#(ill probably feel bad about this in 2 hours and complete my shit like a good girl)

[rubyvroom]

Rules for When You Have a Cool Manager

As someone who has been described as “one of the good ones” I feel obligated to share this with you. 

Your Manager Is Not Your Friend. For a multitude of reasons. Even if you like them. Even if they like you. This is not a balanced relationship. This is a professional relationship that can be based in trust and respect but it can never have the give and take of a friendship while one of you has hiring and firing power over the other. 

Your Manager is Not Your Friend Part 2. I have people working under me who have been through some shit. What they probably don’t know is that I have been through some of the same shit myself. They don’t know this because I don’t tell them about my personal life. I don’t tell them about my mental illness, I don’t tell them about family issues or money struggles or health problems. I do not share these things at work. It’s not my role as the manager to put my issues on my team. I’m there to support them. 

Your Manager Is (Probably) Not The Ultimate Power In Your Workplace. It’s great if your manager has your back. But even your manager has a boss and we all have HR to deal with. And what most people don’t understand is, a lot of times your manager’s input into what you get paid is real, real limited. Often the company dictates what each role should be paid, and when you can promote, and what kind of raises you can give. If someone asks me explicitly for a raise most of the time I simply can’t do anything about it, because it’s not up to me. It sounds like bullshit when I say I have to take it back to Senior Management, but it’s the truth. 

Do Not Abuse Your Manager’s Goodwill. This is the big one, and the one that is hardest for me to explain to my own team.  I’m gonna be real honest here. I will let you get away with a lot. I will take excuses I know are bullshit. I will try to get you the holiday bonuses and the cash awards and the perks because let’s face it, the company can afford it and I don’t give a shit about the shareholders. I think we all deserve to get paid more. I don’t care if you show up at work at 9am and work the exact complete 8 hours a day as long as you are getting your work done and doing a good job. BUT I can’t tell people this shit, and not just because I don’t want to get in trouble. There’s always the one person who’s gonna ruin it for everyone else. They’ll take my willingness to avert my eyes once in awhile and use it for shenanigans. They’ll push it to the point where they aren’t doing the work and just as importantly, to the point where they get caught and then I have to crack down on everyone else and I hate doing that! I give people a break because I care about the people on my team, but I’m not stupid and I’m not a sucker. Don’t push your luck.  

Don’t Tell Your Manager Incriminating Shit. Come on, man. Don’t do it.

Do Tell Your Manager When You’re Struggling. Sometimes I can do something to make things easier. I can reduce your workload, I can give you better resources to do your job, I can go yell at somebody if they’re being a dick to you. What I can’t do is read minds. So if you get to the point where you’re ready to resign and I had no idea you were having trouble, who’s fault is that? I know people don’t want to make themselves look bad in front of the boss, but the fact is that everyone goes through hard times, everyone has personal problems sometimes, and everyone can burn out. We can adjust, make some changes, and things can be better. But only if you tell me.

[mattphobiia]

OPPOSITES ATTRACT 2.

matt and i arrived at the party thirty minutes ago along with chris, who was probably doing regular party shit in the backyard. nick couldn't make it because he was "ill", but we all knew that was bullshit. we were mainly just talking about university and about all our curriculum subjects but it was hard to focus on matt when chris walked back into the loud atmosphere stumbling around with his stupid smirk on his face. his black shirt, golden chain, with slightly damp hair. god if he wasn't the annoying chris sturniolo i could've pounced on him with how attractive he was. yes, he has an annoying face but its also hot. suddenly, my eyes shift back to matt who was now holding a weird object to his lips.

"matt, what is that?" i question while laughing, trying to peek from his hands who now covered it. he quickly stuffed it back into his pocket while acting like nothing had happened. i felt uneasy and confused before i reached my hand to grab it until i felt my heart drop. my face began to scrunch up in disbelief as he was using a a vape.

"what the fuck is this?" my voice breaks, shoving it directly in front of his face as he begins to breathe heavily and stutter on his words; why was he vaping?

"i- uh... i'm sorry, just- chris got me into it... and it helps calms my nerves-" he blurts out, a look of guilt on his face.

i interupt him with the sudden smash of me throwing it to the floor in a rage while matt jumps back to avoid all the broken pieces that flew around, looking at me before we both began to laugh awkwardly as we both walked over to chris to get him from this party, not that i wanted to though.

"fucking hell, chris you are so drunk." i scoff, rolling my eyes. i had a bad history of people who drunk excessive amounts of alcohol so i really didn't like to hang around drunk people.

"shut up, you're so pretty but- you talk so much." he replies in an exaggerated tone, grabbing my face with his hand before he launched his lips against mine.

my heart immediately began to race as matt watched us in surprise, trying to hide his laugh as i attempted to push him off but failed. he had a strong grip against both my arms as he held them behind my back while he pressed his own body into me. i mumbled in annoyed as my eyes shut tightly. why was i slightly enjoying this? well, not the taste of alcohol and cigarettes, but his lips felt soft. after what felt like hours, he finally pulled away and released his grip on me as i almost tumbled into matt.

"what the fuck chris?!" i scream, slapping his face as i storm away from them both. that slap felt nice. matt immediately rushed after me while chris stood there like a fool, but discarded it as he went back for a last drink before also leaving with us.

it was now time to experience an awkward car ride back home, im so happy. chris laid spread out in the backseats while mumbling random things to himself while throwing up in a target bag, while matt and i just stared ahead of us. there was nothing to be said really, apart from the mystery in my head of why chris full on kissed me.

"im never drinking again, im dying!" chris exaggerates before leaning his head back down in exhaustion.

"thats a fucking lie, i swear you've been drinking for an eternity but still don't know your limit?"

"i- i know my limit! why are you talking when you dont even drink!" he shouts, beginning to cough before throwing his head back into the bag.

"this is fucking disgusting, i almost feel bad until i remember that you're chris sturniolo, and i do drink for your information!"

"my head is spiralling matt." he groans, completely ignoring me while matt hums in agreement not knowing what to say. i could tell he was getting aggravated with our bickering but blame chris, not me.

"don't fucking ignore me! also, why did you kiss me? you were my first kiss moron!" i scream, chris jolting his head up before getting interrupted by the sudden halt of matt pressing on the breaks.

"oh- fuck. jesus matt!" he stuttered, trying to change the subject before matt slammed his fist onto the wheel in anger.

"will both of you fucking shut up?! im tired of your constant fighting, chris get the fuck out of my car and throw that bag away, y/n, let's just forget the kissing incident! please guys, i have such a bad headache." he groans, falling back into the wheel as he sighs heavily.

chris and i remain awkwardly silent before he opens the car door and wonders away. i turn my head around to face the window before feeling my heart sink. matt never usually yelled and i felt bad for stressing him out this way.

"look-" we both began to say, giggling as matt motioned for me to start.

"i'm sorry about constantly fighting with chris, i just don't like hanging around with drunk people- and he-"

"-kissed you. it's fine, i'm sorry for yelling at you both. i just wish you could get along." he smiles sadly before i pulled him into a tight hug.

"i know matt, i wish we could." i sigh into his shoulder before the door opened again and chris slumps back inside the back seat.

"get a room weird-"

"oh my god!- no, im not saying anything." i interrupt myself before returning to my seat as matt starts the engine again.

chris rolled his eyes in annoyance as he rested his head against the cold glass of the window, staring out into the distance before his eyes fully shut.

MASTERLIST / P1 , P3 , P4

a/n: part 3 is coming sooooon😜😜😜 love u all sm i appreciate all my support! im not sure when the next part will be released but ill work on it when i can, there should be around 4-5 parts (maybe 6 if ur lucky)

[heartfucksmouth]

just crying silently while holding a finally-sleeping baby (20 lbs and 2.5 feet tall baby) who refused to nap longer than 30 mins today and has emotional tantrums like a 2 yr old, complete with throwing their bodies backwards and biting lolol this poor kiddo just wants to be a big people

I think I'm just crying bc I'm so tired and feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about literally everything in life. like why does the world continue to spiral out in flames and I feel like I'm in survival mode when all I've wanted to do for 4 years is actually LIVE and THRIVE and, now, raise my child to be a good human but everything is isolating and a fucking battle to get done and I feel lonely and I can't even spend time with my partner or focus on myself I feel like time is constantly running out, money is running out, kindness is running out, and my brain cells can't even function anymore.

like. being a mom and being ill is really fucking hard. as if that's a surprise, but I'm so overwhelmed anticipating the next 3 months bc I've got 10 more appointments this month alone, plus an endoscopy and my pre-op is in MAY and I'm gonna have fucking hip surgery while I have a 1 year old who will probably definitely be walking lmao

also the world is on fire, did I say that? myles hours got cut at ups bc they're greedy fucks and we simultaneously lost our food stamps bc he made too much money during holiday season and I've been waiting over a month for my new application to get filed and I'm basically living on coffee smoothies electrolytes and whatever his mom cooks for dinner. at least I can kind of feed my kid tho even tho he wants solid food already bc on the inside he's a 30 yr old and WIC only pays for formula + purees.

day by day. hour by hour. it's all I can do. I'm so. fuvking. sick of burning out 2 days after I finally recover. I have so much more to say but no energy to form words anymore.

parenting is so fucking triggering it's wild. today wasn't even all that bad, either, but everything reminds me of my past right now. and I continue having to mask and play nice with a literal energy vampire that we live with sooooo

editing to add that I am still extremely obsessed with my son , he's beautiful and his laughter is like a drug I've never experienced and he looks like a literal cherub when he sleeps but holy shit let's start being honest about parenting too. this world doesn't make ANYTHING easy for most people...

