#(ive seen someone like that before online. lmao)

[bowtiestash]

god. i watched one ep of helluva boss and i wanna post my thoughts here.

i fucking hated it, man. i unironically find it cringe i really dont wanna be that guy thats like, "ITS CRINGE!!!" but the humor just doesnt click with me (i dont even know if its supposed to be funny).

and the thing about this show that irks me is that the show is Very Adult but it looks to be its targetted for edgy teens. which makes me kinda uncomfortable...?? i honestly dont know how this show is so fuckin popular, man. at least from what i can tell from the first ep, it just made me die inside from how... Overly Edgy and Corny it was.

[captainfern]

this is a request but i accidentally deleted it 😭

“hi babes. ur work is amazing but im sure you know this. im also sure you have lots of requests so please take your time getting to this one. but I was wonderingggg if you could do one where price is the friend of the readers dad? they've been hooking up in secret for a while but at a little house party, they sneak into someplace private and do the deed. ive seen so many other ffs about this with other characters so ikkkk price would fit this. thank you again <33”

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Marigold

dbf!Captain John Price x fem!reader

[“Marigold” by Nirvana]

[18+]

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• summary - price is your dads best friend. he asks you to meet him upstairs during a party. you fuck lol. • rating - 18+ • wordcount - 4.4k • warnings - fem!reader, dad’sbestfriend!price, established relationship? kinda?, unprotected piv, age gap [whatever you want it to be as long as it's legal lmao], fingering, recording [consensual], oral [f!receiving], praise, strong language

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You fidgeted with the hem of your dress, looking at yourself in the mirror. You ran your hands down the fabric, smoothing the wrinkles, smiling at yourself. You looked fucking good.

Downstairs, a big neighbourhood party was in full swing— something organised by your father. It was a comfortable get together to unwind before the summer holidays, complete with all of your neighbours from down the street, and even across the block.

The dress you were wearing was new. You brought it recently, actually. You liked to convince yourself you got it because you were treating yourself, but in reality, it may or may not have been a 2am online purchase after a considerable emotional breakdown. But hey, same thing, right?

It was shorter than you thought, mid-thigh, if that. The colour was pretty too, your favourite. It complimented the complexion of your skin, accentuating your figure, showing off a significant amount of leg. You smiled at yourself, doing a quick twirl.

Hot as fuck.

The party was bustling. You had arrived home late, apologising profusely to your dad before rushing upstairs to get ready. So, over the gentle thrum of the music, you weren't surprised to hear your dad call your name, hurrying you to come and greet the guests.

You bounded down the stairs, dress fluttering against your thighs, and made your way into the kitchen. You tried not to feel awkward when copious pairs of eyes turned to look at you as you shuffled towards your dad. He put an arm around your shoulders, holding you to his side for a moment, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

"There you are. Come say hi to everyone."

You did. Humming along to the music as you went, you individually greeted each of the guests. You plastered on your best people-pleasing smile, responding cheerily to the same fifty fucking questions everyone asked you.

How are you? How is work? Have you figured out what you want to do? Any plans for the future? Met anyone special?

By the time you made it to the edge of your living room towards the other side of the house, you felt a headache coming on. So, you excused yourself back into the kitchen to get a large glass of water. Your father was just departing, leading the congregation of neighbours outside. By the smell of it, someone was on the barbecue.

You were left, alone, in the kitchen, nursing a cold glass of water, listening to the music you were skeptical your dad had actually chosen. There were some good songs, surprisingly.

You placed your glass away as your dad walked in, heading for the sink. He wriggled in next to you, rinsing his hands under the water.

"You okay, honey?"

You nodded. "I'm fine."

He smiled at you, drying his hands on a towel nearby. As he did that, the doorbell rung, echoing through the house, just audible over the music.

"Oh, can you get that? I just need to take these outside..." Your dad said, scooping a couple of extra wine bottles off the counter and heading outside.

You walked through the house, heading to the front door. You opened it with a polite smile spread across your features. It drooped slightly, catching sight of the man on your front porch.

"Captain Price." It was meant to be a greeting, but it sounded more as if you were stating a fact.

He offered you a small smile, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He had a bottle of whiskey tucked beneath his arm.

"You just never want to call me by my first name, do you, sweetheart?" He chuckled as you stepped to the side, allowing him entrance.

You blinked after his form— strong, hulking shoulders, a lean abdomen paired with a slight narrow in his waist— as he meandered into the entrance hall.

"John makes you sound old." You quipped as you followed him into the kitchen.

He laughed. "I am old."

"Not that old." You said.

It was somewhat true. He was a similar age to your father, and they were best friends. They'd been in the military together before your dad retired to have a family. Price had always checked in on him, especially when he had time off work. You had known him for a while. Met him a couple of times when you were really young— not that you could remember, anyway— and then you saw him a bit more frequently as you got older. You hadn't seen him for a while up until today. Captain John Price is a busy man.

You felt your body begin to heat up once the pair of you were in the kitchen.

Well, the last time you saw him was a couple of weeks ago, before he was set to be deployed to some foreign country—

"That's it, thaaaat's it, don't talk sweetheart, just take it," Price whispered in your ear, chest pressed to your back. "Don't talk. Just take my cock, there you go. Take it, love. Doing so good for me."

He had you bent over his kitchen counter, his house dark around you, the early hours of the morning apparent by the inky black sky visible out of his windows.

You couldn't talk, even if you tried. You had been trying to whimper to him, moan his name and his rank and tell him what you wanted, but you couldn't get the words out of your mouth. He had left you speechless with the way he continuously hit that spongey spot inside you, making you tighten and gush around him.

Bodies flush together, sweat accumulating between you. Your skin was on fire, hands and tits flush with the cool countertop as he fucked his cock into you, harder and harder, your knees smacking the underside cabinetry. His grip on your hips was vice-like, keeping you steady, his pelvis smacking into your arse.

"S'this my going away present, sweetheart?" He chuckled as you choked on another string of moans caught in your throat. "Fucking perfect. I better get another one once I'm back, yeah?"

You nodded deliriously, finding your voice. "Yes, Price, fuck, I promise, I promise—"

Price cleared his throat, snapping you out of your little flash back. He leaned against the kitchen island, hip bracing against it, having placed the bottle of whiskey down. He folded his arms across his broad chest, arms looking especially good in his black jacket.

"Your dad around?" He asked.

You nodded towards the backyard. "Yeah, he's outside. Did you want me to go get h—?"

You were cut off as Price grabbed your wrist and pulled you to him, pressing your body to his. Quickly, he cupped your jaw and placed his mouth to yours, backing your lower back up against the counter. You had your hands against his chest as his tongue slipped into your mouth, one hand on your jaw and the other balled at your hip. He pinched the fabric of your dress between his knuckles, still keeping his fingers tucked into a fist.

Just as you whined into the kiss, your hands travelling upwards, Price stepped back. Commotion outside drew him right across the kitchen as the back door opened and your father came in. You discreetly wiped your face. So did Price.

That was unexpected.

Your dads eyes lit up when he saw Price, and Price smiled at him.

"John! Didn't think you'd make it!" Your dad beamed, pulling Price into a hug.

Price slapped your dad a couple of times on the back before they released each other.

"I flew in last night," Price admitted. "I won't stay long. Just thought I'd pop in and say hi. Oh, I also brought this."

Casually, Price stepped past you and grabbed the bottle of whiskey off of the counter behind you. You breathed in his cologne as he passed the bottle to your dad. You had to force yourself not to close your eyes and whine.

"Jesus, mate, this is an expensive bottle. You shouldn't have."

"No worries, mate. Enjoy it." Price replied.

Your dad turned to you, showing you the bottle, and you had to pretend like it was the coolest thing ever, since your dad seemed absolutely ecstatic.

"You see this, honey? This is good stuff."

"Oh, I bet." You said.

Your dad turned to put the whiskey in a cabinet nearby. When he turned back around, he let his eyes fall on to you, and his gaze softened, a small smile still evident on his face.

"I didn't say earlier, but that's a really nice dress. Nice colour, too. You look beautiful." Your dad said.

You felt your lips quirk at the edges as you hid a bashful smile. "Oh, thanks."

Your dad nudged Price. "It's a nice colour, don't you reckon, John? Reminds me of our deployment in Damascus. Remember? That nice lady selling all those shawls..."

You could tell Price wasn't really listening to your dads military-era story. His eyes were on you. It felt like he was absorbing you whole. Eyes darkening, raking up and down your body, admiring both the dress and the way it clung to you. The pinpoint of his tongue darted across his lips as his gaze travelled upwards from your legs, resting now on your face. You cocked your head at him, ever so slightly, biting your bottom lip for a second. He followed the movement, blinking and looking away, clearing his throat as his cheeks dusted a light shade of pink.

