#(she loves seeing him help people because she knows how much he loves it even when he tries to bury it under bluster and jokes)

[ahgasegotarmy116]

He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Eight

Summary: Jungkook shows you how you deserve to be loved but you're still doubting yourself Pairing: Noona reader x Jeon Jungkook (She's 28 and he's 22) Word Count: 3.1k~ Warnings: Smuuuuutttt and explicit language lol a/n: Sorry I edged ya'll for so long but I wrote all day just to get this out! That you for the people who sent me asks about the story because I definitely took a lot longer to update than I thought I had (I swear I either update too soon or wait wayyy too long) p.s. Barely edited so please have mercy on me lol Start from the beginning

"Lift your hips for me love" he says while caressing the outside of my thigh and I do as he says. He places a pillow under me, angling my hips just how he wants them, giving him a better angle this time. 

He takes time to study my body, almost as if he was committing it all to memory. 

"Stop doing that" I whine, getting embarrassed by his heated gaze and he chuckles dryly as I use one of my feet to push him away by his shoulder. "I'm sorry I can't help it, you're just so beautiful" he mumbles and I have to choke back a sound I would be embarrassed to let out as a reaction to his word alone. Not wanting to let him how much control he has over me and my body. 

"I want you" I say, sitting up and grabbing him by the neck to pull him down on top of me  to stop this waiting game. He responds with kisses laced with almost a sense of desperation, him now showing physical responses based off of my words. 

"You have no fucking idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that to me" he says against my lips and that same fluttering feeling stirs up inside me. I open my eyes as he's just resting his lips against mine and see that he's looking at me and I turn my face to the side but he pulls me back towards him and caresses my cheek.

"How long have you known I wanted you?" he asks and the air in my lungs disappears, not knowing how I'm supposed to respond to it. "A while" I choke out and he nods his head resting it against mine. "Thank you for not leading me on" he says and he doesn't give me a chance to respond as he's pressing his lips against mine and driving me crazy as his fingers start to toy with me again. 

"You sure you want to do this?" he says, pumping two fingers in and out of me before adding another one making me tense up at the stretch but soon I'm putty in his hands again. "Yes please fuck Jungkook please I want this I want you" I say, emphasizing the last part since I know it drove him crazy just moments ago. 

I hear him curse under his breath before he get off of me and takes off his shirt, flashing those jaw dropping abs I was sure he had. Nothing insane but just enough to show me how well he takes care of himself leaving me wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did to deserve a man like him. 

Once he takes off his jeans and boxers I know I'm done for, leaving me gulping at his size. 

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you" he says, taking note of my apprehension as he gets on top of me again. "But what if I want you to hurt me?" I question, testing the waters and seeing how far he would push me. "No none of that. At least not tonight. I don't want any of this to be brought back to him" he growls out, hating the fact that he's even mentioned him. 

"I want to show you what you actually deserve and I want you to know that I will never treat you like that" he says and goes back to playing with my entrance, drawing figure eights around my clit to help me loosen up for him. 

I whine and he laughs, knowing exactly how impatient I'm getting, "I know pretty, I know. I just don't wanna hurt you" he says and drags his middle finger against that spot I've been dying for him to get to all night. "Fuck right there" I groan, back arching off the mattress and he does it again making my breath hitch, knowing this is only the beginning. 

"So greedy. Just trying to get you ready for me and you can't even appreciate what I've already given you. Noona I thought you knew better than that" he taunts and I moan when he hits that spot again. "Does my Noona like being talked down to?" he asks and I let out a breathy yes, not being able to comprehend everything completely but knowing I'll love anything he'll give me. 

"Noted" he says under his breath, tucking that bit of information in the back of his mind to use later but knows he wants to treat me differently tonight. 

He rubs his cock head up and down my fold and I can't help but purr at the feeling, so addicted to him already and knowing that I'll never want anyone else but him. 

I watch him with his brows pinched together, concentrating and also getting lost in the feeling. The vision of his cock running through my folds is a mesmerizing scene that he hardly wants to stop but once I start to wiggle my hips in frustration he knows that he's toyed with me enough.

"You sure you want this?" he asks again, once last confirmation of my consent and although I'm glad that he's being careful I just need him inside me already. "Fuck yes Jungkook please" are the words that fall from my lips, accompanied by a moan as he's started to press himself into me right when they've left my mouth. 

My eyes squeeze shut as he inches inside of me and once his head is all the way in I let out a breath and he stops, resting his forehead against mine and waits for me to relax. "Can I keep going?" he groans out, holding back being so hard for him with the way I've been wrapped around him. 

"Yes just go slow" I breath out and he does as I say, something about this moment almost makes me feel like a virgin again. The sounds, the sensations, the way he touches me, it all feels too pure and so new, as if he was scared I might break. 

My breath hitches a few times as he continues to push in but once he's bottomed out and has hit that spot I let out a moan, feeling close to cumming already.

He gives me a few more seconds to adjust, his breathing even shakier than mine making me feel the need to check on him. 

"Jungkook what's wrong?" I ask, surprised as to how I can even speak with him buried this deep inside me but my want to take care of him stronger than any high I might be seeking. "N-nothing it's just been a while" he chuckles, muscles in his back contracting and I can tell how much he's been holding himself back.

"You can move" I breathe out, happy knowing that he hasn't been with someone in a while and also that he's putting my needs before his own.

"Shit Noona you feel so good" he says as he rocks back and forth into me. A deep and sensual rhythm rivaled to Tae's harsh and sharp one, making sure I enjoy it rather than hurrying to simply chase that high. 

"You're so perfect for me" he say, mumbling every little thought that comes to his head, praising  me and making me drunk off his words, bringing me closer and closer to release with every thrust. 

"Kiss me" I say, my moans and breathy gasps getting too embarrassing for me to listen to anymore. He obliges but only for a moment, kissing me breathless but pulling back again so he can watch as my face contorts with pleasure. 

"Fuck you're so pretty" he says, thrusting harder now, driving me up the wall and knocking the wind out of me as he picks up his pace. His eyes darken when I open mine and look at him, drunken lust written all over my face and with the pace he's drilling into me at I can't even pretend to hold back. 

I wrap my legs around his waist to tell him to keep going, my nails no doubt leaving red scratch marks on his back, in an unintentional response to the purple marks he had sucked into my skin. My neck, breasts and torso, covered in proof of the time and effort he put into worshiping every part of me. 

He rocks into me over and over again, the sound of him getting more and more vocal showing me that he's getting close as well, letting myself relax from trying to hold off my high as every little thing he's done has dragged me closer and closer to that edge. 

"S-so close" I choke out and he chuckles, kissing me before telling me to let go. "Go ahead, show me how pretty you look when you cum" he taunts and at that I'm soaring, moaning his name over and over, unintelligible words accompanying it making him drill into me harder, the knowledge of him fucking me dumb driving him wild. 

"Can't even remember your name can you Noona? Only thing in that pretty little head of yours is mine now" he growls and his hips stutter, leaving him biting onto my neck to muffle his voice as he cums inside me. 

He fucks himself though his high leaving me whining in overstimulation and he soon pulls out and looks at the mess we've made.

"So swollen" he says, playing with me and pushing his cum back inside. "Jungkook stop it hurts" I say pushing his hand away from me and he stops immediately and lays down on his back, pulling me on top of him as we catch our breaths. The only sounds in the room besides us being the clock that sits on the wall, time passing by and reminding me that if I don't play my cards right this could be the last time this happens. 

"Are you okay?" he asks after our breathing has calmed and we've been stuck in silence for what I'm sure might've been a little too long for him.

I hum in response, not really knowing how to feel. "Did I hurt you?" he asks, his heart rate picking up audible to me with how he has me rested on his chest, letting me know he's scared he's done something wrong. "No Jungkook I'm fine I just..." I trail off and he sits up making me do the same  and I sit there with my head down, not knowing how to voice my emotions. 

"Do you regret it?" he asks, tilting my chin up so I can look him in the eye but once I do I can see vulnerability written all over his face, praying that I'll say no but knowing that even if I do there's a small part of me that might be saying yes. 

"No I don't regret it I just don't know how to feel. I never thought that I would be the kind of person who would cheat on my husband" I voice and he hums in response, making moves to get off the bed but I grip onto his wrist. 

"Where are you going?" I ask and he gives me a sad smile, "I was going to get you a towel so you can clean up. I thought you might want a second to think before we actually talked about this since I can already tell that you might feel like this wasn't the best decision" he says but when I open my mouth to say something I can't come up with anything to combat what he's said. 

He nods his head and guides my hand off of him, kissing the back of it before letting it go, my arm falling limp onto the bed while the thoughts of me hurting him plaguing me with even more guilt than the fact that I cheated. 

I don't know what I'm supposed to say to make this right.

He comes out of the bathroom that we had been in at the start of all of this with a warm towel that he uses on me after he guides me to lay back down, apologizing when he's pressed a little too hard, forgetting for a second how swollen I had gotten. 

He throws the towel in the laundry basket in the bathroom and comes back to the bed and sits next to me, running his fingers through my hair, no doubt trying to help me relax instead of stressing about all of the emotions I'm feeling flooding though my mind. 

"Should I go home?" he asks and my eyes widen, knowing for a fact now that I really have hurt him enough for him to want to leave. "No, please stay with me. I'm sorry I just don't know what's going on" I say truthfully and he nods, leaning down to kiss me but instead of on my lips this time he places one on my forehead, withholding a sense of intimacy that I might not want to continue to have with him. 

He asks me where some fresh sheets are and tells me to go to the bathroom and he'll have the bed ready again once I get back, giving me another opportunity to think things through. 

I cheated on my husband, a man that for as far as I know has been cheating on me for years and now I cheated on him. What I did though wasn't out of spite but the need to be with someone who truly cares about me. Someone I desire and desires me but not just my body. Someone who wants me mind, body and soul. Or at least I think he does. 

Do I really deserves someone like him? Someone so pure and kind and selfless when all I've caused him is pain and heartbreak. I knew that he was falling for me and I entertained him anyways because he was kind and young and handsome but I never intended for things to go this far. 

Am I happy that things turned out the way the they did? I don't know. Do I want to be with him? Yes. But I don't think he deserves to take on someone with so much baggage. He's still young and already has so much on his plate and I don't want to be the person who adds more onto it. 

Would it be wrong to be selfish for once? Would it be wrong to fall for a man that's fallen for me even with all my doubts and flaws and hesitations? I don't know the answer to that but I want to. God I want him more than I ever thought I could want someone. 

He's shown me what it feels like to be loved. Does he love me? I don't know but his actions have shown me he cares about me more than someone should care about a friend. More than a man should care about a woman who he hardly knows. 

"Noona" I hear accompanied by a soft knock on the other side of the bathroom door. "Is everything okay?" he asks, concern truly laced through his tone and I rush to finish up, needing to be with him. I answer with a hurried 'yes' and then once I leave the bathroom I make certain to show him that he's done nothing wrong. 

"I'm fine, I promise" I say, and chance a kiss to which he melts into, the tension he had once felt dissipating. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to feel after everything that happened between Tae and I before you showed up and then after he saw you and then with everything that happened between us it just hit me all at once" I say and he nods his head, grabbing my hand and leading me back towards the bed where we both sit down. 

"Are you okay?" I finally ask, remembering the fact that I have yet to check up on him but already knowing the answer since his body language betrays him whenever he's with me. "I'm just worried that you might not want to see me again after this" he says his eyes turned down, not being able to meet my gaze but I rush to deny his claims. 

"I would never say that. I'm sorry I worried you but I want you, not just physically but I want you to stay with me. Stay by my side" I say and his shoulders slump. "But you don't want to be with me" he says and I shake my head. "I want to be with you Jungkook I really do but I can't put a label on this..." I says and motion between the two of us, "until I figure out things with Taehyung" I finish and he lifts his head, needing to know exactly what I mean by that. 

"You're still gonna leave him right?" he asks and I give him a sad smile before nodding again, reassuring him that I meant what I said to him back there. "Yes I promise, I just have to see what my options are in terms of divorce and the possible need for a restraining order since I know what type of man Taehyung is. I'm just afraid that you might regret trying to be with someone like me" I trail off and his brows pinch together in confusion. 

"What do you mean someone like you?" he asks, clearly not seeing the bigger picture here. "Someone who has drama and is literally trying to get out of an abusive marriage and about to have a psycho ex husband that I know will be hanging around for God know's how long. I just don't want you to bite off more than you can chew" I say and he nods his head, understanding now that my hesitation hasn't been just regret or doubt but also concern for him. 

"Contrary to what you'd like to think Noona I know what I'm doing. I knew from the start what getting involved with a married woman might entail but I was up for it anyway because it was you. Call me young and dumb but I knew that I wanted to be with you from the first moment I saw you" he says, looking at me with the biggest, brightest eyes full of the purest form of puppy love that I truly hope will never fade.

"Okay" I say and grab his hand while he brings his other one up to cup my face and pulls me closer into a soft kiss. One that started off as a mere peck but has slowly turned into more, a fire being lit between us and as we inch closer and closer to the flame all I can do is pray that we won't turn to ashes once everything is said and done. 

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[voidpumpkin]

A definite theme of dungeon meshi is that of selfishness and selflessness with pretty much every character defined by these two things in some way

most obviously there's the winged lion who's entire existence is defined by selfishness, he just consumes, consumes and consumes, ruining everybody, with labyrinth he is bound to and he himself encouraging and shaping the selfish and selfless desires of others. His greatest desire, to consume everybody is the ultimate act of selfishness in the series yet he frames it as and pretty genuinely views it as an act of great selflessness, which is part of another theme in the show of people imposing their selfless desires on to other people.

As can be seen with Marcille, from the beginning she is shown as the most outwardly selfless, she's the one always wanting to help other adventurers, aside from Laios the loudest advocate for rescuing Falin, resents Namari for abandoning Falin and is shocked to find out Chilchuck is doing this because he is being paid. She's the one who crosses all moral and ethical barriers to save Falin, to defeat the dungeon rabbits. And then we see how she has the greatest most all encompassing desire of them all, to equal everyone's lifespan to one thousand with a selfless motive behind it, that it will erase bigotry between races. The selflessness of it is something she is almost proud, she's insulted and very insistent that she doesn't want more selfish desire like having a child or becoming a full blooded elf. Yet this selfless desire comes from a selfish place of never wanting to experience loss and is a desire (with the winged lions help) becomes one she seeks to impose on others

Similarly to Thistle who is THE example of how selfless desires become twisted and selfish by the dungeon as he original wanted to protect the kingdom and makes sure they live forever, though even then this was a selfish desire imposed upon him by Delgal. Now after a thousand years of running the dungeon he is all selfishness that he views as selflessness.

Then there is the other notable former dungeon master, Mithrun. Once viewed as a pure and selfless man by those around him he harboured countless selfish desires that the demon exploited and consumed, leaving him with what he and others thought was just the desire for revenge. A selfish desire that manifested in a selfless form as he puts his life on the line to rid the world from demons. It's through this we see one of his most interesting traits, his sincere desire to reach out and help other dungeon masters, compared to all other interactions he is never this gentle or talkative with them, the other canaries quite clearly just want to kill them, but Mithrun, one of the very few people who can understand what they're going through talks to them. By the end of the series we also come to know that his selfish desire for revenge was in fact an entirely different selfish desire, to be consumed.

Not on to Izutsumi, she's a character defined by her selfishness, as a result of her upbringing she has to rely on and care for only herself but then she becomes a part of the touden party and is put in a caring environment for the first time, and in response grows to genuinely care for them as well, risking her life in ways she wouldn't have done before. Izutsumi acts as a pretty potent example of the crews selflessness with all of them (except Laios, who they defend her from his monster fixation) acting as parents to her. Marcille gives her the love and affection, both emotional and physical that she'd never received up until that point, and didn't even know she needed. Chilchuckvis the only one with actual experience as a parents and only parental figure who has treated Izutsumi well, he pretty quickly realises she is acting like a teenage girl and quickly adjusts to treating and caring for her as such. Sensei, who is pretty much all paternal instincts cares for her the only way he knows how and is the first person to adjust meals to her needs and desires. Izutsumi can be seen as a demonstration of environments shaping a person, her formative years being treated terribly made her selfish whilst this new caring environment allowed her to become selfless for the first time.

Building off the paternal instincts comment from earlier, that one of the two things that define senshi's selflessness. Sensei is both a deeply mature and deeply selfless character, as a result his selflessness comes in more casual and more adult forms. In respecting the autonomy of others and providing them with food. With these drawing from the two things mentioned earlier, his paternal instincts but also his experiences with starvation. His paternal instincts are best shown in the chapter after Falin is taken as we see inside his head, seeing he views Chilchuck and Marcille as very young and that it is his responsibility to feed them, and considered it a failing on his part if he doesn't. This paternal instinct also is what leads him to secretly resent Laios and Marcille as he believes Chilchuck to be a child and views them as exploiting him and putting him in harms way. His focus on feeding others is of course a result of his experience with starvation, he NEVER wants anyone to go through what he went through and is THE way we see him caring for people outside of the Touden party

Next up Chilchuck, a character who at first seems to be a deeply selfish ones, as he journeys with the group because he is paid to, not because he wants to. But then we do come to respect this, as dungeoneering is a job, a very dangerous one that, and like all jobs it deserves proper compnesation. Which is something he actively tries to facilitate in one of his greatest acts of selflessness, where after having experienced the selfishness of other races and their willingness to use half-foots as bait, he starts a union to ensure proper pay and workers rights for half-foots. Though rather interestingly our first exposure to it is through the deeply selfish Mikbell, who frames what Chilchuck is doing as an act of selfishness. We also soon understand that he deeply cares about his friends, more than even he wants to as he continues to travel with them even when the job is technically done. This does result in a moment of selfless/selfish desire as he seeks to trick the group into leaving falin behind because he genuinely cares about then, he thinks they're in over their head and wants to protect them, again selfless desire that is selfish, though he does come to respect their wishes.

Speaking of Falin. cause of her minimal time to be a character we're left what screen time she gets and that's a character defined by her selflessness, from her communication with ghosts, being framed as a mothrrly figure to Thistle and the acted that began the series, sacrificing her life to save the crew, and would define how they act going forward.

For Namari it caused her to leave and take up the better offers she'd received. A selfish act that Marcille in particular resents her for but is explained by both her backstory, she is trying to buy back the honour her father stole, which would hopefully repair the relationship between the Lord of the island and dwarves, a selfless act, and the establishment of dungeoneering as a dangerous job that deserves compensation, which is why Laios and Chilchuck who do view it as a job don't resent her while Marcille who doesn't view it as a job (a. she's very open about not viewing dungeoneering as a career b. ancient magic research is her goal, thus the particularities of dungeoneering never mattered to her) does resent her. We do see other moments of selflessness from wanting to know Kiki and Kaka's age so she can identify them if they need resurrecting and standing up for Laios. Namari's character is one meant to show selfishness, especially when your life is one the line, is not inherently immoral.

The other crew member who left as a result of Falin's death is Toshiro (Shuro), who immediately goes off to find a strong crew he is hopeful can make it through the dungeon as fast a possible to rescue Falin. In opposition to Namari he is someone who chooses selflessness over this own life, running himself ragged to save her, but it is this focus on her other his needs that causes him to fail, running yourself ragged will leave you unable to succeed, as demonstrated to him by Laios. Laios is a man he resents for various reasons but one of them being that he doesn't see Laios as sincere in his care, that he doesn't express his selflessness in a 'proper' way. That his happy go lucky attitude and focus on keeping himself health are proof that he doesn't care, when in actuality a) that's just who laios is b) Laios looking after himself is a form of selflessness because how can one help others if they can't even stand.

Laios sits in the middle of selfishness and selflessness, defined in equal parts by them. He is completely sincere and dedicated to his selflessness, willing to risk his life and go it alone to save Falin, he seeks non-violent solutions to deal with his human enemies, wanting to talk to Thistle and get him to respect the citizens of the golden kingdom's wishes and doing the same with Marcille alongside working to defeat the winged lion and putting himself on the line to do so, as well as becoming the king of the golden kingdom, which he clearly doesn't want. yet he also has a lot of selfish desires because of this and being an extremely autistic dude with basically no social skills he's viewed as worse than he is, both on his and other's fault. He loves monsters and his entire life is defined by his obsession with them, this obsession spawned from a resentment of humans how they treated his sister (he got over it, he was a teen). He seeks to examine Izutsumi, and while he means no disrespect or anything gross by it, she is a teenager and has some pretty serious trauma surrounding being treated as a circus animal. He disrespects Lycion's treatment to his suicidal body dysmorphia because it's a 'skin deep' appreciation of monsters. He views saving Falin as an opportunity to finally consume monsters, his selfish desires and his willingness to express then when it really isn't an oppurtune time to do so (dude, your sister's life is on the line) mean he is taken at his worst, viewed as literally villain by Kabru and the canaries. Laios as the protagonist of story with pretty clear themes of selflessness and selfishness shows one who is outwardly a very selfish person yet the moment you stop to look is a deeply deeply selfless person, even if he is bad communicating.

This brings us to his foil Kabru. Kabru pretty clearly defines himself by his selflessness, viewing himself as superior for it, believing he should be the one to conquer the dungeon and that Laios is unworthy based on his shallow understanding of him. This selflessness is further deconstructed as something very bad for him as similarly to Toshiro is clearly doesn't value himself like he should, not allowing himself to have selfish desires, with it being pretty clear this worldview is shaped by his childhood trauma, of seeing what the dungeon can do, his survivors guilt and believing he has a duty to prevent it. This brings him into interesting conflict with Mithrun and Laios. The former is someone is a person who literally cannot care for himself and must rely on others to do that for him. His lack of care for himself, unawareness of his own needs astounds Kabru, rather ironically considering Kabru's lack of focus on his own and his focus on Mithrun, who is noted to be looking better than usual thanks to Kabru's treatment by Lycion, indeed his focus on analysing and understanding other people in general can be seen as a form of his selflessness/care for others at his expense. The latter is a person who confounds Kabru, Laios is the first person who Kabru cannot understand, the first person he can't just casually befriend one so utterly antithetical to his own interests as Laios is fixated and loves the very thing Kabru is horrified by, monsters. This also shows arguably the biggest example of Kabru valuing others, his selflessness at his own expense when eats the monster food Laios offered him, looking like he might die as he does so. This horror and confusion causes him become fixated on Laios, he is a puzzle Kabru must solve, but also because of Kabru's views on monsters, selfishness and selflessness he views Laios as an active and terrifying threat that must be stopped. But underlying this is what Kabru refuses to acknowledge until he confronts Laios next time they meet, he wants to befriend Laios, something that horroifies himself, both cause this is Laios, but this is a selfish desire. Admitting to Laios is an admission to himself that he has a selfish desire and that maybe just maybe that isn't so bad and that doesn't make him a lesser person. This acknowledgment that desires are part of who you are is what allows him to reach Mithrun, Kabru developed a new desire, to befriend Laios and thus Mithrun can too. Kabru is very potent foil to Laios, a character defined by selfish desires and seen as dangerous because of them when in fact he is deeply deeply selfless, as he is character who looks down on selfish desire and values selflessness to his own expense, only to learn through Laios that selfish desires are not inherently bad, thus allowing Kabru to help others even more.

