#(honestly such bullshit that they take 6 weeks to build up but can be fucked over by a few days missed in a row v_v)

[pearl-kite]

Throwing a tennis ball for the dog in what is essentially perfect weather, wonder where the fuck the sudden and nearly overwhelming melancholy came from

[sidewalk-scrawls]

Mental health posting below the cut. Some (minor) talk about suicide ideation, so skip past this post if stuff like that upsets you (Also, I’m fine, I promise!! Please don’t read this if it’ll be triggering)

So a few weeks ago, I started to get the sense that I was on the cusp of another depressive episode, and I was hoping I was wrong because a lot of times I can push it back with the right decisions. But anyway, it turns out I wasn’t wrong, and I swear it feels like the world is actively *trying* to make it worse. (This isn’t true, I know it isn’t true, but like. Everything is so bad right now from like every angle. And like I haven’t been sleeping, and I’ve been stressed out for months, and every moment it feels like the world is crumbling.) Meanwhile every time I open the news I want to either throw up or burn down a building, there’s really nothing else. And like I need a break desperately, but I just *don’t* have time to relax and regroup, and it’s making everything so much worse. I’m so fucking stressed out that I’m always like 2.5 seconds away from anger which is. Umm. Not fun! I do not enjoy being angry! But I want to lash out *so* bad, like getting unbelievably strong urges to start fights and burn down some relationships.

Which is cool and fun because this is an angle of my depression that pretty much went away when I went on antidepressants.  I used to have really, really bad mood swings (we’re talking swinging from a great mood to actively suicidal in the course of like 5 minutes), and I’m *not* anywhere near that bad right now. But the fact that they’re back now after like multiple years of antidepressants is honestly kind of terrifying? Like this is the worst round of depression I think I’ve had since starting antidepressants, and I was on them during the worst of covid.

I just really don’t want to do another round of this bullshit! The mood swings played a pretty active role in the worst round of depression I’ve ever had, in which I fucked up 90% of my closest relationships to the point that they never recovered, no matter what I tried to fix them. It was umm. A very, very, very bad 6 months or so. Like I was passively thinking about suicide probably 10-20 times a day.

So yeah, I don’t particularly love that my mood right now reminds me of that (except still much milder thankfully). I also don’t love that my passive suicide ideation is back since that *also* almost entirely disappeared when I went on antidepressants. But noooo we’ve gotta bring that back, too I guess. Fuck me. Anyway, my ice tray is getting a lot of use, shout out to my freezer and my ice tray for their service.

I mean, at least there’s some dark humor that I was so optimistic about turning 27 (it’s my favorite number! it should be a good year!) only to immediately have the worst depressive episode I’ve had in years. Woo.

(Again I am okay! This is a vent post! Will I take this down almost immediately after posting? Who can say. Certainly not me.)

[marthfador]

hi I felt the urge to blog on this as if it really is a blog. Blogging on a blogging platform?? Gasp

idk readmore in case you don't wanna read about my bullshit?

Anyway about a week ago I had to take my kitten to the vet. He was super anemic and had to have a blood transfusion. :( He was so bad off he was wobbling and falling over, but!! Now he's home and has his meds and a little supplement and he's starting to fill out and act better! :) He crawls all over me now and meows at me a lot, I think he knows I did what I could for him.

In other news, my granny has fallen like... at least a dozen times over the course of a month and a half. All of June she'd been in and out of the hospital... thing is, I'm 100% certain that the first time she "fell" was a ploy for attention. Her tv turns off so she goes and "falls" in conveniently flat and clean spots and is like "Oh no I've fallen! Anyway while you're helping me up can you fix my tv?" Only this time she fucked around outside doing this and the neighbors called 911. When she came home after That, she "fell" again in the same spot outside. Again, conveniently when mom and I were out doing shit. Neighbors called 911 again.

But there had also been a few times where she really had fallen- I saw her broken flip-flop a few feet away and she was kinda dinged up so this one was real at least. Then there's times she's almost fallen in the hospital itself trying to go to the bathroom. So! Finally!! After literally like 6 separate visits to the ER, they've managed to get her into a nursing home nearby. "Rehab". To see if they can build up her strength. We're hoping desperately they're gonna keep her. If she comes home all she's gonna do is fall again.

Idk if I've told many of y'all but she really has been the bane of my existence. She's mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive to my mom and I and we've finally had enough of it. Getting her into this home has been the biggest blessing we've had in decades. We just hope they'll keep her- they've put her in once and kicked her out not but a week later.

While all this is happening, we've been putting applications in to different little places around, trying to find some place besides this hell hole to live and be free from her and the toxic environment she's built here.

I've really been daydreaming of getting out of this house almost as long as we've been living here. It's horrid and that woman has only made it worse. She's basically an animal hoarder and between her bullshit and the lack of money to take care of things, we've been living in squalor. Getting into a new home will be a literal breath of fresh air- the air in this home is unbreathable to those that aren't used to it like we are.

I'm just. Tomorrow I'm calling the place we put an app into and hoping for the best. We said we'd be looking to move in August 1st but honestly at this point I'll be glad to lay on the floor in there as soon as the doors are open for us.

I just really wanted to put this all out there somewhere. To just type it out. It feels like none of this is real and I'm in some sort of combination cat and bad air conditioning fumes that are driving me loopy.

[riverguns]

1 year 10 months 3 weeks 6 days

still clean and sober.

I've been scared the last week or so of this thing. Recently, it's been happening every day, multiple times a day. I sometimes start to create this scenario where, at the end, I'm nodding out and I feel better about everything. Not overwhelmed by the future or ashamed of what I've done. But that isn't the end. And I know what comes after that is a mountain of garbage, pain, nausea, more pain, and almost zero desire to live. So here we are. Still not using. Writing some bullshit on the internet to at least put it somewhere, rather than have it sit in my brain. Harmless enough, right?

In theory, I should make connections with people, have friends, talk to them, do stuff, etc. It's weird to ask for that. It seems extremely weak to ask for that. Also, who am I to ask for people's time? That's something we don't get back. Why do I deserve any of it? Also, if the statistics point to me eventually relapsing and dying of an overdose, why should I even bother having any connection with others? So because of all of that bullshit, my only social interactions recently have been work, telling my family "hi, how are you? I'm good, here's a meme" and a few instagram DMs. Clearly some garbage recovery going on here. I could opt to work on humility OR (I choose this option) open a dumb internet site and write some trash for no one to read that illustrates my being the worst fucking person on the planet with microscopic levels of humility and EXTREMELY LARGE levels of self centered thinking. Pathetic, isn't it?

The other sad part is, I do know what steps to take in order to get out of this and get back to normal. Why I'm not doing it is beyond me. Maybe a combination of fear and sheer laziness. See? Worst person ever. Hide, sulk, self pity, bullshit. But honestly, this will be fine with some time. As long as I keep putting off the starting to get high again part. Countless moments of "ok I'm done. I don't care if I die. No one else does either. I'm too scared. I'm too ugly and fat and stupid and will never be good at anything and waste my time training something that 6 year olds in various countries are better at..... etc." and then switching back to "but there are so many good things like trees, cats, connecting to people, staring at the floor. Maybe I could build a cool life. Maybe I can actually do this. I don't want to go back to living in hell and trying to claw my face off." It's like fucking ping pong. Like why not just shut the fuck up already? Why not just take action in one direction or the other? What's the point of this drama?

Ok now here's the childish vulnerable part. I feel sad and scared and lonely. I want a hug and to be reassured that I'm not vermin, I'm not going to be alone forever, and everything will be fine (and maybe even actually good!) But I'm going to have to improve everything regardless. And I can. So everything's fine. That's just where things are at. And hopefully the swelling in my wrist goes down soon. Then will just forget about all this and train handstands for 5 million years.

Maybe the point is to be able to deal regardless. Therefore dumb internet words. One last thing: people with a lot of clean time started using again. I don't want to do that. Scared. Maybe climate change will wreck life before that. Ok time to stop. Stupidity increased by 594 points.

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (6)

(c!Technoblade x fem!Reader)

(some of y’all seemed to like chapter 5! so here’s chapter 6 like promised! and remember, you get chapter 7 if this one is shown some love, so remember to comment and reblog! thanks y’all! <3)

————-

True to their word Tommy and Tubbo came back to see you the very next day, having gotten up early (well early for them) to get ready and head out. Wilbur had wanted to go with them but he’d gotten caught up in presidential matters and couldn’t, much to his dismay. Too bad for him though that neither boy cared to wait on him since according to Tommy,

“It’ll take you hours to handle that stuff, I’m not waitin’ that long!”

So the pair bailed and Wilbur was left to sigh as he continued his work. And the following day he was blindsided by plans for a new public building everyone was wanting to get built in L’manburg. And they couldn’t plan it without Wilbur’s approval and supervision so while he handled that for the next few weeks the two boys would sneak off to spend time in your village.

They were both pretty good workers, at least when they weren’t goofing off and getting into shenanigans. You can’t count how many times you’d caught Tommy trying to build structures out of cobblestone in the village. He’d argued that he was improving the village but you threatened to eat his portion of the day’s lunch if he didn’t get rid of whatever tower or thing he’d started construction on. He’d always kick up a fuss but would take them down before the day was done. A few times Tubbo would run screaming for you, telling on Tommy for whatever new cobble thing he was trying to build in secret. Tommy either rushing to tear the structure down or chasing after his friend and screaming at him for being a ‘little snitch’.

You knew the two were just playing and they never failed to finish the tasks you gave them so you were mostly just amused by the pair. Though that didn’t stop you from scolding them when they inevitably broke something of yours or the villagers’. But thankfully the times when scoldings or lectures were needed were pretty rare. You’re not sure if this is because the two boys were actually taking your words to heart or not though. But regardless, the time spent together was nice.

Which meant when the two boys mentioned them needing to go to the Nether and asked if you wanted to tag along you said sure. You remembered the classic Nether and even saw parts of the Nether update, but you’d never gotten a chance to explore it in depth. You’d planned to before.. well before you’d ended up here. But that never happened. And once you ended up here you could have gone to the Nether but to be honest it just wasn’t on your list of priorities. You’d been too focused on improving the village and then building your home and stuff. But you figured there was no harm to checking it out now.

-0-

“We’ll either have to go back to L’manburg where there’s already nether portals or we’ll have to find a lava pool around here to make a new one,” Tommy said to you and Tubbo, though more specifically to you. 

You raised an eyebrow and asked why, and both boys started replying at the same time, Tubbo trying to explain that they didn’t have any obsidian on them so it was the only options and Tommy just saying ‘because that’s the options unless you’ve got obsidian’ in his usual blunt manner. 

Without thinking about it you opened your inventory and took out a stack of obsidian and a flint and steel and held them up to the pair. Their eyebrows raised and Tommy started asking you why the hell you had so much obsidian on you! But you just half shrugged and glanced away, saying you kept an approximate assortment of items on you at all times. The boys gave each other a ‘what the hell’ look before Tubbo shrugged and said who cares then asked where they should build the nether portal.

Tommy suggested building it in the village, but you nixed that idea right away. Tommy huffed and asked WHY NOT and you said you weren’t going to open an actual portal to HELL in the middle of your village. Any number of hostile creatures could come waltzing through and kill your villagers or even burn the place down. Tommy winced and softly mumbled that yeah that was a possibility. You rolled your eyes and Tubbo suggested building it outside the bamboo walls surrounding your village. You agreed and then you three set off to find a good spot. 

Thankfully finding a spot a safe distance from the village, on a hill too, was pretty easy. And you made the portal as one usually does. At one point you misplaced a block of obsidian and the two boys laughed and Tubbo said that now the portal was going to be all wonky looking. And Tommy was in the middle of saying you sucked at building when you thoughtlessly deleted the block of obsidian before lighting the portal with the flint and steel. All was silent. 

. . . .

“WOT!? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” Tommy practically screeched. 

You blinked and looked at the two gobsmacked teens before realizing you’d just pulled some not exactly possible shit. They were giving you two twin Looks that basically screamed for you to explain yourself. But you just stayed silent for a minute before just saying not to worry about it. Internally you winced at that unintentionally dodgy answer but the two boys just kept pestering you, demanding to know how you’d done that. You sighed, knowing they’d keep on pestering you. So you decided to tease them a bit, just for laughs.

“You two can’t expect me to give away all my mystical secrets, can you~?” You said with a sly grin, waggling your fingers when you said ‘mystical’, just to play up the drama.

The two clearly did because Tommy went on a rant about how that was ‘such bullshit!’ and you can’t just ‘pull some weirdo shit like that and expect no questions!’ and more. You laughed and held your hands up in mock surrender before sighing a dramatic sigh and said fine, you’d reveal one of your secrets. But they had to swear not to tell anyone. Like you expected the two agreed without a thought. Then you took a deep breath and laced your fingers together in front of you, telling them to copy you. They did without question, both looking eager to learn. You told them to close their eyes and breathe steadily and listen to your voice. They did and you couldn’t hold back the smile as you continued,

“Alright, keep your eyes closed. Focus on my voice. The key to my master block breaking skills is quite simple really,” you said as you silently inched back, keeping an eye on them both as they stood there, eyes closed and hands clasped in front of them. Your smile grew into a grin as you felt the strange warmth of the nether portal envelop you, purple tinting your vision as you continued,

“The key is to just never reveal your secrets!”

By the time they registered exactly what you said you were almost totally through the portal, and you started laughing your ass off when you heard Tommy scream,

“READER! YOU BASTARD! COME BACK HERE-”

But it got cut off as you were sent through the portal, the last thing you saw was the two boys lunging for you before your view darkened and the almost suffocating heat of the Nether hit you in the face. You stepped forward and yelped as you almost walked right off a cliff into a lava lake. You hurried to put up a wall of obsidian for the boys coming in after you. You didn’t want them to fall, it would have ended poorly for them if they did. 

But you couldn’t focus on that shit right now! You had to hide! There wasn’t much around you to hide behind. You were in a large mostly flat area with some flames here and there and a lava lake behind you and a large wall of netherrack in front of you some ways away. You glanced back when you heard the portal activating again, signaling the two coming through. That’s when you glanced up. With a snicker you jumped up onto the top of the portal and laid down on your side, perfectly able to see down. You stayed perfectly still as the portal made its usual strange sound before it spat out the two boys you’d come to care for in a maternal fashion. You’d almost laughed when they smacked right into the wall you put up to keep them from tumbling to their doom. Tommy cursed before following Tubbo to the other side of the portal.

Tommy was definitely fired up, Tubbo laughing as they boys scoured the area for you. They didn’t see a glimpse of you, which felt crazy because you’re in WHITE. In the Nether! You should stick out like a sore thumb! And there was nowhere within running distance to hide so that made Tubbo sputter and ask how fast you were exactly! You bit your tongue to keep from laughing and watched them start walking away from the portal, calling your name and demanding you ‘show yourself this instant!’ as they did. You just watched them go with a grin, deciding to let them wander around a bit before you popped back up.

You laid there as they got further away, heading for what looked to be a crimson forest about 50 or so blocks to the left of the portal. As you laid there you sighed. Breathing in the Nether wasn’t fun. It honestly just made you want to grimace, this place honestly felt like a shitty dry summer day in a desert. Overwhelming and too humid to do anyone any good. You just wished it wasn’t so warm to breathe in. If the air was cooler, at least by a handful of degrees, then you’d probably be able to enjoy this place. But you supposed it could be worse. It could be a suffocating WET heat, like trying to breathe through a bowl of hot soup. 

At that point you glanced around and noticed you couldn’t see either Tommy or Tubbo anymore. So you figured it was time to go hunt them down so they could try to interrogate you. You walked along, passing a couple zombified piglins as you did. They each had thousand yard stares like regular zombies so you didn’t pay them much mind. Though you noticed when you passed by the regular non zombie piglins they all looked at you, snorting enviously at your golden jewelry. You couldn’t keep the smile from your face. You had to admit that it was nice to have someone appreciate your accessories. The number had increased since you’d started wearing the bangles. The armorer who first made them saw you liked them and so started making more jewelry.

Now you had the bangles, a couple anklets, more than a couple necklaces (both chokers and longer ones), plenty of rings, and even some pretty dangly earrings coupled with some studs. Your ears shockingly hadn’t been pierced when you’d gone to put them in after getting the gift. Which was weird since they’d been pierced before? But it wasn’t a big deal, you’d pierced your own ears before so you just did it again. And when you’d shown the boys they’d said you looked nice but they just didn’t appreciate jewelry like you did. Though you could see the piglins certainly did, but that was probably just because they were gold. But it was nice to have someone like them regardless.

You were appreciating the gold rings on one piglin’s tusks (and idly wondering if you’d be able to do the same for your antlers?) when suddenly you heard Tommy start shrieking. And not his usual angry shriek but instead one that was full of panic and fear. You jolted when you heard him yelling Tubbo’s name frantically, sprinting towards their cries without even saying a parting goodbye to the nice piglin you’d been standing with. Which was good because without wasting time with pleasantries you were able to find Tubbo and Tommy fairly quickly. Only downside was when you found them it was with them backed against a wall in the crimson forest with nowhere to run with a very angry hoglin ramming its huge tusks against Tubbo’s rapidly breaking shield, Tommy right behind him, both screeching and cursing at each other.

You didn’t even think as you charged at the hoglin. When you got up behind it you acted on pure instinct, desperate to get it away from the two screaming kids. So you grabbed its hind leg and yanked it back, momentarily shocked at how easy it was to do so. But you couldn’t worry about that right now. You pulled the hoglin back then swung it around before tossing it a few yards back. It landed with a heavy THUD, clearly taking damage, squealing in anger as it got back up and shook itself off. Though it snorted angrily it didn’t try to attack you but instead tried to go around you to reach the two boys. But you didn’t give it the chance before you were literally grabbing it by the tusks and spinning your body around before slamming the hoglin into one of the nearby tree sized crimson fungus. It smashed through the trunk, destroying two blocks in the process. The hoglin lay crumpled on the ground, weakly trying to stand only to die shortly after when you stomped on its neck.

It disappeared with a small ‘poof’, leaving behind a hide and some raw pork. You grabbed them up before walking over to the stunned teenage boys by the wall. You started checking them over to see if they’d taken any damage and then once you were sure they were okay you started asking them why on earth they’d come to the nether without shields and weapons! Tubbo said his sword had had lower durability than he’d thought and it broke when he was fighting off the hoglin! And Tommy shamefully admitted to having his sword but… dropping his shield when they were climbing across the crimson fungus. Then he’d apparently fallen and gotten surprised by the hoglin, who had done a good chunk of damage to him before Tubbo jumped down (taking damage in the process) to try and help him. All in all the two looked super embarrassed. You just shook your head and said they were idiots, but you were glad they were alive. 

