#(for anyone wondering I started this blog in 2022 so that's why I have so many more reblogs than 2021)

[deer-in-headlights-stare]

I posted 715 times in 2022

That's 715 more posts than 2021!

52 posts created (7%)

663 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cream-and-tea

@nicola-writes

@chaotic-queer-disaster

@wherearetheplants

@cryptid-s-wips

I tagged 537 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#writblr - 51 posts

#queued - 51 posts

#important - 41 posts

#inspo - 29 posts

#queer queer queer - 27 posts

#flower.txt - 25 posts

#[zombie wip] - 25 posts

#luce - 19 posts

#save for later - 18 posts

#<3 - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#im still going to read the rest of the series but i will complain heavily if the love triangle is bad

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

"3 Photos" Tag Game

thanks for the tag @annarts05 !

Rules: Find 3 photos/images (they can be anything at all, memes, vintage photographs, quotes, anything) that you feel describe your wip. If you want, you can tell a little bit your story, too. You can do it with or without the context. 

See the full post

10 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

would anyone be interested in a sensory-processing-disorder-culture blog? I don't see a lot of representation that is specifically for spd folks but i don't know how big the community is on here.

it would be for autistic and allistic folks ofc and a nice way to connect with our community.

(non-spd folks are encouraged to boost)

14 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

#3

Writeblr Reintro :)

-> hi, welcome to my writeblr! on this corner of the internet, i go by flower, but i'm open to any nicknames as well. i'm a biracial, queer teen writer who has spd and some other mental illnesses too. now onto the actual writing stuff...

-> i tend to write science fiction and dystopian, with a dash of low fantasy and horror. i write both prose and poetry, though i talk about the prose part more often here. also, most of my work is ya/teen.

-> that being said, i'm open to reading anything! i do have a special love for sci-fi (especially post-apocalyptic or set in space) and supernatural/horror, so if your wip features that, hit me up! i'd love to learn about them. even if your wips aren't those genres, feel free to come into my ask box anytime! i need social interaction, even though i may take a little while to answer it :)

-> my wips usually have a queer/neurodivergent cast, mixed-race characters (hey, if no one else will, gotta do it yourself right?), found family and blorbos who really, really need to sleep. sometimes there are even cats.

wips under the cut!

untitled poetry

-> second draft, first person pov, multiple pov, poetry format, fantasy/horror/retelling. i don't talk about this one very often here.

-> a series of dark fairytale retellings in an interconnected universe that does not always promise a happily ever after.

the zombie wip

-> first draft, first person pov, multiple povs, prose, science fiction/dystopian.

-> four kids meet on a train, having never met each other before but all having the same goal: to leave their utopian society. set in a post-apocalyptic world rife with secrets, lies and things not quite human.

main cast:

-> liz - she/her, 19. looking for closure. finds something else.

-> cricket - she/her, 17. the heir.

-> luce - they/she, 17. for them, vengeance is no longer a waking dream.

-> ari - he/him, 15. trying to fix what is already too far gone.

tag: #[zombie wip]

comic sans wip intro

navigation!

-> #flower.txt for all of my original posts, coherent or not.

-> #flower writes for snippets and excerpts from my wips.

-> #flower answers an ask for all ask games and questions.

-> #flower does a tag (game) for all the games i have been tagged in.

16 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#2

Writeblr Introduction

please ignore how long it took me to post this

drumroll please...

☆ hi, welcome to my blog! you can call me anything but online i usually go by flower and my pronouns are she/her. and i also have sensory processing disorder and social anxiety.

☆ i mainly write sci-fi and dystopian, with some low fantasy on the side. I write both prose and poetry, though i lean heavily toward prose. Most of my work is ya, but i want to write middle grade/childrens one day.

☆ i like being tagged in writing tag games! not the writing tag game days, though so no sts/worldbuilding wensday please!

☆ i am a minor, so don't be creepy. adults can follow, but i may not feel comfortable following back.

☆ dni's don't usually work but this blog supports mspec lesbians/gays, people with xenogenders, ace and aro folks, people with "contradicting" labels and all good faith identities. Queer is not a slur.

☆ if you mainly post fandom-related stuff, i have a fandom blog! you can check out my fandoms at @fandom-flower-shop

my wips under the cut

☆ zombie wip

Liz, Cricket, Luce and Ari have their own reasons for leaving Utopia, the only home they've ever known - and safe haven from whatever lies beyond its protective dome. Not even stumbling upon secrets about what really happened will stop them from trekking through a post-apocalyptic United States and doing what they came for. Right?

Oh, and there's zombies.

stage: first draft

tag: #[zombie wip]

comic sans wip intro

☆ untitled poetry

A series of poems that put gory, violent twists on classic fairytales such as Snow White, Hansel and Gretel and Red Riding Hood.

stage: second draft

18 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

my favorite character relationship is "chaotic" and "chastizes the other for being chaotic, while also being the most chaotic motherfucker here"

27 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[the-thursday]

Hello everyone, this post was long overdue, and finally, prompted by our beloved Howls also leaving, it's time for me to rip off the bandaid as well.

I would also like to announce a sort of departure from Ranger's apprentice fandom.

I do not know how many from RA fandom era from few years back are still here but I assume mostly newer blogs keep up with this account.

Take a lil history walk with me, if you will. I joined this fandom around 2017-18. I was very active around here, posting all kinds of stuff, fics, takes, incorrect quotes, art and whatnot. I made many friends with whom I had a great time and I am happy and honoured that I am friends with some of them till this day. Fandom became the second home to me as things hadn't been exactly easy irl and maybe I fixated on it too much, but gods know I loved this place so much. And I wish for everyone to experience this happiness and just as I made friends who became a significant part of my life, I wish that for you as well. Being surrounded by amazing and wonderful people and sharing similar interests is one of the most pure joyous feelings in this world.

As 2020-2021 rolled around, some of you know that things in my life picked up a harsh pace and I started to drift away. In 2021 I left the fandom because of that and unpleasant things with one of the people here. It was one of the most gut wrenching decisions I had made.

In 2022, I started gradually getting worse, but also had the courage to come back at the end of the year. I felt happy and welcomed and I am so grateful to everyone who made it happen, who supported me and gave me another breath. My mental health kept getting worse but I wasn't alone and that has been everything to me.

Now it's about a little more than a year since I've been back and again, I've met wonderful amazing people who I am happy and honoured to call friends. I don't regret coming back and I am happy I did, however I think it's time for me to go again. And below, I hope to explain why.

Like I said, I've been getting worse. Last autumn and this winter have been very difficult for me and I had to rethink some priorities, as life is going on the time left for me to invest in fandoms is getting thinner and thinner. Unfortunately, among them, isn't keeping up with this fandom. With my next words I hope not to insult anyone. The truth is, I don't find enjoyment in the fandom and content itself anymore, or more like, as much as I used to. I don't exactly vibe with posts for roughly the past half a year and I don't mean this in negative way, I just think it's for me to move on. All of the new people that I've seen have wonderful content and while I don't exactly vibe like I used to, I can see that you're having fun and that's important! People come and go and I do wish all the newcomers and seniors who are still here to have a great time, but I don't think I have energy, capacity and vibes to be part of it anymore. As you know, my blog has been very much inactive for a long time, aside from dumping my dumb sketches or reblogging something here and there. And rather than letting it rot, I'd like to cleanly move on. Anyhow, on self deprecating note, since really it's not like I've been someone prominent I don't think this is a loss to the fandom and this makes it easier for me.

So to summarise, my leaving is about personal things, my life moving and the fact I don't have the mental capacity or motivation to actively keep up.

So what does this mean? I won't be posting RA related stuff on this blog anymore. This blog will turn into a neutral main blog and I'll create one side blog for art that I hope to continue to make and maybe one blog dedicated to the work of Brandon Sanderson.

However, it doesn't mean that I am not up to goof around about RA anymore, however this will be done in DMs. If I sometimes get to draw and post RA related art, it shall be posted on my new art blog with RA tag. However, I don't think there's a high probability of public RA art from me anymore, because 1) need to move on and 2) I have a very strong and maybe confrontational opinion about art in this fandom that has given me a bad taste and discouraged me from enjoying making it and posting it. I won't go into details because I don't want to sour this post for myself and for y'all with it.

I want to thank this fandom for everything it has been for me and for everyone and I wish y'all some happy fandoming!

Yours only,

The Ranger Thursday 11

[stupendousfoxthing]

https://www.tumblr.com/stupendousfoxthing/759108029641834496/i-think-the-shipping-has-reached-a-fever-pitch?source=share

I love the damn audacity of tkkrs who's ship had a whole ass ITS conversation which was wayy worst and telling that jm and jk's car conversation but of course a "It was scripted" can fix all the fantasies i see. Talking about daeun but won't see taehyung himself walking hand in hand with Jennie in paris cause it's supposed to be "Media Play" lmao. Spent a decade calling Everything jm and jk did as fanservice. The damn yrs where TK were were feeling what they felt in ITS were the days jk was hanging out with jm and his frnds but sure it was contradicting lol. Then jkk was contradicting too since they applied for Buddy program in August lol.

I don't think anyone's dating never have believed that but tkkrs' audacity who's livin' through all these yrs by calling others fanservice. Mind U TK were started hanging out in late 2022 i wonder why not before that. Even in late 2021 jk was going to jm's room 3 times a day where tae wouldn't know his own bf's room again a big LOL. Imagine thinking ur ship suddenly hanging out when they were on break forgetting all those yrs before that is some another level of cope. Anyways, y'all can try harder but taehyung still dated Jennie and even if he broke up with her he's still going to end up with woman. and jungkook too who was seen with a woman in his apartment.

I think you all come here thinking you're arguing with Instagram and Twitter Taekookers though me or something, because there's always a major disconnect between what I've said and what you're talking about. I've never once said "it was scripted" to try to "fix" anything. I saw Tae and Jennie walking hand in hand in Paris and it's still media play. I made a comment about Daeun in the replies because I was specifically asked about it. I don't know what her relationship with Jimin is, but if you don't see how that situation is different in every way from Taennie then I don't know how to help you. Jimin's life doesn't factor in at all to what I believe about Taekook. I don't call everything Jimin and Jungkook do together fanservice, I call fanservice fanservice. Taekook do fanservice too. But I don't think I've ever even mentioned that on this blog.

The damn yrs where TK were were feeling what they felt in ITS were the days jk was hanging out with jm and his frnds but sure it was contradicting lol. Then jkk was contradicting too since they applied for Buddy program in August lol.

I don't even know what this means. A Taekook year equals how many Jkk days? Applying for buddy system in August means what was contradicted???

I don't think anyone's dating never have believed that but tkkrs' audacity who's livin' through all these yrs by calling others fanservice.

Again, that's not me I don't know who you're talking to here. But for someone who doesn't think any of them are dating you came with the same things that are in every Jkkr essay that lands in a Taekooker's inbox. Bitter ex? Leftover? As my bio says I've been an ARMY since 2014 and a Taekooker since 2016 so the "Taekook didn't start hanging out until late 2022" shit will not work on me. That your ask devolved into that and the heterosexual warrior agenda is kind of anticlimactic honestly.

[bubblegum-gf]

Do you have an intro guide to rtumblr I want to be there but I feel like I don’t know something everyone else knows . If that makes sense

@my-name-is-daniel-yes has a very helpful link in his pinned post that I will re-link to you here, a quite expansive post about the history of rtumblr until 2022

(I think daniel's part of that post is much more relevant and useful than mine)

since you are here I will try to give you some succinct explanations on 4 key pillars of rtumblr. (It accidentally became another essay-)

If I got something wrong or anyone wants to add something feel free.

RTCLER

Explanation: In the summer of 2020 this post was made comparing RTGame to the onceler- the infamous tumblr sexyman. Primarily because he wears a suit and acts as a capitalist in games. And has "onceler energy" This is, I'd say, the beginning of rtumblr and our reputation for cursed posts. Then a blog for rtcler, @/ask-the-rt-cler was made similar to the old onceler ask blogs and we all started roleplaying. The roleplays have been dead for a while. See rtcler's blog for more information or more confusion. Additionally a lot of fanart and stuff was made so I think rtcler became pretty well-known.

2. THE BOARD

Explanation: This post is very long and most of it won't make sense. But it is extremely important to rtumblr. I will tell you why this post exists. In November 2021, RTGame tweeted that he looked at tumblr and was surprised by the amount of fanart here. Followed by "Who is the onceler, like really." Everyone freaked out wondering if he knows about rtcler, how much he's seen, and if he has a secret tumblr blog. Soon people started making blogs like notrtgame or not-not-rtgame or I-am-rtgame as if they were rt's secret tumblr blog. Then Fluffy posted The Board, trying to describe the relationship between RT, people associated with him, AU versions of him, and these fake rt blogs. It got out of hand fast. This led to more roleplays as c!Fluffy becomes crazy? mad with power? putting more and more rts on The Board. Those roleplays are also kinda dead right now but by god there's a lot of lore there over the past few years. There's more posts explaining all that somewhere.

3. HOLY FUCK THERE'S A LOT OF RTS

This google doc is also in @my-name-is-daniel-yes's pinned post as mentioned above. It contains links to over 600 RTGame AUs, ranging in complexity from a full on AU with lore, to art of a cute design, to a singular post just suggesting it as an AU. There's not gonna be a pop quiz on this you don't have to know all this. I just put it here because I feel like we reference it a lot when talking about how many rts there are (or at least I do, I'm obsessed with the concept). Have a little scroll through if you want, people make a lot of cool stuff and perhaps you'll see something you like.

4. MAGICAL JOHN

He is also a tumblr sexyman he's on the wiki. If you haven't seen rt's miitopia series he's a character in that. Rtumblr fell in love with him and likes to ship him with Chat. I thought it was important to include him because he's still quite popular even after like 2 years. Someone else talk about him more I can't write any more. The dandelion theory

That's all I got

If you do have a question don't be shy you can always go "hey what the FUCK is this! #rtumblr" and we will run to you with many many links.

[sitp-recs]

Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss

Harry/Draco, minor Harry/Ron and Draco/Blaise (2022, Mature, 35k)

It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup. In which Harry is Hogwarts' star Seeker, Draco is on the bench, and they both have a thing or two to learn about playing for the same team.

Draco hated that, the way Potter would sneak up on him, proving he’d been listening. He had always seemed to be caught up in his own head, never paying attention to anything or anyone but himself, but now that Draco was starting to know him, he was beginning to see the truth of Potter.

When I started this blog over two years ago, I’d write (smaller, but still) recs for every fic I liked. At some point I was reccing up to 3 fics a day and started bookmarking them all to keep track of my own recs - maybe that’s why I got more than 600 bookmarks lol - and it was really fun and fulfilling, but it also demanded A LOT of time and energy. As they both became scarce, I changed strategies and decided to only rec fics that touched me in a more personal way. These days I write recs mostly on a whim; it happens less and less because I’m not reading as much, sure, but also because it needs to be a frantic urge, almost like a trance, and it needs to hit me right after I’m finished a fic otherwise it won’t be fresh in my mind.

I’ve wanted to rec something from E for so long and after being left intrigued and impressed by any day now and licence to kill (two solid recs if you haven’t read those yet!) I couldn’t see what was holding me back. Now I ask myself if I had been waiting for Eager for the Sky. And not necessarily because it’s the perfect fit for my tastes - in fact, I barely read or care for 8th year fics nowadays - but because this fic found me at the moment I needed it the most. Coming back from a brief hiatus (that felt longer than life itself) right before Christmas last year, I can say that reading this was a refreshing and lovely experience, but also magical in many ways. And funnily enough, this rec has been sitting in my drafts, half-finished, since January. Once again, something I couldn’t figure out was holding me back until I saw this gorgeous binding post by @a-gay-old-time (go check it right now!!) and I accidentally found out that last week was E’s one year fandomversary! Perfect timing to wrap this up and post it as a humble homage to one of the authors whose talent I’ve enjoyed and admired the most in the past year. What a gift to have you in this fandom, and what a privilege to read this incredible 8th year romance!

Way beyond the delight of watching Draco and Harry fall in love over the course of a (very cool and inventive) Quidditch championship, I was so touched by the amount of tenderness, youth and heart this story coveys. There is something unbearably sweet about an enemies to friends to lovers journey that explores the wonders of being young and free to flirt, experience and discover. I could feel the joy of falling in love all over again through every line here, through every knowing smile and surreptitious touch. The slow burn is masterfully done in a way that never feels empty, boring or dragged. Every little moment brings new discoveries about each other and is important to bring them together as friends, and then as lovers.

It’s worth mentioning that there’s a fair amount of longing, UST and some infuriating delicious cockblocking but somehow the way it’s written and the context it’s given make the experience even sweeter and more rewarding. I was in no rush to see this over and found it very charming that they saw value in wanting, teasing, flirting, chasing. Because I really ready young Drarry I had almost forgotten how fun a pining Draco can be in all his teenage complexity, capable of signaling confidence, vulnerability, inadequacy and tenderness all at once.

His emotions felt so very real I could feel a lump in my throat, and I was especially moved by his genuine response to Harry’s prior involvement with Ron (Be still my Rarry heart!!! For those wondering: this is a minor but significant plot point that made my heart ache and grow twice its size, I’m so soft for this brOTP! By the way - side Rarry & Blaco? A fic after my own heart!). Even more brilliant is the fact that E published Eager for the Sky and July Tree pretty much back to back and these two fantastic 8th year tales complement each other perfectly. They got a very different tone from her usual edgy “mature Drarry” which I also love - and maybe that’s why I was caught off guard by how fast I felt emotionally connected to this softer, more innocent brand of love. Not to mention that superb art by @upthehillart - killing me softly as per usual, with the ultimate teenage Drarry headcanon what a treat!!

This fic was exactly what I needed and it gave me the delicious catharsis I was looking for without really knowing. It pulled me back into the fandom with its light, easy, unpretentious young romance, sprinkled with some excellent dialogue and charming banter that will make you laugh out loud at their sass, plus a sweet and delightful mix of curious, inexperienced but extremely insightful and lovable characters. I’m so happy I found this fic and that I got to write a rec for it! Thank you E for sharing this beauty and so many other fantastic stories with us - I’m delighted to share this space with you and can’t wait to see what comes next 💜

Read on AO3

[aisa-newaccount]

waiting for your readings aisa. But why do you keep on deletin ur accs?

Hi! Great question! This will be a long post, so please only read if you have the time to read it.

For context, I joined Tumblr as @/aisabts and did readings continuously for bts tarot. But it felt unfulfilling after a bit and the community was overwhelmingly full of negativity so I decided to leave. I made a lot of great friends on Tumblr both readers and nonreaders alike, so I contacted them separately on a non-tarot account, and they encouraged me to come back as a reader. I thought why not after some time and came back some time in 2022 or 2023 (can not remember).

I started doing readings again as @/aisanakismet then settled down to @/aisaariel. In case anyone was wondering, "Kismet" because it's an Arabic/Persian/Turkish term for fate and destiny. I was hoping my blog would be a place where a lot of people can interact and heal with one another. I also wanted to offer guidance to those who wanted to reach out and chat with me. "Ariel" from The Little Mermaid because I was thinking about changing my username once and for all and had "Under the Sea" play in my head a bunch. I also liked how Ariel got her voice back from Ursula in the end. Lots and lots of powerful symbolism that I loved.

I deleted @/aisaariel due to personal life circumstances. Some of you all may remember my posts about going on hiatus or taking breaks due to things that kept happening in my life. I was not lying at all. Truly, so many different things happened during 2023 and 2024 that I would have never expected, and I was almost never logged in to Tumblr except a couple times I visited to chat with friends, do a couple readings here and there, and catch up on what was going on in the Tumblr community. I felt there was really no point in keeping the blog going because I would not have been able to consistently fulfill my responsibilities as a reader.

