#(like absolutely do NOT hesitate to tell me all the things i'm 99% of the time gonna be so here for it)

[backtothe99]

(18Trip Translation) Tao Kinouchi Novel: Back to the 99 - Track 3

all novels have spoilers for information about the characters revealed in the main story, proceed with caution!

CW: This chapter references Tao's parents' neglect, their religious fanaticism and one instance of a doomsday theory (prophecy)

Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 3

“I’m home.”

I always get a little nervous when I say these words after I come back home.

I used to worry my parents would come out from inside the house and say something–

And now, I worry what my little brother, an elementary school student who is probably waiting in here… might think.

My house is a strange one.

If I had to put it bluntly, I’d even say it’s abnormal.

I hear the sound of an electronic device coming from the end of the hallway.

That alone tells me that my little brother is the only one in the house.

If our parents were here, he absolutely wouldn’t have come out of his room.

When I looked down at the floor, I saw my brother’s sneakers in the same place I had seen them in the morning when I left for school.

… Looks like Taiki didn’t go to school today either after all.

I felt a little disappointed as I realized that.

No. I had decided to treat him as normal as possible, whether he went to school or didn’t.

… Although I’m not so sure if that’s the right choice to make.

When I entered the living room, I found my brother sprawled out on the sofa, playing on the SNES.

His pajamas were scattered all over the place, along with packets of snacks and instant noodle containers.

Even in this state, our parents wouldn’t even spare a glance at Taiki.

As usual, there’s a 5000 yen bill on the dining table.

Our parents will probably be late again because of a religious gathering. I don’t really know much, but it seems they’re high-ranking members.

“Taiki, what do you want for dinner?”

“Pizza. The usual.”

Taiki answered my question without even looking at me.

The usual would be teriyaki chicken and mentaiko mochi.

I called the pizza place from the home landline and placed the order.

I call them so often that I registered their number as an abbreviated number.

2 is the pizza shop, 3 is the ramen shop, 4 is the soba shop…

I sat on the sofa and made sure to avoid Taiki’s legs, my brother sat up and silently handed me the other controller.

“I wanna play Spitz.”

“I don’t wanna play that with you, you’ll beat me to shreds. Let’s keep playing Poyo Poyo.” He said with no hesitation, so I followed his lead and we started a battle.

For a while, we were both silent, and the only sounds in the room were the sound of slimy characters bouncing and the flashy sound effects of combo attacks.

But I always worry at times like this. Would it be better if I talked to him?

Should I tell him that he should go to school? Or do I want him to tell me something like, “Nii-chan, you should've come back home earlier”?

— It’s been two weeks since Taiki stopped going to school.

I’ve been living my life as normal, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Moreover, I haven’t been able to consult anyone about this. Not even Goz.

“... Did they say anything today?” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I asked him that.

“They probably just prayed today too,” was his cold reply, “I don’t think you noticed because you were sleeping, but they were out of their minds when they left this morning. They were saying something about the coming of the end.”

"Oh... Because of King Anglomois's prophecy, I guess."

The world will end on the seventh month of 1999.

They say that's according to a great prophet from ages ago. That prophet is Anglomois, and the prophecy is called The Prophecy of the Great King of Terror.

Because of that, our parents have become more and more fanatic lately.

There are also a lot of TV specials on prophecies that seem to be indoctrinating people into taking them seriously.

Goz, simple-minded as he is, got a bit scared.

But I'm more scared of my parents, who believe in these prophecies and have been losing their minds every day, than I am of the world's end itself.

Ever since  1999 started, they have been saying things like this:

"Tao must be the only one allowed on the Ark."

"Tao is God's child, after all. The chosen one must survive."

... Taiki is usually nearby whenever my parents say crazy things like that.

And every time I think to myself and question their nerve, "How can they say that? I'm not their only child.  Have they really forgotten about Taiki?"

" ... You know the bankbook grandma left behind? I saw mother take it yesterday. That's bad, right. She probably donated the whole amount."

I froze after hearing what Taiki said.

Our grandmother who passed away a few years ago was a decent person. She left the bankbook to our parents on her deathbed and told them, "Use it on Tao and Taiki's education, okay?", I know this, because I saw the conversation happen in real time.

" ... They even put their hands on grandma's bankbook?"

A dry laugh came out of me before I could stop it.

"It's unfair that children can't choose their parents."

"..."

Taiki pouted, but I couldn't say anything back.

On the TV screen, cute, colorful slimes stuck to each other and popped.

"... I can't imagine myself going to high school or anything like that." Taiki whispered.

"High school's... fun."

"Maybe for you, Tao-nii."

"If I fail the entrance exams, I probably won't be accepted." Taiki continued, and I had nothing to say back. I did think that was the case, too.

It makes me frustrated beyond what words can describe.

"Once I graduate middle school, I'm gonna work and save up money. Then I'll start a company that distributes news on the internet. I'll expose everything our parents and their cult has done."

"You need to go to high school to start a company."

"I'll make money by playing games instead of studying."

"There's no job like that. If there was, I'd be doing it."

"You'd be making millions, Tao-nii."

For the first time in a while, Taiki laughed innocently.

As I felt joy and relief, Taiki dropped his controller.

Then, he groaned and clutched his stomach.

"Taiki!"

I dropped my controller and put my arm around Taiki's shoulder.

My little brother's thin body shook, and he was drenched in sweat.

"Does it hurt? Where? Your stomach?"

"... I don't know, everywhere... Like usual, I think."

When I put my hand on his back to soothe him, I could feel his heart beating rapidly through the skin where his spine was exposed.

I quickly picked him up and carried him to his bed.

This is making my head hurt. This isn't the first time it's happened to him.

It happens several times a month, sometimes more than once a week.

I was worried, so I took him to a doctor, but they told me the cause was unknown. The tests were also inconclusive.

Later, they told me it was a psychosomatic illness.

Basically, it was stress.

Every time this happens, Taiki gets a fever. This time was no different.

I tried looking for an antipyretic, but it seems the one we used last time was the last one. I was at my wit's end, and wondered whether I should go out to buy some.

But when I went to Taiki's bedside and placed my hand on his burning forehead, he grabbed the hem of my shirt without saying anything.

Seeing my little brother like that, in pain and with tears in his eyes, I couldn't bring myself to tell him I'm leaving to get some medication.

I started to become aware of my powerlessness.

... Why does Taiki have to go through this?

It'd be better if I was the one ignored by our parents.

If it was me, he wouldn't have to endure this pain.

... I'm cold-hearted. Because of that, I gave up on our parents a long time ago. I don't get so stressed that it'd show on my body...

But I can only say that because, no matter how twisted, I'm "loved" by them. I'll probably never understand how Taiki, whose existence was ignored ever since he was born, truly feels.

"Nii-chan's gonna prepare an ice pack." I said and left Taiki's side. I could tell he was watching me leave with anxious eyes.

I went down to the kitchen on the first floor and put ice in a plastic bag. My heart ached with frustration.

Right then, I heard my phone's carefree ringtone.

"...  Sorry for making you go out of your way to buy medicine. You're a huge help."

I opened the front door and bowed my head.

The call was from Goz. He just wanted to talk about tomorrow's classes and other mundane things.

He noticed I sounded gloomy and asked me what's wrong, so despite hesitating, I managed to ask him to buy some medicine for Taiki.

"C'mon, it's fine. ... Is your little brother okay?"

"It happens all the time... I gave him the medicine just now, so he'll probably fall asleep soon."

The reason for his fevers is his mind, so sometimes taking medicine doesn't fix it. But just taking them seems to make Taiki feel more at ease.

"Hey... This is just something I overhead, but... Is your brother not going to school?"

I let out a gasp. But I was sort of expecting him to ask me about it.

Goz has relatives that live nearby and have a kid in the same class as Taiki. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd heard about it from them.

I fell silent, and Goz took it as confirmation.

"Aren't you gonna tell your parents about it?"

"... There'd be no point."

"But refusing to go to school is just..."

We were supposed to just have a normal conversation.

When I heard words such as 'refusing to go to school' and 'parents', I felt something take over my chest.

I don't know how to describe what I felt. It was something like frustration, or anger.

Whatever it was, it wasn't something that should've been directed to Goz.

But next thing I knew, I was yelling.

"Don't talk like you know what's going on! It's got nothing to do with you!"

As soon as those words left my mouth, I realized I was directing my feelings towards the wrong person, but I couldn't apologize.

Because Goz flinched, and then had an immediate retort.

"I see how it is! My bad for being concerned! Take care!"

He left the room after saying that.

The front door closed with a loud bang.

And at that moment, a wave of regret washed over me.

"What the hell am I saying..."

Goz was just worried.

He may know my parents are strange, but he can't imagine they'd be so awful that they'd ignore that their son misses school or gets sick.

I just sat there, slumped over and clutching my head. I pulled on my own hair.

... I just want to protect Taiki.

I just want to be "normal" friends with Goz.

But no matter how much I try to pretend, I'm not normal at all-- I'm that fraud boy, after all.

For a while, I believed nothing was going to work out.

Novel directory: Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 1 | Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 2 | Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 3 | Wednesday, June 30, 1999 | Souta Gozu

[felixstudios]

Random Corporate Clash Headcanons, Case Manager Edition

I'm so hyperfixated on him rn I love him so much augh I gotta get the brain worms out

💼Obviously a man of few words, but that's because he saves his voice for what actually matters. He's by no means shy and doesn't hesitate to speak up when he needs to.

