...nevermind."

"I think we've wasted too much time. We should get going."

(...they're afraid. You made them afraid.)

(Why couldn't they have just stopped. Why couldn't they have just ignored it.)

(WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE STAYED STILL AND LET IT FADE AWAY!)

(You're always worried they won't care about you, but for once now you regret making them care!)

(You're disgusting, you're selfish, you're horrifying.)

(They've seen it, NOW THAT'S ALL THEY'LL THINK OF YOU WHEN--)

[REWIND]

"Ah!"

(Isabeau points up ahead.)

(Bonnie is the next to gesture towards it. )

"Look! Here!"

(Mirabelle.)

"That's...That really does look like Siffrin, doesn't it?"

(No.)

"I don't see anything."

(Even without looking back, you can feel everyone's confusion focused on you.)

"Sif? You really don't see the...ghost you?"

(You don't respond.)

(You wait. And wait. And wait.)

(...and soon...)

(...it's gone.)

(...you feel hungry.)

[teojira]

What about yandere Caesar? Or yandere noa :) (headcannons please)

[Yandere Noa and Caesar x reader headcanons]

Summary: You're their human, only theirs.

Warnings: This is more so them being toxic, more than yandere, I'm sorry!

A/N: it physically took me ages to figure out how to write these two as yanderes, so this isn't really true to the prompt! I am so sorry anon, I've never actually written yandere stuff to begin with so this was out of my usual, I doubt this is any good. I hope to do better next time though!

Noa:

Yandere Noa is not nearly as insane as more other yanderes you'll find.

He's able to get away with it by subtle manipulation, treating you like a puppy who doesn't know any better.

Why would you go against him? He's your only companion in this world, surely you don't think the others will forgive you for what Mae did to all of them? They're pretending to like you, they don't actually want you to join them, to become one of them. But it's okay, you have him, he'll never leave your side, no matter what.

He blatantly aims to make you depend on him, he won't teach you any of the tribes customs, you're learning on your own silently or he's doting on you.

You want to go eat? Not without him, matter of fact, you're gonna sit on his lap while he has one arm wrapped around your waist, it gets tighter when another ape comes up to speak, they don't notice the discomfort on your face when Noa squeezes more.

He's a guilt tripper, he has no issues with bringing up how he's the one who welcomed you into the clan, that you'd think you'd owe it to him to be by his side, right?

Noa feels remorse about it, but he'll still use his dad's passing against you whenever he feels you try and fight him. He reasons that it's only right. He lost so much, he just wants you, surely, you like him back? To be his?

Caesar:

Caesar is the worst of the two, period.

Caesar is the leader of the colony, and no one, even if they do think it'd weird just how on a short leash he keeps you, will bring it up.

It is extremely rare when you are out of his sight, confined to the family nest and if you are to go anywhere, he's there to follow.

Doesn't really want any other apes near you, but he has to put on the act of being sane, so he lets you interact with the women and a select few of the men.

It boils his blood when you go up against him, he will tell you straight up, had it not been for him, for his mercy, you would've been dead already. Be that by other apes or natural selection.

You should be grateful he is sweet on you, that he takes care of you day in and day out despite so many others being afraid of humans.

He won't hurt you, but intimidation is key and he is no stranger to pushing you against a wall and growling or snarling in your face.

Only to switch tones immediately upon seeing your face get splotchy with tears, cooing at you and wiping then away with his thumbs.

Very hot and cold, you never know when he's gonna snap and treat you harshly, spitting at you that you're no better than the humans that had once ruled over him, or coddling you, holding you to him as he drowns himself in your scent, not caring that you're uncomfortable with his canines so close to your neck.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 29 will be posted soon.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 28 chapters completed: 1.77M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

#1 {Previous snippet}

#2 {Previous snippet}

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I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 29 because at the end of Chapter 28, it was early in the morning and Buck and Eddie were lying in bed having a serious conversation about whether Eddie's going to delay the pursuit of his second paramedic certification, the ACP-C. Buck doesn't want him to give up his dream, especially now since they know what caused Buck's bradycardia and he's on medication. He's doing better and even though he's still grieving, he believes once he passes the last two stages of grief, Frank may clear him to return to work but he's still not sure if he wants to go back to being a firefighter. Also, Eddie's FMLA ends on January 31, 2024 but the question is will he extend it or return to the 118?

Additionally, Chris is still dealing with one of his classmate's lack of participation in their video game project and it's stressing him out. Furthermore, during their last group therapy session, Buck had a conversation with Captain Jeshan Mehta and he asked him if they could meet so he can get an objective viewpoint from someone about whether he could be a captain someday with the LAFD. He decided not to ask Bobby since he doesn't believe he'll give him an objective viewpoint because in September 2022, he told him he needed more life experience. Things are getting interesting as the Diaz family gets closer to their "New Beginnings".

__________

Here's a little more from Chapter 29 of Buck and Chris while they're inside of Super Target.

___________

“I’m not… ”  Buck replies but he trails off when his Apple Watch beeps.

“What’s that?”

“None of your damn business!”

“I have an Apple Watch too and that sounds like a heart monitor warning.  I guess it makes sense that you would be wearing one since your heart stopped last year.”

“I’ve already warned you but I’m going to say it again just in case you missed it.  If you ever come near my son again, it’s over for you!”

“Hmm, you know if there weren’t any security cameras in this damn store, I’d do whatever’s necessary to stop your heart again but this time, no one would be here to restart it.”

“If you think you’re bold enough, just fucking try it and watch me break your damn neck.”  He sternly replies.

Suddenly, an unknown voice booms from behind Buck.  “Excuse me?!  Is everything, ok here?!”

Neither of them look in that direction but Buck believes it’s a security guard because he can also hear Chris’ crutches.

“I meant what I said… if you ever come near my son again, I’ll kill you and that’s a promise.”  He whisper shouts with so much venom in his voice he knows they understand he means business.

They plaster a fake smile on their face, look over Buck’s shoulder at the security guard and says, “Yes sir… everything’s ok.  We’re just catching up but I got what I came for so I’m leaving now.”  Then they smirk at Buck, turn around and walk away.

Buck keeps watching until they leave the aisle, then he turns around and before he has the chance to focus, his knees buckle but he manages to remain standing.  When he looks at the security guard, he sees a tall man with big muscles and he also sees Chris is not too far away from him.  He’s standing with a woman who’s wearing a red shirt with khakis pants and he can see her name tag too.

His vision starts to close and everything around him starts to look fuzzy the same way it did the morning he read Malone’s letter.  He feels it as his heart rate plummets and he knows it’s happening because his Apple Watch starts continuously beeping.

“Buck, are you ok?”  Chris asks in a high pitched voice.

His knees buckle again but he manages to stay upright.  His chest is hurting and he can feel the tug of death trying to take him back to a place he doesn’t want to go.

While maintaining eye contact with Chris, he forces himself to say, “Chr—is, Chr… call—call… dad for me… and—and ask… him to come quick… pleaseee!”

He watches as Chris removes his phone from his pocket and he also sees two people swiftly walk past him, the security guard and the employee.

“Excuse us coming through!”  A tall man with snow white hair exclaims.

He approaches Buck, stands in front of him and greets, “Sir, my name is Dr. Keith Dawson, I’m a cardiologist and I work at Cedars Sinai Hospital.  Me and my daughter, Ashley Dawson, she’s a nurse practitioner at First Presbyterian, we were on the next aisle and we heard your Apple Watch beeping, so we rushed over.  Are you having any chest pain?”

Buck’s eyes are wide, they’re filled with tears and he can tell he’s profusely sweating but he’s having a hard time speaking.

“Nod, if you can hear me.”

He nods.

“That’s good and thank you for responding.  Now I see you have a medic alert note attached to your watch, do you mind if I read it?”

He slowly shakes his head no.

Dr. Dawson quickly familiarizes himself with his medical information but when he notices Buck start to sway, he asks, “Sir, can you help me lay him down please?” 

The security guard moves and he gets to Buck just in time before he collapses.

They lay him down on the floor and Ashley hands him the sweater she’s wearing over her scrubs and the security guard removes his jacket.  Dr. Dawson puts the sweater underneath his head and the jacket underneath his ankles.

Buck’s fighting, he’s trying to remain conscious but with every second the pull at the back of his head gets stronger and he knows he’s going to lose consciousness soon.

Dr. Dawson is checking his pulse and he loudly asks, “Does this store have an AED?”

When Buck looks at Ashley, he forces himself to say, “I—I need someone to—to protect my… son!”

Ashley looks at Chris and asks, “He’s your dad?”

“Yes.”

“What’s his name?”

“Evan Diaz but he goes by Buck.”

“Thank you.”

When someone hands Dr. Dawson the AED, the Target employee who’s standing with Chris walks closer and she has Chris right by her side.

“CHR—IS?”  Buck cries.

“Buck! I’m here and I’m on the phone with dad.”

“Sir, my name is Kelsy Stromer and I’m the store manager.  Your son is safe and he’ll be with me until the ambulance arrives.  I’ll make sure he rides to the hospital with you.”

“CH—RIS!”  He says one last time as his eyes close and the darkness takes him.

What's going to happen next? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Is Buck going to wake up this time? 👀

Did the person threatening him and his family leave the store or are they still watching? 🙃

___________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-28 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[deadrayg2mf]

The Gargoyle's Captive (A Deal with a Demon #3) by Katee Robert

Honestly, like, what do I even say at this point that ya'll haven't heard from me about how much I freakin' love Katee Robert and this series. I will keep this one brief for real because if I don't it'll just be like "Oh my god, Ray, shut the fuck up we get it - this book came out three months ago you're late to the party!"

Okay, so aside from it being Katee freakin' Robert, this book is full of enemies to lovers, femdom, grief-consumed protags, and - my favorite, of course - angst. Yeah, did I see the plot twist coming from a mile away? One thousand percent. Did I care? Frick no. Okay, so we're following the same story - deal with a demon, seven years basically married to leader of demon territory, maybe a baby... But this time, it's Grace the monster hunter and Bram the Gargoyle.

Grace is another enjoyable female lead who is a headstrong take-no-shit kinda gal, probably what you would expect from someone who makes a living out of hunting monsters. She's the last of her family and she's really only here for answers because Azazel happens to be the same demon her mother who disappeared made a bargain with, and by golly, she is going to get those answers even if it means selling seven years of her life. Bram is traumatized, grief-stricken, lonely, and at this point has the most sad-boy, giving up on life, fuck it energy I've ever seen in a protagonist - and I am so here for it. I eat that shit up. I love the tragics - stories and characters. He's also the last of his family after his entire family was murdered by an outsider his father brought in. He doesn't actually really want to be there but the opportunity and benefits it brings are too good to pass up, especially when you're in the leadership position he is...

I loved the story clearly, and really liked how handling grief was portrayed, no two people will be able to handle it the same even when they are in the same situation. Grace dug her heals in and became even more stalwart and determined while Bram gave in to the grief of loss and resigned himself to an empty life... and even potentially having it purposely ended at the hands of a scrappy little monster hunter in the bath... They are two people coming to terms with events of the past, the shadow of their parents, and suddenly dealing with someone new who they bought at an auction/got auctioned to for the next seven years that they don't necessarily get along with. That's right, they're totally toxic for each other. Don't worry, we're always promising happy endings here :) It's fast paced, there's a lot to get through in 186 pages, but I really think it was done to the best of its ability. Do I wish this was 500 pages? Uh, YEAH, but it is what it is and what it is, is really good. I will admit... it took me a hot minute to slug through obviously. I actually feel a little bad about this review because I was kind of forcing myself to read this. I wasn't in the right headspace and so while objectively I knew I was enjoying it I was also aware that I was, like, not locked in. I am very much intending to reread it when I'm not begrudgingly reading while rotting in bed just because nothing sounds enjoyable.

With that, I swear I am not just pulling shit out of my ass with everything I've told you. I really did enjoy the book, I love the way it's written, I liked the characters, the cover art is amazing, and it's just another great addition to the Deal with a Demon series. I think I'll give it a solid.... 7.9/10 with subject to change in the future :)

Would I read again? Yes, I plan to. Once the pesky ole depression and imminent demise anxiety wear off.

Would I recommend? Of cousre, I'm always recommending Katee Robert... I'm not sure what happens on the day I don't...? Does the world end?

[rbbitfire]

Sj2 au where bugs didn't come back for MONTHS

[esbielle]

please forgive my most passionate disruptions, written by @pumpkinpaix and read by esbielle, is now finally complete! You can check the whole podfic now on ao3!

[autisticbillpotts]

I'm losing my mind why am I so obsessed with this guy

[kanotototori]

Can't believe Father had so much going for his character in terms of relevance to the overarching themes of Noragami and how those themes could play out in his character arc conclusion and they just went with the most boring and basic one, the jokes write themselves

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i actually should be more confident in my skills in most things like i really cleaned a decrepit bathroom that had shit all over the walls and crusty old towels stuck to the floor and beard hair in the sink and a toilet with 10 year old shit and a billion bugs cultivating a whole habitat in there in just like... 5 days of work. and that's saying a lot as a fat girl who has a bad back and knees with genuinely negative attention span and motivation who quit two janitorial jobs after a month. like... maybe i should be more confident about what i can do and actually step up and do more instead of wallowing in my misery actually 🤔

[arcaneyouth]

pain and suffering on planet earth

[ihadtried]

This is so bitchy but i just can’t stop laughing. 

I see all these posts and shit about these ‘revivals’ that are happening on that college campus (or is it more than one? I don’t care) and as someone who went to every church camp, lock in, mission trip, and vacation bible school I only have one thing to say. 

Have fun while it lasts. 

I keep laughing because it’s like I’m watching a bunch of ants move a whole potato chip. I’d stop and look, and if I was walking with someone I’ll elbow them and be like “woah look at those ants with the potato chip. look at em go.” And then just move on. 

Because the fact that the ants now have one whole potato chip doesn’t mean anything? 

That one potato chip isn’t going to change the structure of the colony, it’s going to make no lasting change, it’s probably not even going to fit in the nest so they’ll have to break it apart to get in inside. And it’s not going to last very long before the ants are out again looking for more food. 

So have fun little ants. Enjoy your potato chip. Be proud of it. 

But it’s not going to change anything.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

god i love being a musician

[soryualeksi]

Okay, so. I'm ALL for not spreading, you know, deadly fucking disease to your fellow human beings, but WHAT is it with people, like, pretending to not understand the mere concept of a common cold anymore??

I keep being made an unwilling participant in a discussion that goes as follows:

"Hm, I have a cough and a sore throat."

"Oh dear."

"But I keep testing for Covid every day before coming into work."

"That's the responsible thing to do."

"The tests keep coming back negative."

"That's good to hear. Let's hope it stays that way."

Now normally, this would be the end of this extremely awkward sickness-smalltalk that I don't actually wanna know anything about. But no. Then they suddenly double down.

"I don't trust the tests."

"Well, I trust you to have done the tests in the correct manner, so if they keep coming back negative I would assume you don't have Covid."

"But I have a cough and a sore throat."

"Yes, I mean, it could just be a common cold. Those still exist."

"But I've been like this for a week now."

"Colds are like that."

"But also my head hurts a bit."

"Colds do that, too."

"But also I feel kind of tired and ill."

"Yes, that's... Look, I'm sure that before Covid you've had a cold at some point, too?"

"But I don't trust the tests."

AND THEN IT JUST GOES ON LIKE THIS.

WHAT IS BEING EXPECTED OF ME HERE.

;_;

I don't want to invalidate people feeling worried and then I usually say, look, if the ONE blob of nose slime that contains like three little particles for the test to come back positive on, is hidden SO deep within your nasal cavities you can't get it on your swab no matter how hard you poke around there, then even if you HAD Covid - which you don't - I think it's unlikely there'd be enough of the virus in that other little blob of nose slime over there you could possibly fling into the air IF you coughed wetly on the next person without covering your mouth.

Like?? Is this a new kind of social ritual I don't understand??? Are we signaling our place in the "We are mindful of the pandemic" hierarchy by??? Insisting our runny nose must be from Covid and we just cannot detect it AND ALSO IF YOU'RE SO WORRIED THAN WHY ARE YOU AT WORK WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT WHY DO I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THAT

???

I don't wanna have this discussion anymore, I don't know what to say other than "In this case the evidence points to: common cold."

What is the purpose of this discussion, what answer do they want, what am I supposed to provide them. ;_; Please. You probably have a cold. If you feel so shitty that you have to constantly let me know, than maybe you should go get sick leave from your doctor, why are you telling ME, why do you believe that there's no other respiratory infections besides Covid anymore, WHAT DO YOU WANT, and also WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE *ME* YOUR DISGUSTING-ASS COLD SOB

I'm sorry for ranting, but this keeps happening and I'm TIRED. If you're really, truly worried you are infectious with a nasty disease, then stay the fuck home. And if you're not. Then WHY. Are we having this stupid discussion.

;_;