[falsebooles123]

Confessions of a Recovering Genre-Phobic 02/04/2024

Hey Whores;

God what is this week? Well work has fucking sucked. People calling in sick, one of the refrigerators going down. Also one of my favorite work friends has left the chat to go on to green pastures and I just need to get out of there and move on with my life right?

In terms of love IDFK right? Ok here me out why bitches got to take so long to text you back and I get that its probably me just being triggered and having filters or some shit but also bitch. Treat me like a king. act like you want to be with me or some shit. I think its a lot were when people don't text me back its cause they have a life and our doing things and I distract myself with dumb shit because I hav eno goddamn friends. Anyway thanks for reading this prime example.

IDFK. Thanks for listening here are my dumb bitch thoughts on music and also Lelslie Hall has 5 albums and its homophobic you never told me...................................emrwopirjaksdlfjasklfjasdlk;fjasdlkf.

Footnotes For the Spring (2015) - Eliza Rickman

Genre: Folk, Baroque Pop? Length: 43:15 (11 Tracks)

Ok gurl I'm bad at describing genres Eliza Rickman is somewhere between Florence Welch and the Unwoman. She's what evermore Taylor wishes to be. Just imagine a feyish women in a white chiffon gown in a field of daisys singing baleful songs that are maybe sexual???

I don't have a lot to say about this album. If you like Eliza Rickman your gonna like this. She has a certain sound and I love it because I love beautiful esoteric women.

3.5/5 (I'm starting to feel like my number ratings don't mean shit.)

Too Young To Be Sad (2021) EP - Tate McRae

Genre: Pop, R&B? Length: 17:32 (6 Tracks)

All The Things I Never Said (2020) EP - Tate McRae

Genre: Pop, R&B? Length: 15:00 (5 Tracks)

Ok I think I was confusion Addison Rae with Olivia Rodriguez. and then confusing her with Tate McRae. I'm really sorry pop girlies.

When I first heard Tate McRae I was up at a ridicoulas hour in december and felt like I should be hip with THEE YOUTHSSSSS.

I vagualy remember her as a bedroom pop girly singing these sad piano ballads and honestly did I jsut mix her up with another singer. Cause like I distinctly remember her doing like sad piano ballads and this ain't it. Which is a great thing because I actually kinda love this.

Like lets be real this is pretty standard what I think R&B is. WHich gurl how did I forget a complete genre of music. and you know what im ok with this being a bit generic because I don't know the genre and I'm vibing.

Ill have to check out her full albums and sorry for the shit I was talking earlier.

4/5 for both EPs.

Hot Buttered Soul (1969) - Isaac Hayes

Genre: Soul Length: 45:24 (4 Tracks)

Ok so apparently this is a seminal album in the Soul Genre. Which ok. I'm sure it is but I feel like I'm do much of a dummy to get it.

IDK bitch you know what soul music sounds like? well good this has a 20 minutes Track in it so do with that information what you will.

2/5

Home Vol. 1 EP (2012) - JohnnySwim

Genre: Folk Length: 18:48 (5 Tracks)

I don't have much to say about this album. Have you heard any 2010s folk music? This is it. We have beautiful voices. Clapping, and stories of love and heartbreak. I mean what more do you want babygirl?

3/5

Ambient 1: Music for Airports (1978) - Brian Eno

Genre: Ambient Length: 42:20 (4 Tracks)

So I don't actually know if I ever finished this album.

Mostly because this album was meant as an instullation piece where it would be looped ad naseum but suffice to say.

BItch do you know what Ambient Music is? Its like music thats more about a calm and chill tone then it is about being energetic or attention grabbing. Its music thats designed to be ignored. The elegance of design.

This is fantastic. Sexisest Airport Music I would stick in my gob anytime.

4/5

Uptown Special (2015) - Mark Ronson

Genre: Funk, R&B Length: 38:50 (11 Tracks)

Uptown Special is probably most known by the layman for being the album that made Uptown Funk which is ft. Bruno Mars. I was already under the impression that it was the other way around. So I have learned and so have you.

I don't have much to say about this album. Think about funk music. Now imagine is someone made a really solid funk album with a bunch of fantastic guest artist including Stevie Wonder??? Thats crazy.

If anything Uptown Funk is one of the weakest song on this tracklist definetly worth a listen.

4/5

Cool Patrol (2018) - Ninja Sex Party

Genre: Comedy Rock? (thats what it says on Wikipedia will get into it) Length: 37:28 (15 Tracks)

OK did I like? Ninja Sex Party or was I just kinda horny for the vast majority of 2010s LP's. (I don't think I'm gay for Markiplier.... but)

So Ryen? What the fuck is Ninja Sex Party. ok. So its the 2010s, youtuber is full of comedic music videos and a star is born somewhere in the conceptional space adjacent to acts like LMFAO and Wierd Al. NSP is a comedic music duo consisting of Danny SexBang who is that guy in the spandex and Ninja Brian who is the mall ninja guy. SexBang likes to fuck and Brian likes to murder people a lot.

Most of the songs are these comedic sex jokes filled with dick puns and the music style is very 80s glam rock or power ballad. There not wrong when you call it comedic rock but its very limiting. Its very much a parody of those kinda corny 80s love ballads but NSP also dips there toes in Space Opera, comedic skits and so on and so forth. There pretty fun. If your a fan of like Leslie Hall or Key of Awesome or any other 2000s - 2010s comedic music artist then youd get a kick out of them.

This is pretty fun. Its like a dirty weird al yankovic album. Its not that deep fan.

3/5

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

big long rant abt how happy i am rn but its LONG ^_^

holy shit . its a sunday evening and im somehow SO FUCKING HAPPY. like. nnothing even HAPPENED today i just had A GOOD DAY IN GENERAL this is incredible. like. i watched a nice tv episode and saw a funny video and played some minecraft and hollow knight and watched a fuckin crazy jrwi episode and woke up before the sun and felt the wind and watched the sun and heard the birds and. man. and tomorrow i know i have school and thats not even ruining my mood at all. because i have history. and my history teacher is nice. and he wont mind that i havent done any of the work because he gets it. and he explains things in interesting ways and hes kind and he never shouts and its the only class i not only feel comfortable asking questions, but where i WANT to ask questions because hes NICE about questions and i usually probably wouldnt care abt the shit were learning abt but he tells it like its actually REAL and not just a sheet of information. and im just happy. and whilst i didnt finish my codeflippa drawing like i hoped i would, i think ive come to terms w the fact i dont think i wanna ever Finish it, bc my creativity for it died down. i think ill just surround it in a few more flippa doodles n then post it bc ITSF FINE !!!! man. and like. i think ive remembered how it felt to be 5 again. when everything was SO EXCITING and i had no worries about the future because the only thing that EXISTED was here and now. and the world WAS big and scary but it was also incredible and interesting and full of light and colour and. like right now i can smell dinner cooking and for once im taking a moment to feel excited about that. because YES dinner happens everyday but !!! isnt it great that theres gonna be food soon !!!!!! and ill be able to eat it and i hope its smth i like. my sense of smell DID get fucked up 2 years ago BUT THAT ONLY MEANS DINNERS EVEN MORE OF A SURPRISE !!! it smells vaguely of HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT SMELLS LIKE THAT ONE CHICKEN DISH I HAD A LOT LIKE 5 YEARS AGO it most likely isnt that but ica nt belive i remember what that smells like . and like !!!! right now im listening tot he celeste soundtrack AND ITS SO GOOD !!!!!!! and MUSIC SOUNDS SO GOOD !!!!! and i played minecraft today and i tamed a dog called. smth. i havent named it yet. and a cat named smth toast related bc i was rlly hungry 4 toast and then i saw it. and i found out there r 3 seperate villages all really close to my base and i built a farm with potatoes and carrots and wheat and i mined for ages and realised my sense of direction in minecraft maybe isnt as bad as i thought it was because i spent like 2 hours in a cave and got utterly lost, but still knew which way west was. and i played a little hollow knight and didnt do too much but got across greenpath because i started a new save yesterday where i did all of crossroads. and if i play more hk later im gonna complete greenpath (or atleast what u can do b4 any other areas). and i saw my cat this morning !!!! and he was so friendly and he went meow meow meow and i went meow meow meow. and i just watched the new DW episode and !!!!! it was rlly good !!!!! ofCOURSEit had its moments of :/ BUT THAT DW FOR U IT ALWAYS HAS ITS :/ MOMENTS but it was SO good !!!!!!! and i love life sm rn and i can hum along to celeste music and my room is a good temperature and. my face ghurts bc ive been smilng so much. but im happy ^_^ and who knows how ill feel later tonight but what matters is that RIGHT NOW i m so in love witht he world :3

[the-iron-shoulder]

Felt the need to reblog a bunch of Ragnarok Online shit last night and now I just kind of have feels about RO

It’s a genuinely bad game. Poorly balanced. Grind to win. Ill-defined goals. Fucked up economy. Story weak even by early MMO standards. And yet…

Well, it was my first MMO, and so I have nostalgia goggles for it. For being in high school and actually playing online with my friends, which was a rarity in those days. The art is really charming. The music is hit-and-miss, but the hits definitely zap me back in time to the early 2000s, mostly in a good way.

I played on so many different pirate servers over the years. Each one different but also fundamentally the same.

At times in my life when my adhd is worst, like “can’t get meds and/or the meds aren’t working,” I’ve returned to it as kind of a whole-brain mindless stim. “I want to play RO” is, for me, a legitimate warning sign that my mental health ain’t where I want it to be.

Even when it was new/current/not “medicinal” for me, I had more fun thinking about it than playing it. Making character builds was fascinating; grinding for days to turn those builds into a reality was not fascinating. But then you play on a server with drastically increased XP rates and you don’t have to grind much at all… but then you realize that there’s nothing to do with the characters in that case. The build is the game, but then there’s nowhere to go with it. It’s just bad design, but it’s nonetheless something kind of special to me.