💼Very thorough but efficient with his work. He wants things done quickly and he wants things done well, and he doesn't compromise on either.

💼He actually talks more to Courtney than anyone else since their years of business partnership made him care more about maintaining a good business relationship with her.

💼I feel like he's the one guy who everyone tells all of their problems to for years and years only for them to realize he's never told them a thing about himself. Like... they don't even know seemingly basic information about him!

💼Sometimes has huge outbursts of anger. I feel like he lets it build up for a really long time, possibly even years, and then he finally snaps and releases his anger by shouting and being pretty rude. He's just as quick to force himself to regain his composure since he doesn't want to ruin his reputation, or even worse- his career.

💼Surprisingly not very emotionally mature. I feel like he probably forced himself to ignore that entire side of development in favor of his career, and his work has probably unfortunately benefitted from it. At this point, he's probably so disconnected that he struggles to understand what he's even feeling.

💼Alternatively, it's just autism. I can't decide lol. Maybe it's just both {yeah this is absolutely me projecting and I don't care}.

💼I feel like he has some... slightly illegal practices {or at the very least, super misleading}. Probably his favorite thing to do is put a bunch of stuff in fine print that, while it could easily be objected to in court by saying it's not reasonable to assume the entire page of fine print was read and understood, he'll insist it's legally binding so he can get his way. It works like 99% of the time.

💼He also loves swarming Toons and clients alike with paperwork. He's found it to be a very effective strategy in getting what he wants, and he'll have a paper trail of signed agreements he can point to if he needs it.

💼This is very random, but I feel like he'd have a favorite pen and he'd only want to write with that specific pen.

[seongsanglover]

✮ateez reacting to you wanting them as your plus one ✮includes: hongjoong, seonghwa, yunho, yeosang, san, mingi, wooyoung, jongho, gn!reader ✮genre: fluff ✮warnings:N/A ✮word count:TBC ✮note: i'm very very nervous for this,,, this is something that came into my mind recently, in no small part thanks to my crush saying that she's been invited to parties/had a party, but yeh i felt like this idea would be a good one to start with :)

Seonghwa

I think Seonghwa would be very surprised by this request, especially if it's from out of nowhere. He's used to spending quiet nights by himself building up his lego sets in peace, so when you come to him with the idea of bringing him along with you to a large party, I feel like he might hesitate at first. However, he does agree to come with you, and it ends up being a party that neither of you forget, enjoying it all so much that you forget that Hwa even hesitated. You’re always seen with one another, laughing, smiling and joking around, and you can see how much Seonghwa is loving it. When he brings you back to your place later in the night/early in the morning, he thanks you for even considering taking him along and tells you that it was one of the best experiences he’s had. After a very very long hug he waves you goodbye, smiling to himself as he’s walking away.

Hongjoong

Hongjoong would be very chaotic i feel, always dragging you around to different parts of the party to try and get you to join in activities. he wants you to enjoy yourself as much as possible and will do what he can to get you laughing.

Yunho

Yunho is such a golden retriever boy oml, radiating good vibes as soon as he steps in to the room, lifting any sorrow.

Yeosang

Yeosang i feel would be the most shocked and he'd probably be shy throughout the night (if he agrees to join you), always giving out his small smiles to people that come to talk to the both of you. after a bit of time at the party is when his full personality comes through, being amused by little things and generally enjoying himself. he'll stay as close as possible to you but if you are doing something he'll look at you fondly, asking how it was when you walk back to him.

San

San would absolutely eat up the chance of being able to go somewhere with you! he wouldn't hesitate to want to go and loves that you asked him. i feel like he'd be very good at making sure that nothing bad happens to you throughout the night and makes sure to check in on how you feel. of course he wants you to enjoy yourself first and foremost, you did invite him to come with you after all.

Mingi

Mingi i feel is the least likely to want to go (99% due to his anxiety:( ), however i feel like he'd make the most of it if he were to go. he wants to make the most out of being out, especially if it's with you. he'll stick close, only really talking to others if you're there. he may need to walk out to take time to himself, you ofc go to check if he's ok and stay with him for as long as is needed.

Wooyoung

Youngie would adore this opportunity, he would jokingly say that he'll be the best baby girl he can be and by the end of the night actually act like one ,not like he already does w/o drinks. he's someone that would share funny stories of you and more than likely babble on about how great you are.

Jongho

Jongho is another one that would love this, but especially if he gets a chance to sing, be it karaoke or following along to a song, you'd probably have so many people asking if he's your partner and how he's so talented.

pls tell me how you think this went,, im not much of a writer and decided to try something out

im also aware that this isn't as detailed in some places, i just wanted a way to get some ideas out but couldn't really think for some :(

[mariyekos]

2024 Writing Count

Oh yeah! I've talked about it on Twitter, but I don't think I've mentioned it here: I'm keeping track of my fics/wordcount for 2024! I did it back in 2021, and then kept track of it for a few months in 2023, but this year I'm back at it again with more detail than ever.

Here's what it looks like. The further I get the more I add onto it as different things come to mind. I love color coding things, so I have a system: 0 word days get red, 1-99 word days get yellow, 100-499 word days get light green, 500-999 word days get medium green, and 1000+ word days get dark green. I also highlight the end of each month in blue to make it easy to see, and milestones (like hitting 50k in January!) are in blue!

More details, including a view of all days, beneath the cut!

Month-by-Month

January was my best month so far. That's when I started the longfic I'm currently plugging away at, which got me most of that word count. As in, it got me over 50k of that word count, because once I realized I was so close to 50k not just for the month but for a single fic, I powered through to the end. January was a month where my main focus was getting ideas down rather than shooting for top-of-the-line quality. You can't fix a fic that isn't written, so step 1 is to write! Right now I'm actually going through what I wrote and re-writing it, which is slow work but worth it.

February was okay. March was a bad month for me, and where I finally lost my "1 word a day" goal. You can tell how hard I was struggling in the middle there, which was from a combination of lack of sleep, lack of time (work and FFXIV prog were exhausting, plus I was trying hard to get through FFVII Rebirth before being spoiled (I failed)), and lack of motivation/inspiration. I got absolutely slammed by doubt and feelings of inadequacy, combined with some realizations about my longfic which means I had to do a MAJOR overhaul that I was absolutely dreading.

April was pretty good! I got slammed by motivation to finish a fic that I'd struggled with before and finally finished and published it. I'd been hesitating because I felt like I was getting that vibe out of another fic, but after struggling with that one I went back to the one I'd eventually publish and had a blast. It was very self-indulgent and I've realized that that's okay! I've rambled vaguely on this blog about it, but it was the fic where I knew I was diving deep into a fanon interpretation of a character that's not really seen in canon, and was worried about how it would be received.

In the end I decided whatever. I know it's fanon, but I love that fanon and clearly other people love that fanon too, so I decided I'd just post it. It has a lower kudos:hit ratio than my other fics but honestly? I don't care. I had so much fun writing it and I got two (2!!!!) whole comments on it so I'm over the moon. If my writing makes even one other person happy, that's fantastic. This fic I decided was ultimately for me in the end, and internalizing that it's okay to be self-indulgent has helped me a lot. When you're okay with self-indulgence, it frees you from a lot of worry and you just get to be happy writing the stuff you love.

Of course, I'm not completely over that. I still really want to get things right. I still do check over things to see how well they align in canon and to try to fix characterization and so on. I still want my fics to be good- it's just that I've changed my standards for what a good fic is to be more about quality than being an exact replica of canon. My current fic (the now 88k Time Travel Fic) is undergoing a massive overhaul right now as I not only improve micro-level things like grammar and phrasing, but also as I work to improve macro-level things like overall flow.

That's the sort of stuff that I think makes me a better writer. It might not always lead to very high word count, but I don't always need to have high word count. Sometimes a low wordcount day where I feel like I improved my craft is more than worth it.

Take these two days in April- ~250 words a day, lower than my monthly average of 1,050, that I'm perfectly fine with because I did more than 504 words worth of work that day, IMO. You can see on the second one that I finished Before the Nightmare, which is one of the DMC novels. That day I didn't get in many words because I spent my time researching instead, and that was worthwhile! On the day before it, I spent time revising the timeline and outlining things rather than adding to the main body of the fic itself, which again I think was more than worth the time! Having WCs is a good method of tracking things. I'm a numbers person. Seeing big numbers makes me happy. But there is more to writing than just working on the stuff readers are going to see! More that is important and improves your craft! Which is why I decided to include outline counts, for one. That and I'm the type of person who writes full sentences or even paragraphs into my outlines that I will take almost word-for-word into the fic itself so I might as well attribute it to the day I wrote it, rather than the day I copy-pasted it in, y'know?

How The Tracker Works

Some other stuff you might notice are the following:

My notes are a mix of me commenting on what I wrote in the fic and me commenting on whatever's going on in my life. For example, on January 17th I wrote "Went back 2 boys fighting convo" which is about what I wrote in the fic, whereas on January 25th I wrote "Super sleepy. Too late" and on March 2nd I wrote "FFVII Rebirth is amazing." which is instead about why I only wrote so much! Going back to my 2021 word count, I found my notes to be a really interesting snapshot into what was going on in my life at the time, so I don't mind making it a mix of both.

