#(it was honestly part of why i abandoned my old blog)

[moonywritez6]

When You're Gone Part 2 (Reupload)

Characters: Toji Fushiguro, Ryomen Sukuna, Choso

Reader: Fem!reader

Warnings: Angst, readers death, violence, blood, swearing, pet names, fire

Context: The reader ends up dying due to sorcerers, and villagers. This is their reaction after you are gone. (Witch!reader for Sukuna)

Word Count: 4,677

A/N: Hello my sweets! Unfortunately, I got locked out of my old blog account, so I had to make a new one! So, chances of you having seen this before are high as it's on my old account! (I am so sad about it honestly). But I am going through all my old accounts posts and reuploading them here! I hope you can still enjoy my works!

Part 1

______________________________________________________________

Toji

Toji sighed as he walked into the abandoned building where he was supposed to meet with Shiu. 'What a pain.' Toji thought, interested in something other than what Shiu had to discuss with him. Toji was considering skipping the meeting altogether if it wasn't for you. Toji smirked at the thought of your shy smile, ready to hear your sweet voice scold him for zoning out while your colleague was trying to discuss business with him. The memory brings a slight chuckle to his throat as he places a hand behind his neck, letting out a loud yawn as he notices Shiu standing there. Alone. 

Toji hums, stopping a few paces in front of the detective. "Hm? What, did little Miss Tiger decide to skip out on us today?" He teased, knowing you hated the nickname he had assigned you due to your stern personality. Shiu just stared at the assassin with a sad look as he sighed deeply, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. "That's actually why I called you out today…." He tossed the cigarette on the ground, Toji watching as he stomped it with his foot. "As of three days ago, Y/l/n Y/n was killed in her home by a wanted sorcerer she had was assigned to," Shiu said while making direct eye contact with Toji. 

"What?" Toji asked, his eyes narrowing as a frown adorned his face. Shiu just sighed, knowing that Toji didn't believe his words. "Y/l/n Y/n is dead." Toji's fists clenched as he went and roughly grabbed Shiu by the collar, his face inches from the detectives. "Quit yer fucking bullshit and tell me the truth. Cause I ain't finding this joke funny." Toji growled, his neck flexing as a vein appeared on his right temple. Shiu didn't back down as he stared at Toji with serious eyes. Toji clicks his tongue as he tosses Shiu away before turning on his heel to leave the building. "Fushiguro!" Shiu called out, not having finished everything he wanted to say to the assassin. Toji ignored him as he pulled his phone out angrily, dialing your number and pressing it to his ear, waiting for your voice to pick up on the other end. 

The number you have dialed is not available; please-

Toji cursed quickly, hanging up the phone as he continued to call your number multiple times. "Fucking brat answer the phone." He hissed, walking past numerous people on the streets. Just as Toji was about to call you again, he caught a glimpse of a familiar face from the corner of his eye. Toji stopped in place, his phone now resting at his side still open as he stared at the TV inside a small store. There was a news channel with a small picture of you with the caption, 'Local woman found dead in her apartment. Cause of death: a giant hole through the chest.' Toji's mouth opened slightly, his eyes wide in disbelief. 

Once your picture was no longer on the screen, Toji cursed to himself as he quickly returned home. Once home, Toji slammed the door as hard as he could, not even bothering to turn on the lights before throwing everything in his line of sight, trashing his apartment as he yelled multiple curses. 

_____

Days have passed since Toji was hit with the news of your horrible death. Your funeral was two days later, but Toji never went. He refused, thinking that if he went and saw your name on one of those damned stones, every person he came in contact with would be killed on sight. It wasn't like the two of you had been dating for long, about a year, to be exact. Toji had many girlfriends and flings before meeting you, so he never cared when they would turn up missing or disappear without anyone knowing. However, when it came to you, it was different. What Toji felt for you was similar to when he lost his wife. 

Toji sat on the floor of his apartment; broken items littered the room as the lights remained off. A slight glow lit up the room as Toji saw his phone ringing. He lifted it to see Shiu's contact appear on the screen. Growling in annoyance, he flipped the phone on, pressing it to his ear. "What?" He snapped his voice slightly horse from having yelled so much before. "You sound awful. Have you been taking care of yourself at all?" Toji groans as he presses his thumb and pointer finger to his eyes. He applies pressure as he rubs them, feeling how tired his eyelids are as the dark circles slightly appear from the phone's light. "Get to the point. I'm in no mood." He grumbled while pulling another cigarette from his pocket. 

"You weren't at Y/n's funeral." Shiu was blunt and to the point, causing Toji to grunt as he placed the stick between his lips. "So what? I don't need to make an appearance around people who I never fucking saw once around her." He spat while patting his pockets to find his lighter. It wasn't entirely an excuse. When Toji and you started dating, he had never met anyone who claimed to care for you. Shiu didn't say anything momentarily, causing Toji to furrow his brows in annoyance. "Anything else?" He growled, not wanting to be on the phone any longer. "We're still looking for the man who killed her. I promise Toji he will be found and punished." Shiu claimed with total confidence. Toji's eyes narrowed as he listened to those words; scoffing, he tried lighting the cigarette. "Oh, you're damn right he will be…. I'm going to fucking kill him. That's my promise." Before Shiu can say anything else, Toji hangs up, tossing the phone randomly. 

Toji sits there; brows furrowed in annoyance as he flicks at the lighter, growing increasingly agitated with it not working. "Tch. Fucking useless-!" Toji goes to throw the lighter but stops when he notices what one is in his hand. He freezes, staring at the small item, remembering when you had given it to him as a gift. 

____

You and Toji were out discussing business when it suddenly started to rain down, causing the two of you to get soaked as you ran for cover. The two of you sigh as you watch the rain fall from where you now stand, soaking wet. "Geez! The forecast said nothing about rain!" You whined angrily, scrolling through your phone as you double-checked the weather. Toji grunted as he ran a hand through his hair, watching the water droplets fly off. "I should've packed an umbrella…." You whispered in thought, brows furrowed, a slight pout on your lips. Toji internally chuckled, finding your expressions amusing. 

You were always frowning or having some angry tick whenever something didn't go as planned, or you would get mad, which caused him to love teasing you every chance he could. "Well~ well~ it looks like miss organized and plans ahead failed once again~" He teased, a sly grin on his face as he went and pulled out a cigarette. You looked at him, eye twitching as he placed it between his lips. He looks down at you curiously before grinning, one brow raised. "Got something to say, tiger?" He questioned, raising his lighter. You click your tongue, looking away from him. "As if I would have anything to say to such a rude man!" You scoffed, earning a chuckle. 

It went silent between the two of you. The only sounds heard were the falling rain and the clicking of Toji's lighter. You glanced up, noticing the annoyed look on the taller man's face as he grunted, trying to get it to light. The two of you stood like that momentarily before you thought of something. “One moment, Fushiguro! I'll be right back!" You announced suddenly, running to the convenience store across the street. Toji stood there, confused momentarily, before trying the lighter again. After a few more tries, he curses, tossing the small contraption to the ground and taking the cigarette out of his mouth. 

He watches the convenience store waiting for your small form to appear in the doors. When you finally come out, he takes notice of the umbrella in your hand as You quickly run across the street, standing in front of him again. You look at him, a small pant leaving your lips as you hold your fist out to him. He looks at you curiously but complies, holding one of his giant hands out for you. You place the lighter in his hand, surprising him with the sudden gesture. "You didn't have to do that tiger." He mumbled but still went and used the lighter for his cigarette, nodding in approval. 

You just laughed, placing a hand behind your neck as you smiled, a slight blush on your cheeks. "Well, consider it as my apology gift to you!" You laughed shyly. "Apology? For what?" He mumbled, leaning back against the building under which you both had taken shelter. You just smiled a bright smile, a blush coating your cheeks as you held a finger up to your lips as if telling him not to spill a secret. 

"For forming a crush on you of course!" 

_____

Toji sat there, eyes covered by his messy bangs as he gripped the lighter. "Damn tiger…" He cursed as he forcefully tried to flick the lighter on again, this time not stopping as his body began to shake. “Fuck Y/n….” He looked up with tears running down his face as he bit the cigarette as hard as he could. 

"Come back and declare your love for me over and over again, dammit." 

Sukuna

You were known as the witch of the woods. No one entered those woods fearing being cursed or killed in horrible, gruesome ways. However, that was far from the truth, as you were a sweet and docile woman who only wished to heal and create with your magic. You and Sukuna had first met when he had entered the woods in search of your magical abilities. When he showed up at your small hut in the woods, you were surprised, not by his fearful appearance but by his giant wound in his side, causing immense amounts of blood to gush out. Sukuna watched you quickly drop the items you were holding as you ran to him, your small frame inches from his intimidating one. He flinched as you placed your tiny hands around the wounded area, eyes scanning the injury with deep concentration. 

Sukuna frowned at you, not liking how you didn't cower in his presence or even acknowledge his fearful appearance. He roughly grabbed your hand with one of his own, pulling it up so you were forced to look up at his face, each eye holding a murderous glare. "Oi, pitiful witch of the woods. Who do you think you are to approach me like this?" He hissed; a voice filled with venom. You just looked at his eyes, showing no fear as you said nothing. You went and placed a hand on his wound, chanting in a language he was not familiar with. 

Sukuna watched as the wound healed faster than he could regenerate it. He hummed in amusement while looking down at you with a dark smirk. You just looked at him, your aura tense and powerful. "I am not afraid of curses." You declared a voice so elegant it made his ears ring. He laughed loudly, causing you to flinch at the sudden noise covering one of your ears in pain. Sukuna pulls you closer to him, faces inches apart as he looks at you with a deranged smile. "You're such an amusing witch of the woods…. It makes me want to play with you more before ending your pathetic and weak life." He laughed, looking deep into your eyes. 

Sukuna became enthralled by your talents, watching you cast spells he didn't know or ever heard of. You taught him some of the magic you knew over time, informing him of the repercussions of some of the spells. He would listen carefully, wanting to know everything if it meant his chances of gaining even more power. The two of you were complete opposites, so it was strange how you became so close. You never understood why a man filled with nothing, but murderous and selfish intent could ever want with someone like you who wished for peace and never had any selfish desire. 

"We don't share much in common, do we?" Sukuna grunted one day when the two of you sat outside. You looked at him, tilting your head as you continued to mix some herbs for a new medicine you were working on. "You're just realizing this now, Sukuna-san." Your laugh was so soft that it made Sukuna feel a tingle in his chest. "Tch. Do you finally want to die?" He grumbled, giving you a slight glare as he flicked your forehead, his other arms crossed over his chest while the fourth one scratched the back of his head. You whine as you hold your forehead, a giant pout on your face. "So weak." He teased, "Like I said, not much in common." He shrugged, looking away from you to stare at the setting sun. 