"Yeah, nice colour. Suits you." He grumbled.

After a moment, your dad led Price outside and you watched them go. Your body thrummed in time with the music, buzzing from where Price had touched you just mere minutes ago. You felt warm.

•º•

An hour or so later, the congregation of people had moved back inside, happy and full after the food outside. Darkness had fallen now, music still loud and just slightly vibrating the drinks resting on the counter in front of you.

You were talking with your neighbour, a girl just a few years older than you, who you had known for quite some time. The conversation was actually nice, and you found yourself enjoying it. Until she had to leave, and you were once again left standing alone in the kitchen. Until, of course, Price sidled up beside you, still a respectable distance away.

"Meet me upstairs. Give it a minute, though." Was all he said before he vanished from the room.

No greeting, or small talk. Straight to the fucking point, clearly.

You downed the rest of your drink, letting a good long couple of minutes pass before you decided to head up the stairs. As you ascended, you looked around, seeing no one paying you much attention. Your dad was on the couch, telling a good dozen people one of his usual thrilling stories of his time in the military. You smiled to yourself as you reached the top of the stairs.

You made your way into your bedroom, humming to yourself. You didn't see Price straight away, so you flinched when he slammed the door closed behind you, jamming your desk chair beneath it to keep it locked— it was an old house, with no locks on the bedroom doors— and striding across the room.

You had no time to react as he put a hand to the back of your neck, holding gently but firmly, and pressing your mouth to his. You whined desperately, folding your arms along his shoulders and carding your fingers into his hair, knocking his woollen hat off. He wasted no time in shoving his tongue into your mouth, smoothing it against yours, drawing soft noises from your throat.

He walked you backwards until you both fell against the bed, him overtop of you. He didn't once break the kiss, even when he used one hand to pry your legs apart, forcing them to hook around his hips as he pushed you further onto the bed, crawling after you.

"Missed you." You whispered, pleasure straining each syllable. He had broken away from your mouth, kissing along the curve of your jaw and down the expanse of your throat. He nipped at the soft skin of your neck, licking along your collarbone, still heading southward. He got to the neckline of your dress, pressed taut to the swell of your breasts, rising rapidly as you breathed. He ran kisses along the soft flesh, running his hands up and down your waist, revelling in the softness of the fabric and the warmth of your skin beneath.

"Such a pretty fucking dress," He muttered, teeth skimming the line of the fabric. "Took everything in me not to flip it up and fuck you in it... right there in that kitchen."

He yanked it down, letting your tits spill out before him. With a soft grumble in his throat, he pressed his mouth to your left one, drawing your nipple into his mouth, circling it with his tongue. He looked up at you whilst he did it, admiring the way your eyes fluttered, struggling to maintain eye contact as the pleasure built.

After a moment, he released it with a slick pop and moved to your right tit, mimicking his earlier actions. You moaned his name, gripping his hair, massaging his scalp. He groaned, mouth wet and hot against your delicate flesh. His hands had moved now— one running up to cup and massage your tits as he sucked, and the other travelling down the length of your body.

Your body hummed in anticipation, tingling as he gently flipped the bottom of your dress up, exposing your underwear. Still sucking kisses onto the mounds of your breasts, he dipped his hand past the hem of your underwear. Two fingers made contact with your slick core, and you arched further into his mouth, moaning loudly.

"Fuck me, you're soaked," Price grunted, releasing your swollen nipple and sitting back on his haunches.

Impatiently, he yanked his hand out of your underwear and ripped them away, the cotton snapping against your thighs, breaking with a loud tear. You whimpered as Price stuffed the material into his jacket pocket, swiftly pushing his fingers back towards your core.

They ran up and down your slit, collecting the excess arousal that was drooling from your cunt. He slowly dragged the digits through your folds a couple of times before he pressed the tips to your clit, drawing tight circles. You gasped, arching for him, moaning his rank as he replaced the two fingers with his thumb. His two fingers were immediately at your dripping entrance, circling.

"So wet, sweetheart. Absolutely dripping," He mused. "What's got you all wet and needy?”

You mewled at him, sensation-overload and he had barely started. Your tits were slick with his saliva, cold in the air of your room. He was still circling your clit, your arousal making his movements audible if you listened hard enough. The music downstairs was dull and echoey, as if you were underwater. Then, his two fingers, the tips barely grazing your soaking hole. You could scream.

"Eh, sweetheart? What's got you soaking your pretty little underwear, hm?" Price asked, still giving your clit attention.

"You." You whine.

"Me?" Price chuckled. "What about me?"

'You're... you're making me wet, Price," you almost sob. "Need you so bad. I missed you."

Price liked that answer, clearly. He pushed two fingers into your cunt, letting out a breathy moan as your silky walls clamped around the digits. You keened, whimpering like some kind of wounded animal as he buried his fingers to the knuckle before dragging them all the way back out. He plunged them in again, and a pace began, almost in time with the base of whatever song was playing downstairs.

"This my welcome home present?" He asked, shoving his fingers repeatedly into your tight cunt, wet sounds reverberating around your bedroom.

You nodded. "Yeah. M-missed you—"

Your lower stomach was tingling, coiling tight. Already? Fucking hell.

"Missed you too, sweetheart," Price leaned up to press a chaste kiss to your lips. "Couldn't get this pretty face outta my head. Couldn't get this pretty cunt outta my head, either."

He leaned back, settling on his ankles as he watched his fingers drag in and out of you, coaxing wave after wave of slick from the depths of your cunt. He moaned, really fucking loudly, at the sight.

"Can I... can I take a video?" Price asked, breathless.

You felt yourself burning up, stomach flipping. You nodded, whining a "yeah" as he reached into the pocket of his jeans and fished out his phone. His fingers slowed for just a moment as he readied his phones camera.

"Wish I had a video when I was deployed," he whispered, more to himself than you. "Had to rely on my imagination."

His words made you moan.

"Yeah, just had to remember those pretty sounds you make, and the sight of this pretty cunt stretched out around my cock," He groaned, turning the flash on to combat the hazy lighting in your bedroom. "Came all over my hand imagining it was this cunt 'round my cock."

He hit record as the movements of his finger sped up. You mewled, whining, arching off the bed and pushing your aching core further onto his hand as he fucked his fingers into you, thumb rubbing tightly against your puffy, wet clit. The sounds were obscene, like foley sound effects, soft squelches with each push of his fingers. You could feel your arousal pooling out of you, down the soft skin of your thighs, across the curve of your arse, bleeding into the sheets beneath you. You imagined that Price's hand would be absolutely drenched.

He was making soft, deep noises in the back of his throat, watching his fingers, phone focused on their movements. He flicked his eyes up to your face, not moving the camera though. Your facial expressions were easy to remember— chewing at your bottom lip, slight furrow in your brow, lips puffy and wet with saliva, eyelids fluttering. That was for his mind only.

You moaned, breathy and high-pitched.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"Gonna... gonna cum."

He withheld a moan at the sound of your sweet desperation. It made his cock throb angrily within the confines of his boxers, already painfully hard the moment he had pushed you onto the bed.

"Go on then, pretty girl. Cum 'round my fingers," He muttered, and you did— creaming around him with a violent twitching of your legs, cunt spasming around his fingers in a burst of arousal, splattering up the length of his forearm. He smiled lazily behind his phone, muttering; "That's a good girl."

"Price—!" You cried, halfway between a moan and a sob.

He hit stop, tossing his phone aside and pulling your thighs apart. Nestling himself between them, his breath fanned out across your soaking folds. You tried to lift yourself off the mattress to see what he was doing, but you couldn't. When his warm tongue licked a fat stripe up your sensitive slit, you flopped backwards.

There wasn't as much foreplay as usual… in the sense that Price shoved his tongue directly into your drooling cunt. He ignored your overstimulated clit, probably for the best, as he lapped at the arousal that was still leaking from you. He moaned happily against your folds, nose pressed just below your clit. It nudged the swollen bundle of nerves every few seconds, and it made your hips buck, electricity zapping the base of your tummy.

You had both hands in his hair, pulling him closer and urging him on. You tugged gently at the strands, massaging his scalp, making him grumble appreciatively below you. His hands were hard and warm against your thighs, making you tingle. Your tits were still exposed, the rest of your dress pooling around your waist.

You could still hear the rest of the party happening downstairs. A small jolt of fear passed through you. If anyone— especially your dad— came searching for you, you'd be fucking dead. Whoever it may be, would find you spread out on your back on your bed, legs spread and panting, a man probably more than twice your age between your thighs, eating you out like his life depended on it.

The fear turned to thrill, and you released a shaky breath.

Your second orgasm rolled over you quickly, and Price dragged it from you with a moan of your name against your cunt. You keened, uttering a sickly sweet "captain!" before coming in his mouth.