In the above, you can see that the Daily WC doesn't equal the Diff (End-Start WC), because in the comments section I mention that I wrote 3675 for another fic. (The 3675 is from the Fic in the Fic box there, while the 801 is from my Time Travel fic, which is the one with 80k words). But on days where I work on multiple fics I'm usually feeling active enough to be happy to do the very simple math of adding two things together, so I don't mind having to combine a few. If you check the picture above this one for March, you can see that the Daily WC = Diff. for every day that has a Start and End WC. The ones where there isn't a start or ending WC is because I just used the word count function in my document program since I wrote so little it was easy to figure things out.

There's also the Fic List section way back in my first picture, which just includes every fic or fic-adjacent (i.e. tumblr posts where I basically wrote a mini-fic that I will one day turn into a proper post) included in the main word count area. I also included the number of days I worked on each by occurrence. Given the way I track things it does mean that a few fics will be missing a few days because I can only mention one in the fic box (while having it function) so only one gets counted per day, even on days I work on two, but it's close enough that I think it's still a good way of keeping track! I copied the document Geryon partway through the year once I started some major restructuring so that one's split in two, but for the count I made the function count both Geryon and Copy of Geryon so it's just up in Geryon. The reason it's split is that I decided to automate that section rather than doing things manually, which means it include the - day and splits Geryon in two which I wouldn't do if I was doing it manually.

2021 Word count Document

As you can see, things were a lot simpler back in 2021. Both in terms of visuals and things I was keeping track of. One of the biggest changes from 2021->2024 was the addition of the Start and End word counts for each day. When I was doing 2023 I realized how much I hated doing the math in a separate tab, deleting it, fixing the formatting, and then putting the number into the daily total.

Then while talking to a friend (@/dithorba) about word counts, she showed me her document which had a start/end count on it and I felt like my eyes were open. So often I would get to the end of the day and realize I had math to do but would put it off, then do it again, then again, and then trying to figure out my word counts would result in a ton of going through document history, restoring documents, checking word count, restoring it to a different version, checking word count, etc. It became a chore that messed with my totals. (Which is funny because I actually love math! That specific math just was a sticking point for some reason). Then Monse/dithorba showed me the way and I decided I'd add that into my document, even if it "clutters" it up a bit by adding extra rows. I still kept Daily Wordcount separate from the total though, since sometimes I'll work on multiple fics so the start to end count on one fic doesn't represent all the writing I do in one day.

2024 Daily Totals So Far

I got so close to all greens for April and I'm really bummed about missing it because I just plain forgot to write more on my one yellow day. Yeah I was struggling a bit, but I could've written more and forgot to make sure I'd hit 100 before going to bed. Oh well. It was a really good month otherwise. I'll probably revise the color scheme in the bottom row later on so it's more evident which word counts had the most days per month, but for now it works as-is.

Last but not least, here's a link to the twitter thread where I go on about this year's writing. It technically starts in December of 2023 because I turned my thread about my longfic into my thread for all my fic writing in 2024, so whoops to that, but good enough.

This post could be longer but it's long enough as it is, so I'll leave it like this for now. Maybe I'll come back and edit it with more information later. I'll probably RB with additions a few times in the year too!

[decepti-thots]

I was in the tumblr tf fandom for a hot second a few years ago and i just wanted to ask, is it still really aggressive here? because back then there was a lot of shipping drama, there were a few callout posts going around (can't really remember about what) and just...a lot of bad stuff. I personally had someone tell me to kill myself because I liked one of the villains. guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, things have chilled out? Cuz I'd like to get back into it but I'm a little hesitant;;;

I'm going to try and give the fullest answer I can in the best faith to this! For context, this blog is a couple years old now, I have enough followers that I get a lot of active engagement on my posts etc, I am very active in TF fandom here, Twitter, and IRL, and while I did not used to be active I have been lurking in TF fandom as long as I have been on Tumblr.

There is absolutely still some toxicity; all fandoms have their bad faith actors, their drama hounds, their shipping Diskhorsers TM. I have gotten hate mail, I know folks who have issue with weird anon haters who are persistent, whatever. But no, it is not as bad as it has been in the past, IMO, not at ALL, and it is 100% possible to have an active, sociable and nice time in this fandom so long as you curate your engagement, with basically no drama at all. Many of the worst folks burned out and left when the fandom got less active and their shitstirring paid lesser and lesser dividends, IME.

People sometimes ask how I maintain such a vocal presence without falling into the still-there drama, and I have some advice that I promise you will mitigate like, 99% of the possible issues you could encounter:

Block whenever you feel like blocking. If you get a bad vibe, if you just don't personally like someone and don't wanna see them, if you see them throwing what looks like a temper tantrum you don't want in on, just block 'em. Remember: blocking is nothing personal towards the person you are blocking. It is not insulting and doesn't need to be 'earned'. Block every single person you think not blocking might even just theoretically cause stress or drama. (I am blocked by several people for reasons no more serious than 'I hate your OTP', and I commend every one of them for doing it and having a better time on this site!)

Delete any and all anon hate. Block anyone and everyone who sends you hate. No exceptions. No witty comebacks. No takedowns. Nothing. You see it and the actual literal second you do, you block and delete. None of it is worth one second of your time. Deprived of the oxygen, they will leave. And you won't be tempted to re-read it and stress out.

In that same vein, if it causes issues, just turn anon off! Turn it off. Personally I keep it on because I simply do not care about the odd troll, but if you care even slightly? Fuck 'em, turn it off, anon is a privilege your followers need to earn by acting in good faith.

Find people you like and follow them, ignore blatant shitstirring in the maintags (again: block people!) and try to curate content and follows and mutuals based on what you do like and not what you don't. Curate positive engagement; do not rely on the general fandom slurry, find what you like and hang out in your own corner of things that bring you joy. If the maintag stresses you out: don't check it. Check the blogs of folks you know are cool instead. Stuff like that.

Fandom should be fun. Fandom should be finding people you like and sharing good times with them, not stressing about avoiding folks you hate, or who hate you. Tumblr lets you moderate how you engage, when, and where more than almost any current social media site; now you can even turn off reblogs and oh my GOD is that a lifesaver function btw. If you want, you can make your blog unsearchable! It means you will need to be more proactive in making friends. But TF fandom is pretty tight knit these days, and folks want to talk a lot of the time. You'll still be able to engage with cool people.

There's way less aggro losers around these days, but more to the point, you can absolutely avoid the ones that still insist on being annoying and starve them out without much effort, tbh.

[sidebaxolotl]

Genuine question how do you justify the idea that God intentionally hurts nonbelievers to "break them" into falling back onto faith? I grew up with this idea drilled into me pretty heavily and as an adult looking back I don't know how to disconnect that message from an inherent message of abuse - love me or I will break you until you do.

Not trying to be antagonistic, I'm genuine here and speaking from experience. this concept has seriously messed with me, and played a part in an internal connection between faith and punishment. Especially since many of my struggles and stressors revolve around my physical and mental health. It took me years to unlearn the idea that my panic attacks were God punishing me, or pushing me to confess something so I would turn back to Him. How can I possibly take comfort from pain in someone who inflicted that pain on me intentionally to "break" me into submission? I get that actions have consequences, but the lowest points in my life have rarely been because of my own choices. I have medical conditions that need medical treatment, and none of those conditions were triggered by poor choices. They're just a thing that exist and it sucks, but they're not my fault any more than an allergy would be my fault.

sorry if this is too much, I just genuinely don't understand your viewpoint and your page seems to be open to discussion?

Ah, yeah this is kinda why i had some hesitation about making that post because i kinda figured someone would take it this way but I wanted to vent about something that was driving me crazy so I did any way. I'll try to explain the best I can though! A couple caveats before I explain this:

1. I do not believe every instance of a nonbeliever suffering is inherently a punishment from God and i would strongly caution people from using this logic 99% of the time--we live in a fallen world and the consequence of that is pain and brokenness for everyone regardless of faith or lack there of 2. However, as believers we do have assurance from God that whatever pain or brokenness we do go through is 100% not a punishment from God. We will absolutely incur pain and brokenness in our lives but God has promised to use it for our good and His glory (Romans 8:1, Romans 8:32, Romans 8:28). And you seem like a believer to me anon, so this point is what applies to you. God is not punishing you.

So ok, for the situation with nbbestie, I'm sure this is whats happening in this specific case because I'm privy to a lot more information about her and her faith than I'm willing to divulge on here. I was discipling her before she fell away, I've been witness to the struggling and suffering on her end, she has told me very personal things about herself and we've lived life together very closely and personally.

And this whole ordeal has gone on for years. This is a very specific case where I've prayed enough and know enough from being there that I understand the situation in a very intimate way. What I am willing to divulge on here is that even though I love nbbestie with my whole heart, she is an intensely prideful and stubborn person. And someone like that has a heart that is too hard and too hearty to receive God peacefully. And believe me, He has already tried peacefully.

As I've seen suffering and and worsening of circumstances fall on all three of us, me and bbestie were able to cope and keep our heads above water--mind you the problem isn't 100% fixed but we asked God for help and he did provide exactly what was needed (+ comfort) and nothing more. Nbbestie did not receive that kind of divine help, and in fact out of the three of us she's having the worst go of it.

She has no idea what to do or who to turn to (we help her and support her as much as we can but its really not a problem than anyone is equipped to fix) and we've had conversations where she has asked me "how do you do this?" or "what do you do?" and when I tell her that I ask God for things or pray to Him about my suffering she has not listened or has directly obfuscated my point. This is not a coincidence. She is asking me for the answer (God) and deliberately not taking it when given because she does not want to submit to God and thinks she can do everything herself. The only way to get through to a prideful heart like that is to crush that pride. And that often means taking away things or affliction until the heart is broken and contrite enough to be humble. There is biblical precedent for this, like Saul of Tarsus pre-conversion. God had to physically blind him and knock him off of his horse before he was humbled enough to stop his persecution and give his life to Christ. Or even figures like Pharaoh who let his people suffer through terrible plagues before he was humbled enough by his own suffering to let the Jewish people flee Egypt. This last part is really hard to understand if you haven't fully internalized the character of God and His sovereignty but I'm going to try and explain this too because this is the most important part and the crux of this explanation:

God is good. Like He is everything good and just and holy and kind and perfect. We need him more than anything else in this world. He is the highest good that can ever be achieved. He is not like human beings with flawed and selfish motives. If you told me that any human being in your life: parent, sibling, friend, spouse etc. deliberately let you suffer so that you would have to rely on them totally i would call them crazy and abusive--these are flawed, and sinful human beings. To do something like that would require a large amount of pride and delusion on an unreal level. They aren't perfect, they dont have all the answers, they are biased, no human being could ever be the highest good in someone elses life like that.

But that isn't God. He is good and perfect. He does know all the answers, He is not biased, He always makes the right decisions. He is without flaw. He is your creator and sustainer and is thus the only thing even remotely qualified to be the highest good in your life. Doing whatever it takes to get you to see Him directly is a net benefit TO YOU. You can take some comfort in suffering and affliction particularly as a believer because God cares enough to use it to help you get closer to Him and His perfect love and care rather than let you continue in ignorance unafflicted.

[khalaris]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Ooh lots of fun questions, thank you @justhugsplz for tagging me <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

61,430 which is absolutely mind-boggling to me. And of those about 45k are Tatort Wien. Which I started writing exactly one year ago. For comparison, I've been writing fanfic for over 20 years and until I fell into Tatort fandom in 2021 I'd posted less than 3k in total.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Exclusively Tatort Wien at the moment. If I ever manage to peek my head out of that particular rabbit hole, I might get back to some Münster WIPs. Not in the near future, though :D

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Aufgeben -> Der Anruf -> Die Welt in unseren Händen -> Bordsteingespräche -> Loslassen

Haha, Tatort Münster with a little sprinkle of Wien. I don't usually sort by kudos, so it's a bit surprising to see Die Welt in unseren Händen rank so high. Well, high in a range between 75 and 34. That's just how it is in small fandoms :D

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, always. Sometimes it takes a while to get to it. But I always want to take the time and energy to write a proper response, because a) if someone else took the time and energy to tell me how they feel about my story, the least I can do is tell them how much I appreciate them commenting. and b) A comment always feels like the start of a conversation to me. I remember the long comment/discussion threads under fanfic on Livejournal and I miss the community of that. Nowadays it often feels like there's this growing gulf between author and reader, probably because of the current content creator/consumer culture that does little to invite equality or discussion.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Silence, a Torchwood CoE fic about John Frobisher's last moments.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Bordsteingespräche. I'm really proud of how everything came together in the end in that one :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, thankfully never.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

If you'd asked me that a month ago, I would have said no. But recently I kind of got over my terminal embarrassment at even trying to write anything smutty. I haven't posted anything yet, but there's several fics/chapters in the works. Tbh I don't find vanilla sex interesting and most of the usual kinks in fanfic are either squicks or a snooze-fest to me. The stuff that I am writing is either weirdly specific kink or just downright unsexy (which my characters are having a frankly outrageous amount of fun with atm, bless them).

I'm a bit hesitant to put any real smut in a fic that isn't actually primarily about the smut. I fear enough people might be put off by that, so hardly anyone would end up reading it then. Bit of a stupid fear to have, perhaps, but still...

(Yes, I know, I should just get over it and simply write and post whatever the hell I want 😅)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've had a lot of crossover ideas over the years, but the only thing I've ever written was an MCU/Agents of Shield thingie I hacked out during NaNoWriMo a couple of years ago. Let's be honest, that combination is the least crazy crossover of all time and hardly counts as a crossover at all. Like 99% of the stuff I've ever written during NaNo, it's completely horrible, unfinished and should never see the light of day again.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've translated Bordsteingespräche myself, but was very unhappy with the result, which is why it's unavailable at the moment. It's going to get reworked at some point.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Many many years ago, when the world was still young and some of you not yet born 😂, the lovely @hope-calaris and I cooked up a tentative plot for a rather ambitious Star Trek: Voyager fanfic. We didn't end up writing that one, but later co-wrote a CSI: Miami one with someone else iirc and I believe there might have been a 4400 (?) fic, also. Due to depression, my memory of that time is hazy at best, though, so it's possible that I'm missing or misremembering things there.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Didn't expect this question to be so difficult to answer, but is kinda is... 🙈 I guess any combination of my 3 Tatort Wien blorbos. Apart from that, Boerne/Thiel and Stephen Strange/Tony Stark are ships I can always come back to.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The aforementioned MCU/AoS time-travel epic.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, especially banter-y dialogue. And editing sentences/paragraphs for maximum impact (when I take the time to do it)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action. What characters are doing, how they're moving, getting them from A to B and so on. Ugh.

External conflict. I despise conflict in real life and find it extremely difficult to write. You won't find an antagonist in any of my current stories or wips. And when I do write conflict between characters, that's always rooted in their internal conflicts and mostly the result of them not communicating properly.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's very hard to do right. Translations in footnotes are annoying and leave me confused while reading. Translations in brackets behind the dialogue also annoying and missing the point of having different-language dialogue in the first place. It can be good when the author puts enough context there that you can get the gist of what is being said without needing an actual translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X-Files. There's probably some 23-year old notebooks in the back of a drawer somewhere at my mom's house that have fanfic snippets mixed with homework assignments.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Oof, that's another difficult one. I have several that are favourites for different reasons.

Bordsteingespräche for the sheer joy and ease with which it was written.

Kaputt for how much of my heart and soul I'm putting into it.

Die Welt in unseren Händen, because after twenty years of trying and failing I am now finally writing an epic long-form multi-chapter fanfic and I have so many plans and ideas for it. I cannot put into words just how wild that is. And I simply adore this version of my favourite characters.

No-pressure tagging @carlomenzinger, @kathastrophen and @all-my-worlds-a-stage if you want to :)

[34saveme34]

Time to make a post about 3 to riot the masses

Right now, I am thinking about how self sacrificing he is

It kind of started with Terrence

So it's within my theory that it was the Graveyard that started his softening, so him sacrificing something from there of all places is hugely significant

He really cared about his lil guy and yet he still did it, he gave that up to save the world

But it's really interesting how after that, it slowly focused in on 4

The way how in the 100 hour live stream he was the one sticking around the longest, sacrificing a lot of his money and time for 4

How with his last breath (at least he thought it would be) he decides to let go of his tendency of denying his feelings, something that's absolutely hard for him to do and tell 4 just how much he matters

Then when the demonic keyboard doesn't want to let go of 4, he chooses with little hesitation to RISK HIS LIFE to SAVE 4

That sticks out to me so much

And it's slowly turning into a pattern

In You Used to be Cool, you can clearly see it again. Clearly pointed out even

When the gun is pointed at him, he doesn't give a shit but when it's pointed at 4? He is shocked and immediately jumps in to stop Eggman from hurting 4

But not himself

And that is scary. It is scary to think about

Especially after his drawing in wotfi 2023, which I think is the biggest evidence of their relationship not just being a joke

Because a lot of the things that you see them do together, you can through either more or less explanation write them off as baseless or you can make it look platonic

But that drawing? Something that only happened with a pairing that turned canon? Also with one being quite self sacrificing? You can't just write this shit off, doing so is just denial at that point

It's just in no way a bit or joke or a throw away reference, that is basically 99% solid proof of their relationship being something more (that 1% is for the possibility that they might fuck this up even with such a solid evidence backing up their connection)

What I'm saying is, I hope with my whole heart that we don't end up with a scene that replicates the scene with the 2 and Eggman but genuinely and 3 actually taking the hit instead of 4. It is a possibility, which is scary

Like I know peope were already catious with that gay ass drawing so I'm here to make that worry worse 👍

[running-in-the-dark]

okay, so, I'm seriously considering getting a cat now (or probably two since they'd be indoor only so that seems better), and I need to talk about that to figure out if it's a good idea.

there's a few things that are making me hesitant about doing this.

we live in an attic apartment, and that worries me. half of our windows open onto the roof. we put fly screens on them (they have a zipper so you can open the window), but those are super flimsy and probably wouldn't stop a cat that really wants to get out. the normal windows also have fly screens, but again those are flimsy.

I once had my dog jump out of an attic window, I think that's why this scares me so much. of course a dog and a cat are very different, and if a cat got onto the roof it would likely be fine (but it might run away, which wouldn't be good).

ideally I'd just make sure the windows are never open when the cats are in the room, but that definitely wouldn't work since it gets very, very hot in summer. that also worries me - we have a few fans and it's alright for us, but I don't know how a cat would handle that with nowhere to go to cool down (I've had cats my whole life but that was always in houses where they could go to a cooler area).

I might also be allergic to cats. I've had three allergy tests, one of those said I'm allergic to cats (and a bunch of other animals), the other two didn't. I can't really tell because cats definitely make my skin a little itchy, but all the people I know who have cats have very dusty homes, and I'm very allergic to dust. so it could just be that. and like I said, I lived with (many) cats for the first 25 years of my life, and it was fine. I was sneezing and all of that all the time, but I'm 99% sure that was mainly my dust allergy (which is pretty well managed at this point). and I'd be alright with sneezing a bit more and having my skin be a little itchy, that wouldn't be a problem.

my partner also really loves cats, but he's never had one. he only ever had one pet, a budgie, and he was pretty young so he didn't have to do much to care for it. so he doesn't really know how much work pets can be and I think he might underestimate that. and he'd likely have to clean the litter boxes etc. because I have.. issues with dirt and stuff like that. I don't think he'd mind, but I'd have to explain that it's not something you just do once a week.

weirdly, I'm kind of most worried about the vet. I've never been to a vet, no idea why but I just never went there with either of my parents. so I dont know how that works, and I'm scared of social situations so that's a bit of a problem. though - my mother knows her vet really well, and I'm sure she'd go with me the first few times and I could figure it out from there.

cost is also a bit of a worry. we're doing alright financially, but we don't really have savings. we could definitely pay for vet bills or anything like that, and I think I'd look into getting health insurance for the cats too (I haven't researched if it's worth it, but I think it would make me feel a bit calmer about that aspect).

I also worry our apartment might be too small for a cat (or especially two). it's not tiny, we have a big living room and the bedroom isn't small either, plus the kitchen and bathroom. so they could get away from each other since there's not just one room. but I don't want to get a cat just because I want one and have it be miserable, that's selfish. I don't know how long we'll live here, probably not more than a few years, but I wouldn't want a cat to be unhappy even for a short time.

I've also never had a cat that wasn't allowed to go outside (ours definitely wouldn't ever be allowed to go outside, even when we eventually move). so I have absolutely no idea what that's like. all our cats ran around outside so they mostly slept when they were home. I assume you'd have to have a cat tree and maybe play with them more actively or something, which would be fine if course. as long as there's enough room for them to do that.

I'd also have to convince our landlord, but I think I could do that. she was mostly worried about us having a cat because one of her previous tenants had a cat that was left alone all day and it scratched the walls around the windows and stuff like that. but I'm home all the time anyway, and that definitely won't change in at least the next 12 months, plus.. the walls are already scratched now anyway lol.

mostly, I think it would just be really good for me to not be completely alone so much during the week. maybe having pets that I need to feed and play with would give me some structure and like, a sense of purpose or something.

the dirt and pet hair aspect also worries me a bit. though, I'm much better with that now (I can touch trash cans again, yay...). and I once had a kitten that peed in my bed every single day for a week, and I didn't mind that because I loved her so much. so I think I'd be fine. and I think the cat hair was only a problem because my mother's house was very dirty and smelly in general, so it was too much for me. on its own I think I'd be okay with it.

we don't go on holiday much, and if we did my brother and his family live really close by so they could feed the cats. in the worst case my mother could probably take them for a while at least (like if I have to go to hospital again or something). so I think that would also be fine.

I don't know 😭 I really, realllly miss having cats but I don't want to risk having it not work out and having to give them back or something like that. but I just really want to have a cat 😭😭😭 every day I think at least once 'this moment would be much better if there was a cat here'.

[fellstcr]

        byleth’s relationship call / permanent starter call !

    NOTE: by liking this post , you are letting the mun of this blog know that it’s okay to:

ask for your dms (privately!) / ping you in messages impromptu !

tag you in random starters !

send in random asks even when unprompted by memes !

basically you’re just formally letting me know that you’d not only like to form a unique bond with byleth IC, but that you’d be open to gaining a new rp partner who may or may not be randomly inclined to gush w/ you a whole lot without it being a bother  ;;v;; 

   p.s. if  you  run  multiple  blogs  (or  a  multimuse  ! ) please specify who/what for via reply so i can get back to you !

TIER — o1 .

                               ( enemies ! )

it takes a lot to get on byleth’s bad side, admittedly (unless you’re a slithers member). however, if your muse is a VILLAIN and you would like to lean into that full-stop versus a... fairly altruistic hero who has the ability to REWIND TIME, here’s the opportunity to! byleth has gone out of her way to stop crimes all across isola of her own accord, and has even joined a guild out of her need to shelter and protect. so it’s all fair game.

                               ( cat &. mouse. )

a step between enemies and rivals! generally speaking, if you would like to have your character engage in the occasional mental spar - or as i like to say, “play 4D chess”, there’s a place for that as well! byleth is not only very heroic but is more than capable (and willing) to get her hands dirty to get a job done. she’s also on board with morality debates, if that’s your muse’s cup of tea.

                               ( rivals. )

is your muse competitive? perhaps they wield a weapon themselves? well, byleth is a famed swordswoman in her homeland, and very rarely (if ever) bested in combat. if that’s something your muse would get hung up over, and would create a friendly rivalry, byleth can handle it. though, do note that it will most likely be a ONE SIDED rivalry. byleth just does not have very strong feelings about competition. she knows her worth as a warrior and has no qualms whether she wins or loses. (if anything, she’ll probably greatly commend you for being able to best her in combat. it so rarely happens.)

                               ( acquaintances. )

your standard meet and greet. byleth sees your muse around sometimes, yours sees her around sometimes. they say hi, might grab a cup of tea or stop by a bakery every now and again. just your classic friendly neighborhood pals doing pal things, without getting into the meat and potatoes.

TIER — o2 .

                               ( workmates.)

byleth works at THE LIONHEART GUILD alongside corvus and others. she is primarily an offensive unit, who also doubles as a medic. if you’re part of lionheart, or their partner guild NO-EX, feel free to hit byleth up! she’s always willing to spend time with her allies. strong bonds begets better results, as far as byleth is concerned.

byleth is also a seasoned COMMANDER, even if she can’t quite remember it in her main/isolan verse atm. so to work alongside her might also mean working under her command, or vice versa!  basically: she’s very, very used to working in team dynamics. both in positions of power and as part of the grunt work.

                               ( partners-in-crime. )

this is more for people who are closer to byleth (cast mate or no). but essentially , whether you work with byleth in lionheart or not, your muse could potentially be someone that byleth considers an equal as a warrior. someone she can count on to make swift decisions and watch her back! and whom she will protect in turn. someone who can be a partner-in-crime with byleth will very rarely need her to speak to understand what it is she needs to get done. of course, being strong allies on the battlefield will also tie into some tier o3 suggestions as well!

                                (mentor / mentee. )

this can work two different ways! if your muse is OLDER, then byleth would be the mentee. someone who byleth can grow close to and lean on. not quite a parental figure, per say, but certainly  someone that byleth can talk to when/if she decides she needs to seek counsel. if your muse is YOUNGER, then byleth can and has easily slipped into an older sibling role before! she’s a natural at it. so if your muse would like to have an older sibling who is quiet, but a very good listener - not to mention someone who will protect you from all harm - then byleth’s your girl! she is VERY good at what she does.

                               ( student / teacher. )

similar to the mentor/mentee, but with combat! byleth is a mercenary by trade and a teacher of combat arts by profession. she’s skilled with basically every kind of weapon you can think of. (swords are her specialty, but she’s also well-versed in bows, lances, axes, hand-to-hand, etc.) she’s also an INCREDIBLE tactician. she knows how to read a battlefield and conduct herself and her units accordingly. if this is an area of interest for growth for your muse, byleth is the person to learn from. :) she’s also willing to learn from others who are just as, if not more, skilled!

TIER — o3 .

                               ( close friends. )

//toots the b support horn// ! listen, byleth very much needs close friends in her life. people she can consistently go to when she’s feeling lonely and doesn’t want to be alone. she’ll be more likely to send a text/letter your way, and coordinate with you to spend time together. she also can and WILL go out of her way to memorize your favorite things and gift them for you, inevitably. those who reach this rank will find that byleth is an incredibly thoughtful and kind friend who will ALWAYS put your needs first. let her dote on your muse !!

                               ( ride or die. )

similar to close friends except you’re one of byleth’s Priority People. her inner circle. you know how introverts have about... 2-3 people they consistently hang out with/want in their lives? you’re one of the chosen few for byleth. (cast members of the blue lions and the church of seiros would automatically fall into this category! i’d also lump the ashen wolves into this category as well, considering what goes on in the DLC. students from the other houses can also fall here with pre-established relationships plotting. :3)

                               ( found family. )

this is the top tier of the top tier list. the bread and butter. the “byleth would actually lay down her life for you without hesitation and would do so GLADLY” vibes. if byleth considers you one of Her Own then there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for you. she’s a thousand times more likely to put her full and complete trust in your muse, which - of course - can be a double edged sword. people in this category, as well as “ride or die” , will find that byleth... is especially vulnerable at this stage. meaning that she’s more easily hurt. she’ll take your words into DEEP consideration, even if they’re negative and/or untrue. your word is god to her, and so to get to this level of relationship with byleth means that you will most definitely be taken VERY seriously by byleth, intentionally or no.

TIER — o4 .

                             ( misc. )

basically for anything i might have missed that might be worth discussing/exploring! i’m not... entirely sure what to put here tbh?? anything that requires substantial plotting/pre-planning/chemistry, basically. hmu, essentially. >:)

[petitelepus]

Hi! May I get a dead by daylight match-up for a killer please?

(You matched me with a survivor before and let me just say your writing.....is immaculate! Also I saw your post about not wanting to write dbd match-ups due to using other peoples art and stuff. You don't have to give me a picture or anything but if you still don't want to do it then I completely understand! Also I do match-ups as well so if you'd like one I'd be happy to write you one! :D) Anyways tysm in advance and I hope you have a good day/night!

So I'm straight (might be bi) but for now I'm gonna go with straight. I use she/her pronouns, my top 3 zodiacs are Leo sun, Aries moon, and Leo rising. And I'm a ENTP.

So I'm kinda short I'm 5'4, super skinny and petite, I don't weigh a lot and I get made fun of a lot for it, and I have pale skin and freckles all over my face and body. I have brown thick hair that goes down to my mid back and brown eyes! I'm not very curvy I have the body of a cereal box but hey I have some nice hips and thighs I guess?

When people first see me I look intimidating due to my resting bitch face but if you talk to me I'm pretty nice and warm! Once you get to know me better I can be very sarcastic well no actaully about 99% of everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcastic but hey I just love some good sarcasm! And I can be very reckless and goofy!

I'm also very feisty and if someone even looks at me wrong then it's on....like I will not hesitate to put you in your place. I can be very stubborn and competitive as well. I also live by the saying "Fake it till you make it". Because thats literally what I do lol.

The other side of me is basically really bitchy and cold I kinda have trouble with feeling empathy torwards people sometimes and I tend to shut people out and isolate myself. I hate talking about my feelings and I cover those up too and I act fine but usually I'm not. Also anxiety sucks......and I have that really bad. I also push myself really hard with certain things to the point where it's just unhealthy and I can't stop myself usually other people have to step in and make me take a break for a while when that happens.

I love dry and dark humor that cracks me up a lot. And dad jokes too....I make a lot of those!

I loves 90's and 80's rock but 90's is the best and grunge music is just immaculate ✋😩. But I love anything under the rock genre basically. (Honestly I wish I lived in the 90's)

I also have a grunge style like I love flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots etc.

I hate spiders I have a phobia of them and will literally die if I see one. And I love horror movies!

WAIT, REALLY? I don't remember, I tried to look it up but I'm blind...! @c@

Y- You would really match me? ALRIGHT, I WILL MAKE EXCEPTION and Match you because you sound like such a sweetie. Remember others, that my Matchups are currently NOT OPEN.

I match you with Ji-Woon Hak aka Trickster!

Ji-Woon couldn't be any more drawn to you than he is already. You're a feisty and not to mention extremely cute little thing and he enjoys watching you, but he wanted you to know that he had his sharp eyes on you.

So when you're running away, he throws a knife at you and it hits the tree bark right before your face, forcing you to make a quick stop. There is a piece of paper wrapped in the knife's handle. You take the paper and quickly read it.

'Meet me at the Fog if you wanna have a good time'

What the Hell did that mean? You considered leaving the message be, but the invite proves to be interesting so after the trial, you wander away from the safe fireplace and into the cool Fog.

You don't know where you are supposed to go until you hear singing. It's not Huntress, but a man, and the voice comes closer until you see the Trickster himself.

"My darling, you really came?" He sounds extremely pleased, like a cat who got its paws into the cream.

"You promised a good time. What the fuck was I suppose to do?" You said and the Killer chuckled. "I knew there was a reason I wanted to see you more... Regularly."

"Meaning?"

"Haven't you dated anyone before?" Ji-Woon asked before grinning, "So innocent."

"Fuck you."

"I love you too."

The singer absolutely LOVES how sarcastic you can be. He could live purely by listening to you slay people, both Survivors and Killers with your razor-sharp tongue and quick witty mind. That's just one of many ENTP traits you have.

Also, your grunge style? Cute. You try to be fierce and powerful and he can respect that, but otherwise, he won't take it so seriously... Until the day you are actually wearing HIS band shirt and he is all smiles as he calls you good looking with a good style.

He can tell when your anxiety is taking over your head and he is that selfish that he thinks his singing would make you feel better. It does, but not as much as The Legion's music does. Good thing that Ji-Woon is on good terms with the young killers.

They will borrow their records to the Korean and he gives them for you to listen to. You cheer up in the manner of 6 songs and you're thankful that Ji-Woon went through the trouble getting you music that you like.

Though, you need to kiss him for not liking his songs as much. His songs are his life and he thrives when you listen to him sing.

Ji-Woon can handle it when you are acting bitchy and such and he doesn't mind it if you don't talk about your feelings. He is a little drama queen himself so he won't hold it in if he is feeling bad.

He understands that you don't really empathize with him and doesn't blame you for it. Also, he is ready to come between you and make you rest and while you may curse at him for it, he doesn't let it stop him from tucking you down so you can rest. He knew what he got into when he threw that knife with a note at you.

BIG YES TO DARK JOKES. He loves them and isn't afraid to 'throw' some at you also! Get it? Throw? I crack myself up.

He also finds your fear of spiders hilarious, but bring him a cockroach and he screams like a girl. This man does not like bugs that need to be burned before they will finally die.

Horror movies? Sure, why not but be warned, this man lives for gory movies where people scream. Reminds him of the home back in Korea before the Fog and Entity. But it also reminds him that without those two, he wouldn't have met you. His spicy little grunge girl.

[xerospaced]

So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Is

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

[arcade-conspiracy]

Hey! Can I get a matchup for Danganronpa & Death Note plz ? I'm a straight girl that takes interest in a lot of things, I like to learn but not in a very academic manner and want to be a polyglott – for the moment I am fluent english and french, next is japanese and arabic cause why not ? I like sports, especially basket-b, videos/cards games, anything that is a game maybe lol ? music, writting, drawing, food, caramel and chips are so additive T-T ugh spicy food psychology and memes ofc.

My personality type is entp, i am independent, polyvalent/moody, honest, sassy, playful but even if at first glance I look intimidant despite being somewhat charismatic to people and dumb I am surprisingly smart and funny ! Top students here hehe and official clown of my school, my family and the town, next is the country.

I am quite prideful and fear being weak and boredrom. I am chaotic good, competitive, ambitious and scarily serious when I want to reach my goals lol also protective of my few friends and the shy/reclused one Beside that I can be interested by anything really, like nowadays who care about flower language ? Me. and even if it doesn't suit the image people have of me : my style is streetwear, i am 5'8. Doesn't that last one sounded pretty arrogant lol ? I am pretty rebelious, intuitive and creative. Low key tsundere ugh but I can be flirty ! Just not comfortable with feelings and physical touch but I don't mind someone more at ease.

Ideal date would be at beach, arcades or just something like walking in town or a beautiful and isolated spot. Even a study date is fine ! I think that my ideal partner shouldn't restrain myself to express my opinion and that in a way I should find something fascinating from them.

I match you with,,,

Mello!

Oh boy does he have fun with you

Not in a bad way or anything, he just thinks its fun to tease you

Though, he can be quite the tsundere himself, so don’t worry about not having opportunities to get him back for it

Because you definitely will have the chance to tease him back

He will not hesitate to insist that hes taller, despite you two being the same height

Its not even important, but he insists. He acts like it gives him more power or something.

He’s grown acustom to to having video games around, due to Matt, so dont be afraid to force him to play with you

Actually, please do, he acts like he doesn’t like them but he does

Be prepared, he can be hella competitive with it once hes in it, though

If you win, gets all pouty,, please make fun of him for it 

He believes the languages you know, and want to learn, is a really useful skill

It’s not that your other interests aren’t useful or interesting to him, because they are, but this one in particular intrigues him

And also because he only believes “useful” things are worth the time, and it’s an actually useful thing to know, but yknow

Hes not big on physical affection, himself, hes better with words of affirmation

Giving and recieving!

Though hes in fact terrible at trying to praise anyone, since it’s just not his normal way of going about anything, especially you cuz you’re you

He puts you higher than anyone else, of course he’s gonna get awkward around you. He’s trying his best tho!

Tl;Dr, Yall are too smart for each other. Just a lil bit.

Hajime Hinata!

Boy howdy, he’s enamored with you

Just absolutely fascinated with all the things you’re good at

He especially loves all the games you’re into, and your writing, though

Your writing is calming to read, since he knows it comes from you, it helps him get to know you better without having to talk to you

And obviously games are something you can do together, whether they be video games or board games, it’s enjoyable to him

He’s not too quick to speak about his feelings, himself, so if that’s an area you’re uncomfortable with, don’t even worry!