"Indeed, we don't share much in common, but…. there is one thing we will have until the day comes when we die." You whispered while placing a handout towards the setting sun with a sad look on your face. "Oh? And what would that be?" Sukuna hummed, interested in your words, as he glanced down at you in wonder. Though small, Sukuna could see the sad and lonely smile on your lips. "The world will hate us…never to be accepted for what we are." Your words took a moment to sink in for Sukuna. He hummed, his expression unreadable. 

Suddenly, he was placing both his right arms towards the sunset like you. "Even if that's true… I'll always accept you for what you are." He mumbled. Your eyes widened as you looked up at him, lips slightly parted. He made no effort to look at you as his eyes stayed fixed on the changing colors in the sky. "Sukuna-san…" you felt your heart racing as heat started to sneak onto your face. Suddenly, he looked at you with an annoyed look, brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance as he went and hit your head. "Also, who the hell do you think will be dying?! Damn stupid witch!" He yelled, causing you to cry while he just shoved the herbs you had been mixing down your throat. 

_______

The king of curses couldn't believe his eyes and ears as he stood in place, body in complete shock. Down below him was a village just outside the woods he had grown to call home. There, in the center of said village, stood a huge crowd of angry and fearful villagers, each one cheering or chanting multiple curses into the air as they looked at the giant fire that rose into the sky, turning the once beautiful sunset view into a clouded gray sky. However, it wasn't the villagers that were causing the fear in Sukuna's heart and soul. Oh no. It was the screams of his lover, whose shadow was seen thrashing within the flames tied to a giant pole. 

"Stop it! Please! What did I do wrong?! Please tell me!" You cried from the flames. Sukuna's fists started dripping blood as all the blood vessels in each of his eyes burst. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" You apologized to the villagers who relished in your pain and suffering. He was seeing red. Before anyone could process anything, Sukuna was brutally murdering every one of the villagers, ensuring they didn't die without immense pain. His shouts and feral laughter were the last thing to curse their ears. Soon, the village was nothing more than a blood bath. Sukuna stood there, blood dripping from every part of his body as he looked down at the burnt body in front of him. 

He doesn't say anything as he kneels carefully, picking up your body with all four arms staying there, making sure your body is as close as possible to his as he grits his teeth before screaming into the sky cursing the entire world. 

_____

"Hey Sukuna, do you believe in soulmates?" You asked while reading from that mysterious book of yours. "Huh? Soulmates? I know I joke about you being stupid but I'm starting to think that you really are." He said, looking at you annoyed. You frown at him going and whispering a small spell, causing the tea he was drinking to spray up while he went to take a sip. You stand there, mouth covered with one hand, trying to hold your laughs back.

Meanwhile, Sukuna gave you the most sadistic look you could ever imagine, tea dripping from his face. "Y/n~" He sang in a deadly tune. You cringe as you cower in the corner, waving your hands in front of you frantically. 

"SUKUNA IT WAS A JOKE!" You cried while he stood there cracking his knuckles, a dark aura surrounding him. "I just wanted to see if you would help me with this old spell I found!" You squealed, bracing yourself for what was to come. When nothing happened, you peeked from behind your fingers. "Eh?" You asked confused. Sukuna just stood there looking down at you with a curious expression. "An old spell?" He questioned, bending down to your height and tilting his head in thought. "About soulmates?" You nod "mhm!" "You want to see if we're soulmates?" You nod proudly, arms crossed over your chest. Sukuna smirks as he watches his words slowly process for you. A deep blush covers your cheeks as you stammer over your words, trying to defend yourself while he laughs, finding the situation amusing. He rests his head on one of his fists as he crouches before you. "Then do it." He said, a cocky smirk on his face. "I wanna see…if you're my soulmate witch of the woods." You blushed tears from embarrassment in the corners of your eyes as you looked away quickly, getting everything you needed for the spell. Sukuna didn't move; he just stayed in place, watching you place all the items in front of him before sitting on the other side. 

"Okay! Ready?" You ask, a shy smile on your face. Sukuna hums, holding an arm out as he pricks some skin, watching the drop of blood fall into the bowl. You carefully do the same thing, neither of you saying a word. "How will we know?" He mumbles, not looking away from the bowl. "According to the spell, if you're soulmates, then both of you will suddenly have-!" You stop noticing the black tattoos form on your wrists along with others. You quickly looked up at Sukuna, seeing the same thing happen to him, only his markings were slightly different. The two of you stare at each other in shock. "...markings…" You whispered, a slight blush on your cheeks. Sukuna stares at you, eyes still slightly wide, before kissing you deeply. 

You squeak, feeling his hands start to feel up and down your body, not in a lustful way but in what feels like a devoted one. "My soulmate…my witch of the woods…your soul belongs only to me." He whispered, kissing up your neck before reaching your lips. You just giggled while placing your hand on his cheek, a soft smile on your face. "Sukuna-san…thank you for allowing me your soul… it's my greatest treasure."

______

"OI! SUKUNA!" Sukuna slowly opened his eyes, staring at the bottom of his throne. 'Ah, that's right…the kid is crying about helping that damn friend of his…tch. Not my fault he got his soul changed.' Sukuna thought, uninterested in what Yuji yelled at him. He just sighed before noticing a small tear falling from his eye. He swipes it away while looking at the markings on his wrist. He smiled a small smile, something that no one in the world would ever see besides one person, and she was gone. Sukuna placed a gentle kiss on the tattoos. 

"My soul yearns for you my Queen…my soul…one that only you can have and touch…my Y/n…" 

Choso

Choso fell against the wall, tears streaming down his face as he stared at the flower, eyes wide in shock. His mouth opened to scream, cry, yell, but nothing came out. He grips both sides of his head and slowly shakes it before squeezing his eyes shut, the tears appearing to get worse. Choso opens his eyes, glancing to his left to see the broken pieces of what was once a cursed item that informed him of your well-being. The two of you decided to get them when Choso started to fear for your safety after the deaths of his two younger brothers. He remembers your gentle smile as you happily agreed to his request, telling him you would do anything to ensure his mind was at ease. 

When he processed the broken pieces once again, signaling that you were no longer in this world with him, Choso snapped, his eyes practically rolling back as he screamed until it felt like his lungs would tear from his chest. "Why?! Why?! I don't understand why she was only gone for two days!" He screamed to himself while rolling around on the floor like a madman, the tears never-ending. First, his brothers and now his lover, all three gone from his side within a blink. "How could I fail to protect my family?!" Choso felt his fingers dig into the flesh of his face, tiny beads of blood appearing here and there. "Y/n! Y/n!" Choso reached for the broken pieces, his body soon becoming still as he grits his teeth, his eyes leaking tears. 

"My beautiful sweet bleeding heart…tell me it's a lie…you said you would be right back by my side." Choso sobbed as he held the broken cursed object to his chest while staring at the night sky. Choso's mind runs wild as he asks himself so many questions about your death. 'Was she scared? Did she suffer? Was it peaceful? Did they torture you? Did you cry? Smile? Were you lonely? Did you wish for him to save you?' all these thoughts ran through his head as he cried into the night. After some time, Choso quieted down, slowly rising to his feet as he stomped to his family's home, your home, no, to his home. He said nothing, his eyes void of any light as he lifted his head to the sky like a zombie, watching as snow started to fall. 'It's so cold tonight, Y/n….' He thought his hand subconsciously opened as if ready to take another's smaller one.  

_______

"Choso! Can I have a hug?!" You cheered, standing before your cursed boyfriend with a giant smile as you held your arms wide open. Choso just looked at you from his seat, tilting his head in confusion. "But didn't I just give you one five minutes ago?" he asked, not understanding why you wanted another one. You smile at him, slightly jumping in your step as you lean forward, arms still open, awaiting his embrace. "So?! What if I want to hug you every five minutes? You hurt me, my blood lotus." you whispered a slight pout on your cheeks. Choso flinches as he quickly goes and wraps you in his loving embrace. "I could never dream of such a thing. Me? Hurt you? I would rather die my bleeding heart." He whispers while inhaling the smell of your shampoo you knew he loved. 

"I love everything about you, my sweet flower." he caressed your cheek, a tiny blush on his cheeks as he avoided eye contact, still too embarrassed. You just giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck when he went to pull away from the hug. You hum, pressing your forehead to his as you force him to look into your eyes. You smile, eyes as bright as the day he met you. "Your eyes are so beautiful…" You whispered, gently placing the pads of your thumbs onto his dark circles, giving a small massage to the flesh. Choso lets out a small moan of approval as he carefully caresses one of your wrists with his fingers barely grazing your skin. "My bleeding heart…" You watched as Choso placed tender kisses on your wrist, his eyes glancing at you with much love and admiration. 

"Does this makeup for me hurting you earlier? Or do you wish for more?" He whispered, his thumb slowly dragging down your bottom lip, causing you to blush at his sudden boldness as you quickly jumped away, hiding your face. "T-that's perfectly fine! I'm already way better! I promise!" You stumble over your words, causing a gentle smile to caress Choso's face. "I adore you." He whispered honestly. "I-I get it!" you cried, covering his mouth with your hands. He laughs, loving how cute you are being. Choso pushes back a strand of your hair once you remove your hands from his mouth. "There's just one thing I'll never understand," he confessed, ensuring that you looked presentable when you had to go outside on your next assignment. "Hm? What is it?" You asked, tilting your head as you interlocked your fingers with his. "This," he confessed, gesturing to your hands holding one another. 

"You always want to hug or touch me in some way almost every second of the day. I am not complaining, of course…as I love you and…" he trailed off, growing shy at his words before clearing his throat. "I guess I just don't get why that is all." He admitted with a slight nod. You hum a smile as you lean back slightly, tilting your head to the side, eyes closed in thought. "Well…I guess it's because…for me I feel like if I don't keep touching you, you'll disappear from my side forever. So I want to ensure you're still with me in this world, Choso." You confessed this time using his name instead of your chosen nickname for him. Choso blushes before smiling as he lets out a tiny laugh while going to ruffle your hair. 

"Haha! You're so silly! I'll really never understand you Y/n." he confessed lovingly. You just looked up at him with your biggest smile, a deep blush on your cheeks as you placed a kiss on his lips. "I love you so, so much my bloody Lotus!" You cheered, and Choso could practically see just how pure and true your love for him was while looking into your eyes. 

_______

Choso stood in the doorway of your once-shared bedroom. His drained facial expression scanned the entire area, ensuring he took everything in, wanting to remember this room with all your shared belongings for the rest of his life. Choso lays down on the shared bed, making sure he curls up into a bawl as he shakily reaches for your pillow and your side of the blanket, bringing both pieces of fabric next to him, squeezing like they, too, would vanish from his grasp. Choso inhales your scent, tears falling from his face, drenching your once favorite pillow as he shoves his face into it, not wanting to forget your smell once it no longer remains in the place you two called home. 