"Fuck, yeah, that's it." He murmured against your folds, sucking up the arousal that pooled at your fluttering hole. It always made you embarrassed, the way he literally talked into your cunt, his words vibrating your core. He groaned again, humping against your bed covers, pressing the outline of his aching cock into your mattress. "Such a good, wet cunt. Tastes fucking divine."

He pulled away. You watched him hazily as he shed his shirt and pants, then his boxers, his hard cock bobbing against his stomach. You salivated at the sight as he gripped himself, moving to scoop some of your arousal into his hand. He coated himself in it, pumping his hard length, eyes raking down your body.

"So beautiful, sweetheart," he murmured, leaning over you and kissing you again. His cock settled at your entrance, fat head leaking pre-cum onto your already glistening folds. "Just made for me, weren't you?"

You hummed your agreement, barely able to keep your eyes open. He kissed you again, tongue probing, hot and wet. You whimpered, feeling his tongue skim your bottom lip, drawing further desperate sounds from your panting mouth.

Price cursed. "Fuck. Can I record another video?"

You nodded.

"Words, sweetheart, come on. You should know that."

"Yeah, okay," you said sheepishly. "You can record again."

He kissed your nose, then shuffled back, grabbing his phone as he kneeled between your spread legs. He flicked it to his camera, flash on and hitting record. His phone followed the movements of his cockhead, rubbing up your slit, smearing your arousal. Then, with no warning other than a shallow, animalistic grunt from the depths of his chest, Price pushed his cock into you.

He tried not to cum on the spot at the way you tossed your head back, moaning as your silken walls clamped around his cock. Your fists balled your sheets, twisting, as you scrambled for some kind of anchorage as he pulled out and thrusted back in, shunting you up the bed.

His pace was gruelling, sticky skin colliding with a wet fap fap fap. Your eyes rolled, mouth agape as breathy strings of whimpers fell from your lips. His cockhead nudged the plug of your womb, slamming into that spot that had you twitching and spasming.

"My good girl, my fucking good girl, look at you, taking me so well," Price muttered, definitely audible on camera. You clenched around him repeatedly, drawing throaty grunts from him. Your third orgasm was, not surprisingly, approaching quickly. Really fucking quickly. Especially when Price moved his free hand from your waist to toy with your puffy clit, giving it a light pinch before circling it. You sobbed out, clawing at the sheets.

"Captain, please—!"

"Fuck... beg for it... please, sweetheart, fucking beg for it." By the way Price was speaking, he was close.

Your cunt throbbed at that, a whine in his words.

"Please, Price, need to cum. Can I? P-please—fuck—please, captain, need to—"

He groaned, trying to mute himself as much as he could, sinking his top teeth into his bottom lip before urging himself to speak.

"Go on then. Cum 'round my cock," Price uttered lowly, eyes focused on your face. He could watch his cock fucking into your slick cunt whenever he wanted. He just wanted to see your beautiful face. "Good girl, that's it. You can cum. Let go for me, sweetheart."

"Oh my god, Price—" you keened, third orgasm slamming into you and sending you spiralling. White hot, body alight, nerves buzzing as you came around his cock, still burning hot inside you, abusing the plug of your womb.

"Fucking beautiful," Price grunted, still recording the way your cunt stretched taut around his girth, splattering wet across his pelvis.

He was close, twitching inside you. He was pawing at the mound of your belly, pressing his palm to where the imprint of his cock was visible, so fucking deep inside you. He moaned at the sight, salivating, hiking your dress up further to get a better view.

Overstimulation was creeping in. You whined, reaching down to skirt your fingernails across Price's bare abdomen.

"Please, Price, cum for me," you whimpered, voice coming out unusually sultry. "Cum inside me, please, captain."

"Holy fuck—" Price stuttered, spilling inside you instantly.

His warmth flooded you, spurting around his cock, dribbling out of your cunt. He spilled ropes and ropes, hot white ichor, filling your womb as you sobbed for him.

Price tossed his phone to the side, immediately dragging himself up your body, cock still inside. He pressed kisses all over your face, soothing you, the both of you shining with sweat. Your bare tits pressed against his bare chest as he whispered sweet words of affirmation in your ear.

You sighed.

There really wasn't any other man, your age or not, like Captain John Price.

"You alright?" He asked, kissing your earlobe, your jaw, your cheek, your nose, then finally your lips.

You smiled, his facial hair tickling your face. "Mhm."

"Good." He nuzzled into the crook of your neck, sucking at the skin.

"You had fun filming your little videos?" You cooed, stroking a hand through his hair.

He grunted against your neck. "Of course. Straight to the wank bank they go, sweetheart."

You snorted, laughing. "For such an old man, you are so immature."

"I'm not an old man."

"You said you were earlier," you smiled. "Surprised you can still get it up."

"Fucking hell. You and Soap'd get along."

Your mischievous grin grew. "Oh, the one with the mohawk? Sexy—"

Price bit at your neck, making you yelp. He grumbled, "Don't push it."

You laughed, patting his head. You both lay in silence for a little while, listening to the dull, far-away vibrations of the music.

"We should probably rejoin the party..." You said in a disappointed mumble.

Price grunted, hugging you tighter. "Five minutes."

"Enough for round two, old man?"

"Don't tempt me, sweetheart."

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This was meant to be longer and a bit fluffier but I got tired and horny so here you go hope you enjoyed mwah mwah xx

[spitdrunken]

i keep thinking about essentially being like. velvette's 'charity case' model and how your relationship develops from there.

notes: fem!reader, velvette calls you ugly LMAO, beyond that... no warnings, really. surprisingly the most healthy vee relationship ive written yet!

velvette's typical models all look similar, reminiscent of the modeling industry back when you were alive. tall, skinny and, more important than anything else, human-looking. most of them could pass for humans in a costume.

you… do not. you just didn't get quite that lucky with your demon form! really, you can say that the vast majority of people drew the short end of the stick, at least by the kind of standards that people like velvette set. maybe you're a bat, with a snout you've deemed as pig-like taking up most of your face. or a sheep, your single-slitted, dead eyes making even you uncomfortable. perhaps you're more formed after an object than what you would consider a person, or plant-like in nature! in any regards, due to the way lucifer chose to have you reborn you firmly do not fall within hell's beauty standards.

all of that means you were absolutely not expecting to be accepted when you went ahead and applied to a job with someone as famous and perfectionistic as velvette. it had started as a joke, really. you'd posted a purposefully horrible picture of yourself on vitter, with a stupid caption like; "do u think that :skull::heart: would kill me for submitting to open casting looking like this lmaooooo" (you have to use emojis to talk about the vees, as the socials owned by them are notorious for taking anything remotely negative down.)

and unexpectedly, your post randomly did some pretty big numbers, with people egging you on and some practically begging to tell you what kind of insults she would sling at your head. you saw some people copying your original as well.

so you're like! whatever!!! you don't think that you'd even get through the application process, much less velvette herself. nothing will end up happening, so, who cares? but then, somehow, despite everyone and their mom wanting to model for velvette, you get… through? and you even get an interview scheduled with velvette herself?

she takes one look at you as you walk in, and just goes: oh my god. this really is grim. and you're hardly seated, before she continues. look, i don't have the time for niceties, and introductions are entirely unnecessary. i'm sure you already know this, but you're not here because of your looks.

yeah. you figured that. …i guessed so. but i'm still sitting here. so, why?

instead of getting a real answer, you're shuffled off into a shoot, different outfits flashing on top of your body, faster than you blink, velvette's face settled into a scowl, till it suddenly lights up. it doesn't go… super well, you've never really done this and, if you had, velvette's attitude surely wouldn't help. you never really get clarity as to why you're being hired, when a contract is shoved in front of you.