While you grabbed two shields and a sword from your inventory Tommy went nuts, saying that was the coolest shit he’d ever seen anyone do ever! You gave him an amused look and asked what he meant. The killing the hoglin thing? He’d never seen someone kill a pig? He gawped at you and yelled out that NO he’d seen people kill hoglins, but he’d never seen anyone basically fight one with their bare hands! Tubbo cut in and added ‘and live!’ to the blond’s statement, which Tommy nodded along with. You just rolled your eyes and handed them the shields and Tubbo the sword before calling them silly for getting so worked up over you killing a hoglin. Then before they could rant more you pulled them both into a gentle side hug and sighed,

“I’m glad you’re both okay though, you scared me back there. I don’t want either of you getting hurt. So please be more careful, okay? For me?”

The two boys softened at that and each timidly wrapped an arm around you, feeling bad they’d worried you but… oddly happy that you cared enough to even BE worried. Which was a weird train of thought for them. Neither had any parents save for Philza, and he was mostly just a loose dad figure. He was a good guy and helped care for them but he also believed in letting them figure stuff out on their own and didn’t really offer help unless they asked for it. But you felt different. They’d only known you for a few weeks but it felt like longer. They felt safe with you in your village and yeah you had your rules but they strangely didn’t mind following them. It made you happy and when you were happy they were happy too.

Though the touching moment was brought to a sudden halt when Tommy suddenly shrieked. You and the boys looked down to see a baby hogling ramming its tusks against the blond boy’s ankles. You laughed and reached down before smacking it on the haunch, causing it to squeal in shock and run away. Tommy grumbled and cursed the small thing, making you and Tubbo snicker. But then you asked them what they needed from the Nether. Turns out they needed blaze rods and were going to loot a nether fortress. You said that sounded dangerous and asked them if they had any food to restore their health or even fire resistance potions. And well they had food so, not a total facepalm moment. But then they asked you where your weapon was, and your shield! Did YOU have food or fire resistance potions? You blinked and said you’re sure you had some of that stuff yeah.

They pestered you until you pulled out your enchanted axe and shield. You didn’t really need the shield you didn’t think but it seemed to put the two boys at ease so you carried it as you followed them through the nether. Idly you made sure to leave a trail of cobblestone behind you all, so you’d know where you’d come from and could find your way back easier. And it turns out that was a smart move because you all walked a long way, through at least 4 different biomes, before you stumbled across a nether fortress. Said structure loomed over you three, looking utterly massive and low key intimidating. You squinted and told the two boys you could see a couple zombie piglins and wither skeletons up on the landings walking around. Tommy groaned and said the wither skeletons were a pain in the ass but knocking them off the edge was pretty easy.

The rest of the evening was spent following the two around the nether fortress, helping them collect potion ingredients and fend off mobs. And to your utter shock you three had discovered that you just… didn’t take fire damage! Like, at all. You’d been busy helping them knock back a couple wither skeletons when unbeknownst to you three a blaze had approached and shot fireballs at you, hitting you square in the back. You honestly hadn’t even noticed, being too busy with helping Tommy fend off a skeleton. It was only after you knocked them all off and Tubbo yelped about you burning did you pause and ask what he was going on about. You understood when he screamed that you were on fire. And yeah, when you looked down you actually were. But it… didn’t hurt? It wasn’t even burning you or your clothes. You just blinked stupidly before simply patting it out. As you three stood there silently it seemed Tommy became fed up as he shouted,

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?”

Which just made you start laughing your ass off, only able to offer him a shrug because honestly you didn’t even know yourself at this point. Tubbo started giggling as well which eventually got Tommy to crack a smile before he broke out into laughter too. You all finished laughing and Tubbo suggested that maybe it was a fluke? Tommy nodded and said maybe you just got lucky or were in shock or something? Though that was disproved when you checked yourself and your skin and clothes were totally fine, no burns at all. Tubbo grinned and suggested testing it. You raised an eyebrow and he pulled out a flint and steel before lighting a patch of the ground on fire. Tommy’s eyes were wide but he was grinning and looking at you, probably wondering if you were actually going to do it. You were anxious, because all your previous life experience told you ‘fire bad’ but… you were curious too.

So you stuck one foot into the fire. And… nothing. It felt warm for sure. Sort of like if you stuck your hand in front of a space heater. Very warm but it didn’t hurt. So you just stepped into the fire and it crawled up your skin until it was licking at your face. But you were totally fine. Tommy and Tubbo laughed incredulously, with the blond saying this whole thing was fucking insane. He asked if you were sure you hadn’t drank any fire resistance potions? You shook your head no and Tubbo pointed out that surely they would have seen the potion particles if that were the case. Tommy hummed but agreed before saying that despite this all being neat and shit that they still had the rest of the fortress to scavenge. Tubbo followed him with you leading the rear and on your way inside the brunet laughingly said he was going to use you as a blaze shield. You just gave a fake offended gasp and just said, “Rude.” which made both boys snicker.

-0-

True to their word they’d used you like a human shield. But since you took no damage you just rolled with it, actually finding all of this pretty amusing by now. And after you’d all gathered more than enough blaze rods you’d separated from them for a bit. Mostly just sticking around the sand path that led back to the portal while they searched the rest of the fortress for nether wart and mined for glowstone dust. And while they did that you sat on a block of sand and pulled out some food to eat, mostly out of boredom than from any real desire to satiate any hunger. But while you were munching on a golden carrot a little piglin child came up to you to admire your golden jewelry. You smiled down at them, inwardly cooing over how adorable they were with their little baby tusks. And you almost died when they let out a happy squeal when you offered them a chunk of your golden carrot. You’re not sure how long you sat there with the baby piglin but after eating a couple carrots together you placed down another block of sand before using your finger to draw pictures in the sand, much to the child’s delight. They copied you and started drawing pictures too. Most of which you couldn’t recognize but they were still cute.

“OI! Reader! C’mon, we’re done!!” yelled the blond boy from up the path a ways. 

The baby piglin snorted in distrust and hid a bit behind the sand block, showing they didn’t really trust the two players. You chuckled and said you were coming to the two boys before standing up and dusting yourself off. Then you glanced down at the tiny little piglin and smiled before pulling a gold ingot from your inventory. The baby piglin snorted enviously then squealed loudly when you handed them the ingot. They couldn’t take their wide eyes off of it, making you giggle at how precious they were. But sadly you had to go so you gently patted their head and said goodbye. They managed to tear their eyes away from the gold to snort sadly as you left. Part of you felt bad but the bigger part knew they couldn’t follow you to the Overworld..

After leaving the Nether you broke the portal, not wanting to risk any nether creatures accidentally stumbling through and getting hurt. And with a glance around you saw it was getting late. To the point where Tubbo and Tommy would have to rush to get back to their houses before night fell. So you saw them off, giving them some food for the trip and even giving them another hug goodbye. One you noticed they relaxed into faster than before. Then they were off, calling out goodbyes and saying they’d be back either tomorrow or the next day. You waved bye and said you looked forward to it, calling out your usual ‘be careful!’ before you couldn’t see them anymore. You frowned a little. Despite them having armor and weapons you still worried about them travelling alone at night after they visited you. You think next time you’ll walk them home. Just to make sure they were safe.

-----------

@salinesoot @lady-bee-fechin @kacchasu @putridjoy @lunawritesstories @galaxypankitty3030 @paradigmax @zachariethememerie @killmewithafanfic @trinity-1002107 @hufflepuff-demigod @truthdaze @exorcisms-with-elmo @redbloodtea @heythereimhaylz @olyink @jackalopedoodles @nikkineeky @artsimatsu @hufflepuff-demigod @corpiet @beepa99 @anxiousnarwhale​

[tuiccim]

TikTok Trend: #ItsSettled

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1653

Warnings: Angst, language

Summary: Work at Anvil yields results and dangerous temptation.

A/N: Divider by @whimsicalrogers

TikTok Trend Series Masterlist

You sit across from Billy in his office and prop your feet on his desk while giving him a shit eating grin. 

“So, what’s this offer, Mr. Russo?” 

“Consulting on an as needed basis for training, security, so on.” Billy’s dark eyes stare into your own. 

Despite feeling insulted, you keep your expression benign. You had expected a job offer and had planned to counter with consulting. “I told you, my consulting fee is hefty.”

“That’s not a problem. Plus, I don’t think it's the right time for you to be leaving the Avengers and I think you feel the same.” 

“Mind reader now, are we?” You smirk.

“Not usually. There are so many things going on here and with the Avengers. I think you’d like to keep a finger in both pies for the time being.” Billy returns your smirk. 

“I don’t fuck my employers. Mixing business and pleasure only causes trouble.” You counter. 

“That’s disappointing but, as much as I’d like to take you to bed, you’re worth more to me as an asset.”

“Then it’s settled.” You stand and shake Billy’s hand. This was going to be fun. 

--

A few weeks into your consulting position and you had already improved several of Anvil’s procedures. Billy was quite pleased with your progress. You had earned his trust, proven your loyalty, and was now a trusted member of his team. He had fed your disdain for Steve and Tony, as well as the entire situation with Bucky. He hated the Avengers and was glad to bring you into the fold. 

Finished with running a training exercise that day, you had just dismissed the team you were working with when you felt a breath fan across your neck. 

“Watching you take down men twice your size almost makes me regret employing you.” Billy says. He often flirts this way. 

You lean back into him and look over your shoulder, “But then your business wouldn’t be running so damn smooth.”

“And my cock wouldn’t be so achingly hard all the time.” Billy whispers in your ear. 

“Mmmm,” you release a small moan and rub your hips against him, “then may I suggest a cold shower?” You laugh as you pull away and finish stowing gear. 

“Fucking tease.” Billy chuckles. 

“Absolutely.” You smile as you unzip your tac suit just enough to give a peek of your breasts. 

“I have a job for you.” Billy’s voice is gravelly. 

“What would that be?” You hop up on a crate to sit. Billy immediately positions himself between your legs and cages you with his arms. 

“I need some intel.” Billy states while bringing his lips to your neck. 

“On?” You lean your head to give him access. 

“Carl Creel.” 

“And who is he?” You whisper as Billy’s lips travel up and down your neck as he speaks. 

“A bad guy. I just need some info on him. Stark and SHIELD have dealt with him in the past. I believe Stark even ran some tests on his abilities.” Billy’s teeth scrape against your skin deliciously. 

“And how, mmmm, how am I supposed to get that to you? Everything is encrypted and shielded from leaving the Tower.”

“Put it on this thumb drive and hand it off to Benjamin Poindexter in R&D. He works for Stark and can get it out of the building undetected.” Billy says. 

You pull back and look at Billy, “Will it piss Tony off if you apprehend this guy?”

“Immensely.” 

“Consider it done.” You grin. 

--

You head to a meeting with the Avengers team, but when you get to the meeting room, a different one than normal, the door is locked. 

“No electronics. All devices must be checked.” FRIDAY announces. A drawer pops out of the wall. You place your phone and tablet in it and turn expectantly to the console. “Your watch also, Agent.” Friday pronounces. You roll your eyes before removing the watch and dropping it in as well. The door buzzes and you are finally allowed entry. 

“Good, we’re all here.” Steve says from inside the room. 

“What is this room?” You ask as you look around at Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sharon, Sam, and Artie. 

“It’s entirely shielded. Nothing electronic can get in or out. No cameras, no audio, nothing.” Tony smirks. “Since we know who our mole is now we can’t have this meeting in the conference room.” 

“So, we can say or do anything in here without it getting out?” You ask to be sure.

“Exactly.” Tony says. “We need to make plans.”

“Yeah, yeah. One minute.” You say as you walk to Bucky. Jumping into his arms, you crash your lips into his.

Bucky’s chest rumbles with a chuckle and once you pull back he grins, saying “Hi Doll.”

“Hey baby.” You whisper against his lips. 

Steve clears his throat loudly causing you and Bucky to laugh. 

“Shut it, Punk. We haven’t been able to even be in the same room for weeks. Give us two minutes.” Bucky grouses at his best friend. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry.” Steve says. 

“I still don’t think the two of you dating is the best idea.” Artie pipes in. You and Bucky both flip him off while sharing another kiss. 

When you finally separate, you turn to Sharon, “Hey, friend, how are you doing?”

“Good. Been dating a really sweet guy, but I think he’s interested in someone else.” Sharon winks at you. 

“Thanks for doing this. I know the publicity wasn’t really what you wanted.” You say. 

“Just one of those things. I don't mind you owing me a favor.” Sharon smirks. 

“Actually, the polling on you two dating is extremely favorable, Agent Carter.” Artie announces. 

“Artie, shut up.” Steve says as he puts an arm around Sharon. “Hi Beautiful.”

“Hi.” Sharon whispers sweetly to Steve. 

Artie groans, “Oh, this is going to be a nightmare.”

You laugh, “No wonder you weren’t so keen when I suggested Sharon date Bucky, Captain.”

Steve looks at you with a little pink tinging his cheeks and shrugs. 

You remember the meeting that started this all:

“How bad is this?” Bucky asks. 

“I don’t-” your phone ringing cuts you off. Looking down at it, the dreaded name appears, Tony Stark. You look at Bucky as you bring the phone to your ear. “Tony?”

“Both of you, conference room, now!” Tony demands before hanging up abruptly. 

“It’s bad. Conference room.” As you make your way to the door, Bucky interlaces his hand with yours, pulls you back for one last kiss, and then leads you out. As soon as the conference room door closes, you eye Tony and Artie Pithins, Director of Public Relations. 

Artie looks disdainfully at your joined hands and says, “This ends now.”

“Cam down, Artie. I know this looks bad but we can fix it.” You say. 

“Friday, black out mode. You’re supposed to be single. We needed to release the story and make you look bad for this to work.” Tony throws at you. 

“This can work out to be even better. Hear me out.” You insist. 

“Doll, what the hell is going on? What are you talking about?” Bucy says.

“A mission.” You say.

“We believe we may have a mole and very few people know the specifics of this mission.” Artie says with arms crossed. 

“And why would you be in on it?” Bucky asks Artie.

“Necessary optics for it.” Steve says as he enters the room. 

“Look, bare minimum, we believe there is a mole working for Billy Russo, owner of Anvil. I was supposed to have some bad PR leaked about me and make it look like I was on the outs with the team in order to get him to try to recruit me.” You turn to the rest of the group, “This can work out even better, I think. Instead of me causing trouble, I could be heartbroken. Hell hath no fury, right? It would make sense that I’d be willing to turn against the team over that and I throw in a few anecdotes about the tightass and the playboy running the team and I’ll have him.”

“Tightass?” Steve grouses.

Tony rolls his eyes at Steve before turning to you, “How does Bucky break your heart?” 

“That video will go viral,” Artie chimes in. “It’s bound to, with her popularity and people’s curiosity about Sergeant Barnes. But if, that same week, we see him out with another woman. Say, Natasha? It would play all over the tabloids.”

“Natasha won’t work, Artie. Everyone knows she’s my friend and they’ll see it as a publicity stunt. I think there is only one person that could raise the profile enough.” You look at Steve.

“No.” Steve shakes his head. 

“Sharon is perfect. A few dates, some PDA, and then an appearance at the party. It’ll be sold.” You argue. 

“I agree.” Artie says.

“Wait, you two actually agreed on something?” Tony looks between you and Artie, the animosity between the two of you well established. 

“First time for everything.” You say. 

“Why does it have to be Sharon?” Steve says again. 

“Because it’ll cause an uproar.” You nearly shout. 

“What is happening right now?” Bucky puts his head in his hands. 

You look at Bucky and cups his face, “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t tell you about this mission. It was very hush hush. I need to be single to get Billy’s attention. I’m his type and as the newest member of the team he’ll see me as being vulnerable to being turned.”

“This is bullshit.” Bucky says.

The next hour is spent making plans. Bucky is furious at the thought of you dating someone else, but understands the mission comes first. Everyone leaves the conference room worse for wear but with the mission intact.

Now that the mission is nearly complete, you look to your team.  “Well, now that we know who the mole is, how are we handling it?”

Part 6 

Masterlist

Permanent: @bubbabarnes @badassbaker @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @cherthegoddess @buckyluvrs @sherlocksmanwatson @cap-n-stuff @finleyjayne @caplanreads @connie326 @daydreamerinadazedworld @bugsbucky @chrisevanscardigan @harrysthiccthighss @palaiasaurus64 @rebekahdawkins @maaaaarveeeeel @tllynn15 @learisa @jelly-fishy-babie @fistmebuckyskywalker @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @liebs82 @honestly-dontknow @a-really-bi-girl @saiyanprincessswanie @baddie-barnes @aikeia @paleo-runaway @marvelgirl7 @starlightcrystalline @xxloki81xx @slytherinambitious @sallycanwait68 @slytherdorxmd @fangirlforever2412 @rainbowkisses31 @whisperlullaby @thejemersoninferno @thehumanistsdiary @supraveng @dispatchvampire @juenenfeu @sxbby-barnes @allonszassbutt @y-napotat @reallymagnificentinfluencer @absolutemadness 

TikTok: @juju092118​ @kmuir1​ @somewhatasoftbaddie @goldenfightergir​ @curlyred2020 @obsessedbutnotblessed​ @little-baby-vixen​ @honeygingergemini​ @sheerfreesia007​ @jamesbuchananbarnesslut​ @mollygetssherlockcoffee​ @thereisa8ella​ @kidney9-9​ @msmarvelwrites​ @surrounded-by-superheroes​ @slytherinandoutasgard​ @mcolbz14​ @kyrarose16​ @sxbby-barnes​ @my-favorite-fics-and-imagines​ @theoneandonlyslytherinprincess​ @writerwrites​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ @goldenfightergir​ @angrybirdcr​ @roserose26​ @sloth-with-a-taser​ @thecornerlot​ @animegirlgeeky​ @sagechanoafterdark​ @i-alyssa​ @viinchester​ @kalesrebellion​ @hermione-grangers-wife​ @jassy2101​ @demidia​ @2017booklover​

[tundrainafrica]

So I see your a LeviHan shipper!! I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite?? Maybe you could explain that a little through a list? But anyways I hope your week has been good so far, Sav. Have a good day/night!!!! - Signed by Your Secret Santa 🎄

Hello! Thank you for asking about my week (and my ship). 

I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite? 

To answer that first question...

You’re in for a long rollercoaster ride of a rant because I don’t think I’m the type of person to ship anything to the point of writing domestic fluff fics unless the I felt really really drawn to the ship. 

Anyway, (slight) spoilers abound! Will keep manga spoilers subtle, mostly Levihan scenes.

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

1. The ship did not move the plot. The plot moved the ship.

Attack on Titan is not a romance or a shojo, if it’s not fairly obvious from any chapter you would randomly read. As a reader, I would have expected it to fall short with pairings. Most shows which are not romance based tend to have a few pairings which just suddenly end up together towards the end of the manga because “What’s a happy ending without marriage and kids?” There is usually a trend of just pairing of the extras and sometimes, or maybe even more often than not, it just seems to come out of nowhere (ehem... Naruto.). Maybe the relationship worked off screen but I dunno. Like no shipping war here but the only pairing I had full support for was Shikatema. 