God. I remember at least one server where the monsters would have little things they’d say, but they were usually poorly translated and/or misspelled, and it was hilarious. The Minotaur yelling “I’ll crash you flat with my hammar!” will live with me until I die. I say that shit all the time and it’s been like fifteen years, probably more.

Heh, I remember that when I started, there were only the 2-1 jobs. The 2-2 jobs like sage and alchemist came later, let alone the ascended jobs like the paladin or whatever the hell third jobs came after that (what was it, like, merchant/blacksmith/mastersmith/mechanic or something, whatever that progression was), and so like each new generation had to have more elaborate sprites, but the heads stayed exactly the same because that was your customizable part with the hair and the hat and stuff, so you had these little cartoon heads that looked fine with your first or second job but that looked completely ridiculous sitting on the body of a Rune Knight on their fuckin dragon or a Mechanic in their mech armor or whatever, it was hilarious… I recall someone on some forum commenting on this and just saying “we are ugly potatoes :(“

No grand conclusion, no punchline, no moral, just disjointed feelings about a game that I’ve sacrificed hundreds of hours to and that I feel a confused tenderness for but that I don’t actually enjoy

[wack-ashimself]

Probably the single most UNpredictable movie I have ever saw.

(but that doesn't mean it's totally worth every minute of its' THREE HOUR run time)

'Beau is Afraid.'

So I know the story and highlights of the director's 'Hereditary.' Dark, fucked up, a few good twists.

And I saw Midsommer (one of the DARKEST MOVIE INTROS since 'Ghost Ship'.) To me, it's was just 'Wickerman' 2020s edition: new paint job. Solid movie, few new additions, but very predictable (again, except that fucking intro man!)

<If you're wondering, I never saw 'Heredity' because way too much story info came out before I saw it which...ruins the fun.>

So I had to see Beau. And here's my takeaway:

What if the entire world was suffering from some level of mental illness?

Because, semi spoilers but honestly? Not TOO much...

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS REAL OR IN HIS HEAD. AND THEY NEVER EXPLICITLY TELL YOU!

Besides a couple of the scenes just DRAGGING out, moving no where (art to BE art instead of have a point), I was practically NEVER bored. I can say that. Because I had no fucking clue what was going on. My catch phrase was "what the fuck does that mean? And they better explain that!"

<WHICH THEY NEVER DO IN ANY WAY!? Paraphrasing from the words of the creator, this movie is 100% open to interpretation.>

I do gotta warn you about 3 things tho.

1-everybody is a bad guy. No one comes out looking good, really. But again, is this all in his head!? YOU DO NOT KNOW!

2-It was INCREDIBLY violent. You NEVER would have guessed from the trailer, but....exploding bodies. Seriously.

3-Because of the above 2, this movie makes you uncomfortable and squirmish. Trust me-it's hard to make me go 'wtf' and almost want to turn something off (especially if it's not grotesque, more...fucked up and weird) but there will be parts of this movie you'll want to turn away from, but you can't because....

--THE SET DESIGNS WERE AMAZING! NOTHING felt hollywood stage, cheap wood and spackle. The special effects were pretty solid too. This felt, for such an over the top cartoonish crazy world, REAL. Like you could touch it, or fall into it by accident yourself. You could study this film frame by frame some scenes; they put in THAT much work into the background.--

'Beau is afraid': 7/10. It ain't my favorite movie, but thank god for something COMPLETELY different. If you know where this movie is going within in the first 30 minutes, kudos. You're a fucking artistic genius. It felt like every....10-15 minutes you had NO IDEA what was coming around the corner. THAT is a feeling I miss from movies*.

ps-favorite part? Set designs AND camera work. Don't get me wrong, acting and writing was near perfect. But the amount of detail (you will miss SO MUCH) in each background, and his smooth maneuvering of the camera to feel like you're just walking with them....I literally just clapped my hands for. It was impressive. SKILLFUL. You don't do that by accident, but tedious work.

pps-least fav part? ...by the end of the movie, you realize humans are capable of some really twisted fucked up nightmare shit. You have to have a fucked up brain to write these kinds of things, too...

*We should start a (spoiler free) list of best totally and completely unpredictable movies. Honestly? I'm having a hard time thinking of one....best I got? 'Parasite' and 'Old Boy'. Ha. Both not American. Guess we ran out of creativity, huh? But this is prob #1 most unpredictable. Sometimes it felt like each scene was written by a different person in a way...except for the violence....that's quite consistent...

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 50

Very brief message because it's 3:30AM and all I want is to SLEEP.

I made the reckless decision to brutally go off antidepressants completely just so I can experience the full syptoms of whatever mental illness(es) I have so I can get a better and hopefully more accurate diagnosis and be take more seriously next time I see a psychiatrist.

Three days ago I felt EXTREMELY anxious for asbolutely no reason at all. I wanted to go to the restaurant, I went, and almost as soon as I stepped foot out of my flat, I got anxious. Over nothing. I just FELT anxious. And I was also super irritated by everything. That was the case yesterday too, and a little bit today as well, but it really is less and less.

These past two days I've been feeling super motivated and happy. I can get lots of stuff done and I want to get lots of stuff done. I believe in crazy shit like "I'm going to write a book and have it published" or "I'm going to study 3D animation" or "I'm going to become a tattoo artist". And to think 3 days ago I just thought I was going to do none of that and just work whatever job I'd be given...?

Anyway, I know this is probably very temporary and a relapse is probably going to kick in soon, hopefully in a week or two only, but it's probably more a matter of a couple of days.

I got my Heartstopper tattoo and I'm so so happy about it. I also love my tattoo artist. What I see in her is like... a 15 year older version of myself? We happen to have quite a lot in common except she is under medication that really treats her illness well and therefore she is pretty stable and enjoys her daily life, and that just gives me hope for my own future.

Anyway, I'll try to keep this blog updated more regularly, especially because I wanna keep track of how my mental state evolves, especially since I've had a hard time focusing and remembering anything lately, and also because whenever I feel bad I get sort of "black outs" and forget :')

See you soon hopefully

xx

Update:

I posted the first part at around 3/4AM so in order to update I must do it on the same post.

Around 2AM I felt peaceful and like I was about to fall asleep but I made the very stupid decision to reply to my grandma's messages knowing it was going to take me 2 hours. So at around 4/5AM, when I finally could go to bed, I felt super anxious, I felt like someone was in the room watching like lowkey paranoid. I think I even woke up in the middle of the night hearing someone's breath but honestly it was probably just mine obviously. I think I fell back asleep and woke up again a little before 12PM.

Then I knew I really had to finish preparing my trip to England which is just under two weeks away from now but it made me so fucking anxious. I still managed and ended up taking a lot of pleasure in it! I was pretty much laughing hysterically at everything.

Then I got up to get prepared because I'm getting my 2nd booster against Covid, which I was totally chill about until I left the house and almost had a full blown crisis with tears and anxiety, which I've been trying to fight for the past hour. It's only 10 mins til my appointment. I'm not scared of the shot in itself, I'm just too unstable. I'm not even sure the vaccine in itself is the real cause of my mental anguish, I think it's mostly because I promised myself after this shot I would stop wearing my mask, which should be liberating but instead makes me feel miserable.

We're the 21st of April and it's day 3 (I think) with no medication at all. I refrain from taking anything, not even a bit of medication against anxiety.

At some point I tried to remember what I did yesterday and just couldn't for about a minute. I still feel dizzy when I walk most of the time. When I say or think about the words "death" I just wanna cry. I wish I could die to end the suffering right as I'm writing this but when I think of dying I just get traumatizing flashbacks from my dad's death.

I'm trying to sit down somewhere and collect myself because I really must not cry in front of some poor strangers working at the pharmacy. They haven't done anything to deserve to see me like this.

I am so in pain right now. I wish a doctor would listen and try to help.

[hanzi83]

The “Everyone Puts On an NWO  Shirt” Edition

The last blog I wrote about the right wing shift within entertainment seeping into politics was published before I saw the shit storm after “Progressive” host Cenk from TYT had to double down on what his co-host Ana Kasparian’s reactionary position is and then play the victims. Like I am sure there have been and will be bad faith actors trying to make shit worst, but most of the peers of these people were not shitting on them completely and approaching why the rhetoric is dangerous and covered it on their shows because TYT is an influential platform, you don’t believe me, watch one of their live 2 hour streams where the commercials are literally sucking their own dick about how further they were compared to other progressive movements and how many times they are right, so when they argue in bad faith, and people are telling you to reflect and reconsider the angle you are taken, if you care about the marginalized communities that you claim to fight for then why are these people becoming Bill Maher. A lot of leftists are nice about this to a fault because they don’t want to burn the bridge with TYT, but they are certainly trying to burn bridges with other leftists. Ana flat out said she is done collaborating with other leftists because they get used and get boosted up to trash them. I can understand the Jimmy Dore’s of the world doing shit like that, but the people they are claiming now called them names etc, didn’t call them names at all. Just because people call you out on your bad takes that are conveniently getting boosted up by the usual right wing suspects online, then maybe rethink your position but these people want to be known for their informative stories but incorporate shitty entertainment to get sitcom dialogue off, because that is what we need, more political commentators doing their Trump impression. Let me sum up the situation before I go further, because maybe people don’t get what is going on. I know me expressing myself via blog will make people catch feelings but anything I write or say is just my opinion and my theory. Remember people weaponized the mentally ill shit on me to discredit me but then suddenly think I am credible if I dare question conspiracy theories. The reason I want to try and explain and go through the process, because I have seen my fair share of rebranding with public figures, you start to see the trend and this one with TYT it has been one of those rebrands that feel like one of the forced things on the planet. I never seen it be so fucking transparent, and maybe that is by design because you either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain. 