(the reality of the situation is that velvette had seen you trending, not trending-trending, but still a noticable. she realised the demand for someone like you, a 'relatable' every-demon being thrust into this new world, and documenting it online. her company can claim they accept 'all kinds of demons', and some poor suckers will feel less excluded when looking at her fashion, buying it more quickly. win-win-win!)

she tells you to you're face that you're the ultimate challenge. if she can fix someone like you up to in a half-decent model, it just shows that she really is a fucking goddess. maybe you're not as pretty or as used to everything as the rest of the models, but that doesn't mean you don't put in any effort now that you're there. the other girls won't associate with you whatsoever, but you do listen in on their conversations, pretending to mess around on your phone, coming to know the kind of make-up velvette likes. you tirelessly browse online, mostly on vikvok and vitter, figuring out the current trends. and after a while, velvette takes a look at an outfit you picked, and actually says…

this is pretty decent. it won't look good on you, but i can use this. maybe, somewhere along the way, you become more of an assistant or outfit suggestor for velvette, only occasionally stopping in for shoots. velvette never accepted anyone in a similar position to you, even though vox tried her to get an assistant for ages, and she wouldn't have accepted you either if you'd obviously being vying for the position. but you weren't, and your position just kind of naturally developed that way.

your shtick as a 'charity case' has somewhat been abandoned, though velvette still dumps clothes in your arms sometimes and tells you to try them on. maybe you're one of the few people who gets her to laugh, and the only one who she freely bitches to about all of her models. (she does this to vox and valentino too, but it's not the same. they don't care as much, nor do they really know who she's talking about.) she lets you sort through some of the open casting applications and help pick out the theme for a shoot.

of course, absolutely everything you do has to go through velvette first, and she still criticizes you aplenty, but you can't help but feel she has grown… fond of you, in a sense? sometimes, you swear you see her wearing outfits you'd picked out for another model… and while she shittalks everything that moves, you just happened to listen in on her giving a model a tonguelashing for talking bad about you. either way, you've certainly come to like her a lot more. you're now even mutuals on vitter and vikvok! much to the delight of the tiny following you'd grown on there. she even posted a picture of the two of you on there! …that means you've really made it.

maybe at some point, when her company has hit a new milestone and, in a rare slip-up (or perhaps valentino gave her a super strong drink on purpose, thinking its funny) she gets pretty drunk. you end up sitting opposite of each other in a bar, with her having decided on the spot to put some make-up on you, leaning in close to check her work, fingers gliding slowly over your skin. a situation that feels entirely too intimate for this setting, not helped by the half-lidded look in your eyes. …i have changed my mind. she mumbles, slurring her words are little. you can look pretty, after all.

you sputter out a oh really, and you only realised that now?! in order to break the heaviness of the air, the unspoken tension that makes your heart skip a beat, and velvette laughs.

(maybe there's hope for the two of you yet.)

[dappersautismcreature]

this is gonna be so sappy forgive me lmao

i have been alone on christmas before, ive been stuck at home while my mom was away with my sister, my dad was recovering from surgery, my dog was too, and just imagining how id sob if i had the community i have now to support me through that.

the qsmp team recognizing that and putting together a fun, funny, sweet, calming, gathering place stream is one of the sweetest things ive seen. i know if im ever alone on christmas, or ever feeling alone in general, i know i at least have this community to turn to. and that sweet vod to watch.

ive never been great at interacting online, its always seemed like a colder way of communicating to me, I struggle with it. but the people on here, you guys are full of warmth and genius ideas and are genuinely hilarious. every single one of you <3 its been a pleasure to post about qsmp with you guys for like, nine months.

due to a lot of weirdness surrounding friendships at the start of this year, with a few friends just totally ditching me, ive really needed to feel somewhat safe with people I interact with. thank you for being so kind and awesome, i feel safe in this space, lmao.

every single one of you, that celebrates christmas, i wish you the happiest of holidays. and if its not great, if its loud and scary and stressful and whatever, a bit of gary advice from someone who's been there, a day is a day, you can create the feeling whenever. do not hold joy to one day. holidays, even if nothing bad happens, can still be stressful, but that isn't eternal.

happy christmas, all that junk

[rooksamoris]

I just read your thoughts about Scarabia and Leona's arc development in game, and I got very interested.

There's very little info on Arabian culture online, at least that I've seen, and also African. A thing that makes me very curious is about their mythologies, folklore, and also music. We know a lot about food, since it's something so universal, but the rest is hard to get info on, unless it gets popularized or romanticized by someone else.

The scarabia arc is one of my favorites for a reason, and that is because I'm very sympathetic with Jamil, and very sad how his and Kalim's story together got so "twisted" so fast (ehe). Honestly there are so many layers to it that it would take many many chapters, and events, to close the situation. But I think it's good they left the future open like that, since it's something that can't be fixed overnight.

And also, *gets down* PLS PLS PLS PLS 🙏 I love the fluffy fics, are you going to also add Bolllywood songs? They are so good seriously it's so dancing and fun! I love Jamil so much and I MELTED with the headcanon short fic where we are taking care of him. I wanna hold his precious handsome face and just kiss it all over! He is so cute I will go FERAL-

hey qamar 💕 this was a pleasure to read! honestly, i feel like both the scarabia and savannaclaw chapters were too short? of course, we were introduced to the themes and then the whole conflict—resolution mountain for stories, however i just feel like they could have done more with the both of them.

also, i think the reason why the southwest-asian and african themes aren’t covered is because the source material is literally disney films 💀 like we get a warning before rewatching aladdin since they just now realized it was kind of racist (still a major part of my childhood though 😭 “a whole new world” in arabic is delicious). based on how yana has written other characters that are meant to be from south asia, there’s a big chance it would have been disappointing anyways.

plus, with scarabia in particular, there’s too many cultures trying to be represented due to how colonizers deemed all of the countries to be the same thing in different fonts 💀 you’d never confuse a nepali with an omani, but winston churchill sure did not care.

the original aladdin movie was meant to take place in baghdad, a city in iraq, but due to political conflicts at the time (george bush a war criminal regardless of saddam hussein’s crimes. the usa literally gave saddam weapons to kill kurds and then turned around and invaded when he wasn’t convenient anymore 💀). baghdad became agrabah—but the culture is still an amalgamation of west asian, south asian, north african, and like eurasian/turkish culture. im sure they’ve got stuff from central asia too 😭

the issue with this is that from ethnic group to ethnic group/country to country, the culture varies a lot. yemenis and palestinians are both arabs, but our cultures are vastly different, with yemenis having more eastern african influences and palestinians having mediterranean influences. i personally headcanon the scarabia duo as arab, but honestly, they could be from anywhere. for all we know, kalim is afghan and jamil is tunisian—it’s all up in the air due to the original source material. but i digress!! i rambled a lot 😭

ON THE BOLLYWOOD NOTE! omg this brought so many good memories back. we used to watch bollywood films with shitty arabic dubs 🥹 i miss those days. i love that idea and ive always wanted to write bollywood inspired fics, like based on the crazy and unrealistic romantic moments in bollywood. it’s just so much fun lmao. honestly, i think that’s a great idea especially when so many bollywood songs just lead the listener through a story anyways. im so glad you enjoy my fics!!! that’s very sweet 💕 have a great day, qamar, and take care of yourself

[koco-coko]

Well. It's 2024 for me, so I thought I'd post some thoughts here.

I'd been a part of the ikevamp fandom since Isaac's route released. I never really interacted with anyone (I didn't even have an account) but I would pop in occasionally. Well, I dropped ikevamp for a year (school) and when I came back to it, I told myself I was gonna be an active fandom member. I had gotten more confident in sharing my ideas online by then, so although scary, I kinda knew what I was getting into.

Didn't subtract the fact that it was scary. I mean, there's sooo many talented creators here and I'm just an anxiety ridden autistic girl who ships the most rarest of pairs! But I still felt welcome almost the very moment I made some posts. So, thanks for that, everybody. I don't think I've ever seen a fandom so encouraging about the very act of creation and self-indulgance and sheer enjoyment. It's kinda insane.

Now here's the part where I tag people:

@azulashengrottospiano I already left a comment, but thank you for being so welcoming. You were one of the very first people I interacted with and it really made me feel welcome here. And genuinely what you said in that reply earlier made me tear up a bit I'd never heard something that nice over the internet before :"")

@natimiles I did not expect to become friends (friends? Mutuals? Still trying to figure out how terms work) but you've always interacted with my posts and it's a joy to see your comments. And thanks for listening to my mad ramblings in messages... I tend to talk a lot when I like someone :)

@weirdwriter69 I don't know you too well but we've interacted a lot and I thought I'd say I enjoy when we do. You're comments and reblogs are always nice :) and so are your playlists! Don't worry, I'll tag you when the jean x vincent one comes along. Or if I make any others. Only if you want of course

@ikemendrew I just thought I'd tag you and say thanks for the encouragment on that one post and for liking a lot of my stuff. It means a lot :))

There's probably more I could say but I'm already nervous posting this, so just imagine I said all the other sappy things your thinking of.

So yeah I've been here less than a month but I already feel pretty welcomed in. Of course I'm still a nervous trainwreck whenever I comment on anybody's post (including the people Ive tagged lmao) but it's starting to get better :)

So uh, from Koco, happy new year!