There are other ways to express and discuss how you feel without directly speaking about it, and you two have found basically every one, so it tends to be fine

He wants nothing more than for you to be yourself, so he’d never try and hold you back

Even if you’re interested in seventeen things at once and wanna tell him about all of them, he still just thinks it’s the most interesting thing in the world

You being you is what makes him care, so of course he’s going to want you to be completely yourself no matter what

Your humor doesn’t really get to him at first, he’s always too nervous around you to even realize you’re joking

But after a while, once he gets used to it, he thinks the jokes you come up with and the way you make everyone laugh is so special

He’s just too serious sometimes, and tends to overthink so much that humor goes right over his head

Speaking of seriousness, he tries to be serious like,, 99% of the time, so if you get overly serious when you’re stuck on something you wanna get done, he’s all for matching that energy

As long as it’s benefiting you, and it’s something he can handle, he’ll probably go for it

Tl;Dr, He’s a little whipped. That’s all.

[janiedean]

Laviania, why are you so sure Stannis won't burn Shireen "for the greater good"? I mean... it's a classic trope (Agamemnon) and would be one of the ethics questions (one death to avoid many others) GRRM loves? [not on tumblr, but I'm Wirette on Discort - and by the way, I'm still sorry you have to endure this special kind of anon... but I'm also sickly fascinated by it. Like an horror book, see?)

hi! ;) and eeeh. I KNOW. one day they’ll get tired. 

that said, about stannis, very quickly (hopefully):

in the show it was 100% the agamemnon trope, but in the book there is absolutely nothing linking stannis to that guy whatsoever - they don’t have a similar personality, they’re not the same archetype, they’re not fighting a war for the same reasons and it doesn’t add up;

now, in the book it’s not physically possible unless it doesn’t happen in wow because:a) shireen is at the wall, stannis is going to wf;b) so stannis is stuck in the snow same as in the show right now at the end of adwd and shireen is miles away geographically like how is he going to burn her for the show reasons? he can’t, because she’s not there;c) current summary of the situation in asha’s adwd chapter:That tale she had from Justin Massey, who was less devout than most. "A sacrifice will prove our faith still burns true, Sire," Clayton Suggs had told the king. And Godry the Giantslayer said, "The old gods of the north have sent this storm upon us. Only R'hllor can end it. We must give him an unbeliever.""Half my army is made up of unbelievers," Stannis had replied. "I will have no burnings. Pray harder."I mean, he’s not burning anyone in his prisoners/army which is all unbelievers yet and I have to assume he’s burning shireen? okay but not;d) also, theon pov in winds of winter so after asha’s chapter:The knight hesitated. "Your Grace, if you are dead — "" — you will avenge my death, and seat my daughter on the Iron Throne. Or die in the attempt."Ser Justin put one hand on his sword hilt. "On my honor as a knight, you have my word."... so not only he can’t physically burn her, he wants his knights to put her on the iron throne when a woman couldn’t even inherit it in theory and I have to assume that he’d sacrifice her just like that? nah;

other than the above.... before stannis even thinks of going back to the wall he has to take winterfell which is not happening before mid-wow or the end of it because jon needs to join him/he needs more soldiers/it’s most likely the northern storyline climax and possibly davos has to show up with rickon before that happens or smth but anyway shireen is at the wall, stannis won’t be there before the end of the book if he even goes back at all and there’s no guarantee he actually survives the whole thing, so.... what the hell;

now, melisandre and selyse are at the wall and jon is currently dead and selyse doesn’t gaf about her daughter and melisandre would probably burn her thinking she’s doing the right thing so if you’re telling me that shireen dies burned alive because people at the wall most likely the two of them think it’s necessary for the greater good then it’s a way more likely theory, but that stannis would do that in the books is so out of this world to me I’m not even deigning to consider that as a legitimate possibility and ngl I’ve elected to pretend it never happened in any show only fic I wrote because fuck that noise.

now: dnd couldn’t write stannis, couldn’t give a damn about it, didn’t care about his character either way because they started writing him like they were drunk on tequila since S3 and it was obvious they couldn’t wait to kill him off long before his role in the story was exhausted, but since wow he actually isn’t a bad guy they had to make him do something unredeemable so that they could have brienne kill him in one of the top five most ooc decisions they took for any character in these series (because don’t let it be said that I don’t have immense pits of hatred for their decision to make brienne’s s5 storyline about avenging saint renly and looking out of a window because guys I do and no one wants me to hear all the venom I could spit on the topic) and what’s better than going that route when 99% in the books if she dies that way he won’t have a hand in it.

but since I’m here and it’s stannis baratheon loving hours and the show decided to not give a damn, this is where I would like to state that while stannis is the worst at showing his feelings to people and a complete disaster when it comes to show them to her, he loves his daughter way more than her mother does, he educated her the way you would educate your son not a daughter (it was made clear in the books but she didn’t just have the usual lessons daughters of great houses have, she had the lessons sons have that girls aren’t necessarily given), he thinks of her as his heir and not as someone he should just try to marry off, he wants her on the throne when the last time a woman was on it not as a regent in this universe there was a years-long civil war happening because OMG IT’S NOT A THING THAT SHOULD HAPPEN, and he cares about her very damned deeply when half of the other lords in these books would have despaired knowing their only daughter wasn’t the most palatable marriage prospect (stannis & selwyn should found a club for ‘my daughter is awesome and people don’t get it) and the fact that he’s shit at showing it and that dnd couldn’t grasp the concept that a dude who’s actually great at waging wars and might be a tad too strict when it comes to donning justice is also a disaster human being who’s crap at showing his feelings to anyone except davos but loves his daughter anyway and is that strict also because it’s a trauma coping method not because he gets a boner out of sentencing people to die doesn’t mean that the book version is going down the same path. ;)

tldr: because it’d be ooc and show!stannis hasn’t done three things IC in a row since S3. ;)

[sometimesrosy]

Alright I need to ask cause I'm in the positive boat. If you had to bet which episode clarke and bellamy FINALLY share their first kiss in this season what would it be? lol

I think mid season will be the time when we’ll see a physical manifestation of their feelings for each other. This could be anything from a continuation of our hand holding metaphor (laced fingers?)  to some version of a hug/non lip to lip kiss, to getting stuck in an enclosed space all up in each other’s business and clear sexual tension, to any version of kiss on the lips, to full on sex. I DON’T KNOW. There’s an argument to be made for any of it. And depending on your definition of kiss, the chance of a kiss happening goes up higher or lower. Anywhere from 25%-75% by midseason. Talk to me after I see the first 4 eps for more definite guess.  Which one is the one Antonio Negret is doing? I tell you, Antonio Negret directing makes sex more likely. He did a fantastic job with Olicity. And what is that? 8?

I think as season B goes on, whatever happened physically in midseason between them, will add to the emotional stakes and drama and angst of the action heavy season B. If there isn’t a kiss midseason, I see it as nearly definite by the finale. 99% The absolute LEAST amount of Bellarke I see happening is lots of sexual and romantic tension for the whole season ending in a full canon confession in the verrry end, with something like “I won’t lose you again.” linked hands. raising hands to lips and kissing them. “together.” But I think it just as likely that they have a full on sex scene mid season. So those are my two extremes of bellarke canon. Full on sex then angst then together commitment at the end. Romantic pining, sexual longing, and angst for the whole season leading to a gentle confession and physical expression of love. Which way will they go? IDK. Most likely somewhere in the middle. Also I think they did the pining/gentle confession last season so I think they won’t do it again, which makes early sex then angst more likely.

Before listening to all this fandom drama, I was really positive about Bellarke happening in season 5. It’s remarkable how fears and anxieties can just rise up like a tide and sweep you away. But most of them don’t have a basis in reality, I think, and some of them actually take what I consider to be near confirmation that Bellarke is happening to mean that they are saying Bellarke will never happen and we are being baited. And I don’t really understand that kind of circular logic. But it’s shouted with such passion and carried up so widely by the fandom that is more focused on a kiss proving canon than on the story being carefully crafted, that it makes me hesitant to make my predictions. I even came across someone who implied my meta was bullshit and has been twitter ranting about how we’re being baited. It turns out that when someone challenges my meta, I don’t rant, I go deep and explain my evidence on my own time, so this is apparently what I’m going to do.

I think this is the season. Not for established Bellarke relationship, that’s next season, but for them finally addressing their feelings for each other as more than just platonic partners. They showed it last season, with plausible deniability not just for narrative sake (mutual pining) but also for fandom politics sake (too soon! be respectful.) 

Wow. OKAY. So there’s my guess. If you want to know WHY I am predicting this, then you get to read after the jump. Because the thing is, I’m basing my prediction on narrative structure, romantic tropes, storytelling techniques, and ALSO what JR, Bob, Eliza, and reviewers have said about the new season. As well as the ep 1 spoilers (so don’t read on if you don’t want to know.) BTW. LONG because I have a lot.

Bear with me, I’m putting the new details together with my old speculation based on season 4 and development from all 4 seasons. This is to show you WHY I think what I do and that it’s not really about shipping for me, but about crafting a story. 

I’m a writer, and when I write romance into a story, I need to make sure there is enough conflict and uncertainty to make it interesting. It is built into romantic plots. However, my romances happen within one book, not 5 seasons, and fair warning, because romance is not the point of my books, they are not the finale, climax or reward. They generally happen sometime in the middle and then we see an uncertainty, fear, angst and a narrative conflict that might separate the love, leading into the plot climax/conclusion. Because I write sci fi, not romance. The goal is a non romantic one, and the romance is about character development and motivation. So love is HOW they reach the goal, not the goal itself. Which, I think, is the way this show is treated. But, this is my interpretation, and you should know that going in, it comes from someone who is also writing science fiction this way. It’s a writer’s perspective. I am trying to figure out how JR is telling HIS story.

In SDCC JR declared that Bellarke was the central relationship and it has always, in some way, been about their relationship. Listen. This means he has ALWAYS been telling the story of Bellarke. I can confirm, as can the rest of the Bellarke meta community as we’ve been analyzing it the whole time. This is important. This means that not only are we looking at Bellarke in the current season, but looking at the WHOLE show and how it’s developed. Because he did it DELIBERATELY. HIs Bellarke story has taken all four, now five seasons. (huh. he admitted it. it was the plan. it’s not a bait. it’s not fanservice. it’s the STORY.)

So when I look at the WHOLE story, this is what it looks like to me.

Season1: Trust. Get her whatever she needs. I trust him.

Season 2: Devotion. He’d do anything for her, it just makes sense. Bellamy is the key.

Season 3: Commitment. Together (drink poison) I trust you. I believe you. Holding hands.

Season 4: Romantic Love: If I’m on that list you’re on that list. She centers you. You’ve got that backwards. She’ll see how special you are. Sacrifices humanity for him. I got you for that. 6 years of pining.

Season 5:  ???? what could it be? we’ve had The 100 tell a love story by defining the elements of love, so what’s next? The next level I think is Physical Attraction.

In Conageddon, Bob and Eliza said that Bellarke had it rough. That they come back together immediately, trust is in their dna, that they are confused about who they are to each other, about their platonic relationship (if they are confused about the platonic nature of their relationship that means something isn’t platonic or it wouldn’t be confusing,) that it’s an intense relationship (upping the level of emotion,) that it’s turbulent, up and down, and first they love each other, then they hate each other, then they love each other then the verry end…we get something that is described variously as great, sweet, *silence with a smirk* and will make Bellarkers happy.  All of that description sounds to me like a description of sexual tension, except for the ending which sounds to me like canon confession of love or commitment. Or showing them TOGETHER in the transcending romance kind of MARRIED way. Not dating. Committed. Soul mates. Beyond time and space kind of thing. (but possibly not physical at all.)

Some people take the B/E concerns to be proof that there is no Bellarke happening but I take it to mean that there is. Because I’m looking at character and relationship and narrative development over the seasons (as JR said that was the story.) And B/E was always a possibility to push the story from platonic to romantic by adding conflict, jealousy, a choice, and contrast. IT’S A NARRATIVE TOOL TO MAKE THE STORY HAPPEN. We get an article saying there is no love triangle and fandom takes that to mean there is no Bellarke. And the article itself was covered with photos of Bellarke. idk. that’s a funny takeaway. When to me, it was saying the B/E issue would be resolved early in the season. 

The most relevant detail to timing of romantic development, however, is the issue of pacing. Which is a new revelation for us.

Episodes 1-4 happen within hours, apparently. The spoilers from the first episode must happen right before spacekru discovers The Eligius. Whatever happens in ep1 between BE will be brushed aside for the need to do something to GET BACK DOWN TO EARTH. And JR said that when Bellamy finds out that Clarke is alive EVERYTHING CHANGES. Now HOW exactly do you think it changes? What could the changes mean? Why is a way down to earth not more of a change for Bellamy/spacekru than finding out Clarke is alive? Because that’s pretty life changing, yeah? What’s the element that Clarke’s existence could change more than going home? Loyalties. Family. Love. ??? Their bond snaps back into place. Does it override other bonds? Which bonds are in question here in the first 2 eps? Who is unsure of her place in the family? I guess we’ll have to see, but do we or do we not have a question of B/E over B/C?  Could it be POSSIBLE that one of the things that change when B finds out C is not dead is B/E? Hmmm? When B/C was what kept B/E from happening in the first place? Hmmm? Like. Is this not simple math? someone do the math.  I know there’s an equation there. (why do I, miss mama don’t do math, keep putting math into my analysis?)

Anyway, back to the speed. If it’s really moving that fast, though, then there won’t be time for anyone to really PROCESS what Clarke being alive means. Bellamy won’t have time to understand it or make rational decisions about who comes first. Except we know he’s changed his MO, so maybe we’ll see him fighting his own head vs heart thing going on with no time to sort it out. INTERESTING. Clarke won’t have time to settle back in to the family or adjust to not being one of them. Echo won’t have time to make peace with Clarke’s possible usurpation of her place with the family. OR maybe it won’t be an issue at all. Clarke and Bellamy will just naturally slot back into place as partners, since there’s no time for thought… which would leave Echo feeling out of place. Well, we do know that Eliza and Bob did say trust was in their DNA, and they did say that Echo was struggling with her place in the family. So that seems likely.

What does this mean to romantic BELLARKE? It lowers the chance of them addressing their feelings head on. Because they have no time to process or talk. But it raises the chance of them DOING stuff without conscious thought, touching, non verbal communication. Hard to tell until we see them interact, but if you move things fast, and there’s no time to address things, and they are intense and confusing and there is “love and hate” then we’re going to see things boil over without being logical. The emotions that I see as repressed here are going to be their feelings for each other. Love and desire. 

Sorry y’all. I know how many of you think it’s hopeless and have lost faith, but what I see is a really great CANON SUBPLOT of romance trying to break through the danger and action and adventure and survival and fast pace of The 100. It won’t be subjective. It won’t be all told in fades and music, it will be part of the story, and addressed directly. I can’t guess the details, but I can tell you the Bellarke story this season will be canon romance. (Please just remember that it is not a ROMANCE GENRE STORY so it will not be the majority of the plot,  but buried within the scifi survival story.)

I’m apologizing for being pro canon bellarke. Can you believe this fandom? They ship a thing by ranting about how it’s not going to happen. I do believe they are not allowed on my ship at all. Go sink your own, you blorkes.

[giurochedadomani]

I posted 1767 times in 2021

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#1) kinda shameful 2) absolutely hilarious 3) has me watching all his scenes like yes. i so much want that it's almost ridiculou

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Just food for thought: they did show us that Loki knows how Sylvie enchantment works, that sometimes she gotta pull a memory from the person's past, etc. And what I mean to say is that every one of you who has theorised about a very angsty Loki touches Mobius to bring his Earth memories back kind of thing? I think you're onto something 🤔😭

94 notes • Posted 2021-06-28 08:39:12 GMT

#4

you know what. I adore characters miscommunicating for the stupidest reasons, so what about Mobius’ ‘you’re my favourite’ comment coming back to bite him in the ass? Picture Loki making some off handed mention of it, perhaps trying to be a bit of a little shit and getting away with it with a cheaky, but gentle ‘well, I know that I’m your favourite >:)’ and Mobius, who gives compliments left and right, specially when Loki is concerned, 1) having trouble remembering exactly what Loki is referencing, 2) remembering that he. Said that. To Sylvie. Not because Sylvie is actually his favourite, we all know that, but because it felt like something to do! Because he’s nice like that and he wanted her to feel a bit included!

And Loki seeing all of this play on Mobius’ face and feeling a cold sweat washing over him like of course. Of course he’s not Mobius’ favourite. What was he even thinking about. He should be used by now to be second best at best, it’s in his nature. And Mobius noticing a second too late 1) how much Loki must have treasured the ‘you’re my favourite’ comment 2) that Loki is taking his hesitation entirely the wrong way and how is he going to get out of this one. How does he spell it out for Loki in a way that the god knows how much Mobius cares for him but at the same time without spooking him. And just giving off the biggest vibes off: (internally) hey Miss Minutes quick question. How do I tell someone that I’m head over heels in love with them but making it sound casual.

94 notes • Posted 2021-08-09 22:07:29 GMT

#3

A terrible, terrible cursed thought: imagine Mobius 2.0 being the one to point out to Loki that OG Mobius has feelings for him. I don't even mean something sad, or dramatic, just Mobius 2.0 listening to Loki talk, and talk, and talk about OG Mobius and their tva adventures and doing a little, gentle quip of 'okay, noted. Breathe. I get that you two are very in love. Time's ticking, though, so if you can get to the thing, that'd be nice. You can tell me our epic fairytale later, though' and Loki's head is: 'error 404: brain not found'

99 notes • Posted 2021-07-25 21:53:09 GMT

#2

You know what. I'd like to see Loki and Mobius being very publicly defensive of the other. I think it'd be neat. And hella cute. I mean taking into account Loki's story and reputation just picture Mobius explaining to like any other MCU character his deep faith in him, how the god has just so much range and how he's totally capable of not being the villain. Or Loki, who famously keeps everyone at arms' length, who famously keeps a strong façade of 'I don't care if people say hurtful things to me about anyone's opinion because I'm obviously better than everyone', just jumping to clarify, in all his princely assholish manner, that Mobius, this little, unassuming, Midgardian, with no superpowers or fighting skills, is worth more than all the treasures of Midgard put together, and that whoever's speaking should tread veeeery carefully when talking about him, should they face Loki's fury. I mean it'd be so incredibly wholesome.

120 notes • Posted 2021-07-24 15:29:35 GMT

#1

nandor: oh, guillermo can be very weak and annoying and very human at times, you know

guillermo, meanwhile, playing nandor like a fiddle while giving him the eyes: ‘oh, I’m not a soldier like you, but I guess you could say that I live by the code of the warrior’

175 notes • Posted 2021-09-24 11:53:36 GMT

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