I deleted my blog and I lingered. I saw some anons mentioning me and how they were upset about how I left and I never thought that anyone would necessarily care or notice! The goal was to quietly delete my blog. At that point, a lot of my long-time tarot friends were inactive or deleting their blogs too so I no longer felt called to stay either. I came back and even announced myself in bts tarot since a lot of you all found me through bts tarot because I thought it would be nice to still continue aisaariel but do general readings for you anons specifically rather than any kpop readings.

But, alas, I'm sad to say that I think it's really time for me to go. I deleted @/aisaariel for a reason and I do not think I should start this blog only to not be able to commit to it and possibly delete it again in the future after doing readings.

Thank you to all of you all that reached out to me with such warm welcomes and I am really sorry that I am letting some of you down by leaving again. Whether you liked me or not, were rude to me or not, thought/think I'm just seeking attention with this blog/post or not, I will really miss every single one of you. You all are really really really special people who deserve lots of love, happiness, and blessings in this world. I cannot imagine how my life would have been without interacting with you lovely life fighters and warriors! (This is a compliment. I was always so impressed by how you all were so resilient no matter what happened in your lives.) Please know that any and all "Aisa" readings were done solely through the guidance of my tarot cards, intuition (checked so many times to make sure it was not my personal bias or opinion affecting the reading), and spiritual guides. All readings were completely authentic and each post was a virtual manifestation of my love, time, energy, and efforts.

If I ever hurt anyone's feelings throughout my time here, please know that I did not intend on that at all. I have always genuinely wanted to have a good time here with everyone and to share and stand for love and positivity. I can confidently swear that I have never partaken in any form of online bullying, hating, or fighting. Whenever/If I had an issue with someone, I specifically reached out via Tumblr messages to talk about it, not harass or attack someone. I do not know if there was/is anyone (hopefully not), but if someone said/says I partook in any form of "hatred" or "drama" for whatever reason, please know that they are lying and spreading false rumors about me.

I trust that above all, I Aisa am known and remembered for my integrity and credibility as a tarot reader and my love for the readings I have done in this tarot community. From today and on, there will be no return of Aisa (me) as a tarot reader in the community ever again. I will only linger and see what is going on in the community from time to time whenever life allows me to do so.

Thank you so much for the support you all have shown me, and I love you all endlessly.

"The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets." Don't ever let anyone discourage you from embracing yourself, your dreams, and your future.

Live on, shine on, love on.

Love, 愛sa

[infinitetbr]

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë - Book review

Rating: 5/5. This was definitely one of my favourite books of all time, here's why...

I started reading this book in March of 2022 but stopped after reading two chapters, mostly because I felt really intimidated by the language (as English is not my first language). So I soft-DNFed it, and I'm glad I did because I was 100% not ready to read it then. I wasn't ready for the language, nor was I ready for the contents of this wonderful book. I came back to Wuthering Heights in January 2024 after a friend convinced me to read it, and I loved it. I read the book in a week (while balancing school and such). The English is not easy, but it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I could understand it without too many problems, and I'd say It was a pretty smooth read.

Short, spoiler-free summary: Wuthering Heights is a classic gothic novel by Emily Bronte that follows the love story (Although it's debatable if you can even call it a love story) between Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff. The novel is set in Yorkshire, England, and includes themes of passion, revenge, and redemption. Cathy and Heathcliff are forced to struggle against the harsh environment and social constraints of their time, and it all leads to tragedy. It also takes place over several decades (1770-1803ish).

What I liked (Spoiler-free): Now as I'm just starting this blog, I'm reviewing books I read a while ago so my memory isn't super refreshed and they won't be that long and detailed, but I'll post more reviews of books I recently finished after I get the hang of this.

Anyway, my thoughts. If you love a dramatic book that'll keep you entertained but also still be well-written enough to resonate with you when you're finished (and while you read), this is the book for you. To me, there wasn't a single boring moment in the book-- not even the start, which is usually fairly boring as you're trying to get into the story and you know nothing about anyone.

In the opening scene, the book already manages to create a sense of dread and suspense. From describing the melancholic and harsh environment of the moors to the shady actions of the main characters, it all gives you a great idea of where the story is heading.

The dialogue is very lively, though unrealistic (In today's standard anyway, who knows they might've been this dramatic in the 18th and 19th century...) but you will not get bored whenever you read the monologues or dialogues. I also found it very poetic at times, so the dialogue wasn't just entertaining but also very beautiful at times.

Its characters are deeply flawed, and that's what makes it so good. You might relate to Heathcliff for one second and be completely horrified by his actions in the other. They're realistic and human, they're not completely evil or completely good. They are driven (the two main characters specifically) by passion, but they are also stubborn, ambitious, and selfish, which leads them to make mistakes that have dire consequences. The other characters also react very naturally to the events that happen, especially our narrator Nelly, Cathy and Heathcliff's old nurse. But I'd say that the main characters are well-developed, with a clear and consistent arc throughout the story that showcases their transformation into tortured souls.

The novel's pacing is slow and deliberate, building up to the dramatic and explosive climax that reveals the extent of the characters' devotion to each other. But despite the slow pacing, the story stays very entertaining so you won't feel it drag on once/if you're really immersed-- so no I wouldn't call this a quick read you can squeeze in to get to your reading goal or a book you can have in your bag to read a few pages whenever. The experience would be better if you sat down and took your time, and it's truly an experience.

When it comes to tropes, the book is reliant on classic tropes of Gothic fiction, like an eerie and isolated setting, supernatural elements ("Ghosts" and stuff), and the presence of a (usually class-related) forbidden romance.

What I liked (Spoilers): My God this book was soul-wrenching!! The dialogue was gorgeous and poetic, whenever Cathy and Heathcliff talked about each other I was always moved. The part that really got me to get into the book was in volume 1, chapter 3 when Heathcliff almost throws himself out of the window screaming for Cathy after Lockwood told him that he thought a ghost was begging to be let in. The entire dialogue between Cathy and Nelly where Cathy confessed her love for Heathcliff was of course the most memorable and the one everyone mentions the most, and I definitely understand why as it's beautifully written and full of emotions. But my favourite parts (No I can't choose between them) of this book were 100%

When Heathcliff returned after disappearing for years. His reunion with Cathy was so passionate that I almost cried, and the dialogue, the "You have killed me and thrive on it." -- "You have killed yourself... I have not broken your heart, you have broken it, and in breaking it, you have broken mine... I forgive what you have done to me. I love my murderer, but yours! How can I?" (Volume 2, chapter 1) oh my GOD I was floored. Amazing.

When Heathcliff found out Cathy was dead after childbirth and lashed out. "Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest, as long as I am living! You said I killed you, haunt me then! The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe, I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always, take any form, drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! ...I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!" (Volume 2, Chapter 2) I mean if you put the sheer beauty of it aside, you can really see how corrupt and dark these characters are.

What I didn't like (Spoiler free): To be honest there wasn't much I didn't like about this book other than the fact that it was really hard to understand what Joseph was saying because he spoke in an accent and Bronte kind of wrote everything he said phonetically. But this could be made easier if you listen to a British-speaking audiobook while you read because it's easier to understand what he's saying when you're listening to someone British reading it out loud. I recommend this audiobook, it was very fun. (Slight spoilers now, but not really, but I'm putting this to be safe) I also would've kind of liked it if they explored the paranormal aspect of the story more, like the ghost stuff was only mentioned like twice and I think it would've given the book more of a gothic flare if she continued haunting him both mentally and physically. But it's not really something that would ruin the book for me.

My favourite quote would probably be: "In every cloud, in every tree-- filling the air at night, and caught by glimpses in every object, by day I am surrounded with her image! The most ordinary faces of me, and women-- my own features-- mock me with a resemblance. The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist and that I have lost her!" (Volume 2, chapter 14)

Reasons why you might not enjoy it:

Complex language, this was written in the 19th century and uses language that may be difficult to understand for some readers. Don't feel bad, I was 'readers' when I picked it up for the first time.

Slow pacing, the book's pacing is slow and intense, which may not be to everyone's taste. You may find it difficult to get invested in the story.

Dark themes, the story is pretty dark, some might say a bit too dark so that might be a reason you might not like it if you're not into that.

Unlikeable characters, they're not meant to be likable but they can irritate you and ruin your reading experience (I'm looking at you Linton Jr)

Similar book(s) you might like after (that I personally liked):

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

So if you're interested in Gothic literature or simply enjoy exploring the complexities of human nature, this book is a must-read.

[theirloveisgross]

hiiii, i joined on april 2022. earlier in the month my friend sent me a panicked message with a video of harry and louis which quite frankly left me flabbergasted. i was like, alright maybe there’s something here

right at the end of the month my friend and i watched the larry timeline videos by cosmicleeds and well, that was the point of no return. from there i listened to their solo music, one direction, followed blogs, kept up with their lives, saw the entirety of the latin american leg of ltwt, and fell in love with them as individuals and as a couple

what solidified everything for me and truly made me a larrie for life was the all along leak. the ed in manchester line, in the context of the entire song, is undeniable proof

so yeah, very happy i found them when i did. seeing louis with my friends this year was wonderful and something i will always treasure

Jackie! 💚

Oh, my! Now I want to know what video your friend sent you. I feel like I did that with a friend, and she watched a few compilations, but... She doesn't have an obsessive personality, like I do, so, she didn't really care much to hyperfixate on anything, hahshaha. I'm glad you did though!

Latam leg of LTWT always in my heart, forever and ever. Well, that whole tour, obviously, but that leg is very close and dear to me.

God, All Along is insane. Why do we even have that? Wdym I can go and listen to that right now? Wdym I'm listening to it right now? Wdym I'm listening to Louis saying they saw Ed in Manchester and held [Harry] while he played? What do you meeeeeeeeeean.

I'm happy you're here, bringing us your beautiful gifmaking, and I'm so glad you got to see Louis this year with your friends! Maybe we'll end up at the same show someday. 💚

Anyone who sees this and has joined the fandom in the last year or so, send me a message if you want. I'm so curious what was your starting point, what made you go "Larry?" and then "LARRY!", hajdhahs.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I don't know if anyone has asked you this but what do you think or do you have an opinion about JM and JK choosing the buddy system for their military enlistment. Cause like you I too thought they were not that close during this solo chapter and for them to choose that system to enter is a bit shocking (and never knew there is such a system for Korea Military Service). At first I really thought that the tattoos were the reason but when reading and checking and those other bullshit regarding the military, both of them could easily chose to go alone especially when it was quite a procedure to achieve the buddy system itself and to be done as early as August? Do you think the company was the one pushing both to enter like that?

I didn't know there was such a system either, but frankly I don't know much about the military in general except for the most basic stuff.

No, I don't think the company pushed them to it or anything, they probably don't have that power over their will. They all enlisted at the time they wanted, within the date limitations because they still wanted to be back for 2025; but still, the timing was the members' decision.

One of the first things I said about it was that I wasn't surprised, and that it was probably Jimin's idea. I wasn't surprised because this has always been my opinion on their friendship:

It's the first link on my pinned post.

And I believe it was most likely Jimin's idea because that's who Jimin is. He cried during tour in 2018 because he had a room for himself and wasn't sharing with the members anymore.

It didn't change what I thought about them the first half of the year, tho. And it definitely doesn't make me think they're together together romantically.

They weren't seeing each other that often, and to me it just meant that they weren't a couple or like.. they can't live without each other kind of thing, like many people belive. They just didn't see each other that often because why would they, they're just friends and you don't see your friends everyday no matter how much you love them. It was pretty clear too that Jungkook wasn't seeing Hoseok or Namjoon everyday and nobody questioned that, it wasn't the end of the world. Armys were saying vmin divorced every single day, and at some point they actually started discussing on twitter why taekook were so separated from Jimin.

Jikookers only made a big deal of people saying "Jimin and Jungkook don't hang out that much" because to them it also meant that they weren't in a relationship. When I said that they aren't as close as I thought they were, or as they used to be, I just meant that they weren't relationship-close. I'm not afraid of saying things, so if I thought they didn't like each other I would've said it, but I never said they aren't friends the way I would never say namkook aren't friends, even if they don't see each other everyday. In fact, I remember saying a lot of times that they were clearly on good terms, just not as good (or close) as jikookers believed.

Whatever happened since hiatus didn't erase anything that happened before hiatus. Jimin and Jungkook also suddenly doing things together after months of not, doesn't change what happened since mid 2022. It's just like that. Just because things seem to change, doesn't mean that the past didn't happen. Just because they enlisted together doesn't make Jimin saying he was the closest to Hoseok and Yoongi, go away. It doesn't make go away the fact that for more than a year, we only ever saw Jungkook and Taehyung hanging out together.

I think probably the most ""radical"" thing I insinuated or maybe said it, I don't remember, was that like crazy was a break up song and that's why Jungkook ignored it jskdjf.

Everything that happened last year or maybe even since mid 2022 makes sense with them being friends. You're friends with people in different ways.. you think Jungkook wouldn't have enlisted with Mingyu or Eunwoo if he had the chance? Because I definitely think he would've. Why does he send good trucks for Eunwoo, or goes to Seojoon's movie premiere, but never showed up for Jimin? Just different ways of being friends with people.

I think many people also repeat "BTS are family" without even thinking what it really means. They are the closest thing to a family, and, I know this from experience because I also have friends that I know for more than 20 years, people I've been friends with since I was 5 years old. We see each other only a few times in a year and still they're people I can trust, and people I would tell secrets to. Their relationship, and even enlisting together makes sense to me in that way and it makes sense with Jimin's personality, too.

[married-to-google-translater]

I posted 1,929 times in 2022

That's 219 more posts than 2021!

1,739 posts created (90%)

190 posts reblogged (10%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@married-to-google-translater

@crazyyanderefangirlfan

@otomeanimemanga-fandom-writer

@twst-discourse-bot

@lemonandlime22

I tagged 1,477 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#yandere imagine - 450 posts

#yandere imagines - 434 posts

#yandere headcanon - 413 posts

#admin werty - 397 posts

#yandere headcanons - 395 posts

#twisted wonderland - 390 posts

#twst - 371 posts

#twisted wonderland x reader - 327 posts

#twst x reader - 327 posts

#twisted wonderland imagines - 235 posts

Longest Tag: 42 characters

#fantastic beasts the secrets of dumbledore

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Riddle Explain to Mc his dorm rules: And rule 34 is-

Mc: *start laugh*

Riddle: Mc what fun is in Rule 34?

Mc: Oh Riddle you could never understand that without context. And I'm not going to give you context. The work of a health education teacher does not belong to me.

Riddle: Mc rule 45 forbids keeping ä secret from me. I demand you reveal the secrets of rule 34.

Mc: *hysterical laughter on the floor* I'm going to take that sentence out of context

3,039 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

#4

Mc: *Sits on the grass and pat's Malleus' head*

Malleus: *Lie on Mc's lap and purr*

Leona: MC! What are you doing? Why are you petting that lizard when you haven't petted me in weeks?

Mc: But Leona that Lizard purrrrrrrr's. You don't purr.

Leona: Mc don't be stupid lizards don't purr.

Malleus: *smiley and purr louder*

Leona: What the-

Malleus: Ever heard of magic? It's really useful sometimes. *Purr harder*

Mc: So you don't purr naturally... I feel like I have been tricked.

Leona: Wait so you think that purring dragon was normall?

Mc: Yeah. That's the first dragon I've ever met.

3,223 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#3

*At the dorm leaders' meeting*

Vil: So Mc what were you thinking of doing this weekend?

Mc: Smash

*everyone stares at Mc*

Leona: *instant waking up*

Azul: *blushes* Oh with who

Mc: With my friend.

Riddle: *is Red* You what-

Mc: Smash with friends

Vil: *almost choking on tea*

Azul: *almost choke's too*

Malleus: *whisper to Kalim* Kalim what is smash?

Kalim: I have no idea...

Leona: *laugh really hard*

Mc: What... Why are you acting strange? I just said that- Ooh. Pervert's. I meant I'm going to play Smash bros with a friend.

At this point, all the dorm leader's are relieved. Even Malleus and Kalim who don't realize what's going on.

If you're wondering where Idia is, he left as soon as the meeting officially ended

3,376 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

#2

A Twst request where female reader gets hugged by them and they can feel their chest without knowing they were a girl, with the dorm leaders + Rook, Floyd,Jade.

Rest of them are here...

Malleus is worried. Are you all right? Mc, you know that this is not normal. The dragon boy is innocent. Then it hits him. Mc is a female? Oooooh. Malleus is a little hurt when you didn't tell me earlier. His tail wags excitedly. This would be a good fake excuse to get him to marry you. Dragons are greedy and don't like sharing.

Leona just wanted a goodnight hug. Well, now because of that goodnight hug, he can't sleep. Leona thinks about two things 1) How did he not notice your gender? 2) Do you think he's an asshole? Leona would try his best to show respect to you. But at least he knows what others don't. This is going to be fun.

Riddle would be really red. He never would have expected this. Riddle is now even more sorry for attacking you during the overblot incident. He would try to stay matter-of-fact. But it's hard if you can't form sensible sentences. Definitely won't tell anyone.

Azul would have had a crush on you even before this information. It must be hard to be the only girl on campus? What if he helped you? Azul will be happy to make a contract with you. You just have to start dating him. Isn't it easy? Azul just tries to hide his shock.

Kalim wouldn't really get it. He is such an innocent boy. He doesn't even suspect that you could be a woman. Instead, he's scared. You must have a serious illness. He tells you to stay put so he can get Jalim. Jalim surely knows what's wrong. You need to explain the situation to him. Now Kalim is a bit red.

Vil would be shocked. How did he not recognize you female? Are you so unfeminine and take such poor care of your appearance? This won't work. No way. Guess who gets Vil's beauty care lectures for the rest of the day? That's right you will. Vil is surprisingly strong.

Idia.exe will never work again. He would already be shocked by the hug. But then he felt your breasts. Mc didn't you have an accident in alchemy class that changed your gender? Say it's the truth. Idia is shocked when you say it isn't. He needs time to recover.

3,582 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Mc: *pat Leona* Why you don't purr?

Leona: Mc lions don't purr... That's what cats do. Now be more quiet. I try to sleep

Mc: *looks disapointed* Oh...

Ruggie: *Walks nearby and notices that Mc looks sad* Oh hey mc what's wrong?

Mc: * points at Leona while stroking his head * That big cat doesn't know how to purr

Ruggie: Oh yeah lions don't purr... But hyenas do... Maybe you want to test it?

Leona: *instand waking up*

Leona wasan't happy

3,660 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wildestdreamsblog]

I posted 1,231 times in 2022

That's 934 more posts than 2021!

280 posts created (23%)

951 posts reblogged (77%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wildestdreamsblog

@angrythingstarlight

@obsidian-fury

@unfortunate-brat

@delightfullittlesunshine

I tagged 764 of my posts in 2022

Only 38% of my posts had no tags

#ari levinson fic - 165 posts

#ari levinson x female reader - 156 posts

#ari levinson x y/n - 154 posts

#ari levinson x you - 151 posts

#soft!dark ari levinson x reader - 136 posts

#daniella answers 💜 - 131 posts

#ari levinson x reader - 129 posts

#ari levinson - 115 posts

#ari levinson au - 107 posts

#ari levinson angst - 105 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#you have no problem consuming labor without giving anything back and then wonder why evenutally there's nothing left to consume

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

All’s well that ends well to end up with you

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Summary: Ransom decided to finally face the music. And you might as well forget about divorce, it won’t happen. Not if he has anything to do with it.

Warnings: Soft!Dark Ransom, Swearing, Breeding kink, Sexual themes, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: hi loves! It’s been a while~ Life has been busier than usual. Finally made time to write and it feeeels so therapeutic to me, thank you for sticking with me! I really thought I could wrapped this series up with just 2 parts, but I guess there’s going to be another one for the ending. And I hope you enjoy. If you like it, don’t forget to reblog or leave a comment 🌸

Masterlist, Part 2/2, End

“Can I tell you something?”