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

hello! i just wanted to tell u that i was going through your 'im the cis, heterosexual aromantic man' post an i just wanted to say that im really glad you made that post, and it resonated with me in a way that a lot of other posts abur aromanticism dont. im a trans bisexual man, so i dont get accused of not being lgbtqi+ the way you do, but there is this idea that aromantic people are just 'using' other people for sex. ive heard some aro/ace people say they felt 'broken', and ive never felt like that, but what i HAVE felt is the feeling you mentioned that other people will feel manipulated or abused if i wait too long to come out to them about being aro. allos are able to date casually without it being seen as 'tricking' people when they find that they arent interested in them romantically, but people who's lives arent centered around romance or who dont pursue long term romance as a goal are manipulative, sex addicts or sluts for doing the same thing.

the double standard obligation for disclosure is something that a lot of trans people can relate too as well. the way you just cant disclose this evil thing about yourself soon enough in relationships for it to not be seen as you trying to deceive the other person. you need to tell your partners that you're trans, you need to tell them that you're aromantic, you need to warn them before they become interested in you.

i know you dont need any validation from internet strangers, but you're absolutely queer, and you being openly queer in the way that you are (at least online) has made other queer people like me feel more comfortable with this not often talked about aspect of their queerness. sorry if im bothering you by the way, i know you had the replies and reblogs turned off for a reason and im not trying to breach any of those bounderies by saying this. im not really making this ask intending to get a response, i just kind of wanted to express my appreciation for that post and dming you out the blue about it seemed weird.

UNGH but I get it man. I know transness can already be seen as a "dirty little secret" aspect of someone's life, that can only feel more difficult to navigate when there's an intention, or even a desire, to enter a sexual relationship.

And, yeah, don't worry about talking to me about that post, I turned reblogs off cause of the people calling me ugly lmao. You're good.

[sleepgarden]

I would love to hear more about that quote if you’re comfortable sharing!!

Yes! Okay I'll write it under a readmore- content warnings for abuse and trauma, in this specific case sexual. ...It ended up very long, I'm sorry >< !! I hope it all makes sense at least.

Now that I'm actually about to write it I realize how much context i need to give, so I'll try to do it as simply as possible but this is actually the first time im talking about this piece in depth, so it may still be a little messy..

At the time of making the piece I was at the end of a very long and hurtful relationship. During that relationship I was coerced, taken advantage of, and had my decline of consent ignored (that's one way to put it.. its hard to talk about lol). The timeline leading up to the illustration is hard to explain, but some time before is when i started accepting that i was trans. I allowed myself to see me as i am, explore my identity, approach my own thoughts/feelings with curiosity instead of fear. I gained a lot of confidence in that time (at least, compared to what i had before!) but i kept it a secret from my then-partner as they werent exactly accepting. With this newfound confidence though I expressed some desires to them that they gave a very clear and solid no to, so I immediately dropped it and moved on. (I should also say, i never really asked for anything in that relationship before. The things my partner did made me think that i was asexual for years, lmao) Later, nearing the end of it, is when i started realizing how truly awful the things they did were and how deeply it affected me. I felt like I had given (been taken from, actually) so much and had nothing to show for it. I also had the realization when thinking back about when I myself asked for something too but was told no, just how easy it was to accept that. In fact is was impossible to imagine not accepting it and getting them to do what i wanted anyways.

So to now explain the phrase "and now with thorns of his own, its the roses call to endure" The thorns are the shift of the dynamic, where as before the rose was the only one with them, the character in the illustration had now grown his own. Equally awful to touch or be touched by. He calls on the rose to endure just as he did. But, of course, I didnt feel that way. I would never want to do that to someone. I could never expect that from them, you know? How could I? And thats just it- thats where the anger came from: How could they?

The realization of what its like on the other end to be told "no" and to imagine pushing them to deal with it regardless was infuriating. The illustration calls on the rose to endure, but the anger in the piece is about asking it to do so. It's such an impossible thing to imagine doing, but something that I experienced for years. I was angry with myself for going through that, I was angry with them for everything they did, and i put it all in that illustration. It was genuinely one of the most healing illustrations ive ever made, and i officially ended the relationship soon after.

With all illustrations there really is more to it than can be said with a blanket explanation like that. But the major emotional force was driven by those things, if that makes sense? I am glad people can connect to this piece or see themself in their own way, however they interpret it. I've had people say they feel seen with it, or that its satisfying to them, and it fills my heart so much that it aches. As i said before, its bittersweet, but so meaningful to me.

I wrote this earlier today and while reviewing the draft I see how messy it is, but I'm going to post anyways! I apologize if it's incoherent- it's hard to tall about complex emotions like that. And due to how personal it is (the most personal I've ever been online I think) I'll delete it sometime in the future. Anyways, thank you again for reaching out about it! I don't get a chance to talk about my work very often. ♡

Thank you anyone who ready all that as well!

[malevolantkitcheen]

halloo!! halloo!! hhiiii!! helloooo xDDD !! HOW R U??? R U DOING OK?? Hopefully u are!!! >_< i apologize in advance if my writing is incoherent, i js got home from uni, im tired asl.. :P u can do sfw w a mix of nsfw ffirst of allll things since i heard ur doing matchups for jjk heres some stuf abt me :DDD im andre, ppl usually call me ray ray though im a guy.. (shocker) i like guys too (shocker) as for what i look like im 5'3 (i know), im somewhat chubby? idk how to describe it, its like ur normal but u have some squish and fat on u ykwim. one thing i like about myself is that ive got an hourglass figure :D I like my curves even if im a guy if that makes sense. im like a semi tan. i grew my hair out, neck length. layered, looks like a.. uh.. an overgrown wolf cut. my bangs look like twilight sparkle's lmao. anyways, i always liked wearing feminine things, sometimes i can be masculine, js sometimes. i put on makeup MOST OF THE TIMEEE. my wardrobe is filled with mini skirts and rhinestone belts and all that cool stuff. i like dressing up ok..

as for my personality im an infp. but to go deeper into it.. i like people, i js dk how to make friends, its so bad that i dont even have online friends.... butttt my 2 friends often describe me as a ray of sunshine :33 probably why they call me ray ray. i care a lot for my friends.. i rarely get mad.. i like everyone!!! js not my parents. i have daddy and mommy issues (shocker). i like yapping too, i talk a lotttt about my interests. IM A HUGE NERD WHEN IT COMES TO WHAT I LIKE. i can talk about it for hours and hours without my mouth feelin dry. i like music too. i listen to brutal death metal, and vocaloid >_< thats all really... hav a greatttt dayyyyyy!!!!!!

Good afternoon lovely, I hope you’re doing good! I’m doing okay :3 (also, great music taste 🙏)

For Jujutsu-Kaisen, I match you with….

Kento Nanami

- Nanami first noticed you at a passing glance, whilst you were sat having coffee with your friends. You were deep in conversation and were very visibly extremely interested in what you were talking about. He didn’t really recognise you so he just assumed that you had just moved into the city; he was pretty good at recognising and observing people. There was just something about you that intrigued him, something that drew him in. Of course he couldn’t just stray away from his routine due to him working but he planned on coming back the next day, in hopes that you would be there again. He was desperate even just to share a glance with you. Anything would suffice.

- The next morning on the way into the city, Nanami ensured that he passed that same coffee shop, and as hoped, there you were, once again conversing with your friends, the sun beaming down onto you. It highlighted every detail, every angle, every crease from your smile on your face. Nanami couldn’t help but stare, blushing as he did so. Only this time, you could feel someones eyes on you, causing you to turn to meet his eyes. You gave him a sweet smile, causing him to quickly turn away and carry on with his walk. You couldn’t help but think about this all day; who was he and why hadn’t you seen him before?

- This exchange continued to happen for the next couple of days until he finally mustered the courage to actually come and speak to you. You were in the queue, about to pay for you drink when you turned to see Nanami stood beside you: “We’ll also take a small black coffee with that”. Before you can even utter another word he had already paid. Of course you thanked him but you were a little set back by the whole situation as you weren’t expecting it. You weren’t complaining that you finally got to be around him, you just didn’t think that you would actually see the day.

- Nanami couldn’t help but glance from your eyes to your lips as the two of you spoke, his mind continuously wandering. You noticed it of course, never failing to fluster each and every time, just hoping that it would become more than just a glance, causing you to stutter every time you opened your mouth. “Something wrong hm?” , he says smiling to himself.

[rd0265667]

Gaeul x M!Reader: Only Us

Tags: Insecurity, Online Harassment, Angst if you squint

Word Count: 3.2k words

"You sure you want to do this?" The barber looked apprehensively at you. You nodded with a small smile, this was your first official date with her and this had to be perfect. "Alright then, you're paying." He said, as he whipped out his comb. Slowly, you watched as your messy and slightly long hair came to be a nice crew cut. "Thanks man." You said, looking in the mirror with pride. You looked a lot better now. Taking out a small piece of paper from your pocket, you smiled as you checked off the first task

TDL: Cut Hair Pick up Suit and bouquet Confirm restaurant booking Notes: Talk to her about things she likes Ask about her life Don't be too noisy and weird with her Act more respectable

You walked out of the barbershop, optimism in your eyes, only to have it extinguished by the headlines of the news "IVE's GAEUL SPOTTED WITH MYSTERY MAN, SOURCES CLAIM THEY'RE DATING, AS FANS OUTRAGE, MANY THINKING SHE DESERVES BETTER!"

dIVEr: LMAO, look at him, he looks like a clown with those scraps of clothing and that clown wig he calls a hairstyle. Gaeul deserves so much better sumchangolovedive: Eww, look at him, how can he date our queen

You let out a soft grumble, unhappy that the Netizens would already find out about the two of you. Not only that though, you were unhappy that you agreed. 