In stories classified as romances, there is enough of a spotlight on the sexual tension and mutual pining of specific characters for the romance to be considered reasonable. In my opinion, some authors tend to sacrifice really good world building for a good romance. Objectively twilight for example had some crazy good world building but it just kinda focused a little too much on emo Bella and emo Edward for the world building to actually be appreciated by the casual reader. Tbh though, this is not necessarily bad because people get into stuff for reasons, sometimes, I just wanna read a good fantasy, sometimes I just wanna read a good romance.

Romances though as a main driving point for narratives, require some convenient serendipity moments and sexual tension which can be written well but as a reader, I prefer to see more natural relationships born out of necessity (Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata is a good example of what I’m talking about in a romance novel.)

Attack on Titan through its narrative actually made Levihan seem VERY VERY possible. If I had to compare the presentation of this ship in canon to at least one relationship in other anime, I would compare it to Royai from FMA. 

Like, if Attack on Titan didn’t give us random subtle hints about romantic or just platonic relationships between the two or even about anyone, even if Levi and Hange did get together in the end, it would have been one of the pairings, I probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow at. 

But they could be just friends? Which brings me to my next point.

2. Their current situation makes it so it’s only natural that at the least, they considered it. 

Yes. Friends is a valid interpretation for anything. I mean, given our hook up culture, people can fuck as friends too. People probably have made out drunk as friends too. Like I have seen my fair share of this type of bullshit in high school and college and I would say, we do not need a kiss or a fucking session to recognize that something can be a good relationship or to recognize that they have probably thought about it. 

A relationship requires a commitment (conscious or unconscious) to caring for the other, keeping the other safe, recognizing their flaws and thinking about them regularly (Call me scott peck or marriage counselor but like I honestly think the world would be a better place once people recognize that quality romantic relationships are worked for).

Mind you, Levi and Hange lost everything.They literally lost everything from their old life, all their friends, all their loved ones and all they have is each other and they’re forced to take care of a bunch of kids.

There are people who have said before, no one gets very close with someone without ever considering a romantic relationship with them. Or even if they never considered it romantic, they could consider at least “living with them their whole life,” or “supporting them through thick and thin.” The things is, towards the end, they were constantly together and what drove them to that situation is that both of them are aware of what the other had lost. They understood each other more than anyone else and they recognized that they were the only ones left in their own circle and I personally think that is more than enough for a relationship to naturally bloom between them.

3. The relationship and the signs are subtle and it works.

I personally probably would not have enjoyed it if canon showed a romantic relationship of the two after Erwin died. It’s a valid interpretation to consider that it could have happened, based on my explanation for number 2 but Hange is commander, Levi is captain. They have a professional relationship and they have goals and obligations which take precedence over personal desires. They are in the middle of a war and the most which probably could have happened was a secret mutual pining between the two and I think Isayama has injected the most subtle hints which are the most that could have been appropriately put into canon without seeming too OOC. Hange and Levi are not selfish people. They have promises, dreams and obligations which they respect and have committed themselves to already. It has also been shown at earlier points of the manga that they do put their survey corps duties on top of everything so acting on a romantic attraction at that point in time would have definitely been inappropriate. 

I personally think, the scenes of Hange going out of her way to save Levi as commander, killing her other soldiers to save both their asses, suggesting in the forest that they live together instead of go back to the war and not leaving an injured Levi until she had no choice were more powerful than a lot of romantic scenes where people actually fuck and kiss. Kissing and fucking are easy. Leaving the duties and responsibilities they have worked for for five years to keep the person they love alive hits way harder. 

Call it platonic. Call it romantic. But no one like Hange would have deserted her post as commander for a few chapters to take care of a sick comrade and kill her subordinates to save their asses if there wasn’t anything between them. 

4. It gives a great example what healthy relationships can come from. 

I grew up reading sweet valley and chick lits cause I was a basic bitch and I kinda grew up with a somehow unrealistic idea of where relationships come from. Call me a late bloomer but I only actually figured out where the romance and the happiness of a relationship was when I got into one with my best friend for five years. 

It’s the sexual tension and the “will they wont they?” push and pull which can lead to satisfying sex or a happy ending in romance novels. I think in a way, media kinda overglorifies it which kinda gives a lot of young people the wrong idea about why they getting into a relationship is fun in the first place.  Because after the satisfying sex and the kids, what’s next for the relationship?

Years of utility bills, diapers, chores, schedules, parent teacher conferences and compromises until someone gives up or dies. And what kind of relationships can actually thrive through all these? 

Those that have mastered the underrated parts of relationships. These include conflict resolutions, compromises and open communication. I think we have seen enough of those two, even before season 3 that have shown that they know each other very well and they have shown to at least have a relatively equal power dynamic which is a foundation for open communication and mutual trust in relationships even beyond the fucking and marriage stage 

5. They have a great foundation of character development for both parties.

As I mentioned above, they have a relatively equal power dynamic. I love Royai from FMA and I have compared Royai to this multiple times. I would say though I prefer Levihan over Royai because I felt that Royai had more unequal power dynamics? (Though I still think Royai is a top tier ship ). Also, they have shown to tell off the other when they don’t like what the other is doing. They are complete opposites but here is the magical thing. They talk everything out. They’re generally open people to each other and they know each other way too well as hinted in scenes before and opposites work as long as the others are willing to compromise. I think (especially in season 3 and season 4) that they have done enough for each other and have compromised enough for each other in the survey corps that these skills could easily be brought with them even after the war.

That open communication is just what makes them maintaining a relationship while being complete opposites very OC and realistic. Eventually, they did probably did make compromises, which most likely softened or moderated the crazy parts of their personalities which is just a really fun part of their relationship to explore. 

6. It could realistically last so maybe ...

7. A good foundation for happy children?

Maybe it’s how it is written because of the actual story and why would Yams write a romantic drama in a story about genocide and war. Tbh, I would attribute it more to Levi and Hange’s personalities though because Mikasa and Eren have their fair share of drama, mostly one sided though coz Mikasa. This relationship has no drama, no misunderstandings which just further supports my point that they have a relationship that thrives on open communication and mutual trust. Drama is fun like when we’re the ones on the sidelines eating the popcorn but I have third wheeled enough people in my life to realize that I will not support a relationship where both parties are just not ready to be mature about it, in real life and in fiction. 

My favorite couples, in real life and in fiction, are definitely those who keep conflict among themselves and maybe among trusted people. I think one sign of a healthy relationship is one where problems don’t become public through social media or through like 20 people. One important yet underrated part of relationships is the atmosphere of comfort and freedom which encourages both parties to be able to directly approach one another before tensions and uncertainties get out of hand.  

And a life free of dramas at least in the early stages of life just kinda shows at least that both parties are ready to bring a new life to the world? Because like immature parents with shitty conflict resolution skills really fuck kids up man and I passionately believe the world would really be a better place if babies were born out of trust, mutual understanding and open communication instead of sex but yeah, make sex fun to keep our race alive.

So anyway, I guess, I just finished explaining why I love this ship so much while also disclosing my preferences for relationships. 

As mentioned above...

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

Other pairings which I support for those curious: Shikatema, Royai, Victuuri, Percabeth etc.

Also... To answer your second question... 

My week has been great, some pretty solid life developments but US elections wise, not so great... (WHY IS THE ELECTION RACE SO CLOSE?)

[coffeecakefanfics]

The 1,001 Clichés of A Teenage Romance (Peter Parker x Fem!Reader)

Studying with Ned was nothing new to Peter, but actually stopping by ‘Kay’s Coffee and bakery’ for coffee was.  The coffee shop sat two buildings down from his apartment and Aunt May would stop in before work every morning.  With her day off she asked Peter and Ned to run and get her a coffee and whatever they’d like.  

It was a typical coffee shop, the walls were painted a muted cream and the tables were a beautiful sturdy oak.  There were pictures of New York plastered on the wall along with a big picture of the “Kay” family.  Behind the counter was a menue board along with a black board with the desserts of the day scribbled in pink and yellow chalk.  

“Good morning, welcome to Kay’s Coffee and Bakery where every cup is brewed fresh and every baked good is homemade how can I help yo- Oh hey I know you two from school,”  The girl stood behind the counter.  She had a smile on her face.  She wore a plain black long sleeve with a small Kay’s logo on the left breast.  The half apron she wore was black and the name tag was pinned to the top ‘Y/N’

“We have Calc, bio, and english together and im pretty sure we share a lunch break too,” she beamed.

“Oh yeah you’re in drama and on the volleyball team right?” Ned kind of lit up.

“Yup, and i’m in knowledge bowl, student council, and they’re trying to get me to join prom planning,” she kind of laughed. Peter recognized her alright, she was the top hitter on the volleyball team, he remembers watching her last season with MJ. 

“You stay busy then?” Peter piped up this time.

“Well I mean between school, clubs, and work i’m surprised I have time for anything else,” She took a deep breath at that. “So, what can I get you guys?”

“I need an,” Peter looked at the text May had sent him, “Iced French Vanilla with Extra Extra Cream and white chocolate syrup and a coffee cake muffin” he finished and peeked up at the girl who was already brewing the drink. 

“So you’re the famous nephew huh?” she teased as she poured the creamer into the cup. Peters face went flush and he started to stutter

“I-well I uh”

“It’s fine, I think it’s sweet.  She tells me how good you take care of her and the trouble you get in to.  It’s honestly one of my favorite parts of my morning.  Everyone else is suuuch a drag,” She laughed and slid the drink and muffin across the counter. “Anything else?”

“We don’t really drink coffee,” Peter turned to Ned. “do you want anything?”

“Yeah can I have a hot chocolate?”  He asked.

“Of course, plain or with extras, extras are free of charge except espresso shots”

“However you like it is fine”

“alright that’ll be $8.27 thank you,” she took the cash, gave them change and went to making the drink. 

“May We’re back” Peter called into the apartment.  May came almost running from the couch to grab her coffee. 

“You are a life saver,” she kissed the top of his head.

“Come oonn” he gently pushed her back.

“Where’s Ned?”

“He had to go home, something about a new episode of a show, I don’t know” He flopped onto the chair cockeyed to the couch.

“She’s cute right?” May smirked and set her drink down.

“I mean yeah, She’s pretty, but she’s also popular,” he shrugged. 

“Peter, baby, she has a job and a full ride to MIT, not to mention she likes a lot of the same dorky stuff you do,” she shifted and looked at him. “You haven’t been on a date in years Pete, why not go now?” she poked.

“She probably already has someone, I mean she is popular, remember?”

“I think you should go for it, get out of the house,” The conversation ended there. Peter laid in bed that night thinking about how he’d spot her in class or in the halls.  She was pretty, but she was also busy, he didn’t want to mess with her schedule. 

Lunch rooms are the devil, they’re clique filled and loud, but the only time he can actually talk to his friends. 

“Come on you KNOW that padme just lost the will to live,” How the topic started none of them new all they new was Peter and Ned were going at it again and MJ wanted out. “Dude she just gave up, her husband joined the darkside, face the facts”

“Actually, Palpatine took her life force for Anakin, Padme was a strong woman who fought for what was right, she wouldn’t just leave her babies alone,” Y/n jumped in and sat next to MJ. Ned and Peter looked at each other and back at the girl.

“What i’m popular not uncultured,” she laughed. “Okay MJ I need some serious help with knowledge bowl studying”

“Y/n, I love you, I do, but I’m busy this week, I have a ton of homework because Mr. Braun decided to be a dick, I’m sorry,” MJ spoke remorsefully.

“My meet is monday, it’s going to decide who goes to state, is there no way you can help,” Y/n pleaded with her friend.

“I’m sorry, I am, but I can’t fail this class”

“You’re right I’m sorry, if you need help studying or doing homework i’ll help you” She smiled and went to stand. 

“Peter can help,” Ned blurted

“I can?” Peter turned his head sharply.

“He can, he has a stark internship until 6 but after that he’s free,” Ned motioned with his eyes from Peter to the Girl.  

“I-uh-I, yeah I can help,” he stuttered and flushed.

“Peter you really don’t have to,” she gave him a sympathetic look.

“Yeah no, it’s uh, no problem,” he smiled awkwardly.

“You just saved my life, I owe you.  I’ll meet you at the coffee shop and we can go to my place after okay?” she beamed.  Peter liked her smile, it was bright. 

“Of course” he grinned. 

“Y/N, Game plan!” One of the other girls called.

“Sorry, I have to go but tonight at 6,” she lit up as she grabbed her tray and jogged over to her friends.

“What the fuck?” peter turned to Ned.

“I saw how you looked at her at the coffee shop, and you haven’t been on a date in years. it’s my job as a wing man to help you get dates,” Ned shrugged and took a bite of the sandwich in front of him. Peter sighed and pulled his phone out.

P:Hey May, I’m helping a friend study I won’t be home till late

M:You’re not patrolling are you?

P:No, I’m seriously helping a friend study

M:Stay safe, I sent you $10 for dinner <3

The streets were dim when Peter walked up to the shop.  She stood locking the door.

“Hey” He called.

“Peter Hi,” she grinned and waved. 

“So um, y-your place?” he tugged at his straps. 

“Yeah, I live in those apartments right there,” she nodded at the building two doors down.

“Wait, what? so do I, how come I never see you?” he turns to her. 

“I usually take the fire escape home, I hate walking through the lobby, and I can sneak in without having to talk to my family,” she laughed. “Not that they’re bad people, I just get over worked and don’t want to take it out on them” they walked into the lobby and got in the elevator.

“Don’t worry about them being home, I live with my dad and he’s on a business trip,” she unlocked the door and let Peter walk in.  It was cleanly decorated with neutral greys, whites and blacks. 

“This is nice,” he lets his eyes wander the apartment.

“Yeah, it’s how my mom liked it,” she smiled sadly.  Peter remembers it happening, it was one of the attacks on New York, The avengers couldn’t get everyone out in time, 3 people had died that day.

“I’m sorry for your loss”

“I’m not, she’s why I do what I do” The girl smiles and kicks her shoes off, “my room is back here, it’s way cooler than this,” she laughs and drags him to her room.  Warm LED lights illuminate the room.  Peter spins and looks at all the posters and figurines scattered around the room.  The walls are decorated with posters of various animes and shows. He turns to the tv stand and sees shelves full of games. 

“Told you I’m cultured,” she teases and sits on the bed. Peter sits next to her.  She pulls out her laptop and plugs a flash drive into it. 

“So this will give you questions and the answer, I get a point if I get it right,” she smiles and spins the screen to him. “thanks for doing this, by the way,” she adjusts and holds a decorative pillow to her chest.

They had been at this for nearly two hours she was growing frustrated and uneasy.

“Who wrote A farewell to Arms?”

“Hemmingway” she looed pleadingly

“Yes,” he beamed and went to click next.

“I can’t anymore, I’m done,” she flopped back on the bed. “This sucks” she yells muffled by her pillow.

“Then why keep doing it?” he closes the laptop. She sits up and pushes her hair out of her face. 

“That is a topic for a different level of friendship,” she smirks and looks him over.  She had had a crush on him forever, and by forever she means since last year.  She admired how his eyes kind of drifted around the room. 

“Do you need to go home yet?” she asked. His eyes jumped back to her and locked. 

“No, I live two floors down so it’ll only take a minute to get home”

“Do you want to play a game or watch a movie?” she asked, getting up and grabbing the controller. His face kind of flushed. “A-a movie is fine”

“What? scared I’ll kicked your ass or something?” she smirked.

“No way I just don’t want to make you cry when I beat you,” he joked cockily with her.

“Oh you’re on Parker, Injustice 2?” she looked back at him and he nodded.

“Black Canary is way to OP this is bullshit,” Peter throws his hands up. Y/N laid laughing at him.  His phone cut the laughter short.

“it’s May sorry,” he picked up the phone. “Peter it’s 10 pm where are you?!” she called into the line.

“there’s no way it’s-” he looked at his watch. “Oh shit, May I’m sorry i’m coming down now,” he hung up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize how late it is,” he scrambled to grab his stuff. 

“Fire escape is faster than the lobby, there’s a window to the hallway if you go to the right” she grabbed his phone and bag for him. 

“i had fun,” he smiled at her.

“I did too, especially since I kicked your ass at injustice,” she smirked.

“I’ll see you at school monday?” he asked.

“Um, I’m free saturday if you want to come over, we can play games or watch a movie or something? I’ll get us pizza or-” she trailed off.

“I’d love to,” he blushed.

“It’s a date,” she smiled and opened her window. Peter stepped out onto the landing. 

“Hey peter?” she called and he turned to her.  She leaned out and kissed his cheek. “A little something for the road,” she held something wrapped in white paper to him. He shut the door to his apartment. 

“There you are, I was worried sick,” May scolded.

“I was upstairs with a friend, I’m sorry we lost track of time.  He set the paper on the counter and opened it.  A fresh coffee cake was sitting in a small box with a note

‘For May and Peter’ 

[sada-siva-sanyaasi]

Stains - Part 9

Series Summary: An artist goes through a lot of things, sure, but having to deal with her ex on a constant basis wasn’t something she signed up for.

Words: 3,625 words.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Modern!AU)

A/N: Words under the cut. Also been a long long time, eh? I honestly had a rough patch these last few months, and also didn’t have my laptop with me to update even though I had written, so I apologise a thousand times. I am so so sorry everyone! Hope the next few weeks of updates and story can make up for my loss of inspiration! Love you always, and as usual, feedback of all forms is greatly appreciated!

Series Masterlist / Twitter Profiles | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

 Y/N watched Peter walk into the building and sighed to herself, running a hand through her hair. “Okay, this is it, you dropped your toddler now you go shooting.” She didn’t realise how long she was just sitting inside until she heard someone honking behind her, making her snap back and drive on.

Each step she took towards the studio was heavier than the one before, her heart racing and her hands shivering. Y/N stopped in front of the door and let out a shaky breath, cracking her knuckles. “It’s just another project, why am I getting so worked up? Fucking relax, Y/N, this is not a big deal. This is like every other project you’ve had with models.”

“Although I don’t mind the whole ‘talking-to-yourself’ thing,” Y/N jumped and turned around to see Loki stand there, a smile on his face, “do it inside the studio while you’re setting things up, won’t you? That way no one stares at you like you’re a weirdo.”

Y/N beamed and smacked Loki’s shoulder, a small yelp escaping his mouth. “Good morning, Loki. I was just giving myself a pep talk. It’s a shoot for Tony Stark, right?” Loki hummed, opening the door and ushering her in while they set their stuff down.