"I wish you were here, my bleeding heart…I want to feel you next to me…I need you next to me." Choso cries, his entire body shaking as his mind fails to accept what has happened. Guilt soon fills his heart as he lets out a heart-wrenched sob, squeezing his eyes closed. "I'm sorry I didn't always hug and touch you whenever you were near me…maybe if I did…would you not have disappeared from my side Y/n? Are you gone because of me?" 

[novalizinpeace]

Random mod check

How are you feeling and doing? Thank you for the amazing blog. Please remember to take care of yourself and that people care about you

not exactly good? If you're here just for the critters keep scrolling, no need to read my chaotic life.

It had been a kinda bad start of the month with a lot of bad news both in my work and in my family, and 'm honestly trying to keep myself together drawing the critters 'cause on the other hand i would probably break down.

For ''little'' things like one of my cats been dumb enough to try to eat a bee so now she have a inflamate mouth that prevent her to eat normally so i need to be over her giving her food like a baby (and she's a mean bitch so is more hard), from big worry things like medical shit related to me, my mother and my grandma (yay for chronic family diseases), to the death of my paternal grandfather. I hadn't been able to catch a break since december, and the rest of my family aren't exactly helping, so the only thing i can do is take it like a champ and keep going, i had been having said mentality since my 15, and now in my 25 i already sound like a old lady due all the shit i had to take responsability for, i feel like a war soldier with PTSD and everything.

One of the things that is eating me up is the posibility of getting my internet shut down again 'cause, while i paid for my part of the month, my family ''forgot'' their part, and is already 5th so theres a BIG probability that tomorrow 'm not going to be here, they told me they're going to try and find their part before paycheck, but idk if that a ''we're paying it before it get shut down'' or a ''we're paying in the next 10 days'', so yeah, if i suddendly don't post anything tomorrow, you know why.

You would thing ''why don't you move out?'' ''why don't live on your own and deal with your own problems?''. Well, here's the thing: In this country, the salary is around 5$/week, 'course that the official one, but since bussiness know nobody is going to work for that little, they include a food stamp of around 50/80$ with the paycheck, so in a way you're getting pay 100$/month.

But this mean that you still only have 20$/month to spend elsewhere, and shit like clothes, basic neccesities, healthcare and more aren't cheap. You need to calculate right, 'cause you risk to miss something important and not been able to get it till next paycheck (for big example, female products that suck my souls each month). and you know how much it cost the internet? around 40$/month, so a two people full salary, aka i wouldn't be able to pay for the internet on my own.

So even when a good house have a cost of 5.000$ here (a lot of house are abandoned due the big number of people emigrating from here, so house are really cheap), if you only get 240$/year, the only way you can live alone is if you have a familiar that is sending you money from another country to help you get it, or if you got the house from a familiar that passed away.

Yeah, a lot of my problems at the moment come from financial problems, but the house situation isn't one, i wouldn't care still living here is i could deal with the other problems, my life as been stressful since the man that speak with birds got in charge of the country, but i could deal with it before, it right now that 'm eating my nails at all the shit going on.

I really appreciate all the support and love you all had give me here, i had take the critters (both the cartoon and the experiments) as a safe place in this stressful times, so the fact that other people enjoy them with me as really help me keep going. Don't worry, if i dissapear isn't going to be forever, just like the fucking springtrap ''i always come back''. You're not going to get away from me this easily.

[poohsources]

HELLO EVERYBODY! another year has gone by, and i'm still the same old me. well ... not fully, because a lot has been happening over the past year that has changed me ( for the better, i think ). anyway, i guess you're not here to hear about my personal life, so let's get right into it.

i already mentioned it in last year's anniversary post, but i basically made this whole blog on a whim. i liked memes, i liked photoshop, and i'd been a part of this community for a few years by that point, so i figured, why not try to give back to the community? at first, it was honestly just a small place meant for me to create some stuff i use / have used / would like to use, and i never ever thought i'd get any kind of feedback on it. or see other people use my stuff as well, which still, to this day, feels so rewarding whenever i come across it. it really helps me see myself in a better light because — hey, maybe i'm not as terrible at this as i always thought i was. maybe i do actually make stuff others can enjoy.

i never would have anticipated this blog to blow up this much. it's been two years since its creation, two years since i made the first post here, and now a seemingly impossible follower goal i set myself at the start of the year doesn't seem all that impossible anymore. and it's all thanks to you.

all of you people, whether it's followers, those who like or reblog my stuff, or those using my creations — i wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. there were a few times i thought about abandoning this blog ( and tumblr ) altogether, either because my life or my mental health got in the way but i could not do it. sure, there might be more breaks, especially now with my new dual studies program, but i'm still around. i'm still making things, even if they're at a lesser frequency now.

but just know that i appreciate each and every one of you. so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for your continued support.

much love pooh 🧡

[abandonedhousesofruralamerica]

Hey everyone!

So I’ve gotten a couple more dms/asks about how I find all these abandoned houses and couldn’t find the original post where I talked about it, so because I love you guys and I love talking about this we will make a new/updated one!

Firstly, I’ve spent my whole life out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by old farms and tiny little towns. I’m honestly not entirely sure, but I’m pretty sure that more urban areas don’t have the sheer number of abandoned houses/places that we do out here in the sticks (part of the reason why I hate the term “urban exploring”). I’m not entirely sure why this is, but once you start exploring, it’s SHOCKING how many houses were left to rot in the middle of the woods or cornfields.

So between four wheeler rides through the fields and lots of gravel drives I’ve managed to spot a lot of them. It’s like anything else, once you start looking for them they’re everywhere. I keep a list on google maps of the places I find, sometimes with little notes to remind me which is which. This helps.

I’ve also said it before and I’ll say it again, winter is the best time to search because the trees/fields don’t get in your way, while fall and spring are the worst times to actually explore because of farmers being out in the fields. So I try to keep my eyes peeled in the winter and mark all the places then to search later. Especially where I live (rural MN), the snow can be 5-10 feet deep in places, so the middle of summer (if it’s not too hot - 100+) is usually the best time to explore.

Anyways, thank you for coming to Ted talk and all your love and support! I ADORE getting asks and dms so hit me up and I’ll try to answer! I’ll include some pics below, but scribbling the location out so please don’t stalk me😂😁

Avande50 - main blog

abandonedhousesfruralamerica - you’re here baby!

midwesterngothicofruralamerica - side blog for pictures that don’t exactly fit here

countrymansionsofruralamerica - side blog I’ve been considering starting?

[fastlikealambo]

My Baby’s Got A Gun. || Mafia!Eddie Munson x Black!Fem Reader 2/2

Summary: You get kidnapped and Eddie loses his shit.

Triggers: Violence, gore,  blood,  violence against reader,  dark! eddie, use of pet names, no use of y/n.

Ageless blogs and minors, dni.

Other Mafia!Eddie Fics

You Should See Me In A Crown

The Night We Met

                                            Part Two

Before Eddie Munson could leave his home, there was something he had to do.

“Before we go, I need to show you all something. Winters, please step forward.” Eddie gestured to a greasy haired man with a pencil thin mustache to come forward and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Do you know why I’ve called you up here, Winters?”

The older man shook his head but Eddie could see the few drops of sweat begin to drip down his forehead.

“ You were supposed to be watching over my wife, that stupid parking lot where her car is always dark at 4, you were supposed to be there at 3:45 to make sure there wasn’t any trouble. Why weren’t you there?”

“There was traffic, boss.”

“Traffic? And if I check your jacket pocket, I won’t find a grand and a dime bag?”

Winters doesn’t answer but tries to move but Eddie takes care of that, bringing the man to his knees and pulling out exactly what he knew to be there out of his pocket.

“For $1,000 and a pinch of coke, you sold us out to Jason and you broke my wife’s trust. For $1,000, I got to listen to my wife scream over the fucking phone so you know Winters?  I think it’s only fair that I get to listen to you scream.”

 From his pocket, Eddie produced a pair of black latex gloves, the flick of a switchblade in his hand echoing in the silent room.

For every vision his mind conjured of your scared face, Eddie cut deep, for every short strangled cry he heard before the phone went dead, Eddie allowed himself an extra minute to remove Winters’ vocal chords.

Only when the blade was clean and all that was left of Winters was a pile of nerve endings did Eddie turn back to his men.

“Gentlemen, this is what happens when you betray me. Did you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Mr. Munson.”

With everything crystal clear, it was time to bring you home.

“ You and I need to talk.”

Jason put you in Benny’s old walk-in, bloody and blindfolded, tied to the chair. 

Your head was throbbing and fuzzy at the same time and it was pitch black so you had no idea how much time had passed since you heard Eddie’s voice.

“What’s Eddie’s offshore account number?” Jason asked, leaning the chair back.

“I don’t know.” You said, tearfully.

“Let’s see if I can jog your memory, Mrs. Munson.”

You’d thought they wouldn’t hurt you, you were wrong.

Jason thought he could break you, he was wrong.

When he left you half conscious in the walk-in, you hadn’t given him a single thing.

“Right on time! I was just having a conversation with your wife, freak, not much of a talker.” Jason said.

Eddie said nothing as Jason’s men patted him down and took his guns from him before shoving him into the abandoned diner, locking the door behind him.

“Is that for me?” Jason gestured to the silver briefcase in Eddie’s hand, reaching for it but Eddie took a step back.

“My wife or no deal.” 

“Gentlemen, let’s show the freak what’s behind Door # 2.” 

One of his men opened the walk-in door and Eddie saw you for the first time, slumped over in a metal chair. The fact that he couldn’t tell if you were breathing or not confirmed a simple fact for Eddie.

Everyone in that room was going to die today.

Eddie handed over the briefcase to a grinning Jason and took a step towards you but twenty guns in his face stopped him.

“We made a deal, now let her go.”

“As I recall, you said you were going to come in here kill me and erase everything I built. Did you honestly think I was going to let you just walk out?” Jason said.

“No, I just needed to keep you talking long enough, Carver.”

“ Long enough for what, freak?”

It was at that moment Jason Carver realized the briefcase he cradled in his hands was ticking.

A loud noise startled you back to actual consciousness as the chair you were in went clattering to the round, the sound of gunfire and Jason’s screams filled the air. 

Multiple rounds went off all around Eddie but with every step he took, an obstacle in his path to you was cut down by one of his men. His relief when he saw you move on the bloody floor threatened to overwhelm him but he  made quick work of your bindings, gently removing the blindfold from your face.

“Eddie?”

“Told you I was coming princess.”

Eddie kissed you softly on the forehead before gathering you in his arms, the small wince you let you at the sudden movement made him furious but your head nestled on his shoulder calmed him down and he began to walk through the graveyard of Jason’s men.

Jason Carver himself was held up between two of Eddie’s men, moaning in pain and in awe of what was left of his hands, courtesy of the surprise in the briefcase.