You didn't want to lie to yourself. You were two worlds apart. She was a member of one of the most popular 4th generation girl groups, and you're...a nobody. The two of you were well aware of the disparity in your status, and anyone else would give up. But you loved her too much to just call it quits like that. No. So you tried your best to make yourself better for her. 

You planned your first official date tonight. It was a step up from the previous dates you had with Gaeul. Where the previous dates were mostly impromptu, with the two of you just hanging out in parks or malls, casually hanging out, Today's date was going to be perfect. Planned down to the second. You booked a nice restaurant with a good view of the city, and preordered some of the fancy food you had heard wonders about. You got a nice haircut, rented a suit and you ordered a bouquet of roses, albeit a little cheesy but many told you to go with it. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you smiled. You looked distinguished, like someone worthy of Gaeul. You then took your phone out, seeing a message

Adopted Daughter

You can come over now.

You smiled at Leeseo's message, checking yourself to make sure you have everything for the date, before driving to IVE's dorm, excited for the date you had spent so long to plan, and to finally see Gaeul again.

Knocking at the door, you were greeted by Yujin, who only slightly opened the door. "Last adjustments." She said with a smile, as you nodded, not knowing why Gaeul needed makeup. She was the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, even without makeup.

"She's ready for you now." Yujin said, as she opened the door, as you saw Rei, Wonyoung, Liz and Leeseo all standing near the front of the door, all with various makeup kits on them, and in the middle of all of them, stood her. The one and only. Kim Gaeul

You smiled at her, but to your chagrin, you saw her frown for a split second. Did you do something wrong? You quickly shook your head. Maybe you just saw wrongly

"You look great Gaeul." You said, smiling at her, and she gave you a small smile back.

"You cut your hair." She said, as you frowned a little, did she not like it?

Just as you were about to ask, Leeseo piped up, "Are those flowers for Gaeul-Unnie?"

" Ah yes, these are for you Gaeul, I hope you like them." You said, handing the bouquet of roses over with a shy smile. Gaeul smiled back, taking them gently into her hands, smelling it, smiling as she looked at you, "They smile amazing. Thank you." She said with a smile. "Don't stay out too late alright?" Yujin said teasingly at the two of you "We won't" You said as you blushed, not missing the tease thrown at you

"So, where are we going today? Olympic Park? I was surprised you asked me to dress so nicely considering that we usually go to parks or malls." Gaeul asked, as the two of you stepped out of their dorm. You smiled in excitement, "That's the best part! I got us a table at Pierre Gagnaire near Lotte World." Gaeul's head immediately whipped toward you, saying incredulously, "Why did you do that? That place is deathly expensive!" Your smile immediately went lopsided. She doesn't like it? But you spent so much effort just to get that booking, that place is a Michelin Star Restaurant, maybe it was her company that she wasn't a fan of... Seeing your frown, Gaeul immediately waved her hands, saying, "I like it, I like it, I just think it's too expensive for me." "Only the best for you Gaeul." You said, immediately internally cringing after hearing yourself say that. She smiled, as you headed to your car, opening the door for her, of course, before driving to the restaurant. Once you got on the road, you set the radio to play her group's most recent comeback, After Like. You wanted to play more to her interests, make her more comfortable, but once again, like your other efforts today, it seemed to not be going your way. Gaeul didn't really react to the song, but her face seemed a little unhappy, as she leaned on the window and began to sleep. 'Get your shit together man.' You thought to yourself. This date has not been going well.  Along the drive, you couldn't help yourself from stealing glances at the Beautiful Girl sleeping next to you 'I have to make this work.' You leaned over, gently nudging Gaeul "We're here Gaeul. Wake up." You said, as you watched her slowly get up, stretching as she yawned, while you looked at her with adoration in your eyes "Is there something on my face? Or are you just excited to see me?" Gaeul said, looking teasingly at you, but as she looked up at the restaurant, she frowned once again. "Let's go Y/N." Gaeul said, sounding less than happy as you followed behind her.

"So, how's practice been? I heard from Leeseo that you girls have been training for a new comeback." You said just as you both sat at the restaurant table, seeing Gaeul's face morph into shock. "Oh, umm, well, yeh, it's been tough, our manager has been pushing us pretty hard but Yujin has being making sure we still get some rest." She replied, pretty dryly as she seemed just exhausted at the mention of it. "Ah, wel-" You tried to talk, before being interrupted by Gaeul "Can we not? I don't really want to talk about work right now." She said sharply, seemingly annoyed at you. "Oh, I'm sorry..." You said, looking down in embarrassment.  Our food was then promptly delivered, but to your chagrin, Gaeul still didn't look too happy, but you saw her force out a little smile as she looked at you, "So, what's been going on in your life so far? Any annoying customers recently?" She said, wriggling her eyebrow as if to prompt you to start ranting and talking about your job, and you were going to, but, the last two lines of your notes rang out to you. "Oh, not much, they were all pretty nice, I don't want to gossip or talk about any of them." Gaeul's face remained unchanged. She quickly went back to quietly eating her dinner, as you frowned.  'Guess this is the last date huh? It's for the best I guess. She was too good for me anyways..." You thought to yourself,  as you too slowly ate your dinner. The next half an hour was painful to say the least, the two of you trying your best to start a conversation, but it seemed like nothing was working. You sighed internally as the both of you walked out of the restaurant, before you gently held Gaeul's hand, saying, "Hey, Gaeul, could we talk?" She nodded, as you took her hand, sitting down at a nearby bench. " I'm sorry Gaeul. I know this night hasn't been the greatest for the both of us, but I promise, I'll improve myself and make sure the ne-" Gaeul suddenly interrupted you "Wait, we can still make it. Let's go." She said, grabbing you by the hand, running to your car. She took your GPS, keying in the directions to a small park near IVE's dorm. "Oh, umm, alright." You could only stutter out, as you were still in confusion For the ride, Gaeul began pestering you into talking about life again, as she insisted on just shooting the wind with you, as you felt yourself get more comfortable with her again. "Did you see D-Mitch and Brooks today?" Gaeul asked, talking about the fight that had occured awhile ago. "YEH! Brooks is such a dirty player, if you hit someone under the belt, don't be surprised when they try to hit back, such a dishonourable play."  You went on a mini rant, before stopping and blushing, realising you had broken the two lower rules, looking apologetically at Gaeul. "Sorry about that, I got a little caught up." Gaeul simply smiled, saying, "You're back" Before I could ask what she meant, Gaeul shouted out in excitement, "Let's go! Let's go!" The two of you quickly ran to an open field, seeing a big screen showing a movie, as things began clicking. It was a movie screening of a movie Gaeul had mentioned she loved before, "Dear Evan Hansen" Gaeul ran over to a girl, hugging her, before grabbing a ground sheet from her, running back to you and hurriedly setting down the ground sheet. "Hurry, it's about to begin." She said as she patted the ground beside her You sat down, suddenly feeling Gaeul lean into you, exclaiming in shock, "What're you doing?" "Shh, the scene's starting." Gaeul hurriedly whispered

You looked up to the screen as you saw two teens starting to sing

I like you because, you.

♫ I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you. ♫

♫ I don't need you to search, for the proof that I should. ♫

♫ You don't have to convince me, you don't have to be scared you're not enough, cos what we've got going, is good. ♫

You looked down at Gaeul in shock. Did she know?  You looked down, putting your hand on her shoulder, before she quickly grabbed your hand, looping it around her neck to put you two in a backhug and leaning more into you, as you smiled. The question could wait.

♫ Try to quiet the noises in your head. ♫

♫ We can't compete with all that. ♫

♫ So, what if it's us? ♫

♫ What if it's us, and only us? ♫

♫ And what came before, won't count anymore, or matter? ♫

♫ Can we try that? ♫

♫ What if it's you? ♫

♫ And what if it's me? ♫

♫ And what if that's all that we need it to be? ♫

♫ And the rest of the world falls away, what do you say? ♫

'She knows' You silently thought to yourself. It was all starting to make sense now.