“Yeah, someone you already shot for if I remember. And you shot him too,” Loki added, making Y/N close her mouth and turn away with a scowl. “So I really don’t see why you’re getting so sweaty. Unless of course, it’s because your ex is coming here.”

Y/N stopped fixing her lens and turned to Loki, who looked busy setting up the lights. “How do you know so much?” Loki snickered and walked to his laptop, noticing more support staff walk in. “I just am very observant, my dear. Especially with your Twitter shenanigans, it’s hard not to know really. I think even Thor knows, I heard him laugh at your tweet for about ten god-awful minutes.”

Y/N grimaced and connected the main camera to Loki’s laptop, a hot red blush spreading across her cheeks. “We do not speak of my Twitter shenanigans, Laufeyson. It’s a dark subject.” Loki rolled his eyes and smirked, bowing in front of Y/N just as Thor walked in. “My humblest apologies, oh revered one.”

Y/N smacked Loki again and both of them laughed as they greeted Thor, settling down in their chairs. “When will the models get here?” Thor huffed, looking at his watch, and Y/N rolled her eyes.

“They’ll have to get here, set up, dress up, and pose. Oh it’s a long day, and it’s only day one. There’s five more days till we go back to shooting other things again.” Y/N frowned, biting her nails as she looked up.

“Wait, what are we shooting for again?”

Loki and Thor burst out laughing, Thor even leaning forward to ruffle Y/N’s hair. “Are you sure you’re the photographer and not just an assistant, Y/N? We are doing endorsement shoots for today and tomorrow while the rest of the three days will be personalized shoots of the models.” Y/N’s scowl deepened as she stared at the door.

“Oh God I’m regretting these shoots already.” The doors opened and her breath hitched, only to see people with makeup kits walk in, and she stood up angrily.

“Oh, they’re taking so long! I’ll go get a coffee, you want something?” The brothers shook their heads and she walked out, stuffing her hands into her pockets and humming under her breath.

As she walked into the Stark cafeteria and waited in the queue, she heard an all too familiar voice laugh. “Oh I know, Bucky has made it his life mission to screw himself up in front of the world. Now he bullshits about Tony’s work, what an idiot. Jesus, my head hurts whenever he decides to use his brain. Ow, what the fuck!” “I’m standing right beside you, asshole.”

Y/N bit her lip to stop the laugh from leaving her mouth and silently stepped towards the counter. “I’d like a chocolate cappuccino with two shots of espresso and extra chocolate please.” The barista looked up and smiled. “Long day ahead? It’ll be $3.50 please,” She said, and Y/N smiled, nodding.

“Almost never ending, and here you go.” Y/N’s smile widened when she got a sandwich along as the barista winked at her. “It’s on us, hope you a great day.”

She turned and nearly bumped into a person when two strong arms wrapped around her, holding her steady. “Easy there, coffee girl.” A smooth voice said, and Y/N froze entirely, her blood turning cold. “Don’t call me that, Barnes,” she mumbled, looking up, and Bucky smirked. “Why not, Y/N? Wasn’t that how we met?” She glared at him and gestured towards the drink in her hand. “Want to get drenched in something hot again?”

Bucky stepped back from her, still not letting go. “No, I don’t think you would voluntarily drench me in that chocolate-y coffee goodness. I know you enough to know you love your coffee a lot, and that it costed a lot too.” Y/N huffed and sipped her drink, her eyes closing momentarily when the hot liquid flooded her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right. I wouldn’t, but I would like to go now, so if you leave me.” Bucky hummed, his grip not faltering a bit. “No, I don’t think I will let you go, Y/N. you and I need to go to the same place anyway, and I like holding you, it’s been a while.”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she noticed Pietro behind them, waving and grinning at her as Bucky ushered her to the studio.

“Fucking let me go, asshole!” She barked, not caring about how many people were looking at them, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oh, hush child. We have the same destination, and so I’m making this journey along with you.”

Y/N mumbled a soft “what the fuck” as Pietro opened the doors and bowed down, allowing Bucky and Y/N to walk in. She finally shook him off and stormed over to Loki and Thor, setting her coffee down. Loki watched as she cracked her knuckles and bent forward, picking her sandwich and taking a bite of it.

“You said you didn’t want anything!” Y/N hissed and he shrugged. “With how that lady just ate our brains, I got a little hungry. I’m not sorry,” She looked around and her scowl deepened, fist clenched.

“The witch has already arrived, I see.” Loki nodded, his hand creeping towards her coffee only for it to be smacked away.

“Alright,” Y/N yelled, walking to the models in the middle of the room, “let’s get this show on the road. We got three hours today, and I want them to count. Get dressed, you’re having shoots with products.”

 --

 “No, I don’t like the shade of lipstick; don’t you think it’s too dull? How about blood red?” Dolores said, looking through the makeup as Y/N sighed out loud for the tenth time, sipping her coffee.

“How is your coffee still not over?”  Thor said, sitting beside her, and she glanced at him. “I’m trying not to finish it so that I’m busy till she decides to end our misery and just model. Jesus Christ, this is why I hate shooting with living creatures, such monsters.”

Thor coughed to cover up his laugh when Dolores shot a glare in their direction, and Loki leaned towards her. “When will you tell her this is a monochrome shoot?” he whispered, and Y/N turned to him, a coy smile on her face.

“I want to see how long it takes before she figures it out on her own.” Both of them grinned at each other and Y/N turned, only for her breath to be snatched right out of her lungs.

Bucky stood a couple feet away from her, his hairstylist fixing him up as he unbuttoned the top part of his shirt, checking himself out in the mirror. She didn’t want to admit it, but he looked like he dropped straight from heaven.

“He looks good, huh?” Pietro said, making her jump and turn to scowl at him. “What did you say?” Pietro smirked, “You heard me,” Y/N rolled her eyes and finished her coffee when Bucky said, “I heard that its monochrome today.”

She nodded, picking her camera and fiddling with it.

“Well, what colour is it, then?”

“What colour is the background, Barnes?”

“Black.”

“Your clothes?”

“Black and white.”

“Bingo.”

Dolores stopped applying her blush and glared at Y/N. “You’re telling me that after I spent twenty minutes trying to pick out the right shade of lipstick for this cream dress?!”

Y/N stared at Dolores. “Did you bother checking with me if you needed blood red lipstick and coral blush? He asked me, I told him. You should’ve asked me, Miss Smith. Would’ve saved you and us a lot of time.”

Dolores continued to glare at her as Y/N stood up and said, “I hope you’re ready. Your products have been placed there; we will be going with you first. Loki, I need you to set a diffuser over the light falling from the top and Thor, a reflector to the left please. Let’s get this done with.”

Bucky watched as Loki and Thor stepped away from Y/N while she knelt forward, looking into her camera. She adjusted the lens and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, scrunching her nose a little as she said, “Thor, move closer. Dolores, adjust your position a little to the left, chin higher in the air, thank you. And smile, don’t smirk.”

A smile unknowingly made its way onto Bucky’s face, his heart feeling light as he kept watching her. It had been three years since he spent so long with Y/N, and he was more than happy that he was getting to see her like this. Emotions and memories he kept buried for years resurfaced, his chest tightening as he remembered the little things about her.

Pietro watched Bucky, and scoffed silently. “Bro, you are whipped. I bet you even know what’s happening in her head.”

“She’s not happy with how Dolores is posing, she’s constantly correcting her but her eyebrows are still furrowed and her tongue is not sticking out yet. It shows she’s angry, not concentrating.  Y/N will stand up and walk to correct Dolores and her posture anytime now.”

Not long after the words left Bucky’s mouth Y/N stood up, walking to Thor and angling the reflector before murmuring to Dolores, moving her hands and adjusting her. Bucky’s smile turned smug as Pietro stared at him, shock on his face. “Did you fucking study this girl? How do you know so much after so long?”

Bucky’s eyes never left Y/N as she set Dolores’s hair, rambling about the position of the fans beside them. “Fall in love, Pietro. You won’t forget what makes them who they are that easily. Look, her tongue is peeking out, she’s finally satisfied and she’s concentrating.” Pietro turned to where Bucky was pointing and chuckled, noticing how he was indeed right about Y/N yet again.

“You really love her, huh.” Bucky’s smile softened and he sighed, nodding. “I do. I didn’t prove it to her then, and I don’t know if she’ll believe me now. But I won’t give up, not after I have her right in front of me.”

“For five more days, Buck. You don’t even know if you’ll see her again. And you can’t make someone fall in love with you for the second time in so little time.” Bucky frowned, looking down as his stylist walked over to him, checking his outfit. “I could tell her the truth,” he mumbled, almost a whisper. “And then what? She’ll magically let you back into her life?”

Bucky turned to Pietro, who stared right back at him. “I’m serious, Buck. You think she’ll just let you back? Do you remember the look on her face that day?”

 Flashback

 Tears made their way down Y/N’s cheeks as she took in the scene in front of her, Dolores on top of Bucky and her hands on his chest. “S-So all of this, whatever Natasha told me, it’s true? I thought she was doing it out of spite, Bucky.”

Bucky pushed Dolores off him and stood up, the stench of alcohol from him reaching Y/N immediately. He looked at her; eyes swollen and cheeks red as she struggled to contain her sobs. The fight seemed like it happened so long ago, neither of them remembered what it was really about, but it had gotten out of hand. The people around them faded, non-existent and not mattering. “Just tell me it’s not real, James. I’ll believe you. Not Natasha, not Dolores, nobody. Please,” she whispered, stepping towards him only for him to step back.

“I think you need to leave and stop assuming things, Y/N. I’m drunk, and not in my senses.” Bucky mumbled, loud enough for her to hear every word. “So, that’s it? It’s the end?” She laughed, the sound hollow.

“Did it ever begin?” Bucky hissed, and Y/N looked like she had been slapped. “A year, Barnes.” She croaked, her nails digging into her skin. “We were together for a year and friends for two years before that. And you tell me none of it was real? I was in love with you, for this? Fuck you, James Barnes. I don’t want to ever see your face again.”

“Oh, the feeling’s mutual sweetheart.” Bucky said, turning back to the counter and grabbing his beer. Y/N turned and left, slamming the door shut behind her and Bucky slumped into his seat, tears leaving his eyes. Dolores rubbed his shoulder in comfort only for him to swat it away harshly. “Get out, Dot. I don’t want you.”

Dolores scowled, biting her lip.

“Here?”

“Ever. Out.”

 End of Flashback

 Bucky rubbed his head as Y/N said, “Alright, we’re done here! You can go change, Dolores. If the boys step forward, it’ll be great,” and stepped forward, watching her thrust props into his hands. “Hold these and pose right,” she mumbled, turning to leave when he grabbed her hands.

“I’d rather hold you, if I’m being honest.” He tugged her closer and smirked when Y/N pulled away, blushing profusely. “Shut the fuck up,” she seethed, glaring at him, and he bent forward to her level, tilting his head.

“Make me, sweetheart,” Bucky’s eyes went to her lips and his smirk widened when Y/N stepped away, calling his stylist to set his suit. Pietro sighed and elbowed Bucky, shooting a sharp glare. “Stop being a flirt, you’ll scare her away, asshole.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and punched Pietro’s shoulder. “You shut up, Maximoff. Don’t teach me how to get my girl back.”

Pietro watched Y/N talk to Loki, pointing at the lights and camera and rolled his eyes, grumbling, “What a cocky bastard.”

 --

 “Today was a long day,” Y/N sighed, falling into her chair and looking through her laptop at the pictures taken. “Longer than we wanted, Dolores spent so long getting ready. Wow, all ladies like this?” Thor grumbled, chugging his coffee.

“Slow down Thor, that’s not beer.” Loki chided, shaking his head and sitting closer to Y/N. “We were supposed to finish shoot in three hours, took us four and half because Atomic Blonde kept complaining about her fat face and wrong angles, what a drama queen.” Y/N chuckled and went on to making basic edits in the pictures, before sitting back. “Be careful with your words, Loki,” she said, nodding towards the models walking to them. “I heard drama queens have powerful ears, especially around things they shouldn’t hear.” Bucky and Pietro got their chairs and sat down, Pietro beside Loki and Bucky squeezing in between Loki and Y/N.

Dolores spared Y/N a glance before dragging a chair and sitting down in front of her, as if trying to squeeze herself between Y/N and Bucky. Y/N cleared her throat awkwardly and said, “Uh, I need to see the laptop Dolores, and you sitting here is making it impossible to do so. I need to show the final results to the other two models too, you’re not the only one.”

Dolores shot her a glare before pushing her laptop back a little, and Y/N rubbed her face. She stood up and grabbed the laptop, setting it down in her lap and turning to Bucky and Pietro.

“Since these are mostly close up shots focusing on the products, not a lot of your face is in the pictures, and we will be shooting in colours as well tomorrow. I hope you’re ready for it.”

Dolores scowled and looked into the laptop. “Don’t you think my angles are bad? My face looks swollen in these.” Pietro snorted. “That’s because you got here hungover.”

Loki coughed in a poor attempt to stop laughing while Thor made no such attempt, making Dolores fume. “You talk like you look great, Maximoff.”

Bucky rolled his eyes while Y/N said, “Please, he’s a Maximoff. He’s hotter than you and five generations of your family.” “I’m sorry; I think I need a minute. Can I hug you, Y/N?” Pietro said, while Bucky shot him a glare.

“Not now Maximoff, see your pictures and then you can.” Y/N kept scrolling through her laptop as Loki raised his eyebrows, looking at the pictures. “Your pictures look fabulous, Barnes.” He remarked, and Bucky smirked, resting his head on Y/N’s shoulder. “I’ll have to thank the hot photographer for that. She seemed to have paid special attention to-” “-the product, that’s why the pictures look great. All of them do, and if you guys have any problem with how you look, go to Loki. He’s doing the editing. And get your head off my shoulder, Barnes.”  

Bucky stared at Y/N and mumbled, “I never noticed, you have a double chin.” Y/N’s hand crept to her jaw as she turned to Bucky, whose head was still on her shoulder. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Get off me, please.” He shook his head, nuzzling closer to her and said, “I don’t want to.”

Y/N huffed, reluctantly settling into her seat to make it more comfortable for him. She didn’t know why she was doing it, but she did. Bucky smiled to himself, slowly wrapping his arms around her too.

Loki and Thor looked at them, and then turned to each other, eyebrows raised, before shrugging and standing up. “Who wants coffee?” Thor asked, and Bucky grabbed Y/N’s hand and raised it, while Pietro nodded and Dolores shook her head in disgust.

“I’d like a green tea; coffee is so bad for health.” Pietro scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yes, and getting shit-faced is not, Dolores. Come on, let’s go get coffee. What’s your order, Y/N and Bucky?”

“I’ll have a black coffee, Y/N will have a cap-” “I’ll have a café mocha, and I’m coming with you.” Y/N, with surprising gentleness, lifted Bucky’s head off her shoulder and stood up, brushing his arms off her.

She glanced down at him and bit her lip, before walking towards Loki. Bucky sighed and stood up, watching her. “Looks like some stuff did change in three years. She hated mochas before.”

Dolores rolled her eyes and glared at him. “You’re hung up on her even now? After three years?” Bucky stared at her.

“Well what else should I do, move on with you? I didn’t realise I had such a splendid option available.” Bucky pushed past Dolores and she scowled, stomping her feet. “Three years later, and nothing fucking changed.”

 --

 “See you tomorrow, gentlemen.” Y/N smiled and hugged Thor, before moving to Loki. “Send me one picture after editing it so that I know how it’ll turn out.” “Yeah I know, stop doubting my abilities.” He pulled her into a hug and sighed. “You know Barnes is trying hard, right?” He mumbled, and she pulled away slightly, her gaze unsure. “I know, and I also know what I saw that day. He didn’t stop her then, Loki.”

“And he doesn’t spare her a glance now, Y/N.” Her gaze hardened. “Once a cheater, always a cheater. Doesn’t matter how hard he tries to be different now. People don’t change, Loki.”

“But people change people, Y/N.” Loki sighed, rubbing his face. “You’ve known him for three years, and you’ve been away from him for three years. He must really miss you if he’s trying so hard even after you dumped whatever was in your hand on him.”

Y/N chuckled and shook her head, stepping away from him. “Whatever you say, Loki. Dolores is still stuck to him, see?”

Dolores was indeed stuck to Bucky, blabbering on as he stared at her with disinterest and discomfort. Pietro was watching their interaction and trying not to laugh, albeit unsuccessfully.

Loki rolled his eyes. “She’s trying to get you jealous, and you’re letting it work.” Thor nodded, munching on a cookie. “I’m sorry, where did you get that cookie from?” Thor grinned sheepishly, shrugging. “The barista found me hot.”

Loki nodded, pulling two cookies out of his pocket. “She gave me two.” He smirked, only for it to fall when Y/N pulled a croissant from her bag. “Complimentary goods from the chef, many more inside. Back down, peasants. Anyways, even if Dolores is trying to make me jealous, it’s not working.”

Thor patted her shoulder and shook his head. “You said her name and crushed the top of your bag. Like heck it’s not working.”

“Fine, she’s making me jealous and annoyed. What about it?”

Loki smirked and looked at his brother, who was wiping cookie crumbs off his face. “What are we here for?”

---

Taglist Open!

@buckybarnesishot310​​ @kmuir1​​ @divainthesun​​ @valeriiaaass​​ @manic-creator​​ @mrsrusso11​​ @klinenovakwinchester​​ @roleplay-multifandom​​ @bonkyboinkybucky​​ @sexyvixen7​​ @lostrandomfangirl​​ @jayparker2319​​ @qualitycherryblossombouquet​​ @gallaghergirl223​​ @dee-vn​​ @hailmary-yramliah​​ @thomasthetankson​​ @supernaturalwintersoldier​​ @sstanbarnes​​ @bondiebae​​ @brattypeony​​ @sunflowergirl522​​ @peaches-roses-sins​​ @justab-eautifulmess​​ @winchester-wife​​ @varikasnuori​​ @truequeenofnightmares @deputy-orange-juice​​ @witchything​​ @pessimystic-fangirl​​ @boinkybarnesleftarm​​ @thegayseance​​

 Permanent Tags:

@shurisneakers​ @revengingbarnes​ @sgtjbuccky​ @bluecookies-and-ink​ @thegirlinthegreenscarf​ @a-kpop-know-it-all​ @jaamesbbarnes​ @heystobitbeach​​ @i-love-superhero​ @heartbeats-wildly​ @jurassicbarnes​​ @capsiclesdoll​​ @psychicforest​​ @heyiamthatbitch​​ @lumar014​​ @delicatetrasheagle​​ @connie326​​

[sery-chan-13]

Games

Chapter 7 to '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, violence, bullying, blood, I think that's it, but as always feel free to tell me if I missed any.

