#(plus like can be of help vs would only be stuck maybe being helped)

[yanderes-galore]

Hello, may I request a Nightmare Sans vs Dream Sans with a human darling concept, please ? Thank you !

The most I know about them is through Underverse so I apologize if this isn't quite what you wanted! Sorry for the long wait, hope you enjoy!

Yandere! Nightmare Sans vs Dream Sans with Human! Darling

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Sadism, Possessive behavior, Violence, Mentions of death, Forced companionship/relationship.

If I am correct, Dream is drawn to positive emotions, while Nightmare is drawn to negative emotions.

Which gives me this idea...

I think it would be interesting to play around with the idea of them appearing on your highs and lows.

So let's say you meet Dream first, due to an overflowing amount of positive energy coming from you and your universe.

When you meet Dream he's quirky, talkative, and overdramatic.

Just being around him seems to make you happy.

Dream no doubt wishes to act like a protector/guardian around you.

He's drawn to your positive energy and wants to preserve that.

But maybe something devastating happens to you.

An event happens to you and your universe and that manages to catch Nightmare's attention.

Nightmare loves the opportunity to corrupt others, plus, he can just tell Dream likes you a lot.

As a result, Nightmare would pounce on the opportunity to corrupt and use you.

Instead of being greeted by the cheery golden skeleton to help your mood... you're greeted by a sadistic monster.

Nightmare would make it his goal to make you feel worse.

After all, the more pain he inflicts, the more he can control you.

Dream is no doubt going to notice his new favorite human is being influenced.

When Nightmare leaves and Dream returns, Dream is worried when he sees you in such a bad state.

Which leads into Dream cheering you up... and Nightmare coming back to corrupt once again.

A rivalry between these two feels like it would just be a big game of Keep Away or Tug of War.

Dream is protective of you, he hates it when Nightmare uses you.

Dream tells you Nightmare doesn't care for you... he wants to toy with you and use you.

So... you should only rely on Dream to protect you.

He'll try his best.

Meanwhile Nightmare manipulates you by saying Dream can't get rid of him.

Even if Dream protects you and deters Nightmare... he'll never leave you alone.

Nightmare will keep coming back... all to play with you.

You'll belong to no one else but Nightmare.

Eventually the two are going to fight over you when they arrive at the same time.

Dream is quick to protect you, annoying yet also amusing Nightmare.

The two will no doubt then continue their rivalry in a physical battle, much to your dismay.

The thing about this rivalry is I'm not sure if it would end.

They can't get rid of each other fully, always lingering and coming back to you later.

Unfortunately, I hate to say this, but until one of them relents or you die... it may just go on forever.

Dream wants you happy and protected... while Nightmare wants you miserable and controlled by him.

The ultimate battle between good and evil... and until someone intervenes (if they can)...

You're stuck in the middle of it.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INTP here. I have read through your blog and it has helped me a lot on reflecting myself and resolving my past issues. I do have one concern that I hope you can address. I tend to realize I mindread a lot as per your blog description (I’ve read through the entire tag), and am actively trying to prevent judging and assuming people’s intention too early/quickly.

However, I cannot tell the difference sometimes between when I understand a person well, vs when I mindread. I want to try to understand people so I can interact with them better. I also have past experiences with being misunderstood before and want to try to give everyone a chance. I believe this is due to inferior Fe issues along with my ego thinking that I am kind. I also want to believe that I understand people, because I can tell if someone is a red flag but maybe that does not have to do with understanding people.

I came up with some solutions such as paying attention and communicating to other people to clear up misunderstandings, but even then people tend to be indirect in what they say and it turns out they are hurt by what I said or secretly angry at me for a while (I did not realize this until they are actually angry at me).

From writing this, I do notice my contradiction: how would people be hurt/angry at me if I “supposedly” treat them right? I admit that I am wrong for doing so, that I have hurt them, and I hope to address my ego in order to be better as a person for myself and other people around me.

I mindread because I am afraid of people potencially being angry/hurt because of me, even when that did not happen, because my social skills are not that well developed, but I acknowledge there might be more underlying reasons to this that I am not fully aware of.

I noticed that you have great perpection skills when understanding people, and I would like to learn the positive aspects. If possible, can you help shine a light on how I should start? Plus, if you can advise me why why people are indirect when communicating that would be great because I am almost always direct in my communication and do not fully understand the nuances of social context, and I wish to understand and treat other people better

--------------------

Socializing and communication are complex topics, so there's a lot to unpack in your question.

(1) Mindreading: Ne development should help with the mindreading problem. Healthy Ti doms have a reputation for being sharp and adaptable because i) dominant Ti only accepts factual information and rises to the challenge of systematizing it for effective judgment/decisions, and ii) the auxiliary function actively monitors and processes any and all changes in factual information.

But when functions remain underdeveloped, Ti-Si always gets stuck working with a very limited and unchanging set of facts, and Ne-Fe is too small in scope to alert you to other possible ways of looking at situations, ways that might get you closer to the truth.

In other words, healthy INTPs always leave room for error. They proceed through life confidently based on the facts they have on hand but always with the awareness that knowledge is provisional and might need to be updated at a later date. They never believe that they know everything, they always keep themselves open to more information, and they take the extra step to gather information that might contradict or disprove what they already know.

However, being P, the tendency to "prospect" for information can go awry when Ne is unhealthy enough to give rise to Ti-Si loop. The above healthy qualities I just listed can easily turn negative and express hidden ego issues, e.g., by making you feel insecure in not knowing, anxious about getting blindsided, and obsessive-compulsive in needing to know more (due to having no clear goal, unrealistic goals, or constantly moving the goalposts).

Contrasting healthy and unhealthy Ne expression, what is the lesson? If you hope to be a healthy INTP, you have to learn how to sit comfortably in ambiguity and uncertainty. If you hope to be a mature INTP, you have to love a challenge and go the extra mile to welcome and embrace ambiguity and uncertainty as vehicles for learning and growing into a more intelligent person.

(2) Theory of Mind: How does the above apply to social life? Relationships are full of ambiguity and uncertainty, are they not? Sure, in theory, solving relationship problems should be a simple matter of good communication and clearing up misunderstandings.

However, in reality, good communication is very hard to come by. Why? Because… people. Human psychology is messy AF. People contain multitudes, and in some cases, multitudes of contradictions. They often don't know themselves well enough to know what they really need/want/like, let alone communicate these things clearly to another person.

What's worse, what people think they know about themselves can sometimes be false, which leads them in all sorts of wrong directions. You brought up a good example of thinking that you are a kind person, yet you keep getting feedback to indicate that you aren't as kind as you believe. Human perception can be very flawed, so how you see yourself and others can get very distorted. This raises the question of how to navigate the messiness.

The first step is to see and accept people as what they really are (Ti). Humans are complicated. They are not programmed or programmable machines. They can want contradictory things. They can change their mind on a whim. They can say one thing and do another. They can believe wholeheartedly in complete falsehoods. They are capable of reprehensible acts. They can also be resilient, steadfast, honest, loyal, noble, passionate, inspired, innovative, determined, dedicated, empathetic, loving, and altruistic. If humans weren't so complicated, social life would be terribly boring.

If you really want to understand people better, you have to exercise better imagination (Ne) and recognize the full scope of their potential, both positive and negative. When you have a very full view of humans, you'll be quicker to recognize the truth of each individual. But when you have a very small and limited view of humans, you'll find yourself constantly confused or blindsided by their behavior.

Some of this fuller view simply comes with life experience, but the majority of it should come from making an effort to expose yourself to different kinds of people and creating opportunities to expand your understanding of human nature.

(3) Ego Development: What does this mean for improving your social skills? Firstly, on your part, you have to see and acknowledge your own complexity. One reason I emphasize the importance of self-awareness is that, without it, you'll never come to see or appreciate your own complexity.

The way you view yourself at age 20 will be very different than age 40. It's not necessarily because you've changed a whole lot in that time, in fact, most people don't change very much throughout life, objectively speaking. What really happens is that you gradually learn more and more about who you really are over time, and that changes your self-perception.

When you're young, ego development is still in early stages, which means the ego is still in a fragile state. As you build a personal identity, you get heavily invested in seeing yourself a certain way, and it can hurt the ego when that self-image gets contradicted. This leads people to become defensive of their self-image and avoid situations that disturb it.

What they have yet to realize is that taking down the false self-image is precisely how one gets closer to knowing the truth of oneself. One must surrender to the pain of that takedown in order to grow. Are you willing to surrender to the pain of realizing that you are not the person you've always believed yourself to be, that you're possibly a much worse person than you thought?

Until you can recognize the truth of your own complex humanity and the full scope of your own positive and negative potential, you will always struggle to understand others, because it is likely that you will remain stuck in a state of projection. Projection means that your perception of others is always tainted by your own unconscious ego issues, i.e., you don't see the world as it is but as you are.

For example, you are a person who prefers to communicate directly, and this unconsciously sets up an expectation that others should do it too or be capable of doing it. Whenever others prove to be very different from you, you get confused or flustered. Your mind isn't open enough to gather the whole truth about people when your first instinct is to assume people are or should be just like you.

Secondly, on the part of the relationship, you have to acknowledge the reality that, at this moment, not everyone is within your capability to understand and is therefore not going to be very compatible with you. There's a reason why we seem to click with some people better than others. While relationships do require work to maintain, there's a certain point at which the expenditure of effort starts to bring diminishing returns. At that point, it might be time to throw in the towel and admit that the relationship isn't going to work in its current manifestation.

For example, if you're looking for someone who is capable of having a mature, honest, and authentic discussion about relationship issues, then you have to weed out the people who haven't yet developed that capability. It's not about being mean or critical; it's about recognizing the facts of what someone can or can't do and making a smart choice about whether it's possible to have a healthy relationship with them.

(4) Exercising Good Judgment: Making evaluations of people and relationships isn't easy because there are a variety of factors to take into consideration. One problem Ti doms often run into is that they don't take enough factors into consideration (inferior Fe), i.e., they are too undiscerning and often just passively take whatever relationships come their way.

When you approach relationships too abstractly or intellectually or flexibly, you can easily fall into the trap of thinking that any relationship can work in theory, if only you did this or they did that. In reality though, the effort it would take to implement those changes wouldn't be worth it due to diminishing returns, or those changes are simply infeasible (and you might slowly destroy yourself or the relationship by trying to force the change).

An important step in acknowledging your own complex humanity is to admit that you have needs, preferences, and desires... AND be okay with them changing over time, as you learn more about yourself. Needs, preferences, and desires should be informing you of what kind of person is best suited to being your friend or partner.

There are billions of people in this world. If you want a positive, enriching, and fulfilling social life, you have to be proactive and selective in finding the right people for you to keep company with. There are only a few basic criteria that need to be present in every relationship, such as: kindness, trust, empathy, etc. But what about the other qualities of the person? What does your ideal friend/partner look like?

(5) Navigating Conflict: An important aspect of having good social skills is accepting the fact that conflict is necessary for relationships to grow over time. A relationship without disagreements and problems isn't a real relationship. The question is whether the two people involved are: i) committed enough to the relationship to make things better, ii) equipped with the relationship skills required to resolve problems properly, and iii) on the same page and want the same things out of the relationship.

To the first point, not everyone you meet will be as committed as you, so you have to use your best judgment about whether it's worthwhile to continue with them. Also, reflect on how committed you are to a relationship and whether it is accurately reflected in your everyday behavior. Remember that Fe is an extraverted function that requires taking action and cannot only be about empty words or silent intentions.

To the second point, as long as both individuals are willing to learn and improve their relationship skills, there will continue to be hope for the relationship to get better. Although, keep in mind that the learning process isn't always linear and smooth. There will inevitably be steps forwards and backwards.

To the third point, you can discuss with people what they want out of the relationship, what their goals are, or what they hope the relationship can become in the future. A relationship has a greater chance of success when there is agreement about which direction to go. If people refuse such discussions or don't take them seriously, then it casts serious doubt over their commitment, which circles back to the first point.

It sounds like you are motivated to improve your social skills. If people aren't being honest with you, you have to get to the bottom of why. Perhaps the problem lies mainly in you not really hearing what people need from you because you keep failing to address the feelings they are communicating, which is a common communication problem. If that's the case, you need to work on your listening skills and communication skills in general. Perhaps the problem lies mainly in the other person not being able to express themselves honestly for whatever reason. Or it could be a combination of the two.

The best you can do is welcome people to be honest with you, by guaranteeing to them that you can handle the truth and encouraging them to speak directly. However, you have no control over whether they can do it. It's their issue to deal with and there's no forcing it.

[pinazee]

The Old and the Restless

The first episode to include another Spencer! Now, granted we don’t get much here other than henry doesn’t seem to get along with his dad and maybe doesn’t like the idea of his son being around him. Plus, I don’t think he’s ever mentioned again. I was hoping the introduction to grandpa spencer would give us some kind of reason for why henry is so controlling. We could possibly infer, strictly based on his personality, that grandpa spencer wasnt the most responsible and that henry, as elder brother, took on the brunt of taking care of the family. I mean, you could possibly even go as far as to say grandpa spencer had some run in’s with the law and thats how henry got interested in it- out of spite of his own father and thus leading to the idea that spencer sons resenting their fathers is like a family curse (i think thats actually a thing? I have a vague memory of someone saying it at least). But again, this is all speculation because we never see him again. Grandpas also act differently with their grandkids than their own kids too so who’s to say what it was like for henry growing up. Either way, this flashback really emphasizes how strict henry was, and the more flashbacks i see, the more saddened i get by how downtrodden little shawn is every time he shows up. Liam visibly shrinks when he sits next to him, its heartbreaking. But im glad his grandpa stuck up for him (which is probably why he never saw him again).

The way they pop up here makes me snicker

I love the fast one they played on henry! Shawn knew there was no way he would help unless he thought he could use it as an opportunity to show him up (because his dads a grade A asshole).

I also have no respect for men who call other men girls as an insult, especially when one of those men is his own fucking son. So you gotta imagine shawns heard that kind of bullshit his whole life, so i kind of give him a pass when he makes fun of gus for not being manly enough, though thankfully that seems to dissipate in later seasons so we can call it character growth (though i think it was just the writers, or maybe james, who decided it wasn’t very funny and just hurt the character). Henry has a lot of ground to cover before he can get redeemed in my book. He’s just the worst. im having a much harder time with henry during this rewatch.

Gus is being absolutely adorable here. This episode really made it seem like Gus was henrys kid too, not only because he’s completely comfortable sleeping on his shoulder (I’ve never felt that close to my friends parents at least) but also because he’s giving shit to henry as much as shawn is and i love it! It makes sense too considering how often gus was at his house, henry practically raised him as well.

This is a semi good shawn vs. henry episode. I wish they would have highlighted better how shawn and henry gather their information in different ways but it was more like Henry got some pieces and shawn got pieces but neither had the complete picture so they ended up just working together instead of against. I think i’d have preferred if henry was seeing all the same stuff but shawn actually came to the right conclusion, or that shawn showed kindness to the right person and got the key piece of info that way because ultimately its how he connects with people that separates him from henry (simply because henry is pretty good at seeing the same stuff shawn does a lot of the times is all).

“Just this time im going to teach you a lesson” just this time??? Thats literally all you do henry! Thats like your whole thing!

The way Henry says this makes it seem like he was struggling to call Gus his life partner haha

Shawn and gus both knew of african gambian pouch rats, so i can only assume they watched a nature documentary together haha Sidenote: i randomly looked up african gambian pouch rat to see what they looked like and they’re being used to sniff out tuberculosis apparently?!? Crazy stuff man.