“You know what to do.” Eddie said, never taking his eyes off you as he proceeded to carry you out of what was left of Benny’s and into a waiting car. 

“It’s alright, you’re safe now, I know you’re tired, you can’t go to sleep yet baby, just look at me. You were so brave, you just have to be brave a little longer.” Eddie soothed, stroking your face.

“Are we going home now?” You asked, trying hard to focus on Eddie’s face but you were so tired.

“ We’re almost there sweetheart, stay with me.” He urged as he slid your wedding ring back on your finger, kissing your knuckle.

Hours later, when the doctor had been paid for their discretion and left, you rested in Eddie’s arms. As you drifted off to sleep, Eddie counted each and every bruise on your face and put his lips to them.

“No one’s ever going to hurt you again, princess, I’ll make sure of it.” He whispered.

 After making sure you were warm enough, he slowly got out of bed, safe in the knowledge that he’d be right outside the door just in case you woke up.

With a soft smile at your sleeping form, he closed the door and his smile continued to widen at what awaited him on this side of the door.

Jason Carver was tied to a chair and at the sight of Eddie, began to scream through the tape over his mouth. Eddie crouched in front of him, taking a fresh pair of gloves from one of the men with one hand, his blade in the other.

“Shh, my wife is resting, we don’t want to wake her up. Now, where were we?”

[spoiledleaff]

Why did you disappear for so long?? I feel like you abandoned your blog and friends and stuff for a bit lol Are you okay??

sure. let's talk about this :) i've had a lot of asks lately asking if i was okay during my hiatus//if i'm okay now that i'm trying to make an effort to come back, and, the short answer is no. i'm not.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (bpd).

cw :: massive vent + personal, medical talk regarding my mental health and thought process. honestly just a lot of oversharing, because i don't have an outlet for this irl, haha! for all intents + purposes, everything below this line is a trauma-dump. please take care of yourself.

for unnecessary context, haha! i went on a hiatus for about half a year, abandoned this blog, destroyed many old wips and interactions i had with the ghost fandom + distanced myself from the friends i've made on this site through ao3 and/or tumblr with no context or goodbyes. my mental health was, and continues to be, in shambles.

i had a homelessness scare + a series of bad physical health scares that almost led me to a brain cancer diagnosis, so... that was fun, haha. but this is probably the main thing.

borderline personality disorder (bpd) is a mental health condition that mainly affects people through extreme mood swings, unstable relationships, trouble controlling their emotions, + often times self-destructive behavior. one of the main symptoms that most people with bpd suffer is fear/perception of abandonment + a constant feeling of emptiness. in addition to this, i have a deeply ingrained socially anxious mindset + i am neurodivergent.

it runs in my family. and, apparently, its running its course through me as well, haha.

i am exhausted. i find myself stuck in an endless cycle, especially on this site, where i am so incredibly excited to interact with the people i've been fortunately enough to find on this site through my work but i distance myself almost immediately when i worry that i start to get too close to someone.

i am so afraid of being abandoned/left behind, that i would rather abandon someone else and disappear.

as a side effect of my bpd, i mainly struggle with paranoia, disassociation, a short temper, feelings of emptiness + an unreliable self-image.

this, unfortunately, affects my relationships here a lot.

i hate my work. i hate myself. sometimes i even hate my friends and then that always spirals into hating their friends, even if it's people who i know are lovely or i have never even fucking met before. i hate this site + ao3, i hate my fandoms, i hate this blog, and i sometimes find myself hating everyone and everything i've ever known and seen. it's a constant cycle of hatred followed by an emptiness that my work will never be good enough, my friendships will never be good enough, my stories will never be good enough, and i will never be good enough. i rarely find joy in these things anymore.

i find myself so desperate + anxious for a little bit of positive social interaction that i overthink every possible scenario, panic, and then vaguely cut ties before i think the other person will.

i cannot begin to describe to you the constant debate i have with myself about whether or not i should delete this blog, permanently remove everything and anything i've ever written on ao3, before inevitably trying to start anew with maybe another penname, another account.

but i've always liked routine. calling myself some variation of 'leaff' on the internet is a part of that. i don't know what else to call myself—people would know it's me.

i'd really like that. i'd fucking hate it too.

so, i've distanced myself from the fandoms + from the people who interact with my content. i do the bare minimum with friends, and sometimes not even that. i ghost people always, worry about what to say next to the point that i've genuinely convinced myself that i've responded, i do the bare minimum, wash, rinse, repeat.

i post my shit, giggle about this and debate about that, disappear for a bit, before inevitably coming back.

i do enjoy the work that i do, sometimes i'm even proud of it. but it's such an inconsistent whirlwind in my mind that i find myself hating it all just as a default.

if you're someone who has had the misfortune of interacting with me, and you wonder if i hate you. i don't.

i promise. not like that, at least.

i'm not going to therapy for this; i can't afford it. i'm trying to find a way to possibly be medicated for this, but i don't have the greatest insurance. i'm trying to train myself into a nicer, more positive mindset; it's hard.

but i'm trying. i'm still very uneducated about this. i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i might be aroace. i think it's why my writing is getting worse, or, at least, why i've been so distraught and unhappy with it. i think this might tie into why i'm so afraid to post anything other than porn; i think it might also be why i'm starting to hate writing it.

i think i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i'm simply unhappy with life, haha.

i didn't mean for this to become such a huge ramble — i think that's why i'm answering this at such an unpopular//late time, haha! — but i've had a surprising amount of asks in my inbox asking about me.

it's weird. i'm not really used to that. i think that's part of the reason why it took me so long.

regardless, this is why i disappeared. this is why i've been distant, this is why i ghosted you, and this is what will probably happen again in the near future. at least it's consistent, i guess.

thank you for your concern. if you made it this far, damn. i wish i had your attention span sometimes, haha. also i'm sorry for never answering your messages or for never reaching out in the first place. it's very easy to convince myself that you don't want me to, that i might be a trophy friend, that what we had was never real.

i'm sorry that after all this time this is how you might be hearing about it.

thank you for being patient with me.

i'm sorry you have to be so patient to begin with.

i think that's all i have to say :) it's a new road for me, and it's one that i don't want to travel. but i have to. i think it might help me in the long run if i do this all now.

so... yeah! :) haha, a bit of leafy lore, if you will. just, maybe not the fun kind, haha!

[chrisemrysfics]

Major change in how I work on fanfics

Note: this is the note I used in my fics, since it works well enough to explain everything!

Please read this note to know the details, but I will be moving to storytelling on my fanfic blog, and only return to AO3 if I have something I want to add. However, it will be a bonus surprise if I come add anything, not the goal, as my goal is now to just chat about my ideas on my blog!

Hello!

This is not a notice that I’m abandoning my fanfics, yes the ones that used to be WIP are now marked “completed”, but this is in relation to a change in how I will be working on fanfics, so please continue to read if you want to know what to expect now!

A month or so ago, I came to a realization of why I have been having issues finding inspiration for a while now, and I also figured out how to express why I have always affirmed that I still expected myself to eventually return to my fanfics. Following that, I was able to figure out a new way to work with my fanfics ideas that I hope will help inspiration flow a bit better~!

I want to first address why I placed this expectation on myself that I would return to my fanfics, which is something I know I tried to express before, but I finally found a decent imagery: my fanfics can be viewed as hibernating. They are not gone, if they were truly gone, I would admit it to myself and make it clear I wouldn’t work on it again. But that isn’t the case: they are still there, just… dormant. And it takes efforts to wake them up, efforts that I haven’t been able to make. Yet, because all it requires is the space to make efforts, that is why deep down I knew I just needed to be patient, and above all, to not abandon. I need to not push myself because that makes me even less willing to make efforts, I need to allow myself to work on stuff when I feel the genuine call. All of this is something I always felt deep down, but never found the proper to express until now. Unless I somehow forgot I said that before, and lost myself a little bit before finding myself again.

Either way, this is why I always told you all that I meant to come back, and why even now, I still speak of keeping the door open to come back. However, as I mentioned, I also came to a realization about why exactly I had been having issues with inspiration, why it had become so much harder, or honestly, impossible to find the space to make effort for my fanfics. I thought it had to do with other aspects of my life needing my attention, and that is a bit of the reason, yet I realized there was a larger reason: my writing style has been changing in the past few years.

And, you know, if writing style is changing, but you’re still trying to work as you used to before? It makes it more and more difficult, until you stop and ask yourself what is happening because you can tell something is wrong. Thankfully, I ended up seeing what the issue was, and it’s quite the relief, even if it comes with needing to make changes in how I work on my fanfics.

The issue? My old writing style that you have seen from me, which I summarize as “multi chaptered stories with a cohesive plot evolving chapter by chapter” (or simply, “traditional format”). It takes effort because I need to detail my ideas, and remain cohesive, and write proper chapters rather than “babble about ideas”. I always adored just day dreaming about my ideas and babbling to myself privately, but for many years, writing with the “traditional format” is what worked for me to make and share fanfics. Until it didn’t, and I realized what might work.

I know I’m not the first person to do this, there are many blogs (or even writers on AO3) who don’t necessarily write multi-chaptered fanfics, and just speak about their ideas, their plot, without actively doing “fully written out story” format. I did always notice that the easiest part for me was building my ideas (what I call “babbles”), but I did enjoy for many years the efforts of writing in that “traditional/fully written out story” format. And then, bit by bit, I lost that enjoyment. It isn’t fun anymore for me to attempt that type of format, I grew to need something different. I still love when there’s cohesive stories as a result, yet it has a become a bonus for me, not the goal. Now, my goal is to just… be a storyteller, not a writer, and hopefully the nuance makes sense to you.

What does it mean, though, in term of what I will be doing? Well, I have made mention of that just now~

What I will be doing is rework my fanfic blog (chrisemrysfics.tumblr.com) and use it to continue telling the stories of the fanfics I have already posted on AO3, and tell any new story I might get inspired about.

All my fanfics on AO3 are now marked completed because, as far as I am concerned, they are finished as they were, and will continue being told on my blog. It will be a surprise, a nice bonus, if my blog storytelling lead me to write more chapters, or write little things that I might want to post on AO3. However, as mentioned, this is a bonus, not the goal.

My goal, now, is to just have fun using my fanfic blog as the location where I share my storytelling for my fanfics. Surprise: I already started testing this format for a specific storyline I have been developing privately for a while!

The storyline in question is a crossover (MCU, DGM, MDZS, BotW/TotK, DAI), that still have lots of ideas that are fandom specific, so in theory, you can easily find stuff to read for a singular fandom if you’re not interested in the others, and you can also find stuff for the crossover aspect. As it is quite a lot of ideas to work with, I made a different blog for it, which you can find at crossoverfamily.tumblr.com.

Just know that I am still in the developmental phase, at the time of writing this note I need to remake my pages for example, but eventually I will have moved into proper storytelling rather than just preparing for said storytelling.