"I finally got contact lenses. I think they'll be better than my glasses. I mean, yeah, I'll probably still use them, but it's... nevermind, what do you think?" He rambled, a dorky smile on his face. "If it'll make you happy, then you look great," you said, smiling, honestly meaning your words. "I'm asking for your opinion woman, stop giving me the 'if it makes you happy' bullshit. Give me your opinion," he stated, shaking your shoulders."It looks good! I'm not used to seeing you without your glasses, but you look good!" You laughed, your words coming out in a vibrato of sorts from him shaking you. "I'm glad you think so."

"Dear gods my hair is getting long..." he muttered, running his hands through his hair, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. "I think it looks good," you commented, passing by the bathroom with a laundry basket. "Really? I think I kind of like it too..."

"And how much does it hurt?" He questioned. "Not that much, or so I've heard. Plus, we're getting it at the same time, so... no backing out, or I'll cut your hair," you threatened, your hold on his hand tightening a bit. "No, don't you dare. And I won't back out," he said as you dragged him into the shop. (The fact I've been threatened with that-)

"I somehow can't believe we looked like that!" You laughed, pointing at the photo on your phone. It was from high school, and you were both laughing at how dorky you both looked. "Oh gods... actually, I was kind of hot," you said, giggling a bit. "Have we really changed that much?" Niragi questioned. "Well, let's see," you said, opening the camera and telling Niragi to get into frame. He did so, and you both stuck out your tongues, the matching piercings glinting in the light. You snapped the photo, and put it side by side the one from high school. "Wow... that's a big difference, holy shit," he laughed. You snickered, and posted side by side comparison of the the photos. "Yeah. Huge difference."

"Hatter would like to see you... Alone."

You looked back at Ann, and nodded, getting up. "If she's going, I'm going with," Niragi said, getting up himself. "He said he wants to speak to (Y/N) alone. Respect to rules for once please," Ann chided, as you walked to her side. Niragi laughed, finishing with a smirk, "And since when do I listen to the rules?"

You looked back at him with a proud, yet embarrassed face. Definitely not the same Niragi from back in the real world. He was more confident than you last remembered, that was for sure. "Dude, I'll be totally fine. The least they could do is kill me," you said, a bit to nonchalantly for his tastes. "That seems like a worse case scenario, but ok." he responded, "I'm still going with you." "No, you're not. Look, I'll be fine ok? Just wait outside the door," you suggested. He scoffed, but nodded nontheless. Ann stayed quiet, watching this exchange. 'So... is that all it takes to convince him? Really? All we needed was this girl?' Were her thoughts.

"Oh good, you're here!" Hatter exclaimed as soon as you walked in. Ann stayed outside, and shut the doors behind you. You nodded. Was he happy or just extremely charismatic? You didn't know, but whatever it was, it was nice. It made you feel like you were talking to someone you knew. Like the pleasant ladies from your apartment complex. "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Where are we?" You asked as you got off the train. "I don't know. Just took a random train. You said you wanted another adventure," he replied. You gasped. "Niragi Suguru, you did not," you said, grabbing onto his hand to make sure you didn't lose him in the large crowd. "I did. And what of it?" He asked, dragging you out. "Oh my gods... Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but which city are we in?" You asked one of the people who worked there. They smiled and answered with, "Shinjuku. Are you lost?"  You shook your head. "No, we'll be fine. Thank you very much!" You said. Niragi dragged you to the exit. "I don't look presentable to be in Shinjuku right now, Niragi," you said, hiding your face. "You always look nice though. And it's called opportunity. I took it, and now we're here. So, let's take advantage of this, yeah?"

Hatter sat you down. "From what Ann and Aguni reported back to me, you're a quick thinker. Great shot apparently. They were both very impressed," he started. You smiled. "I'm honored they felt that way," you said. Hatter chuckled. "Well, Ann said you'd do well in either position of a militant or an executive. And it's just your luck the precious person who held number 7 recently... died. The games, obviously. Before you came here, actually. Maybe it was a sign it was meant to be yours. And, since you've proven yourself useful, I think it's a good idea," Hatter said, rambling a bit. "That's a bit too high for me, isn't it?" You questioned. You had just gotten here, you couldn't possibly be up that high already. "Uh... no. It's not. So, as of today, you shall be a militant," he said dramatically. You laughed, thanking him as he gave you a wristband with the number seven written on the blue tag. You slipped it on your wrist. "Oh, and just so you know, Aguni will most likely take you under his wing. The militants are mostly guys, so be careful. And... uh... your friend can help you find everything. He'll also show you to your new room. That is all. Goodbye now," he said cheerfully. You smiled brightly, thanking him.

You opened the door to leave, seeing Niragi leaning on the wall across the door. You smiled, closing the door softly behind you. "I'm back," you said. He nodded, "I can see that." "Can you really? You have your contact lenses?" You asked, skeptical. He nodded his head. "Surprisingly," he added. "Hmm... and for how many more days do you have them?" You questioned as he led you through the hotel. "Well, I've been in the borderland about 2 and a half weeks-"

"Woah, hold up... you'd been gone for six months up in the real world-"

"Well, I'm starting to think time runs differently in both places. Because no way in hell have I been here 6 months."

"Ok... continue on."

You two talked about whatever came to mind just like you used to. It was like you never skipped a beat. He lead you down into where they kept the weapons. "Only milatants and Hatter are allowed down here. This is the basement, and also where we keep the weapons. So, take your pick," he said, a smirk on his face. "You're a bit to proud of this aren't you?" You asked, looking over the different weapons. "Maybe," he responded. You didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking, you could just hear it in his voice. You picked out a knife that had a strap around. You also picked up a riffle similar to Niragi's, and turned to face him. "Ok, I'm good," you said. "Tomorrow, the militants are heading out on a supply run. Which means you now too. You can wear actual clothes now, isn't that fun?" He joked. You rolled your eyes shoving him playfully. He ran his tongue over his teeth. "That's really how you want to play, huh (L/N)?" He asked. You could hear the tone behind his words. The tone that meant run or your fucked, because whatever game he's scheming will end with you caught. It was quite normal for you two. Playing games with each other was a hobby back in the real world. Didn't matter how childish or immature they were. "Ouch, my last name? That hurts... Suguru." (Is that his last name or his first name? I don't know, I've been treating it as his last name, but I'm probably wrong) You giggled, running off. There was probably tons of places to hide inside the basement, and probably even more places throughout the beach.

"How was last night? Did you have fun?" He teased as soon as you woke up. You rolled your eyes. "Don't even talk to me about last night. Another disappointment," you groaned, rubbing your eyes. "Damn. That bad, huh?" He said, handing you a mug with coffee in it. You took a sip, and smiled. Perfect... He always made really good coffee, and it impressed you. "Yeah... definitely that bad. I heard him leave this morning, let's hope he never comes back," you said. Niragi laughed, taking a sip of his own coffee. The sunlight came in through the sliding glass door of your apartment.  The sky was painted with pinks and purples. Gold dusted the clouds as the sun touched them. It was perfectly picturesque. "One day, we won't have to live in a sucky apartment building, you know? I promise you that one day we'll have... I don't know where do you want to live?" He asked you. You both walked over to the couch, sitting next to eachother. "I don't know... I'd go anywhere as long as I can still have my best friend with me.''

"Come on out, (Y/N). I'll find you sooner or later. We need sleep," he shouted. You stifled a laugh, and crouched down, sneaking around. You could see him looking around for you. You moved backwards, bumping into someone. You slowly turned around. It was the guys Niragi had introduced as 'Last Boss'.

Throughout the day, you had actually had the opportunity to talk to him a bit. More like you talked, while he observed you, occasionally making a sound of sorts to show you he was listening. He'd also answered your questions, so you thought he wouldnt be that bad. You made the quiet signal, putting a finger to your lips. He looked down quizzically. "Playing a game. Can't let him find me. Wanna join?" You whispered to the mysterious man. He nodded slightly, still a bit confused. "Ok, the objective is to not get caught by Niragi. He doesn't know you're playing yet, so I'll figure something out... oh, I got it! You go hide," you whisper shouted, shooing him off. He went to go hide, and you climbed to the top of one of the darker places. "A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders!" You shouted. You heard Niragi laugh. "Dumbass! You're letting me know where you are!"  You smirked. That's what you wanted him to think.

"Oh nice! You got his glasses that's 20 points!" The boys shouted. You struggled to get out of the ropes tied your hands together. You heard Niragi groan, and looked up, seeing him on the floor, blood dripping from his nose. "Niragi!" You shouted in worry. He looked over at you, before one of the guys kicked his face into the ground. You struggled against the ropes the boys had tied around your wrist. It dug into your skin, you could feel the skin being rubbed raw from how much you had struggled against them ."So useless without eachother, huh?" One of them taunted. "Stop hurting him!" You yelled, squirming. "Oh? Would you rather we harm you then? You were always such a pretty girl... to bad you decided to defend him," the leader of their little group said, kneeling in front of you. "I don't give a damn if you hurt me. Stop hurting him!' You shouted. "(Y-y/N), don't," Niragi said, before one of the bullies kicked him in the stomach. He winced in pain, screwing his eyes shut. "Stop it! He didn't do anything to you!" You screamed, struggling even more, the ropes creating rope burn on your skin. "It's not a vengeance thing. It's fun," the leader said, grabbing your chin, making you look up at him. You glared at him in disgust, wanting so badly to just hit him, or spit on him in the moment. But you didn't. You didn't because you knew if you did either you or Niragi would get hurt. More likely Niragi, since they knew he was your weakness. "Just like it's fun making girls like you submit," he added with a smirk. "Don't you dare hurt her! Hurt me all you want, but don't touch her!" Niragi yelled. There was confidence in his words, but you also knew how scared he was. You could see it on his face. "That sounds boring though. What if we just make both of you our little puppets for the night, have you both put on a show?'' One of the guys snickered. This was followed by a chorus of 'not a bad idea' and 'sounds interesting.' You looked at Niragi, fear written all over your face.

You ran quietly, and quickly, knowing he could catch up to you. You looked around the dimly lit basement, and saw the exist to go up. Your eyes caught a flash of movement, and someone grabbed you, putting a hand over your mouth. You were shocked at first, going to scream bloody murder, before seeing it was Last Boss. He let you go, and you took a breath. "Oh my gods... dude that was scary," you whispered. He shrugged. "I have a place we can hide. I don't think he's smart enough to find it," He suggested, nodding his head over to Niragi. You stifled a laugh, and nodded, letting him lead you.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N), are you alright?" He worriedly asked, checked on you. You hissed in pain when his hands went over the bruises. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn't-" he started, blaming himself. You grabbed shoulders, and shook your head. "It's not your fault... it's ok," you said, sitting up. The gravel under you poked at the skin exposed from your school skirt. "I-its not ok!" He shouted. "It's... it's not ok. You shouldn't have- I could've-" he started, pulling at his hair. "Niragi. It's not your fault. You didn't... you didn't hurt me," you said, your voice calming. You grabbed his hands, pulling them towards you. You were just kids. Fucking 16 years old(not exactly a kid, but whatever), you shouldn't have to go through this stuff. No kid should. "I should be comforting you, yet here you are, making me feel better. Stop it, you're the one who-"

"Niragi, it happened to both of us. Stop acting like you're ok too."

"But- I'm supposed to... I-"

"Shut up, and come here."

He sighed, sitting besides you. You pulled his head into your lap, and he sighed. "Stop taking care of me. Stop hanging out with me, because you're the one who ends up getting hurt because of me. Please," he pleaded as you ran your fingers through his hair. "No," you responded. "(Y/N), stop being so stubborn! Please, just... just listen to me!" He shouted. You flinched at the sudden loudness. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," he apologized, noticing when you flinched. You sighed, leaning back on the concrete wall. You muttered back something along the lines of him not having to apologize. You heard thunder, and saw a flash of lightning. "It's going to rain, we should go home," Niragi said. "Don't wanna... let's stay here?" You muttered, watching the sun get covered by the clouds. You were under a bridge, so you at least had coverage. He looked up at you, and nodded. "Ok. We can," he whispered. The raindrops began to splatter on the ground outside the coverage of the bridge, and you sighed in happiness. Niragi sat up, bringing you close to him. The smell of rain filled your senses, and you couldn't help but enjoy the moment, even if you had been in emotional and physical pain before. Being there helped numb it for a while. Being with him helped numb the feeling.

"Alright... if I were (Y/N)... where would I go?" Niragi muttered to himself, walking around. It was too quiet. You weren't a quiet person unless need be, and if he remembers correctly, which he does, you had a losing streak in hide and seek since high school. You were too giggly to hide in silence, or maybe you got scared by being alone in the dark to long. Whatever it had been, you had a losing streak for almost 8 years. That was not about to change, not if he had a say in it. A part of him said he was not acting like himself, and that playing this with you was childish. Especially in the borderlands. He knew he would have to find you either way, so he stopped caring. He remembered what she had said. A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders! 'Ok, process of elimination....'

"So, given the fact Chishiya isn't allowed down here, I think I know who she's with, and where she is. Let's see if I'm right.''

This was more memories than actual current events... oh well- hope you enjoyed, have a wonderful day/night, baii!! Oh yeah, just because this is the only place people have a problem with me posting Niragi stuff, if you don't like it, the block button is right there, don't send me death threats or tell me to go kms. Thank you

[navyhyuck]

week two | previous | masterlist | next

𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃, 𝐉𝐀𝐘.

↳ a love letter a week, and it has you wondering who’s your secret admirer. you have nine weeks, eight candidates, and one story to live. will you find out who your ‘jay’ is?

a/n :: here’s part two my sexy friends, i’ll be starting to add a little warnings tag from now on because parts will start to get longer and may include some triggering topics!!

wc :: 2.9k (i’m sorry it’s getting longer and longer i know)

warnings: mentions of sex (kinda, not explicit), a singular mention of death, someone’s borderline a bully but not quite (they’re just mean)

taglist: @childofthecycle @the8luvr @staywrites @chocolattees @cloudzume @babytoadz @cherrystay @sandaigdigan-reads @hoes4hoseok @ctrlaltfangirl @kodzu-ken @xazucaradictax @qtieskz @blueprint-han

couldn’t tag: @x-dawna-x

let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

You’re listening to Ryujin go on and on about Han Jisung at practically 6 a.m. (okay, it was around halfway to 8 o’clock, but her words were making you lose track of time), your head resting against the cool metal of the locker, almost wishing you were banging your head against it instead. As much as you knew your friend had a thing for the boy, you never thought you’d be stuck in the middle listening to her over analyzing everything that happened in English the day before. Sure, the precarious boy could be outstanding at pipetting in chemistry, but his social skills weren’t the best. Or at least, they weren’t the best with you.

“Anyway, I’ll shut up now, you look like you just watched The Conjuring and threw up on yourself.” She exclaims rather dryly, and you raise your head, glimpsing at the questioning look on her face. “By the way, that movie was shit. I’ll get to the point, then. I was gonna ask who you’re going to homecoming with.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at both the comment on one of your favorite horror movies ever (that you’ve watched four times already, each time with the same girl who insists it’s not scary but ends up peeking past her fingers anyway) and homecoming. “Myself,” you reply, returning your head to its original position. “Do I look like the kind of person that would go to homecoming with a date? Really?”

“You went last year,” she points out, and you realize it’s true with a groan. It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t refuse the captain of the basketball team when he proposed the idea in the middle of the cafeteria, halfway through the sixth period. Honestly, San wasn’t too bad anyway, he just wanted to have some fun with a girl that wasn’t following after him in the general sheep crowd; after the night was over, however, you swore to yourself that you would never come to a dance voluntarily wearing stilettos without one of your go-to friends. “And you liked it. Plus, I was thinking, we should all get dates this year! You know, since it’s our senior year and all. You won’t have another hoco to miss after this one.”

“Get dates? You’re acting like it’s buying takeout.” 

“It basically is,” she shrugs. “You go out, ask for something from someone, and they either give it to you or not. Though I’m not really sure if restaurants are allowed to refuse service.”

 “We could just all go as friends,” you suggest, finally opening up your locker. “As great as having some random dude as my date, no thanks. Like you said, it’s our last year. And hoco’s been fun since freshman year for us anyway, what’s the point of setting us up with dudes when we’re just gonna ditch them?”

“Who said I’m gonna ditch my date?”

“Me, I just did,” you deadpan, shuffling through your books to grab onto your chemistry lab book and stuffing it into your bag. “Remember sophomore year? Yeah, you might not want to remember it, but I do. Lee Daehwi?” She groans at the sound of the familiar name, making you chuckle.

“Okay, fair enough, but I’m not gonna ditch my date this time. Not if I get the one I want.” Ryujin smacks your arm to grab your attention, making you hiss before you see the knowing look on her face as she wiggles her eyebrows. You cross your arms in confusion, trying to scan and rescan her face for hints to what she was getting at, but when your mind finally clicks, you freeze. And then, your jaw drops. “Shut up.”

“I-I didn’t even say anything!”

“I know what you’re gonna say!” She points at you, shaking her finger before bringing it back down. “Look, like you said, it’s senior year. I don’t have a chance, really, not after this one. Either I ask him out for homecoming in the next week or I mope around for the rest of my life regretting not going to a high school dance with the hottest guy in school. Yeah, okay, I guess that kinda does sound a little pathetic.”

You consider it for a moment, imagining how awkward the interaction between Ryujin’s infamous crush and her would be; there would be a whole lot of tripping at the feet and ten times the amount of stuttering. Plus, you’re sure that the boy didn’t have the heart capacity to receive a request without passing out cold. He’s a little fragile after all. “You think Jisung’s the hottest guy in school?”

“Duh, who else do you think? That Hyunjin dude? Yeah, maybe, I saw him a few times in the past few days, but so what? People just get hyped over some guy whenever they come to the school and like four days later he’s no longer a cool transfer student and just ‘the guy next to me in calculus.’” You give her a look, one that you hope resembles something that conveyed the message of ‘you just brought up Hyunjin completely unprovoked’ but she doesn’t budge, her eyes trailed on her nails as she continues. “...and I’ll ask Jisung. Chaeryoung said she’s going with that other guy from your chem, whatever his name was, him. So then, it’s just you.”

You’re reminded suddenly of the letter that you pulled from your locker a few days earlier, the one that followed after the previous introduction and pleaded for you to attend the dance. Even if the letter had never arrived, you were planning on it anyway, but now, you had a purpose. “I don’t really want a date,” you say carefully, your eyes darting across the busy hallway before focusing on the blue of your best friend’s hair. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe, whatever. I don’t feel like stressing out about asking someone, so maybe if someone asks me, I'll be their date. But don’t count on it, alright?”

Ryujin narrows her eyes at you, as if searching for something underneath (something that wasn’t there, you’d like to point out, but she’s still looking intently) before humming. “Alright, sure.” She finishes abruptly, clearly wanting to add onto her sentence but refraining from doing so, making you raise an eyebrow at her shenanigans.

“Spit it out, c’mon, I know you have more to say.”

Your best friend gives you a deadly look but considers it, resting her back against the lockers before turning back to you. “Okay, this is just a thought, got it? Just something running through my head right now that I want to share.”

You cross your arms. “A thought? You? Thinking? Well, that’s no good.”

“Shut up and listen to me first,” she waves you off, shuffling closer until you can see the glimmer of her eyeshadow smudged on the side of her winged eyeliner. “Think about this. You, Y/N, a beautiful girl with absolutely no intention on going to homecoming with a date because of the lack of attraction towards snotty teenage boys, asking the Hwang Hyunjin, a transfer student that’s extremely good-looking and apparently affectionately kind who has no intention on going to homecoming with a date because of the lack of connection with beautiful girls, to homecoming.”

You blink twice, looking up at the ceiling as you quietly process her words. It’s a bit jumbled in your head, but once you think it’s clear enough, you look at her. “Ryujin. May I express my feelings about this ‘thought?’”

She scans you up and down, and then nods.

“It’s absolute bullshit.”

“Hey!”

“I hate my life,” you say to yourself as you swing open the door of your car, stepping out rather impatiently onto the asphalt. Having forgotten to grab your psychology notebook at the end of the day, you found yourself taking an unwanted U-turn back to the school to pick it up; in your defense, you would rather maintain your A in the class even if you had to stop by the gas station on your way back. Like you were told, a class requires commitment.

You march your way into the school once again, wondering why the school officials never thought to add any precautionary measures to the buildings. It makes you wonder if someone had ever snuck onto campus since you were a freshman. From the very deep memories of your sophomore year, you remember a junior at that time sneaking in one of his friends during finals week thinking he’d get away with it. Honestly, Juyeon was something else.

Just as you make your way to your locker, you quietly scroll through your phone distractedly before seeing a text pop up in your infamous group chat.

[3:05 p.m.] chaechaer: guess what guys!! :D

[3:05 p.m.] praying mantis: don’t wanna guess

[3:05 p.m.] hwangji: she’s finally getting dick 

[3:05 p.m.] chaechaer: i’ll fucking bite you yeji.

[3:06 p.m.] hwangji: bite me baby i wanna see you try

[3:06 p.m.] you: spill c’mon

[3:07 p.m.] praying mantis: y/n.

[3:07 p.m.] praying mantis: why are you at school right now

[3:07 p.m.] chaechaer: gasp

[3:07 p.m.] chaechaer: looks like i’m not the only one getting dick

[3:08 p.m.] you: oh fuck off, i came back bc i forgot something

[3:08 p.m.] you: wait did you just say ‘not the only one’

[3:09 p.m.] hwangji: so you ARE getting dick???

[3:09 p.m.] hwangji: spill mf, right now

[3:09 p.m.] you: ryujin, are you checking my snap location rn??? hello?? 

[3:10 p.m.] praying mantis: ofc i am, i’m your guardian angel :)

[3:10 p.m.] you: you’re a stalker

[3:10 p.m.] praying mantis: but whose dick are you getting? that’s the real question 

You roll your eyes as hard as you can, hoping that your best friend would know even from a distance. Just as you continue to tap furiously into the glass of your phone, you’re suddenly hit by your left shoulder, sending you flying down to the ground in an instant. “Shit,” you whisper under your breath, brushing your hair out of your eyes well enough to look up and see that the hard object you just ran into wasn’t a wall. In fact, it was a human.

“Watch where you’re going,” the boy snaps at you, rather loudly in fact, making you flinch as you slowly stand up, gathering your phone. “This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t on your phone. Who walks in a hallway with their head down like that? Do you want to die?”

It takes you a minute to realize who’s actually standing in front of you, and it’s only when you’ve managed to gulp down his harsh words. Seo Changbin. He looks at you from head to toe, the scowl still evident on his face when your eyes widen. Suddenly, you’re a little more aware of yourself, shifting uncomfortably in his gaze as he doesn’t move. 

“Well?” He crosses his arms across his chest, now approaching you. “I don’t hear an apology.”

You instinctively back away, avoiding the boy’s eyes before you’re looking right back into them. If you weren’t mistaken, there was no one in front of you until there was, and there was no way that you could’ve ran into someone without noticing their presence earlier. Scoffing, you mimic his posture, looking behind him to see if you’re right about your assumption. In fact, you are, seeing the door of the locker room staring right back at you. “Me? Shouldn’t you be watching where you’re going?”

Changbin looks taken aback by your retaliation, somehow making his forehead lines fall into a straight line. “Don’t talk back to me, bitch.”

“Bitch?” You want to laugh, but instead, you press a smile down. “Seriously? Who do you think you are?”

You’re honestly appalled at the way the admired swimmer is acting towards you, but you’re not surprised. You would be lying if you didn’t say you weren’t in the faintest surprised. The entire team could act like a handful of bullies that didn’t have any other free time on their hands, if you looked into it more. Changbin seems to be dissatisfied with your answer, closing in on you as your back presses against the wall. 

“What did you say to me?” 

You’re about to respond with an equally harsh answer but there’s a sudden call of Changbin’s name from the end of the hallway, making the both of you turn your heads. Yet another swimming team member comes jogging your way, sporting a school branded shirt that tells you exactly what he’s part of. The boy stops a few feet away from the two of you, a large smile spreading across his face as he looks from Changbin to you. You scratch your head. Is Bang Chan currently standing in front of you? Or was it just a figment of your imagination?

“Hi! What’s your name?” He asks, coming closer before glancing over at Changbin and stopping. “W-What? Wait, what? What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Changbin defends immediately, making you raise an eyebrow as he holds up his palms. “I didn’t! Nothing happened, Chan. It’s all good. Let’s just go now.”

Chan doesn’t budge when he grabs onto his arm, tugging to pull him away, but he instead focuses his attention on you. His smile persists. “Hi sweetheart, judging from the look on your face, he did do something, right?”

You’re taken aback at his soft voice, a complete contrast from what you just heard from the other boy. Pursing your lips, you try not to let your cheeks flame up. Sweetheart? “It’s nothing—he just ran into me and tried to pin the whole thing on me—it’s all good, really. I’m fine, I didn’t get hurt. So…”

“You didn’t get hurt? But he ran into you?” Chan shoots Changbin a sharp look, one that looks much darker than the gaze he returns to you. “Are you okay? It might’ve been a hard fall. I can take you to the nurse’s office, if you’d like?”

“N-No, it’s fine!” You shake your hands in refusal, an awkward chuckle leaving your lips. Chan only laughs brightly in response, his entire face somehow appearing ten times more charming than before. You notice with another fleeting glimpse that there are dimples that crease into his skin as he smiles, now making your heart do an unidentifiable leap inside your chest. “Um, okay, I actually have to go now! I’ll, uh, yeah! Bye!”

You turn in your heel, trying to walk at a casual but extremely quick pace at the same time, which proves to be difficult. Just as you’re about to turn at the corner, there’s a shout from down the hall.

“Hey!” Peaking your head back, you see Chan waving his hand at you. “What’s your name?!”

“Y/N!”

“Nice to meet you Y/N! I hope to see you around!”

Gulping, you lean back against one of the lockers near yours, placing a hand over your chest as you finally notice the thumping. You take a deep breath, shaking your head a few times to get the entire situation out of your head; it doesn’t work, not with your brain taking you back to that exact moment once again. You just spoke to one, no, scratch that, two extremely talented swimming players with your own two eyes. And perhaps the rapid beating of your heart wasn’t just because one of them was being nice to you. But you wouldn’t admit that now, would you?

dear y/n love,

hi hi! i’ve missed talking to you (yes, i know, there’s no way you can respond to me, but anyway), but this letter will be unfortunately short today. please don’t think too much of it! my class is about to end, haha.

i saw you at one of the swimming meets a few days ago, and oh my god, i really couldn’t take my eyes off of you. i don’t know if anyone has ever told you, y/n, but you are so beautiful. i remember what you were wearing; was it...a black shirt? and jeans, oh yes. your sense of style is so simple yet somehow so perfect. i couldn’t even take my eyes off of you, oh god, i remember all my friends yelling at me to pay attention but all i was doing was staring at you. sounds like a problem, huh? but i enjoy it. shit, this sounds kinda creepy again, doesn’t it? i’m so sorry, love, that’s not what i was going for. i just...really admire you. a lot.

also, the homecoming game is this weekend! i hope you end up going, you can even go with your friend! the blue-haired one, yeah, ryujin, i think. that’s her name, right? oh god, you probably think i’m even weirder now that i just told you that i know your friend. fuck. anyway. 

once again, i hope to see you there! there’s something waiting for you there and i want to be able to surprise you, even if i don’t want to reveal my identity just yet. see you soon, love.

signed, jay

[engaged19times]

RHONJ Recrap - season 11, ep 1 - C U Next Tuesday!

Greetings fellow prostitution whores and welcome to my new weekly recrap of American institution The Real Housewives of New Jersey! Before I jump in I’ll introduce myself by saying that I’m a housewives super fan (I even watched DC, an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst sister-in-law), an underemployed comedy writer (I can’t define “napalm” either, Lauren Manzo), and nothing makes me happier than to watch 6 bedazzled hypocrites in Cheesecake Factory mansions argue etiquette and loyalty between physical altercations in the world renowned cultural hub of Paterson, New Jersey. I know essay recaps are a bit of a relic but I am fond of ye olde written word so please enjoy this blast from the past, you scumbags!

We open without fanfare mid-scene to red-eyed Jackie and dead-eyed Teresa sitting in Margaret’s partially finished, wallpaper smothered home. We get the Bad Girls Club black-and-white flashes but unlike in Beverly Hills we’re not flashing to “three months earlier” but instead to “three days earlier.” It might take women of less gumption precious time to build to a production-halting confrontation but it only takes these agents of chaos half a week to get the meatball rolling.

Let’s back up a little to the ominous “three days prior” and catch up with our hot girls. It’s Jackie’s giant hot husband’s 46th birthday so she’s throwing him a party under a tent in the parking lot of a Greek restaurant. We learn that Teresa and Joe’s father has sadly passed in the offseason and Dolores Thee Stallion and Margaret have both had full cosmetic overhauls - Dolores with a second butt enhancement that left her with a giant hip scar rivaled only by Sally from Nightmare before Christmas and Margaret with a boob lift and apparent nipple sharpening (is that a procedure?) that she advertises in a blush silk top with no bra. Never one to be outdone at a parking lot birthday party, Joe Gorga arrives with his storyline - I mean wife, Melissa - also smuggling raisins under a skin tight children’s white T-shirt. Nipples are trending, ladies!

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

A beautiful boob lift.

Tarzan’s headlights.

Margaret’s hot employee Lexi and Teresa’s hot realtor Michelle (both of whom are official friends-of this year), as well as iconic social wrecking ball and Aydin Center for Plastic Surgery mascot Jennifer all saunter in for car park cocktails at this 3D nipple fashion show and as the night devolves we see the cast getting truly shit-housed on shots when out of nowhere storyline sniper Teresa drops the bomb that she heard sexy birthday Bigfoot Evan is cheating on Jackie... more specifically, that he “does stuff” at the gym but mysteriously can’t remember any details or where she heard this head-scratching accusation that draws as many gasps as it does “huhs?” Honest straight people question: do y’all hook up at gyms? And if so, where? Are there co-ed saunas now? Also can one of you explain the allure of Mike and Molly to me? Moving on. Most shocking was that the Perez Hilton of North Jersey doesn’t just drop this wild accusation once, she gleefully skips through this asphalt soiree like a goddamn town crier, addressing everyone she passes like Belle through the town square.

The next day the hard partying crew of Jersey Shore: All Grown Up recovers from their throbbing hangovers and we see cool mom Melissa traipsing through her particle board mausoleum in see-through sweatpants with a visible thong in front of her kids’ friends (you girls keep me young!), Marge Sr. driving a blue Mini Cooper with eyelashes on the headlights (which I assume are like the spinning rims of the Jersey Grandma community), and a flashback of Margaret’s Joe puking next to a tree (relatable, my dude).

Marge Sr.: Fully Loaded.

You girls keep me young!

Over at Jennifer’s palatial child farm we learn that her parents fight so much these days that she moved her father (Carl from Up!) to her multi-generational compound which has only angered her mother more.

Jennifer’s sweet dad.

We then find out Dolores’s dry boyfriend David with whom she shares the burning passion of a melting ice sculpture now lives with her bulging slab of a son Frankie Jr. in the house he and Delores built together but Dolores curiously still lives with her also bulging but slightly slimey ex Frank Sr. in her original house, a near Braunwyn-level web of over-explained but still vague relationship fuckery of which none of them seem on the same page. Dolores hid her surgery from David until the day before, David still works constantly so she hangs out with her ex all the time, and I can’t help but think that we aren’t getting the full story on whatever the fuck is happening under these two roofs. Are they brother-husbands? Is Frank Sr. piping both of them? Can Frankie Jr. DM me his nudes please? The only one being straight-forward in these duel households of confusion is Dolores’s dog who is simply named Dog and I honestly appreciate his refreshing transparency.

Dog Catania, king of transparency.

Finally, Jackie calls Teresa to organize an infamous Jersey sit-down because she somehow got wind of the out-of-thin-air accusations that Teresa all but presented with a bull horn and a PowerPoint at Evan’s parking lot social. They decide to meet at Margaret’s partially constructed house/ wallpaper showroom because it’s neutral territory to hash things out in a relaxing landscape of ladders and contrasting patterns and the tension is so thick you could cut it with one of Margaret’s newly renovated nipples.

Jackie pleads with Tre to clear her husband’s good name and Tre enters a baffling Kelly-Anne Conway bullshit loop which includes such hits as “woman to woman, if I heard this you wouldn’t want me to tell you?” (a reasonable point which is actually working against Teresa because it’s the opposite of what she did), then explaining to Margaret the immediately contradictory “I didn’t tell her and it’s not like I told Evan, I told my friends” (which is an explanation of what she obviously did wrong but said in the tone of a defense), the wacky last ditch nonsense deflection “Alright let me tell you the reason why I did it. This year, now, you know I’m single now. I’ve been approached by a lot of married men that think that it’s OK to have affairs,” and finally just saying fuck it and rewriting history “I did not spread a rumor, I heard a rumor.”

The truth is that Teresa was retaliating for a cheating rumor Jackie entertained about her last year but neither can be held to such unreasonable expectations like addressing reality or admitting fault which is actually ideal because if I cared to see emotionally mature community leaders converse thoughtfully I’d watch Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday not this unhinged turnpike circus.

Jackie’s rival won’t budge so she chooses the nuclear option, looks the reigning matriarch of Paterson in her vacant eyes, and declares confidently “I heard Gia snorts coke in the bathroom at parties” which stopped time on Earth as far as I’m concerned. Is this wild accusation true? Probably not. Was this retaliatory tit equal to the offending tat? Debatable. Do I blame Teresa for immediately whipping into a tailspin and storming out screaming the C-word (no Kathy Wakile, not “canoli kit”) at Jackie no less than 80 times? Girl, no I do not. Jackie has since clarified (backtracked?) that this was an analogy not a rumor she heard which... OK, and whether or not either of the atomic bombs dropped in this breakneck premiere were true, I’m excited to watch our Paterson superstars battle it out for another batshit season!

Esteemed poet laureat of Paterson, NJ.

Join me and my own rock hard nipples next week to recrap a girls trip to Lake George, more developments in the case of Jackie vs Teresa: Jersey Crime Story, and hopefully another cameo by breakout superstar Dog Catania! Please share this recrap with the prostitution whores in your life if you enjoy and follow me on Tumblr (engaged19times), Insta (@engagednineteentimes), and Twitter (@_engaged19times)! I’m recrapping weekly but I don’t get screeners (yet) and it takes me a few days to catch up so please be patient!

XO engaged19times

[ask-the-crimson-king]

Music Shill of the Day: "JUDAS" by Lord of the Lost

PART 1 of 2: "DAMNATION"

Welcome to my Music Shill on the album "Judas" by Lord of the Lost. I think it's the first or second time I've shilled them, and it's honestly due to the fact that I've only found them quite recently. And they just so happened to be releasing a new album. Lucky me.

I will be going through each of the tracks with various ratings, gushing, and general nerdy bullshit on why I like them. Don't expect anything to be really technical, I'm just an average listener. And if you want the theological side of things, ask my friend @hoholupercal-adopts for that. Overall this album is fucking beautiful and is generally fantastic. There are some I like more than others, but please go out and give these songs a listen. And maybe buy the album as well if you vibe with it.

LINKS WILL BE PROVIDED TO THE SONGS MENTIONED. I will also be doing a 1-10 rating system, where this is the scale: 1 - garbage. Horrible. Wow this just sucks. 5 - average. It's decent. It's workable. Not horrible, not great either. 10 - fantastic. An absolute banger. Holy shit. This is so great.

Yes it is entirely subjective. And since this rambling has taken up so much space, I will be putting the actual songs and ratings under the cut, but have a link to the album via Youtube anyway.

ONWARDS, FRIENDS!

1. "Priest" - 10/10

Starting off EXTREMELY STRONG with the song that really got me hyped about the album, we have Priest.

What is there not to love on this album? The drums at the beginning, the ethereal and light singing, and how Chris' vocals pair with them right into those nice, deep "PRIEST." screams. The first verse builds on the opening with that nice riff in the background as intensity builds, and then...

That. Fucking. CHORUS. It sounds so fucking good. I can't accurately state how much I love it actually. Chris' vocals sound wonderful. I love how flowy it is and how much power is within the chorus, I love Pi's backing "We're all at- we're all at - we're all at fault", I love everything about it. I just can't understate it. The fucking sheer intensity this song brings all the way through, then the break for that moment of calm, and then going right into the last chorus...

Perfect. Wonderful. Beautiful. I listened to this song non-stop when it was originally released as a single. It inspired a small piece of writing from me too. It's so good. It's too fucking good. Fantastic opener for the album. What could possibly succeed this amazing fucking track?

2. "For They Know Not What They Do" - 8/10

Another great one. Not as great as Priest, but still a great song overall.

The opening is very interesting but kinda thematic for the album moving forward. It uses a chorus in the opening and closing of the track, which happens to be only 5 people layered over each other many times, and this chorus shows up in several tracks throughout the record. With only the exception of "Viva Vendetta", which had a full chorus of 386 people. That aside, it does sound quite nice. It is indeed a banger.

The lyrics are very repetitive, but it works very well for the song. They don't sound boring or tiring, but the song is more low-key than Priest. Though its chorus is much more reliant on Chris' screams than its predecessor, and the screams do sound great when contrasted by his cleans for the rest of the chorus. The piano melody in the back also sounds beautiful for the entire duration of the song.

A wonderful song, it still slaps immensely. So the album is going pretty strong, but already these two songs were released ahead of the album. What does the first 'new' song of the album have to offer?

3. "Your Star Has Led You Astray" - 8/10

It has a LOT to offer, actually.

It is more intense and a bit more powerful than For They Know Not What They Do, and I do like this song a bit more. I just don't want to do something like '8.3/10' cause if these songs were on a tierlist they'd be in the same tier.

The organ underlying everything is a very subtle touch, and it's a very welcome one. It lends to this feeling of this being a prayer or a confession within a church, perhaps of someone confiding in some sort of priest. Or someone being scorned by a priest or religious figure.

The choir in the background, which also comes out more prominently towards the end of the song, also lends more to this preacher/church vibe that the song has. The instrumentals outside of that act as almost a sort of contrast, at least with the guitar/bass lines. They feel very heavy, very intense, while the piano, vocals, choir, and organ have a more light and almost somber feel. It blends very well and makes for a wonderful song.

So far, so good. Now, what's next?

4. Born With a Broken Heart - 10/10

ABSOLUTE. BANGER.

And I almost thought this may be a Primal Fear cover when I first saw the track title a few weeks back.

While the two tracks proceeding it were more low-key, with some nice heavier feeling added in, this returns to a more heavy and weighty and intense sound. The verses sound groovy and almost bouncy, with the guitars taking a bit of a backseat when the vocals begin. I think it's a great contrast to the rest of the song itself, where they have that same sort of constant sound that they had in Priest.

The chorus is slower, but still carries all the power and weight of the verses right along with them. The vocals on this track are beautiful and wonderful and I adore the immensely. Once more the organ is a very subtle and great touch. Once more, the choir in the back sounds wonderful, and the singled out solo voice of Scarlet Dorn (I believe that's her) sounds as light and moving as it did in Priest.

Overall, amazing song. Absolutely slaps immensely. Love it.

Already a third of the way through disc 1. What can follow this pattern?

5. "The 13th" - 7/10

It is a good song. It is above average. It isn't entirely my style, but I can see others definitely vibing to it. It's very somber, it's very slow, but it still carries weight to it. Also the tie-in to Born With a Broken Heart is nice.

The organs here take a more prominent role in the song, which is nice. The synths in the back of the song are something that I find to be interesting, but not something that I really vibe with. They almost sort of clash with the overall feel of the song in my opinion.

The chorus is very nice, and feels on the same level of Born with a Broken Heart in terms of emotional intensity. This is most certainly a more somber piece for sure. It's much more sorrowful. The vocals are great, the overall instrumentals are fine, this is a good song. Just not one that I enjoy as much as other entries.

With all that being said, onward to the next song!

6. "In the Field of Blood" - 9/10

Alright. I can see people waving phones and lighters to this song already.

Another slower, somber sounding song. But this one is done better than The 13th in my humble opinion. There isn't the odd synth, the piano returns, there's some nice bits of stringwork done around the verses, and it feels more like a classic metal ballad. The piano in the chorus paired with the vocals sounds very, very nice. I love it.

It picks up a bit in terms of intensity for the bridge, when there is a small key change and the introduction of some screams. It transitions very smoothly into a nice chorus, and then there is a nice, pleasant sounding groove to lead the song out.

Heavy, slow, sad, but wonderful. Remorseful as well. Very well done.

7. "2000 Years a Pyre" - 8/10

A really, really good song. Another slower, heavier piece. But it sounds very nice.

The only thing I don't like is how this is the third track now with a chorus that sounds kinda samey. It's another with a beautiful piano accompaniment to the vocals, and sounds alltogether very sorrowful. Which is a good theme since this is the "damnation" of Judas thus far.

However, the song has a nice vibe and beat to it. The choir backing the chorus sounds great. The ending distortion and the ramping of how heavy it is for a bridge is very cool as well. Not quite an absolute 10/10 banger, but still a very good song.

8. "Death is Just a Kiss Away" - 10/10

I. AM. A. BITCH. FOR. GOOD. STRINGS.

AND THIS SONG DEFINITELY HAS THAT. AND! It has the leitmotif taking a much more central role. It's the tune of the verse, and it comes back several times across the record.

And man do I love how its played in the opening. I love the strings, the organ, the piano, how everything slowly keeps building and building over the course of the song. It doesn't just feel the same sort of somber and sad as some of the other tracks do. It builds and builds and builds, ending with Chris' vocals sounding more powerful and much more confident.

The lyrics sound almost like a conversation or some sort of Shakespearean lament. Okay, sure, the other songs do too, but I still love them nonetheless. I also like how the guitars and most of the heavier elements of LOTL as a band take a break for this piece.

I love this song. Love it to death. The choir at the end is a great touch as well. So good.

9. "The Heart is a Traitor" - 9/10

AH, YES. The 90s metalcore sounding song. Hell yeah.

This song kicks ass. A return to the intensity found to open the album, and a style that is reminscent of Born with a Broken Heart but with more of that heavy metal feeling for the chorus.

Here, the instrumentation of the song relies more on the classic bits of LOTL - guitars, some piano, the drums, and some bass. There is also some synth added in, but of course there is. I was almost nervous cause I didn't like the vibe or feel of the synths used in The 13th, but they work really well here. It follows the guitars really well, and it blends into the overall song wonderfully. Plus it helps out that 90s vibe.

The vocals are wonderful as well, with nice screams mixed among the powerful, gravelly sounding choruses and cleaner verses. Overall, wonderful song.

Almost done. ONWARDS!

10. "Euphoria" - 8/10

It sounds very nice. It is slow, deliberate, it has good pacing. The piano sounds very light, and I get visions of something like A Christmas Carol from the song. It has the late December or just a cold winter's night vibes.

Once more, the heavier elements are absent for a good deal of the song, but they do eventually kick in. The build up is great, it is well done, but not as well as Death is Just a Kiss Away to me. Still, the song is very good. Powerful and soft vocals with a nice slow rhythm on drums and a pleasant piano in the back works wonderfully.

A great song, to be sure.

11. "Be Still and Know" - 9/10

The first instrumental track on the record, and it's got the entire band on display here.

The intro is intense, and it brings back the leitmotif as well. The guitar solo is grand, especially how it ties into the leitmotif towards its end.

The song itself serves as a good almost-midway point for the album. A chance to breathe and feel, a chance to listen and enjoy. Of course, you can get that with the other 10 songs too, but there's just something about an instrumental track acting as a great checkpoint that's very refreshing. Even with one that carries such a heavy and powerful rhythm to it.

A wonderful, beautiful piece. Very, very well done. Very enjoyable.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

12. "The Death of All Colours" - 10/10

An acapella piece to see the end of disc 1, and once more the leitmotif is on display through the vocals themselves.

Well, of course they are, there's only the vocals to be heard. But you know what I mean -- last track had them in the instrumentals, this one has them in the vocals.

I love the lyrics here. I find myself singing this song often. It's simply too good not to. This song was already released a few weeks ahead of the album itself, but I hadn't heard it until I heard Priest.

It has power that slowly dwindles as the song ends, and carries with it these sadder and more somber themes. It's a wonderful piece in and of itself. In fact I didn't even realize it was acapella until I saw the "Track by Track" video for it on LOTL's YT channel. It feels whole and complete. A great song. Absolutely fantastic. Great way to end the first half of the dual-album.

Final thoughts will be shared in a separate post, but overall, already there are plenty of really, really solid songs here. I love all of them. Not one do I think is particularly bad or even really just 'meh' thus far. Will this change in disc 2?

FIND OUT IN... About an hour and a half? Maybe? Or maybe just wait for the reblog that'll come at a more reasonable hour.

[ziezie13]

Fics of the Week

Kintsugi by witchbane

Yuuri Katsuki is a hitman burdened with a debt he can never repay. His target: Viktor Nikiforov, next Pakhan to one of the most dangerous families in the Russian mafia.

When the two are drawn into a treacherous alliance after a mission gone wrong, the bonds of love and loyalty to family and duty begin to unravel—even as they get more tangled up in each other.

Words: 114,055; Chapters:15/?; Series: Part 1 of the bridges we burned (may they light the way home); Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime); Rating: Explicit; Last Update: 22 Aug 2017

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky, Katsuki Mari, Yuri!!! on Ice Ensemble, Minami Kenjirou, Lee Seung Gil, Mila Babicheva, Sara Crispino

Additional Tags: Russian Mafia, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Character Death, Violence, Torture, Blackmail, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Enemies to Lovers, Hate Sex, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Suspense, Hurt/Comfort, I just realized after looking at this how awful those tags are, I'm sorry lmao they end up in love I promise, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

On My Love by RikoJasmine

For the second time, the Sochi Grand Prix Finals arrive, and with it a reborn Yuuri Katsuki. “Viktor,” Yuuri thinks over the pounding of his heart, the crowd going silent as the music begins. “I’ll show the world what you meant to me.”

Yuuri often thinks of his life as Before and After Viktor Nikiforov, the marking point being the day Viktor swept into his life and turned his world upside-down. After many years together, an accident leads to Yuuri suddenly waking up in the Before—back in Detroit, before the GPF, before he ever knew Viktor as anything other than his childhood idol.

As if it had all been just a dream.

Words: 72,704; Chapters: 6/?; Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime); Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Last Update: 16 Mar 2017

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky, Phichit Chulanont, Celestino Cialdini, Makkachin (Yuri!!! on Ice), Vicchan (Yuri!!! on Ice), Katsuki Mari, Katsuki Hiroko, Katsuki Toshiya, Christophe Giacometti, Nishigori Yuuko

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Past Relationship(s), Friends to Lovers, POV Alternating, Confident Yuuri, Minor Original Character(s), Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Mutual Pining, Time Travel

Get A Room, Just Not This One by chellethewriter

Viktor and Yuuri can be in love all they want. Honestly, Yuri doesn’t give a fuck, so long as their romantic bullshit doesn’t interfere with his life. But… for some reason, it’s like Yuri can’t enter a room without being utterly smacked in the face with their cheesy adoration for one another. Sharing a rink and a city with them is a nightmare -- plain and simple.

(In other words, five times that Yuri Plisetsky walks in on Yuuri and Viktor being grossly affectionate... and one time that he doesn’t. Takes place in St. Petersburg, post episode 12).

Words: 8,162; Chapters: 1/1; Series: Part 2 of Even Ice Gods Can Melt; Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime); Rating: Mature; Last Update: 29 Dec 2016

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Yuri Plisetsky, Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri, Yakov Feltsman, Mila Babicheva

Additional Tags: Yurio's POV, viktor and yuuri are really cute and yurio can't deal with it, outside pov, post episode 12, Life in St. Petersburg, sort-of-sequel but no prior reading is required at all, Canon Compliant, Fluff, a little angst toward the end but, it's quickly resolved, SO MUCH FLUFF, Implied Sexual Content, more like a lot of heavy making out, lots of cursing because yurio has a potty mouth, Illness, Sickfic, Post-Canon, Humor, domestic viktuuri

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya

‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’

A single event changes the course of Yuuri’s life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different and Yuuri doesn’t seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries.

Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be.

Words: 197,681; Chapters: 14/14; Series: Part 1 of Rivals; Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime); Rating: Explicit; Last Update: 05 Mar 2017

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky, Phichit Chulanont, Nishigori Yuuko, Nishigori Takeshi, Katsuki Toshiya, Katsuki Hiroko, Makkachin (Yuri!!! on Ice), Celestino Cialdini, Christophe Giacometti, Katsuki Mari

Additional Tags: Various cameos by various different skaters, Alternate Canon, Rivals, Canon Universe, Enemies to Lovers, Hate to Love, Hate Sex, Rough Sex, Explicit Consent, Romance, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Drama, Angst, Anxiety, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Confessions, Social Media, Single POV, Unreliable Narrator, First Kiss, First Time, Sexual Content, Slow Burn

Technically Arranged by ajwolf

Yuuri is a tech genius working in Silicon Valley, but he never would have gotten this far if not for the support of the Russian Royal family who offered him a full scholarship to the elite Rostelecom Academy and have been supporting his education ever since. Of course, this help didn’t come for free. He’s now considered a member of the Royal family, which isn’t so bad, other than the inordinate number of weddings he has to attend. There’s also the small stipulation that he is technically a candidate to become the Prince’s consort, but that’ll never happen…

Words: 77,601; Chapters: 12/?; Series: Part 1 of The First Prince; Fandoms: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime); Rating: Explicit; Last Update: 08 Jun 2018

Relationship(s): Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Mila Babicheva/Sara Crispino

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Katsuki Mari, Katsuki Hiroko, Katsuki Toshiya, Vicchan (Yuri!!! on Ice), Makkachin (Yuri!!! on Ice), Phichit Chulanont, Phichit Chulanont's Hamsters, Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin, Mila Babicheva, Sara Crispino, Original Characters, Okukawa Minako, Christophe Giacometti

Additional Tags: Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Modern Royalty, Royalty, Prince Victor Nikiforov, Victor with a K, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Technology, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Domestic Fluff, Royal Wedding, Non-Graphic Violence, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Communication, Supportive Katsuki Yuuri, no dogs die, Vicchan Lives, love and support, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Loving Marriage, First Kiss, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Switching, kinda subby viktor, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Don't copy to another site

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Wonderland by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Or on FF

Tagging:  @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda @teamhook @itsfabianadocarmo

Chapter 7: Trust

“How do you think you’re doing so far? A few more days and you will have completed your first two weeks.”

“I guess it’s going well. I’m not really sure how else it could go.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Killian. It’s not easy facing truth’s we aren’t ready to see. And you’ve been handling that well.”

Killian wasn’t sure he agreed with the good Doc. The only thing he had faced was admitting out loud that the accident was his fault. Perhaps he was a bit surprised that he had told Emma. He didn’t expect to do that. Honestly, he had followed the girl out to apologize for being so harsh in group, only to end up telling her about the accident. He didn’t know what it was about Emma, but the woman had him a bit off his game.

“So, today let’s talk about what happened after the accident. More specifically the loss of your hand, how did you handle the news?”

He straightened in his chair, rubbing his palm on his knee. “Like anyone who is just told that their entire life had changed.” He sat back in his seat and shrugged his shoulders. “Really badly.”

“When did you find out?”

“I woke up in the hospital sometime after the accident, my brother Liam was there. I could tell something was wrong. He told me about my hand first. I guess I was in shock. I didn’t react at all honestly. It was like being numb. I don’t have any other way of explaining it. I’m a musician and suddenly that’s all gone.”

“You play guitar?”

“Played. I dunno what I’ll do now. Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it. It seems so trivial considering everything else I lost.”

“I wouldn’t say trivial, Killian. It’s your life. Your livelihood.”

“Rob always tells me I have my good looks and acting to fall back on, but honestly I did all that because I could. Music was my passion; it was something I did because I wanted to.”

“And that is something that the accident took away from you.”

Killian shuddered with guilt to even feel anger about the loss of a career. “None of that mattered after he told me about Milah and the baby.”

“And how did you handle that?”

“I lost my mind. Ripped my IV out, Liam had to bring in security to restrain me. When I finally calmed down, he asked if I had been drinking that night. The look on his face showed so much disappointment.  I got angry, kicked him out of my room. Refused to speak to him for days.”

“Why do you think you reacted that way?”

“My whole life I’ve been living in Liam’s shadow. He was always the golden boy. Dad used to tell me that if the Jones brothers were to make anything of their lives, I just needed to watch my brother. He was the best of us.”

“What does Liam do for a living?”

“He’s a hero.”

“In your mind, I’m sure.”

“No like an actual damn hero. While I was making music on a stupid guitar, he was off fighting in a war.”

“Do you feel like your success was not earned because it wasn’t won the same way as Liam’s?”

“It wasn’t honorable like his. I sing stupid lyrics about dumb shit that doesn’t matter to anyone but me.” He stood up and started pacing the back of the room. “The night we got our record deal, his convoy got ambushed. I got the call that night that that his platoon had gone missing, presumed dead or captured. Days went by before we heard anything. A week later he came home a goddamn hero. Walked his whole platoon out of danger, fought off an attack, and won a fucking Gold Star. I got a record contract. A fucking record contract and he saved ten people. There was no living up to that.”

“Your success shouldn’t be compared to your brother’s sacrifices. It is admirable what he did but that doesn’t mean that everything you have earned means anything less.”

He paused, considering his words but knowing that nothing he would ever do could possibly match the honor of his brother.

“Have you thought about inviting him for family day coming up?”

“I’m not certain he would come even if I did.”

Killian continued to pace behind the couch. He spent the rest of his session thinking about his brother and the disappointment he had caused in the past year. The last time he had spoken to him still haunted his dreams.

“Killian you need help.”

“Fuck off, I’m fine.”

“How much coke is up your nose right now?”

“Enough that you are killing my buzz!”

“This isn’t you. The girls, the drugs, I don’t even know you anymore. You and Milah were…”

“Don’t, don’t talk about her. You don’t know anything about her. You don’t get to say her name.”

“Killian.”

“Get out, Liam. I never want to see you again.”

When he emerged from the office, he was surprised to see Ruby waiting around outside the door.

“Hello lass, are you next?”

“No, I just wanted to check on you.”

Killian had been impressed at how nice the girl had been to him since the incident on the beach where he was unable to perform a simple act of intimacy. He smiled at the girl. “No need, love. I’m fine, barely a scratch.” He joked.

He stilled when he saw the blonde he had been avoiding approaching them from the other side of the courtyard.

“Hey.”

“Hey Emma, meeting with Hop?” Ruby asked her roommate.

“Um yeah, guess it’s my turn to get my head shrunk.”

She made eye contact with him and he quickly looked away. He hadn’t spoken to the girl since she banished him from her sight after their last group session. That didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about her since then. He cursed the fact that it had been more than once.

“If you don’t mind Ruby, I am going to take a run.” He excused himself and left the ladies staring as he walked away.

~*~

“You scared him off.” Ruby complained as soon as he ran off.

“What did I do?”

“You’re always so mean to him.”

She rolled her eyes. “Geez Rubes, I get it you’re fucking him but I’m not going to be lectured about being nice to someone that has made my life hell since I got here.”

She flinched and then narrowed her eyes. “You give as good as you get. Hell, I’m surprised the two of you haven’t fucked with the way you go at each other.”

“Not if he was the last man on this island.” She stated louder than she had intended.

“Trying to convince me or yourself?” She pursed her lips and walked away.

“Whatever.” She pushed through the door and into the office.

“Good afternoon, Emma.”

“I guess.” She said sourly.

“So, last group session we spoke a lot about Neal? You’ve implied that your parents liked him.”

“Of course, everyone likes Neal. My parents think he’s the best thing for me.”

“And what do you think?”

“No one cares what I want, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“You’re pregnant?”

“That’s what happens when two lines show up on the fucking test, Neal.”

“How the hell did this happen?”

“It’s called sex, you asshole.”

“And you’re sure it’s mine?”

“What the hell, Neal.”

“Ok, sorry, what are you going to do now?”

“What am I going to do? Like this is all on me?”

“Emma, I’m just saying, we can’t have a damn baby.”

Later that evening as Emma’s legs worked the exercise bike in the lonely gym, she tried not to think about the child she gave away. She had seen his dark head of hair, ten fingers and ten toes, and she knew that if she even held him for ten seconds, she would have never let him go. So instead, she refused to hold him, only telling them his name as they took him from the room.

Henry.

She wondered where he was, what family had accepted him as their own. If he was being loved and taken care of.

She pushed herself faster, sweat pouring off her brow as she cycled harder and faster than she could even maintain. She screamed as loud as she could, pressing her feet against the pedals.

“I think you bested the mechanical beast.”

She jumped at the sound of another voice in the darkened silence of the gym.

“Can you not sneak up on me, for the last time?”

“Sorry, love. It was not my intention to sneak up on anyone. Apparently, you and I had the same idea for blowing off steam tonight. I can leave if you would prefer.”

She blew out a loud puff of air. “No, it’s not my gym, if you want to be here, I’m not going to stop you.”

He climbed onto the bike next to her and she noticed they each seemed to be matching the pace of the other, when she sped up, so did he. It was like a competition that neither would admit to entering.

The sweat was starting to drip down her back, her hair caked to her forehead. She chanced a glance in his direction and saw beads of sweat glistening on his skin. She wished to hell that didn’t make him more attractive than he already was. She silently wondered what it would feel like to run her hands across his wet flesh, immediately squeezing her thighs together as she worked the bike, the heat between her legs intensifying the more she glanced in his direction.

Suddenly his pace slowed beside her, and she breathed a sigh of relief, an unspoken win she would claim.

“You win.” He chuckled, with his hands in the air as he slowed his legs on the bike.

“Wasn’t aware we were in a race.” She tried acting as disinterested as she could.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

She glared in his direction. “Really, what gave you that clue?”

“Are you always this difficult or is it just for my benefit?”

She slowed down her speed and turned to look at him. “What do you want from me? Because I’m just trying to get through this fucking bullshit without losing my mind.”

“May I offer a suggestion?”

“From you?”

“Try something new darling, it’s called trust.”

“I don’t trust anyone but myself.”

“Come with me.” He climbed off his bike and gestured for her to follow him.

“What are you playing at?”

“No games, love.” He stared at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight coming through the large glass windows.

“Fine.” She groaned and followed him throughout the complex, leaving the lights of the buildings behind as her eyes saw the water come into view.

They walked without speaking for ten minutes, before he stopped and bent down to remove his shoes. “Come on, love, the sand begs to be felt, not trampled on.”

She stood defiantly watching him set his shoes to the side, pulling his socks off and standing before her, barefoot in his sweatpants. She held her breath before bending down and removing her shoes and socks and setting them next to his.

“Now what?” she said dryly.

“Let’s walk.”

She followed him reluctantly, the sand cold and coarse between her toes. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, with each footstep she felt her burden of the last few days become lighter.

“When things get to be too much, I find that the water, she calms me.”

Emma looked over at him, his hair blowing in the breeze, she noticed that his expression was lighter and calmer than she had ever seen him.

“She?”

“Aye, the ocean is my mistress.”

She laughed lightly. “Do you live near the ocean?”

“Aye. Seattle. And you?”

“New York, but I spend more time in the city than I do at the beach.”

“See that wasn’t so hard now was it?” He joked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Getting you to talk is quite the challenge. It’s like you’re afraid. Afraid to talk, to reveal yourself. To trust me.”

“I don’t trust anyone, don’t take it personally.”

“Not even Neal?”

She laughed loudly. “Nice try.”

“Sorry, love. Just trying to figure you out.”

“Why?”

“I like a challenge, I guess. Besides, no one should go through something like this alone.”

She stopped walking. “I am alone. None of us are here for each other. I don’t know you; you don’t know me. I’m not here to make friends.”

He turned to face her. “You’re not alone, Emma.”

Emma groaned. “Oh my God, why do you even care, you hate me anyway.”

“Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time when you’re not yelling at me.”

For a moment she just stared at him, his eyes latched onto hers. And then she started laughing. It began in her stomach and it overwhelmed her until she was practically giddy with choked giggles and tears that formed under her eyelids. She didn’t even know why she was laughing, nothing about what was happening to her was funny, yet here she was, full belly laughs almost taking her off her feet.

When she finally calmed, he was looking at her with a smile across his face. “Wow I haven’t laughed like that in years.” She said softly.

“Long overdue then, I should say.”

He didn’t push for anything else, he simply continued the walk, taking in the views of the ocean until his watch started to beep and they both realized the time.

“Guess we should head back.”

She looked up at him, wondering what else was going on behind those eyes of his. “Um yeah.” They turned back to where they left their shoes. “Thanks.” Her voice was so quiet she wondered if he even heard her. But he simply nodded and bent down to gather his shoes.

She expected him to say something as they went their separate ways to their rooms, but he surprised her with simply a smile and a nod before heading to his room. She didn’t know what to make of Killian Jones. But for a moment they seemed to be at a truce.

“Where have you been?” Ruby was waiting for her in their room, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Just walking. Therapy was a bit rough today.”

“Oh. Sorry. I’ve had a couple of those days.”

“You didn’t happen to see Killian around tonight, did you?”

“I’m not his keeper.” She said quickly.

“I know, I was just looking for him, couldn’t find him anywhere.”

“Booty call?”

She laughed. “Nah, just worried about him.”

Emma’s brow furrowed. “Oh, why?”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t really talk about himself much, but I could tell that his last few sessions were really getting to him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe check the gym next time. I think he goes there once everyone has left.”

“Oh?”

She turned to change her clothes, ignoring the questioning looks from her roommate.

“Get some sleep Rubes.”

Emma pulled the covers under her chin, basking in the darkness of the night. She didn’t know what to think of her evening on the beach. There were times she absolutely hated the man with one hand. Loathed the way he stared at her, knowing he was trying to get under her armor. She didn’t understand Killian Jones. But what gnawed at her even more was the fact that she wanted to understand him.

~*~

Killian fell into bed that evening with thoughts of Emma Swan. It wasn’t until he woke the next morning that he realized he didn’t dream of Milah. There was no nightmare of her in his arms, her life drained from her body. No dream of her hair blowing in the wind on the deck of his ship. A part of him was angry that Emma invaded his thoughts and kept him from seeing Milah’s face in his dreams. The other part was curious to understand what this woman had that was invading so much of his life.

“There you are!” He looked up to see Ruby approaching his table, her tray of food in her hand. “I looked all over for you yesterday.

“Sorry love, I was a bit lost in my head yesterday. Was everything alright?”

“Of course, silly. I just wanted to see you.”

He smiled tentatively at the girl. He liked Ruby. She was very nice to him, had kept their relationship or lack thereof private, and seemed to truly care about his wellbeing.

“Well, here I am. So, tell me, lass. How are you doing?”

She smiled widely. “I’m doing great. Family day is coming, and my Gran is definitely coming.”

“That’s excellent news.”

“What about you? Are you inviting anyone?”

“I don’t have my phone privileges for another day. But I haven’t decided yet if I will be inviting anyone.”

“You really should consider it. It’s another big step in your recovery when you can work through things with those you love.”

“Thanks, I’ll consider it.”

He looked up and caught Emma staring in his direction and he found himself wondering if family day would bring Emma’s boyfriend to the island. He almost wanted to see the man that had destroyed her view of trust and helped push her down the path that led her here.

He already disliked Neal, he’d heard enough in their group session about his part in leading a 14-year-old to drugs and alcohol. What kind of a man could do that to someone they care about?

How could anyone love someone yet assist them in destroying themselves?

“Come on Killian, what’s the big deal. It’s like alcohol but faster.”

“Can’t you get addicted to this stuff?”

“Baby, it’s just for fun. We won’t let it go that far. Do this with me, just this once.”

“Alright love, just this once. Anything for my Milah.”

He pushed the thoughts away, shoving the last of his food into his mouth and excusing himself from the table. He would be forced to face enough truth’s in his sessions with Dr. Hopper, he’d be damned if he were going to drive himself mad at breakfast.

[captaincvans]

Chapter 6: Welcome Home

03/16/20

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2067+

Warnings: Language; TW: Mentions of Miscarriage

Series Masterpost

A/N: Here we are! We’re at the end. Thank you for everyone who followed me on this journey, and I truly hope you enjoyed this mini-series!

The rest of the night was restless for Chris. He brainwashed himself into thinking Y/N was an awful person for the last few months, and he spent hours asking himself if this was a one-time mistake or if he just wasn’t the right person for her. He loves her, he knows that, but this is no longer a matter of love. Their love has been tested and boiled down to trust, and that trust has evaporated. Y/N would have a hard time trusting him again, if she ever could trust him again. And Chris was left with the fear of never being able to commit. He shared many times to his friends, family, and the media of how much he wanted to settle down and start a family, but there is a reason why it never happened. His fear of being trapped into this one thing, one label - actor, husband, father - it had consequences. He would never define himself as just an actor, he would share a plethora of himself with others before mentioning that he acts. To him, it was his job and not his identity. But marriage, fatherhood, that was an identity. Being in the media for so long, no matter how thick of a skin you have, you start losing a piece of yourself to the headlines and assumptions. And that was Chris’s biggest fear. He didn’t want to lose his identity to how people perceive him because he’s not just a “pretty boy” or “Captain America”, he was just Chris Evans, but he doesn’t know who Chris Evans is.  

Chris woke up to the sun, his body reacting quickly when he saw the time on his nightstand. 

9:13AM

He jumped out of his bed, quickly heading to the bathroom, putting on whatever clothes he could find. His night was restless, he tossed and turned until finally sleeping at 4AM, and why he woke up so late. He jumped to his car, breaking a few rules to get there before 9:30AM. He rushed in, automatically looking at their usual seat by the window, and his heart fell when he saw other patrons there. Fuck, he cursed at himself for waking up so late. He was about to pull out his phone when he saw a familiar outline by the back at the booth. 

“Y/N?” he called, slowly approaching her as she looked up. 

“Hey, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come at all.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I slept really late last night, and missed my alarm clock.”

“It’s fine. I ordered your usual.” 

“Thank you.”

“Well? Are you gonna sit down?”

He flushed red, quickly making his way to the seat in front of her. Chris’s heart soared when he saw the slight amused smile on her face. 

Before the awkward silence could settle in or more of Chris’s admissions of guilt, Y/N spoke first. “How have you been holding up, Chris?” 

“I- I’m fine! Really fine- I mean compared to-”

She shook her head, silencing him. “Are you well?”

He knew that was the question she asks when she knows he’s lying. It was a more intimate question. Asking him for vulnerability, and to assure that this was a safe place. “I’m,” he paused, trying to gather his thoughts and actually assess his feelings. He counted five seconds backwards, pausing to find his physical self amongst the hustle and bustle of the hectic life of the past few months. “I’ve been better, that’s for sure. Honestly, I’m trying to make it up to you. I feel awful for what I’ve done, and I’m going to therapy again! I want to be better, if not for you, then for me.” 

Y/N smiled, hearing the last few words, nodding in approval. “I’m so glad to hear that, Chris. I really am. Has the dust settled? Trial stuff is over with?”

“Yea, the last of the paperworks has been submitted last week.”

“Wow. I find it hard to imagine that the trial was a month ago.” Y/N shook her head fondly, memories of the last few weeks zooming through her head. 

“H-How have you been?”

“Good. Similar to yours. I’m going to therapy again as well, but overall I’m doing better than the last time you saw me.”

“That’s good.” Chris hesitantly looked at her stomach which she took notice. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Um- Th- The baby?” 

Y/N deflated and Chris nearly slapped himself for asking. “I had a miscarriage quite early on.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged, gnawing on her bottom lip. Despite having worked on this particular topic for the last month twice a week with her therapist, it was something she still found hard to talk about. 

“I’m sorry that you had to go through the miscarriage alone,” Chris said quietly. 

“When the media found out about the investigation, I found myself feeling so relieved that I had lost the baby… I don’t know what kind of person that makes me, but I can’t imagine going through that on top of a pregnancy.” 

Chris nodded, agreeing that a pregnancy would make her already hard life much more difficult at that time. 

“I grappled with a lot of guilt after that, feeling bad that I was feeling relieved. Then I lost my job, and I was even more grateful because I would not have been able to afford the necessary things for the baby- especially with how I was still making payments to John.” 

He continued nodding, listening intently to her feelings as he wanted to make sure he knew the reality of her life in the last eight months. 

“The media really was just the worst of it all, y’know? Well- I’m sure you know since you had to deal with it for your whole career, but I lost my job because of them… and now- Now I can’t even go out without feeling anxious. I’m so scared of going out, and being hounded like that.” Just the thought of going out with the flashing cameras gave her flashbacks of having cameras shoved in her face, people bombarding all around her, not even giving her the room to move. 

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I let my insecurities and stupid brain get in the way of us.” 

“I think it all worked out for the best.” She didn’t say it maliciously, she loved him too much to say things for the sake of hurting him. It was the honest truth, and she knew Chris would agree that this was for the best. 

Chris nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knew it worked out for the best, his therapist told him that this would’ve been the best outcome. If this whole ordeal didn’t happen, they would’ve gotten married, and Chris would let his feelings of insecurity and being trapped fester to the point where it might get messier. He was silent for a few seconds, breaking it with a question that he didn’t know he wanted the answers to. “Would you ever consider being with me again?”

“I- I honestly never thought about it. What do you think will happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“If we get back together?” 

“I-I don’t know. I never really thought it through either.” 

“I’m sorry, Chris, but you may be a romantic, but I’m a realist. If we do somehow get back together, I think there’ll be a huge rift between us. You will never trust me, and I will never believe that you would trust me completely. What about the next time we fight? I can’t say that you wouldn’t pull out the same words you did that night. Any big decisions we make will have that looming tension because of the difference in our finances.” 

“We’ll talk it out-”

“Like we talked it out when you thought I was stealing money from you?”

“We’ll go to couple’s therapy. We can work this out-”

“Chris, don’t you get it?” 

“I know it isn’t fair to ask, but why won’t you give us another try?”

“Because I’m scared! Our-Our breakup nearly killed me,” she said quietly. “I don’t want that dependency ever again, and it wasn’t just about the breakup. The person you became in those months you were detaching yourself, the person I became, it just scared me. To think I could let those feelings of inadequacy and awkwardness build up for so long because I was afraid to lose you- because I was not ready or prepared at the possibility of not having you in my life. That- That is something I never want to feel. I loved you, Chris, so much, and I still love you, but you can’t be my entire life. I need to be able to live without you.” 

Chris sighed, not of disappointment because he was feeling everything but that. He was so proud to hear of Y/N’s wisdom, it was a quality he always adored and respected in her. She wouldn’t give his bullshit a pass, but she never made it seem like a black and white problem. There was a complexity that they both understood in being human, and the problems that come with it. He understands the breakup was still his fault, and right now there was no way they could go back to being in a relationship despite their love for one another. “Y/N… Do you- Do you hate me?” Chris asked genuinely. He was surprised at the idea that despite how much he hurt her that she was willing to forgive and love him, and he wanted to know if there was even a part of her that would hate him.

“Chris.” She put her hand on the hand that rested idly on the table. “For the last several months, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve thrown things. I was so frustrated at you- I was so angry that you wouldn’t listen to me- I was upset that you never gave me a chance. But never- never did I hate you. In that same lens, I was frustrated with myself- I was angry, and I was upset at myself because despite everything you said, and how much you hurt me- using my insecurities against me, I still love you. These past three years that I’ve been with you, I have loved you more than the day before, so much so that I would be able to say that I loved you for your past, current, and future. It would take a lot more than your projection of your own insecurity and fear to stop me from loving you.” 

He let out the breath he was holding, gazing into her eyes to see the sincerity and love that was still there despite everything she’s been through. Chris shook his head in awe at the amazing person in front of him. He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m a goddamn fool to let you go.” 

She laughed alongside him. “Yes- yes, you are a meatball. But hey, we’re all meatballs at one point in our lives. That’s why second chances are a thing.” 

The two parted ways, having made no commitments to ever seeing each other again, but knowing their paths will cross again, even if it’s just a few supportive messages between friends. Chris knew how important it was to work on himself, and he knew better to try getting back together when he had yet to make any attempts to fix the problem. Y/N happily enjoyed her distance from him and the media. She never deserved his anger, never deserved the last few months of all that’s happened, and she knows that. She always knew that. What makes it complicated is the amount of love she held for him- the empathy, compassion, and understanding she’s showed him despite everything awful he did to her. She never thought it was a bad thing to forgive him so quickly, because she knew it was for her peace of mind more than it was for him. She was thankful for the love they shared, and more importantly the love they still share for one another. Afterall, it was because of their love for each other that they knew innately what the other needed even with such distance between them, but it was time they focus that love on themselves.

<– (Chapter 5)

- Tag List -

@lost-in-t-h-e-abyss @vogueworthy-barnes @hista-girl @tfandtws @aletteredaffair @traceyaudette @lupine-princess @songforhema @stella2445 @coffeebooksandfandom @qrndevans @straightforwardly @cesarofangirl78 @buckybarneslove76 @kaithezaftig  @evanstush @ownerofthebastard @jadedhillon @ka-x-in @lili-ann-love @bulldozed88 @dolan-mendes @jeleners1430 @yougurt-con-avena @fandomoneshots-imagines @patzammit @ramblingsnfandom @beanthedoggo @luckylightfiction @luckyfiction17 @chrisevanssleeping @snave-sirhc @gemgemswift @firstangeldragonranch @hiddlesbitch1 @virtualmemmecollector @heladoom @crimeshowtrash @notyourtypicalrose @peach-acid @uneniffler @cloudyskylines @simmisblog @shikshinkwon @queenkronk @aubageddon91 @thefandomzoneisdangerous @the-soulofdevil @lizblinder @what-is-your-wish @natdrunk @capsiclesdoll @genesgoingtohamslam @kapokipa666 @mom—nicole @cltex84 @star-spangled-steve @sassyspacedust @dlb113 @bojabee @iwik3it @samsebsblog @friyak1 @multireality @joannie95 @mrsfox79 @lady-x-red @princess-evans-addict @aria253264 @fallenoutofrose @bitchwhytho @frencchfries @shmara100 @honeymarvelz @jilybeanz @saiyanprincessswanie @chi00072 @youaremyfiveever @madisonpillstrom @13-reasons-ideas @christocrave @impairedmuse @itsallyscorner @bellaireland1981 @icanfeelastormbrewing @thereisatardison221bbakerstreet @sweet--rabbit @samsebsblog @stilltoomuchafangirl @kaetastic @sweetlittlegingy @bigbandbombshell @mishagreenleaf  @shannon124 @the-wayward-robot