Marie, your closest friend next to Ransom looked at you with brows furrowed. She sat straighter, silently closing her laptop as she gave you her full attention before she wiggled her brows at you, “That sounded juicy. What is the tea, sis?”

You sighed before looking around the cafe you both frequented in ever since you were teenagers. Your eyes scanned the room, making sure that no one could hear what you were about to say.

“Promise me first,” you insisted, looking at her intently to let her know that you were dead serious, that what was to be said would not be repeated to anyone else. It was not that you didn’t trust her, it was just that you didn’t want to harm Ransom. After all, you married him to keep him away from any harm. She frowned at you before nodding her head, gesturing a cross on her chest as if promising that she would keep this a secret.

“You know I married Ransom, right?”

Marie rolled her eyes dramatically before lifting your left hand up and pointing at the ring, “Duh, who could missed this big ass ring that Ransom got for you?”

“Listen,” you sat nearer to her, which piqued her interest. “This is not a real marriage.”

She was silent for a moment, her mind digesting what you just said. “What do you mean this isn’t real?”

You silently told her your situation. It had been eleven months since you kept the secret alone, since you agreed to his plan, since you had started lying to everyone else, including your Marie and even your own family. You told her everything, even the thing that occurred last week, one that rendered you speechless, one that turned Ransom into a hulking bull every time you approached the topic of divorce.

It took her a moment to digest everything you just revealed, her hand rubbing her chin absentmindedly, “Huh.”

“I don’t know what to do. I’m at lost here,” you admitted, the ring on your hand heavy as it twinkled at you, as if reminding you that you were his, as if you could ever forget that you were legally married to him despite this marriage not being real to you. “We said it would only last for a year, but every time I mentioned that, he shut off.”

She watched you with a funny look on her face, and then a flash of realization crossed hers, “You really didn’t know…did you?”

“Know what?”

“He sees you as a wish come true.”

You brushed off what she said so easily, as if you were sure that the two of you were only really friends.

“Marie, I don’t know what to do. I’m at loss here,” you started, playing with your ring as you confessed to her. “During that time, I just wanted to save him. I just wanted to ease his burden… I didn’t think of what would happen to us, to our friendship when this finally ends.”

“It won’t end.” She said so assuringly that you almost believed her. “I don’t know how Ransom would be if ever you weren’t in his life. Even I’m scared to see what he’s capable of if you ever leave.”

Days passed by, and everything was in reverse. When before, Ransom was avoiding you, now you were avoiding running into him which had proven to be impossible numerous times. You didn’t know what was happening, wasn’t actually certain about the situation, but lately he was just always…there. The other morning, you ran into him with just when he finished his workout. You were on your way to your room just around the corner, your eyes glued to your phone as you walked when Ransom rounded the corner and lo and behold, you found your self eye-level with his glistening, muscular chest. You couldn’t helped but noticed his firm body, his well-sculpted torso. Your eyes widened, his scent invading you as you felt yourself plastered on his front. His skin on yours was warm, his look heated. Slowly, you looked up to your best friend, only to find him already looking down at you with a smirk on his lips, strands of hair falling on his forehead from his tedious workout.

“You okay there, kitten?” He drawled slowly, his voice slowly. And you didn’t know why you shivered, but you did. And the next thing you knew, you were running to the safety of your room, slamming the door as you went as if you could escape the confusion you were feeling from actually feeling something from the close proximity you shared with him. You meant, for God’s sake! You had always been close with him, you had seen him topless numerous times and felt nothing! So why in Earth did you feel something weird in the pit of your stomach?

You wished that ended there, but no. You woke up ready to start the day ahead, absentmindedly humming to yourself as you got ready. You walked into your bathroom, wearing only your thin sleepwear when what greeted you was Ransom, and his body that was naked as the day he was born under the stream of water pouring down on him. Your jaw slackened, you wanted to unsee what you just saw..his perfectly sculpted backside and his hard maleness. Ransom opened his eyes and saw you-and that was when you woke up from your reverie and slammed the door shut.

“What are you doing in my room, Ran!” You asked from the closed door.

“My shower broke, kitten,” he replied with his lazy drawl. It didn’t take a minute before he opened the door and looked down at you. You still couldn’t meet his eyes. Ransom leaned against the door, his face sporting an innocent look as he crossed his muscular arms over his chest, his lower body wrapped with a white towel. “I really need to call the plumber,”

“Yes you should. In fact, I will call one right now,” you sputtered out, you could feel his gaze on you and if you only looked at him, you would see the cocky smile he had.

See the full post

775 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#4

I know heaven’s a thing, I go there when you touch me

Pairing: 6’4 Steve Rogers x Reader

Warning: Soft!dark Steve Rogers, Yandere!Steve Roger, size kink? Bad words?  If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

Summary: You just wanted to try one night stand- for the sake of your sanity. But who knew you would be doing it with the Captain America himself?

A/N: I came back bearing gift for you! Thank you so much for always supporting me my loves! Also quick life update, I have 13 days left in my job before I’m finally free~ will probably rest for a month before I look for another job for my sanity uwu. I hope you enjoy this! Also!!! 4kish fic, first time I wrote a one-shot thing long

“You!”

Sam jumped from his seat upon hearing your loud shout. Steve, who wasn’t expecting the loud sound coming from you, only calmly looked behind him from his seated form on the bar. He was still nursing the whisky despite his inability to get drunk, only accompanying Sam in what he called “boys night”, sans Bucky who was busy guarding his little bird. Or rather, stalking his little bird. He watched you over his hooded eyes, the dimmed lights from the bar making him looked dangerous, but it was the way he looked at you that almost made you stopped walking to him. He waited patiently for you to reach him, his form completely relaxed, his posture leaning against the bar and even seated, he managed to tower over your small form.

“Me.” Steve stated with a smirked on his face, the blue shirt he was wearing brought out the beauty in his eyes. You felt Sam’s dark eyes on you as if in thought why you were screaming at the Captain America.

Only that you didn’t know he was a hero. You weren’t from around here, you weren’t even from around this state. Or this continent. You were here for an overseas job that you just couldn’t not accept- a job that would get you out of your comfort zone and one that would broaden your career. Who could say no to that?

You squinted your eyes at him, taking his confidence and masculinity in.

“Do you find me attractive?” You asked with false bravado. At this point, you were beyond frustrated with the way you just finish. You meant, you were doing your part, you were putting yourself out there. You just got out of a three-year relationship, in which you never came, not even once. You could not help but think that maybe there was something wrong with you.

Were you not doing it right? Were you not putting more effort? Were you not just enthusiastic? You meant, how hard could it be? Other people did it on a daily basis- then why could you not orgasm? And you felt sorry for your then partner. You could not help but think that maybe you were the problem? Maybe there were just women who couldn’t come. Yeah, right. So you tried again with someone else for months. And. You. Still. Couldn’t. Come.

And so you promised yourself that this would be your last great effort in trying to achieve it. You told yourself to find the most attractive man in this fancy bar, and go home with him. So here you were, trying to stand taller than you actually were, and asking the handsome man in front of you if he found you attractive.

Steve tilted his head in the endearing way of his, looked down and up at you slowly running his eyes over your gorgeous form and met your eyes. His blue ones twinkled as if he found this amusing, “Yes.” His velvet voice affirmed.

“Then do you want to have sex with me?” You sputtered, hoping that your voice came out sure and not shaky, as what you felt inside.

Steve tilted his head, his long lashes fluttering as he blinked, as he regarded you. He looked like he was considering what you asked seriously.

Sam chuckled, in his own way of easing the awkwardness he was feeling after a moment of dead air, “Good luck with that. This man is as decent as-“

Suddenly, Steve rose to his feet, his huge form towering over you little one before he collected his leather jacket.

“I would love to.”

You blinked owlishly, craning your head up just to look at his eyes as he neared your little form, the soft lights from the bar was making him looked ethereal, as if he was an angel, one that looked at you with a dark glint in his eyes. He bowed his head a little so he could see better. He could not help but likened you to a little kitten, one that was hissing and standing up more than its actual height. Your head was just leveled below his chest. You were so small that Steve didn’t know how you survived life so far. He knew what it was like to be little, he was no stranger to being small. But back then, he had Bucky. And despite how brave Steve was back then, he knew he would diminished without someone protecting him. You reminded him of Steve before the serum. You were brave, so brave despite the tremble in your lips when you approached him. You were scared…but you still did it. There was something about your gentle courage that made him want to go with you just to see this through. He wasn’t like that. To be honest, he had always thought of women as something that he could survive without. After all, he lived a long life without a companion. He had never understood why Bucky was so enamored and captivated by his little bird.

But strangely, all he wanted to do was get to know you…so he could protect you.

So…was there someone protecting you, little kitten?

He smiled at you, his nose picking up your sweet fragrance. He wanted nothing but to smell you more. He cocked his head to the side, his hand going in his pocket as he watched you involuntarily take a step back.

“You can back out,” his baritone voice teased you. He didn’t know why he said that, perhaps it was his way of giving you a chance to get out of this predicament. Perhaps, he was scared to find out how he would be like if his incessant need to protect you deepened beyond going back. He watched your brows furrowed as if you were seriously considering backing out. He hoped you wouldn’t. For both of your back, he hoped you would. He was torn, but he wasn’t going to make the decision for you. No, you have to decide for the both of you.

“Are you scared, little kitten?”

You snapped your eyes back at him, the strong resolve he saw mere minutes ago was now back, stronger than ever. You stepped closer to him, and without thinking, you reached for his hand and pulled him, leading him out of the bar and into the life you would inevitably have with him when you made the decision to touch him.