So you can expect me to be more active on there, at least for now, while I adjust the pages and stuff on chrisemrysfics. I honestly don’t know yet what chrisemrysfics will look like in term of content, all I know is the general idea of “this is where I will babble about the fanfics I have on AO3 and all future fanfic storylines that I get inspired to make”. I might even write drabbles and scenes and one-shots connecting to storyline. All I know is how my goal is to share when I want to share, and if it never becomes a “traditional format” story, it’s okay. I will still be telling the stories on my blog.

This doesn’t mean I won’t be on AO3 anymore, as I might have stuff I want to add to existing fanfics, or new fanfics to post. Likely, what I will do in the future on AO3 is, if I have something to add to an existing fanfic, I will make a new series where the first story is the existing fanfic and the rest of the series is one-shots&similar in relation to that story. As for new fanfics, either they are in fact fully pre-written so I can just share as such, or if not fully pre-written, I will share what I want to share on AO3 as series of one-shots&similar.

So, if you want to stick around, and/or see what else I have to share for the fanfic storyline(s) you’ve enjoyed, make sure to keep an eye on my blogs~!

The blogs have anon option on for the inbox, so even if you don’t have a blog of your own, you can still leave an ask/message, so feel free to do that whenever you want!

Thank you for the interest you’ve shown, I totally understand if you move on now or you’re less interest in how things will be now, or if you stick around but only on AO3, I just wanted to make sure my readers know what to expect and aren’t left hanging in confusion!

If you stick around one way or another, all I ask is for patience and respect, though of course, if you want to message me, encourage me, and/or generally show enthusiasm, that’s quite welcome too!

Once more: thank you for your interest, and I wish you the best!

PS: I have original writings at chriscassar.carrd.co if you are curious/interested~

[lestappenforever]

I don't know how your knowledge of One Direction in, but I've seen a lot of posts going around about some people in the Lestappen fandom comparing them to Larry and I just wanted to ask if you agree?

Hello, anon!

I've honestly been staying away from any and all posts about it, but since you asked me directly, I'm going to give you an answer.

I have never been a part of the One Direction fandom, but when I was on Tumblr the first time around on my old account, they were at the very height of their popularity, and the Larry ship was everywhere, to the point where it was actually impossible to avoid. And honestly, if people compare Lestappen to Larry, I'm kind of struggling to see how Lestappen appeals to them because those ships are nothing alike.

Look, one of the things that has always been the most appealing thing to me about Lestappen is their lore. The growing up together in karting, the almost life-long rivalry, the drama. The way they’ve shared a profound connection that started with a childhood rivalry, to practically hating each other, to adult rivalry in F1, to mutual respect, to the genuine respect and enjoyment of each other's company, and the friendship that we now see between them. But most importantly, the way they've both still managed to hold onto their undying desire to beat each other, and how much they both enjoy fighting each other on the track every chance they get, even to this day. It’s beautiful.

"He wants to beat me as much as I want to beat him." "These two will fight forever. They will fight even in F1′. A prophecy." I mean, there’s just so much lore behind Lestappen that if you were to read a book or watch a series/movie about two characters with the same backstory, the same enemies to rivals to friends storyline, you'd roll your eyes and say it was too much, too exaggerated. But it’s not — it’s real. We're blessed to witness it all in real time, and it’s a rivalry that will go down in history, because when people talk about Max Verstappen years from now, they'll also talk about Charles Leclerc. And vice versa.

And now I'm going to very briefly explain why I've stayed away from all those posts comparing Lestappen to Larry: One of my closest friends back then was a huge fan of both One Direction and Larry, and she asked me to write a fic about them once for her birthday. I did, she loved it, she asked me to post it on Tumblr and AO3, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I've mentioned it before, but before I made this Tumblr account in June of this year and started writing Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes), I hadn’t written anything in 7 years. Why? Because I posted that one Larry fic on Tumblr and started taking requests to keep writing fics about a ship I didn't really ship for a fandom I wasn’t even a part of, all because I was so desperate to please and make people happy.

It got to a point where I had hundreds of requests in my inbox and no chance to fill them all, and people were anything but happy. If I didn't fill a request within a few days, I would get complaints and borderline abuse. Eventually, every time I got a new ask or a new message, my anxiety kicked up about ten notches to the point where I was feeling physically ill every time I opened my inbox. And it was so exhausting, draining and depressing that I abandoned that blog and writing in general, and it put me off writing for seven whole years.

I was young and a pathological people pleaser seven years ago, and I've thankfully grown up a lot and grown a solid backbone since then. But to see certain people trying to Larrify the Lestappen fandom? I have no idea what the Larry fandom is like now, but I remember very well what it was like back then, and I'd hate to see that happen to the Lestappen fandom, or any part of the F1 fandom in general. Because that was not the same type of kind, inclusive, and lovely fandom that the Lestappen fandom is to me now (at least the parts of it that I'm exposed to, as there are obviously always exceptions to the rule in every single fandom and ship).

I've been a member of the F1 fandom for almost 20 years now, and I'd absolutely hate to see it turn into something that will remind me of a fandom that drove me to the point of exhaustion seven years ago, and I wasn’t even actually in said fandom myself.

So to give you a very long answer to a simple question: No, I don’t agree with that comparison at all.

[georges-chambers]

1, 5, 7, 15, 20 and 30 for the ask game? :3

Oh hello and thank you, these are very intriguing.

1. "What are 3 things you'd say shaped you into who you are?"

If I really had to pick out specific things which happened and not just basic cultural/literal upbringing: The sort of breakdown I went through between 2022 and 2023 (time blended together so much it's hard to tell when and where one started and where one ended), getting really into Classic and some new Doctor Who when I was like 12 and never fully leaving (which also made me intrigued by those old men), and getting into the Terror and the people I've met through my interest in it (the culmination of wanting to fuck thode old men).

5. "What made you start your blog?'

Technically speaking, soon after I watched the Terror originally last July or so, I'd talk a lot to friends I had who didn't watch/weren't into it, and eventually one suggested I make this because, 'Ships boy as a gender sounds like something that'd do numbers on tumblr'. I eventually did, forgetting to post about exactly that until someone else already kind of had. Needless to say that I'm always glad I did that because I've met many incredible Terror fans through it.

7. What scares you the most and why?

Emotionally, practically? Probably abandonment or something. Literally, physically, and impractically (in that it's very unlikely)? Chimpanzees and gorillas and the thought of being stuck in a room with one. Chimps get alarmed very quickly at Nothing and very violent soon after. Gorillas don't necessarily but I find them hard to look at. So if this scenario somehow ever happened I'd just try to find the easiest, least painful way to lose consciousness possible. Somewhere in between is bugs and dogs. I've had a bit of a phobia of dogs from a young age but in an odd way. It's not a conscious fear, and if I could just force myself not to have it, knowing consciously a dog won't do anything to me, I would, but it hasn't worked. In all of my life. Despite how many people seem to think it will. Looking at them, in pictures or irl, is okay, it's the smell, feeling, and vicinity that does more. And the bigger the easier overwhelming. Similar is true of bugs but this is more 'common' so people certainly don't take it as a personal insult when I feel that way about bugs. And like. Consciously, emotionally? I love both, honestly. But I Do Not control that fear. Trust me when I say I've tried.

15. "What do you think of when you hear the word 'home'?"

A house. Almost suburban-looking. This is strange because I dont live in one. I haven't for most of my life, generally. And it's unclear, hazy, like an old child's drawing.

20. Favourite things about the night?

It's much quieter. I can actually feel like I'm not being watched and listened to by anyone. And I love to see the way it could be so dark, but it's not. The things humans can do have changed that, so completely, which, good or bad, amazes me to see and understand.

30. "What's one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?"

The Sea. In whatever form. Also of course many parts of the Terror and Moby Dick, but god. The Sea and seeing/hearing about it might not like. Fix everything, and make me permanently happier, but it Will sooth me. So much.

Once again, thank you for asking all of these, and I hope you enjoyed the answers.

[bnesszai]

🧃🪐🛼🥑🍄🧸🍬🔪🦷🌿🥐🏜️🍅☁️

for the ask game!

Hi Rohini!<3

juice box: Share some personal lore you never posted about before

uuuhh. i don't find myself particularly interesting but uuuhhh i lived on a military base until i was 8 years old

idk i can't remember any facts about myself rn opatgsiophgspijg

Saturn: name three good things going on in your life rn

ahhh. i'm Big Sad rn but um. 1) i just started my second to last term of uni. 2) the non-profit I'm part of is planning a lot of cool events and 3) i have really amazing friends

rollerskate: describe your latest wip with 5 emojis

i did this for 1 wip already here but, since i have a billion, here's another

🎨🍷🧑‍🔧🩹😍

avocado: you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

@squidsandthings and @osameowdazai <3

mushroom: share a hc for one of your fave ships/pairings

Chuuya always takes of his gloves when he knows that he and Dazai will be hanging out. he wants to be able to hold Dazai's hand and touch his cheeks and just generally feel Dazai's skin under his fingertips

teddy: what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

honestly, whenever someone follows me, i look at their blog and, in a lot of cases, end up following back. otherwise, if someone is in my notes a lot I'll look at their blog to see if i wanna follow them

candy: post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

answered here, kind of

knife: what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

if it's possible to brand an eyeball without just. destroying it. like if you could actually see the brand on the eye or not. definitely would be weird but (and no i don't remember the results of this research. it was for an of novel i was writing in high school a long time ago opaehsghshea)

tooth: share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

don't be a dick to people who are trying to help you

leaf: give advice on writers block/low creativity

Read all about it

croissant: name one Internet reference that will always make you laugh

"Why are you buying clothes at the soup store?" "FUCK YOU" the Code Geass version

desert: what's your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

Answered here!

tomato:give yourself some constructive criticism on your won writing

I tend to start different ideas within the overarching plot and then abandon them. I need to either not include them at all, or remember to circle back to and expand upon them

cloud: what made you choose your username?

well, the bnessz comes from my irl name, my husband's irl name, and my nickname Ness. the "zai" is cuz of Dazai brainrot

Asks Here

[melody-han-wayne]

(OOC: Update + Apology—Long Post)

So I've been pretty much non-existent for the past 4 months or so BUT I can explain!