♫ I never thought there'd be someone like you would want me ♫

♫ Well... ♫

♫ So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go ♫

♫ but if you really see me ♫

♫ if you like me for me and nothing else ♫

♫ well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know ♫

♫ so it can be us, it can be us, and only us ♫

♫ and what came before, won't count anymore, or matter ♫

♫ we can try that ♫

♫ it's not so impossible ♫

♫ nobody else, but the two of us here ♫

♫ cos you're saying it's possible ♫

♫ we can just watch the whole world disappear ♫

♫ till you're the only one I still know how to see ♫

♫ it's just you and me ♫

♫ it'll be us, it'll be us, and only us and what came before won't count anymore ♫

♫ we can try that ♫

♫ you and me, that's all that we need it to be ♫

♫ and the rest of the world falls away ♫

♫ and the rest of the world falls away ♫

♫ the world falls away ♫

♫ the world falls away ♫

♫ and it's only us ♫

Gaeul looked up at you, as you smiled, you knew what Gaeul was trying to tell you. She gently took your hand in hers, lightly kissing it. "Let's go Y/N." She said, as she pulled you by the hand, running to the roof of IVE's dorm.

"So you knew?" You asked, as Gaeul sat next to you on the rooftop. "Of course I knew, I saw the comments on the posts online too, I knew you'd be affected by it, but I didn't think you'd be affected so much by them. I'm sorry." Gaeul said, looking down as you frantically waved your hands "There's nothing to apologise about Gaeul. You're more than worth enduring some trolls online. Besides, they are kinda right, I don't deserve you, that's why I tried so hard to be better for you." You said, only to be met with Gaeul's withering glare. "Y/N, if you say that again, I will spray you with the hose." She said through gritted teeth "They are though...." You said, chuckling as you saw Gaeul start waving the hose in your face "My bad my bad, but you know what I mean..." You muttered out, as Gaeul's shoulder's lowered a little, walking over to you, as she tenderly put her hands on your face, massaging your cheek as she looked at you. " Well, today was our date, and you 'improved yourself' to impress me. You booked a nice suit, booked a fancy restaurant for our date. Didn't go so well did it?" Gaeul commented, as you both chuckled. "But you're a celebrity Gaeul...and I'm just a nobody." You said, as you uncomfortably fidgeted, legs shaking and hands trembling. "You're the great Kim Gaeul, and I'm someone the history books will never remember. Just a nobody, so how could I be worthy of being with you if I'm just...me." You looked down, your whole body shaking as you tried to keep from crying. Gaeul quickly shuffled over to you, putting one hand on your knee to calm you down, the other hand around your shoulder as she slowly patted your back, trying her best to comfort you " I had to try to become better, try to be more formal and Upper-Class like your, but like always, I fuck things up. I don't deserve you Gaeul..."

"No, the date didn't work out because this formal and 'Upper-Class' man wasn't the one who stole my heart. The man who stole my heart was the one who would take me out on dates where we would just mess around in parks or malls. The one who would just talk shit with me and talk like he didn't have a care in the world, just sharing our lives together. The one who would make me feel so normal yet so special to him, and the one who I can let my troubles disappear with, at least for a little while. I didn't go out with him tonight." Gaeul said, looking dead into your eyes, as you struggled to comprehend what she had just said "I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you, nor do I need you to search for reasons for me to want you. Fuck the media and the toxic fans, this is our relationship. You and me, Y/N, that's all that we need it to be. Let the world fade away, I just want to be with you. Not some changed version of you, or some version of you that you think is better. I love you for who you are, Y/N." Gaeul smiled, but bit her lip, trying to contain her smile as she tried to let her words sink in to you. "You really mean it?" You whispered, desperately hoping that you weren't hallucinating. "Every word." Gaeul said as she gently pat your back "What if I'm dreaming?" You asked, as Gaeul laughed out "Don't worry Y/N, I can solve that. Stand up and close your eyes."  You followed suit, closing your eyes as you anticipated a slap or some attack, before having a strong stream of water shot into your face. You looked up in shock, seeing Gaeul smirking at you as she shouted out, "Is it a dream???" before guffawing at you. "It's not funny..." You said, pouting a little as Gaeul cooed "Aigoo, a little baby, come here" Gaeul said in a baby voice, as you tried to look sad, but to no avail Gaeul quickly ran up to you, asking you to lean down before messing up your hair. "There, just the way I like it." She said, beaming with pride as you looked more like you normally did. "So, will we be having a second date?" You cheekily asked "No." Gaeul said, looking you square in the eyes, as she slowly backed from you "Wha-" You tried to ask, before getting blasted in the face by a jet of water again "It's not a second date, this one didn't count. I expect to see the real you for our first date alright?" She asked, giggling at you as she looked at you soaked. "You wanna see the real me? Come here!" You shouted jokingly, running at Gaeul, trying to catch and hug her to get her wet too(Not like that you pervs), as she laughed, as the two of you began chasing each other around the roof, shouting and laughing like two little kids at a playground "YAH!" You both whipped your heads toward the door to the roof, seeing a very grumpy and disheveled Yujin. "I get that the two of you are in love, but like, I want to sleep? So, keep it down before I come up here with Leeseo." She threatened, as you and Gaeul chuckled, remembering the time Leeseo kept you two up through the night playing Monopoly. "Alright alright, sorry Yujin." You chuckled as she grunted, walking back down to the dorm, turning to Gaeul only to get tackled to the ground, the both of you chuckling as she laid by your side, laying her head on your chest as you both just gazed at the stars. "Y'know, so many beautiful stars are out tonight, it's just my luck that the most beautiful one is lying beside me." You joked, as Gaeul's head whipped up to you. "If you say something that cheesy again, I will hose you again."  "Okay Ms 'I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you'" You chuckled, as she glared at you You quickly pulled her closer to you, as you felt her melt into you.

You're one lucky guy

[noodlegirl-googlyeyes]

hey! im noodle, or Ellie, and i was tagged to answer some questions abt myself by the wonderful and very rad @theprocfilesystem, thank you so much!

relationship status: single and not at all looking. i don't know if i ever will be, tbh, mostly just because i don't see myself as the kind of person who would want to. but, since it's late, i'll go ahead and overshare that i do have a regular hookup going with my main gal lliJ (im left handed) that meets my needs for sexual expression quite adequately

favorite color: for a long time it was deep purple! it was my sadboy color for sure. now that im a girl, though, it just feels sad, so i decided my favorite color would be yellow! so, yeah, its yellow :>

favorite food: carne adovada, a New Mexican dish made with Hatch red chile and (usually)pork! red chiles are dried and ground, as opposed to the green variety, which is usually roasted fresh. sauces made with red chile tend to have a very dark, smoky flavor, and have a particularly exquisite spice to them. there are many varieties of a protein in a sauce eaten in/on some carbs, but a carne adovada burrito really stands alone, for me <3

the song stuck in my head: unfortunately, it's 'Hip to Fuck Bees'

the last thing i searched online: i had to start typing in the word 'etiquette' because i couldn't remember how to spell it, but the last actual search i made was 'wired switch controller'(im just gonna get the gamecube style one probs)

the time right now: 11 pm exactly

dream trip: honestly it's less about the location and more about me being somewhere with someone who knows the area and culture well. partially it's because i won't enjoy anything if i don't feel safe, and/or if i feel alone, and partially because i hate being a tourist. i just wanna be there.

something i want: ive wanted to get a PC for awhile, it's been years since i had one. it doesn't have to be super fancy, just something that can handle a half-decent DAW and, like, be able to play my metroidvanias (lone fungus is out now btw and it looks amazing!) cherry on top would be someone to help me get started using linux, bc windows and apple can both go fuck each other.

thanks again for tagging me UwU i appreciate u! i would like to nominate @star-crossed-animals , @spoopyscaryalien , @dominoscarsidedelivery and @zoeadrien but u dont have to if u dont want to! also if u wanna do these kinds of games but no one ever tags u, u always have my permission to say i tagged u :>

in addition i'm adding another question: whats a piece of media(book, movie, show, album/song, etc.) that you feel represents you or an aspect of you that you haven't seen a lot of representation for? i know it's kind of wordy, sorry. but for example, mine is bojack horseman. when i was deep in my dark times, there were so many things about myself i hated. i started watching the show around season two, and i saw some of those parts of me in bojack in a way i'd never really seen before in media. in diane i saw some too, as well as some of the things i'd forgotten i loved about myself, but it was mostly bojack. he is not a good character, or role model, and the fact that i related so much to him was disturbing, sure, but also strangely comforting at the time. as the show continued to air, i grew as a person. i never finished the last season. by the time it came out, my values had diverged so much from his that it was kind of hard to watch. and for all my mistakes, i'm so proud of who i am today compared to that lost, lonely, angry figure slowly torturing himself to death.

like i said, its late so im oversharing lmao anyways ty again and peas and love on planat earf ✌️

[skyjynxart]

Mmm sorry.