And last but not least is elves as a whole and in particular the canaries. Elves are this selflessness and selfishness theme on a societal scale as their racial paternalism means they view it is their duty to look after races whilst also not respecting them or their autonomy and this causing great harm, with the canaries and Milsiril being microcosims of this. The canaries are a force tasked with stopping dungeons a selfless act, though motives selfish as while some clearly do it to save lives, it's established that one of the reasons they do so is to get their hands on the ancient magic inside and their racial paternalism means they don't trust other races to know the secret of dungeons, which almost dooms everybody. We also see how many of the members of it are criminals, who quite frankly are selfish cunts, really racist to non elves and are more than willing to put shorter lived races in harms way to get what they want. Milsiril is this racial paternalism embodied, as she's dedicated her life to looking after children of other races, a selfless desire, but she clearly doesn't see them quite as equals with there also being the implication that this is the result of a selfish desire to deal with her own loneliness.

Desire is a key theme in dungeon meshi with selflessness and selfish being the accompaniment to it that really makes so much it so potent.

[capacityfornirvana]

I have seen people on here, mostly from a certain ship (but not only), imply or outright assert that Tommy should not be Buck's lifelong love because he's Buck's first male partner. That it would be concerning, or wrong, for Buck to go all the way with Tommy because he still has so much to learn about his bisexuality. Essentially, that even if Buck and Tommy worked out, it would be based on something unstable, because Tommy should or only could be a learning lesson for Buck, as opposed to an authentic and fully realized love.

That sentiment really, really bothers me, and reeks of outdated, harmful stereotypes that look to--whether it be intentional or subconsciously--shove an entire group into the same box.

Now, don't get me wrong. Would it be unrealistic, if the writers decide to use Tommy as a stepping stone for Buck's discovery process, ultimately leading to Buck realizing that Tommy actually isn't the right person for him? That he needs to continue dating more men before coming to terms with what he actually wants? Honestly, no. It might be overused and tired within the world of fiction, but it wouldn't be unrealistic. Hell, straight people do that all the time, going through numerous partners and discovering what their preferences are before deciding on a forever person.

HOWEVER, LGBTQ+ people (and in this particular case, I'm going to spotlight bisexuals, for obvious reasons) are not 'one size fits all', and I really, really shouldn't have to be saying this. I am so tired of people in fandom spaces, because I see this a lot in fandoms (and even from people IN the LGBTQ+ community), who push this narrative that we're all the same. We all feel the same, we all think the same, we all go through the same exact process when it concerns love and sex and general discovery.

No, we don't, and anyone who claims otherwise is being incredibly regressive, closed-minded, and insulting.

I know numerous LGBTQ+ individuals who went on to marry their very first partners. I know several bisexual men and women who went on to marry their first same-sex partner. No, it doesn't happen every time. But it does happen, because we are all individual human beings who are not tied down to the same blueprint. Because we are all individuals with our own unique needs, wants, and romantic desires. We all have different levels of confidence, shame, excitement, curiosity, and determination, from which we operate from.

So, with all that being said, would it be unrealistic if Buck discovers that Tommy IS the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with? Hell no, it wouldn't be. Because Buck is someone who is passionate about love. Some part of him has always been committed to finding his forever person. And he has learned throughout the series, how important it is to be authentically oneself. Hen once told him she moves to the beat of her own drum, and that he should too, and it was clear he took that statement to heart, long before he discovered his bisexuality. And I think that has undeniably shown throughout his development, and throughout his developing interactions with Tommy. And yes, Tommy can be someone who helps Buck learn more about himself and his bisexuality, but that lesson is one that can lead to fulfillment and happiness.

The discovery process for LGBTQ+ individuals does not need to end in disappointment and heartbreak. It can actually lead to something very beautiful, very quickly.

Stop putting us in the same boxes.

/rant

[demaparbat-hp]

I can definitely see a version of katara, a couple years after sokka goes off with their dad, watching her tribe struggle for resources, first being overjoyed to welcome this air nomad, somebody around her age and also trying to save whats left of their culture in the fire nation’s wake, and then so betrayed when he’s (in her eyes) suddenly the reason they’ve all been suffering for so long, the reason she doesn’t know whether her brother and father are alive or not.

And then zuko coming along, not only with a tangible plan to stop the war and help her family, but also a way *out*. She loves her tribe and would do anything for them, but she’s also a teenager that feels so angry, so alone and helpless, and can only see a future where she lives and dies on this small patch of ice, feeling the pull of the moon but being too busy, too tired, too ignorant to heed its call. Of course its the scariest thing she’s ever done. I bet she deals with nightmares after the righteousness wears off and it sinks in what shes signed up for, the last waterbender of the southern water tribe on a metal fire nation boat. But if katara does anything its buckle down and commit.

I would love to know how zuko even gets into a position to have a conversation with katara and tell her his plan. What is their first meeting like, to not only divulge that, but want her on his crew? Do the two of them do their best to teach her waterbending; does uncle iroh help? I can only imagine watching katara struggle but keep on getting up to try the forms again and again brings back some of his own memories learning bending (i love your art, i love all the details about this au and all the others youve dropped, thank you for sharing even when people are dicks)

You have put this into words much better than I ever could. Her journey, her development and what drove her to make the decision to leave it all behind.

Zuko is a different person in this AU, and has had different experiences. He respects their village's boundaries, and comes in a small ship with two unmasked members of his crew, a man and a woman. He introduces himself in the way of the Water Tribe (I am Zuko, son of Ursa—no father, only his mother's name when it should have come last), and asks for permission to stay in their lands as his ship is repaired. Away from the village, where their presence wouldn't be a burden or a threat, and they could be easily forgotten or watched.

Katara is the only person to look him directly in the eye and, when she goes to where his ship is docked late at night and threatens to end his life if he so much as lights a fire in the direction of the village, he doesn't dismiss her fury or her capabilities. He smiles instead, eyes old and tired. I can end you, right here, right now, she says. I know, he answers. I know.

Days pass, Aang has been making himself scarce and the Prince has kept to his word. He doesn't ask for anything, he isn't seen unless someone from the village goes to stand watch, and he looks at her with something akin to respect.

Then, a few days after his arrival, Zuko asks for an audience with the village's mathriach and her family. He isn't surprised when Katara is there, and he addresses her directly, as if her opinion is something to value.

He hasn't been entirely honest, he says, with the countenance of someone about to play it all in a move that could earn him either victory or defeat. His ship needed repairs and he was closer to their shores than Earth Kingdom land, this is true. But it was so because the person he was chasing after had damaged his ship and, according to maps and calculations and sheer dumb luck, the only place they could have run to was here, in the Southern Water Tribe.

But why would he chase someone like that?

To return home. To earn back the rights to challenge his father for the throne, and end the war.

Why do such a thing?

For his mother. For his sister and uncle. For the world.

Why tell them this?

Because they had a right to know, since the person he was after was right here, right now.

Who?

The Avatar.

Who?

The airbender.

(Later, after Aang abandoned them again, Katara approached the Prince and offered herself to him. She knew the Avatar, she said. She was a waterbender and could help them in the seas. She was the Sea Wolf's daughter, and could ensure an alliance. She needed a way out. He accepted.)

[samgirl98]

Forgotten Demon Twin 10/?

Prev | Next

Well, here it is. Sorry for the long wait.

“What do you want, fruit loop?”

Danny got in a defensive posture, sure Vlad would try to attack him one way or another.

Vlad raised his hands, “I just want to talk, little badger. Especially since new secrets have come to light. I want to ensure certain ones stay in the dark from your moth—parents. We wouldn’t want them to find out how much of a killer son they had brought into their home, now would we?”

Danny scowled. He knew his eyes were glowing when Vlad started smirking.

“How dare you threaten me, Plasmius?” Danny said in a low voice. The room got colder. “I am the Crowned Prince of the Infinite Realms; I will be your King. The only reason you’re not fully dead right now is because I’ve been holding back. Don’t test me.”

“You adorable, Danyal,” Danny gritted his teeth at the way Vlad sneered his real name, “but let’s think about this logically, shall we? Your parents just found out their adopted son was sent to spy on them by a cult interested in their research. Fine, that’s one thing; they can forgive that. You’re still their precious baby boy.”

“Now, imagine you add on top of that. You tell them you’re Phantom, the ghost boy menace of Amity Park. Not only that, but you’re the Crowned Prince of the Ghost Zone, the future king of the very species they sought to experiment with and exterminate. Do you believe they can take the pressure and the angst? Will they forgive you?”

“And let’s say they do accept you for being Phantom? What will they do when they find out their son wasn’t just a part of a cult but an assassin? Will they see you as a monster for taking lives and being Phantom? Have you thought about that?”

“You just don’t want mom to find out you’re the Wisconsin ghost,” Danny accused even as a small voice at the back of his head whispered at him.

“Believe what you will, little badger. Believe what you will,” with those last words, Vlad disappeared.

Danny collapsed. Now, what should he do?

____

Bruce picked up the phone.

“This is Bruce Wayne.”

“Hello, Mr. Wayne, it’s Maddie Fenton.”

“Mrs. Fenton, how nice to hear from you again.”

“Put it on speaker,” Tim mouthed.

All of his children stopped what they were doing and paid attention. Bruce almost left the room but knew that would make them more curious and force them to find destructive ways to eavesdrop. With a silent sigh, he did what Tim told him to do while giving them.

“How may I help you, Mrs. Fenton?”

“Danny has agreed to a DNA test. When do you want to do it?”

His children perked up at the new information.

“As soon as possible,” he answered. He wanted to be a part of Danny’s life and wanted written proof Danny was his. “I have ways to do a discreet DNA so the media won’t catch wind of it.”

“Hm, that’s fine. How does tomorrow work for you, Mr. Wayne?”

“Tomorrow’s fine. I’ll pick you up—”

“No need,” Mrs. Fenton interrupted, “Tell us where we have to be, and we’ll meet you there.”

Her voice was neutral, if a bit off-putting. Bruce gave the name and address of the hotel where he was staying. While Bruce would’ve loved to have used the Batcomputer to do the test, he knew he couldn’t explain it to the Fentons. Instead, he got a trusted company that would keep the secret to do it and were on standby.

They would come to the hotel, take a sample and have it back to him in 72 hours.

“We’ll be there at 9 o’clock. Oh, and Mr. Wayne?”

“Yes?”

“It doesn’t matter what that test says. Danny is a Fenton. He’s our son. Ours. We’ve raised him; we’ve been his parents for the past eight years. So, if you try to take him from us, you will have a fight. Your money doesn’t scare us. We will do anything for Danny. Anything.”

“Mrs. Fenton, I would never want to take Danny away from the people he loves. I want to know if he’s my son and how I can help him. If that means he stays with you, well, that’s his decision.”

“Hmph,” she huffed, “We’ll meet tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

“That went well,” Tim said.

“She feels I’ll take away her son. It’s only natural for a parent to want to defend their child,” Bruce said.

He may not show it most of the time, but he would protect his children with his dying breath, and if anyone tried to take them away from him, well, he would move Earth and Hell to get them back. He could blame the Fentons for wanting to protect their son from him. If anything, it made Bruce feel better that his son had found such loving parents.

“Now, where were we with these Anti-Ecto laws?”

He would protect his son however he could.

____

Two boys ran in the park with a dog chasing after them.

Damian watched them and felt envious. He could’ve had that with Danyal if he had looked for his brother after he went with his father. Instead, he had removed his brother so far from his mind that Damian had completely forgotten him. Even when he started getting along with his adopted siblings, Danyal never entered his thoughts.

Respawn suddenly came to his mind.

He still remembered his joy when he found out he had a blood brother, not an adopted one. Danyal still hadn’t crossed his mind. There was so much joy for a half-brother who wanted to kill him when his twin had been left alone and forgotten.

The two boys began wrestling with each other, giggling the whole time.

Would Damian and Danyal have had a normal sibling relationship if Damian had brought him home to father sooner?

“What’s on your mind, baby bat?”

“Tt, nothing, Richard.”

“He’ll come around if you show him you want him in your life.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

Richard shrugged, “Then we leave him to be and protect him from afar.”

Damian frowned. He didn’t like Richard’s solution. He wanted his brother to come with them so he could mend the relationship. So he could show Danyal how much he’s changed. He didn’t need a fake family; he had father and the rest of their siblings.

Damian was about to say so when an explosion rocked through Amity. Richard got up quickly and looked toward the direction of the explosion.

Green, Lazarus green plumes (always that accursed color) rose into the sky.

Damian didn’t think; he ran toward it. He knew his brother would be there and was determined to help.

“Damian, wait!”

With a slight twinge of guilt, Damian ignored his older brother. He couldn’t afford to wait. He had a brother to help.

It's been a few busy months for me. First, depression hit me like a wrecking ball. Then, we moved, and I started a new job, and the next thing I knew, it was May.

I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Thanks for reading

@itsberrydreemurstuff @youracearocroatneighbour @imsotiredfanficlovertm @nek0mancer @bianca-hooks123 @browsing33 @moonshell25

[the-brash-spud]

Marvel's looks

So you know how it is at least an older canon established that Billy as Marvel looks like his dad or at least what he remembers his dad to look like? I personally lean into a second option of how he remembers his dad because it makes it more interesting plus it helps with the whole awkwardness of him looking like a semi-random or completely random (depends what canon you're going for) dead dude.

So here's the differences I see Billy as Captain having compared to his dad or things that come from his dad's little quirks!

Height: Billy remembers his dad as being massive because he himself was a tiny baby boy. So yeah. Marvel isn't a walking 6'4" feet tall dude because that's his "peak" or whatever but that's how tall comparatively Billy's dad looked like to him at when he was like 4 vs 8 years old.

Build: CC was the strongest man Billy has ever known. He could lift all of them: his mom, his sister and him; proudly proclaiming he is holding his entire universe in his arms. So naturally he was super strong which called for super muscles! So that's why Marvel is build like a tank while CC most likely had a healthy amount muscles from excavating and such but nowhere as much as Marvel and unlike Marvel would've also had a solid amount of extra squish too (we stand dad bods, lmao).

Cleanliness: You know how a decent amount of people have Marvel have a neat self-cleaning option that just comes with the magic form? I personally like the perpetually perfect hairstyle from one of the fanfics I read that joked about it. Even if this might not be something I'll always use to it's maximum extend. Either way. I like to think that the cleanliness of Captain Marvel comes from the fact that CC liked to be overall clean and put together when seeing people or generally outside around the public and generally portray himself as professional: as in wearing full business in casual business because he likes the feeling wearing a suit gives him (Yeah, I see CC to be a weirdo actually enjoying suits and his wife finds it to be an extremely adorable quirk she loves because they both get to be the dressed to the nines couple!)

Face: OK so this one is going to have a bit of sub bits here because I gave CC glasses. I know when he is shown he usually doesn't have them but I have a reason for it and I'll get to it:

4.1. Nose: The shape is different from CC's simply because glasses hide a decent portion of the nose bridge depending on what sort of glasses you get. But generally the bridge would be a bit larger for Marvel.

4.2. Eyes: So you know how in older depictions of Marvel he always squints? You know when people also squint? When they're trying to see better! So yeah for me Marvel has a perpetual squint because he doesn't wear glasses unlike his dad. Who, whenever he took them off, also squinted to see (sometimes exaggerating it to make his kids laugh). So Marvel's form subconsciously squints since there's no glasses on his nose. lol.

4.3. Also eyes: Additionally since CC wears glasses and squints when he takes them off, his vision has to be decently bad. You know what happens when you wear strong glasses? They warp your face. So additionally Marvel has smaller eyes then CC would've had. :P

So yeah that's all I have for now but might edit it if I ever come up with more things like that. If you like the concept feel free to either use it or add to it. This is all a complete fanon. It's for complete funnsies. But I would still like to hear what you think about it!

[itssuppertim3]

Random Paladin Danse HC's That Make Me Smile

not that any of my minions know this, but i’m back into fallout and Paladin Danse’ ass is grass which only means one thing

fuckin

HEADCANONS

let the brain rot commence.

——————————

He obviously loves that education, and is always, ALWAYS, searching for an excuse to learn more about dead America. And who better to learn from than a relic of the past? You! On the other hand, my Sole was never a vault dweller, so she knows next to nothing about those broken gizmos other than what scrap they'll produce. So in one scenario you have big bulk man exhausting you with curiosity, and in another he's literally brimming with information to teach you. Both work well in my opinion.

Literal big brother energy. That kind of changes if or when you admit to him that his ass is literally bigger than a star, but throughout your time serving with him it's very clear that he works well with a sibling-like relationship. You may see him as an older brother, or maybe you just hate him. I dunno man. But all-in-all, he's always the first one there. Always at your side ready to defend you from whatever your postapocalyptic world launches at you. He's almost as loyal as Dogmeat. Almost.

This man stands CLOSE. Sometimes he doesn't even realize it; he just feels at ease being near you (especially if you don't use power armor). He's real caught on that savior mentality. Somehow he's only convinced that you're safe if he's just feet from where you're standing. And don't get me started on firefights. This big booty military man will jump in front of you with no shits to give. You even land a couple shots on him by accident, but that's alright. He doesn't really feel it. He really should prioritize his own safety sometimes.

He never drinks if he can help it, but that's only because alcohol makes him giggly. He'll relax with a couple beers, but anything past that is dangerous for him. He simply doesn't like the embarrassment of completely switching personalities in front of his subordinates. Even you, believe it or not. He likes things "clean, by the book," blah blah. So many people are convinced that he lacks personality, but truthfully he just prefers to act tough. It makes him feel 10 ft tall.

He sleeps with a body pillow. 100% I will live by that statement. Think about it: he practically lives within a wall of steel and cushioned padding. He's more touch deprived than a goldfish. He probably can't recall the last time he genuinely felt a person, which isn't something he dislikes. There's moments when even a pat on the shoulder is too overwhelming for him. He wishes he enjoyed having that closeness with someone. There're many occasions where he longs for your arms to be encased around him or vice versa. He wants to love, but he doesn't exactly know how. So instead of touching you, he spams you with uplifting compliments and hugs his pillow in Dansey bliss.

He complains about rain and bodies of water enough to convince everyone he hates it, but what's interesting is when he's in your company. Walking around like a transformer all the time, he's always prepared for stormy weather. You however... ehhh. He doesn't like it when you get drenched (😫) so he'll immediately scan the surrounding area for shelter. If there is none, and depending on the direction of the wind, he'll situate himself to where you get wet (😫) to a minimum. He's like your personal hunky umbrella. Every once in a while, you grow confused over the fuss. You may enjoy rain, or at least tolerate it, but he still wouldn't give a damn. "It would be irresponsible of me, as your mentor, to allow you to catch a cold under these conditions." In other words, he's a big worrywart over your wellbeing. And he's more used to patching up battle wounds. A sickly fever? Not so much.

You'd think he would be better at knowing your whereabouts, but he definitely isn't. With his suit having so many blind spots and you being so low to the ground, he's constantly losing track of you; hence why he chooses to walk behind you. When you stop in Diamond City, you like to prank him a bit by slipping away and making him go in big brother panic mode. You've tried it in Goodneighbor once or twice, but it never works there. Once you're behind those walls, his eyes never leave you. Not once. He scolds you more harshly when you play games in that town.

He loves to feel useful, even with something mundane like reaching something up high for you or even hoisting you up through a broken ceiling or over a wall. He additionally likes to show off strength. He smashes through walls and doors like cardboard, and crushes just about anything under his gauntlets with ease. On the other hand, he loves it when you feel useful as well. Sure, he can count back dozens of times when he could've dislodged a safe door or tore the wires from a terminal to deactivate turrets, but instead he chose to step back and admire your handiwork. And when you succeed, he always boosts you with praise.

The only hack he uses to style his hair is mud, sweat, and grease. And it still looks flawless every damn time.

There's no way in hell he walks around with all that cake and authority and NOT have an aggressive fanbase on the Prydwen. That just ain't so. There's a whole line of women in their baldheaded glory begging for him to notice them, and the hilarious part is he never does. Heroic actions and deeds in honor of the Brotherhood are what yanks his immediate attention. He's also trained enough soldiers to tell the difference between talent, potential, and kissing up. He hates those sorts most of all.

Keep in mind what I said about his awkwardness with physical touch, because when he's actually starting out in a relationship, it is so over for him. At first he almost wishes you'd remain friends just so you wouldn't give him heart murmurs every 5 fucking minutes. He also grows more protective over you than ever before, but that isn't surprising. Give him a few weeks to settle into this new territory and he'll gradually adapt. You do your best to go at his pace, so instead of downright kissing him you peck him sweetly on the cheek. The more you do it the more he realizes just how much he adores it. Even now he still has a hard time expressing his feelings, so you have to study close for any cues he may give you. Somehow if you're just not skilled at reading him, he'll eventually get persistent enough to lean towards your level and sit jagged and redfaced for a while until you deliver.

It's funny to watch him try and squeeze into an elevator. He'll go the extra mile to search for an intact flight of stairs just so he won't look like a Jack in the Box. Watching him squeeze back out is even sillier. He has to position his shoulders and knees just right so that his pauldrons or helm won't get caught in the narrow doorframe. It mostly works, though only because of all the trial and error he's had to endure.

----------------

alright folks it's 3am which means i have very pressing matters to attend to like sleeping

[usedtobeguest123]

My grandma passed away this last week. She was the matriarch of my family, raising a brood of boys on her own in a new country, and the life I have now I owe to her dedication and sacrifice. She is part of why the character of Abuela resonates so strongly with me, not because of their similarities in character, but because of how meaningful it was to see a story like hers represented in a beautiful, celebrated way in mainstream media.

I'll miss her dearly.

I was going through my unused writing snippets and I found this old one I had started for Encantober "Grief" and never finished. I polished it up a bit and offer it up now in my Abuela's honor. It's inspired by this Twitter-posted poem that resonated with so many people. While I know that there's so much more to the everlasting life after this one, this poem speaks such beauty and childlike peace into that transition, and I adore it for that.

Also, for some reason, I always thought that when the time came for Abuela to pass on, Camilo in particular would have a hard time letting go. Let it in, let it out, let it rain, let it snow, let it go, and all that. He seemed a fitting recipient for this, and also someone likely to ask an uncomfortable question.

Love you Grandma; God bless you and keep you. I can't wait to see you in again in paradise ❤️

------

It had been happening all. freaking. day.

He’d turn the corner, see a cup or a flower or a damn leaf that somehow reminded him and poof, he’d be someone else. Papi. Dolores. Luisa—a mess of people in quick succession. Thank God he’d managed to keep from changing into her. He didn’t think he could deal with that. Ay, he didn’t think any of them could.

No one blamed him though. When Mirabel witnessed one of his involuntary shifts on his way to the kitchen that morning, she’d just looked at him with that sappy, stupid face she was always making and gave him a hug that maybe did help him feel a little better.

Papi had clapped him hard on the back, keeping a steadying hand on his shoulder as he shifted back down into his own skin. He'd nodded solemnly, giving him a gentle, encouraging lift under the chin.

Tía Julieta just gave him an extra helping at lunch, teary-eyed yet smiling warmly as always.

But it still sucked.

Dios why couldn’t he just get a grip? He felt so jumpy. Everything set him off. He snapped at Antonio when one of his coatis left cacas outside his room again. Even as he spoke he’d known his voice was a too harsh for the situation. He snapped Isabela, and for once she didn’t snap back. She just sent a tiny bloom of flowers settling into his shirt pocket, their stems only a little spikey. He even snapped at Casita when they both knew he'd just tripped on his own two feet.

But he made sure he was on his absolute best behavior around Mami. You want to talk about jumpy? He had nothing on her. Poor Ma.

He managed to hold it together through the rosary, and the next day at mass too, by some miracle. The ceremony was harder, but he pulled through. But then came the reception. Everyone was talking to him and hugging him and offering condolences and ay how many times can you say thank you, I know she's at peace with just the right sad smile before the words start to lose all meaning? Thank you thank you thankyouthankyo—

So. Phwooo. Here he was now, sneaking out of the reception to the back porch of Casita when no one was looking, just to try to fill his stale lungs with a little more air.

After he shut the door quietly behind him, giving a small pat to the wall in thanks to his accomplice Casita, he turned and was surprised to find he in fact was not alone. There, on the small step that led out to the back patio, was Tío Bruno, a rat of course sitting on his shoulder. Eck. Camilo felt a little shiver go down his back.

He considered turning around to find his own private place to brood, but something stopped him. After a moment, and a small nudge from the tiles beneath his feet, he quietly approached instead.

“Hey,” he said lamely.

“Oh!” Bruno startled, flailing comically, but recovered quickly. “Oh, h-hey there Milo.”

Guess I'm not the only one who’s jumpy.

“Do you mind if I…?” he gestured at the empty spot on the stairs next to his tío.

Bruno nodded rapidly, flapping at the spot with his hands and scooting over a minute amount that made absolutely no difference in available space. Camilo sat.

For a while, they didn’t say anything. The rat had disappeared from Tío Bruno’s shoulder to God knows where. They watched the leaves sway on the large gnarled tree that stood proudly behind Casita.

Man, how old was that thing? It had been there as long as he could remember. At some point, a planter had been built around it where Isabela grew a perpetual explosion of flowers, and a swing hung from one of its thicker branches, but he'd seen pictures of when the back porch had let out to just a field and a tree. Camilo found himself wondering if that old thing had always been there, or if it had come with their Miracle.

It looked ancient. The trunk was at least as wide as four humans, twisting and turning up toward the sky at a slight angle before giving way to countless branches, those branches breaking off on their own as well in seemingly infinite chaos. The canopy splayed out above the courtyard in a protective, verdant umbrella so lush that even in the rain, the area underneath often stayed dry. Down below, the roots wove in and out of the soil like great serpents surfacing for air, defying the boundaries of the neat planter and forever upending the level neatness of the patio.

Camilo couldn’t imagine it not being there. He just couldn’t imagine a world without its constant, unshakeable presence. Something heavy and gripping suddenly settled into his chest, and he swallowed hard.

After a moment, his traitorous mouth opened without being told to and he whispered out question so quietly he wasn't sure if Bruno would even hear him.

“What do you think it’s like?”

“Huh?”

“...dying.” Camilo swallowed again, but didn’t look at his uncle. “What do you think it’s like.”

“Oh.” Bruno’s voice was soft. To Camilo’s surprise, he didn’t fidget or squirm like usual. Instead, he seemed to sort of wilt. Camilo glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. He'd leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. He stared up toward the big tree too, but he didn’t seem to be really looking at anything.

It was quiet for so long, that Camilo considered cracking some kind of joke to cover his tracks.

What are you thinking anyway, tonto? he thought. Guy just lost his mom. You gonna drop a rock like that on him? He really did need to get a grip. He needed to break the tension, ease the mood.

“Well, it must not have been that bad if Abuela allowed it to happen,” he joked, his voice light, wry, and guarding. “I think even La Muerte herself would have layed off if Abuela had given her that one stern look she had, ya know?"

Camilo chuckled, but Bruno didn't laugh. He didn't respond at all. He was still looking at the tree with a distant expression. Camilo narrowed his eyes at him—it didn't even seem like he'd heard a thing.

“...Tío?”

At that, Bruno dropped his eyes down to look at his hands, woven together loosely between his bent knees. He tipped his palms up slightly as if he was looking for something there. He took a slow breath, and then he began to speak.

“When I was a kid,” he said, “a-a real little kid, we had this big party at Casita. You know how it goes. House full of people, everything is busy and bright and loud. I don't remember what it was for anymore, b-but the whole time I just was torn between wanting to not miss a minute of it all, but, but, but also trying to be on my best behavior, like I knew Ma would want, a-and also also trying look out for my sisters, who were doing fine by the way, definitely didn't need me looking out for them but—well, anyway.”

Bruno cleared his throat, and Camilo watched him curiously. He nodded for him to continue, and Bruno nodded back.

“A-anyway, I didn't make it through the whole night. I got tired, like kids do, a-and fell asleep in some corner of the courtyard, heh. Passed right out. And Ma—y-your abuela, she found me and picked me up.”

Bruno looked up then, turning to look at Camilo with a sad, crooked smile and an odd brightness in his eyes.

“She carried me upstairs to my room. I could still hear the party—laughter and singing and music and joy—just in the next room over, but in my room with Mamá it was all still and quiet and peaceful. When she tucked me in, she kissed my cheek, and she whispered, ‘You did well, mijo. You did well. I've got you now.’”

Bruno swallowed. “It…it all just felt so…so…safe,” he shrugged. “Like…relief, I guess. Contentment. Idaknow. I think….maybe, um, maybe dying is… something like that.”

The tight feeling was back in Camilo's chest, and he felt a tear streak down his face before he was even aware it was there. He blinked. Bruno looked down at his empty hands again. The air around them had grown cool, the sun now set. The sound of crickets hummed, and the gentle murmurs from the reception wafted out from the warmly lit windows of Casita. Camilo sniffed loudly.

“That doesn't sound so bad,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. Bruno nodded with a broken chuckle, and brought a sleeve up to wipe roughly at his own face.

“Yeah. It doesn't.”

Then, without warning, Camilo’s shoulders quaked, his breath hitching and more tears suddenly appearing as all the pent-up pressure of the day rose to the surface and broke free. He choked out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cry. Bruno put an arm around him.

The wind blew gently through the branches of the tree, ruffling the leaves in a hushed lullaby. The ropes of the swing creaked sweetly along with it. And there on the porch, settled between the warm murmurs of the reception behind them and the cool peace of the star-filled night, after his breathing had slowed and his tears had been wiped dry, Camilo thought that maybe he could finally feel within him a measure of stillness.

[melonmilkshake]

Satoru Tsukada x bimbo!reader headcannons ♡

(Written for both beta! Satoru & regular Satoru)

Fluff / smut / angst

Headcannons

She / her | Fem

TW: certain sexual headcannons and mental health headcannons

NOT PROOF READ BTW

Headcannons for both beta and regular satoru

Satoru Tsukada:

The first time Satoru saw you he was utterly confused. Where was Randal and why was this girl here? He thought to himself while quietly watching you walk down the hall.

He inspected you even more and I say that quite literally as he has never seen someone so pretty but so... dumb. Though he couldn't tell if it was just a act or if you were actually stupid.

Even then though he grew on you and found you adorable and sweet soon enough committing to a relationship with you.

___

Usually Satoru is the type to be very protective towards you. He will not let a single person lay a finger on you (unless its Randal) in any situation and I mean why would he? You're his after all and no one is going to touch his precious doll. If someone were to flirt with you he would most likely snap there wrists or skin them alive and making a suit out of there skin.

Whenever you go shopping he is always the one buying things for you. He will not give you even the chance to take your wallet out. He will spoil the hell out of you quite literally.

Oh you want a new plushie? Got it, you want a expensive figure collection? Got it, you want a vibrator? Got it, you want clothes? Got it. He doesn't really care how much you spend and will literally carry your bags of things he bought for you.

He treats you like a princess. Always kissing you and giving you compliments. He wants to make sure you're loved all the time and doing PDA just so everyone knows you're his.

He loves letting you sit on his lap since he can hold you tightly and not let you escape if he says something disturbing and insane that makes you uncomfortable.

He loves hearing you ramble about random things no matter how stupid it sounds. If you were to ever need help with school he would be there for you even if you're completely oblivious to what you're doing.

NSFW

If anyone were to bully you about your intelligence he would lose his shit. Expect the person insulting you to have a few stitches on the top of there head and forehead.

TW MENTAL HEALTH

Doesn't realize it at first but you aren't interested in seeing him harm himself everytine you do you try taking the box cutter away from him in a panic.

He always thought you did since Randal liked it but at the same time Randal and you are two different people.

He tries to make you cut him but instead you lecture him and cuddle him which is equally good in his eyes.

He'll try to act like the cuts are fake because you're so dumb but it's obvious they aren't.

"Stop it are you insane!?" A small yelp came out of your mouth while you fought for the blade in his hand. Instead you both tripped and you feel on Satoru. Your breasts pushed against his chest revealing some of your cleavage. "Y/N don't be so dramatic darling its fun~" he whispered playing with your hair.

If you both were assigned to sit close to each other in the back expect him to be fingering you or at least playing playing with your pussy with a smug grin.

He makes you put a vibrator in yourself which he can control with a remote. He likes seeing you struggle in class sexually. You holding in your moans and trying to do your work is one of the things that amuses him through out the day.

If you both are in the gym sometimes he will drag you into the male locker rooms for a quickie.

"Satoru were gonna get caught." You muttered while he aligned his cock with your pussy. Gently rubbing up the against your folds. "As long as you keep your mouth shut then will be fine."

He degrades you a lot calling you things such as a stupid bitch or a dumb slut.

Also he does threesomes with you and Randal a lot. They like to see you try to put both of there cocks in your mouth at the same time but you always struggle and fail.

And if you have big boobs PLEASE TITTY FUCK THIS MAN. He loves titty fucking when it comes to your boobs. He just finds you so pretty while you do it.

Beta! Satoru Tsukada:

The first time he heard of you was from Randal, Randal would talk about you so much saying how pretty you were and how dumb and cute you would be. Satoru found it annoying as it was one of Randal's usually rants about you but when Randal introduced you to him, he feel head over heels.

You were a nervous reck when you saw him because you thought he was so handsome. You were hoping you didn't mess up your words but of course you did.

After a few weeks of knowing you and interacting with you, he started getting flirty, teasing you for your intelligence and personality, and getting touchy.

Soon enough you were in a relationship with him.

___

He loves being a smart ass towards you. Seeing you get all riled up from a stupid insult is so cute to him. Though if someone was bullying you for your intelligence he would not be happy, it depends it there would be violence mostly likely not but if that person tried something Satoru would fuck them up. (In my eyes he most likely knows martial arts)

Again with the princess treatment this boy is literally your knight in shining armor. He will buy you everything and make you whatever meal you like (mostly because he is scared of you leaving him even though you would never.)

If you ever get tired of walking or your legs start to work he will pick you up bridal style or gives you a piggyback ride until you reach your destination.

He loves it when you're sitting on his lap and he is playing video games. It does get boring though just watching him while you did nothing so sometimes you'd bitch about it.

"Satoruuuu, can we please do something im so bored." You sighed and leaned in closer into him. "Just a few more minutes y/n then we can play with your stupid barbie toys." he spoke while still playing the game not daring to look down at you so he wouldn't lose. "Hey I don't play with barbies you jerk!"

He'll rest his head on your ass or on your thighs. Those are literally the most perfect pillows for him.

He loves seeing you beg for things or being needy. Its just so cute to him and it makes him wanna kiss you all over.

Loves to slap your ass in public to make you flustered and pout at him.

He gets really annoyed when Randal flirts with you and tries to touch you. He literally bonks him on the head with his fist so he leaves you alone.

___

TW MENTAL HEALTH

He is so clingy for you despite him slightly lecturing you and being annoyed sometimes you're his whole world.

He would be scared if another boy was flirting with you and would tell them to leave you alone and when you both are by yourselves he would lecture you about it letting all his frustration out.

You would be teary eyed in the end or even crying but he just wants you to understand how he feels.

You gotta comfort him a lot and clean his wounds though you didn't really know what to do so sometimes you'd panic and cry.

"M'sorry Satoru! I d-don't know what to do I-I" you were panicking trying to figure something out. Your mind was racing as you saw the blood gush out of his arm.

"Its okay its okay. Just calm down doll." He tried to calm you down but you were in such big distress. "Fuck." He muttered he quickly walked away from you and cleaned his wound himself.

When he was done he went back to you and saw you on the floor crawled up in a ball in tears. "Don't worry everything is okay come here."

Cuddles with you the whole night after scaring you so badly from him harming himself.

NSFW

Back to the sitting on his lap thing, sometimes if he is ever playing games he makes you cockwarm him though after a few minutes he gives up and makes you ride him.

Loves it when you give him blow jobs under his desk. He'll just be playing his game with his boxers on when suddenly they get pulled down and a pair of lips sloppily kiss his dick.

Any chance he gets he'll suck on your nipples. Even though he is more of a ass guy what can he say when he sees your big breasts? His tongue flicks and swirls around the hardened nub until he feels you're at your breaking point.

He degrades you so much during sex its so bad that he makes you cry.

"Who's my dumb princess? Is it you, you stupid bitch?" He growled in your ear. You were sobbing at that moment in time while he brutally assaulted your pussy with his cock. "Speak up." He groaned against your ear. "Yes.."

[yannig]

One of us has to make it

Okay so @kimkhimhant

I said I had Neil thoughts to share so here is the one I can’t get out of my head right now.

When Neil decides to stay, his reasoning is “One of us has to make it”. Kevin and him can’t both loose to the mafia, and if someone wins it’s clearly not gonna be Neil, so it might as well be Kevin, and he can’t leave until he knows Kevin will be okay.

"One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it. Maybe he'd get through this somehow, riding his talent and Andrew's psychotic obsession and Wymack's fierce protection. Maybe he'd get through this season on the Foxes' roster and be safe. He'd recover and he'd be free. Neil couldn't leave until he knew Kevin would be okay. He didn't want to find out from half the world away.

So Neil decides to stay, decides that making sure Kevin gets out is worth putting himself at risk of being found by the mafia he’s been fleeing for the last 8 years. Because one of them has to make it.

And I think that this logic is actually what fuels a lot of the characters in Aftg, and helps understand a lot of what happens afterwards.

A number of characters are trying to protect everyone else from their own worst nightmare.

Because someone has to make it, and if it won’t be themselves, might as well save someone else.

They all have this one thing that almost killed them, either because they couldn’t protect themselves from it, or because they couldn’t have it.

Neil's thing here is of course the mafia, and protecting others from it even though he was running from them for 8 years is what is going to fuel him later, when he agree to go to the Nest to protect Andrew, and when he follows his father’s men in Baltimore to protect the Foxes.

Andrew is pretty much the same, except his thing is bodily autonomy. He might not be able to protect himself against his rapists or abusers, past or present, but nobody will touch anyone under his care. That’s him killing Tilda for Aaron, his deals with everyone (Neil, Kevin, Aaron), protecting Nicky at the bar, getting himself in juvie so Drake won’t get anywhere near Aaron.

Kevin is a bit more complicated because his worst nightmare is loosing his reason to live (aka Exy), so he’s trying to give other people a reason to live. That’s his deal with Andrew (finding him a reason to live), and that’s why he picks Neil in the first place, because he sees him and understand that Exy is the only thing he has left (“You play like you have everything to lose.”)

Nicky’s thing is family, both as the thing he couldn’t protect himself from (his family hating him) and the thing he couldn’t have (a loving family). So he’s both trying to protect Andrew and Aaron from his own shitty family, and trying to give them a good one. That’s why he flies back from Germany when Tilda dies, and that’s why he stays when the twins get into Uni (they are 18 now, they’re independent, he could leave, except Andrew negotiates a scholarship for him, and he couldn’t be asking Nicky to stay any louder), because they might not need protection anymore but they still need love.

I’m not too sure what to make of Aaron. He might be about solitude/abandonment issues, since his deal his to stay at Andrew’s side. Also everything about his mother, from her abandoning both her twins but only coming back Aaron, to Andrew killing her. So he might have something going on about not living Andrew alone ever again, because Aaron knows how much solitude and abandonment can hurt. In which case him killing Drake is even more significant because it’s of course it’s him killing Andrew’s abuser the way Andrew killed Tilda, but it’s also him showing up and not letting Andrew go through this trauma alone the way he did before.

I’m not too sure about the rest of the Foxes, but a few trow-away ideas:

Renee is about getting out of her gang, which she might be doing when getting Jean out of Evermore

Wymack is about second (and nth) chances. He either got a second chance that saved him, or he never did and it almost killed him. Hence the Foxes.

Idk yet about the others, will have to re-read the books with this analysis in mind.

Hypothesis: while the Monsters are still facing their worst nightmares, the Upperclassmen have mostly overcome them already. So for them it might be more a “becoming the person you needed when no one came” case.

Anyway my point isn’t just to point out these parallels, it’s also what they bring to the analysis of how the Foxes behave.

I believe Neil has kinda picked up on this trend. Not fully, not really consciously, but he his the one to put it into words first. And Andrew isn’t exactly subtle about his own version of it.

Problem is: both of them are being incredibly self-sacrificing about it, and it’s a very bad standard to use to judge other characters, which I believe both Neil and part of the fandom is doing.

I think it’s partly why he calls Kevin a coward that much. Because he thinks his worst nightmare is Riko, and that he’s running away from him instead of facing him. Which he would be perfectly justified to do, but it’s not true. Riko is awful, of course he is, and Kevin is terrified of him, of course he is; but Kevin was ready to stay with him forever if that meant being able to play Exy. Kevin’s worst nightmare is loosing Exy, and he’s facing that everyday he’s back on the court trying to relearn how to play, and every time he tries to get Andrew interested in Exy or to train Neil. He’s less self-sacrificing about it, so it’s a bit less obvious, but he’s still dealing with his worst fear everyday and trying to protect others from it. Considering the role the Foxes play as a team of a last-chance place, I'd argue even going to the Foxes as an assistant coach was a way to help others on top of trying to keep himself afloat.

Also explains why Neil sees Aaron as really selfish (I mean he is but). Assuming I’m right about Aaron, his version of this deal is both pretty discrete (especially when he’s being an asshole about it) and might be centered exclusively on Andrew. And also shows better self-preservation skills than Andrew and Neil (as in he isn’t trowing himself directly in front of people who want to kill him).

Might also explain why Nicky gets some level of respect from Neil for coming back for the twins (Neil acknowledges the sacrifice it was to leave Erik and his family) but definitely not as much as Andrew (because part of Nicky’s deal is also good for him, as in trying to be a family with the twins, instead of a pure sacrifice, as in leaving the family he found in Germany).

TL;DR: Not everyone is being self-sacrificing about it, but that doesn’t mean the Foxes aren’t trying to save others from their own worst nightmares. Some of them are just more subtle about it than others.

[aita-blorbos]

WIBTA if I stole my “real” counterpart’s life?

I (9F) come from a world that’s a mere reflection of the actual world. Everyone in it, including me, is a mirror of someone else. We’re born of the worst traits of people— all their flaws personified.

Because of this, my world isn’t very nice. Some people are alright, but most people are mean, sad, or both. This includes my parents.

They’re not actually my parents in that they’ve never been in love and didn’t choose to have me. They’re just reflections of the people who chose to have my real counterpart, and as such, they don’t have very much interest in me…

My mom is unhappy or angry most of the time. She doesn’t like interacting with people and closes herself off from everyone, including me. My dad is slightly better… he lets me help him out sometimes, but he’s always saying things that hurt my feelings and doesn’t listen to what I say. Apparently, he’s “just using me.”

Or at least… that’s what a friend told me. I met him one day, and he’s been telling me all about how the way I’m treated is unfair. This friend, who I’ll call D, is grumpy and cynical, but I still like him. He lets me follow him around even though he doesn’t really seem interested in getting to know me more than that.

Because of D, I also met another person, who I’ll call DM. DM is D’s father, I think, and he’s SUPER powerful! He’s one of the most feared people in our world. DM has been very nice to me, too, though, calling me special and saying I’m a smart kid. DM agreed that I deserve better than I have, and offered to help me out.

You see, DM knows very powerful magic, and he told me that if I could bring my real counterpart to him, then he’d use that magic to help me take her place. And if I were to do that, then I could live in the actual world! I’d be part of a happy family and have parents who love me… so I agreed right away! I was so excited.

It wasn’t too hard to find my counterpart, who I’ll call P. She actually snuck into our world and I bumped into her.

She seemed suspicious of me at first, but quickly warmed up, saying she thought we should be friends. Then, she dragged me to her world, and we spent some time playing together. She showed me the beautiful place where she lives and all the cool magic she can use. She even gave me my own name that wasn’t just “Mirror P,” saying that I should be treated like a baby sister instead of an evil clone. She’s honestly really confusing.

I like her, though, and it was nice playing together. At least… until P’s parents found out. When P tried to introduce me to them, they lost it. Her dad in particular was angry to see me. A- apparently a long time ago someone from my world hurt someone that was very important to him, and so he didn’t want me anywhere around P because he was sure I’d hurt her too. P’s mom tried to reason with him a little, but it didn’t work. He yelled at me, said I should just go back to my own world, and told me he never wanted to see me around P again.

…That really hurt. I guess he was right that I was going to hurt P, but I didn’t like being called a monster. It makes me wonder if there’s no version of my dad out there who could possibly love me.

Even though her dad yelled at me, though, P didn’t give up. She and I have been meeting in secret and playing together. Then, I go and report back to DM. DM says it’s good that I’m earning her trust, and soon I’ll be able to take her place.

But I… don’t know if I want to hurt P. She’s been so nice to me. If I take her place, then where will she go? Will she be stuck in my awful world, or will she disappear forever? That doesn’t seem fair…

I told DM that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this and that maybe there was another way. M… maybe if I made the right argument, then I could get P’s family to love me! And I could live with her! And be her baby sister for real!

…But that just made DM laugh at me. He said no-one from their world would ever like or accept someone like me.

I still wanted to try, though, and so I talked to P and said I wanted to leave my world for good and live with her. I… I told her that I’d be nice and that I wouldn’t cause any problems for anyone. I promised. And she told me she thought that would be wonderful, so we went to talk with her parents a second time, hoping maybe we could convince them.

We really, really tried. P talked all about how nice I’d been to her and how mean everyone was to me at home. I said that I’d try my hardest not to be a burden to anyone and that I wasn’t like the other people from my world. I begged them to just give me a chance and said I’d do everything I could to be a good daughter. I poured my heart out, and I really thought it would work. P did, too.

But it didn’t. P’s dad STILL didn’t accept me. He was upset P had even been sneaking out to see me at all. H- he told me that he didn’t want me around and that if I did anything to P he’d hurt me. He seemed really upset. He was crying and everything. He tried to be intimidating, but honestly I think he was scared of me?

…DM was right. No-one from their world could ever love a monster like me.

A- and so I’m going to go along with his plan. I’m going to find a place where I belong. P- um, actually has history with DM… or at least her family does. That’s why she was in my world in the first place— she was trying to get revenge on him. So I’m gonna tell her I know where DM is, lure her to him, and then he’ll cast his spell!

And then I’ll be the real one. I’ll have a place where I belong. I won’t be a bad kid anymore. I really, really want that. But I’m nervous, too. P’s one of the only people who’s ever been nice to me. I don’t want to hurt her, I just don’t think there’s any other way. I- uh, also don’t really know how this magic works or what it will do to me… I’m a little scared. I also don’t actually know what it is DM did to P’s family… m- maybe he’s not all that nice. If I don’t do this, though I’ll never be loved, and so I don’t have a choice.

WIBTA if I go through with helping DM with his plan?

[zzg0d]

Anything she wants.

A/N: HEY YALLL this took a lil long an im sorrryyyy!!! i haven’t made my rules yet so just don’t act like idiots or ill block you💋💋 this was my first time writing in a while and im a little rusty😩 tryna keep up with yall and the new trends in writing tho!! feedback is always appreciated so please don’t ever hesitate❤️💋.

WK; 1.1k

summary: your father forces you last minute to attend a meeting with him to get you out of the house and you meet a certain someone who wants to give the spoiled girl a try.

tw; nothing really, he calls you mama, he lowk a simp, flaunts his money too😒, daddy’s girl, spoiled yn, just be aware ig

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · • —– ٠ ✤ ٠

“Y/N please come down, it’s time to leave” your father yells up the stairs, and you rush to tie your heels up. Your father knew you took long to get ready so you don’t know why the hell he trying to rush you now when he only let you know of this event a few hours ago.

That was one of the things your father did that you didn’t like much and he was quick to apologize and get you a gift knowing you wanted to look your best in front of other people,he couldn’t tell his lovely daughter no. You were his pride and joy being the only girl out of 2 children. Your older brother long gone a few hours away with your lovely sister in law and your niece.(who you could argue is more spoiled than you)

So now you’re here in the blacked out car with your dad going to some random business party that you didn’t even wanna be at but at least you’ve got your card(your dads card) so you can sit and online shop while your father mingles with his partners.

You sit there scrolling on Amazon just adding things you think are cute to your cart, not even caring to look to into the details. Daddy will handle that, you think to yourself as you add a new vanity to the cart. You’re just scrolling through things when you hear someone mumbling in your ear

“You sure are a spoiled little girl aren’t you?” You look up startled to see a man that should be described as nothing BUT sexy. Tattoos adorning he lights lined body grillz and chains glistening short black hair and he was looking just SO good. But that was besides the point, why was he all up in ya phone?

“An you sure are nosey” you go back to scrolling on your phone now having had moved on to another store until you feel him sit next to you and you try to ignore him but you can feel his eyes grazing over your outfit, you’re about to speak up but he’s quick to interrupt.

“I’m Constance but you can call me Connie , and you are?” He’s not mumbling anymore and you’re pretty sure you hear a little accent but you’re not sure from what.

You look up at him from your phone and introduce yourself but that’s not enough for him, he wants to get to know you. You look pretty, smell good, and got an attitude. His favorite mix. You guys talk for a bit, mostly trying to get to know each other and flirting a bit till he asks a certain question.

“Let me take you out mama”

You actually let out a chuckle at that because there was no way In hell he wanted to fuck with you. You’re too expensive and hard to deal with, you know this for a fact because your brother makes sure to tell you every other day on the phone how you and his daughter make flies come out his wallet.

“You can’t handle me” you say smirking at him and his eyes darken and he’s quick to retort “I’m pretty sure I can handle a little girl like you.” And you scoff cause who tf he calling little?? Ain’t nun lil bout you. “Tuh show me then.” He hands you his phone and you put your number in but he looks confused and excite out and goes to show u other apps.

He goes from cash app, to a regular bank, to a bank you’ve never heard of and then still pulls a wad of cash out of his pocket. “I’m pretty sure I can handle you pretty.” And you can’t help but smile a little bit. “We’ll see Constance.” “I said you can call me connie”

“I know.” You chose to call him by his government because why not try to get under his skin? You look up to see your father coming towards you two and you sit up straight and smile “hey dad!” You start hoping and praying that he says it’s time to go home so you can plot.

“Hi baby girl, are you ready to go?” And you nod your head but go to introduce your father and Connie and they shake hands, you give Connie a side hug as you prepare to leave.

You and your father get to the car and you both slide into the back and he’s quick to start questioning you “so is he your boyfriend?” And you’re quick to say no. You only just met him an hour ago, he was NOT your boyfriend.

the rest of the ride was silent after your father basically played 21 questions. you just chill texting some of your friends and watching instagram reels til a text pops up on your phone.

you had to think for a second about that. did you want to lie and say you had plans or just tell him nothing? you take a second to decide and choose to tell the truth.

you just decide to leave him on read since your ride pulls up to your house. you and your father get out and he asks you what you want for dinner so he can order it and you tell him then quickly get upstairs.

you get to your room and open the door and are hit my a breeze. damn! you always leave that fan on to make sure you don’t get hit but it’s cold as a motherfucka in here.

you go to your closet and pick out some pijamas and go into your bathroom. you turn on the shower and wait for it to get hot and you step in.

you wash your body and just think. did you really wanna go on this date with connie? you know if you were to get hurt your father would handle the situation, so that wasn’t a worry.

you were worried about yourself, you didn’t want yourself to fall for him just cause he makes you feel nice and can give you butterflies. he could be just live everybody else.

but he might not be. it wouldn’t hurt to give him a chance and by now you already know what to look out for. so you turn off the shower and go out to your room.

you grab your shea butter and body oils, to lotion yourself and get dressed. as soon as you’re done, you decide to text connie back.

you can’t help but smirk to yourself in anticipation of what was to come tomorrow. you were gonna enjoy this

[icarusbetide]

Since you are a purveyor of odd Hamilton takes... Came across this in American Military Biography (1830) by Amos Blanchard:

I had assumed the "orphan Alex" narrative was there from the start (and maybe this is just a very badly researched book), but that made me wonder when that actually became the default version of the story.

(Also how can you be an orphan with a living parent anyway...?)

I love my curated collection of odd Hamilton takes...some of them are printed out on a dart board so I can skewer them to hell along with the corresponding historian's picture but the ones I agree with are 100% accurate and concrete facts.

And thank you so much for sharing, this is really interesting! My first thought was maybe Blanchard was aware of Ann Mitchell, Hamilton's cousin. She lived in America for several years, may have been his major benefactor, and he singled her out in his final letters, entreating Betsey to treat her well.

From a quick search it seems unlikely she accompanied him (Allan McLane Hamilton thought they never met in America), but perhaps the knowledge of a maternal figure helping Ham was public at the time, and the author rolled with "mother"? I stumbled on a paper from 1952, "Alexander Hamilton: The Fact and Fiction of His Early Years" by Larson that addresses the popular myth that Hamilton received help from two friendly aunts; apparently there was an aunt Ann Lytton who died before all of this, separate from the actual helper: Ann Lytton Venton Mitchell, Hamilton's cousin. Not sure how far back that mixup goes, but maybe this author heard about this mother who was actually an aunt who was actually a cousin through the grapevine. Christ.

This did get me thinking about how I've never dug into Rachel's death because it seems like such a concrete incident. There is the 1768 probate court transaction available on founders online for anyone looking for easy access but now I'm having a second hand existential crisis. Maybe Hamilton was actually chilling with his very alive mother who is so confused rn.

I also assumed the orphan narrative thing was present from the start. From what I know, the "lacks good parentage, native land, and money" aspect was always subtly present (which is in itself honestly misleading, he was very privileged. but it makes sense since he's beefing with the elite who can use that relative disparity against him). but maybe the "all alone in the world with nobody to help him" aspect was not.

I'm considering the various examples of people being shady, like Jefferson writing that Ham is a man who "from the moment at which history can stoop to notice him, is a tissue of machinations against the liberty of the country which has not only recieved and given him bread, but heaped it’s honors on his head". This was a letter to Washington of all people, so maybe this indicates that there was some general understanding of Hamilton's background as lacking that allowed him to say all this even in consideration of his frustrations. Newspapers alluded to it. In 1800: "And you might find yourselves equally mistaken, in supposing, that the mode of your descent from a dubious father, in an English island would be no bar in this country to the pretensions to the Presidency."

So clearly there's some aspect of the lowborn narrative peeking through, but I think it would make sense for people to believe & say that he came from questionable, middling backgrounds, but still not see him as an orphan. His childhood wasn't happy or stable by any means, but he still had some support from family and benefactors going for him in America. And he never let go of his deadbeat dad for all the good that did him so he probably didn't refer to himself as an orphan. He didn't even like people thinking of him as lower-class, ("I have better pretensions than most of those who in this Country plume themselves on Ancestry") so I'm sure he didn't embrace the Charles Dickens characterization.

I dunno, maybe it's later historians who dug into Ham's insecurities, feelings of isolation expressed in certain letters, and his elusive background to complete the orphan narrative.

If anything, I suppose this further shows just how far back ambiguities about Hamilton's origins go. Blanchard also claims that Hamilton was born on St. Croix, and apparently there's some modern speculation that he wasn't even born on Nevis. 1830 isn't too far off from Hamilton's death; what book/person did Blanchard consult, if he even did, for this info? I also know that Adams referred to Hamilton as the "Scottish Creolian of Nevis", so Adams must've heard from a different source that Ham wasn't originally from St. Croix. So confusing.

But anyways, thank you so much for sharing this with me - I'm so bad at finding old resources, and I would've never learned that some doofus wrote about Hamilton with - gasp - a nondead parental figure.

Hope you're having a great day! :)

[dark-elf-writes]

Hojo half-sibling au but cloud already been fucking gen before seph know he have a brother. Just for the lol.

It all started so simply — which, looking back at it, should have been Cloud’s first and largest red flag. Nothing in his life was ever anything other than complicated. He was “that Strife boy”, Nibelheim’s town bastard, almost an entire town’s dirty little secret.

(Not his mom’s though. Never his mom’s. She would always press a kiss to his crown of spikes that was so much like her own and tell him that he was her wonder. A gift from the gods themselves.)

But it all started so simply…

It started with a mandatory paternity test as a part of joining the SOLDIER program.

Getting to SOLDIER hadn’t been so simple. That had begun with an unlikely friendship between Zack Fair and some poor trooper with unfortunate amounts of motion sickness. Zack, upon hearing about Cloud’s dream to be in the program and his numerous failures at doing so, had thrown himself into helping Cloud train for the next exam.

“That’s what friends do, spikey!”

Hand to hand, sword work, physical conditioning, even materia… or, well, Zack had tried to teach Cloud Materia to… some success which had in turn led to the second complication.

Genesis had stumbled upon their training one day just in time to see Cloud blast Zack back with a spell that shouldn’t be able to do that yet again and had all but claimed Cloud as his own.

“Artificial materia has a different concentration of mako, dearest,” He had said, running the back of gloved fingers over Cloud’s cheek. “And your exposure to mako from living in a place so dense with it has changed you too. Try this instead.” He had slotted a new orb of materia, naturally formed and from his own collection no less, into Cloud’s borrowed bracer like he was sealing a wedding vow.

(And knowing Genesis as well as he did now, that was probably not far off the mark. The dramatic bastard had claimed to have fallen in love from the moment he first saw Cloud “knock the puppy on his ass even with those terribly mis matched materia”, and Genesis Rhapsodos was nothing if not determined when it came to getting what he wanted.

Still, Cloud couldn’t deny that it was nice to be wanted for once… just like he couldn’t deny that Genesis was a skilled teacher both on the mats and in his bedroom where he had Cloud seeing the goddess herself when he did that thing with his fingers.)

But a paternity test made sense, in a way. Cloud had said he never knew his father, and since he was now officially a SOLDIER third, he would start getting attention. Considering how much he looked like his mother, it wouldn’t be a leap to assume people might start coming out of the woodwork to make claims, and such a scandal would look bad for Shinra in the long run. It… probably also didn’t help that Cloud looked enough like Rufus and Lazard that rumors had already begun to spread of another Shirna bastard.

But the results had not been the simple answer.

Nor had they been the slightly more complicated one that, while annoying, would have made a strange sort of sense considering how he looked and proximity to the Shinra manor.

No, Cloud’s results were so complicated that the poor tech that had been running the tests had so so three times to be sure.

And then Cloud was angry. Angry that his mother had been left alone with no money to support her. Angry he had grown up hated by an entire village because some bastard couldn’t be bothered to stick around. Angry that the truth had been under his nose the whole time and he had never seen it.

He had snatched the results from the poor tech and stomped his way to the private lab in the center of the Science Department hardly noting the flustered scientists and techs trying to stop him through the red haze in his mind. The locked door didn’t stand a chance against the mastered fire materia Genesis had gifted him for making it through his training, melting straight through the lock so Cloud could kick the door inwards.

He didn’t notice the second person in the room as he hurled the file of results at a rather unimpressed face. Didn’t care.

“Nice to meet you, dad,” Cloud all but spit between clenched teeth.

Hojo didn’t do much as blink. If anything he shrugged. “Ah. The control group.”

Cloud didn’t remember trashing the lab. Didn’t remember the too familiar face at his side that helped him do it. He did however remember the aftermath with his head in his hands and the Silver General himself awkwardly patting his back as he had a complete mental breakdown.

“It’s what brothers are supposed to do… isn’t it?” Sephiroth had said like to made all the sense in the world. Like any of this made fucking sense.

Cloud Strife had gone from no father to one that saw him as an experiment in all of twenty minutes and now his childhood idol who was actually his half brother was trying to comfort him. It was too much. He needed a drink. He needed a fucking cigarette. He needed —

“Genesis,” He murmured, all but scrambling for his PHS to send off a message. If anyone could make it all make sense it was Gen, or at least, Gen would stand beside him as he burned the world to the ground. Either way, all Cloud wanted at that moment was something that made sense.

Unfortunately, that single word had made Sephiroth recognize exactly who Cloud was other than “some new recruit” or perhaps “Zack’s friend” and his green eyes narrowed as this hands that had been awkwardly patting him tightened possessively.

“You’re the trooper that is dating Genesis.” It wasn’t a question. Sephiroth didn’t wait for an answer. “Genesis slept with my brother.”

And then Cloud Strife’s life became very complicated all at once.

[bullet-prooflove]

For Better, For Worse: Vostanik Sabatino x Reader

Tagging: @thiashazzywriting @words-and-seeds @kmc1989

Mentions of 3+1: Sassy

It’s your sister Sassy that fucks everything up.

That and the hashtags #SabatinoWedding, #MrsVostanikSabatino #Mysisterswedding

Both you and Nik make a point of not being on social media. It’s too dangerous with your line of work, especially with Nik’s history in the CIA. Working with Nell and Eric has given you insight into how easy it can be to infiltrate people’s lives through those platforms and the both of you have fucked up a lot of shit for a lot of bad people.

Throughout the duration of your relationship, you have expressed the importance of this upon your sister. You’ve never told Sassy that Nik used to be CIA, as far as she’s concerned, he’s worked private security abroad for the few couple of years before he took a job with the US Mashall’s office.

Pictures of yourself are fine, you tell her, but none of us.

The issue is she’s a self-absorbed Valley Girl.

You don’t realise she’s completely ignored you until it becomes a problem.

The problem being you come home to find your house trashed and your husband beating the shit of out of a man whose broken in with the intention of murdering you both. Your gun is already in your hand when you see the second man coming for Nik with a combat knife in his hand. You don’t hesitate to pull the trigger. Three shots centre mass and the son of bitch collapses before he even lays a hand on your man.

Nik flinches at the sound, his head wheeling towards you as blood streams down the left side of his face from a cut in his hair line. There’s a bruise already blossoming along his jaw. You shove down the rage that courses through your body as you help him to subdue the one that’s still living.

“They were waiting for me when I got home.” He tells you as he sits on the floor with his back against the wall, his elbows resting on his knees. He uses the back of his hand to wipe the blood from his forehead before it can drip into his eyes. “They moved like they were military."

You kneel down in front of him, a warm, damp cloth in your hand. You tip his chin up so that you can study his features and he closes his eyes as you gently clean away the crimson streaks that cover his skin.

“I don’t understand how this happened.” He murmurs, his voice a little raspy. You can see black bruising already forming across his throat, evidence of a chokehold. “We’re both so careful.”

“We’ll figure it out.” You say softly, your fingertips ghosting across his cheek. “I promise you we will.”

***

There’s silence in the Ops Centre as the two of you stand before the huge wall length screen, reviewing your sister’s Instagram account: SuddenlySassy. You’ve never laid eyes on it before; you’ve never needed to. What you’re seeing right now fills you with a sense of fury because Sassy did not listen to a word you said.

Despite your request there’s pictures of both you and Nik from the wedding all over her feed, the venue tagged. There’s even a video of your first dance to Vance Joy’s ‘Fire and the Flood’ posted up in her Reels for the entire world to see.

This is how they found you, you realise, through your sister’s social media.

When Deeks calls, he finds the venue was broken into earlier in the week, the only thing taken were the records pertaining to wedding billings, your address would have been in that documentation.

Beside you Nik clears his throat as he crosses his arms over his chest. You don’t even have to look at him to know that his jaw is clenched and his lips pursed together. He has a fraught relationship with Sassy at the best of times, he’s lost track of how much he’s had to bite his tongue because despite the fact he hates her, he respects you.

“My sister almost killed you.” You find yourself whispering as you lean back against the desk.

It horrifies you how close you’d come to losing the man you love because of your sister’s inability to actually do as she’s told.

Nik says nothing. He’s always known how selfish Sassy is, but she’s the only family you have left, and he knows how important she is to you. You ask Nell to delete the Instagram account, not just the posts about the two of you but the whole thing. It’s then he realises you’re finally at the end of your tether.

He loses track of you for a while after that, he’s chasing down the guys who hired the hit with Deeks while you handle things back in Ops. When you get to the safe house that night, he busies himself unpacking his things while you sit down on the bed, your hands pressed between your knees. This whole thing has taken a toll on you.

Nik’s already planning the next steps because he knows you’re not in the right mindset to even consider anything beyond this moment. The two of you are going to have to move, change up your routines because there’s no telling if your information was sold on the open market. Nik’s already started looking at listings.

When he turns to face you, he can see you’re exhausted and overwrought. It’s in the quiet moments at the end of the mission that it all comes crashing down on you, the emotions you’ve been supressing they rush to the surface because the adrenaline fades and you’re forced to confront the reality of what happened.

“We won’t be seeing Sassy for a while.” You say quietly as he sits down alongside of you.

“I would never ask you to do that.” He says he takes your hand in his. His thumb chases over your wedding ring and he remembers that moment he looked into your eyes as he placed it on your finger. For better or for worse he had promised you, and that included Sassy. “I know how much she means to you.”

“Nik.” You say softly, tilting your head towards him. “When I told her what happened today, she was more concerned about her social media accounts than the fact she’s blown up our entire life. She refused to acknowledge she did anything wrong and I know she’d do it again in a heartbeat if she thought it would get her more attention. I can’t take that risk, you’re too important to me.”

He hears your voice break just a little and he knows that it’s hard. Your sister is the only biological family you had felt, he can’t imagine how tough it must be to make a decision this, but the thing is he agrees with it because the life you’re building it’s going to require more stability in the future. You can’t take the risk of something like this happening again, especially not with a kid in the mix. The two of you have been talking about it a lot recently. He thinks it’ll happen in the next couple of years.

“The thing that terrified me today was thinking about what would have happened if you got home before I did.” He finds himself telling you, his voice raw with emotion.

He’s gone over the scenario a thousand times in his head and the images, they haunt him. You’re both highly trained but the guys who came after him today were too. He knows when he gets in the shower later, his body is going to be riddled with bruises, he can already feel the stiffness setting in as he sits beside you.

“I keep thinking of the next time, what if I’m pregnant, what if we have kids…” You trail off squeezing his hand tightly. “That’s why I have to do this. I have to protect our family, the one we have now and the one we’ll have in the future.”

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[widevibratobitch]

moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love