So let me point out better and more informed people who have written or talked about this have done a good job  and go look at their coverage and opinions about this. I know I am not well versed in how to articulate myself at times, and there are always vultures trying to take advantage, it probably doesn’t help that I run my digital mouth when I feel people are being recruited to joining the right wing side and people will lesser of the 2 evils this shit, which they had condemned if people voted for a democrat. They spent years generalizing Trump supporters, and now when they are ready to pivot to the right, suddenly they promote peaceful shit with people who are being radicalized to tink minority groups are lesser than, So Ana from TYT, did a video a few years back about inclusive language in medical procedures to referring to trans men as birthing people, and if you are someone who has not listened to in depth politics regarding the matter from people in that community and you are genuinely confused and you consume shit through entertainment, especially Joe Rogan who seems like he knows about what happens in sports, now I don’t know shit about it, so someone who is a sports person talking about this issue I tend to stop trying to think and assume these people are experts in this shit. There are people who get funded to go more regressive attitudes and persuade people that way, so now because these issues get pushed by celebrities, who don’t play by regular rules, maybe some of the same qualities but ultimately these people all have an agenda, sure they have talent, but there is always a portion of them that is designed to persuade people, it only becomes obvious when it is something progressive pushed, and if you need an art form to specifically blame, it will be hip hop a lot of the time. So when most people in general don’t care about this issue because it doesn’t affect their lives, they have now convinced people the internet is 100 percent real with what is put on there, and because MSM doesn’t cover it, people think they stumbled upon plutonium, they probably watched a bunch of illuminati youtube videos where ominous music is playing in the background while you show different celebrities covering one eye. They think they are the only ones stumbling across this shit, and because MSM is completely shit with issues, that seems to be the role they have played in a more obvious ways to uplift other alt media platforms that pride themselves on being better than MSM but still pretty much have an establishment show. That is what TYT seems to be about more so than ever, Ana Kasparian and Cenk sold their souls to do shitty sitcom banter and trying to be “fair” to powerful right wingers when the systemic trajectory is by default a right wing system, no matter who the fucking president is. They will say they are telling you the truth about telling you how the system is being more and more corrupt, they show trauma porn a lot of the fucking time, then condemn people for being a bit reactionary when powerful right wingers are normalizing Nazi level shit against them, someone like Ana, who so badly wants to be a showbiz celebrity type, which is why a lot of alt media people who cover news never disclose how some of these big time celebrities and larger than life personalities are just regular people, she just said on her show “If Trump was just a comedian I would support him all day but he is running for president” like being a celebrity, you can’t be a government agent who manufactures consent and a cult. They feel so powerful for dumbing down villains that are a serious threat, but you are not supposed to think that because the “liberal establishment” is making fun of him all day and presenting theatrical cases that are more for the sports entertainment so it prolongs but sets you up for the inevitable because his followers who have large following and social clout, are presenting themselves like this could happen to anyone, when it has been happening to people, but they make it seem like they are actually going to do shit with Trump, and so when his side fights back, they will feel they have been targeted and victimized by the establishment while falling for another establishment person who is probably working with the people who claim to hate him so they can usher in fascism. I am getting a bit off track, but no one checks for my blogs unless it is powerful people who will find a way to mentally torment me for writing down my theories that was agreed upon that would mean I would have to be irrelevant. So Ana and Cenk start a shit storm on twitter and even tried to bait people on their show, and when they didn’t receive a reply, Ana went on the attack to someone who basically said she didn’t want to coddle her feelings when she was the one who started to bitch about birthing people term like it is some random opinion, while so many bills are being passed, the right wing sensationalizing videos online, Tucker basically telling his viewers these people are a fucking danger, these people know what they are doing when putting out the opinion, people pushed back against it, some were not so nice, some were trying to reason with them, and now they present it like “YOU CAN’T STOP US FROM THINKING WHAT WE THINK” in which seems to be one of the worst pivots to the right wing when it has been building for a while through some of their opinions. They fear monger about crime, and even the people who counter them with facts get discredited, but I feel both sides are missing that these billionaires, who fund protests, and fund chaos in school boards, people don’t want to believe these people could fund sensationalist crime for viral moments, that add to narratives of crime getting out of control, but TYT will use how regular citizens are scared and what do you tell them, but considering a few months ago during one of their commercial breaks, Ana admitted when reading a user comment, she thinks they are sensationalizing the crime so people fear justice reform, and I figured she would incorporate that eventually but she kept going on fear mongering about the homeless and the crime, and it feels even people who have to counter her within the rules of kayfabe, they can’t be conspiratorial and act like this shit is done by design, our lives have become a funded reality show, and we are using examples to chastise the most vulnerable, like with that new NCAA right wing spokesperson athlete who is speaking at Turning Point USA sponsored shit to spew paid speech for this political sports entertainment, she was confronted by attackers, and TYT chastises the people in that community like “You are not gonna change these people’s minds who might not be familiar with trans stuff” listen there are legit regular people who have been dumbed down by the system who might legit might not know, but this athlete is in a position where she is probably being funded to speak this “truth” because we assume the politically incorrect opinion is some genuine truth when it has been as funded as overly politically correct shit. And they use these sensationalist celebrity examples to then go the angle of “Look I am not a right winger, but this is why they have a point” and quite frankly Cenk and Ana don’t have the charisma to pull it off, they know they are blowing the remaining goodwill they had to now play catch up with Jimmy Dore and others like him because they can’t admit they want to sell out and go that way, when you have prominent right wing accounts encouraging you to get red pilled, it is not a good sign and because I believe shit is gimmicked,  TYT has always, in my opinion reported on gimmicked storylines that are designed for culture war issues while sprinkling in some real commentary, so now Ana is doing a story where to show she is a credible journalist she retracted a story about Rebekah Jones, who claimed that her son was arrested for a meme but it turns out he was gonna threaten to shoot up a school. It was an obvious smear job for DeSantis, so now all the right wing accounts have been calling this woman out, since the world wants you to go into a more right wing mentality in subtle ways, you now have TYT being “fair” to DeSantis that this sports entertainment patsy tried to smear his name when she has a history of fucked up shit like stalking etc, but to me it feels like an obvious attempt to whitewash DeSantis more and more. I have an issue because these people pretended to be for the left and did some good things but ultimately they want to sell out but before they do, they want to act like they were pushed to it. Pro wrestling 101 for heels. They won’t care because they will get their paydays, but they better realize the aesthetic might be nice, you will be protected, you will use your power to fuck up people’s lives, but everyone in your life will hate you and I am sure a lot of sell outs think they need to do whatever to survive for their families and maybe you will have the aesthetic, but you will feel miserable more and more because all of this to have a lame comedy bit where you and whatever host you have on are trying to reboot your favorite comedies and think your banter is actually fucking funny. 