Ah, the good ol’ readmore yellfest. Seriously no need to read this, I just need to get it off my chest. If you do skim through, big fat TW for transphobia, and like- body image issues? This is a fucked up little diary entry and I’m going to delete it later- this is purely for catharsis & self-reflection after I’ve had some sleep.

And a note to that one very close friend who may read this despite being warned off: I know it’s stupid on some level, I know this started like 2 weeks ago, and I am yelling here so I DON’T yell in your direction again so shoo.

.

.

I like to think I’m someone who handles bigotry well. Most of the time, things slide off me like water off a duck. I’m at this point pretty visibly gender non-conforming, because I’ve been on T for like a year and a half, but refuse to cut my hair off. Microaggressions pretty much mean nothing to me at this point, I hear them all the time, and 99% of the time they’re unintentional and from complete strangers in a town I don’t really like anyway.

Sometimes people are deliberately cruel- but then I can just avoid them, and that’s the end of it. Even at work, where I might have to see certain patrons regularly, there’s juuust enough protections in place for me that I can reasonably refuse to interact with them after they’ve said something, and if I were to gather up the energy to go to HR about it, they’d at least probably be talked to about it.

It hits a little different coming from someone I know online who I thought of as friendly, if not a friend.

It especially hits different when it’s about something I’m not- used to.

Specifically, it hits really fucking hard when it’s comments like ‘it makes me want to gag’ and ‘seriously nobody wants to see that’ and ‘Ive never seen this side of trans’ ( grammatical nightmare aside, that IS a direct quote ), and these comments are being made about an OC that I chose to update an old femme design into a transmasc one. One that I chose to keep the old art of around because the whole point is that we trans folx don’t just pop out of the womb with top surgery scars.

And with the bulk of that disgust being directed at the fact that, when drawing a nude body reference of this OC, I drew him with a vagina ( can I still say vagina on tumblr? ). You know. Like... Trans men are typically born with. Like a great majority of trans men have, because bottom surgery is expensive and painful and frankly doesn’t really work as well when it comes to giving you functioning parts as one would assume. They can’t just- graft a dick onto someone.

It’s like people wanna support us until they’re confronted with the reality of what being trans means.

And I guess this just hits hard because I already struggle with feeling-- like I’m wanted on like, a very basic level lmao, but particularly with internalising a lot of rhetoric and frankly narrow representation of transmasc people ( skinny or buff af, white, short hair, no hips, only clockable by voice or height, still hairless somehow, and either wearing a strap in sexytimes or not sexy at all ) that excludes someone who presents the way I do pretty heavily on multiple counts.

So someone making those kinds of comments because they don’t like that I re-designed an OC to reflect parts of my experience- parts of my body that I am struggling to love, but can love more easily on a piece of fiction made out of pixels- I guess it makes sense that it’s circling around in my head even weeks later. And I’ve never really- felt hit by transphobia in this way- I’ve never felt cut directly by it before because I’m usually so fucking prepared, and so used to recognising when there’s a high risk and cutting people off before they have a chance to enact this kind of shit and hurt me with it.

I dunno I’m dealing with a lot of weird things for the first time in my life because my late 20s is a weird as fuck time to exist, and my body is changing from age and a second puberty at the same time, and some of those changes are amazing things that I’m happy about while others are waking a lot of internalised issues I never knew I had until now, and this was just a really fucking inopportune time for something like that to come along, and ever since those screenshots got shared with me I just- haven’t been able to feel right or comfortable. At first I thought okay, I am fueled by 99% spite, so I’m gonna draw SO MUCH transguy smut now, but--

every time I sit down to do it, I freeze up.

I don’t know why- this has never happened to me before. And I hate it. I hate that words not even spoken directly to me- maybe even because they weren’t spoken directly to me, because then I have to wonder how many other people are secretly saying and thinking the same things- can make me question my body, question what I draw, question-- so much about myself. I fucking hate it.

[agnosticblowjob]

lmao i agree that it’s weird to both expect someone who follows you back to read your whole carrd and then also change their own blogging style bc you followed back,, like it’s a thing ive seen people start saying a lot that if they follow someone and that person follows back they need to start trigger tagging for them specifically?? baffling to me

yeah tbh i think this has to do with the whole tiktokificafion of the internet re: Everyone Is A Content-Producer Now

like in 2013 when i was 15 and online (mostly on facebook & tumblr), most people did care about making their blog/profile “cool,” but there wasn’t really a social repercussion if you didn’t achieve that. besides just, like. not having a many friends/followers. lol

but nowadays the culture has shifted so that as opposed to just posting (i.e. just having fun/trying to be cool), you’re Putting Out Content. and each person is treated like a micro-influencer, almost. whereas before, you’d have to have a fairly large following for anyone to be warranted in trying to hold you accountable for posting triggering shit without a warning.

basically it’s an opt-in or opt-out system. old times were an opt-in; people followed you because you posted stuff they liked. now it feels like an opt-out, where you’re expected to post content that your followers will like, or else people will unfollow. an analogy i like is that it’s the difference between having someone stay the night at your house vs you running a hotel. very different expectations for those two scenarios.

anyway i think it’s this cultural shift that has led to teenagers online thinking they have to provide so much for each other in terms of accommodation/content warning/tagging. like baby just tell them to find another couch to sleep on. you’re not running a hotel.

[grapesodatozier]

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.

[fairycosmos]

i think the concept of trauma dumping is toxic for people who actually have trauma. im at a point in life where im growing and healing, but naturally, i still have urges to talk about past trauma, and the fear of trauma dumping makes me bottle it all up. people will say to talk to a therapist, but every therapist ive ever seen just glorifies and romanticizes my story, they always tell me my trauma makes me unique and they never actually help me work through anything. as someone who has lost a parent, i feel horribly guilty and embarrassed every time i mention that i don’t have a dad because of that trauma dumping stigma. it’s something ive given a lot of thought to. i agree with the last anon; it shouldnt be shameful to talk about trauma unless you’re speaking over others at an irrelevant time. sorry if this reads like a trauma dump lmao.

yeah i hear u! honestly i think the original reasoning behind the phrase "trauma dump" was very valid - normal people are not therapists and it is very triggering and exhausting to be around ppl who treat you like one, and it is a very common trend (esp in online spaces) to put all your baggage on strangers + to weaponize ur pain - BUT all that being said i totally get what you mean and i do agree.

i think that other anon said it well when they said the internet (and subsequently people in real life) just take a phrase and absolutely run with it. now any mention of trauma or going through a hard time can be combatted with "stop trauma dumping, stop being toxic!!" and it's hard to combat that. ppl can just utilize it whenever they feel slightly uncomfortable in conversation which is. not productive. especially people who are supposed to be your friends like hello i thought emotional vulnerability came w our bond. it's not always emotional labour like ppl love to say. i think there's a difference between setting a boundary and just completely shaming someone you're supposed to care about, for mentioning or bringing up the pain they're in. sadly a lot of ppl seem to be majorly blurring that line.

it can make ppl who are dealing with trauma feel so much worse, which can be disastrous for those already at rock bottom. i've felt it a lot myself in regards to witnessing the death of my sister and the loss of her all together - ppl do not want to hear it. even when it's an integral part of why i think or behave a certain way. it can feel really alienating and like u said, it can make the guilt of being "damaged" feel much heavier. idk, it's difficult. i think there's a way to open up that is appropriate for both parties involved and i don't think there's inherent manipulation on either side. i’ve heard people say it's a good idea to simply just check in with ur mates before you vent to/bring up a hard topic to them, to see if they're in the headspace to deal which avoids this weird communication blockage on both ends. but if you're already dealing with a lot, it can really push you to just isolate and spiral, and that is so hard to cope with. i get that entirely.

i think you have every right to mention you don't have a dad when it applies and when it's appropriate irt the company you're in in that moment. it's just knowing when it's relevant and when it's not that distinguishes, same w my sister really. but you're never a bad person for having been through a lot, you know? and i'm truly sorry if anyone has ever made you feel that way, because it's not fair at all. especially after already surviving the most unimaginable heaviness and hardship. i'm also really really sorry about your dad, though i know you're probably tired of hearing it, and i know there's no words for it really. as an even further side note because this pissed me off LOL: your therapists sound completely fucked, it must be so hard to deal with. i can totally relate to not getting the professional support you need. the fact that they have the audacity to romanticize ur pain just makes me so so mad for you god. that's so unproductive and unhelpful and gross. the thing w therapy is that it can take forever to find someone you really click with who can really help you (i'm also still in the long long process of looking for the right one who is affordable, and ik it feels hopeless.) but i urge you to keep reaching out so you have, at least some place, to not bottle things up. at the end of the day, you do deserve support and you deserve to be listened to, no matter what. sending you a huge hug rn. x

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH