101doa

[deepestzombiechild]

Having a mental breakdown but accidentally looked at the mirror, seeing I'm a bit too dramatic then cringing at that fact.

[cookiewoli]

I wrote this few days ago and forgot to post it.

It's the first time I'm writing something in English, sorry for the mistakes even if I used a translator to help me (´。＿。｀)

It's about some past of my builder Cassius.

(Obviously it's before he met Elsie)

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"Hey, are you listening to me?"

Cassius turned his head to the one standing next to him on the bed with a look of surprise.

"What?

- I asked you if you had a girlfriend."

He pulled himself off the blanket to sit on the side of the bed with a deep sigh. That question, he always dreaded it. It was always the same, to the point where he waited impatiently for every of his partner to ask him that damn question.

Cassius replied curtly:

"Isn't this evening enough for you?"

His partner rose from the bed to slap him lightly on the back.

"Hey I'm serious, don't make fun of me!" Despite her frustration, she let out a giggle of amusement.

He turned to look her straight in the eye. She was waiting impatiently for an answer. But... What was her name again? Her eyes sparkled with excitement. It must have been one of the best evenings of her life, the way she'd reacted. But for Cassius it was just a usual evening. His eyes were empty as he stared at this girl. He ran his hand through his hair to put it back in place, sighing as he sketched a slight smile. Finally, he replied:

"Nah I ain't got nobody."

His leg began to shake at a relentless, unrestrained pace. The best part of this evening was about to begin.

"Oh... It's amazing considering...

- My looks? My morphology? What do you mean?

There was a hint of irritation in his sentence.

- You're very attractive physically, and well-built, it's true...

- Is that all?" Cassius cut in.

His partner seemed confused by his tone. It seems that she has nothing to add.

"I-I don't know, I mean... We don't know each other well enough. That's why I'd like us to get to know each other.

- Get your relationship priorities straight."

This scornful, dry tone was beginning to irritate both people. The mood was beginning to darken. Cassius buried his face in his hands, as if to contain himself from exploding. His leg was shaking more and more, and his breathing was becoming more and more audible. Anxiety was rising dangerously within him.

"You just slept with a guy on the first night. And it's only afterwards that you want to get to know each other? Don't make me laugh."

That's it. He felt the need to be honest with her, even if it meant hurting her feelings. And he succeeded, for he heard a groan behind him. He turned his head to see his partner starting to cry.

"You..." She was at a loss for words.

She let go of her tears without restraint for a few seconds, before sniffling and trying to calm herself.

"I thought we... That you...

- That I loved you?"

Cassius burst out laughing. Was it amusement or embarrassment? Probably both. He opened the drawer beside him to pull out a wrapper for a lollipop. He withdrew the paper and popped the sweet into his mouth. Sugar (along with alcohol) was one of the things that relaxed him. And given the usual turn of events, he needed it. He now began to get dressed.

"Listen. I never said I wanted to start a serious relationship. I thought you understood that.

- So in your eyes I'm just a one-night stand?!

- See, you understand when you want to."

He fastened the last button on his shirt, avoiding his partner's gaze. He was about to leave when he felt a hand hold him back.

"Cassius! Cassius! Wait! This discussion isn't over!

- For me it is."

He tried to open the door, but she jumped in. Her sparkling gaze had disappeared and been replaced by one filled with anger and hatred. But... He detected something else. Was it contempt? Curiosity?

"Damn, what the hell do you want from me?!"

He slammed his fist against the wall in front of him. Anxiety rose again and again. He could feel his whole body shaking.

"I'm not here to yell at you or lecture you...

- Then what the fuck are you doing ? Why are you pissing me off?

- I want to understand! Understand you!

Tears were welling up in his eyes again.

- Forget it. It's a waste of time.

- I'm worried about you!

- I don't give a damn."

He crunched involuntarily on his lollipop, which broke into pieces in his mouth. Damn.

"To tell you the truth... I'm aware of the number of girls you...Had fun for one night here.

- I thought you weren't here to lecture me? And anyway, you're not the first to do that to me.

The discussion was about to take an unexpected turn.

- At first, I couldn't believe it. When the girls found out about each other, they were all mad. But I wanted to know why you did it. Do you enjoy breaking people's hearts? To party one night and leave the next morning? To empty the liquor cabinet to the point where you can't walk afterwards? Why are you doing this ?"

There was a long silence. No one had ever asked him that question. And then he thought about it. It's true... That he'd had far too many relationships with girls that never lasted more than a few days at the best of times. Subconsciously, he knows why he's doing all this. But how can he explain it to someone who can't read his mind?

His partner noticed that his question had struck a chord. He stared into space, searching deep inside for an answer. He sighed and went to sit back down on the bed to begin his tantrum again, his face buried in his hands while repeatedly slamming his leg against the floor. She'd just destabilized him. HIM!!! Cassius, the popular six-foot-two guy with exemplary muscularity and the face of a handsome, unflappable man.

"I... I don't do this to hurt people."

He whispered.

"Yet you must suspect that your behavior is shameful."

She leaned against the door, as if to make sure he wouldn't take off running. But anyway, Cassius isn't a coward. I mean, he's not... To the point of running away from a discussion.

"I don't care if people hates me."

He dropped a tear, which he quickly wiped away with one hand so it wouldn't be noticeable.

"I hate myself too."

He paused before continuing:

"I just want to... Feel alive."

He swept his gaze around the room in search of something. Alcohol, more precisely. He found one right next to the bed, which wasn't finished yet. He took a big gulp of alcohol before continuing:

"I feel so empty. All the time. I'm looking for something that might make me feel alive. And even when I do feel something deep down... It's only temporary.

- Do you really think that sleeping around and getting drunk is going to make you feel alive?! You're killing yourself!

- Maybe I'm already dead."

He finished the rest of the bottle in one big gulp before lying back on the bed.

"You know what might make you feel something?"

She'd just gotten his attention.

"Love."

Cassius held back from spitting out what he'd been drinking at such a silly answer. He'd heard that joke before, but this was really funny!

"How could I love anyone?! When I don't love anyone, even myself? He laughed.

- You could have someone who loves you, and who'll help you love yourself too.

- I don't want that. Do you know why? Because I'm incapable of showing affection, in the loving sense. Loving someone includes protecting that person as if their life depended on it. And yet, I've totally screwed up even protecting my little sister from her mother. When she disappeared, a part of me was shattered."

Now he had opened his heart. He let go completely. Was it the alcohol that made him like this? He lay on the bed, weeping and laughing. His head was tilting from side to side, and his hands on his chest were shaking.

"How could anyone love a guy who couldn't protect his partner? Besides, that's why I've had such a chaotic journey. Since that day, I've felt a hole inside me. I joined Duvos' army like my father, thinking that saving people would fill what I'd lost inside. Bullshit! All Duvos talks about is the Empire, over and over again. They don't give a fuck about the people and the people who suffer everyday in their country"

The girl left her place at the door to sit beside him. She sensed that he really needed to confide in someone.

"So I started a lot of traveling before I figured out what I wanted to do. I thought that by creating weapons, the habitants could defend themselves against those who martyred them. I explored ruins all over the country to make my own creations. But it didn't change anything about the hole inside me."

He stood up and gently took his partner's hand to place it against his heart.

"Can you feel anything?" he asked. After a few seconds staring straight into each other's eyes, she was about to answer, but Cassius answered before her:

"I can't hear or feel anything. That proves I can't love.

He let go of her hand and lowered his eyes.

- But would you like to? To fall in love? Not with me of course, I get that, don't worry.

- How will I know when I fall in love?

- You'll feel it."

She stretched out her index finger and pointed it at where her hand used to rest. She touched his chest, then his belly. This last touch surprised Cassius, who exclaimed:

"Haha! And now you're going to touch my lower belly, right? How can love touch the heart and the bell-

- Butterflies.

He blinked, thinking he'd heard wrong.

- Butterflies? Butterflies?

- Yes. That's what you call having butterflies in your stomach. You'll see. When you're in love, you'll feel yourself floating in happiness. You'll be nervous, all red and sweaty...

- Like when I fuc-

- HEY! Don't ruin my philosophy lesson!"

They both burst out laughing. The mood had just softened. Cassius let out one last nervous chuckle, before finished :

"Thanks."

His partner's eyes widened. Had Cassius just been nice? He who usually insulted everyone and constantly threatened to smash someone's face in?

"See. The mere fact that you cried and said thank you proves you've got a heart. Now it's up to you to get it going again."

She rose from the bed and headed for the door. The end of the evening had gone well in the end. Just before leaving, she winked at Cassius.

"I won't see you tomorrow. I guess you'll be leaving for the next town tomorrow.

- Yeah, well... I don't know where to go yet. Maybe I'll just join my group of adventurous friends to kill some time.

- Don't forget. Love.

- Yeah yeah..."

She walked away.

Silence reigned. Cassius found himself alone again. Talking had done him good, but he still felt frustrated. And still empty.

"Everything is temporary." he repeated to himself.

"Happiness. Friendship. Love." He let out a final sigh as he ran his hand through his hair while the last tear rolled down his cheek. Just thinking about meeting someone and starting a relationship that lasted more than a few days seemed impossible for him. How would he know when he'd met the right person? What "love" means ?

[not-so-rosyyy]

no idea if it's my hormones, what I've seen in the news lately, the weight of living the past few years, or just because it's Judi Dench...but this impromptu performance really made me cry for a good ten minutes, no kidding.

[ancientsstudies]

Farewell, Professor McGonagall.

[zovie9638]

Hello, just dropping this here, see you next week,

to be continued

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Why would you—That's not—I just wanted to ask for help, why did you have to go and make it awkward???

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[bergselise]

[royalarchivist]

Phil: When people tell me like, they've learned English from me, I'm just like "Oh no no no no no... Nononononono... No mames... No mames..."

Phil: Maybe reduce the swearing a little bit? Not me, you. [Thanks a dono and laughs]

[choctalksalot]

a dirk jake? how will dirk get ajake . now

[dirkapitater]

jake english rips BECUZ THERES LIKE NONE OF HIM ITS NOT FAIR 2 MY BOY!!

[kausijuoppo]

Ammattilaisilla on standardit

(Edit: English translation in ALT)

[mspaintripventure]

[yourdailyqueer]

Caroline Spurgeon (deceased)

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Lesbian

DOB: 24 October 1869 

RIP: 24 October 1942

Ethnicity: White - English

Occupation: Professor, literary critic

Note: First female university professor in London, the second in England. She was the first female professor of English Literature. First woman to be awarded a chair at the University of London, and only the third in Britain.

[wafflesrisa]

As an actually autistic person who learned English as a second language can I just say this about Yuki:

If your reaction to Yuki’s sincere apology, written in his own cadence and “imperfect” English, is to disbelieve his statement that he genuinely did not know what the R-slur meant and then call for cancelling him on all platforms -

I want you to take a long look at yourself and think hard about where your expectation that he is lying about his knowledge of the term actually comes from. Think about it for a second.

You are not actually helping autistic people. You’re just racist.

[nat-20s]

Jon Sims is so "my god what have I done" coded. Jon Sims is so prideandprejudice2005handflex.mp4. coded. Jon Sims is so "o that this too solid flesh would melt" coded. Jon Sims is SO fucking "I do love nothing in the world as well as you. Is that not strange?" Coded

[dglvr1760]

Today we were fed

Hehehe amazing art @otaku553 and as usual heres my fan art hehe

Okie doke have a good one byeee

(I get to see my bf tomorrowww hehehe)