Now that I have seen my fair share of in fighting being promoted while the world gets worse and then we define these systemic issues by the personality and celebrity involved, I am going to question if the people who are opposing TYT are not gonna find their way to become more right wing down the fucking line. It is not a farfetched assumption. Because sometimes people who cover politics, then come off like marks for entertainment, because that fuels everything which is why everyone and everything has to be some sort of nonstop comedy and Murder She Wrote mystery. Even the stuff with these leaks from the Pentagon, feels gimmicked, like the system wants you to know this information, but because we have to pretend that internet is some underground message board where no one else but you and your friends are into, people then think “MSM not covering this” but then other highly platformed shows are covering it but they really sell it like it was an accident, like if you are not that influential and you are going to lie about narratives, why would I even trust you on this matter. To me it isn’t about country vs country, but people pointing out what each government has done, but each side has to blindly defend the government they are for. When the bad faith factors from all countries are going to algin in the future, like to me people will point out Bush and neocons and act like Trump didn’t have a bunch of them in his administration, and they sell you on the idea that these people hate him, so if you hate him then it means you are siding with the neocons, people think calling out Bush or ex presidents mean a thing when the same players who manufactured consent 20 years ago are doing it again with advanced steps, anyone can say they are anti war now and it doesn’t mean shit, especially when you are palling around with people who clearly advertise more war all the time. They give you shit for playing lesser of the 2 evils, to them also now doing it on a really fucked up level since they are the credible media outlets compared to the “MSM” which makes money but it is basically designed to be a punching bag for other less established sellouts who have their own propaganda they want to spew. I know my shit is kind of scattered, I have so many thoughts and theories, and again these are things I can’t prove so you don’t have to take my word for it, but once I realized the internet and alt media can now be used as a propaganda tool, like all this “anti establishment” shit would’ve sufficed 10-15 years ago, but when you are living in a reality show where the educators are dumbing down the villains and claiming they are funny, I can see the establishment aesthetics creeping in, because these people in the know are fully aware of what the world is going to develop into, more promoted villainous shit about republicans wanting to take away food stamps and medicaid, and yes that shit people should be aware of but they know it is just them promoting what it to come while they actually think the theatrical shit in congress is going to be won when the right wing always find a way to deflect, and a democrat will give into the republicans because ultimately we are going to implode and they just found filler ways to be the reason why it will keep happening. So please spare me the shit of “TYT tells it like it is and they are better than MSM” Same shit goes for Jimmy Dore, I have seen this in wrestling a lot of time, permitted anti establishment people, Steve Austin, in modern times, CM Punk, when a lot of these people are probably industry plants. Some could be used for the sake of good or evil, but I am done pretending these new characters being introduced are just some genuine characters that somehow got known, to me it is always planted from different delegations and factions. Now whoever leaked the Pentagon leaks, he will become a guinea pig of someone who will be fucked with but he will become a new character into the fold. I know I went into a million other thoughts but to be honest when I write, I tend to jot down notes so then I can talk about it in a freestyle way, so even though I am writing a blog I am trying to incorporate as much of those thoughts in here so I don’t have to jot notes about it later in private, even though people are always watching what I write regardless, but everything now is designed for culture wars, promoting Budweiser, Mario Bros, or LEGO by freaking out which celebrities from different delegations will represent for it and we start complaining about it while at the core of this shit, it is sports entertainment and product placement. “This revolution/fascism is brought to you by Mario Bros” but you think people are arguing about the Mushroom head character not having enough masculine traits. These scandals going on feel like the new resume for what is on your IMDB page, like Trump is starring in several television shows where he is being charged with crime, you can’t keep up. It is like I gave up on trying watch every show and movie because I would keep up with the internet chatter, but now that shit is even more gimmicked and everyone has their own storylines going, you got procedurals with Lil Boosie, or Meek Mill, you don’t have to follow past storylines, because most of the time their storylines are self contained episodes. People are constantly reporting on this gimmicked shit. To me the world is advanced and has always been for the longest time, but they have to gimmick how they are normalizing these robot cops to patrol the subways and the streets etc, they are making it official because the world is about to get completely fucked up and they setting the seeds for it, more rights being taken way, more normalization of anti wokeness, justifying brutalizing people in vulnerable communities, present all of it with television show and movie aesthetics and we are too busy acting like characters than actually being human. It is hard to root for anyone anymore, nothing on the surface is ever going to get solved because it is supposed to implode into bedlam, we will have shit being purposefully done like all these toxic derailments, and I will give kudos to people covering it and getting the information out there, but the rest of the time will be spent on people who are accountable and responsible denying being responsible for it while maybe Katie Porter or Bernie Sanders will give them a stern talking to, which will get some social media viral shit to cheer on for the bare minimum. Why would I want to be on this planet, so everyone can fucking thrown on an NWO shirt and do the cool entrance with Hulk Hogan, the funny thing is a lot of you want to join that side thinking it is better to be with the bad guys than being with the losers in WCW, but not all of you are gonna be Kevin Nash, or Hulk Hogan, some of you might be the Scott Halls, where you will have all the money but your psychological issues will always come into play, some of of you will become Scott Norton where you will not reach your full potential in the main stable, you might have to go to another promotion to still show how your true talent, some of you will be VK Wallstreet who will just end up being a background player until they kick you out. If you don’t understand the wrestling analogies, go seek a friend who does and he can probably break it down for you, if they aren’t already being sucked in by the worked shoot in with current stuff, they won’t want to bother explaining what the NWO comparisons could be because they are trying to get to the bottom of why Dave Meltzer and Bryan Alvarez’s motives behind putting out anti CM Punk sentiment. This blog is getting out of control, but the main purpose was because I know most people expected this from TYT, but what outrages me is that all the good work they did or people they helped out, they have been slowly throwing it away and wanted to milk as much out of the progressives before they get gigs where they are propped up and they go further right, and instead of admitting that, they are finding ways to have agreements with the shittiest people on the right and having more vitriol for activists and people who are pushing back at their motives. It is fucking sickening to see people who want to be influential, who have advanced knowledge in the system to play dumb about shit and pretend they are the ones acting in good faith, they started a shit storm for no fucking reason, and then complained about people pushing back and act like they want to focus on the important issues. I hope the money is worth it, because you guys will never be the same. Cenk is the type of dude who watched Sopranos and really thought Tony Soprano is the good guy because there might be relatable mental issues the character has that people can relate to. But the funny thing is a lot of you sellouts want to be Tony Soprano, but you end up being Christopher Moltisanti, someone being groomed to be the next big thing but you have too many issues to deal with because you have been lured into a lifestyle by other sociopaths and manipulated into doing their biddings, and the anger you will have for the people giving you marching orders you will take out on your family members and friends. Now the trolls who hate me, who have connection with people in the system, could show them this blog and they could use their power to fuck with me more and I guess that is the consequence since Cenk is positioning it like he is the one getting punched in the face, and how he doesn’t back down, I don’t take those words lightly because I recognize it in other institutional bosses in the political and entertainment world, it means they will be in a position to be protected so they can run amok on their “enemies” but it didn’t have to be this way, even in videos where it is not right wing propaganda, the comment section is full of people who you would see in Jimmy Dore’s comment section, they are clearly catering to more on the right, and since the online narrative is the right wing are the ones being victimized and censored etc, it is like fairness has been granted when most of the narratives that have existed have probably always had roots in the right wing, to the point of telling people progressive ideas are coming and people are scared because they want to go back to a world where this was not promoted so fucking heavy and it makes me question if some of the gimmicked progressive shit in the system was not always there for the purpose of people thinking the opposite being completely the edgiest of all edges and it is not supported by the system, even though people from the system are the ones promoting it all over social media and speaking engagements, while establishment liberals keep promoting them under them being dumbed down villains, which will lower the guard for how smart these people are. I have heard this old adage in showbiz that “You are no dummy making money being stupid” and look at what the world is, yeah me I am considered a wack packer in the Stern world which has always been used to discredit me, but how can I really feel discredited when everyone who is a public figure is a wack packer yourself, you might as well just have Beetle Juice and Hank the Dwarf argue on the congress floor, because that is what most of these politicians and public figures in general have become. It has never been more obvious and people continuing into wanting to buy into this shit is just wasting everyone’s time because there is serious shit on the horizon and we continuously have to present everything under comedy, like is there not enough comedy for you people out there, what does it really mean when everything is entrenched in comedy. It doesn’t even feel like the laughs for this shit is even genuine anymore, the entertainment has become more worthless and useless to me. And this is what seeps into politics when the world is near doom and bad faith actors are pretending to warn about it while they will be the perpetrators in this whole thing to gain the power they so desperately need to turn this world into complete fundamentalist bullshit. The far right can keep normalizing the shit they normalized but if people don’t protest the fascism properly then they get chastised more than the normalization because shitty platforms like TYT give you the impression that the fight can be happen with the ideas presented in congress etc when they probably know the world is going to implode and not everyone has people looking after them, so people need to be in self defense mode from this shit. More people are gonna continue to get harmed from this rhetoric and no one with these big platforms ever have any real motivational shit to get people mentally prepared for what it to come but people who are far right can have their people enacted and go on the offense while pretending to play the defense so they don’t seem like monsters for the shit they are advocating for. I don’t know what the solutions are, I never wanted to be alive for the longest time, and I really don’t want to see this shit play out the way the people in charge want it played out. What hope is there? I am beyond escaping through entertainment, when the entertainment itself is a reminder of where the world is going as well and all the bullshit attached to it. Again I have to put disclaimers that I am not dangerous, I don’t have any weapons, I am being monitored most likely so the ones doing it can confirm, because anything you say about the system and its players, they will try do some shit to smear you at the behest of other powerful people who are getting angry I put this out but the only saving grace is most of the masses won’t know this blog exists, but just the mere fact that I am presenting it with the idea that I can’t confirm every single thing and I am being a little conspiratorial, does anger people and you bet they have people keeping an eye out on whatever I do, they probably monitor everyone and keep a dossier on them, figuring out how they could use them to be a patsy for some shit to further their agendas. The real ones know my true nature and what kind of propaganda I had to beat that was taking me over at times, they know I am not this violent dangerous person. But they will try to paint me as that, since that is what my trolls have notoriously done that if you look up my name, you see those negative stories, and to me that was designed that if Stern ever gets exposed for the shit he did to me, people looking up my name will see this false photoshop of me beating up people and labeled under “Hanzi beat up a gay couple at wild wings” they haven’t done this in a while but just having that in the public sphere, and anyone who has resources can check my background and see if I have been arrested, powerful people have dossiers on everyone. But there is a reason why my blogs and podcasts and tweets are not boosted up at all and it probably still makes them mad that I am putting effort into putting out podcasts, blogs and trying to be creative, because I am supposed to feel less than since I am not supposed to be boosted up on any level. People having their echochamber of celebratory shit can only be the ones to be propped up but even they are not fully happy because they don’t know if people genuinely find them funny or is it for quid pro quo “I’ll socially put you over but you have to laugh the shit I say”. If I do die, this shit will be out there to live on for people to read after the fact. Maybe in a next life or some shit it will be better since this timeline won’t seem to get better for me because of how the world will play out.

[just-a-messenger]

Answer them all

Sorry it took so long to answer this anon, but damn you had to go intense with the questions so 🤷

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a really good relationship with my mum, and a not horrendous one with my dad haha

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My Daughter

03: Do you regret anything?

Yea a few things, but I try not to dwell on them tbh, just gotta move on an do better next time ya know?

04: Are you insecure?

Hahaha yes

05: What is your relationship status?

Engaged ❤️

06: How do you want to die?

Ideally suddenly with no pre warning or suffering in the twilight years of my life

07: What did you last eat?

Pizza

08: Played any sports?

Kinda, I've played a little basketball and football but neither particularly well or often

09: Do you bite your nails?

Yeah all the time

10: When was your last physical fight?

Hmm, probably about 7-8 years ago not 100% sure

11: Do you like someone?

Yes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yea, more times then is reasonable. Insomnias a bitch

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

Nah not really

14: Do you miss someone?

Yea, my mum and my 2 best friends haven't seen them all month cos I've been ill as shit and busy as shit

15: Have any pets?

Yeah a wonderful little bastard cat called Dave ❤️

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Tired

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Oh yea many times

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Yeah

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Maybe, depends when I'm getting to go too

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? Probably my livingroom or bedroom?

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Christmas, that's all ya get this weekend when ya have a 2 year old haha (I do enjoy it tho I must say)

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Not anymore

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

I do not although I'm planning one soonish

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Chemistry, English and I was not bad at history, now I'm better with computing shit, I'm not awful at coding

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yea a few but not much can be done about it

26: What are you craving right now?

To play Fallout 3

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yea

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Unfortunately yes

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Nothing really

31: Does somebody love you?