Basically what happened is that I emigrated to not just a different country, but a different continent on literally the other side of the world from where I grew up. And I left behind all my friends and family at home, meaning I came here alone and I'm still alone and probably will be alone for as long as I remain in this new country. So for the past few months I've been dealing with moving and settling down and making plans to secure my future in this new country—heck, just making sure I can have a future in this new country. I'm more or less settled into my new life now (except for the planning for the future part) but before that I kind of forgot about Melody for a while 🫥

So anyway the guilt ate away at my subconscious and Melody's voice came to me in a dream and berated me for abandoning her, so I woke up and quickly came to check on my baby. And I realise, to my utter mortification and horror, that I never paused my Tumblr queue, so all the half-baked ideas, the rough drafts, the tentative-but-not-in-chronological-order character development, had been posting itself while I was away 🫠. So if during the past 5 months you saw my blog degenerate into a bigger and bigger mess and wondered "What the heck is going on"—it's not you, it's me. Right now I'm just trying to salvage what I can of my blog (and my dignity) and reorganise everything I originally planned for Melody (tbh I forgot half of it but I'm sure the memories are in here somewhere, I just have to clean out the dust and oil the gears first).

Honestly I have no idea how many people follow(ed) Melody's story, I might as well be posting into the void for all I know. But like so many of the other RPers on this blog I started because I was bored and had some ideas in my head that wouldn't leave me alone, and over time I became attached to my OC and her story (perhaps unhealthily so). That's part of the reason why I decided not to just delete my blog and make my absence permanent. Because working on this self-indulgent project used to make me happy, and because I still have some ideas I want to share with whoever might be lurking around. Another reason is because of the community that welcomed me and that I personally watched grow. Even when this blog was at its 'most active' I probably didn't interact with other RPers as much as I should/could have (again, it's not you, it's me) but what little interaction we did have I truly did enjoy as we built and connected our own stories and characters while also interpreting the DC ones. I don't think I've said this before, and I don't think I'll ever say it enough, but really, thank you all for being willing to indulge me and play with me. This has been a lovely space to be in, and you guys combined are like 80% of the reason ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@florence-wayne-official @kit-the-nonbinary-wayne @that-one-gotham-kid @amira-wayne-al-ghul @warren-wayne-kyle @teagrayson + anyone I missed, knowing the rate at which this community grows there's bound to be at least one person I didn't tag (it's not a snub—again, not you, it's me and my bad memory—please don't be offended 🥺)

((idk if tagging everyone is proper etiquette after my prolonged absence, I was just going to say 'you know who you are' at first and leave it at that but I'm not sure if you guys actually know who you are 😅 so if I'm breaking some kind of unspoken Tumblr code of etiquette I apologise again))

(((I didn't mean for that above note to sound as rude as it did)))

ANYWAYS if you've read past the wall of text above to make it down here congratulations and thank you, I'll be doing my best to clean up/revise my blog and my OC and her story in the coming weeks and hopefully get some sort of continuity back on track :) I'm also trying to figure out what happened in the rest of the RP community in my absence so if I reply to a three-month-old post now: once again, it's not you, it's me, and there's totally no obligation to engage with.

Can't wait to hang out with the Batfamily again ☺️ plus all my RP siblings, half-siblings, future siblings, stepsiblings, undead siblings etc XD

[sableraven]

I know this blog isn’t the most people, but I did have many people who read my fanfics (both on my old and new account), and I wouldn’t be where I’m at rn with fanfiction if it wasn’t for Akira Toriyama.

Dragon Ball Z was my first introduction to anything nerd related. I remember discovering it through Nicktoons and it leading my to Nickelodeon’s online forum they had. I read DBZ fanfiction on there which introduced me to the world of fanfiction and online fandom culture in general. DBZ was my gateway to anime and I became obsessed with Shojo animes and would write fanfictions of those animes as well. I can remember myself in elementary school crafting OCs for DBZ and writing fanfiction for it.

I became more interested in fandom culture which led me to tumblr and more nerdy media and I eventually found myself loving comic books, superheroes, the MCU, Star Trek, Star Wars, and they all shaped me to who I am today as a creator. I wrote fics for the MCU, enjoyed storytelling, enjoyed learning about characters and getting to know how to write characters, what made them think, how/why they would react the way they did. I would later learn about psychology and major in it in college. Writing and reading fics of different ships I helped made me explore my sexuality and realize I was bisexual. Being a nerd led me to making friends and enjoying new experiences and hobbies such as cosplay, drawing, sewing, sticker collections. It’s so crazy to look back on how all of this was started by Dragon Ball Z.

Now here I am now, finished writing the longest fanfic I ever made without abandoning it. I learned a lot through what I wrote and was able to cope through because of it. Idk how much of an impact my fanfic has made on people, but I really appreciate all I have done so far as a writer. I’m even now (attempting to at least) pursue a career in entertainment. All because of Akira Toriyama and the world he created.

I mainly wrote this to get this off my chest. I honestly been crying on and off throughout the day. It feels like a part of my childhood had just died, but I hope Toriyama knows how much his art impacted people. It inspired millions of people and for some, it may be a dumb anime, but it’s so much more for so many people. It changed lives, changed career paths, created tons of arts. Rest in peace Akira Toriyama. Your world was the best thing to ever happen to me.

[bulkyphrase]

I love reading your opinions so I'm going to limit myself to 4 (for now...)

2) What's your biggest Stony pet peeve? (or if you don't feel like talking about Stony, talk about any other pairing you wanna rant about!)

9) What's something that bugs you in fanfiction that you encounter often, but isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for you as a reader?

11) Name a fanfiction trope that you can't get on board with?

12) What's something that you think __[insert fandom/pairing]__ doesn't have nearly enough of, that you're starving for?

20) Have you ever deleted/wanted to delete your blog? Why?

❤❤❤❤ Thank you!!! I love sharing my opinions and reading yours too!!

2) What's your biggest Stony pet peeve? (or if you don't feel like talking about Stony, talk about any other pairing you wanna rant about!)

Probably the very common tendency for fic to write (MCU) Tony as younger than he is in canon--either by actually aging him down to be Steve's age or younger, or by writing this 45-year-old man as if he has mind of a teenager. And of course people can like what they like, and Tony's not the most mature guy in the world. But I really like the canon age gap, and don't really vibe with either younger or older-but-immature Tony.

9) What's something that bugs you in fanfiction that you encounter often, but isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for you as a reader?

Stories that focus so tightly on the main couple's relationship that they completely downplay any of the other relationships in their lives. (For example, Stucky stories that depict Steve and Bucky retiring from superhero life and living far away from the Avengers as a happy and fulfilling ending. Or MCU canon fics where Steve and/or Tony consider the other their best friend--Sam, Rhodey, Nat, Pepper, and Bucky would like a word)

Honestly m/m fanfic can be worse than the MCU canon at writing fleshed out female characters that exist for any reason aside from propping up the dudes, and that's saying something.

11) Name a fanfiction trope that you can't get on board with?

Omegaverse. It's not the weird fantasy anatomy and dubcon/fuck or die situations--I love that stuff. But I can't handle the gender dystopia world-building they usually involve.

For a lot of people, writing or reading about their favorite male characters facing extreme sexism seems to be a way to deal with the terrifying reality we live in at a safer emotionally distance? But for me it's just a reminder that I live in a deeply regressive red state that seems to be taking the world of The Handmaid's Tale as an ideal to work towards. Plus a lot of omegaverse does read to me as, like, "what if gender essentialism was really sexy" and "I want to have pregnancy and sexism plots but don't want to include any icky women" but that might just be me being mean.

There are some omegaverse stories I enjoy (of course I have a list). For the most part they depict a level of sexism about on par with the modern world (and any mpreg is safely theoretical and offscreen).

12) What's something that you think [insert fandom/pairing] doesn't have nearly enough of, that you're starving for?

I am dying for fic set in Steve's post-endgame alternate timeline that doesn't leave the extra Steve in the ice. Not only do I think that Steve knows better than anyone how painful it was to wake up displaced from his own time by decades and would never do that to himself, but it also ignores so many delicious narrative possibilities. How would the world be different with two Steves? How would you work through having two Steves without one feeling redundant or replaced? And the shipping potential! Steve selfcest, Peggy/Steve/Steve ménage à trois, or extra Steve with Howard or Bucky or Natasha somehow--the world is your oyster!.

20) Have you ever deleted/wanted to delete your blog? Why?

Never! How could I ever deprive the world of this artfully curated collection of fic recs and reblogged Captain America gifs? I may completely abandon this blog someday, but can't really see myself deleting unless tumblr is taken over by someone evil. Even then I hope I would try to at least save copies of my rec lists, etc. and find somewhere else to host them.

For the Grievances ask game!

[bluejaybytes]

Woe, OC post upon ye! Another longass post about my sploon OCs under the cut, including art <3 This time it's Parker, who blorbo-ified at RECORD speeds and is probably like 90% of why I've been going absolutely insane lately

(This ones 2.9k words this time. I will never write short Ever)

These two pieces never got posted, at least not individually, the first being because it's both "unfinished" as I didn't render it like the other busts I did in the same style, and because I ended up giving her a lot bigger of an art piece that I posted here after, so it felt a bit redundant to post the smaller, unrendered drawing here right after. But now it's an excuse to post more! The icon got included in the compilation however, so that ones not new to my blog, but hey now you can see it in a better resolution!

Parker is probably one of the fastest OCs of mine to go from idea to fully realized character, as the idea for a companion for Jake happened while I was working on his bust, and then by the end of that same drawing she had... practically everything major figured out about her.

Parker's from a more rural part of the domes when compared to the majority of the other important Octolings, and while she's not particularly attached to the domes as her home, she's also not really passionately against them either. She had a pretty shitty childhood, and found her outlet, like a lot of Octolings, in the military, having left home the moment she could to instead be a soldier.

She never really strived for excellence or anything, happily accepting being just a mid-ranked soldier, and positioned... basically out in the middle of nowhere. Unlike Scarlet's "positioned in the middle of nowhere" however, Parker's positioned deep within the domes, in a near labyrinthine abandoned sewer system, which is being purposed as supply lines between military camps. It's quite far away from any civilizations, being at least a weeks walk to and from, but honestly, Parker likes that sort of isolated feeling.

She stays positioned out there for a solid four years or so, serving as the squads sniper and lookout, a talent she highly prides herself on. But, just as with Scarlet, ultimately the job weighs on her. She's stationed out in the middle of nowhere, keeping careful watch over her camp and her fellow soldiers, and... for what? Basically all of the problems she's had to deal with have been deserters and runaways that happen to stumble onto their camp, and maybe the occasional report of an Inkling being spotted nearby, but never any that actually make it far enough to where she's stationed. Yet she still has to conform to military expectations, their standards, and she's just reminded of life back at home. She at least feels some modicum of respect here rather than at home, but it's still this lingering feeling of having no control over here life and being forced into this position under threat.

It's a few months after the reported desertion by Scarlet, who's a much higher ranked soldier than Parker, that she decides she just can't do it anymore. She figures if someone in a much more important position than she is can run off and make it work for her, so can she. She plots for a while before she actually leaves however, and, out on a patrol, she manages to spot a door behind what was previously assumed to be a dead end based on the structure of the other sewer systems, which holds a small, long since abandoned and forgotten about maintenance closet and her plan fully realizes.

In the middle of the night, Parker grabs her trusted Splat Charger, some rations, a set of spare clothes, and an old book they had laying around camp, and runs off. Given that the night she ran off was one of her shifts as lookout, her absence isn't noticed until the morning, giving her enough time to successfully cover her tracks, and make her way to the old maintenance closet, which she ever so lovingly declares her "apartment".

However, once she actually is realized as missing, the other members of her squad realize she ran off on purpose rather than anything happening, given how all of her stuff is gone with her, and set out trying to find her. Parker, however, anticipates this, and manages to find her way into some old scaffolding, and just waits. She's great with her charger, and she loves using it, but she also knows the truth, which is that if she ever got caught off guard, she'd never be able to win a fight with her charger close range. So, when one of her old squadmates comes down where she's hiding looking for her, she gets a snipe on them, and kills them. She'd rather not pick fights in the first place, but she knew that anyone after her would be carrying an Octo Shot on them, and a short range, quick kill weapon like that is exactly what she needs, so she rationalizes this as being a necessary act for her own survival.

Once the manhunt calms down, Parker gets herself into a strict routine. Despite having now left the military, she still holds herself to a lot of the same standards, waking up and going to bed on a very tight schedule, always making sure to stay up to date on her skills with her weapons, and a varied daily workout. That said... she actually likes hiding out in her tiny little "apartment". She doesn't feel like a cog in the machine anymore, and while her strict schedule is, just as it says on the tin, strict, it's also hers, and her choice to enforce it, rather than blindly following someone elses schedule for her.

She knows the habits and routines of the soldiers in the area, and also knows when best to raid their camps. She tries not to rely on them for food supplies, as while it's a good backup, she feels that learning to scavenge on her own is much more reliable, as if active combat ever does start, these routines might change unpredictably. That said, she still tends to grab rations whenever she does decide to raid soldiers camps, along with a few other items, such as her prized possession, a deck of playing cards in decent condition, and after a solid two days of planning, even managing to steal an entire mattress and drag it back to her room so that she can sleep a little better.

It's through her knowledge of the soldiers routines that she knows when there's something wrong, and when there's someone where they shouldn't be. She's out on one of her food scavenging outings when she spots Jake, wandering around aimlessly. She sneaks up on him, holds him at gunpoint, and demands to know his rank and why he's out here. She suspects he isn't a soldier, given his outfit being very old, yet casual clothing, the fact he's not carrying a weapon, and how he's wandering around outside of the known soldiers schedules, but she knows for sure he isn't one when he lies about his rank... and answers with something that doesn't even make sense. While Parker had dealt with her fair share of runaways and deserters in the military, she'd yet to see any this deep in the sewers, and certainly not any ballsy enough to lie to someone with a gun to their back.

She drops her guard a little, knowing Jake is blatantly lying about being a soldier, and lets him in on the fact she knows that. Jake asks what she's doing out here, what sort of soldier would lower their guard learning that someone they don't recognize out alone isn't associated with them and is willing to lie about it, and Parker's upfront about it! She's a military deserter, and while it's clear Jake isn't a military deserter, she can tell he's a runaway and in a similar situation that she is. The two end up talking for a while, as while Parker definitely enjoys her weird little life she lives nowadays, she definitely does miss talking to others, and Jake hasn't spoken to anyone, period, in well over a year.

At the end of their conversation, Parker tells Jake that, for at least the next week, she'd like to meet back up here, and that if he wants to agree to that, she'll bring some food with her and they can eat lunch together, or, at least, whatever the closest to "lunch" is that they can get. Jake immedeietly agrees, and the two meet up every day at the same time for a week. However, what Jake didn't know was that this was all a test, Parker wanted to know if she actually could trust him, and after the minimum amount of time she felt like she needed to be able to tell if she could, she invites him to come live with her. While she enjoys relying solely on herself for survival, it's tiring, and she feels that having a roommate would really help and give her some company, and hopefully some more free time as well! Jake doesn't even hesitate, he's been miserable and barely surviving, while Parker's clearly doing well for herself, so he jumps at the chance to even just have a safe place to sleep, having someone around to help scavenge for food, supplies, and just someone to be around who doesn't want to turn him in the cops is a massive bonus.

So, they move in together. It's definitely a tough adjustment, as firstly, there's only a single mattress, and even if Parker could steal another, there's not even room for one, as their "apartment" would then be fully used up in terms of space, so instead Jake sleeps on whatever clothes they're not actively using, and gets to sleep on the mattress whenever Parker's out on her daily chores. Secondly, even if they did have a second mattress, their sleep schedules drastically conflict, with Parker ending up routinely kicking Jake in the chest at 5am, having forgotten she shares her room now. But, luckily for them, they actually find themselves getting along surprisingly well. Parker found the other soldiers always too stiff and miserable, but Jake is anything but, he's funny and there's no expectation on him to treat her like a soldier, she's just... someone he knows! Jake also quite likes her in return, they're both decently competitive people, but Jake has no skills to back it up, and Parker is absolutely willing to poke fun at him for it, and he enjoys the banter she brings to the conversation, it's something he's been sorely missing in his year of isolation.

Once they get over the adjustment period of getting used to living with each other, they end both end up getting into a good routine, sharing the various tasks they need done between each other, and Parker even gets Jake to come out and work out with her a bit, as well as making him spar with her a bit so that he doesn't completely flounder around with weaponry like he did before. That said, Parker isn't just having him do target practice just for the sake of poking fun when he misses shots, she wants to make sure he's prepared in case anything ever happens. She's very confident with both her beloved Splat Charger as well as her Octo Shot, but Jake, while he can somewhat work the Octo Shot competently, can't aim to save his life... of which might be very literal, should anything ever happen. Whenever just one of them leaves their apartment, they take the Octo Shot for protection, and Parker wants Jake to be able to handle himself should anything happen to her, and the Octo Shot be unavailable to him. Jake adapts surprisingly well to life like this, though his aim is always subpar, but he still doesn't want it to be forever. His entire reason for being a runaway was because he wanted to make it to the surface, but in his run from the cops after getting outed, only managed to get deeper into the domes, rather than closer to the surface.

But... even with his desire to get to the surface, it's only a year or so after moving in with her, that Jake ends up putting that want to the side. Parker doesn't really want to go the surface, she's happy in her routine and her life here, and Jake's happy with her, so while he still wants to see the surface, he realizes that the odds of them ever successfully making it out are slim, and he'd honestly rather stay with her and live in hiding than risk everything just for the surface.

At some point, one that neither of them are really able to pin down exactly, their dynamic shifts from platonic to romantic, but ultimately it stays largely the same, as there's not much change to be had when they live in a tiny maintenance closet hidden deep within an abandoned sewer system, other than Jake actually getting to sleep on their shared mattress now... though it's so awful that really it's more just a symbolic matter that they sleep on it together now, it's only a tiny bit better than just the pile of clothes and hard concrete flooring from before.

They live like this for a good chunk of years together, with everything staying mostly the same, they know the routines of the soldiers, and the routines of themselves, and as long as it stays relatively the same, they'll be okay. Of course, it won't stay the same. While the sewers were used relatively frequently by the soldiers in the area, patrols and supply routes only went out once a week, twice depending on the month, but without much warning, sudden upticks in soldier patrols happen. Unbeknownst to both Parker and Jake, the sewer system is actually a direct line between supply routes and the Deepsea Metro, which is suddenly rising in activity. Neither know what to make of it, with patrols of soldiers happening on unpredictable schedules now, and with more and more of them in each patrol. They both resolve to keep a better eye out, but it's not like they can stop leaving, they rely on scavenging for food, so they still have to go out.

It's while she's out rinsing out some of their clothes in a broken water line they use for washing and drinking that Parker finally slips up. She's spotted by a patrol of sanitized Octoling soldiers, and swiftly ambushed. While she puts up a good fight, she's outnumbered, and caught off guard, and ends up very severely beaten. Her injuries are to the extent that she couldn't be salvaged as a test subject for Kamobo, and is instead just sanitized. If she can't be a subject, she can at least serve some purpose to the metro as one of their soldiers. It takes a while for the sanitization to really set in, but after around two weeks, she's sent out on a patrol to ferry more supplies. However, since she's so freshly sanitized, she ends up wandering off from her patrol, going off of base instinct, and wanders back home.

At this point, Jake's long since noticed her absence. He doesn't know what happened to her, or why, but he's spent every moment he possibly can desperately looking for her, in spite of the risks of it all. When he spots a soldier lingering in the hallways near the entrance to their apartment, he grabs Parker's trusty charger, and takes aim. However, once he gets a good look, he realizes exactly who it is, and runs out, yelling for Parker, asking where she's been and saying how glad he is that she's home! And then she beats him half to death.

He's so caught up in the joy of seeing her again that he fails to properly notice the sanitization before it's already too late, and she attacks him. He actually does manage to use her charger to physically block her attack, but she ends up using her old Octo Shot to ram into her charger that he's using to block with enough force to physically snap it in half, and from there, Jake can barely put up a fight.

However, it's not as bad for him as it was for her. Parker had an entire patrols worth of soldiers ambushing her, while Jake only had Parker, so when she brings him back to the metro, he is in good enough condition for Kamobo to use him as a test subject, so the process of wiping his memories begins, while Parker's assigned to menial soldiers duties again. Jake ends up being saved, however, as Kamobo is destroyed before he's ready to be properly used as a test subject, meaning that the majority of his memories are untouched, and he's able to be rescued and hospitalized in the aftermath. What he doesn't realize, though, is that the memories that did get affected, are the most recent ones... meaning that everything in the aftermath of his initial escape from the cops is completely gone, including his years with Parker. To him, he's basically been reset to the person he was at 17, all the while, a still sanitized Parker aimlessly wanders the metro.

...and then, just like how I ended the last Mega Autism Post(tm), Parker gets the same treatment. There's still more to be done with her, but the part of the plot where she becomes relevant again is actually a lot more heavily tied to May, and especially portions of the plot for May that haven't been properly delved into, so all of that gets saved for another day <3

Also, just for fun, here's the alt version of the headshot above, with her sanitized colors <3

[florilegia-or-what-you-will]

Commonplace Songs

So. Here’s the thing. I have a bad habit of skimming, especially when I’m reading rubrics. I don’t notice I’m doing it but it can mean I miss important bits of information, such as the part about your last entry being a 250 word retrospective. Luckily I am aware of this deficiency of mine so I tend to check my rubrics periodically to make sure I haven’t missed anything. So I wrote the post. But. Before I realized there was a set end to the life of this blog I still intended my own form of wrap-up. I decided to make a playlist with at least one song per reading from this class. Even after I knew I just had to write a lil paragraph I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so here is the playlist anyway. [Commonplace Songs] Obviously it would be a bit of a time commitment to listen to the whole thing, so this was mostly just for my own enjoyment, but I had too much fun not to share. Notes for each song under the cut.