Lassie just wanted to straight up incarcerate a child. Thank god karen became chief over him- could you imagine??? Shawn would definitely have been locked up in the pilot. Gus wouldve been killed next to mira or something, juliet would still be in miami. Buzz wouldve been fired or killed by that serial killer. So many crimes would’ve been unsolved and so many people would’ve been locked up and innocent. So again, thank god for chief vick.

The indian blood bit gets a pass simply because of the line “they were here first” and gus’ response “im not hating on indians im hating on you” I dont think its terribly offensive but it is a dumb stereotypical joke. It just kind of makes me sigh and shake my head.

Why is gus always trying to get shawn to taste blood?? Does that show up later? Is this a consistent thing? Its just kind of weird considering gus is really squeamish around it? I think its Gus’ way of trying to prank him but he’s like really bad at it haha Also i didn’t like gus’ face there. It made it seem vaguely… nevermind. Its just weird lol

I dont like the B story with juliet and lassie. I think i did at one point because juliet put the fear of god in him and inadvertently that same fear in the others which was fun, but this kids a fucking creep so i don’t think theres any combination of words that would cause this character to suddenly become respectful and it might be the most unrealistic thing to happen on psych, which is truly saying something. Its just one of those scenes you can’t overanalyze so I won’t! Its fun! (But like, thats what im doing here so jk). I did enjoy the “scared straight” subversion moment. Prisons great kids. Its like summer camp. Also his friends name is “white slavery” and idk what to do with that information except point at it with my mouth open in amusement.

I just like how lassie does his “strike two” and im doing that from now on.

Overall its not one of my fave episodes but heres some gifs of some of my fave moments

[o0anapher0o]

I’m going to play a little game of what they should do vs what they will do predictions for the finale. Some of these will annoy me more than others.

(Should is based on what I would like to see/think would be most interesting/satisfying and what I think would make the most sense for the characters. This is not saying this would necessarily make the best television, a factor the writers unfortunately have to consider.)

What should happen:

Hen has a conversation with her wife and kids about her carrier, and in the end (with their support) decides to become captain after all. (Karen can remind her that being Cap is on average safer because she wouldn’t be the one running into trouble head first. Plus as Cap she would make the schedule thus ensuring she can actually be home for important family mile stones.)

Buck gets trapped and/or severely injured/thought to be dead in the collapse and everyone has to band together to rescue him, reminding them how much they do actually care for him and how much he’s been caring for them all this time and that they have maybe neglected him a little bit recently.

Athena is given time to work through her complicated feelings regarding Chimney (ideally aided by her new friendship with Maddie) just as Chimney gets the time to get over his guilt about Bobby’s death. They remain connected through their loved ones and rebuild their relationship gradually.

Eddie and Chris return to Texas (I’m sorry, even before last ep they had already written themselves into a corner with the whole move there. He literally spent all his savings, plus money he didn’t have on a house there. There is no objectively good reason for him to move back. Nor for Chris.)

Athena invites Buck to move in to her new house. She’s only doing it out of pity and in a bout of temporary insanity (she insists that’s the only reason), but hey, she had the space and the poor guy needs a place now Eddie’s back in his house (since the point above is definitely not happening) and it’ll make the place feel less empty.

Buck is justifyably wary and withdrawn around Eddie, which the others take note of.

What will happen:

Gerrard will somehow be incapacitated/be removed for incompetence from the building collapse, leaving Hen in charge so she (and the audience) can remember that she can and should be doing this job actually. Follow through on that realisation will be hinted at but not come to fruition until season 9 (possibly a few eps in, depending on how much they think she needs to be punished for saying no in the first place).

Buck will get trapped in the collapse and have a break down, because he thinks he’s alone and no one will come for him, because nobody needs him anyway. They will all save him and teach him that he was being a silly billy because of course they all love him, they’re a family, they just needed time to grieve.

Chimney and Athena will be forced to pair up and work together to save themselves/ save the others during the building collapse. They’re either trapped together or the only ones stuck outside. By the end of the emergency they have made up and everything is hunky dory between them.

Eddie will be desperate to help his friends/with the building collapse even though he’s no longer a fire fighter here (he’ll find a way. Maybe it’s his turn to call Tommy.) Afterwards Chris will suggest moving back because he has understood how much his dad needs his family and how much they need him here.

I’m giving a 50/50 of BuckTommy will get back together and Tommy asks Buck to move in with him, and Buck ending up on Maddney’s couch (again) and helping out with the baby (how does their house not have a guest room btw?).

The fight from last episode is resolved and will never be mentioned again.

I’m being incredibly salty at the end of the season and I historically have a terrible track record of accurately predicting TV shows, so don’t take any of this too serious. I will be playing bingo with these when I watch the finale though.

[hydrangeapartridge]

Sooo I finished Veilguard (my opinion and heavy spoilers under the cut):

I'll start by saying I am a huge Dragon Age fan. Origins was my first RPG and that series is a favourite of mine. I loved all 4 games even if they are imperfect, they each have their moments of genius.

If the beginning of the game felt "rushed", as in unknown Rook thrown into the stopping Solas deal like that, and then having a list of people to recruit to help, the more I played, the more I grew found of this Veilguard team and this game.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to produce a game while taking into consideration the amount of things that happened before and please the old fans and new audience.

Maybe I don't need much to enjoy a game but after 10 years I'm just so happy the game is out, running without bugs, beautiful graphics and with writing that to me isn't bad or worse than Inquisition or DA2. It depends on characters and quests but I still grew attached to wonderful characters (gosh Emmrich...) and some moments of emotion as well as a rather good pacing. I'm not a hardcore gamer so my opinion on gameplay is what it is but I had fun in most battles and boss fights and didn't feel like running from point A to B without understanding what I was doing.

Of course I would have loved to see Fenris again for example, or hear from Hawke, but I understand we can't have it all. I was at least happy they mentionned Felassan.

Regarding the lore, it felt weird for a second having the crew dissect Solas' regrets and tying together all the secrets and mysteries of the world, but I'll accept it (I know, maybe I'm a bit too indulgent but it's in my nature, I take the positive side of things: we had answers)

With that said, thoughts for the last quest and the ending:

First, I'm so sad that you can't end the game without sacrificing Harding or Davrin. I picked Davrin first not knowing what would happen of course and seeing Assan plunge into the blight after him was HEARTBREAKING!!! I can't imagine being less sad seeing Harding meet the same end... There is no good choice, like between Minrathos and Treviso... but ouch it hurt. It don't know if they should have made more choices available for that part? maybe.

Then I chose Bellara to disable the barriers and I found it unfair compared to Davrin's end that she's completely blighted and then magically cured at the end. I would have liked a recruitment by the wardens for example (takeback to Carver and Bethany)

That part plus the attribution of roles for the battle was very Mass Effect like (Bioware duh, Kaidan vs Ashley is a known trick but I was surprised they did it here). It's a mechanic I enjoy (I kept dear Emmrich safe by my side! poor man had to climb that huge tentacle. That and the coffin, so much exercise in one day... Good thing he does his morning stretches).

The devs made an effort to emphasise that saving the world is risky and has a cost. I suppose it's a change from the perfect playthroughs you can often do without losing anyone. Still, I love happy endings so I'm sad about that part.

Then the Varric thing. I kind of saw it coming because despite avoiding spoilers, people talked a lot about him... And by the end of the game I found it weird that he was still in that infirmary. To think that I was so relieved when he supposedly didn't die at the beginning... I felt like a fool. I was an easy way to bring me to tears since he's a loved character. I was a sobbing mess saying goodbye to him and though it was an easy way to make me feel things, well it was well executed in the sense that they took their time with it and the voice acting and dialogues were on point.

The scene in the lighthouse with Varric's empty bed only twisted the knife in my poor heart. I was so sad bc of Davrin and Assan and Varric that the scene with Emmrich almost felt weird. I mean, it was perfect and a good way for Rook to change her mind and reunite after Rook was stuck in the fade (which is brushed over a bit too quickly. It has been long given they had time to forge a dagger and it wasn't emphasized enough I think). But that last romance scene was nice especially after they fought before the fight with Gilhanain (I like that a lot! made it feel real, and also I liked how Emmrich started apologizing during the quest).

Then about Solas:

I love Solas but he kept betraying us so much that I almost started not wanting his redemption XD. Rook is very kind-hearted to offer it to him... Let's be honest we do it for Lavellan.

My dear Lavellan. They didn't miss her portrayal. young elf thrown into a war, a mere mortal in pure hopeless love with an ancient god, robbed of her arm, of her vallaslin, discovering her beliefs are lies... Yet still standing there and forgiving Solas, offering to be eternally trapped with him. Her heart. I'm a fan of that kind of love story so that ending was perfect for me (ar lath ma vhenan <3)

Overall, it was a great experience. Made me cry, made me laugh, made me fall in love again with the series. What a day to live the return of Dragon Age, especially with such an active and wonderful fandom here (I know there are a lot of haters elsewhere and I'm not going there XD).

I'll do a review of the companions and their quests soon.

[awellboiledicicle]

I pondered some on the lead up for a courting season in another reblog because I've been plagued. If the link doesnt work its bc its 4am and I'm on mobile. Attempts were made.

I thought about bower birds too lol.

Ooh that would add salt to the whole previous thing with Tamala on Hassains end-- I feel like they both did their lead up, maybe spent a season together under the "committed but not looking to have kids yet" idea, and then she decided she was bored and dipped. So now he's even more committed to his gifts and gestures being exactly what would be expected because hes afraid of deviating maybe being why that happened. I imagine actually sitting down and making things for a new partner would help him process some of those emotions. Not to mention if hes courting a human, I imagine him doubly underlining his wants and needs in the relationship and being very insistent they're clear on what they want too. Just so hes not caught by surprise again.

Oooh you raise a wonderful point-- I imagine the discussion phase in more rigidly structured larger cities is very... is it socially advantageous to have another child? We're courting because our families arranged this, how do we make this work without killing each other the rest of the year? All the flowery things like what pet names (if any) you'd like or the actual sexual negotiation is probably dropped in favor of families working things out for their children/younger siblings if lacking parents. Which might well just mean couples like Eshe and Kenli are very common because it was good for the family unit as a social move vs emotionally fulfilling.

Which would also explain why Kenyatta is still an only child. Eshe firmly putting her foot down on more children after doing what she agreed to at their pairing, while Kenli attempts to make emotional bids in his bumbling way.

SPEAKING OF THE DAIYA FAMILY

Nai'o and Kenyattas relationship feels like it's probably stuck at the "literally would be trying to get married officially were Eshe not politically capable of burning them to the ground". Because while Kenyatta likes pissing her mom off, if Eshe cut ties? Boom she suddenly has nothing to offer outside herself and shes probably been raised to think that plus not having a strong Path means shes essentially showing up to the nest building party with a single pull tab. Nai'o meanwhile knows hes not great for a big city standard match up. But emotionally fulfilling he can do. A happy life she could settle into, he could do. He's just also essentially got a pull tab and maybe a bottle cap because his family's farm isnt exactly huge. He doesnt have his own house. Inheriting it would also be inheriting the financial risks too-- plus it'd be split with Auni. A human rounding out the throuple would probably allow them to settle in with a lot more wiggle room.

I feel like Auni dreads courting season. Mostly because it means more chores. Most places are closed and theres more house to house mail bc people are either staying in or respecting others being occupied. Hes learning how things work, but hes also 90% sure whenever he hits puberty he'll just be put in the Do Chores While People Do Lovey Gross Stuff jail too.

Reth and Tish, ooh yeah that'd be something. Tish is TECHNICALLY more well off socially speaking. Shes doing well on her Path, her shop does fine, so on. But she might also be anxious about even pondering courting someone in general let alone seriously due to her health. Reth would probably dither about it for a lot of obvious reasons. Hes not even showing up with a pull tab. He's not even stealing someone else's shiny things. He's not even sure hes able to fully offer himself, due to his work. Essentially he'd have to get by on pure charm and rely on the other parties resources.

Meanwhile Jel just locks himself in his shop for three weeks because, socially, until he is recognized by his family it would be like taking a flying leap off a cliff and hoping the other person has something solid to latch onto. Which given his general disposition, and the fact he has 6 siblings, probably means he was raised to view things like the big city norm. If he doesnt expect his mother to pick out someone for him until hes worthy of bringing his family clout to the table, then he at least expects not to be desirable socially until then. A human courting him would give him quite a shake to the ol mental guidelines.

I do like the idea of Chayne essentially handing out birth control and heat suppressing medicines, for people who are family planning or have decided kids arent for them yet/ever. I will take that from a/b/o lol.

And I keep imagining humans throwing the social calculus off for a lot of people because we're down to work with p much any situation. We have no Paths or actual Starsigns to work off of. Universally we have no generational wealth. Personal resources vary but we tend to community build and I'd bet money that during courting season humans after the resurgence take up a lot of slack for majiri. So the average person is at least passingly familiar with the situation by the time a majiri tries courting.

Deeply amused by imagining trying to explain to a majiri that humans are essentially always in courting season mode, since we can conceive whenever based on individual bodies. But things like sexuality and romantic orientation and so on tick through things. And then theres some of us that are fine with sex, we just don't feel romantic love so the hormones are there, the impulses just aren't. Some dont do sex or romantic relationships but want kids. So on.

Meanwhile through all this Jina spends approximately too long pondering how many cycles until human mating and courting behaviors show. No one has told her that happened within like a week. Mostly because I imagine it's a rather public process for majiri-- given the pins. So the assumption might be made that it would follow like that for humans.

Meanwhile shes also kinda screwed if she wants to court a human. Not because of the human, but because she'd start getting wrapped up in what her father would say if it got serious and shes on a research trip so any resources she could offer would be a "trust me" kinda thing.

Me: (taking a break at work)

My brain: What if the majiri have mating seasons. It's just another cycle thing about them.

Me: why

My brain: imagine the weeks beforehand are customarily for courting and anything outside of that is considered just kinda flirting. But if someone gives you stuff in that time it's basically saying "I very much want to be serious about this". And the actual season is mostly understood to be for weddings, spending time together, and trying to have kids if you want them.

Me: I have been zoned out for five mins pls I have paperwork

My brain: I imagine Hassain would have like five layers of traditional gifts to give. Hesitantly, because being serious is scary after... well. Reth meanwhile is pretty sure giving food wont cut it, because he always gives food. He's begging Jel and Tish to help him. Jel meanwhile is convinced that if he doesnt make a good enough house outfit his prospective partner will leave in disgust. Tish has spent three months on a bedroom set. There's carvings on all the wood. Hodari wouldn't want to admit to himself that he's been squirreling away an array of gemstones; he wants to give them to someone special but its Complicated.

Me: pls I need to scan

My brain: no, only fanfic plotting

[godzexperiment]

*posts that brain rot only to post more xD* -nix encountering gabriel is quite literally an inner dialogue like "ah yes I can work with fellow victim of Cosmic Horrors, if I am tolerated and just maybe ignore my own issues." (could be bloody, having just done some fatal stabbings *highly moody* and nix is just like unphased by it) -ironically, in contrast encountering michael for nix would be far more terrifying for nix (his internal everything would be like 'neat- this is cool and he seems pretty adjusted... so how about you feel like you're in extreme danger despite that' and nix is just forced to be cagey as shit more than normal by forces out of his control)

[fluideli123]

I liked your post about plural Raph and specifically about the part that maybe Mind is fronting when trying to calm down Raph in Man vs Sewer— we don’t usually see mind front, we know him best as a head mate that raph (or others somehow) talk to. So maybe mind doesn’t like/want to front but gets triggered to do so when Raph is in (specific) emotional distress. I think it could also showcase how Mind is acting as Raph like you mentioned but messing/mixing up by speaking in the third person.

100% would be down for more posts/headcanons about plural Raph. It’s so interesting and makes a lot of sense with what we’ve seen in the show (even as someone that is not really familiar with plural persons he does seem to be heavily coded that way)

I also really like to think that Raph’s family knows and is totally cool with it, but it also makes me wonder if they would want to speak to a specific head mate at times (leo asking for mind Raph)

You’re completely right about Mind fronting! I believe the only time we see them fronting within the series is when they are helping Raph’s brothers and possibly even Raphael himself. As for the reason as to why Mind may not front often have a whole headcanon based on it (and a few other interpretations you can decide if you agree with or not!) 

First off, how I explain Mind not often fronting in my Figuring It Out series on Ao3 is that they are an Internal Self Helper! They base much of their energy on caring for the Shard System’s Inner World and systemmates who aren’t fronting, like Red and Savage. They have this catalog within the Inner World that Mind files away information on each headmate, their world, and other important stuff! This also kinda falls into their roles as an Overseer, Archivist, Companion, and Steward. 

So, Mind is busy a lot of the time taking care of everything and keeping the System afloat in case something happens. Especially since in the series Red and Savage hate each other (for many reasons I won’t spoil) which causes a lot of shit to happen without Raph knowing about it. Since his only connection to the Inner World is Red unless he’s not fronting. Mind is also the only being Savage trusts because Mind has worked for a very long time trying to gain his trust and showing that they just want Savage to feel safe and remain healthy. 

Mind is an important part of the integrity of the system, hence why they don’t do much on the outside! Plus, they’re Front-Repelled! It’s very hard for Mind to front unless a negative or positive trigger is strong enough to force Mind to font. Such as needing to care for whoever is fronting or their favorite music!

Secondly, other reasons are 100% possible in every context! I haven't really dug into looking up different reasons beyond my headcanons, plus I haven’t come across many Systems discussing how some headmates may not front so I’m not too well informed on other possibilities! But I can come up with some on the spot. Such as the fact that Raphael or whoever is fronting may be front stuck/front anchored, leaving Mind unable to. Mind might instead be front repulsed instead of front repelle. Or their system may work by using Front Gacha and Mind just isn’t a randomly selected fronter very often if at all!

In conclusion, I think your thoughts on Mind not liking/wanting to front is completely true and it’s honestly the most fitting answer not only based on my headcanon but also canonly since they seem to be more helper orientated! But this can be interpreted in different ways depending on what you or anyone else may want to interpret Plural Raphael as since each system has a unique experience and there is never just one answer! 

For the second part of your question I AM SO GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY! I have like- years of build up on Plural Raph just waiting to be released and discussed LMAO. After I get done with my first fic in my series that centers around Leo the next story is literally centered around the Shard System and I’ve wanted to talk about them from the moment I planned out their story in the series! They’re such complex and interesting characters that experience the world differently and hold characteristics that are nowhere near what we see from Raphael in the series, movie, or comics! Obviously in my headcanons there is some overlap because they’re a kind of Median System, but it still doesn’t change the fact that they are just such interesting characters and I love talking about them! I’ll probably make a post about them! Unless you guys ask me specific questions about them (which is honestly easier to do since there’s so much to cover)! 

As for your side comment regarding not knowing much about Plurality, I was 100% you at one point! The best way I recommend learning more about the diverse community is by following tumblrs based around Singlets asking questions/posts about systems! I will note that while it’s always good to learn about different communities, unless you’re a part of the community, I don’t at all recommend getting involved in discourse/arguments! If you want to know the Tumblrs I recommend following 100% hit me up in my DMs! 

*Cracks knuckles* Okay, to answer your last and final comment on, “if they would want to speak to a specific head mate at times (leo asking for mind Raph)” I just have to say that that is an excellent wondrous brain you have there bringing this up because I’ve actually written about this in my series! Here’s an example from my most recent chapter: 

"Oh!" Leo opened his eyes again at the sudden shout, ignoring how his heart jumped and his stomach slightly dropped. "Raph, I forgot I got the list of food facts Red asked me to get from my teacher! Do you still want me to send them to you guys or…?" April politely gestures at the red thread bracelet on Raph's wrist.

[Removed paragraphs]

Raph glances down at the bracelet April had gestured at for a split moment before the body's expression changes completely, lighting up like a kid in a candy shop as the body leans forward towards April excitedly. 

"Food Facts, ey?" Red responds, thrilled, voice naturally deeper than Raph's. April grins as everyone else chuckles at his genuine and well-known passion for food. 

"Well, I guess I got my answer then," she teases as Red rolls his eyes, smirking as he leans back in his seat, a finger wiping at his bottom eyelid. 

It was one of the things Red did when he fronted. He once explained it was because he has a black goop constantly pouring from his right eye in the inner world. When Red fronts, he can still feel it there even though it isn't there when he's controlling the body.

While this isn’t a universal experience within my fic with Mind and Savage, for Red he at least fronts with a positive trigger (food facts)! He has other triggers such as keeping the body/Raphael from harm, so he’ll take control of the body/front when on Missions and someone is in danger. Plus, Red also gets forced to the front when his negative emotions become intense, especially when those emotions are from someone outside of the system, such as Raphael’s family! 

I haven’t written the chapter yet regarding Mind and Leo interacting, but it’s 100% a thing in my book! I write Red and Leo having a friendship in my fic, but Mind can have a direct connection to Leo since he’s able to walk into his headspace as seen in Insane In The Mama Train! Plus, I think Mind is like a mother, they have the vibes for it, and I can see that resonating on a fundamental level with the four turtles because of their neglectful father. 

So, I think Mind is an important person in their lives as well. I have a headcanon I’m planning to write about in my series where Mind would sometimes front to comfort Raph when Splinter wouldn’t. Singing Lullabies to Mikey when he had some bad nightmares from his Intrusive Thoughts (which is another thing I expand upon in my story/have a lot of headcanon about). And that Mind formed on some basis from the lack of a parental figure in Raphael’s life and because he had to become the parent to his siblings at such a young age. That kind of stress and trauma just kinda helped Mind form over the years, especially when Splinter would become distant and a neglectful parent more and more (which is thanks to his Depression, which is another thing I have a lot in thoughts on and is also expanded upon in my series. Honestly by this point it should be expected everything I say is in my series and something I would 100% talk about when asked). 

If you want to keep sending in questions for me to dig deeper into all of this in a more narrow manner, please be my guest! I have a hard time trying to not be so vague so any specific questions are very welcome! But it’s 100% fine if you don’t have any! 

Thank you so much for the ask! I can’t wait for more! <3 

[charmixpower]

I think Aisha killing Valtor is a funky idea

Do I think It should of happened in canon? Kgjdkd not really. Do I still like the concept? Yess

Valtor royally fucks over Aisha and she never gets to pay him back for that

Maybe Aisha is the only one that can use the water stars bc they exclusively vibe with her

But the main reason I like this idea is bc it robs Valtor of any final victory he could possibly have

The personal victory of being defeated by someone who he considers worth the effort of fighting

He doesn't even get the chance to ask Bloom for help, or try to manipulate his opponent bc Aisha doesn't give a shit about what Valtor is trying to sell

He gets to scream into an uncaring void

She isn't naive and easily confused like Bloom

Plus I think it would be a slight relief for Bloom

Imagine having someone out there that killed your family, and wanted to use you that you were connected to via the thing they stole from your sister (?) that died to protect you. They always knew your location bc they can sense you, and you could never forget about how much danger your constantly in because you can sense them

It would be like being stuck in a room with the walls closing in. You can see doom coming and can't do shit about it

Plus Valtor is a much older and experienced manipulator and Bloom is inherently naive due to the fact that she's only been in the magical world for three years

He can very easily shape the narrative around himself and attempt to control how she feels about him, and Aisha coming between that and protecting Bloom from being gaslit and controlled is a good concept for me

I wouldn't want to confront him either fnsnnsnsns

Give the two opposites (Bloom happy to go from a normal girl to a princess vs Aisha trying to go from a princess to a normal girl + water/fire dynamic) some chances to bond a little

Plus I think that Aisha should of gotten at least a little pay back for being blinded ndskdjne just a little, as a treat

I like Bloom's plan from the og, her off the wall nonsense is so much fun bc no one has any clue what the fuck is going on but her, I just wanted to talk about this concept

[mazegirl168]

Basically "the vote" for president is really fucking overloaded. Many (rightfully and not so rightfully) push it as the be-all end-all to everything in U.S. politics (and by extension everyone the U.S. fucks over).

And it partially is. The person in the center is the face of the government for those four years (plus or minus impeachment / death). People do feel empowered seeing a like minded person in that office, whether it's an "ideal" candidate or a trash candidate. We definitely saw white supremacists feel more okay expressing themselves 2017-2020.

But of course we're stuck in the fucking political binary. Everything has to come down to red vs blue for many different reasons. The fact you can only vote for one candidate is so fucked up (we need ranked choice voting), and there's of course efforts to try to keep people from changing the status quo. When's the last time you considered a third party vote? Maybe in 2016 you considered Gary Johnson (Libertarian) or Jill Stein (Green Party). Then you heard Kang's voice reminding you voting third party is throwing away your vote.

The other day I had wandered onto Wikipedia's article for Ralph Nader wondering what the hell he was up to these days. A decent chunk of the article is just about how he "spoiled" the 2000 election, taking away votes from Gore, and similar concerns for the 2004 election. For context, Nader received 97,421 votes in 2000 and 463,655 votes in 2004. The latter would likely not have changed things (Bush won by 3 million votes, and it would take electoral college fuckery for Nader votes to help Kerry win), but the 2000 election was a good bit closer (Gore led the popular vote by 543,895). Anyway, the popular legacy of Nader these days is the guy who got us George W. Bush as president twice.

So we are most likely stuck with the fucking binary choice of red vs blue, with alternatives not being viable (and labeled as throwing it away / enabling whoever does win).

It is however still January 31, and the election will be on November 5, 279 days later. There is a chance we could see a good third party candidate become viable. I would fucking love this. Upset the fucking status quo. But I don't know shit about how to make that happen and/or who would work. My best guess is that it would come from a combination of promoting third parties in lower level offices (city, state, etc) and pushing hard for ranked choice voting (so that the Nader votes could still have counted for Gore). Realistically it'll be a long process to get a third party president, happening after we get more left people in Congress putting pressure on the Democrats to compromise with the left.

As for the 2024 presidential election, at the moment I'll probably grit my teeth and vote for that genocidal fucker Biden over that genocidal fucker Trump, because at the current rate we'll still be stuck in the stupid fucking political binary, and Biden, while being a genocidal fuck, at least can resist starting nuclear war when someone says he has a small penis. Even if the value of my vote is smaller than Trump's needle thin dick, it still has an effect on everyone's future.

UNTIL THEN, AND EVEN AFTER, we should absolutely be putting pressure on Biden and the rest of the Democratic party. The other day there was a thing about him getting booed in my hometown and allegedly he looked worried. KEEP IT UP. Do not let any of these fuckers forget what they are enabling. BOIL THEM. Let them never forget what they did.

Also a quick thing I want to bring up was the aftermath of the 2016 election. A whole lotta democrats were quickly ready to blame "identity politics" for losing the 2016 election, saying they shouldn't have focused on including queer people. They won't give a shit if we vote otherwise, they'll just find their own reason for why they lost and blame it on a scapegoat.

That said, if you're still really hellbent on not voting in the binary, then I think we need a consensus on a third party candidate to vote for. If you just don't vote or vote randomly, it'll get labeled in the history books as "voted other" or "didn't vote". If however everyone picked the same someone, it would be a clearer message of dissatisfaction. For this I'd like to initially propose "Weird" Al Yankovic 'cause he's a cool dude. Probably won't be the final choice (assuming such unification happens), but just throwing him out there as an out-of-the-box starting point.

As mentioned before, there are still 279 days. Things can still change. My vote is not definitive, I'm open to seeing how things develop while still doing what I can to push for a better future. Hell, maybe Kang and Kodos will actually show up and we actually do unify around a third party.

TL;DR We're stuck in a 2 party system, but don't vote quietly, vote for positions other than president, and do anything you can outside of election day to make things better.

the other frustrating thing to me about the "we need Biden to lose to make the Democrats move left" argument is that you could make the exact same argument for why Hillary losing was a good thing, a d yet Biden is clearly not any better on Israel or immigration than she was. so why didn't it work that time, and why would it work this time?

to steelman: Hillary didn't lose because of an organized attempt by leftwing voters so there's no signal there. if you had a large number of voters vote for a third party (the ceasefire party or something similar) you could send a much clearer signal about how and why Biden lost the election.

of course, this runs into another issue - you need to be able to convince people that 1. those voters would have actually voted for Biden if he supported a ceasefire (and leftwing youth are not, uh, a reliable voting bloc in the best of times) and 2. that they outnumber the group that voted for Biden that would not have voted for him if he didn't support Israel, or would have supported Trump (which makes them count x2 for this kind of thing). and i think those two things combined doom the initiative

[vagandfags]

I can kinda see Kirin x Martha happening? Like they are both protective characters they just show it in different ways. Plus Kirin is bluntly honest which is a good contrast to Martha habit to deny and says shes okay no matter. Also there is the whole seeing things in black and white vs marthas understanding. Thirdly martha does stand her ground even when its against people she likes which I feel like after s2 Kirin would respect. I just feel like they could be complimentary together.

This is very interesting and I like your reasons! I can back being complimentary together.

I can see Martha being Kirin's guide to being more calm, like she's dealt with a hothead for a long time (Toni, I love you) (this also can back what you're saying about Martha standing her ground and Kirin respecting her because I could see Kirin being proud that she can do that with her bestie), and Martha had helped Rachel in S1 breathe rather than keep panicking when she was stuck in the ground. And if she can reach Kirin like that I can see him still being his blunt self but be softer than shown so far.

I can also see Kirin giving Martha fighting tips (physically and mentally) because Martha does like to deny things and he could give her the courage and belief that she can in fact survive what is thrown at her. "You okay?" "I'm fine." "Bullshit. Punch into my hands." I can see that happening.

I could see them bonding over helping care for Josh. I know Josh just wants to forget the whole assault (understandable. martha had to change the world in her mind to mentally survive her trauma), but that isn't something you can just forget. And since Kirin already has a bond based around J's assault, I feel like Martha could trust them and if Kirin can help her maybe they both can help Josh. Now I'm just picturing Kirin as their safe place. Imagine the soul power of that trio.

I don't think Toni would approve (at least for a long while) but Kirin would be so protective of Martha that Toni would have to cave and approve.

The only thing that I feel could get in the way (and it would be totally on the writers) is the fact that looks are always going to be at play. I'm not saying because Kirin would find her unattractive (and I also want to say that I find Martha to be one of the prettiest on the show so this in no way is dissing anyone's looks) but I'm afraid that writers won't let the athletic hunk get with someone that doesn't look like Barbie 2.0.

[kewltie]

contains: emotional/verbal abuse & intimate partner violence but not b/t bkdk

izuku left japan to find himself after the death of AM then he come back yrs later, happier and with a new boyfriend, who is completely attentive and devoted to him; he's so good to izuku... too good.

izuku introduces his bf: isao hiroto who is quirkless, working a teacher and is completely normal much to the surprise of everyone because they assume izuku would would to date someone in their hero work but izuku was simply looking for someone who pay attention & care for him. he wasn't looking for anyone special just someone who loves him as much as he loves them ya know? the fact to hiroto is quirkless is a plus because they can relate and understand each other better and hiroto is so kind and sweet to him. he never ask for more then what izuku can give him. so izuku cant be anymore happier then right now because he's quickly making his ways up the hero ranking, he's back home with his friends and family again, out there saving and helping ppl, and he got the world's most perfect bf who is so supportive and understanding of him.

they met when izuku was doing a talk about quirk discrimination at a hero training school in vietnam and hiroto was one of the teachers there. hiroto approached him about his lect on quirklessness and being isolated and mistreated in society and they connected from there. hiroto is also a huge fan of All Might and if he wasn't quirkless he would have followed in AM's steps, becoming a hero and maybe AM wouldn't have die then because he would have the power to save him... if only he had a quirk, if only he was AM's successor which was a red flag if an, but Izuku didn’t see it back then! he thought hiroto was one of AM's many fans like himself and his weird thing about quirk vs quirklessness was just someone who had to worked v v hard to get where he is because the world favors those in power and hiroto had suffered under it like izuku had. so yea izuku felt like they had a lot of in common and they could relate to each other because if izuku hadn't gain OFA, maybe he would have ended up like hiroto, working some place close (training heroes) but far from his dream. they bonded and izuku thought he met his true love.

it couldn't be any more perfect for izuku because this is the life he has always dream of, doing what he loves,surrounded by friends and family and a great and loving partner by his side but the more success izuku has in his career the more chinks in his fairy tale romance is reveal. it started out w small things: hiroto being annoyed when izuku come home late or when he has an emergency at work & cancel their plans, hiroto making lil digs about izuku's friends & colleagues because they're heroes they dont understand the plight of ordinary citizens like him.he e would put a friendly exterior for izuku's friends but criticize them behind their back. izuku felt like he was stuck b/t a rock and hard place because he understands where hiroto is coming from someone who used to be powerless but they're his friends & he KNOWS THEY'RE NOT BAD PPL. so izuku felt like he was balancing two diff lives the him who is out there saving lives and making a diff, a larger then life figure, and the him he was pretending to be an ordinary person with an ordinary bf but both felt neither like him and hiroto doesnt make it easier either.

when izuku missed too many date nights and was supposed to hang out with hiroto and his friends but had to bail midway because of emergency situation that needed him, they had a big blow out about it. izuku explains that they needed him out there so he couldn't leave them hanging.

hiroto spits back ,"I needed you too or am I not important enough for you because i would never bail out on you because of my job!"

izuku says, "that's not the same thing. innocent lives are at stake for me."

and that's when hiroto's eyes darken to something imperceptible. “oh, you're saying because you have a quirk you're so much better than me. what im doing is isn't as important as you!" he shouts, banging his hand on the table so hard it shake.

izuku flinches because even though he's used to seeing violence in work but in his own home is something else.it was just an outburst, hiroto doesn't mean it, izuku reasons, just like how he didn't mean to hurt hiroto with his words. it's a misunderstanding.

it happens all the time because right afterward hiroto looks regretful. "im sorry i shouldn't have yell. i promise i wont do it again." he hugs izuku and whispers platitudes and apologies into his ears until all the warning bells in izuku are silence and all izuku knows are the love and warmth in hiroto's arms because sometimes the ppl we love hurt us but they dont mean to, it was an accident. it's ok, THEY'RE OK.

the thing is it's not like hiroto doesnt know what it's like to date a hero or that izuku cares deeply about his work and about the ppl he help but hiroto twist it into something that izuku has to feel guilty like for not being able to be a hero properly and keep his bf happy. izuku feels so much guilt about it that he takes hiroto to AM's grave and revealed his secret to him about AM, how he didn't get his quirk late but he inherited his quirk from AM so he always feel like he got something to prove like he's carrying AM's legacy on his shoulder. that's why he cant devote so much time to being there for hiroto. he hopes his explanation would bridge the distance b/t them and come to an understanding why izuku is the way he is... but hiroto upon finding the truth that IZUKU was quikless like him BUT got lucky to be chosen.

the inferiority complex, that hiroto quietly tucked inside of him all this time, stirs because here is izuku who was born quirkless and dream of becoming like a hero like their idol all might but was lucky enough to be pick by AM and became one of the best heroes in the world. izuku is famous and much loved by the world, he gets to save ppl and ppl KNOW his name and how he is just because izuku was lucky... while hiroto had to work super hard just to get where he is and even then he couldn't ever become a hero because he wasn't LUCKY. HOW IS THAT FAIR??!!!!

zuku had hoped by revealing (some of) his secret, he would be able to connect with hiroto and have him understand him better, it would smooth out the wrinkles of their relationship except it make it 100% worst now because hiroto feels izuku doesn't deserve the life he is given. he loves izuku's kindness and empathy but he resents the status and privilege his quirk had given not even recognizing what kind of horror and trauma a kid like izuku had gotten into when he inherited AM's legacy on his small shoulders back then because hiroto is fucking narcissist.

so it begins: hiroto plays into izuku's guilt and weakness, making izuku feels like he's not a good lover, that he doesn't put any effort into their relationship, that hiroto is doing all the work and that hiroto loves him but izuku doesnt do enough. it's manipulative AF. the thing is izuku cant see the red flags when hiroto never hits him. he'll yell when he get angry but who doesn't yell when they're angry riiiiight?? and he'll slam the door or punch the wall but NEVER hit izuku so how can he abuse izuku when all he does is make izuku feels bad. he'll guilt trip izuku when izuku want to hang out with his friends and doesn't invite hiroto along even though hiroto make it very clear that he doesn't like izuku's hero-friends because he think they're looking down on him because he's a civilian and quirkless, inferior to them.

so izuku hang out with his friends less and less because he doesnt want to upset hiroto. hiroto takes care of the house, making him dinner, and does so much work for their relationship so why cant izuku CATER to him just this once? it's not like hiroto is asking too much. even when hiroto is angry, he does it because IZUKU MADE HIM DO it if only izuku didn't make him so upset look at how much izuku HURT HIM by not listening and obeying him... all these things fucked with izuku's head, have him believing that hiroto is trying so hard to make them work.

after every fight, hiroto is always extra kind and attentive to him. he would take him out on a date, buy him a new AM figurine, and watch the new hero flicks that izuku always wanted. "sorry, you know i love you. i really dont mean all those things i said." his apologies always sound so sincere... but it happens again and again. the tension build up b/t them, he get increasingly hostile then their bubble burst into shouts and broken vases and "this is all your fault, you did this " then the "im sorry, i love you, you know". its a cycle and izuku doesnt know how to get off of it because 90% of the time hirito treats him really well it's just when izuku doesnt do as he say, then he'll get pissed and izuku feels like he's walking on eggshells around him because he doesnt want to make hiroto unhappy.

It’s like when ochako invited him out to celebrate her making into the top 20 and hiroto doesnt want him to go even tho all his friends are there. izuku wants to see them badly but hiroto make it clear it's her or him. it's extremely tough but izuku chose his friend in that moment. he only went there to congratulate her and hang out for like 30mins then make an excuse to leave just because he didn't want to upset hiroto any further, saying goodbye to his LONGTIME FRIENDS who are all looking increasingly distressed by izuku's strange behavior lately. izuku goes so HARD to accommodate hiroto's feelings too but it's still it isn't enough because the moment he got home their bedroom is a mess and all his stuffs are outside because clearly izuku CHOSE his friends over their relationship; he doesn't care about hiroto at all.

izuku tries plead with him like he's the one in THE WRONG while hiroto is like, "you're always like this. you dont care about our relationship and don't put any effort into it so how can anyone love you? you're so lucky that i even care at all because who would ever put up with you?"

it dregs all izuku's fears & insecurities up because hiroto knows exactly where to twist his knife deeper because he believes no matter how much success izuku has he will always be that anxious, insecure and helpless boy before all might found him. he didn't have anything before ALL MIGHT. the thing is hiroto is WRONG v v v v wrong because izuku's strength and courage was enough to moved all might but hiroto doesnt know that and doesn't want to believe that izuku was worth something for all might to choose him out of everyone else... even hiroto himself.

if this was any other situation or any other time in his life before hiroto he wouldn't have easily believe in those filthy lies but hiroto had dig his claws into him and made him feel so worthless and helpless that izuku believes in every damaging single word that hiroto had spoken. so with the words "who would ever put up with you?" playing in his head, izuku tries desperately to repair their relationship and make promises that obey hiroto next time because isn't that what it means to be in love, to accommodate each other's needs and accept their flaws?? which IS BULLSHIT but izuku is too far gone and warped by hiroto that he believes he wasn't being a good partner and nobody else could ever love him like hiroto who DOES SO MUCH for him already. he's just not doing his part so he got to work harder to please hiroto and do better.

so izuku becomes more withdrawn from his friends and family. he goes to work then hurry back home to hiroto. he lets hiroto monitor him his cellphone just to know where izuku is at all time so he doesn't worry ya know..?? and ask hiroto permission just to eat lunch w his friends. his friends start to notice it ofc and one day when ochako and tenya forcibly corners him to talk to him alone. "tell me you're alright," she demands. they want to know what's going on with him and his bf and hiroto has done anything to him??? and izuku just laughs it off.

how could hiroto ever do anything to him??? hiroto may get mad and hit things but never HIT him and every little words that hiroto sharpens the knife against him may hurt but he isn't wrong. izuku just need to be better. and his friends immediately realized how toxic that is. they tell him to break up with hiroto because IT'S UNHEALTHY AND SHITTY the way he makes you feel. a relationship shouldn't be built on who put the most effort and what can you get out of it, he's making izuku miserable and dependent on him and izuku doesnt even realize it. izuku argues that's not true because HIROTO LOVES HIM. he does so much in their relationship and izuku cant even do one little thing like going home early to him is just izuku not committing to their love, but his friends ask him sincerely w all their heart: "are you happy like this?"

and izuku stops, eyes wide and he chokes with so much emotion. "i-i dont know." he shakes his head. "i dont remember what that's like anymore. i always feel terrified when im home like im going to do something to set him off because everything i do is wrong."

his friends sigh and drag him into a hug. "it's okay, it's okay. we'll figure this out." izuku for the first time feels like at ease in the arms of his friends.

then he got back home later that day and hiroto is FUCKING pissed because izuku didn't txt him where he was the entire time. izuku tries to say he had an emergency at work so that's why but hiroto can read him like a book just demand where he truly was and when did izuku got use to lying to him even tho this WAS the first time but he's like you lied this once so who said you never did before. so it put the guilt back onto izuku's shoulders.

izuku tries to say i was just meeting my friends it wasn't a big deal but hiroto is like YEA your FRIENDS WHO HATE ME, they prob told you to break up with me right??? izuku flinches and hiroto smiles like a shark scenting blood.

"i knew it," he says, "your friends just want to ruin us. they see the two of us together happy like this and they want to get rid of me because they think im not a good match for you because im quirkless and not a hero like them. they're fucking prejudice against ppl like me."

"that's not true," izuku argues. "they're not like that at all! they're good ppl who are worry about me." hiroto just stares at him. "why should they be worry, huh? do i hit you? or hurt you physically in anyway? how can i a quirkless nobody like me ever touch the no.1 hero?"

"you could easily fling me to wall and break my bones with just your fingers. Im defenseless against you. i cant even do anything to stop you. you're the one who has all the power in this relationship, izuku," hiroto tells him. "im just doing my best to love you but you like to make me into the bad guy."

"it's because you love playing a hero so much that there must always be a bad guy for you, huh?" hiroto demands, stalking toward him. "this is why it's impossible to love you, izuku. you make is SO DIFFICULT but i put up with it because i love you but it isn't enough for you right?"

izuku steps back, eyes downcast. "n-no, i never thought it like that. I just wanted to see my friends and they said." he pauses. "they said we're not good for each other, but i-" he hears a crash and looks up to see hiroto threw the AM's figures he bought to the floor.

"WE'RE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER?" hiroto shouts. "your friends think we're NO GOOD?? THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHING about us so what right do they have to assume this?!" he starts breaking more and more stuff around their room and izuku feels helpless like he cant do anything to stop it.

izuku is the no.1 hero, fought so many villains, and has the most powerful quirk in the world but still in this moment right here: he's afraid, terrified that he's going to piss hiroto up more because that's how much influence hiroto over him. it's not about strength it's about power.

there's a clear and distinctive power imbalance b/t them. to outsiders izuku's success, fame, and fortune make it seems like he has the upper hand and dictate the pace of the relationship but in reality hiroto is the one who has all the power and control over izuku's life.hiroto manipulated and fucked with izuku's head enough that he thought he was choosing to give up all but it wasn't never a choice, it was coercion. he made izuku thinks he's doing all of this out of love that he cares so deeply so why cant izuku does this ONE lil thing for him.

"I'm sorry, im so sorry hiroto. i promiose i wont listen to them because i know you love me and i love you and we're going to get through this together," izuku begs, putting the blame on HIMSELF even though its not his fault and that's how he has manage to keep izuku in line.

so later, izuku in order to please hiroto tries not to engage w his friends outside of work and avoid hanging out w them which is one of the isolating measures that make izuku feel increasingly alone like there's nobody else he can turn to and develop a dependent on hiroto alone. when his friends prod him about it, izuku says: "we're trying to work it out so pls do not interfere." which is a huge red flag but hiroto hasnt done anything 'illegal' technically because he hasnt hit izuku or lock him up so they may not like what hiroto is doing but it's not illegal. a lot of what constitutes as abuse is still perceive by many ppl as more a physical issue so izuku not have any bruises or cut on his body just make him not a victim in other ppl's eyes even though THERE'S CLEARLY A PROBLEM and izuku is being emotionally and verbally abuse.

so izuku's life now revolves around his work, hiroto and occassoinaly he gets to see his mom. now, hiroto has no problem with inko as she's just a civilian even w a quirk and her quirk isn't even that 'special' so she doesnt pose any threat to him or his place in izuku's life. they often visits her and they just have dinner together where hiroto plays the part of the perfect bf and son in law. he's kind and generous and willing to do anything to make izuku happy, so how can inko not be moved? and he's quirkless so he understands where izuku came from. when they're with inko are like the perfect couple together so sweet and loving that inko never notice that there's anything wrong. it's not her fault for not noticing the signs that her son is trapped in a volatile and toxic relationship because they convince her they were happy.

izuku doesnt want to lie to his mother but he cant bear to tell her how miserable he is and how hiroto is basically running his life and he feels like a puppet under his strings because she looks happy about his relationship... but it's only because she thought he WAS REALLY HAPPY too. at home he feels trapped & walking on barefoot on broken glass in his own home as he dance to the tune that hiroto sets in order to please him. then when he's w his mom he feels like a doll propped to act out a lie in order to sell his mom the story of this perfect happy couple. only at work when he's out fighting villains that he feels a sense of safety and comfort because hiroto can't touch him here so he throws himself into work because it all he has left and katsuki starts to notice izuku's increasingly erratic and almost suicidal behavior in battle.

the thing is it wouldn't take katsuki this long to notice izuku's strange behavior if he didn't spend most of the months that izuku came back transfered to another region because he couldn't stand the sight of hiroto and izuku together as he is in love with izuku. katsuki wanted to confess to izuku right out of UA but izuku went overseas to figure himself out and be the hero he wants to be so katsuki was willing to wait for izuku come back to properly confess and chase after him but izuku came back with hiroto and that ruined his plan lol.

unlike izuku's friends & colleagues who really doesnt have any particular strong feelings toward hiroto, he's just a normal nice dude, positive or otherwise, katsuki made his dislike of hiroto v v v clear to everyone because he sees right through hiroto's nice guy image and bullshit. a scum can recognize another scum, katsuki thinks bitterly. he knows he doesnt have any right to izuku as he yet to earn it but this bastard is such a fucking fake. he pretends to be a gentleman in front of them but his eyes look upon them with contempt and thinly disguised hate.

despite how pissed he is about izuku's new bf, he's trying to be a better person to deserve izuku so he had to separate himself from the couple and go to another region to cool off and not like ruin izuku's happiness even tho during that time katsuki left izuku became miserable. if izuku can go oversea to find himself so why cant katsuki temp take resident in another region to sort out of his feelings and come up with a plan to win over izuku's heart without like murdering hiroto lol. he's not running away or giving up!!! izuku is basically it for him.

once he make up his mind one something/someone not even heaven or hell can move him from it. he's a stubborn old dog with his fav chewed up toy that he didn't know how to treasure back then and now it belonged to someone else but he cant let it go either, or doesnt want to. so he spent more than half a yr traveling around japan and working with different agencies and heroes just to grow and improve himself enough to come back as someone worthy of izuku. katsuki is thriving in the new environment and learning so much that he's ready to come back now. except when he came back it's to an empty eyes izuku who seem lost all life in him. he's so, so pissed because he's been gone for half a year and this shit happened without him there. none of their friends could do anything to stop it?? he's just so angry at them but mostly at HIMSELF.

if he was there he could have put a stop to this shit, he thinks as though to reassure of himself that he hasn't fail izuku too. his first thought is to immediately confront izuku and demand him to leave hiroto already because clearly hiroto is rotting izuku from the inside out. he's not good for izuku!! katsuki so angry that he, himself, had LET hiroto fucked with izuku's head like this as though izuku is his responsibility.

"break up with him," katsuki insists, having corner izuku one day after right after work. "cant you see he treats you like shit!"

"kacchan, what right do you have to demand me to break up with my own boyfriend?" izuku asks, voice unflinchingly steady but his words are sharp as a knife because the truth cuts deep and bloody. "you weren't here all these months so how can tell me you know he mistreat me?"

startles, katsuki is taken back by the coldness in izuku's words. in that moment he doesn't look like someone who was emotionally beaten down by his bf. he was deku, the no.1 hero, all might's heir, and the greatest of their generation yet... katsuki sees the tremor in his hands.

"you cant tell me this is what you want." katsuki sneers. "when was the last time you hung out with your lil nerd squad? do you even have a fucking life outside of your asshole of a boyfriend? and dont think i didn't notice you recklessly throwing yourself at every villain. you're deku! you dont have to settle for this crap!" katsuki says. "you can leave him anytime. you dont have to let him hurt you." which has good intention but ripe with victim blaming mentality because it implies that izuku willingly accept is situation and chose to live like this.

most of the time the ppl around us who loves us means well but they're not in the our shoes so they dont understand what it's like to be emotionally entangled and manipulated like that. there's so much more to it then 'just leave' because they got it your head and convinced you cant.

Izuku's eyes are watery against the accusatory tone of katsuki's words. it may not be what katsuki meant but it's all he hears. you deserve it. you brought this on yourself. you can leave anytime but you CHOSE to stay with him. this is your fault. you deserve to be unhappy. "kacchan, while i appreciate your thoughtfulness but you don't know anything. please dont interfere with my life anymore. you're just an outsider," izuku states. he's so angry and hurt but even when he's that upset he gently and cruelly let katsuki down; it's kindest rejection.

katsuki is left stunned as izuku walks out. he didn't stop him. he legs wont move and the words are clogged in his throat. he felt he has been majorly wrong and misunderstood izuku but he cant refute what izuku had said; he has no right to interfere with izuku's life. they're (ex)childhood friends, classmates, & colleagues but what else? nothing really. he's not one of izuku's idiotic bffs or his partner on the field like todoroki. in some way hes no better than a stranger but he couldn't leave this well enough alone. couldnt leave izuku alone.

so he go at it another way, going right to the fucking source and uproot it. he stalks hiroto's school and pulls him right out in the middle of class much to the shock of everybody. he drags him up the roof of the school and demands him to, "stay the fuck away from deku."

katsuki is all grown up now, he'd learned his lessons and can claim maturity as his badge of honor after so much hard won fights but in some way he's still that dumbass reckless rid w zero thoughts in his head because only deku can reduce him to this lvl of juvenile and instinct.

“Or?" hiroto asks, unimpressed even in light of katsuki's anger. "I'll kill you," katsuki threatens because he's a dumbass and the thought of a person of his rank and stature threatening a civilian doesn't even hit him because he's too furious to care. "i dont want to see you near him."

hiroto smiles thinly. "you dont get to make that kind of demand. this is mine and izuku's relationship, we get to decide. there will be third partying here."

"you fucking dont deserve him," katsuki growls. "you're a pile of shit trying to stain the sky with your stink."

"A monster in a human suit pretending you're better than all of us but we all can see the ugliness that runs underneath. you don't have any right to stand by side deku." katsuki sneers.

hiroto's eyes darken and he clenches his fists, but the smile never left his face."oh, if im a monster than what are you? because I know what you did Bakugou to him in jr high," he says coolly. "izuku had told me about it. we're more alike than you think."

Katsuki freezes, feeling like an exposed nerve. "i'm not like you at all, you sick fuck," he protests.

"ah, your wrong then," hiroto muses. "from one monster to another, i can why you loved hurting him. izuku cried so prettily doesn't he? he must have cried so many times because of you. i wonder if i was the one who told him to jump back then would he have done it instead."

witho hesitation katsuki punches hiroto right into his arrogant face. the hit sends hiroto to floor and blood spurts all over as katsuki breathes heavily, adrenaline running still as bloody grins stretches across hiroto's face. hiroto got him, read him like a damn open book.

the door suddenly slams open as several ppl rushes in. "Dynamight-san, what are you doing to Isao-sensei?!" they demand, catching the sight of hiroto's bloody face and katsuki's raised fist. and it's in that moment that katsuki realizes he played right into hiroto's hands. fuck.

katsuki forget that someone like hiroto who managed to trapped izuku and kept him away from everyone is really, REALLY good at manipulating situations to his advantage. hiroto has no quirk and isn't capable of even defending himself against him but he's fucking smart. he understands ppl on a very personal and intimate level as though he can pick out all the little cracks that ppl try to hide. that's how he got into izuku's head. it's not that izuku is mentally weak that hiroto managed to do it but he preyed on the weakness in ppl's heart. just like what had happened to izuku, he's doing the exact same thing to katsuki, just in a very different way. he dug into katsuki's biggest regret and the scar that had never heal even though izuku had long forgiven him for it. hiroto knew exactly what he was doing to hurt him.

so katsuki had punched him in a fit of anger and got arrested for it because even if he's the no.2 hero, you cant go around PUNCHING PPL that's an assault. katsuki is taken to the police and questioned why he would punch a seemingly harmless teacher but he remains silent. if hiroto press charges he could easily be punish by the hero commission, greatly fine and even have his license suspended temporary, and his stellar reputation get marred by the fact that he ASSAULTED A CIVILIAN because who can trust a hero who go around punching innocent ppl?? but katsuki doesn't say a single word in his defense. "that bastard deserves it," are his only words because he doesn't want to implicate izuku in any way. izuku's story shouldn't have to be made public when he already had his choices taken from him so this shouldnt be one of them.

so katsuki expecting there will be significant consequences for his action but he was released from jail later that day with no charges press much to his shock. when he's finally out of the station, izuku is right outside waiting for him. "are you alright?" he asks, looking katsuki over.

katsuki had expected anger from him at least after how shitty their last interaction went and the fact that right after that he went and punched izuku's boyfriend... "aren't you pissed?" katsuki says instead.

"that you hit my boyfriend or that you interfered after i specifically ask you not to?" izuku tilts his head curiously, a small smile cresting on his face. last time izuku had smiled at him it right before it cut him opened with his words but this time it feels real, whole.

"yea," he says, no point denying it now. he was reckless and stupid. he'll do it all over again if he could and he says: "i regret that i hurt you but i dont regret punching him."

izuku's smile spreads wider. "though i wish you didnt but i dont any expect less from you, kacchan."

somehow those words relieve whatever heaviness had lingered in his heart. he wasn't afraid of what his actions would mean for his career or image, but he was dreading having to face izuku's disappointment. that look could cut a grown man down, and it had done that with katsuki.

"you're not angry then?" he presses just to make sure.

"oh, im angry alright," izuku says, and it quickly dashes any further hope that katsuki had. "but im more angry at myself for putting you in this awkward situation where you felt like you had to take action. it's my fault."

katsuki feels the horror set in as though he's watching the demise of his own heart. "don't," he says, shaking his head. "you're not responsible for my own stupidity stop trying to make excuses for me. i fucked up i know but i'll pay whatever consequences come my way."

"well." izuku smiles wistfully. "you don't have to worry about that now. hiroto wont be press any charges now or in the future."

katsuki cant contain the surprise in is voice. "are you fucking serious? that bastard doesnt look like the type to give up an advantage point."

“hiroto and i came to an agreement so he dropped all charges against you," izuku explains as though it was that simple. Katsuki catches old of izuku's wrist. "what did you promise him?" he pauses. "what the fuck did you have to give up?!" he demands, heart beating frantically.

izuku looks down at the hand wrapped tightly around his wrist. "he give me 6months to tie all my loose ends before we go oversea. he doesn't want to stay here in japan anymore so we'll be leaving again."

Katsuki lets out a shuddering breath. "do you /want/ to go with him?"

"does it matter?" izuku responds, voice low as he gently removes katsuki's hands from his wrist. "i can help people anywhere. it doesnt have to be only in japan."

"yes, it fucking matters," katsuki hisses. "he cant take you away without your permission. I--" he chokes. he wants to say, i cant bear to see you leave again. those years you were absent didn't dull the feelings. stay. please stay. but he knows those words would only shackles izuku instead here instead of a choice out of his volition. katsuki wants izuku to stay because he wants to.

so he keeps his mouth tightly shut even though his hands burn with the urge to reach out and touch, anchor izuku here with him again. being an adult is so fucking hard sometimes because what he want isn't always something he can have. and he never want to force izuku to choose. izuku already had so many aspect of his life controlled and choices taken from him that katsuki doesnt want to be another monster lurking around him. sometime he wonder if he's any different to hiroto but then he think of this moment where he let his silence speak for itself.

"if you want to go abroad again then at least tell me it's of your own choice," katsuki says. izuku shakes his head.

“i'm not leaving. my career and life is here so are all my friends and family." his eyes soften at katsuki. "and you're here too kacchan. I dont want to go."

"then what about your deal with hiroto?" he asks, breathless with the thought of izuku choosing to stay even if it wasn't for him. "you said you promised to leave with him in order not to press any charges against me. are you telling me now you're not going to follow it through?

"do you trust me?" izuku asks suddenly, voice dropping an octave in urgency.

katsuki nods like it's as easiest thing to do and many way it is. izuku already has katsuki's heart even if he doesnt realize it yet so trust comes to him as easy as breathing if nothing else.

"you were right before," izuku admits, lips curling into a pitiful excuse of a smile as his arms go around himself. "im not happy and i cant keep living like this under hiroto's thumb. i want my life back, so give me some time and i'll seize it from hiroto's grip. I /will/."

katsuki has been witness to izuku's many hard earned scars and seen him at his best out in the field fighting countless of villains but in this moment right here, his small figure holding himself tightly with a resolute gaze; izuku has never look stronger. he doesnt doubt him.

But it doesnt mean he has like it, esp knowing that izuku is going at this alone. he ruffles his hair irritability and heaves a reluctant sigh. "ok, but you have to tell if you need any help. i dont care what the fuck it is, you have to let me know. promise me," he insists.

izuku seems taken back by vehemency in his voice, but he readily agrees if only to get katsuki to stop worrying. "alright, i promise." this is enough for now. izuku had ask for his trust and he'll give it even as he watches izuku's back getting further away from him.

the days and weeks after that katsuki and izuku never interacted again outside of civil conversations in a professional capacity out on the field. hiroto often come to izuku's agency to drop or pick him up. they're not always together but hiroto always make his presence known. to the outside world the hero deku is in a loving relationship with a humble and sweet teacher and he's still dominating the jp hero ranking but to katsuki and the rest of their friends have to quietly watch izuku become an island onto himself of only him and hiroto.

it was difficult to stay away and not interfere with izuku's relationship as promise but katsuki gris his teeth and force him to do the same. he quietly keeps an eye on izuku just in case because he may trust izuku but he doesn't hiroto to not go complete fucking psycho one day. patience has never been katsuki strong point but best thing in life take a whole lot of patience and effort and katsuki has already made his commitment to izuku till his last breath, so he waits and waits as promise until one day izuku's ordeal is finally bare out to the world.

it starts and ends with a press conference. no.1 rank hero deku calls upon them and the reporters and news agencies flocked to him for any enticing news that deku could release except what he says there on that day shock the entire world because it was so COMPLETELY unexpected.

"My name is midoriya izuku," izuku begins, "or deku as you know, and i am an abuse victim." he pauses, then, corrects himself, "an abuse survivor and this is my story." he starts telling how he met hiroto, the red flags he didn't see, and how hiroto had him and the world fooled.

the entire conference last 2 full hours as he go into explaining his relationship and the falls out of it to a stunned crowd. he had video, audio recordings, and txt msgs that date every incident between them all in vivid details. it was ugly, raw, and izuku's life out in display. the threats, emotional damage & verbal abuse he had endured. the lies that hiroto fed him that no one could ever love him and how nobody would ever believe his story if the truth ever got out because how could the most powerful hero in the world ever be abuse by a quirkless civilian? that's the first lie they'll ever tell that you have to be fall into a certain demographic and stereotype to be a victim but anyone can be abuse. it's not about physical strength, gender, class, or quirk but it's about the power and influence the abuser wields over their victim.

izuku explains that he has never been physically assaulted by hiroto but the emotional scars that he'd left behind on izuku cuts just as deep as any wound. the way ppl assume that abuse only happens when someone kick another is wrong because there's so much more than that. the abuser can get into your head and fucked with it, make you feel worthless and helpless without them so you're dependent on them for security and happiness. they dig into every little insecurities and weakness that you have so that you feel like you cant live without them. he take control over your life till you dont even know the decision your making is out of your own volition or to please him. everyday you live as though you're about to drown & he's the only thing keeping you from it but he's also has his hand around your throat the entire time.

this was what it's like to live with an abuser. this was izuku's life up until 3 days ago when izuku gathered all the collected evidence he had and reported hiroto to the police. so he's here today to to inform ppl that izuku is not alone in this, theres plenty of cases like him. not all of them will have an ending like his or maybe they haven't gotten out of their abusive relationship yet so he wants them to listen to his story and hope that they too can find the courage and strength within themselves to seek help and remove themselves from that toxicity.

the silence that followed izuku's story is deafening, but his story is an unvarnished truth in its sincerity. izuku never stumble or hesitate over his words but the way his eyes are drawn downcast and he tried to hide the slightest tremors at the most explicit part of his story. those are hard to fake, harder still is the fact that anyone in izuku's position of prestige and fame would ever lie to being a victim especially as soon as soon the story came out there's an outcry of disbelief and the mentality of someone of izuku's caliber can be ABUSE.

everyone has their opinion on it. there will be supporters as well as doubters and those who has yet to make up their mind but izuku doesnt care because his story isnt meant for public consumption is for those ppl who are quietly suffering like he did, it's they he want to reach.

after watching the conference in his own home, katsuki desperately wants to reach out to izuku but doesnt know if it's ok or if izuku even want to talk not after literally exposing his scars out in the open for everyone, but before he can make up his mind izuku decides for him. someone is at his door and katsuki goes to open, annoyed at being disrupted, only to see izuku and with his bag of carry-on.

"hi, kacchan," izuku greets. "can i stay with you for a couple of nights?" he looks nervously past katsuki's shoulders. "i didn't have anywhere else to go. Ochako and tenya had offered me to stay with them but i couldnt trouble them since they worry about me enough." he press his lips together for a moment. "but i think in reality i couldnt stand to see them look at me with pity. i dont want them to be careful around me.”

"and you think i won't do that either?" katsuki asks like a total idiot even though that isn't want he meant to say at all. izuku smiles sheepishly. "you can be kind but you're not gentle at all." Katsuki frowns as though not understanding, but he drags izuku in anyway.

and that's how bkdk ends up rooming together as izuku takes a break from work to slowly recover from his ordeal and escape the hyper spotlight on him currently. his friends and family often visit him and katsuki is always, always there by his side supporting him through it. his week is spread out with morning walks, a therapy session, a domestic violence support group, visit to the bookstore to read on the latest books, and then he goes home to katsuki preparing dinner and ranting about some stupid villains fucking up. it's quiet and lovely.

there's no specific law aim toward ppl like hiroto because the domestic violence doesnt really apply to manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse witho 'physical' proof but izuku has a restraining order against him and made sure hiroto's face and name is recognizable as his own. hiroto always wanted izuku's fame and now he has it as the entire nation knows him now not just as deku's ex boyfriend but his abuser. he cant work or do anything without ppl recognizing him. this is izuku's punishment for him even though katsuki thinks that's a little too easy.

if katsuki has his way with hiroto he would be 6ft under LOL but even though izuku had been through so much shit by hiroto, he did used to love him after all and this is his final act of mercy, but maybe that's another weakness in him that hiroto managed to dig his claw in.

“do you think im weak for letting him off that easily?" izuku asks katsuki one day as they take an evening walk around katsuki's apartment. it's becoming their thing now, just walks as they share about their day. katsuki doesnt need to know who the 'he' in this question is.

he stops, frowns, and pinches izuku's cheek. "you fucking idiot, who said that? the fact that you are able to not completely destroy him like i would have done make you stronger than any one of us. not a lot of ppl would find the strength to show mercy to the one who hurt them."

izuku rubs his redden cheek and smiles softly. "kacchan, when did you become so nice."

"im always nice." he snorts. "you said so." I

izuku laughs, easily and lighthearted that it feels like he can breathe for the first time in a long time. "i did say that, and i truly mean it."

"thank you, kacchan," he says, looking at katsuki's sheepish face. "im thankful that you let me stay beyond the first week after what had happened. you didn't have to do that. i know you didn't sign up for this."

"shut up," katsuki snaps, but his tone is undeniably gentle. "nobody can predict that your ex would turn out to be a complete psycho, so yea i didn't sign up for this but im here and i want to be," he snarls, then he looks away as his face heats up with his next words. "and you can stay however long you like... forever even."

izuku's breath hitches. he suddenly drop his gaze to the ground and fumble with his fingers. "i-kacchan, i'm-" katsuki clasp his hand over izuku's own. "you dont have to give me an answer now. i can wait. i've been waiting since UA so i can wait however long you need."

it's not a proper confession and izuku is still full of scars and wounds that has yet to heal but katsuki will wait. recovery is a long winding road and katsuki will be him in every way as long as izuku allows him. love will come after, step by step and breath by breath.

[fluffywolverine]

so season 6 of lucifer came out.

there were some things that i liked, but generally i hated it. i believe that was SUCH. BAD. WRITING and it left me frustrated. so i decided to write down all things that pissed me off and sometimes i try to fix this by giving other ideas that – in my opinion – would have made the story better. Check my points out and feel free to add your points of view. without further ado: let’s talk.

- imma start with the big one – fucking time travel. ok I generally hate this trope in the media, because it’s complicated and often leads to some logical mistakes – and they happened here. so rory time travels because of her anger which was caused… by her anger?? i think this was unnecessary. it also brings trouble with this whole free will vs. fate discourse. lucifer says, that he chooses free will… but at the same time he goes the path of his fate. he disappears from rory’s life, because he HAS TO in order of the events of the season to happen. just because he chose to do it, doesn’t mean it’s free will.

- lucifer becomes the very thing he desperately didn’t want to become. “bUt It WaS fOr ThE gReAtEr GoOd” screw this bullshit, if writers wanted to make it better, they could have easily do so. they could have altered the rules of time travel so that his choice of staying could have resulted in rory disappearing. yes, that would have been heart-breaking, but it would have been a great lesson for lucifer, that he can’t make the same mistakes his father did.

- chloe and Lucifer get a child without even talking about it. “bUt MaYbE tHeY tAlKeD aBoUt It We JuSt DiDn’T sEe It” you may say. but the point of writing anything  - whether it’s a book or a script – is to show any thing that matters. and talking about having kids is one of the most things any couple should do. also not every couple needs to have kids and forcing deckerstar to have it feels so far-fetched. this thread was very unnecessary.

- rory herself is a big problem. to begin with – she wanted to KILL her FATHER. i get her frustration, but commiting a murder?? just because he wasn’t there for her?? I would have thought that chloe taught her better, taught her that, like, killing people is bad. turns out she did not. secondly… she just isn’t necessary here. i elaborate later so in conclusion – her thread could be altered with michael’s and it would have made much more sense. i also don’t like the actress (why was she blinking so much??) so i certainly didn’t help.

- of course ella has to end up with a boyfriend. because earlier she always ended up with “bad boys” and now, without any help, she is just able to have a healthy relationship! yay! for me this creates a toxic view, that in order to be happy one HAS TO be in a relationship, because being alone is aLwAyS bAd. well, it’s not.

- i also have troubles with lucifer starting up a foundation for her. firstly, he didn’t ask her. secondly it – AGAIN – shows, that anything good ella got, was because of another man. firstly because of her relationship with carol, secondly because of lucifer’s idea. it could have been so easily altered! there could have been a scene of a conversation e.g. with amenadiel where she expressed a will to do better and be better for someone (given that she sees a lot of dark in herself). amenadiel could have then told her, that she is an inspiration and that it is her biggest strength. that could have been where ella came up with an idea to start a foundation blah blah – it’s just a rough idea but I believe that written well, it could have been so much better;

- and the last thing about ella – of course she had to find out about celestial stuff because sHe WaS tHe OnLy OnE rEmAiNiNg. umm what about trixie? i'll come back to her later. ella was portrayed as the only one believing in god and having her seeing that he really exists ruins the concept of faith. it’s not about knowing something exists, it’s about believing in it.

- WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL. i must admit that i loved this character AND I CAN’T STAND HOW AWFULLY HE WAS TREATED HERE. so at the end of season 5 lucifer says “everyone deserves a second chance, even you michael". and what does he do then? COMMANDS HIS TWIN TO CLEAR THE FLOOR IN HELL. yes, i agree that michael should have been punished for his rebellion plan, but… he already has his wing cut off. now he’s stuck in hell, with no way out and is he supposed to learn his lesson? this is cruel. instead of this the entire season could have been centred on him – his journey to self-acceptance, learning how manipulating someone is toxic and starting to realise how to be a better person. at the end he could have become god (because amenadiel is such an obvious choice), which would create a beautiful connection – michael in heaven and his twin in hell.

- lucifer doesn’t feel like being god and that’s cool. damn. people died for him to win this place and he’s like “actually you know guys i’m not the right person bye”. while i believe that anyone should step out if they have a reason, but at the same time lucifer should have faced any consequences of his decisions. falling frog and kool aid in the river are not enough.

- adam’s plot feels just quickly sketched, not actually written. i really appreciate this take on toxic masculinity but it all felt too fast-paced. it’s good that they show this idea of “strong and not-showing-any-feelings man” kind of attitude, but it is impossible for ANYONE (especially The ManTM) to change their mind in a matter of a few days. it takes weeks, months, years even, especially given that adam is like a gazillion years old, he should have especially taken a long time to process this.

- carol is just too pure to exist. he’s also one of the most boring, plain and one-dimensional character i’ve ever seen. i feel like they gave him a problem with alcohol because the writers were like “hmmmmm he has to have some weakness. LET’S MAKE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC”. we don’t see any signs of his everyday struggle, why did he fell into this problem, how did struggle. it just feels like a dull plot device to show that he has flaws. oh and also he’s so pure that he doesn’t mind ella BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE. acceptance should have boundaries and violating someone’s personal space isn’t right.

- why did they forget about trixie again? yes, i know that scarlett estevez had another project but this does not justify the bad writing. the girl lost her father and we only see her crying once because of that. no signs of this affecting her everyday life, not showing any consequences of her relationships with other people, not  glimpse of any change in her behaviour. oh and also she loses lucifer too because time travel! great idea, writers! losing another close to her person would have been soooooo good for her psychic for sure.

- i also hate the idea that suddenly rory becomes the only child they care for. where is trixie when they spend their day on the beach? where is she when her mother dies? did writers forget about her as well as they did about michael?

- amenadiel being a police officer is… problematic. i was looking forward to this thread, i was kinda scared too and it turned out… meh. i’m white and not American, so this of course does not involve me at all, but i felt like this was not enough. harris basically said that there is nothing they can do to make it better for black folks. even though chloe and amenadiel want to make everything more just, we don’t actually see any change. the only thing is that harris becomes a detective (right? i’m not sure if i understood it correctly, so correct me if i’m wrong, please) which is a total contradiction of what she said before. suddenly she does not have to protect people anymore?

- in season 5 they stated that heaven and hell need to be fixed, as the system is unfair and unjust. at the end we don’t see any change, the only thing that is different is lucifer helping damned souls. it doesn’t help at all! these people still go to hell, they still suffer and there’s nothing that changed here! plus there is also this thing, that a sociopath who murdered people in cold blood goes to heaven (because he does not feel any guilt) and a person abused by her parents/partner/whoever goes to hell (because have been manipulated to feel guilt).

- dan making amends with trixie while… there wasn’t really anything to make amends about. like, most of the parents make mistakes while upbringing their children, but does this make them unworthy of heaven? i would have preferred dan to slowly regain his self-consciousness, how he positively affected the lives of people around him and by doing so – through conversations or maybe reliving some of the memories, he could have proved to himself that he is worthy of love and redemption.

phew, what a ride. i really liked dan being reunited with charlotte (it went just as i imagined) and mazeve dynamics. i even felt like they are finally a real life relationship – with people hurting each other by not understanding each other, but then talking and seeing other’s perspective. generally though, i’m very disappointed.

sorry for any mistakes, lacking commas etc. writing a text this long in not my native language was not easy.

[the-modernmary]

my best habit || aaron hotchner x reader (prologue)

Summary: When Aaron Hotchner ended your affair with him, saying that a serial killer was going after him and his family, you were content with the idea that you'd probably never see him again. Two years have come and gone since then, but when you get dragged into an FBI investigation as a key witness, you and Hotch are forced to come face to face with all the things left unsaid.

Warnings: Age gap (15-ish years), smut, degradation, unprotected sex. This story is 18+ older. This is not a story for minors.

A/N: Hello, hello!! I figured that since I've made a writing tumblr, I should post my story on here!! This is a multichapter story, so I am very excited to go on this journey with y'all!! I already have multiple chapters written and published, so these should be coming out VERY quickly. If you don't want to wait to catch up, you can read everything I have on ao3! This chapter starts as a flashback, and then the next chapter and the rest from here on out will be actual plot!

masterlist || read on ao3

“If you were waitin’ on the sunshine, blue sky

Cheap high, lullaby

Then my best habit’s letting you down”

- The Maine, “My Best Habit”

Two years earlier

Your eyes scanned the University Ballroom, your champagne glass practically ignored in your hand. You hated all these alumni networking galas and avoided going to them as much as possible. Old, sleazy lawyers with much younger women on their arm reliving their best cases with each other and expecting all the new law students to laugh when they were able to get their defendant acquitted because of some dumb technicality. It made you sick.

It didn’t help that you were already going in with a bad attitude. Your ex-boyfriend had dropped by your apartment that morning to pick up the rest of his stuff, and he decided that the best person to help him with that was the girl he had been cheating on you with. You caught them together three weeks ago, and you had been so stressed from midterms that you hadn’t even had the chance to go out, get drunk, and have wildly irresponsible rebound sex.

But you had to suck it up for the night, at least until you were able to get the answer you came for. After that, you could go back to your apartment, replace your too tight and too short dress with some nice pajamas, and watch trashy reality TV until you passed out on your couch.

You scanned the room a few more times until you caught sight of a tall man in a dark suit leaning against the bar. Bingo. You set your champagne flute down and ran over to him as fast as your heels could take you. Once you were just a few steps away, you quickly composed yourself and walked straight into his line of sight.

SSA Aaron Hotchner rarely came to alumni events here at George Washington Law School, citing that he wasn’t even a prosecutor anymore and had much more important work to do back at the BAU, but he was going as favor to his old law school buddy. Plus, it was either coming to this or going out to the bar with the team, and seeing as he had just signed the divorce papers with Haley, he wanted to be somewhere he wasn’t going to be profiled all night. The free champagne was also a bonus.

When you saw that his name was on the RSVP list, you knew that you had to go.

“Agent Hotchner?” you asked, giving him your best straight A student smile.

He refused to look up right away, not giving you the chance to charm him. “I’m not currently on duty. If there is a case you would like the BAU to look over, that’s handled by our media liaison,” he said absently, taking another sip of champagne.

You frowned but kept your hand out for him to shake. “That’s not what I’m here for, I-” You took a breath to compose yourself. “My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I’m a first year here- getting a joint JD and masters in forensic psychology. My goal is to become a prosecutor,” you pressed, and you were rewarded when he perked up in interest. He slid his drink on the table.

“Most law firms don’t usually want a prosecutor who’s going to empathize with the person you’re prosecuting,” he mused, and shook your hand, his grip just tight enough to pass as faux politeness.

You shook your head and clasped your hands behind your back, trying to ignore how warm his hands were. “I think the best prosecutors empathize with the defendants,” you admitted. “Isn’t that how you succeeded as both a prosecutor and as a federal agent? That’s actually why I came to you, I wanted to ask you a question... about my thesis,” you added quickly, figuring that the best way to get him to talk to you.

Aaron’s posture changed from half asleep to maybe listening, and your face went red. Sure, you only came to the event to talk to him, but you never thought that you’d actually get Aaron Hotchner to pay attention to you. “I didn’t empathize with the people I was putting in jail,” he told you, his voice ice cold. “That didn’t come until I worked in the BAU, and even now, I wouldn’t call it empathy. Just understanding of how they became the type of person they are.” He leaned sideways on the bar counter and you felt yourself shrink under his gaze. You shifted slightly and felt the hem of your dress move up your thighs ever so slightly. Aaron noticed too, if the lick of his lips was anything to go by.

You took his silence as your signal to ask your question. “You offered Jessica Michaelson a lesser sentence that had her released in just three years despite the fact that she murdered her brother in cold blood in his sleep. You had the evidence, why didn’t you push for premeditation?” you asked, and his eyebrow quirked upwards. “In the case The People vs. Michaelson,” you added unnecessarily, trying to break the silence.

“I know the case you’re referring to. I was the lead on it,” he reminded you, his voice edging on dangerous. “You know, most people aren’t interested in my days as a lawyer.”

You shrugged, hoping to appear more confident than you felt. “I’m not most people,” you agreed, biting down on your lower lip. His gaze was so intense, and it was affecting you in ways you couldn’t have imagined. It was turning you on, you realized with a start. It had been a while since you had last had sex, and it was driving you only slightly crazy. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

Aaron grabbed a champagne flute from a server walking by, and shoved it in your direction. You grabbed it cautiously. “Did you read the police report on the case?” he asked, and you nodded wordlessly, taking a sip of the champagne. The alcohol was making you bolder, and you stepped towards him. “Then you’ll know that there was very little physical evidence tying her to the muder. We chose to offer the charge that would have stuck instead of risking her being found not guilty.”

You gritted your teeth together in an effort to calm yourself down. “She murdered four people within the six months after she was released from prison,” you reminded him.

That seemed to have struck a chord with Aaron, and his steely persona seemed to fade ever so slightly. He sighed exasperatedly; you were obviously getting on his nerves. “The prints and DNA that were collected and put into VICAP when she was in prison are what got her caught in the end, and that was the evidence needed to lock her away for life. We wouldn’t have gotten those prints without her original charge. It all worked out.”

You groaned and threw your hands in the air. “You couldn’t have predicted that, though,” you argued. “And people have been found guilty with way less evidence than you had in the original case. I think you just felt bad for her, considering her brother was a real piece of shit.” You were being difficult now, you knew that. But there was something about Aaron Hotcher that was pulling you in, and you wanted to see how far you could push him.

Aaron gave you a predatory grin and he stepped towards you ever so slightly, finishing his drink. He must have had multiple drinks too, judging by the soft flush on his face. “Oh, you do?” He seemed amused now. He slowly raked his eyes from your face, down your neck, and down the rest of your body, and you forgot how to breath. You knew that it was inappropriate and that he was a highly respected FBI agent, even if he was kind of an asshole at the moment. You also knew that the two of you were crossing lines that neither of you should have even been close to, but you shivered under the weight of his gaze all the same.

You shifted back and forth, your brain trying to process what was happening. “Yeah, I do. And I know that you transferred to the FBI after Michaelson was arrested again, which makes me think that this case was your breaking point,” you ranted, your hands becoming more and more animated.

Aaron chuckled, but there was very little amusement behind it. “Are you sure you want to be a lawyer?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Because you’re starting to talk like a profiler.”

You arched an eyebrow at him. “No thanks,” you said firmly, and he just shrugged before making a move to walk past you. You sidestepped in front of him, effectively blocking him from going anywhere. But it was obvious that he was done talking about this.

In your mind, you had two options now. You could keep pushing him about a case that he obviously didn’t want to talk to you about, or you could switch gears in your brain and have him help you solve your... other problem. Aaron was attractive, and you were getting tired of guys your age. You noticed the distinct lack of a wedding ring on his finger, but there was still a tan to show that it had been there. So either he was recently separated or just trying to cheat on his wife. You wanted to not care whichever it was, but a pang in your heart told you to be considerate. Besides, you did not want to get involved with another cheater.

“Must be hard to be at these events without your wife here to scare off all the lonely female law students,” you mused cautiously. You didn’t want to come on too strong, but the alcohol in your system was slowly clouding your ability to be subtle.

Aaron cleared his throat, obviously taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation. “I’m not married,” he said, too quickly and too defensively. So he’s separated, you thought, and you stepped closer to him.

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out your endgame. “Well, I would love to discuss your work as a prosecutor more when there are less… distractions around,” you whispered, your words breathy. “Tell me Agent Hotchner, do I make you nervous?” You sounded a lot more confident than you felt.

Aaron just smirked and grabbed your free hand, covering it in both of his, and the action was surprisingly soft, even if it was way too late for him to try acting suave. His eyes, on the other hand, told a whole other story. His pupils were so dilated that his eyes were practically black. “I face the worst people in society on a daily basis. Desperate law students don’t make me nervous. In fact…” He stepped towards you, looking around to make sure nobody else was looking. Aaron leaned in close, his lips brushing against your ear with every word. “I think that I make you nervous. And more than nervous, I make you very excited.”

Your breath hitched as he pulled back, a smug smile gracing his lips. You yanked your hand back to preserve what little dignity you had left, but it was too late. “Now, if you would like to discuss my prosecuting career more in depth, then you can set up a formal meeting with me at the BAU,” he continued, obviously proud of himself and the effect he was having on you. He pulled out a business card and upon further instruction, you realized that it wasn’t even his. Jennifer Jareu the name read. “Our media liaison will be able to help you organize that. Now if you don’t mind, I am going to retire for the night.”

Aaron finished the rest of his drink and brushed past you while you were still trying to get your thoughts under control. “Oh, and you’ll make a wonderful lawyer someday, I’m sure of it,” he called over his shoulder, and that snapped you back into action.

You followed, running around him and cutting him off. “And if I don’t want to discuss your prosecuting career?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at him. “What if I was interested in a… less formal meeting?”

That was all the permission he needed. Aaron grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the ballroom, the two of you moving so fast that nobody in the room even had a chance to put two and two together. There was an empty hallway just next to the entrance of the room and Aaron pulled you in that direction, pressing you against the wall and kissing you fiercely the second the two of you were alone.

There was nothing gentle about the kiss, but in a strange role reversal, he let you take the lead. It’s certainly not what you expected from Aaron Hotchner who, until now, had been controlling every aspect of your meeting. You realized then that this was his way of making sure you were okay with what was happening- giving you a chance to back out and change your mind. You just answered by tangling your hands in his hair, pulling so that he was at just the right angle to kiss you.

Aaron dug his fingers into your hips, hard enough to make you gasp out. You were definitely going to have bruises the next day, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. He shoved his leg in between yours and tugged on your lip with his teeth, which made you whimper involuntarily. He smirked against your lips, obviously proud of the noises he was drawing from you. You pulled on his hair harder as a sign of irritation, but that seemed to only make him more amused as he pulled away to laugh into your neck.

“Are we just going to make out against a wall like we’re back in high school, or are you going to actually do something worth my time?” you breathe, fighting to keep your voice even and light. It only halfway worked as he dragged his tongue up your neck to your pulse point. And then he bit down, hard.

It took everything in your power to stay quiet, especially as he softly kissed the newly forming bruise. His attack on your neck was relentless as he pulled your hips and back forth against his thigh. You whimpered as you desperately tried to get any friction from the simple movement. Your skirt was now dangerously close to being pushed so far up your legs that you would be completely exposed.

You pulled away first- you had to or your legs were going to completely give out from under you. You desperately tried to get your breathing under control and, to your annoyance, he looked perfectly composed. The only thing giving him away was his slightly swollen lips.

His fingers trailed up your thigh, getting so close to where you want him. “What would you like me to do then?” he asked easily, his voice almost sounding bored. You were speechless, like your brain had just short circuited. There were a lot of things you wanted him to do, but the words were lost on the tip of your tongue. “If you want something, you have to ask for it.” That was a demand, and he punctuated it by pressing his thigh further into you. You were sure he was going to have a wet spot on his slacks. He took the hand not in between your legs and grabbed your jaw forcefully, his thumb resting on your bottom lip. “Use your words, little girl.”

You realize that the two of you were standing on the edge of a cliff, and you had the power to decide whether or not to jump over. It gave you a strange sense of power. Logically, you knew it was a bad idea. He was too old for you, obviously going through some sort of relationship trauma, and wasn’t somebody you could talk to your friends and family about. But the less rational side wanted him so badly it hurt. You wanted him more than you’ve wanted anything or anyone in a long time.

You noticed your strawberry colored lipstick was smudged ever so slightly on the corner of his mouth, and that’s all it took for you to jump off the side of the cliff. “I want you to drag me into the empty classroom just down the hall and fuck me senseless. I want you to use me,” you moan before taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking.

The look on his face is something you’ll never forget. There was a mix of shock and arousal, but also something primitive; His eyes darkened when you told him to use you, and there was a fluttering in your stomach. You couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or dread. Maybe even both.

He removed his hands from your mouth and legs, only to place his hand on the small of your back. He began walking towards the classroom you had pointed out, much too slow for your liking, but he knew exactly what he was doing. “You’re going to regret asking me to use you,” he practically growls in your ear, each word increasing your arousal. “Are you one of those lonely female law students you warned me about? So desperate and needy for a real man to bend you over a table and fuck you until you can’t walk straight? Ready and willing to whore yourself out for the first man who gives you a second glance?”

Your breath hitched as you stuttered out your answer. “Y-yes, Agent Hotchner,” you whispered as he opened the classroom door and guided you in.

As soon as the door was shut and locked, he was back on your lips again, lifting you so that you were sitting on one of the desks with your legs wrapped around his waist. “Call me Aaron,” he mumbled in between kisses, and you were all too happy to oblige.

You were a moaning mess at this point as his hands pushed your dress up to your waist. His hands and lips were somehow everywhere at once and you were so hot and all you could think about was getting your damn dress off, but Aaron seemed to have other plans.

He ran his fingers up your lace covered slit and he just chuckled into your lips. “You’re so wet for me, already,” he groaned and you let out an embarrassingly loud moan. “And I’ve barely touched you. Do my words really have that much effect on you? Do you like it when I call you a whore?”

He hooked his fingers under the waistband of your panties and quickly pulled them down. You could feel his bulge pressing against you and all you could think about was how badly you wanted it. How badly you wanted him. Your hands moved down his chest to make quick work of his belt, and his pants followed after.

“Please, please Aaron,” you begged, desperately trying to create some friction against him. His fingers tangled in your hair and he pulled your head back so that you were looking at him.

“You’re so pretty when you beg.” His fingers slowly ran up your slit, not enough to give you any pleasure. He was teasing you and enjoying every second of it. “And I wish I could take my time with you. The things I want to do to you…” Two of his fingers entered you and you cried out loudly. “But somebody could walk in on us at any second. I’m sure they can all hear you moaning like a dirty whore, all for me. But you’d like that, wouldn’t you? So desperate for my attention and approval.”

His words turned you on more than you would have liked to admit. “Yes, Aaron yes. Please-” you were cut off by Aaron curling his fingers, hitting that spot that made you want to scream out in pleasure. But all too soon, they were gone.

He inspected his fingers, which were now covered in your juices, before bringing them to your mouth. “Suck,” he ordered, and you eagerly complied, wrapping your lips around his fingers and moaning at the taste of yourself. “I’ll just have to fuck you quickly here, and then you’ll be begging for more next time,” he groaned and finally- finally- entered you.

He didn’t give you time to adjust to him, thrusting roughly into you. He removed his fingers from your mouth and brought his hand to your neck. He didn’t put any pressure, but he wanted you to know that he could and would if you decided to get mouthy with him.

Your hands gripped the edge of the desk you were sitting on, your knuckles turning white. Your eyes started to close in pleasure as his hips slammed into yours, but they shot open as he tightened his grip on your throat. “Look at me. I want to see you when you cum,” he ordered, and you nodded the best you could.

“Yes sir!” you cried out, unsure of what else to say.

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, Aaron released your throat and moved his hand down so that he was stimulating your clit. You could feel the coil in your stomach tighten as your legs started to twitch. Aaron took this as motivation to slam into you even harder, relishing each time you gasped out his name.

His pace was unforgiving, leaving you gasping for air. Keeping your eyes open was a challenge, but you were able to do it with his soft mutters of praise. “Even brats like you can be good girls,” he groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic. “You just need somebody to fuck it into you.”

You were unable to respond coherently, so you just settled on begging even more, although you weren’t sure what you were begging for exactly. Aaron seemed to know, and he sped up his fingers against your clit. You wanted to scream out for him, but your voice wasn’t working. “What did I say before?” he asks roughly. “If you want something, ask for it.”

“Please… please can I cum?” you cried out, feeling yourself getting close to the edge. “Please let me cum around your cock!”

He nodded in approval and you had to muffle yourself in his neck to keep quiet. He fucked you through your orgasm, the overstimulation almost too much, but it wasn’t long before he was moaning your name, and you felt him fill you.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, both breathing heavily as the situation started to sink in. You just let a guy almost 15 years older than you that you just met fuck you in an empty classroom, and you really enjoyed it. Aaron, on the other hand, looked like he was going through a full crisis.

He pulled out of you slowly, and you winced at the feeling. He pulled up his pants quickly. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, looking around the empty classroom. “I don’t have anything good to clean you up with.” A box of kleenex caught his eye and he grabbed a few tissues. It was better than nothing.

You chuckled nervously and waved it off. “It’s fine,” you promised, your voice coming out shakier than you expected, but he ignored you. He wiped the mess dripping down your thighs. You were cold. He must have noticed, because he took off his suit jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked softly, and it was a full 180 from the way he had just been talking to you.

“I’m great,” you admitted honestly. “Seriously, that was… great.”

Aaron smiled at you- the first real smile he had given you all night. “It wasn’t too much?” he confirmed, and you suddenly remembered what he had said to you earlier. ...then you’ll be begging for more next time. Was he planning on a next time? You wouldn’t have minded it.

You shook your head and slowly slid off the table. You took one of the tissues and wiped up the mess that was left on the table. “Not at all. In fact, I could take more. Next time.” Your voice was light and airy. Aaron watched as you picked your underwear off the floor. There was no way you were putting those back on, not when you had no idea when the floor was last cleaned.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he teased, eyeing you carefully.

“Well I can’t keep it if I only have your media liaison’s number,” you reminded him, your eyebrow raised. Aaron chuckled and pulled out another business card, except this time it was his. You plucked the card out of his hands and inspected it carefully. “I’ll call you sometime. You can do all those other things we didn’t have time to do.” You were on your tiptoes now, whispering in his ear. “You know… my mouth can do a lot more than just ask for things.” As you spoke, you slipped your panties into his back pocket. You just laughed as you heard a soft gasp escape his lips.

You made your way towards the door, your legs wobbling dangerously underneath you. You were sure that you looked like a mess, but you didn’t care. All that mattered to you was Aaron Hotchner’s eyes glued to your ass. “Get home safe,” he told you and you let yourself smile. Maybe it was a bad idea to start sleeping with a recent divorcee, but the sex was great and you both knew where you stood with the other person. No feelings, just fucking out your frustrations and stress.

Oh yeah, coming to this event was definitely a good call on your part.

[featherfur]

Meng Yao should have been around when Jiang Cheng was running around with his head cut off trying to make disciples out of rogues and convince everyone to get started on the war. I just think he’d see this, probably manic, idiot who needs help and is 100% willing to be bossed around and who really doesn’t care about Meng Yao station in life because he’s just fucking desperate and wants to die but can’t because Yanli and just go “actually I’m interested”. Because Jiang Cheng would riot if he knew Meng Yao wanted to go back to his dad, and well Jiang Cheng is very pathetic when he thinks he’s being left behind (“You’re leaving me for the Jin just like Shijie? Tears and loud words for you! Tears and loud words dor a thousand years!”)

And Meng Yao would have a spot in Lotus Pier where he is VERY clearly wanted, he probably doesn’t become sworn brothers with anyone (or LXC and NMJ realize that no one needs to give the Jin any more influence and become sworn brothers with Jiang Cheng) unless it’s Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (unfortunately WWX will still probably be killed or hunted at the very least but atleast Qin Su is alive? Maybe having MY around will help calm JC into the fact that LWJ wants to bang his brother and help him so JC can convince WWX to let LWJ atleast play for him, then maybe WWX can accidentally let slip about him already destroying one half and LWJ can help destroy the other half… Dunno if the Wen Remnants survive either sorry, honestly I don’t know if anyone can stop JGS in the long run)

So there’s two ways this goes: (under read more I have Thoughts)

Meng Yao DOES go to the Jin Sect still because JC gets wanting your Dad’s Approval even when he’s a dick AND he protects Yanli who immediately adopted him when JC showed up to the war with him. Without being stuck between a Rock and a Hard place (sorry NMJ not everyone is a annoyingly stubborn with their morals as you and MY is being hurt :( leave him alone :(( ) MY is able to continue being pressured without breaking and even though JGS keeps trying to get him to manipulate JC, MY won’t and won’t manipulate NMJ either and every time he goes to Lotus Pier to ‘look into’ the Jiang Sect he actually just spends the week being plied with children and listening to Jiang Cheng explain the fashion industry Again and talk about silks vs cashmeres vs wool so he just gets a vacay and is more prepared to stand up against his dad.

Also JC and Yanli catch on pretty quick to Madam Jin abusing MY because they were there after Madam Yu would hurt WWX and they know the signs of trying to hide the pain and Yanli suddenly starts Show Up whenever Madam Jin tries anything because that is her Didi now and she will protect him and if anyone ELSE tries to mess with him she will rip them apart like when Jin Zixun tries to bother WWX.

JGS does eventually manage to frame something on WWX but MY intervenes immediately by telling JC the truth and without the ‘did my kinda insane PTSD ridden brother so this?” Panic thoughts JC gets his people and is waiting for the force of Jin and smaller sects, with his two sworn brothers on either side. Because yeah NMJ absolutely hates the Wen but can he really ignore LXC and JC? Plus NHS on the side? He’s only there to protect WWX, anyone else can get fucked and even then he’s only protecting WWX because JC asked him too because NMJ thinks WWX sucks for choosing the wens because he’s very much of the one track ‘the wens suck’ mind. MY pretends he has no idea what’s going on but he does summon Jin Zixuan on ‘accident’ who shows up, annoyed he had to leave his kid, and is like “are we really going to accuse Nie Mingjue, known Wen hater, of protecting Wei Wuxian and lying about his innocence? Because his sword is the same size as my body and I’d rather Not”

(okay he’s more polite and subtle but that’s the gist) somehow Jin Guangshan dies, I’m voting Yanli poisoned him because I think Meng Yao is 100% willing at this point to simply take the abuse because Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen aren’t essentially telling him to murder his father and that he’s stupid for not holding harder to his morals (sorry NMJ,,, you just,, I love you but MY is hurting and he’s not as stabby as you) NMJ is still very much crankily telling him his dad sucks whenever they meet but Jiang Cheng gets all sparkly whenever MY is around because MY will say he’s Doing Good, so there’s only so much room before JC start just biting anyone who even looks at MY wrong. (NMJ says he’s proud of JC once and JC just starts crying and NMJ UnderstandsTM why MY won’t leave him alone)

But Yanli has to be the one to kill him because MY wouldn’t because he’s a filial son and probably hasn’t lost his hope he will be Loved, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t because he’s like the only one in the entire show not down with murder, Madam Jin is not about to give up the power and money that comes from being the wife of Jin Guangshan even if JZX would take care of her because Yanli clearly is willing to rip everyone apart who fucks with her family and unlike Jiang Cheng is willing to change the status quo, and if JGS dies on a hunt they’ll blame WWX so Yanli just poisons him slowly and he dies from ‘illness’. JZX takes power, Meng Yao is told he’s amazing twelve times a day because JZX can do busy work and argue against anyone but he cannot have a small talk conversation to save his life. Life continues peacefully, Jiang Cheng keeps kidnapping JZX’s advisor because he misses him. Meng Yao knows how to control literally every single great sect but he’s busy chasing down his nephews and helping Jiang Cheng avoid marriage offers to do anything.

Once Jin Guangshan died, LXC and MY both swooped in to have the Wen Remnants moved somewhere else to ‘civilize’ them (using LXC’s own words here) and WWX is very much caught between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji arguing over who he’s going home with and he’s honestly never felt more Loved TM. WWX spends six months to break the rest of the tiger rally under the grumpy/watchful eye of NMJ who still isn’t happy anyone from the Wen’s is still alive but he’s weak to puppy eyes and also when he’s being strong armed by his sworn brothers, MY, and NHS (though he still keeps an eye on the actual cultivators, he’s pretty much forgotten the rest of the Wen Remnants exist he just cares about the ones who know how to use a sword). Wangxian happens, idk how I’m voting for a wild Jingyi another orphan decides that he wants to meet the Purple Angry Man and body slams into WWX’s legs trying to get to the Purple man and LWJ catches him and it’s a full on romantic moment of staring into each other’s eyes while Jiang Cheng makes disgusted noises and Meng Yao pats his hand and just tells him to accept it.

Or Meng Yao stays in Lotus Pier because Jiang Cheng has problems and Meng Yao loves a messy loudmouth aggressive bitch with a secret heart of gold. Also Jiang Cheng is the exact kind of Demi-aroace dummy to not realize Meng Yao has a crush on LXC and keeps sending him over to Cloud Recesses to help with trade or something and MY gets to hang out with his crush constantly.

MY is Jiang Cheng’s personal advisor since WWX is currently refusing to process his trauma and staying in a very traumatic place. MY does try to help but WWX doesn’t trust him and probably only half trusts him around JC, BUT MY is very good with kids and helps work with JC on how to slip WWX supplies while negotiating directly with Nie and Lan without Jin glaring over him this time, and Jin Zixuan is more than happy to help when he can because again he’s just like the only one with modern morals and wants Lotus Pier to be strong since if all the sects fall then well the fucking demons/ghosts they hunt will eat them. So WWX is slowly atleast not ready to kill him, Meng Yao finds out WWX already destroyed half the Tiger Tally and tries to get him to let NMJ and LXC help him destroy it further (because that ties the three sects closer and so WWX won’t just stab someone if someone isn’t happy about the Wen’s existing)

Yanli poisons Jin Guangshan again because I think that’s the best way for him to go, Meng Yao does grieve but also that lasts for three minutes before Jiang Cheng shows up with some children he found in Yunmeng and Meng Yao needs to explain to him again that just because the kid latches on doesn’t mean you can take them home. But with JGS out of the way it’s a lot easier to strong arm NMJ into letting the Lan take the remnants (JC and NMJ still aren’t happy about it but NMJ can’t fight the three other sects and JC is getting his brother back and he’ll take the Wen living if that means WWX is too) and WWX returns to Lotus Pier. The truth of the golden core comes out probably via WWX having a flashback or panic attack or something (or that one theory of Yanli knowing,,,) words happen, WWX storms off to find LWJ.

Meng Yao wonders why he likes messy cry babies but still helps out Jiang Cheng because they’re technically brother in laws and also because he really does care about him. Wangxian happens and now Jiang Cheng is really pissed but WWX also said he wasn’t going to just up and leave so they’re on a rotating system but honestly everyone’s just waiting for them to move permanently to Lotus Pier because Lan Wangji has this giant hole in his heart for kids who love Wei Wuxian and Lotus Pier is filled with kids who are Jiang and therefore are insane ans love WWX.

Personally I think this one is the least likely but it sounds very nice right?

[aeonmagnus]

Happy 20th Anniversary Robots In Disguise!

This year, and today in particular, marks the 20-year anniversary of Transformers Robots in Disguise airing in the United States.  This was the official English language dub of the Japanese show Transformers Car Robots, which aired in Japan the year before.   This show and it’s accompanying toy line were a big shift in the Transformers brand and affected how things moved forward in the new millennium.  It was also a big influence on me and this website in it’s early years, so both the brand and TFW2005 may not be what it is today without it.

We hope you will read on after the break to check out our celebration of Robots in Disguise on it’s 20th!

Intro

The following is not a comprehensive article on the show proper, but rather a trip down memory lane from my personal perspective.  It was a period of change in my life, in the fandom, in the brand, and in the world – all happening at once.  Robots in Disguise was smack dab in the middle of it all and I think that’s why it still resonates with me all these years later.  For a deeper dive into the world of Robots In Disguise you can check RIDForever.info, a site I maintain just about RID and Car Robots. The 2021 updates are here, and the 2017 round of updates are here.  I’d also suggest checking the TFWe issue all about RID over on the 2005 Boards.  Now, onto today’s festivities…

The Show

RID, and yes I say RID as if it is the only RID.  If you must reference that other RID show and it’s off-shoots, refer to it as RID 201x, thanks. 😊 RID aired during the Fox Kids programming block on a Saturday morning, with additional episodes set to air each weekday during the afternoon hours.  Instead of stretching the show out over the course of 30+ weeks with only a new ep each weekend, they were going to blaze through it non-stop.  By the end of the first week, we would have been 7 eps in.  That however hit a big roadblock due to 9/11 just three days later.  While some local markets did air the episodes, many larger city networks, and especially east coast markets, stuck with news coverage.   Many of us did not catch the early episodes on TV the first go around.  In addition, several of the episodes got pulled from TV due to depictions of buildings being destroyed and other similar visuals which understandably could upset children that just experienced 9/11.  So right off the bat, the new millennium and new era of Transformers were dealing with a new reality.

The show, for those that don’t know – was a weird one-off in Transformers history.  We had G1 and then the G2 remixes for a bit.  Beast Wars came on the scene and ran all the way through 2000 with it’s successor – Beast Machines.   During the Beast Wars era – Japan did a couple of their own Beast Wars shows, non-CGI extensions of what we saw in the US.   Their market wasn’t quite ready for full CGI so they stuck with traditional anime.  When Hasbro decided to continue Beast Wars into Beast Machines, Takara went a completely different way – a traditional animated show which brought back Autobots and “Decepticons”, mixing them in with the beasts.  They focused the toys on a couple new and complex molds, then filled the rest of the line with repaints of previous toys.  Old 2nd tier Beast Wars toys, G2 Laser Prime, and even some Generation 1 molds in the form of the Combaticons got new life as new characters in this show, capped with the biggest TF of them all at the time – a repainted G1 Fortress Maximus, now Brave Maximus.  It was the prototype for what the Transformers brand did for years to come – repainting old toys into new characters.  Universe, Classics, Botcon, and even some Generations runs used this method to give us some great toys in the 00s.

While there is a very complicated and long explanation for how every single Japanese show is one continuity, to someone casually starting with Car Robots it was a refresh, a new story, a new arrival on Earth.  The Autobots vs the Predacons, and eventually the Combatrons/Decepticons. It was a hard cut from the last 5 years or so of CGI Beasts.  Hand drawn traditional animation featuring vehicle Transformers.  It wasn’t G1, but many of the folks who grew up with G1 were just getting out of college around this time.  They were rediscovering their childhood love of Transformers through Beast Wars, flea market finds, raids on their parents’ attics and basements, and for the internet savvy – imports of Japanese reissues from Takara.  It was a perfect storm of nostalgia; a return to Autobots and Decepticons was welcomed by kids and adults alike.

RID and TFW2005

In the years leading up to Car Robots, I was just getting into the internet, coding, design, some digital music, and all the possibility that came with it.  Beast Wars, especially when it hit Season 2/3 and the inclusion of G1 lore, really got me focusing on Transformers again as a hobby.  I eventually combined the two newfound hobbies into one and Transformer World 2005 was born.  At no point did I ever think it would last 20+ years and take over my life in the way it did.  I started the full version of TFW2005 around April 2000, with some starts and stops before that.  That was right around when Car Robots started airing in Japan.  Through the magic of 56k internet, I was able to connect with folks in Japan and get them to send me VHS tapes of Car Robots.  Really nice, high-quality tapes too, I still have them hehe.  To the younglings reading – try to picture this: no youtube, no video sharing. The concept of streaming anything did not exist yet. Napster and the eventual peer to peer stuff hadn’t fully kicked off.  Plus, we were all viewing the internet on giant computers in our rooms at the speed of 1x on your phone.  Less than 1 bar 3G mobile speeds today.

Yes, someone recorded episodes from TV to video tape over there, did that a couple weeks at a time, then physically mailed them across the world to me, who then got them on the internet.  Can you imagine waiting weeks to watch an episode of TV the size of a twitter profile avatar?  Crazy.  Uploading a full episode to the internet was a big pain in the ass, not easily done.  I decided to get a converter that allowed me to plug my VCR into the computer and encode the tape into digital format.  From there, it was reduced using Microsoft’s WMV technology so that the episodes were about 5 MB each.  30 minute episodes at 5MB each. Dimensions – 176 x 144 pixels.  4k video today – 3840 x 2160 pixels.  You can imagine that video looked like crap.  But we didn’t care – we were blown away.  Old school animation, vehicles, some cool Japanese anime vibes, it was what we as G1 fans kinda had in the back of our heads on what Transformers should be in a new era, and we were seeing it.  Most of us had no clue what they were saying or what was going on.  Also didn’t care.  I still to this day think CR/RID is better like that.

So one of the first things TFW2005 did on the internet was provide these super small windows into Car Robots and what was going on in Japan. It helped get US fans hyped up for what Transformers could be. It got us wanting the toys, and importers bringing the Takara toy line over were moving serious product.  It helped swing Hasbro, who was planning to return to Autobots and Decepticons again down the road, to move that schedule up.  Instead of running Beast Machines until 2002 and then starting what we now know as the Unicron Trilogy, it was cut short.  Robots in Disguise as a toy line and show came over in 2001, ran fast and hard for a year with non stop releases, got extended because it did so well, and then faded into the Universe line of repaints.  The new millennium of Transformers was here and Robot In Disguise kicked it off with a bang.

Wrap Up

As we all continue with collecting Transformers now, regardless if you tagged into the fandom during G1, Beasties, the Unicron Trilogy, the Movies, or just yesterday – let’s take the time to give Car Robots and RID some props!  It set the tone for what the new millennium of the brand would be.  It gave us some toys ahead of their time.  It solidified the repaint as an accepted thing in the hobby. And it gave us one crazy 39 episode run of TV that’s still a fun ride 20 years later.

For those that would like to learn more about RID and Car Robots – I still maintain a Robots in Disguise website that archives everything I have or came across.  There is a lot there if you want to go on a tour of all the awesome Car Robots and Robots In Disguise era stuff.  Check it out at RIDFOREVER.INFO! FIYAH!

Let us know what you think and remember from the good old days of RID on the 2005 Boards here!

Epilogue

If someone over there at Hasbro is reading – can someone please figure out who owns the rights to the show in the US market and then get it out on DVD in full, finally?  Work all that funky licensing stuff out (if there is any) and get it done.  The US has never had access to it via an official release.  Maybe get it up on YouTube like G1?  Something.  Announcing plans for that before the end of 2021 would be a nice 20th anniversary tribute.