Yes 😊

32: What is your favourite color?

Purple

33: Do you have trust issues?

Yeah

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I don't remember many dreams

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? My partner

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? I dunno, I don't think so?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Neither are particularly easy tbh

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Probably not but I honestly have no idea which one would be

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

14

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Yeah

51: Favourite food?

Oohh that's a hard one, probably Stuffed crust cheese pizza or Garlic and Mushroom. Pasta with parmesan

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Nah not really, but I believe if you try you can find reason and meaning in most things

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Watched a video on YouTube

54: Is cheating ever okay?

Nah

55: Are you mean?

Maybe a tad? I mean I try not to be, but my patience is very thin for some things and people make it really hard to be friendly and kind all the time

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Uhhh I dunno haha, somewhere between 7 and 10

57: Do you believe in true love?

Yeah

58: Favourite weather?

Mildly warm and sunny

59: Do you like the snow?

Yea aesthetically but I fuckin hate being out in it

60: Do you wanna get married?

Yea, getting married next year 😁

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Hell yea

62: What makes you happy?

Lotsa things, the world is always beautiful if you look hard enough, but the main things are probably listening to my daughter spout enthusiastic gibberish, listening to my partner play guitar and sing, staying up to the early hours of the morning with my friends after a day/night out

63: Would you change your name?

Nah probably not

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Not at all

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I mean I'm marrying her so? Does that count?

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Yeah

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? My partner

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Probably my partner again

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

I dunno, maybe? I think there's more to a long lasting relationship that being "made for each other"

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

Yeah I'd die and/or kill for my daughter, my partner or my cat

[keefwho]

December 23 - 2022

1:01 PM

I have to get a LOT of snow off the roof and it’s pushing my frail little body to it’s limit. I’m young and energetic but I am smol and twiggy. And it just keeps snowing. It feels like only scraping off the top layer won’t do very much. The bottom layer is much more difficult. And I still have another Christmas present I can still get done on time so I wanna do that today or tomorrow. Then I gotta grind out the late one. There are 2 people’s gifts I scrapped completely which is okay because they probably don’t expect anything from me anyways. 

Today I’m GIGA ADHD so I gotta do something about that. Theres so much I want to do. 

6:53 PM

I didn’t really end up handling how sporadic I was earlier. I wanted to be creative today but I REALLY didn’t feel like it, I’m banking on feeling it more tomorrow so I can do that present and this Loona pinup I loosely promised. All I’ve been doing today is watching Twitch and setting up my new Skyrim save. 

I ended up deleting the MASSIVE modpack I got for Skyrim in favor of the old one I claimed not to like. I love the way the old one looked too much, and it ran much smoother without crashes. I guess I’ll deal with the difficulty and weird respawn system. It’ll just be a different experience than I was expecting but not necessarily in a bad way. 

Earlier my anxiety was creeping up but I dismantled it and moved on. I think it was based on how tired I felt because fatigue can indicate illness but I literally worked my butt off today so I knew what was up. I gotta stop thinking that every little thing that feels different could mean I’m sick. Technically it could but it’s always EXTREMELY low chance. Even if it did mean I was sick, its not like I can do anything about it. I’ll feel like shit either way so the best thing I can do is hope for the best and keep living my life. 

Tonight I had wanted to attend the drinking night hosted by this guy in town that I met on Barq. It’s held at 10pm thought and that’s pretty late for me. It also sounds like I’ll be watching stuff with my bestie around that time so at most I’ll probably make a brief appearance. It sucks that it’s such a late event, I can’t commit more than 2 hours any Friday event. I also will be done or almost done drinking by then. Oh well. 

Casually horny posting here seems weird and I don’t know where I can do it. Its also kinda weird to do it on my personal Twitter because it makes me seem like a shameless coomer. I reckon thats why people make AD accounts but I don’t think I do enough to warrant that. 

[smilekid]

guess im just going to get fucked up all weekend.

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[shotorozu]

Hello. I got into a car accident and I was with my younger sister too. I got 2 surgeries and I don’t remember much. My younger sister got a few stitches😞 I feel horrible like an older sister.

Was wondering if I could request a head anon of where reader gets into a car accident and the characters react to it. (Tamaki, izuku, shoto and any of choice. Sad thing is my FUCKING Spanish teacher won’t respond to me and I have really bad grades on that class 😢 ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`)

Thank you and take care also Safe driving

s/o getting into a car crash

character(s) : bakugou katsuki, amajiki tamaki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk’s not specific

headcanon type : fluff, comfort (x reader)

note(s) : 😦 omg i hope you’re doing okay, anon- your spanish teacher better respond to you or else >:T

»»————-　♡　————-««

bakugou katsuki

when he gets word that you’ve gotten into a car crash, his hands crack with mini explosions— dropping everything to literally run to wherever you’re at

“damnit, damnit, damnit! where the hell was i when that happened?!”

appears a lot pissier than usual, in reality— he’s just really worried, and he can’t slow down his heart palpitations!

“calm down bakugou!”

“calm.. CALM DOWN? RIDDLE ME THIS, ASSHOLE—”

hm okay, so lets say that you were in the passengers seat when the crash happened

katsuki will probably want to find whoever was the driver, and just absolutely go ballistic on them, but probably ends up not doing that when he thinks about what you’d feel

and lets say another driver crashed into your car— katsuki will search high and low just to find that said driver, and he’ll show them hell

and if you crashed into a poll or something, he wouldn’t get too mad— but he’ll still scold you, and lecture you about driving safety

when he finds out you need surgery, he’ll be so upset

“what do you mean SURGERY? who the hell crashed into you, and why do they have a license?! they’re a danger to society!” he sounds angry but he’s quietly yet impatiently waiting outside for the surgery to be successfully completed

cleans and takes care of your remaining injuries, doesn’t matter if there’s a tiny little scrape on your forehead, or if you’re left with a bunch of broken bones.

he’ll be nursing you, like it or not.

he doesn’t let you leave your bed during your recovery, he insists— and you have an idea of what’ll happen if you try opposing katsuki 💀

don’t ever be worried about your grades! you have a smartie as a boyfriend, so he has probably made an extra copy of notes that you’ve missed

and he’ll probably argue with a teacher if they refuse to cooperate because,, YOU ALMOST PASSED AWAY?? is that not a valid excuse?

“i get that you’re really busy, but they literally almost died— how is that not an valid excuse? Y/N’s a hard worker, and a good one! and i will not rest until you understand!”

it might seem a little over protective of him to do this, but katsuki won’t EVER let you drive a car alone for who knows how long, he’ll be there with you just to monitor your driving.

that is, until you gain his trust back— that you could drive without almost losing yourself

amajiki tamaki

for him, it feels like the world is going slower

when he gets a call that you’ve gotten into a car crash— his anxiousness shoots through the roof, and it’s causing him to assume the worst of the worst

he’ll feel so guilty though, tears welling up in his eyes as his entire body shakes just thinking about you in a hospital bed

because,, where was he when that happened? how did he only learn about this now?

eventually, mirio and nejire calm him down to the point that they could properly bring him to the hospital you’re staying at

without him shaking like an old nokia

knows not to blame anyone, regardless of who crashed the car (he’s not confrontational anyway)

yet, he can’t help but think about how things would’ve went differently if he was there

feels frustrated to the point that he starts tearing up when he finds out you needed surgery, and even when you tell him that he can’t be guilty because of you

he still is 😔

anyways, when your surgery is completed— he eventually musters the courage to just put all of his nervous feelings aside for now, and take care of you like the sweetheart he is!

knows a shit ton of food (courtesy to his quirk) so he cooks you something new everyday during recovery

during your recovery, tamaki isn’t fond of the idea of you walking around, doing things as if nothing happened. he ends up making sure you stay in bed, by staying in your room for days

it might take a while for him to be reassured that you won’t accidentally end up in a ditch again, but for now— you’re carpooling with the big three

worried about your grades because of the time you’ve missed during your recovery? no worries! tamaki made an extra copy of notes, and basically summarized it in a way you could understand!

it’s a rollercoaster 💀 but at least this made tamaki take initiative, even without being pushed to do so!

let’s just say, mirio and nejire are really proud of him :))

todoroki shouto

he’s been wondering why he hasn’t seen you in a few hours, and on top of that— he hasn’t been able to contact you

like,, at all. but, he thought you were just feeling ill— so he decided that he was going to head over to your place after his tasks were taken care of.

but that’s all forgotten, when he finally gets word that you’ve gotten in a car crash— and that’s why you weren’t there

he literally freezes in place, and his reaction was almost like he saw the endeavor-nomu fight all over again.

the idea of his love being in critical state, made the normally calm todoroki placed in distress

after being calmed down by his fellow classmates, he quickly abandons whatever he was doing, so he could rush to the hospital

currently, you were in surgery. he appeared pretty calm on the outside, but internally— he was a mess. though, he did have to keep it together for you

when shouto finally meets you out of surgery, his gaze is soft “hi love— no, don’t stand up! just stay there. do you remember what happened?”

your description of it all isn’t the best, but he couldn’t blame you at all

if another driver crashed into you, it’ll be an intimidating encounter,, he won’t be physical, but his words will be harsh— not even caring about the fact that the driver is literally quaking in their shoes

and if you were in the passengers seat, shouto will briefly look at them with pure disappointment— he can’t really help it,,

but he can’t find himself being mad if you were the driver, he’s just glad that you’re still with him as you could tell, shouto’s only soft for you

immediately goes shopping for groceries after he takes you back, and you’ve guessed it! he makes you soba, since you’re fresh out of the hospital

insists that you stay bed ridden, and you can’t seem to oppose— since he’s giving you the softest of gazes.

unintentionally isolates you during the entire recovery stage, because he’s so absorbed with taking care of you— that he didn’t even think if you wanted to see your classmates

not that you’re complaining,, you get to see shouto and only shouto for an entire week or so!

he lets your classmates and friends see you after a bit, but he insists that they don’t speak too loudly— worried that they’ll accidentally ache your head

(that’s when everyone found out about shouto’s great caretaking ability)

worried about your grades and classes? shouto will handle it. he’ll reach out to your teachers/professors, and he’ll try to make some negotiations, he makes sure to tell them that you were taking time off because of a health emergency

will he immediately let you be in a car by yourself after? hm,, maybe not— it’ll take some time for you to be able to drive alone again. if you need to go somewhere by car, he’ll accompany you :))

he will NOT let another accident happen, not on his watch! his heart wouldn’t be able to handle it

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[maria-akira]

good girls don't get used: michael langdon x fem! reader

—♡—

READ PART 2 HERE

summary: michael langdon, your ex, falls into a bet wherein he has to (fake) date you. if he falls in love again, he loses and doesn't get the prize.

warnings: private school au, fuckboy!michael, slight mention of sexual topics + i didnt proofread this mwahaha

this fic is inspired by the song 'good girls (don't get used)' by beach bunny.

i don't know if other private schools have bells, because mine doesn't :(

italicized bold words are direct lyrics from the song. but in this chapter, there are none since this is like an intro :)

—♡—

"Dude, shut the fuck up."

"Are you kidding? She really said that?"

"You really think that's gonna happen?"

"Who's class do you have first?"

Voices of different students flooded the white and grey hallways of the school. Different friend groups and teachers can be seen roaming the halls, getting stuff from their respective lockers as they waited for the bell to ring.

"Y/N! Do you mind if I borrow your calculator? I forgot mine at home and Math is my next class." She said while panting.

"Sure, here it is. If you lose it, I'd probably drop kick your ass." Y/N let out a small laugh and grabbed the calculator from her locker, giving it to her friend.

"Gosh, Y/N. I'll never lose it! I'll give it back during recess. Thanks again!" She flashed Y/N a smile and waved bye, before returning to her locker.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror she had on her locker, fixing the tie that always seemed to be out of place whenever she checked. Her hair was neat, complete with a white headband that complimented the color of her school's uniform.

A few seconds later, the bell rang and everybody started rushing. Different couples were seen kissing before they parted ways for the mean time.

Cringe. Y/N thought. She shrugged it off and held her books tightly to her chest, walking to her next class.

Walking straight into the classroom, she noticed a group of guys dart their eyes to her direction as she entered. They gave her weird smirks. In return, she stared back at them while she made her way to her seat and never broke eye contact. Eventually, she noticed a familiar face among the group.

Michael, her ex.

How the fuck is he in my English class? She thought, along with a whole hundred thoughts roaming around her head. Michael stared back at her, giving her a wink.

Y/N's face gave a hint of disgust, "The fuck do you want, Langdon?" She stood up from her seat and walked over to Michael, pushing his other friends. She heard his friends coo and tease Michael for his act towards her.

Michael put up his hands in defense, "Chill, is it bad to wink at a pretty girl like you?" He said with a smug look, while he grazed his hand over her arm.

"Shut the fuck up, Langdon. Don't you ever touch me." Y/N slapped his hand away, his friends taken aback from her actions. As she walked back to her seat, the teacher entered as well.

Y/N put her face in her hands. By now, a million thoughts were in her head. It's been 2 years since Michael and her broke up, and since then, she made a promise to herself that she would never fall in love with men like him. She was so tired of all the tears and sleepless nights that Michael gave her.

She let out a sigh and lifted her head from her hands. The soft light from the windows filled her eyes after the darkness formed by her hands, causing her to rub her eyes to adjust from the light.

The rest of the hour went smoothly for Y/N, after English class was recess, her most favorite time of the day— aside from going home, of course.

She glanced at her watch, 10:28 AM.

2 more minutes, and English will be over. She thought.

She averted her gaze back on the white board full of scribbles about some writing lesson she clearly did not listen to. She looked over to her classmates and friends, Well they aren't listening either. She laughed at the thought.

As soon at the bell rang, everyone started packing up their notebooks, textbooks, and whatever they had on their table. Every student was seen rushing out of every classroom in hopes of being the first ones in line for the cafeteria.

On the way there, Y/N bumped into her friend group. "Hey Y/N! We heard about happened in English class. Michael is really in your class?" A friend of hers mentioned, "Yea, and apparently that son of a bitch winked at me, such a disgusting ass motherfucker. he should keep his fuck boy ass to himself." Y/N spat out, earning a chorus of 'oh's' from her friends.

When they arrived at the cafeteria, the line was painfully long, all of them groaned in frustration and they had no choice but to wait for the line to move. But once it did, it was faster than usual. After Y/N and her friends received their food, they left the cafeteria to eat at their usual place.

The school rooftop.

A few students know that staying in the school rooftop is permitted, which was why Y/N and her friends loved eating there.

When they arrived at the rooftop, they saw the usual people that they always encounter while staying there. The view was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. The small garden in the rooftop gave a beautiful and elegant touch.

Though there were a few chairs and tables, Y/N and her friends always preferred to eat on the floor. So, they laid the linen cloth on the ground and sat on it. Y/N was wearing the skirt uniform, thus she removed her tux and placed it on her legs to prevent her skirt from lifting.

They shared a few giggles while they ate their meals, laughing about some life experiences, or whatever they wanted to talk about.

Y/N loved this. She loved how she and her friends would have little moments like these, it was like an escape from reality.

The rest of the day went smoothly for Y/N. She didn't fall asleep in any of her classes, which in this case was a very big accomplishment for her.

As soon as she arrived home, her little brother, Aaron, rushed towards her. "Y/N!! I missed you!" He chimed, Y/N kneeled down onto his level and gave him the tightest hug. "I missed you too, Aaron!" Her mom came into the room and smiled. Y/N stood up and gave her mom a hug as well.

"How was school?" Her mom asked, Y/N placed her tux on the coat hanger by the door. "It was fine, Mom. Where's Dad?" Y/N walked over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk, "He'll be home soon, he still has a meeting right now." She took a sip of her milk, "Oh, okay. I'll be upstairs doing school work." The glass of milk that was once full, now empty.

She took her things upstairs and plopped herself on the bed. Out of nowhere she felt a vibrating noise from her bag, she rummaged through her bag to find her phone and once she did, a message was see on her lockscreen.

Unknown Sender has sent you a message.

She unlocked her phone and went to her messages.

Unknown Sender: hey ;)

Her eyebrows furrowed. What the fuck?

(Y/N): hi? whos this?

read 2:29 pm

Unknown Sender: oh shit you deleted my number? damn.

"Huh? I don't recall deleting anyone's number..." She went to her recently deleted contacts and it showed nothing.

(Y/N): im sorry, i haven't deleted anyone's number recently, maybe you have the wrong number?

read 2:32 pm

Unknown Sender: im pretty sure you know me, Y/N.

They know my name. And her heart started pounding.

(Y/N): and im pretty sure i dont, so just reveal yourself before i report this number

read 2:35pm

Unknown Sender: ayo chill 😬 its me michael.

"Michael fucking Langdon? You've got to be fucking me right now." She felt rage fill her, slamming her keyboard.

(Y/N): langdon what the fuck do you want? i made it very clear that i dont want you talking to me.

read 2:40 pm

Before Michael could reply, she changed his contact name to 'Motherfucker'

You have changed Unknown Sender's contact name as 'Motherfucker'

Motherfucker: damn you still mad at me after 2 years? gosh (Y/N). whats with the nickname?

(Y/N): of course im still mad, asshole. ill never forget what you fucking did.

read 2:43 pm

Motherfucker: i thought you forgave me 🥺

(Y/N): FORGIVE YOU???? god langdon you're so fucking stupid, i will never forgive you. you didnt even say sorry in the first place!

Pissed off, Y/N blocked his number. "That fucking asshole." She mumbled to herself.

—

"Hey! Y/N!" A familar voice called out from the crowd. Y/N removed one earbud and turned around to find the voice that called her.

Once she saw the shiny blonde locks from that stood out in the crowd, she immediately ran in the opposite direction in hopes of avoiding him.

It was Michael, again.

"Y/N wait!" Michael called out again, chasing her

For some reason, Michael was able to catch her. He pulled Y/N into an empty science laboratory and they were both panting.

"What the fuck do you want this time, Langdon?" Y/N was catching her breath, fanning herself with her hand.

"Okay. First off, sorry for the sudden message. I know I pissed you off and that wasn't my intention at a—"

"What was your intention then?" She cut him off.

Michael panicked.

"Uh, you know? I just wanna talk to you again. Clear the bad air between us.."

Y/N let out a laugh, "Clear the bad air?? Oh gooood Langdon, you are really so stupid! You know what? You just made it worse." She pushed him off and walked out of the room,

"Whatever it is your planning, Langdon, I'm telling to stop it. I don't wanna talk to you or even go near you."

Michael was dumbfounded. She changed so much. He thought to himself.

2 years ago, Y/N was the sweetest, most innocent girl he knew. Playing with her feelings was Michael's biggest regret, and he's starting to feel it again.

Michael was about to leave the room until he felt a buzzing from his pocket, He pulls out his phone to see who was calling him.

Duncan, one of his bestfriends.

Michael answered the call, "Hello?"

"What's the update on your little girl?"

"She still doesn't trust me."

"That's sad man."

"I know. She changed alot. "

"What do you mean by 'changed'?" Duncan emphasized,

"I can't point it out, Dunc."

"Whatever you do, don't chicken out. I promise this bet is worth it."

"Fine, I trust you."

Call Ended.

Michael ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and left the room before the bell rang.

—

It was the last subject of the day. Most students were falling asleep or on their phones.

Y/N was scribbling weird things on the back of her notebook, when suddenly the bell rang. She packed up her stuff and stood up from her seat. Before she could leave the room, she saw a familiar face again.

Michael stood by the doorway of her classroom, the strap of his bag over one shoulder while he looked for Y/N among the other students.

Y/N ignored Michael and walked past him, but he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards him.

"Langdon! What the fuck do you want?!" She screamed, all of the students averting their attention to her.

Michael put a finger on his lips, shushing her. "Let's go somewhere private, yea?"

"But—"

Before she could object, Michael dragged her outside towards the parking lot.

"Okay this is actually something serious—"

"CUT THE SHIT LANGDON! IM TIRED OF YOU."

"Woah‐woah! Easy now. I actually need your help, with school..."

Michael rubbed her shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. For once, Y/N believed him. His eyes were speaking the truth.

"Okay, fine. Shoot."

"I can't believe I'm saying this.."

"Don't waste my time, Langdon."

"Fine! I'm failing."

Y/N's mouth hung open. Michael was one of the top students in their batch and this was obviously a huge surprise for her.

"Oh, really? What am I gonna do about that?" She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side.

"Can you please help me? Like, tutor me?" At this point, Michael was desperate.

"Um, no thanks. Just fuck some other girl's pussy for your grades." Y/N pushed him away, but Michael stopped her again.

"I'm serious, Y/N. I really need your help."

"Why me?"

Now that made Michael nervous.

"Because you happen to be the top of our batch right now?"

"Fine! Under one condition."

Michael was curious, "What?"

"If I do this tutor shit, we're doing it at my place. I can't tutor you in your messy ass room." Y/N said. She always remembered how messy Michael's room was when they were together. He would only clean when he was scolded by Y/N.

"That's fine by me."

"Okay then. 5pm, sharp."

She walked away, but Michael pulled her again.

"Let me go! What do you want now?" Y/N said, clearly annoyed.

"Unblock my number, silly." Michael chuckled,

"No."

"How are you supposed to know if I already arrived?"

"Theres a doorbell, dimwit. I'll be downstairs waiting for you."

"Bu—"

"Bye, Michael. I'll see you later." Y/N flashed him a small smile and continued to walk away.

Once he saw Y/N reach the bus stop, he started walking to his car, until someone tapped him on his shoulder.

"Hey Michael, whats the update? I saw you talking to her." It was Duncan. His brown hair was lightly gelled back and the first two buttons of his white dress shirt were undone.

"I'm still trying to win her back, I lied to her that I was failing so she could tutor me. That way, it'll be easier."

Duncan smirked, "That's my boy! When will this tutor thing start?"

"Later, 5pm."

"Hmm, that's good. Remember, if you fall in love again, bet's over."

"I won't."

—♡—

tags mwah: @kitwalker02 @sojournmichael @angelicmichael @deademobitch @iheartfrogs101 @tatestripedsweater @mrs-march-ahs

i hope you guys enjoyed this. i wrote this while doing schoolwork </3

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

hello I am back with a request if that’s ok with you q w q ) for la squadra with scenario-hc’s with their s/o taking care of them ( can go nsfw if you’d like but for now sfw thoughts ) as much as I love them taking care of their s/o I love when the roles are switched. Can be injured or other— but the goal is to make them feel safe and loved for as much as possible, like my other ask tender emotional moments are my jam. If find the muse for it 💖 if not that’s completely ok too. Pls & thnk u 🥰

ALWAYS OKAY W/ ME I LOVE SEEING U IN MY ASKBOX!!!! it's tendie hours 😍

taking care of la squadra 😌

risotto ✂️

it isn't easy to get risotto to relax, he's a workaholic. sit on him and give him a Look that you're not moving and neither is he, and he'll be so charmed that he'll relent.

he's also more used to taking care of people than being taken care of, so it's a bit of an adjustment to sit on his ass for a few days until he's recovered from the worst of whatever injury/illness he's got, but he finds himself getting like, quietly kind of emotional about it. he hasn't allowed himself to be cared for in a long time and he expresses that to you, and how much he appreciates and loves you.

he finds he really enjoys the opportunity to relax, cause yeah he's under the weather but at least he can chill for a bit. and he'd very much love to chill with you if you have the time. quiet cuddles or existing comfortably in the same space will have him feeling very cozy, loved, and rested. kiss him on the forehead to remind him that he is soft and precious and he'll want to snuggle you all day with a little smile on his face.

prosciutto 🚬

also not used to being taken care of. he'll be grumpy and try to micromanage the house from his bed at first (and you probably banished him to bed because he wasn't getting any rest on the couch). he relaxes when he wants to!!!! remind him that he needs time to recover and he's only human, and you promise the house won't fall apart without him. not only is he soft for you but he trusts you completely, so he relaxes.

he might be a bit restless, but set him up with a book and he'll be good. you may even take on prosciutto-like mannerisms in his place, like shushing the others if they're being too noisy. if he overhears you insisting on peace and quiet so he can rest, he'll smile to himself.

what really gets him and lets him know he's loved is taking over what he usually does while he rests, like folding his laundry and putting it away in the order he likes. and if you initiate the classic forehead touch with a smile and tell him to chill so he can get better, he'll gladly lay around all day thinking of you.

pesci 🎣

he tries to power through it but no honey you need to rest. give him puppy eyes and say you really want him to relax and get better, and he'll do it for you. he will get SO better for his babe just u see!!!!

he's also kind of glad for the chance to have downtime tho, even tho he's typically eager to help and stuff. he just wishes he didn't feel like ass. cheer him up with lots of cuddles and quiet relaxing things u can do together and he'll feel loads better!!!

he may feel kind of bad at first like oh no he doesn't want to bother u. but reassure him that he is never a bother, u love him and love being with him and that doesn't change when he's under the weather. he will accept that and thank u wholeheartedly for taking care of him

formaggio 🧀

milks it for all its worth. OOOH BABE IM IN SO MUCH PAAAIN PLEASE HOLD MEEE 😩 if he's feeling like shit at least he's gonna get cuddles out of it

would love nothing more than to snuggle up and watch stupid movies with you all day. he may just cling to you if you try to get up and insists that someone else can fetch you both dinner/blankets/etc instead. you're his best medicine!!! his comfort!!!! do not seperate!!!!!

but he is a sucker for a home cooked meal. even if you go for a bit, if you come back with something u made urself, even if it's not the most amazing display of chef skills, he'll be falling all over himself with how much he loves you because you put love and effort into something to make him feel better

illuso ✨

one of the WORST when he gets sick or injured because he just complains and lays on the pity party even more than formaggio. everything sucks!!! woe is illuso!!!! he needs ur healing kisses!!!!!

he definitely goes into the mirror world to rest b/c he needs peace and quiet or he'll get cranky. but he will bring u ofc. not just to be pampered either he's just cozy and happy in ur company

lavishing him in attention aside, what will REALLY tug on his heart is taking initiative to take care of him, like asking first how he's feeling, bringing an extra blanket cause you know he likes to have a pile of them, offering to very gently brush his hair. just like, little genuine attentive things. it may get him blushing

melone 🍈

very practical about it, there's that whole thing of 'people with medical backgrounds are the worst patients for one reason or another' but he doesn't try to take shortcuts with the rest he knows he needs and he's very polite and patient with asking for/instructing on what he needs

he's great at finding ways to entertain himself so no worries in that regard. if he's worried about getting you sick he may actually discourage cuddles for once in his life but otherwise he'd love to snuggle up to his babe all day

he'd honestly just feel really comforted if you told him all about your day and shared cool things with him or the classic 'i saw this and thought of you' he'll be 😍

ghiaccio ❄️

EXTRA grumpy when he's uncomfortable or in pain and unable to work his energy out. he's very active, so his body (or you) making him sit on his ass when he doesn't want to will leave him very prickly even though logically he knows it's for the best.

he'll generally want his space but then have bouts of feeling very cuddly. picture him cocooned in blankets with only the top half of his face visible and his general grumpy glower relaxes as u massage his scalp like calming an angry cat.

he'll be very thankful for everything you do, including kissing his cheeks or leaving him to chill with some water and a book or shushing the others if they're being too rowdy. but he'll be extra super thankful and soft if you bundle him up and go for a walk with him around the block just to stretch his legs and get some fresh air cause you know how much he hates sitting around.

sorbet and gelato 🔪🍦

if one of them is under the weather, the house gets a brief respite from their antics cause you and the other one are there to entertain them and curb their restlessness. if they're both sick/injured, good fucking luck because their boredom will feed off each other and it will be a nightmare.

sorbet likes to chill but he always needs new surroundings. he'll want to stay on the couch to at least observe the house's regular chaos but if you (and maybe gelato) see that he's not getting enough rest you will have to literally drag him into your bedroom because 1) he's not letting go of his entertainment that easily 2) it's fun to watch you struggle. he is devising every way to cause problems on purpose without moving around too much

gelato HATES sitting still so he is slowly going insane and he will let you know it. get him a big stack of movies, let him have free reign of the tv, play cards with him etc if you know what's good for the whole house because otherwise he won't stay in bed or he'll do shit like scream for help just to see you rush in and then grin and be like oh nvm babe im fine :)

you thought they were a handful together regularly? HAH. when they're sick or injured together they enable each other even more than usual. you are the only one capable of placating them, enjoy being squished between your two extremely cuddly boyfriends.

cuddles and kisses and loving attention always make them feel better, a surefire way to get them to actually rest is by snuggling them. but even if you do go for a bit, what brightens them up is hearing about all the new happenings on base or this cute dog you saw or if you bring them new snacks every day or try making something different for dinner. like, not just to placate them, but cause you know they're bored and uncomfortable and you want to cheer them up, that's what gets them. and then they'll pull you down and hold you for the rest of the night.