Abbess Hild & Caedmon, & Caedmon’s Hymn - Sisters of Mercy - Leonard Cohen

This one was honestly one of the most difficult to figure out. I generally struggled most to find songs for the explicitly religious texts, but I think this one works pretty well if you think of it as being from Caedmon’s perspective.

The Exeter Book Riddles - The Riddle Song - Joan Baez | Scarborough Fair - Simon and Garfunkel

These are cheating a little I know, since they both have very old origins themselves. I did consider including Schubert’s Swansong as a reference to Riddle 7, but I’ve tried to stick with songs that have lyrics.

The Wanderer - Man of Constant Sorrow - Joan Baez

Man of Constant Sorrow is really a modern version of The Wanderer to me. An exile “bound to ramble” away from their loved ones, unable to see them again in this life.

Deor - This Too Shall Pass - Danny Schmidt

This one is obvious from the title, and she makes rings! What more could you ask?

The Wife’s Lament - You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield | One Too Many Mornings - Joan Baez

You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me really captures the tragedy of still being in love with someone who’s abandoned you. I think the desire for physical proximity really works with The Wife’s Lament. One Too Many Mornings works for the feeling of physical, but more importantly, temporal distance. The tortuous, and at the same time mundane passing of time, and the feeling of it being too late.

Wulf and Eadwacer - Farewell Wanderlust - The Amazing Devil

I struggled with this one. Another song considered was Better Man by Pearl Jam but I think Farewell Wanderlust works better even if it's less specific. It's got the anger, frustration, heartbreak, and defeat going for it. 

Dream of the Rood - The Becoming - Nine Inch Nails 

I decided no church music was allowed which made this one harder. I decided to lean into the slight body horror of the description of the cross shifting between bloodstained and bejewelled. Also: “He’s covered with scabs he’s broken and sore” just like Jesus! Obviously this doesn’t really suit the glorious tone the poem was going for, but I personally found the poem a bit unsettling.

Judith - Glory and Gore - Lorde | The Dismemberment Song - Blue Kid

Glory and Gore definitely fits the tone of the poem best, it's hard to explain why without going line by line, but trust me this one is exceptionally good for Judith. The Dismemberment Song is here even though it's not quite right, because it was suggested to me and it made me laugh. Content warning though, it is very clinically detailed about, you know, dismemberment.

The Battle of Maldon - Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin

This one is pretty obvious right? I came so very close to including Waterloo by ABBA as well, but I do have some restraint.

History of the Kings of Britain - Set Fire to the Rain - Adele | Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

Set Fire to the Rain is for Igerna. All that love, and vulnerability, and secrets, and distrust. This song is just about Igerna to me now, it's pretty perfect for her. Everybody Wants to Rule the World works really well for Arthurian legend. “Nothing ever lasts forever, everybody wants to rule the world”

The Mabinogi - Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac | She’s Always A Woman - Billy Joel

Rhiannon is ludicrously obvious, I don’t think I need to explain. She’s Always A Woman is also about Rhiannon, specifically how Pwyll defends her and keeps her as his queen even though everyone is against her.

Lanval - Who is She? - I Monster | Come Wander With Me - Jeff Alexander

I feel like a magical woman appearing out of nowhere to be your girlfriend would actually be pretty trippy, hence Who is She? Come Wander With Me is a bit more suitable tonally. Have fun wandering off, never to be seen again, Lanval!

Ancrene Wisse - Agoraphobia - Deerhunter

As you might expect, from a song called Agoraphobia, this works well for anchoresses. The lyrics match the actual daily life of an anchoress surprisingly well.

Middle English Lyrics - Luck Be a Lady - Frank Sinatra

With regard to The Lady Dame Fortune is both frende and foe

Sir Orfeo - Frozen Pines - Lord Huron | Word Spins Madly On - The Weepies

Frozen Pines captures the frozen-in-time-ness and its about seeking a lost loved one in the woods. It's perfect. World Spins Madly On works because time has also very much not frozen, and they are apart from one another, knowing, and at the same time not knowing, where the other is. Honourable mention to Nothing Takes the Place of You by Toussaint McCall, which just wasn’t quite right, but has a maturity the other two lack.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight I - Family Friend - The Vaccines

Poor Gawain is the only responsible adult at court. Jokes aside, this is a really good character song for Gawain.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight II-III - All in Green Went My Love Riding - Joan Baez

I’ve mentioned this one before. It's too perfect not to include.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight IV - Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons

Another character portrait for my favourite boy Gawain! This also works for him in Morte d’Arthur. He tries so hard, and always comes just a little bit short, and then blames himself mercilessly.

Canterbury Tales – General Prologue - Prologue: Into the Woods - Stephen Sondheim

I’ll be honest, I had no idea what to do for this one, but I committed to a song per reading. It does work well in a way. They are both prologues that introduce a billion archetypal characters at once, tell you what they want, and make fun of the a little. Sondheim could have done a kick-ass musical adaptation of The Canterbury Tales.

Piers Plowman – Prologue - Land of the Believer - The Weather Girls

Club music perilously close to gospel music, I wouldn’t be surprised if this genuinely was about Jesus and religion. I considered skipping Piers Plowman because we didn’t actually go over it in class, but I’m a completionist.

Chaucer – Canterbury Tales – The Miller’s Tale - You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi

Oh Absolon… I considered going with Tainted Love, but I needed a ridiculous song for a ridiculous story.

Chaucer – Canterbury Tales – The Miller’s Tale - Put the Blame on Mame - “Rita Hayeworth” Anita Ellis

On the other hand, Put the Blame on Mame is about a beautiful woman being blamed for disasters both natural and human, but which is supposed to, in my opinion, make you think about how ridiculous it is to actually blame a woman for that kind of thing.

Julian of Norwich – A Revelation of Love - Space Age Love Song - A Flock of Seagulls

I love taking songs that aren’t supposed to be about Jesus and making them about Jesus, and Jesus in the role of alien girlfriend is funny to me. That said, it does work really well for the transcendent vibe of medieval mysticism.

The Book of Margery Kempe - Crazy - Gnarls Barkley | Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode

I found it a bit difficult to take Margery seriously at first, because she is patently a ridiculous person, but is she really crazy just because others think she is? Trying to think of songs for her is actually what made me take more seriously what her life was like. She experienced many dangers and a lot of persecution for living her truth, hence Policy of Truth.

The Book of Margery Kempe - Sad Eyed  Lady of the Lowlands - Joan Baez

A singular, and shockingly untouchable woman.

Second Shepherd’s Play - Mack the Knife - Ella Fitzgerald | Sheep - Pink Floyd

I admit, these are both kind of joke songs, but they do work! Mack because Mac, sheep because sheep.

Second Shepherd’s Play - Under Pressure - Queen and David Bowie

The slightly more serious choice for this play. It matches the complaining of the shepherds at the beginning of the play, and it has references to prayer, and a desire for change that works given it is a nativity play.

Noah’s Flood - Rain on Me - Lady Gaga (feat. Ariana Grande)

Okay, hear me out. I know it's a club song, but it's actually perfect for Noah’s wife. I can’t go line by line, but it expresses disappointment with a relationship, be it with God or Noah, but it also expresses gratitude for being alive, even though they wish they were “dry” , a reference to rain, and alcohol.

The Crucifixion - Blowing’ in the Wind - Joan Baez

This one was really hard without just choosing a song literally about the crucifixion, which would be cheating. Blowing in the Wind is about ignorance and apathy to human suffering, which is also what characterises the Roman soldiers. Also, yes, I will pick the Joan Baez version of every song I can. Thank you for asking.

Mankind -  WWJD - The Axis of Awesome | Out of Touch - Hall and Oates

Mankind - Send Them Off! - Bastille

WWJD is another joke song, but you can’t tell me a group of demons in a morality play wouldn’t sing this. Like the demons in the play, it humorously pokes at a question people would really be asking about how they are supposed to ever live up to Jesus. Out of Touch and Send Them Off! are more straightforwardly readable as Mankind singing to/for Mercy.

Morte d’Arthur, book 1 - Tower Song - Martha Wainright | In the Blood (feat. Ashley Barrett) - Darren Korb

Tower Song is my other song for Igerna. It works along the same lines as Ste Fire to the Rain, but it's a little more vicious. I was torn about including In the Blood, even though it works well for Arthur, because of course it does, I transposed one young hero who is the future of his people, onto another. I still think the Arthurian angle changes the way the song reads enough for it to work, though.

Morte d’Arthur,  book 8 - Happy Ending - MIKA | Heavy Crown - Trixie Mattel

For Happy Ending, please see my previous post on Lancelot and Guinevere. Heavy Crown is for Arthur, “Winning’s losing with a couple strings [...] Gotta be the last to know”, I think it suits the melancholy of all the lost glory Camelot, and how inevitable the whole thing felt to Arthur the second he was confronted by Agravaine and Mordred about Guinevere and Lancelot

[ticklepinions]

10+ people that have all experienced the toxic friendship or simply seen how they treat most people are wrong then? That’s lovely to know that you know them so well considering how many people a 26 year old is disrespectful to.

Listen. Whether or not you agree with me being friends with them quite frankly is none of my concern. And I absolutely hate the passive aggressive pettiness I'm getting from you. Imagine if we all stopped associating with people the minute they make a mistake or slip up. We'd be lonely af because there would be no one to call a friend.

You don't vibe with them. Okay sorry to hear that? Just leave it alone then???? Like damn people can change and get better too you know? Not saying that they're bad people cause they are not. They're just humans just like you. Capable of both good and bad things. I'm not abandoning the friendship because of the bad. Like yes they're limits and boundaries to that but for the most part no. Sorry to hear that your experiences were bad but why spread this hate around. Like honeslty why.

A lot of my friends do things that I don't agree with or like. But obviously the good outweigh the bad which is why I still see them as friends. If that changes then I can end the friendship if I want to. And if they mess up or cross my boundaries I can address it and communicate that issue. One person's trash is another person's treasure. I have 0 problems with both of them so why would I resort to this hate train that you're on? Just move on, heal from the hurt they may have caused you. I can be friends with "problematic" people without it having to mean I'm terrible by association. I just hate giving up on people because I would hate it if that were done to me. Why are you so obsessed with what I'm doing with my life bro lol? All this drama for what? And ofc this is an anon.

My thing is, you might as well go big or go home. Since you choose to spread hate why not just send the ask off of anon. You'll probably get a lot more clout that way.

I feel like maybe a bit of projecting is going on because its quite toxic of you to come on my blog. Fully knowing they follow me. Knowing that if I post the asks you send, they'll see it. What was your end goal here? Did you want me to join the hate and then blast them and make them all miserable? Cause honestly that's quite sad if you ask me. You could be doing so many other things that are actually beneficial but instead you're wasting your weekend on this...