Steve opened his apartment door, sidestepping and gesturing for you to enter his lair. You eyed him but he just gave you an innocent smile before tilting his head as he waited for you to enter his apartment. You stepped foot inside his apartment, your eyes roaming over the place of the man you wanted to sleep with. Your eyes found the hanged black and white photograph of him and a dark-haired man wearing what looked like an old military uniform. The next photograph was of a group of huge men wearing..costumes? Was Steve a model? You frowned before walking deeper into his apartment. His apartment screamed masculinity, it smelled clean and with a hint of his distinct smell. You jumped when you heard the door closed, Steve locking it as he put his car keys on the table. He smiled innocently at you before perching himself on the edge of the table, his stance completely relaxed like nothing could falter him. His heart swelled of approval when he asked you where you wanted to go and you suggested his place. Smart girl, he thought. You should not let anyone in your place.

You cleared your throat, standing awkwardly in front of this massive and handsome man as he looked at you with a smile on his lips as if you were amusing to him, “I like your apartment.”

“I like your lips,” he smiled sweetly at you before reaching his large hand at you, urging you to take it, “can I kiss you?”

You chuckled as you walked near him, “Is this how it usually goes?”

See the full post

986 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#3

Nothing’s gonna hurt you

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x Reader

Summary: There was nothing more dangerous than a clingy villain.

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Sexual themes, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: One shot that has around almost 6k words. Also, happy birthday to me <3

See the full post

1,033 notes - Posted August 24, 2022

#2

All’s well that ends well to end up with you

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Summary: Ransom inherited the company. Ransom is now a changed man. Ransom needs a wife. And you are the only one he wanted to marry. What will happen if the lines get blurred and he ended up not wanting to let you go?

Warnings: Soft!Dark Ransom, Swearing, Breeding kink, Sexual themes, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: Hola, my first fic for 2022! Also my first ever Ransom fic! A classic marriage of convenience trope hehe. This is will be a two-shot story. Enjoy my loves and please, please help us content creators by actually reblogging our stuff! 

Masterlist Part 1/2, ending

"You will marry me."

You sputtered out the water that you had been drinking when you heard him uttered those words. You swore you felt the water reach your nose. You didn't know whether to laugh or cry or look at him like he was crazy. So you opted to do those three.. well, the crying part was mainly due to your sudden drowning from the water.

Calmly, Ransom passed you a napkin and stood up to rub your back as you tried to breathe properly. You accepted the napkin and wiped your face. Your coughing ceased and once it did, you turned to him and pointed at the seat in front of you. He returned to his seat with so much seriousness in his eyes that you weren't sure what was it that happened to him. You meant, fine he had grown up as he should, straying far away from his easy-go-lucky version of himself and instead, underwent 180 degrees changes. Ever since his grandfather died and unexpectedly passed to Ransom their company, he had man up. The sudden death of his grandfather rattled him like no one else. In his family that was so hell-bent on destroying just about everyone else, Harlan was the only one who showed him real love. The final act of love that he gave Ransom was the unexpected passing off of the company to him. Everyone was shocked when Ransom took the job seriously, and above that, he performed way better than they were all expecting. You were happy for the man he was becoming. You knew Ransom was smart, you knew he was capable, the only thing he lack was the motivation to achieve greater things. But now, he was a serious businessman. The only thing you probably missed was him hanging out with you, or him always being there for you. That was why when he invited himself in your house over the weekend, you promptly agreed. Cooking him his favorite dish, making his favorite drink, and baking him his favorite cookies. He loved them so much you had always packed him boxes of those treats for him to take home.

You had known him ever since you were young, the two of you the polar opposites with him being an asshole just about to everyone else except you, his little kitten. Your friendship with him confused everyone else, well it did confuse you at the start because they kept warning you about him, but all you saw was a charismatic and patient young boy when it came to you. He swore he would do everything for you, and you swore it, too.

"I never thought my second engagement proposal would be a command, not a question," you giggled once you had calmed down. You looked over at him, his leg crossed over the other, his large hands clasped on his knees, the watch you gave him back on his 25th birthday was gleaming over the reflection from the light.

"Second?" he began, his voice roaring loud in your apartment, "What do you mean second, kitten? Who is this fucker who-"

"Didn't I tell you?"

"Well, I'll definitely remember who that fucker is if you had told me!"

Your brows furrowed, "Why are you getting mad? It was Neil? My ex-boyfriend? The one you hated so much you 'accidentally' ran over his car?"

He smirked. That fucker deserved it for trying to steal you away from him on his birthday party, no less.

"So, do you want to take the cookies home?" you asked as you stood up, proceeding on cleaning the dishes.

"Why are you asking me that? Of course I do," you heard him scoffed before you felt his huge hands on your waist. "Don't ignore my proposal, kitten. You know I hate it when you ignore me."

Ah, yes he did. He really hated it when you withdrew attention from him, hated it when the two of you were in a party and you wander off away from his side. Absolutely hated it when you didn't tell him where you were going regardless if it was a family outing, or for work.

You sighed before facing him, giving him your undivided attention. "Fine, Ransom. What is this about?"

He smiled before picking off the strand of your hair that fell of your bun, putting it gently behind your ear. He held your left hand captive before bring it to his lips, gently kissing it. "Marry me tomorrow."

"May I ask why?" you smiled at him patiently. You never understood some of the things he did, but you trusted him. After all, you had been friends since you were five years old and he was nine. He looked at you, pointed his chubby hands at you and proclaimed that you and him would forever be together. His little kitten.

He was silent for a moment, you could almost hear the wheels on his mind turning, "The board of directors meeting is due next month. I am currently the CEO, right kitten? But there are whispers that Linda is planning to get me removed, claiming my wild days would ruin the company, that I would be tempted to return. But you know I won't, right? I respect Harlan so much to just ruin the company. That's not the case with Linda, you know her. She will do her absolute best to destroy me. She knows shit about the company, all she knows is spending money. I-" he paused, before closing his eyes so hard. You could see the toll his 'mother' was bringing to him. You felt bad. No mother should be able to do this to her own son, so out to destroy him. You ran your hand on his broad back, rubbing his tense muscles.

"So what do you need me to do, Ran??" you whispered quietly.

He looked up to you, his eyes so hopeful, "I need a wife to show the board that I am now a family man, that I am never going to return to my old ways."

And that was six months ago. Ransom said that the two of you only needed to pretend for a year, that he only needed time to ward off Linda, to buy her shares from her and in turn, she wouldn't have a say in the company. With reluctance, you agreed. You knew if the tables were turned, Ransom would do anything for you without batting his eyes.

"Smells good, kitten," Ransom praised you before putting his hand on your waist and landing a kiss on your cheek. He smiled sweetly at you, his suit on his hand, his eyes tired from work. This had been your routine. Your work was not as demanding as his, so you got to go home early. You loved cooking, and Ransom loved eating your food, always praising you. You smiled cheekily at him before shooing him away to do his own business before dinner.

You watched him eat with gusto, smiling appreciatively at you. "I keep bragging about you at work, I told them my wife cooks the best."

You laughed, your cheeks blushing from his praises. Your friendship had been stronger than ever. He treated you better than ever, bringing you flowers almost weekly, buying you food he thought you would like from his drive from work. He was kinder even to anyone, softer, and he was doing better than ever in work. The Linda fiasco was almost over with Ransom down to buying the rest of the 30% shares she owned little by little. Still, the two of you slept in separate beds, you weren't going to think that this was a real marriage, you knew this had a deadline. And you didn't want to think that this would be anything but a fake marriage.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I would be gone from the 13th to the 17th," you casually said over your glass of wine, looking down at your phone and checking you emails.

See the full post

1,170 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Your Protector, Forever

Pairing: 6’4 Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: Soft!dark Bucky Barnes, Yandere!Bucky Barnes, size kink? Bad words?  If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

Summary: How could you, the one he had been bickering with for the past months, be so small? How could he not protect someone as small as you? or Basically, a fic where Bucky saw you in person for the first time and proclaimed himself as your protector..and man.

A/N: hola!!!! I come again bearing a gift to you for my 600 followers celebration! IDK if this is considered as a long one-shot, but alas, please enjoy my loves!!!

Steve’s story

"Left!" you shouted over the microphone, your eyes following the dot on the screen where he was heading- right towards the enemy, right to the opposite direction that you pointed at him, "I said left, you idiot!" you hissed. Eight men were awaiting him right around the corner, but he was moving as if he was goading you, as if your irritation at him elated him to no extent. This sadistic as fuck bastard.

"I swear once you get back I will report your ass!" you promised him as your fingers tapped away on your keyboard, sending him reinforcements. You alerted Sam that his adopted friend was being an idiot once again, making your job more difficult than it already was. It was your job to take care of the logistics, to make sure that these agents, no matter how strong they were, would get to do their jobs without injuries, or if you were lucky, with minimal scratches.

But with you being assigned to that bulky and always sarcastic, no-good, smirking man, with his shoulder length, brunette hair on a bun, your job was ensured to not be easy. In fact, the two of you always bickered, with you throwing insults at his face (or mostly just shouting at his ear piece) and him doing whatever he wanted with a devil-may-care attitude, the two of you were bound to crash. You were almost sure he was making sure of it. No one had gotten into your nerve more than James Barnes, or as his friends called him, Bucky. Mostly you just called him an idiot or a pain-in-the-ass, or God's nastiest mistake. Well...you hadn't seen the man in person but from the pictures that you had seen, he was far from nasty. He looked like a gentleman, one that knows how to treat his girl like a queen. Pfft, that was what you thought before you got paired up with him.

Now you just missed Natasha and your dynamics when working together.

"I'd love to see you try and report me, little bird. And maybe then, I'd actually see the woman who has been constantly screaming in my ear, and not in the good way," his deep, baritone voice remarked over the line. You swore your blood pressure just got up to a new record from hearing his voice. You someone approaching him from behind, and with a measured voice, "Someone's approaching you from behind."

You could hear several grunts, and what you could assume were bodies falling before you heard his voice, "Thanks, little bird. I knew I could count on you-"

"Shut up."

"YOU'RE SUSPENDING ME?" Bucky's angry voice could have been heard on the whole floor, if not for Tony's sound-proof office. Bucky's tall form was almost shaking from anger, his usual stoic face was betraying his irritation from his suspension.

Tony rolled his eyes before he looked at Steve who was beside Bucky, his eyes apologetic when he failed to calm his best friend down. "It's only for a month-"

"ONE MONTH?" He looked at the two men as if they were out of their minds. How could he sit down and do nothing for the next month? He had always done something with himself, he wasn't used to siting idly. What was he supposed to do? Watch the birds fly? Wait for the flowers to bloom?

He was hulking out, screaming his frustrations out, when Tony raised his hand, "If you only know how to follow orders, you wouldn't be in this situation, Barnes. What was your problem with Y/N?"

"Oh, so she reported this?"

Bucky slammed his massive hand at the table, and cracks appeared on the edges before he leaned down, his iced-blue eyes sharpening at Tony, "I'll deal with her." Tony just shrugged at his announcement, knowing that Bucky really would not kill you. He turned around abruptly, his long legs carrying him to the door when you opened the door from the outside, and he almost crashed into you. Well, he did but he was able to steady you before you fell.

You watched his brows furrowed, his eyes confused before he took a step back and regarded you once again. His eyes followed your form from head to toe and you could not believe that even in person, Bucky was getting into your nerves. He was being insufferable once again.

Narrowing your eyes at him, you took a step forward as if asking him to a fight when he uttered words that angered you further.

"Oh, you're-" he started, fueling fire to your ire, "-you're so little."

"What?"

"You're physically small. How do you survive life?"

"EXCUSE ME? I am five feet and almost two inches."

You saw Steve buried his face on his hands, before he touched Bucky's muscular back. "Bucky, that's not polite."

"But Steve, she's small-” he turned to Steve as if he could not believe his own eyes and had to show his best friend you, “Do you have someone protecting you?" he leaned in to look down at your eyes, his tone was serious and you weren't sure if he was being real.

Your eyes found Captain America’s eyes, asking him quietly what was wrong with his best friend’s brain. 

You were appalled at this point, and the only thing that signaled that this wasn't a dream was Tony's voice laughing in the background. "Pr-protecting me?" you stuttered before you squinted your eyes at him. "Are you high?"

Bucky ignored her, snatching her arm closer to him and turning to Tony, “Where is her protection, Tony? How do you protect your employees? How do you protect her?” he asked in confusion. You glared at him, trying to free your arm from his grasp. “God, is this because I reported your ass?”

See the full post

2,685 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[eskelwolfed]

where do all these rules come from?? you weren't so strict when you started

Hi nonnie. So your ask sat in my inbox since yesterday and I thought about this statement a lot.

Answer under the cut. It's salty.

cw anon hate, cw roleplay etiquette, cw negativity.

I'm part of the RPC on Tumblr for maybe 1.5 years ... well since I started with Eskel in January 2022. I've been RPing on other social media for more than a decade now..but nothing could really compare to Tumblr.

The anonymity of this platform in particular is something that plays a huge part in why I started being very assertive of my boundaries.

I started out casually with a few rules here and there, but over the cause of over a year I learned a lot. Learned about the community works and what red flags to look out for. I learned how to improve my writing, how to spot partners who might be a good match. Learned how to tag, how to run a hub, how to run single blogs and multi blogs etc.

Through RPing on here I also realized a lot about what bothers me. Which wasn't all that clear to me. So over time I collected turn offs and turn ons, limits and likes.

That's a universal experience, a lot of RP partners told me the same.

As a people pleaser I tried to not be "weird" and have a whole set of rules and have potential partners jump through hoops. I tried to be as kind, benign and approachable as possible for new interactions, since RPing is just such a fulfilling hobby and I love making new friends and partners.

But as I started to be assertive about boundaries, I got hate.

And I wonder for what reason anyone would send a roleplayer hateful messages because they got more strict over time? Like?

Do I even want to have partners who don't respect m boundaries? I think not.

There has been drama, ghosting, hate, god modding, force shipping, mass dropping, vagueing, confronting me with my triggers over and over and over and at one point enough is enough and you rage type your rules down, sit on them for a week and then write them down again in a calm and neutral manner.

This is how my set of rules came to be.

Ngl when I joined and stumbled over the first rule docs with passwords in it, all cap pinned posts saying DON'T FOLLOW FIRST or NO OLD PEOPLE (they literally meant people over 21)—I scoffed. I thought, okay, some people are really full of themselves, huh?

But now I get it. Even all caps, red bold letters in bio and pinned post won't stop people from ignoring your boundaries completely and feel entitled to justifications of the other person's rules.

I described threads as a partner project and I mean it. That's why it's essential to know your own and the partner's boundaries. Boundaries are a good thing. Took me very long to understand that. And it's not a decision against someone else, it's a decision in your own favour and for your own comfort. Not everyone has to like or understand them but the demand to respect them isn't narcissistic, entitled, arrogant or whiny. It's basic human decency.

If someone thinks they're above you and your boundaries don't matter—screw them.

[chaotictarlos]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 aka. 2022 Recap

Thank you to the wonderful @good-ways and @tailoredshirt the tag! You're a peach 😘

Guidelines: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favourite line you’ve written this year!

post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022

You took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces Word Count: 23,520 | Summary: An exploration of emotions. The Breakup Era from Carlos' POV

This is the fic that took 6 months to write. It was my greatest achievement of 2022. It took so much out of me to write, many tears, and almost deletions but it turned out so beautiful. It's my favorite fic that I wrote this year, and one that I cherish deeply. It was well worth all of the time that it took to write.

With love, your soulmate| Word Count: 27,658 | Chapters: 7 / 10 | Summary: Carlos Reyes doesn’t think he has a soulmate. In the 22 years he had been alive he had never found anything that would tell him otherwise. At first, it bothered him that he was seemingly without anyone and that there wasn’t a perfect person out there for him but he learned to grow comfortable with that information. He learned to adapt, to date enough that he wouldn’t be lonely, and on the nights when he was without anyone he found ways to make himself feel good. He was content. Or so he thought so until a letter arrived on the day of his 22 birthday. A letter addressed to him, from the past and from his soulmate. From there, they start talking. Leaving letters for each other to find and read, falling in love through the words that they shared. Will TK ever catch up to Carlos so that they can have their happy ever after? Or will time remain cruel to them?

This fic was a bit out of my comfort zone and dealt with a new concept. It's been a blast to write and I've enjoyed pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I hope to get this one done very soon!!

Fuck my life up | Word Count: 2,728 | Summary: The one time Carlos and TK talked when they were broken up.

It's no secret that I'm obsessed with the breakup era and exploring the dynamics there. I fully believe, in my little hc, that Tarlos hooked up at least once during their breakup era. This was my take on that.

finding the sun in a world of shadows | Word Count: 5453 | Chapters: 2 / 10 | Summary: In a post-apocalyptical world, two lost souls find each other.

This is another one that took me out of my comfort zone but it's been really fun to write and build the world. I have chapter three done and I need to post it, this is another one I'm hoping to get done this year.

It was always you | Word Count: 3333 | Summary: Sometimes in order to find out just how much you’re meant to be with someone, you have to fall apart and lose them first.

This is one of those getting back together fic's but I adore it so much. I love a good ex's to lovers fic and I love how this one turned out. It was a joy to write.

4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year I have so many I'm excited for.

(along with the two mentioned above):

TK POV Breakup Era Fic - this is a companion fic to the Carlos POV Breakup Era Fic and shows TK's side of things. It's slowly coming along but it's gonna be good and my hope is to have it done by summer!

Sequel to Carlos & TK Breakup Era Fic - this will focus on how and why TK come back together. It'll be canon divergence and won't follow along with how they got back together in canon, but I like the spin on it that I've decided to go with. I think it'll be a fun fic and it'll include a lot of conversations we missed.

[Redacted] Tarlos AU - 😉😏 this one is yet to be started but I have it mapped out. I'm keeping a little hush on the details, though. Sometimes it's fun to have surprises 😘

Secret Dating AU - Professor!TK x Social Worker!Carlos. This one I am currently writing and already has 4 chapters. I'm hoping to write it all out before I start posting it. This is another one I hope to have done by summer.

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

Length - My fics this year were longer and more fleshed out. They and more details and really went into the story rather than just brushed the surface.

Dialogue - I always feel like my dialogue is bad, but I think I improved on it this year. Hopefully I'll improve more on it this coming year too.

Ideas - I think my ideas have been better in general, which is really nice.

top 2 resolutions

Writing for myself and my pleasures which includes not being as upset / obsessed over numbers and how people might react to what I write. At the end of the day I need to be the one happy with the content I create, other people liking it is just a bonus.

Keeping in mind that I do this for fun. This is a fun past time and it shouldn't be stressful. Nobody knows me in real life, they only know a fraction of who I am and they may or may not make an accurate judgement of myself. And that's okay. As long as I'm having fun, that's all that matters.

number 1 favourite line you’ve written this year!

That’s what he got for thinking - a broken heart and an empty home that didn’t feel like home without TK. - which, of course, is from Carlos Breakup Era Fic

No pressure tags: @11thstreetvigilante @theghostofashton @bubblesandroses8 @mooshkat @cowlos-reyes @thebumblecee @noxsoulmate @detective-giggles

[drunktuesdays]

I posted 1,990 times in 2022

That's 985 more posts than 2021!

254 posts created (13%)

1,736 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theroseandthebeast

@orange-catsidy

@thevaudevillescene

@kissing-monsters

@dykecassidy

I tagged 1,885 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#wrestling - 666 posts

#i know that's right - 110 posts

#asks - 61 posts

#matt jackson - 60 posts

#i know that’s right - 56 posts

#correct - 37 posts

#my work - 30 posts

#that's right - 26 posts

#dustin - 26 posts

#alpha4alpha - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and buck's so stressed and urgent about being like i don't want to test my couch out. i know what i want. i just want the couch to want me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

unfortunately real shit

334 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#4

THE MEDICINE IS NOT WORKING BUT I AM STILL HERE.

395 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

#3

Why I Am Not Coming Into Work Today

Dear employers,

I will have to take the day off today because:

☐ It’s December and the streets are papier-mached with wet bronze leaves and it’s so dark outside that the cars have their headlights on at 3pm

☐ I have recently been through a breakup, or I have been through a breakup at any time in my life really, and I woke up today with the absolute conviction that I will never be loved again

☐ A dog looked at me

☐ I got a text from someone for whom I feel a mix of concern and frustration and recognition and longing that is both more and less than romance

☐ Someone made a joke about dead pets meeting you in heaven

☐ Daylight savings time

☐ I passed a knot of flowers that were so bright they glowed through the dim grey water of the day and when was anything in my life last that luminous?

☐ Girls are too pretty

☐ For the first time I genuinely comprehend that there is not enough time to have all the lives I wanted

☐ I accidentally listened to Leonard Cohen

-"Why I Am Not Coming Into Work Today" by Jess Zimmerman

597 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#2

i love when fanfictions make men cry. it's like, one of the most important things anyone's ever doing. i'm currently reading a fic where the on-screen men are either fucking or they're absolutely weeping. just sobbing their stupid brains out. i'm scrolling through it SO happily like, thank u. thank you for your hard work, author. people might not like to admit it but this is peak performance. if men aren't sucking, fucking, or sobbing then i don't even wanna see it. dry eyes? dry pussy

834 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

everyone is fucking but no one is horny

one of my twitter friends recently said that if she could order up a fic it would be a story written by someone who has only ever read the classics, 1.5 star trek novelizations, and their mother's romance novels from 1970, written about two people are so out of their minds horny for each other it causes them to make the absolute worst choices anyone's ever made.

and i almost lost my mind laughing because i do know exactly what she means. there is a weird vibe i can sometimes sense within the first few paragraphs a fic that really bums me out. it's almost like i can tell the author is thinking way too much about what i'm thinking about their id and it's suddenly like we're all suddenly wondering how riding a bicycle works when we're mid-ride. when you start worrying too much audience interpretation or how a fic is going to do or play or ugh marketability, it genuinely adds some weird self-conscious distance to whatever you're doing. and it's the pits from the reader side because it removes so much horniness from your story even if the idea you have is genuinely good! i know this is not a niche complaint--you find it literally everywhere as every sector of the creative internet gets #content-ed and people can't escape the stats of how any given creative outlet does.

but god there's literally nothing better than sitting down and reading some freaknasty person's art where they do not give a single shit if you like it. they had something to say and my god they were gonna say it. i've accidentally acquired so many kinks by clicking on a story where someone took me on the most insane ride of my life and i thrilled about it. i don't wanna read about polite normal regular love. i don't wanna read about people using therapy-speak on each other. i wanna read about two people feeling the biggest craziest feelings of their entire life and they cannot do anything about it except bang it out. what else are we doing here? if they're not fucking down an entire house, well jed i don't even wanna read it.

3,899 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bengrossbg]

FTX and the Problem of Justificatory Ethics

א. Preface

This is my first chance to get to write straightforwardly on this blog on the topic of philosophy, and while I plan to write a full introduction to what I want this to be in the future, I figure I’ll offer a couple of disclaimers now:

I am probably retreading covered ground. This is a space for me to work out my thoughts, not publish brilliant and original philosophic work (gotta leave that for the journals!)

I am gonna get stuff wrong. Tell me if you think I do, and we can fight about it

I think many of the EA people are wonderful, smart, and good. Many of them are my friends, and I hope we can all engage in this argument in good faith.

With that out of the way, let’s begin

ב. The Scandal

In the past week or so, a scandal has emerged surrounding the crypto billionaire, political donor, effective altruist, and philanthropist Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF). It seems now like he was engaged in a Ponzi-scheme or Ponzi-adjacent scheme, moving money from FTX, his crypto-exchange, to a hedge fund he founded and remained affiliated with: Alameda Research. The fraud is massive, and billions of dollars are involved. The scheme, most observers agree, constitutes an ethical violation on a massive scale.

SBF and his co-conspirators are particularly attractive as a media spectacle because of Bankman-Fried’s political connections (he was a top campaign contributor to Democrats in the 2022 election) and lots of condescending and gossipy reporting on a polygamous relationship among those involved at the top of FTX and Alameda Research. None of that is of particular interest to us here. What is of particular interest is SBF’s involvement in the Effective Altruist (EA) movement.

ג. The Problem

The concern here is clear: did SBF engage in fraud knowingly and with the belief that he is morally justified?

The fact of the matter is that’s probably an unanswerable question: no one except Sam knows why he did what he did, and his motivations are likely muddled and unclear even to him. But here’s what I’d like to posit, it presents a problem for Effective Altruism as a philosophical project that the potential for an effective altruist justification of the scheme exists. If Effective Altruism is uniquely positioned to produce results that even its proponents detest, it (as a theory) is, to put it gently, in deep sh*t.

I’m not the only one that thinks so either. William MacAskill, an ethical philosopher that is extremely influential in EA circles, thought it was so dire a threat to EA he wrote a paragraphs-long Twitter thread on the subject. The rest of that thread will be trying to untangle that, and seeing if contentions hold up.

ד. Contra MacAskill

After some preliminary remarks expression his frustration and anger at SBF, as well as an explanation and renunciations of his ties with SBF, MacAskill dives into the philosophical meat:

I want to make it utterly clear: if those involved deceived others and engaged in fraud (whether illegal or not) that may cost many thousands of people their savings, they entirely abandoned the principles of the effective altruism community.

This is an interesting start, and it makes what MacAskill is trying to do here clear. For EA to maintain its credibility, it cannot be associated with the FTX scheme. MacAskill goes on:

For years, the EA community has emphasised the importance of integrity, honesty, and the respect of common-sense moral constraints. If customer funds were misused, then Sam did not listen; he must have thought he was above such considerations. A clear-thinking EA should strongly oppose “ends justify the means” reasoning. I hope to write more soon about this. In the meantime, here are some links to writings produced over the years.

At this point, anyone familiar with EA should be scratching their head. EA opposed to end-justify-the-means thinking? Isn’t that, like, the whole point of consequentialism? The answer: it is, and MacAskill knows that. What becomes clear as you read the rest of the thread (and its accompanying citations) is that he’s trying to thread a very important needle. Philosophically EA believes that the ends justify the means, but practically it must avoid engaging in that sort moral reasoning. As I’ll get to later, this is untenable, but let’s take it at face value for the time being.

What MacAskill does next is cite some existing EA literature that suggests this kind of argument, ostensibly to show that EA has always incorporated these ideas into their broader philosophy.

From MacAskill’s book What We Owe The Future

These are some pretty interesting selections, and I think get to the real heart of the matter. I’ll start with the end, where he discusses “either endors[ing] nonconsequentialism or tak[ing] moral uncertainty seriously.” Frankly, I think the nonconsequentialism thing is basically just an ass-covering maneuver. EA is consequentialist and near-dogmatically so, that’s just what it is. The moral uncertainty piece is very interesting, and maybe represents EA’s ticket out of this dilemma, but only in a way that dramatically undercuts the movement. A truly morally uncertain person just should not be a longtermist effective altruist.1

However, the first two arguments are interesting. They can essentially be summed up as:

The Hedging Argument: Ethical decisions are made in conditions of uncertainty, and standard ethical principles represent a good method for what is essentially hedging, or minimizing risk

The Extraordinary Circumstances Argument: While there are valid circumstances in which violating standard ethical principles is justified, they are so infrequent that they aren’t worthy of concern.

Here is, as I see it, the trouble for MacAskill: neither of these arguments would have a chance of convincing SBF. The reasons for this are simple: dramatic ethical decisions are always risky, they are always extraordinary, and they are exactly what EA tells you is the right thing to do. Let’s take these in reverse order:

EA is, at its core, a maximizing argument. You have to maximize utility, globally, and failure to do so is a moral failing. This means that to be the best person possible, you have to accrue as much money and/or power as possible, and then direct it towards the most marginally efficient production of utility. One way to do that is to run a Ponzi scheme and give the money away to philanthropy.

When you are in control of vast resources, as EA incentivizes you to be and as SBF assuredly was, all decisions you choose to do with that are, by nature, extraordinary. Sure, you shouldn’t rob a baby to save a baby in Africa, but if you can rob BILLIONS to save BILLIONS, then you find yourself in the same kind of “baby Hitler scenario” MacAskill wants to pretend doesn’t actually arise. But it does.

When you are in control of vast resources, by the nature of opportunity cost, all decisions you decide to make with it (including indecisions) are extremely risky. Not defrauding your crypto customers could mean not lobbying the elected representatives you could bribe into preventing the next pandemic. Isn’t the next pandemic also a massive risk? When you reach the scale of billions of dollars under your control, hedging becomes a useless tactic. Isn’t doing the quote-unquote wrong thing the less risky proposition in the face of global annihilation?

ה. Conclusion

So where does that leave EA, and what the hell do I mean by “justificatory ethics?” Well, I think EA has a fundamental flaw that allows its adherents to engage in moral reasoning that upends the whole project.

This is because, by its maximizing nature, it incentivizes the conditions in which the moral principles which are supposed to prevent it from self-defeat are stripped away. It self-defeats its own self-defeat protection! Now, if William MacAskill and other EAs were simply willing to accept this result, perhaps they could survive as a niche, insulated community, although (as is becoming clear from the overwhelmingly negative media coverage of this entire affair) it probably couldn’t achieve the popular success it desires. But even the members of EA resent what SBF did, they find it morally abhorrent. And yet, they lack the very terms to define why it’s wrong.

ו. Post Script

Well, that’s my first post done! I hope everyone liked it, I sure had fun reading it, and I hope I didn’t make anyone too mad! If you’re reading this on Tumblr please follow me on here, and if you’re reading this through my substack, please subscribe, it’s free!

Moral uncertainty (and its cousin Moral Pluralism) are super interesting ideas and I hope to talk about them more in the future. ↩︎